WEBVTT FILE

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Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
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(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

3
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(CHILDREN SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)

4
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Brad.

5
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- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, sweetie.

6
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Bye-bye, guys.
I'll pick you up on Monday.

7
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- CHILDREN: Brad.
- What's up?

8
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Hey, Brad.

9
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Hey, Brad.
Looking good, buddy.

10
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- Dylan, where's your retainer?
- I left it at Dad's.

11
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Hey, where's your
math workbook?

12
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At Mom's house.

13
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- Where are all your undies?
- DYLAN: I don't know.

14
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How do we got so many undies?

15
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(ALL CHEERING)

16
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DUSTY: Happy birthday, buddy!

17
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Brad already got me one.

18
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- (CHILDREN CHEERING)
- It was my idea! It was my idea!

19
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Hey, look at that.

20
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Guys.

21
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Daddy.

22
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Oh!

23
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Megan, hold up!

24
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Whoa!

25
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Ah!

26
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- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.

27
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- (GROANS)
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

28
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Right here!
Don't leave without it.

29
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(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

30
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Come on!
Keep it moving!

31
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Inside the cones!

32
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Inside the cones like an ice cream.
Let's go!

33
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Braddie!

34
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Here you go, buddy.

35
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Oh. Thanks, Braddie.

36
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- Hot cocoa?
- Yeah.

37
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Nice. Little marshmallows
floating around there

38
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all in formation.
You are the greatest.

39
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I put a little licorice root
in there, too.

40
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- Oh!
- Tell me what you think.

41
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- DUSTY: Hey, guys.
- Daddy!

42
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- Hey. Hi, how was your day?
- Good.

43
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BRAD: All right,
guys, hop in.

44
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I'll get them ready and I'll
meet you at Tae Kwon Do.

45
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- See you in 30.
- Great. Looking forward to it.

46
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- Bye.
- CHILDREN: Bye, Dad.

47
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- BRAD: Oh!
- (BRAKES SCREECH)

48
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- Dusty.
- Yeah?

49
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Sorry. You made treats for
tonight, right?

50
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No, I got the gift card. I thought
you were on treats tonight.

51
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No. I did gift card and the treats
for the Halloween Spooktacular.

52
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Okay. Well,
I guess I'll hit the bakery

53
00:03:05.008 --> 00:03:06.475
- on the way to the pageant.
- Bakery?

54
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Unless you don't want me
to go to the bakery.

55
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- No...
- Usually, when you repeat what I said

56
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and you shake your head
up and down,

57
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it really means
you don't want me to do it.

58
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- I'm just thinking...
- DUSTY: What?

59
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- Maybe homemade?
- (HORN HONKING)

60
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Yeah. Hey! Honk at him again,
you better count your teeth!

61
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No problem, Braddie.
Homemade snickerdoodles

62
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coming right up.
One for you, too.

63
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Should we fist bump again
or would it be awkward?

64
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I don't mind a second bump.
All right.

65
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Thanks, buddy.
See you tonight.

66
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Bye, mate. Thanks so
much for the cocoa.

67
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CHILDREN: Bye, Daddy.

68
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- (CRASHES)
- Sorry.

69
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- Bye.
- Bye.

70
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BRAD: These look great.
Thank you.

71
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- Look at that.
- Oh...

72
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- Daddy! Karen!
- Hey! Hey, guys.

73
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Wow, look how sexy
Karen looks.

74
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Leather pants and side boob.

75
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That's perfect
for a school function.

76
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- Honey, let's expect good things, okay?
- I know, you're right. Right.

77
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- SARA: Hey. How's it going?
- Hey.

78
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- BRAD: Hi.
- SARA: Hi.

79
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Wow, look at you guys.

80
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You and Mommy are
so sassy all the time.

81
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- KAREN: Hi.
- SARA: Hi.

82
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Oh, hey. I got your novel.

83
00:04:02.600 --> 00:04:04.934
- It's amazing.
- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

84
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SARA: I don't know how you write
such powerful dialogue.

85
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- I mean, it must just come naturally, right?
- Aw.

86
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- Like everything else.
- You're so sweet.

87
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- Are you guys ready?
- Let's go.

88
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I want my shirt
like Adrianna's.

89
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Uh, no. No, no, no, honey.
We're not doing that, okay?

90
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Put that back in.
Look like a nice kid.

91
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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

92
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PRINCIPAL HAYES: <i>Welcome to
the One Horse Open Sing!</i>

93
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<i>Before we get started,
notice we have</i>

94
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<i>several professional video
and still photographers</i>

95
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<i>to cover all your kids
for free.</i>

96
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<i>So you can all put your phones
in your pockets,</i>

97
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<i>relax, and just
be in the moment.</i>

98
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(DEVICES BEEPING)

99
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<i>You don't care.</i>

100
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<i>♪ Dashing through the snow</i>

101
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<i>♪ In a one-horse open sleigh</i>

102
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<i>♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way, hahaha</i>

103
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<i>♪ Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright</i>

104
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<i>♪ What fun it is
to laugh and sing</i>

105
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<i>♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪</i>

106
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...eat candy Santas
and smashed potatoes

107
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and dressing up my dog
like a reindeer.

108
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That's what
Christmas means to me.

109
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- Thank you.
- (ALL CHEERING)

110
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PRINCIPAL HAYES:
And now we have Megan Mayron.

111
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(BEEPING)

112
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My name is Megan Mayron, and I
like Christmas presents a lot.

113
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(ALL LAUGHING)

114
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But I don't really
like Christmas.

115
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My daddy was at my first
Christmases,

116
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but I don't remember those ones.

117
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Then we had some
with no daddy at all.

118
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Then Brad came,

119
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but he was always
trying way too hard

120
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and making everyone feel
uncomfortable.

121
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Then Daddy came back,

122
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and Brad did a pretend Christmas

123
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to show Daddy that Brad
was better than him.

124
00:05:37.660 --> 00:05:41.629
So now we have to go to different
houses to have different Christmases.

125
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Me and my brother wish
we were like other families

126
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and we had normal Christmases.

127
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But we still like
our Christmas presents.

128
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I want to be very clear
about that.

129
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Thank you very much.

130
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(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

131
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(JERRY LAUGHING)

132
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Enjoy paying for therapy, boys!

133
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You better shut your mouth,
Jerry!

134
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Absolutely, Dusty.

135
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(SIGHING)

136
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We're messing up our kids,
Brad, and it's on you.

137
00:06:04.220 --> 00:06:05.453
On me? Why is it on me?

138
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Because before you came around
we only had one Christmas.

139
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So it's on you.

140
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Hold on, hold on. We don't
have to circle the wagons

141
00:06:11.761 --> 00:06:14.328
every time one of the kids
expresses a negative emotion.

142
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They're fine.

143
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Kids that get up in front of
whole schools

144
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and say they don't like
Christmas aren't fine, Sara.

145
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Well, she said she didn't like
having two Christmases.

146
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Which is on you.

147
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So what if we all spend
a Christmas together?

148
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A Together Christmas.
That's good.

149
00:06:27.510 --> 00:06:29.011
Now you fixed it. See, that...

150
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- Now it's off of you.
- (BRAD GASPS)

151
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Let's invite Adrianna's dad,
too.

152
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- What?
- Yes.

153
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- Are you being serious right now? No.
- Yeah.

154
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Put that hand down.

155
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I've been nothing but nice to that guy,
and he treats me like I abducted his kid.

156
00:06:38.722 --> 00:06:39.955
I'm not doing that.

157
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Why are you messing up
the mood now, all right?

158
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We wanna go tell the kids my great
idea about the Together Christmas.

159
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Wait, how did it become
your idea?

160
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It was your idea, but I named
it Together Christmas.

161
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<i>People of Bikini Bottom...</i>

162
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Hey, guys?

163
00:06:53.102 --> 00:06:55.739
Guys. Listen up,
I got a surprise.

164
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Hello?

165
00:07:00.576 --> 00:07:02.910
- Guys. We got a big surprise!
- A surprise?

166
00:07:02.912 --> 00:07:04.578
- Another pony?
- A trampoline?

167
00:07:04.580 --> 00:07:05.681
You leaving?

168
00:07:05.683 --> 00:07:06.881
Not quite, okay?

169
00:07:06.883 --> 00:07:08.182
But, no, we got something better
than that, okay?

170
00:07:08.184 --> 00:07:09.785
So much better.
It's gonna be great.

171
00:07:09.787 --> 00:07:11.451
Guys, this year, no more back
and forth at Christmas.

172
00:07:11.453 --> 00:07:13.086
- We're not doing the back and forth.
- Nope. I just said that.

173
00:07:13.088 --> 00:07:14.756
- No more back and forth at Christmas.
- No back and forth.

174
00:07:14.758 --> 00:07:17.859
This year, we're gonna spend one
Christmas all together, all of us!

175
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- BOTH: Yay!
- All of us. A Together Christmas!

176
00:07:19.296 --> 00:07:21.228
- A Together Christmas!
- Can you be quiet?

177
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A Together Christmas
like a normal family!

178
00:07:22.965 --> 00:07:24.232
- Yay!
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

179
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I'll get it.

180
00:07:26.169 --> 00:07:27.669
Hello?

181
00:07:27.671 --> 00:07:29.206
Grandpa Kurt?

182
00:07:31.207 --> 00:07:33.008
Daddy, Grandpa Kurt wants
to talk to you.

183
00:07:33.010 --> 00:07:34.775
SARA: No, no, no. Dusty,
I'll just tell him...

184
00:07:34.777 --> 00:07:37.244
No. It's okay, Sara.

185
00:07:37.246 --> 00:07:38.749
Thank you.

186
00:07:39.549 --> 00:07:40.785
Thanks, buddy.

187
00:07:43.753 --> 00:07:45.222
What, Dad?

188
00:07:46.289 --> 00:07:47.855
Yeah, long time.

189
00:07:47.857 --> 00:07:49.725
No, I'm fine. Tomorrow?

190
00:07:49.727 --> 00:07:51.092
- Tomorrow.
- No.

191
00:07:51.094 --> 00:07:53.427
I could probably pick you up,
I guess, but...

192
00:07:53.429 --> 00:07:56.463
- Hey! Psst! Guess what? My folks are coming tomorrow.
- I don't care.

193
00:07:56.465 --> 00:07:58.833
- We can go together.
- You shut up.

194
00:07:58.835 --> 00:08:02.306
Dad, do you want to just text...
Hello?

195
00:08:03.039 --> 00:08:04.041
(SIGHS)

196
00:08:07.744 --> 00:08:09.276
Dusty, listen to me,

197
00:08:09.278 --> 00:08:11.879
I think you're approaching this
with way too much negative energy.

198
00:08:11.881 --> 00:08:15.383
Brad, you don't know what you're
talking about, so shut your fat hole!

199
00:08:15.385 --> 00:08:17.117
- Dusty.
- (SIGHS)

200
00:08:17.119 --> 00:08:19.687
I'm sorry, Braddie.
I'm sorry.

201
00:08:19.689 --> 00:08:21.323
You see what he does to me?

202
00:08:21.325 --> 00:08:23.158
I mean, he's not even here yet, and
he's already ruining Christmas.

203
00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:25.761
- Okay, okay, relax. Relax.
- I can't!

204
00:08:25.763 --> 00:08:28.997
Look, your father hasn't met
the new evolved Dusty.

205
00:08:28.999 --> 00:08:31.732
You're a progressive,
sensitive, child-first parent.

206
00:08:31.734 --> 00:08:34.368
That's exactly the stuff he's gonna
make fun of us for. You'll see.

207
00:08:34.370 --> 00:08:37.137
He's gonna scoff at everything
we do. He's a scoffer, Brad.

208
00:08:37.139 --> 00:08:39.040
Pepe, you have a grown son,
right?

209
00:08:39.042 --> 00:08:40.342
<i>Si.</i>

210
00:08:40.344 --> 00:08:42.809
Why don't you tell Dusty here
how much your son means to you

211
00:08:42.811 --> 00:08:44.846
in this season of good cheer?

212
00:08:44.848 --> 00:08:49.217
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

213
00:08:49.219 --> 00:08:50.819
- You see?
- He didn't say nice things

214
00:08:50.821 --> 00:08:52.019
like you think he did, Brad.

215
00:08:52.021 --> 00:08:53.320
Dusty, you're being silly.

216
00:08:53.322 --> 00:08:55.490
I mean, who wouldn't be
impressed with you?

217
00:08:55.492 --> 00:08:57.391
Come on. (GASPS)

218
00:08:57.393 --> 00:08:58.394
Dear God!

219
00:08:58.928 --> 00:09:01.264
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

220
00:09:02.666 --> 00:09:05.869
He looks as if he's been
chiseled from Gibraltar itself.

221
00:09:10.473 --> 00:09:13.410
This is gonna come off weird,
Dusty, but he's beautiful.

222
00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:18.816
I want to be his friend so bad.

223
00:09:27.056 --> 00:09:28.993
- Dusty. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, Pop.

224
00:09:29.725 --> 00:09:31.324
- How was your flight?
- Not bad.

225
00:09:31.326 --> 00:09:33.462
Took 20 minutes to get
to the gate though.

226
00:09:33.464 --> 00:09:35.664
What's with that bottleneck
you got out there?

227
00:09:35.666 --> 00:09:40.101
I'm sorry our local airport tarmac's
not up to your standards, huh?

228
00:09:40.103 --> 00:09:42.971
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you designed this airport,

229
00:09:42.973 --> 00:09:44.405
or I'd have been
more sensitive.

230
00:09:44.407 --> 00:09:46.540
Oh, I guess I'll move to a new
town with a better airport

231
00:09:46.542 --> 00:09:49.944
that way you won't be inconvenienced
when you show up every five years or so.

232
00:09:49.946 --> 00:09:52.247
(CHUCKLES) Same old
Mr. Touchy. I love it.

233
00:09:52.249 --> 00:09:53.714
Here you go, Pancho.

234
00:09:53.716 --> 00:09:55.383
Why don't you bring the car around,
we'll meet you at the curb.

235
00:09:55.385 --> 00:09:56.416
Right away, sir.

236
00:09:56.418 --> 00:09:59.655
I mean, no, I'm sorry,
I'm not the driver.

237
00:09:59.657 --> 00:10:00.856
No, I'm Brad.

238
00:10:00.858 --> 00:10:02.156
The stepdad.

239
00:10:02.158 --> 00:10:04.192
- This is Sara's husband.
- Why is he with you?

240
00:10:04.194 --> 00:10:06.627
(GASPS) Dad!

241
00:10:06.629 --> 00:10:08.231
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

242
00:10:09.832 --> 00:10:13.002
That sweater. He wears a red sweater,
so I can see him in a crowd.

243
00:10:16.340 --> 00:10:17.472
Dad!

244
00:10:17.474 --> 00:10:19.210
That's him, that's Dad.

245
00:10:23.814 --> 00:10:25.146
(GRUNTS)

246
00:10:25.148 --> 00:10:26.984
Dad. Dad.

247
00:10:29.720 --> 00:10:31.120
(LAUGHING)

248
00:10:36.726 --> 00:10:39.128
- I made a sign.
- There's my big man.

249
00:10:41.431 --> 00:10:42.963
(BOTH LAUGHING)

250
00:10:42.965 --> 00:10:44.998
And this guy's raising
your kids half the time?

251
00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:47.334
He hasn't seen his dad
in a really long time.

252
00:10:47.336 --> 00:10:50.471
It's only been since Thanksgiving,
but it feels like forever.

253
00:10:50.473 --> 00:10:53.006
- It does!
- BOTH: Oh!

254
00:10:53.008 --> 00:10:55.410
Four weeks? It's been
a few years for us.

255
00:10:55.412 --> 00:10:58.179
What should we do? You want
me to take my pants off?

256
00:10:58.181 --> 00:10:59.548
BRAD: Hey, where's Mom?

257
00:10:59.550 --> 00:11:01.083
You didn't get her text?

258
00:11:01.085 --> 00:11:04.019
Uncle Arny came down with
a bad case of the shingles.

259
00:11:04.021 --> 00:11:06.253
- No.
- So Mom's staying back

260
00:11:06.255 --> 00:11:07.789
- to take care of him.
- Okay.

261
00:11:07.791 --> 00:11:09.823
But, hey, you still got me.

262
00:11:09.825 --> 00:11:11.859
I sure do. I sure do!

263
00:11:11.861 --> 00:11:13.062
BOTH: Oh!

264
00:11:14.297 --> 00:11:15.965
BRAD: We're gonna
have the best time.

265
00:11:16.432 --> 00:11:18.065
(GASPS) Oh! Dusty!

266
00:11:18.067 --> 00:11:20.300
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, Muscles, come here.

267
00:11:20.302 --> 00:11:23.139
(STAMMERS) I've got a cold.
Stay away. Don, Don!

268
00:11:24.007 --> 00:11:25.439
Say, Dusty,

269
00:11:25.441 --> 00:11:28.242
Brad told me about this
Together Christmas we're doing.

270
00:11:28.244 --> 00:11:32.447
You two are such wonderful,
progressive co-dads.

271
00:11:32.449 --> 00:11:33.647
Co-dads?

272
00:11:33.649 --> 00:11:36.184
I'm so sorry. Mr. Mayron,
this is my father, Don Whitaker.

273
00:11:36.186 --> 00:11:39.152
The pleasure is all mine,
Captain!

274
00:11:39.154 --> 00:11:42.524
You piloted the Space Shuttle
Atlantis in 1992

275
00:11:42.526 --> 00:11:45.794
and commanded the Endeavour
on three missions in 1994!

276
00:11:45.796 --> 00:11:47.464
All right, come on,
we're out this way.

277
00:11:48.364 --> 00:11:49.631
Thanks, Dusty.

278
00:11:49.633 --> 00:11:53.101
Say, Kurt, did you meet any
interesting folks on your flight?

279
00:11:53.103 --> 00:11:55.902
- I met a Scotch and a pillow.
- (LAUGHS)

280
00:11:55.904 --> 00:11:58.106
You know, actually,
I always pick the flights

281
00:11:58.108 --> 00:12:00.342
that have the most connections
so that

282
00:12:00.344 --> 00:12:04.445
I get to chat with as many
new people as possible.

283
00:12:04.447 --> 00:12:06.516
- Oh, so you're a lunatic. Good to know.
- That's me!

284
00:12:07.783 --> 00:12:09.953
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

285
00:12:16.192 --> 00:12:20.029
(GRUNTS) Looks like one of your neighbors
is getting an oversized parcel.

286
00:12:20.564 --> 00:12:22.197
Hello!

287
00:12:22.199 --> 00:12:24.498
Don Whitaker,
United States Postal Service!

288
00:12:24.500 --> 00:12:28.535
Retired, but never too old to
lend a hand to a fellow carrier.

289
00:12:28.537 --> 00:12:31.838
Brad, I gotta tell you, this baby
sure gives you a smooth ride.

290
00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:32.907
Oh, thank you, Kurt.

291
00:12:32.909 --> 00:12:35.142
Yeah, it is surprisingly
responsive.

292
00:12:35.144 --> 00:12:36.544
Brad, he's not...

293
00:12:36.546 --> 00:12:38.045
So do they take your balls
right there at the dealership,

294
00:12:38.047 --> 00:12:39.580
or do you send them in
with the registration?

295
00:12:39.582 --> 00:12:40.814
How does it work exactly?

296
00:12:40.816 --> 00:12:43.184
No, no, they didn't take my balls.
Just $2,000 down.

297
00:12:43.186 --> 00:12:44.685
This your place, Dusty?

298
00:12:44.687 --> 00:12:47.188
- I pictured it nicer.
- BRAD: Yeah, Dusty's house is nicer.

299
00:12:47.190 --> 00:12:48.522
This is my house.

300
00:12:48.524 --> 00:12:50.491
Just thought you'd like to
step in and see the kids.

301
00:12:50.493 --> 00:12:53.127
Only if it's okay. Look, we don't
want to infringe on your days.

302
00:12:53.129 --> 00:12:55.296
(SCOFFS) Of course, don't be silly.
Come on, guys.

303
00:12:55.298 --> 00:12:58.867
You got to ask another man's
permission to see your own kids?

304
00:12:58.869 --> 00:13:00.537
(SCOFFS) Unbelievable.

305
00:13:01.336 --> 00:13:04.639
We're back! With more daddies!

306
00:13:04.641 --> 00:13:07.574
Hey! Look how big you two got!

307
00:13:07.576 --> 00:13:09.910
Come on. Don't I get a hug?
Come on!

308
00:13:09.912 --> 00:13:11.245
(KURT CHUCKLES)

309
00:13:11.247 --> 00:13:12.914
And who's this barroom brawler?

310
00:13:12.916 --> 00:13:14.314
MEGAN: He's our brother,
Griffy, silly.

311
00:13:14.316 --> 00:13:17.318
Hey, come here, pardner.
Dusty, you never told me.

312
00:13:17.320 --> 00:13:20.121
- Why, he looks just like you.
- Yeah, not my kid.

313
00:13:20.123 --> 00:13:21.957
Oh, no, no, no.
I fathered that one.

314
00:13:21.959 --> 00:13:23.692
Oh. Ah, then how does he
relate to me then?

315
00:13:23.694 --> 00:13:27.060
Well, he is the brother
of your grandkids, Kurt.

316
00:13:27.062 --> 00:13:28.728
- Oh. Here, here.
- Oh. Okay.

317
00:13:28.730 --> 00:13:30.665
Hey, looking good, Buttercup.

318
00:13:30.667 --> 00:13:32.136
Good to see you.

319
00:13:33.003 --> 00:13:35.468
- Look who's here!
- BOTH: Pop-Pop!

320
00:13:35.470 --> 00:13:36.404
(LAUGHS)

321
00:13:36.406 --> 00:13:38.106
- Tell us a Pop-Pop joke!
- DON: Ooh, ooh.

322
00:13:38.108 --> 00:13:40.407
What's a good one?
Why does a duck have feathers?

323
00:13:40.409 --> 00:13:41.442
Why?

324
00:13:41.444 --> 00:13:44.648
- To cover up his butt quack.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

325
00:13:45.581 --> 00:13:47.482
Hey, kids,
I got a good one for you.

326
00:13:47.484 --> 00:13:49.885
- Two dead hookers wash up on the shore...
- Hey, hey!

327
00:13:49.887 --> 00:13:51.852
- Whoa, whoa, shut up.
- No way. No way.

328
00:13:51.854 --> 00:13:54.792
- Sara. How's my girl?
- Hi!

329
00:13:55.892 --> 00:13:57.290
What, Ginny couldn't make it?

330
00:13:57.292 --> 00:13:58.525
Oh, she feels terrible.

331
00:13:58.527 --> 00:14:01.328
But she sent a batch of
her special cookies!

332
00:14:01.330 --> 00:14:03.664
- Is there milk in that kitchen?
- MEGAN: Yay!

333
00:14:03.666 --> 00:14:05.599
DON: I want the first one.

334
00:14:05.601 --> 00:14:07.602
I get the first one!

335
00:14:07.604 --> 00:14:11.205
So he gets to be Pop-Pop
and I'm just Grandpa Kurt?

336
00:14:11.207 --> 00:14:13.174
What? I'm in charge of the
cutesy grandpa names now?

337
00:14:13.176 --> 00:14:15.742
Look, if you want a better name, maybe
try showing up a little more often.

338
00:14:15.744 --> 00:14:19.082
Tell the kids, from now on,
it's El Padre.

339
00:14:20.984 --> 00:14:22.386
No more hooker jokes.

340
00:14:24.287 --> 00:14:27.588
These don't taste like La-La's cookies.
They taste like Chips Ahoys.

341
00:14:27.590 --> 00:14:30.123
DON: No, no. I sat right there
in the kitchen

342
00:14:30.125 --> 00:14:32.327
and watched Grandma
bake them just yesterday.

343
00:14:32.329 --> 00:14:33.560
DYLAN: I like them.

344
00:14:33.562 --> 00:14:36.997
So, this co-dads thing,
is that what you call it?

345
00:14:36.999 --> 00:14:38.766
Yeah, that's what we call it.

346
00:14:38.768 --> 00:14:41.102
So, on his watch,
he disciplines your kids,

347
00:14:41.104 --> 00:14:43.003
gives them advice, tucks
them in, so forth

348
00:14:43.005 --> 00:14:44.439
and that bothers
you not a bit?

349
00:14:44.441 --> 00:14:45.539
Doesn't bother me at all.

350
00:14:45.541 --> 00:14:47.474
And his total lack of
masculinity...

