WEBVTT FILE
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[silence]
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¶¶ [jazz]
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AARON: If you wanna be
successful with women,
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you have to overcome fear.
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Fear of rejection,
fear of embarrassment,
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fear of inadequacy, whatever.
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You can't be afraid.
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As a rule, if I look back...
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and she looks back, too...
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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I'm Aaron.
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The intro is important.
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But follow-up is everything.
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A lot of guys wait
two or three days to call.
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I think that's stupid.
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Women wanna feel wanted.
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I call 'em that day.
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Hey, sweetheart, it's Aaron.
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We met earlier today.
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I take 'em to my favorite spot
right away.
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Never the movies.
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You want their attention
on you,
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not some jackass movie star.
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Good conversation is important,
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but making 'em laugh
is even more important.
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But to close the deal,
you gotta make it sexy.
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And I know all about
making it sexy.
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I work in advertising,
which is all about seduction.
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You have to seduce people to
wanna buy what you're selling,
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and I'm good at what I do.
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Very good at what I do.
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I find most women
give it up on the first date.
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Of course, they always
give the disclaimer.
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I never did it this fast
with anybody before.
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That means she always
gives it up fast.
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I just go along with it.
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I feel so honored.
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The worst part is afterwards
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when you just want 'em
to go home.
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Hey, sweetheart.
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Let's get you home, okay?
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Don't want you
driving home too late.
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That was amazing.
You're amazing.
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Legs behind the head thing
was mind-blowing. I mean...
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Sorry. I just have
to get up early.
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Got a presentation.
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These are really cute.
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So are you. Um...
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Call me. Make sure
you got home okay.
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Okay.
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And no, I don't hate women.
I love women.
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I just don't fall in love
with women.
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I live a very blessed life.
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I'm in my mid-30s,
I got a great job,
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no wife and no kids.
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And I damn sure don't feel
like I'm missing out
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on the whole
wife and kids thing.
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Don't get me wrong.
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I don't have anything
against that lifestyle.
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It's just not for me.
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[no audible dialogue]
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..9231.
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- Got it. Talk to you soon.
- Talk to you soon.
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But I'm getting ahead
of myself.
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I'm on my way to meet Kayla,
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and I'm trying to figure out
how to tell her.
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As many times
as I've done this,
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you'd think it'd be easy.
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But Kayla's different.
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I really like her.
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I met Kayla
walking down the street, too.
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Well, I didn't
actually meet her.
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But that's the first time
I saw her.
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And when I saw her again,
I knew I had to make a move.
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Hi, I'm Aaron.
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Of course
I didn't wait to call.
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I probably called Kayla faster
than I've ever called anybody.
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Hey, Kayla, how you doin'?
It's Aaron.
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We met about 35 minutes ago.
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We went to the spot
for dinner and all that,
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but it was different.
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Kayla was easier to talk to
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than anybody
I've ever gone out with.
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I mean, I genuinely
had a good time.
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Shit, she was making me laugh.
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Of course,
I put the sexy on her.
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But she put
even more sexy on me.
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I was sure Kayla would
give it up on our first night.
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After all,
most women do, right?
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Instead, we ended up laughing
and talking all night.
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Even though
she didn't give it up,
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I let her crash
for the entire night.
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What the fuck
was wrong with me?
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I even let her
stay for breakfast.
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Next thing I knew,
we were hanging out.
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And I have to be honest.
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I hadn't had this much fun
since I was a kid.
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But she still didn't
give it up.
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I couldn't believe
I was just letting it happen.
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The more I got to know Kayla,
the more I got to like her.
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She had a lot of
good qualities.
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She had a great job
at an accounting firm,
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she had her own place,
she was single, no kids,
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she wasn't crazy,
she worked out,
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she didn't smoke
but she liked to drink,
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she listened to jazz
and reggae,
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she watched sports,
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she didn't go to church,
but she believed in God,
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she liked dirty jokes,
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and most importantly,
she was really smart.
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Checkmate.
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Really, really smart.
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Trust me when I tell you,
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when she finally gave it up,
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it was worth the wait.
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It was weird.
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Even when I wasn't with her,
I was thinking about her.
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What the fuck
was wrong with me?
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That was when I realized
the time had come.
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Hey.
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How was your day?
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It was okay.
How was yours?
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Fantastic. Even better now
that I saw you, cutie pie.
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So you all ready for tonight?
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Yeah, we got everything
delegated and planned out.
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It should be a good time.
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I bet.
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Kayla, there's...
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There's something I wanted
to talk to you about.
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Yeah, there's something
I need to tell you, too.
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You first.
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Okay. Um...
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Well, I...
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don't really know
how to say this, so I...
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I guess I'll just say it.
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I got a job offer in Chicago.
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It's with the same company
doing the same job
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for the same amount of money.
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I put in for a transfer
a couple months back
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because, I don't know,
I guess I just wanted a change.
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That was before I met you.
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I don't have to take the job.
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I just basically wanted
to run it by you to...
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see what you thought
before I made a decision.
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Trust me, I'm not trying to put
any pressure or cables on you.
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Just wanna know
what you thought.
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So what do you think?
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I think you should take it.
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- You do?
- Hell yeah!
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Chicago is a great city.
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Maybe a change is just
what you need right now.
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If I had a chance
to move to Chicago,
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I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Hell yeah!
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Thanks for being
so supportive.
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So what did you
want to tell me?
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Oh, you know,
it was nothing.
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I forgot it already.
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But I am so stoked
to hear about Chicago.
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I mean, you are so lucky!
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Maybe I can even
come visit you sometime.
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Hell yeah.
Sorry to cut this short.
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I'd better go
and give my notice.
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You guys have fun tonight.
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- Congrats again, gorgeous.
- Thanks.
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You know what, Aaron?
I was really hoping
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that when I told you
I was thinking about leaving
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that you would say to me
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you would slit your wrists
with a butter knife
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or drown yourself in a puddle
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or throw yourself in front of
a speeding yellow school bus!
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Guess I was wrong.
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You are a really
great guy, Aaron.
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You need to stop
being so afraid.
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Afraid of what?
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For some strange reason,
I have an urge to go after her.
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But it's getting late,
and I gotta pick up Sean.
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[horn honking]
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[horn honking]
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Oh, oh!
One second, asshole!
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And quit honking the goddamn
horn in front of my house!
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You knew I was coming,
motherfucker! Hurry up!
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[door slams]
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Sean and I have always had
a great relationship.
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We've been best friends
since the fourth grade
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when I used to get shaken down
for my milk money
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by Biff Bartowski.
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Sean used to get
shaken down by Biff, too,
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so we decided to join forces...
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and get shaken down together.
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Even then,
we made a great team.
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Finally, when our balls
got a little bigger,
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we beat the shit
out of Biff Bartowski.
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We've been best buds
ever since,
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all through elementary school,
high school,
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college roommates,
joined at the fuckin' hip.
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Most of all,
we were into girls.
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Lots and lots and lots
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and lots of girls.
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Sean and I always
worked as a team.
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Sean's an engineer.
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Although his job isn't
quite as sexy as mine,
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he's good at what he does.
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Very good at what he does.
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Sean and I vowed
to never, ever settle down.
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Unfortunately,
the rest of the fellas
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were dropping like flies.
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I swear, every month
I got another invite
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for another guy's wedding.
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It was like getting
their obituary.
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And after our friends
were married,
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they were never the same.
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It was like they were suffering
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from post-traumatic
stress disorder.
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Sean and I were gonna
live the fun life.
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We gonna love them ho's!
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Forever.
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Ah!
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Until one night...
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Sean met Irene.
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¶¶ [romantic]
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Sean took Irene to dinner,
kept her laughing,
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blah, blah, blah.
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But the idiot forgot
his wallet and cell phone.
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Turns out Irene only had
seven bucks herself.
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[record scratches]
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To make a long story short,
Irene washed and Sean dried.
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I'll say this about Irene:
She must've really liked Sean
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because she
went out with him again.
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And again and again and again.
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Sean had fallen in love.
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I'm not a hater,
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but I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't a little...
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disappointed.
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What?
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Now come the bad times.
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About six months ago--
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God, I don't even
wanna say it--
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Sean proposed to Irene.
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Of course she said yes.
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Believe me, I tried to talk
some sense into him,
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but Sean being Sean
wasn't trying to hear it.
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And now his dumb ass
is getting married.
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Tomorrow.
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[car horn honking]
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You motherfucker.
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Gross, gross.
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I've been trying to talk Sean
out of this marriage madness
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since he first proposed.
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I've tried everything.
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You gonna come up for oxygen
anytime soon?
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No? Okay.
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Tonight is my last chance
to save my best friend
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- from eternal damnation.
- Bye, honey!
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- We miss you!
- Bye, babe!
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00:15:57.757 --> 00:16:01.759
Desperate circumstances
call for desperate measures.
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I can't fuckin' stand her.
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She's driving me crazy over
not having enough goddamn chairs
258
00:16:06.032 --> 00:16:07.131
for the reception.
259
00:16:07.133 --> 00:16:08.800
Goddamn fuckin' chairs!
260
00:16:08.802 --> 00:16:10.735
It looks like you have a lot
to look forward to
261
00:16:10.737 --> 00:16:12.971
getting married there, buddy!
262
00:16:12.973 --> 00:16:15.039
[groans]
263
00:16:15.041 --> 00:16:18.376
So is loverboy ready
for tonight, huh? Huh?
264
00:16:18.378 --> 00:16:19.877
Without a fuckin' doubt.
265
00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:21.579
Yeah, bullshit.
266
00:16:21.581 --> 00:16:23.848
Oh, you'll see.
Tonight old Sean is back.
267
00:16:23.850 --> 00:16:25.183
I just hope
you're steppin' up your game.
268
00:16:25.185 --> 00:16:27.318
Oh, don't worry about me,
Kemosabe.
269
00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:30.855
You just let me do
what I do.
270
00:16:30.857 --> 00:16:32.256
So where are we headin'?
271
00:16:34.995 --> 00:16:35.994
Floyd's.
272
00:16:35.996 --> 00:16:38.429
- [engine starts]
- Floyd's.
273
00:16:38.431 --> 00:16:40.365
Get the fuck outta here.
274
00:16:40.367 --> 00:16:42.266
You get the fuck
outta here.
275
00:16:42.268 --> 00:16:44.669
We met Floyd in college.
276
00:16:44.671 --> 00:16:48.006
Floyd has always been
just like he is now:
277
00:16:48.008 --> 00:16:50.708
straight-laced,
God-fearing, organized,
278
00:16:50.710 --> 00:16:53.644
responsible, nervous
and uptight.
279
00:16:53.646 --> 00:16:56.214
But if you really wanna
understand Floyd,
280
00:16:56.216 --> 00:17:00.084
we have to first talk
about his wife Joy.
281
00:17:01.688 --> 00:17:03.521
Floyd met Joy
right out of college.
282
00:17:03.523 --> 00:17:06.824
If you ask me, she basically
strong-armed Floyd to marry her
283
00:17:06.826 --> 00:17:09.460
'cause she knew Floyd
would be a good partner.
284
00:17:09.462 --> 00:17:12.196
She and Floyd made a lot
of dough doing real estate,
285
00:17:12.198 --> 00:17:14.632
even though Floyd
does all the work
286
00:17:14.634 --> 00:17:18.736
and Joy takes all the credit.
287
00:17:18.738 --> 00:17:21.539
Joy really cracks
the whip on Floyd, too.
288
00:17:22.709 --> 00:17:24.842
We've seen her
grab him by the collar
289
00:17:24.844 --> 00:17:27.545
and shake him like
she was his mama.
290
00:17:32.619 --> 00:17:34.285
The company is in her name,
291
00:17:34.287 --> 00:17:37.555
the house, the cars,
the bank account.
292
00:17:37.557 --> 00:17:39.524
She even--
[chuckles]
293
00:17:39.526 --> 00:17:42.193
I shouldn't laugh
because it's pretty bad.
294
00:17:42.195 --> 00:17:45.730
She even gives Floyd
an allowance.
295
00:17:48.568 --> 00:17:50.635
Poor Floyd.
296
00:17:52.839 --> 00:17:55.006
Luckily, Joy's out of town
for the weekend.
297
00:17:55.008 --> 00:17:57.008
Took me forever
to convince Floyd
298
00:17:57.010 --> 00:17:59.710
to let me host the bachelor
party at his place.
299
00:17:59.712 --> 00:18:01.579
It had to be somewhere special.
300
00:18:01.581 --> 00:18:03.714
- Floyd!
- Hey, Floyd!
301
00:18:03.716 --> 00:18:05.716
I promised Floyd
it would just be Sean
302
00:18:05.718 --> 00:18:07.418
and his six groomsmen.
303
00:18:07.420 --> 00:18:08.920
I mean, come on.
304
00:18:08.922 --> 00:18:11.122
How out of control
could that possibly get?
305
00:18:11.124 --> 00:18:13.591
Yeah!
306
00:18:13.593 --> 00:18:15.760
Floyd!
307
00:18:15.762 --> 00:18:17.061
I'm shutting it down, Aaron.
308
00:18:17.063 --> 00:18:18.830
We are already off
to a very bad start.
309
00:18:18.832 --> 00:18:20.832
A very, very, very, very,
very bad start.
310
00:18:20.834 --> 00:18:25.169
Okay, Floyd, take a deep breath
and calm the fuck down.
311
00:18:25.171 --> 00:18:27.839
[exhales]
312
00:18:27.841 --> 00:18:30.708
We agreed! No drugs!
[echoing]
313
00:18:30.710 --> 00:18:32.276
SEAN: What are you
talking about?
314
00:18:32.278 --> 00:18:34.245
Your convict cousin is--
315
00:18:34.247 --> 00:18:35.980
He's brought drugs
into my house,
316
00:18:35.982 --> 00:18:38.216
and he's preparing
to do them as we speak!
317
00:18:38.218 --> 00:18:39.851
Oh, shit,
Jesse's already here?
318
00:18:39.853 --> 00:18:42.120
- I'm sure it's just weed.
- Just weed?
319
00:18:42.122 --> 00:18:44.155
Yeah, in fact, maybe you
should smoke some. It'll...
320
00:18:44.157 --> 00:18:45.923
[whistles]
321
00:18:46.993 --> 00:18:49.460
Stay cool.
I'll take care of it.
322
00:18:49.462 --> 00:18:51.229
No, I can't stay cool!
323
00:18:53.166 --> 00:18:56.033
Aw, perfect.
324
00:18:57.737 --> 00:18:59.470
Who's here?
325
00:18:59.472 --> 00:19:01.973
Harold. It's Harold!
326
00:19:01.975 --> 00:19:04.275
How you doin', Harold?
327
00:19:04.277 --> 00:19:06.244
Harold is another buddy
from college.
328
00:19:06.246 --> 00:19:09.747
Harold's got a wife, two kids,
and a big job at a bank.
329
00:19:09.749 --> 00:19:11.315
Overall, he's a great guy.
