WEBVTT FILE
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I grew up in
Staten Island, New York.
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It might not sound
like it, but I did.
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00:00:35.603 --> 00:00:40.639
Staten Island
is like Brooklyn
and New Jersey had a baby.
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00:00:40.641 --> 00:00:43.409
A baby that would
grow up to be either
a cop or a fireman.
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00:00:48.581 --> 00:00:50.582
And you know,
Staten Island
gets a bad rap,
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but, really,
it's just like
any other suburb.
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I mean, sure,
it looks like this.
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And this.
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00:01:05.299 --> 00:01:09.334
is that Staten Island
also looks like this.
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And this.
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And for me,
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since I was old enough
to remember looked like this.
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The Great Kills Swim Club.
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This is where I spent
every waking hour
of my summers.
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00:02:08.262 --> 00:02:11.196
From 8:00 a.m. swim practice
until they threw us
out at night,
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this is where
I found friendship.
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This is where
I tasted victory and defeat.
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Where I fell in love.
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And it's where
I had the best job
in the history of the world.
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I was a lifeguard.
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00:02:24.145 --> 00:02:29.281
Now, there are
beach lifeguards who
actually guard lives.
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Wendell, I told you
to get out.
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00:02:30.618 --> 00:02:31.750
And then
there are pool guards...
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Make me.
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00:02:33.320 --> 00:02:35.621
...who
basically do this.
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The only reason
I became a lifeguard
is because of this idiot.
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My best friend
in the whole world,
Frank Gomes.
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Frank said that
girls couldn't resist
a man in uniform
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and that we'd be, quote...
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Don't drown.
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"...knee-deep in snizz."
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But the only thing
Frank was knee-deep in
was the baby pool.
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00:02:52.907 --> 00:02:54.673
Hey, what you
got there?
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00:02:55.575 --> 00:02:58.744
SPF 50? No wonder
you two look so young.
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You know,
if we hooked up,
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00:03:00.948 --> 00:03:03.582
I'd have to
turn myself in
for statutory rape.
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Statutory rape's
the not-bad rape.
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Hey.
No leaving.
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00:03:08.923 --> 00:03:12.791
but Staten Island girls
were never interested
in me and Frank.
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They were always
too busy fawning over
this kind of guy.
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00:03:16.564 --> 00:03:18.397
You know, I'm pretty sure
you guys are just
aiming too high.
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That's Anthony De Bono.
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It's really funny, though.
You should keep doing it.
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00:03:21.936 --> 00:03:25.604
sculpted right out of
a suburban mom's sex fantasy.
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Hello, beautiful ladies.
How's everybody doing?
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00:03:29.543 --> 00:03:32.644
Candace, I love
the new suit.
That's very cute.
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00:03:32.646 --> 00:03:34.680
Anthony was
joining the Navy.
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If he could pass
the written exam,
which he could not.
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Hope I don't
get you too wet.
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As far as I could tell,
being in the Navy was, like,
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00:03:42.623 --> 00:03:46.658
90% pushups
and 10% saying
"God bless America".
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That's how they
do it in the Navy.
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00:03:49.596 --> 00:03:51.496
God bless America.
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00:03:52.398 --> 00:03:53.699
That's Mary Ellen.
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00:03:53.701 --> 00:03:55.801
Stupid.
Ah! What the fuck?
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00:03:55.803 --> 00:03:58.403
Her dad was a cop,
and she was basically
raised a dude.
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Pee in my pool? Uh-uh.
Punks get dunked.
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00:04:01.809 --> 00:04:06.311
The guy rolling in
an hour and a half
late to work?
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That was Billy Thomson.
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Better known as Skootch.
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00:04:11.451 --> 00:04:13.318
Skootch did this year round.
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00:04:13.320 --> 00:04:15.687
Summers at the swim club
and winters at the YMCA.
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00:04:17.323 --> 00:04:19.625
He was a lifeguard.
That's all he was.
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- He was Skootch.
- Skootch!
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We were a team.
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United together
against this one asshole.
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Our manager, Chuck Casino.
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Mr. Marcus, how are you?
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00:04:44.685 --> 00:04:46.018
They find your kid?
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00:04:46.020 --> 00:04:47.919
They will.
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00:04:47.921 --> 00:04:50.389
Mr. Stewart, my man.
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00:04:50.391 --> 00:04:53.392
Hey, here they go,
one, two, three musketeers.
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Chuck thought
he ran the place.
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I am
the captain of this ship.
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This is my Amistad.
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But no one runs summer.
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It was paradise.
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00:05:09.576 --> 00:05:12.577
But hey, even
Adam and Eve couldn't
stay in heaven forever.
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00:05:12.579 --> 00:05:14.079
And right after Labor Day...
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00:05:14.081 --> 00:05:15.914
You're leaving us?
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00:05:15.916 --> 00:05:18.550
Ma, I told you,
he's going to Harvard.
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00:05:18.552 --> 00:05:19.818
And Anthony's
joining the Navy.
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We're losing all
the cute lifeguards.
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Not all the cute lifeguards.
I'll still be around, ladies.
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You smell like beef.
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We're proud of you, Danny.
Oh, you're a good kid.
Come here.
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Come here.
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Let me at him.
Let me at him.
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Thanks, Mrs. Bandini.
Let me at him.
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Mrs. Bandini Jr.
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Oh! We're all huggy.
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Ow!
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Okay. See you guys.
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00:05:40.007 --> 00:05:42.007
Enjoy your game
of slowly dying.
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00:05:42.009 --> 00:05:43.608
Bye.
Fuck off.
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00:05:44.844 --> 00:05:47.412
Danny, if you had
half the game
with younger women
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00:05:47.414 --> 00:05:49.047
that you do
with older women,
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you'd be laying it down.
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I talk to women our age.
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I'm sorry?
Women our age?
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I don't know any
"women our age".
I know a bunch of girls.
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See, that vocabulary
you have.
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00:06:01.528 --> 00:06:03.929
You're wearing
a giant sign that says,
"I'm a virgin."
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00:06:03.931 --> 00:06:07.733
Technically,
I had half of my tip
inside Megan O'Reilly
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00:06:07.735 --> 00:06:10.469
before her fucking cat
attacked me. Okay?
106
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Do you understand
that you could get
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00:06:11.739 --> 00:06:14.439
any single girl
in this entire place?
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But you don't. Why?
109
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Well, I'm sorry
if I have higher
standards than you.
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00:06:19.613 --> 00:06:22.647
Really? Do you
want to have sex
on Christmas?
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00:06:22.649 --> 00:06:25.083
What are you, Hugh Grant?
You're just a guy.
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00:06:25.085 --> 00:06:27.052
- You're just a...
- Campbell!
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Some kid puked in
the Lost and Found.
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I want you to
wash all the clothes
and put them back in.
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Translation,
"You're my bitch."
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And Gomes!
Get your ass back
in the baby pool!
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Now who's the bitch, bitch?
118
00:06:41.602 --> 00:06:45.036
It's definitely not me.
Bye, Bane.
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00:06:45.038 --> 00:06:46.738
Bye, Batman.
120
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Victor, what are you doing?
121
00:06:53.045 --> 00:06:54.913
Found this fucking frog.
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Gonna shoot it
out of this
fucking leaf blower.
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00:06:58.918 --> 00:07:00.519
Jesus Christ.
124
00:07:02.054 --> 00:07:05.824
No. No, no, no.
You guys, you cannot invite
a mom to a staff party.
125
00:07:05.826 --> 00:07:07.459
Skootch, first of all,
is the keeper of the keys.
126
00:07:07.461 --> 00:07:08.593
So, what do you
think, Skootch,
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00:07:08.595 --> 00:07:09.761
can Ms. Greeley
come to the party?
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00:07:09.763 --> 00:07:11.163
Mmm.
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00:07:11.165 --> 00:07:13.732
I'll allow it.
Yes, he will.
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00:07:13.734 --> 00:07:15.033
And you know,
the best part is, dude,
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00:07:15.035 --> 00:07:16.835
she had a kid,
like, a year ago, man.
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She's still fucking stacked.
Oh, it's incredible.
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00:07:19.540 --> 00:07:22.207
You're abysmal.
Would Danny ever say
anything like that?
134
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No, Danny would not say
something like that,
because he's Irish.
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Okay? They don't think
about sex till they're,
like, 25.
136
00:07:28.582 --> 00:07:31.049
Wow. That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard in my life.
137
00:07:31.051 --> 00:07:33.785
It's a biology fact,
Mary Ellen. Okay?
Read a fucking book.
138
00:07:33.787 --> 00:07:37.055
Okay, look. First there's
Hispanic guys, obviously.
139
00:07:37.057 --> 00:07:39.558
Then the black guys.
Then the Italians.
140
00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:42.527
Then the French.
And then the Irish, all right?
141
00:07:42.529 --> 00:07:44.663
And then probably, like,
the Asians eventually.
142
00:07:44.665 --> 00:07:46.665
Oh, my God.
When you join the Navy,
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00:07:46.667 --> 00:07:49.501
their collective IQ
is gonna drop,
like, 25 points.
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Like, you're going
to sink our ships.
145
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Hey, look.
If you're in love with me,
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00:07:53.207 --> 00:07:54.539
just say you're
in love with me.
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Yeah.
You know.
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00:07:55.909 --> 00:07:57.642
Is that how you say
it in sign language?
149
00:07:57.644 --> 00:07:59.077
Is it that?
No, that's "Fuck you."
150
00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:00.745
Oh! That's "Fuck you."
151
00:08:04.684 --> 00:08:07.519
Hey, scram, kids.
Beat it. It's adult swim
152
00:08:08.120 --> 00:08:09.855
in the bathroom.
153
00:08:18.564 --> 00:08:20.765
I'm the king of the castle.
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Home sweet home.
155
00:08:39.019 --> 00:08:41.119
My own executive bathroom.
156
00:08:46.259 --> 00:08:48.059
Dude. Ow. Truce?
157
00:08:48.861 --> 00:08:50.562
Sorry, man.
Truce.
158
00:08:51.163 --> 00:08:53.198
Wow.
159
00:08:53.200 --> 00:08:55.767
You guys have
really matured this summer.
160
00:08:57.069 --> 00:09:01.072
Rachel
and Rebecca Rabinowitz.
Half Asian, half Jewish.
161
00:09:01.074 --> 00:09:03.675
They were identical,
but somehow everyone agreed,
162
00:09:03.677 --> 00:09:05.043
Rachel was the hot one.
163
00:09:05.045 --> 00:09:06.545
Oh! Rachel.
164
00:09:06.846 --> 00:09:08.213
Rebecca.
165
00:09:08.215 --> 00:09:10.615
- How are you guys?
- Good.
166
00:09:10.617 --> 00:09:12.951
So, hey. Are you guys
going to the staff party
on Saturday?
167
00:09:12.953 --> 00:09:14.152
Ooh. Staff party.
168
00:09:14.154 --> 00:09:15.954
Uh, Danny's not,
169
00:09:15.956 --> 00:09:18.256
'cause he's going to Orlando
to get his vagina enlarged,
170
00:09:18.258 --> 00:09:20.091
but I will be there.
171
00:09:20.093 --> 00:09:22.160
Oh! That's cute
they invite
the baby pool lifeguards.
172
00:09:22.162 --> 00:09:23.962
Oh, it's cute
that you exist.
173
00:09:23.964 --> 00:09:25.897
Why can't there just be
two of you, Rachel?
174
00:09:25.899 --> 00:09:28.033
Why can't there
be zero Franks?
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00:09:28.035 --> 00:09:32.203
I do everything here, okay?
I'm not a baby pool lifeguard.
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00:09:32.205 --> 00:09:35.774
I'm a lifeguard
who happens to be
at the baby pool right now.
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00:09:35.776 --> 00:09:39.945
Well, it's been great
hanging out with you guys.
See you later.
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00:09:39.947 --> 00:09:42.047
Bye, Danny.
Not bye, Frank.
179
00:09:42.049 --> 00:09:44.849
Bye, Rachel. I love you.
Please die in a fire, Rebecca.
180
00:09:46.118 --> 00:09:47.986
Chuck, you in here?
181
00:09:47.988 --> 00:09:49.287
Chuck. Chuck.
182
00:09:49.289 --> 00:09:51.289
Yo. Chuck.
183
00:09:51.291 --> 00:09:53.758
Not now, Victor.
Go away, buddy.
184
00:09:53.760 --> 00:09:55.860
Yeah. Okay, yeah.
But you know,
185
00:09:55.862 --> 00:09:58.830
there's a hornets' nest
by the handball court.
186
00:09:58.832 --> 00:10:01.833
This thing is insane, man.
It's like
a hornet Mexico City.
187
00:10:01.835 --> 00:10:04.102
Talk to me about it in,
like, 20 minutes.
Not now!
188
00:10:05.638 --> 00:10:07.772
Just... Victor, just
take care of the nest.
Get out of here.
189
00:10:07.774 --> 00:10:09.908
God. Get your
face out of here.
190
00:10:09.910 --> 00:10:11.343
Chuck, all right,
I'm on it, man.
191
00:10:11.345 --> 00:10:13.612
Are you still there?
Yeah, I'm on it. Okay.
192
00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:15.046
Thank you
for the opportunity.
193
00:10:18.619 --> 00:10:20.919
Am I the only one
that's normal around here?
194
00:10:22.989 --> 00:10:24.222
Look at that horse.
195
00:10:25.625 --> 00:10:27.792
That one's brown as hell.
196
00:10:28.127 --> 00:10:30.161
Oh, Danny.
197
00:10:30.163 --> 00:10:33.365
Why can't you just
man up for once
in your life, okay?
198
00:10:33.367 --> 00:10:34.933
This is the last
weekend of summer.
199
00:10:34.935 --> 00:10:36.134
I am being a man.
200
00:10:36.136 --> 00:10:40.038
The only reason why I'm going
is because it means
a lot to my parents.
201
00:10:40.040 --> 00:10:42.407
Okay, well,
the staff party
is this Saturday.
202
00:10:42.409 --> 00:10:45.910
And you know what?
Danny, it means
a lot to me.
203
00:10:45.912 --> 00:10:48.947
I have been laying track
with Rachel all summer.
204
00:10:48.949 --> 00:10:51.883
And she's finally into me,
and I think I'm gonna S the D.
205
00:10:52.918 --> 00:10:54.085
Suck the dick?
206
00:10:54.087 --> 00:10:57.088
What? No.
Seal the deal.
207
00:10:57.090 --> 00:10:58.857
Why don't you just say that?
Because it's
a shorter way...
208
00:10:58.859 --> 00:11:01.026
It doesn't matter. Okay?
209
00:11:01.028 --> 00:11:03.261
The staff party
is the culmination
of the entire summer.
210
00:11:03.263 --> 00:11:04.963
It's basically
summer prom.
211
00:11:04.965 --> 00:11:07.132
And you know what happens
at prom, Danny?
212
00:11:07.134 --> 00:11:09.334
Girls S the D.
213
00:11:09.336 --> 00:11:11.136
Seal the deal.
Suck the dick.
214
00:11:11.138 --> 00:11:12.671
Are you not listening?
215
00:11:12.673 --> 00:11:14.673
It's like a milestone
in their lives.
216
00:11:14.675 --> 00:11:16.007
It's like
the moon landing.
217
00:11:16.009 --> 00:11:18.877
But instead of a pole
going into the ground,
218
00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:20.679
it's our dicks
going into them.
219
00:11:22.214 --> 00:11:23.415
Ow!
220
00:11:23.417 --> 00:11:24.949
God, man.
Whoa!
221
00:11:25.151 --> 00:11:26.151
Harvard.
222
00:11:28.754 --> 00:11:32.157
The party is
officially on.
223
00:11:32.159 --> 00:11:33.358
Whew!
224
00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:35.193
Danny's favorite chicken.
225
00:11:35.195 --> 00:11:36.961
Okay.
226
00:11:36.963 --> 00:11:40.031
Not only do we have access
to all four parks
227
00:11:41.701 --> 00:11:44.069
plus Typhoon Lagoon,
so bring your suit,
228
00:11:44.870 --> 00:11:46.204
but... Drum roll, please.
229
00:11:49.208 --> 00:11:52.077
We got Fastpasses.
230
00:11:52.445 --> 00:11:54.012
Nice.
231
00:11:54.014 --> 00:11:55.914
Remember when you
used to stand up
232
00:11:55.916 --> 00:11:57.782
and recite the entire
Jungle Cruise?
233
00:11:57.784 --> 00:11:59.784
'Cause you had
the whole ride memorized.
234
00:11:59.786 --> 00:12:05.390
and you, you'd put your arm
inside your shirt like
the hippo bit it off.
235
00:12:05.392 --> 00:12:07.192
Yeah.
236
00:12:08.194 --> 00:12:10.495
I was terrified one time.
237
00:12:10.497 --> 00:12:12.864
I'm really excited.
It just kind of sucks
238
00:12:12.866 --> 00:12:14.899
that I'm not gonna be here
for my last weekend
with Frank.
239
00:12:17.336 --> 00:12:19.370
Mmm.
240
00:12:19.372 --> 00:12:22.107
Well, you know,
I mean, Frank...
241
00:12:22.109 --> 00:12:24.209
You two are
gonna keep in touch.
Mmm-hmm.
242
00:12:24.211 --> 00:12:26.211
You're gonna make
new friends at Harvard.
243
00:12:26.213 --> 00:12:29.280
You know. And who knows?
Maybe you're gonna
meet a couple of
244
00:12:29.282 --> 00:12:31.015
cute ladies.
Oh!
245
00:12:32.251 --> 00:12:34.285
Maybe not her, but...
246
00:12:34.287 --> 00:12:36.221
It's just that
you and Frank...
247
00:12:36.223 --> 00:12:37.956
Honey, you're just
on different paths.
You know?
248
00:12:37.958 --> 00:12:39.290
And again, we love Frank.
249
00:12:40.226 --> 00:12:42.193
Yeah, love him to death.
250
00:12:46.232 --> 00:12:47.899
Hey.
251
00:12:47.901 --> 00:12:51.936
Sorry that took so long.
I got distracted on my phone.
252
00:12:52.371 --> 00:12:54.072
I was playing a new game.
253
00:12:54.074 --> 00:12:56.908
Oh, yeah?
What's that, Frank?
Oh!
254
00:12:56.910 --> 00:12:59.978
It's like Whac-A-Mole,
but with penises
and glory holes.
255
00:12:59.980 --> 00:13:01.980
And you just,
like, whack the penis
256
00:13:01.982 --> 00:13:04.816
back into the glory hole,
so it doesn't...
257
00:13:04.818 --> 00:13:06.050
Doesn't, you know...
