1 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,202 (♫ Never Knew Love Like This Before by Jessie Ware) 2 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:01,435 Must you? Just here? 3 00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:04,313 (all)... three, two, one! 4 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,398 Happy New Year! 5 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,215 (all cheering) 6 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,234 (Nat) I do. 7 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,277 (chuckles) 8 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,906 It now gives me great pleasure to pronounce you... 9 00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,660 (whispering) Excuse me. 10 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,787 (coughing) 11 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,380 (continues coughing) 12 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,925 - (guests murmuring) - You all right? 13 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,469 - (whispering) I'm fine. - (coughs) 14 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,139 - Something lodged? - Nothing. 15 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,807 - (hushed) Water. - What? 16 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,725 A glass of water, please. 17 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,853 - Where's the water? - I don't know. 18 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,646 (coughing) 19 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,442 (minister) Oh, dear. 20 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,361 - (coughing continues) - (hushed) He's getting it from the font! 21 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,321 Mmm. 22 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,745 - (coughs) - (water splattering) 23 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,456 Jesus Christ. Sorry. 24 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,419 - So sorry. Where were we? - "I now pronounce you." 25 00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,838 - I now pronounce you. - Yeah. 26 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,381 (stammers) 27 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,553 No, thank you. I now pronounce you... (mouths) 28 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:02,014 ...husband and wife. 29 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,892 (♫ Spring Concerto by Vivaldi) 30 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,643 (minister coughing) 31 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,606 (Hugh) Look at them. 32 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,525 - Aren't they adorable? - Yes. 33 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,528 I give it a year. 34 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,322 (guests cheering) 35 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,631 (Danny) And for those of you who don't know me, 36 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,716 and especially if we meet in the bar later, 37 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,219 my name is, "Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?" 38 00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:42,888 (chuckles) "Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?" 39 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,973 Fornication... 40 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,808 I'll read that again. 41 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,435 For an occasion... 42 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:49,561 like this, 43 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,773 I want to make sure I keep up the traditions of being a best man. 44 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:55,817 Apparently I need to get the groom to the church on time. Tick. 45 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,445 I need to remember the rings. Did that. And I need to... 46 00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:00,948 have sex with a bridesmaid. Wahey! 47 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,911 I... To be fair, I wrote these, um... before I knew they... 48 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,788 I would never have sex with a... 49 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,998 Maybe when they're older. Never say never. 50 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,251 And keep away from Paedo Rog! Ha-ha! 51 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,752 (chuckles) All right, Paedo? Nice to have you. 52 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,420 He's come a long way. Good lad. 53 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,841 It's great to see so many people turn up to see Josh finally tie the knot. 54 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,385 And about time, too. 55 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:23,595 Nat's got it all. She's brilliantly clever, 56 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,056 apparently really delivers in the bedroom. 57 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,850 Like mother like daughter, eh? He knows what I'm talking about. 58 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:29,935 And I don't know about you, 59 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,604 but I feel she could easily be a model, I think we'll agree, 60 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,982 if it wasn't for her nose. 61 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,526 When I first saw her beaver... 62 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,528 ...ing away... Beavering away, 63 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,697 cooking Josh a meal, I knew she was a real catch. 64 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:45,450 Um, I've got no idea why her previous boyfriend cheated on her, 65 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,952 but, uh, I'm glad he did. 66 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,495 Cheers to him, wherever he may be. 67 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,163 Probably shagging. 68 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,541 But, uh, no. Um, seriously, Nat. 69 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,751 You're a real eight out of ten, love. I mean that sincerely. 70 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,462 And we're delighted you and Josh have found each other. 71 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,548 So, everyone, please, raise your glasses 72 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,384 as we say a little toast to Nat and Josh. 73 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,553 (all) To Nat and Josh! 74 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,347 (all applauding) 75 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,560 Nat is literally gonna be cringing right now. 76 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,979 She hates being the centre of attention. 77 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,690 It is impossible to imagine anyone 78 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:19,609 looking more beautiful than you do today, Nat. 79 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,987 And I know how much you love being the centre of attention. 80 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,697 That's just one of the things that makes us so different. 81 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,407 Because I'm a thinker, you're a doer. 82 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,076 I'm laissez-faire, you're anal. 83 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,202 Hey, you dirty sod! 84 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,246 On you go. 85 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,123 I think it's fine for a man to wear Crocs, 86 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,917 and you've made it abundantly clear you do not. 87 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,461 (chuckles) 88 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,587 I know it's only been seven months, 89 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:42,799 and some of you think that we're crazy for getting married, but... 90 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,971 all I know is, from the first moment I saw you, 91 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,682 I knew that yours was the only face 92 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,726 and the only voice... 93 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,979 - that I would ever need again. - (all) Aw! 94 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,689 'Cause in that moment, everything just changed. 95 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,984 Everything just seemed to fit so perfectly. 96 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,611 Wahey! 97 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,031 And I'm so lucky that I feel like I'm only just getting to know you. 98 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,744 Ladies and gentlemen, 99 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,621 here's to us. 100 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,955 (guests cheering) 101 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,249 - Here's to us. - (guests) Cheers! 102 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,293 (guests cheering) 103 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,795 (guests applauding) 104 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,891 (♫ You Do Something To Me by Paul Weller) 105 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,607 Are you happy? 106 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,401 The happiest. 107 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:46,196 The best two hours and 36 minutes of my life. 108 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,031 (chuckles) 109 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,786 You know, I had this terrible fear 110 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:56,248 that you were gonna do some sort of novelty dance. 111 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,002 (hip hop track plays) 112 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,758 Get it on quickly, get it on quickly. I'm so sorry, Nat. 113 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,486 ♫ I wanna rock right now 114 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,280 (rapping) ♫ I'm Josh Moss and I came to get down 115 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:29,489 ♫ You're my girl 116 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,615 ♫ My honey, my boo 117 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,367 ♫ I was straight trippin' when you said "I do" 118 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,953 ♫ All the motherfuckers in the house say "yo" 119 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,329 ♫ There's something my nigga's got to know 120 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,081 ♫ It's the shit to see my dawg get hitched 121 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,083 ♫ Now he can make that ho his bitch 122 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,085 - You can't say those things. - Don't be a player hater. 123 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,296 Seriously, mate. Don't hate the player, hate the game. 124 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,464 Am I right? Put it there, mate. 125 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,261 - Ready? - Yeah. 126 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,239 Aw. That's nice. 127 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,954 Listen, son, you know it's not easy, don't you? 128 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,583 - The first year is the worst. - Okay. 129 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,084 - It's true. - Thank you. 130 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,920 If you can make it through the first year of marriage, 131 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,714 - you can make it through anything. - Yeah. 132 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,759 You know, there were times when your father was late home 133 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,595 - I used to fantasise he'd been killed. - Did you? 134 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,013 - Mmm. - That's nice. 135 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,932 Oh, in my mind, it was always the IRA. 136 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,558 Strange, strange. 137 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,769 But things got better because we love each other. 138 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,063 Tremendous, tremendous. 139 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,362 (both moaning) 140 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,865 - Shall we go, yeah? This is weird. - Yes, it's a bit weird. 141 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,659 (moaning continues) 142 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,039 Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. 143 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,884 (Nat) So, that was nine months ago. (Josh) Mmm. 144 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:17,138 And I think even then we knew instinctively 145 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,515 something wasn't quite right. 146 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,725 You realised you'd married beneath yourself. 147 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,395 You thought you could be with someone better-looking, 148 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,147 better body, perhaps a professional man? 149 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,816 - Uh, no. - No. 150 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:32,696 No, no, I think we were both in love with the idea of being in love. 151 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,826 You know, and we're at that age where we're ready to find "the one". 152 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,328 And don't tell me, Josh, you opened that closet door, 153 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,705 didn't want to live that lie any more. 154 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,456 I picked up on it the moment you sat down. 155 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,084 Tricks of the trade. You know, you can tell by the shoes. 156 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,297 No! Oh, Christ, no, no, no, no, I'm completely straight. 157 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,382 Couldn't be less gay. I mean, I don't even like... 158 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,217 touching my own penis. 159 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,139 Right, so were there terrible sexual problems? 160 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,975 Does he have tremendously niche desires? 161 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,643 Did he want to touch you here? 162 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,773 - Uh... - Never with a pen. 163 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,403 Look, Nat's amazing, obviously. She's wonderful. 164 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,614 And I think we both really want to make this work. 165 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:16,740 But is it possible 166 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:19,200 that some people just aren't supposed to be married? 167 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,453 Truthfully, there's just something in our marriage 168 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,079 that hasn't quite... 169 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,998 - Clicked. ...jelled. 170 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,298 So? Was it like a dream? 171 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,675 Well, we ticked every wedding box. 172 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,595 Cake, sweaty uncles dancing to Queen. 173 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,389 People we thought were dead flying in from Canada. 174 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,391 It was very wedding-y, right? 175 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,809 It was so romantic. 176 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,227 It was just like a Hugh Grant film. 177 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,438 - It was amazing, wasn't it? - Mmm! 178 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,315 Did you like all the flowers? We got the most... 179 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:51,650 I'm sorry, 180 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,568 but can we do this at lunch? 181 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,612 - Right. Absolutely, Helen. - Thanks. 182 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,656 Ruthlessly efficient, as always. 183 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,782 We should not be talking about 184 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,742 - lace halter necks on company time. - No. 185 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,829 - What's the story? - While you were on your holiday, 186 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,206 I took the initiative 187 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,541 and I started gathering ideas for Guy Harrap. 188 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,337 He's taken over his father's industrial solvent and bleach empire. 189 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:17,217 You weren't here, but he basically wants to make solvents and bleach sexy. 190 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,260 - Fuck off. - (phone ringing) 191 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,932 (Josh over speaker) Is that my dirty little slut of a wife? 192 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:25,809 Hey! 193 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,143 What are you doing? 194 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,104 Uh, middle of a meeting. What's up? 195 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,273 Maybe I'm just missing the sexiest wife in the universe. 196 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,568 - Not working today? - I've got writer's block. 197 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:39,948 I can't work out whether to call my main character Ezra 198 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,784 - or David. - Um, David. 199 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,536 I was at school with an Ezra who got expelled 200 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,954 for punching a swan in the throat. 201 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:47,872 Who said the second novel would be tricky? 202 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:49,958 Anything else? 203 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,794 No, no, no. I'll see you at three. 204 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,379 - Love... - (dialling tone) 205 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,047 ...you. 206 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,800 Sorry, that was my husband. 207 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,343 He has writer's block. 208 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,303 Did I mention that he was a writer, of books? 