1 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,129 Hi, I'm Michael. 2 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,832 Paul. 3 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,837 I hear you're having some trouble. 4 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,842 It's okay. 5 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,678 It's okay. 6 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,781 I just... 7 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,751 Don't understand... 8 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,154 Why god made me like this. 9 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,223 He didn't. 10 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,292 Trust me. 11 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,395 Let me tell you something. 12 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,397 You should never define yourself 13 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,833 by your choices or your desires. 14 00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:46,438 Gay doesn't exist. It's a false identity. 15 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,542 This isn't my choice. Why would I choose this? 16 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,245 You always have a choice. 17 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,117 You wanna go to heaven, right? 18 00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,218 Yes. 19 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,886 If you're a moral person, 20 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,323 then you'll choose heterosexuality 21 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:07,126 in order to be with god. 22 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:42,895 Hey. 23 00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:43,862 Hey. Hey. 24 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:44,930 Where you going? 25 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,299 I'm gonna make us breakfast. 26 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:47,933 No. 27 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:48,734 Yeah, come on. 28 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,570 Breakfast is the most important part of the day. 29 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,306 I'll have muffins at my meeting. 30 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,807 Muffins? 31 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,876 Yeah, muffins. 32 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,278 Blueberry. 33 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,547 Mmm, blueberry. 34 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,583 Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay? 35 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,418 Mmm, morning breath. 36 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:10,856 Oh, stop it! Get off! 37 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,265 It's so cool that you work at XY. 38 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:53,966 Yeah. Yeah, it's rad. 39 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:58,270 You guys are like the only cool gay magazine out there right now. 40 00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,439 Oh, yeah, sort of. 41 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,433 Hey, listen up, queens. 42 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,470 XY magazine is taking over! 43 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,705 It's our time to shine! 44 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,902 Matthew Shepard was an openly gay man. 45 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:07,306 When he went to a laramie, Wyoming bar last week, 46 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,708 these two suspects lured him outside, 47 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,742 pretending to be gay. 48 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,078 Now they're charged with a vicious attack 49 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,846 that left Shepard hanging on this fence 50 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,316 for 18 hours in freezing temperatures. 51 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,485 Shepard remained on life support until this morning 52 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,486 when he passed away. 53 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,356 Shepard's family is grateful for support 54 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,391 from around the world. 55 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,470 They killed him because they were afraid, 56 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,873 and they were afraid because of what their churches tell them 57 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,543 and because of what they see in movies. 58 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,777 It's fucking ridiculous. 59 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,112 I hope they get the death penalty. 60 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,915 You're against the death penalty. Not in this case. 61 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,083 That's like being for free speech 62 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,819 until someone tells you something that pisses you off. 63 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:54,619 He died a slow death 64 00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,888 after being tied to a fence and tortured. 65 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,590 Exactly, a slow death is way more painful. 66 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,726 They should spend the rest of their lives in prison. 67 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,695 Okay, look, we need to move away from labels 68 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,698 because they segment and they lead to persecution. 69 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:10,869 People don't wanna be perceived as gay because... 70 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,872 They're afraid they'll end up like Matthew. 71 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,540 But we are a gay magazine. 72 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,676 Identifying as gay is being part of a community. 73 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,077 It's recognition, it's progress... 74 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,948 We've been telling the kids in the magazine to come out, to be proud to be gay. 75 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,616 They should be proud to be themselves. 76 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:28,120 Gay and straight are just social constructs. 77 00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,122 Ugh. God, you and your queer theory. 78 00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,859 Class is in session with professor Michael glatze. 79 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,826 Shut up. 80 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,061 Okay, okay, look. 81 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,429 We need to put out the message 82 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,898 that being attracted to the same sex 83 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,535 doesn't define who you are. 84 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:54,079 Hey. 85 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,916 Have you been smoking? 86 00:06:58,551 --> 00:06:59,551 Just one. 87 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,619 Small one. 88 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,788 It was a small cigarette. 89 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:06,792 Busted. 90 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,061 Letters to the editor. 91 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,965 Ninety percent are some poor teen with religious parents. 92 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:18,870 Fucking Christian fundamentalists should burn in hell. 93 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:20,772 Uh, okay. 94 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:25,110 In the meantime, there is a design competition 95 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:28,180 for the halifax international airport. 96 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,481 I don't wanna move to halifax. 97 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:33,018 I know, but my father wants me to head up the bid committee. 98 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:33,985 It's huge. 99 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,821 Halifax is so boring. 100 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,756 Your hometown is boring. 101 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,690 It's not. 102 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,458 Olympia? Yeah. 103 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:43,528 It's all trees and fog and coffee. 104 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,130 And the birthplace of the riot grrrl movement 105 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:49,134 and where Kurt cobain wrote most of nevermind. 106 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,769 Oh, well... 107 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,571 Yeah. In that case... 108 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,206 But it's unsustainable here, 109 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,874 unless you're in the dot-com movement, 110 00:07:55,876 --> 00:08:00,745 and I don't wanna live in a studio on mission street 111 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,847 when we're 50. 112 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:02,714 Well, we won't be. 113 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,985 We'll be in a big mansion on a hill. Duh. 114 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,623 May 21st, 2000. 115 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,859 I used to imagine myself growing old 116 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,195 while living in a house atop a hill in the Castro, 117 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,663 but what's more important to me 118 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,933 is growing old with the love of my life: 119 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:22,667 Bennett. 120 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,769 So I'm leaving San Francisco 121 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,805 to live in halifax, Canada. 122 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,541 Although I'm sad to leave XY magazine, 123 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,711 I'm excited to finally accept the speaking offers 124 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,279 I've been receiving this past year, 125 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,682 thanks to my work as a writer and activist. 