330
00:19:11.317 --> 00:19:14.185
But Harold has
a serious problem.
331
00:19:14.187 --> 00:19:18.322
Porno flicks, cybersex,
porn magazines, strip clubs.
332
00:19:18.324 --> 00:19:20.291
You name it,
Harold's into it.
333
00:19:20.293 --> 00:19:23.828
Harold is one of those guys
who doesn't mind spending.
334
00:19:23.830 --> 00:19:25.496
And he never wants to go home.
335
00:19:25.498 --> 00:19:30.001
I mean, he never, ever, ever,
ever wants to go home.
336
00:19:30.003 --> 00:19:33.938
But if you went home with
Harold and saw his wife,
337
00:19:33.940 --> 00:19:35.473
you might understand.
338
00:19:35.475 --> 00:19:38.009
I don't like
to call people ugly,
339
00:19:38.011 --> 00:19:41.445
but Harold's wife
is fucking hideous.
340
00:19:41.447 --> 00:19:43.948
And God forgive me
for saying this:
341
00:19:43.950 --> 00:19:45.950
Even the kids are ugly.
342
00:19:45.952 --> 00:19:49.020
I can honestly say
that tonight's event
343
00:19:49.022 --> 00:19:52.056
means more to Harold
than anybody.
344
00:19:52.058 --> 00:19:54.692
And he's not even
the one getting married.
345
00:19:54.694 --> 00:19:58.462
Maybe you could come
socialize, huh?
346
00:19:58.464 --> 00:20:00.131
Hey, guys.
347
00:20:00.934 --> 00:20:02.633
STANLEY: This is bullshit!
348
00:20:02.635 --> 00:20:04.569
That chick I met
on ChristianMingle?
349
00:20:04.571 --> 00:20:06.704
Lesbian.
350
00:20:06.706 --> 00:20:10.841
Then I spent all my goddamn
money on this goddamn liquor.
351
00:20:10.843 --> 00:20:12.977
Fuckin' in debt
'cause of that monkey suit.
352
00:20:12.979 --> 00:20:16.914
This is bullshit, man!
This is bullshit!
353
00:20:16.916 --> 00:20:19.884
Stanley is Sean's older
and only brother.
354
00:20:19.886 --> 00:20:21.686
I call Stanley
the ultimate pessimist
355
00:20:21.688 --> 00:20:24.488
because he has to be the most
negative motherfucker
356
00:20:24.490 --> 00:20:25.957
to ever walk the planet.
357
00:20:25.959 --> 00:20:28.259
He sees the negative side
of everything,
358
00:20:28.261 --> 00:20:31.429
especially
when it comes to Sean.
359
00:20:32.599 --> 00:20:34.632
- Freeze!
- Ohh!
360
00:20:34.634 --> 00:20:39.837
Shit! Just the motherfucker
I wanna see. What's up, man?
361
00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:41.806
You ready to tie the knot
tomorrow, cousin?
362
00:20:41.808 --> 00:20:43.641
You mean get sentenced?
363
00:20:43.643 --> 00:20:45.743
Hey, man, you're lookin' good.
It's a slick shirt, cousin.
364
00:20:45.745 --> 00:20:48.212
That's the ugliest fuckin'
shirt I've ever seen.
365
00:20:48.214 --> 00:20:51.282
- You deal with that.
- Thank you, Stanley.
366
00:20:51.284 --> 00:20:53.584
According to Sean, Stanley's
only been remotely happy
367
00:20:53.586 --> 00:20:55.152
one time in his life.
368
00:20:55.154 --> 00:20:58.422
Supposedly, this is
a true fuckin' story.
369
00:20:58.424 --> 00:21:00.625
Stanley had just
gotten married.
370
00:21:00.627 --> 00:21:02.927
He thought his wife was
the most wonderful woman
371
00:21:02.929 --> 00:21:05.263
on the entire goddamn planet.
372
00:21:06.633 --> 00:21:09.233
Stanley was actually in love.
373
00:21:10.470 --> 00:21:11.836
But that night,
374
00:21:11.838 --> 00:21:15.072
a demon killed Stanley's wife
375
00:21:15.074 --> 00:21:16.641
and took over her body.
376
00:21:16.643 --> 00:21:18.442
[roars]
377
00:21:30.056 --> 00:21:34.558
From that point on,
Stanley lived with a demon.
378
00:21:34.560 --> 00:21:38.796
The demon eventually divorced
Stanley and took everything.
379
00:21:38.798 --> 00:21:41.065
He's got three kids
the demon won't let him see,
380
00:21:41.067 --> 00:21:42.967
but he pays child support for.
381
00:21:42.969 --> 00:21:45.836
He's got a bullshit job where
he's overworked and underpaid.
382
00:21:45.838 --> 00:21:48.039
He's in debt,
the IRS is on his ass,
383
00:21:48.041 --> 00:21:50.775
he's got high blood pressure.
384
00:21:50.777 --> 00:21:54.779
I could go on,
but it's all bad.
385
00:21:54.781 --> 00:21:58.449
Sean wanted his big brother
to be his best man.
386
00:21:58.451 --> 00:22:00.318
But I don't think
Stanley felt too honored.
387
00:22:00.320 --> 00:22:03.220
I can't afford this.
This party is costing me
388
00:22:03.222 --> 00:22:05.856
an arm and
three fuckin' legs, man!
389
00:22:05.858 --> 00:22:07.858
I always feel kinda sorry
for Stanley.
390
00:22:07.860 --> 00:22:09.560
It has to be shitty
to go through life
391
00:22:09.562 --> 00:22:13.364
always seeing and expecting
the bad in everything.
392
00:22:13.366 --> 00:22:15.399
I'm probably
gonna get cancer...
393
00:22:15.401 --> 00:22:17.468
in my cock.
394
00:22:17.470 --> 00:22:19.804
Hey, man,
I've been waitin' on you.
395
00:22:19.806 --> 00:22:23.774
The man of honor
gets the first puff.
396
00:22:25.445 --> 00:22:26.977
Yeah, boy.
397
00:22:26.979 --> 00:22:29.747
Jesse is
Sean's favorite cousin.
398
00:22:29.749 --> 00:22:31.315
I guess you can say that...
399
00:22:31.317 --> 00:22:34.952
Jesse is a little on
the other side of the law.
400
00:22:34.954 --> 00:22:38.055
Jesse's done some bad things.
401
00:22:38.958 --> 00:22:41.559
[man shouting]
402
00:22:42.829 --> 00:22:45.096
Some really bad things.
403
00:22:46.499 --> 00:22:49.467
And he's been locked up
more than a few times.
404
00:22:49.469 --> 00:22:53.604
But despite his rap sheet,
Jesse has a heart of gold.
405
00:22:53.606 --> 00:22:56.841
Fortunately, Jesse was
released just in time
406
00:22:56.843 --> 00:22:58.409
to be a groomsman
in the wedding.
407
00:22:58.411 --> 00:23:00.211
Hey, man,
you take care of that?
408
00:23:00.213 --> 00:23:03.714
Oh, yeah, man, for sure.
Butterfly's bringing her girls.
409
00:23:03.716 --> 00:23:05.916
Butterfly?
410
00:23:05.918 --> 00:23:07.518
Butterfly is Jesse's wife,
411
00:23:07.520 --> 00:23:10.020
and she's just as tough
as Jesse.
412
00:23:10.022 --> 00:23:13.023
Butterfly's done
some bad things.
413
00:23:14.594 --> 00:23:15.993
[woman shouting]
414
00:23:17.430 --> 00:23:20.097
Some really bad things.
415
00:23:20.099 --> 00:23:22.032
But whenever Jesse
gets locked up,
416
00:23:22.034 --> 00:23:23.501
Butterfly writes him letters,
417
00:23:23.503 --> 00:23:25.970
keeps money on his books
and visits him.
418
00:23:25.972 --> 00:23:27.571
Even I have to admit,
419
00:23:27.573 --> 00:23:31.342
Jesse and Butterfly
are perfect for each other.
420
00:23:31.344 --> 00:23:34.645
One of Butterfly's many
hustles is managing strippers.
421
00:23:34.647 --> 00:23:38.416
According to Jesse,
she's got real quality product.
422
00:23:38.418 --> 00:23:40.751
- Fuckin' A!
- [Jesse laughs]
423
00:23:40.753 --> 00:23:42.620
Yeah, man, she's got
a batch of 'em comin'.
424
00:23:42.622 --> 00:23:44.588
But listen,
Butterfly don't take no shit
425
00:23:44.590 --> 00:23:46.190
when it comes to clients
messin' with her girls.
426
00:23:46.192 --> 00:23:47.892
Don't worry about it, man.
Listen.
427
00:23:47.894 --> 00:23:49.393
We're all respectable men.
428
00:23:49.395 --> 00:23:51.228
- It's all good.
- All right.
429
00:23:51.230 --> 00:23:52.530
Let's have a good night then.
430
00:23:52.532 --> 00:23:54.765
Wait a minute!
Aaron, what is he doing?
431
00:23:54.767 --> 00:23:56.400
Floyd, listen.
Hey, listen.
432
00:23:56.402 --> 00:23:58.669
Nobody is going
to jail, okay?
433
00:23:58.671 --> 00:24:01.639
- But we agreed. No drugs!
- It's just marijuana.
434
00:24:01.641 --> 00:24:03.474
Besides, it's medicinal.
It's fine.
435
00:24:03.476 --> 00:24:04.975
[doorbell rings]
436
00:24:04.977 --> 00:24:09.480
Listen, I'm gonna get that.
You just sit down right here.
437
00:24:09.482 --> 00:24:12.483
Relax and, uh...
438
00:24:12.485 --> 00:24:14.618
inhale.
439
00:24:14.620 --> 00:24:16.320
Yeah, there you go.
440
00:24:16.322 --> 00:24:18.122
Don't forget to lock the door!
441
00:24:18.124 --> 00:24:21.358
- Hey, you wanna hit this shit?
- No!
442
00:24:21.360 --> 00:24:23.594
I was really hoping
Miles could make it.
443
00:24:23.596 --> 00:24:25.863
It's been a minute
since we've seen him.
444
00:24:25.865 --> 00:24:27.498
We're all so damn proud of him.
445
00:24:27.500 --> 00:24:31.769
We get excited whenever
we get a chance to see--
446
00:24:31.771 --> 00:24:32.870
Gus?
447
00:24:32.872 --> 00:24:34.905
The one and only.
448
00:24:34.907 --> 00:24:36.207
Gus wasn't invited.
449
00:24:36.209 --> 00:24:38.275
Now surely
you assholes know
450
00:24:38.277 --> 00:24:41.278
that a party ain't a party
without the Gus-Man, right?
451
00:24:41.280 --> 00:24:43.280
How did you know
we were here?
452
00:24:43.282 --> 00:24:46.417
Hey, you never know
what to expect from ol' Gus.
453
00:24:46.419 --> 00:24:49.820
Guess that's what makes me
such an outstanding person.
454
00:24:49.822 --> 00:24:51.322
[spits]
455
00:24:52.625 --> 00:24:55.860
Whoo! Yes!
456
00:24:55.862 --> 00:24:58.362
It reminds me of that game
against Mount Vernon High.
457
00:24:58.364 --> 00:24:59.797
You remember that game, right?
458
00:24:59.799 --> 00:25:02.399
Sean and I know Gus
from high school.
459
00:25:02.401 --> 00:25:04.368
Most people don't like Gus.
460
00:25:04.370 --> 00:25:07.605
To be honest, I'm not
too crazy about him myself.
461
00:25:07.607 --> 00:25:08.906
And I smashed that puck
462
00:25:08.908 --> 00:25:10.641
right through
that goalie's five-hole.
463
00:25:10.643 --> 00:25:12.643
Gus has a lot of
unlikeable qualities.
464
00:25:12.645 --> 00:25:15.379
For instance, he's always
talking about himself.
465
00:25:15.381 --> 00:25:17.648
Always trying to be
the center of attention.
466
00:25:17.650 --> 00:25:20.384
I'm just the type of person
whose light is so bright,
467
00:25:20.386 --> 00:25:22.586
it's kinda hard to be around me,
you know what I mean?
468
00:25:22.588 --> 00:25:24.788
I'm the type of person who
women just find themselves...
469
00:25:24.790 --> 00:25:27.658
And always using
big words out of context.
470
00:25:27.660 --> 00:25:30.194
Because my style,
it's irrevocable, you know?
471
00:25:30.196 --> 00:25:32.530
It's ubiquitous to
my atmospheric surroundings.
472
00:25:32.532 --> 00:25:35.232
But before you
pass judgment on Gus,
473
00:25:35.234 --> 00:25:36.834
you have to understand
what helped mold him
474
00:25:36.836 --> 00:25:39.470
into the asshole he is today.
475
00:25:39.472 --> 00:25:42.273
Although this might
be hard to believe,
476
00:25:42.275 --> 00:25:45.209
Gus used to be the shit.
477
00:25:45.211 --> 00:25:46.610
When we were in high school,
478
00:25:46.612 --> 00:25:48.646
Gus was the number one
hockey player.
479
00:25:48.648 --> 00:25:51.882
Everybody thought he was
gonna go pro, especially Gus,
480
00:25:51.884 --> 00:25:55.853
but his fucked-up attitude
fucked up everything.
481
00:25:55.855 --> 00:25:57.388
Now, 20 years later,
482
00:25:57.390 --> 00:25:59.290
he's still trying
to convince everybody
483
00:25:59.292 --> 00:26:00.724
how great he still is.
484
00:26:00.726 --> 00:26:02.626
Oh ho ho ho ho!
485
00:26:02.628 --> 00:26:07.498
Look who's in
the motherfucking hittee!
486
00:26:07.500 --> 00:26:08.299
Hey, hey!
487
00:26:08.301 --> 00:26:10.467
Who in the heck is this guy?
488
00:26:10.469 --> 00:26:14.305
I don't know him.
He's not one of the groomsmen.
489
00:26:14.307 --> 00:26:15.906
Why is he in my house?
490
00:26:15.908 --> 00:26:17.508
Uh, I'm Gus.
491
00:26:17.510 --> 00:26:19.643
Surely you've heard
Aaron and Sean tell stories
492
00:26:19.645 --> 00:26:22.580
about my glory days
in high school, hello?
493
00:26:22.582 --> 00:26:24.582
I was the shit, no?
494
00:26:24.584 --> 00:26:26.183
Never heard of you, Gus.
495
00:26:26.185 --> 00:26:28.319
Now, would you please
get out of my house?
496
00:26:28.321 --> 00:26:31.822
Gus, this was sort of
an invite-only kinda thing.
497
00:26:31.824 --> 00:26:35.526
Oh, no, no, that's cool.
I invited myself, yeah.
498
00:26:35.528 --> 00:26:38.395
Will somebody
please tell this guy
499
00:26:38.397 --> 00:26:40.664
that a party ain't a party
without the Gus-man?
