1
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:18,348
<i>The road of life is always
under construction.</i>

2
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,687
<i>The journey is hard,</i>

3
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:26,060
<i>but once you reach the top,
the view is amazing.</i>

4
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,596
<i>And that view is even more beautiful
when you have someone to share it with.</i>

5
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,700
Mr. Blart.

6
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,198
<i>For six days.</i>

7
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,637
<i>My beautiful wife of almost a week
let me know by letter</i>

8
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,875
<i>that she had what I like to call
"some regrets."</i>

9
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,282
<i>Her doctor called it
"uncontrollable vomiting."</i>

10
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:48,409
Honey.

11
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,580
<i>Her lawyer, "Dissolution of marriage. "</i>

12
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,819
<i>That's okay.
I needed a little time to myself.</i>

13
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,121
<i>Like the song says,</i>

14
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:59,163
<i>"I've been to paradise,
but I've never been to me."</i>

15
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,391
<i>I spent the next two years losing myself</i>

16
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,063
<i>in the sweet escape of keeping
the West Orange Pavilion Mail safe.</i>

17
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:10,973
<i>At least I still had the one thing
that never seemed to let me down.</i>

18
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,236
<i>Security.</i>

19
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,801
Are you lost son?

20
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,237
Anyway, come with me.

21
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,314
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

22
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,520
Andy, now give the fake cop a hug.

23
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,595
We're actually... We're certified, ma'am.

24
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,325
We take a test and everything.
It's pretty vigorous.

25
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,865
All right, hug him, Andy.

26
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,162
Well, it was nice to see you, little man.

27
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,998
You know what, ma'am,
he doesn't want to give me a hug.

28
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,662
- And it's okay.
- No, he wants a hug.

29
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:43,037
- I don't think he does. Hey.
- Okay, Andy, hug him.

30
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,008
- Honey.
- Want to come in?

31
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,009
- Sweetie. You're embarrassing Mommy.
- He doesn't want...

32
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,670
- No, he's not embarrassing me. He's fine.
- Hug him.

33
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,146
He doesn't have to hug me.

34
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,614
I saw white. I saw white.

35
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,220
I'll get him again, ma'am. I'll find him.

36
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,814
<i>And on the home front, I always had Mom.</i>

37
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,953
There's my paper.

38
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,498
<i>That is, until she got drilled
by a milk truck.</i>

39
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,794
<i>Didn't know they even had those anymore.</i>

40
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,732
<i>I guess I was the last one to get the memo.</i>

41
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,538
<i>Paul Blart had officially peaked.</i>

42
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,375
<i>Or had I?</i>

43
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,316
"Congratulations, Officer Blart.
You have been selected to join..."

44
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,015
"Congratulations.
You have been accepted to UCLA."

45
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:34,981
Maya! Come down here!
I got some great news!

46
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:36,994
Me, too!

47
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:42,523
Honey, we've been invited to
the Security Officers Trade Association Expo

48
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:46,537
and award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada!

49
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,071
Vegas? Wow.

50
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,939
Yeah, I think I'm finally being recognized for,
you know, getting the mall out of that jam.

51
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,911
Dad, you saved the mall.
They should honor you.

52
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,182
- I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

53
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,775
You know times have been tough,

54
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,285
but no matter what happens,

55
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:06,619
as long as I have you by my side,
I'm gonna be okay.

56
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,591
But enough about me.
What's your great news?

57
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,130
Yeah, I just remembered that

58
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,430
we have leftover baked ziti.

59
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,703
What a day!

60
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,634
Yeah.

61
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:57,733
All right.

62
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:05,444
- Can I help you with your bags, sir?
- No. That's how they get you.

63
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,349
- I'll be fine on my own, thank you.
- No problem, sir.

64
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:12,086
Lift with the legs. With the legs.

65
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,260
We're moving. Here we go.

66
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,161
Nice little break in the day.

67
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,671
We're going again. We're going again.

68
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,003
Legs.

69
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,009
- Paul Blart?
- Yes, sir.

70
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:37,343
I thought that was you.
Donna Ericone, Mall of America.

71
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,940
Man, we still talk about
your Black Friday save.

72
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,441
Thank you.

73
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,987
I don't know if you heard.

74
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,523
There's gonna be
a surprise keynote speaker tonight.

75
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,853
Word on the street,
it's gonna be the officer

76
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,292
who's gone above and beyond
the call of duty.

77
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,285
What?

78
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,863
I got to be honest, I had a feeling,
but do you really think that, I mean...

79
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:56,956
- Who else?
- Yeah.

80
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,628
Unless RoboCop walks into the room.

81
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,638
Yeah, I would definitely
stand down for RoboCop.

82
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,173
- He's not real.
- No, I know he's not real,

83
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,833
but I would stand down for him.

84
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,967
He ain't real.

85
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,707
Just don't tell anybody I told you.

86
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,077
- Told me what?
- About the key...

87
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,548
You got me. You done gone and got me.

88
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,050
That was in the throat.

89
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,546
That was in the throat.

90
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,385
- See you tonight.
- Yeah, okay.

91
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,755
Roger that, Officer Ericone.
That was straight to the throat.

92
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,556
That didn't even glance off the chest.
It went right up.

93
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,860
- May I help the next guest?
- We're next. Here we go. Yes.

94
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,196
- Yello-ha!
- Good afternoon.

95
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:34,068
- Welcome to the Wynn Resort.
- Checking in.

96
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,539
Absolutely, Mr. Blart.

97
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,907
Mr. Blart.

98
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,707
You're probably thrown by the travel wear.

99
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,908
- Actually, it's "officer"
- Okay, sorry about that.

100
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,007
Yes, Officer Blart.

101
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,747
I see we have you in a
partial mountain view,

102
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,882
and you requested
a bottomless bowl of Peanut M&M's.

103
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,291
Yeah, it's strictly medicinal.

104
00:06:56,883 --> 00:07:00,922
Unfortunately,
I am cursed with hypoglycemia.

105
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,894
Sugar level drops, so do I.

106
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,968
I'm sorry. Your room isn't ready yet.

107
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,979
But you can leave your luggage here,
and I will have it delivered to your room.

108
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,070
Dad, I'm starving.

109
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,277
- Can we just go get some lunch?
- Hold the mayo.

110
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:21,716
Hold on a second here.

111
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,085
You probably didn't know this, Heath,

112
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,953
but if you check the Grand Ballroom

113
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,583
and see which group
is booked there this evening,

114
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,889
I think your tune may change a wee bit.

115
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,901
- Mini Kiss. The cover band.
- Yeah, I'm not with them.

116
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,335
Is there a manager I could speak with?

117
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,139
You know, she's not available
right now, so...

118
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,676
You're taking my legs out
from under me here.

119
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:48,439
- Is the Terrace Cafe open for lunch?
- Yes, it is.

120
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,008
I'm out.

121
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,915
Bring it in, Heath.

122
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,077
Little tighter, bring it in. Yes.

123
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,019
Just a little bit closer range.
I can't let this out.

124
00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:02,184
But it seems to be that I'm going to be
delivering the keynote speech tonight

125
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,922
at the security officers' convention.

126
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,522
You know, I think they canceled that.

127
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,194
They didn't.

128
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,464
But it was downsized to Conference Room C.

129
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,129
Nope, F.

130
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,209
- Okay, here's a map of the property.
- Okay.

131
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,778
There you are.

132
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,446
- Thank you.
- No, that's yours to keep.

133
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,179
Don't need it. It's already been scanned.
Locked and loaded.

134
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,514
Thank you. Time for some lunch.

135
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:30,610
- Sir?
- Yeah?

136
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,290
Your daughter and the restaurant
are that way,

137
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:38,351
Yeah, you had that upside down
when I scanned it. That's why... It's on you.

138
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,611
- Was I lying about the conch fritters?
- You were not.

139
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,691
They're amazing,
with just the right amount of zip.

140
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:45,895
- Yeah, you got to love the zip.
- I do. I mean, I was born to zip.

141
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,233
<i>I put my hand upon my hip
When I zip</i>

142
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,739
<i>- You zip
- We zip</i>

143
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,875
I can't believe you know that song.

144
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,309
Hey, sir. You actually forgot
your valet ticket.

145
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,309
- Thank you.
- It's free.

146
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,145
Yeah.

147
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,649
I'm gonna go.

148
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,423
You were born to zip?

149
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,486
Since when do you use the word "zip"?

150
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:10,822
- I always use the word "zip."
- I don't like it.

151
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:14,326
Hipster talk Everybody's zipping.

152
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,925
You need to slow it down, young lady.

153
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:20,004
Look, Dad, you're gonna have to
get used to the fact that I'm a big girl now.

154
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,563
Okay, first of all, we're all big.
We're Blarts.

155
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,702
Wide hips, thick ankles
and a low center of gravity.

156
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,438
That's how the good Lord made us.

157
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,173
That's why we're no good at running hurdles,
and we never will be.

158
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,539
What is that?

159
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,346
This? It's my vibrating fork.

160
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,546
It forces me to eat slower.

161
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:38,111
You think I eat fast at home?

162
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,192
On vacation, I'm like a cheetah
chasing a faster cheetah.

163
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,026
Okay, see? Look at that right there.

164
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,066
It's just fuel. It's just fuel.

165
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,625
Here you go.

166
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,397
- Mr Blart.
Shanghai!

167
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,201
Sorry. Sorry to startle you, sir.

168
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,572
- That's okay. You just hit the trip wire is all.
- Okay.

169
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,202
Well, I'm Divina Martinez,
the hotel's general manager,

170
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,769
and I wanted to apologize

171
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,475
about the confusion
regarding the convention.

172
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,574
And good news, I upgraded your room.

173
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,215
It has a view of the Strip.

174
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,587
It's ready right now,
and I wanted to give you the keys personally.

175
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:16,785
Sorry about that.

176
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,760
Although, I must say,
you have very soft hands.

177
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,096
Airbag!

178
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,490
Excuse me?

179
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,830
I sense what you're doing, Divina.

180
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,800
What am I doing?

181
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,906
Truthfully, being a bit transparent.

182
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,939
I'm sorry, I don't follow.

183
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,942
Look, I understand it's the 21st century,

184
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,917
and a woman can go after hers
just like a man.

185
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,948
- Dad, I'm pretty sure she wasn't...
- Tadpole, this is grown-up stuff. Okay?

186
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,852
Look, I know it takes two to tango,

187
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:49,187
but my dancing shoes
are currently out for repair.

188
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:53,495
- Sir. I'm sorry if I...
- Apology not needed.

189
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:57,295
Just know I'm working my way
through a maze of personal fire,

190
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,031
and until the flames of chaos subside,

191
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,800
I'm just not ready for public consumption.

192
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,541
I understand, sir.

193
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,168
Have a great stay.

194
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,813
It's not just me, right?
I mean, she was relentless.

195
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,145
Relentless.

196
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,451
What troubles you, my pet?

197
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:26,288
I just had the strangest exchange
with that guy over there,

198
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,396
Yeah.

199
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,800
He accused me of hitting on him.

200
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,805
Funny.

201
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:39,139
They say overweight people
use humor to achieve affection.

202
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,810
You know what, that makes sense.

203
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,674
Excuse me, Ms. Martinez?

204
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:49,379
- Our VIP guest has arrived.
- Thank you.

205
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,380
Okay.

206
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,027
Welcome back to Wynn Las Vegas, Mr. Sofel.

207
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,157
We have the accommodations
you requested all ready for you.

