WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:36.437 --> 00:00:37.770 I'll be right back. 2 00:00:46.279 --> 00:00:51.450 Adam Mitchell, 3 00:00:51.452 --> 00:00:55.320 I think of you fondly. 4 00:00:57.090 --> 00:00:58.624 No, that's stupid. Um... 5 00:01:03.163 --> 00:01:04.430 I love you. 6 00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:08.634 I've always loved you. 7 00:01:13.773 --> 00:01:17.476 "You look beautiful, Cassie." 8 00:01:17.478 --> 00:01:19.144 I don't know what's happening. 9 00:01:19.146 --> 00:01:22.214 This is the only thing 10 00:01:22.216 --> 00:01:24.349 that you should be wearing right now. 11 00:01:27.554 --> 00:01:29.488 Chester, have you seen Cassie? 12 00:01:29.490 --> 00:01:33.525 -Um... -Are you moist? 13 00:01:34.861 --> 00:01:36.662 It's supposed to help. 14 00:01:36.664 --> 00:01:41.433 I don't-- i think so. 15 00:01:41.435 --> 00:01:45.437 Good enough. Okay, just-- let's get-- 16 00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:47.239 I can't get it in. 17 00:01:47.241 --> 00:01:51.276 It's kind of, um, squishy. 18 00:01:51.278 --> 00:01:53.579 Are you sure you're ready? 19 00:01:53.581 --> 00:01:55.447 Yeah. 20 00:01:55.449 --> 00:01:57.349 I was born ready. 21 00:01:57.351 --> 00:01:59.852 Hey. Hey, Adam. 22 00:01:59.854 --> 00:02:01.854 Adam, it's okay. 23 00:02:01.856 --> 00:02:04.423 It's a lot of pressure. 24 00:02:04.425 --> 00:02:07.292 Hey. Hey, Adam, 25 00:02:07.294 --> 00:02:09.761 Adam, it's okay. 26 00:02:09.763 --> 00:02:13.398 It's just us. 27 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:14.733 I... 28 00:02:18.138 --> 00:02:20.906 -I-- -i need to pee. 29 00:02:20.908 --> 00:02:21.874 Maybe. 30 00:02:27.814 --> 00:02:30.749 We could always try again later. 31 00:02:32.819 --> 00:02:34.653 Adam? 32 00:02:34.655 --> 00:02:36.421 Are you freaking kidding me? 33 00:02:38.625 --> 00:02:40.893 Get out of my parent's bed, you tramp! 34 00:02:44.364 --> 00:02:45.697 Uh, Adam? 35 00:02:45.699 --> 00:02:48.700 Adam, my clothes are in there. 36 00:02:48.702 --> 00:02:50.802 Adam. Adam, please. 37 00:02:50.804 --> 00:02:52.671 Get out of my house before I call the police. 38 00:02:52.673 --> 00:02:54.940 -For what? -For stuff. 39 00:02:54.942 --> 00:02:57.276 I don't know. Whore. 40 00:02:58.511 --> 00:03:01.813 --What a whore! 41 00:03:01.815 --> 00:03:03.448 Where are you going, slut? 42 00:03:04.817 --> 00:03:06.952 --What are you doing? 43 00:03:06.954 --> 00:03:10.455 Come on, the party just started. Stay awhile. 44 00:03:14.827 --> 00:03:16.328 -Um... -Oh, my god. 45 00:03:16.330 --> 00:03:17.930 What a little tramp. 46 00:03:19.966 --> 00:03:21.633 Bye! 47 00:03:28.675 --> 00:03:30.676 Hey. 48 00:03:30.678 --> 00:03:32.678 Cassie cranston, is that you? 49 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:34.947 -Shit! -Did you just say "shit"? 50 00:03:42.722 --> 00:03:44.990 Jesus, Seth. 51 00:03:44.992 --> 00:03:47.426 -That's my mom's. -I'll bring it back. 52 00:03:47.428 --> 00:03:49.361 Okay. 53 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:56.568 Lana Parker called me about you, 54 00:03:56.570 --> 00:04:00.672 said you streaked through her backyard. 55 00:04:00.674 --> 00:04:02.474 And she wasn't the only one. 56 00:04:02.476 --> 00:04:04.276 All of beaver's Ridge is abuzz about you. 57 00:04:04.278 --> 00:04:06.345 It was so horrible, mom. They all-- 58 00:04:06.347 --> 00:04:09.514 don't say another word. 59 00:04:09.516 --> 00:04:11.550 You embarrassed me tonight. 60 00:04:11.552 --> 00:04:13.852 You embarrassed yourself. 61 00:04:13.854 --> 00:04:15.454 Please, mom, I'm-- 62 00:04:15.456 --> 00:04:17.389 don't you care what others think of you? 63 00:04:20.393 --> 00:04:22.594 Don't you? 64 00:04:22.596 --> 00:04:24.029 Oh, stop sulking. 65 00:04:24.031 --> 00:04:26.598 Go in the house before anyone sees you. 66 00:04:26.600 --> 00:04:28.767 Unless you can think of another way you can mortify me tonight. 67 00:04:55.895 --> 00:04:57.296 Fuck, yeah. 68 00:05:19.452 --> 00:05:20.619 Hey, Ellie. 69 00:05:20.621 --> 00:05:22.454 Sorry I missed all your calls. 70 00:05:22.456 --> 00:05:24.456 I have your pages, i just, um-- 71 00:05:24.458 --> 00:05:27.626 Cassie, uh, it's your mom. 72 00:05:27.628 --> 00:05:30.996 -Oh, Christ, what now? -She passed. 73 00:05:30.998 --> 00:05:32.831 Well, good. I didn't want her writing the forward, anyway. 74 00:05:32.833 --> 00:05:35.033 -That was your idea. -No, um, 75 00:05:35.035 --> 00:05:36.368 she's gone. 76 00:05:38.104 --> 00:05:39.438 On tour? 77 00:05:41.107 --> 00:05:44.710 No. I'm sorry, Cassie. 78 00:05:44.712 --> 00:05:46.044 I know the two of you weren't very close, 79 00:05:46.046 --> 00:05:47.979 but, um, look, 80 00:05:47.981 --> 00:05:52.117 I, uh, still need that manuscript from you 81 00:05:52.119 --> 00:05:53.652 as soon as possible. 82 00:05:53.654 --> 00:05:55.821 But, um, 83 00:05:55.823 --> 00:05:58.023 you know, take a few days. 84 00:05:59.826 --> 00:06:01.727 Go home. 85 00:07:19.205 --> 00:07:21.506 Afternoon, Adam. How are you doing? 86 00:07:21.508 --> 00:07:23.675 -Good, good. -You're looking very good. Looking fit. 87 00:07:23.677 --> 00:07:25.877 I just want to talk to you about the apple butter festival this year. 88 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:27.579 -Yeah. -'Cause last year the judging got some complaints. 89 00:07:27.581 --> 00:07:28.847 -Yeah. -Are you in this year? 90 00:07:28.849 --> 00:07:30.649 -Absolutely. 'Cause you'd make a great judge. 91 00:07:30.651 --> 00:07:32.551 -You love apple butter, don't you? -I love apple butter. 92 00:07:34.887 --> 00:07:38.757 Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. 93 00:07:38.759 --> 00:07:40.025 If you're here for the tour, 94 00:07:40.027 --> 00:07:41.226 Justin's taking one out now. 95 00:07:41.228 --> 00:07:42.928 Yeah. Uh, Mr. thicodedious, 96 00:07:42.930 --> 00:07:44.696 have you got your Insulin this time? 97 00:07:44.698 --> 00:07:47.599 All right, now, for our first stop, everybody, 98 00:07:47.601 --> 00:07:50.101 it's gonna be the church that inspired 99 00:07:50.103 --> 00:07:53.638 the exciting conclusion to the fifth Victoria novel... 100 00:07:54.875 --> 00:07:56.174 I'm not here for the tour. 101 00:07:56.176 --> 00:07:59.811 I just wanted to check the place out. 102 00:07:59.813 --> 00:08:02.113 It's cool. 103 00:08:02.115 --> 00:08:05.584 Holy fuck. You're Cassie cranston. 104 00:08:05.586 --> 00:08:09.621 I'm-- I'm literally reading your column right now. 105 00:08:09.623 --> 00:08:13.792 -It's like my Bible. -Thank you. 106 00:08:13.794 --> 00:08:15.126 That's a good one. 107 00:08:15.128 --> 00:08:17.496 How's that working out for you? 108 00:08:17.498 --> 00:08:18.897 Oh, it's-- yeah. 109 00:08:18.899 --> 00:08:20.632 No, it's like-- not really. It's fine. 110 00:08:20.634 --> 00:08:22.501 -Oh. -I'm sorry, I just-- 111 00:08:22.503 --> 00:08:24.236 I never thought that I would get to meet you. 112 00:08:24.238 --> 00:08:26.538 I saw you the night 113 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:28.540 that you went through town 114 00:08:28.542 --> 00:08:30.876 with-- with your tits and stuff and it just-- 115 00:08:32.513 --> 00:08:34.980 it blew my mind, and, uh, and every time, 116 00:08:34.982 --> 00:08:37.249 I just get fed up with this place, i read your first article 117 00:08:37.251 --> 00:08:39.117 that you ever wrote-- the one that made people hate you, 118 00:08:39.119 --> 00:08:41.219 and, like, it's so comforting to me. 119 00:08:41.221 --> 00:08:44.189 "Dear beaver's Ridge, the following article has been formatted 120 00:08:44.191 --> 00:08:46.191 to fit your narrow and oppressed view of the universe." 121 00:08:46.193 --> 00:08:48.293 It is a great opening line. It's so epic. 122 00:08:48.295 --> 00:08:50.295 Thank you. 123 00:08:50.297 --> 00:08:52.197 What are you doing here? 124 00:08:52.199 --> 00:08:55.600 Well, my mom died, so... 125 00:08:55.602 --> 00:08:57.235 Fuck and shit. 126 00:08:57.237 --> 00:09:00.171 Hey, you wouldn't happen to know 127 00:09:00.173 --> 00:09:02.674 who the wills and estates lawyer is? 128 00:09:02.676 --> 00:09:05.277 I do. Um, yes. 129 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:10.015 -Thank you. -Yeah. 130 00:09:10.017 --> 00:09:11.650 Oh, god. 131 00:09:13.686 --> 00:09:15.687 Nice to meet you. Thank you so much. 132 00:09:15.689 --> 00:09:17.155 Bye. 133 00:09:20.293 --> 00:09:21.259 Fuck. 134 00:09:35.341 --> 00:09:36.775 Why can't we show it today? 135 00:09:36.777 --> 00:09:38.109 Well, the town's national treasure died. 136 00:09:38.111 --> 00:09:39.744 People are super sad and stuff. 137 00:09:39.746 --> 00:09:41.846 No one wants to buy a house when they're sad. 138 00:09:44.817 --> 00:09:47.185 It's listed too high. 139 00:09:47.187 --> 00:09:48.887 In the city, we'd list it 25 percent lower. 140 00:09:48.889 --> 00:09:50.221 It starts a bidding war. 141 00:09:50.223 --> 00:09:51.856 No. See? There's no bidding wars here. 142 00:09:51.858 --> 00:09:54.159 What you do is, you go 25 percent higher, 143 00:09:54.161 --> 00:09:56.194 and then people think they're getting a bargain 144 00:09:56.196 --> 00:09:58.096 when they Jew us down. 145 00:10:01.601 --> 00:10:02.801 I'm Jewish. 146 00:10:06.038 --> 00:10:08.340 -I'm sorry. -Don't apologize. 147 00:10:08.342 --> 00:10:11.076 Just don't say that in front of clients, 148 00:10:11.078 --> 00:10:12.978 unless small-town bigotry is something that... 149 00:10:12.980 --> 00:10:14.679 Binds the town together. 150 00:10:14.681 --> 00:10:17.015 Kind of. 151 00:10:17.017 --> 00:10:19.217 Although we do have a major that's a paki. 152 00:10:19.219 --> 00:10:21.252 So, or paki... He's a paki-- Pakistan. 153 00:10:21.254 --> 00:10:22.921 Pakistan-- Pakistani. 154 00:10:22.923 --> 00:10:25.390 Is that what you call those people? 155 00:10:25.392 --> 00:10:26.925 Look, the main selling point 156 00:10:26.927 --> 00:10:28.760 of all the homes in beaver's Ridge, 157 00:10:28.762 --> 00:10:31.930 is that you're coming to a community, you know? 158 00:10:31.932 --> 00:10:33.732 It's wholesome, 159 00:10:33.734 --> 00:10:35.400 those family values. 160 00:10:35.402 --> 00:10:37.769 You know, the kind of place maybe you could see yourself 161 00:10:37.771 --> 00:10:41.406 setting up your own little family. 162 00:10:41.408 --> 00:10:43.308 - Are you fucking shitting me? 163 00:10:43.310 --> 00:10:44.976 Oh, hey, Bruce. 164 00:10:46.912 --> 00:10:48.413 Hey, buddy. 165 00:10:48.415 --> 00:10:50.782 I told you I was bringing my new partner by today! 166 00:10:50.784 --> 00:10:52.784 Was that today? What time-- 167 00:10:52.786 --> 00:10:54.719 oh, I'm sorry that slipped my mind. 168 00:10:54.721 --> 00:10:58.056 So you're the home owners? 169 00:10:58.058 --> 00:11:01.159 -This is my wife. -Nah, uh, hah, ex-wife. 170 00:11:01.161 --> 00:11:03.261 Temporary separation, Alice. 171 00:11:03.263 --> 00:11:05.363 Until you get off your ass and sign the papers. 172 00:11:05.365 --> 00:11:07.866 -This is my house! -Oh, my goodness. 173 00:11:07.868 --> 00:11:10.235 It's not. It's my house. 174 00:11:10.237 --> 00:11:13.004 Why don't you get your shit out of it? 175 00:11:21.313 --> 00:11:23.848 I will rip the batteries out of that game thing 176 00:11:23.850 --> 00:11:25.116 so fast, your head is gonna spin. 177 00:11:25.118 --> 00:11:27.252 Stop treating me like a child, mom. 178 00:11:27.254 --> 00:11:28.953 Take this casserole over to Maureen's. 179 00:11:28.955 --> 00:11:31.189 -No one's even there. -If that little tramp 180 00:11:31.191 --> 00:11:34.726 daughter of hers turns up, she'll need food. 181 00:11:34.728 --> 00:11:38.163 - Did you make me one of these? - -This is the house 182 00:11:38.165 --> 00:11:40.732 where Maureen wrote every single one of the books. 183 00:11:40.734 --> 00:11:42.133 Okay, now it's also 184 00:11:42.135 --> 00:11:45.470 the inspiration for Victoria's childhood home. 185 00:11:45.472 --> 00:11:47.238 And this tree right here, folks, 186 00:11:47.240 --> 00:11:51.076 this is the tree where Victoria had her first kiss. 187 00:11:51.078 --> 00:11:55.146 Also, the tree where Mr. cobell proposed marriage. 188 00:11:57.883 --> 00:11:59.951 - Sorry about your mom. 189 00:11:59.953 --> 00:12:02.921 Go ahead and take some photos if you want. 190 00:12:02.923 --> 00:12:04.856 Thanks, Seth. 191 00:12:08.894 --> 00:12:11.463 Do you play father-daughter warfare? 192 00:12:11.465 --> 00:12:13.131 I have no idea what that is. 193 00:13:12.324 --> 00:13:15.260 Ovulation begins in t-minus five days. 194 00:13:15.262 --> 00:13:17.362 Now, I've given your secretary the itinerary, 195 00:13:17.364 --> 00:13:18.463 and she's freed your schedule 196 00:13:18.465 --> 00:13:19.898 for the corresponding times. 197 00:13:19.900 --> 00:13:21.299 Those are non-negotiable. 198 00:13:21.301 --> 00:13:22.967 3:00 P.M. means 3:00 P.M. 199 00:13:22.969 --> 00:13:24.102 Not quarter after. 200 00:13:24.104 --> 00:13:25.970 I'm sorry i was late today. 201 00:13:25.972 --> 00:13:27.472 Now, when you walk in that door, i want you to be fully aroused. 202 00:13:27.474 --> 00:13:29.374 Okay, sweetheart? 203 00:13:29.376 --> 00:13:31.576 Fully aroused, yeah. 204 00:13:31.578 --> 00:13:33.344 This is fun, huh? 205 00:13:33.346 --> 00:13:35.880 -Sweetie, this isn't for enjoyment. -Right. 206 00:13:35.882 --> 00:13:38.216 You know, the doctor said that we need to keep a steady flow of semen going 207 00:13:38.218 --> 00:13:40.385 to maximize our chances for when the time comes. 208 00:13:40.387 --> 00:13:43.087 We don't want to be the only 30-year-olds in town without a child, do we? 209 00:13:43.089 --> 00:13:45.023 Uh-uh. 210 00:13:45.025 --> 00:13:46.324 We just need to keep the semen schedule. Okay? 211 00:13:46.326 --> 00:13:48.293 - All right. 212 00:13:50.596 --> 00:13:52.130 Adam, we need to finish. 213 00:13:52.132 --> 00:13:53.832 That's my work ring though. 214 00:13:53.834 --> 00:13:55.033 --Oh! God, Connie! 215 00:13:55.035 --> 00:13:56.868 Oh, my god. 216 00:13:56.870 --> 00:13:59.170 Can I just answer it real quick, and I'll get back to you? 217 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:02.240 Okay. 218 00:14:06.178 --> 00:14:07.512 Adam Mitchell. 219 00:14:07.514 --> 00:14:09.347 Hi. 220 00:14:09.349 --> 00:14:13.218 Uh... It's Cassie cranston. 221 00:14:13.220 --> 00:14:14.619 Uh, uh, hi. 222 00:14:14.621 --> 00:14:17.288 So, you're a lawyer. 223 00:14:17.290 --> 00:14:20.525 Um-- uh, honey, it's um, it's-- it's super dry. 224 00:14:27.333 --> 00:14:29.167 Um, wills and estates, mostly, yeah. 225 00:14:29.169 --> 00:14:31.402 When did you get back into town? 226 00:14:31.404 --> 00:14:34.205 Just now. 227 00:14:34.207 --> 00:14:37.375 -The library's gone, huh? -Yeah, yeah. 228 00:14:37.377 --> 00:14:39.477 It burned to the ground about eight years ago. 229 00:14:39.479 --> 00:14:41.479 It was a huge fire. It was a terrible tragedy. 