WEBVTT FILE

1
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<i>The road of life is always
under construction.</i>

2
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<i>The journey is hard,</i>

3
00:01:22.749 --> 00:01:26.060
<i>but once you reach the top,
the view is amazing.</i>

4
00:01:27.454 --> 00:01:31.596
<i>And that view is even more beautiful
when you have someone to share it with.</i>

5
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Mr. Blart.

6
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<i>For six days.</i>

7
00:01:39.566 --> 00:01:41.637
<i>My beautiful wife of almost a week
let me know by letter</i>

8
00:01:41.735 --> 00:01:44.875
<i>that she had what I like to call
"some regrets."</i>

9
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<i>Her doctor called it
"uncontrollable vomiting."</i>

10
00:01:47.374 --> 00:01:48.409
Honey.

11
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<i>Her lawyer, "Dissolution of marriage. "</i>

12
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<i>That's okay.
I needed a little time to myself.</i>

13
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<i>Like the song says,</i>

14
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<i>"I've been to paradise,
but I've never been to me."</i>

15
00:02:00.320 --> 00:02:02.391
<i>I spent the next two years losing myself</i>

16
00:02:02.456 --> 00:02:06.063
<i>in the sweet escape of keeping
the West Orange Pavilion Mail safe.</i>

17
00:02:06.593 --> 00:02:10.973
<i>At least I still had the one thing
that never seemed to let me down.</i>

18
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<i>Security.</i>

19
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Are you lost son?

20
00:02:15.235 --> 00:02:17.237
Anyway, come with me.

21
00:02:23.243 --> 00:02:25.314
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

22
00:02:26.313 --> 00:02:28.520
Andy, now give the fake cop a hug.

23
00:02:28.615 --> 00:02:30.595
We're actually... We're certified, ma'am.

24
00:02:30.651 --> 00:02:33.325
We take a test and everything.
It's pretty vigorous.

25
00:02:33.420 --> 00:02:34.865
All right, hug him, Andy.

26
00:02:34.955 --> 00:02:37.162
Well, it was nice to see you, little man.

27
00:02:37.257 --> 00:02:38.998
You know what, ma'am,
he doesn't want to give me a hug.

28
00:02:39.092 --> 00:02:40.662
- And it's okay.
- No, he wants a hug.

29
00:02:40.761 --> 00:02:43.037
- I don't think he does. Hey.
- Okay, Andy, hug him.

30
00:02:43.597 --> 00:02:45.008
- Honey.
- Want to come in?

31
00:02:45.098 --> 00:02:47.009
- Sweetie. You're embarrassing Mommy.
- He doesn't want...

32
00:02:47.100 --> 00:02:48.670
- No, he's not embarrassing me. He's fine.
- Hug him.

33
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He doesn't have to hug me.

34
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I saw white. I saw white.

35
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I'll get him again, ma'am. I'll find him.

36
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<i>And on the home front, I always had Mom.</i>

37
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There's my paper.

38
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<i>That is, until she got drilled
by a milk truck.</i>

39
00:03:09.723 --> 00:03:11.794
<i>Didn't know they even had those anymore.</i>

40
00:03:13.694 --> 00:03:16.732
<i>I guess I was the last one to get the memo.</i>

41
00:03:16.830 --> 00:03:19.538
<i>Paul Blart had officially peaked.</i>

42
00:03:23.737 --> 00:03:25.375
<i>Or had I?</i>

43
00:03:25.972 --> 00:03:28.316
"Congratulations, Officer Blart.
You have been selected to join..."

44
00:03:28.375 --> 00:03:31.015
"Congratulations.
You have been accepted to UCLA."

45
00:03:31.511 --> 00:03:34.981
Maya! Come down here!
I got some great news!

46
00:03:35.515 --> 00:03:36.994
Me, too!

47
00:03:38.552 --> 00:03:42.523
Honey, we've been invited to
the Security Officers Trade Association Expo

48
00:03:42.589 --> 00:03:46.537
and award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada!

49
00:03:46.660 --> 00:03:48.071
Vegas? Wow.

50
00:03:48.161 --> 00:03:51.939
Yeah, I think I'm finally being recognized for,
you know, getting the mall out of that jam.

51
00:03:52.032 --> 00:03:54.911
Dad, you saved the mall.
They should honor you.

52
00:03:55.736 --> 00:03:58.182
- I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

53
00:03:58.238 --> 00:04:00.775
You know times have been tough,

54
00:04:00.874 --> 00:04:02.285
but no matter what happens,

55
00:04:02.375 --> 00:04:06.619
as long as I have you by my side,
I'm gonna be okay.

56
00:04:07.714 --> 00:04:09.591
But enough about me.
What's your great news?

57
00:04:09.683 --> 00:04:13.130
Yeah, I just remembered that

58
00:04:14.621 --> 00:04:16.430
we have leftover baked ziti.

59
00:04:19.860 --> 00:04:21.703
What a day!

60
00:04:54.394 --> 00:04:55.634
Yeah.

61
00:04:56.663 --> 00:04:57.733
All right.

62
00:05:01.268 --> 00:05:05.444
- Can I help you with your bags, sir?
- No. That's how they get you.

63
00:05:05.505 --> 00:05:08.349
- I'll be fine on my own, thank you.
- No problem, sir.

64
00:05:09.242 --> 00:05:12.086
Lift with the legs. With the legs.

65
00:05:20.020 --> 00:05:21.260
We're moving. Here we go.

66
00:05:24.591 --> 00:05:26.161
Nice little break in the day.

67
00:05:26.259 --> 00:05:28.671
We're going again. We're going again.

68
00:05:30.797 --> 00:05:32.003
Legs.

69
00:05:32.098 --> 00:05:34.009
- Paul Blart?
- Yes, sir.

70
00:05:34.100 --> 00:05:37.343
I thought that was you.
Donna Ericone, Mall of America.

71
00:05:37.437 --> 00:05:39.940
Man, we still talk about
your Black Friday save.

72
00:05:40.440 --> 00:05:41.441
Thank you.

73
00:05:41.508 --> 00:05:42.987
I don't know if you heard.

74
00:05:43.043 --> 00:05:45.523
There's gonna be
a surprise keynote speaker tonight.

75
00:05:45.612 --> 00:05:47.853
Word on the street,
it's gonna be the officer

76
00:05:47.948 --> 00:05:50.292
who's gone above and beyond
the call of duty.

77
00:05:51.284 --> 00:05:52.285
What?

78
00:05:52.552 --> 00:05:55.863
I got to be honest, I had a feeling,
but do you really think that, I mean...

79
00:05:55.956 --> 00:05:56.956
- Who else?
- Yeah.

80
00:05:56.990 --> 00:05:58.628
Unless RoboCop walks into the room.

81
00:05:58.692 --> 00:06:00.638
Yeah, I would definitely
stand down for RoboCop.

82
00:06:00.694 --> 00:06:02.173
- He's not real.
- No, I know he's not real,

83
00:06:02.229 --> 00:06:03.833
but I would stand down for him.

84
00:06:03.897 --> 00:06:04.967
He ain't real.

85
00:06:05.966 --> 00:06:07.707
Just don't tell anybody I told you.

86
00:06:07.801 --> 00:06:10.077
- Told me what?
- About the key...

87
00:06:10.170 --> 00:06:12.548
You got me. You done gone and got me.

88
00:06:13.707 --> 00:06:15.050
That was in the throat.

89
00:06:16.476 --> 00:06:17.546
That was in the throat.

90
00:06:17.644 --> 00:06:19.385
- See you tonight.
- Yeah, okay.

91
00:06:19.479 --> 00:06:21.755
Roger that, Officer Ericone.
That was straight to the throat.

92
00:06:21.848 --> 00:06:24.556
That didn't even glance off the chest.
It went right up.

93
00:06:24.651 --> 00:06:27.860
- May I help the next guest?
- We're next. Here we go. Yes.

94
00:06:28.989 --> 00:06:31.196
- Yello-ha!
- Good afternoon.

95
00:06:31.258 --> 00:06:34.068
- Welcome to the Wynn Resort.
- Checking in.

96
00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:37.539
Absolutely, Mr. Blart.

97
00:06:38.064 --> 00:06:39.907
Mr. Blart.

98
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:41.707
You're probably thrown by the travel wear.

99
00:06:41.768 --> 00:06:44.908
- Actually, it's "officer"
- Okay, sorry about that.

100
00:06:45.005 --> 00:06:47.007
Yes, Officer Blart.

101
00:06:47.073 --> 00:06:49.747
I see we have you in a
partial mountain view,

102
00:06:49.843 --> 00:06:53.882
and you requested
a bottomless bowl of Peanut M&M's.

103
00:06:54.414 --> 00:06:56.291
Yeah, it's strictly medicinal.

104
00:06:56.883 --> 00:07:00.922
Unfortunately,
I am cursed with hypoglycemia.

105
00:07:01.288 --> 00:07:03.894
Sugar level drops, so do I.

106
00:07:09.362 --> 00:07:11.968
I'm sorry. Your room isn't ready yet.

107
00:07:12.065 --> 00:07:15.979
But you can leave your luggage here,
and I will have it delivered to your room.

108
00:07:16.069 --> 00:07:17.070
Dad, I'm starving.

109
00:07:17.137 --> 00:07:20.277
- Can we just go get some lunch?
- Hold the mayo.

110
00:07:20.373 --> 00:07:21.716
Hold on a second here.

111
00:07:21.775 --> 00:07:24.085
You probably didn't know this, Heath,

112
00:07:24.144 --> 00:07:25.953
but if you check the Grand Ballroom

113
00:07:26.046 --> 00:07:28.583
and see which group
is booked there this evening,

114
00:07:28.648 --> 00:07:30.889
I think your tune may change a wee bit.

115
00:07:33.954 --> 00:07:36.901
- Mini Kiss. The cover band.
- Yeah, I'm not with them.

116
00:07:36.957 --> 00:07:39.335
Is there a manager I could speak with?

117
00:07:40.226 --> 00:07:43.139
You know, she's not available
right now, so...

118
00:07:43.730 --> 00:07:45.676
You're taking my legs out
from under me here.

119
00:07:45.765 --> 00:07:48.439
- Is the Terrace Cafe open for lunch?
- Yes, it is.

120
00:07:48.768 --> 00:07:50.008
I'm out.

121
00:07:50.470 --> 00:07:51.915
Bring it in, Heath.

122
00:07:51.972 --> 00:07:54.077
Little tighter, bring it in. Yes.

123
00:07:54.140 --> 00:07:57.019
Just a little bit closer range.
I can't let this out.

124
00:07:57.110 --> 00:08:02.184
But it seems to be that I'm going to be
delivering the keynote speech tonight

125
00:08:02.282 --> 00:08:04.922
at the security officers' convention.

126
00:08:04.985 --> 00:08:07.522
You know, I think they canceled that.

127
00:08:09.022 --> 00:08:10.194
They didn't.

128
00:08:10.290 --> 00:08:13.464
But it was downsized to Conference Room C.

129
00:08:14.094 --> 00:08:15.129
Nope, F.

130
00:08:15.762 --> 00:08:19.209
- Okay, here's a map of the property.
- Okay.

131
00:08:19.299 --> 00:08:20.778
There you are.

132
00:08:22.535 --> 00:08:24.446
- Thank you.
- No, that's yours to keep.

133
00:08:24.504 --> 00:08:28.179
Don't need it. It's already been scanned.
Locked and loaded.

134
00:08:28.274 --> 00:08:29.514
Thank you. Time for some lunch.

135
00:08:29.609 --> 00:08:30.610
- Sir?
- Yeah?

136
00:08:30.844 --> 00:08:33.290
Your daughter and the restaurant
are that way,

137
00:08:34.881 --> 00:08:38.351
Yeah, you had that upside down
when I scanned it. That's why... It's on you.

138
00:08:38.451 --> 00:08:40.611
- Was I lying about the conch fritters?
- You were not.

139
00:08:40.620 --> 00:08:42.691
They're amazing,
with just the right amount of zip.

140
00:08:42.789 --> 00:08:45.895
- Yeah, you got to love the zip.
- I do. I mean, I was born to zip.

141
00:08:45.992 --> 00:08:48.233
<i>I put my hand upon my hip
When I zip</i>

142
00:08:48.328 --> 00:08:49.739
<i>- You zip
- We zip</i>

143
00:08:50.964 --> 00:08:52.875
I can't believe you know that song.

144
00:08:53.533 --> 00:08:56.309
Hey, sir. You actually forgot
your valet ticket.

145
00:08:56.636 --> 00:08:58.309
- Thank you.
- It's free.

146
00:08:59.973 --> 00:09:01.145
Yeah.

147
00:09:01.341 --> 00:09:02.649
I'm gonna go.

148
00:09:04.978 --> 00:09:06.423
You were born to zip?

149
00:09:06.813 --> 00:09:08.486
Since when do you use the word "zip"?

150
00:09:08.581 --> 00:09:10.822
- I always use the word "zip."
- I don't like it.

151
00:09:11.584 --> 00:09:14.326
Hipster talk Everybody's zipping.

152
00:09:14.854 --> 00:09:16.925
You need to slow it down, young lady.

153
00:09:17.023 --> 00:09:20.004
Look, Dad, you're gonna have to
get used to the fact that I'm a big girl now.

154
00:09:20.060 --> 00:09:22.563
Okay, first of all, we're all big.
We're Blarts.

155
00:09:22.662 --> 00:09:24.702
Wide hips, thick ankles
and a low center of gravity.

156
00:09:24.731 --> 00:09:26.438
That's how the good Lord made us.

157
00:09:26.533 --> 00:09:29.173
That's why we're no good at running hurdles,
and we never will be.

158
00:09:30.003 --> 00:09:31.539
What is that?

159
00:09:31.604 --> 00:09:34.346
This? It's my vibrating fork.

160
00:09:34.407 --> 00:09:36.546
It forces me to eat slower.

161
00:09:36.609 --> 00:09:38.111
You think I eat fast at home?

162
00:09:38.211 --> 00:09:41.192
On vacation, I'm like a cheetah
chasing a faster cheetah.

163
00:09:42.682 --> 00:09:45.026
Okay, see? Look at that right there.

