WEBVTT FILE

1
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Must you? Just here?

2
00:01:01.519 --> 00:01:04.313
... three, two, one!

3
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Happy New Year!

4
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I do.

5
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It now gives me
great pleasure to pronounce you...

6
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Excuse me.

7
00:02:12.465 --> 00:02:14.925
You all right?

8
00:02:15.385 --> 00:02:17.469
I'm fine.

9
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- Something lodged?
- Nothing.

10
00:02:20.223 --> 00:02:21.807
- Water.
- What?

11
00:02:21.891 --> 00:02:23.725
A glass of water, please.

12
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- Where's the water?
- I don't know.

13
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Oh, dear.

14
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He's getting it from the font!

15
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Mmm.

16
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Jesus Christ. Sorry.

17
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- So sorry. Where were we?
- "I now pronounce you."

18
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- I now pronounce you.
- Yeah.

19
00:02:56.176 --> 00:02:59.553
- No, thank you.
- I now pronounce you...

20
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...husband and wife.

21
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Look at them.

22
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- Aren't they adorable?
- Yes.

23
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I give it a year.

24
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And for those of you
who don't know me,

25
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and especially if we meet
in the bar later,

26
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my name is,
"Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?"

27
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"Danny Do-you-want-a-pint?"

28
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Fornication...

29
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I'll read that again.

30
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For an occasion...

31
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like this,

32
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I want to make sure I keep up
the traditions of being a best man.

33
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Apparently I need to get the groom
to the church on time. Tick.

34
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I need to remember the rings. Did that.
And I need to...

35
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have sex with a bridesmaid. Wahey!

36
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I... To be fair, I wrote these, um...
before I knew they...

37
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I would never have sex with a...

38
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Maybe when they're older.
Never say never.

39
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And keep away from Paedo Rog! Ha-ha!

40
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All right, Paedo?
Nice to have you.

41
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He's come a long way. Good lad.

42
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It's great to see so many people turn up
to see Josh finally tie the knot.

43
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And about time, too.

44
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Nat's got it all.
She's brilliantly clever,

45
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apparently really delivers
in the bedroom.

46
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Like mother like daughter, eh?
He knows what I'm talking about.

47
00:04:28.935 --> 00:04:29.935
And I don't know about you,

48
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but I feel she could easily be a model,
I think we'll agree,

49
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if it wasn't for her nose.

50
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When I first saw her beaver...

51
00:04:37.610 --> 00:04:39.528
...ing away... Beavering away,

52
00:04:39.612 --> 00:04:41.697
cooking Josh a meal,
I knew she was a real catch.

53
00:04:42.323 --> 00:04:45.450
Um, I've got no idea why
her previous boyfriend cheated on her,

54
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but, uh, I'm glad he did.

55
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Cheers to him, wherever he may be.

56
00:04:48.579 --> 00:04:50.163
Probably shagging.

57
00:04:50.248 --> 00:04:52.541
But, uh, no. Um, seriously, Nat.

58
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You're a real eight out of ten, love.
I mean that sincerely.

59
00:04:55.128 --> 00:04:57.462
And we're delighted you and Josh
have found each other.

60
00:04:57.547 --> 00:04:59.548
So, everyone, please,
raise your glasses

61
00:04:59.966 --> 00:05:02.384
as we say a little toast
to Nat and Josh.

62
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To Nat and Josh!

63
00:05:09.976 --> 00:05:11.560
Nat is literally gonna be cringing
right now.

64
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She hates being the centre of attention.

65
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It is impossible to imagine anyone

66
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looking more beautiful
than you do today, Nat.

67
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And I know how much you love
being the centre of attention.

68
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That's just one of the things
that makes us so different.

69
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Because I'm a thinker, you're a doer.

70
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I'm laissez-faire, you're anal.

71
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Hey, you dirty sod!

72
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On you go.

73
00:05:31.331 --> 00:05:33.123
I think it's fine for a man
to wear Crocs,

74
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and you've made it abundantly clear
you do not.

75
00:05:37.545 --> 00:05:38.587
I know it's only been seven months,

76
00:05:38.671 --> 00:05:42.799
and some of you think that we're crazy
for getting married, but...

77
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all I know is,
from the first moment I saw you,

78
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I knew that yours was the only face

79
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and the only voice...

80
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- that I would ever need again.
- Aw!

81
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'Cause in that moment,
everything just changed.

82
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Everything just seemed to fit
so perfectly.

83
00:06:01.069 --> 00:06:02.611
Wahey!

84
00:06:03.196 --> 00:06:06.031
And I'm so lucky that I feel like
I'm only just getting to know you.

85
00:06:09.077 --> 00:06:10.744
Ladies and gentlemen,

86
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here's to us.

87
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- Here's to us.
- Cheers!

88
00:06:39.023 --> 00:06:40.607
Are you happy?

89
00:06:40.900 --> 00:06:42.401
The happiest.

90
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The best two hours and 36 minutes
of my life.

91
00:06:50.326 --> 00:06:52.786
You know, I had this terrible fear

92
00:06:52.870 --> 00:06:56.248
that you were gonna
do some sort of novelty dance.

93
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Get it on quickly, get it on quickly.
I'm so sorry, Nat.

94
00:07:40.168 --> 00:07:42.085
- You can't say those things.
- Don't be a player hater.

95
00:07:42.170 --> 00:07:44.296
Seriously, mate.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

96
00:07:44.422 --> 00:07:45.464
Am I right? Put it there, mate.

97
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- Ready?
- Yeah.

98
00:08:09.113 --> 00:08:11.239
Aw. That's nice.

99
00:08:14.952 --> 00:08:17.954
Listen, son, you know
it's not easy, don't you?

100
00:08:18.664 --> 00:08:21.583
- The first year is the worst.
- Okay.

101
00:08:21.667 --> 00:08:23.084
- It's true.
- Thank you.

102
00:08:23.169 --> 00:08:24.920
If you can make it through
the first year of marriage,

103
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- you can make it through anything.
- Yeah.

104
00:08:28.424 --> 00:08:30.759
You know, there were times
when your father was late home

105
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- I used to fantasise he'd been killed.
- Did you?

106
00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:35.013
- Mmm.
- That's nice.

107
00:08:35.097 --> 00:08:36.932
Oh, in my mind, it was always the IRA.

108
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Strange, strange.

109
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But things got better
because we love each other.

110
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Tremendous, tremendous.

111
00:08:51.864 --> 00:08:53.865
- Shall we go, yeah? This is weird.
- Yes, it's a bit weird.

112
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Unbelievable. Just unbelievable.

113
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- So, that was nine months ago.
- Mmm.

114
00:09:13.386 --> 00:09:17.138
And I think even then
we knew instinctively

115
00:09:17.223 --> 00:09:18.515
something wasn't quite right.

116
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You realised you'd married
beneath yourself.

117
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You thought you could be
with someone better-looking,

118
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better body,
perhaps a professional man?

119
00:09:26.232 --> 00:09:27.816
- Uh, no.
- No.

120
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No, no, I think we were both in love
with the idea of being in love.

121
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You know, and we're at that age
where we're ready to find "the one".

122
00:09:37.910 --> 00:09:40.328
And don't tell me, Josh,
you opened that closet door,

123
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didn't want to live that lie any more.

124
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I picked up on it
the moment you sat down.

125
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Tricks of the trade.
You know, you can tell by the shoes.

126
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No! Oh, Christ, no, no, no, no,
I'm completely straight.

127
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Couldn't be less gay.
I mean, I don't even like...

128
00:09:52.466 --> 00:09:54.217
touching my own penis.

129
00:09:57.096 --> 00:09:59.139
Right, so were there
terrible sexual problems?

130
00:09:59.348 --> 00:10:01.975
Does he have tremendously niche desires?

131
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Did he want to touch you here?

132
00:10:06.939 --> 00:10:08.773
- Uh...
- Never with a pen.

133
00:10:11.110 --> 00:10:13.403
Look, Nat's amazing, obviously.
She's wonderful.

134
00:10:13.487 --> 00:10:15.614
And I think we both really want
to make this work.

135
00:10:15.698 --> 00:10:16.740
But is it possible

136
00:10:16.824 --> 00:10:19.200
that some people
just aren't supposed to be married?

137
00:10:19.285 --> 00:10:21.453
Truthfully, there's just something
in our marriage

138
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that hasn't quite...

139
00:10:23.164 --> 00:10:24.998
- Clicked.
...jelled.

140
00:10:31.672 --> 00:10:33.298
So? Was it like a dream?

141
00:10:33.382 --> 00:10:35.675
Well, we ticked every wedding box.

142
00:10:35.760 --> 00:10:38.595
Cake, sweaty uncles dancing to Queen.

143
00:10:38.679 --> 00:10:41.389
People we thought were dead
flying in from Canada.

144
00:10:41.474 --> 00:10:43.391
It was very wedding-y, right?

145
00:10:43.476 --> 00:10:44.809
It was so romantic.

146
00:10:44.894 --> 00:10:46.227
It was just like a Hugh Grant film.

147
00:10:46.437 --> 00:10:48.438
- It was amazing, wasn't it?
- Mmm!

148
00:10:48.522 --> 00:10:50.315
Did you like all the flowers?
We got the most...

149
00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:51.650
I'm sorry,

150
00:10:51.942 --> 00:10:53.568
but can we do this at lunch?

151
00:10:53.986 --> 00:10:55.612
- Right. Absolutely, Helen.
- Thanks.

152
00:10:55.696 --> 00:10:57.656
Ruthlessly efficient, as always.

153
00:10:57.740 --> 00:10:58.782
We should not be talking about

154
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- lace halter necks on company time.
- No.

155
00:11:01.744 --> 00:11:04.829
- What's the story?
- While you were on your holiday,

156
00:11:04.997 --> 00:11:06.206
I took the initiative

157
00:11:06.332 --> 00:11:08.541
and I started gathering ideas
for Guy Harrap.

158
00:11:08.918 --> 00:11:12.337
He's taken over his father's
industrial solvent and bleach empire.

159
00:11:12.421 --> 00:11:17.217
You weren't here, but he basically wants
to make solvents and bleach sexy.

160
00:11:17.301 --> 00:11:19.260
Fuck off.

161
00:11:21.430 --> 00:11:23.932
Is that
my dirty little slut of a wife?

162
00:11:24.809 --> 00:11:25.809
Hey!

163
00:11:25.893 --> 00:11:27.143
What are you doing?

164
00:11:27.228 --> 00:11:29.104
Uh, middle of a meeting. What's up?

165
00:11:29.313 --> 00:11:32.273
Maybe I'm just missing
the sexiest wife in the universe.

166
00:11:32.358 --> 00:11:35.568
- Not working today?
- I've got writer's block.

167
00:11:35.986 --> 00:11:39.948
I can't work out whether to call
my main character Ezra

168
00:11:40.199 --> 00:11:42.784
- or David.
- Um, David.

169
00:11:42.868 --> 00:11:44.536
I was at school with an Ezra
who got expelled

170
00:11:44.620 --> 00:11:45.954
for punching a swan in the throat.

171
00:11:46.038 --> 00:11:47.872
Who said the second novel
would be tricky?

172
00:11:48.916 --> 00:11:49.958
Anything else?

173
00:11:50.042 --> 00:11:52.794
No, no, no. I'll see you at three.

174
00:11:52.878 --> 00:11:54.379
Love...

175
00:11:54.964 --> 00:11:56.047
...you.

176
00:11:56.132 --> 00:11:58.800
Sorry, that was my husband.

177
00:11:58.884 --> 00:12:00.343
He has writer's block.

178
00:12:00.428 --> 00:12:02.303
Did I mention that
he was a writer, of books?

179
00:12:02.388 --> 00:12:04.431
- Only about a million times.
- Yeah, Clare mentioned it,

180
00:12:04.515 --> 00:12:06.683
but I've never heard of him.

181
00:12:11.105 --> 00:12:12.147
Sorry, sorry.

182
00:12:12.231 --> 00:12:14.482
You do realise you're not going
any faster than walking, don't you?

183
00:12:14.567 --> 00:12:16.651
You've got all the superficial
trappings of a run

184
00:12:16.736 --> 00:12:18.903
but there's people walking
much faster than you.

185
00:12:19.029 --> 00:12:21.239
You're just expending
a lot of surplus energy.

186
00:12:21.407 --> 00:12:23.408
Thank you for that analysis.

187
00:12:23.492 --> 00:12:24.784
How late are we?

188
00:12:24.869 --> 00:12:27.954
Well, you, my little friend,
are 10 minutes early.

189
00:12:28.038 --> 00:12:30.749
I told you the wrong time because I knew
you'd never be on schedule.

190
00:12:31.417 --> 00:12:33.501
- Right.
- Mmm!

191
00:12:33.586 --> 00:12:36.463
I'm just trying to work out
if I find that endearing

192
00:12:36.547 --> 00:12:40.091
or it makes me want to bludgeon you
to death with a shovel.

193
00:12:40.176 --> 00:12:41.843
- No, it's endearing.
- I think it's a shovel.

194
00:12:41.927 --> 00:12:44.095
- It's endearing.
- Do we have a shovel?

195
00:12:44.180 --> 00:12:47.432
Well, firstly, a hearty "mazoltov"
for your marriage.

196
00:12:48.267 --> 00:12:49.434
- I think it's "mazel tov", isn't it?
- Thank you.

197
00:12:49.769 --> 00:12:51.561
- Mmm?
- I always thought it was "mazel tov".

198
00:12:51.729 --> 00:12:53.104
I don't know, I'm not Jewish.

199
00:12:53.522 --> 00:12:54.564
Oh.

200
00:12:55.232 --> 00:12:59.778
But, as you know, whilst everything
may seem so happy now,

201
00:12:59.862 --> 00:13:02.197
of course you could be
struck down at any time.

202
00:13:02.281 --> 00:13:06.242
Cancer. Heart disease. Meningitis.

203
00:13:06.368 --> 00:13:07.994
Hit by a truck.

204
00:13:08.078 --> 00:13:09.496
Bam!

205
00:13:10.289 --> 00:13:14.250
I had a client who was kicked to death
by a group of disaffected youths

206
00:13:14.335 --> 00:13:15.710
high on meow meow.

207
00:13:15.795 --> 00:13:17.962
She'd just left the house
to get potatoes.

208
00:13:19.131 --> 00:13:20.632
- Just potatoes.
- Shit.

209
00:13:20.716 --> 00:13:21.966
And the tragedy was,

210
00:13:22.051 --> 00:13:23.843
she hadn't thought to make a will.

211
00:13:24.428 --> 00:13:26.596
Or a Tesco home delivery.

212
00:13:26.680 --> 00:13:27.806
What?

213
00:13:28.682 --> 00:13:29.808
Yeah.

214
00:13:30.476 --> 00:13:33.144
She was only identifiable
by her dental records.

215
00:13:34.188 --> 00:13:35.647
Why, what had they done to her?

216
00:13:35.731 --> 00:13:37.482
They'd made impressions of her teeth.

217
00:13:39.527 --> 00:13:41.444
Still, fortunately, you two have had
the presence of mind

218
00:13:41.529 --> 00:13:42.570
to plan for your future.

219
00:13:42.780 --> 00:13:45.031
So, have you considered
what would happen

220
00:13:45.115 --> 00:13:47.534
if either of you
fell into a persistent...

221
00:13:47.618 --> 00:13:50.286
- ... vegetatative state?
- A what, sorry?

222
00:13:50.371 --> 00:13:52.288
Persistent vegetatative state.

223
00:13:52.373 --> 00:13:55.041
Mmm.
One too many T's there. "Vegetative."

224
00:13:57.837 --> 00:14:00.630
Have you considered what would happen
if you fell into...

225
00:14:00.714 --> 00:14:01.798
one of these guys?

226
00:14:02.550 --> 00:14:04.551
Just pillow talk, really.

227
00:14:05.845 --> 00:14:07.929
No, I think we did decide
that we'd both like to be left to die.

228
00:14:08.180 --> 00:14:10.598
Excellent, yes.
We just switched off my aunt.

229
00:14:10.641 --> 00:14:12.225
- I'm sorry.
- Aw.

230
00:14:12.309 --> 00:14:14.310
No, it's all right.
It's no quality of life.

231
00:14:14.395 --> 00:14:15.979
And we freed up a socket
for a lava lamp.

232
00:14:16.272 --> 00:14:17.272
Ah.

233
00:14:17.356 --> 00:14:18.439
It's transformed the lounge.

234
00:14:18.524 --> 00:14:19.566
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

235
00:14:19.650 --> 00:14:20.942
Largely losing her, to be fair.

236
00:14:22.319 --> 00:14:25.280
Now, can we go through a few of these?
Just give me a yes or no.

237
00:14:25.364 --> 00:14:28.366
Are we switching the life support off?

238
00:14:28.450 --> 00:14:29.492
Brain dead?

239
00:14:30.578 --> 00:14:33.246
- Switch it off.
- Switch it off. Get it off.

240
00:14:33.956 --> 00:14:35.373
Locked-in syndrome?

241
00:14:36.208 --> 00:14:38.084
That's the one where you're paralysed
but you can still wink.

242
00:14:38.711 --> 00:14:39.919
It's all the...

243
00:14:40.546 --> 00:14:42.797
It's the dribble, isn't it,
that I couldn't handle.

244
00:14:42.882 --> 00:14:45.258
- Constantly mopping up phlegm.
- I wouldn't want that.

245
00:14:45.342 --> 00:14:47.218
You wouldn't want that.
That's why you're murdering your wife.

246
00:14:48.387 --> 00:14:49.470
So, are you switching it off?

247
00:14:49.555 --> 00:14:50.763
- Sorry, what are you doing?
- Off!

248
00:14:50.848 --> 00:14:52.140
- Switch it off, yeah.
- Off she goes!

249
00:14:52.224 --> 00:14:53.933
Night-night.

250
00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:58.271
Um, brain-damaged and vegetative.

251
00:14:58.355 --> 00:14:59.856
- Thank you.
- Mmm.

252
00:15:00.232 --> 00:15:01.774
Um, brain stem undamaged.

253
00:15:01.859 --> 00:15:04.736
So you're breathing,
you're swallowing, you're fine,

254
00:15:04.820 --> 00:15:07.822
but you are still literally
a shell of a person

255
00:15:07.907 --> 00:15:11.576
with no capacity
for any emotion or thought.

256
00:15:12.536 --> 00:15:14.370
Much like my Susan.

257
00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:16.247
My little joke.

