1 00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,265 ¶ 2 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:27,613 Well, this is pretty much the grossest thing I've seen. 3 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,784 No, ma'am. It's actually a lot better than that. 4 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,088 Let me, let me pull something up on my computer really fast. 5 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,523 Oh, there it is. 6 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:40,859 Um, did you know that nine out of ten doctors 7 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:44,429 recommend this as the only way to quit smoking? 8 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,932 Can you hold on a second? Fuck you! Fuck! 9 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,301 Fuck you. Fuck you, fucker. 10 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,136 -Hey, Tim. -Oh, hey, Evan. 11 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,471 Have you guys put together the numbers 12 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,006 for Friday's presentation yet? 13 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,374 What presentation? 14 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,609 Phallusite. Phallusite presentation. 15 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,845 Oh, is that the bigger dick thing pill-- 16 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,881 -Natural male enhancement, yeah. -Right. 17 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,716 -Does that thing even work? -It totally works. 18 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,352 -Heard it turns your junk green. -It still works. 19 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,521 Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it works. 20 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,124 All that matters is that we land the account, all right? 21 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:16,061 And then I can remove "acting" from acting sales manager. 22 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,596 Hmm, well, I'm on it, man. 23 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,631 -You can count on me. -Thank you. 24 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:24,203 Pick it up. Pick up the gun. 25 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,472 -They never... -Tim. 26 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,741 -Tim. -I'm on a sales call. 27 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,544 Ma'am, listen, if you're not gonna buy this-- 28 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,479 -You're gonna die. -Shit! 29 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,481 Boo! Tagged your ass, pussy. 30 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,483 You, too? Mike, get to work. 31 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,486 -You owe me 50 bucks. -Shit! 32 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,691 Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks? 33 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:51,797 Hey, Evan. Sorry to be a nudge, but you wouldn't happen to have 34 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:54,866 that $20 you owe me for the NCAA tournament pool, would you? 35 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,435 Yeah, yeah, sure. Sorry. 36 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,670 It's been such a bear collecting from people. 37 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,272 Kinda short on cash this month. 38 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,708 My cat has a cleft palate he needs surgery for. 39 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,410 He's constantly lapping milk into his eyes. 40 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,979 It's really tragic. 41 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,385 Okay, bada-bada-bada... 42 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,853 That's baseball, dumb ass. 43 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,122 Oh, I'm sorry. Did I fuck up the rules 44 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,390 of this incredibly well-defined and professional sport 45 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,292 that we just came up with? 46 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:24,396 Yeah, I'm just saying that this is clearly a basketball throw. 47 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,632 Okay, but I'm sure someone has thrown a baseball-- 48 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,133 Yeah, nobody has ever thrown a baseball. 49 00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,901 -In the history of baseball-- -No adult male has. 50 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,937 In the history of baseball, major league baseball... 51 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,372 [CLEARS THROAT] 52 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,074 -Uh, can I help you? -Yes, thank you, actually. 53 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,845 I'm supposed to be working with Evan Sanders today. 54 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,381 -Yeah, he comes in at 9:30. -It's 10:45. 55 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,016 Look, look, you can actually see it vibrate. 56 00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:45,817 Of course, because there's more than one element. 57 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,186 So is Evan here or should I grab a cubicle-- 58 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,421 You'll know when he gets here, okay? 59 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,223 He'll start bugging you for shit. 60 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:54,459 Now, if you need something to do, you can get me coffee. 61 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,161 -Aren't you already drinking-- -Hey, sport. 62 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,663 You see that garbage over there? 63 00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:01,633 Grab it and throw it in the dumpster in the garage. 64 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,535 Don't we have a good janitor who can do that? 65 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,172 Yeah, well, his time's valuable. Goodbye! 66 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,342 -All right. -Byeee! 67 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,545 Don't waste those. 68 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,281 Five-five. This is it. 69 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,683 -That's the one. -This is the one. 70 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,551 -I can feel it. -All right. 71 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,589 [SCREAMS] Yes! 72 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,938 [METAL CLANKING] 73 00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,078 [METAL CLANKING] 74 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,915 [LOUD CLANKING] 75 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,652 Identify yourself, soldier. 76 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:58,156 Oh, uh, I'm Jack, the new intern. 77 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,558 I'm just taking out the trash. 78 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,126 -Don't we have a janitor? -You do. 79 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,527 [SCREAMS] 80 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,796 -Jerry. -Frank. 81 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,833 Follow protocol. 82 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:12,070 It's my first day. 83 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:16,608 Thanks for pitching in. 84 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:36,395 [LOUD CLANKING] 85 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:41,133 [SCREAMING] 86 00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:43,802 [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 87 00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:49,975 -Screws up his equilibrium. -What's up, dildos? 88 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,544 Hey there, Andrew. Sorry to be a Pokety Paul, 89 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,012 but you wouldn't happen to have 90 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,548 that money you owe me for the NCAA pool, do you? 91 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,517 -Didn't I lose that thing? -It's not about that. 92 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,852 It's about office fun. [CHUCKLES] 93 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,356 My cat's got a cleft palate, is allergic to some types of air. 94 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:05,824 -Hey, Mike. -Fuck off! 95 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,360 All right. A little early for that kind of language, 96 00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:10,629 but tomorrow works for me too, buddy. 97 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,331 -All right, well, see you. -See you, Dave. 98 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,000 Real nice, guys. 99 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,035 No one pays Dave, he's gonna stop running the pools. 100 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:20,906 No, he's not. It's the only way anyone ever talks to the guy. 101 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,541 Tim, 102 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,343 I thought you were working on the Phallusite presentation. 103 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,279 What's Phallusite? 104 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:30,415 You kidding me? Have you guys done any work today? 105 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,817 No. 106 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,085 AMANDA: Hey, boys. 107 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,520 ALL: Hey! 108 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:39,257 Damn! For head of HR, you look fucking sexy. 109 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,226 Too kind, too kind. 110 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,896 -Mandy, can we please talk? -Don't call me Mandy. 111 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,899 [MACHINE BEEPING] 112 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,001 Andrew, how was your weekend? 113 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:53,004 Uh, it was good. I banged my neighbor. 114 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,506 Finally. All right! 115 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,374 You're talking about the hot Ukrainian chick? 116 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,742 Uh, it was actually her mom. 117 00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,645 -That's decent. Proud of you. -Mandy. 118 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:04,015 Please, can we talk privately? Just somewhere else. 119 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:07,452 Why? This is a corporate break room. 120 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,888 Since we just have a business relationship, 121 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:13,024 then, whatever it is that you need to say to me, 122 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:16,962 you can say in front of all of our business associates. 123 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:17,529 Right? 124 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,701 Okay, fine. All right. Look, what happened... What I... 125 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,604 I should have said, okay, is that-- 126 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:29,808 Hey, congratulations on that NCAA pool. 127 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,177 Yeah, thanks. You know, I actually hate Duke, 128 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,812 but they win, so... 129 00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,652 Well, uh... 130 00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:43,088 You guys have a great day. 131 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,893 Except for you. Hope yours is a horrible piece of shit. 132 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:51,696 -Well, not if yours isn't first. -Right. 133 00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,267 Hey, I don't want to overstep my bounds, 134 00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,402 but what the fuck! Jesus! 135 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,004 I don't want to talk about it. 136 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,207 Okay, that was just really uncomfortable, that was like-- 137 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,910 I will. I know the story. I'll totally talk about it. 138 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,616 So, they're together. Just the two of them, right? 139 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,588 Evan. 140 00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,758 I love you. 141 00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:23,261 No. 142 00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:31,503 MIKE: [LAUGHS] How could you just say no? 143 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,538 You could have said anything else, 144 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,940 like literally anything. 145 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,542 I can't even wrap my brain 146 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,679 around the way, like, you would say no. 147 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,614 Fire! This could have been the one time 148 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,349 -you could have said fire. -No. 149 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,551 Could've called her a bitch, that would have been better. 150 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,520 -Just silence, just... -No. 151 00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,522 You could have spoken in tongues. 152 00:09:50,524 --> 00:09:53,592 You could have [TALKS GIBBERISH] 153 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,894 -Not even English. German! -Nein. 154 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,797 I get it, okay. I get it. I understand. 155 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,967 Yes, I screwed up. I understand that, okay? 156 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,670 It just kind of came out, guys. I don't know what happened. 