164
00:09:47.187 --> 00:09:50.066
It's just fuel. It's just fuel.

165
00:09:50.590 --> 00:09:51.625
Here you go.

166
00:09:51.724 --> 00:09:53.397
- Mr Blart.
Shanghai!

167
00:09:53.460 --> 00:09:55.201
Sorry. Sorry to startle you, sir.

168
00:09:55.261 --> 00:09:58.572
- That's okay. You just hit the trip wire is all.
- Okay.

169
00:09:58.631 --> 00:10:01.202
Well, I'm Divina Martinez,
the hotel's general manager,

170
00:10:01.267 --> 00:10:02.769
and I wanted to apologize

171
00:10:02.869 --> 00:10:05.475
about the confusion
regarding the convention.

172
00:10:05.572 --> 00:10:07.574
And good news, I upgraded your room.

173
00:10:07.907 --> 00:10:09.215
It has a view of the Strip.

174
00:10:09.275 --> 00:10:13.587
It's ready right now,
and I wanted to give you the keys personally.

175
00:10:15.715 --> 00:10:16.785
Sorry about that.

176
00:10:16.883 --> 00:10:18.760
Although, I must say,
you have very soft hands.

177
00:10:20.753 --> 00:10:22.096
Airbag!

178
00:10:22.489 --> 00:10:23.490
Excuse me?

179
00:10:24.224 --> 00:10:26.830
I sense what you're doing, Divina.

180
00:10:27.560 --> 00:10:28.800
What am I doing?

181
00:10:29.596 --> 00:10:31.906
Truthfully, being a bit transparent.

182
00:10:33.800 --> 00:10:35.939
I'm sorry, I don't follow.

183
00:10:36.302 --> 00:10:37.942
Look, I understand it's the 21st century,

184
00:10:37.971 --> 00:10:39.917
and a woman can go after hers
just like a man.

185
00:10:40.273 --> 00:10:43.948
- Dad, I'm pretty sure she wasn't...
- Tadpole, this is grown-up stuff. Okay?

186
00:10:45.111 --> 00:10:46.852
Look, I know it takes two to tango,

187
00:10:46.946 --> 00:10:49.187
but my dancing shoes
are currently out for repair.

188
00:10:50.116 --> 00:10:53.495
- Sir. I'm sorry if I...
- Apology not needed.

189
00:10:53.586 --> 00:10:57.295
Just know I'm working my way
through a maze of personal fire,

190
00:10:57.357 --> 00:11:00.031
and until the flames of chaos subside,

191
00:11:00.126 --> 00:11:02.800
I'm just not ready for public consumption.

192
00:11:03.630 --> 00:11:05.541
I understand, sir.

193
00:11:05.632 --> 00:11:07.168
Have a great stay.

194
00:11:10.003 --> 00:11:12.813
It's not just me, right?
I mean, she was relentless.

195
00:11:14.541 --> 00:11:16.145
Relentless.

196
00:11:20.813 --> 00:11:22.451
What troubles you, my pet?

197
00:11:23.216 --> 00:11:26.288
I just had the strangest exchange
with that guy over there,

198
00:11:29.122 --> 00:11:30.396
Yeah.

199
00:11:30.957 --> 00:11:32.800
He accused me of hitting on him.

200
00:11:34.360 --> 00:11:35.805
Funny.

201
00:11:35.862 --> 00:11:39.139
They say overweight people
use humor to achieve affection.

202
00:11:40.500 --> 00:11:42.810
You know what, that makes sense.

203
00:11:44.637 --> 00:11:46.674
Excuse me, Ms. Martinez?

204
00:11:46.739 --> 00:11:49.379
- Our VIP guest has arrived.
- Thank you.

205
00:11:50.310 --> 00:11:51.380
Okay.

206
00:11:55.081 --> 00:11:57.027
Welcome back to Wynn Las Vegas, Mr. Sofel.

207
00:11:57.483 --> 00:12:00.157
We have the accommodations
you requested all ready for you.

208
00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:03.827
If you need anything at all, please,
don't hesitate to call either myself

209
00:12:03.890 --> 00:12:06.063
or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo.

210
00:12:06.326 --> 00:12:08.431
You guys took me for
a lot of money on my last visit.

211
00:12:08.528 --> 00:12:10.940
Well, I hope you're able to
turn that around this time.

212
00:12:12.732 --> 00:12:14.075
I plan to.

213
00:12:14.500 --> 00:12:17.379
I got to say, I don't know
how this is an upgrade.

214
00:12:17.437 --> 00:12:20.748
I'll tell you what, Maya, you take the bed.
I will take the rollaway.

215
00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:23.753
Dad, this is your convention.
You can't sleep on the rollaway.

216
00:12:23.843 --> 00:12:26.585
I certainly can, okay?
I once fell asleep raking leaves.

217
00:12:26.679 --> 00:12:28.479
We'll figure it out later.
I got to get going.

218
00:12:28.514 --> 00:12:30.926
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay.

219
00:12:31.017 --> 00:12:33.361
Thanks for telling me Victoria's secret.

220
00:12:33.419 --> 00:12:34.762
What do you think you're wearing,
young lady?

221
00:12:34.854 --> 00:12:36.356
A bathing suit?

222
00:12:36.556 --> 00:12:38.092
Maybe for an elf.

223
00:12:38.191 --> 00:12:40.865
Decorum. De-cor-um.

224
00:12:40.927 --> 00:12:44.602
- I was just going to hang out by the pool.
- Yeah, well, not in that, you're not.

225
00:12:44.697 --> 00:12:46.108
Fine.

226
00:12:46.199 --> 00:12:47.701
- Then I'm going exploring.
- Hold up.

227
00:12:47.767 --> 00:12:49.212
- You got your extra phone battery?
- Yes.

228
00:12:49.269 --> 00:12:50.270
- Flashlight?
- Always.

229
00:12:50.370 --> 00:12:51.450
- Hot pepper spray?
- Check.

230
00:12:51.471 --> 00:12:53.075
- Pocketknife keychain window smasher?
-I do.

231
00:12:53.139 --> 00:12:56.120
- Baby road flares?
- Yes' I've got it all!

232
00:12:56.209 --> 00:12:58.951
One more second here, There.

233
00:12:59.045 --> 00:13:01.457
I've set it to monitor,
so I can hear everything that's going on.

234
00:13:01.547 --> 00:13:03.925
No way. I already feel like a SWAT unit.

235
00:13:03.983 --> 00:13:06.725
Maya! Security is a mission.

236
00:13:08.288 --> 00:13:09.562
Not an intermission.

237
00:13:14.294 --> 00:13:16.797
Well, let's see if I bankrolled
the right NSA agent.

238
00:13:30.576 --> 00:13:32.749
- How's that?
- So far, so good.

239
00:13:41.354 --> 00:13:43.425
Excuse me guys,

240
00:13:43.489 --> 00:13:45.089
but we have a complaint about the noise.

241
00:13:49.929 --> 00:13:51.169
That's why we have you.

242
00:13:51.931 --> 00:13:53.535
Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.

243
00:13:54.100 --> 00:13:56.842
Right? Look at that. Smiley.

244
00:13:56.936 --> 00:13:58.938
You don't want to know
what it took to get the real deal.

245
00:13:59.172 --> 00:14:00.378
No, I don't.

246
00:14:01.541 --> 00:14:02.542
Okay.

247
00:14:02.642 --> 00:14:04.485
They've moved several of
the pieces in the last few days.

248
00:14:04.544 --> 00:14:06.717
Here's the new locations of all 13.

249
00:14:08.715 --> 00:14:12.128
Perfect. All right, I want to be in and out
in less than nine hours, people.

250
00:14:12.185 --> 00:14:13.289
Sync up.

251
00:14:14.987 --> 00:14:15.988
Sync.

252
00:14:19.459 --> 00:14:20.460
Let's go!

253
00:14:22.528 --> 00:14:24.804
Yes, shooter, yes! Yeah!

254
00:14:27.333 --> 00:14:29.870
- What's all the hoopla, friend?
- This guy's crushing.

255
00:14:29.969 --> 00:14:31.642
I'm literally running
out of room for my chips.

256
00:14:31.704 --> 00:14:33.706
He's on the greatest run I've ever seen!

257
00:14:33.806 --> 00:14:36.218
Sir, you're gonna have to place a bet
if you want to stand at the table.

258
00:14:36.309 --> 00:14:38.550
I don't know how to play craps,
but I'll tell you what,

259
00:14:38.644 --> 00:14:40.487
Lady Luck's certainly
been in my corner as of late.

260
00:14:40.546 --> 00:14:43.049
So I am in, okay? What do I do?

261
00:14:43.149 --> 00:14:45.993
It's easy. Give me $60.
We'll place the six.

262
00:14:47.153 --> 00:14:48.598
- $60.
- 60 bucks.

263
00:14:48.721 --> 00:14:51.565
Wow, this is exciting.
I got to be honest, very exciting.

264
00:14:52.158 --> 00:14:53.831
Sir, can I get you a drink?

265
00:14:54.660 --> 00:14:55.866
You know what, how much for a root beer?

266
00:14:55.928 --> 00:14:58.909
'Cause I'm currently very invested
in Mr. Wynn's casino.

267
00:14:58.998 --> 00:15:02.502
- Well, actually, it's complimentary.
Complimentary.

268
00:15:02.568 --> 00:15:04.445
I love it! Root beers around the horn!

269
00:15:04.537 --> 00:15:06.710
What do you... Just one is fine. Just one.

270
00:15:06.773 --> 00:15:08.013
Sir, come on. This table's really hot.

271
00:15:08.074 --> 00:15:09.883
- Give me 20 bucks for the hard six.
- Okay. $20.

272
00:15:09.942 --> 00:15:11.182
- Give me $20 for the hard eight.
- $20.

273
00:15:11.244 --> 00:15:12.917
- Give me $25 for the horn high yo.
- $25.

274
00:15:13.012 --> 00:15:14.892
- Give me $20 on the field.
- That's all I have.

275
00:15:14.914 --> 00:15:16.587
- The field is out there.
- No more bets.

276
00:15:16.682 --> 00:15:19.356
All right! I've never felt more alive!

277
00:15:19.419 --> 00:15:21.023
Shooter, come on! Number...

278
00:15:21.087 --> 00:15:22.225
Seven out. Craps.

279
00:15:22.755 --> 00:15:24.359
- Loser!
- Fat guy ruined it.

280
00:15:24.424 --> 00:15:26.267
- You lost everything.
- You suck!

281
00:15:26.359 --> 00:15:29.602
Get your bets down,
C and E's, horn bets, high-lows.

282
00:15:29.695 --> 00:15:32.232
- Get this game going.
- Your root beer, sir.

283
00:15:32.298 --> 00:15:33.470
Thank you.

284
00:15:46.913 --> 00:15:48.051
Yeah, I would love that.

285
00:15:48.448 --> 00:15:50.928
That's a very good choice. Nice. Gold.

286
00:15:53.653 --> 00:15:56.600
Yeah, exactly. It was him. You guys...

287
00:15:56.656 --> 00:15:57.657
Let's go.

288
00:15:59.826 --> 00:16:01.328
How long have you worked here?

289
00:16:01.427 --> 00:16:03.737
Not too long ls that your dad?

290
00:16:08.734 --> 00:16:12.238
I wish I could say no right now.
I'll be right back.

291
00:16:14.941 --> 00:16:16.614
- Dad?
Hey!

292
00:16:16.676 --> 00:16:18.656
See you later, Tom and Rita.
You guys are awesome. Take care.

293
00:16:18.744 --> 00:16:20.314
I'll see you at the reception.
I'm not gonna go.

294
00:16:20.413 --> 00:16:21.813
I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go.

295
00:16:21.814 --> 00:16:24.351
- Dad, are you spying on me?
Spying?

296
00:16:24.450 --> 00:16:28.262
- No. No, no, no. I...
- Dad, you're embarrassing me!

297
00:16:30.323 --> 00:16:32.530
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'll leave you alone.

298
00:16:32.625 --> 00:16:33.763
Please.

299
00:16:37.663 --> 00:16:38.664
Blart!

300
00:16:38.764 --> 00:16:40.368
Saul Gundermutt,

301
00:16:40.466 --> 00:16:43.310
head of the Security Officers
Trade Association.

302
00:16:43.369 --> 00:16:46.714
- I catch you at a bad time?
- No. No, no. It's a pleasure, sir.

303
00:16:46.806 --> 00:16:48.114
Pleasure's mine.

304
00:16:48.307 --> 00:16:52.619
And I just want you to know
that I got you sitting at my table tonight.

305
00:16:53.880 --> 00:16:55.791
I got to say, sir, I am just so excited.

306
00:16:55.848 --> 00:16:57.794
I'm gonna be honest, I did hear rumblings.

307
00:16:58.518 --> 00:17:00.828
Rumblings?
- About the keynote.

308
00:17:00.887 --> 00:17:03.458
Yeah. Well, with good reason.

309
00:17:03.523 --> 00:17:04.729
Nick Panero's giving it.

310
00:17:05.858 --> 00:17:07.030
Great guy, great guy.

311
00:17:07.126 --> 00:17:09.970
Yeah, Nick Panero.
Those were the rumblings.

312
00:17:10.029 --> 00:17:12.009
That is just terrific.

313
00:17:12.064 --> 00:17:14.044
It really is. That's I'm so happy.

314
00:17:14.133 --> 00:17:15.773
You know, maybe I could
meet him sometime.

315
00:17:15.801 --> 00:17:17.906
- Pick his brawn.
- Here's your chance.

316
00:17:18.004 --> 00:17:21.417
Blart, Officer Nick Panero
and Officer Gino Chizetti.

317
00:17:21.507 --> 00:17:24.420
- Hey, Officer Panero.
- Hold the applesauce, hotshot.

318
00:17:24.510 --> 00:17:27.389
I heard of you Rumor has it you thought
you were giving the keynote tonight.

319
00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:29.357
- He thought he was giving it.
- You thought you were giving it?

320
00:17:29.415 --> 00:17:31.088
- No. You know what, I never said...
- Man, you gotta stop

321
00:17:31.183 --> 00:17:32.992
bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart.

