WEBVTT FILE

1
00:00:05.173 --> 00:00:06.591
Hello.
Hi. Seth?

2
00:00:06.675 --> 00:00:08.134
Yeah?
Hey, there, it's Doug.

3
00:00:08.218 --> 00:00:09.260
Um, I'm sorry.
Doug who?

4
00:00:10.637 --> 00:00:13.932
Doug Harris.
You know, Doug Harris.

5
00:00:14.516 --> 00:00:17.352
"Persian Rug Doug"?
"Chili Cheese Doug"?

6
00:00:17.977 --> 00:00:19.145
"SPF 60"?

7
00:00:19.229 --> 00:00:21.022
Oh, of course, man.

8
00:00:21.106 --> 00:00:22.857
SPF 60,
how are you, brother?

9
00:00:22.941 --> 00:00:24.317
It's been a long time.

10
00:00:24.401 --> 00:00:26.111
I, uh, know we haven't
spoken in a while

11
00:00:26.194 --> 00:00:28.363
but I was actually
calling because

12
00:00:28.446 --> 00:00:30.365
I've actually got
some really great news.

13
00:00:31.116 --> 00:00:34.411
I'm getting married, bud. Wow!
That's amazing. Congratulations.

14
00:00:34.494 --> 00:00:37.288
We're very excited and, in
fact, I'm doubly excited

15
00:00:37.372 --> 00:00:39.207
because I'm calling
to see if maybe

16
00:00:39.290 --> 00:00:41.918
you would want
to be my best man.

17
00:00:46.506 --> 00:00:48.717
<i>Wow. Um, I mean,
this is</i> a <i>little bit awkward.</i>

18
00:00:49.092 --> 00:00:51.594
I feel like
we're not at that level.

19
00:00:51.678 --> 00:00:53.998
It feels like we don't know
each other that well. You know?

20
00:00:54.013 --> 00:00:57.767
No, I don't feel that way.
What about that...

21
00:00:57.851 --> 00:01:00.395
Seth, what about that
weekend in Carlsbad Caverns?

22
00:01:00.478 --> 00:01:02.397
<i>I mean, that was
the 9th grade field trip.</i>

23
00:01:02.480 --> 00:01:03.606
The whole class went.

24
00:01:03.940 --> 00:01:05.108
Can I give you the dates?

25
00:01:05.191 --> 00:01:07.902
Maybe you just want to look into it.

26
00:01:07.986 --> 00:01:09.026
Are you still there, Seth?

27
00:01:09.112 --> 00:01:10.155
I don't know
what to say, Doug.

28
00:01:10.238 --> 00:01:11.656
<i>I mean, I didn't
invite you to my wedding.</i>

29
00:01:11.740 --> 00:01:14.492
That's okay. That's okay.

30
00:01:14.576 --> 00:01:17.036
Yeah, you can't invite
everyone that you want to.

31
00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:19.539
Actually, we did invite
everyone we wanted to.

32
00:01:19.622 --> 00:01:21.458
We had,
like, 400 guests.

33
00:01:21.708 --> 00:01:24.294
Freshman year?
Your roommate?

34
00:01:24.711 --> 00:01:26.880
<i>I heard you died.</i>

35
00:01:26.963 --> 00:01:30.967
No. No, that's Len Brophy.
I'm the other one.

36
00:01:31.050 --> 00:01:33.762
Truth be told, uh, you're the
first person I thought of.

37
00:01:33.845 --> 00:01:34.971
Is that a yes or a no?

38
00:01:35.054 --> 00:01:36.347
Hola, Eduardo.

39
00:01:37.640 --> 00:01:39.225
We're sorry.
You have reached a number

40
00:01:39.309 --> 00:01:40.560
that has been disconnected,

41
00:01:40.643 --> 00:01:42.520
or is no longer in service.

42
00:01:42.604 --> 00:01:45.190
If you feel you have reached
this recording in error,

43
00:01:45.273 --> 00:01:47.473
please check the number and
try your call again.

44
00:01:51.988 --> 00:01:53.156
Ow!

45
00:02:02.874 --> 00:02:04.292
Stephen!

46
00:02:04.375 --> 00:02:06.044
♪ Tonight's the night
♪ Hey!

47
00:02:06.169 --> 00:02:07.921
♪ Let's live it up
♪ Let's live it up

48
00:02:08.046 --> 00:02:09.047
♪ I got my money

49
00:02:09.130 --> 00:02:10.924
Roberta!
♪ Let's spend it up

50
00:02:11.007 --> 00:02:12.008
♪ Let's spend it up

51
00:02:12.050 --> 00:02:13.426
♪ Go out and smash it
♪ Smash it

52
00:02:13.510 --> 00:02:15.053
Stephen!

53
00:02:15.386 --> 00:02:17.347
♪ Jump off that sofa
♪ Come on

54
00:02:17.472 --> 00:02:18.932
♪ Let's get, get off

55
00:02:19.098 --> 00:02:21.434
ls everyone
out of the office?

56
00:02:21.559 --> 00:02:23.061
♪ Maze! tov
♪ L'Chaim

57
00:02:23.144 --> 00:02:24.938
♪ And then
we'll do it again

58
00:02:25.021 --> 00:02:26.314
Timothy!
♪ Let's do it

59
00:02:26.397 --> 00:02:28.149
♪ Let's do it,
let's do it, do it

60
00:02:28.233 --> 00:02:29.567
Somebody!

61
00:02:30.360 --> 00:02:31.861
Help!

62
00:02:31.945 --> 00:02:33.571
♪ And do it,
and do it

63
00:02:33.738 --> 00:02:36.574
I can't feel
my fucking legs!

64
00:02:36.991 --> 00:02:38.868
♪ I gotta feeling

65
00:02:40.912 --> 00:02:44.457
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night

66
00:02:44.541 --> 00:02:48.169
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night

67
00:02:48.419 --> 00:02:52.423
♪ That tonight's gonna be
a good, good night

68
00:02:52.590 --> 00:02:53.842
♪ I gotta feeling

69
00:02:53.925 --> 00:02:55.802
♪ Whoo-hoo

70
00:02:56.010 --> 00:02:59.472
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night

71
00:02:59.722 --> 00:03:03.142
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night

72
00:03:03.476 --> 00:03:07.647
♪ That tonight's gonna be
a good, good night

73
00:03:08.064 --> 00:03:09.315
♪ Tonight's the night

74
00:03:09.774 --> 00:03:11.568
♪ Let's live it up

75
00:03:11.860 --> 00:03:13.444
♪ I got my money

76
00:03:13.570 --> 00:03:14.904
♪ Let's spend it up

77
00:03:15.446 --> 00:03:17.198
♪ Go out and smash it

78
00:03:17.323 --> 00:03:19.117
♪ Like, oh, my God

79
00:03:19.284 --> 00:03:20.994
♪ Jump off that sofa

80
00:03:21.286 --> 00:03:22.954
♪ Let's get, get off!

81
00:03:23.037 --> 00:03:24.664
♪ Fill up my cup

82
00:03:24.998 --> 00:03:26.207
♪ Maze! tov!

83
00:03:26.624 --> 00:03:28.418
♪ Look at her dancing

84
00:03:28.585 --> 00:03:29.586
♪ Just take it

85
00:03:29.669 --> 00:03:30.670
♪ Off!

86
00:03:30.795 --> 00:03:32.213
♪ Let's paint the town

87
00:03:32.589 --> 00:03:33.965
♪ We'll Shut it down

88
00:03:34.090 --> 00:03:35.174
♪ Let's burn the...

89
00:03:35.258 --> 00:03:36.259
♪ Roof!

90
00:03:36.384 --> 00:03:37.802
♪ 'Cause I gotta feeling ♪

91
00:03:44.809 --> 00:03:46.561
You have to know that. Okay.

92
00:03:46.644 --> 00:03:47.979
I ain't lying.

93
00:03:49.063 --> 00:03:52.859
Yeah. I've always been a bit
of a hopeless romantic myself.

94
00:03:53.151 --> 00:03:55.153
If our true match
exists somewhere,

95
00:03:55.236 --> 00:03:57.322
it's our goal in life
to find her.

96
00:03:57.655 --> 00:04:00.074
But, see, Andrew's a bit
more rational than me.

97
00:04:00.158 --> 00:04:02.577
Andrew always believed
that "the one"

98
00:04:02.660 --> 00:04:05.830
was a farce created
by musicians and Hollywood.

99
00:04:06.873 --> 00:04:08.166
Until last December.

100
00:04:08.333 --> 00:04:10.835
Andrew calls my cell phone
and he says,

101
00:04:10.919 --> 00:04:12.128
"Remember all that
stuff I said about"

102
00:04:12.211 --> 00:04:14.923
"there being no such
thing as 'the one'?"

103
00:04:15.048 --> 00:04:17.717
He said, "Well, I was wrong.
Her name is Gina Baker."

104
00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:19.093
"And she doesn't
know this yet,"

105
00:04:19.177 --> 00:04:20.678
"but she's going
to be my wife."

106
00:04:20.803 --> 00:04:21.804
Aw.

107
00:04:21.888 --> 00:04:23.681
And I knew at that moment

108
00:04:23.765 --> 00:04:25.224
that this Gina Baker

109
00:04:25.308 --> 00:04:27.018
was the luckiest girl
in the world.

110
00:04:27.560 --> 00:04:29.896
But after getting to know
you these past few days,

111
00:04:29.979 --> 00:04:32.482
and as I look at
you tonight, Gina,

112
00:04:32.565 --> 00:04:33.733
I know at this moment

113
00:04:33.816 --> 00:04:37.737
that Andrew is the
luckiest guy in the world.

114
00:04:37.820 --> 00:04:40.990
Because I know that you
both have found "the one."

115
00:04:41.157 --> 00:04:42.367
Aw.

116
00:04:43.868 --> 00:04:45.912
Ah. I said I'm not going to do it.

117
00:04:47.121 --> 00:04:49.123
I want to propose a toast.

118
00:04:50.625 --> 00:04:51.960
This is to the groom,

119
00:04:54.337 --> 00:04:55.713
my best friend,

120
00:04:57.048 --> 00:04:59.050
and his beautiful
new bride.

121
00:04:59.217 --> 00:05:00.927
This is to
"happily ever after."

122
00:05:01.010 --> 00:05:02.637
- I love you both.
- Cheers!

123
00:05:06.224 --> 00:05:08.142
- Congrats, man.
- Great speech.

124
00:05:08.226 --> 00:05:09.978
So, are you still
the hopeless romantic?

125
00:05:10.061 --> 00:05:11.854
Well, I wouldn't say
"hopeless."

126
00:05:15.066 --> 00:05:17.110
Hey, can I speak to you for a minute?
Like, two seconds.

127
00:05:17.193 --> 00:05:19.320
Yeah. Uh, I'll be
fightback, babe.

128
00:05:22.073 --> 00:05:23.574
I don't even
know what to say, man.

129
00:05:23.658 --> 00:05:25.868
Did you see their faces?
They were smiling.

130
00:05:25.952 --> 00:05:27.495
Hey, hey!

131
00:05:27.578 --> 00:05:29.455
Man, did you see the beautiful
titties on that girl back there?

132
00:05:29.580 --> 00:05:32.208
I'm trying to tag her ass before she
passes out, so if you could just...

133
00:05:32.291 --> 00:05:35.420
Yeah, sure. Um, your
wig's a little askew.

134
00:05:35.545 --> 00:05:38.006
That's fine. Thank you. Okay.
So, I guess that's it.

135
00:05:38.089 --> 00:05:39.757
You know the rules.
I do. I just thought that...

136
00:05:39.882 --> 00:05:42.260
Thought what? I thought we
maybe hit it off, right?

137
00:05:42.677 --> 00:05:44.762
No. We definitely didn't.
Oh.

138
00:05:44.929 --> 00:05:46.889
You're a great kid, but
unfortunately, a deal is a deal.

139
00:05:46.973 --> 00:05:48.266
There's no contact
after final payment.

140
00:05:48.349 --> 00:05:49.559
I should have
charged you more.

141
00:05:49.642 --> 00:05:51.352
I'm serious, man. You got
the real deal tonight.

142
00:05:51.436 --> 00:05:52.562
I was in the zone, baby.

143
00:05:52.645 --> 00:05:54.272
Yeah, great.
No, we don't do that.

144
00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:55.940
Sure.
Thank you, man.

145
00:05:58.192 --> 00:05:59.944
♪ Easy come
Easy go

146
00:06:00.403 --> 00:06:01.738
After you.

147
00:06:01.946 --> 00:06:03.698
♪ Feel the shot
Body rock

148
00:06:03.781 --> 00:06:05.116
♪ Rock it, don't stop

149
00:06:05.241 --> 00:06:08.202
Where to, boss? Just drive, Otis.
Just drive.

150
00:06:08.911 --> 00:06:10.163
♪ And I'm feeling

151
00:06:10.246 --> 00:06:11.706
♪ Whoo-hoo

152
00:06:12.331 --> 00:06:15.918
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night

153
00:06:16.252 --> 00:06:20.048
♪ That tonight's gonna be
a good, good night

154
00:06:21.507 --> 00:06:23.509
♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

155
00:06:25.970 --> 00:06:27.305
Mom and I
narrowed it down

156
00:06:27.388 --> 00:06:28.806
to the silver tulle
tussie-mussie,

157
00:06:28.931 --> 00:06:31.768
which is an exact replica of
the 1915 Texan Tussie-Mussie.

158
00:06:31.851 --> 00:06:33.436
Or we have our Très Beau

159
00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:35.063
with its goldia
floral etching,

160
00:06:35.146 --> 00:06:37.106
enhanced in
a smoky-silver tone.

161
00:06:37.190 --> 00:06:39.317
Does anyone else feel really
fucking gay right now?

162
00:06:39.442 --> 00:06:41.569
Ed! Let's go with the Très Beau.

163
00:06:41.652 --> 00:06:44.447
Trés Beau tussie-mussie
is fabulous.

164
00:06:45.406 --> 00:06:47.658
Christ, somebody just shoot me.
I'll be outside.

165
00:06:47.742 --> 00:06:50.062
All right, team, can
we all gather around, please?

166
00:06:50.620 --> 00:06:53.331
Okay. I have everything
I need for the bridesmaids,

167
00:06:54.499 --> 00:06:58.419
but I am still missing
the groomsmen's information.

168
00:06:58.503 --> 00:07:01.214
What? Honey, you told me you
spoke to all the groomsmen.

169
00:07:01.506 --> 00:07:03.216
See,
I sent them an email,

170
00:07:03.299 --> 00:07:04.967
but you know how guys are.

171
00:07:05.051 --> 00:07:07.136
They just haven't
responded yet.

172
00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:08.471
Babe, I know
you've been really busy,

173
00:07:08.554 --> 00:07:10.348
but our wedding
is in 10 days.

174
00:07:10.431 --> 00:07:11.474
I mean,
can't your best man

175
00:07:11.557 --> 00:07:12.642
help you with
all of this?

176
00:07:12.809 --> 00:07:17.063
Uh, but you see,
Bic's still in El Salvador.

177
00:07:17.146 --> 00:07:19.732
Well, let's hope he's in LA next week.

178
00:07:20.024 --> 00:07:21.359
Oh, he will be.
Mom.

179
00:07:22.318 --> 00:07:23.611
He'll be there.

180
00:07:23.694 --> 00:07:26.781
Okay, look, why don't I
just contact Mr. Rambis,

181
00:07:26.864 --> 00:07:29.951
Mr. Garvey, Mr. Plunkett,
Mr. Carew,

182
00:07:30.034 --> 00:07:33.538
Mr. Drysdale, Mr. Alzado,
Mr. Dickerson?

183
00:07:34.705 --> 00:07:36.185
I can't breathe.
Mister, are you okay?

184
00:07:36.249 --> 00:07:37.250
Honey.

185
00:07:37.333 --> 00:07:38.376
Honey!

186
00:07:39.502 --> 00:07:41.587
Unless you are
planning to run,

187
00:07:41.921 --> 00:07:45.007
you are backing yourself
into a very tight corner.

188
00:07:45.091 --> 00:07:46.801
I'm not sure I understand
what you're implying.

189
00:07:46.884 --> 00:07:49.470
Three out of seven of your
groomsmen are Hall of Famers.

190
00:07:49.554 --> 00:07:51.305
She'll leave me, I know. You're
not gonna tell her, are you?

191
00:07:51.430 --> 00:07:53.683
She's going to find out soon enough.
Oh, God.

192
00:07:53.766 --> 00:07:55.184
Why didn't you say
something to me before?

193
00:07:55.268 --> 00:07:57.562
I've been on a bullet train
ever since I proposed.

194
00:07:57.687 --> 00:07:59.021
I haven't slept
in months.

195
00:07:59.105 --> 00:08:02.358
I can't keep anything down. I
keep losing weight. I just...

196
00:08:02.567 --> 00:08:04.068
I just want her
to be happy.

197
00:08:04.152 --> 00:08:06.195
The truth
is always the best.

198
00:08:06.279 --> 00:08:08.072
What if the truth
isn't an option?

199
00:08:08.447 --> 00:08:09.657
Well...

200
00:08:10.825 --> 00:08:12.451
There is one other thing.

201
00:08:12.577 --> 00:08:13.911
♪ Oh, babe!

202
00:08:14.078 --> 00:08:16.372
♪ I don't wanna lie

203
00:08:17.081 --> 00:08:19.500
♪ I'm gonna take
what you're giving

204
00:08:20.209 --> 00:08:22.587
♪ 'Cause I know
you're willing

205
00:08:22.753 --> 00:08:24.547
♪ To take me all the way

206
00:08:24.630 --> 00:08:27.592
♪ You got me right here

207
00:08:27.717 --> 00:08:29.552
♪ Combustible

208
00:08:30.094 --> 00:08:33.890
♪ And I can't wait
to finally explode

209
00:08:33.973 --> 00:08:36.392
♪ The big, big bang

210
00:08:36.475 --> 00:08:38.394
♪ The reason I'm alive

211
00:08:38.477 --> 00:08:41.230
Hey, hey! Lou, knock
that shit off, man.

212
00:08:41.314 --> 00:08:42.774
Don't worry about Lou.

213
00:08:42.857 --> 00:08:45.026
He had half his brain
removed two years ago.

214
00:08:45.109 --> 00:08:46.611
Fuck off.
Okay.

215
00:08:47.612 --> 00:08:51.866
Hey, uh, do you know where
I can find the basement?

216
00:08:52.116 --> 00:08:54.869
♪ The big, big bang

217
00:08:54.952 --> 00:08:57.371
♪ The reason I'm alive

218
00:08:57.455 --> 00:08:59.665
♪ When all the stars collide

219
00:08:59.749 --> 00:09:02.251
♪ In this universe inside

220
00:09:02.501 --> 00:09:04.462
♪ The big, big bang

221
00:09:06.714 --> 00:09:08.174
♪ Oh, babe ♪

222
00:09:09.634 --> 00:09:10.968
May I help you?

223
00:09:11.052 --> 00:09:12.845
Hi. Yeah.

224
00:09:12.929 --> 00:09:15.181
Yeah, um, I'm looking
for Jimmy Callahan.

225
00:09:15.264 --> 00:09:16.891
Who sent you? The Goose?

226
00:09:16.974 --> 00:09:19.060
No. Um, Edmundo.
Ah.

227
00:09:19.685 --> 00:09:21.938
Welcome to
The Best Man Inc.

228
00:09:22.146 --> 00:09:23.689
♪ It's a beautiful night

229
00:09:23.940 --> 00:09:26.859
♪ We're looking for
something dumb to do

230
00:09:27.985 --> 00:09:30.112
♪ Hey, Baby

231
00:09:30.238 --> 00:09:32.657
♪ I think I wanna marry you.

232
00:09:33.741 --> 00:09:36.410
♪ Just say I do

233
00:09:40.748 --> 00:09:43.626
♪ Tell me right now, baby

234
00:09:43.751 --> 00:09:44.877
♪ I think I wanna marry
you ♪

235
00:09:45.378 --> 00:09:48.506
So, Edmundo sent you
to come find the Oracle.

236
00:09:48.589 --> 00:09:49.632
What can I do for you?

237
00:09:49.674 --> 00:09:51.926
Hi. Yeah, I guess I do have
a few questions. Mmm-hmm.

238
00:09:52.843 --> 00:09:54.845
Um, what exactly
do you do?

239
00:09:55.221 --> 00:09:57.181
I provide best man
services for guys

240
00:09:57.265 --> 00:09:59.475
like yourself who
lack in such areas.

241
00:10:00.268 --> 00:10:01.769
So, I'm not alone?

242
00:10:01.852 --> 00:10:04.572
Alone? No. I run a very profitable
business because of guys like you.

243
00:10:04.689 --> 00:10:05.898
Here's a fun fact for you.

244
00:10:05.982 --> 00:10:07.400
A kid goes to
Cornell University.

245
00:10:07.483 --> 00:10:09.110
He obviously has way too
much time on his hands.

246
00:10:09.193 --> 00:10:10.611
He recently confirmed
the number

247
00:10:10.695 --> 00:10:12.321
of real friends
the average American has.

248
00:10:12.405 --> 00:10:13.572
That means we're
not talking about

249
00:10:13.656 --> 00:10:14.907
the phony
Facebook friends here.

250
00:10:14.991 --> 00:10:15.950
We're talking
about the friends

251
00:10:16.033 --> 00:10:17.201
who know where
your porn stash is.

252
00:10:17.285 --> 00:10:19.829
That number has dropped from
three to two since 1985.

253
00:10:20.162 --> 00:10:22.206
Really?
I don't have any.

254
00:10:22.290 --> 00:10:25.126
How many weddings do you think
were in the US last year?

255
00:10:25.334 --> 00:10:26.794
Four hundred and fifty...

256
00:10:26.877 --> 00:10:29.130
2.4 million.
Four million.

257
00:10:29.213 --> 00:10:31.215
That means there were
2.4 million grooms.

258
00:10:31.382 --> 00:10:33.009
Do you think that each and
every single one of them

259
00:10:33.092 --> 00:10:34.802
has somebody
to be their best man?

260
00:10:34.885 --> 00:10:36.971
Wow. I never knew
people like you existed.

261
00:10:37.054 --> 00:10:38.054
I'm like an angel.

262
00:10:38.139 --> 00:10:39.390
I'm only there when you need me to be.

263
00:10:39.515 --> 00:10:41.767
Excuse me. You got to
get going, Jimmy.

264
00:10:41.851 --> 00:10:43.769
Beth Shalom, right?
Beth Yirmeyahu.

265
00:10:43.853 --> 00:10:44.937
I don't understand
why they do these things

266
00:10:45.021 --> 00:10:46.581
in the middle of traffic.
It's annoying.

267
00:10:46.647 --> 00:10:48.357
So, what did you
tell your fiancée?

268
00:10:48.441 --> 00:10:50.484
I, uh, told her that
I have a best man lined up.

269
00:10:50.609 --> 00:10:52.945
You gave her the old Norton Winchell, huh?
I did what now?

270
00:10:53.070 --> 00:10:54.905
The Norton Winchell. It's
the imaginary-friend covet

271
00:10:54.989 --> 00:10:56.469
It's an amateur move,
but it's common.

272
00:10:56.490 --> 00:10:58.010
What about your parents?
They in on it?

273
00:10:58.075 --> 00:10:59.243
Oh, you don't have to
worry about them.

274
00:10:59.327 --> 00:11:00.828
Why, they protesting
the marriage?

275
00:11:00.911 --> 00:11:03.247
No, they passed away several years ago.
That's perfect.

276
00:11:03.748 --> 00:11:05.082
Is this a large wedding
or a small wedding?

277
00:11:05.166 --> 00:11:06.208
Large.

278
00:11:06.292 --> 00:11:07.793
Social or family?
Social.

279
00:11:07.877 --> 00:11:09.337
Hancock Park,
Bel Air, Palisades?

280
00:11:09.420 --> 00:11:10.880
Downtown,
Millennium Biltmore.

281
00:11:10.963 --> 00:11:12.506
All right. Let's go
over some of my packages.

282
00:11:12.590 --> 00:11:14.550
If you're looking for
a basic Single Wing Ringman,

283
00:11:14.592 --> 00:11:15.634
that's where
I'm your best man,

284
00:11:15.718 --> 00:11:16.927
I attend your wedding
for the full day.

285
00:11:17.053 --> 00:11:18.429
Okay. If you need something
a little more involved,

286
00:11:18.512 --> 00:11:20.431
where I participate in all the
festivities for the weekend,

287
00:11:20.514 --> 00:11:22.350
then you're talking
about a Bronze Bow Tie.

288
00:11:22.433 --> 00:11:23.713
Now, if you've got
real problems,

289
00:11:23.768 --> 00:11:25.061
what you need
is a Silver Cuff Link.

290
00:11:25.144 --> 00:11:26.687
Now, that includes everything
in the Bronze Bow Tie

291
00:11:26.771 --> 00:11:27.855
plus an additional
three groomsmen

292
00:11:27.938 --> 00:11:29.138
to balance out
the bridesmaids.

293
00:11:29.148 --> 00:11:30.524
For an extra
thousand dollars,

294
00:11:30.608 --> 00:11:31.942
I'll throw you a bachelor
party to your liking.

295
00:11:32.193 --> 00:11:33.903
How are you looking on groomsmen?
Not good at all.

296
00:11:33.986 --> 00:11:35.988
Not good as in
you need one or two?

297
00:11:36.072 --> 00:11:37.406
I need seven.

298
00:11:37.740 --> 00:11:40.534
You need seven groomsmen?
I do.

299
00:11:40.618 --> 00:11:42.870
Do you have any idea
what you're asking for?

300
00:11:42.953 --> 00:11:44.955
You're asking me to
pull off a Golden Tux.

301
00:11:45.081 --> 00:11:46.874
Yeah. See, I don't see that
on this pamphlet here.