258
00:15:18.792 --> 00:15:20.627
- Off, off.
- Off, yeah, off.

259
00:15:20.711 --> 00:15:24.589
Get that off, off, off, off!

260
00:15:26.133 --> 00:15:27.425
Well, this is slightly more depressing

261
00:15:27.509 --> 00:15:28.676
- than I'd imagined.
- Oh, no. Come one.

262
00:15:28.761 --> 00:15:30.970
And you haven't even
received my bill yet.

263
00:15:32.723 --> 00:15:34.140
That's a good 'un. That is a good 'un.

264
00:15:41.148 --> 00:15:43.650
An electric peppermill?

265
00:15:43.734 --> 00:15:45.568
I can't believe you got
an electric peppermill.

266
00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.488
We thought we had to have
at least one dinner party

267
00:15:48.572 --> 00:15:50.239
to use all the crap we got bought.

268
00:15:51.033 --> 00:15:52.367
At least that's a useful gift.

269
00:15:52.576 --> 00:15:54.369
D'you know what I mean?
I hate those gifts where someone says,

270
00:15:54.453 --> 00:15:55.495
"Do you know what I've done for you?

271
00:15:55.579 --> 00:15:56.955
"I've donated to charity
on your behalf."

272
00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:58.873
"Have you? Really?" Bollocks to that.

273
00:15:58.958 --> 00:16:01.459
If I'm getting married, why should some
African fella get a couple of goats?

274
00:16:01.543 --> 00:16:03.086
I want a fucking smoothie maker,
d'you know what I mean?

275
00:16:05.881 --> 00:16:08.216
- Did you get them goats?
- Four of them.

276
00:16:08.300 --> 00:16:09.342
- Four goats?
- Yeah.

277
00:16:09.426 --> 00:16:10.969
That's a lovely gift, that,
because they need goats.

278
00:16:13.055 --> 00:16:14.472
African fella's pleased.

279
00:16:15.432 --> 00:16:18.101
Go on, tell us about your honeymoon.

280
00:16:18.268 --> 00:16:20.812
It was lovely. It was idyllic.

281
00:16:20.896 --> 00:16:22.188
Morocco's beautiful.

282
00:16:22.272 --> 00:16:23.606
- Amazing place, yeah.
- Yeah.

283
00:16:23.691 --> 00:16:24.983
It was just a bit long, really.

284
00:16:25.067 --> 00:16:26.067
I was really sad when we came back.

285
00:16:26.151 --> 00:16:28.653
Well, things hit a low point
when we found ourselves

286
00:16:28.737 --> 00:16:30.905
in the Essaouira Museum
of Leather Manufacturing

287
00:16:31.532 --> 00:16:34.075
discussing if we had a superpower,
what would it be?

288
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:37.161
I actually really enjoyed that.
I thought that was really fun.

289
00:16:37.246 --> 00:16:38.746
I think if I was
gonna have any superpower,

290
00:16:38.956 --> 00:16:40.581
it would be the ability
to speak Spanish.

291
00:16:40.708 --> 00:16:42.959
That would be amazing, wouldn't it?
Because you could say stuff like,

292
00:16:43.043 --> 00:16:45.586
- Hola, gazpacho.
- You just said it.

293
00:16:45.671 --> 00:16:47.171
- You're saying it now.
- Oh, wow.

294
00:16:47.256 --> 00:16:48.673
Hmm.

295
00:16:48.757 --> 00:16:51.092
Not strictly speaking a superpower,
though, is it, really?

296
00:16:51.176 --> 00:16:52.927
Otherwise everyone in Brazil
would be superheroes.

297
00:16:53.470 --> 00:16:54.554
Mmm, true.

298
00:16:54.930 --> 00:16:56.389
They speak Portuguese in Brazil.

299
00:16:57.474 --> 00:16:58.474
You cock.

300
00:17:00.811 --> 00:17:02.729
- Mmm?
- Keep it for the car.

301
00:17:02.813 --> 00:17:05.064
Um, so... Wait, so, Josh,

302
00:17:05.149 --> 00:17:07.066
- what did you choose?
- Boring, really. Super-strength.

303
00:17:07.151 --> 00:17:08.818
That's what I would choose, too!

304
00:17:09.069 --> 00:17:12.030
I think it would be so handy
to be able to open, like, jam jars.

305
00:17:12.114 --> 00:17:14.240
Jam jars! That's exactly...
Isn't that exactly what I said?

306
00:17:14.324 --> 00:17:16.743
- That's exactly what you said.
- That's exactly what I said.

307
00:17:16.827 --> 00:17:17.869
- That's so funny.
- That is so funny.

308
00:17:17.953 --> 00:17:20.705
Are we eight years old, all of a sudden?
This is what children talk about.

309
00:17:20.789 --> 00:17:22.248
All right, Nat, calm down,
we were only having a joke.

310
00:17:22.332 --> 00:17:23.499
Yeah, joke's over.

311
00:17:23.584 --> 00:17:26.085
Ooh. "Grounds for divorce dot com."

312
00:17:26.837 --> 00:17:30.298
Shut up, you "bell-end dot-co-dot-uk".

313
00:17:31.633 --> 00:17:33.217
To be honest, I'm not sure
you could get a divorce

314
00:17:33.302 --> 00:17:34.927
because I'm not even sure
you're officially married.

315
00:17:35.012 --> 00:17:36.262
Because they never officially split up.

316
00:17:40.350 --> 00:17:41.601
- What?
- What?

317
00:17:41.685 --> 00:17:42.852
They never officially split up.

318
00:17:42.936 --> 00:17:44.187
What are you talking about?

319
00:17:44.938 --> 00:17:47.815
You never officially broke up, did you?

320
00:17:48.192 --> 00:17:52.737
Yeah, actually it's, um...
it's pretty funny, really,

321
00:17:52.821 --> 00:17:56.949
because, um, when I left for Africa,

322
00:17:57.034 --> 00:17:58.701
we sort of never formally ended it.

323
00:17:58.786 --> 00:17:59.827
Never formal.

324
00:18:01.872 --> 00:18:03.998
We just sort of... We left it open.

325
00:18:04.083 --> 00:18:05.208
Wide open.

326
00:18:05.292 --> 00:18:06.501
Then I ended up
being gone for four years.

327
00:18:06.585 --> 00:18:09.003
- About four years...
- But what's four years, really?

328
00:18:14.384 --> 00:18:15.551
I've told you this.

329
00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:19.639
- Nat. Nat.
- Hmm?

330
00:18:19.723 --> 00:18:20.890
I've told you this.

331
00:18:23.560 --> 00:18:25.478
He wasn't happy, though,
I'll tell you, that time.

332
00:18:25.562 --> 00:18:28.981
Honestly, we used to refer to 2008
as the sort of... as the "lost year".

333
00:18:29.066 --> 00:18:31.150
- Mate.
- He would just sit there in his pants.

334
00:18:31.235 --> 00:18:33.945
You know, drinking and playing
Grand Theft Auto, masturbating.

335
00:18:34.071 --> 00:18:35.238
No!

336
00:18:35.322 --> 00:18:37.365
Sometimes all three at once.

337
00:18:37.449 --> 00:18:38.699
That's an impressive thing.
I couldn't do that.

338
00:18:38.784 --> 00:18:40.451
I could practise for ages,
I wouldn't be able to do that.

339
00:18:40.536 --> 00:18:41.577
Imagine that on Britain's Got Talent.

340
00:18:44.998 --> 00:18:49.127
Nat, I'm really sorry about that,
back there.

341
00:18:49.211 --> 00:18:50.419
I just... I thought that you knew.

342
00:18:50.504 --> 00:18:53.506
Oh, no, don't be silly.
It was years ago.

343
00:18:53.590 --> 00:18:56.717
2008, I was still using
"LOL" un-ironically

344
00:18:56.802 --> 00:18:57.844
and wearing ballet flats.

345
00:19:00.430 --> 00:19:02.723
Look at those.
You look really cute in those.

346
00:19:02.808 --> 00:19:04.934
- Thanks, thanks.
- Pretty.

347
00:19:05.602 --> 00:19:06.936
Um...

348
00:19:07.020 --> 00:19:09.438
Yeah, well, you know,
it really was a long time ago

349
00:19:09.523 --> 00:19:10.940
and we were both so young.

350
00:19:11.024 --> 00:19:13.067
We were so different back then.

351
00:19:13.152 --> 00:19:15.903
And now he's married
to the coolest woman on the planet.

352
00:19:15.988 --> 00:19:17.280
You're sweet.

353
00:19:17.364 --> 00:19:19.949
I thought,
"I've got it made, I married a doctor."

354
00:19:20.284 --> 00:19:22.034
And then you realise,
you're gonna wake up every day

355
00:19:22.119 --> 00:19:23.619
to the same hairy ears.

356
00:19:24.788 --> 00:19:27.123
The same slightly deformed
fungal toenail.

357
00:19:27.207 --> 00:19:28.791
And you're gonna have to
listen to that weird,

358
00:19:28.876 --> 00:19:30.710
ear-throat-clearing sound they make

359
00:19:30.794 --> 00:19:32.170
every day until you are dead.

360
00:19:35.799 --> 00:19:37.633
And the same penis.

361
00:19:38.677 --> 00:19:42.096
I may, literally,
never see another penis again.

362
00:19:43.015 --> 00:19:44.140
Unless it's a small child's.

363
00:19:45.767 --> 00:19:48.186
Or if you get sexually assaulted.

364
00:19:55.777 --> 00:19:59.280
And Josh's is lovely. You know,
we have an incredible sex life.

365
00:19:59.615 --> 00:20:01.532
But that's not the point, you know.

366
00:20:01.658 --> 00:20:03.576
I love Michael Jackson's
Off the Wall album.

367
00:20:03.660 --> 00:20:06.621
I wouldn't necessarily want to only
listen to that for the rest of my life.

368
00:20:06.705 --> 00:20:08.831
Yeah. Oh, honey, I've been there.

369
00:20:09.374 --> 00:20:11.417
I mean, you'll listen to it a lot
in the beginning.

370
00:20:11.501 --> 00:20:12.877
You'll listen to it
in all different sorts of places.

371
00:20:12.961 --> 00:20:14.837
You'll listen to it in the car,

372
00:20:14.922 --> 00:20:16.672
in the disabled toilet cubicle
in the McDonald's in Egham,

373
00:20:18.175 --> 00:20:20.092
in your unconscious granny's
hospital room.

374
00:20:20.928 --> 00:20:23.262
- Granny Mary?
- It's what she would have wanted.

375
00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:25.765
But then, you know,

376
00:20:25.849 --> 00:20:26.933
you're just gonna get to the point

377
00:20:27.017 --> 00:20:28.935
where you're not that bothered
about listening to music at all.

378
00:20:29.478 --> 00:20:31.562
You just play it on birthdays,

379
00:20:31.647 --> 00:20:34.023
or when you're very, very drunk.

380
00:20:34.483 --> 00:20:35.566
Or...

381
00:20:36.735 --> 00:20:38.402
if someone shows you
a Justin Bieber video

382
00:20:38.487 --> 00:20:39.654
when you're in the office

383
00:20:39.738 --> 00:20:43.532
and, you know, all you can
then think about is that.

384
00:20:45.619 --> 00:20:47.578
Isn't he, like, 15?

385
00:20:48.038 --> 00:20:49.622
Oh, he'd know what to do.

386
00:20:51.541 --> 00:20:53.709
I'd ruin Bieber.

387
00:20:54.169 --> 00:20:57.213
You would. You would ruin him.

388
00:20:59.633 --> 00:21:02.134
Fuck.
It's the soundtrack to my marriage.

389
00:21:02.219 --> 00:21:04.136
Don't get married, you.
Too late for you.

390
00:21:08.392 --> 00:21:09.934
Penny for them.

391
00:21:10.811 --> 00:21:13.145
Your thoughts. How you doing?

392
00:21:13.230 --> 00:21:14.647
Hey, Danny.

393
00:21:20.404 --> 00:21:22.113
Let's get the party started.

394
00:21:22.197 --> 00:21:24.240
Get comfy. Get comfy.

395
00:21:38.588 --> 00:21:41.048
You know, I shouldn't really tell you
this, but I was talking to Josh...

396
00:21:41.133 --> 00:21:42.800
...and, um,

397
00:21:43.260 --> 00:21:46.679
he said that the sex
between him and Nat

398
00:21:46.763 --> 00:21:48.055
is amazing.

399
00:21:48.140 --> 00:21:50.683
He said that it blows everything
he's had in the past out the water.

400
00:21:50.767 --> 00:21:51.976
Out of the water!

401
00:21:52.060 --> 00:21:55.730
- Wow. That is tremendous news.
- Tremendous news for him,

402
00:21:55.814 --> 00:21:57.106
- he's really pleased, yeah.
- It's... Yeah.

403
00:21:58.567 --> 00:22:00.776
I suppose that's not really your thing,
is it? Sex and sexiness.

404
00:22:00.944 --> 00:22:03.154
You're more...
How would you describe yourself?

405
00:22:03.905 --> 00:22:06.449
Kind of "kind," do you know what I mean?
Charitable.

406
00:22:08.118 --> 00:22:10.411
It's a shame, in a way,
that they couldn't put...

407
00:22:10.495 --> 00:22:14.040
your brain in her body. D'you know
what I mean? That would be amazing.

408
00:22:14.124 --> 00:22:16.083
Although what would you be left with?
You'd be left with, like...

409
00:22:16.168 --> 00:22:17.418
Ooh, you'd be left
with her brain in your body.

410
00:22:17.502 --> 00:22:20.546
Imagine that.
Just rampaging around, out of control.

411
00:22:20.630 --> 00:22:22.965
"What's that?

412
00:22:23.050 --> 00:22:24.175
"Oh, my God, it's like Frankenstein,

413
00:22:24.259 --> 00:22:26.635
"but with, like, boobs."

414
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:29.972
Villagers coming out
with pitchforks and torches. "Kill it!"

415
00:22:30.807 --> 00:22:33.517
- It'd be just terrifying.
- It would be terrifying.

416
00:22:33.602 --> 00:22:35.478
It would be horrible.

417
00:22:35.604 --> 00:22:38.314
No. Joking, joking. I'd do you.

418
00:22:39.483 --> 00:22:42.026
- If you wanted. You know.
- Thank you.

419
00:22:42.110 --> 00:22:46.155
If I had to make a top-10
of women I know that I would do,

420
00:22:46.698 --> 00:22:48.282
you'd be in that list.

421
00:22:48.367 --> 00:22:50.368
Number seven. All right?

422
00:22:50.452 --> 00:22:52.286
- Thank you. Thanks, Danny.
- Seriously.

423
00:22:53.330 --> 00:22:56.415
Do you want to get a drink sometime?
Maybe pop out and get a drink sometime?

424
00:22:56.541 --> 00:22:58.459
Um, I... No.

425
00:22:58.543 --> 00:23:00.836
- Yeah?
- No.

426
00:23:00.921 --> 00:23:02.380
You say no, I say yes.

427
00:23:04.841 --> 00:23:07.051
So, remember to play up
our ethical credentials.

428
00:23:07.135 --> 00:23:08.803
Don't mention the BP campaign.

429
00:23:08.887 --> 00:23:12.014
And let's emphasise the online campaign
we did for Greenpeace.

430
00:23:12.099 --> 00:23:13.265
Our job is to convince people

431
00:23:13.350 --> 00:23:15.434
his solvents won't render the planet
a barren, lifeless husk

432
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:17.978
- unfit for future generations.
- Piece of piss.

433
00:23:18.063 --> 00:23:19.271
How are we gonna do that, then?

434
00:23:19.356 --> 00:23:21.190
Well, if he's a cheapskate like his dad,

435
00:23:21.316 --> 00:23:23.359
we suggest making the typeface
green and yellow

436
00:23:23.443 --> 00:23:26.779
and sticking some sort of
sunflower or butterfly on the logo.

437
00:23:26.863 --> 00:23:27.905
It's textbook.

438
00:23:28.323 --> 00:23:29.824
Depressingly, you could be right.

439
00:23:30.784 --> 00:23:33.160
I expect he'll be
some sort of tasteless Yank,

440
00:23:33.245 --> 00:23:35.162
obsessed with how we're all so quaint,

441
00:23:35.247 --> 00:23:36.747
spell "colour" with a "u",

442
00:23:36.832 --> 00:23:40.543
worship Benny Hill
and then say "awesome" a lot.

443
00:23:40.669 --> 00:23:43.087
Yeah. And he'll probably do
that Austin Powers accent.

444
00:23:43.171 --> 00:23:44.588
You know the one. "Yeah, baby!"

445
00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:46.799
I didn't watch that film

446
00:23:46.883 --> 00:23:48.426
because it's absolutely
not my cup of tea.

447
00:23:48.510 --> 00:23:51.262
And then plump for whatever
turns out to be the cheapest option.

448
00:23:51.346 --> 00:23:52.388
That's my prediction.

449
00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:57.560
- You're not eating today?
- There's a lot of mercury in that.

450
00:23:57.894 --> 00:23:59.145
Then why don't you get
a fucking sandwich?

451
00:23:59.229 --> 00:24:00.813
I am gonna get
a fucking sandwich, Clare,

452
00:24:00.897 --> 00:24:01.981
but I'm not gonna have one
with bread in it

453
00:24:02.065 --> 00:24:03.649
because I'm a coeliac. You know that.

454
00:24:04.443 --> 00:24:06.068
So I was thinking about your book.

455
00:24:06.153 --> 00:24:07.611
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

456
00:24:07.696 --> 00:24:11.240
I reckon that I prefer
"Ezra" to "David" as a name.

457
00:24:11.825 --> 00:24:14.994
There was a David at school who,
if you paid him 50 cents,

458
00:24:15.078 --> 00:24:16.829
was prepared to lick anything.

459
00:24:16.913 --> 00:24:18.914
- Literally anything.
- Let's talk about it over dinner

460
00:24:18.999 --> 00:24:21.834
because Nat's out tonight,
another work thing.

461
00:24:21.877 --> 00:24:23.335
I'm starving.

462
00:24:24.212 --> 00:24:26.005
I mean, obviously, it's all relative.

463
00:24:26.089 --> 00:24:27.423
I feel their plight.

464
00:24:27.507 --> 00:24:29.300
I only had a Kinder Bueno for lunch.

465
00:24:29.384 --> 00:24:31.677
Mmm, I can't tonight.
I'm going out with Charlie.

466
00:24:31.970 --> 00:24:34.889
What, again?
That's the third time in two weeks.

