WEBVTT FILE 1 00:01:00.460 --> 00:01:04.129 Hi, I'm Michael. 2 00:01:05.265 --> 00:01:06.832 Paul. 3 00:01:08.635 --> 00:01:11.837 I hear you're having some trouble. 4 00:01:14.674 --> 00:01:16.842 It's okay. 5 00:01:17.677 --> 00:01:19.678 It's okay. 6 00:01:20.847 --> 00:01:22.781 I just... 7 00:01:22.783 --> 00:01:25.751 Don't understand... 8 00:01:25.753 --> 00:01:29.154 Why god made me like this. 9 00:01:29.156 --> 00:01:31.223 He didn't. 10 00:01:31.225 --> 00:01:33.292 Trust me. 11 00:01:34.694 --> 00:01:36.395 Let me tell you something. 12 00:01:36.397 --> 00:01:38.397 You should never define yourself 13 00:01:38.399 --> 00:01:40.833 by your choices or your desires. 14 00:01:40.835 --> 00:01:46.438 Gay doesn't exist. It's a false identity. 15 00:01:46.440 --> 00:01:50.542 This isn't my choice. Why would I choose this? 16 00:01:50.544 --> 00:01:53.245 You always have a choice. 17 00:01:55.315 --> 00:01:58.117 You wanna go to heaven, right? 18 00:01:58.119 --> 00:01:59.218 Yes. 19 00:01:59.220 --> 00:02:00.886 If you're a moral person, 20 00:02:00.888 --> 00:02:04.323 then you'll choose heterosexuality 21 00:02:04.325 --> 00:02:07.126 in order to be with god. 22 00:02:41.928 --> 00:02:42.895 Hey. 23 00:02:42.897 --> 00:02:43.862 Hey. Hey. 24 00:02:43.864 --> 00:02:44.930 Where you going? 25 00:02:44.932 --> 00:02:47.299 I'm gonna make us breakfast. 26 00:02:47.301 --> 00:02:47.933 No. 27 00:02:47.935 --> 00:02:48.734 Yeah, come on. 28 00:02:48.736 --> 00:02:51.570 Breakfast is the most important part of the day. 29 00:02:51.572 --> 00:02:54.306 I'll have muffins at my meeting. 30 00:02:54.308 --> 00:02:55.807 Muffins? 31 00:02:55.809 --> 00:02:57.876 Yeah, muffins. 32 00:02:57.878 --> 00:02:59.278 Blueberry. 33 00:02:59.280 --> 00:03:01.547 Mmm, blueberry. 34 00:03:01.549 --> 00:03:04.583 Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay? 35 00:03:04.585 --> 00:03:06.418 Mmm, morning breath. 36 00:03:06.420 --> 00:03:10.856 Oh, stop it! Get off! 37 00:03:50.763 --> 00:03:53.265 It's so cool that you work at XY. 38 00:03:53.267 --> 00:03:53.966 Yeah. Yeah, it's rad. 39 00:03:53.968 --> 00:03:58.270 You guys are like the only cool gay magazine out there right now. 40 00:03:58.272 --> 00:04:00.439 Oh, yeah, sort of. 41 00:04:26.966 --> 00:04:28.433 Hey, listen up, queens. 42 00:04:28.435 --> 00:04:31.470 XY magazine is taking over! 43 00:04:31.472 --> 00:04:33.705 It's our time to shine! 44 00:05:01.501 --> 00:05:03.902 Matthew Shepard was an openly gay man. 45 00:05:03.904 --> 00:05:07.306 When he went to a laramie, Wyoming bar last week, 46 00:05:07.308 --> 00:05:09.708 these two suspects lured him outside, 47 00:05:09.710 --> 00:05:10.742 pretending to be gay. 48 00:05:10.744 --> 00:05:13.078 Now they're charged with a vicious attack 49 00:05:13.080 --> 00:05:14.846 that left Shepard hanging on this fence 50 00:05:14.848 --> 00:05:17.316 for 18 hours in freezing temperatures. 51 00:05:17.318 --> 00:05:20.485 Shepard remained on life support until this morning 52 00:05:20.487 --> 00:05:21.486 when he passed away. 53 00:05:21.488 --> 00:05:24.356 Shepard's family is grateful for support 54 00:05:24.358 --> 00:05:26.391 from around the world. 55 00:05:36.669 --> 00:05:38.470 They killed him because they were afraid, 56 00:05:38.472 --> 00:05:41.873 and they were afraid because of what their churches tell them 57 00:05:41.875 --> 00:05:44.543 and because of what they see in movies. 58 00:05:44.545 --> 00:05:45.777 It's fucking ridiculous. 59 00:05:45.779 --> 00:05:47.112 I hope they get the death penalty. 60 00:05:47.114 --> 00:05:49.915 You're against the death penalty. Not in this case. 61 00:05:49.917 --> 00:05:51.083 That's like being for free speech 62 00:05:51.085 --> 00:05:53.819 until someone tells you something that pisses you off. 63 00:05:53.821 --> 00:05:54.619 He died a slow death 64 00:05:54.621 --> 00:05:56.888 after being tied to a fence and tortured. 65 00:05:56.890 --> 00:05:58.590 Exactly, a slow death is way more painful. 66 00:05:58.592 --> 00:06:00.726 They should spend the rest of their lives in prison. 67 00:06:00.728 --> 00:06:03.695 Okay, look, we need to move away from labels 68 00:06:03.697 --> 00:06:06.698 because they segment and they lead to persecution. 69 00:06:06.700 --> 00:06:10.869 People don't wanna be perceived as gay because... 70 00:06:10.871 --> 00:06:13.872 They're afraid they'll end up like Matthew. 71 00:06:13.874 --> 00:06:15.540 But we are a gay magazine. 72 00:06:15.542 --> 00:06:17.676 Identifying as gay is being part of a community. 73 00:06:17.678 --> 00:06:19.077 It's recognition, it's progress... 74 00:06:19.079 --> 00:06:22.948 We've been telling the kids in the magazine to come out, to be proud to be gay. 75 00:06:22.950 --> 00:06:24.616 They should be proud to be themselves. 76 00:06:24.618 --> 00:06:28.120 Gay and straight are just social constructs. 77 00:06:28.122 --> 00:06:30.122 Ugh. God, you and your queer theory. 78 00:06:30.124 --> 00:06:33.859 Class is in session with professor Michael glatze. 79 00:06:33.861 --> 00:06:34.826 Shut up. 80 00:06:34.828 --> 00:06:36.061 Okay, okay, look. 81 00:06:36.063 --> 00:06:37.429 We need to put out the message 82 00:06:37.431 --> 00:06:39.898 that being attracted to the same sex 83 00:06:39.900 --> 00:06:43.535 doesn't define who you are. 84 00:06:53.479 --> 00:06:54.079 Hey. 85 00:06:54.915 --> 00:06:57.916 Have you been smoking? 86 00:06:58.551 --> 00:06:59.551 Just one. 87 00:06:59.553 --> 00:07:00.619 Small one. 88 00:07:00.621 --> 00:07:02.788 It was a small cigarette. 89 00:07:02.790 --> 00:07:06.792 Busted. 90 00:07:08.995 --> 00:07:10.061 Letters to the editor. 91 00:07:10.063 --> 00:07:13.965 Ninety percent are some poor teen with religious parents. 92 00:07:13.967 --> 00:07:18.870 Fucking Christian fundamentalists should burn in hell. 93 00:07:19.739 --> 00:07:20.772 Uh, okay. 94 00:07:20.774 --> 00:07:25.110 In the meantime, there is a design competition 95 00:07:25.112 --> 00:07:28.180 for the halifax international airport. 96 00:07:28.182 --> 00:07:29.481 I don't wanna move to halifax. 97 00:07:29.483 --> 00:07:33.018 I know, but my father wants me to head up the bid committee. 98 00:07:33.020 --> 00:07:33.985 It's huge. 99 00:07:33.987 --> 00:07:35.821 Halifax is so boring. 100 00:07:35.823 --> 00:07:37.756 Your hometown is boring. 101 00:07:37.758 --> 00:07:38.690 It's not. 102 00:07:38.692 --> 00:07:39.458 Olympia? Yeah. 103 00:07:39.460 --> 00:07:43.528 It's all trees and fog and coffee. 104 00:07:43.530 --> 00:07:45.130 And the birthplace of the riot grrrl movement 105 00:07:45.132 --> 00:07:49.134 and where Kurt cobain wrote most of nevermind. 106 00:07:49.136 --> 00:07:50.769 Oh, well... 107 00:07:50.771 --> 00:07:52.571 Yeah. In that case... 108 00:07:52.573 --> 00:07:54.206 But it's unsustainable here, 109 00:07:54.208 --> 00:07:55.874 unless you're in the dot-com movement, 110 00:07:55.876 --> 00:08:00.745 and I don't wanna live in a studio on mission street 111 00:08:00.747 --> 00:08:01.847 when we're 50. 112 00:08:01.849 --> 00:08:02.714 Well, we won't be. 113 00:08:02.716 --> 00:08:06.985 We'll be in a big mansion on a hill. Duh. 114 00:08:09.189 --> 00:08:11.623 May 21st, 2000. 115 00:08:11.625 --> 00:08:13.859 I used to imagine myself growing old 116 00:08:13.861 --> 00:08:17.195 while living in a house atop a hill in the Castro, 117 00:08:17.197 --> 00:08:18.663 but what's more important to me 118 00:08:18.665 --> 00:08:21.933 is growing old with the love of my life: 119 00:08:21.935 --> 00:08:22.667 Bennett. 120 00:08:22.669 --> 00:08:24.769 So I'm leaving San Francisco 121 00:08:24.771 --> 00:08:26.805 to live in halifax, Canada. 122 00:08:26.807 --> 00:08:29.541 Although I'm sad to leave XY magazine, 123 00:08:29.543 --> 00:08:32.711 I'm excited to finally accept the speaking offers 124 00:08:32.713 --> 00:08:34.279 I've been receiving this past year, 125 00:08:34.281 --> 00:08:37.682 thanks to my work as a writer and activist. 126 00:08:37.684 --> 00:08:39.784 What a lot of people aren't aware of 127 00:08:39.786 --> 00:08:42.687 is that the terms "heterosexual" and "homosexual" 128 00:08:42.689 --> 00:08:46.191 were only introduced about a hundred years ago. 129 00:08:46.193 --> 00:08:49.661 As my mother used to always say, 130 00:08:49.663 --> 00:08:50.829 "when you help others, 131 00:08:50.831 --> 00:08:52.264 you're helping yourself as well." 132 00:08:52.266 --> 00:08:54.866 We often read about more sexually... 133 00:08:54.868 --> 00:08:56.701 My goal is to thread a needle 134 00:08:56.703 --> 00:08:58.537 through the fabric of this country 135 00:08:58.539 --> 00:09:03.108 and stitch together the lives of gay kids everywhere. 136 00:09:03.110 --> 00:09:03.975 I know a lot of you 137 00:09:03.977 --> 00:09:06.912 are balancing religion and sexuality, 138 00:09:06.914 --> 00:09:08.046 but I mean, come on, 139 00:09:08.048 --> 00:09:13.618 what god would punish you for finding love? 140 00:10:04.637 --> 00:10:08.373 This is where I spread my mom's ashes. 141 00:10:23.656 --> 00:10:25.156 Oh, my god. 142 00:10:25.158 --> 00:10:27.926 She's still here. 143 00:10:42.274 --> 00:10:44.409 Mom, I'm gonna stay here with you. 144 00:10:44.411 --> 00:10:45.243 No. 145 00:10:45.245 --> 00:10:46.077 Don't be stubborn. 