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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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Edgar Wright:
Stage 13 of the Tour de France,

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quite possibly
the most difficult climb

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of the entire race.

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But one rider,
Italy's JuJu Peppi,

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is absolutely burning up
this mountain...

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(heart beating)
...nearing the top
of the Pyrenees

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minutes ahead of the pack.

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He's practically
dancing on the pedals

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as he blasts
past other riders,

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showing no signs of fatigue.

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Jon Hamm (narrating):
The Tour de France, the crème
de la crème of cycling.

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At some point during
the three-week race,

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half the world
will tune in.

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With 3.5 billion viewers,
it is far and away

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the most-watched
sporting event on Earth,

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but it is also perhaps
the most controversial.

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Wright:
JuJu's opened
an impressive lead

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with his
record-setting pace.

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JuJu now relieving himself,

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which is a thing
that cyclists actually do,

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and he's making quite a mess

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as he continues
to burn up the mountainside.

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(heart beating)
Unbelievable!
JuJu Peppi's legs pumping away,

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pushing his body
to its absolute limits!

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(shouting)
How is he doing this?

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How is he doing this?
(heart beating faster)

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Hamm:
And just then...
(heartbeat stops)

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...JuJu Peppi's
heart exploded.

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♪ ♪

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Wright: Here we go!
He's into the tuck
for the downhill.

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No one even knew
he was dead

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for about
12 kilometers.

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Wright:
Look at that form!

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He's perfectly still
for optimum wind resistance!

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Hamm:
He died...
with his dick out.

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In the autopsy,
they found out

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JuJu was on EPO
and cocaine.

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Also, some insulin
and anabolic steroids,

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Oxabolone
and Nandrolone.

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Trace amounts
of Norethandrolone
and Furazabol.

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They even
found some heroin
in his system.

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There was
also Letrozole
and Cyclazadone,

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some estrogen
receptor modulators,

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Raloxifene
and Tamoxifen--

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probably to ward off
breast growth.

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A lot of Oxycodone
in his blood,

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Phentermine as well.

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Ortetamine,
Bunolol,
and Labetalol.

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Plus he had
apparently
huffed ethanol

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and taken
a couple MDAs.

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He had clearly smoked
some crystal meth
and/or crack,

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and there was a hormone
from monkey testicles

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that he had cooked down
into a broth that he drank.

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He also
had apparently eaten

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at least one sandwich
from Arby's.

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(crowd cheering)
Hamm: JuJu Peppi
gave himself a huge edge

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at the 1982
Tour de France with
performance-enhancing drugs.

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Man:
Oh my God!
(crashes)

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(people screaming)
Man: What the fuck?
Jesus Christ!

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Hamm:
But he was far
from alone that year.

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In what has
now become known
as the Tour de Pharmacy,

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athletes took drug abuse
to a level never seen before
or thereafter,

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creating supermen
in Superman spandex,

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attempting to traverse
2,179 miles

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and over some
of the most treacherous
mountain ranges on the planet.

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But how do you tell
the story of a bike race,

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the story
of 170 extreme personalities

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all vying
for a common goal?

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You probably could,
but it would take forever.

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Luckily, we only have to tell
the story of five of them.

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(bicycles whizzing past)

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(bicycle bell dings)

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♪ ♪

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Rex Honeycut:
Well, the atmosphere
is positively electric

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as the town of Basel
has gathered to greet

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the riders who have come
from all over the world.

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Here's one now,
arriving all the way
from the United States,

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Slim Robinson.
Hey.

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Hi, Slim. Welcome.

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Slim Robinson was
sports royalty.

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His uncle was
Jackie Robinson,
who, of course,

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was the first black man
in professional baseball.

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And throughout
his life, Slim excelled
at many different sports,

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but obviously struggled
to stand out like his uncle,

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because he wasn't
the only black athlete...

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until he found cycling,

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which was very white.

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And it made him happy,
because it was the last sport

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where he could break
the color line.

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My uncle was
the first black
something.

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I wanted to be
the first black
something too.

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First one to ever
do it, baby. Woo!

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Slim Robinson!

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Seeing another
black man
on a bicycle was

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a huge deal
for me, you know?

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So, a lot
of people think
of me as a boxer,

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but what they really didn't know
is that I love bicycles.

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(video game
music playing)
When I was a kid,

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I got a Schwinn bicycle,
and, man, I would ride

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that bicycle all over
New York City.

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But then one day
my bicycle was stolen.

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(engine revs)

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(wailing)

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When I finally found out
who stole my bicycle,

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I beat the shit
outta that kid, man.

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And I realized, "Hey,

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I'm a better fighter
than I am a cyclist."

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And this is how
I became a boxer.

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(bell dings)

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My whole life,
people have been referring

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to me as the nephew
of Jackie Robinson.

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But I think
after what I do here today,

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they're gonna start
calling him "Slim's uncle."

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Really? You think
that people will start

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to call Jackie Robinson
"Slim's uncle"?

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Absolutely. Yeah.
I disagree.

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Hamm:
But what no one knew
was that the color barrier

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would not be
the only barrier
to fall that year.

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Because
I am woman,

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everyone think
I cannot do what
a man can do.

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"How can you ride
without the dick
and the balls?

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How can you ride
a bike with a...

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how you say?
You say "pussy."

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So, this is why I had
to disguise myself as a man.

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Honeycut: Adrian Baton,
the great French mystery.

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Being your first Tour,
were you rattled by anything?

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The-- the shaving of legs.

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I've never done this before,

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so this is
a first, uh...
(scoffs)

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I am a man,
you are a man.
We don't shave our legs.

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Right, but as a cyclist,
it's essential, isn't it?

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But it is weird.

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It was my first time talking
in public as a man...

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Someone smells of lilac.
Is it her?

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(sniffs)
Oh, yes, uh,

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very lilac
and very hot.

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Ho, ho, ho, ho,
what a hot chick.

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...and I think I nailed it.

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Hamm:
There were still other firsts
at the '82 Tour,

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including the appearance
of Marty Hass,

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the first-ever
African cyclist.

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Marty Hass. Marty Hass.
Africa! What's up, Africa?

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Feeling strong,
ready for the race?
Woo!

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Marty:
Oh, I was--
I was just, uh,

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psyched,
psyched, psyched
to be there,

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you know,
representing
Nigeria

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and all my
Nigerian brothers
and chicks.

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Marty's father owned
a diamond mine

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near Nigeria's capital...
(boy giggles)

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...where he went
to an all-American
private school.

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He rarely associated
with actual Nigerians.

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At a young age,
Marty established himself
as the country's best cyclist,

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because everyone else was
on bicycles made out of wood.

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But on a serious note, Rex,

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it is truly an honor
to be here to represent Africa,

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because-- I don't know
if you know this, but Africa's

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actually going through
some pretty weak stuff.

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Right.
For example, oftentimes,
it'll get pretty warm there.

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Here in Nigeria,
we hate Marty Hass.

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Marty Hass would
walk into a bar,

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then he would go
over to the jukebox

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and put on Bob Marley, "Legend,"

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and be shouting,
"African music!"