302
00:11:46.957 --> 00:11:48.125
It's not on the pamphlet.

303
00:11:48.209 --> 00:11:49.489
Because what you're
talking about

304
00:11:49.502 --> 00:11:50.961
is what we joke
about around here.

305
00:11:51.045 --> 00:11:53.881
That's a laugh. "Hey, we should
try to do a Golden Tux."

306
00:11:55.007 --> 00:11:56.675
Too many moving parts.
Too many things can go wrong.

307
00:11:56.801 --> 00:11:57.885
No. But there's a name for it.

308
00:11:57.968 --> 00:11:59.637
There's also a name for a horse
with a horn on its head.

309
00:11:59.720 --> 00:12:01.472
It's called a unicorn. It
doesn't mean I can get you one.

310
00:12:01.680 --> 00:12:03.599
She will leave me.
I need your help.

311
00:12:03.682 --> 00:12:05.559
You're talking about
unchartered territory.

312
00:12:05.643 --> 00:12:07.853
No one's ever asked me
to pull off a Golden Tux.

313
00:12:07.937 --> 00:12:09.605
And in less
than two weeks?

314
00:12:09.688 --> 00:12:12.650
I have a nice job,
I have a real nice business.

315
00:12:12.733 --> 00:12:14.026
I don't need this
kind of pressure, man.

316
00:12:14.110 --> 00:12:16.779
I don't care how much it costs.
I need a Golden Tux!

317
00:12:21.158 --> 00:12:22.701
Are you sure
she's worth it?

318
00:12:22.910 --> 00:12:25.913
A guy like me doesn't
land a girl like her.

319
00:12:25.996 --> 00:12:28.207
So, I lied about having
a bunch of friends.

320
00:12:28.290 --> 00:12:30.084
I thought it would
make me look cool.

321
00:12:30.209 --> 00:12:31.794
Never did I think
she would like me,

322
00:12:31.877 --> 00:12:33.421
let alone agree
to marry me.

323
00:12:33.587 --> 00:12:36.215
I am marrying a girl
who, all my life,

324
00:12:36.298 --> 00:12:38.217
I never would have thought
would have looked at me twice.

325
00:12:38.300 --> 00:12:39.885
And I am marrying her.

326
00:12:41.178 --> 00:12:43.764
What's a little white lie
in the face of that?

327
00:12:45.433 --> 00:12:48.811
Please help me. I don't
know what else to do.

328
00:12:50.855 --> 00:12:52.440
I love this girl.

329
00:12:56.944 --> 00:12:58.028
I'm late.
Come on, get in the car.

330
00:12:58.112 --> 00:12:59.196
Really?

331
00:12:59.321 --> 00:13:00.990
Yeah.
Should I follow you...

332
00:13:01.073 --> 00:13:02.116
No, get in my car.
Come on.

333
00:13:02.199 --> 00:13:03.200
And you'll drop
me off back here...

334
00:13:03.242 --> 00:13:04.785
Will you just get in the
damn car, please? Okay.

335
00:13:04.869 --> 00:13:06.954
I'm late, man.
God damn it.

336
00:13:07.037 --> 00:13:08.497
Fucking white people.

337
00:13:10.708 --> 00:13:12.668
Now, at this time,
I would like to bring up

338
00:13:12.918 --> 00:13:15.963
Stuart's best friend
to say a few words.

339
00:13:25.473 --> 00:13:26.724
Just five short years ago,

340
00:13:26.807 --> 00:13:28.767
when I spoke at
Stuart's wedding,

341
00:13:29.059 --> 00:13:30.561
I never expected

342
00:13:30.644 --> 00:13:32.438
to be speaking
at his funeral so soon.

343
00:13:33.939 --> 00:13:35.524
As the only Ethiopian Jew

344
00:13:35.608 --> 00:13:37.943
at A.J. Wilson High School,

345
00:13:38.027 --> 00:13:39.695
I was bullied quite often.

346
00:13:40.029 --> 00:13:42.531
I remember one time when
these kids took my lunch

347
00:13:42.615 --> 00:13:43.949
and spilled it
all over my lap.

348
00:13:45.075 --> 00:13:46.395
After they did it,
they started to

349
00:13:46.452 --> 00:13:48.078
call me mean names.

350
00:13:48.245 --> 00:13:50.581
Some of them even
called me Pupil Jew-Jew.

351
00:13:50.664 --> 00:13:52.833
Because they said when they turned
the lights out in the hallway,

352
00:13:52.917 --> 00:13:54.168
all they could see
was my eye pupils.

353
00:13:54.251 --> 00:13:55.920
"Pupil Jew-Jew."

354
00:13:56.045 --> 00:13:57.671
"Here comes Pupil Jew-Jew."

355
00:13:57.922 --> 00:13:59.131
Some of them
even did awful

356
00:13:59.215 --> 00:14:01.509
Sammy Davis Jr.
Impressions to my face.

357
00:14:01.967 --> 00:14:04.845
"Sha boing boing,
you black Jew-Jew."

358
00:14:05.137 --> 00:14:06.847
I was covered
in sloppy Joe

359
00:14:06.931 --> 00:14:08.599
and mashed potatoes
and vegetable medley.

360
00:14:09.058 --> 00:14:11.101
And, uh, I look up,

361
00:14:13.479 --> 00:14:15.272
and I see Stu.

362
00:14:15.356 --> 00:14:18.943
He was standing there
with a handful of napkins.

363
00:14:19.318 --> 00:14:21.028
And a smile on his face

364
00:14:21.111 --> 00:14:23.280
as if to say, "Everything
was going to be okay."

365
00:14:23.614 --> 00:14:26.283
Stuart may have gone to that
big Shabbat in the sky,

366
00:14:26.367 --> 00:14:27.660
but he's still with us.

367
00:14:28.702 --> 00:14:30.871
He's up there
making sad angels laugh

368
00:14:30.955 --> 00:14:32.998
and he's giving
hopeless angels hope.

369
00:14:33.082 --> 00:14:34.583
And he's giving
small, little, black,

370
00:14:34.667 --> 00:14:36.835
Jewish angels with
a face full of corn

371
00:14:37.211 --> 00:14:40.381
a handful of napkins
and a smile

372
00:14:40.464 --> 00:14:42.633
that says everything
is going to be okay.

373
00:14:50.683 --> 00:14:52.226
I am so, so sorry.

374
00:14:52.309 --> 00:14:53.978
I mean, I had no idea.

375
00:14:54.061 --> 00:14:55.396
This could have
easily waited.

376
00:14:55.479 --> 00:14:56.480
Man, don't worry
about it.

377
00:14:56.605 --> 00:14:59.608
All those things that you said about
him, those incredible things.

378
00:14:59.733 --> 00:15:01.819
He really sounds like a great guy.
Who, Reinsdorf?

379
00:15:01.902 --> 00:15:03.279
Reinsdorf was
a piece of shit.

380
00:15:03.362 --> 00:15:05.197
If I end up doing
a Golden Tux for you,

381
00:15:05.281 --> 00:15:07.361
I'll say nice
things at your funeral, too.

382
00:15:10.160 --> 00:15:11.800
Shit, for another
100 bucks, I'll throw in

383
00:15:11.829 --> 00:15:13.372
holiday cards,
birthday calls,

384
00:15:13.455 --> 00:15:15.249
and if you croak within seven
years of said wedding...

385
00:15:15.332 --> 00:15:16.417
You're serious?

386
00:15:16.500 --> 00:15:17.543
Serious as paint.

387
00:15:17.626 --> 00:15:18.877
If I do this,
you need to understand

388
00:15:18.961 --> 00:15:20.421
this is strictly
a business relationship.

389
00:15:20.504 --> 00:15:21.839
Right. You're not
buying a new friend.

390
00:15:21.922 --> 00:15:23.340
You're hiring a best man.
Got it.

391
00:15:23.465 --> 00:15:24.883
Clients sometimes
blur that line.

392
00:15:24.967 --> 00:15:25.926
I'm not looking
for a friend.

393
00:15:26.010 --> 00:15:27.130
I am looking for a best man.

394
00:15:27.678 --> 00:15:28.846
50 grand.
Done.

395
00:15:28.929 --> 00:15:29.972
Plus expenses.
You got it.

396
00:15:30.055 --> 00:15:31.557
Who's officiating?
Father O'Brien.

397
00:15:31.682 --> 00:15:33.350
I never heard of him.
Her family's priest.

398
00:15:33.684 --> 00:15:35.477
What's my name?
Jimmy.

399
00:15:35.561 --> 00:15:37.938
No, my name. I'm assuming you made
up a name for me. What is it?

400
00:15:38.022 --> 00:15:39.189
Oh, I thought it was
a trick question.

401
00:15:39.273 --> 00:15:40.816
It's Bic. Bic Mitchum.

402
00:15:41.525 --> 00:15:43.277
Do I wear a fucking cape?
Bic Mitchum?

403
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:44.486
It was an act
of desperation.

404
00:15:44.570 --> 00:15:45.946
Bic. Hey, ladies,
what's going on?

405
00:15:46.030 --> 00:15:47.781
My name is Bic and I got the dick.

406
00:15:47.865 --> 00:15:49.366
What's happening right now?
I'm Bic Mitchum.

407
00:15:49.450 --> 00:15:50.743
Hey, you put that down

408
00:15:50.826 --> 00:15:52.119
and if someone
asks you who said it,

409
00:15:52.202 --> 00:15:53.621
you tell them
Bic Mitchum said it.

410
00:15:53.704 --> 00:15:55.497
What do you mean that
there's no more candy?

411
00:15:55.581 --> 00:15:57.541
I'm Bic Mitchum
and I love candy.

412
00:15:57.833 --> 00:16:00.419
I'm Bic. Where's the pussy at?
What?

413
00:16:00.502 --> 00:16:01.670
Fuck you!
Wait.

414
00:16:01.754 --> 00:16:03.839
Fuck you, man!
No, Bic can't have these...

415
00:16:03.922 --> 00:16:06.300
Bic Mitchum can have
whatever the fuck he wants!

416
00:16:06.675 --> 00:16:08.510
Bic, Bic, Bic.

417
00:16:08.594 --> 00:16:10.429
All right. I like it.

418
00:16:10.763 --> 00:16:12.056
Doug Harris,
congratulations.

419
00:16:12.139 --> 00:16:13.390
Allow me
to introduce myself.

420
00:16:13.474 --> 00:16:14.767
My name is Bic Mitchum.

421
00:16:14.850 --> 00:16:15.976
I'm your new best man.

422
00:16:17.019 --> 00:16:18.312
It's great to
finally meet you.

423
00:16:18.395 --> 00:16:19.647
No, that's bullshit, Doug.

424
00:16:19.730 --> 00:16:21.398
"It's great to
see you again, man."

425
00:16:23.359 --> 00:16:24.568
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

426
00:16:24.652 --> 00:16:25.819
Yo, what are you
doing, man?

427
00:16:25.903 --> 00:16:28.113
Yo, what the fuck are you doing?
What are you doing?

428
00:16:28.197 --> 00:16:30.449
I'm sorry.
I just got really excited.

429
00:16:30.532 --> 00:16:32.159
God damn it, man.

430
00:16:32.451 --> 00:16:33.494
What do we do now?

431
00:16:33.577 --> 00:16:35.120
You go get some rest.

432
00:16:35.204 --> 00:16:36.330
Take care of them bags
under your eyes.

433
00:16:36.413 --> 00:16:37.623
Stop hugging strangers.

434
00:16:37.790 --> 00:16:39.958
God created the world
in seven days.

435
00:16:40.042 --> 00:16:41.922
I got to do a whole lot
more in a lot less time.

436
00:16:42.086 --> 00:16:44.296
I got to go find you
some damn friends.

437
00:16:44.421 --> 00:16:46.006
Just keep your eye on the
ball, you little fucker.

438
00:16:46.090 --> 00:16:47.591
And you're sure I'll get laid?
Yes.

439
00:16:47.675 --> 00:16:48.842
Because I haven't gotten
any since I got out.

440
00:16:48.926 --> 00:16:51.261
You'll crush ass. Seven bridesmaids.
Biltmore.

441
00:16:51.345 --> 00:16:54.181
Seven? I want seven vaginas up on my face.
Do you guarantee that?

442
00:16:54.264 --> 00:16:56.767
I can't guarantee that, but I'm
quite sure that they will want you.

443
00:16:56.850 --> 00:16:59.144
It's you!
Look at you. Come on.

444
00:16:59.228 --> 00:17:00.521
My mom isn't
paying you to talk

445
00:17:00.604 --> 00:17:01.772
to your loser friends.

446
00:17:01.855 --> 00:17:02.898
Loser?

447
00:17:03.899 --> 00:17:05.067
Oh!

448
00:17:05.275 --> 00:17:06.318
Don't talk to
Jimmy like that.

449
00:17:06.402 --> 00:17:07.778
Hey, what are you
doing, Fitz?

450
00:17:07.861 --> 00:17:10.197
I'll murder your family!
Turn it off.

451
00:17:10.698 --> 00:17:13.367
Brentwood? Biltmore.
Hal Lane Orchestra.

452
00:17:13.492 --> 00:17:16.412
Oh, man. Hal Lane is the best.
I know.

453
00:17:16.495 --> 00:17:18.539
Hurry up and finish the van.
I'm hungry.

454
00:17:18.622 --> 00:17:19.665
Okay, I'll be right there.

455
00:17:19.873 --> 00:17:21.542
Look, Jimmy,
I'd love to help you out,

456
00:17:21.625 --> 00:17:23.293
but I promised Marci
I'd get out of the game.

457
00:17:23.377 --> 00:17:24.586
Her old man hooked
me up with this job.

458
00:17:24.670 --> 00:17:26.380
Job? What job?
Washing the damn van?

459
00:17:26.463 --> 00:17:28.173
I'm an apprentice.
I just take care of the van

460
00:17:28.257 --> 00:17:29.925
while I learn to plumb.

461
00:17:30.008 --> 00:17:32.219
Stop. You look at me now and tell
me that you don't want back in.

462
00:17:32.302 --> 00:17:34.179
Where the heck did
you put the salad dressing,

463
00:17:34.263 --> 00:17:35.764
you fat idiot?

464
00:17:37.057 --> 00:17:40.310
Yeah, arms up. All right,
turn around, girl.

465
00:17:40.394 --> 00:17:42.646
Damn. You're trying
to smuggle

466
00:17:42.730 --> 00:17:44.148
some extra ass on the
flight, aren't you?

467
00:17:44.231 --> 00:17:45.232
Isn't that what
you're doing?

468
00:17:45.315 --> 00:17:46.525
Go on, girl.
You're good.

469
00:17:46.608 --> 00:17:47.943
Have a nice flight.
Ooh!

470
00:17:48.110 --> 00:17:49.987
Come on, man. You're
better than this, Reggie.

471
00:17:50.070 --> 00:17:51.447
Who's catering this gig?
Puck.

472
00:17:51.488 --> 00:17:53.907
Wolfgang? No, Hockey Puck, idiot.
'Yes, Wolfgang.

473
00:17:54.032 --> 00:17:55.659
The only thing they've got
in this place is Cinnabon.

474
00:17:55.993 --> 00:17:57.911
I've been eating
Cinnabon for breakfast,

475
00:17:57.995 --> 00:18:00.164
lunch, and dinner
for the past six months.

476
00:18:00.330 --> 00:18:01.999
Reggie, I don't need...
Okay? Of course I'm in.

477
00:18:02.082 --> 00:18:03.202
That's all I needed to know.

478
00:18:03.250 --> 00:18:04.251
Come on. We've a lot
of work to do.

479
00:18:04.334 --> 00:18:05.502
Now?
Yes, now.

480
00:18:05.586 --> 00:18:07.838
Hey, I'm clocking out.
I'm back in the game, baby.

481
00:18:08.046 --> 00:18:09.966
At least Edmundo
was able to reschedule

482
00:18:10.048 --> 00:18:12.384
the new salad dressing
tasting to tomorrow.

483
00:18:12.926 --> 00:18:14.261
There's only a week left

484
00:18:14.344 --> 00:18:15.846
and we still have
so much to do.

485
00:18:17.014 --> 00:18:18.098
Doug, what are you doing?

486
00:18:18.182 --> 00:18:20.517
I thought maybe we'd have
a little ice cream

487
00:18:21.518 --> 00:18:23.562
and then perhaps
some dessert.

488
00:18:23.812 --> 00:18:25.856
Oh, that is so not fair.
You know I'm trying

489
00:18:25.939 --> 00:18:27.733
to lose 4.2 pounds
before the wedding.

490
00:18:27.900 --> 00:18:29.777
Well, I think you look beautiful
just the way you are.

491
00:18:29.860 --> 00:18:31.111
And I got you something else.

492
00:18:31.195 --> 00:18:32.321
What?

493
00:18:33.864 --> 00:18:34.907
Ta-da.

494
00:18:34.990 --> 00:18:35.991
Oh, my God.

495
00:18:36.074 --> 00:18:37.993
I remember when we watched
Girl with a Pearl Earring,

496
00:18:38.076 --> 00:18:39.328
and you said
how pretty you thought

497
00:18:39.411 --> 00:18:40.621
the girl's pearl earring was.

498
00:18:40.704 --> 00:18:41.984
So, I went out
and had it remade.

499
00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:43.373
You know, as a pair.

500
00:18:43.457 --> 00:18:45.375
Oh, my God.
You are so sweet.

501
00:18:45.459 --> 00:18:47.169
That was so unnecessary.

502
00:18:48.712 --> 00:18:50.255
Is that Boyz ll Men?

503
00:18:50.506 --> 00:18:53.717
You know, I was thinking

504
00:18:53.801 --> 00:18:56.094
of a way to alleviate

505
00:18:56.386 --> 00:18:58.305
all that stress
you've been feeling.

506
00:18:58.472 --> 00:18:59.598
That is not fair.

507
00:18:59.681 --> 00:19:01.225
Remember, we said no teasing
each other. Mmm-mmm.

508
00:19:01.433 --> 00:19:03.477
I know we agreed to
the whole "no making love"

509
00:19:03.560 --> 00:19:04.978
"for the last month" rule.

510
00:19:05.062 --> 00:19:06.188
That's a lot of quotes.

511
00:19:06.271 --> 00:19:08.482
Yeah, but maybe
I could request

512
00:19:08.565 --> 00:19:10.442
a temporary stay of the ban.

513
00:19:10.526 --> 00:19:13.529
No. Honey, look,
I would love to, okay?

514
00:19:13.695 --> 00:19:15.656
But the article says
this will enhance

515
00:19:15.739 --> 00:19:17.533
our emotional reunification.

516
00:19:17.616 --> 00:19:20.369
I know. Maybe we could
take one night off.

517
00:19:20.744 --> 00:19:22.663
Can we do that, maybe?

518
00:19:22.746 --> 00:19:24.373
Just for one night.

519
00:19:24.456 --> 00:19:25.999
To just have sex?

520
00:19:26.166 --> 00:19:28.210
Honey, you know this is
difficult for me, too, okay?

521
00:19:28.293 --> 00:19:30.838
But I am willing to make
the necessary sacrifice

522
00:19:30.921 --> 00:19:33.632
to make sure that our
wedding night is perfect.

523
00:19:34.383 --> 00:19:36.552
Doug and I met
at Camp Wampacheempi.

524
00:19:36.969 --> 00:19:40.639
We were both 12, and we used
to sneak out together at night

525
00:19:40.722 --> 00:19:42.724
and hunt bullfrogs and...

526
00:19:43.100 --> 00:19:44.685
I'm sorry.
I dropped a line.

527
00:19:44.768 --> 00:19:46.144
I know I keep
tripping over it.

528
00:19:46.228 --> 00:19:47.348
You know what?
You nailed it.

529
00:19:47.396 --> 00:19:49.064
What about the distractions?
Do you have any party tricks?

530
00:19:49.147 --> 00:19:50.482
Party tricks. Yeah, okay.

531
00:19:51.191 --> 00:19:52.276
Oh!

532
00:19:54.069 --> 00:19:55.279
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.

533
00:19:56.280 --> 00:19:58.031
So, that's kind of it.

534
00:19:58.115 --> 00:19:59.867
I just need a wall.
No, no, no!

535
00:19:59.992 --> 00:20:01.994
No, don't, please.

536
00:20:03.704 --> 00:20:05.706
I got it. There it goes.

537
00:20:06.790 --> 00:20:07.791
Bronstein.

538
00:20:10.002 --> 00:20:11.962
Um, I prepared
the scene from Titanic

539
00:20:12.045 --> 00:20:13.463
where Jack
tries to save Rose...

540
00:20:13.547 --> 00:20:16.800
Stop. We specifically asked for monologues.
We don't want any scenes.

541
00:20:16.884 --> 00:20:18.176
Right, but I thought
that this would...

542
00:20:18.260 --> 00:20:19.303
It said monologue.

543
00:20:19.469 --> 00:20:21.069
This would showcase my talent.
Thank you.

544
00:20:21.471 --> 00:20:23.098
I could read
the part of Rose.

545
00:20:24.558 --> 00:20:26.518
My name is Kip Loyola.

546
00:20:27.060 --> 00:20:28.520
I'm 6'4".

547
00:20:28.812 --> 00:20:29.938
You don't have to...

548
00:20:30.022 --> 00:20:31.148
6'3".

549
00:20:31.815 --> 00:20:34.484
As you can see by my
résumé, I've done tons

550
00:20:34.651 --> 00:20:37.404
of soap operas.

551
00:20:38.322 --> 00:20:40.157
Well, uh, did you
prepare anything?

552
00:20:43.076 --> 00:20:45.454
On! Shit, baby!

553
00:20:45.537 --> 00:20:47.039
All right.
Did you, uh...

554
00:20:47.122 --> 00:20:48.332
Is that, uh...

555
00:20:49.333 --> 00:20:50.876
Do you have
a distraction

556
00:20:50.959 --> 00:20:53.295
or a party trick
that ties in with this?

557
00:20:56.715 --> 00:20:57.925
Uh...

558
00:20:58.091 --> 00:20:59.343
Okay, I guess.

559
00:20:59.509 --> 00:21:01.345
That's your...

560
00:21:01.511 --> 00:21:02.721
Hey, this is bullshit, Jimmy.

561
00:21:02.804 --> 00:21:04.556
You promised me
a spot on the team.

562
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:05.880
Hey, look, O,
it's not like this

563
00:21:05.891 --> 00:21:07.225
is a Single Wing
Ringman thing.

564
00:21:07.309 --> 00:21:08.268
I told you
I need you to drive.

565
00:21:08.352 --> 00:21:09.770
I'm sick of driving.
I want in.

566
00:21:09.853 --> 00:21:11.104
You can't have in
because you don't

567
00:21:11.188 --> 00:21:12.439
have a party trick
distraction, do you?

568
00:21:12.522 --> 00:21:14.274
I told you I've been working on
the talking backwards thing.

569
00:21:14.358 --> 00:21:15.609
Well, no offense, O,
but you've been

570
00:21:15.692 --> 00:21:17.027
saying the same thing
for three months.

571
00:21:17.110 --> 00:21:18.278
Months three
for that saying been

572
00:21:18.362 --> 00:21:20.530
you've but O
offense no well yeah.

573
00:21:20.614 --> 00:21:21.854
That's pretty
fucking cool.

574
00:21:21.949 --> 00:21:23.909
- Cool fucking pretty that's.
- Whoa!

575
00:21:23.992 --> 00:21:25.285
How much wood
could a woodchuck chuck

576
00:21:25.369 --> 00:21:26.609
if a woodchuck
could chuck wood?

577
00:21:26.703 --> 00:21:27.704
No.

578
00:21:29.706 --> 00:21:31.541
Wood chuck could
chuck wood a if chuck

579
00:21:31.625 --> 00:21:33.418
chuck wood a could
wood much how.

580
00:21:33.669 --> 00:21:34.711
Oh!

581
00:21:35.963 --> 00:21:37.130
Okay, that'll do.

582
00:21:37.214 --> 00:21:38.340
Do that'll okay.

583
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:40.133
Put a sock in it.
We're done.

584
00:21:40.217 --> 00:21:41.385
Sock on put.

585
00:21:43.762 --> 00:21:46.431
Try the Roquefort
Buttermilk.

586
00:21:48.767 --> 00:21:50.227
Is it too tangy?

587
00:21:50.310 --> 00:21:52.062
Uh, maybe a little.
A little?

588
00:21:52.145 --> 00:21:54.481
Do you have something, maybe, a little
less harsh? 'Cause he's like...

589
00:21:54.564 --> 00:21:57.025
I can offer you
the Algonquin Ranch.

590
00:21:57.109 --> 00:21:58.235
Okay, give me one second.

591
00:21:58.318 --> 00:22:00.904
Ray. A.R., ASAP.

592
00:22:01.029 --> 00:22:04.449
Okay, honey, we're all set tomorrow.
Brunch at my parents' house.

593
00:22:04.533 --> 00:22:07.744
Oh, yeah. Oh, sweetie,
I thought I told you that

594
00:22:08.036 --> 00:22:11.039
I got to, uh, hit the office
tomorrow. I'm sorry.

595
00:22:11.123 --> 00:22:13.626
Oh, no, no. Edmundo's bringing
some more appetizer samples.

596
00:22:13.709 --> 00:22:15.919
You know I can't make
a decision without you.

597
00:22:17.254 --> 00:22:19.798
Damn it. I was going to keep
this a surprise, but...

598
00:22:19.881 --> 00:22:22.175
What? Bic is flying
in tomorrow morning.

599
00:22:22.259 --> 00:22:23.510
Bic? The Bic?

600
00:22:23.593 --> 00:22:24.803
Yeah. I have to go pick
him up from the airport.

601
00:22:24.886 --> 00:22:26.138
You aren't kidding!
Oh, I'm so excited!

