WEBVTT FILE

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<i> WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,</i>

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<i> THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN,</i>
<i> RUSTY GRISWOLD.</i>

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<i> HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED</i>
<i> YOUR 18-MINUTE FLIGHT</i>

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<i> FROM SOUTH BEND.</i>

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WE'LL BE TOUCHING DOWN

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AT CHICAGO'S MIDWAY
VERY SHORTLY.

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WE'D LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR FLYING WITH US TODAY

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BECAUSE AT ECONO AIR,
WE'RE WORKING HARD

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TO WIN BACK YOUR TRUST.

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HARRY, YOU MIND TAKIN' OVER
WHILE I HIT THE LAV?

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SURE THING, RUSTY.

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THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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OH, AND RUSTY.

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MM-HMM.
I WANNA THANK YOU

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FOR GOIN' TO BAT FOR ME
LAST WEEK.

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I WAS HAPPY TO DO IT.

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YOU KNOW, JUST 'CAUSE CORPORATE
SAYS YOU'RE TOO OLD TO FLY,

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IT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.

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IF ANYTHING, YOU'RE MORE
QUALIFIED THAN US YOUNGER GUYS.

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MEANS A LOT TO ME.

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SURE THING.

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-OH, AND RUSTY.
-MM-HMM.

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I WANNA THANK YOU FOR GOIN'
TO BAT FOR ME LAST WEEK.

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YEAH.

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YOU BET.

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DAD, IS THAT THE PILOT?

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IT SURE IS.

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HE JUST CAME
FROM THE COCKPIT.

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WHOA!

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HEY THERE, LITTLE GUY.
HI!

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IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME
ON A PLANE?

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WE WERE PLANNING
ON DRIVING,

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BUT TYLER HERE
HAS BEEN BEGGIN' US

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TO GO ON HIS FIRST
AIRPLANE.

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OH, IS THAT RIGHT?
UH-HUH.

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DO YOU THINK I CAN BE A PILOT
WHEN I GROW UP?

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YEAH, WELL,
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

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YOU JUST HAVE TO STUDY HARD

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AND LISTEN
TO YOUR PARENTS, ALL RIGHT?

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WHOA!
OH.

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O-OKAY.

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SORRY ABOUT THAT.

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LITTLE BIT OF ROUGH AIR.

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IT'S OKAY.
RIGHT?

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YEAH. YEAH.

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UH, DON'T, UH,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

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HEY. WE CALL THAT "TURBULENCE,"
ALL RIGHT?

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THAT'S WHEN THE PLANE --

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OH!

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OH, SO SORRY.

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OKAY. YOU FOLKS ENJOY
THE REST OF YOUR FLIGHT.

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LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND.

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CAN YOU PLEASE
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM US?!

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HARRY!
YOU TOOK US UP TO 60,000 FEET!

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WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!

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OH, RUSTY.

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I WANNA THANK YOU FOR GOIN'
TO BAT FOR ME LAST WEEK.

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OR THE TIME
THAT PAN CONTINENTAL

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PUT US UP
AT THE RITZ IN BARCELONA.

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YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YA ONE THING
ABOUT THE SPANISH WOMEN --

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THEY, UH, THEY LOVE THEM
SOME AIRLINE PILOTS.

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THEY DO!

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I NEVER TOOK THE UNIFORM OFF
EXCEPT WHEN I DID.

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LADIES.

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ALL FULL. YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE.

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BUT I WAS...
YOU WERE WHAT?

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I'LL CATCH THE NEXT ONE.

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SEE YA AROUND, ECONO AIR.

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IT'S THE THIRD TIME
THIS MONTH.
I KNOW.

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YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT HIM.
I WILL.

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HE'S ALWAYS PICKING ON ME.
I KNOW HE IS.

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I'M SO SORRY, HONEY.
HEY.

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HEY.
HI.

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WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OH, YOU'LL SEE.

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KEVIN!
GET DOWN HERE, PLEASE.

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LOOK WHAT KEVIN DID
TO MY GUITAR.

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AW. NOT AGAIN.

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GOD.
YOU TOLD MOM AND DAD?

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YOU HAVE SUCH A VAGINA.

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OKAY, ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.

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NOW, YOUNG MAN,
WE TALKED ABOUT

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THE BULLYING
OF YOUR OLDER BROTHER.

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THAT'S RIGHT.
WE DON'T MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE

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JUST 'CAUSE THEY'RE A LITTLE
DIFFERENT FROM US.

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D--
I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA!

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I'M JUST SAYING
THAT EVEN IF YOU DID,

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IT WOULDN'T BE OKAY FOR KEVIN
TO TEASE YOU ABOUT YOUR VAGINA.

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NO! WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT SOUND
LIKE I HAVE A VAGINA?!

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I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A VAGINA.
I'M NOT DOING THAT.

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KEVIN, APOLOGIZE
TO YOUR BROTHER, PLEASE.

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FINE.
I'M SORRY.

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NOW, GO TO YOUR ROOM.

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I WAS IN MY FUCKING ROOM.

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WHOA. HEY, KEVIN?
GET BACK DOWN HERE.

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NOW LISTEN.

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THERE ARE A LOT OF BOYS
WHO ARE BORN WITH VAGINAS.

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IT'S VERY HARD FOR THEM.

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HONEY.
HMM?

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W-WHY?

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IT'S A TEACHABLE MOMENT,
HON.

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GENDER FLUIDITY, RIGHT?

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IT'S A VERY SERIOUS ISSUE.

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I'M NOT GENDER-FLUID.

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IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOU ARE.

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THE POINT IS,
YOUR MOM AND I WOULD LOVE YOU

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EVEN IF YOU WERE
COMPLETELY BLANK DOWN THERE.

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OKAY, THAT'S NOT --
THIS IS NOT THE POINT.

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THIS -- NONE -- KEVIN?
JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM.

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HEY, JAMES, DON'T GET
YOUR GENDER FLUID ON ME.

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- AWESOME.
- STOP!

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IT'S NOT A FLUID!

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AND WHAT ABOUT MY GUITAR?

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IT-- IT'S RUINED.

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LET ME HAVE A LOOK.

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HERE YA GO.
THAT'LL DO FOR NOW.

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NOW GET WASHED UP.

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THE PETERSONS ARE COMING OVER
FOR DINNER.

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MWAH.

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OKAY, BABY.

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OH, GOSH.

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I'LL GET YOU A NEW GUITAR.
OKAY?

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OH, USE THE VITAMIX.
JUST GRIND IT UP.

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THE DRY BIT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.

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SHEILA.

125
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SO DO YOU HAVE TO WORK
TOMORROW?

126
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SO, UM, S-SHEILA.

127
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'CAUSE I WANT TO GO
TO THE MOVIES WITH MY FRIENDS.

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SHEILA.

129
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WHAT?

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DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL THIS YEAR?

131
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IT'S OKAY.

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"SO, DO YOU LIKE SCHOOL
THIS YEAR?"

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THAT'S SERIOUSLY
WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.

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JUST SHUT UP.

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GOD,
I'M TELLIN' YOU, RUSS,

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YOU'VE GOTTA GET

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ONE OF THESE
GO-KART KITS.

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WHAT?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

139
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GARY AND I SPENT

140
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THE LAST TWO MONTHS
BUILDING THIS THING.

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WE TOOK HER OUT THIS MORNING
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

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HOLY MOLY.

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FUN?

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NO, NO,
IT WAS TERRIBLE.

145
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OH, YEAH, IT WAS FUN!

146
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HOT DAMN!
IT'S A GO-KART.

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G-MAN, GET OVER HERE.

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G-MAN, G-MAN,
G-MAN, G-MAN, G-MAN.
UH-OH. UH-OH.

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OH, MY GOD, MY G-MAN.

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I LOVE HIM.

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GET IN THERE.
WHAT? OH, I DIDN'T --

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WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

153
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GET IN THERE.
GET IN THERE. GET IN THERE.

154
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GET IN THERE.
BLBLBLBLBL!

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OH, MAN!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

156
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OH.
OH, TELL MR. GRISWOLD
HOW DOPE OUR GO-KART IS.

157
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IT'S GOT A ZANARDI CHASSIS

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AND A FOUR-STROKE
BRIGGS & STRATTON ENGINE.

159
00:09:00.973 --> 00:09:03.373
WOW. AND YOU GUYS
BUILT THIS TOGETHER?
YEP.

160
00:09:03.375 --> 00:09:05.174
WE WORKED ON IT EVERY DAY AFTER
HOMEWORK AND TOOTHBRUSHIN'.

161
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I LOVE -- GET OVER HERE.
GET OVER HERE, MAN.

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AAH! AAH!

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WORK IT, SUGAR RAY.

164
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COME ON, SUGAR RAY.
OHH! OHH! OHH!

165
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HE'S WORKIN' ME OVER.

166
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I'M GONNA EAT YOUR FACE!

167
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KEVIN, JAMES, GET OVER HERE!

168
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NO.

169
00:09:19.520 --> 00:09:20.819
COME ON.

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OH! OH!
THERE YOU ARE!

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OW. OW.

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WHOA-HO!
DAD, STOP.

173
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COME ON, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

174
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COME ON. WE'RE SPARRING.
WE DO THIS ALL THE TIME.

175
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-NO. WE NEVER DO THIS.
-COME ON.

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MNH. OW. HEY!
DON'T -- DON'T HIT YOUR OLD MAN.

177
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I DON'T WANNA
BE A PART OF THIS.

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WHOA!

179
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D-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
AAH! AAH! AAH!

180
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THIS IS HOW
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
SACRIFICE!

181
00:09:39.401 --> 00:09:40.900
AAH!
DAD!

182
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LET GO OF ME. STOP!
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

183
00:09:44.805 --> 00:09:46.004
I'M SORRY, MAN.

184
00:09:46.006 --> 00:09:47.705
COME ON.
I WAS JUST FOOLIN' AROUND.

185
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THAT WASN'T FUN.
LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.

186
00:09:49.341 --> 00:09:51.007
WE NEVER DO THAT.
HEY.

187
00:09:51.009 --> 00:09:53.242
WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND I BUILD
A GO-KART TOGETHER?

188
00:09:54.477 --> 00:09:55.810
IF WE HAVE TO.

189
00:09:55.812 --> 00:09:57.311
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT!

190
00:09:57.313 --> 00:09:59.579
G-MAN!
GET OUTTA HERE.

191
00:09:59.581 --> 00:10:00.913
GET OUTTA HERE, G-MAN!

192
00:10:02.249 --> 00:10:05.083
D-DID YOU JUST STEAL
MY SON'S NICKNAME?

193
00:10:10.589 --> 00:10:11.889
I'M NOT SURE ABOUT --
OH, SHOOT.

194
00:10:11.891 --> 00:10:13.323
OH.
DANG IT.

195
00:10:13.325 --> 00:10:15.258
WOW. YOUR RING
IS GETTING LOOSE, THERE, DEB.

196
00:10:15.260 --> 00:10:16.859
MM. YEAH.
ARE YOU LOSIN' WEIGHT?

197
00:10:16.861 --> 00:10:18.994
YEAH. I AM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING?

198
00:10:18.996 --> 00:10:20.528
SPINNING.

199
00:10:20.530 --> 00:10:22.696
YEAH. IT'S A --
IT'S A GREAT STRESS RELIEVER.

200
00:10:22.698 --> 00:10:25.365
NOW, I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT'S
AN EVEN GREATER STRESS RELIEVER.

201
00:10:25.367 --> 00:10:27.433
AND THAT IS
A WEEK IN PARIS.

202
00:10:27.435 --> 00:10:30.169
OH, MY GOSH!
I SAW THAT ON INSTAGRAM.

203
00:10:30.171 --> 00:10:31.737
ALL YOUR PICTURES
WERE SO GREAT.

204
00:10:31.739 --> 00:10:33.205
OH, SO YOU DID SEE 'EM.
YEAH!

205
00:10:33.207 --> 00:10:35.040
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY
'CAUSE I WAS GONNA ASK

206
00:10:35.042 --> 00:10:36.674
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T LIKE
ANY OF 'EM.

207
00:10:36.676 --> 00:10:38.442
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I JUST SAID I DID.

208
00:10:38.444 --> 00:10:39.843
WELL, NO,
ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS,

209
00:10:39.845 --> 00:10:41.711
UH, WHO SAW MY PARIS PICS,
THEY CLICKED "LIKE."

210
00:10:41.713 --> 00:10:43.345
YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE
WHO DIDN'T CLICK "LIKE."

211
00:10:43.347 --> 00:10:44.579
OH.

212
00:10:44.581 --> 00:10:46.247
I GUESS I JUST
DIDN'T GET AROUND

213
00:10:46.249 --> 00:10:48.515
TO ACTUALLY
CLICKING "LIKE" ON THEM.

214
00:10:48.517 --> 00:10:49.616
OKAY,
'CAUSE LOOK AT THIS ONE.

215
00:10:49.618 --> 00:10:50.950
NOW, IN THIS ONE,

216
00:10:50.952 --> 00:10:53.786
WE HAVE SHEILA AND GARY
WEARIN' BERETS.

217
00:10:53.788 --> 00:10:54.953
I KNOW.
RIGHT? BONJOUR.

218
00:10:54.955 --> 00:10:56.354
I KNOW.
I LIKE THAT ONE SO MUCH.

219
00:10:56.356 --> 00:10:57.521
IT'S SO CUTE.
BUT YOU DIDN'T "LIKE" IT.

220
00:10:57.523 --> 00:10:59.089
OKAY.

221
00:10:59.091 --> 00:11:01.291
NOW, HERE ARE THE FOUR OF US
AT THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE.

222
00:11:01.293 --> 00:11:03.259
DIDN'T "LIKE" THAT.
DIDN'T "LIKE" MY CHILDREN.

223
00:11:03.261 --> 00:11:05.127
DIDN'T "LIKE" MY MAN
KISSIN' ON ME.

224
00:11:05.129 --> 00:11:07.229
I-I-I PROMISE YOU,
THE SECOND YOU GUYS LEAVE,

225
00:11:07.231 --> 00:11:09.197
I AM GONNA GO UPSTAIRS ONLINE,

226
00:11:09.199 --> 00:11:11.799
AND I AM GONNA CLICK "LIKE"
ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

227
00:11:11.801 --> 00:11:13.367
HONESTLY, HONEY,
IT REALLY --
I PROMISE.

228
00:11:13.369 --> 00:11:15.635
IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE
TO ME.

229
00:11:17.237 --> 00:11:20.272
SO, ARE YOU GUYS GOING ANYWHERE
SPECIAL THIS SUMMER?

230
00:11:20.274 --> 00:11:22.140
OH, I WISH.
YEAH. NO.

231
00:11:22.142 --> 00:11:24.442
WE'RE -- WE ARE RENTING
THE SAME CABIN

232
00:11:24.444 --> 00:11:25.810
THAT WE'VE BEEN RENTING
FOR 10 YEARS

233
00:11:25.812 --> 00:11:27.812
IN CHEBOYGAN, MICHIGAN.
WOW.

234
00:11:27.814 --> 00:11:29.413
The boys call it
"Che-boring," Michigan.

235
00:11:30.783 --> 00:11:32.082
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?

236
00:11:32.084 --> 00:11:33.616
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO SOMEPLACE ELSE?

237
00:11:33.618 --> 00:11:36.151
OH, NO. WE CAN'T.
RUSTY LOVES IT SO MUCH.

238
00:11:36.153 --> 00:11:38.286
I WOULD BREAK HIS HEART
IF I TOLD HIM THAT
WE HATE THE CABIN.

239
00:11:38.288 --> 00:11:39.420
OH, BOY.
YEAH.

240
00:11:39.422 --> 00:11:42.456
I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND.

241
00:11:42.458 --> 00:11:44.558
YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT THE GOOD NEWS IS?

242
00:11:44.560 --> 00:11:45.992
HMM?

243
00:11:45.994 --> 00:11:48.227
HONESTLY,
EVEN IF YOU GO THERE

244
00:11:48.229 --> 00:11:50.128
AND YOU DON'T HAVE
A GREAT TIME, BABY,

245
00:11:50.130 --> 00:11:51.562
AT LEAST YOU KNOW

246
00:11:51.564 --> 00:11:53.297
THAT I WILL CLICK "LIKE"
ON ALL YOUR PHOTOS.

247
00:11:53.299 --> 00:11:55.132
OH, JESUS CHRIST, NANCY.

248
00:11:55.134 --> 00:11:57.434
<i> LOOK! LOOK!</i>

249
00:11:59.004 --> 00:12:00.937
<i> WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?</i>

250
00:12:00.939 --> 00:12:02.471
<i>- LOUIE!</i>
<i>- YES, SIR.</i>

251
00:12:02.473 --> 00:12:05.674
<i> OH, YOU'RE BACK THERE!</i>
<i> GET OUT!</i>

252
00:12:13.782 --> 00:12:15.649
<i> WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!</i>

253
00:12:15.651 --> 00:12:18.684
<i> HEY, MADAM. HOW MUCH CAPELLINI</i>
<i> ARE YOU THROWING AWAY?</i>

254
00:12:19.952 --> 00:12:22.086
<i> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MELINDA?</i>

255
00:12:22.987 --> 00:12:25.588
<i> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?</i>

256
00:12:25.590 --> 00:12:28.090
<i>- YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD!</i>
<i>- YES, CHEF.</i>

257
00:12:28.092 --> 00:12:29.357
<i> SO FUCKING MAD!</i>
<i> YES, CHEF.</i>

258
00:12:29.359 --> 00:12:31.025
<i>- JOSEPH!</i>
<i>- YES, CHEF.</i>

259
00:12:59.117 --> 00:13:00.683
GUYS, I HAVE EXCITING NEWS.

260
00:13:00.685 --> 00:13:01.984
JAMES HAS AIDS?!

261
00:13:01.986 --> 00:13:04.119
WHAT? NO!
THAT'S HORRIBLE.

262
00:13:04.121 --> 00:13:06.488
I'D BE EXCITED.
WELL, WHAT IS IT?
WHAT IS IT?

263
00:13:06.490 --> 00:13:08.122
THE FOUR OF US ARE GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE TRIP.

264
00:13:08.124 --> 00:13:09.356
PARIS.

265
00:13:09.358 --> 00:13:11.358
HMM? NO.
MUCH BETTER.

266
00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:14.827
WE'RE DRIVING TO WALLEY WORLD.

267
00:13:14.829 --> 00:13:15.794
WHAT?

268
00:13:15.796 --> 00:13:17.128
THIS FAMILY'S IN A RUT.

269
00:13:17.130 --> 00:13:18.195
WE GOTTA SHAKE THINGS UP.
RIGHT?

270
00:13:18.197 --> 00:13:19.597
SPEND A LITTLE QUALITY TIME.

271
00:13:19.599 --> 00:13:21.265
AND OF COURSE,
IT WOULDN'T HURT

272
00:13:21.267 --> 00:13:23.400
FOR THE BOYS TO LEARN
TO GET ALONG A LITTLE BETTER.

273
00:13:23.402 --> 00:13:26.002
UH, BY LOCKING THEM
IN A CAR TOGETHER?
YEAH.

274
00:13:26.004 --> 00:13:27.737
THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT
RIGHT HERE!

275
00:13:27.739 --> 00:13:29.438
HEY!
LANGUAGE!
WELL, IT IS!

276
00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:31.807
I'M GONNA MISS THE FIRST WEEK
OF WRESTLING PRACTICE!

277
00:13:31.809 --> 00:13:34.075
WE'LL FIND A WRESTLING RANGE
ALONG THE WAY.

278
00:13:34.077 --> 00:13:35.643
THAT'S NOT EVEN A THING!

279
00:13:35.645 --> 00:13:37.077
AND, DAD, NO OFFENSE,

280
00:13:37.079 --> 00:13:38.645
BUT I JUST DON'T WANNA DO
MY FIRST BIG ROAD TRIP

281
00:13:38.647 --> 00:13:40.680
TO SOME CORPORATE THEME PARK,
YOU KNOW?

282
00:13:40.682 --> 00:13:42.748
I'D LIKE TO EXPLORE
THE REAL AMERICA,

283
00:13:42.750 --> 00:13:46.150
LIKE, UH, JACK KEROUAC
OR THE MERRY PRANKSTERS.

284
00:13:46.152 --> 00:13:47.284
OW.

285
00:13:47.286 --> 00:13:49.252
DON'T SAY WEIRD SHIT!
OW!

286
00:13:49.254 --> 00:13:51.420
KEVIN! BULLYING!
GUYS, COME ON.

287
00:13:51.422 --> 00:13:52.821
MY TRIP TO WALLEY WORLD
WHEN I WAS A KID

288
00:13:52.823 --> 00:13:54.355
WAS THE BEST TIME I EVER HAD.

289
00:13:54.357 --> 00:13:58.825
SO YOU JUST WANNA REDO
YOUR VACATION FROM 30 YEARS AGO?

290
00:13:58.827 --> 00:14:01.027
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA BE
KIND OF A LETDOWN?

291
00:14:01.029 --> 00:14:03.195
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE'RE NOT REDOING ANYTHING.

292
00:14:03.197 --> 00:14:04.996
THIS WILL BE
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

293
00:14:04.998 --> 00:14:07.198
FOR ONE THING, THE ORIGINAL
VACATION HAD A BOY AND A GIRL.

294
00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:09.099
THIS ONE HAS TWO BOYS.

295
00:14:09.101 --> 00:14:13.036
AND I'M SURE THAT THERE WILL BE
LOTS OF OTHER DIFFERENCES.

296
00:14:13.038 --> 00:14:14.971
I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD
OF THE ORIGINAL VACATION.

297
00:14:14.973 --> 00:14:16.272
DOESN'T MATTER.

298
00:14:16.274 --> 00:14:18.107
THE NEW VACATION
WILL STAND ON ITS OWN.

299
00:14:18.109 --> 00:14:19.308
OKAY?

300
00:14:19.310 --> 00:14:20.776
COME ON, HONEY.

301
00:14:20.778 --> 00:14:24.179
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WE CAN DRIVE OUT AND FLY BACK.

302
00:14:24.181 --> 00:14:25.947
OH, WHAT THE HECK.

303
00:14:25.949 --> 00:14:28.616
IT COULDN'T BE AS BAD AS THAT
STUPID CABIN, RIGHT, HONEY?

304
00:14:28.618 --> 00:14:30.150
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
ALL RIGHT.

305
00:14:30.152 --> 00:14:32.552
FUCK ME.

306
00:14:32.554 --> 00:14:34.453
ARE WE GONNA DRIVE ALL THAT WAY
IN YOUR LITTLE CAR, DAD?

307
00:14:34.455 --> 00:14:36.655
NOT EXACTLY.

308
00:14:48.498 --> 00:14:50.499
- COME ON, GUYS.
-         WHAT?

309
00:14:50.501 --> 00:14:52.000
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW ME
JUST THEN?

310
00:14:52.002 --> 00:14:54.168
OH.
YOU WANTED US TO?

311
00:14:54.170 --> 00:14:56.036
YEAH. THAT'S WHY
I DANGLED THE KEY LIKE THAT.

312
00:14:56.038 --> 00:14:58.071
OH, WELL, I DON'T --
WHY ELSE WOULD I...?

313
00:14:58.073 --> 00:14:59.572
YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID,
"COME WITH ME."

314
00:15:01.142 --> 00:15:02.741
LOOK WHAT YOUR DAD RENTED.

315
00:15:03.843 --> 00:15:04.909
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

316
00:15:04.911 --> 00:15:06.477
KEVIN.

317
00:15:06.479 --> 00:15:09.012
THAT'S A 2015
TARTAN PRANCER.

318
00:15:09.014 --> 00:15:10.513
DID YOU SAY "TARTAN,"
HONEY?
YEAH.

319
00:15:10.515 --> 00:15:11.981
TARTAN'S THE HONDA
OF ALBANIA.

320
00:15:11.983 --> 00:15:14.049
WHY'D YOU GET
AN ALBANIAN CAR, DAD?

321
00:15:14.051 --> 00:15:16.418
WELL, IT TURNS OUT
RENTING A FAMILY CAR
ON MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

322
00:15:16.420 --> 00:15:17.719
DOESN'T LEAVE YOU
WITH A LOT OF OPTIONS.

323
00:15:17.721 --> 00:15:20.421
BUT THIS BABY
IS PRETTY SWEET.