126 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,784 What a lot of people aren't aware of 127 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,687 is that the terms "heterosexual" and "homosexual" 128 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:46,191 were only introduced about a hundred years ago. 129 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,661 As my mother used to always say, 130 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,829 "when you help others, 131 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,264 you're helping yourself as well." 132 00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,866 We often read about more sexually... 133 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,701 My goal is to thread a needle 134 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,537 through the fabric of this country 135 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:03,108 and stitch together the lives of gay kids everywhere. 136 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:03,975 I know a lot of you 137 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,912 are balancing religion and sexuality, 138 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,046 but I mean, come on, 139 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:13,618 what god would punish you for finding love? 140 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:08,373 This is where I spread my mom's ashes. 141 00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:25,156 Oh, my god. 142 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,926 She's still here. 143 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:44,409 Mom, I'm gonna stay here with you. 144 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,243 No. 145 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,077 Don't be stubborn. 146 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,714 You are not skipping a semester to be with me. 147 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,216 I can help you through this. 148 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:55,220 I'm gonna be fine. I told you. 149 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,789 I feel better. 150 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,358 Really, Michael. 151 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,796 I am so proud of you. 152 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,899 I love you so much. 153 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,835 Hmm. I love you. 154 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:21,780 I should've stayed. 155 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,249 Everyone kept saying, 156 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:29,888 "don't worry, we're praying for her, don't worry." 157 00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:35,126 Everyone's gonna die. 158 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,832 No amount of praying is ever gonna change that. 159 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,754 You're not getting up yet. Five minutes more. 160 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,257 I can't believe I'm approaching my one-year anniversary 161 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,127 here in halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. 162 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:13,131 The food is amazing, especially the Sushi. 163 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:18,369 The people are friendly and although the gay community 164 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,904 is much smaller than San Francisco, 165 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:24,843 I have some big plans to really make an impact. 166 00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,757 What's wrong with you? 167 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,191 Nothing. 168 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,928 Look, I have to find something else to do. 169 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,899 I'm just not cut out for administrative work. 170 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,768 Give it some time? 171 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,369 I have things i wanna do. 172 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,072 I want my own magazine. I want something bigger. 173 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,774 I want... I want to influence people. 174 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,009 I can't do that here. You're being such a shit. 175 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,345 We made the decision to leave San Francisco together. 176 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,179 No, we didn't. 177 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,413 I mean, you had to take this job. 178 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,883 Just like you had to take the job that took us to San Francisco. 179 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:10,388 Which is how you got your job at XY, so you should be thanking me. 180 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:12,924 Is this... 181 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,059 This is supposed to be Mexican food? 182 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,996 Why don't you go to the store and make your own food? 183 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:18,563 Maybe I will. 184 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,165 You'll have to ask me for money, though, 185 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,468 'cause you don't have any, remember? 186 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,250 Thanks. 187 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,446 Hey. 188 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,249 Hey. 189 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,484 You're Mike, right? 190 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,386 Uh, yeah. 191 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:20,225 The XY survivor guide really helped me out. 192 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,427 Are you stalking me or something? 193 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,597 Tyler. 194 00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:26,598 Hi. 195 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,265 Hi. 196 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,868 I just... I wanted you to know 197 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,636 I agree with everything that you say 198 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,305 about gay identity and sexuality. 199 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:39,110 I don't wanna be put into a box just because I'm gay. 200 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,079 You don't wanna be in a box? 201 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,348 No, I don't wanna be in a box. 202 00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,585 You're so fucking cute. 203 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,454 Can I buy you a drink? 204 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,489 Don't you have a boyfriend? 205 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:56,527 Hmm... He'll think you're cute, too. 206 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,477 It's a galaxy. 207 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,513 Uh, actually it's a spiral. 208 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,949 It's the only symbol that means anything. 209 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,451 It's infinite, no beginning, no end. 210 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,687 There's a beginning and there's an end. 211 00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,622 All right, well, there's a more complicated one 212 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,957 that has no beginning and no end, 213 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,659 but I can't do it on my pancakes, okay? 214 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,398 How did you guys meet? 215 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,334 How did we meet? 216 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,401 Uh, San Francisco. 217 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,104 We volunteered at this aids prevention organization. 218 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:17,642 And we both got arrested protesting this Christian coalition event. 219 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,212 Which is how I knew it was true love. 220 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,381 Awesome. 221 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:27,618 How about you? What's your deal? 222 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,587 Who are you? 223 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:30,588 Uh... 224 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,590 I'm a physics student. 225 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,459 Really? Yeah. 226 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,259 Physics. Science. 227 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:40,465 Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut, but that's probably a long shot. 228 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:45,103 Oh, god. I'd be terrified to go into space. 229 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,738 It's just, to me, 230 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:50,208 earth is just this, like, tiny speck in the universe. 231 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:55,246 And humans have only been around for just a speck of that timeline. 232 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,414 So it's just... 233 00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:02,620 There has to be more to life than just this, don't you think? 234 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,225 Totally. 235 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,629 Totally. 236 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,266 So Tyler was really cute, huh? 237 00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,735 Interesting. Mm-hmm. 238 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,038 It is interesting, isn't it? 239 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:20,772 Very interesting. 240 00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:23,041 You know why? 241 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,810 Because I love you so much. 242 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,080 And I really feel like we're at a place in our relationship 243 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:32,083 where there's more than enough love to go around. 