WEBVTT FILE

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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Edgar Wright:
Stage 13 of the Tour de France,

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quite possibly
the most difficult climb

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of the entire race.

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But one rider,
Italy's JuJu Peppi,

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is absolutely burning up
this mountain...

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(heart beating)
...nearing the top
of the Pyrenees

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minutes ahead of the pack.

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He's practically
dancing on the pedals

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as he blasts
past other riders,

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showing no signs of fatigue.

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Jon Hamm (narrating):
The Tour de France, the crème
de la crème of cycling.

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At some point during
the three-week race,

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half the world
will tune in.

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With 3.5 billion viewers,
it is far and away

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the most-watched
sporting event on Earth,

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but it is also perhaps
the most controversial.

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Wright:
JuJu's opened
an impressive lead

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with his
record-setting pace.

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JuJu now relieving himself,

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which is a thing
that cyclists actually do,

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and he's making quite a mess

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as he continues
to burn up the mountainside.

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(heart beating)
Unbelievable!
JuJu Peppi's legs pumping away,

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pushing his body
to its absolute limits!

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(shouting)
How is he doing this?

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How is he doing this?
(heart beating faster)

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Hamm:
And just then...
(heartbeat stops)

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...JuJu Peppi's
heart exploded.

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♪ ♪

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Wright: Here we go!
He's into the tuck
for the downhill.

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No one even knew
he was dead

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for about
12 kilometers.

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Wright:
Look at that form!

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He's perfectly still
for optimum wind resistance!

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Hamm:
He died...
with his dick out.

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In the autopsy,
they found out

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JuJu was on EPO
and cocaine.

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Also, some insulin
and anabolic steroids,

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Oxabolone
and Nandrolone.

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Trace amounts
of Norethandrolone
and Furazabol.

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They even
found some heroin
in his system.

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There was
also Letrozole
and Cyclazadone,

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some estrogen
receptor modulators,

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Raloxifene
and Tamoxifen--

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probably to ward off
breast growth.

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A lot of Oxycodone
in his blood,

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Phentermine as well.

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Ortetamine,
Bunolol,
and Labetalol.

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Plus he had
apparently
huffed ethanol

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and taken
a couple MDAs.

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He had clearly smoked
some crystal meth
and/or crack,

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and there was a hormone
from monkey testicles

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that he had cooked down
into a broth that he drank.

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He also
had apparently eaten

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at least one sandwich
from Arby's.

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(crowd cheering)
Hamm: JuJu Peppi
gave himself a huge edge

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at the 1982
Tour de France with
performance-enhancing drugs.

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Man:
Oh my God!
(crashes)

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(people screaming)
Man: What the fuck?
Jesus Christ!

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Hamm:
But he was far
from alone that year.

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In what has
now become known
as the Tour de Pharmacy,

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athletes took drug abuse
to a level never seen before
or thereafter,

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creating supermen
in Superman spandex,

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attempting to traverse
2,179 miles

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and over some
of the most treacherous
mountain ranges on the planet.

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But how do you tell
the story of a bike race,

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the story
of 170 extreme personalities

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all vying
for a common goal?

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You probably could,
but it would take forever.

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Luckily, we only have to tell
the story of five of them.

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(bicycles whizzing past)

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(bicycle bell dings)

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♪ ♪

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Rex Honeycut:
Well, the atmosphere
is positively electric

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as the town of Basel
has gathered to greet

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the riders who have come
from all over the world.

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Here's one now,
arriving all the way
from the United States,

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Slim Robinson.
Hey.

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Hi, Slim. Welcome.

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Slim Robinson was
sports royalty.

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His uncle was
Jackie Robinson,
who, of course,

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was the first black man
in professional baseball.

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And throughout
his life, Slim excelled
at many different sports,

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but obviously struggled
to stand out like his uncle,

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because he wasn't
the only black athlete...

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until he found cycling,

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which was very white.

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And it made him happy,
because it was the last sport

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where he could break
the color line.

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My uncle was
the first black
something.

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I wanted to be
the first black
something too.

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First one to ever
do it, baby. Woo!

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Slim Robinson!

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Seeing another
black man
on a bicycle was

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a huge deal
for me, you know?

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So, a lot
of people think
of me as a boxer,

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but what they really didn't know
is that I love bicycles.

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(video game
music playing)
When I was a kid,

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I got a Schwinn bicycle,
and, man, I would ride

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that bicycle all over
New York City.

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But then one day
my bicycle was stolen.

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(engine revs)

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(wailing)

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When I finally found out
who stole my bicycle,

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I beat the shit
outta that kid, man.

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And I realized, "Hey,

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I'm a better fighter
than I am a cyclist."

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And this is how
I became a boxer.

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(bell dings)

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My whole life,
people have been referring

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to me as the nephew
of Jackie Robinson.

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But I think
after what I do here today,

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they're gonna start
calling him "Slim's uncle."

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Really? You think
that people will start

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to call Jackie Robinson
"Slim's uncle"?

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Absolutely. Yeah.
I disagree.

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Hamm:
But what no one knew
was that the color barrier

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would not be
the only barrier
to fall that year.

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Because
I am woman,

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everyone think
I cannot do what
a man can do.

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"How can you ride
without the dick
and the balls?

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How can you ride
a bike with a...

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how you say?
You say "pussy."

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So, this is why I had
to disguise myself as a man.

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Honeycut: Adrian Baton,
the great French mystery.

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Being your first Tour,
were you rattled by anything?

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The-- the shaving of legs.

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I've never done this before,

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so this is
a first, uh...
(scoffs)

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I am a man,
you are a man.
We don't shave our legs.

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Right, but as a cyclist,
it's essential, isn't it?

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But it is weird.

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It was my first time talking
in public as a man...

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Someone smells of lilac.
Is it her?

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(sniffs)
Oh, yes, uh,

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very lilac
and very hot.

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Ho, ho, ho, ho,
what a hot chick.

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...and I think I nailed it.

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Hamm:
There were still other firsts
at the '82 Tour,

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including the appearance
of Marty Hass,

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the first-ever
African cyclist.

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Marty Hass. Marty Hass.
Africa! What's up, Africa?

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Feeling strong,
ready for the race?
Woo!

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Marty:
Oh, I was--
I was just, uh,

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psyched,
psyched, psyched
to be there,

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you know,
representing
Nigeria

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and all my
Nigerian brothers
and chicks.

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Marty's father owned
a diamond mine

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near Nigeria's capital...
(boy giggles)

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...where he went
to an all-American
private school.

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He rarely associated
with actual Nigerians.

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At a young age,
Marty established himself
as the country's best cyclist,

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because everyone else was
on bicycles made out of wood.

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But on a serious note, Rex,

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it is truly an honor
to be here to represent Africa,

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because-- I don't know
if you know this, but Africa's

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actually going through
some pretty weak stuff.

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Right.
For example, oftentimes,
it'll get pretty warm there.

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Here in Nigeria,
we hate Marty Hass.

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Marty Hass would
walk into a bar,

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then he would go
over to the jukebox

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and put on Bob Marley, "Legend,"

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and be shouting,
"African music!"

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Jamaica is not in Africa.

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Well, you seem
very, very proud
of your homeland.

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Indeed I am.
You know, I miss it.

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Being here in France,
I miss it back home,

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and... I bless the rains
down in Africa.

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Right, right,
like the song.

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Oh, I'm not familiar
with that.

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It's the lyrics
to the Toto song, "Africa."

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Uh, I'm not familiar
with that.

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But at any rate,
it's gonna take a lot...

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Both:
To drag me
away from you.

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From you. That's what
I was gonna say!
Shall we do it in harmony?

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That's so bizarre.
I was gonna say,

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"Drag me away from you,
from this great interview."

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Real Africans didn't like
that song, "Africa."

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That's why he was lying.

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You ever seen the dudes
in the band Toto?

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Those dudes shouldn't
be singing about Africa.

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Hamm: There's
an "honor among thieves"
code in cycling,

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and openly discussing the use
of performance-enhancing drugs

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is certainly off-limits.

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But we found
one former cyclist

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who was bold enough
to speak frankly

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under the guise
of anonymity.

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(distorted voice)

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I'm standing here
with the legendary
Gustav Ditters.

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You look like you're
going to be carrying

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a few extra pounds
on the bike this year.