324
00:15:20.423 --> 00:15:22.689
IT'S GOT ALL THE LATEST
ALBANIAN TECHNOLOGY.

325
00:15:22.691 --> 00:15:24.090
PLUG-IN HYBRID.

326
00:15:24.092 --> 00:15:26.158
OH, WOW. ECO-FRIENDLY.
GOOD.

327
00:15:26.160 --> 00:15:29.660
SO ANY TIME WE RUN OUTTA JUICE,
WE CAN JUST PULL RIGHT OVER,

328
00:15:29.662 --> 00:15:31.328
AND...PLUG IN.

329
00:15:31.330 --> 00:15:33.330
I DON'T --
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

330
00:15:33.332 --> 00:15:35.565
NEVER SEEN AN OUTLET FOR THAT.

331
00:15:35.567 --> 00:15:36.999
SHOULD IT RETRACT, OR...

332
00:15:37.001 --> 00:15:38.266
YOU WOULD THINK
IT WOULD RETRACT.

333
00:15:38.268 --> 00:15:39.934
IT JUST...
HUH.

334
00:15:39.936 --> 00:15:41.402
IF IT JUST --
NO, IT DOESN'T. IT'S --
YEAH.

335
00:15:41.404 --> 00:15:42.403
CUP HOLDER?

336
00:15:42.405 --> 00:15:43.604
I THINK YOU COIL IT.

337
00:15:43.606 --> 00:15:45.038
I THINK YOU JUST COIL IT
LIKE THAT.

338
00:15:45.040 --> 00:15:46.906
RIGHT?
AND THEN YOU CLOSE IT RIGHT UP.

339
00:15:46.908 --> 00:15:49.041
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE'VE STILL GOT TWO GAS TANKS.

340
00:15:49.043 --> 00:15:51.443
WHY TWO?
CARRY TWICE AS MUCH GAS.

341
00:15:51.445 --> 00:15:53.745
WHY NOT JUST HAVE
ONE BIG TANK?

342
00:15:53.747 --> 00:15:55.213
IT'S TWICE THE GAS,
BUDDY.

343
00:15:55.215 --> 00:15:56.347
ACTUALLY THE SAME VOLUME.

344
00:15:56.349 --> 00:15:58.415
TWO SMALL --
Shh.

345
00:15:58.417 --> 00:16:00.049
It has six ashtrays.

346
00:16:00.051 --> 00:16:01.550
SIX. WOW.

347
00:16:01.552 --> 00:16:04.886
HOPE YOU GUYS
LIKE SMOKIN'! RIGHT?

348
00:16:04.888 --> 00:16:06.053
- YEAH.
- YEAH.

349
00:16:06.055 --> 00:16:07.353
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE MIRRORS?

350
00:16:09.789 --> 00:16:10.889
SAFER.

351
00:16:10.891 --> 00:16:12.790
BUT...
OH!

352
00:16:12.792 --> 00:16:14.091
AND THIS IS AMAZING.

353
00:16:14.093 --> 00:16:16.760
I CAN CONTROL THE ENTIRE CAR
FROM THE FOB.

354
00:16:16.762 --> 00:16:18.394
WHAT DO ALL THE BUTTONS MEAN?

355
00:16:18.396 --> 00:16:19.862
NO CLUE.
BUT WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

356
00:16:19.864 --> 00:16:22.197
HONEY, IS THAT --
IS THAT A SWASTIKA ON THERE?

357
00:16:22.199 --> 00:16:24.933
YEAH.
WE WON'T USE THAT.

358
00:16:24.935 --> 00:16:26.200
THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.

359
00:16:28.736 --> 00:16:30.069
SLAM THE DOOR ON MY ARM.

360
00:16:30.071 --> 00:16:31.703
WHAT?
IT HAS A SENSOR.

361
00:16:31.705 --> 00:16:34.472
IT WON'T LET YOU SLAM THE DOOR
ON YOUR ARM OR LEG.

362
00:16:34.474 --> 00:16:35.873
HONEY, I'M NOT DOING THAT.

363
00:16:35.875 --> 00:16:37.441
THE RENTAL GUY SHOWED ME.
JUST DO IT.

364
00:16:37.443 --> 00:16:39.009
OKAY.
DO IT!

365
00:16:40.244 --> 00:16:41.944
DO IT.
KINDA FUN.

366
00:16:41.946 --> 00:16:43.879
SLAM IT.
ALL RIGHT.

367
00:16:43.881 --> 00:16:44.779
THERE YA GO.
OH!

368
00:16:44.781 --> 00:16:46.080
OH, MY GOD!
OH!

369
00:16:46.082 --> 00:16:47.247
OH, MY GOSH!
OHH.

370
00:16:47.249 --> 00:16:48.581
GOD DAMN IT!
OH, MY GOD!

371
00:16:48.583 --> 00:16:49.782
WHY DID YOU HAVE ME
DO THAT?

372
00:16:50.785 --> 00:16:52.985
OHH.

373
00:16:52.987 --> 00:16:55.787
OH. OH, I DIDN'T HAVE
THE SENSOR ACTIVATED.

374
00:16:55.789 --> 00:16:57.054
OKAY.

375
00:16:57.056 --> 00:16:58.789
I'M AN IDIOT.
DO IT AGAIN.

376
00:16:58.791 --> 00:17:00.223
NO!
ABSOLUTELY NOT.

377
00:17:00.225 --> 00:17:01.757
COME ON. IT'LL BE FINE.
I JUST ACTIVATED IT.

378
00:17:01.759 --> 00:17:02.657
NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO IT!

379
00:17:02.659 --> 00:17:03.791
DON'T BE CHICKEN.

380
00:17:03.793 --> 00:17:04.892
FINE!

381
00:17:04.894 --> 00:17:06.560
AAH! OW!
AAH!

382
00:17:06.562 --> 00:17:08.395
SHIT!

383
00:17:08.397 --> 00:17:09.396
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

384
00:17:09.398 --> 00:17:10.897
-REALLY?

385
00:17:10.899 --> 00:17:12.398
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.

386
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:14.600
OHH. NOBODY SLAM THEIR ARM
IN THE DOOR, OKAY?

387
00:17:14.602 --> 00:17:16.501
CAN I SLAM IT
ON JAMES' BALLS?

388
00:17:16.503 --> 00:17:18.736
SO YOU ADMIT
I HAVE BALLS?
YEAH, THEY HANG
OUTTA YOUR VAGINA.

389
00:17:18.738 --> 00:17:20.604
OKAY,
YOU TWO STOP THAT.
GUYS, COME ON.
THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT.

390
00:17:20.606 --> 00:17:21.805
PLEASE.
GO ON AND GET PACKED.

391
00:17:21.807 --> 00:17:22.806
WE'RE HITTIN' THE ROAD
TODAY.

392
00:17:22.808 --> 00:17:24.073
OKAY.

393
00:17:24.075 --> 00:17:25.441
GUESS WE'RE LEAVING
TODAY.
PHEW!

394
00:17:25.443 --> 00:17:26.675
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO, GUYS.

395
00:17:31.813 --> 00:17:33.480
AH.

396
00:17:40.153 --> 00:17:42.087
HEY, HONEY.
WHAT'S ALL THAT?

397
00:17:42.089 --> 00:17:44.589
WELL,
THIS IS MY DREAM JOURNAL,

398
00:17:44.591 --> 00:17:47.458
WHIMSY LOG,
WISH DIARY,

399
00:17:47.460 --> 00:17:48.659
MY POEMS.

400
00:17:48.661 --> 00:17:51.028
AND THIS BAD BOY
IS GOING TO BE

401
00:17:51.030 --> 00:17:53.830
A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
TRAVEL LOG, SO...

402
00:17:53.832 --> 00:17:55.998
YEAH.

403
00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:58.266
COME ON, HONEY,
EVERY BOY THAT AGE

404
00:17:58.268 --> 00:18:00.034
HAS A STACK OF DIARIES.

405
00:18:00.036 --> 00:18:01.502
OKAY, GANG.

406
00:18:02.505 --> 00:18:05.172
SEAT BELTS ON!

407
00:18:05.174 --> 00:18:06.439
TWO FULL TANKS OF GAS!

408
00:18:06.441 --> 00:18:07.973
HONEY, GPS CHECK?

409
00:18:07.975 --> 00:18:09.441
YES. YES.
ROGER THAT.

410
00:18:09.443 --> 00:18:11.276
OKAY.

411
00:18:11.278 --> 00:18:14.512
<i> YOUR DESTINATION</i>
<i> IS 2,560 MILES AHEAD.</i>

412
00:18:14.514 --> 00:18:17.181
WALLEY WORLD,
HERE WE COME.

413
00:18:47.139 --> 00:18:48.905
WELL,
WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS.

414
00:18:48.907 --> 00:18:51.240
WHAT?
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

415
00:18:51.242 --> 00:18:52.941
WE'VE BEEN DRIVING
FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR.

416
00:19:04.652 --> 00:19:06.885
HEY, DAD, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT WALLEY WORLD?

417
00:19:06.887 --> 00:19:09.220
I MEAN, WE HAVE PLENTY
OF THEME PARKS AT HOME.

418
00:19:09.222 --> 00:19:11.422
WELL,
WALLEY WORLD IS HOME

419
00:19:11.424 --> 00:19:14.858
OF THE ONE AND ONLY
VELOCIRAPTOR.

420
00:19:14.860 --> 00:19:16.826
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

421
00:19:16.828 --> 00:19:18.894
IT'S ONLY THE NEWEST,
SCARIEST ROLLER COASTER

422
00:19:18.896 --> 00:19:19.895
IN THE COUNTRY.

423
00:19:21.231 --> 00:19:24.031
450 FEET TALL,
110 MILES AN HOUR,

424
00:19:24.033 --> 00:19:26.533
TRIPLE CORKSCREW LOOP.

425
00:19:26.535 --> 00:19:28.601
YEAH. OH, HEY!
LOOK AT THIS!

426
00:19:28.603 --> 00:19:31.403
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES
A LITTLE OLD CONVOY.

427
00:19:31.405 --> 00:19:32.937
LET'S SAY "HI."

428
00:19:34.272 --> 00:19:36.340
OH, MY GOODNESS.
IT HAS A CB RADIO IN IT?

429
00:19:36.342 --> 00:19:37.841
YEAH.
COMES STANDARD IN ALL PRANCERS.

430
00:19:37.843 --> 00:19:40.143
THIS WAY WE CAN TALK
TO TRUCKERS.
OKAY.

431
00:19:40.145 --> 00:19:42.812
NOW, GUYS, YOU JUST HAVE
TO SPEAK THEIR LINGO.

432
00:19:42.814 --> 00:19:44.947
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA ASK HIM
IF THERE'S ANY POLICE UP AHEAD.

433
00:19:46.116 --> 00:19:47.849
BREAKER 1-9
TO RUBBER DUCKY.

434
00:19:47.851 --> 00:19:50.484
YOU GOT ANY SMOKEY THE BEARS
IN YOUR KITCHEN? OVER.

435
00:19:52.054 --> 00:19:53.553
You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.

436
00:19:53.555 --> 00:19:55.788
HE REPLIED!
I KNOW!

437
00:19:55.790 --> 00:19:57.289
WHAT DID THAT EVEN MEAN?

438
00:19:57.291 --> 00:19:59.291
I HAVE NO IDEA,
BUT WHO CARES?

439
00:19:59.293 --> 00:20:00.492
HE SEEMS NICE.

440
00:20:00.494 --> 00:20:02.460
HE DOES SEEM NICE,
DOESN'T HE?

441
00:20:02.462 --> 00:20:04.395
COPY THAT, GOOD BUDDY.
OVER.

442
00:20:04.397 --> 00:20:05.529
OH, CAN I TRY, DAD?

443
00:20:05.531 --> 00:20:06.796
YEAH, COURSE.

444
00:20:06.798 --> 00:20:08.697
WHEN YOU FINISH TALKING,
SAY "OVER."

445
00:20:08.699 --> 00:20:10.298
OKAY. COOL.
OKAY.

446
00:20:10.300 --> 00:20:12.066
BREAKER 1-9,

447
00:20:12.068 --> 00:20:14.735
MY FRIEND JESSIE SAYS
ALL TRUCK DRIVERS ARE RAPISTS.

448
00:20:14.737 --> 00:20:16.036
ARE YOU A RAPIST?
KEVIN, NO!

449
00:20:16.038 --> 00:20:17.370
NO!
OH. SORRY.

450
00:20:17.372 --> 00:20:18.871
OVER.
NO! NO.

451
00:20:18.873 --> 00:20:20.372
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

452
00:20:20.374 --> 00:20:22.907
WHAT?
IT'S A QUESTION.
YOU'RE RUINING IT.

453
00:20:24.243 --> 00:20:26.743
SORRY ABOUT THAT THERE,
GOOD BUDDY.

454
00:20:26.745 --> 00:20:28.411
YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE BOYS ARE
WHEN THEIR MOUTHS GET GOIN'.

455
00:20:28.413 --> 00:20:32.681
I DON'T--
NOT TO IMPLY THAT YOU ARE...

456
00:20:32.683 --> 00:20:37.185
FOND OF WHEN LITTLE BOYS' MOUTHS
GET GOIN' IN ANY WAY.

457
00:20:37.187 --> 00:20:38.886
I-I'M NOT SUGGESTING

458
00:20:38.888 --> 00:20:41.221
THAT YOU ARE A SEX OFFENDER
OR A PEDOPHILE.

459
00:20:41.223 --> 00:20:42.855
OKAY, NO!
YEAH.

460
00:20:42.857 --> 00:20:44.857
SO THAT'S THE CB RADIO,
GUYS.

461
00:20:44.859 --> 00:20:46.859
NEAT, HUH?

462
00:20:46.861 --> 00:20:47.993
HEY, DAD,
WHAT'S A PEDOPHILE?

463
00:20:47.995 --> 00:20:49.594
MM, WELL, KEVIN,

464
00:20:49.596 --> 00:20:51.996
WHEN A MAN AND A BOY
LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MU--
NO.

465
00:20:51.998 --> 00:20:53.930
NO.

466
00:20:56.166 --> 00:20:58.534
I HAVE TO PISS.
ME, TOO.

467
00:20:58.536 --> 00:21:00.435
OKAY, GO WITH HIM, PLEASE,
AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

468
00:21:00.437 --> 00:21:02.003
OKAY.
THANK YOU.

469
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:06.540
LOOK AT THAT.
THE BOYS ARE BONDING ALREADY.

470
00:21:06.542 --> 00:21:07.774
MM-HMM.

471
00:21:07.776 --> 00:21:09.041
ISN'T THIS THE BEST?

472
00:21:09.043 --> 00:21:11.009
YEAH.

473
00:21:12.379 --> 00:21:14.045
DO YOU REMEMBER,

474
00:21:14.047 --> 00:21:16.213
BACK WHEN YOU WERE JUST GETTING
YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE

475
00:21:16.215 --> 00:21:18.215
AND YOU AND I
WOULD SIT THERE

476
00:21:18.217 --> 00:21:19.849
AND WE'D TALK
ABOUT ALL THOSE, LIKE,

477
00:21:19.851 --> 00:21:22.785
OVERSEAS TRIPS WE WOULD TAKE
AND STUFF?
OH.

478
00:21:22.787 --> 00:21:24.520
YEAH, OF COURSE,
THAT'S WHEN I THOUGHT

479
00:21:24.522 --> 00:21:27.189
I WAS GONNA FLY
FOR ONE OF THE BIG GUYS.

480
00:21:27.191 --> 00:21:28.924
I KNOW IT'S NOT
THE MOST GLAMOROUS AIRLINE,

481
00:21:28.926 --> 00:21:31.726
BUT ECONO AIR,
IT'S BEEN PRETTY GOOD TO US.

482
00:21:31.728 --> 00:21:32.893
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

483
00:21:32.895 --> 00:21:34.361
RIGHT HERE
WITH YOU AND THE BOYS,

484
00:21:34.363 --> 00:21:36.596
THIS IS PARADISE.

485
00:21:39.132 --> 00:21:40.932
THERE WAS A HOLE
IN THE SIDE OF MY STALL.

486
00:21:40.934 --> 00:21:42.433
SOUNDS LIKE YOU FOUND YOURSELF
A GLORY HOLE.
RUSS?

487
00:21:42.435 --> 00:21:43.767
HMM?
NO.

488
00:21:43.769 --> 00:21:45.401
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HIT THE ROAD.
OKAY.

489
00:22:26.937 --> 00:22:29.137
GO TO SLEEP!
GO TO SLEEP!

490
00:22:41.347 --> 00:22:43.414
WHAT --
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

491
00:22:43.416 --> 00:22:45.582
I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW LONG
YOU COULD HOLD YOUR BREATH

492
00:22:45.584 --> 00:22:46.950
BEFORE YOU BLACK OUT.

493
00:22:46.952 --> 00:22:49.319
DON'T DO THAT!
I COULD HAVE DIED.

494
00:22:49.321 --> 00:22:51.020
WHATEVER.

495
00:22:55.590 --> 00:22:57.691
GODDAMN IT.
KEVIN!

496
00:23:11.271 --> 00:23:12.870
HEY, HONEY,
WHY'D WE GET OFF THE HIGHWAY?

497
00:23:12.872 --> 00:23:14.438
WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE FUN

498
00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:16.039
FOR THE KIDS TO SEE
WHERE YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.

499
00:23:16.041 --> 00:23:19.342
OH, GOD. WHY WOULD THAT
BE FUN FOR THEM, HONEY?

500
00:23:19.344 --> 00:23:20.843
WELL,
YOU COULD GIVE US A TOUR.

501
00:23:20.845 --> 00:23:22.477
MAYBE ONE OF THEM
COULD STUDY THERE ONE DAY.

502
00:23:22.479 --> 00:23:24.879
OH, NO.
NO WAY, MAN.

503
00:23:24.881 --> 00:23:26.180
I'VE GOT MY SIGHTS SET

504
00:23:26.182 --> 00:23:27.614
ON SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE IVY LEAGUE.

505
00:23:27.616 --> 00:23:28.815
OH.

506
00:23:28.817 --> 00:23:30.149
LITTLE FUCKER.

507
00:23:30.151 --> 00:23:31.817
WHAT, MA?
I LOVE YOU.

508
00:23:31.819 --> 00:23:33.185
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

509
00:23:33.187 --> 00:23:34.686
LOVE YOU, TOO.
I SAID I LOVE YOU.

510
00:23:34.688 --> 00:23:36.621
LET'S JUST SEE HOW FAR IT IS.

511
00:23:36.623 --> 00:23:39.056
<i> YOU ARE 9.2 MILES</i>
<i> FROM YOUR DESTINATION.</i>

512
00:23:39.058 --> 00:23:40.057
OH.
ALL RIGHT.

513
00:23:40.059 --> 00:23:42.192
CHECK THE BEST ROUTE.

514
00:23:43.528 --> 00:23:45.127
OH!
I CHANGED THE LANGUAGE.

515
00:23:48.632 --> 00:23:49.964
THAT'S NOT IT.

516
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:52.532
WHAT IS THAT?

517
00:23:52.534 --> 00:23:54.700
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
I -- KOREAN?

518
00:23:55.969 --> 00:23:57.201
OH, GOD, IT'S HORRIBLE!
OH.

519
00:23:57.203 --> 00:23:59.002
JUST PLEASE TURN IT OFF,
RUSS.

520
00:23:59.004 --> 00:24:00.670
THE MENU'S ALL IN KOREAN NOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PRESS.

521
00:24:00.672 --> 00:24:02.905
WHY IS IT SO MUCH ANGRIER
THAN THE OTHER VOICES?

522
00:24:02.907 --> 00:24:04.873
WHY DON'T WE JUST--
HONEY, IT DOESN'T...

523
00:24:04.875 --> 00:24:06.674
IT LIKE
WHEN YOU TOUCH IT, OKAY?

524
00:24:06.676 --> 00:24:09.476
JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.
LET IT CALM DOWN.

525
00:24:20.653 --> 00:24:24.421
WOW. THIS PLACE
HAS NOT CHANGED A BIT.

526
00:24:24.423 --> 00:24:26.055
ISN'T THAT SORORITY ROW?

527
00:24:26.057 --> 00:24:27.322
MM-HMM.

528
00:24:27.324 --> 00:24:28.656
LET'S GO CHECK OUT
YOUR HOUSE.

529
00:24:28.658 --> 00:24:30.391
OH, NO, HONEY.

530
00:24:30.393 --> 00:24:32.092
DON'T YOU -- DON'T YOU THINK
WE SHOULD GET BACK ON THE ROAD?

531
00:24:32.094 --> 00:24:34.327
NO, COME ON.
IT'LL BE FUN.

532
00:24:34.329 --> 00:24:36.662
IT'S -- IT'S JUST A BORING,
OLD HOUSE.

533
00:24:53.912 --> 00:24:56.013
GO! GO! GO! GO!

534
00:24:56.015 --> 00:24:57.614
YEAH!
THAT'S WHAT'S UP!

535
00:24:57.616 --> 00:25:00.583
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
THEY ARE STILL DOING THIS.

536
00:25:00.585 --> 00:25:02.451
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG

537
00:25:02.453 --> 00:25:03.618
WHAT IS IT?

538
00:25:03.620 --> 00:25:06.954
UH, IT IS
THE TRI-PI CHUG RUN.

539
00:25:06.956 --> 00:25:09.456
YOU HAVE TO CHUG
A BIG PITCHER OF BEER

540
00:25:09.458 --> 00:25:11.891
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GET THROUGH
THE COURSE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

541
00:25:11.893 --> 00:25:15.027
AND YOU DID THIS?
'CAUSE YOU HARDLY DRINK.

542
00:25:15.029 --> 00:25:16.294
NO. YEAH.

543
00:25:16.296 --> 00:25:17.528
BUT, HONEY, IT'S FOR CHARITY.
SEE?

544
00:25:20.132 --> 00:25:22.899
HI. WOULD YOU LIKE TO DONATE
TO ASSBURGERS?

545
00:25:22.901 --> 00:25:24.901
OH, NO.
WE'RE JUST STOPPING BY.

546
00:25:24.903 --> 00:25:27.203
I WAS A TRI-PI
A LONG TIME AGO, SO...

547
00:25:27.205 --> 00:25:29.905
IN FACT,
THE CHUG RUN WAS MY IDEA.

548
00:25:29.907 --> 00:25:31.273
IT WAS?

549
00:25:31.275 --> 00:25:33.041
YEAH.

550
00:25:33.043 --> 00:25:34.542
WAIT.
ARE YOU DEBBIE FLETCHER?

551
00:25:34.544 --> 00:25:35.609
YEAH.

552
00:25:35.611 --> 00:25:37.310
OH, MY SHIT.

553
00:25:37.312 --> 00:25:39.578
OH, MY SHIT!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU!

554
00:25:39.580 --> 00:25:41.980
GUYS! COME HERE!
BRING OVER THE BOOK!

555
00:25:41.982 --> 00:25:44.148
IT'S DEBBIE FUCKING FLETCHER.

556
00:25:44.150 --> 00:25:46.450
-HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
-OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

557
00:25:46.452 --> 00:25:48.385
YOU'RE LIKE A LEGEND
AT TRI-PI!

558
00:25:48.387 --> 00:25:50.086
YOU'RE DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING!

559
00:25:50.088 --> 00:25:51.220
UH,
DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING?

560
00:25:51.222 --> 00:25:52.321
-GO PLAY.

561
00:25:52.323 --> 00:25:54.456
YEAH, LOOK! SEE?

562
00:25:54.458 --> 00:25:56.424
HUH?  OH, GOD.

563
00:25:56.426 --> 00:25:58.459
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU CLIMBED
THE CLOCK TOWER NAKED?

564
00:25:58.461 --> 00:26:00.127
OF COURSE NOT.

565
00:26:00.129 --> 00:26:01.962
DID YOU REALLY SHOW YOUR TITS
TO ANYONE WHO ASKED?

566
00:26:01.964 --> 00:26:04.264
-HONEY, WE SHOULD GO.
-WHA-- WHA-- HANG-- HANG ON.

567
00:26:04.266 --> 00:26:06.299
I HEARD THAT YOU STUCK A FINGER
IN THE DEAN'S DICK.

568
00:26:06.301 --> 00:26:08.334
DID YOU REALLY BURN DOWN
THE TACO BELL?