244 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,585 And I know that I'm not afraid of that 245 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,421 and I don't think that you are either. 246 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,290 Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid. 247 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,525 Well, you shouldn't be afraid 248 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:44,195 because I'm here to protect you. Why? 249 00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,271 Carrot thief. 250 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:59,110 Here's our very uncool soccer mom Van. 251 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,445 Whoo! 252 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,815 Who are these guys? 253 00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:06,350 July 23rd, 2002. 254 00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,452 Road trip. Road trip. 255 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:10,855 I'm driving across America with Bennett and Tyler 256 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:15,426 for an exciting new project I'm working on. 257 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,427 I guess both beds are taken. 258 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,163 I don't know where you're gonna sleep. 259 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:23,334 Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. 260 00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:29,207 This is the most fun I've ever had in my whole life. 261 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,442 Really? No. 262 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,778 We are making a documentary 263 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,313 about queer youth in America, 264 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:39,383 because discrimination against lgbt youth 265 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,885 must be eliminated. 266 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:45,490 I just wish people could see that these kids have faces, 267 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:49,293 names, and voices that need to be heard. 268 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:54,398 Growing up in the church and realizing that you're gay 269 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,833 is very difficult. 270 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:59,837 You know, your family has never talked about it. 271 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:00,872 I mean, I'm 13 272 00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,540 and it's the first time I've heard the word. 273 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:06,711 And when I heard the word and knew what it was, 274 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:10,281 then it was like, "hey, I know that. 275 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,818 I understand that. That's me." 276 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,419 My mom, she's trying. 277 00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,821 She's like really in the closet about it. 278 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,589 She won't mention it to anybody or anything like that. 279 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,625 Like, she tries to still act like I'm straight 280 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,928 and expects me to act like I'm straight along with her 281 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,862 when I'm not like that. 282 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,465 And this was probably more overwhelming 283 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:31,235 when I tried to kill myself, uh... 284 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:35,439 But I felt so invisible 285 00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,476 to everyone around me who was straight. 286 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,879 There are times when I realize 287 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:48,619 that I'm just as much a creation of god as everyone else. 288 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,491 Olympia, Washington. 289 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:54,892 This is kind of somber. 290 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:58,829 But even though I grew up here, 291 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:04,435 because both my parents don't live anymore, 292 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,871 it feels like this place is a part of a past 293 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,940 that doesn't exist anymore. 294 00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:12,310 And I wasn't gay here. 295 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,311 I mean, you couldn't be. 296 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,780 There was this kid that everyone just thought was gay 297 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:21,786 and he had to leave school 'cause he got picked on so much. 298 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,630 What's it like here? 299 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,898 Liberty is falwell territory. 300 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:39,370 So as you can imagine, it's not very gay-friendly. 301 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,575 So why do you stay? 302 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,943 Uh... 303 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:49,680 Well, I... 304 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:50,881 I don't know. I, um... 305 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,484 I didn't come out to friends and family 306 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,719 until last year. 307 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:59,590 And I have another year before I graduate. 308 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,492 I'm a Christian. 309 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,560 So... 310 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,829 Which a lot of people think is impossible, 311 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,897 but I think that's just as ridiculous 312 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:10,368 as the anti-gay right, so... 313 00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,605 Just a second. 314 00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:16,674 Hey, sof. 315 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,510 Do you want us to call them for you? 316 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,381 We're just gonna... We're gonna wait with you until he comes, okay? 317 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:28,819 Her mother just passed. Do you mind not filming us? 318 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:29,553 So awful. 319 00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,423 Here, let's pray. Let's pray for her, okay? 320 00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,624 All right, turn it off. 321 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,692 We just wanna ask, father, 322 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:36,060 that you would just give her the strength 323 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:39,730 to get through this incredibly difficult time 324 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,600 and we pray that you would just fill us all 325 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:44,935 with the compassion to know what she must be going through 326 00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:48,606 because it would be impossible for us to fully comprehend. 327 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:51,008 Just show her yourself, father, during this time 328 00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:54,545 and look to you right now, father... 329 00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:15,933 Hey. 330 00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:18,102 Babe. 331 00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:20,571 We gotta go. We gotta be there at 9:30. You ready? 332 00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:23,774 Yeah. All right. See you in the car. 333 00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:30,448 I didn't come out to friends and family 334 00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,383 until last year. 335 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,951 I'm a Christian. 336 00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,052 So... 337 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,421 Which a lot of people think is impossible, 338 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,657 but I think that's just as ridiculous 339 00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:43,594 as the anti-gay right, so... 340 00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:50,034 When I was young, I didn't know that there were people like me. 341 00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:54,038 I felt lost, alone, and confused. 342 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:58,576 I never even told my mother, my best friend, that I was gay 343 00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,112 because I was afraid she wouldn't accept me. 344 00:23:01,114 --> 00:23:03,547 That's why we're on this journey: 345 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:07,752 To let gay kids know that they are not alone. 346 00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:11,489 And you know what? I learned a lot as well. 347 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,024 Because we met so many amazing people 348 00:23:14,026 --> 00:23:15,860 who've heard their parents or pastors 349 00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,863 tell them they're wrong and yet they've come 350 00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:21,599 to the realization that they're beautiful, 351 00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:26,036 blessed, and that god loves them just as they are. 352 00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:30,541 I mean, people who believe that homosexuality is wrong 353 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:36,680 are gonna change their minds thanks to this next generation. 354 00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:43,914 The sky is fucking beautiful. 355 00:24:46,219 --> 00:24:49,253 What is this, babe? 356 00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:50,754 Hmm? 357 00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:52,690 Oh, it's stupid. 358 00:24:52,692 --> 00:24:55,059 Just somebody gave it to me on the street. 