351
00:14:47.476 --> 00:14:51.411
I mean, his weak chin and soft
underbelly influencing your son,

352
00:14:51.413 --> 00:14:53.113
you're good there,
too? Yeah?

353
00:14:53.115 --> 00:14:55.883
You know what? I'm just feeling like
maybe you guys want a little privacy.

354
00:14:55.885 --> 00:14:57.484
Stay right there,
Brad, all right?

355
00:14:57.486 --> 00:14:59.087
He's just trying
to stir the turd.

356
00:14:59.089 --> 00:15:00.788
- (SCOFFS)
- You can scoff all you want.

357
00:15:00.790 --> 00:15:02.623
Everything is rock solid
between me and Brad here.

358
00:15:02.625 --> 00:15:06.660
- In fact, best friends.
- Really? (SNIFFLES)

359
00:15:06.662 --> 00:15:09.329
- Thank you.
- Brad. Stop it. Now.

360
00:15:09.331 --> 00:15:11.332
- I'm good.
- He gets really emotional.

361
00:15:11.334 --> 00:15:14.367
- Brad. Hey. Brother.
- Did you call me "brother"?

362
00:15:14.369 --> 00:15:16.371
B-Dawg.
Chill out, man. Relax.

363
00:15:16.373 --> 00:15:17.641
All right? Cut it out.

364
00:15:18.340 --> 00:15:19.674
- Brad, don't.
- I know.

365
00:15:19.676 --> 00:15:22.309
Stop. All right, look. Hey.
Brad, stop!

366
00:15:22.311 --> 00:15:25.447
Looks like you two guys
have a real solid arrangement.

367
00:15:25.449 --> 00:15:27.582
You're spending Christmas
together and everything.

368
00:15:27.584 --> 00:15:29.883
Speaking of which, whose place
are we doing that at?

369
00:15:29.885 --> 00:15:31.919
We're totally happy to host
if it makes it easier.

370
00:15:31.921 --> 00:15:33.721
Yeah, we could do it at my place.
I got more room.

371
00:15:33.723 --> 00:15:35.823
We can do presents at our place,
dinner at yours.

372
00:15:35.825 --> 00:15:37.958
Nah, all that back and forth,
who needs that?

373
00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:39.294
This place, that place.

374
00:15:39.296 --> 00:15:42.563
Why don't I book us
a great vacation spot

375
00:15:42.565 --> 00:15:44.365
for all of us,
and we can all spend

376
00:15:44.367 --> 00:15:45.900
the holiday week together?

377
00:15:45.902 --> 00:15:47.168
- Yay! Cool!
- Thanks, El Padre.

378
00:15:47.170 --> 00:15:49.502
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- DON: I love this idea!

379
00:15:49.504 --> 00:15:51.439
It's something extra Christmasy,

380
00:15:51.441 --> 00:15:54.608
with lots of snow and family
activities for all of us.

381
00:15:54.610 --> 00:15:56.343
Dad, I'm just worried about
finding a place,

382
00:15:56.345 --> 00:15:57.679
you know, this close
to the holiday.

383
00:15:57.681 --> 00:16:00.147
- (BEEPS)
- Booked it! Airbnb. All done.

384
00:16:00.149 --> 00:16:02.650
- Yay, El Padre!
- (KURT LAUGHS)

385
00:16:02.652 --> 00:16:06.889
It's gonna be so fun, since we're
all such great friends, huh?

386
00:16:09.292 --> 00:16:11.525
BRAD: Off to the mountains.
Here we go, Griffy.

387
00:16:11.527 --> 00:16:14.127
- Here we go.
- Big fun trip!

388
00:16:14.129 --> 00:16:15.563
Let me get
that for you, Sara.

389
00:16:15.565 --> 00:16:17.165
- SARA: Thank you.
- You're welcome.

390
00:16:17.167 --> 00:16:18.967
You know, Dusty,
I think you and Kurt

391
00:16:18.969 --> 00:16:21.236
spending some time
around me and my dad

392
00:16:21.238 --> 00:16:22.569
might do you both some good.

393
00:16:22.571 --> 00:16:24.038
Hey, don't you see
what he's up to here?

394
00:16:24.040 --> 00:16:26.341
He thinks you and me are harboring
bad feelings for one another

395
00:16:26.343 --> 00:16:29.343
and sticking us together in some cabin is
gonna bring out whatever we're harboring.

396
00:16:29.345 --> 00:16:30.977
But you're not,
are you, Brad?

397
00:16:30.979 --> 00:16:32.246
- I'm not what?
- Harboring!

398
00:16:32.248 --> 00:16:33.580
No, I'm not harboring anything.

399
00:16:33.582 --> 00:16:34.982
Good, 'cause I'm not
harboring anything either.

400
00:16:34.984 --> 00:16:36.250
BRAD: Okay, well, let's use
this as an opportunity

401
00:16:36.252 --> 00:16:37.218
to show him
that we're not harboring.

402
00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:38.486
'Cause we're not harboring.

403
00:16:38.488 --> 00:16:39.654
You're looking at
one safe harbor right here.

404
00:16:39.656 --> 00:16:41.189
All right, good.

405
00:16:41.191 --> 00:16:42.823
You sure you want to pack it like that?
Is that how you're gonna do it?

406
00:16:42.825 --> 00:16:45.293
Look, me and Brad got everything
under control as a team, okay?

407
00:16:45.295 --> 00:16:46.761
- Right, Brad?
- That's right.

408
00:16:46.763 --> 00:16:48.262
Yeah, what would I know
about travel?

409
00:16:48.264 --> 00:16:49.630
I've only been
to frickin' space.

410
00:16:49.632 --> 00:16:51.332
What, did you pack
the space shuttle yourself?

411
00:16:51.334 --> 00:16:53.501
You pop the trunk, arrange all the bags
for you and your little space friends?

412
00:16:53.503 --> 00:16:55.772
I did, as a matter of fact.
Yes, I packed the shuttle.

413
00:16:57.739 --> 00:16:59.240
That's so cool!

414
00:16:59.242 --> 00:17:01.242
I love how you're always
jotting down ideas

415
00:17:01.244 --> 00:17:03.343
for your book
in your little notepad.

416
00:17:03.345 --> 00:17:04.611
People ever get crazy and think

417
00:17:04.613 --> 00:17:06.482
you might be writing
something bad about them?

418
00:17:08.818 --> 00:17:13.954
Say, Brad, would you mind doing some
"Yes, And" drills with me on the way?

419
00:17:13.956 --> 00:17:16.557
"Yes, And" thank you
for asking me.

420
00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:19.493
I recently joined
an improv comedy workshop.

421
00:17:19.495 --> 00:17:21.427
Brad's been pushing me to do it
for years. (CHUCKLES)

422
00:17:21.429 --> 00:17:22.864
Because you're so funny.

423
00:17:22.866 --> 00:17:24.365
Yeah, I really enjoy it.

424
00:17:24.367 --> 00:17:25.665
You should look into it, too,
Kurt.

425
00:17:25.667 --> 00:17:27.702
I'd rather look into
a loaded gun.

426
00:17:27.704 --> 00:17:29.436
- Did you hear that?
- Did you just make that up?

427
00:17:29.438 --> 00:17:31.437
- Zinger!
- That's provocative, too.

428
00:17:31.439 --> 00:17:32.973
You ready to let me do that,
Mr. Stubborn?

429
00:17:32.975 --> 00:17:35.142
- I got it.
- KURT: It's never gonna fit.

430
00:17:35.144 --> 00:17:36.577
Hey, kids, no, no, no, no,

431
00:17:36.579 --> 00:17:39.246
why don't you jump into my car
with Adrianna, all right?

432
00:17:39.248 --> 00:17:43.684
So Grandpa Kurt here can enjoy Pop-Pop's
company on the way up. (CHUCKLES)

433
00:17:43.686 --> 00:17:46.521
Already warmed up a spot
in the capsule for you, Captain!

434
00:17:46.523 --> 00:17:48.625
Still never gonna fit. Ever.

435
00:17:52.028 --> 00:17:54.028
No, I got it. It's fitting fine.

436
00:17:54.030 --> 00:17:55.898
I just had to put it wheels-in.

437
00:18:00.403 --> 00:18:02.735
Perfect fit!
All right, let's go.

438
00:18:02.737 --> 00:18:04.672
Hey, Adrianna, you know,
when we're up there,

439
00:18:04.674 --> 00:18:06.241
I can teach you
how to snowboard.

440
00:18:06.243 --> 00:18:07.407
You're not my dad.

441
00:18:07.409 --> 00:18:09.779
All right.
It's gonna be a fun trip.

442
00:18:14.451 --> 00:18:16.850
BRAD: It's time for
One-Word Story.

443
00:18:16.852 --> 00:18:19.319
Anyone can join in, doesn't have
to be just Dad and I.

444
00:18:19.321 --> 00:18:21.923
You always give us
the best start.

445
00:18:21.925 --> 00:18:24.090
- Uncle...
- ...Thomas...

446
00:18:24.092 --> 00:18:25.693
- ...went...
- ...tiptoeing...

447
00:18:25.695 --> 00:18:26.895
...into the...

448
00:18:26.897 --> 00:18:28.363
...Empire State Building.

449
00:18:28.365 --> 00:18:29.496
(BOTH LAUGHING)

450
00:18:29.498 --> 00:18:31.331
Where were you going
with that one?

451
00:18:31.333 --> 00:18:34.734
This all took place
at the pancake breakfast!

452
00:18:34.736 --> 00:18:36.503
<i>♪ Fifty-six bottles of beer
on the wall</i>

453
00:18:36.505 --> 00:18:38.306
<i>♪ Fifty-six bottles of beer ♪</i>

454
00:18:38.308 --> 00:18:40.441
"G." Georgia,
Georgia license plate!

455
00:18:40.443 --> 00:18:42.378
Ready, and... Quiet Game.

456
00:18:44.981 --> 00:18:46.713
- I'm terrible at this game!
- I can't do it!

457
00:18:46.715 --> 00:18:48.581
- I just can't do it.
- I hate the Quiet Game!

458
00:18:48.583 --> 00:18:51.354
(DON AND BRAD
CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

459
00:19:06.535 --> 00:19:08.735
DON: We always
liked the Shimpahs.

460
00:19:08.737 --> 00:19:13.240
BRAD: The movers thought the Shimpahs' house
was our house and almost moved us in there!

461
00:19:13.242 --> 00:19:16.210
DON: The wrong family! We would've
been living with the Shimpahs!

462
00:19:16.212 --> 00:19:17.778
BRAD: Which I wouldn't
have minded,

463
00:19:17.780 --> 00:19:20.647
'cause I had a huge crush
on Vicky Shimpah.

464
00:19:20.649 --> 00:19:21.949
(BRAD AND DON LAUGHING)

465
00:19:21.951 --> 00:19:23.318
Dad, thank you.

466
00:19:23.320 --> 00:19:25.419
You make a five-hour trip
go by like that!

467
00:19:25.421 --> 00:19:27.120
DON: I just wanted everybody
to have a good time.

468
00:19:27.122 --> 00:19:29.089
Nothing like a nice,
relaxing road trip, huh, Dad?

469
00:19:29.091 --> 00:19:30.324
KURT: It was nothing.

470
00:19:30.326 --> 00:19:32.960
I've been in a confined
space with a chimp.

471
00:19:32.962 --> 00:19:35.098
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

472
00:19:49.911 --> 00:19:53.579
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Dylan's got a girlfriend!

473
00:19:53.581 --> 00:19:54.749
No, I don't! Be quiet!

474
00:19:54.751 --> 00:19:56.049
MEGAN: Yeah, you love her.

475
00:19:56.051 --> 00:19:58.284
You want to buy her flowers
and kiss her on the lips.

476
00:19:58.286 --> 00:19:59.819
Stop it! It's not funny!

477
00:19:59.821 --> 00:20:03.022
Megan! What did I say about
teasing your brother about girls?

478
00:20:03.024 --> 00:20:04.091
She's still doing it.

479
00:20:04.093 --> 00:20:05.960
And she drilled him in the head
with a snowball too.

480
00:20:05.962 --> 00:20:08.028
(SOFTLY)
Well, I'm not her mother.

481
00:20:08.030 --> 00:20:10.697
Now, go take your brother
inside, please. Go on, sweetie.

482
00:20:10.699 --> 00:20:11.865
MEGAN: Come on, Griffy.

483
00:20:11.867 --> 00:20:14.601
So Dylan's started
noticing the girls?

484
00:20:14.603 --> 00:20:17.771
You know, I think it's gonna
be time to give him the talk.

485
00:20:17.773 --> 00:20:20.640
The talk? You mean the talk
about the nitty-gritty?

486
00:20:20.642 --> 00:20:22.510
- The "nitty-gritty"?
- I'm on it, Sar-Bear.

487
00:20:22.512 --> 00:20:24.044
I've been looking forward to
this for a long time.

488
00:20:24.046 --> 00:20:25.579
I got a whole speech prepared,
all right?

489
00:20:25.581 --> 00:20:26.981
It's all heartwarming stuff.

490
00:20:26.983 --> 00:20:29.552
I'm sure you and Brad will do
a bang-up job with that.

491
00:20:30.519 --> 00:20:32.919
Unless this isn't
a co-dadding moment?

492
00:20:32.921 --> 00:20:34.289
- No.
- No.

493
00:20:34.291 --> 00:20:36.956
- I mean, no, of course it is.
- It is.

494
00:20:36.958 --> 00:20:38.424
- Yeah, it is. It's gonna be.
- Okay, yeah.

495
00:20:38.426 --> 00:20:39.961
Yeah, we're gonna
talk to him together.

496
00:20:39.963 --> 00:20:42.766
Oh, Dusty! I read about some
gender-neutral flashcards.

497
00:20:43.366 --> 00:20:44.665
Flashcards.

498
00:20:44.667 --> 00:20:46.767
He's got flashcards
to teach your son how to score.

499
00:20:46.769 --> 00:20:48.101
BRAD: No, of course not.

500
00:20:48.103 --> 00:20:50.771
They cover human reproduction,
puberty, and hygiene.

501
00:20:50.773 --> 00:20:53.174
Okay, great. You tee it
up with the flashcards,

502
00:20:53.176 --> 00:20:55.009
and I'll knock it home
with the heartwarming speech.

503
00:20:55.011 --> 00:20:56.978
- All right? We got this.
- You're all set.

504
00:20:56.980 --> 00:21:01.714
I'll never forget when Brad first
started asking questions about girls.

505
00:21:01.716 --> 00:21:04.685
I took him out for "the talk."

506
00:21:04.687 --> 00:21:07.887
He was so inquisitive and
attentive.

507
00:21:07.889 --> 00:21:10.857
Then I dropped him back off
at his dorm.

508
00:21:10.859 --> 00:21:11.861
Yeah...

509
00:21:12.462 --> 00:21:13.830
Well, come on in.

510
00:21:16.265 --> 00:21:17.266
(ALL EXCLAIM)

511
00:21:18.501 --> 00:21:20.033
Hey, look, there's a game room!

512
00:21:20.035 --> 00:21:22.203
- KAREN: Wow. Adrianna, look.
- DYLAN: And a pool table!

513
00:21:22.205 --> 00:21:23.503
This is what I'm talking about.

514
00:21:23.505 --> 00:21:25.539
Look at that view!

515
00:21:25.541 --> 00:21:27.908
Look at all the mortise and
tenon joinery!

516
00:21:27.910 --> 00:21:29.077
Sittin' fat.

517
00:21:29.079 --> 00:21:31.846
Your old man sure pulled the
right rein getting this place.

518
00:21:31.848 --> 00:21:34.013
Oh, wow. I know. Better throw
you a parade, huh?

519
00:21:34.015 --> 00:21:36.684
(LAUGHING) Oh, I am really
looking forward to that.

520
00:21:36.686 --> 00:21:38.552
Well, you want the thank yous
printed on the bass drums

521
00:21:38.554 --> 00:21:39.752
or the sousaphone covers?

522
00:21:39.754 --> 00:21:42.091
Hey, did anyone bring my bag in?

523
00:21:45.293 --> 00:21:47.294
My supervisor Clyde Unix...

524
00:21:47.296 --> 00:21:50.563
He took over after
Kirby Keller retired in '86.

525
00:21:50.565 --> 00:21:53.434
Horse farm,
upper peninsula of Michigan.

526
00:21:53.436 --> 00:21:55.705
Gorgeous country,
if you ever get the chance.

527
00:21:59.509 --> 00:22:00.710
Wow.

528
00:22:01.244 --> 00:22:02.712
Nice shower. (CHUCKLES)

529
00:22:04.379 --> 00:22:05.782
That's weird.

530
00:22:06.616 --> 00:22:08.184
No controls.

531
00:22:09.118 --> 00:22:11.452
Hey, honey,
how do you turn the shower on?

532
00:22:11.454 --> 00:22:13.387
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower on.</i>

533
00:22:13.389 --> 00:22:14.922
Off! Shower off!

534
00:22:14.924 --> 00:22:17.023
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower off.</i>

535
00:22:17.025 --> 00:22:18.827
Gosh! Ooh!

536
00:22:19.728 --> 00:22:22.029
Voice-activated water. Cool.

537
00:22:22.031 --> 00:22:23.931
- AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Water cool.</i>
- (YELLS)

538
00:22:23.933 --> 00:22:26.599
- Off! Shower off!
- AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower off.</i>

539
00:22:26.601 --> 00:22:28.469
- Water... Cool...
- <i>Water. Shower cool.</i>

540
00:22:28.471 --> 00:22:30.205
- Cool the water.
- <i>Water cool.</i>

541
00:22:31.041 --> 00:22:33.176
Water off! Turn off!

542
00:22:34.409 --> 00:22:35.644
Off.

543
00:22:36.012 --> 00:22:37.377
Oh, my God.

544
00:22:37.379 --> 00:22:38.511
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

545
00:22:38.513 --> 00:22:39.614
SARA: Oh, my God!

546
00:22:39.616 --> 00:22:41.883
You scored on yourself.
Friendly fire.

547
00:22:41.885 --> 00:22:43.584
KAREN: Eight ball,
corner pocket.

548
00:22:43.586 --> 00:22:44.984
- KURT: Ooh! No slashing.
- Yeah.

549
00:22:44.986 --> 00:22:47.023
- Good job, babe.
- Thank you, babe.

550
00:22:48.623 --> 00:22:50.491
SARA: (GROANS) Come on, Sara!

551
00:22:50.493 --> 00:22:52.095
No, that is holding.

552
00:22:54.696 --> 00:22:55.762
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYS LOUDLY)

553
00:22:55.764 --> 00:22:57.565
It's too loud, Dylan!
Turn it down!

554
00:22:57.567 --> 00:22:58.665
I don't know how!

555
00:22:58.667 --> 00:23:00.635
Hey, hey, hey, turn that down!

556
00:23:00.637 --> 00:23:02.304
Griffy's asleep.

557
00:23:03.540 --> 00:23:04.741
(LOWERS VOLUME)

558
00:23:05.841 --> 00:23:07.574
Why are you dressed like
a woman, Brad?

559
00:23:07.576 --> 00:23:08.809
I can't find my stuff.

560
00:23:08.811 --> 00:23:10.543
Are you sure you got my bag
to fit in the car?

561
00:23:10.545 --> 00:23:11.912
Yeah, of course. It fit perfect.

562
00:23:11.914 --> 00:23:14.080
Look, can we skip this one?
I can't stand this song.

563
00:23:14.082 --> 00:23:17.518
- Skip it. Skip it, guys.
- Oh, no, no, no! No, Sara.

564
00:23:17.520 --> 00:23:19.153
This is a great song.

565
00:23:19.155 --> 00:23:21.555
This is my real dad's
favorite Christmas song.

566
00:23:21.557 --> 00:23:23.723
Yeah, well, I'm glad it makes
him happy.

567
00:23:23.725 --> 00:23:25.158
You think I don't want to like
this song?

568
00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:27.561
Of course I want to,
it's a super uplifting song.

569
00:23:27.563 --> 00:23:29.763
- Yeah.
- But he ruined it for me.

570
00:23:29.765 --> 00:23:31.232
What are you talking about?

571
00:23:31.234 --> 00:23:33.835
All right, so I'm 12 years old,
and I join the Glee Club.

572
00:23:33.837 --> 00:23:35.302
(CHUCKLES) Glee Club.

573
00:23:35.304 --> 00:23:37.471
All my buddies in the neighborhood,
they gave me crap over it,

574
00:23:37.473 --> 00:23:39.007
but I don't care,
because for the holiday pageant

575
00:23:39.009 --> 00:23:40.640
we're doing
<i>Do They Know It's Christmas?,</i>

576
00:23:40.642 --> 00:23:43.176
and I was determined
to land that Bono part.

577
00:23:43.178 --> 00:23:47.915
<i>♪ There's a world outside
your window</i>

578
00:23:47.917 --> 00:23:52.051
<i>♪ And it's a world of dread
and fear</i>

579
00:23:52.053 --> 00:23:55.655
<i>♪ Where the only water
flowing is...</i>

580
00:23:55.657 --> 00:23:59.626
DUSTY: <i>So my buddy Derrick Lindmeyer
is laying into the Sting part,</i>

581
00:23:59.628 --> 00:24:01.895
<i>when out in the audience,
what do I see?</i>

582
00:24:01.897 --> 00:24:04.498
<i>My dad giving Scotty
Kimball's mom a foot rub,</i>

583
00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:05.869
<i>not even paying attention!</i>

584
00:24:10.272 --> 00:24:14.040
<i>I totally missed the Bono part,
and everybody made fun of me.</i>

585
00:24:14.042 --> 00:24:15.044
(GIGGLING)

586
00:24:17.312 --> 00:24:21.080
<i>♪ And there won't be
snow in Africa</i>

587
00:24:21.082 --> 00:24:23.684
<i>♪ this Christmastime... ♪</i>

588
00:24:23.686 --> 00:24:25.418
I got no recollection of that.

589
00:24:25.420 --> 00:24:26.721
Yeah, well, I do, all right?

590
00:24:26.723 --> 00:24:28.155
And I got a lot of other
stories just like it.

591
00:24:28.157 --> 00:24:30.424
- Science Fair, you left with Brian Higby's mom.
- (SCOFFS)

592
00:24:30.426 --> 00:24:33.827
Little League regionals, you left with
Mark Fitzgerald's mom and his aunt!

593
00:24:33.829 --> 00:24:35.296
(STAMMERS) Oh, yeah,
now that I remember.

594
00:24:35.298 --> 00:24:36.830
Yeah, yeah.
That went into extra innings.

595
00:24:36.832 --> 00:24:38.299
Know what I mean, kid?
(CHUCKLES)

596
00:24:38.301 --> 00:24:39.703
- No.
- Ah.

597
00:24:40.136 --> 00:24:41.204
Nice.

598
00:24:45.274 --> 00:24:47.273
Dusty! Dusty! Come on.

599
00:24:47.275 --> 00:24:49.876
He's gonna ruin Christmas, Brad,
I'm telling you.

600
00:24:49.878 --> 00:24:52.113
(SIGHS) Look, I hate to hit you
with the tough love,

601
00:24:52.115 --> 00:24:55.014
but the only person
who can ruin your Christmas

602
00:24:55.016 --> 00:24:57.953
is looking back at you
from that mirror.

603
00:24:59.688 --> 00:25:01.488
- All I see is you, Brad.
- Oh.

604
00:25:01.490 --> 00:25:03.359
Okay. Well, sorry. Here. Here.

605
00:25:04.561 --> 00:25:05.861
There. There we go.

606
00:25:06.462 --> 00:25:07.794
- Still you, Brad.
- Is it?

607
00:25:07.796 --> 00:25:09.163
Yeah, it's still you.

608
00:25:09.165 --> 00:25:11.999
Okay, well, look, I'm looking
at you, so I meant you.

609
00:25:12.001 --> 00:25:13.733
Well, I'm looking at you,
so I see you.

610
00:25:13.735 --> 00:25:14.967
Forget the mirror.

611
00:25:14.969 --> 00:25:16.703
You're the only one
who can ruin your Christmas.

612
00:25:16.705 --> 00:25:17.937
Don't look at the mirror!

613
00:25:17.939 --> 00:25:19.173
I'm still looking at you
if I look in the mirror.

614
00:25:19.175 --> 00:25:21.742
Don't worry about the mirror.
That was bad.

615
00:25:21.744 --> 00:25:23.411
- Forget the mirror exists.
- Okay.