208
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,827
If you need anything at all, please,
don't hesitate to call either myself

209
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,063
or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo.

210
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,431
You guys took me for
a lot of money on my last visit.

211
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,940
Well, I hope you're able to
turn that around this time.

212
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,075
I plan to.

213
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,379
I got to say, I don't know
how this is an upgrade.

214
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,748
I'll tell you what, Maya, you take the bed.
I will take the rollaway.

215
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,753
Dad, this is your convention.
You can't sleep on the rollaway.

216
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,585
I certainly can, okay?
I once fell asleep raking leaves.

217
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,479
We'll figure it out later.
I got to get going.

218
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,926
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay.

219
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:33,361
Thanks for telling me Victoria's secret.

220
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,762
What do you think you're wearing,
young lady?

221
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,356
A bathing suit?

222
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,092
Maybe for an elf.

223
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,865
Decorum. De-cor-um.

224
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,602
- I was just going to hang out by the pool.
- Yeah, well, not in that, you're not.

225
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,108
Fine.

226
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,701
- Then I'm going exploring.
- Hold up.

227
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,212
- You got your extra phone battery?
- Yes.

228
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,270
- Flashlight?
- Always.

229
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,450
- Hot pepper spray?
- Check.

230
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,075
- Pocketknife keychain window smasher?
-I do.

231
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:56,120
- Baby road flares?
- Yes' I've got it all!

232
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,951
One more second here, There.

233
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,457
I've set it to monitor,
so I can hear everything that's going on.

234
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,925
No way. I already feel like a SWAT unit.

235
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,725
Maya! Security is a mission.

236
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,562
Not an intermission.

237
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,797
Well, let's see if I bankrolled
the right NSA agent.

238
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,749
- How's that?
- So far, so good.

239
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,425
Excuse me guys,

240
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,089
but we have a complaint about the noise.

241
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,169
That's why we have you.

242
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,535
Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.

243
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,842
Right? Look at that. Smiley.

244
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,938
You don't want to know
what it took to get the real deal.

245
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,378
No, I don't.

246
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,542
Okay.

247
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,485
They've moved several of
the pieces in the last few days.

248
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,717
Here's the new locations of all 13.

249
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:12,128
Perfect. All right, I want to be in and out
in less than nine hours, people.

250
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,289
Sync up.

251
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:15,988
Sync.

252
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,460
Let's go!

253
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,804
Yes, shooter, yes! Yeah!

254
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,870
- What's all the hoopla, friend?
- This guy's crushing.

255
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,642
I'm literally running
out of room for my chips.

256
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,706
He's on the greatest run I've ever seen!

257
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,218
Sir, you're gonna have to place a bet
if you want to stand at the table.

258
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,550
I don't know how to play craps,
but I'll tell you what,

259
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,487
Lady Luck's certainly
been in my corner as of late.

260
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,049
So I am in, okay? What do I do?

261
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,993
It's easy. Give me $60.
We'll place the six.

262
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,598
- $60.
- 60 bucks.

263
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,565
Wow, this is exciting.
I got to be honest, very exciting.

264
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,831
Sir, can I get you a drink?

265
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,866
You know what, how much for a root beer?

266
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,909
'Cause I'm currently very invested
in Mr. Wynn's casino.

267
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:02,502
- Well, actually, it's complimentary.
Complimentary.

268
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,445
I love it! Root beers around the horn!

269
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,710
What do you... Just one is fine. Just one.

270
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,013
Sir, come on. This table's really hot.

271
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,883
- Give me 20 bucks for the hard six.
- Okay. $20.

272
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,182
- Give me $20 for the hard eight.
- $20.

273
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,917
- Give me $25 for the horn high yo.
- $25.

274
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,892
- Give me $20 on the field.
- That's all I have.

275
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,587
- The field is out there.
- No more bets.

276
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,356
All right! I've never felt more alive!

277
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,023
Shooter, come on! Number...

278
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,225
Seven out. Craps.

279
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,359
- Loser!
- Fat guy ruined it.

280
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,267
- You lost everything.
- You suck!

281
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:29,602
Get your bets down,
C and E's, horn bets, high-lows.

282
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,232
- Get this game going.
- Your root beer, sir.

283
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,470
Thank you.

284
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,051
Yeah, I would love that.

285
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,928
That's a very good choice. Nice. Gold.

286
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,600
Yeah, exactly. It was him. You guys...

287
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:57,657
Let's go.

288
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,328
How long have you worked here?

289
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,737
Not too long ls that your dad?

290
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:12,238
I wish I could say no right now.
I'll be right back.

291
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,614
- Dad?
Hey!

292
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,656
See you later, Tom and Rita.
You guys are awesome. Take care.

293
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,314
I'll see you at the reception.
I'm not gonna go.

294
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,813
I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go.

295
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,351
- Dad, are you spying on me?
Spying?

296
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:28,262
- No. No, no, no. I...
- Dad, you're embarrassing me!

297
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,530
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'll leave you alone.

298
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,763
Please.

299
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:38,664
Blart!

300
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,368
Saul Gundermutt,

301
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,310
head of the Security Officers
Trade Association.

302
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:46,714
- I catch you at a bad time?
- No. No, no. It's a pleasure, sir.

303
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,114
Pleasure's mine.

304
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:52,619
And I just want you to know
that I got you sitting at my table tonight.

305
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,791
I got to say, sir, I am just so excited.

306
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,794
I'm gonna be honest, I did hear rumblings.

307
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,828
Rumblings?
- About the keynote.

308
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,458
Yeah. Well, with good reason.

309
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,729
Nick Panero's giving it.

310
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,030
Great guy, great guy.

311
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,970
Yeah, Nick Panero.
Those were the rumblings.

312
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,009
That is just terrific.

313
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,044
It really is. That's I'm so happy.

314
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:15,773
You know, maybe I could
meet him sometime.

315
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,906
- Pick his brawn.
- Here's your chance.

316
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:21,417
Blart, Officer Nick Panero
and Officer Gino Chizetti.

317
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,420
- Hey, Officer Panero.
- Hold the applesauce, hotshot.

318
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:27,389
I heard of you Rumor has it you thought
you were giving the keynote tonight.

319
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,357
- He thought he was giving it.
- You thought you were giving it?

320
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,088
- No. You know what, I never said...
- Man, you gotta stop

321
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:32,992
bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart.

322
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,172
- It was, like, six years ago.
- You got to let it go.

323
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,064
I never brought up Black Friday.

324
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:47,406
I heard you're pretty good
on one of those things.

325
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,241
I've been known to dabble.

326
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,715
I... I really shouldn't.

327
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:57,447
Actually, sir, you can't.

328
00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:00,183
I'll need a valid driver's license
if you want to take it for a test drive.

329
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,557
Yeah, I'm all-access,
if you'll peep the laminate, okay?

330
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,358
Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode.

331
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,367
Okay, well, I see you know
your way around a p133.

332
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,032
I do, I do, but this gal's a bit tired.

333
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,538
I got a modified i2 Commuter myself.

334
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,101
Still gonna need a valid license, though.

335
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,611
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

336
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,213
How's that? Is that valid enough for you?

337
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,057
That was pretty valid, huh?

338
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117
- Yeah.
- Please be careful, sir.

339
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:39,662
It's about weight distribution.

340
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:42,460
Make sure both your hands
are firmly on the grips.

341
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,761
I guess you wouldn't want me doing this!

342
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,738
- Yeah!
- Please don't.

343
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,768
Missed.

344
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:56,469
Blart!

345
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,105
- You see that?
- That's not good.

346
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,912
Still got the laminate.

347
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:13,457
Dad, are you okay?
You should really get checked out.

348
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,999
Pumpkin, my body's fine.

349
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,090
It's my ego that took a hit.

350
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,995
It turns out I'm not giving
the keynote tonight.

351
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,437
Well, you know what?

352
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,705
You should call a cop,
because you got robbed.

353
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,336
Well, thanks, kitten.
Technically, I don't need a cop.

354
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:30,880
- It's a figure of speech, Daddy.
- No, no, I know.

355
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,678
I'm just saying, you know,
just that cops think they're all that,

356
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,650
and I don't like it.

357
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:39,455
I do not like it.

358
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:44,122
Boy. We got a meet-and-greet in 15.

359
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,392
I was wrong! The body does hurt.

360
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,796
Lactic acid!

361
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,467
Honey, you're not even dressed. Come on.

362
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:57,303
As exciting as that sounds,
I think I'm just gonna take a bath and a nap.

363
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,501
I'm kind of tired.

364
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,643
Okay, yeah. I mean, no, you should...

365
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,808
You should get some rest.

366
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:09,478
Well, I'll come back
and get you for dinner at Bartolotta,

367
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,385
'cause we got reservations at 6:00.

368
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:14,185
- It's supposed to be the real deal.
- Gotcha.

369
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:21,758
Hey. Dad?

370
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,768
I'm really sorry about the speech.

371
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,334
I'll see you later.

372
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,078
I got this one guy against the wall.
He's really sweating. He knows it's over.

373
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,118
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see this other guy,

374
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,348
and then I turn to him
and I say, "Hand over the yogurt."

375
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,947
It was over that fast.

376
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,787
- Lights out.
- Lights out.

377
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,355
Hey, how much you pay for that belt?

378
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,754
I don't know. It was a gift
from my daughter.

379
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:57,767
You got a guy? 'Cause I got a guy.

380
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,561
No, I don't have a belt guy.

381
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:03,706
- That's crazy. What, you don't got a belt guy?
- No, I don't have a belt guy.

382
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,542
Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

383
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,807
Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

384
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,744
Nice to meet you.

385
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,443
It's been a heck of a day,
and that embrace certainly helped.

386
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:16,918
So thank you. First one warmed me up,
this one brought it home.

387
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:20,219
I think you kissed the shoulder.
All right, thank you.

388
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,553
My pleasure.

389
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,618
- Okay.
- It's time to go.

390
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,095
It is. And I think the
doors are open, so...

391
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:36,565
Whats the latest, friend?

392
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,074
The Big Sticky Mess.

393
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,303
A grenade launcher that shoots glue foam.

394
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:48,308
Marbles. You can't run
with these under your feet.

395
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:49,784
You can't even stand.

396
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:57,790
The Vitru Sonic Taser renders your assailant
incapacitated for five seconds at a time.

397
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:05,295
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey, Saul. What you got there?

398
00:22:05,357 --> 00:22:07,598
It's getting revealed
tomorrow at the luncheon.

399
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:10,106
It's a prototype.
I'm not supposed to show anybody,

400
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:14,542
but since you're into
gyro-performance vehicles, take a gander.

401
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,788
Things will never be the same.

402
00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:43,367
No!

403
00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:46,068
Are you kidding me? Great.

404
00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:49,640
- Are you okay?
- Thank you so much.

405
00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,218
- Okay, here we go.
- Thanks.

406
00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:01,985
- See you.
- Have a good day.

407
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:05,053
Hey, check it out, guys.

408
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:07,255
When you want them to pay the price,
you reach for The Finisher.

409
00:23:07,353 --> 00:23:11,165
The most effective non-lethal
beanbag firearm on the market today.

410
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,427
Why don't you give it a spin?

411
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:15,561
- Me?
- Yeah. It's easy.

412
00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:17,231
Okay.

413
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,042
Laser focus.

414
00:23:28,707 --> 00:23:31,347
Exhale, pull the trigger. Predator.

415
00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:36,726
The adjustments are off on the sight.
I can tell, it's a little off here.