359 00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:58,696 "Where will we go when we die?" 360 00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:01,165 Baby. 361 00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:03,767 You guys, where will we go when we die? 362 00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:07,705 In 2012, the world is supposed to end. 363 00:25:07,707 --> 00:25:09,673 Is that a real thing? 364 00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,141 I hope not. 365 00:25:11,143 --> 00:25:12,843 Everyone knows this. 366 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:16,013 It's what they drew on the Mayan calendar. 367 00:25:16,015 --> 00:25:18,516 You know, the Mayan calendar thing. 368 00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,919 That's what they drew. It was the moon and the sun. 369 00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:17,875 What? I'm curious. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 370 00:26:17,877 --> 00:26:21,211 We wanna know. Please. We wanna know. Please. 371 00:26:21,213 --> 00:26:24,281 I don't think they wanna know. 372 00:26:41,232 --> 00:26:42,900 Mike. 373 00:26:45,236 --> 00:26:47,738 You guys go on. I'll meet you at home. 374 00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:49,707 You okay? 375 00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:50,941 Yeah, I'm fine. 376 00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:53,210 Where are you going? 377 00:26:53,212 --> 00:26:55,679 Michael? 378 00:26:55,814 --> 00:27:00,751 What's that about? I have absolutely no earthly idea. 379 00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:44,828 Baby. 380 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:50,067 I was worried about you today. What's going on? 381 00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:56,940 It's stupid. 382 00:27:56,942 --> 00:28:00,711 Baby, nothing's stupid. Tell me what. 383 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:09,053 Do you think when we die, 384 00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:14,124 we just disappear like we never existed? 385 00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:20,297 No, I don't think that. 386 00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:24,468 Because I know that we'll always be together. 387 00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:28,305 Baby. 388 00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:36,380 Baby. 389 00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:40,050 Baby, you're okay. I'm here. 390 00:28:57,068 --> 00:29:00,838 Let's pray for her. Let's pray. 391 00:29:13,218 --> 00:29:14,852 Bennett! 392 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:16,987 Bennett! 393 00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:20,991 I'm really lightheaded. 394 00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:26,930 It's okay. It's okay. We're almost there. We're almost there. 395 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:41,278 Okay. 396 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:46,884 Your heartrate seems to have returned back to normal. 397 00:29:46,886 --> 00:29:48,018 Can you check again? 398 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:50,888 Just because your father had hcm does not mean that you have it. 399 00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:56,360 We followed our chest pain protocol and there's nothing abnormal. 400 00:29:56,362 --> 00:30:00,130 You had a panic attack. Okay? 401 00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:03,967 Where's Bennett? 402 00:30:03,969 --> 00:30:04,902 He's in the lobby. 403 00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:09,006 As soon as you're checked out, you can see him. 404 00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:10,541 All right? 405 00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:12,109 Thank you. 406 00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:18,115 I was 13 years old, 407 00:30:18,117 --> 00:30:20,250 walking along the beach with my father, 408 00:30:20,252 --> 00:30:22,252 when he suddenly collapsed and died 409 00:30:22,254 --> 00:30:25,589 from an unexpected heart condition. 410 00:30:28,459 --> 00:30:30,327 If I've inherited his disease, 411 00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:33,597 the same thing could happen to me. 412 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:36,500 What's wrong, baby? 413 00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,169 It's happening again. I can feel it. 414 00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:43,106 The tests confirmed that-- they don't know. 415 00:30:43,108 --> 00:30:45,042 They don't care. 416 00:30:45,878 --> 00:30:49,546 Now I'm having heart palpitations all the time. 417 00:30:49,548 --> 00:30:52,883 And contrary to what the doctors keep saying, 418 00:30:52,885 --> 00:30:56,954 I just know they aren't panic attacks. 419 00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:58,989 After months of fighting with my insurance, 420 00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:01,291 I was finally allowed to see a specialist 421 00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,527 who could definitively test whether or not 422 00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:07,064 I inherited my father's condition. 423 00:31:07,332 --> 00:31:10,167 Now I have to wait for the results. 424 00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:13,904 Michael, just calm down. Calm down! 425 00:31:13,906 --> 00:31:15,038 Do you know what this disease means? 426 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:19,076 It means i could die any minute, just drop dead! 427 00:31:19,078 --> 00:31:21,044 You calm down! 428 00:33:59,504 --> 00:34:01,204 Dr. Williams? 429 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,572 Hi. 430 00:34:25,096 --> 00:34:26,830 Thank you, god. 431 00:34:31,102 --> 00:34:32,836 Thank you, god. 432 00:34:36,140 --> 00:34:37,074 The test confirmed 433 00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:40,310 that I did not inherit my father's heart condition. 434 00:34:40,312 --> 00:34:44,448 Although it's a massive sigh of relief, 435 00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,516 I keep thinking to myself... 436 00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:50,520 If I was really just having panic attacks, 437 00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,856 then what's wrong with me? 438 00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,659 What am I afraid of? 439 00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:03,100 All I know is that when faced with your own death, 440 00:35:03,102 --> 00:35:05,702 it reminds you of what's important in life. 441 00:35:05,704 --> 00:35:10,607 And for me, that's helping other people. 442 00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:12,309 Okay. 443 00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:16,146 So I've decided to start my own magazine. 444 00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:19,249 I'm calling it yga. 445 00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:20,217 Young gay Americans. 446 00:35:20,219 --> 00:35:24,254 It's gonna be the biggest and most sophisticated magazine 447 00:35:24,256 --> 00:35:28,892 aimed at improving the lives of lgbt youth. 448 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,440 Hmm. 449 00:36:44,902 --> 00:36:45,969 What is this? 450 00:36:45,971 --> 00:36:48,738 What is this? 451 00:36:48,740 --> 00:36:52,275 Oh, my god! Hi! 452 00:36:52,277 --> 00:36:53,877 You didn't. 453 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,545 I know you wanted one, baby. 454 00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:57,380 Oh, my god! 455 00:37:04,288 --> 00:37:05,755 Ooh. 456 00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:08,558 What are we gonna call you? 457 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,527 What are we gonna call you? 458 00:37:11,997 --> 00:37:14,898 Olly. Olly, heel. 459 00:37:15,266 --> 00:37:18,368 I've been thinking about the next issue of yga. 460 00:37:18,370 --> 00:37:21,838 I think we need to address this whole christianity thing. 461 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:22,806 What do you mean? 462 00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:25,942 Well, people think that gays and christians are enemies. 463 00:37:25,944 --> 00:37:31,748 We've met so many people who've managed to balance their faith and their sexuality. 464 00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:34,651 But we've also met so many people whose parents 465 00:37:34,653 --> 00:37:37,254 and churches tell them they're gonna burn in hell. 466 00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,290 Yeah, which is why we should address it in the magazine. 467 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:43,893 I mean, the whole "you're gay, you're going to hell" myth 468 00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:48,932 was started by mistranslations and misinterpretations of the Bible. 469 00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:53,403 I mean, god doesn't care what your sexual orientation is. 470 00:37:53,405 --> 00:37:58,275 And the one thing that the gay movement doesn't understand 471 00:37:58,277 --> 00:37:59,442 that I think christianity does 472 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:06,383 is that not everyone wants to be a part of the subculture. 473 00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:10,053 I'm sorry, what did you do with my boyfriend? 474 00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:11,488 Shut up. 475 00:38:11,490 --> 00:38:14,357 I'm not gonna write like... 476 00:38:15,726 --> 00:38:19,763 Gospel according to Michael or something. 477 00:38:22,433 --> 00:38:25,535 It might seem strange for a gay youth magazine 478 00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:29,339 to dedicate an entire issue to religion, 479 00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:32,776 but it's too important to ignore. 480 00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:37,414 When my parents died, I blamed god. 481 00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:38,381 When I came out, 482 00:38:38,383 --> 00:38:42,319 I distanced myself even further from religion. 483 00:38:42,321 --> 00:38:47,457 You see, I thought I was too smart to believe in god, 484 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:50,660 that he was only for the needy. 485 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:52,662 But after a recent health scare, 486 00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:57,867 I felt this nudging in the back of my mind: 487 00:38:57,869 --> 00:39:00,904 The presence of god. 488 00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:02,872 And you know what? 489 00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:06,343 I was no longer afraid. 490 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:07,744 Aah! 491 00:39:07,746 --> 00:39:10,547 Some religious figures spout hateful rhetoric 492 00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:14,451 and try to force a monopoly on the truth. 