569
00:26:08.336 --> 00:26:10.102
I HEARD THAT YOU FUCKED
ANTHONY HOPKINS.

570
00:26:10.104 --> 00:26:12.471
I HEARD THAT,
IF PEOPLE BOP YOU ON YOUR HEAD,

571
00:26:12.473 --> 00:26:14.606
GOLD COINS
COME OUT OF YOUR BUTT.

572
00:26:14.608 --> 00:26:16.507
OKAY, LADIES. UH...
WHAT?!

573
00:26:17.643 --> 00:26:19.309
I THINK I KNOW MY WIFE
PRETTY WELL,

574
00:26:19.311 --> 00:26:21.445
AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE
ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

575
00:26:21.447 --> 00:26:22.913
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

576
00:26:22.915 --> 00:26:24.681
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS
NOT WHETHER I DID THEM

577
00:26:24.683 --> 00:26:25.782
OR I DIDN'T DO THEM.

578
00:26:25.784 --> 00:26:27.450
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS

579
00:26:27.452 --> 00:26:29.518
THAT YOU GUYS ARE IDOLIZING
VERY BAD BEHAVIOR HERE.

580
00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:30.919
UH, EW.

581
00:26:30.921 --> 00:26:32.353
YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE
DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING.

582
00:26:32.355 --> 00:26:33.954
I HAD A FEELING
SHE WAS ALL HYPE.

583
00:26:33.956 --> 00:26:36.389
BET SHE DIDN'T EVEN COME UP
WITH THE CHUG RUN.

584
00:26:36.391 --> 00:26:38.090
HEY! WAIT A MIN--
EXCUSE ME.

585
00:26:38.092 --> 00:26:41.460
I DID COME UP WITH THE CHUG RUN,
ALL RIGHT?

586
00:26:41.462 --> 00:26:42.727
AND I RAN IT.

587
00:26:42.729 --> 00:26:44.128
SURE YOU DID.
NO, I DID.

588
00:26:44.130 --> 00:26:46.063
IN 16 SECONDS, OKAY?
OKAY, HON.

589
00:26:46.065 --> 00:26:47.464
PROVE IT.

590
00:26:47.466 --> 00:26:49.199
SHE CAN'T DO IT NOW.
SHE'S OLD.

591
00:26:49.201 --> 00:26:50.433
EXCUSE ME, GIRL?

592
00:26:50.435 --> 00:26:51.867
I DIDN'T MEAN IT
LIKE THAT.

593
00:26:51.869 --> 00:26:53.235
I JUST MEAN...
YOU'RE OLD.

594
00:26:55.472 --> 00:26:58.873
OH, OH, YEAH!

595
00:26:58.875 --> 00:27:01.575
NEVER HEARD THAT LAUGH BEFORE.
I DON'T LIKE IT.

596
00:27:01.577 --> 00:27:02.742
HOLD MY BAG. UNH-UNH.

597
00:27:02.744 --> 00:27:04.777
WHY? I'M NOT --
YOU'RE NOT --

598
00:27:04.779 --> 00:27:06.245
YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY
GOING ON THIS THING.
YES, I AM.

599
00:27:06.247 --> 00:27:07.980
THIS CHUG RUN RAISED

600
00:27:07.982 --> 00:27:09.982
THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
FOR CHARITY, ALL RIGHT?

601
00:27:09.984 --> 00:27:12.417
NOW, I MIGHT NOT HAVE
GOTTEN GOOD GRADES
WHILE I WAS HERE.

602
00:27:12.419 --> 00:27:14.919
BUT AT LEAST I DID SOMETHING.
YEAH, IT SOUNDS LIKE
YOU DID A LOT.

603
00:27:14.921 --> 00:27:16.120
YOU STUCK YOUR FINGER
IN THE DEAN'S PENIS.

604
00:27:16.122 --> 00:27:17.955
YOU KNOW, HONEY,
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT

605
00:27:17.957 --> 00:27:18.989
WHAT I STUCK MY FINGER IN AND
WHAT I BURNT DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

606
00:27:18.991 --> 00:27:20.657
WHAT IS IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

607
00:27:20.659 --> 00:27:22.291
IS THAT THESE FUCKIN' BITCHES
ARE DISRESPECTING ME,

608
00:27:22.293 --> 00:27:24.326
AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT, OKAY?
"BITCHES"?

609
00:27:25.227 --> 00:27:26.627
BRING IT ON.

610
00:27:28.062 --> 00:27:30.396
NO ONE'S CALLING ME OLD.
FUCK YOU.

611
00:27:30.398 --> 00:27:31.663
ALL RIGHT, BOOBS, PITCHER!
LET'S GO.

612
00:27:31.665 --> 00:27:33.331
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

613
00:27:38.837 --> 00:27:41.737
TRI-PI, MOTHERFUCKERS!

614
00:27:56.316 --> 00:27:58.316
OH, JESUS CHRIST.

615
00:28:07.025 --> 00:28:09.492
THREE! TWO! ONE!

616
00:28:16.199 --> 00:28:17.865
OH, HONEY.

617
00:28:31.209 --> 00:28:32.676
WHAT'S MOM DOING?

618
00:28:32.678 --> 00:28:35.545
SHE'S, UH, TEACHING
THESE BITCHES A-A LESSON.

619
00:28:46.722 --> 00:28:49.889
THIS IS THE BEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.

620
00:28:52.058 --> 00:28:55.526
GO! GO! GO!

621
00:28:59.031 --> 00:29:02.032
WHY IS SHE PUKING SO MUCH?

622
00:29:02.034 --> 00:29:03.833
IT'S FOR ASSBURGERS.

623
00:29:17.045 --> 00:29:20.046
TRI-PI, MOTHERFUCKERS!

624
00:29:32.892 --> 00:29:35.058
MOM, YOU SHOULD TRY
AND STAY HYDRATED.

625
00:29:36.760 --> 00:29:39.627
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

626
00:29:41.763 --> 00:29:43.163
HOW 'BOUT SOME TUNES?

627
00:29:46.267 --> 00:29:48.367
OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

628
00:29:48.369 --> 00:29:50.335
I LOVE THIS SONG!

629
00:29:50.337 --> 00:29:53.204
GUYS, IT'S SEAL!

630
00:29:53.206 --> 00:29:55.906
EVERYBODY SING IT WITH ME.

631
00:30:01.379 --> 00:30:02.378
COME ON, GUYS.

632
00:30:08.185 --> 00:30:09.284
DEB?

633
00:30:14.423 --> 00:30:15.588
GUYS? NO?

634
00:30:20.293 --> 00:30:22.393
IS THIS A MAN
OR A WOMAN SINGING?

635
00:30:24.630 --> 00:30:26.463
AND THE COOLEST MAN EVER!
HE OVERCAME LUPUS!

636
00:30:38.142 --> 00:30:39.741
"BATMAN FOREVER"?

637
00:30:51.653 --> 00:30:53.052
HE'S COME BACK TO KILL US.

638
00:30:55.122 --> 00:30:56.387
GUN IT, RUSS!
GUNNING IT!

639
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:02.126
YOU GOTTA GO FASTER, DAD!
GO FASTER!

640
00:31:02.128 --> 00:31:03.327
THE PRANCER DOESN'T GO
ANY FASTER!

641
00:31:03.329 --> 00:31:04.895
OKAY, WELL,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!

642
00:31:04.897 --> 00:31:06.630
LET ME SEE -- MAYBE IF I PRESS
THIS RABBIT BUTTON,

643
00:31:06.632 --> 00:31:07.564
IT'LL, LIKE, GIVE IT
A BOOST OR SOMETHING.

644
00:31:07.566 --> 00:31:08.598
YES. TRY IT!

645
00:31:12.436 --> 00:31:14.103
WHY WOULD THERE BE A BUTTON
FOR THAT?

646
00:31:14.105 --> 00:31:15.137
AND WHY IS IT A RABBIT?!

647
00:31:15.139 --> 00:31:16.938
OKAY. UM...
ROCKET!

648
00:31:16.940 --> 00:31:18.506
ROCKET.
HERE YOU GO. TRY THAT!
YES.

649
00:31:18.508 --> 00:31:20.341
-WHAT?
-WHAT?

650
00:31:20.343 --> 00:31:21.342
-WHAT'S HAPPENING?
-WHY AM I SWIVELING?
I'M SWIVELING!

651
00:31:21.344 --> 00:31:22.609
I DON'T KNOW!
I DON'T KNOW!

652
00:31:22.611 --> 00:31:24.444
GRAB THE WHEEL!
GRAB THE WHEEL!

653
00:31:24.446 --> 00:31:25.912
-HIT THE BRAKE!
HIT THE GAS! HIT THE GAS!
-OKAY, I'M --

654
00:31:29.615 --> 00:31:31.415
I DON'T WANNA DIE!

655
00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:38.354
OKAY, I GOT THE WHEEL!
I GOT THE WHEEL!
OKAY! OKAY!

656
00:31:38.356 --> 00:31:40.489
OKAY, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

657
00:31:40.491 --> 00:31:42.791
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHAT?

658
00:31:42.793 --> 00:31:44.425
HANDBRAKE TURN.
WHAT?

659
00:31:44.427 --> 00:31:46.160
I PULL THE WHEEL TO THE LEFT,
YANK THE HANDBRAKE,

660
00:31:46.162 --> 00:31:48.428
WE DO A 180, CROSS THE MEDIAN,
DRIVE RIGHT PAST HIM.

661
00:31:48.430 --> 00:31:49.629
YOU KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT, DAD?

662
00:31:49.631 --> 00:31:51.263
IF VIN DIESEL CAN DO IT,
SO CAN I.

663
00:31:51.265 --> 00:31:52.797
WHY ARE YOU AS GOOD
AS VIN DIESEL?

664
00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:54.365
HANG ON!

665
00:32:05.175 --> 00:32:07.508
THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO.

666
00:32:07.510 --> 00:32:10.043
EVERYBODY OKAY?
OH, SHIT!

667
00:32:20.218 --> 00:32:21.317
GO, DAD! DAD! DAD!
GO! GO!

668
00:32:21.319 --> 00:32:23.252
OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD!

669
00:32:34.029 --> 00:32:35.529
WHOA!

670
00:32:42.503 --> 00:32:44.237
OH, SHIT!

671
00:32:44.239 --> 00:32:45.638
GODDAMN IT.

672
00:32:54.346 --> 00:32:57.047
ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
THIS IS YOU.

673
00:32:57.049 --> 00:32:58.048
I CALL BOTH BEDS!

674
00:32:58.050 --> 00:32:59.749
YOU GET ONE BED.

675
00:32:59.751 --> 00:33:02.084
IF YOU GUYS NEED ANYTHING,
MOM AND I ARE RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

676
00:33:02.086 --> 00:33:03.819
OH, I THINK I SAW A HOT TUB,
DAD.

677
00:33:03.821 --> 00:33:05.320
IS IT OKAY
IF I TAKE A SOAK?

678
00:33:05.322 --> 00:33:07.755
YEAH.
YEAH, SURE.

679
00:33:07.757 --> 00:33:10.224
BUT IF ANYONE TRIES
TO SHOVE YOU IN THEIR CAR,

680
00:33:10.226 --> 00:33:12.359
YOU GIVE 'EM A GOOD SCRATCH
LIKE I SHOWED YA.

681
00:33:12.361 --> 00:33:14.027
I WILL.
ALL RIGHT. ATTABOY.

682
00:33:14.029 --> 00:33:16.329
THANKS.

683
00:33:16.331 --> 00:33:19.265
SO...
HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME

684
00:33:19.267 --> 00:33:22.868
ABOUT THE WHOLE
DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING THING?

685
00:33:22.870 --> 00:33:25.103
COME ON,
THAT WAS SO LONG AGO.

686
00:33:25.105 --> 00:33:27.705
YEAH, BUT IT'S PART
OF WHO YOU ARE AND...

687
00:33:27.707 --> 00:33:29.573
I WANNA KNOW
ALL ABOUT YOU.

688
00:33:29.575 --> 00:33:33.043
ALL RIGHT. WELL, THAT'S FAIR.
WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW?

689
00:33:33.045 --> 00:33:36.846
HOW MANY GUYS
DID YOU SLEEP WITH BEFORE ME?
OH, NO-NO-NO-NO-NO.

690
00:33:36.848 --> 00:33:38.815
NO-NO-NO-NO-NO.
AH, COME ON.

691
00:33:38.817 --> 00:33:40.883
COME ON.
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

692
00:33:40.885 --> 00:33:42.517
WELL, NO, I KNOW.
BUT I'M JUST--

693
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:43.551
YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW?

694
00:33:43.553 --> 00:33:44.718
IT JUST...

695
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.286
OH, OKAY.
I'M JUST CURIOUS.

696
00:33:46.288 --> 00:33:47.353
OKAY, OKAY.

697
00:33:47.355 --> 00:33:50.254
UM...LET'S SEE.

698
00:33:51.389 --> 00:33:53.523
HMM.

699
00:33:53.525 --> 00:33:57.293
AND THEN...UM...

700
00:33:57.295 --> 00:33:58.827
KINDA TAKIN' YOU
A LITTLE WHILE.

701
00:33:58.829 --> 00:34:02.363
OKAY, SO, UH, AROUND...
TH--

702
00:34:02.365 --> 00:34:04.331
THREE.
THREE.

703
00:34:04.333 --> 00:34:06.333
THAT'S ACTUALLY REASSURING,

704
00:34:06.335 --> 00:34:07.867
'CAUSE IT'S THE SAME AS ME.

705
00:34:07.869 --> 00:34:10.703
NO.
DIDN'T SAY THREE.

706
00:34:10.705 --> 00:34:13.172
13. 13?

707
00:34:13.174 --> 00:34:14.339
NOPE.

708
00:34:14.341 --> 00:34:15.473
AND IT'S NOT THREE?

709
00:34:15.475 --> 00:34:16.874
IT'S AROUND --
IT'S AROUND 30.

710
00:34:16.876 --> 00:34:18.876
30! HOO!

711
00:34:18.878 --> 00:34:20.244
WOW! HOLY COW.

712
00:34:20.246 --> 00:34:23.180
SEE, NOW I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE JUDGING ME.

713
00:34:23.182 --> 00:34:25.415
I'M JUDGING<i> ME.</i>

714
00:34:25.417 --> 00:34:28.384
YOUR NUMBER
IS SO MUCH HIGHER THAN MINE.

715
00:34:28.386 --> 00:34:30.686
YES, IT IS A BIG NUMBER,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

716
00:34:30.688 --> 00:34:31.820
HONEY, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

717
00:34:31.822 --> 00:34:32.821
YOU'RE -- YOU'RE SO COOL.

718
00:34:32.823 --> 00:34:34.756
I-I-I-I FEEL LIKE A LOSER.

719
00:34:34.758 --> 00:34:36.023
YOU ARE NOT A LOSER.

720
00:34:36.025 --> 00:34:37.391
OKAY?
YEAH?

721
00:34:37.393 --> 00:34:39.860
'CAUSE, UH,
I HAD TO WORK PRETTY HARD

722
00:34:39.862 --> 00:34:41.394
JUST TO GET THOSE THREE.

723
00:34:42.764 --> 00:34:44.163
HAD TO TAKE CARE
OF JENNY'S GRANDFATHER

724
00:34:44.165 --> 00:34:46.265
FOR MONTHS
BEFORE SHE SLEPT WITH ME.

725
00:34:46.267 --> 00:34:47.833
AND HE WAS RACIST.

726
00:34:47.835 --> 00:34:49.067
PLEASE DON'T BASE IT ON ME.

727
00:34:49.069 --> 00:34:50.768
I WAS, LIKE,
CRAZY BACK THEN.

728
00:34:50.770 --> 00:34:54.404
I WAS COMPLETELY IMMATURE
AND ACTING OUT

729
00:34:54.406 --> 00:34:57.340
AND JUST REALLY, LIKE,
FREE WITH MY BODY,

730
00:34:57.342 --> 00:34:59.008
AND THAT'S JUST NOT
WHO I AM ANYMORE.

731
00:34:59.010 --> 00:35:01.210
THAT'S NOT WHO WE ARE.

732
00:35:01.212 --> 00:35:03.912
WELL...WE'RE PRETTY FREE
WITH OUR BODIES.

733
00:35:03.914 --> 00:35:08.549
BUT, Y-YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
I-I FEEL LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN...

734
00:35:08.551 --> 00:35:12.952
LIKE, LESS FREE
WITH OUR BODIES.

735
00:35:12.954 --> 00:35:15.354
BUT WE HAVE SEX EVERY WEEK
WITH OUR BODIES.

736
00:35:15.356 --> 00:35:20.125
WE DO. BUT, I MEAN, IT'S GOTTEN
A LITTLE ROUTINE, BABE.

737
00:35:20.127 --> 00:35:21.593
YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS

738
00:35:21.595 --> 00:35:23.094
ARE LIGHTING
THAT SAME YANKEE CANDLE...

739
00:35:23.096 --> 00:35:24.562
...AND EVERYTHING.

740
00:35:24.564 --> 00:35:25.629
AND I DON'T KNOW,

741
00:35:25.631 --> 00:35:27.063
IT MIGHT BE NICE

742
00:35:27.065 --> 00:35:29.899
TO MIX IT UP A LITTLE BIT
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

743
00:35:29.901 --> 00:35:31.233
OKAY?
NO BIG DEAL.

744
00:35:31.235 --> 00:35:33.268
I-I-I'M GONNA GO TAKE A SHOWER.

745
00:35:33.270 --> 00:35:35.303
OKAY?
I'M GONNA TAKE ONE
WITH YOU.

746
00:35:35.305 --> 00:35:36.904
HMM?

747
00:35:36.906 --> 00:35:39.306
UH...
WE'LL HAVE SEX IN IT.

748
00:35:39.308 --> 00:35:41.074
YEAH.
IN THE SHOWER.

749
00:35:41.076 --> 00:35:44.043
HOW'S THAT FOR GETTIN' FREE
WITH OUR BODIES,

750
00:35:44.045 --> 00:35:45.310
DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING?

751
00:35:45.312 --> 00:35:47.078
I LIKE THAT.
YEAH.

752
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:49.213
OH, RUSS.

753
00:35:51.217 --> 00:35:53.116
JUST BE CAREFUL
NOT TO DROP THE SOAP.

754
00:35:53.118 --> 00:35:54.584
OH, I WON'T.

755
00:35:56.955 --> 00:35:58.487
WHAT?

756
00:35:58.489 --> 00:36:00.422
THIS IS FUN AND DIFFERENT.

757
00:36:00.424 --> 00:36:02.257
I KNOW.
IT IS.

758
00:36:02.259 --> 00:36:04.726
YOU ARE SO CUTE WHEN YOU GET
EXCITED ABOUT STUFF.

759
00:36:04.728 --> 00:36:08.896
MM. MM.
YOU'RE, LIKE, SO CUTE ALWAYS.

760
00:36:08.898 --> 00:36:10.564
AWW. HONEY.

761
00:36:10.566 --> 00:36:12.499
OH.

762
00:36:13.567 --> 00:36:14.934
AAH!
OH, MY-- HOLY SHIT!

763
00:36:14.936 --> 00:36:16.435
ARE THOSE MUSHROOMS?!

764
00:36:16.437 --> 00:36:18.270
IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
BLEW THEIR HEAD OFF IN THERE.

765
00:36:18.272 --> 00:36:19.571
OH, GOD.

766
00:36:19.573 --> 00:36:20.572
GOD.

767
00:36:20.574 --> 00:36:22.106
SO, SHOULD WE, UH...

768
00:36:22.108 --> 00:36:24.041
SHOULD WE GET IN OR...

769
00:36:24.942 --> 00:36:26.943
NO, RIGHT?

770
00:36:26.945 --> 00:36:29.578
YEAH. I'M GONNA SEE IF THERE'S
SOMETHIN' TO CLEAN THAT WITH.

771
00:36:29.580 --> 00:36:30.812
MM.

772
00:36:30.814 --> 00:36:33.080
MAYBE THE HOUSEKEEPING
LEFT A...

773
00:36:33.082 --> 00:36:35.916
OH. WELL,
HERE'S A BRILLO PAD.

774
00:36:35.918 --> 00:36:37.617
I'LL JUST --

775
00:36:37.619 --> 00:36:39.251
RUSS.
YEAH.

776
00:36:39.253 --> 00:36:40.485
THAT'S NOT A BRILLO PAD.

777
00:36:40.487 --> 00:36:41.986
IT'S A BALL OF PUBIC HAIR.

778
00:36:41.988 --> 00:36:44.421
OH! AAH!

779
00:36:44.423 --> 00:36:46.256
OH, MY GOSH.
THERE'S SO MUCH OF IT.

780
00:36:46.258 --> 00:36:49.792
WHO HAS THAT MUCH PUBIC HAIR?!
IT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE.

781
00:36:49.794 --> 00:36:52.161
NO, NOT ONE PERSON.
THAT'S ALL DIFFERENT COLORS.

782
00:36:53.998 --> 00:36:56.498
THAT'S FROM, LIKE,
30 DIFFERENT GUYS.

783
00:36:56.500 --> 00:36:57.866
OH, SHUT UP, RUSS.

784
00:36:57.868 --> 00:37:00.468
NO.
I-I'M SORRY.

785
00:37:26.359 --> 00:37:28.659
YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD.
OH!

786
00:37:28.661 --> 00:37:30.327
GEEZ!

787
00:37:30.329 --> 00:37:32.395
SORRY.

788
00:37:32.397 --> 00:37:34.797
I, UH
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.

789
00:37:36.299 --> 00:37:37.299
HI.

790
00:37:37.301 --> 00:37:38.300
HI.

791
00:37:38.302 --> 00:37:39.367
YOU WERE IN THE JEEP.

792
00:37:39.369 --> 00:37:41.736
AND YOU WERE
IN THAT PLASTIC BAG.

793
00:37:41.738 --> 00:37:44.538
THAT WAS MY STUPID BROTHER.

794
00:37:44.540 --> 00:37:46.673
GOTCHA.
BIG BROTHERS SUCK.

795
00:37:46.675 --> 00:37:50.342
OH, NO.
YEAH, BIG.

796
00:37:50.344 --> 00:37:51.576
I'M ADENA.

797
00:37:51.578 --> 00:37:53.477
JAMES.

798
00:37:53.479 --> 00:37:55.579
-I HAVE A PENIS.
-WHAT?

799
00:37:55.581 --> 00:37:57.314
IT'S ON YOUR GUITAR.

800
00:37:57.316 --> 00:37:58.648
- OH.

801
00:37:58.650 --> 00:37:59.849
SAME BROTHER.

802
00:37:59.851 --> 00:38:01.717
-WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
-YEAH.

803
00:38:02.653 --> 00:38:04.019
YOU WANNA GO IN?

804
00:38:04.021 --> 00:38:06.821
ABSOLUTELY.

805
00:38:06.823 --> 00:38:08.823
WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

806
00:38:08.825 --> 00:38:11.192
LITTLE ROMEO AND JULIET
SITUATION?

807
00:38:12.762 --> 00:38:15.529
MY NAME'S RUSS.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.

808
00:38:15.531 --> 00:38:20.200
I'M JUST A STRANGER,
PASSIN' THROUGH TOWN.

809
00:38:20.202 --> 00:38:21.668
BUT I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING

810
00:38:21.670 --> 00:38:23.069
HOW INCREDIBLY HANDSOME
THIS YOUNG MAN IS.

811
00:38:23.071 --> 00:38:25.838
WHAT'S YOUR STORY?
YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND?

812
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:28.006
-NO.
-WHAT?

813
00:38:28.008 --> 00:38:30.241
NO GIRLFRIEND?

814
00:38:30.243 --> 00:38:32.610
CUTE BOY LIKE THAT?
SOMEBODY'S GONNA SNATCH YOU UP.

815
00:38:32.612 --> 00:38:34.578
-DO YOU WANT ME
TO CALL THE COPS?
-NO.

816
00:38:34.580 --> 00:38:38.414
AND HE PLAYS GUITAR?
DREAM BOY!

817
00:38:38.416 --> 00:38:39.681
-MAKE A MUSCLE.
-I'D...

818
00:38:39.683 --> 00:38:40.948
-DO IT!
-...RATHER NOT.

819
00:38:40.950 --> 00:38:42.849
TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.
MAKE A MUSCLE.

820
00:38:42.851 --> 00:38:44.784
-I REALLY DON'T WANT TO.
-DON'T BE SHY.