500
00:26:40.666 --> 00:26:43.000
Hello, hello!
[laughs]
501
00:26:43.002 --> 00:26:47.304
I'm here to see my boy Sean
bitin' the poison apple!
502
00:26:47.306 --> 00:26:50.774
[laughs]
503
00:26:50.776 --> 00:26:53.410
Gus, if you don't leave,
504
00:26:53.412 --> 00:26:56.080
I'll be forced
to call the police.
505
00:26:56.082 --> 00:26:58.115
Is he forced to
call the police?
506
00:26:58.117 --> 00:27:00.751
Man, fuck the police!
507
00:27:00.753 --> 00:27:02.453
I ain't afraid of no popos!
508
00:27:02.455 --> 00:27:05.122
My heart don't pump
no Kool-Aid!
509
00:27:05.124 --> 00:27:06.590
Besides, cops wanted me.
510
00:27:06.592 --> 00:27:08.192
They were begging me
to join their ranks,
511
00:27:08.194 --> 00:27:09.727
They were begging me to join,
512
00:27:09.729 --> 00:27:13.464
but then I realized
I'm too law-abiding to be a cop.
513
00:27:13.466 --> 00:27:17.234
[laughs]
514
00:27:17.236 --> 00:27:18.402
Follow me on that one.
515
00:27:18.404 --> 00:27:20.270
Okay, okay, that's it!
516
00:27:20.272 --> 00:27:22.539
Last warning!
It's gonna get ugly
517
00:27:22.541 --> 00:27:25.676
if you don't get the heck
out of my house!
518
00:27:25.678 --> 00:27:27.277
Floyd, Floyd...
519
00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:29.546
Floyd, Floyd, calm down.
520
00:27:29.548 --> 00:27:33.117
Can you cut Gus a break,
all right?
521
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:34.885
Okay, sorry.
522
00:27:34.887 --> 00:27:38.222
Aaron promised it would be eight
people total, including me.
523
00:27:38.224 --> 00:27:39.490
Eight people total.
524
00:27:39.492 --> 00:27:41.725
I hear you, and we're sorry.
525
00:27:41.727 --> 00:27:45.029
Look, I will admit,
Gus is an asshole.
526
00:27:45.031 --> 00:27:47.498
But I would feel like a bigger
asshole if I asked him to leave
527
00:27:47.500 --> 00:27:49.566
after he came all this way
to celebrate with me.
528
00:27:49.568 --> 00:27:51.502
Do you know what I'm saying?
529
00:27:51.504 --> 00:27:56.540
So can you just do me
this solid, please?
530
00:27:57.743 --> 00:28:00.310
You promise he won't
touch me anymore?
531
00:28:00.312 --> 00:28:03.580
We'll try our best.
532
00:28:05.184 --> 00:28:07.217
- Okay.
- Okay?
533
00:28:07.219 --> 00:28:09.053
Good. You look sharp,
by the way.
534
00:28:09.055 --> 00:28:11.188
- Very GQ.
- Yes.
535
00:28:11.190 --> 00:28:12.923
Can I borrow that tie
sometime?
536
00:28:12.925 --> 00:28:14.291
- Of course!
- All right.
537
00:28:14.293 --> 00:28:16.694
- It's all good.
- It's all good?
538
00:28:16.696 --> 00:28:18.996
To be honest,
I really wasn't worried.
539
00:28:18.998 --> 00:28:20.798
You guys aren't crazy.
540
00:28:20.800 --> 00:28:23.333
So how's life been
treatin' you, Sean?
541
00:28:23.335 --> 00:28:25.436
- Life's pretty--
- That is so great, man.
542
00:28:25.438 --> 00:28:28.505
My life is just fantastic.
Things are so good with me.
543
00:28:28.507 --> 00:28:30.207
They're just so good,
you know?
544
00:28:30.209 --> 00:28:32.342
They just keep getting
better and better.
545
00:28:32.344 --> 00:28:34.078
My team is doing great.
546
00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:35.446
Then again,
how could they not be
547
00:28:35.448 --> 00:28:37.715
with such a great and
pulchritudinous leader,
548
00:28:37.717 --> 00:28:38.615
you know what I mean?
549
00:28:38.617 --> 00:28:40.317
Hey, so how's the missus, huh?
550
00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:42.953
Or should I say
soon to be missus?
551
00:28:42.955 --> 00:28:45.456
- Irene, she's--
- Oh, man, my wife Mary-Lou,
552
00:28:45.458 --> 00:28:47.291
she's hanging in there.
553
00:28:47.293 --> 00:28:49.093
Once in a while,
she gets a little mouthy,
554
00:28:49.095 --> 00:28:52.196
nothing that a quick backhand
or a right hook can't solve.
555
00:28:52.198 --> 00:28:53.864
You know what I mean? Hey.
556
00:28:53.866 --> 00:28:55.566
Word to the wise
about marriage.
557
00:28:55.568 --> 00:28:57.000
You better establish
your dominance
558
00:28:57.002 --> 00:28:58.402
coming right out
the freaking gate
559
00:28:58.404 --> 00:29:00.237
because if you do not,
560
00:29:00.239 --> 00:29:02.673
you will live
the rest of your days
561
00:29:02.675 --> 00:29:05.142
as a henpecked,
yellow-belly eunuch.
562
00:29:05.144 --> 00:29:07.177
Believe me.
563
00:29:07.179 --> 00:29:08.712
I know.
564
00:29:08.714 --> 00:29:10.814
- Wow.
- Yeah.
565
00:29:12.184 --> 00:29:16.320
[laughs]
566
00:29:16.322 --> 00:29:17.855
Wow, that's crazy.
Speaking of which--
567
00:29:17.857 --> 00:29:20.457
Hey, do you remember
that game that I won for us
568
00:29:20.459 --> 00:29:22.659
against Schroeder High
in our junior year?
569
00:29:22.661 --> 00:29:25.329
I just pulled that article out
yesterday and read it.
570
00:29:25.331 --> 00:29:26.697
They had us down by 11.
571
00:29:26.699 --> 00:29:28.832
The entire team had given up,
but not me.
572
00:29:28.834 --> 00:29:31.335
No, no, no, no.
I knew if I wanted that win,
573
00:29:31.337 --> 00:29:33.237
I had to take over
like a real man.
574
00:29:33.239 --> 00:29:35.439
That's when I sliced that
big overgrown bitch Whittaker
575
00:29:35.441 --> 00:29:37.674
right across his face and
made him bleed out of his chin.
576
00:29:37.676 --> 00:29:39.810
He was crying,
bleeding all over the eyes.
577
00:29:39.812 --> 00:29:41.044
- Do you remember that?
- [doorbell rings]
578
00:29:41.046 --> 00:29:42.446
I think that's Miles.
579
00:29:42.448 --> 00:29:44.081
GUS: You don't remember
that game?
580
00:29:44.083 --> 00:29:46.216
I slashed him right across
his fuckin' face, remember?
581
00:29:46.218 --> 00:29:48.919
I was the fuckin' hero,
remember that?
582
00:29:48.921 --> 00:29:51.522
Make sure you lock the door!
583
00:29:58.631 --> 00:30:01.932
Oh, yeah, there he is!
How you doin'?
584
00:30:01.934 --> 00:30:03.000
How are you, brother?
585
00:30:03.002 --> 00:30:04.535
Good to see you, man.
586
00:30:04.537 --> 00:30:06.336
Miles went to high school
with us, too.
587
00:30:06.338 --> 00:30:09.273
Later this year, he'll be
retiring from a very successful
588
00:30:09.275 --> 00:30:10.808
professional hockey career.
589
00:30:10.810 --> 00:30:13.277
He's pretty fuckin'
rich and famous.
590
00:30:13.279 --> 00:30:14.812
But despite his success,
591
00:30:14.814 --> 00:30:19.149
Miles is probably the humblest
and nicest guy I know.
592
00:30:19.151 --> 00:30:20.450
All right, how's the fam?
593
00:30:20.452 --> 00:30:22.152
Oh, the girl's
too informed, man.
594
00:30:22.154 --> 00:30:23.887
You gotta give 'em mind, man.
They miss Uncle Aaron.
595
00:30:23.889 --> 00:30:25.656
I would love to.
I would love to, man.
596
00:30:25.658 --> 00:30:27.825
- Is everybody here?
- Yeah, everyone's out back.
597
00:30:27.827 --> 00:30:31.562
Oh...
598
00:30:31.564 --> 00:30:33.163
shit!
599
00:30:33.165 --> 00:30:34.865
- What's up, man?
- How are you?
600
00:30:34.867 --> 00:30:36.700
- Good, man, good seeing you.
- Good to see you.
601
00:30:36.702 --> 00:30:38.535
I don't know if any
of the other fellas
602
00:30:38.537 --> 00:30:41.505
have ever noticed
how much Gus hates Miles.
603
00:30:41.507 --> 00:30:43.207
I don't even think
Miles knows it.
604
00:30:43.209 --> 00:30:45.776
Gus's grudge goes all the way
back to high school
605
00:30:45.778 --> 00:30:50.214
when Gus was number one
and Miles was number two.
606
00:30:50.216 --> 00:30:53.717
I guess I can understand why
Gus would be a little envious.
607
00:30:53.719 --> 00:30:56.486
Miles is a star hockey player.
608
00:30:56.488 --> 00:30:58.889
Gus is a high school
hockey coach.
609
00:30:58.891 --> 00:31:00.891
Miles married a model.
610
00:31:00.893 --> 00:31:03.894
Gus's wife is... nice.
611
00:31:03.896 --> 00:31:05.796
Miles is a millionaire.
612
00:31:05.798 --> 00:31:08.799
Gus is broke.
613
00:31:08.801 --> 00:31:10.868
Everybody loves Miles.
614
00:31:10.870 --> 00:31:13.170
Everybody hates Gus.
615
00:31:13.172 --> 00:31:15.138
- Good to see you.
- You, too.
616
00:31:15.140 --> 00:31:17.374
Hey! There he is.
617
00:31:17.376 --> 00:31:19.543
- Hey, brother.
- Oh! Hey, yeah.
618
00:31:19.545 --> 00:31:21.211
- Good to see you, Gus.
- Mmm.
619
00:31:21.213 --> 00:31:24.348
Oh, man, it's been too long.
How's life treatin' ya?
620
00:31:24.350 --> 00:31:26.516
Oh, man,
everything's perfect with me.
621
00:31:26.518 --> 00:31:28.518
It's just--
Couldn't be any better.
622
00:31:28.520 --> 00:31:30.087
Got the fuckin' world
by the ass!
623
00:31:30.089 --> 00:31:31.822
- Nice.
- What's up with you?
624
00:31:31.824 --> 00:31:34.691
Oh, shit! I've been
meaning to tell you.
625
00:31:34.693 --> 00:31:35.959
I saw that game,
626
00:31:35.961 --> 00:31:37.694
your last game that you played
against the Ducks.
627
00:31:37.696 --> 00:31:40.264
Your game seemed
a little off, you know?
628
00:31:40.266 --> 00:31:42.733
Like maybe you couldn't get
around the ice like you used to.
629
00:31:42.735 --> 00:31:46.603
Isn't that a shame when players
play longer than they should?
630
00:31:46.605 --> 00:31:49.773
A guy needs to know when
his time has come and gone.
631
00:31:49.775 --> 00:31:51.174
You know what I mean,
don't you?
632
00:31:51.176 --> 00:31:53.076
- Yeah, I feel you.
- Yeah, cheers.
633
00:31:53.078 --> 00:31:54.611
There's supposed to be
some bitches coming, man.
634
00:31:54.613 --> 00:31:56.513
I'll see you in there.
635
00:32:03.355 --> 00:32:05.188
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. Nothing.
636
00:32:05.190 --> 00:32:06.823
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
637
00:32:06.825 --> 00:32:08.759
You were about to call
Irene, weren't you?
638
00:32:08.761 --> 00:32:09.860
What?
639
00:32:09.862 --> 00:32:11.461
No! No.
640
00:32:11.463 --> 00:32:13.130
- Give me your phone.
- No.
641
00:32:13.132 --> 00:32:15.832
Give me your fuckin' phone!
Get the fuck outside!
642
00:32:15.834 --> 00:32:18.435
All right,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
643
00:32:18.437 --> 00:32:19.603
I'm going.
644
00:32:19.605 --> 00:32:21.538
Sean's got it bad.
645
00:32:21.540 --> 00:32:24.308
Worse than I thought.
646
00:32:24.310 --> 00:32:27.010
Although it's kinda weird
not getting any calls
647
00:32:27.012 --> 00:32:29.146
or texts from Kayla.
648
00:32:29.148 --> 00:32:31.915
[romantic music]
649
00:32:35.287 --> 00:32:37.621
We used to randomly
send each other funny texts
650
00:32:37.623 --> 00:32:40.857
and pics throughout the day.
651
00:32:49.802 --> 00:32:52.502
And sometimes
we just hung out,
652
00:32:52.504 --> 00:32:56.406
not even talking
or laughing.
653
00:32:56.408 --> 00:32:58.608
Just silence.
654
00:33:04.717 --> 00:33:06.316
Even when I was sick,
655
00:33:06.318 --> 00:33:09.753
like the time I thought
I had the bubonic plague,
656
00:33:09.755 --> 00:33:11.621
Kayla still came around,
657
00:33:11.623 --> 00:33:15.659
took care of me
and made me laugh.
658
00:33:22.701 --> 00:33:27.170
[romantic music continues]
659
00:33:27.172 --> 00:33:28.672
[record scratches]
660
00:33:28.674 --> 00:33:30.640
What the fuck am I doin'?
661
00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:37.114
Hey, Stanley,
is Uncle Ulysses coming?
662
00:33:37.116 --> 00:33:38.648
How the fuck would I know?
663
00:33:38.650 --> 00:33:41.018
Do I look like a goddamn
party planner?
664
00:33:41.020 --> 00:33:42.686
Fuck!
665
00:33:43.689 --> 00:33:45.822
Tom Cruise-looking
motherfucker!
666
00:33:45.824 --> 00:33:48.725
Uncle Ulysses
is Sean and Stanley's uncle.
667
00:33:48.727 --> 00:33:51.094
Actually,
he's their great-uncle.
668
00:33:51.096 --> 00:33:53.697
Uncle Ulysses is
a real interesting dude.
669
00:33:53.699 --> 00:33:56.333
He's sort of a Renaissance man.
670
00:33:56.335 --> 00:33:58.168
He's traveled the world.
671
00:33:58.170 --> 00:34:01.138
He's met, hung out and
gotten drunk with everybody.
672
00:34:01.140 --> 00:34:05.575
Presidents, kings, movie stars,
gangsters, you name it.
673
00:34:05.577 --> 00:34:07.577
He's been a soldier,
a medicine man,
674
00:34:07.579 --> 00:34:09.146
a fortune teller,
a mercenary,
675
00:34:09.148 --> 00:34:11.548
a migrant fruit-picker,
a pearl diver,
676
00:34:11.550 --> 00:34:13.116
and who know what else.