I understand.
258
00:13:07.453 --> 00:13:09.254
How's the
Disney planning going?
259
00:13:09.256 --> 00:13:11.523
Oh, my God.
Dude, do you
remember that one time
260
00:13:11.525 --> 00:13:13.491
where you did
the entire Jungle Cruise
261
00:13:13.493 --> 00:13:14.859
and everybody
laughed at you
262
00:13:14.861 --> 00:13:17.095
because you looked
like a fucking moron?
263
00:13:17.097 --> 00:13:20.365
All right, you,
I'm gonna go shut that door
and open a window.
264
00:13:21.534 --> 00:13:24.002
Maybe knock down a wall.
265
00:13:24.004 --> 00:13:26.037
I just hear the cat kind of
screaming a little bit.
266
00:13:58.170 --> 00:13:59.904
Guys, you gotta
check this out.
267
00:13:59.906 --> 00:14:01.306
Look at all these
beautiful women that
268
00:14:01.308 --> 00:14:04.342
Danny's gonna be
going to college with.
269
00:14:04.344 --> 00:14:07.045
Oh, what is that?
Dog and Elephant Quarterly?
270
00:14:07.047 --> 00:14:09.113
Why do you
even have that?
Because I found it.
271
00:14:09.115 --> 00:14:12.050
Look at this girl.
She's a butter everything.
272
00:14:12.052 --> 00:14:14.986
She'd be hot
"but her everything".
273
00:14:14.988 --> 00:14:17.021
Hey, Frank,
serious question.
274
00:14:17.023 --> 00:14:19.591
Have you ever seen yourself,
like, in a mirror?
275
00:14:19.593 --> 00:14:21.492
Because actually,
on a Frank scale,
276
00:14:21.494 --> 00:14:23.461
that girl's, like,
a hundred Franks.
277
00:14:23.463 --> 00:14:26.497
And on the Mary Ellen scale,
she's about half a Mary Ellen.
278
00:14:26.499 --> 00:14:28.600
That's a compliment,
what you've just said.
279
00:14:28.602 --> 00:14:30.869
Mine actually was
not a compliment to you.
280
00:14:30.871 --> 00:14:32.337
What's the brochure like
for your parents' basement?
281
00:14:32.339 --> 00:14:34.005
This isn't about me.
282
00:14:34.007 --> 00:14:36.040
This is about Danny
banging someone decent
283
00:14:36.042 --> 00:14:38.376
before he goes off
to Monsters University.
284
00:14:38.378 --> 00:14:42.013
What I don't understand is,
why you need
a party to get laid.
285
00:14:42.015 --> 00:14:45.083
Why don't you just
go out and just
bang something?
286
00:14:45.085 --> 00:14:47.585
Yeah, you say that because
you hook up with moms.
287
00:14:47.587 --> 00:14:49.587
Moms don't need
a party to have sex.
288
00:14:49.589 --> 00:14:51.155
They need a glass
of shitty wine.
289
00:14:51.523 --> 00:14:53.024
Hey, Anthony.
290
00:14:53.459 --> 00:14:55.126
Hi.
291
00:14:55.128 --> 00:14:56.261
Happy noon.
292
00:14:59.498 --> 00:15:02.066
Oh, man.
Ladies, I brought lunch.
293
00:15:03.535 --> 00:15:06.271
Doctors say you don't
get the benefits of wine
until the third glass.
294
00:15:06.273 --> 00:15:07.939
No way.
295
00:15:07.941 --> 00:15:09.674
I know. She's great,
isn't she?
296
00:15:09.676 --> 00:15:11.409
No, no, not her.
297
00:15:13.145 --> 00:15:14.178
Her.
298
00:15:17.651 --> 00:15:22.186
I had been perfectly
content to leave
Staten Island forever.
299
00:15:24.256 --> 00:15:27.625
But just when
I thought I was out,
it pulled me back in.
300
00:15:29.396 --> 00:15:31.129
Krystal Manicucci.
301
00:15:34.133 --> 00:15:36.968
She was the undisputed
Queen of Staten Island.
302
00:15:42.141 --> 00:15:45.143
And she was
the most beautiful woman
I'd ever seen in my life.
303
00:16:24.150 --> 00:16:27.251
Don't do that.
You're giving me
the heebie-jeebies.
304
00:16:27.253 --> 00:16:29.020
When you stare like that,
you look like a serial killer.
305
00:16:30.456 --> 00:16:33.024
Bro, you got to
forget about Krystal.
All right?
306
00:16:33.026 --> 00:16:35.126
Why? So you can
get with her?
307
00:16:35.128 --> 00:16:39.364
No, even I'm not
that stupid. All right?
Her dad's Leo Manicucci.
308
00:16:39.366 --> 00:16:41.466
Like on the side of
all those heating oil trucks?
309
00:16:41.468 --> 00:16:43.201
So?
310
00:16:43.203 --> 00:16:45.636
So, the dude's
old school Mafia.
311
00:16:45.638 --> 00:16:47.338
Okay. You guys know
my buddy Tim?
312
00:16:47.340 --> 00:16:49.240
Well, his friend
Dave asked her
313
00:16:49.242 --> 00:16:50.708
to the sophomore-junior
semiformal. All right?
314
00:16:50.710 --> 00:16:54.379
Well, he found out,
went to the dude's house,
315
00:16:54.381 --> 00:16:56.748
ripped out his mailbox
and fucking beat him
half to death with it
316
00:16:56.750 --> 00:16:58.216
in front of his
whole family.
317
00:16:58.218 --> 00:17:00.518
Oh, my God.
Are you serious?
Yes.
318
00:17:00.520 --> 00:17:02.420
That's the most
ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.
319
00:17:02.422 --> 00:17:04.689
Shut up.
Then don't believe me.
All right?
320
00:17:04.691 --> 00:17:06.224
Oh, I won't.
It's your fucking funeral.
321
00:17:22.541 --> 00:17:24.575
Man, that thing
is messed up.
322
00:17:26.111 --> 00:17:28.312
There's probably, like,
a thousand hornets in there.
323
00:17:28.814 --> 00:17:31.649
Now go spray it.
No way. You go.
324
00:17:31.651 --> 00:17:33.451
All right, fine.
But don't move.
325
00:17:43.796 --> 00:17:45.797
Okay, that's not
going to work.
326
00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.066
I think we need
to take this to
the next level.
327
00:17:48.068 --> 00:17:49.300
Yeah, damn right we do.
328
00:17:54.306 --> 00:17:55.573
Yo.
329
00:17:55.575 --> 00:17:56.808
Hairy Melon.
330
00:17:56.810 --> 00:17:58.476
Wassup? Uh, question.
331
00:17:58.478 --> 00:18:00.445
If I got to transport,
like, 144 passengers
332
00:18:00.447 --> 00:18:04.148
and I have,
like, a 36-seat van,
333
00:18:04.150 --> 00:18:06.217
how many trips is
that gonna take?
Probably, like 11.
334
00:18:06.752 --> 00:18:09.220
I think it's more like four.
335
00:18:09.222 --> 00:18:11.355
Yeah. No, no, like,
those weren't the numbers,
336
00:18:11.357 --> 00:18:14.826
I was using
a couple of different
groups of numbers. So...
337
00:18:14.828 --> 00:18:16.794
If you want,
I could help you study.
338
00:18:16.796 --> 00:18:19.197
Like, I used to
do SAT prep.
339
00:18:19.199 --> 00:18:21.099
Yeah, okay. Well,
SATs are for pussies.
340
00:18:21.101 --> 00:18:24.836
I got my own system.
It's gonna be fine.
And I do not need your help.
341
00:18:24.838 --> 00:18:27.238
So don't you worry
your pretty little head.
342
00:18:28.507 --> 00:18:30.308
Yo. Bullshit.
343
00:18:31.110 --> 00:18:33.177
There's no color
called indigo.
344
00:18:33.179 --> 00:18:36.547
Yeah, there is.
It's in the rainbow.
You know, Roy G. Biv?
345
00:18:36.549 --> 00:18:39.150
A guy named Roy G. Biv
invented the rainbow?
346
00:18:39.152 --> 00:18:40.751
How do you
invent the rainbow?
347
00:18:40.753 --> 00:18:42.520
I think it's like,
if you're really gay
348
00:18:42.855 --> 00:18:44.322
and it rains...
349
00:18:49.195 --> 00:18:50.495
Coming from the sky.
350
00:18:50.497 --> 00:18:53.197
It's wine-ado.
351
00:18:53.199 --> 00:18:54.665
Anthony.
Hi, Ms. Greeley.
352
00:18:54.667 --> 00:18:56.567
Hi, Anthony.
353
00:18:56.569 --> 00:19:00.238
I was wondering
if you could assist me.
354
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:03.241
It would be my pleasure.
Let me see that.
355
00:19:03.243 --> 00:19:05.510
Ms. Greeley, I am worried
356
00:19:05.512 --> 00:19:08.212
maybe you've had,
like, a little too much
to drink forever.
357
00:19:08.214 --> 00:19:09.847
We're breaking a lot of rules.
358
00:19:09.849 --> 00:19:13.217
We have lifeguards drinking.
There's glass by the pool.
359
00:19:13.219 --> 00:19:15.353
Oh, my God.
What are you,
the wine police?
360
00:19:15.355 --> 00:19:17.455
Yeah.
What are you going
to do, arrest me?
361
00:19:17.457 --> 00:19:18.756
Boo!
Aah!
362
00:19:18.758 --> 00:19:19.724
Anthony.
363
00:19:20.859 --> 00:19:22.627
Would you say
you have a big dick?
364
00:19:23.862 --> 00:19:25.229
Hmm?
365
00:19:25.497 --> 00:19:26.564
Wow.
366
00:19:33.705 --> 00:19:35.506
Well, well, well.
367
00:19:35.508 --> 00:19:38.209
My old buddy, Skootch.
What's up, pal?
368
00:19:38.944 --> 00:19:41.379
Working on
the CPR dummy?
369
00:19:41.381 --> 00:19:43.648
It's not perfect form
and the stomach's on fire, but
370
00:19:44.616 --> 00:19:45.650
just watch out for that.
371
00:19:46.785 --> 00:19:48.653
So, you got any
big plans this weekend?
372
00:19:50.790 --> 00:19:52.423
No?
373
00:19:52.425 --> 00:19:54.392
That's funny,
because last weekend
of summer,
374
00:19:54.394 --> 00:19:55.660
I remember
when we were lifeguards,
375
00:19:55.662 --> 00:19:57.728
before I was promoted
to manager over you,
376
00:19:58.797 --> 00:20:01.332
we used to always
have a staff party.
377
00:20:01.334 --> 00:20:02.667
I was, of course,
never invited,
378
00:20:02.669 --> 00:20:05.369
but also chose
independently not to go.
379
00:20:06.672 --> 00:20:08.472
So, no party
this year, though?
380
00:20:09.641 --> 00:20:10.608
I hope not.
381
00:20:12.311 --> 00:20:15.813
If you are having a party
and I catch you,
382
00:20:15.815 --> 00:20:19.217
I will finally
have the excuse I need
to fire your fat ass.
383
00:20:19.818 --> 00:20:21.385
And I'll be
locking up from now on.
384
00:20:23.555 --> 00:20:26.457
See these guys?
These are Chuck's now.
385
00:20:29.828 --> 00:20:31.596
I find out you're
having a party...
386
00:21:46.405 --> 00:21:48.306
Danny, you're
scaring the children.
387
00:21:49.007 --> 00:21:50.608
She's perfect.
388
00:21:50.610 --> 00:21:52.877
Oh, my God. She was saying
the same thing about you,
389
00:21:52.879 --> 00:21:55.513
in your dreams,
when you were
jerking off to her.
390
00:21:55.515 --> 00:21:59.750
Remember? You made
a little mess on your tum-tum?
391
00:21:59.752 --> 00:22:02.520
I should explain.
Krystal and I had a history.
392
00:22:05.524 --> 00:22:07.758
She used to babysit me
when I was in third grade.
393
00:22:07.760 --> 00:22:09.427
You were
amazing tonight, Danny.
394
00:22:10.696 --> 00:22:12.396
So well-behaved.
395
00:22:15.767 --> 00:22:18.469
After she left,
I did what any
third grader would do.
396
00:22:25.644 --> 00:22:28.579
I pretended
my stuffed lion was
Krystal Manicucci.
397
00:22:31.083 --> 00:22:33.417
And I stroked its cheek.
398
00:22:34.419 --> 00:22:36.754
And I kissed it
oh so tenderly.
399
00:22:39.458 --> 00:22:41.926
Over the years,
our relationship matured.
400
00:22:43.061 --> 00:22:44.695
More grape juice?
401
00:22:49.101 --> 00:22:51.435
I'm really
starting to feel it.
402
00:22:54.139 --> 00:22:56.507
And eventually
things intensified.
403
00:23:06.952 --> 00:23:08.586
It was true love.
404
00:23:41.553 --> 00:23:42.820
Look at them.
405
00:23:43.789 --> 00:23:46.957
They're like tiny,
sexy Jeremy Lins,
406
00:23:46.959 --> 00:23:49.160
bouncing that ass
like a basketball.
407
00:23:49.162 --> 00:23:51.962
Right, let's do this.
I get Rachel and
you get Rebecca.
408
00:23:51.964 --> 00:23:53.130
Why do I get Rebecca?
409
00:23:53.132 --> 00:23:54.632
Who cares? They're twins.
410
00:23:54.634 --> 00:23:55.633
All right,
you take Rebecca.
411
00:23:55.635 --> 00:23:57.034
Rebecca's disgusting.
412
00:23:57.702 --> 00:23:59.537
Hey, Rachel.
413
00:23:59.871 --> 00:24:01.505
Gremlin.
414
00:24:01.507 --> 00:24:03.541
We were just admiring
your dope-ass skills.
415
00:24:03.543 --> 00:24:05.075
Maybe we could
play some doubles.
416
00:24:05.077 --> 00:24:07.178
"Doubles?"
Have you ever
played basketball, Frank?
417
00:24:07.180 --> 00:24:09.980
Yeah, I've played
basketball, Rebecca. Okay?
418
00:24:10.817 --> 00:24:14.685
and Rebecca will
pair up with that
overflowing trash can.
419
00:24:14.687 --> 00:24:16.053
It's a little more
your speed.
420
00:24:16.055 --> 00:24:17.988
Well, I would take
the trash can over you,
421
00:24:17.990 --> 00:24:19.790
based on look and smell.
Great.
422
00:24:21.126 --> 00:24:23.194
Oh, what you got?
423
00:24:23.196 --> 00:24:25.863
Oh, fuck.
It's an actual biker.
424
00:24:25.865 --> 00:24:28.799
That guys looks like
he has a tattoo of Satan
on his 12-inch dick.
425
00:24:28.801 --> 00:24:30.734
I catch her
with that asshole,
I'll kill them both.
426
00:24:37.209 --> 00:24:38.042
What the fuck?
427
00:24:38.810 --> 00:24:40.144
Holy shit!
428
00:24:40.146 --> 00:24:41.579
Son of a bitch!
429
00:24:41.581 --> 00:24:43.113
Danny.
Run, run, run.
430
00:24:43.115 --> 00:24:46.116
Hey, kid!
Did you just hit me
with that basketball?
431
00:24:46.118 --> 00:24:47.885
I swear, it was an accident.
I promise.
432
00:24:47.887 --> 00:24:50.087
Accident, my ass!
The basket's over there!
433
00:24:50.089 --> 00:24:51.655
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
434
00:24:51.657 --> 00:24:52.890
What's your name?
Danny Campbell.
435
00:24:52.892 --> 00:24:54.825
53 Highland Lane.
436
00:24:54.827 --> 00:24:57.595
In the future, you be
a little more careful.
All right?
437
00:24:57.597 --> 00:24:58.929
And your fat
little friend's a rat.
438
00:25:06.104 --> 00:25:09.874
You know, a rat is actually
one of the smartest
creatures on earth.
439
00:25:09.876 --> 00:25:11.876
So I'm pretty sure
he was paying me a compliment.
440
00:25:11.878 --> 00:25:13.978
Yeah? And what about
when he called you fat?
441
00:25:13.980 --> 00:25:15.746
Uh, I'm pretty sure
he called me "flat",
442
00:25:15.748 --> 00:25:17.014
as in flat-chested,
which I am.
443
00:25:17.016 --> 00:25:17.915
Hey, Danny.
444
00:25:20.018 --> 00:25:21.519
Oh, shit.
445
00:25:23.288 --> 00:25:24.655
You are Danny Campbell,
right?
446
00:25:25.857 --> 00:25:27.725
Dr. Campbell's son?
447
00:25:27.727 --> 00:25:28.926
I'm Krystal.
448
00:25:29.895 --> 00:25:31.095
Manicucci.
449
00:25:32.030 --> 00:25:33.831
I used to babysit you.
450
00:25:34.266 --> 00:25:35.866
Oh, yeah.
451
00:25:35.868 --> 00:25:38.035
Yeah, right.
Sorry. Of course. Krystal.
452
00:25:38.037 --> 00:25:39.937
Yeah, I think
I remember you.
453
00:25:39.939 --> 00:25:42.573
I've had a lot
of babysitters, but yeah.
454
00:25:43.041 --> 00:25:44.808
I'm Frank Gomes. I'm, uh...
455
00:25:48.013 --> 00:25:49.146
Fresh pepper?
456
00:25:49.948 --> 00:25:51.549
Fresh pepper?
457
00:25:52.717 --> 00:25:54.885
You two enjoy...
Have a good...
458
00:25:55.587 --> 00:25:57.688
Enjoy the meal
that you have.
459
00:25:59.291 --> 00:26:01.559
Uh...
Yeah, I don't
really know him.
460
00:26:03.296 --> 00:26:05.095
So, were you
leaving right now?
461
00:26:05.897 --> 00:26:07.598
I could be.
462
00:26:08.333 --> 00:26:09.967
Or I could stay.
463
00:26:11.236 --> 00:26:13.637
I don't really...
I'm flexible, I guess.
464
00:26:14.706 --> 00:26:16.774
Well, if you were
leaving right now,
465
00:26:16.776 --> 00:26:19.610
I was going to ask
if I could get a ride home.
466
00:26:20.779 --> 00:26:22.880
My dad was
supposed to take me,
467
00:26:22.882 --> 00:26:24.782
but he had to take
care of something.
468
00:26:25.183 --> 00:26:27.251
Oh. Yeah. For sure.
469
00:26:27.253 --> 00:26:30.054
I totally could
give you a ride home.
470
00:26:30.056 --> 00:26:31.722
Um, definitely.
471
00:26:32.857 --> 00:26:33.857
Okay.