157 00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:07,572 I just screwed up. 158 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,807 You did screw up, man. 159 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:12,644 She is the coolest girl ever. 160 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,180 I mean, remember when she kicked all of our asses at paintball? 161 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:18,817 Why did she have all that camo on her face? Unreal. 162 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,419 Honestly, I bet dating her is like dating a guy. 163 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:25,957 Who is like a hot chick that has a, you know, like a penis. 164 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,127 So, not a girl? 165 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:33,632 No, still a girl. Did you not listen to what I just said? 166 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,166 -All right. -No, it's a hot girl 167 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,602 with a beautiful penis but she's still... 168 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:38,737 She's still a chick. 169 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,271 She just has guy parts. 170 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,742 -I-I get where you're going. -It's a feminine penis. 171 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,877 What if it was a guy with a vagina? 172 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,646 He makes a good point. 173 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,247 [SIGHS] 174 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,117 -I'm an idiot. -Yeah. 175 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,818 Yeah. 176 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:58,957 You know, you and me, a couple of margaritas. 177 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,593 That is so offensive. 178 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,028 Why? That isn't racist. 179 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,096 I know it's not racist. I like margaritas. 180 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,099 I'm just offended that you think I would date you. 181 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,501 [PHONE RINGING] 182 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:12,270 Has anyone seen Andrew? Andrew! 183 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,839 Hey, Andrew, could you please get your phone? 184 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,307 It's ringing off the hook, man. 185 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,810 Oh, probably one of my 186 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:22,480 man-like 15 female suitors. 187 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,315 Your suitors are man-like? 188 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,451 No, no, no. I mean, man-like man! 189 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:30,922 Not man like man-like. You know, man like man-- 190 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,590 Stop saying "man-like." 191 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,760 Could you get your phone? It's probably a sales call. 192 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,063 Probably a business-related sales call. 193 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:42,600 I'll give you the business-related later. 194 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,402 I'll talk to him, okay? 195 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:48,773 Uh, I heard what happened with you and Amanda breaking up. 196 00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:51,543 Oh, you heard about that? 197 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,445 Yeah, well, she's the head of HR, 198 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,814 and she put out a memo. 199 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,721 -Um, I-I-- -All right. 200 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,956 Andrew, get the phone! 201 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,460 -Evan. Can I bend your ear? -Yeah. Hey. 202 00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:09,894 How's the presentation coming? 203 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,196 You're gonna be ready by Friday? 204 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:14,666 Yeah, Friday. Yeah, sure, Ted. Yeah. 205 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,434 Yeah, we need this account, Evan. 206 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,902 Sales have been bad, 207 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,706 but if we land this fish, you'll save all our asses. 208 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:22,640 Yeah. 209 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,109 I know male enhancement 210 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,878 isn't the most glamorous product in the world but... 211 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,648 No. My sources tell me it works actually. 212 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,083 Tell me if you need anything, 213 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,319 'cause it's all hands on deck on this one. 214 00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,754 Yeah. 215 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:38,289 I'm making a pretty big announcement toady 216 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,892 about the next phase of our company's future. 217 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,528 I need to know you're gonna be a team player, 218 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,764 no matter what. 219 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:50,702 Yeah. Yeah, Ted. You can count on me. 220 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,437 My office, 10 minutes. 221 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,805 All right. 222 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,089 Hey, guys. Guys, guess what? 223 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,757 I think Ted's gonna make me sales manager. 224 00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,759 ALL: Oh! 225 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,462 Bam! Snap! 226 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,863 What? 227 00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:24,502 Bam, snap. It's like, a new catchphrase I'm trying. 228 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,939 -Yeah, it's not really working. -It's a work in progress. 229 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,541 -I love it. -Thank you, Mike. 230 00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:30,909 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 231 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,410 I'm still working on the inflection but... 232 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,345 -Ted's office in 10. -It's a catchphrase. 233 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,014 I feel like everyone needs one in the office. 234 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,582 -That's why... -Yeah, it's good though. 235 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:41,152 Yeah. We really need to start bringing fruit into this. 236 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,054 -We can eat it. -I'm not ready for fruit. 237 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:48,126 [KNOCK AT DOOR] 238 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,296 Hey, Amanda. Mandy. Amanda. 239 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,431 Uh, sorry. Sorry to bother you, 240 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,467 but Ted wants everyone in his office. 241 00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:59,904 He's got an announcement to make, I guess. 242 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,006 -Okay, got it. -Okay. 243 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:07,145 I think he's gonna make me sales manager. [CHUCKLES] 244 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,714 -Is that so? -Yeah. 245 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,449 Finally get that promotion. 246 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:14,919 It's kinda crazy. I can't believe it. 247 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,789 It is so adult. Manager, you know? 248 00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:20,124 I feel like it was just, you know, 249 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:23,828 yesterday when we were kids, just laughing 250 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:27,165 and just saying stupid stuff. 251 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:32,503 And now, we're looking after the kids. 252 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,907 Right? You know, I was listening to NPR this morning. 253 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,176 They were talking about the monogamy of gibbons, 254 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,980 and it's just the cutest thing I've ever seen. 255 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,415 Or heard. It was on the radio, 256 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:47,518 but they had these sound bites, you know? They're 257 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,623 a little chirping, you know. These sweet monkey nothings-- 258 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,124 Evan. I have some things to do. 259 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:56,027 -So if you'll excuse me. -Yeah, I'm gonna... Okay. 260 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:59,130 -Uh, check in five. -Right. 261 00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:08,539 So, I'm sorry to say without major improvements, 262 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,608 we're gonna have to start laying some people off. 263 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,076 [COUGHS] Mike! 264 00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:15,380 It's time for a change. 265 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:21,085 Corporate [SIGHS] thinks we need an official sales manager again. 266 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,154 And I couldn't agree more. 267 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:27,091 So I'm proud to announce our new manager of sales, 268 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,193 Max Phillips. 269 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,995 [SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE] 270 00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,965 -No, no, no. Not Max. -Who the hell is Max? 271 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,266 What the hell is going on right now? 272 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,268 Max, Evan and I went to college together. 273 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,770 It's kind of a long story. 274 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,338 -Hey, Evan. -Sup? [THUD] 275 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,674 -That wasn't a long story. -No. 276 00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:46,411 Oh, did I mention that Max slept with Evan's girlfriend, 277 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,846 so Evan had Max kicked out of school for cheating, 278 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,882 so Max punched Evan in the face? 279 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,251 No. You skipped all that. 280 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,419 Question. 281 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,121 -What do we sell here? -Shake weights. 282 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,190 -Power mustaches. -The Abinatrix. 283 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,960 No, Michael. We sell dreams. 284 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,027 [WHISPERS] He knows my name. 285 00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:07,131 Sales is... seduction. 286 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,901 And when you seduce, 287 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,437 do you say, "I have a 401k"? 288 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,572 Or "I floss"? No. 289 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,008 You say... 290 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:21,012 "I love you." 291 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,347 [CLEARS THROAT] 292 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,951 Because people make decisions from the heart. 293 00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,053 If you wanna sell a bunch of useless crap 294 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,289 to fat losers in Alabama 295 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,925 and bored housewives in Iowa, 296 00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:36,861 feed their dreams. 297 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,629 Convince them. 298 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:43,468 Their lives can transcend the pointless slog of being human. 299 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,804 Give them hope, open their eyes 300 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:51,609 to something... bigger. 301 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:57,849 Sink your teeth into their poor pathetic lives. 302 00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:00,151 And give them life. 303 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,122 And better abs. [CHUCKLES] 304 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:08,292 Our goal for this month is... 305 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:12,096 one million dollars in sales. 306 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:14,232 It's aggressive, yes, 307 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,634 but I'm confident we can hit it. 308 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,739 And if we don't, Ted and I have already agreed... 309 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,543 we'll be forced to kill all of you. 310 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,944 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 311 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,780 So you better do what he says. 312 00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:35,486 So, come on, let's get out there and get selling. 313 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,489 -What the hell, Ted? -Now, hold on a minute. 