616
00:25:23.413 --> 00:25:24.944
Let's just focus on those kids

617
00:25:24.946 --> 00:25:27.117
and giving them
a better childhood than you had.

618
00:25:28.751 --> 00:25:30.217
- You're right.
- Yeah?

619
00:25:30.219 --> 00:25:31.184
It's about them.

620
00:25:31.186 --> 00:25:32.453
It's about giving them
a better Christmas.

621
00:25:32.455 --> 00:25:33.787
There you go.

622
00:25:33.789 --> 00:25:35.588
Yeah, and then we jam that amazing
Christmas right in his butthole!

623
00:25:35.590 --> 00:25:37.723
Yes, we do.
Wait! Whoa, whoa! No.

624
00:25:37.725 --> 00:25:39.260
DUSTY: Yes!

625
00:25:39.262 --> 00:25:41.328
You know, Dusty, I'm just gonna
take the mirror down.

626
00:25:41.330 --> 00:25:43.263
Then we don't have to worry
about it.

627
00:25:43.265 --> 00:25:45.267
(ALL LAUGHING)

628
00:25:45.767 --> 00:25:47.068
Yeah!

629
00:25:47.070 --> 00:25:49.103
- Here we go.
- Here we go.

630
00:25:49.105 --> 00:25:51.141
Hey, where's your glove?

631
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:54.777
No! Griffy!

632
00:25:56.211 --> 00:25:57.511
Excuse me.

633
00:25:57.513 --> 00:25:58.514
(GRUNTING)

634
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:01.182
Griffy!

635
00:26:01.184 --> 00:26:02.382
(LAUGHING)

636
00:26:02.384 --> 00:26:03.920
Griffy! Hey!

637
00:26:04.587 --> 00:26:06.419
(GASPS) Griffy!

638
00:26:06.421 --> 00:26:08.521
Griffy!

639
00:26:08.523 --> 00:26:10.457
- Watch out, honey!
- (SARA GROANS)

640
00:26:10.459 --> 00:26:11.460
(YELPING)

641
00:26:13.728 --> 00:26:14.930
(GRIFFY BABBLING)

642
00:26:16.264 --> 00:26:18.467
- (BRAD SCREAMING)
- Is that Brad?

643
00:26:21.035 --> 00:26:23.038
- That's Brad!
- That's Brad.

644
00:26:23.473 --> 00:26:24.771
(PANTING)

645
00:26:24.773 --> 00:26:27.140
- That boy never...
- (ALL LAUGHING)

646
00:26:27.142 --> 00:26:29.912
Hey, come here. Look at this.
(LAUGHING)

647
00:26:35.451 --> 00:26:37.320
- Mmm. Honey.
- (GASPS)

648
00:26:38.286 --> 00:26:39.555
- Oh.
- Ow!

649
00:26:41.890 --> 00:26:43.292
Dusty, you like that?

650
00:26:46.195 --> 00:26:48.097
Let me capture
this for posterity.

651
00:26:50.867 --> 00:26:52.098
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

652
00:26:52.100 --> 00:26:55.001
DON: The Nativity is a big deal
in Terra Haute.

653
00:26:55.003 --> 00:26:58.070
This is the Redeemer,
this is Abundant Life.

654
00:26:58.072 --> 00:26:59.138
Dad.

655
00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:01.910
- (STAMMERING)
- Let's go, Pop-Pop.

656
00:27:06.416 --> 00:27:08.749
- It's real pretty.
- We'll take the pretty gun.

657
00:27:08.751 --> 00:27:11.217
No. No, no, no, no.

658
00:27:11.219 --> 00:27:14.355
We're not gonna take that today
'cause we are a gun-free family.

659
00:27:14.357 --> 00:27:17.961
Good Lord.
What has he turned you into?

660
00:27:24.667 --> 00:27:26.869
- Ahh!
- Ha-ha!

661
00:27:27.770 --> 00:27:29.269
All right, throw it down!

662
00:27:29.271 --> 00:27:31.507
All right, here it comes,
Braddie!

663
00:27:38.446 --> 00:27:39.482
Brad!

664
00:27:45.587 --> 00:27:47.221
SARA: Hey, honey!

665
00:27:47.223 --> 00:27:48.856
Brad! Brad!

666
00:27:48.858 --> 00:27:51.492
You need a hat.
You're gonna freeze, babe.

667
00:27:51.494 --> 00:27:52.693
Thanks, sweetie.

668
00:27:52.695 --> 00:27:54.161
- You look cute.
- (CHUCKLES)

669
00:27:54.163 --> 00:27:57.563
Hey, I want to talk to you.
I'm worried about your dad.

670
00:27:57.565 --> 00:28:00.701
Don't you think he seems slightly
less chatty than normal?

671
00:28:00.703 --> 00:28:02.071
You got to be shitting me.

672
00:28:03.004 --> 00:28:04.871
I mean, he shows up here without
your mom?

673
00:28:04.873 --> 00:28:07.374
Don't you think that's weird?
There might be a problem?

674
00:28:07.376 --> 00:28:09.242
With my mom and dad's
relationship?

675
00:28:09.244 --> 00:28:10.144
Yeah!

676
00:28:10.146 --> 00:28:12.648
What? They love each other
more than we do!

677
00:28:13.248 --> 00:28:14.146
Yeah.

678
00:28:14.148 --> 00:28:15.848
I brought you your hat!

679
00:28:15.850 --> 00:28:17.818
No, honey,
I didn't mean it that way.

680
00:28:17.820 --> 00:28:19.886
It's a huge compliment. Come on.

681
00:28:19.888 --> 00:28:21.053
You got to understand.

682
00:28:21.055 --> 00:28:22.958
Brad! The Christmas lights!

683
00:28:23.759 --> 00:28:26.193
No, no, no, no.
(GROANS)

684
00:28:26.195 --> 00:28:28.328
All the light strands
are connected.

685
00:28:28.330 --> 00:28:29.564
A terrible idea!

686
00:28:33.569 --> 00:28:35.071
None of these switches work!

687
00:28:37.105 --> 00:28:39.373
- Heads up.
- (YELPS)

688
00:28:39.375 --> 00:28:41.742
Dad! What are these levers for?

689
00:28:41.744 --> 00:28:43.010
Ow!

690
00:28:43.012 --> 00:28:44.644
- Sara!
- Stand clear!

691
00:28:44.646 --> 00:28:45.715
Brad! (WHIMPERING)

692
00:28:49.318 --> 00:28:51.484
(GRUNTING)

693
00:28:51.486 --> 00:28:52.919
DUSTY: Brad, let it go!

694
00:28:52.921 --> 00:28:54.421
I don't want it to hit your car.

695
00:28:54.423 --> 00:28:56.559
- SARA: Let it go!
- (BRAD SCREAMING)

696
00:28:58.359 --> 00:29:00.694
- Tell him to let it go.
- Let it go!

697
00:29:00.696 --> 00:29:02.331
- (YELLING)
- (SARA SCREAMING)

698
00:29:10.606 --> 00:29:12.075
DUSTY: Are you all right?

699
00:29:13.375 --> 00:29:16.344
Look what you did
to the side of my car, man.

700
00:29:16.346 --> 00:29:17.714
(ALARM BLARING)

701
00:29:20.582 --> 00:29:22.949
Dusty, I'm so sorry.

702
00:29:22.951 --> 00:29:25.684
- (GROANS)
- SARA: Honey!

703
00:29:25.686 --> 00:29:27.023
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (LAUGHING)

704
00:29:29.658 --> 00:29:31.724
I'm not putting that Santa Claus
back up there.

705
00:29:31.726 --> 00:29:34.994
I don't want to put it back
on the roof, either.

706
00:29:34.996 --> 00:29:37.097
- Why didn't he let go?
- (LAUGHING)

707
00:29:37.099 --> 00:29:38.734
Because he's an idiot!

708
00:29:44.439 --> 00:29:45.440
(PANTING)

709
00:29:48.976 --> 00:29:50.178
(SCOFFS)

710
00:29:51.813 --> 00:29:53.416
Son of a...

711
00:29:57.386 --> 00:29:58.620
(DON SNORING)

712
00:30:00.790 --> 00:30:01.791
Don.

713
00:30:02.657 --> 00:30:03.757
Don.

714
00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:05.528
Don, wake up. Don!

715
00:30:06.594 --> 00:30:08.729
Don, wake up! Don! Don!

716
00:30:08.731 --> 00:30:11.063
(MUMBLING)

717
00:30:11.065 --> 00:30:15.069
Kurt, are you okay?
Did you have a bad dream?

718
00:30:15.071 --> 00:30:16.235
Do you need to talk?

719
00:30:16.237 --> 00:30:18.806
Yeah, I need to be held.
My heart hurts. No!

720
00:30:18.808 --> 00:30:21.541
Did you touch the thermostat?
Did you turn it up?

721
00:30:21.543 --> 00:30:23.010
Well, of course not.

722
00:30:23.012 --> 00:30:24.778
Did somebody fiddle
with the thermostat?

723
00:30:24.780 --> 00:30:25.945
Yes! It's 85 degrees.

724
00:30:25.947 --> 00:30:28.281
85! Do you have
any idea how much

725
00:30:28.283 --> 00:30:30.451
even a few degrees
can impact the gas bill?

726
00:30:30.453 --> 00:30:32.319
Of course I do!
It's unthinkable.

727
00:30:32.321 --> 00:30:35.521
Dad? Kurt?
What's going on in here?

728
00:30:35.523 --> 00:30:36.388
Why is it so hot?

729
00:30:36.390 --> 00:30:38.291
Someone fiddled
with the thermostat!

730
00:30:38.293 --> 00:30:40.562
What? Who would do that?

731
00:30:41.163 --> 00:30:42.365
(DOOR OPENS)

732
00:30:47.969 --> 00:30:49.836
What do you think you're doing?

733
00:30:49.838 --> 00:30:51.271
It's roasting in here!

734
00:30:51.273 --> 00:30:53.540
I like to sleep
with my window open.

735
00:30:53.542 --> 00:30:54.840
Hey, kid.

736
00:30:54.842 --> 00:30:57.645
Are you allowed to touch the
thermostat at your mom's house?

737
00:30:57.647 --> 00:30:58.648
(SCOFFS) Duh.

738
00:31:01.451 --> 00:31:02.816
(DOOR CLOSES)

739
00:31:02.818 --> 00:31:04.217
What is going on?

740
00:31:04.219 --> 00:31:06.386
Adrianna! She turned
up the thermostat!

741
00:31:06.388 --> 00:31:08.454
Said she fiddles with
the thermostat at your place

742
00:31:08.456 --> 00:31:10.191
any time she damn well pleases.

743
00:31:11.224 --> 00:31:12.762
Dusty, is that true?
Tell me that's not true.

744
00:31:14.228 --> 00:31:16.029
Oh, criminy, Dusty!

745
00:31:16.031 --> 00:31:18.498
You might as well give her your wallet
and your 401(k) while you're at it!

746
00:31:18.500 --> 00:31:20.633
Brad, do you let the kids touch
the thermostat at your house?

747
00:31:20.635 --> 00:31:24.338
What? No! The thermostat
is a sacred covenant.

748
00:31:24.340 --> 00:31:26.906
I can't believe
we're even talking about this!

749
00:31:26.908 --> 00:31:28.375
This is madness!

750
00:31:28.377 --> 00:31:30.309
Oh, God, even Brad's got
his house in order.

751
00:31:30.311 --> 00:31:31.645
Hey, you got no right to talk,
all right?

752
00:31:31.647 --> 00:31:33.280
It wasn't hard to keep me away
from the thermostat

753
00:31:33.282 --> 00:31:34.880
once you shipped me off
to military school.

754
00:31:34.882 --> 00:31:36.049
Kurt, you didn't.

755
00:31:36.051 --> 00:31:37.184
He was out of control.
He was a bedwetter.

756
00:31:37.186 --> 00:31:39.019
I was a bedwetter.
Were you a bedwetter?

757
00:31:39.021 --> 00:31:40.353
I was four years old!

758
00:31:40.355 --> 00:31:42.422
BRAD: Okay,
everyone take it easy.

759
00:31:42.424 --> 00:31:45.524
It's not Dusty's fault that he
lets Adrianna walk all over him.

760
00:31:45.526 --> 00:31:47.159
She does not walk all over me!

761
00:31:47.161 --> 00:31:48.994
I can see how being a stepdad,

762
00:31:48.996 --> 00:31:52.799
you might not feel empowered to
discipline someone else's child.

763
00:31:52.801 --> 00:31:55.269
- (SCOFFS)
- Hey, quit your scoffing, all right?

764
00:31:55.271 --> 00:31:56.436
And you two quit helping me.

765
00:31:56.438 --> 00:32:00.840
Look, Karen and Roger spoil her
to no end.

766
00:32:00.842 --> 00:32:02.709
It's crazy!

767
00:32:02.711 --> 00:32:04.578
And there's nothing you can do.
I get it!

768
00:32:04.580 --> 00:32:07.114
You're the stepdad.
You're screwed.

769
00:32:07.116 --> 00:32:08.982
That kid's never
gonna respect you

770
00:32:08.984 --> 00:32:10.520
unless you bring
the hammer down.

771
00:32:19.561 --> 00:32:22.195
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What the hell was that, Brad?

772
00:32:22.197 --> 00:32:24.098
(CHUCKLES) I know.
He's old school.

773
00:32:24.100 --> 00:32:25.933
I think you handled this
really well, Brad.

774
00:32:25.935 --> 00:32:28.171
I'm so proud of the way
you express yourself.

775
00:32:28.904 --> 00:32:30.173
Come here.

776
00:32:30.872 --> 00:32:32.507
Again? Really?

777
00:32:34.142 --> 00:32:35.542
Good night, Dusty!

778
00:32:35.544 --> 00:32:37.712
- BRAD: Good night, Dad.
- DON: Good night, Brad.

779
00:32:46.888 --> 00:32:49.257
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

780
00:32:55.231 --> 00:32:56.432
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

781
00:32:57.264 --> 00:32:59.399
- Jump! Jump!
- DON: Come on, Griff.

782
00:32:59.401 --> 00:33:00.936
Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy!

783
00:33:01.669 --> 00:33:02.671
Casey's here!

784
00:33:03.205 --> 00:33:04.407
Hey, guys.

785
00:33:04.873 --> 00:33:05.873
Hey.

786
00:33:05.875 --> 00:33:07.941
ADRIANNA: Hey, Dylan, look.
Casey's here.

787
00:33:07.943 --> 00:33:09.342
You want to come French her?

788
00:33:09.344 --> 00:33:12.145
Yeah, you want to go do French
on your girlfriend, Dylan?

789
00:33:12.147 --> 00:33:14.446
SARA: Megan! Leave him alone.

790
00:33:14.448 --> 00:33:16.849
And where did you learn
"do French"?

791
00:33:16.851 --> 00:33:17.852
I'll go talk to him.

792
00:33:21.023 --> 00:33:23.559
Dylan? You okay, buddy?

793
00:33:25.126 --> 00:33:26.492
(SIGHS)

794
00:33:26.494 --> 00:33:29.430
I just... I don't get
the whole girls thing.

795
00:33:29.432 --> 00:33:30.597
Oh.

796
00:33:30.599 --> 00:33:33.232
Girls, yeah.
Yeah, that can be tricky.

797
00:33:33.234 --> 00:33:36.368
But you know who'd be really good
in explaining that department?

798
00:33:36.370 --> 00:33:37.704
Your dad. Let me go grab him.

799
00:33:37.706 --> 00:33:40.139
No, Brad! I just want to
talk to you about this.

800
00:33:40.141 --> 00:33:41.407
Just you, Brad, please?

801
00:33:41.409 --> 00:33:43.411
Me? You sure you don't want to
talk to your dad?

802
00:33:44.413 --> 00:33:46.846
Oh, well, girls. Okay.

803
00:33:46.848 --> 00:33:49.115
Huh. Um...

804
00:33:49.117 --> 00:33:50.319
All right, the girl talk.

805
00:33:51.520 --> 00:33:54.053
You know, boys have a...

806
00:33:54.055 --> 00:33:56.956
A dingle, right? And girls have
a hoo-hoo or a whim-wham.

807
00:33:56.958 --> 00:33:59.492
- Brad, I already know about that stuff.
- You do?

808
00:33:59.494 --> 00:34:01.595
- Yes. From school, and it's gross.
- Perfect!

809
00:34:01.597 --> 00:34:04.330
I just want to know what to do
if I, you know,

810
00:34:04.332 --> 00:34:05.765
I like somebody.

811
00:34:05.767 --> 00:34:06.768
Right, well...

812
00:34:07.735 --> 00:34:09.501
You want to become
her friend first.

813
00:34:09.503 --> 00:34:11.737
You want to be that one
that she confides in,

814
00:34:11.739 --> 00:34:13.607
that she tells you
about all of her problems

815
00:34:13.609 --> 00:34:15.308
with the guys
she's actually dating.

816
00:34:15.310 --> 00:34:16.409
Got it.

817
00:34:16.411 --> 00:34:17.643
It's called the Friend Zone.

818
00:34:17.645 --> 00:34:21.447
And it's where
we Whitaker men thrive.

819
00:34:21.449 --> 00:34:24.483
We're the best in the biz.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

820
00:34:24.485 --> 00:34:28.487
Here we are in a wild frontier,
full of majestic pines,

821
00:34:28.489 --> 00:34:30.324
and you two numb nuts are
sorting through

822
00:34:30.326 --> 00:34:32.826
a bunch of dried twigs
on a Rite Aid parking lot.

823
00:34:32.828 --> 00:34:34.960
You just can't go out on public
land and cut down a tree, Dad.

824
00:34:34.962 --> 00:34:38.030
Dusty, we are the public.
We own those trees.

825
00:34:38.032 --> 00:34:39.998
(SCOFFS)

826
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:42.869
Oh, I get it. You need to
ask co-dad for permission.

827
00:34:42.871 --> 00:34:44.971
Oh, shut up. I know what you're
trying to do.

828
00:34:44.973 --> 00:34:46.440
What am I doing?

829
00:34:46.442 --> 00:34:48.541
Make it look like I can't make a move
without checking in with Brad first.

830
00:34:48.543 --> 00:34:51.378
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Am I right about that?

831
00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:53.715
(CHUCKLING) Oh, God.

832
00:34:55.817 --> 00:34:56.782
(SCOFFS)

833
00:34:56.784 --> 00:34:59.786
BRAD: And we own the paint
in the Friend Zone.

834
00:34:59.788 --> 00:35:02.054
And sure we're gonna lose some.
Doesn't matter.

835
00:35:02.056 --> 00:35:04.123
We're gonna lose a lot,
I'll be frank with you.

836
00:35:04.125 --> 00:35:05.491
Well, what do you know?

837
00:35:05.493 --> 00:35:08.661
Brad's having that
nitty-gritty talk for you.

838
00:35:08.663 --> 00:35:11.797
Must be nice to have someone
to handle the tough stuff, huh?

839
00:35:11.799 --> 00:35:13.800
(SIGHS) And eventually
you'll keep in touch.

840
00:35:13.802 --> 00:35:16.469
You might even be invited to
their wedding!

841
00:35:16.471 --> 00:35:18.637
And their dad's like,
"Brad, what are you doing here?

842
00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:21.141
"Teresa never talks about you!"

843
00:35:21.143 --> 00:35:22.775
And you're like, "I'm invited."

844
00:35:22.777 --> 00:35:25.212
And he's, "I wonder about that."

845
00:35:25.214 --> 00:35:26.813
And you show them the proof!

846
00:35:26.815 --> 00:35:28.782
Always bring the wedding invite
with you.

847
00:35:28.784 --> 00:35:30.916
- Then they can't kick you out.
- Okay.

848
00:35:30.918 --> 00:35:34.387
But you'll be sad ultimately
knowing that she's not with you,

849
00:35:34.389 --> 00:35:37.956
and you want to prepare yourself
with, like, a mixtape of sad songs.

850
00:35:37.958 --> 00:35:41.460
Anything from Chicago
is usually pretty good.

851
00:35:41.462 --> 00:35:44.197
<i>♪ If you leave me now</i>

852
00:35:44.199 --> 00:35:48.402
<i>♪ You take away the biggest
part of me</i>

853
00:35:48.404 --> 00:35:50.302
I don't really know that song.

854
00:35:50.304 --> 00:35:54.109
<i>♪ Ooh-wee, no, baby, please
don't go ♪</i>

855
00:35:54.942 --> 00:35:57.744
Wait! No, no, no! Dylan,

856
00:35:57.746 --> 00:35:59.980
that is the worst advice
anyone could give you.

857
00:35:59.982 --> 00:36:01.114
Listen to your dad, please.

858
00:36:01.116 --> 00:36:03.282
It's okay, Dad.
We don't have to talk about it.

859
00:36:03.284 --> 00:36:05.284
No, no, buddy, buddy, wait,
wait, look!

860
00:36:05.286 --> 00:36:07.186
Hey, this stuff is all about
confidence.

861
00:36:07.188 --> 00:36:09.623
You just got to believe you're
the best she's ever gonna find.

862
00:36:09.625 --> 00:36:12.525
You believe that to your core, and
she will, too, I promise you.

863
00:36:12.527 --> 00:36:13.692
But what if she doesn't?

864
00:36:13.694 --> 00:36:16.161
Buddy, you can't be afraid
of rejection.

865
00:36:16.163 --> 00:36:17.396
You'll never find love

866
00:36:17.398 --> 00:36:19.264
if you're too scared to
put yourself out there.

867
00:36:19.266 --> 00:36:20.532
KURT: Hey, Goggles?

868
00:36:20.534 --> 00:36:21.867
Mistletoe is your ticket.

869
00:36:21.869 --> 00:36:24.438
You walk right up to her,
you dangle this over her head,

870
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:26.840
and then you slap your spaghetti
suckers right on her.

871
00:36:26.842 --> 00:36:28.273
I don't know if that's
appropriate.

872
00:36:28.275 --> 00:36:31.543
It's a time-honored holiday
tradition, Mr. War-On-Christmas.

873
00:36:31.545 --> 00:36:33.480
Then you give her a nice smack
on the caboose

874
00:36:33.482 --> 00:36:35.114
and tell her what a lucky girl
she is.

875
00:36:35.116 --> 00:36:37.183
- Don't listen to that part, all right?
- Yeah, don't listen to that part.

876
00:36:37.185 --> 00:36:38.585
Look at me. Look at me.

877
00:36:38.587 --> 00:36:39.985
You want to be like Brad
and be in the Friend Zone,

878
00:36:39.987 --> 00:36:41.554
or you wanna be Dad
and get in the end zone?

879
00:36:41.556 --> 00:36:43.288
This worked for me when I was
your age.

880
00:36:43.290 --> 00:36:44.626
You want to go for it, buddy?

881
00:36:46.161 --> 00:36:47.793
Come on, you can do this.

882
00:36:47.795 --> 00:36:53.002
<i>♪ A love like ours
is love that's hard to find</i>

883
00:36:56.003 --> 00:36:59.538
<i>♪ How could we let it
slip away? ♪</i>

884
00:36:59.540 --> 00:37:01.608
No! I like Brad's way more.

885
00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:04.547
I just want to be her friend
and listen to her problems!

886
00:37:12.388 --> 00:37:15.487
MEGAN: My tree, my tree,
my tree, my tree.

887
00:37:15.489 --> 00:37:16.655
My tree, my tree.

888
00:37:16.657 --> 00:37:17.724
Can I yell "Timber"?

889
00:37:17.726 --> 00:37:19.893
- Sure can, sweetheart.
- Yay!

890
00:37:19.895 --> 00:37:20.994
DON: Is this okay?

891
00:37:20.996 --> 00:37:23.563
Are any of these trees
even gonna fit in the cabin?

892
00:37:23.565 --> 00:37:25.331
We're gonna cut off
the top 25 feet

893
00:37:25.333 --> 00:37:27.433
and chop the rest up for
firewood, Don.

894
00:37:27.435 --> 00:37:28.601
Oh.

895
00:37:28.603 --> 00:37:30.570
Now, this is the Duster Buster
I remember.

896
00:37:30.572 --> 00:37:34.507
A certified badass
that makes his own rules!

897
00:37:34.509 --> 00:37:36.712
Go find a good tree, would you?

898
00:37:37.645 --> 00:37:40.045
Boy, I don't know about this,
Kurt.

899
00:37:40.047 --> 00:37:42.782
Isn't it illegal to harvest
a tree from public lands?