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Yes. This is what happens
when you train super hard,

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on the bicycle.

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Honeycut: Well,
it is quite
impressive.

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Looks almost like
you could play
a real sport.

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(laughs)

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♪ ♪

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Ditters:
Everyone was cheating.

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Everyone...
except for me.

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Honeycut:
I'm gonna
have to work

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extra hard to keep up
with you out there.

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That's right,
you heard it.

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This year, I'll be on the bike,
riding alongside the riders,

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conducting my interviews
during the race,

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that is if I don't
pass out immediately.

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What do you think
about that, Gustav?
Fucking hell, mate.

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(distorted voice)

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(phone buzzing)

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Hamm: The 1982
Tour de France was
the most eccentric bike race

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in the history of cycling,
in large part due to the fact

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that virtually every rider
in the race was doping,

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nearly all 170 of them.

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The reason every
rider was on drugs
in the '82 race

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has to do
with the fact
that credit cards

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were introduced
to Finland
the year before.

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KultaBank issued the first
Finnish charge card,

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and they announced it
with a bizarre
commercial.

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(acoustic guitar
music playing)
(birds chirping)

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(sighs)

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(speaks Finnish,
gasps)

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(somber music plays)

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(cheery music plays)

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(breathing heavily)

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(groans)

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(announcer speaks Finnish)
(sighs)

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Yeah, it's
a confusing commercial

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for a dozen reasons
at least.

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First of all, why is
going down on his wife
payment for this guy?

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And what's he paying for?
Spilling the milk?

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We saw him spill the milk,
so why is she drinking milk
in the very next scene?

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You'll notice the woman
doesn't climax,

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which means the debt
has not been fully repaid,

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and likely never will.
(chuckles) Right, guys?

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Sorry, I just noticed
the crew is mostly women.

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I'm not good at oral sex.

239
00:10:12.433 --> 00:10:14.800
Hamm:
The disciplinary cunnilingus
shown in the commercials

240
00:10:14.800 --> 00:10:18.500
certainly did not do
its job explaining credit cards
to the people of Finland.

241
00:10:18.500 --> 00:10:20.500
and this included
the former president

242
00:10:20.500 --> 00:10:23.100
of the UCI,
Ditmer Klerken.

243
00:10:23.100 --> 00:10:24.867
Well, the UCI
was in charge

244
00:10:24.867 --> 00:10:27.100
of testing
all the riders
for doping,

245
00:10:27.100 --> 00:10:31.267
and the guy in charge
of that had a serious
credit card problem.

246
00:10:31.267 --> 00:10:33.933
I would
see something,
like a cool car

247
00:10:33.933 --> 00:10:36.933
a cool horse,
or something
like this,

248
00:10:36.933 --> 00:10:39.900
and-- and I would hand them
this magic piece of plastic

249
00:10:39.900 --> 00:10:41.734
and they would give me
the cool thing.

250
00:10:41.734 --> 00:10:43.400
After three months,
Ditmer owed

251
00:10:43.400 --> 00:10:46.333
nearly $16 million U.S.
to KultaBank.

252
00:10:46.333 --> 00:10:48.133
Because he was
in this huge debt,

253
00:10:48.133 --> 00:10:50.333
Ditmer sent every rider
a note saying

254
00:10:50.333 --> 00:10:52.867
if they paid him $50,000,

255
00:10:52.867 --> 00:10:54.834
they wouldn't
get drug-tested that year.

256
00:10:54.834 --> 00:10:57.500
Ditmer:
"Hey, if you don't want
to be drug tested,

257
00:10:57.500 --> 00:10:59.300
"make a check out
to Ditmer Klerken

258
00:10:59.300 --> 00:11:01.033
"in the amount
of $50,000 U.S.

259
00:11:01.033 --> 00:11:03.066
"and you won't be.
Thanks you guys, Ditmer.

260
00:11:03.066 --> 00:11:05.767
"PS, if you tell
anyone about this,

261
00:11:05.767 --> 00:11:07.600
I'll fucking kill you!!"

262
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:10.267
(chuckles)
Silly.

263
00:11:10.267 --> 00:11:11.700
Wright:
And here we go!

264
00:11:11.700 --> 00:11:15.300
The 1982 Tour de France
has officially begun!

265
00:11:15.300 --> 00:11:19.000
Guys came out flying on bikes!
Man, I wanted to be
on a bike so bad.

266
00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:20.734
(Armstrong speaks, distorted)

267
00:11:24.600 --> 00:11:26.100
(door opens)

268
00:11:26.100 --> 00:11:27.133
(man speaks)

269
00:11:32.233 --> 00:11:34.233
(man 2 speaks)

270
00:11:34.233 --> 00:11:35.966
(Armstrong speaks)

271
00:11:39.634 --> 00:11:43.233
Hamm:
Day one, 207 kilometers
from Basel to Mohlin,

272
00:11:43.233 --> 00:11:46.100
up and over some
of the most breathtaking
hillscapes in the world.

273
00:11:46.100 --> 00:11:49.200
a serene landscape that
was completely juxtaposed

274
00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:52.066
to the ugliness
that was about to ensue.

275
00:11:52.066 --> 00:11:54.933
Wright: The riders
still holding tight
in the peloton.

276
00:11:54.933 --> 00:11:58.267
JuJu Peppi not surprisingly
at the front of the pack.

277
00:11:58.267 --> 00:12:00.966
And it looks like we've got
a beautiful fan up ahead!

278
00:12:00.966 --> 00:12:04.567
Hey, hey, bella senora!
(echoes)

279
00:12:04.567 --> 00:12:07.333
Wright:
And JuJu went in for the grope
and is losing balance!

280
00:12:07.333 --> 00:12:10.166
Can he stay up?
Oh no! Oh no!

281
00:12:10.166 --> 00:12:12.600
JuJu's lost his balance!
He's fallen over!

282
00:12:12.600 --> 00:12:14.800
It's a terrible crash!
(crashing)

283
00:12:14.800 --> 00:12:17.400
(men groaning)
Yay!

284
00:12:17.400 --> 00:12:19.200
Wright:
People are
beginning to stand,

285
00:12:19.200 --> 00:12:22.100
which is a good sign.
Is-a not my fault!

286
00:12:22.100 --> 00:12:24.300
I lose-a sight
of the road!
Man: Hey, JuJu!

287
00:12:24.300 --> 00:12:25.834
People:
Whoa!

288
00:12:25.834 --> 00:12:27.767
(distorted voice)

289
00:12:36.734 --> 00:12:39.267
Hamm:
Jabin Dolchey was known
for two things:

290
00:12:39.267 --> 00:12:42.166
Fighting and his outfits
that he claimed to be made

291
00:12:42.166 --> 00:12:45.734
from a high-tech breathable
material he called Spanlon.

292
00:12:45.734 --> 00:12:48.500
Jabin Dolchey!
Speed the competition!

293
00:12:48.500 --> 00:12:50.000
He was an odd bird,

294
00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:51.734
and he seemed proud
of what everyone could see

295
00:12:51.734 --> 00:12:55.033
was a very tiny,
misshaped penis.

296
00:12:55.033 --> 00:12:58.100
(distorted voice)

297
00:12:58.100 --> 00:13:02.300
Hamm: Jabin's punch
kicked off the most massive
scuffle in Tour history.

298
00:13:02.300 --> 00:13:04.300
Honeycut:
Well, this is just awful.
(all shouting)

299
00:13:04.300 --> 00:13:07.500
These men are
literally trying to tear
one another apart.

300
00:13:07.500 --> 00:13:09.133
Cyclists are
incredible athletes

301
00:13:09.133 --> 00:13:10.500
as far as
endurance goes,

302
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:12.933
but a great deal
of 'em fight like
little bitches.

303
00:13:12.933 --> 00:13:15.933
(pop music playing)

304
00:13:23.100 --> 00:13:26.100
Tyson:
They had a dance party,
and people said it was a fight.

305
00:13:26.100 --> 00:13:28.600
As a boxer,
it was offensive to me.

306
00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:31.000
And as is
with every accident
near Switzerland,

307
00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:33.567
a Saint Bernard is
the first responder.

308
00:13:35.333 --> 00:13:36.567
It's really peaty.

309
00:13:36.567 --> 00:13:38.267
They tried
to hurt
each other,

310
00:13:38.267 --> 00:13:40.433
but I am a--
a peaceful
person.