821
00:38:44.786 --> 00:38:46.752
-SHOW US
WHAT YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH.
-ALL RIGHT.

822
00:38:46.754 --> 00:38:49.554
UM, I SHOULD GO.

823
00:38:49.556 --> 00:38:51.222
UM...

824
00:38:51.224 --> 00:38:52.890
are you sure
that you'll be okay?

825
00:38:52.892 --> 00:38:54.625
I THINK SO.

826
00:38:54.627 --> 00:38:56.927
OKAY.

827
00:38:59.130 --> 00:39:00.597
BYE.

828
00:39:00.599 --> 00:39:01.898
DANG IT.

829
00:39:01.900 --> 00:39:04.467
DAD, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

830
00:39:04.469 --> 00:39:06.769
SAW YA TALKIN' TO HER.
FIGURED YOU COULD USE A WINGMAN.

831
00:39:06.771 --> 00:39:08.537
I DIDN'T NEED A WINGMAN.

832
00:39:08.539 --> 00:39:09.905
WELL...

833
00:39:09.907 --> 00:39:11.706
LOOKS LIKE YA DID.
SHE LEFT.

834
00:39:11.708 --> 00:39:13.307
THAT'S 'CAUSE
YOU WERE APPROACHING --
YOU KNOW, JAMES,

835
00:39:13.309 --> 00:39:15.876
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,
GRANDPA CLARK SAT ME DOWN,

836
00:39:15.878 --> 00:39:18.245
AND WE HAD A LITTLE CHAT.

837
00:39:19.615 --> 00:39:21.214
SEEING YOU WITH THAT GIRL
MADE ME REALIZE

838
00:39:21.216 --> 00:39:23.649
THAT WE HAVEN'T
HAD THAT CHAT YET.

839
00:39:23.651 --> 00:39:25.484
-WE DON'T NEED THAT CHAT.
-YEAH?

840
00:39:25.486 --> 00:39:27.452
NO.
COME ON.
I KNOW IT'S EMBARRASSING.

841
00:39:27.454 --> 00:39:29.387
BUT IT'D BE A LOT
MORE EMBARRASSING

842
00:39:29.389 --> 00:39:31.288
IF YOU FOUND YOURSELF
TUMMY TO TUMMY

843
00:39:31.290 --> 00:39:32.622
WITH A LADY FRIEND,

844
00:39:32.624 --> 00:39:33.823
AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT GOES WHERE.

845
00:39:33.825 --> 00:39:35.124
-I KNOW WHAT GOES WHERE.
-YOU DO?

846
00:39:35.126 --> 00:39:36.125
-UH-HUH.
-YA SURE?

847
00:39:36.127 --> 00:39:37.659
YEP.

848
00:39:37.661 --> 00:39:39.727
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.

849
00:39:39.729 --> 00:39:41.261
WELL,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

850
00:39:41.263 --> 00:39:42.929
I'M HERE
TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS

851
00:39:42.931 --> 00:39:44.764
YOU MIGHT HAVE
ABOUT THAT STUFF,

852
00:39:44.766 --> 00:39:47.500
NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE
IT SEEMS.

853
00:39:49.436 --> 00:39:51.003
YEAH, OKAY.

854
00:39:51.005 --> 00:39:52.671
-YEAH, RIGHT. HERE IT COMES.
-YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

855
00:39:52.673 --> 00:39:54.806
- OKAY.

856
00:39:54.808 --> 00:39:57.175
UH, THERE WERE
SOME KIDS AT SCHOOL

857
00:39:57.177 --> 00:40:00.244
WHO WERE TALKING
ABOUT RIM JOBS.

858
00:40:00.246 --> 00:40:02.079
-MM.
-SO, WHAT'S THAT?

859
00:40:02.081 --> 00:40:03.947
WHAT'S A RIM JOB?

860
00:40:03.949 --> 00:40:05.949
-RIM JOBS.
-YEAH.

861
00:40:05.951 --> 00:40:08.117
HMM.
IS THAT R-I-M?

862
00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:09.384
MM-HMM.

863
00:40:10.452 --> 00:40:11.785
RIM JOB.
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN.

864
00:40:11.787 --> 00:40:13.119
I DON'T KNOW.

865
00:40:13.121 --> 00:40:14.820
UM, AMERICA.

866
00:40:14.822 --> 00:40:17.656
CAN I HEAR IT
IN A SENTENCE?

867
00:40:17.658 --> 00:40:19.024
"WHAT'S A RIM JOB, DAD?"

868
00:40:19.026 --> 00:40:20.492
OH.

869
00:40:21.460 --> 00:40:23.928
WELL, RIM JOB.

870
00:40:23.930 --> 00:40:25.296
I WOULD GUESS A RIM JOB IS

871
00:40:25.298 --> 00:40:27.598
WHEN YOU KISS SOMEONE
WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED.

872
00:40:27.600 --> 00:40:30.801
RIGHT? SO YOU'RE ONLY USING
THE RIM OF YOUR MOUTH.

873
00:40:30.803 --> 00:40:32.602
-THAT'S IT?
-SURE.

874
00:40:32.604 --> 00:40:35.771
IT -- IT FELT LIKE
IT WAS SOMETHING WAY DIRTIER.

875
00:40:35.773 --> 00:40:38.640
NO, I MEAN,
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

876
00:40:38.642 --> 00:40:39.874
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?

877
00:40:39.876 --> 00:40:41.642
I GUESS NOT.

878
00:40:41.644 --> 00:40:44.811
GOOD TALK, JAMES.

879
00:40:44.813 --> 00:40:47.380
NOW,
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TOO OLD

880
00:40:47.382 --> 00:40:50.983
TO LET YOUR DAD GIVE YOU
A GOOD-NIGHT RIM JOB.

881
00:42:05.150 --> 00:42:07.817
LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT GET
TO AUNT AUDREY'S BEFORE DINNER.

882
00:42:07.819 --> 00:42:09.652
OH, WILL UNCLE STONE
BE THERE?

883
00:42:09.654 --> 00:42:11.286
YEAH,
I SUPPOSE HE WILL.

884
00:42:11.288 --> 00:42:12.654
UNCLE STONE IS COOL.

885
00:42:12.656 --> 00:42:14.522
YOU HAVE TO BE COOL
TO BE A CELEBRITY.

886
00:42:15.791 --> 00:42:17.857
HE'S NOT EXACTLY A CELEBRITY.

887
00:42:17.859 --> 00:42:19.859
I MEAN, HE'S A LOCAL WEATHERMAN.
THAT'S ALL.

888
00:42:19.861 --> 00:42:21.727
A-ACTUALLY, AUDREY SAID

889
00:42:21.729 --> 00:42:23.161
THAT THE NETWORKS
ARE INTERESTED IN HIM.

890
00:42:23.163 --> 00:42:24.362
-YEAH?
-OH, YEAH.

891
00:42:24.364 --> 00:42:25.629
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, GOOD FOR HIM.

892
00:42:25.631 --> 00:42:27.063
MOM,
DO YOU THINK UNCLE STONE

893
00:42:27.065 --> 00:42:28.330
WILL LET ME RIDE
HIS HORSE?

894
00:42:28.332 --> 00:42:30.065
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

895
00:42:30.067 --> 00:42:31.666
-DO YOU THINK
I CAN SHOOT HIS GUNS?
-NO, YOU CANNOT.

896
00:42:31.668 --> 00:42:33.200
TOO BAD.

897
00:42:33.202 --> 00:42:36.035
I WOULD'VE SHOT YOU
RIGHT OFF THAT FUCKIN' HORSE.

898
00:42:38.038 --> 00:42:39.571
YOU KNOW, I NEVER
WOULD'VE IMAGINED MY SISTER

899
00:42:39.573 --> 00:42:41.306
MARRYING SUCH A CONSERVATIVE.

900
00:42:41.308 --> 00:42:42.740
OH, YEAH, BUT JUST BECAUSE

901
00:42:42.742 --> 00:42:45.008
STONE'S POLITICAL BELIEFS
ARE DIFFERENT THAN OURS

902
00:42:45.010 --> 00:42:46.075
DOESN'T MEAN
HE'S NOT GOOD-LOOKING.

903
00:42:46.077 --> 00:42:49.977
I -- UM...
A GOOD PERSON.

904
00:42:51.180 --> 00:42:52.479
YA SAID IT!

905
00:42:52.481 --> 00:42:54.180
-UH, HONEY --
-HEY, LOOK AT THAT!

906
00:42:54.182 --> 00:42:57.383
HOT SPRINGS UP AHEAD.
WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.

907
00:42:57.385 --> 00:42:59.251
OH, HONEY, WE DON'T
WANNA BE LATE TO AUDREY'S.

908
00:42:59.253 --> 00:43:01.886
SO WE'RE A FEW MINUTES
LATE.

909
00:43:01.888 --> 00:43:03.520
WE'RE ON VACATION.
RIGHT?

910
00:43:03.522 --> 00:43:05.321
COME ON.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

911
00:43:06.389 --> 00:43:07.422
OKAY.

912
00:43:14.763 --> 00:43:17.264
-OH, LOOK AT THE LINE.
-THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER.

913
00:43:17.266 --> 00:43:18.665
COME ON, GUYS.

914
00:43:18.667 --> 00:43:20.700
HOW OFTEN DO WE GET TO SOAK
IN HOT WATER?

915
00:43:20.702 --> 00:43:22.568
EVERY TIME
WE TAKE A BATH.

916
00:43:22.570 --> 00:43:25.337
NO. THIS IS DIFFERENT.
'KAY, THIS IS NATURAL.

917
00:43:25.339 --> 00:43:27.772
THIS WATER WAS HEATED
IN MOTHER NATURE'S BOWELS.

918
00:43:27.774 --> 00:43:29.607
OH, GROSS.

919
00:43:29.609 --> 00:43:32.443
THERE'S GOTTA BE
ANOTHER WAY IN.

920
00:43:32.445 --> 00:43:33.911
I'M GONNA ASK
THIS GENTLEMAN.

921
00:43:33.913 --> 00:43:35.612
I BET HE'D KNOW.

922
00:43:35.614 --> 00:43:36.946
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

923
00:43:36.948 --> 00:43:38.414
-HI THERE.
-HEY. HI.

924
00:43:38.416 --> 00:43:40.215
HEY, WE WERE WONDERING.

925
00:43:40.217 --> 00:43:42.784
IS THERE ANOTHER ENTRANCE
TO THE HOT SPRINGS?

926
00:43:42.786 --> 00:43:45.219
LIKE, A SECRET ENTRANCE
THE LOCALS USE?

927
00:43:45.221 --> 00:43:47.287
LINE CAN GET PRETTY LONG
THIS TIME OF YEAR, HUH?

928
00:43:47.289 --> 00:43:49.222
YEAH.
YEAH, IT SURE CAN.

929
00:43:49.224 --> 00:43:50.957
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT Y'ALL DO.

930
00:43:50.959 --> 00:43:53.626
UH, CAN YOU SEE THAT DIRT ROAD?
THAT PATH THERE ON THE LEFT?

931
00:43:53.628 --> 00:43:55.060
YEAH.

932
00:43:55.062 --> 00:43:57.429
IF YOU JUST FOLLOW THAT
ALL THE WAY UP,

933
00:43:57.431 --> 00:43:59.030
THAT'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE HOT SPRINGS.

934
00:43:59.032 --> 00:44:01.232
ALL RIGHT. PERFECT.
THANK YOU.

935
00:44:01.234 --> 00:44:02.633
OH, NO, NO.
YOU BET.

936
00:44:02.635 --> 00:44:04.234
Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME.

937
00:44:04.236 --> 00:44:05.602
OH, WILL DO!

938
00:44:06.771 --> 00:44:08.103
HEY, WHAT'S YOUR
PET RAT'S NAME?

939
00:44:08.105 --> 00:44:09.471
IS MY PET WHAT?

940
00:44:09.473 --> 00:44:10.638
THE...

941
00:44:10.640 --> 00:44:11.905
WHAT THE FUCK?

942
00:44:11.907 --> 00:44:12.872
-OH!
-WHAT THE FUCK?!

943
00:44:12.874 --> 00:44:14.039
WHAT THE FUCK?

944
00:44:14.041 --> 00:44:15.440
I DON'T KNOW HIM.

945
00:44:25.950 --> 00:44:27.317
HONEY,
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?

946
00:44:27.319 --> 00:44:29.786
I MEAN, NOBODY ELSE
IS GOING THIS WAY.

947
00:44:29.788 --> 00:44:34.924
YEAH, WELL, MOST PEOPLE
THINK INSIDE THE BOX.

948
00:44:34.926 --> 00:44:37.226
BUT YOU KNOW WHO THINKS
OUTSIDE THE BOX?

949
00:44:37.228 --> 00:44:39.328
UNCLE STONE?

950
00:44:39.330 --> 00:44:42.164
ME.
YOUR FATHER.

951
00:44:46.635 --> 00:44:50.004
UM, HONEY,
I DON'T SEE ANY HOT SPRINGS.

952
00:44:50.006 --> 00:44:51.505
WELL, THE GUY SAID

953
00:44:51.507 --> 00:44:52.906
IT WAS RIGHT AT THE END
OF THIS ROAD, SO...

954
00:44:52.908 --> 00:44:54.307
WELL,
THE GUY ALSO DID NOT KNOW

955
00:44:54.309 --> 00:44:55.608
HE HAD A RAT
ON HIS SHOULDER,

956
00:44:55.610 --> 00:44:57.409
SO THERE'S THAT.

957
00:44:57.411 --> 00:44:58.510
HOLD ON.

958
00:45:07.252 --> 00:45:09.920
WOW. HONEY.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

959
00:45:09.922 --> 00:45:12.289
-ISN'T IT?
-YEAH.

960
00:45:13.625 --> 00:45:15.124
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

961
00:45:15.126 --> 00:45:17.359
IN YOUR BATHING SUITS.
NOW!

962
00:45:19.162 --> 00:45:23.630
LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND
OUR OWN PRIVATE HOT SPRING.

963
00:45:23.632 --> 00:45:26.032
I SAY WE CALL IT
"GRISWOLD SPRINGS."

964
00:45:27.268 --> 00:45:28.967
OH!
THE WATER'S PERFECT.

965
00:45:28.969 --> 00:45:30.868
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO NICE.

966
00:45:30.870 --> 00:45:32.870
WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE
ROTTEN EGGS?

967
00:45:32.872 --> 00:45:34.137
OH, THAT'S THE SULFUR,
BUDDY.

968
00:45:34.139 --> 00:45:35.538
-YEAH.
-IT'S NATURAL.

969
00:45:35.540 --> 00:45:37.806
YEAH. AND IT'S REALLY GOOD
FOR YOU, TOO.

970
00:45:37.808 --> 00:45:40.842
ACTUALLY, THE MINERALS
THAT ARE IN THIS MUD HERE,

971
00:45:40.844 --> 00:45:42.710
THEY DRAW TOXINS
OUT OF YOUR BODY.

972
00:45:42.712 --> 00:45:44.378
-AH.
-CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

973
00:45:44.380 --> 00:45:45.879
COOL, RIGHT?

974
00:45:49.784 --> 00:45:51.550
OH, WOW.

975
00:45:51.552 --> 00:45:53.351
MM.

976
00:45:53.353 --> 00:45:55.553
THIS IS PERFECT.

977
00:45:55.555 --> 00:45:57.288
IT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE NEEDED.

978
00:45:57.290 --> 00:45:59.690
OH, YEAH.
GOOD CALL, GRISWOLD.

979
00:46:01.526 --> 00:46:04.528
-OH, MAN.
-YEAH.

980
00:46:04.530 --> 00:46:05.896
OH, YEAH.
THAT'S IT.

981
00:46:05.898 --> 00:46:07.163
THAT'S IT.

982
00:46:07.165 --> 00:46:09.565
I CAN FEEL MY BODY
DETOXIFYING.

983
00:46:14.637 --> 00:46:17.639
YOU KNOW...
IT TASTES A LITTLE SHITTY,

984
00:46:17.641 --> 00:46:19.407
BUT I THINK
THAT'S PART OF IT.

985
00:46:19.409 --> 00:46:20.374
-YEAH.
-THAT'S OKAY.

986
00:46:20.376 --> 00:46:22.409
THIS IS WONDERFUL.

987
00:46:26.848 --> 00:46:29.315
THAT IS THE STUFF!

988
00:46:29.317 --> 00:46:30.482
OH.

989
00:46:30.484 --> 00:46:31.916
WHAT IS THAT, HONEY?
ON YOUR EAR.

990
00:46:31.918 --> 00:46:33.751
WHAT'S ON YOUR EAR?

991
00:46:33.753 --> 00:46:35.486
WHAT IS THAT?

992
00:46:35.488 --> 00:46:36.887
OH, IT'S AN EAR!

993
00:46:36.889 --> 00:46:37.888
OH!

994
00:46:39.591 --> 00:46:41.724
LOOK, JAMES.
FOUND A DART.

995
00:46:41.726 --> 00:46:43.192
ARE YOU CRAZY?!

996
00:46:43.194 --> 00:46:45.928
OH, MY GOD! EVERYBODY OUT
OF GRISWOLD SPRINGS!

997
00:46:45.930 --> 00:46:47.329
-GET OUT OF THE POOP!
-THAT WAS NASTY!

998
00:46:47.331 --> 00:46:50.265
ALL OVER ME!

999
00:46:50.267 --> 00:46:52.700
I DON'T LIKE
GRISWOLD SPRINGS.

1000
00:46:52.702 --> 00:46:55.035
IS THAT OUR CAR ALARM?

1001
00:46:56.938 --> 00:46:58.904
WHAT?!

1002
00:46:58.906 --> 00:47:01.039
HOW COME THAT LOCAL GUY
DIDN'T TELL US

1003
00:47:01.041 --> 00:47:03.174
THERE ARE THIEVES
IN THESE WOODS?

1004
00:47:04.276 --> 00:47:05.509
OH, RIGHT.

1005
00:47:06.410 --> 00:47:08.010
HE TOOK MY GUITAR.

1006
00:47:08.012 --> 00:47:10.045
OH, MY GOD.
HE TOOK ALL OUR MONEY, RUSS.

1007
00:47:10.047 --> 00:47:11.946
ALL RIGHT.
NOT A BEST-CASE SCENARIO.

1008
00:47:11.948 --> 00:47:15.082
BUT, HEY.
HE LEFT YOUR BOOK.

1009
00:47:15.084 --> 00:47:18.585
SO, I GUESS
WE GET THE LAST LAUGH.

1010
00:47:18.587 --> 00:47:19.919
OH, REALLY, HONEY?

1011
00:47:19.921 --> 00:47:22.354
WE'RE NAKED
AND COVERED IN HUMAN WASTE.

1012
00:47:22.356 --> 00:47:24.788
OH, COME ON, SWEETHEART.
WE DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S HUMAN.

1013
00:47:32.728 --> 00:47:34.228
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

1014
00:47:34.230 --> 00:47:35.729
I FEEL LIKE
YOUR COUSIN EDDIE'S FAMILY.

1015
00:47:35.731 --> 00:47:37.363
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

1016
00:47:37.365 --> 00:47:39.698
WE'LL JUST TELL STONE AND AUDREY
WHAT HAPPENED.

1017
00:47:39.700 --> 00:47:41.533
KIDS, REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED?

1018
00:47:41.535 --> 00:47:44.035
WE PULLED OVER TO RESCUE A BABY
FROM A BURNING CAR

1019
00:47:44.037 --> 00:47:46.904
AND SOMEBODY STOLE ALL OF OUR
STUFF WHILE WE WERE DISTRACTED.

1020
00:47:46.906 --> 00:47:49.706
AND WHY ARE WE NAKED
AND COVERED IN FECES?

1021
00:47:49.708 --> 00:47:51.741
I DON'T REMEMBER.

1022
00:47:51.743 --> 00:47:54.110
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE DON'T REMEMBER.

1023
00:48:12.326 --> 00:48:13.459
OH, MY GOD.

1024
00:48:13.461 --> 00:48:15.260
HMM?

1025
00:48:15.262 --> 00:48:16.761
OH, COME ON.

1026
00:48:19.999 --> 00:48:21.598
-WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?
-CAN YOU GIMME A HAND WITH THIS?

1027
00:48:21.600 --> 00:48:23.099
-YEAH. YEAH.
-PLEASE?

1028
00:48:23.101 --> 00:48:25.801
JUST -- YEAH.

1029
00:48:25.803 --> 00:48:27.770
OH, GOSH.

1030
00:48:27.772 --> 00:48:29.538
I-I CAN'T.
I CAN'T -- I CAN'T GET IT OFF.

1031
00:48:29.540 --> 00:48:31.339
-USE YOUR SPIT.
-OH, OKAY.

1032
00:48:32.942 --> 00:48:34.441
FOCUS ON THE BALLS.

1033
00:48:34.443 --> 00:48:36.576
IF YOU GUYS WANNA STOP,
THAT'D BE GOOD, TOO.

1034
00:48:38.346 --> 00:48:40.846
STAY ON THE BALLS.
I'VE GOT THE SHAFT.

1035
00:48:40.848 --> 00:48:43.381
HI, Y'ALL!

1036
00:48:43.383 --> 00:48:45.282
HEY!
OH, MY GOODNESS. HI!

1037
00:48:45.284 --> 00:48:46.850
-HI.
-WHAT HAPPENED?

1038
00:48:46.852 --> 00:48:50.720
WELL, THAT'S A --
IT'S A CRAZY STORY, UM --

1039
00:48:50.722 --> 00:48:52.555
DAD GOT SCAMMED
BY A GUY AT A PARK.

1040
00:48:52.557 --> 00:48:55.024
- KEVIN!
-          SAME OLD RUSTY.

1041
00:48:55.026 --> 00:48:56.592
YOU'D BUY WATER
FROM A FAUCET.

1042
00:49:00.096 --> 00:49:02.931
ANYWAY,
YOU GUYS LOOK DISGUSTING.

1043
00:49:02.933 --> 00:49:04.565
SO, UM,
I HAVE SOME CLOTHES

1044
00:49:04.567 --> 00:49:06.033
THAT I WAS GONNA GIVE
TO THE CHURCH

1045
00:49:06.035 --> 00:49:07.567
IF YOU GUYS WANNA BORROW
SOME OF THOSE.

1046
00:49:07.569 --> 00:49:08.968
GREAT.
THANK YOU, AUDREY.

1047
00:49:08.970 --> 00:49:10.069
-COME ON INSIDE.
-THANKS.

1048
00:49:10.071 --> 00:49:11.437
ALL RIGHT.

1049
00:49:11.439 --> 00:49:13.105
BOY, Y'ALL STINK.

1050
00:49:16.808 --> 00:49:19.309
OH, I DON'T LIKE THAT.

1051
00:49:19.311 --> 00:49:22.211
MAN, THIS PLACE MAKES OUR HOUSE
LOOK LIKE SHIT.

1052
00:49:22.213 --> 00:49:24.213
WELL, KEVIN,

1053
00:49:24.215 --> 00:49:26.715
THAT'S ONLY 'CAUSE A DOLLAR
GOES MUCH FURTHER OUT HERE

1054
00:49:26.717 --> 00:49:29.050
THAN IT DOES
IN CHICAGO.

1055
00:49:29.052 --> 00:49:31.085
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU MAKE
A LOT MORE OF 'EM.

1056
00:49:31.087 --> 00:49:32.653
--HA.

1057
00:49:32.655 --> 00:49:34.655
JUST MESSIN' WITH YA.
SHOOT!

1058
00:49:34.657 --> 00:49:37.324
YOU BOYS ARE GROWIN' FASTER
THAN A WEED UNDER A FAUCET.

1059
00:49:37.326 --> 00:49:38.658
YOU STILL WRASSLIN',
SON?

1060
00:49:38.660 --> 00:49:40.292
-UH-HUH.
-OH? WELL, COME ON.

1061
00:49:40.294 --> 00:49:42.159
SHOW ME WHAT YA GOT.

1062
00:49:45.931 --> 00:49:47.964
HEY, KEVIN.
GET OFF YOUR BROTHER, PLEASE.

1063
00:49:47.966 --> 00:49:49.832
THEY'RE JUST HAVIN' THEMSELVES
A WRASSLE.

1064
00:49:49.834 --> 00:49:50.966
IT'S WHAT BROTHERS DO.

