1 00:00:00,715 --> 00:00:03,298 (car rumbling) 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:07,813 --> 00:00:10,396 (lawnmower rumbling) 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,546 - I feel like she was a like really big part of, like, 6 00:00:12,570 --> 00:00:15,170 like an expression. Like it was like a... 7 00:00:16,074 --> 00:00:18,916 When my mom would clean, like she would 8 00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:21,396 listen to everything, like, uh what is it? 9 00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:24,966 Bryan Adams, Def Leppard, Van Halen, like the whole nine. 10 00:00:24,990 --> 00:00:29,270 But it was like, uh Carol King was the first one on. 11 00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:30,444 And so it was like a... 12 00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:34,526 I don't know, it was like the perfect start. 13 00:00:34,550 --> 00:00:37,546 'Cause all the songs, like they're about love 14 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:38,676 but empowerment at the same time. 15 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,116 They're about like, 16 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,732 missing someone and she knows that she 17 00:00:42,756 --> 00:00:45,156 can do good without them but she just wishes that 18 00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:46,385 they were there. 19 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:48,026 So it's where you're showing your femininity but your 20 00:00:48,050 --> 00:00:49,236 strength at the same time. 21 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,220 It's such, I get chills. Like I... 22 00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:55,236 It's such a, it's good. 23 00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:57,646 She's just amazing. 24 00:00:57,670 --> 00:01:00,766 Just like she's doing what she has to do, she's letting you 25 00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:02,966 know like she loves you, but fuck you. 26 00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:04,833 I gotta, I gotta do me. 27 00:01:07,071 --> 00:01:08,049 I'm gonna miss you though. 28 00:01:08,073 --> 00:01:09,073 I love that. 29 00:01:10,596 --> 00:01:13,846 It's the one thing about being a woman that like, that's 30 00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:14,717 how I knew. 31 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:18,956 There was no way, like as much as of a bitch as I am, 32 00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:22,496 the amount of compassion I can hold for someone. 33 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,856 Like not that men can't hold compassion, it's just not a 34 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:29,348 natural instinct and my natural instinct is to feel, 35 00:01:29,372 --> 00:01:30,182 is to be that way. 36 00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:34,523 I hate to let people know that but that's just me. 37 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:39,174 And that's what this is, teaching you about being 38 00:01:39,198 --> 00:01:41,683 compassionate and being strong at the same time. 39 00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:45,523 While doing so, that's beautiful. 40 00:01:53,934 --> 00:01:56,767 (traffic humming) 41 00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:14,660 - You can lie down. 42 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,443 Hi. All right. 43 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,666 Lie down. Lie down. 44 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:24,343 Good boy. Relax. 45 00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:28,773 (grunts) All right. 46 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:30,880 Just stay. 47 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,076 I was going to sell it because I started to get pissed off 48 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,438 that every time something broke 49 00:02:36,462 --> 00:02:39,276 I brought it to them to fix it 50 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,918 but 'cause I don't want to do that. 51 00:02:42,942 --> 00:02:45,423 I want to be able to fix it myself but I don't know how to. 52 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,523 I don't think that I was supposed to take that out. 53 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:58,976 Fuck! 54 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,506 This one looks clogged! 55 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,786 My dad had the same moped though. 56 00:03:03,810 --> 00:03:07,286 When my mom was like 15 her boyfriend broke up with her 57 00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:12,016 and my dad was in love with her 58 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:13,936 and so he made her a chocolate cake 59 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,160 and rode it over on his moped with one hand. 60 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:21,260 If it starts that's gonna be really fun. 61 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,503 Okay. No, it's not that. 62 00:03:27,038 --> 00:03:29,266 So it's another fuckin' thing. 63 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,356 Plink's sad 'cause he wanted to put on his goggles and get 64 00:03:31,380 --> 00:03:32,380 in the sidecar. 65 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:38,282 (grunts) Okay. 66 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:43,106 When I was probably like, I must have 67 00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:45,019 been like seven. 68 00:03:45,043 --> 00:03:48,886 And I really wanted short hair so I went and I cut the sides 69 00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:52,096 of my hair, just like really really really really short 70 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,866 with scissors and I knew immediately, I was like uh oh. 71 00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:57,196 Shouldn't have done that. 72 00:03:57,220 --> 00:04:00,596 And so my mom was like "What happened?" 73 00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,756 so I made up a crazy story, well actually it's really funny. 74 00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,608 I was young so, I actually must have been younger. 75 00:04:06,632 --> 00:04:08,496 We'll go with seven. 76 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,306 I told her "Oh, I must have cancer." 77 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,206 'Cause I knew when you have cancer you lose your hair 78 00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:16,076 so I wanted her to not know that I was the one who tried 79 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,846 to have like a boys hair cut so I told her, 80 00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:22,496 like in my head I was like, "Oh, I'll pretend my hair's 81 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,670 falling, like my hair will be falling out." 82 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,446 She was like, "You don't have cancer. 83 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:30,426 That's not how that works. 84 00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:31,600 You cut your own hair." 85 00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:36,944 - I feel like there's so many Yaya stories 86 00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:39,366 of our childhood. 87 00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,730 Once we're together... 88 00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:45,010 We can't stop. 89 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:49,100 (swelling music) 90 00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:53,646 I met her she just turned two, so I was three. 91 00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:54,986 I was I think just with my dad. 92 00:04:55,010 --> 00:04:56,416 We were in the backyard 93 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,526 and then there was like a little chain 94 00:04:57,550 --> 00:05:01,626 fence and she was on the other side with her Uncle Timmy. 95 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:04,806 And I just remember coming up to the fence and I don't even 96 00:05:04,830 --> 00:05:07,616 think we talked. I just remember like, staring. 97 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,526 And then we just were like, all right let's play. 98 00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,286 And we just played every day. 99 00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:15,036 The first time she comes over to my house, she came in, 100 00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:17,956 my mom was like "It's like she knew exactly where to go," 101 00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:21,266 goes into my mom's closet, puts on my mom's high heels 102 00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:24,586 and just comes out tromping around in her high heels 103 00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:25,420 the first time we met. 104 00:05:25,444 --> 00:05:27,581 And I was like, "All right, I guess this is how 105 00:05:27,605 --> 00:05:28,957 this is going." 106 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,936 We would play house, but it was great 'cause like she 107 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,376 would be the mom, I'd be the dad. 108 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,259 We had no problems. It was just like, you know... 109 00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:40,786 living out our little freak lives. 110 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:41,813 Kids. Great. 111 00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:47,676 - There was these boys up the street. 112 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,356 Collins kids. 113 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,566 And you know, they always like picked fights. 114 00:05:51,590 --> 00:05:52,467 They were bad. 115 00:05:52,491 --> 00:05:55,836 And I would beat them up 'cause I just didn't care 116 00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:56,747 and I could. 117 00:05:56,771 --> 00:06:01,770 But this one day I was in the house by myself and I had 118 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,916 lipstick on and a sheet wrapped around me, like playing. 119 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,536 The one kid Matt Collins could see me 120 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,766 putting on the lipstick and he started laughing 121 00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:12,916 and called me a faggot. 122 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,556 My dad had a gun cabinet. 123 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,806 He could see in the window that the gun was there and I 124 00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:20,786 went like this... That's all I did. 125 00:06:20,810 --> 00:06:23,436 My Uncle Jackie was standing in Jack's backyard 126 00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:26,344 watching me and told my mother. 127 00:06:26,368 --> 00:06:27,576 And that was the only time she hit me. 128 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,853 Like, she took my head and slammed it into my closet door. 129 00:06:32,410 --> 00:06:37,180 My fantasy was to be long-haired stupid gown... 130 00:06:38,470 --> 00:06:39,736 I just wanted that. 131 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,743 I knew then that's what it was. 132 00:06:44,688 --> 00:06:47,771 (people chattering) 133 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,765 - Jack, I'm trying to get you in the camera and 134 00:06:52,789 --> 00:06:54,456 you're running away. 135 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,288 All you need is makeup. 136 00:07:02,613 --> 00:07:03,846 - I don't know. 137 00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:06,586 Maybe in my head they didn't say you can't have short hair 138 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:08,496 but I just thought I couldn't. 139 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,406 They also like, got me everything I asked for for Christmas 140 00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:17,430 of football stuff, and they knew I wanted to do karate. 141 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,396 I don't know they didn't stop me from doing 142 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,623 other gendered things. 143 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,210 - You gotta practice your kicks. 