416
00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:38,420
That's the problem.

417
00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:40,724
- Paul Blart, Mall Cop.
- Yes, sir?

418
00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:43,528
Eduardo Furtillo,
head of security of Wynn Las Vegas.

419
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,967
Pleasure to meet a fellow brother-in-arms.

420
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:48,265
You know, a fun fact for you,
you might not notice,

421
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,864
but Mr. Furtillo here,
being the head of security,

422
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,239
is in a black coat while...

423
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:55,339
- I'm sorry, son, I didn't get your name.
- Jenkins.

424
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:57,142
...Jenkins is in a purple coat.

425
00:23:57,236 --> 00:24:01,776
See, there's a hierarchy of coat colors
based on their security responsibilities.

426
00:24:01,874 --> 00:24:05,219
Black, gray, pine, and then, last, purple.

427
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:06,779
Sorry, no offense.

428
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:10,224
You're wearing a polyester shirt
with Spanx underneath.

429
00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:12,122
Yes. Good catch.

430
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:17,264
- I see you admiring the non-lethals.
- Yeah.

431
00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:20,463
I guess they don't trust you
with the real stuff?

432
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,561
No, they do, but we choose not to.

433
00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,904
I mean, what are you
really guarding anyway?

434
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,104
Cell phone covers and Cinnabon?

435
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:30,169
There's also three ATMs
and a Dave & Buster's

436
00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:33,250
that just is off the hook after 9:00.
It just gets crazy.

437
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:36,416
By the way, as a professional courtesy,

438
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:40,753
I'm happy to keep my eyes peeled
for any irregularities while I'm here, so...

439
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:42,759
Hey. Closer.

440
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:45,188
Closer.

441
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,762
Since I was named
head of security five years ago,

442
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,599
we have not had
so much as a towel go missing.

443
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:56,265
Your mother must be very proud
of your accomplishments.

444
00:25:02,034 --> 00:25:03,377
That got real.

445
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,452
Wow' that was impressive.

446
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,046
Was it me, or did he smell
like tobacco and vanilla?

447
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:15,182
'Cause I got a...
I don't know if it's cologne...

448
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,452
Let's just get some yogurt.

449
00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:28,370
Maya?

450
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:30,462
Honey, I've been thinking about the menu,

451
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:34,136
and I don't care,
I'm going double parm. So...

452
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:38,045
Sunshine, you still in the tub?

453
00:25:39,171 --> 00:25:40,548
Honey?

454
00:25:49,815 --> 00:25:51,158
Get me security!

455
00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:54,924
That's so cool' you got into UCLA.
You must be stoked!

456
00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:58,425
Not really. I haven't been able
to tell my dad.

457
00:25:58,524 --> 00:26:00,684
Why not? That's huge!
Don't you think he'll be excited?

458
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,228
I don't think he can handle it.

459
00:26:02,327 --> 00:26:04,864
My parents were thrilled when I got my GED.

460
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:07,570
That is so cool your parents
support you like that.

461
00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:09,543
Yup. Third time was the charm.

462
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:13,912
I'm not kidding.
Was closer to four, actually.

463
00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:19,883
No. I got to go.
I was supposed to meet my dad for dinner.

464
00:26:19,945 --> 00:26:22,585
- Okay, cool. Maybe I'll see you later.
- Yeah. I hope so.

465
00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:23,682
Yeah, okay.

466
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,800
My daughter's missing.
She's not answering her phone.

467
00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:35,634
Mr. Blart, I want you to know
that we will get to the bottom of this,

468
00:26:35,727 --> 00:26:37,206
despite our differences.

469
00:26:39,064 --> 00:26:40,304
Differences?

470
00:26:40,399 --> 00:26:43,243
We need to establish motive.
Do you have a lot of money?

471
00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:44,804
- Define "a lot." I mean, there's...
- Any.

472
00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:47,611
No. Actually, I don't have a lot, no.

473
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,144
All right, are you an important man?

474
00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:50,881
Well, you know, that depends who you ask.

475
00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:52,217
I got to be honest.

476
00:26:53,879 --> 00:26:56,052
Could this be some domestic situation?

477
00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,719
- Your wife got angry?
- I'm not married.

478
00:26:57,783 --> 00:27:00,389
- Your girlfriend found out you...
- No girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend.

479
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,172
- Does anybody love you?
- Yes. My daughter,

480
00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:03,325
and she's been kidnapped.

481
00:27:03,422 --> 00:27:04,492
You know, since she's an adult,

482
00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,592
normally we're not gonna file
a missing persons report

483
00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:08,178
till she's gone for at least 24 hours.

484
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,540
Well, let me tell you something.

485
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:12,303
I've been in the security game
for over 16 years,

486
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:14,900
and I've seen things
that you would not comprehend.

487
00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:18,505
Understand this.
We are pulling the trigger, boys.

488
00:27:18,770 --> 00:27:22,115
Now, I need you to establish a perimeter
and lock down the premises.

489
00:27:23,175 --> 00:27:25,815
- You going to answer that?
- We're losing precious time!

490
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:29,921
This is Officer Blart.
I need to keep this line...

491
00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:33,621
Yep. No, no. Okay. I see.

492
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:36,929
Yes. No, no, I can't... I can't...

493
00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:38,866
I can't talk about it right now.

494
00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:40,959
Okay, okay, okay. Now, we're gonna talk...

495
00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:42,664
We're gonna talk about it later.
We're gonna tam about...

496
00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:44,672
I gotta get going. I'm going.

497
00:27:56,441 --> 00:27:58,978
Yeah, that was my daughter.
She's calling from the restaurant.

498
00:27:59,044 --> 00:28:00,955
She just... She just called.

499
00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:02,720
She's good.

500
00:28:07,886 --> 00:28:10,890
My agents are highly trained professionals

501
00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:13,367
that do not have time to let you play out

502
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:17,804
your little fantasies
about being a real cop, Mr. Blart.

503
00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:20,400
Totally understand. I get it.
Yeah, you're right.

504
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,738
It is Officer Blart.

505
00:28:43,989 --> 00:28:46,196
Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.

506
00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:49,763
Really? Well, you know what?
I've lost my appetite.

507
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:52,899
What has gotten into you? You lied to me.

508
00:28:52,998 --> 00:28:54,534
You said you were taking a nap.

509
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,672
- Well, I was going to, but...
- You never called me once.

510
00:28:57,736 --> 00:29:00,876
You leave the bath filled,
which could have caused water damage,

511
00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:03,442
candles lit, which could have
burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.

512
00:29:03,542 --> 00:29:06,352
I'm sorry. It's just that Lane invited me
to go out to the pool...

513
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:09,051
Lane? Lane?
That's what this betrayal's about?

514
00:29:09,114 --> 00:29:11,594
Chicken Chow Lane?

515
00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:13,720
Dad, people are looking.

516
00:29:13,785 --> 00:29:14,865
What happened to her, Maya?

517
00:29:14,886 --> 00:29:17,594
What happened to the pristine girl
who could never tell a lie?

518
00:29:17,689 --> 00:29:19,566
What happened to
my little George Washington?

519
00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:21,505
- George Washington?
- He could never tell a lie.

520
00:29:21,526 --> 00:29:22,966
He was full truth in a powdered wig.

521
00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:25,035
- I think you're overreacting.
- Really?

522
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:26,777
And when were you
gonna tell me about that?

523
00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:30,369
- Where did you find this?
Please, Maya,

524
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,075
I'm a highly trained security specialist.

525
00:29:32,137 --> 00:29:34,117
You can't expect to keep secrets from me.

526
00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:37,317
I didn't think I'd get in.

527
00:29:38,210 --> 00:29:40,247
I didn't even know you applied there.

528
00:29:40,312 --> 00:29:42,883
What happened to Central Jersey
Applied Technical Junior College?

529
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:45,451
We're talking about UCLA here.

530
00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:47,325
Yeah, I thought
we were talking about CJATJC.

531
00:29:47,419 --> 00:29:48,489
Dad, you don't understand.

532
00:29:48,587 --> 00:29:50,624
I have a chance to go to California.

533
00:29:50,722 --> 00:29:54,602
Maya, California, it's too far away.

534
00:29:57,329 --> 00:29:58,933
Well, think about it this way.

535
00:29:58,997 --> 00:30:01,978
You could come visit me in the wintertime
when it's really cold in Jersey.

536
00:30:02,067 --> 00:30:05,139
Of course I can, if I want some smog
on my earthquake flakes!

537
00:30:07,439 --> 00:30:10,147
You know what? I've decided. I'm going.

538
00:30:10,242 --> 00:30:12,586
Wait, wait. You just decided?

539
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:15,022
Well, you know what? Decision overruled.

540
00:30:15,113 --> 00:30:16,786
Judge Blart now in session!

541
00:30:22,454 --> 00:30:26,800
I know you've lost a lot lately,
and you're scared,

542
00:30:29,594 --> 00:30:32,768
but what you're doing right now
is so wrong.

543
00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:38,276
I'm going to UCLA.

544
00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:40,881
Maya. Maya, you get back...

545
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,812
Maya.

546
00:30:51,116 --> 00:30:53,392
Paul? I catch you at a bad Mme?

547
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,021
I want you to meet the wife.

548
00:30:56,221 --> 00:30:58,030
- Okay.
- Nice to meet you.

549
00:30:58,123 --> 00:31:00,034
- Nice to meet you, yeah.
- Are you here with your wife?

550
00:31:00,125 --> 00:31:01,536
- Daughter.
- Yeah.

551
00:31:01,626 --> 00:31:05,802
It's our last trip together
before she goes off to college.

552
00:31:06,998 --> 00:31:07,999
Crusher.

553
00:31:08,066 --> 00:31:10,637
- Gosh, ours just went last year.
- Yeah.

554
00:31:10,702 --> 00:31:13,979
It was just as depressing as Idaho.

555
00:31:14,573 --> 00:31:16,177
Yeah, the silence was unbearable.

556
00:31:16,241 --> 00:31:18,321
I mean, the house was like
a cold tomb of loneliness.

557
00:31:19,511 --> 00:31:20,888
Anyway...

558
00:31:20,979 --> 00:31:22,822
- I would get so sad.
- Honey.

559
00:31:23,648 --> 00:31:25,525
When you would leave for work,

560
00:31:26,585 --> 00:31:29,657
I would just fire up the Sarah McLachlan,
walk into her closet

561
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:32,099
and smell the sweaters
that she left behind.

562
00:31:32,591 --> 00:31:34,231
Yeah, I smell them. I smell the sweaters.

563
00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:37,365
Well, at least I have
this little angel to get me through.

564
00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:39,436
I mean, can you imagine

565
00:31:39,531 --> 00:31:41,238
- trying to get through it alone?
- No, I couldn't do it.

566
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:43,253
- Could not do it.
- I could never do that alone.

567
00:31:44,069 --> 00:31:46,071
- I love you.
- Love you, too.

568
00:31:49,441 --> 00:31:51,352
Can't wait to meet your wife.

569
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:52,889
- Yeah, that'd be terrific.
- Yeah.

570
00:31:52,944 --> 00:31:55,356
- Vegas, baby!
- Let's hit the tables!

571
00:31:55,947 --> 00:31:59,019
Have her call me if you want to
get her nails done or whatever.

572
00:32:04,022 --> 00:32:05,228
All right.

573
00:32:24,643 --> 00:32:25,644
Problem?

574
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:29,888
They've already upgraded the lock
on Mr. van Gogh to the dual control.