314 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,224 No one ever promised you that job. 315 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,062 Oh, yeah, I-I know, but Max Phillips? 316 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,864 He's got an MBA. He's got a great track record. 317 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,232 He comes highly recommended. 318 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,302 He has some very interesting ideas for new hires. 319 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:54,172 Honestly, we're lucky to have him. 320 00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:58,609 How did you... Of all... 321 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,813 Now, this isn't gonna be a problem, now, is it? 322 00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:04,782 -You working for Max? -No. No! 323 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,250 Of course not, I just... 324 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,719 I would have liked a legitimate crack at the job 325 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,756 before you brought in someone else. 326 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:17,662 Look. I like you, Evan. I really do. 327 00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:20,631 I mean, you show up for work on time. 328 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:21,966 You work hard. 329 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,935 You legitimately give a shit. 330 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,970 Thank you. I do! 331 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,405 It's like I used to tell the bench players 332 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,706 back when I coached football, 333 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,541 "The most important people in the team 334 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,511 "are the ones who make the starters try." 335 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,214 Now, you get out there. There you go. 336 00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,860 Thank you, Jerry. 337 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,230 Those are the employee files I requested? 338 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,866 Oh, yes, I think so. 339 00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:57,201 It might be helpful if you were a little more specific 340 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,936 about exactly what it is you're looking for. 341 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:03,674 Listen, Amanda, I know you and Evan have a history, 342 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,777 and I know that you care about him. 343 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:10,481 Uh... I'm the head of HR. 344 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:14,051 So, it's highly inappropriate for me to discuss this-- 345 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,920 Sure, sure, sure. I'll tell you what. 346 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,155 [EERIE MUSIC] 347 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,958 After I settle in, you and I can 348 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,395 schedule some one-on-one and get to know each other. 349 00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:27,064 Yeah, that sounds nice. 350 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,334 -Hey, buddy. -Um... 351 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,136 Just a little HR talk. Thanks, Mandy. 352 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,172 -We'll circle... -Hey, that's my... 353 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,240 Where are you taking Fuzz Aldrin? 354 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,979 Fuzz Aldrin, the janitor has... Why? 355 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,814 Long time no see. Am I right? 356 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:52,290 Listen, Evan. I know you and I had a little falling out. 357 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,026 But as far as I'm concerned, 358 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,461 water under the bridge. 359 00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,197 -Ancient history. -Okay, good-- 360 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,731 It's all about the company now, right? 361 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,334 -Wait-- -I knew I could count on you. 362 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,002 This is mine-- 363 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:08,573 MIKE: Boom shaka laka. Who's the noob now, bitch? 364 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,907 Oh, now you wanna be a little kid. 365 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,343 Okay. Well, you can cry all night long 366 00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:14,879 'cause you just got your ass whupped by a grownup 367 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,514 with a big-ass dick. 368 00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:20,551 I'm gonna kill you. 369 00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,721 [ROARING] 370 00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,362 [SNARLING] 371 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:36,934 Yeah. 372 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:42,173 Yeah. No, I'mma fuck you up. I'm gonna fuck... 373 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:43,407 you up. 374 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,778 Yeah, I see you. Fuckin' eat that shit. 375 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:48,546 Hey. [GASPS] 376 00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:54,552 Jesus, man! You gotta fucking warn someone before you do that. 377 00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,254 Office hours are over. 378 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,823 Yeah, well, high-speed internet's free, 379 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,891 and Elaine left her Souplantation in the fridge. 380 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:04,395 So, velvet rope off this motherfucker right here 381 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,098 because this is gonna be my own personal club tonight. 382 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,666 -Okay. -Oh. 383 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,534 And I'm gonna be dialing up some Youjizz 384 00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,670 and busting out some knuckle children in a couple of minutes 385 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:15,539 so unless you wanna mop me up here and here 386 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,808 and here and a little bit here 387 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,910 -and some over here-- -I'll go take a smoke break. 388 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:22,713 [ROAR ON TV] 389 00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,550 Oh, yeah, I'm back. Oh, are the tears back? 390 00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:29,220 Good. Yeah, take that. 391 00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:32,790 Oh. Oh-ho. I hear the tears already coming. 392 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,892 [ROARING] 393 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,799 What the shit? 394 00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:45,436 I'm gonna go take a dump now. 395 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,873 If anyone wanna steal something from this company, 396 00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:51,942 I'd be gone way too long to do anything about it. 397 00:21:57,849 --> 00:22:00,851 [PANTING] 398 00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:01,919 [CLEARS THROAT] 399 00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:16,367 [CELLPHONE RING TONE PLAYING] 400 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:23,941 Ha. 401 00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:27,011 [CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY] Hilarious, man. 402 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:31,382 Turning the lights out on the guy in the shitter, man. 403 00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:34,051 You must be some kind of a prank savant, right? 404 00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:40,491 [LOUD THUD] 405 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:45,830 All right, man. Whoever's doing this better knock it off. 406 00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:47,698 [LOUD THUD] 407 00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:00,511 [WHIMPERING] 408 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:05,950 [SCREAMING] 409 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,085 [CAR BEEPS] 410 00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:21,599 Colonel Sanders. 411 00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:24,001 Still hilarious. Hey, is Mike here already? 412 00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,570 -His car is in the garage. -That's a negative, sir. 413 00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:28,539 -Do you know who Mike is? -That's a negative, sir. 414 00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:29,740 How do you know he's not here? 415 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,208 I unlocked the doors myself at 0600, 416 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:33,611 and no unfamiliars have penetrated my perimeter, 417 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:34,745 I've been on full alert. 418 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,680 [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER] 419 00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:40,584 So, full alert, huh? 420 00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:45,856 I believe I know this cat, sir. 421 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,528 [RADIO CHATTER CONTINUES] 422 00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:55,433 Okay, uh, at ease or carry on. 423 00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:05,876 Nah, I must be dreaming. 424 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:11,148 Max called me at 6 a.m. this morning to come in early. 425 00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:14,952 I haven't been up before dawn since straight is great camp 426 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,587 What? 427 00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:19,423 I wasn't gay. They just had a really good archery program. 428 00:24:19,425 --> 00:24:21,125 All right. So you've told me. 429 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,260 This situation sucks, dude. 430 00:24:23,262 --> 00:24:25,162 I mean, we gotta do something about this, right? 431 00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:26,931 I mean, can you believe how much they've screwed us here? 432 00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:28,566 Us? 433 00:24:28,568 --> 00:24:31,669 Yeah. I mean, I was all ready for you to become sales manager. 434 00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:33,504 I wanted that for you, man. 435 00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:36,340 'Cause what's better than having your best friend as your boss? 436 00:24:36,342 --> 00:24:37,675 -Yeah. -Now then... 437 00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:40,311 I mean, I would have gotten away with everything. 438 00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:41,812 But now... 439 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,316 I mean, you get me, man. 440 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:49,420 You know? You allow me to be me in the workplace. 441 00:24:49,422 --> 00:24:51,155 -Useless slacker. -Exactly. 442 00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,790 -Worthless. -Yeah. 443 00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:56,193 -Gotta have one. -I mean, look at me, man. 444 00:24:56,195 --> 00:24:57,528 Look at me. 445 00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:03,100 Our perfect routine is broken. 446 00:25:04,202 --> 00:25:08,539 Yeah, you, you are the real victim here. 447 00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:09,139 I know. 448 00:25:10,375 --> 00:25:14,845 But hey, man. You got hosed too, kinda. 449 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:15,913 Oh. 450 00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:18,015 By the way... 451 00:25:23,421 --> 00:25:24,889 No. 452 00:25:24,891 --> 00:25:29,260 No. You gotta be fucking kidding me. This is my desk now? 453 00:25:29,262 --> 00:25:34,532 Well, officially, it's still a photoprinter's desk. 454 00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:36,267 But you can share it. 455 00:25:39,404 --> 00:25:41,238 Do I get a chair? 456 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,742 [THUDDING] 457 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:52,349 [SCREAMING] 458 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,619 Holy fucking shit! 459 00:25:56,988 --> 00:25:58,222 [GAGGING] 460 00:25:58,224 --> 00:26:00,724 We're gonna get this place lean and mean, Theodore. 461 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:03,027 We are gonna separate the meat from the tallow. 462 00:26:03,029 --> 00:26:04,495 We're going-- 463 00:26:04,497 --> 00:26:06,463 Mike is dead. 464 00:26:06,465 --> 00:26:08,966 -Mike is fucking dead! -What? 465 00:26:08,968 --> 00:26:10,801 Mike is dead in the fucking bathroom. 466 00:26:10,803 --> 00:26:12,870 I went in there, and someone ate his... 467 00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:15,673 I don't know. I just had to go. I just needed to go. 468 00:26:15,675 --> 00:26:18,242 Jesus Christ, I'll never take a shit again. 469 00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:22,346 Evan, Evan, slow down. What's up now? 470 00:26:22,348 --> 00:26:23,681 Mike... 471 00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:27,184 He didn't... Dead... 472 00:26:27,186 --> 00:26:29,353 The bathroom. 473 00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:30,888 Ted, call security. 474 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:33,791 I still have to go. 475 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,595 -Hey, Frank , we have to have-- -Code one emergency. 476 00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:42,166 The forty dollars you owe me for the NCAA tournament pool. 477 00:26:42,168 --> 00:26:45,536 I'd join ya, but I gotta get these papers. 478 00:26:45,538 --> 00:26:47,271 Wait! Wait, wait, wait. 479 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:48,806 Don't open the door. 480 00:26:48,808 --> 00:26:52,509 I'm-I'm sorry. I just, I need to warn you. 481 00:26:52,511 --> 00:26:56,280 I hope you all have strong stomachs. 