144 00:07:28,224 --> 00:07:29,499 - Ooh! I wanna play with Daddy with this. 145 00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:30,923 I'll hit him over his head with it. 146 00:07:31,310 --> 00:07:32,956 - I didn't really know that I wanted to be a boy. 147 00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:36,820 I knew that like, I wanted to be married to a woman... 148 00:07:37,970 --> 00:07:41,576 and then I remember thinking, "This is wrong and I need 149 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,906 to fix this." Even then. 150 00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,046 I was like, "This is not okay. I need to change this. 151 00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:49,546 This is gonna be problems for me." 152 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:54,570 I asked my grandmother one day when Rosie O'Donnell came 153 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:56,466 out as gay. 154 00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:57,596 So whatever year that was. 155 00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,176 I said... 156 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,600 She used to watch the Rosie O'Donnell Show a lot 157 00:08:02,939 --> 00:08:05,866 and she liked her and when she came out as gay 158 00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:10,135 I remember sitting on the porch with my grandmother. 159 00:08:10,159 --> 00:08:12,077 I was reading the newspaper. 160 00:08:12,101 --> 00:08:14,236 I don't know whenever Rosie came out. 161 00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,686 '97 or something like that? Maybe before then. 162 00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:22,710 And I was like, "I'm gonna ask my grandmother how she feels 163 00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:28,046 about this to see like, if she'll love me still. 164 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,116 For anything." 165 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:33,196 And I was like, "Oh so how do you feel 166 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:35,086 about Rosie O'Donnell being gay?" 167 00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:37,383 And my grandmother just looks at me and is like, 168 00:08:37,407 --> 00:08:38,846 "I don't care. 169 00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:40,786 I think like whoever she wants to love she can love." 170 00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:44,736 And then I remember saying, this is actually really funny. 171 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,340 I was like, "I don't get... 172 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:49,736 Why does Rosie O'Donnell then, 173 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,806 think Tom Cruise is a cutie patootie?" 174 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:54,533 Remember she always used to say that? 175 00:08:54,557 --> 00:08:58,286 "How can she think he's cute if she likes women?" 176 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,253 And my grandmother just being like, 177 00:09:00,277 --> 00:09:04,787 "Oh well the world doesn't want you to see that." 178 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:07,157 And I was like, "Oh." 179 00:09:08,021 --> 00:09:09,136 She was like, "So she hides it. 180 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,131 And so she says that he's this so that other people will 181 00:09:12,155 --> 00:09:14,207 will like her still." 182 00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:18,674 And I was like, "Oh this is gonna be a hard... 183 00:09:18,698 --> 00:09:20,615 This is gonna be hard." 184 00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:37,220 - I'm going home to see my family and that includes Yaya 185 00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,466 and we get to all hang out and spend Fourth of July together 186 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:44,076 and hopefully do some family time, lots of cooking. 187 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,476 Lots of partying. 188 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,677 More partying than cooking. (laughing) 189 00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:51,703 Plinko's really excited 'cause he knows where we're going. 190 00:09:51,727 --> 00:09:53,084 Plinko! Plinko! 191 00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:55,163 We're going to see your grandpa and Yaya! 192 00:09:55,187 --> 00:09:57,666 (Plinko excitedly cries) Say "Yaya!" 193 00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:59,443 - I'm gonna stay with my Dad. 194 00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:02,486 My Dad and his girlfriend Pam. 195 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:05,446 And yea, it's the house I grew up in and it's 196 00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,286 next door to Yaya. 197 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:12,310 So she is hopefully off some days so we can spend some time 198 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,336 together and recently trying to change her name. 199 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,146 Trying to help her out with going through that process 200 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,696 because it's been easier for me, 201 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,116 here in Massachusetts, than her. 202 00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:27,496 And she has a lot going on in her life and I know that will 203 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,567 really help her out because every time I go home if we go 204 00:10:30,591 --> 00:10:34,306 shopping or something and she uses her card I know she feels 205 00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,686 anxious 'cause it still says Christopher and if anyone 206 00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:38,076 asks she says, "Oh it's my boyfriend. 207 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,726 Let me take the card out." 208 00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:44,167 And I just think it's time to like, to have her feel better. 209 00:10:45,391 --> 00:10:48,808 (chill, nostalgic music) 210 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,626 - Look at you, you handsome man! 211 00:11:06,650 --> 00:11:07,460 Oh my god! 212 00:11:07,484 --> 00:11:09,527 - I love that you have the Tony strut. 213 00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:11,964 - Ow! I was in the pool. 214 00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:12,917 You're manly. 215 00:11:12,941 --> 00:11:15,228 You don't have to smack me like a man. 216 00:11:15,252 --> 00:11:18,160 Hi! How was your drive? 217 00:11:26,029 --> 00:11:28,196 - Tony! - What's dripping? 218 00:11:29,364 --> 00:11:31,935 - The air conditioning. What's up bud? 219 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,193 - Smells like weed in here. 220 00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:35,028 - When doesn't it? 221 00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:36,532 - Oh Mitch is here and Eddie's there. 222 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,670 Of course it will smell. 223 00:11:38,694 --> 00:11:40,694 - Hi. - Good to see you. 224 00:11:41,737 --> 00:11:44,487 - You should have been first you pregnant little bitch. 225 00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:48,659 (chill music) 226 00:11:54,316 --> 00:11:57,399 (people chattering) 227 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:41,946 (birds chirping) 228 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:54,406 - My parents, they were living in an apartment and then 229 00:12:54,430 --> 00:12:56,936 they decided that they wanted to buy a house. 230 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,380 So they borrowed money from my grandfather 231 00:13:00,732 --> 00:13:05,016 and they bought this house and on the, 232 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,936 I think the day we moved in my Dad took me outside 233 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,656 to look at the backyard and next door there was a 234 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,156 different fence but I remember you were with Uncle Timmy. 235 00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:18,788 - Basically to me, in a weird, weird way, Jack had the 236 00:13:18,812 --> 00:13:23,765 longer dark hair, resembled Tony, which had the Uncle Jessie 237 00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:26,376 brown curly mullet, you know, and the tan. 238 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,826 - Back in the '80s. - And the blue eyes, you know. 239 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,256 And Jack had that but Jack was my age so he had 240 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,056 this like brave, fearless personality. 241 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,366 Like he wasn't scared of anything and he kinda 242 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:41,503 just did stuff. 243 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:45,706 - Yaya, she was so much fun to play with. 244 00:13:45,730 --> 00:13:47,276 To be honest, I think the reason why 245 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,296 we were such good friends when we were younger 246 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:53,993 is because of who we actually are today. 247 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:59,850 I think that like, being younger and not having the words 248 00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:06,260 for how we felt inside I think we just acted it out 249 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,063 by playing house. 250 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:14,046 - When we were kids Jack and I would trade toys. 251 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:17,286 There's actually a home video of Jack getting a Barbie 252 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,860 mannequin head going, "Christopher will love this!" 253 00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:23,263 - (gasp) A Barbie style head! 254 00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:28,166 - Christopher will wanna play with that! 255 00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,936 - Like, Santa left it at the wrong house. 256 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,843 I really was like, "Oh, what a mistake..." 257 00:14:33,887 --> 00:14:36,620 - Do you like what your sister got you? 258 00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:39,046 - Yea. Thanks Trace! 259 00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:43,096 - I think we both were wise and broad for our own age 260 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,846 if that makes any weird sense. 261 00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,966 Because thinking about it now there were things that we 262 00:14:46,990 --> 00:14:48,846 shouldn't have known and things we shouldn't have done and 263 00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:51,256 things we shouldn't have thought about but we did and we had 264 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,658 these feelings as if our souls were old 265 00:14:53,682 --> 00:14:56,006 and knew each other and had met again. 266 00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:56,857 - That's true. 267 00:14:56,881 --> 00:14:59,076 - And it took and it us to turn around and go, 268 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,246 actually it took him to say, well, you're gay and... 269 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:04,546 - No I said, "I'm gay and you are too." 270 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,606 - No, you said, "You're gay and so am I." 271 00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:08,706 Basically like you came out afterwards. 272 00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:11,516 You like made sure that I was first, to then say 273 00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,498 that you were. To see my reaction. 274 00:15:13,522 --> 00:15:15,316 - We were sitting in my car and I thought I had figured out 275 00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:16,676 what was wrong with us. 276 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,106 I was like, I, I got it! 277 00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:23,073 I know why we're such freaks. (chuckles) 278 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,333 - I knew it would work out. 279 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:34,522 I don't know how I knew but I knew. (laughs) 280 00:15:34,546 --> 00:15:36,639 Well, I guess I didn't have a choice but yeah I knew it 281 00:15:36,663 --> 00:15:37,663 was the right thing. 