602
00:22:26.221 --> 00:22:27.421
I wanted to keep
it a surprise.

603
00:22:27.472 --> 00:22:29.433
This is so great.
Bring him to lunch with you.

604
00:22:29.516 --> 00:22:32.477
No! No. No, I can't.
Why are you yelling?

605
00:22:32.561 --> 00:22:34.604
I'm sorry. I just, uh...

606
00:22:34.688 --> 00:22:36.273
I can't do that
because, um,

607
00:22:36.356 --> 00:22:38.191
we have so much
catching up to do.

608
00:22:38.275 --> 00:22:39.443
Oh, come on. Bring Bic.

609
00:22:39.526 --> 00:22:41.486
I want him to help us decide
on all these fun things.

610
00:22:41.570 --> 00:22:44.531
No, I don't know that that's...
He can't...

611
00:22:44.614 --> 00:22:45.991
Listen to me.
He is your best man

612
00:22:46.074 --> 00:22:47.325
and I have
never met him, okay?

613
00:22:47.451 --> 00:22:49.119
You cannot tell me
he's flying in and not

614
00:22:49.202 --> 00:22:51.246
bring him to lunch tomorrow.
Are you crazy?

615
00:22:51.496 --> 00:22:52.581
Okay.

616
00:22:52.706 --> 00:22:55.792
No! Take my hand.
I'll pull you in.

617
00:22:56.126 --> 00:22:59.504
<i>Stay where you are.
I mean it. I'll let go.</i>

618
00:22:59.588 --> 00:23:00.589
Oh.

619
00:23:07.220 --> 00:23:09.723
♪ Near, far... ♪

620
00:23:09.890 --> 00:23:12.559
Hey. Doug's on line one.
Something's wrong.

621
00:23:13.393 --> 00:23:14.603
What's going on, Tonto?

622
00:23:14.686 --> 00:23:16.938
Hey, there.
We've got a bit of a problem.

623
00:23:18.315 --> 00:23:20.317
What the hell were you thinking?
She cornered me.

624
00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:22.444
Doug, in the future, if
somebody asks you something

625
00:23:22.569 --> 00:23:24.780
that boxes you in, you boomerang it.
"Boomerang"?

626
00:23:24.863 --> 00:23:27.074
You respond with either a
compliment or a question.

627
00:23:27.157 --> 00:23:28.950
Compliments are for women.
Questions are for men.

628
00:23:29.034 --> 00:23:30.452
If I were to ask you
something about Bic

629
00:23:30.535 --> 00:23:31.578
that you and I
haven't discussed,

630
00:23:31.661 --> 00:23:32.661
what would you say, Doug?

631
00:23:32.704 --> 00:23:36.166
You're, um, very handsome.
Thank you, Doug.

632
00:23:36.583 --> 00:23:37.918
That's a compliment.

633
00:23:38.001 --> 00:23:40.587
Compliments are for women,
questions are for men.

634
00:23:40.670 --> 00:23:41.797
You throw out random words.

635
00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:43.423
You're confusing me
a lot right now.

636
00:23:43.507 --> 00:23:44.758
You use random words
that will distract them

637
00:23:44.841 --> 00:23:45.926
from the original question.

638
00:23:46.009 --> 00:23:47.052
Random words.

639
00:23:47.135 --> 00:23:49.054
We have 18 hours to prepare for
this brunch with the Palmers.

640
00:23:49.137 --> 00:23:51.598
Which means we have 18 hours
for a Shotgun Intro.

641
00:23:51.681 --> 00:23:52.681
Let's get to work.

642
00:23:52.724 --> 00:23:53.850
You want to start off
with the HW2's.

643
00:23:53.934 --> 00:23:55.644
Right.
The how-where-whats.

644
00:23:55.727 --> 00:23:56.853
These are the three
basic questions

645
00:23:56.937 --> 00:23:58.688
that everyone I encounter
as Bic are going to ask.

646
00:23:58.772 --> 00:24:01.191
How did we meet? Where am I from?
What do I do?

647
00:24:01.358 --> 00:24:03.819
If we know nothing else,
we can tread enough water

648
00:24:03.902 --> 00:24:06.279
to fake a stomach cramp and run away.
How did we meet?

649
00:24:06.363 --> 00:24:08.615
Uh, freshman year,
Stanford.

650
00:24:08.698 --> 00:24:10.575
That means I'm smart.
Shit. Where am I from?

651
00:24:10.659 --> 00:24:12.369
I never said.
North Dakota.

652
00:24:12.494 --> 00:24:14.371
Why North Dakota? Do you know
anybody in North Dakota?

653
00:24:14.454 --> 00:24:16.164
No.
Nobody does. What do I do?

654
00:24:16.289 --> 00:24:18.416
You're in the military. That a boy.
See, now you're thinking.

655
00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:19.918
No address, no phone number.

656
00:24:20.001 --> 00:24:21.711
And chicks dig
the uniform shit.

657
00:24:21.795 --> 00:24:23.296
It's going to be like
shooting fish in a barrel.

658
00:24:23.380 --> 00:24:25.298
Actually, I, uh, don't
think you're going to be

659
00:24:25.382 --> 00:24:27.134
shooting any fish
in this particular barrel.

660
00:24:27.217 --> 00:24:28.417
An Army guy
that's the best man

661
00:24:28.468 --> 00:24:29.668
not hitting on
the bridesmaids?

662
00:24:29.719 --> 00:24:30.971
They'll think
I'm a homosexual.

663
00:24:31.054 --> 00:24:32.222
Well, uh, actually...

664
00:24:32.305 --> 00:24:34.432
Well, actually, what? You told
them I'm a homosexual, Doug?

665
00:24:34.516 --> 00:24:36.476
No. No, not that,
per se.

666
00:24:36.560 --> 00:24:38.186
What, per se, Doug?
Tell me.

667
00:24:38.436 --> 00:24:41.106
Bic Mitchum is actually
Father Bic Mitchum.

668
00:24:41.273 --> 00:24:42.774
You told them
I'm a fucking priest, Doug?

669
00:24:42.858 --> 00:24:45.026
Well, actually, it was
Gretchen who said it.

670
00:24:45.110 --> 00:24:46.695
You told Gretchen
I'm a fucking priest, Doug?

671
00:24:46.778 --> 00:24:47.946
No. Gretchen said...

672
00:24:48.029 --> 00:24:49.322
There was nothing else
that popped into your head?

673
00:24:49.406 --> 00:24:50.991
At the time I thought it
was a really smart idea.

674
00:24:51.074 --> 00:24:52.074
A fucking priest?

675
00:24:52.117 --> 00:24:54.911
But now I can see it's going to upset you.
A fucking priest?

676
00:24:55.036 --> 00:24:58.915
Fuck! Fuck, shit, bitch, dick, ass!
No. No, you can't.

677
00:24:58.999 --> 00:25:00.625
Oh, well, I have to
get them all out now

678
00:25:00.709 --> 00:25:02.169
because I'm a fucking
priest and I can't

679
00:25:02.252 --> 00:25:03.920
cuss around
your family, Doug. Fuck!

680
00:25:04.045 --> 00:25:06.006
Oh, come on.
That's the last one.

681
00:25:08.091 --> 00:25:09.968
Jill Abromowitz,
freshman year.

682
00:25:10.093 --> 00:25:12.053
Far-sighted or near-sighted'?
Far-sighted.

683
00:25:12.220 --> 00:25:14.764
Okay. Wait, let me finish.
And near-sighted.

684
00:25:15.974 --> 00:25:17.350
Do you supinate or pronate?
What?

685
00:25:17.475 --> 00:25:19.603
Does your foot roll inward or outward?
Outward.

686
00:25:19.769 --> 00:25:21.188
Okay, that explains
the weight gain.

687
00:25:22.147 --> 00:25:24.232
Pepsi or Coke?
Sunset, full moon?

688
00:25:24.316 --> 00:25:26.026
If you could pick your favorite
superhero, who would it be?

689
00:25:26.109 --> 00:25:27.235
Is Pas-Man a superhero?

690
00:25:27.319 --> 00:25:28.403
No, he's not, Doug.

691
00:25:28.570 --> 00:25:30.864
Stairs or elevators?
Never mind. Forget it.

692
00:25:30.947 --> 00:25:32.908
Okay, Doug, I'm almost happy right now.
What's my name?

693
00:25:32.991 --> 00:25:34.711
That would be Bic Mitchum.
Where am I from?

694
00:25:34.784 --> 00:25:35.869
You're from North Dakota.

695
00:25:35.952 --> 00:25:37.037
Ask me why you're
from North Dakota.

696
00:25:37.120 --> 00:25:38.330
Tell me why I'm
from North Dakota.

697
00:25:38.413 --> 00:25:40.707
Because who the fuck knows
anybody from North Dakota?

698
00:25:40.790 --> 00:25:42.292
I want to hear my name again.
What's my name?

699
00:25:42.375 --> 00:25:44.502
Oh, you are motherfucking Bic Mitchum!
Rhythm.

700
00:25:44.586 --> 00:25:45.962
Motherfucking
Bic Mitchum.

701
00:25:46.046 --> 00:25:48.798
Motherfucking Bic Mitchum.
Motherfucking...

702
00:25:49.049 --> 00:25:50.050
What are your phobias?

703
00:25:50.133 --> 00:25:51.468
Uh, I fear raccoons.

704
00:25:51.551 --> 00:25:52.636
Favorite sport, Doug?

705
00:25:52.719 --> 00:25:55.347
Baseball. And I love
women's basketball.

706
00:25:56.348 --> 00:25:58.892
Come on, we're getting
too tired. Up. Yes.

707
00:26:01.019 --> 00:26:02.187
Oh, shit.

708
00:26:04.898 --> 00:26:07.108
Doug! Doug!

709
00:26:07.317 --> 00:26:09.637
Get up. Get your ass up. We're
going to be late for brunch.

710
00:26:09.653 --> 00:26:10.695
Oh, shit!

711
00:26:11.196 --> 00:26:12.516
When you get
backed into a corner,

712
00:26:12.530 --> 00:26:14.530
remember your compliments,
boomerang, random words.

713
00:26:14.574 --> 00:26:15.575
Use random words.

714
00:26:15.659 --> 00:26:17.786
Specifically, which
random words should I use?

715
00:26:18.036 --> 00:26:21.164
Any random words. Just be yourself, Doug.
You'll be all right.

716
00:26:21.248 --> 00:26:22.749
What if they start
asking too many questions?

717
00:26:22.832 --> 00:26:24.709
I mean, you hardly
even know me.

718
00:26:24.793 --> 00:26:26.920
Except for the fact that you
prefer showers to baths,

719
00:26:27.003 --> 00:26:28.380
Pas-Man's your favorite
superhero even though

720
00:26:28.463 --> 00:26:29.798
Pas-Man's not
a superhero at all,

721
00:26:29.881 --> 00:26:31.967
you're far-sighted and you're
near-sighted, you supinate,

722
00:26:32.050 --> 00:26:34.594
you prefer full moons over sunsets,
you're afraid of raccoons,

723
00:26:34.678 --> 00:26:36.554
you love women's basketball,
you iron your boxers,

724
00:26:36.638 --> 00:26:37.639
finished third
on the bar exam,

725
00:26:37.722 --> 00:26:38.723
eat American,
but prefer cheddar,

726
00:26:38.807 --> 00:26:40.934
you're against the designated hitter,
believe in life after death,

727
00:26:41.017 --> 00:26:42.727
and you played the violin
until you were 19 years old.

728
00:26:42.811 --> 00:26:45.611
Which is the same year that you lost
your virginity to Jill Abromowitz.

729
00:26:45.772 --> 00:26:46.773
Let's go, man.

730
00:26:46.856 --> 00:26:47.857
That will work.

731
00:26:48.358 --> 00:26:51.027
You follow my lead. You
talk as little as you can.

732
00:26:51.111 --> 00:26:54.281
Short answers. You don't
initiate conversation. Wi-Wo.

733
00:26:54.531 --> 00:26:56.366
"Wi-Wo"?
We're in, we're out.

734
00:26:56.449 --> 00:26:57.826
Oh. Wi-WO.

735
00:26:57.909 --> 00:26:59.661
Wait, wait, wait.
What?

736
00:26:59.911 --> 00:27:01.746
I'm getting a little nauseous, man.
What?

737
00:27:01.871 --> 00:27:03.748
I think I'm in over my head, Doug.
No, no.

738
00:27:03.832 --> 00:27:05.709
This is a lot. You're talking
about a whole family.

739
00:27:05.792 --> 00:27:07.043
I've never done
a goddamn whole family.

740
00:27:07.127 --> 00:27:08.461
You're telling me
this now?

741
00:27:08.545 --> 00:27:09.713
What's your last name?

742
00:27:09.796 --> 00:27:10.922
Harris. Doug Harris.

743
00:27:11.006 --> 00:27:12.465
Oh, shit!
I thought it was Angley.

744
00:27:12.549 --> 00:27:14.134
What? Who's Angley?

745
00:27:14.217 --> 00:27:16.219
I have to go, buddy.
No!

746
00:27:16.303 --> 00:27:17.470
I'm fucking with you.

747
00:27:17.554 --> 00:27:18.972
Don't do that.
All right, relax.

748
00:27:19.055 --> 00:27:20.140
That was a really
shitty thing to do.

749
00:27:20.223 --> 00:27:22.392
Ring the bell, rookie.
Come on.

750
00:27:22.642 --> 00:27:24.144
You guys have to understand
that I come from

751
00:27:24.227 --> 00:27:25.729
a very dark past.

752
00:27:25.812 --> 00:27:27.314
And by dark,
of course I'm referring

753
00:27:27.397 --> 00:27:29.399
to my drug use.
I was on everything.

754
00:27:29.566 --> 00:27:32.068
At one point, the only good
vein I had was between my toes.

755
00:27:32.235 --> 00:27:34.863
Crystal meth. I'm not sure if any
of you guys can relate to it.

756
00:27:34.946 --> 00:27:36.281
Grandma,
I've seen your teeth.

757
00:27:36.364 --> 00:27:37.574
Maybe you can, or can't.

758
00:27:37.699 --> 00:27:41.036
But the Lord says, "Don't
judgeth upon what happens",

759
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:43.413
"but what happens upon
what can't be judged."

760
00:27:43.496 --> 00:27:44.664
Which means, yes,

761
00:27:44.748 --> 00:27:46.041
I may have been to a point

762
00:27:46.124 --> 00:27:47.917
where I was sucking
dick for money.

763
00:27:48.084 --> 00:27:51.338
But that day when I woke up
face down in that snowbank,

764
00:27:51.504 --> 00:27:52.672
I didn't know where I was.

765
00:27:52.756 --> 00:27:54.632
I didn't even know
who I was.

766
00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:56.039
And I remember
squinting because

767
00:27:56.051 --> 00:27:57.552
I was being blinded
by this bright light.

768
00:27:57.635 --> 00:27:58.636
I couldn't see a thing.

769
00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:02.098
And when I finally opened
my eyes, I saw Jesus.

770
00:28:02.182 --> 00:28:03.475
You saw Jesus?

771
00:28:03.558 --> 00:28:04.809
Oh, I saw Jesus.

772
00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:08.146
He was in Mary's arms in the
nativity scene at St. Michael's.

773
00:28:08.688 --> 00:28:11.649
And I wept. But they
weren't tears of pain.

774
00:28:11.733 --> 00:28:12.901
These were tears of joy.

775
00:28:12.984 --> 00:28:14.778
From having found
my path, of course.

776
00:28:14.861 --> 00:28:16.154
So, Father...

777
00:28:16.237 --> 00:28:17.655
Call me Bic, please.

778
00:28:17.739 --> 00:28:20.367
What made you decide
to go into the military?

779
00:28:20.450 --> 00:28:22.160
Mmm.
That's a great question.

780
00:28:22.243 --> 00:28:24.537
Some people are called on
to serve God.

781
00:28:24.621 --> 00:28:26.206
Others are called
to serve our country.

782
00:28:26.456 --> 00:28:28.208
Those who are
chosen to serve both,

783
00:28:28.291 --> 00:28:29.709
they're called
Army chaplains.

784
00:28:30.085 --> 00:28:32.420
I got a two-way call
from the big fellow himself.

785
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:35.548
A priest in the military.
Yeah.

786
00:28:35.632 --> 00:28:37.592
It's interesting.
Do they have a "don't ask",

787
00:28:37.675 --> 00:28:39.886
"don't tell" policy
on child molesting?

788
00:28:40.011 --> 00:28:41.096
Dad!

789
00:28:50.063 --> 00:28:51.898
Oh, it's okay. It's okay.

790
00:28:51.981 --> 00:28:55.276
That's pretty good. I've never heard
that one. Now, that's a good one.

791
00:28:55.402 --> 00:28:56.528
Well, I try.

792
00:28:56.694 --> 00:28:58.071
Clever.
No, it wasn't.

793
00:28:58.154 --> 00:28:59.364
Somebody call the firemen

794
00:28:59.447 --> 00:29:01.366
because this is hot,
hot, hot! Okay?

795
00:29:01.491 --> 00:29:02.909
Do not touch.

796
00:29:04.119 --> 00:29:06.329
So, listen,
if you opt against

797
00:29:06.413 --> 00:29:07.997
the Russian
mushroom bisque,

798
00:29:08.081 --> 00:29:10.917
we can always go into
a more rustic theme

799
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:12.710
with the Chilean chili.

800
00:29:13.044 --> 00:29:14.796
I'll be back
with the croutons.

801
00:29:14.963 --> 00:29:18.633
So, Bic, uh, where are
you from originally?

802
00:29:18.716 --> 00:29:20.343
Originally? North Dakota.

803
00:29:20.718 --> 00:29:22.929
Oh, no kidding. What town?
Henderson.

804
00:29:23.012 --> 00:29:24.639
I've never heard
of Henderson.

805
00:29:24.722 --> 00:29:26.224
Oh, Henderson's
a very small town, Ed.

806
00:29:26.307 --> 00:29:28.017
Oh, where is it
in relation to Bismarck?

807
00:29:29.769 --> 00:29:30.937
Are you familiar
with North Dakota?

808
00:29:31.020 --> 00:29:32.605
Ed's uncle has
a ranch up there.

809
00:29:32.772 --> 00:29:34.983
Wow! That is something
to know, there.

810
00:29:35.066 --> 00:29:37.277
Uh, no, it's actually on the
opposite side of Bismarck.

811
00:29:37.360 --> 00:29:39.487
You have Bismarck here,
but once you go around...

812
00:29:39.571 --> 00:29:41.114
You know the tunnel.
It's right there.

813
00:29:41.197 --> 00:29:42.490
Bismarck's in the middle.

814
00:29:42.615 --> 00:29:45.095
When you said "middle", all I saw
was Rita Hayworth.

815
00:29:45.201 --> 00:29:47.121
I mean, there's a striking
resemblance, isn't it?

816
00:29:47.162 --> 00:29:48.288
Oh, thank you, Father.

817
00:29:48.371 --> 00:29:49.539
No, there isn't.

818
00:29:49.914 --> 00:29:52.083
So, Doug,
when was the last time

819
00:29:52.167 --> 00:29:54.169
that you and Bic
saw each other?

820
00:29:56.212 --> 00:29:57.755
March.
March?

821
00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:58.965
Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

822
00:29:59.048 --> 00:30:01.288
Because, see, in March... April,
I was in the Middle East.

823
00:30:01.301 --> 00:30:03.803
Muffin juice. After that
is when I was training.

824
00:30:03.887 --> 00:30:04.929
Cottage cheese helmet.

825
00:30:05.054 --> 00:30:06.931
And from there is
when I was traveling,

826
00:30:07.015 --> 00:30:08.057
so you're talking
three, four...

827
00:30:08.183 --> 00:30:10.059
Three, four, six, seven months ago.
...six, seven years ago.

828
00:30:10.143 --> 00:30:11.144
Years ago.

829
00:30:11.227 --> 00:30:13.188
Honey, I thought you saw Bic at
the Vatican a couple years ago.

830
00:30:13.271 --> 00:30:14.272
Wait, what did you say?

831
00:30:14.355 --> 00:30:16.274
When you were in Rome,
you and Bic.

832
00:30:16.441 --> 00:30:18.943
Oh, boy, that's right.
Because you left in March.

833
00:30:19.027 --> 00:30:20.612
Red-hot pussy seltzer.

834
00:30:21.237 --> 00:30:22.697
Right? Right. Yeah.

835
00:30:22.780 --> 00:30:23.781
That sounds right.

836
00:30:23.865 --> 00:30:25.200
- What did you just say?
- Hmm?

837
00:30:25.283 --> 00:30:27.535
I think you said,
"Red-hot pussy seltzer."

838
00:30:27.619 --> 00:30:29.746
- Why would you say that?
Red-hot pussy seltzer?

839
00:30:30.788 --> 00:30:31.789
Honey?

840
00:30:32.415 --> 00:30:34.459
What's 34 times 12?
408.

841
00:30:35.376 --> 00:30:36.669
Shit, I didn't expect
an answer that quick.

842
00:30:36.753 --> 00:30:37.754
Breathe, Doug.

843
00:30:37.879 --> 00:30:39.589
Baby, what is going on with you?

844
00:30:39.756 --> 00:30:40.798
I, uh...

845
00:30:41.716 --> 00:30:42.759
I, um...

846
00:30:43.927 --> 00:30:45.678
I have to be
honest with you guys.

847
00:30:46.346 --> 00:30:47.514
Oh, my God!

848
00:30:49.849 --> 00:30:51.476
Honey?
Shit, that burns!

849
00:30:51.768 --> 00:30:54.270
Guys, that was so hot. I'm sorry, Doug.
It burns!

850
00:30:54.437 --> 00:30:55.605
Oh, God!

851
00:30:55.688 --> 00:30:57.368
Sorry. I didn't know
it was that hot, guys.

852
00:30:57.398 --> 00:30:58.858
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.

853
00:30:59.025 --> 00:31:00.860
- I'm on fire!
- Oh, my God!

854
00:31:01.027 --> 00:31:03.905
Shit! No! She's on fire!

855
00:31:04.948 --> 00:31:08.034
- It's an inferno!
- Holy shit!

856
00:31:10.411 --> 00:31:12.121
- I need liquids!
- Get back!

857
00:31:12.705 --> 00:31:14.707
- Oh, my God!
- Get something!

858
00:31:15.750 --> 00:31:17.377
It's making it worse!

859
00:31:18.836 --> 00:31:20.838
Give me the tablecloth!

860
00:31:20.922 --> 00:31:22.090
What is wrong with you?

861
00:31:22.173 --> 00:31:23.413
I'm going to get
something else!

862
00:31:23.466 --> 00:31:26.135
She just caught fire
so fast.

863
00:31:26.302 --> 00:31:30.181
Don't feel bad, Doug. She goes
through a can of Aqua Net a day.

864
00:31:30.682 --> 00:31:33.101
Hey, what did they say? Is she okay?
Is she going to be all right?

865
00:31:33.268 --> 00:31:36.229
Gretchen, how do you
like your grandma?

866
00:31:36.396 --> 00:31:39.482
What? I love her. You know that.
What happened?

867
00:31:39.566 --> 00:31:41.734
No, I mean, how do you like her?
Medium, well-done?

868
00:31:41.985 --> 00:31:42.985
Oh, my God, Dad.

869
00:31:43.027 --> 00:31:44.195
You can be
such an asshole.

870
00:31:44.279 --> 00:31:45.738
She has some minor burns

871
00:31:45.822 --> 00:31:47.574
to her head, chest,
back, neck, and breasts,

872
00:31:47.657 --> 00:31:49.337
but the doctor says
she's going to be fine.

873
00:31:49.367 --> 00:31:51.077
Oh, thank God. Come
on, let's go see her.

874
00:31:51.452 --> 00:31:53.371
I, uh...
I feel just awful.

875
00:31:53.538 --> 00:31:54.738
Well, shake it off.
If you knew

876
00:31:54.789 --> 00:31:56.082
what the old lady says
behind your back,

877
00:31:56.165 --> 00:31:57.542
you would have
done it on purpose.

878
00:31:57.625 --> 00:32:00.211
But let me say, that was a hell
of a tackle for a tenderfoot.

879
00:32:00.503 --> 00:32:04.090
Tenderfoot? Oh, Douglas was quite
the halfback back in college.

880
00:32:04.257 --> 00:32:06.426
You played football, Doug?
How come you never told me?

881
00:32:06.509 --> 00:32:08.428
I thought you were
just a nerd fan.

882
00:32:10.305 --> 00:32:13.183
Yeah. Yeah,
intramurals, scrimmage.

883
00:32:13.266 --> 00:32:14.976
We scrimmaged, the boys.

884
00:32:15.059 --> 00:32:18.354
And, you know, I made the all-campus
team a couple times in football.

885
00:32:18.479 --> 00:32:19.981
I was an all-conference
nose tackle.

886
00:32:20.064 --> 00:32:22.150
Half the team's
coming in for the wedding.

887
00:32:22.275 --> 00:32:24.902
Why don't we have a friendly
game of two-hand touch?

888
00:32:25.069 --> 00:32:26.946
You know, the old-timers
versus the groomsmen.

889
00:32:27.030 --> 00:32:28.031
What do you say?

890
00:32:28.156 --> 00:32:30.366
I think that's
quite the invitation, Ed,

891
00:32:30.450 --> 00:32:32.118
but there's
so much going on.

892
00:32:32.201 --> 00:32:34.829
I just feel like
there's not enough time.

893
00:32:34.912 --> 00:32:36.623
Oh, what's
the matter, Bic?

894
00:32:36.706 --> 00:32:39.042
Afraid of getting your asses
kicked by some old-timers?

895
00:32:43.755 --> 00:32:45.214
I don't think so, Pops.

896
00:32:51.429 --> 00:32:54.265
All things considered, not
that bad for a Shotgun Intro.