575
00:32:30,715 --> 00:32:32,956
You said the upgrades
weren't scheduled till tomorrow.

576
00:32:33,051 --> 00:32:35,395
Because that is what the
security e-mail said.

577
00:32:36,054 --> 00:32:37,414
Now, I do have a guy on the inside

578
00:32:37,456 --> 00:32:39,834
who was supposed to alert me
if the schedule changed.

579
00:32:39,925 --> 00:32:41,302
Obviously, he didn't.

580
00:32:41,660 --> 00:32:42,798
Options.

581
00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:45,101
We disable both controls
at the exact same moment

582
00:32:45,163 --> 00:32:46,665
with a thermal lance. Now, it can be done,

583
00:32:46,765 --> 00:32:48,438
but that's gonna push us back.

584
00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:53,482
Okay. Let's switch out all the other pieces
before the rest get upgraded.

585
00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:55,142
Then we can focus on the van Gogh.

586
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,960
It's number one on our buyer's list,
and I am not leaving without it.

587
00:33:00,579 --> 00:33:01,956
Everybody listen up.

588
00:33:02,747 --> 00:33:03,817
We're going now.

589
00:33:03,915 --> 00:33:05,555
Now, we're leaving the van Gogh for last,

590
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:08,121
so Nadia will coordinate the new order.

591
00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:11,497
They say Las Vegas has
the best security in the world.

592
00:33:11,590 --> 00:33:13,467
Well, we're about to find out.

593
00:33:14,926 --> 00:33:16,769
Bring me your guy on the inside.

594
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,867
- What'd I do?
- You don't get it.

595
00:33:20,966 --> 00:33:22,206
- You just do not get it.
- Get what?

596
00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:23,802
I said you had nice hair and nice teeth.

597
00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:26,782
- Officer needs assistance.
- Don't you get it?

598
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:30,479
You smell like peat moss and curry,
and I think I'm gonna throw up.

599
00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,351
You don't want to go out with me?

600
00:33:32,444 --> 00:33:37,223
Whoa. Seems to me like two nice people
are trying to board the peace train,

601
00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,022
but she seems to have derailed.

602
00:33:39,117 --> 00:33:44,328
Look, this hairy, drunk rent-a-cop
confused "go away" for "hit on me."

603
00:33:44,389 --> 00:33:46,130
- Hey...
- Ma'am, Officer Panero here,

604
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,671
who, in my professional opinion,
doesn't seem drunk,

605
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:51,401
has at least three years' training
in distress recognition.

606
00:33:51,496 --> 00:33:54,807
I'm sure he sensed that
an attractive lady sitting by herself

607
00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:57,369
most likely seemed a bit lonely.

608
00:33:58,470 --> 00:34:02,043
So before you retreat
behind that wall we all put up,

609
00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:06,486
just know that Officer Panero
was here for you.

610
00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:09,356
Maybe I overreacted.

611
00:34:09,414 --> 00:34:11,724
And he's giving the keynote tonight.

612
00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:18,394
- Pleasure to be here.
- He's blotto.

613
00:34:19,024 --> 00:34:20,904
Sort of like someone's mother
last Columbus Day.

614
00:34:20,926 --> 00:34:23,270
Will you let it go? It was a
half box of wine.

615
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,440
She's very patriotic.

616
00:34:27,699 --> 00:34:29,610
Well, there's no way Panero can go on.

617
00:34:29,701 --> 00:34:33,774
We need a leader right now that can
step up, take the reins and inspire us.

618
00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:34,907
I understand.

619
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:38,579
I tried contacting Officer Ferguson from
TSA, but he must have his phone off.

620
00:34:38,677 --> 00:34:39,781
I mean, my hands are tied.

621
00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:52,857
Paul?

622
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,806
Can you step up to the mate and save us?

623
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:02,606
I'm gonna need my dress whites.

624
00:35:12,544 --> 00:35:13,716
Come on.

625
00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:27,067
- Your uniform, as requested, Officer Blart.
- Thank you very much.

626
00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,137
Here you go.

627
00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:33,974
I am the general manager of this resort,
so I don't take tips.

628
00:35:34,065 --> 00:35:36,238
And I don't normally deliver
dry cleaning either,

629
00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:38,144
but I just... I wanted to clarify

630
00:35:38,236 --> 00:35:40,807
that I was not making advances
towards you earlier,

631
00:35:40,905 --> 00:35:42,976
nor would I, ever.

632
00:35:44,442 --> 00:35:48,083
Look, I understand you have
no control over this.

633
00:35:48,580 --> 00:35:51,493
Integrity is a bewitching gumbo,

634
00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:54,826
but I'm preparing now internally,
to give the keynote.

635
00:35:54,919 --> 00:35:56,592
So if you don't mind, okay?

636
00:35:57,589 --> 00:35:59,660
Look, this is crazy.

637
00:36:00,425 --> 00:36:02,427
I'm actually dating someone.

638
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:06,169
Please, ma'am, I practically invented
the fake boyfriend thing.

639
00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:07,436
What?

640
00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:11,037
Listen, you have no bearing
on my life whatsoever.

641
00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:15,341
Your lip is sweating. It's sweating.

642
00:36:46,471 --> 00:36:50,180
There is an audience out there
of security professionals

643
00:36:50,241 --> 00:36:54,348
that paid good money to hear you speak.

644
00:36:54,412 --> 00:36:55,891
They want to hear you.

645
00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:59,985
That's not true. They didn't pay anything,
but they do deserve your best.

646
00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:01,724
They deserve it. They deserve it.

647
00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:03,390
Yeah, come on, man.

648
00:37:03,488 --> 00:37:05,661
Just loosen up, baby, loosen up.

649
00:37:06,491 --> 00:37:09,097
Coming at you! I'm gonna be coming.

650
00:37:09,194 --> 00:37:11,037
Bring it to them, bring it to them.

651
00:37:11,096 --> 00:37:14,236
I'm getting tight. I'm getting tight.

652
00:37:14,332 --> 00:37:15,936
I can't breathe, man.

653
00:37:26,344 --> 00:37:27,618
That's orange chicken.

654
00:37:27,712 --> 00:37:29,851
What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say?

655
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,918
I got to get air.
I got to get air, I got to get air.

656
00:37:33,017 --> 00:37:34,587
I got to get some air.

657
00:37:34,686 --> 00:37:36,290
I got to get air, I got to get air.

658
00:37:47,532 --> 00:37:48,943
This is nice.

659
00:37:50,034 --> 00:37:51,980
And pulse back in range.

660
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:54,045
Okay.

661
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:01,122
Thank you.

662
00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:11,266
Get out of here.

663
00:38:15,059 --> 00:38:16,231
All right.

664
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:21,303
Hey! Nope, nope, move along.

665
00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:23,643
Getaway. Move along.

666
00:38:30,241 --> 00:38:32,949
Get away from me. Hefeweizen!

667
00:38:42,687 --> 00:38:44,030
Get out of here!

668
00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,369
Get out of here.

669
00:38:57,635 --> 00:38:58,875
Get out!

670
00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:10,786
My God!

671
00:39:16,788 --> 00:39:18,631
Is there someone you can call?

672
00:39:24,295 --> 00:39:26,332
Can you help me? Can you call backup?

673
00:39:33,905 --> 00:39:35,816
I hurt my neck, I hurt my neck.

674
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:37,812
Okay.

675
00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:45,393
Hey, thanks for all your help.

676
00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:52,862
There you are.

677
00:39:52,924 --> 00:39:55,200
- We're about to announce you.
- Okay.

678
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:56,929
Come on. Maya.

679
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,212
Thanks.

680
00:40:03,268 --> 00:40:05,111
Cool party. Whose suite is this?

681
00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:07,080
The housekeepers are
all good friends of mine.

682
00:40:07,171 --> 00:40:10,084
They let me know when the high rollers
check out early, so...

683
00:40:11,576 --> 00:40:14,523
- You okay?
- Yeah. Everything's great.

684
00:40:15,346 --> 00:40:16,916
I'll be right back.
I got something for you.

685
00:40:17,015 --> 00:40:18,619
I think you're gonna like it.

686
00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:33,435
Yeah!

687
00:40:33,531 --> 00:40:34,771
Very kind, very kind.

688
00:40:34,866 --> 00:40:38,575
Ladies and gentlemen,
I know you're here to see Nick Panero

689
00:40:38,636 --> 00:40:40,616
deliver the keynote speech.

690
00:40:40,705 --> 00:40:45,211
However, due to circumstances
beyond our control,

691
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:48,155
we've had to bring in
a different speaker tonight.

692
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,082
Yeah, I know, I'm disappointed, too.

693
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:56,228
So, instead, how about
a nice, warm Expo welcome

694
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:58,733
for Officer Paul Blart.

695
00:41:08,232 --> 00:41:10,439
Thank you, Officer Gundermutt.

696
00:41:14,005 --> 00:41:15,177
Is it warm in here,

697
00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:18,584
or am I ordering my next uniform
from Rochester Big and Humid?

698
00:41:26,584 --> 00:41:29,963
I am honored to be here,

699
00:41:30,021 --> 00:41:32,160
in the presence of the
greats from the past.

700
00:41:33,591 --> 00:41:38,438
Just looking at these faces reminds me
of the questions so many people ask.

701
00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:40,673
Why do we do it?

702
00:41:41,766 --> 00:41:44,508
Why walk a beat
knowing that on a typical day

703
00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:47,674
you'll get zero pats on the back?

704
00:41:50,675 --> 00:41:52,018
But you know what you will get?

705
00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:53,953
A whole lot of ridicule.

706
00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:57,350
What are you doing here?

707
00:41:57,448 --> 00:41:59,291
I thought Mini Kiss was playing.

708
00:42:00,318 --> 00:42:01,558
What are you doing here?

709
00:42:01,652 --> 00:42:04,155
I get it. We're easy targets.

710
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:08,693
People call us heavy, skinny, lumpy.

711
00:42:08,793 --> 00:42:10,704
They point out our bad skin.

712
00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,418
What is it that we all have in common?

713
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,652
In the words of Joseph Conrad,

714
00:42:27,712 --> 00:42:31,182
who wrote some really long books
about sailing and stuff,

715
00:42:32,683 --> 00:42:35,186
"We live as we dream.

716
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,527
"Alone."

717
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,537
<i>Turns out I am giving the keynote after all,</i>

718
00:42:51,602 --> 00:42:54,208
<i>so it'd mean a lot
if you could be there, peanut.</i>

719
00:43:05,716 --> 00:43:07,093
You were supposed to tell me

720
00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:08,528
- if the schedule got moved.
- Let's calm down.

721
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,190
And no one told me anything.

722
00:43:12,390 --> 00:43:14,063
I'm sorry. Bye.

723
00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:18,238
Get her.

724
00:43:21,399 --> 00:43:24,107
And yet, when people ask me,
"Why do you do it?"

725
00:43:24,202 --> 00:43:25,613
I have to laugh.

726
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,917
'Cause they think I have a choice.

727
00:43:31,242 --> 00:43:32,550
I don't.

728
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:34,590
I, like you, didn't choose security.

729
00:43:34,645 --> 00:43:37,819
Security chose me!

730
00:43:50,161 --> 00:43:54,439
Every morning, I pull my pants on
one leg at a time,

731
00:43:54,499 --> 00:43:56,172
and I slip on my soft-soled shoes,

732
00:43:56,267 --> 00:43:58,110
and I hear the same calling you do.