282 00:15:38,509 --> 00:15:40,183 Even though I knew I was too young. 283 00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:42,456 You know, 18 years old all my friends were going to the 284 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,983 prom and I was pregnant. 285 00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:47,160 Going on the senior trip... 286 00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:52,273 but I didn't care. I missed it, oh well. (laughs) 287 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,993 Tony and I had a conversation, something like, 288 00:15:56,017 --> 00:15:58,733 "Oh, what do you think? Our oldest is gay. 289 00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:04,343 Like, almost as a challenge to see what I thought. 290 00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:09,525 - She's getting married too. 291 00:16:09,549 --> 00:16:13,299 She's part of it, right? Thank you everybody. 292 00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:17,516 - She didn't wear it very long. 293 00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,266 - I came out to my mom first. 294 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,533 It didn't go so great. 295 00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,596 My mom said, it's rough, 296 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,796 and I knew she probably feels embarrassed. 297 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:28,686 She said, "I've never been more disappointed in you." 298 00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:30,836 So, that wasn't good. 299 00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,226 That was not a good response. 300 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:34,586 But I already was like, if she doesn't like it, 301 00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,966 I'm running away, you know? 302 00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:40,296 And my mom just takes a long time to come around. 303 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,653 But then when she's around, she's good. 304 00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:46,156 I didn't think my Dad was closed-minded. 305 00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,166 I don't know why I was scared to tell him. 306 00:16:48,190 --> 00:16:53,190 But, I come home from a fight with my first girlfriend, 307 00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:55,237 Lindsey. 308 00:16:55,261 --> 00:16:58,386 I see my Dad in his tighty whities in the hallway just 309 00:16:58,410 --> 00:17:00,516 coming into the living room. He's like, "Jack! 310 00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,706 What are you do " No, " What the fuck are you doing, 311 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:03,806 why are you home so late?" 312 00:17:03,830 --> 00:17:06,046 And then at first he was mad at me 313 00:17:06,070 --> 00:17:07,176 and then when he saw my face 314 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,946 he had seen I was crying I guess. 315 00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:10,189 And he's like, "Are you okay? 316 00:17:10,213 --> 00:17:11,886 Are you in trouble with the law?" 317 00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:13,176 And I was like, "No." 318 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,983 And then the next thing he said was, 319 00:17:15,007 --> 00:17:17,226 "Are you and Lindsey fighting?" 320 00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:22,250 And so I knew he knew the, you know, dynamics of our 321 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,456 relationship and then I'm hugging him 322 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,499 and he's just like, "What's up?" 323 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:30,046 And I'm like, "Well Dad, me and Lindsey aren't just 324 00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:33,536 friends," and he goes, "Oh baby, I knew that. 325 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,256 You didn't have to tell me." 326 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,836 He was like, "Well, let me make you some tea." 327 00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:41,446 So like at two in the morning on a Wednesday, 328 00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,953 we're just like sitting in the kitchen having tea. 329 00:17:45,393 --> 00:17:50,393 (belly flop splash) (Tony laughs) 330 00:17:58,991 --> 00:18:01,158 (giggles) 331 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,350 - This club is great. 332 00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:09,796 The shit that used to happen was nuts! 333 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,276 I don't know the guys were always just fun. 334 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,443 Like we would do, it was like fun. 335 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,690 Well I think it was a bunch of young kids back in the day. 336 00:18:22,714 --> 00:18:24,696 They drove down the woods... 337 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,046 This place has been here since '49. 338 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:30,486 For me, when there's kids here, like family picnic, 339 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,456 I don't even pay attention to the adults anymore. 340 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,016 I'm all into kids having fun, jumping into the lake. 341 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,466 I want them to experience the club. 342 00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:40,431 I think our main goal is "To have fun." 343 00:18:40,455 --> 00:18:43,366 Right here, my Dad's brother, Uncle Howard, who's 344 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,376 on my dresser. 345 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:45,666 They said he had a heart attack 346 00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:49,753 but I think he died of AIDS and nobody really told us. 347 00:18:49,777 --> 00:18:52,646 "Gay" was always in our family. 348 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:54,406 So I've never had an issue with it. 349 00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:57,359 I've grown up with my uncle he's, best motherfucker you 350 00:18:57,383 --> 00:18:58,766 ever wanna meet. 351 00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:02,516 But as far as "transgender," that didn't come 352 00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,826 for a while later. 353 00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,556 The one thing as a parent that I've 354 00:19:05,580 --> 00:19:07,893 always thought was, "Never judge your kids." 355 00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:11,909 Whatever they do, as long as they don't effin' kill somebody 356 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:15,343 or rob somebody or hurt somebody, then they're fine. 357 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,330 Same body, same head... 358 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,933 Same person I know. 359 00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,596 Jack can say, "Dad, I'm sorry I'm a transgender alien 360 00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:30,976 from fuckin' Egypt, " and I'll go, " Where? 361 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,327 Egypt? It's a little hot there isn't it?" 362 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:39,236 And we'll be okay. I love my kids. 363 00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,276 - I didn't know you had a doctorate. 364 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,376 - Doctorate? What's a doctorate? 365 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,434 - To be a behavioralist!? 366 00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:46,746 - Behavioralist? What's a behavioralist!? 367 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:47,770 - Exactly. 368 00:19:49,070 --> 00:19:50,869 - I done raised two kids. 369 00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:52,276 - Barely. 370 00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,323 Fucked up. (Jack laughs) 371 00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:00,386 - I've never steered you the wrong way. 372 00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:03,260 If you ever think I did, you let me know. 373 00:20:04,151 --> 00:20:06,671 - I'll get a pen and paper. 374 00:20:06,695 --> 00:20:08,066 - Pam, get a pen and paper! 375 00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:10,453 - I'd rather type it. 376 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,477 - Type it! 377 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,436 - He's way more comfortable in himself. 378 00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:19,130 He doesn't give a shit who's around and says, "That's bad." 379 00:20:19,154 --> 00:20:21,226 He's Jack! 380 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:24,456 He's my son I always wanted and had. 381 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,803 Look at him! Beautiful person. Yea. 382 00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:33,670 Cut! 383 00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,980 (birds chirping) 384 00:20:41,290 --> 00:20:43,156 - And during the week it was just basically like, 385 00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:45,386 do your homework, weekends were- 386 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,406 - Party. 387 00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:47,866 - We're gonna have a party. We're gonna- 388 00:20:47,890 --> 00:20:49,210 - You stay out of our hair. - Yea. 389 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,643 - Younger - Look! A porno movie. 390 00:20:54,650 --> 00:20:57,116 Why don't get to bed so you ain't late for work again, man. 391 00:20:57,140 --> 00:21:00,496 You can't lose this job! 392 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,663 - First you grab the hat, then you twist the hat, 393 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:08,571 then you turn the hat, then you slam the hat. 394 00:21:08,595 --> 00:21:09,712 - Then you drink a Budweiser! 395 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:12,743 - Then you make sure it's a starter hat. (Tony laughs) 396 00:21:14,814 --> 00:21:16,024 - Don't do that! 397 00:21:16,048 --> 00:21:18,406 We're gonna get dizzy when we watch this! 398 00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:20,946 - We partied with them. And then they would get mad at us. 399 00:21:20,970 --> 00:21:22,763 And it was bedtime after that. 400 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:25,960 - What time is it? 401 00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:27,943 - 10:00. 402 00:21:29,168 --> 00:21:31,719 - Why don't you go to bed? 403 00:21:31,743 --> 00:21:33,842 - Where are you going? 404 00:21:33,866 --> 00:21:34,866 - Who? 405 00:21:49,150 --> 00:21:51,376 - It was like a mirrored image. 406 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,176 Jo Ann was like set on making a career 407 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,010 and a thing for herself 408 00:21:55,034 --> 00:21:56,766 and Tony got up every day and worked for a township and 409 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,056 had great benefits. 410 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,526 On my side, my Dad was barely making nine dollars an hour 411 00:22:02,550 --> 00:22:04,916 and my mom, she was on her way 412 00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:06,256 to get her own cleaning business 413 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,506 for a short amount of time before she had her nervous 414 00:22:09,530 --> 00:22:11,286 breakdown after having my youngest 415 00:22:11,310 --> 00:22:14,846 sibling and like, lost herself. 416 00:22:14,870 --> 00:22:18,053 So, here you had this like, sense of stability and over here 417 00:22:18,077 --> 00:22:19,743 it was like, chaotic. 418 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,743 - It didn't necessarily provide us with the, 419 00:22:27,767 --> 00:22:30,833 "You're going to be set later on in life" type of deal. 420 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,405 - Well I always thought she was gonna be a girl. 421 00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:47,429 I was really surprised that she was born a boy because I had 422 00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:49,973 nothing but feelings she was a girl. 423 00:22:51,157 --> 00:22:53,626 We go back I have a lot of gay people in my family. 