897
00:32:54.349 --> 00:32:58.227
Not that bad? I just set
Gretchen's grandmother on fire.

898
00:32:58.311 --> 00:33:01.022
Wrong. We sacrificed Grandma
for the sake of the mission.

899
00:33:01.105 --> 00:33:02.148
I feel terrible.

900
00:33:02.231 --> 00:33:04.275
Feelings are irrelevant
in the big con.

901
00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:06.569
What's important is that
our cover wasn't blown.

902
00:33:06.653 --> 00:33:09.238
Every test that we encounter
will be the same, pass or fail.

903
00:33:09.322 --> 00:33:11.199
As long as we pass, it
doesn't matter how we do it.

904
00:33:11.282 --> 00:33:13.326
I still can't believe they
actually bought all that

905
00:33:13.409 --> 00:33:15.620
People believe because they
have no reason not to.

906
00:33:15.703 --> 00:33:16.829
We're going to have to
be on top of our game.

907
00:33:16.913 --> 00:33:18.081
That family was sharp.

908
00:33:18.164 --> 00:33:19.374
Come on,
we've got to go.

909
00:33:19.457 --> 00:33:21.497
I've got some really important
people waiting on us.

910
00:33:22.377 --> 00:33:24.577
Look who I have?
Dougie-Doug-Doug!

911
00:33:24.587 --> 00:33:25.588
Dougie Fresh!

912
00:33:25.672 --> 00:33:26.714
Doug, you look great, man.

913
00:33:26.798 --> 00:33:27.840
You're losing weight,
fat ass.

914
00:33:27.924 --> 00:33:29.164
Oh, he had to
lose weight.

915
00:33:30.426 --> 00:33:31.761
Ow!

916
00:33:32.011 --> 00:33:34.347
All right.
All right, stop.

917
00:33:35.556 --> 00:33:37.058
Who are these people?
What, are you kidding?

918
00:33:37.141 --> 00:33:38.518
You don't recognize these guys?
No.

919
00:33:38.601 --> 00:33:40.561
You're looking at your groomsmen.
Come on, man.

920
00:33:40.645 --> 00:33:41.729
Hey, Doug.

921
00:33:45.233 --> 00:33:46.233
How have you been, bro?

922
00:33:46.275 --> 00:33:48.528
Good. Yeah, real good. You?

923
00:33:48.611 --> 00:33:50.029
You know,
same old same old.

924
00:33:52.573 --> 00:33:54.534
Stop it, man.
Stop it, man.

925
00:33:54.617 --> 00:33:56.452
Every time. Every time.

926
00:33:56.536 --> 00:33:58.121
Jimmy, can I talk to you
for a second?

927
00:33:58.204 --> 00:33:59.956
These guys cannot
be my groomsmen.

928
00:34:00.039 --> 00:34:01.124
What are you
talking about?

929
00:34:01.207 --> 00:34:03.376
For one thing, it looks like
the entire cast of Goonies

930
00:34:03.459 --> 00:34:04.539
grew up and became rapists.

931
00:34:04.585 --> 00:34:05.753
This one in particular
looks like

932
00:34:05.837 --> 00:34:07.505
he just broke out of
a federal fucking prison.

933
00:34:07.588 --> 00:34:09.588
What you need to do is keep
it down because he did.

934
00:34:09.590 --> 00:34:10.800
And he raped
a lot of men in there. Yes.

935
00:34:10.883 --> 00:34:13.052
Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus.

936
00:34:13.136 --> 00:34:15.897
He's got a dark past, but when you
throw a tux on that son of a bitch,

937
00:34:15.930 --> 00:34:17.056
you're not going to
find anybody better.

938
00:34:17.140 --> 00:34:18.641
The Asian
has his dick out.

939
00:34:18.725 --> 00:34:20.184
Endo, put it up.

940
00:34:20.309 --> 00:34:22.019
No. You have to get
a new party trick.

941
00:34:22.103 --> 00:34:24.856
People love it.
Is that a third testicle?

942
00:34:24.981 --> 00:34:26.649
Does he have three testicles?
Yeah, I've got three.

943
00:34:26.733 --> 00:34:28.818
How is that a party trick?
That's neither here nor there.

944
00:34:28.901 --> 00:34:30.653
Oh, I'm dead. You didn't
give me a lot of time, man.

945
00:34:30.737 --> 00:34:31.738
Oh, God.

946
00:34:31.821 --> 00:34:33.531
You gave me seven names, I brought
you back seven groomsmen.

947
00:34:33.656 --> 00:34:35.533
I should just call it off. No!
These guys are great, man.

948
00:34:35.616 --> 00:34:38.077
You're looking at the best of the best.
Not the best of the best.

949
00:34:38.161 --> 00:34:40.288
They're the best of
what I had to choose from.

950
00:34:40.496 --> 00:34:42.415
I'm dead.

951
00:34:42.915 --> 00:34:44.250
We've got Dickerson.
Yo.

952
00:34:44.333 --> 00:34:46.294
Dickerson, you're a lounge
singer from Canada.

953
00:34:46.377 --> 00:34:48.796
You perform four nights a
week at the Walleye Nook.

954
00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:51.090
You do a mean Tom Jones.
Now, that part's imperative.

955
00:34:51.174 --> 00:34:52.717
She won't buy it unless she
knows that you can sing.

956
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:53.885
Doug, I'm not
trying to be rude,

957
00:34:53.968 --> 00:34:55.094
but nobody here
really gives a fuck.

958
00:34:55.178 --> 00:34:56.262
We're just
assigning roles.

959
00:34:56.345 --> 00:34:58.139
We can get all the ancillary
particulars later on.

960
00:34:58.222 --> 00:34:59.307
Garvey,
you're a botanist.

961
00:34:59.390 --> 00:35:02.143
You and Doug went to camp together
from 6th grade through 10th.

962
00:35:02.226 --> 00:35:06.522
Rambis, you're a principal at Saint
Peter's Middle School in Provo, Utah.

963
00:35:06.606 --> 00:35:10.193
And you're a regional racquetball champion.
Lefty, good serve.

964
00:35:10.526 --> 00:35:11.944
Plunkett, you're a lawyer.

965
00:35:12.028 --> 00:35:15.281
You specialize in environmental
law with a focus on forestry.

966
00:35:15.364 --> 00:35:17.366
Carew, you're
a podiatrist in Knoxville.

967
00:35:17.450 --> 00:35:18.868
Divorced, no kids.

968
00:35:19.160 --> 00:35:20.912
I have to say, all these
guys seem a little off,

969
00:35:20.995 --> 00:35:22.663
but you
at least look normal.

970
00:35:22.747 --> 00:35:24.791
Oh, thanks, Doug,
I appreciate that, man.

971
00:35:25.208 --> 00:35:27.376
I'm just happy to
be here.

972
00:35:29.045 --> 00:35:30.880
Drysdale,
you teach philosophy

973
00:35:30.963 --> 00:35:32.465
at Bardonia
Community College.

974
00:35:32.548 --> 00:35:33.591
You're a vegan.

975
00:35:33.674 --> 00:35:36.803
You're also working on your first
book called The Way of Wonder.

976
00:35:36.886 --> 00:35:38.721
What the fuck
does that even mean?

977
00:35:38.805 --> 00:35:41.265
Thanks, Doug,
you fucking asshole.

978
00:35:41.349 --> 00:35:43.309
Alzado, you're
a computer programmer.

979
00:35:43.392 --> 00:35:44.352
You met Dougie
at a conference

980
00:35:44.435 --> 00:35:45.478
in Baton Rouge.

981
00:35:45.603 --> 00:35:46.604
Do you want to trade?

982
00:35:46.687 --> 00:35:48.022
Hell, yeah. I need to
eat some meat, man.

983
00:35:48.105 --> 00:35:49.106
This vegan life
isn't for me.

984
00:35:49.190 --> 00:35:50.900
Hey. There will be
no trading!

985
00:35:51.025 --> 00:35:53.319
Anything else, Doug? Yeah. Plunkett's
got to be in a wheelchair.

986
00:35:53.402 --> 00:35:54.737
He was hit by a car.
What?

987
00:35:54.821 --> 00:35:56.447
Well, it's not funny.

988
00:35:56.531 --> 00:35:57.657
I'm supposed to crush ass.

989
00:35:57.740 --> 00:35:59.033
I told him he was
going to crush ass.

990
00:35:59.116 --> 00:36:00.159
- Argh!
- Listen up.

991
00:36:00.243 --> 00:36:02.870
Double check your measurements
and perfect your PTD's, guys.

992
00:36:03.079 --> 00:36:05.206
"PTD'S"? That's your Party
Trick Distractions.

993
00:36:05.289 --> 00:36:07.208
If you get backed in a corner
and you don't know what to do,

994
00:36:07.291 --> 00:36:08.334
pull out your PTD.

995
00:36:08.417 --> 00:36:10.086
Can I do my Cockney accent?

996
00:36:10.253 --> 00:36:12.713
You're a principal in Utah. Why the
fuck would you have a Cockney accent?

997
00:36:12.797 --> 00:36:14.465
I could have
moved there, right?

998
00:36:16.217 --> 00:36:17.802
Any more questions?

999
00:36:17.885 --> 00:36:19.428
Yeah. When is
the bachelor party?

1000
00:36:19.512 --> 00:36:21.013
I don't see nothing
in the package about it.

1001
00:36:21.097 --> 00:36:22.223
That's a good question.

1002
00:36:22.306 --> 00:36:24.141
Oh, no, no. There's going
to be no bachelor party.

1003
00:36:24.225 --> 00:36:26.644
Gretchen and I, we both decided
that it was better that we...

1004
00:36:26.769 --> 00:36:30.064
Stop. There's no such thing as a mutual
decision until after you're married.

1005
00:36:30.147 --> 00:36:32.316
Right now, the only "we..."

1006
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:34.235
ls me and my balls.

1007
00:36:34.402 --> 00:36:35.403
Balls.

1008
00:36:35.695 --> 00:36:37.738
All right, guys, listen up.

1009
00:36:38.614 --> 00:36:42.451
You have one week to know
this information so well,

1010
00:36:42.910 --> 00:36:44.954
it becomes a permanent
part of your memory.

1011
00:36:46.289 --> 00:36:50.376
That means that we've got one
week to pull off the first ever

1012
00:36:51.961 --> 00:36:53.004
Golden Tux.

1013
00:36:54.714 --> 00:36:57.592
Understand something. This has
never been done, gentlemen.

1014
00:37:00.094 --> 00:37:02.494
Let's go make some fucking history, huh?

1015
00:37:02.513 --> 00:37:04.891
♪ Don't worry about me
I'm gonna make it all right

1016
00:37:04.974 --> 00:37:06.893
♪ Got my enemies
crossed out in my sight

1017
00:37:06.976 --> 00:37:09.270
♪ I take a bad situation
Gonna make it right

1018
00:37:09.437 --> 00:37:10.563
Got it.

1019
00:37:10.646 --> 00:37:12.189
♪ She's not the one
coming back for you

1020
00:37:13.149 --> 00:37:15.151
Hey! Hey,
you son of a bitch!

1021
00:37:15.318 --> 00:37:17.236
Suck it! Suck it!

1022
00:37:17.778 --> 00:37:19.280
You're going to suck it!

1023
00:37:26.287 --> 00:37:28.205
<i>♪ If I fall back down</i>

1024
00:37:28.998 --> 00:37:30.166
Hello.

1025
00:37:30.541 --> 00:37:32.960
♪ Well, the worst of times,
now they don't phase me

1026
00:37:33.044 --> 00:37:35.212
♪ Even if I look
and act really crazy

1027
00:37:35.296 --> 00:37:37.048
♪ I went way down,
she betrayed me

1028
00:37:37.506 --> 00:37:41.802
♪ Now my vision is no longer hazy
I'm very lucky to have my crew

1029
00:37:42.136 --> 00:37:44.263
♪ They stood by me
when she flew

1030
00:37:44.347 --> 00:37:46.265
♪ She's not the one
coming back for you

1031
00:37:46.349 --> 00:37:48.434
<i>♪ If I fall back down</i>

1032
00:37:48.517 --> 00:37:50.436
♪ You're gonna
help me back up again

1033
00:37:50.519 --> 00:37:51.979
Classic, Doug!

1034
00:37:52.063 --> 00:37:54.899
<i>♪ If I fall back down,
you're gonna be my friend ♪</i>

1035
00:37:54.982 --> 00:37:56.525
Let's go,
let's go, let's go!

1036
00:37:57.693 --> 00:37:59.195
You got it?
All right, let's go.

1037
00:37:59.278 --> 00:38:00.321
Go, go!

1038
00:38:04.033 --> 00:38:05.034
What are you doing?

1039
00:38:05.117 --> 00:38:06.877
It's a trick
I learned in Vietnam.

1040
00:38:06.953 --> 00:38:08.663
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

1041
00:38:09.372 --> 00:38:11.499
Just prepping for
a little bit of this.

1042
00:38:11.582 --> 00:38:12.792
Tahiti?

1043
00:38:12.875 --> 00:38:13.875
Voted the number-one

1044
00:38:13.918 --> 00:38:15.628
most romantic
honeymoon destination.

1045
00:38:15.795 --> 00:38:16.796
That's amazing!

1046
00:38:16.879 --> 00:38:17.999
It's going to be incredible.

1047
00:38:18.005 --> 00:38:20.257
Oh, my gosh. Honey, that's...

1048
00:38:20.716 --> 00:38:22.301
Hey, what has gotten
into you this week?

1049
00:38:22.385 --> 00:38:24.220
I've just never
seen you so frisky.

1050
00:38:24.303 --> 00:38:26.013
I just feel really good
about everything.

1051
00:38:26.097 --> 00:38:27.417
We're getting married
on Saturday.

1052
00:38:27.473 --> 00:38:29.392
It's exciting. Your friends
are gonna be there.

1053
00:38:29.475 --> 00:38:30.795
My friends are
all gonna be there.

1054
00:38:30.893 --> 00:38:32.061
I just hope
it all goes smoothly.

1055
00:38:32.144 --> 00:38:33.479
I checked
the 10-day forecast.

1056
00:38:33.646 --> 00:38:36.232
Sweetie, it's LA. It's not
like it's going to rain.

1057
00:38:36.732 --> 00:38:37.984
What the fuck
did you just say?

1058
00:38:38.067 --> 00:38:39.777
Whoa.
Are you kidding?

1059
00:38:39.860 --> 00:38:40.860
What are you doing?

1060
00:38:40.903 --> 00:38:42.279
Why did you say
the fucking R-word?

1061
00:38:42.363 --> 00:38:43.698
Shh.
Calm down. Calm down.

1062
00:38:43.823 --> 00:38:45.700
I didn't say it was going to rain.

1063
00:38:46.033 --> 00:38:48.536
You just said it again. This
is twice now in two minutes.

1064
00:38:48.619 --> 00:38:49.912
Are you fucking serious?

1065
00:38:49.996 --> 00:38:50.997
Gretchen, calm down.

1066
00:38:51.080 --> 00:38:54.208
I just don't understand why you
continue to say this stupid shit.

1067
00:38:54.291 --> 00:38:56.419
Okay, you're right. But you know what?

1068
00:38:56.919 --> 00:38:59.547
We climbed
the glaciers of what?

1069
00:39:00.214 --> 00:39:01.298
Uh...

1070
00:39:01.382 --> 00:39:03.217
It was... It was, uh...

1071
00:39:03.551 --> 00:39:05.344
It's Patagonia.
Padronia.

1072
00:39:05.428 --> 00:39:06.428
Patagonia.

1073
00:39:06.470 --> 00:39:07.596
Political views?

1074
00:39:07.680 --> 00:39:08.723
Staunch Republican.
Got it.

1075
00:39:08.889 --> 00:39:11.392
Patagonia.
Pagon.

1076
00:39:11.767 --> 00:39:13.853
I'm a doctor.
What type?

1077
00:39:13.936 --> 00:39:16.147
Podiatrist.
Is that right?

1078
00:39:16.230 --> 00:39:18.024
I think that's right.
That's what it says?

1079
00:39:18.107 --> 00:39:19.358
Yeah. I'm a kid doctor.

1080
00:39:19.442 --> 00:39:20.609
No.

1081
00:39:20.735 --> 00:39:22.486
What are your views
on gluten?

1082
00:39:22.570 --> 00:39:23.779
It's a myth.

1083
00:39:23.863 --> 00:39:25.156
Pata...
Pata...

1084
00:39:25.239 --> 00:39:26.240
...go...

1085
00:39:26.574 --> 00:39:29.326
My name is Hobie Plunkett
and I collect...

1086
00:39:29.410 --> 00:39:31.454
Playbills.
Cabbage Patch Kids?

1087
00:39:31.537 --> 00:39:34.206
No, man, it's exotic pets,
you dumb motherfucker.

1088
00:39:34.290 --> 00:39:36.042
Dumb? You can't even say
"Patagonia," you idiot.

1089
00:39:36.125 --> 00:39:37.209
Garvey's family
owns a "blank" farm.

1090
00:39:37.293 --> 00:39:38.293
Chinchillas.

1091
00:39:38.335 --> 00:39:39.670
Nice.

1092
00:39:39.754 --> 00:39:41.589
Hey, come on, we have to
hammer out this toast, man.

1093
00:39:41.672 --> 00:39:42.715
Right.

1094
00:39:42.798 --> 00:39:44.592
They're going to want to
know why she's "the one."

1095
00:39:44.675 --> 00:39:46.595
It's like a band playing
their most popular song.

1096
00:39:46.677 --> 00:39:47.887
The crowd is just
waiting to hear it.

1097
00:39:47.970 --> 00:39:49.690
Let's start with
the first time you saw her.

1098
00:39:49.764 --> 00:39:52.892
Oh, she was
wearing a dress.

1099
00:39:52.975 --> 00:39:56.645
And she was pretty.

1100
00:39:58.314 --> 00:40:02.068
That's it? Why are you marrying her?
Why are you in love with her?

1101
00:40:02.151 --> 00:40:04.361
What makes her different than any
other girl that you ever met?

1102
00:40:04.445 --> 00:40:06.280
She talked to me.
She talked to you?

1103
00:40:06.363 --> 00:40:08.824
What? Yeah, seriously. Her dad
was a client at the firm.

1104
00:40:08.949 --> 00:40:10.409
I had seen her
a couple of times,

1105
00:40:10.493 --> 00:40:11.973
but she never gave me
the time of day.

1106
00:40:11.994 --> 00:40:15.247
And then one day I ran into
her, and it was just different.

1107
00:40:15.331 --> 00:40:17.750
She knew my name, she asked
me to go get a sandwich.

1108
00:40:17.833 --> 00:40:20.878
You're not helping me.
You have to dig deep.

1109
00:40:20.961 --> 00:40:23.089
Like, "From across the
room, she looked at me"

1110
00:40:23.172 --> 00:40:24.612
"and I swear it was like
slow motion.

1111
00:40:24.840 --> 00:40:28.469
"All the room stood still. I closed
my eyes and I reached out my hand,

1112
00:40:28.552 --> 00:40:30.179
"and in return,
I got a soul."

1113
00:40:30.262 --> 00:40:33.015
"And that's when I knew
that we were soul mates."

1114
00:40:33.099 --> 00:40:34.600
That's what I need, Doug.

1115
00:40:34.683 --> 00:40:36.102
But that's not real.

1116
00:40:39.605 --> 00:40:41.982
All right, Tonto.
Do you want to see real?

1117
00:40:45.528 --> 00:40:47.988
Yo!
Puta madre. I'm coming.

1118
00:40:50.282 --> 00:40:53.035
Hi! Oh, my God!

1119
00:40:53.452 --> 00:40:56.288
What a delightful surprise.

1120
00:40:56.372 --> 00:40:59.166
I wish you would have called before.
My place is a pig sty.

1121
00:40:59.250 --> 00:41:00.584
Eddie. Hey,
Eddie, stop. Stop.

1122
00:41:00.668 --> 00:41:02.169
No mas. He's one of us.

1123
00:41:02.253 --> 00:41:03.296
What the fuck, cabrón?

1124
00:41:03.379 --> 00:41:05.464
Yeah. What the hell
is going on here?

1125
00:41:05.589 --> 00:41:07.716
I want to introduce you
to Dirty Eddie Sanchez.

1126
00:41:09.051 --> 00:41:10.386
His family had
a wedding planning business

1127
00:41:10.469 --> 00:41:12.304
that was one of
the biggest in the city.

1128
00:41:12.388 --> 00:41:15.391
But, after Father of the Bride
came out on DVD and Blu-ray,

1129
00:41:15.724 --> 00:41:17.268
nobody wanted to take advice
from a Mexican kid

1130
00:41:17.351 --> 00:41:18.519
from Boyle Heights.

1131
00:41:18.686 --> 00:41:20.846
So, what he decided to do
was flame it up a little bit.

1132
00:41:21.480 --> 00:41:23.399
Hence, Edmundo.

1133
00:41:23.899 --> 00:41:25.192
Da-da-da-da!

1134
00:41:25.401 --> 00:41:26.610
Business skyrocketed.

1135
00:41:26.694 --> 00:41:29.280
This is so fucked up
on so many levels.

1136
00:41:29.697 --> 00:41:33.450
So, ese, why did you
bring him here?

1137
00:41:33.576 --> 00:41:35.496
He's taking this wedding
thing way too seriously.

1138
00:41:35.619 --> 00:41:38.747
All right, look, vato, weddings
are just overblown parties

1139
00:41:38.831 --> 00:41:41.208
direct from women's
unreasonable fantasies

1140
00:41:41.292 --> 00:41:43.586
and preconceived notions
that originated in childhood.

1141
00:41:43.752 --> 00:41:45.712
So, don't sweat the morality
of what you're doing.

1142
00:41:45.754 --> 00:41:48.257
Just make sure the bride
and her mother are happy.

1143
00:41:48.340 --> 00:41:50.050
We're in this together,
homie.

1144
00:41:50.259 --> 00:41:51.260
Is that your girl?

1145
00:41:51.343 --> 00:41:52.720
Fuck no.
That's my sister.

1146
00:41:53.470 --> 00:41:54.722
That's my girl.

1147
00:41:55.014 --> 00:41:56.765
What's up?
Oh, fuck.

1148
00:41:56.849 --> 00:41:58.100
Do you want some nachos?

1149
00:41:58.184 --> 00:41:59.226
I'm actually okay.

1150
00:41:59.310 --> 00:42:00.311
No, late before I came.

1151
00:42:00.394 --> 00:42:01.353
I'm sorry.
What did you just ask them?

1152
00:42:01.437 --> 00:42:02.438
I asked them if
they wanted nachos.

1153
00:42:02.521 --> 00:42:03.522
Nachos?

1154
00:42:03.606 --> 00:42:04.690
The guy's getting
married in a week

1155
00:42:04.773 --> 00:42:05.900
and you're gonna
offer him nachos?

1156
00:42:05.983 --> 00:42:08.027
Look at him! What do you think
cheese is going to do to him?

1157
00:42:08.110 --> 00:42:09.236
I thought
they wanted nachos.

1158
00:42:09.320 --> 00:42:10.446
Use your fucking head.

1159
00:42:10.613 --> 00:42:11.697
I'm going to take some.

1160
00:42:11.780 --> 00:42:12.780
Sit down, Jimmy!

1161
00:42:12.823 --> 00:42:14.366
I tried.

1162
00:42:16.785 --> 00:42:20.039
They've been together for some time now.
Nothing's going to happen.

1163
00:42:20.122 --> 00:42:21.540
What?
Nothing.

1164
00:42:21.624 --> 00:42:23.083
You guys make
a beautiful couple.

1165
00:42:23.167 --> 00:42:24.210
Bitches, right?

1166
00:42:25.794 --> 00:42:27.504
Do you want some weed?

1167
00:42:27.588 --> 00:42:28.631
No, no, I'm good.

1168
00:42:28.881 --> 00:42:30.841
♪ You put the weed
in the coconut

1169
00:42:30.925 --> 00:42:32.551
<i>♪ And light that shit up</i>

1170
00:42:32.718 --> 00:42:35.304
♪ You put the weed in the
coconut And light that shit up

1171
00:42:35.429 --> 00:42:37.306
Get him to sing it. Come on, white boy.
I'm good, I'm good.

1172
00:42:37.598 --> 00:42:39.798
♪ You put the weed in the
coconut And light that shit up

1173
00:42:39.808 --> 00:42:41.602
You're being disrespectful.
Sing the fucking song.

1174
00:42:41.685 --> 00:42:43.885
♪ You put the weed in the
coconut And light that shit up

1175
00:42:43.938 --> 00:42:46.315
♪ You
put the weed in the coconut

1176
00:42:46.398 --> 00:42:47.733
<i>♪ And light that shit up</i>

1177
00:42:48.067 --> 00:42:53.155
♪ You put the weed
in the coconut ♪

1178
00:42:56.450 --> 00:42:58.661
You two better not
fuck this up.

1179
00:42:58.953 --> 00:43:00.037
Why are we here?

1180
00:43:00.120 --> 00:43:01.956
It's called a dry run.
I do it with all my grooms.

1181
00:43:02.039 --> 00:43:03.916
I hate this stuff.

1182
00:43:03.999 --> 00:43:07.711
Hey, that's why we're here.
Groom desensitization, okay?

1183
00:43:07.795 --> 00:43:09.421
That's a rum and Coke.
That's your favorite, right?

1184
00:43:09.505 --> 00:43:10.464
Yeah. How did you know that?

1185
00:43:10.547 --> 00:43:12.174
I know everything, Doug.
Drink up.

1186
00:43:12.258 --> 00:43:14.009
All right, I want you to
keep reminding yourself that

1187
00:43:14.093 --> 00:43:15.173
weddings are for the women.

1188
00:43:15.219 --> 00:43:17.304
You're not supposed
to enjoy yourself, Doug.