493 00:39:14,453 --> 00:39:17,921 But the only truth is love. 494 00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:22,425 The only sin is denying love. 495 00:39:22,427 --> 00:39:24,728 Stop hating. 496 00:39:24,730 --> 00:39:28,064 Start loving. 497 00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,142 You gonna join us? 498 00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:41,778 Uh, yeah, just one second. 499 00:39:47,551 --> 00:39:48,385 What? 500 00:39:48,387 --> 00:39:51,688 Uh, you're really combing through that thing, aren't you? 501 00:39:51,690 --> 00:39:56,893 Look, my whole life, i thought the Bible was full of hate... 502 00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,128 And it's not. 503 00:39:58,130 --> 00:39:59,863 There's a lot of love in here. 504 00:39:59,865 --> 00:40:04,667 So your interest in the Bible is more than just research? 505 00:40:04,669 --> 00:40:09,406 Well, there's a lot of Christian roots in my family, 506 00:40:09,408 --> 00:40:12,041 my mom, my aunt and... 507 00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:12,776 Just curious. 508 00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:16,413 Your aunts disowned you when you came out. 509 00:40:16,415 --> 00:40:18,047 That's not family. 510 00:40:18,049 --> 00:40:19,949 I'm all for curiosity but-- 511 00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:24,120 i-i just feel like something saved me, 512 00:40:24,122 --> 00:40:27,123 shook me and woke me up. 513 00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:31,494 And that someone is god? 514 00:40:32,029 --> 00:40:38,601 Mike, he didn't save you because you were never dying. 515 00:40:40,871 --> 00:40:43,173 Okay. 516 00:40:45,576 --> 00:40:47,510 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 517 00:40:47,512 --> 00:40:51,815 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 518 00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:56,786 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 519 00:40:56,788 --> 00:41:02,659 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 520 00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:04,894 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 521 00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:09,532 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 522 00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:19,108 Don't see many people flaunting that out in the open. 523 00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:20,143 Oh. 524 00:41:20,145 --> 00:41:22,479 I've seen you reading out here before 525 00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:26,082 and I thought maybe you'd wanna come to my church. 526 00:41:26,084 --> 00:41:30,620 Any Sunday, just to check it out. 527 00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:34,224 See what the mormon religion has to offer. 528 00:41:34,558 --> 00:41:40,697 The gospel teaches us that we are the spirit children 529 00:41:40,699 --> 00:41:42,065 of heavenly parents. 530 00:41:42,067 --> 00:41:48,905 Now, many people ask, are we like other christians? 531 00:41:48,907 --> 00:41:51,007 Why of course we are. 532 00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:53,076 We believe in Jesus Christ 533 00:41:53,078 --> 00:41:56,513 and we believe in life after death. 534 00:41:56,515 --> 00:42:01,017 And everyone is welcome at the lds church. 535 00:42:01,019 --> 00:42:04,888 Christ's atonement allows mankind to be saved from their sins... 536 00:42:04,890 --> 00:42:09,692 And to return to live with god and their loved ones in heaven. 537 00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:12,862 Did you grow up with any kind of faith? 538 00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,063 Not really. 539 00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:14,964 My mother was Christian, 540 00:42:14,966 --> 00:42:18,768 but she didn't really take me or my sister to church, 541 00:42:18,770 --> 00:42:22,138 and my father was a Berkeley hippie, 542 00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:25,575 kind of agnostic or even atheist. 543 00:42:25,577 --> 00:42:27,010 They were very good people 544 00:42:27,012 --> 00:42:31,681 and I know I'll see them again in heaven. 545 00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:34,551 My mom passed away as well. 546 00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:36,319 So I know how hard that is. 547 00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:41,291 I was so afraid and angry, you know? 548 00:42:41,293 --> 00:42:42,859 Yeah, me, too. 549 00:42:42,861 --> 00:42:44,894 It's really hard to deal with death 550 00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:48,031 when you don't know where you're going. 551 00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:51,301 But once you do, then you have peace 552 00:42:51,303 --> 00:42:54,938 and you realize that god's not to blame. 553 00:42:54,940 --> 00:42:57,840 Right. Yeah. 554 00:42:58,776 --> 00:43:00,176 Catherine. 555 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:03,880 It was nice to meet you. 556 00:43:03,882 --> 00:43:05,248 You, too. 557 00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:11,120 She's single, fyi. 558 00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,889 Fyi? 559 00:43:12,891 --> 00:43:14,657 What, you think she likes me? 560 00:43:14,659 --> 00:43:16,859 Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. 561 00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:22,332 But I mean, don't worry. There's plenty of single ladies looking for a husband. 562 00:43:22,334 --> 00:43:26,235 I wasn't even thinking about that kind of thing. 563 00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:30,039 Oh, well, maybe it's something you should start thinking about. 564 00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:33,977 I can get you in touch with her if you want. 565 00:43:34,845 --> 00:43:36,112 Oh, um... 566 00:43:36,114 --> 00:43:38,681 If you're interested. 567 00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:41,751 Sure. I don't know. 568 00:43:41,753 --> 00:43:44,387 Yeah? Okay. Whatever. Yeah, okay. 569 00:43:44,389 --> 00:43:45,755 All right. Okay, thanks. 570 00:43:45,757 --> 00:43:49,025 Embarrassing me a little bit. 571 00:44:13,751 --> 00:44:15,018 Welcome back to new beginnings 572 00:44:15,020 --> 00:44:18,221 and thank you for listening to our continued conversation 573 00:44:18,223 --> 00:44:19,856 about the truth path to heaven. 574 00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:23,893 Doctor, how would you respond to other christians 575 00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:25,128 who disagree with your angle? 576 00:44:25,130 --> 00:44:28,765 Look, all I'm trying to do is help people. 577 00:44:28,767 --> 00:44:32,669 It just pains me so much when I hear so-called christians 578 00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:36,205 side with the left on issues such as homosexuality. 579 00:44:36,207 --> 00:44:39,308 Now, I'm not condoning hate. 580 00:44:39,310 --> 00:44:41,678 In fact, this is about love. 581 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,147 Choosing a gay identity will condemn you 582 00:44:44,149 --> 00:44:45,982 to an eternity of suffering. 583 00:44:45,984 --> 00:44:48,351 And I wanna save people from that. 584 00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:51,120 Whether it's abortion or adultery 585 00:44:51,122 --> 00:44:55,124 or accepting religions other than christianity, 586 00:44:55,126 --> 00:44:56,793 you must obey god's law 587 00:44:56,795 --> 00:45:00,997 or you will not be allowed into his kingdom. 588 00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:42,071 I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that it's wrong. 589 00:45:42,073 --> 00:45:45,241 I'm just saying that over the course of thousands of years, 590 00:45:45,243 --> 00:45:48,845 people with an agenda have made christianity what it is today. 591 00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:55,351 Yeah, but the original message is still the same, it's about love. 592 00:45:57,020 --> 00:46:00,790 You know, I would've never pegged you as a Buddhist. 593 00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:01,224 Why? 594 00:46:01,226 --> 00:46:04,260 What, 'cause I don't look a certain way? 595 00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:05,428 No, I... 596 00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:07,930 I don't know why i just said that. 597 00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:09,899 I'm just kidding you. 598 00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:10,433 Meditation. 599 00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:12,835 People get weird in their head about meditation. 600 00:46:12,837 --> 00:46:14,237 They think it's weird or hippie. 601 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:18,207 I think it's about developing mindfulness. 602 00:46:18,209 --> 00:46:20,109 You know, it's about living moment to moment. 603 00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:24,280 And in a deeper level, it's about knowing yourself. 604 00:46:24,282 --> 00:46:28,017 That's why I started volunteering at the Buddhist center. 605 00:46:28,019 --> 00:46:30,353 They have classes on Friday. You should come. 606 00:46:30,355 --> 00:46:35,358 Oh, I have to go out of town for this speaking thing. 607 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,293 What kind of speaking thing? 608 00:46:37,295 --> 00:46:40,329 It's about gay youth in America. 609 00:46:40,331 --> 00:46:43,199 No way. That's awesome. 610 00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:25,575 Welcome to our very first panel 611 00:47:25,577 --> 00:47:28,144 on being young and gay in America. 612 00:47:28,146 --> 00:47:30,146 Joining us is Judy Shepard, 613 00:47:30,148 --> 00:47:33,149 president of the Matthew Shepard foundation, 614 00:47:33,151 --> 00:47:35,184 dedicated to working towards causes 615 00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:38,855 championed by her son Matthew during his life. 616 00:47:38,857 --> 00:47:40,256 Thank you for joining us. 617 00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:48,531 Michael glatze, former editor of XY magazine, 618 00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:53,202 recipient of equality forum's national role model award 619 00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:56,105 as well as lambda's literary award 620 00:47:56,107 --> 00:47:57,473 for XY's survival guide, 621 00:47:57,475 --> 00:48:01,577 participant in the award-winning documentary 622 00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:02,445 Jim in bold, 623 00:48:02,447 --> 00:48:04,347 and co-founder of young gay Americans, 624 00:48:04,349 --> 00:48:07,016 which is now a full-fledged magazine. 