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Jamaica is not in Africa.

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Well, you seem
very, very proud
of your homeland.

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Indeed I am.
You know, I miss it.

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Being here in France,
I miss it back home,

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and... I bless the rains
down in Africa.

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Right, right,
like the song.

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Oh, I'm not familiar
with that.

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It's the lyrics
to the Toto song, "Africa."

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Uh, I'm not familiar
with that.

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But at any rate,
it's gonna take a lot...

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Both:
To drag me
away from you.

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From you. That's what
I was gonna say!
Shall we do it in harmony?

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That's so bizarre.
I was gonna say,

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"Drag me away from you,
from this great interview."

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Real Africans didn't like
that song, "Africa."

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That's why he was lying.

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You ever seen the dudes
in the band Toto?

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Those dudes shouldn't
be singing about Africa.

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Hamm: There's
an "honor among thieves"
code in cycling,

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and openly discussing the use
of performance-enhancing drugs

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is certainly off-limits.

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But we found
one former cyclist

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who was bold enough
to speak frankly

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under the guise
of anonymity.

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00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,834
(distorted voice)

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I'm standing here
with the legendary
Gustav Ditters.

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00:07:52,066 --> 00:07:53,667
You look like you're
going to be carrying

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00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:55,500
a few extra pounds
on the bike this year.

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00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,933
Yes. This is what happens
when you train super hard,

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on the bicycle.

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Honeycut: Well,
it is quite
impressive.

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00:08:00,634 --> 00:08:02,500
Looks almost like
you could play
a real sport.

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00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,834
(laughs)

200
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,233
♪ ♪

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00:08:06,233 --> 00:08:07,933
Ditters:
Everyone was cheating.

202
00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:10,233
Everyone...
except for me.

203
00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,433
Honeycut:
I'm gonna
have to work

204
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:12,800
extra hard to keep up
with you out there.

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00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,033
That's right,
you heard it.

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00:08:14,033 --> 00:08:17,634
This year, I'll be on the bike,
riding alongside the riders,

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conducting my interviews
during the race,

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00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,467
that is if I don't
pass out immediately.

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00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,333
What do you think
about that, Gustav?
Fucking hell, mate.

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00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,033
(distorted voice)

211
00:08:28,033 --> 00:08:29,600
(phone buzzing)

212
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,700
Hamm: The 1982
Tour de France was
the most eccentric bike race

213
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,300
in the history of cycling,
in large part due to the fact

214
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,900
that virtually every rider
in the race was doping,

215
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:52,267
nearly all 170 of them.

216
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:54,966
The reason every
rider was on drugs
in the '82 race

217
00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,467
has to do
with the fact
that credit cards

218
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:59,800
were introduced
to Finland
the year before.

219
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,533
KultaBank issued the first
Finnish charge card,

220
00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:06,533
and they announced it
with a bizarre
commercial.

221
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:09,500
(acoustic guitar
music playing)
(birds chirping)

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00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,233
(sighs)

223
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:17,400
(speaks Finnish,
gasps)

224
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,767
(somber music plays)

225
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,400
(cheery music plays)

226
00:09:25,634 --> 00:09:27,200
(breathing heavily)

227
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:34,867
(groans)

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00:09:36,066 --> 00:09:38,433
(announcer speaks Finnish)
(sighs)

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00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:42,066
Yeah, it's
a confusing commercial

230
00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:44,133
for a dozen reasons
at least.

231
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:48,133
First of all, why is
going down on his wife
payment for this guy?

232
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:51,834
And what's he paying for?
Spilling the milk?

233
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:56,066
We saw him spill the milk,
so why is she drinking milk
in the very next scene?

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00:09:56,066 --> 00:09:58,567
You'll notice the woman
doesn't climax,

235
00:09:58,567 --> 00:10:01,433
which means the debt
has not been fully repaid,

236
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:04,333
and likely never will.
(chuckles) Right, guys?

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00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:08,100
Sorry, I just noticed
the crew is mostly women.

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00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,433
I'm not good at oral sex.

239
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:14,800
Hamm:
The disciplinary cunnilingus
shown in the commercials

240
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,500
certainly did not do
its job explaining credit cards
to the people of Finland.

241
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,500
and this included
the former president

242
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,100
of the UCI,
Ditmer Klerken.

243
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,867
Well, the UCI
was in charge

244
00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:27,100
of testing
all the riders
for doping,

245
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:31,267
and the guy in charge
of that had a serious
credit card problem.

246
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,933
I would
see something,
like a cool car

247
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,933
a cool horse,
or something
like this,

248
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:39,900
and-- and I would hand them
this magic piece of plastic

249
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,734
and they would give me
the cool thing.

250
00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:43,400
After three months,
Ditmer owed

251
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,333
nearly $16 million U.S.
to KultaBank.

252
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:48,133
Because he was
in this huge debt,

253
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:50,333
Ditmer sent every rider
a note saying

254
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,867
if they paid him $50,000,

255
00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:54,834
they wouldn't
get drug-tested that year.

256
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:57,500
Ditmer:
"Hey, if you don't want
to be drug tested,

257
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,300
"make a check out
to Ditmer Klerken

258
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,033
"in the amount
of $50,000 U.S.

259
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:03,066
"and you won't be.
Thanks you guys, Ditmer.

260
00:11:03,066 --> 00:11:05,767
"PS, if you tell
anyone about this,

261
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,600
I'll fucking kill you!!"

262
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,267
(chuckles)
Silly.

263
00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:11,700
Wright:
And here we go!

264
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:15,300
The 1982 Tour de France
has officially begun!

265
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:19,000
Guys came out flying on bikes!
Man, I wanted to be
on a bike so bad.

266
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,734
(Armstrong speaks, distorted)

267
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,100
(door opens)

268
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,133
(man speaks)

269
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,233
(man 2 speaks)

270
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:35,966
(Armstrong speaks)

271
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:43,233
Hamm:
Day one, 207 kilometers
from Basel to Mohlin,

272
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:46,100
up and over some
of the most breathtaking
hillscapes in the world.

273
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:49,200
a serene landscape that
was completely juxtaposed

274
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,066
to the ugliness
that was about to ensue.

275
00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:54,933
Wright: The riders
still holding tight
in the peloton.

276
00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:58,267
JuJu Peppi not surprisingly
at the front of the pack.

277
00:11:58,267 --> 00:12:00,966
And it looks like we've got
a beautiful fan up ahead!

278
00:12:00,966 --> 00:12:04,567
Hey, hey, bella senora!
(echoes)

279
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:07,333
Wright:
And JuJu went in for the grope
and is losing balance!

280
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:10,166
Can he stay up?
Oh no! Oh no!

281
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,600
JuJu's lost his balance!
He's fallen over!

282
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,800
It's a terrible crash!
(crashing)

283
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,400
(men groaning)
Yay!

284
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,200
Wright:
People are
beginning to stand,

285
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,100
which is a good sign.
Is-a not my fault!