322
00:17:33.052 --> 00:17:35.172
- It was, like, six years ago.
- You got to let it go.

323
00:17:35.187 --> 00:17:37.064
I never brought up Black Friday.

324
00:17:44.163 --> 00:17:47.406
I heard you're pretty good
on one of those things.

325
00:17:47.500 --> 00:17:49.241
I've been known to dabble.

326
00:17:51.404 --> 00:17:54.715
I... I really shouldn't.

327
00:17:56.275 --> 00:17:57.447
Actually, sir, you can't.

328
00:17:57.543 --> 00:18:00.183
I'll need a valid driver's license
if you want to take it for a test drive.

329
00:18:00.246 --> 00:18:03.557
Yeah, I'm all-access,
if you'll peep the laminate, okay?

330
00:18:03.616 --> 00:18:06.358
Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode.

331
00:18:10.523 --> 00:18:13.367
Okay, well, I see you know
your way around a p133.

332
00:18:13.426 --> 00:18:16.032
I do, I do, but this gal's a bit tired.

333
00:18:16.762 --> 00:18:19.538
I got a modified i2 Commuter myself.

334
00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:21.101
Still gonna need a valid license, though.

335
00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:22.611
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

336
00:18:23.903 --> 00:18:26.213
How's that? Is that valid enough for you?

337
00:18:34.714 --> 00:18:36.057
That was pretty valid, huh?

338
00:18:36.115 --> 00:18:38.117
- Yeah.
- Please be careful, sir.

339
00:18:38.217 --> 00:18:39.662
It's about weight distribution.

340
00:18:39.752 --> 00:18:42.460
Make sure both your hands
are firmly on the grips.

341
00:18:43.656 --> 00:18:45.761
I guess you wouldn't want me doing this!

342
00:18:49.395 --> 00:18:50.738
- Yeah!
- Please don't.

343
00:18:53.733 --> 00:18:54.768
Missed.

344
00:18:55.434 --> 00:18:56.469
Blart!

345
00:18:56.569 --> 00:18:58.105
- You see that?
- That's not good.

346
00:19:00.773 --> 00:19:02.912
Still got the laminate.

347
00:19:09.782 --> 00:19:13.457
Dad, are you okay?
You should really get checked out.

348
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:15.999
Pumpkin, my body's fine.

349
00:19:16.088 --> 00:19:18.090
It's my ego that took a hit.

350
00:19:18.924 --> 00:19:20.995
It turns out I'm not giving
the keynote tonight.

351
00:19:21.093 --> 00:19:23.437
Well, you know what?

352
00:19:23.496 --> 00:19:26.705
You should call a cop,
because you got robbed.

353
00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:29.336
Well, thanks, kitten.
Technically, I don't need a cop.

354
00:19:29.435 --> 00:19:30.880
- It's a figure of speech, Daddy.
- No, no, I know.

355
00:19:30.970 --> 00:19:33.678
I'm just saying, you know,
just that cops think they're all that,

356
00:19:33.773 --> 00:19:35.650
and I don't like it.

357
00:19:37.043 --> 00:19:39.455
I do not like it.

358
00:19:41.380 --> 00:19:44.122
Boy. We got a meet-and-greet in 15.

359
00:19:44.183 --> 00:19:47.392
I was wrong! The body does hurt.

360
00:19:47.486 --> 00:19:49.796
Lactic acid!

361
00:19:51.123 --> 00:19:53.467
Honey, you're not even dressed. Come on.

362
00:19:53.526 --> 00:19:57.303
As exciting as that sounds,
I think I'm just gonna take a bath and a nap.

363
00:19:57.363 --> 00:19:58.501
I'm kind of tired.

364
00:20:00.366 --> 00:20:03.643
Okay, yeah. I mean, no, you should...

365
00:20:03.703 --> 00:20:05.808
You should get some rest.

366
00:20:05.871 --> 00:20:09.478
Well, I'll come back
and get you for dinner at Bartolotta,

367
00:20:09.542 --> 00:20:11.385
'cause we got reservations at 6:00.

368
00:20:11.477 --> 00:20:14.185
- It's supposed to be the real deal.
- Gotcha.

369
00:20:20.586 --> 00:20:21.758
Hey. Dad?

370
00:20:22.822 --> 00:20:24.768
I'm really sorry about the speech.

371
00:20:25.991 --> 00:20:27.334
I'll see you later.

372
00:20:36.869 --> 00:20:40.078
I got this one guy against the wall.
He's really sweating. He knows it's over.

373
00:20:40.172 --> 00:20:42.118
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see this other guy,

374
00:20:42.208 --> 00:20:45.348
and then I turn to him
and I say, "Hand over the yogurt."

375
00:20:45.411 --> 00:20:46.947
It was over that fast.

376
00:20:47.046 --> 00:20:48.787
- Lights out.
- Lights out.

377
00:20:49.915 --> 00:20:51.355
Hey, how much you pay for that belt?

378
00:20:52.752 --> 00:20:54.754
I don't know. It was a gift
from my daughter.

379
00:20:54.854 --> 00:20:57.767
You got a guy? 'Cause I got a guy.

380
00:20:58.524 --> 00:21:00.561
No, I don't have a belt guy.

381
00:21:00.626 --> 00:21:03.706
- That's crazy. What, you don't got a belt guy?
- No, I don't have a belt guy.

382
00:21:04.063 --> 00:21:05.542
Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

383
00:21:07.066 --> 00:21:08.807
Khan Mubi. Nice to meet.

384
00:21:08.901 --> 00:21:10.744
Nice to meet you.

385
00:21:10.803 --> 00:21:13.443
It's been a heck of a day,
and that embrace certainly helped.

386
00:21:13.539 --> 00:21:16.918
So thank you. First one warmed me up,
this one brought it home.

387
00:21:17.443 --> 00:21:20.219
I think you kissed the shoulder.
All right, thank you.

388
00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:21.553
My pleasure.

389
00:21:23.048 --> 00:21:24.618
- Okay.
- It's time to go.

390
00:21:24.717 --> 00:21:27.095
It is. And I think the
doors are open, so...

391
00:21:35.461 --> 00:21:36.565
Whats the latest, friend?

392
00:21:36.629 --> 00:21:38.074
The Big Sticky Mess.

393
00:21:38.130 --> 00:21:40.303
A grenade launcher that shoots glue foam.

394
00:21:45.304 --> 00:21:48.308
Marbles. You can't run
with these under your feet.

395
00:21:48.407 --> 00:21:49.784
You can't even stand.

396
00:21:52.511 --> 00:21:57.790
The Vitru Sonic Taser renders your assailant
incapacitated for five seconds at a time.

397
00:22:02.621 --> 00:22:05.295
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey, Saul. What you got there?

398
00:22:05.357 --> 00:22:07.598
It's getting revealed
tomorrow at the luncheon.

399
00:22:07.660 --> 00:22:10.106
It's a prototype.
I'm not supposed to show anybody,

400
00:22:10.162 --> 00:22:14.542
but since you're into
gyro-performance vehicles, take a gander.

401
00:22:23.342 --> 00:22:25.788
Things will never be the same.

402
00:22:42.127 --> 00:22:43.367
No!

403
00:22:43.462 --> 00:22:46.068
Are you kidding me? Great.

404
00:22:47.399 --> 00:22:49.640
- Are you okay?
- Thank you so much.

405
00:22:58.477 --> 00:23:00.218
- Okay, here we go.
- Thanks.

406
00:23:00.312 --> 00:23:01.985
- See you.
- Have a good day.

407
00:23:02.982 --> 00:23:05.053
Hey, check it out, guys.

408
00:23:05.150 --> 00:23:07.255
When you want them to pay the price,
you reach for The Finisher.

409
00:23:07.353 --> 00:23:11.165
The most effective non-lethal
beanbag firearm on the market today.

410
00:23:11.390 --> 00:23:13.427
Why don't you give it a spin?

411
00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:15.561
- Me?
- Yeah. It's easy.

412
00:23:16.161 --> 00:23:17.231
Okay.

413
00:23:25.404 --> 00:23:27.042
Laser focus.

414
00:23:28.707 --> 00:23:31.347
Exhale, pull the trigger. Predator.

415
00:23:33.846 --> 00:23:36.726
The adjustments are off on the sight.
I can tell, it's a little off here.

416
00:23:36.782 --> 00:23:38.420
That's the problem.

417
00:23:38.517 --> 00:23:40.724
- Paul Blart, Mall Cop.
- Yes, sir?

418
00:23:40.786 --> 00:23:43.528
Eduardo Furtillo,
head of security of Wynn Las Vegas.

419
00:23:43.589 --> 00:23:45.967
Pleasure to meet a fellow brother-in-arms.

420
00:23:46.058 --> 00:23:48.265
You know, a fun fact for you,
you might not notice,

421
00:23:48.360 --> 00:23:51.864
but Mr. Furtillo here,
being the head of security,

422
00:23:51.931 --> 00:23:53.239
is in a black coat while...

423
00:23:53.299 --> 00:23:55.339
- I'm sorry, son, I didn't get your name.
- Jenkins.

424
00:23:55.367 --> 00:23:57.142
...Jenkins is in a purple coat.

425
00:23:57.236 --> 00:24:01.776
See, there's a hierarchy of coat colors
based on their security responsibilities.

426
00:24:01.874 --> 00:24:05.219
Black, gray, pine, and then, last, purple.

427
00:24:05.277 --> 00:24:06.779
Sorry, no offense.

428
00:24:06.879 --> 00:24:10.224
You're wearing a polyester shirt
with Spanx underneath.

429
00:24:10.916 --> 00:24:12.122
Yes. Good catch.

430
00:24:13.953 --> 00:24:17.264
- I see you admiring the non-lethals.
- Yeah.

431
00:24:17.323 --> 00:24:20.463
I guess they don't trust you
with the real stuff?

432
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:22.561
No, they do, but we choose not to.

433
00:24:22.628 --> 00:24:24.904
I mean, what are you
really guarding anyway?

434
00:24:25.464 --> 00:24:28.104
Cell phone covers and Cinnabon?

435
00:24:28.167 --> 00:24:30.169
There's also three ATMs
and a Dave & Buster's

436
00:24:30.269 --> 00:24:33.250
that just is off the hook after 9:00.
It just gets crazy.

437
00:24:34.573 --> 00:24:36.416
By the way, as a professional courtesy,

438
00:24:36.475 --> 00:24:40.753
I'm happy to keep my eyes peeled
for any irregularities while I'm here, so...

439
00:24:40.813 --> 00:24:42.759
Hey. Closer.

440
00:24:44.016 --> 00:24:45.188
Closer.

441
00:24:48.020 --> 00:24:50.762
Since I was named
head of security five years ago,

442
00:24:50.823 --> 00:24:53.599
we have not had
so much as a towel go missing.

443
00:24:53.659 --> 00:24:56.265
Your mother must be very proud
of your accomplishments.

444
00:25:02.034 --> 00:25:03.377
That got real.

445
00:25:08.040 --> 00:25:10.452
Wow' that was impressive.

446
00:25:10.509 --> 00:25:13.046
Was it me, or did he smell
like tobacco and vanilla?

447
00:25:13.145 --> 00:25:15.182
'Cause I got a...
I don't know if it's cologne...

448
00:25:15.280 --> 00:25:16.452
Let's just get some yogurt.

449
00:25:26.959 --> 00:25:28.370
Maya?

450
00:25:28.460 --> 00:25:30.462
Honey, I've been thinking about the menu,

451
00:25:30.529 --> 00:25:34.136
and I don't care,
I'm going double parm. So...

452
00:25:36.168 --> 00:25:38.045
Sunshine, you still in the tub?

453
00:25:39.171 --> 00:25:40.548
Honey?

454
00:25:49.815 --> 00:25:51.158
Get me security!

455
00:25:51.750 --> 00:25:54.924
That's so cool' you got into UCLA.
You must be stoked!

456
00:25:55.421 --> 00:25:58.425
Not really. I haven't been able
to tell my dad.

457
00:25:58.524 --> 00:26:00.684
Why not? That's huge!
Don't you think he'll be excited?

458
00:26:00.726 --> 00:26:02.228
I don't think he can handle it.

459
00:26:02.327 --> 00:26:04.864
My parents were thrilled when I got my GED.

460
00:26:04.930 --> 00:26:07.570
That is so cool your parents
support you like that.

461
00:26:07.666 --> 00:26:09.543
Yup. Third time was the charm.

462
00:26:11.170 --> 00:26:13.912
I'm not kidding.
Was closer to four, actually.

463
00:26:17.209 --> 00:26:19.883
No. I got to go.
I was supposed to meet my dad for dinner.

464
00:26:19.945 --> 00:26:22.585
- Okay, cool. Maybe I'll see you later.
- Yeah. I hope so.

465
00:26:22.681 --> 00:26:23.682
Yeah, okay.

466
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:30.800
My daughter's missing.
She's not answering her phone.

467
00:26:30.889 --> 00:26:35.634
Mr. Blart, I want you to know
that we will get to the bottom of this,

468
00:26:35.727 --> 00:26:37.206
despite our differences.

469
00:26:39.064 --> 00:26:40.304
Differences?

470
00:26:40.399 --> 00:26:43.243
We need to establish motive.
Do you have a lot of money?

471
00:26:43.302 --> 00:26:44.804
- Define "a lot." I mean, there's...
- Any.

472
00:26:44.903 --> 00:26:47.611
No. Actually, I don't have a lot, no.

473
00:26:48.040 --> 00:26:49.144
All right, are you an important man?

474
00:26:49.241 --> 00:26:50.881
Well, you know, that depends who you ask.

475
00:26:50.909 --> 00:26:52.217
I got to be honest.

476
00:26:53.879 --> 00:26:56.052
Could this be some domestic situation?

477
00:26:56.115 --> 00:26:57.719
- Your wife got angry?
- I'm not married.

478
00:26:57.783 --> 00:27:00.389
- Your girlfriend found out you...
- No girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend.

479
00:27:00.452 --> 00:27:02.172
- Does anybody love you?
- Yes. My daughter,

480
00:27:02.221 --> 00:27:03.325
and she's been kidnapped.