209 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,431 - Only about a million times. - Yeah, Clare mentioned it, 210 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,683 but I've never heard of him. (coughs) 211 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,147 Sorry, sorry. 212 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,482 You do realise you're not going any faster than walking, don't you? 213 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,651 You've got all the superficial trappings of a run 214 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,903 but there's people walking much faster than you. 215 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,239 You're just expending a lot of surplus energy. 216 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,408 Thank you for that analysis. 217 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,784 How late are we? 218 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,954 Well, you, my little friend, are 10 minutes early. 219 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,749 I told you the wrong time because I knew you'd never be on schedule. 220 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,501 - Right. - Mmm! 221 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,463 I'm just trying to work out if I find that endearing 222 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:40,091 or it makes me want to bludgeon you to death with a shovel. 223 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,843 - No, it's endearing. - I think it's a shovel. 224 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,095 - It's endearing. - Do we have a shovel? 225 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,432 Well, firstly, a hearty "mazoltov" for your marriage. 226 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,434 - I think it's "mazel tov", isn't it? - Thank you. 227 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,561 - Mmm? - I always thought it was "mazel tov". 228 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,104 I don't know, I'm not Jewish. 229 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:54,564 Oh. 230 00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:59,778 But, as you know, whilst everything may seem so happy now, 231 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,197 of course you could be struck down at any time. 232 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:06,242 Cancer. Heart disease. Meningitis. 233 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,994 Hit by a truck. 234 00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,496 - Bam! - (gasps) 235 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:14,250 I had a client who was kicked to death by a group of disaffected youths 236 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,710 high on meow meow. 237 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,962 She'd just left the house to get potatoes. 238 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,632 - Just potatoes. - Shit. 239 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:21,966 And the tragedy was, 240 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,843 she hadn't thought to make a will. 241 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,596 - Or a Tesco home delivery. - (chuckles) 242 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:27,806 What? 243 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,808 Yeah. 244 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,144 She was only identifiable by her dental records. 245 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,647 Why, what had they done to her? 246 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,482 They'd made impressions of her teeth. 247 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,444 Still, fortunately, you two have had the presence of mind 248 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,570 to plan for your future. 249 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,031 So, have you considered what would happen 250 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,534 if either of you fell into a persistent... 251 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,286 - (stumbles)... vegetatative state? - A what, sorry? 252 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,288 Persistent vegetatative state. 253 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,041 Mmm. One too many T's there. "Vegetative." 254 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,630 Have you considered what would happen if you fell into... 255 00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:01,798 one of these guys? 256 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,551 Just pillow talk, really. 257 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,929 No, I think we did decide that we'd both like to be left to die. 258 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,598 Excellent, yes. We just switched off my aunt. 259 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,225 - I'm sorry. - Aw. 260 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,310 No, it's all right. It's no quality of life. 261 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,979 And we freed up a socket for a lava lamp. 262 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,272 Ah. 263 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,439 It's transformed the lounge. 264 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,566 - Yeah? - Yeah. 265 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,942 Largely losing her, to be fair. 266 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,280 Now, can we go through a few of these? Just give me a yes or no. 267 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,366 Are we switching the life support off? 268 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,492 Brain dead? 269 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,246 - (both) Switch it off. - Switch it off. Get it off. 270 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,373 Locked-in syndrome? 271 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,084 That's the one where you're paralysed but you can still wink. 272 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,919 It's all the... 273 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,797 It's the dribble, isn't it, that I couldn't handle. 274 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,258 - Constantly mopping up phlegm. - (Josh) I wouldn't want that. 275 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,218 You wouldn't want that. That's why you're murdering your wife. 276 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,303 (grunts) 277 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,470 So, are you switching it off? 278 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,763 - Sorry, what are you doing? - (Nat) Off! 279 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,140 - Switch it off, yeah. - Off she goes! 280 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,933 Night-night. 281 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,271 Um, brain-damaged and vegetative. 282 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,856 - Thank you. - Mmm. 283 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,774 Um, brain stem undamaged. 284 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,736 So you're breathing, you're swallowing, you're fine, 285 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,822 but you are still literally a shell of a person 286 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,576 with no capacity for any emotion or thought. 287 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,370 Much like my Susan. 288 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,247 My little joke. 289 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:18,708 (chuckles) 290 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,627 - Off, off. - Off, yeah, off. 291 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:24,589 Get that off, off, off, off! 292 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,425 Well, this is slightly more depressing 293 00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:28,676 - than I'd imagined. - Oh, no. Come one. 294 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,970 And you haven't even received my bill yet. (chuckles) 295 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,513 (laughs) 296 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,140 That's a good 'un. That is a good 'un. 297 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,650 - An electric peppermill? - (whirring) 298 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,568 I can't believe you got an electric peppermill. 299 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,488 We thought we had to have at least one dinner party 300 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,239 to use all the crap we got bought. 301 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,367 At least that's a useful gift. 302 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,369 D'you know what I mean? I hate those gifts where someone says, 303 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,495 "Do you know what I've done for you? 304 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:56,955 "I've donated to charity on your behalf." 305 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,873 "Have you? Really?" Bollocks to that. 306 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,459 If I'm getting married, why should some African fella get a couple of goats? 307 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,086 I want a fucking smoothie maker, d'you know what I mean? 308 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:08,216 - Did you get them goats? - Four of them. 309 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,342 - Four goats? - Yeah. 310 00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,969 That's a lovely gift, that, because they need goats. 311 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,472 African fella's pleased. 312 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:18,101 Go on, tell us about your honeymoon. 313 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,812 It was lovely. It was idyllic. 314 00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,188 Morocco's beautiful. 315 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,606 - Amazing place, yeah. - (Nat) Yeah. 316 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:24,983 It was just a bit long, really. 317 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,067 I was really sad when we came back. 318 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,653 (Nat) Well, things hit a low point when we found ourselves 319 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,905 in the Essaouira Museum of Leather Manufacturing 320 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,075 discussing if we had a superpower, what would it be? 321 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:37,161 I actually really enjoyed that. I thought that was really fun. 322 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,746 (Danny) I think if I was gonna have any superpower, 323 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,581 it would be the ability to speak Spanish. 324 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,959 That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Because you could say stuff like, 325 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,586 - Hola, gazpacho. - (Nat) You just said it. 326 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,171 - (Josh) You're saying it now. - Oh, wow. 327 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,673 Hmm. 328 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,092 Not strictly speaking a superpower, though, is it, really? 329 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,927 Otherwise everyone in Brazil would be superheroes. 330 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,554 Mmm, true. 331 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,389 They speak Portuguese in Brazil. 332 00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:58,474 You cock. 333 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,727 (laughs) 334 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,729 - Mmm? - Keep it for the car. 335 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,064 Um, so... Wait, so, Josh, 336 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,066 - what did you choose? - Boring, really. Super-strength. 337 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,818 That's what I would choose, too! 338 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,030 I think it would be so handy to be able to open, like, jam jars. 339 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,240 Jam jars! That's exactly... Isn't that exactly what I said? 340 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,743 - That's exactly what you said. - (Josh) That's exactly what I said. 341 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,869 - That's so funny. - That is so funny. 342 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,705 Are we eight years old, all of a sudden? This is what children talk about. 343 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,248 All right, Nat, calm down, we were only having a joke. 344 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,499 Yeah, joke's over. 345 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,085 Ooh. "Grounds for divorce dot com." 346 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,298 Shut up, you "bell-end dot-co-dot-uk". 347 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,217 To be honest, I'm not sure you could get a divorce 348 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,927 because I'm not even sure you're officially married. 349 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,262 Because they never officially split up. 350 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,807 (chuckling) 351 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,601 - What? - What? 352 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:42,852 They never officially split up. 353 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,187 What are you talking about? 354 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,815 - You never officially broke up, did you? - (mouthing) 355 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:52,737 Yeah, actually it's, um... it's pretty funny, really, 356 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:56,949 because, um, when I left for Africa, 357 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,701 we sort of never formally ended it. 358 00:17:58,786 --> 00:17:59,827 Never formal. 359 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,788 (Chloe chuckles) 360 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,998 We just sort of... We left it open. 361 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,208 Wide open. 362 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,501 Then I ended up being gone for four years. 363 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,003 - About four years... - But what's four years, really? 364 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,881 (chuckles) 365 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,008 (peppermill whirring) 366 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,551 I've told you this. 367 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,639 - Nat. Nat. - Hmm? 368 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:20,890 I've told you this. 369 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,478 He wasn't happy, though, I'll tell you, that time. 370 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,981 Honestly, we used to refer to 2008 as the sort of... as the "lost year". 371 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,150 - Mate. - He would just sit there in his pants. 372 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,945 You know, drinking and playing Grand Theft Auto, masturbating. 373 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,238 - No! - (groans) 374 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,365 (Danny) Sometimes all three at once. 375 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,699 That's an impressive thing. I couldn't do that. 376 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,451 I could practise for ages, I wouldn't be able to do that. 377 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:41,577 Imagine that on Britain's Got Talent. 378 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:49,127 Nat, I'm really sorry about that, back there. 379 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,419 I just... I thought that you knew. 380 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,506 Oh, no, don't be silly. It was years ago. 381 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,717 2008, I was still using "LOL" un-ironically 382 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:57,844 and wearing ballet flats. 383 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,723 Look at those. You look really cute in those. 384 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,934 - Thanks, thanks. - Pretty. 385 00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:06,936 Um... 386 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,438 Yeah, well, you know, it really was a long time ago 387 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,940 and we were both so young. 388 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,067 We were so different back then. 389 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,903 And now he's married to the coolest woman on the planet. 390 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,280 You're sweet. 391 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,949 I thought, "I've got it made, I married a doctor." 392 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,034 And then you realise, you're gonna wake up every day 393 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,619 to the same hairy ears. 394 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,123 The same slightly deformed fungal toenail. 395 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,791 And you're gonna have to listen to that weird, 396 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,710 ear-throat-clearing sound they make 397 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,170 every day until you are dead. 398 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,838 (grunting) 399 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,256 (groans in disgust) 400 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,633 And the same penis. 401 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:42,096 I may, literally, never see another penis again. 402 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,140 Unless it's a small child's. 403 00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,186 Or if you get sexually assaulted. 404 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,147 (chuckles) 405 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:59,280 And Josh's is lovely. You know, we have an incredible sex life. 406 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,532 But that's not the point, you know. 407 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,576 I love Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album. 408 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:06,621 I wouldn't necessarily want to only listen to that for the rest of my life. 409 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,831 Yeah. Oh, honey, I've been there. 410 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,417 I mean, you'll listen to it a lot in the beginning. 411 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,877 You'll listen to it in all different sorts of places. 