146 00:10:46.079 --> 00:10:49.714 You are not skipping a semester to be with me. 147 00:10:49.716 --> 00:10:51.216 I can help you through this. 148 00:10:51.218 --> 00:10:55.220 I'm gonna be fine. I told you. 149 00:10:55.222 --> 00:10:57.789 I feel better. 150 00:10:57.791 --> 00:11:00.358 Really, Michael. 151 00:11:02.228 --> 00:11:04.796 I am so proud of you. 152 00:11:04.798 --> 00:11:07.899 I love you so much. 153 00:11:07.901 --> 00:11:10.835 Hmm. I love you. 154 00:11:19.145 --> 00:11:21.780 I should've stayed. 155 00:11:23.250 --> 00:11:24.249 Everyone kept saying, 156 00:11:24.251 --> 00:11:29.888 "don't worry, we're praying for her, don't worry." 157 00:11:32.792 --> 00:11:35.126 Everyone's gonna die. 158 00:11:36.462 --> 00:11:40.832 No amount of praying is ever gonna change that. 159 00:12:00.287 --> 00:12:02.754 You're not getting up yet. Five minutes more. 160 00:12:02.756 --> 00:12:06.257 I can't believe I'm approaching my one-year anniversary 161 00:12:06.259 --> 00:12:09.127 here in halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. 162 00:12:09.129 --> 00:12:13.131 The food is amazing, especially the Sushi. 163 00:12:13.133 --> 00:12:18.369 The people are friendly and although the gay community 164 00:12:18.371 --> 00:12:19.904 is much smaller than San Francisco, 165 00:12:19.906 --> 00:12:24.843 I have some big plans to really make an impact. 166 00:12:36.155 --> 00:12:38.757 What's wrong with you? 167 00:12:38.759 --> 00:12:40.191 Nothing. 168 00:12:42.329 --> 00:12:43.928 Look, I have to find something else to do. 169 00:12:43.930 --> 00:12:47.899 I'm just not cut out for administrative work. 170 00:12:47.901 --> 00:12:49.768 Give it some time? 171 00:12:49.770 --> 00:12:51.369 I have things i wanna do. 172 00:12:51.371 --> 00:12:54.072 I want my own magazine. I want something bigger. 173 00:12:54.074 --> 00:12:55.774 I want... I want to influence people. 174 00:12:55.776 --> 00:12:58.009 I can't do that here. You're being such a shit. 175 00:12:58.011 --> 00:13:00.345 We made the decision to leave San Francisco together. 176 00:13:00.347 --> 00:13:01.179 No, we didn't. 177 00:13:01.181 --> 00:13:02.413 I mean, you had to take this job. 178 00:13:02.415 --> 00:13:04.883 Just like you had to take the job that took us to San Francisco. 179 00:13:04.885 --> 00:13:10.388 Which is how you got your job at XY, so you should be thanking me. 180 00:13:12.158 --> 00:13:12.924 Is this... 181 00:13:12.926 --> 00:13:15.059 This is supposed to be Mexican food? 182 00:13:15.061 --> 00:13:17.996 Why don't you go to the store and make your own food? 183 00:13:17.998 --> 00:13:18.563 Maybe I will. 184 00:13:18.565 --> 00:13:20.165 You'll have to ask me for money, though, 185 00:13:20.167 --> 00:13:23.468 'cause you don't have any, remember? 186 00:13:37.983 --> 00:13:39.250 Thanks. 187 00:14:07.179 --> 00:14:08.446 Hey. 188 00:14:10.182 --> 00:14:11.249 Hey. 189 00:14:11.251 --> 00:14:13.484 You're Mike, right? 190 00:14:14.220 --> 00:14:15.386 Uh, yeah. 191 00:14:15.388 --> 00:14:20.225 The XY survivor guide really helped me out. 192 00:14:20.359 --> 00:14:22.427 Are you stalking me or something? 193 00:14:23.964 --> 00:14:25.597 Tyler. 194 00:14:25.599 --> 00:14:26.598 Hi. 195 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:27.265 Hi. 196 00:14:27.267 --> 00:14:29.868 I just... I wanted you to know 197 00:14:29.870 --> 00:14:31.636 I agree with everything that you say 198 00:14:31.638 --> 00:14:34.305 about gay identity and sexuality. 199 00:14:34.307 --> 00:14:39.110 I don't wanna be put into a box just because I'm gay. 200 00:14:39.112 --> 00:14:41.079 You don't wanna be in a box? 201 00:14:41.081 --> 00:14:43.348 No, I don't wanna be in a box. 202 00:14:44.618 --> 00:14:47.585 You're so fucking cute. 203 00:14:47.587 --> 00:14:49.454 Can I buy you a drink? 204 00:14:49.456 --> 00:14:51.489 Don't you have a boyfriend? 205 00:14:51.491 --> 00:14:56.527 Hmm... He'll think you're cute, too. 206 00:15:44.543 --> 00:15:46.477 It's a galaxy. 207 00:15:46.479 --> 00:15:48.513 Uh, actually it's a spiral. 208 00:15:48.515 --> 00:15:50.949 It's the only symbol that means anything. 209 00:15:50.951 --> 00:15:53.451 It's infinite, no beginning, no end. 210 00:15:53.453 --> 00:15:55.687 There's a beginning and there's an end. 211 00:15:55.689 --> 00:15:57.622 All right, well, there's a more complicated one 212 00:15:57.624 --> 00:15:58.957 that has no beginning and no end, 213 00:15:58.959 --> 00:16:01.659 but I can't do it on my pancakes, okay? 214 00:16:05.130 --> 00:16:07.398 How did you guys meet? 215 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:09.334 How did we meet? 216 00:16:09.336 --> 00:16:10.401 Uh, San Francisco. 217 00:16:10.403 --> 00:16:13.104 We volunteered at this aids prevention organization. 218 00:16:13.106 --> 00:16:17.642 And we both got arrested protesting this Christian coalition event. 219 00:16:17.644 --> 00:16:21.212 Which is how I knew it was true love. 220 00:16:21.214 --> 00:16:23.381 Awesome. 221 00:16:23.383 --> 00:16:27.618 How about you? What's your deal? 222 00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:29.587 Who are you? 223 00:16:29.589 --> 00:16:30.588 Uh... 224 00:16:30.590 --> 00:16:32.590 I'm a physics student. 225 00:16:32.592 --> 00:16:34.459 Really? Yeah. 226 00:16:34.461 --> 00:16:35.259 Physics. Science. 227 00:16:35.261 --> 00:16:40.465 Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut, but that's probably a long shot. 228 00:16:40.467 --> 00:16:45.103 Oh, god. I'd be terrified to go into space. 229 00:16:45.105 --> 00:16:46.738 It's just, to me, 230 00:16:46.740 --> 00:16:50.208 earth is just this, like, tiny speck in the universe. 231 00:16:50.210 --> 00:16:55.246 And humans have only been around for just a speck of that timeline. 232 00:16:55.248 --> 00:16:56.414 So it's just... 233 00:16:56.416 --> 00:17:02.620 There has to be more to life than just this, don't you think? 234 00:17:05.090 --> 00:17:07.225 Totally. 235 00:17:08.761 --> 00:17:11.629 Totally. 236 00:17:11.764 --> 00:17:15.266 So Tyler was really cute, huh? 237 00:17:16.101 --> 00:17:17.735 Interesting. Mm-hmm. 238 00:17:17.737 --> 00:17:20.038 It is interesting, isn't it? 239 00:17:20.040 --> 00:17:20.772 Very interesting. 240 00:17:20.774 --> 00:17:23.041 You know why? 241 00:17:23.043 --> 00:17:25.810 Because I love you so much. 242 00:17:26.546 --> 00:17:29.080 And I really feel like we're at a place in our relationship 243 00:17:29.082 --> 00:17:32.083 where there's more than enough love to go around. 244 00:17:32.619 --> 00:17:34.585 And I know that I'm not afraid of that 245 00:17:34.587 --> 00:17:36.421 and I don't think that you are either. 246 00:17:36.423 --> 00:17:39.290 Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid. 247 00:17:39.292 --> 00:17:40.525 Well, you shouldn't be afraid 248 00:17:40.527 --> 00:17:44.195 because I'm here to protect you. Why? 249 00:17:51.537 --> 00:17:53.271 Carrot thief. 250 00:17:53.405 --> 00:17:59.110 Here's our very uncool soccer mom Van. 251 00:17:59.112 --> 00:18:00.445 Whoo! 252 00:18:00.447 --> 00:18:03.815 Who are these guys? 253 00:18:03.817 --> 00:18:06.350 July 23rd, 2002. 254 00:18:06.352 --> 00:18:07.452 Road trip. Road trip. 255 00:18:07.454 --> 00:18:10.855 I'm driving across America with Bennett and Tyler 256 00:18:10.857 --> 00:18:15.426 for an exciting new project I'm working on. 257 00:18:15.428 --> 00:18:16.427 I guess both beds are taken. 258 00:18:16.429 --> 00:18:19.163 I don't know where you're gonna sleep. 259 00:18:19.165 --> 00:18:23.334 Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. 260 00:18:25.371 --> 00:18:29.207 This is the most fun I've ever had in my whole life. 261 00:18:29.209 --> 00:18:31.442 Really? No. 262 00:18:31.878 --> 00:18:33.778 We are making a documentary 263 00:18:33.780 --> 00:18:35.313 about queer youth in America, 264 00:18:35.315 --> 00:18:39.383 because discrimination against lgbt youth 265 00:18:39.385 --> 00:18:40.885 must be eliminated. 266 00:18:40.887 --> 00:18:45.490 I just wish people could see that these kids have faces, 267 00:18:45.492 --> 00:18:49.293 names, and voices that need to be heard. 268 00:18:49.295 --> 00:18:54.398 Growing up in the church and realizing that you're gay 269 00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:55.833 is very difficult. 270 00:18:55.835 --> 00:18:59.837 You know, your family has never talked about it. 271 00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:00.872 I mean, I'm 13 272 00:19:00.874 --> 00:19:02.540 and it's the first time I've heard the word. 273 00:19:02.542 --> 00:19:06.711 And when I heard the word and knew what it was, 274 00:19:06.713 --> 00:19:10.281 then it was like, "hey, I know that. 275 00:19:10.283 --> 00:19:13.818 I understand that. That's me." 276 00:19:13.820 --> 00:19:15.419 My mom, she's trying. 