286
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,300
I lose-a sight
of the road!
Man: Hey, JuJu!

287
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:25,834
People:
Whoa!

288
00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,767
(distorted voice)

289
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:39,267
Hamm:
Jabin Dolchey was known
for two things:

290
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:42,166
Fighting and his outfits
that he claimed to be made

291
00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:45,734
from a high-tech breathable
material he called Spanlon.

292
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:48,500
Jabin Dolchey!
Speed the competition!

293
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,000
He was an odd bird,

294
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,734
and he seemed proud
of what everyone could see

295
00:12:51,734 --> 00:12:55,033
was a very tiny,
misshaped penis.

296
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:58,100
(distorted voice)

297
00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:02,300
Hamm: Jabin's punch
kicked off the most massive
scuffle in Tour history.

298
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,300
Honeycut:
Well, this is just awful.
(all shouting)

299
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,500
These men are
literally trying to tear
one another apart.

300
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,133
Cyclists are
incredible athletes

301
00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:10,500
as far as
endurance goes,

302
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,933
but a great deal
of 'em fight like
little bitches.

303
00:13:12,933 --> 00:13:15,933
(pop music playing)

304
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:26,100
Tyson:
They had a dance party,
and people said it was a fight.

305
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,600
As a boxer,
it was offensive to me.

306
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,000
And as is
with every accident
near Switzerland,

307
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,567
a Saint Bernard is
the first responder.

308
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:36,567
It's really peaty.

309
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,267
They tried
to hurt
each other,

310
00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:40,433
but I am a--
a peaceful
person.

311
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:42,033
I don't
do things
like that.

312
00:13:42,033 --> 00:13:43,600
(shouting, grunting)

313
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,867
Please!
No! No! I beg you!

314
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:50,634
No! No! Please! I'm naked!

315
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,834
(shouting)
Please put me down!

316
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,634
Everything I did that day,

317
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,400
I did in self-defense.

318
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,200
Hamm:
French authorities
finally arrived

319
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,000
and put the kibosh
on the fracas.

320
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,734
The first day
was canceled,

321
00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,933
but with no major injuries,
the race was expected

322
00:14:03,933 --> 00:14:05,500
to resume the following day,

323
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,267
were it not
for a forsaken water bottle.

324
00:14:08,267 --> 00:14:10,300
(speaks French)

325
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,600
(speaks French)

326
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,667
(clicks)
Ah!

327
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:31,000
(laughs) Ooh!

328
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,133
(speaks French)
Woo!

329
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,800
(speaks French)

330
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,066
If you take too strong
a dose of amphetamines,

331
00:14:40,066 --> 00:14:43,200
they can act
as a super powerful aphrodisiac.

332
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,900
(speaks French)

333
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,000
No, no, no.
Oui.

334
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,634
(speaks French) No!

335
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,634
No! No!

336
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,200
No.

337
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,800
No.
(continues speaking French)

338
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,900
(woman speaks French)

339
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,500
(officer
speaks French)

340
00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:07,567
When I took
a large dose
of amphetamines,

341
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:10,467
I ended up
having sex with a--

342
00:15:10,467 --> 00:15:12,467
(man speaks)

343
00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:16,567
Oh, we have to try every drug
on our banned list,

344
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:17,834
so we know what
we're dealing with.

345
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,000
I actually paint what
the experiences are like,

346
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,233
so I can remember
the effects of each drug.

347
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:24,700
Would you like to see them?

348
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:28,667
So, this is what I painted
while I was on amphetamines.

349
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:32,100
It's kind of what I felt like
when I did the drug.

350
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,100
(man speaks)

351
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,267
Yeah.

352
00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:40,500
This is when
I did crack cocaine,

353
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,333
so you can see how similar
the two drugs are.

354
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,300
(man speaks)

355
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,667
Oh, this is from
when I did meth.

356
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:54,800
So, you can see that meth
is a very different drug
than the other two.

357
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,533
(man speaks)

358
00:15:57,533 --> 00:15:59,200
Yeah.

359
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,634
And all of these
are for sale.

360
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:03,834
Hamm:
In an attempt to quell
the media frenzy,

361
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:05,300
the water bottle created,

362
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,500
Ditmer Klerken held
a press conference.
(reporters shouting)

363
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,400
Ditmer, Ditmer.
There are reports that
you asked every rider

364
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,233
for $50,000 if they did not want
to be drug tested.

365
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:15,166
Is-- is that true?
Yeah, that's true.

366
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:18,533
I mean, no. Fuck! No. I mean--
no, I mean it's not-- not true.

367
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:20,267
Ah fuck! (snorts) Ah.

368
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,734
Now you guys are never
going to believe me

369
00:16:21,734 --> 00:16:23,533
because I said
it was true right away.

370
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:25,600
But no, no, no, that's--
that's not true.

371
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,700
But does anybody know
if you admit to something

372
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,200
like taking bribes

373
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,667
and you give
all the money back,
for instance,

374
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:35,500
does that mean that
you could keep your job?

375
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,834
Ah! What a crazy
hypothetical question.

376
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,367
Where do I even come up
with this stuff?

377
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:42,100
And nobody ask me
if I'm cheating on my wife,

378
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,900
because I am.
Ah! I'm kidding.
(people gasp)

379
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,400
No, no. Shit!

380
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,966
Hamm:
And one by one,
nearly every participant

381
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,933
in the race was disqualified
for sending the bribe money.

382
00:16:50,933 --> 00:16:55,966
Of the 170 riders entered,
only five did not send checks.

383
00:16:55,966 --> 00:16:57,600
With only
five riders left,

384
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,600
it seemed the Tour
would be canceled.

385
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,033
I didn't pay Ditmer.
What I to do?

386
00:17:02,033 --> 00:17:04,834
But if-a they end the race,
then I am punished for what?

387
00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:06,800
Why punish me?
Look at me.

388
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,933
You put a little coke-a
in your nose, take a shit,

389
00:17:08,933 --> 00:17:10,734
have great sex,
wake up-a the next day,

390
00:17:10,734 --> 00:17:12,734
and you are
like a... champion.

391
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:15,233
No, I would never do that.
Are you crazy?

392
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,767
In an unprecedented decision,

393
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,500
the UCI has decided to allow

394
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,100
the Tour de France
to continue

395
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,300
with only the five
remaining cyclists,

396
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,767
the final five,
which I am dubbing
The Fab 5.

397
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,634
You heard it here first,
ladies and gentlemen,

398
00:17:28,634 --> 00:17:32,533
these five riders
will forever be known
as The Fab 5.

399
00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:34,467
(buzzer sounds)
Hamm: Not to be confused
with the Fab Five,

400
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,800
the Michigan basketball team
who ultimately became
much more famous.

401
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,267
(man whispering)
Who's that?

402
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,667
(man 2 whispering)
That's Chris Webber.

403
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,267
Man: What?
Man 2: From the
wrong Fab Five.

404
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:43,267
Man: Well, fuck. Who-- why did--
why did you bring him here?

405
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:44,700
Man 2:
I don't know.
Somebody fucked up.