311
00:13:40.433 --> 00:13:42.033
I don't
do things
like that.

312
00:13:42.033 --> 00:13:43.600
(shouting, grunting)

313
00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:48.867
Please!
No! No! I beg you!

314
00:13:48.867 --> 00:13:50.634
No! No! Please! I'm naked!

315
00:13:50.634 --> 00:13:52.834
(shouting)
Please put me down!

316
00:13:52.834 --> 00:13:54.634
Everything I did that day,

317
00:13:54.634 --> 00:13:56.400
I did in self-defense.

318
00:13:56.400 --> 00:13:58.200
Hamm:
French authorities
finally arrived

319
00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:00.000
and put the kibosh
on the fracas.

320
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:01.734
The first day
was canceled,

321
00:14:01.734 --> 00:14:03.933
but with no major injuries,
the race was expected

322
00:14:03.933 --> 00:14:05.500
to resume the following day,

323
00:14:05.500 --> 00:14:08.267
were it not
for a forsaken water bottle.

324
00:14:08.267 --> 00:14:10.300
(speaks French)

325
00:14:10.300 --> 00:14:12.600
(speaks French)

326
00:14:27.500 --> 00:14:28.667
(clicks)
Ah!

327
00:14:28.667 --> 00:14:31.000
(laughs) Ooh!

328
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:32.133
(speaks French)
Woo!

329
00:14:36.600 --> 00:14:37.800
(speaks French)

330
00:14:37.800 --> 00:14:40.066
If you take too strong
a dose of amphetamines,

331
00:14:40.066 --> 00:14:43.200
they can act
as a super powerful aphrodisiac.

332
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:44.900
(speaks French)

333
00:14:44.900 --> 00:14:46.000
No, no, no.
Oui.

334
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:48.634
(speaks French) No!

335
00:14:49.667 --> 00:14:51.634
No! No!

336
00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:54.200
No.

337
00:14:55.800 --> 00:14:57.800
No.
(continues speaking French)

338
00:14:57.800 --> 00:14:58.900
(woman speaks French)

339
00:14:58.900 --> 00:15:00.500
(officer
speaks French)

340
00:15:05.166 --> 00:15:07.567
When I took
a large dose
of amphetamines,

341
00:15:07.567 --> 00:15:10.467
I ended up
having sex with a--

342
00:15:10.467 --> 00:15:12.467
(man speaks)

343
00:15:14.367 --> 00:15:16.567
Oh, we have to try every drug
on our banned list,

344
00:15:16.567 --> 00:15:17.834
so we know what
we're dealing with.

345
00:15:17.834 --> 00:15:20.000
I actually paint what
the experiences are like,

346
00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:22.233
so I can remember
the effects of each drug.

347
00:15:23.267 --> 00:15:24.700
Would you like to see them?

348
00:15:24.700 --> 00:15:28.667
So, this is what I painted
while I was on amphetamines.

349
00:15:28.667 --> 00:15:32.100
It's kind of what I felt like
when I did the drug.

350
00:15:32.100 --> 00:15:34.100
(man speaks)

351
00:15:35.700 --> 00:15:37.267
Yeah.

352
00:15:37.267 --> 00:15:40.500
This is when
I did crack cocaine,

353
00:15:40.500 --> 00:15:43.333
so you can see how similar
the two drugs are.

354
00:15:43.333 --> 00:15:45.300
(man speaks)

355
00:15:48.300 --> 00:15:50.667
Oh, this is from
when I did meth.

356
00:15:50.667 --> 00:15:54.800
So, you can see that meth
is a very different drug
than the other two.

357
00:15:54.800 --> 00:15:57.533
(man speaks)

358
00:15:57.533 --> 00:15:59.200
Yeah.

359
00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:00.634
And all of these
are for sale.

360
00:16:01.834 --> 00:16:03.834
Hamm:
In an attempt to quell
the media frenzy,

361
00:16:03.834 --> 00:16:05.300
the water bottle created,

362
00:16:05.300 --> 00:16:07.500
Ditmer Klerken held
a press conference.
(reporters shouting)

363
00:16:07.500 --> 00:16:10.400
Ditmer, Ditmer.
There are reports that
you asked every rider

364
00:16:10.400 --> 00:16:13.233
for $50,000 if they did not want
to be drug tested.

365
00:16:13.233 --> 00:16:15.166
Is-- is that true?
Yeah, that's true.

366
00:16:15.166 --> 00:16:18.533
I mean, no. Fuck! No. I mean--
no, I mean it's not-- not true.

367
00:16:18.533 --> 00:16:20.267
Ah fuck! (snorts) Ah.

368
00:16:20.267 --> 00:16:21.734
Now you guys are never
going to believe me

369
00:16:21.734 --> 00:16:23.533
because I said
it was true right away.

370
00:16:23.533 --> 00:16:25.600
But no, no, no, that's--
that's not true.

371
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:28.700
But does anybody know
if you admit to something

372
00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:30.200
like taking bribes

373
00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:32.667
and you give
all the money back,
for instance,

374
00:16:32.667 --> 00:16:35.500
does that mean that
you could keep your job?

375
00:16:35.500 --> 00:16:37.834
Ah! What a crazy
hypothetical question.

376
00:16:37.834 --> 00:16:39.367
Where do I even come up
with this stuff?

377
00:16:39.367 --> 00:16:42.100
And nobody ask me
if I'm cheating on my wife,

378
00:16:42.100 --> 00:16:43.900
because I am.
Ah! I'm kidding.
(people gasp)

379
00:16:43.900 --> 00:16:45.400
No, no. Shit!

380
00:16:45.400 --> 00:16:47.966
Hamm:
And one by one,
nearly every participant

381
00:16:47.966 --> 00:16:50.933
in the race was disqualified
for sending the bribe money.

382
00:16:50.933 --> 00:16:55.966
Of the 170 riders entered,
only five did not send checks.

383
00:16:55.966 --> 00:16:57.600
With only
five riders left,

384
00:16:57.600 --> 00:16:59.600
it seemed the Tour
would be canceled.

385
00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:02.033
I didn't pay Ditmer.
What I to do?

386
00:17:02.033 --> 00:17:04.834
But if-a they end the race,
then I am punished for what?

387
00:17:04.834 --> 00:17:06.800
Why punish me?
Look at me.

388
00:17:06.800 --> 00:17:08.933
You put a little coke-a
in your nose, take a shit,

389
00:17:08.933 --> 00:17:10.734
have great sex,
wake up-a the next day,

390
00:17:10.734 --> 00:17:12.734
and you are
like a... champion.

391
00:17:12.734 --> 00:17:15.233
No, I would never do that.
Are you crazy?

392
00:17:15.233 --> 00:17:17.767
In an unprecedented decision,

393
00:17:17.767 --> 00:17:19.500
the UCI has decided to allow

394
00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:21.100
the Tour de France
to continue

395
00:17:21.100 --> 00:17:23.300
with only the five
remaining cyclists,

396
00:17:23.300 --> 00:17:26.767
the final five,
which I am dubbing
The Fab 5.

397
00:17:26.767 --> 00:17:28.634
You heard it here first,
ladies and gentlemen,

398
00:17:28.634 --> 00:17:32.533
these five riders
will forever be known
as The Fab 5.

399
00:17:32.533 --> 00:17:34.467
(buzzer sounds)
Hamm: Not to be confused
with the Fab Five,

400
00:17:34.467 --> 00:17:36.800
the Michigan basketball team
who ultimately became
much more famous.

401
00:17:36.800 --> 00:17:38.267
(man whispering)
Who's that?

402
00:17:38.267 --> 00:17:39.667
(man 2 whispering)
That's Chris Webber.

403
00:17:39.667 --> 00:17:41.267
Man: What?
Man 2: From the
wrong Fab Five.

404
00:17:41.267 --> 00:17:43.267
Man: Well, fuck. Who-- why did--
why did you bring him here?

405
00:17:43.267 --> 00:17:44.700
Man 2:
I don't know.
Somebody fucked up.

406
00:17:44.700 --> 00:17:46.233
Man:
What are we supposed
to do with this guy?

407
00:17:46.233 --> 00:17:48.966
Man 2: Just wait till
he goes to the bathroom,
then we all leave.