467
00:24:35.098 --> 00:24:36.849
You're counting?

468
00:24:36.892 --> 00:24:38.142
Sorry to interrupt.

469
00:24:38.226 --> 00:24:39.768
Those articles you wanted
from this morning.

470
00:24:39.853 --> 00:24:41.562
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

471
00:24:43.064 --> 00:24:44.815
So, what, am I just supposed
to stay home

472
00:24:44.900 --> 00:24:46.317
in the hopes you've got a free night?

473
00:24:46.401 --> 00:24:47.651
No.

474
00:24:47.861 --> 00:24:49.487
I just don't want to see you
getting hurt, that's all.

475
00:24:52.949 --> 00:24:54.366
Is that him?

476
00:24:54.618 --> 00:24:55.743
Yeah.

477
00:24:55.827 --> 00:24:58.829
Well, I see someone managed
to find a Burger King out in Sudan.

478
00:25:07.506 --> 00:25:09.298
I've just seen Guy Harrap in reception!

479
00:25:09.382 --> 00:25:11.884
And I would jump on him
like a bouncy castle.

480
00:25:11.968 --> 00:25:13.427
Remember to take off your shoes,
and no somersaults.

481
00:25:13.512 --> 00:25:15.012
- I need your ring.
- What?

482
00:25:15.096 --> 00:25:16.680
- We really need this account.
- Are you on drugs?

483
00:25:16.806 --> 00:25:19.058
Come on, it's not like you're gonna
jump into bed with the man.

484
00:25:19.142 --> 00:25:20.392
Clare!

485
00:25:20.477 --> 00:25:21.560
What's up?

486
00:25:22.646 --> 00:25:24.271
- Guy Harrap.
- Hello.

487
00:25:24.356 --> 00:25:25.439
Who we got here?

488
00:25:25.815 --> 00:25:27.858
Natasha Redfearn, Accounts Director.

489
00:25:27.943 --> 00:25:28.943
- Sweet.
- Hi.

490
00:25:29.027 --> 00:25:30.694
Is there anything we can offer you?

491
00:25:30.779 --> 00:25:33.781
Hot diggity dog,
I love the way you say that.

492
00:25:33.865 --> 00:25:35.533
Huh? The way she says that? "Offer"?

493
00:25:35.617 --> 00:25:37.117
Off... Can you say that again?

494
00:25:37.202 --> 00:25:38.744
- Oh...
- "Offer" me.

495
00:25:39.162 --> 00:25:40.371
Um, offer.

496
00:25:40.455 --> 00:25:41.997
There it is. There it is.

497
00:25:42.082 --> 00:25:43.165
- Here, give me some of that.
- Oh.

498
00:25:43.250 --> 00:25:45.209
- All right. Pound it.
- Yes. Oh.

499
00:25:45.669 --> 00:25:48.170
I got an idea. Let's sit down,
let's talk some business. Huh?

500
00:25:48.838 --> 00:25:51.549
Mr Harrap, we're delighted
that you've come to us

501
00:25:51.633 --> 00:25:53.217
to take Harraps Solvents forward

502
00:25:53.343 --> 00:25:56.345
and rebrand in the fresh challenges
presented by the new media climate.

503
00:25:56.721 --> 00:25:59.223
Awesome. Totally awesome. Bingo, huh?

504
00:26:00.725 --> 00:26:02.810
We're very pleased
with some of the concepts

505
00:26:02.894 --> 00:26:04.645
we've come up with
for the new incarnation of Harraps.

506
00:26:04.729 --> 00:26:08.440
Yeah, as long as you don't fob me off
with some yellow-and-green font.

507
00:26:09.067 --> 00:26:11.277
I mean, how many times
have we seen that, right?

508
00:26:11.361 --> 00:26:12.820
Yes, exactly. No.

509
00:26:13.113 --> 00:26:14.321
Too many! Far...

510
00:26:14.406 --> 00:26:17.324
What we were pla...
What we were thinking is to take...

511
00:26:19.327 --> 00:26:21.870
- a holistic approach...
- Mmm-hmm.

512
00:26:22.747 --> 00:26:26.834
...focusing on the core brand values
of integrity...

513
00:26:26.918 --> 00:26:27.960
Integrity.

514
00:26:28.461 --> 00:26:29.712
Got it. Thank you.

515
00:26:29.838 --> 00:26:31.589
...responsibility...

516
00:26:37.345 --> 00:26:39.179
- that epitomise...
- Mmm.

517
00:26:39.347 --> 00:26:41.515
...what Harraps stands for.

518
00:26:41.600 --> 00:26:43.601
Harraps. That's very good.

519
00:26:46.896 --> 00:26:51.233
Well, to be honest, at Oxford,
my economics professor

520
00:26:51.318 --> 00:26:54.069
favoured a fully integrated
four-quadrant strategy

521
00:26:54.195 --> 00:26:56.530
cohesive across all media,

522
00:26:56.615 --> 00:26:58.782
presenting an instantly accessible,

523
00:26:58.867 --> 00:27:01.619
aesthetic, philosophical
and commercial identity

524
00:27:01.703 --> 00:27:05.080
consistent with an ethical
contemporary market leader

525
00:27:05.165 --> 00:27:09.084
whilst embracing
its legacy of integrity.

526
00:27:09.252 --> 00:27:10.294
Yeah, baby!

527
00:27:10.378 --> 00:27:12.046
That's Austin Powers.

528
00:27:13.173 --> 00:27:15.049
I love that film.

529
00:27:15.216 --> 00:27:17.885
- I'm so sorry, I just...
- I know.

530
00:27:17.969 --> 00:27:22.848
You thought I was a tasteless Yank
obsessed with how quaint you all are.

531
00:27:22.932 --> 00:27:25.017
That's so quaint.

532
00:27:25.101 --> 00:27:27.227
It's incredibly embarrassing.

533
00:27:27.312 --> 00:27:29.438
But we have plenty of
other proposals to show you.

534
00:27:29.522 --> 00:27:32.900
No, I don't need to see them.
These things aren't done in boardrooms.

535
00:27:33.568 --> 00:27:36.153
We should get to know each other,
Miss Redfearn.

536
00:27:36.237 --> 00:27:38.572
A holistic approach, as you say.

537
00:27:41.034 --> 00:27:42.951
Well, agreed, but, uh,

538
00:27:43.036 --> 00:27:46.205
but from the outset, you should
know that I've just got, um...

539
00:27:53.171 --> 00:27:56.590
another account that I have to focus on
for the next few days.

540
00:27:57.050 --> 00:27:58.717
- It's been a pleasure.
- Thanks.

541
00:27:59.052 --> 00:28:01.053
- I'm so sorry again for the...
- No, please.

542
00:28:01.137 --> 00:28:04.473
Bye.

543
00:28:14.859 --> 00:28:19.530
When we first met, I just thought
Josh was exactly what I needed.

544
00:28:19.614 --> 00:28:21.115
You know, I felt...

545
00:28:21.199 --> 00:28:23.992
so safe, and then...

546
00:28:26.871 --> 00:28:28.122
I think what she's trying to say is,

547
00:28:28.206 --> 00:28:30.165
is that the everyday
reality of marriage

548
00:28:30.250 --> 00:28:32.167
started to overtake the fairytale,

549
00:28:32.252 --> 00:28:34.545
- the fantasy, right?
- Ooh, hark at you.

550
00:28:34.838 --> 00:28:37.297
Somebody swallowed a copy
of Eat, Pray, Love.

551
00:28:37.590 --> 00:28:40.551
No, I think as... we...

552
00:28:42.178 --> 00:28:43.804
I'm gonna have to take this.

553
00:28:45.014 --> 00:28:46.056
Yep, fine, I'm in a session.

554
00:28:47.892 --> 00:28:49.810
Can't you pick them up?

555
00:28:50.645 --> 00:28:52.020
Give me two minutes.

556
00:28:52.105 --> 00:28:54.481
Talk about your feelings
or your father or something.

557
00:29:05.326 --> 00:29:07.995
Coming up
on Cash in the Attic,

558
00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:10.956
a delightful silver brooch
made by a celebrated war hero.

559
00:29:11.750 --> 00:29:13.333
The bin's full.

560
00:29:14.043 --> 00:29:15.627
- Can you take it out?
- Yeah.

561
00:29:16.129 --> 00:29:18.797
The One Tree Hill omnibus
is about to start.

562
00:29:18.882 --> 00:29:21.884
Lauren's about to tell Jake
that baby Connor's not his.

563
00:29:28.183 --> 00:29:32.519
Oh, Christ.
Your husband is so adorable.

564
00:29:36.775 --> 00:29:38.901
Yes. He really is.

565
00:29:38.985 --> 00:29:40.861
So ostentatious.

566
00:29:43.782 --> 00:29:45.324
Have you seen my phone?

567
00:29:45.408 --> 00:29:47.701
No. When did you last have it?

568
00:29:47.827 --> 00:29:49.912
Well, if I knew that,
it wouldn't be lost, would it?

569
00:29:49.996 --> 00:29:51.914
That's the point
of something being lost.

570
00:29:54.876 --> 00:29:56.376
You're always here.

571
00:29:57.212 --> 00:29:59.129
Why are you always here?

572
00:30:03.426 --> 00:30:05.719
Come and have a look at this video
of a monkey fucking a bullfrog.

573
00:30:07.722 --> 00:30:09.264
He's killed it!

574
00:30:10.183 --> 00:30:11.558
He's killed it by fucking it!

575
00:30:31.830 --> 00:30:34.248
Seriously, Nat.
Seriously, hang on a sec.

576
00:30:34.332 --> 00:30:36.708
Why do you never get
the words to a song right?

577
00:30:38.419 --> 00:30:39.670
Does it really matter?

578
00:30:39.754 --> 00:30:42.506
What, "I've travelled the world
in generic jeans"?

579
00:30:42.590 --> 00:30:44.258
Really? Come on.

580
00:30:44.884 --> 00:30:48.095
I was just singing.
Didn't realise it was so important.

581
00:30:48.221 --> 00:30:50.055
Do you really think that
Annie Lennox is singing about

582
00:30:50.139 --> 00:30:52.683
whether she happened to travel
the world in Levis or Wranglers?

583
00:30:54.853 --> 00:30:56.520
Okay. Wow.

584
00:30:59.148 --> 00:31:01.024
And while we're at it,
Elton John isn't singing,

585
00:31:01.109 --> 00:31:03.360
"Hold me close and tie me down, sir."

586
00:31:03.444 --> 00:31:06.655
Kurt Cobain isn't singing,
"Here we are now in containers."

587
00:31:06.739 --> 00:31:09.950
If you can't sing it right,
don't sing at all. It's idiotic.

588
00:31:10.785 --> 00:31:12.995
Says the man dressed as a pea.

589
00:31:21.004 --> 00:31:24.840
I can't believe we're having
the same fucking row!

590
00:31:25.884 --> 00:31:28.969
Oh! Not listening!
Not listening! Not listening!

591
00:31:29.637 --> 00:31:31.013
No! Fuck you!

592
00:31:31.097 --> 00:31:35.058
Oh, my God,
you're such an arsehole!

593
00:31:35.143 --> 00:31:37.394
Yes, you are!
You are such a cock-sucking,

594
00:31:37.478 --> 00:31:39.980
shit-stabbing, fucking arsehole!

595
00:31:40.064 --> 00:31:44.026
I could just fucking stab you
right in the eyes!

596
00:31:44.986 --> 00:31:46.862
What the fuck are you looking at?

597
00:31:46.946 --> 00:31:48.572
You could do with a fuck!

598
00:31:49.115 --> 00:31:50.949
No, not you! Nobody wants to fuck you!

599
00:31:51.034 --> 00:31:53.368
You fucking frigid arsehole!

600
00:31:53.828 --> 00:31:55.495
Yeah, fuck you!

601
00:32:00.043 --> 00:32:01.376
So, here we are.

602
00:32:01.961 --> 00:32:04.171
The hub of the Harraps empire.

603
00:32:05.506 --> 00:32:06.840
What do you think?

604
00:32:07.300 --> 00:32:09.551
Hopefully, you can see why I wanted you
to check this place out.

605
00:32:09.677 --> 00:32:14.473
It's state-of-the-art and responsible
for a turnover last year of 37 million.

606
00:32:14.515 --> 00:32:20.312
If you squirted air from a large space
into a slightly smaller space last year,

607
00:32:20.355 --> 00:32:23.357
chances are
you did it through one of these.

608
00:32:24.192 --> 00:32:26.193
Every time I squirt out
a little bit of air,

609
00:32:26.235 --> 00:32:27.903
I'll think of you.

610
00:32:30.365 --> 00:32:33.033
That sounded weird,
but you know what I mean.

611
00:32:33.701 --> 00:32:35.369
Yeah, sure.

612
00:32:38.831 --> 00:32:40.666
There's someone I want you to meet.

613
00:32:40.708 --> 00:32:44.211
Janet's been working here for,
what, 42 years?

614
00:32:44.337 --> 00:32:46.505
Forty-three in June. Hello.

615
00:32:46.547 --> 00:32:50.717
Yep, my grandfather exploited her,
my father exploited her,

616
00:32:50.760 --> 00:32:51.885
now I get to exploit her.

617
00:32:52.387 --> 00:32:55.514
He's a good lad, this one.
He takes care of us.

618
00:32:55.556 --> 00:32:58.725
You won't find anybody here
with a bad word to say about him.

619
00:32:58.851 --> 00:32:59.893
Except Sarah.

620
00:33:00.520 --> 00:33:02.729
But she's a proper shithouse.

621
00:33:02.939 --> 00:33:04.022
Really?

622
00:33:04.273 --> 00:33:06.900
He just needs to settle down,
start a family.

623
00:33:07.193 --> 00:33:08.902
So, what do you think?

624
00:33:09.070 --> 00:33:10.737
- Wife material?
- Definitely.

625
00:33:10.905 --> 00:33:12.197
Better than the last one.

626
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:13.740
You should see some of the...

627
00:33:13.866 --> 00:33:15.534
Yeah, I could dock your wages
for insubordination.

628
00:33:15.576 --> 00:33:16.868
Get back to work.

629
00:33:16.911 --> 00:33:20.914
Clostridium acetobutylicum
doesn't acidogenically ferment itself.

630
00:33:24.752 --> 00:33:27.379
It looks like you've got
the Janet seal of approval.

631
00:33:27.422 --> 00:33:29.631
I'm not sure I'm the marrying type.

632
00:33:29.799 --> 00:33:33.093
You realise you'd be the heir
to a solvents fortune.

633
00:33:33.428 --> 00:33:34.886
And that's not to be sniffed at.

634
00:33:34.929 --> 00:33:37.097
Literally, it could
result in convulsions,

635
00:33:37.140 --> 00:33:38.557
coma, severe brain damage,

636
00:33:38.599 --> 00:33:40.308
and in some cases, mental retardation.

637
00:33:42.145 --> 00:33:45.605
They do all seem remarkably happy here.
Is it the fumes?

638
00:33:46.649 --> 00:33:48.984
These people, they're like family to me.

639
00:33:49.110 --> 00:33:50.944
I've grown up on this factory floor.

640
00:33:50.987 --> 00:33:53.572
I spent every summer here
since I was two.

641
00:33:54.157 --> 00:33:57.784
If you're good to people,
people will be good to you.

642
00:33:58.619 --> 00:34:02.122
It's what my dad taught me.
It's what I want to teach my kids.

643
00:34:03.916 --> 00:34:05.751
And I want to end all wars
and cure cancer.

644
00:34:43.998 --> 00:34:46.333
- All right?
- Yeah. What?

645
00:34:46.834 --> 00:34:49.503
You really... You don't have to come
tonight if you don't want to.

646
00:34:49.629 --> 00:34:51.338
No, I want to be there.
Your husband should support you.

647
00:34:52.173 --> 00:34:53.173
You look incredible.

648
00:34:53.216 --> 00:34:54.716
I warn you, you'll be bored to tears

649
00:34:54.842 --> 00:34:56.843
'cause I'm gonna
have to network all night.

650
00:34:56.886 --> 00:34:58.804
That's the cab. Seriously.

651
00:35:00.014 --> 00:35:02.390
- Last chance to bail.
- No, I want to go. I love a party.

652
00:35:02.517 --> 00:35:04.559
Uh, will I need a coat? Is it cold out?

653
00:35:04.685 --> 00:35:06.186
Why do you always ask me that?

654
00:35:06.521 --> 00:35:09.022
How should I know if you need a coat?

655
00:35:09.148 --> 00:35:11.733
I've been outside today,
you've been outside today.

656
00:35:11.859 --> 00:35:15.821
I have precisely the same amount
of meteorological information as you do.

657
00:35:21.494 --> 00:35:22.702
Josh!

658
00:35:31.003 --> 00:35:33.880
I wouldn't want to be stuck behind him
going through airport security.

659
00:35:42.765 --> 00:35:45.725
Because it's all metal.

660
00:35:46.227 --> 00:35:48.061
He's so funny, your husband.
You've got a good one there.

661
00:35:48.104 --> 00:35:49.396
Thanks, that's sweet.

662
00:35:51.607 --> 00:35:54.109
Why don't you, um, go and mingle?

663
00:35:54.235 --> 00:35:55.527
There's a band upstairs.

664
00:35:56.028 --> 00:35:58.572
No, I think I'm gonna stay here.
But you go, mingle, enjoy yourself.

665
00:36:00.408 --> 00:36:03.076
Are you staying here because you think
you have a good joke about that photo?

666
00:36:04.036 --> 00:36:05.078
What?

667
00:36:06.247 --> 00:36:07.247
You are!

668
00:36:07.748 --> 00:36:10.250
You're staying here so you can
say that joke about the photo.

669
00:36:10.293 --> 00:36:12.586
It's a good joke.
I actually have a couple.

670
00:36:12.712 --> 00:36:14.629
Wouldn't want to be behind him
going through airport security.

671
00:36:16.924 --> 00:36:18.633
At least, if you went out with him,

672
00:36:18.759 --> 00:36:20.302
you'd always have a little place
to hang your coat.

673
00:36:22.430 --> 00:36:23.805
I'm Josh Moss. Nice to meet you.

674
00:36:23.931 --> 00:36:25.557
- Hi.
- Ooh! She's gone.

675
00:36:27.310 --> 00:36:29.436
You could put your keys on there,
couldn't you?

676
00:36:31.606 --> 00:36:35.442
I think that's just what happens
when you sleep next to an open sewer.