482 00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:57,748 -Oh, boy. -[WHISTLES] 483 00:26:57,750 --> 00:27:01,685 That's disgusting. I'll clean it again. It's-- 484 00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,087 What? No . 485 00:27:04,356 --> 00:27:08,425 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I-I... 486 00:27:08,427 --> 00:27:13,197 I am telling you, this stall was a fucking horror show. 487 00:27:13,199 --> 00:27:14,999 Evan, this isn't some way 488 00:27:15,001 --> 00:27:17,368 of stalling on the Phallusite presentation, is it? 489 00:27:17,370 --> 00:27:21,605 -The what? What? -The Phallusite presentation. 490 00:27:21,607 --> 00:27:23,374 It's tomorrow. If you're not ready-- 491 00:27:23,376 --> 00:27:24,975 No, no. I just... I-I... 492 00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:27,745 I'm not, I'm not ready yet, all right? I'm not... 493 00:27:27,747 --> 00:27:31,115 It will be ready, okay? It will... 494 00:27:31,117 --> 00:27:33,283 -Mike! -I'll deal with Mike 495 00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:36,286 whenever he decides to roll in to work today. 496 00:27:36,288 --> 00:27:38,455 You just keep your eye on the ball, huh? 497 00:27:38,457 --> 00:27:40,124 We're counting on you, slugger. 498 00:27:40,126 --> 00:27:41,291 [CLICKS TONGUE] 499 00:27:46,965 --> 00:27:51,702 No. No. What the fuck! 500 00:27:57,409 --> 00:27:59,076 Permission to speak freely. 501 00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:02,579 Jesus Christ, Frank. Can we drop the whole chain of command bit? 502 00:28:02,581 --> 00:28:05,749 I'm just not in the mood. 503 00:28:05,751 --> 00:28:08,986 You were right. Someone drew first blood. 504 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:21,031 I need to talk to you. 505 00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:24,234 Evan, if this is about us, I just can't at work. I have-- 506 00:28:24,236 --> 00:28:25,602 Mike is dead. 507 00:28:25,604 --> 00:28:27,271 What? 508 00:28:27,273 --> 00:28:30,007 I found him in the men's room. He was propped up in the stall 509 00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:32,309 like some fucked up marionette. 510 00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:35,446 There was blood everywhere. And then I went to get help, 511 00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:37,114 and he was gone. 512 00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:41,351 Oh, my God. I can't believe you're doing this right now. 513 00:28:41,353 --> 00:28:45,022 Doing what? Mike was dead in the bathroom. 514 00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:46,657 Did anyone else see the body? 515 00:28:46,659 --> 00:28:49,393 Well, no. I-I-I went to get help 516 00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:50,994 and then when I came back, he was gone. 517 00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:54,264 Jesus! Evan, he's fucking with you. It's Mike. 518 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:55,966 He's probably doing it as a joke. 519 00:28:55,968 --> 00:28:59,436 Let's not forget he's a complete asshole, okay? 520 00:28:59,438 --> 00:29:03,173 Yeah, he is kind of an asshole, but I-I-I don't know. 521 00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:06,009 -This looked pretty real. -Okay. 522 00:29:06,011 --> 00:29:09,646 All right, let's, uh, let's consider the possibilities then. 523 00:29:09,648 --> 00:29:12,616 Option one, somebody murdered Mike, 524 00:29:12,618 --> 00:29:14,284 left him in the bathroom and then moved 525 00:29:14,286 --> 00:29:15,919 the body when you went to get help. 526 00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:17,588 Well, when you put it that way-- 527 00:29:17,590 --> 00:29:21,892 Or option two is that the most obnoxious prick in the office 528 00:29:21,894 --> 00:29:25,129 who would rather do anything other than actually work, 529 00:29:25,131 --> 00:29:27,831 played a practical joke on you. 530 00:29:27,833 --> 00:29:29,233 Okay, now I'm gonna kill him. 531 00:29:29,235 --> 00:29:32,503 Yeah, well, you've got bigger fish to fry. 532 00:29:32,505 --> 00:29:34,238 Okay, Max is cleaning house. 533 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,974 Mike was probably getting fired even before the first stunt. 534 00:29:40,245 --> 00:29:42,746 I have to nail that presentation. 535 00:29:42,748 --> 00:29:44,081 Yeah. 536 00:29:45,917 --> 00:29:47,818 [CLEARS THROAT] 537 00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:50,454 Thank you. Thank you. 538 00:29:50,456 --> 00:29:52,089 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 539 00:29:52,091 --> 00:29:53,223 Don't you two have some work to do? 540 00:29:53,225 --> 00:29:54,758 -Not really. -Not really. 541 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,127 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 542 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:01,098 -Dave, right? -Yeah. 543 00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:03,267 I hear you're the guy to talk to about office pools. 544 00:30:03,269 --> 00:30:05,202 -Yeah. -Company sports czar. 545 00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,037 It's so weird. I have to try to get people 546 00:30:07,039 --> 00:30:08,539 -to call me that around here. -Oh, yeah? 547 00:30:08,541 --> 00:30:11,341 I should probably quit though. My cat, Puddles, he 548 00:30:11,343 --> 00:30:13,544 gets really jealous when I spend too much time on, 549 00:30:13,546 --> 00:30:14,711 his diabetes is acting off. 550 00:30:14,713 --> 00:30:16,146 Oh, nonsense. 551 00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:19,283 Morale is vital to the health of any company. 552 00:30:19,285 --> 00:30:21,351 And you make an important contribution. 553 00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:23,554 Let's pop into my man-cave, and you can give me the Vegas tips 554 00:30:23,556 --> 00:30:26,690 on the NBA playoffs and dirt on upcoming events, you know? 555 00:30:26,692 --> 00:30:28,392 Don't hit me. 556 00:30:28,394 --> 00:30:29,359 Man stuff, all right. 557 00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:30,761 -All right. -Come on. 558 00:30:30,763 --> 00:30:32,696 I got all sorts of ideas for other office pools. 559 00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:36,233 Competitive curling, fantasy fishing, ant bite... 560 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:37,901 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 561 00:30:37,903 --> 00:30:39,403 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 562 00:30:39,405 --> 00:30:41,104 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 563 00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:42,806 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 564 00:30:42,808 --> 00:30:44,775 Dude, the record. 565 00:30:44,777 --> 00:30:46,109 What's up, man. You all right? 566 00:30:47,445 --> 00:30:48,312 I... 567 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,848 I don't know. I don't know. 568 00:30:52,116 --> 00:30:56,220 Right now, I'm just trying to avoid getting fired. 569 00:30:56,222 --> 00:30:58,388 That's smart. That's a good plan. 570 00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:00,290 -Welcome to the club, right? -Right. 571 00:31:00,292 --> 00:31:02,759 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 572 00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:04,161 -Hup, hup, hup-- -Hup, hup, hup-- 573 00:31:09,167 --> 00:31:12,269 I want my $20 for the NCAA tournament pool. 574 00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:15,105 -I told you, man. I... -No excuses! 575 00:31:15,107 --> 00:31:17,107 You gambled, you lost. 576 00:31:17,109 --> 00:31:19,209 Now pay for your failures. 577 00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:20,577 You need to chill out, Brian. 578 00:31:20,579 --> 00:31:24,581 I will chill when I have your $20 as well, Tim. 579 00:31:24,583 --> 00:31:28,418 You have until 5 o'clock. Don't make me come find you. 580 00:31:28,420 --> 00:31:32,155 Evan, thank you for your thoughtful and prompt payment. 581 00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:34,091 It shall not be forgotten. 582 00:31:35,693 --> 00:31:37,027 I... 583 00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:41,698 What the fuck was that? 584 00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:43,300 I didn't even enter that pool. 585 00:31:43,302 --> 00:31:47,337 Ah, shit. Mike's computer's password protected. 586 00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:48,739 That's probably a good thing. 587 00:31:48,741 --> 00:31:50,474 There's an insane amount of porn on that. 588 00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:50,908 Uh... 589 00:31:52,343 --> 00:31:54,177 How the hell am I gonna get those sales figures? 590 00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:56,813 You mean, you want all the numbers, like... 591 00:31:56,815 --> 00:31:59,650 Yeah, yeah. The spreadsheets are on Mike's computer 592 00:31:59,652 --> 00:32:00,851 and that's locked, so-- 593 00:32:00,853 --> 00:32:02,219 Oh, you don't have the password? 594 00:32:02,221 --> 00:32:04,821 No, no. You know, I don't wanna know the password, 595 00:32:04,823 --> 00:32:07,691 so I'm gonna have to rebuild the excel files from scratch. 596 00:32:07,693 --> 00:32:10,260 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can totally help, you know. 597 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:12,095 Especially after what Ted did to you. 598 00:32:12,097 --> 00:32:13,730 That was just so horrible. 599 00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,632 I know. Right? Yeah. 600 00:32:15,634 --> 00:32:17,334 You must be having such a horrible day. 601 00:32:17,336 --> 00:32:18,702 So you think you can help me out? 602 00:32:18,704 --> 00:32:20,237 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 603 00:32:20,239 --> 00:32:23,507 I could totally go down to the basement, and, um... 604 00:32:23,509 --> 00:32:25,642 -grab the files for you. -That's great. 605 00:32:25,644 --> 00:32:29,179 You're a lifesaver, Zabs. Go-go do that, and then we'll talk. 606 00:32:29,181 --> 00:32:31,081 - Okay - Okay. Bye-bye. 607 00:32:31,083 --> 00:32:32,516 Bye. Run along. 608 00:32:32,518 --> 00:32:34,117 -Hup, hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup, hup. 609 00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:35,686 -Hup, hup, hup. -Hup, hup, hup. 610 00:32:35,688 --> 00:32:36,820 [THUD] 611 00:32:36,822 --> 00:32:38,488 -God. -MAN: Little help. 612 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:44,294 Really? Uh... 613 00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:46,430 Oh! 614 00:32:49,734 --> 00:32:51,101 [SIGHS] 615 00:32:56,574 --> 00:32:58,108 Ev-Evan? 616 00:33:00,712 --> 00:33:02,546 Okay. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] 617 00:33:02,548 --> 00:33:03,981 [GRUNTS] 618 00:33:05,183 --> 00:33:06,750 [CLOTH RIPS] Oh, shit. 619 00:33:06,752 --> 00:33:09,419 I just got this skirt. 620 00:33:09,421 --> 00:33:10,620 Come on. 621 00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:15,225 [SCREAMING] 622 00:33:15,227 --> 00:33:17,527 Please, it's not the world. It's just one night. 623 00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:18,729 I have kick ball. 624 00:33:18,731 --> 00:33:19,930 And you're starting pitcher tonight. 625 00:33:19,932 --> 00:33:21,832 I'm on that team. I never get to go. 626 00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:23,633 -He's terrible. -God damn, Tim! 627 00:33:23,635 --> 00:33:25,535 All right. Wh-what do I get if I stay? 628 00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:26,703 My undying gratitude. 629 00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:28,905 The respect and admiration of your peers. 630 00:33:28,907 --> 00:33:30,440 - It's not me. - Come on, man. 631 00:33:30,442 --> 00:33:32,943 - Something valuable. - Precious gems. 632 00:33:32,945 --> 00:33:34,311 Straight-up cash. 633 00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:36,113 If we land the account, all the Phallusite 634 00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:37,948 you'll ever need, free. 635 00:33:37,950 --> 00:33:39,116 - No. - Yes. 636 00:33:39,118 --> 00:33:40,817 - No. - Yes. 637 00:33:40,819 --> 00:33:42,486 - You should be in sales. - Yes! 638 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,389 Why do you care? I... 639 00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:48,592 I don't suppose I should even bother to ask you. 640 00:33:48,594 --> 00:33:51,561 Oh, I can't tonight. I've got Kelly Clarkson tickets. 641 00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:52,763 Oh, you had been talking about that. 642 00:33:52,765 --> 00:33:54,264 - Yeah. - All right. 643 00:33:54,266 --> 00:33:57,200 I like that Walk Away song, though, I do. 644 00:33:57,202 --> 00:33:58,668 [EXPLOSION] Boom! 645 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:01,238 Nuh! Aww, man! 646 00:34:02,006 --> 00:34:04,107 There goes all the burritos. 647 00:34:04,109 --> 00:34:06,176 This is a conventional oven, right? 648 00:34:06,178 --> 00:34:07,711 Well, you know, 649 00:34:07,713 --> 00:34:12,315 microwaving is a pretty inexact science, Tim, so... 650 00:34:12,317 --> 00:34:16,153 You know what? Can I be blunt? 651 00:34:16,155 --> 00:34:17,587 As opposed to how you normally are? 652 00:34:17,589 --> 00:34:21,324 So how long are you planning on punishing Evan? 653 00:34:21,326 --> 00:34:24,461 Jesus, Tim. I am not talking to you about this right now. 654 00:34:24,463 --> 00:34:26,296 Yes, you are, Mandy. Damn it. 655 00:34:26,298 --> 00:34:28,432 We are gonna have this conversation right now. 656 00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:31,068 Because, you know what? Evan is a good guy. 657 00:34:31,070 --> 00:34:33,637 You know it. I know it. All right. 658 00:34:33,639 --> 00:34:35,605 So he made one mistake. 659 00:34:35,607 --> 00:34:37,507 - He's human. - Yeah, well... 660 00:34:37,509 --> 00:34:40,010 It was a pretty big mistake, Tim. 661 00:34:40,012 --> 00:34:42,379 What do you want me to say? 662 00:34:42,381 --> 00:34:46,716 Okay, yeah. Evan hurt my feelings. 663 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:53,824 Yeah, I guess that's exactly what I wanted you to say. 664 00:34:53,826 --> 00:34:54,658 You said it. 665 00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:56,159 Well, yeah. 666 00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:59,830 Look, I'm not trying to pile on to you emotionally, 667 00:34:59,832 --> 00:35:01,131 Right. 668 00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:02,399 but look, we all think you're awesome. 669 00:35:02,401 --> 00:35:05,202 Yup, yup. Awesome Amanda. 