625 00:48:12,623 --> 00:48:15,992 What does being gay mean to you? 626 00:48:16,193 --> 00:48:21,564 Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago. 627 00:48:21,566 --> 00:48:25,167 And it's more important now than ever 628 00:48:25,169 --> 00:48:28,404 to make allies and make alliances 629 00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:33,009 both inside and outside the gay community. 630 00:48:36,346 --> 00:48:42,151 Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago. 631 00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:44,053 It's not about-- 632 00:49:18,288 --> 00:49:19,722 hey. 633 00:49:22,192 --> 00:49:23,559 No. 634 00:49:25,429 --> 00:49:27,730 I have to walk the dog. 635 00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:08,137 Hey. 636 00:50:11,375 --> 00:50:13,776 What are you doing? 637 00:50:13,778 --> 00:50:18,014 I need some space. 638 00:50:18,782 --> 00:50:20,316 Mike-- look, I just... 639 00:50:20,318 --> 00:50:22,018 I need some time to figure this out, 640 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:24,620 to see where this is taking me. 641 00:50:25,722 --> 00:50:28,557 Why can't you come to me for help? 642 00:50:28,559 --> 00:50:30,726 We have to talk about this before-- 643 00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:32,294 look, I just... 644 00:50:32,296 --> 00:50:35,531 I need to get away from this life. 645 00:50:35,766 --> 00:50:38,367 Our life? Yes. 646 00:50:38,502 --> 00:50:42,772 And what exactly is it about our life that you need to get away from, being gay? 647 00:50:42,774 --> 00:50:44,407 I don't know. 648 00:50:44,409 --> 00:50:45,508 I don't know! 649 00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:50,346 Okay, uh, are you attracted to women? 650 00:50:50,348 --> 00:50:52,081 Because if that's the case, then fine, go explore. 651 00:50:52,083 --> 00:50:56,318 I just wanna be with my parents in heaven. Is that so hard to understand? 652 00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,187 Can you even hear yourself right now? 653 00:50:58,189 --> 00:51:00,823 What happened to the misinterpretation of the Bible? 654 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,058 It's a fucking book, Mike! 655 00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:04,760 I read the Bible the same way i read anything else, 656 00:51:04,762 --> 00:51:06,228 with an open mind and an open heart. 657 00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:07,263 Oh, is that what you call this? 658 00:51:07,265 --> 00:51:11,067 'Cause the way you're talking doesn't exactly sound very fucking open-minded. 659 00:51:11,069 --> 00:51:17,406 This relationship has just developed into something unhealthy. 660 00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:20,176 What does that even mean? 661 00:51:21,211 --> 00:51:22,378 Tyler? 662 00:51:22,380 --> 00:51:25,614 You were just as interested in that as I was. 663 00:51:25,616 --> 00:51:26,315 No. 664 00:51:26,317 --> 00:51:27,483 I just wanted you to be happy 665 00:51:27,485 --> 00:51:29,418 because I was afraid you were gonna leave. 666 00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:31,187 I was never gonna leave, Mike. 667 00:51:31,189 --> 00:51:31,821 I've stood by you. 668 00:51:31,823 --> 00:51:34,290 I've held your hand while you were so terrified of dying 669 00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:37,860 that you created illnesses that didn't even exist. 670 00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:42,264 The truth is that i was living a lie. 671 00:51:42,767 --> 00:51:47,603 The truth is that god loves us-- shut the fuck up! 672 00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:52,875 Okay. 673 00:51:52,877 --> 00:51:54,443 Wait. 674 00:52:02,687 --> 00:52:05,387 Please don't go. 675 00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:13,429 Where are you going? 676 00:52:19,703 --> 00:52:24,673 The thing that will really kill you... 677 00:52:24,675 --> 00:52:29,445 Is repressing who you truly are. 678 00:52:29,579 --> 00:52:33,315 That's what you should really be afraid of. 679 00:53:41,885 --> 00:53:46,288 So he just left this here out in the open? 680 00:54:32,936 --> 00:54:37,373 I have come to a decision that will be shocking 681 00:54:37,375 --> 00:54:40,542 to anyone I used to relate to. 682 00:54:41,479 --> 00:54:46,415 The presence of god has grown strong in my life. 683 00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:49,518 He told me that my panic attacks 684 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:54,690 were caused by my shallow, sinful lifestyle. 685 00:54:55,459 --> 00:55:00,596 I've come to the realization that identifying as gay 686 00:55:00,598 --> 00:55:05,067 prevents you from finding your true self within. 687 00:55:05,069 --> 00:55:07,336 And we must be our true selves 688 00:55:07,338 --> 00:55:11,340 in order to join god in his kingdom. 689 00:55:11,808 --> 00:55:15,411 Therefore, I, Michael glatze, 690 00:55:15,413 --> 00:55:19,081 no longer identify as gay. 691 00:57:32,682 --> 00:57:34,783 Why did you do it? 692 00:57:38,054 --> 00:57:40,222 "Gay activist goes straight"? 693 00:57:40,224 --> 00:57:43,892 You gave the anti-gay right the story of their dreams. 694 00:57:43,894 --> 00:57:45,828 I don't know why. 695 00:57:45,830 --> 00:57:47,930 I don't know. 696 00:57:47,932 --> 00:57:49,731 Who pushed you? 697 00:57:49,733 --> 00:57:50,699 No one. 698 00:57:50,701 --> 00:57:53,569 I just wanted to tell my story. 699 00:57:53,571 --> 00:57:55,571 Look, I think this all happened 700 00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:57,840 because god needed to teach me a lesson. 701 00:57:57,842 --> 00:58:02,478 That's why I'm here, to make it better. 702 00:58:07,518 --> 00:58:10,486 Meditation is a way of slowing down 703 00:58:10,488 --> 00:58:13,689 and developing kindness towards yourself. 704 00:58:13,691 --> 00:58:19,962 Through mindfulness practice, we develop strength of mind. 705 00:58:19,964 --> 00:58:21,997 We become more present 706 00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:26,068 and we learn to appreciate our world. 707 00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:34,243 God works in mysterious ways. 708 00:58:34,245 --> 00:58:35,844 He has sent me to a place 709 00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:38,680 where I can get away from the physical world 710 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,917 so that I can focus on my true self-- 711 00:58:41,919 --> 00:58:44,920 a happier, healthier man, 712 00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:48,290 free of unnatural desires. 713 00:58:54,998 --> 00:59:00,235 At first, I didn't understand why god would send a Christian 714 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:02,638 to a Buddhist retreat. 715 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,708 But I have faith in his plan for me. 716 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:15,250 Desire is powerful. 717 00:59:15,252 --> 00:59:18,253 And god is testing me. 718 00:59:18,255 --> 00:59:23,725 But I refuse to give in to temptation. 719 00:59:28,197 --> 00:59:29,831 I've come to the realization 720 00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:32,868 that god wants me to use meditation 721 00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:37,906 to rid myself of abnormal desires. 722 00:59:38,074 --> 00:59:41,944 God gave Buddha the light to be Buddha. 723 00:59:41,946 --> 00:59:42,344 He did. 724 00:59:42,346 --> 00:59:44,646 Michael, what are you talking about? 725 00:59:44,648 --> 00:59:49,718 I just want us to be on the right path for our future, 726 00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,321 for our health, for the afterlife. 727 00:59:52,323 --> 00:59:56,992 I am on the right path, okay? My path. 728 01:00:06,302 --> 01:00:09,204 Michael, i-- I'm sorry. 729 01:00:11,374 --> 01:00:13,742 I'm sorry, Nico. 730 01:00:31,694 --> 01:00:33,061 It's the same kind of strength 731 01:00:33,063 --> 01:00:35,998 that you need to-to clear your mind. 732 01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:39,801 You know, we just, we need to find that strength 733 01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:44,773 to fight what we both know in our hearts is wrong. 734 01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,241 We just have to fight it. 735 01:00:46,243 --> 01:00:47,876 Stop, Michael. Stop. 736 01:00:47,878 --> 01:00:50,245 No, I mean... 737 01:00:58,688 --> 01:00:59,855 Michael, you're confused. 738 01:00:59,857 --> 01:01:04,893 You're very confused and it's at my expense. 739 01:01:30,854 --> 01:01:33,855 People have been asking how I am. 740 01:01:33,857 --> 01:01:35,724 Some out of support. 741 01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:38,126 Others who think I've reconsidered. 742 01:01:38,128 --> 01:01:43,298 I've come to the realization that Bennett represents soul, 743 01:01:43,300 --> 01:01:48,870 Tyler represents body, Nico represents mind. 744 01:01:48,872 --> 01:01:52,107 Father, son, holy ghost. 745 01:01:52,109 --> 01:01:55,310 I guess god need me to complete the Trinity 746 01:01:55,312 --> 01:01:57,746 in order to move on. 747 01:01:57,748 --> 01:01:59,748 So I'm ready to set the record straight. 748 01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:04,886 I was a heterosexual person with a homosexual problem, 749 01:02:04,888 --> 01:02:07,456 and I took care of that problem. 750 01:02:07,458 --> 01:02:11,059 I have not reconsidered. 751 01:02:11,227 --> 01:02:14,830 A good number of people have come forward 752 01:02:14,832 --> 01:02:15,964 and expressed their concern 753 01:02:15,966 --> 01:02:17,933 about your being involved with this organization. 754 01:02:17,935 --> 01:02:21,970 This center is supposed to accept everyone. 755 01:02:21,972 --> 01:02:23,405 Yes, and we do. 756 01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:25,841 We welcome people of all beliefs, 757 01:02:25,843 --> 01:02:28,744 but we don't tolerate hate. 758 01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,779 I don't hate anybody. 759 01:02:30,781 --> 01:02:35,817 Michael, you've written what some would call very hateful things. 760 01:02:35,819 --> 01:02:39,955 Those are my beliefs. 761 01:02:40,823 --> 01:02:42,390 Are you okay? 762 01:02:42,392 --> 01:02:44,259 Yeah. 763 01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:47,195 Are you okay? 764 01:02:48,799 --> 01:02:49,431 I don't know... 765 01:02:49,433 --> 01:02:54,102 I don't understand what has changed, but I, uh... 766 01:02:54,104 --> 01:02:56,238 Here we practice compassion. 767 01:02:56,240 --> 01:03:01,009 And I'm just, I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out. 768 01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:06,848 So, because I'm Christian and I express my opinions... 769 01:03:06,850 --> 01:03:09,184 I have to leave. 770 01:03:09,186 --> 01:03:13,421 That's so messed up. 771 01:03:49,926 --> 01:03:51,459 That's really everything? 772 01:03:51,461 --> 01:03:54,429 Your whole life is in that one bag? 773 01:03:54,431 --> 01:03:57,265 Yeah. 774 01:03:59,602 --> 01:04:01,603 Do you think you'll stay here? 775 01:04:01,605 --> 01:04:08,143 I mean, San Francisco can't be the best place for an... 776 01:04:08,145 --> 01:04:09,244 Ex-gay. 777 01:04:09,246 --> 01:04:15,183 I'm not an ex-gay. I'm just me. 778 01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:18,286 Honestly, I thought you'd be happy. 