472
00:26:53.345 --> 00:26:55.145
So, you're going
to Harvard.
473
00:26:55.947 --> 00:26:57.781
Yep, going up to Boston.
474
00:27:02.187 --> 00:27:04.355
Killer wheels,
by the way.
475
00:27:04.357 --> 00:27:06.890
Yeah, it goes
zero to 60 in never.
476
00:27:16.334 --> 00:27:17.968
This is you?
477
00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:19.103
Yeah, this is me.
478
00:27:19.105 --> 00:27:20.704
Hold on.
479
00:27:27.245 --> 00:27:28.979
Wow, you have
a really great house.
480
00:27:30.649 --> 00:27:32.216
Are you kidding me?
481
00:27:32.951 --> 00:27:35.019
It's horrible.
482
00:27:35.021 --> 00:27:37.721
My mom decided
she was going to
start redecorating.
483
00:27:37.723 --> 00:27:39.957
Everything is marble.
484
00:27:39.959 --> 00:27:42.259
Oh, yeah.
And there's a painting
of Frank Sinatra on the cross
485
00:27:42.261 --> 00:27:43.861
like he's Jesus.
486
00:27:43.863 --> 00:27:45.963
That's a really
complicated image.
487
00:27:47.867 --> 00:27:50.834
Yeah, well, I'm saving up
so I can move out.
488
00:27:50.836 --> 00:27:52.970
And my dad is like,
a legit psychopath.
489
00:27:53.672 --> 00:27:55.039
Really?
Yeah.
490
00:27:57.676 --> 00:27:58.242
Well, thank you.
For the ride.
491
00:27:58.376 --> 00:27:59.943
Yeah.
492
00:27:59.945 --> 00:28:02.146
It was slightly
faster than walking.
493
00:28:03.214 --> 00:28:06.250
That's the name
of my rickshaw company.
494
00:28:06.252 --> 00:28:07.918
"Slightly Faster
Than Walking."
495
00:28:08.888 --> 00:28:12.756
Oh, hey, maybe I'll
see you at the pool
this weekend.
496
00:28:12.758 --> 00:28:14.692
You know, if you're around.
497
00:28:14.694 --> 00:28:17.094
Uh, yeah. Totally.
I'll be there.
498
00:28:18.430 --> 00:28:20.164
Not going anywhere.
499
00:28:33.445 --> 00:28:35.446
And that's why
it's called
"The No Spin Zone".
500
00:28:35.448 --> 00:28:37.181
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
501
00:28:37.183 --> 00:28:38.949
He doesn't
put up with it.
Mmm-mmm.
502
00:28:40.118 --> 00:28:42.186
So, are you all packed?
503
00:28:42.188 --> 00:28:44.288
Like, the car's
getting full.
504
00:28:44.290 --> 00:28:46.724
Hey, you know
who I actually saw
earlier today?
505
00:28:46.726 --> 00:28:48.025
Krystal Manicucci.
506
00:28:48.027 --> 00:28:49.927
Remember, she used
to babysit me?
507
00:28:49.929 --> 00:28:52.763
Oh, God. How could we forget?
That girl was crazy.
508
00:28:52.765 --> 00:28:54.932
Thirteen years old
and she already had a tattoo.
509
00:28:54.934 --> 00:28:57.134
How do you decide
on a tattoo when you're 13?
510
00:28:57.136 --> 00:29:00.337
I mean, if I got
a tattoo when I was 13,
it would be
511
00:29:00.339 --> 00:29:04.274
a tramp stamp of
Popeye right next
to a Chinese symbol
512
00:29:04.276 --> 00:29:06.977
for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.
513
00:29:06.979 --> 00:29:10.481
Remember the time
she arrived with some guy...
514
00:29:10.483 --> 00:29:13.917
He's older,
and he was stoned on heroin.
515
00:29:13.919 --> 00:29:15.452
Or smack.
Was it smack?
516
00:29:15.454 --> 00:29:17.121
That's the street
name for it, yeah.
517
00:29:17.123 --> 00:29:19.923
And they both came
riding up on a motorcycle.
518
00:29:21.493 --> 00:29:23.060
What's so bad
about a motorcycle?
519
00:29:24.996 --> 00:29:26.930
You want to
ride a motorcycle?
520
00:29:26.932 --> 00:29:30.134
Do you know how
many of my patients
have broken bones
521
00:29:30.136 --> 00:29:31.802
from motorcycle accidents?
522
00:29:31.804 --> 00:29:34.037
How many of them
are in wheelchairs right now?
523
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:36.273
I don't know. How many?
524
00:29:36.975 --> 00:29:38.142
Several.
525
00:29:39.477 --> 00:29:41.445
Very many.
Mmm-hmm.
526
00:29:41.447 --> 00:29:44.081
Well, if Krystal was so crazy,
why'd you let her babysit me?
527
00:29:45.217 --> 00:29:47.484
Because her father's
a psychopath.
528
00:29:47.486 --> 00:29:49.019
You know that they're
529
00:29:50.256 --> 00:29:53.090
We were afraid if we
didn't hire his daughter,
530
00:29:53.092 --> 00:29:54.525
we were gonna wind up
buried in a landfill
531
00:29:54.527 --> 00:29:56.260
next to Dustin Hoffman.
532
00:29:56.262 --> 00:29:57.361
Well, Jimmy Hoffa.
533
00:29:58.797 --> 00:30:00.330
Well, then who's
the baseball player?
534
00:30:01.332 --> 00:30:02.933
I don't think
535
00:30:04.269 --> 00:30:05.335
anyone.
536
00:30:07.205 --> 00:30:08.272
Anyways, um,
537
00:30:09.574 --> 00:30:11.942
Krystal actually invited me
to a party this weekend.
538
00:30:12.277 --> 00:30:14.211
In Orlando?
539
00:30:14.213 --> 00:30:17.014
Because you're in Disney
with us this weekend, right?
540
00:30:17.882 --> 00:30:20.050
Look, I'm not
saying I'm going.
541
00:30:20.052 --> 00:30:21.885
I'm just saying
I was invited.
542
00:30:25.523 --> 00:30:26.824
Well...
543
00:30:29.594 --> 00:30:32.963
Maybe you can ride there
on a motorcycle.
544
00:30:53.184 --> 00:30:54.985
Hey, maybe I'll
see you at the pool
this weekend.
545
00:30:57.589 --> 00:31:00.591
Yes! Bump! Yes!
546
00:31:00.593 --> 00:31:03.393
Danny, I'm so happy
you are staying.
547
00:31:03.395 --> 00:31:07.531
This is going to be
the best last weekend ever.
548
00:31:07.533 --> 00:31:10.234
No one can touch us.
We're never gonna die.
549
00:31:10.236 --> 00:31:11.568
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, hold on, hold on,
550
00:31:11.570 --> 00:31:12.936
for, like, two seconds here.
551
00:31:12.938 --> 00:31:14.104
Danny.
552
00:31:14.106 --> 00:31:16.607
Krystal Manicucci
brought you back
553
00:31:16.609 --> 00:31:19.543
to her house and
you didn't bang that?
554
00:31:19.545 --> 00:31:21.612
This is the shit
I'm talking about.
555
00:31:21.614 --> 00:31:23.881
Fucking Irish guys, man.
556
00:31:23.883 --> 00:31:25.983
Okay.
Can we focus on the party?
557
00:31:25.985 --> 00:31:28.352
Or, like, anything
that will keep
you from talking?
558
00:31:28.354 --> 00:31:29.887
Anything. Truly.
559
00:31:29.889 --> 00:31:31.955
Okay, counterpoint.
Chuck said that
560
00:31:31.957 --> 00:31:33.390
he would fire us
if we threw a party.
561
00:31:33.992 --> 00:31:36.326
Also, Chuck took my keys.
562
00:31:36.328 --> 00:31:39.263
Also, one of his balls
popped out of his Speedo,
563
00:31:39.265 --> 00:31:41.465
and he tried to
tuck it back in
like nothing happened.
564
00:31:41.467 --> 00:31:43.433
- Bullshit.
- Not bullshit.
565
00:31:43.435 --> 00:31:45.569
I saw the freaking thing.
It looked like a peach pit.
566
00:31:45.571 --> 00:31:47.471
I'm not doubting
that, Skootch.
567
00:31:47.473 --> 00:31:50.641
Bullshit about getting fired.
We are having a party.
568
00:31:50.643 --> 00:31:52.376
Oh, got it.
569
00:31:52.378 --> 00:31:54.111
I'm in.
Yeah, I'm totally in.
570
00:31:54.113 --> 00:31:56.346
Okay, well, yeah,
I'm obviously in, too. So...
571
00:31:57.115 --> 00:31:58.081
Mary Ellen?
572
00:31:59.251 --> 00:32:03.253
Could one of the lifeguards
report to the pool deck,
573
00:32:03.255 --> 00:32:05.489
where you're paid
to be lifeguards?
574
00:32:05.491 --> 00:32:09.126
TTYO, guys. Thanks a lot.
Hope the summer's
kicking butt.
575
00:32:10.395 --> 00:32:11.929
Well, you heard the man.
576
00:32:14.565 --> 00:32:16.233
Let's get to work.
Yeah.
577
00:32:18.102 --> 00:32:19.102
Whoo!
578
00:32:20.272 --> 00:32:21.204
Oh, God!
579
00:32:23.541 --> 00:32:25.375
All right.
Now, the first thing
that we need is alcohol.
580
00:32:25.944 --> 00:32:28.045
Lots of it.
581
00:32:28.047 --> 00:32:31.048
I would buy it,
but I make, like,
$300 a year.
582
00:32:31.050 --> 00:32:33.550
And I spend,
like, $400 on weed, so...
583
00:32:33.552 --> 00:32:34.685
I got this.
All right?
584
00:32:34.687 --> 00:32:36.386
Everybody just
owe me 50 bucks.
585
00:32:36.388 --> 00:32:38.221
I'll pick up
everything we need.
586
00:32:38.223 --> 00:32:40.057
No, I'm not
giving you 50 bucks.
587
00:32:40.059 --> 00:32:41.558
Where are you
getting alcohol?
588
00:32:41.560 --> 00:32:44.628
Relax. I can get us a deal.
I know a guy.
589
00:32:44.630 --> 00:32:47.631
You know a guy? Who are you,
fucking Pablo Escobar?
590
00:32:47.633 --> 00:32:49.333
No run...
Or do.
I don't care.
591
00:32:49.335 --> 00:32:50.734
People are
gonna be hungry, too,
592
00:32:50.736 --> 00:32:52.302
so we should
definitely get snacks.
593
00:32:52.304 --> 00:32:55.372
Snacks, huh? Hey, Frank,
how's that diet going, huh?
594
00:32:55.374 --> 00:32:58.408
Diet's going great.
I ate kale out of your
mom's pussy last night.
595
00:32:58.410 --> 00:33:00.143
Guys, we're
a team. Right?
596
00:33:00.145 --> 00:33:02.245
Frank and I will handle
the snacks and mixers.
597
00:33:02.247 --> 00:33:03.747
Go.
Yeah, right,
whatever. Just make sure
598
00:33:03.749 --> 00:33:05.449
you get a little prosciut'
and some mozzarel'.
599
00:33:06.551 --> 00:33:08.452
Wait. A little what?
600
00:33:08.454 --> 00:33:12.589
I'm so sorry, did you mean
prosciutto and mozzarella?
601
00:33:12.591 --> 00:33:14.725
I say it the authentic
Italian way, okay?
602
00:33:14.727 --> 00:33:18.061
Oh, okay. So when you go
to a Mexican restaurant,
do you ask for
603
00:33:18.063 --> 00:33:20.597
"Give me a burrit' and
a little guacamol'."
604
00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:22.132
No, you don't do that.
You're an idiot.
605
00:33:22.134 --> 00:33:24.601
You have no respect
for my culture.
606
00:33:24.603 --> 00:33:27.104
More importantly,
how are we supposed to
get in without a key?
607
00:33:28.072 --> 00:33:29.539
I'll tell you how.
608
00:33:32.210 --> 00:33:35.479
What? We're not
sharing a secret. Go.
609
00:33:35.481 --> 00:33:39.182
Because Chuck wears a Speedo,
he always leaves his keys
in the office.
610
00:33:40.551 --> 00:33:41.518
But
611
00:33:43.321 --> 00:33:46.356
he doesn't get
out of the office
for more than 20 minutes.
612
00:33:46.358 --> 00:33:49.393
Which is how long it takes
to make a full sweep
of the premises.
613
00:33:49.761 --> 00:33:52.496
Except for one time.
614
00:33:52.498 --> 00:33:56.366
Every day,
at exactly 3:25 p.m...
615
00:33:57.668 --> 00:34:00.771
Toilet,
I apologize in advance.
616
00:34:00.773 --> 00:34:04.374
...when Chuck moves
his perfectly
regulated bowels.
617
00:34:06.644 --> 00:34:09.246
When Chuck goes
to the bathroom,
618
00:34:09.248 --> 00:34:11.148
Chuck stays in the bathroom.
619
00:34:12.517 --> 00:34:14.117
And we make a copy
of the key.
620
00:34:18.256 --> 00:34:19.689
Wow.
621
00:34:19.691 --> 00:34:21.324
That thing is awesome.
622
00:34:21.326 --> 00:34:22.526
Home Depot.
623
00:34:23.494 --> 00:34:25.562
Let's take this honey
for a test drive.
624
00:34:30.535 --> 00:34:32.202
What's that, hornets? Huh?
625
00:34:32.537 --> 00:34:33.804
What did you say?
626
00:34:33.806 --> 00:34:35.272
Oh...
627
00:34:35.274 --> 00:34:37.207
Yeah.
You know what that means?
628
00:34:37.809 --> 00:34:40.577
Wrong answer, bitch. Die! Die!
629
00:34:41.279 --> 00:34:42.212
Die!
630
00:34:43.147 --> 00:34:44.514
Die, all of you!
631
00:34:46.551 --> 00:34:48.418
I think the flame
should be bigger.
632
00:34:48.420 --> 00:34:50.387
Yeah, I was going to
say the same thing.
633
00:34:54.325 --> 00:34:56.593
Oh, and you should get
some condoms, too.
634
00:34:56.595 --> 00:34:58.128
You should get condoms.
635
00:34:58.130 --> 00:35:00.130
I already have condoms.
I always have condoms.
636
00:35:00.132 --> 00:35:02.399
Why? You've never had sex.
637
00:35:02.401 --> 00:35:04.668
Having 12% of your dick
inside Megan O'Reilly
638
00:35:04.670 --> 00:35:06.103
is suddenly not having sex?
639
00:35:06.370 --> 00:35:08.171
I've had sex.
640
00:35:08.173 --> 00:35:09.573
Just get condoms.
What, are you embarrassed?
641
00:35:10.441 --> 00:35:12.843
Okay, one box
of the blue condoms.
642
00:35:12.845 --> 00:35:14.578
One box?
That's all you're getting?
643
00:35:14.580 --> 00:35:16.146
Yeah, one box. Why?
644
00:35:16.148 --> 00:35:19.216
Stuff happens, man.
They rip, they break.
645
00:35:19.218 --> 00:35:20.817
Sometimes you lose your boner.
646
00:35:20.819 --> 00:35:24.521
and the friction makes it hot
and you have to tear 'em off.
647
00:35:25.289 --> 00:35:26.456
Just get three boxes.
648
00:35:26.458 --> 00:35:27.390
Okay, three boxes.
649
00:35:28.693 --> 00:35:30.160
You're only
getting the blue ones?
650
00:35:30.162 --> 00:35:31.695
Yes. Why? You get Magnums?
651
00:35:31.697 --> 00:35:34.197
No, but she thinks
I use them.
652
00:35:34.199 --> 00:35:36.199
What the fuck are
you talking about?
653
00:35:36.201 --> 00:35:38.802
Okay. I buy Magnums
and I buy regular ones.
654
00:35:38.804 --> 00:35:40.670
I open up the Magnum package,
655
00:35:40.672 --> 00:35:43.507
take out the condom,
put in a regular size condom
656
00:35:43.741 --> 00:35:45.375
and reseal it.
657
00:35:45.676 --> 00:35:46.676
Are you psychotic?
658
00:35:47.345 --> 00:35:50.313
No. I'm a genius, Danny.
659
00:35:50.315 --> 00:35:54.718
I have a very average dick.
I'm rolling six deep, maybe.
It's not big.
660
00:35:54.720 --> 00:35:56.653
But the second that girl
sees a golden ticket,
661
00:35:56.655 --> 00:35:59.456
she's gonna be like, "Whoa,
this guy has a baseball bat."
662
00:35:59.458 --> 00:36:01.191
And it doesn't
even matter,
663
00:36:01.193 --> 00:36:02.325
because everything feels
the same in the dark.
664
00:36:02.327 --> 00:36:03.760
So three boxes
of Magnums, please.
665
00:36:03.762 --> 00:36:05.395
No, I don't want those.
666
00:36:16.375 --> 00:36:17.707
Oh, please,
don't let me interrupt.
667
00:36:25.316 --> 00:36:27.317
You guys have fun tonight.
668
00:36:28.819 --> 00:36:30.787
Cool.
You're such an asshole.
669
00:36:30.789 --> 00:36:32.322
Can we also get this?
670
00:36:33.658 --> 00:36:36.259
That's the thing.
Leo Manicucci
isn't some, like,
671
00:36:36.261 --> 00:36:38.395
crazy, messed-up
mass murderer.
672
00:36:38.397 --> 00:36:40.797
It will be in and out,
execution style.
673
00:36:40.799 --> 00:36:43.400
Probably in
front of your family,
which is fucked up,
674
00:36:43.402 --> 00:36:45.602
but, you know, he has
to do it, he has
to send a message.
675
00:36:45.604 --> 00:36:48.271
Don't sleep with his daughter,
or talk to her,
676
00:36:48.273 --> 00:36:50.574
or ever, you know,
have anything to do with her.
677
00:36:50.576 --> 00:36:52.676
And to be honest,
not a lot of people
678
00:36:52.678 --> 00:36:55.946
get to meet the person
who eventually kills them.
679
00:36:55.948 --> 00:36:59.449
That's a unique
experience, Danny.
You should take that to heart.
680
00:36:59.451 --> 00:37:01.251
You look like an idiot
right now.
681
00:37:01.253 --> 00:37:02.986
No, I don't.
I look like a genius,
682
00:37:02.988 --> 00:37:06.356
because we're going to
have watermelon vodka.
683
00:37:06.358 --> 00:37:08.658
And that's a thing that
only rich people have.