670 00:35:05,204 --> 00:35:06,937 Dating me is like dating a dude. 671 00:35:06,939 --> 00:35:10,841 - It's really great. - Never heard anyone say that. 672 00:35:10,843 --> 00:35:10,974 [SCOFFS] 673 00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:17,080 It's not like I was expecting a fucking proposal, okay? 674 00:35:17,082 --> 00:35:20,350 And this may not have occurred to you, but it was actually 675 00:35:20,352 --> 00:35:24,054 really difficult for me to even say 676 00:35:24,056 --> 00:35:25,489 the "L" word, 677 00:35:25,491 --> 00:35:28,959 and please, do not make a lesbian joke right now. 678 00:35:28,961 --> 00:35:31,027 That seems inappropriate. I wouldn't have done that. 679 00:35:31,029 --> 00:35:32,796 You always make lesbian jokes. 680 00:35:32,798 --> 00:35:34,264 Not in front of lesbians. 681 00:35:35,399 --> 00:35:38,869 Or women, you know, with lesbian haircuts. 682 00:35:38,871 --> 00:35:39,402 Look. 683 00:35:40,938 --> 00:35:43,874 I wasn't even expecting him to say it back right away. 684 00:35:43,876 --> 00:35:47,077 But Jesus, Tim. "No?" 685 00:35:47,079 --> 00:35:48,545 Oh, yeah. 686 00:35:48,547 --> 00:35:53,216 He said no. Like what kind of a response is that? 687 00:35:53,218 --> 00:35:56,753 -Not a positive one. -Yeah. 688 00:35:56,755 --> 00:35:57,254 It would have... 689 00:35:58,789 --> 00:36:01,858 It would have honestly hurt less if he just would have said 690 00:36:01,860 --> 00:36:03,426 nothing at all. 691 00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:07,430 Hey, Evan. 692 00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:11,501 TIM: Hmm, shit. 693 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:14,704 Mandy is upset because I was using the microwave, 694 00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:17,174 and I just didn't understand how the buttons work, 695 00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:21,578 and I blew up my burrito, and it was, like, the fourth one. 696 00:36:21,580 --> 00:36:25,348 She wanted to microwave her salad, I think and... 697 00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:27,784 -We were talking about you. -Clearly. 698 00:36:27,786 --> 00:36:29,519 Amanda Baron. 699 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:33,790 Your friends call you Mandy, but Amanda is better, stronger. 700 00:36:33,792 --> 00:36:39,229 A name with fingernails I can dig into a man's back. 701 00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:41,097 Um... 702 00:36:41,099 --> 00:36:43,867 interesting observation. 703 00:36:46,304 --> 00:36:49,239 I smell lust. 704 00:36:50,341 --> 00:36:54,110 I can hear your heart all broken. 705 00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:55,946 And wet. 706 00:36:55,948 --> 00:36:58,348 That's really weird, okay? 707 00:36:58,350 --> 00:37:00,383 Evan doesn't deserve you. 708 00:37:01,385 --> 00:37:03,853 Perhaps you just need a woman's touch. 709 00:37:05,590 --> 00:37:07,624 Shouldn't you be answering the phones? 710 00:37:10,461 --> 00:37:12,229 I like your dress. 711 00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:20,770 No money was ever transferred. 712 00:37:20,772 --> 00:37:23,406 You can't just give yourself a checkmark. 713 00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:26,009 I put a checkmark on the board. That's a sale, man. 714 00:37:26,011 --> 00:37:27,744 [QUIVERING] 715 00:37:33,517 --> 00:37:35,518 Tick-tock, motherfucker. 716 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:46,730 Yes. Yes, you can borrow 20 bucks. 717 00:37:46,732 --> 00:37:47,297 Quick. 718 00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:51,935 So please, just give me your address and your e-mail 719 00:37:51,937 --> 00:37:55,472 and your Social Security, and I'll send it out. 720 00:37:57,008 --> 00:37:58,341 Go ahead. 721 00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:02,312 One... [WRISTWATCH BEEPING] 722 00:38:02,314 --> 00:38:06,549 Five o'clock. See you fuckers tomorrow. 723 00:38:06,551 --> 00:38:09,719 Oh, did anybody see which way Dave went? 724 00:38:17,094 --> 00:38:20,030 Hey, but I gave you 20 bucks. 725 00:38:20,032 --> 00:38:21,331 [SIGHS] 726 00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:33,576 -Evan? -Oh. 727 00:38:33,578 --> 00:38:35,445 Oh. Hi, Elaine, hi. 728 00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:39,482 Sorry. Sorry you lost your job. 729 00:38:40,618 --> 00:38:41,785 Oh. 730 00:38:50,394 --> 00:38:51,928 Oh, thank you, Elaine. 731 00:38:54,532 --> 00:38:56,333 All right, man. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. 732 00:38:56,335 --> 00:38:57,867 Phallusite. 733 00:38:59,470 --> 00:39:01,404 Well, it was worth a shot. 734 00:39:03,407 --> 00:39:05,041 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 735 00:39:05,043 --> 00:39:09,813 And you can call me Ward Cleaver 'cause I just banged out June. 736 00:39:09,815 --> 00:39:11,081 Nice. 737 00:39:11,083 --> 00:39:15,985 You can call me Uncle Ben because I just nailed May. 738 00:39:15,987 --> 00:39:17,487 Nice. 739 00:39:17,489 --> 00:39:20,957 Hey, we keep this up, we might not have to sleep here. 740 00:39:20,959 --> 00:39:22,625 Oh, Amen, brother. 741 00:39:25,329 --> 00:39:28,131 Oh shit. 742 00:39:28,133 --> 00:39:30,834 Zabeth only brought up the hard copies through July. 743 00:39:30,836 --> 00:39:33,236 Can you run downstairs and get August? 744 00:39:33,238 --> 00:39:34,337 In the basement? 745 00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:35,939 -Yeah. -Oh, man. 746 00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:38,575 That place has freaked me out ever since they found that 747 00:39:38,577 --> 00:39:39,943 whimsical gimp mask. 748 00:39:39,945 --> 00:39:42,812 You know, Elaine walked off with that. 749 00:39:42,814 --> 00:39:46,416 Come on, man. Please. Just go. Think of it as a field trip. 750 00:39:46,418 --> 00:39:48,351 You don't have to work for one minute. 751 00:39:48,353 --> 00:39:51,187 Actually, that's pretty good argument. 752 00:39:51,189 --> 00:39:52,856 There you go. 753 00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:05,935 Ooh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do it, Evan. 754 00:40:08,139 --> 00:40:08,605 Bad idea. 755 00:40:10,174 --> 00:40:14,244 Ah, fuck that. It was my office longer than it was his. 756 00:40:14,246 --> 00:40:15,512 [DOOR CREAKS] 757 00:40:16,213 --> 00:40:19,883 [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING] 758 00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:24,821 Oh, Jesus Christ, Zabeth. You scared the shit out of me. 759 00:40:24,823 --> 00:40:27,424 What the hell were you even doing down here? 760 00:40:31,695 --> 00:40:35,165 Oh, shit. Of course. 761 00:40:35,167 --> 00:40:37,000 [CLICKS TONGUE] 762 00:40:37,002 --> 00:40:38,902 Um, ass-hat? 763 00:40:39,837 --> 00:40:41,304 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 764 00:40:41,306 --> 00:40:46,342 I thought perhaps it was Evan coming down, but now I see. 765 00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:48,845 Why send a boy to do a man's job? 766 00:40:48,847 --> 00:40:51,247 Well, I couldn't agree more. 767 00:40:51,249 --> 00:40:52,582 The douche-nozzle. 768 00:40:52,584 --> 00:40:54,250 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 769 00:40:54,252 --> 00:40:56,586 [CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, I should stop doing that. 770 00:40:56,588 --> 00:40:59,489 You know, I always had a thing for you, right? 771 00:40:59,491 --> 00:41:01,157 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 772 00:41:01,159 --> 00:41:05,195 'Cause I always thought you wanted me to die in a car fire. 773 00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:08,832 Oh, no, no, no, no. Why would my baby think of me like that? 774 00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:13,570 Because you said, "Andrew, I hope you die in a car fire." 775 00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:18,107 Got some new hires, huh? 776 00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:21,678 Well, that's not a surprise. 777 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:26,216 You were very specific to the make, the model, the mileage. 778 00:41:26,218 --> 00:41:28,585 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 779 00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:31,354 I was just wasting my time pining on Evan. 780 00:41:31,356 --> 00:41:34,724 And Evan is just that. 781 00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:35,892 A waste. 782 00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:43,666 Oh, Max. You sick fuck. 783 00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:46,503 Okay, come on. Evan's my friend, 784 00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:48,738 and he's the only person in this office who... 785 00:41:48,740 --> 00:41:51,441 - Aah! - You're right. Fuck that guy. 786 00:41:51,443 --> 00:41:53,042 Well, Tim. I mean... 787 00:41:53,944 --> 00:41:55,545 What? Really? 788 00:41:56,547 --> 00:41:58,548 Oh, what are you doing? How do... 789 00:42:00,384 --> 00:42:01,551 Well... 790 00:42:02,553 --> 00:42:05,955 What? I'm the one person in the office 791 00:42:05,957 --> 00:42:08,157 you haven't made a decision on. 792 00:42:09,293 --> 00:42:10,860 Okay, full disclaimer. 793 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,162 There might be some slight discoloration issues down there, 794 00:42:13,164 --> 00:42:15,331 but if it helps, you can pretend you're boning the Hulk. 795 00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:16,799 Actually, I don't want to over promise that. 796 00:42:16,801 --> 00:42:18,368 Let's go with Kermit. 797 00:42:18,370 --> 00:42:20,203 Ho-ha! 798 00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:22,772 Huh! Well, well, well. 799 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:28,811 My buddy Ted will be very interested in this. 800 00:42:28,813 --> 00:42:31,514 I have severely underestimated the versatility 801 00:42:31,516 --> 00:42:33,550 of Anne Taylor Loft. 802 00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:37,887 Oh, God! You bit my lip. 803 00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,722 Do we need a safe word? [GROANS] Oh! 804 00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:41,424 Scream for me. 805 00:42:41,426 --> 00:42:44,360 Okay. You know what? I'm as kinky as the next guy. 806 00:42:44,362 --> 00:42:45,895 [LOUD THUD] 807 00:42:48,299 --> 00:42:50,033 Well, you have Zabeth. 808 00:42:51,001 --> 00:42:52,168 Oh, God! 809 00:42:52,170 --> 00:42:54,270 Okay, I took a self-defense class for women 810 00:42:54,272 --> 00:42:57,507 to pick up chicks, and the shit they teach you there is nasty. 811 00:42:57,509 --> 00:43:00,109 Dave? What the hell does he do? 812 00:43:00,111 --> 00:43:03,646 No! Foot stomp, eye gouge, crotch kick. 813 00:43:03,648 --> 00:43:05,715 -Excellent suggestion. -[GROANS] Ah! 814 00:43:11,388 --> 00:43:12,822 Well, that's different. 815 00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:22,532 Oh, God! 816 00:43:22,534 --> 00:43:25,268 I will still fuck you if you scream. 817 00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:26,736 What the hell does that mean? 818 00:43:26,738 --> 00:43:29,739 [SCREAMS] Oh, God! 819 00:43:29,741 --> 00:43:31,674 I just didn't say when. 820 00:43:36,180 --> 00:43:37,714 All right, Max. 821 00:43:38,816 --> 00:43:42,385 We'll see what Ted has to say about this. 822 00:43:45,990 --> 00:43:50,360 Oh, man, you would not believe what I... 823 00:43:50,362 --> 00:43:54,998 Are you... Son of a bitch! If you bailed on me... 824 00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:01,704 Andrew? 825 00:44:03,707 --> 00:44:07,910 Dude, if this is another fucking bit like Mike's... 826 00:44:07,912 --> 00:44:10,613 -Run. -Whoa, whoa, whoa! 827 00:44:10,615 --> 00:44:13,883 Oh, shit! Andrew, you all right? 828 00:44:13,885 --> 00:44:16,653 Okay, okay, hold on. I'm gonna get help. 829 00:44:27,698 --> 00:44:29,666 [LOUD THUD] 830 00:44:52,790 --> 00:44:54,257 [DOOR CLICKS] 831 00:44:58,462 --> 00:45:00,997 What the fuck is happening? 832 00:45:03,834 --> 00:45:06,869 Somebody here went to Harvard? 833 00:45:06,871 --> 00:45:08,304 [GLASS CLINKS] 834 00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:22,185 Who the fuck would do this? 835 00:45:27,224 --> 00:45:28,357 Max. 836 00:45:31,395 --> 00:45:36,766 Max. You fucking asshole. 837 00:45:46,643 --> 00:45:47,977 [CLINK] 838 00:45:53,884 --> 00:45:59,155 [SONG PLAYING OVER RADIO] 839 00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,769 Oh fuck! 840 00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:16,105 [WHIMPERS] 841 00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:18,775 Oh, come on 842 00:46:21,812 --> 00:46:23,980 Amanda. Amanda, it's me. I'm at the office. 843 00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:25,481 I just saw Andrew get killed. 844 00:46:25,483 --> 00:46:28,384 And now they're after me, and I think it's Max. 845 00:46:28,386 --> 00:46:31,154 MAX: Oh, gosh, buddy. That hurts my feelings. 846 00:46:31,156 --> 00:46:34,323 I'm sure Amanda is great in a crisis, 847 00:46:34,325 --> 00:46:37,527 but don't you think this call is more suited to 911? 848 00:46:37,529 --> 00:46:38,895 What have you done with Amanda? 849 00:46:38,897 --> 00:46:43,332 I just devoured her fabulous Ossobuco 850 00:46:43,334 --> 00:46:46,402 Who knew Mandy was such a demon in the kitchen? 851 00:46:46,404 --> 00:46:51,240 Absolutely open another bottle as long as it's red. 852 00:46:51,242 --> 00:46:52,408 What? 853 00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:57,980 Max, you son of a bitch. You listen to me, right now! 854 00:46:57,982 --> 00:46:59,148 [DOOR KNOB RATTLES] 855 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:02,151 -Oh, fuck! -Do I hear banging? 856 00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:05,454 On your end. I mean, there's no banging happening here, yet. 857 00:47:05,456 --> 00:47:07,423 [DOOR KNOB RATTLING] 858 00:47:07,425 --> 00:47:09,492 Wait, are you on my phone? 859 00:47:09,494 --> 00:47:11,060 It's Evan calling to tell us 860 00:47:11,062 --> 00:47:14,730 he's absolutely crushing the presentation tomorrow. 861 00:47:14,732 --> 00:47:15,798 Do you want to talk to him? 862 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:17,567 [LOUD THUD] 863 00:47:17,569 --> 00:47:21,571 Uh, no. No, it's okay. 864 00:47:22,372 --> 00:47:23,639 [SHOUTS] Amanda! 865 00:47:23,641 --> 00:47:24,974 Sorry, buddy. You're stuck with me. 866 00:47:24,976 --> 00:47:26,876 [LOUD THUD] 867 00:47:26,878 --> 00:47:29,078 God damn it, Max. I swear to God 868 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,947 if you lay one finger on her... 869 00:47:30,949 --> 00:47:32,381 [THUDDING CONTINUES] 870 00:47:32,383 --> 00:47:35,318 I think you better focus on your own problems, bro. 871 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:36,752 But I'll give Amanda your best. 872 00:47:36,754 --> 00:47:38,621 [LOUD THUD] 873 00:47:38,623 --> 00:47:41,023 Actually, I'll give her mine. 874 00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:43,893 -Max, no. -It's better. 