424 00:22:53,650 --> 00:22:56,006 My grandmother didn't say they were gay, she would 425 00:22:56,030 --> 00:22:57,176 say they're funny. 426 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,253 Chris used to get beat up in school, he did for being gay. 427 00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:07,940 And I said to him "Well, I can't believe that you 428 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:09,360 don't believe it. 429 00:23:10,210 --> 00:23:12,460 You should have known this was gonna happen." 430 00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:14,849 I said, "Don't sit there and take any shit. 431 00:23:14,873 --> 00:23:16,496 I don't care what you have to do. 432 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,420 You don't take any shit from anybody." 433 00:23:19,410 --> 00:23:24,410 It's hard to understand to some people and I really like, 434 00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:27,963 if you have a hard time, then put yourself in that place. 435 00:23:28,930 --> 00:23:30,040 You know, just... 436 00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:33,036 Just for an hour. 437 00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:35,880 My brothers and sisters were... 438 00:23:37,121 --> 00:23:39,456 (smacks lips) Didn't know how to act. 439 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,936 Around me. 440 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,776 Because they know that if they said something wrong I'd be 441 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:44,950 on them like... 442 00:23:47,090 --> 00:23:48,416 A screaming eagle. 443 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,116 They don't wanna talk about it in front of me. 444 00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:56,140 Because we were raised very strict Catholics and um, 445 00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:59,153 I had a hard time accepting it. 446 00:23:59,177 --> 00:24:01,696 And I worry still today. 447 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,287 You know, uh, "Where's he gonna go when he dies?" 448 00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:06,493 Bothers me a lot. 449 00:24:07,340 --> 00:24:09,486 I don't see anything wrong with it first of all, 450 00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:10,656 I'm not God. 451 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,186 You know? 452 00:24:12,210 --> 00:24:14,056 I don't know what He has in mind 453 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:14,967 and I don't believe He's gonna 454 00:24:14,991 --> 00:24:19,990 throw somebody in hell for uh, doing what comes natural. 455 00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:23,136 I couldn't ask for better kids. 456 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,306 They go out of their way to do anything for anybody. 457 00:24:26,330 --> 00:24:29,873 I think the hardest part is over now. 458 00:24:29,897 --> 00:24:32,796 It was coming out and letting everybody know and not being 459 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:34,033 ashamed of who you are. 460 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:39,856 So I think it's gonna be smooth sailing from now on. 461 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,586 (clock continuously chimes) And Chris does not 462 00:24:43,610 --> 00:24:44,753 take any crap. 463 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,816 (crickets chirping) 464 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,430 - But it was just like, you know... 465 00:24:52,510 --> 00:24:54,766 drag was my outlet 466 00:24:54,790 --> 00:24:57,826 and that's when I first started practicing 467 00:24:57,850 --> 00:25:01,157 my makeup to get better and I realized that that was a thing 468 00:25:01,181 --> 00:25:02,696 I was like, "Oh this is what I am. 469 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:03,637 I'm a drag queen. 470 00:25:03,661 --> 00:25:07,206 This makes me happy and then I started like, Googling and 471 00:25:07,230 --> 00:25:08,766 looking up different performers 472 00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:11,152 who had their surgeries and I 473 00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,696 was just like, "Oh, so you can actually do that." 474 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,426 - I had a friend, he was like, "You gotta come 475 00:25:16,450 --> 00:25:19,196 to this drag show." And I was scared of drag queens. 476 00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:21,386 Literally, I was like, "I don't know that I would want 477 00:25:21,410 --> 00:25:22,936 to go to that." 478 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,143 So I went and then it became something where I was like, 479 00:25:26,167 --> 00:25:28,146 "Do you think, I wonder if I could do that." 480 00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:30,041 And then they were winning money 481 00:25:30,065 --> 00:25:31,406 and I was like, I could totally 482 00:25:31,430 --> 00:25:33,946 do three cartwheels into a split and win some money. 483 00:25:33,970 --> 00:25:38,841 So then I performed and I won, the first time I performed. 484 00:25:38,865 --> 00:25:41,186 Which in turn inspired Yaya. 485 00:25:41,210 --> 00:25:43,696 She was like, "I think I could do that too." 486 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,537 The very next Thursday, Yaya performed for the first 487 00:25:46,561 --> 00:25:49,993 time and did a Mariah Carey song and then, 488 00:25:50,017 --> 00:25:54,697 that's how Yaya was born but I was Sucha Dalight 489 00:25:54,721 --> 00:25:57,554 and then Yaya became Yaya Dalight. 490 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,096 - Everywhere I went, I was in drag. 491 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:15,656 If I went to the movies or the store 492 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:16,766 I had to go with makeup. 493 00:26:16,790 --> 00:26:19,196 I couldn't just go as a boy. 494 00:26:19,220 --> 00:26:21,496 Like, I couldn't just go as Chris. 495 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,863 She started doing the um, the dress up. 496 00:26:24,887 --> 00:26:26,986 The drag stuff. 497 00:26:27,010 --> 00:26:29,366 I thought it was, you know nice, 498 00:26:29,390 --> 00:26:30,990 and she really looked beautiful. 499 00:26:34,454 --> 00:26:38,816 But that was her way of being comfortable and I didn't know 500 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,076 how serious she was. 501 00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:41,365 I thought it was... 502 00:26:41,389 --> 00:26:42,247 'cause she won a lot of contests. 503 00:26:42,271 --> 00:26:44,970 You know? And um... 504 00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:49,446 That's what I thought it was and for the fun. 505 00:26:49,470 --> 00:26:51,973 - Then eventually she said to us, 506 00:26:51,997 --> 00:26:55,017 "I think I'm gonna start wearing makeup to work. 507 00:26:55,041 --> 00:26:57,306 And start testing the waters." 508 00:26:57,330 --> 00:26:59,396 And we were like, "What do you mean?" 509 00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:02,136 Like, "What do you need to do that for?" 510 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,476 Being her gay brother, I was supposed to get 511 00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:08,156 it right away, without any questions. 512 00:27:08,180 --> 00:27:09,180 But I didn't. 513 00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:13,496 John, had said to me, "Oh so you're gonna be a tranny 514 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:14,477 whore on the street?" 515 00:27:14,501 --> 00:27:16,716 and "You're gonna be one of those disgusting trannies." 516 00:27:16,740 --> 00:27:18,856 Because at the time, there was no education. 517 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:19,690 I remember getting choked up. 518 00:27:19,714 --> 00:27:22,036 I was like, "I can't believe you said that to me. 519 00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:24,596 I didn't expect you to act like that." 520 00:27:24,620 --> 00:27:29,136 - It's almost like, it's okay that she's trans, 521 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,106 it's okay that she's a she, 522 00:27:31,130 --> 00:27:35,106 but there was a Chris that we loved too. 523 00:27:35,130 --> 00:27:37,156 That we had to say goodbye to. 524 00:27:37,180 --> 00:27:40,246 As similar as the two people are, Chris had a different 525 00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:41,666 personality than Yaya. 526 00:27:41,690 --> 00:27:44,436 I used to dress Chris in my clothes as a boy. 527 00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:46,786 Like, when we would go out, like I would help Chris pick 528 00:27:46,810 --> 00:27:49,856 out outfits 'cause Chris was not really fashiony. 529 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,880 But then Yaya is the Mariah Carey of South Jersey. 530 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,736 The more everyone was just like, "Yes, Yaya! We love Yaya!" 531 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,886 the more I was like, "Okay cool." 532 00:28:00,910 --> 00:28:03,993 I can be on board because I know she's okay. 533 00:28:05,290 --> 00:28:07,326 There was definitely times where I went back 534 00:28:07,350 --> 00:28:10,586 and said "I'm sorry for not just going with the 535 00:28:10,610 --> 00:28:13,656 flow like you expected me to be able to," 536 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:14,903 'cause she deserves it. 537 00:28:15,928 --> 00:28:20,693 And we've never had real issues about it since then. 538 00:28:27,393 --> 00:28:29,167 Do you not want some? 539 00:28:29,191 --> 00:28:31,524 - No, I already put some on. 540 00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:39,366 - Hi! Is that Winnie the Pooh's ass? 541 00:28:39,390 --> 00:28:40,804 - Is it? 542 00:28:40,828 --> 00:28:41,928 - Oh he's honey-drunk. 543 00:28:43,750 --> 00:28:45,417 Muah. Okay let's go. 544 00:28:49,908 --> 00:28:52,825 (trunk slams shut) 545 00:29:01,451 --> 00:29:04,201 (water splashes) 546 00:29:19,367 --> 00:29:23,367 - Are you gonna wrap your fuckin' traps or what? 547 00:29:39,367 --> 00:29:41,200 - Yaya! It's a keeper! 548 00:29:47,068 --> 00:29:50,568 (Jack and Traci laughing) 549 00:29:53,026 --> 00:29:54,758 - If you can dangle the chicken over it 550 00:29:54,782 --> 00:29:57,376 it might grab the cigarette. 551 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,438 I would just die with a crab with a cigarette 552 00:30:00,462 --> 00:30:01,427 in its little claw. 553 00:30:01,451 --> 00:30:02,527 You wanna see? 554 00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:05,663 This is what we usually catch. 555 00:30:09,634 --> 00:30:12,697 - You finally got your own cooking show. 556 00:30:12,721 --> 00:30:16,172 - Oh, yes! - In your dream kitchen. 557 00:30:16,196 --> 00:30:18,740 - In my dream kitchen. 558 00:30:20,634 --> 00:30:23,913 (People yelling at Plinko in background) 559 00:30:23,937 --> 00:30:25,853 - Are those 25 count? 560 00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:29,589 - Yaya, come eat a little shrimp off my nipple! 561 00:30:29,613 --> 00:30:32,696 (people chattering) 562 00:30:36,380 --> 00:30:38,156 - My family's always called me Jack. 563 00:30:38,180 --> 00:30:40,826 Only my Dad would call me Jacqueline, when he was 564 00:30:40,850 --> 00:30:42,686 screaming my name in the neighborhood when I wasn't 565 00:30:42,710 --> 00:30:44,566 coming home on time. 566 00:30:44,590 --> 00:30:45,636 My grandmother's good now. 567 00:30:45,660 --> 00:30:47,736 She does have a problem with pronouns so she 568 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,046 just says "Jack". 569 00:30:49,070 --> 00:30:50,426 She has enough. 570 00:30:50,450 --> 00:30:55,346 My grandfather has Alzheimer's, so she just has enough. 571 00:30:55,370 --> 00:30:56,466 So I never feel bad with her. 572 00:30:56,490 --> 00:30:57,963 But I wrote her a letter just being like, 573 00:30:57,987 --> 00:30:59,126 "As long as you love 574 00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:02,626 me I don't care what pronouns you use." 575 00:31:02,650 --> 00:31:04,453 They're making a little movie! 576 00:31:06,077 --> 00:31:07,077 That's all. 577 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,317 - This is it, this is Pop's closet, you know, thank you. 578 00:31:14,387 --> 00:31:15,197 - [Pop] It's heavy. 579 00:31:15,221 --> 00:31:16,243 - It's very heavy. 580 00:31:18,111 --> 00:31:21,320 - When I die you can have it. 581 00:31:21,344 --> 00:31:22,154 - Thank you. 582 00:31:22,178 --> 00:31:25,736 - I was in the military and I got most of my tattoos 583 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,152 when I was in the military. 