900
00:37:42.784 --> 00:37:44.884
Oh, hell, yeah.
It's a federal crime.

901
00:37:44.886 --> 00:37:48.087
I tried to talk him out of it, but you
know how stubborn that kid can be.

902
00:37:48.089 --> 00:37:49.755
Okay.

903
00:37:49.757 --> 00:37:53.092
Dusty, look, I know you're upset
about Dylan, but I just...

904
00:37:53.094 --> 00:37:56.228
I told you, Brad, I'm not upset,
all right? We're co-dads!

905
00:37:56.230 --> 00:37:59.032
If he prefers your terrible
advice, fine, I'm cool with that.

906
00:37:59.034 --> 00:38:01.300
I just want to find the perfect
Together Christmas tree.

907
00:38:01.302 --> 00:38:03.203
Well, I just don't know if
it's the best choice, you know?

908
00:38:03.205 --> 00:38:07.172
Well, maybe we're not always gonna
do everything your way every time.

909
00:38:07.174 --> 00:38:08.375
Trouble in paradise, fellas?

910
00:38:08.377 --> 00:38:10.913
- No, we're picking a tree.
- Just having a conversation.

911
00:38:11.647 --> 00:38:13.648
MEGAN AND DYLAN: El Padre!

912
00:38:13.982 --> 00:38:15.047
Lookit!

913
00:38:15.049 --> 00:38:17.683
Hey, what, kids?
What, you find a dead squirrel?

914
00:38:17.685 --> 00:38:19.386
We don't have to
do things my way.

915
00:38:19.388 --> 00:38:20.453
- Really?
- Yeah.

916
00:38:20.455 --> 00:38:22.054
What about baseball snack?

917
00:38:22.056 --> 00:38:23.790
I just wanted to give out Fruit
Roll-Ups, and what's the big deal?

918
00:38:23.792 --> 00:38:26.393
No, I just feel like organic
fruit is much more nutritious

919
00:38:26.395 --> 00:38:27.728
than its rolled-up counterpart.

920
00:38:27.730 --> 00:38:29.429
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

921
00:38:29.431 --> 00:38:31.431
And what about Megan's diorama? You
didn't want to use any of my ideas.

922
00:38:31.433 --> 00:38:32.831
Your only idea was
the Bay of Pigs!

923
00:38:32.833 --> 00:38:34.567
But it's an important event
in our nation's history!

924
00:38:34.569 --> 00:38:36.203
It was bloody.

925
00:38:36.205 --> 00:38:38.337
You wanted her to do green energy
so you could look Mr. Perfect Dad.

926
00:38:38.339 --> 00:38:40.806
- I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.
- You act like Mr. Perfect Dad.

927
00:38:40.808 --> 00:38:42.007
I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.

928
00:38:42.009 --> 00:38:43.442
And we don't have to do things
my way.

929
00:38:43.444 --> 00:38:45.147
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

930
00:38:46.748 --> 00:38:49.248
Okay. You don't think I can
operate a chainsaw, do you?

931
00:38:49.250 --> 00:38:53.085
Guess who got his woodlands
management badge in Webelos.

932
00:38:53.087 --> 00:38:55.621
I did! Brad Whitaker.

933
00:38:55.623 --> 00:38:56.922
(CLEARS THROAT)

934
00:38:56.924 --> 00:38:58.224
Ah!

935
00:38:58.226 --> 00:39:02.164
Dusty, look at this one.
Perfectly symmetrical.

936
00:39:02.563 --> 00:39:03.799
Okay.

937
00:39:06.969 --> 00:39:08.400
Oh, yeah.

938
00:39:08.402 --> 00:39:10.270
Keep an eye out for rangers!

939
00:39:10.272 --> 00:39:14.507
I've got to pinpoint
a 60 degree angle top cut.

940
00:39:14.509 --> 00:39:17.012
That's what I'm gonna do first.

941
00:39:18.413 --> 00:39:20.315
Oh, yeah!
She's cutting like butter!

942
00:39:21.616 --> 00:39:23.719
Hey, Brad, isn't that a...

943
00:39:27.489 --> 00:39:29.657
- (TREE CRACKING)
- (CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

944
00:39:33.427 --> 00:39:34.663
Hold it, hold it!

945
00:39:35.563 --> 00:39:37.199
MEGAN: Timber!

946
00:39:39.168 --> 00:39:41.668
(LAUGHS) Wow!

947
00:39:41.670 --> 00:39:44.070
Brad, you cut down
a cell phone tower.

948
00:39:44.072 --> 00:39:46.072
Why'd you cut down
a cell phone tower?

949
00:39:46.074 --> 00:39:48.174
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- No bars? No bars?

950
00:39:48.176 --> 00:39:49.777
(SCREAMS)

951
00:39:50.878 --> 00:39:52.378
- KURT: That was excellent!
- Get up.

952
00:39:52.380 --> 00:39:54.512
- You really stuck that landing, man.
- Would you get up?

953
00:39:54.514 --> 00:39:56.282
I'd give you a 9.2 on my card.

954
00:39:56.284 --> 00:39:58.751
- Brad, get up.
- I think Brad's dead again.

955
00:39:58.753 --> 00:40:00.853
Man, you killed
the poor bastard!

956
00:40:00.855 --> 00:40:02.288
Brad, don't go into the light!

957
00:40:02.290 --> 00:40:04.857
It's okay, sweetheart.
El Padre will bring him back.

958
00:40:04.859 --> 00:40:06.525
- Stand clear.
- I got it, all right?

959
00:40:06.527 --> 00:40:08.126
It's your fault
we're even out here.

960
00:40:08.128 --> 00:40:10.230
You're getting in our heads and
starting static between me and Brad.

961
00:40:10.232 --> 00:40:12.898
(SCOFFS) There's plenty of static
between you and Brad already.

962
00:40:12.900 --> 00:40:15.668
And you know what? Deep down,
you want him dead, don't you?

963
00:40:15.670 --> 00:40:17.003
You can say it.

964
00:40:17.005 --> 00:40:19.072
We all want him dead. I want him dead.
Everybody does.

965
00:40:19.074 --> 00:40:20.540
- What?
- Come on, admit it.

966
00:40:20.542 --> 00:40:23.041
Why don't you admit why you
invited yourself to Christmas?

967
00:40:23.043 --> 00:40:24.576
Well, why don't you tell me,
smart guy?

968
00:40:24.578 --> 00:40:26.112
'Cause you knew I was back here
trying to be a good dad,

969
00:40:26.114 --> 00:40:28.246
be around for my kids
the way you never were for me.

970
00:40:28.248 --> 00:40:30.250
That's why you want to crap all
over it.

971
00:40:30.252 --> 00:40:31.654
- Get up, Brad!
- (GASPS)

972
00:40:32.987 --> 00:40:34.520
Oh, my God, what happened?

973
00:40:34.522 --> 00:40:36.355
You cut down
a cell phone tower, Brad.

974
00:40:36.357 --> 00:40:37.791
You know, you're right.

975
00:40:37.793 --> 00:40:39.294
I did invite myself
to Christmas.

976
00:40:40.427 --> 00:40:41.864
But that's because you never do.

977
00:40:43.098 --> 00:40:44.630
(BRAD GROANS)

978
00:40:44.632 --> 00:40:46.799
I feel like I died again.
Did I die again?

979
00:40:46.801 --> 00:40:48.237
A little bit. Come on.

980
00:40:51.906 --> 00:40:53.840
Okay. Our report's
all squared away.

981
00:40:53.842 --> 00:40:55.574
Yimmy, Bill,
thank you guys so much

982
00:40:55.576 --> 00:40:57.076
for the understanding.
We really appreciate it.

983
00:40:57.078 --> 00:40:59.545
BRAD: I'm so sorry.
I'm truly embarrassed.

984
00:40:59.547 --> 00:41:01.681
BILL: No, hey.
It was an honest mistake.

985
00:41:01.683 --> 00:41:03.181
YIMMY: Okay, you're all set.

986
00:41:03.183 --> 00:41:05.886
BILL: Okay, We'd better get back
to the site and lock it down.

987
00:41:05.888 --> 00:41:08.688
Hold on one second.

988
00:41:08.690 --> 00:41:11.724
Is there any way
we could do better than $20,000?

989
00:41:11.726 --> 00:41:14.293
Can't you reuse some
of the antenna equipment?

990
00:41:14.295 --> 00:41:17.896
Sorry, no. These old 4G units
are obsolete already.

991
00:41:17.898 --> 00:41:19.866
That's why you're getting
this one so cheap!

992
00:41:19.868 --> 00:41:21.768
- It looks really nice, though.
- It sure does.

993
00:41:21.770 --> 00:41:24.503
Hey, guys, keep it up, it looks
great. Happy Holidays.

994
00:41:24.505 --> 00:41:26.038
Happy Christmas, guys. Thanks.

995
00:41:26.040 --> 00:41:29.375
Please tell me you did not just
spend $20,000 on a Christmas tree?

996
00:41:29.377 --> 00:41:32.114
Twenty thousand dollars.
"Can you hear me now?"

997
00:41:33.248 --> 00:41:34.483
You want some eggnog?

998
00:41:37.485 --> 00:41:39.451
- Mmm. Yummy.
- Hey!

999
00:41:39.453 --> 00:41:40.987
- I want some!
- Me, too!

1000
00:41:40.989 --> 00:41:42.788
Now, girls,
that's a grown-up drink.

1001
00:41:42.790 --> 00:41:44.757
Yes. Thank you, Karen.

1002
00:41:44.759 --> 00:41:46.525
So we're only gonna have one.

1003
00:41:46.527 --> 00:41:47.793
SARA: What? No, no, no!

1004
00:41:47.795 --> 00:41:49.798
There's rum in there,
so not any.

1005
00:41:50.165 --> 00:41:51.166
BOTH: Aw!

1006
00:41:52.801 --> 00:41:54.634
Are you writing about me?

1007
00:41:54.636 --> 00:41:56.136
All right. Somebody want
to plug her in?

1008
00:41:56.138 --> 00:41:57.339
Yeah, I got it.

1009
00:41:59.239 --> 00:42:00.375
DYLAN: Cool!

1010
00:42:01.476 --> 00:42:03.045
That's weird.

1011
00:42:05.746 --> 00:42:06.949
DYLAN: Wow!

1012
00:42:22.663 --> 00:42:23.965
What do you think?

1013
00:42:25.299 --> 00:42:26.632
It's so pretty.

1014
00:42:26.634 --> 00:42:29.168
Well, it ought to be
at 1,200 bucks a foot.

1015
00:42:29.170 --> 00:42:31.469
Dad, we're lighting the tree!

1016
00:42:31.471 --> 00:42:32.505
Where's my dad?

1017
00:42:32.507 --> 00:42:34.607
Yeah, I thought it was
a little quiet around here.

1018
00:42:34.609 --> 00:42:36.175
- Pop-Pop?
- Don?

1019
00:42:36.177 --> 00:42:37.212
Pop-Pop?

1020
00:42:38.346 --> 00:42:39.815
Is he still outside?

1021
00:42:42.817 --> 00:42:44.852
BRAD: Dad!

1022
00:42:45.619 --> 00:42:47.089
Dad?

1023
00:42:48.123 --> 00:42:49.191
Dad?

1024
00:42:49.757 --> 00:42:51.391
DON: Brad!

1025
00:42:51.393 --> 00:42:53.159
Dad! Where are you?

1026
00:42:53.161 --> 00:42:55.628
- I found him! Where are you?
- DON: I don't know.

1027
00:42:55.630 --> 00:42:57.529
- Are you hurt?
- DON: Oh, no, no!

1028
00:42:57.531 --> 00:43:00.433
No, I just can't quite get up.

1029
00:43:00.435 --> 00:43:01.866
(PANTING) Oh!

1030
00:43:01.868 --> 00:43:03.503
Dad, don't move.

1031
00:43:03.505 --> 00:43:05.337
There's a pack of wolves on you.

1032
00:43:05.339 --> 00:43:07.239
- DON: Is that what it is?
- Yeah.

1033
00:43:07.241 --> 00:43:09.507
I can feel something
tugging at my trousers.

1034
00:43:09.509 --> 00:43:12.279
- What color are they, Brad?
- They're gray wolves.

1035
00:43:12.281 --> 00:43:14.480
DON: That'll be <i>Canis lupus.</i>
They're dangerous.

1036
00:43:14.482 --> 00:43:17.049
BRAD: Really? They look like you
could just reach out and pet them.

1037
00:43:17.051 --> 00:43:18.451
I kind of want to pet them, Dad.

1038
00:43:18.453 --> 00:43:21.221
Now, Brad. Don't make eye
contact with the alpha wolf.

1039
00:43:21.223 --> 00:43:23.688
I already did!
Right in the eyes.

1040
00:43:23.690 --> 00:43:25.190
DON: Don't show any fear.

1041
00:43:25.192 --> 00:43:27.293
I don't want to watch the wolves
eat you!

1042
00:43:27.295 --> 00:43:29.496
DON: Breathe deep
and pull yourself together.

1043
00:43:29.498 --> 00:43:31.030
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1044
00:43:31.032 --> 00:43:32.034
Hut!

1045
00:43:34.235 --> 00:43:36.034
Hut! Hurt!

1046
00:43:36.036 --> 00:43:37.804
Are you saying "hut" or "hurt"?

1047
00:43:37.806 --> 00:43:39.304
Dad, what happened?

1048
00:43:39.306 --> 00:43:42.608
You know, I saw the nicest tree
a ways off,

1049
00:43:42.610 --> 00:43:44.710
and I got a little off course.

1050
00:43:44.712 --> 00:43:47.813
I tried to call you, but all of
a sudden my signal dropped!

1051
00:43:47.815 --> 00:43:48.880
Really?

1052
00:43:48.882 --> 00:43:50.116
I tried to find my way back,

1053
00:43:50.118 --> 00:43:53.085
but at some point I lost
consciousness.

1054
00:43:53.087 --> 00:43:56.556
That's about when the wolves
must have come across me.

1055
00:43:56.558 --> 00:43:57.790
It's all right, fellas.

1056
00:43:57.792 --> 00:43:59.927
You didn't have to go to any
trouble. It's all good.

1057
00:44:05.799 --> 00:44:08.833
I'm sorry for all the hugs.

1058
00:44:08.835 --> 00:44:10.302
I kind of don't want to let go.

1059
00:44:10.304 --> 00:44:13.505
I almost thought I'd lost you
out there to those nasty wolves.

1060
00:44:13.507 --> 00:44:15.474
Do you have any idea
how much I love you?

1061
00:44:15.476 --> 00:44:19.045
Well, of course I do.
You tweet about it every day.

1062
00:44:19.047 --> 00:44:21.715
You know how much I love you,
too, don't you?

1063
00:44:21.717 --> 00:44:24.319
- Your answer is right in here.
- (GASPS)

1064
00:44:24.987 --> 00:44:26.518
I can see it!

1065
00:44:26.520 --> 00:44:27.753
(SCOFFS)

1066
00:44:27.755 --> 00:44:30.090
Okay, now that everyone is
accounted for,

1067
00:44:30.092 --> 00:44:33.826
can we please talk about who is
paying for that monstrosity?

1068
00:44:33.828 --> 00:44:36.695
Well, you know, it was Dusty's
idea to cut down the tree.

1069
00:44:36.697 --> 00:44:39.364
Yeah, and it was your idea to cut
down the cell phone tower, Brad.

1070
00:44:39.366 --> 00:44:41.699
Great, so as per usual
we get stuck paying.

1071
00:44:41.701 --> 00:44:44.070
- Wait, what does that mean?
- I think it's a nice tree.

1072
00:44:44.072 --> 00:44:46.038
I don't know. Dylan's retainer?
Megan's flute?

1073
00:44:46.040 --> 00:44:48.074
What about Tae Kwon Do
that you signed them up for

1074
00:44:48.076 --> 00:44:49.407
and didn't even ask us about?

1075
00:44:49.409 --> 00:44:51.978
Yes, and who paid for the trip
to the aquarium last week?

1076
00:44:51.980 --> 00:44:53.212
It's a really nice tree.

1077
00:44:53.214 --> 00:44:54.947
So now we're keeping score, huh?

1078
00:44:54.949 --> 00:44:57.016
Well, who paid for the parking and
bought each one of them a blowup orca?

1079
00:44:57.018 --> 00:44:59.152
After we told them they
couldn't have a blowup orca!

1080
00:44:59.154 --> 00:45:01.353
Yeah, because you were too cheap
to buy them a blowup orca!

1081
00:45:01.355 --> 00:45:03.755
Who crushed my car with a snow
blower? You did, Brad.

1082
00:45:03.757 --> 00:45:05.056
Who crushed my car
with a motorcycle?

1083
00:45:05.058 --> 00:45:06.391
Hello! You again!

1084
00:45:06.393 --> 00:45:07.259
DON: Hey!

1085
00:45:07.261 --> 00:45:08.726
It's a beautiful tree!

1086
00:45:08.728 --> 00:45:11.230
It's beautiful, all right?

1087
00:45:11.232 --> 00:45:13.502
BRAD: Okay, yeah. Dad's right.

1088
00:45:14.502 --> 00:45:16.103
It's a beautiful tree.

1089
00:45:17.871 --> 00:45:19.739
KURT: Whoa!

1090
00:45:19.741 --> 00:45:22.708
Don, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm
gonna be able to save the foot.

1091
00:45:22.710 --> 00:45:23.909
Yeah, that baby's coming off.

1092
00:45:23.911 --> 00:45:25.811
I'll need some morphine
and a bread knife.

1093
00:45:25.813 --> 00:45:27.179
Brad, hold him down.

1094
00:45:27.181 --> 00:45:29.315
(LAUGHS) Oh, no.
That's just my feet.

1095
00:45:29.317 --> 00:45:31.382
It's the mail carrier's curse.

1096
00:45:31.384 --> 00:45:33.719
Back when I used to
sleep with your mom,

1097
00:45:33.721 --> 00:45:38.224
I once scratched her leg so bad
with a piece of rogue heel skin,

1098
00:45:38.226 --> 00:45:39.893
it actually drew blood.

1099
00:45:39.895 --> 00:45:42.297
What do you mean,
used to sleep with Ginny?

1100
00:45:42.596 --> 00:45:44.295
What?

1101
00:45:44.297 --> 00:45:47.366
Oh. We sleep
in separate bedrooms.

1102
00:45:47.368 --> 00:45:50.503
You know how badly I snore,
Brad.

1103
00:45:50.505 --> 00:45:52.471
Boy, that is inspiring!

1104
00:45:52.473 --> 00:45:56.544
You know? The way you're always so
considerate to the other person.

1105
00:45:57.279 --> 00:45:58.944
KURT: Ugh.

1106
00:45:58.946 --> 00:46:01.148
I really want to take
this foot off.

1107
00:46:01.650 --> 00:46:02.651
(SNORING)

1108
00:46:10.458 --> 00:46:11.657
DUSTY: Hey, sweetie.

1109
00:46:11.659 --> 00:46:13.192
You know, you might want to
close your window.

1110
00:46:13.194 --> 00:46:14.661
You know, since it's winter?

1111
00:46:14.663 --> 00:46:16.029
You're not my dad.

1112
00:46:16.031 --> 00:46:18.364
You know, I appreciate you reminding
me of that every few hours.

1113
00:46:18.366 --> 00:46:19.665
But, you know,
we're not the only people here,

1114
00:46:19.667 --> 00:46:22.501
so maybe we set the thermostat
to like 75?

1115
00:46:22.503 --> 00:46:24.704
I mean, that's still really
toasty, right?

1116
00:46:24.706 --> 00:46:25.737
85.

1117
00:46:25.739 --> 00:46:28.940
Okay, well, what if I counter
you at like 78?

1118
00:46:28.942 --> 00:46:31.476
And then you negotiate with me,
you come back at like 83,

1119
00:46:31.478 --> 00:46:33.145
and then maybe we settle
at like 80.

1120
00:46:33.147 --> 00:46:34.846
- What do you say to that?
- 81.

1121
00:46:34.848 --> 00:46:36.315
Deal!

1122
00:46:36.317 --> 00:46:38.717
Look at that. The two of us
are starting to see eye to eye.

1123
00:46:38.719 --> 00:46:40.353
Thank you, sweetie.

1124
00:46:40.355 --> 00:46:41.621
Thank God.

1125
00:46:41.623 --> 00:46:44.590
There's Brad with some makeup
cocoa for being such a jerk.

1126
00:46:44.592 --> 00:46:46.159
Thank you.

1127
00:46:46.161 --> 00:46:48.795
- Brad! What are you doing?
- (GROANS) Oh, God.

1128
00:46:48.797 --> 00:46:50.063
(SCREAMS)

1129
00:46:50.065 --> 00:46:51.931
- Why would you do that?
- Look what you made me do!

1130
00:46:51.933 --> 00:46:53.366
- I didn't do anything.
- I didn't make you do it!

1131
00:46:53.368 --> 00:46:54.666
I thought you were bringing me
hot makeup cocoa

1132
00:46:54.668 --> 00:46:56.134
and you just, like,
threw it all over yourself.

1133
00:46:56.136 --> 00:46:57.436
You almost burned me, Brad!

1134
00:46:57.438 --> 00:46:59.672
- I wasn't bringing you makeup cocoa.
- Why not?

1135
00:46:59.674 --> 00:47:01.407
I would've said, "Here, bud,
here's some makeup cocoa."

1136
00:47:01.409 --> 00:47:03.576
- I've been waiting for my makeup cocoa.
- I didn't know that!

1137
00:47:03.578 --> 00:47:06.148
If I knew you wanted makeup
cocoa, I would've...

1138
00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:07.614
81!

1139
00:47:07.616 --> 00:47:08.547
No, no, don't touch that!

1140
00:47:08.549 --> 00:47:09.715
I talked her down
from the high 80s.

1141
00:47:09.717 --> 00:47:11.483
I'm making progress with her.
This is good.

1142
00:47:11.485 --> 00:47:12.918
I thought you had
your house in order.

1143
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:14.154
Look, don't you see?

1144
00:47:14.156 --> 00:47:15.554
We're doing exactly
what he wants.

1145
00:47:15.556 --> 00:47:16.855
We're letting things
out of the harbor!

1146
00:47:16.857 --> 00:47:18.157
- So you are harboring.
- Of course I'm harboring!

1147
00:47:18.159 --> 00:47:19.491
And so are you.

1148
00:47:19.493 --> 00:47:21.594
Harboring was working just fine
before he showed up.

1149
00:47:21.596 --> 00:47:23.195
Let's get everything
back in the harbor

1150
00:47:23.197 --> 00:47:25.764
and let's harbor it all back
in and close up the harbor.

1151
00:47:25.766 --> 00:47:26.933
I don't know if I can!

1152
00:47:26.935 --> 00:47:28.800
Remember you said let's put the
focus back on the kids?

1153
00:47:28.802 --> 00:47:30.471
That was a great idea!

1154
00:47:31.404 --> 00:47:34.672
- Fine. Harbor's closed.
- Good.

1155
00:47:34.674 --> 00:47:36.742
But we're going halfsies
on the cell tower.

1156
00:47:36.744 --> 00:47:38.545
Fine, halfsies
on the cell tower.

1157
00:47:38.547 --> 00:47:40.215
Brad, are you okay?

1158
00:47:41.616 --> 00:47:42.648
Yeah.

1159
00:47:42.650 --> 00:47:45.217
- Did you make tee-tee in bed?
- No, it's cocoa.

1160
00:47:45.219 --> 00:47:47.186
Did your cocoa make you tee-tee
in bed?

1161
00:47:47.188 --> 00:47:48.753
You're sleepwalking.
Go back to sleep.

1162
00:47:48.755 --> 00:47:51.525
The big boy doesn't
have to be embarrassed.

1163
00:47:54.027 --> 00:47:56.098
How would I pee upwards?

1164
00:47:57.766 --> 00:47:59.634
(ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING)

1165
00:48:00.601 --> 00:48:01.869
7 and a half. 13.

1166
00:48:08.042 --> 00:48:09.244
(EXCLAIMS)

1167
00:48:10.177 --> 00:48:11.311
- Pretty good.
- Yeah.

1168
00:48:11.313 --> 00:48:12.478
Better than before.

1169
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:14.182
Yeah, the skip was really cool.

1170
00:48:15.616 --> 00:48:18.418
Hey. Do you mind?
Bowler's etiquette.

1171
00:48:18.420 --> 00:48:20.451
- What do you mean?
- It means you're crowding me.