412 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,837 You'll listen to it in the car, 413 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,672 in the disabled toilet cubicle in the McDonald's in Egham, 414 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,092 in your unconscious granny's hospital room. 415 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,262 - Granny Mary? - It's what she would have wanted. 416 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,765 But then, you know, 417 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:26,933 you're just gonna get to the point 418 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,935 where you're not that bothered about listening to music at all. 419 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,562 You just play it on birthdays, 420 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,023 or when you're very, very drunk. 421 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,566 Or... 422 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,402 if someone shows you a Justin Bieber video 423 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,654 when you're in the office 424 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:43,532 and, you know, all you can then think about is that. 425 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,578 Isn't he, like, 15? 426 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,622 Oh, he'd know what to do. 427 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,709 I'd ruin Bieber. 428 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:57,213 You would. You would ruin him. 429 00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,298 (grunting) 430 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,134 Fuck. It's the soundtrack to my marriage. 431 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,136 Don't get married, you. Too late for you. 432 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,934 Penny for them. 433 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,145 Your thoughts. How you doing? 434 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,647 Hey, Danny. 435 00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,151 (groans) 436 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,113 Let's get the party started. 437 00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:24,240 Get comfy. Get comfy. 438 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,867 (both sighing) 439 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,670 (indistinct) 440 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:41,048 You know, I shouldn't really tell you this, but I was talking to Josh... 441 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,800 - (Chloe clears throat) ...and, um, 442 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,679 he said that the sex between him and Nat 443 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,055 is amazing. 444 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,683 He said that it blows everything he's had in the past out the water. 445 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:51,976 Out of the water! 446 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,730 - Wow. That is tremendous news. - Tremendous news for him, 447 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,106 - he's really pleased, yeah. - It's... Yeah. 448 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,776 I suppose that's not really your thing, is it? Sex and sexiness. 449 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,154 You're more... How would you describe yourself? 450 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:06,449 Kind of "kind," do you know what I mean? Charitable. 451 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,411 It's a shame, in a way, that they couldn't put... 452 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:14,040 your brain in her body. D'you know what I mean? That would be amazing. 453 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:16,083 Although what would you be left with? You'd be left with, like... 454 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,418 Ooh, you'd be left with her brain in your body. 455 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,546 Imagine that. Just rampaging around, out of control. 456 00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:22,965 (grunts) "What's that? 457 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,175 "Oh, my God, it's like Frankenstein, 458 00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,635 "but with, like, boobs." (mock-screaming) 459 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,972 Villagers coming out with pitchforks and torches. "Kill it!" 460 00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:33,517 - It'd be just terrifying. - It would be terrifying. 461 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,478 It would be horrible. 462 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:38,314 No. Joking, joking. I'd do you. 463 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:42,026 - If you wanted. You know. - Thank you. 464 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:46,155 If I had to make a top-10 of women I know that I would do, 465 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,282 you'd be in that list. 466 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,368 Number seven. All right? 467 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,286 - Thank you. Thanks, Danny. - Seriously. 468 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,415 Do you want to get a drink sometime? Maybe pop out and get a drink sometime? 469 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,459 Um, I... No. 470 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,836 - Yeah? - No. 471 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,380 You say no, I say yes. 472 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,756 (laughs) 473 00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:07,051 (Nat) So, remember to play up our ethical credentials. 474 00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:08,803 Don't mention the BP campaign. 475 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:12,014 And let's emphasise the online campaign we did for Greenpeace. 476 00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,265 Our job is to convince people 477 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,434 his solvents won't render the planet a barren, lifeless husk 478 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,978 - unfit for future generations. - (Clare) Piece of piss. 479 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,271 How are we gonna do that, then? 480 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:21,190 Well, if he's a cheapskate like his dad, 481 00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,359 we suggest making the typeface green and yellow 482 00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:26,779 and sticking some sort of sunflower or butterfly on the logo. 483 00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:27,905 It's textbook. 484 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:29,824 Depressingly, you could be right. 485 00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:33,160 I expect he'll be some sort of tasteless Yank, 486 00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,162 obsessed with how we're all so quaint, 487 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:36,747 spell "colour" with a "u", 488 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:40,543 worship Benny Hill and then say "awesome" a lot. 489 00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:43,087 Yeah. And he'll probably do that Austin Powers accent. 490 00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:44,588 You know the one. "Yeah, baby!" 491 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:45,714 (Clare laughs) 492 00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:46,799 (Helen) I didn't watch that film 493 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:48,426 because it's absolutely not my cup of tea. 494 00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:51,262 And then plump for whatever turns out to be the cheapest option. 495 00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:52,388 That's my prediction. 496 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:57,560 - You're not eating today? - There's a lot of mercury in that. 497 00:23:57,894 --> 00:23:59,145 Then why don't you get a fucking sandwich? 498 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:00,813 I am gonna get a fucking sandwich, Clare, 499 00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:01,981 but I'm not gonna have one with bread in it 500 00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:03,649 because I'm a coeliac. You know that. 501 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,068 So I was thinking about your book. 502 00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,611 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 503 00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:11,240 I reckon that I prefer "Ezra" to "David" as a name. 504 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,994 There was a David at school who, if you paid him 50 cents, 505 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:16,829 was prepared to lick anything. 506 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:18,914 - Literally anything. - Let's talk about it over dinner 507 00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:21,834 because Nat's out tonight, another work thing. 508 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,335 I'm starving. 509 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:26,005 I mean, obviously, it's all relative. 510 00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:27,423 I feel their plight. 511 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:29,300 I only had a Kinder Bueno for lunch. 512 00:24:29,384 --> 00:24:31,677 Mmm, I can't tonight. I'm going out with Charlie. 513 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,889 What, again? That's the third time in two weeks. 514 00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:36,849 (chuckles) You're counting? 515 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,142 Sorry to interrupt. 516 00:24:38,226 --> 00:24:39,768 Those articles you wanted from this morning. 517 00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,562 - Thanks. - Thank you. 518 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,815 So, what, am I just supposed to stay home 519 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,317 in the hopes you've got a free night? 520 00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:47,651 No. 521 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:49,487 I just don't want to see you getting hurt, that's all. 522 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:51,113 (phone ringing) 523 00:24:52,949 --> 00:24:54,366 (whispering) Is that him? 524 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:55,743 (whispering) Yeah. 525 00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:58,829 (Josh) Well, I see someone managed to find a Burger King out in Sudan. 526 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,298 I've just seen Guy Harrap in reception! 527 00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:11,884 And I would jump on him like a bouncy castle. 528 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:13,427 Remember to take off your shoes, and no somersaults. 529 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,012 - I need your ring. - What? 530 00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:16,680 - We really need this account. - Are you on drugs? 531 00:25:16,806 --> 00:25:19,058 Come on, it's not like you're gonna jump into bed with the man. 532 00:25:19,142 --> 00:25:20,392 - (door opens) - Clare! 533 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:21,560 What's up? 534 00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:24,271 - Guy Harrap. - (Nat) Hello. 535 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,439 Who we got here? 536 00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:27,858 Natasha Redfearn, Accounts Director. 537 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:28,943 - Sweet. - Hi. 538 00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:30,694 Is there anything we can offer you? 539 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:33,781 Hot diggity dog, I love the way you say that. 540 00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:35,533 Huh? The way she says that? "Offer"? 541 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,117 Off... Can you say that again? 542 00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:38,744 - Oh... - (mimics) "Offer" me. 543 00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:40,371 Um, offer. 544 00:25:40,455 --> 00:25:41,997 - There it is. There it is. - (chuckles) 545 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,165 - Here, give me some of that. - Oh. 546 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,209 - All right. Pound it. - Yes. Oh. 547 00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:48,170 I got an idea. Let's sit down, let's talk some business. Huh? 548 00:25:48,838 --> 00:25:51,549 (Nat) Mr Harrap, we're delighted that you've come to us 549 00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:53,217 to take Harraps Solvents forward 550 00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:56,345 and rebrand in the fresh challenges presented by the new media climate. 551 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:59,223 Awesome. Totally awesome. Bingo, huh? 552 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:02,810 We're very pleased with some of the concepts 553 00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,645 we've come up with for the new incarnation of Harraps. 554 00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:08,440 Yeah, as long as you don't fob me off with some yellow-and-green font. 555 00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:11,277 I mean, how many times have we seen that, right? 556 00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:12,820 Yes, exactly. No. 557 00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:14,321 Too many! Far... 558 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,324 (stammering) What we were pla... What we were thinking is to take... 559 00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:21,870 - a holistic approach... - (Guy) Mmm-hmm. 560 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:26,834 ...focusing on the core brand values of integrity... 561 00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:27,960 Integrity. 562 00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:29,712 Got it. Thank you. 563 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:31,589 ...responsibility... 564 00:26:37,345 --> 00:26:39,179 - that epitomise... - Mmm. 565 00:26:39,347 --> 00:26:41,515 ...what Harraps stands for. 566 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,601 Harraps. That's very good. 567 00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:51,233 Well, to be honest, at Oxford, my economics professor 568 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:54,069 favoured a fully integrated four-quadrant strategy 569 00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:56,530 cohesive across all media, 570 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,782 presenting an instantly accessible, 571 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,619 aesthetic, philosophical and commercial identity 572 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:05,080 consistent with an ethical contemporary market leader 573 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:09,084 whilst embracing its legacy of integrity. 574 00:27:09,252 --> 00:27:10,294 Yeah, baby! 575 00:27:10,378 --> 00:27:12,046 (Clare giggling) That's Austin Powers. 576 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:15,049 I love that film. 577 00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:17,885 - I'm so sorry, I just... - I know. 578 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:22,848 You thought I was a tasteless Yank obsessed with how quaint you all are. 579 00:27:22,932 --> 00:27:25,017 That's so quaint. 580 00:27:25,101 --> 00:27:27,227 It's incredibly embarrassing. 581 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,438 But we have plenty of other proposals to show you. 582 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,900 No, I don't need to see them. These things aren't done in boardrooms. 583 00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:36,153 We should get to know each other, Miss Redfearn. 584 00:27:36,237 --> 00:27:38,572 A holistic approach, as you say. 585 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:39,907 (Nat chuckles) 586 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:42,951 Well, agreed, but, uh, 587 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:46,205 but from the outset, you should know that I've just got, um... 588 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:56,590 another account that I have to focus on for the next few days. 589 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,717 - It's been a pleasure. - Thanks. 590 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:01,053 - I'm so sorry again for the... - No, please. 591 00:28:01,137 --> 00:28:04,473 Bye. 592 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:14,066 (mouths) 593 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:19,530 When we first met, I just thought Josh was exactly what I needed. 594 00:28:19,614 --> 00:28:21,115 You know, I felt... 595 00:28:21,199 --> 00:28:23,992 so safe, and then... 596 00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:25,577 (mobile ringing) 597 00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:28,122 I think what she's trying to say is, 598 00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:30,165 is that the everyday reality of marriage 599 00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:32,167 started to overtake the fairytale, 600 00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,545 - the fantasy, right? - Ooh, hark at you. 601 00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:37,297 Somebody swallowed a copy of Eat, Pray, Love. 602 00:28:37,590 --> 00:28:40,551 - No, I think as... we... - (mobile ringing) 603 00:28:42,178 --> 00:28:43,804 I'm gonna have to take this. 604 00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:46,056 Yep, fine, I'm in a session. 605 00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,810 Can't you pick them up? 606 00:28:50,645 --> 00:28:52,020 Give me two minutes. 607 00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:54,481 Talk about your feelings or your father or something. 608 00:29:05,326 --> 00:29:07,995 (Angela Rippon) Coming up on Cash in the Attic, 609 00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,956 a delightful silver brooch made by a celebrated war hero. 610 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,333 The bin's full. 611 00:29:14,043 --> 00:29:15,627 - Can you take it out? - Yeah. 612 00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,797 The One Tree Hill omnibus is about to start. 613 00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:21,884 Lauren's about to tell Jake that baby Connor's not his. 614 00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:32,519 (GASPS) Oh, Christ. Your husband is so adorable. 615 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,901 Yes. He really is. 616 00:29:38,985 --> 00:29:40,861 So ostentatious. 617 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:45,324 Have you seen my phone? 