875 00:47:45,329 --> 00:47:47,964 Max! Fuck! 876 00:47:47,966 --> 00:47:52,468 Fuck! Fuck-ety fuck! Fuck! 877 00:47:52,470 --> 00:47:54,403 [CRASH] 878 00:47:54,405 --> 00:47:57,073 Situation is suited for 911, huh? 879 00:47:58,408 --> 00:48:01,110 [MUMBLING] 880 00:48:01,112 --> 00:48:03,679 Fuck it. That was stupid. 881 00:48:03,681 --> 00:48:05,481 [CRASH] 882 00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,583 All right. Where were we? 883 00:48:07,585 --> 00:48:10,019 "Where are we?" 884 00:48:10,988 --> 00:48:13,189 Is the more pertinent question. 885 00:48:14,524 --> 00:48:16,559 -What? -You... 886 00:48:18,028 --> 00:48:20,062 have beautiful eyes. 887 00:48:23,100 --> 00:48:24,400 [CLEARS THROAT] 888 00:48:25,636 --> 00:48:28,237 Uh, we should get started. 889 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,073 We have the whole company to get through, so... 890 00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:35,912 Don't I know it. 891 00:48:47,824 --> 00:48:49,825 [YELPS] Ah! 892 00:48:49,827 --> 00:48:53,496 Hey, Ted. Oww. 893 00:48:53,498 --> 00:48:55,498 Mind explaining yourself? 894 00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:56,565 Ted's here. 895 00:48:56,567 --> 00:48:59,969 I, uh, I don't know. I don't know. 896 00:48:59,971 --> 00:49:03,306 I, uh, was working on the presentation. 897 00:49:03,308 --> 00:49:06,075 And uh... Oh, my God! Andrew! 898 00:49:06,077 --> 00:49:07,610 "Oh, my God, Andrew," is right. 899 00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:09,779 Without him, today would have been a total disaster. 900 00:49:09,781 --> 00:49:12,248 What? No, no. Andrew is dead. 901 00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:15,284 Dead tired after that all-nighter. 902 00:49:15,286 --> 00:49:19,355 The presentation. Signed, sealed, and delivered. 903 00:49:19,357 --> 00:49:23,392 Andrew, you start prepping my office for the Phallusite. 904 00:49:23,394 --> 00:49:25,828 I want you to run this presentation today. 905 00:49:25,830 --> 00:49:27,363 You got it, boss. 906 00:49:27,365 --> 00:49:28,564 Bounce. 907 00:49:29,733 --> 00:49:32,234 Evan, what the hell happened to you? 908 00:49:32,236 --> 00:49:35,171 You've always been a model employee, but I... 909 00:49:35,173 --> 00:49:38,841 I can't overlook a pooch-screwing this monumental. 910 00:49:38,843 --> 00:49:41,177 Ted. Ted, Ted. 911 00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:43,446 Let's not be hasty. 912 00:49:43,448 --> 00:49:47,650 Andrew finished the job but Evan laid down the groundwork. 913 00:49:47,652 --> 00:49:49,285 Look at this poor fellow. 914 00:49:49,287 --> 00:49:51,354 He was just passed over for a promotion. 915 00:49:51,356 --> 00:49:52,989 He slept in the supply closet, 916 00:49:52,991 --> 00:49:54,824 and he smells like a dead wharf hooker. 917 00:49:54,826 --> 00:49:58,027 -You smell it now? -He's just having a rough patch. 918 00:49:58,029 --> 00:50:00,096 Let's give him a pass on this one, okay? 919 00:50:02,466 --> 00:50:04,100 I... 920 00:50:09,806 --> 00:50:11,540 Max brought doughnuts. 921 00:50:17,180 --> 00:50:19,548 I would love to tell you about our exceptional product, 922 00:50:19,550 --> 00:50:23,252 Abinatrix. Abinatrix is 100% natural. 923 00:50:23,254 --> 00:50:26,889 Abinatrix is for everyone of all ages. 924 00:50:26,891 --> 00:50:29,692 Dude, that sucked man. 925 00:50:31,094 --> 00:50:33,596 Abinatrix is recommended by most doctors. 926 00:50:33,598 --> 00:50:36,565 No, I don't understand what the hell is going on. 927 00:50:36,567 --> 00:50:40,102 I did not imagine all that stuff last night, Tim. 928 00:50:40,104 --> 00:50:42,638 And why the hell did Max save my job? 929 00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,707 You know what, man? I thought that was weird too, 930 00:50:44,709 --> 00:50:46,409 but on the plus side, 931 00:50:46,411 --> 00:50:50,246 at least he didn't turn you into a vampire like everyone else. 932 00:50:50,248 --> 00:50:51,447 Mom, look, just buy Abinatrix all right? 933 00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:53,082 What? 934 00:50:53,084 --> 00:50:55,618 I haven't had a sale all month and I'm going to get fired. 935 00:50:55,620 --> 00:50:57,920 Dude, what are you doing? That was going to be my first sale. 936 00:50:57,922 --> 00:51:00,956 Tim! Vampires? 937 00:51:00,958 --> 00:51:03,392 Oh, okay. Well, 938 00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:06,328 it's just a few things I've been noticing here and there. 939 00:51:11,968 --> 00:51:13,569 A shoe? 940 00:51:15,205 --> 00:51:19,041 -That was your evidence? -Well, I'm not done yet. 941 00:51:19,043 --> 00:51:21,677 [BOTH MOANING] 942 00:51:28,118 --> 00:51:30,653 Okay, that is significantly weirder 943 00:51:30,655 --> 00:51:33,089 and Zabeth has been acting strangely. 944 00:51:33,091 --> 00:51:36,025 Agreed, but what really convinced me... 945 00:51:36,027 --> 00:51:39,061 -[ELAINE SIGHING] -Poor, poor, Elaine. 946 00:51:39,063 --> 00:51:42,665 All ginger and no joy. 947 00:51:42,667 --> 00:51:46,068 -I don't-I don't mind. -Yes, you do. 948 00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:49,171 -Oh, that's... -I want you so bad. 949 00:51:49,173 --> 00:51:51,507 Oh, I am so busy. 950 00:51:51,509 --> 00:51:54,243 -[SHUSHING] -I can't. I can't. 951 00:51:54,245 --> 00:51:57,413 Uh, I'm, I'm a virgin. 952 00:51:58,482 --> 00:51:59,849 You all are. 953 00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,553 [ELAINE LAUGHING] 954 00:52:06,056 --> 00:52:10,359 [ELAINE MOANING] 955 00:52:11,761 --> 00:52:15,998 So basically, I saw Max turn Elaine into a vampire, ergo... 956 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:20,169 -Max is a vampire. -The head vampire, presumably. 957 00:52:20,171 --> 00:52:23,105 Right. This all started after he got here. 958 00:52:23,107 --> 00:52:26,108 -It's only logical. -AMANDA: Logical? 959 00:52:26,110 --> 00:52:29,011 Oh, there's a part of this story that you guys think is logical? 960 00:52:29,013 --> 00:52:31,714 Well, maybe not logical, but true. 961 00:52:31,716 --> 00:52:34,150 I don't know what kind of a game you're trying to play here, Evan 962 00:52:34,152 --> 00:52:37,453 but it is not funny or endearing or working. 963 00:52:37,455 --> 00:52:39,688 And you, you let him drag you into this too? 964 00:52:39,690 --> 00:52:41,357 I thought you were smarter than that. 965 00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:42,758 -Really? -Really? 966 00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,361 -And today of all days. -What day is it? 967 00:52:45,363 --> 00:52:47,429 I knew that you were selfish and immature, Evan, 968 00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:49,732 but I did not think that you would commit career suicide 969 00:52:49,734 --> 00:52:51,500 to impress me, it's, It's pretty lame. 970 00:52:51,502 --> 00:52:55,037 Damn it, Amanda! I'm not trying to commit career suicide. 971 00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:58,240 I'm trying to prevent career homicide! 972 00:52:58,242 --> 00:52:59,475 Oh, good one. 973 00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:02,878 Oh, well, yeah, it just came out. 974 00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:04,547 We have to get out of here. 975 00:53:04,549 --> 00:53:07,449 The only thing I have to do is that Phallusite presentation 976 00:53:07,451 --> 00:53:10,419 because I actually give a shit about my job, so... 977 00:53:10,421 --> 00:53:11,954 -Touche. -Wait, wait, wait. Wait. 978 00:53:11,956 --> 00:53:14,790 -How do you explain Andrew? -What about Andrew? 979 00:53:14,792 --> 00:53:17,259 He stayed here all night working. He looks amazing. 980 00:53:17,261 --> 00:53:18,994 -Yeah, he does. -Exactly! 981 00:53:18,996 --> 00:53:21,096 You don't think that proves supernatural forces 982 00:53:21,098 --> 00:53:22,464 are at work here? 983 00:53:22,466 --> 00:53:23,933 All right, Evan, I'm done. I'm done with-- 984 00:53:23,935 --> 00:53:26,502 What? Amanda! Amanda, wait, wait, wait. Wait. 985 00:53:26,504 --> 00:53:30,773 Please, wait. I know this all sounds crazy. I know. 986 00:53:30,775 --> 00:53:33,475 But please, you have to believe me. 987 00:53:34,844 --> 00:53:36,312 I love you. 988 00:53:39,449 --> 00:53:40,849 No. 989 00:53:43,153 --> 00:53:46,322 So that's what it sounded like. 990 00:53:46,324 --> 00:53:48,624 Fuck it. I don't care if she hates me forever, 991 00:53:48,626 --> 00:53:50,459 I am not letting the woman I love 992 00:53:50,461 --> 00:53:52,895 get turned into a blood-sucking vampire. 993 00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:54,730 Bam-snap! 994 00:53:57,968 --> 00:53:59,335 What? 995 00:54:01,705 --> 00:54:05,274 Is it just me or is this office getting darker? 996 00:54:05,276 --> 00:54:09,478 -And colder too. Look. -Oh. 997 00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:13,549 Okay, it's time we alert the authorities. 998 00:54:13,551 --> 00:54:14,483 -You mean call the cops? -Yes. 999 00:54:14,485 --> 00:54:16,352 And tell them what? 1000 00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:20,089 I mean, everybody that we want to report is dead, is here... 1001 00:54:20,091 --> 00:54:22,424 -And working. -Shit. 1002 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,127 Or turned to food. 1003 00:54:25,129 --> 00:54:28,764 Oh, god! That was Mike's real body. 1004 00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:29,999 Grody. 1005 00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,968 Oh, poor Andrew. 1006 00:54:32,970 --> 00:54:34,136 [BELL DINGING] 1007 00:54:34,138 --> 00:54:36,772 Hey, we did get a bell. Bitchin'. 1008 00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:38,240 It's a great idea. 1009 00:54:38,242 --> 00:54:41,310 I think Max really listens to what I have to say. 1010 00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:42,645 Dave. 1011 00:54:45,148 --> 00:54:50,653 Andrew has 14 sales today? Fuck! 1012 00:54:50,655 --> 00:54:53,255 He's totally going to win that Chilli's gift certificate. 1013 00:54:53,257 --> 00:54:54,590 Look, we need to get Amanda 1014 00:54:54,592 --> 00:54:56,225 and we need to get the fuck out of here. 1015 00:54:56,227 --> 00:54:57,926 Everyone in this office has been turned-- 1016 00:54:57,928 --> 00:55:00,796 Well, not everyone. 1017 00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:01,997 Come on. 1018 00:55:05,935 --> 00:55:10,372 Anybody need anything from the... break room. 1019 00:55:12,676 --> 00:55:15,311 -[WOMAN CHATTERING OVER RADIO] -[BREATHING HEAVILY] 1020 00:55:17,347 --> 00:55:19,415 -Colonel Sanders. -At ease, Soldier. 1021 00:55:19,417 --> 00:55:22,117 No, no, no, not at ease. It's war time. 1022 00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:24,586 Right, right, right. Yeah. I, uh... 1023 00:55:24,588 --> 00:55:26,689 -Attention. -Attention. 1024 00:55:26,691 --> 00:55:29,692 Frank, we need your help, okay? 1025 00:55:29,694 --> 00:55:32,127 This is going to sound insane, 1026 00:55:32,129 --> 00:55:34,697 but the entire office has been turned into-- 1027 00:55:34,699 --> 00:55:36,799 Vampires. Affirmative, sir. 1028 00:55:38,468 --> 00:55:40,903 What? What, you know? 1029 00:55:47,844 --> 00:55:50,045 [BOTH MOANING] 1030 00:55:53,249 --> 00:55:56,385 [ELAINE GIGGLING] 1031 00:56:04,127 --> 00:56:06,528 Oh! Did I not mention that Frank was there? 1032 00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:09,331 No, Tim. God damn it. No, you didn't. 1033 00:56:09,333 --> 00:56:10,999 Sorry, my bad. 1034 00:56:11,001 --> 00:56:12,134 We hang out a lot actually. 1035 00:56:12,136 --> 00:56:13,369 By the way, how amazing was that 1036 00:56:13,371 --> 00:56:14,803 Kelly Clarkson concert last night? 1037 00:56:14,805 --> 00:56:17,272 American Idol? More like American Treasure. 1038 00:56:17,274 --> 00:56:18,507 Her voice literally sings. 1039 00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:19,842 -It does sing. -Her singing sings. 1040 00:56:19,844 --> 00:56:21,643 Oh, how did you get home? I blacked out. 1041 00:56:21,645 --> 00:56:23,946 This is not what we're here to talk about. 1042 00:56:23,948 --> 00:56:26,148 We need to get upstairs, Frank, we need your help. 1043 00:56:26,150 --> 00:56:28,684 We need to get Amanda and we need to get the hell out of-- 1044 00:56:28,686 --> 00:56:29,985 No, no, no, we can't just go up there. 1045 00:56:29,987 --> 00:56:32,421 The place is a den of the undead right now. 1046 00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:35,257 We need to arm ourselves. We need weapons and shit. 1047 00:56:35,259 --> 00:56:38,127 I was waiting for you to say that. 1048 00:56:38,129 --> 00:56:39,595 I've got just the thing. 1049 00:56:43,633 --> 00:56:46,301 -Weapons! -Okay, okay. 1050 00:56:46,303 --> 00:56:47,970 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1051 00:56:50,273 --> 00:56:54,877 When she came after that second encore, I was like, "whaaat!" 1052 00:56:54,879 --> 00:56:56,145 Almost fainted. 1053 00:56:56,147 --> 00:56:57,579 [SIGHING] What kills vampires? 1054 00:56:57,581 --> 00:56:59,214 -Stakes. -Yeah. 1055 00:56:59,216 --> 00:57:00,816 Anything wooden you can jam into their heart. 1056 00:57:00,818 --> 00:57:03,952 Or a sharp blade. Decapitations work too. 1057 00:57:05,688 --> 00:57:07,456 Did you think this was my first vampire? 1058 00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:09,324 I'm a licensed security guard. 1059 00:57:09,326 --> 00:57:12,428 You don't get this patch without dusting a few puncture monkeys. 1060 00:57:17,734 --> 00:57:20,102 I looked some stuff up on Wikipedia. 1061 00:57:20,104 --> 00:57:21,637 -Oh. -[ELEVATOR DINGS] 1062 00:57:21,639 --> 00:57:23,972 All right, what else? Holy water, garlic? 1063 00:57:23,974 --> 00:57:26,775 Ooh, I make a really good 40-clove chicken. 1064 00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:30,779 But we probably don't have time for that right now, guys. 1065 00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:32,381 Sunlight. That burns them up. 1066 00:57:32,383 --> 00:57:34,049 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Does it? 1067 00:57:34,051 --> 00:57:35,818 Because, I mean, it's daytime right now 1068 00:57:35,820 --> 00:57:37,486 and they don't seem to be too bothered by it. 1069 00:57:37,488 --> 00:57:40,689 Correct, but that's because this facility has a limited number 1070 00:57:40,691 --> 00:57:42,724 of windows to minimize visual distractions 1071 00:57:42,726 --> 00:57:44,626 and maximize climate control and security. 1072 00:57:44,628 --> 00:57:47,062 You're telling me sunlight does kill vampires, 1073 00:57:47,064 --> 00:57:50,199 but we get so little of it in this fluorescent shithole, 1074 00:57:50,201 --> 00:57:52,134 that they're just fine? 1075 00:57:53,636 --> 00:57:57,206 -Good god, that's depressing. -Yes, sir, it is. 1076 00:58:01,177 --> 00:58:04,913 Sir, I swear to god there was an arsenal 1077 00:58:04,915 --> 00:58:09,751 of immense proportions in this van this morning. 1078 00:58:09,753 --> 00:58:11,920 Someone has violated 1079 00:58:11,922 --> 00:58:14,790 the sovereignty of my vehicular transport. 