1189
00:43:17.388 --> 00:43:19.265
If you were, there would
be big-screen TVs,

1190
00:43:19.348 --> 00:43:20.391
there would be gambling.

1191
00:43:20.474 --> 00:43:21.600
There's none of that there.

1192
00:43:21.684 --> 00:43:23.894
Okay, NAS
and we won't get caught.

1193
00:43:23.978 --> 00:43:25.396
Wait, what?

1194
00:43:25.479 --> 00:43:27.606
NAS, Doug.

1195
00:43:27.690 --> 00:43:30.859
Nod and smile.
All right? Let's go.

1196
00:43:34.029 --> 00:43:35.614
You all look good.

1197
00:43:36.865 --> 00:43:37.908
How are you, man?
Oh.

1198
00:43:40.369 --> 00:43:42.705
And I said, well,
put the money in the bag.

1199
00:43:44.665 --> 00:43:46.834
Hello.
Uh-oh. Showtime.

1200
00:43:47.209 --> 00:43:48.769
Now, is this guy also a pro?
Yeah!

1201
00:43:48.794 --> 00:43:50.212
No. This guy
is not a professional.

1202
00:43:51.380 --> 00:43:53.382
Just kidding. I'm just kidding.

1203
00:43:54.008 --> 00:43:56.427
The moment Chris asked me
to be his best man,

1204
00:43:56.510 --> 00:43:59.555
I sat down and I wrote
a pretty awesome speech.

1205
00:44:00.806 --> 00:44:03.726
But I don't know. I think I'd
rather speak from the heart.

1206
00:44:05.144 --> 00:44:06.145
Oh, don't do that.

1207
00:44:06.228 --> 00:44:08.068
Don't you rip that paper up.
You never do that.

1208
00:44:09.857 --> 00:44:12.192
Uh, you know, when Chris...

1209
00:44:13.027 --> 00:44:15.529
When Chris and I
first met, we, um...

1210
00:44:17.406 --> 00:44:18.699
Uh, well...

1211
00:44:19.533 --> 00:44:22.661
Chris and I have known
each other since, uh...

1212
00:44:26.332 --> 00:44:27.499
Mmm-mmm-mmm.

1213
00:44:29.543 --> 00:44:33.339
Chris and I, you know,
we did stuff together.

1214
00:44:37.468 --> 00:44:38.761
He's going to throw up
on the fucking bride.

1215
00:44:38.844 --> 00:44:42.848
And, um, Chris has been
like a brother to me.

1216
00:44:43.265 --> 00:44:46.101
Well, because
my real brother died.

1217
00:44:46.602 --> 00:44:49.021
No. Well, he didn't
die immediately.

1218
00:44:49.104 --> 00:44:52.149
They revived him in the ambulance,
and then, he died later.

1219
00:44:52.566 --> 00:44:53.567
Is he serious?

1220
00:44:55.444 --> 00:44:56.779
Adolf Hitler
once said...

1221
00:44:56.862 --> 00:44:58.447
Holy fucking shit.

1222
00:44:59.073 --> 00:45:00.949
- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, God.

1223
00:45:01.116 --> 00:45:02.201
I'm just going to...

1224
00:45:02.284 --> 00:45:05.788
There was this one thing
I wanted to reference.

1225
00:45:06.455 --> 00:45:09.458
You know what? Fuck it.
Wolverines, brother!

1226
00:45:09.917 --> 00:45:11.543
I love you. Thank you.

1227
00:45:11.627 --> 00:45:13.128
That's not
even the right way.

1228
00:45:13.212 --> 00:45:14.963
It's not an exit.

1229
00:45:15.756 --> 00:45:17.841
Okay. One, two...

1230
00:45:19.218 --> 00:45:21.011
♪ Ain't no mountain
high enough ♪

1231
00:45:21.095 --> 00:45:22.971
Are you okay?
Yeah.

1232
00:45:23.305 --> 00:45:25.140
Let's go dance.
No, thanks.

1233
00:45:25.307 --> 00:45:27.393
Douglas, you can hide
a fat ass in baggy pants,

1234
00:45:27.476 --> 00:45:28.936
but you cannot
hide a bad dancer.

1235
00:45:29.019 --> 00:45:30.145
Come on,
I'll teach you some basics.

1236
00:45:30.229 --> 00:45:31.397
I'm not dancing.

1237
00:45:31.480 --> 00:45:33.357
It is my job to make you look
good on your wedding day.

1238
00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:34.525
Now, I need you
to get comfortable

1239
00:45:34.608 --> 00:45:36.485
with being uncomfortable.
Come on.

1240
00:45:37.361 --> 00:45:39.238
Stop being a pussy.
Let's dance.

1241
00:45:44.493 --> 00:45:45.494
Come on, you lead.

1242
00:45:45.577 --> 00:45:46.829
No, I don't want to lead.

1243
00:45:46.912 --> 00:45:48.539
Okay, then, fine,
be the chick, Doug.

1244
00:45:48.997 --> 00:45:51.291
On second thought, I will lead.
Whatever, Doug.

1245
00:45:51.375 --> 00:45:52.855
Just follow me.
I really don't get it.

1246
00:46:02.177 --> 00:46:03.220
Back.

1247
00:46:04.930 --> 00:46:07.224
Nice rond de jambe.
Thanks.

1248
00:46:08.475 --> 00:46:09.768
Twelve years of
dance lessons.

1249
00:46:09.852 --> 00:46:11.979
My mom said, "One day,
they would come in handy."

1250
00:46:12.271 --> 00:46:13.939
I doubt this is
what she had in mind.

1251
00:46:15.482 --> 00:46:16.762
You asked how
a gal like Gretchen

1252
00:46:16.817 --> 00:46:18.193
could fall for
a yutz like me.

1253
00:46:18.444 --> 00:46:19.653
I took her dancing.

1254
00:46:19.945 --> 00:46:24.491
♪ Whoo! Now can you
hand jive, baby?

1255
00:46:24.575 --> 00:46:27.870
♪ Oh, can you hand jive, baby?

1256
00:46:27.995 --> 00:46:28.996
♪ Oh, yeah

1257
00:46:29.079 --> 00:46:30.872
♪ Oh, yeah

1258
00:46:31.832 --> 00:46:33.041
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

1259
00:46:33.792 --> 00:46:34.835
♪ Teach me how to dougie

1260
00:46:34.918 --> 00:46:36.238
♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie

1261
00:46:36.670 --> 00:46:37.671
♪ Teach me how to dougie

1262
00:46:37.754 --> 00:46:39.381
♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie

1263
00:46:39.465 --> 00:46:40.507
♪ All my women love me

1264
00:46:40.591 --> 00:46:42.092
♪ All my...
All my women love me

1265
00:46:42.176 --> 00:46:43.218
♪ All my women love me

1266
00:46:43.302 --> 00:46:44.845
♪ You ain't messing
with my dougie

1267
00:46:44.928 --> 00:46:46.096
♪ Teach me how to dougie

1268
00:46:46.180 --> 00:46:47.389
♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie

1269
00:46:47.473 --> 00:46:48.807
♪ Teach me how to dougie

1270
00:46:48.891 --> 00:46:50.291
♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie ♪

1271
00:46:50.642 --> 00:46:52.603
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

1272
00:46:52.728 --> 00:46:57.274
♪ La, la, la, la

1273
00:47:00.736 --> 00:47:04.072
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

1274
00:47:04.198 --> 00:47:06.325
♪ La, la, la, la

1275
00:47:07.201 --> 00:47:08.243
You bastard.

1276
00:47:11.246 --> 00:47:14.750
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

1277
00:47:15.375 --> 00:47:18.545
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
Oh.

1278
00:47:48.575 --> 00:47:49.826
Hey!

1279
00:47:53.205 --> 00:47:56.750
So, I get a call out of
nowhere, a guy I went to school with.

1280
00:47:56.917 --> 00:47:58.835
I barely even knew the kid.

1281
00:47:58.919 --> 00:48:02.422
He goes,
"I just got engaged."

1282
00:48:02.631 --> 00:48:05.801
Naturally, I go, "Great.
Congratulations."

1283
00:48:07.427 --> 00:48:10.514
Then, he says,
"Can you be my best man?"

1284
00:48:10.597 --> 00:48:12.140
I barely knew the kid.

1285
00:48:12.224 --> 00:48:14.309
Wow, that is so weird.

1286
00:48:14.393 --> 00:48:16.687
So, I get to thinking, "What's
the worst that can happen?"

1287
00:48:16.853 --> 00:48:19.648
The guy's wedding party
consisted of me,

1288
00:48:20.566 --> 00:48:22.150
the bride's brother,

1289
00:48:22.651 --> 00:48:25.153
and this Filipino
exchange student.

1290
00:48:25.612 --> 00:48:27.531
And it was so sad, Doug.

1291
00:48:27.614 --> 00:48:30.075
Everybody is thinking,
"Why in the hell"

1292
00:48:30.158 --> 00:48:32.327
"would this woman
marry this loser?"

1293
00:48:32.411 --> 00:48:35.914
So, I grab the microphone and
I just get to talking about

1294
00:48:35.998 --> 00:48:40.669
how we climbed the Himalayas,
how we fished for sharks,

1295
00:48:41.003 --> 00:48:43.839
how this guy saved me in
a barroom brawl one time.

1296
00:48:43.922 --> 00:48:45.340
So much bullshit.

1297
00:48:45.674 --> 00:48:50.012
And I look over and I see the bride.
She's got his arm, Doug.

1298
00:48:50.095 --> 00:48:53.140
She's got his arm so tight
and she's glowing.

1299
00:48:53.515 --> 00:48:56.018
Because she's marrying
this amazing guy.

1300
00:48:56.101 --> 00:48:59.104
This man comes up
to me and goes, "Wow."

1301
00:49:00.022 --> 00:49:01.857
"I would pay money"

1302
00:49:02.357 --> 00:49:05.027
"to have somebody talk like
that about me at my wedding."

1303
00:49:06.194 --> 00:49:07.362
Light bulb.

1304
00:49:08.030 --> 00:49:11.491
That's the day that this
wedding hustle was born.

1305
00:49:11.575 --> 00:49:14.536
That's the day that I
became The Wedding Ringer.

1306
00:49:21.918 --> 00:49:23.045
I, uh...

1307
00:49:23.128 --> 00:49:27.215
Now, I don't want you to think
that I'm some sort of schmuck

1308
00:49:27.299 --> 00:49:28.842
who doesn't have
any friends.

1309
00:49:28.925 --> 00:49:29.926
No.

1310
00:49:30.052 --> 00:49:31.637
You know, my father,

1311
00:49:31.720 --> 00:49:33.639
he was an international
tax attorney, right?

1312
00:49:33.722 --> 00:49:35.974
So, we moved around
all the time.

1313
00:49:37.351 --> 00:49:40.312
I went to 13 different
schools by the eighth grade.

1314
00:49:40.395 --> 00:49:42.064
I lived on four
different continents.

1315
00:49:42.189 --> 00:49:44.733
And after a while
I just figured,

1316
00:49:45.651 --> 00:49:47.277
"Why even make
friends anymore?"

1317
00:49:47.736 --> 00:49:50.364
"I'm just going to have to move, anyway.
What's the point?"

1318
00:49:50.864 --> 00:49:55.452
And then, when my dad died,
I took over the business.

1319
00:49:56.078 --> 00:49:59.081
I was just working so much.
I was working too much.

1320
00:50:00.499 --> 00:50:02.209
Am I a loser?

1321
00:50:04.169 --> 00:50:05.253
No.

1322
00:50:06.421 --> 00:50:08.061
This is what you have
to understand, Doug.

1323
00:50:10.258 --> 00:50:12.386
Some people are just loners.

1324
00:50:13.679 --> 00:50:15.097
It's that simple, man.

1325
00:50:16.223 --> 00:50:17.933
Maybe I don't
want to be.

1326
00:50:18.183 --> 00:50:21.436
Maybe I just want someone
to grab a beer with,

1327
00:50:23.188 --> 00:50:26.566
to go on
a cool guy trip with.

1328
00:50:27.651 --> 00:50:29.444
You've never been
on a guy trip, Doug?

1329
00:50:30.445 --> 00:50:34.741
Cabo, Cancun, spring break? You've
never done anything like that?

1330
00:50:35.075 --> 00:50:37.369
I never really had
anyone to go with.

1331
00:50:45.377 --> 00:50:46.795
Good night, Tonto.

1332
00:50:48.463 --> 00:50:49.965
I gotta say,
it feels really good

1333
00:50:50.048 --> 00:50:51.591
to have somebody
looking out for me.

1334
00:50:51.883 --> 00:50:53.135
I got your back, man.

1335
00:50:53.343 --> 00:50:56.805
I like that.
And I got your back, too.

1336
00:51:03.145 --> 00:51:04.479
Hey, Doug.

1337
00:51:04.855 --> 00:51:06.857
I like you, man.
I think you're a great guy.

1338
00:51:07.023 --> 00:51:09.583
I just want you to remember that
this is a business relationship.

1339
00:51:09.776 --> 00:51:11.403
It doesn't mean that we're
going to be best friends.

1340
00:51:11.486 --> 00:51:12.904
That's not how
this story ends.

1341
00:51:13.488 --> 00:51:15.782
I'm just an employee with a job to do.
I get it.

1342
00:51:16.241 --> 00:51:19.119
You're not my best friend.
You're just my best man.

1343
00:51:19.202 --> 00:51:20.620
In one week,
Bic will be on a plane

1344
00:51:20.704 --> 00:51:22.080
headed back to
the Middle East.

1345
00:51:22.164 --> 00:51:24.666
Three months from now, he'll get
killed in a tragic: grenade accident

1346
00:51:24.750 --> 00:51:27.669
while giving an impromptu
sermon on the back of a Humvee.

1347
00:51:29.838 --> 00:51:32.132
It doesn't mean that we're not
going to have a good time, Doug.

1348
00:51:32.215 --> 00:51:33.925
I said I got it.

1349
00:51:34.134 --> 00:51:38.221
You're anybody's best friend for a
price, but nobody's when it counts.

1350
00:51:57.199 --> 00:51:59.039
Is everything okay?
What's the matter with you?

1351
00:52:00.243 --> 00:52:01.328
I don't know.

1352
00:52:02.537 --> 00:52:03.747
Well, now.

1353
00:52:04.498 --> 00:52:07.000
I never expected
the "Jimmy Callahan"

1354
00:52:07.083 --> 00:52:09.544
to get all soft-eyed
over a client.

1355
00:52:09.628 --> 00:52:12.047
No, no, it's not like that.

1356
00:52:12.547 --> 00:52:14.382
All I do is go
from job to job,

1357
00:52:14.466 --> 00:52:16.218
saving these losers
with no friends.

1358
00:52:16.384 --> 00:52:17.385
Losers?

1359
00:52:18.428 --> 00:52:19.721
Come on, Jimmy.

1360
00:52:21.973 --> 00:52:24.643
They're not losers.
They're just guys.

1361
00:52:26.228 --> 00:52:29.147
They don't share their private,
deep emotional feelings

1362
00:52:29.231 --> 00:52:30.565
with each other
like women do.

1363
00:52:31.274 --> 00:52:32.442
Women are nurturers.

1364
00:52:32.901 --> 00:52:35.570
We sit and listen to
each other's problems.

1365
00:52:36.238 --> 00:52:38.031
Which is why we're
always so miserable,

1366
00:52:38.114 --> 00:52:40.242
from all that
goddamn listening.

1367
00:52:40.325 --> 00:52:42.953
You should
count your blessings.

1368
00:52:44.329 --> 00:52:45.914
I still think
they're losers.

1369
00:52:46.248 --> 00:52:49.501
Well, maybe you're right. But
let me ask you this, Jimmy.

1370
00:52:50.252 --> 00:52:53.129
If you ever found a woman
crazy enough to marry you,

1371
00:52:54.923 --> 00:52:57.008
who would be your best man?

1372
00:53:01.596 --> 00:53:06.142
See, this all started because you
wanted to make a guy feel good.

1373
00:53:07.811 --> 00:53:10.522
Do you remember how good you felt
the first time you did this?

1374
00:53:11.648 --> 00:53:13.316
Well, you've lost that.

1375
00:53:14.442 --> 00:53:17.070
You've become jaded
with all your rules.

1376
00:53:17.279 --> 00:53:20.407
You forgot what got you into this
business in the first place.

1377
00:53:21.366 --> 00:53:23.702
Your ability to be a friend,

1378
00:53:24.828 --> 00:53:26.621
to change someone's life.

1379
00:53:31.710 --> 00:53:33.587
Now, Jimmy,
we have less than a week

1380
00:53:33.670 --> 00:53:36.131
to pull off
the first ever Golden Tux.

1381
00:53:36.715 --> 00:53:39.467
So, I'm going to need you to
stop crying like a little girl,

1382
00:53:39.551 --> 00:53:40.802
strap on a pair,

1383
00:53:40.886 --> 00:53:43.722
stop wasting time
feeling sorry for yourself,

1384
00:53:43.805 --> 00:53:45.807
and let's bring
this shit home.

1385
00:53:51.771 --> 00:53:53.565
Doug Harris, right?
Uh, yeah.

1386
00:53:53.648 --> 00:53:54.928
Come here, you little shit.
Wait!

1387
00:53:54.941 --> 00:53:56.701
Have you ever been to the 'hood?
Here you go.

1388
00:53:57.444 --> 00:54:00.322
Somebody help me! I'm not Doug Harris!

1389
00:54:00.405 --> 00:54:01.698
Why did you kick me
in my balls?

1390
00:54:01.781 --> 00:54:03.408
Help me! No!

1391
00:54:03.491 --> 00:54:04.868
Throw his ass in the truck!

1392
00:54:04.951 --> 00:54:06.119
Get back there!

1393
00:54:06.244 --> 00:54:07.454
Go, go, go!

1394
00:54:10.415 --> 00:54:12.417
I'm not strapped in!

1395
00:54:13.668 --> 00:54:15.128
What was that?
Shit!

1396
00:54:17.339 --> 00:54:19.716
Oh, God, which way
is the sidewalk?

1397
00:54:19.799 --> 00:54:21.509
Doug, don't move!

1398
00:54:29.351 --> 00:54:32.896
Someone help me!
Please, God! Please!

1399
00:54:33.355 --> 00:54:34.940
I'm begging you!

1400
00:54:37.651 --> 00:54:38.818
Help!

1401
00:54:40.570 --> 00:54:42.238
Anybody!

1402
00:54:53.041 --> 00:54:54.459
Take his pants off!

1403
00:54:56.419 --> 00:54:57.712
You pay for the Golden Tux,

1404
00:54:57.796 --> 00:54:59.556
you get a bachelor party,
you son of a bitch!

1405
00:55:01.591 --> 00:55:05.553
To the house!
Don't pop that shit!

1406
00:55:13.895 --> 00:55:15.605
Hey. Hi.

1407
00:55:15.689 --> 00:55:16.940
Oh.
Nadia.

1408
00:55:17.399 --> 00:55:19.484
Hi. I'm Doug. Doug Harris.

1409
00:55:22.445 --> 00:55:23.780
Do you speak English?

1410
00:55:23.947 --> 00:55:25.240
Oh.

1411
00:55:25.323 --> 00:55:26.825
Have you ever been
to a Dodger game?

1412
00:55:26.908 --> 00:55:28.743
Do you like the Dodgers?

1413
00:55:28.827 --> 00:55:30.245
Oh, this is happening.
Shh!

1414
00:55:30.328 --> 00:55:31.496
Okay, so,
here's the deal.

1415
00:55:31.579 --> 00:55:34.165
I'm about to get married to
this great girl, Gretchen.

1416
00:55:34.416 --> 00:55:36.584
Oh! Gee!

1417
00:55:37.085 --> 00:55:38.086
Shh!
Um...

1418
00:55:38.169 --> 00:55:39.671
Oh, boy!

1419
00:55:41.715 --> 00:55:44.092
On second thought,
I've got a better idea.

1420
00:55:44.300 --> 00:55:48.847
♪ Party and bullshit
And party and bullshit

1421
00:55:48.930 --> 00:55:53.977
♪ And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit

1422
00:55:54.060 --> 00:55:56.479
♪ And party and bullshit

1423
00:55:57.022 --> 00:56:00.358
Isn't this so much more fun
than sucking my dick?

1424
00:56:00.775 --> 00:56:02.444
To Dougie!

1425
00:56:02.610 --> 00:56:04.530
♪ Hugs from the honeys
Pounds from the roughnecks

1426
00:56:04.571 --> 00:56:07.032
♪ Seen my man Sei
that I knew from the projects

1427
00:56:07.115 --> 00:56:09.492
♪ Said he had beef,
asked me if I had my piece

1428
00:56:09.617 --> 00:56:11.703
♪ Sure do
I'm a bad boy

1429
00:56:12.078 --> 00:56:14.372
♪ Niggaz wanna front, who got your back?
♪ Biggie

1430
00:56:14.456 --> 00:56:17.000
♪ Niggaz wanna flex Who got the gat?
♪ Biggie

1431
00:56:17.083 --> 00:56:19.377
♪ It ain't hard to tell
I'm the east coast overdoser

1432
00:56:19.461 --> 00:56:20.754
♪ Brand-Nubian shit
beatin' down punks!

1433
00:56:20.837 --> 00:56:22.338
This is for Dougie!

1434
00:56:22.422 --> 00:56:26.551
♪ Party and bullshit
And party and bullshit

1435
00:56:26.634 --> 00:56:29.220
♪ And party and bullshit

1436
00:56:29.554 --> 00:56:30.680
I can't swim!

1437
00:56:31.639 --> 00:56:36.227
♪ And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit

1438
00:56:36.311 --> 00:56:38.646
♪ And party and bullshit

1439
00:56:38.730 --> 00:56:40.273
Yo, where are the women at?

1440
00:56:40.356 --> 00:56:42.358
Did you touch my dick?
Okay, I'm sorry.

1441
00:56:43.193 --> 00:56:45.320
All right, guys.
This is for Dougie!

1442
00:56:45.403 --> 00:56:46.863
This is
the running of the balls!

1443
00:56:46.946 --> 00:56:49.074
Start the machine! Ready!

1444
00:56:49.741 --> 00:56:50.742
Ahhh!

1445
00:56:51.659 --> 00:56:53.203
No! No!

1446
00:56:55.747 --> 00:56:58.708
♪ And bullshit
And party and bullshit

1447
00:56:59.000 --> 00:57:01.669
♪ And party and bullshit

1448
00:57:04.380 --> 00:57:06.883
♪ And party and bullshit ♪

1449
00:57:07.383 --> 00:57:09.219
All right.
What is happening here?

1450
00:57:09.302 --> 00:57:11.096
I don't like being...

1451
00:57:11.179 --> 00:57:12.180
Hey, hey. Shut up.

1452
00:57:12.263 --> 00:57:14.724
It's about you having
a good goddamn time, man.

1453
00:57:15.100 --> 00:57:16.768
Nadia.
No!

1454
00:57:16.851 --> 00:57:19.132
Nadia! Nadia!
We got through this already.

1455
00:57:19.771 --> 00:57:21.773
You smell so sweet.

1456
00:57:21.856 --> 00:57:23.358
Ohh!

1457
00:57:23.441 --> 00:57:25.485
Lick that
nutty butter!

1458
00:57:25.568 --> 00:57:27.737
Nadia, you don't
have to do this.

1459
00:57:29.531 --> 00:57:31.199
What? Wait.

1460
00:57:31.741 --> 00:57:32.867
Oh, oh!

1461
00:57:34.410 --> 00:57:37.080
Fletcher!
Fletcher! Fletcher!

1462
00:57:37.247 --> 00:57:38.873
Nadia, do not
give me a fletcher.

1463
00:57:41.751 --> 00:57:43.545
Okay, this shit's gone far enough!

1464
00:57:46.506 --> 00:57:47.966
Oh, Nadia, no!

1465
00:57:48.758 --> 00:57:51.302
Oh, God, it feels so good,
but I don't want you to.

1466
00:57:51.386 --> 00:57:52.470
Talk me through it, Doug!

1467
00:57:52.554 --> 00:57:55.223
It feels so scruffy and wet.

1468
00:57:55.974 --> 00:57:58.726
Why are you
licking so rapidly?

1469
00:57:59.519 --> 00:58:00.728
I love my fiancée,
I love my fiancée.

1470
00:58:00.812 --> 00:58:02.188
How does that feel?

1471
00:58:08.903 --> 00:58:11.239
Oh, God! Okay! Okay!

1472
00:58:17.245 --> 00:58:18.329
Oh, shit!

1473
00:58:19.497 --> 00:58:20.874
When you pull, it hurts!

1474
00:58:22.500 --> 00:58:23.585
Stick a finger in his ass!

1475
00:58:23.668 --> 00:58:25.461
Not my ass,
the dog's ass!

1476
00:58:25.545 --> 00:58:27.172
- It's not working!
- Get it off!

1477
00:58:31.134 --> 00:58:33.178
What the fuck, Plunkett?
Oh, shit.

1478
00:58:33.261 --> 00:58:35.263
I didn't shoot him. I shot up.
That dog is dead.

1479
00:58:36.598 --> 00:58:37.758
I just
tried to scare him off.

1480
00:58:37.807 --> 00:58:39.127
Shit, the fucking dog
has lockjaw.

1481
00:58:39.142 --> 00:58:40.185
It must have had
a heart attack.

1482
00:58:40.268 --> 00:58:42.937
There's a
dead dog on my dick.

1483
00:58:43.313 --> 00:58:44.713
I've got to get
to a hospital, guys.

1484
00:58:44.772 --> 00:58:45.892
His dick is bleeding!

1485
00:58:45.940 --> 00:58:47.025
The hospital's right
around the corner, okay?

1486
00:58:47.108 --> 00:58:48.109
You have to hold on.