618 00:29:45,408 --> 00:29:47,701 No. When did you last have it? 619 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:49,912 Well, if I knew that, it wouldn't be lost, would it? 620 00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:51,914 That's the point of something being lost. 621 00:29:52,999 --> 00:29:54,208 (grunts) 622 00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,376 You're always here. 623 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:59,129 Why are you always here? 624 00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:02,758 (frog croaking over laptop) 625 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:05,719 Come and have a look at this video of a monkey fucking a bullfrog. 626 00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:09,264 He's killed it! 627 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:11,558 He's killed it by fucking it! 628 00:30:13,728 --> 00:30:14,895 (grunts) 629 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,608 (♫ Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics) 630 00:30:19,692 --> 00:30:22,820 (singing along) ♫ Sweet dreams are made of this 631 00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:26,698 ♫ Who am I to disagree? 632 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:30,577 ♫ I travel the world in generic jeans 633 00:30:30,703 --> 00:30:31,745 ♫ Everybody's... 634 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:34,248 Seriously, Nat. Seriously, hang on a sec. 635 00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:36,708 Why do you never get the words to a song right? 636 00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:39,670 Does it really matter? 637 00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:42,506 What, "I've travelled the world in generic jeans"? 638 00:30:42,590 --> 00:30:44,258 Really? Come on. 639 00:30:44,884 --> 00:30:48,095 I was just singing. Didn't realise it was so important. 640 00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:50,055 Do you really think that Annie Lennox is singing about 641 00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:52,683 whether she happened to travel the world in Levis or Wranglers? 642 00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:54,309 (chuckles) 643 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,520 Okay. Wow. 644 00:30:59,148 --> 00:31:01,024 And while we're at it, Elton John isn't singing, 645 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:03,360 "Hold me close and tie me down, sir." 646 00:31:03,444 --> 00:31:06,655 Kurt Cobain isn't singing, "Here we are now in containers." 647 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:09,950 If you can't sing it right, don't sing at all. It's idiotic. 648 00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:12,995 Says the man dressed as a pea. 649 00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:24,840 (Linda) I can't believe we're having the same fucking row! 650 00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:28,969 Oh! Not listening! Not listening! Not listening! 651 00:31:29,637 --> 00:31:31,013 No! Fuck you! 652 00:31:31,097 --> 00:31:35,058 (grunts) Oh, my God, you're such an arsehole! 653 00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:37,394 Yes, you are! You are such a cock-sucking, 654 00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:39,980 shit-stabbing, fucking arsehole! 655 00:31:40,064 --> 00:31:44,026 I could just fucking stab you right in the eyes! 656 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,862 What the fuck are you looking at? 657 00:31:46,946 --> 00:31:48,572 You could do with a fuck! 658 00:31:49,115 --> 00:31:50,949 No, not you! Nobody wants to fuck you! 659 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:53,368 You fucking frigid arsehole! 660 00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:55,495 Yeah, fuck you! 661 00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,376 (Guy) So, here we are. 662 00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:04,171 The hub of the Harraps empire. 663 00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:06,840 What do you think? 664 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:09,551 Hopefully, you can see why I wanted you to check this place out. 665 00:32:09,677 --> 00:32:14,473 It's state-of-the-art and responsible for a turnover last year of 37 million. 666 00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:20,312 If you squirted air from a large space into a slightly smaller space last year, 667 00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:23,357 chances are you did it through one of these. 668 00:32:24,192 --> 00:32:26,193 Every time I squirt out a little bit of air, 669 00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:27,903 I'll think of you. 670 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:33,033 That sounded weird, but you know what I mean. 671 00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:35,369 Yeah, sure. 672 00:32:38,831 --> 00:32:40,666 There's someone I want you to meet. 673 00:32:40,708 --> 00:32:44,211 Janet's been working here for, what, 42 years? 674 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,505 Forty-three in June. Hello. 675 00:32:46,547 --> 00:32:50,717 Yep, my grandfather exploited her, my father exploited her, 676 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:51,885 now I get to exploit her. 677 00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:55,514 He's a good lad, this one. He takes care of us. 678 00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:58,725 You won't find anybody here with a bad word to say about him. 679 00:32:58,851 --> 00:32:59,893 Except Sarah. 680 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,729 But she's a proper shithouse. 681 00:33:02,939 --> 00:33:04,022 Really? 682 00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:06,900 He just needs to settle down, start a family. 683 00:33:07,193 --> 00:33:08,902 So, what do you think? 684 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,737 - Wife material? - Definitely. 685 00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:12,197 Better than the last one. 686 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,740 You should see some of the... 687 00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,534 Yeah, I could dock your wages for insubordination. 688 00:33:15,576 --> 00:33:16,868 Get back to work. 689 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:20,914 Clostridium acetobutylicum doesn't acidogenically ferment itself. 690 00:33:23,251 --> 00:33:24,710 (chuckles) 691 00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:27,379 It looks like you've got the Janet seal of approval. 692 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:29,631 I'm not sure I'm the marrying type. 693 00:33:29,799 --> 00:33:33,093 You realise you'd be the heir to a solvents fortune. 694 00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:34,886 And that's not to be sniffed at. 695 00:33:34,929 --> 00:33:37,097 Literally, it could result in convulsions, 696 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:38,557 coma, severe brain damage, 697 00:33:38,599 --> 00:33:40,308 and in some cases, mental retardation. 698 00:33:40,643 --> 00:33:42,102 (laughs) 699 00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:45,605 They do all seem remarkably happy here. Is it the fumes? 700 00:33:46,649 --> 00:33:48,984 These people, they're like family to me. 701 00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,944 I've grown up on this factory floor. 702 00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:53,572 I spent every summer here since I was two. 703 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:57,784 If you're good to people, people will be good to you. 704 00:33:58,619 --> 00:34:02,122 It's what my dad taught me. It's what I want to teach my kids. 705 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:05,751 And I want to end all wars and cure cancer. 706 00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:06,960 (laughs) 707 00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:46,333 - All right? - Yeah. What? 708 00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:49,503 You really... You don't have to come tonight if you don't want to. 709 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:51,338 No, I want to be there. Your husband should support you. 710 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:53,173 You look incredible. 711 00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:54,716 I warn you, you'll be bored to tears 712 00:34:54,842 --> 00:34:56,843 'cause I'm gonna have to network all night. 713 00:34:56,886 --> 00:34:58,804 - (door buzzing) - That's the cab. Seriously. 714 00:35:00,014 --> 00:35:02,390 - Last chance to bail. - No, I want to go. I love a party. 715 00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,559 Uh, will I need a coat? Is it cold out? 716 00:35:04,685 --> 00:35:06,186 Why do you always ask me that? 717 00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:09,022 How should I know if you need a coat? 718 00:35:09,148 --> 00:35:11,733 I've been outside today, you've been outside today. 719 00:35:11,859 --> 00:35:15,821 I have precisely the same amount of meteorological information as you do. 720 00:35:21,494 --> 00:35:22,702 Josh! 721 00:35:23,579 --> 00:35:26,498 (dance music playing) 722 00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:29,209 (inaudible) 723 00:35:31,003 --> 00:35:33,880 I wouldn't want to be stuck behind him going through airport security. 724 00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:35,048 (laughs) 725 00:35:35,591 --> 00:35:37,592 (speaking Japanese) 726 00:35:41,013 --> 00:35:42,722 (all laughing) 727 00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:45,725 Because it's all metal. (laughing) 728 00:35:46,227 --> 00:35:48,061 He's so funny, your husband. You've got a good one there. 729 00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:49,396 (Nat) Thanks, that's sweet. 730 00:35:49,438 --> 00:35:50,939 (speaking Japanese) 731 00:35:51,607 --> 00:35:54,109 Why don't you, um, go and mingle? 732 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,527 There's a band upstairs. 733 00:35:56,028 --> 00:35:58,572 No, I think I'm gonna stay here. But you go, mingle, enjoy yourself. 734 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:03,076 Are you staying here because you think you have a good joke about that photo? 735 00:36:04,036 --> 00:36:05,078 What? 736 00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:07,247 You are! 737 00:36:07,748 --> 00:36:10,250 You're staying here so you can say that joke about the photo. 738 00:36:10,293 --> 00:36:12,586 It's a good joke. I actually have a couple. 739 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:14,629 Wouldn't want to be behind him going through airport security. 740 00:36:14,755 --> 00:36:16,590 (all laughing) 741 00:36:16,924 --> 00:36:18,633 At least, if you went out with him, 742 00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,302 you'd always have a little place to hang your coat. 743 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:21,636 (all laughing) 744 00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:23,805 I'm Josh Moss. Nice to meet you. 745 00:36:23,931 --> 00:36:25,557 - Hi. - Ooh! She's gone. 746 00:36:27,310 --> 00:36:29,436 You could put your keys on there, couldn't you? (chuckles) 747 00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:35,442 (Jane) I think that's just what happens when you sleep next to an open sewer. 748 00:36:35,776 --> 00:36:38,737 Had amoebic dysentery. Twice. 749 00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,113 In Rwanda at one point, 750 00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:43,116 I was actually defecating pieces of my colon. 751 00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:46,953 (soft Indian music playing) 752 00:36:49,123 --> 00:36:51,458 (dance music thrumming) 753 00:36:53,502 --> 00:36:54,628 Miss Redfearn. 754 00:36:56,255 --> 00:36:57,422 Guy! 755 00:36:59,091 --> 00:37:01,509 Lovely to see you. I er... I didn't realise you were here. 756 00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:03,762 You know, it's actually good that I ran into you 757 00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:05,805 because I was thinking about some of those community outreach... 758 00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:07,807 Could we take one night off from talking shop? 759 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,686 Am I allowed to say you're looking incredible? 760 00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:13,438 Technically, no. (chuckles) 761 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:15,148 That would constitute sexual harassment. 762 00:37:15,274 --> 00:37:18,443 You're right. The rules and regulations on that are very strict these days. 763 00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:23,198 I actually have a copy of the Sexual Discrimination Act 2007 in my hotel room 764 00:37:23,324 --> 00:37:24,783 if you'd like to come back and peruse it. 765 00:37:24,825 --> 00:37:26,159 (laughs) 766 00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:28,662 Although Christmas parties don't really count. 767 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:32,332 They're an opportunity to tell the person 768 00:37:32,375 --> 00:37:33,875 you've had a secret crush on all year 769 00:37:34,001 --> 00:37:36,836 how you really feel about them. 770 00:37:39,548 --> 00:37:41,508 Aren't they? 771 00:37:42,009 --> 00:37:43,510 Are they? 772 00:37:43,552 --> 00:37:45,220 Of course. 773 00:37:45,346 --> 00:37:48,556 I think protocol and decorum go right out the window. 774 00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,558 I mean, look at that guy. 775 00:37:52,144 --> 00:37:53,186 That is embarrassing. 776 00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:55,021 Who is he? 777 00:37:55,147 --> 00:37:56,731 Leave him alone, he's just had a few. 778 00:37:56,857 --> 00:37:58,650 Hang on. He's attempting the Beyoncé booty shake. 779 00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:02,153 Either that or he's being sodomised by the Invisible Man. 780 00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:04,572 Oh, he's just had a few too many cocktails. 781 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,074 He's wasted. 782 00:38:06,826 --> 00:38:09,202 - Having a good time. - Yeah, sure is. 783 00:38:12,415 --> 00:38:14,207 (Josh) Oi, oi! 784 00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:18,336 Hold on. Look out, here comes twinkle toes. 785 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,921 He's making a beeline. 786 00:38:20,047 --> 00:38:21,840 I got your back, I'll just say I'm your boyfriend. 787 00:38:21,882 --> 00:38:23,008 - No, you don't have to do that. - It's fine. 788 00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:27,554 This party's amazing. So much fun. 789 00:38:28,222 --> 00:38:30,724 Guy Harrap. Pleased to meet you. 790 00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:35,395 Oh! The solvents guy! 791 00:38:35,896 --> 00:38:38,565 How are you? Nice to meet you. He's so handsome, isn't he? 792 00:38:38,607 --> 00:38:40,900 (Josh growling) 793 00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:43,111 Whoo! 794 00:38:43,237 --> 00:38:45,071 - (glass shattering) - Bollocks. 795 00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,408 Sorry. 796 00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:49,909 Come on! 797 00:38:50,453 --> 00:38:51,453 Is that... 798 00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:53,455 Yeah, I suppose that's what office parties are for, huh? 799 00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:54,789 That's hilarious! 800 00:38:54,915 --> 00:38:57,584 Free booze and a chance to make out with the boss. 801 00:38:57,918 --> 00:38:59,252 Well, I'm technically self-employed, 802 00:38:59,378 --> 00:39:02,589 so I'll just have to settle for a can of Budweiser and a wank. 803 00:39:03,090 --> 00:39:04,132 Charming. 804 00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:07,302 Can I ask the sexiest woman in the room for a dance? 805 00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:08,470 Listen, I... 806 00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:11,222 We're actually talking business. So, maybe later. 807 00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:14,100 - (♫ Bonkers by Dizzee Rascal) - Wait, they're playing your song. 808 00:39:15,227 --> 00:39:17,437 Shouldn't you be busting a move? 809 00:39:25,946 --> 00:39:27,447 (howls) 810 00:39:31,577 --> 00:39:33,453 You almost have to admire him for giving it a go. 811 00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:35,080 You owe me one. 812 00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:38,291 How about we make our excuses? 813 00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:40,001 I have a table on hold at Nobu. 814 00:39:40,127 --> 00:39:42,128 No, I can't, I've a... 815 00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:45,090 I should go. I think I need some fresh air. 816 00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:46,800 Sure. 817 00:39:48,302 --> 00:39:50,345 Hang on, I'm swapping hands. 818 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:56,684 So, you had an extra naan and two glasses of wine, 819 00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:59,020 so you owe an extra four pounds. 820 00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:00,480 Drew... (clicks tongue) 821 00:40:00,606 --> 00:40:03,316 ...you had the mango lassi, so that's an extra three pounds. 822 00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:07,654 I swear, the mass graves in Mogadishu weren't as awful as this. 823 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:09,322 Do you want to bail? 824 00:40:09,698 --> 00:40:11,324 (Jane) Did you have the chicken jalfrezi? 825 00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:13,159 I want to stay. It's fun. 826 00:40:13,285 --> 00:40:15,453 No, I've said hello to everybody I need to. 827 00:40:15,496 --> 00:40:17,455 It's just gonna get messy and it's no fun being a spectator. 828 00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,375 (man) I wouldn't like to be stood behind him at airport security. 829 00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:23,169 - (people laughing) - That was my joke! He stole it! 830 00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:25,004 He's taking credit for my humour. Should I say something? 831 00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:26,506 Jesus, Josh! 832 00:40:27,341 --> 00:40:29,134 When did you turn into such a prat? 833 00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:33,513 Stay. Dance like a fucking idiot, tell your stupid jokes. I'm going home. 834 00:40:35,182 --> 00:40:37,684 (man) That hoop in his ear, he could hang his house keys on it. 835 00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,227 (people laughing) 836 00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:49,904 God, you are so sexy. 837 00:40:50,030 --> 00:40:51,072 (chuckles) 838 00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:52,699 (whispering) You're so sexy. 839 00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:54,033 Thanks. 840 00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:57,370 (Charlie moaning) 841 00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,709 Hey, that's it, honey, slide in, room for one more. Huh? 842 00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:05,003 Hey, Alexandra. 843 00:41:08,048 --> 00:41:09,215 You look really nice. 844 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,760 Different from work. 845 00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:16,097 Do you two want to have a little hello kiss? 846 00:41:16,223 --> 00:41:18,099 - Um, hello. - That's it. 847 00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:20,101 Hi. 848 00:41:20,561 --> 00:41:21,603 Mmm, that's it. 849 00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:25,106 Did you guys like that dinner tonight? 850 00:41:26,275 --> 00:41:29,110 Did you go for the rice or the naan? 851 00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:31,237 I went for the naan. 852 00:41:31,363 --> 00:41:32,739 (Charlie) Yeah? Mmm! 853 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,741 You are so naughty. 