481
00:27:03.422 --> 00:27:04.492
You know, since she's an adult,

482
00:27:04.590 --> 00:27:06.592
normally we're not gonna file
a missing persons report

483
00:27:06.658 --> 00:27:08.178
till she's gone for at least 24 hours.

484
00:27:08.260 --> 00:27:09.540
Well, let me tell you something.

485
00:27:09.561 --> 00:27:12.303
I've been in the security game
for over 16 years,

486
00:27:12.397 --> 00:27:14.900
and I've seen things
that you would not comprehend.

487
00:27:14.967 --> 00:27:18.505
Understand this.
We are pulling the trigger, boys.

488
00:27:18.770 --> 00:27:22.115
Now, I need you to establish a perimeter
and lock down the premises.

489
00:27:23.175 --> 00:27:25.815
- You going to answer that?
- We're losing precious time!

490
00:27:27.179 --> 00:27:29.921
This is Officer Blart.
I need to keep this line...

491
00:27:32.017 --> 00:27:33.621
Yep. No, no. Okay. I see.

492
00:27:35.120 --> 00:27:36.929
Yes. No, no, I can't... I can't...

493
00:27:36.989 --> 00:27:38.866
I can't talk about it right now.

494
00:27:38.957 --> 00:27:40.959
Okay, okay, okay. Now, we're gonna talk...

495
00:27:41.026 --> 00:27:42.664
We're gonna talk about it later.
We're gonna tam about...

496
00:27:42.761 --> 00:27:44.672
I gotta get going. I'm going.

497
00:27:56.441 --> 00:27:58.978
Yeah, that was my daughter.
She's calling from the restaurant.

498
00:27:59.044 --> 00:28:00.955
She just... She just called.

499
00:28:01.013 --> 00:28:02.720
She's good.

500
00:28:07.886 --> 00:28:10.890
My agents are highly trained professionals

501
00:28:10.989 --> 00:28:13.367
that do not have time to let you play out

502
00:28:13.458 --> 00:28:17.804
your little fantasies
about being a real cop, Mr. Blart.

503
00:28:17.863 --> 00:28:20.400
Totally understand. I get it.
Yeah, you're right.

504
00:28:22.701 --> 00:28:24.738
It is Officer Blart.

505
00:28:43.989 --> 00:28:46.196
Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.

506
00:28:47.192 --> 00:28:49.763
Really? Well, you know what?
I've lost my appetite.

507
00:28:49.861 --> 00:28:52.899
What has gotten into you? You lied to me.

508
00:28:52.998 --> 00:28:54.534
You said you were taking a nap.

509
00:28:54.600 --> 00:28:57.672
- Well, I was going to, but...
- You never called me once.

510
00:28:57.736 --> 00:29:00.876
You leave the bath filled,
which could have caused water damage,

511
00:29:00.939 --> 00:29:03.442
candles lit, which could have
burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.

512
00:29:03.542 --> 00:29:06.352
I'm sorry. It's just that Lane invited me
to go out to the pool...

513
00:29:06.411 --> 00:29:09.051
Lane? Lane?
That's what this betrayal's about?

514
00:29:09.114 --> 00:29:11.594
Chicken Chow Lane?

515
00:29:11.683 --> 00:29:13.720
Dad, people are looking.

516
00:29:13.785 --> 00:29:14.865
What happened to her, Maya?

517
00:29:14.886 --> 00:29:17.594
What happened to the pristine girl
who could never tell a lie?

518
00:29:17.689 --> 00:29:19.566
What happened to
my little George Washington?

519
00:29:19.625 --> 00:29:21.505
- George Washington?
- He could never tell a lie.

520
00:29:21.526 --> 00:29:22.966
He was full truth in a powdered wig.

521
00:29:23.362 --> 00:29:25.035
- I think you're overreacting.
- Really?

522
00:29:25.097 --> 00:29:26.777
And when were you
gonna tell me about that?

523
00:29:28.367 --> 00:29:30.369
- Where did you find this?
Please, Maya,

524
00:29:30.435 --> 00:29:32.075
I'm a highly trained security specialist.

525
00:29:32.137 --> 00:29:34.117
You can't expect to keep secrets from me.

526
00:29:35.474 --> 00:29:37.317
I didn't think I'd get in.

527
00:29:38.210 --> 00:29:40.247
I didn't even know you applied there.

528
00:29:40.312 --> 00:29:42.883
What happened to Central Jersey
Applied Technical Junior College?

529
00:29:42.948 --> 00:29:45.451
We're talking about UCLA here.

530
00:29:45.550 --> 00:29:47.325
Yeah, I thought
we were talking about CJATJC.

531
00:29:47.419 --> 00:29:48.489
Dad, you don't understand.

532
00:29:48.587 --> 00:29:50.624
I have a chance to go to California.

533
00:29:50.722 --> 00:29:54.602
Maya, California, it's too far away.

534
00:29:57.329 --> 00:29:58.933
Well, think about it this way.

535
00:29:58.997 --> 00:30:01.978
You could come visit me in the wintertime
when it's really cold in Jersey.

536
00:30:02.067 --> 00:30:05.139
Of course I can, if I want some smog
on my earthquake flakes!

537
00:30:07.439 --> 00:30:10.147
You know what? I've decided. I'm going.

538
00:30:10.242 --> 00:30:12.586
Wait, wait. You just decided?

539
00:30:12.644 --> 00:30:15.022
Well, you know what? Decision overruled.

540
00:30:15.113 --> 00:30:16.786
Judge Blart now in session!

541
00:30:22.454 --> 00:30:26.800
I know you've lost a lot lately,
and you're scared,

542
00:30:29.594 --> 00:30:32.768
but what you're doing right now
is so wrong.

543
00:30:36.501 --> 00:30:38.276
I'm going to UCLA.

544
00:30:39.004 --> 00:30:40.881
Maya. Maya, you get back...

545
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:42.812
Maya.

546
00:30:51.116 --> 00:30:53.392
Paul? I catch you at a bad Mme?

547
00:30:53.485 --> 00:30:55.021
I want you to meet the wife.

548
00:30:56.221 --> 00:30:58.030
- Okay.
- Nice to meet you.

549
00:30:58.123 --> 00:31:00.034
- Nice to meet you, yeah.
- Are you here with your wife?

550
00:31:00.125 --> 00:31:01.536
- Daughter.
- Yeah.

551
00:31:01.626 --> 00:31:05.802
It's our last trip together
before she goes off to college.

552
00:31:06.998 --> 00:31:07.999
Crusher.

553
00:31:08.066 --> 00:31:10.637
- Gosh, ours just went last year.
- Yeah.

554
00:31:10.702 --> 00:31:13.979
It was just as depressing as Idaho.

555
00:31:14.573 --> 00:31:16.177
Yeah, the silence was unbearable.

556
00:31:16.241 --> 00:31:18.321
I mean, the house was like
a cold tomb of loneliness.

557
00:31:19.511 --> 00:31:20.888
Anyway...

558
00:31:20.979 --> 00:31:22.822
- I would get so sad.
- Honey.

559
00:31:23.648 --> 00:31:25.525
When you would leave for work,

560
00:31:26.585 --> 00:31:29.657
I would just fire up the Sarah McLachlan,
walk into her closet

561
00:31:29.721 --> 00:31:32.099
and smell the sweaters
that she left behind.

562
00:31:32.591 --> 00:31:34.231
Yeah, I smell them. I smell the sweaters.

563
00:31:34.259 --> 00:31:37.365
Well, at least I have
this little angel to get me through.

564
00:31:38.196 --> 00:31:39.436
I mean, can you imagine

565
00:31:39.531 --> 00:31:41.238
- trying to get through it alone?
- No, I couldn't do it.

566
00:31:41.333 --> 00:31:43.253
- Could not do it.
- I could never do that alone.

567
00:31:44.069 --> 00:31:46.071
- I love you.
- Love you, too.

568
00:31:49.441 --> 00:31:51.352
Can't wait to meet your wife.

569
00:31:51.410 --> 00:31:52.889
- Yeah, that'd be terrific.
- Yeah.

570
00:31:52.944 --> 00:31:55.356
- Vegas, baby!
- Let's hit the tables!

571
00:31:55.947 --> 00:31:59.019
Have her call me if you want to
get her nails done or whatever.

572
00:32:04.022 --> 00:32:05.228
All right.

573
00:32:24.643 --> 00:32:25.644
Problem?

574
00:32:26.111 --> 00:32:29.888
They've already upgraded the lock
on Mr. van Gogh to the dual control.

575
00:32:30.715 --> 00:32:32.956
You said the upgrades
weren't scheduled till tomorrow.

576
00:32:33.051 --> 00:32:35.395
Because that is what the
security e-mail said.

577
00:32:36.054 --> 00:32:37.414
Now, I do have a guy on the inside

578
00:32:37.456 --> 00:32:39.834
who was supposed to alert me
if the schedule changed.

579
00:32:39.925 --> 00:32:41.302
Obviously, he didn't.

580
00:32:41.660 --> 00:32:42.798
Options.

581
00:32:42.894 --> 00:32:45.101
We disable both controls
at the exact same moment

582
00:32:45.163 --> 00:32:46.665
with a thermal lance. Now, it can be done,

583
00:32:46.765 --> 00:32:48.438
but that's gonna push us back.

584
00:32:49.067 --> 00:32:53.482
Okay. Let's switch out all the other pieces
before the rest get upgraded.

585
00:32:53.572 --> 00:32:55.142
Then we can focus on the van Gogh.

586
00:32:55.240 --> 00:32:57.960
It's number one on our buyer's list,
and I am not leaving without it.

587
00:33:00.579 --> 00:33:01.956
Everybody listen up.

588
00:33:02.747 --> 00:33:03.817
We're going now.

589
00:33:03.915 --> 00:33:05.555
Now, we're leaving the van Gogh for last,

590
00:33:05.584 --> 00:33:08.121
so Nadia will coordinate the new order.

591
00:33:08.186 --> 00:33:11.497
They say Las Vegas has
the best security in the world.

592
00:33:11.590 --> 00:33:13.467
Well, we're about to find out.

593
00:33:14.926 --> 00:33:16.769
Bring me your guy on the inside.

594
00:33:19.297 --> 00:33:20.867
- What'd I do?
- You don't get it.

595
00:33:20.966 --> 00:33:22.206
- You just do not get it.
- Get what?

596
00:33:22.300 --> 00:33:23.802
I said you had nice hair and nice teeth.

597
00:33:23.869 --> 00:33:26.782
- Officer needs assistance.
- Don't you get it?

598
00:33:26.838 --> 00:33:30.479
You smell like peat moss and curry,
and I think I'm gonna throw up.

599
00:33:30.542 --> 00:33:32.351
You don't want to go out with me?

600
00:33:32.444 --> 00:33:37.223
Whoa. Seems to me like two nice people
are trying to board the peace train,

601
00:33:37.315 --> 00:33:39.022
but she seems to have derailed.

602
00:33:39.117 --> 00:33:44.328
Look, this hairy, drunk rent-a-cop
confused "go away" for "hit on me."

603
00:33:44.389 --> 00:33:46.130
- Hey...
- Ma'am, Officer Panero here,

604
00:33:46.191 --> 00:33:48.671
who, in my professional opinion,
doesn't seem drunk,

605
00:33:48.727 --> 00:33:51.401
has at least three years' training
in distress recognition.

606
00:33:51.496 --> 00:33:54.807
I'm sure he sensed that
an attractive lady sitting by herself

607
00:33:54.866 --> 00:33:57.369
most likely seemed a bit lonely.

608
00:33:58.470 --> 00:34:02.043
So before you retreat
behind that wall we all put up,

609
00:34:02.140 --> 00:34:06.486
just know that Officer Panero
was here for you.

610
00:34:07.979 --> 00:34:09.356
Maybe I overreacted.

611
00:34:09.414 --> 00:34:11.724
And he's giving the keynote tonight.

612
00:34:16.221 --> 00:34:18.394
- Pleasure to be here.
- He's blotto.

613
00:34:19.024 --> 00:34:20.904
Sort of like someone's mother
last Columbus Day.

614
00:34:20.926 --> 00:34:23.270
Will you let it go? It was a
half box of wine.

615
00:34:25.063 --> 00:34:26.440
She's very patriotic.

616
00:34:27.699 --> 00:34:29.610
Well, there's no way Panero can go on.

617
00:34:29.701 --> 00:34:33.774
We need a leader right now that can
step up, take the reins and inspire us.

618
00:34:33.872 --> 00:34:34.907
I understand.

619
00:34:35.006 --> 00:34:38.579
I tried contacting Officer Ferguson from
TSA, but he must have his phone off.

620
00:34:38.677 --> 00:34:39.781
I mean, my hands are tied.

621
00:34:51.856 --> 00:34:52.857
Paul?

622
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:57.806
Can you step up to the mate and save us?

623
00:35:00.365 --> 00:35:02.606
I'm gonna need my dress whites.

624
00:35:12.544 --> 00:35:13.716
Come on.

625
00:35:23.722 --> 00:35:27.067
- Your uniform, as requested, Officer Blart.
- Thank you very much.

626
00:35:27.726 --> 00:35:29.137
Here you go.

627
00:35:30.128 --> 00:35:33.974
I am the general manager of this resort,
so I don't take tips.

628
00:35:34.065 --> 00:35:36.238
And I don't normally deliver
dry cleaning either,

629
00:35:36.301 --> 00:35:38.144
but I just... I wanted to clarify

630
00:35:38.236 --> 00:35:40.807
that I was not making advances
towards you earlier,

631
00:35:40.905 --> 00:35:42.976
nor would I, ever.

632
00:35:44.442 --> 00:35:48.083
Look, I understand you have
no control over this.

633
00:35:48.580 --> 00:35:51.493
Integrity is a bewitching gumbo,

634
00:35:51.583 --> 00:35:54.826
but I'm preparing now internally,
to give the keynote.

635
00:35:54.919 --> 00:35:56.592
So if you don't mind, okay?

636
00:35:57.589 --> 00:35:59.660
Look, this is crazy.

637
00:36:00.425 --> 00:36:02.427
I'm actually dating someone.

638
00:36:02.494 --> 00:36:06.169
Please, ma'am, I practically invented
the fake boyfriend thing.