1487
00:58:48.276 --> 00:58:49.277
Hurry up, Lou.

1488
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:51.279
Every time it moves,
it hurts!

1489
00:58:51.362 --> 00:58:53.156
Where's the alcohol?
Somebody give me the alcohol!

1490
00:58:53.239 --> 00:58:54.282
Just breathe, Dougie!

1491
00:58:54.365 --> 00:58:55.491
That just burns!

1492
00:58:55.658 --> 00:58:57.493
Whoa, whoa!
Red light, red light!

1493
00:58:59.787 --> 00:59:01.789
- What the fuck was that?
- Was that a cop?

1494
00:59:01.873 --> 00:59:02.957
No, it was just a cab.

1495
00:59:05.001 --> 00:59:06.419
Shit! We have open
bottles in here.

1496
00:59:06.502 --> 00:59:09.380
I can't go back to jail!
I'm tired of fucking dudes!

1497
00:59:09.464 --> 00:59:11.424
You were the rapist?
Finish your bottles!

1498
00:59:11.507 --> 00:59:13.551
Everybody, chill out!
Put the bottles down,

1499
00:59:13.635 --> 00:59:15.511
put your drugs away.
Do you hear me?

1500
00:59:15.637 --> 00:59:17.180
This is Marci's
father's van.

1501
00:59:17.263 --> 00:59:18.264
I'm only 15!

1502
00:59:19.432 --> 00:59:20.516
Pullover.

1503
00:59:20.600 --> 00:59:22.352
Lou, you have to pull
the fucking car over.

1504
00:59:22.727 --> 00:59:23.853
Pull the fucking car over.

1505
00:59:23.937 --> 00:59:25.730
Oh, God,
Marci's going to kill me.

1506
00:59:25.855 --> 00:59:27.023
You're going to
get through this, man.

1507
00:59:27.106 --> 00:59:28.107
This isn't going to be long.

1508
00:59:28.191 --> 00:59:29.484
Get me
out of the car.

1509
00:59:29.567 --> 00:59:31.194
They're going to think
I kidnapped this white girl.

1510
00:59:31.319 --> 00:59:33.112
Take it. Take the gun. I don't
want this motherfucker, man.

1511
00:59:33.196 --> 00:59:34.239
No! You take it back.

1512
00:59:34.322 --> 00:59:35.922
Shush! Shut up.
You talk too much.

1513
00:59:35.990 --> 00:59:37.367
I don't want it.
Take it.

1514
00:59:37.825 --> 00:59:40.453
Put it in your titties. I'm
not going to jail for this.

1515
00:59:41.037 --> 00:59:42.705
I can still see it.

1516
00:59:43.122 --> 00:59:46.542
Shut up! This is real!
Everybody look normal. Okay?

1517
00:59:55.718 --> 00:59:57.011
Have you guys been
drinking tonight?

1518
00:59:57.095 --> 00:59:58.513
No, sir.

1519
01:00:00.473 --> 01:00:01.599
Not even a little bit?

1520
01:00:01.683 --> 01:00:02.725
No.

1521
01:00:07.897 --> 01:00:09.774
Are you all right, sir?
Uh-huh.

1522
01:00:09.857 --> 01:00:10.900
Is that a dog?

1523
01:00:13.027 --> 01:00:14.946
Yeah. Why is his mouth
on your genitals?

1524
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:17.657
Oh, God.

1525
01:00:23.705 --> 01:00:25.373
Lou, what the
fuck are you doing?

1526
01:00:25.456 --> 01:00:27.709
What in the fuck, Lou?

1527
01:00:30.211 --> 01:00:31.838
Stop the car, you old dick!

1528
01:00:33.423 --> 01:00:34.924
Lou, watch the Buick
on your right!

1529
01:00:37.427 --> 01:00:40.596
Do you have to hit
every single meter, Lou?

1530
01:00:42.181 --> 01:00:45.226
- Come on, what are you doing, Lou?
- No guts, no glory!

1531
01:00:47.937 --> 01:00:48.938
It's a one-way street!

1532
01:00:49.022 --> 01:00:50.222
I know!
It's the way I'm going!

1533
01:00:50.315 --> 01:00:51.941
Look out! BRONSTEIN:
Stop the car!

1534
01:00:54.360 --> 01:00:55.360
I hate you, Lou!

1535
01:00:55.403 --> 01:00:56.446
Fuck, Lou, stop!

1536
01:01:00.033 --> 01:01:01.117
Lou, this is a closed road!

1537
01:01:01.200 --> 01:01:02.440
You're going
the wrong way, Lou!

1538
01:01:02.452 --> 01:01:04.495
I don't have a
fucking seat belt on, Lou!

1539
01:01:05.705 --> 01:01:08.750
Holy shit!
There's a gap in the bridge!

1540
01:01:11.836 --> 01:01:13.129
We're all
going to die!

1541
01:01:13.212 --> 01:01:14.255
Oh, my God!

1542
01:01:14.756 --> 01:01:16.507
No!

1543
01:01:29.645 --> 01:01:31.022
Oh, my God!

1544
01:01:31.105 --> 01:01:32.345
We made it!

1545
01:01:33.066 --> 01:01:35.693
Yeah!
Suck on this, copper.

1546
01:01:43.326 --> 01:01:44.410
Nadia.

1547
01:01:44.911 --> 01:01:47.914
Hey. You waited
all night for me?

1548
01:01:49.582 --> 01:01:50.917
You know, last night,

1549
01:01:52.502 --> 01:01:54.504
that was the greatest night
of my entire life.

1550
01:01:56.923 --> 01:02:00.468
I don't think I've ever felt a
connection to anybody like that before.

1551
01:02:01.969 --> 01:02:04.305
I know you can't
understand any of this.

1552
01:02:07.350 --> 01:02:08.684
But I...
Tonto.

1553
01:02:09.102 --> 01:02:10.102
How is it hanging?

1554
01:02:10.144 --> 01:02:12.397
I'm kind of numb.

1555
01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:13.898
What did they do?

1556
01:02:13.981 --> 01:02:15.566
Oh, they put some stitches
in your penis head.

1557
01:02:15.650 --> 01:02:16.984
The doctor said
you'll be okay, though.

1558
01:02:17.110 --> 01:02:18.194
Come on,
kiss her goodbye.

1559
01:02:19.862 --> 01:02:23.282
I've gotta go. It was really
great getting to know you.

1560
01:02:36.295 --> 01:02:38.381
It was great
getting to know you, too.

1561
01:02:40.508 --> 01:02:42.427
Wait. You speak English?

1562
01:02:42.510 --> 01:02:44.178
Thanks for having me
out again, Jimmy.

1563
01:02:44.929 --> 01:02:46.931
Doug here
is a real keeper.

1564
01:02:48.474 --> 01:02:51.269
Call me sometime. Maybe we
can catch a Dodger game.

1565
01:02:55.314 --> 01:02:57.233
"Dodger game" is
code-word for fucking.

1566
01:03:00.695 --> 01:03:01.737
Fellows.

1567
01:03:02.363 --> 01:03:03.448
Where's Lou?

1568
01:03:03.531 --> 01:03:05.116
Lou had to go away
for a while.

1569
01:03:05.199 --> 01:03:07.368
He said it was
worth it, though.

1570
01:03:10.705 --> 01:03:11.789
Burn this.

1571
01:03:16.919 --> 01:03:21.340
I haven't felt this good,
this happy since...

1572
01:03:21.424 --> 01:03:22.508
Since ever.

1573
01:03:22.758 --> 01:03:24.385
Did you take one of those pills
Plunkett was handing out?

1574
01:03:24.427 --> 01:03:26.345
The ones that looked like Altoids?
Yes! Did you take one?

1575
01:03:26.429 --> 01:03:27.909
Yeah, I took one.
What did I tell you?

1576
01:03:27.930 --> 01:03:29.432
You said don't take anything
that looks like drugs.

1577
01:03:29.557 --> 01:03:31.350
Then why did you take it? Because
it looked like an Altoid.

1578
01:03:31.434 --> 01:03:32.477
It wasn't an Altoid, Doug.

1579
01:03:32.560 --> 01:03:33.686
Nah, I realized that
soon after.

1580
01:03:33.769 --> 01:03:36.439
I said, "Stay your ass away from
Plunkett." Didn't I tell you that?

1581
01:03:37.523 --> 01:03:39.233
Now, I know
none of this is real,

1582
01:03:39.317 --> 01:03:41.569
but it's good to be
one of the guys.

1583
01:03:41.777 --> 01:03:43.196
It really is.

1584
01:03:50.244 --> 01:03:52.205
Come on. Let's go get
you cleaned up, man.

1585
01:03:56.125 --> 01:03:58.836
So, uh, let's just go and
knock this thing out, man.

1586
01:03:58.920 --> 01:04:01.422
We'll make you look great,
rock your wedding,

1587
01:04:01.923 --> 01:04:05.676
send you off to Tahiti so you
can blow Gretchen's back out.

1588
01:04:05.760 --> 01:04:07.428
Knock her back loose.

1589
01:04:07.512 --> 01:04:10.473
And then, we ship Father Bic:
off to his untimely death.

1590
01:04:16.270 --> 01:04:19.315
I was thinking about what you asked
me the other day about Gretchen.

1591
01:04:19.398 --> 01:04:20.399
Mmm-hmm.

1592
01:04:20.483 --> 01:04:23.361
And on our third date,
she said something

1593
01:04:23.444 --> 01:04:24.684
about wanting to
start a family,

1594
01:04:24.737 --> 01:04:26.030
how she was
ready to have kids.

1595
01:04:26.489 --> 01:04:28.950
And I don't know, ever
since I lost my family,

1596
01:04:30.243 --> 01:04:31.843
I've always wanted
to make one of my own.

1597
01:04:34.956 --> 01:04:36.165
Hey, do me a favor.

1598
01:04:36.249 --> 01:04:38.376
Be very gentle with my car.
I've seen your car...

1599
01:04:38.459 --> 01:04:40.044
Ain't nobody gonna
mess up this shit.

1600
01:04:40.127 --> 01:04:41.128
Okay.

1601
01:04:41.212 --> 01:04:42.588
Why don't you go put
some ice on your dick?

1602
01:04:42.672 --> 01:04:44.715
Yeah. No kidding,
right? God.

1603
01:04:46.008 --> 01:04:47.385
Hello.
I got a problem.

1604
01:04:47.468 --> 01:04:48.588
I can't be there
on Saturday.

1605
01:04:48.636 --> 01:04:49.804
What are you
talking about, Garv?

1606
01:04:49.887 --> 01:04:51.514
Marci's dad found a butt plug
in the glove compartment.

1607
01:04:51.597 --> 01:04:52.640
She knows I'm working
with you again.

1608
01:04:52.723 --> 01:04:54.976
I had to promise to fix the kitchen
cabinets to get her to calm down.

1609
01:04:55.059 --> 01:04:56.269
No. You're going to be there.
Do you hear me?

1610
01:04:56.352 --> 01:04:58.229
I'll call Marci myself. Is
that what you want me to do?

1611
01:04:58.312 --> 01:04:59.397
I'll tell her about Kokomo.

1612
01:04:59.480 --> 01:05:01.232
Lurch,
where are you?

1613
01:05:01.315 --> 01:05:02.608
Look, Jimmy, come on.
No, don't "Look, Jimmy" me.

1614
01:05:02.692 --> 01:05:03.734
I'm not playing the
"Look, Jimmy" game.

1615
01:05:03.818 --> 01:05:05.194
No, we all made a pact.

1616
01:05:05.278 --> 01:05:07.358
You said the kitchen cabinets
would be done by today.

1617
01:05:07.363 --> 01:05:09.282
Just tell Marci that you'll do
the kitchen cabinets on Sunday.

1618
01:05:09.365 --> 01:05:10.992
Jimmy, go die in a fire!
I hate you.

1619
01:05:11.325 --> 01:05:13.619
I hope your dick
gets chopped off.

1620
01:05:13.703 --> 01:05:15.246
Roger Delta Niner.

1621
01:05:15.329 --> 01:05:17.915
And may God bless
whoever else is on this.

1622
01:05:19.709 --> 01:05:22.128
Hey.
Who is Jimmy?

1623
01:05:23.713 --> 01:05:26.340
Jimmy is actually a tag.

1624
01:05:26.507 --> 01:05:27.800
It's a tag name.
Military code.

1625
01:05:27.883 --> 01:05:29.176
Military code?

1626
01:05:29.552 --> 01:05:31.512
So, I suppose
I shouldn't pry into

1627
01:05:31.596 --> 01:05:34.098
the meaning of "kitchen
cabinets" then, either.

1628
01:05:34.181 --> 01:05:37.727
For your safety, no. I would
kind of leave it alone.

1629
01:05:38.060 --> 01:05:40.062
All right, I'll see
you at the rehearsal dinner.

1630
01:05:40.146 --> 01:05:41.522
See you then.

1631
01:05:42.148 --> 01:05:43.899
Father.
Okay.

1632
01:05:45.318 --> 01:05:46.819
Oh, God.

1633
01:05:49.655 --> 01:05:52.033
Six violins,
two violas, two cellos,

1634
01:05:52.283 --> 01:05:53.701
one contrabass,
one electric bass,

1635
01:05:53.784 --> 01:05:56.287
two guitars, one drum set,
and I'll be singing.

1636
01:05:56.370 --> 01:05:58.748
And your first dance
will be to what song?

1637
01:05:58.914 --> 01:06:01.667
To our song,
You Are So Beautiful.

1638
01:06:04.253 --> 01:06:06.464
That's by Joe Cooker.
Thanks.

1639
01:06:08.257 --> 01:06:10.259
What?
That's not our song.

1640
01:06:10.593 --> 01:06:12.219
That's not our song.

1641
01:06:12.303 --> 01:06:14.138
Honey, of course it is.

1642
01:06:14.221 --> 01:06:15.598
No, it's not.

1643
01:06:15.681 --> 01:06:17.433
Yeah. Babe,
don't you remember?

1644
01:06:17.558 --> 01:06:20.978
Your broken CD player repeated
it over and over and over

1645
01:06:21.062 --> 01:06:22.563
the first time
we made love.

1646
01:06:23.230 --> 01:06:24.815
Oh.
It was so amazing.

1647
01:06:25.941 --> 01:06:27.818
That wasn't me.

1648
01:06:27.902 --> 01:06:30.529
That was your ex, Steve.

1649
01:06:30.780 --> 01:06:32.031
And I know that
because you've told me

1650
01:06:32.114 --> 01:06:34.075
this story about five times.

1651
01:06:34.784 --> 01:06:36.369
So...
Oh.

1652
01:06:38.913 --> 01:06:41.540
Well, you know, honey, it's
still such a beautiful song.

1653
01:06:41.624 --> 01:06:44.126
I mean, when you
really listen to the words.

1654
01:06:44.210 --> 01:06:46.962
Honey, it's my favorite.
Please.

1655
01:06:50.383 --> 01:06:51.384
Sure.

1656
01:06:52.259 --> 01:06:53.511
Yay.

1657
01:06:53.594 --> 01:06:55.096
I'm going to need a deposit.

1658
01:06:55.596 --> 01:06:57.848
Gentlemen,
in these wallets,

1659
01:06:57.932 --> 01:07:00.643
you have a license,
credit cards,

1660
01:07:00.726 --> 01:07:04.146
and $300 cash.

1661
01:07:04.438 --> 01:07:05.981
These bags here
contain your suits

1662
01:07:06.065 --> 01:07:08.275
for the rehearsal dinner
as well as the wedding.

1663
01:07:08.359 --> 01:07:12.488
You guys get some rest. We leave
for the high school at 0800.

1664
01:07:13.155 --> 01:07:15.449
What are we doing
at the high school?

1665
01:07:18.953 --> 01:07:20.204
Hey, Dad.

1666
01:07:20.287 --> 01:07:21.580
Don't ever call me Dad.

1667
01:07:21.831 --> 01:07:24.417
So, we were thinking maybe the
field's a little too muddy today.

1668
01:07:24.500 --> 01:07:25.501
You sound like my daughters.

1669
01:07:25.584 --> 01:07:27.086
It doesn't get any
better than this, boys.

1670
01:07:27.169 --> 01:07:28.337
Come on, you pussies.

1671
01:07:28.713 --> 01:07:30.513
Okay. Yeah, all right.
All right. Sounds good.

1672
01:07:31.048 --> 01:07:32.408
We're playing
these old guys?

1673
01:07:32.425 --> 01:07:34.802
Listen. Let's just keep it
fun, fellows, all right?

1674
01:07:34.885 --> 01:07:36.554
Go out here,
amuse these old geezers.

1675
01:07:36.637 --> 01:07:37.930
There's no need
to rub it in their faces.

1676
01:07:38.013 --> 01:07:39.390
We wouldn't want
to see any coronaries.

1677
01:07:39.515 --> 01:07:41.142
You boys look
a little soft.

1678
01:07:41.225 --> 01:07:42.425
That dude
looks familiar.

1679
01:07:43.227 --> 01:07:45.104
Are you sure you can
handle going both ways?

1680
01:07:45.187 --> 01:07:47.481
I heard Doug enjoys that.
What?

1681
01:07:49.483 --> 01:07:51.193
Sit, pal! Pussies!

1682
01:07:53.487 --> 01:07:54.989
He's open!

1683
01:07:55.156 --> 01:07:56.824
Chop block!
That's a chop block!

1684
01:07:56.991 --> 01:07:59.201
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Touchdown. Seven-zip.

1685
01:07:59.368 --> 01:08:01.495
I just got punched. I thought
this was touch football.

1686
01:08:01.662 --> 01:08:04.039
You can't play football
without blocking, bitch.

1687
01:08:04.165 --> 01:08:05.645
That old motherfucker
is fast as shit.

1688
01:08:05.666 --> 01:08:06.625
They just caught us
off guard.

1689
01:08:06.709 --> 01:08:07.918
Can we discuss
the rules again?

1690
01:08:08.002 --> 01:08:09.503
Come on, Doug, get up.
Good D!

1691
01:08:10.212 --> 01:08:11.672
It's Webster!

1692
01:08:12.006 --> 01:08:14.049
Those old guys
are fast and crazy, man.

1693
01:08:14.133 --> 01:08:16.010
This is Sean John, bitch!

1694
01:08:16.177 --> 01:08:17.845
Back on your side, loser.

1695
01:08:19.013 --> 01:08:20.097
You have a really
nice arm, sir.

1696
01:08:20.181 --> 01:08:21.724
Blow me, kid.
Oh...

1697
01:08:22.183 --> 01:08:24.518
Hut! Let's go, Doug!

1698
01:08:27.730 --> 01:08:29.190
I don't have the ball!

1699
01:08:30.024 --> 01:08:31.025
Take that, gimp!

1700
01:08:31.108 --> 01:08:32.359
You're so mean!

1701
01:08:32.526 --> 01:08:33.486
What the fuck?
I'm in a wheelchair!

1702
01:08:33.569 --> 01:08:35.112
He's in a wheelchair!

1703
01:08:35.196 --> 01:08:37.114
Hey, fat ass, we're going
to do your sister!

1704
01:08:37.198 --> 01:08:38.407
I don't have a sister.

1705
01:08:38.491 --> 01:08:39.700
In the ass!

1706
01:08:41.202 --> 01:08:43.078
Blue dog left, Omaha!

1707
01:08:47.124 --> 01:08:48.542
Yeah!
Yeah, brother!

1708
01:08:48.626 --> 01:08:49.627
Shit.

1709
01:08:49.710 --> 01:08:51.212
Why?

1710
01:08:53.798 --> 01:08:54.882
You're such a fucking
embarrassment.

1711
01:08:54.965 --> 01:08:56.685
Your father-in-law is a dick.

1712
01:08:56.717 --> 01:08:58.761
- Oh, God, 72 just bit me!
- All right, that's it.

1713
01:09:01.555 --> 01:09:02.890
Look at us.

1714
01:09:04.266 --> 01:09:07.227
Where'd you go to defense
school, Munchkinland?

1715
01:09:08.395 --> 01:09:09.980
Good one!

1716
01:09:10.481 --> 01:09:13.067
Fuck this, fellows.
Shit just got real.

1717
01:09:14.568 --> 01:09:16.278
Get up, guys.
We're about to give these

1718
01:09:16.362 --> 01:09:18.781
old bitches a nice
little serving of youth.

1719
01:09:18.864 --> 01:09:20.032
All right, ready!

1720
01:09:20.115 --> 01:09:21.242
Set. Hike! Let's go!

1721
01:09:23.744 --> 01:09:25.746
Go, go,
Dickerson! Yeah!

1722
01:09:27.915 --> 01:09:29.124
Old bitch!

1723
01:09:29.917 --> 01:09:31.752
Hut!

1724
01:09:34.588 --> 01:09:35.881
How does it feel?

1725
01:09:37.091 --> 01:09:38.592
- Fuck!
- Hike! Let's go!

1726
01:09:38.717 --> 01:09:40.344
Oh, God!

1727
01:09:45.307 --> 01:09:46.642
Hut one.

1728
01:09:46.725 --> 01:09:47.977
Fumble!

1729
01:09:48.143 --> 01:09:50.020
I've got the ball!
I've got the ball!

1730
01:09:50.104 --> 01:09:51.772
This way, Doug!

1731
01:09:51.939 --> 01:09:53.691
This way!
I've got the ball!

1732
01:09:53.774 --> 01:09:54.775
Go, go, go!

1733
01:09:55.025 --> 01:09:56.694
Keep going!

1734
01:10:05.786 --> 01:10:07.288
- Fumble!
- Fumble!

1735
01:10:09.832 --> 01:10:11.292
Dog pile!

1736
01:10:11.792 --> 01:10:14.295
Our ball! Our ball!
Our ball!

1737
01:10:14.461 --> 01:10:16.672
Okay, listen, y'all.

1738
01:10:18.549 --> 01:10:20.092
I'll be the first to say
that we underestimated

1739
01:10:20.134 --> 01:10:21.552
these old sons of bitches.

1740
01:10:21.635 --> 01:10:23.721
Listen! Right now,
we are back in the game.

1741
01:10:23.804 --> 01:10:25.681
The next touchdown wins, guys.

1742
01:10:25.973 --> 01:10:27.725
Now, Doug, I gotta be
honest with you, man.

1743
01:10:27.808 --> 01:10:29.351
You played a pretty
shitty game.

1744
01:10:29.476 --> 01:10:30.978
And the last thing
I want to do is put

1745
01:10:31.061 --> 01:10:32.980
the ball in your hands,
but I do know this.

1746
01:10:33.147 --> 01:10:34.627
I know that you're
faster than Big Ed.

1747
01:10:34.648 --> 01:10:36.901
I know that I can
throw you the ball.

1748
01:10:36.984 --> 01:10:39.704
But what I need to know is if you're
going to catch the goddamn ball.

1749
01:10:40.070 --> 01:10:41.697
Hey, look at me.

1750
01:10:41.780 --> 01:10:43.490
Please don't
throw me the ball.

1751
01:10:43.574 --> 01:10:45.826
Doug, get off of me. OTIS: Man,
your father-in-law hates you.

1752
01:10:45.910 --> 01:10:48.329
Listen, I will throw it to you and
you're going to catch it. Okay?

1753
01:10:48.412 --> 01:10:49.413
Get some fucking
balls right now!

1754
01:10:49.496 --> 01:10:50.496
You need this, Doug.

1755
01:10:50.539 --> 01:10:52.333
Be a man. This
isn't a game anymore.

1756
01:10:52.458 --> 01:10:54.793
- Your father-in-law has no respect for you.
- Show him you're a man.

1757
01:10:54.877 --> 01:10:55.920
Be a goddamn man!

1758
01:10:56.003 --> 01:10:57.671
- One, two, three.
- Break!

1759
01:11:07.222 --> 01:11:08.390
Hike!

1760
01:11:53.060 --> 01:11:54.728
Yeah!

1761
01:12:04.905 --> 01:12:06.323
Oh, my God.

1762
01:12:14.081 --> 01:12:16.125
How did you like
them apples?

1763
01:12:16.208 --> 01:12:18.627
You can't spell "Ed"
without "Bitch"!

1764
01:12:18.794 --> 01:12:20.963
Whoa. Easy there.
That's going to be your dad.

1765
01:12:24.591 --> 01:12:26.468
I'm so happy
for you, man.

1766
01:12:28.762 --> 01:12:30.097
You're not a bitch!

1767
01:12:35.310 --> 01:12:36.562
I told you
guys to be careful.

1768
01:12:36.645 --> 01:12:38.105
I knew someone would get hurt.
Look at this.

1769
01:12:38.188 --> 01:12:39.690
Well, to be fair,
we were just having fun

1770
01:12:39.773 --> 01:12:40.933
until your dad
and his friends

1771
01:12:40.941 --> 01:12:42.693
decided to make it
an MMA blood sport.

1772
01:12:42.776 --> 01:12:44.987
- Don't pin this shit on me.
- Hey, hey, now.

1773
01:12:45.195 --> 01:12:46.447
Hey!

1774
01:12:46.613 --> 01:12:48.574
Oh, my God. Who the
hell are those guys?

1775
01:12:48.657 --> 01:12:50.617
What are you talking about?
Those are my friends.

1776
01:12:50.701 --> 01:12:53.078
That's Principal
Mitchell Rambis from Utah.

1777
01:12:53.495 --> 01:12:55.622
In the wheelchair,
that's Plunkett.

1778
01:12:55.831 --> 01:12:58.792
And that's the brilliant
philosopher, Ira Drysdale.

1779
01:12:59.126 --> 01:13:00.419
No. No, no.

1780
01:13:00.502 --> 01:13:02.254
That's the strangest
looking group

1781
01:13:02.337 --> 01:13:04.006
of guys I've ever
seen in my life.

1782
01:13:04.089 --> 01:13:06.633
What do you mean? Those are my boys.
What's up, man?