584 00:31:28,176 --> 00:31:31,035 This is a sign of the United States. 585 00:31:31,059 --> 00:31:35,356 Okay, the eagle represents the United States. 586 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:38,876 - My uncle Ed's ex-wife is underneath that deer. 587 00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:40,466 - He never thought-you don't get 588 00:31:40,490 --> 00:31:43,053 other than family on ya. Ever. 589 00:31:43,970 --> 00:31:46,256 - I love the "Dolores is my life" tattoo. 590 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:47,679 That's my favorite. 591 00:31:47,703 --> 00:31:48,716 - Well I like white roses. 592 00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:50,490 But he couldn't put white on there. 593 00:31:51,790 --> 00:31:53,453 That's my favorite white roses. 594 00:31:55,729 --> 00:31:57,881 - You got that tattoo the day I was born. 595 00:31:57,905 --> 00:31:58,715 - And when he came home the 596 00:31:58,739 --> 00:32:01,676 name was wrong, it wasn't J-A-C-Q-U-I-E, 597 00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,346 it was J-A-C-K-I-E. Jackie. 598 00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:05,370 Now it's right. 599 00:32:06,583 --> 00:32:07,993 - Yea. Pretty close. 600 00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:10,927 - Mm-hmm. - There you go. 601 00:32:10,951 --> 00:32:11,761 - Mm-hmm. 602 00:32:11,785 --> 00:32:15,289 He came home one night, drunk again and I was 603 00:32:15,313 --> 00:32:17,196 there with the kids, I was so angry. 604 00:32:17,220 --> 00:32:19,446 His jacket was hanging in a closet. 605 00:32:19,470 --> 00:32:23,616 And there was a gun in there and I just shot at the jacket. 606 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:24,904 Boom! 607 00:32:24,928 --> 00:32:26,386 And then he was trying to throw me out and they were crying, 608 00:32:26,410 --> 00:32:28,176 the kids were in their rooms. 609 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,316 And they're all twisted and I was crying and he was trying 610 00:32:30,340 --> 00:32:31,533 to throw me out. 611 00:32:31,557 --> 00:32:33,476 And that bullet was still in the house or something 612 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:34,969 in that closet. 613 00:32:34,993 --> 00:32:35,802 - Yea when you moved out. 614 00:32:35,826 --> 00:32:36,777 - I was babysitting. 615 00:32:36,801 --> 00:32:39,146 Jackie had swallowed a red marble and I still 616 00:32:39,170 --> 00:32:41,506 have that marble, it's brown now. 617 00:32:41,530 --> 00:32:45,506 And that's the marble that I almost twisted myself 'cause it 618 00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:48,006 went in that child's stomach. 619 00:32:48,030 --> 00:32:50,383 Jack was always the one, number one. 620 00:32:53,689 --> 00:32:55,439 See what they can fit in there. No. 621 00:32:57,140 --> 00:33:02,070 - Look at the date. - It says January 2016. 622 00:33:03,830 --> 00:33:07,016 - That doesn't seem like- - No! 623 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,386 I think that you already knew. 624 00:33:08,410 --> 00:33:09,526 I told you 'cause I felt like 625 00:33:09,550 --> 00:33:10,424 you were getting worked up going, 626 00:33:10,448 --> 00:33:11,966 "He, she, she, he, he, he, he." 627 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:15,198 I don't you to feel upset because I don't care. 628 00:33:15,222 --> 00:33:17,684 - I don't wanna upset you. - I'm not upset. 629 00:33:17,708 --> 00:33:21,204 - You know, I wanted to get it right. 630 00:33:21,228 --> 00:33:23,182 - I know. - That's all. 631 00:33:23,206 --> 00:33:27,286 Just right, I don't want to upset you. 632 00:33:27,310 --> 00:33:29,776 - You don't upset me. - Me either. 633 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,286 The reason why I love game shows is because of her. 634 00:33:32,310 --> 00:33:34,049 Okay. Pick your door. 635 00:33:34,073 --> 00:33:36,616 - I'm picking one. - I'm gonna go... 636 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,993 Then you're going this one? - I'm picking one. 637 00:33:40,017 --> 00:33:42,213 Well I wanna get on the one that comes up here! 638 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:44,527 - She picks this one. 639 00:33:44,551 --> 00:33:45,587 Oh! She won! 640 00:34:01,780 --> 00:34:06,004 - Coming out as gay was just so much easier for me 641 00:34:06,028 --> 00:34:07,806 than saying I was trans. 642 00:34:07,830 --> 00:34:12,776 When I was dating my ex, once the end of our 643 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:17,516 relationship was apparent, I took it really hard and I 644 00:34:17,540 --> 00:34:19,606 realized that part of why I took it so hard 645 00:34:19,630 --> 00:34:24,630 was that she was a straight woman and I didn't have to 646 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,926 you know, I didn't have to figure out my gender 647 00:34:31,950 --> 00:34:33,433 because in my head it was like, 648 00:34:33,457 --> 00:34:36,223 "I'm dating a straight woman, she sees me as this. 649 00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:38,767 Everything is fine." 650 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:44,376 And then once we broke up, I realized I don't want 651 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,646 to be somebody's girlfriend. 652 00:34:46,670 --> 00:34:51,670 I would Google the word, "transgender" and then clear 653 00:34:52,630 --> 00:34:53,946 my search history. 654 00:34:53,970 --> 00:34:57,186 Because that's how bad I knew it was. 655 00:34:57,210 --> 00:34:58,836 Even though Yaya was already trans. 656 00:34:58,860 --> 00:35:00,266 She was already out. 657 00:35:00,290 --> 00:35:03,036 I just still wasn't as brave as her. 658 00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:07,756 She just like, she might not think she went in full force 659 00:35:07,780 --> 00:35:09,433 but to me she did. 660 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,506 - The same year I won Ms. Philadelphia Gay Pride, 661 00:35:12,530 --> 00:35:15,156 it was 2009, I had my crown, 662 00:35:15,180 --> 00:35:19,526 I felt beautiful, I felt myself and in front 663 00:35:19,550 --> 00:35:23,366 of 40,000 people, I thought, "Today's the day. 664 00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:24,576 This is it." 665 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:28,136 I took my first hormone shot in the bathroom of a 666 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,136 restaurant at Pride. 667 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,806 Right as I started to really develop, my mom was 668 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:34,606 diagnosed with cancer. 669 00:35:34,630 --> 00:35:37,966 The doctors said, you know, "Basically you have six 670 00:35:37,990 --> 00:35:39,066 months to live." 671 00:35:39,090 --> 00:35:42,589 And so of course because I am my mother's daughter, and I'm 672 00:35:42,613 --> 00:35:45,216 literally a replica of her, 673 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,466 our birthdays are five days apart... 674 00:35:47,490 --> 00:35:51,326 I was stubborn and was like, "You know what? 675 00:35:51,350 --> 00:35:52,160 Screw this. 676 00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:56,586 I'm still going to do this because she's going to pass away 677 00:35:56,610 --> 00:35:58,016 and she never got to live the life 678 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,816 that she deserved or wanted and am I going to be her?" 679 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,536 Like in the very beginning, she would go, "I just wanna 680 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:05,507 see my son." 681 00:36:05,531 --> 00:36:07,626 I said, "I'm not your son. 682 00:36:07,650 --> 00:36:08,693 I'm your child. 683 00:36:09,580 --> 00:36:11,063 Am I not your child?" 684 00:36:11,087 --> 00:36:12,376 "Well, why don't you wait 'til I die?" 685 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:13,400 she would say. 686 00:36:14,700 --> 00:36:16,746 And I would get so mad 687 00:36:16,770 --> 00:36:19,426 because I didn't want to wait 'til she died. 688 00:36:19,450 --> 00:36:23,433 I didn't want to wait 'til she was gone to be myself. 689 00:36:23,457 --> 00:36:26,096 And she said, "I don't want no one to hurt you." 690 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,276 And I said, "What do you mean? No one's gonna hurt me, Mom. 691 00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:30,638 Do you not realize I can fight? 692 00:36:30,662 --> 00:36:32,494 Do you not realize who you raised?" 693 00:36:32,518 --> 00:36:35,906 And she would go, "I don't want no one to kill you." 694 00:36:35,930 --> 00:36:40,476 But she was so terrified that someone would hurt me that she 695 00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:44,936 would subject me to being miserable, yet alive. 696 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,892 This is who I am and I said to her, "You will accept it, 697 00:36:47,916 --> 00:36:51,787 or I will leave and I won't come back." 698 00:36:52,870 --> 00:36:56,466 And she accepted it, and I stayed. 699 00:36:56,490 --> 00:37:00,946 And I still went through with everything and I just did it. 700 00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:03,696 And it was terrifying, and it was hard, but I knew that 701 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:06,963 if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it later. 702 00:37:09,116 --> 00:37:11,783 (bird chirping) 703 00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:17,136 - On the checklist: steps to obtain a court order 704 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,863 to change your name in New Jersey. 705 00:37:19,860 --> 00:37:21,556 18 steps. 706 00:37:21,580 --> 00:37:26,406 Do you know how many steps I did in Massachusetts? Guess. 707 00:37:26,430 --> 00:37:28,263 - Two. - Pretty much. 708 00:37:30,090 --> 00:37:32,586 Step one, we filled out the verified complaint form, 709 00:37:32,610 --> 00:37:35,326 we filled out the order fixing date. 710 00:37:35,350 --> 00:37:37,256 We filled out the civil case information, 711 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,256 we mailed the check to the state of New Jersey... 712 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:41,137 Step seven. 713 00:37:41,161 --> 00:37:42,863 This is where we're at. Step seven. 714 00:37:42,887 --> 00:37:45,496 "The court will also indicate the name of a newspaper 715 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:46,956 in which you have to do this-" 716 00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:49,496 So now we have the newspaper is... 717 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,556 - Either the Times or Courier Post. 718 00:37:52,580 --> 00:37:54,356 - So then we need to figure out how to put this 719 00:37:54,380 --> 00:37:59,143 in the paper tonight. Headline. 720 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:05,160 In the matter of... - This fishy bitch named Yaya. 721 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:12,160 Change her muthafuckin' name to Christina Jennifurt. 722 00:38:12,890 --> 00:38:14,976 - Name of person placing this ad. 723 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,556 It does feel like pretty overwhelming. 724 00:38:16,580 --> 00:38:19,456 I can see why you haven't done it. I really do. 725 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,706 - And it's irritating because when you're sitting here and 726 00:38:21,730 --> 00:38:23,516 you're by yourself and you don't someone next to you 727 00:38:23,540 --> 00:38:26,716 talking to you, you're just like, "Fuck it." 728 00:38:26,740 --> 00:38:27,768 I don't know. 729 00:38:27,792 --> 00:38:29,126 It was never something that I was just like, "Oh my god this 730 00:38:29,150 --> 00:38:30,387 needs to happen." 731 00:38:30,411 --> 00:38:32,307 I was more worried about like, "Oh I need a hormone shot. 732 00:38:32,331 --> 00:38:34,376 I need an estrogen vial." 733 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,096 Versus, like, you know, I was more worried about my 734 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:41,706 physical appearance and passing than who's really gonna look 735 00:38:41,730 --> 00:38:42,867 at my ID. 736 00:38:42,891 --> 00:38:45,891 (cheesy hold music) 737 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,887 - Thank you for calling the Superior Court Clerk's Office. 738 00:38:52,911 --> 00:38:54,586 This is Annette speaking, how may I help you? 739 00:38:54,610 --> 00:38:58,886 - Hi, um, I emailed your office earlier Friday afternoon 740 00:38:58,910 --> 00:39:00,606 about my name change. 