733
00:44:02,807 --> 00:44:05,083
"Help someone today."

734
00:44:07,145 --> 00:44:08,180
Come on, Dad.

735
00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:14,455
"Help someone today."

736
00:44:14,519 --> 00:44:16,123
Sounds easy, doesn't it?

737
00:44:16,954 --> 00:44:20,424
But if being a security officer was easy,
anybody could do it.

738
00:44:20,858 --> 00:44:22,098
Anyone can do it.

739
00:44:22,593 --> 00:44:24,266
Takes a certain breed.

740
00:44:25,630 --> 00:44:29,271
Someone who has Spidey-senses
when things are going wrong.

741
00:44:32,103 --> 00:44:35,141
Sure, you can meet all kinds of people
in this line of work.

742
00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:36,981
Your shoplifters, your pickpockets,

743
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:39,184
your freeloaders

744
00:44:39,277 --> 00:44:42,622
stealing a nap in
a Brookstone massage chair.

745
00:44:42,947 --> 00:44:44,858
- They're the worst.
- Don't get me started.

746
00:44:44,949 --> 00:44:48,522
And there's the old lady
who can't find her car in Parking Level F

747
00:44:48,619 --> 00:44:51,498
'cause she doesn't have a car.

748
00:44:53,724 --> 00:44:55,465
And there is no Parking Level F.

749
00:44:57,962 --> 00:44:59,805
It only goes up to D.

750
00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:05,537
And all of a sudden you're asking yourself,

751
00:45:05,636 --> 00:45:08,310
"Why do I do it?"

752
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:20,362
Till the little boy, tears in his eyes,
is tugging on your sleeve.

753
00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:24,494
He says to you.

754
00:45:25,356 --> 00:45:27,529
"Mister, mister, mister.

755
00:45:29,427 --> 00:45:31,168
"Can't find my mommy."

756
00:45:39,170 --> 00:45:40,911
That's why you do it.

757
00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:42,177
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

758
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,581
I will close with this.

759
00:45:44,675 --> 00:45:48,680
If you believe the purpose of life
is to only serve yourself,

760
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,919
then you have no purpose.

761
00:45:51,015 --> 00:45:53,427
Help someone today!

762
00:45:59,857 --> 00:46:01,530
Jackpot!
- You nailed it! You nailed it!

763
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,265
Way to go, Blart!

764
00:46:03,361 --> 00:46:05,204
You go, Paul Blart!

765
00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:18,649
Maya, look, I know you're mad at me.

766
00:46:18,743 --> 00:46:20,780
- Dad!
- But hear me out.

767
00:46:20,878 --> 00:46:23,119
<i>- Look, I feel just terrible.</i>
- I need your help!

768
00:46:23,214 --> 00:46:25,387
Yeah, and I need your help.
This is what I'm trying to say.

769
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:28,225
Dad!
I saw something in the Presidential Suite

770
00:46:28,286 --> 00:46:29,822
I guess I wasn't supposed to see.

771
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,797
<i>- And now they're after me.</i>
- Who?

772
00:46:31,889 --> 00:46:32,890
I don't know.

773
00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:36,427
Angel please don't worry.
I know exactly what you're dealing with.

774
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,403
It was just somebody
trying to intimidate you.

775
00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:40,100
Trust me, they're all bark and no bite.

776
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:42,500
They're coming for me!

777
00:46:43,234 --> 00:46:44,941
Misread it. Okay, sweetheart.

778
00:46:45,002 --> 00:46:46,642
Stay on the phone with me. I'm on my way!

779
00:46:49,674 --> 00:46:51,153
Maya, use your pepper spray!

780
00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:54,654
<i>Maya, Maya, what's happening?</i>

781
00:46:55,279 --> 00:46:56,519
Maya?

782
00:46:57,648 --> 00:46:59,821
<i>- Maya!</i>
- Thank you.

783
00:46:59,917 --> 00:47:01,988
<i>- Who is this?</i>
- This is Officer Paul Blart

784
00:47:02,086 --> 00:47:04,157
from the West Orange Pavilion Mall.
Who am I speaking with?

785
00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:05,427
Don't you worry about that.

786
00:47:05,690 --> 00:47:07,650
Well, that's not fair.
I already told you my name.

787
00:47:07,692 --> 00:47:10,605
- Now, where's my daughter?
- Your daughter.

788
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:13,505
Wow, you don't know when to
shut your mouth, do you?

789
00:47:13,597 --> 00:47:15,543
Listen, I don't think you have a clue
to who you're messing with.

790
00:47:15,633 --> 00:47:18,671
Actually, I don't need a clue.
You just told me.

791
00:47:18,769 --> 00:47:21,443
And if you decide to go to the real cops,

792
00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:24,266
attempt to track this cell phone
or make any attempt to come after me,

793
00:47:24,308 --> 00:47:26,151
boy, I am so crazy.

794
00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:28,850
I'll put you and your daughter
in a world of pain.

795
00:47:29,213 --> 00:47:32,524
Yeah? Well, here's a few things
you don't know about me.

796
00:47:32,616 --> 00:47:35,324
First off, pain is my copilot,
so no problem there.

797
00:47:35,386 --> 00:47:36,626
And second off...

798
00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,138
Hello. Hello?

799
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:49,140
Hello? Hello?

800
00:47:50,968 --> 00:47:53,312
Strange. Okay, let's go.

801
00:47:53,804 --> 00:47:54,874
Get rid of this.

802
00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:57,352
Hey, yo, have you guys seen Maya?

803
00:47:57,408 --> 00:48:00,355
- Who's Maya?
- I introduced you to her.

804
00:48:00,411 --> 00:48:02,411
She was the girl
I was talking to right over there.

805
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,256
Dude, he's hammered.
She was on the phone and went that way.

806
00:48:05,349 --> 00:48:06,589
- That way?
- Yeah.

807
00:48:07,418 --> 00:48:08,522
Enjoy.

808
00:48:13,324 --> 00:48:14,428
Maya?

809
00:48:16,861 --> 00:48:18,272
Maya?

810
00:48:20,998 --> 00:48:22,534
Maya?

811
00:48:23,167 --> 00:48:24,840
Looking for someone?

812
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,248
Okay, clear this place out.

813
00:48:32,343 --> 00:48:34,380
This location's been compromised.

814
00:48:34,445 --> 00:48:36,516
Bring those two to the villa.

815
00:48:42,386 --> 00:48:43,797
Sugar.

816
00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:45,623
Sugar.

817
00:48:49,059 --> 00:48:51,596
Daddy, look at the beautiful flowers.
Can I draw on them?

818
00:48:51,695 --> 00:48:54,266
Not now, honey. Daddy's on the phone.
Go with Mommy.

819
00:48:55,599 --> 00:49:00,776
Must get sugar.

820
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:02,774
Come on, sugar.

821
00:50:05,169 --> 00:50:06,512
- Please, sir, please.
- Just let us out.

822
00:50:06,604 --> 00:50:08,606
We're not gonna cause any trouble.
We're not gonna say anything.

823
00:50:08,672 --> 00:50:10,845
- Please, sir. Please.
- Sir, please let us out!

824
00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:16,188
- What the heck is going on?
- I think they're stealing art from the hotel.

825
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,624
- From the what?
- From the hotel.

826
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:21,861
- What is that?
- I got this for you.

827
00:50:24,054 --> 00:50:26,557
Here. It's either this or sunblock.

828
00:50:38,502 --> 00:50:39,537
Maya.

829
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:49,216
Have sweet mercy! Oh, my!

830
00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:53,893
I am so sorry, ma'am.

831
00:50:53,984 --> 00:50:56,430
Nope, my fault. I startled you.

832
00:50:57,021 --> 00:51:00,400
- I just feel terrible.
- No. I deserved it.

833
00:51:00,491 --> 00:51:03,563
Can I help you up
or get you some medical attention?

834
00:51:03,661 --> 00:51:04,731
Not necessary.

835
00:51:04,828 --> 00:51:08,503
This just shifts the focus
away from my arthritis.

836
00:51:14,171 --> 00:51:15,844
- You're sure?
- I'm fine.

837
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:21,087
- Are you gonna want turndown service?
- No, thank you!

838
00:51:22,947 --> 00:51:24,585
Officer, how can I help you?

839
00:51:24,682 --> 00:51:26,559
I need to know who's staying
in your Presidential Suite.

840
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,777
Okay, first of all,
you need to slow things down a bit.

841
00:51:28,852 --> 00:51:31,230
And, secondly, that's actually
against resort policy. So...

842
00:51:31,288 --> 00:51:32,289
I got this, Heath.

843
00:51:32,389 --> 00:51:34,391
Sir, I can help you down here.

844
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,036
Well, I guess I've been overruled.

845
00:51:42,967 --> 00:51:44,047
Now, what can I do for you?

846
00:51:44,068 --> 00:51:47,481
I need information on who's staying
in your Presidential Suite. It's urgent.

847
00:51:47,571 --> 00:51:50,074
- What's going on?
- I can't divulge that at this moment.

848
00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:52,051
It's top secret stuff, okay? Just...

849
00:51:52,810 --> 00:51:54,414
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Blart,

850
00:51:54,478 --> 00:51:56,822
but, unfortunately, I won't be able
to give you that information,

851
00:51:56,914 --> 00:51:58,393
because it is against protocol.

852
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:02,260
See? I told you
I feel no admiration for you,

853
00:52:02,319 --> 00:52:05,562
so sorry, there are no special favors.

854
00:52:07,224 --> 00:52:09,135
You're breathing in double time.

855
00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:10,546
Just tell me who's staying there.

856
00:52:12,396 --> 00:52:14,239
I can't say no to you.

857
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:19,279
He's a high roller who books his rooms
through his company.

858
00:52:19,336 --> 00:52:21,056
Norbertine Shipping
out of Hamburg, Germany.

859
00:52:21,105 --> 00:52:22,175
Shipping. Thank you.

860
00:52:22,272 --> 00:52:23,615
You're so ..

861
00:52:27,244 --> 00:52:28,951
Come on. No.

862
00:53:17,995 --> 00:53:20,134
I think I can short this
and get us out of here.

863
00:53:20,798 --> 00:53:23,836
Or maybe we should just do what they say.

864
00:53:23,901 --> 00:53:27,075
We've seen what they look like, Lane.
They're not gonna let us go.

865
00:53:39,983 --> 00:53:41,656
- Can I help you?
- Hey.

866
00:53:45,189 --> 00:53:46,532
Muhrtelle.

867
00:53:46,857 --> 00:53:49,428
It's pronounced like "turtle" or “girdle?”

868
00:53:49,526 --> 00:53:52,200
No. Muhrtelle. I got it right away.
I'm pretty good.

869
00:53:52,262 --> 00:53:55,402
- Why are you back here?
- No, I'm from shipping, so...

870
00:53:56,667 --> 00:53:58,112
- I'm from shipping.
- Yeah, I Know

871
00:53:58,202 --> 00:54:01,411
I'm from corporate, so...

872
00:54:01,505 --> 00:54:04,179
If you could give me a moment,
I'd like to place a telephone call.

873
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,380
No, no, no, no. No need, really.

874
00:54:06,443 --> 00:54:08,753
Okay, actually, I'm...

875
00:54:08,846 --> 00:54:11,759
I'm from Internal Affairs Shipping. Yeah.

876
00:54:11,849 --> 00:54:15,592
Corporate sent me here to check up
on you and your coworkers.