277 00:19:15.421 --> 00:19:16.821 She's like really in the closet about it. 278 00:19:16.823 --> 00:19:18.589 She won't mention it to anybody or anything like that. 279 00:19:18.591 --> 00:19:20.625 Like, she tries to still act like I'm straight 280 00:19:20.627 --> 00:19:23.928 and expects me to act like I'm straight along with her 281 00:19:23.930 --> 00:19:24.862 when I'm not like that. 282 00:19:24.864 --> 00:19:27.465 And this was probably more overwhelming 283 00:19:27.467 --> 00:19:31.235 when I tried to kill myself, uh... 284 00:19:31.237 --> 00:19:35.439 But I felt so invisible 285 00:19:35.441 --> 00:19:38.476 to everyone around me who was straight. 286 00:19:38.478 --> 00:19:41.879 There are times when I realize 287 00:19:41.881 --> 00:19:48.619 that I'm just as much a creation of god as everyone else. 288 00:19:50.522 --> 00:19:53.491 Olympia, Washington. 289 00:19:53.493 --> 00:19:54.892 This is kind of somber. 290 00:19:54.894 --> 00:19:58.829 But even though I grew up here, 291 00:19:58.831 --> 00:20:04.435 because both my parents don't live anymore, 292 00:20:04.437 --> 00:20:06.871 it feels like this place is a part of a past 293 00:20:06.873 --> 00:20:08.940 that doesn't exist anymore. 294 00:20:08.942 --> 00:20:12.310 And I wasn't gay here. 295 00:20:12.312 --> 00:20:13.311 I mean, you couldn't be. 296 00:20:13.313 --> 00:20:15.780 There was this kid that everyone just thought was gay 297 00:20:15.782 --> 00:20:21.786 and he had to leave school 'cause he got picked on so much. 298 00:20:30.696 --> 00:20:32.630 What's it like here? 299 00:20:32.632 --> 00:20:33.898 Liberty is falwell territory. 300 00:20:33.900 --> 00:20:39.370 So as you can imagine, it's not very gay-friendly. 301 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:44.575 So why do you stay? 302 00:20:44.577 --> 00:20:45.943 Uh... 303 00:20:48.780 --> 00:20:49.680 Well, I... 304 00:20:49.682 --> 00:20:50.881 I don't know. I, um... 305 00:20:50.883 --> 00:20:53.484 I didn't come out to friends and family 306 00:20:53.486 --> 00:20:54.719 until last year. 307 00:20:54.721 --> 00:20:59.590 And I have another year before I graduate. 308 00:20:59.592 --> 00:21:01.492 I'm a Christian. 309 00:21:01.494 --> 00:21:02.560 So... 310 00:21:02.562 --> 00:21:04.829 Which a lot of people think is impossible, 311 00:21:04.831 --> 00:21:06.897 but I think that's just as ridiculous 312 00:21:06.899 --> 00:21:10.368 as the anti-gay right, so... 313 00:21:12.739 --> 00:21:14.605 Just a second. 314 00:21:15.974 --> 00:21:16.674 Hey, sof. 315 00:21:16.676 --> 00:21:19.510 Do you want us to call them for you? 316 00:21:20.280 --> 00:21:23.381 We're just gonna... We're gonna wait with you until he comes, okay? 317 00:21:23.383 --> 00:21:28.819 Her mother just passed. Do you mind not filming us? 318 00:21:28.821 --> 00:21:29.553 So awful. 319 00:21:29.555 --> 00:21:32.423 Here, let's pray. Let's pray for her, okay? 320 00:21:32.425 --> 00:21:33.624 All right, turn it off. 321 00:21:33.626 --> 00:21:34.692 We just wanna ask, father, 322 00:21:34.694 --> 00:21:36.060 that you would just give her the strength 323 00:21:36.062 --> 00:21:39.730 to get through this incredibly difficult time 324 00:21:39.732 --> 00:21:42.600 and we pray that you would just fill us all 325 00:21:42.602 --> 00:21:44.935 with the compassion to know what she must be going through 326 00:21:44.937 --> 00:21:48.606 because it would be impossible for us to fully comprehend. 327 00:21:48.608 --> 00:21:51.008 Just show her yourself, father, during this time 328 00:21:51.010 --> 00:21:54.545 and look to you right now, father... 329 00:22:14.666 --> 00:22:15.933 Hey. 330 00:22:16.968 --> 00:22:18.102 Babe. 331 00:22:18.104 --> 00:22:20.571 We gotta go. We gotta be there at 9:30. You ready? 332 00:22:20.573 --> 00:22:23.774 Yeah. All right. See you in the car. 333 00:22:27.746 --> 00:22:30.448 I didn't come out to friends and family 334 00:22:30.450 --> 00:22:32.383 until last year. 335 00:22:32.385 --> 00:22:33.951 I'm a Christian. 336 00:22:33.953 --> 00:22:35.052 So... 337 00:22:35.054 --> 00:22:37.421 Which a lot of people think is impossible, 338 00:22:37.423 --> 00:22:39.657 but I think that's just as ridiculous 339 00:22:39.659 --> 00:22:43.594 as the anti-gay right, so... 340 00:22:43.795 --> 00:22:50.034 When I was young, I didn't know that there were people like me. 341 00:22:50.036 --> 00:22:54.038 I felt lost, alone, and confused. 342 00:22:54.040 --> 00:22:58.576 I never even told my mother, my best friend, that I was gay 343 00:22:58.578 --> 00:23:01.112 because I was afraid she wouldn't accept me. 344 00:23:01.114 --> 00:23:03.547 That's why we're on this journey: 345 00:23:03.549 --> 00:23:07.752 To let gay kids know that they are not alone. 346 00:23:07.754 --> 00:23:11.489 And you know what? I learned a lot as well. 347 00:23:11.491 --> 00:23:14.024 Because we met so many amazing people 348 00:23:14.026 --> 00:23:15.860 who've heard their parents or pastors 349 00:23:15.862 --> 00:23:18.863 tell them they're wrong and yet they've come 350 00:23:18.865 --> 00:23:21.599 to the realization that they're beautiful, 351 00:23:21.601 --> 00:23:26.036 blessed, and that god loves them just as they are. 352 00:23:26.038 --> 00:23:30.541 I mean, people who believe that homosexuality is wrong 353 00:23:30.543 --> 00:23:36.680 are gonna change their minds thanks to this next generation. 354 00:24:39.611 --> 00:24:43.914 The sky is fucking beautiful. 355 00:24:46.219 --> 00:24:49.253 What is this, babe? 356 00:24:49.255 --> 00:24:50.754 Hmm? 357 00:24:51.857 --> 00:24:52.690 Oh, it's stupid. 358 00:24:52.692 --> 00:24:55.059 Just somebody gave it to me on the street. 359 00:24:55.061 --> 00:24:58.696 "Where will we go when we die?" 360 00:24:58.698 --> 00:25:01.165 Baby. 361 00:25:01.167 --> 00:25:03.767 You guys, where will we go when we die? 362 00:25:03.769 --> 00:25:07.705 In 2012, the world is supposed to end. 363 00:25:07.707 --> 00:25:09.673 Is that a real thing? 364 00:25:09.675 --> 00:25:11.141 I hope not. 365 00:25:11.143 --> 00:25:12.843 Everyone knows this. 366 00:25:12.845 --> 00:25:16.013 It's what they drew on the Mayan calendar. 367 00:25:16.015 --> 00:25:18.516 You know, the Mayan calendar thing. 368 00:25:18.518 --> 00:25:21.919 That's what they drew. It was the moon and the sun. 369 00:26:14.639 --> 00:26:17.875 What? I'm curious. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 370 00:26:17.877 --> 00:26:21.211 We wanna know. Please. We wanna know. Please. 371 00:26:21.213 --> 00:26:24.281 I don't think they wanna know. 372 00:26:41.232 --> 00:26:42.900 Mike. 373 00:26:45.236 --> 00:26:47.738 You guys go on. I'll meet you at home. 374 00:26:47.740 --> 00:26:49.707 You okay? 375 00:26:49.709 --> 00:26:50.941 Yeah, I'm fine. 376 00:26:50.943 --> 00:26:53.210 Where are you going? 377 00:26:53.212 --> 00:26:55.679 Michael? 378 00:26:55.814 --> 00:27:00.751 What's that about? I have absolutely no earthly idea. 379 00:27:43.062 --> 00:27:44.828 Baby. 380 00:27:45.163 --> 00:27:50.067 I was worried about you today. What's going on? 381 00:27:54.874 --> 00:27:56.940 It's stupid. 382 00:27:56.942 --> 00:28:00.711 Baby, nothing's stupid. Tell me what. 383 00:28:03.348 --> 00:28:09.053 Do you think when we die, 384 00:28:09.055 --> 00:28:14.124 we just disappear like we never existed? 385 00:28:17.762 --> 00:28:20.297 No, I don't think that. 386 00:28:20.765 --> 00:28:24.468 Because I know that we'll always be together. 387 00:28:26.838 --> 00:28:28.305 Baby. 388 00:28:35.346 --> 00:28:36.380 Baby. 389 00:28:36.382 --> 00:28:40.050 Baby, you're okay. I'm here. 390 00:28:57.068 --> 00:29:00.838 Let's pray for her. Let's pray. 391 00:29:13.218 --> 00:29:14.852 Bennett! 392 00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:16.987 Bennett! 393 00:29:19.925 --> 00:29:20.991 I'm really lightheaded. 394 00:29:20.993 --> 00:29:26.930 It's okay. It's okay. We're almost there. We're almost there. 395 00:29:40.545 --> 00:29:41.278 Okay. 396 00:29:41.280 --> 00:29:46.884 Your heartrate seems to have returned back to normal. 397 00:29:46.886 --> 00:29:48.018 Can you check again? 398 00:29:48.020 --> 00:29:50.888 Just because your father had hcm does not mean that you have it. 399 00:29:50.890 --> 00:29:56.360 We followed our chest pain protocol and there's nothing abnormal. 400 00:29:56.362 --> 00:30:00.130 You had a panic attack. Okay? 401 00:30:02.167 --> 00:30:03.967 Where's Bennett? 402 00:30:03.969 --> 00:30:04.902 He's in the lobby. 403 00:30:04.904 --> 00:30:09.006 As soon as you're checked out, you can see him. 404 00:30:09.541 --> 00:30:10.541 All right? 405 00:30:10.543 --> 00:30:12.109 Thank you. 406 00:30:17.149 --> 00:30:18.115 I was 13 years old, 407 00:30:18.117 --> 00:30:20.250 walking along the beach with my father, 408 00:30:20.252 --> 00:30:22.252 when he suddenly collapsed and died 409 00:30:22.254 --> 00:30:25.589 from an unexpected heart condition. 410 00:30:28.459 --> 00:30:30.327 If I've inherited his disease, 411 00:30:30.329 --> 00:30:33.597 the same thing could happen to me. 412 00:30:34.499 --> 00:30:36.500 What's wrong, baby? 413 00:30:36.502 --> 00:30:39.169 It's happening again. I can feel it. 414 00:30:39.171 --> 00:30:43.106 The tests confirmed that-- they don't know. 415 00:30:43.108 --> 00:30:45.042 They don't care. 416 00:30:45.878 --> 00:30:49.546 Now I'm having heart palpitations all the time. 417 00:30:49.548 --> 00:30:52.883 And contrary to what the doctors keep saying, 418 00:30:52.885 --> 00:30:56.954 I just know they aren't panic attacks. 