1080 00:58:14,792 --> 00:58:17,292 They got your stereo, too. 1081 00:58:17,294 --> 00:58:18,627 -Oh, son of a bitch. -Hey! 1082 00:58:18,629 --> 00:58:20,229 [ALL YELLING] 1083 00:58:20,231 --> 00:58:24,600 Oh, my god! Man, hey, hey. You can't just... Okay, okay. 1084 00:58:24,602 --> 00:58:25,968 Listen, we need your help. 1085 00:58:25,970 --> 00:58:28,136 All right, this is going to sound insane, 1086 00:58:28,138 --> 00:58:30,639 but the entire office has been turned into-- 1087 00:58:30,641 --> 00:58:32,140 Vampires, yeah. 1088 00:58:32,142 --> 00:58:35,344 -Did everybody know but me? -Yeah, it seems that way. 1089 00:58:35,346 --> 00:58:36,778 -[FRANK YELLING] -Oh, fuck! 1090 00:58:36,780 --> 00:58:39,414 Oh, my god, you're a vampire! Holy shit! 1091 00:58:39,416 --> 00:58:41,116 Max turned the fucking janitor. 1092 00:58:41,118 --> 00:58:43,485 Well, that one actually makes sense if you think about it. 1093 00:58:43,487 --> 00:58:44,653 You're creating a lot of dead bodies-- 1094 00:58:44,655 --> 00:58:45,954 Yeah, you got blood. 1095 00:58:45,956 --> 00:58:47,523 It's smeared all over the walls, man. 1096 00:58:47,525 --> 00:58:49,424 People are struggling, they're breaking things. 1097 00:58:49,426 --> 00:58:51,159 You got vans coming in full of weapons. 1098 00:58:51,161 --> 00:58:53,862 -You got to clear that out. -Okay, okay, I get it. 1099 00:58:53,864 --> 00:58:56,064 I get it. All right, yeah. Great idea. 1100 00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:59,167 -He's still a fucking asshole. -Did you guys really not notice? 1101 00:58:59,169 --> 00:59:01,837 He turned me day one. I've been a vampire this whole... 1102 00:59:01,839 --> 00:59:04,373 I-I chased you through the cubicles. 1103 00:59:04,375 --> 00:59:07,676 Last night? That was you? Um... 1104 00:59:07,678 --> 00:59:09,978 It was really dark. I mean, I was scared. 1105 00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:12,180 Look, it's not personal. We just don't know you that well. 1106 00:59:12,182 --> 00:59:13,949 Yeah. No, no, no. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1107 00:59:13,951 --> 00:59:17,286 You know? I mean, we work upstairs, we're busy and you... 1108 00:59:17,288 --> 00:59:19,288 Well, how about his? 1109 00:59:19,290 --> 00:59:20,923 [HISSING] 1110 00:59:20,925 --> 00:59:24,092 [CHUCKLING] That's, that's scary, yeah. 1111 00:59:24,094 --> 00:59:27,496 -The teeth-- -Don't patronize me! God! 1112 00:59:27,498 --> 00:59:29,264 Do you even know my name? 1113 00:59:30,366 --> 00:59:31,733 -Janitor? -Janitor. 1114 00:59:31,735 --> 00:59:33,135 [ALL YELLING] 1115 00:59:33,137 --> 00:59:36,204 Always keep a provisional weapon on your person. 1116 00:59:40,643 --> 00:59:42,177 Wait, where? 1117 00:59:44,113 --> 00:59:45,747 In my-- 1118 00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:48,183 [ALL GROANING] 1119 00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:53,722 Wikipedia did not mention that. 1120 00:59:53,724 --> 00:59:55,190 [TIM RETCHING] 1121 01:00:01,497 --> 01:00:03,932 No, no, no. Okay, okay, wait, wait. 1122 01:00:03,934 --> 01:00:06,335 This means that they can die, all right? 1123 01:00:06,337 --> 01:00:08,403 You just need to find weapons. 1124 01:00:08,405 --> 01:00:11,106 Oh, hey, maybe the janitor put Frank's weapons in... 1125 01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:13,041 [ALL GROANING] 1126 01:00:13,043 --> 01:00:15,978 Oh, god, how have they not dumped the bodies yet? 1127 01:00:15,980 --> 01:00:17,879 Trash pick up is on Saturdays 1128 01:00:17,881 --> 01:00:19,681 unless you make a special request, 1129 01:00:19,683 --> 01:00:22,184 but that's like 60 bucks. 1130 01:00:22,186 --> 01:00:23,652 Seriously? 1131 01:00:24,821 --> 01:00:27,255 God, this fucking company sucks. 1132 01:00:28,358 --> 01:00:30,058 I've got towels in my car. 1133 01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:40,402 Hi, we're the Phallusite Corporation. 1134 01:00:40,404 --> 01:00:42,037 We have a 4 o'clock meeting? 1135 01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:44,940 Meeting's canceled. 1136 01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,080 Go. Go. Go, go, go, go. 1137 01:00:54,884 --> 01:00:56,418 Say what you want about Elaine, 1138 01:00:56,420 --> 01:01:00,088 she always did stock the shit out of the supply closet. 1139 01:01:00,090 --> 01:01:01,790 Bam-snap! 1140 01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:04,359 That's growing on me. 1141 01:01:16,739 --> 01:01:19,041 [SHARPENER WHIRRING] 1142 01:01:20,643 --> 01:01:22,044 What? 1143 01:01:33,890 --> 01:01:37,793 -Bam-snap! -Yeah! 1144 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:43,031 Today, we become men. 1145 01:01:43,033 --> 01:01:46,201 -Or vampires. -Or dead. 1146 01:01:49,772 --> 01:01:51,873 [TIM GASPING] 1147 01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:55,444 God, Frank, what's wrong with you? 1148 01:01:55,446 --> 01:01:57,179 It's bull piss. 1149 01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,314 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1150 01:02:00,249 --> 01:02:02,250 It's gonna beat your ass. 1151 01:02:02,252 --> 01:02:05,287 How many of those do you drink a day? 1152 01:02:05,289 --> 01:02:07,055 As many as it takes. 1153 01:02:10,526 --> 01:02:12,994 Jeez, anyone that probably takes a bite out of you 1154 01:02:12,996 --> 01:02:14,963 is going to be up for a week. 1155 01:02:16,666 --> 01:02:18,100 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1156 01:02:39,522 --> 01:02:42,390 Okay, there's a lot of them. 1157 01:02:42,392 --> 01:02:43,992 Let's focus. 1158 01:02:43,994 --> 01:02:46,294 We get into Ted's office, we grab Mandy, 1159 01:02:46,296 --> 01:02:50,098 -we get out of here. -We got your back, Colonel. 1160 01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:53,869 [CHUCKLING] Colonel Sanders. 1161 01:02:55,905 --> 01:02:57,773 Like the chicken guy. 1162 01:02:59,442 --> 01:03:01,076 I just got that. 1163 01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:07,916 [CLEARING THROAT] All right, vam time. Focus. 1164 01:03:07,918 --> 01:03:10,152 [ALL YELLING] 1165 01:03:13,389 --> 01:03:15,557 Okay, okay, okay. No sudden movements, all right? 1166 01:03:15,559 --> 01:03:18,627 Just calm careful motions. Like you're playing Jenga. 1167 01:03:18,629 --> 01:03:22,097 [VAMPIRES HISSING AND SNARLING] 1168 01:03:22,099 --> 01:03:24,599 So, you know, generally it's got to be some kind of pass. 1169 01:03:24,601 --> 01:03:26,735 -People call yet? -No, not yet. 1170 01:03:26,737 --> 01:03:28,837 Maybe they're stuck in traffic. 1171 01:03:30,339 --> 01:03:32,808 I don't recognize a lot of these people. 1172 01:03:32,810 --> 01:03:35,443 That, that's the IT guy. There's Marketing. 1173 01:03:35,445 --> 01:03:37,846 There's the Customer Service Call center. 1174 01:03:37,848 --> 01:03:41,650 -I hired everyone in there. -That is ironic. 1175 01:03:41,652 --> 01:03:43,118 Only if they eat us. 1176 01:03:44,086 --> 01:03:44,553 Tim. 1177 01:03:45,655 --> 01:03:50,358 What? Oh, did I jinx us? My bad. 1178 01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,260 [ALL YELLING] 1179 01:03:53,296 --> 01:03:55,730 Sanders, what the hell are you doing? 1180 01:03:55,732 --> 01:03:57,465 Have, have you lost your mind? 1181 01:03:57,467 --> 01:04:01,369 Amanda, I love you, but you have no idea whats going on here. 1182 01:04:01,371 --> 01:04:06,608 -Now you're saying way too much. -Tim... Ted, we have a problem. 1183 01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:11,980 Max, in addition to being a douchebag, is also a vampire 1184 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:13,915 and he's turning every one of your employees 1185 01:04:13,917 --> 01:04:15,617 from the janitor on up. 1186 01:04:15,619 --> 01:04:18,887 By the way, your neck-biting custodial buddy 1187 01:04:18,889 --> 01:04:22,424 is doing his best impression of a Jackson Pollock painting 1188 01:04:22,426 --> 01:04:23,758 in the parking garage. 1189 01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,327 -Bam-snap! -AMANDA: Jesus Christ. 1190 01:04:25,329 --> 01:04:27,195 Evan, what the fuck have you done? 1191 01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:31,366 Do you have any idea how hard it is to find good custodial help? 1192 01:04:31,368 --> 01:04:32,701 You popped Jerry? 1193 01:04:32,703 --> 01:04:34,069 -Jerry. -Jerry. 1194 01:04:34,071 --> 01:04:36,037 -That sounds familiar. -That was... Yeah. Yeah. 1195 01:04:36,039 --> 01:04:37,939 -That was so embarrassing. -I was like... 1196 01:04:37,941 --> 01:04:39,774 Did you just miss the whole un-dead thing, sir? 1197 01:04:39,776 --> 01:04:40,976 Yeah. 1198 01:04:40,978 --> 01:04:43,812 God damn it, I know they're vampires. 1199 01:04:43,814 --> 01:04:46,248 Uh, wait. What? 1200 01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:48,483 I track how many paperclips we use per quarter, 1201 01:04:48,485 --> 01:04:51,419 you think I wouldn't notice a vampire company take-over? 1202 01:04:51,421 --> 01:04:53,154 How many paperclips do we use per quarter? 1203 01:04:53,156 --> 01:04:56,458 -Tim! -Uh, last quarter, 22415. 1204 01:04:56,460 --> 01:05:00,095 See? Look at him. He's a model employee now. 1205 01:05:00,097 --> 01:05:03,164 Wait, you did this intentionally? 1206 01:05:03,166 --> 01:05:05,634 Corporate was threatening to shut down the entire branch, 1207 01:05:05,636 --> 01:05:08,336 I simply presented Ted with an alternative. 1208 01:05:08,338 --> 01:05:10,939 His methods may seem a little unorthodox, 1209 01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:13,174 but you can't argue with the results. 1210 01:05:13,176 --> 01:05:17,345 After your little stunt in college! 1211 01:05:19,081 --> 01:05:20,949 The only school that would take me 1212 01:05:20,951 --> 01:05:25,387 was this university in Romania. 1213 01:05:25,389 --> 01:05:29,925 But it turns out, it had a very unique MBA program, 1214 01:05:29,927 --> 01:05:33,561 a whole new paradigm in business management 1215 01:05:33,563 --> 01:05:38,733 What? Turning your employees into vampires? That's sick! 1216 01:05:38,735 --> 01:05:40,635 Evan, this company was sick. 1217 01:05:40,637 --> 01:05:43,271 Employees calling in with fake, dead grandmothers 1218 01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,040 so that they could go out to the ballpark. 1219 01:05:45,042 --> 01:05:47,475 Video game tournaments during office hours, 1220 01:05:47,477 --> 01:05:50,245 and look at your browser histories. 1221 01:05:50,247 --> 01:05:53,848 -I know you watch porn all day. -That was mainly mine. 1222 01:05:53,850 --> 01:05:55,583 At least now we have a future. 1223 01:05:55,585 --> 01:06:00,789 Yeah, funny your usage of the word "we" there. 1224 01:06:00,791 --> 01:06:02,023 What's that supposed to mean? 1225 01:06:02,025 --> 01:06:04,125 Max was gonna fucking eat you. 1226 01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:05,694 I saw it in his files. 1227 01:06:05,696 --> 01:06:07,595 Why do you think he hasn't turned you yet, Ted? 1228 01:06:07,597 --> 01:06:12,000 He was going to turn me last. Make it special with candles. 1229 01:06:12,002 --> 01:06:14,369 -Oh. -That makes sense. 1230 01:06:19,241 --> 01:06:21,309 You were going to force me out? 1231 01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:24,312 Hey, quick, while you still have time, Ted. Fire this-- 1232 01:06:24,314 --> 01:06:26,247 -[ALL YELLING] -Oh god! 1233 01:06:26,249 --> 01:06:28,516 It actually works. He really did that. 1234 01:06:28,518 --> 01:06:34,022 That is the worst part of this job. Firing people. 1235 01:06:34,024 --> 01:06:36,758 Oh, shit. Jeez. He just... 1236 01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:38,460 -Hey, Mandy. -His neck-- 1237 01:06:38,462 --> 01:06:41,429 Have you not been listening this entire time? 1238 01:06:41,431 --> 01:06:44,065 We are vampires. That's what we do. 1239 01:06:44,067 --> 01:06:46,935 We get... Still sounds so weird saying vampires. 1240 01:06:46,937 --> 01:06:48,703 So you just do it? 1241 01:06:48,705 --> 01:06:50,872 It's true. Amanda you got to start working 1242 01:06:50,874 --> 01:06:53,742 on your stubbornness if you want to be a part of the team. 1243 01:06:53,744 --> 01:06:55,977 Oh! Fuck your team, Max! 1244 01:06:55,979 --> 01:07:00,682 I'm taking Amanda and we're walking out of here un-undead. 1245 01:07:00,684 --> 01:07:02,350 Is that so? 1246 01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:04,953 Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that. 1247 01:07:04,955 --> 01:07:06,221 Oh. 1248 01:07:07,990 --> 01:07:09,991 -Okay. -Okay? 1249 01:07:09,993 --> 01:07:12,427 Well, show yourselves out. 1250 01:07:12,429 --> 01:07:16,498 Can I have a thing, maybe a... This will do. 1251 01:07:16,500 --> 01:07:19,167 -Bye, gang. -Okay, yeah. 1252 01:07:19,169 --> 01:07:20,935 -See you guys. -See you, man. 1253 01:07:20,937 --> 01:07:23,505 You got that? You got the door? 1254 01:07:23,507 --> 01:07:24,906 Back up. Back up! 1255 01:07:24,908 --> 01:07:26,574 [VAMPIRES GROWLING] 1256 01:07:26,576 --> 01:07:27,442 Holy shit! 1257 01:07:28,811 --> 01:07:31,279 -Are all these people vampires? -Yes, ma'am. 1258 01:07:31,281 --> 01:07:32,580 Mandy, I don't want to die 1259 01:07:32,582 --> 01:07:33,948 without telling you how I really feel. 1260 01:07:33,950 --> 01:07:35,316 Well, then shut the fuck up, 1261 01:07:35,318 --> 01:07:36,785 so you have a reason to survive this shit. 1262 01:07:36,787 --> 01:07:39,721 -So what now, Colonel? -Honestly, I have no idea. 1263 01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:41,589 I never thought we'd live this long. 1264 01:07:41,591 --> 01:07:44,626 To think you came to rescue me and you didn't plan an escape? 1265 01:07:44,628 --> 01:07:47,462 Oh, don't Princess Leah me. I'm thinking. 1266 01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:50,265 -Okay, I've got it. -Oh, hey, Dave. 1267 01:07:50,267 --> 01:07:51,533 [DAVE GROWLING] 1268 01:07:51,535 --> 01:07:53,435 Good luck getting your 20 bucks now, bitch. 1269 01:07:53,437 --> 01:07:55,670 -God damn it, Tim. -Oops. 1270 01:07:55,672 --> 01:07:58,373 [ALL YELLING] 1271 01:08:02,978 --> 01:08:05,447 God damn it. Now I'm definitely gonna have to wash this shirt. 1272 01:08:05,449 --> 01:08:07,782 Do you want me to, uh, dive in? 1273 01:08:07,784 --> 01:08:11,386 Oh, no, no, no, no. I need you to learn how to delegate. 1274 01:08:21,697 --> 01:08:24,666 Hey, decapitate. You gotta take it off. 1275 01:08:26,535 --> 01:08:28,136 Hair pulling?! 1276 01:08:28,138 --> 01:08:32,207 Yipee-Taekwondo-rogue- a-motherfucker. Oh, shit! 1277 01:08:32,209 --> 01:08:33,575 [DAVE GROWLING] 1278 01:08:33,577 --> 01:08:36,811 Oh, God! Your breath smells like cat-food. 1279 01:08:44,854 --> 01:08:46,588 Oh, I don't like this 1280 01:08:57,366 --> 01:08:59,701 And I defended your hire. 1281 01:09:01,137 --> 01:09:03,238 [ALL GROANING] 1282 01:09:08,878 --> 01:09:12,881 -Does this happen every time? -Yeah. Yeah, basically. 1283 01:09:15,584 --> 01:09:18,887 Not if you kill them first, people. 1284 01:09:18,889 --> 01:09:20,722 Learn how to take the initiative 1285 01:09:20,724 --> 01:09:22,924 if you don't want me to micro-manage. 