230 00:14:41.481 --> 00:14:44.916 Those poor schoolchildren with nothing to do with their free time. 231 00:14:46.652 --> 00:14:49.254 Uh, right. So, 232 00:14:49.256 --> 00:14:51.256 I need to plan the funeral. 233 00:14:51.258 --> 00:14:52.657 Oh, I did that already. 234 00:14:52.659 --> 00:14:54.525 I did it all by myself. Oh, god-- 235 00:15:07.106 --> 00:15:08.439 sorry, where were we? 236 00:15:08.441 --> 00:15:11.409 -Everything okay over there? -Yeah. 237 00:15:11.411 --> 00:15:14.979 I'm, uh-- I'm-- I'm glad you're in town. 238 00:15:14.981 --> 00:15:17.148 Why? 239 00:15:17.150 --> 00:15:18.650 Well, you know, you're next of kin, 240 00:15:18.652 --> 00:15:21.052 you got to sign the, uh, documents-- relevant documents, 241 00:15:21.054 --> 00:15:23.321 there's all sorts of stuff, and, uh, 242 00:15:23.323 --> 00:15:26.224 I mean, I just always kind of assumed you would never be coming home. 243 00:15:27.927 --> 00:15:29.560 Well, my mom died. 244 00:15:29.562 --> 00:15:31.129 I mean, why wouldn't I come home? 245 00:15:31.131 --> 00:15:34.299 -'Cause of the article? -Yeah, right, of course. 246 00:15:34.301 --> 00:15:37.302 So, when do we read the will? 247 00:15:37.304 --> 00:15:38.603 After the funeral. 248 00:15:38.605 --> 00:15:40.004 Right. 249 00:15:42.174 --> 00:15:45.043 Okay, well I've bothered you after business hours, 250 00:15:45.045 --> 00:15:47.512 so, I'll let you get back to your wife. 251 00:15:47.514 --> 00:15:50.481 -I assume you're married. -Oh, yeah, actually. 252 00:15:52.117 --> 00:15:54.552 Okay, uh, well, uh, thanks for everything. 253 00:15:54.554 --> 00:15:56.120 You actually know my wi-- 254 00:15:57.323 --> 00:15:59.390 --sweetie, we talk about 255 00:15:59.392 --> 00:16:03.261 you warning me before you release your demons. 256 00:16:03.263 --> 00:16:06.564 That face you make it's like staring into the sun. 257 00:16:07.733 --> 00:16:09.200 A lot of that is involuntary. 258 00:16:22.348 --> 00:16:23.748 You didn't call. 259 00:16:26.085 --> 00:16:27.318 What was I supposed to say? 260 00:16:31.057 --> 00:16:33.324 You will now have a passage 261 00:16:33.326 --> 00:16:37.095 from Maureen's first Victoria book read by Heather Mitchell, 262 00:16:37.097 --> 00:16:41.366 president of the Victoria of the true north festival committee. 263 00:16:44.571 --> 00:16:47.705 "Victoria had always been aware, 264 00:16:47.707 --> 00:16:50.141 ever since her first memories, 265 00:16:50.143 --> 00:16:54.178 that she was very near to a world of deviant morality. 266 00:16:56.315 --> 00:17:00.718 But sometimes, just for a moment, 267 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:04.088 her loved ones neared it, and she caught a glimpse, 268 00:17:04.090 --> 00:17:06.691 of the bewitching world beyond, 269 00:17:06.693 --> 00:17:09.527 and she knew that it would be her life's work... 270 00:17:11.064 --> 00:17:13.264 To keep herself and others from it." 271 00:17:16.069 --> 00:17:18.136 I hate everything. 272 00:17:22.207 --> 00:17:25.076 Remember when you left me here alone with all of these people? 273 00:17:25.078 --> 00:17:27.678 The sooner i get out of here, the better. 274 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:31.215 -She just had to show up today. -Oh, my god. 275 00:17:31.217 --> 00:17:33.651 -It's her mother's funeral. -Oh, button it. 276 00:17:33.653 --> 00:17:36.521 -I'm gonna go give her a piece of my mind. -Honey, don't-- 277 00:17:36.523 --> 00:17:39.490 is this really the best place for a confrontation like this? 278 00:17:40.659 --> 00:17:43.361 Cassie cranston. 279 00:17:43.363 --> 00:17:45.329 Heather Murray. 280 00:17:45.331 --> 00:17:47.632 Or, is it Mitchell now? 281 00:17:47.634 --> 00:17:50.334 On behalf of beaver's Ridge welcoming committee, 282 00:17:50.336 --> 00:17:51.836 I would like to formally let you know 283 00:17:51.838 --> 00:17:54.205 that you are not welcome. 284 00:17:54.207 --> 00:17:56.307 That is, you are not welcome here. 285 00:17:56.309 --> 00:17:57.809 Wow. 286 00:17:57.811 --> 00:18:00.445 As far as condolences go, that was original. 287 00:18:00.447 --> 00:18:01.779 Did I go something? 288 00:18:01.781 --> 00:18:04.449 You did something to this entire town. 289 00:18:04.451 --> 00:18:07.452 Right, the article. Is that it? 290 00:18:07.454 --> 00:18:10.088 You may have grown up here, but you know nothing about us. 291 00:18:10.090 --> 00:18:14.659 I mean, we get up to some pretty wild shenanigans. 292 00:18:14.661 --> 00:18:17.495 Like what? 293 00:18:17.497 --> 00:18:19.363 The true north festival? 294 00:18:19.365 --> 00:18:21.199 - The apple butter parade? 295 00:18:21.201 --> 00:18:22.533 Hey, I don't mean to butt in here, 296 00:18:22.535 --> 00:18:24.235 but I will not stand idly by, 297 00:18:24.237 --> 00:18:27.205 while you trash talk the apple butter parade. 298 00:18:27.207 --> 00:18:28.706 Bruce, everybody, can we just please give Cassie a break? 299 00:18:28.708 --> 00:18:31.542 Whose side are you on, really, Adam? 300 00:18:31.544 --> 00:18:34.645 Wipe that smile off your face. 301 00:18:34.647 --> 00:18:37.348 You think you're the only one who's had a little excitement? 302 00:18:37.350 --> 00:18:39.784 Well, let me tell you, i have had my share 303 00:18:39.786 --> 00:18:42.353 -of excitement. -Okay. Do tell. 304 00:18:43.889 --> 00:18:46.691 I slept with a black man in college. 305 00:18:46.693 --> 00:18:49.127 My stars. 306 00:18:49.129 --> 00:18:49.127 Ever been with a woman? 307 00:18:51.864 --> 00:18:53.831 I kissed a girl once, i didn't care for it. 308 00:18:53.833 --> 00:18:55.600 Sex tape? 309 00:18:55.602 --> 00:18:57.702 We make them, and watch them often. Big whoop. 310 00:18:57.704 --> 00:18:59.871 Anything else? 311 00:18:59.873 --> 00:19:01.806 Have you ever been in an orgy? 312 00:19:04.577 --> 00:19:05.676 I'm sorry. 313 00:19:12.351 --> 00:19:13.684 Hey, you know, hon', 314 00:19:13.686 --> 00:19:15.653 it's been kind of a rough day, 315 00:19:15.655 --> 00:19:17.288 we've got a little time before dinner, 316 00:19:17.290 --> 00:19:20.424 maybe we could, uh, you know... 317 00:19:20.426 --> 00:19:23.394 -I'm not ovulating. -Yeah, I know, I know. 318 00:19:23.396 --> 00:19:26.364 I just thought maybe we could, uh, have a little fun. 319 00:19:26.366 --> 00:19:29.167 Oh, sweetie-- 320 00:19:29.169 --> 00:19:31.469 no. Fun time was yesterday 321 00:19:31.471 --> 00:19:34.305 just-- just like the schedule says, remember? 322 00:19:34.307 --> 00:19:37.175 You just have to keep your-- your sperm fresh. 323 00:19:37.177 --> 00:19:38.543 You don't need me for that. 324 00:19:38.545 --> 00:19:41.712 Besides, it-- it really turns me on 325 00:19:41.714 --> 00:19:45.449 to think of you doing that to yourself. 326 00:19:45.451 --> 00:19:47.718 -Yeah? -Mm-hmm. 327 00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:49.587 Yeah, I could do that. 328 00:19:49.589 --> 00:19:51.756 -Hey, you wanna watch? -Mm-mm. 329 00:19:51.758 --> 00:19:53.791 No, that's okay, that's okay. Yeah. 330 00:20:07.406 --> 00:20:09.240 You look beautiful, Cassie. 331 00:20:10.976 --> 00:20:13.511 It's okay. 332 00:20:13.513 --> 00:20:15.313 It's just us. 333 00:20:16.815 --> 00:20:18.983 It's always been just us. 334 00:20:18.985 --> 00:20:22.486 -But I ran away. -You're not going anywhere now. 335 00:20:24.723 --> 00:20:27.525 Are you freaking kidding me? 336 00:20:52.684 --> 00:20:55.519 Ah! Ah! Ah! 337 00:21:01.026 --> 00:21:03.394 Well, the results say that Adam suffers 338 00:21:03.396 --> 00:21:05.263 "from necrzoospermia," 339 00:21:05.265 --> 00:21:08.299 which means that all of his sperm are non-viable. 340 00:21:08.301 --> 00:21:09.867 Which means dead. 341 00:21:09.869 --> 00:21:12.303 All of them? 342 00:21:12.305 --> 00:21:14.739 - There's really nothing we can do. -Well, I'm sorry, doctor, 343 00:21:14.741 --> 00:21:17.308 I just don't know what I'm supposed to do in this situation. 344 00:21:17.310 --> 00:21:20.311 After all this time, i know how frustrated you must be. 345 00:21:20.313 --> 00:21:22.313 Look, the waiting list for sperm banks 346 00:21:22.315 --> 00:21:25.583 and adoption agencies are at least two to three years. 347 00:21:25.585 --> 00:21:28.753 If you want my honest, completely off-the-record opinion, 348 00:21:28.755 --> 00:21:30.488 if it were me, 349 00:21:30.490 --> 00:21:32.657 I would try to get a friend, or someone I knew, 350 00:21:32.659 --> 00:21:34.959 to give me a personal donation. 351 00:21:39.598 --> 00:21:41.999 First you folks tell me what you paid for it. 352 00:21:42.001 --> 00:21:43.868 Then we'll have a good laugh about it 353 00:21:43.870 --> 00:21:45.369 and we'll start "jewing" them down. 354 00:21:47.674 --> 00:21:49.740 -The hell with it. -Line one for you, Bruce! 355 00:21:49.742 --> 00:21:51.042 Yes, thank you, Georgina. 356 00:21:55.447 --> 00:21:57.882 -The buck stops here, how can I help you? -Bruce? 357 00:21:57.884 --> 00:21:59.684 -It's Heather Mitchell. -You're the only Heather in town. 358 00:21:59.686 --> 00:22:01.052 You don't need to tell me your full name 359 00:22:01.054 --> 00:22:03.321 every single time you call. 360 00:22:03.323 --> 00:22:04.755 You know. 361 00:22:06.792 --> 00:22:08.993 Not a lot of funerals end with an orgy throw-down. 362 00:22:12.432 --> 00:22:15.066 -I'd go to an orgy. -No, you wouldn't. 363 00:22:15.068 --> 00:22:17.668 Yeah, I can grow a mustache for it, 364 00:22:17.670 --> 00:22:20.438 - or a soul patch -whatever. 365 00:22:20.440 --> 00:22:21.706 I'll have you know, I'm an extremely 366 00:22:21.708 --> 00:22:24.375 -sexual person. -Oh, my god. 367 00:22:24.377 --> 00:22:26.811 I had a sex dream about you once. 368 00:22:26.813 --> 00:22:29.580 I don't want to know that. 369 00:22:29.582 --> 00:22:30.948 Do you have any idea how many people 370 00:22:30.950 --> 00:22:33.484 I've had sex dreams about? 371 00:22:33.486 --> 00:22:36.120 It's hardly an exclusive club, okay? 372 00:22:39.725 --> 00:22:42.426 So... How was I? 373 00:22:44.731 --> 00:22:46.964 Oh, screw you! Whatever. 374 00:22:46.966 --> 00:22:48.933 If I sucked, it's probably because 375 00:22:48.935 --> 00:22:50.801 -you have a shitty imagination. -Okay, you know what? 376 00:22:50.803 --> 00:22:52.970 I knew you'd be weird about this. I knew you would be. 377 00:22:52.972 --> 00:22:55.139 You're my boss, dude, and you babysat me once. 378 00:22:55.141 --> 00:22:57.375 -So. -I think. 379 00:22:57.377 --> 00:22:59.043 It is actually illegal for you to be into me, or something. 380 00:22:59.045 --> 00:23:01.011 Okay, first of all, i did not say I was into you, 381 00:23:01.013 --> 00:23:03.381 and secondly, i didn't babysit you. 382 00:23:03.383 --> 00:23:06.050 We played videogames while our moms smoked cigarettes and played bridge. 383 00:23:06.052 --> 00:23:07.585 So, it doesn't... 384 00:23:07.587 --> 00:23:09.587 That's what guys do, though, isn't it? 385 00:23:09.589 --> 00:23:12.022 They befriend a girl just to gain her trust, 386 00:23:12.024 --> 00:23:13.958 so that they can have sex with them. 387 00:23:13.960 --> 00:23:15.659 I mean, why else are you friends with me? 388 00:23:15.661 --> 00:23:17.661 Must be your shining personality. 389 00:23:17.663 --> 00:23:20.431 Your sarcastic tone is unnecessary. 390 00:23:23.469 --> 00:23:25.469 Hey, Heather. What's going on? 391 00:23:28.006 --> 00:23:29.673 In the matter of the last will and testament, 392 00:23:29.675 --> 00:23:33.611 of Maureen Margaret cranston... 393 00:23:33.613 --> 00:23:36.113 She has declared that her residuals 394 00:23:36.115 --> 00:23:38.516 from any book sales, which as you know 395 00:23:38.518 --> 00:23:40.184 are still quite considerable, 396 00:23:40.186 --> 00:23:42.453 as well as any assets that she has, 397 00:23:42.455 --> 00:23:44.755 financial institutions, holdings, etcetera, 398 00:23:44.757 --> 00:23:49.460 be used to build a new town library. 399 00:23:51.897 --> 00:23:55.633 Uh, I'm sorry. What? 400 00:23:55.635 --> 00:23:57.635 She wants to build a library. 401 00:23:57.637 --> 00:23:58.969 Remember I told you that the library burned down? 402 00:23:58.971 --> 00:24:00.671 I could show you the blueprints, actually, 403 00:24:00.673 --> 00:24:01.939 if you give me a second, here, 404 00:24:01.941 --> 00:24:03.941 because they are something to behold. 405 00:24:03.943 --> 00:24:05.843 - They spared no expense. 406 00:24:05.845 --> 00:24:07.812 Is this a joke? 407 00:24:07.814 --> 00:24:10.815 No, we're still on dial-up. Yeah. 408 00:24:10.817 --> 00:24:13.083 Town council actually voted down high-speed Internet, 409 00:24:13.085 --> 00:24:16.020 something about ready access to pornography. 410 00:24:16.022 --> 00:24:19.089 No, no. I mean, about the money. 411 00:24:19.091 --> 00:24:20.658 There's-- there's nothing? 412 00:24:20.660 --> 00:24:22.026 No, there's not true. 413 00:24:22.028 --> 00:24:24.228 Uh, you, you can live in the house 414 00:24:24.230 --> 00:24:26.497 for as long as you should want to. 415 00:24:26.499 --> 00:24:27.698 Well, what would that be worth? 416 00:24:27.700 --> 00:24:30.935 It's not-- i mean, a lot, but... 417 00:24:30.937 --> 00:24:33.704 Again, if you should choose to sell the house, 418 00:24:33.706 --> 00:24:35.005 I'd go right back into the library. 419 00:24:35.007 --> 00:24:39.543 So, uh, she left me nothing, then? 420 00:24:42.013 --> 00:24:43.714 Um, well, 421 00:24:43.716 --> 00:24:47.952 Heather actually made you this casserole, so. 422 00:24:47.954 --> 00:24:49.954 There's three kinds of cheese, 423 00:24:49.956 --> 00:24:53.023 and there's broccolini in there, I think. 424 00:24:53.025 --> 00:24:56.560 Would you, um, mind giving me a minute, please? 425 00:24:56.562 --> 00:24:58.496 -Alone. -Yeah. Yeah. 426 00:25:02.534 --> 00:25:05.736 --Oh, my god. 427 00:25:05.738 --> 00:25:06.737 Of course. 428 00:25:10.041 --> 00:25:11.742 -Hello? -Hey. 429 00:25:11.744 --> 00:25:13.978 I was just calling to check in, see how you're doing. 430 00:25:13.980 --> 00:25:17.214 Well, you know, I'm pretty terrible, actually. 431 00:25:17.216 --> 00:25:20.618 Oh, uh, okay. 432 00:25:20.620 --> 00:25:22.953 I don't have your book. 433 00:25:22.955 --> 00:25:25.222 -Next week is fine. -No, I mean, 434 00:25:25.224 --> 00:25:28.526 i-- I don't have your book, i haven't written anything. 435 00:25:28.528 --> 00:25:30.561 I came back here hoping i could use my inheritance 436 00:25:30.563 --> 00:25:32.630 to pay back the advance, 437 00:25:32.632 --> 00:25:34.865 but my mother didn't leave me anything. 438 00:25:36.068 --> 00:25:37.601 Nothing. 439 00:25:39.571 --> 00:25:41.906 -We had plans. -I know. 440 00:25:41.908 --> 00:25:44.174 All this time, why didn't you say something? 441 00:25:44.176 --> 00:25:46.210 I don't know. 442 00:25:47.914 --> 00:25:49.980 -I fucked up. -Look. 443 00:25:49.982 --> 00:25:51.549 I'm gonna make this easy for you 444 00:25:51.551 --> 00:25:53.284 because you're going through a lot right now. 445 00:25:53.286 --> 00:25:56.987 It doesn't have to be the book that you originally pitched me, 446 00:25:56.989 --> 00:25:59.156 but it has to be something. 