1783
01:13:06.717 --> 01:13:08.010
How are you doing, Doug?

1784
01:13:08.093 --> 01:13:11.221
My, this has been a long
time coming, hasn't it?

1785
01:13:11.305 --> 01:13:12.473
Palmers,
it's an honor.

1786
01:13:12.556 --> 01:13:14.391
Mrs. Palmer, I see
where Gretchen gets her

1787
01:13:14.475 --> 01:13:15.976
good looks.

1788
01:13:16.685 --> 01:13:17.728
Thank you.

1789
01:13:17.811 --> 01:13:19.396
Gretchen.
Yes.

1790
01:13:20.397 --> 01:13:21.732
Oh.

1791
01:13:22.483 --> 01:13:24.568
It's a pleasure finally meeting
the love of Doug's life.

1792
01:13:24.651 --> 01:13:26.987
Thank you. Hey, Grandma...
What the...

1793
01:13:27.071 --> 01:13:28.906
Oh, wait, Bic,
I meant to tell you,

1794
01:13:28.989 --> 01:13:30.109
Grandma made
a full recovery.

1795
01:13:30.115 --> 01:13:31.825
She's doing really well.
Doesn't she look good, guys?

1796
01:13:32.159 --> 01:13:33.160
Yeah.

1797
01:13:33.827 --> 01:13:36.580
That's something else to look at there.
It's very pretty.

1798
01:13:41.668 --> 01:13:43.003
What are you doing?
Nothing.

1799
01:13:43.253 --> 01:13:45.506
What are you feeding him? Oh,
what are you talking about?

1800
01:13:47.674 --> 01:13:50.344
That. He wasn't like that
until you showed up.

1801
01:13:52.012 --> 01:13:53.092
That's the Doug
that I know.

1802
01:13:53.097 --> 01:13:54.556
I've never seen
that Doug before.

1803
01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:58.227
Hi, everyone.
Hi. I'm Holly Munk.

1804
01:13:58.435 --> 01:13:59.937
I'm the head bridesmaid.

1805
01:14:00.020 --> 01:14:01.480
Twenty bucks says
they wrote a song.

1806
01:14:01.605 --> 01:14:03.774
$40 says it's The Carpenters.
You're on.

1807
01:14:03.857 --> 01:14:04.900
You're on.

1808
01:14:04.983 --> 01:14:05.983
You're onner.

1809
01:14:06.026 --> 01:14:07.778
You're on first.
You're more on.

1810
01:14:07.861 --> 01:14:10.280
You're on from God.

1811
01:14:10.364 --> 01:14:11.657
You're never going to
believe this, Gretch,

1812
01:14:11.782 --> 01:14:14.034
but we wrote you a little ditty.

1813
01:14:14.535 --> 01:14:17.621
Yes. And if everyone wants
to look under your seats,

1814
01:14:17.704 --> 01:14:18.914
you're going to
find the lyrics

1815
01:14:18.997 --> 01:14:20.917
so that everybody can sing along.

1816
01:14:21.125 --> 01:14:24.044
And we're singing
to the tune of

1817
01:14:24.920 --> 01:14:25.921
Lean on Me.

1818
01:14:26.130 --> 01:14:27.297
Pay up, Father.

1819
01:14:27.381 --> 01:14:28.799
I don't have any cash.
I only have credit.

1820
01:14:28.882 --> 01:14:31.844
Do you take credit cards?
Oh, no, I only take cash.

1821
01:14:31.927 --> 01:14:33.595
Oh, excuse me, Ms. Maid of Honor.
What?

1822
01:14:33.679 --> 01:14:34.888
Are you going to chat
all night or are you

1823
01:14:34.972 --> 01:14:36.515
going to come up
and sing with us?

1824
01:14:36.557 --> 01:14:38.976
Do you think you're too good?
No, this is your guys' thing.

1825
01:14:39.143 --> 01:14:40.144
What, do you
think you're too pretty?

1826
01:14:40.227 --> 01:14:41.353
God always wins.

1827
01:14:41.436 --> 01:14:43.689
That's why you're going up there.
God is a winner.

1828
01:14:43.939 --> 01:14:45.899
Let's go, bitch. Come on.
I'm coming.

1829
01:14:47.234 --> 01:14:50.904
♪ It's that
time in your life

1830
01:14:51.071 --> 01:14:54.199
♪ Bum-bum
♪ When you wear something blue

1831
01:14:54.283 --> 01:14:55.284
♪ Bum-bum

1832
01:14:55.617 --> 01:15:00.164
♪ And something borrowed

1833
01:15:00.414 --> 01:15:02.416
♪ Gretchen was dumped

1834
01:15:03.083 --> 01:15:07.171
♪ By handsome Steve

1835
01:15:08.255 --> 01:15:12.342
♪ We'll just hit up the Supper
Club And make some mistakes

1836
01:15:12.426 --> 01:15:14.845
How long did we rent the place for'?
Sing it!

1837
01:15:15.012 --> 01:15:17.055
♪ Do you remember?

1838
01:15:17.139 --> 01:15:18.640
Oh, Christ.

1839
01:15:19.600 --> 01:15:21.768
♪ Baton twirling ♪

1840
01:15:21.935 --> 01:15:23.812
That's the end of the song.
Ch, thank God.

1841
01:15:27.274 --> 01:15:29.067
Since none of us
are songwriters,

1842
01:15:29.151 --> 01:15:30.861
we decided to put together
a little slide show

1843
01:15:30.944 --> 01:15:32.487
to toast our buddy.

1844
01:15:32.696 --> 01:15:35.282
He was stealing ladies' hearts
since long before we knew him.

1845
01:15:37.534 --> 01:15:39.369
His friendship
came with an instant

1846
01:15:39.453 --> 01:15:41.330
half-point boost
to all our GPA's.

1847
01:15:41.413 --> 01:15:43.207
You never could crack
2.5, Dickerson!

1848
01:15:43.290 --> 01:15:44.625
You got me there,
buddy.

1849
01:15:44.708 --> 01:15:45.959
He also taught us things

1850
01:15:46.043 --> 01:15:47.753
that you can't learn
in a classroom.

1851
01:15:47.836 --> 01:15:49.796
- Whether it was bowling at regionals.
- Aw.

1852
01:15:50.839 --> 01:15:52.799
Running the Santa
Monica Marathon.

1853
01:15:52.883 --> 01:15:54.301
It was a close
call with the Kenyan.

1854
01:15:54.384 --> 01:15:55.552
You ran?
Yeah.

1855
01:15:55.636 --> 01:15:58.639
Navigating the rapids
of Colorado.

1856
01:15:59.181 --> 01:16:01.725
Scuba diving
the Great Barrier Reef.

1857
01:16:01.808 --> 01:16:02.851
What?

1858
01:16:02.976 --> 01:16:04.478
Climbing the glaciers

1859
01:16:04.561 --> 01:16:05.771
of Patagonia.
Hmm.

1860
01:16:08.315 --> 01:16:11.151
Jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet.

1861
01:16:14.821 --> 01:16:16.657
Help him out, guys.
You got it?

1862
01:16:18.575 --> 01:16:19.576
Yeah.

1863
01:16:19.993 --> 01:16:22.496
After I was hit
by a drunk driver

1864
01:16:22.579 --> 01:16:24.373
who was found innocent,

1865
01:16:26.333 --> 01:16:28.418
it was Doug
who helped me pay

1866
01:16:28.502 --> 01:16:29.795
for my law school tuition.

1867
01:16:29.878 --> 01:16:30.879
Aw.

1868
01:16:31.004 --> 01:16:32.673
That's so sweet.

1869
01:16:32.756 --> 01:16:33.840
It was you.

1870
01:16:38.929 --> 01:16:39.972
That's okay.

1871
01:16:40.055 --> 01:16:41.848
The only thing that
gets hard is my nipples.

1872
01:16:42.015 --> 01:16:43.225
Oh, dear.

1873
01:16:43.767 --> 01:16:45.352
Let's get him out of here.

1874
01:16:45.435 --> 01:16:46.635
Way to keep it
together, buddy.

1875
01:16:46.728 --> 01:16:47.813
I wanted to quit
grad school

1876
01:16:47.896 --> 01:16:49.606
until Doug told me
the story of Plunkett.

1877
01:16:49.856 --> 01:16:51.316
Which inspired me to stay.

1878
01:16:51.400 --> 01:16:52.440
- Aw.
- He inspired us all.

1879
01:16:52.484 --> 01:16:54.736
When he wasn't
hitting those books,

1880
01:16:54.861 --> 01:16:57.072
old Doug-town was teaching
us all how to have fun.

1881
01:16:57.155 --> 01:16:58.782
- Yeah, he was.
Doug-man.

1882
01:17:00.242 --> 01:17:01.785
I think we saved
the best for last.

1883
01:17:01.868 --> 01:17:03.620
This last shot is
actually my favorite.

1884
01:17:04.538 --> 01:17:07.624
This was a historic guy trip
with my closest friend.

1885
01:17:07.791 --> 01:17:09.459
As you can see
in this picture

1886
01:17:09.543 --> 01:17:10.711
and in all
the other pictures,

1887
01:17:11.086 --> 01:17:13.130
Doug is smiling,

1888
01:17:14.047 --> 01:17:15.924
but I think we can
all agree that in this shot,

1889
01:17:16.008 --> 01:17:17.759
that smile got
a whole lot brighter.

1890
01:17:19.219 --> 01:17:20.262
I love you, bud.

1891
01:17:27.894 --> 01:17:30.522
I was a bit surprised
when I met your groomsmen.

1892
01:17:30.605 --> 01:17:33.567
I mean, actually, terrified.
Like, "Wah! What is that?"

1893
01:17:33.900 --> 01:17:35.819
But I've got to say,
they're really good guys.

1894
01:17:36.403 --> 01:17:37.821
Oops.

1895
01:17:41.491 --> 01:17:43.243
Honey, are you there?

1896
01:17:46.913 --> 01:17:49.113
I'm definitely going to
have Alison be my maid of honor.

1897
01:17:49.124 --> 01:17:50.667
I mean, no one
can fight over that.

1898
01:17:50.751 --> 01:17:53.253
But, babe, what about you? Who's
going to be your best man?

1899
01:17:53.420 --> 01:17:54.504
Uh...

1900
01:17:56.048 --> 01:17:58.967
Mitchum. Bic Mitchum.

1901
01:17:59.426 --> 01:18:00.510
Who?

1902
01:18:00.594 --> 01:18:02.679
You know Bic. Bic Mitchum.

1903
01:18:02.929 --> 01:18:04.056
He's a buddy of mine
from Stanford.

1904
01:18:04.139 --> 01:18:06.058
No, I've never heard
of Bic Mitchum.

1905
01:18:06.433 --> 01:18:08.935
Didn't you meet Bic at that...
I met Bic?

1906
01:18:09.019 --> 01:18:11.579
You know, maybe on second thought,
you didn't meet Bio because...

1907
01:18:11.605 --> 01:18:13.815
Because why?
He's overseas,

1908
01:18:13.899 --> 01:18:16.443
uh, in the military.

1909
01:18:17.069 --> 01:18:20.072
Oh, you know what?
Now that you mention it...

1910
01:18:20.155 --> 01:18:22.282
I think you have said
something about him.

1911
01:18:22.366 --> 01:18:23.825
Isn't he a priest
or something?

1912
01:18:24.618 --> 01:18:27.871
Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, I knew it.

1913
01:18:27.954 --> 01:18:29.956
He's a priest overseas
in the military.

1914
01:18:31.291 --> 01:18:33.251
But our
Wedding's in 10 days.

1915
01:18:33.335 --> 01:18:34.503
But Bic's still in...

1916
01:18:34.711 --> 01:18:37.381
Uh, El Salvador.

1917
01:18:37.464 --> 01:18:38.632
Bic is flying in
tomorrow morning.

1918
01:18:38.715 --> 01:18:40.384
In April I was in the Middle East.
Muffin juice.

1919
01:18:40.467 --> 01:18:42.010
Bring him to lunch with you. No!

1920
01:18:42.344 --> 01:18:43.970
I am...

1921
01:18:44.054 --> 01:18:45.097
Oh, my God!

1922
01:18:45.180 --> 01:18:46.932
...dying to
finally meet this guy.

1923
01:18:49.267 --> 01:18:50.769
I'm dying to finally
meet all your friends.

1924
01:18:50.811 --> 01:18:52.854
Who the hell are those guys?
Those are my friends.

1925
01:18:52.979 --> 01:18:56.108
I am still missing the
groomsmen's information.

1926
01:18:56.525 --> 01:18:57.651
Those are
the strangest group of guys

1927
01:18:57.734 --> 01:18:58.985
I've ever seen in my life.

1928
01:18:59.528 --> 01:19:00.570
Your friends
are gonna be there.

1929
01:19:00.654 --> 01:19:01.974
My friends are
all gonna be there.

1930
01:19:06.535 --> 01:19:07.911
Sweetie.

1931
01:19:07.994 --> 01:19:09.413
Hey-Hon?

1932
01:19:11.832 --> 01:19:12.916
Gretchen, are you there?

1933
01:19:12.999 --> 01:19:14.000
Doug-

1934
01:19:14.167 --> 01:19:15.919
Don't you think
it's a bit strange

1935
01:19:16.002 --> 01:19:19.714
that you use Bic razors
and Mitchum deodorant,

1936
01:19:19.840 --> 01:19:22.509
and your best man's
name is Bic Mitchum?

1937
01:19:25.220 --> 01:19:28.223
Well, if your best friend
was named Jemima Colgate,

1938
01:19:28.306 --> 01:19:29.850
I bet you wouldn't
use Log Cabin syrup

1939
01:19:29.933 --> 01:19:31.435
or Aquafresh toothpaste,
would you?

1940
01:19:32.269 --> 01:19:33.854
It's called loyalty.

1941
01:19:34.020 --> 01:19:36.440
Hey, sweetie, listen,
you're just overstressed.

1942
01:19:36.606 --> 01:19:38.150
Why don't you get some sleep?
I'll see you tomorrow

1943
01:19:38.233 --> 01:19:40.277
for our big day. Okay?

1944
01:19:41.695 --> 01:19:42.988
Okay, bye.

1945
01:19:43.071 --> 01:19:44.364
Bye, sweetie.

1946
01:19:48.034 --> 01:19:49.828
♪ I saw the light on the night

1947
01:19:49.911 --> 01:19:52.038
♪ that I passed
by her window

1948
01:19:54.541 --> 01:19:58.712
♪ I saw the flickering shadows
of love on her blind

1949
01:19:58.795 --> 01:20:00.964
♪ Bum-bum, da-da-a

1950
01:20:01.047 --> 01:20:05.594
♪ She was my woman

1951
01:20:07.721 --> 01:20:09.306
♪ As she deceived me

1952
01:20:09.389 --> 01:20:12.100
♪ I watched and
went out of my mind

1953
01:20:12.267 --> 01:20:13.643
And I said,
"it's called loyalty."

1954
01:20:13.727 --> 01:20:15.145
I didn't teach you that.

1955
01:20:15.228 --> 01:20:17.397
No, that can't be taught.
You're born with that.

1956
01:20:17.481 --> 01:20:18.899
You look good, man.

1957
01:20:18.982 --> 01:20:20.822
Thank you. I wish I could
say the same for you.

1958
01:20:22.152 --> 01:20:24.738
So, you know,
as I'm getting dressed,

1959
01:20:24.905 --> 01:20:29.159
I'm thinking to myself how
insane what we're doing is.

1960
01:20:29.326 --> 01:20:31.328
You just started
thinking that?

1961
01:20:31.411 --> 01:20:33.914
Well, I mean,
she's going to be my wife.

1962
01:20:34.956 --> 01:20:36.750
Shouldn't I be able
to tell her the truth?

1963
01:20:36.833 --> 01:20:38.293
I mean, the key
to relationships

1964
01:20:38.376 --> 01:20:39.544
is being honest, you know?

1965
01:20:39.753 --> 01:20:41.004
Up to a point.

1966
01:20:41.087 --> 01:20:44.257
It's all about making
her happy, Doug. All right?

1967
01:20:44.466 --> 01:20:46.635
Come on.
Let's go get you married.

1968
01:20:47.010 --> 01:20:48.011
Ah.

1969
01:20:48.178 --> 01:20:49.763
You look good, man.

1970
01:21:00.148 --> 01:21:04.944
♪ My, my, my, Delilah

1971
01:21:06.613 --> 01:21:07.614
♪ Why, why... ♪

1972
01:21:07.697 --> 01:21:08.782
Hey, fellows.

1973
01:21:09.616 --> 01:21:10.992
Gather around.

1974
01:21:11.493 --> 01:21:14.287
Hey, hey. Guys, guys.

1975
01:21:14.621 --> 01:21:15.705
This is one of
the few times that

1976
01:21:15.789 --> 01:21:17.332
you're actually going
to hear me be honest.

1977
01:21:17.457 --> 01:21:19.657
Nine days ago, I didn't think
a Golden Tux was possible.

1978
01:21:20.043 --> 01:21:21.378
But in less than an hour,
we're going to have

1979
01:21:21.461 --> 01:21:22.712
200 unsuspecting guests

1980
01:21:22.796 --> 01:21:24.965
filling those pews to celebrate
some holy matrimony.

1981
01:21:25.048 --> 01:21:28.260
Which means that from this moment
on, we are flawless, gentlemen.

1982
01:21:28.343 --> 01:21:29.427
Have each other's
backs out there.

1983
01:21:29.511 --> 01:21:30.637
Support each other.

1984
01:21:30.720 --> 01:21:32.389
Remember your HW2's,
your boomerangs,

1985
01:21:32.472 --> 01:21:33.807
and your Party Trick
Distractions.

1986
01:21:33.890 --> 01:21:35.642
Drysdale, set it off.
What time is it?

1987
01:21:35.725 --> 01:21:36.810
It's game time!

1988
01:21:36.893 --> 01:21:38.144
I said,
what time is it?

1989
01:21:38.228 --> 01:21:39.938
It's game time!

1990
01:21:40.814 --> 01:21:42.649
Guys, guys,
I'm down here. Guys.

1991
01:21:44.859 --> 01:21:46.987
Douglas! Hi!
Perfect timing.

1992
01:21:47.070 --> 01:21:49.155
I was just telling
Papa Bear here

1993
01:21:49.239 --> 01:21:52.284
that we did have a little
bit of a "scandal"

1994
01:21:52.367 --> 01:21:53.827
with Father O'Brien.

1995
01:21:53.910 --> 01:21:55.954
He will not be able to
officiate the wedding.

1996
01:21:56.288 --> 01:21:57.368
But it's okay.
Rest assured,

1997
01:21:57.414 --> 01:21:58.873
I have everything
under control

1998
01:21:58.957 --> 01:22:00.750
because Father McNulty here,

1999
01:22:00.834 --> 01:22:02.669
he has agreed to step

2000
01:22:02.752 --> 01:22:04.588
as a replacement
of the shoes

2001
01:22:04.671 --> 01:22:05.755
of Father O'Brien.

2002
01:22:05.839 --> 01:22:07.841
Hello, Doug.
Hi. Great to meet you.

2003
01:22:08.008 --> 01:22:10.218
Father McNulty is
a wonderful priest.

2004
01:22:10.385 --> 01:22:12.429
I'm just happy the big day's finally
here, to be honest with you.

2005
01:22:12.512 --> 01:22:13.805
I would love for you
to meet all my friends.

2006
01:22:13.888 --> 01:22:15.181
This is my best man, Bic.

2007
01:22:16.182 --> 01:22:20.186
Uh, Bic must have
gone a different way.

2008
01:22:20.353 --> 01:22:21.938
Uh, would you guys mind
going to look for Bic?

2009
01:22:22.022 --> 01:22:24.107
I'd love for him to be
caught up on all this.

2010
01:22:24.274 --> 01:22:25.874
I'm going to go
see if he's praying.

2011
01:22:26.401 --> 01:22:27.444
What is going on?

2012
01:22:27.527 --> 01:22:28.653
What the hell is
Father McNulty doing here?

2013
01:22:28.737 --> 01:22:30.071
How do you know
Father McNulty?

2014
01:22:30.196 --> 01:22:31.781
Because he was my principal
at Benjamin Rush.

2015
01:22:31.865 --> 01:22:34.117
I spent half my damn middle school
years in his principal's office.

2016
01:22:34.200 --> 01:22:36.453
Please, please tell me
that you are kidding me.

2017
01:22:36.536 --> 01:22:38.913
This cannot be happening right now.
I need you to fix this.

2018
01:22:38.997 --> 01:22:40.040
What you want me to do?
If I go out there,

2019
01:22:40.123 --> 01:22:41.458
he knows I'm not
Bic Mitchum.

2020
01:22:41.541 --> 01:22:45.045
Shh! Wait. Wait.
I think I have an idea.

2021
01:22:53.053 --> 01:22:54.888
Father McNulty?
Yes.

2022
01:22:56.306 --> 01:22:57.557
Go, go, go.

2023
01:23:01.561 --> 01:23:02.729
Oh, shit!

2024
01:23:02.896 --> 01:23:04.481
200 grand out the door,

2025
01:23:04.564 --> 01:23:06.900
I expect...
No, I demand perfection.

2026
01:23:06.983 --> 01:23:08.485
Yes, Mr. Palmer,
I assure you...

2027
01:23:08.568 --> 01:23:09.944
Listen, Menudo,
first you tell me

2028
01:23:10.028 --> 01:23:11.655
my family priest
is a goddamn pervert.

2029
01:23:11.738 --> 01:23:13.907
Now you tell me Father
McNulty has disappeared.

2030
01:23:13.990 --> 01:23:15.825
Mr. Palmer,
I'll take care of this.

2031
01:23:15.909 --> 01:23:17.702
You better or I will
fuck you up.

2032
01:23:56.658 --> 01:23:57.992
Shall we do this?

2033
01:23:59.619 --> 01:24:02.372
Do you, Gretchen Palmer,

2034
01:24:02.622 --> 01:24:06.418
take Douglas Ephraim
Ben Lazar Menahem Harris

2035
01:24:06.626 --> 01:24:08.670
to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

2036
01:24:09.003 --> 01:24:11.339
to have and to hold,

2037
01:24:11.673 --> 01:24:14.050
through sickness
and health,

2038
01:24:14.134 --> 01:24:15.301
till death do you part?

2039
01:24:15.468 --> 01:24:16.469
I do.

2040
01:24:18.221 --> 01:24:23.059
Do you, Douglas Ephraim
Ben Lazar Menahem Harris,

2041
01:24:23.143 --> 01:24:24.728
take Gretchen Palmer

2042
01:24:24.811 --> 01:24:26.271
to be your lawfully
wedded wife,

2043
01:24:27.188 --> 01:24:29.858
to have and to hold,

2044
01:24:30.233 --> 01:24:33.486
through sickness and health,
till death do you part?

2045
01:24:35.238 --> 01:24:36.281
I do.

2046
01:24:43.163 --> 01:24:46.207
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

2047
01:24:46.624 --> 01:24:48.835
You
may now kiss the bride.

2048
01:24:50.336 --> 01:24:53.381
Aw. Ladies and
gentlemen, I present to you

2049
01:24:53.465 --> 01:24:55.341
Mr. and Mrs. Harris.

2050
01:24:59.554 --> 01:25:01.306
You are about to
blow that back out.

2051
01:25:01.389 --> 01:25:02.766
Don't do this here.
Don't do that.

2052
01:25:02.849 --> 01:25:04.184
What?
Nothing.

2053
01:25:11.024 --> 01:25:13.234
I'm a lounge singer myself
up there in Canada.

2054
01:25:13.318 --> 01:25:14.402
What kind of
stuff do you sing?

2055
01:25:14.486 --> 01:25:17.030
That's when I knew I was
born to work on feet.

2056
01:25:17.363 --> 01:25:19.741
You're a podiatrist?
I'm a podiatrist.

2057
01:25:24.662 --> 01:25:25.705
Big deal.

2058
01:25:25.789 --> 01:25:27.040
Where did you
go to school?

2059
01:25:27.207 --> 01:25:28.208
Uh...

2060
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:30.251
You don't remember?

2061
01:25:30.627 --> 01:25:32.170
Harvard.
I went to Harvard.

2062
01:25:32.253 --> 01:25:34.293
I'm really inspired by black,
American soul singers.

2063
01:25:34.297 --> 01:25:35.632
Nice.
Like Tom Jones.

2064
01:25:35.882 --> 01:25:37.522
You went to Harvard Podiatry School?
Yeah.

2065
01:25:37.550 --> 01:25:39.219
What years?
20.

2066
01:25:39.302 --> 01:25:40.386
20?

2067
01:25:43.223 --> 01:25:45.475
Oh, wow.
You work out, huh?

2068
01:25:45.558 --> 01:25:46.810
Isn't Tom Jones white?

2069
01:25:46.893 --> 01:25:48.228
Yeah, isn't he
from Wales?

2070
01:25:51.231 --> 01:25:52.565
Mom!

2071
01:25:52.732 --> 01:25:54.234
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Oh, my God.

2072
01:25:54.400 --> 01:25:56.736
- Well, do you want to see?
- Boom.

2073
01:25:56.903 --> 01:25:58.863
Yeah, three balls.
Count them.

2074
01:26:01.032 --> 01:26:02.659
I thought you said
you was a vegan.

2075
01:26:05.370 --> 01:26:06.871
Okay, that's cool.

2076
01:26:06.955 --> 01:26:08.623
I can do it, too.
Stop.

2077
01:26:09.916 --> 01:26:10.916
That's mine.

2078
01:26:11.000 --> 01:26:13.002
I'm proud of you, Doug. I really am.
Well, thank you, sir.

2079
01:26:13.086 --> 01:26:14.712
I have to say,
I learned from the master.