1065
00:49:50.968 --> 00:49:53.435
HEY, OOH, LOOK AT YOU GUYS.

1066
00:49:53.437 --> 00:49:55.170
HOT DAMN.
DEBBIE GRISWOLD.

1067
00:49:55.172 --> 00:49:56.738
YOU JUST KEEP
GETTIN' PRETTIER.

1068
00:49:56.740 --> 00:49:59.173
-OH, STOP.
-NO, I MEAN IT.

1069
00:49:59.175 --> 00:50:02.509
YOU COULD MAKE HOT WATER
COME OUT OF THE COLD FAUCET.

1070
00:50:02.511 --> 00:50:06.179
THAT'S -- THAT'S VERY SWEET.

1071
00:50:06.181 --> 00:50:08.814
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER THE NIGHT
YOU FIRST WORE THAT DRESS.

1072
00:50:08.816 --> 00:50:11.483
-YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT?
-YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT.

1073
00:50:11.485 --> 00:50:14.319
-I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT NIGHT.
-NEITHER WILL I, BABY.

1074
00:50:14.321 --> 00:50:15.787
YOU'RE MY FUCKIN' HUSBAND.

1075
00:50:15.789 --> 00:50:18.022
OH, BETCHA I AM.
I'M YOUR CAVEMAN.

1076
00:50:19.425 --> 00:50:21.291
I'LL RIP YOU IN HALF.

1077
00:50:21.293 --> 00:50:22.425
OOH.

1078
00:50:22.427 --> 00:50:24.193
I WANNA HAVE
ALL YOUR BABIES.

1079
00:50:24.195 --> 00:50:25.427
OOH. OOH, BABY.

1080
00:50:28.999 --> 00:50:30.999
I HIT THE FUCKIN' JACKPOT
WITH YOU.

1081
00:50:31.001 --> 00:50:33.034
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.

1082
00:50:34.604 --> 00:50:37.070
WHO WANTS TO SEE
STONE'S MAN CAVE?

1083
00:50:38.272 --> 00:50:40.206
-UH...
-YEAH.

1084
00:50:40.208 --> 00:50:41.840
IS THIS CHARLTON HESTON?

1085
00:50:41.842 --> 00:50:44.008
YEP.
CHUCK WAS A GOOD FRIEND.

1086
00:50:44.010 --> 00:50:46.210
I CAN'T TELL YA
HOW MANY NIGHTS WE SPENT

1087
00:50:46.212 --> 00:50:47.678
DRINKIN' BOURBON TOGETHER

1088
00:50:47.680 --> 00:50:49.479
AND CRYIN' ABOUT THE STATE
OF THIS COUNTRY.

1089
00:50:49.481 --> 00:50:53.149
IT'S TRUE. THEY DID.
THEY LITERALLY CRIED TOGETHER.

1090
00:50:53.151 --> 00:50:55.484
SOMEHOW I DON'T SEE YOU CRYING,
THOUGH, STONE.

1091
00:50:55.486 --> 00:50:57.285
YEAH, THAT'S, UH,

1092
00:50:57.287 --> 00:50:59.120
THAT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING.
RIGHT?

1093
00:50:59.122 --> 00:51:01.655
NOT EMBARRASSING TO ME.

1094
00:51:01.657 --> 00:51:04.991
EVEN THE STRONGEST FAUCET
SOMETIMES LETS OUT A FEW DROPS.

1095
00:51:04.993 --> 00:51:07.226
WHAT IS WITH THESE FAUCETS?

1096
00:51:07.228 --> 00:51:08.794
HEY, EVERYONE THOUGHT
THAT F-4 TWISTER

1097
00:51:08.796 --> 00:51:10.495
WAS GONNA BYPASS
HARRIS COUNTY.

1098
00:51:10.497 --> 00:51:11.829
NOT MY STONE.

1099
00:51:11.831 --> 00:51:14.364
I HAD A FEELIN' THAT
THAT LOW-PRESSURE SYSTEM

1100
00:51:14.366 --> 00:51:16.499
WAS GONNA MAKE A BEELINE
FOR MISSION BEND.

1101
00:51:16.501 --> 00:51:18.534
THANKS TO MY REPORT,

1102
00:51:18.536 --> 00:51:21.236
THOSE PEOPLE HAD
AN EXTRA 15 MINUTES TO EVACUATE.

1103
00:51:21.238 --> 00:51:23.371
GOVERNOR PERRY SAID

1104
00:51:23.373 --> 00:51:24.839
HE SAVED 2,000 LIVES.

1105
00:51:24.841 --> 00:51:27.975
THAT'S HOW MANY WE LOST
AT PEARL HARBOR,

1106
00:51:27.977 --> 00:51:31.078
SO BASICALLY,
HE STOPPED PEARL HARBOR.

1107
00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:32.846
THAT'S WHEN
THE NATIONAL NEWS CALLED.

1108
00:51:32.848 --> 00:51:34.147
NOW, BETWEEN US...

1109
00:51:34.149 --> 00:51:35.381
IT'S LOOKIN' GOOD.
AIN'T IT, HONEY?

1110
00:51:35.383 --> 00:51:36.915
- MM-HMM.

1111
00:51:36.917 --> 00:51:39.083
'COURSE NONE OF THAT
WOULD'VE BEEN POSSIBLE

1112
00:51:39.085 --> 00:51:41.685
WITHOUT MY SUGAR MAMA, HERE,

1113
00:51:41.687 --> 00:51:42.986
WORKIN' DAY AND NIGHT

1114
00:51:42.988 --> 00:51:44.153
TO PUT ME
THROUGH METEOROLOGY SCHOOL.

1115
00:51:44.155 --> 00:51:45.888
I LIKED WORKIN', BABY.

1116
00:51:45.890 --> 00:51:47.823
I DIDN'T MIND IT ONE BIT.

1117
00:51:47.825 --> 00:51:49.758
WELL, YOU NEVER HAVE
TO DO IT AGAIN, DARLIN'.

1118
00:51:49.760 --> 00:51:51.493
UM, BUT IT KINDA
GAVE ME PURPOSE.

1119
00:51:51.495 --> 00:51:53.261
NOPE, NEVER AGAIN.
THAT IS A PROMISE.

1120
00:51:55.265 --> 00:51:57.698
WOW. UNCLE STONE, I MAY NOT
AGREE WITH YOUR POLITICS

1121
00:51:57.700 --> 00:51:59.499
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I DON'T ADMIRE YOU.

1122
00:51:59.501 --> 00:52:00.867
WELL, THANK YOU, JAMES.

1123
00:52:00.869 --> 00:52:03.236
BUT THE MAN
YOU SHOULD ADMIRE THE MOST

1124
00:52:03.238 --> 00:52:04.503
IS SITTIN'
RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

1125
00:52:05.505 --> 00:52:07.405
BUT THERE'S NOBODY THERE.

1126
00:52:07.407 --> 00:52:09.774
OH, I DON'T MEAN THAT CHAIR.
I MEAN YOUR PA RIGHT HERE.

1127
00:52:09.776 --> 00:52:11.208
OKAY.

1128
00:52:11.210 --> 00:52:12.375
HE DOESN'T SAVE
ANYBODY'S LIFE.

1129
00:52:12.377 --> 00:52:13.376
OH, DOESN'T HE?

1130
00:52:14.879 --> 00:52:16.178
WELL, EVERY TIME HE FLIES
THAT LITTLE PLANE OF HIS,

1131
00:52:16.180 --> 00:52:18.113
HE'S SAVIN' LIVES
BY NOT CRASHIN'.

1132
00:52:18.115 --> 00:52:21.249
AND IN MY BOOK...
THAT MAKES HIM A HERO.

1133
00:52:21.251 --> 00:52:22.917
THANK YOU.

1134
00:52:22.919 --> 00:52:24.385
YOU KNOW,
A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY--

1135
00:52:24.387 --> 00:52:26.687
NOT TO MENTION,
HE ALSO SNAGGED HIMSELF

1136
00:52:26.689 --> 00:52:28.922
ONE SWEET SLICE OF FOXY PIE
IN YOUR MAMA THERE.

1137
00:52:28.924 --> 00:52:31.190
--YOU GOTTA STOP THAT TODAY.

1138
00:52:31.192 --> 00:52:32.958
STOP IT.

1139
00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:36.227
YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS
WANTED TO KNOW WAS...

1140
00:52:36.229 --> 00:52:39.463
WHEN DID YOU FIRST KNOW
THE WEATHER?

1141
00:52:39.465 --> 00:52:40.730
WELL...

1142
00:52:40.732 --> 00:52:42.865
-YOU ALL RIGHT, DEB?
-WHAT? WHAT?

1143
00:52:42.867 --> 00:52:43.966
HEY!
THERE'S A COW!

1144
00:52:45.202 --> 00:52:47.302
OH, NOT A COW.
THAT'S A STEER.

1145
00:52:47.304 --> 00:52:51.272
THAT THERE IS $6000 WORTH
OF JUICY, PUREBRED ANGUS BEEF.

1146
00:52:52.642 --> 00:52:54.475
IT'S STONE'S NEW PASSION,
RAISING CATTLE.

1147
00:52:54.477 --> 00:52:56.076
HE'S EVEN NAMED THEM.

1148
00:52:56.078 --> 00:52:57.444
UH-HUH.

1149
00:52:57.446 --> 00:52:59.646
OLD SEBASTIAN HERE
LOVES HIM SOME RIBS.

1150
00:52:59.648 --> 00:53:01.447
HERE YA GO, BOY.

1151
00:53:01.449 --> 00:53:03.382
HERE.
OH, THAT'S IT.

1152
00:53:05.552 --> 00:53:06.918
DAD, ISN'T THAT...

1153
00:53:06.920 --> 00:53:08.753
CANNIBALISM?
YEAH.

1154
00:53:08.755 --> 00:53:10.454
SAY, IF YOU BOYS
WANNA GET UP EARLY TOMORROW,

1155
00:53:10.456 --> 00:53:12.756
YOU CAN WATCH ME HERD
THESE SUCKERS INTO THE CORRAL.

1156
00:53:12.758 --> 00:53:14.758
-OH.
-WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

1157
00:53:14.760 --> 00:53:16.326
YOU HERD THEM YOURSELF?

1158
00:53:16.328 --> 00:53:18.127
I'M A MAN, AREN'T I?

1159
00:53:18.129 --> 00:53:19.228
YES.

1160
00:53:20.463 --> 00:53:22.130
UH, HEY, STONE,

1161
00:53:22.132 --> 00:53:24.298
NOT SURE IF YOU NEED A HAND
OUT THERE, BUT I'D LOVE TO HELP.

1162
00:53:24.300 --> 00:53:25.932
YEAH, SURE THING, RUSS,
IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT.

1163
00:53:25.934 --> 00:53:27.733
I CAN ALWAYS USE
AN EXTRA SET OF HANDS.

1164
00:53:27.735 --> 00:53:31.403
WELL, I WAS BORN
WITH AN EXTRA SET OF HANDS.

1165
00:53:31.405 --> 00:53:34.139
THAT'S AN ODD THING TO SAY.

1166
00:53:34.141 --> 00:53:35.406
BUT YOU KNOW, I-I-I RECKON

1167
00:53:35.408 --> 00:53:37.341
THIS'LL BE THE HIGHLIGHT
OF YOUR TRIP.

1168
00:53:37.343 --> 00:53:38.975
WELL, THE REAL HIGHLIGHT,
OF COURSE,

1169
00:53:38.977 --> 00:53:41.110
WILL BE WHEN WE GET
TO WALLEY WORLD

1170
00:53:41.112 --> 00:53:45.013
AND I TAKE MY FAMILY ON
THE VELOCIRAPTOR.

1171
00:53:45.015 --> 00:53:46.748
I THINK IT IS SO WEIRD.

1172
00:53:46.750 --> 00:53:49.016
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO GO
BACK TO WALLEY WORLD

1173
00:53:49.018 --> 00:53:50.450
AFTER DAD FLIPPED OUT THERE.

1174
00:53:50.452 --> 00:53:53.252
AUDREY, DAD FLIPPED OUT
BECAUSE HE LOVED US

1175
00:53:53.254 --> 00:53:54.753
AND WANTED US TO BE CLOSE.

1176
00:53:54.755 --> 00:53:56.287
AND WE WERE.

1177
00:53:56.289 --> 00:53:58.422
AND THAT'S ALL I WANT
FOR MY FAMILY.

1178
00:53:58.424 --> 00:54:01.091
YOU'RE SUCH A CLOWN.

1179
00:54:01.093 --> 00:54:02.592
YOU'RE A CLOWN.

1180
00:54:02.594 --> 00:54:04.827
BABE, BABY,
I-I THINK RUSTY'S RIGHT.

1181
00:54:04.829 --> 00:54:09.331
YOU KNOW, FAMILY IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING THERE IS.

1182
00:54:09.333 --> 00:54:11.132
LITTLE SOMETHIN'.

1183
00:54:13.936 --> 00:54:16.303
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE'LL
TAKE BABY COOPER ON
A TRIP THIS SUMMER.

1184
00:54:16.305 --> 00:54:18.638
-YEAH, NOT TO WALLEY WORLD.
-OH, GOD, NO.

1185
00:54:18.640 --> 00:54:20.840
-'CAUSE THAT'D BE STUPID.
-THAT'D BE STUPID.

1186
00:54:20.842 --> 00:54:21.941
HOW 'BOUT PARIS?

1187
00:54:21.943 --> 00:54:23.175
OUI!

1188
00:54:23.177 --> 00:54:24.943
OUI, OUI, OUI!

1189
00:54:24.945 --> 00:54:27.812
AND THEN, WHEN WE GET BACK,
I CAN MAYBE GET A PART-TIME JOB?

1190
00:54:27.814 --> 00:54:29.980
WELL, NOT WHILE THERE'S
BREATH IN MY BODY, SWEETHEART.

1191
00:54:35.685 --> 00:54:36.984
YOU KNOW, HONEY, I AM --

1192
00:54:36.986 --> 00:54:38.318
I'M REALLY HAPPY
FOR YOUR SISTER.

1193
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:39.619
-YEAH?
-SERIOUSLY.

1194
00:54:39.621 --> 00:54:41.220
SHE AND STONE SEEM
REALLY IN LOVE.

1195
00:54:41.222 --> 00:54:42.521
IT'S NICE.

1196
00:54:42.523 --> 00:54:44.022
THESE PANTS
STONE GAVE ME

1197
00:54:44.024 --> 00:54:46.024
ARE REALLY STRETCHED OUT
IN THE CROTCH, THOUGH.

1198
00:54:46.026 --> 00:54:47.959
THAT'S WEIRD. WHY WOULD THEY
BE STRETCHED OUT IN THE --

1199
00:54:47.961 --> 00:54:49.827
-GOD, I DON'T KNOW.
-OH, SHIT.

1200
00:54:49.829 --> 00:54:51.595
HOW MUCH YOU THINK THEY PAID
FOR THIS HOUSE?

1201
00:54:52.863 --> 00:54:53.963
WHOA.

1202
00:54:54.965 --> 00:54:56.131
OH, OKAY.

1203
00:54:56.133 --> 00:54:57.665
WHOA.
OH!

1204
00:54:57.667 --> 00:54:59.333
SHOULD I SEE IF AUDREY HAS
A YANKEE CANDLE?

1205
00:54:59.335 --> 00:55:01.234
FUCK THE YANKEE CANDLE.
I WANNA DO THIS NOW.

1206
00:55:03.204 --> 00:55:05.137
-OH, GOD, YOU'RE SO SEXY.
-OH, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?

1207
00:55:05.139 --> 00:55:06.538
OH, MY GOD.

1208
00:55:06.540 --> 00:55:09.007
WHAT? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

1209
00:55:09.009 --> 00:55:11.476
THIS IS BECAUSE OF HIM,
ISN'T IT?

1210
00:55:11.478 --> 00:55:12.977
WHAT? WHO?

1211
00:55:12.979 --> 00:55:15.512
BECAUSE OF WHO?

1212
00:55:15.514 --> 00:55:16.679
BECAUSE OF STONE.

1213
00:55:16.681 --> 00:55:17.880
WHAT?!

1214
00:55:17.882 --> 00:55:19.248
THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE JUMPING MY BONES!

1215
00:55:19.250 --> 00:55:20.315
YOU'RE JUST THINKING OF HIM!

1216
00:55:20.317 --> 00:55:22.451
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

1217
00:55:22.453 --> 00:55:23.952
THEN HOW COME THE ONE NIGHT
WE'RE HANGIN' AROUND WITH HIM,

1218
00:55:23.954 --> 00:55:25.920
YOU TURN INTO SOME KIND
OF SEXUAL CHARACTER?

1219
00:55:25.922 --> 00:55:27.755
I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS,

1220
00:55:27.757 --> 00:55:29.656
BUT I CAN TELL YOU
RIGHT --
WHERE'S YOUR WEDDING RING?

1221
00:55:29.658 --> 00:55:31.357
OH.
OH, MY GOD.

1222
00:55:31.359 --> 00:55:33.625
BEFORE WE GOT HERE,
YOU TOOK OFF YOUR WEDDING RING?

1223
00:55:33.627 --> 00:55:35.660
NO, I DIDN'T.
RUSTY, IT WAS LOOSE.

1224
00:55:35.662 --> 00:55:37.461
YOU REMEMBER HOW LOOSE IT WAS?

1225
00:55:37.463 --> 00:55:39.596
AND -- AND I-I M-MUST'VE
JUST DROPPED IT SOMEWHERE.

1226
00:55:39.598 --> 00:55:41.297
WHAT WAS THE PLAN, DEB?

1227
00:55:41.299 --> 00:55:42.765
SHOW UP WITHOUT A RING,
AND HE'LL THINK YOU'RE SINGLE?

1228
00:55:42.767 --> 00:55:44.166
HOW'S HE GONNA THINK
THAT I'M SINGLE

1229
00:55:44.168 --> 00:55:45.500
IF I'M HERE WITH MY HUSBAND
AND MY TWO CHILDREN?

1230
00:55:45.502 --> 00:55:46.801
I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS YOUR PLAN.

1231
00:55:46.803 --> 00:55:49.169
IT WAS NOT MY PL--
OKAY.

1232
00:55:50.871 --> 00:55:52.004
YES.

1233
00:55:52.006 --> 00:55:56.274
STONE IS AN IMPRESSIVE MAN,
OKAY?

1234
00:55:56.276 --> 00:55:58.142
BUT I MARRIED YOU, RUSTY.

1235
00:55:58.144 --> 00:56:00.477
AND I AM SO SORRY
THAT I LOST MY RING,

1236
00:56:00.479 --> 00:56:04.581
BUT I WOULD NEVER, EVER,
EVER TAKE IT OFF ON PURPOSE.

1237
00:56:07.284 --> 00:56:08.450
I KNOW.
I KNOW.

1238
00:56:08.452 --> 00:56:11.352
I JUST...

1239
00:56:11.354 --> 00:56:13.153
I FREAKED OUT.
I'M SORRY.

1240
00:56:13.155 --> 00:56:15.522
I JUST...

1241
00:56:15.524 --> 00:56:16.990
WE'LL GET YOU ANOTHER RING.

1242
00:56:16.992 --> 00:56:18.925
I LIKED THAT ONE.

1243
00:56:21.128 --> 00:56:23.027
HEY.
Y'ALL DECENT?

1244
00:56:23.029 --> 00:56:24.061
-YES. HI.
-HEY.

1245
00:56:24.063 --> 00:56:25.629
OKAY.
JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE

1246
00:56:25.631 --> 00:56:29.065
Y'ALL HAD EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED
FOR THE NIGHT.

1247
00:56:29.067 --> 00:56:31.133
YEP.

1248
00:56:31.135 --> 00:56:33.168
ALL RIGHT.

1249
00:56:33.170 --> 00:56:36.638
MAN, IT SURE IS BEAUTIFUL HERE
THIS TIME OF YEAR, AIN'T IT?

1250
00:56:36.640 --> 00:56:38.506
AND QUIET.

1251
00:56:38.508 --> 00:56:40.407
LISTEN.

1252
00:56:40.409 --> 00:56:42.642
YOU HEAR THAT?

1253
00:56:44.078 --> 00:56:45.510
-NO.
-EXACTLY.

1254
00:56:45.512 --> 00:56:47.178
-IT'S PERFECT SILENCE.
-MM.

1255
00:56:47.180 --> 00:56:49.513
AH. YEAH.

1256
00:56:49.515 --> 00:56:50.814
YEAH.

1257
00:56:50.816 --> 00:56:55.084
WELL, UH, TV REMOTE.
OKAY, LET ME SHOW YA.

1258
00:56:55.086 --> 00:56:58.987
WE'VE GOT CHANNELS...
AND THE VOLUME.

1259
00:56:58.989 --> 00:57:00.188
ON. OFF.

1260
00:57:00.190 --> 00:57:02.723
-PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD.
-YEAH.

1261
00:57:02.725 --> 00:57:04.491
-YEAH.
-MM-HMM.

1262
00:57:04.493 --> 00:57:06.259
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

1263
00:57:06.261 --> 00:57:07.760
WELL, UH, IF YOU GET THIRSTY,

1264
00:57:07.762 --> 00:57:10.195
THERE'S, UH,
FRESH MILK IN THE FRIDGE

1265
00:57:10.197 --> 00:57:13.431
AND, UH, HAVE YOURSELVES
A GOOD NIGHT.

1266
00:57:13.433 --> 00:57:15.666
- UH-HUH.
-         OKAY.

1267
00:57:15.668 --> 00:57:18.035
-NIGHT, STONE.
-GOOD NIGHT, ST-STONE.

1268
00:57:18.037 --> 00:57:21.104
MAN.

1269
00:57:21.106 --> 00:57:23.072
YEAH.

1270
00:57:24.574 --> 00:57:27.508
Okay.

1271
00:57:29.110 --> 00:57:31.044
HE TOTALLY JUST CAME IN HERE

1272
00:57:31.046 --> 00:57:33.012
TO SHOW OFF HIS SIX-PACK.

1273
00:57:36.684 --> 00:57:38.417
HEY, MORNIN'!

1274
00:57:38.419 --> 00:57:40.685
BARELY.

1275
00:57:40.687 --> 00:57:42.586
HOW COME YOU GOTTA DO THIS
AT 6 A.M.?

1276
00:57:42.588 --> 00:57:44.788
WELL, I GOTTA BE
AT THE STATION BY 7:30

1277
00:57:44.790 --> 00:57:48.091
FOR STONE CRANDALL'S
ACCUWEATHER REPORT.

1278
00:57:48.093 --> 00:57:50.726
HEY, YOU EVER RIDE
ONE OF THESE THINGS?

1279
00:57:50.728 --> 00:57:52.627
MM, NO.
NEVER HAVE.

1280
00:57:52.629 --> 00:57:54.929
BUT, UH, CAN'T IMAGINE

1281
00:57:54.931 --> 00:57:57.531
IT'S MORE COMPLICATED
THAN AN AIRBUS A318.

1282
00:57:57.533 --> 00:58:00.433
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

1283
00:58:00.435 --> 00:58:01.967
NOW, THE KEY HERE

1284
00:58:01.969 --> 00:58:03.768
IS TO MOVE BACK AND FORTH
ALONG THE EDGE OF THE HERD.

1285
00:58:03.770 --> 00:58:06.303
YOU KEEP YOUR DISTANCE, THOUGH.
WE DON'T WANT TO SPOOK 'EM.

1286
00:58:06.305 --> 00:58:08.471
GOT IT.

1287
00:58:11.075 --> 00:58:12.407
ARE THERE HELMETS?

1288
00:58:12.409 --> 00:58:15.109
YEAH, I KEEP THEM
WITH THE TAMPONS.

1289
00:58:15.111 --> 00:58:17.911
JUST BASIC SAFETY.

1290
00:58:17.913 --> 00:58:20.146
AAH! WHOA!

1291
00:58:24.418 --> 00:58:26.050
THIS IS EXCITING!

1292
00:58:26.052 --> 00:58:29.319
IT'S MY FAVORITE WAY
TO START THE DAY!

1293
00:58:29.321 --> 00:58:31.054
THIS, AND MAKIN' LOVE
TO YOUR SISTER.

1294
00:58:31.056 --> 00:58:32.989
THANK YOU FOR THAT.

1295
00:58:36.494 --> 00:58:39.761
COME ON, LET'S GO!