447 00:25:59.158 --> 00:26:02.560 It has to be sexy and honest and raw. 448 00:26:02.562 --> 00:26:03.994 Dig deep. 449 00:26:05.830 --> 00:26:08.832 You have 24 hours to send me a pitch or return the money. 450 00:26:08.834 --> 00:26:11.835 And if neither of those happen? 451 00:26:11.837 --> 00:26:14.004 -You know any good lawyers? -Nope, 452 00:26:14.006 --> 00:26:16.740 just a shitty small-town one. 453 00:26:16.742 --> 00:26:18.943 And here we are. 454 00:26:22.881 --> 00:26:26.216 Hey, you weren't counting on these royalties, were you? 455 00:26:26.218 --> 00:26:28.752 No, of course not. 456 00:26:28.754 --> 00:26:31.322 Yeah. Right. Big city writer, right? 457 00:26:33.959 --> 00:26:36.860 It's nice to see you-- i mean, 458 00:26:36.862 --> 00:26:39.930 with lots of terrible circumstances, but, uh, 459 00:26:39.932 --> 00:26:42.232 you never realize how much you miss somebody, 460 00:26:42.234 --> 00:26:44.368 until... 461 00:26:44.370 --> 00:26:46.370 -Until what? -I don't know where i was going with that. 462 00:26:46.372 --> 00:26:49.073 I just, uh... 463 00:26:49.075 --> 00:26:52.943 You know, I just didn't like how things ended with us, 464 00:26:52.945 --> 00:26:54.812 obviously. 465 00:26:54.814 --> 00:26:57.147 You mean like how you ran off, like a coward 466 00:26:57.149 --> 00:26:59.249 and you hid in the bathroom? 467 00:26:59.251 --> 00:27:02.886 Yes, that's-- that's, uh... That's-- yeah. 468 00:27:02.888 --> 00:27:05.756 You know, technically, 469 00:27:05.758 --> 00:27:08.092 we never really ended things. 470 00:27:08.094 --> 00:27:10.260 Yeah. 471 00:27:10.262 --> 00:27:12.663 And we never broke up. 472 00:27:12.665 --> 00:27:15.232 I came back for you, Adam. 473 00:27:17.235 --> 00:27:20.371 Okay, I can't tell if you're messing with me. 474 00:27:20.373 --> 00:27:22.206 -Can't you? -I-- 475 00:27:23.241 --> 00:27:25.075 hey. 476 00:27:26.277 --> 00:27:29.780 --What're you doing here? 477 00:27:29.782 --> 00:27:32.983 Well, I could ask you the same thing, sugar pie. 478 00:27:32.985 --> 00:27:35.219 Just, uh, the estate meeting today... 479 00:27:35.221 --> 00:27:36.987 -Of course. -...Is what we're doing, talking about it, yeah. 480 00:27:36.989 --> 00:27:39.323 What are you doing here? 481 00:27:39.325 --> 00:27:41.892 Well, I was hoping we could have a little chat. 482 00:27:41.894 --> 00:27:42.926 Just us girls. 483 00:27:47.132 --> 00:27:49.767 So... You and Adam. 484 00:27:49.769 --> 00:27:52.970 Oh, absolutely. 485 00:27:52.972 --> 00:27:54.705 It's funny. 486 00:27:54.707 --> 00:27:57.808 I just never really pictured you two together. 487 00:27:57.810 --> 00:28:01.412 You know, he will make a wonderful father. 488 00:28:03.815 --> 00:28:06.316 Well, sounds like you have your future all mapped out. 489 00:28:06.318 --> 00:28:08.952 That's-- that's really nice. 490 00:28:08.954 --> 00:28:11.955 So, funny thing, 491 00:28:11.957 --> 00:28:15.092 I was re-reading that one article of yours. 492 00:28:15.094 --> 00:28:16.960 Some very witty 493 00:28:16.962 --> 00:28:19.463 and wonderful turns of phrase, by the way, 494 00:28:19.465 --> 00:28:22.066 -no wonder it caught a virus. -Went viral? 495 00:28:22.068 --> 00:28:24.935 And I was thinking, you may be right about a few things. 496 00:28:24.937 --> 00:28:27.471 Perhaps we are a little bit sexually repressed. 497 00:28:27.473 --> 00:28:30.174 At any rate, i was thinking, 498 00:28:30.176 --> 00:28:31.875 you know we probably could use 499 00:28:31.877 --> 00:28:34.178 a little shake up here in beaver's Ridge, 500 00:28:34.180 --> 00:28:37.748 and I think your orgy idea is just the ticket. 501 00:28:37.750 --> 00:28:40.117 What-- hang on, my orgy-what-now? 502 00:28:40.119 --> 00:28:43.487 I'll organize, and you can instruct. 503 00:28:43.489 --> 00:28:46.023 -Uh, no. -At least think about it. 504 00:28:46.025 --> 00:28:47.891 It's really the least you could do. 505 00:28:47.893 --> 00:28:51.428 Actually, the least I can do is nothing. 506 00:28:51.430 --> 00:28:53.831 Well, now who's being the small-minded one? 507 00:28:53.833 --> 00:28:57.134 You know, I thought you would jump at the chance to watch all of us 508 00:28:57.136 --> 00:28:58.869 make fools of ourselves 509 00:28:58.871 --> 00:29:01.905 as we delve into the perversions of your mind. 510 00:29:01.907 --> 00:29:03.774 You know, probably give you fodder 511 00:29:03.776 --> 00:29:05.776 for a whole new series of articles, 512 00:29:05.778 --> 00:29:07.277 "how to plan an orgy in a small town." 513 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:10.948 I mean, if you can come up with a better title. 514 00:29:10.950 --> 00:29:13.083 Unless, of course, you can't handle it. 515 00:29:15.520 --> 00:29:18.489 So, all I would have to do is instruct? 516 00:29:20.191 --> 00:29:21.825 I mean, like, i wouldn't actually have to... 517 00:29:21.827 --> 00:29:24.128 Fornicate with us? Oh, god. No. 518 00:29:29.969 --> 00:29:32.035 Heather wants me to plan a sex party. 519 00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:36.507 Oh, that's fucking hilarious. 520 00:29:36.509 --> 00:29:40.210 Mmm. But, what's wrong? 521 00:29:41.546 --> 00:29:44.381 - I'm a virgin. 522 00:29:49.287 --> 00:29:51.021 So, just to clarify 523 00:29:51.023 --> 00:29:54.324 everything you know about sex is bullshit? 524 00:29:54.326 --> 00:29:56.860 No, that-- that's-- that's not true. 525 00:29:56.862 --> 00:29:59.363 I've-- I've interviewed people, 526 00:29:59.365 --> 00:30:01.165 and I go to bars, and... 527 00:30:01.167 --> 00:30:05.202 I belong to a few sex clubs. It's just no applied knowledge. 528 00:30:09.274 --> 00:30:11.909 Wait. Did your father molest you? 529 00:30:11.911 --> 00:30:14.812 -Alice, Jesus Christ. -Okay. 530 00:30:14.814 --> 00:30:16.280 Well, I'm sorry. 531 00:30:16.282 --> 00:30:18.448 I just have to ask 'cause that happens to people. 532 00:30:18.450 --> 00:30:21.418 And then they get all psychologically mashed up, and then they-- 533 00:30:21.420 --> 00:30:23.253 like their vagina's sealed shut, 534 00:30:23.255 --> 00:30:26.590 -so they can't even have sex. -Okay, well, it's not that. 535 00:30:26.592 --> 00:30:30.527 - 'Cause you're terrified of sex? - -No. 536 00:30:30.529 --> 00:30:35.399 I'm just waiting for someone i can trust. 537 00:30:35.401 --> 00:30:37.935 I need a new drink 'cause I just threw up in that one. 538 00:30:37.937 --> 00:30:39.570 Okay, fuck off. 539 00:30:41.206 --> 00:30:43.473 Will you come with me to this thing, or not? 540 00:30:43.475 --> 00:30:45.209 Sweetie, 541 00:30:45.211 --> 00:30:48.212 you're my very best friend in this whole stupid town. 542 00:30:48.214 --> 00:30:50.280 I will totally come to your orgy, 543 00:30:50.282 --> 00:30:52.616 and I will totally be there for you, 544 00:30:52.618 --> 00:30:56.220 and I will totally bang all the hot guys that show up. 545 00:31:01.460 --> 00:31:04.027 That was fast. What's the verdict? 546 00:31:04.029 --> 00:31:06.029 I'm digging deep. 547 00:31:24.182 --> 00:31:25.282 Ow! 548 00:31:38.329 --> 00:31:41.331 - You ready? 549 00:31:41.333 --> 00:31:42.933 I-- I don't know. 550 00:31:42.935 --> 00:31:44.601 I feel like I'm gonna throw up. 551 00:31:44.603 --> 00:31:46.503 I mean-- I mean, can we do this? 552 00:31:46.505 --> 00:31:48.238 Is this us? 553 00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.041 Are we-- are we orgy people? 554 00:31:51.043 --> 00:31:52.943 What we're not is quitters. 555 00:31:52.945 --> 00:31:55.946 Now, if we don't go downstairs and open that door, 556 00:31:55.948 --> 00:31:58.415 then everything that Cassie cranston thinks about us 557 00:31:58.417 --> 00:31:59.950 and beaver's Ridge, will be true. 558 00:31:59.952 --> 00:32:02.286 She'll think that we're cowards. 559 00:32:02.288 --> 00:32:04.087 Is that what you want her to think about you? 560 00:32:06.224 --> 00:32:10.093 So, I know all of you are sexually active, 561 00:32:10.095 --> 00:32:11.595 but what you are about to embark on 562 00:32:11.597 --> 00:32:14.131 needs to be treated and seen 563 00:32:14.133 --> 00:32:17.067 with the respect of a sport. 564 00:32:17.069 --> 00:32:18.235 Okay? 565 00:32:18.237 --> 00:32:19.636 There will be surprises. 566 00:32:19.638 --> 00:32:21.138 The odd queef. 567 00:32:21.140 --> 00:32:24.241 Yeah, okay, yeah. What is a "queef"? 568 00:32:24.243 --> 00:32:25.976 Oh, um, 569 00:32:25.978 --> 00:32:30.213 okay, it's like flatulence, that comes out of your-- 570 00:32:30.215 --> 00:32:31.982 --mm-hmm. 571 00:32:31.984 --> 00:32:36.153 Basically, you're hammering large quantities of air 572 00:32:36.155 --> 00:32:38.422 into a tight, moist, space, 573 00:32:38.424 --> 00:32:40.057 so, sounds are gonna be made. 574 00:32:40.059 --> 00:32:42.159 Next, um, stamina. 575 00:32:42.161 --> 00:32:46.396 It's gonna go a lot faster than you think. Pornography lies. 576 00:32:46.398 --> 00:32:48.565 No man can go properly for 40 minutes 577 00:32:48.567 --> 00:32:50.567 without having an aneurism, and at that point, 578 00:32:50.569 --> 00:32:52.736 any woman's vagina is gonna be squealing 579 00:32:52.738 --> 00:32:54.271 like a worn-out brake pad 580 00:32:54.273 --> 00:32:57.441 at the end of a high-speed chase. 581 00:32:57.443 --> 00:33:00.344 Are these colorful phrases really necessary? 582 00:33:00.346 --> 00:33:02.379 Well, we need to know what to expect. 583 00:33:02.381 --> 00:33:05.215 You need to stay hydrated. You're gonna sweat. 584 00:33:05.217 --> 00:33:08.285 Which brings me to my next topic. 585 00:33:08.287 --> 00:33:11.188 Sex stank. 586 00:33:11.190 --> 00:33:13.156 You're not gonna notice your own. 587 00:33:13.158 --> 00:33:15.192 But you will notice other peoples, 588 00:33:15.194 --> 00:33:17.427 and in a room full of people sweating, 589 00:33:17.429 --> 00:33:21.031 and mashing their genitals together, 590 00:33:21.033 --> 00:33:22.232 it's-- it's gonna create a-- 591 00:33:22.234 --> 00:33:24.267 musk. 592 00:33:24.269 --> 00:33:27.004 How bad could it possibly be? 593 00:33:27.006 --> 00:33:29.039 Oh, bad. Thick. 594 00:33:29.041 --> 00:33:31.541 It's gonna seep into everything. 595 00:33:31.543 --> 00:33:35.145 Thank god I got these lovely plastic couch covers. 596 00:33:36.547 --> 00:33:38.382 -So, shall we just dive right in? -Mm-hmm. 597 00:33:38.384 --> 00:33:40.317 -Well. -Mm-hmm. 598 00:33:40.319 --> 00:33:44.054 I think this was supposed to just be a preliminary chat. 599 00:33:44.056 --> 00:33:47.157 Did anyone here think we were just gonna dive right in? 600 00:33:47.159 --> 00:33:50.494 Oh, okay. Wow. 601 00:34:21.693 --> 00:34:23.360 Okay, uh, guys, 602 00:34:23.362 --> 00:34:25.228 i-- I think-- think if you're gonna do this, 603 00:34:25.230 --> 00:34:27.297 you just have to rip the band-aid off, 604 00:34:27.299 --> 00:34:30.567 and, and... do it. You know? 605 00:34:30.569 --> 00:34:32.069 Yeah. 606 00:34:32.071 --> 00:34:34.071 Heather, do you have an egg timer? 607 00:34:34.073 --> 00:34:36.306 -Yes, I do. Yeah. -That way, we can set the timer 608 00:34:36.308 --> 00:34:37.808 for five minutes and give everybody 609 00:34:37.810 --> 00:34:41.344 a chance to switch it up, if they want to. 610 00:34:41.346 --> 00:34:43.647 Um, I... 611 00:34:45.450 --> 00:34:48.518 All right, we're gonna kick it old-school. 612 00:34:48.520 --> 00:34:50.720 Gentlemen, put your keys in the bowl. 613 00:34:50.722 --> 00:34:53.590 Yeah. Oh, I walked here, can I use fishing license? 614 00:34:53.592 --> 00:34:55.459 --How do you not have keys? 615 00:34:55.461 --> 00:34:57.561 Who locks their door? 616 00:35:02.233 --> 00:35:05.235 So, my choices are Adam, or Bruce. 617 00:35:05.237 --> 00:35:07.571 Uh, can't have sex with Adam. He's your husband. 618 00:35:07.573 --> 00:35:10.540 Right, I mean, why would you want to sleep with me? 619 00:35:10.542 --> 00:35:12.876 - You're right. - -I was kidding. 620 00:35:12.878 --> 00:35:15.745 Okay, Bruce. Let's make the best of it. 621 00:35:15.747 --> 00:35:17.347 A little less enthusiasm, please. 622 00:35:26.257 --> 00:35:27.757 How are we not already having sex? 623 00:35:27.759 --> 00:35:29.626 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, i-- I just, 624 00:35:29.628 --> 00:35:31.294 you're just-- you-- you're really beautiful. 625 00:35:31.296 --> 00:35:32.762 I'm sorry. 626 00:35:32.764 --> 00:35:34.297 It's okay. You know what I'm gonna do? 627 00:35:34.299 --> 00:35:35.765 I'm gonna close my eyes, 628 00:35:35.767 --> 00:35:37.334 and I'm just gonna imagine that you have leprosy. 629 00:35:37.336 --> 00:35:39.336 And then, otherwise, this is gonna-- 630 00:35:40.672 --> 00:35:42.672 - and that's not... 631 00:35:42.674 --> 00:35:44.641 You shouldn't tell people that. 632 00:35:53.718 --> 00:35:55.719 No-- okay, uh, just give me a second. 633 00:35:55.721 --> 00:35:57.420 Give me a second. 634 00:35:57.422 --> 00:36:00.757 Okay-- okay, I'm good now. I'm good. 635 00:36:00.759 --> 00:36:02.859 Nope. Nope. 636 00:36:02.861 --> 00:36:05.195 --That's my jawbone. 637 00:36:05.197 --> 00:36:07.330 -Yeah. -Oh, so defiant. 638 00:36:07.332 --> 00:36:10.367 Slow it down, slow it way down. 639 00:36:10.369 --> 00:36:12.235 Slow it way down. 640 00:36:12.237 --> 00:36:15.505 --Uh... okay... 641 00:36:17.375 --> 00:36:19.876 Oh, my god, your lips. 642 00:36:19.878 --> 00:36:22.779 -My lips? -They're so soft. 643 00:36:22.781 --> 00:36:24.648 What do you put on them? 644 00:36:24.650 --> 00:36:28.552 Uh, well, wine. Wine, mostly. 645 00:36:28.554 --> 00:36:30.420 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-- 646 00:36:30.422 --> 00:36:32.289 wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. 647 00:36:32.291 --> 00:36:34.291 - No, no, no, I can't. 648 00:36:34.293 --> 00:36:36.193 No, no, no, no, just hold it. Hold on. 649 00:36:37.963 --> 00:36:39.963 Stop staring, it's rude. 650 00:36:39.965 --> 00:36:42.532 Where am I supposed to look? 651 00:36:42.534 --> 00:36:45.802 -Is this turning you on? -It's not-- 652 00:36:45.804 --> 00:36:47.470 not turning me on. 653 00:36:50.341 --> 00:36:53.877 Three, two, wa-- wait. No, I need-- I need six... 654 00:36:53.879 --> 00:36:55.478 -No, that's it. -Uh! 655 00:36:57.382 --> 00:36:58.748 Oh, come on. Come on, i was just getting my groove on. 656 00:36:58.750 --> 00:37:00.984 -Time's up. Chester? -Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. 657 00:37:00.986 --> 00:37:03.687 Excuse me, I'm-- I'm gonna need a few minutes, to, uh, pardon me. 658 00:37:03.689 --> 00:37:05.522 Replenish the fluids here 'cause... 659 00:37:05.524 --> 00:37:07.958 -Whoa, did you already? -I just grazed the tip. 660 00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:09.793 -I grazed it. -Please. Please tell me 661 00:37:09.795 --> 00:37:11.795 -it was on the couch cover. -I'm ready to party. 662 00:37:11.797 --> 00:37:13.330 -Jeez. -Is that normal? 