741 00:39:00,630 --> 00:39:03,516 I have the final affidavit right in front of me 742 00:39:03,540 --> 00:39:06,824 and now I just need to receive my certified copy. 743 00:39:06,848 --> 00:39:08,401 - What's the docket number? 744 00:39:08,425 --> 00:39:10,258 - L-760-17. - Hold on. 745 00:39:12,787 --> 00:39:16,454 (cheesy hold music resumes) 746 00:39:21,744 --> 00:39:24,403 - So you said it was 004-'cause it's not even 747 00:39:24,427 --> 00:39:25,582 coming up under the docket number. 748 00:39:25,606 --> 00:39:30,581 - No, that's not what I said. I said 760-17. 749 00:39:30,605 --> 00:39:33,144 - I would call the County Courthouse. 750 00:39:33,168 --> 00:39:33,978 - For vote by mail ballots- 751 00:39:34,002 --> 00:39:35,416 - Just start over again. 752 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,693 - Please press three. 753 00:39:36,717 --> 00:39:39,956 For the County Clerk Records Room, please press four. 754 00:39:39,980 --> 00:39:42,656 That's it! (phone ringing) 755 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,863 Yaya, do you want me, do you? 756 00:39:46,502 --> 00:39:48,216 - This is the County Clerk's Office, how can I help you? 757 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:52,186 Yes, um, I'm trying to get, um, my certified copies 758 00:39:52,210 --> 00:39:53,566 for the name change. 759 00:39:53,590 --> 00:39:56,406 Am I at the right place now talking to you? 760 00:39:56,430 --> 00:39:57,409 - Yes, you are. 761 00:39:57,433 --> 00:39:58,506 - Okay, thank you there is a light at the end of the tunnel 762 00:39:58,530 --> 00:40:00,230 because my head was gonna explode. 763 00:40:01,632 --> 00:40:04,627 - Yeah, they mail you out copies. 764 00:40:04,651 --> 00:40:06,488 They'll mail them out to you. With the gold seal? 765 00:40:06,512 --> 00:40:07,746 Yeah. - How many? 766 00:40:07,770 --> 00:40:09,243 - Yes, they'll send them out to you. 767 00:40:09,267 --> 00:40:10,246 - Okay! 768 00:40:10,270 --> 00:40:11,080 But thank you so much for all your help and you have 769 00:40:11,104 --> 00:40:12,396 a wonderful day, okay? 770 00:40:12,420 --> 00:40:13,230 - All right, thank you. You too. 771 00:40:13,254 --> 00:40:15,296 - You're welcome. Buh-bye. 772 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:19,546 Aw Dee, Dee Dee! Thank you! (clapping) 773 00:40:19,570 --> 00:40:21,499 - You know a movie that I didn't see? 774 00:40:21,523 --> 00:40:23,826 - I liked "Cruel Intentions." - What is it? 775 00:40:23,850 --> 00:40:26,916 - The first time I really remember, like, telling another 776 00:40:26,940 --> 00:40:30,156 friend, I almost felt like I had bad news to deliver. 777 00:40:30,180 --> 00:40:32,363 Like I had something horrible to tell you. 778 00:40:35,245 --> 00:40:39,263 And I was like, um, I don't even know if I could say 779 00:40:39,287 --> 00:40:41,146 the word trans! I don't remember. 780 00:40:41,170 --> 00:40:43,336 I just think I was like fumbling through it being like, 781 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,886 I don't wanna be, I think what I said was like, 782 00:40:44,910 --> 00:40:46,116 I don't wanna be a girl. 783 00:40:46,140 --> 00:40:48,136 But then I didn't really do anything about it. 784 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,336 I didn't tell another person for another two years. 785 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,226 Even though I like kept going to therapy 786 00:40:52,250 --> 00:40:54,243 and like I felt it and I would, 787 00:40:55,260 --> 00:40:57,226 so from basically 26 to 28 788 00:40:57,250 --> 00:40:59,606 I knew and I didn't do anything. 789 00:40:59,630 --> 00:41:03,106 'Cause yeah, living in a city and having an open family that 790 00:41:03,130 --> 00:41:05,936 already knew I was gay, like, it was still hard! 791 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,613 I still felt like shit. 792 00:41:10,850 --> 00:41:12,676 - I don't wanna go to bed! 793 00:41:12,700 --> 00:41:14,339 - Well, what are you gonna sit in the backyard in the 794 00:41:14,363 --> 00:41:15,780 dark by yourself? 795 00:41:24,410 --> 00:41:25,796 - It is true. 796 00:41:25,820 --> 00:41:28,036 What they were saying all them years. 797 00:41:28,060 --> 00:41:30,186 All these years. It's true. 798 00:41:30,210 --> 00:41:31,260 All you need is love. 799 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,798 I met Jack when she, well he, was this big. 800 00:41:34,822 --> 00:41:37,235 Jesus... well it seemed like this! 801 00:41:37,259 --> 00:41:38,068 - Like a fish! 802 00:41:38,092 --> 00:41:38,902 - It seemed like this big! 803 00:41:38,926 --> 00:41:41,916 It looked like a fish to me anyway, I'm a fisherman anyhow, 804 00:41:41,940 --> 00:41:45,646 but we'd been living here for quite some years, uh, 805 00:41:45,670 --> 00:41:48,516 and they had moved in as next door neighbors and 806 00:41:48,540 --> 00:41:52,233 we just melted, like, and turned into one family. 807 00:41:55,340 --> 00:41:58,216 Friday nights especially were the greatest. 808 00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:01,613 Ya know, because that's when it was like, ya know, game on. 809 00:42:02,465 --> 00:42:06,816 ♪ I got myself a guitar and I got myself some strings ♪ 810 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:10,790 When you're from Philadelphia, there's no... 811 00:42:12,180 --> 00:42:14,986 not being positive about anything. 812 00:42:15,010 --> 00:42:18,288 If you needed something to eat, you got something to eat. 813 00:42:18,312 --> 00:42:19,506 If you needed a roof over your head, you got a roof 814 00:42:19,530 --> 00:42:20,340 over your head. 815 00:42:20,364 --> 00:42:21,946 You couldn't want it any better than it 816 00:42:21,970 --> 00:42:26,464 is right here, right now. Even right now! To this day. 817 00:42:26,488 --> 00:42:27,297 (loud kissing) See? 818 00:42:27,321 --> 00:42:28,167 This is what I'm tellin' ya! 819 00:42:28,191 --> 00:42:30,246 I get a hickey from my next door neighbor. 820 00:42:30,270 --> 00:42:31,611 What do you want?! 821 00:42:31,635 --> 00:42:32,866 (shouting) What more could you want?! 822 00:42:32,890 --> 00:42:33,946 What? What?! 823 00:42:33,970 --> 00:42:36,936 I love everyone. I love life itself. 824 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,146 I love that I woke up today to tell you 825 00:42:39,170 --> 00:42:41,536 that I love this day. 826 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:46,560 I loved him ever since he was not him! 827 00:42:46,610 --> 00:42:50,176 He didn't know it! But I did. I loved him. 828 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,313 But he didn't know it. 829 00:42:54,460 --> 00:42:58,106 But he didn't know I loved him. He thought I loved her. 830 00:42:58,130 --> 00:42:59,433 But I love him. 831 00:43:00,710 --> 00:43:05,266 And I still do and I always will to my dying breath. 832 00:43:05,290 --> 00:43:06,676 Always. 833 00:43:06,700 --> 00:43:09,476 Every single day of my life. 834 00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:10,823 I love you all. 835 00:43:12,790 --> 00:43:14,256 And that's what it takes! 836 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,483 All you need is frickin' love! 837 00:43:17,603 --> 00:43:20,459 (guitar strums and laughter from home video) 838 00:43:20,483 --> 00:43:23,400 (crickets buzzing) 839 00:43:27,290 --> 00:43:31,206 - When Jack decided, it was, it was weird 840 00:43:31,230 --> 00:43:35,876 because he never, he never said "This is what I'm gonna do." 841 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:39,036 It was, "I need to get my top surgery." 842 00:43:39,060 --> 00:43:40,017 And I was like, "What do you mean?" 843 00:43:40,041 --> 00:43:41,393 And he was like, "I'm tired of binding." And I was like, 844 00:43:41,417 --> 00:43:43,636 "So do it! Just do it. Go for it." 845 00:43:43,660 --> 00:43:46,656 I get chills from it because I remember he was so panicked, 846 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,526 he was like, I'm gettin' chills really bad, 847 00:43:49,550 --> 00:43:52,033 he was... just. 848 00:43:53,020 --> 00:43:56,546 You could hear, like, a slight tinge of excitement, 849 00:43:56,570 --> 00:44:00,446 like a, oh my God could I really do this, behind the fear. 850 00:44:00,470 --> 00:44:01,826 And I knew that! 851 00:44:01,850 --> 00:44:03,216 Like, I was there. 852 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,346 I knew he was gonna do it and I knew it was gonna work 853 00:44:05,370 --> 00:44:08,420 out and I knew, like, he would finally have that 854 00:44:09,503 --> 00:44:11,483 (deep sigh) feeling that I had. 855 00:44:13,002 --> 00:44:14,889 - Are you gonna cry? - No! 856 00:44:14,913 --> 00:44:16,090 I just don't want to. 857 00:44:17,267 --> 00:44:20,382 (takes deep breath in and out) 858 00:44:20,406 --> 00:44:22,216 - You want like the Power Rangers theme music? 859 00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:23,744 Oh my God, I could totally play it. 860 00:44:23,768 --> 00:44:24,578 - (laughing) Do not. 861 00:44:24,602 --> 00:44:27,246 - Where's my phone? Let's give him theme music. 862 00:44:27,270 --> 00:44:30,876 - I'm not doing it 'cause I can't do it! (laughs) 863 00:44:30,900 --> 00:44:32,886 - Do you ever get nervous? - No! 864 00:44:32,910 --> 00:44:36,102 I'm like, I want my breasts to grow (smacks her butt) 865 00:44:36,126 --> 00:44:37,636 and I'm done. 866 00:44:37,660 --> 00:44:38,756 Like, literally just like that. 867 00:44:38,780 --> 00:44:40,980 I'm actually jealous. I wish I had estrogen. 868 00:44:41,987 --> 00:44:43,837 I would totally stab myself with you. 869 00:44:47,270 --> 00:44:48,080 I can do it for you. 870 00:44:48,104 --> 00:44:51,963 - I'm not trusting you to 'cause you want to too much, 871 00:44:51,987 --> 00:44:54,546 'Cause you're evil. (laughs) - I really don't want to. 872 00:44:54,570 --> 00:44:56,220 But I just want you to not shake. 873 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,096 - Just stick it in! - I'm trying, Dad! 874 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,266 - There's no trying just stick it on your skin and push 875 00:45:02,290 --> 00:45:03,623 it in and squeeze. 876 00:45:04,770 --> 00:45:06,753 Push! Just push! 877 00:45:08,490 --> 00:45:10,766 Deep down inside, that's what you gotta do, do it! 878 00:45:10,790 --> 00:45:12,843 - The deep down inside part is the part that's... 879 00:45:12,867 --> 00:45:15,536 (screams) You guys! 880 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,116 - I think you're overreacting. 881 00:45:17,140 --> 00:45:20,056 - I am! I'm trying. - It's shaky. 882 00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,054 So it shakes a little bit. 883 00:45:22,078 --> 00:45:23,066 What're you gonna do? 884 00:45:23,090 --> 00:45:25,026 - Think of the aftereffects. That's what I did. 885 00:45:25,050 --> 00:45:28,070 - I know, that's what I do. I think of beards! 886 00:45:28,094 --> 00:45:30,929 - Here, I'll hold your leg. 887 00:45:30,953 --> 00:45:33,191 - I can't... - You can. 888 00:45:33,215 --> 00:45:34,191 You really can. 889 00:45:34,215 --> 00:45:35,025 - I gotta hold my leg myself! 890 00:45:35,049 --> 00:45:36,454 - I think you're fine. 891 00:45:36,478 --> 00:45:37,878 - Can you hold this side of my leg? 892 00:45:38,530 --> 00:45:40,030 Okay, maybe I can do that. 893 00:45:41,070 --> 00:45:42,403 - Yeah, you can. 894 00:45:43,980 --> 00:45:44,980 - I need to do it! 895 00:45:46,195 --> 00:45:50,445 (Yaya singing Jurassic Park Theme) 896 00:45:58,536 --> 00:46:00,953 (Jack gasps) 897 00:46:03,299 --> 00:46:04,299 - It hurts! 898 00:46:05,838 --> 00:46:10,053 (Yaya sings Jurassic Park Theme) 899 00:46:10,077 --> 00:46:11,236 - Yay! (clapping) (Jack sighs) 900 00:46:11,260 --> 00:46:12,117 - Are you bleeding? 901 00:46:12,141 --> 00:46:13,143 - Yeah. - Good. 902 00:46:14,997 --> 00:46:16,456 - Well, thanks for coming over to torment me. 903 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:17,883 It's all I needed. Yay! 904 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,303 - My levels in my brain don't feel right. 905 00:46:23,630 --> 00:46:25,536 I'm not supposed to, like, have any 906 00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,946 period at all 'cause most trans people don't, like men don't 907 00:46:29,970 --> 00:46:31,656 have their period. 908 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,226 And, like, I don't have my period 909 00:46:33,250 --> 00:46:35,616 but I have, like, something. 910 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,366 Yesterday it was, like, kinda there and so I feel 911 00:46:38,390 --> 00:46:41,806 like there's hormones on that side of me and then I'm low 912 00:46:41,830 --> 00:46:44,926 on T and I just felt crazy. 913 00:46:44,950 --> 00:46:48,566 I didn't tell you, don't look at me like that. 914 00:46:48,590 --> 00:46:51,243 I'm getting a hysterectomy on the 15th of December. 