408
00:17:48.966 --> 00:17:51.166
Wright:
Here we are, Stage 2,

409
00:17:51.166 --> 00:17:55.100
Tour de France!
It's a 250 kilometer ride

410
00:17:55.100 --> 00:17:58.233
through flat plains
from Basel to Nancy.

411
00:17:58.233 --> 00:17:59.600
♪ ♪

412
00:17:59.600 --> 00:18:02.166
Here we are,
Tour de France, day two,

413
00:18:02.166 --> 00:18:04.634
and I'm riding
right alongside the riders,

414
00:18:04.634 --> 00:18:07.700
getting the scoop straight
from the horse's mouth,
so to speak.

415
00:18:07.700 --> 00:18:10.966
And to no one's surprise,
it's JuJu in the lead.

416
00:18:10.966 --> 00:18:13.867
I was really impressed,
what a great rider Rex was.

417
00:18:13.867 --> 00:18:16.133
I mean, he was right there
in the front of the pack

418
00:18:16.133 --> 00:18:18.066
most of the time
with that microphone.

419
00:18:18.066 --> 00:18:20.300
He was riding
with the greatest cyclists
in the world.

420
00:18:20.300 --> 00:18:22.500
Well, it's only day two.
Don't kill yourself.

421
00:18:22.500 --> 00:18:23.966
Got another
three weeks to go.

422
00:18:23.966 --> 00:18:26.100
I'm-a no kill myself.

423
00:18:26.100 --> 00:18:29.500
I'm-a never die,
not on a bicycle.

424
00:18:29.500 --> 00:18:31.300
That is a sure thing.

425
00:18:31.300 --> 00:18:33.367
Hamm:
And JuJu didn't die that day,

426
00:18:33.367 --> 00:18:35.533
but he did eventually,
as you know,

427
00:18:35.533 --> 00:18:37.700
because we showed it
to you at the beginning.

428
00:18:37.700 --> 00:18:40.900
But that day, he lived
and won the yellow jersey,

429
00:18:40.900 --> 00:18:44.634
then celebrated that night
with a well-earned massage.

430
00:18:44.634 --> 00:18:47.267
Each night,
the depleted muscles

431
00:18:47.267 --> 00:18:50.267
must be softened in readiness
for the torture ahead.

432
00:18:50.267 --> 00:18:53.166
The riders' bulging,
shaved quadriceps

433
00:18:53.166 --> 00:18:55.066
and smooth,
taut hamstrings

434
00:18:55.066 --> 00:18:57.500
require deep tissue massage

435
00:18:57.500 --> 00:18:59.467
with the finest oils available

436
00:18:59.467 --> 00:19:01.000
and strong fingers.

437
00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:05.066
All that built up lactic acid
can finally be ejaculated.

438
00:19:05.066 --> 00:19:08.166
(cyclists moaning loudly)

439
00:19:08.166 --> 00:19:11.033
After that,
I passed out,
but not before,

440
00:19:11.033 --> 00:19:12.634
I remember, making
everybody promise

441
00:19:12.634 --> 00:19:14.367
to take turns
riding up front

442
00:19:14.367 --> 00:19:15.800
so the rest of us
could draft.

443
00:19:15.800 --> 00:19:19.100
You gotta take it down
a notch out there, JuJu.
You're going too hard.

444
00:19:19.100 --> 00:19:20.900
Marty's right.
It's just the five of us.

445
00:19:20.900 --> 00:19:22.667
Yeah, we gotta
work together,

446
00:19:22.667 --> 00:19:24.600
and all
start drafting
for each other.

447
00:19:24.600 --> 00:19:27.700
One of the most important
elements of cycling
is drafting,

448
00:19:27.700 --> 00:19:31.634
and that's when the cyclists
take turns breaking the wind
at the front of the pack.

449
00:19:31.634 --> 00:19:33.867
It's much harder
on the rider in the front,

450
00:19:33.867 --> 00:19:36.834
but everyone behind him
expends way less energy.

451
00:19:36.834 --> 00:19:39.133
♪ ♪

452
00:19:39.133 --> 00:19:41.834
Robinson: What the fuck, dude?
We said we were gonna
take turns in the lead.

453
00:19:41.834 --> 00:19:43.500
Yeah, well,
it's not my turn.

454
00:19:43.500 --> 00:19:44.900
Robinson:
Well, it's not
my turn either.

455
00:19:44.900 --> 00:19:46.500
JuJu, you take the lead.

456
00:19:46.500 --> 00:19:48.400
I'm like, "Dudes,
what happened to the plan?"

457
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:49.834
You know, nobody wanted
to do the work.

458
00:19:49.834 --> 00:19:51.166
Everybody's just slowing down.

459
00:19:51.166 --> 00:19:53.133
You know, there's
an old saying in Nigeria:

460
00:19:53.133 --> 00:19:57.133
Is there no honor
amongst blood diamond thieves?

461
00:19:59.066 --> 00:20:00.867
I think that applied
in this case.

462
00:20:00.867 --> 00:20:03.767
No one
would ride
in front, so--

463
00:20:03.767 --> 00:20:06.000
so we were
all competing
to be in the back.

464
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:08.000
Hamm: Over the next
seven days,

465
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:10.133
the riders crawled
across France,

466
00:20:10.133 --> 00:20:12.166
each unwilling
to take the lead.

467
00:20:12.166 --> 00:20:14.933
Suffice it to say,
during this section,

468
00:20:14.933 --> 00:20:17.267
the race was boring.

469
00:20:18.500 --> 00:20:20.700
Wright:
Here we are, stage nine,

470
00:20:20.700 --> 00:20:22.567
the monotony continues.
(man yawns)

471
00:20:22.567 --> 00:20:25.734
Wright:
Now being passed
by an old lady.

472
00:20:25.734 --> 00:20:27.734
(distorted voice)

473
00:20:29.834 --> 00:20:31.100
(window blinds
rustle, clack)

474
00:20:34.267 --> 00:20:36.567
(man speaks)

475
00:20:41.166 --> 00:20:42.867
(man 2 speaks)

476
00:20:57.734 --> 00:21:00.100
(birds chirping)

477
00:21:00.100 --> 00:21:03.600
Slim, you've done
an amazing job,
riding slowest today.

478
00:21:03.600 --> 00:21:05.634
How are you holding up
at this pace?

479
00:21:05.634 --> 00:21:08.667
You know, Rex, riding
like this has given me a chance
to really stop and look around.

480
00:21:08.667 --> 00:21:10.966
Yeah, I mean,
look where we are.

481
00:21:10.966 --> 00:21:12.734
It's beautiful out here.

482
00:21:12.734 --> 00:21:15.166
Right. Sure.

483
00:21:16.333 --> 00:21:18.700
Yeah, so,
what's next for you?

484
00:21:18.700 --> 00:21:20.433
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold up, Rex.

485
00:21:20.433 --> 00:21:21.634
Hold up.
Hold up. Hold up.

486
00:21:21.634 --> 00:21:23.800
♪ ♪

487
00:21:23.800 --> 00:21:25.133
Hey.

488
00:21:25.133 --> 00:21:27.000
That's where
I met Fabienne.

489
00:21:30.533 --> 00:21:31.966
Oh.

490
00:21:33.300 --> 00:21:34.600
Yeah, excuse me
for one moment.

491
00:21:34.600 --> 00:21:36.300
I gotta see about
something over here.

492
00:21:36.300 --> 00:21:38.600
Right.
(chuckles)

493
00:21:38.600 --> 00:21:41.333
That's Slim Robinson,
taking a moment

494
00:21:41.333 --> 00:21:43.634
to really enjoy life.

495
00:21:43.634 --> 00:21:44.966
I totally
understand
what Slim did.

496
00:21:44.966 --> 00:21:46.667
Sometimes
you just need
a time-out.

497
00:21:48.600 --> 00:21:51.200
Hamm:
But the slow riding
suddenly came to an end

498
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:54.200
when a rowdy fan
awoke a sleeping giant.

499
00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:56.200
(man shouts)

500
00:21:57.233 --> 00:21:58.834
(angrily)
What the fuck
did you say to me?

501
00:21:58.834 --> 00:22:01.567
Today a man tell Gustav
I cannot ride fast,

502
00:22:01.567 --> 00:22:03.300
but I can ride very fast.
(cameras clicking)

503
00:22:03.300 --> 00:22:04.734
I will now field questions.
Woman: Gustav!