663 00:37:13.332 --> 00:37:14.998 God no. 664 00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:16.766 -Hey, why don't we have some make-up sex? -Oh, no. 665 00:37:16.768 --> 00:37:19.369 Did not all the energy in here just get sucked out? 666 00:37:19.371 --> 00:37:21.771 -No, no, it didn't. Ow. -Um, I think we-- 667 00:37:21.773 --> 00:37:23.907 we ripped the band-aid off a little too quickly here. 668 00:37:23.909 --> 00:37:25.609 We should have catered. 669 00:37:25.611 --> 00:37:27.711 A potluck would have been nice. 670 00:37:27.713 --> 00:37:30.347 Cassie, I feel like we're gonna need some spare dicks, 671 00:37:30.349 --> 00:37:32.682 incase, you know, chappy gets pre-maturely excited, 672 00:37:32.684 --> 00:37:34.517 -just keep the party going. -I can hear you. 673 00:37:34.519 --> 00:37:35.919 -Agreed. -You know what would be good? 674 00:37:35.921 --> 00:37:37.621 Is maybe if we had some other ladies as well? 675 00:37:37.623 --> 00:37:39.823 -Yeah. -People from around town. 676 00:37:39.825 --> 00:37:41.358 Or Cassie, if you wanted get involved. 677 00:37:41.360 --> 00:37:42.859 Uh, no. 678 00:37:42.861 --> 00:37:44.561 I-- I mean, i-- I, that wasn't-- 679 00:37:44.563 --> 00:37:46.496 that wasn't part of the-- no. 680 00:37:46.498 --> 00:37:49.332 Um, okay, I think this little experiment has just proven 681 00:37:49.334 --> 00:37:51.468 that we need to go a little bit slower. 682 00:37:52.604 --> 00:37:54.871 So, let's get together again, 683 00:37:54.873 --> 00:37:58.408 but this time, ease into it, focus on the basics. 684 00:37:58.410 --> 00:38:01.745 And if all goes well, then, round two. 685 00:38:01.747 --> 00:38:03.446 Look, I don't want to sound like a jerk here, okay? 686 00:38:03.448 --> 00:38:05.482 But what am I supposed to do with this erection? 687 00:38:05.484 --> 00:38:07.350 -I mean... -Yeah, I saw a papaya on the counter there 688 00:38:07.352 --> 00:38:08.752 you could probably have your way with. 689 00:38:08.754 --> 00:38:11.655 No, it's too ripe. It's not gonna work. 690 00:38:11.657 --> 00:38:12.989 Why do you know that? 691 00:38:18.863 --> 00:38:20.563 What about Michael lobucks? 692 00:38:20.565 --> 00:38:21.798 He's got a terrible back issue. 693 00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:23.433 He wouldn't the last five minutes. 694 00:38:23.435 --> 00:38:26.870 -What about the mayor? -Gus, Gus? Been there. 695 00:38:28.939 --> 00:38:31.541 -They can't be black. -Oh, my god. 696 00:38:33.010 --> 00:38:35.478 Wait, Gus is black? 697 00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:37.580 -Mrs. reddick. -Bruce, she's dead. 698 00:38:37.582 --> 00:38:40.684 Margo and Dave Anderson. 699 00:38:40.686 --> 00:38:42.452 No-- no. Absolutely not. 700 00:38:42.454 --> 00:38:44.354 Have you seen how he plays charades? 701 00:38:44.356 --> 00:38:46.089 I'm not getting into a sexual situation with that man. 702 00:38:46.091 --> 00:38:48.091 So, there's a bunch of us and we're doing this thing, 703 00:38:48.093 --> 00:38:50.093 -okay? -Yeah. 704 00:38:50.095 --> 00:38:51.961 And, I don't know how to ask... 705 00:38:51.963 --> 00:38:54.964 We've been encouraged to invite other people to the thing. 706 00:38:54.966 --> 00:38:56.833 -Right. -What we're gonna be doing is... 707 00:38:56.835 --> 00:38:59.369 -What kind of thing is it? -We're gonna-- it's a, 708 00:38:59.371 --> 00:39:01.705 it's like a pri-- it's like a very... 709 00:39:01.707 --> 00:39:03.707 -It's a private fun thing. -Yeah. 710 00:39:03.709 --> 00:39:06.710 -Yeah. -Like, we're all-- we are all together... 711 00:39:06.712 --> 00:39:08.712 -In the private thing... -Yeah. 712 00:39:08.714 --> 00:39:11.981 ...where you touch each other's nipples and you fuck each other? 713 00:39:11.983 --> 00:39:14.351 -How do you know-- what are you-- -stop trying to invite me 714 00:39:16.688 --> 00:39:19.689 how do I not know about the orgy? Bruce is all over town. 715 00:39:19.691 --> 00:39:22.025 And you need to talk to that guy because everybody in this town 716 00:39:22.027 --> 00:39:24.027 is gonna know what you idiots are up to. 717 00:39:24.029 --> 00:39:26.896 Okay, okay, okay. So he did Bruce invite you to it, already? 718 00:39:26.898 --> 00:39:28.598 -Yes, he did. -He did, eh? 719 00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:30.100 Yes. 720 00:39:30.102 --> 00:39:33.069 -So you... -No. No! 721 00:39:33.071 --> 00:39:35.071 I knew you were gonna ask me that. 722 00:39:35.073 --> 00:39:37.607 -You disappoint me, Chester. -What? 723 00:39:37.609 --> 00:39:39.909 You guys haven't rsvp'ed to my party, yet. 724 00:39:39.911 --> 00:39:42.846 Wow, hey. Seth, man. How long have you been standing there? 725 00:39:42.848 --> 00:39:46.015 Actually, funny that you're here, 726 00:39:46.017 --> 00:39:48.017 because Chester has something that he wants to ask you. 727 00:39:48.019 --> 00:39:50.019 - No-- -there's this thing that's happening. 728 00:39:50.021 --> 00:39:51.821 And, people are encouraged... 729 00:39:51.823 --> 00:39:54.424 -No, that's not-- -to invite other people... 730 00:39:54.426 --> 00:39:57.727 And he wanted to talk to you about this thing. 731 00:39:57.729 --> 00:39:59.062 No. What? Coming. 732 00:39:59.064 --> 00:40:00.864 I gotta grab this-- this, delivery. 733 00:40:00.866 --> 00:40:02.732 -Oh, really? -I gotta get this delivery here. 734 00:40:02.734 --> 00:40:04.534 - Interesting. - -Isn't that your bathroom? 735 00:40:04.536 --> 00:40:05.735 -What? -Are you going to the bathroom? 736 00:40:05.737 --> 00:40:07.704 -Hey, Seth. -Hi, pauline. 737 00:40:07.706 --> 00:40:10.039 How is your day going, buddy? 738 00:40:10.041 --> 00:40:12.509 -It's busy. -Yeah. 739 00:40:15.513 --> 00:40:17.847 So, you want to have an orgy in a town 740 00:40:17.849 --> 00:40:20.016 where you can dial the wrong number, 741 00:40:20.018 --> 00:40:22.018 and still have a ten-minute conversation? 742 00:40:22.020 --> 00:40:24.421 I'll owe you. 743 00:40:24.423 --> 00:40:26.055 I really need to work the numbers in my favor, 744 00:40:26.057 --> 00:40:28.758 and you coming helps knock some of the other guys out. 745 00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:30.794 -How? -You know... 746 00:40:32.730 --> 00:40:34.998 You smoke a pole man, you know. 747 00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:37.000 -The pole? -Yeah, you play the skin flute, 748 00:40:37.002 --> 00:40:38.768 you put penises in your mouth, 'cause you're gay. 749 00:40:38.770 --> 00:40:40.837 Not 'cause you're happy, 'cause you're a homosexual. 750 00:40:40.839 --> 00:40:42.205 Not that you couldn't be a homosexual and be happy 751 00:40:42.207 --> 00:40:44.808 I'm sure you love it. 752 00:40:44.810 --> 00:40:46.843 So... 753 00:40:46.845 --> 00:40:49.979 You want me at this orgy because I'm gay, 754 00:40:49.981 --> 00:40:53.850 and that will force one of the other non-gay men to sleep with me, 755 00:40:53.852 --> 00:40:56.920 which will make more women available for you? 756 00:40:56.922 --> 00:40:58.855 Look. 757 00:40:58.857 --> 00:41:01.691 I really need this, man. 758 00:41:01.693 --> 00:41:03.460 Allie's leaving me, it was-- 759 00:41:03.462 --> 00:41:05.462 it was a huge hit to my ego. 760 00:41:06.764 --> 00:41:08.765 If I agree to this, 761 00:41:08.767 --> 00:41:10.800 you give me the full commission on your house. 762 00:41:10.802 --> 00:41:12.969 That's a big commission, man. 763 00:41:12.971 --> 00:41:15.572 -Are you coming to my birthday party? -Jesus Christ. 764 00:41:15.574 --> 00:41:17.841 My mom wanted an rsvp like, yesterday. 765 00:41:17.843 --> 00:41:20.810 I don't know, man. 766 00:41:20.812 --> 00:41:24.047 You should totally come to our party, Seth. 767 00:41:27.952 --> 00:41:30.019 I... 768 00:41:34.859 --> 00:41:37.827 -Alice. -Fuck! Jesus, Seth. 769 00:41:37.829 --> 00:41:40.029 You haven't rsvp'ed to my party, yet. 770 00:41:40.031 --> 00:41:42.899 -Haven't I? -It's just my mom. 771 00:41:42.901 --> 00:41:45.802 She doesn't know how many cupcakes to make. She's freaking out. 772 00:41:45.804 --> 00:41:47.904 Mm. Okay. 773 00:41:47.906 --> 00:41:49.939 Are you going to that party? 774 00:41:49.941 --> 00:41:52.008 -What party? -I don't know. 775 00:41:52.010 --> 00:41:54.878 Bruce told me about some party at Adam's. 776 00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:56.212 -That's been cancelled. -Are you sure? 777 00:41:56.214 --> 00:41:58.748 Because he just told me about it like, just now. 778 00:41:58.750 --> 00:42:00.183 Well, Seth, 779 00:42:00.185 --> 00:42:02.085 I don't know, because Bruce is an idiot. 780 00:42:02.087 --> 00:42:03.586 Yeah. 781 00:42:03.588 --> 00:42:04.921 Hey, um, that's good, 782 00:42:04.923 --> 00:42:06.923 because tomorrow's my party anyways, 783 00:42:06.925 --> 00:42:08.691 so you can just tell everybody to rsvp, 784 00:42:08.693 --> 00:42:10.026 and then they can come. 785 00:42:10.028 --> 00:42:12.529 Okay, I, uh, 786 00:42:12.531 --> 00:42:13.863 I'll try to remember. 787 00:42:13.865 --> 00:42:15.832 -Can I have a glass of water? -I don't. 788 00:42:15.834 --> 00:42:17.700 -I don't have any water. -I'm thirsty. 789 00:42:17.702 --> 00:42:19.636 -Okay. -Do you have a blanket? I'm cold. 790 00:42:24.842 --> 00:42:26.843 So, I think the first thing we need to do here 791 00:42:26.845 --> 00:42:28.711 is-- is just 792 00:42:28.713 --> 00:42:31.781 acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. 793 00:42:31.783 --> 00:42:35.785 So, Chester, if maybe we could-- switch spots. 794 00:42:35.787 --> 00:42:37.120 So you could sit over here. 795 00:42:37.122 --> 00:42:38.855 -You wanna do a-- -yeah. 796 00:42:38.857 --> 00:42:40.290 Okay. 797 00:42:42.326 --> 00:42:45.061 -So, let's start with Heather. -Hmm. 798 00:42:45.063 --> 00:42:46.296 How does it make you feel 799 00:42:46.298 --> 00:42:49.132 to see Adam with someone else? 800 00:42:51.335 --> 00:42:54.170 Oh, well-- well, I... 801 00:42:55.706 --> 00:42:57.707 I think we can all be adults here. 802 00:42:57.709 --> 00:42:58.875 Yeah? 803 00:42:58.877 --> 00:43:01.744 Okay, so, this doesn't bother you, 804 00:43:01.746 --> 00:43:04.714 or make you upset or uncomfortable at all? 805 00:43:06.750 --> 00:43:09.619 Mm-mm. No. 806 00:43:09.621 --> 00:43:11.621 No, I think that's, um, 807 00:43:11.623 --> 00:43:12.956 that's very neighborly of you, 808 00:43:12.958 --> 00:43:14.958 of-- of both of you. 809 00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:17.126 I'm very neighborly. 810 00:43:17.128 --> 00:43:20.763 -Is this-- is this hard for you, Adam? -Oh, it's hard for me. 811 00:43:20.765 --> 00:43:23.099 I mean, this-- it would-- this-- 812 00:43:23.101 --> 00:43:25.668 that would be hard for me. That would be challenging. 813 00:43:25.670 --> 00:43:28.838 Yeah, what about this, Heather? Huh? 814 00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:34.077 This must be driving you absolutely insane. 815 00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:35.778 Bruce, what are you doing? 816 00:43:35.780 --> 00:43:38.348 Oh, we're just easing into it, big fella. 817 00:43:38.350 --> 00:43:40.183 You know, you are carrying 818 00:43:40.185 --> 00:43:43.653 -a lot of tension... -Mm-hmm. 819 00:43:43.655 --> 00:43:45.989 ...in your buster deltoids. Can you feel that? 820 00:43:45.991 --> 00:43:47.991 You know what? I'd be a lot easier if I got your shirt off. 821 00:43:47.993 --> 00:43:49.325 -That way we can really get at it. -Um, I don't think... 822 00:43:49.327 --> 00:43:51.327 --I'll get it. 823 00:43:51.329 --> 00:43:53.329 -Ttat'll be our additional guests. -Oh. 824 00:43:53.331 --> 00:43:54.864 Yeah, okay, let's just go ahead. 825 00:43:54.866 --> 00:43:56.366 That's a weird way to open a shirt, anyway. 826 00:43:56.368 --> 00:43:58.101 Let's just-- let's just put the kybosh on that, 827 00:43:58.103 --> 00:43:59.802 -and see who these guests are. -Go away! 828 00:43:59.804 --> 00:44:01.270 Jesus fucking... 829 00:44:02.806 --> 00:44:05.675 Hi, guys. Hey, come on in. 830 00:44:05.677 --> 00:44:07.877 -Thank you. -Everybody, 831 00:44:07.879 --> 00:44:11.381 you remember Anna and Otis. 832 00:44:11.383 --> 00:44:13.249 - From racquetball, right? - -Hi. 833 00:44:13.251 --> 00:44:15.385 Who the fuck invited you? 834 00:44:16.920 --> 00:44:18.421 Honey, I don't know about this. 835 00:44:18.423 --> 00:44:20.957 Um, just a moment, everyone. 836 00:44:20.959 --> 00:44:23.326 Sure. 837 00:44:23.328 --> 00:44:26.329 Sweetie, we agreed to this. 838 00:44:26.331 --> 00:44:29.032 Everything we tried hasn't been working. 839 00:44:29.034 --> 00:44:31.868 The long walks, the spicy food, the primrose oil. 840 00:44:31.870 --> 00:44:33.870 I mean, the mid-wife thought that maybe this would do the trick. 841 00:44:33.872 --> 00:44:35.672 -I know. -We want to do it naturally. 842 00:44:35.674 --> 00:44:39.008 I know, I know, but why can't it just be you? 843 00:44:39.010 --> 00:44:42.445 Because it's been me for the last 48 hours and I'm exhausted. 844 00:44:45.182 --> 00:44:47.684 --Listen, you-- 845 00:44:47.686 --> 00:44:50.787 you're peeing every ten minutes, you're not sleeping. 846 00:44:50.789 --> 00:44:54.924 I love you so much, but this baby needs to come out. 847 00:44:56.861 --> 00:44:58.227 -You're right. -Yeah. 848 00:44:59.464 --> 00:45:01.764 -We need to do this. -Right. 849 00:45:01.766 --> 00:45:03.866 I love you. 850 00:45:03.868 --> 00:45:06.202 -Okay. -Are we ready? 851 00:45:06.204 --> 00:45:07.837 Yeah, I'm ready. 852 00:45:09.440 --> 00:45:14.343 Okay, so, who's gonna fuck my wife first? 853 00:45:17.481 --> 00:45:19.182 Okay, uh, sexual positions... 854 00:45:19.184 --> 00:45:20.717 Oh, uh, I know all three of them, 855 00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:22.819 but we only do the doggy-style. 856 00:45:22.821 --> 00:45:24.854 -I'm sorry, all three of them? -Mm-hmm. 857 00:45:24.856 --> 00:45:26.856 You guys don't look at each other when you-- 858 00:45:26.858 --> 00:45:28.157 -nope. -Mm-mm. 859 00:45:28.159 --> 00:45:30.193 Why not? 860 00:45:30.195 --> 00:45:32.028 You know, I don't think anyone wants to know that. 861 00:45:32.030 --> 00:45:33.262 -I wanna know. -I'd love to know. 862 00:45:33.264 --> 00:45:34.797 It's private, it's between us. 863 00:45:34.799 --> 00:45:36.365 -He makes a face. -Okay. 864 00:45:36.367 --> 00:45:37.734 -It's very unpleasant. -It's involuntary. 865 00:45:37.736 --> 00:45:39.769 It's disturbing, actually. 866 00:45:39.771 --> 00:45:42.105 It's like a sneeze. Would you judge a person for how they sneeze? 867 00:45:42.107 --> 00:45:45.842 Oh-- okay, let's not ruin the surprise. 868 00:45:45.844 --> 00:45:50.146 Um. We have some work to do. Everybody grab a partner. 869 00:45:50.148 --> 00:45:51.848 Okay, I drew up some sexual positions 870 00:45:51.850 --> 00:45:53.416 for us to try here. 871 00:45:53.418 --> 00:45:55.384 -What, really? Me? -Get lost. 872 00:45:55.386 --> 00:45:57.086 Thank you. I would-- I would be honored. 873 00:45:57.088 --> 00:45:59.255 If we could just skip the lego instructions. 