419 00:30:57.155 --> 00:30:58.989 After months of fighting with my insurance, 420 00:30:58.991 --> 00:31:01.291 I was finally allowed to see a specialist 421 00:31:01.293 --> 00:31:03.527 who could definitively test whether or not 422 00:31:03.529 --> 00:31:07.064 I inherited my father's condition. 423 00:31:07.332 --> 00:31:10.167 Now I have to wait for the results. 424 00:31:10.169 --> 00:31:13.904 Michael, just calm down. Calm down! 425 00:31:13.906 --> 00:31:15.038 Do you know what this disease means? 426 00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:19.076 It means i could die any minute, just drop dead! 427 00:31:19.078 --> 00:31:21.044 You calm down! 428 00:33:59.504 --> 00:34:01.204 Dr. Williams? 429 00:34:01.206 --> 00:34:02.572 Hi. 430 00:34:25.096 --> 00:34:26.830 Thank you, god. 431 00:34:31.102 --> 00:34:32.836 Thank you, god. 432 00:34:36.140 --> 00:34:37.074 The test confirmed 433 00:34:37.076 --> 00:34:40.310 that I did not inherit my father's heart condition. 434 00:34:40.312 --> 00:34:44.448 Although it's a massive sigh of relief, 435 00:34:44.450 --> 00:34:46.516 I keep thinking to myself... 436 00:34:46.518 --> 00:34:50.520 If I was really just having panic attacks, 437 00:34:50.522 --> 00:34:52.856 then what's wrong with me? 438 00:34:52.858 --> 00:34:55.659 What am I afraid of? 439 00:35:00.164 --> 00:35:03.100 All I know is that when faced with your own death, 440 00:35:03.102 --> 00:35:05.702 it reminds you of what's important in life. 441 00:35:05.704 --> 00:35:10.607 And for me, that's helping other people. 442 00:35:11.609 --> 00:35:12.309 Okay. 443 00:35:12.311 --> 00:35:16.146 So I've decided to start my own magazine. 444 00:35:16.148 --> 00:35:19.249 I'm calling it yga. 445 00:35:19.251 --> 00:35:20.217 Young gay Americans. 446 00:35:20.219 --> 00:35:24.254 It's gonna be the biggest and most sophisticated magazine 447 00:35:24.256 --> 00:35:28.892 aimed at improving the lives of lgbt youth. 448 00:36:15.640 --> 00:36:17.440 Hmm. 449 00:36:44.902 --> 00:36:45.969 What is this? 450 00:36:45.971 --> 00:36:48.738 What is this? 451 00:36:48.740 --> 00:36:52.275 Oh, my god! Hi! 452 00:36:52.277 --> 00:36:53.877 You didn't. 453 00:36:53.879 --> 00:36:55.545 I know you wanted one, baby. 454 00:36:55.547 --> 00:36:57.380 Oh, my god! 455 00:37:04.288 --> 00:37:05.755 Ooh. 456 00:37:05.757 --> 00:37:08.558 What are we gonna call you? 457 00:37:08.560 --> 00:37:10.527 What are we gonna call you? 458 00:37:11.997 --> 00:37:14.898 Olly. Olly, heel. 459 00:37:15.266 --> 00:37:18.368 I've been thinking about the next issue of yga. 460 00:37:18.370 --> 00:37:21.838 I think we need to address this whole christianity thing. 461 00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:22.806 What do you mean? 462 00:37:22.808 --> 00:37:25.942 Well, people think that gays and christians are enemies. 463 00:37:25.944 --> 00:37:31.748 We've met so many people who've managed to balance their faith and their sexuality. 464 00:37:31.750 --> 00:37:34.651 But we've also met so many people whose parents 465 00:37:34.653 --> 00:37:37.254 and churches tell them they're gonna burn in hell. 466 00:37:37.256 --> 00:37:40.290 Yeah, which is why we should address it in the magazine. 467 00:37:40.292 --> 00:37:43.893 I mean, the whole "you're gay, you're going to hell" myth 468 00:37:43.895 --> 00:37:48.932 was started by mistranslations and misinterpretations of the Bible. 469 00:37:48.934 --> 00:37:53.403 I mean, god doesn't care what your sexual orientation is. 470 00:37:53.405 --> 00:37:58.275 And the one thing that the gay movement doesn't understand 471 00:37:58.277 --> 00:37:59.442 that I think christianity does 472 00:37:59.444 --> 00:38:06.383 is that not everyone wants to be a part of the subculture. 473 00:38:06.517 --> 00:38:10.053 I'm sorry, what did you do with my boyfriend? 474 00:38:10.055 --> 00:38:11.488 Shut up. 475 00:38:11.490 --> 00:38:14.357 I'm not gonna write like... 476 00:38:15.726 --> 00:38:19.763 Gospel according to Michael or something. 477 00:38:22.433 --> 00:38:25.535 It might seem strange for a gay youth magazine 478 00:38:25.537 --> 00:38:29.339 to dedicate an entire issue to religion, 479 00:38:29.341 --> 00:38:32.776 but it's too important to ignore. 480 00:38:33.377 --> 00:38:37.414 When my parents died, I blamed god. 481 00:38:37.416 --> 00:38:38.381 When I came out, 482 00:38:38.383 --> 00:38:42.319 I distanced myself even further from religion. 483 00:38:42.321 --> 00:38:47.457 You see, I thought I was too smart to believe in god, 484 00:38:47.459 --> 00:38:50.660 that he was only for the needy. 485 00:38:50.995 --> 00:38:52.662 But after a recent health scare, 486 00:38:52.664 --> 00:38:57.867 I felt this nudging in the back of my mind: 487 00:38:57.869 --> 00:39:00.904 The presence of god. 488 00:39:00.906 --> 00:39:02.872 And you know what? 489 00:39:02.874 --> 00:39:06.343 I was no longer afraid. 490 00:39:07.011 --> 00:39:07.744 Aah! 491 00:39:07.746 --> 00:39:10.547 Some religious figures spout hateful rhetoric 492 00:39:10.549 --> 00:39:14.451 and try to force a monopoly on the truth. 493 00:39:14.453 --> 00:39:17.921 But the only truth is love. 494 00:39:17.923 --> 00:39:22.425 The only sin is denying love. 495 00:39:22.427 --> 00:39:24.728 Stop hating. 496 00:39:24.730 --> 00:39:28.064 Start loving. 497 00:39:37.408 --> 00:39:39.142 You gonna join us? 498 00:39:39.144 --> 00:39:41.778 Uh, yeah, just one second. 499 00:39:47.551 --> 00:39:48.385 What? 500 00:39:48.387 --> 00:39:51.688 Uh, you're really combing through that thing, aren't you? 501 00:39:51.690 --> 00:39:56.893 Look, my whole life, i thought the Bible was full of hate... 502 00:39:56.895 --> 00:39:58.128 And it's not. 503 00:39:58.130 --> 00:39:59.863 There's a lot of love in here. 504 00:39:59.865 --> 00:40:04.667 So your interest in the Bible is more than just research? 505 00:40:04.669 --> 00:40:09.406 Well, there's a lot of Christian roots in my family, 506 00:40:09.408 --> 00:40:12.041 my mom, my aunt and... 507 00:40:12.043 --> 00:40:12.776 Just curious. 508 00:40:12.778 --> 00:40:16.413 Your aunts disowned you when you came out. 509 00:40:16.415 --> 00:40:18.047 That's not family. 510 00:40:18.049 --> 00:40:19.949 I'm all for curiosity but-- 511 00:40:19.951 --> 00:40:24.120 i-i just feel like something saved me, 512 00:40:24.122 --> 00:40:27.123 shook me and woke me up. 513 00:40:27.792 --> 00:40:31.494 And that someone is god? 514 00:40:32.029 --> 00:40:38.601 Mike, he didn't save you because you were never dying. 515 00:40:40.871 --> 00:40:43.173 Okay. 516 00:40:45.576 --> 00:40:47.510 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 517 00:40:47.512 --> 00:40:51.815 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 518 00:40:53.684 --> 00:40:56.786 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 519 00:40:56.788 --> 00:41:02.659 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 520 00:41:02.793 --> 00:41:04.894 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, 521 00:41:04.896 --> 00:41:09.532 and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." 522 00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:19.108 Don't see many people flaunting that out in the open. 523 00:41:19.110 --> 00:41:20.143 Oh. 524 00:41:20.145 --> 00:41:22.479 I've seen you reading out here before 525 00:41:22.481 --> 00:41:26.082 and I thought maybe you'd wanna come to my church. 526 00:41:26.084 --> 00:41:30.620 Any Sunday, just to check it out. 527 00:41:30.622 --> 00:41:34.224 See what the mormon religion has to offer. 528 00:41:34.558 --> 00:41:40.697 The gospel teaches us that we are the spirit children 529 00:41:40.699 --> 00:41:42.065 of heavenly parents. 530 00:41:42.067 --> 00:41:48.905 Now, many people ask, are we like other christians? 531 00:41:48.907 --> 00:41:51.007 Why of course we are. 532 00:41:51.009 --> 00:41:53.076 We believe in Jesus Christ 533 00:41:53.078 --> 00:41:56.513 and we believe in life after death. 534 00:41:56.515 --> 00:42:01.017 And everyone is welcome at the lds church. 535 00:42:01.019 --> 00:42:04.888 Christ's atonement allows mankind to be saved from their sins... 536 00:42:04.890 --> 00:42:09.692 And to return to live with god and their loved ones in heaven. 537 00:42:09.694 --> 00:42:12.862 Did you grow up with any kind of faith? 538 00:42:12.864 --> 00:42:14.063 Not really. 539 00:42:14.065 --> 00:42:14.964 My mother was Christian, 540 00:42:14.966 --> 00:42:18.768 but she didn't really take me or my sister to church, 541 00:42:18.770 --> 00:42:22.138 and my father was a Berkeley hippie, 542 00:42:22.140 --> 00:42:25.575 kind of agnostic or even atheist. 543 00:42:25.577 --> 00:42:27.010 They were very good people 544 00:42:27.012 --> 00:42:31.681 and I know I'll see them again in heaven. 