639
00:36:06.264 --> 00:36:07.436
What?

640
00:36:07.499 --> 00:36:11.037
Listen, you have no bearing
on my life whatsoever.

641
00:36:12.303 --> 00:36:15.341
Your lip is sweating. It's sweating.

642
00:36:46.471 --> 00:36:50.180
There is an audience out there
of security professionals

643
00:36:50.241 --> 00:36:54.348
that paid good money to hear you speak.

644
00:36:54.412 --> 00:36:55.891
They want to hear you.

645
00:36:55.980 --> 00:36:59.985
That's not true. They didn't pay anything,
but they do deserve your best.

646
00:37:00.051 --> 00:37:01.724
They deserve it. They deserve it.

647
00:37:01.820 --> 00:37:03.390
Yeah, come on, man.

648
00:37:03.488 --> 00:37:05.661
Just loosen up, baby, loosen up.

649
00:37:06.491 --> 00:37:09.097
Coming at you! I'm gonna be coming.

650
00:37:09.194 --> 00:37:11.037
Bring it to them, bring it to them.

651
00:37:11.096 --> 00:37:14.236
I'm getting tight. I'm getting tight.

652
00:37:14.332 --> 00:37:15.936
I can't breathe, man.

653
00:37:26.344 --> 00:37:27.618
That's orange chicken.

654
00:37:27.712 --> 00:37:29.851
What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say?

655
00:37:29.914 --> 00:37:32.918
I got to get air.
I got to get air, I got to get air.

656
00:37:33.017 --> 00:37:34.587
I got to get some air.

657
00:37:34.686 --> 00:37:36.290
I got to get air, I got to get air.

658
00:37:47.532 --> 00:37:48.943
This is nice.

659
00:37:50.034 --> 00:37:51.980
And pulse back in range.

660
00:37:52.771 --> 00:37:54.045
Okay.

661
00:37:59.711 --> 00:38:01.122
Thank you.

662
00:38:09.821 --> 00:38:11.266
Get out of here.

663
00:38:15.059 --> 00:38:16.231
All right.

664
00:38:19.130 --> 00:38:21.303
Hey! Nope, nope, move along.

665
00:38:21.766 --> 00:38:23.643
Getaway. Move along.

666
00:38:30.241 --> 00:38:32.949
Get away from me. Hefeweizen!

667
00:38:42.687 --> 00:38:44.030
Get out of here!

668
00:38:47.992 --> 00:38:49.369
Get out of here.

669
00:38:57.635 --> 00:38:58.875
Get out!

670
00:39:09.614 --> 00:39:10.786
My God!

671
00:39:16.788 --> 00:39:18.631
Is there someone you can call?

672
00:39:24.295 --> 00:39:26.332
Can you help me? Can you call backup?

673
00:39:33.905 --> 00:39:35.816
I hurt my neck, I hurt my neck.

674
00:39:36.708 --> 00:39:37.812
Okay.

675
00:39:43.982 --> 00:39:45.393
Hey, thanks for all your help.

676
00:39:51.155 --> 00:39:52.862
There you are.

677
00:39:52.924 --> 00:39:55.200
- We're about to announce you.
- Okay.

678
00:39:55.894 --> 00:39:56.929
Come on. Maya.

679
00:40:01.733 --> 00:40:03.212
Thanks.

680
00:40:03.268 --> 00:40:05.111
Cool party. Whose suite is this?

681
00:40:05.203 --> 00:40:07.080
The housekeepers are
all good friends of mine.

682
00:40:07.171 --> 00:40:10.084
They let me know when the high rollers
check out early, so...

683
00:40:11.576 --> 00:40:14.523
- You okay?
- Yeah. Everything's great.

684
00:40:15.346 --> 00:40:16.916
I'll be right back.
I got something for you.

685
00:40:17.015 --> 00:40:18.619
I think you're gonna like it.

686
00:40:32.297 --> 00:40:33.435
Yeah!

687
00:40:33.531 --> 00:40:34.771
Very kind, very kind.

688
00:40:34.866 --> 00:40:38.575
Ladies and gentlemen,
I know you're here to see Nick Panero

689
00:40:38.636 --> 00:40:40.616
deliver the keynote speech.

690
00:40:40.705 --> 00:40:45.211
However, due to circumstances
beyond our control,

691
00:40:45.276 --> 00:40:48.155
we've had to bring in
a different speaker tonight.

692
00:40:49.080 --> 00:40:51.082
Yeah, I know, I'm disappointed, too.

693
00:40:51.916 --> 00:40:56.228
So, instead, how about
a nice, warm Expo welcome

694
00:40:56.287 --> 00:40:58.733
for Officer Paul Blart.

695
00:41:08.232 --> 00:41:10.439
Thank you, Officer Gundermutt.

696
00:41:14.005 --> 00:41:15.177
Is it warm in here,

697
00:41:15.273 --> 00:41:18.584
or am I ordering my next uniform
from Rochester Big and Humid?

698
00:41:26.584 --> 00:41:29.963
I am honored to be here,

699
00:41:30.021 --> 00:41:32.160
in the presence of the
greats from the past.

700
00:41:33.591 --> 00:41:38.438
Just looking at these faces reminds me
of the questions so many people ask.

701
00:41:39.330 --> 00:41:40.673
Why do we do it?

702
00:41:41.766 --> 00:41:44.508
Why walk a beat
knowing that on a typical day

703
00:41:44.602 --> 00:41:47.674
you'll get zero pats on the back?

704
00:41:50.675 --> 00:41:52.018
But you know what you will get?

705
00:41:52.110 --> 00:41:53.953
A whole lot of ridicule.

706
00:41:55.780 --> 00:41:57.350
What are you doing here?

707
00:41:57.448 --> 00:41:59.291
I thought Mini Kiss was playing.

708
00:42:00.318 --> 00:42:01.558
What are you doing here?

709
00:42:01.652 --> 00:42:04.155
I get it. We're easy targets.

710
00:42:04.222 --> 00:42:08.693
People call us heavy, skinny, lumpy.

711
00:42:08.793 --> 00:42:10.704
They point out our bad skin.

712
00:42:23.074 --> 00:42:25.418
What is it that we all have in common?

713
00:42:25.877 --> 00:42:27.652
In the words of Joseph Conrad,

714
00:42:27.712 --> 00:42:31.182
who wrote some really long books
about sailing and stuff,

715
00:42:32.683 --> 00:42:35.186
"We live as we dream.

716
00:42:37.889 --> 00:42:39.527
"Alone."

717
00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:51.537
<i>Turns out I am giving the keynote after all,</i>

718
00:42:51.602 --> 00:42:54.208
<i>so it'd mean a lot
if you could be there, peanut.</i>

719
00:43:05.716 --> 00:43:07.093
You were supposed to tell me

720
00:43:07.185 --> 00:43:08.528
- if the schedule got moved.
- Let's calm down.

721
00:43:08.586 --> 00:43:10.190
And no one told me anything.

722
00:43:12.390 --> 00:43:14.063
I'm sorry. Bye.

723
00:43:16.861 --> 00:43:18.238
Get her.

724
00:43:21.399 --> 00:43:24.107
And yet, when people ask me,
"Why do you do it?"

725
00:43:24.202 --> 00:43:25.613
I have to laugh.

726
00:43:29.040 --> 00:43:30.917
'Cause they think I have a choice.

727
00:43:31.242 --> 00:43:32.550
I don't.

728
00:43:32.610 --> 00:43:34.590
I, like you, didn't choose security.

729
00:43:34.645 --> 00:43:37.819
Security chose me!

730
00:43:50.161 --> 00:43:54.439
Every morning, I pull my pants on
one leg at a time,

731
00:43:54.499 --> 00:43:56.172
and I slip on my soft-soled shoes,

732
00:43:56.267 --> 00:43:58.110
and I hear the same calling you do.

733
00:44:02.807 --> 00:44:05.083
"Help someone today."

734
00:44:07.145 --> 00:44:08.180
Come on, Dad.

735
00:44:12.817 --> 00:44:14.455
"Help someone today."

736
00:44:14.519 --> 00:44:16.123
Sounds easy, doesn't it?

737
00:44:16.954 --> 00:44:20.424
But if being a security officer was easy,
anybody could do it.

738
00:44:20.858 --> 00:44:22.098
Anyone can do it.

739
00:44:22.593 --> 00:44:24.266
Takes a certain breed.

740
00:44:25.630 --> 00:44:29.271
Someone who has Spidey-senses
when things are going wrong.

741
00:44:32.103 --> 00:44:35.141
Sure, you can meet all kinds of people
in this line of work.

742
00:44:35.206 --> 00:44:36.981
Your shoplifters, your pickpockets,

743
00:44:37.375 --> 00:44:39.184
your freeloaders

744
00:44:39.277 --> 00:44:42.622
stealing a nap in
a Brookstone massage chair.

745
00:44:42.947 --> 00:44:44.858
- They're the worst.
- Don't get me started.

746
00:44:44.949 --> 00:44:48.522
And there's the old lady
who can't find her car in Parking Level F

747
00:44:48.619 --> 00:44:51.498
'cause she doesn't have a car.

748
00:44:53.724 --> 00:44:55.465
And there is no Parking Level F.

749
00:44:57.962 --> 00:44:59.805
It only goes up to D.

750
00:45:03.034 --> 00:45:05.537
And all of a sudden you're asking yourself,

751
00:45:05.636 --> 00:45:08.310
"Why do I do it?"

752
00:45:15.413 --> 00:45:20.362
Till the little boy, tears in his eyes,
is tugging on your sleeve.

753
00:45:22.253 --> 00:45:24.494
He says to you.

754
00:45:25.356 --> 00:45:27.529
"Mister, mister, mister.

755
00:45:29.427 --> 00:45:31.168
"Can't find my mommy."

756
00:45:39.170 --> 00:45:40.911
That's why you do it.

757
00:45:41.005 --> 00:45:42.177
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

758
00:45:42.840 --> 00:45:44.581
I will close with this.

759
00:45:44.675 --> 00:45:48.680
If you believe the purpose of life
is to only serve yourself,

760
00:45:48.746 --> 00:45:50.919
then you have no purpose.

761
00:45:51.015 --> 00:45:53.427
Help someone today!

762
00:45:59.857 --> 00:46:01.530
Jackpot!
- You nailed it! You nailed it!

763
00:46:01.592 --> 00:46:03.265
Way to go, Blart!

764
00:46:03.361 --> 00:46:05.204
You go, Paul Blart!

765
00:46:16.874 --> 00:46:18.649
Maya, look, I know you're mad at me.

766
00:46:18.743 --> 00:46:20.780
- Dad!
- But hear me out.

767
00:46:20.878 --> 00:46:23.119
<i>- Look, I feel just terrible.</i>
- I need your help!

768
00:46:23.214 --> 00:46:25.387
Yeah, and I need your help.
This is what I'm trying to say.

769
00:46:25.449 --> 00:46:28.225
Dad!
I saw something in the Presidential Suite

770
00:46:28.286 --> 00:46:29.822
I guess I wasn't supposed to see.

771
00:46:29.920 --> 00:46:31.797
<i>- And now they're after me.</i>
- Who?

772
00:46:31.889 --> 00:46:32.890
I don't know.

773
00:46:32.957 --> 00:46:36.427
Angel please don't worry.
I know exactly what you're dealing with.

774
00:46:36.560 --> 00:46:38.403
It was just somebody
trying to intimidate you.

775
00:46:38.462 --> 00:46:40.100
Trust me, they're all bark and no bite.

776
00:46:41.465 --> 00:46:42.500
They're coming for me!

777
00:46:43.234 --> 00:46:44.941
Misread it. Okay, sweetheart.

778
00:46:45.002 --> 00:46:46.642
Stay on the phone with me. I'm on my way!

779
00:46:49.674 --> 00:46:51.153
Maya, use your pepper spray!

780
00:46:52.777 --> 00:46:54.654
<i>Maya, Maya, what's happening?</i>

781
00:46:55.279 --> 00:46:56.519
Maya?

782
00:46:57.648 --> 00:46:59.821
<i>- Maya!</i>
- Thank you.

783
00:46:59.917 --> 00:47:01.988
<i>- Who is this?</i>
- This is Officer Paul Blart

784
00:47:02.086 --> 00:47:04.157
from the West Orange Pavilion Mall.
Who am I speaking with?

785
00:47:04.255 --> 00:47:05.427
Don't you worry about that.

786
00:47:05.690 --> 00:47:07.650
Well, that's not fair.
I already told you my name.

787
00:47:07.692 --> 00:47:10.605
- Now, where's my daughter?
- Your daughter.

788
00:47:10.661 --> 00:47:13.505
Wow, you don't know when to
shut your mouth, do you?

789
00:47:13.597 --> 00:47:15.543
Listen, I don't think you have a clue
to who you're messing with.

790
00:47:15.633 --> 00:47:18.671
Actually, I don't need a clue.
You just told me.

791
00:47:18.769 --> 00:47:21.443
And if you decide to go to the real cops,

792
00:47:21.505 --> 00:47:24.266
attempt to track this cell phone
or make any attempt to come after me,

793
00:47:24.308 --> 00:47:26.151
boy, I am so crazy.

794
00:47:26.210 --> 00:47:28.850
I'll put you and your daughter
in a world of pain.

795
00:47:29.213 --> 00:47:32.524
Yeah? Well, here's a few things
you don't know about me.

796
00:47:32.616 --> 00:47:35.324
First off, pain is my copilot,
so no problem there.

797
00:47:35.386 --> 00:47:36.626
And second off...

798
00:47:41.192 --> 00:47:43.138
Hello. Hello?

799
00:47:46.864 --> 00:47:49.140
Hello? Hello?

800
00:47:50.968 --> 00:47:53.312
Strange. Okay, let's go.

801
00:47:53.804 --> 00:47:54.874
Get rid of this.

802
00:47:55.406 --> 00:47:57.352
Hey, yo, have you guys seen Maya?

803
00:47:57.408 --> 00:48:00.355
- Who's Maya?
- I introduced you to her.

804
00:48:00.411 --> 00:48:02.411
She was the girl
I was talking to right over there.

805
00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:05.256
Dude, he's hammered.
She was on the phone and went that way.