1296
00:58:39.763 --> 00:58:42.130
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
WE GOT US A COUPLE OF MAVERICKS.

1297
00:58:42.132 --> 00:58:45.266
YOU TAKE THE ONE ON THE LEFT.
I'LL TAKE THE ONE ON THE RIGHT.

1298
00:58:45.268 --> 00:58:47.134
UNLESS YOU NEED MY HELP
WITH YOURS.

1299
00:58:47.136 --> 00:58:48.768
NO, I THINK I GOT IT.

1300
00:58:48.770 --> 00:58:50.936
LAST ONE TO THE CORRAL'S
A ROTTEN COWPOKE!

1301
00:58:50.938 --> 00:58:52.837
YEE-HOO-HOO!

1302
00:58:52.839 --> 00:58:55.372
WHOO-HOO!
WHOO-HOO!

1303
00:58:56.941 --> 00:58:58.441
GO ON OVER THERE!

1304
00:58:58.443 --> 00:59:00.776
GO! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!
LET'S GO!

1305
00:59:02.279 --> 00:59:03.811
WHOA!

1306
00:59:03.813 --> 00:59:05.913
OH!

1307
00:59:10.750 --> 00:59:12.117
HI!

1308
00:59:13.854 --> 00:59:14.819
HOLY SHIT!

1309
00:59:16.489 --> 00:59:17.588
OH, MY GOSH!

1310
00:59:24.528 --> 00:59:26.428
IS THE COW OKAY?

1311
00:59:26.430 --> 00:59:28.530
NO, THE COW'S NOT OKAY, RUSS.
YOU DROVE PLUMB THROUGH HIM.

1312
00:59:29.799 --> 00:59:31.497
OH, NO, SEBASTIAN.

1313
00:59:33.633 --> 00:59:35.266
GROSS.

1314
00:59:49.113 --> 00:59:53.682
HEY, GANG. UH, MAYBE FOR LUNCH,
WE COULD FIND A BURGER PLACE.

1315
00:59:53.684 --> 00:59:56.217
YOU KNOW, LIKE A, UH...

1316
00:59:56.219 --> 00:59:58.852
LIKE A DRIVE-THROUGH
BURGER PLACE.

1317
01:00:00.522 --> 01:00:02.154
I DON'T KNOW, DAD.

1318
01:00:02.156 --> 01:00:05.557
I THINK WE SHOULD, UH,
<i> STEER</i> CLEAR OF THAT.

1319
01:00:05.559 --> 01:00:08.459
-GOOD ONE, JAMES.
-ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH, YOU GUYS.

1320
01:00:08.461 --> 01:00:11.962
DAD HIT A COW, OKAY?
LET'S JUST MOO-VE ON.

1321
01:00:13.565 --> 01:00:15.498
-OH, I GOT ONE.
-YEAH? LET'S HEAR IT.

1322
01:00:15.500 --> 01:00:18.067
- JAMES IS A PIECE OF SHIT.
- OH.

1323
01:00:18.069 --> 01:00:20.235
YOU KINDA MISSED
THE POINT, THERE, BUDDY.

1324
01:00:45.023 --> 01:00:48.357
BUT YOU CAN GET BACK HOME,
YOU CAN GET BACK DOWN

1325
01:00:57.331 --> 01:00:59.030
HEY. HEY.

1326
01:00:59.032 --> 01:01:00.398
WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
WHAT'S WRONG?

1327
01:01:00.400 --> 01:01:01.999
-IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

1328
01:01:02.001 --> 01:01:03.233
NO, NO, NO. NO.
NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.
NOTHING'S WRONG.

1329
01:01:03.235 --> 01:01:04.234
OKAY.
WELL, WHAT?

1330
01:01:04.236 --> 01:01:05.868
-I HAVE AN IDEA.
-MM-HMM.

1331
01:01:05.870 --> 01:01:08.737
AND IT'S GONNA SOUND CRAZY,
BUT HEAR ME OUT, OKAY?

1332
01:01:08.739 --> 01:01:11.206
-MM-KAY.
-OKAY.

1333
01:01:11.208 --> 01:01:13.541
WE'RE RIGHT NEAR
THE FOUR CORNERS MONUMENT...

1334
01:01:13.543 --> 01:01:15.042
MM-HMM.

1335
01:01:15.044 --> 01:01:16.710
WHICH IS WHERE FOUR STATES
COME TOGETHER IN ONE SPOT.

1336
01:01:16.712 --> 01:01:19.412
-SO?
-LET'S GO HAVE SEX ON IT.

1337
01:01:19.414 --> 01:01:21.213
WHAT?

1338
01:01:22.416 --> 01:01:23.948
YEAH,
THAT WAY WE CAN MAKE LOVE

1339
01:01:23.950 --> 01:01:26.050
IN FOUR STATES
AT THE SAME TIME.

1340
01:01:26.052 --> 01:01:29.686
WAIT.
YOU'RE SERIOUS?

1341
01:01:29.688 --> 01:01:31.220
WELL, YEAH.

1342
01:01:31.222 --> 01:01:33.088
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID
WE SHOULD MIX IT UP.

1343
01:01:33.090 --> 01:01:35.924
YEAH.
WHAT'S MORE MIXED UP
THAN SEX ON A PUBLIC MONUMENT?

1344
01:01:37.427 --> 01:01:39.494
I'M PRETTY SURE
DEBBIE DO-ANYTHING WOULD DO IT.

1345
01:01:39.496 --> 01:01:41.829
Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything
was a dumbass, so...

1346
01:01:41.831 --> 01:01:47.033
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.
TO BE DUMBASSES TOGETHER.

1347
01:01:47.035 --> 01:01:49.301
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

1348
01:01:49.303 --> 01:01:51.202
WELL,
KEVIN'S KIND OF A DUMBASS.

1349
01:01:51.204 --> 01:01:54.738
NO, NO, HONEY.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THEM?

1350
01:01:54.740 --> 01:01:57.240
THEY'RE FINE.
THEY'RE FAST ASLEEP.

1351
01:01:57.242 --> 01:02:00.309
WE'LL BE BACK
BEFORE THEY KNOW WE'RE GONE.

1352
01:02:00.311 --> 01:02:01.476
OKAY.

1353
01:02:01.478 --> 01:02:03.311
-YEAH?
-ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT.

1354
01:02:19.727 --> 01:02:20.926
MOM?

1355
01:02:21.827 --> 01:02:23.561
DAD?

1356
01:02:28.399 --> 01:02:30.265
-JAMES?
-MOM?

1357
01:02:31.867 --> 01:02:33.267
ADENA?

1358
01:02:33.269 --> 01:02:35.202
ARE YOU, LIKE,
STALKING ME OR SOMETHING?

1359
01:02:35.204 --> 01:02:37.437
NO. WHAT? NO.

1360
01:02:37.439 --> 01:02:40.673
I'M KIDDING.
RELAX.

1361
01:02:43.410 --> 01:02:45.510
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THAT PERV

1362
01:02:45.512 --> 01:02:48.012
WHO WAS HITTING ON YOU
IN ARKANSAS?

1363
01:02:49.114 --> 01:02:51.748
THAT WAS ACTUALLY MY DAD.

1364
01:02:51.750 --> 01:02:54.083
HE WAS TRYING
TO BE MY WINGMAN.

1365
01:02:54.085 --> 01:02:57.252
OH, MY GOD.

1366
01:02:57.254 --> 01:03:00.355
HE'S A REALLY SHITTY
WINGMAN.

1367
01:03:02.726 --> 01:03:05.727
SO, NO GUITAR TONIGHT?

1368
01:03:05.729 --> 01:03:07.929
IT GOT STOLEN.

1369
01:03:07.931 --> 01:03:10.398
THAT SUCKS.

1370
01:03:10.400 --> 01:03:11.866
I REALLY LIKED
HEARING YOU PLAY.

1371
01:03:11.868 --> 01:03:14.802
YOU -- YOU DID?

1372
01:03:14.804 --> 01:03:17.604
YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS
HAD A THING FOR MUSICIANS.

1373
01:03:20.107 --> 01:03:22.408
WELL, GOOD...

1374
01:03:22.410 --> 01:03:26.044
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS
HAD A THING FOR...

1375
01:03:26.046 --> 01:03:28.345
PRETTY GIRLS.

1376
01:03:30.581 --> 01:03:32.048
WELL PLAYED.

1377
01:03:34.052 --> 01:03:36.452
SEE?
YOU DON'T NEED A WINGMAN.

1378
01:03:44.794 --> 01:03:46.261
HERE IT IS.

1379
01:03:46.263 --> 01:03:47.629
OH, MY GOD.

1380
01:03:47.631 --> 01:03:48.830
THIS IS SO ILLEGAL.

1381
01:03:48.832 --> 01:03:50.665
I KNOW.
IT'S SO HOT, RIGHT?

1382
01:03:50.667 --> 01:03:53.067
YEAH.
I AM HARD AS A FAUCET RIGHT NOW.

1383
01:03:54.070 --> 01:03:55.069
OH!

1384
01:03:55.071 --> 01:03:56.470
I-I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.

1385
01:03:56.472 --> 01:03:57.637
NO.
I LIKE IT.

1386
01:03:57.639 --> 01:03:58.638
-YEAH?
-YEAH.

1387
01:03:58.640 --> 01:03:59.839
-YEAH?
-I DO.

1388
01:03:59.841 --> 01:04:00.940
YOU LIKE IT
WHEN I SLAP THAT ASS?

1389
01:04:00.942 --> 01:04:02.741
I DO!
I DO!

1390
01:04:02.743 --> 01:04:04.642
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA BEAT
THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR ASS.

1391
01:04:04.644 --> 01:04:06.443
WHOA! RUSS!

1392
01:04:06.445 --> 01:04:08.645
OKAY, RIGHT HERE?

1393
01:04:13.183 --> 01:04:14.449
WE'RE ABOUT
TO HAVE SEX OUTSIDE!

1394
01:04:14.451 --> 01:04:16.150
- I KNOW. I KNOW.

1395
01:04:16.152 --> 01:04:17.784
DO YOU WANT ME
TO PUT A FINGER IN?

1396
01:04:17.786 --> 01:04:19.018
IN WHAT?

1397
01:04:19.020 --> 01:04:20.152
-NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.
-OKAY, OKAY.

1398
01:04:20.154 --> 01:04:21.520
Y'ALL WANNA KEEP IT DOWN?

1399
01:04:21.522 --> 01:04:23.121
-AAH!
-YEAH! YEAH!

1400
01:04:23.123 --> 01:04:24.789
HEY, WATCH IT, MAN!

1401
01:04:24.791 --> 01:04:27.424
-GET YOUR LEG OFF OF ME!
-YOU'RE SO SLIPPERY AND SWEATY!

1402
01:04:27.426 --> 01:04:29.626
IF Y'ALL ARE HERE TO HAVE SEX
ON THE CORNERS, WE'RE NEXT.

1403
01:04:29.628 --> 01:04:30.627
GET IN LINE.

1404
01:04:30.629 --> 01:04:32.295
-OH, MY GOSH.
-OH, GOD.

1405
01:04:32.297 --> 01:04:34.263
OH, GOD.

1406
01:04:34.265 --> 01:04:35.931
-AAH!
-OH!

1407
01:04:35.933 --> 01:04:38.333
-OH, GOD!
-EW!

1408
01:04:38.335 --> 01:04:40.835
OH, GOD!
THEY'RE IN EVERY STATE!

1409
01:04:40.837 --> 01:04:42.436
SO MANY BOOBIES OUT HERE!

1410
01:04:42.438 --> 01:04:43.703
YOU TWO! FREEZE!

1411
01:04:43.705 --> 01:04:45.538
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!

1412
01:04:45.540 --> 01:04:46.605
HANDS UP!

1413
01:04:46.607 --> 01:04:48.707
RUN! HONEY, RUN!

1414
01:04:48.709 --> 01:04:50.041
DROP THE FLASHLIGHT!

1415
01:04:51.044 --> 01:04:53.010
YOU DO KNOW PUBLIC INDECENCY

1416
01:04:53.012 --> 01:04:55.178
IS A CRIME IN THE STATE OF UTAH?

1417
01:04:55.180 --> 01:04:56.612
YES.
SORRY, OFFICER.

1418
01:04:56.614 --> 01:04:58.180
SEE, WE'RE MARRIED,
AND WE WANTED TO JUST --

1419
01:04:58.182 --> 01:04:59.614
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE.

1420
01:04:59.616 --> 01:05:01.682
IT MAKES ME SICK
HOW YOU DEVIANTS SHOW UP

1421
01:05:01.684 --> 01:05:04.051
AND DESECRATE THIS HOLY PLACE
EVERY NIGHT.

1422
01:05:04.053 --> 01:05:05.886
TURN AROUND!
HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK.

1423
01:05:05.888 --> 01:05:06.887
WHAT?

1424
01:05:06.889 --> 01:05:08.655
NOT SO FAST, TOMMY!

1425
01:05:08.657 --> 01:05:09.956
SHOOT FOR SHERBET!

1426
01:05:09.958 --> 01:05:11.390
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE,
KYLE?

1427
01:05:11.392 --> 01:05:13.458
THESE PEOPLE ARE CLEARLY
IN THE STATE OF COLORADO.

1428
01:05:13.460 --> 01:05:14.959
THAT'S MY JURISDICTION.

1429
01:05:14.961 --> 01:05:16.794
JURIS-DICK IN MY ASS, KYLE.

1430
01:05:16.796 --> 01:05:19.797
LOOK AT HER LEFT FOOT.
SMACK-DAB IN ARIZONA.

1431
01:05:19.799 --> 01:05:22.733
YOU WEED-LEGALIZING,
MILE-HIGH PIECE OF SHIT.

1432
01:05:22.735 --> 01:05:24.401
HEY, THERE'S NO REASON
FOR THAT LANGUAGE.

1433
01:05:24.403 --> 01:05:26.002
OH, I'M SORRY,
OFFICER MORMON.

1434
01:05:26.004 --> 01:05:27.870
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?
I HAVE AN IDEA.

1435
01:05:27.872 --> 01:05:30.138
WHY DON'T YOU PLUG UP YOUR EARS
WITH MITT ROMNEY'S DICK?

1436
01:05:30.140 --> 01:05:31.239
--HEY!

1437
01:05:31.241 --> 01:05:33.541
OH, LOOKS LIKE
NEW MEXICO

1438
01:05:33.543 --> 01:05:35.342
DECIDED TO WAKE UP
FROM HIS SIESTA.

1439
01:05:35.344 --> 01:05:36.743
WHAT SEEMS
TO BE THE TROUBLE?

1440
01:05:36.745 --> 01:05:38.344
TELL YOU WHAT THE TROUBLE IS,
DREAMCATCHER.

1441
01:05:38.346 --> 01:05:40.679
YOU ARE WEARING ENTIRELY
TOO MUCH GODDAMN TURQUOISE.

1442
01:05:40.681 --> 01:05:42.047
HEY, WE CAN DO THIS

1443
01:05:42.049 --> 01:05:43.481
WITHOUT DISRESPECTING
EACH OTHER'S TRADITIONS.

1444
01:05:43.483 --> 01:05:46.016
OH, GO FUCK YOUR WIVES,
TOMMY.

1445
01:05:46.018 --> 01:05:47.517
SEE, THIS IS WHAT
I'M TELLING YOU GUYS.

1446
01:05:47.519 --> 01:05:48.818
EVERY NIGHT WE DO THIS.

1447
01:05:48.820 --> 01:05:50.586
YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS BORDER REPRESENTS?

1448
01:05:50.588 --> 01:05:52.688
IT'S JUST AN IDEA.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

1449
01:05:52.690 --> 01:05:53.922
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
IF IT'S JUST AN IDEA,

1450
01:05:53.924 --> 01:05:54.989
THEN I'LL JUST GET THE PERP --

1451
01:05:54.991 --> 01:05:56.390
-MY HOUSE!
-OH!

1452
01:05:56.392 --> 01:05:57.891
-HEY!
-STAY OUT OF MY STATE, BUDDY.

1453
01:05:57.893 --> 01:05:59.559
OH, YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?

1454
01:05:59.561 --> 01:06:00.693
-GET YOUR FEET OFF OF MY STATE!
-HEY, COME ON, NOW.

1455
01:06:00.695 --> 01:06:02.194
YOU WANNA STOMP ON MY FOOT?

1456
01:06:02.196 --> 01:06:03.695
-YOU BACK -- YOU BACK --
-IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

1457
01:06:03.697 --> 01:06:05.063
-STAY OUT OF THIS.
-HEY, I WASN'T EVEN IN IT!

1458
01:06:05.065 --> 01:06:06.764
WHOA!
DON'T YOU KICK IN HERE!

1459
01:06:06.766 --> 01:06:08.198
-DON'T START...
-YOU WANNA DO THAT AGAIN?

1460
01:06:08.200 --> 01:06:09.265
HOW ABOUT THIS, THEN?
HUH? HUH?

1461
01:06:09.267 --> 01:06:10.733
-OH!
-OH, WE GOT A LIVE WIRE!

1462
01:06:10.735 --> 01:06:12.935
-OH, SHIT! AW, SHIT!
-WE GOT A LIVE WEAPON!

1463
01:06:12.937 --> 01:06:14.336
OOH. OOH.
YOU THINK I'M AFRAID
OF THAT SHIT?

1464
01:06:14.338 --> 01:06:16.037
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!

1465
01:06:16.039 --> 01:06:18.072
-HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH? HUH?
-OH, YEAH, LIKE I'M AFRAID?

1466
01:06:18.074 --> 01:06:19.506
-UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
-UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

1467
01:06:20.909 --> 01:06:22.708
ARE WE GONNA...
I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH.

1468
01:06:22.710 --> 01:06:23.775
LET'S NOT DO THAT, OKAY?

1469
01:06:23.777 --> 01:06:25.777
I'LL TAKE THAT ALL IN, DUDE!

1470
01:06:25.779 --> 01:06:27.545
-THAT'S ENOUGH!
EVERYONE GET DOWN!
-GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!

1471
01:06:27.547 --> 01:06:29.113
EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND!
GET DOWN!

1472
01:06:29.115 --> 01:06:30.547
-GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!
-YOU GET DOWN!

1473
01:06:30.549 --> 01:06:31.681
-GET DOWN!
-I'M COOPERATING!

1474
01:06:31.683 --> 01:06:33.215
I'M THE ONE WHO'S COOPERATING!

1475
01:06:33.217 --> 01:06:34.749
YOU GET DOWN, TOO.
YOU GET DOWN, TOO.

1476
01:06:34.751 --> 01:06:36.183
GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!

1477
01:06:36.185 --> 01:06:37.884
-HANDS WHERE?
-HANDS ON YOUR RIGHT SIDE!

1478
01:06:37.886 --> 01:06:39.385
-BY THE SIDES OR IN FRONT?
-SIDE TO SIDE. SIDE TO SIDE.

1479
01:06:39.387 --> 01:06:41.086
-LET'S DO THIS.
-EVERYONE DOWN?

1480
01:06:41.088 --> 01:06:43.288
OKAY.
I THINK I'M DONE.

1481
01:06:48.260 --> 01:06:51.627
YOU CAN REALLY SEE
ALL THE STARS OUT HERE.

1482
01:06:51.629 --> 01:06:53.128
YEAH.

1483
01:06:55.197 --> 01:06:58.098
SO...
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE DOING?

1484
01:06:58.100 --> 01:07:01.267
I DON'T KNOW.

1485
01:07:05.805 --> 01:07:08.139
CA--

1486
01:07:08.141 --> 01:07:10.307
CAN I GIVE YOU A RIM JOB?

1487
01:07:12.576 --> 01:07:13.809
-WHOA!
-NO.

1488
01:07:13.811 --> 01:07:16.278
-UH, WHAT?!

1489
01:07:16.280 --> 01:07:17.812
-I DON'T KNOW.
-WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

1490
01:07:17.814 --> 01:07:19.380
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M SORRY.

1491
01:07:19.382 --> 01:07:21.315
WHAT DID --
WHAT DID YOU WANNA DO?

1492
01:07:21.317 --> 01:07:22.783
I DON'T KNOW.

1493
01:07:22.785 --> 01:07:26.153
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD
KISS OR SOMETHING?

1494
01:07:26.155 --> 01:07:28.455
WELL, YEAH,
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I...

1495
01:07:28.457 --> 01:07:30.390
YEAH. OKAY.

1496
01:07:34.427 --> 01:07:36.060
OW!

1497
01:07:36.062 --> 01:07:37.728
WHERE'S MOM AND DAD, DORK?

1498
01:07:37.730 --> 01:07:39.830
I DON'T KNOW, KEVIN.
JUST GO BACK INSIDE THE THING.

1499
01:07:39.832 --> 01:07:42.065
YOU WERE ABOUT TO LET
THAT DINGUS KISS YOU?

1500
01:07:42.067 --> 01:07:43.933
SHUT UP, KEVIN.

1501
01:07:43.935 --> 01:07:46.669
-WHO IS THAT?
-MY STUPID LITTLE BROTHER.

1502
01:07:46.671 --> 01:07:49.138
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
HE WAS YOUR BIG BROTHER.

1503
01:07:49.140 --> 01:07:50.172
I -- DAMN IT!

1504
01:07:50.174 --> 01:07:51.473
DINGUS.

1505
01:07:51.475 --> 01:07:53.174
WHY DO YOU TAKE THAT
FROM HIM?

1506
01:07:53.176 --> 01:07:54.775
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,
HIT HIM BACK?

1507
01:07:54.777 --> 01:07:56.810
-HE'S A LITTLE KID.
-HE'S A LITTLE SHIT.

1508
01:07:56.812 --> 01:07:58.311
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET HIM
PUSH YOU AROUND.

1509
01:07:58.313 --> 01:08:01.681
I KINDA THOUGHT I WAS TAKING
THE HIGH ROAD.

1510
01:08:01.683 --> 01:08:04.683
YEAH, THAT SEEMS
TO BE WORKING OUT FOR YOU.

1511
01:08:06.419 --> 01:08:07.285
YOU KNOW WHAT?

1512
01:08:10.522 --> 01:08:12.489
FUCK IT.

1513
01:08:13.524 --> 01:08:16.025
OKAY,
SO YOU WANNA DO THIS NOW?

1514
01:08:16.027 --> 01:08:18.060
BRING IT, BITCH.

1515
01:08:19.195 --> 01:08:20.995
WAIT, WHAT?!

1516
01:08:20.997 --> 01:08:22.263
NO, NO, NO.

1517
01:08:23.266 --> 01:08:24.632
WOW.
THIS IS SO EASY.

1518
01:08:24.634 --> 01:08:26.867
YOU ARE SUCH A LITTLE BOY.

1519
01:08:28.536 --> 01:08:30.103
THERE'S GONNA BE A FEW CHANGES,
KEVIN, ALL RIGHT?

1520
01:08:30.105 --> 01:08:31.204
NO MORE BULLYING.

1521
01:08:31.206 --> 01:08:33.039
STOP IT!
I'M TELLING MOM.

1522
01:08:33.041 --> 01:08:35.041
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
YOU GONNA STOP BULLYING?

1523
01:08:35.043 --> 01:08:36.776
YOU'RE HURTING MY TUMMY!

1524
01:08:36.778 --> 01:08:40.246
SAY YOU'RE GONNA STOP,
YOU LITTLE PIECE OF...ASS.

1525
01:08:40.248 --> 01:08:42.481
WAIT, WHAT?
"PIECE OF ASS"?

1526
01:08:42.483 --> 01:08:43.882
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
OKAY?

1527
01:08:43.884 --> 01:08:46.217
WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO MY FACE?

1528
01:08:46.219 --> 01:08:47.818
-THIS HURTS, DOESN'T IT?
-DUDE!

1529
01:08:47.820 --> 01:08:49.753
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EARS
GETTIN' MESSED UP WITH?

1530
01:08:49.755 --> 01:08:51.321
IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD.

1531
01:08:51.323 --> 01:08:52.922
I'MMA TAP YOU
RIGHT ON THE FOREHEAD.

1532
01:08:52.924 --> 01:08:54.757
THAT'S NOT EVEN
HOW YOU BEAT SOMEONE UP!

1533
01:08:54.759 --> 01:08:56.258
VERY DEHUMANIZING.

1534
01:08:56.260 --> 01:08:58.260
YOUR FOREHEAD'S
GONNA BE SO SORE.