677
00:34:13.118 --> 00:34:14.985
He never got married
or had any kids.
678
00:34:14.987 --> 00:34:16.553
Most importantly,
679
00:34:16.555 --> 00:34:21.992
it's been said that he's
nailed over 3,000 women.
680
00:34:21.994 --> 00:34:23.827
I believe it.
681
00:34:25.330 --> 00:34:28.432
Uncle Ulysses is most famous
for being a party animal.
682
00:34:28.434 --> 00:34:31.668
He's known worldwide
as being the Yoda of drinking.
683
00:34:31.670 --> 00:34:33.236
On countless occasions,
684
00:34:33.238 --> 00:34:37.941
he's drank Sean and I
under the table.
685
00:34:37.943 --> 00:34:39.176
Literally.
686
00:34:39.178 --> 00:34:41.611
Another thing about
Uncle Ulysses,
687
00:34:41.613 --> 00:34:43.413
he walks everywhere.
688
00:34:43.415 --> 00:34:47.517
Whether it's 20 blocks
or 20 miles, he walks.
689
00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:50.787
And he carries that goddamn
suitcase everywhere he goes.
690
00:34:50.789 --> 00:34:53.190
Although I've inquired
many, many times,
691
00:34:53.192 --> 00:34:57.327
nobody knows what's inside
his goddamn suitcase.
692
00:34:57.329 --> 00:35:02.132
Like I said, Uncle Ulysses
is a real interesting dude.
693
00:35:02.134 --> 00:35:04.067
Aloha!
694
00:35:04.069 --> 00:35:05.602
Hello!
695
00:35:05.604 --> 00:35:07.537
How'd you get in here?
696
00:35:07.539 --> 00:35:09.372
I told you to lock
the front door.
697
00:35:09.374 --> 00:35:11.508
- I did.
- How you doin'?
698
00:35:11.510 --> 00:35:13.810
Well, well.
699
00:35:13.812 --> 00:35:16.980
Hello, you!
[laughs]
700
00:35:16.982 --> 00:35:20.817
- Good to see you, man.
- Oh! Let's party!
701
00:35:24.323 --> 00:35:25.922
Oh! Be careful.
702
00:35:25.924 --> 00:35:28.525
Guys, what is this,
like a gay circle jerk?
703
00:35:28.527 --> 00:35:31.628
I came to see some
titties and ass!
704
00:35:31.630 --> 00:35:34.464
Tonight's collective toast
is to a young man
705
00:35:34.466 --> 00:35:37.767
who's committed to
the most wonderful commitment
706
00:35:37.769 --> 00:35:40.103
an individual can commit to.
707
00:35:41.507 --> 00:35:46.209
Sean, I wish you love, life
and liberty.
708
00:35:47.946 --> 00:35:49.746
All right!
709
00:35:52.217 --> 00:35:55.218
Sean, I love you,
you're my best friend,
710
00:35:55.220 --> 00:35:56.987
but it's not too late
to back out.
711
00:35:56.989 --> 00:36:01.191
- [laughs]
- [applause and cheers]
712
00:36:01.193 --> 00:36:03.093
[gags]
713
00:36:03.095 --> 00:36:04.394
[spits]
Oh!
714
00:36:04.396 --> 00:36:05.862
[laughs]
Pussy!
715
00:36:07.900 --> 00:36:09.566
Hey, Miles, I wanna say
congrats, cuz.
716
00:36:09.568 --> 00:36:11.201
Irene's good people, man.
717
00:36:11.203 --> 00:36:13.537
Hope y'all have a gang
of little motherfuckers, man.
718
00:36:13.539 --> 00:36:15.906
This is to you.
719
00:36:15.908 --> 00:36:17.140
[applause]
720
00:36:17.142 --> 00:36:18.208
There you go.
721
00:36:18.210 --> 00:36:21.178
So long, sucker!
722
00:36:21.180 --> 00:36:24.147
[laughs]
723
00:36:26.485 --> 00:36:27.851
Whoo!
724
00:36:27.853 --> 00:36:31.121
- Hey, man, pass that shit.
- Come on, pass!
725
00:36:31.123 --> 00:36:32.422
Pass, pass, come on!
726
00:36:32.424 --> 00:36:33.623
Fuck.
727
00:36:36.328 --> 00:36:37.961
Congratulations, Sean.
728
00:36:37.963 --> 00:36:42.032
I just wanna wish you and
your new wife all the best.
729
00:36:42.034 --> 00:36:44.301
Please take it easy
on my house.
730
00:36:44.303 --> 00:36:47.571
Oh, no, no.
731
00:36:49.107 --> 00:36:52.742
I've been looking forward
to this a long time.
732
00:36:57.449 --> 00:37:00.250
That's some shit.
[burps]
733
00:37:00.252 --> 00:37:01.551
Congratulations to Sean.
734
00:37:01.553 --> 00:37:03.220
We go way back, my man.
735
00:37:03.222 --> 00:37:05.522
Contrary to what these jokers
are trying to make you believe,
736
00:37:05.524 --> 00:37:07.724
marriage,
it's a beautiful thing.
737
00:37:07.726 --> 00:37:10.594
Just always keep it real
with each other.
738
00:37:10.596 --> 00:37:13.196
- Cheers, my man.
- [applause]
739
00:37:15.133 --> 00:37:16.233
God damn.
740
00:37:17.936 --> 00:37:20.103
Here.
741
00:37:20.105 --> 00:37:21.638
Why you gonna be
an asshole, Stanley?
742
00:37:21.640 --> 00:37:23.506
Suck my dick.
743
00:37:23.508 --> 00:37:27.444
I wanted all of you to be a part
of my big day for a reason.
744
00:37:27.446 --> 00:37:30.513
Each of you helped mold me
into the man I am today.
745
00:37:30.515 --> 00:37:31.581
Yes, I did!
746
00:37:31.583 --> 00:37:34.217
Good... and bad.
747
00:37:34.219 --> 00:37:35.252
[laughs]
748
00:37:35.254 --> 00:37:37.821
I appreciate
every one of you guys.
749
00:37:37.823 --> 00:37:39.656
I fuckin' love you, assholes.
750
00:37:39.658 --> 00:37:41.858
[laughter]
751
00:37:41.860 --> 00:37:47.330
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
752
00:37:47.332 --> 00:37:52.369
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
753
00:37:52.371 --> 00:37:54.704
Drink!
754
00:37:54.706 --> 00:37:55.872
Drink! Drink!
755
00:37:55.874 --> 00:37:58.041
- Yeah!
- Ha ha! Yeah!
756
00:38:03.315 --> 00:38:05.115
Here! Keep it full.
757
00:38:05.117 --> 00:38:06.916
Yeah!
758
00:38:08.620 --> 00:38:09.819
Yeah!
759
00:38:09.821 --> 00:38:11.454
Now we got a party.
760
00:38:11.456 --> 00:38:13.657
It's all over the floor.
761
00:38:15.027 --> 00:38:18.161
So when shall we be expecting
these strippers?
762
00:38:18.163 --> 00:38:20.597
Don't worry. We have plenty of
live entertainment
763
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:22.165
coming shortly.
764
00:38:22.167 --> 00:38:24.501
- That's what I wanna hear!
- Me fuckin', too!
765
00:38:24.503 --> 00:38:26.136
Strippers?
Live entertainment?
766
00:38:26.138 --> 00:38:27.404
- Yeah.
- Dirty.
767
00:38:27.406 --> 00:38:30.140
We had an agreement, Aaron.
Eight people total.
768
00:38:30.142 --> 00:38:32.676
Strippers and/or
live entertainment
769
00:38:32.678 --> 00:38:35.178
makes way more than
eight people!
770
00:38:35.180 --> 00:38:37.314
I'm gonna have
to shut it down, okay?
771
00:38:37.316 --> 00:38:39.082
Okay, guys! That's it!
772
00:38:39.084 --> 00:38:42.052
Wait! Just shut the fuck up
for a second, all right?
773
00:38:42.054 --> 00:38:43.320
You're ruining
the goddamn plan!
774
00:38:43.322 --> 00:38:47.157
Look! Joy is far, far away
from here.
775
00:38:47.159 --> 00:38:49.926
Grow some fuckin' balls,
will ya?
776
00:38:49.928 --> 00:38:51.961
Just calm the fuck down.
777
00:38:51.963 --> 00:38:54.664
Have a great time
and enjoy yourself.
778
00:38:54.666 --> 00:38:57.200
Can you do that?
Can you calm down?
779
00:38:57.202 --> 00:39:00.203
All right,
let's have a good time.
780
00:39:02.574 --> 00:39:05.775
[indistinct chatter]
781
00:39:05.777 --> 00:39:08.778
Can I borrow you
for a second?
782
00:39:08.780 --> 00:39:11.481
Now I wanted tonight
to be special.
783
00:39:11.483 --> 00:39:14.517
I mean really special, okay?
784
00:39:14.519 --> 00:39:17.387
Don't ask me how I did this
'cause I'm never gonna tell you,
785
00:39:17.389 --> 00:39:19.322
but...
786
00:39:19.324 --> 00:39:25.795
I was able to get Epiphany
to come tonight.
787
00:39:25.797 --> 00:39:27.697
What? Epiphany?
788
00:39:29.601 --> 00:39:31.234
To the average person,
789
00:39:31.236 --> 00:39:34.337
the name Epiphany probably
doesn't mean that much.
790
00:39:34.339 --> 00:39:35.805
But those who know
791
00:39:35.807 --> 00:39:39.175
know that Epiphany
is a stripper.
792
00:39:39.177 --> 00:39:42.645
Actually, she used
to be a stripper.
793
00:39:42.647 --> 00:39:44.514
Now...
794
00:39:44.516 --> 00:39:46.383
she's a legend.
795
00:39:48.553 --> 00:39:50.787
Epiphany only makes
special appearances
796
00:39:50.789 --> 00:39:52.622
at select bachelor parties.
797
00:39:52.624 --> 00:39:54.824
Mostly she's hired
to bang the groom
798
00:39:54.826 --> 00:39:56.626
on his last night of freedom.
799
00:39:56.628 --> 00:39:59.562
Word has it, after a guy
hooks up with Epiphany,
800
00:39:59.564 --> 00:40:01.264
he's never the same.
801
00:40:01.266 --> 00:40:03.466
Epiphany's
unbelievably expensive.
802
00:40:03.468 --> 00:40:07.737
But for Sean,
she'll be worth every cent.
803
00:40:09.441 --> 00:40:11.908
I don't-- I don't know
what to say.
804
00:40:11.910 --> 00:40:15.044
There's something else about
Sean that I find amazing.
805
00:40:15.046 --> 00:40:17.447
Sean has never
cheated on Irene.
806
00:40:17.449 --> 00:40:21.217
No bullshit. Never!
That is fucking amazing to me.
807
00:40:21.219 --> 00:40:23.720
In my humble opinion,
cheating is inevitable.
808
00:40:23.722 --> 00:40:26.189
How can you wake up
to the same face everyday
809
00:40:26.191 --> 00:40:28.425
and not get tired of it?
810
00:40:28.427 --> 00:40:30.760
Like I always say,
811
00:40:30.762 --> 00:40:32.762
a guy could line up
all the women in the world
812
00:40:32.764 --> 00:40:34.964
and take his time to pick
what he considers to be
813
00:40:34.966 --> 00:40:37.600
the most beautiful one.
814
00:40:37.602 --> 00:40:41.037
In three months,
he'll be tired of her.
815
00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:42.338
Crap!
816
00:40:42.340 --> 00:40:44.607
Everybody cheats.
You have to keep in mind
817
00:40:44.609 --> 00:40:46.910
men and women
see cheating differently.
818
00:40:46.912 --> 00:40:48.812
The woman wants to know...
819
00:40:48.814 --> 00:40:51.347
I don't care
if you fucked her!
820
00:40:51.349 --> 00:40:52.649
Did you love her?
821
00:40:52.651 --> 00:40:54.017
The guys wants to know...
822
00:40:54.019 --> 00:40:55.919
I don't care if you loved him.
823
00:40:55.921 --> 00:40:58.087
Did you fuck him?
824
00:40:58.089 --> 00:41:00.089
I've never really had
a girlfriend to cheat on.
825
00:41:00.091 --> 00:41:01.724
But I have to admit,
826
00:41:01.726 --> 00:41:04.928
after nailing the last few
girls since I met Kayla,
827
00:41:04.930 --> 00:41:07.197
I did feel a little bad.
828
00:41:07.199 --> 00:41:10.900
Hey, sexy,
let's get you home.
829
00:41:10.902 --> 00:41:12.836
Don't want you
driving home too late.
830
00:41:12.838 --> 00:41:14.437
Matter of fact,
I felt so bad
831
00:41:14.439 --> 00:41:16.439
I actually confessed it
to Kayla.
832
00:41:16.441 --> 00:41:18.408
I couldn't believe
I was snitching on myself.
833
00:41:18.410 --> 00:41:20.276
I'd never done anything
like that before.
834
00:41:20.278 --> 00:41:22.612
It was like
an out-of-body experience.
835
00:41:22.614 --> 00:41:24.514
I expected her to scream, cuss,
836
00:41:24.516 --> 00:41:27.317
scratch my eyes out
and shank me.
837
00:41:27.319 --> 00:41:28.685
But she didn't.
838
00:41:28.687 --> 00:41:32.188
We just talked about it.
839
00:41:32.991 --> 00:41:34.757
And she forgave me.
840
00:41:34.759 --> 00:41:37.360
I mean, I know she wasn't
my girlfriend or anything,
841
00:41:37.362 --> 00:41:40.930
and I shouldn't care, but...
842
00:41:40.932 --> 00:41:43.132
she forgave me.
843
00:41:43.134 --> 00:41:44.534
Wow.
844
00:41:45.604 --> 00:41:48.972
You don't need to say anything.
845
00:41:48.974 --> 00:41:50.907
You know what to do.
846
00:41:50.909 --> 00:41:53.443
Oh, fuck yeah!
847
00:41:53.445 --> 00:41:54.978
- Yeah!
- [cheering]
848
00:41:54.980 --> 00:41:56.813
[doorbell rings]
849
00:41:56.815 --> 00:42:00.450
Oh, shit!
850
00:42:00.452 --> 00:42:03.419
¶¶ [rap]
851
00:42:08.560 --> 00:42:10.293
Good evening, gentlemen.
852
00:42:10.295 --> 00:42:12.128
Whoo!
853
00:42:12.130 --> 00:42:14.264
You all ready to have
a good time tonight?
854
00:42:14.266 --> 00:42:16.199
- Oh, yeah!
- [clapping]
855
00:42:16.201 --> 00:42:18.134
All right.
Here are the rules.
856
00:42:18.136 --> 00:42:21.538
Number one:
Do not touch the girls.
857
00:42:21.540 --> 00:42:23.039
Boo! That's bullshit!