806
00:48:05.349 --> 00:48:06.589
- That way?
- Yeah.

807
00:48:07.418 --> 00:48:08.522
Enjoy.

808
00:48:13.324 --> 00:48:14.428
Maya?

809
00:48:16.861 --> 00:48:18.272
Maya?

810
00:48:20.998 --> 00:48:22.534
Maya?

811
00:48:23.167 --> 00:48:24.840
Looking for someone?

812
00:48:30.541 --> 00:48:32.248
Okay, clear this place out.

813
00:48:32.343 --> 00:48:34.380
This location's been compromised.

814
00:48:34.445 --> 00:48:36.516
Bring those two to the villa.

815
00:48:42.386 --> 00:48:43.797
Sugar.

816
00:48:44.622 --> 00:48:45.623
Sugar.

817
00:48:49.059 --> 00:48:51.596
Daddy, look at the beautiful flowers.
Can I draw on them?

818
00:48:51.695 --> 00:48:54.266
Not now, honey. Daddy's on the phone.
Go with Mommy.

819
00:48:55.599 --> 00:49:00.776
Must get sugar.

820
00:49:01.272 --> 00:49:02.774
Come on, sugar.

821
00:50:05.169 --> 00:50:06.512
- Please, sir, please.
- Just let us out.

822
00:50:06.604 --> 00:50:08.606
We're not gonna cause any trouble.
We're not gonna say anything.

823
00:50:08.672 --> 00:50:10.845
- Please, sir. Please.
- Sir, please let us out!

824
00:50:13.344 --> 00:50:16.188
- What the heck is going on?
- I think they're stealing art from the hotel.

825
00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:18.624
- From the what?
- From the hotel.

826
00:50:19.517 --> 00:50:21.861
- What is that?
- I got this for you.

827
00:50:24.054 --> 00:50:26.557
Here. It's either this or sunblock.

828
00:50:38.502 --> 00:50:39.537
Maya.

829
00:50:45.643 --> 00:50:49.216
Have sweet mercy! Oh, my!

830
00:50:52.516 --> 00:50:53.893
I am so sorry, ma'am.

831
00:50:53.984 --> 00:50:56.430
Nope, my fault. I startled you.

832
00:50:57.021 --> 00:51:00.400
- I just feel terrible.
- No. I deserved it.

833
00:51:00.491 --> 00:51:03.563
Can I help you up
or get you some medical attention?

834
00:51:03.661 --> 00:51:04.731
Not necessary.

835
00:51:04.828 --> 00:51:08.503
This just shifts the focus
away from my arthritis.

836
00:51:14.171 --> 00:51:15.844
- You're sure?
- I'm fine.

837
00:51:17.241 --> 00:51:21.087
- Are you gonna want turndown service?
- No, thank you!

838
00:51:22.947 --> 00:51:24.585
Officer, how can I help you?

839
00:51:24.682 --> 00:51:26.559
I need to know who's staying
in your Presidential Suite.

840
00:51:26.617 --> 00:51:28.777
Okay, first of all,
you need to slow things down a bit.

841
00:51:28.852 --> 00:51:31.230
And, secondly, that's actually
against resort policy. So...

842
00:51:31.288 --> 00:51:32.289
I got this, Heath.

843
00:51:32.389 --> 00:51:34.391
Sir, I can help you down here.

844
00:51:36.760 --> 00:51:39.036
Well, I guess I've been overruled.

845
00:51:42.967 --> 00:51:44.047
Now, what can I do for you?

846
00:51:44.068 --> 00:51:47.481
I need information on who's staying
in your Presidential Suite. It's urgent.

847
00:51:47.571 --> 00:51:50.074
- What's going on?
- I can't divulge that at this moment.

848
00:51:50.140 --> 00:51:52.051
It's top secret stuff, okay? Just...

849
00:51:52.810 --> 00:51:54.414
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Blart,

850
00:51:54.478 --> 00:51:56.822
but, unfortunately, I won't be able
to give you that information,

851
00:51:56.914 --> 00:51:58.393
because it is against protocol.

852
00:51:59.450 --> 00:52:02.260
See? I told you
I feel no admiration for you,

853
00:52:02.319 --> 00:52:05.562
so sorry, there are no special favors.

854
00:52:07.224 --> 00:52:09.135
You're breathing in double time.

855
00:52:09.226 --> 00:52:10.546
Just tell me who's staying there.

856
00:52:12.396 --> 00:52:14.239
I can't say no to you.

857
00:52:16.400 --> 00:52:19.279
He's a high roller who books his rooms
through his company.

858
00:52:19.336 --> 00:52:21.056
Norbertine Shipping
out of Hamburg, Germany.

859
00:52:21.105 --> 00:52:22.175
Shipping. Thank you.

860
00:52:22.272 --> 00:52:23.615
You're so ..

861
00:52:27.244 --> 00:52:28.951
Come on. No.

862
00:53:17.995 --> 00:53:20.134
I think I can short this
and get us out of here.

863
00:53:20.798 --> 00:53:23.836
Or maybe we should just do what they say.

864
00:53:23.901 --> 00:53:27.075
We've seen what they look like, Lane.
They're not gonna let us go.

865
00:53:39.983 --> 00:53:41.656
- Can I help you?
- Hey.

866
00:53:45.189 --> 00:53:46.532
Muhrtelle.

867
00:53:46.857 --> 00:53:49.428
It's pronounced like "turtle" or “girdle?”

868
00:53:49.526 --> 00:53:52.200
No. Muhrtelle. I got it right away.
I'm pretty good.

869
00:53:52.262 --> 00:53:55.402
- Why are you back here?
- No, I'm from shipping, so...

870
00:53:56.667 --> 00:53:58.112
- I'm from shipping.
- Yeah, I Know

871
00:53:58.202 --> 00:54:01.411
I'm from corporate, so...

872
00:54:01.505 --> 00:54:04.179
If you could give me a moment,
I'd like to place a telephone call.

873
00:54:04.241 --> 00:54:06.380
No, no, no, no. No need, really.

874
00:54:06.443 --> 00:54:08.753
Okay, actually, I'm...

875
00:54:08.846 --> 00:54:11.759
I'm from Internal Affairs Shipping. Yeah.

876
00:54:11.849 --> 00:54:15.592
Corporate sent me here to check up
on you and your coworkers.

877
00:54:15.686 --> 00:54:18.428
Random selection.
No need to get too nervous.

878
00:54:18.522 --> 00:54:21.799
- Is it okay I eat my lunch?
- Sure, yeah. You might as well.

879
00:54:21.892 --> 00:54:23.633
I'm just gonna fire
some questions at you, though,

880
00:54:23.727 --> 00:54:26.264
vis-a-vis this particular shipment here.

881
00:54:26.363 --> 00:54:27.569
Now, where exactly did...

882
00:54:27.631 --> 00:54:30.612
Wow, that is the brownest banana
I've ever seen.

883
00:54:30.701 --> 00:54:33.421
That's borderline black. I wouldn't
eat that if I were you. That's...

884
00:54:33.437 --> 00:54:35.314
You're eating it. He's eating it.

885
00:54:35.405 --> 00:54:37.316
I'm gonna throw up a little bit, I think.

886
00:54:38.709 --> 00:54:40.245
I think that's poison.

887
00:54:41.912 --> 00:54:43.220
That's sickening.

888
00:54:47.751 --> 00:54:49.731
Where did this ship from?

889
00:54:50.320 --> 00:54:52.360
I don't know.
Some man brought a bunch of these down

890
00:54:52.422 --> 00:54:54.231
from the Presidential Suite.

891
00:54:54.892 --> 00:54:56.929
You mind opening it for me?

892
00:54:59.630 --> 00:55:00.973
Internal Affairs, so I just...

893
00:55:06.737 --> 00:55:08.341
Do you have any identification?

894
00:55:08.772 --> 00:55:09.978
Don't you worry about that, Turtle.

895
00:55:10.073 --> 00:55:12.349
- I'll ask the questions here.
- Wait.

896
00:55:12.509 --> 00:55:14.182
I want to ask a question.

897
00:55:16.980 --> 00:55:18.516
What do you think
you're doing with that crate?

898
00:55:18.615 --> 00:55:20.686
I was just simply just checking that...

899
00:55:28.425 --> 00:55:30.701
- Someone's messing with the shipment!
- Radio.

900
00:55:31.829 --> 00:55:33.866
Unacceptable. Kill him.

901
00:55:39.136 --> 00:55:40.615
A mall.

902
00:55:40.671 --> 00:55:42.844
Home-court advantage.

903
00:55:51.281 --> 00:55:52.555
Bingo.

904
00:56:36.660 --> 00:56:37.661
Pain!

905
00:56:52.876 --> 00:56:55.117
This is it. I'm going down.

906
00:57:02.552 --> 00:57:03.758
Took care of some cop.

907
00:57:03.854 --> 00:57:06.095
- For good?
<i>- Don't worry about it. He's gone.</i>

908
00:57:06.523 --> 00:57:09.094
He sleeps with the fishes Literally.

909
00:57:09.459 --> 00:57:10.529
Excellent.

910
00:57:16.633 --> 00:57:19.876
Not today, death! Not today!

911
00:57:26.276 --> 00:57:27.482
Sir.

912
00:57:28.946 --> 00:57:31.324
We ask that guests dry off
before entering the casino'

913
00:57:31.415 --> 00:57:33.554
Absolutely. I should have thought of that.

914
00:57:33.617 --> 00:57:35.290
Why don't you come with me, sir.
I'll get you a dry towel.

915
00:57:35.385 --> 00:57:36.728
That would be great.

916
00:57:38.255 --> 00:57:42.635
On second thought, I think
I'd rather air-dry.

917
00:57:43.327 --> 00:57:45.933
Because you're not who you say you are...

918
00:57:47.631 --> 00:57:49.076
Ramos.

919
00:57:49.633 --> 00:57:50.737
Excuse me?

920
00:57:51.101 --> 00:57:53.411
The buttons on your
uniform are rivet brass,

921
00:57:53.470 --> 00:57:55.472
made by Cintas uniform supply,

922
00:57:55.572 --> 00:57:58.348
which stopped using
that particular type of metal,

923
00:57:58.442 --> 00:58:01.480
due to humanitarian reasons, 18 years ago.

924
00:58:02.479 --> 00:58:04.516
Since there's no way you're a day over 30,

925
00:58:04.614 --> 00:58:06.821
and the Security Association
restricts the hiring

926
00:58:06.917 --> 00:58:08.362
of anybody under the age of 18,

927
00:58:08.452 --> 00:58:12.264
there is no way you are
a security guard here.

928
00:58:13.790 --> 00:58:14.928
You're right.

929
00:58:15.959 --> 00:58:17.199
Headbutt!

930
00:58:18.528 --> 00:58:20.633
That's a very good defense. One more!

931
00:58:20.998 --> 00:58:23.274
I'm definitely done. Not this time!

932
00:58:24.167 --> 00:58:26.670
- That was the last one. You have my word.
- All right.

933
00:58:29.339 --> 00:58:30.784
Hey. What's going on?

934
00:58:33.477 --> 00:58:36.822
- Hey. Sorry. Guy's drunk.
- Well, why'd you let him run off?

935
00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:39.292
- I'll make sure I get him back to his room.
- You do that.

936
00:58:45.522 --> 00:58:47.229
Security's been breached.

937
00:58:48.458 --> 00:58:49.994
Of course.

938
00:58:50.060 --> 00:58:52.040
Eduardo's in on it.

939
00:58:52.129 --> 00:58:54.166
Fool me once, shame on me.

940
00:58:54.231 --> 00:58:57.075
Fool me twice, shame on me.

941
00:58:57.868 --> 00:59:00.178
No, that's me twice. That doesn't work.

942
00:59:00.837 --> 00:59:01.872
Hey!

943
00:59:29.933 --> 00:59:31.435
Gosh. Come on.

944
00:59:45.916 --> 00:59:47.020
Hey!

945
01:00:18.715 --> 01:00:20.319
That's Paul Blart.

946
01:00:23.120 --> 01:00:26.397
- I'd love to see you up there.
- I would if I had a good hamstring.

947
01:00:26.456 --> 01:00:28.376
- I don't got a good hamstring.
- It's all right.

948
01:00:37.167 --> 01:00:39.078
Who is this guy? What's going on?

949
01:00:56.953 --> 01:00:58.830
Sorry. Big man on a rope!

950
01:00:59.990 --> 01:01:01.025
Sorry.

951
01:01:01.424 --> 01:01:03.995
This whole thing's like a pool inside,
like an indoor pool.

952
01:01:04.094 --> 01:01:05.129
- It's unbelievable.
- Unbelievable.

953
01:01:05.195 --> 01:01:08.176
Take a dip! Yeah!

954
01:01:09.933 --> 01:01:12.709
Yeah! Sorry. Tuck and roll.

955
01:01:15.939 --> 01:01:17.145
This ain't real.

956
01:01:20.110 --> 01:01:21.453
Thank you, Paul!

957
01:01:26.116 --> 01:01:27.117
What a guy!

958
01:02:02.652 --> 01:02:05.155
Come on, man. I know you're in here.

959
01:02:29.679 --> 01:02:30.851
Okay.

960
01:02:48.465 --> 01:02:51.275
It looks like we've come
to a fork in the road.

961
01:02:51.368 --> 01:02:52.369
What?

962
01:02:58.441 --> 01:02:59.613
A little too much club.

963
01:03:04.247 --> 01:03:05.453
Okay.

964
01:03:12.322 --> 01:03:13.665
There you go.

965
01:03:15.558 --> 01:03:16.559
Yeah.

966
01:03:29.639 --> 01:03:32.643
<i>- Ramos, it's Henk. Where are you?</i>
- Le Réve theater.

967
01:03:32.742 --> 01:03:34.244
Some cop may be onto us.

968
01:03:34.477 --> 01:03:37.151
Wait. Big guy? Mustache? Snug pants?

969
01:03:37.247 --> 01:03:39.420
<i>- Yeah, that's the one.
- I thought he was dead.</i>

970
01:03:39.482 --> 01:03:41.655
- This guy's like a cockroach.
<i>- Where are you?</i>

971
01:03:41.751 --> 01:03:43.025
<i>We're about to move the Botero.</i>

972
01:03:43.119 --> 01:03:44.154
Roger that.