1172
00:48:20.453 --> 00:48:22.356
What? You can't bowl
with me here?

1173
00:48:26.060 --> 00:48:27.328
That sounded like a strike.

1174
00:48:33.768 --> 00:48:35.237
How's your hearing?

1175
00:48:36.371 --> 00:48:38.438
- Dylan, come on, buddy, you're up!
- All right.

1176
00:48:38.440 --> 00:48:41.273
Let's go. Hey, come on.
You can do this, okay?

1177
00:48:41.275 --> 00:48:43.942
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's with the kiddie stuff?

1178
00:48:43.944 --> 00:48:45.244
- What? The rails?
- Yeah.

1179
00:48:45.246 --> 00:48:47.045
It's how the kids
learn how to bowl, Dad.

1180
00:48:47.047 --> 00:48:48.915
You learn by fearing the gutter.

1181
00:48:48.917 --> 00:48:50.616
Like in life, Dusty.

1182
00:48:50.618 --> 00:48:54.286
Now, Kurt. The rails help a young
bowler build a positive self-image.

1183
00:48:54.288 --> 00:48:57.255
Dylan, come here.

1184
00:48:57.257 --> 00:48:59.190
Do you want to bowl
with those sissy rails up,

1185
00:48:59.192 --> 00:49:01.595
or do you want to stand
and bowl like a man?

1186
00:49:02.864 --> 00:49:04.163
I don't need the rails,
I guess.

1187
00:49:04.165 --> 00:49:05.463
Attaboy! I'm proud of you, kid.

1188
00:49:05.465 --> 00:49:07.366
Hey, I'm proud of you too,
big guy, all right?

1189
00:49:07.368 --> 00:49:09.302
BRAD: Dylan's going
without the rails.

1190
00:49:09.304 --> 00:49:11.770
(GASPS) No rails?
Whoo! All right, Dylan!

1191
00:49:11.772 --> 00:49:14.105
BRAD: Don't be afraid
to release it high.

1192
00:49:14.107 --> 00:49:15.376
Here we go.

1193
00:49:16.310 --> 00:49:17.944
BRAD: Good try.

1194
00:49:17.946 --> 00:49:20.445
When he's up there with the tears and
"I suck at everything" business,

1195
00:49:20.447 --> 00:49:22.280
that's on you, Mr. School of
Hard Knocks.

1196
00:49:22.282 --> 00:49:23.882
Hey, better than him
living in your basement

1197
00:49:23.884 --> 00:49:25.453
in 20 years, Mr. Sissy Rails.

1198
00:49:29.424 --> 00:49:30.889
Come on, buddy.
Give it another shot.

1199
00:49:30.891 --> 00:49:32.927
Okay. New start, new beginning.
Here we go.

1200
00:49:33.860 --> 00:49:34.862
(GRUNTS)

1201
00:49:35.830 --> 00:49:37.498
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1202
00:49:38.132 --> 00:49:39.433
Yay!

1203
00:49:40.902 --> 00:49:42.270
- Oh, yeah.
- (WHOOPS)

1204
00:49:48.141 --> 00:49:49.344
(GRUNTS)

1205
00:49:53.114 --> 00:49:55.681
Are we certain he understands
the game?

1206
00:49:55.683 --> 00:49:58.284
He seems to almost be
trying to put it in the gutter.

1207
00:49:58.286 --> 00:49:59.955
I know. He needs to get
more height on the ball.

1208
00:50:10.163 --> 00:50:11.366
(GRUNTS)

1209
00:50:15.668 --> 00:50:18.639
I hate this frickin' game!
It's so frickin' stupid!

1210
00:50:20.206 --> 00:50:21.773
Hey, everybody, check it out!

1211
00:50:21.775 --> 00:50:23.808
This kid's about to bowl
a perfect zero.

1212
00:50:23.810 --> 00:50:24.812
Hey, mind your business!

1213
00:50:26.913 --> 00:50:29.213
Hey, how do you think this is gonna
make him feel about himself?

1214
00:50:29.215 --> 00:50:31.083
Well, this is character
building.

1215
00:50:31.085 --> 00:50:33.085
Even the ridicule.

1216
00:50:33.087 --> 00:50:34.721
- Come on, bud.
- Come on, Dylan!

1217
00:50:34.723 --> 00:50:37.021
- (CROWD GASPS)
- It's okay.

1218
00:50:37.023 --> 00:50:38.891
I suck at everything!

1219
00:50:38.893 --> 00:50:40.962
I quit, I quit!

1220
00:50:41.763 --> 00:50:44.366
Hey. Hey, kid, listen.

1221
00:50:46.134 --> 00:50:49.302
We Mayron men might not always
show up.

1222
00:50:49.304 --> 00:50:51.369
I mean, we want to show up,
we intend to,

1223
00:50:51.371 --> 00:50:53.371
but sometimes,
we get trashed the night before,

1224
00:50:53.373 --> 00:50:54.840
or we wreck a speedboat,

1225
00:50:54.842 --> 00:50:57.576
or hook up with
some Emirates flight attendants

1226
00:50:57.578 --> 00:51:00.581
and somehow end up on a redeye
to Dubai.

1227
00:51:01.148 --> 00:51:02.648
You know what I mean.

1228
00:51:02.650 --> 00:51:04.683
The point is, we may not always
show up,

1229
00:51:04.685 --> 00:51:07.719
but when we do, we finish what
we start.

1230
00:51:07.721 --> 00:51:09.990
Now you get up there and grab
those balls.

1231
00:51:15.529 --> 00:51:16.831
DUSTY: Come on, you got this.

1232
00:51:20.701 --> 00:51:21.703
(CROWD CHEERING)

1233
00:51:25.605 --> 00:51:27.105
Go, bro!

1234
00:51:27.107 --> 00:51:28.976
I'll take that.

1235
00:51:29.743 --> 00:51:30.844
I'll cover that.

1236
00:51:33.281 --> 00:51:34.849
Come on, honey!

1237
00:51:35.884 --> 00:51:37.918
- Come on, buddy.
- You can do it, kid.

1238
00:51:50.732 --> 00:51:52.333
Please. Please.

1239
00:52:04.311 --> 00:52:06.413
(ALL CHEERING)

1240
00:52:08.382 --> 00:52:09.584
Whoo! I did it!

1241
00:52:11.886 --> 00:52:14.286
Thanks for believing in me,
El Padre!

1242
00:52:14.288 --> 00:52:17.125
You bet, buddy! I knew you had
it in you!

1243
00:52:19.159 --> 00:52:21.696
You're a winner!
You're a winner!

1244
00:52:23.697 --> 00:52:24.699
I did it!

1245
00:52:28.469 --> 00:52:30.538
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1246
00:52:32.440 --> 00:52:33.706
Hey, where were you guys?

1247
00:52:33.708 --> 00:52:35.074
We're almost at
the front of the line here.

1248
00:52:35.076 --> 00:52:37.775
We were at the Starbucks
checking out the local talent.

1249
00:52:37.777 --> 00:52:40.279
Cute little number at the next
table was giving this one the eye.

1250
00:52:40.281 --> 00:52:43.215
And El Padre got a phone number
from the lady who made the coffees.

1251
00:52:43.217 --> 00:52:44.916
We got free ones!

1252
00:52:44.918 --> 00:52:45.920
(KURT CHUCKLES)

1253
00:52:46.888 --> 00:52:49.855
- I drink coffee now.
- What? Get in here.

1254
00:52:49.857 --> 00:52:50.857
Big jump!

1255
00:52:50.859 --> 00:52:53.358
SANTA:
Welcome to the North Pole!

1256
00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:56.061
(GUNFIRE ON IPAD)

1257
00:52:56.063 --> 00:52:58.931
Hey, honey, are you sure you don't
want to go see Santa with the boys?

1258
00:52:58.933 --> 00:53:00.534
You were so excited.

1259
00:53:02.270 --> 00:53:04.572
Mom, Santa is so lame.

1260
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:07.708
- Come on.
- He can hear you, you know!

1261
00:53:09.409 --> 00:53:11.876
You know, I'm sorry...

1262
00:53:11.878 --> 00:53:15.348
My daughter thinks that
your daughter is amazing.

1263
00:53:15.350 --> 00:53:17.118
Oh, that's sweet.

1264
00:53:18.351 --> 00:53:20.453
Which is cute, you're right,

1265
00:53:20.455 --> 00:53:22.954
but sometimes when Adrianna
does certain things,

1266
00:53:22.956 --> 00:53:25.993
then Megan thinks that it's okay
to do it because you said that...

1267
00:53:31.197 --> 00:53:32.931
Oh, my God.

1268
00:53:32.933 --> 00:53:34.699
Are you really stealing
right now?

1269
00:53:34.701 --> 00:53:36.500
Sometimes I shoplift
a little bit.

1270
00:53:36.502 --> 00:53:38.804
It's exciting!

1271
00:53:38.806 --> 00:53:41.607
No! I mean... Okay, yeah,
it's a little exciting.

1272
00:53:41.609 --> 00:53:43.507
My heart's really beating
out of my chest.

1273
00:53:43.509 --> 00:53:45.643
What if we get caught?
You got to put it back!

1274
00:53:45.645 --> 00:53:46.878
You're so obedient.

1275
00:53:46.880 --> 00:53:48.780
You're always following
the rules, you know.

1276
00:53:48.782 --> 00:53:49.681
Come on, Sara.

1277
00:53:49.683 --> 00:53:51.150
Have a little fun with me.
Relax.

1278
00:53:51.152 --> 00:53:53.186
I mean, I would love
to have a little fun with you,

1279
00:53:53.188 --> 00:53:55.820
but I just want you to know,
I am not obedient, okay?

1280
00:53:55.822 --> 00:53:58.456
- Then put this in your pants.
- No. No, thank you.

1281
00:53:58.458 --> 00:54:00.726
And don't touch my boobs.
It's weird.

1282
00:54:00.728 --> 00:54:03.329
Stop it!
I'm not going to shoplift!

1283
00:54:03.331 --> 00:54:05.297
- Why not?
- Because...

1284
00:54:05.299 --> 00:54:07.366
Because you're about to see why.

1285
00:54:07.368 --> 00:54:08.967
- Pardon me, miss?
- Yes?

1286
00:54:08.969 --> 00:54:11.136
- Is this woman bothering you?
- What?

1287
00:54:11.138 --> 00:54:15.007
She's a little judgmental,
but she's fine. Thank you.

1288
00:54:15.009 --> 00:54:16.543
No worries.

1289
00:54:24.185 --> 00:54:25.784
Welcome to the North Pole!

1290
00:54:25.786 --> 00:54:27.953
And what do you want for
Christmas?

1291
00:54:27.955 --> 00:54:28.956
(SQUEALING)

1292
00:54:34.228 --> 00:54:35.661
Oh, I didn't miss it. Hi!

1293
00:54:35.663 --> 00:54:37.929
Right there.
This is a great shot.

1294
00:54:37.931 --> 00:54:40.465
- Are you getting it, honey?
- Yeah, I got a good one.

1295
00:54:40.467 --> 00:54:41.836
That's a great shot.

1296
00:54:42.402 --> 00:54:43.501
BRAD: Thank you, Santa.

1297
00:54:43.503 --> 00:54:44.837
- SANTA: You're welcome!
- Hi, honey.

1298
00:54:44.839 --> 00:54:46.337
What about you, big brother?

1299
00:54:46.339 --> 00:54:49.074
I'm sure you've been good.
What's on your list?

1300
00:54:49.076 --> 00:54:51.110
DYLAN: I kind of want

1301
00:54:51.112 --> 00:54:52.511
a 20-gauge shotgun,

1302
00:54:52.513 --> 00:54:54.246
so I can go turkey hunting
with my El Padre!

1303
00:54:54.248 --> 00:54:55.913
What the heck?
Where'd he come up with that?

1304
00:54:55.915 --> 00:54:57.148
Did he just ask for a firearm?

1305
00:54:57.150 --> 00:54:59.317
Sure did! 20-gauge. Kid knows
his guns.

1306
00:54:59.319 --> 00:55:01.152
Kurt, we've already been through
this. Dusty and I...

1307
00:55:01.154 --> 00:55:03.154
Yeah, it is final. That's it.
It's not happening.

1308
00:55:03.156 --> 00:55:05.324
Really? Because I don't remember
being part of that discussion.

1309
00:55:05.326 --> 00:55:08.994
Or am I just some little obedient wife
who does whatever the men folk say?

1310
00:55:08.996 --> 00:55:11.096
Yeah, that doesn't seem quite
fair to me.

1311
00:55:11.098 --> 00:55:11.963
Oh, piss off, Kurt.

1312
00:55:11.965 --> 00:55:13.965
Honey, he's talking about a gun.

1313
00:55:13.967 --> 00:55:16.668
If I may, can I just

1314
00:55:16.670 --> 00:55:20.072
have a word with my grandson?

1315
00:55:20.074 --> 00:55:23.775
I just want you to fully
understand what you're asking for.

1316
00:55:23.777 --> 00:55:27.279
To take a gun into the
wilderness,

1317
00:55:27.281 --> 00:55:29.848
find an animal living free,

1318
00:55:29.850 --> 00:55:32.050
and take away its life.

1319
00:55:32.052 --> 00:55:34.154
So that it can never
breathe or run

1320
00:55:35.089 --> 00:55:37.922
or play ever again.

1321
00:55:37.924 --> 00:55:40.025
Now, is that
what you really want?

1322
00:55:40.027 --> 00:55:41.759
Yes.

1323
00:55:41.761 --> 00:55:44.262
- No. I don't want to do that.
- Ah.

1324
00:55:44.264 --> 00:55:46.398
You have a good heart, Dylan.

1325
00:55:46.400 --> 00:55:48.266
I'll do it! I'll kill a turkey!

1326
00:55:48.268 --> 00:55:50.003
Can I shoot one? Please?

1327
00:55:51.038 --> 00:55:53.304
I'll have one shotgun, please,
Santa.

1328
00:55:53.306 --> 00:55:55.107
And gobs and gobs of bullets.

1329
00:55:55.109 --> 00:55:57.275
No, no, no, cupcake.
No, I'm sorry.

1330
00:55:57.277 --> 00:56:01.215
No, the men do the hunting.
You ladies cook what we kill.

1331
00:56:01.581 --> 00:56:02.784
Excuse me?

1332
00:56:04.351 --> 00:56:06.351
Yeah, excuse you?

1333
00:56:06.353 --> 00:56:08.353
Here, turkey, turkey, turkey!

1334
00:56:08.355 --> 00:56:09.587
Be patient, sweetheart.

1335
00:56:09.589 --> 00:56:10.822
The decoys are right
around the corner.

1336
00:56:10.824 --> 00:56:12.123
KURT: This is nice, huh, Dust?

1337
00:56:12.125 --> 00:56:14.893
You and me, the fresh air.
Just like old times.

1338
00:56:14.895 --> 00:56:16.360
What do you mean
"just like old times"?

1339
00:56:16.362 --> 00:56:17.663
You only took me once, Dad.

1340
00:56:17.665 --> 00:56:18.831
DON: Jeez, I don't know.

1341
00:56:18.833 --> 00:56:20.866
Are you sure this is a good
idea, Sara?

1342
00:56:20.868 --> 00:56:22.800
Megan is a strong
independent woman.

1343
00:56:22.802 --> 00:56:24.904
If she wants to help thin
the wild turkey population

1344
00:56:24.906 --> 00:56:27.105
so that they don't starve to
death in the winter,

1345
00:56:27.107 --> 00:56:28.808
that is her right
by the Second Amendment.

1346
00:56:28.810 --> 00:56:30.808
Boy, you bought into
that real quick.

1347
00:56:30.810 --> 00:56:32.344
I mean, I think for Megan,

1348
00:56:32.346 --> 00:56:34.846
this is less about wildlife
conservation and more about bloodlust.

1349
00:56:34.848 --> 00:56:37.882
Looks like somebody picked
the wrong day to be a turkey.

1350
00:56:37.884 --> 00:56:40.552
KURT: Keep your elbow down
and cradle the stock, okay.

1351
00:56:40.554 --> 00:56:41.619
Yeah, I get it.

1352
00:56:41.621 --> 00:56:43.288
Can I shoot the damn thing
or not?

1353
00:56:43.290 --> 00:56:44.889
Yeah, that's the spirit.

1354
00:56:44.891 --> 00:56:46.491
DUSTY: Take a deep breath,

1355
00:56:46.493 --> 00:56:49.964
and then squeeze that trigger
as you're letting it out.

1356
00:56:51.232 --> 00:56:53.197
Megan, are you sure
this is what you want to do?

1357
00:56:53.199 --> 00:56:55.000
- (SHUSHES)
- DON: Let's name it.

1358
00:56:55.002 --> 00:56:56.735
She's not gonna kill it if it
has a name.

1359
00:56:56.737 --> 00:56:59.471
- Yes! Gertrude.
- Sam? Tom?

1360
00:56:59.473 --> 00:57:00.804
Billie Holiday! No.

1361
00:57:00.806 --> 00:57:02.206
- Elijah.
- Elijah!

1362
00:57:02.208 --> 00:57:04.143
- DON: Elijah, run home!
- KURT: Stand your ground, kid.

1363
00:57:04.145 --> 00:57:05.009
Save yourself, Elijah!

1364
00:57:05.011 --> 00:57:06.311
Take the shot, kid.
Take the shot.

1365
00:57:06.313 --> 00:57:07.512
BRAD: No, Elijah has feelings!

1366
00:57:07.514 --> 00:57:08.780
Take the shot!

1367
00:57:08.782 --> 00:57:10.616
- (MEGAN SCREAMS)
- (GUN FIRES)

1368
00:57:10.618 --> 00:57:11.886
Oh, God!

1369
00:57:12.252 --> 00:57:13.317
Dad!

1370
00:57:13.319 --> 00:57:15.621
Oh, my God. Honey, are you okay?

1371
00:57:15.623 --> 00:57:16.688
- BRAD: Kurt!
- Dad, Dad, are you all right?

1372
00:57:16.690 --> 00:57:18.056
I'm okay. She just winged me.

1373
00:57:18.058 --> 00:57:19.625
I'm sorry, El Padre! I'm sorry.

1374
00:57:19.627 --> 00:57:22.226
That's okay, kid. I've been shot
worse than this plenty of times.

1375
00:57:22.228 --> 00:57:23.996
DUSTY: Make your scarf
into a tourniquet.

1376
00:57:23.998 --> 00:57:25.764
Wrap it around his shoulder.

1377
00:57:25.766 --> 00:57:27.264
Lift his legs!

1378
00:57:27.266 --> 00:57:29.436
- You'll be fine, sweetheart.
- I'm gonna bleed out.

1379
00:57:37.143 --> 00:57:38.376
Wow.

1380
00:57:38.378 --> 00:57:39.610
Two for two.

1381
00:57:39.612 --> 00:57:40.880
Makes getting shot worth it.

1382
00:57:40.882 --> 00:57:42.581
Get the birds, Brad.

1383
00:57:42.583 --> 00:57:44.782
God! I don't know
who this child is.

1384
00:57:44.784 --> 00:57:46.253
You get that one.

1385
00:57:52.993 --> 00:57:53.994
(SIGHS)

1386
00:57:54.728 --> 00:57:56.695
What? I know, okay?

1387
00:57:56.697 --> 00:57:58.831
It's on me.
I'm the worst mom in the world.

1388
00:57:58.833 --> 00:58:02.800
I put a gun in my daughter's hand,
and then she nearly killed somebody.

1389
00:58:02.802 --> 00:58:05.105
She's gonna be scarred for life.

1390
00:58:05.639 --> 00:58:06.771
MEGAN: Hi!

1391
00:58:06.773 --> 00:58:08.773
I just shot a turkey and a man.

1392
00:58:08.775 --> 00:58:10.478
Guess which one's dead.

1393
00:58:15.214 --> 00:58:18.282
Okay, fine, maybe
she's a little too unscarred.

1394
00:58:18.284 --> 00:58:19.319
Jeez.

1395
00:58:24.056 --> 00:58:25.690
- You all right?
- Yeah, good.

1396
00:58:25.692 --> 00:58:28.326
All right. So, listen, the doctor said
everything is gonna be all right.

1397
00:58:28.328 --> 00:58:30.329
He just wants to keep you
for a couple of hours

1398
00:58:30.331 --> 00:58:31.496
to watch your blood pressure.

1399
00:58:31.498 --> 00:58:33.065
I'm fine. Where's my pants?

1400
00:58:33.067 --> 00:58:35.000
Hey. I forgot. Nothing ever
hurts you.

1401
00:58:35.002 --> 00:58:36.567
Why don't we just round up all
the nurses?

1402
00:58:36.569 --> 00:58:37.670
We can bring them in here.

1403
00:58:37.672 --> 00:58:38.871
You could do some
pushups for them,

1404
00:58:38.873 --> 00:58:40.038
maybe bench press the couch
a little bit,

1405
00:58:40.040 --> 00:58:41.273
prove you're still a tough guy.

1406
00:58:41.275 --> 00:58:43.608
- Still tough enough to lick you, Junior.
- (SCOFFS)

1407
00:58:43.610 --> 00:58:44.875
- Was that a scoff?
- I didn't scoff.

1408
00:58:44.877 --> 00:58:46.143
Yeah, I heard you scoff just
then.

1409
00:58:46.145 --> 00:58:47.378
All right, I scoffed. So what?

1410
00:58:47.380 --> 00:58:49.081
Why, because you think
you can lick me, right?

1411
00:58:49.083 --> 00:58:50.882
I never said I could lick you,
but I could whoop you for sure.

1412
00:58:50.884 --> 00:58:52.050
Now we're talking!

1413
00:58:52.052 --> 00:58:53.485
Come on. Best out of three
falls, come on.

1414
00:58:53.487 --> 00:58:55.052
Hey, cut it out, okay? I'm not
gonna wrestle an old man

1415
00:58:55.054 --> 00:58:56.889
whose ass is hanging out
of his hospital gown.

1416
00:58:56.891 --> 00:58:58.223
Greco-Roman style. Best way.
Come on.

1417
00:58:58.225 --> 00:59:00.558
Hey, Great Santini, I'm not
gonna do this, all right?

1418
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:02.328
- Cut it out. Get some rest.
- All right.

1419
00:59:02.330 --> 00:59:03.929
Hey!

1420
00:59:03.931 --> 00:59:05.963
That's one, candy-ass.

1421
00:59:05.965 --> 00:59:07.733
Now you're gonna get whipped,
old man.

1422
00:59:07.735 --> 00:59:09.003
Come on. Bring it on.

1423
00:59:10.538 --> 00:59:11.539
(THUDDING)

1424
00:59:13.973 --> 00:59:16.574
- Tap out!
- Nah. I can keep going all night, kid.

1425
00:59:16.576 --> 00:59:18.911
You hear that heart rate?
You can set your watch to it.

1426
00:59:18.913 --> 00:59:20.813
Yeah. 'Cause ice water
only flows at one speed, huh?

1427
00:59:20.815 --> 00:59:22.581
That's right, pal.
Now go to sleep.

1428
00:59:22.583 --> 00:59:25.253
You know I came in to say something
nice, but now you can forget it.

1429
00:59:25.853 --> 00:59:27.186
What nice thing?

1430
00:59:27.188 --> 00:59:28.320
No. Forget it.

1431
00:59:28.322 --> 00:59:30.621
You know,
when that gun went off,

1432
00:59:30.623 --> 00:59:31.790
I thought you were a goner.

1433
00:59:31.792 --> 00:59:32.991
There's something that we never
say that

1434
00:59:32.993 --> 00:59:34.529
one of us should say before it's
too late.

1435
00:59:35.929 --> 00:59:37.329
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

1436
00:59:37.331 --> 00:59:38.797
Yeah? Like... Like what?

1437
00:59:38.799 --> 00:59:41.333
No, I'm not gonna say it now, but
maybe you want to say something.

1438
00:59:41.335 --> 00:59:43.434
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, yeah?

1439
00:59:43.436 --> 00:59:46.003
Seems like you might want to
get something off your chest.

1440
00:59:46.005 --> 00:59:47.072
No. Nothing comes to mind.

1441
00:59:47.074 --> 00:59:48.306
But if you want to say
something,

1442
00:59:48.308 --> 00:59:49.775
I'm not gonna stop you or
anything.

1443
00:59:49.777 --> 00:59:50.842
No, I'm good.

1444
00:59:50.844 --> 00:59:52.009
But you might wanna
unburden yourself

1445
00:59:52.011 --> 00:59:53.378
before you bust
that frickin' machine.