684
00:37:08.660 --> 00:37:10.594
You cut a hole in the top
of the watermelon,
685
00:37:10.596 --> 00:37:12.362
you put vodka in it,
and then you have...
686
00:37:12.364 --> 00:37:13.496
Shit.
687
00:37:15.433 --> 00:37:17.334
You dropped
your watermelon.
688
00:37:17.336 --> 00:37:18.602
Yep, we'll leave it.
We don't need it.
689
00:37:18.970 --> 00:37:20.570
For the homies.
690
00:37:30.781 --> 00:37:32.449
Well, hello, gorgeous.
691
00:37:32.850 --> 00:37:34.351
Oh, shit.
692
00:37:34.353 --> 00:37:35.719
"Oh, shit" is right.
693
00:37:37.588 --> 00:37:39.789
A beautiful woman
on a beautiful day.
694
00:37:40.591 --> 00:37:42.492
Hey, look out up there.
695
00:37:42.494 --> 00:37:44.594
You almost hit me
with this angel,
you idiot.
696
00:37:45.463 --> 00:37:46.463
Mmm.
697
00:37:47.365 --> 00:37:49.366
I'll fucking kill you.
698
00:37:50.768 --> 00:37:52.602
Got any weekend plans?
699
00:37:52.604 --> 00:37:56.539
You know what?
I just don't date
700
00:37:57.608 --> 00:37:58.808
you.
701
00:37:58.810 --> 00:38:01.478
Well, if and when
you do change your mind,
702
00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:04.347
I know this
topless-optional
Ethiopian joint.
703
00:38:04.349 --> 00:38:06.750
Let me know.
704
00:38:06.752 --> 00:38:09.519
In the meantime,
I'll be at the snack bar,
as per ushe.
705
00:38:09.854 --> 00:38:11.521
Come on by, say hi.
706
00:38:12.657 --> 00:38:13.723
Very good.
707
00:38:14.525 --> 00:38:15.625
Go around.
708
00:38:15.627 --> 00:38:17.294
And keep going.
709
00:38:47.458 --> 00:38:48.458
Do it.
710
00:39:02.106 --> 00:39:03.740
Well, well, well.
711
00:39:04.542 --> 00:39:08.111
What is new in
the world of horses?
712
00:39:08.113 --> 00:39:11.815
Catch me up.
I did not know that
about horses. Okay.
713
00:39:12.783 --> 00:39:14.484
Hey! What the...
714
00:39:14.486 --> 00:39:16.353
What are you doing? No!
715
00:39:16.854 --> 00:39:18.355
Get back here.
716
00:39:18.856 --> 00:39:19.989
Damn it.
717
00:39:19.991 --> 00:39:21.624
Loser.
718
00:39:21.626 --> 00:39:24.094
Ooh.
Somebody help me.
I'm a naked man.
719
00:39:24.096 --> 00:39:26.496
I mean, "Somebody help me."
Only that part.
720
00:39:29.633 --> 00:39:30.934
Hey, cover me.
721
00:39:30.936 --> 00:39:31.935
I won't let you down.
722
00:39:38.843 --> 00:39:39.909
Ha-ha.
723
00:39:47.818 --> 00:39:48.918
We're clear.
724
00:39:56.460 --> 00:39:57.994
Yo, Campbell.
725
00:39:57.996 --> 00:40:00.463
We got a special delivery.
All right. I need your help.
726
00:40:00.465 --> 00:40:02.599
Frank, I need you to cover me
in the big pool. Is that cool?
727
00:40:02.601 --> 00:40:04.000
The big pool?
Yeah.
728
00:40:05.002 --> 00:40:05.869
Or I could just
have Danny do it.
729
00:40:05.871 --> 00:40:07.170
No, I'm good.
730
00:40:07.172 --> 00:40:09.572
Got the big pool,
up on top. Lockdown.
731
00:40:09.574 --> 00:40:11.508
Good. My man,
let's do it. Come on.
732
00:40:17.915 --> 00:40:19.616
What is this?
733
00:40:19.618 --> 00:40:22.018
It's my boy,
Greg DiStefano, man.
734
00:40:22.020 --> 00:40:23.019
Buying alcohol
from a cop?
735
00:40:23.021 --> 00:40:24.187
Hey, don't worry.
736
00:40:24.189 --> 00:40:25.755
All right,
all right, all right.
737
00:40:25.757 --> 00:40:27.857
You're under
arrest for being gay.
738
00:40:27.859 --> 00:40:29.626
No, I'm fucking with you.
That's legal now.
739
00:40:29.628 --> 00:40:30.894
Wassup, you bitch?
Wassup, man.
740
00:40:30.896 --> 00:40:33.096
How you doing, man?
Easy. Hey. Gun. Respect.
741
00:40:33.098 --> 00:40:34.497
Sorry.
Fucking with you again.
742
00:40:34.499 --> 00:40:36.199
Who's this guy?
743
00:40:36.201 --> 00:40:39.202
Uh, this is my buddy, Danny.
He's totally cool.
744
00:40:39.204 --> 00:40:40.670
He's my friend.
745
00:40:40.672 --> 00:40:42.172
I feel like
these guys are...
746
00:40:42.174 --> 00:40:43.573
Like the gay
versions of us?
747
00:40:45.910 --> 00:40:48.511
Fuck, man. So what's up?
We got a party?
748
00:40:48.513 --> 00:40:50.447
You want liquor, I know.
I got to ask.
749
00:40:50.449 --> 00:40:51.981
Everyone who's drinking,
they 21?
750
00:40:51.983 --> 00:40:53.550
Right?
751
00:40:53.552 --> 00:40:56.486
Wink. I'm fucking with you.
Always fucking with you.
752
00:40:56.488 --> 00:40:57.887
Never forget it.
All right, come on.
753
00:40:57.889 --> 00:41:00.824
I got something else for you,
if you're interested.
754
00:41:00.826 --> 00:41:01.925
All right.
755
00:41:01.927 --> 00:41:03.660
Got a couple of fireworks.
756
00:41:03.662 --> 00:41:06.496
Holy shit!
Welcome to China!
757
00:41:08.633 --> 00:41:10.800
Fireworks.
Get in there,
whatever you want.
758
00:41:10.802 --> 00:41:12.202
However, beforehand...
759
00:41:12.204 --> 00:41:13.770
Yeah?
...can we stop by?
760
00:41:13.772 --> 00:41:15.672
You mind if we
kind of roll up?
761
00:41:15.674 --> 00:41:17.073
Stop by where?
Yeah, it'll be
fun to come.
762
00:41:17.075 --> 00:41:18.241
To the party.
To the party.
763
00:41:18.243 --> 00:41:19.742
This is my boy Wankel,
by the way.
764
00:41:19.744 --> 00:41:21.878
What's going on?
Wankel, Officer.
Oh, hey.
765
00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:23.813
No, I don't
fucking hug.
I'm sorry.
766
00:41:23.815 --> 00:41:27.550
Uh, I don't know if you guys
want to come to this party.
767
00:41:27.552 --> 00:41:29.886
We'll come.
It's a party, right?
With girls and shit?
768
00:41:29.888 --> 00:41:32.522
There's girls, yeah.
We would be very
interested in coming.
769
00:41:32.524 --> 00:41:34.691
Um, then, yeah.
A firm yes.
770
00:41:34.693 --> 00:41:37.694
That's what I'm talking about.
See you Saturday. All right?
771
00:41:37.696 --> 00:41:40.063
Now unload the trunk.
Let's go. Hurry up.
772
00:41:40.065 --> 00:41:42.065
The city's paying
for this. Come on.
773
00:41:42.067 --> 00:41:43.800
All right,
let's get the booze first.
774
00:41:43.802 --> 00:41:45.702
These guys can't
even pick up the keg.
775
00:41:45.704 --> 00:41:47.637
What are they,
fucking firemen, bro?
776
00:41:47.639 --> 00:41:50.673
Hey, leave the syrah.
The syrah stays.
Don't fucking take the syrah.
777
00:41:50.675 --> 00:41:51.941
We didn't say you
could take the syrah.
778
00:41:51.943 --> 00:41:52.976
Fucking genius
over here.
779
00:41:52.978 --> 00:41:54.110
God forbid.
780
00:42:00.851 --> 00:42:03.019
You're okay.
It's just a bigger baby pool
781
00:42:03.021 --> 00:42:04.754
with bigger babies.
782
00:42:05.923 --> 00:42:07.056
Oh, shit.
783
00:42:08.259 --> 00:42:10.560
Just keep it together, Frank.
784
00:42:10.562 --> 00:42:12.829
With great power comes...
Hey, Frank.
785
00:42:12.831 --> 00:42:14.664
Hey.
You're on
big pool now, I see.
786
00:42:14.866 --> 00:42:19.869
You know, I've actually been
on the big pool for a while.
787
00:42:20.871 --> 00:42:22.171
You haven't seen me?
That's crazy.
788
00:42:22.173 --> 00:42:24.107
My nickname's "Big Pool".
789
00:42:24.109 --> 00:42:26.743
Yeah. Um, hey.
So, can I ask you
a question?
790
00:42:26.745 --> 00:42:30.813
Do you know where we could
get some pot for Saturday?
791
00:42:30.815 --> 00:42:33.616
Pot. I got pot.
I can get you pot. Yeah.
792
00:42:33.618 --> 00:42:35.585
So you have someone?
Yeah.
793
00:42:35.587 --> 00:42:37.854
I totally have someone
and you're gonna get your pot.
794
00:42:37.856 --> 00:42:39.589
Awesome. Thank you
so much, Frank.
795
00:42:39.591 --> 00:42:40.924
Ah, you're so welcome.
796
00:42:43.294 --> 00:42:45.962
Thank you
for that sweet, sweet ass.
797
00:42:47.264 --> 00:42:48.698
Damn.
798
00:42:49.700 --> 00:42:51.968
Where the fuck am
I gonna find pot?
799
00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:04.714
Psst.
800
00:43:05.316 --> 00:43:06.716
Mr. Stewart?
801
00:43:08.118 --> 00:43:10.587
Psst.
I'm naked.
802
00:43:10.589 --> 00:43:12.221
Help me out, man.
I'm trapped.
803
00:43:12.223 --> 00:43:13.356
Come on, man,
I'm naked in here.
804
00:43:13.358 --> 00:43:15.625
Help me out.
Give me your pants.
805
00:43:15.627 --> 00:43:17.660
Come on, my man. My man.
806
00:43:17.662 --> 00:43:20.129
Come on.
I demand my dignity.
807
00:43:20.631 --> 00:43:22.265
I'm a human being.
808
00:43:22.267 --> 00:43:24.000
God... God damn it.
809
00:43:31.342 --> 00:43:34.010
Whoo-hoo! That was fun.
810
00:43:38.949 --> 00:43:40.750
Yeah, Skootch.
811
00:43:50.327 --> 00:43:51.628
Hello?
812
00:44:07.778 --> 00:44:09.379
The turd is
off the toilet.
813
00:44:09.381 --> 00:44:11.147
I repeat, the turd
is off the toilet.
814
00:44:12.783 --> 00:44:14.217
We'll need more time.
815
00:44:14.219 --> 00:44:15.151
Got it.
816
00:44:23.727 --> 00:44:26.029
No, no, no, no.
Wait. No, no. God.
817
00:44:26.031 --> 00:44:27.997
It's dissolving. No.
818
00:44:31.001 --> 00:44:32.101
God.
819
00:44:32.103 --> 00:44:34.070
Yes. Yes. Yes.
820
00:44:34.072 --> 00:44:36.005
Man, I love this car.
821
00:44:36.007 --> 00:44:39.142
I got it for the bench seats.
Perfect for blowjobs. Just...
822
00:44:45.349 --> 00:44:47.850
Are you done?
Blowjibby. Blowjibby.
823
00:44:47.852 --> 00:44:49.152
I'm sorry.
We got to go.
Yeah.
824
00:44:59.063 --> 00:45:00.897
Hello there, beautiful.
825
00:45:00.899 --> 00:45:02.765
Get the hell out of here.
826
00:45:02.767 --> 00:45:04.801
Come on.
I just want some
free chicken fingers.
827
00:45:04.803 --> 00:45:06.035
Why you got to be
so cheap, Dolores?
828
00:45:06.037 --> 00:45:07.170
Cheap? I'm cheap?
829
00:45:08.338 --> 00:45:10.239
I'll give you
something for free.
830
00:45:10.241 --> 00:45:14.477
Screw you and screw
all your jerkoff
lifeguard friends.
831
00:45:14.479 --> 00:45:17.980
I'd rather take all my food
and put it in the trash
and burn it,
832
00:45:17.982 --> 00:45:20.183
rather than give it
to you pricks. Okay?
833
00:45:20.185 --> 00:45:21.484
All right.
You know what, that's fine.
834
00:45:21.486 --> 00:45:23.753
That's fine.
Because you just lost
835
00:45:23.755 --> 00:45:26.322
this stud's business.
Congratulations.
836
00:45:26.324 --> 00:45:29.926
Business implies
you have money,
you delusional piece of shit.
837
00:45:30.794 --> 00:45:32.095
Fuck.
838
00:45:40.304 --> 00:45:41.270
Hmm.
839
00:45:42.206 --> 00:45:44.107
Damn.
840
00:45:47.244 --> 00:45:48.878
Bounce it.
841
00:45:49.847 --> 00:45:51.781
Bounce it. Bounce it.
842
00:45:56.320 --> 00:45:58.020
Bounce that butt.
843
00:46:01.492 --> 00:46:03.860
Oh, my God.
844
00:46:03.862 --> 00:46:06.329
Hey, hey, hey. He's drowning.
The kid is drowning.
845
00:46:08.232 --> 00:46:09.499
Oh. Okay. Oh, shit.
846
00:46:09.501 --> 00:46:10.900
He's out there.
847
00:46:10.902 --> 00:46:14.337
Okay. I'm coming.
Okay, okay, I got this.
848
00:46:14.339 --> 00:46:15.505
Go in!
Okay.
849
00:46:16.975 --> 00:46:19.308
Get in there!
Who cares about the whistle?
850
00:46:20.277 --> 00:46:21.244
Go. Go to him.
851
00:46:22.513 --> 00:46:24.280
Save in progress!
852
00:46:24.282 --> 00:46:25.481
Oh, he's gonna die.
853
00:46:25.483 --> 00:46:26.983
Frank.
854
00:46:26.985 --> 00:46:29.285
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
855
00:46:30.521 --> 00:46:32.522
- Come here, buddy.
- He's gonna die.
856
00:46:32.524 --> 00:46:34.957
That precious child,
get him.
857
00:46:36.059 --> 00:46:37.126
Oh, God.
858
00:46:37.128 --> 00:46:38.461
Save!
859
00:46:38.463 --> 00:46:40.296
Save in progress!
860
00:46:40.298 --> 00:46:41.931
Come here, baby.
861
00:46:41.933 --> 00:46:44.233
That's a save! It's a save!
862
00:46:45.369 --> 00:46:46.569
Save in progress!
863
00:46:46.571 --> 00:46:51.307
My sweet choking boy. Come on.
864
00:46:51.309 --> 00:46:55.978
Oh, God, you're gorgeous.
Get out of the water.
You're so beautiful.
865
00:46:57.882 --> 00:47:00.049
Your lungs work?
You're all right?
866
00:47:00.317 --> 00:47:02.318
Oh, my God.
867
00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:05.087
Oh, my God.
That's a kid boner.
868
00:47:05.089 --> 00:47:06.889
No, no, no.
It's not a kid boner.
869
00:47:06.891 --> 00:47:09.559
I know a kid boner
when I see a kid boner,
you freak.
870
00:47:09.561 --> 00:47:11.027
Creep.
871
00:47:11.029 --> 00:47:12.862
What is going on here?
872
00:47:12.864 --> 00:47:14.363
What the hell
is going on here?
873
00:47:14.365 --> 00:47:16.299
He's got a boner.
A what?
874
00:47:16.301 --> 00:47:19.335
I have a boner, that's true.
But it's about Rachel.
875
00:47:19.337 --> 00:47:21.270
Frank, that's disgusting.
876
00:47:21.572 --> 00:47:23.039
And you!
877
00:47:23.041 --> 00:47:25.308
I'm the manager.
Put some clothes on.
878
00:47:25.310 --> 00:47:27.577
What's wrong
with you, perv?
879
00:47:27.579 --> 00:47:31.047
Frank, I literally left you
alone in the big pool
for 10 minutes.
880
00:47:31.049 --> 00:47:32.882
How'd you fuck that up?
881
00:47:34.518 --> 00:47:37.153
Rachel saw the whole thing.
It's over.
882
00:47:38.021 --> 00:47:39.455
No, come on, man.
It's not over.
883
00:47:39.457 --> 00:47:41.057
Hey, you know what?
884
00:47:41.059 --> 00:47:43.960
There's always
someone else out there,
you know.
885
00:47:43.962 --> 00:47:45.328
Like, what about this guy?
886
00:47:45.596 --> 00:47:47.296
Fuck off.
887
00:47:47.298 --> 00:47:50.233
Relax, man.
You didn't blow it
with Rachel. Okay?
888
00:47:50.235 --> 00:47:53.135
You just have to do something
to impress her.
Just win her back.
889
00:47:53.137 --> 00:47:54.871
She asked me
to buy her weed.
890
00:47:55.340 --> 00:47:59.575
Just find an ice cream
truck. I mean,
all those guys sell weed.
891
00:47:59.577 --> 00:48:01.377
Literally,
they all sell weed.
Yeah, they all sell weed.
892
00:48:01.379 --> 00:48:03.279
You think they make
enough money to live
893
00:48:03.281 --> 00:48:06.082
off of Choco Tacos
and Ninja Turtle pops?
894
00:48:06.084 --> 00:48:08.317
All right, guys.
Regardless of Frank
895
00:48:08.319 --> 00:48:11.420
ruining a kid's life,
I got the keys.
896
00:48:11.422 --> 00:48:13.356
Yeah, and Danny,
we got them booze.
897
00:48:13.358 --> 00:48:15.324
Yeah, and everyone I know,
898
00:48:15.326 --> 00:48:18.027
man, woman, child,
homeless man in ski goggles,
899
00:48:18.029 --> 00:48:19.395
they're all
coming to the party.
900
00:48:31.174 --> 00:48:32.975
Now, we can do this
the easy way
901
00:48:32.977 --> 00:48:35.544
or we can do this
the hard way.
902
00:48:35.546 --> 00:48:39.081
I saw a little hand
reach under my stall.
It was a child's hand.
903
00:48:39.983 --> 00:48:41.284
I don't think
it was his.
904
00:48:45.389 --> 00:48:48.391
Who do we got here?
Which one of you
is Brian Barr?