677
00:36:35.776 --> 00:36:38.737
Had amoebic dysentery. Twice.

678
00:36:38.988 --> 00:36:40.113
In Rwanda at one point,

679
00:36:40.156 --> 00:36:43.116
I was actually defecating
pieces of my colon.

680
00:36:53.502 --> 00:36:54.628
Miss Redfearn.

681
00:36:56.255 --> 00:36:57.422
Guy!

682
00:36:59.091 --> 00:37:01.509
Lovely to see you. I er...
I didn't realise you were here.

683
00:37:01.636 --> 00:37:03.762
You know, it's actually good
that I ran into you

684
00:37:03.804 --> 00:37:05.805
because I was thinking about
some of those community outreach...

685
00:37:05.932 --> 00:37:07.807
Could we take one night off
from talking shop?

686
00:37:08.643 --> 00:37:11.686
Am I allowed to say
you're looking incredible?

687
00:37:11.812 --> 00:37:13.438
Technically, no.

688
00:37:13.481 --> 00:37:15.148
That would constitute sexual harassment.

689
00:37:15.274 --> 00:37:18.443
You're right. The rules and regulations
on that are very strict these days.

690
00:37:18.486 --> 00:37:23.198
I actually have a copy of the Sexual
Discrimination Act 2007 in my hotel room

691
00:37:23.324 --> 00:37:24.783
if you'd like to come back
and peruse it.

692
00:37:26.285 --> 00:37:28.662
Although Christmas parties
don't really count.

693
00:37:30.498 --> 00:37:32.332
They're an opportunity
to tell the person

694
00:37:32.375 --> 00:37:33.875
you've had a secret crush on all year

695
00:37:34.001 --> 00:37:36.836
how you really feel about them.

696
00:37:39.548 --> 00:37:41.508
Aren't they?

697
00:37:42.009 --> 00:37:43.510
Are they?

698
00:37:43.552 --> 00:37:45.220
Of course.

699
00:37:45.346 --> 00:37:48.556
I think protocol and decorum
go right out the window.

700
00:37:49.350 --> 00:37:50.558
I mean, look at that guy.

701
00:37:52.144 --> 00:37:53.186
That is embarrassing.

702
00:37:53.854 --> 00:37:55.021
Who is he?

703
00:37:55.147 --> 00:37:56.731
Leave him alone, he's just had a few.

704
00:37:56.857 --> 00:37:58.650
Hang on.
He's attempting the Beyoncé booty shake.

705
00:37:58.693 --> 00:38:02.153
Either that or he's being
sodomised by the Invisible Man.

706
00:38:02.196 --> 00:38:04.572
Oh, he's just had a few
too many cocktails.

707
00:38:04.699 --> 00:38:06.074
He's wasted.

708
00:38:06.826 --> 00:38:09.202
- Having a good time.
- Yeah, sure is.

709
00:38:12.415 --> 00:38:14.207
Oi, oi!

710
00:38:15.376 --> 00:38:18.336
Hold on.
Look out, here comes twinkle toes.

711
00:38:18.379 --> 00:38:19.921
He's making a beeline.

712
00:38:20.047 --> 00:38:21.840
I got your back,
I'll just say I'm your boyfriend.

713
00:38:21.882 --> 00:38:23.008
- No, you don't have to do that.
- It's fine.

714
00:38:25.261 --> 00:38:27.554
This party's amazing. So much fun.

715
00:38:28.222 --> 00:38:30.724
Guy Harrap. Pleased to meet you.

716
00:38:31.517 --> 00:38:35.395
Oh! The solvents guy!

717
00:38:35.896 --> 00:38:38.565
How are you? Nice to meet you.
He's so handsome, isn't he?

718
00:38:41.444 --> 00:38:43.111
Whoo!

719
00:38:43.237 --> 00:38:45.071
Bollocks.

720
00:38:47.116 --> 00:38:48.408
Sorry.

721
00:38:48.743 --> 00:38:49.909
Come on!

722
00:38:50.453 --> 00:38:51.453
Is that...

723
00:38:51.579 --> 00:38:53.455
Yeah, I suppose that's what
office parties are for, huh?

724
00:38:53.581 --> 00:38:54.789
That's hilarious!

725
00:38:54.915 --> 00:38:57.584
Free booze and a chance
to make out with the boss.

726
00:38:57.918 --> 00:38:59.252
Well, I'm technically self-employed,

727
00:38:59.378 --> 00:39:02.589
so I'll just have to settle for
a can of Budweiser and a wank.

728
00:39:03.090 --> 00:39:04.132
Charming.

729
00:39:05.051 --> 00:39:07.302
Can I ask the sexiest woman in the room
for a dance?

730
00:39:07.428 --> 00:39:08.470
Listen, I...

731
00:39:08.596 --> 00:39:11.222
We're actually talking business.
So, maybe later.

732
00:39:15.227 --> 00:39:17.437
Shouldn't you be busting a move?

733
00:39:31.577 --> 00:39:33.453
You almost have to admire him
for giving it a go.

734
00:39:33.496 --> 00:39:35.080
You owe me one.

735
00:39:36.332 --> 00:39:38.291
How about we make our excuses?

736
00:39:38.334 --> 00:39:40.001
I have a table on hold at Nobu.

737
00:39:40.127 --> 00:39:42.128
No, I can't, I've a...

738
00:39:42.797 --> 00:39:45.090
I should go.
I think I need some fresh air.

739
00:39:45.466 --> 00:39:46.800
Sure.

740
00:39:48.302 --> 00:39:50.345
Hang on, I'm swapping hands.

741
00:39:51.806 --> 00:39:56.684
So, you had an extra naan
and two glasses of wine,

742
00:39:56.811 --> 00:39:59.020
so you owe an extra four pounds.

743
00:39:59.146 --> 00:40:00.480
Drew...

744
00:40:00.606 --> 00:40:03.316
...you had the mango lassi,
so that's an extra three pounds.

745
00:40:03.984 --> 00:40:07.654
I swear, the mass graves in Mogadishu
weren't as awful as this.

746
00:40:07.822 --> 00:40:09.322
Do you want to bail?

747
00:40:09.698 --> 00:40:11.324
Did you have the chicken jalfrezi?

748
00:40:11.659 --> 00:40:13.159
I want to stay. It's fun.

749
00:40:13.285 --> 00:40:15.453
No, I've said hello
to everybody I need to.

750
00:40:15.496 --> 00:40:17.455
It's just gonna get messy
and it's no fun being a spectator.

751
00:40:17.498 --> 00:40:20.375
I wouldn't like to be stood
behind him at airport security.

752
00:40:20.501 --> 00:40:23.169
That was my joke! He stole it!

753
00:40:23.295 --> 00:40:25.004
He's taking credit for my humour.
Should I say something?

754
00:40:25.131 --> 00:40:26.506
Jesus, Josh!

755
00:40:27.341 --> 00:40:29.134
When did you turn into such a prat?

756
00:40:29.802 --> 00:40:33.513
Stay. Dance like a fucking idiot,
tell your stupid jokes. I'm going home.

757
00:40:35.182 --> 00:40:37.684
That hoop in his ear,
he could hang his house keys on it.

758
00:40:48.195 --> 00:40:49.904
God, you are so sexy.

759
00:40:51.198 --> 00:40:52.699
You're so sexy.

760
00:40:52.825 --> 00:40:54.033
Thanks.

761
00:40:59.582 --> 00:41:02.709
Hey, that's it, honey, slide in,
room for one more. Huh?

762
00:41:02.877 --> 00:41:05.003
Hey, Alexandra.

763
00:41:08.048 --> 00:41:09.215
You look really nice.

764
00:41:10.718 --> 00:41:12.760
Different from work.

765
00:41:13.012 --> 00:41:16.097
Do you two want to have
a little hello kiss?

766
00:41:16.223 --> 00:41:18.099
- Um, hello.
- That's it.

767
00:41:19.018 --> 00:41:20.101
Hi.

768
00:41:20.561 --> 00:41:21.603
Mmm, that's it.

769
00:41:21.896 --> 00:41:25.106
Did you guys like that dinner tonight?

770
00:41:26.275 --> 00:41:29.110
Did you go for the rice or the naan?

771
00:41:30.070 --> 00:41:31.237
I went for the naan.

772
00:41:31.363 --> 00:41:32.739
Yeah? Mmm!

773
00:41:32.865 --> 00:41:34.741
You are so naughty.

774
00:41:35.075 --> 00:41:37.035
Why are you so naughty?

775
00:41:37.077 --> 00:41:40.371
I don't know, Charlie, why is that?

776
00:41:40.414 --> 00:41:42.749
Did your mom smoke
during her pregnancy?

777
00:41:44.418 --> 00:41:46.252
Oh, okay.

778
00:41:46.879 --> 00:41:48.129
All right.

779
00:41:48.255 --> 00:41:50.381
That's it. Yeah, I like that.

780
00:41:51.050 --> 00:41:52.383
Threesome.
We're going to have a threesome.

781
00:41:52.426 --> 00:41:53.635
We're having a threesome.

782
00:41:54.470 --> 00:41:55.762
Let's go.

783
00:41:56.388 --> 00:41:58.932
- Chloe's climbing aboard.
- That's it.

784
00:41:59.642 --> 00:42:02.435
Here we go. Oh, yeah.

785
00:42:02.603 --> 00:42:04.896
Oh! Oh, yeah.

786
00:42:04.939 --> 00:42:06.648
Chloe's on top now.

787
00:42:06.774 --> 00:42:08.149
The cherry on top.

788
00:42:08.275 --> 00:42:09.609
Oh, yeah.

789
00:42:09.735 --> 00:42:12.153
Oh, yeah. Now she's on the bottom.

790
00:42:12.613 --> 00:42:14.989
Chloe loves being on bottom.

791
00:42:15.115 --> 00:42:16.115
Oh, yes.

792
00:42:16.575 --> 00:42:19.786
Yes, squeeze my breast.
That feels amazing.

793
00:42:19.912 --> 00:42:21.287
Não para, Charlie.

794
00:42:21.789 --> 00:42:23.122
Yeah, Charlie,

795
00:42:23.249 --> 00:42:25.458
I can speak another language as well.

796
00:42:25.584 --> 00:42:27.252
Me Ilamo Chloe, Charlie.

797
00:42:28.504 --> 00:42:30.964
Yo tengo un hermano!

798
00:42:32.258 --> 00:42:33.633
- That's it.
- Okay.

799
00:42:33.676 --> 00:42:35.093
Okay. Yeah, that's it.

800
00:42:35.135 --> 00:42:36.678
Chloe's in the middle now.

801
00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:38.972
Okay.

802
00:42:39.098 --> 00:42:42.141
Oh, yes. It feels amazing, doesn't it?

803
00:42:42.184 --> 00:42:43.935
Feels so good.

804
00:42:47.690 --> 00:42:50.483
God, you're strong, Alexandra.

805
00:42:51.610 --> 00:42:52.610
Yes.

806
00:42:54.947 --> 00:42:55.947
Down here again.

807
00:42:56.991 --> 00:43:00.034
Oh, yeah, put your fingers in my mouth.
I love that.

808
00:43:01.328 --> 00:43:04.664
Especially after Indian. It's amazing.

809
00:43:05.124 --> 00:43:06.332
Excuse me.

810
00:43:06.667 --> 00:43:08.334
Excuse me. No!

811
00:43:09.044 --> 00:43:10.962
All right. Enough!

812
00:43:11.505 --> 00:43:13.214
I am leaving!

813
00:43:13.799 --> 00:43:15.800
You people, you're sick!

814
00:43:21.473 --> 00:43:22.849
I actually forgot my skirt.

815
00:43:22.975 --> 00:43:24.851
I'm sorry.

816
00:43:30.858 --> 00:43:33.359
Okay, thanks. Thanks, everybody.

817
00:43:34.695 --> 00:43:37.739
And FYI, you both still have
your underwear on.

818
00:44:17.237 --> 00:44:20.740
Hey, it's Chloe.
I really need to speak to you.

819
00:44:28.248 --> 00:44:30.083
- Hey.
- Hi, it's me.

820
00:44:30.751 --> 00:44:33.378
I demand you let me in. I've got coffee

821
00:44:33.420 --> 00:44:34.754
and a bag
of those little sweets you like

822
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:36.381
that look like mini fried eggs.

823
00:44:40.427 --> 00:44:43.805
It was humiliating, degrading.

824
00:44:45.724 --> 00:44:48.726
I don't even know how I got myself
into that position.

825
00:44:48.769 --> 00:44:51.145
I am not a threesome person.

826
00:44:52.064 --> 00:44:54.315
I don't know what bits to touch when.

827
00:44:54.441 --> 00:44:56.067
Listen, fuck him.

828
00:44:56.777 --> 00:44:58.277
If he doesn't realise
how amazing you are,

829
00:44:58.404 --> 00:44:59.445
then he's an idiot.

830
00:45:00.739 --> 00:45:02.490
- He doesn't deserve you.
- Yeah, right.

831
00:45:02.616 --> 00:45:03.825
I mean, look at me.

832
00:45:03.951 --> 00:45:06.077
I'm in a rented flat

833
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:10.289
wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants
dressing gown,

834
00:45:10.332 --> 00:45:12.583
eating a mixture of
animal fat and sugar

835
00:45:12.626 --> 00:45:14.919
made to look like a fried egg.

836
00:45:15.963 --> 00:45:16.963
I'm 32 years old.

837
00:45:17.339 --> 00:45:20.800
Yeah, and you've spent
your whole life doing things

838
00:45:20.926 --> 00:45:24.512
which make everybody else
look shallow, trivial and pointless.

839
00:45:25.180 --> 00:45:27.473
I think it's slightly more important
to be able to limit

840
00:45:27.516 --> 00:45:29.350
the spread of an epidemic

841
00:45:30.144 --> 00:45:32.103
than know how to conduct yourself
in a threesome.

842
00:45:33.772 --> 00:45:34.814
You do?

843
00:45:34.982 --> 00:45:38.025
I mean, for the purposes
of this conversation, sure.

844
00:45:44.658 --> 00:45:48.369
Honestly, I just want someone
to look after me for a change.

845
00:45:48.787 --> 00:45:49.954
Well, I'll look after you.

846
00:45:51.790 --> 00:45:52.832
You can't.

847
00:45:53.709 --> 00:45:56.127
You've already got someone
to look after.

848
00:46:08.307 --> 00:46:11.976
Listen, I'm completely all right.

849
00:46:13.187 --> 00:46:15.354
I promise not to end it all.

850
00:46:15.856 --> 00:46:18.649
I don't even own a razor. I wax.

851
00:46:19.651 --> 00:46:21.527
I think it's pretty hard
to wax yourself to death.

852
00:46:25.073 --> 00:46:27.241
You can leave. I'm okay.

853
00:46:27.367 --> 00:46:29.076
No, it's all right.

854
00:46:29.995 --> 00:46:32.663
I'm putting off my Christmas shopping.

855
00:46:34.082 --> 00:46:36.501
I'm trying to figure out
what to buy Nat.

856
00:46:38.504 --> 00:46:39.879
What does she like?

857
00:46:40.672 --> 00:46:41.756
I've no idea.

858
00:46:43.383 --> 00:46:46.177
I was thinking casserole dishes, maybe.

859
00:46:47.429 --> 00:46:50.723
I simply cannot let you
get your new wife

860
00:46:50.849 --> 00:46:52.517
- casserole dishes for Christmas.
- Why?

861
00:46:52.559 --> 00:46:53.726
I mean...

862
00:46:54.853 --> 00:46:56.562
- Let me help you out.
- A griddle pan.

863
00:46:56.688 --> 00:46:57.897
- No!
- A set of knives.

864
00:46:57.940 --> 00:47:00.525
Enough. I'm gonna go and get changed.

865
00:47:06.365 --> 00:47:07.615
Thanks, Josh.

866
00:47:08.242 --> 00:47:09.575
Ah, it's all right.

867
00:47:16.750 --> 00:47:18.584
Excuse me. Thank you.

868
00:47:22.339 --> 00:47:23.714
- Hey.
- Hello.

869
00:47:25.843 --> 00:47:27.718
- You okay?
- Mmm-hmm. Can I ask...

870
00:47:28.220 --> 00:47:29.554
why we're meeting in your hotel?

871
00:47:29.596 --> 00:47:31.514
You do know I'm not going
up to your room, don't you?

872
00:47:32.057 --> 00:47:35.226
Oh! No, of course not. Purely business.

873
00:47:35.435 --> 00:47:37.270
No sexual tension whatsoever.

874
00:47:37.354 --> 00:47:40.898
No undercurrent of erotic electricity

875
00:47:40.941 --> 00:47:43.943
between two ludicrously attractive
single people.

876
00:47:44.278 --> 00:47:46.696
None. Absolutely not.

877
00:47:47.114 --> 00:47:48.447
Good.

878
00:47:48.574 --> 00:47:50.449
It's your time you're paying for.

879
00:47:50.534 --> 00:47:53.077
So, we need to lock down a date
for the website.

880
00:47:53.120 --> 00:47:55.955
It's just there are some tiny kittens
up in my room

881
00:47:56.081 --> 00:47:58.583
playing adorably with a ball of wool.

882
00:47:58.959 --> 00:48:01.627
- If you're interested.
- Cat faeces makes you go blind.

883
00:48:01.753 --> 00:48:04.797
- I'm not going to your room.
- Okay. You win.

884
00:48:04.923 --> 00:48:09.385
We'll work and completely ignore the
palpable sizzle of sensual possibility

885
00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:11.554
every time our bodies
accidentally touch.

886
00:48:13.974 --> 00:48:16.309
I've booked a boardroom down the hall.

887
00:48:17.144 --> 00:48:18.269
Shall we?

888
00:48:18.729 --> 00:48:20.605
Yeah, basically, I'm looking
for something for my wife.

889
00:48:20.647 --> 00:48:23.983
You know, pair of pants
and a brassiere, perhaps.

890
00:48:24.067 --> 00:48:27.820
Something that's long-lasting
and practical.

891
00:48:28.488 --> 00:48:30.489
Goodness, is that man-made fibre?

892
00:48:30.616 --> 00:48:33.242
Or is it, um, natural?

893
00:48:33.327 --> 00:48:36.162
Or is it a mixture of the two?
Because that's often the way these days.

894
00:48:36.288 --> 00:48:38.497
Helps with, um, durability and so on.

895
00:48:38.624 --> 00:48:40.166
I mean, that's a lovely bit of kit.
Look at that.