915 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,296 - [Tony] They're paying for it? 916 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:54,320 - Yeah. 917 00:46:58,380 --> 00:46:59,646 - [Tony] Where's this gonna be at? 918 00:46:59,670 --> 00:47:00,670 - In Boston. 919 00:47:02,430 --> 00:47:06,026 'Cause I can't just like, do this, like, you know? 920 00:47:06,050 --> 00:47:08,030 - Probably streaming right with ya. 921 00:47:08,054 --> 00:47:10,804 (shoes flopping) 922 00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,947 Right here, this is where that hippie van was down there 923 00:47:15,971 --> 00:47:18,293 that I was telling you about, and the TV. 924 00:47:19,412 --> 00:47:22,126 I remember there was one of those dial big TVs down there 925 00:47:22,150 --> 00:47:23,436 for some reason. 926 00:47:23,460 --> 00:47:25,786 I had decent insurance and then, all of a sudden, 927 00:47:25,810 --> 00:47:28,066 it was like $500 a month. 928 00:47:28,090 --> 00:47:32,066 Or something crazy and, I made decent money then, 929 00:47:32,090 --> 00:47:35,316 I did not make that good of money to be able to cover all 930 00:47:35,340 --> 00:47:38,016 that so I was back to ordering my medicine online. 931 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:40,666 For a while I would also get them also from friends, 932 00:47:40,690 --> 00:47:42,586 you know, that were taking the same thing. 933 00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:44,432 You know, it was kinda just what we did. 934 00:47:44,456 --> 00:47:46,056 We would take care of each other. 935 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,776 Like if I ordered them and they weren't in yet, 936 00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:49,746 hey just give me one and soon as my order comes in 937 00:47:49,770 --> 00:47:52,212 I'll replace it or help you or whatever. 938 00:47:52,236 --> 00:47:53,876 There was older trans women that had been around for years 939 00:47:53,900 --> 00:47:54,896 and actually sell them. 940 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:58,806 At one point me and my one friend were using the estrogen 941 00:47:58,830 --> 00:48:01,426 patches and taking a shot. 942 00:48:01,450 --> 00:48:04,096 Which is not good for your body really at all. 943 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,848 Um, and when the woman found out that I was doing that 944 00:48:07,872 --> 00:48:10,376 she was like "Well here's the thing, I'm not gonna sell them 945 00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,296 to you until you're done." 946 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:16,446 Here's a woman that I didn't know her very well 947 00:48:16,470 --> 00:48:21,056 and I trusted her and she like was taking care of us 948 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:24,213 and that's why a lot of us call some of these trans women 949 00:48:24,237 --> 00:48:27,296 "Mom" and look up to them as a mother 950 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,696 I have people that call me "Mom" because I took them in 951 00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:30,916 and was helping them. 952 00:48:30,940 --> 00:48:33,546 And it's like even if I didn't have my doctors, 953 00:48:33,570 --> 00:48:34,793 I would've had a way. 954 00:48:37,461 --> 00:48:40,937 Yeah, there is someone down there, I think he's fishing. 955 00:48:40,961 --> 00:48:42,279 I wonder if that's actually my dad fishing, 956 00:48:42,303 --> 00:48:44,146 that would be really funny. 957 00:48:44,170 --> 00:48:46,844 The only person that would be fishing would be you. 958 00:48:46,868 --> 00:48:49,701 (Big John laughs) 959 00:48:51,010 --> 00:48:52,611 - Those Bud Light Platinums you have right there? 960 00:48:52,635 --> 00:48:53,635 - Yep, just one. 961 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:55,690 - They're not even really supposed 962 00:48:55,714 --> 00:48:56,939 to be in there technically- 963 00:48:56,963 --> 00:48:58,523 - No, these are! 964 00:48:58,547 --> 00:49:00,736 - No, they used to tell us to try to get them out because 965 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,136 they like- - Can you hear him? 966 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:04,783 Can you hear it croakin'? 967 00:49:07,860 --> 00:49:08,860 Scratch his belly... 968 00:49:11,617 --> 00:49:14,209 (laughs) Hear it? 969 00:49:14,233 --> 00:49:16,900 (fish cracking) 970 00:49:18,833 --> 00:49:22,000 (upbeat guitar music) 971 00:49:41,300 --> 00:49:44,250 They were dolls. They were like little girls- 972 00:49:44,274 --> 00:49:45,231 - Ohh, yeah! 973 00:49:45,255 --> 00:49:46,789 - They were called Time Out Dolls. They would sit in the- 974 00:49:46,813 --> 00:49:48,426 - They were fuckin' freaky! - They were really creepy. 975 00:49:48,450 --> 00:49:49,259 I still have them, I have mine. 976 00:49:49,283 --> 00:49:50,092 I think she's in my basement... 977 00:49:50,116 --> 00:49:51,086 - They were tall! - Yes, yes, yes! 978 00:49:51,110 --> 00:49:52,326 You would sit her in the corner, but she was like a child, 979 00:49:52,350 --> 00:49:54,583 they go to time out but it was like a doll and it was almost 980 00:49:54,607 --> 00:49:55,705 like a decoration. - It was so weird. 981 00:49:55,729 --> 00:49:57,405 - Which didn't make sense to why they would make 982 00:49:57,429 --> 00:49:59,186 a decoration to be a timeout but, 983 00:49:59,210 --> 00:50:01,466 my mom just picked this name out and we have this 984 00:50:01,490 --> 00:50:03,466 doll named Crendlewynn. 985 00:50:03,490 --> 00:50:07,306 And I said, "Mom where did you come up with that?" 986 00:50:07,330 --> 00:50:09,886 And she said, "Well, had you been a girl this would have 987 00:50:09,910 --> 00:50:10,720 been your name." 988 00:50:10,744 --> 00:50:12,876 And I will tell you this, that I didn't tell anybody, 989 00:50:12,900 --> 00:50:16,208 for years I tried to disconnect that wig, from its head 990 00:50:16,232 --> 00:50:20,773 to put it on because I was tired of wearing a mophead. 991 00:50:23,660 --> 00:50:25,053 - Lower. - Are you sure? 992 00:50:25,910 --> 00:50:26,926 - Yeah, so that- 993 00:50:26,950 --> 00:50:28,759 - Don't you want it, like, right in between his legs, like, 994 00:50:28,783 --> 00:50:31,043 there's so much paper room right there. 995 00:50:32,050 --> 00:50:33,533 - It's gonna be all on the crab. 996 00:50:37,780 --> 00:50:39,610 - Why you makin' noises like that? 997 00:50:39,634 --> 00:50:41,301 It wasn't that hard. 998 00:50:42,210 --> 00:50:43,989 Yeah, you could never deal with me giving you- 999 00:50:44,013 --> 00:50:45,872 - An injection? - A hormone shot. 1000 00:50:45,896 --> 00:50:47,266 - Noo! 'Cause you can barely do this. 1001 00:50:47,290 --> 00:50:49,536 - I can do this! You're a fucking bitch. 1002 00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:50,560 Man up. 1003 00:50:51,443 --> 00:50:52,547 - Okay. 1004 00:50:52,571 --> 00:50:53,517 - Man up. 1005 00:50:53,541 --> 00:50:55,896 - 'Cause apparently Yaya, we can't, we have to see what we 1006 00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,546 look like 'cause we're too- 1007 00:50:57,570 --> 00:51:00,640 - I'm too vain. (Tony giggling) 1008 00:51:02,153 --> 00:51:06,712 - That was a good one. (Tony hiccups) 1009 00:51:06,736 --> 00:51:09,486 (wind swooshing) 1010 00:51:12,824 --> 00:51:16,074 (soft, ethereal music) 1011 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,296 - My hysterectomy is scheduled for December. 1012 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:58,336 I scheduled it then because that's when I need the most 1013 00:51:58,360 --> 00:51:59,866 time to recover. 1014 00:51:59,890 --> 00:52:02,846 So you need like a good two to three weeks, well, two 1015 00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:06,566 weeks to be, like, no work cause you're just basically not, 1016 00:52:06,590 --> 00:52:10,576 I don't know, able to move that great. 1017 00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,006 So, I'm going to have it coincide 1018 00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:15,306 with the school vacation. 1019 00:52:15,330 --> 00:52:20,330 But I don't want to be in recovery so I'm sort of like do 1020 00:52:21,410 --> 00:52:22,220 I even want to have surgery. 1021 00:52:22,244 --> 00:52:25,336 Because back when I scheduled it, I was sometimes bleeding 1022 00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,386 and that was really shitty. 1023 00:52:27,410 --> 00:52:29,860 Like, I don't think anyone likes having a period. 1024 00:52:36,227 --> 00:52:39,606 (phone ringing) 1025 00:52:39,630 --> 00:52:41,476 Oh, my mustache looks amazing! 1026 00:52:41,500 --> 00:52:42,500 Look! 1027 00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:49,776 - Hi. (Jack laughs) 1028 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:54,659 - Why are you on, you had a lazy eye when you did that. 1029 00:52:54,683 --> 00:52:56,544 (Jack laughs) 1030 00:52:56,568 --> 00:52:58,128 - I was trying to show you my mustache. 1031 00:52:58,860 --> 00:53:01,456 - I was making a scary face and then I noticed your 1032 00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,218 lazy eye and got scared. 1033 00:53:03,242 --> 00:53:05,126 (Jack cackles) - You got a mustache? 1034 00:53:05,150 --> 00:53:06,150 - Yeah, look. 1035 00:53:10,263 --> 00:53:11,430 - Oh I see it! 1036 00:53:12,473 --> 00:53:15,026 Oh my god it's coming in! 1037 00:53:15,050 --> 00:53:16,653 - You look really great. 1038 00:53:16,677 --> 00:53:18,653 - Thanks! - Hold up the ID. 1039 00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:21,723 Cover your picture, I wanna see it. 1040 00:53:23,660 --> 00:53:25,103 - I got it the day I went to the DMV. 1041 00:53:25,127 --> 00:53:26,426 The woman was really cool. 1042 00:53:26,450 --> 00:53:29,858 She made me basically have a photoshoot right there. 1043 00:53:29,882 --> 00:53:31,218 My grandmom was really cute. 1044 00:53:31,242 --> 00:53:32,544 She was like, "Should I bake a cake? 1045 00:53:32,568 --> 00:53:33,660 I feel like we should bake a cake." 1046 00:53:33,684 --> 00:53:37,180 I was like, "No..." - Awww that's the best! 1047 00:53:37,204 --> 00:53:39,405 - Can I tell you what happened to me? 1048 00:53:39,429 --> 00:53:42,346 - What, yes please. I'm tired of talking, actually. 1049 00:53:42,370 --> 00:53:45,356 - Yaya, I was like crying, I was miserable, I was sad. 1050 00:53:45,380 --> 00:53:46,836 I wanted people to like talk to me 1051 00:53:46,860 --> 00:53:48,229 and as soon as they talked to me 1052 00:53:48,253 --> 00:53:49,466 I was like, "Don't talk to me." (both laugh) 1053 00:53:49,490 --> 00:53:51,246 I went to the grocery store (giggles) and 1054 00:53:51,270 --> 00:53:54,170 bought a whole bunch of shit on a credit card on food. 1055 00:53:54,194 --> 00:53:57,896 On the way home I'm like I feel like shit and I was like I'm 1056 00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,686 really hungry and I couldn't wait to eat 1057 00:53:59,710 --> 00:54:02,976 the buffalo wings so I pull over and I see a Best Buy 1058 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,536 so I was like, I'm going to Best Buy 1059 00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:06,729 and I sit in the Best Buy parking lot and I feel like, 1060 00:54:06,753 --> 00:54:09,236 I just start crying and I'm eating these buffalo wings 1061 00:54:09,260 --> 00:54:11,766 and crying and then I was like, 1062 00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:14,047 "I need a new TV!" 1063 00:54:15,340 --> 00:54:19,376 I, luckily, had tampons in my car because apparently I was 1064 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:23,656 getting my period for the first time in six months. 1065 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:24,816 And so I have this TV. 1066 00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,816 It's still in, like, the wrap because I think I have 1067 00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,576 to return it because I don't know why I did that. 1068 00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:31,966 - We're like about at the same, 1069 00:54:31,990 --> 00:54:32,957 we're about the same right now. 1070 00:54:32,981 --> 00:54:34,783 Lemme see yours. Awww. 1071 00:54:36,850 --> 00:54:38,431 Wait, go back to yours. 1072 00:54:38,455 --> 00:54:39,888 I wanna take a picture too. 1073 00:54:39,912 --> 00:54:41,256 - I'm trying to but you're too close. 1074 00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:42,496 You went to art school, right? 1075 00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,229 Like, how do you not get this? 1076 00:54:44,253 --> 00:54:47,426 - I mine is perfect! Is it? 1077 00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:49,045 - You're jigglin'! 1078 00:54:49,069 --> 00:54:50,406 - Okay, I'm stoppin' movin'. 1079 00:54:50,430 --> 00:54:52,506 Oh, this is perfect. 