905
00:48:49.660 --> 00:48:51.327
Hi, Brian Barr.
906
00:48:51.329 --> 00:48:53.095
Huh? Oh!
907
00:48:53.964 --> 00:48:56.532
Okay, let me
follow the little fingy
908
00:48:56.534 --> 00:48:58.167
straight to Wendell.
909
00:48:58.169 --> 00:48:59.936
What the hell,
you rat.
910
00:48:59.938 --> 00:49:02.271
Why, you son of
a Wendell's mother.
911
00:49:02.273 --> 00:49:03.472
Why'd you do it, huh?
912
00:49:03.474 --> 00:49:05.341
I'm not telling.
913
00:49:05.343 --> 00:49:07.143
He was just trying to
help the lifeguards.
914
00:49:07.145 --> 00:49:08.644
They're having
a party on Saturday.
915
00:49:08.646 --> 00:49:10.947
You guys are the worst.
916
00:49:10.949 --> 00:49:12.415
Party on Saturday, huh?
917
00:49:13.550 --> 00:49:15.017
Interesting.
918
00:49:18.655 --> 00:49:20.957
Operator,
get me the President.
919
00:49:22.626 --> 00:49:24.560
Of the Department of Health.
920
00:49:25.228 --> 00:49:27.163
For Staten Island.
921
00:49:28.466 --> 00:49:30.399
The Departamente
922
00:49:31.435 --> 00:49:33.235
de Health
923
00:49:35.005 --> 00:49:37.106
Isle de Staten.
924
00:50:25.122 --> 00:50:27.123
Can I help you?
Oh, my God.
925
00:50:27.357 --> 00:50:28.457
Get.
926
00:50:38.769 --> 00:50:40.503
Where is he?
927
00:50:40.505 --> 00:50:41.470
Where?
928
00:50:42.072 --> 00:50:43.606
Danny Campbell.
929
00:50:49.346 --> 00:50:50.646
Mrs. Manicucci.
930
00:50:50.648 --> 00:50:53.049
Please. Bianca.
931
00:50:53.683 --> 00:50:55.384
Ah.
932
00:50:55.386 --> 00:50:58.154
Look at you.
My God.
933
00:50:58.156 --> 00:51:01.190
You kids are growing up
so fast today.
934
00:51:02.759 --> 00:51:04.727
You have to
stay for dinner.
935
00:51:04.729 --> 00:51:05.828
Oh, I would,
but...
936
00:51:05.830 --> 00:51:07.196
You're staying.
937
00:51:23.280 --> 00:51:24.647
You're a smart man, Chuck.
938
00:51:42.699 --> 00:51:45.101
Chuck, one.
Lifeguards, lose.
939
00:51:50.273 --> 00:51:51.340
That was
940
00:51:52.776 --> 00:51:54.176
awkward.
941
00:51:57.447 --> 00:51:58.547
So,
942
00:52:00.150 --> 00:52:02.718
what was so important
that you came to my house?
943
00:52:03.520 --> 00:52:04.854
Oh, uh...
944
00:52:04.856 --> 00:52:07.590
Well, there was just this...
945
00:52:07.592 --> 00:52:09.191
There's this staff party
that we're having.
946
00:52:09.193 --> 00:52:10.726
It's gonna be this big,
huge party and
947
00:52:11.895 --> 00:52:15.364
I thought that,
since I'm leaving, maybe
948
00:52:15.366 --> 00:52:19.268
it would be fun
if you wanted to,
I don't know, go to the party.
949
00:52:20.303 --> 00:52:21.537
Uh...
950
00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:24.540
Danny, that's really sweet.
951
00:52:24.542 --> 00:52:27.176
And please don't
take this the wrong way,
952
00:52:27.178 --> 00:52:29.445
because it has
nothing to do with you.
It's just...
953
00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:34.250
I just still see you
as that kid that
I used to babysit.
954
00:52:36.153 --> 00:52:37.920
Oh! Yeah. No, I...
955
00:52:37.922 --> 00:52:40.756
Look, I know.
I totally get that.
I was just...
956
00:52:40.758 --> 00:52:43.559
It was just a random
thought. Honestly,
I was biking past anyways.
957
00:52:43.561 --> 00:52:45.294
Yeah.
958
00:52:45.296 --> 00:52:47.463
Oh, hey. I'm sorry
about my dad, by the way.
959
00:52:47.465 --> 00:52:50.332
He's just a little
intense sometimes.
960
00:52:51.234 --> 00:52:53.202
I'm sure he's harmless.
961
00:52:55.605 --> 00:52:56.705
Good night.
962
00:52:56.873 --> 00:52:58.207
Yeah.
963
00:53:00.810 --> 00:53:02.478
Have fun at the party.
964
00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:03.512
Yeah, I will.
965
00:53:09.186 --> 00:53:12.254
So I'm harmless to you?
Get out of here.
966
00:53:12.256 --> 00:53:13.789
I don't want you hanging out
with my daughter.
967
00:53:13.791 --> 00:53:14.957
I'm not, I promise.
968
00:53:14.959 --> 00:53:19.328
I was just
inviting her to a party.
But she doesn't want to go.
969
00:53:19.330 --> 00:53:21.931
A party?
What kind of a party?
A sex party?
970
00:53:21.933 --> 00:53:24.366
No. No, no, no,
I don't do sex parties.
971
00:53:24.368 --> 00:53:25.801
You lying piece of shit.
972
00:53:25.803 --> 00:53:29.338
I saw you in the deli today,
buying condoms. Six boxes.
973
00:53:29.340 --> 00:53:31.273
I'm not trying to
have sex with anyone.
All right?
974
00:53:31.275 --> 00:53:32.975
I've never even had sex.
I've had, like,
975
00:53:32.977 --> 00:53:35.578
three handjobs,
two to completion.
976
00:53:35.580 --> 00:53:38.581
I will never hang out
with your daughter again,
I swear on my life.
977
00:53:38.583 --> 00:53:41.483
If I ever catch you
with my daughter again,
978
00:53:41.485 --> 00:53:44.320
they're gonna
find little pieces
of Danny Campbell
979
00:53:44.322 --> 00:53:46.622
sprinkled up and down
the Verrazano Bridge.
980
00:53:46.624 --> 00:53:48.457
You got that?
981
00:53:48.459 --> 00:53:50.492
Now get the fuck
off my property.
982
00:53:50.494 --> 00:53:51.527
Now.
983
00:53:52.796 --> 00:53:54.263
Piece of shit.
984
00:53:59.703 --> 00:54:02.238
Hey, guys,
sorry I'm late.
985
00:54:02.839 --> 00:54:05.507
Frank called,
looking for you.
986
00:54:05.509 --> 00:54:08.944
Said you were stopping by
Krystal Manicucci's house.
987
00:54:08.946 --> 00:54:10.512
Mom,
who is this?
Hmm.
988
00:54:11.448 --> 00:54:12.781
This? This is just
a patient of mine
989
00:54:12.783 --> 00:54:14.984
who used to be able to walk.
990
00:54:14.986 --> 00:54:18.654
Until he got a motorcycle and
he wiped out on the freeway.
991
00:54:18.656 --> 00:54:20.723
What's up, guy?
How's it going?
992
00:54:21.725 --> 00:54:22.658
Griffith.
993
00:54:22.993 --> 00:54:24.793
Oh, yeah, but...
994
00:54:24.795 --> 00:54:27.696
Yeah. Yeah,
listen to your mom.
Motorcycles are...
995
00:54:27.698 --> 00:54:29.265
They're fucked up. Okay?
996
00:54:29.267 --> 00:54:32.268
I mean, you know, messed up.
997
00:54:32.270 --> 00:54:34.403
Right?
They're bad news, hombre.
998
00:54:34.405 --> 00:54:36.538
Huh? Okay?
It's like, talk to the chair
999
00:54:36.540 --> 00:54:37.873
'cause the legs
ain't listening.
1000
00:54:37.875 --> 00:54:39.508
Right?
1001
00:54:39.510 --> 00:54:41.844
Mom, I've never
ridden a motorcycle
in my life.
1002
00:54:41.846 --> 00:54:44.680
I don't think I've
actually seen one in person.
But you know what?
1003
00:54:44.682 --> 00:54:46.482
If I want to ride
a motorcycle, I will.
1004
00:54:46.484 --> 00:54:48.450
Okay. It's a perfectly
viable life skill.
1005
00:54:48.452 --> 00:54:51.020
No, it is not, Danny.
It is a death skill,
that's what it is.
1006
00:54:51.022 --> 00:54:52.421
A death skill.
1007
00:54:52.722 --> 00:54:54.023
A motorcycle?
1008
00:54:54.025 --> 00:54:57.593
Is she the one
that's turning you
on to these motorcycles?
1009
00:54:57.595 --> 00:54:59.361
That girl is
a bad influence.
1010
00:54:59.363 --> 00:55:00.729
You don't even
fucking know her.
1011
00:55:00.731 --> 00:55:02.598
Whoa! Language, guy.
1012
00:55:02.600 --> 00:55:05.534
You can't ground
me anymore, Mom.
I'm an adult.
1013
00:55:05.536 --> 00:55:07.369
And like any
normal adult,
1014
00:55:07.371 --> 00:55:09.371
I'm not going to Disney World.
You know why?
1015
00:55:09.373 --> 00:55:11.707
Because normal adults
go places
that are interesting.
1016
00:55:11.709 --> 00:55:13.575
Like England. Or France.
1017
00:55:15.612 --> 00:55:18.580
Well, for your information,
we're going to England.
1018
00:55:19.349 --> 00:55:20.716
And France.
1019
00:55:22.452 --> 00:55:24.620
It's called
EPCOT effing Center.
1020
00:55:27.524 --> 00:55:28.724
Jesus.
1021
00:55:31.328 --> 00:55:33.929
That's what happened
when they rode motorcycles.
1022
00:55:35.398 --> 00:55:36.999
You got any hot sauce?
1023
00:55:37.001 --> 00:55:38.667
No, we don't, Griffith.
1024
00:55:40.971 --> 00:55:43.439
All right. This ought
to kick it up a notch.
1025
00:55:43.441 --> 00:55:45.374
Where did you
get this?
1026
00:55:45.376 --> 00:55:47.876
My cousin works for Delta.
He gets free jet fuel.
1027
00:55:48.578 --> 00:55:51.080
Hey, Victor.
How you doing?
1028
00:55:51.082 --> 00:55:52.581
Unstoppable.
1029
00:55:52.583 --> 00:55:54.950
Word.
1030
00:55:54.952 --> 00:55:57.820
Hey. I wanted to let you know
we're having a staff
party this Saturday,
1031
00:55:57.822 --> 00:55:59.355
if you want to come by.
1032
00:55:59.357 --> 00:56:01.690
Oh, really?
You're inviting me?
1033
00:56:01.692 --> 00:56:03.759
Like, you consider me
part of the staff?
1034
00:56:03.761 --> 00:56:06.662
Yeah. Of course, man,
always.
1035
00:56:06.664 --> 00:56:08.464
You want me to make
anything for the party?
1036
00:56:08.466 --> 00:56:12.101
I'll do an ice sculpture.
You know, like an angel.
1037
00:56:12.103 --> 00:56:13.802
Nah, I think we're good, man.
But thank you.
1038
00:56:13.804 --> 00:56:15.471
Yeah, I wanna make you
an ice sculpture.
1039
00:56:16.840 --> 00:56:18.841
Oh, no, you don't have to,
man. I think we'll be okay.
1040
00:56:18.843 --> 00:56:20.676
We're gonna have, like,
booze and weed and stuff.
1041
00:56:20.678 --> 00:56:25.514
We don't need an ice
sculpture. It's summer.
It'll melt pretty fast.
1042
00:56:25.516 --> 00:56:27.783
Huh?
It's ice, so it'll melt.
So we don't...
1043
00:56:27.785 --> 00:56:28.951
So you want one?
No.
1044
00:56:29.586 --> 00:56:30.652
Yeah.
1045
00:56:32.622 --> 00:56:34.423
Hey, did you see
the giant new hornets' nest?
1046
00:56:35.058 --> 00:56:37.025
Where?
Yeah, over the shed.
1047
00:56:37.027 --> 00:56:38.660
- What?
- Holy shit.
1048
00:56:38.662 --> 00:56:40.129
Yeah. You might wanna
take care of that, man.
1049
00:56:40.131 --> 00:56:42.931
Come on, little man,
we got some work to do.
1050
00:56:42.933 --> 00:56:44.099
Move out of the way, yeah.
1051
00:56:44.101 --> 00:56:45.067
Watch it.
Very flammable.
1052
00:56:46.570 --> 00:56:48.504
Can I come to the party, too?
1053
00:56:48.506 --> 00:56:49.938
We'll see.
I only get a plus one.
1054
00:56:51.574 --> 00:56:52.741
Yo.
1055
00:56:52.743 --> 00:56:55.778
Will Hunting,
this is disgusting.
1056
00:56:55.780 --> 00:56:57.780
All right. Come on.
Quit your dog shopping.
1057
00:56:57.782 --> 00:56:59.415
Chuck's at lunch.
It's game time. All right?
1058
00:56:59.417 --> 00:57:01.617
I'm out today.
1059
00:57:01.619 --> 00:57:03.685
All right, man.
You're gonna
miss all the action.
1060
00:57:05.755 --> 00:57:09.825
I'm telling you,
Osama Bin Laden
had this dog. Right?
1061
00:57:09.827 --> 00:57:12.161
Best friend in
the entire fucking world.
1062
00:57:12.163 --> 00:57:14.596
And our military
was able to go in,
1063
00:57:14.598 --> 00:57:17.533
kidnap the dog,
bring it back to the US,
1064
00:57:17.535 --> 00:57:19.768
teach the motherfucker
how to speak English,
1065
00:57:19.770 --> 00:57:24.006
and that's how
they found out where
Osama Bin Laden was hiding.
1066
00:57:24.008 --> 00:57:25.140
What, you don't believe me?
1067
00:57:25.142 --> 00:57:27.676
Okay, I can do this.
1068
00:57:27.678 --> 00:57:30.712
This is easy.
Frank Gomes, drug buyer.
I can do this.
1069
00:57:31.714 --> 00:57:32.714
Hey.
1070
00:57:33.650 --> 00:57:35.451
Can you guys
get out of here?
1071
00:57:36.119 --> 00:57:39.154
Sorry. Could you please leave?
Thank you.
1072
00:57:39.156 --> 00:57:41.557
That looks good.
Enjoy your juice.
1073
00:57:41.958 --> 00:57:43.025
Hey, uh,
1074
00:57:43.660 --> 00:57:44.626
Konko.
1075
00:57:45.061 --> 00:57:46.495
That's a cool name, man.
1076
00:57:46.497 --> 00:57:48.464
Is that Eastern European?
1077
00:57:48.932 --> 00:57:50.032
So you sell,
1078
00:57:50.500 --> 00:57:53.101
mmm, drugs?
1079
00:57:53.103 --> 00:57:54.803
Oh, because I'm black,
I sell drugs.
1080
00:57:54.805 --> 00:57:56.872
No. I did not say that.
1081
00:57:56.874 --> 00:57:58.740
I heard a rumor
that all ice cream men,
1082
00:57:58.742 --> 00:58:00.676
regardless of race,
sold drugs.
1083
00:58:00.678 --> 00:58:03.912
Relax, dude.
I'm just messing
with you. All right?
1084
00:58:03.914 --> 00:58:05.247
Okay.
1085
00:58:05.249 --> 00:58:06.515
Yeah, I can
get you some.
1086
00:58:06.517 --> 00:58:07.916
What you want? Crack?
1087
00:58:07.918 --> 00:58:09.218
Crack? No. Not crack.
1088
00:58:09.220 --> 00:58:10.953
No, no, no, no.
I just want some weed.
1089
00:58:10.955 --> 00:58:12.254
You know, weed.
1090
00:58:12.256 --> 00:58:14.490
Bitch, do I look
like I sell crack?
No.
1091
00:58:14.492 --> 00:58:18.527
You have your own business.
You're not dumb.
You're a smart guy.
1092
00:58:18.529 --> 00:58:20.162
You want green,
right?
Yeah.
1093
00:58:20.164 --> 00:58:22.664
All right,
let's go, get in.
1094
00:58:22.666 --> 00:58:24.967
Your truck? I only got five
minutes on break, man. I...
1095
00:58:24.969 --> 00:58:26.902
We'll only be gone a minute.
1096
00:58:26.904 --> 00:58:29.171
Like an actual
60-second minute,
or like,
1097
00:58:29.173 --> 00:58:31.840
you know, "Wassup, homie,
haven't seen you
in a minute" minute?
1098
00:58:31.842 --> 00:58:33.775
Now get your simple ass
in the truck, man.
1099
00:58:33.777 --> 00:58:36.979
I'll get in the truck.
I'll get in the truck.
1100
00:58:36.981 --> 00:58:40.582
All right,
give me your parents' money.
Let's go, guys.
1101
00:58:40.584 --> 00:58:43.519
Whoa, Sofia, high roller.
Where did you get this?
1102
00:58:43.521 --> 00:58:49.124
Bets are closed, guys.
Two to one odds
on Mikey Calcags.
1103
00:58:49.126 --> 00:58:50.926
You're a punk, Mikey.
1104
00:58:50.928 --> 00:58:52.794
Nobody likes you.
1105
00:58:52.796 --> 00:58:54.563
You got this, baby.
You got this.
1106
00:58:54.565 --> 00:58:56.832
Hey, I'm looking
for Chuck Casino.
1107
00:58:56.834 --> 00:58:58.867
Oh, not now, man.
We got deck races going on.
1108
00:58:58.869 --> 00:59:00.135
Hey, you want in?
1109
00:59:00.137 --> 00:59:01.904
Hey, and by the way,
my kid is a lock.
1110
00:59:01.906 --> 00:59:03.639
I sprinkled some Adderall
on his chicken fingers.
1111
00:59:03.641 --> 00:59:08.544
All right, remember
the rules. You stay
within the glass bottles.
1112
00:59:08.546 --> 00:59:11.146
First one to dive
into the shallow end wins.
1113
00:59:11.148 --> 00:59:12.781
And remember, you guys,
1114
00:59:13.283 --> 00:59:15.217
no running.
1115
00:59:15.219 --> 00:59:18.287
Come on, come on,
come on, Mikey.
Go! Run!
1116
00:59:18.289 --> 00:59:19.655
Go, Mikey!
1117
00:59:19.657 --> 00:59:21.223
Come on, Mikey!
Go, Johnny, go!
1118
00:59:21.225 --> 00:59:23.125
Come on, Mikey!
Go!
1119
00:59:23.127 --> 00:59:24.893
- That was Calcags.