545 00:42:31.683 --> 00:42:34.551 My mom passed away as well. 546 00:42:34.553 --> 00:42:36.319 So I know how hard that is. 547 00:42:36.321 --> 00:42:41.291 I was so afraid and angry, you know? 548 00:42:41.293 --> 00:42:42.859 Yeah, me, too. 549 00:42:42.861 --> 00:42:44.894 It's really hard to deal with death 550 00:42:44.896 --> 00:42:48.031 when you don't know where you're going. 551 00:42:48.666 --> 00:42:51.301 But once you do, then you have peace 552 00:42:51.303 --> 00:42:54.938 and you realize that god's not to blame. 553 00:42:54.940 --> 00:42:57.840 Right. Yeah. 554 00:42:58.776 --> 00:43:00.176 Catherine. 555 00:43:02.280 --> 00:43:03.880 It was nice to meet you. 556 00:43:03.882 --> 00:43:05.248 You, too. 557 00:43:07.918 --> 00:43:11.120 She's single, fyi. 558 00:43:11.122 --> 00:43:12.889 Fyi? 559 00:43:12.891 --> 00:43:14.657 What, you think she likes me? 560 00:43:14.659 --> 00:43:16.859 Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. 561 00:43:16.861 --> 00:43:22.332 But I mean, don't worry. There's plenty of single ladies looking for a husband. 562 00:43:22.334 --> 00:43:26.235 I wasn't even thinking about that kind of thing. 563 00:43:26.237 --> 00:43:30.039 Oh, well, maybe it's something you should start thinking about. 564 00:43:30.041 --> 00:43:33.977 I can get you in touch with her if you want. 565 00:43:34.845 --> 00:43:36.112 Oh, um... 566 00:43:36.114 --> 00:43:38.681 If you're interested. 567 00:43:40.618 --> 00:43:41.751 Sure. I don't know. 568 00:43:41.753 --> 00:43:44.387 Yeah? Okay. Whatever. Yeah, okay. 569 00:43:44.389 --> 00:43:45.755 All right. Okay, thanks. 570 00:43:45.757 --> 00:43:49.025 Embarrassing me a little bit. 571 00:44:13.751 --> 00:44:15.018 Welcome back to new beginnings 572 00:44:15.020 --> 00:44:18.221 and thank you for listening to our continued conversation 573 00:44:18.223 --> 00:44:19.856 about the truth path to heaven. 574 00:44:19.858 --> 00:44:23.893 Doctor, how would you respond to other christians 575 00:44:23.895 --> 00:44:25.128 who disagree with your angle? 576 00:44:25.130 --> 00:44:28.765 Look, all I'm trying to do is help people. 577 00:44:28.767 --> 00:44:32.669 It just pains me so much when I hear so-called christians 578 00:44:32.671 --> 00:44:36.205 side with the left on issues such as homosexuality. 579 00:44:36.207 --> 00:44:39.308 Now, I'm not condoning hate. 580 00:44:39.310 --> 00:44:41.678 In fact, this is about love. 581 00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:44.147 Choosing a gay identity will condemn you 582 00:44:44.149 --> 00:44:45.982 to an eternity of suffering. 583 00:44:45.984 --> 00:44:48.351 And I wanna save people from that. 584 00:44:48.353 --> 00:44:51.120 Whether it's abortion or adultery 585 00:44:51.122 --> 00:44:55.124 or accepting religions other than christianity, 586 00:44:55.126 --> 00:44:56.793 you must obey god's law 587 00:44:56.795 --> 00:45:00.997 or you will not be allowed into his kingdom. 588 00:45:39.470 --> 00:45:42.071 I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that it's wrong. 589 00:45:42.073 --> 00:45:45.241 I'm just saying that over the course of thousands of years, 590 00:45:45.243 --> 00:45:48.845 people with an agenda have made christianity what it is today. 591 00:45:48.847 --> 00:45:55.351 Yeah, but the original message is still the same, it's about love. 592 00:45:57.020 --> 00:46:00.790 You know, I would've never pegged you as a Buddhist. 593 00:46:00.792 --> 00:46:01.224 Why? 594 00:46:01.226 --> 00:46:04.260 What, 'cause I don't look a certain way? 595 00:46:04.262 --> 00:46:05.428 No, I... 596 00:46:05.430 --> 00:46:07.930 I don't know why i just said that. 597 00:46:07.932 --> 00:46:09.899 I'm just kidding you. 598 00:46:09.901 --> 00:46:10.433 Meditation. 599 00:46:10.435 --> 00:46:12.835 People get weird in their head about meditation. 600 00:46:12.837 --> 00:46:14.237 They think it's weird or hippie. 601 00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:18.207 I think it's about developing mindfulness. 602 00:46:18.209 --> 00:46:20.109 You know, it's about living moment to moment. 603 00:46:20.111 --> 00:46:24.280 And in a deeper level, it's about knowing yourself. 604 00:46:24.282 --> 00:46:28.017 That's why I started volunteering at the Buddhist center. 605 00:46:28.019 --> 00:46:30.353 They have classes on Friday. You should come. 606 00:46:30.355 --> 00:46:35.358 Oh, I have to go out of town for this speaking thing. 607 00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:37.293 What kind of speaking thing? 608 00:46:37.295 --> 00:46:40.329 It's about gay youth in America. 609 00:46:40.331 --> 00:46:43.199 No way. That's awesome. 610 00:47:23.841 --> 00:47:25.575 Welcome to our very first panel 611 00:47:25.577 --> 00:47:28.144 on being young and gay in America. 612 00:47:28.146 --> 00:47:30.146 Joining us is Judy Shepard, 613 00:47:30.148 --> 00:47:33.149 president of the Matthew Shepard foundation, 614 00:47:33.151 --> 00:47:35.184 dedicated to working towards causes 615 00:47:35.186 --> 00:47:38.855 championed by her son Matthew during his life. 616 00:47:38.857 --> 00:47:40.256 Thank you for joining us. 617 00:47:45.195 --> 00:47:48.531 Michael glatze, former editor of XY magazine, 618 00:47:48.533 --> 00:47:53.202 recipient of equality forum's national role model award 619 00:47:53.204 --> 00:47:56.105 as well as lambda's literary award 620 00:47:56.107 --> 00:47:57.473 for XY's survival guide, 621 00:47:57.475 --> 00:48:01.577 participant in the award-winning documentary 622 00:48:01.579 --> 00:48:02.445 Jim in bold, 623 00:48:02.447 --> 00:48:04.347 and co-founder of young gay Americans, 624 00:48:04.349 --> 00:48:07.016 which is now a full-fledged magazine. 625 00:48:12.623 --> 00:48:15.992 What does being gay mean to you? 626 00:48:16.193 --> 00:48:21.564 Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago. 627 00:48:21.566 --> 00:48:25.167 And it's more important now than ever 628 00:48:25.169 --> 00:48:28.404 to make allies and make alliances 629 00:48:28.406 --> 00:48:33.009 both inside and outside the gay community. 630 00:48:36.346 --> 00:48:42.151 Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago. 631 00:48:42.153 --> 00:48:44.053 It's not about-- 632 00:49:18.288 --> 00:49:19.722 hey. 633 00:49:22.192 --> 00:49:23.559 No. 634 00:49:25.429 --> 00:49:27.730 I have to walk the dog. 635 00:50:06.003 --> 00:50:08.137 Hey. 636 00:50:11.375 --> 00:50:13.776 What are you doing? 637 00:50:13.778 --> 00:50:18.014 I need some space. 638 00:50:18.782 --> 00:50:20.316 Mike-- look, I just... 639 00:50:20.318 --> 00:50:22.018 I need some time to figure this out, 640 00:50:22.020 --> 00:50:24.620 to see where this is taking me. 641 00:50:25.722 --> 00:50:28.557 Why can't you come to me for help? 642 00:50:28.559 --> 00:50:30.726 We have to talk about this before-- 643 00:50:30.728 --> 00:50:32.294 look, I just... 644 00:50:32.296 --> 00:50:35.531 I need to get away from this life. 645 00:50:35.766 --> 00:50:38.367 Our life? Yes. 646 00:50:38.502 --> 00:50:42.772 And what exactly is it about our life that you need to get away from, being gay? 647 00:50:42.774 --> 00:50:44.407 I don't know. 648 00:50:44.409 --> 00:50:45.508 I don't know! 649 00:50:45.510 --> 00:50:50.346 Okay, uh, are you attracted to women? 650 00:50:50.348 --> 00:50:52.081 Because if that's the case, then fine, go explore. 651 00:50:52.083 --> 00:50:56.318 I just wanna be with my parents in heaven. Is that so hard to understand? 652 00:50:56.320 --> 00:50:58.187 Can you even hear yourself right now? 653 00:50:58.189 --> 00:51:00.823 What happened to the misinterpretation of the Bible? 654 00:51:00.825 --> 00:51:02.058 It's a fucking book, Mike! 655 00:51:02.060 --> 00:51:04.760 I read the Bible the same way i read anything else, 656 00:51:04.762 --> 00:51:06.228 with an open mind and an open heart. 657 00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:07.263 Oh, is that what you call this? 658 00:51:07.265 --> 00:51:11.067 'Cause the way you're talking doesn't exactly sound very fucking open-minded. 659 00:51:11.069 --> 00:51:17.406 This relationship has just developed into something unhealthy. 660 00:51:17.408 --> 00:51:20.176 What does that even mean? 661 00:51:21.211 --> 00:51:22.378 Tyler? 662 00:51:22.380 --> 00:51:25.614 You were just as interested in that as I was. 663 00:51:25.616 --> 00:51:26.315 No. 664 00:51:26.317 --> 00:51:27.483 I just wanted you to be happy 665 00:51:27.485 --> 00:51:29.418 because I was afraid you were gonna leave. 666 00:51:29.420 --> 00:51:31.187 I was never gonna leave, Mike. 667 00:51:31.189 --> 00:51:31.821 I've stood by you. 668 00:51:31.823 --> 00:51:34.290 I've held your hand while you were so terrified of dying 669 00:51:34.292 --> 00:51:37.860 that you created illnesses that didn't even exist. 670 00:51:37.862 --> 00:51:42.264 The truth is that i was living a lie. 671 00:51:42.767 --> 00:51:47.603 The truth is that god loves us-- shut the fuck up! 672 00:51:51.541 --> 00:51:52.875 Okay. 673 00:51:52.877 --> 00:51:54.443 Wait. 674 00:52:02.687 --> 00:52:05.387 Please don't go. 675 00:52:10.260 --> 00:52:13.429 Where are you going? 