896
00:48:40.292 --> 00:48:41.959
That's a formidable gusset.
You could not break that.

897
00:48:42.002 --> 00:48:44.837
- Were you looking for a panty?
- Christ. Am I...

898
00:48:46.506 --> 00:48:47.590
A panty.

899
00:48:47.674 --> 00:48:49.342
Uh...

900
00:48:49.593 --> 00:48:51.260
He has trouble with the word "panty",
I think.

901
00:48:51.345 --> 00:48:54.096
No, I don't. "Panty."
I'm looking for a panty, mon chéri.

902
00:48:54.181 --> 00:48:56.974
A portion of your
finest panties, milord.

903
00:48:57.976 --> 00:49:01.020
Right.
Um, perhaps I should just ask you.

904
00:49:01.146 --> 00:49:02.355
After all, you are standing right here.

905
00:49:04.149 --> 00:49:06.525
Oh, God, no, no, no. I'm not his wife.

906
00:49:06.818 --> 00:49:09.028
- No way.
- I'm just helping out,

907
00:49:09.154 --> 00:49:11.697
making sure he doesn't buy
his actual wife vouchers.

908
00:49:11.823 --> 00:49:12.949
Well, you can't actually go wrong
with vouchers.

909
00:49:13.033 --> 00:49:14.700
Christ, is that really the price?

910
00:49:17.204 --> 00:49:19.288
I could buy half an 18-litre
dehumidifier for that.

911
00:49:19.373 --> 00:49:20.957
- Sir.
- Yes.

912
00:49:21.041 --> 00:49:22.959
We like to celebrate the erotic here.

913
00:49:23.043 --> 00:49:25.503
Celebrate.
"One-nil. Oy-oy! I scored a goal."

914
00:49:25.545 --> 00:49:27.380
- You don't need to be ashamed.
- I'm not ashamed of anything.

915
00:49:27.464 --> 00:49:29.382
- Embrace it.
- I'll embrace you.

916
00:49:29.466 --> 00:49:30.549
I didn't mean that, I'm really sorry.

917
00:49:31.385 --> 00:49:34.053
It's all right. Why don't you tell me...

918
00:49:34.388 --> 00:49:36.681
- Yeah?
...what turns you on?

919
00:49:37.057 --> 00:49:41.394
Uh... What turns me on?

920
00:49:41.812 --> 00:49:43.396
I don't... What, really?

921
00:49:45.565 --> 00:49:47.817
I, uh, I like it...
I like it when she...

922
00:49:50.237 --> 00:49:54.323
dresses up like a policewoman,
or estate agent.

923
00:49:55.826 --> 00:50:00.997
We haven't met,
and she forces me to do things to her

924
00:50:01.915 --> 00:50:04.417
that I would never normally do.

925
00:50:06.753 --> 00:50:08.671
- Right.
- Yeah.

926
00:50:09.756 --> 00:50:12.591
I was thinking
more along the lines of lace.

927
00:50:12.676 --> 00:50:13.759
Were you?

928
00:50:13.885 --> 00:50:15.428
- Satin?
- Satin.

929
00:50:16.179 --> 00:50:17.179
Fishnets?

930
00:50:17.264 --> 00:50:20.933
Fishnets, the fish of the sea.
Fish of the sea. A trawlerman.

931
00:50:21.018 --> 00:50:24.603
I once saw a trawlerman.

932
00:50:25.439 --> 00:50:26.772
You must know the lucky lady.

933
00:50:27.441 --> 00:50:29.025
Any thoughts?

934
00:50:29.109 --> 00:50:31.110
You're as useless at all this sexy stuff
as I am, aren't you?

935
00:50:31.611 --> 00:50:34.780
You're happy with a thermal nightie,
a Stieg Larsson and a nice milky tea.

936
00:50:37.617 --> 00:50:41.620
I'm just gonna go have a browse.
Leave you to it.

937
00:50:43.457 --> 00:50:45.124
Oh, this is nice.

938
00:50:45.250 --> 00:50:47.460
They also have a wonderful restaurant.

939
00:50:47.544 --> 00:50:50.463
I wouldn't think of staying
anywhere else when I'm in London.

940
00:50:50.922 --> 00:50:57.136
So, what is our strategy
when it comes to online awareness?

941
00:50:57.554 --> 00:51:01.140
So, the idea is to drive the consumer
to the site through...

942
00:51:01.933 --> 00:51:05.811
Oysters?

943
00:51:06.897 --> 00:51:07.980
Seriously, Guy.

944
00:51:08.648 --> 00:51:11.275
They must have run out
of Highland shortbread.

945
00:51:12.444 --> 00:51:15.654
To drive consumers to the site
through a unified multiplatform...

946
00:51:18.950 --> 00:51:21.827
A unified multiplatform approach,
accessible with...

947
00:51:25.791 --> 00:51:28.501
Yes, go on. Platforms, that was good.

948
00:51:29.002 --> 00:51:33.839
Well, traditional media
should not be ignored, either.

949
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:36.926
Doves? Really?

950
00:51:37.677 --> 00:51:39.512
I think you're amazing, Nat.

951
00:51:39.638 --> 00:51:42.306
I know it's unprofessional
and cliché, but...

952
00:51:42.349 --> 00:51:43.933
I'm married.

953
00:51:44.643 --> 00:51:46.185
What?

954
00:51:46.978 --> 00:51:49.021
I'm married. I have a husband.

955
00:51:51.942 --> 00:51:54.860
How can you?
Why didn't you say something?

956
00:51:54.986 --> 00:51:57.154
For all this time,
you didn't think to tell me?

957
00:51:57.197 --> 00:52:00.950
I didn't say anything because
I thought we'd get the account if...

958
00:52:02.202 --> 00:52:03.994
if I flirted with you.

959
00:52:04.037 --> 00:52:07.540
And then I liked flirting with you
too much for any of this to stop.

960
00:52:07.666 --> 00:52:10.543
Well, this wouldn't be happening
if you were happy with your husband.

961
00:52:11.336 --> 00:52:12.711
What am I supposed to say?

962
00:52:13.338 --> 00:52:16.549
I can't leave him, he'd be destroyed.
Look, I'm really sorry,

963
00:52:16.675 --> 00:52:19.051
but that dove's getting
awfully close to the ceiling fan.

964
00:52:19.845 --> 00:52:21.554
Who is this guy? Do you have children?

965
00:52:22.139 --> 00:52:24.682
- How long have you been married?
- Look, that's irrelevant. He's...

966
00:52:24.724 --> 00:52:26.559
He's dependable and...

967
00:52:28.895 --> 00:52:30.229
...and he's kind and safe,

968
00:52:30.313 --> 00:52:32.815
and I can't throw that all away for you.

969
00:52:32.899 --> 00:52:35.359
I mean, you're charming and twinkly.

970
00:52:36.987 --> 00:52:39.822
Look, you're a Ferrari and he's a Volvo,
and right now...

971
00:52:42.492 --> 00:52:44.076
I just need to be
behind the wheel of a Volvo.

972
00:52:44.536 --> 00:52:46.245
I need...

973
00:52:48.874 --> 00:52:50.082
I need reliability

974
00:52:50.500 --> 00:52:54.712
and to be able to get from A to B
safe and unhurt.

975
00:52:55.005 --> 00:52:56.088
Oh! God!

976
00:52:56.423 --> 00:52:57.923
Dove down, dove down!

977
00:52:58.049 --> 00:53:00.676
It's okay, I think it's just stunned.
Can you...

978
00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:02.720
- Do you want me to stop now?
- Yes.

979
00:53:02.762 --> 00:53:04.847
Listen, Nat. I'm not giving up.

980
00:53:05.098 --> 00:53:07.266
From the minute I met you
I've thought of nothing else.

981
00:53:07.350 --> 00:53:10.769
Do you think I care if our logo
has a drop shadow or is italicised? No.

982
00:53:11.104 --> 00:53:13.522
I'm looking for excuses to see you.

983
00:53:13.607 --> 00:53:14.773
Come on.

984
00:53:14.858 --> 00:53:16.775
And I'm not twinkly.

985
00:53:17.402 --> 00:53:19.028
I don't twinkle with anyone else.

986
00:53:20.280 --> 00:53:22.281
You make me twinkly.

987
00:53:24.784 --> 00:53:26.702
Ugh! God!

988
00:53:26.786 --> 00:53:29.121
That's supposed to be lucky.

989
00:53:29.789 --> 00:53:32.082
Look, as might be evident, I've never
done this kind of thing before,

990
00:53:32.125 --> 00:53:36.212
but I would regret it forever
if I didn't try everything I could.

991
00:53:36.713 --> 00:53:40.591
Married or not,
I need to be with you, Nat.

992
00:53:43.428 --> 00:53:45.221
Mind... Mind, um... Sorry.

993
00:53:45.805 --> 00:53:48.766
I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm sorry.

994
00:53:50.644 --> 00:53:52.061
Sorry.

995
00:53:58.944 --> 00:54:01.904
Perhaps in hindsight
you shouldn't have gone with the doves.

996
00:54:02.322 --> 00:54:03.489
Thanks.

997
00:54:06.284 --> 00:54:08.118
- You like those, sir?
- Uh, yeah.

998
00:54:08.328 --> 00:54:11.664
Crotchless. Interesting, lovely, yeah.
Do you get much of a call for those?

999
00:54:11.790 --> 00:54:13.666
- Shit.
- Everything all right in there?

1000
00:54:13.792 --> 00:54:16.252
Yeah, I just...
I think this hook is caught.

1001
00:54:16.336 --> 00:54:18.170
Yeah, I got it.
Uh, yeah, I have to admit

1002
00:54:18.338 --> 00:54:21.257
I'm not very good with
buttons or zips or that sort of thing.

1003
00:54:21.341 --> 00:54:23.592
Usually I... Holy fucking shit.

1004
00:54:25.595 --> 00:54:26.845
I mean, who needs a dehumidifier, right?

1005
00:54:27.514 --> 00:54:31.267
Sure, I get a bit of condensation on my
bedroom window sometimes, but it's fine.

1006
00:54:31.685 --> 00:54:34.311
- Will you just close the...
- Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry.

1007
00:54:34.854 --> 00:54:37.022
- Um...
- Look, were they always like that?

1008
00:54:37.148 --> 00:54:39.650
'Cause, I mean, they're unbelievable.

1009
00:54:39.693 --> 00:54:44.363
I just thought that
I would try something unpractical.

1010
00:54:46.032 --> 00:54:50.160
Do you think that Nat
would like something like this, or...

1011
00:54:50.203 --> 00:54:51.787
Nat?

1012
00:54:51.871 --> 00:54:55.374
Oh, of course.
Yeah, she'd look really nice.

1013
00:54:57.043 --> 00:54:58.836
She'd look good.

1014
00:54:58.878 --> 00:55:00.212
Um...

1015
00:55:00.547 --> 00:55:02.131
Yeah, but I think maybe the...

1016
00:55:02.215 --> 00:55:03.632
- I don't know if it's...
- What is it?

1017
00:55:03.717 --> 00:55:05.884
I don't know if it's caught on the tag.

1018
00:55:06.886 --> 00:55:08.053
I don't know what I did.

1019
00:55:08.138 --> 00:55:10.180
Your hair's in the way,
I'm just gonna...

1020
00:55:18.732 --> 00:55:21.233
You know those, um,

1021
00:55:21.735 --> 00:55:24.903
strips that they put in pants...

1022
00:55:25.905 --> 00:55:27.906
if you want to try them on?

1023
00:55:29.326 --> 00:55:32.911
Do you think that's to prevent
against gonorrhoea or chlamydia?

1024
00:55:34.581 --> 00:55:37.374
That's the one these days, Chlamydia.
That's...

1025
00:55:37.417 --> 00:55:39.918
Or so I've... so I've read.

1026
00:55:56.603 --> 00:55:58.771
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I did that.

1027
00:55:58.855 --> 00:56:02.191
No. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

1028
00:56:02.275 --> 00:56:04.860
Excuse me, sir,
will you be paying for that?

1029
00:56:06.946 --> 00:56:08.614
Christ, I expect so.

1030
00:56:09.032 --> 00:56:10.115
I'm sorry.

1031
00:56:10.241 --> 00:56:12.618
I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know
how I feel about you

1032
00:56:12.702 --> 00:56:15.996
- and I don't want to let you slip away.
- It's very complicated.

1033
00:56:16.122 --> 00:56:18.290
- Chloe, that was really bad.
- I know.

1034
00:56:18.375 --> 00:56:21.210
I mean, not the kiss or the visuals,
that was lovely,

1035
00:56:21.461 --> 00:56:23.587
- but I'm married.
- I know.

1036
00:56:23.797 --> 00:56:25.964
Oh, great, it's goddamn Beyoncé.

1037
00:56:26.216 --> 00:56:28.717
What?! Fuck!

1038
00:56:28.802 --> 00:56:31.136
- Beyoncé is my husband!
- What?

1039
00:56:31.221 --> 00:56:32.888
Beyoncé is my husband!

1040
00:56:33.473 --> 00:56:34.640
- Beyoncé is Josh.
- Him?

1041
00:56:34.766 --> 00:56:36.141
Yes.

1042
00:56:36.768 --> 00:56:38.060
Nat!

1043
00:56:39.229 --> 00:56:40.979
- Hello, darling!
- How weird!

1044
00:56:41.147 --> 00:56:43.148
- What a treat.
- How are you?

1045
00:56:43.817 --> 00:56:45.567
- Hi, Chloe.
- Hi.

1046
00:56:45.819 --> 00:56:48.278
- Guy, right?
- Yeah. Josh?

1047
00:56:48.321 --> 00:56:49.655
Yeah, that's right. Nice to see you.

1048
00:56:49.781 --> 00:56:52.991
Guy, this is Chloe.
She's a wonderful, uh...

1049
00:56:53.159 --> 00:56:54.326
charity worker.

1050
00:56:54.411 --> 00:56:55.828
- Hi.
- Hi.

1051
00:56:55.995 --> 00:56:57.788
Yeah, we were just doing
some Christmas shopping.

1052
00:56:57.831 --> 00:56:59.164
We were just having a meeting
around the corner.

1053
00:56:59.290 --> 00:57:00.624
- Oh, were you?
- Yeah.

1054
00:57:00.667 --> 00:57:03.001
- Nice.
- Yeah.

1055
00:57:05.004 --> 00:57:07.423
- Did you have fun last night?
- Oh, it was awesome, awesome.

1056
00:57:07.507 --> 00:57:10.676
Did you manage to get lucky
with the ladies?

1057
00:57:11.302 --> 00:57:14.680
No. Actually,
the girl I had my eye on blew me off.

1058
00:57:14.848 --> 00:57:17.099
I ended up alone in the hotel
with a mini sleeve of Pringles

1059
00:57:17.183 --> 00:57:19.143
watching Malaysian golf on Eurosport.

1060
00:57:19.185 --> 00:57:21.603
That's hilarious.

1061
00:57:26.609 --> 00:57:28.694
I find that incredibly
difficult to believe.

1062
00:57:28.862 --> 00:57:29.987
Well, it's true, it's true.

1063
00:57:30.113 --> 00:57:31.613
What, a man as good-looking as you?

1064
00:57:31.698 --> 00:57:36.493
Fabulous face, amazing hair,
wonderful teeth.

1065
00:57:36.536 --> 00:57:38.537
- A real hunk of spunk.
- Thank you.

1066
00:57:38.621 --> 00:57:41.999
Amazing skin, that's what...
Hasn't he got incredible skin?

1067
00:57:42.876 --> 00:57:44.835
- You do.
- Thank you.

1068
00:57:44.878 --> 00:57:46.545
It's inspirational.

1069
00:57:47.839 --> 00:57:49.673
Chloe's single. Aren't you?

1070
00:57:50.717 --> 00:57:52.301
And she's American.

1071
00:57:52.385 --> 00:57:54.553
- And you're... you could...
- ... ride the subway

1072
00:57:54.679 --> 00:57:57.222
and have a malt at the Five and Dime.

1073
00:57:57.348 --> 00:57:58.474
If that takes your fancy.

1074
00:57:59.684 --> 00:58:01.393
If you want to.

1075
00:58:01.519 --> 00:58:03.562
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.

1076
00:58:03.688 --> 00:58:05.397
Poor Chloe could probably think
of nothing worse,

1077
00:58:05.732 --> 00:58:07.733
but maybe if we all
went out together sometime,

1078
00:58:07.859 --> 00:58:10.402
- that could be cool.
- Ooh!

1079
00:58:10.737 --> 00:58:13.238
You could set that up,
couldn't you, Nat? Is that all right?

1080
00:58:13.323 --> 00:58:17.576
Yes, yes, absolutely.
I will organise it. I'll organise it.

1081
00:58:17.660 --> 00:58:18.744
Awesome.

1082
00:58:18.828 --> 00:58:19.995
- Great.
- Okay.

1083
00:58:20.079 --> 00:58:21.747
- Dinner after Christmas.
- Dinner.

1084
00:58:21.873 --> 00:58:23.916
Yeah, sarsaparilla
and hot dogs all round.

1085
00:58:24.250 --> 00:58:26.418
- Very nice to meet you.
- You, too. You, too.

1086
00:58:29.339 --> 00:58:33.926
Things really hit a low point
around Christmas.

1087
00:58:34.511 --> 00:58:37.095
His family's so weird.

1088
00:58:38.431 --> 00:58:40.599
- That's not nice.
- They are. Come on.

1089
00:58:41.017 --> 00:58:44.937
I caught your mother googling,
"Can cat urine be used as fertiliser?"

1090
00:58:45.021 --> 00:58:47.606
She's got lots of cat urine.
She might as well use it.

1091
00:58:48.358 --> 00:58:50.400
Why the fuck has she got
lots of cat urine?

1092
00:58:50.527 --> 00:58:53.362
Hey! Merry Christmas!

1093
00:58:54.197 --> 00:58:55.697
At least my family are friendly.

1094
00:58:55.782 --> 00:58:58.283
- Nat!
- Hi, Mum. You all right?

1095
00:58:58.868 --> 00:59:01.537
You didn't exactly endear yourself
with the charades debacle.

1096
00:59:03.039 --> 00:59:04.122
Here we go.

1097
00:59:06.709 --> 00:59:08.418
- Play.
- Television.

1098
00:59:10.129 --> 00:59:12.381
Four words. First word.

1099
00:59:13.091 --> 00:59:15.133
- Unconscious.
- Dead.