1535
01:08:58.262 --> 01:09:00.428
-BLBLBL! BLBLBL!
-STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

1536
01:09:00.430 --> 01:09:02.229
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIPS
GETTING TICKLED?

1537
01:09:02.231 --> 01:09:03.830
THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.

1538
01:09:03.832 --> 01:09:05.765
JUST SMUSH YOUR CHEEKS.

1539
01:09:05.767 --> 01:09:08.300
-YOU GONNA STOP BULLYING?
-FINE. I'LL STOP BULLYING.

1540
01:09:08.302 --> 01:09:09.768
JUST STOP DOING THIS.

1541
01:09:12.005 --> 01:09:13.304
THANK YOU, ADENA.

1542
01:09:13.306 --> 01:09:14.905
THIS HAS BEEN...

1543
01:09:14.907 --> 01:09:16.506
THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

1544
01:09:22.246 --> 01:09:24.478
WEIRD FUCKING FAMILY.

1545
01:09:26.414 --> 01:09:28.715
WELL, THAT WAS AWFUL.

1546
01:09:31.085 --> 01:09:33.853
AT LEAST THE KIDS NEVER WOKE UP.

1547
01:09:42.695 --> 01:09:44.928
UH, PASSENGERS ON
THE LEFT SIDE OF THE PRANCER

1548
01:09:44.930 --> 01:09:48.131
WILL NOTICE THE GRAND CANYON
OUT THE WINDOW.

1549
01:09:48.133 --> 01:09:51.534
THAT'S RIGHT.
LAST STOP BEFORE WALLEY WORLD.

1550
01:10:02.878 --> 01:10:04.644
SO, GUYS,

1551
01:10:04.646 --> 01:10:07.713
WHEN WE VISITED THE GRAND CANYON
WHEN I WAS A KID,

1552
01:10:07.715 --> 01:10:09.715
WE BARELY HAD A CHANCE
TO LOOK AT IT.

1553
01:10:09.717 --> 01:10:11.983
THIS TIME...

1554
01:10:11.985 --> 01:10:14.485
WE'RE GONNA DO
A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN LOOK.

1555
01:10:14.487 --> 01:10:18.121
- OH, COOL.
- SWEET!

1556
01:10:21.558 --> 01:10:23.191
HI, FOLKS!

1557
01:10:23.193 --> 01:10:24.792
HI!

1558
01:10:24.794 --> 01:10:26.827
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE,
WHO DO WE GOT HERE?

1559
01:10:26.829 --> 01:10:30.229
YOU MUST BE
THE FUNG FAMILY!

1560
01:10:30.231 --> 01:10:31.296
HUH?

1561
01:10:32.531 --> 01:10:33.531
I'M JUST MESSING!

1562
01:10:33.533 --> 01:10:34.732
YOU'RE THE GRISWOLDS, RIGHT?

1563
01:10:34.734 --> 01:10:36.233
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

1564
01:10:36.235 --> 01:10:37.801
RIGHT.

1565
01:10:37.803 --> 01:10:40.236
THE LITTLE GUY'S FACE WAS LIKE,
"FUNGS? HUH?!"

1566
01:10:42.139 --> 01:10:44.539
ANYWAY, I'M CHAD.
I'M GONNA BE YOUR GUIDE.

1567
01:10:44.541 --> 01:10:46.040
-OKAY. HI, CHAD.
-ALL RIGHT.

1568
01:10:46.042 --> 01:10:48.075
WELL YOU COULDN'T HAVE COME
ON A BETTER DAY.

1569
01:10:48.077 --> 01:10:49.543
I'M GONNA GET YOU ALL GEARED UP.

1570
01:10:49.545 --> 01:10:51.578
AND, GUESS WHAT,
THE RIVER'S RUNNING WAY HIGH,

1571
01:10:51.580 --> 01:10:53.846
SO I THINK WE'RE IN FOR
A PRETTY SWEET RIDE, GUYS.

1572
01:10:53.848 --> 01:10:55.681
-LET'S ROLL.
-ALL RIGHT.

1573
01:10:55.683 --> 01:10:57.315
LET'S DO THIS.

1574
01:10:57.317 --> 01:10:59.183
OKAY, GANG,
JOKE TIME IS OVER.

1575
01:10:59.185 --> 01:11:00.417
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GET SERIOUS FOR A SECOND.

1576
01:11:00.419 --> 01:11:01.851
LET'S GO OVER A COUPLE
SAFETY PROCEDURES

1577
01:11:01.853 --> 01:11:03.319
BEFORE WE HIT THE WATER.

1578
01:11:03.321 --> 01:11:05.154
FIRST OFF --
DO ANY OF YOU KNOW THIS RIVER?

1579
01:11:05.156 --> 01:11:06.888
'CAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY
MY FIRST TIME.

1580
01:11:08.757 --> 01:11:09.757
I'M KIDDING.

1581
01:11:11.327 --> 01:11:13.260
BEEN DOING THIS
ABOUT THREE AND A HALF YEARS.

1582
01:11:13.262 --> 01:11:14.928
KNOW THE RIVER INSIDE AND OUT,
OKAY?

1583
01:11:14.930 --> 01:11:17.397
UH, GOT MY GUIDE CERTIFICATE
FROM A CRACKER JACK BOX.

1584
01:11:18.767 --> 01:11:20.533
THAT'S A JOKE.
GUYS, IT'S A JOKE.

1585
01:11:20.535 --> 01:11:22.935
SEE THE LITTLE KID'S FACE?
HE'S ALL, "A CRACKER JACK BOX?

1586
01:11:22.937 --> 01:11:25.737
A WHAT?!"

1587
01:11:25.739 --> 01:11:27.605
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS FOLLOW
MY INSTRUCTIONS OUT THERE.

1588
01:11:27.607 --> 01:11:30.006
AND WE GOT A 50-50 CHANCE
OF COMING BACK ALIVE.

1589
01:11:31.575 --> 01:11:33.208
I'M KIDDING, GUYS.

1590
01:11:33.210 --> 01:11:34.709
SEE THE LITTLE KID'S FACE,
HE'S ALL,

1591
01:11:34.711 --> 01:11:37.445
"I'M COMING BACK ALIVE!
I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

1592
01:11:38.748 --> 01:11:40.547
UH, SORRY, HANG ON A SECOND.

1593
01:11:40.549 --> 01:11:41.948
I-I'M GETTING A CALL
FROM MY FIANCéE HERE.

1594
01:11:41.950 --> 01:11:43.582
ACTUALLY, JUST GOT ENGAGED
TWO WEEKS AGO,

1595
01:11:43.584 --> 01:11:45.250
SO I THINK
I'M GONNA TAKE THIS

1596
01:11:45.252 --> 01:11:47.118
OR THE RIVER'S NOT GONNA BE
THE ONLY HOT WATER I'M IN TODAY.

1597
01:11:47.120 --> 01:11:50.587
RIVER'S ACTUALLY VERY COLD.

1598
01:11:50.589 --> 01:11:51.688
HEY, BOO.

1599
01:11:52.623 --> 01:11:53.623
- WOW.

1600
01:11:53.625 --> 01:11:54.590
THIS IS AWESOME.

1601
01:11:54.592 --> 01:11:56.091
WE'RE ABOUT TO SET SAIL

1602
01:11:56.093 --> 01:11:58.693
THROUGH ONE OF AMERICA'S
GREATEST AQUATIC TREASURES.

1603
01:11:58.695 --> 01:12:00.995
-KEVIN, DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER.
-I DIDN'T.

1604
01:12:02.297 --> 01:12:03.630
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID ABOUT

1605
01:12:03.632 --> 01:12:05.365
THE AQUATIC TREASURES
AND EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

1606
01:12:05.367 --> 01:12:07.700
-YEAH.
-AND YOU DIDN'T WANNA HIT HIM?

1607
01:12:09.769 --> 01:12:11.636
-HMM, WELL, THAT'S PROGRESS.
-WOW.

1608
01:12:11.638 --> 01:12:15.405
I DON'T UNDERSTAND, THOUGH.
LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?

1609
01:12:15.407 --> 01:12:16.906
BUT J-JUST LIKE THAT?!

1610
01:12:16.908 --> 01:12:19.408
I-I LOVE YOU!
YOU LOVE ME!

1611
01:12:19.410 --> 01:12:20.976
TANYA, PLEASE!

1612
01:12:20.978 --> 01:12:22.877
PLEASE, JUST LET'S THINK
ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND, HONEY.

1613
01:12:22.879 --> 01:12:24.078
YOU'RE ALL THAT I HAVE
IN THIS WORLD!

1614
01:12:24.080 --> 01:12:27.381
TANYA, NO, BABE.
NO, TANYA! NO!

1615
01:12:27.383 --> 01:12:30.016
PLEASE DON'T HANG UP!
NO! NO! GODDAMN IT!

1616
01:12:50.300 --> 01:12:52.334
WHO'S READY TO GO
ON THE RIVER?

1617
01:12:52.336 --> 01:12:55.270
UM, ARE YOU OKAY, CHAD?

1618
01:12:55.272 --> 01:12:57.005
OH, YEAH!

1619
01:12:57.007 --> 01:12:59.307
TURNS OUT,
I'M NOT ENGAGED ANYMORE.

1620
01:12:59.309 --> 01:13:00.675
SO...

1621
01:13:02.411 --> 01:13:04.145
ALL ABOARD.

1622
01:13:05.413 --> 01:13:06.913
I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS, RUSS.

1623
01:13:06.915 --> 01:13:10.516
OH, COME ON.
HE'S KIDDING.

1624
01:14:51.267 --> 01:14:52.599
WHAT?

1625
01:14:52.601 --> 01:14:54.701
WE'RE A DAY AWAY
FROM WALLEY WORLD.

1626
01:14:54.703 --> 01:14:57.603
DAD, I DON'T THINK ANY OF US
REALLY CARE ABOUT WALLEY WORLD.

1627
01:14:57.605 --> 01:14:58.904
THE BOYS ARE RIGHT, RUSS.

1628
01:14:58.906 --> 01:15:00.772
I MEAN,
WE ALMOST DIED BACK THERE.

1629
01:15:00.774 --> 01:15:03.207
I MEAN, ISN'T IT TIME
THAT WE JUST CUT OUR LOSSES?

1630
01:15:03.209 --> 01:15:06.443
I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.

1631
01:15:06.445 --> 01:15:08.344
I -- OH. OH, MY GOD!

1632
01:15:09.447 --> 01:15:10.712
HUH? ALL RIGHT.

1633
01:15:10.714 --> 01:15:12.046
THAT HAS TO BE A SIGN,
RIGHT?

1634
01:15:12.048 --> 01:15:13.747
WE WERE MEANT
TO FINISH THIS TRIP.

1635
01:15:13.749 --> 01:15:16.216
COME ON, GUYS,
EVERYBODY SING IT WITH ME.

1636
01:15:24.191 --> 01:15:25.523
-WE'RE LOSING THE STATION, RUSS.
-WE'RE NOT LOSING ANYTHING.

1637
01:15:25.525 --> 01:15:26.891
YES, WE ARE, JUST--

1638
01:15:26.893 --> 01:15:28.726
WE JUST HAVE TO LISTEN
A LITTLE HARDER!

1639
01:15:32.531 --> 01:15:33.530
OKAY, NO, NO, NO.

1640
01:15:33.532 --> 01:15:34.464
IT'S GONE.
IT'S GONE.

1641
01:15:34.466 --> 01:15:35.932
-JUST LET IT GO!
-FINE!

1642
01:15:35.934 --> 01:15:38.267
JUST THOUGHT
WE COULD ALL SING SEAL TOGETHER

1643
01:15:38.269 --> 01:15:39.534
LIKE NORMAL FAMILIES DO.

1644
01:15:39.536 --> 01:15:41.636
AH, CRAP!

1645
01:15:41.638 --> 01:15:42.703
NOW WHAT?

1646
01:15:42.705 --> 01:15:43.770
WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS.

1647
01:15:43.772 --> 01:15:46.039
OH, MY GOD.

1648
01:15:46.041 --> 01:15:47.707
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

1649
01:15:47.709 --> 01:15:49.975
I'M SURE WE WILL FIND
A PLACE TO FILL UP AROUND HERE

1650
01:15:49.977 --> 01:15:51.209
BEFORE WE RUN OUT.

1651
01:15:52.678 --> 01:15:56.880
UGH. MAN.
NO SIGNAL AT ALL.

1652
01:15:58.550 --> 01:16:00.683
WONDER IF THE PRANCER
HAS ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE.

1653
01:16:00.685 --> 01:16:03.719
--HOW WOULD WE EVEN CALL THEM?

1654
01:16:03.721 --> 01:16:05.187
MAYBE IT'S ONE OF THE BUTTONS
ON THE FOB.

1655
01:16:05.189 --> 01:16:07.222
SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE GONNA KEEP
PRESSING BUTTONS?

1656
01:16:07.224 --> 01:16:09.023
WELL,
WE NEVER TRIED THE TOP HAT.

1657
01:16:09.025 --> 01:16:10.391
OH, GEEZ.

1658
01:16:11.394 --> 01:16:12.559
OH, MY GOD!

1659
01:16:14.194 --> 01:16:15.527
WELL, NOW WE KNOW
WHAT THE TOP HAT DOES.

1660
01:16:17.097 --> 01:16:18.763
I'M NOT GONNA DO
THE SWASTIKA.

1661
01:16:18.765 --> 01:16:21.499
ALL THAT'S LEFT
IS THE MUFFIN.

1662
01:16:23.269 --> 01:16:24.601
COME ON, MUFFIN.

1663
01:16:27.338 --> 01:16:28.503
-WHAT?
-IT STARTED!

1664
01:16:28.505 --> 01:16:30.004
-YES!
-ALL RIGHT!

1665
01:16:30.006 --> 01:16:32.573
OH!
MUST BE THE EXTRA GAS TANK.

1666
01:16:32.575 --> 01:16:33.840
-RIGHT?
-OH! THE MUFFIN!

1667
01:16:33.842 --> 01:16:35.675
DAD TO THE RESCUE!

1668
01:16:35.677 --> 01:16:37.343
-THANK GOD.
-WAIT, WHERE'S IT GOING?

1669
01:16:37.345 --> 01:16:38.677
WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE!

1670
01:16:38.679 --> 01:16:40.612
MAKE IT --
MAKE IT STOP!

1671
01:16:40.614 --> 01:16:43.014
I DON'T KNOW HOW!
I'LL HIT THE MUFFIN AGAIN!

1672
01:17:03.467 --> 01:17:04.900
ALL RIGHT.
WE CAN HANDLE THIS.

1673
01:17:04.902 --> 01:17:06.935
OH, NO, NO, NO.
PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT.

1674
01:17:06.937 --> 01:17:09.737
DO NOT SAY THAT WE CAN
HANDLE THIS, RUSS.

1675
01:17:09.739 --> 01:17:10.938
-OKAY?
-WE CAN.

1676
01:17:10.940 --> 01:17:13.040
NO, WE CAN'T!
WE CAN'T!

1677
01:17:13.042 --> 01:17:15.642
FROM THE MOMENT WE LEFT
FOR THIS TRIP,

1678
01:17:15.644 --> 01:17:17.110
NOTHING HAS GONE RIGHT.

1679
01:17:17.112 --> 01:17:19.545
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST ADMIT
THAT THIS WAS A MISTAKE?

1680
01:17:21.214 --> 01:17:22.914
BUT IT WASN'T.
RIGHT?

1681
01:17:22.916 --> 01:17:23.948
WE ALL WANTED TO GO.

1682
01:17:23.950 --> 01:17:25.049
-I DIDN'T.
-ME NEITHER.

1683
01:17:25.051 --> 01:17:26.316
NO. ME NEITHER.

1684
01:17:26.318 --> 01:17:27.450
<i> YOU</i> WANTED TO GO.

1685
01:17:27.452 --> 01:17:28.818
ALL RIGHT,
I THINK TEMPERS

1686
01:17:28.820 --> 01:17:30.553
ARE GETTING A LITTLE HOT
RIGHT NOW.

1687
01:17:30.555 --> 01:17:31.687
WE JUST HAVE TO, UH...

1688
01:17:32.755 --> 01:17:34.856
WE JUST ALL HAVE TO...

1689
01:17:37.293 --> 01:17:38.892
FUCK ME!

1690
01:17:38.894 --> 01:17:40.293
I GIVE UP!

1691
01:17:40.295 --> 01:17:41.994
ALL I WANTED TO DO
WAS TAKE MY FUCKIN' FAMILY

1692
01:17:41.996 --> 01:17:43.795
ON A FUCKIN' TRIP
TO WALLEY WORLD

1693
01:17:43.797 --> 01:17:45.630
AND RIDE
THE FUCKING VELOCIRAPTOR!

1694
01:17:45.632 --> 01:17:48.798
OW!
THERE'S A ROCK IN THAT.

1695
01:17:50.734 --> 01:17:52.267
I GUESS I'M THE ASSHOLE

1696
01:17:52.269 --> 01:17:54.102
FOR TRYING TO BRING MY FAMILY
CLOSER TOGETHER, RIGHT?

1697
01:17:54.104 --> 01:17:55.336
WHAT DO I GET?

1698
01:17:55.338 --> 01:17:56.570
KIDS WHO DON'T
WANNA BE WITH ME,

1699
01:17:56.572 --> 01:17:57.737
AND A WIFE WHO'S MISERABLE.

1700
01:17:57.739 --> 01:17:59.472
-RUSS.
-OH, COME ON, DEBBIE.

1701
01:17:59.474 --> 01:18:01.674
YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.
YOU THINK YOU SETTLED FOR ME.

1702
01:18:01.676 --> 01:18:03.976
YOU THINK I'M A LOSER
REGIONAL PILOT.

1703
01:18:03.978 --> 01:18:05.510
WELL, GUESS WHAT?

1704
01:18:05.512 --> 01:18:08.279
I GET OFFERS FROM INTERNATIONAL
CARRIERS ALL THE TIME,

1705
01:18:08.281 --> 01:18:09.446
AND I TURN THEM DOWN.

1706
01:18:09.448 --> 01:18:10.580
WHY?

1707
01:18:10.582 --> 01:18:11.948
BECAUSE
I DON'T WANNA BE AWAY

1708
01:18:11.950 --> 01:18:13.416
FROM YOU AND THE KIDS
THAT LONG.

1709
01:18:13.418 --> 01:18:14.950
I'M AN IDIOT!

1710
01:18:14.952 --> 01:18:17.118
I SHOULD TAKE
ONE OF THOSE JOBS

1711
01:18:17.120 --> 01:18:19.687
AND FLY OFF
TO THE PYRAMIDS OF ZAMBEZI

1712
01:18:19.689 --> 01:18:23.357
AND THE LOST GARDENS
OF WHEREVER THE FUCK!

1713
01:18:23.359 --> 01:18:25.292
JUST FORGET IT.

1714
01:18:25.294 --> 01:18:28.595
FORGET THIS WHOLE,
STUPID TRIP.

1715
01:18:28.597 --> 01:18:30.263
YOU PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR OWN.

1716
01:18:30.265 --> 01:18:32.665
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
A BETTER HUSBAND AND FATHER.

1717
01:18:32.667 --> 01:18:35.868
A COWBOY
WITH A HUGE SIX-PACK

1718
01:18:35.870 --> 01:18:41.005
WHO WILL TAKE YOU TO PARIS
AND WRESTLING AND...TO BOOKS.

1719
01:18:41.007 --> 01:18:42.573
WHAT --

1720
01:18:43.675 --> 01:18:44.808
WAIT,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

1721
01:18:44.810 --> 01:18:47.310
FUCK IF I KNOW!

1722
01:18:47.312 --> 01:18:49.779
OW! GOD!

1723
01:18:49.781 --> 01:18:52.881
THESE TUMBLEWEEDS ARE ALL FILLED
WITH THINGS THAT ARE HARD!

1724
01:19:01.289 --> 01:19:02.322
WHAT THE...

1725
01:19:09.662 --> 01:19:11.729
Oh, no.

1726
01:19:13.331 --> 01:19:14.798
HELP.

1727
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:16.566
HELP!

1728
01:19:16.568 --> 01:19:18.134
HELP!

1729
01:19:18.136 --> 01:19:20.136
HELP!

1730
01:19:20.138 --> 01:19:21.170
STOP!

1731
01:19:21.172 --> 01:19:22.871
COME ON.
GO, GO, GO!

1732
01:19:23.339 --> 01:19:24.972
HELP!

1733
01:19:27.041 --> 01:19:29.575
NO!

1734
01:19:29.577 --> 01:19:32.044
HELP!

1735
01:19:42.721 --> 01:19:44.888
DON'T YOU KILL HIM!
DAD!

1736
01:19:44.890 --> 01:19:46.222
I'M SO SORRY.

1737
01:19:46.224 --> 01:19:48.657
WHEN I CALLED YOU A PEDOPHILE,
I WAS --

1738
01:19:48.659 --> 01:19:50.025
NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO!

1739
01:19:50.027 --> 01:19:53.728
NO! NOT --
NOT IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY!

1740
01:19:53.730 --> 01:19:56.330
YOUR WIFE LEFT THIS
IN A TRUCK STOP IN MISSOURI.

1741
01:19:56.332 --> 01:19:58.765
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
WANT IT BACK.

1742
01:19:58.767 --> 01:20:00.600
OH, MY GOD.

1743
01:20:00.602 --> 01:20:02.234
WAIT! WAIT!

1744
01:20:02.236 --> 01:20:05.704
IS THAT MY RING?

1745
01:20:05.706 --> 01:20:08.273
THIS MAN'S BEEN TRYING TO
RETURN IT TO US THE WHOLE TIME.

1746
01:20:09.709 --> 01:20:11.842
I DON'T KNOW
HOW I COULD EVER THANK YOU.

1747
01:20:11.844 --> 01:20:13.677
NO THANKS NECESSARY.

1748
01:20:13.679 --> 01:20:15.278
IT WAS ON MY WAY.

1749
01:20:15.280 --> 01:20:17.346
SO YOU'RE NOT A RAPIST?

1750
01:20:21.918 --> 01:20:24.786
LOOKS LIKE YOUR CAR'S
PRETTY MESSED UP.

1751
01:20:24.788 --> 01:20:26.387
WHERE YOU HEADED?

1752
01:20:26.389 --> 01:20:30.423
UM...

1753
01:20:30.425 --> 01:20:32.024
HOME, I GUESS.

1754
01:20:32.026 --> 01:20:34.559
WELL, I CAN TAKE YOU
AS FAR AS SAN FRANCISCO.

1755
01:20:34.561 --> 01:20:36.027
WILL THAT HELP?

1756
01:20:37.229 --> 01:20:40.364
YEAH.
YEAH, TH-THAT'LL WORK.

1757
01:20:40.366 --> 01:20:42.933
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, GUYS.

1758
01:20:42.935 --> 01:20:43.900
THANK YOU.

1759
01:20:47.638 --> 01:20:48.771
HE STILL
DIDN'T ANSWER ME.

1760
01:20:48.773 --> 01:20:50.973
OH, KEVIN.

1761
01:21:06.153 --> 01:21:08.920
WELL, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

1762
01:21:08.922 --> 01:21:10.788
HEY, YOU KNOW,
YOU NEVER TOLD US

1763
01:21:10.790 --> 01:21:12.055
WHY YOU KEEP THAT TEDDY BEAR
ON THE FRONT OF YOUR TRUCK.

1764
01:21:12.057 --> 01:21:13.556
OH, YEAH.

1765
01:21:13.558 --> 01:21:15.324
OH, IT MAKES THE KIDS
FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE.

1766
01:21:15.326 --> 01:21:16.992
OH, YEAH?
YOU -- YOU HAVE KIDS?

1767
01:21:16.994 --> 01:21:19.094
NOPE.

1768
01:21:19.096 --> 01:21:20.095
RIGHT. TAKE CARE.

1769
01:21:25.301 --> 01:21:28.435
WELL,
I GUESS THAT'S THAT.

1770
01:21:28.437 --> 01:21:29.636
YEAH.

1771
01:21:29.638 --> 01:21:31.304
WE'LL GET A FLIGHT HOME
TOMORROW.

1772
01:21:31.306 --> 01:21:32.905
DO NOT STAY HERE!

1773
01:21:32.907 --> 01:21:34.606
IT'S THE WORST BED AND BREAKFAST
WE'VE EVER BEEN TO!