877
00:54:15,686 --> 00:54:18,428
Random selection.
No need to get too nervous.

878
00:54:18,522 --> 00:54:21,799
- Is it okay I eat my lunch?
- Sure, yeah. You might as well.

879
00:54:21,892 --> 00:54:23,633
I'm just gonna fire
some questions at you, though,

880
00:54:23,727 --> 00:54:26,264
vis-a-vis this particular shipment here.

881
00:54:26,363 --> 00:54:27,569
Now, where exactly did...

882
00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:30,612
Wow, that is the brownest banana
I've ever seen.

883
00:54:30,701 --> 00:54:33,421
That's borderline black. I wouldn't
eat that if I were you. That's...

884
00:54:33,437 --> 00:54:35,314
You're eating it. He's eating it.

885
00:54:35,405 --> 00:54:37,316
I'm gonna throw up a little bit, I think.

886
00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:40,245
I think that's poison.

887
00:54:41,912 --> 00:54:43,220
That's sickening.

888
00:54:47,751 --> 00:54:49,731
Where did this ship from?

889
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,360
I don't know.
Some man brought a bunch of these down

890
00:54:52,422 --> 00:54:54,231
from the Presidential Suite.

891
00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:56,929
You mind opening it for me?

892
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:00,973
Internal Affairs, so I just...

893
00:55:06,737 --> 00:55:08,341
Do you have any identification?

894
00:55:08,772 --> 00:55:09,978
Don't you worry about that, Turtle.

895
00:55:10,073 --> 00:55:12,349
- I'll ask the questions here.
- Wait.

896
00:55:12,509 --> 00:55:14,182
I want to ask a question.

897
00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:18,516
What do you think
you're doing with that crate?

898
00:55:18,615 --> 00:55:20,686
I was just simply just checking that...

899
00:55:28,425 --> 00:55:30,701
- Someone's messing with the shipment!
- Radio.

900
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:33,866
Unacceptable. Kill him.

901
00:55:39,136 --> 00:55:40,615
A mall.

902
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:42,844
Home-court advantage.

903
00:55:51,281 --> 00:55:52,555
Bingo.

904
00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:37,661
Pain!

905
00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:55,117
This is it. I'm going down.

906
00:57:02,552 --> 00:57:03,758
Took care of some cop.

907
00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:06,095
- For good?
<i>- Don't worry about it. He's gone.</i>

908
00:57:06,523 --> 00:57:09,094
He sleeps with the fishes Literally.

909
00:57:09,459 --> 00:57:10,529
Excellent.

910
00:57:16,633 --> 00:57:19,876
Not today, death! Not today!

911
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:27,482
Sir.

912
00:57:28,946 --> 00:57:31,324
We ask that guests dry off
before entering the casino'

913
00:57:31,415 --> 00:57:33,554
Absolutely. I should have thought of that.

914
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:35,290
Why don't you come with me, sir.
I'll get you a dry towel.

915
00:57:35,385 --> 00:57:36,728
That would be great.

916
00:57:38,255 --> 00:57:42,635
On second thought, I think
I'd rather air-dry.

917
00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:45,933
Because you're not who you say you are...

918
00:57:47,631 --> 00:57:49,076
Ramos.

919
00:57:49,633 --> 00:57:50,737
Excuse me?

920
00:57:51,101 --> 00:57:53,411
The buttons on your
uniform are rivet brass,

921
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,472
made by Cintas uniform supply,

922
00:57:55,572 --> 00:57:58,348
which stopped using
that particular type of metal,

923
00:57:58,442 --> 00:58:01,480
due to humanitarian reasons, 18 years ago.

924
00:58:02,479 --> 00:58:04,516
Since there's no way you're a day over 30,

925
00:58:04,614 --> 00:58:06,821
and the Security Association
restricts the hiring

926
00:58:06,917 --> 00:58:08,362
of anybody under the age of 18,

927
00:58:08,452 --> 00:58:12,264
there is no way you are
a security guard here.

928
00:58:13,790 --> 00:58:14,928
You're right.

929
00:58:15,959 --> 00:58:17,199
Headbutt!

930
00:58:18,528 --> 00:58:20,633
That's a very good defense. One more!

931
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:23,274
I'm definitely done. Not this time!

932
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,670
- That was the last one. You have my word.
- All right.

933
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:30,784
Hey. What's going on?

934
00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:36,822
- Hey. Sorry. Guy's drunk.
- Well, why'd you let him run off?

935
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,292
- I'll make sure I get him back to his room.
- You do that.

936
00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:47,229
Security's been breached.

937
00:58:48,458 --> 00:58:49,994
Of course.

938
00:58:50,060 --> 00:58:52,040
Eduardo's in on it.

939
00:58:52,129 --> 00:58:54,166
Fool me once, shame on me.

940
00:58:54,231 --> 00:58:57,075
Fool me twice, shame on me.

941
00:58:57,868 --> 00:59:00,178
No, that's me twice. That doesn't work.

942
00:59:00,837 --> 00:59:01,872
Hey!

943
00:59:29,933 --> 00:59:31,435
Gosh. Come on.

944
00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:47,020
Hey!

945
01:00:18,715 --> 01:00:20,319
That's Paul Blart.

946
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,397
- I'd love to see you up there.
- I would if I had a good hamstring.

947
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:28,376
- I don't got a good hamstring.
- It's all right.

948
01:00:37,167 --> 01:00:39,078
Who is this guy? What's going on?

949
01:00:56,953 --> 01:00:58,830
Sorry. Big man on a rope!

950
01:00:59,990 --> 01:01:01,025
Sorry.

951
01:01:01,424 --> 01:01:03,995
This whole thing's like a pool inside,
like an indoor pool.

952
01:01:04,094 --> 01:01:05,129
- It's unbelievable.
- Unbelievable.

953
01:01:05,195 --> 01:01:08,176
Take a dip! Yeah!

954
01:01:09,933 --> 01:01:12,709
Yeah! Sorry. Tuck and roll.

955
01:01:15,939 --> 01:01:17,145
This ain't real.

956
01:01:20,110 --> 01:01:21,453
Thank you, Paul!

957
01:01:26,116 --> 01:01:27,117
What a guy!

958
01:02:02,652 --> 01:02:05,155
Come on, man. I know you're in here.

959
01:02:29,679 --> 01:02:30,851
Okay.

960
01:02:48,465 --> 01:02:51,275
It looks like we've come
to a fork in the road.

961
01:02:51,368 --> 01:02:52,369
What?

962
01:02:58,441 --> 01:02:59,613
A little too much club.

963
01:03:04,247 --> 01:03:05,453
Okay.

964
01:03:12,322 --> 01:03:13,665
There you go.

965
01:03:15,558 --> 01:03:16,559
Yeah.

966
01:03:29,639 --> 01:03:32,643
<i>- Ramos, it's Henk. Where are you?</i>
- Le Réve theater.

967
01:03:32,742 --> 01:03:34,244
Some cop may be onto us.

968
01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:37,151
Wait. Big guy? Mustache? Snug pants?

969
01:03:37,247 --> 01:03:39,420
<i>- Yeah, that's the one.
- I thought he was dead.</i>

970
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:41,655
- This guy's like a cockroach.
<i>- Where are you?</i>

971
01:03:41,751 --> 01:03:43,025
<i>We're about to move the Botero.</i>

972
01:03:43,119 --> 01:03:44,154
Roger that.

973
01:03:44,254 --> 01:03:46,825
Henk, Ramos, Botero.

974
01:03:46,923 --> 01:03:48,163
Who are these guys?

975
01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:54,506
Come on, Paul, think for Maya. Think!

976
01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:56,440
<i>All this for stupid art.</i>

977
01:03:57,334 --> 01:03:58,836
Who is Art?

978
01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:00,940
Come on, think.

979
01:04:06,109 --> 01:04:10,148
Windershins! It's about the art!

980
01:04:10,213 --> 01:04:12,386
They're stealing art from the hotel!

981
01:04:14,184 --> 01:04:16,323
Ramos, this is Henk.

982
01:04:16,386 --> 01:04:17,746
Did you get the new locations yet?

983
01:04:17,954 --> 01:04:19,514
Henk, you didn't tell me where you are.

984
01:04:19,689 --> 01:04:21,498
We're in the casino. Stop calling me.

985
01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:25,199
<i>- Vincent wants you, out</i>.
- Let the games begin.

986
01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:43,817
Found our friend.

987
01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:53,258
Didn't see it. Didn't see it.

988
01:04:53,356 --> 01:04:54,858
That's clean glass. Okay.

989
01:04:59,396 --> 01:05:01,842
- So?
- I'm gonna need about 20 minutes, Vincent.

990
01:05:02,232 --> 01:05:03,768
Move as fast as you can.

991
01:05:22,786 --> 01:05:24,288
No, no, no!

992
01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:29,463
Vincent. Vincent, this is Henk.

993
01:05:29,559 --> 01:05:32,199
<i>- Where are you?</i>
- Waiting for the van Gogh. Where are you?

994
01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:33,764
I'm on my way.

995
01:05:33,863 --> 01:05:35,206
I'm coming for you, Maya.

996
01:05:42,038 --> 01:05:43,881
Could you press one, please?

997
01:05:47,877 --> 01:05:49,879
- Good crowd tonight?
- Yeah.

998
01:05:52,081 --> 01:05:54,288
- Did you guys play Beth?
- No.

999
01:05:56,586 --> 01:05:59,726
- Great hair.
- Thanks. It's not mine.

1000
01:06:04,327 --> 01:06:07,240
- Told you we should play Beth.
- Not now. Frank!

1001
01:06:13,069 --> 01:06:14,173
This hotel is solid.

1002
01:06:14,604 --> 01:06:17,244
This gift is adorable, but...

1003
01:06:20,577 --> 01:06:22,318
The globe lights up with copper wiring.

1004
01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:25,256
My father insists that I keep
an extra phone battery on me.

1005
01:06:28,017 --> 01:06:29,257
Stand back.

1006
01:06:31,988 --> 01:06:33,433
That should do it.

1007
01:06:34,624 --> 01:06:35,864
Come on.

1008
01:06:42,298 --> 01:06:44,539
<i>The helicopter is fueled and ready.</i>

1009
01:06:44,634 --> 01:06:47,547
Perfect. What are you doing?

1010
01:06:47,637 --> 01:06:49,446
From the hotel gift basket.

1011
01:06:49,939 --> 01:06:52,977
- What is that in your hand?
- Oatmeal cookie.

1012
01:06:53,042 --> 01:06:55,181
I'm deathly allergic.
What are you trying to do to me?

1013
01:06:55,278 --> 01:06:56,814
- Sorry.
- Get rid of it.

1014
01:06:58,615 --> 01:07:00,117
Double back.
Doubling.

1015
01:07:03,620 --> 01:07:05,497
We can't get out through there.

1016
01:07:06,289 --> 01:07:09,793
- Pocketknife keychain. Just in case.
- In case what?

1017
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:12,237
I get kidnapped by bad guys
and held hostage.

1018
01:07:12,328 --> 01:07:14,638
- It's happened before.
What?

1019
01:07:22,071 --> 01:07:24,142
Room 3402. Charge it please.

1020
01:07:51,367 --> 01:07:54,507
- Hey! Can you help us?
- Absolutely.

1021
01:08:04,714 --> 01:08:07,456
Five more minutes, Vincent,
and then we are done.

1022
01:08:07,550 --> 01:08:09,350
Secure the painting and
let's get out of here.