676 00:52:19.703 --> 00:52:24.673 The thing that will really kill you... 677 00:52:24.675 --> 00:52:29.445 Is repressing who you truly are. 678 00:52:29.579 --> 00:52:33.315 That's what you should really be afraid of. 679 00:53:41.885 --> 00:53:46.288 So he just left this here out in the open? 680 00:54:32.936 --> 00:54:37.373 I have come to a decision that will be shocking 681 00:54:37.375 --> 00:54:40.542 to anyone I used to relate to. 682 00:54:41.479 --> 00:54:46.415 The presence of god has grown strong in my life. 683 00:54:46.417 --> 00:54:49.518 He told me that my panic attacks 684 00:54:49.520 --> 00:54:54.690 were caused by my shallow, sinful lifestyle. 685 00:54:55.459 --> 00:55:00.596 I've come to the realization that identifying as gay 686 00:55:00.598 --> 00:55:05.067 prevents you from finding your true self within. 687 00:55:05.069 --> 00:55:07.336 And we must be our true selves 688 00:55:07.338 --> 00:55:11.340 in order to join god in his kingdom. 689 00:55:11.808 --> 00:55:15.411 Therefore, I, Michael glatze, 690 00:55:15.413 --> 00:55:19.081 no longer identify as gay. 691 00:57:32.682 --> 00:57:34.783 Why did you do it? 692 00:57:38.054 --> 00:57:40.222 "Gay activist goes straight"? 693 00:57:40.224 --> 00:57:43.892 You gave the anti-gay right the story of their dreams. 694 00:57:43.894 --> 00:57:45.828 I don't know why. 695 00:57:45.830 --> 00:57:47.930 I don't know. 696 00:57:47.932 --> 00:57:49.731 Who pushed you? 697 00:57:49.733 --> 00:57:50.699 No one. 698 00:57:50.701 --> 00:57:53.569 I just wanted to tell my story. 699 00:57:53.571 --> 00:57:55.571 Look, I think this all happened 700 00:57:55.573 --> 00:57:57.840 because god needed to teach me a lesson. 701 00:57:57.842 --> 00:58:02.478 That's why I'm here, to make it better. 702 00:58:07.518 --> 00:58:10.486 Meditation is a way of slowing down 703 00:58:10.488 --> 00:58:13.689 and developing kindness towards yourself. 704 00:58:13.691 --> 00:58:19.962 Through mindfulness practice, we develop strength of mind. 705 00:58:19.964 --> 00:58:21.997 We become more present 706 00:58:21.999 --> 00:58:26.068 and we learn to appreciate our world. 707 00:58:30.673 --> 00:58:34.243 God works in mysterious ways. 708 00:58:34.245 --> 00:58:35.844 He has sent me to a place 709 00:58:35.846 --> 00:58:38.680 where I can get away from the physical world 710 00:58:38.682 --> 00:58:41.917 so that I can focus on my true self-- 711 00:58:41.919 --> 00:58:44.920 a happier, healthier man, 712 00:58:44.922 --> 00:58:48.290 free of unnatural desires. 713 00:58:54.998 --> 00:59:00.235 At first, I didn't understand why god would send a Christian 714 00:59:00.237 --> 00:59:02.638 to a Buddhist retreat. 715 00:59:02.640 --> 00:59:06.708 But I have faith in his plan for me. 716 00:59:13.217 --> 00:59:15.250 Desire is powerful. 717 00:59:15.252 --> 00:59:18.253 And god is testing me. 718 00:59:18.255 --> 00:59:23.725 But I refuse to give in to temptation. 719 00:59:28.197 --> 00:59:29.831 I've come to the realization 720 00:59:29.833 --> 00:59:32.868 that god wants me to use meditation 721 00:59:32.870 --> 00:59:37.906 to rid myself of abnormal desires. 722 00:59:38.074 --> 00:59:41.944 God gave Buddha the light to be Buddha. 723 00:59:41.946 --> 00:59:42.344 He did. 724 00:59:42.346 --> 00:59:44.646 Michael, what are you talking about? 725 00:59:44.648 --> 00:59:49.718 I just want us to be on the right path for our future, 726 00:59:49.720 --> 00:59:52.321 for our health, for the afterlife. 727 00:59:52.323 --> 00:59:56.992 I am on the right path, okay? My path. 728 01:00:06.302 --> 01:00:09.204 Michael, i-- I'm sorry. 729 01:00:11.374 --> 01:00:13.742 I'm sorry, Nico. 730 01:00:31.694 --> 01:00:33.061 It's the same kind of strength 731 01:00:33.063 --> 01:00:35.998 that you need to-to clear your mind. 732 01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:39.801 You know, we just, we need to find that strength 733 01:00:39.803 --> 01:00:44.773 to fight what we both know in our hearts is wrong. 734 01:00:44.775 --> 01:00:46.241 We just have to fight it. 735 01:00:46.243 --> 01:00:47.876 Stop, Michael. Stop. 736 01:00:47.878 --> 01:00:50.245 No, I mean... 737 01:00:58.688 --> 01:00:59.855 Michael, you're confused. 738 01:00:59.857 --> 01:01:04.893 You're very confused and it's at my expense. 739 01:01:30.854 --> 01:01:33.855 People have been asking how I am. 740 01:01:33.857 --> 01:01:35.724 Some out of support. 741 01:01:35.726 --> 01:01:38.126 Others who think I've reconsidered. 742 01:01:38.128 --> 01:01:43.298 I've come to the realization that Bennett represents soul, 743 01:01:43.300 --> 01:01:48.870 Tyler represents body, Nico represents mind. 744 01:01:48.872 --> 01:01:52.107 Father, son, holy ghost. 745 01:01:52.109 --> 01:01:55.310 I guess god need me to complete the Trinity 746 01:01:55.312 --> 01:01:57.746 in order to move on. 747 01:01:57.748 --> 01:01:59.748 So I'm ready to set the record straight. 748 01:01:59.750 --> 01:02:04.886 I was a heterosexual person with a homosexual problem, 749 01:02:04.888 --> 01:02:07.456 and I took care of that problem. 750 01:02:07.458 --> 01:02:11.059 I have not reconsidered. 751 01:02:11.227 --> 01:02:14.830 A good number of people have come forward 752 01:02:14.832 --> 01:02:15.964 and expressed their concern 753 01:02:15.966 --> 01:02:17.933 about your being involved with this organization. 754 01:02:17.935 --> 01:02:21.970 This center is supposed to accept everyone. 755 01:02:21.972 --> 01:02:23.405 Yes, and we do. 756 01:02:23.407 --> 01:02:25.841 We welcome people of all beliefs, 757 01:02:25.843 --> 01:02:28.744 but we don't tolerate hate. 758 01:02:28.746 --> 01:02:30.779 I don't hate anybody. 759 01:02:30.781 --> 01:02:35.817 Michael, you've written what some would call very hateful things. 760 01:02:35.819 --> 01:02:39.955 Those are my beliefs. 761 01:02:40.823 --> 01:02:42.390 Are you okay? 762 01:02:42.392 --> 01:02:44.259 Yeah. 763 01:02:44.261 --> 01:02:47.195 Are you okay? 764 01:02:48.799 --> 01:02:49.431 I don't know... 765 01:02:49.433 --> 01:02:54.102 I don't understand what has changed, but I, uh... 766 01:02:54.104 --> 01:02:56.238 Here we practice compassion. 767 01:02:56.240 --> 01:03:01.009 And I'm just, I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out. 768 01:03:01.011 --> 01:03:06.848 So, because I'm Christian and I express my opinions... 769 01:03:06.850 --> 01:03:09.184 I have to leave. 770 01:03:09.186 --> 01:03:13.421 That's so messed up. 771 01:03:49.926 --> 01:03:51.459 That's really everything? 772 01:03:51.461 --> 01:03:54.429 Your whole life is in that one bag? 773 01:03:54.431 --> 01:03:57.265 Yeah. 774 01:03:59.602 --> 01:04:01.603 Do you think you'll stay here? 775 01:04:01.605 --> 01:04:08.143 I mean, San Francisco can't be the best place for an... 776 01:04:08.145 --> 01:04:09.244 Ex-gay. 777 01:04:09.246 --> 01:04:15.183 I'm not an ex-gay. I'm just me. 778 01:04:15.185 --> 01:04:18.286 Honestly, I thought you'd be happy. 779 01:04:18.288 --> 01:04:20.889 I mean, you never really approved. 780 01:04:20.891 --> 01:04:22.390 That's not true. 781 01:04:22.392 --> 01:04:26.027 Then why haven't we been close? 782 01:04:26.029 --> 01:04:27.395 I mean, you're my sister. 783 01:04:27.397 --> 01:04:31.600 We're supposed to be there for each other. 784 01:04:32.635 --> 01:04:35.337 We can be close now. 785 01:04:35.339 --> 01:04:37.372 I'm glad you're here. 786 01:04:37.374 --> 01:04:44.379 And I want you to be happy-- loving whomever. 787 01:04:45.481 --> 01:04:46.481 Yeah? 788 01:04:46.483 --> 01:04:47.983 Yeah. 789 01:06:33.456 --> 01:06:35.323 I'm sorry. 790 01:06:35.325 --> 01:06:36.691 No, I can't. What? 791 01:06:36.693 --> 01:06:38.426 No, I'm sorry. Uh... 792 01:06:38.428 --> 01:06:40.462 What happened? I can't. Um... 793 01:06:40.464 --> 01:06:45.133 It's not you, it's... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 794 01:07:30.447 --> 01:07:36.084 Olly, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 795 01:07:41.690 --> 01:07:43.458 Hello? 796 01:07:51.534 --> 01:07:53.168 Michael? 797 01:07:53.170 --> 01:07:55.670 Bennett. 798 01:07:59.242 --> 01:08:01.309 Where are you? 799 01:08:01.844 --> 01:08:03.845 Are you okay? 800 01:08:06.782 --> 01:08:07.715 Michael? 801 01:08:07.717 --> 01:08:09.184 I have to go. 802 01:08:09.186 --> 01:08:12.687 Wait, why did you call me, Michael? 803 01:08:22.532 --> 01:08:26.868 To my friends who are trapped in homosexuality: 804 01:08:26.870 --> 01:08:29.504 I wanna thank you for your kind comments 805 01:08:29.506 --> 01:08:32.807 and keen observations regarding my story 806 01:08:32.809 --> 01:08:37.779 and my revelation that i am no longer homosexual 807 01:08:37.781 --> 01:08:39.547 and am now heterosexual. 808 01:08:39.549 --> 01:08:44.252 The gay identity has been packaged and fed to you, 809 01:08:44.254 --> 01:08:48.623 and if you identify as gay then you have eaten it, 810 01:08:48.625 --> 01:08:51.126 preventing you from further growth 811 01:08:51.128 --> 01:08:53.828 and understanding of your true self. 812 01:08:53.830 --> 01:08:58.333 But it's not too late to save yourself. 813 01:08:58.335 --> 01:09:00.535 If you follow my lead. 814 01:09:00.537 --> 01:09:05.473 I am confident. I am blessed. 815 01:09:05.475 --> 01:09:06.808 I am strong. 