858
00:42:23.041 --> 00:42:25.575
They can touch you,
but you can't touch them.
859
00:42:25.577 --> 00:42:27.243
I'm serious.
860
00:42:27.245 --> 00:42:30.813
Number two: Tip.
861
00:42:30.815 --> 00:42:33.750
Performing tonight
for your visual pleasure
862
00:42:33.752 --> 00:42:36.619
are the finest,
the freakiest,
863
00:42:36.621 --> 00:42:40.690
the most fascinating bitches
to ever work a pole!
864
00:42:40.692 --> 00:42:42.325
- Please!
- Luscious!
865
00:42:42.327 --> 00:42:44.527
Are you boys
ready for the night?
866
00:42:44.529 --> 00:42:45.762
Yummy!
867
00:42:45.764 --> 00:42:47.530
Hello, gentlemen.
868
00:42:47.532 --> 00:42:48.932
Precious.
869
00:42:48.934 --> 00:42:50.767
Who wants to be spanked?
870
00:42:50.769 --> 00:42:52.569
Yeah!
871
00:42:52.571 --> 00:42:53.636
Chastity!
872
00:42:53.638 --> 00:42:55.271
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Delicious.
873
00:42:55.273 --> 00:42:57.173
- Hello, hungry boys.
- Dreamy.
874
00:42:57.175 --> 00:42:59.042
I'll make your dreams
come true.
875
00:42:59.044 --> 00:43:00.143
Temptation.
876
00:43:00.145 --> 00:43:03.212
- You want some of this?
- Sin.
877
00:43:03.214 --> 00:43:05.515
- You guys ready to party?
- Seduction.
878
00:43:05.517 --> 00:43:06.816
Who wants to get nasty?
879
00:43:06.818 --> 00:43:08.885
All right, girls,
go do your thing.
880
00:43:08.887 --> 00:43:12.155
¶ Make that ass bounce ¶
881
00:43:12.157 --> 00:43:15.892
¶ Up and down
like a basketball ¶
882
00:43:15.894 --> 00:43:19.829
¶ Your booty's so round
Let's play ratchetball ¶
883
00:43:19.831 --> 00:43:22.832
Shake that sweet
brown shit, girl.
884
00:43:22.834 --> 00:43:24.467
Mmm! I like what I see.
885
00:43:24.469 --> 00:43:28.338
¶ Sit this here
Get nasty on that ass you got ¶
886
00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:30.073
¶ Girl, you better not
go past me ¶
887
00:43:30.075 --> 00:43:32.342
¶ I play the sexophone ¶
888
00:43:32.344 --> 00:43:34.677
¶ I don't mind if
you get a little jazzy ¶
889
00:43:34.679 --> 00:43:37.880
[Harold laughs]
890
00:43:37.882 --> 00:43:39.215
Whoo!
891
00:43:39.217 --> 00:43:41.517
Dirty old man, you!
892
00:43:44.689 --> 00:43:47.357
Ooh! That one.
893
00:43:47.359 --> 00:43:50.526
¶ She a kidnapper
Amber alert, Amber alert ¶
894
00:43:50.528 --> 00:43:53.096
¶ Be quiet
That's a grown woman ¶
895
00:43:53.098 --> 00:43:54.664
¶ She be in the gym ¶
896
00:43:54.666 --> 00:43:56.032
Get over here, girl!
897
00:43:56.034 --> 00:43:57.100
Relax, beautiful.
898
00:43:57.102 --> 00:43:58.668
Don't... touch.
899
00:43:58.670 --> 00:44:02.271
Come on, relax. You and I
got a nice rhythm going.
900
00:44:02.273 --> 00:44:03.673
Hey, hey,
if you're friendly,
901
00:44:03.675 --> 00:44:05.375
there'll be a nice fat tip
in it for you.
902
00:44:05.377 --> 00:44:07.644
Baby, come on, big fat tip!
903
00:44:12.550 --> 00:44:14.250
Hey, girls.
904
00:44:14.252 --> 00:44:16.252
Do you wanna come out?
905
00:44:16.254 --> 00:44:18.488
The guy's your man.
906
00:44:18.490 --> 00:44:20.556
[all laughing]
907
00:44:22.927 --> 00:44:25.561
HAROLD: Oh, my!
If we must, we must.
908
00:44:25.563 --> 00:44:27.764
[all laughing]
909
00:44:27.766 --> 00:44:30.266
Shit! You girls seem like
you may have done this
910
00:44:30.268 --> 00:44:32.435
one or two times before.
911
00:44:34.372 --> 00:44:36.639
Whoo-hoo!
912
00:44:36.641 --> 00:44:38.307
[laughing]
913
00:44:38.309 --> 00:44:42.211
I'm an Aztec god!
Cheez-alcoatl!
914
00:44:42.213 --> 00:44:46.015
Is it cool if later, I crawl up
inside you and take a nap?
915
00:44:46.017 --> 00:44:48.217
This is so fun to watch.
916
00:44:50.989 --> 00:44:53.322
Touch your toes,
touch your toes.
917
00:44:53.324 --> 00:44:55.291
Go ahead, bend over,
touch your toes.
918
00:44:55.293 --> 00:44:57.193
Wait. Where we going?
919
00:44:57.195 --> 00:44:59.862
All right, girls.
920
00:44:59.864 --> 00:45:02.832
[laughter]
921
00:45:02.834 --> 00:45:04.701
Whoo-hoo!
922
00:45:09.641 --> 00:45:12.642
Yeah!
923
00:45:12.644 --> 00:45:17.513
[laughs]
924
00:45:17.515 --> 00:45:20.450
Remember, you said there's
a big fat tip in it for me.
925
00:45:20.452 --> 00:45:22.351
Trust me, baby.
926
00:45:22.353 --> 00:45:24.654
It is.
927
00:45:24.656 --> 00:45:25.655
[slap]
928
00:45:25.657 --> 00:45:26.723
[laughs]
929
00:45:26.725 --> 00:45:27.690
Ow!
930
00:45:27.692 --> 00:45:28.825
Oh, hell no.
931
00:45:28.827 --> 00:45:30.960
Hey, asshole, I told you!
932
00:45:30.962 --> 00:45:32.562
No touching!
933
00:45:32.564 --> 00:45:34.630
- What did I say?
- Come on! What?
934
00:45:34.632 --> 00:45:36.766
Ladies, that's it.
Pack it up, show's over.
935
00:45:36.768 --> 00:45:37.767
No! No!
936
00:45:37.769 --> 00:45:40.036
Oh, come on!
937
00:45:40.038 --> 00:45:41.771
No! No!
938
00:45:42.774 --> 00:45:44.540
What'd you do, man?
939
00:45:44.542 --> 00:45:46.709
What the fuck
did I tell you, man?
940
00:45:46.711 --> 00:45:47.777
Be respectful!
941
00:45:47.779 --> 00:45:51.581
You motherfuck!
[screaming]
942
00:45:51.583 --> 00:45:54.317
- Hey! Hey!
- Control this animal!
943
00:45:54.319 --> 00:45:56.886
Fuck you! Fuck you!
What the hell are you doin'?
944
00:45:56.888 --> 00:45:59.288
You fuckin' fucked it up!
945
00:45:59.290 --> 00:46:01.491
I can't believe you fags
are making such a big deal
946
00:46:01.493 --> 00:46:04.093
about these stank-ass
fuckin' hookers!
947
00:46:04.095 --> 00:46:06.295
[doorbell rings]
948
00:46:09.267 --> 00:46:11.134
They're back?
949
00:46:16.007 --> 00:46:17.507
DETECTIVE: Nice house.
950
00:46:21.179 --> 00:46:22.712
Good evening, gentlemen.
951
00:46:22.714 --> 00:46:25.281
I'm Detective Armstrong.
This is Detective Gonzalez.
952
00:46:25.283 --> 00:46:29.519
Well, well, well,
if it ain't the popos!
953
00:46:29.521 --> 00:46:32.221
Yeah, what can we do
for you, Detectives?
954
00:46:32.223 --> 00:46:35.658
Looking for this scumbag
right here: Jesse Jameson.
955
00:46:35.660 --> 00:46:36.826
You guys seen him?
956
00:46:36.828 --> 00:46:38.494
Yeah, he escaped from prison.
957
00:46:38.496 --> 00:46:40.530
Our sources informed us
that he might be right here
958
00:46:40.532 --> 00:46:42.064
at his cousin's
bachelor party.
959
00:46:42.066 --> 00:46:44.033
Is that true?
960
00:46:44.035 --> 00:46:46.936
Which one of you
is his cousin?
961
00:46:46.938 --> 00:46:48.070
That would be me, Detectives,
962
00:46:48.072 --> 00:46:50.439
but I haven't seen Jesse
in ages.
963
00:46:50.441 --> 00:46:52.041
Last I heard,
he was still in prison.
964
00:46:52.043 --> 00:46:53.376
That's right, Detectives.
965
00:46:53.378 --> 00:46:55.745
We're all law-abiding
citizens here.
966
00:46:55.747 --> 00:46:59.682
We would never harbor
a fugitive from the law.
967
00:46:59.684 --> 00:47:02.819
[Aaron and Gus laugh]
968
00:47:02.821 --> 00:47:03.886
That's crazy.
969
00:47:03.888 --> 00:47:05.588
It's just a bachelor party.
970
00:47:05.590 --> 00:47:06.789
Bachelor party.
971
00:47:06.791 --> 00:47:07.957
All right.
972
00:47:07.959 --> 00:47:09.792
You see this motherfucker,
973
00:47:09.794 --> 00:47:10.827
give us a call, right?
974
00:47:10.829 --> 00:47:13.596
Yes, sir, Detective Armstrong.
975
00:47:13.598 --> 00:47:14.697
Absolutely.
976
00:47:17.869 --> 00:47:19.635
Let's go. Come on.
977
00:47:19.637 --> 00:47:22.605
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Now wait a minute, gentlemen!
978
00:47:22.607 --> 00:47:24.740
You sure you don't wanna
have a little cocktail?
979
00:47:24.742 --> 00:47:27.009
Gus, what are you--
Don't be silly.
980
00:47:27.011 --> 00:47:29.412
They're detectives.
They don't have time for that.
981
00:47:29.414 --> 00:47:31.080
They've got crooks to catch.
982
00:47:31.082 --> 00:47:35.551
Besides, they can't drink.
They're detectives.
983
00:47:37.522 --> 00:47:40.156
[laughter]
984
00:47:40.158 --> 00:47:41.257
Oh, shit!
985
00:47:41.259 --> 00:47:42.425
Sorry, dog!
986
00:47:42.427 --> 00:47:45.428
[laughter continues]
987
00:47:47.432 --> 00:47:49.198
Hey, I like y'all.
988
00:47:49.200 --> 00:47:52.568
Anybody who said it wasn't fun
drinking with cops are lying!
989
00:47:52.570 --> 00:47:54.570
Y'all motherfuckers are crazy!
990
00:47:54.572 --> 00:47:56.873
- We gotta go, man!
- [laughter continues]
991
00:47:58.810 --> 00:48:01.878
Oh, my God! What the...
992
00:48:01.880 --> 00:48:05.381
[indistinct chatter]
993
00:48:13.558 --> 00:48:16.859
Okay, they're gone, Jesse!
You can come out now!
994
00:48:16.861 --> 00:48:18.628
You're dead, motherfucker!
995
00:48:18.630 --> 00:48:21.864
[yelling]
996
00:48:23.034 --> 00:48:24.667
Get the gun!
997
00:48:26.337 --> 00:48:28.204
Fucking gun!
998
00:48:29.240 --> 00:48:31.140
- I got it! I got it!
- Get off!
999
00:48:31.142 --> 00:48:34.410
- Fuck!
- [yelling]
1000
00:48:34.412 --> 00:48:36.178
That motherfucker
almost got me busted!
1001
00:48:36.180 --> 00:48:38.047
Hey, I saved your ass!
1002
00:48:38.049 --> 00:48:41.284
If it wasn't for me, those cops
would've left here suspicious!
1003
00:48:41.286 --> 00:48:42.652
Gus, shut the fuck up!
1004
00:48:42.654 --> 00:48:46.489
Dude, you broke out
of fuckin' prison?
1005
00:48:47.759 --> 00:48:48.858
Yeah.
1006
00:48:48.860 --> 00:48:50.126
[screams]
1007
00:48:50.128 --> 00:48:51.761
God damn, Jesse!
1008
00:48:51.763 --> 00:48:53.696
Could've got us all busted
for hiding you out!
1009
00:48:53.698 --> 00:48:56.232
We didn't know we were
hiding you out! Fuck, man!
1010
00:48:59.103 --> 00:49:00.903
You said you served
your time, dude!
1011
00:49:01.940 --> 00:49:04.106
I lied.
1012
00:49:04.108 --> 00:49:07.743
Look, man, I'm sorry.
I have 16 months left.
1013
00:49:07.745 --> 00:49:08.744
Oh, God.
1014
00:49:08.746 --> 00:49:09.845
Does Butterfly know?
1015
00:49:09.847 --> 00:49:12.281
¶¶ [rap]
1016
00:49:12.283 --> 00:49:14.884
[engine revs]
1017
00:49:14.886 --> 00:49:16.252
[tires screech]
1018
00:49:19.657 --> 00:49:22.258
You're my favorite
cousin, Sean.
1019
00:49:22.260 --> 00:49:26.462
You always been there for me.
1020
00:49:26.464 --> 00:49:28.564
I wasn't gonna miss
your big day.
1021
00:49:28.566 --> 00:49:31.701
I did it 'cause I love you, cuz,
I swear to God.
1022
00:49:34.739 --> 00:49:36.939
Jesus.
1023
00:49:36.941 --> 00:49:38.274
Fuck!
1024
00:49:38.276 --> 00:49:39.775
I'm so sorry.
1025
00:49:42.914 --> 00:49:45.715
Where the fuck is Floyd?
1026
00:49:47.952 --> 00:49:49.952
I had to shut his ass up.
1027
00:49:53.024 --> 00:49:54.557
[muffled scream]
1028
00:49:56.694 --> 00:49:59.929
[mumbles]
1029
00:50:03.001 --> 00:50:05.668
Hey, Floyd, how you doin'?
1030
00:50:05.670 --> 00:50:09.038
We're having a great time.
Just wanna let you know.
1031
00:50:09.040 --> 00:50:12.074
And I'm really sorry
about all of this.
1032
00:50:12.076 --> 00:50:15.478
Just so you know,
before I remove this gag,
1033
00:50:15.480 --> 00:50:19.615
everything is cool,
so just be cool, okay?
1034
00:50:22.353 --> 00:50:23.619
Did I hear shooting?
1035
00:50:23.621 --> 00:50:25.054
Are the police still here?
1036
00:50:25.056 --> 00:50:26.422
Did anybody get shot?
1037
00:50:26.424 --> 00:50:28.357
Did they get in the shootout
with the cops?