504
00:22:04.734 --> 00:22:07.000
Gustav, my question is,
can you ride fast?

505
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:08.834
Fuck you! Next question.

506
00:22:08.834 --> 00:22:10.600
Yeah, hi.
Can you ride fast?

507
00:22:10.600 --> 00:22:13.933
Fuck you!
Tomorrow I will ride
incredibly fast

508
00:22:13.933 --> 00:22:15.567
and prove all of you wrong!

509
00:22:15.567 --> 00:22:18.100
The race starts now!

510
00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:21.567
Wright: And Gustav Ditters
making good on his promise.
(shouting)

511
00:22:21.567 --> 00:22:23.800
Wright:
The race starts now.

512
00:22:23.800 --> 00:22:27.600
He is absolutely
tearing up the Pyrenees
like a man possessed.

513
00:22:27.600 --> 00:22:30.233
Even taking into account
the past 10 days' rest,

514
00:22:30.233 --> 00:22:32.133
this performance
is off the charts!

515
00:22:32.133 --> 00:22:34.933
I do not know
what has got into this guy.

516
00:22:34.933 --> 00:22:37.900
Hamm:
No one knew what had gotten
into Gustav Ditters that day,

517
00:22:37.900 --> 00:22:40.634
but many suspected
something had, literally.

518
00:22:40.634 --> 00:22:43.200
Setting records
is standard protocol
for the Tour de France,

519
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:45.867
but when you blow records away
and burn up a mountain

520
00:22:45.867 --> 00:22:48.300
at a pace most sprinters
achieve on flat land,

521
00:22:48.300 --> 00:22:50.966
suspicions arise.
(glass shatters)

522
00:22:50.966 --> 00:22:52.767
Hey, come on.
How do you beat

523
00:22:52.767 --> 00:22:54.734
a man on drugs
if you're not
on drugs?

524
00:22:54.734 --> 00:22:56.667
Man: Wait.
Did you just admit
to being on drugs?

525
00:22:56.667 --> 00:22:59.200
(birds chirping)

526
00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:02.600
Hamm: JuJu wasn't
the only one suspicious
of Gustav's newfound energy.

527
00:23:02.600 --> 00:23:04.933
Monsieur Ditters,
we are police!

528
00:23:04.933 --> 00:23:07.767
(speaks French)

529
00:23:07.767 --> 00:23:09.634
It is not blood.
It is not blood.

530
00:23:09.634 --> 00:23:11.533
(laughs)

531
00:23:11.533 --> 00:23:13.533
It is Gatorade.
I will drink it now.

532
00:23:13.533 --> 00:23:15.767
Give me the Gatorade!
(both shouting)

533
00:23:15.767 --> 00:23:18.100
Give me the blood!
Give me the blood!

534
00:23:18.100 --> 00:23:20.700
(shouting)
(screaming)

535
00:23:20.700 --> 00:23:23.567
Hamm:
Blood doping. Most people
are familiar with the term,

536
00:23:23.567 --> 00:23:25.667
but how exactly
does it work?

537
00:23:25.667 --> 00:23:28.400
To understand doping,
we must first understand

538
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:30.100
the function
of the red blood cell.

539
00:23:30.100 --> 00:23:32.600
♪ ♪
(film projector clicking)

540
00:23:34.600 --> 00:23:38.433
(all chattering)
(whistle tweets)

541
00:23:38.433 --> 00:23:40.600
Hi, I'm a red blood cell,

542
00:23:40.600 --> 00:23:43.533
and it's the most common type
of blood cell in your body.

543
00:23:43.533 --> 00:23:45.100
That's right, my boy!

544
00:23:45.100 --> 00:23:49.166
Our job is perhaps
the most important
in the bloodstream.

545
00:23:49.166 --> 00:23:51.000
We are the delivery men,

546
00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:54.500
delivering oxygen to all
the cells of the body.

547
00:23:54.500 --> 00:23:56.667
We work alongside
the other blood cells,

548
00:23:56.667 --> 00:23:58.200
like platelets...
Hey-oh!

549
00:23:58.200 --> 00:24:00.066
...who are
the construction men...
Ow!

550
00:24:00.066 --> 00:24:03.800
...and the white blood cells,
who are the police force
around here.

551
00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:05.734
He's got a gun!
What?

552
00:24:05.734 --> 00:24:07.867
(groans)
(crowd gasps)

553
00:24:07.867 --> 00:24:09.966
Oh my God!
He's fucking dead!

554
00:24:09.966 --> 00:24:12.533
All right, calm-- calm down.
We were just doing our job.

555
00:24:12.533 --> 00:24:13.933
♪ ♪
Pigs! Pigs!

556
00:24:13.933 --> 00:24:15.834
Let's burn
this motherfucker down!

557
00:24:15.834 --> 00:24:18.233
Kill these white motherfuckers!

558
00:24:18.233 --> 00:24:21.066
No! Don't burn my shop down!
I'm on your side!

559
00:24:21.066 --> 00:24:22.233
Yeah, burn it down!

560
00:24:22.233 --> 00:24:24.233
Stop! We're just
attacking ourselves!

561
00:24:24.233 --> 00:24:26.667
It's full-blown AIDS in here!

562
00:24:26.667 --> 00:24:29.300
(high-pitched tone)
Hamm: The animator
of the proceeding piece

563
00:24:29.300 --> 00:24:31.533
was a woman named
Victoria Young.

564
00:24:31.533 --> 00:24:34.300
I was originally
an animator for
Sesame Street,

565
00:24:34.300 --> 00:24:35.867
but then
I got fired
from Henson,

566
00:24:35.867 --> 00:24:38.367
because
I couldn't draw
fast enough.

567
00:24:38.367 --> 00:24:40.567
Sesame Street
was also unhappy

568
00:24:40.567 --> 00:24:43.500
with my creation
of the character
Huey Black.

569
00:24:43.500 --> 00:24:46.033
Heya, Huey!
Do you wanna play
a numbers game?

570
00:24:46.033 --> 00:24:47.500
Shut the fuck up!

571
00:24:47.500 --> 00:24:51.367
Anyway, Gustav Ditters
was blood doping,

572
00:24:51.367 --> 00:24:53.267
but not the way
you'd expect.

573
00:24:53.267 --> 00:24:56.200
Cyclists dope
to get their VO2
max levels up,

574
00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:59.267
so Gustav figured,
"Why not add
red blood cells

575
00:24:59.267 --> 00:25:01.966
"from the creature
with the highest
VO2 max level

576
00:25:01.966 --> 00:25:04.033
on Earth?"
A cheetah.

577
00:25:04.033 --> 00:25:07.100
Just because I have
cheetah blood does not
make me a cheetah!

578
00:25:07.100 --> 00:25:09.033
(man speaks)

579
00:25:09.033 --> 00:25:11.400
Cheetah. If I have
cheetah blood in me,

580
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:13.200
I am not cheetah, yeah?

581
00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:14.600
I was never
a cheetah.

582
00:25:14.600 --> 00:25:16.333
The UCI
should have
understood that.

583
00:25:16.333 --> 00:25:19.700
If you put cheetah blood in you,
it wouldn't make you a cheetah.

584
00:25:19.700 --> 00:25:21.233
(man speaks)

585
00:25:21.233 --> 00:25:22.400
What are you having
trouble with?

586
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:24.867
The way I say cheetah
or the way I say "cheat-ah"?

587
00:25:24.867 --> 00:25:26.533
Hamm:
Whether it was
effective or not,

588
00:25:26.533 --> 00:25:29.400
Gustav did add
a foreign substance
to his body.

589
00:25:29.400 --> 00:25:32.567
And for doing so,
he was disqualified
as a cheetah.

590
00:25:32.567 --> 00:25:33.966
(roars)

591
00:25:33.966 --> 00:25:36.300
And the following day,
the field narrowed even further

592
00:25:36.300 --> 00:25:39.333
when JuJu Peppi took
his fatal tumble off a cliff.

593
00:25:39.333 --> 00:25:40.933
Man:
Holy shit!
(crashes)

594
00:25:40.933 --> 00:25:43.867
Woman: Oh man!
Man 2:
It ripped his dick off!