1100
00:59:15.218 --> 00:59:18.303
- Tapping. Computer.
- Hanging. Vera Duck.

1101
00:59:18.429 --> 00:59:19.805
- Letters.
- Braille.

1102
00:59:19.931 --> 00:59:21.765
- Red.
- Impotent! Thick!

1103
00:59:21.808 --> 00:59:23.100
- Stupid.
- Man.

1104
00:59:23.142 --> 00:59:24.226
- Effeminate.
- Husband?

1105
00:59:24.310 --> 00:59:25.811
- Annoying idiot.
- Father?

1106
00:59:25.937 --> 00:59:28.146
Disappointment. Shame. Regret.

1107
00:59:28.231 --> 00:59:29.314
- Profession.
- Lazy.

1108
00:59:29.440 --> 00:59:31.441
Doctor. "Doctor," thank you.

1109
00:59:31.484 --> 00:59:34.152
"Doctor" is not the first thing
you think of when you look at him.

1110
00:59:34.279 --> 00:59:36.238
- Four words. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde!
- Doctor Zhivago.

1111
00:59:36.322 --> 00:59:38.448
Quick, quick, quick,
you've got a minute!

1112
00:59:38.491 --> 00:59:39.783
Go, go, go!

1113
00:59:39.826 --> 00:59:42.578
- Second word.
- Sounds like... sister.

1114
00:59:43.162 --> 00:59:44.830
- Nat.
- Fit. Sexy.

1115
00:59:44.914 --> 00:59:47.124
- Young girl?
- Wife. Uh, woman.

1116
00:59:47.458 --> 00:59:50.002
Nat, bat, sat, rat, cat, hat.

1117
00:59:50.086 --> 00:59:52.004
Wife. Beautiful. Uh... The splits!

1118
00:59:52.130 --> 00:59:53.797
- Cellist!
- Cello!

1119
00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:56.508
- Hilary and Jackie.
- Family. Family.

1120
00:59:57.176 --> 00:59:58.510
- What are you...
- Barren.

1121
00:59:58.636 --> 01:00:01.638
Baron Münchausen! Sorry, no. Um...

1122
01:00:03.600 --> 01:00:05.267
Um...

1123
01:00:06.769 --> 01:00:07.936
Vagina.

1124
01:00:08.771 --> 01:00:12.190
Pussy. Minge. Twat. Foo-foo.

1125
01:00:12.442 --> 01:00:14.985
Clunge. Uh, growler.

1126
01:00:15.028 --> 01:00:16.111
Quim.

1127
01:00:16.195 --> 01:00:18.363
Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim! Quim!

1128
01:00:18.448 --> 01:00:20.032
Dr Quim and his Casebooks!

1129
01:00:20.450 --> 01:00:22.534
- Dr Quinn Medicine Woman.
- That's it.

1130
01:00:23.953 --> 01:00:25.621
- Get away from me.
- What?

1131
01:00:26.706 --> 01:00:28.373
You all right, Mother?

1132
01:00:28.499 --> 01:00:29.791
What else rhymes with "Quinn"?

1133
01:00:30.460 --> 01:00:31.668
Sounds like "chin"?

1134
01:00:32.545 --> 01:00:34.129
Sounds like "bin".

1135
01:00:34.213 --> 01:00:35.797
Yeah, all right, bloody Lionel Blair.

1136
01:00:36.049 --> 01:00:37.716
Look, I was tired.

1137
01:00:38.343 --> 01:00:40.177
I'd hardly slept,
I wasn't thinking straight

1138
01:00:40.219 --> 01:00:42.888
because your evil stepdad
had put me in that bedroom.

1139
01:00:43.014 --> 01:00:45.223
Just to punish me.

1140
01:00:45.391 --> 01:00:48.060
I would argue that you got
a better night's sleep

1141
01:00:48.186 --> 01:00:50.520
than I did at your parents' house.

1142
01:00:50.563 --> 01:00:51.563
- Oh, Brian!
- Elaine!

1143
01:00:51.689 --> 01:00:53.690
Oh, Brian, you know
just what I like!

1144
01:00:53.733 --> 01:00:55.901
- Tits or face? Tits or face?
- Tits.

1145
01:00:57.528 --> 01:00:58.570
Wrong answer!

1146
01:00:58.655 --> 01:01:01.657
- Oh, Brian! Oh, my God.
- Sorry, darling.

1147
01:01:02.075 --> 01:01:03.408
Yeah, well, your parents
made it perfectly clear

1148
01:01:03.534 --> 01:01:04.534
what they thought of me.

1149
01:01:05.328 --> 01:01:07.537
- What have you got?
- Fantastic!

1150
01:01:07.580 --> 01:01:10.248
- Digital photo frame.
- Wonderful!

1151
01:01:10.375 --> 01:01:12.417
You just put a memory stick in
and it makes a slide show.

1152
01:01:12.460 --> 01:01:14.419
We've got our camera on us,
we'll have to try it out later.

1153
01:01:14.462 --> 01:01:16.463
That is fabulous. "ReKapture."

1154
01:01:16.589 --> 01:01:18.382
My go? Thank you. Who's this from?

1155
01:01:18.424 --> 01:01:19.716
Mum and Dad!

1156
01:01:20.259 --> 01:01:21.760
Cracking.

1157
01:01:25.098 --> 01:01:26.890
How to be a Successful Writer.

1158
01:01:28.142 --> 01:01:29.810
And, um, Stop Wasting Your Life.

1159
01:01:31.771 --> 01:01:33.438
- Good idea.
- Unbelievable.

1160
01:01:33.481 --> 01:01:35.565
- My family hate him...
- They hate me.

1161
01:01:35.775 --> 01:01:37.442
...his family get under my skin,

1162
01:01:37.568 --> 01:01:40.278
and, at a time when we should have
felt happy and close,

1163
01:01:40.822 --> 01:01:42.155
I couldn't have felt more distant.

1164
01:01:45.034 --> 01:01:47.160
Explain again what your book's about.

1165
01:01:47.245 --> 01:01:51.289
Well, my hero is a young
history professor called Ezra

1166
01:01:51.416 --> 01:01:54.376
who, with the help of
a young American aid worker,

1167
01:01:54.460 --> 01:01:58.463
discovers this man in Borneo
who claims to be Muhammad.

1168
01:01:59.716 --> 01:02:03.635
So it's a meditation, really,
on the veracity and origins of faith.

1169
01:02:03.720 --> 01:02:05.929
If he ever gets round to finishing it.

1170
01:02:06.055 --> 01:02:07.764
Oi!

1171
01:02:08.641 --> 01:02:10.142
Another drink, Josh?

1172
01:02:10.268 --> 01:02:11.560
Oh, that'd be lovely, thank you.

1173
01:02:23.281 --> 01:02:25.615
Oh, that's gorgeous.

1174
01:02:26.659 --> 01:02:28.994
- Ice?
- Uh, yes, please.

1175
01:02:29.662 --> 01:02:30.912
Mmm.

1176
01:02:30.997 --> 01:02:32.998
That's sweet.

1177
01:02:35.293 --> 01:02:36.960
Are you sure there's
nothing I can do to help?

1178
01:02:37.003 --> 01:02:38.587
- No, thank you, I'm fine.
- I have to help!

1179
01:02:38.671 --> 01:02:40.005
Oh!

1180
01:02:40.798 --> 01:02:41.923
Mince pie, Alec?

1181
01:02:43.134 --> 01:02:44.676
- No, thank you.
- Are you sure?

1182
01:02:44.802 --> 01:02:46.094
Why are you standing like that?

1183
01:02:46.179 --> 01:02:47.471
Just offering Alec a mince pie.

1184
01:02:47.513 --> 01:02:48.764
He doesn't want a mince pie.

1185
01:02:48.848 --> 01:02:50.474
- You don't... You don't?
- No.

1186
01:02:52.018 --> 01:02:53.435
Just stand up.

1187
01:02:55.146 --> 01:02:57.689
That's that market we went to
in Taroudant.

1188
01:02:57.815 --> 01:02:59.608
- Let me see, darling.
- Yes.

1189
01:02:59.692 --> 01:03:01.985
Um, it was gorgeous,
they had the most incredible figs.

1190
01:03:02.028 --> 01:03:04.029
I'm sure nobody
wants to hear about the figs.

1191
01:03:04.113 --> 01:03:05.822
Because it wasn't very...
Look at the cat!

1192
01:03:05.865 --> 01:03:07.282
Fucking little cocksucker.

1193
01:03:08.034 --> 01:03:09.201
Give this back to me.

1194
01:03:10.036 --> 01:03:11.328
Give it!

1195
01:03:12.622 --> 01:03:14.039
Just sit down.

1196
01:03:15.833 --> 01:03:17.042
Goodness me.

1197
01:03:17.168 --> 01:03:19.336
- Is it still working?
- Yes.

1198
01:03:19.378 --> 01:03:24.007
This is the town square. They had
snake charmers and performing monkeys.

1199
01:03:24.133 --> 01:03:25.842
Oh! That looks so magical.

1200
01:03:26.844 --> 01:03:28.345
Me with a monkey.

1201
01:03:28.513 --> 01:03:30.222
Darling, you look so sweet.

1202
01:03:31.224 --> 01:03:33.892
Oh! Me trying on those slippers.
They were very pretty.

1203
01:03:33.976 --> 01:03:35.393
They look it.

1204
01:03:36.229 --> 01:03:37.312
Us having cocktails.

1205
01:03:37.396 --> 01:03:39.481
There was a beautiful bar
at the top of the hotel.

1206
01:03:39.565 --> 01:03:41.066
We'd go there every evening.

1207
01:03:41.484 --> 01:03:43.527
Us having more cocktails.

1208
01:04:08.928 --> 01:04:10.428
It was a junior suite.

1209
01:04:10.555 --> 01:04:12.931
Uh... Not terribly expensive.

1210
01:04:13.766 --> 01:04:17.227
Lovely view of the orchards.
In fact, you can... If you just...

1211
01:04:17.436 --> 01:04:20.397
You can just see in the
background there, the... Phwoar.

1212
01:04:22.400 --> 01:04:24.234
That's doggy style.

1213
01:04:25.319 --> 01:04:27.237
Nat's favourite. Isn't it, Nat?

1214
01:04:36.664 --> 01:04:38.456
Why don't I drive?

1215
01:04:39.000 --> 01:04:40.333
You drive like you've got a vagina.

1216
01:04:40.418 --> 01:04:43.295
You could do.
Or I could glue myself to a deckchair

1217
01:04:43.379 --> 01:04:44.838
and you could kick me down a stairwell.

1218
01:04:44.922 --> 01:04:47.674
Both about as enjoyable.
Both about as likely to happen.

1219
01:04:48.259 --> 01:04:50.468
Why do you do it?

1220
01:04:50.553 --> 01:04:53.013
Why are you still together?
You hate each other.

1221
01:04:53.097 --> 01:04:55.849
Of course we do, but that's marriage.

1222
01:04:56.851 --> 01:04:58.852
I mean, you embrace the hatred.

1223
01:04:59.937 --> 01:05:01.813
And I married a man
who wears driving gloves.

1224
01:05:01.898 --> 01:05:03.189
Actually helps you get purchase.

1225
01:05:03.274 --> 01:05:05.358
Don't say "purchase".

1226
01:05:05.610 --> 01:05:09.237
But how do you know that the hate
won't outweigh the love?

1227
01:05:09.322 --> 01:05:11.823
How do you know there's not
someone better out there for you?

1228
01:05:11.908 --> 01:05:14.409
Well, Christ, there is.
Of course there is.

1229
01:05:15.328 --> 01:05:17.287
But marriage is about living
with the imperfections, isn't it?

1230
01:05:17.371 --> 01:05:19.414
I mean, look at that stupid ginger face.

1231
01:05:20.458 --> 01:05:22.375
It's true. I'd miss her.

1232
01:05:22.460 --> 01:05:24.252
Look at those beautiful eyes,
big warm heart.

1233
01:05:24.337 --> 01:05:26.379
You know, she hasn't aged a day
since I met her.

1234
01:05:26.464 --> 01:05:30.425
And as you get to know each other more,
well, you love each other more.

1235
01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:32.469
No, don't you try and kiss me.

1236
01:05:37.266 --> 01:05:39.017
- Did you forget something?
- Yeah.

1237
01:05:40.227 --> 01:05:42.562
- We're gonna hit traffic, you know.
- Yeah, you will.

1238
01:05:46.275 --> 01:05:47.359
Tonight should be interesting.

1239
01:05:47.443 --> 01:05:49.611
They could be really right
for each other.

1240
01:05:49.695 --> 01:05:52.572
Because Chloe's so sweet,
and Guy seems all right.

1241
01:05:52.657 --> 01:05:55.033
What do you think? What about that?

1242
01:05:55.159 --> 01:05:56.493
No?

1243
01:05:56.869 --> 01:05:58.119
Yeah.

1244
01:05:58.204 --> 01:06:01.915
Chloe's lovely.
I don't know how you let her slip away.

1245
01:06:02.249 --> 01:06:04.000
What, Chloe? No!

1246
01:06:05.002 --> 01:06:07.420
She's too nice. She's too perfect.

1247
01:06:07.505 --> 01:06:09.631
A little of Chloe goes a long way.

1248
01:06:09.715 --> 01:06:11.424
Yeah, I mean,
she can be kind of grating.

1249
01:06:11.509 --> 01:06:14.386
Totally. This one? Rugby?

1250
01:06:15.554 --> 01:06:16.638
No?

1251
01:06:17.223 --> 01:06:20.475
But Guy, I mean, he's quite a catch.
He's just your type, really.

1252
01:06:20.559 --> 01:06:24.062
No, he's too slick
for his own good.

1253
01:06:24.605 --> 01:06:25.981
Bit too American.

1254
01:06:26.732 --> 01:06:28.692
You're my type.
I don't really go for good-looking.

1255
01:06:29.318 --> 01:06:30.652
Oh.

1256
01:06:35.199 --> 01:06:38.660
Hi. Great to see you.
You're looking very sexy.

1257
01:06:38.744 --> 01:06:39.995
And, Nat, you look good, too.

1258
01:06:44.625 --> 01:06:45.834
Uh, you two pop yourselves down.

1259
01:06:45.918 --> 01:06:47.210
I'm gonna nip off
to the little boys' room.

1260
01:06:47.294 --> 01:06:49.796
See if I can find myself
some little boys.

1261
01:06:49.880 --> 01:06:52.132
Obviously not.
Just gonna go for a quick wee.

1262
01:06:52.216 --> 01:06:53.258
Not the other.

1263
01:06:55.594 --> 01:06:57.387
Sorry about that.

1264
01:07:04.270 --> 01:07:06.354
So, is tonight not a bit weird?

1265
01:07:06.439 --> 01:07:08.690
Do you promise
not to get insanely jealous?

1266
01:07:10.443 --> 01:07:11.776
Honestly.

1267
01:07:12.737 --> 01:07:15.989
Chloe is fantastic. You'll love her.

1268
01:07:16.657 --> 01:07:21.161
She's the best. The best!
She's so kind. Wonderfully kind.

1269
01:07:21.245 --> 01:07:23.580
- Mmm. Mmm.
- And pretty. She's very pretty.

1270
01:07:23.664 --> 01:07:26.624
Definitely, she's so pretty.
Hundred percent.

1271
01:07:31.922 --> 01:07:33.423
Hey, Chloe, you're here.

1272
01:07:33.507 --> 01:07:36.509
Yeah. Look, if this is weird, I can go.

1273
01:07:36.635 --> 01:07:39.846
It's just that, you know, you set it up
and you didn't seem to mind.

1274
01:07:39.930 --> 01:07:41.639
No, I don't mind, it's not weird.
Why would I find it weird?

1275
01:07:41.724 --> 01:07:44.768
Listen, the bloke's a bit of a twat,
but you might like him.

1276
01:07:45.311 --> 01:07:47.437
Oh, yeah! I love a twat.

1277
01:07:47.521 --> 01:07:49.564
Single girl, looking for a guy.

1278
01:07:49.648 --> 01:07:51.941
No non-twats considered.

1279
01:07:52.026 --> 01:07:53.276
Oh, shit. Okay, they've seen us.

1280
01:07:54.612 --> 01:07:56.446
Let's go do this.

1281
01:07:56.530 --> 01:08:00.700
Okay, final game.
It's Brits one, Yanks one.

1282
01:08:00.785 --> 01:08:03.620
We owe this to our great nation
to win this, Chloe.

1283
01:08:03.704 --> 01:08:04.954
- Let's do it.
- Yes, sir!

1284
01:08:05.039 --> 01:08:07.457
Just look at us. We're all getting on
like a house on fire.

1285
01:08:07.541 --> 01:08:09.292
I've never really understood
that phrase.

1286
01:08:09.376 --> 01:08:10.418
Exactly why is it good

1287
01:08:10.503 --> 01:08:13.379
to get on like a house on fire? I mean,
there might be small kids left inside.

1288
01:08:13.464 --> 01:08:14.547
- Think of them.
- I know!

1289
01:08:14.632 --> 01:08:17.133
And the possibility of asphyxiation...

1290
01:08:17.218 --> 01:08:19.260
Or at the very least,
the loss of any no-claims bonus.

1291
01:08:20.638 --> 01:08:21.971
It's just a metaphor.

1292
01:08:22.056 --> 01:08:24.516
It means something that's
uncontrollable, has momentum.

1293
01:08:24.642 --> 01:08:26.601
Exactly. So, tell me this.

1294
01:08:26.685 --> 01:08:29.020
What would be the first thing
you'd save in a fire? Let me guess.

1295
01:08:29.522 --> 01:08:31.272
- Jimmy Choos.
- Your wedding ring.

1296
01:08:33.067 --> 01:08:34.943
Well, obviously my wedding ring.

1297
01:08:35.027 --> 01:08:37.445
But I've got two hands, haven't I?

1298
01:08:37.530 --> 01:08:39.030
She does love that ring.

1299
01:08:39.615 --> 01:08:42.200
The first thing I noticed about you.
Wasn't it?

1300
01:09:00.010 --> 01:09:01.052
Sorry, Nat. Excuse me.

1301
01:09:07.643 --> 01:09:08.685
Fuck off.

1302
01:09:09.937 --> 01:09:11.271
Yeah, that's too bad.

1303
01:09:11.730 --> 01:09:13.857
I'd probably rescue that necklace
that I got you

1304
01:09:13.941 --> 01:09:15.733
when we got engaged in Venice.