1446
00:59:53.380 --> 00:59:56.848
Yeah. Well, if I was gonna say
something, and I'm not...

1447
00:59:56.850 --> 00:59:58.050
What are you gonna say?

1448
00:59:58.052 --> 00:59:59.617
But if I was, I might want to
tell you that I...

1449
00:59:59.619 --> 01:00:01.119
- BRAD: Hello?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1450
01:00:01.121 --> 01:00:01.920
Wait, it's Brad! Don't...
Don't say it! Don't say it.

1451
01:00:01.922 --> 01:00:03.054
BRAD: Knock, knock!

1452
01:00:03.056 --> 01:00:04.322
Time out on three, okay?
One, two, three.

1453
01:00:04.324 --> 01:00:05.326
Hey, Brad.

1454
01:00:05.926 --> 01:00:07.125
What's going on?

1455
01:00:07.127 --> 01:00:08.927
Hey. Am I interrupting
something?

1456
01:00:08.929 --> 01:00:10.596
- What? No, nothing.
- No, we're fine.

1457
01:00:10.598 --> 01:00:11.795
Why are you being so weird,
Brad?

1458
01:00:11.797 --> 01:00:13.431
BRAD: Just seems
a little awkward in here.

1459
01:00:13.433 --> 01:00:14.666
(SNIFFS)

1460
01:00:14.668 --> 01:00:16.500
Oh, gosh.
It smells like a bullfight.

1461
01:00:16.502 --> 01:00:18.103
So, look, guys,

1462
01:00:18.105 --> 01:00:20.271
I'm not here to tell you I told
you so,

1463
01:00:20.273 --> 01:00:21.308
even though I did.

1464
01:00:22.074 --> 01:00:23.608
I've just been thinking that

1465
01:00:23.610 --> 01:00:25.976
we've had a lot of tensions
as of late, and I thought

1466
01:00:25.978 --> 01:00:28.413
maybe we could use
a Dads' Night Out. Right?

1467
01:00:28.415 --> 01:00:30.949
Yeah. So what are we thinking,
Brad?

1468
01:00:30.951 --> 01:00:32.449
Strip club?

1469
01:00:32.451 --> 01:00:34.820
Even better.

1470
01:00:34.822 --> 01:00:38.623
Look, it's a cute tiny monkey
on your back.

1471
01:00:38.625 --> 01:00:39.627
(ALL LAUGHING)

1472
01:00:42.395 --> 01:00:45.432
Give us all the money in the
drawers and all the lollipops.

1473
01:00:47.701 --> 01:00:49.433
(LAUGHING MOCKINGLY)

1474
01:00:49.435 --> 01:00:51.138
Guys, I can't keep up.

1475
01:01:00.647 --> 01:01:01.846
I'm gonna hit the head.

1476
01:01:01.848 --> 01:01:03.648
- I'll get us a couple more drinks.
- KURT: Sure.

1477
01:01:03.650 --> 01:01:06.250
Hey, am I crazy or are you guys
having a good time?

1478
01:01:06.252 --> 01:01:07.853
I don't know.
I think we kind of are.

1479
01:01:07.855 --> 01:01:10.822
- That's wonderful, Dusty!
- Thanks, Don.

1480
01:01:10.824 --> 01:01:12.757
I told you we'd rub off
on you two.

1481
01:01:12.759 --> 01:01:14.525
In this room right now,

1482
01:01:14.527 --> 01:01:17.795
there's a man who,
despite his advancing years,

1483
01:01:17.797 --> 01:01:20.134
is apparently an improv ninja.

1484
01:01:20.735 --> 01:01:22.300
Brad, you didn't.

1485
01:01:22.302 --> 01:01:25.070
I did. I so did!

1486
01:01:25.072 --> 01:01:27.471
Don Whitaker, ladies and
gentlemen!

1487
01:01:27.473 --> 01:01:29.940
All right. All right.

1488
01:01:29.942 --> 01:01:31.478
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

1489
01:01:32.413 --> 01:01:33.947
You are the greatest.

1490
01:01:36.083 --> 01:01:38.550
ACTRESS: Don!
Let's hear it for Don!

1491
01:01:38.552 --> 01:01:40.117
We're gonna play
a little "Arms Akimbo."

1492
01:01:40.119 --> 01:01:41.286
Do you know that one?

1493
01:01:41.288 --> 01:01:42.621
- Of course I do!
- Awesome.

1494
01:01:42.623 --> 01:01:43.954
They're gonna love this.

1495
01:01:43.956 --> 01:01:46.891
- Can somebody do my Velcro?
- Yes.

1496
01:01:46.893 --> 01:01:48.893
He's got tiny little girl arms!

1497
01:01:48.895 --> 01:01:50.427
(CROWD LAUGHING)

1498
01:01:50.429 --> 01:01:54.098
DON: Okay. We're gonna do a scene,
and we need some suggestions.

1499
01:01:54.100 --> 01:01:55.800
Can you suggest an animal?

1500
01:01:55.802 --> 01:01:57.201
- MAN: Raccoon!
- BRAD: A panda!

1501
01:01:57.203 --> 01:01:59.070
DON: Raccoon, good! All right.

1502
01:01:59.072 --> 01:02:01.072
And, sir, what is your
profession?

1503
01:02:01.074 --> 01:02:02.473
MAN: I'm a dermatologist.

1504
01:02:02.475 --> 01:02:05.677
DON: And finally we need
a human relationship.

1505
01:02:05.679 --> 01:02:06.811
Oh! Father and son!

1506
01:02:06.813 --> 01:02:08.646
A healthy father and son
relationship.

1507
01:02:08.648 --> 01:02:10.250
Or how about a divorce?

1508
01:02:11.451 --> 01:02:13.418
Now you're getting in the
spirit, Dusty.

1509
01:02:13.420 --> 01:02:14.753
Yes. Okay. We're taking
"divorce."

1510
01:02:14.755 --> 01:02:16.020
That's all we need. Give it up!

1511
01:02:16.022 --> 01:02:17.725
That's really dark.

1512
01:02:18.525 --> 01:02:19.424
KYLE: Oh, come on, babe.

1513
01:02:19.426 --> 01:02:21.192
Just a little fun before
he gets here.

1514
01:02:21.194 --> 01:02:22.427
No. Stop it. I told you, okay?

1515
01:02:22.429 --> 01:02:25.130
No canoodling until
the divorce is finalized.

1516
01:02:25.132 --> 01:02:27.001
- It's not right.
- Come on.

1517
01:02:27.435 --> 01:02:28.534
Knock, knock.

1518
01:02:28.536 --> 01:02:31.605
He has no idea what
he's walking into!

1519
01:02:32.672 --> 01:02:34.405
You're home!

1520
01:02:34.407 --> 01:02:35.543
Yes.

1521
01:02:36.576 --> 01:02:37.712
Where were you?

1522
01:02:39.212 --> 01:02:42.346
I took our raccoon to the
dermatologist.

1523
01:02:42.348 --> 01:02:43.915
He got two
of the suggestions already.

1524
01:02:43.917 --> 01:02:45.416
He's on fire!

1525
01:02:45.418 --> 01:02:47.686
Aren't you even gonna address
the strange man in your home?

1526
01:02:47.688 --> 01:02:50.956
Yeah, bro, don't you even
want to know who I am?

1527
01:02:50.958 --> 01:02:52.690
I know who you are.

1528
01:02:52.692 --> 01:02:54.425
KYLE: Don, if you'll excuse me,

1529
01:02:54.427 --> 01:02:56.429
I think I'm gonna start
giving it to your wife.

1530
01:02:56.830 --> 01:02:57.962
Shut up!

1531
01:02:57.964 --> 01:03:00.699
Just shut up with
that kind of talk!

1532
01:03:00.701 --> 01:03:03.701
When we met on that flight,
I was really nice to you.

1533
01:03:03.703 --> 01:03:08.105
I listened to you tell your
stupid story over and over again,

1534
01:03:08.107 --> 01:03:10.476
and I complimented your hat!

1535
01:03:10.478 --> 01:03:11.479
(ALL LAUGHING)

1536
01:03:13.380 --> 01:03:16.081
- Brad, we have to stop this.
- He's killing!

1537
01:03:16.083 --> 01:03:17.315
Don't you see what's happening?

1538
01:03:17.317 --> 01:03:19.317
I do. I see a room of people
laughing at my father.

1539
01:03:19.319 --> 01:03:20.451
- It's amazing.
- Okay.

1540
01:03:20.453 --> 01:03:23.590
- Have some water.
- No, I don't want water.

1541
01:03:26.659 --> 01:03:27.925
Oh!

1542
01:03:27.927 --> 01:03:29.061
DON: I don't want water!

1543
01:03:29.063 --> 01:03:30.829
I want my wife back.

1544
01:03:30.831 --> 01:03:34.965
And I want our Sunday brunches
at the Cracker Barrel.

1545
01:03:34.967 --> 01:03:37.369
Braddie, we've got to get him
off the stage.

1546
01:03:37.371 --> 01:03:40.241
All you needed was
somebody to listen to you,

1547
01:03:41.107 --> 01:03:43.041
and all I do is talk.

1548
01:03:43.043 --> 01:03:44.375
On and on and on.

1549
01:03:44.377 --> 01:03:48.282
When am I ever gonna learn
to shut my big fat mouth?

1550
01:03:48.815 --> 01:03:49.817
Ooh.

1551
01:03:50.317 --> 01:03:51.452
Ginny.

1552
01:03:53.052 --> 01:03:54.255
Ginny.

1553
01:03:54.888 --> 01:03:56.487
My sweet Ginny.

1554
01:03:56.489 --> 01:03:59.159
Why is he using
my mom's real name?

1555
01:04:01.694 --> 01:04:03.229
Hey, Dad?

1556
01:04:03.831 --> 01:04:05.566
Is this true?

1557
01:04:07.067 --> 01:04:09.070
Are you and Mom divorced?

1558
01:04:10.936 --> 01:04:13.139
I wanted to tell you, Brad.

1559
01:04:16.543 --> 01:04:19.713
Son, you're home
from summer camp!

1560
01:04:21.147 --> 01:04:24.417
I don't go to summer camp,
I'm a grown man. Okay?

1561
01:04:25.018 --> 01:04:26.720
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

1562
01:04:28.688 --> 01:04:31.121
Why are you laughing?
I'm not part of this! Okay?

1563
01:04:31.123 --> 01:04:34.659
You are a part of this family, and
you will respect your parents.

1564
01:04:34.661 --> 01:04:35.793
- Yeah.
- Shut up!

1565
01:04:35.795 --> 01:04:36.893
- Brad.
- Just shut up.

1566
01:04:36.895 --> 01:04:38.262
Let me out of this bit!

1567
01:04:38.264 --> 01:04:40.264
What about him?
Is he still around?

1568
01:04:40.266 --> 01:04:42.166
Do I have a stepdad?

1569
01:04:42.168 --> 01:04:43.634
(CROWD LAUGHING LOUDLY)

1570
01:04:43.636 --> 01:04:47.207
Stop doing that to me!
I'm a paying customer!

1571
01:04:47.674 --> 01:04:49.342
Brad, let's go.

1572
01:04:50.610 --> 01:04:52.113
Come on.

1573
01:05:00.920 --> 01:05:03.621
Will you please just go out
there and talk to him?

1574
01:05:03.623 --> 01:05:07.391
He won't talk to me,
and I don't blame him.

1575
01:05:07.393 --> 01:05:09.729
You know, it's not really all
your fault.

1576
01:05:10.897 --> 01:05:12.730
You can't blame Dusty.

1577
01:05:12.732 --> 01:05:16.369
He couldn't have known about Ginny and
me when he made that improv suggestion.

1578
01:05:18.404 --> 01:05:21.139
- You did know!
- It was pretty obvious, Don.

1579
01:05:21.141 --> 01:05:22.907
A guy your age either joins
an improv group

1580
01:05:22.909 --> 01:05:24.308
because his wife left him,

1581
01:05:24.310 --> 01:05:26.043
or his wife left him because he
joined an improv group.

1582
01:05:26.045 --> 01:05:29.079
- So you did it on purpose?
- No! Well...

1583
01:05:29.081 --> 01:05:30.748
Well, yeah. All right? I did.

1584
01:05:30.750 --> 01:05:33.083
You and Brad are all lovey-dovey
and smug about your relationship.

1585
01:05:33.085 --> 01:05:34.485
I mean, you make out every
chance you get.

1586
01:05:34.487 --> 01:05:36.186
Meanwhile, my dad's ditching out
on me.

1587
01:05:36.188 --> 01:05:37.721
Maybe I got a little jealous,
all right?

1588
01:05:37.723 --> 01:05:39.291
Look, I didn't think
you were gonna freak out

1589
01:05:39.293 --> 01:05:41.625
and spill your guts to a room
full of drunken skiers!

1590
01:05:41.627 --> 01:05:43.594
- Hey. What is wrong with you?
- What? I didn't...

1591
01:05:43.596 --> 01:05:45.429
Go out there
and fix this right now.

1592
01:05:45.431 --> 01:05:46.734
- Go!
- All right.

1593
01:05:51.605 --> 01:05:53.038
Are you serious?

1594
01:05:53.040 --> 01:05:54.340
I'm keeping this.

1595
01:06:12.960 --> 01:06:13.961
(GRUNTING)

1596
01:06:16.663 --> 01:06:17.864
Are you okay?

1597
01:06:19.532 --> 01:06:20.534
Uh...

1598
01:06:21.134 --> 01:06:23.201
My parents are divorced.

1599
01:06:23.203 --> 01:06:24.605
Oh. Mine, too.

1600
01:06:24.904 --> 01:06:26.371
Sucks.

1601
01:06:26.373 --> 01:06:29.139
- Yeah.
- I think it was my fault.

1602
01:06:29.141 --> 01:06:32.811
- Was yours your fault, too?
- I don't know. I hope not.

1603
01:06:32.813 --> 01:06:35.212
I just found out last night.
When did you find out?

1604
01:06:35.214 --> 01:06:37.949
- I was a baby.
- When you were a baby?

1605
01:06:37.951 --> 01:06:40.721
Maybe it was your fault.
Were you a difficult baby?

1606
01:06:41.253 --> 01:06:42.954
I don't know.

1607
01:06:42.956 --> 01:06:45.824
You know what? Your lack of specifics
leads me to believe it was your fault.

1608
01:06:45.826 --> 01:06:48.525
No, no, no! You were not
a difficult baby, sweetheart.

1609
01:06:48.527 --> 01:06:50.228
Brad, dude, what are you
telling the kid?

1610
01:06:50.230 --> 01:06:52.563
Come on, man. I know
you're upset about last night.

1611
01:06:52.565 --> 01:06:54.232
All right? I'm sorry
about what happened, okay?

1612
01:06:54.234 --> 01:06:55.699
I didn't mean to give
that improv suggestion.

1613
01:06:55.701 --> 01:06:57.634
It just... It just kind of
slipped out.

1614
01:06:57.636 --> 01:06:58.770
(SIGHS)

1615
01:06:58.772 --> 01:07:01.206
- Know what, Dusty? It's okay.
- Really?

1616
01:07:01.208 --> 01:07:02.873
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Brad.

1617
01:07:02.875 --> 01:07:05.210
Look, why don't you come in and talk
to Don? He's feeling a little...

1618
01:07:05.212 --> 01:07:07.414
BRAD: Oh, my gosh.
I wonder who that could be?

1619
01:07:08.214 --> 01:07:09.717
What a nice truck!

1620
01:07:17.690 --> 01:07:18.757
ADRIANNA: Daddy!

1621
01:07:18.759 --> 01:07:22.592
- What are you doing here?
- Come on. What am I doing?

1622
01:07:22.594 --> 01:07:24.929
I want to celebrate Christmas
with my perfect little girl.

1623
01:07:24.931 --> 01:07:28.366
Don't you want to spend the holidays
with your one true real dad?

1624
01:07:28.368 --> 01:07:29.733
ADRIANNA: Yeah, come on!

1625
01:07:29.735 --> 01:07:31.670
- Let's come see the cabin.
- Hey, Roger.

1626
01:07:31.672 --> 01:07:32.973
It's so cool!

1627
01:07:35.275 --> 01:07:36.407
Come on, hurry.
You're going too slow.

1628
01:07:36.409 --> 01:07:37.775
ROGER: I'm coming, sweetheart.

1629
01:07:37.777 --> 01:07:40.244
You invite him all the way up
here just to get back at me?

1630
01:07:40.246 --> 01:07:41.547
Yeah, I did.

1631
01:07:43.350 --> 01:07:46.717
- WOMAN: Bye, Kurt! Call me!
- Yeah, next time I'm in.

1632
01:07:46.719 --> 01:07:48.351
(LAUGHING)
That's her dad, yeah?

1633
01:07:48.353 --> 01:07:50.588
Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)

1634
01:07:50.590 --> 01:07:52.123
And you invited him,
too, didn't you?

1635
01:07:52.125 --> 01:07:53.657
I sure did, yep.

1636
01:07:53.659 --> 01:07:58.628
I don't know what I missed,
but this is getting good, boys.

1637
01:07:58.630 --> 01:08:00.864
- I like your style, Brad.
- Hey, hey, hey.

1638
01:08:00.866 --> 01:08:01.868
(LAUGHING)

1639
01:08:03.603 --> 01:08:05.237
You're opening up the harbor,
Brad.

1640
01:08:05.239 --> 01:08:07.771
The harbor is wide open,
and it's Fleet Week!

1641
01:08:07.773 --> 01:08:10.174
All right, good. 'Cause I got a
few boats that want to set sail.

1642
01:08:10.176 --> 01:08:11.275
Yeah, good. So do I.

1643
01:08:11.277 --> 01:08:12.944
You favor little Griffy
over my kids.

1644
01:08:12.946 --> 01:08:14.246
What? I do not!

1645
01:08:14.248 --> 01:08:15.579
He gets to sleep in your bed
all the time.

1646
01:08:15.581 --> 01:08:16.713
Megan and Dylan never get to.

1647
01:08:16.715 --> 01:08:18.416
You want them to sleep
in my bed with me?

1648
01:08:18.418 --> 01:08:20.318
God, no! Don't you ever think
about it!

1649
01:08:20.320 --> 01:08:21.586
I'm not thinking about it!

1650
01:08:21.588 --> 01:08:22.753
- You brought it up.
- Good! You better not.

1651
01:08:22.755 --> 01:08:24.155
- BOTH: Shut up!
- Hey, you shut up.

1652
01:08:24.157 --> 01:08:25.957
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!

1653
01:08:25.959 --> 01:08:28.559
Okay. Well, he's not gonna be part of that
special thing we got planned tonight,

1654
01:08:28.561 --> 01:08:29.859
if that's what you're thinking.

1655
01:08:29.861 --> 01:08:31.363
Oh, yeah?
So you're gonna tell Adrianna

1656
01:08:31.365 --> 01:08:32.896
that everyone's invited
to that "special thing"

1657
01:08:32.898 --> 01:08:34.901
we have planned for tonight,
except her dad.

1658
01:08:41.475 --> 01:08:43.643
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1659
01:09:12.204 --> 01:09:15.739
BRAD: Hey. Five more minutes
and I get to be Joseph.

1660
01:09:15.741 --> 01:09:18.609
You're not the right type
to play Jesus' dad, Brad.

1661
01:09:18.611 --> 01:09:21.612
He wasn't Jesus' dad,
he was Jesus' stepdad.

1662
01:09:21.614 --> 01:09:23.549
And I'm exactly the right type.

1663
01:09:24.316 --> 01:09:25.550
You'd better stop hitting me

1664
01:09:25.552 --> 01:09:26.917
with that shepherd stick, Brad.
I'm warning you.

1665
01:09:26.919 --> 01:09:28.920
Brad's right.
Let him be Joseph.

1666
01:09:28.922 --> 01:09:30.354
Thank you, Roger, I appreciate
that.

1667
01:09:30.356 --> 01:09:31.788
It's Brad's turn, Dusty.

1668
01:09:31.790 --> 01:09:33.591
Dad, don't break character.

1669
01:09:33.593 --> 01:09:34.926
And stop trying to butter me up.

1670
01:09:34.928 --> 01:09:37.729
- Can we show some decorum?
- I'm showing decorum.

1671
01:09:37.731 --> 01:09:40.032
You guys, zip it!
You're gonna wake up Baby Jesus.

1672
01:09:43.536 --> 01:09:44.734
That's it. Give me the beard.

1673
01:09:44.736 --> 01:09:46.403
Don't touch my Joseph beard,
Brad!

1674
01:09:46.405 --> 01:09:47.738
- Give him the beard!
- Dad, stay out of it!

1675
01:09:47.740 --> 01:09:49.373
Can we have some respect for the
Nativity?

1676
01:09:49.375 --> 01:09:50.742
Cut it out!

1677
01:09:50.744 --> 01:09:53.711
This is stupid.
I don't even get it.

1678
01:09:53.713 --> 01:09:56.581
Why go on a trip when
Mary's about to have a baby?

1679
01:09:56.583 --> 01:09:57.948
What's so damn important

1680
01:09:57.950 --> 01:10:00.251
you got to go to Bethlehem
in the middle of the night?

1681
01:10:00.253 --> 01:10:02.452
There was a census, okay? We
covered that in Sunday School.

1682
01:10:02.454 --> 01:10:04.624
Megan, what is going...

1683
01:10:05.525 --> 01:10:07.257
Did you get into the eggnog?

1684
01:10:07.259 --> 01:10:08.560
Hey. Who's up for some IHOP?

1685
01:10:08.562 --> 01:10:10.060
Yeah, that kid's pickled all
right.

1686
01:10:10.062 --> 01:10:12.432
Mom, you're pretty.
Can we go to IHOP?

1687
01:10:13.066 --> 01:10:14.265
I'm sorry, folks.

1688
01:10:14.267 --> 01:10:15.900
Having some technical
difficulties.

1689
01:10:15.902 --> 01:10:19.269
Great, Dad. Now you've broken
the fourth wall!

1690
01:10:19.271 --> 01:10:21.137
None of it's real, folks.

1691
01:10:21.139 --> 01:10:22.540
I want to go wait in the car.

1692
01:10:22.542 --> 01:10:24.442
Give me the keys, Brad!

1693
01:10:24.444 --> 01:10:26.644
No, I am not giving you
the keys to the car,

1694
01:10:26.646 --> 01:10:28.846
because you're drunk
and you're a child.

1695
01:10:28.848 --> 01:10:33.518
Nobody likes your dumb,
stupid Brad voice.

1696
01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:35.386
And you smell like pumpkins!

1697
01:10:35.388 --> 01:10:37.854
- And you're a mean drunk.
- Kid's got an arm.

1698
01:10:37.856 --> 01:10:40.558
Drunk nine-year-old.
Real nice parenting.

1699
01:10:40.560 --> 01:10:42.129
You better watch it, Roger.

1700
01:10:43.896 --> 01:10:44.761
(CROWD GASPING)

1701
01:10:44.763 --> 01:10:46.296
Adrianna! Are you okay,
sweetheart?

1702
01:10:46.298 --> 01:10:47.567
Is she okay? Is she...
What is she...

1703
01:10:49.134 --> 01:10:50.534
(CHUCKLING)

1704
01:10:50.536 --> 01:10:52.470
SARA: Oh. What a shock. Now we
know where Megan got the eggnog.

1705
01:10:52.472 --> 01:10:54.238
You always assume
she's the bad influence.

1706
01:10:54.240 --> 01:10:56.774
Maybe your daughter plied
my daughter with alcohol.

1707
01:10:56.776 --> 01:10:59.877
Maybe your daughter's that way
because her mother is a shoplifter.

1708
01:10:59.879 --> 01:11:01.945
Shoplifter.

1709
01:11:01.947 --> 01:11:04.015
Sara, we've been working on
the shoplifting thing, okay?

1710
01:11:04.017 --> 01:11:05.617
But that has nothing
to do with Adrianna

1711
01:11:05.619 --> 01:11:06.818
being such a little nightmare
all the time.

1712
01:11:06.820 --> 01:11:08.252
My daughter is not a nightmare!

1713
01:11:08.254 --> 01:11:09.386
Come on, Adrianna.

1714
01:11:09.388 --> 01:11:10.622
DUSTY: No, sweetheart,
I didn't mean that.

1715
01:11:10.624 --> 01:11:12.355
- Honey!
- ROGER: Hey.