1038
00:50:28.359 --> 00:50:30.059
Is anybody bleeding?
if they're bleeding--
1039
00:50:30.061 --> 00:50:31.360
[mumbles]
1040
00:50:31.362 --> 00:50:33.262
No blood in the house!
1041
00:50:33.264 --> 00:50:34.497
No!
1042
00:50:34.499 --> 00:50:38.067
Get me out of here!
[screams]
1043
00:50:38.069 --> 00:50:41.437
Dick don't even realize what
an altruistic move that was.
1044
00:50:41.439 --> 00:50:44.507
The goddamn hero of the hour.
1045
00:50:44.509 --> 00:50:47.543
Hey, don't let the bullshit
get you down, Gus.
1046
00:50:47.545 --> 00:50:49.712
You had good intentions, bro.
That's all that matters.
1047
00:50:49.714 --> 00:50:53.249
Let's lighten the mood,
keep the party going for Sean.
1048
00:50:53.251 --> 00:50:54.917
Cheers.
1049
00:50:54.919 --> 00:50:57.787
What makes you think I need you
to lighten my fuckin' mood?
1050
00:50:57.789 --> 00:51:00.056
I can lighten
my own goddamn mood.
1051
00:51:00.058 --> 00:51:01.323
Oh.
1052
00:51:01.325 --> 00:51:03.559
Oh, calm down, Gus.
1053
00:51:03.561 --> 00:51:05.428
Calm down?
I am calm, okay?
1054
00:51:05.430 --> 00:51:06.829
I was really calm
until you came over here
1055
00:51:06.831 --> 00:51:09.131
like Florence Fuckin'
Nightingale
1056
00:51:09.133 --> 00:51:10.399
with your little toast.
1057
00:51:10.401 --> 00:51:11.434
I propose a toast.
1058
00:51:11.436 --> 00:51:12.935
Hey, everybody! Hey, guys!
1059
00:51:12.937 --> 00:51:16.038
I'd like to propose a toast,
a toast to Miles!
1060
00:51:16.040 --> 00:51:17.606
Miles, the only guy I know
1061
00:51:17.608 --> 00:51:20.609
who's so perfect,
his shit don't stink!
1062
00:51:20.611 --> 00:51:21.877
Cheers!
1063
00:51:21.879 --> 00:51:24.880
What's your problem
with me, Gus?
1064
00:51:24.882 --> 00:51:28.117
What makes you think I got
a problem with you, Mr. Perfect?
1065
00:51:28.119 --> 00:51:29.552
I'm not perfect, Gus.
1066
00:51:29.554 --> 00:51:31.620
Oh, I know that.
I've been watching your games.
1067
00:51:31.622 --> 00:51:33.389
You damn sure
ain't perfect, okay?
1068
00:51:33.391 --> 00:51:36.258
If I'd gone professional by now,
I'd be better than ever
1069
00:51:36.260 --> 00:51:38.160
because I'd be using the
knowledge and the understanding
1070
00:51:38.162 --> 00:51:40.463
and the wisdom that I've
accumulated throughout the years
1071
00:51:40.465 --> 00:51:42.698
and combined that
with my God-given talent.
1072
00:51:42.700 --> 00:51:44.366
But you're not me.
You're number two!
1073
00:51:44.368 --> 00:51:46.569
You're still number two!
Remember that!
1074
00:51:48.873 --> 00:51:49.972
MILES: Whatever.
1075
00:51:49.974 --> 00:51:52.741
Oh, whatever? Whatever?
1076
00:51:52.743 --> 00:51:55.411
I'll show you whatever.
Let's take it to the ice!
1077
00:51:55.413 --> 00:51:58.280
- What?
- You heard me, Mr. Hockey Star.
1078
00:51:58.282 --> 00:52:00.950
I challenge you to a shootout.
First three points.
1079
00:52:00.952 --> 00:52:02.518
- I got sticks, pucks.
- [Sean laughs]
1080
00:52:02.520 --> 00:52:03.953
What are you
fuckin' laughin' at?
1081
00:52:03.955 --> 00:52:06.088
I got sticks, pucks
and everything in the car.
1082
00:52:06.090 --> 00:52:09.258
I'm so real with it
I even got a fuckin' goal!
1083
00:52:09.260 --> 00:52:10.459
Let's go!
1084
00:52:13.131 --> 00:52:15.030
What's the matter, Miles,
you scared?
1085
00:52:15.032 --> 00:52:17.299
You're scared? Huh?
1086
00:52:17.301 --> 00:52:20.302
Let's rock it!
Let's do this.
1087
00:52:20.304 --> 00:52:23.439
¶¶ [sports fanfare]
1088
00:52:23.441 --> 00:52:25.007
Watch close, chumps.
1089
00:52:25.009 --> 00:52:28.611
You're about to watch
a master at work.
1090
00:52:30.481 --> 00:52:32.548
Oh, come on!
1091
00:52:32.550 --> 00:52:35.618
Do your thing, Miles!
Show us that thing!
1092
00:52:35.620 --> 00:52:38.387
Watch close, punks!
1093
00:52:41.325 --> 00:52:43.459
- Aah!
- Ohh!
1094
00:52:43.461 --> 00:52:45.060
Come on, Miles,
punk-ass bitch!
1095
00:52:45.062 --> 00:52:47.129
Nothing gets past!
1096
00:52:47.131 --> 00:52:48.831
Oh!
1097
00:52:48.833 --> 00:52:51.967
That's why he's
the motherfucking best!
1098
00:52:51.969 --> 00:52:54.603
Shut the fuck up!
I'm just warming up!
1099
00:52:56.974 --> 00:52:59.542
Ohh!
1100
00:52:59.544 --> 00:53:02.211
Bee-yotch! You scared?
Do you wanna get past?
1101
00:53:02.213 --> 00:53:03.946
Ohh!
1102
00:53:03.948 --> 00:53:05.648
Ah, shit!
1103
00:53:05.650 --> 00:53:09.585
Now watch the magic, bitches.
1104
00:53:09.587 --> 00:53:11.954
- Ohh!
- It's good though.
1105
00:53:11.956 --> 00:53:14.123
Just follow through, brother.
Just follow through.
1106
00:53:14.125 --> 00:53:17.493
Shut up! It's all part of
my strategy, dumb-asses.
1107
00:53:17.495 --> 00:53:19.061
- Watch this!
- Miles! Miles!
1108
00:53:19.063 --> 00:53:20.162
Go ahead.
1109
00:53:20.164 --> 00:53:22.198
Here come the pain!
1110
00:53:23.234 --> 00:53:24.667
Ohh!
1111
00:53:26.304 --> 00:53:27.970
All right, I got this.
1112
00:53:27.972 --> 00:53:29.939
I'm just warmin' up here anyway.
Come on!
1113
00:53:29.941 --> 00:53:33.342
I'm a stenchy bitch.
Nothing gets past me. Nothing!
1114
00:53:33.344 --> 00:53:34.810
This is what I do!
1115
00:53:36.013 --> 00:53:38.147
Ohh!
1116
00:53:38.149 --> 00:53:39.582
Thataboy!
1117
00:53:39.584 --> 00:53:42.384
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1118
00:53:42.386 --> 00:53:44.220
Yeah! We done?
1119
00:53:44.222 --> 00:53:47.489
Oh, that's cool.
I just forgot to warm up.
1120
00:53:47.491 --> 00:53:49.191
If I was playing on ice
with my skates,
1121
00:53:49.193 --> 00:53:50.392
I would've rocked it.
1122
00:53:50.394 --> 00:53:51.927
Thank you.
1123
00:53:51.929 --> 00:53:54.230
Can I get a beer now?
Can we finally start drinking?
1124
00:53:54.232 --> 00:53:57.433
I'll be right back.
Gotta go take a leak.
1125
00:53:57.435 --> 00:54:00.369
[grunts]
1126
00:54:00.371 --> 00:54:03.772
[whistles]
1127
00:54:08.846 --> 00:54:10.346
Ah, yeah.
1128
00:54:10.348 --> 00:54:14.450
¶ Sweet smell of victory ¶
1129
00:54:14.452 --> 00:54:20.189
[humming]
1130
00:54:20.191 --> 00:54:22.791
[crying]
1131
00:54:32.536 --> 00:54:34.737
So what's up?
1132
00:54:37.275 --> 00:54:38.841
[sighs]
1133
00:54:43.547 --> 00:54:45.814
You all right?
1134
00:54:45.816 --> 00:54:49.418
I've been thinking about
what you've been sayin'.
1135
00:54:49.420 --> 00:54:51.487
And the truth is,
1136
00:54:51.489 --> 00:54:58.227
the idea of spending the rest
of my life with one woman
1137
00:54:58.229 --> 00:55:00.729
fuckin' terrifies me.
1138
00:55:03.334 --> 00:55:06.368
You have no idea
how long I've been waiting
1139
00:55:06.370 --> 00:55:08.737
to hear you say this.
1140
00:55:08.739 --> 00:55:12.608
Look, Irene,
she's a great girl, man.
1141
00:55:12.610 --> 00:55:14.843
But marriage,
hey, this is...
1142
00:55:14.845 --> 00:55:16.712
Maybe you just need
to slow down a little bit.
1143
00:55:16.714 --> 00:55:18.547
The problem is, bro,
the wedding's tomorrow.
1144
00:55:18.549 --> 00:55:20.549
It's not like I can
just call it off.
1145
00:55:20.551 --> 00:55:22.351
I'd go down as
the biggest asshole
1146
00:55:22.353 --> 00:55:23.819
in the history of assholes.
1147
00:55:23.821 --> 00:55:27.056
It's never too late.
It is never too late.
1148
00:55:27.058 --> 00:55:31.860
Sean, you and I have been best
friends since the fourth grade.
1149
00:55:31.862 --> 00:55:34.963
We've always had
each other's backs,
1150
00:55:34.965 --> 00:55:37.700
and we have each other's
backs right now.
1151
00:55:37.702 --> 00:55:41.904
If you don't wanna
go through with this...
1152
00:55:41.906 --> 00:55:44.106
I'll pay for everything.
1153
00:55:44.108 --> 00:55:46.775
I will take the heat.
1154
00:55:50.715 --> 00:55:53.048
You don't even know
what you wanna do, do you?
1155
00:55:53.050 --> 00:55:55.684
Because you've
lost perspective.
1156
00:55:55.686 --> 00:55:59.221
That is exactly why
it is so important
1157
00:55:59.223 --> 00:56:02.591
that you have a taste
the good life tonight
1158
00:56:02.593 --> 00:56:05.627
to get your senses back.
1159
00:56:09.467 --> 00:56:11.767
[exhales]
1160
00:56:12.770 --> 00:56:15.070
What time does
Epiphany get here?
1161
00:56:15.072 --> 00:56:16.972
Yes!
1162
00:56:16.974 --> 00:56:18.507
[laughs]
1163
00:56:18.509 --> 00:56:20.476
All right. All right.
1164
00:56:20.478 --> 00:56:23.178
- I love you!
- [laughs]
1165
00:56:25.182 --> 00:56:26.315
[exhales]
1166
00:56:29.286 --> 00:56:31.987
Pull it together,
pull it together.
1167
00:56:31.989 --> 00:56:34.323
[exhales]
It's okay.
1168
00:56:34.325 --> 00:56:38.360
You're still number one.
You're still the Gus-man.
1169
00:56:38.362 --> 00:56:40.696
Oh!
[grunts]
1170
00:56:41.732 --> 00:56:43.132
Hey, good game.
1171
00:56:43.134 --> 00:56:45.734
Yeah, man, good game,
good game, great game.
1172
00:56:45.736 --> 00:56:47.269
- Hey, Gus.
- Yeah.
1173
00:56:47.271 --> 00:56:49.271
Do you remember junior year,
1174
00:56:49.273 --> 00:56:51.473
the big game against Riverdale
High when I missed the goal
1175
00:56:51.475 --> 00:56:53.909
- and we lost that game?
- Yeah.
1176
00:56:53.911 --> 00:56:56.078
Do you remember what
I asked you after the game?
1177
00:56:56.080 --> 00:56:57.312
No.
1178
00:56:57.314 --> 00:56:59.415
I asked you if you thought
I had what it takes.
1179
00:56:59.417 --> 00:57:02.017
Do you remember your answer?
1180
00:57:02.019 --> 00:57:04.186
No.
1181
00:57:04.188 --> 00:57:07.790
Well, you asked me if I thought
I had what it takes.
1182
00:57:07.792 --> 00:57:09.625
And I said yeah.
Then you said,
1183
00:57:09.627 --> 00:57:12.494
"Then it doesn't matter what
the hell anybody else thinks."
1184
00:57:12.496 --> 00:57:14.596
I said that?
1185
00:57:14.598 --> 00:57:16.265
Hell yeah, you did.
1186
00:57:17.401 --> 00:57:19.001
Gus.
1187
00:57:19.003 --> 00:57:21.770
I never forgot that, ever.
1188
00:57:21.772 --> 00:57:25.340
And I hope you didn't
forget it either.
1189
00:57:25.342 --> 00:57:28.110
I mean, you're a coach.
1190
00:57:28.112 --> 00:57:29.978
A coach!
1191
00:57:29.980 --> 00:57:33.816
Just think about how much
Coach Modesto influenced us.
1192
00:57:33.818 --> 00:57:36.585
You're doing the same thing
for these kids.
1193
00:57:36.587 --> 00:57:39.354
That is a lot
to be proud of, man.
1194
00:57:39.356 --> 00:57:41.223
[Gus scoffs]
1195
00:57:41.225 --> 00:57:42.758
You're right.
Thank you.
1196
00:57:42.760 --> 00:57:44.426
- You bet.
- Thank you.
1197
00:57:44.428 --> 00:57:46.728
Let's grab a beer, man.
I wanna hear all about the team.
1198
00:57:46.730 --> 00:57:48.163
- All right.
- All right.
1199
00:57:48.165 --> 00:57:50.032
Basically, I got
a really good team, right?
1200
00:57:50.034 --> 00:57:52.835
But the teams today, they gotta
be the laziest sons of bitches
1201
00:57:52.837 --> 00:57:54.403
- who ever lived!
- Yeah, they are.
1202
00:57:54.405 --> 00:57:56.405
GUS: They really are.
1203
00:57:56.407 --> 00:57:59.107
Part of my plan was for Sean
to get fucked up tonight.
1204
00:57:59.109 --> 00:58:01.376
I wanted him to have the
kind of fun we used to have.
1205
00:58:01.378 --> 00:58:03.212
I don't want him
to get too drunk
1206
00:58:03.214 --> 00:58:04.947
'cause if he does,
he'll be so hungover,
1207
00:58:04.949 --> 00:58:06.682
he'll be happy to leave
this life behind.
1208
00:58:06.684 --> 00:58:08.383
Plus I paid a mint
for Epiphany,
1209
00:58:08.385 --> 00:58:10.752
and he's gonna enjoy it
if it fuckin' kills me.