973
01:03:44.254 --> 01:03:46.825
Henk, Ramos, Botero.

974
01:03:46.923 --> 01:03:48.163
Who are these guys?

975
01:03:51.127 --> 01:03:54.506
Come on, Paul, think for Maya. Think!

976
01:03:54.597 --> 01:03:56.440
<i>All this for stupid art.</i>

977
01:03:57.334 --> 01:03:58.836
Who is Art?

978
01:03:59.336 --> 01:04:00.940
Come on, think.

979
01:04:06.109 --> 01:04:10.148
Windershins! It's about the art!

980
01:04:10.213 --> 01:04:12.386
They're stealing art from the hotel!

981
01:04:14.184 --> 01:04:16.323
Ramos, this is Henk.

982
01:04:16.386 --> 01:04:17.746
Did you get the new locations yet?

983
01:04:17.954 --> 01:04:19.514
Henk, you didn't tell me where you are.

984
01:04:19.689 --> 01:04:21.498
We're in the casino. Stop calling me.

985
01:04:21.558 --> 01:04:25.199
<i>- Vincent wants you, out</i>.
- Let the games begin.

986
01:04:42.679 --> 01:04:43.817
Found our friend.

987
01:04:51.221 --> 01:04:53.258
Didn't see it. Didn't see it.

988
01:04:53.356 --> 01:04:54.858
That's clean glass. Okay.

989
01:04:59.396 --> 01:05:01.842
- So?
- I'm gonna need about 20 minutes, Vincent.

990
01:05:02.232 --> 01:05:03.768
Move as fast as you can.

991
01:05:22.786 --> 01:05:24.288
No, no, no!

992
01:05:27.290 --> 01:05:29.463
Vincent. Vincent, this is Henk.

993
01:05:29.559 --> 01:05:32.199
<i>- Where are you?</i>
- Waiting for the van Gogh. Where are you?

994
01:05:32.262 --> 01:05:33.764
I'm on my way.

995
01:05:33.863 --> 01:05:35.206
I'm coming for you, Maya.

996
01:05:42.038 --> 01:05:43.881
Could you press one, please?

997
01:05:47.877 --> 01:05:49.879
- Good crowd tonight?
- Yeah.

998
01:05:52.081 --> 01:05:54.288
- Did you guys play Beth?
- No.

999
01:05:56.586 --> 01:05:59.726
- Great hair.
- Thanks. It's not mine.

1000
01:06:04.327 --> 01:06:07.240
- Told you we should play Beth.
- Not now. Frank!

1001
01:06:13.069 --> 01:06:14.173
This hotel is solid.

1002
01:06:14.604 --> 01:06:17.244
This gift is adorable, but...

1003
01:06:20.577 --> 01:06:22.318
The globe lights up with copper wiring.

1004
01:06:22.412 --> 01:06:25.256
My father insists that I keep
an extra phone battery on me.

1005
01:06:28.017 --> 01:06:29.257
Stand back.

1006
01:06:31.988 --> 01:06:33.433
That should do it.

1007
01:06:34.624 --> 01:06:35.864
Come on.

1008
01:06:42.298 --> 01:06:44.539
<i>The helicopter is fueled and ready.</i>

1009
01:06:44.634 --> 01:06:47.547
Perfect. What are you doing?

1010
01:06:47.637 --> 01:06:49.446
From the hotel gift basket.

1011
01:06:49.939 --> 01:06:52.977
- What is that in your hand?
- Oatmeal cookie.

1012
01:06:53.042 --> 01:06:55.181
I'm deathly allergic.
What are you trying to do to me?

1013
01:06:55.278 --> 01:06:56.814
- Sorry.
- Get rid of it.

1014
01:06:58.615 --> 01:07:00.117
Double back.
Doubling.

1015
01:07:03.620 --> 01:07:05.497
We can't get out through there.

1016
01:07:06.289 --> 01:07:09.793
- Pocketknife keychain. Just in case.
- In case what?

1017
01:07:09.859 --> 01:07:12.237
I get kidnapped by bad guys
and held hostage.

1018
01:07:12.328 --> 01:07:14.638
- It's happened before.
What?

1019
01:07:22.071 --> 01:07:24.142
Room 3402. Charge it please.

1020
01:07:51.367 --> 01:07:54.507
- Hey! Can you help us?
- Absolutely.

1021
01:08:04.714 --> 01:08:07.456
Five more minutes, Vincent,
and then we are done.

1022
01:08:07.550 --> 01:08:09.350
Secure the painting and
let's get out of here.

1023
01:08:09.385 --> 01:08:11.456
We've got less than three hours
to meet our buyer.

1024
01:08:11.888 --> 01:08:13.026
Roger that.

1025
01:08:13.189 --> 01:08:17.103
All right, Vincent,
since you took something precious from me,

1026
01:08:17.193 --> 01:08:19.901
I'm taking something precious from you.

1027
01:08:41.985 --> 01:08:44.397
It's a bad day to be bad people.

1028
01:08:54.731 --> 01:08:56.677
Paul, <i>mi amor!</i>

1029
01:09:12.415 --> 01:09:13.758
No!

1030
01:09:32.101 --> 01:09:34.206
<i>- Van Gogh is traveling.</i>
- Excellent.

1031
01:09:34.303 --> 01:09:36.840
I want the truck waiting
in Juérez in one hour.

1032
01:09:56.559 --> 01:09:57.629
Yeah!

1033
01:10:04.734 --> 01:10:06.304
Enjoy the ride.

1034
01:10:36.999 --> 01:10:38.205
See you.

1035
01:10:44.173 --> 01:10:45.709
Where's that phone?

1036
01:10:45.775 --> 01:10:46.947
Come on.

1037
01:10:59.622 --> 01:11:02.228
- Please tell me Blart is dead.
<i>- Yeah, if by dead, you mean</i>

1038
01:11:02.291 --> 01:11:03.929
taking out your crew one by one,

1039
01:11:04.026 --> 01:11:06.870
and being in possession
of one of your prize paintings.

1040
01:11:07.296 --> 01:11:09.606
- Which one?
<i>- I'm gonna say...</i>

1041
01:11:09.699 --> 01:11:12.805
- I don't know, sunflowers?
<i>- That's a van Gogh, you idiot.</i>

1042
01:11:12.902 --> 01:11:16.907
Yeah, you know what? Well, it's van gone
if you don't ramp down the hurtful words.

1043
01:11:17.607 --> 01:11:19.609
- What do you want?
<i>- I want to make a deal.</i>

1044
01:11:19.709 --> 01:11:21.655
A swap. A trade.

1045
01:11:25.281 --> 01:11:27.227
Suggesting we make an exchange.

1046
01:11:27.617 --> 01:11:29.460
<i>- You see, I have the painting...</i>
- I got it.

1047
01:11:29.552 --> 01:11:31.793
<i>Meet me at the Grand Hall, alone.</i>

1048
01:11:32.822 --> 01:11:35.098
Time to even the playing field.

1049
01:11:38.594 --> 01:11:40.130
Come on, man.

1050
01:11:40.830 --> 01:11:42.241
I'm sorry.

1051
01:11:49.305 --> 01:11:50.477
You know what?

1052
01:11:50.573 --> 01:11:52.109
I made my decision.

1053
01:11:52.175 --> 01:11:55.156
If we live, I'm not going to UCLA.

1054
01:11:57.079 --> 01:11:58.922
- Are you sure?
- Yes!

1055
01:11:58.981 --> 01:12:00.289
I can't abandon him.

1056
01:12:00.750 --> 01:12:02.661
He's never been alone.

1057
01:12:02.752 --> 01:12:05.289
We've always lived with my grandma.

1058
01:12:05.354 --> 01:12:07.265
Until a milk truck took
her to a better place.

1059
01:12:08.524 --> 01:12:10.595
And then there was
those six days of marriage.

1060
01:12:11.093 --> 01:12:12.813
I mean, he still sleeps with a night light.

1061
01:12:12.829 --> 01:12:13.864
Really?

1062
01:12:14.197 --> 01:12:15.767
- Is that bad?
- No.

1063
01:12:15.832 --> 01:12:17.675
No, a lot of people are like that.

1064
01:12:17.767 --> 01:12:19.508
Yeah, a lot of six-year-olds.

1065
01:12:19.602 --> 01:12:20.808
You, come with me.

1066
01:12:20.870 --> 01:12:22.213
Have Robinson take him to the helipad.

1067
01:12:22.305 --> 01:12:23.443
- Let's go.
Maya.

1068
01:12:23.506 --> 01:12:24.610
Let's go!

1069
01:12:29.846 --> 01:12:31.689
- That's far enough.
- Maya, you okay?

1070
01:12:33.182 --> 01:12:34.217
I'm okay.

1071
01:12:34.317 --> 01:12:35.455
Well done, Blart.

1072
01:12:35.518 --> 01:12:37.498
You thinned my manpower significantly.

1073
01:12:37.954 --> 01:12:38.955
Must be getting pretty...

1074
01:12:39.288 --> 01:12:41.199
Lonely out there.

1075
01:12:41.490 --> 01:12:42.491
You scared?

1076
01:12:43.226 --> 01:12:44.296
Not following you.

1077
01:12:44.360 --> 01:12:46.533
Your fear of being alone.

1078
01:12:48.231 --> 01:12:51.303
- First your wife dumps you at the altar.
- Wrong.

1079
01:12:51.367 --> 01:12:53.142
- She was with me six days.
- Great.

1080
01:12:53.236 --> 01:12:54.977
So she got to sample the merchandise

1081
01:12:55.037 --> 01:12:56.539
and was glad she kept her receipt.

1082
01:12:56.906 --> 01:13:00.313
And then your mom
kisses a bus.

1083
01:13:00.509 --> 01:13:02.546
It was a milk truck,
but I'll give you that one.

1084
01:13:02.879 --> 01:13:05.826
And now your daughter can't wait
to get away from you.

1085
01:13:05.882 --> 01:13:07.054
That's not true, Dad.

1086
01:13:07.683 --> 01:13:11.426
Well, she's following her destiny,
and I support it fully.

1087
01:13:12.088 --> 01:13:13.499
Flag on the play, sloppy.

1088
01:13:13.990 --> 01:13:16.095
She says you can't be alone

1089
01:13:16.659 --> 01:13:18.819
and that you're doing everything
in your pathetic power

1090
01:13:18.828 --> 01:13:20.239
to keep her under your thumb.

1091
01:13:21.397 --> 01:13:24.276
- I didn't say that exactly, Dad.
- It's okay, sweetheart.

1092
01:13:24.700 --> 01:13:27.374
See, Vincent, I'm fiercely independent,

1093
01:13:27.436 --> 01:13:29.677
yet I'm not a big fan of being alone.

1094
01:13:30.206 --> 01:13:31.514
I'm a contradiction.

1095
01:13:33.676 --> 01:13:35.053
I told you I was crazy.

1096
01:13:37.446 --> 01:13:40.791
And I told you that I'm crazy.

1097
01:13:42.285 --> 01:13:43.787
You can't out-crazy me.

1098
01:13:43.886 --> 01:13:46.389
My crazy will take your crazy,
shove it in a metal tube,

1099
01:13:46.455 --> 01:13:48.435
fill it with rats, then blowtorch it

1100
01:13:48.524 --> 01:13:51.698
until the rats have no way to escape
except eating their way through your crazy.

1101
01:13:52.862 --> 01:13:55.274
Wow. You are oblivious
to the avalanche of insanity

1102
01:13:55.364 --> 01:13:56.468
I am about to unload.

1103
01:13:56.565 --> 01:13:57.942
You don't know what I will do to you!

1104
01:13:58.034 --> 01:13:59.536
You don't know what I'll do to you!

1105
01:13:59.602 --> 01:14:02.947
I will spin around until I throw up on you
and your friends.

1106
01:14:03.039 --> 01:14:04.450
I simply don't care!

1107
01:14:04.540 --> 01:14:07.578
I'll stick your face in maple syrup
and make you sing gospel!

1108
01:14:07.643 --> 01:14:09.122
How does that blow your hair back, Blart?

1109
01:14:09.211 --> 01:14:12.249
I will crawl inside you
and lay eggs like a baby spider!

1110
01:14:12.315 --> 01:14:13.385
I welcome it!

1111
01:14:13.449 --> 01:14:15.087
I've got two different colored eyes!

1112
01:14:15.151 --> 01:14:16.425
Shows you how I live my fife!

1113
01:14:16.485 --> 01:14:18.931
I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight,

1114
01:14:18.988 --> 01:14:21.229
because that's the way I was brought up!

1115
01:14:22.925 --> 01:14:24.461
Okay, you lost me on that last one.

1116
01:14:24.560 --> 01:14:26.665
Because that's how crazy I am!

1117
01:14:26.762 --> 01:14:28.002
Now, give me back my daughter!

1118
01:14:28.097 --> 01:14:29.508
Give me my painting!

1119
01:14:38.240 --> 01:14:39.920
Pick it up. Pick it up before he ruins it.

1120
01:14:41.510 --> 01:14:42.750
Get back!

1121
01:14:48.317 --> 01:14:51.491
Did you honestly think
that I was gonna be thwarted

1122
01:14:51.587 --> 01:14:55.763
by some sweaty,
sluggish non-entity like yourself?

1123
01:14:56.158 --> 01:14:57.694
"Non-entity."

1124
01:14:57.927 --> 01:15:01.874
See, I knew you couldn't be trusted,
so I took out an insurance policy.

1125
01:15:02.665 --> 01:15:06.374
Allow me to introduce you
to a few of my associates.

1126
01:15:06.702 --> 01:15:08.113
Gino Chizetti,

1127
01:15:08.170 --> 01:15:10.844
Staten Island Industrial Complex.

1128
01:15:11.173 --> 01:15:13.016
Saul Gundermutt,

1129
01:15:13.109 --> 01:15:15.680
Philadelphia Farmers' Market.

1130
01:15:15.978 --> 01:15:17.616
Khan Mubi,

1131
01:15:17.680 --> 01:15:19.523
King's Landing Walmart.