1286 01:09:22,926 --> 01:09:24,359 [ALL YELLING] 1287 01:09:29,398 --> 01:09:31,833 This is about the story as far as I-- 1288 01:09:31,835 --> 01:09:35,670 [CHUCKLING] Well, now it's time to go to work. 1289 01:09:35,672 --> 01:09:36,871 [ELAINE LAUGHING] 1290 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,374 AMANDA: Oh, shit. 1291 01:09:42,545 --> 01:09:45,613 [GRUNTING] Jesus, those walls are thin. 1292 01:09:47,416 --> 01:09:49,784 So, my question is, 1293 01:09:49,786 --> 01:09:51,419 "When do you let your people make their own mistakes 1294 01:09:51,421 --> 01:09:53,188 so that they can learn?" 1295 01:09:53,190 --> 01:09:56,057 and "when do you just jump in and do the job yourself 1296 01:09:56,059 --> 01:09:57,292 because you're more efficient?" 1297 01:09:57,294 --> 01:09:59,727 -It's a balance to be sure. -Yeah. 1298 01:09:59,729 --> 01:10:01,429 I'm going to need a minute, Dave. 1299 01:10:01,431 --> 01:10:03,798 I think I've re-injured my back. 1300 01:10:07,303 --> 01:10:08,870 [EXPLODES] 1301 01:10:08,872 --> 01:10:13,875 God damn it, Amanda! I finally started boning her. 1302 01:10:13,877 --> 01:10:14,943 Sorry. 1303 01:10:14,945 --> 01:10:17,245 [CHUCKLING] Whoa-ho-ho! 1304 01:10:17,247 --> 01:10:18,813 You know what? That almost felt like-- 1305 01:10:18,815 --> 01:10:22,350 Oh, come on. Whoa! Did it just get dark? 1306 01:10:22,352 --> 01:10:23,952 Should we be intervening here? 1307 01:10:23,954 --> 01:10:26,654 I mean, we are losing a lot of employees. 1308 01:10:26,656 --> 01:10:28,623 Oh, don't worry about it. It's mostly marketing. 1309 01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,358 Oh, okay, I'll just run an ad. 1310 01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:33,695 You fucker. [YELLING] Take that. 1311 01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:36,831 Are you trying to repel me with a cross made of pencils? 1312 01:10:36,833 --> 01:10:38,166 [SPLATTERING] 1313 01:10:38,168 --> 01:10:39,400 Still, a good manager knows 1314 01:10:39,402 --> 01:10:40,868 when his staff is getting overextended. 1315 01:10:40,870 --> 01:10:44,239 Be a dear and call downstairs for me, would you? 1316 01:10:44,241 --> 01:10:45,540 Can I use your office? This is just, 1317 01:10:45,542 --> 01:10:46,774 kind of flat out here. 1318 01:10:46,776 --> 01:10:48,376 Yeah, feel free. Make yourself at home. 1319 01:10:48,378 --> 01:10:49,777 I know you rigged the raffle 1320 01:10:49,779 --> 01:10:52,113 to win the office trip to Cabo this year. 1321 01:10:52,115 --> 01:10:53,748 That trip was mine! 1322 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:59,087 You do not want to know where that came from. 1323 01:10:59,089 --> 01:11:02,190 [SCREAMING] 1324 01:11:02,192 --> 01:11:03,691 [SPLATTER] 1325 01:11:03,693 --> 01:11:06,995 who am I gonna get to stock the supply closet now? 1326 01:11:06,997 --> 01:11:09,931 I'm not a vampire expert, asshole. 1327 01:11:09,933 --> 01:11:15,236 Enough. I want my $20, and then you die. 1328 01:11:15,238 --> 01:11:18,139 I'm saving it for something else. 1329 01:11:18,141 --> 01:11:20,575 [ALL GRUNTING] 1330 01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:27,048 [BOTH PANTING] 1331 01:11:28,183 --> 01:11:30,551 Why don't we ever go dancing? 1332 01:11:30,553 --> 01:11:33,087 Monday night is salsa night at Vida Loca. 1333 01:11:33,089 --> 01:11:34,789 [SPLATTER] 1334 01:11:37,826 --> 01:11:39,827 I hope you and your dickhead pals 1335 01:11:39,829 --> 01:11:44,632 enjoyed picking on poor Dave, because now my veins surge 1336 01:11:44,634 --> 01:11:47,135 with a thousand generations of death. 1337 01:11:47,137 --> 01:11:52,573 My claws are like hammers, my teeth are like swords! 1338 01:11:52,575 --> 01:11:56,077 I am vengeance! And I am immortal! 1339 01:11:56,079 --> 01:11:57,879 [SPLATTER] 1340 01:12:03,085 --> 01:12:04,585 Eww. 1341 01:12:04,587 --> 01:12:06,621 I knew you were a good vampire. 1342 01:12:06,623 --> 01:12:09,991 I'm not a good vampire. I just always hated Dave. 1343 01:12:13,262 --> 01:12:15,730 Well, what now, asshole? 1344 01:12:15,732 --> 01:12:18,833 Yeah, it looks like you're fresh out of friends. 1345 01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:21,069 Nah, I'll make more. 1346 01:12:21,071 --> 01:12:23,304 Oh, that's a lot of blood! 1347 01:12:23,306 --> 01:12:24,539 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1348 01:12:24,541 --> 01:12:28,176 -Are you secure? -Not in the slightest. 1349 01:12:28,178 --> 01:12:29,177 Huh? 1350 01:12:29,179 --> 01:12:30,645 ANDREW: Fuck that NCAA pool. 1351 01:12:30,647 --> 01:12:33,348 That was a bullshit foul at the end of the UNC game. 1352 01:12:33,350 --> 01:12:34,515 Fucking Duke. 1353 01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:36,017 -You hungry? -Yeah. 1354 01:12:36,019 --> 01:12:38,486 I can punch right into this thing. It's hilarious. 1355 01:12:38,488 --> 01:12:40,355 -[LOUD CLANGING] -Yeah! 1356 01:12:40,357 --> 01:12:42,423 Oh, honestly, guys, 1357 01:12:43,692 --> 01:12:46,361 did you really think it was going to be that easy? 1358 01:12:46,363 --> 01:12:48,763 No, not at first, but then it... 1359 01:12:48,765 --> 01:12:51,199 -Once we got going, it was... -MAX: Oh, come on! 1360 01:12:51,201 --> 01:12:53,434 You think I would attempt to take over this entire company 1361 01:12:53,436 --> 01:12:56,104 without consulting legal first? 1362 01:12:56,106 --> 01:12:57,572 [ELEVATOR DINGING] 1363 01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:00,441 Oh, lawyers? 1364 01:13:05,247 --> 01:13:11,252 Amanda, a private word with you in my office please. 1365 01:13:11,254 --> 01:13:13,588 [EVAN GRUNTING] 1366 01:13:14,923 --> 01:13:18,025 Um, Amanda, where are you going? 1367 01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:22,230 Uh, I don't really know actually. 1368 01:13:22,232 --> 01:13:24,532 Hey, remember when I did this to your girlfriend in college 1369 01:13:24,534 --> 01:13:27,135 without using supernatural powers? 1370 01:13:27,137 --> 01:13:28,669 Hey, I'm just saying why go pro 1371 01:13:28,671 --> 01:13:30,605 when your school has a chance at the Championships? 1372 01:13:30,607 --> 01:13:32,240 Run the risk of injury? No way man. 1373 01:13:32,242 --> 01:13:34,008 You got to take the money and run. 1374 01:13:35,310 --> 01:13:37,478 Evan, you can go home for the day. 1375 01:13:37,480 --> 01:13:39,647 Frank, you can die. 1376 01:13:40,549 --> 01:13:42,750 [VAMPIRES SNARLING] 1377 01:13:44,353 --> 01:13:45,586 It has been an honor and a pleasure 1378 01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:47,622 to serve with you, Colonel... 1379 01:13:47,624 --> 01:13:50,024 But it's time we parted ways. 1380 01:13:50,026 --> 01:13:52,527 Any-who, I'm going to turn you now. 1381 01:13:52,529 --> 01:13:53,761 I hope that's cool. 1382 01:13:53,763 --> 01:13:56,330 No, I don't want to be a vampire. 1383 01:13:56,332 --> 01:13:59,367 No, no, no, Frank. They will, they will eat you alive. 1384 01:13:59,369 --> 01:14:01,636 Literally. Literally, literally. 1385 01:14:01,638 --> 01:14:04,539 Not the bullshit way most people use it. 1386 01:14:04,541 --> 01:14:06,040 You never know if you're the kind of guy 1387 01:14:06,042 --> 01:14:09,277 who'll jump on a grenade, till it lands at your feet. 1388 01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:10,678 Man, that's intense. 1389 01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:11,979 Being a vampire is amazing. 1390 01:14:11,981 --> 01:14:14,182 We had a crazy vampire orgy last night 1391 01:14:14,184 --> 01:14:15,750 It was mind-blowing. 1392 01:14:15,752 --> 01:14:17,752 Yeah, but I just got some new golf clubs... 1393 01:14:17,754 --> 01:14:20,288 Thanks, Frank. I'm going to recommend you 1394 01:14:20,290 --> 01:14:23,624 for a meritorious service medal when all this is over. 1395 01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:26,127 I'm not going to let you stake me so... 1396 01:14:28,997 --> 01:14:30,832 Some pickle, huh? 1397 01:14:30,834 --> 01:14:35,069 Much obliged, sir. Now go in there and kill our boss. 1398 01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:36,804 [FRANK YELLING] 1399 01:14:40,642 --> 01:14:45,413 Come on! Come on, get him! 1400 01:14:45,415 --> 01:14:47,048 [AMANDA STRUGGLING] 1401 01:14:47,050 --> 01:14:49,750 Oh, hey, pal! I was just about to turn your girl 1402 01:14:49,752 --> 01:14:52,520 and fuck her on Ted's desk. 1403 01:14:52,522 --> 01:14:55,523 Sorry. [CHUCKLING] My desk. 1404 01:14:55,525 --> 01:14:57,825 You fucking dick. 1405 01:14:57,827 --> 01:15:01,062 Amanda, you need to focus on your job. 1406 01:15:01,064 --> 01:15:03,631 HR is going to be swamped with all the new hires 1407 01:15:03,633 --> 01:15:05,466 we're going to need. 1408 01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:07,435 Oh, let's just get this over with. 1409 01:15:07,437 --> 01:15:08,903 I'd rather die than listen 1410 01:15:08,905 --> 01:15:11,239 to your lame management style any longer. 1411 01:15:11,241 --> 01:15:16,043 My management style is effective. And refreshing. 1412 01:15:16,045 --> 01:15:20,281 Okay, option seven, you just eat like raccoons and stuff. 1413 01:15:20,283 --> 01:15:22,149 That is disgusting. No. 1414 01:15:23,986 --> 01:15:28,756 Evan, do you remember what I said we sell here? 1415 01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:32,093 -Dreams? -Yeah, that was bullshit. 1416 01:15:32,095 --> 01:15:33,494 We sell fear. 1417 01:15:33,496 --> 01:15:38,065 Option eight, I don't turn you, I just kill you. 1418 01:15:38,067 --> 01:15:40,401 No, that doesn't work for me, 'cause then I'm just dead. 1419 01:15:40,403 --> 01:15:42,970 Our customers are afraid. 1420 01:15:42,972 --> 01:15:45,773 Afraid that life is passing them by, 1421 01:15:45,775 --> 01:15:47,542 which to be fair, it is. 1422 01:15:48,777 --> 01:15:53,648 And that is why you are perfect for this place. 1423 01:15:53,650 --> 01:15:57,585 Because you are a coward. 1424 01:16:00,222 --> 01:16:01,756 I'm sorry? 1425 01:16:01,758 --> 01:16:04,025 Okay, option nine, I let you go 1426 01:16:04,027 --> 01:16:05,793 but you have to promise not to kill anyone. 1427 01:16:05,795 --> 01:16:07,428 No way, man. A vamp's got to eat. 1428 01:16:07,430 --> 01:16:11,399 You were afraid to tell Amanda you love her because of why? 1429 01:16:11,401 --> 01:16:13,701 Because you work together? 1430 01:16:13,703 --> 01:16:15,870 Because she earns more than you? 1431 01:16:15,872 --> 01:16:18,906 Roshambo? Winner chooses our fate? 1432 01:16:21,376 --> 01:16:25,212 One, two, three, yes! Sorry. 1433 01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:27,214 You didn't even have the balls to quit 1434 01:16:27,216 --> 01:16:30,885 when this incompetent turd passed you over 1435 01:16:30,887 --> 01:16:35,489 for the guy you hate most on the face of the Earth. 1436 01:16:35,491 --> 01:16:37,792 You are so afraid of life. 1437 01:16:39,027 --> 01:16:43,097 [CHUCKLING] And you actually want to be sales manager 1438 01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:44,332 in this shithole. 1439 01:16:44,334 --> 01:16:45,666 Mandy! 1440 01:16:45,668 --> 01:16:47,902 We are trying to have a conversation. 1441 01:16:47,904 --> 01:16:50,605 -[AMANDA SCREAMING] -No! 1442 01:16:53,008 --> 01:16:56,444 -Well, two out of three? -Yeah. 1443 01:16:56,446 --> 01:16:58,212 One, two, three. 1444 01:16:59,881 --> 01:17:02,984 I am not going to change you. That's right. 1445 01:17:02,986 --> 01:17:08,723 I'll leave you alive and stuck in this pathetic pointless job 1446 01:17:08,725 --> 01:17:12,026 now, until the day you die. 1447 01:17:13,195 --> 01:17:14,662 This suit is bespoke. 1448 01:17:16,264 --> 01:17:17,465 One, two, three. 1449 01:17:17,467 --> 01:17:18,733 [EVAN YELLING] 1450 01:17:18,735 --> 01:17:21,002 sharing the desk with the photo printer, 1451 01:17:21,004 --> 01:17:26,474 while I stay young with the woman you love, 1452 01:17:26,476 --> 01:17:28,609 immortal at my side. 1453 01:17:28,611 --> 01:17:30,645 [EVAN GROANING] 1454 01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:34,682 I'd rather fucking die first. 1455 01:17:36,018 --> 01:17:39,654 Yeah, yeah, that's the way it works. 1456 01:17:41,456 --> 01:17:43,391 [SCREAMING] 1457 01:17:49,598 --> 01:17:51,399 [MAX GROWLING] 1458 01:17:51,401 --> 01:17:53,668 Holy shit! 1459 01:17:53,670 --> 01:17:55,936 I think I'm ready to turn in my resignation. 1460 01:17:55,938 --> 01:17:57,004 Yeah. 1461 01:18:17,926 --> 01:18:21,262 You want this job? Then take it. 1462 01:18:21,264 --> 01:18:22,797 [YELLING] 1463 01:18:22,799 --> 01:18:26,934 Die, you bloodsucking bastard! 1464 01:18:29,671 --> 01:18:31,305 [ROARING] 1465 01:18:35,610 --> 01:18:37,211 Oh, shit. 1466 01:18:37,213 --> 01:18:39,246 [EXPLODES AND SPLATTERS] 1467 01:18:47,756 --> 01:18:51,926 Well, this is pretty much the grossest thing I've ever seen. 1468 01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:03,003 I stand corrected. Yuk. 1469 01:19:03,005 --> 01:19:04,505 [TIM CLEARING THROAT] 1470 01:19:07,275 --> 01:19:08,476 Hey. 1471 01:19:10,579 --> 01:19:12,780 Is all this Max's blood? 1472 01:19:14,049 --> 01:19:18,753 Uh, some of it's mine, some of it's Evans. 1473 01:19:18,755 --> 01:19:20,020 Yeah. 1474 01:19:21,223 --> 01:19:22,323 Gross. 1475 01:19:23,325 --> 01:19:24,391 Yeah. 1476 01:19:25,727 --> 01:19:27,828 Hey, Frank? 1477 01:19:28,563 --> 01:19:30,397 Lost in the line of duty. 1478 01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:33,434 I really liked that guy. 1479 01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:36,370 Well, on the plus side, no more vamps. 1480 01:19:36,372 --> 01:19:37,438 Yeah. 1481 01:19:38,740 --> 01:19:40,007 [WRISTWATCH BEEPING] 1482 01:19:40,009 --> 01:19:43,110 Oh, hey, another work day. 1483 01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,378 Bitchin' 1484 01:19:49,184 --> 01:19:50,417 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1485 01:19:51,753 --> 01:19:54,522 [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] 1486 01:20:09,137 --> 01:20:13,240 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] 1487 01:20:14,543 --> 01:20:16,877 [MUSIC FADES OUT] 1488 01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,713 [EVAN SIGHING] 1489 01:20:19,715 --> 01:20:21,348 [WEAPON CLANGING] 1490 01:20:23,819 --> 01:20:25,219 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1491 01:20:46,942 --> 01:20:48,943 EVAN: Is it weird that I'm hungry? 1492 01:20:48,945 --> 01:20:50,845 TIM: Oh, I could eat. 1493 01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:52,246 AMANDA: Where do you guys wanna go? 1494 01:20:52,248 --> 01:20:55,049 EVAN: Well, somewhere without blood on it. 1495 01:20:55,051 --> 01:20:56,483 TIM: That rules out Denny's. 1496 01:20:58,453 --> 01:21:00,054 AMANDA: Have a pizza. 1497 01:21:00,822 --> 01:21:02,256 [TIM SHUSHING] 1498 01:21:03,625 --> 01:21:05,826 Sorry, Mom. Are you still there? 1499 01:21:05,828 --> 01:21:08,062 Hey! Yeah. 1500 01:21:08,064 --> 01:21:11,599 No, you'll never guess what happened at work. 1501 01:21:11,601 --> 01:21:13,334 Oh, you could hear it? 1502 01:21:31,987 --> 01:21:33,520 Bastardo! 1503 01:21:35,390 --> 01:21:37,157 [MAID GASPING] 1504 01:21:37,159 --> 01:21:40,961 [GROWLING SOFTLY] Welcome to the team. 1505 01:21:40,963 --> 01:21:42,563 My office in 10.