595
00:25:43.867 --> 00:25:47.267
People dope. Yeah.
They risk their lives,

596
00:25:47.267 --> 00:25:49.200
but, you know,
this is a sport

597
00:25:49.200 --> 00:25:51.700
with literally hundreds
of dollars on the line,

598
00:25:51.700 --> 00:25:53.166
and dozens of fans.

599
00:25:53.166 --> 00:25:55.867
The... stakes are medium!

600
00:25:55.867 --> 00:25:58.066
Hamm:
By stage 14,
Marty and Adrian were

601
00:25:58.066 --> 00:25:59.634
the only riders left
in the race.

602
00:25:59.634 --> 00:26:03.100
Slim Robinson was still back
on the outskirts of Marsan.

603
00:26:03.100 --> 00:26:04.966
I love it here.
Stopping the race

604
00:26:04.966 --> 00:26:06.500
was the best decision
I ever made.

605
00:26:06.500 --> 00:26:08.734
(man speaks)

606
00:26:08.734 --> 00:26:10.867
Just been working
the farm with Fabienne.

607
00:26:10.867 --> 00:26:13.267
We produce dairy here--
milk, yogurt and cheese.

608
00:26:13.267 --> 00:26:16.634
You know,
I love tending the land,
milking the cows,

609
00:26:16.634 --> 00:26:18.600
fucking the shit
outta Fabienne.

610
00:26:18.600 --> 00:26:20.600
It just all really suited me.

611
00:26:20.600 --> 00:26:22.267
(man speaks)

612
00:26:22.267 --> 00:26:24.367
I still ride
a bike every day,

613
00:26:24.367 --> 00:26:26.600
only now
it's to deliver
our dairy.

614
00:26:26.600 --> 00:26:29.500
Only thing I'm racing now is
the expiration date on our milk.

615
00:26:29.500 --> 00:26:31.166
(chuckles, speaks French)

616
00:26:32.267 --> 00:26:34.367
It should be noted,
though, that I am probably

617
00:26:34.367 --> 00:26:37.200
the first black
French dairy farmer.

618
00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:39.000
Number one, baby.

619
00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:41.233
♪ ♪
Hamm: Thus,
unbeknownst to Marty,

620
00:26:41.233 --> 00:26:44.667
he found himself
in cycling's first
battle of the sexes.

621
00:26:44.667 --> 00:26:48.000
It was just
down to the--
to the two of us,

622
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.700
real competitive,

623
00:26:49.700 --> 00:26:51.700
uh, and then
something weird
happened.

624
00:26:51.700 --> 00:26:54.333
I started to notice, like,
little things about him,

625
00:26:54.333 --> 00:26:56.966
and started to feel,
like, "I want to get
to know him better,"

626
00:26:56.966 --> 00:26:58.867
or something like that,
and that was strange,

627
00:26:58.867 --> 00:27:00.367
'cause I should've
been focused on winning.

628
00:27:00.367 --> 00:27:03.033
Wright:
And I have to say,
Marty and Adrian,

629
00:27:03.033 --> 00:27:05.734
really seem to be
enjoying each other's
company out there.

630
00:27:05.734 --> 00:27:11.200
I think maybe Marty knew
I was woman somewhere
deep inside him.

631
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:14.467
Wright: And here we go.
Looks like we're finally
getting a race.

632
00:27:14.467 --> 00:27:16.767
No, they're pulling over
for a break.

633
00:27:16.767 --> 00:27:18.300
What the hell is this?

634
00:27:18.300 --> 00:27:21.166
If I didn't know
that he was a she

635
00:27:21.166 --> 00:27:22.767
before we went
behind that wall,

636
00:27:22.767 --> 00:27:25.500
jeez, I sure did after.

637
00:27:25.500 --> 00:27:29.000
Baton:
Oh yeah. Oh God. Oui!
Hass: Oh yeah.

638
00:27:29.000 --> 00:27:31.500
(grunting in unison)

639
00:27:31.500 --> 00:27:32.500
Baton:
Oh man.

640
00:27:34.100 --> 00:27:35.133
Oui!

641
00:27:35.133 --> 00:27:37.333
Most hard-core
cyclists know

642
00:27:37.333 --> 00:27:39.066
that cycling
was invented

643
00:27:39.066 --> 00:27:41.367
so that men
could fuck
in the hills.

644
00:27:41.367 --> 00:27:43.133
I promised
to keep
her secret

645
00:27:43.133 --> 00:27:45.033
just between us,

646
00:27:45.033 --> 00:27:48.533
and in so doing,
I became something
of a gay icon.

647
00:27:48.533 --> 00:27:53.367
Marty and Adrian
became the first
publicly out gay athletes,

648
00:27:53.367 --> 00:27:56.734
while simultaneously being
in a heterosexual relationship.

649
00:27:56.734 --> 00:27:58.667
Hamm:
Their romantic tryst

650
00:27:58.667 --> 00:28:00.100
was well-documented.

651
00:28:00.100 --> 00:28:03.433
most beautifully covered
by the French news channels.

652
00:28:03.433 --> 00:28:05.900
The way the French
cover their sporting
events is gorgeous.

653
00:28:05.900 --> 00:28:07.200
I'll watch
French sports
all the time

654
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:08.867
just to kinda
brainstorm new ways
of shooting things.

655
00:28:08.867 --> 00:28:11.033
(romantic music playing)

656
00:28:11.033 --> 00:28:13.033
(Baton speaks French)

657
00:28:21.367 --> 00:28:23.033
(grunts)
Hey!

658
00:28:23.033 --> 00:28:25.100
(Baton speaks French)

659
00:28:31.867 --> 00:28:33.767
Abrams:
The France 2 coverage
of the 1982 Tour de France,

660
00:28:33.767 --> 00:28:35.200
it wasn't just
impressive footage

661
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:36.433
for a news team
to capture.

662
00:28:36.433 --> 00:28:38.200
I call it groundbreaking
footage for film, period.

663
00:28:38.200 --> 00:28:39.834
This wasn't
the French new wave.

664
00:28:39.834 --> 00:28:41.467
This was
the French news wave.

665
00:28:42.834 --> 00:28:44.200
Don't put that
in the movie.
That, um...

666
00:28:45.367 --> 00:28:47.133
It's too good of a line.
I want to get it right.

667
00:28:49.233 --> 00:28:50.367
This wasn't
the French new wave.

668
00:28:51.433 --> 00:28:52.734
It was
the French news wave.

669
00:28:54.900 --> 00:28:56.500
That was it.

670
00:28:56.500 --> 00:28:59.100
(Delibes' "Flower Duet" playing)

671
00:29:02.100 --> 00:29:04.667
We tied a rope
to our bikes

672
00:29:04.667 --> 00:29:07.834
so... there would be
no winners

673
00:29:07.834 --> 00:29:09.467
and there
would be no losers.

674
00:29:09.467 --> 00:29:11.433
We would
always be together.

675
00:29:11.433 --> 00:29:12.933
Well, to see Marty
in the lead

676
00:29:12.933 --> 00:29:15.300
and in love
made me so upset,

677
00:29:15.300 --> 00:29:17.433
because I hated
Marty Hass.

678
00:29:17.433 --> 00:29:19.700
There. You talking
about Marty Hass?

679
00:29:19.700 --> 00:29:22.000
Yes.
Fuck Marty Hass!

680
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:23.900
Fuck Marty Hass!
Fuck him!
Fuck him!

681
00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:26.567
Stage 19.
Just two days remain

682
00:29:26.567 --> 00:29:29.333
and interest in the Tour
has dwindled nearly to nothing.

683
00:29:29.333 --> 00:29:31.333
No spectators
line the streets.

684
00:29:31.333 --> 00:29:35.133
Passing cars have absolutely
no clue that an event of any
kind is taking place.

685
00:29:35.133 --> 00:29:38.667
In fact, at this point,
I have no idea why
we're even out here.

686
00:29:38.667 --> 00:29:42.267
I'm just a guy on a bike
following a homosexual couple

687
00:29:42.267 --> 00:29:43.767
who have tied
their bikes together.

688
00:29:43.767 --> 00:29:45.333
Hamm:
And to no one's surprise,

689
00:29:45.333 --> 00:29:48.700
Marty and Adrian shared
the yellow jersey that day.