1305
01:09:15.818 --> 01:09:17.944
That's sweet. It's beautiful.

1306
01:09:19.947 --> 01:09:21.489
How about you, Chloe?

1307
01:09:21.615 --> 01:09:24.284
I'm guessing something
sentimental, emotional?

1308
01:09:25.119 --> 01:09:26.161
Um...

1309
01:09:26.245 --> 01:09:28.037
- It's your shot, Guy.
- Sorry?

1310
01:09:28.122 --> 01:09:30.874
- It's your shot, mate.
- Sorry.

1311
01:09:30.958 --> 01:09:33.209
You wouldn't really head for the shoes,
though, would you, Chloe?

1312
01:09:33.294 --> 01:09:34.961
Fashion's not really your thing.

1313
01:09:35.254 --> 01:09:37.297
Why would it be?
I mean, look at her.

1314
01:09:37.423 --> 01:09:38.631
She'd make anything look fantastic.

1315
01:09:40.134 --> 01:09:42.802
- She'd make a sack look incredible.
- Thanks.

1316
01:09:42.887 --> 01:09:44.012
Good shot.

1317
01:09:44.096 --> 01:09:47.265
Yeah, it's like, what's the opposite of,
"You cannot polish a turd"?

1318
01:09:47.558 --> 01:09:49.267
She's an already polished turd.

1319
01:09:49.560 --> 01:09:52.145
She's a turd buffed to a high sheen.

1320
01:09:53.063 --> 01:09:54.314
Thanks.

1321
01:09:54.857 --> 01:09:55.899
Unlucky, pal.

1322
01:09:55.983 --> 01:09:57.400
Yeah, honestly, if the stuff burnt up,

1323
01:09:57.484 --> 01:10:00.320
I think I'd just view it
as a chance to start over,

1324
01:10:00.404 --> 01:10:04.782
you know, have a new adventure. I'm not
too bothered by material possessions.

1325
01:10:04.867 --> 01:10:07.327
All right, come down on it a bit.

1326
01:10:07.745 --> 01:10:09.162
Come on.

1327
01:10:09.246 --> 01:10:10.955
And use your arm
to go back and forth with it

1328
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:12.290
so you really get a nice pumping action.

1329
01:10:12.917 --> 01:10:14.042
Then go through the ball,

1330
01:10:14.126 --> 01:10:16.085
and you want to hit it
on the edge there.

1331
01:10:16.170 --> 01:10:17.921
Ah, ah, ah! If you put the cue

1332
01:10:18.172 --> 01:10:19.714
between your thumb
and your first finger,

1333
01:10:19.798 --> 01:10:21.925
you'll find it easier to get...
That's it.

1334
01:10:21.967 --> 01:10:24.928
Now get this moving
before you take the shot.

1335
01:10:25.012 --> 01:10:26.012
Come down a bit lower on it.

1336
01:10:26.764 --> 01:10:28.806
Don't take the...
Come on, not that low.

1337
01:10:29.642 --> 01:10:32.936
That's it.
Now play through the ball, and breathe.

1338
01:10:35.022 --> 01:10:36.314
There's no point, is there?

1339
01:10:36.398 --> 01:10:38.983
If we're not gonna do it properly,
it's like, what's the point?

1340
01:10:39.068 --> 01:10:40.443
- There's no point in playing, is there?
- Nice try.

1341
01:10:40.527 --> 01:10:42.320
Oh, I think it's my shot.

1342
01:10:42.404 --> 01:10:43.780
I think Chloe's right.

1343
01:10:43.864 --> 01:10:48.117
I mean, nice things is great,
but ultimately, so what?

1344
01:10:48.202 --> 01:10:50.203
As long as the people you love are safe.

1345
01:10:51.121 --> 01:10:52.372
That's it. You got that?

1346
01:10:53.499 --> 01:10:54.707
Good shot, Chloe.

1347
01:10:54.792 --> 01:10:56.209
Did you see that?

1348
01:10:56.293 --> 01:10:58.086
That was... Wow!

1349
01:10:58.170 --> 01:11:00.421
I can't believe it. Oh!

1350
01:11:00.589 --> 01:11:03.633
- It'll never happen again.
- Oh, it will. Be positive.

1351
01:11:03.717 --> 01:11:06.302
No. Once in a lifetime.

1352
01:11:07.137 --> 01:11:09.639
It's so sweet,
what you said about that necklace.

1353
01:11:09.723 --> 01:11:10.723
Yeah.

1354
01:11:10.808 --> 01:11:13.643
- I should wear it more often.
- Okay. What do you think?

1355
01:11:13.727 --> 01:11:16.896
- I think you're good on your own.
- Oh, you touched the cue ball.

1356
01:11:16.981 --> 01:11:18.356
- Oh.
- So...

1357
01:11:18.440 --> 01:11:20.024
- Really?
- I mean, if you want to play proper...

1358
01:11:20.109 --> 01:11:21.985
No, it's fine if you want to...

1359
01:11:22.069 --> 01:11:23.528
- Okay.
- Sorry.

1360
01:11:23.612 --> 01:11:25.029
- Happens all the time, don't worry.
- I'm sorry.

1361
01:11:25.114 --> 01:11:26.281
It's two shots if...

1362
01:11:26.365 --> 01:11:28.866
- No, no, it's cool. You...
- All right. No, no. No, go ahead.

1363
01:11:28.951 --> 01:11:30.326
- I don't want to be a dick about it...
- No!

1364
01:11:30.411 --> 01:11:31.411
- Too late.
- Are you sure?

1365
01:11:31.495 --> 01:11:32.578
- Take your two shots.
- Fine.

1366
01:11:32.788 --> 01:11:34.789
- Well, that was fun.
- Yeah.

1367
01:11:34.873 --> 01:11:36.499
We should do it again.
What do you say, Josh?

1368
01:11:36.583 --> 01:11:38.126
Give you Brits a chance for revenge?

1369
01:11:38.252 --> 01:11:40.878
Oh, yeah, 'cause...
When my elbow's a bit better,

1370
01:11:40.963 --> 01:11:42.588
I'll be able to give you
a much better game. Probably win.

1371
01:11:42.673 --> 01:11:44.340
Yeah, that sounds fun.

1372
01:11:44.425 --> 01:11:45.508
Can I walk you to your car?

1373
01:11:45.634 --> 01:11:48.219
Oh, you know,
I'm just gonna catch a cab,

1374
01:11:48.304 --> 01:11:50.138
but you can wait with me if you like.

1375
01:11:50.222 --> 01:11:51.931
- Be my pleasure.
- Okay.

1376
01:11:52.016 --> 01:11:54.976
Actually, Guy, do you mind
if I quickly grab you for two minutes?

1377
01:11:55.060 --> 01:11:57.186
Just to talk packaging
before the meeting.

1378
01:11:57.521 --> 01:11:58.646
Is that okay?

1379
01:11:59.481 --> 01:12:01.482
- Sure.
- Thanks. Sorry.

1380
01:12:02.234 --> 01:12:04.319
Well, I could help you
get a cab, if you want.

1381
01:12:04.653 --> 01:12:05.778
And I'll wait with you.

1382
01:12:07.614 --> 01:12:09.324
Okay, yeah.

1383
01:12:10.868 --> 01:12:12.744
- I had a blast, partner.
- Oh!

1384
01:12:12.828 --> 01:12:14.996
We are what make our nation great.

1385
01:12:15.456 --> 01:12:18.082
I'd like to check out that Kandinsky
thing you were talking about.

1386
01:12:18.167 --> 01:12:20.084
That sounds very interesting.

1387
01:12:20.627 --> 01:12:22.170
Thank you.

1388
01:12:24.673 --> 01:12:26.674
Aw, that's nice. All right?

1389
01:12:26.759 --> 01:12:28.384
Okay, I'll see you back at the flat.

1390
01:12:28.469 --> 01:12:30.595
All right. All the best.

1391
01:12:33.057 --> 01:12:34.474
I presume we need to make a decision

1392
01:12:34.558 --> 01:12:37.643
on the LinkWorth tender
for the branding.

1393
01:12:38.395 --> 01:12:39.437
What are your thoughts?

1394
01:12:45.277 --> 01:12:47.820
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I thought you said that this...

1395
01:13:00.793 --> 01:13:03.336
Oh, Christ, even your
underwear's amazing.

1396
01:13:08.217 --> 01:13:10.385
It's a little fiddly.

1397
01:13:11.387 --> 01:13:13.137
Just rip it off. Just rip it!

1398
01:13:13.222 --> 01:13:14.889
There it is!

1399
01:13:16.350 --> 01:13:20.395
That Guy's so dull. He's so bland.

1400
01:13:20.979 --> 01:13:22.480
You don't like him, do you?

1401
01:13:22.815 --> 01:13:24.107
Taxi!

1402
01:13:25.234 --> 01:13:26.567
No?

1403
01:13:28.654 --> 01:13:32.156
What's going on, Josh?
What are we even doing?

1404
01:13:33.575 --> 01:13:35.660
What do you mean? Taxi!

1405
01:13:36.703 --> 01:13:38.621
Your light's on! Put your light...

1406
01:13:38.914 --> 01:13:40.289
His light was on. Why would...

1407
01:13:42.042 --> 01:13:44.377
You realise I love you, don't you?

1408
01:13:45.087 --> 01:13:47.338
I'm in love with a man
who just got married

1409
01:13:47.423 --> 01:13:49.715
and we're both pretending
that it's fine.

1410
01:13:50.050 --> 01:13:51.467
Tonight was so fucked-up!

1411
01:13:51.552 --> 01:13:52.927
Taxi!

1412
01:13:56.348 --> 01:13:58.891
No, no.
Uh, excuse me, excuse me. No.

1413
01:13:58.976 --> 01:14:00.768
No, no, no, you don't do that.

1414
01:14:00.853 --> 01:14:02.854
That's not how
decent people behave, is it?

1415
01:14:02.938 --> 01:14:05.231
How is society supposed to function

1416
01:14:05.315 --> 01:14:08.609
with people like you
dragging us into a cesspit?

1417
01:14:08.986 --> 01:14:10.361
Mmm? We're not animals!

1418
01:14:10.779 --> 01:14:13.948
- Sorry, we just didn't see you.
- Didn't realise it was your taxi.

1419
01:14:14.032 --> 01:14:16.200
- Please, take it.
- Take it, you can have it.

1420
01:14:16.285 --> 01:14:18.286
So sorry. I'm sorry.

1421
01:14:19.079 --> 01:14:20.371
What am I supposed to do?

1422
01:14:20.456 --> 01:14:23.040
I can't just walk out of a marriage
after nine months.

1423
01:14:23.125 --> 01:14:24.333
Why not?

1424
01:14:24.418 --> 01:14:27.336
Pride? Afraid of what people will say?

1425
01:14:28.297 --> 01:14:31.799
Figure out what you actually
want to fight for, Josh.

1426
01:14:32.217 --> 01:14:33.468
When I went to Africa,

1427
01:14:33.552 --> 01:14:36.012
I convinced myself
that we were too young

1428
01:14:36.096 --> 01:14:37.680
and somebody better would come along,

1429
01:14:37.764 --> 01:14:39.765
but they never did
and they still haven't.

1430
01:14:40.476 --> 01:14:43.895
And now, every time I see you, I think,

1431
01:14:43.979 --> 01:14:45.521
why didn't you stop me?

1432
01:14:46.607 --> 01:14:48.774
Why didn't you fight?

1433
01:14:52.446 --> 01:14:54.280
This has to stop.

1434
01:14:55.115 --> 01:14:57.200
I can't see you any more.

1435
01:14:58.243 --> 01:14:59.994
You're married.

1436
01:15:00.579 --> 01:15:04.123
I can't see you any more.

1437
01:15:17.888 --> 01:15:19.972
- Dinner and a show, was it?
- As it happens.

1438
01:15:20.057 --> 01:15:21.933
Yeah? Nice.

1439
01:15:22.017 --> 01:15:23.476
Sorry.

1440
01:15:41.411 --> 01:15:42.828
We need to talk.

1441
01:15:43.330 --> 01:15:45.373
We do, yeah.

1442
01:15:46.625 --> 01:15:48.626
I don't know what's happening here,

1443
01:15:49.378 --> 01:15:51.003
but it's been nine months

1444
01:15:52.172 --> 01:15:53.381
and neither of us is happy

1445
01:15:54.925 --> 01:15:56.509
and I don't know how to change things.

1446
01:15:56.843 --> 01:15:59.804
I just never imagined that marriage
would be this difficult, you know?

1447
01:16:01.765 --> 01:16:04.016
I don't want to be Hugh and Naomi.

1448
01:16:04.101 --> 01:16:06.602
I don't want to constantly row
over whether the bin's full or not.

1449
01:16:06.687 --> 01:16:09.105
I don't see what's wrong with compacting
the rubbish to make more space...

1450
01:16:09.189 --> 01:16:11.941
- I'm not rowing about the bin again.
- Neither am I.

1451
01:16:15.571 --> 01:16:19.949
Look, if you want to walk away,
I understand.

1452
01:16:20.993 --> 01:16:22.243
Well, is that what you want?

1453
01:16:22.703 --> 01:16:24.120
That's not what I'm saying.

1454
01:16:24.204 --> 01:16:25.871
Because it sounds like
you don't want to make it work.

1455
01:16:27.833 --> 01:16:29.083
Stop putting words into my mouth.

1456
01:16:29.167 --> 01:16:30.835
You're the one who said
marriage was difficult.

1457
01:16:31.044 --> 01:16:33.546
Yeah, but I didn't say anything
about walking away.

1458
01:16:34.673 --> 01:16:37.550
So, if you want to give up...

1459
01:16:38.719 --> 01:16:40.011
I'm not the one giving up.

1460
01:16:40.304 --> 01:16:41.637
Well, nor am I.

1461
01:16:42.222 --> 01:16:43.347
Well,

1462
01:16:43.473 --> 01:16:44.557
good.

1463
01:16:44.850 --> 01:16:46.684
That's good.

1464
01:16:50.772 --> 01:16:52.898
So what do we do?

1465
01:16:53.567 --> 01:16:55.735
So, that's why
we've come here today.

1466
01:16:56.570 --> 01:16:57.653
We've hit our low point,

1467
01:16:57.738 --> 01:17:01.282
but we're committed
to making our marriage succeed.

1468
01:17:03.368 --> 01:17:05.328
You should just cut your losses now

1469
01:17:05.412 --> 01:17:07.913
before your life
becomes a series of squabbles

1470
01:17:08.040 --> 01:17:10.082
about who's meant to pick the kids up,

1471
01:17:10.167 --> 01:17:15.212
who put the King's Speech DVD
back in the Sound of Music DVD case.

1472
01:17:15.672 --> 01:17:17.590
I suppose,
if you really want to make it work,

1473
01:17:17.716 --> 01:17:21.594
you could try focusing
on making it to a year.

1474
01:17:22.971 --> 01:17:26.182
Commit to a life with each other
for the next three months.

1475
01:17:49.998 --> 01:17:51.123
What is it?

1476
01:17:51.625 --> 01:17:53.542
Is it a film?

1477
01:17:53.627 --> 01:17:55.002
- How many words?
- Novel?

1478
01:17:55.087 --> 01:17:57.088
Well, you must know
how many words there are.

1479
01:17:57.172 --> 01:17:58.964
Sounds like?

1480
01:18:22.364 --> 01:18:24.865
I understand you're looking to sell.

1481
01:18:27.828 --> 01:18:29.495
I'm from Foxtons.

1482
01:18:43.385 --> 01:18:44.593
Boom, boom.

1483
01:19:16.084 --> 01:19:20.129
So, this time last year,
you'd been Mrs Moss for...

1484
01:19:20.213 --> 01:19:22.631
Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty...

1485
01:19:22.716 --> 01:19:24.675
...an hour and eight minutes.

1486
01:19:25.510 --> 01:19:27.636
We made it.

1487
01:19:28.180 --> 01:19:30.014
One year.

1488
01:19:31.141 --> 01:19:33.517
We should be proud of ourselves.

1489
01:19:38.523 --> 01:19:40.191
Ta-da.

1490
01:19:41.193 --> 01:19:45.362
I thought I'd bring out the big guns
for a special occasion.

1491
01:19:46.198 --> 01:19:48.532
- Could you help do me up?
- Yeah.

1492
01:19:59.419 --> 01:20:00.961
I think two of these hooks are broken.

1493
01:20:02.589 --> 01:20:04.507
- Oh. Really?
- Yeah, I think so.

1494
01:20:04.591 --> 01:20:09.094
- God. Um, let me fix it.
- All right.

1495
01:20:23.360 --> 01:20:26.237
Hon, I've just remembered
I've got to do something. Um...

1496
01:20:26.822 --> 01:20:29.907
I'll see you at the restaurant.
Tell Hugh and Naomi, okay?

1497
01:20:30.158 --> 01:20:33.619
Sure. I'll see you there.

1498
01:21:04.609 --> 01:21:07.236
You know, you haven't even
told me where we're going yet.

1499
01:21:08.113 --> 01:21:10.406
I wanted to surprise you.

1500
01:21:18.915 --> 01:21:21.792
Surprise!

1501
01:21:22.711 --> 01:21:23.794
What's going on?

1502
01:21:23.879 --> 01:21:25.629
I wanted to organise
a little party for you.

1503
01:21:25.922 --> 01:21:28.007
A year is a big achievement.

1504
01:21:28.091 --> 01:21:29.508
Where is your stupid husband?

1505
01:21:36.474 --> 01:21:38.517
Did you remember your passport?

1506
01:21:39.895 --> 01:21:41.186
Here.

1507
01:21:41.271 --> 01:21:42.938
Is this human trafficking?

1508
01:21:43.023 --> 01:21:46.108
You're not gonna keep it
and sell me to a gang of Albanians

1509
01:21:46.192 --> 01:21:48.402
who'll make me pleasure
25 truck drivers a day

1510
01:21:48.486 --> 01:21:51.572
at some port in Belgium
for me to earn it back, are you?

1511
01:21:51.656 --> 01:21:54.491
No, no. Absolutely not.

1512
01:21:55.160 --> 01:21:56.952
It's a terrible situation, though.

1513
01:21:57.662 --> 01:21:59.371
Those women...

1514
01:22:00.165 --> 01:22:04.793
I can't help but think they all just
started life as someone's little baby.

1515
01:22:07.547 --> 01:22:08.672
He's still not picking up.

1516
01:22:10.008 --> 01:22:11.133
He's never usually late.