1716
01:11:12.357 --> 01:11:15.025
- What'd you call my daughter?
- He called her a nightmare.

1717
01:11:15.027 --> 01:11:17.228
Hey. I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a heathen.

1718
01:11:17.230 --> 01:11:18.329
Let's take this outside.

1719
01:11:18.331 --> 01:11:19.697
Yeah, let's step
outside the manger.

1720
01:11:19.699 --> 01:11:20.898
He called her a nightmare.

1721
01:11:20.900 --> 01:11:23.033
- ROGER: Here we go.
- DON: Now, now, boys,

1722
01:11:23.035 --> 01:11:24.702
we can't just leave!

1723
01:11:24.704 --> 01:11:27.570
Joseph and the Innkeeper
rumble outside the manger!

1724
01:11:27.572 --> 01:11:29.107
Make the first move, Innkeeper.

1725
01:11:29.109 --> 01:11:30.274
Kick his ass, Joseph!

1726
01:11:30.276 --> 01:11:32.443
We are not going to do this
in front of the children!

1727
01:11:32.445 --> 01:11:34.912
Now, what kind of fathers are
you, anyway?

1728
01:11:34.914 --> 01:11:36.081
That's rich!

1729
01:11:36.083 --> 01:11:39.082
Coming from a guy who lies to
his son for six months.

1730
01:11:39.084 --> 01:11:42.220
Maybe that's why everyone thinks
your stories are so "delightful,"

1731
01:11:42.222 --> 01:11:44.088
because they're all lies!

1732
01:11:44.090 --> 01:11:45.756
Sara, get the kids out of here,
okay?

1733
01:11:45.758 --> 01:11:48.926
Happily. I don't want them
watching this anyway.

1734
01:11:48.928 --> 01:11:50.828
Have fun, morons!

1735
01:11:50.830 --> 01:11:53.765
- Pancakes, bitches!
- Do not say "bitches."

1736
01:11:53.767 --> 01:11:54.966
Kids are gone. Let's go.

1737
01:11:54.968 --> 01:11:57.202
I'm not hitting a guy dressed
like Joseph.

1738
01:11:57.204 --> 01:11:58.536
The beard's off, Roger.

1739
01:11:58.538 --> 01:12:00.203
How many excuses
you want to pull out, man?

1740
01:12:00.205 --> 01:12:01.271
Now it's on.

1741
01:12:01.273 --> 01:12:02.873
- You know what, Brad?
- Don!

1742
01:12:02.875 --> 01:12:04.074
Yes, I lied!

1743
01:12:04.076 --> 01:12:07.278
Because whenever there's
anything wrong in your life,

1744
01:12:07.280 --> 01:12:09.313
if it isn't roses and rainbows,

1745
01:12:09.315 --> 01:12:10.881
you completely fall apart.

1746
01:12:10.883 --> 01:12:12.949
I thought we had an honest
relationship!

1747
01:12:12.951 --> 01:12:14.551
Oh, yeah? Brad,
I bet you never told him

1748
01:12:14.553 --> 01:12:16.554
about that procedure
you had last year, did you?

1749
01:12:16.556 --> 01:12:17.822
Oh, my God. What procedure?

1750
01:12:17.824 --> 01:12:20.225
It was nothing,
just some benign tissue.

1751
01:12:20.227 --> 01:12:23.359
How about that? You're both a
couple of lying sacks.

1752
01:12:23.361 --> 01:12:24.528
And, you!

1753
01:12:24.530 --> 01:12:25.762
From the minute you got here,

1754
01:12:25.764 --> 01:12:28.233
you've been nothing but
mean and sarcastic.

1755
01:12:28.235 --> 01:12:29.567
Well, you know what, Kurt?

1756
01:12:29.569 --> 01:12:31.301
- F you!
- Dad!

1757
01:12:31.303 --> 01:12:32.903
That's right. Forget you!

1758
01:12:32.905 --> 01:12:35.238
Attaboy, swami.
Throwing down F words.

1759
01:12:35.240 --> 01:12:37.207
Not the F word, but an F word,
and that's a good start.

1760
01:12:37.209 --> 01:12:39.344
Now, come on, give me the
finger, big boy. Come on.

1761
01:12:39.346 --> 01:12:40.845
- Come on.
- ROGER: Hey! Hey!

1762
01:12:40.847 --> 01:12:42.780
Are we gonna still fight
or what?

1763
01:12:42.782 --> 01:12:45.049
Roger brings up a good point.
Let's get the momentum back.

1764
01:12:45.051 --> 01:12:47.618
Come on, Roger. Get some!
Let's get in there!

1765
01:12:47.620 --> 01:12:50.054
- Come on!
- No, no, no, no, no!

1766
01:12:50.056 --> 01:12:53.925
If you lay one hand on each other,
whether the kids are here or not,

1767
01:12:53.927 --> 01:12:56.726
it will negatively impact them.

1768
01:12:56.728 --> 01:12:59.199
All right.
I'm not gonna lay a hand on him.

1769
01:13:01.200 --> 01:13:02.533
DON: What are you doing?

1770
01:13:02.535 --> 01:13:05.135
Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.
Snowball fight.

1771
01:13:05.137 --> 01:13:08.206
I've got some Nerf guns
in the back of my car.

1772
01:13:08.208 --> 01:13:09.439
Want me to get them?

1773
01:13:09.441 --> 01:13:11.609
I pitched triple-A for the Red
Sox in their farm system, Roger.

1774
01:13:11.611 --> 01:13:12.676
Don't say I didn't warn you.

1775
01:13:12.678 --> 01:13:13.880
Take your best shot.

1776
01:13:19.018 --> 01:13:20.350
Dad!

1777
01:13:20.352 --> 01:13:21.887
Don, I'm sorry!

1778
01:13:23.188 --> 01:13:24.755
That sucks.

1779
01:13:24.757 --> 01:13:26.826
- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, it was all right.

1780
01:13:29.695 --> 01:13:31.363
Hey, no fair.
That's an ice ball.

1781
01:13:31.365 --> 01:13:32.663
You bet it is.

1782
01:13:32.665 --> 01:13:34.564
You know, you throw that
and we are no longer co-dads.

1783
01:13:34.566 --> 01:13:35.833
I'm way ahead of you, dickhead.

1784
01:13:35.835 --> 01:13:37.001
You know, from now on,

1785
01:13:37.003 --> 01:13:38.502
we'll just act like
a normal blended family

1786
01:13:38.504 --> 01:13:39.569
with me hating your guts.

1787
01:13:39.571 --> 01:13:41.271
The kids will never know,

1788
01:13:41.273 --> 01:13:43.440
because I'm too good of a dad to ever
throw their stepfather under the bus.

1789
01:13:43.442 --> 01:13:45.476
But that's right where
you're gonna be, Brad.

1790
01:13:45.478 --> 01:13:47.144
Under my bus.

1791
01:13:47.146 --> 01:13:50.146
Well, guess what, I'm gonna celebrate
you morning, noon and night

1792
01:13:50.148 --> 01:13:52.683
because it's the right thing to
do in front of the kids.

1793
01:13:52.685 --> 01:13:54.685
But just know the way
I really feel about you

1794
01:13:54.687 --> 01:13:56.887
is you can suck a fart, Dusty.

1795
01:13:56.889 --> 01:13:59.793
A wet, greasy fart.

1796
01:14:02.094 --> 01:14:05.229
You gonna keep pump-faking that thing
or you gonna take a shot, Brad?

1797
01:14:05.231 --> 01:14:06.564
Huh?

1798
01:14:06.566 --> 01:14:09.833
What? What? Huh?

1799
01:14:09.835 --> 01:14:11.502
He's never played sports ever.

1800
01:14:11.504 --> 01:14:13.336
Maybe it's stuck to his hand.

1801
01:14:13.338 --> 01:14:14.340
Oh! Oh!

1802
01:14:15.607 --> 01:14:17.677
Huh? Huh?

1803
01:14:24.551 --> 01:14:25.949
That's what I thought.

1804
01:14:25.951 --> 01:14:27.551
You know what, Dusty,
you're not worth it.

1805
01:14:27.553 --> 01:14:29.153
Come on, Dad.

1806
01:14:29.155 --> 01:14:30.054
(GROANS) Good.

1807
01:14:30.056 --> 01:14:31.458
Psych. You're totally worth it!

1808
01:14:33.259 --> 01:14:34.358
Dad!

1809
01:14:34.360 --> 01:14:35.527
(LAUGHS)

1810
01:14:35.529 --> 01:14:38.595
- That was an ice ball.
- Treating your dad like that!

1811
01:14:38.597 --> 01:14:39.930
Dad.

1812
01:14:39.932 --> 01:14:41.834
Look, it was an accident.

1813
01:14:44.838 --> 01:14:46.636
Go ahead, Roger.

1814
01:14:46.638 --> 01:14:48.240
Brad was right the first time.

1815
01:14:49.308 --> 01:14:50.811
You're not worth it.

1816
01:14:51.343 --> 01:14:52.644
(DON GROANS)

1817
01:14:52.646 --> 01:14:54.746
Dang! Right down my neck!

1818
01:14:54.748 --> 01:14:56.183
ROGER: Don! Sorry! Sorry!

1819
01:14:57.150 --> 01:14:59.882
That guy's like a snowball
magnet.

1820
01:14:59.884 --> 01:15:02.054
You were right about everything.
You happy now?

1821
01:15:02.955 --> 01:15:04.654
Dusty,

1822
01:15:04.656 --> 01:15:06.726
I do like being right.

1823
01:15:10.963 --> 01:15:12.462
Hey, is that
your baby in there?

1824
01:15:12.464 --> 01:15:13.529
Griffy!

1825
01:15:13.531 --> 01:15:14.799
(CRYING)

1826
01:15:14.801 --> 01:15:17.635
I know. I know, sweetie.
It's okay, it's okay.

1827
01:15:17.637 --> 01:15:19.235
I know, I know.

1828
01:15:19.237 --> 01:15:22.308
This was Dusty's idea.
I never wanted to do this.

1829
01:15:59.911 --> 01:16:02.148
Hey, Brad. That one's mine.

1830
01:16:03.081 --> 01:16:05.151
- Oh, is this bag yours?
- Yeah.

1831
01:16:11.356 --> 01:16:12.993
Sara? Sara!

1832
01:16:28.441 --> 01:16:30.510
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1833
01:16:34.780 --> 01:16:36.413
- Oh, my gosh.
- Ew.

1834
01:16:36.415 --> 01:16:38.250
What is going on here?

1835
01:16:42.721 --> 01:16:43.854
What's happening, Officer?

1836
01:16:43.856 --> 01:16:46.123
Avalanche hit the highway
up ahead.

1837
01:16:46.125 --> 01:16:47.926
It's gonna take a few hours to
clear it,

1838
01:16:47.928 --> 01:16:50.394
so follow the traffic back
into town, all right?

1839
01:16:50.396 --> 01:16:53.029
What caused the avalanche?
Was it all the snow?

1840
01:16:53.031 --> 01:16:54.165
Yeah, I'm pretty sure

1841
01:16:54.167 --> 01:16:56.634
snow had something to do
with the avalanche.

1842
01:16:56.636 --> 01:16:58.338
Keep it moving!

1843
01:17:02.475 --> 01:17:05.943
Well, I guess we could stop
and have lunch to kill time.

1844
01:17:05.945 --> 01:17:08.010
On Christmas Day?

1845
01:17:08.012 --> 01:17:09.814
What's gonna be open?

1846
01:17:09.816 --> 01:17:11.051
I don't know.

1847
01:17:14.219 --> 01:17:16.088
(CHOIR SINGING
CHRISTMAS CAROL)

1848
01:17:17.156 --> 01:17:19.424
(CHUCKLES) Oh, look at that!

1849
01:17:19.426 --> 01:17:21.393
Looks like everyone
had the same idea.

1850
01:17:34.339 --> 01:17:36.873
Oh, no.
Everything's sold out.

1851
01:17:36.875 --> 01:17:38.141
Well, I guess we could see
<i>Missile Tow.</i>

1852
01:17:38.143 --> 01:17:39.443
What's that about?

1853
01:17:39.445 --> 01:17:40.711
It's Liam Neeson.

1854
01:17:40.713 --> 01:17:43.247
He's a tow truck driver who's on
his way home for Christmas

1855
01:17:43.249 --> 01:17:45.983
with his kids and
happens along some terrorists

1856
01:17:45.985 --> 01:17:47.818
who've hijacked a mobile ICBM.

1857
01:17:47.820 --> 01:17:49.086
So he hooks it to his rig

1858
01:17:49.088 --> 01:17:50.988
and has to get it to NORAD
before Christmas morning.

1859
01:17:50.990 --> 01:17:52.623
I hear it's really good!

1860
01:17:52.625 --> 01:17:55.125
I don't know, Brad, it's PG-13.

1861
01:17:55.127 --> 01:17:58.128
I don't really care
for the salty language.

1862
01:17:58.130 --> 01:17:59.563
Well, it has cute
little kids in it.

1863
01:17:59.565 --> 01:18:00.663
I mean, how dirty can it be?

1864
01:18:00.665 --> 01:18:01.899
Besides, you love Liam Neeson.

1865
01:18:01.901 --> 01:18:02.966
I do.

1866
01:18:02.968 --> 01:18:04.702
- Let's just give it a shot.
- Yes!

1867
01:18:04.704 --> 01:18:06.002
Looks very heroic.

1868
01:18:06.004 --> 01:18:08.507
- I'll say that much.
- SARA: I mean, really. Man!

1869
01:18:10.410 --> 01:18:12.976
The front row? I don't know,
Brad.

1870
01:18:12.978 --> 01:18:14.577
- What about the...
- Dad, please stop!

1871
01:18:14.579 --> 01:18:15.746
It's gonna strain your eyes.

1872
01:18:15.748 --> 01:18:17.250
We don't have a choice,
all right?

1873
01:18:18.918 --> 01:18:20.654
DYLAN: Look, it's Mom and Brad!

1874
01:18:21.721 --> 01:18:23.186
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1875
01:18:23.188 --> 01:18:25.191
LIAM NEESON: <i>Santa's got
a present for you bastards.</i>

1876
01:18:28.060 --> 01:18:30.327
- (GUNSHOT)
- (MAN GROANS)

1877
01:18:30.329 --> 01:18:32.064
(LAUGHING)

1878
01:18:34.667 --> 01:18:37.201
<i>You're impounded, asshole.</i>

1879
01:18:37.203 --> 01:18:39.502
- BOY: <i>You did it, Daddy!</i>
- GIRL: <i>You killed them all.</i>

1880
01:18:39.504 --> 01:18:42.872
LIAM NEESON: <i>No, kids.
We did it. We killed them all.</i>

1881
01:18:42.874 --> 01:18:44.074
<i>Together.</i>

1882
01:18:44.076 --> 01:18:45.975
CHILDREN: <i>We love you, Daddy.</i>

1883
01:18:45.977 --> 01:18:47.877
LIAM NEESON: <i>I love you, too.</i>

1884
01:18:47.879 --> 01:18:51.051
<i>The only thing that matters
to me in this crazy world</i>

1885
01:18:51.484 --> 01:18:53.451
<i>is you kids.</i>

1886
01:18:53.453 --> 01:18:55.786
<i>And I'm sorry that your
holiday was ruined</i>

1887
01:18:55.788 --> 01:18:57.954
<i>by those godless mother...</i>

1888
01:18:57.956 --> 01:18:59.590
(DIALOGUE DISTORTS)

1889
01:18:59.592 --> 01:19:01.561
(AUDIENCE GROANING)

1890
01:19:04.597 --> 01:19:05.628
ROBERTO: Sorry, folks.

1891
01:19:05.630 --> 01:19:07.363
Looks like we're having
a bit of a power outage.

1892
01:19:07.365 --> 01:19:09.600
We don't know when
the power's gonna come back on,

1893
01:19:09.602 --> 01:19:12.336
so you guys are all welcome
to stay in here or in the lobby.

1894
01:19:12.338 --> 01:19:15.005
The DOT wants everybody to stay
inside and off the roads,

1895
01:19:15.007 --> 01:19:16.576
so we might be in here
for a while.

1896
01:19:19.078 --> 01:19:21.545
You know, I bet this is
because of the snow, too.

1897
01:19:21.547 --> 01:19:22.682
Gee, Dad, you think so?

1898
01:19:25.285 --> 01:19:27.220
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1899
01:19:49.374 --> 01:19:51.007
DON: I need to use the gent's.

1900
01:19:51.009 --> 01:19:52.475
Brad, do you need to go tee-tee?

1901
01:19:52.477 --> 01:19:54.144
Dad, don't say that in public!

1902
01:19:54.146 --> 01:19:55.414
- Just go.
- All right.

1903
01:19:57.784 --> 01:19:59.018
Is he still looking at me?

1904
01:20:00.718 --> 01:20:01.918
Yes.

1905
01:20:01.920 --> 01:20:04.190
Is he doing that one look that
he does? You know, like...

1906
01:20:06.125 --> 01:20:08.225
- Is he doing that look?
- Yeah.

1907
01:20:08.227 --> 01:20:10.497
Where he doesn't blink? Yeah.

1908
01:20:11.864 --> 01:20:13.066
Yep.

1909
01:20:13.632 --> 01:20:15.099
You know,

1910
01:20:15.101 --> 01:20:16.500
when I said that

1911
01:20:16.502 --> 01:20:18.969
Brad was turning you into
something that you're not?

1912
01:20:18.971 --> 01:20:21.904
Maybe, you know,
what I really meant to say

1913
01:20:21.906 --> 01:20:23.707
was that

1914
01:20:23.709 --> 01:20:26.445
Brad's turning you
into something that I'm not,

1915
01:20:26.812 --> 01:20:28.311
a good dad.

1916
01:20:28.313 --> 01:20:29.512
(SCOFFS)

1917
01:20:29.514 --> 01:20:31.415
No? No, that didn't
do it for you?

1918
01:20:31.417 --> 01:20:32.616
Come on.
I thought it was pretty good.

1919
01:20:32.618 --> 01:20:34.518
That whole speech
was in the movie we just saw.

1920
01:20:34.520 --> 01:20:35.952
- Was it?
- Yeah. Word for word.

1921
01:20:35.954 --> 01:20:37.253
Dramatic pauses and all.

1922
01:20:37.255 --> 01:20:38.421
Liam Neeson just said that.

1923
01:20:38.423 --> 01:20:41.091
It must've been in my
subconscious.

1924
01:20:41.093 --> 01:20:42.458
I'm gonna go drain the lizard.

1925
01:20:42.460 --> 01:20:43.463
Yeah. Yeah.

1926
01:20:48.433 --> 01:20:51.068
Whoa!
That is a very impressive

1927
01:20:51.070 --> 01:20:53.606
watch. Is that a Rolex?
Mine's a Casio.

1928
01:20:59.544 --> 01:21:00.547
(SIGHS)

1929
01:21:03.583 --> 01:21:05.582
You know what, Kurt?

1930
01:21:05.584 --> 01:21:06.516
When we first met,

1931
01:21:06.518 --> 01:21:09.386
I was so excited about
our being co-grandpas.

1932
01:21:09.388 --> 01:21:12.725
And now everybody's miserable!
And my son won't forgive me.

1933
01:21:13.927 --> 01:21:15.594
You know what you and Brad
really need?

1934
01:21:16.594 --> 01:21:18.061
Oh, no.

1935
01:21:18.063 --> 01:21:20.863
I'm not taking any advice
from the likes of you.

1936
01:21:20.865 --> 01:21:22.134
No, thank you.

1937
01:21:25.637 --> 01:21:27.206
Okay, what do we need?

1938
01:21:30.276 --> 01:21:32.542
- Hey! Adrianna's here!
- ADRIANNA: Megan!

1939
01:21:32.544 --> 01:21:33.676
Hi!

1940
01:21:33.678 --> 01:21:36.346
- I can't shake this guy.
- I can't shake this guy.

1941
01:21:36.348 --> 01:21:37.848
- You guys got stuck here, too?
- ADRIANNA: Yeah.

1942
01:21:37.850 --> 01:21:41.551
And, Dylan, look who else
got stuck. Your girlfriend!

1943
01:21:41.553 --> 01:21:42.987
MEGAN: We should put her under
the mistletoe.

1944
01:21:42.989 --> 01:21:44.054
ADRIANNA: Yeah!

1945
01:21:44.056 --> 01:21:46.226
- Come on, stay under.
- Stay.

1946
01:21:49.128 --> 01:21:51.331
You like that girl, don't you?

1947
01:21:51.931 --> 01:21:53.133
Hmm.

1948
01:21:53.566 --> 01:21:54.465
Well,

1949
01:21:54.467 --> 01:21:57.868
who knocked down a pin
all by himself?

1950
01:21:57.870 --> 01:22:00.002
- I did?
- Damn right, you did.

1951
01:22:00.004 --> 01:22:02.073
Now go in there
and pick up that spare.

1952
01:22:02.075 --> 01:22:03.910
Here she is, Dylan!

1953
01:22:04.977 --> 01:22:06.846
It just doesn't seem right.

1954
01:22:08.646 --> 01:22:09.512
Brad?

1955
01:22:09.514 --> 01:22:11.918
Dad, I really don't want to...

1956
01:22:12.817 --> 01:22:13.818
Jeez.

1957
01:22:13.820 --> 01:22:16.787
We're gonna settle this
physically, like men!

1958
01:22:16.789 --> 01:22:19.256
And when it's all over, we're
gonna feel a whole lot better.

1959
01:22:19.258 --> 01:22:21.391
At least somebody's
taking my advice today.

1960
01:22:21.393 --> 01:22:23.092
Cut it out! This is child abuse!
Honey, help me!

1961
01:22:23.094 --> 01:22:24.694
Don't be such a snowflake.
Fight back!

1962
01:22:24.696 --> 01:22:25.962
Hey, guys, come on,
knock it off.

1963
01:22:25.964 --> 01:22:27.029
You're making a scene,
all right?

1964
01:22:27.031 --> 01:22:28.331
Yeah, Don, lean on him!

1965
01:22:28.333 --> 01:22:30.870
Engage me, son,
for the sake of our male bond.

1966
01:22:33.204 --> 01:22:34.806
No, wait, wait, look. Look!

1967
01:22:35.340 --> 01:22:37.442
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

1968
01:22:39.645 --> 01:22:41.281
What's he doing?

1969
01:22:46.919 --> 01:22:49.086
Oh, my God. He's going in
for his first kiss.

1970
01:22:49.088 --> 01:22:50.686
Look, she's standing
under the mistletoe.

1971
01:22:50.688 --> 01:22:52.355
Oh, my God. Where's my phone?
Where's my phone?

1972
01:22:52.357 --> 01:22:54.024
Oh, my God, where's your phone?

1973
01:22:54.026 --> 01:22:55.326
Brad, where's your phone!

1974
01:22:55.328 --> 01:22:58.461
Okay, it's right here.
Right here. Yeah. Yeah.

1975
01:22:58.463 --> 01:23:00.899
Look how brave he is.
She's all yours, buddy.

1976
01:23:02.034 --> 01:23:03.301
Unless she's
got a boyfriend.

1977
01:23:03.303 --> 01:23:04.601
In that case,
there's always the Friend Zone.

1978
01:23:04.603 --> 01:23:05.836
No, there's nothing wrong
with the Friend Zone.

1979
01:23:05.838 --> 01:23:07.003
Guys, he's not going
in the Friend Zone, okay?

1980
01:23:07.005 --> 01:23:08.070
Look at that smile.
She likes him.

1981
01:23:08.072 --> 01:23:09.776
KURT: Yeah, she wants a kiss.

1982
01:23:36.869 --> 01:23:38.301
My God, he kissed his sister!

1983
01:23:38.303 --> 01:23:40.005
Congratulations, you lucky gal.

1984
01:23:41.472 --> 01:23:44.107
I did it, El Padre!
I kissed the girl I like!

1985
01:23:44.109 --> 01:23:47.177
Yeah! Attaboy! (LAUGHS)

1986
01:23:47.179 --> 01:23:50.581
Did you just kiss your sister?
You sick kid!

1987
01:23:50.583 --> 01:23:51.649
Stepsister.

1988
01:23:51.651 --> 01:23:53.417
I mean, still not okay,
I know that.

1989
01:23:53.419 --> 01:23:55.452
What? No, no, wait, he's just
a little confused, all right?

1990
01:23:55.454 --> 01:23:57.153
It's no surprise
when you look at who raised him.

1991
01:23:57.155 --> 01:23:58.921
Adrianna, come on.
We're going home.