816 01:09:06.810 --> 01:09:12.180 I am ready to give up my life for Christ 817 01:09:12.182 --> 01:09:16.618 in order to find my true self. 818 01:10:24.653 --> 01:10:26.921 You sure you don't want a coffee? 819 01:10:26.923 --> 01:10:30.625 I don't drink coffee anymore. 820 01:10:35.431 --> 01:10:36.864 You're well? 821 01:10:36.866 --> 01:10:38.700 Yeah. Why? 822 01:10:38.702 --> 01:10:41.603 Just asking. 823 01:10:41.737 --> 01:10:47.842 I'm great. I've never been better. 824 01:10:49.345 --> 01:10:53.548 Well, I just wanted to see how you're doing. 825 01:10:55.284 --> 01:10:57.852 So does Bennett. 826 01:10:58.587 --> 01:10:58.987 Hmm. 827 01:10:58.989 --> 01:11:02.857 I wish I could understand what you're going through. 828 01:11:04.393 --> 01:11:07.595 I just don't want to be perceived as gay 829 01:11:07.597 --> 01:11:10.531 for the rest of my experiences. 830 01:11:10.533 --> 01:11:13.801 It's that simple. 831 01:11:15.671 --> 01:11:19.274 Are you still with Bennett? 832 01:11:19.276 --> 01:11:20.008 No. 833 01:11:20.010 --> 01:11:26.848 I'm, uh, going to Europe to study space science. 834 01:11:26.850 --> 01:11:28.616 That's great. 835 01:11:28.618 --> 01:11:30.752 I'm going to Bible school. 836 01:11:30.754 --> 01:11:34.022 God told me to become a pastor. 837 01:11:42.698 --> 01:11:46.668 I don't want to open old wounds or anything, 838 01:11:46.670 --> 01:11:53.941 but I also don't know when I'll ever see you again. 839 01:11:54.777 --> 01:11:58.413 I want you to know how much you meant to me. 840 01:12:03.919 --> 01:12:07.822 I know you don't care anymore. 841 01:12:07.824 --> 01:12:11.559 But I needed to say it. 842 01:12:11.561 --> 01:12:14.662 For closure. 843 01:12:18.868 --> 01:12:21.636 This whole thing... 844 01:12:21.638 --> 01:12:25.506 It broke my heart. 845 01:12:26.909 --> 01:12:29.344 Tyler... 846 01:12:29.346 --> 01:12:32.680 I'm sorry. 847 01:12:32.682 --> 01:12:36.784 But I need to live for myself now. 848 01:12:39.722 --> 01:12:40.955 Okay. 849 01:12:45.894 --> 01:12:47.395 Okay. 850 01:12:48.731 --> 01:12:50.465 Take care. 851 01:13:39.548 --> 01:13:43.084 Now, sometimes somebody's gonna ask you what you believe. 852 01:13:43.086 --> 01:13:45.620 They're gonna say, "you're a Christian, 853 01:13:45.622 --> 01:13:47.455 all right, what do you believe?" 854 01:13:47.457 --> 01:13:51.626 Maybe they're an atheist or a agnostic or a Muslim 855 01:13:51.628 --> 01:13:54.896 or a Buddha, you know, who knows what they are? 856 01:13:54.898 --> 01:13:57.865 And you better be ready to tell 'em. 857 01:13:57.867 --> 01:14:00.802 We believe the Bible is the word of god, 858 01:14:00.804 --> 01:14:07.208 the supreme, final authority in life and in our faith. 859 01:14:07.210 --> 01:14:10.178 We believe in one god, 860 01:14:10.180 --> 01:14:13.080 eternally existing in three persons: 861 01:14:13.082 --> 01:14:15.817 The father, the son, and the holy spirit. 862 01:14:15.819 --> 01:14:19.454 And we believe the sole condition 863 01:14:19.456 --> 01:14:21.823 for receiving everlasting life 864 01:14:21.825 --> 01:14:29.931 is belief and faith alone in the lord Jesus Christ. 865 01:15:14.810 --> 01:15:15.243 Thank you. 866 01:15:15.245 --> 01:15:17.945 I'll have one of those, please. 867 01:15:31.126 --> 01:15:32.226 Hi, I'm Michael. 868 01:15:32.228 --> 01:15:35.129 Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah. 869 01:15:36.031 --> 01:15:39.867 Guess we like all the same things. 870 01:15:42.204 --> 01:15:43.771 I love it here. 871 01:15:43.773 --> 01:15:45.940 I mean, I never though I'd end up in Wyoming, 872 01:15:45.942 --> 01:15:49.677 but I feel like I've finally found my niche. 873 01:15:49.679 --> 01:15:52.980 Where'd you think you'd end up? 874 01:15:54.116 --> 01:15:56.784 That's a good question. I don't know. 875 01:15:56.786 --> 01:16:00.788 All I know is that I've always wanted to help people, 876 01:16:00.790 --> 01:16:04.625 because some people struggle so much 877 01:16:04.627 --> 01:16:08.095 when the solution is actually very simple. 878 01:16:08.097 --> 01:16:10.298 It's right there in Matthew 10: 879 01:16:10.300 --> 01:16:14.635 The road may not be easy, but if we give up our lives 880 01:16:14.637 --> 01:16:21.208 for Christ, then we'll find our true selves. 881 01:16:27.649 --> 01:16:30.117 Where did you go to college? 882 01:16:30.119 --> 01:16:31.586 Dartmouth. 883 01:16:31.588 --> 01:16:32.620 Wow. 884 01:16:32.622 --> 01:16:33.955 And you majored in music? 885 01:16:33.957 --> 01:16:37.158 In creative writing and English literature, 886 01:16:37.160 --> 01:16:40.795 but I minored in music theory and composition. 887 01:16:40.797 --> 01:16:44.699 That must've kept you busy. 888 01:16:44.701 --> 01:16:46.367 What kind of stuff did you write? 889 01:16:46.369 --> 01:16:51.205 Well, my thesis was all poetry, actually. 890 01:16:51.207 --> 01:16:53.808 Can I read some? 891 01:16:53.810 --> 01:16:55.343 Oh, I don't have it anymore. 892 01:16:55.345 --> 01:16:59.780 My poetry is from a different life. 893 01:16:59.782 --> 01:17:00.348 But I, um... 894 01:17:00.350 --> 01:17:05.386 I'm so interested in music now because it transcends language. 895 01:17:05.388 --> 01:17:09.323 You know, it's like people don't have to argue about it 896 01:17:09.325 --> 01:17:11.826 or judge it or misinterpret it. 897 01:17:11.828 --> 01:17:13.127 They can just listen. 898 01:17:13.129 --> 01:17:16.764 You know, I just play and they just listen. 899 01:17:16.766 --> 01:17:17.264 You know? 900 01:17:17.266 --> 01:17:19.667 I don't know if I do, to be honest, 901 01:17:19.669 --> 01:17:22.803 but the way you say it, i want to. 902 01:17:22.805 --> 01:17:25.006 I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing. What about you? 903 01:17:25.008 --> 01:17:29.343 No, don't be sorry! You're not blabbing. Um... 904 01:17:29.345 --> 01:17:30.911 I majored in theater. 905 01:17:30.913 --> 01:17:31.946 Theater? Really? Yeah. 906 01:17:31.948 --> 01:17:36.817 Yeah, it was really fun, but it's not like it's a real job. 907 01:17:36.819 --> 01:17:40.254 I actually stage managed a little bit after college, 908 01:17:40.256 --> 01:17:44.091 but I don't know, i felt adrift. 909 01:17:44.093 --> 01:17:49.864 So I came here, hoping to figure out my path. 910 01:17:49.866 --> 01:17:52.199 Me, too. 911 01:18:41.884 --> 01:18:44.318 I can't believe you've never had Sushi. 912 01:18:44.320 --> 01:18:48.089 Who hasn't had Sushi? It's crazy. 913 01:18:48.091 --> 01:18:50.024 Mm. 914 01:18:50.026 --> 01:18:51.225 Oh, no. 915 01:18:52.028 --> 01:18:53.227 You don't like it. 916 01:18:53.229 --> 01:18:54.028 I'm sorry. 917 01:18:54.030 --> 01:18:56.263 Oh, I'm so sorry. 918 01:18:56.265 --> 01:18:57.832 Oh... I'm sorry. 919 01:18:57.834 --> 01:19:01.202 No, I used to hate it when my ex did that. 920 01:19:01.204 --> 01:19:03.304 Always making decisions. 921 01:19:03.306 --> 01:19:05.973 We can go somewhere else. No. 922 01:19:05.975 --> 01:19:08.142 No, no, no. No, it's okay. 923 01:19:08.144 --> 01:19:09.076 Are you sure? 924 01:19:09.078 --> 01:19:13.514 Yes. Yeah. You like it. It's fine. 925 01:19:16.752 --> 01:19:22.456 Uh, how, um, how long ago was the ex you mentioned? 926 01:19:22.458 --> 01:19:25.993 Oh. It was a long time ago. It was, uh... 927 01:19:25.995 --> 01:19:28.529 I don't know why i brought that up. 928 01:19:28.531 --> 01:19:30.264 It was stupid. 929 01:19:30.266 --> 01:19:32.967 Well, um, was it serious? 930 01:19:32.969 --> 01:19:36.036 Were you gonna marry her? 931 01:19:36.972 --> 01:19:42.543 It was serious, but, um, no, not marriage. 932 01:19:44.045 --> 01:19:46.380 What about you? 933 01:19:46.382 --> 01:19:47.848 Oh, no, I've... 934 01:19:47.850 --> 01:19:50.484 I've never been in a serious relationship. 935 01:19:50.486 --> 01:19:55.222 My parents are very, very conservative. 936 01:19:55.224 --> 01:19:57.458 Do you think they'd approve of me? 937 01:19:57.460 --> 01:20:01.562 The future pastor i met at Bible school? 938 01:20:01.564 --> 01:20:04.398 Yes, I think they'd approve. 939 01:20:40.569 --> 01:20:42.203 Rebekah. 940 01:20:42.938 --> 01:20:44.004 Hi. 941 01:20:44.006 --> 01:20:46.273 Hi. 942 01:20:47.275 --> 01:20:49.176 What? 943 01:20:49.178 --> 01:20:50.344 I just... 944 01:20:50.346 --> 01:20:53.380 Since when do you wear shirts like that? 945 01:20:53.382 --> 01:20:57.251 What? It's not inappropriate and it's hot out. 946 01:20:57.253 --> 01:21:03.324 You're here to serve our lord, not distract our men. 947 01:21:03.525 --> 01:21:07.528 I don't think I'm distracting anyone. 948 01:21:07.530 --> 01:21:08.963 Is this about Michael? 949 01:21:08.965 --> 01:21:13.367 We are not letting what we have get in the way of our studies. 950 01:21:13.369 --> 01:21:17.204 Besides, the lord brought us together. 951 01:21:17.505 --> 01:21:20.241 It's about his past. 952 01:21:20.243 --> 01:21:22.142 What about it? 953 01:21:22.944 --> 01:21:26.113 You really don't know? 954 01:21:26.948 --> 01:21:29.516 Know what? 955 01:21:50.205 --> 01:21:51.472 Rebekah. 956 01:21:51.474 --> 01:21:52.606 Oh. Hi. 957 01:21:52.608 --> 01:21:54.074 Are we still meeting? 958 01:21:54.076 --> 01:21:57.645 Yeah, just let me finish this. I'll be right there. 959 01:21:57.647 --> 01:22:01.415 Okay. I'll be in the cafeteria. 