854 00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:37,035 - Why are you so naughty? - (giggling) 855 00:41:37,077 --> 00:41:40,371 I don't know, Charlie, why is that? 856 00:41:40,414 --> 00:41:42,749 Did your mom smoke during her pregnancy? 857 00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:46,252 Oh, okay. 858 00:41:46,879 --> 00:41:48,129 All right. 859 00:41:48,255 --> 00:41:50,381 That's it. Yeah, I like that. 860 00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,383 Threesome. We're going to have a threesome. 861 00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:53,635 We're having a threesome. 862 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:55,762 Let's go. 863 00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:58,932 - Chloe's climbing aboard. - That's it. 864 00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:02,435 Here we go. Oh, yeah. 865 00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,896 Oh! Oh, yeah. 866 00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:06,648 Chloe's on top now. 867 00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,149 The cherry on top. 868 00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:09,609 Oh, yeah. 869 00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:12,153 Oh, yeah. Now she's on the bottom. 870 00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,989 Chloe loves being on bottom. 871 00:42:15,115 --> 00:42:16,115 Oh, yes. 872 00:42:16,575 --> 00:42:19,786 Yes, squeeze my breast. That feels amazing. 873 00:42:19,912 --> 00:42:21,287 Não para, Charlie. 874 00:42:21,789 --> 00:42:23,122 Yeah, Charlie, 875 00:42:23,249 --> 00:42:25,458 I can speak another language as well. 876 00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:27,252 Me Ilamo Chloe, Charlie. 877 00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:30,964 Yo tengo un hermano! 878 00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:32,131 (both moaning) 879 00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:33,633 - That's it. - Okay. 880 00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:35,093 Okay. Yeah, that's it. 881 00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:36,678 Chloe's in the middle now. 882 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,972 Okay. 883 00:42:39,098 --> 00:42:42,141 - Oh, yes. It feels amazing, doesn't it? - (Charlie moaning agreement) 884 00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:43,935 Feels so good. 885 00:42:44,853 --> 00:42:46,271 (Charlie moaning) 886 00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:50,483 God, you're strong, Alexandra. 887 00:42:51,610 --> 00:42:52,610 Yes. 888 00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,612 - (Alexandra squeals) - (Chloe groans) 889 00:42:54,947 --> 00:42:55,947 Down here again. 890 00:42:56,991 --> 00:43:00,034 Oh, yeah, put your fingers in my mouth. I love that. 891 00:43:01,328 --> 00:43:04,664 Especially after Indian. It's amazing. 892 00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:06,332 Excuse me. 893 00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:08,334 Excuse me. No! 894 00:43:09,044 --> 00:43:10,962 All right. Enough! 895 00:43:11,505 --> 00:43:13,214 I am leaving! 896 00:43:13,799 --> 00:43:15,800 You people, you're sick! 897 00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:17,677 (moaning) 898 00:43:21,473 --> 00:43:22,849 I actually forgot my skirt. 899 00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,851 I'm sorry. 900 00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:33,359 Okay, thanks. Thanks, everybody. 901 00:43:34,695 --> 00:43:37,739 And FYI, you both still have your underwear on. 902 00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,991 (exclaiming in Portuguese) 903 00:43:55,883 --> 00:43:57,342 (door closing) 904 00:44:08,854 --> 00:44:10,396 (mobile chimes) 905 00:44:17,237 --> 00:44:20,740 (on message) Hey, it's Chloe. I really need to speak to you. 906 00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:27,288 (door buzzing) 907 00:44:28,248 --> 00:44:30,083 - (Chloe) Hey. - Hi, it's me. 908 00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,378 I demand you let me in. I've got coffee 909 00:44:33,420 --> 00:44:34,754 and a bag of those little sweets you like 910 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,381 that look like mini fried eggs. 911 00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:38,466 (door buzzing) 912 00:44:40,427 --> 00:44:43,805 It was humiliating, degrading. 913 00:44:44,556 --> 00:44:45,598 (sighs) 914 00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:48,726 I don't even know how I got myself into that position. 915 00:44:48,769 --> 00:44:51,145 I am not a threesome person. 916 00:44:52,064 --> 00:44:54,315 I don't know what bits to touch when. 917 00:44:54,441 --> 00:44:56,067 Listen, fuck him. 918 00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:58,277 If he doesn't realise how amazing you are, 919 00:44:58,404 --> 00:44:59,445 then he's an idiot. 920 00:45:00,739 --> 00:45:02,490 - He doesn't deserve you. - Yeah, right. 921 00:45:02,616 --> 00:45:03,825 I mean, look at me. 922 00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:06,077 I'm in a rented flat 923 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:10,289 wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants dressing gown, 924 00:45:10,332 --> 00:45:12,583 eating a mixture of animal fat and sugar 925 00:45:12,626 --> 00:45:14,919 made to look like a fried egg. 926 00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:16,963 I'm 32 years old. 927 00:45:17,339 --> 00:45:20,800 Yeah, and you've spent your whole life doing things 928 00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:24,512 which make everybody else look shallow, trivial and pointless. 929 00:45:25,180 --> 00:45:27,473 I think it's slightly more important to be able to limit 930 00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:29,350 the spread of an epidemic 931 00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:32,103 than know how to conduct yourself in a threesome. 932 00:45:33,772 --> 00:45:34,814 You do? 933 00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:38,025 I mean, for the purposes of this conversation, sure. 934 00:45:44,658 --> 00:45:48,369 Honestly, I just want someone to look after me for a change. 935 00:45:48,787 --> 00:45:49,954 Well, I'll look after you. 936 00:45:51,790 --> 00:45:52,832 You can't. 937 00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:56,127 You've already got someone to look after. 938 00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:08,181 (sighs) 939 00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:11,976 Listen, I'm completely all right. 940 00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:15,354 I promise not to end it all. 941 00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,649 I don't even own a razor. I wax. 942 00:46:19,651 --> 00:46:21,527 I think it's pretty hard to wax yourself to death. 943 00:46:21,653 --> 00:46:22,987 (chuckles) 944 00:46:25,073 --> 00:46:27,241 You can leave. I'm okay. 945 00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,076 No, it's all right. 946 00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:32,663 I'm putting off my Christmas shopping. 947 00:46:34,082 --> 00:46:36,501 I'm trying to figure out what to buy Nat. 948 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,879 What does she like? 949 00:46:40,672 --> 00:46:41,756 I've no idea. 950 00:46:43,383 --> 00:46:46,177 - I was thinking casserole dishes, maybe. - (groans) 951 00:46:47,429 --> 00:46:50,723 I simply cannot let you get your new wife 952 00:46:50,849 --> 00:46:52,517 - casserole dishes for Christmas. - Why? 953 00:46:52,559 --> 00:46:53,726 (laughs) I mean... 954 00:46:54,853 --> 00:46:56,562 - Let me help you out. - A griddle pan. 955 00:46:56,688 --> 00:46:57,897 - No! - A set of knives. 956 00:46:57,940 --> 00:47:00,525 Enough. I'm gonna go and get changed. 957 00:47:02,069 --> 00:47:03,361 (sighs) 958 00:47:06,365 --> 00:47:07,615 Thanks, Josh. 959 00:47:08,242 --> 00:47:09,575 Ah, it's all right. 960 00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:18,584 Excuse me. Thank you. 961 00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:23,714 - Hey. - Hello. 962 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,718 - You okay? - Mmm-hmm. Can I ask... 963 00:47:28,220 --> 00:47:29,554 why we're meeting in your hotel? 964 00:47:29,596 --> 00:47:31,514 You do know I'm not going up to your room, don't you? 965 00:47:32,057 --> 00:47:35,226 Oh! No, of course not. Purely business. 966 00:47:35,435 --> 00:47:37,270 No sexual tension whatsoever. 967 00:47:37,354 --> 00:47:40,898 No undercurrent of erotic electricity 968 00:47:40,941 --> 00:47:43,943 between two ludicrously attractive single people. 969 00:47:44,278 --> 00:47:46,696 None. Absolutely not. 970 00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,447 Good. 971 00:47:48,574 --> 00:47:50,449 It's your time you're paying for. 972 00:47:50,534 --> 00:47:53,077 So, we need to lock down a date for the website. 973 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,955 It's just there are some tiny kittens up in my room 974 00:47:56,081 --> 00:47:58,583 playing adorably with a ball of wool. 975 00:47:58,959 --> 00:48:01,627 - If you're interested. - Cat faeces makes you go blind. 976 00:48:01,753 --> 00:48:04,797 - I'm not going to your room. - Okay. You win. 977 00:48:04,923 --> 00:48:09,385 We'll work and completely ignore the palpable sizzle of sensual possibility 978 00:48:09,469 --> 00:48:11,554 every time our bodies accidentally touch. 979 00:48:13,974 --> 00:48:16,309 I've booked a boardroom down the hall. 980 00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:18,269 Shall we? 981 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,605 Yeah, basically, I'm looking for something for my wife. 982 00:48:20,647 --> 00:48:23,983 You know, pair of pants and a brassiere, perhaps. 983 00:48:24,067 --> 00:48:27,820 Something that's long-lasting and practical. 984 00:48:28,488 --> 00:48:30,489 Goodness, is that man-made fibre? 985 00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:33,242 Or is it, um, natural? 986 00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:36,162 Or is it a mixture of the two? Because that's often the way these days. 987 00:48:36,288 --> 00:48:38,497 Helps with, um, durability and so on. 988 00:48:38,624 --> 00:48:40,166 I mean, that's a lovely bit of kit. Look at that. 989 00:48:40,292 --> 00:48:41,959 That's a formidable gusset. You could not break that. 990 00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:44,837 - Were you looking for a panty? - Christ. Am I... 991 00:48:44,963 --> 00:48:46,464 (burbles) 992 00:48:46,506 --> 00:48:47,590 A panty. 993 00:48:47,674 --> 00:48:49,342 Uh... (mumbling) 994 00:48:49,593 --> 00:48:51,260 He has trouble with the word "panty", I think. 995 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:54,096 No, I don't. "Panty." I'm looking for a panty, mon chéri. 996 00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,974 A portion of your finest panties, milord. 997 00:48:57,976 --> 00:49:01,020 Right. Um, perhaps I should just ask you. 998 00:49:01,146 --> 00:49:02,355 After all, you are standing right here. 999 00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:04,023 - (imitates buzzing) - (laughing) 1000 00:49:04,149 --> 00:49:06,525 Oh, God, no, no, no. I'm not his wife. 1001 00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:09,028 - No way. - I'm just helping out, 1002 00:49:09,154 --> 00:49:11,697 making sure he doesn't buy his actual wife vouchers. 1003 00:49:11,823 --> 00:49:12,949 Well, you can't actually go wrong with vouchers. 1004 00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:14,700 Christ, is that really the price? 1005 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,288 I could buy half an 18-litre dehumidifier for that. 1006 00:49:19,373 --> 00:49:20,957 - Sir. - Yes. 1007 00:49:21,041 --> 00:49:22,959 We like to celebrate the erotic here. 1008 00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:25,503 Celebrate. "One-nil. Oy-oy! I scored a goal." 1009 00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:27,380 - You don't need to be ashamed. - I'm not ashamed of anything. 1010 00:49:27,464 --> 00:49:29,382 - Embrace it. - I'll embrace you. 1011 00:49:29,466 --> 00:49:30,549 I didn't mean that, I'm really sorry. 1012 00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:34,053 It's all right. Why don't you tell me... 1013 00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:36,681 - Yeah? ...what turns you on? 1014 00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:41,394 Uh... What turns me on? 1015 00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:43,396 I don't... What, really? 1016 00:49:45,565 --> 00:49:47,817 I, uh, I like it... I like it when she... 1017 00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:54,323 dresses up like a policewoman, or estate agent. 1018 00:49:55,826 --> 00:50:00,997 We haven't met, and she forces me to do things to her 1019 00:50:01,915 --> 00:50:04,417 that I would never normally do. 1020 00:50:06,753 --> 00:50:08,671 - Right. - Yeah. 1021 00:50:09,756 --> 00:50:12,591 I was thinking more along the lines of lace. 1022 00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:13,759 Were you? 1023 00:50:13,885 --> 00:50:15,428 - Satin? - Satin. 1024 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,179 Fishnets? 1025 00:50:17,264 --> 00:50:20,933 Fishnets, the fish of the sea. Fish of the sea. A trawlerman. 1026 00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:24,603 I once saw a trawlerman. 1027 00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:26,772 You must know the lucky lady. 1028 00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:29,025 Any thoughts? 1029 00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:31,110 You're as useless at all this sexy stuff as I am, aren't you? 1030 00:50:31,611 --> 00:50:34,780 You're happy with a thermal nightie, a Stieg Larsson and a nice milky tea. 1031 00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,449 (chuckles) 1032 00:50:37,617 --> 00:50:41,620 I'm just gonna go have a browse. Leave you to it. 1033 00:50:43,457 --> 00:50:45,124 Oh, this is nice. 1034 00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:47,460 They also have a wonderful restaurant. 1035 00:50:47,544 --> 00:50:50,463 I wouldn't think of staying anywhere else when I'm in London. 1036 00:50:50,922 --> 00:50:57,136 So, what is our strategy when it comes to online awareness? 1037 00:50:57,554 --> 00:51:01,140 So, the idea is to drive the consumer to the site through... 1038 00:51:01,933 --> 00:51:05,811 Oysters? 1039 00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:07,980 Seriously, Guy. 1040 00:51:08,648 --> 00:51:11,275 They must have run out of Highland shortbread. 1041 00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:15,654 To drive consumers to the site through a unified multiplatform... 1042 00:51:15,781 --> 00:51:17,156 (whirring) 1043 00:51:18,950 --> 00:51:21,827 A unified multiplatform approach, accessible with... 1044 00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:25,664 (playing soft music) 1045 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,501 Yes, go on. Platforms, that was good. 1046 00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:33,839 Well, traditional media should not be ignored, either. 1047 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,926 Doves? Really? 1048 00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,512 I think you're amazing, Nat. 1049 00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:42,306 I know it's unprofessional and cliché, but... 1050 00:51:42,349 --> 00:51:43,933 I'm married. 1051 00:51:44,643 --> 00:51:46,185 What? 1052 00:51:46,978 --> 00:51:49,021 I'm married. I have a husband. 1053 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:54,860 How can you? Why didn't you say something? 1054 00:51:54,986 --> 00:51:57,154 For all this time, you didn't think to tell me? 1055 00:51:57,197 --> 00:52:00,950 I didn't say anything because I thought we'd get the account if... 1056 00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:03,994 if I flirted with you. 1057 00:52:04,037 --> 00:52:07,540 And then I liked flirting with you too much for any of this to stop. 1058 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:10,543 Well, this wouldn't be happening if you were happy with your husband. 1059 00:52:11,336 --> 00:52:12,711 What am I supposed to say? 1060 00:52:13,338 --> 00:52:16,549 I can't leave him, he'd be destroyed. Look, I'm really sorry, 1061 00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:19,051 but that dove's getting awfully close to the ceiling fan. 1062 00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:21,554 Who is this guy? Do you have children? 1063 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:24,682 - How long have you been married? - Look, that's irrelevant. He's... 1064 00:52:24,724 --> 00:52:26,559 He's dependable and... 1065 00:52:27,018 --> 00:52:28,060 (screams) 1066 00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:30,229 ...and he's kind and safe, 1067 00:52:30,313 --> 00:52:32,815 and I can't throw that all away for you. 1068 00:52:32,899 --> 00:52:35,359 I mean, you're charming and twinkly. 1069 00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:39,822 Look, you're a Ferrari and he's a Volvo, and right now... 1070 00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:44,076 I just need to be behind the wheel of a Volvo. 1071 00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:46,245 I need... (wailing) 1072 00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:47,580 (thudding) 1073 00:52:48,874 --> 00:52:50,082 I need reliability 1074 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:54,712 and to be able to get from A to B safe and unhurt. 1075 00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:56,088 Oh! God! 1076 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:57,923 Dove down, dove down! 1077 00:52:58,049 --> 00:53:00,676 It's okay, I think it's just stunned. Can you... 1078 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,720 - Do you want me to stop now? - Yes. 1079 00:53:02,762 --> 00:53:04,847 Listen, Nat. I'm not giving up. 1080 00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,266 From the minute I met you I've thought of nothing else. 1081 00:53:07,350 --> 00:53:10,769 Do you think I care if our logo has a drop shadow or is italicised? No. 1082 00:53:11,104 --> 00:53:13,522 I'm looking for excuses to see you. 1083 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:14,773 (violinist) Come on. 1084 00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:16,775 (Guy) And I'm not twinkly. 1085 00:53:17,402 --> 00:53:19,028 I don't twinkle with anyone else. 1086 00:53:19,112 --> 00:53:20,112 (gasps) 1087 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,281 You make me twinkly. 1088 00:53:24,784 --> 00:53:26,702 Ugh! God! 1089 00:53:26,786 --> 00:53:29,121 - That's supposed to be lucky. - (screams) 1090 00:53:29,789 --> 00:53:32,082 Look, as might be evident, I've never done this kind of thing before, 1091 00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:36,212 but I would regret it forever if I didn't try everything I could. 1092 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:40,591 Married or not, I need to be with you, Nat. 1093 00:53:43,428 --> 00:53:45,221 Mind... Mind, um... Sorry. 1094 00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:48,766 I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry. 1095 00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:52,061 Sorry. 1096 00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:01,904 Perhaps in hindsight you shouldn't have gone with the doves. 1097 00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:03,489 Thanks. 1098 00:54:06,284 --> 00:54:08,118 - You like those, sir? - Uh, yeah. 1099 00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:11,664 Crotchless. Interesting, lovely, yeah. Do you get much of a call for those? 