874 00:45:59.257 --> 00:46:01.257 I mean, clearly, I've done this before. 875 00:46:01.259 --> 00:46:03.960 I really just need someone to bang the baby out of me. 876 00:46:03.962 --> 00:46:07.296 Uh, also, if you could ejaculate directly inside 877 00:46:07.298 --> 00:46:09.499 my wife's vagina, that would be great. 878 00:46:09.501 --> 00:46:11.868 Uh, it actually contains prosteligence 879 00:46:11.870 --> 00:46:16.005 which can stimulate the cervix and can cause contractions. 880 00:46:16.007 --> 00:46:17.874 Yeah. 881 00:46:20.144 --> 00:46:22.311 Can you not put all your weight on me? 882 00:46:22.313 --> 00:46:26.315 -It makes me feel like i gotta pee. -You wanna pee on me? 883 00:46:26.317 --> 00:46:28.484 That is not even close to what I said. 884 00:46:28.486 --> 00:46:32.488 Okay, Bruce, why don't you try putting her leg over your shoulder? 885 00:46:32.490 --> 00:46:35.024 -Oh, oh, ooh. -Yeah, yeah. 886 00:46:35.026 --> 00:46:36.526 It actually feels, it does feel good. 887 00:46:36.528 --> 00:46:38.461 Honey, why have we never tried this position? 888 00:46:38.463 --> 00:46:41.430 -I didn't know you liked that. -Well, you could have asked. 889 00:46:41.432 --> 00:46:45.034 -I'm not a mind-reader, pumpkin. -That's why you should ask. 890 00:46:45.036 --> 00:46:48.104 Okay, i-- I don't think this is the time for that, guys. 891 00:46:48.106 --> 00:46:49.806 Right. Sorry, honey. We're being rude. 892 00:46:49.808 --> 00:46:51.874 Bruce is trying to penetrate me. 893 00:46:51.876 --> 00:46:55.044 I'm sorry, Bruce. All right, give me what you got. 894 00:46:55.046 --> 00:46:58.114 -I got nothing, ow. This is-- -what? 895 00:46:58.116 --> 00:47:00.583 -This is fucked up, man. -What? 896 00:47:00.585 --> 00:47:04.153 What the fuck is your problem? 897 00:47:04.155 --> 00:47:06.155 Two, three, okay. I gotta get it right... 898 00:47:06.157 --> 00:47:09.292 -Yep, yep, okay. -...In here. 899 00:47:09.294 --> 00:47:11.828 -Uh-huh. -Cassie? 900 00:47:11.830 --> 00:47:14.163 I don't know, i think one of us has to be lesbian to do this. 901 00:47:14.165 --> 00:47:16.032 Well, no, not if-- see here, 902 00:47:16.034 --> 00:47:17.500 if you're more like this... 903 00:47:17.502 --> 00:47:19.035 -Then... -Oh, I see. 904 00:47:19.037 --> 00:47:21.370 Yeah, no, we both have to be lesbian. 905 00:47:21.372 --> 00:47:23.206 - Oh! -So that's not gonna work. 906 00:47:25.309 --> 00:47:27.476 Oh. 907 00:47:27.478 --> 00:47:31.180 There's no need to be shy, Otis. 908 00:47:31.182 --> 00:47:34.584 I for one am very interested in fornicating with you. 909 00:47:34.586 --> 00:47:37.119 Oh. Well, uh, no, no, no. 910 00:47:37.121 --> 00:47:40.289 Uh, I'm just here for Anna, incase the baby pops. 911 00:47:40.291 --> 00:47:43.292 Surely there's better ways to pass the time. 912 00:47:43.294 --> 00:47:47.163 Oh, well, I'm gonna say thank you, but no thank you. 913 00:47:47.165 --> 00:47:49.332 Okay, I'm gonna level with you here, 914 00:47:49.334 --> 00:47:51.334 Anna told me that you got her pregnant without even trying. 915 00:47:51.336 --> 00:47:53.536 I need your baby batter, so be a neighbor. 916 00:47:53.538 --> 00:47:56.639 Well, I mean, my-- my semen isn't sugar, Heather. 917 00:47:56.641 --> 00:47:59.175 Besides, Anna and i have been having sex all day, all right? 918 00:47:59.177 --> 00:48:00.509 I'm exhausted. 919 00:48:00.511 --> 00:48:02.044 Even if I could get it up, 920 00:48:02.046 --> 00:48:04.647 it's like a ghost coughing down there. 921 00:48:08.986 --> 00:48:11.320 -Oh, my god. -Did you just...? 922 00:48:11.322 --> 00:48:12.889 No, no. I'm good. 923 00:48:12.891 --> 00:48:15.224 Uh... 924 00:48:15.226 --> 00:48:17.560 Okay, I think we can... 925 00:48:17.562 --> 00:48:19.562 Start with the actual sex now. 926 00:48:19.564 --> 00:48:21.097 -I'm... -Yeah? 927 00:48:21.099 --> 00:48:22.431 -Yeah, I think I'm ready. -Okay. 928 00:48:22.433 --> 00:48:24.433 -Yeah. -Whoa, hey, uh, i-- 929 00:48:24.435 --> 00:48:27.436 -i felt the baby kick. -Well, don't make it weird. 930 00:48:27.438 --> 00:48:29.305 She just wants to say hello. 931 00:48:29.307 --> 00:48:31.007 -Don't you baby? -Please don't talk like a baby. 932 00:48:31.009 --> 00:48:32.909 She just wants to meet everybody. 933 00:48:32.911 --> 00:48:35.244 Help her meet everybody, Adam. 934 00:48:35.246 --> 00:48:36.946 I don't know that I'm qualified for that. 935 00:48:36.948 --> 00:48:39.282 Shh-shh. Keep it sexy, okay? 936 00:48:39.284 --> 00:48:41.684 Uh, if you-- if you arch your back, 937 00:48:41.686 --> 00:48:45.054 I think it'll allow for at least another inch of penetration. 938 00:48:45.056 --> 00:48:47.390 -Oh. -Thank you, Cassie. 939 00:48:49.928 --> 00:48:51.427 Oh, my god. Oh, jeez. 940 00:48:51.429 --> 00:48:54.397 Um, just for the record, i am not inside you right now. 941 00:48:57.135 --> 00:48:58.634 -It's... -Is this a good position? 942 00:48:58.636 --> 00:49:01.203 It's just the water stage. 943 00:49:01.205 --> 00:49:02.571 The baby's not gonna come for hours. 944 00:49:02.573 --> 00:49:04.140 Water stage? 945 00:49:07.511 --> 00:49:10.513 Ooh, ah. 946 00:49:10.515 --> 00:49:12.048 Are-- are you-- are you having a seizure? 947 00:49:12.050 --> 00:49:13.716 - What's... - -It's coming! 948 00:49:13.718 --> 00:49:16.218 Oh, my god. Are you having a contraction? 949 00:49:16.220 --> 00:49:18.554 Oh, there it is! 950 00:49:18.556 --> 00:49:20.089 -Okay, it's happening. -It's fine, it's fine. 951 00:49:20.091 --> 00:49:21.390 -It's happening? -It's happening. 952 00:49:21.392 --> 00:49:23.526 -We got a while yet. -No, no, no. 953 00:49:23.528 --> 00:49:25.962 If we could get it wrapped up as soon as possible. If that's possible. 954 00:49:25.964 --> 00:49:27.997 -Let's get her up. -This feels so fucking good. 955 00:49:27.999 --> 00:49:30.032 Why don't you ever feel this fucking good? 956 00:49:30.034 --> 00:49:32.535 She doesn't mean that, guys. That's the baby talking. 957 00:49:32.537 --> 00:49:35.071 Uh, can we get this guy off? This is my wife, here. 958 00:49:35.073 --> 00:49:37.506 Just a little bit of help guys, would be really... 959 00:49:41.045 --> 00:49:42.311 - Screamer. 960 00:49:42.313 --> 00:49:43.546 Okay, there it is. 961 00:49:43.548 --> 00:49:45.548 -There we go. -Never throw those out. 962 00:49:45.550 --> 00:49:47.650 Uh, thank you so much, guys, thank you so much. 963 00:49:47.652 --> 00:49:50.086 See, what did I tell you about the plastic couch covers? 964 00:49:50.088 --> 00:49:51.587 What a great night guys. Thank you. 965 00:49:55.726 --> 00:49:57.660 Can I ask a silly question? 966 00:50:00.130 --> 00:50:02.465 How come none of you have realized 967 00:50:02.467 --> 00:50:03.766 what a terrible idea this is? 968 00:50:03.768 --> 00:50:06.268 Hmm? 969 00:50:06.270 --> 00:50:11.140 I mean, for one night of awkward pleasure, 970 00:50:11.142 --> 00:50:14.210 you are gonna jeopardize friendships, 971 00:50:14.212 --> 00:50:17.780 marriages even... 972 00:50:17.782 --> 00:50:22.051 Look around, these are your neighbors, your friends, 973 00:50:22.053 --> 00:50:25.554 I just want to make sure that you've thought about this. 974 00:50:25.556 --> 00:50:27.757 Really thought about it. 975 00:50:27.759 --> 00:50:31.093 This is a small town. People are gonna find out. 976 00:50:31.095 --> 00:50:33.429 One of you will talk, maybe not right away, 977 00:50:33.431 --> 00:50:36.098 but eventually. 978 00:50:36.100 --> 00:50:38.601 I read Cassie's article, 979 00:50:38.603 --> 00:50:41.303 and the reason why it upset at everybody is 'cause she's right. 980 00:50:41.305 --> 00:50:43.439 You are not the type of people 981 00:50:43.441 --> 00:50:45.441 to do this sort of thing. 982 00:50:47.144 --> 00:50:48.577 You're not adventurous. 983 00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:52.648 Who are you trying to fool? 984 00:51:09.533 --> 00:51:12.735 Half a dozen chimps are locked in a room. 985 00:51:12.737 --> 00:51:14.637 And in the center of the room, 986 00:51:14.639 --> 00:51:17.606 there's a ladder on top of which 987 00:51:17.608 --> 00:51:20.076 a banana dangles from the ceiling. 988 00:51:20.078 --> 00:51:22.711 So one the chimps decides to go for the banana. 989 00:51:22.713 --> 00:51:25.614 But before he can even touch the ladder, 990 00:51:25.616 --> 00:51:29.085 they're all sprayed with ice cold water. 991 00:51:29.087 --> 00:51:32.188 -I'm so confused right now. -Shut up. 992 00:51:32.190 --> 00:51:34.690 So, after a while, they figure out the connection, 993 00:51:34.692 --> 00:51:36.358 between the ladder and the water, 994 00:51:36.360 --> 00:51:39.261 and they don't go for the banana anymore. 995 00:51:40.864 --> 00:51:45.434 So then one of the chimps is replaced by a new chimp. 996 00:51:45.436 --> 00:51:48.704 And he decides to go for the banana. 997 00:51:48.706 --> 00:51:50.306 Before he can even touch the ladder, 998 00:51:50.308 --> 00:51:53.309 they-- they attack him. 999 00:51:53.311 --> 00:51:55.644 He goes for it again and they literally, 1000 00:51:55.646 --> 00:51:58.814 they beat the message into him, 1001 00:51:58.816 --> 00:52:01.250 do not touch the fucking ladder. 1002 00:52:04.287 --> 00:52:07.690 Eventually, all the chimps are replaced by an entirely new group. 1003 00:52:09.226 --> 00:52:10.693 They don't know about the water. 1004 00:52:10.695 --> 00:52:13.529 They-- they don't even know it exists, 1005 00:52:13.531 --> 00:52:18.267 but anytime any of them go for that banana, 1006 00:52:18.269 --> 00:52:20.603 they attack them. 1007 00:52:20.605 --> 00:52:23.839 And they have no idea why. 1008 00:52:23.841 --> 00:52:25.841 All they know is, 1009 00:52:25.843 --> 00:52:28.911 this is what happens when you go after 1010 00:52:28.913 --> 00:52:31.347 the thing you want the most. 1011 00:52:32.916 --> 00:52:37.786 Something someone else says you can't have 1012 00:52:37.788 --> 00:52:39.688 and they never question it, 1013 00:52:39.690 --> 00:52:41.824 it's just what they do. 1014 00:52:41.826 --> 00:52:43.826 So my question is, 1015 00:52:43.828 --> 00:52:48.164 are you gonna go after your banana? 1016 00:52:48.166 --> 00:52:51.567 Or are you gonna let all the other chimps knock you down? 1017 00:52:53.336 --> 00:52:55.404 Did that make anyone else a little bit hard? 1018 00:52:55.406 --> 00:52:57.840 Bruce, there are ladies present. 1019 00:52:57.842 --> 00:53:01.477 I'm sorry, did it make anyone hard, or wet? 1020 00:53:01.479 --> 00:53:03.379 Look, y'all want this. 1021 00:53:05.849 --> 00:53:07.349 You need this. 1022 00:53:10.453 --> 00:53:13.255 And if you're in, then I'm in, too. 1023 00:53:14.558 --> 00:53:15.925 All the way. 1024 00:53:20.664 --> 00:53:24.266 -I'd like to go after my banana. -Me, too. 1025 00:53:24.268 --> 00:53:26.302 Can I put the whole thing in my mouth? 1026 00:53:27.337 --> 00:53:30.906 Saturday. My place. 1027 00:53:43.954 --> 00:53:45.788 Maybe they're late. 1028 00:53:49.859 --> 00:53:53.395 Why don't you come on the cruise with me? 1029 00:53:53.397 --> 00:53:55.664 It'd be good for you to get out of town. 1030 00:53:55.666 --> 00:53:58.801 You don't need these people. 1031 00:53:58.803 --> 00:54:00.903 They've never accepted you. 1032 00:54:19.356 --> 00:54:21.357 Well. 1033 00:54:21.359 --> 00:54:23.325 Well, happy birthday, Seth. 1034 00:54:34.638 --> 00:54:35.771 Okay. 1035 00:54:39.043 --> 00:54:42.711 Okay. 1036 00:54:42.713 --> 00:54:46.348 Okay. Pace yourself, Chester, buddy. 1037 00:54:46.350 --> 00:54:47.850 Pace. 1038 00:54:47.852 --> 00:54:50.052 Hello. You're very pretty. 1039 00:54:50.054 --> 00:54:51.720 I'm Chester. 1040 00:54:51.722 --> 00:54:54.890 Oh, slow down, slow down. 1041 00:54:56.927 --> 00:55:01.430 Yeah, yeah, here comes the good stuff. 1042 00:55:02.900 --> 00:55:05.868 Oh, oh, god dammit, why? 1043 00:55:05.870 --> 00:55:07.770 Why? 1044 00:55:07.772 --> 00:55:09.638 --Dude. 1045 00:55:09.640 --> 00:55:11.073 Ugh! 1046 00:55:11.075 --> 00:55:13.342 Everyone can fucking see you! 1047 00:55:13.344 --> 00:55:14.677 You know that that chick has a dick, right? 1048 00:55:14.679 --> 00:55:17.313 -Yeah, thanks. -I support masturbation. 1049 00:55:17.315 --> 00:55:19.315 --Whew! 1050 00:55:21.485 --> 00:55:24.820 Hey, you're not-- you're not gonna mention this... 1051 00:55:24.822 --> 00:55:26.355 --...to anyone are you? 1052 00:55:26.357 --> 00:55:28.891 'Cause I'm-- I'm a little just, 1053 00:55:28.893 --> 00:55:30.893 you know, embarrassed about it. 1054 00:55:30.895 --> 00:55:34.396 I would never do that. 1055 00:55:34.398 --> 00:55:36.732 No, I'm serious. Why would I go and tell anybody 1056 00:55:36.734 --> 00:55:38.600 that's private-- it's personal, that I walked in on you. 1057 00:55:38.602 --> 00:55:40.102 -It's totally fine. -Thank you. 1058 00:55:40.104 --> 00:55:42.104 Don't be embarrassed. I've done weird shit. 1059 00:55:42.106 --> 00:55:44.640 Like eat half a pizza. 1060 00:55:47.111 --> 00:55:51.380 Why don't you have any friends, seriously? 1061 00:55:51.382 --> 00:55:54.383 Hum. Um... 1062 00:55:54.385 --> 00:55:56.385 Ow, that kinda-- 1063 00:55:56.387 --> 00:55:57.720 no. 1064 00:55:57.722 --> 00:55:59.421 I mean, what the fuck are you? 1065 00:55:59.423 --> 00:56:00.923 No, I didn't mean it like that, i meant like, 1066 00:56:00.925 --> 00:56:02.791 why don't you have, like, friends, other than me? 1067 00:56:02.793 --> 00:56:04.660 Like, friends your-- your own age, 'cause you're-- 1068 00:56:04.662 --> 00:56:06.662 you're so, I mean, you... 1069 00:56:06.664 --> 00:56:08.664 I don't know. People are idiots. 1070 00:56:08.666 --> 00:56:10.766 -Generally. You're an idiot. -Yeah, I am an idiot. 1071 00:56:10.768 --> 00:56:12.101 Every-- you're just an idiot, at all times. 1072 00:56:12.103 --> 00:56:14.069 It's true. 1073 00:56:14.071 --> 00:56:16.772 I mean, you're only friends with me because you wanna bang me. 1074 00:56:16.774 --> 00:56:18.107 Oh, fuck, holy shit. 1075 00:56:18.109 --> 00:56:20.642 It was a dream. It was a dream. 1076 00:56:20.644 --> 00:56:23.645 I had a sex dream about my aunt merga, once. Okay? 1077 00:56:23.647 --> 00:56:25.547 You shouldn't tell people that. 1078 00:56:25.549 --> 00:56:27.883 No, I'm making a-- I'm trying to make a point here. 1079 00:56:27.885 --> 00:56:31.053 All right, that it doesn't mean, it's nothing. 1080 00:56:31.055 --> 00:56:34.590 It's just a dream. Okay? 1081 00:56:34.592 --> 00:56:36.592 I mean, what's so wrong about me, anyway? 1082 00:56:36.594 --> 00:56:38.060 What? 1083 00:56:38.062 --> 00:56:39.828 I mean, why wouldn't you want to bang me? 1084 00:56:39.830 --> 00:56:41.530 You keep saying, "no I would never do that," 1085 00:56:41.532 --> 00:56:43.832 but I mean, do I, like, do I, am I repulsive? 1086 00:56:43.834 --> 00:56:46.535 Why would you wanna have sex with me? I mean, does that... 1087 00:56:46.537 --> 00:56:48.537 No, no, that's not what I said, i didn't say that. 1088 00:56:48.539 --> 00:56:49.905 But you didn't not say that, right? 