1210
00:58:10.754 --> 00:58:14.156
I ain't seen him
this happy, man.
1211
00:58:14.158 --> 00:58:16.391
I just hope Irene
ride like Butterfly.
1212
00:58:16.393 --> 00:58:19.661
I just have to know
when to take his MFD,
1213
00:58:19.663 --> 00:58:21.563
his motherfuckin' drink.
1214
00:58:21.565 --> 00:58:25.267
I have to get me
another MFD...
1215
00:58:27.505 --> 00:58:29.304
Not that I was checking,
1216
00:58:29.306 --> 00:58:31.440
but Kayla's social media page
said that she was leaving
1217
00:58:31.442 --> 00:58:35.878
for Chicago tomorrow night
to accept the job.
1218
00:58:35.880 --> 00:58:40.082
I guess it is what it is.
1219
00:58:45.523 --> 00:58:47.890
What? What? What?
1220
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:52.528
I appreciate you being
my best man, bro.
1221
00:58:52.530 --> 00:58:54.396
Where are you going with this?
1222
00:58:54.398 --> 00:58:58.901
I'm saying...
I appreciate you.
1223
00:58:58.903 --> 00:59:01.403
I gotta take a shit.
1224
00:59:07.411 --> 00:59:09.978
I just wish we were closer.
1225
00:59:17.521 --> 00:59:19.154
Between me and you,
1226
00:59:19.156 --> 00:59:20.689
it's been pretty tight
since my assistant coach left.
1227
00:59:20.691 --> 00:59:22.357
We're already losing.
1228
00:59:22.359 --> 00:59:24.359
Now we're the biggest losers
in the state.
1229
00:59:24.361 --> 00:59:26.094
It's so fuckin' magnanimous.
1230
00:59:26.096 --> 00:59:27.863
And the principal
just told me the other day
1231
00:59:27.865 --> 00:59:30.933
if I don't turn this shit around
now, they're gonna fire my ass.
1232
00:59:30.935 --> 00:59:32.568
Coaching is my life.
1233
00:59:32.570 --> 00:59:36.238
If I lose that gig, I might
just lose my reason to live.
1234
00:59:36.240 --> 00:59:37.973
I know I act like
everything's great,
1235
00:59:37.975 --> 00:59:41.076
but I'm really
struggling, man.
1236
00:59:41.078 --> 00:59:43.512
Bro, I feel you, man.
1237
00:59:43.514 --> 00:59:45.314
I'm struggling, too.
1238
00:59:45.316 --> 00:59:47.149
You struggling?
Come on, man.
1239
00:59:47.151 --> 00:59:49.084
I was just hating when
I said all that stuff
1240
00:59:49.086 --> 00:59:51.320
about you losing your skills.
You still got it, okay?
1241
00:59:51.322 --> 00:59:53.555
Be proud.
1242
00:59:53.557 --> 00:59:54.790
I appreciate that.
1243
00:59:54.792 --> 00:59:57.192
It's the truth.
1244
00:59:57.194 --> 01:00:00.662
But I know I can't keep up
with these young boys.
1245
01:00:00.664 --> 01:00:02.531
I'm not trying to.
I just...
1246
01:00:02.533 --> 01:00:05.867
I don't know what the hell
I'm gonna do with myself
1247
01:00:05.869 --> 01:00:07.903
after I retire.
1248
01:00:07.905 --> 01:00:09.605
I don't have any hobbies.
1249
01:00:09.607 --> 01:00:11.773
I don't wanna be
a sportscaster
1250
01:00:11.775 --> 01:00:16.311
or an actor
or anything like that.
1251
01:00:18.482 --> 01:00:21.316
I mean, between you and me,
1252
01:00:21.318 --> 01:00:25.454
it's all got me
a little depressed.
1253
01:00:25.456 --> 01:00:27.689
Actually, it's, uh...
1254
01:00:27.691 --> 01:00:30.592
it's got me a lot depressed.
1255
01:00:30.594 --> 01:00:33.261
[sighs]
I'm seeing a therapist.
1256
01:00:36.133 --> 01:00:37.899
It's really hard
keeping a positive face
1257
01:00:37.901 --> 01:00:40.002
for my wife and family,
you know?
1258
01:00:42.206 --> 01:00:45.574
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
1259
01:00:45.576 --> 01:00:47.409
God damn!
1260
01:00:47.411 --> 01:00:51.446
I guess shit really ain't
greener on the other side.
1261
01:00:51.448 --> 01:00:53.382
I mean, I'm just saying
I'm sorry, bro.
1262
01:00:53.384 --> 01:00:55.117
Don't sweat it.
I'm sure you'll find it.
1263
01:00:55.119 --> 01:00:56.852
It's gotta be something
right under your nose.
1264
01:00:56.854 --> 01:00:58.854
I mean, you'll find something.
1265
01:00:58.856 --> 01:01:00.622
I wish I could have
a real pro like you
1266
01:01:00.624 --> 01:01:02.157
to be my assistant coach.
1267
01:01:02.159 --> 01:01:04.326
That bitch-ass principal
won't talk about firing me then.
1268
01:01:04.328 --> 01:01:07.062
Plus I'd have somebody on
my team who understands the game
1269
01:01:07.064 --> 01:01:09.564
damn near as well as I do.
1270
01:01:09.566 --> 01:01:10.999
I'll do it.
1271
01:01:12.569 --> 01:01:15.604
Nah, I--
Are you serious?
1272
01:01:15.606 --> 01:01:18.974
Serious as an ice fight, man.
Yeah, I'll do it.
1273
01:01:18.976 --> 01:01:21.376
Hell yeah!
1274
01:01:21.378 --> 01:01:22.744
Oh, man!
1275
01:01:22.746 --> 01:01:25.547
Let's go do some shots
or something. Come on! Yes!
1276
01:01:29.720 --> 01:01:31.053
You're cool?
1277
01:01:35.726 --> 01:01:37.059
Ah.
1278
01:01:41.298 --> 01:01:42.097
I'm cool.
1279
01:01:42.099 --> 01:01:44.066
Good. Then stay cool.
1280
01:01:49.606 --> 01:01:51.640
Here, come on, okay.
1281
01:01:51.642 --> 01:01:52.841
Incoming!
1282
01:01:52.843 --> 01:01:55.077
[laughs]
1283
01:01:55.079 --> 01:01:57.045
Oh, you havin'
a good time, Stan?
1284
01:01:57.047 --> 01:01:59.414
I want you to have
a good time, Stan.
1285
01:01:59.416 --> 01:02:03.151
You know, you haven't smiled
since we were kids, Stan.
1286
01:02:03.153 --> 01:02:05.287
Come on, stop with that
affectionate shit.
1287
01:02:05.289 --> 01:02:07.189
- Seriously.
- What? What?
1288
01:02:07.191 --> 01:02:12.427
Brothers should be able to
share affection with each other.
1289
01:02:12.429 --> 01:02:16.231
Yeah, save that shit
for your bitch.
1290
01:02:16.233 --> 01:02:18.567
What did you just say?
1291
01:02:18.569 --> 01:02:22.170
I said save that shit
for your bitch.
1292
01:02:30.214 --> 01:02:32.147
Don't call Irene a bitch.
1293
01:02:35.285 --> 01:02:36.852
Fuck you.
1294
01:02:36.854 --> 01:02:41.289
If I wanna call her a bitch,
I'll call her a bitch.
1295
01:02:41.291 --> 01:02:44.459
You know, I am so sick
of your negativity.
1296
01:02:44.461 --> 01:02:48.430
What are you
gonna do about it?
1297
01:02:52.803 --> 01:02:54.636
Bitch.
1298
01:02:57.908 --> 01:02:59.341
- You fuck!
- Oh! Oh!
1299
01:02:59.343 --> 01:03:01.343
[screams]
It's a fight!
1300
01:03:01.345 --> 01:03:02.511
[yelling]
1301
01:03:02.513 --> 01:03:05.046
Hey, guys--
1302
01:03:05.048 --> 01:03:06.381
Oh! Look what you did!
1303
01:03:06.383 --> 01:03:07.282
Whoa, whoa!
1304
01:03:07.284 --> 01:03:09.751
Hey, guys, look what he did!
1305
01:03:09.753 --> 01:03:10.952
[screams]
1306
01:03:12.890 --> 01:03:15.824
Shit! Shit!
1307
01:03:15.826 --> 01:03:17.125
[groaning]
1308
01:03:17.127 --> 01:03:19.161
Shit! Fuck!
1309
01:03:19.163 --> 01:03:21.863
You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.
1310
01:03:21.865 --> 01:03:23.098
You're brothers!
1311
01:03:23.100 --> 01:03:24.366
I can't feel my left side.
1312
01:03:24.368 --> 01:03:26.134
Sean started it!
It's his fault!
1313
01:03:26.136 --> 01:03:29.671
And I'm sure you gave him
a very good damn reason.
1314
01:03:29.673 --> 01:03:34.442
You are one very unhappy and
bitter motherfucker, Stanley.
1315
01:03:34.444 --> 01:03:37.345
And that's something
you have to work out!
1316
01:03:37.347 --> 01:03:39.447
But despite it all,
your brother here
1317
01:03:39.449 --> 01:03:43.185
is one of the very last
creatures on this planet
1318
01:03:43.187 --> 01:03:44.452
who loves you.
1319
01:03:44.454 --> 01:03:45.821
He really does.
1320
01:03:45.823 --> 01:03:50.659
And I think it's high time
you recognized that.
1321
01:03:50.661 --> 01:03:52.627
[doorbell rings]
1322
01:03:52.629 --> 01:03:54.629
Fucking Ulysses!
1323
01:04:04.107 --> 01:04:06.341
You must be Epiphany.
1324
01:04:08.178 --> 01:04:12.480
Yes, ma'am,
I will send him right in.
1325
01:04:12.482 --> 01:04:14.482
Just wanna say also
that it's an honor
1326
01:04:14.484 --> 01:04:17.385
to actually meet you
in person.
1327
01:04:17.387 --> 01:04:19.721
Finally.
1328
01:04:19.723 --> 01:04:22.224
Heard a lot about you.
1329
01:04:32.569 --> 01:04:33.768
Whew.
1330
01:04:36.039 --> 01:04:38.306
My friend...
1331
01:04:38.308 --> 01:04:40.475
it's the moment of truth.
1332
01:04:40.477 --> 01:04:44.212
You're a grown-ass man.
I can't tell you what to do.
1333
01:04:44.214 --> 01:04:48.316
But here's your opportunity
to prove to yourself
1334
01:04:48.318 --> 01:04:51.686
some of the old Sean
is still in you.
1335
01:04:53.090 --> 01:04:55.290
I'm proud of you.
1336
01:05:08.605 --> 01:05:09.638
[sighs]
1337
01:05:20.851 --> 01:05:22.417
I can't.
1338
01:05:23.520 --> 01:05:24.653
What?
1339
01:05:26.690 --> 01:05:28.757
I can't do it.
1340
01:05:29.993 --> 01:05:31.927
AARON: What are you
talking about?
1341
01:05:31.929 --> 01:05:34.663
I can't do it to Irene.
1342
01:05:34.665 --> 01:05:36.298
Sean.
1343
01:05:36.300 --> 01:05:38.400
What do you mean
you can't do it?
1344
01:05:38.402 --> 01:05:41.836
Dude, you said you were
gonna go all out tonight.
1345
01:05:41.838 --> 01:05:43.438
Come on!
1346
01:05:45.509 --> 01:05:47.909
Do you realize what you're
about to do to yourself?
1347
01:05:47.911 --> 01:05:49.344
Get your ass in there!
1348
01:05:49.346 --> 01:05:50.578
- Hey, hey!
- If you don't go in that room--
1349
01:05:50.580 --> 01:05:52.647
Get the fuck off
my brother, all right?
1350
01:05:52.649 --> 01:05:55.483
If he don't wanna cheat on
Irene, he doesn't have to.
1351
01:05:55.485 --> 01:05:59.387
And none of you guys are
gonna make him feel guilty
1352
01:05:59.389 --> 01:06:01.756
about that decision.
1353
01:06:03.193 --> 01:06:04.659
Come on, bro.
1354
01:06:05.796 --> 01:06:07.329
I'll take you home.
1355
01:06:07.331 --> 01:06:09.631
Irene's waiting on you.
1356
01:06:10.500 --> 01:06:13.702
What the fuck is going on?
1357
01:06:13.704 --> 01:06:16.638
Are you serious?
1358
01:06:16.640 --> 01:06:17.639
Sorry.
1359
01:06:17.641 --> 01:06:21.242
GUS: Be a lot cooler if you did!
[laughs]
1360
01:06:21.244 --> 01:06:23.912
Hey, bro, hold on a second.
1361
01:06:23.914 --> 01:06:27.649
Look, man, I'm sorry
I yelled at you and grabbed you,
1362
01:06:27.651 --> 01:06:30.785
but I'm sure you can understand
where it's coming from.
1363
01:06:30.787 --> 01:06:33.321
I'm just trying
to protect you, man.
1364
01:06:33.323 --> 01:06:35.523
I'm doing this
for your own good.
1365
01:06:41.631 --> 01:06:42.764
Party sucks.
1366
01:06:44.167 --> 01:06:46.434
Hello, Miss Epiphany.
1367
01:06:46.436 --> 01:06:49.771
It's an honor
on behalf of everyone.
1368
01:06:49.773 --> 01:06:53.375
I would like to apologize
for the delay.
1369
01:06:53.377 --> 01:06:56.277
And I wanted to let you know
that I will personally
1370
01:06:56.279 --> 01:07:00.348
pay any penalty
1371
01:07:00.350 --> 01:07:03.284
or inconvenience made.
1372
01:07:05.088 --> 01:07:08.757
¶¶ [chorale]
1373
01:07:14.097 --> 01:07:15.864
Look, Aaron.
1374
01:07:17.968 --> 01:07:20.335
I'm in love with Irene.
1375
01:07:20.337 --> 01:07:22.237
I wanna marry her.
1376
01:07:22.239 --> 01:07:23.705
I wanna spend the rest
of my life with her.
1377
01:07:23.707 --> 01:07:26.474
I know that
sounds crazy to you,
1378
01:07:26.476 --> 01:07:28.676
but she makes me happy.
1379
01:07:30.414 --> 01:07:32.947
I hope you can find
that kind of love, too.
1380
01:07:38.355 --> 01:07:39.654
See you later, yeah?
1381
01:08:08.919 --> 01:08:11.953
I'm gonna go home,
make love to my wife.
1382
01:08:21.064 --> 01:08:22.564
Damn.
1383
01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:25.934
What'd I miss?
1384
01:08:39.316 --> 01:08:41.382
I failed, Floyd.
1385
01:08:41.384 --> 01:08:45.887
Thought I could stop it,
but I couldn't.
1386
01:08:45.889 --> 01:08:47.856
All this was for nothing.
1387
01:08:49.893 --> 01:08:52.760
For nothing? For nothing?