1100 00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:13,666 - (Chloe) Shit. - Everything all right in there? 1101 00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:16,252 Yeah, I just... I think this hook is caught. 1102 00:54:16,336 --> 00:54:18,170 Yeah, I got it. Uh, yeah, I have to admit 1103 00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:21,257 I'm not very good with buttons or zips or that sort of thing. 1104 00:54:21,341 --> 00:54:23,592 Usually I... Holy fucking shit. 1105 00:54:25,595 --> 00:54:26,845 I mean, who needs a dehumidifier, right? 1106 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:31,267 Sure, I get a bit of condensation on my bedroom window sometimes, but it's fine. 1107 00:54:31,685 --> 00:54:34,311 - Will you just close the... - Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry. 1108 00:54:34,854 --> 00:54:37,022 - Um... - Look, were they always like that? 1109 00:54:37,148 --> 00:54:39,650 'Cause, I mean, they're unbelievable. 1110 00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:44,363 I just thought that I would try something unpractical. 1111 00:54:46,032 --> 00:54:50,160 Do you think that Nat would like something like this, or... 1112 00:54:50,203 --> 00:54:51,787 Nat? 1113 00:54:51,871 --> 00:54:55,374 Oh, of course. Yeah, she'd look really nice. 1114 00:54:57,043 --> 00:54:58,836 She'd look good. 1115 00:54:58,878 --> 00:55:00,212 Um... 1116 00:55:00,547 --> 00:55:02,131 Yeah, but I think maybe the... 1117 00:55:02,215 --> 00:55:03,632 - I don't know if it's... - What is it? 1118 00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,884 I don't know if it's caught on the tag. 1119 00:55:06,886 --> 00:55:08,053 I don't know what I did. 1120 00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:10,180 Your hair's in the way, I'm just gonna... 1121 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:21,233 You know those, um, 1122 00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:24,903 strips that they put in pants... 1123 00:55:25,905 --> 00:55:27,906 if you want to try them on? 1124 00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:32,911 Do you think that's to prevent against gonorrhoea or chlamydia? 1125 00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:37,374 That's the one these days, Chlamydia. That's... 1126 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:39,918 (stammering) Or so I've... so I've read. 1127 00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,771 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. 1128 00:55:58,855 --> 00:56:02,191 No. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 1129 00:56:02,275 --> 00:56:04,860 (Claudia) Excuse me, sir, will you be paying for that? 1130 00:56:06,946 --> 00:56:08,614 Christ, I expect so. 1131 00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,115 I'm sorry. 1132 00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:12,618 I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you 1133 00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:15,996 - and I don't want to let you slip away. - It's very complicated. 1134 00:56:16,122 --> 00:56:18,290 - Chloe, that was really bad. - I know. 1135 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,210 I mean, not the kiss or the visuals, that was lovely, 1136 00:56:21,461 --> 00:56:23,587 - but I'm married. - I know. 1137 00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:25,964 Oh, great, it's goddamn Beyoncé. 1138 00:56:26,216 --> 00:56:28,717 What?! Fuck! 1139 00:56:28,802 --> 00:56:31,136 - Beyoncé is my husband! - What? 1140 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:32,888 Beyoncé is my husband! 1141 00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:34,640 - Beyoncé is Josh. - Him? 1142 00:56:34,766 --> 00:56:36,141 Yes. 1143 00:56:36,768 --> 00:56:38,060 Nat! 1144 00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:40,979 - Hello, darling! - How weird! 1145 00:56:41,147 --> 00:56:43,148 - What a treat. - How are you? 1146 00:56:43,817 --> 00:56:45,567 - Hi, Chloe. - Hi. 1147 00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:48,278 - Guy, right? - Yeah. Josh? 1148 00:56:48,321 --> 00:56:49,655 Yeah, that's right. Nice to see you. 1149 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,991 Guy, this is Chloe. She's a wonderful, uh... 1150 00:56:53,159 --> 00:56:54,326 charity worker. 1151 00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:55,828 - Hi. - Hi. 1152 00:56:55,995 --> 00:56:57,788 Yeah, we were just doing some Christmas shopping. 1153 00:56:57,831 --> 00:56:59,164 We were just having a meeting around the corner. 1154 00:56:59,290 --> 00:57:00,624 - Oh, were you? - Yeah. 1155 00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:03,001 - Nice. - Yeah. 1156 00:57:05,004 --> 00:57:07,423 - Did you have fun last night? - Oh, it was awesome, awesome. 1157 00:57:07,507 --> 00:57:10,676 Did you manage to get lucky with the ladies? 1158 00:57:11,302 --> 00:57:14,680 No. Actually, the girl I had my eye on blew me off. 1159 00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,099 I ended up alone in the hotel with a mini sleeve of Pringles 1160 00:57:17,183 --> 00:57:19,143 watching Malaysian golf on Eurosport. 1161 00:57:19,185 --> 00:57:21,603 - (laughing loudly) - That's hilarious. 1162 00:57:26,609 --> 00:57:28,694 I find that incredibly difficult to believe. 1163 00:57:28,862 --> 00:57:29,987 Well, it's true, it's true. 1164 00:57:30,113 --> 00:57:31,613 What, a man as good-looking as you? 1165 00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:36,493 Fabulous face, amazing hair, wonderful teeth. 1166 00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:38,537 - A real hunk of spunk. - Thank you. 1167 00:57:38,621 --> 00:57:41,999 Amazing skin, that's what... Hasn't he got incredible skin? 1168 00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:44,835 - You do. - Thank you. 1169 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:46,545 It's inspirational. 1170 00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:49,673 Chloe's single. Aren't you? 1171 00:57:50,717 --> 00:57:52,301 And she's American. 1172 00:57:52,385 --> 00:57:54,553 And you're... you could... (American accent)... ride the subway 1173 00:57:54,679 --> 00:57:57,222 and have a malt at the Five and Dime. 1174 00:57:57,348 --> 00:57:58,474 If that takes your fancy. 1175 00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,393 If you want to. 1176 00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:03,562 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah. 1177 00:58:03,688 --> 00:58:05,397 Poor Chloe could probably think of nothing worse, 1178 00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:07,733 but maybe if we all went out together sometime, 1179 00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:10,402 - that could be cool. - Ooh! 1180 00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,238 You could set that up, couldn't you, Nat? Is that all right? 1181 00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:17,576 Yes, yes, absolutely. I will organise it. I'll organise it. 1182 00:58:17,660 --> 00:58:18,744 Awesome. 1183 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:19,995 - Great. - Okay. 1184 00:58:20,079 --> 00:58:21,747 - Dinner after Christmas. - Dinner. 1185 00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:23,916 Yeah, sarsaparilla and hot dogs all round. 1186 00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:26,418 - Very nice to meet you. - You, too. You, too. 1187 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:33,926 Things really hit a low point around Christmas. 1188 00:58:34,511 --> 00:58:37,095 His family's so weird. 1189 00:58:38,431 --> 00:58:40,599 - That's not nice. - They are. Come on. 1190 00:58:41,017 --> 00:58:44,937 I caught your mother googling, "Can cat urine be used as fertiliser?" 1191 00:58:45,021 --> 00:58:47,606 She's got lots of cat urine. She might as well use it. 1192 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,400 Why the fuck has she got lots of cat urine? 1193 00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:53,362 Hey! Merry Christmas! 1194 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:55,697 (Josh) At least my family are friendly. 1195 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,283 - Nat! - (Josh) Hi, Mum. You all right? 1196 00:58:58,868 --> 00:59:01,537 You didn't exactly endear yourself with the charades debacle. 1197 00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:04,122 (Hugh) Here we go. 1198 00:59:06,709 --> 00:59:08,418 - Play. - Television. 1199 00:59:10,129 --> 00:59:12,381 Four words. First word. 1200 00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:15,133 (Naomi) Unconscious. (Nat) Dead. 1201 00:59:15,218 --> 00:59:18,303 - Tapping. Computer. - Hanging. Vera Duck. 1202 00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:19,805 (Diana) Letters. (Naomi) Braille. 1203 00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:21,765 - Red. - Impotent! Thick! 1204 00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:23,100 (Naomi) Stupid. (Hugh) Man. 1205 00:59:23,142 --> 00:59:24,226 (Naomi) Effeminate. (Grandma) Husband? 1206 00:59:24,310 --> 00:59:25,811 (Naomi) Annoying idiot. (Grandma) Father? 1207 00:59:25,937 --> 00:59:28,146 Disappointment. Shame. Regret. 1208 00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:29,314 - Profession. - Lazy. 1209 00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,441 Doctor. "Doctor," thank you. 1210 00:59:31,484 --> 00:59:34,152 "Doctor" is not the first thing you think of when you look at him. 1211 00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,238 - Four words. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde! - Doctor Zhivago. 1212 00:59:36,322 --> 00:59:38,448 (Nat) Quick, quick, quick, you've got a minute! 1213 00:59:38,491 --> 00:59:39,783 Go, go, go! 1214 00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:42,578 - (Hugh) Second word. - Sounds like... sister. 1215 00:59:43,162 --> 00:59:44,830 - Nat. - Fit. Sexy. 1216 00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:47,124 - Young girl? - Wife. Uh, woman. 1217 00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:50,002 Nat, bat, sat, rat, cat, hat. 1218 00:59:50,086 --> 00:59:52,004 Wife. Beautiful. Uh... The splits! 1219 00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:53,797 - Cellist! - Cello! 1220 00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,508 - (Nat) Hilary and Jackie. - Family. Family. 1221 00:59:57,176 --> 00:59:58,510 - What are you... - Barren. 1222 00:59:58,636 --> 01:00:01,638 Baron Münchausen! Sorry, no. Um... 1223 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,267 Um... 1224 01:00:06,769 --> 01:00:07,936 (stammering) Vagina. 1225 01:00:08,771 --> 01:00:12,190 Pussy. Minge. Twat. Foo-foo. 1226 01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:14,985 Clunge. Uh, growler. 1227 01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:16,111 Quim. 1228 01:00:16,195 --> 01:00:18,363 (Hugh) Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim! 1229 01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,032 Dr Quim and his Casebooks! 1230 01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:22,534 - Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. - That's it. 1231 01:00:23,953 --> 01:00:25,621 - Get away from me. - What? 1232 01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,373 - (Diana) You all right, Mother? - (whimpering) 1233 01:00:28,499 --> 01:00:29,791 What else rhymes with "Quinn"? 1234 01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:31,668 Sounds like "chin"? 1235 01:00:32,545 --> 01:00:34,129 Sounds like "bin". 1236 01:00:34,213 --> 01:00:35,797 Yeah, all right, bloody Lionel Blair. 1237 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,716 Look, I was tired. 1238 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:40,177 I'd hardly slept, I wasn't thinking straight 1239 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:42,888 because your evil stepdad had put me in that bedroom. 1240 01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:45,223 - (music box jingling) - Just to punish me. 1241 01:00:45,391 --> 01:00:48,060 (Nat) I would argue that you got a better night's sleep 1242 01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:50,520 - than I did at your parents' house. - (thudding on ceiling) 1243 01:00:50,563 --> 01:00:51,563 - (moaning) Oh, Brian! - Elaine! 1244 01:00:51,689 --> 01:00:53,690 (Elaine) Oh, Brian, you know just what I like! 1245 01:00:53,733 --> 01:00:55,901 (Brian) Tits or face? Tits or face? (Elaine) Tits. 1246 01:00:56,027 --> 01:00:57,402 (Brian groaning) 1247 01:00:57,528 --> 01:00:58,570 (Brian) Wrong answer! 1248 01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,657 (Elaine) Oh, Brian! Oh, my God. (Brian) Sorry, darling. 1249 01:01:02,075 --> 01:01:03,408 Yeah, well, your parents made it perfectly clear 1250 01:01:03,534 --> 01:01:04,534 what they thought of me. 1251 01:01:05,328 --> 01:01:07,537 - What have you got? - Fantastic! 1252 01:01:07,580 --> 01:01:10,248 - Digital photo frame. - Wonderful! 1253 01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:12,417 You just put a memory stick in and it makes a slide show. 1254 01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:14,419 We've got our camera on us, we'll have to try it out later. 1255 01:01:14,462 --> 01:01:16,463 That is fabulous. "ReKapture." 1256 01:01:16,589 --> 01:01:18,382 My go? Thank you. Who's this from? 1257 01:01:18,424 --> 01:01:19,716 Mum and Dad! 1258 01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:21,760 Cracking. 1259 01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:26,890 How to be a Successful Writer. 1260 01:01:28,142 --> 01:01:29,810 And, um, Stop Wasting Your Life. 1261 01:01:30,478 --> 01:01:31,478 (chuckles) 1262 01:01:31,771 --> 01:01:33,438 - Good idea. - Unbelievable. 1263 01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,565 - My family hate him... - (whispering) They hate me. 1264 01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:37,442 ...his family get under my skin, 1265 01:01:37,568 --> 01:01:40,278 and, at a time when we should have felt happy and close, 1266 01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:42,155 I couldn't have felt more distant. 1267 01:01:45,034 --> 01:01:47,160 Explain again what your book's about. 1268 01:01:47,245 --> 01:01:51,289 Well, my hero is a young history professor called Ezra 1269 01:01:51,416 --> 01:01:54,376 who, with the help of a young American aid worker, 1270 01:01:54,460 --> 01:01:58,463 discovers this man in Borneo who claims to be Muhammad. 1271 01:01:58,548 --> 01:01:59,631 (Nat yawns) 1272 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:03,635 So it's a meditation, really, on the veracity and origins of faith. 1273 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,929 If he ever gets round to finishing it. 1274 01:02:06,055 --> 01:02:07,764 (Josh) Oi! 1275 01:02:08,641 --> 01:02:10,142 Another drink, Josh? 1276 01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:11,560 Oh, that'd be lovely, thank you. 1277 01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:25,615 Oh, that's gorgeous. 1278 01:02:26,659 --> 01:02:28,994 - Ice? - Uh, yes, please. 1279 01:02:29,662 --> 01:02:30,912 Mmm. 1280 01:02:30,997 --> 01:02:32,998 - (chuckles) That's sweet. - (laughs) 1281 01:02:35,293 --> 01:02:36,960 Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help? 1282 01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:38,587 - No, thank you, I'm fine. - (screaming) I have to help! 1283 01:02:38,671 --> 01:02:40,005 Oh! 1284 01:02:40,798 --> 01:02:41,923 Mince pie, Alec? 1285 01:02:43,134 --> 01:02:44,676 - No, thank you. - Are you sure? 1286 01:02:44,802 --> 01:02:46,094 Why are you standing like that? 1287 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,471 Just offering Alec a mince pie. 1288 01:02:47,513 --> 01:02:48,764 He doesn't want a mince pie. 1289 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,474 - You don't... You don't? - No. 1290 01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:53,435 (Nat) Just stand up. 1291 01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:57,689 That's that market we went to in Taroudant. 1292 01:02:57,815 --> 01:02:59,608 - Let me see, darling. - Yes. 1293 01:02:59,692 --> 01:03:01,985 Um, it was gorgeous, they had the most incredible figs. 1294 01:03:02,028 --> 01:03:04,029 (Josh) I'm sure nobody wants to hear about the figs. 1295 01:03:04,113 --> 01:03:05,822 Because it wasn't very... Look at the cat! 1296 01:03:05,865 --> 01:03:07,282 Fucking little cocksucker. 1297 01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:09,201 (Nat) Give this back to me. 1298 01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:11,328 Give it! 1299 01:03:12,622 --> 01:03:14,039 Just sit down. 1300 01:03:15,833 --> 01:03:17,042 Goodness me. 1301 01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:19,336 - Is it still working? - Yes. 1302 01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:24,007 This is the town square. They had snake charmers and performing monkeys. 1303 01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:25,842 Oh! That looks so magical. 1304 01:03:26,844 --> 01:03:28,345 (Nat) Me with a monkey. 1305 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:30,222 Darling, you look so sweet. 1306 01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:33,892 Oh! Me trying on those slippers. They were very pretty. 1307 01:03:33,976 --> 01:03:35,393 (Diana) They look it. 1308 01:03:36,229 --> 01:03:37,312 Us having cocktails. 1309 01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:39,481 There was a beautiful bar at the top of the hotel. 1310 01:03:39,565 --> 01:03:41,066 We'd go there every evening. 1311 01:03:41,484 --> 01:03:43,527 Us having more cocktails. 1312 01:03:53,871 --> 01:03:56,581 (clock ticking softly) 1313 01:04:02,922 --> 01:04:04,339 (ice cubes tinkling) 1314 01:04:08,928 --> 01:04:10,428 It was a junior suite. 1315 01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:12,931 Uh... Not terribly expensive. 1316 01:04:13,766 --> 01:04:17,227 Lovely view of the orchards. In fact, you can... If you just... 1317 01:04:17,436 --> 01:04:20,397 You can just see in the background there, the... Phwoar. 1318 01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,234 That's doggy style. 1319 01:04:25,319 --> 01:04:27,237 Nat's favourite. Isn't it, Nat? 1320 01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:33,243 (whistling cheerfully) 1321 01:04:36,664 --> 01:04:38,456 (Naomi) Why don't I drive? 1322 01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:40,333 You drive like you've got a vagina. 1323 01:04:40,418 --> 01:04:43,295 You could do. Or I could glue myself to a deckchair 1324 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:44,838 and you could kick me down a stairwell. 1325 01:04:44,922 --> 01:04:47,674 Both about as enjoyable. Both about as likely to happen. 1326 01:04:48,259 --> 01:04:50,468 Why do you do it? 1327 01:04:50,553 --> 01:04:53,013 Why are you still together? You hate each other. 1328 01:04:53,097 --> 01:04:55,849 Of course we do, but that's marriage. 1329 01:04:56,851 --> 01:04:58,852 I mean, you embrace the hatred. 1330 01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:01,813 And I married a man who wears driving gloves. 1331 01:05:01,898 --> 01:05:03,189 Actually helps you get purchase. 1332 01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:05,358 Don't say "purchase". 1333 01:05:05,610 --> 01:05:09,237 But how do you know that the hate won't outweigh the love? 1334 01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:11,823 How do you know there's not someone better out there for you? 1335 01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:14,409 Well, Christ, there is. Of course there is. 1336 01:05:15,328 --> 01:05:17,287 But marriage is about living with the imperfections, isn't it? 1337 01:05:17,371 --> 01:05:19,414 I mean, look at that stupid ginger face. 1338 01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:22,375 It's true. I'd miss her. 1339 01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:24,252 Look at those beautiful eyes, big warm heart. 