1120
00:59:28.765 --> 00:59:31.166
Boo-yah.
1121
00:59:31.168 --> 00:59:35.837
Oh, thank God, man.
Oh, my kid yesterday
wiped out like a mo'fucker.
1122
00:59:35.839 --> 00:59:37.673
There was so much
blood in the pool,
1123
00:59:37.675 --> 00:59:39.675
it looked like
the Kool-Aid Man
killed himself.
1124
00:59:39.677 --> 00:59:40.876
Like he caught
his wife cheating.
1125
00:59:40.878 --> 00:59:42.744
Like he came home
and he was like,
1126
00:59:42.746 --> 00:59:44.079
"Oh, no."
1127
00:59:46.082 --> 00:59:47.816
Just brains.
1128
00:59:47.818 --> 00:59:49.918
Just Kool-Aid
brains everywhere.
1129
00:59:49.920 --> 00:59:51.787
Who are you?
I'm the health inspector.
1130
00:59:53.590 --> 00:59:55.090
I was kidding
about everything.
1131
00:59:59.862 --> 01:00:02.331
A health inspector?
What are you doing here?
1132
01:00:02.333 --> 01:00:04.933
Is this some sort of
surprise inspection?
1133
01:00:04.935 --> 01:00:06.868
Are you
Chuck Casino?
Yeah.
1134
01:00:07.170 --> 01:00:08.937
You called me.
1135
01:00:08.939 --> 01:00:11.139
Oh, that's right, I did.
I did. I forgot.
1136
01:00:12.141 --> 01:00:13.041
Anonymously.
1137
01:00:17.680 --> 01:00:20.215
"Are dogs reliable spies?"
1138
01:00:21.384 --> 01:00:22.918
Hey, can I check out
the ice creams?
1139
01:00:22.920 --> 01:00:24.252
I told you not
to touch anything.
1140
01:00:24.254 --> 01:00:25.153
Can we turn
on the music?
No.
1141
01:00:25.955 --> 01:00:27.823
The pH level is a five.
1142
01:00:27.825 --> 01:00:29.891
Bro, five out of 10
ain't bad.
1143
01:00:29.893 --> 01:00:31.093
It's out of 14.
1144
01:00:31.095 --> 01:00:33.362
And yes, it is bad.
It's worse than urine.
1145
01:00:33.364 --> 01:00:35.230
I'm shutting you guys down
for the weekend.
1146
01:00:35.232 --> 01:00:37.766
What?
Yeah. What a shame.
1147
01:00:37.768 --> 01:00:39.768
I guess this happens
with pools sometimes.
1148
01:00:40.069 --> 01:00:41.637
Did you do this?
1149
01:00:43.106 --> 01:00:46.208
Why would I want to
ruin a party that
I wasn't invited to?
1150
01:00:46.210 --> 01:00:48.110
You son of a bitch.
Okay. Skootch,
Skootch, Skootch.
1151
01:00:48.645 --> 01:00:49.845
Whoo!
1152
01:00:51.114 --> 01:00:53.649
Look. Don't move,
and don't touch nothing.
1153
01:00:53.651 --> 01:00:55.250
Yeah, yeah,
you got it, Konko.
1154
01:00:56.753 --> 01:00:58.754
I got to get
the fuck out of here.
1155
01:00:58.756 --> 01:01:01.056
Shaolin's finest.
Wassup with you?
1156
01:01:01.858 --> 01:01:02.924
Fuck.
1157
01:01:04.794 --> 01:01:06.261
- May I help you?
- Hi!
1158
01:01:06.263 --> 01:01:07.829
Hey. Uh...
1159
01:01:08.398 --> 01:01:11.133
I was just...
I wanted some weed.
1160
01:01:11.135 --> 01:01:15.804
Uh, yeah, I could get
some weed. If that's cool
for you. Convenience.
1161
01:01:16.205 --> 01:01:17.673
All right, come on.
1162
01:01:18.941 --> 01:01:20.008
Oh, my God.
1163
01:01:23.880 --> 01:01:25.347
All right.
Ready to do the honors?
1164
01:01:25.349 --> 01:01:27.149
Hells to the yeah.
1165
01:01:27.151 --> 01:01:30.252
Okay, but remember.
A-B-C. "Always Be Safe."
1166
01:01:32.288 --> 01:01:34.156
Sir, you got to
believe me, man.
1167
01:01:34.158 --> 01:01:37.292
Chuck set this
whole thing up. I swear
on Chuck's shitty life.
1168
01:01:37.294 --> 01:01:41.730
Sorry, Skootch.
Looks like the P-A-R-T-Y is
1169
01:01:41.732 --> 01:01:44.032
O-V-E-R-Y.
1170
01:01:44.367 --> 01:01:46.435
"Party is overy?"
1171
01:01:46.437 --> 01:01:48.704
Wait a sec,
did you say Skootch?
Yeah.
1172
01:01:48.706 --> 01:01:50.238
Did you work at the YMCA,
like, 15 years ago?
1173
01:01:50.873 --> 01:01:51.940
Perhaps.
1174
01:01:52.241 --> 01:01:54.042
Mike Lynch.
1175
01:01:54.044 --> 01:01:55.711
Shut up.
You taught me
how to swim.
1176
01:01:55.713 --> 01:01:57.279
Mikey Lynch, man?
Yeah.
1177
01:01:57.281 --> 01:01:59.281
Dude, I haven't seen you
since you were,
like, this tall.
1178
01:01:59.283 --> 01:02:00.115
What's going on, man?
1179
01:02:01.451 --> 01:02:03.251
All right, here you go.
Shaolin Special.
1180
01:02:04.487 --> 01:02:06.788
That's cocaine.
Do it.
1181
01:02:06.790 --> 01:02:08.790
Ugh, I did so many lines
of coke,
1182
01:02:08.792 --> 01:02:09.925
it's like
I don't even know
what time it is.
1183
01:02:09.927 --> 01:02:14.463
Listen, if you gonna
buy from us, we need
to know you straight.
1184
01:02:14.465 --> 01:02:16.198
Uh...
1185
01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:20.235
Do it.
I love you so much, Rachel.
1186
01:02:20.237 --> 01:02:22.037
Dude, you hooked
up with Kim Douglas
1187
01:02:22.039 --> 01:02:24.239
inside that dumpster.
She was so hot.
1188
01:02:24.507 --> 01:02:26.007
No.
Yeah.
1189
01:02:26.009 --> 01:02:27.476
Married?
Check it out, bro.
1190
01:02:27.478 --> 01:02:28.944
No way...
1191
01:02:28.946 --> 01:02:30.879
You can say it.
Say it. She got big.
No.
1192
01:02:30.881 --> 01:02:32.080
She got big.
She got big.
1193
01:02:34.284 --> 01:02:36.752
Fuck! Fuck!
What the fuck is that?
1194
01:02:36.754 --> 01:02:38.420
It was a Pixy Stick.
1195
01:02:38.422 --> 01:02:40.789
Dude just snorted sugar.
1196
01:02:44.128 --> 01:02:45.827
Oh, God damn it!
1197
01:02:45.829 --> 01:02:48.130
You guys are jerks!
You guys are real jerks!
1198
01:02:48.132 --> 01:02:49.965
What? Who the fuck
is you talking to?
1199
01:02:49.967 --> 01:02:51.900
Okay. You know what?
What the fuck am I saying?
1200
01:02:51.902 --> 01:02:53.368
Who the fuck am I
to say that?
1201
01:02:53.370 --> 01:02:56.204
I am so sorry.
I am so, so sorry.
1202
01:02:56.206 --> 01:02:59.007
I'm so sorry.
I don't mean that.
I don't mean shit like that.
1203
01:02:59.009 --> 01:03:01.309
I gotta get out of here.
He's hilarious.
1204
01:03:01.311 --> 01:03:02.911
These violations
are pretty minor.
1205
01:03:02.913 --> 01:03:04.346
I think we can
work something out.
1206
01:03:04.348 --> 01:03:06.982
No, no, we're not
"working something out."
1207
01:03:06.984 --> 01:03:09.384
Rules are rules.
Yeah, but not really, right?
1208
01:03:09.386 --> 01:03:11.987
Who hasn't peed in a pool?
It's nothing that dramatic.
1209
01:03:11.989 --> 01:03:13.789
I pee in the pool
all the time.
1210
01:03:15.192 --> 01:03:16.792
Come to papa.
1211
01:03:40.383 --> 01:03:42.250
It's gonna blow! Go! Run!
1212
01:04:20.523 --> 01:04:22.224
Shit.
1213
01:04:26.495 --> 01:04:28.096
So, how's your mom?
1214
01:04:29.932 --> 01:04:31.399
I couldn't help it,
dawg, I had to do it.
1215
01:04:31.401 --> 01:04:33.301
What the fuck is going on?
1216
01:04:33.303 --> 01:04:36.171
I had to do it.
Look, look, look, I'm sorry.
Calm down, dawg.
1217
01:04:36.173 --> 01:04:39.107
Here, here, here.
Peace offering.
All right?
1218
01:04:39.109 --> 01:04:40.642
Thought I was
gonna kill him.
I know.
1219
01:04:40.644 --> 01:04:42.878
Is this weed?
Yeah.
1220
01:04:42.880 --> 01:04:44.479
Oh, tough.
Thanks, guys.
1221
01:04:44.481 --> 01:04:46.648
Hey, wait. What's this I hear
about a party tomorrow?
1222
01:04:46.650 --> 01:04:48.516
Oh, there's a party
at Great Kills.
1223
01:04:48.518 --> 01:04:53.655
Bring whoever you want.
Bring your friends.
Bring your moms.
1224
01:04:53.657 --> 01:04:56.458
Just bring
whoever you want.
My man Pixy Stick.
1225
01:04:57.293 --> 01:04:59.361
Is that me?
I'm Pixy Stick?
1226
01:04:59.363 --> 01:05:01.062
Cool. Pixy Stick.
1227
01:05:01.230 --> 01:05:02.364
Aah!
1228
01:05:02.366 --> 01:05:03.298
Whoo!
1229
01:05:08.404 --> 01:05:10.138
Out you go.
1230
01:05:10.140 --> 01:05:12.073
Don't touch me.
Out you go, little Skootcher.
1231
01:05:12.075 --> 01:05:13.942
Shut the fuck up.
1232
01:05:13.944 --> 01:05:16.211
All right.
Have a good
Labor Day, guys.
1233
01:05:16.213 --> 01:05:19.114
Looks like
Chuck's got the pool
all to himself.
1234
01:05:19.116 --> 01:05:21.950
Just think,
next time you're here,
you'll get arrested.
1235
01:05:33.195 --> 01:05:35.096
Oh, man.
1236
01:05:35.098 --> 01:05:38.533
I just ran, like,
30 blocks. Terrible.
1237
01:05:39.368 --> 01:05:40.669
What's going on?
1238
01:05:40.671 --> 01:05:42.103
Where the hell were you?
1239
01:05:42.105 --> 01:05:44.072
I was running an errand.
Who cares?
1240
01:05:44.407 --> 01:05:46.541
Chuck sabotaged us.
1241
01:05:46.543 --> 01:05:48.276
Chuck sabotaged us?
Danny's the one
1242
01:05:48.278 --> 01:05:50.445
who hid the booze
in Dolores's shed.
1243
01:05:50.447 --> 01:05:53.114
Which is pretty
fucking stupid for a kid
who's going to Harvard.
1244
01:05:53.116 --> 01:05:54.316
Are you being
serious right now?
1245
01:05:54.318 --> 01:05:58.286
The booze is not
what blew up the shed.
It was the fireworks.
1246
01:05:58.288 --> 01:05:59.688
Whoa. Hey! Whoa!
Don't blame this on me.
1247
01:05:59.690 --> 01:06:02.357
Kisses not disses. Okay?
1248
01:06:02.359 --> 01:06:03.525
What's going on?
There's no party?
1249
01:06:03.527 --> 01:06:05.293
No party.
1250
01:06:05.295 --> 01:06:08.163
Because we also
don't have jobs, man.
We're done.
1251
01:06:08.165 --> 01:06:09.564
I'm fucking out of here.
This is bullshit.
1252
01:06:09.566 --> 01:06:11.967
Hey. Anthony, stop.
1253
01:06:12.668 --> 01:06:14.102
Mary Ellen, stop.
1254
01:06:14.403 --> 01:06:15.337
Let's go.
1255
01:06:25.982 --> 01:06:28.116
Did they tow my fucking car?
1256
01:06:32.188 --> 01:06:34.556
You don't even
know what I had to
go through to get weed.
1257
01:06:34.558 --> 01:06:35.991
Which I got.
1258
01:06:36.759 --> 01:06:39.294
I had a gun
pointed at my head.
1259
01:06:39.296 --> 01:06:41.529
I had to ride
in the back of
an ice cream truck.
1260
01:06:42.498 --> 01:06:44.332
I had to do fake cocaine.
1261
01:06:45.468 --> 01:06:47.535
This entire thing sucks.
1262
01:06:47.537 --> 01:06:49.738
This whole plan
has been fucked
since the beginning.
1263
01:06:49.740 --> 01:06:52.073
Krystal's not coming and
1264
01:06:52.075 --> 01:06:54.075
Rachel doesn't
even talk to you.
1265
01:06:54.077 --> 01:06:55.310
Fuck you, Danny.
1266
01:06:56.212 --> 01:06:59.214
I don't care about Rachel.
Or Krystal.
1267
01:06:59.216 --> 01:07:01.583
I don't even care
about the party.
I just wanted to have
1268
01:07:01.585 --> 01:07:04.419
a last weekend with you,
where we're friends.
1269
01:07:04.421 --> 01:07:06.187
That's bullshit.
We've been friends
our entire lives.
1270
01:07:06.189 --> 01:07:07.222
We'll hang out
every single summer.
1271
01:07:07.224 --> 01:07:08.423
We're not gonna
be friends.
1272
01:07:09.126 --> 01:07:13.495
I canceled my entire trip
just to hang out with you
on our last weekend.
1273
01:07:13.497 --> 01:07:16.331
Boo-hoo.
You cancelled
your annual trip,
1274
01:07:16.333 --> 01:07:19.367
which you'll go on for
the rest of your life,
1275
01:07:19.369 --> 01:07:22.037
to hang out with
someone who's not
gonna be in your life anymore.
1276
01:07:23.105 --> 01:07:24.639
I hope you have
a great time at Harvard
1277
01:07:24.641 --> 01:07:26.307
and you make
something of yourself.
1278
01:07:26.309 --> 01:07:28.443
Because I'm gonna go
rot in my parents' basement.
1279
01:07:30.780 --> 01:07:32.147
Should've gone to
fucking Disney World.
1280
01:07:32.149 --> 01:07:33.314
Yeah, you should've.
1281
01:09:06.308 --> 01:09:07.408
Good work, little fella.
1282
01:09:11.380 --> 01:09:14.516
Never bet
against the Casino.
1283
01:09:24.193 --> 01:09:25.293
Good God.
1284
01:09:52.521 --> 01:09:53.555
Hey.
1285
01:09:53.557 --> 01:09:54.656
Jesus.
1286
01:09:55.324 --> 01:09:56.724
What are you doing here?
1287
01:09:56.726 --> 01:09:57.926
I never left.
1288
01:09:57.928 --> 01:10:00.328
And, in a way, I never will.
1289
01:10:00.330 --> 01:10:02.430
Well, until your
parents find me.
1290
01:10:05.668 --> 01:10:08.269
Look, bud,
I promised your mom
1291
01:10:08.271 --> 01:10:09.571
that I'd try to scare
the crap out of you
1292
01:10:09.573 --> 01:10:12.240
because she cuts me a deal
on my Valtrex.
1293
01:10:12.242 --> 01:10:14.943
But honestly,
if I had to do it
all over again,
1294
01:10:14.945 --> 01:10:17.445
I'd fucking ride, man.
1295
01:10:17.447 --> 01:10:20.782
I would ride
that fucking bike every
fucking day of my life. Okay?
1296
01:10:21.684 --> 01:10:23.484
Okay? You feel me?
1297
01:10:24.553 --> 01:10:25.720
Come in again. Yeah.
1298
01:10:26.722 --> 01:10:29.757
No regrets. No regrets.
1299
01:10:30.759 --> 01:10:33.962
Except the herpes.
That I would not
do all over again.
1300
01:10:33.964 --> 01:10:36.864
So put a hat on
your bat, okay?
1301
01:10:36.866 --> 01:10:39.234
Put a condom
on your penis. Right?
1302
01:10:43.640 --> 01:10:47.709
And I'm watching Aladdin
in the other room
if you're interested.
1303
01:10:49.912 --> 01:10:51.579
Starting it now.
1304
01:10:52.581 --> 01:10:55.583
I kind of need to
know pretty quick.
1305
01:10:55.585 --> 01:10:58.386
Because of
the seating arrangements.
Oh, I got a seat.
1306
01:11:15.804 --> 01:11:16.804
Hi.
1307
01:11:19.541 --> 01:11:20.875
Hey.
1308
01:11:20.877 --> 01:11:22.744
Your mom said
you'd be here.
1309
01:11:22.746 --> 01:11:25.613
Yeah. Didn't want to
give diabetes the day off.
1310
01:11:28.817 --> 01:11:32.387
Look, man,
I'm really sorry
about yesterday.
1311
01:11:33.355 --> 01:11:35.556
You're right.
I was being a dick.
1312
01:11:36.626 --> 01:11:40.662
It's true,
we're not gonna hang out
as much this next year, but
1313
01:11:41.764 --> 01:11:43.498
you're still my best friend.
1314
01:11:44.900 --> 01:11:46.968
And there's still
one last day of summer
we have together.
1315
01:11:51.373 --> 01:11:53.508
All right, this better
be good, Harvard.
1316
01:11:53.510 --> 01:11:55.043
Start talking.
1317
01:11:55.045 --> 01:11:56.511
Okay, guys.
Thanks for coming.
1318
01:11:58.380 --> 01:12:00.848
Okay.
We are still going
to have this party.
1319
01:12:01.651 --> 01:12:05.920
For all the lifeguards
that have ever worked
at Great Kills.
1320
01:12:05.922 --> 01:12:08.323
This is our club, and
we can't let Chuck take
it away from us.
1321
01:12:08.325 --> 01:12:09.924
Yeah, fuck Chuck.
1322
01:12:09.926 --> 01:12:11.693
Well, if we show up,
he's just gonna
call the police.
1323
01:12:12.795 --> 01:12:14.996
Then we give him
just what the doctor ordered.
1324
01:12:14.998 --> 01:12:18.499
Jesus. What did
the doctor order?