406
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,233
Man:
What are we supposed
to do with this guy?

407
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,966
Man 2: Just wait till
he goes to the bathroom,
then we all leave.

408
00:17:48,966 --> 00:17:51,166
Wright:
Here we are, Stage 2,

409
00:17:51,166 --> 00:17:55,100
Tour de France!
It's a 250 kilometer ride

410
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:58,233
through flat plains
from Basel to Nancy.

411
00:17:58,233 --> 00:17:59,600
♪ ♪

412
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,166
Here we are,
Tour de France, day two,

413
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:04,634
and I'm riding
right alongside the riders,

414
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:07,700
getting the scoop straight
from the horse's mouth,
so to speak.

415
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,966
And to no one's surprise,
it's JuJu in the lead.

416
00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:13,867
I was really impressed,
what a great rider Rex was.

417
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:16,133
I mean, he was right there
in the front of the pack

418
00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,066
most of the time
with that microphone.

419
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,300
He was riding
with the greatest cyclists
in the world.

420
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,500
Well, it's only day two.
Don't kill yourself.

421
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,966
Got another
three weeks to go.

422
00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:26,100
I'm-a no kill myself.

423
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,500
I'm-a never die,
not on a bicycle.

424
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,300
That is a sure thing.

425
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,367
Hamm:
And JuJu didn't die that day,

426
00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:35,533
but he did eventually,
as you know,

427
00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:37,700
because we showed it
to you at the beginning.

428
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,900
But that day, he lived
and won the yellow jersey,

429
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:44,634
then celebrated that night
with a well-earned massage.

430
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:47,267
Each night,
the depleted muscles

431
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:50,267
must be softened in readiness
for the torture ahead.

432
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:53,166
The riders' bulging,
shaved quadriceps

433
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,066
and smooth,
taut hamstrings

434
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:57,500
require deep tissue massage

435
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,467
with the finest oils available

436
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:01,000
and strong fingers.

437
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,066
All that built up lactic acid
can finally be ejaculated.

438
00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:08,166
(cyclists moaning loudly)

439
00:19:08,166 --> 00:19:11,033
After that,
I passed out,
but not before,

440
00:19:11,033 --> 00:19:12,634
I remember, making
everybody promise

441
00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:14,367
to take turns
riding up front

442
00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:15,800
so the rest of us
could draft.

443
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,100
You gotta take it down
a notch out there, JuJu.
You're going too hard.

444
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,900
Marty's right.
It's just the five of us.

445
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:22,667
Yeah, we gotta
work together,

446
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,600
and all
start drafting
for each other.

447
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,700
One of the most important
elements of cycling
is drafting,

448
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,634
and that's when the cyclists
take turns breaking the wind
at the front of the pack.

449
00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:33,867
It's much harder
on the rider in the front,

450
00:19:33,867 --> 00:19:36,834
but everyone behind him
expends way less energy.

451
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:39,133
♪ ♪

452
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:41,834
Robinson: What the fuck, dude?
We said we were gonna
take turns in the lead.

453
00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:43,500
Yeah, well,
it's not my turn.

454
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,900
Robinson:
Well, it's not
my turn either.

455
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,500
JuJu, you take the lead.

456
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,400
I'm like, "Dudes,
what happened to the plan?"

457
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,834
You know, nobody wanted
to do the work.

458
00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:51,166
Everybody's just slowing down.

459
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:53,133
You know, there's
an old saying in Nigeria:

460
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:57,133
Is there no honor
amongst blood diamond thieves?

461
00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:00,867
I think that applied
in this case.

462
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,767
No one
would ride
in front, so--

463
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,000
so we were
all competing
to be in the back.

464
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,000
Hamm: Over the next
seven days,

465
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,133
the riders crawled
across France,

466
00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:12,166
each unwilling
to take the lead.

467
00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:14,933
Suffice it to say,
during this section,

468
00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:17,267
the race was boring.

469
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,700
Wright:
Here we are, stage nine,

470
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:22,567
the monotony continues.
(man yawns)

471
00:20:22,567 --> 00:20:25,734
Wright:
Now being passed
by an old lady.

472
00:20:25,734 --> 00:20:27,734
(distorted voice)

473
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:31,100
(window blinds
rustle, clack)

474
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,567
(man speaks)

475
00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:42,867
(man 2 speaks)

476
00:20:57,734 --> 00:21:00,100
(birds chirping)

477
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:03,600
Slim, you've done
an amazing job,
riding slowest today.

478
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,634
How are you holding up
at this pace?

479
00:21:05,634 --> 00:21:08,667
You know, Rex, riding
like this has given me a chance
to really stop and look around.

480
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,966
Yeah, I mean,
look where we are.

481
00:21:10,966 --> 00:21:12,734
It's beautiful out here.

482
00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:15,166
Right. Sure.

483
00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,700
Yeah, so,
what's next for you?

484
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:20,433
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold up, Rex.

485
00:21:20,433 --> 00:21:21,634
Hold up.
Hold up. Hold up.

486
00:21:21,634 --> 00:21:23,800
♪ ♪

487
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,133
Hey.

488
00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:27,000
That's where
I met Fabienne.

489
00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:31,966
Oh.

490
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:34,600
Yeah, excuse me
for one moment.

491
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,300
I gotta see about
something over here.

492
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:38,600
Right.
(chuckles)

493
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,333
That's Slim Robinson,
taking a moment

494
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,634
to really enjoy life.

495
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:44,966
I totally
understand
what Slim did.

496
00:21:44,966 --> 00:21:46,667
Sometimes
you just need
a time-out.

497
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,200
Hamm:
But the slow riding
suddenly came to an end

498
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,200
when a rowdy fan
awoke a sleeping giant.

499
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,200
(man shouts)

500
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:58,834
(angrily)
What the fuck
did you say to me?

501
00:21:58,834 --> 00:22:01,567
Today a man tell Gustav
I cannot ride fast,

502
00:22:01,567 --> 00:22:03,300
but I can ride very fast.
(cameras clicking)

503
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:04,734
I will now field questions.
Woman: Gustav!

504
00:22:04,734 --> 00:22:07,000
Gustav, my question is,
can you ride fast?

505
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,834
Fuck you! Next question.

506
00:22:08,834 --> 00:22:10,600
Yeah, hi.
Can you ride fast?

507
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,933
Fuck you!
Tomorrow I will ride
incredibly fast

508
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:15,567
and prove all of you wrong!

509
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:18,100
The race starts now!

510
00:22:18,100 --> 00:22:21,567
Wright: And Gustav Ditters
making good on his promise.
(shouting)

511
00:22:21,567 --> 00:22:23,800
Wright:
The race starts now.

512
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,600
He is absolutely
tearing up the Pyrenees
like a man possessed.

513
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,233
Even taking into account
the past 10 days' rest,

514
00:22:30,233 --> 00:22:32,133
this performance
is off the charts!

515
00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:34,933
I do not know
what has got into this guy.