1340 01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:26,379 You know, she hasn't aged a day since I met her. 1341 01:05:26,464 --> 01:05:30,425 And as you get to know each other more, well, you love each other more. 1342 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,469 No, don't you try and kiss me. 1343 01:05:37,266 --> 01:05:39,017 - Did you forget something? - Yeah. 1344 01:05:40,227 --> 01:05:42,562 - We're gonna hit traffic, you know. - Yeah, you will. 1345 01:05:46,275 --> 01:05:47,359 (Josh) Tonight should be interesting. 1346 01:05:47,443 --> 01:05:49,611 They could be really right for each other. 1347 01:05:49,695 --> 01:05:52,572 Because Chloe's so sweet, and Guy seems all right. 1348 01:05:52,657 --> 01:05:55,033 What do you think? What about that? 1349 01:05:55,159 --> 01:05:56,493 No? 1350 01:05:56,869 --> 01:05:58,119 Yeah. 1351 01:05:58,204 --> 01:06:01,915 Chloe's lovely. I don't know how you let her slip away. 1352 01:06:02,249 --> 01:06:04,000 What, Chloe? No! 1353 01:06:05,002 --> 01:06:07,420 She's too nice. She's too perfect. 1354 01:06:07,505 --> 01:06:09,631 A little of Chloe goes a long way. 1355 01:06:09,715 --> 01:06:11,424 Yeah, I mean, she can be kind of grating. 1356 01:06:11,509 --> 01:06:14,386 Totally. This one? Rugby? 1357 01:06:15,554 --> 01:06:16,638 No? 1358 01:06:17,223 --> 01:06:20,475 But Guy, I mean, he's quite a catch. He's just your type, really. 1359 01:06:20,559 --> 01:06:24,062 (scoffs) No, he's too slick for his own good. 1360 01:06:24,605 --> 01:06:25,981 Bit too American. 1361 01:06:26,732 --> 01:06:28,692 You're my type. I don't really go for good-looking. 1362 01:06:29,318 --> 01:06:30,652 Oh. 1363 01:06:35,199 --> 01:06:38,660 Hi. Great to see you. You're looking very sexy. 1364 01:06:38,744 --> 01:06:39,995 And, Nat, you look good, too. 1365 01:06:40,079 --> 01:06:42,330 (laughing) 1366 01:06:44,625 --> 01:06:45,834 Uh, you two pop yourselves down. 1367 01:06:45,918 --> 01:06:47,210 I'm gonna nip off to the little boys' room. 1368 01:06:47,294 --> 01:06:49,796 See if I can find myself some little boys. 1369 01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:52,132 Obviously not. Just gonna go for a quick wee. 1370 01:06:52,216 --> 01:06:53,258 Not the other. 1371 01:06:55,594 --> 01:06:57,387 Sorry about that. 1372 01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:06,354 So, is tonight not a bit weird? 1373 01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,690 Do you promise not to get insanely jealous? 1374 01:07:08,774 --> 01:07:10,358 (laughs) 1375 01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:11,776 Honestly. 1376 01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:15,989 Chloe is fantastic. You'll love her. 1377 01:07:16,657 --> 01:07:21,161 She's the best. The best! She's so kind. Wonderfully kind. 1378 01:07:21,245 --> 01:07:23,580 - Mmm. Mmm. - And pretty. She's very pretty. 1379 01:07:23,664 --> 01:07:26,624 Definitely, she's so pretty. Hundred percent. 1380 01:07:31,922 --> 01:07:33,423 Hey, Chloe, you're here. 1381 01:07:33,507 --> 01:07:36,509 Yeah. Look, if this is weird, I can go. 1382 01:07:36,635 --> 01:07:39,846 It's just that, you know, you set it up and you didn't seem to mind. 1383 01:07:39,930 --> 01:07:41,639 No, I don't mind, it's not weird. Why would I find it weird? 1384 01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:44,768 Listen, the bloke's a bit of a twat, but you might like him. 1385 01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:47,437 Oh, yeah! I love a twat. 1386 01:07:47,521 --> 01:07:49,564 Single girl, looking for a guy. 1387 01:07:49,648 --> 01:07:51,941 No non-twats considered. 1388 01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:53,276 Oh, shit. Okay, they've seen us. 1389 01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:56,446 Let's go do this. 1390 01:07:56,530 --> 01:08:00,700 Okay, final game. It's Brits one, Yanks one. 1391 01:08:00,785 --> 01:08:03,620 We owe this to our great nation to win this, Chloe. 1392 01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:04,954 - Let's do it. - Yes, sir! 1393 01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,457 Just look at us. We're all getting on like a house on fire. 1394 01:08:07,541 --> 01:08:09,292 I've never really understood that phrase. 1395 01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:10,418 - (laughs) - Exactly why is it good 1396 01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:13,379 to get on like a house on fire? I mean, there might be small kids left inside. 1397 01:08:13,464 --> 01:08:14,547 - Think of them. - (Chloe) I know! 1398 01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:17,133 And the possibility of asphyxiation... 1399 01:08:17,218 --> 01:08:19,260 (Josh) Or at the very least, the loss of any no-claims bonus. 1400 01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:20,512 (laughs) 1401 01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:21,971 It's just a metaphor. 1402 01:08:22,056 --> 01:08:24,516 It means something that's uncontrollable, has momentum. 1403 01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:26,601 Exactly. So, tell me this. 1404 01:08:26,685 --> 01:08:29,020 What would be the first thing you'd save in a fire? Let me guess. 1405 01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,272 - Jimmy Choos. - Your wedding ring. 1406 01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:32,357 (laughs) 1407 01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:34,943 Well, obviously my wedding ring. 1408 01:08:35,027 --> 01:08:37,445 But I've got two hands, haven't I? 1409 01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,030 She does love that ring. 1410 01:08:39,615 --> 01:08:42,200 The first thing I noticed about you. Wasn't it? 1411 01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:58,758 (sighs) 1412 01:09:00,010 --> 01:09:01,052 Sorry, Nat. Excuse me. 1413 01:09:07,643 --> 01:09:08,685 Fuck off. 1414 01:09:09,937 --> 01:09:11,271 Yeah, that's too bad. 1415 01:09:11,730 --> 01:09:13,857 I'd probably rescue that necklace that I got you 1416 01:09:13,941 --> 01:09:15,733 when we got engaged in Venice. 1417 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,944 That's sweet. It's beautiful. 1418 01:09:19,947 --> 01:09:21,489 How about you, Chloe? 1419 01:09:21,615 --> 01:09:24,284 I'm guessing something sentimental, emotional? 1420 01:09:25,119 --> 01:09:26,161 Um... 1421 01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:28,037 - It's your shot, Guy. - Sorry? 1422 01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:30,874 - It's your shot, mate. - Sorry. 1423 01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:33,209 You wouldn't really head for the shoes, though, would you, Chloe? 1424 01:09:33,294 --> 01:09:34,961 Fashion's not really your thing. 1425 01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,297 (Guy) Why would it be? I mean, look at her. 1426 01:09:37,423 --> 01:09:38,631 She'd make anything look fantastic. 1427 01:09:38,716 --> 01:09:39,799 (scoffs) 1428 01:09:40,134 --> 01:09:42,802 - She'd make a sack look incredible. - (Chloe giggling) Thanks. 1429 01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:44,012 Good shot. 1430 01:09:44,096 --> 01:09:47,265 Yeah, it's like, what's the opposite of, "You cannot polish a turd"? 1431 01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,267 She's an already polished turd. 1432 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:52,145 She's a turd buffed to a high sheen. 1433 01:09:53,063 --> 01:09:54,314 Thanks. 1434 01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:55,899 (Josh) Unlucky, pal. 1435 01:09:55,983 --> 01:09:57,400 Yeah, honestly, if the stuff burnt up, 1436 01:09:57,484 --> 01:10:00,320 I think I'd just view it as a chance to start over, 1437 01:10:00,404 --> 01:10:04,782 you know, have a new adventure. I'm not too bothered by material possessions. 1438 01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:07,327 All right, come down on it a bit. 1439 01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,162 Come on. 1440 01:10:09,246 --> 01:10:10,955 And use your arm to go back and forth with it 1441 01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,290 so you really get a nice pumping action. 1442 01:10:12,917 --> 01:10:14,042 Then go through the ball, 1443 01:10:14,126 --> 01:10:16,085 and you want to hit it on the edge there. 1444 01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:17,921 Ah, ah, ah! If you put the cue 1445 01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:19,714 between your thumb and your first finger, 1446 01:10:19,798 --> 01:10:21,925 you'll find it easier to get... That's it. 1447 01:10:21,967 --> 01:10:24,928 Now get this moving before you take the shot. 1448 01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:26,012 Come down a bit lower on it. 1449 01:10:26,764 --> 01:10:28,806 Don't take the... Come on, not that low. 1450 01:10:29,642 --> 01:10:32,936 That's it. Now play through the ball, and breathe. 1451 01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:36,314 There's no point, is there? 1452 01:10:36,398 --> 01:10:38,983 If we're not gonna do it properly, it's like, what's the point? 1453 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,443 - There's no point in playing, is there? - Nice try. 1454 01:10:40,527 --> 01:10:42,320 (Chloe) Oh, I think it's my shot. 1455 01:10:42,404 --> 01:10:43,780 I think Chloe's right. 1456 01:10:43,864 --> 01:10:48,117 I mean, nice things is great, but ultimately, so what? 1457 01:10:48,202 --> 01:10:50,203 As long as the people you love are safe. 1458 01:10:51,121 --> 01:10:52,372 That's it. You got that? 1459 01:10:53,499 --> 01:10:54,707 - (Guy laughs) - (Josh) Good shot, Chloe. 1460 01:10:54,792 --> 01:10:56,209 - (laughs) - Did you see that? 1461 01:10:56,293 --> 01:10:58,086 That was... Wow! 1462 01:10:58,170 --> 01:11:00,421 (Chloe) I can't believe it. Oh! 1463 01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:03,633 - It'll never happen again. - Oh, it will. Be positive. 1464 01:11:03,717 --> 01:11:06,302 (Chloe) No. Once in a lifetime. 1465 01:11:07,137 --> 01:11:09,639 It's so sweet, what you said about that necklace. 1466 01:11:09,723 --> 01:11:10,723 (Josh) Yeah. 1467 01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,643 - I should wear it more often. - Okay. What do you think? 1468 01:11:13,727 --> 01:11:16,896 - I think you're good on your own. - Oh, you touched the cue ball. 1469 01:11:16,981 --> 01:11:18,356 - Oh. - So... 1470 01:11:18,440 --> 01:11:20,024 - Really? - I mean, if you want to play proper... 1471 01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:21,985 No, it's fine if you want to... 1472 01:11:22,069 --> 01:11:23,528 - Okay. - Sorry. 1473 01:11:23,612 --> 01:11:25,029 - Happens all the time, don't worry. - I'm sorry. 1474 01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:26,281 It's two shots if... 1475 01:11:26,365 --> 01:11:28,866 - No, no, it's cool. You... - All right. No, no. No, go ahead. 1476 01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:30,326 - I don't want to be a dick about it... - No! 1477 01:11:30,411 --> 01:11:31,411 - Too late. - Are you sure? 1478 01:11:31,495 --> 01:11:32,578 - Take your two shots. - Fine. 1479 01:11:32,788 --> 01:11:34,789 - Well, that was fun. - Yeah. 1480 01:11:34,873 --> 01:11:36,499 We should do it again. What do you say, Josh? 1481 01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:38,126 Give you Brits a chance for revenge? 1482 01:11:38,252 --> 01:11:40,878 Oh, yeah, 'cause... When my elbow's a bit better, 1483 01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,588 I'll be able to give you a much better game. Probably win. 1484 01:11:42,673 --> 01:11:44,340 Yeah, that sounds fun. 1485 01:11:44,425 --> 01:11:45,508 Can I walk you to your car? 1486 01:11:45,634 --> 01:11:48,219 Oh, you know, I'm just gonna catch a cab, 1487 01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:50,138 but you can wait with me if you like. 1488 01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:51,931 - Be my pleasure. - Okay. 1489 01:11:52,016 --> 01:11:54,976 Actually, Guy, do you mind if I quickly grab you for two minutes? 1490 01:11:55,060 --> 01:11:57,186 Just to talk packaging before the meeting. 1491 01:11:57,521 --> 01:11:58,646 Is that okay? 1492 01:11:59,481 --> 01:12:01,482 - Sure. - Thanks. Sorry. 1493 01:12:02,234 --> 01:12:04,319 Well, I could help you get a cab, if you want. 1494 01:12:04,653 --> 01:12:05,778 And I'll wait with you. 1495 01:12:07,614 --> 01:12:09,324 Okay, yeah. 1496 01:12:10,868 --> 01:12:12,744 - I had a blast, partner. - Oh! 1497 01:12:12,828 --> 01:12:14,996 We are what make our nation great. 1498 01:12:15,456 --> 01:12:18,082 I'd like to check out that Kandinsky thing you were talking about. 1499 01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:20,084 That sounds very interesting. 1500 01:12:20,627 --> 01:12:22,170 Thank you. 1501 01:12:24,673 --> 01:12:26,674 Aw, that's nice. All right? 1502 01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:28,384 Okay, I'll see you back at the flat. 1503 01:12:28,469 --> 01:12:30,595 All right. All the best. 1504 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,474 I presume we need to make a decision 1505 01:12:34,558 --> 01:12:37,643 on the LinkWorth tender for the branding. 1506 01:12:38,395 --> 01:12:39,437 What are your thoughts? 1507 01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:44,525 (door buzzing) 1508 01:12:45,277 --> 01:12:47,820 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought you said that this... 1509 01:12:49,990 --> 01:12:53,534 (woman shouting in Cantonese through speaker) 1510 01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:03,336 Oh, Christ, even your underwear's amazing. 1511 01:13:03,712 --> 01:13:05,713 (door buzzing) 1512 01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:10,385 - (woman speaking Cantonese) - It's a little fiddly. 1513 01:13:11,387 --> 01:13:13,137 Just rip it off. Just rip it! 1514 01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:14,889 - (fabric ripping) - There it is! 1515 01:13:16,350 --> 01:13:20,395 That Guy's so dull. He's so bland. 1516 01:13:20,979 --> 01:13:22,480 You don't like him, do you? 1517 01:13:22,815 --> 01:13:24,107 Taxi! 1518 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:26,567 No? 1519 01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:32,156 What's going on, Josh? What are we even doing? 1520 01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:35,660 What do you mean? Taxi! 1521 01:13:36,703 --> 01:13:38,621 Your light's on! Put your light... 1522 01:13:38,914 --> 01:13:40,289 His light was on. Why would... 1523 01:13:42,042 --> 01:13:44,377 You realise I love you, don't you? 1524 01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,338 I'm in love with a man who just got married 1525 01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:49,715 and we're both pretending that it's fine. 1526 01:13:50,050 --> 01:13:51,467 Tonight was so fucked-up! 1527 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:52,927 Taxi! 1528 01:13:56,348 --> 01:13:58,891 (Josh) No, no. Uh, excuse me, excuse me. No. 1529 01:13:58,976 --> 01:14:00,768 No, no, no, you don't do that. 1530 01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:02,854 That's not how decent people behave, is it? 1531 01:14:02,938 --> 01:14:05,231 How is society supposed to function 1532 01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:08,609 with people like you dragging us into a cesspit? 1533 01:14:08,986 --> 01:14:10,361 Mmm? We're not animals! 1534 01:14:10,779 --> 01:14:13,948 - Sorry, we just didn't see you. - Didn't realise it was your taxi. 1535 01:14:14,032 --> 01:14:16,200 - Please, take it. - Take it, you can have it. 1536 01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:18,286 So sorry. I'm sorry. 1537 01:14:19,079 --> 01:14:20,371 What am I supposed to do? 1538 01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:23,040 I can't just walk out of a marriage after nine months. 1539 01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:24,333 Why not? 1540 01:14:24,418 --> 01:14:27,336 Pride? Afraid of what people will say? 1541 01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:31,799 Figure out what you actually want to fight for, Josh. 1542 01:14:32,217 --> 01:14:33,468 When I went to Africa, 1543 01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:36,012 I convinced myself that we were too young 1544 01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:37,680 and somebody better would come along, 1545 01:14:37,764 --> 01:14:39,765 but they never did and they still haven't. 1546 01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:43,895 And now, every time I see you, I think, 1547 01:14:43,979 --> 01:14:45,521 why didn't you stop me? 1548 01:14:46,607 --> 01:14:48,774 Why didn't you fight? 1549 01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:51,402 (sighs) 1550 01:14:52,446 --> 01:14:54,280 This has to stop. 1551 01:14:55,115 --> 01:14:57,200 I can't see you any more. 1552 01:14:58,243 --> 01:14:59,994 You're married. 1553 01:15:00,579 --> 01:15:04,123 I can't see you any more. 1554 01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:19,972 - Dinner and a show, was it? - As it happens. 1555 01:15:20,057 --> 01:15:21,933 Yeah? Nice. 1556 01:15:22,017 --> 01:15:23,476 Sorry. 1557 01:15:41,411 --> 01:15:42,828 We need to talk. 1558 01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:45,373 We do, yeah. 1559 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,626 I don't know what's happening here, 1560 01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:51,003 but it's been nine months 1561 01:15:52,172 --> 01:15:53,381 and neither of us is happy 1562 01:15:54,925 --> 01:15:56,509 and I don't know how to change things. 1563 01:15:56,843 --> 01:15:59,804 I just never imagined that marriage would be this difficult, you know? 1564 01:16:01,765 --> 01:16:04,016 I don't want to be Hugh and Naomi. 1565 01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:06,602 I don't want to constantly row over whether the bin's full or not. 1566 01:16:06,687 --> 01:16:09,105 I don't see what's wrong with compacting the rubbish to make more space... 1567 01:16:09,189 --> 01:16:11,941 - I'm not rowing about the bin again. - Neither am I. 1568 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:19,949 Look, if you want to walk away, I understand. 1569 01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:22,243 Well, is that what you want? 1570 01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:24,120 That's not what I'm saying. 1571 01:16:24,204 --> 01:16:25,871 Because it sounds like you don't want to make it work. 1572 01:16:27,833 --> 01:16:29,083 Stop putting words into my mouth. 1573 01:16:29,167 --> 01:16:30,835 You're the one who said marriage was difficult. 1574 01:16:31,044 --> 01:16:33,546 Yeah, but I didn't say anything about walking away. 1575 01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:37,550 So, if you want to give up... 1576 01:16:38,719 --> 01:16:40,011 I'm not the one giving up. 1577 01:16:40,304 --> 01:16:41,637 Well, nor am I. 1578 01:16:42,222 --> 01:16:43,347 Well, 1579 01:16:43,473 --> 01:16:44,557 good. 1580 01:16:44,850 --> 01:16:46,684 That's good. 1581 01:16:50,772 --> 01:16:52,898 So what do we do? 1582 01:16:53,567 --> 01:16:55,735 (Nat) So, that's why we've come here today. 1583 01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:57,653 We've hit our low point, 1584 01:16:57,738 --> 01:17:01,282 but we're committed to making our marriage succeed. 1585 01:17:01,366 --> 01:17:02,575 (groans) 1586 01:17:03,368 --> 01:17:05,328 You should just cut your losses now 1587 01:17:05,412 --> 01:17:07,913 before your life becomes a series of squabbles 1588 01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,082 about who's meant to pick the kids up, 1589 01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:15,212 who put the King's Speech DVD back in the Sound of Music DVD case. 1590 01:17:15,672 --> 01:17:17,590 (sighs) I suppose, if you really want to make it work, 1591 01:17:17,716 --> 01:17:21,594 you could try focusing on making it to a year. 1592 01:17:22,971 --> 01:17:26,182 Commit to a life with each other for the next three months. 