1388
01:08:52.762 --> 01:08:57.298
I put my life on the line
for nothing?
1389
01:08:57.300 --> 01:09:00.568
You're sitting over there
feeling sorry for yourself.
1390
01:09:00.570 --> 01:09:04.706
I'm over here, I'm contemplating
my own mortality.
1391
01:09:04.708 --> 01:09:08.209
Do you have any idea
what's gonna happen to me
1392
01:09:08.211 --> 01:09:09.811
when Joy comes home?
1393
01:09:09.813 --> 01:09:11.513
Do you?
1394
01:09:11.515 --> 01:09:14.782
I'm over here mourning
the loss of a best friend.
1395
01:09:14.784 --> 01:09:17.418
You're over there
spooked by a woman
1396
01:09:17.420 --> 01:09:19.787
who's a hundred miles
away from here, Floyd!
1397
01:09:19.789 --> 01:09:23.858
We have plenty of time to clean
this goddamn fuckin' shit!
1398
01:09:23.860 --> 01:09:27.428
Calm the fuck down!
God damn! Fuck!
1399
01:09:29.966 --> 01:09:32.600
What the hell?
1400
01:09:34.304 --> 01:09:35.503
Oh, no.
1401
01:09:36.406 --> 01:09:40.341
Oh, hey, Joy. Uh...
1402
01:09:40.343 --> 01:09:43.378
We weren't expecting you
home so soon.
1403
01:09:43.380 --> 01:09:45.914
It's good to see you!
1404
01:09:45.916 --> 01:09:49.918
And just so you know,
none of this was Floyd's idea.
1405
01:09:49.920 --> 01:09:51.486
This was all me.
1406
01:09:51.488 --> 01:09:54.322
I will pay for everything.
1407
01:09:56.259 --> 01:09:58.259
Floyd!
1408
01:09:58.261 --> 01:10:01.829
Floyd!
1409
01:10:01.831 --> 01:10:03.464
Floyd!
1410
01:10:03.466 --> 01:10:07.335
Calm the fuck down.
1411
01:10:11.942 --> 01:10:14.042
What did you say to me?
1412
01:10:16.846 --> 01:10:18.012
You heard me.
1413
01:10:18.014 --> 01:10:23.718
I said calm the fuck down.
1414
01:10:23.720 --> 01:10:28.289
It's time I remind you I am
the man of this goddamn house!
1415
01:10:28.291 --> 01:10:32.427
Okay? So you,
you can go to your room,
1416
01:10:32.429 --> 01:10:35.430
you can unpack your shit,
and you can wait
1417
01:10:35.432 --> 01:10:38.933
while I finish
with my friend.
1418
01:10:38.935 --> 01:10:41.703
Then... I'll come.
1419
01:10:41.705 --> 01:10:46.341
And we can have
a sensible talk.
1420
01:10:49.212 --> 01:10:51.446
Do it now, Joy!
1421
01:10:52.249 --> 01:10:54.549
Okay. Floyd.
1422
01:10:54.551 --> 01:10:57.919
But when you come talk to me,
be ready.
1423
01:11:01.625 --> 01:11:03.191
To be honest,
1424
01:11:03.193 --> 01:11:05.860
I think Joy is gonna literally
beat Floyd to death.
1425
01:11:05.862 --> 01:11:07.562
But that's not important.
1426
01:11:07.564 --> 01:11:09.497
When Floyd stood up to Joy,
1427
01:11:09.499 --> 01:11:12.634
he faced his greatest fear.
1428
01:11:12.636 --> 01:11:16.104
And how many of us
can say that?
1429
01:11:21.511 --> 01:11:23.244
AARON: Sure you don't
want a lift?
1430
01:11:23.246 --> 01:11:24.712
No, thanks, I'll make it.
1431
01:11:26.683 --> 01:11:29.817
So did your production last
night go the way you planned?
1432
01:11:29.819 --> 01:11:33.755
No, Uncle Ulysses,
I can't say it did.
1433
01:11:33.757 --> 01:11:36.924
Well, son, every man
has to walk his own path.
1434
01:11:36.926 --> 01:11:40.028
I don't think Sean really knows
what he's getting himself into.
1435
01:11:40.030 --> 01:11:42.830
I'm sure you know what
I'm talking about, right?
1436
01:11:42.832 --> 01:11:46.134
Seems like you and I are the
last soldiers still standing.
1437
01:11:46.136 --> 01:11:48.369
And thank God for guys
like you, Uncle Ulysses.
1438
01:11:48.371 --> 01:11:52.040
You're a real inspiration to me.
You never compromise.
1439
01:11:52.042 --> 01:11:53.975
You always live your life
on your own terms.
1440
01:11:53.977 --> 01:11:55.777
I mean, 2,500 women?
1441
01:11:55.779 --> 01:11:59.113
That sounds like
a good life to me.
1442
01:11:59.115 --> 01:12:01.716
Well, life is meant
to be experienced.
1443
01:12:01.718 --> 01:12:03.718
I've done a lot of partying,
1444
01:12:03.720 --> 01:12:06.087
lot of women-chasing
in my day.
1445
01:12:06.089 --> 01:12:07.422
Yes, you have.
1446
01:12:07.424 --> 01:12:08.856
But sometimes,
at the end of the day
1447
01:12:08.858 --> 01:12:11.859
when I'm just
sitting there with a drink,
1448
01:12:11.861 --> 01:12:15.330
I keep thinking about all
the good women I let get away.
1449
01:12:15.332 --> 01:12:18.433
Seems as though, no matter
how much partying I do
1450
01:12:18.435 --> 01:12:20.601
or fucking I do,
1451
01:12:20.603 --> 01:12:24.339
I just can't escape
the truth of life.
1452
01:12:24.341 --> 01:12:28.042
I guess that's why I always
keep it here with me.
1453
01:12:30.980 --> 01:12:34.148
Matter of fact, I think
it's time I show it to you.
1454
01:12:35.352 --> 01:12:36.584
Oh, no, Uncle Ulysses.
1455
01:12:36.586 --> 01:12:38.119
- Look, I--
- No, no!
1456
01:12:38.121 --> 01:12:39.954
I don't need to see that.
I really don't.
1457
01:12:39.956 --> 01:12:42.990
- No, you need to see this.
- I don't need--
1458
01:12:49.165 --> 01:12:50.631
Holy shit.
1459
01:12:51.701 --> 01:12:53.601
Well, I guess
I should be going.
1460
01:12:53.603 --> 01:12:56.504
See you tonight
at the wedding.
1461
01:13:31.408 --> 01:13:33.441
Irene, do you take Sean
1462
01:13:33.443 --> 01:13:35.543
to be your lawfully
wedded husband,
1463
01:13:35.545 --> 01:13:38.413
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
1464
01:13:38.415 --> 01:13:40.481
for richer, for poorer,
1465
01:13:40.483 --> 01:13:42.784
as long as you both
shall live?
1466
01:13:42.786 --> 01:13:44.352
It's really happening.
1467
01:13:44.354 --> 01:13:47.889
And I'm standing here
watching it happen.
1468
01:13:47.891 --> 01:13:50.491
Sean knows exactly
what he's getting into,
1469
01:13:50.493 --> 01:13:53.327
but he still looks happy.
1470
01:13:53.329 --> 01:13:55.296
How can he be happy?
1471
01:13:55.298 --> 01:13:57.331
Suddenly, the faces
of all the women
1472
01:13:57.333 --> 01:13:58.666
I've been with
throughout the years
1473
01:13:58.668 --> 01:14:00.835
flashed before my eyes.
1474
01:14:02.105 --> 01:14:04.071
Damn.
1475
01:14:04.073 --> 01:14:07.041
I can't even remember
most of their names.
1476
01:14:10.346 --> 01:14:14.615
I used to be happy
with a variety of women.
1477
01:14:14.617 --> 01:14:16.584
But now...
1478
01:14:17.554 --> 01:14:19.821
even that's getting boring.
1479
01:14:22.192 --> 01:14:24.358
I used to be so happy
in the club.
1480
01:14:24.360 --> 01:14:26.394
Thought if I wasn't out
partying and meeting women,
1481
01:14:26.396 --> 01:14:28.296
I was missing something.
1482
01:14:28.298 --> 01:14:30.565
Now I realize...
1483
01:14:30.567 --> 01:14:32.934
I ain't missing shit.
1484
01:14:34.037 --> 01:14:35.369
Besides,
1485
01:14:35.371 --> 01:14:38.840
do I really wanna be
the old man in the club?
1486
01:14:41.344 --> 01:14:44.312
You need to stop
being so afraid.
1487
01:14:49.419 --> 01:14:51.519
What am I afraid of?
1488
01:14:51.521 --> 01:14:55.656
After all the theories and
legends about the suitcase,
1489
01:14:55.658 --> 01:14:58.259
it was empty.
1490
01:14:58.261 --> 01:14:59.460
Empty?
1491
01:14:59.462 --> 01:15:01.329
What the fuck?
1492
01:15:02.499 --> 01:15:06.567
¶¶
1493
01:15:11.441 --> 01:15:13.741
What am I afraid of?
1494
01:15:22.519 --> 01:15:24.886
What am I afraid of?
1495
01:15:31.961 --> 01:15:34.762
What the fuck
am I afraid of?!
1496
01:15:34.764 --> 01:15:37.598
[murmuring]
1497
01:15:40.270 --> 01:15:41.269
Sorry.
1498
01:15:41.271 --> 01:15:43.170
Sorry.
1499
01:15:49.812 --> 01:15:52.046
And, Sean, do you take Irene
1500
01:15:52.048 --> 01:15:54.815
to be your lawfully
wedded wife,
1501
01:15:54.817 --> 01:15:57.785
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish
1502
01:15:57.787 --> 01:15:59.520
for richer, for poorer,
1503
01:15:59.522 --> 01:16:01.689
as long as you both
shall live?
1504
01:16:03.059 --> 01:16:04.825
I do.
1505
01:16:04.827 --> 01:16:07.328
Then by the power
vested in me by God
1506
01:16:07.330 --> 01:16:09.830
and the state of California,
1507
01:16:09.832 --> 01:16:12.667
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1508
01:16:12.669 --> 01:16:15.336
You may kiss your bride.
1509
01:16:18.007 --> 01:16:22.243
¶¶ [Wedding March]
1510
01:16:33.690 --> 01:16:35.289
Oh, shit.
1511
01:16:36.225 --> 01:16:38.526
No worries.
I'll tell Sean.
1512
01:16:38.528 --> 01:16:40.394
You better hurry.
1513
01:16:49.739 --> 01:16:51.238
Fuck!
1514
01:16:54.444 --> 01:16:55.710
Fuck!
1515
01:17:28.711 --> 01:17:30.711
[engine starts]
1516
01:17:37.620 --> 01:17:38.886
Kayla!
1517
01:17:40.423 --> 01:17:42.056
Aaron?
1518
01:17:43.526 --> 01:17:45.059
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
1519
01:17:46.029 --> 01:17:48.629
What-- What are you doing?
1520
01:17:48.631 --> 01:17:50.598
Oh! You're still here!
1521
01:17:50.600 --> 01:17:52.833
[pants]
I'm okay, I'm okay.
1522
01:17:52.835 --> 01:17:56.303
I just needed
to tell you something.
1523
01:17:56.305 --> 01:17:59.373
If you leave, I will slit
my wrist with a butter knife.
1524
01:17:59.375 --> 01:18:01.409
I will drown myself
in a puddle.
1525
01:18:01.411 --> 01:18:04.612
I will throw myself in front of
a speeding yellow school bus
1526
01:18:04.614 --> 01:18:06.681
full of bad-ass kids.
1527
01:18:06.683 --> 01:18:08.282
[sighs]
1528
01:18:08.284 --> 01:18:11.318
Just don't go.
1529
01:18:12.822 --> 01:18:15.790
Aaron, I really
appreciate you coming here
1530
01:18:15.792 --> 01:18:19.193
and getting hit
by a car and all.
1531
01:18:19.195 --> 01:18:22.163
I've had to do
some thinking, too.
1532
01:18:22.165 --> 01:18:24.165
Now I'm the one who's afraid.
1533
01:18:24.167 --> 01:18:27.368
I've got a few things
to figure out.
1534
01:18:29.972 --> 01:18:32.206
Like you said, maybe...
1535
01:18:32.208 --> 01:18:35.209
Maybe a change is
just what I need.
1536
01:18:36.646 --> 01:18:39.080
Please don't think
I won't miss you.
1537
01:18:43.753 --> 01:18:45.820
I love you.
1538
01:18:48.991 --> 01:18:51.292
I love you, too, Aaron.
1539
01:18:52.295 --> 01:18:54.195
I really do.
1540
01:19:05.641 --> 01:19:07.374
Goodbye.
1541
01:19:13.216 --> 01:19:15.282
[engine starts]
1542
01:19:27.964 --> 01:19:30.965
Well, I guess this is
how it all ends for me.
1543
01:19:30.967 --> 01:19:32.399
It's funny.
1544
01:19:32.401 --> 01:19:35.803
You never know
how life will turn out.
1545
01:19:35.805 --> 01:19:39.406
Sean is officially
a married man.
1546
01:19:39.408 --> 01:19:43.377
As crazy as it sounds,
I've never seen him so happy.
1547
01:19:43.379 --> 01:19:47.815
I can't help but wonder
what the other guys are up to.
1548
01:19:53.322 --> 01:19:58.559
I hope they're all out there
doing what makes them happy.
1549
01:19:58.561 --> 01:20:02.163
Or being with
whoever makes them happy.
1550
01:20:04.400 --> 01:20:08.068
'Cause at the end of the day,
1551
01:20:08.070 --> 01:20:11.138
it's all about being happy.
1552
01:20:14.477 --> 01:20:18.412
Hell, I bet even Floyd and Joy
found their happiness.
1553
01:20:25.721 --> 01:20:28.255
But what about me?
1554
01:20:28.257 --> 01:20:29.757
I'm not totally sure,
1555
01:20:29.759 --> 01:20:33.127
but I think
the empty suitcase means...
1556
01:20:33.129 --> 01:20:36.163
life is empty without love.
1557
01:20:37.500 --> 01:20:41.135
At least I think
that's what it means.
1558
01:20:42.972 --> 01:20:44.572
It's like I always say,
1559
01:20:44.574 --> 01:20:46.640
if you wanna be
successful with women,
1560
01:20:46.642 --> 01:20:48.943
you have to overcome fear.
1561
01:20:48.945 --> 01:20:51.645
Fear of love,
fear of commitment,
1562
01:20:51.647 --> 01:20:53.380
fear of yourself.
1563
01:20:53.382 --> 01:20:55.216
Whatever.
1564
01:20:55.218 --> 01:20:57.451
You can't be afraid.
1565
01:20:59.155 --> 01:21:01.288
Wanna know something?
1566
01:21:03.626 --> 01:21:06.093
I'm not afraid anymore.
1567
01:21:16.806 --> 01:21:19.974
¶¶