1774
01:21:34.608 --> 01:21:36.274
THEY OUGHTA
SHUT THIS PLACE DOWN!

1775
01:21:36.276 --> 01:21:38.409
THE OWNER IS A LUNATIC!

1776
01:21:38.411 --> 01:21:40.778
YOU ALL COME BACK NOW,
YA HEAR?

1777
01:21:40.780 --> 01:21:42.980
HEY!

1778
01:21:42.982 --> 01:21:44.648
LOOK WHO MADE IT!

1779
01:21:44.650 --> 01:21:45.815
ELLEN!

1780
01:21:45.817 --> 01:21:46.816
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
THEY'RE HERE!

1781
01:21:46.818 --> 01:21:47.950
HI, DAD.

1782
01:21:47.952 --> 01:21:50.252
WE WERE SO HAPPY
TO GET THAT CALL.

1783
01:21:50.254 --> 01:21:51.620
HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

1784
01:21:51.622 --> 01:21:54.155
-WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.
-GIVE ME A HUG.

1785
01:21:54.157 --> 01:21:56.524
-HI, GRANDPA.
-COME HERE, YOU TWO.

1786
01:21:56.526 --> 01:21:57.925
OH, MY GOSH!

1787
01:21:57.927 --> 01:21:59.026
YOU'RE GETTIN' SO BIG!

1788
01:21:59.028 --> 01:22:00.660
HEY, COME ON,
LET'S GO INSIDE.

1789
01:22:00.662 --> 01:22:03.095
-GRANDPA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
-NO, I CAN DO IT. REALLY.

1790
01:22:03.097 --> 01:22:04.362
-OH, RUSS.
-CLARK.

1791
01:22:04.364 --> 01:22:05.963
OH, NO. I GOT THIS.

1792
01:22:05.965 --> 01:22:07.130
I'M FINE.

1793
01:22:07.132 --> 01:22:09.665
OW.
THIS REALLY HURTS.

1794
01:22:09.667 --> 01:22:11.600
AND THAT'S WHEN
THE MUFFIN MADE THE CAR EXPLODE.

1795
01:22:11.602 --> 01:22:13.001
BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY MATTER

1796
01:22:13.003 --> 01:22:14.335
BECAUSE OUR LUGGAGE
AND ALL OF OUR STUFF

1797
01:22:14.337 --> 01:22:15.669
HAD ALREADY BEEN STOLEN

1798
01:22:15.671 --> 01:22:16.970
BY THE GUY WITH THE RAT
ON HIS SHOULDER.

1799
01:22:16.972 --> 01:22:18.638
THEY EVEN TOOK
MY GUITAR.

1800
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:20.640
OH, JAMES, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

1801
01:22:20.642 --> 01:22:22.108
A MUSICIAN WITHOUT
HIS INSTRUMENT

1802
01:22:22.110 --> 01:22:26.311
IS AS BAD AS A SHOEMAKER
WITHOUT A TOILET SEAT.

1803
01:22:26.313 --> 01:22:28.579
I MAY HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

1804
01:22:40.558 --> 01:22:41.958
IT'S VERY FRAGILE.
LOOK.

1805
01:22:41.960 --> 01:22:44.293
-YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT.
-WOW, GRANDPA.

1806
01:22:44.295 --> 01:22:46.128
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

1807
01:22:46.130 --> 01:22:47.796
-COOL!
-YEAH!

1808
01:22:47.798 --> 01:22:48.997
DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH,

1809
01:22:48.999 --> 01:22:50.798
BUT THAT'S
A VERY SPECIAL GUITAR.

1810
01:22:50.800 --> 01:22:52.633
IT WAS GIVEN TO ME
BY BOB DILLON.

1811
01:22:52.635 --> 01:22:53.867
<i> THE</i> BOB DYLAN?

1812
01:22:53.869 --> 01:22:55.669
NO.
<i> A</i> BOB DILLON.

1813
01:22:55.671 --> 01:22:56.936
D-I-L-L-O-N.

1814
01:22:56.938 --> 01:22:59.772
AN ACCOUNTANT FRIEND
OF MINE.

1815
01:22:59.774 --> 01:23:02.007
BUT IT WAS GIVEN TO HIM
BY JIMMY HENDRICKS.

1816
01:23:02.009 --> 01:23:03.575
<i> THE</i> JIMI HENDRIX?

1817
01:23:03.577 --> 01:23:05.343
NO.

1818
01:23:05.345 --> 01:23:07.278
SO HOW'S
THE B-AND-B BUSINESS GOING?

1819
01:23:07.280 --> 01:23:09.913
WE LOVE IT, ARE YOU KIDDING?
IT'S A GREAT FIT FOR US.

1820
01:23:09.915 --> 01:23:11.147
WE LOVE VISITORS.

1821
01:23:11.149 --> 01:23:13.649
WE LOVE HAVING PEOPLE AROUND
TO CARE FOR.

1822
01:23:13.651 --> 01:23:14.950
WE'RE PEOPLE PEOPLE.

1823
01:23:14.952 --> 01:23:16.151
HEY, GUYS.
YOU MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?

1824
01:23:16.153 --> 01:23:18.018
WE'RE OCCUPIED RIGHT NOW.
BEAT IT.

1825
01:23:20.788 --> 01:23:22.488
HMM. ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
IT'S GETTIN' LATE.

1826
01:23:22.490 --> 01:23:23.956
WHY DON'T YOU GO TO BED, OKAY?

1827
01:23:23.958 --> 01:23:25.424
-OKAY, MOM.
-YEAH. I'LL RUN YOU UPSTAIRS.

1828
01:23:25.426 --> 01:23:26.591
GOOD NIGHT,
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

1829
01:23:26.593 --> 01:23:28.025
-NIGHTY-NIGHT.
-THANK YOU.

1830
01:23:28.027 --> 01:23:30.660
SLEEP TIGHT.

1831
01:23:30.662 --> 01:23:33.129
WELL, YOU'VE CERTAINLY
HAD AN ADVENTURE.

1832
01:23:33.131 --> 01:23:34.430
WELL, YES.

1833
01:23:34.432 --> 01:23:35.964
"ADVENTURE"
IS ONE WAY TO PUT IT.

1834
01:23:37.133 --> 01:23:38.132
HOW'S AUDREY?

1835
01:23:38.134 --> 01:23:39.700
OH, SHE'S GREAT.

1836
01:23:39.702 --> 01:23:42.436
YEAH, SHE AND STONE,
THEY SEEM TO BE VERY HAPPY.

1837
01:23:42.438 --> 01:23:43.837
KEY WORD THERE IS "SEEM."

1838
01:23:43.839 --> 01:23:44.971
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

1839
01:23:44.973 --> 01:23:46.505
THEIR MARRIAGE IS
A SHAM.

1840
01:23:46.507 --> 01:23:47.873
WHAT?

1841
01:23:47.875 --> 01:23:49.207
WELL, THEY SLEEP AROUND
ON EACH OTHER.

1842
01:23:49.209 --> 01:23:50.608
BEEN DOIN' IT FOR YEARS.

1843
01:23:50.610 --> 01:23:52.209
OH, MY GOSH.

1844
01:23:52.211 --> 01:23:55.612
I JUST WISH AUDREY HAD FOUND
A MORE SOLID MARRIAGE

1845
01:23:55.614 --> 01:23:57.080
LIKE YOU AND RUSTY.

1846
01:24:11.528 --> 01:24:13.262
HEY, RUSS, CAN WE TALK?

1847
01:24:15.498 --> 01:24:18.332
I KNEW
WE HAD SOME PROBLEMS.

1848
01:24:18.334 --> 01:24:19.833
IS IT THIS BAD?

1849
01:24:19.835 --> 01:24:22.468
IS OUR MARRIAGE DYING?

1850
01:24:22.470 --> 01:24:23.902
NO.

1851
01:24:23.904 --> 01:24:27.005
NO, A MARRIAGE ONLY DIES
WHEN YOU STOP TRYING.

1852
01:24:27.007 --> 01:24:30.641
AND YOU HAVE NEVER
STOPPED TRYING.

1853
01:24:30.643 --> 01:24:33.510
I JUST THINK
MAYBE I DID.

1854
01:24:33.512 --> 01:24:35.812
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

1855
01:24:35.814 --> 01:24:38.014
I'VE ONLY BEEN THINKING
ABOUT MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

1856
01:24:38.016 --> 01:24:39.582
I WANTED TO
CHANGE THE ROUTINE,

1857
01:24:39.584 --> 01:24:41.517
AND I WANT TO GO ON
EXOTIC TRIPS AND...

1858
01:24:41.519 --> 01:24:45.487
YEAH, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT.

1859
01:24:45.489 --> 01:24:47.822
I WAS CRAZY TO THINK
I COULD MAKE US CLOSER

1860
01:24:47.824 --> 01:24:49.723
BY LOCKING US IN A CAR
FOR A WEEK.

1861
01:24:49.725 --> 01:24:52.058
NO, BUT YOU WERE DOING THAT
FOR US.

1862
01:24:52.060 --> 01:24:54.060
YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING
SO HARD

1863
01:24:54.062 --> 01:24:57.196
TO MAKE THIS TRIP MEMORABLE
FOR ME AND THE KIDS, AND...

1864
01:24:57.198 --> 01:24:58.697
AND I DIDN'T
APPRECIATE THAT.

1865
01:24:58.699 --> 01:25:00.165
BUT WHY WOULD YOU?

1866
01:25:00.167 --> 01:25:03.768
I MEAN, I'VE PUT YOU
THROUGH SOME SERIOUS SHIT.

1867
01:25:03.770 --> 01:25:06.270
LITERALLY,
A POOL OF SHIT IN ARKANSAS.

1868
01:25:09.041 --> 01:25:11.207
YOU DESERVE BETTER.

1869
01:25:11.209 --> 01:25:14.376
WHAT, BETTER THAN YOU?

1870
01:25:14.378 --> 01:25:16.911
HOW MANY MEN
WOULD SACRIFICE THEIR CAREERS

1871
01:25:16.913 --> 01:25:18.879
FOR THEIR FAMILY
LIKE YOU HAVE?

1872
01:25:18.881 --> 01:25:21.882
OH, I DIDN'T
SACRIFICE ANYTHING.

1873
01:25:21.884 --> 01:25:24.251
I HAVE EVERYTHING
I'VE EVER WANTED.

1874
01:25:36.629 --> 01:25:37.962
DEBBIE.

1875
01:25:37.964 --> 01:25:39.229
YEAH?

1876
01:25:39.231 --> 01:25:41.864
WILL YOU CONTINUE
TO BE MY WIFE?

1877
01:25:41.866 --> 01:25:43.932
I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WERE
GONNA GIVE THAT BACK TO ME.

1878
01:25:43.934 --> 01:25:46.301
I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU STILL WANTED IT.

1879
01:25:46.303 --> 01:25:48.636
I DO.

1880
01:25:55.443 --> 01:25:56.643
WAIT A MINUTE.

1881
01:25:56.645 --> 01:25:58.077
ARE WE GONNA DO THIS?

1882
01:25:58.079 --> 01:25:59.311
OH, YEAH.

1883
01:25:59.313 --> 01:26:00.612
I'M GONNA POUND THE SHIT
OUT OF YOU.

1884
01:26:00.614 --> 01:26:01.746
-RUSS!
-WHAT?

1885
01:26:01.748 --> 01:26:03.547
LOCK THE DOOR.

1886
01:26:03.549 --> 01:26:06.383
I'M GONNA LOCK THE SHIT
OUT OF THAT DOOR.

1887
01:26:08.954 --> 01:26:10.420
HEY, DAD.

1888
01:26:10.422 --> 01:26:12.221
MORNING, RUSTY.

1889
01:26:12.223 --> 01:26:14.823
YOU THINK YOU COULD DRIVE US
TO THE AIRPORT THIS AFTERNOON?

1890
01:26:14.825 --> 01:26:16.791
THERE'S A FLIGHT
BACK TO CHICAGO AT 4:00.

1891
01:26:16.793 --> 01:26:18.125
CHICAGO?

1892
01:26:18.127 --> 01:26:19.726
WHAT ABOUT WALLEY WORLD?

1893
01:26:19.728 --> 01:26:23.296
OH, NO.
WE, UH -- WE'VE HAD ENOUGH.

1894
01:26:23.298 --> 01:26:24.730
THIS TRIP'S BEEN
A NIGHTMARE.

1895
01:26:24.732 --> 01:26:27.265
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
FAMILY VACATIONS ARE.

1896
01:26:27.267 --> 01:26:29.233
BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP,
RUSS.

1897
01:26:29.235 --> 01:26:30.667
WELL, WHY NOT?

1898
01:26:30.669 --> 01:26:33.403
I MEAN, THEY ALWAYS SAY
"IT'S NOT THE DESTINATION,

1899
01:26:33.405 --> 01:26:34.971
IT'S THE JOURNEY," RIGHT?

1900
01:26:34.973 --> 01:26:36.605
THE JOURNEY SUCKS.

1901
01:26:36.607 --> 01:26:39.307
THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU
APPRECIATE THE DESTINATION.

1902
01:26:39.309 --> 01:26:41.809
YOU HAD A DREAM TO TAKE
YOUR FAMILY TO WALLEY WORLD.

1903
01:26:41.811 --> 01:26:43.777
NEVER LET THAT GO.

1904
01:26:43.779 --> 01:26:45.812
I KNOW I DIDN'T.

1905
01:26:49.415 --> 01:26:51.749
WELL, HOW WOULD
WE EVEN GET TO WALLEY WORLD?

1906
01:26:51.751 --> 01:26:52.816
WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.

1907
01:26:52.818 --> 01:26:55.652
HEY, COME ON.

1908
01:26:55.654 --> 01:26:57.920
YOU LEAVE THAT TO ME.

1909
01:27:08.530 --> 01:27:10.464
OOPS.
WRONG DOOR.

1910
01:27:25.144 --> 01:27:27.712
COULD I, UH,
TAKE THE NISSAN?

1911
01:27:27.714 --> 01:27:30.214
NO. NO.

1912
01:27:41.659 --> 01:27:44.159
WAIT, DAD, I THOUGHT
WE WERE GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

1913
01:27:44.161 --> 01:27:45.894
BOYS, WHEN YOUR FATHER
MAKES YOU A PROMISE,

1914
01:27:45.896 --> 01:27:47.128
HE KEEPS IT.

1915
01:27:47.130 --> 01:27:49.196
-THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
-THIS SUCKS.

1916
01:28:08.980 --> 01:28:10.145
WOW.

1917
01:28:10.147 --> 01:28:12.714
THIS PLACE IS HUGE.

1918
01:28:12.716 --> 01:28:14.515
THIS IS DOPE AS FUCK.

1919
01:28:14.517 --> 01:28:15.849
-KEVIN.
-KEVIN.

1920
01:28:15.851 --> 01:28:18.818
TOLD YOU YOU GUYS
WOULD LOVE IT, RIGHT?

1921
01:28:18.820 --> 01:28:21.220
HEY, DAD.

1922
01:28:21.222 --> 01:28:23.222
IT REALLY IS
DOPE AS FUCK.

1923
01:28:23.224 --> 01:28:24.323
I KNOW, RIGHT?

1924
01:28:24.325 --> 01:28:25.557
-GUYS!
-OH, WAIT!

1925
01:28:30.828 --> 01:28:34.230
THERE SHE IS.
THE VELOCIRAPTOR.

1926
01:28:34.232 --> 01:28:36.031
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE ACTUALLY MADE IT.

1927
01:28:36.033 --> 01:28:37.032
I KNOW.

1928
01:28:37.034 --> 01:28:38.433
MWAH!

1929
01:28:38.435 --> 01:28:39.500
YOU GUYS READY
FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE?

1930
01:28:39.502 --> 01:28:40.901
-OH, YEAH.
-OH, HELLS YEAH.

1931
01:28:40.903 --> 01:28:43.069
IF I'M BEING HONEST,
IT LOOKS A LITTLE DAUNTING.

1932
01:28:43.071 --> 01:28:45.704
COME ON.
RACE YOU TO THE RIDE.

1933
01:28:45.706 --> 01:28:47.272
YEAH, GO, GO! FASTER!
COME ON!

1934
01:29:01.220 --> 01:29:04.288
TWO MORE HOURS, GUYS.

1935
01:29:07.925 --> 01:29:10.192
OH, MY GOSH.

1936
01:29:10.194 --> 01:29:12.060
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
GET PSYCHED!

1937
01:29:12.062 --> 01:29:13.428
YES!

1938
01:29:13.430 --> 01:29:15.496
THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHY WE CAME
ALL THIS WAY.

1939
01:29:19.767 --> 01:29:21.968
EXCUSE US.

1940
01:29:22.869 --> 01:29:24.135
WHAT WAS THAT?

1941
01:29:24.137 --> 01:29:25.703
LAST RIDE TONIGHT.
PARK'S CLOSIN'.

1942
01:29:25.705 --> 01:29:28.772
-NO, WE WERE NEXT.
-WHAT?

1943
01:29:28.774 --> 01:29:30.073
OH, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT OKAY.

1944
01:29:30.075 --> 01:29:31.474
-THAT'S NOT --
-THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

1945
01:29:31.476 --> 01:29:33.442
HEY.
EXCUSE ME.

1946
01:29:33.444 --> 01:29:35.043
YOU JUST
CUT IN FRONT OF US.

1947
01:29:35.045 --> 01:29:36.978
NO, SEE,
WE BOUGHT THE PLATINUM PASS

1948
01:29:36.980 --> 01:29:38.579
SO WE GET TO SKIP
THE LINES.

1949
01:29:38.581 --> 01:29:40.247
FIFTH TIME TODAY
ON THIS ONE.

1950
01:29:40.249 --> 01:29:44.584
RIGHT, WELL, W-W-WE JUST DROVE
2,500 MILES TO RIDE THIS RIDE

1951
01:29:44.586 --> 01:29:47.320
SO YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE
OUR SPOT.

1952
01:29:47.322 --> 01:29:49.789
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU...

1953
01:29:49.791 --> 01:29:51.290
ECONO AIR.

1954
01:29:51.292 --> 01:29:52.391
YEAH?

1955
01:29:52.393 --> 01:29:53.925
GOOD TO SEE YA.

1956
01:29:53.927 --> 01:29:55.593
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

1957
01:29:55.595 --> 01:29:59.196
WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

1958
01:30:04.001 --> 01:30:06.001
I'M SORRY, GUYS.

1959
01:30:07.837 --> 01:30:09.303
OH, MY GOD!

1960
01:30:11.806 --> 01:30:13.306
OKAY.

1961
01:30:13.308 --> 01:30:15.675
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

1962
01:30:23.182 --> 01:30:24.282
GET OFF!

1963
01:30:24.284 --> 01:30:25.850
OH, IT'S ON.

1964
01:30:25.852 --> 01:30:26.917
KEVIN, NO!

1965
01:30:30.389 --> 01:30:32.389
WAIT, JAMES.
NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIGHT.

1966
01:30:32.391 --> 01:30:33.790
I'M NOT GONNA STAND HERE
LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.

1967
01:30:33.792 --> 01:30:35.424
WHAT?!

1968
01:30:35.426 --> 01:30:37.526
OH, SHIT!

1969
01:31:10.619 --> 01:31:12.719
NO, KEVIN.
KEVIN, NO.

1970
01:31:12.721 --> 01:31:14.320
KEVIN, COME ON.

1971
01:31:15.622 --> 01:31:18.323
YOU PEOPLE
ARE FUCKING CRAZY!

1972
01:31:18.325 --> 01:31:19.991
WHAT KIND OF A FAMILY
ARE YOU?

1973
01:31:19.993 --> 01:31:21.792
WE'RE THE GRISWOLDS!

1974
01:31:21.794 --> 01:31:26.228
SEE YOU AROUND
YOU PIECE OF ASS!

1975
01:31:26.230 --> 01:31:27.963
-LET'S DO THIS.
-ALL RIGHT.

1976
01:31:27.965 --> 01:31:29.764
OH, MAN. I HAVEN'T BEEN
IN A FIGHT LIKE THAT FOR YEARS.

1977
01:31:29.766 --> 01:31:32.566
FIRST CAR, ALL RIGHT!

1978
01:31:32.568 --> 01:31:34.901
MAN, OUR FAMILY
FUCKED THAT FAMILY UP.

1979
01:31:34.903 --> 01:31:36.502
WE DID.

1980
01:31:36.504 --> 01:31:38.303
DID YOU SEE HOW I SCRATCHED
THAT GIRL'S ARM?

1981
01:31:38.305 --> 01:31:40.438
OH, I SAW IT, HONEY.
YOU GAVE HER A GOOD SCRATCH.

1982
01:31:40.440 --> 01:31:41.939
YEAH, MY FINGERS
STILL HURT A LITTLE,

1983
01:31:41.941 --> 01:31:42.940
BUT I THINK I'LL BE OKAY.

1984
01:31:42.942 --> 01:31:44.608
OH, BOY.
HERE WE GO!

1985
01:31:44.610 --> 01:31:46.276
-HOLD ON.
-OH, GOSH!

1986
01:33:06.979 --> 01:33:08.044
RUSS?

1987
01:33:08.046 --> 01:33:09.578
YEAH-HUH?

1988
01:33:09.580 --> 01:33:12.647
IS IT SUPPOSED TO
STAY UPSIDE-DOWN LIKE THIS?

1989
01:33:12.649 --> 01:33:14.482
YEAH.
I DON'T THINK SO.

1990
01:33:14.484 --> 01:33:15.483
OH.

1991
01:33:15.485 --> 01:33:17.852
DAD, ARE WE STUCK?

1992
01:33:17.854 --> 01:33:19.854
LOOKS THAT WAY, PAL.

1993
01:33:19.856 --> 01:33:22.089
MY EYES,
THEY'RE STARTING TO BULGE.

1994
01:33:22.091 --> 01:33:24.658
I'M SURE
THEY'LL HAVE US DOWN ANY MINUTE.

1995
01:33:30.663 --> 01:33:34.231
WELL, GUYS, WHAT'D YOU THINK
OF WALLEY WORLD?

1996
01:33:36.500 --> 01:33:38.267
YEAH.

1997
01:33:39.235 --> 01:33:40.735
LISTEN, BOYS.

1998
01:33:40.737 --> 01:33:42.103
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH
IT'S MEANT TO ME

1999
01:33:42.105 --> 01:33:43.504
TO SPEND ALL THIS TIME
WITH YOU.

2000
01:33:43.506 --> 01:33:46.740
I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

2001
01:33:46.742 --> 01:33:50.576
AND IF I COULD, I'D SPEND
EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH YOU.

2002
01:33:50.578 --> 01:33:52.611
SO, WE'LL SEE YOU
IN A WEEK.

2003
01:33:52.613 --> 01:33:54.079
WAIT,
WHAT'S GOING ON?

2004
01:33:54.081 --> 01:33:55.847
PETERSONS ARE GONNA PICK YOU UP
AT O'HARE,

2005
01:33:55.849 --> 01:33:56.881
AND YOU'LL STAY WITH THEM.

2006
01:33:56.883 --> 01:33:59.049
WHERE ARE WE GOING?

2007
01:33:59.051 --> 01:34:02.252
SOMEPLACE I SHOULDA TAKEN YOU
A LONG TIME AGO.

2008
01:34:02.254 --> 01:34:04.687
HOW DID YOU GET
FREE TICKETS TO PARIS?

2009
01:34:04.689 --> 01:34:06.855
I USED MY CONNECTIONS
AS A PILOT.

2010
01:34:06.857 --> 01:34:09.524
OH, YOU'RE AMAZING.

2011
01:34:09.526 --> 01:34:11.893
WELL, YOU ARE MY QUEEN,

2012
01:34:11.895 --> 01:34:13.694
AND YOU DESERVE
TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE.

2013
01:34:19.267 --> 01:34:23.034
I KNOW
IT'S NOT EXACTLY FIRST-CLASS

2014
01:34:23.036 --> 01:34:24.201
OR COACH.

2015
01:34:24.203 --> 01:34:26.636
HONEY,
IT'S PERFECT.

2016
01:34:26.638 --> 01:34:28.170
YEAH?

2017
01:34:38.212 --> 01:34:41.080
SO HOW LONG
IS THE FLIGHT?

2018
01:34:41.082 --> 01:34:42.114
12 HOURS.

2019
01:34:43.917 --> 01:34:45.549
PERFECT.