1593 01:17:27,559 --> 01:17:29,935 (♫ Don't Dream It's Over by Lolo Pritch) 1594 01:17:49,998 --> 01:17:51,123 (Diana) What is it? 1595 01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:53,542 - (sighs) - Is it a film? 1596 01:17:53,627 --> 01:17:55,002 - How many words? - (Nat) Novel? 1597 01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:57,088 Well, you must know how many words there are. 1598 01:17:57,172 --> 01:17:58,964 Sounds like? 1599 01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:24,865 I understand you're looking to sell. 1600 01:18:27,828 --> 01:18:29,495 I'm from Foxtons. 1601 01:18:34,626 --> 01:18:36,669 (singing along softly) ♫ We built this city 1602 01:18:38,004 --> 01:18:41,340 ♫ We built this city On the wrong damn road 1603 01:18:41,466 --> 01:18:42,967 ♫ Built this city 1604 01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:44,593 Boom, boom. 1605 01:18:44,678 --> 01:18:46,429 ♫ We built this city 1606 01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:50,391 ♫ On the wrong damn road ♫... and roll 1607 01:18:52,060 --> 01:18:54,103 ♫ Johnny played the bongos... 1608 01:18:55,105 --> 01:18:56,605 (humming along) 1609 01:19:16,084 --> 01:19:20,129 So, this time last year, you'd been Mrs Moss for... 1610 01:19:20,213 --> 01:19:22,631 Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty... 1611 01:19:22,716 --> 01:19:24,675 ...an hour and eight minutes. 1612 01:19:25,510 --> 01:19:27,636 (Nat) We made it. 1613 01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:30,014 One year. 1614 01:19:31,141 --> 01:19:33,517 We should be proud of ourselves. 1615 01:19:38,523 --> 01:19:40,191 Ta-da. 1616 01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:45,362 I thought I'd bring out the big guns for a special occasion. 1617 01:19:46,198 --> 01:19:48,532 - Could you help do me up? - Yeah. 1618 01:19:59,419 --> 01:20:00,961 I think two of these hooks are broken. 1619 01:20:02,589 --> 01:20:04,507 - Oh. Really? - Yeah, I think so. 1620 01:20:04,591 --> 01:20:09,094 - God. Um, let me fix it. - All right. 1621 01:20:11,973 --> 01:20:14,141 (♫ When Love Breaks Down by Snow Patrol) 1622 01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:26,237 Hon, I've just remembered I've got to do something. Um... 1623 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,907 I'll see you at the restaurant. Tell Hugh and Naomi, okay? 1624 01:20:30,158 --> 01:20:33,619 - Sure. I'll see you there. - (door closes) 1625 01:20:37,207 --> 01:20:38,582 (tyres screech) 1626 01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:40,960 (car horns honking) 1627 01:21:04,609 --> 01:21:07,236 (Chloe) You know, you haven't even told me where we're going yet. 1628 01:21:08,113 --> 01:21:10,406 (Guy) I wanted to surprise you. 1629 01:21:18,915 --> 01:21:21,792 - (all cheering) - Surprise! 1630 01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:23,794 What's going on? 1631 01:21:23,879 --> 01:21:25,629 I wanted to organise a little party for you. 1632 01:21:25,922 --> 01:21:28,007 A year is a big achievement. 1633 01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:29,508 Where is your stupid husband? 1634 01:21:29,759 --> 01:21:31,719 (inaudible) 1635 01:21:36,474 --> 01:21:38,517 (Guy) Did you remember your passport? 1636 01:21:38,602 --> 01:21:39,810 (sighs) 1637 01:21:39,895 --> 01:21:41,186 Here. 1638 01:21:41,271 --> 01:21:42,938 Is this human trafficking? 1639 01:21:43,023 --> 01:21:46,108 You're not gonna keep it and sell me to a gang of Albanians 1640 01:21:46,192 --> 01:21:48,402 who'll make me pleasure 25 truck drivers a day 1641 01:21:48,486 --> 01:21:51,572 at some port in Belgium for me to earn it back, are you? 1642 01:21:51,656 --> 01:21:54,491 No, no. Absolutely not. 1643 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:56,952 It's a terrible situation, though. 1644 01:21:57,662 --> 01:21:59,371 Those women... 1645 01:22:00,165 --> 01:22:04,793 I can't help but think they all just started life as someone's little baby. 1646 01:22:07,547 --> 01:22:08,672 He's still not picking up. 1647 01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:11,133 He's never usually late. 1648 01:22:11,217 --> 01:22:13,636 God, can we start without him? I'm starving. 1649 01:22:13,720 --> 01:22:15,179 We've been here forever. 1650 01:22:15,263 --> 01:22:17,514 (Nat) I can't believe he's late for our first-anniversary dinner. 1651 01:22:17,682 --> 01:22:19,058 I can't believe you even made it... 1652 01:22:19,142 --> 01:22:21,143 (hesitantly) ...to your first-anniversary dinner. 1653 01:22:21,686 --> 01:22:22,895 - What? - Hmm? 1654 01:22:23,021 --> 01:22:24,021 Mmm? 1655 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:31,028 Well, one year is pretty remarkable, 1656 01:22:31,237 --> 01:22:33,989 given that you two are completely ill-suited for one another, isn't it? 1657 01:22:34,074 --> 01:22:35,950 I mean, no one thought you were gonna make it a month, 1658 01:22:36,034 --> 01:22:37,076 much less a year. 1659 01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:38,202 Really? 1660 01:22:38,244 --> 01:22:40,913 I didn't actually think you'd make it past the honeymoon, honestly. 1661 01:22:40,997 --> 01:22:42,289 I thought you'd fuck a Moroccan. 1662 01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:43,415 - Whoa. - (Danny) I really did. 1663 01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:44,500 And I wouldn't have blamed you 1664 01:22:44,584 --> 01:22:46,460 because they're very beguiling, the Moroccans. 1665 01:22:46,544 --> 01:22:49,880 If you sort of like the swarthy gentleman. 1666 01:22:50,215 --> 01:22:52,216 - Thanks. And no, I don't. - That's not your thing? 1667 01:22:52,300 --> 01:22:54,134 - No. - Ooh. A bit racist? 1668 01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:56,553 I bet you'd do it. You'd do it with a foreign fellow, wouldn't you? 1669 01:22:56,972 --> 01:22:58,722 What about the Chinese fellows? 1670 01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:00,975 Because they've not got a great reputation as lovers. 1671 01:23:01,059 --> 01:23:03,936 But they must be doing something right, because there's billions of them. 1672 01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:05,854 You've got your Germans. Ach! Very efficient. 1673 01:23:05,939 --> 01:23:09,066 (mimics machine whirring) Like a machine, just... (grunts) In and out. 1674 01:23:09,192 --> 01:23:10,901 (German accent) "I vill annex your vagina! 1675 01:23:10,986 --> 01:23:12,987 "And then Poland!" No, forgive and forget. 1676 01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:14,655 But d'you know what? I don't know about you, 1677 01:23:14,739 --> 01:23:17,199 I've never met someone who's had sex with an Eskimo. 1678 01:23:17,283 --> 01:23:18,909 Be good, wouldn't it? Because they'd start with the noses 1679 01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:21,078 and then they'd, ooh, get down, you know, with the... 1680 01:23:21,871 --> 01:23:25,374 Do you think they do that down there? Not using the... Just... On the nose. 1681 01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:28,419 I bet you've had a few of them, yeah. And him. 1682 01:23:28,503 --> 01:23:29,670 (laughs) No, good luck to you. 1683 01:23:30,755 --> 01:23:33,799 - Thanks. - But, I mean, you did it. One year! 1684 01:23:33,883 --> 01:23:35,009 - Yay! - Yay! 1685 01:23:35,093 --> 01:23:36,760 Don't you clap. 1686 01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:39,680 Go on, give that twat of a husband another call. 1687 01:23:39,764 --> 01:23:40,848 Don't use your phone, use mine. 1688 01:23:40,932 --> 01:23:43,809 Because sometimes he avoids you if he sees your name come up on the caller ID. 1689 01:23:46,563 --> 01:23:48,439 (mobile ringing) 1690 01:24:22,932 --> 01:24:26,101 Oh, God. Happy anniversary! 1691 01:24:30,398 --> 01:24:32,399 Naomi arranged it. 1692 01:24:33,777 --> 01:24:35,569 Happy one year. 1693 01:24:36,404 --> 01:24:37,821 I need to tell you something, Nat. 1694 01:24:40,116 --> 01:24:42,326 I just think you're the most incredible woman. 1695 01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:44,703 - Aw! - How about that? 1696 01:24:44,788 --> 01:24:46,705 So beautiful. 1697 01:24:47,082 --> 01:24:50,042 And smart and bright and funny. 1698 01:24:50,794 --> 01:24:51,877 You're perfect. 1699 01:24:52,962 --> 01:24:55,297 - You're the perfect wife. - (Diana) Aw, sweet. 1700 01:24:58,635 --> 01:24:59,718 But just not for me. 1701 01:25:01,638 --> 01:25:04,014 I've waited my whole life for the right girl to show up. 1702 01:25:04,432 --> 01:25:06,183 And it turns out that you weren't it. 1703 01:25:06,684 --> 01:25:09,853 I don't find the way that you crinkle your nose when you laugh adorable, 1704 01:25:09,938 --> 01:25:11,230 the way you flick your hair, 1705 01:25:11,314 --> 01:25:12,815 - it's quite frankly irritating. - (Danny) Hear, hear. 1706 01:25:12,899 --> 01:25:14,900 I wanted to cherish everything about you, 1707 01:25:14,984 --> 01:25:17,945 but it just didn't happen. 1708 01:25:20,198 --> 01:25:21,990 So I guess what I'm trying to say is... 1709 01:25:22,992 --> 01:25:24,535 Natasha Moss... 1710 01:25:25,995 --> 01:25:27,329 will you divorce me? 1711 01:25:29,666 --> 01:25:31,083 Yes. 1712 01:25:31,167 --> 01:25:33,752 Yes. Yes! I will! 1713 01:25:33,837 --> 01:25:35,587 - I absolutely will! - That's so amazing! 1714 01:25:35,672 --> 01:25:37,422 - Do you really mean it? - Absolutely! 1715 01:25:37,507 --> 01:25:40,592 I've been waiting for this moment for months, hoping it would happen. 1716 01:25:40,677 --> 01:25:41,969 I can't believe that you asked me. 1717 01:25:42,053 --> 01:25:43,512 Why didn't you just say something, then? 1718 01:25:43,596 --> 01:25:46,515 I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I thought it would break your heart. 1719 01:25:46,850 --> 01:25:50,227 You've made me the happiest woman in the world. 1720 01:25:51,354 --> 01:25:52,396 I love you. 1721 01:25:52,730 --> 01:25:53,856 But you're not in love with me. 1722 01:25:53,940 --> 01:25:56,108 No! God, no. 1723 01:25:56,192 --> 01:25:58,068 Unequivocally not in love with you. 1724 01:25:58,444 --> 01:26:00,612 The opposite. The opposite of love. Misery. 1725 01:26:00,697 --> 01:26:02,614 - Me, too! - (laughs) 1726 01:26:03,366 --> 01:26:05,534 I can't believe we felt the same for so long. 1727 01:26:05,618 --> 01:26:09,413 Well, listen, now we have the rest of our lives 1728 01:26:09,789 --> 01:26:11,081 not to be together. 1729 01:26:14,169 --> 01:26:15,502 Cheers? 1730 01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:17,838 Look, this is amazing, it's magical. 1731 01:26:17,922 --> 01:26:19,089 It's better than I could ever have imagined, 1732 01:26:19,174 --> 01:26:20,966 but there's somewhere else that I really need to be right now. 1733 01:26:21,050 --> 01:26:23,177 Oh, go! Seriously, go. Do you need money for a cab? 1734 01:26:23,261 --> 01:26:24,303 No, I'm all right, I'm in the car, 1735 01:26:24,387 --> 01:26:26,305 but it was a nightmare trying to park, so I'm basically in a... 1736 01:26:26,389 --> 01:26:29,516 Oh, God, stop it. Stop it. It's so boring. 1737 01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,310 - It's just, the car's in your name... - It's so boring. 1738 01:26:31,394 --> 01:26:33,478 - We should sort that out, actually. - It's so boring. I don't care. 1739 01:26:33,563 --> 01:26:35,647 - All right, but... - Honestly. Just go. 1740 01:26:45,283 --> 01:26:46,450 (laughs) 1741 01:26:49,078 --> 01:26:51,914 I will never have to see you again. 1742 01:26:52,999 --> 01:26:54,499 Ever. 1743 01:26:59,589 --> 01:27:01,089 Taxi! 1744 01:27:07,513 --> 01:27:09,640 (♫ Please Forgive Me by The Pierces) 1745 01:27:09,724 --> 01:27:11,141 (inaudible) 1746 01:27:17,148 --> 01:27:18,523 Ta-da! 1747 01:27:19,108 --> 01:27:20,692 Oh, wow! 1748 01:27:20,777 --> 01:27:23,320 I've always wanted to go to Aachen. 1749 01:27:25,323 --> 01:27:27,866 No, uh, we're going to Paris. 1750 01:27:27,992 --> 01:27:29,243 Paris. 1751 01:27:30,245 --> 01:27:33,205 Ah! (chuckles) Okay. Joke! 1752 01:27:33,790 --> 01:27:35,332 - Yeah. - Yeah! (laughing) 1753 01:27:49,264 --> 01:27:51,265 - I'm thinking two kids. - (laughing) Oh! 1754 01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:54,226 - Guy Junior and Gaia. - Wait! Wait, stop! 1755 01:27:55,311 --> 01:27:56,436 - Stand back. - Oh, my God. 1756 01:27:57,814 --> 01:27:59,439 I can't be without you, Chloe. 1757 01:28:00,024 --> 01:28:01,608 I think about you every second of the day. 1758 01:28:03,027 --> 01:28:04,152 I need to be with you. 1759 01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:05,946 And I know you want to be with me as well. 1760 01:28:06,030 --> 01:28:07,197 What the hell are you doing? 1761 01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:09,741 You can't just turn up and try and steal my girlfriend away. 1762 01:28:09,826 --> 01:28:11,994 You're married. You're a married man. 1763 01:28:12,036 --> 01:28:13,704 You should get out of here, creep. 1764 01:28:14,122 --> 01:28:15,122 I split up with Nat. 1765 01:28:15,206 --> 01:28:17,541 - You split up with Nat? - You split up with Nat? 1766 01:28:17,917 --> 01:28:20,544 Ever since you came back into my life, I've known that I had to be with you. 1767 01:28:22,547 --> 01:28:25,132 When I lie in bed, I think about the way that you laugh. 1768 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:28,760 I can't work because I can't stop imagining our lives together. 1769 01:28:29,679 --> 01:28:33,181 You're everything that I've ever wanted in a... 1770 01:28:34,726 --> 01:28:37,352 - Nat?! - Josh? What... 1771 01:28:39,605 --> 01:28:41,481 (panting) What? What? 1772 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:42,983 Okay, sorry. 1773 01:28:45,069 --> 01:28:48,363 Nat, we spoke about this, didn't we? 1774 01:28:48,906 --> 01:28:50,615 - It's not gonna work out. - No, I, uh... 1775 01:28:50,700 --> 01:28:52,034 - Actually, I'm... - I'm not gonna change my mind. 1776 01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:54,536 - I don't care what you say. - I'm, uh... 1777 01:28:55,580 --> 01:28:58,165 - I'm not here to see you. - What are you doing? 1778 01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:00,042 I'm actually not here to see you. 1779 01:29:00,126 --> 01:29:01,960 What do you mean, you're not actually here to see me? 1780 01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,421 Him! 1781 01:29:04,797 --> 01:29:06,089 - Really? - And you... 1782 01:29:06,466 --> 01:29:08,425 - Her, yeah. - Her, of course. 1783 01:29:08,509 --> 01:29:09,968 You're perfect for each other. 1784 01:29:10,053 --> 01:29:13,138 And I always thought he was much more the kind of guy that you should go for. 1785 01:29:13,222 --> 01:29:14,848 Do you remember when I said to you when I was trying to... 1786 01:29:14,932 --> 01:29:16,516 Oh, I do remember that! I remember when you said that, 1787 01:29:16,601 --> 01:29:18,185 and at the time, I agreed. 1788 01:29:18,311 --> 01:29:19,353 And I thought in my mind, 1789 01:29:19,437 --> 01:29:20,604 "I think he's right, I should be with him." 1790 01:29:20,688 --> 01:29:23,482 - That's what I wanted. - (chuckling) 1791 01:29:23,566 --> 01:29:25,859 (sighs) Ah! And here we are. 1792 01:29:26,235 --> 01:29:27,319 Here we are. 1793 01:29:28,029 --> 01:29:31,031 And where were you? Had you been explaining 1794 01:29:31,115 --> 01:29:33,033 - the bit about us... - Us breaking up, yeah. 1795 01:29:33,159 --> 01:29:35,369 I was just explaining to Chloe why I was in love with her. 1796 01:29:37,497 --> 01:29:41,291 Okay, is it just me, or is this unbelievably awkward? 1797 01:29:41,376 --> 01:29:42,542 (Nat) Look at that. 1798 01:29:42,627 --> 01:29:44,461 She's got that dry sense of humour that you like. 1799 01:29:44,545 --> 01:29:46,463 I mean, I just don't have that. 1800 01:29:46,547 --> 01:29:50,675 And this guy, forget about it. Unbelievable. 1801 01:29:51,302 --> 01:29:53,470 Proper grade-A hunk. 1802 01:29:53,554 --> 01:29:55,013 I could just drink you in. 1803 01:29:55,598 --> 01:29:57,057 Thanks. 1804 01:29:58,643 --> 01:30:02,813 (Josh) But this lady here, she's incredible. 1805 01:30:03,731 --> 01:30:06,483 And you make her eyes light up in a way that I never could. 1806 01:30:11,489 --> 01:30:13,490 Would you mind... 1807 01:30:13,574 --> 01:30:15,659 No, no, uh... please. 1808 01:30:16,411 --> 01:30:17,619 Would it be all right if I... 1809 01:30:17,703 --> 01:30:19,079 Of course. 1810 01:30:19,872 --> 01:30:21,289 Thank you. 1811 01:30:23,668 --> 01:30:24,835 (inhales) 1812 01:30:26,963 --> 01:30:28,422 - Thank you. - (all) Oh! 1813 01:30:28,506 --> 01:30:30,590 - That's nice. - Sorry. 1814 01:30:32,343 --> 01:30:34,803 No, not you, we don't want to do that. 1815 01:30:34,887 --> 01:30:37,347 Never again. Come around this side. 1816 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:39,099 Hi. 1817 01:30:45,982 --> 01:30:47,858 - This is a bit weird. - This is weird, isn't it? 1818 01:30:47,942 --> 01:30:49,359 - Yeah. - We'll go. 1819 01:30:49,444 --> 01:30:51,194 - Let's go over here. - (Guy) No, we'll go. 1820 01:30:56,200 --> 01:30:58,452 (♫ Never Knew Love Like This Before by Jessie Ware) 1821 01:31:38,534 --> 01:31:40,285 - Who had the chicken feet? - I did. 1822 01:31:40,369 --> 01:31:41,870 You had the chicken feet. 1823 01:31:41,954 --> 01:31:44,247 - We didn't have a starter. - No, no. 1824 01:31:44,332 --> 01:31:46,583 And we didn't have the champagne. 1825 01:31:46,667 --> 01:31:50,128 We spent £45,000 on a wedding to your prick son! 1826 01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:53,423 You can chip in for a bit of fucking dim sum! 1827 01:32:23,120 --> 01:32:24,454 All right, pause, pause, pause. 1828 01:32:24,539 --> 01:32:25,580 I'll tell you what we'll do. 1829 01:32:25,665 --> 01:32:29,167 We'll make a list of pros and cons, right, of Nat. 1830 01:32:29,252 --> 01:32:33,296 Pros. Number one, body. 1831 01:32:33,381 --> 01:32:36,299 Excellent. I've seen it nude, loved it. 1832 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,093 I beg your pardon? When have you seen it nude? 1833 01:32:38,386 --> 01:32:40,804 Well, when we were down in that place in Cornwall, 1834 01:32:40,888 --> 01:32:42,681 I sort of walked in when she was getting changed. 1835 01:32:42,765 --> 01:32:44,140 - What do you mean, you walked in... - "Accidentally." 1836 01:32:44,225 --> 01:32:46,434 - What's that? What's that? - Hey, listen, I'll tell you, 1837 01:32:46,519 --> 01:32:49,729 you lock your door or these peepers will come a-roving. 1838 01:32:49,897 --> 01:32:52,732 All right, mate? That's the way I roll. 1839 01:32:52,817 --> 01:32:54,484 You know that, she should know that. 1840 01:32:54,569 --> 01:32:56,861 What about that she's, um... 1841 01:32:58,114 --> 01:32:59,656 - Kind... - Boring. 1842 01:32:59,740 --> 01:33:01,324 ...and warm. 1843 01:33:01,409 --> 01:33:03,368 (scoffs) Warm? Put the radiator on if you want warm. 1844 01:33:03,452 --> 01:33:05,453 And, um, good with kids. 1845 01:33:05,580 --> 01:33:07,747 So was Michael Jackson. Look at that marriage. It didn't last. 1846 01:33:09,417 --> 01:33:10,417 Yeah, but I love her. 1847 01:33:10,501 --> 01:33:12,002 - (scoffs) Love. - Well, I do. 1848 01:33:12,086 --> 01:33:13,295 Yeah, sounds a bit gay. 1849 01:33:13,754 --> 01:33:15,005 We can get back out there like the lads. 1850 01:33:15,089 --> 01:33:17,507 Like the old days, you know? The Terrible Two. 1851 01:33:17,592 --> 01:33:18,592 Do you know what I mean? 1852 01:33:18,676 --> 01:33:20,510 "Lock up your daughters. And your mothers." 1853 01:33:20,595 --> 01:33:21,845 I'm not fussy. 1854 01:33:22,179 --> 01:33:24,222 Every time I open my mouth when I'm around her, she's like, 1855 01:33:24,307 --> 01:33:26,474 (mockingly) "No, don't say that. You can't say that. 1856 01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:27,601 "You can't do that. 1857 01:33:27,935 --> 01:33:30,854 "Put your trousers on! Put your trousers on! We're in a restaurant!" 1858 01:33:30,938 --> 01:33:33,189 - Oh, shut up. - Well, she's... (sighs) 1859 01:37:02,441 --> 01:37:04,442