516
00:22:34,933 --> 00:22:37,900
Hamm:
No one knew what had gotten
into Gustav Ditters that day,

517
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:40,634
but many suspected
something had, literally.

518
00:22:40,634 --> 00:22:43,200
Setting records
is standard protocol
for the Tour de France,

519
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,867
but when you blow records away
and burn up a mountain

520
00:22:45,867 --> 00:22:48,300
at a pace most sprinters
achieve on flat land,

521
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,966
suspicions arise.
(glass shatters)

522
00:22:50,966 --> 00:22:52,767
Hey, come on.
How do you beat

523
00:22:52,767 --> 00:22:54,734
a man on drugs
if you're not
on drugs?

524
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:56,667
Man: Wait.
Did you just admit
to being on drugs?

525
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,200
(birds chirping)

526
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,600
Hamm: JuJu wasn't
the only one suspicious
of Gustav's newfound energy.

527
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,933
Monsieur Ditters,
we are police!

528
00:23:04,933 --> 00:23:07,767
(speaks French)

529
00:23:07,767 --> 00:23:09,634
It is not blood.
It is not blood.

530
00:23:09,634 --> 00:23:11,533
(laughs)

531
00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:13,533
It is Gatorade.
I will drink it now.

532
00:23:13,533 --> 00:23:15,767
Give me the Gatorade!
(both shouting)

533
00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:18,100
Give me the blood!
Give me the blood!

534
00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:20,700
(shouting)
(screaming)

535
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:23,567
Hamm:
Blood doping. Most people
are familiar with the term,

536
00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:25,667
but how exactly
does it work?

537
00:23:25,667 --> 00:23:28,400
To understand doping,
we must first understand

538
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,100
the function
of the red blood cell.

539
00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:32,600
♪ ♪
(film projector clicking)

540
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,433
(all chattering)
(whistle tweets)

541
00:23:38,433 --> 00:23:40,600
Hi, I'm a red blood cell,

542
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,533
and it's the most common type
of blood cell in your body.

543
00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:45,100
That's right, my boy!

544
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:49,166
Our job is perhaps
the most important
in the bloodstream.

545
00:23:49,166 --> 00:23:51,000
We are the delivery men,

546
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,500
delivering oxygen to all
the cells of the body.

547
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,667
We work alongside
the other blood cells,

548
00:23:56,667 --> 00:23:58,200
like platelets...
Hey-oh!

549
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,066
...who are
the construction men...
Ow!

550
00:24:00,066 --> 00:24:03,800
...and the white blood cells,
who are the police force
around here.

551
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,734
He's got a gun!
What?

552
00:24:05,734 --> 00:24:07,867
(groans)
(crowd gasps)

553
00:24:07,867 --> 00:24:09,966
Oh my God!
He's fucking dead!

554
00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:12,533
All right, calm-- calm down.
We were just doing our job.

555
00:24:12,533 --> 00:24:13,933
♪ ♪
Pigs! Pigs!

556
00:24:13,933 --> 00:24:15,834
Let's burn
this motherfucker down!

557
00:24:15,834 --> 00:24:18,233
Kill these white motherfuckers!

558
00:24:18,233 --> 00:24:21,066
No! Don't burn my shop down!
I'm on your side!

559
00:24:21,066 --> 00:24:22,233
Yeah, burn it down!

560
00:24:22,233 --> 00:24:24,233
Stop! We're just
attacking ourselves!

561
00:24:24,233 --> 00:24:26,667
It's full-blown AIDS in here!

562
00:24:26,667 --> 00:24:29,300
(high-pitched tone)
Hamm: The animator
of the proceeding piece

563
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,533
was a woman named
Victoria Young.

564
00:24:31,533 --> 00:24:34,300
I was originally
an animator for
Sesame Street,

565
00:24:34,300 --> 00:24:35,867
but then
I got fired
from Henson,

566
00:24:35,867 --> 00:24:38,367
because
I couldn't draw
fast enough.

567
00:24:38,367 --> 00:24:40,567
Sesame Street
was also unhappy

568
00:24:40,567 --> 00:24:43,500
with my creation
of the character
Huey Black.

569
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:46,033
Heya, Huey!
Do you wanna play
a numbers game?

570
00:24:46,033 --> 00:24:47,500
Shut the fuck up!

571
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:51,367
Anyway, Gustav Ditters
was blood doping,

572
00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:53,267
but not the way
you'd expect.

573
00:24:53,267 --> 00:24:56,200
Cyclists dope
to get their VO2
max levels up,

574
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,267
so Gustav figured,
"Why not add
red blood cells

575
00:24:59,267 --> 00:25:01,966
"from the creature
with the highest
VO2 max level

576
00:25:01,966 --> 00:25:04,033
on Earth?"
A cheetah.

577
00:25:04,033 --> 00:25:07,100
Just because I have
cheetah blood does not
make me a cheetah!

578
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:09,033
(man speaks)

579
00:25:09,033 --> 00:25:11,400
Cheetah. If I have
cheetah blood in me,

580
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,200
I am not cheetah, yeah?

581
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,600
I was never
a cheetah.

582
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,333
The UCI
should have
understood that.

583
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,700
If you put cheetah blood in you,
it wouldn't make you a cheetah.

584
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,233
(man speaks)

585
00:25:21,233 --> 00:25:22,400
What are you having
trouble with?

586
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,867
The way I say cheetah
or the way I say "cheat-ah"?

587
00:25:24,867 --> 00:25:26,533
Hamm:
Whether it was
effective or not,

588
00:25:26,533 --> 00:25:29,400
Gustav did add
a foreign substance
to his body.

589
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,567
And for doing so,
he was disqualified
as a cheetah.

590
00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:33,966
(roars)

591
00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:36,300
And the following day,
the field narrowed even further

592
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:39,333
when JuJu Peppi took
his fatal tumble off a cliff.

593
00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:40,933
Man:
Holy shit!
(crashes)

594
00:25:40,933 --> 00:25:43,867
Woman: Oh man!
Man 2:
It ripped his dick off!

595
00:25:43,867 --> 00:25:47,267
People dope. Yeah.
They risk their lives,

596
00:25:47,267 --> 00:25:49,200
but, you know,
this is a sport

597
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,700
with literally hundreds
of dollars on the line,

598
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,166
and dozens of fans.

599
00:25:53,166 --> 00:25:55,867
The... stakes are medium!

600
00:25:55,867 --> 00:25:58,066
Hamm:
By stage 14,
Marty and Adrian were

601
00:25:58,066 --> 00:25:59,634
the only riders left
in the race.

602
00:25:59,634 --> 00:26:03,100
Slim Robinson was still back
on the outskirts of Marsan.

603
00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:04,966
I love it here.
Stopping the race

604
00:26:04,966 --> 00:26:06,500
was the best decision
I ever made.

605
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:08,734
(man speaks)

606
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:10,867
Just been working
the farm with Fabienne.

607
00:26:10,867 --> 00:26:13,267
We produce dairy here--
milk, yogurt and cheese.