960 01:22:01.417 --> 01:22:03.417 Okay. 961 01:22:22.237 --> 01:22:25.539 I have something i have to tell you. 962 01:22:28.944 --> 01:22:32.079 You already know, don't you? 963 01:22:35.150 --> 01:22:38.419 Are you still attracted to men? 964 01:22:38.421 --> 01:22:40.587 No. 965 01:22:40.589 --> 01:22:43.991 It's in the past. 966 01:22:43.993 --> 01:22:45.092 Okay, I... 967 01:22:45.094 --> 01:22:46.593 God showed me the light. 968 01:22:46.595 --> 01:22:48.429 He showed me the truth. 969 01:22:48.431 --> 01:22:53.167 A lot of people have pasts they're not proud of, 970 01:22:53.169 --> 01:22:57.504 but god forgives, right? 971 01:22:57.973 --> 01:23:01.608 My life has changed so much since I've met you. 972 01:23:01.610 --> 01:23:04.645 And my feelings for you are real. 973 01:23:04.647 --> 01:23:08.415 My feelings for you are real, too. 974 01:23:08.417 --> 01:23:15.022 But I feel like we should just keep hanging out and see what happens. 975 01:23:15.024 --> 01:23:19.526 Maybe not settle on anything too specific. 976 01:23:19.528 --> 01:23:22.396 If that's okay. 977 01:23:23.431 --> 01:23:25.733 Okay. 978 01:23:52.460 --> 01:23:56.196 Hi, I'm Michael. 979 01:24:30.698 --> 01:24:36.804 Now, I wanna tell you a little secret 980 01:24:36.806 --> 01:24:41.809 about a great gift from god. 981 01:24:42.644 --> 01:24:44.511 This gift is a human emotion 982 01:24:44.513 --> 01:24:49.850 and considered destructive by the enemies of god. 983 01:24:53.855 --> 01:24:55.289 Fear. 984 01:24:55.291 --> 01:25:01.361 You can never, never, never stop 985 01:25:01.363 --> 01:25:04.198 fearing yourself. 986 01:25:04.200 --> 01:25:08.302 We are our own worst enemies. 987 01:25:08.304 --> 01:25:15.642 And we must fear ourselves till the day we meet god himself. 988 01:25:16.144 --> 01:25:22.249 God didn't put us here to live our lives in constant fear. 989 01:25:22.251 --> 01:25:23.150 No, of course not. 990 01:25:23.152 --> 01:25:27.154 And then he scolded me for asking questions. 991 01:25:27.156 --> 01:25:28.622 Well, that's not fair. 992 01:25:28.624 --> 01:25:29.490 We're here to learn 993 01:25:29.492 --> 01:25:30.724 and we learn in part by asking questions. 994 01:25:30.726 --> 01:25:34.128 No, we're here to serve god, not to identify 995 01:25:34.130 --> 01:25:39.399 as the exact kind of christians they want us to be. 996 01:25:40.435 --> 01:25:41.768 I'm sorry. 997 01:25:41.770 --> 01:25:42.669 Don't be. 998 01:25:42.671 --> 01:25:48.175 You know what's best because that's god speaking through you. 999 01:25:54.649 --> 01:25:57.751 You wanted to see me? 1000 01:25:58.153 --> 01:26:00.754 Now, you've been rallying the students against us 1001 01:26:00.756 --> 01:26:05.826 as though you're being controlled by the devil himself. 1002 01:26:07.462 --> 01:26:10.831 I've learned a lot about the Bible here, 1003 01:26:10.833 --> 01:26:12.266 and for that I thank you. 1004 01:26:12.268 --> 01:26:18.505 But I refuse to be controlled by anyone other than god. 1005 01:26:18.507 --> 01:26:19.806 I follow my own path. 1006 01:26:19.808 --> 01:26:23.544 Yeah, and you want others to follow you. 1007 01:26:24.245 --> 01:26:26.947 Perhaps it's best if we mail you your diploma 1008 01:26:26.949 --> 01:26:30.817 and that you not attend the ceremony. 1009 01:26:35.190 --> 01:26:38.392 I don't know if i can stay here anymore. 1010 01:26:38.394 --> 01:26:40.961 Oh. Where will we go? 1011 01:26:42.730 --> 01:26:44.464 We? 1012 01:26:45.700 --> 01:26:50.470 Uh, I've been praying about it. 1013 01:26:50.472 --> 01:26:52.839 About us. 1014 01:26:52.841 --> 01:27:00.347 I told god how I feel about you and how much you mean to me. 1015 01:27:00.349 --> 01:27:02.282 And you know what? 1016 01:27:04.320 --> 01:27:07.921 I was consumed with nothing but peace. 1017 01:27:07.923 --> 01:27:11.258 Pure peace. 1018 01:27:14.463 --> 01:27:16.797 I love you. 1019 01:27:16.799 --> 01:27:19.399 I love you, too. 1020 01:27:52.267 --> 01:27:54.468 And be not conformed to this world: 1021 01:27:54.470 --> 01:27:58.705 But be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, 1022 01:27:58.707 --> 01:28:04.511 that you may prove that good, glorious, 1023 01:28:04.513 --> 01:28:07.547 and perfect will of god. 1024 01:28:08.717 --> 01:28:12.886 That you may know that good, acceptable, 1025 01:28:12.888 --> 01:28:15.622 and perfect will of god. 1026 01:28:44.452 --> 01:28:51.658 - Which would you prefer to have? - Frosted flakes or fruit loops? 1027 01:28:51.660 --> 01:28:53.493 Well, obviously fruit loops. 1028 01:28:53.495 --> 01:28:54.728 Why? Why obviously? 1029 01:28:54.730 --> 01:28:57.497 Well, you're a fruit loop. 1030 01:29:17.051 --> 01:29:18.919 There you are. 1031 01:29:18.921 --> 01:29:20.987 Are you okay? 1032 01:29:21.689 --> 01:29:24.524 Yeah, I'm fine. 1033 01:29:29.130 --> 01:29:30.564 Okay, got 'em. 1034 01:29:33.968 --> 01:29:35.702 You get everything? 1035 01:29:35.704 --> 01:29:37.070 Mm-hmm. 1036 01:29:39.407 --> 01:29:42.843 These are going to storage. 1037 01:29:48.683 --> 01:29:53.120 Well, so you can have a little more room for your shoes? 1038 01:29:53.122 --> 01:29:53.787 Shut up. 1039 01:29:53.789 --> 01:29:56.823 I have never seen anyone with more shoes than you. 1040 01:29:56.825 --> 01:29:59.793 You can never have too many shoes. 1041 01:30:11.439 --> 01:30:13.707 Get those out of here. 1042 01:30:32.860 --> 01:30:33.894 Hello? 1043 01:30:33.896 --> 01:30:35.695 Hi. 1044 01:30:40.135 --> 01:30:42.636 Hi. 1045 01:30:44.439 --> 01:30:45.906 How are you? 1046 01:30:45.908 --> 01:30:48.041 Good. 1047 01:30:48.043 --> 01:30:50.110 I finished school. 1048 01:30:50.112 --> 01:30:53.947 But I'm no longer on their path. 1049 01:30:54.882 --> 01:30:59.119 So what path are you on now? 1050 01:30:59.121 --> 01:31:00.086 My own. 1051 01:31:00.088 --> 01:31:04.558 I'm going to be the pastor of my own church. 1052 01:31:08.664 --> 01:31:11.498 Why are you calling? 1053 01:31:11.500 --> 01:31:12.799 Um... 1054 01:31:14.101 --> 01:31:15.769 I, uh... 1055 01:31:15.771 --> 01:31:18.104 I got the picture you sent of olly. 1056 01:31:18.106 --> 01:31:21.174 I know it was months ago, but I didn't respond. 1057 01:31:21.176 --> 01:31:24.077 So how is she? 1058 01:31:25.147 --> 01:31:27.514 Oh, she's getting old. 1059 01:31:27.516 --> 01:31:28.849 But she's okay. 1060 01:31:28.851 --> 01:31:29.649 She has this 1061 01:31:29.651 --> 01:31:32.519 stuffed animal that she carries around with her now 1062 01:31:32.521 --> 01:31:35.555 everywhere she goes like it's her baby. 1063 01:31:41.562 --> 01:31:42.662 Bennett... 1064 01:31:42.664 --> 01:31:46.800 I should tell you before someone else does. 1065 01:31:46.802 --> 01:31:48.802 I'm engaged. 1066 01:31:49.170 --> 01:31:53.673 To a... Really amazing woman. 1067 01:31:53.941 --> 01:31:56.643 Now, I know what you're thinking because 1068 01:31:56.645 --> 01:31:59.079 I asked myself the same thing-- 1069 01:31:59.081 --> 01:32:00.514 am I really in love with her 1070 01:32:00.516 --> 01:32:05.151 or am I only doing this to be right in god's eyes? 1071 01:32:05.153 --> 01:32:10.690 And I'm truly in love with her, Bennett. 1072 01:32:11.659 --> 01:32:15.295 God went to the root of my same sex desires 1073 01:32:15.297 --> 01:32:16.997 and he uprooted them. 1074 01:32:16.999 --> 01:32:21.001 He demonstrated that they were abnormal. 1075 01:32:21.003 --> 01:32:21.801 Michael... 1076 01:32:21.803 --> 01:32:26.640 I'm really glad you think you're happy. 1077 01:32:28.109 --> 01:32:29.743 And I wish you all the best. 1078 01:32:29.745 --> 01:32:32.312 I really do. I think you know that. 1079 01:32:32.314 --> 01:32:36.950 But I have no idea why you would call me up 1080 01:32:36.952 --> 01:32:39.819 and use words like "abnormal." 1081 01:32:40.922 --> 01:32:45.559 I'm so sorry for the way that things went down. 1082 01:32:45.561 --> 01:32:48.762 But just because we don't 1083 01:32:48.764 --> 01:32:49.663 share certain beliefs, 1084 01:32:49.665 --> 01:32:54.868 it doesn't mean that we can't still be friends. 1085 01:32:57.071 --> 01:33:00.006 I'll always be your friend. 1086 01:33:01.609 --> 01:33:05.245 And I really hope that this path 1087 01:33:05.247 --> 01:33:08.348 takes you where you wanna go. 1088 01:33:09.717 --> 01:33:12.819 But I also hope that... 1089 01:33:12.821 --> 01:33:15.889 As you're setting out to help other people... 1090 01:33:15.891 --> 01:33:20.594 That you really take some time to help yourself. 1091 01:33:23.297 --> 01:33:26.132 I-i am. I... 1092 01:33:26.134 --> 01:33:29.636 I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know 1093 01:33:29.638 --> 01:33:33.206 I'll be this way for the rest of my life. 1094 01:33:33.208 --> 01:33:36.876 We're always changing, evolving. 1095 01:33:36.878 --> 01:33:40.246 And I'm open to that. 1096 01:33:45.087 --> 01:33:47.253 Then... 1097 01:33:47.255 --> 01:33:51.725 I guess nothing's really changed. 1098 01:33:51.727 --> 01:33:54.928 Yeah. 1099 01:33:55.129 --> 01:33:58.398 You take care of yourself, okay? 1100 01:34:00.868 --> 01:34:03.703 Goodbye, Michael. 1101 01:34:06.974 --> 01:34:07.974 Bye. 1102 01:34:53.155 --> 01:34:55.055 Here they come.