690
00:29:48.700 --> 00:29:51.966
(cheers, applause)

691
00:29:51.966 --> 00:29:53.966
(Armstrong speaks,
distorted)

692
00:30:04.200 --> 00:30:08.066
Here we are, the beginning
of the end of the 1982
Tour de France,

693
00:30:08.066 --> 00:30:11.433
the 187-kilometer ride
from Fontenay-sous-Bois

694
00:30:11.433 --> 00:30:14.233
to the finishing line
at the Champs-Elysées.

695
00:30:14.233 --> 00:30:17.267
Excuse me a moment.
Just getting word
from the home office.

696
00:30:18.433 --> 00:30:19.567
Yeah?

697
00:30:19.567 --> 00:30:21.966
And just when
you think it's over,

698
00:30:21.966 --> 00:30:24.166
there's some shit
that's about to go down.

699
00:30:24.166 --> 00:30:28.367
That's bonkers!
Well, some interesting
new developments in the race.

700
00:30:28.367 --> 00:30:30.700
The UCI has just informed me

701
00:30:30.700 --> 00:30:34.000
that technically,
since I've ridden
every stage of the race

702
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:37.667
and had to register
as a cyclist to bring
my bike on the road,

703
00:30:37.667 --> 00:30:39.734
I'm eligible
to win this thing.

704
00:30:39.734 --> 00:30:42.033
Both: What?
And I think
I just might.

705
00:30:42.033 --> 00:30:43.933
(shouts)
(bikes clack)

706
00:30:43.933 --> 00:30:46.867
(dramatic music plays)

707
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:50.667
Wright:
A perfect backflip
from Rex!

708
00:30:50.667 --> 00:30:52.100
Whoa!

709
00:30:57.000 --> 00:30:59.033
Wright:
And it's a matching pair
of tail whips

710
00:30:59.033 --> 00:31:01.333
from the
lovebirds.
Whoa-ho!

711
00:31:01.333 --> 00:31:04.734
And it appears
Adrian is now untying
the rope for some reason.

712
00:31:04.734 --> 00:31:06.867
No! Adrian,
what are you doing?
(panting)

713
00:31:06.867 --> 00:31:09.734
It is the only way, Marty.

714
00:31:09.734 --> 00:31:13.767
We can do this together.
No, you do it for us, Marty.

715
00:31:13.767 --> 00:31:16.533
I love you. Je t'aime.

716
00:31:17.600 --> 00:31:20.133
No! Adrian!

717
00:31:20.133 --> 00:31:22.267
Je t'aime!

718
00:31:22.267 --> 00:31:25.300
♪ ♪

719
00:31:27.367 --> 00:31:30.467
I had no fear
when I ran into Rex,

720
00:31:30.467 --> 00:31:32.933
because my heart
was just so full,

721
00:31:32.933 --> 00:31:34.634
full of love for Marty.

722
00:31:34.634 --> 00:31:36.600
I could feel nothing else.

723
00:31:36.600 --> 00:31:39.966
In fact, I could feel
nothing at all,

724
00:31:39.966 --> 00:31:42.333
because I was also on...

725
00:31:42.333 --> 00:31:45.100
very much... Oxycodone.

726
00:31:45.100 --> 00:31:47.100
♪ ♪

727
00:31:47.100 --> 00:31:49.600
Whoa! The dude was a chick!

728
00:31:49.600 --> 00:31:53.834
(whimpers)
Wright: Adrian Baton is,
in fact, a woman.

729
00:31:53.834 --> 00:31:55.834
Well, that moment
really set the groundwork

730
00:31:55.834 --> 00:31:58.333
for a whole genre
of cross-dressing
sports films--

731
00:31:58.333 --> 00:32:00.933
Just One of the Guys,
Nobody's Perfect,

732
00:32:00.933 --> 00:32:03.500
Ladybugs,
Juwanna Ma--
Juwanna Mann

733
00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:05.734
is, I think,
one of the best films.

734
00:32:05.734 --> 00:32:08.300
It's arguably
the best film.

735
00:32:08.300 --> 00:32:09.634
Wright:
And that's not all.

736
00:32:09.634 --> 00:32:11.433
It appears
Rex Honeycut
was riding

737
00:32:11.433 --> 00:32:13.000
with an engine
in his bike.

738
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:15.634
I guess that explains
how he kept up with the pros.

739
00:32:15.634 --> 00:32:18.966
Hamm:
It was all Marty, all alone,
heading into Paris.

740
00:32:18.966 --> 00:32:21.000
Marty:
It was-- it was heartbreaking
to try to go it alone,

741
00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:23.700
but I had to try
to win for Adrian--

742
00:32:23.700 --> 00:32:25.634
otherwise her sacrifice
would've been for nothing.

743
00:32:25.634 --> 00:32:28.700
An African
was going to win
the Tour de France!

744
00:32:28.700 --> 00:32:30.133
And for a brief moment...

745
00:32:31.133 --> 00:32:33.834
I loved Marty Hass.

746
00:32:33.834 --> 00:32:36.667
♪ ♪

747
00:32:40.333 --> 00:32:43.066
(cheering)

748
00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:49.467
Wright:
And here's Marty Hass
approaching the finish line.

749
00:32:49.467 --> 00:32:52.800
He will be the champion
of the 1982--
(bike bell dings)

750
00:32:52.800 --> 00:32:55.367
Wait! What's this?
Ladies and gentlemen,

751
00:32:55.367 --> 00:32:57.267
Slim Robinson is back!

752
00:32:57.267 --> 00:32:59.000
Even though life
on the farm was perfect,

753
00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:01.600
I couldn't get cycling
out of my head.

754
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:03.900
(shouting)
Wright: Slim is moving
at an incredible pace

755
00:33:03.900 --> 00:33:06.433
on his cruiser!
He's caught up to Marty!

756
00:33:06.433 --> 00:33:09.433
But now it's Marty
giving a strong push!

757
00:33:09.433 --> 00:33:10.900
Ladies and gentlemen,

758
00:33:10.900 --> 00:33:12.933
we are in
for an incredible finish!

759
00:33:12.933 --> 00:33:15.867
They are absolutely neck
and neck right now!

760
00:33:15.867 --> 00:33:18.800
Getting closer!
Getting closer!

761
00:33:18.800 --> 00:33:21.000
This is one
for the record books!

762
00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:22.634
And the winner is...

763
00:33:24.100 --> 00:33:25.834
(calmly)
Slim Robinson
by a long shot.

764
00:33:25.834 --> 00:33:28.166
It looked really close
from the other angle,

765
00:33:28.166 --> 00:33:30.500
but no,
it was not close at all.

766
00:33:30.500 --> 00:33:33.100
Those defocused lenses
can be really deceiving.

767
00:33:33.100 --> 00:33:35.867
(pops)
(shouting)

768
00:33:35.867 --> 00:33:38.400
I still get emotional
when I think about it.

769
00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:42.834
I mean, I was
the first black man
in the Tour de France,

770
00:33:42.834 --> 00:33:44.267
and I won it.

771
00:33:44.267 --> 00:33:46.834
This is the most important shit
that has ever happened ever!

772
00:33:46.834 --> 00:33:49.066
(cheering)
Fuck Jackie Robinson,

773
00:33:49.066 --> 00:33:52.634
and fuck Marty Hass
with his fake African ass!

774
00:33:52.634 --> 00:33:55.567
Guess what else?
I can make cheese, yo!

775
00:33:55.567 --> 00:33:57.367
I make some good cheeses.

776
00:33:57.367 --> 00:33:59.933
Was I happy that a black man
won the Tour de France?

777
00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:02.700
This is the first
I'm hearing about it.

778
00:34:02.700 --> 00:34:04.966
Somehow, Marty Hass

779
00:34:04.966 --> 00:34:07.333
found a way
to fuck us over again.

780
00:34:07.333 --> 00:34:09.500
You know,
I think it's a bit
of a shame that--

781
00:34:09.500 --> 00:34:11.900
that an African
couldn't have won that race.

782
00:34:11.900 --> 00:34:14.600
It was a very fucked up year
for bicycle riding.

783
00:34:14.600 --> 00:34:16.200
Cyclists are hunks.

784
00:34:16.200 --> 00:34:18.367
I still really don't love
watching cycling.

785
00:34:18.367 --> 00:34:21.200
With the upper body
of an alien

786
00:34:21.200 --> 00:34:23.433
and the downstairs
of a horse.