608
00:26:13,267 --> 00:26:16,634
You know,
I love tending the land,
milking the cows,

609
00:26:16,634 --> 00:26:18,600
fucking the shit
outta Fabienne.

610
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,600
It just all really suited me.

611
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,267
(man speaks)

612
00:26:22,267 --> 00:26:24,367
I still ride
a bike every day,

613
00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:26,600
only now
it's to deliver
our dairy.

614
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,500
Only thing I'm racing now is
the expiration date on our milk.

615
00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,166
(chuckles, speaks French)

616
00:26:32,267 --> 00:26:34,367
It should be noted,
though, that I am probably

617
00:26:34,367 --> 00:26:37,200
the first black
French dairy farmer.

618
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,000
Number one, baby.

619
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,233
♪ ♪
Hamm: Thus,
unbeknownst to Marty,

620
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:44,667
he found himself
in cycling's first
battle of the sexes.

621
00:26:44,667 --> 00:26:48,000
It was just
down to the--
to the two of us,

622
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,700
real competitive,

623
00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:51,700
uh, and then
something weird
happened.

624
00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:54,333
I started to notice, like,
little things about him,

625
00:26:54,333 --> 00:26:56,966
and started to feel,
like, "I want to get
to know him better,"

626
00:26:56,966 --> 00:26:58,867
or something like that,
and that was strange,

627
00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:00,367
'cause I should've
been focused on winning.

628
00:27:00,367 --> 00:27:03,033
Wright:
And I have to say,
Marty and Adrian,

629
00:27:03,033 --> 00:27:05,734
really seem to be
enjoying each other's
company out there.

630
00:27:05,734 --> 00:27:11,200
I think maybe Marty knew
I was woman somewhere
deep inside him.

631
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,467
Wright: And here we go.
Looks like we're finally
getting a race.

632
00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:16,767
No, they're pulling over
for a break.

633
00:27:16,767 --> 00:27:18,300
What the hell is this?

634
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,166
If I didn't know
that he was a she

635
00:27:21,166 --> 00:27:22,767
before we went
behind that wall,

636
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:25,500
jeez, I sure did after.

637
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:29,000
Baton:
Oh yeah. Oh God. Oui!
Hass: Oh yeah.

638
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,500
(grunting in unison)

639
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:32,500
Baton:
Oh man.

640
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:35,133
Oui!

641
00:27:35,133 --> 00:27:37,333
Most hard-core
cyclists know

642
00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:39,066
that cycling
was invented

643
00:27:39,066 --> 00:27:41,367
so that men
could fuck
in the hills.

644
00:27:41,367 --> 00:27:43,133
I promised
to keep
her secret

645
00:27:43,133 --> 00:27:45,033
just between us,

646
00:27:45,033 --> 00:27:48,533
and in so doing,
I became something
of a gay icon.

647
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:53,367
Marty and Adrian
became the first
publicly out gay athletes,

648
00:27:53,367 --> 00:27:56,734
while simultaneously being
in a heterosexual relationship.

649
00:27:56,734 --> 00:27:58,667
Hamm:
Their romantic tryst

650
00:27:58,667 --> 00:28:00,100
was well-documented.

651
00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:03,433
most beautifully covered
by the French news channels.

652
00:28:03,433 --> 00:28:05,900
The way the French
cover their sporting
events is gorgeous.

653
00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:07,200
I'll watch
French sports
all the time

654
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,867
just to kinda
brainstorm new ways
of shooting things.

655
00:28:08,867 --> 00:28:11,033
(romantic music playing)

656
00:28:11,033 --> 00:28:13,033
(Baton speaks French)

657
00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,033
(grunts)
Hey!

658
00:28:23,033 --> 00:28:25,100
(Baton speaks French)

659
00:28:31,867 --> 00:28:33,767
Abrams:
The France 2 coverage
of the 1982 Tour de France,

660
00:28:33,767 --> 00:28:35,200
it wasn't just
impressive footage

661
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,433
for a news team
to capture.

662
00:28:36,433 --> 00:28:38,200
I call it groundbreaking
footage for film, period.

663
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,834
This wasn't
the French new wave.

664
00:28:39,834 --> 00:28:41,467
This was
the French news wave.

665
00:28:42,834 --> 00:28:44,200
Don't put that
in the movie.
That, um...

666
00:28:45,367 --> 00:28:47,133
It's too good of a line.
I want to get it right.

667
00:28:49,233 --> 00:28:50,367
This wasn't
the French new wave.

668
00:28:51,433 --> 00:28:52,734
It was
the French news wave.

669
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:56,500
That was it.

670
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:59,100
(Delibes' "Flower Duet" playing)

671
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,667
We tied a rope
to our bikes

672
00:29:04,667 --> 00:29:07,834
so... there would be
no winners

673
00:29:07,834 --> 00:29:09,467
and there
would be no losers.

674
00:29:09,467 --> 00:29:11,433
We would
always be together.

675
00:29:11,433 --> 00:29:12,933
Well, to see Marty
in the lead

676
00:29:12,933 --> 00:29:15,300
and in love
made me so upset,

677
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:17,433
because I hated
Marty Hass.

678
00:29:17,433 --> 00:29:19,700
There. You talking
about Marty Hass?

679
00:29:19,700 --> 00:29:22,000
Yes.
Fuck Marty Hass!

680
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,900
Fuck Marty Hass!
Fuck him!
Fuck him!

681
00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:26,567
Stage 19.
Just two days remain

682
00:29:26,567 --> 00:29:29,333
and interest in the Tour
has dwindled nearly to nothing.

683
00:29:29,333 --> 00:29:31,333
No spectators
line the streets.

684
00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:35,133
Passing cars have absolutely
no clue that an event of any
kind is taking place.

685
00:29:35,133 --> 00:29:38,667
In fact, at this point,
I have no idea why
we're even out here.

686
00:29:38,667 --> 00:29:42,267
I'm just a guy on a bike
following a homosexual couple

687
00:29:42,267 --> 00:29:43,767
who have tied
their bikes together.

688
00:29:43,767 --> 00:29:45,333
Hamm:
And to no one's surprise,

689
00:29:45,333 --> 00:29:48,700
Marty and Adrian shared
the yellow jersey that day.

690
00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:51,966
(cheers, applause)

691
00:29:51,966 --> 00:29:53,966
(Armstrong speaks,
distorted)

692
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,066
Here we are, the beginning
of the end of the 1982
Tour de France,

693
00:30:08,066 --> 00:30:11,433
the 187-kilometer ride
from Fontenay-sous-Bois

694
00:30:11,433 --> 00:30:14,233
to the finishing line
at the Champs-Elysées.

695
00:30:14,233 --> 00:30:17,267
Excuse me a moment.
Just getting word
from the home office.

696
00:30:18,433 --> 00:30:19,567
Yeah?

697
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:21,966
And just when
you think it's over,

698
00:30:21,966 --> 00:30:24,166
there's some shit
that's about to go down.

699
00:30:24,166 --> 00:30:28,367
That's bonkers!
Well, some interesting
new developments in the race.