1089 00:56:49.907 --> 00:56:51.774 -Okay. -You did not say that. 1090 00:56:51.776 --> 00:56:54.076 Wow. You should be a detective. 1091 00:56:54.078 --> 00:56:55.778 -Really? -Yeah. 1092 00:56:55.780 --> 00:56:57.880 - No. No. -Why, you think I should 1093 00:56:57.882 --> 00:57:01.049 go get a badge or something? 1094 00:57:01.051 --> 00:57:03.819 I'll get you a detective badge. 1095 00:57:03.821 --> 00:57:06.155 -Thanks. -Hmm. 1096 00:57:06.157 --> 00:57:07.990 - What? 1097 00:57:14.197 --> 00:57:17.666 Whoa, what... What're you doing? 1098 00:57:17.668 --> 00:57:19.701 Oh, god. 1099 00:57:19.703 --> 00:57:22.504 What're you...? 1100 00:57:22.506 --> 00:57:24.173 What're you doing right now? 1101 00:57:24.175 --> 00:57:25.941 I'm bored. 1102 00:57:37.587 --> 00:57:38.987 What's happening right now? 1103 00:57:43.092 --> 00:57:47.696 Well, um, nothing is happening, Chester. 1104 00:57:49.933 --> 00:57:51.533 Oh, shit. 1105 00:57:51.535 --> 00:57:53.502 I'm sorry. 1106 00:57:53.504 --> 00:57:55.571 I just made it-- i made it really weird here. 1107 00:57:55.573 --> 00:57:58.640 I'm-- i-- i feel really stupid. 1108 00:57:58.642 --> 00:58:00.843 -Oh, you feel really stupid? -Yeah, I'm sorry. 1109 00:58:00.845 --> 00:58:03.045 That's how you feel right now? 1110 00:58:03.047 --> 00:58:04.480 Fuck you, Chester. 1111 00:58:34.811 --> 00:58:39.515 Hey, it's Polly. 1112 00:58:39.517 --> 00:58:41.650 I'm coming to your orgy. 1113 00:58:50.026 --> 00:58:51.827 Happy orgy day! 1114 00:58:51.829 --> 00:58:54.963 -Shh. -Right? 1115 00:58:54.965 --> 00:58:58.567 -And Chester... -Yes. 1116 00:58:58.569 --> 00:59:00.002 Hey, everyone. Hi. 1117 00:59:02.071 --> 00:59:04.273 Polly, you look, you look really nice. 1118 00:59:04.275 --> 00:59:07.843 Oh, do I? 1119 00:59:07.845 --> 00:59:09.244 Well, let's get started, shall we? 1120 00:59:09.246 --> 00:59:10.679 I call Cassie. 1121 00:59:10.681 --> 00:59:12.714 What? No. 1122 00:59:12.716 --> 00:59:14.216 Oh, come on, I'm really in the mood to have sex 1123 00:59:14.218 --> 00:59:15.684 with someone I've never been with before. 1124 00:59:15.686 --> 00:59:18.020 She said "no," you know? 1125 00:59:18.022 --> 00:59:20.122 Why don't you just take another shot at Heather, there? 1126 00:59:20.124 --> 00:59:22.324 Hmm? 1127 00:59:22.326 --> 00:59:25.227 - What? 1128 00:59:25.229 --> 00:59:27.829 In high school I put his penis in my mouth a little. 1129 00:59:27.831 --> 00:59:31.133 -Oh, jeez. -She didn't say I have a small penis. 1130 00:59:31.135 --> 00:59:33.135 -No, she kind of did. -Okay. 1131 00:59:33.137 --> 00:59:35.170 So those two are out, and I'm not really into Polly? 1132 00:59:35.172 --> 00:59:36.805 What the shit? 1133 00:59:36.807 --> 00:59:38.807 Do you want to have sex with me? 1134 00:59:38.809 --> 00:59:40.208 I don't feel comfortable answering that question. 1135 00:59:40.210 --> 00:59:42.077 Thank you very much. So Cassie and I then. 1136 00:59:42.079 --> 00:59:46.615 Well, i-- I wanna have sex, uh, with Spencer. 1137 00:59:46.617 --> 00:59:48.951 Are you serious? 1138 00:59:48.953 --> 00:59:51.053 Spencer's gay. 1139 00:59:51.055 --> 00:59:52.821 You're the only one in town who actually thinks that. 1140 00:59:52.823 --> 00:59:55.691 Oh, seriously? Really? 1141 00:59:55.693 --> 00:59:57.693 What about that fruity real estate job you have? 1142 00:59:57.695 --> 00:59:59.161 What about your hair? The clothes? 1143 00:59:59.163 --> 01:00:02.030 -That awesome Cologne? -I don't wear Cologne. 1144 01:00:02.032 --> 01:00:03.198 That's just me. 1145 01:00:03.200 --> 01:00:06.068 Okay. 1146 01:00:06.070 --> 01:00:07.769 Cassie wants to have sex with Spencer. 1147 01:00:07.771 --> 01:00:09.371 Who else wants to have sex with Spencer? 1148 01:00:09.373 --> 01:00:12.341 Oh, for fucks sake. Who are you sleeping with then? 1149 01:00:12.343 --> 01:00:15.043 -Adam. -No, I don't think so. 1150 01:00:15.045 --> 01:00:16.378 Oh, guess what, Heather? 1151 01:00:16.380 --> 01:00:17.913 Cock-blocking isn't actually on the list 1152 01:00:17.915 --> 01:00:20.048 of things to do in an orgy. 1153 01:00:20.050 --> 01:00:22.651 So, why don't you let Adam decide who he'd like to stick it in. 1154 01:00:22.653 --> 01:00:24.786 Oh, okay. Um... 1155 01:00:24.788 --> 01:00:28.657 You know, you're all wonderful people, 1156 01:00:28.659 --> 01:00:30.659 and um... 1157 01:00:30.661 --> 01:00:33.996 -Polly would be-- -awkward. 1158 01:00:33.998 --> 01:00:36.698 -And weird. -Okay. 1159 01:00:36.700 --> 01:00:39.701 You know, Alice, i think my main concern with you is that 1160 01:00:39.703 --> 01:00:42.304 I wouldn't be able to meet your level of experience. 1161 01:00:42.306 --> 01:00:45.741 Go fuck yourself. 1162 01:00:45.743 --> 01:00:50.879 So I guess i choose Cassie. 1163 01:00:50.881 --> 01:00:52.414 Too late, i already called dibs on her. 1164 01:00:52.416 --> 01:00:55.283 Okay, stop it. I'm... I'm not participating 1165 01:00:55.285 --> 01:00:57.119 in anything where dibs take precedence. 1166 01:00:57.121 --> 01:00:59.655 Have sex with me, please. 1167 01:00:59.657 --> 01:01:02.958 -I said no. -God, you are such a hypocrite, Cassie. 1168 01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:05.260 You, you, you, you run off with your vagina 1169 01:01:05.262 --> 01:01:07.029 and your-- your... Sexy article things, 1170 01:01:07.031 --> 01:01:08.930 and then you have an issue sleeping with some 1171 01:01:08.932 --> 01:01:11.333 mildly-annoying person that you've known your entire life? 1172 01:01:11.335 --> 01:01:14.069 No, you do not get to be a prude, and the town slut, 1173 01:01:14.071 --> 01:01:16.371 you're having sex with Bruce, and that's that. 1174 01:01:16.373 --> 01:01:19.875 Jesus fucking Christ, Heather, she's not a slut, she's just a virgin. 1175 01:01:24.113 --> 01:01:27.416 Yeah... 1176 01:01:27.418 --> 01:01:29.751 Cassie's a virgin. 1177 01:01:29.753 --> 01:01:30.919 That would be rich. 1178 01:01:33.089 --> 01:01:37.325 But I everything that I know about sex is because of... 1179 01:01:37.327 --> 01:01:39.895 -Your column. -Yeah, me too. 1180 01:01:39.897 --> 01:01:43.799 This makes a lot of sense. 1181 01:01:43.801 --> 01:01:46.334 I'd like you all to leave now. 1182 01:01:46.336 --> 01:01:49.738 Okay. Okay, I'm sure this is extremely embarrassing for you, 1183 01:01:49.740 --> 01:01:53.975 but we've all been looking forward to this, so I think that we should-- 1184 01:01:53.977 --> 01:01:55.977 -get out. -We're having our carpets cleaned, 1185 01:01:55.979 --> 01:01:57.979 -there's nowhere else to go. -Get out! 1186 01:01:57.981 --> 01:02:01.183 -It's her house, you guys, just-- -shut up, Alice. 1187 01:02:01.185 --> 01:02:02.317 You get the fuck out first. 1188 01:02:17.834 --> 01:02:20.202 Alice. Hey, Alice. Alice, excuse me. 1189 01:02:20.204 --> 01:02:21.737 -Hey, hey, hey-- -don't. 1190 01:02:21.739 --> 01:02:23.071 What the fuck do you want, Bruce? 1191 01:02:23.073 --> 01:02:25.040 Hey, what the fuck were you doing in there? 1192 01:02:25.042 --> 01:02:26.408 You really ruined that for me in there. What're you doing? 1193 01:02:26.410 --> 01:02:28.410 I-- I could not give a Baker's fuck. 1194 01:02:28.412 --> 01:02:30.946 A Baker's fuck? What, 13 fucks-- what are you talking about? 1195 01:02:30.948 --> 01:02:35.951 -That's 13 fucks... -Do you have any idea how much I needed this? 1196 01:02:35.953 --> 01:02:38.954 First, you embarrass me by leaving me, 1197 01:02:38.956 --> 01:02:40.989 and then you rub it in my fucking face 1198 01:02:40.991 --> 01:02:42.858 by getting it on with every single yuy in town. 1199 01:02:42.860 --> 01:02:44.359 You know, you-- 1200 01:02:44.361 --> 01:02:46.061 -you're embarrassing. -I'm embarrassing? 1201 01:02:46.063 --> 01:02:48.230 -Yeah. -You're pathetic. 1202 01:02:48.232 --> 01:02:49.998 -You need to sign our divorce papers. -You want pathetic? 1203 01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:53.435 No. Not until you tell me why. 1204 01:02:53.437 --> 01:02:55.137 Really? Do you really not know why? 1205 01:02:55.139 --> 01:02:56.471 Because, if I recall, 1206 01:02:56.473 --> 01:02:58.173 you didn't touch me for like, a year. 1207 01:02:58.175 --> 01:03:00.876 And you're acting like a victim, in-- 1208 01:03:00.878 --> 01:03:03.845 -oh, what? 'Cause you're so innocent? -I had some sex. 1209 01:03:03.847 --> 01:03:06.014 -Some? -I may have over-compensated. 1210 01:03:06.016 --> 01:03:08.984 -Oh, yeah, you think? -You broke my heart! 1211 01:03:11.087 --> 01:03:12.821 My fucking heart! 1212 01:03:14.257 --> 01:03:15.390 Asshole. 1213 01:03:16.926 --> 01:03:18.927 Sign the fucking papers. 1214 01:03:18.929 --> 01:03:20.562 It's the least you could do. 1215 01:03:26.569 --> 01:03:29.571 So, I have been thinking about the orgy... 1216 01:03:29.573 --> 01:03:30.939 The orgy's cancelled. 1217 01:03:30.941 --> 01:03:33.041 No, I'm Heather Mitchell, 1218 01:03:33.043 --> 01:03:35.243 -no one cancels a social event on me. -Heather. 1219 01:03:35.245 --> 01:03:39.147 Honey, please, will you just forget about the orgy and come to bed. 1220 01:03:39.149 --> 01:03:42.350 Adam, I am trying to figure out a way to keep this orgy going. 1221 01:03:42.352 --> 01:03:44.853 The last thing i have time for right now is to have sex with you. 1222 01:03:44.855 --> 01:03:46.154 Why is it so important to you? 1223 01:03:46.156 --> 01:03:48.323 To us, it's important to us. 1224 01:03:48.325 --> 01:03:50.225 No, it isn't. 1225 01:03:50.227 --> 01:03:52.227 I thought we were trying to have a baby, that's the goal. 1226 01:03:52.229 --> 01:03:54.429 And that is exactly why the orgy is so important. 1227 01:03:54.431 --> 01:03:56.464 What are you talking about? 1228 01:04:00.136 --> 01:04:01.203 Okay... 1229 01:04:03.005 --> 01:04:06.107 Look, I, um... 1230 01:04:06.109 --> 01:04:07.843 What? 1231 01:04:07.845 --> 01:04:10.846 I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... 1232 01:04:10.848 --> 01:04:12.447 I had your sperm tested. 1233 01:04:14.917 --> 01:04:17.252 It's just we've been trying for a really long time, 1234 01:04:17.254 --> 01:04:19.454 and I got tested first, and everything was fine, 1235 01:04:19.456 --> 01:04:22.457 so, it was the next step. 1236 01:04:24.160 --> 01:04:25.327 What-- what do you mean? 1237 01:04:25.329 --> 01:04:26.494 I didn't give you any sperm. 1238 01:04:26.496 --> 01:04:27.863 How'd you get my sperm? 1239 01:04:29.498 --> 01:04:34.502 Well, when you make deposits, i make withdrawls. 1240 01:04:37.940 --> 01:04:39.107 You... 1241 01:04:42.478 --> 01:04:43.912 Oh, my god. 1242 01:04:43.914 --> 01:04:47.215 Uh... uh... 1243 01:04:47.217 --> 01:04:49.417 Okay. 1244 01:04:51.053 --> 01:04:52.520 And... 1245 01:04:52.522 --> 01:04:54.322 They said that you have the worst sperm 1246 01:04:54.324 --> 01:04:56.057 that they've ever seen. 1247 01:04:56.059 --> 01:04:57.425 We can get a second opinion. 1248 01:04:57.427 --> 01:04:59.027 I got five. 1249 01:05:03.200 --> 01:05:06.668 So you were using this orgy 1250 01:05:06.670 --> 01:05:08.904 as some sort of sperm bank? 1251 01:05:08.906 --> 01:05:10.505 That wasn't the original plan. 1252 01:05:10.507 --> 01:05:12.574 You wanted to get pregnant, and then... 1253 01:05:12.576 --> 01:05:15.143 Trick me into raising the child with you 1254 01:05:15.145 --> 01:05:16.678 with complete disregard for the fact 1255 01:05:16.680 --> 01:05:18.113 the kid would look nothing like me. 1256 01:05:18.115 --> 01:05:19.981 I have to be a mother, Adam. Okay? 1257 01:05:19.983 --> 01:05:21.116 I mean, I wouldn't have married you if i-- 1258 01:05:21.118 --> 01:05:22.951 please, go on. 1259 01:05:22.953 --> 01:05:27.122 Honey, I'm just... I'm being emotional. 1260 01:05:27.124 --> 01:05:31.593 Oh, I would hate for Heather Mitchell to ever have an emotion. 1261 01:05:31.595 --> 01:05:34.095 I had to learn to love you. 1262 01:05:37.333 --> 01:05:40.001 -That came out wrong. -Did it? 1263 01:05:44.640 --> 01:05:47.375 - Okay. 1264 01:06:32.288 --> 01:06:34.356 You kept the tape? 1265 01:06:34.358 --> 01:06:39.094 Uh, just getting rid of the rest of my old junk before I leave. 1266 01:06:40.696 --> 01:06:42.697 So you're, you're going? 1267 01:06:42.699 --> 01:06:45.400 Well, the whole town found out my deepest, darkest, secret. 1268 01:06:45.402 --> 01:06:48.269 So, yeah, I'm gonna go. 1269 01:06:48.271 --> 01:06:50.438 Everybody has bad days apparently. 1270 01:06:50.440 --> 01:06:52.774 And mine's gonna get even worse until I leave this shit-hole. 1271 01:06:52.776 --> 01:06:54.609 So, if you'll excuse me. 1272 01:06:54.611 --> 01:06:57.112 What if you don't leave? 1273 01:06:57.114 --> 01:07:00.448 Well, then I'll have to stay. 1274 01:07:00.450 --> 01:07:03.785 And everybody knows I'm a fraud and a virgin, 1275 01:07:03.787 --> 01:07:07.455 and I can't look anybody in the eye ever again. 1276 01:07:07.457 --> 01:07:10.125 You're looking me in the eye right now. 1277 01:07:12.261 --> 01:07:15.330 You know, I'm pretty good at it. 1278 01:07:15.332 --> 01:07:16.765 Uh-huh. 1279 01:07:19.369 --> 01:07:22.804 Look, um. 1280 01:07:22.806 --> 01:07:24.806 Cassie, when you left town the first time 1281 01:07:24.808 --> 01:07:29.177 it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. 1282 01:07:29.179 --> 01:07:32.180 I've never forgotten about you. I think about you all the time. 1283 01:07:32.182 --> 01:07:33.681 I mean, the only reason that I'm-- 1284 01:07:33.683 --> 01:07:35.283 the only reason i married Heather, 1285 01:07:35.285 --> 01:07:38.553 is, uh-- you know, i get it, okay? 1286 01:07:38.555 --> 01:07:40.221 I get it. You-- you had to do what you had to do. 1287 01:07:40.223 --> 01:07:41.556 You had to get out of town, 1288 01:07:41.558 --> 01:07:43.691 you had to leave us all behind. 1289 01:07:43.693 --> 01:07:46.694 You had to just go do your own thing and that's fine, okay? 1290 01:07:46.696 --> 01:07:48.396 I forgive you. 1291 01:07:50.699 --> 01:07:52.500 You forgive me? 1292 01:07:52.502 --> 01:07:55.503 Yeah. Yes, I forgive you. 1293 01:07:56.772 --> 01:07:58.773 You forgive me? 1294 01:07:58.775 --> 01:08:01.376 Do you have no idea why I didn't leave town 1295 01:08:01.378 --> 01:08:04.112 the second after that funeral? 1296 01:08:04.114 --> 01:08:06.181 It's because I thought you and your idiot friends 1297 01:08:06.183 --> 01:08:10.251 would be good material for a book, but you're not. 1298 01:08:10.253 --> 01:08:14.389 You're just a bunch of sad, boring, bumpkins, who were born here, 1299 01:08:14.391 --> 01:08:15.824 and will die here 1300 01:08:15.826 --> 01:08:17.859 and accomplish nothing inbetween. 1301 01:08:25.501 --> 01:08:28.403 Does becoming a bitch count as an accomplishment? 1302 01:08:28.405 --> 01:08:32.474 Please leave. I have packing to do. 1303 01:08:32.476 --> 01:08:33.608 Yeah, I'm going thank you. 1304 01:08:49.825 --> 01:08:53.161 -Tada! -What's that for? 1305 01:08:53.163 --> 01:08:55.163 -It's for you. -It's just weird. 