2080
01:26:14.796 --> 01:26:16.631
Hey, well,
don't celebrate yet.

2081
01:26:16.714 --> 01:26:18.633
We still have
more work to do.

2082
01:26:18.716 --> 01:26:20.476
All right, I'm going
to wait for you outside.

2083
01:26:21.553 --> 01:26:23.513
Ugh. Can you believe this zipper
already broke? Okay, I'm coming.

2084
01:26:23.596 --> 01:26:26.116
Mrs. Harris, can I talk to you for
a second? I'll get the thing.

2085
01:26:26.266 --> 01:26:28.434
Uh, listen,
I may be partial here,

2086
01:26:28.518 --> 01:26:29.727
but I just want to say
that you have put on

2087
01:26:29.811 --> 01:26:31.020
the perfect wedding.
Really.

2088
01:26:31.104 --> 01:26:32.397
Perfect wedding?

2089
01:26:32.480 --> 01:26:35.066
The zipper on my
$8,000 dress is broken,

2090
01:26:35.191 --> 01:26:36.943
the groomsmen are
accosting my bridesmaids,

2091
01:26:37.026 --> 01:26:39.821
my grandmother's burned from head
to toe, my dad's knee is shredded.

2092
01:26:39.904 --> 01:26:41.944
And don't even get me started
on the salad dressing.

2093
01:26:42.574 --> 01:26:45.285
But at least you have Doug.
True love conquers all.

2094
01:26:45.410 --> 01:26:46.619
True love?

2095
01:26:46.703 --> 01:26:49.122
Please. I'm just sick
of dating assholes.

2096
01:26:49.205 --> 01:26:51.499
Doug is a good guy,
he's good family material.

2097
01:26:51.583 --> 01:26:52.625
What can I say?
I'm a girl

2098
01:26:52.709 --> 01:26:54.043
that's used to a certain
kind of lifestyle,

2099
01:26:54.127 --> 01:26:55.461
and Doug can give me
that kind of lifestyle.

2100
01:26:55.545 --> 01:26:57.463
So, I've gotta go.

2101
01:27:01.926 --> 01:27:04.262
Bud, are you waiting on me?
Yeah. Yes.

2102
01:27:05.805 --> 01:27:07.891
Let's, uh, get back out there, huh?
Yeah.

2103
01:27:07.974 --> 01:27:10.268
Time for the first dance.
Yes, it is.

2104
01:27:12.979 --> 01:27:17.775
♪ You are so beautiful

2105
01:27:22.238 --> 01:27:23.948
♪ To me

2106
01:27:26.659 --> 01:27:31.664
♪ You are so beautiful

2107
01:27:35.793 --> 01:27:37.795
♪ To me

2108
01:27:38.922 --> 01:27:40.089
Will the rest of
the wedding party

2109
01:27:40.173 --> 01:27:42.425
please join the happy couple?

2110
01:27:44.469 --> 01:27:48.056
♪ You're everything
I hoped for

2111
01:27:51.100 --> 01:27:54.562
♪ You're everything I need

2112
01:27:57.023 --> 01:27:58.608
So, who are you really?

2113
01:27:58.691 --> 01:28:00.193
I'm not sure I know
what you mean by that.

2114
01:28:00.276 --> 01:28:02.904
There has just been some
questionable behavior

2115
01:28:02.987 --> 01:28:04.781
over the last
couple of days.

2116
01:28:04.864 --> 01:28:07.200
Like you setting my
grandmother on fire. Oh.

2117
01:28:07.617 --> 01:28:09.369
The secret military codes.
Mmm-hmm.

2118
01:28:09.452 --> 01:28:11.120
"Kitchen cabinets."

2119
01:28:11.704 --> 01:28:13.790
What you have to understand
is that the Lord works

2120
01:28:13.873 --> 01:28:15.124
in mysterious ways.

2121
01:28:15.208 --> 01:28:16.709
And he thanketh...

2122
01:28:16.793 --> 01:28:18.419
I don't know
about the Lord.

2123
01:28:18.503 --> 01:28:21.214
You work in
mysterious ways.

2124
01:28:21.547 --> 01:28:25.259
<i>♪ ...me</i>

2125
01:28:27.053 --> 01:28:28.888
Thanks for the dance.
No problem.

2126
01:28:29.555 --> 01:28:31.224
Thank you.

2127
01:28:32.642 --> 01:28:35.061
I got to talk.
We got to talk.

2128
01:28:36.145 --> 01:28:39.023
♪ It's only a paper moon ♪

2129
01:28:39.691 --> 01:28:41.091
What's the problem?
What's going on?

2130
01:28:41.109 --> 01:28:42.485
I think I made
a terrible mistake.

2131
01:28:42.819 --> 01:28:44.946
Gretchen doesn't love me.
She never has.

2132
01:28:45.029 --> 01:28:46.864
Stop it. Stop.
Of course, she loves you.

2133
01:28:47.073 --> 01:28:48.449
Why would you even say that?

2134
01:28:48.533 --> 01:28:50.368
I overheard the two of you
talking, okay?

2135
01:28:52.745 --> 01:28:55.415
Okay, listen. Maybe she's
confused, or she has the jitters.

2136
01:28:55.498 --> 01:28:57.698
That's perfectly normal for a
woman at this stage, Doug.

2137
01:28:57.750 --> 01:28:59.335
You have to understand that.
It doesn't matter.

2138
01:28:59.419 --> 01:29:00.920
I don't love her, either.

2139
01:29:01.212 --> 01:29:03.047
I love the idea that
a girl who looks that hot

2140
01:29:03.131 --> 01:29:04.507
could like me.

2141
01:29:04.590 --> 01:29:07.510
I couldn't believe it. But
she's not "the one," Jimmy.

2142
01:29:07.593 --> 01:29:08.928
She's not even
"the two"

2143
01:29:09.012 --> 01:29:10.304
or "the three,"
for that matter.

2144
01:29:10.555 --> 01:29:11.973
Doug, nine days ago,
you came to me

2145
01:29:12.056 --> 01:29:13.433
and you asked me
to pull off a miracle.

2146
01:29:13.516 --> 01:29:14.517
Right now,
we're 30 minutes away

2147
01:29:14.600 --> 01:29:15.760
from pulling off
a Golden Tux.

2148
01:29:15.768 --> 01:29:17.353
I know. But then what?

2149
01:29:17.437 --> 01:29:19.022
Then I go back to
living what turns out

2150
01:29:19.105 --> 01:29:21.649
was a pretty lonely life. I
don't want that life anymore.

2151
01:29:22.108 --> 01:29:23.526
I don't want to be that guy.

2152
01:29:23.609 --> 01:29:24.944
Doug, you have to
calm down.

2153
01:29:25.028 --> 01:29:26.237
Everything is going
to be all right.

2154
01:29:26.320 --> 01:29:28.865
I don't want it
to be all right.

2155
01:29:28.948 --> 01:29:30.616
I want it to be great.

2156
01:29:30.783 --> 01:29:32.744
I want my real life to be

2157
01:29:32.827 --> 01:29:34.370
as fun as the one I paid for.

2158
01:29:34.454 --> 01:29:36.539
No shit, Doug.

2159
01:29:36.622 --> 01:29:38.458
You don't think
I want that? Hmm?

2160
01:29:38.916 --> 01:29:41.044
You don't think I want to
be a Delta Air Line pilot

2161
01:29:41.127 --> 01:29:42.336
or the CFO of Lubriderm

2162
01:29:42.420 --> 01:29:43.921
or whatever the hell
else I made up,

2163
01:29:44.005 --> 01:29:46.841
instead of being some guy that works
out of a renovated fucking closet?

2164
01:29:46.924 --> 01:29:48.009
You don't think
I would ask Alison

2165
01:29:48.092 --> 01:29:49.612
to come out and have
a burrito with me?

2166
01:29:49.635 --> 01:29:51.304
Me? With Jimmy Callahan?

2167
01:29:51.387 --> 01:29:53.473
Or say, "Hey, Doug, come on,
let's go have a beer next week."

2168
01:29:53.639 --> 01:29:54.807
"Maybe we can catch a game."

2169
01:29:54.891 --> 01:29:57.102
I want to do all of
that shit, but I can't.

2170
01:29:57.185 --> 01:29:59.065
Because I can't go out
there and tell the truth.

2171
01:29:59.145 --> 01:30:01.189
Because you need Bic.

2172
01:30:03.274 --> 01:30:04.734
Nobody needs Jimmy, man.

2173
01:30:04.817 --> 01:30:08.112
Okay? Not a single soul
needs Jimmy.

2174
01:30:08.613 --> 01:30:10.990
That's reality, Doug.

2175
01:30:11.324 --> 01:30:13.576
I'm going to go out here and
I'm going to make my toast,

2176
01:30:13.659 --> 01:30:15.244
and me and you,
we are done here.

2177
01:30:15.328 --> 01:30:17.288
We're done.

2178
01:30:17.371 --> 01:30:19.540
I suggest you get your
head back in the game.

2179
01:30:19.624 --> 01:30:21.000
It's showtime.

2180
01:30:27.673 --> 01:30:31.135
♪ If you believed in me ♪

2181
01:30:32.136 --> 01:30:34.806
Good evening. My name
is Bic Mitchum,

2182
01:30:34.889 --> 01:30:36.224
and, uh,
I just want to say

2183
01:30:36.307 --> 01:30:38.184
that it's an honor
to be here.

2184
01:30:38.643 --> 01:30:40.144
I've delivered many sermons,

2185
01:30:40.228 --> 01:30:41.813
but never
a best man's speech,

2186
01:30:41.896 --> 01:30:43.189
so, please bear with me.

2187
01:30:44.607 --> 01:30:46.234
Doug and I have been
through a lot together.

2188
01:30:46.317 --> 01:30:48.778
Happy times and sad.

2189
01:30:48.861 --> 01:30:50.113
When I was accepted
into the priesthood,

2190
01:30:50.196 --> 01:30:52.615
Doug was there waiting
for me with a huge hug

2191
01:30:52.698 --> 01:30:55.118
and a Bible that was
signed by Cardinal Enders.

2192
01:30:55.201 --> 01:30:56.953
And when his parents,
Merle and Irene,

2193
01:30:57.036 --> 01:30:58.704
passed,
God rest their souls,

2194
01:30:59.372 --> 01:31:00.581
I cried as if
they were my own.

2195
01:31:01.791 --> 01:31:03.459
You know, my grandmother
once told me

2196
01:31:03.543 --> 01:31:06.712
that the true measure
of friendship isn't...

2197
01:31:08.214 --> 01:31:10.550
Isn't how you feel
about someone else.

2198
01:31:12.718 --> 01:31:16.055
It's about how they make
you feel about yourself.

2199
01:31:18.349 --> 01:31:19.475
And, uh...

2200
01:31:20.685 --> 01:31:23.813
I can honestly say that
I've never had a friend

2201
01:31:23.896 --> 01:31:26.399
to make me feel the way
that you have, Doug.

2202
01:31:29.235 --> 01:31:30.903
Uh...

2203
01:31:36.576 --> 01:31:37.660
Um...

2204
01:31:45.418 --> 01:31:47.044
I'm sorry. Uh...

2205
01:31:50.548 --> 01:31:54.093
When Doug called me and told
me that he wanted to propose,

2206
01:31:56.012 --> 01:31:59.849
I was nervous. I was probably
just as nervous as he was.

2207
01:32:01.017 --> 01:32:03.102
And I remember asking him,

2208
01:32:04.854 --> 01:32:06.939
"Are you sure
she's 'the one'?"

2209
01:32:12.737 --> 01:32:13.738
Damn it.

2210
01:32:16.115 --> 01:32:17.158
He told me he, uh...

2211
01:32:17.241 --> 01:32:18.242
Stop!

2212
01:32:20.620 --> 01:32:23.080
What are you doing?
Just, uh, stop.

2213
01:32:25.291 --> 01:32:26.792
I don't know.

2214
01:32:27.376 --> 01:32:28.669
Doug.

2215
01:32:33.132 --> 01:32:34.425
What are you doing, Doug?

2216
01:32:34.508 --> 01:32:37.136
Are you sure that you want
to go through with this?

2217
01:32:37.303 --> 01:32:39.305
Thanks, Jimmy.
I've got it from here.

2218
01:32:41.349 --> 01:32:45.019
Hi. I've got
something to say.

2219
01:32:45.937 --> 01:32:48.147
None of this is real.

2220
01:32:48.356 --> 01:32:49.690
Ooh.
Uh-oh.

2221
01:32:50.608 --> 01:32:51.776
What?

2222
01:32:52.860 --> 01:32:54.654
See, although
the flowers are beautiful

2223
01:32:54.737 --> 01:32:57.490
and the salad
dressing is great,

2224
01:32:57.823 --> 01:32:59.116
we're not married,

2225
01:32:59.200 --> 01:33:00.826
Gretchen and I.

2226
01:33:01.160 --> 01:33:02.160
We can't be

2227
01:33:02.203 --> 01:33:04.789
because my friend Bic
is not a priest.

2228
01:33:05.581 --> 01:33:06.916
Oh, shit, here we go.

2229
01:33:06.999 --> 01:33:08.918
Yeah. In fact, he's not
even in the Army.

2230
01:33:09.001 --> 01:33:10.503
His real name is Jimmy,

2231
01:33:10.586 --> 01:33:12.296
and I hired him
to be my best man

2232
01:33:12.380 --> 01:33:14.257
because I had
no other options.

2233
01:33:14.340 --> 01:33:15.800
Same with all my groomsmen.

2234
01:33:15.883 --> 01:33:18.261
I actually don't even know
their real last names.

2235
01:33:18.344 --> 01:33:19.929
Bronstein.
...is Japanese.

2236
01:33:20.096 --> 01:33:22.265
It's good to meet you guys.
So, please stay

2237
01:33:22.348 --> 01:33:23.933
and enjoy the cake.

2238
01:33:26.018 --> 01:33:27.103
What do we do now?

2239
01:33:27.186 --> 01:33:28.437
We need to get
the fuck out of here.

2240
01:33:28.521 --> 01:33:29.605
Yeah.
Great stuff tonight.

2241
01:33:29.689 --> 01:33:30.731
Thank you so much, bud.

2242
01:33:31.357 --> 01:33:33.401
Are you out of
your fucking mind?

2243
01:33:35.861 --> 01:33:37.280
Look, Gretch,
who were we kidding?

2244
01:33:37.363 --> 01:33:39.123
You didn't grow up
dreaming of a guy like me.

2245
01:33:39.198 --> 01:33:41.659
Your knight is out there somewhere.
Go find him.

2246
01:33:41.826 --> 01:33:43.577
I'm going to
tear your head off.

2247
01:33:43.828 --> 01:33:45.955
You goddamn motherfucking
pathetic piece of shit.

2248
01:33:46.038 --> 01:33:47.707
Señor, let's just relax. Get
out of my way, you fairy.

2249
01:33:47.790 --> 01:33:49.030
Fairy?

2250
01:33:52.169 --> 01:33:54.171
- Love you, Dougie!
- Calm down.

2251
01:33:54.463 --> 01:33:56.173
You motherfuckers!

2252
01:33:56.257 --> 01:33:57.883
I swear to God...

2253
01:34:02.346 --> 01:34:03.472
What the fuck?

2254
01:34:03.556 --> 01:34:04.890
I will cut you!

2255
01:34:05.641 --> 01:34:06.726
Shit, man.

2256
01:34:07.351 --> 01:34:09.979
Good game, kid. That
was a hell of a catch.

2257
01:34:10.062 --> 01:34:11.063
Oh.

2258
01:34:11.188 --> 01:34:12.189
All right. Thanks.

2259
01:34:12.648 --> 01:34:14.775
Hey. No ass-touching
off the field, Joe.

2260
01:34:14.859 --> 01:34:16.485
I knew you were
full of shit

2261
01:34:16.569 --> 01:34:17.778
from the moment I met you.

2262
01:34:17.862 --> 01:34:19.864
I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but if you're ever in the mood,

2263
01:34:19.947 --> 01:34:21.282
I know a place that
has great burritos.

2264
01:34:21.365 --> 01:34:22.491
You just ruined
my sister's wedding

2265
01:34:22.575 --> 01:34:23.784
and you're asking me
out on a date?

2266
01:34:23.868 --> 01:34:25.244
Yes, I am.
Can I call you?

2267
01:34:26.912 --> 01:34:28.247
Yeah, you better.
I will.

2268
01:34:28.748 --> 01:34:29.749
Oh.

2269
01:34:35.629 --> 01:34:37.548
We were
this close, Doug.

2270
01:34:37.631 --> 01:34:39.175
Yeah, well,
maybe next time.

2271
01:34:39.342 --> 01:34:40.343
Yeah.

2272
01:34:40.760 --> 01:34:41.761
Oh.

2273
01:34:42.053 --> 01:34:43.054
Here.

2274
01:34:44.847 --> 01:34:46.390
You saved me, Jimmy.

2275
01:34:46.474 --> 01:34:48.184
Yeah, well,
you saved me, too.

2276
01:34:48.434 --> 01:34:50.227
Did you mean what
you said back there?

2277
01:34:51.604 --> 01:34:52.646
Am I really your friend?

2278
01:34:53.314 --> 01:34:54.690
Yeah, of course I meant it.

2279
01:34:56.442 --> 01:34:58.319
Does that mean you
don't want my money?

2280
01:34:58.402 --> 01:35:00.654
Fuck yeah, I want this money.
I earned this money, man.

2281
01:35:00.738 --> 01:35:01.864
Damn it.

2282
01:35:01.947 --> 01:35:03.616
So, what the hell
do we do now?

2283
01:35:03.783 --> 01:35:05.868
You still have those two first-class
tickets for your honeymoon?

2284
01:35:05.951 --> 01:35:07.787
Yeah, why?
I've got an idea.

2285
01:35:08.287 --> 01:35:11.332
This is going to be the best
honeymoon ever!

2286
01:35:11.582 --> 01:35:13.626
Ever honeymoon best
the be to going is this!

2287
01:35:13.959 --> 01:35:15.002
Cheers, my friend.

2288
01:35:15.086 --> 01:35:16.087
To your first guy trip.

2289
01:35:16.295 --> 01:35:17.463
Mmm. I'll drink to that.

2290
01:35:18.798 --> 01:35:20.216
Everyone, please,

2291
01:35:20.299 --> 01:35:22.301
I need you to
take your seats.

2292
01:35:22.468 --> 01:35:24.303
Please fasten
your seat belts.

2293
01:35:24.929 --> 01:35:26.806
Can I unfasten
my pants belt?

2294
01:35:27.264 --> 01:35:28.391
Oh.

2295
01:35:30.184 --> 01:35:31.894
Oh, hello. Would you mind
holding this for a second?

2296
01:35:31.977 --> 01:35:33.729
Yes, Doug.
Thank you so much.

2297
01:35:33.813 --> 01:35:35.272
Oh, no. Okay.

2298
01:35:35.564 --> 01:35:36.565
Oh.

2299
01:35:40.653 --> 01:35:42.905
Oh! Hi, there!

2300
01:35:43.781 --> 01:35:45.825
You like that,
don't you?

2301
01:35:46.117 --> 01:35:48.077
Is that a dog? You can't
have a dog on the plane.

2302
01:35:48.160 --> 01:35:49.286
This? No,
it's a service dog.

2303
01:35:49.370 --> 01:35:50.746
That's a service dog, man.

2304
01:35:50.830 --> 01:35:52.081
Let me show you what type
of service it can do.

2305
01:35:52.415 --> 01:35:53.582
Somebody send up
the peanut butter!

2306
01:35:53.666 --> 01:35:55.026
No! No peanut butter!

2307
01:35:55.167 --> 01:35:56.710
♪ You put the weed
in the coconut

2308
01:35:56.794 --> 01:35:58.421
♪ You light that shit up

2309
01:35:58.504 --> 01:36:00.214
♪ You put the weed
in the coconut

2310
01:36:00.297 --> 01:36:01.424
<i>♪ And light that shit up</i>

2311
01:36:01.590 --> 01:36:04.343
♪ You put the weed in the
coconut And light that shit up

2312
01:36:04.677 --> 01:36:06.595
♪ You put
the weed in the coconut

2313
01:36:06.679 --> 01:36:08.180
<i>♪ And light that shit up</i>

2314
01:36:08.431 --> 01:36:12.017
♪ You put the weed
in the coconut

2315
01:36:12.143 --> 01:36:14.478
♪ And you light
that shit up ♪

2316
01:36:14.562 --> 01:36:16.647
Stop it, Doug.

2317
01:36:16.814 --> 01:36:18.691
I got a bad feeling
about this flight.

2318
01:36:18.858 --> 01:36:20.109
♪ Grab your shotgun

2319
01:36:20.276 --> 01:36:21.652
♪ Cock it back

2320
01:36:21.777 --> 01:36:24.238
♪ Shoot the sun
until the sky is black

2321
01:36:24.780 --> 01:36:27.700
♪ Now I sure hope
that the sun got rhythm

2322
01:36:27.867 --> 01:36:30.703
♪ 'Cause he gonna dance
when that music hit him

2323
01:36:30.953 --> 01:36:34.081
♪ Like bang, bang, bang
Darkness falls

2324
01:36:34.206 --> 01:36:37.126
♪ In the nighttime
I'm camouflage

2325
01:36:37.334 --> 01:36:40.254
♪ Now I-I-I-I
don't know who you are

2326
01:36:40.337 --> 01:36:43.257
♪ But, girl, I wanna know
if you can move like this

2327
01:36:43.382 --> 01:36:45.384
♪ And I-I-I-I

2328
01:36:45.468 --> 01:36:47.094
♪ Don't know
if you gonna tell me

2329
01:36:47.178 --> 01:36:49.346
♪ But I wanna know
what your name is

2330
01:36:49.597 --> 01:36:51.515
<i>♪ And you-you-you-you</i>

2331
01:36:51.599 --> 01:36:53.476
♪ Gonna make me
fall in love with you

2332
01:36:53.559 --> 01:36:55.436
♪ If you keep on
shaking your hips

2333
01:36:55.519 --> 01:36:58.355
♪ Now can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2334
01:36:58.439 --> 01:37:01.442
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2335
01:37:01.525 --> 01:37:04.570
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2336
01:37:04.820 --> 01:37:07.656
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2337
01:37:07.740 --> 01:37:10.826
♪ I know you think
that you can move

2338
01:37:10.910 --> 01:37:13.871
♪ But can you groove
the way I groove?

2339
01:37:20.586 --> 01:37:22.004
♪ Grab your slingshot

2340
01:37:22.087 --> 01:37:23.589
♪ Find a stone

2341
01:37:23.756 --> 01:37:26.675
♪ Shoot the moon
until the night is gone

2342
01:37:26.759 --> 01:37:29.762
♪ Now I sure hope
that moon got rhythm

2343
01:37:29.887 --> 01:37:32.806
♪ 'Cause he gonna rock
when my stone hit him

2344
01:37:32.932 --> 01:37:35.935
♪ Like boom, boom, boom
Let me shine

2345
01:37:36.018 --> 01:37:38.979
♪ He should know
that the day is mine

2346
01:37:39.146 --> 01:37:42.149
♪ Now I-I-I-I
don't know who you are

2347
01:37:42.274 --> 01:37:45.277
♪ But, girl, I wanna know
if you can move like this

2348
01:37:45.361 --> 01:37:47.279
♪ And I-I-I-I

2349
01:37:47.363 --> 01:37:48.781
♪ Don't know
if you gonna tell me

2350
01:37:48.864 --> 01:37:51.367
♪ But I wanna know
what your name is

2351
01:37:51.450 --> 01:37:53.494
<i>♪ And you-you-you-you</i>

2352
01:37:53.577 --> 01:37:55.704
♪ Gonna make me
fall in love with you

2353
01:37:55.788 --> 01:37:57.164
♪ If you keep on
shaking your hips

2354
01:37:57.248 --> 01:38:00.292
♪ Now can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2355
01:38:00.376 --> 01:38:03.379
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2356
01:38:03.462 --> 01:38:06.465
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2357
01:38:06.549 --> 01:38:09.552
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2358
01:38:09.635 --> 01:38:12.805
♪ I know you think
that you can move

2359
01:38:12.930 --> 01:38:16.225
♪ But can you groove
the way I groove?

2360
01:38:16.308 --> 01:38:19.228
♪ Now why are you
standing on the wall?

2361
01:38:19.478 --> 01:38:22.189
♪ Did you come
to dance at all?

2362
01:38:22.273 --> 01:38:25.484
♪ I'm watching you,
girl, watching me

2363
01:38:25.609 --> 01:38:28.320
♪ If you got moves
then let me see

2364
01:38:28.445 --> 01:38:31.782
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Can you do this, lady?

2365
01:38:31.865 --> 01:38:34.785
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Can you move like I do?

2366
01:38:34.910 --> 01:38:37.955
♪ Can you do this? ♪ Can
you shake, shake it, mama?

2367
01:38:38.038 --> 01:38:40.749
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Can you break it on down?

2368
01:38:40.833 --> 01:38:43.669
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2369
01:38:43.919 --> 01:38:46.755
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2370
01:38:46.839 --> 01:38:49.842
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2371
01:38:49.925 --> 01:38:52.928
♪ Can you do this?
♪ Yeah, I can do that

2372
01:38:53.053 --> 01:38:56.265
♪ I know you think
that you can groove

2373
01:38:56.348 --> 01:38:59.143
♪ But can you move
the way I move? ♪

2374
01:41:09.273 --> 01:41:10.775
Okay. Yeah.
Okay?

2375
01:41:10.941 --> 01:41:12.109
Put your weight
into it.

2376
01:41:13.318 --> 01:41:14.486
Oh!

2377
01:41:14.653 --> 01:41:16.363
You hit me in my back.

2378
01:41:16.989 --> 01:41:19.074
I trust you, you're not gonna do it.
Don't trust me!