700
00:30:28,367 --> 00:30:30,700
The UCI has just informed me

701
00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:34,000
that technically,
since I've ridden
every stage of the race

702
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,667
and had to register
as a cyclist to bring
my bike on the road,

703
00:30:37,667 --> 00:30:39,734
I'm eligible
to win this thing.

704
00:30:39,734 --> 00:30:42,033
Both: What?
And I think
I just might.

705
00:30:42,033 --> 00:30:43,933
(shouts)
(bikes clack)

706
00:30:43,933 --> 00:30:46,867
(dramatic music plays)

707
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,667
Wright:
A perfect backflip
from Rex!

708
00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:52,100
Whoa!

709
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,033
Wright:
And it's a matching pair
of tail whips

710
00:30:59,033 --> 00:31:01,333
from the
lovebirds.
Whoa-ho!

711
00:31:01,333 --> 00:31:04,734
And it appears
Adrian is now untying
the rope for some reason.

712
00:31:04,734 --> 00:31:06,867
No! Adrian,
what are you doing?
(panting)

713
00:31:06,867 --> 00:31:09,734
It is the only way, Marty.

714
00:31:09,734 --> 00:31:13,767
We can do this together.
No, you do it for us, Marty.

715
00:31:13,767 --> 00:31:16,533
I love you. Je t'aime.

716
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,133
No! Adrian!

717
00:31:20,133 --> 00:31:22,267
Je t'aime!

718
00:31:22,267 --> 00:31:25,300
♪ ♪

719
00:31:27,367 --> 00:31:30,467
I had no fear
when I ran into Rex,

720
00:31:30,467 --> 00:31:32,933
because my heart
was just so full,

721
00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:34,634
full of love for Marty.

722
00:31:34,634 --> 00:31:36,600
I could feel nothing else.

723
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,966
In fact, I could feel
nothing at all,

724
00:31:39,966 --> 00:31:42,333
because I was also on...

725
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:45,100
very much... Oxycodone.

726
00:31:45,100 --> 00:31:47,100
♪ ♪

727
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:49,600
Whoa! The dude was a chick!

728
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:53,834
(whimpers)
Wright: Adrian Baton is,
in fact, a woman.

729
00:31:53,834 --> 00:31:55,834
Well, that moment
really set the groundwork

730
00:31:55,834 --> 00:31:58,333
for a whole genre
of cross-dressing
sports films--

731
00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:00,933
Just One of the Guys,
Nobody's Perfect,

732
00:32:00,933 --> 00:32:03,500
Ladybugs,
Juwanna Ma--
Juwanna Mann

733
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:05,734
is, I think,
one of the best films.

734
00:32:05,734 --> 00:32:08,300
It's arguably
the best film.

735
00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:09,634
Wright:
And that's not all.

736
00:32:09,634 --> 00:32:11,433
It appears
Rex Honeycut
was riding

737
00:32:11,433 --> 00:32:13,000
with an engine
in his bike.

738
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,634
I guess that explains
how he kept up with the pros.

739
00:32:15,634 --> 00:32:18,966
Hamm:
It was all Marty, all alone,
heading into Paris.

740
00:32:18,966 --> 00:32:21,000
Marty:
It was-- it was heartbreaking
to try to go it alone,

741
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,700
but I had to try
to win for Adrian--

742
00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:25,634
otherwise her sacrifice
would've been for nothing.

743
00:32:25,634 --> 00:32:28,700
An African
was going to win
the Tour de France!

744
00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:30,133
And for a brief moment...

745
00:32:31,133 --> 00:32:33,834
I loved Marty Hass.

746
00:32:33,834 --> 00:32:36,667
♪ ♪

747
00:32:40,333 --> 00:32:43,066
(cheering)

748
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,467
Wright:
And here's Marty Hass
approaching the finish line.

749
00:32:49,467 --> 00:32:52,800
He will be the champion
of the 1982--
(bike bell dings)

750
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,367
Wait! What's this?
Ladies and gentlemen,

751
00:32:55,367 --> 00:32:57,267
Slim Robinson is back!

752
00:32:57,267 --> 00:32:59,000
Even though life
on the farm was perfect,

753
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,600
I couldn't get cycling
out of my head.

754
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,900
(shouting)
Wright: Slim is moving
at an incredible pace

755
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:06,433
on his cruiser!
He's caught up to Marty!

756
00:33:06,433 --> 00:33:09,433
But now it's Marty
giving a strong push!

757
00:33:09,433 --> 00:33:10,900
Ladies and gentlemen,

758
00:33:10,900 --> 00:33:12,933
we are in
for an incredible finish!

759
00:33:12,933 --> 00:33:15,867
They are absolutely neck
and neck right now!

760
00:33:15,867 --> 00:33:18,800
Getting closer!
Getting closer!

761
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,000
This is one
for the record books!

762
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,634
And the winner is...

763
00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:25,834
(calmly)
Slim Robinson
by a long shot.

764
00:33:25,834 --> 00:33:28,166
It looked really close
from the other angle,

765
00:33:28,166 --> 00:33:30,500
but no,
it was not close at all.

766
00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,100
Those defocused lenses
can be really deceiving.

767
00:33:33,100 --> 00:33:35,867
(pops)
(shouting)

768
00:33:35,867 --> 00:33:38,400
I still get emotional
when I think about it.

769
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,834
I mean, I was
the first black man
in the Tour de France,

770
00:33:42,834 --> 00:33:44,267
and I won it.

771
00:33:44,267 --> 00:33:46,834
This is the most important shit
that has ever happened ever!

772
00:33:46,834 --> 00:33:49,066
(cheering)
Fuck Jackie Robinson,

773
00:33:49,066 --> 00:33:52,634
and fuck Marty Hass
with his fake African ass!

774
00:33:52,634 --> 00:33:55,567
Guess what else?
I can make cheese, yo!

775
00:33:55,567 --> 00:33:57,367
I make some good cheeses.

776
00:33:57,367 --> 00:33:59,933
Was I happy that a black man
won the Tour de France?

777
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,700
This is the first
I'm hearing about it.

778
00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:04,966
Somehow, Marty Hass

779
00:34:04,966 --> 00:34:07,333
found a way
to fuck us over again.

780
00:34:07,333 --> 00:34:09,500
You know,
I think it's a bit
of a shame that--

781
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:11,900
that an African
couldn't have won that race.

782
00:34:11,900 --> 00:34:14,600
It was a very fucked up year
for bicycle riding.

783
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,200
Cyclists are hunks.

784
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,367
I still really don't love
watching cycling.

785
00:34:18,367 --> 00:34:21,200
With the upper body
of an alien

786
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,433
and the downstairs
of a horse.

787
00:34:23,433 --> 00:34:26,700
What really got me
invested in the '82 Tour
were the characters.

788
00:34:26,700 --> 00:34:29,133
With only five guys,
you really got to know
each of them.

789
00:34:29,133 --> 00:34:32,433
You really cared.
It was just super strong
character development,

790
00:34:32,433 --> 00:34:34,333
and the whole thing,
like, really played out,

791
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:35,966
like, a really
well-written script.