1325
01:12:18.501 --> 01:12:20.968
Oh, I just took,
like, every pill I could
find in my mom's office.
1326
01:12:20.970 --> 01:12:23.538
Plus the Vicodin
that they gave me
for my wisdom teeth.
1327
01:12:23.540 --> 01:12:26.841
Wait. So what,
are we going to walk up
and be like, "Take these,"
1328
01:12:26.843 --> 01:12:28.676
and he'll be like, "Okay"?
1329
01:12:28.678 --> 01:12:30.611
Well, you know how you can
bake weed into brownies?
1330
01:12:30.613 --> 01:12:32.113
Yes.
1331
01:12:32.115 --> 01:12:34.615
What if we just made,
like, pill brownies?
1332
01:12:34.883 --> 01:12:35.817
Hmm.
1333
01:12:37.886 --> 01:12:40.421
That actually might work.
1334
01:12:40.423 --> 01:12:42.557
How do we get the pill
brownies into Chuck?
1335
01:12:47.429 --> 01:12:49.731
Why are you guys
all looking at me?
1336
01:13:06.548 --> 01:13:09.417
Now, this is what we call,
in Staten Island, shopping.
1337
01:13:10.853 --> 01:13:12.954
There you go.
And that
1338
01:13:14.089 --> 01:13:16.424
is called a Staten Island key.
1339
01:13:18.862 --> 01:13:21.729
Steak, oh, you look delicious.
"Thanks, Chuck."
1340
01:13:22.464 --> 01:13:24.465
Let's make you beautiful.
1341
01:13:34.610 --> 01:13:36.711
Chuck.
1342
01:13:36.713 --> 01:13:41.616
Oh. We're actually
closed right now.
This is a private event.
1343
01:13:41.618 --> 01:13:45.620
Wow, that is some
Speedo you got.
1344
01:13:45.622 --> 01:13:47.054
This is actually an apron.
That's the...
1345
01:13:47.056 --> 01:13:48.556
Wow.
1346
01:13:58.802 --> 01:14:03.504
They should call you UPS,
because you are
carrying a package.
1347
01:14:04.840 --> 01:14:08.509
Thank you.
I come from a long line
of big penises.
1348
01:14:09.478 --> 01:14:12.480
My dad had a big dick,
and my grandpa before him,
1349
01:14:12.482 --> 01:14:14.682
and his father before him
1350
01:14:14.684 --> 01:14:17.018
supposedly a very
big dick as well.
1351
01:14:18.620 --> 01:14:20.054
Ugh, okay.
1352
01:14:20.056 --> 01:14:22.457
What does a girl
wear to a party?
1353
01:14:27.996 --> 01:14:29.831
Probably not this. Right?
1354
01:14:36.638 --> 01:14:37.839
Listen,
I brought you something.
1355
01:14:38.073 --> 01:14:39.240
Ta-da!
1356
01:14:39.242 --> 01:14:40.675
Ms. Greeley.
1357
01:14:40.677 --> 01:14:45.813
Yeah. It's because you've been
doing such a terrific job.
1358
01:14:45.815 --> 01:14:47.982
Just a little thank you.
Well, thank you. It's...
1359
01:14:47.984 --> 01:14:49.617
Try that.
All right.
1360
01:14:49.619 --> 01:14:52.854
Oh, yeah,
take the whole thing.
Oh, baby.
1361
01:14:52.856 --> 01:14:54.522
It's a bunch of powder.
1362
01:14:56.558 --> 01:14:57.892
Don't stop there.
1363
01:14:57.894 --> 01:14:59.927
Huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.
1364
01:14:59.929 --> 01:15:01.596
Hey, I got a good idea.
1365
01:15:01.598 --> 01:15:03.764
Hmm.
Why don't we go inside?
1366
01:15:03.766 --> 01:15:05.900
Oh, yeah.
We're just getting
a little too much sun. Right?
1367
01:15:05.902 --> 01:15:07.201
Okay, you're the guy.
1368
01:15:07.203 --> 01:15:09.704
I'm so sick and horny.
1369
01:15:20.249 --> 01:15:22.049
I feel good.
Whoo!
1370
01:15:22.051 --> 01:15:25.720
And also,
like, really, really bad.
Oh!
1371
01:15:25.722 --> 01:15:27.054
Coming through.
1372
01:15:28.724 --> 01:15:31.759
Congratulations, Wendell.
You are officially a thief.
1373
01:15:32.261 --> 01:15:34.095
Do not tell a soul.
1374
01:15:39.535 --> 01:15:41.736
Hey, Rachel.
Didn't notice you there.
1375
01:15:41.738 --> 01:15:43.905
Oh, wait, I did.
You're on my dick.
1376
01:15:51.613 --> 01:15:53.247
I've got to go to the bathroom
real quick.
1377
01:15:53.249 --> 01:15:54.949
Oh, these are very good.
1378
01:15:59.254 --> 01:16:01.222
Come on, Chuck.
1379
01:16:21.777 --> 01:16:23.344
All right,
let's rock 'n' roll.
1380
01:16:36.658 --> 01:16:38.593
There's that road.
1381
01:16:56.211 --> 01:16:58.746
Come on, Chuck,
finish the job.
1382
01:16:59.047 --> 01:17:00.648
Kill 'em all.
1383
01:17:04.219 --> 01:17:06.687
I need everybody to
remain calm. Okay?
1384
01:17:06.689 --> 01:17:10.024
I am a future member
of the United States Navy.
Okay?
1385
01:17:10.026 --> 01:17:11.092
And I just...
1386
01:17:11.094 --> 01:17:12.159
Holy shit.
1387
01:17:13.195 --> 01:17:15.363
Who are you?
Shut up.
1388
01:17:15.365 --> 01:17:17.832
Nah, you look great.
It's kind of nice.
1389
01:17:17.834 --> 01:17:19.800
You have a lot
of cleavage out.
1390
01:17:19.802 --> 01:17:20.935
Skootch!
1391
01:17:32.748 --> 01:17:34.015
What's wrong?
1392
01:17:35.217 --> 01:17:36.851
Chuck probably
changed the lock.
1393
01:17:36.853 --> 01:17:39.687
Hey. Goofus and Gabby,
we got 200 people here.
1394
01:17:39.689 --> 01:17:40.855
Can we speed
this shit up please?
1395
01:17:42.357 --> 01:17:44.225
I finally got you all.
1396
01:17:45.727 --> 01:17:48.029
Like a fly to a spider.
1397
01:17:48.031 --> 01:17:50.765
One, two, three,
and we end this all.
Ow.
1398
01:17:50.767 --> 01:17:52.400
Oh, no, it's too much.
1399
01:17:52.402 --> 01:17:54.902
Frank, get your
finger off my testicles.
1400
01:17:54.904 --> 01:17:56.937
I can't hold him.
Mary Ellen, help.
1401
01:17:58.874 --> 01:18:00.174
Finish it.
1402
01:18:09.017 --> 01:18:11.385
They don't
respect you, Chuck.
1403
01:18:11.387 --> 01:18:13.287
No, Chuck!
Kill them!
1404
01:18:13.289 --> 01:18:15.222
You're secretly my hero.
1405
01:18:18.060 --> 01:18:19.427
Chuck is so sexy.
1406
01:18:19.429 --> 01:18:20.828
Thanks.
1407
01:18:27.903 --> 01:18:30.004
You've done well, my son.
1408
01:18:30.006 --> 01:18:32.773
You've brought
the spider to the fly.
1409
01:18:32.775 --> 01:18:34.075
Thank you, Father.
1410
01:18:34.077 --> 01:18:37.845
Now choose a bride
and bear us a child.
1411
01:18:37.847 --> 01:18:40.715
No need. I shall
bear the child myself.
1412
01:18:46.054 --> 01:18:47.188
Yeah.
1413
01:18:52.094 --> 01:18:53.794
Oh, what's that, Chuck?
1414
01:18:53.796 --> 01:18:55.162
Chuck says, "Let's party."
1415
01:18:58.266 --> 01:19:00.468
Yeah, boy, get in there.
1416
01:19:00.470 --> 01:19:01.802
Get it up. Get it up.
1417
01:19:04.406 --> 01:19:07.108
What took you guys
so long?
1418
01:19:11.146 --> 01:19:12.813
Whoo-hoo!
1419
01:19:12.948 --> 01:19:14.115
Whoo!
1420
01:19:30.832 --> 01:19:32.967
Let them remember.
1421
01:19:32.969 --> 01:19:34.502
This is Zion,
1422
01:19:34.504 --> 01:19:36.303
and we are not afraid.
1423
01:19:44.246 --> 01:19:45.279
Whoo!
1424
01:19:55.524 --> 01:19:56.924
Hey, what's up?
1425
01:20:14.943 --> 01:20:16.911
What type of shit is that?
1426
01:20:27.189 --> 01:20:29.423
All right, all right,
let's see some IDs.
1427
01:20:29.425 --> 01:20:31.926
Yeah, let's see
some I-double-Ds.
1428
01:20:37.933 --> 01:20:40.568
Hey. Guys, if you're going to
have sex in the pool,
1429
01:20:40.570 --> 01:20:41.502
can you at least do it
over by the filter?
1430
01:20:41.504 --> 01:20:42.870
Sure.
1431
01:20:43.138 --> 01:20:44.305
Sinners.
1432
01:20:50.278 --> 01:20:51.378
Yeah!
1433
01:20:51.380 --> 01:20:52.446
What do I do?
1434
01:21:26.548 --> 01:21:27.548
Pulled it off.
1435
01:21:27.550 --> 01:21:29.149
Yay. Oh!
1436
01:21:29.618 --> 01:21:31.619
Dude,
we did it, man.
Hey.
1437
01:21:31.621 --> 01:21:33.020
Is Krystal coming?
1438
01:21:33.022 --> 01:21:36.957
It's cool, though.
She's out of
my league anyways.
1439
01:21:36.959 --> 01:21:39.260
You're the best, man.
She doesn't deserve you.
1440
01:21:39.262 --> 01:21:41.629
Honestly.
Thanks, man.
1441
01:21:41.631 --> 01:21:43.631
I think I'm gonna
go for it with Rachel.
1442
01:21:43.633 --> 01:21:45.399
Really?
Yeah.
1443
01:21:45.401 --> 01:21:47.001
You should.
1444
01:21:47.003 --> 01:21:48.569
Oh, Rebecca, you should
totally go talk to him.
1445
01:21:48.571 --> 01:21:50.371
Frank hates me.
1446
01:21:50.373 --> 01:21:52.373
Okay. But that's
obviously his weird way
of flirting with you.
1447
01:21:52.375 --> 01:21:53.507
He's a little weird.
1448
01:21:53.509 --> 01:21:54.642
He's funny, though.
1449
01:21:54.644 --> 01:21:56.677
So go talk to him.
1450
01:21:56.679 --> 01:21:59.046
And I am going to
go find Skootch.
Ew!
1451
01:21:59.481 --> 01:22:01.215
Gross. He's like 40.
1452
01:22:02.117 --> 01:22:03.550
All right. Well,
better leave you to it.
1453
01:22:03.552 --> 01:22:04.518
Yeah, fuck off.
1454
01:22:05.587 --> 01:22:07.288
Good luck.
Thanks.
1455
01:22:09.124 --> 01:22:10.057
Okay.
1456
01:22:11.059 --> 01:22:13.494
Fuck. Fuck me.
Okay, I got this.
1457
01:22:17.432 --> 01:22:18.565
Hi. Hello.
1458
01:22:18.567 --> 01:22:19.566
Hi. Hey.
1459
01:22:19.568 --> 01:22:20.634
Hi.
1460
01:22:20.636 --> 01:22:22.069
Hey...
1461
01:22:23.004 --> 01:22:25.372
Do you want to go
smoke this weed?
1462
01:22:25.374 --> 01:22:26.941
Um...
1463
01:22:27.542 --> 01:22:28.709
Sure.
1464
01:22:28.711 --> 01:22:30.077
Yeah?
Yeah.
1465
01:22:30.445 --> 01:22:31.412
Cool.
1466
01:22:32.314 --> 01:22:33.948
After you.
Okay.
1467
01:22:35.417 --> 01:22:37.451
Fuck. Fuck me.
1468
01:22:37.453 --> 01:22:39.586
Hey, you guys want to
hold a real police gun
for a second?
1469
01:22:39.588 --> 01:22:41.121
Don't worry,
the safety's on.
1470
01:22:41.123 --> 01:22:42.489
Wait.
1471
01:22:42.491 --> 01:22:43.424
Now it's on.
There you go.
1472
01:22:46.161 --> 01:22:47.294
Whoo-hoo!
1473
01:22:47.296 --> 01:22:49.263
Be careful.
Don't touch the shoulder.
1474
01:22:52.968 --> 01:22:54.435
I like your shed.
1475
01:22:55.603 --> 01:22:58.105
Thanks. Perks of
having the baby pool.
1476
01:23:20.061 --> 01:23:21.996
Wait, I thought
you didn't even like me.
1477
01:23:22.164 --> 01:23:27.601
Yeah, you've been, like,
really mean to me forever.
1478
01:23:27.603 --> 01:23:30.371
Are you kidding?
I just thought
I was flirting.
1479
01:23:31.473 --> 01:23:33.140
Really?
Yeah.
1480
01:23:34.175 --> 01:23:36.276
I thought I made that
really obvious.
1481
01:23:41.049 --> 01:23:45.152
It's crazy to think
that we're rocketing
through space, you know?
1482
01:23:46.421 --> 01:23:49.590
It's like we're
moving at a mile...
Million...
1483
01:23:53.528 --> 01:23:55.029
Mmm.
1484
01:23:56.232 --> 01:24:00.034
I was going to
get a drink, I think.
Do you want to...
1485
01:24:00.036 --> 01:24:01.135
Uh, yeah.
1486
01:24:01.803 --> 01:24:03.303
Yeah, let's do it.
1487
01:24:04.539 --> 01:24:05.606
Anthony.
1488
01:24:06.574 --> 01:24:09.209
Who deserves a thank you?
1489
01:24:09.211 --> 01:24:12.046
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you.
1490
01:24:13.581 --> 01:24:16.283
Little Mermaid,
would you get me
a refill, please?
1491
01:24:18.653 --> 01:24:21.088
Oh, she's so cute.
She's so cute.
1492
01:24:21.090 --> 01:24:22.489
She's very cute.
Yeah.
Yeah.
1493
01:24:23.391 --> 01:24:24.658
Oh, look at these.
1494
01:24:24.660 --> 01:24:27.394
Now that is a Navy chest.
1495
01:24:27.396 --> 01:24:29.530
Are you kidding me?
1496
01:24:29.532 --> 01:24:32.099
Check this out.
What do you think
about these, hmm?
1497
01:24:32.700 --> 01:24:34.635
Navy chest?
1498
01:24:35.670 --> 01:24:37.471
I'm a fucking idiot.
1499
01:24:37.473 --> 01:24:38.405
There you go.
1500
01:24:49.551 --> 01:24:50.551
Hi.
1501
01:24:51.686 --> 01:24:52.619
You came.
1502
01:24:54.289 --> 01:24:58.559
Yeah. I couldn't miss
the biggest pool party
of the summer.
1503
01:24:58.561 --> 01:25:01.195
I did have to use
a rival rickshaw company,
though.
1504
01:25:01.197 --> 01:25:03.530
I'm telling you,
those other guys,
they're not authentic.
1505
01:25:03.532 --> 01:25:05.332
That's what I hear.
1506
01:25:06.201 --> 01:25:07.668
You look really
beautiful tonight.
1507
01:25:08.436 --> 01:25:09.803
Oh!
1508
01:25:09.805 --> 01:25:12.573
We are having fun now.
You, you're so romantic.
1509
01:25:12.575 --> 01:25:13.841
I love it.
1510
01:25:13.843 --> 01:25:15.642
Whoa!
Let's get comfy here.
1511
01:25:15.644 --> 01:25:16.710
That's nice, right?
You okay?
1512
01:25:16.712 --> 01:25:18.278
Kinky.
1513
01:25:18.280 --> 01:25:20.681
I'm gonna be
right back, okay?
1514
01:25:20.683 --> 01:25:24.151
You better be.
Because I got
a sitter for tonight.
1515
01:25:24.153 --> 01:25:26.386
Right.
You're sitting on this.
1516
01:25:27.355 --> 01:25:28.856
Wow, okay...
1517
01:25:28.858 --> 01:25:30.858
Balls on the bull's-eye.
1518
01:25:30.860 --> 01:25:32.392
Hang tight.
Bye, Ms. Greeley.
1519
01:25:35.263 --> 01:25:37.231
Should I get a condom?
Yeah.
1520
01:25:37.233 --> 01:25:38.332
Yeah?
Yeah.
1521
01:25:38.334 --> 01:25:39.333
Okay.
1522
01:25:42.303 --> 01:25:43.670
Here it is,
totally sealed.
1523
01:25:45.273 --> 01:25:48.142
Wait, what is this?
Is this a Magnum?
1524
01:25:48.710 --> 01:25:50.277
Let me see.
1525
01:25:50.279 --> 01:25:51.545
Oh, yeah, I guess.
The ushe.
1526
01:25:51.813 --> 01:25:53.347
Oh, um...
1527
01:25:53.349 --> 01:25:54.581
I don't think
I can do this.
1528
01:25:54.583 --> 01:25:55.883
What? Really?
1529
01:25:55.885 --> 01:26:01.188
Because I don't
want to have sex
with a weird giant dick.
1530
01:26:01.190 --> 01:26:04.424
Whoa, I don't
have a giant dick.
I have a big dick.
1531
01:26:04.426 --> 01:26:06.827
I don't have a big dick.
I have a very average dick.
1532
01:26:06.829 --> 01:26:09.163
I just like
a little extra room.
1533
01:26:09.165 --> 01:26:10.664
It's like baggy pants.
1534
01:26:10.666 --> 01:26:13.901
Gross.
No, it's not.
Okay, look, look, look.
1535
01:26:13.903 --> 01:26:16.537
You're going to like
the way it looks,
I guarantee it.
1536
01:26:16.938 --> 01:26:19.173
Are you sure?
Yes.
1537
01:26:25.413 --> 01:26:26.480
Mary Ellen?
1538
01:26:28.249 --> 01:26:30.317
Did you have fun
with Ms. Greeley?
1539
01:26:40.228 --> 01:26:41.762
Took you long enough.
1540
01:27:05.987 --> 01:27:07.221
Are you going to
take your shirt off?
1541
01:27:07.223 --> 01:27:08.722
No, I'm okay.
1542
01:27:08.724 --> 01:27:10.624
I want you to.
Why?