779 01:04:18,288 --> 01:04:20,889 I mean, you never really approved. 780 01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,390 That's not true. 781 01:04:22,392 --> 01:04:26,027 Then why haven't we been close? 782 01:04:26,029 --> 01:04:27,395 I mean, you're my sister. 783 01:04:27,397 --> 01:04:31,600 We're supposed to be there for each other. 784 01:04:32,635 --> 01:04:35,337 We can be close now. 785 01:04:35,339 --> 01:04:37,372 I'm glad you're here. 786 01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:44,379 And I want you to be happy-- loving whomever. 787 01:04:45,481 --> 01:04:46,481 Yeah? 788 01:04:46,483 --> 01:04:47,983 Yeah. 789 01:06:33,456 --> 01:06:35,323 I'm sorry. 790 01:06:35,325 --> 01:06:36,691 No, I can't. What? 791 01:06:36,693 --> 01:06:38,426 No, I'm sorry. Uh... 792 01:06:38,428 --> 01:06:40,462 What happened? I can't. Um... 793 01:06:40,464 --> 01:06:45,133 It's not you, it's... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 794 01:07:30,447 --> 01:07:36,084 Olly, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 795 01:07:41,690 --> 01:07:43,458 Hello? 796 01:07:51,534 --> 01:07:53,168 Michael? 797 01:07:53,170 --> 01:07:55,670 Bennett. 798 01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:01,309 Where are you? 799 01:08:01,844 --> 01:08:03,845 Are you okay? 800 01:08:06,782 --> 01:08:07,715 Michael? 801 01:08:07,717 --> 01:08:09,184 I have to go. 802 01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,687 Wait, why did you call me, Michael? 803 01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:26,868 To my friends who are trapped in homosexuality: 804 01:08:26,870 --> 01:08:29,504 I wanna thank you for your kind comments 805 01:08:29,506 --> 01:08:32,807 and keen observations regarding my story 806 01:08:32,809 --> 01:08:37,779 and my revelation that i am no longer homosexual 807 01:08:37,781 --> 01:08:39,547 and am now heterosexual. 808 01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:44,252 The gay identity has been packaged and fed to you, 809 01:08:44,254 --> 01:08:48,623 and if you identify as gay then you have eaten it, 810 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:51,126 preventing you from further growth 811 01:08:51,128 --> 01:08:53,828 and understanding of your true self. 812 01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:58,333 But it's not too late to save yourself. 813 01:08:58,335 --> 01:09:00,535 If you follow my lead. 814 01:09:00,537 --> 01:09:05,473 I am confident. I am blessed. 815 01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:06,808 I am strong. 816 01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:12,180 I am ready to give up my life for Christ 817 01:09:12,182 --> 01:09:16,618 in order to find my true self. 818 01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:26,921 You sure you don't want a coffee? 819 01:10:26,923 --> 01:10:30,625 I don't drink coffee anymore. 820 01:10:35,431 --> 01:10:36,864 You're well? 821 01:10:36,866 --> 01:10:38,700 Yeah. Why? 822 01:10:38,702 --> 01:10:41,603 Just asking. 823 01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:47,842 I'm great. I've never been better. 824 01:10:49,345 --> 01:10:53,548 Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing. 825 01:10:55,284 --> 01:10:57,852 So does Bennett. 826 01:10:58,587 --> 01:10:58,987 Hmm. 827 01:10:58,989 --> 01:11:02,857 I wish I could understand what you're going through. 828 01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:07,595 I just don't want to be perceived as gay 829 01:11:07,597 --> 01:11:10,531 for the rest of my experiences. 830 01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:13,801 It's that simple. 831 01:11:15,671 --> 01:11:19,274 Are you still with Bennett? 832 01:11:19,276 --> 01:11:20,008 No. 833 01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:26,848 I'm, uh, going to Europe to study space science. 834 01:11:26,850 --> 01:11:28,616 That's great. 835 01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,752 I'm going to Bible school. 836 01:11:30,754 --> 01:11:34,022 God told me to become a pastor. 837 01:11:42,698 --> 01:11:46,668 I don't want to open old wounds or anything, 838 01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:53,941 but I also don't know when I'll ever see you again. 839 01:11:54,777 --> 01:11:58,413 I want you to know how much you meant to me. 840 01:12:03,919 --> 01:12:07,822 I know you don't care anymore. 841 01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:11,559 But I needed to say it. 842 01:12:11,561 --> 01:12:14,662 For closure. 843 01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,636 This whole thing... 844 01:12:21,638 --> 01:12:25,506 It broke my heart. 845 01:12:26,909 --> 01:12:29,344 Tyler... 846 01:12:29,346 --> 01:12:32,680 I'm sorry. 847 01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:36,784 But I need to live for myself now. 848 01:12:39,722 --> 01:12:40,955 Okay. 849 01:12:45,894 --> 01:12:47,395 Okay. 850 01:12:48,731 --> 01:12:50,465 Take care. 851 01:13:39,548 --> 01:13:43,084 Now, sometimes somebody's gonna ask you what you believe. 852 01:13:43,086 --> 01:13:45,620 They're gonna say, "you're a Christian, 853 01:13:45,622 --> 01:13:47,455 all right, what do you believe?" 854 01:13:47,457 --> 01:13:51,626 Maybe they're an atheist or a agnostic or a Muslim 855 01:13:51,628 --> 01:13:54,896 or a Buddha, you know, who knows what they are? 856 01:13:54,898 --> 01:13:57,865 And you better be ready to tell 'em. 857 01:13:57,867 --> 01:14:00,802 We believe the Bible is the word of god, 858 01:14:00,804 --> 01:14:07,208 the supreme, final authority in life and in our faith. 859 01:14:07,210 --> 01:14:10,178 We believe in one god, 860 01:14:10,180 --> 01:14:13,080 eternally existing in three persons: 861 01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:15,817 The father, the son, and the holy spirit. 862 01:14:15,819 --> 01:14:19,454 And we believe the sole condition 863 01:14:19,456 --> 01:14:21,823 for receiving everlasting life 864 01:14:21,825 --> 01:14:29,931 is belief and faith alone in the lord Jesus Christ. 865 01:15:14,810 --> 01:15:15,243 Thank you. 866 01:15:15,245 --> 01:15:17,945 I'll have one of those, please. 867 01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:32,226 Hi, I'm Michael. 868 01:15:32,228 --> 01:15:35,129 Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah. 869 01:15:36,031 --> 01:15:39,867 Guess we like all the same things. 870 01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:43,771 I love it here. 871 01:15:43,773 --> 01:15:45,940 I mean, I never though I'd end up in Wyoming, 872 01:15:45,942 --> 01:15:49,677 but I feel like I've finally found my niche. 873 01:15:49,679 --> 01:15:52,980 Where'd you think you'd end up? 874 01:15:54,116 --> 01:15:56,784 That's a good question. I don't know. 875 01:15:56,786 --> 01:16:00,788 All I know is that I've always wanted to help people, 876 01:16:00,790 --> 01:16:04,625 because some people struggle so much 877 01:16:04,627 --> 01:16:08,095 when the solution is actually very simple. 878 01:16:08,097 --> 01:16:10,298 It's right there in Matthew 10: 879 01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:14,635 The road may not be easy, but if we give up our lives 880 01:16:14,637 --> 01:16:21,208 for Christ, then we'll find our true selves. 881 01:16:27,649 --> 01:16:30,117 Where did you go to college? 882 01:16:30,119 --> 01:16:31,586 Dartmouth. 883 01:16:31,588 --> 01:16:32,620 Wow. 884 01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:33,955 And you majored in music? 885 01:16:33,957 --> 01:16:37,158 In creative writing and English literature, 886 01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:40,795 but I minored in music theory and composition. 887 01:16:40,797 --> 01:16:44,699 That must've kept you busy. 888 01:16:44,701 --> 01:16:46,367 What kind of stuff did you write? 889 01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:51,205 Well, my thesis was all poetry, actually. 890 01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,808 Can I read some? 891 01:16:53,810 --> 01:16:55,343 Oh, I don't have it anymore. 892 01:16:55,345 --> 01:16:59,780 My poetry is from a different life. 893 01:16:59,782 --> 01:17:00,348 But I, um... 894 01:17:00,350 --> 01:17:05,386 I'm so interested in music now because it transcends language. 895 01:17:05,388 --> 01:17:09,323 You know, it's like people don't have to argue about it 896 01:17:09,325 --> 01:17:11,826 or judge it or misinterpret it. 897 01:17:11,828 --> 01:17:13,127 They can just listen. 898 01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:16,764 You know, I just play and they just listen. 899 01:17:16,766 --> 01:17:17,264 You know? 900 01:17:17,266 --> 01:17:19,667 I don't know if I do, to be honest, 901 01:17:19,669 --> 01:17:22,803 but the way you say it, i want to. 902 01:17:22,805 --> 01:17:25,006 I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing. What about you? 903 01:17:25,008 --> 01:17:29,343 No, don't be sorry! You're not blabbing. Um... 904 01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:30,911 I majored in theater. 905 01:17:30,913 --> 01:17:31,946 Theater? Really? Yeah. 906 01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:36,817 Yeah, it was really fun, but it's not like it's a real job. 907 01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:40,254 I actually stage managed a little bit after college, 908 01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:44,091 but I don't know, i felt adrift. 909 01:17:44,093 --> 01:17:49,864 So I came here, hoping to figure out my path. 910 01:17:49,866 --> 01:17:52,199 Me, too. 911 01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:44,318 I can't believe you've never had Sushi. 912 01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:48,089 Who hasn't had Sushi? It's crazy. 913 01:18:48,091 --> 01:18:50,024 Mm. 914 01:18:50,026 --> 01:18:51,225 Oh, no. 915 01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:53,227 You don't like it. 916 01:18:53,229 --> 01:18:54,028 I'm sorry. 917 01:18:54,030 --> 01:18:56,263 Oh, I'm so sorry. 918 01:18:56,265 --> 01:18:57,832 Oh... I'm sorry. 919 01:18:57,834 --> 01:19:01,202 No, I used to hate it when my ex did that. 920 01:19:01,204 --> 01:19:03,304 Always making decisions. 921 01:19:03,306 --> 01:19:05,973 We can go somewhere else. No. 922 01:19:05,975 --> 01:19:08,142 No, no, no. No, it's okay. 923 01:19:08,144 --> 01:19:09,076 Are you sure? 924 01:19:09,078 --> 01:19:13,514 Yes. Yeah. You like it. It's fine. 925 01:19:16,752 --> 01:19:22,456 Uh, how, um, how long ago was the ex you mentioned? 926 01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:25,993 Oh. It was a long time ago. It was, uh... 927 01:19:25,995 --> 01:19:28,529 I don't know why i brought that up. 928 01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:30,264 It was stupid. 929 01:19:30,266 --> 01:19:32,967 Well, um, was it serious? 930 01:19:32,969 --> 01:19:36,036 Were you gonna marry her? 931 01:19:36,972 --> 01:19:42,543 It was serious, but, um, no, not marriage. 