792
00:34:35,966 --> 00:34:38,133
I won the Tour de France,

793
00:34:38,133 --> 00:34:40,734
and I did it with nothing
but my own blood,

794
00:34:40,734 --> 00:34:43,267
sweat, and tears,
and extra blood!

795
00:34:43,267 --> 00:34:45,333
(man speaks)
Oh shit.

796
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:47,767
♪ ♪
Hass:
It was a tough day.

797
00:34:47,767 --> 00:34:49,734
Lost the race,
lost my girl,

798
00:34:49,734 --> 00:34:52,233
and I haven't seen
Adrian since.

799
00:34:52,233 --> 00:34:56,267
No, I never, uh...
I never did see Marty again.

800
00:34:56,267 --> 00:34:59,600
Um, my crashing into Rex

801
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,200
was considered manslaughter,

802
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,333
since he died, you know?

803
00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:09,233
And for this, I received...
35 years in prison,

804
00:35:09,233 --> 00:35:12,000
so... (chuckles)

805
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,500
It was worth it...
(door closes)

806
00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:17,533
...because I did
what I set out to do.

807
00:35:17,533 --> 00:35:22,734
I proved that a woman
can cheat at cycling
as well as any man.

808
00:35:23,767 --> 00:35:25,767
(distorted voice)
♪ ♪

809
00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,100
That's something
for people
to think about

810
00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,933
from this
anonymous guy.

811
00:35:55,933 --> 00:35:58,433
(rock music playing)

812
00:36:19,166 --> 00:36:21,467
My parents bought me
the bike out of van,

813
00:36:21,467 --> 00:36:23,100
but they didn't know
the bike was stolen.

814
00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:25,333
And then one day,
I'm just riding
to school,

815
00:36:25,333 --> 00:36:27,567
and then I'm getting
the living shit

816
00:36:27,567 --> 00:36:29,233
beat out of me.
(boxing bell dings)

817
00:36:29,233 --> 00:36:30,600
And that's what
it's like in Africa.

818
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:34,233
Like, sometimes
they'll run out
of Nerds candy.

819
00:36:34,233 --> 00:36:36,966
Have you ever
had that? I was like,
"Where's my Nerds?

820
00:36:36,966 --> 00:36:40,300
Where's my Nerds?"
Honeycut: A Nerds shortage
in Africa?

821
00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:42,233
Right.
Yeah, because
they gotta ship 'em in,

822
00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:43,433
and I'm like, "Dad!

823
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:46,500
Where's my Nerds?"

824
00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:48,333
I'm not a milkman.
I'm a cyclist.

825
00:36:48,333 --> 00:36:50,333
You're not taking this bike!
You tell Slim's uncle

826
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:51,767
Slim is back
on the Tour!

827
00:36:51,767 --> 00:36:53,000
Fabienne:
Who is that?

828
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,734
Jackie
fucking Robinson!
(bottles clinking)

829
00:36:54,734 --> 00:36:56,233
Big news
at the Tour de France,

830
00:36:56,233 --> 00:36:58,467
a fight has broken out,
and not surprisingly,

831
00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:01,467
Austrian muscle freak
Gustav Ditters is
in the center of it.

832
00:37:01,467 --> 00:37:04,333
Here we have
some footage of him
grabbing Jabin Dolchey.

833
00:37:04,333 --> 00:37:05,867
He used Jabin's
flailing legs

834
00:37:05,867 --> 00:37:07,933
to kick other riders
in the face.

835
00:37:07,933 --> 00:37:11,567
Stupendous.
I'm Mick Porterhouse and--
(sniffs hard) Woo!

836
00:37:11,567 --> 00:37:14,767
Oh no! My legs
are getting all shaky, man!

837
00:37:14,767 --> 00:37:17,000
Hey, hey, hey.
Slow down, man.
He can't take that.

838
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,200
Take it easy on him!
I think I'm gonna evacuate
my bowels!

839
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,267
Just go with it, Marty!
Ride the wave!
That is not helping, Slim!

840
00:37:23,267 --> 00:37:24,867
Call my dad!
Basta!

841
00:37:24,867 --> 00:37:26,867
Call my dad, man!
Call his-a papa!

842
00:37:26,867 --> 00:37:28,200
(shouts in French)

843
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:29,734
After that...

844
00:37:29,734 --> 00:37:32,267
I rocked a trifecta,
and I passed out.

845
00:37:32,267 --> 00:37:34,567
Man: Oh, cool, yeah.
(continues speaking)

846
00:37:34,567 --> 00:37:38,300
Oh, that's when you, um,
puke and shit and jizz
at the same time.

847
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:39,966
(man speaks)

848
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,333
What's a basketball player
look like?

849
00:37:43,333 --> 00:37:44,933
We don't have that
in Napa.

850
00:37:46,033 --> 00:37:48,467
That's a basketball player?

851
00:37:48,467 --> 00:37:49,867
Jesus!

852
00:37:49,867 --> 00:37:53,033
That makes me even hornier
than the picture of a cyclist.

853
00:37:53,033 --> 00:37:54,433
(man speaks)

854
00:37:56,033 --> 00:37:59,333
Oh my shit, he is fine!

855
00:37:59,333 --> 00:38:02,000
What the fuck
is in his shorts?

856
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,800
That was just
a shocking moment
of television.

857
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,800
It was ferocious
and full of electricity.

858
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,533
It was... felicity.

859
00:38:08,533 --> 00:38:10,233
(distorted voice)

860
00:38:10,233 --> 00:38:11,900
(man speaks)

861
00:38:21,033 --> 00:38:22,367
When you put
a crazy person

862
00:38:22,367 --> 00:38:24,133
in charge
of the Tour de France,

863
00:38:24,133 --> 00:38:25,933
crazy things will happen.

864
00:38:25,933 --> 00:38:29,166
That was Ditmer Perten.
Was that "Perten"?

865
00:38:29,166 --> 00:38:30,600
That was Ditman Kirkman.

866
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,066
That was Ditmar Perper.
(sighs)

867
00:38:33,066 --> 00:38:35,600
I mean, how the fuck
do you say this guy's name?
What was his name again?

868
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,000
That was Ditman Klerker.
That was Ditman Klerken.

869
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,433
That was Ditmar Klerken.
Ditmen Klirken.

870
00:38:40,433 --> 00:38:43,000
Ditman Klerker-- Klerken.
Ditmen Klerken.

871
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,634
Ditman Klerker.
Ditmen Klerken.
Did I get it?

872
00:38:45,634 --> 00:38:47,734
Ditmen Klerken.
Ditmen Klerken.

873
00:38:47,734 --> 00:38:50,500
That's his name, okay.
But he was crazy, though.

874
00:38:50,500 --> 00:38:53,600
♪ ♪

875
00:38:54,767 --> 00:38:57,467
Well, Tour's over.
(scoffs)

876
00:38:57,467 --> 00:38:59,600
Time to go kill myself.
(chuckles)

877
00:39:01,834 --> 00:39:04,166
♪ ♪