787
00:34:23.433 --> 00:34:26.700
What really got me
invested in the '82 Tour
were the characters.

788
00:34:26.700 --> 00:34:29.133
With only five guys,
you really got to know
each of them.

789
00:34:29.133 --> 00:34:32.433
You really cared.
It was just super strong
character development,

790
00:34:32.433 --> 00:34:34.333
and the whole thing,
like, really played out,

791
00:34:34.333 --> 00:34:35.966
like, a really
well-written script.

792
00:34:35.966 --> 00:34:38.133
I won the Tour de France,

793
00:34:38.133 --> 00:34:40.734
and I did it with nothing
but my own blood,

794
00:34:40.734 --> 00:34:43.267
sweat, and tears,
and extra blood!

795
00:34:43.267 --> 00:34:45.333
(man speaks)
Oh shit.

796
00:34:45.333 --> 00:34:47.767
♪ ♪
Hass:
It was a tough day.

797
00:34:47.767 --> 00:34:49.734
Lost the race,
lost my girl,

798
00:34:49.734 --> 00:34:52.233
and I haven't seen
Adrian since.

799
00:34:52.233 --> 00:34:56.267
No, I never, uh...
I never did see Marty again.

800
00:34:56.267 --> 00:34:59.600
Um, my crashing into Rex

801
00:34:59.600 --> 00:35:02.200
was considered manslaughter,

802
00:35:02.200 --> 00:35:04.333
since he died, you know?

803
00:35:04.333 --> 00:35:09.233
And for this, I received...
35 years in prison,

804
00:35:09.233 --> 00:35:12.000
so... (chuckles)

805
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:14.500
It was worth it...
(door closes)

806
00:35:14.500 --> 00:35:17.533
...because I did
what I set out to do.

807
00:35:17.533 --> 00:35:22.734
I proved that a woman
can cheat at cycling
as well as any man.

808
00:35:23.767 --> 00:35:25.767
(distorted voice)
♪ ♪

809
00:35:50.500 --> 00:35:53.100
That's something
for people
to think about

810
00:35:53.100 --> 00:35:55.933
from this
anonymous guy.

811
00:35:55.933 --> 00:35:58.433
(rock music playing)

812
00:36:19.166 --> 00:36:21.467
My parents bought me
the bike out of van,

813
00:36:21.467 --> 00:36:23.100
but they didn't know
the bike was stolen.

814
00:36:23.100 --> 00:36:25.333
And then one day,
I'm just riding
to school,

815
00:36:25.333 --> 00:36:27.567
and then I'm getting
the living shit

816
00:36:27.567 --> 00:36:29.233
beat out of me.
(boxing bell dings)

817
00:36:29.233 --> 00:36:30.600
And that's what
it's like in Africa.

818
00:36:30.600 --> 00:36:34.233
Like, sometimes
they'll run out
of Nerds candy.

819
00:36:34.233 --> 00:36:36.966
Have you ever
had that? I was like,
"Where's my Nerds?

820
00:36:36.966 --> 00:36:40.300
Where's my Nerds?"
Honeycut: A Nerds shortage
in Africa?

821
00:36:40.300 --> 00:36:42.233
Right.
Yeah, because
they gotta ship 'em in,

822
00:36:42.233 --> 00:36:43.433
and I'm like, "Dad!

823
00:36:45.200 --> 00:36:46.500
Where's my Nerds?"

824
00:36:46.500 --> 00:36:48.333
I'm not a milkman.
I'm a cyclist.

825
00:36:48.333 --> 00:36:50.333
You're not taking this bike!
You tell Slim's uncle

826
00:36:50.333 --> 00:36:51.767
Slim is back
on the Tour!

827
00:36:51.767 --> 00:36:53.000
Fabienne:
Who is that?

828
00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:54.734
Jackie
fucking Robinson!
(bottles clinking)

829
00:36:54.734 --> 00:36:56.233
Big news
at the Tour de France,

830
00:36:56.233 --> 00:36:58.467
a fight has broken out,
and not surprisingly,

831
00:36:58.467 --> 00:37:01.467
Austrian muscle freak
Gustav Ditters is
in the center of it.

832
00:37:01.467 --> 00:37:04.333
Here we have
some footage of him
grabbing Jabin Dolchey.

833
00:37:04.333 --> 00:37:05.867
He used Jabin's
flailing legs

834
00:37:05.867 --> 00:37:07.933
to kick other riders
in the face.

835
00:37:07.933 --> 00:37:11.567
Stupendous.
I'm Mick Porterhouse and--
(sniffs hard) Woo!

836
00:37:11.567 --> 00:37:14.767
Oh no! My legs
are getting all shaky, man!

837
00:37:14.767 --> 00:37:17.000
Hey, hey, hey.
Slow down, man.
He can't take that.

838
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:20.200
Take it easy on him!
I think I'm gonna evacuate
my bowels!

839
00:37:20.200 --> 00:37:23.267
Just go with it, Marty!
Ride the wave!
That is not helping, Slim!

840
00:37:23.267 --> 00:37:24.867
Call my dad!
Basta!

841
00:37:24.867 --> 00:37:26.867
Call my dad, man!
Call his-a papa!

842
00:37:26.867 --> 00:37:28.200
(shouts in French)

843
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:29.734
After that...

844
00:37:29.734 --> 00:37:32.267
I rocked a trifecta,
and I passed out.

845
00:37:32.267 --> 00:37:34.567
Man: Oh, cool, yeah.
(continues speaking)

846
00:37:34.567 --> 00:37:38.300
Oh, that's when you, um,
puke and shit and jizz
at the same time.

847
00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:39.966
(man speaks)

848
00:37:41.500 --> 00:37:43.333
What's a basketball player
look like?

849
00:37:43.333 --> 00:37:44.933
We don't have that
in Napa.

850
00:37:46.033 --> 00:37:48.467
That's a basketball player?

851
00:37:48.467 --> 00:37:49.867
Jesus!

852
00:37:49.867 --> 00:37:53.033
That makes me even hornier
than the picture of a cyclist.

853
00:37:53.033 --> 00:37:54.433
(man speaks)

854
00:37:56.033 --> 00:37:59.333
Oh my shit, he is fine!

855
00:37:59.333 --> 00:38:02.000
What the fuck
is in his shorts?

856
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:03.800
That was just
a shocking moment
of television.

857
00:38:03.800 --> 00:38:05.800
It was ferocious
and full of electricity.

858
00:38:05.800 --> 00:38:08.533
It was... felicity.

859
00:38:08.533 --> 00:38:10.233
(distorted voice)

860
00:38:10.233 --> 00:38:11.900
(man speaks)

861
00:38:21.033 --> 00:38:22.367
When you put
a crazy person

862
00:38:22.367 --> 00:38:24.133
in charge
of the Tour de France,

863
00:38:24.133 --> 00:38:25.933
crazy things will happen.

864
00:38:25.933 --> 00:38:29.166
That was Ditmer Perten.
Was that "Perten"?

865
00:38:29.166 --> 00:38:30.600
That was Ditman Kirkman.

866
00:38:30.600 --> 00:38:33.066
That was Ditmar Perper.
(sighs)

867
00:38:33.066 --> 00:38:35.600
I mean, how the fuck
do you say this guy's name?
What was his name again?

868
00:38:35.600 --> 00:38:38.000
That was Ditman Klerker.
That was Ditman Klerken.

869
00:38:38.000 --> 00:38:40.433
That was Ditmar Klerken.
Ditmen Klirken.

870
00:38:40.433 --> 00:38:43.000
Ditman Klerker-- Klerken.
Ditmen Klerken.

871
00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:45.634
Ditman Klerker.
Ditmen Klerken.
Did I get it?

872
00:38:45.634 --> 00:38:47.734
Ditmen Klerken.
Ditmen Klerken.

873
00:38:47.734 --> 00:38:50.500
That's his name, okay.
But he was crazy, though.

874
00:38:50.500 --> 00:38:53.600
♪ ♪

875
00:38:54.767 --> 00:38:57.467
Well, Tour's over.
(scoffs)

876
00:38:57.467 --> 00:38:59.600
Time to go kill myself.
(chuckles)

877
00:39:01.834 --> 00:39:04.166
♪ ♪