1992
01:23:58.923 --> 01:24:00.890
Wait, wait, Roger,
you can't go out in that storm.

1993
01:24:00.892 --> 01:24:03.961
I was an alternate for Season 3
<i>Ice Road Truckers.</i>

1994
01:24:03.963 --> 01:24:04.964
I'll be fine.

1995
01:24:06.432 --> 01:24:07.867
That was their best season.

1996
01:24:08.667 --> 01:24:10.234
I got this.

1997
01:24:10.236 --> 01:24:11.734
Wait a minute.
Roger, hold up, man.

1998
01:24:11.736 --> 01:24:14.471
No. From now on, I don't want
you anywhere near my daughter.

1999
01:24:14.473 --> 01:24:16.206
I don't want anything to do
with any of you people!

2000
01:24:16.208 --> 01:24:18.341
Look, I never wanted to be
family with you, either, Roger.

2001
01:24:18.343 --> 01:24:21.110
Just like Brad never wanted to be
family with me, did you, Brad?

2002
01:24:21.112 --> 01:24:22.846
No. Not at all. I hated your
guts.

2003
01:24:22.848 --> 01:24:25.015
In fact, I still kind of do
right now.

2004
01:24:25.017 --> 01:24:26.349
Yeah. Me, too, Brad.

2005
01:24:26.351 --> 01:24:28.085
But we're all connected
by these kids.

2006
01:24:28.087 --> 01:24:29.519
No one's going anywhere.

2007
01:24:29.521 --> 01:24:31.454
- You gonna stop me?
- If I have to, yes.

2008
01:24:31.456 --> 01:24:33.726
Yeah, right. You couldn't stop
a clock, you weak tit.

2009
01:24:34.892 --> 01:24:36.328
The hammer.

2010
01:24:39.397 --> 01:24:40.963
You know what, Adrianna?

2011
01:24:40.965 --> 01:24:44.370
You're not gonna like this, young
lady, but this is long overdue.

2012
01:24:47.772 --> 01:24:48.775
I love you.

2013
01:24:50.476 --> 01:24:52.408
- That got me.
- Got me, too. Right here.

2014
01:24:52.410 --> 01:24:53.644
What the hell did you just say?

2015
01:24:53.646 --> 01:24:55.144
You heard me.
I said, I love my stepdaughter!

2016
01:24:55.146 --> 01:24:57.448
And I meant it. I should've said
it a long time ago,

2017
01:24:57.450 --> 01:25:01.454
but I was afraid to put myself out
there and risk getting rejected.

2018
01:25:01.853 --> 01:25:02.920
Sweet.

2019
01:25:02.922 --> 01:25:04.755
You know what?

2020
01:25:04.757 --> 01:25:07.460
Adrianna, you're gonna spend
Christmas with your mom, okay?

2021
01:25:09.428 --> 01:25:11.595
You're not leaving us, Roger.

2022
01:25:11.597 --> 01:25:13.333
'Cause I love you, too.

2023
01:25:15.467 --> 01:25:17.568
- You take that back!
- Nope. I can't.

2024
01:25:17.570 --> 01:25:18.702
Can't take it back now.

2025
01:25:18.704 --> 01:25:20.670
Everybody heard it.
It's out there.

2026
01:25:20.672 --> 01:25:23.541
- Everybody hear it?
- CROWD: Yeah.

2027
01:25:23.543 --> 01:25:25.208
You're her dad,
you made her who she is,

2028
01:25:25.210 --> 01:25:28.378
and despite her currently harboring a
fair amount of resentment towards me,

2029
01:25:28.380 --> 01:25:30.613
I love her, so that means
I love you, too.

2030
01:25:30.615 --> 01:25:32.582
And I've never been too good
about saying it,

2031
01:25:32.584 --> 01:25:34.284
but I'm gonna follow Brad's
example,

2032
01:25:34.286 --> 01:25:35.552
who I also love.

2033
01:25:35.554 --> 01:25:37.787
Now you're just saying things
to choke me up.

2034
01:25:37.789 --> 01:25:38.889
Brad! Cut it out.

2035
01:25:38.891 --> 01:25:41.024
- I'm trying.
- I'm a hot mess here.

2036
01:25:41.026 --> 01:25:42.792
- Don, please!
- You've got to understand,

2037
01:25:42.794 --> 01:25:44.828
when it comes out of nowhere
like that,

2038
01:25:44.830 --> 01:25:45.729
what do you expect?

2039
01:25:45.731 --> 01:25:46.997
- Stop!
- I'm stopping.

2040
01:25:46.999 --> 01:25:48.498
- I'm currently stopping.
- We're...

2041
01:25:48.500 --> 01:25:50.833
Yeah, guys. Cut it out,
you're embarrassing me.

2042
01:25:50.835 --> 01:25:52.202
I love you, Brad.

2043
01:25:52.204 --> 01:25:54.005
And I love Karen, I love Sara,

2044
01:25:54.973 --> 01:25:56.007
and I love my kids.

2045
01:25:59.579 --> 01:26:00.813
I...

2046
01:26:04.115 --> 01:26:06.049
I might need a little more
time with that one.

2047
01:26:06.051 --> 01:26:07.217
Sure, understood.

2048
01:26:07.219 --> 01:26:09.152
But we're making progress.
Maybe for your birthday.

2049
01:26:09.154 --> 01:26:10.319
Yeah.

2050
01:26:10.321 --> 01:26:12.155
You know. Unless you
want to say anything?

2051
01:26:12.157 --> 01:26:13.791
- Anything at all?
- DON: Say it, Kurt.

2052
01:26:13.793 --> 01:26:15.792
- Now's the time.
- Just say it, Kurt.

2053
01:26:15.794 --> 01:26:16.926
DUSTY:
You want to say anything?

2054
01:26:16.928 --> 01:26:18.729
BRAD: It's not that bad.
Just say it.

2055
01:26:18.731 --> 01:26:21.399
- You can do it.
- Do it.

2056
01:26:21.401 --> 01:26:24.301
Nah, the birthday's a good
target. Good target.

2057
01:26:24.303 --> 01:26:26.202
All right, Roger,
what do you say?

2058
01:26:26.204 --> 01:26:29.008
It's not too late to spend
Christmas with your family.

2059
01:26:36.048 --> 01:26:37.650
(CROWD GROANING)

2060
01:26:40.820 --> 01:26:42.588
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2061
01:26:48.127 --> 01:26:50.797
<i>♪ It's Christmastime</i>

2062
01:26:51.830 --> 01:26:55.500
<i>♪ There's no need to be
afraid, Roger</i>

2063
01:26:56.468 --> 01:26:59.302
<i>♪ At Christmastime</i>

2064
01:26:59.304 --> 01:27:02.738
<i>♪ We let in light and we
banish shade</i>

2065
01:27:02.740 --> 01:27:04.675
Damn, that's my favorite
song of all time.

2066
01:27:04.677 --> 01:27:09.113
<i>♪ And in our world of plenty</i>

2067
01:27:09.115 --> 01:27:13.350
<i>♪ We can spread a smile of joy</i>

2068
01:27:13.352 --> 01:27:17.086
<i>♪ Throw your arms around the
world</i>

2069
01:27:17.088 --> 01:27:19.958
<i>♪ At Christmastime</i>

2070
01:27:21.560 --> 01:27:23.495
<i>♪ But say a prayer</i>

2071
01:27:25.563 --> 01:27:28.064
<i>♪ Pray for the other ones!</i>

2072
01:27:28.066 --> 01:27:30.132
I'll play this in August,
I don't even care.

2073
01:27:30.134 --> 01:27:32.168
<i>♪ At Christmastime</i>

2074
01:27:32.170 --> 01:27:37.841
<i>♪ It's hard, but when you're
having fun</i>

2075
01:27:37.843 --> 01:27:42.779
<i>♪ There's a world outside
your window</i>

2076
01:27:42.781 --> 01:27:46.817
<i>♪ It's a world of dread and
fear</i>

2077
01:27:46.819 --> 01:27:51.421
<i>♪ Where the only water
flowing is</i>

2078
01:27:51.423 --> 01:27:55.158
<i>♪ The bitter sting of tears</i>

2079
01:27:55.160 --> 01:27:59.430
<i>♪ And the Christmas bells
that ring there</i>

2080
01:27:59.432 --> 01:28:03.166
<i>♪ Are the clanging chimes of
doom</i>

2081
01:28:03.168 --> 01:28:06.539
<i>♪ Well, tonight thank God
it's them</i>

2082
01:28:07.172 --> 01:28:09.842
<i>♪ Instead of you ♪</i>

2083
01:28:10.409 --> 01:28:12.210
Yes! Fantastic!

2084
01:28:17.281 --> 01:28:18.817
He heard it!

2085
01:28:28.259 --> 01:28:29.294
Come on, Roger.

2086
01:28:31.362 --> 01:28:33.497
Look. Yes, we're all stuck here,

2087
01:28:33.499 --> 01:28:35.465
but we're with our loved ones.

2088
01:28:35.467 --> 01:28:37.567
I'm not. I came alone.

2089
01:28:37.569 --> 01:28:39.135
Okay, well,

2090
01:28:39.137 --> 01:28:41.704
he came to the movies alone on
Christmas, and that's a little sad.

2091
01:28:41.706 --> 01:28:43.875
<i>♪ That's a little sad! ♪</i>

2092
01:28:44.709 --> 01:28:46.243
But you're not alone, sir.

2093
01:28:46.245 --> 01:28:49.579
I mean, think about it. We come
to the movies all the time.

2094
01:28:49.581 --> 01:28:51.715
We sit with hundreds of people.

2095
01:28:51.717 --> 01:28:55.452
And we laugh together,
we cry together,

2096
01:28:55.454 --> 01:28:57.787
but we never look at each other,
do we?

2097
01:28:57.789 --> 01:29:00.756
Brad, it's not a microphone,
it's a mallet. See?

2098
01:29:00.758 --> 01:29:02.792
- They can hear you.
- You can still hear me, right?

2099
01:29:02.794 --> 01:29:04.327
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

2100
01:29:04.329 --> 01:29:06.262
Take a look at each other.

2101
01:29:06.264 --> 01:29:07.930
- That's right.
- Hi.

2102
01:29:07.932 --> 01:29:10.934
BRAD: Give a hug.
Give an embrace.

2103
01:29:10.936 --> 01:29:14.703
What we have here are the makings
of a really great Christmas party.

2104
01:29:14.705 --> 01:29:16.439
We have a Christmas tree.

2105
01:29:16.441 --> 01:29:18.608
We have music and snacks.

2106
01:29:18.610 --> 01:29:20.476
We have Christmas spirit.

2107
01:29:20.478 --> 01:29:21.912
We have mirth.

2108
01:29:21.914 --> 01:29:23.046
We have snow!

2109
01:29:23.048 --> 01:29:25.148
DUSTY: You know who doesn't
have snow?

2110
01:29:25.150 --> 01:29:27.687
I'll bet he knows who doesn't
have snow, don't you?

2111
01:29:30.188 --> 01:29:32.357
Yeah. Yeah, I know.

2112
01:29:33.325 --> 01:29:35.492
I know where there isn't snow.

2113
01:29:35.494 --> 01:29:39.595
<i>♪ And there won't be snow in
Africa</i>

2114
01:29:39.597 --> 01:29:42.334
<i>♪ This Christmastime!</i>

2115
01:29:44.203 --> 01:29:49.909
<i>♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?</i>

2116
01:29:52.410 --> 01:29:53.877
Merry Christmas!

2117
01:29:53.879 --> 01:29:55.615
Merry Christmas, folks!

2118
01:29:57.115 --> 01:30:01.018
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2119
01:30:01.020 --> 01:30:05.255
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2120
01:30:05.257 --> 01:30:07.390
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2121
01:30:07.392 --> 01:30:09.193
What?

2122
01:30:09.195 --> 01:30:12.162
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime ♪</i>

2123
01:30:12.164 --> 01:30:14.264
"Sara.

2124
01:30:14.266 --> 01:30:16.265
"Beautiful and smart.

2125
01:30:16.267 --> 01:30:19.034
"The mom that everyone loves"?

2126
01:30:19.036 --> 01:30:22.007
Oh, my God.
She's basing a character on me!

2127
01:30:22.540 --> 01:30:23.743
(GIGGLING)

2128
01:30:25.776 --> 01:30:27.946
(ALL CONTINUE SINGING)

2129
01:30:56.709 --> 01:30:58.210
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

2130
01:30:58.843 --> 01:31:00.076
DUSTY: All right, guys.

2131
01:31:00.078 --> 01:31:01.310
We're not gonna see them again
till Easter,

2132
01:31:01.312 --> 01:31:03.046
so everybody say good-bye
to El Padre and Pop-Pop.

2133
01:31:03.048 --> 01:31:04.948
- Bye, Dylan.
- Good-bye, El Padre!

2134
01:31:04.950 --> 01:31:06.315
Hey, next time you want
to shoot a guy,

2135
01:31:06.317 --> 01:31:09.318
don't just wing him,
go for center mass, okay?

2136
01:31:09.320 --> 01:31:10.355
Good-bye, Adrianna.

2137
01:31:12.624 --> 01:31:14.657
I don't want you to go, Pop-Pop!

2138
01:31:14.659 --> 01:31:15.891
- Really?
- Yeah, really?

2139
01:31:15.893 --> 01:31:17.260
Sure. Of course, he gets a hug.

2140
01:31:17.262 --> 01:31:20.363
Maybe you can call me and tell
me more Pop-Pop stories.

2141
01:31:20.365 --> 01:31:21.898
I would love to!

2142
01:31:21.900 --> 01:31:24.301
Oh. And I also signed you up
for SeniorMatch.com.

2143
01:31:24.303 --> 01:31:26.702
It's a dating website
for old people like you.

2144
01:31:26.704 --> 01:31:28.306
Thank you, sweetie.

2145
01:31:29.007 --> 01:31:30.908
Honey, it's your mom texting.

2146
01:31:30.910 --> 01:31:32.676
They're just getting
off the plane.

2147
01:31:32.678 --> 01:31:34.109
I'd better go
before they get here.

2148
01:31:34.111 --> 01:31:36.145
I don't want to make anything
awkward.

2149
01:31:36.147 --> 01:31:38.482
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, big man.

2150
01:31:38.484 --> 01:31:41.087
- Love you.
- I love you, too, Brad.

2151
01:31:42.120 --> 01:31:44.323
Hey, well, yeah,
you have a good flight.

2152
01:31:57.736 --> 01:31:59.702
Yeah, let's not get that going.

2153
01:31:59.704 --> 01:32:00.936
I agree. You've got to start
that younger.

2154
01:32:00.938 --> 01:32:02.137
We missed that window.

2155
01:32:02.139 --> 01:32:03.405
I really appreciate the gesture.

2156
01:32:03.407 --> 01:32:04.541
You do? Then okay.

2157
01:32:04.543 --> 01:32:06.743
- Hey. I'll see you, kid.
- See you soon, yeah.

2158
01:32:06.745 --> 01:32:08.144
Yeah, bye, kid.

2159
01:32:08.146 --> 01:32:10.816
- Are you coming, Pop-Pop?
- Come on, Captain!

2160
01:32:11.348 --> 01:32:13.116
Bye, Dad.

2161
01:32:13.118 --> 01:32:15.118
You know, Don,
I've been thinking.

2162
01:32:15.120 --> 01:32:16.720
You don't need a dating app.

2163
01:32:16.722 --> 01:32:19.020
What you need is a wingman.

2164
01:32:19.022 --> 01:32:20.657
I switched our flights to Vegas.

2165
01:32:20.659 --> 01:32:22.759
New Year's at Caesar's,
fix you right up.

2166
01:32:22.761 --> 01:32:24.894
That sounds wonderful!

2167
01:32:24.896 --> 01:32:26.896
Where are we connecting through?

2168
01:32:26.898 --> 01:32:28.966
Don't start with me, Pop-Pop.

2169
01:32:28.968 --> 01:32:31.167
Hey, Braddie.
Don't be nervous now.

2170
01:32:31.169 --> 01:32:35.104
You are the kindest, most gentle
and honest guy I know.

2171
01:32:35.106 --> 01:32:37.774
And whoever your mother
brings down that escalator,

2172
01:32:37.776 --> 01:32:39.376
he's gonna love you,
you hear me?

2173
01:32:39.378 --> 01:32:40.513
Grandma!

2174
01:32:44.650 --> 01:32:46.252
Is that Sully?

2175
01:32:46.817 --> 01:32:48.351
Wait, wait, who?

2176
01:32:48.353 --> 01:32:49.585
DUSTY: Sully Sullenberger.

2177
01:32:49.587 --> 01:32:52.421
The guy who saved 155 passengers
on the miracle on the Hudson!

2178
01:32:52.423 --> 01:32:54.224
Clint Eastwood made
a frickin' movie about it.

2179
01:32:54.226 --> 01:32:56.091
Wait. We watched it at your
house, it was awesome!

2180
01:32:56.093 --> 01:32:57.560
Right. Tom Hanks
and Aaron Eckhart.

2181
01:32:57.562 --> 01:32:59.061
I really enjoyed it.

2182
01:32:59.063 --> 01:33:01.834
That guy is a national hero,
and he's gonna be your stepdad.

2183
01:33:02.200 --> 01:33:03.132
Wow. Amazing.

2184
01:33:03.134 --> 01:33:05.135
I bet you he gets free flight
vouchers.

2185
01:33:05.137 --> 01:33:07.136
And maybe get us some vouchers!

2186
01:33:07.138 --> 01:33:08.171
Maybe.

2187
01:33:08.173 --> 01:33:10.840
Well, don't make him wait.
Go say hi. Go! Go!

2188
01:33:10.842 --> 01:33:12.044
MEGAN: Grandma!

2189
01:33:13.512 --> 01:33:15.644
You must be Brad.

2190
01:33:15.646 --> 01:33:16.712
Nope.

2191
01:33:16.714 --> 01:33:18.648
- No, Brad.
- You're not my dad!

2192
01:33:18.650 --> 01:33:19.881
Brad, no, that's a mistake!

2193
01:33:19.883 --> 01:33:21.818
I don't care how
many lives you saved!

2194
01:33:21.820 --> 01:33:24.322
You'll never replace him,
do you hear me?

2195
01:33:26.624 --> 01:33:28.425
Brad, he's so nice! Come back!

2196
01:33:28.427 --> 01:33:32.431
You only have one good story,
my father has a million!

2197
01:33:34.900 --> 01:33:37.002
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

2198
01:35:06.258 --> 01:35:11.728
<i>♪ 103.6
The Panda ♪</i>

2199
01:35:11.730 --> 01:35:13.628
<i>You're listening to
Jason Sinclair at the Panda,</i>

2200
01:35:13.630 --> 01:35:16.198
<i>and I've got a little holiday
recipe for you tonight.</i>

2201
01:35:16.200 --> 01:35:19.301
<i>Two cups of eggnog,
one serving of silk pajamas,</i>

2202
01:35:19.303 --> 01:35:22.005
<i>and a heaping helping of a
loved one.</i>

2203
01:35:22.007 --> 01:35:24.640
<i>And I'm gonna add a pinch of
smooth jazz</i>

2204
01:35:24.642 --> 01:35:26.408
<i>on the Panda.</i>

2205
01:35:26.410 --> 01:35:27.976
<i>And I have one question
for you.</i>

2206
01:35:27.978 --> 01:35:29.244
<i>Do you know what time it is?</i>

2207
01:35:29.246 --> 01:35:31.482
<i>♪ It's Christmastime</i>

2208
01:35:33.051 --> 01:35:37.519
<i>♪ There's no need to be
afraid, Roger</i>

2209
01:35:37.521 --> 01:35:44.195
<i>♪ At Christmastime We let in
light and we banish shade</i>

2210
01:35:45.664 --> 01:35:50.332
<i>♪ And in our world of plenty</i>

2211
01:35:50.334 --> 01:35:54.537
<i>♪ We can spread a smile of joy</i>

2212
01:35:54.539 --> 01:35:58.006
<i>♪ Throw your arms around the
world</i>

2213
01:35:58.008 --> 01:36:00.545
<i>♪ At Christmastime</i>

2214
01:36:02.681 --> 01:36:04.450
<i>♪ But say a prayer</i>

2215
01:36:06.718 --> 01:36:10.953
<i>♪ Pray for the other ones!</i>

2216
01:36:10.955 --> 01:36:13.489
<i>♪ At Christmastime</i>

2217
01:36:13.491 --> 01:36:19.128
<i>♪ It's hard, but when you're
having fun</i>

2218
01:36:19.130 --> 01:36:24.067
<i>♪ There's a world outside
your window</i>

2219
01:36:24.069 --> 01:36:28.136
<i>♪ It's a world of dread and
fear</i>

2220
01:36:28.138 --> 01:36:32.708
<i>♪ Where the only water
flowing is</i>

2221
01:36:32.710 --> 01:36:35.580
<i>♪ The bitter sting of tears</i>

2222
01:36:36.681 --> 01:36:38.648
<i>♪ And the Christmas bells</i>

2223
01:36:38.650 --> 01:36:40.550
<i>♪ That ring there</i>

2224
01:36:40.552 --> 01:36:44.487
<i>♪ Are the clanging chimes of
doom</i>

2225
01:36:44.489 --> 01:36:48.225
<i>♪ Well, tonight thank God
it's them</i>

2226
01:36:48.227 --> 01:36:51.764
<i>♪ Instead of you</i>

2227
01:36:53.164 --> 01:36:57.132
<i>♪ And there won't be snow in
Africa</i>

2228
01:36:57.134 --> 01:37:00.071
<i>♪ This Christmastime!</i>

2229
01:37:01.706 --> 01:37:07.079
<i>♪ The greatest gift
They'll get this year is life</i>

2230
01:37:07.712 --> 01:37:09.912
<i>♪ Life, life</i>

2231
01:37:09.914 --> 01:37:14.050
<i>♪ Where nothing ever grows</i>

2232
01:37:14.052 --> 01:37:17.522
<i>♪ No rain nor rivers flow</i>

2233
01:37:18.624 --> 01:37:25.197
<i>♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?</i>

2234
01:37:27.098 --> 01:37:28.898
<i>♪ Here's to you</i>

2235
01:37:28.900 --> 01:37:31.333
<i>♪ Raise a glass for everyone</i>

2236
01:37:31.335 --> 01:37:32.935
<i>♪ Here's to them</i>

2237
01:37:32.937 --> 01:37:35.372
<i>♪ Underneath that burning sun</i>

2238
01:37:35.374 --> 01:37:40.612
<i>♪ Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?</i>

2239
01:37:56.562 --> 01:38:00.462
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2240
01:38:00.464 --> 01:38:04.801
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2241
01:38:04.803 --> 01:38:08.738
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2242
01:38:08.740 --> 01:38:13.042
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2243
01:38:13.044 --> 01:38:17.146
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2244
01:38:17.148 --> 01:38:21.283
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2245
01:38:21.285 --> 01:38:25.488
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2246
01:38:25.490 --> 01:38:29.792
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2247
01:38:29.794 --> 01:38:33.695
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2248
01:38:33.697 --> 01:38:38.134
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime</i>

2249
01:38:38.136 --> 01:38:42.005
<i>♪ Feed the world</i>

2250
01:38:42.007 --> 01:38:48.547
<i>♪ Let them know it's
Christmastime again ♪</i>

2251
01:38:51.848 --> 01:38:54.650
You know. Last year, the folks
at St. Benedict's, they...

2252
01:38:54.652 --> 01:38:56.252
They had a... A modern-dress
Nativity.

2253
01:38:56.254 --> 01:38:59.956
Everybody hated it at first, but you
know the folks at St. Benedict's,

2254
01:38:59.958 --> 01:39:01.524
they got back at 'em, all right.

2255
01:39:01.526 --> 01:39:04.426
They won the prize for most
original.

2256
01:39:04.428 --> 01:39:07.863
Then, of course, you have
the Maplewood Christians.

2257
01:39:07.865 --> 01:39:12.537
They had a kind of friendly
competition with the Nazarenes,

2258
01:39:13.338 --> 01:39:16.872
and took all their hay
last year.

2259
01:39:16.874 --> 01:39:18.810
Yeah, you just try setting up

2260
01:39:19.910 --> 01:39:21.943
a Nativity without hay.

2261
01:39:21.945 --> 01:39:23.814
Merry Christmas, fellas!

2262
01:39:28.664 --> 01:39:33.664
Subtitles by explosiveskull