1132
01:15:20.149 --> 01:15:22.026
And last but not least,

1133
01:15:22.118 --> 01:15:25.725
Donna Ericone, Mall of freaking America.

1134
01:15:33.496 --> 01:15:35.134
You got to... You got to fan out, guys.

1135
01:15:35.564 --> 01:15:36.668
He can't see you.

1136
01:15:36.732 --> 01:15:38.370
Fan it out, fan it out.

1137
01:15:39.735 --> 01:15:41.510
You have your own superhero.

1138
01:15:41.570 --> 01:15:42.674
What's with the cape?

1139
01:15:44.740 --> 01:15:46.060
Why are you wearing a cape, Khan?

1140
01:15:46.142 --> 01:15:47.746
I came straight from a haircut.

1141
01:15:51.514 --> 01:15:53.187
Vincent, you just don't get it, do you?

1142
01:15:54.150 --> 01:15:56.562
Fool me once, shame on you.

1143
01:15:56.652 --> 01:15:59.064
Fool me twice, shame on me.

1144
01:15:59.155 --> 01:16:00.395
Are you sure about that?

1145
01:16:00.489 --> 01:16:03.163
You see, I have a little
insurance policy of my own.

1146
01:16:12.701 --> 01:16:15.045
See, I thought I took all of you out, what...

1147
01:16:16.605 --> 01:16:19.176
Non-lethal. I get it now.

1148
01:16:21.277 --> 01:16:22.585
Shame on you.

1149
01:16:38.894 --> 01:16:42.432
We are trained to detect, deter,
observe, and report.

1150
01:16:42.531 --> 01:16:46.775
But one day, six years ago,
a man did more than that.

1151
01:16:46.869 --> 01:16:49.975
And I am that man!

1152
01:16:50.873 --> 01:16:53.717
We are that man!

1153
01:16:54.276 --> 01:16:55.812
And so I say to you, sir...

1154
01:16:57.046 --> 01:16:58.491
Foot Locker!

1155
01:17:02.485 --> 01:17:04.226
Give me the gun. Finish them. Go!

1156
01:17:04.553 --> 01:17:05.713
There's a lip on that carpet.

1157
01:17:05.721 --> 01:17:08.668
Someone's gonna have to call that in,
get that changed, okay?

1158
01:17:09.091 --> 01:17:11.071
Foot Locker!

1159
01:17:48.264 --> 01:17:49.436
Dad!

1160
01:17:57.339 --> 01:17:58.943
I'm going to the helipad!

1161
01:18:36.579 --> 01:18:38.923
Saul! Help me! Help me!

1162
01:18:42.184 --> 01:18:43.322
Get back here.

1163
01:19:36.905 --> 01:19:38.543
What? What?

1164
01:19:54.890 --> 01:19:57.393
- Oh, no - You couldn't stay
out of the way, could you?

1165
01:19:57.459 --> 01:19:59.564
Eduardo. I knew you were part of this.

1166
01:19:59.828 --> 01:20:02.069
How is it a man like you
could win the heart

1167
01:20:02.431 --> 01:20:03.808
of a woman like Divina?

1168
01:20:04.166 --> 01:20:06.271
What are you taking about?
My daughter's been kidnapped!

1169
01:20:06.335 --> 01:20:07.405
- Come on, man!
- Look!

1170
01:20:12.808 --> 01:20:14.088
We'll never get to them on time.

1171
01:20:15.477 --> 01:20:18.253
Hey, Blart.
I heard you need a little backup.

1172
01:20:18.414 --> 01:20:21.759
Fun fact for you,
there's no helipad up here.

1173
01:20:21.917 --> 01:20:23.692
But there is over there.

1174
01:20:34.096 --> 01:20:35.200
Got it.

1175
01:20:36.765 --> 01:20:38.108
We don't have much time.

1176
01:20:38.600 --> 01:20:40.602
- Thanks, Nick.
- No hard feelings.

1177
01:20:52.348 --> 01:20:54.294
Hold on, Paul!

1178
01:20:54.350 --> 01:20:56.193
Oh, boy.

1179
01:21:02.124 --> 01:21:04.126
Do not look down!

1180
01:21:05.627 --> 01:21:07.004
Don't look up, either!

1181
01:21:10.199 --> 01:21:11.644
Knot jump!

1182
01:21:13.902 --> 01:21:15.176
Coming in hot!

1183
01:21:24.046 --> 01:21:25.491
Dad. Come on.

1184
01:21:28.183 --> 01:21:29.184
Hey!

1185
01:21:32.821 --> 01:21:35.563
You finish loading. I'll finish this.

1186
01:22:09.892 --> 01:22:11.200
Up you go, missy.

1187
01:22:13.862 --> 01:22:16.206
All right, guys. Who took my show hair?

1188
01:22:16.899 --> 01:22:18.708
I think Maya's just seen her future.

1189
01:22:21.303 --> 01:22:22.782
Nice punch.

1190
01:22:23.272 --> 01:22:24.580
Now, don't move.

1191
01:22:27.876 --> 01:22:29.446
You don't move.

1192
01:22:34.917 --> 01:22:37.761
Looks like we got ourselves
a sticky situation.

1193
01:22:43.826 --> 01:22:46.238
That doesn't sound like something
that can be fixed here.

1194
01:22:46.295 --> 01:22:47.831
- You done?
- I am.

1195
01:22:48.096 --> 01:22:49.097
Great. So am I.

1196
01:23:07.082 --> 01:23:08.823
Oatmeal!

1197
01:23:20.429 --> 01:23:22.773
Always bet on Blart.

1198
01:23:25.467 --> 01:23:26.707
Dad!

1199
01:23:29.605 --> 01:23:32.950
<i>So Paul Blart hadn't
officially peaked after all.</i>

1200
01:23:33.976 --> 01:23:36.479
<i>Eduardo and I got past our differences.</i>

1201
01:23:36.545 --> 01:23:39.526
<i>I told him that if he ever wanted to go
where the real action was,</i>

1202
01:23:39.615 --> 01:23:42.687
<i>there would always be a job for him
at the West Orange Pavilion Mall.</i>

1203
01:23:42.985 --> 01:23:44.123
Officer Blart.

1204
01:23:45.721 --> 01:23:47.632
<i>He turned me down immediately.</i>

1205
01:23:48.323 --> 01:23:50.166
<i>But I did get to meet the man himself...</i>

1206
01:23:50.225 --> 01:23:51.225
Mr Wynn.

1207
01:23:51.293 --> 01:23:54.331
<i>...who was appreciative
that I saved his art collection.</i>

1208
01:23:55.130 --> 01:23:56.541
<i>Very appreciative.</i>

1209
01:23:57.199 --> 01:23:58.644
Holy crawfish!

1210
01:23:59.835 --> 01:24:03.373
<i>With all things going my way,
I figured it was time to make a decision</i>

1211
01:24:03.472 --> 01:24:05.713
<i>that would change my life forever.</i>

1212
01:24:05.807 --> 01:24:06.877
Paul?

1213
01:24:07.543 --> 01:24:08.715
You...

1214
01:24:09.077 --> 01:24:10.556
- Look at me now.
- Yeah, okay.

1215
01:24:10.646 --> 01:24:12.717
You are a fearless man,

1216
01:24:13.482 --> 01:24:15.826
a loving father, a strange,

1217
01:24:16.218 --> 01:24:17.720
misshapen superhero.

1218
01:24:17.819 --> 01:24:20.197
- Thank you.
- And my heart is yours.

1219
01:24:20.255 --> 01:24:21.700
Okay, Divina, listen very intently.

1220
01:24:22.691 --> 01:24:25.433
Some people think that holding on
is what makes one strong.

1221
01:24:25.994 --> 01:24:27.564
But in reality,

1222
01:24:28.430 --> 01:24:31.001
our only power is in letting go.

1223
01:24:31.600 --> 01:24:33.045
But I love...

1224
01:24:33.669 --> 01:24:35.205
That's just it.

1225
01:24:35.671 --> 01:24:39.209
See, it's easy to fall in love,
but hard to find someone to catch you.

1226
01:24:39.274 --> 01:24:40.514
Besides,

1227
01:24:41.043 --> 01:24:42.113
you don't love me.

1228
01:24:42.844 --> 01:24:45.188
- But I...
- What you love is the mystery.

1229
01:24:45.247 --> 01:24:46.749
That's all I am to you.

1230
01:24:46.848 --> 01:24:48.691
You know, I'm a lone cowboy.

1231
01:24:48.750 --> 01:24:50.229
A renegade.

1232
01:24:50.285 --> 01:24:51.855
A Rocky Mountain steed.

1233
01:24:53.422 --> 01:24:56.631
But truth be told, Divina,
I'm none of those things.

1234
01:24:57.759 --> 01:24:59.397
I'm a simple man.

1235
01:25:00.028 --> 01:25:02.770
Now, the qualities you seek, they're in him.

1236
01:25:03.799 --> 01:25:06.609
That man, sitting right over there. That man,

1237
01:25:07.135 --> 01:25:09.581
just longing to catch...
He's crying right now, isn't he?

1238
01:25:09.871 --> 01:25:11.248
Yep, he's crying.

1239
01:25:11.540 --> 01:25:13.042
That's a full-on cry.

1240
01:25:14.543 --> 01:25:16.614
But he's the real deal, Divina.

1241
01:25:16.712 --> 01:25:19.283
He swung in on a rope
like a knight in shining armor,

1242
01:25:19.381 --> 01:25:22.055
and he rescued my daughter and me,
and he loves you.

1243
01:25:22.618 --> 01:25:24.120
Now, go to him.

1244
01:25:24.953 --> 01:25:26.057
Go.

1245
01:25:28.890 --> 01:25:30.392
You're right.

1246
01:25:30.792 --> 01:25:32.897
But don't kid yourself, Paw Blart.

1247
01:25:33.261 --> 01:25:35.571
You are a Rocky Mountain steed.

1248
01:25:45.841 --> 01:25:47.252
That actually felt really good.

1249
01:25:49.411 --> 01:25:51.413
I might have made a colossal mistake.

1250
01:25:51.847 --> 01:25:52.917
Colossal.

1251
01:25:52.981 --> 01:25:54.585
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1252
01:25:54.650 --> 01:25:58.928
<i>to commemorate his long career
of undying loyalty,</i>

1253
01:25:59.254 --> 01:26:01.700
<i>honor, and acts of heroism,</i>

1254
01:26:02.257 --> 01:26:04.760
<i>above and beyond the call of duty,</i>

1255
01:26:05.027 --> 01:26:06.028
<i>twice,</i>

1256
01:26:06.128 --> 01:26:11.544
<i>the Security Officers Trade Association
is proud to bestow on Officer Paul Blart</i>

1257
01:26:11.633 --> 01:26:12.976
<i>its highest</i>

1258
01:26:13.035 --> 01:26:15.276
<i>and, really, only award,</i>

1259
01:26:15.337 --> 01:26:17.374
<i>the Safety Medal of Honor.</i>

1260
01:26:19.274 --> 01:26:20.878
<i>The road of life is hard.</i>

1261
01:26:21.376 --> 01:26:25.153
<i>But once you reach [he top,
the view is amazing.</i>

1262
01:26:42.964 --> 01:26:45.706
Look, I've given it a lot of thought.

1263
01:26:46.735 --> 01:26:47.895
And I'm gonna be really happy

1264
01:26:47.969 --> 01:26:50.313
at Central Jersey Applied
Technical Junior College.

1265
01:26:50.739 --> 01:26:52.047
- Really?
- Yeah.

1266
01:26:52.140 --> 01:26:54.051
So they don't have a football team

1267
01:26:54.142 --> 01:26:55.485
or a campus.

1268
01:26:55.544 --> 01:26:56.750
I mean, who cares?

1269
01:26:56.845 --> 01:26:59.655
The last couple of days
really reracked my priorities.

1270
01:26:59.815 --> 01:27:02.318
Well, if you want to stay home
with me and keep me company,

1271
01:27:02.384 --> 01:27:05.854
maybe for a year or two until I get settled,
then I have to say,

1272
01:27:06.321 --> 01:27:07.561
I think you're crazy.

1273
01:27:08.924 --> 01:27:10.699
You're going to UCLA.

1274
01:27:12.494 --> 01:27:14.098
And, besides...

1275
01:27:17.666 --> 01:27:18.906
Holy crawfish!

1276
01:27:19.234 --> 01:27:21.214
That's exactly what I said. I said that.

1277
01:27:27.008 --> 01:27:29.181
Now, go. Have fun.

1278
01:27:31.880 --> 01:27:33.188
Not too much fun.

1279
01:27:38.787 --> 01:27:40.130
All right.

1280
01:27:40.455 --> 01:27:44.562
<i>But as for this renegade,
some of us are meant to ride alone.</i>

1281
01:27:47.629 --> 01:27:49.074
<i>All by my...</i>

1282
01:27:51.099 --> 01:27:53.545
<i>What do we have here?</i>

1283
01:28:15.824 --> 01:28:17.235
- Hey!
- Sorry.

1284
01:28:31.807 --> 01:28:33.150
You know what you just did?

1285
01:28:33.241 --> 01:28:34.811
You jaywalked in a business district, sir.

1286
01:28:34.910 --> 01:28:36.947
Actually, it's "officer."

1287
01:28:39.581 --> 01:28:40.958
I apologize.

1288
01:28:41.016 --> 01:28:44.361
I should've recognized the steely-eyed gaze
of a fellow brother-in-arms.

1289
01:28:48.356 --> 01:28:50.131
You're still giving me a ticket?

1290
01:28:50.192 --> 01:28:51.296
Nope.

1291
01:28:52.160 --> 01:28:53.662
I'm gonna give you my phone number.

1292
01:28:54.863 --> 01:28:57.036
In case you want to grab a drink sometime.

1293
01:28:58.500 --> 01:28:59.535
I don't drink.

1294
01:28:59.968 --> 01:29:01.470
But I do ride!

1295
01:29:09.711 --> 01:29:11.987
- Are you okay?
- Nope.

1296
01:29:13.315 --> 01:29:15.352
But I've never been better.

1297
01:29:17.976 --> 01:29:21.976
<i>~ Synced & COrrected by Dragonborn ~</i>