1543
01:27:10.626 --> 01:27:13.627
Because I like your body.
I want to see it.
1544
01:27:14.295 --> 01:27:15.596
Really?
Yeah.
1545
01:27:17.899 --> 01:27:19.800
See?
That's much better.
Yeah?
1546
01:27:22.737 --> 01:27:24.571
Cannonball.
1547
01:27:29.577 --> 01:27:30.544
Oh, I can't stop.
1548
01:27:38.686 --> 01:27:39.553
Rachel.
What?
1549
01:27:41.556 --> 01:27:42.823
Rachel!
1550
01:27:43.558 --> 01:27:44.658
What?
1551
01:27:46.561 --> 01:27:47.527
What?
1552
01:27:48.029 --> 01:27:50.664
Did you just call me Rachel?
1553
01:27:50.666 --> 01:27:52.633
No.
Are you kidding me?
1554
01:27:54.002 --> 01:27:55.736
No. That was a joke.
1555
01:28:05.813 --> 01:28:07.047
Where's Danny Campbell?
1556
01:28:07.049 --> 01:28:08.515
I don't know Danny Campbell.
1557
01:28:09.284 --> 01:28:10.984
Rebecca. Wait.
1558
01:28:10.986 --> 01:28:12.753
It's perfect.
It was a joke.
1559
01:28:12.755 --> 01:28:14.288
Everyone loves Rachel.
1560
01:28:14.290 --> 01:28:16.023
No, they...
Well, okay.
1561
01:28:16.025 --> 01:28:17.591
Where's Danny Campbell?
1562
01:28:17.593 --> 01:28:19.493
Hey, you.
Where's Danny Campbell?
1563
01:28:19.495 --> 01:28:20.661
Oh, shit.
1564
01:28:21.729 --> 01:28:23.363
We have to go.
1565
01:28:23.365 --> 01:28:26.533
Rebecca! Rebecca! Rebecca!
1566
01:28:26.535 --> 01:28:28.568
Hey. Where's Danny Campbell?
1567
01:28:28.570 --> 01:28:30.404
I don't know.
Where are your
fucking manners, asshole?
1568
01:28:30.406 --> 01:28:34.374
Whoa, hold on. Wait a minute.
This is my dawg
Pixy Stix right here.
1569
01:28:34.876 --> 01:28:36.710
Hey, police. Freeze.
1570
01:28:36.712 --> 01:28:37.844
What the fuck is this?
1571
01:28:37.846 --> 01:28:39.413
Everybody just chill out.
1572
01:28:39.415 --> 01:28:40.781
Who the fuck is this dude?
1573
01:28:40.783 --> 01:28:42.449
Yo, that's Victor.
He's maintenance.
1574
01:28:42.918 --> 01:28:48.522
All I know is that
I've got a lady situation
that's exploding right now.
1575
01:28:48.524 --> 01:28:49.956
And your whole
"Where's Danny?" routine
1576
01:28:49.958 --> 01:28:51.591
is just not
working for me.
1577
01:28:51.593 --> 01:28:53.427
I have to go
fucking deal with her.
Get the fuck back.
1578
01:28:53.429 --> 01:28:54.528
Whoa, whoa.
I'm right here.
1579
01:28:54.530 --> 01:28:55.696
Okay, Danny's
right here.
1580
01:28:55.698 --> 01:28:59.933
You thought you were
sending it to her, but
you sent it to me instead.
1581
01:28:59.935 --> 01:29:01.101
Mr. Manicucci...
1582
01:29:01.103 --> 01:29:02.669
Leo, I...
1583
01:29:02.671 --> 01:29:06.073
I don't know
what you think my intentions
are for your daughter,
1584
01:29:06.075 --> 01:29:07.774
but I swear
I am a gentleman.
1585
01:29:07.776 --> 01:29:09.076
You're a gentleman?
1586
01:29:09.078 --> 01:29:12.079
You text her
a picture of your dick.
1587
01:29:12.081 --> 01:29:14.881
What? Why would I send you
a picture of a dick?
1588
01:29:14.883 --> 01:29:16.550
I would never...
Look at this.
1589
01:29:16.552 --> 01:29:19.786
Dad, stop.
He would never
send that to me.
1590
01:29:19.788 --> 01:29:22.656
Okay. We're gonna settle this
once and for all right now.
1591
01:29:22.658 --> 01:29:24.624
We'll find out
whose picture this is.
1592
01:29:39.674 --> 01:29:40.741
This way.
1593
01:29:41.943 --> 01:29:43.977
Rebecca! Rebecca!
1594
01:29:43.979 --> 01:29:45.779
Go back to partying.
1595
01:29:46.147 --> 01:29:47.948
That's correct.
1596
01:29:47.950 --> 01:29:50.650
Teenagers, please
resume your drinking.
1597
01:29:51.953 --> 01:29:53.120
And a party it is.
1598
01:29:53.122 --> 01:29:55.088
People are crazy, man.
1599
01:30:11.873 --> 01:30:12.906
Hey.
1600
01:30:14.108 --> 01:30:15.575
Hey, Leo.
1601
01:30:16.511 --> 01:30:18.845
How's your daughter?
1602
01:30:18.847 --> 01:30:20.947
Come on.
We're gonna go
for a little ride, Chuck.
1603
01:30:20.949 --> 01:30:22.682
Yeah, hop in.
1604
01:30:22.784 --> 01:30:23.884
Oh.
1605
01:30:25.086 --> 01:30:27.487
I call shotgun then,
all right, boys?
1606
01:30:27.489 --> 01:30:29.723
Look at you two.
You smell great.
1607
01:30:29.725 --> 01:30:30.724
Dad.
1608
01:30:31.559 --> 01:30:32.926
What are you doing?
1609
01:30:35.029 --> 01:30:36.696
Make sure you have her home
by midnight.
1610
01:30:40.935 --> 01:30:43.637
He's just kidding.
1611
01:30:43.639 --> 01:30:44.838
I don't have to
be home till 1:00.
1612
01:30:48.209 --> 01:30:49.843
Hey, guys,
you guys got to see my dick.
1613
01:30:52.180 --> 01:30:53.814
Hey. Do you want to maybe,
1614
01:30:54.715 --> 01:30:56.850
I don't know,
go somewhere else?
1615
01:30:57.752 --> 01:30:58.985
Yeah.
1616
01:30:58.987 --> 01:31:00.053
Rebecca.
1617
01:31:01.756 --> 01:31:02.722
Rebecca.
1618
01:31:03.891 --> 01:31:07.127
Rebecca, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1619
01:31:07.129 --> 01:31:08.962
Okay? I'm really sorry.
1620
01:31:09.630 --> 01:31:11.031
Ow!
1621
01:31:11.033 --> 01:31:12.732
Okay, I deserved that.
1622
01:31:12.734 --> 01:31:13.733
Okay.
1623
01:31:14.602 --> 01:31:15.836
I also deserved that.
1624
01:31:16.737 --> 01:31:19.139
Aah! Okay, no one
deserves that. Oh, man.
1625
01:31:19.141 --> 01:31:21.475
Being a twin sucks.
You know that?
1626
01:31:21.477 --> 01:31:23.176
Yes. I understand
what it's like
1627
01:31:23.178 --> 01:31:25.011
to be compared
to other people.
1628
01:31:25.013 --> 01:31:27.647
Being fat sucks, too.
1629
01:31:27.649 --> 01:31:29.616
So does staying home
from college,
1630
01:31:29.618 --> 01:31:31.084
especially when
your best friend's
going to Harvard.
1631
01:31:34.555 --> 01:31:36.089
You're not fat.
1632
01:31:36.091 --> 01:31:39.059
And you're really,
really beautiful.
You're gorgeous.
1633
01:31:40.628 --> 01:31:43.230
And I did think
you were Rachel at first.
1634
01:31:43.232 --> 01:31:44.531
But I'm really
happy you're not.
1635
01:31:45.099 --> 01:31:46.633
And honestly,
1636
01:31:47.835 --> 01:31:50.637
I feel really lucky that
I even got to kiss you.
1637
01:31:51.239 --> 01:31:52.639
Honestly?
1638
01:32:02.116 --> 01:32:03.783
A thousand percent.
1639
01:32:06.721 --> 01:32:09.289
I'm really hungry.
Could we go back
to the party?
1640
01:32:09.291 --> 01:32:11.758
Yeah, let's go.
1641
01:32:14.128 --> 01:32:15.095
Rachel...
1642
01:32:15.863 --> 01:32:17.163
I'm joking.
1643
01:32:17.165 --> 01:32:18.532
You better be joking.
1644
01:32:33.114 --> 01:32:35.815
Danny, this is beautiful.
1645
01:32:36.751 --> 01:32:38.184
My dad used to
take me here
1646
01:32:38.186 --> 01:32:39.953
when I was little
to look at the stars,
1647
01:32:39.955 --> 01:32:42.155
but you can't really see them
because of the city.
1648
01:32:42.157 --> 01:32:46.560
all the lights on the bridge
were little stars
strung together.
1649
01:32:47.595 --> 01:32:49.963
Wait, um, how old
were you again?
1650
01:32:55.870 --> 01:32:59.005
You're kind of funny,
for a kid who's
going to Harvard.
1651
01:33:01.042 --> 01:33:02.976
I'm a little jealous.
1652
01:33:02.978 --> 01:33:04.811
At least you're
getting out of here.
1653
01:33:04.813 --> 01:33:06.846
You're doing
something exciting
with your life.
1654
01:33:06.848 --> 01:33:10.584
And I would kill
to get off this island.
1655
01:33:10.586 --> 01:33:12.852
You can't leave.
You're the Queen
of Staten Island.
1656
01:33:13.988 --> 01:33:16.957
Do you know how
horrible that sounds?
1657
01:33:16.959 --> 01:33:19.793
I mean, would you
want to be the
King of New Jersey?
1658
01:33:19.795 --> 01:33:21.895
I would, but they keep
electing Bruce Springsteen.
1659
01:33:28.736 --> 01:33:31.738
I feel like you're
the kind of girl
1660
01:33:31.740 --> 01:33:33.139
who wants to marry me,
but not kiss me.
1661
01:33:37.845 --> 01:33:41.815
Well, I feel like
you're the kind of guy
that wants to kiss me,
1662
01:33:41.817 --> 01:33:43.950
but doesn't
want to marry me.
1663
01:33:46.387 --> 01:33:50.190
What if we pretended to be
different kinds of people
for one night?
1664
01:33:54.895 --> 01:33:55.929
Okay.
1665
01:34:10.845 --> 01:34:14.214
You know we're not
having sex, right?
1666
01:34:14.216 --> 01:34:17.050
Oh, I couldn't.
I'd be thinking about
your dad the whole time.
1667
01:34:18.219 --> 01:34:19.986
That's disgusting.
1668
01:35:03.464 --> 01:35:05.131
Aw, Frankie.
1669
01:35:05.133 --> 01:35:06.766
Skootch.
1670
01:35:07.735 --> 01:35:09.936
Hey, man,
I got something for you.
1671
01:35:12.039 --> 01:35:14.240
What? Seriously?
1672
01:35:14.242 --> 01:35:16.042
Yeah, you earned it, man.
1673
01:35:16.044 --> 01:35:19.112
I mean, even a boner rescue
is technically a save.
1674
01:35:20.449 --> 01:35:24.084
you could totally
work here again
next summer.
1675
01:35:25.319 --> 01:35:26.319
That's awesome, man.
1676
01:35:27.221 --> 01:35:28.955
Welcome to the big pool, kid.
1677
01:35:32.326 --> 01:35:33.893
What are you gonna do?
1678
01:35:35.463 --> 01:35:38.064
Probably just
gonna stroll home.
1679
01:35:38.066 --> 01:35:39.265
Finish this beer.
1680
01:35:40.267 --> 01:35:43.069
Beyond that,
I have no idea.
1681
01:35:47.508 --> 01:35:49.142
You're the best, Skootch.
1682
01:36:09.897 --> 01:36:11.197
Uh-oh.
1683
01:36:11.199 --> 01:36:13.433
Look at what we have here.
1684
01:36:13.435 --> 01:36:16.469
Oh, my God.
That looks like
a number-one party dude.
1685
01:36:16.471 --> 01:36:18.271
Shirt wide open.
1686
01:36:19.440 --> 01:36:21.207
It was a good night, huh?
1687
01:36:21.209 --> 01:36:22.308
Mmm-hmm.
1688
01:36:23.144 --> 01:36:24.310
Yes, it was.
1689
01:36:28.883 --> 01:36:30.917
Come. I'll walk
you home. All right?
1690
01:36:33.420 --> 01:36:34.788
Hey.
1691
01:36:35.422 --> 01:36:37.290
Make us proud,
you idiot.
1692
01:36:38.292 --> 01:36:39.526
Bye, Danny.
1693
01:36:39.528 --> 01:36:41.294
You know what?
Give it a while
1694
01:36:41.296 --> 01:36:43.997
before you tell
anyone at Harvard
you're from Staten Island.
1695
01:36:43.999 --> 01:36:45.799
- Okay?
- Yeah, don't do that.
1696
01:36:45.801 --> 01:36:47.801
Good luck with the exam.
1697
01:36:47.803 --> 01:36:49.969
Thank you, man.
I appreciate that.
1698
01:36:49.971 --> 01:36:52.338
You know, I'm trying to be
more eer-uh-dy-tee.
1699
01:36:53.507 --> 01:36:56.943
Oh, my God.
That was really close
to being a real word.
1700
01:36:57.912 --> 01:36:59.813
How about that?
1701
01:37:00.247 --> 01:37:01.815
Peace.
See ya.
1702
01:37:01.817 --> 01:37:03.049
Bye.
Later, guys.
1703
01:37:07.021 --> 01:37:08.421
I'll give you guys a minute.
1704
01:37:09.857 --> 01:37:11.324
I'll meet you out front.
Okay.
1705
01:37:16.330 --> 01:37:17.897
That's a thing.
1706
01:37:20.167 --> 01:37:21.234
Congrats.
1707
01:37:21.236 --> 01:37:22.368
Thank you.
1708
01:37:24.471 --> 01:37:26.973
So, did you
end up having sex?
1709
01:37:28.242 --> 01:37:29.943
No. You?
1710
01:37:29.945 --> 01:37:31.177
Yes.
1711
01:37:31.179 --> 01:37:33.213
What?
Yes, I know.
1712
01:37:33.215 --> 01:37:34.380
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
1713
01:37:35.616 --> 01:37:37.584
I realize that
that's something we were
1714
01:37:37.586 --> 01:37:40.019
supposed to do together
but separate.
1715
01:37:40.021 --> 01:37:41.387
You know, it's fine.
1716
01:37:41.922 --> 01:37:44.457
I'm happy for you.
1717
01:37:44.459 --> 01:37:46.893
If it makes you
feel any better,
that's Rebecca.
1718
01:37:48.162 --> 01:37:49.162
Wow.
1719
01:37:49.630 --> 01:37:51.497
Really?
Yep.
1720
01:37:51.499 --> 01:37:53.566
They're identical twins,
did you know that?
1721
01:37:53.568 --> 01:37:57.270
I always thought
Rebecca was
the cutest of the two.
1722
01:37:57.272 --> 01:37:58.338
Yeah. Me, too.
1723
01:38:07.248 --> 01:38:09.916
You know,
I'm going to
miss you, Frank.
1724
01:38:12.086 --> 01:38:13.152
I know.
1725
01:38:15.623 --> 01:38:18.224
I'll come up
every other weekend.
1726
01:38:18.226 --> 01:38:20.593
You'll introduce me
to your Harvard friends and
1727
01:38:20.595 --> 01:38:22.362
I'll reintroduce
you to my parents.
1728
01:38:25.199 --> 01:38:27.367
This isn't the end
of Frank and Danny.
1729
01:38:28.936 --> 01:38:30.370
We're still best friends.
1730
01:38:30.604 --> 01:38:32.071
We are.
1731
01:38:32.640 --> 01:38:34.040
Come here.
1732
01:39:20.587 --> 01:39:22.355
There he is.
Hey.
1733
01:39:25.426 --> 01:39:27.360
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm so late.
1734
01:39:30.431 --> 01:39:32.365
How was Disney?
1735
01:39:32.367 --> 01:39:33.466
It was great.
1736
01:39:33.468 --> 01:39:34.500
It was very fun.
1737
01:39:35.736 --> 01:39:38.204
I'm really sorry
I missed it.
1738
01:39:38.206 --> 01:39:41.007
No, I'm sorry.
I overreacted. I just...
1739
01:39:42.042 --> 01:39:44.277
All right.
Oh!
1740
01:39:44.279 --> 01:39:45.478
Oh, my baby.
1741
01:39:45.480 --> 01:39:46.579
I'm gonna miss you.
1742
01:39:46.581 --> 01:39:48.414
Me, too.
1743
01:39:48.416 --> 01:39:51.184
Are you sure
you still want us
to drive you up?
1744
01:39:51.186 --> 01:39:54.420
'Cause if you
want to go alone,
we understand that.
1745
01:39:54.422 --> 01:39:57.390
I'd really like you guys
to drive me up.
1746
01:39:57.392 --> 01:39:59.993
Good, because we were
going to regardless. Come on.
1747
01:40:02.196 --> 01:40:04.197
One sec.
I need to grab something.
1748
01:40:06.400 --> 01:40:07.467
Hurry.
1749
01:40:10.037 --> 01:40:12.205
I can't believe he said yes.
Now we have to drive him.
1750
01:40:28.222 --> 01:40:30.223
Got everything?
Yep.
1751
01:40:31.258 --> 01:40:32.625
All right.
1752
01:40:32.627 --> 01:40:34.160
And we're off.
1753
01:42:30.577 --> 01:42:32.245
Yo, check this out.
1754
01:43:11.752 --> 01:43:14.420
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wassup?
1755
01:43:14.422 --> 01:43:15.555
Wassup, baby?
1756
01:43:16.390 --> 01:43:19.325
What you got?
1757
01:43:19.327 --> 01:43:20.826
Wassup? What you got?
What you got?
1758
01:43:20.828 --> 01:43:22.461
Come on, Pixy!
1759
01:43:50.857 --> 01:43:52.959
Wait, wait, wait.
1760
01:44:03.237 --> 01:44:04.704
He's got a gun.
1761
01:44:06.740 --> 01:44:08.574
Oh, shit.
1762
01:44:08.576 --> 01:44:10.776
- Give me that.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
1763
01:44:10.778 --> 01:44:13.246
Never.
Sorry.
1764
01:44:14.014 --> 01:44:15.781
We still loved the rap,
though.
1765
01:44:17.985 --> 01:44:20.720
Pixy! Pixy! Pixy! Pixy!