1306 01:08:55.165 --> 01:08:57.332 You've never done that before. So... 1307 01:08:57.334 --> 01:08:59.634 Yeah, I thought it would be nice. 1308 01:08:59.636 --> 01:09:03.138 Okay. You know you don't owe me anything, right? 1309 01:09:03.140 --> 01:09:05.140 That I'm not some, like, little girl, 1310 01:09:05.142 --> 01:09:06.908 whose feelings have been hurt? 1311 01:09:09.278 --> 01:09:11.446 Relax, okay? It was... 1312 01:09:11.448 --> 01:09:13.615 It's just a muffin, okay? It's not even a good one. 1313 01:09:13.617 --> 01:09:15.383 I gave you the one that I dropped. 1314 01:09:19.755 --> 01:09:22.490 I put my notice in. 1315 01:09:23.726 --> 01:09:25.527 What? What are you talking about? 1316 01:09:25.529 --> 01:09:27.395 This town sucks, it's always sucked. 1317 01:09:27.397 --> 01:09:29.797 So... I am out of here. 1318 01:09:29.799 --> 01:09:32.267 I don't want to become like my cousin Heather. 1319 01:09:32.269 --> 01:09:34.636 You know, just settle for somebody just because they're there. 1320 01:09:34.638 --> 01:09:37.505 You should do the same. 1321 01:09:37.507 --> 01:09:39.174 Or not, I don't know. 1322 01:09:41.810 --> 01:09:43.811 It's not really fair for me to say it, I guess. 1323 01:09:43.813 --> 01:09:46.848 You do you. 1324 01:09:46.850 --> 01:09:49.817 All I know is that leaving here scares the shit out of me, 1325 01:09:49.819 --> 01:09:52.187 and if you're scared of something, it's worth doing. 1326 01:09:52.189 --> 01:09:55.223 So, I am gonna do that. 1327 01:09:55.225 --> 01:09:58.493 Anyway, thank you for the dropped muffin. 1328 01:10:14.678 --> 01:10:17.579 Jay macmaster and his wife are gonna be delayed. 1329 01:10:17.581 --> 01:10:19.681 You're gonna have to get over this. 1330 01:10:19.683 --> 01:10:21.783 I feel like there's a hole inside of me, man. 1331 01:10:21.785 --> 01:10:26.654 Could I be perfectly frank with you right now? 1332 01:10:26.656 --> 01:10:28.756 -Of course. -Stop being such a little bitch 1333 01:10:28.758 --> 01:10:31.259 and do what you want. 1334 01:10:31.261 --> 01:10:34.462 I want to have the orgy. 1335 01:10:34.464 --> 01:10:38.366 -So, have the orgy. -I can't. 1336 01:10:38.368 --> 01:10:40.969 Cassie kicked everyone out. 1337 01:10:40.971 --> 01:10:43.338 So, how does that stop you? 1338 01:10:45.841 --> 01:10:47.942 If you have it, though, i wanna come. 1339 01:10:47.944 --> 01:10:49.978 No, you're not getting the commission on my house. 1340 01:10:49.980 --> 01:10:54.415 That's fine. I'm making a killing in this town. 1341 01:10:54.417 --> 01:10:57.418 Oh, god, if I didn't want to be you, I would hate you so much. 1342 01:10:57.420 --> 01:10:59.821 -What was that? -What? Nothing, I didn't-- 1343 01:10:59.823 --> 01:11:02.457 did you... 1344 01:11:02.459 --> 01:11:04.659 Okay. 1345 01:11:11.867 --> 01:11:13.401 Jesus Christ. 1346 01:11:13.403 --> 01:11:14.802 I want to rent my own apartment. 1347 01:11:14.804 --> 01:11:17.272 Well, I'm a bit busy right now, okay, Seth? 1348 01:11:17.274 --> 01:11:19.474 I have to move out now before my mom gets back to town, or she won't let me. 1349 01:11:19.476 --> 01:11:21.643 Whatever. 1350 01:11:21.645 --> 01:11:25.513 But you're in that house right now all by yourself? 1351 01:11:25.515 --> 01:11:27.482 Yeah, she gets back next week. 1352 01:11:27.484 --> 01:11:29.951 Do you want to have a party, Seth? 1353 01:11:29.953 --> 01:11:33.321 Why, so, so no one will show up? 1354 01:11:33.323 --> 01:11:35.990 -No thanks. -No, no, people will show up. I can promise you that. 1355 01:11:35.992 --> 01:11:39.894 -Like, girls? -Girls, totally. Tons of girls. 1356 01:11:39.896 --> 01:11:41.863 -Do they like videogames? -Yeah, yeah. They love videogames. 1357 01:11:41.865 --> 01:11:44.032 -Any thing you want, yeah. -Are they Japanese? 1358 01:11:44.034 --> 01:11:46.734 Sure, yeah. Yeah, Japanese girls, yeah, totally. 1359 01:11:46.736 --> 01:11:48.436 -Chinese girls. -No. 1360 01:11:48.438 --> 01:11:50.972 -Okay. -No Chinese. 1361 01:11:50.974 --> 01:11:53.641 Yeah, okay, no, no Chinese girls. 1362 01:11:57.946 --> 01:12:01.649 -Hey. -Bruce. 1363 01:12:01.651 --> 01:12:05.386 So, you still wanna do this thing? 1364 01:12:05.388 --> 01:12:06.888 Great okay, cool. 1365 01:12:06.890 --> 01:12:09.390 Maybe, maybe lose the pajamas, get more cleavage, 1366 01:12:09.392 --> 01:12:10.758 like, sexy, cleavage. 1367 01:12:12.027 --> 01:12:13.428 Like, right now. 1368 01:12:16.565 --> 01:12:19.634 Hi, so I think we found a way to keep the orgy going. 1369 01:12:19.636 --> 01:12:23.638 - I don't know. 1370 01:12:23.640 --> 01:12:26.107 Vintage vinyl, all sale's final. This is Chester. 1371 01:12:26.109 --> 01:12:28.443 It's back on. Seth's place. 1372 01:12:28.445 --> 01:12:31.112 -Tonight. -Ding-dong. 1373 01:12:31.114 --> 01:12:33.581 Ding, ding, I'll be there. 1374 01:12:33.583 --> 01:12:35.883 Good afternoon, mayor. 1375 01:12:35.885 --> 01:12:37.785 Nice to see you, Heather. 1376 01:12:37.787 --> 01:12:39.787 So, there's no delicate way to put this, 1377 01:12:39.789 --> 01:12:41.489 so I'm just gonna come right out with it. 1378 01:12:41.491 --> 01:12:43.057 We're having an orgy this evening, 1379 01:12:43.059 --> 01:12:44.726 and we could use some additional pensises, 1380 01:12:44.728 --> 01:12:46.861 if you would care to attend? 1381 01:12:46.863 --> 01:12:48.396 Oh, absolutely. 1382 01:12:48.398 --> 01:12:50.732 Do you guys have your own anal beads, or... 1383 01:12:50.734 --> 01:12:53.568 Is this more of a byoab kind of thing? 1384 01:13:05.648 --> 01:13:08.716 So, where shall we fornicate, Bruce? 1385 01:13:15.991 --> 01:13:18.059 Yeah! 1386 01:13:49.925 --> 01:13:51.859 -Cocktail? -No, no thanks. 1387 01:13:51.861 --> 01:13:53.528 Boys? 1388 01:13:59.635 --> 01:14:01.602 There's my guy. 1389 01:14:01.604 --> 01:14:02.970 -Hey -hey. 1390 01:14:02.972 --> 01:14:05.473 I'm so glad that you could make it. 1391 01:14:05.475 --> 01:14:06.808 I'm really glad i could come. 1392 01:14:06.810 --> 01:14:08.443 I'm even happier when you do. 1393 01:14:08.445 --> 01:14:09.777 --Are you okay? 1394 01:14:09.779 --> 01:14:10.845 -Got a little... -Yeah, I'm good. 1395 01:14:13.449 --> 01:14:15.550 Why is my living room like a whore dungeon? 1396 01:14:15.552 --> 01:14:18.653 What are you guys doing with my mom's pashminas? 1397 01:14:18.655 --> 01:14:21.189 -She loves those. -For the orgy. 1398 01:14:21.191 --> 01:14:23.558 What orgy? This is a party. 1399 01:14:23.560 --> 01:14:25.059 Yeah, yeah, it's a party. 1400 01:14:25.061 --> 01:14:26.594 It's a party for your penis, bro. 1401 01:14:26.596 --> 01:14:28.596 I don't want a penis party for my penis. 1402 01:14:28.598 --> 01:14:31.232 I want a party party for me. 1403 01:14:33.769 --> 01:14:35.102 Hey, where you going? 1404 01:14:35.104 --> 01:14:37.538 I'm gonna go play some video games. 1405 01:14:37.540 --> 01:14:39.540 Does anybody want to play with me? 1406 01:14:39.542 --> 01:14:41.876 No, maybe later, man. Maybe later. 1407 01:14:58.627 --> 01:15:01.996 So, do you wanna go somewhere? 1408 01:15:05.268 --> 01:15:08.503 It doesn't bother me at all that you ejaculated quickly. 1409 01:15:08.505 --> 01:15:12.573 That is a sign of a man who has his priorities straight. 1410 01:15:12.575 --> 01:15:13.941 But there is something else that... 1411 01:15:13.943 --> 01:15:17.278 Why don't you finish that drink? 1412 01:15:17.280 --> 01:15:20.147 -For you... -Yeah? 1413 01:15:20.149 --> 01:15:21.616 That might tickle your fantasy... 1414 01:15:21.618 --> 01:15:25.853 Oh, and there it is. Okay. 1415 01:15:25.855 --> 01:15:27.889 Polly, can i-- can I talk to you, please? 1416 01:15:27.891 --> 01:15:29.857 Guess what? I want you to know that I think that you're kind of... 1417 01:15:29.859 --> 01:15:32.026 We're sort of in the middle of something here, sport. 1418 01:15:32.028 --> 01:15:34.762 Uh, yeah, give me a second, okay, Spencer? 1419 01:15:34.764 --> 01:15:39.000 I just want you to know that i think you're really beautiful. 1420 01:15:39.002 --> 01:15:42.837 And that I just-- I think you're fucking amazing. 1421 01:15:42.839 --> 01:15:46.073 I-- I screwed up the other night, okay? 1422 01:15:46.075 --> 01:15:47.875 It's fine. You know what, Chester, 1423 01:15:47.877 --> 01:15:49.577 it was, it really was nothing. 1424 01:15:49.579 --> 01:15:53.781 No. It's not fine. Okay, and it wasn't nothing. 1425 01:15:53.783 --> 01:15:55.917 And you weren't bored. 1426 01:15:55.919 --> 01:15:59.220 This is worth doing. 1427 01:15:59.222 --> 01:16:03.057 Yeah? How do you know? 1428 01:16:03.059 --> 01:16:05.626 'Cause I'm scared shitless. 1429 01:16:08.063 --> 01:16:12.833 Whoa, I declare this orgy officially... 1430 01:16:12.835 --> 01:16:15.136 Begun! Yeah! 1431 01:16:20.809 --> 01:16:22.910 -Adam. -Do you know where Cassie is? 1432 01:16:22.912 --> 01:16:25.813 -No. -I think she left town. 1433 01:16:25.815 --> 01:16:28.215 -Without saying, goodbye? -Wouldn't she? 1434 01:16:28.217 --> 01:16:30.985 Bitch. 1435 01:16:30.987 --> 01:16:33.154 Guess you don't want to go to Seth's either? 1436 01:16:33.156 --> 01:16:34.589 What at-- I was at Seth's. 1437 01:16:34.591 --> 01:16:36.090 What do you think? 1438 01:16:36.092 --> 01:16:38.259 Really? 1439 01:16:38.261 --> 01:16:40.628 Heather was the one that told me... 1440 01:16:40.630 --> 01:16:41.963 How do you not know about this? 1441 01:16:46.835 --> 01:16:48.836 I want you inside of me right now. 1442 01:16:52.674 --> 01:16:54.675 -Come here. -Things are progressing nicely. 1443 01:16:57.279 --> 01:16:59.814 Oh, this is my cue. 1444 01:16:59.816 --> 01:17:02.283 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, yeah, 1445 01:17:02.285 --> 01:17:06.187 take this off. Yeah, just, yeah, yeah, whatever. 1446 01:17:06.189 --> 01:17:08.289 Yeah, now we're better. 1447 01:17:09.859 --> 01:17:11.659 Yeah. 1448 01:17:13.929 --> 01:17:16.631 Come on, guys. Come on, let's ease up on the kissing. 1449 01:17:16.633 --> 01:17:18.833 Come on, guys, let's use our mouths 1450 01:17:18.835 --> 01:17:20.334 for the greater good here. 1451 01:17:20.336 --> 01:17:22.370 Bruce. 1452 01:17:22.372 --> 01:17:23.804 Oh, yeah. 1453 01:17:23.806 --> 01:17:26.140 -Oh, yeah. -Bruce! 1454 01:17:26.142 --> 01:17:28.809 What? What? It's a goddamn fucking orgy. 1455 01:17:28.811 --> 01:17:30.711 If you've got a hole and you're not using it, then you're being selfish. 1456 01:17:30.713 --> 01:17:32.046 Clearly, they're having a moment. 1457 01:17:32.048 --> 01:17:34.081 Well if they're having a fucking moment, 1458 01:17:34.083 --> 01:17:35.950 then they should take this fucking romantic moment to a room. 1459 01:17:35.952 --> 01:17:37.952 Yeah, come on. Room. Room. 1460 01:17:37.954 --> 01:17:39.687 No, no, I didn't mean it. I didn't actually-- 1461 01:17:39.689 --> 01:17:40.988 I was just just saying it! I was just just saying it, 1462 01:17:40.990 --> 01:17:41.989 like, in the heat of the moment. 1463 01:17:41.991 --> 01:17:43.357 It wasn't sexy-- ow, fuck! 1464 01:17:52.768 --> 01:17:55.269 -Hello? -Hey. 1465 01:17:55.271 --> 01:17:57.204 You left without saying, "goodbye"? 1466 01:17:57.206 --> 01:17:59.273 Fuck you, Judas. 1467 01:17:59.275 --> 01:18:02.109 Are you kidding? I saved you. 1468 01:18:02.111 --> 01:18:05.046 From losing your virginity to fucking Bruce. 1469 01:18:05.048 --> 01:18:08.049 You would really, really want to hold that against me? 1470 01:18:08.051 --> 01:18:10.051 I trusted you with that. 1471 01:18:10.053 --> 01:18:12.053 You know how hard it is for me to trust people? 1472 01:18:12.055 --> 01:18:14.455 Yeah, sorry. You should just get the fuck over it. 1473 01:18:14.457 --> 01:18:17.458 -When did you leave? -Just now. 1474 01:18:17.460 --> 01:18:19.427 Okay, come back. 1475 01:18:19.429 --> 01:18:21.796 I can't. I'm on the lam. 1476 01:18:21.798 --> 01:18:23.464 The book people are gonna come after me. 1477 01:18:23.466 --> 01:18:25.332 My career's over, life's over-- 1478 01:18:25.334 --> 01:18:27.835 why don't you just write a book? 1479 01:18:27.837 --> 01:18:29.370 Yeah, what am I supposed to write about? 1480 01:18:29.372 --> 01:18:32.707 A-- a virgin who plans an orgy for a bunch of prudes? 1481 01:18:32.709 --> 01:18:34.041 And then out myself 1482 01:18:34.043 --> 01:18:36.177 to the entire world in the process? 1483 01:18:38.046 --> 01:18:40.314 That's not bad, actually. 1484 01:18:40.316 --> 01:18:43.117 You said your careers over anyway, so it saves you 1485 01:18:43.119 --> 01:18:45.352 from having to remember a bunch of bullshit lies 1486 01:18:45.354 --> 01:18:46.487 all the time. 1487 01:18:48.056 --> 01:18:50.057 These people don't want me here. 1488 01:18:50.059 --> 01:18:52.226 Adam just came looking for you. 1489 01:18:52.228 --> 01:18:54.195 Yeah, I saw him last night. 1490 01:18:54.197 --> 01:18:58.899 You did? So, you know about him and Heather? 1491 01:18:58.901 --> 01:19:01.402 What about him and Heather? 1492 01:19:08.043 --> 01:19:09.510 Stop the orgy! 1493 01:19:28.063 --> 01:19:30.131 Heather? 1494 01:19:30.133 --> 01:19:33.968 -Do you have something you want to say? -No. 1495 01:19:33.970 --> 01:19:36.303 How nice of you to join us. 1496 01:19:36.305 --> 01:19:37.805 Are you gonna tell them, or should I? 1497 01:19:39.508 --> 01:19:41.108 What's going on, here? 1498 01:19:41.110 --> 01:19:42.943 My money's on gonorrhea. 1499 01:19:42.945 --> 01:19:46.113 Gentlemen, the uh, the only reason 1500 01:19:46.115 --> 01:19:49.383 that Heather wants to sleep with you, 1501 01:19:49.385 --> 01:19:51.886 the only reason that this whole thing is happening in the first place, 1502 01:19:51.888 --> 01:19:54.221 is because Heather Murray, 1503 01:19:54.223 --> 01:19:56.891 is trying to get pregnant. 1504 01:19:56.893 --> 01:19:59.560 And she doesn't want your DNA in the mix. Yeah, I get that. 1505 01:19:59.562 --> 01:20:02.096 No, not-- that's not what I'm saying. 1506 01:20:02.098 --> 01:20:05.566 First of all, i have dead sperm, apparently, okay? 1507 01:20:05.568 --> 01:20:08.102 That's not-- the point is, this whole thing 1508 01:20:08.104 --> 01:20:09.837 is based on a lie. All right? 1509 01:20:09.839 --> 01:20:13.007 And Cassie who we slut-shamed out of town years ago, 1510 01:20:13.009 --> 01:20:15.342 now, she's leaving town again because she's a virgin? 1511 01:20:15.344 --> 01:20:17.344 Huh? How does that make sense? 1512 01:20:17.346 --> 01:20:19.880 And, and what, we're doing this to prove that we're not prudes? 1513 01:20:19.882 --> 01:20:22.550 You know what? I'm a prude, okay? I am. 1514 01:20:22.552 --> 01:20:24.251 I don't-- I don't wanna have sex in front of anybody. 1515 01:20:24.253 --> 01:20:26.120 I want it to be me and one other person. 1516 01:20:26.122 --> 01:20:29.423 Nobody watching, no-- no toys, no lubes. 1517 01:20:29.425 --> 01:20:32.193 Just vanilla. That's me, I'm vanilla. 1518 01:20:32.195 --> 01:20:34.195 As for the rest of you-- i mean I don't even know 1519 01:20:34.197 --> 01:20:36.897 how you could have sex in front of-- look at this. 1520 01:20:36.899 --> 01:20:39.233 You know how much confidence it takes to lay naked like that on somebody's couch? 