1517
01:22:11.217 --> 01:22:13.636
God, can we start without him?
I'm starving.

1518
01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:15.179
We've been here forever.

1519
01:22:15.263 --> 01:22:17.514
I can't believe he's late
for our first-anniversary dinner.

1520
01:22:17.682 --> 01:22:19.058
I can't believe you even made it...

1521
01:22:19.142 --> 01:22:21.143
...to your first-anniversary dinner.

1522
01:22:21.686 --> 01:22:22.895
- What?
- Hmm?

1523
01:22:23.021 --> 01:22:24.021
Mmm?

1524
01:22:26.775 --> 01:22:31.028
Well, one year is pretty remarkable,

1525
01:22:31.237 --> 01:22:33.989
given that you two are completely
ill-suited for one another, isn't it?

1526
01:22:34.074 --> 01:22:35.950
I mean, no one thought
you were gonna make it a month,

1527
01:22:36.034 --> 01:22:37.076
much less a year.

1528
01:22:37.160 --> 01:22:38.202
Really?

1529
01:22:38.244 --> 01:22:40.913
I didn't actually think you'd make it
past the honeymoon, honestly.

1530
01:22:40.997 --> 01:22:42.289
I thought you'd fuck a Moroccan.

1531
01:22:42.374 --> 01:22:43.415
- Whoa.
- I really did.

1532
01:22:43.500 --> 01:22:44.500
And I wouldn't have blamed you

1533
01:22:44.584 --> 01:22:46.460
because they're very beguiling,
the Moroccans.

1534
01:22:46.544 --> 01:22:49.880
If you sort of like
the swarthy gentleman.

1535
01:22:50.215 --> 01:22:52.216
- Thanks. And no, I don't.
- That's not your thing?

1536
01:22:52.300 --> 01:22:54.134
- No.
- Ooh. A bit racist?

1537
01:22:54.219 --> 01:22:56.553
I bet you'd do it. You'd do it
with a foreign fellow, wouldn't you?

1538
01:22:56.972 --> 01:22:58.722
What about the Chinese fellows?

1539
01:22:58.848 --> 01:23:00.975
Because they've not got
a great reputation as lovers.

1540
01:23:01.059 --> 01:23:03.936
But they must be doing something right,
because there's billions of them.

1541
01:23:04.062 --> 01:23:05.854
You've got your Germans. Ach!
Very efficient.

1542
01:23:05.939 --> 01:23:09.066
Like
a machine, just...  In and out.

1543
01:23:09.192 --> 01:23:10.901
"I vill annex your vagina!

1544
01:23:10.986 --> 01:23:12.987
"And then Poland!"
No, forgive and forget.

1545
01:23:13.071 --> 01:23:14.655
But d'you know what?
I don't know about you,

1546
01:23:14.739 --> 01:23:17.199
I've never met someone
who's had sex with an Eskimo.

1547
01:23:17.283 --> 01:23:18.909
Be good, wouldn't it?
Because they'd start with the noses

1548
01:23:18.994 --> 01:23:21.078
and then they'd, ooh, get down,
you know, with the...

1549
01:23:21.871 --> 01:23:25.374
Do you think they do that down there?
Not using the... Just... On the nose.

1550
01:23:26.668 --> 01:23:28.419
I bet you've had a few of them, yeah.
And him.

1551
01:23:28.503 --> 01:23:29.670
No, good luck to you.

1552
01:23:30.755 --> 01:23:33.799
- Thanks.
- But, I mean, you did it. One year!

1553
01:23:33.883 --> 01:23:35.009
- Yay!
- Yay!

1554
01:23:35.093 --> 01:23:36.760
Don't you clap.

1555
01:23:37.679 --> 01:23:39.680
Go on, give that twat
of a husband another call.

1556
01:23:39.764 --> 01:23:40.848
Don't use your phone, use mine.

1557
01:23:40.932 --> 01:23:43.809
Because sometimes he avoids you if he
sees your name come up on the caller ID.

1558
01:24:22.932 --> 01:24:26.101
Oh, God. Happy anniversary!

1559
01:24:30.398 --> 01:24:32.399
Naomi arranged it.

1560
01:24:33.777 --> 01:24:35.569
Happy one year.

1561
01:24:36.404 --> 01:24:37.821
I need to tell you something, Nat.

1562
01:24:40.116 --> 01:24:42.326
I just think you're
the most incredible woman.

1563
01:24:42.619 --> 01:24:44.703
- Aw!
- How about that?

1564
01:24:44.788 --> 01:24:46.705
So beautiful.

1565
01:24:47.082 --> 01:24:50.042
And smart and bright and funny.

1566
01:24:50.794 --> 01:24:51.877
You're perfect.

1567
01:24:52.962 --> 01:24:55.297
- You're the perfect wife.
- Aw, sweet.

1568
01:24:58.635 --> 01:24:59.718
But just not for me.

1569
01:25:01.638 --> 01:25:04.014
I've waited my whole life
for the right girl to show up.

1570
01:25:04.432 --> 01:25:06.183
And it turns out that you weren't it.

1571
01:25:06.684 --> 01:25:09.853
I don't find the way that you crinkle
your nose when you laugh adorable,

1572
01:25:09.938 --> 01:25:11.230
the way you flick your hair,

1573
01:25:11.314 --> 01:25:12.815
- it's quite frankly irritating.
- Hear, hear.

1574
01:25:12.899 --> 01:25:14.900
I wanted to cherish
everything about you,

1575
01:25:14.984 --> 01:25:17.945
but it just didn't happen.

1576
01:25:20.198 --> 01:25:21.990
So I guess what I'm trying to say is...

1577
01:25:22.992 --> 01:25:24.535
Natasha Moss...

1578
01:25:25.995 --> 01:25:27.329
will you divorce me?

1579
01:25:29.666 --> 01:25:31.083
Yes.

1580
01:25:31.167 --> 01:25:33.752
Yes. Yes! I will!

1581
01:25:33.837 --> 01:25:35.587
- I absolutely will!
- That's so amazing!

1582
01:25:35.672 --> 01:25:37.422
- Do you really mean it?
- Absolutely!

1583
01:25:37.507 --> 01:25:40.592
I've been waiting for this moment
for months, hoping it would happen.

1584
01:25:40.677 --> 01:25:41.969
I can't believe that you asked me.

1585
01:25:42.053 --> 01:25:43.512
Why didn't you just say something, then?

1586
01:25:43.596 --> 01:25:46.515
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought it would break your heart.

1587
01:25:46.850 --> 01:25:50.227
You've made me the happiest woman
in the world.

1588
01:25:51.354 --> 01:25:52.396
I love you.

1589
01:25:52.730 --> 01:25:53.856
But you're not in love with me.

1590
01:25:53.940 --> 01:25:56.108
No! God, no.

1591
01:25:56.192 --> 01:25:58.068
Unequivocally not in love with you.

1592
01:25:58.444 --> 01:26:00.612
The opposite. The opposite of love.
Misery.

1593
01:26:00.697 --> 01:26:02.614
Me, too!

1594
01:26:03.366 --> 01:26:05.534
I can't believe
we felt the same for so long.

1595
01:26:05.618 --> 01:26:09.413
Well, listen,
now we have the rest of our lives

1596
01:26:09.789 --> 01:26:11.081
not to be together.

1597
01:26:14.169 --> 01:26:15.502
Cheers?

1598
01:26:15.587 --> 01:26:17.838
Look, this is amazing, it's magical.

1599
01:26:17.922 --> 01:26:19.089
It's better than I could
ever have imagined,

1600
01:26:19.174 --> 01:26:20.966
but there's somewhere else
that I really need to be right now.

1601
01:26:21.050 --> 01:26:23.177
Oh, go! Seriously, go.
Do you need money for a cab?

1602
01:26:23.261 --> 01:26:24.303
No, I'm all right, I'm in the car,

1603
01:26:24.387 --> 01:26:26.305
but it was a nightmare trying to park,
so I'm basically in a...

1604
01:26:26.389 --> 01:26:29.516
Oh, God, stop it. Stop it.
It's so boring.

1605
01:26:29.601 --> 01:26:31.310
- It's just, the car's in your name...
- It's so boring.

1606
01:26:31.394 --> 01:26:33.478
- We should sort that out, actually.
- It's so boring. I don't care.

1607
01:26:33.563 --> 01:26:35.647
- All right, but...
- Honestly. Just go.

1608
01:26:49.078 --> 01:26:51.914
I will never have to see you again.

1609
01:26:52.999 --> 01:26:54.499
Ever.

1610
01:26:59.589 --> 01:27:01.089
Taxi!

1611
01:27:17.148 --> 01:27:18.523
Ta-da!

1612
01:27:19.108 --> 01:27:20.692
Oh, wow!

1613
01:27:20.777 --> 01:27:23.320
I've always wanted to go to Aachen.

1614
01:27:25.323 --> 01:27:27.866
No, uh, we're going to Paris.

1615
01:27:27.992 --> 01:27:29.243
Paris.

1616
01:27:30.245 --> 01:27:33.205
Ah!  Okay. Joke!

1617
01:27:33.790 --> 01:27:35.332
- Yeah.
- Yeah!

1618
01:27:49.264 --> 01:27:51.265
- I'm thinking two kids.
- Oh!

1619
01:27:51.349 --> 01:27:54.226
- Guy Junior and Gaia.
- Wait! Wait, stop!

1620
01:27:55.311 --> 01:27:56.436
- Stand back.
- Oh, my God.

1621
01:27:57.814 --> 01:27:59.439
I can't be without you, Chloe.

1622
01:28:00.024 --> 01:28:01.608
I think about you
every second of the day.

1623
01:28:03.027 --> 01:28:04.152
I need to be with you.

1624
01:28:04.696 --> 01:28:05.946
And I know
you want to be with me as well.

1625
01:28:06.030 --> 01:28:07.197
What the hell are you doing?

1626
01:28:07.282 --> 01:28:09.741
You can't just turn up
and try and steal my girlfriend away.

1627
01:28:09.826 --> 01:28:11.994
You're married. You're a married man.

1628
01:28:12.036 --> 01:28:13.704
You should get out of here, creep.

1629
01:28:14.122 --> 01:28:15.122
I split up with Nat.

1630
01:28:15.206 --> 01:28:17.541
- You split up with Nat?
- You split up with Nat?

1631
01:28:17.917 --> 01:28:20.544
Ever since you came back into my life,
I've known that I had to be with you.

1632
01:28:22.547 --> 01:28:25.132
When I lie in bed,
I think about the way that you laugh.

1633
01:28:25.717 --> 01:28:28.760
I can't work because I can't stop
imagining our lives together.

1634
01:28:29.679 --> 01:28:33.181
You're everything
that I've ever wanted in a...

1635
01:28:34.726 --> 01:28:37.352
- Nat?!
- Josh? What...

1636
01:28:39.605 --> 01:28:41.481
What? What?

1637
01:28:41.691 --> 01:28:42.983
Okay, sorry.

1638
01:28:45.069 --> 01:28:48.363
Nat, we spoke about this, didn't we?

1639
01:28:48.906 --> 01:28:50.615
- It's not gonna work out.
- No, I, uh...

1640
01:28:50.700 --> 01:28:52.034
- Actually, I'm...
- I'm not gonna change my mind.

1641
01:28:52.160 --> 01:28:54.536
- I don't care what you say.
- I'm, uh...

1642
01:28:55.580 --> 01:28:58.165
- I'm not here to see you.
- What are you doing?

1643
01:28:58.583 --> 01:29:00.042
I'm actually not here to see you.

1644
01:29:00.126 --> 01:29:01.960
What do you mean,
you're not actually here to see me?

1645
01:29:02.920 --> 01:29:04.421
Him!

1646
01:29:04.797 --> 01:29:06.089
- Really?
- And you...

1647
01:29:06.466 --> 01:29:08.425
- Her, yeah.
- Her, of course.

1648
01:29:08.509 --> 01:29:09.968
You're perfect for each other.

1649
01:29:10.053 --> 01:29:13.138
And I always thought he was much more
the kind of guy that you should go for.

1650
01:29:13.222 --> 01:29:14.848
Do you remember when I said to you
when I was trying to...

1651
01:29:14.932 --> 01:29:16.516
Oh, I do remember that!
I remember when you said that,

1652
01:29:16.601 --> 01:29:18.185
and at the time, I agreed.

1653
01:29:18.311 --> 01:29:19.353
And I thought in my mind,

1654
01:29:19.437 --> 01:29:20.604
"I think he's right,
I should be with him."

1655
01:29:20.688 --> 01:29:23.482
That's what I wanted.

1656
01:29:23.566 --> 01:29:25.859
Ah! And here we are.

1657
01:29:26.235 --> 01:29:27.319
Here we are.

1658
01:29:28.029 --> 01:29:31.031
And where were you?
Had you been explaining

1659
01:29:31.115 --> 01:29:33.033
- the bit about us...
- Us breaking up, yeah.

1660
01:29:33.159 --> 01:29:35.369
I was just explaining to Chloe
why I was in love with her.

1661
01:29:37.497 --> 01:29:41.291
Okay, is it just me,
or is this unbelievably awkward?

1662
01:29:41.376 --> 01:29:42.542
Look at that.

1663
01:29:42.627 --> 01:29:44.461
She's got that dry sense of humour
that you like.

1664
01:29:44.545 --> 01:29:46.463
I mean, I just don't have that.

1665
01:29:46.547 --> 01:29:50.675
And this guy, forget about it.
Unbelievable.

1666
01:29:51.302 --> 01:29:53.470
Proper grade-A hunk.

1667
01:29:53.554 --> 01:29:55.013
I could just drink you in.

1668
01:29:55.598 --> 01:29:57.057
Thanks.

1669
01:29:58.643 --> 01:30:02.813
But this lady here,
she's incredible.

1670
01:30:03.731 --> 01:30:06.483
And you make her eyes light up
in a way that I never could.

1671
01:30:11.489 --> 01:30:13.490
Would you mind...

1672
01:30:13.574 --> 01:30:15.659
No, no, uh... please.

1673
01:30:16.411 --> 01:30:17.619
Would it be all right if I...

1674
01:30:17.703 --> 01:30:19.079
Of course.

1675
01:30:19.872 --> 01:30:21.289
Thank you.

1676
01:30:26.963 --> 01:30:28.422
- Thank you.
- Oh!

1677
01:30:28.506 --> 01:30:30.590
- That's nice.
- Sorry.

1678
01:30:32.343 --> 01:30:34.803
No, not you, we don't want to do that.

1679
01:30:34.887 --> 01:30:37.347
Never again. Come around this side.

1680
01:30:37.432 --> 01:30:39.099
Hi.

1681
01:30:45.982 --> 01:30:47.858
- This is a bit weird.
- This is weird, isn't it?

1682
01:30:47.942 --> 01:30:49.359
- Yeah.
- We'll go.

1683
01:30:49.444 --> 01:30:51.194
- Let's go over here.
- No, we'll go.

1684
01:31:38.534 --> 01:31:40.285
- Who had the chicken feet?
- I did.

1685
01:31:40.369 --> 01:31:41.870
You had the chicken feet.

1686
01:31:41.954 --> 01:31:44.247
- We didn't have a starter.
- No, no.

1687
01:31:44.332 --> 01:31:46.583
And we didn't have the champagne.

1688
01:31:46.667 --> 01:31:50.128
We spent £45,000
on a wedding to your prick son!

1689
01:31:50.213 --> 01:31:53.423
You can chip in
for a bit of fucking dim sum!

1690
01:32:23.120 --> 01:32:24.454
All right, pause, pause, pause.

1691
01:32:24.539 --> 01:32:25.580
I'll tell you what we'll do.

1692
01:32:25.665 --> 01:32:29.167
We'll make a list of
pros and cons, right, of Nat.

1693
01:32:29.252 --> 01:32:33.296
Pros. Number one, body.

1694
01:32:33.381 --> 01:32:36.299
Excellent. I've seen it nude, loved it.

1695
01:32:36.384 --> 01:32:38.093
I beg your pardon?
When have you seen it nude?

1696
01:32:38.386 --> 01:32:40.804
Well, when we were
down in that place in Cornwall,

1697
01:32:40.888 --> 01:32:42.681
I sort of walked in
when she was getting changed.

1698
01:32:42.765 --> 01:32:44.140
- What do you mean, you walked in...
- "Accidentally."

1699
01:32:44.225 --> 01:32:46.434
- What's that? What's that?
- Hey, listen, I'll tell you,

1700
01:32:46.519 --> 01:32:49.729
you lock your door
or these peepers will come a-roving.

1701
01:32:49.897 --> 01:32:52.732
All right, mate? That's the way I roll.

1702
01:32:52.817 --> 01:32:54.484
You know that, she should know that.

1703
01:32:54.569 --> 01:32:56.861
What about that she's, um...

1704
01:32:58.114 --> 01:32:59.656
- Kind...
- Boring.

1705
01:32:59.740 --> 01:33:01.324
...and warm.

1706
01:33:01.409 --> 01:33:03.368
Warm?
Put the radiator on if you want warm.

1707
01:33:03.452 --> 01:33:05.453
And, um, good with kids.

1708
01:33:05.580 --> 01:33:07.747
So was Michael Jackson.
Look at that marriage. It didn't last.

1709
01:33:09.417 --> 01:33:10.417
Yeah, but I love her.

1710
01:33:10.501 --> 01:33:12.002
- Love.
- Well, I do.

1711
01:33:12.086 --> 01:33:13.295
Yeah, sounds a bit gay.

1712
01:33:13.754 --> 01:33:15.005
We can get back out there like the lads.

1713
01:33:15.089 --> 01:33:17.507
Like the old days, you know?
The Terrible Two.

1714
01:33:17.592 --> 01:33:18.592
Do you know what I mean?

1715
01:33:18.676 --> 01:33:20.510
"Lock up your daughters.
And your mothers."

1716
01:33:20.595 --> 01:33:21.845
I'm not fussy.

1717
01:33:22.179 --> 01:33:24.222
Every time I open my mouth
when I'm around her, she's like,

1718
01:33:24.307 --> 01:33:26.474
"No, don't say that.
You can't say that.

1719
01:33:26.559 --> 01:33:27.601
"You can't do that.

1720
01:33:27.935 --> 01:33:30.854
"Put your trousers on! Put your
trousers on! We're in a restaurant!"

1721
01:33:30.938 --> 01:33:33.189
- Oh, shut up.
- Well, she's...

1722
01:37:02.441 --> 01:37:04.442