1023
01:08:09,385 --> 01:08:11,456
We've got less than three hours
to meet our buyer.

1024
01:08:11,888 --> 01:08:13,026
Roger that.

1025
01:08:13,189 --> 01:08:17,103
All right, Vincent,
since you took something precious from me,

1026
01:08:17,193 --> 01:08:19,901
I'm taking something precious from you.

1027
01:08:41,985 --> 01:08:44,397
It's a bad day to be bad people.

1028
01:08:54,731 --> 01:08:56,677
Paul, <i>mi amor!</i>

1029
01:09:12,415 --> 01:09:13,758
No!

1030
01:09:32,101 --> 01:09:34,206
<i>- Van Gogh is traveling.</i>
- Excellent.

1031
01:09:34,303 --> 01:09:36,840
I want the truck waiting
in Juérez in one hour.

1032
01:09:56,559 --> 01:09:57,629
Yeah!

1033
01:10:04,734 --> 01:10:06,304
Enjoy the ride.

1034
01:10:36,999 --> 01:10:38,205
See you.

1035
01:10:44,173 --> 01:10:45,709
Where's that phone?

1036
01:10:45,775 --> 01:10:46,947
Come on.

1037
01:10:59,622 --> 01:11:02,228
- Please tell me Blart is dead.
<i>- Yeah, if by dead, you mean</i>

1038
01:11:02,291 --> 01:11:03,929
taking out your crew one by one,

1039
01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:06,870
and being in possession
of one of your prize paintings.

1040
01:11:07,296 --> 01:11:09,606
- Which one?
<i>- I'm gonna say...</i>

1041
01:11:09,699 --> 01:11:12,805
- I don't know, sunflowers?
<i>- That's a van Gogh, you idiot.</i>

1042
01:11:12,902 --> 01:11:16,907
Yeah, you know what? Well, it's van gone
if you don't ramp down the hurtful words.

1043
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:19,609
- What do you want?
<i>- I want to make a deal.</i>

1044
01:11:19,709 --> 01:11:21,655
A swap. A trade.

1045
01:11:25,281 --> 01:11:27,227
Suggesting we make an exchange.

1046
01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:29,460
<i>- You see, I have the painting...</i>
- I got it.

1047
01:11:29,552 --> 01:11:31,793
<i>Meet me at the Grand Hall, alone.</i>

1048
01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:35,098
Time to even the playing field.

1049
01:11:38,594 --> 01:11:40,130
Come on, man.

1050
01:11:40,830 --> 01:11:42,241
I'm sorry.

1051
01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:50,477
You know what?

1052
01:11:50,573 --> 01:11:52,109
I made my decision.

1053
01:11:52,175 --> 01:11:55,156
If we live, I'm not going to UCLA.

1054
01:11:57,079 --> 01:11:58,922
- Are you sure?
- Yes!

1055
01:11:58,981 --> 01:12:00,289
I can't abandon him.

1056
01:12:00,750 --> 01:12:02,661
He's never been alone.

1057
01:12:02,752 --> 01:12:05,289
We've always lived with my grandma.

1058
01:12:05,354 --> 01:12:07,265
Until a milk truck took
her to a better place.

1059
01:12:08,524 --> 01:12:10,595
And then there was
those six days of marriage.

1060
01:12:11,093 --> 01:12:12,813
I mean, he still sleeps with a night light.

1061
01:12:12,829 --> 01:12:13,864
Really?

1062
01:12:14,197 --> 01:12:15,767
- Is that bad?
- No.

1063
01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:17,675
No, a lot of people are like that.

1064
01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:19,508
Yeah, a lot of six-year-olds.

1065
01:12:19,602 --> 01:12:20,808
You, come with me.

1066
01:12:20,870 --> 01:12:22,213
Have Robinson take him to the helipad.

1067
01:12:22,305 --> 01:12:23,443
- Let's go.
Maya.

1068
01:12:23,506 --> 01:12:24,610
Let's go!

1069
01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:31,689
- That's far enough.
- Maya, you okay?

1070
01:12:33,182 --> 01:12:34,217
I'm okay.

1071
01:12:34,317 --> 01:12:35,455
Well done, Blart.

1072
01:12:35,518 --> 01:12:37,498
You thinned my manpower significantly.

1073
01:12:37,954 --> 01:12:38,955
Must be getting pretty...

1074
01:12:39,288 --> 01:12:41,199
Lonely out there.

1075
01:12:41,490 --> 01:12:42,491
You scared?

1076
01:12:43,226 --> 01:12:44,296
Not following you.

1077
01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:46,533
Your fear of being alone.

1078
01:12:48,231 --> 01:12:51,303
- First your wife dumps you at the altar.
- Wrong.

1079
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,142
- She was with me six days.
- Great.

1080
01:12:53,236 --> 01:12:54,977
So she got to sample the merchandise

1081
01:12:55,037 --> 01:12:56,539
and was glad she kept her receipt.

1082
01:12:56,906 --> 01:13:00,313
And then your mom
kisses a bus.

1083
01:13:00,509 --> 01:13:02,546
It was a milk truck,
but I'll give you that one.

1084
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:05,826
And now your daughter can't wait
to get away from you.

1085
01:13:05,882 --> 01:13:07,054
That's not true, Dad.

1086
01:13:07,683 --> 01:13:11,426
Well, she's following her destiny,
and I support it fully.

1087
01:13:12,088 --> 01:13:13,499
Flag on the play, sloppy.

1088
01:13:13,990 --> 01:13:16,095
She says you can't be alone

1089
01:13:16,659 --> 01:13:18,819
and that you're doing everything
in your pathetic power

1090
01:13:18,828 --> 01:13:20,239
to keep her under your thumb.

1091
01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:24,276
- I didn't say that exactly, Dad.
- It's okay, sweetheart.

1092
01:13:24,700 --> 01:13:27,374
See, Vincent, I'm fiercely independent,

1093
01:13:27,436 --> 01:13:29,677
yet I'm not a big fan of being alone.

1094
01:13:30,206 --> 01:13:31,514
I'm a contradiction.

1095
01:13:33,676 --> 01:13:35,053
I told you I was crazy.

1096
01:13:37,446 --> 01:13:40,791
And I told you that I'm crazy.

1097
01:13:42,285 --> 01:13:43,787
You can't out-crazy me.

1098
01:13:43,886 --> 01:13:46,389
My crazy will take your crazy,
shove it in a metal tube,

1099
01:13:46,455 --> 01:13:48,435
fill it with rats, then blowtorch it

1100
01:13:48,524 --> 01:13:51,698
until the rats have no way to escape
except eating their way through your crazy.

1101
01:13:52,862 --> 01:13:55,274
Wow. You are oblivious
to the avalanche of insanity

1102
01:13:55,364 --> 01:13:56,468
I am about to unload.

1103
01:13:56,565 --> 01:13:57,942
You don't know what I will do to you!

1104
01:13:58,034 --> 01:13:59,536
You don't know what I'll do to you!

1105
01:13:59,602 --> 01:14:02,947
I will spin around until I throw up on you
and your friends.

1106
01:14:03,039 --> 01:14:04,450
I simply don't care!

1107
01:14:04,540 --> 01:14:07,578
I'll stick your face in maple syrup
and make you sing gospel!

1108
01:14:07,643 --> 01:14:09,122
How does that blow your hair back, Blart?

1109
01:14:09,211 --> 01:14:12,249
I will crawl inside you
and lay eggs like a baby spider!

1110
01:14:12,315 --> 01:14:13,385
I welcome it!

1111
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:15,087
I've got two different colored eyes!

1112
01:14:15,151 --> 01:14:16,425
Shows you how I live my fife!

1113
01:14:16,485 --> 01:14:18,931
I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight,

1114
01:14:18,988 --> 01:14:21,229
because that's the way I was brought up!

1115
01:14:22,925 --> 01:14:24,461
Okay, you lost me on that last one.

1116
01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:26,665
Because that's how crazy I am!

1117
01:14:26,762 --> 01:14:28,002
Now, give me back my daughter!

1118
01:14:28,097 --> 01:14:29,508
Give me my painting!

1119
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:39,920
Pick it up. Pick it up before he ruins it.

1120
01:14:41,510 --> 01:14:42,750
Get back!

1121
01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:51,491
Did you honestly think
that I was gonna be thwarted

1122
01:14:51,587 --> 01:14:55,763
by some sweaty,
sluggish non-entity like yourself?

1123
01:14:56,158 --> 01:14:57,694
"Non-entity."

1124
01:14:57,927 --> 01:15:01,874
See, I knew you couldn't be trusted,
so I took out an insurance policy.

1125
01:15:02,665 --> 01:15:06,374
Allow me to introduce you
to a few of my associates.

1126
01:15:06,702 --> 01:15:08,113
Gino Chizetti,

1127
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:10,844
Staten Island Industrial Complex.

1128
01:15:11,173 --> 01:15:13,016
Saul Gundermutt,

1129
01:15:13,109 --> 01:15:15,680
Philadelphia Farmers' Market.

1130
01:15:15,978 --> 01:15:17,616
Khan Mubi,

1131
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,523
King's Landing Walmart.

1132
01:15:20,149 --> 01:15:22,026
And last but not least,

1133
01:15:22,118 --> 01:15:25,725
Donna Ericone, Mall of freaking America.

1134
01:15:33,496 --> 01:15:35,134
You got to... You got to fan out, guys.

1135
01:15:35,564 --> 01:15:36,668
He can't see you.

1136
01:15:36,732 --> 01:15:38,370
Fan it out, fan it out.

1137
01:15:39,735 --> 01:15:41,510
You have your own superhero.

1138
01:15:41,570 --> 01:15:42,674
What's with the cape?

1139
01:15:44,740 --> 01:15:46,060
Why are you wearing a cape, Khan?

1140
01:15:46,142 --> 01:15:47,746
I came straight from a haircut.

1141
01:15:51,514 --> 01:15:53,187
Vincent, you just don't get it, do you?

1142
01:15:54,150 --> 01:15:56,562
Fool me once, shame on you.

1143
01:15:56,652 --> 01:15:59,064
Fool me twice, shame on me.

1144
01:15:59,155 --> 01:16:00,395
Are you sure about that?

1145
01:16:00,489 --> 01:16:03,163
You see, I have a little
insurance policy of my own.

1146
01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,045
See, I thought I took all of you out, what...

1147
01:16:16,605 --> 01:16:19,176
Non-lethal. I get it now.

1148
01:16:21,277 --> 01:16:22,585
Shame on you.

1149
01:16:38,894 --> 01:16:42,432
We are trained to detect, deter,
observe, and report.

1150
01:16:42,531 --> 01:16:46,775
But one day, six years ago,
a man did more than that.

1151
01:16:46,869 --> 01:16:49,975
And I am that man!

1152
01:16:50,873 --> 01:16:53,717
We are that man!

1153
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:55,812
And so I say to you, sir...

1154
01:16:57,046 --> 01:16:58,491
Foot Locker!

1155
01:17:02,485 --> 01:17:04,226
Give me the gun. Finish them. Go!

1156
01:17:04,553 --> 01:17:05,713
There's a lip on that carpet.

1157
01:17:05,721 --> 01:17:08,668
Someone's gonna have to call that in,
get that changed, okay?

1158
01:17:09,091 --> 01:17:11,071
Foot Locker!

1159
01:17:48,264 --> 01:17:49,436
Dad!

1160
01:17:57,339 --> 01:17:58,943
I'm going to the helipad!