1521 01:20:39.235 --> 01:20:41.602 -You ever been in this house before? -Yeah, never. 1522 01:20:41.604 --> 01:20:44.138 And yet it's like he lives here. 1523 01:20:44.140 --> 01:20:47.508 Good for you. But you know what? Be yourself, all right? 1524 01:20:47.510 --> 01:20:49.510 Everybody just be themselves and be honest. 1525 01:20:49.512 --> 01:20:51.879 Is this all true, Heather? 1526 01:20:51.881 --> 01:20:54.381 You want us to impregnate you? 1527 01:20:54.383 --> 01:20:56.483 Nobody ever has to know. 1528 01:20:58.054 --> 01:21:01.121 All I've ever wanted was to be a mother. 1529 01:21:01.123 --> 01:21:04.458 And they say that it takes a village to raise a child-- 1530 01:21:04.460 --> 01:21:08.963 -I'm down with it, shh-sh... -Me too. 1531 01:21:08.965 --> 01:21:11.966 Would we have to help raise the kid? 1532 01:21:11.968 --> 01:21:13.634 No I just need your sperm. 1533 01:21:14.870 --> 01:21:15.636 Don't care. 1534 01:21:17.606 --> 01:21:20.307 Do that you gotta do. 1535 01:21:20.309 --> 01:21:22.977 But I'm... I'm out. 1536 01:21:29.484 --> 01:21:31.018 -So, who's first? -Me. 1537 01:21:31.020 --> 01:21:33.187 -How about you go third? -What? Oh, come on! 1538 01:21:33.189 --> 01:21:35.022 Gus is gonna go before me? 1539 01:21:35.024 --> 01:21:36.657 You don't want to have a samoan baby. 1540 01:21:36.659 --> 01:21:40.160 How is it that no one in this town knows what I am? 1541 01:21:40.162 --> 01:21:42.329 -I'm Indian. -No, you're not. 1542 01:21:42.331 --> 01:21:44.999 Dot, not feather. 1543 01:21:45.001 --> 01:21:47.668 Actually, you people make really beautiful mixed babies. 1544 01:21:47.670 --> 01:21:49.370 -I'm first. -Okay. 1545 01:21:49.372 --> 01:21:51.205 Oh, okay. All right, yes. 1546 01:21:51.207 --> 01:21:54.208 Here we go, let's do this. Let's do this, here we go-- 1547 01:21:54.210 --> 01:21:57.244 -what? -Nothing, I thought you'd be smaller. 1548 01:22:29.345 --> 01:22:31.345 How do you do that? 1549 01:22:31.347 --> 01:22:34.315 Your tongue, it's like an olympic athlete. 1550 01:22:37.018 --> 01:22:39.687 I'm gonna give you this ice cream on a cone. 1551 01:22:39.689 --> 01:22:43.357 And what flavor am I? 1552 01:22:43.359 --> 01:22:45.359 Tiger tale. 1553 01:22:45.361 --> 01:22:49.029 No, tiger tale is disgusting. 1554 01:22:49.031 --> 01:22:51.031 Do my lady bits taste like black licorice? 1555 01:22:51.033 --> 01:22:53.267 I love black licorice. 1556 01:23:20.628 --> 01:23:22.329 Oh, god. 1557 01:23:27.302 --> 01:23:29.303 Cassie. 1558 01:23:29.305 --> 01:23:33.307 Oh my god, I'm so glad you came back. 1559 01:23:35.343 --> 01:23:37.344 There's so much stuff i wanna say about last night, 1560 01:23:37.346 --> 01:23:40.347 I shouldn't have-- okay... 1561 01:23:40.349 --> 01:23:43.584 -If you wanna talk first, that's fine, too. -Fuck you. 1562 01:23:43.586 --> 01:23:47.187 God, I've been wanting to do that for so long. 1563 01:23:47.189 --> 01:23:49.556 I mean, if this is part of some sort of, uh, big-city foreplay 1564 01:23:49.558 --> 01:23:51.091 I'm-- you're gonna have to walk me through. 1565 01:24:09.344 --> 01:24:11.412 There's a musk. 1566 01:24:49.084 --> 01:24:51.251 So, have you fucked anyone, yet? 1567 01:24:51.253 --> 01:24:54.488 -No. -Okay. 1568 01:24:54.490 --> 01:24:58.826 Well, where should we do this? 1569 01:24:58.828 --> 01:25:00.561 Do what? 1570 01:25:00.563 --> 01:25:03.130 The sex. We're going to bang. 1571 01:25:03.132 --> 01:25:05.432 That's okay. 1572 01:25:08.303 --> 01:25:13.173 I'm offering you farm-fresh, free range, 1573 01:25:13.175 --> 01:25:15.709 grade a pussy here. 1574 01:25:15.711 --> 01:25:18.579 Yeah, you don't have to do that. I'm fine. 1575 01:25:18.581 --> 01:25:21.815 Fine? What-- what is this? What is this? 1576 01:25:21.817 --> 01:25:25.185 What's your deal? Are you not attracted to me? 1577 01:25:29.624 --> 01:25:31.225 You're okay. 1578 01:25:34.729 --> 01:25:37.431 I'm sorry, what sort of bar 1579 01:25:37.433 --> 01:25:39.700 are we comparing me to, porn stars? 1580 01:25:39.702 --> 01:25:43.137 -Mostly, yeah. -Mm-hmm. 1581 01:25:43.139 --> 01:25:45.572 I hate to tell you this, sweetie, but, 1582 01:25:45.574 --> 01:25:49.910 those women aren't actually real. 1583 01:25:49.912 --> 01:25:51.879 What's so real about you? 1584 01:25:55.283 --> 01:25:57.317 That's it. It's on. 1585 01:25:57.319 --> 01:25:59.720 - Oh, fuck. This is so nice. 1586 01:25:59.722 --> 01:26:02.756 -This is just so nice. -Oh, I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it. 1587 01:26:02.758 --> 01:26:06.326 -Not gonna make it. -Okay. Okay, 218 x 4 million. 1588 01:26:06.328 --> 01:26:07.861 What? I don't understand that. 1589 01:26:07.863 --> 01:26:09.730 -Just focus. Add. -Focus on what? 1590 01:26:19.641 --> 01:26:21.775 You know what my dad used to say, 1591 01:26:21.777 --> 01:26:24.211 "life gives you lemons, you make lemonade." 1592 01:26:24.213 --> 01:26:26.480 Absolutely, bro. 1593 01:26:26.482 --> 01:26:28.348 A whole jug of it. 1594 01:26:30.385 --> 01:26:33.520 -So, that's that, then. -Yeah, that's that. 1595 01:26:33.522 --> 01:26:38.225 --That's-- what's what? 1596 01:26:38.227 --> 01:26:40.194 Let's make some lemonade. 1597 01:26:42.664 --> 01:26:46.567 Yeah, absolutely. Sure. 1598 01:26:46.569 --> 01:26:50.971 So, what-- what's happening? 1599 01:26:50.973 --> 01:26:53.907 If you got a hole, and you're not using it... 1600 01:27:20.635 --> 01:27:24.972 -Does that hurt? -The piercing, no. 1601 01:27:24.974 --> 01:27:26.740 It's good. 1602 01:27:26.742 --> 01:27:27.941 You sure it doesn't hurt? 1603 01:27:27.943 --> 01:27:33.380 -Mm-hmm. Whoa! -Oh, ah! 1604 01:27:33.382 --> 01:27:36.917 -Can we just play video games now? -Yeah, absolutely, we can. 1605 01:27:41.590 --> 01:27:44.324 How is it? 1606 01:27:45.995 --> 01:27:48.562 Well, the stinging has subsided, 1607 01:27:48.564 --> 01:27:51.365 so that's something. 1608 01:27:51.367 --> 01:27:54.001 I'm sorry. 1609 01:27:54.003 --> 01:27:56.536 I just really had to hurt you. 1610 01:27:56.538 --> 01:28:00.407 Oh. Well, mission accomplished. 1611 01:28:03.444 --> 01:28:05.045 Do you know why I was afraid 1612 01:28:05.047 --> 01:28:06.780 to come back here? 1613 01:28:09.517 --> 01:28:13.453 Because I didn't want to see you happy. 1614 01:28:15.590 --> 01:28:17.924 Well, you sure fixed your wish with that one. 1615 01:28:21.896 --> 01:28:24.364 What about you? 1616 01:28:24.366 --> 01:28:26.300 Are you happy? 1617 01:28:27.335 --> 01:28:30.637 I'm tired. 1618 01:28:30.639 --> 01:28:31.838 All that stuff i said last night 1619 01:28:31.840 --> 01:28:33.840 about forgiving you, that was shitty. 1620 01:28:35.510 --> 01:28:36.843 It's not your fault 1621 01:28:36.845 --> 01:28:38.578 that I married Heather, or I stayed in town, 1622 01:28:38.580 --> 01:28:41.315 it's got nothing to do with you. 1623 01:28:44.652 --> 01:28:46.520 I'm the reason that nothing happened 1624 01:28:46.522 --> 01:28:48.622 between us. 1625 01:28:50.692 --> 01:28:53.994 I guess I should be asking you for forgiveness. 1626 01:28:55.029 --> 01:28:56.663 So... 1627 01:28:57.732 --> 01:28:59.466 I'm sorry. 1628 01:29:01.369 --> 01:29:03.537 That's what I was gonna say before you... 1629 01:29:03.539 --> 01:29:05.939 Slapped me in the face and kneed me in the balls. 1630 01:29:05.941 --> 01:29:10.043 I'm sorry, for, um... 1631 01:29:10.045 --> 01:29:11.511 All of it. 1632 01:29:15.683 --> 01:29:17.751 How's your balls? 1633 01:29:17.753 --> 01:29:21.355 Mmm. Still intact, I guess. 1634 01:29:21.357 --> 01:29:24.858 It's not like I'm gonna be using them for anything. 1635 01:29:24.860 --> 01:29:25.926 Ever. 1636 01:29:28.896 --> 01:29:30.130 Can I see? 1637 01:29:32.033 --> 01:29:35.602 It's not really my best feature. 1638 01:29:35.604 --> 01:29:37.904 Oh. 1639 01:29:40.074 --> 01:29:44.678 You know, it doesn't feel that useless to me. 1640 01:29:47.382 --> 01:29:49.783 Cassie, I... 1641 01:29:49.785 --> 01:29:50.951 Yeah? 1642 01:30:15.877 --> 01:30:17.644 Did you get some lube? 1643 01:30:17.646 --> 01:30:19.045 All I could find was some apple butter. 1644 01:30:19.047 --> 01:30:20.814 Yeah, sure, fine. Fuck it. Whatever. 1645 01:30:20.816 --> 01:30:22.149 --We don't have to do this. 1646 01:30:22.151 --> 01:30:24.017 No, we're gonna do this, come on, come on. 1647 01:30:24.019 --> 01:30:25.919 -Let's just do this, all right? -Yup. Here we go. 1648 01:30:25.921 --> 01:30:27.554 Oh, whoa, hey, what are you doing there, 1649 01:30:27.556 --> 01:30:29.756 -captain? -You need to be erect. 1650 01:30:29.758 --> 01:30:32.959 I can get myself erect, thank you very much. 1651 01:30:32.961 --> 01:30:35.095 -Be my guest. Mm-hmm. -Yeah, watch this. 1652 01:30:35.097 --> 01:30:36.897 Geez. 1653 01:30:36.899 --> 01:30:38.165 Oh, look at that. 1654 01:30:38.167 --> 01:30:40.567 --Oh, fuck. 1655 01:30:40.569 --> 01:30:43.970 Uh, Auschwitz. Uh, uh, dachau, dachau. 1656 01:30:43.972 --> 01:30:47.908 -Uh, bergen-belsen. Uh, terezin. Uh-- -wait, what? 1657 01:30:47.910 --> 01:30:49.876 - What are you saying? What? -Those are 1658 01:30:49.878 --> 01:30:52.579 ...concentration camps. From the holocaust. 1659 01:30:54.148 --> 01:30:57.050 Why? Is that too dark? Too much? 1660 01:30:57.052 --> 01:30:59.519 -Yeah, it's a little much. -Okay. 1661 01:31:02.690 --> 01:31:04.958 What is the appeal, here? 1662 01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:07.828 I mean, you just die and then you do it all over again. 1663 01:31:07.830 --> 01:31:08.962 Yeah. 1664 01:31:08.964 --> 01:31:10.797 That's what I like about it. 1665 01:31:10.799 --> 01:31:11.965 When Mario dies, 1666 01:31:11.967 --> 01:31:13.567 he doesn't rage against the world, 1667 01:31:13.569 --> 01:31:16.036 he just picks himself up, 1668 01:31:16.038 --> 01:31:18.171 goes back to the start and tries again, 1669 01:31:18.173 --> 01:31:22.008 until he figures out how to save the Princess. 1670 01:31:27.882 --> 01:31:29.516 Seth? 1671 01:31:31.652 --> 01:31:33.753 What's your plan? 1672 01:31:33.755 --> 01:31:36.490 I mean, you can't really just stay in your mother's basement 1673 01:31:36.492 --> 01:31:39.726 and play video games for the rest of your life. 1674 01:31:39.728 --> 01:31:41.528 What other life am I gonna have? 1675 01:31:41.530 --> 01:31:43.096 I'm the town loser. 1676 01:31:43.098 --> 01:31:46.733 Well, to the town, yeah. 1677 01:31:46.735 --> 01:31:49.536 But, who are you to you? 1678 01:31:49.538 --> 01:31:50.804 I mean, they all see Clark Kent 1679 01:31:50.806 --> 01:31:52.739 but... 1680 01:31:52.741 --> 01:31:54.074 I'm pretty sure there's a Kal-El 1681 01:31:54.076 --> 01:31:55.709 hiding in there somewhere. 1682 01:31:58.913 --> 01:32:00.647 I'm ready to have sex with you now. 1683 01:32:06.255 --> 01:32:08.054 It's not so squishy this time. 1684 01:32:08.056 --> 01:32:10.724 Yeah. 1685 01:32:10.726 --> 01:32:12.158 Adam? 1686 01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:13.727 Yes? 1687 01:32:13.729 --> 01:32:15.962 Adam Mitchell? 1688 01:32:15.964 --> 01:32:18.899 Uh-huh? 1689 01:32:18.901 --> 01:32:21.067 I think of you fondly. 1690 01:32:24.071 --> 01:32:25.805 I am... 1691 01:32:25.807 --> 01:32:27.741 Quite fond of you as well. 1692 01:32:30.979 --> 01:32:33.079 Oh, thank you. 1693 01:32:33.081 --> 01:32:34.314 You're welcome. 1694 01:32:34.316 --> 01:32:35.615 Oh, thank you. 1695 01:32:35.617 --> 01:32:38.818 Don't mention it. 1696 01:32:38.820 --> 01:32:40.086 Okay. 1697 01:32:41.856 --> 01:32:45.191 Okay, you just... 1698 01:32:45.193 --> 01:32:47.127 You're over thinking it. Just do it. 1699 01:32:47.129 --> 01:32:48.628 I just don't want to hurt you. 1700 01:32:48.630 --> 01:32:49.829 You won't. 1701 01:32:49.831 --> 01:32:51.064 Stop being such a fucking pussy. 1702 01:32:51.066 --> 01:32:52.766 Look, this is new for me. 1703 01:32:52.768 --> 01:32:56.136 All right, I gotta need some positive reinforcement. 1704 01:32:57.573 --> 01:32:58.838 Look, I'm sorry. 1705 01:32:58.840 --> 01:33:00.607 Would you please fuck my bum 1706 01:33:00.609 --> 01:33:02.709 with your beautiful, manly penis? 1707 01:33:02.711 --> 01:33:04.277 -Hmm? -Okay. 1708 01:33:04.279 --> 01:33:07.047 -Good. All right. Okay, here we go. -Okay. 1709 01:33:09.685 --> 01:33:10.850 - Okay. -There you go. 1710 01:33:11.853 --> 01:33:13.687 Oh. 1711 01:33:16.023 --> 01:33:17.257 Oh. 1712 01:33:17.259 --> 01:33:19.993 --Oh, oh. 1713 01:33:19.995 --> 01:33:21.761 Okay. 1714 01:33:21.763 --> 01:33:23.630 Ooh. 1715 01:33:23.632 --> 01:33:25.632 --Oh. 1716 01:33:25.634 --> 01:33:27.200 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 1717 01:33:27.202 --> 01:33:28.668 -Fuck! -Oh, shit! 1718 01:33:28.670 --> 01:33:30.070 - Oh, keep going, Chester. 1719 01:33:30.072 --> 01:33:31.805 -Oh, I'm going to go. -Chester, keep going. 1720 01:33:31.807 --> 01:33:32.806 -Keep going! -Oh! 1721 01:33:35.744 --> 01:33:36.743 Oh. 1722 01:33:38.146 --> 01:33:39.846 -Oh. -Oh, yeah, boy. 1723 01:33:39.848 --> 01:33:41.715 -Thank you. -Over here. 1724 01:33:41.717 --> 01:33:44.951 Fill me with baby juice. 1725 01:33:44.953 --> 01:33:45.952 -Whoo! -Do it! 1726 01:34:00.401 --> 01:34:03.737 -Do you wanna flip around, or something? -What? 1727 01:34:03.739 --> 01:34:05.372 Sorta go where like we can't look at each other, 1728 01:34:05.374 --> 01:34:06.906 just to be fun, just to switch it up. 1729 01:34:06.908 --> 01:34:08.942 -No, no, no. This is perfect. -Okay. 1730 01:34:08.944 --> 01:34:09.943 Just like that. 1731 01:34:09.945 --> 01:34:12.979 -Yeah. -Oh, my god. 1732 01:34:12.981 --> 01:34:15.148 -Yeah. -What are you doing? 1733 01:34:15.150 --> 01:34:16.216 -Adam? -Hmm? 1734 01:34:16.218 --> 01:34:18.051 -Hey. -Hmm? 1735 01:34:18.053 --> 01:34:19.386 Look at me. 1736 01:34:19.388 --> 01:34:21.855 Everybody looks weird when they come. 1737 01:34:21.857 --> 01:34:25.792 -Just look weird with me. Okay? -Okay. 1738 01:35:30.091 --> 01:35:34.928 -Chester? -Yeah? 1739 01:35:34.930 --> 01:35:38.098 Please don't put your penis inside of anybody else. 1740 01:35:38.100 --> 01:35:39.866 Can we play video games now? 1741 01:35:39.868 --> 01:35:41.935 -Yeah, let's play video games now. -Okay. 1742 01:35:51.446 --> 01:35:54.047 That, um... 1743 01:35:54.049 --> 01:35:57.050 That went a lot better then in high school. 1744 01:35:57.052 --> 01:35:58.418 Yeah. 1745 01:36:00.421 --> 01:36:02.422 And nobody had to run down the street 1746 01:36:02.424 --> 01:36:03.957 without any clothes on. 1747 01:36:03.959 --> 01:36:06.426 Yeah. 1748 01:36:08.429 --> 01:36:09.963 It's okay. 1749 01:36:11.165 --> 01:36:12.766 I'm over it. 1750 01:36:22.510 --> 01:36:24.043 Adam? 1751 01:36:32.052 --> 01:36:35.188 Adam, everyone can see you. 1752 01:36:37.291 --> 01:36:38.992 What are you doing? 1753 01:36:38.994 --> 01:36:41.427 Something I should have done 12 years ago. 1754 01:37:33.348 --> 01:37:36.282 -Come on. -Whoo! It's so cold.