932 01:19:44,045 --> 01:19:46,380 What about you? 933 01:19:46,382 --> 01:19:47,848 Oh, no, I've... 934 01:19:47,850 --> 01:19:50,484 I've never been in a serious relationship. 935 01:19:50,486 --> 01:19:55,222 My parents are very, very conservative. 936 01:19:55,224 --> 01:19:57,458 Do you think they'd approve of me? 937 01:19:57,460 --> 01:20:01,562 The future pastor i met at Bible school? 938 01:20:01,564 --> 01:20:04,398 Yes, I think they'd approve. 939 01:20:40,569 --> 01:20:42,203 Rebekah. 940 01:20:42,938 --> 01:20:44,004 Hi. 941 01:20:44,006 --> 01:20:46,273 Hi. 942 01:20:47,275 --> 01:20:49,176 What? 943 01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:50,344 I just... 944 01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:53,380 Since when do you wear shirts like that? 945 01:20:53,382 --> 01:20:57,251 What? It's not inappropriate and it's hot out. 946 01:20:57,253 --> 01:21:03,324 You're here to serve our lord, not distract our men. 947 01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:07,528 I don't think I'm distracting anyone. 948 01:21:07,530 --> 01:21:08,963 Is this about Michael? 949 01:21:08,965 --> 01:21:13,367 We are not letting what we have get in the way of our studies. 950 01:21:13,369 --> 01:21:17,204 Besides, the lord brought us together. 951 01:21:17,505 --> 01:21:20,241 It's about his past. 952 01:21:20,243 --> 01:21:22,142 What about it? 953 01:21:22,944 --> 01:21:26,113 You really don't know? 954 01:21:26,948 --> 01:21:29,516 Know what? 955 01:21:50,205 --> 01:21:51,472 Rebekah. 956 01:21:51,474 --> 01:21:52,606 Oh. Hi. 957 01:21:52,608 --> 01:21:54,074 Are we still meeting? 958 01:21:54,076 --> 01:21:57,645 Yeah, just let me finish this. I'll be right there. 959 01:21:57,647 --> 01:22:01,415 Okay. I'll be in the cafeteria. 960 01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:03,417 Okay. 961 01:22:22,237 --> 01:22:25,539 I have something i have to tell you. 962 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,079 You already know, don't you? 963 01:22:35,150 --> 01:22:38,419 Are you still attracted to men? 964 01:22:38,421 --> 01:22:40,587 No. 965 01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,991 It's in the past. 966 01:22:43,993 --> 01:22:45,092 Okay, I... 967 01:22:45,094 --> 01:22:46,593 God showed me the light. 968 01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:48,429 He showed me the truth. 969 01:22:48,431 --> 01:22:53,167 A lot of people have pasts they're not proud of, 970 01:22:53,169 --> 01:22:57,504 but god forgives, right? 971 01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:01,608 My life has changed so much since I've met you. 972 01:23:01,610 --> 01:23:04,645 And my feelings for you are real. 973 01:23:04,647 --> 01:23:08,415 My feelings for you are real, too. 974 01:23:08,417 --> 01:23:15,022 But I feel like we should just keep hanging out and see what happens. 975 01:23:15,024 --> 01:23:19,526 Maybe not settle on anything too specific. 976 01:23:19,528 --> 01:23:22,396 If that's okay. 977 01:23:23,431 --> 01:23:25,733 Okay. 978 01:23:52,460 --> 01:23:56,196 Hi, I'm Michael. 979 01:24:30,698 --> 01:24:36,804 Now, I wanna tell you a little secret 980 01:24:36,806 --> 01:24:41,809 about a great gift from god. 981 01:24:42,644 --> 01:24:44,511 This gift is a human emotion 982 01:24:44,513 --> 01:24:49,850 and considered destructive by the enemies of god. 983 01:24:53,855 --> 01:24:55,289 Fear. 984 01:24:55,291 --> 01:25:01,361 You can never, never, never stop 985 01:25:01,363 --> 01:25:04,198 fearing yourself. 986 01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:08,302 We are our own worst enemies. 987 01:25:08,304 --> 01:25:15,642 And we must fear ourselves till the day we meet god himself. 988 01:25:16,144 --> 01:25:22,249 God didn't put us here to live our lives in constant fear. 989 01:25:22,251 --> 01:25:23,150 No, of course not. 990 01:25:23,152 --> 01:25:27,154 And then he scolded me for asking questions. 991 01:25:27,156 --> 01:25:28,622 Well, that's not fair. 992 01:25:28,624 --> 01:25:29,490 We're here to learn 993 01:25:29,492 --> 01:25:30,724 and we learn in part by asking questions. 994 01:25:30,726 --> 01:25:34,128 No, we're here to serve god, not to identify 995 01:25:34,130 --> 01:25:39,399 as the exact kind of christians they want us to be. 996 01:25:40,435 --> 01:25:41,768 I'm sorry. 997 01:25:41,770 --> 01:25:42,669 Don't be. 998 01:25:42,671 --> 01:25:48,175 You know what's best because that's god speaking through you. 999 01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:57,751 You wanted to see me? 1000 01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,754 Now, you've been rallying the students against us 1001 01:26:00,756 --> 01:26:05,826 as though you're being controlled by the devil himself. 1002 01:26:07,462 --> 01:26:10,831 I've learned a lot about the Bible here, 1003 01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,266 and for that I thank you. 1004 01:26:12,268 --> 01:26:18,505 But I refuse to be controlled by anyone other than god. 1005 01:26:18,507 --> 01:26:19,806 I follow my own path. 1006 01:26:19,808 --> 01:26:23,544 Yeah, and you want others to follow you. 1007 01:26:24,245 --> 01:26:26,947 Perhaps it's best if we mail you your diploma 1008 01:26:26,949 --> 01:26:30,817 and that you not attend the ceremony. 1009 01:26:35,190 --> 01:26:38,392 I don't know if i can stay here anymore. 1010 01:26:38,394 --> 01:26:40,961 Oh. Where will we go? 1011 01:26:42,730 --> 01:26:44,464 We? 1012 01:26:45,700 --> 01:26:50,470 Uh, I've been praying about it. 1013 01:26:50,472 --> 01:26:52,839 About us. 1014 01:26:52,841 --> 01:27:00,347 I told god how I feel about you and how much you mean to me. 1015 01:27:00,349 --> 01:27:02,282 And you know what? 1016 01:27:04,320 --> 01:27:07,921 I was consumed with nothing but peace. 1017 01:27:07,923 --> 01:27:11,258 Pure peace. 1018 01:27:14,463 --> 01:27:16,797 I love you. 1019 01:27:16,799 --> 01:27:19,399 I love you, too. 1020 01:27:52,267 --> 01:27:54,468 And be not conformed to this world: 1021 01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:58,705 But be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, 1022 01:27:58,707 --> 01:28:04,511 that you may prove that good, glorious, 1023 01:28:04,513 --> 01:28:07,547 and perfect will of god. 1024 01:28:08,717 --> 01:28:12,886 That you may know that good, acceptable, 1025 01:28:12,888 --> 01:28:15,622 and perfect will of god. 1026 01:28:44,452 --> 01:28:51,658 - Which would you prefer to have? - Frosted flakes or fruit loops? 1027 01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:53,493 Well, obviously fruit loops. 1028 01:28:53,495 --> 01:28:54,728 Why? Why obviously? 1029 01:28:54,730 --> 01:28:57,497 Well, you're a fruit loop. 1030 01:29:17,051 --> 01:29:18,919 There you are. 1031 01:29:18,921 --> 01:29:20,987 Are you okay? 1032 01:29:21,689 --> 01:29:24,524 Yeah, I'm fine. 1033 01:29:29,130 --> 01:29:30,564 Okay, got 'em. 1034 01:29:33,968 --> 01:29:35,702 You get everything? 1035 01:29:35,704 --> 01:29:37,070 Mm-hmm. 1036 01:29:39,407 --> 01:29:42,843 These are going to storage. 1037 01:29:48,683 --> 01:29:53,120 Well, so you can have a little more room for your shoes? 1038 01:29:53,122 --> 01:29:53,787 Shut up. 1039 01:29:53,789 --> 01:29:56,823 I have never seen anyone with more shoes than you. 1040 01:29:56,825 --> 01:29:59,793 You can never have too many shoes. 1041 01:30:11,439 --> 01:30:13,707 Get those out of here. 1042 01:30:32,860 --> 01:30:33,894 Hello? 1043 01:30:33,896 --> 01:30:35,695 Hi. 1044 01:30:40,135 --> 01:30:42,636 Hi. 1045 01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:45,906 How are you? 1046 01:30:45,908 --> 01:30:48,041 Good. 1047 01:30:48,043 --> 01:30:50,110 I finished school. 1048 01:30:50,112 --> 01:30:53,947 But I'm no longer on their path. 1049 01:30:54,882 --> 01:30:59,119 So what path are you on now? 1050 01:30:59,121 --> 01:31:00,086 My own. 1051 01:31:00,088 --> 01:31:04,558 I'm going to be the pastor of my own church. 1052 01:31:08,664 --> 01:31:11,498 Why are you calling? 1053 01:31:11,500 --> 01:31:12,799 Um... 1054 01:31:14,101 --> 01:31:15,769 I, uh... 1055 01:31:15,771 --> 01:31:18,104 I got the picture you sent of olly. 1056 01:31:18,106 --> 01:31:21,174 I know it was months ago, but I didn't respond. 1057 01:31:21,176 --> 01:31:24,077 So how is she? 1058 01:31:25,147 --> 01:31:27,514 Oh, she's getting old. 1059 01:31:27,516 --> 01:31:28,849 But she's okay. 1060 01:31:28,851 --> 01:31:29,649 She has this 1061 01:31:29,651 --> 01:31:32,519 stuffed animal that she carries around with her now 1062 01:31:32,521 --> 01:31:35,555 everywhere she goes like it's her baby. 1063 01:31:41,562 --> 01:31:42,662 Bennett... 1064 01:31:42,664 --> 01:31:46,800 I should tell you before someone else does. 1065 01:31:46,802 --> 01:31:48,802 I'm engaged. 1066 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:53,673 To a... Really amazing woman. 1067 01:31:53,941 --> 01:31:56,643 Now, I know what you're thinking because 1068 01:31:56,645 --> 01:31:59,079 I asked myself the same thing-- 1069 01:31:59,081 --> 01:32:00,514 am I really in love with her 1070 01:32:00,516 --> 01:32:05,151 or am I only doing this to be right in god's eyes? 1071 01:32:05,153 --> 01:32:10,690 And I'm truly in love with her, Bennett. 1072 01:32:11,659 --> 01:32:15,295 God went to the root of my same sex desires 1073 01:32:15,297 --> 01:32:16,997 and he uprooted them. 1074 01:32:16,999 --> 01:32:21,001 He demonstrated that they were abnormal. 1075 01:32:21,003 --> 01:32:21,801 Michael... 1076 01:32:21,803 --> 01:32:26,640 I'm really glad you think you're happy. 1077 01:32:28,109 --> 01:32:29,743 And I wish you all the best. 1078 01:32:29,745 --> 01:32:32,312 I really do. I think you know that. 1079 01:32:32,314 --> 01:32:36,950 But I have no idea why you would call me up 1080 01:32:36,952 --> 01:32:39,819 and use words like "abnormal." 1081 01:32:40,922 --> 01:32:45,559 I'm so sorry for the way that things went down. 1082 01:32:45,561 --> 01:32:48,762 But just because we don't 1083 01:32:48,764 --> 01:32:49,663 share certain beliefs, 1084 01:32:49,665 --> 01:32:54,868 it doesn't mean that we can't still be friends. 1085 01:32:57,071 --> 01:33:00,006 I'll always be your friend. 1086 01:33:01,609 --> 01:33:05,245 And I really hope that this path 1087 01:33:05,247 --> 01:33:08,348 takes you where you wanna go. 1088 01:33:09,717 --> 01:33:12,819 But I also hope that... 1089 01:33:12,821 --> 01:33:15,889 As you're setting out to help other people... 1090 01:33:15,891 --> 01:33:20,594 That you really take some time to help yourself. 1091 01:33:23,297 --> 01:33:26,132 I-i am. I... 1092 01:33:26,134 --> 01:33:29,636 I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know 1093 01:33:29,638 --> 01:33:33,206 I'll be this way for the rest of my life. 1094 01:33:33,208 --> 01:33:36,876 We're always changing, evolving. 1095 01:33:36,878 --> 01:33:40,246 And I'm open to that. 1096 01:33:45,087 --> 01:33:47,253 Then... 1097 01:33:47,255 --> 01:33:51,725 I guess nothing's really changed. 1098 01:33:51,727 --> 01:33:54,928 Yeah. 1099 01:33:55,129 --> 01:33:58,398 You take care of yourself, okay? 1100 01:34:00,868 --> 01:34:03,703 Goodbye, Michael. 1101 01:34:06,974 --> 01:34:07,974 Bye. 1102 01:34:53,155 --> 01:34:55,055 Here they come.