1161
01:18:36,579 --> 01:18:38,923
Saul! Help me! Help me!

1162
01:18:42,184 --> 01:18:43,322
Get back here.

1163
01:19:36,905 --> 01:19:38,543
What? What?

1164
01:19:54,890 --> 01:19:57,393
- Oh, no - You couldn't stay
out of the way, could you?

1165
01:19:57,459 --> 01:19:59,564
Eduardo. I knew you were part of this.

1166
01:19:59,828 --> 01:20:02,069
How is it a man like you
could win the heart

1167
01:20:02,431 --> 01:20:03,808
of a woman like Divina?

1168
01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:06,271
What are you taking about?
My daughter's been kidnapped!

1169
01:20:06,335 --> 01:20:07,405
- Come on, man!
- Look!

1170
01:20:12,808 --> 01:20:14,088
We'll never get to them on time.

1171
01:20:15,477 --> 01:20:18,253
Hey, Blart.
I heard you need a little backup.

1172
01:20:18,414 --> 01:20:21,759
Fun fact for you,
there's no helipad up here.

1173
01:20:21,917 --> 01:20:23,692
But there is over there.

1174
01:20:34,096 --> 01:20:35,200
Got it.

1175
01:20:36,765 --> 01:20:38,108
We don't have much time.

1176
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,602
- Thanks, Nick.
- No hard feelings.

1177
01:20:52,348 --> 01:20:54,294
Hold on, Paul!

1178
01:20:54,350 --> 01:20:56,193
Oh, boy.

1179
01:21:02,124 --> 01:21:04,126
Do not look down!

1180
01:21:05,627 --> 01:21:07,004
Don't look up, either!

1181
01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:11,644
Knot jump!

1182
01:21:13,902 --> 01:21:15,176
Coming in hot!

1183
01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:25,491
Dad. Come on.

1184
01:21:28,183 --> 01:21:29,184
Hey!

1185
01:21:32,821 --> 01:21:35,563
You finish loading. I'll finish this.

1186
01:22:09,892 --> 01:22:11,200
Up you go, missy.

1187
01:22:13,862 --> 01:22:16,206
All right, guys. Who took my show hair?

1188
01:22:16,899 --> 01:22:18,708
I think Maya's just seen her future.

1189
01:22:21,303 --> 01:22:22,782
Nice punch.

1190
01:22:23,272 --> 01:22:24,580
Now, don't move.

1191
01:22:27,876 --> 01:22:29,446
You don't move.

1192
01:22:34,917 --> 01:22:37,761
Looks like we got ourselves
a sticky situation.

1193
01:22:43,826 --> 01:22:46,238
That doesn't sound like something
that can be fixed here.

1194
01:22:46,295 --> 01:22:47,831
- You done?
- I am.

1195
01:22:48,096 --> 01:22:49,097
Great. So am I.

1196
01:23:07,082 --> 01:23:08,823
Oatmeal!

1197
01:23:20,429 --> 01:23:22,773
Always bet on Blart.

1198
01:23:25,467 --> 01:23:26,707
Dad!

1199
01:23:29,605 --> 01:23:32,950
<i>So Paul Blart hadn't
officially peaked after all.</i>

1200
01:23:33,976 --> 01:23:36,479
<i>Eduardo and I got past our differences.</i>

1201
01:23:36,545 --> 01:23:39,526
<i>I told him that if he ever wanted to go
where the real action was,</i>

1202
01:23:39,615 --> 01:23:42,687
<i>there would always be a job for him
at the West Orange Pavilion Mall.</i>

1203
01:23:42,985 --> 01:23:44,123
Officer Blart.

1204
01:23:45,721 --> 01:23:47,632
<i>He turned me down immediately.</i>

1205
01:23:48,323 --> 01:23:50,166
<i>But I did get to meet the man himself...</i>

1206
01:23:50,225 --> 01:23:51,225
Mr Wynn.

1207
01:23:51,293 --> 01:23:54,331
<i>...who was appreciative
that I saved his art collection.</i>

1208
01:23:55,130 --> 01:23:56,541
<i>Very appreciative.</i>

1209
01:23:57,199 --> 01:23:58,644
Holy crawfish!

1210
01:23:59,835 --> 01:24:03,373
<i>With all things going my way,
I figured it was time to make a decision</i>

1211
01:24:03,472 --> 01:24:05,713
<i>that would change my life forever.</i>

1212
01:24:05,807 --> 01:24:06,877
Paul?

1213
01:24:07,543 --> 01:24:08,715
You...

1214
01:24:09,077 --> 01:24:10,556
- Look at me now.
- Yeah, okay.

1215
01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:12,717
You are a fearless man,

1216
01:24:13,482 --> 01:24:15,826
a loving father, a strange,

1217
01:24:16,218 --> 01:24:17,720
misshapen superhero.

1218
01:24:17,819 --> 01:24:20,197
- Thank you.
- And my heart is yours.

1219
01:24:20,255 --> 01:24:21,700
Okay, Divina, listen very intently.

1220
01:24:22,691 --> 01:24:25,433
Some people think that holding on
is what makes one strong.

1221
01:24:25,994 --> 01:24:27,564
But in reality,

1222
01:24:28,430 --> 01:24:31,001
our only power is in letting go.

1223
01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:33,045
But I love...

1224
01:24:33,669 --> 01:24:35,205
That's just it.

1225
01:24:35,671 --> 01:24:39,209
See, it's easy to fall in love,
but hard to find someone to catch you.

1226
01:24:39,274 --> 01:24:40,514
Besides,

1227
01:24:41,043 --> 01:24:42,113
you don't love me.

1228
01:24:42,844 --> 01:24:45,188
- But I...
- What you love is the mystery.

1229
01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:46,749
That's all I am to you.

1230
01:24:46,848 --> 01:24:48,691
You know, I'm a lone cowboy.

1231
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:50,229
A renegade.

1232
01:24:50,285 --> 01:24:51,855
A Rocky Mountain steed.

1233
01:24:53,422 --> 01:24:56,631
But truth be told, Divina,
I'm none of those things.

1234
01:24:57,759 --> 01:24:59,397
I'm a simple man.

1235
01:25:00,028 --> 01:25:02,770
Now, the qualities you seek, they're in him.

1236
01:25:03,799 --> 01:25:06,609
That man, sitting right over there. That man,

1237
01:25:07,135 --> 01:25:09,581
just longing to catch...
He's crying right now, isn't he?

1238
01:25:09,871 --> 01:25:11,248
Yep, he's crying.

1239
01:25:11,540 --> 01:25:13,042
That's a full-on cry.

1240
01:25:14,543 --> 01:25:16,614
But he's the real deal, Divina.

1241
01:25:16,712 --> 01:25:19,283
He swung in on a rope
like a knight in shining armor,

1242
01:25:19,381 --> 01:25:22,055
and he rescued my daughter and me,
and he loves you.

1243
01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:24,120
Now, go to him.

1244
01:25:24,953 --> 01:25:26,057
Go.

1245
01:25:28,890 --> 01:25:30,392
You're right.

1246
01:25:30,792 --> 01:25:32,897
But don't kid yourself, Paw Blart.

1247
01:25:33,261 --> 01:25:35,571
You are a Rocky Mountain steed.

1248
01:25:45,841 --> 01:25:47,252
That actually felt really good.

1249
01:25:49,411 --> 01:25:51,413
I might have made a colossal mistake.

1250
01:25:51,847 --> 01:25:52,917
Colossal.

1251
01:25:52,981 --> 01:25:54,585
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1252
01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:58,928
<i>to commemorate his long career
of undying loyalty,</i>

1253
01:25:59,254 --> 01:26:01,700
<i>honor, and acts of heroism,</i>

1254
01:26:02,257 --> 01:26:04,760
<i>above and beyond the call of duty,</i>

1255
01:26:05,027 --> 01:26:06,028
<i>twice,</i>

1256
01:26:06,128 --> 01:26:11,544
<i>the Security Officers Trade Association
is proud to bestow on Officer Paul Blart</i>

1257
01:26:11,633 --> 01:26:12,976
<i>its highest</i>

1258
01:26:13,035 --> 01:26:15,276
<i>and, really, only award,</i>

1259
01:26:15,337 --> 01:26:17,374
<i>the Safety Medal of Honor.</i>

1260
01:26:19,274 --> 01:26:20,878
<i>The road of life is hard.</i>

1261
01:26:21,376 --> 01:26:25,153
<i>But once you reach [he top,
the view is amazing.</i>

1262
01:26:42,964 --> 01:26:45,706
Look, I've given it a lot of thought.

1263
01:26:46,735 --> 01:26:47,895
And I'm gonna be really happy

1264
01:26:47,969 --> 01:26:50,313
at Central Jersey Applied
Technical Junior College.

1265
01:26:50,739 --> 01:26:52,047
- Really?
- Yeah.

1266
01:26:52,140 --> 01:26:54,051
So they don't have a football team

1267
01:26:54,142 --> 01:26:55,485
or a campus.

1268
01:26:55,544 --> 01:26:56,750
I mean, who cares?

1269
01:26:56,845 --> 01:26:59,655
The last couple of days
really reracked my priorities.

1270
01:26:59,815 --> 01:27:02,318
Well, if you want to stay home
with me and keep me company,

1271
01:27:02,384 --> 01:27:05,854
maybe for a year or two until I get settled,
then I have to say,

1272
01:27:06,321 --> 01:27:07,561
I think you're crazy.

1273
01:27:08,924 --> 01:27:10,699
You're going to UCLA.

1274
01:27:12,494 --> 01:27:14,098
And, besides...

1275
01:27:17,666 --> 01:27:18,906
Holy crawfish!

1276
01:27:19,234 --> 01:27:21,214
That's exactly what I said. I said that.

1277
01:27:27,008 --> 01:27:29,181
Now, go. Have fun.

1278
01:27:31,880 --> 01:27:33,188
Not too much fun.

1279
01:27:38,787 --> 01:27:40,130
All right.

1280
01:27:40,455 --> 01:27:44,562
<i>But as for this renegade,
some of us are meant to ride alone.</i>

1281
01:27:47,629 --> 01:27:49,074
<i>All by my...</i>

1282
01:27:51,099 --> 01:27:53,545
<i>What do we have here?</i>

1283
01:28:15,824 --> 01:28:17,235
- Hey!
- Sorry.

1284
01:28:31,807 --> 01:28:33,150
You know what you just did?

1285
01:28:33,241 --> 01:28:34,811
You jaywalked in a business district, sir.

1286
01:28:34,910 --> 01:28:36,947
Actually, it's "officer."

1287
01:28:39,581 --> 01:28:40,958
I apologize.

1288
01:28:41,016 --> 01:28:44,361
I should've recognized the steely-eyed gaze
of a fellow brother-in-arms.

1289
01:28:48,356 --> 01:28:50,131
You're still giving me a ticket?

1290
01:28:50,192 --> 01:28:51,296
Nope.

1291
01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:53,662
I'm gonna give you my phone number.

1292
01:28:54,863 --> 01:28:57,036
In case you want to grab a drink sometime.

1293
01:28:58,500 --> 01:28:59,535
I don't drink.

1294
01:28:59,968 --> 01:29:01,470
But I do ride!

1295
01:29:09,711 --> 01:29:11,987
- Are you okay?
- Nope.

1296
01:29:13,315 --> 01:29:15,352
But I've never been better.

1297
01:29:17,976 --> 01:29:21,976
<i>~ Synced & COrrected by Dragonborn ~</i>