1080 00:54:52,530 --> 00:54:54,762 That was the best part of my day! 1081 00:54:54,786 --> 00:54:57,369 (music swells) 1082 00:55:03,746 --> 00:55:07,496 (quiet, contemplative music) 1083 00:55:15,130 --> 00:55:18,325 So my mom, for my 30th birthday, made this little 1084 00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:20,066 book for me. 1085 00:55:20,090 --> 00:55:22,376 And it's very cute. 1086 00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,436 And it's like the history of her and my dad 1087 00:55:24,460 --> 00:55:25,796 and me as a baby. 1088 00:55:25,820 --> 00:55:29,676 So then I basically just started finding pictures and I want 1089 00:55:29,700 --> 00:55:32,056 to put it to, like, a poem I wrote. 1090 00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,886 Right now I'm starting off with us as babies and then, like, 1091 00:55:35,910 --> 00:55:39,956 the colors and then I feel like once it starts to get older 1092 00:55:39,980 --> 00:55:44,846 I'm just gonna change us by switching us around, kind of. 1093 00:55:44,870 --> 00:55:47,706 You know, I can look at these pictures of myself as a little 1094 00:55:47,730 --> 00:55:51,206 "girl" and not feel upset but then it starts to just become 1095 00:55:51,230 --> 00:55:53,886 anxiety and not just like anxiety that everybody gets when 1096 00:55:53,910 --> 00:55:58,056 they look at pictures of them in like fifth grade and 1097 00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:01,696 above but more so I can feel my little bit, like, pain. 1098 00:56:01,720 --> 00:56:03,316 Like I didn't have pain when I was this young. 1099 00:56:03,340 --> 00:56:05,676 I just did whatever I wanted to do. 1100 00:56:05,700 --> 00:56:09,176 Like, I was also just dressing up like an insane person. 1101 00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,450 Look, I wanted a tattoo on my butt even then! 1102 00:56:12,430 --> 00:56:15,656 I had two painting ideas and one of them was like, uh, 1103 00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,376 like "what's between your legs" like is a thing that 1104 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:19,930 Yaya and I were talking about this 1105 00:56:19,954 --> 00:56:21,396 because she had an experience at work 1106 00:56:21,420 --> 00:56:25,136 where somebody stopped her (sighs) at her table. 1107 00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,406 Not, you know, a customer of hers, but just walked, 1108 00:56:28,430 --> 00:56:30,079 when she was walking past said 1109 00:56:30,103 --> 00:56:32,526 (speaking in higher voice) "Excuse me, I don't want this 1110 00:56:32,550 --> 00:56:34,936 to upset you, but are you transgender?" 1111 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,446 And, obviously, it did upset her. 1112 00:56:38,470 --> 00:56:41,953 And she was, she said "Oh, how did you know?" 1113 00:56:41,977 --> 00:56:44,996 Was her first response. Like, what gave it away? 1114 00:56:45,020 --> 00:56:46,729 And then she just spent the whole rest of her day just 1115 00:56:46,753 --> 00:56:49,376 being like what... 1116 00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:53,136 you know, what gave me away and I think I was thinkin' 1117 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,466 about that in bed at night and then I think even 1118 00:56:55,490 --> 00:56:58,526 like two days after that I was at this show at the MFA 1119 00:56:58,550 --> 00:57:03,463 in Boston and this guy just came up to me, we started, 1120 00:57:03,487 --> 00:57:06,523 some dude, we just started talking and he was like, 1121 00:57:06,547 --> 00:57:08,816 "Are you, are you a man?" 1122 00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:09,963 And I was like, "Yeah." and he was like, 1123 00:57:09,987 --> 00:57:12,046 "Are you a real man? Do you have a penis?" 1124 00:57:12,070 --> 00:57:14,716 Like at an art thing! In Boston! 1125 00:57:14,740 --> 00:57:17,536 And I was like, whoa, like, I can't believe that 1126 00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:18,716 this still happens. 1127 00:57:18,740 --> 00:57:20,976 So then I think, like, but what's between your legs 1128 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,306 kind of was like a thing that I thought would be 1129 00:57:23,330 --> 00:57:27,106 interesting to just, like, I dunno, paint about. 1130 00:57:27,130 --> 00:57:28,626 And then I'll probably paint over this. 1131 00:57:28,650 --> 00:57:30,696 I wind up painting things and then just painting over them 1132 00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,570 when I don't care about them anymore. 1133 00:57:33,788 --> 00:57:36,486 So I have a lot of that stuff, just things 1134 00:57:36,510 --> 00:57:41,076 I'm not really... I dunno. 1135 00:57:41,100 --> 00:57:42,386 I don't mind this one so far. 1136 00:57:42,410 --> 00:57:44,056 I just don't know what to do with the background, 1137 00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:48,266 but I think, you know, it's cathartic to just paint and 1138 00:57:48,290 --> 00:57:49,403 listen to music. 1139 00:57:51,144 --> 00:57:53,811 (bird chirping) 1140 00:58:02,099 --> 00:58:03,946 - I never thought I was handsome. 1141 00:58:03,970 --> 00:58:05,546 I didn't like, I hated my body. 1142 00:58:05,570 --> 00:58:09,346 I hate, even now sometimes I still hate, like, I'm pounding 1143 00:58:09,370 --> 00:58:11,816 makeup into my face. I shouldn't have to do that. 1144 00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:13,406 I don't wanna do that. 1145 00:58:13,430 --> 00:58:15,946 I mean, yeah, if I'm going out for the night and I wanna 1146 00:58:15,970 --> 00:58:18,546 wow the crowd, yeah, of course, I'm gonna be fun, 1147 00:58:18,570 --> 00:58:21,183 but like I am going to cook in my kitchen right now 1148 00:58:21,207 --> 00:58:24,236 and I feel like I have to keep pounding makeup on. 1149 00:58:24,260 --> 00:58:26,296 I wanna wake up and roll out of bed and not have to worry 1150 00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:31,320 about, you know, my face and is the sun too bright today 1151 00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,776 because, you know, if you're standing there 1152 00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:38,126 they're gonna see that you have facial hair growing in 1153 00:58:38,150 --> 00:58:42,056 and you have these things that you 1154 00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,396 did not want coming out of your body. 1155 00:58:44,420 --> 00:58:48,876 And then you have to sit there and decide whether you stay 1156 00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:52,596 in your room and play in the bathroom and do your makeup 1157 00:58:52,620 --> 00:58:54,866 until 5:00 when the sun goes down 1158 00:58:54,890 --> 00:58:58,386 and then go to work because your brain won't let you leave 1159 00:58:58,410 --> 00:58:59,410 during the day. 1160 00:59:00,590 --> 00:59:03,276 It's tough enough trying to fight with your body every day. 1161 00:59:03,300 --> 00:59:06,006 Like to wake up and be like oh god I've gotta do this 1162 00:59:06,030 --> 00:59:06,840 and I gotta... 1163 00:59:06,864 --> 00:59:10,056 Like me, I have platinum body hair and I have to shave every 1164 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:13,486 single day because electrolysis is, to do my face would cost 1165 00:59:13,510 --> 00:59:14,320 thousands of dollars. 1166 00:59:14,344 --> 00:59:16,156 I don't have that. I'm a waitress. 1167 00:59:16,180 --> 00:59:18,933 I have to take care of a grandmother and I have bills, 1168 00:59:18,957 --> 00:59:20,136 and I have things I pay. 1169 00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:22,316 I don't have just myself. 1170 00:59:22,340 --> 00:59:24,826 I have people that depend on me too, 1171 00:59:24,850 --> 00:59:26,656 as much as I depend on them 1172 00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:28,496 and I can't give up on them because they didn't give 1173 00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,623 up on me when I thought that they would. 1174 00:59:31,830 --> 00:59:33,846 I'm trying to be Christina. 1175 00:59:33,870 --> 00:59:35,916 Like, I'm not worried about what you're doing 1176 00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,986 in your house or with your body. 1177 00:59:38,010 --> 00:59:40,766 Why are you so worried about me? 1178 00:59:40,790 --> 00:59:43,566 Like, you can't see that I am happy because you don't know 1179 00:59:43,590 --> 00:59:46,956 what I looked like before when I wanted to kill myself. 1180 00:59:46,980 --> 00:59:49,443 You don't know how hard it was to not kill myself. 1181 00:59:49,467 --> 00:59:54,333 I want people to be able to not look at me and see the word 1182 00:59:54,357 --> 00:59:58,563 "tranny" and at the same time I'm proud of being trans. 1183 00:59:59,895 --> 01:00:01,806 I want people to look at me and just be like, "Damn, 1184 01:00:01,830 --> 01:00:04,316 she went through hell, her own version of it, 1185 01:00:04,340 --> 01:00:06,546 and she's okay. 1186 01:00:06,570 --> 01:00:09,076 I can be okay too." 1187 01:00:09,100 --> 01:00:13,966 And I hate that slogan, like "It Gets Better" and it 1188 01:00:13,990 --> 01:00:17,816 sounds so terrible but I do, because I know that's to make 1189 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,356 people feel better for the time but people need 1190 01:00:21,380 --> 01:00:23,616 to hear the truth. Like, it's fucking hard. 1191 01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:25,846 And that's why I feel like these people hurt themselves 1192 01:00:25,870 --> 01:00:28,006 because they keep having people in their face 1193 01:00:28,030 --> 01:00:30,256 going "it gets better" but they can't see it. 1194 01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:34,346 'Cause I'm living that "it gets better" thing and it's 1195 01:00:34,370 --> 01:00:38,056 still fucking hard. It's hard. 1196 01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:41,346 It's fucking hard. You wanna be happy? 1197 01:00:41,370 --> 01:00:43,226 It's gonna be hard. 1198 01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:45,363 But someone cares and someone needs you. 1199 01:00:47,866 --> 01:00:50,367 - [Man] We're being micromanaged by the federal government. 1200 01:00:50,391 --> 01:00:52,808 (TV blaring) 1201 01:01:04,533 --> 01:01:06,456 (lady laughing) 1202 01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:07,730 - You're getting a fever? 1203 01:01:10,935 --> 01:01:11,935 - Are you excited? 1204 01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:14,203 - I'm nervous. 1205 01:01:15,313 --> 01:01:17,156 - Eh, don't be nervous. 1206 01:01:17,180 --> 01:01:20,027 - Did you get your temperature taken? 1207 01:01:20,893 --> 01:01:21,893 - I'll do it right now. 1208 01:01:22,700 --> 01:01:24,513 - Yeah, show me. Show me the number. 1209 01:01:28,215 --> 01:01:29,886 - This is what it is. 1210 01:01:29,910 --> 01:01:32,336 - You really look like your mom with dark hair! 1211 01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:33,793 It freaks me out. 1212 01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:36,510 Maybe you have a bad fever... 1213 01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:39,994 - Maybe I'm the devil (thermometer beeps) 1214 01:01:40,018 --> 01:01:42,893 - Oh! - A hundred point-no. 1215 01:01:44,810 --> 01:01:47,071 - What if you're sick on Sunday? 1216 01:01:47,095 --> 01:01:48,316 Okay, here's the thing: if you're sick on Sunday do not 1217 01:01:48,340 --> 01:01:49,706 come up here. 1218 01:01:49,730 --> 01:01:52,146 I can't get sick and that's a real thing. 1219 01:01:52,170 --> 01:01:52,980 - No, I know. 1220 01:01:53,004 --> 01:01:56,676 - And I also don't want you to drive, obviously. 1221 01:01:56,700 --> 01:01:58,733 - Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. 1222 01:01:58,757 --> 01:02:00,156 I'm never sick- 1223 01:02:00,180 --> 01:02:02,326 - Yeah, but you do crazy shit when you're sick so 1224 01:02:02,350 --> 01:02:04,856 like (exasperated sigh) All right, I love you. 1225 01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:06,746 - I love you. 1226 01:02:06,770 --> 01:02:07,770 - Bye! - Bye! 1227 01:02:10,090 --> 01:02:11,090 - Oh, Yaya. 1228 01:02:17,980 --> 01:02:21,856 - I didn't read the internet at all, I only 1229 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:25,836 listened to the doctor and then tonight I decided to have a 1230 01:02:25,860 --> 01:02:28,796 freak out and read the internet 1231 01:02:28,820 --> 01:02:31,936 and the internet said it sucks 1232 01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:36,066 and then now I feel like I didn't wanna have it 1233 01:02:36,090 --> 01:02:38,540 but I'm gonna have it and I'm just gonna have it. 1234 01:02:39,419 --> 01:02:42,016 I talked to my mom tonight and she said it's just normal 1235 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:45,946 to be nervous about having surgery but... 1236 01:02:45,970 --> 01:02:46,887 Tony's funny. 1237 01:02:46,911 --> 01:02:48,910 He sent me a text message that was like, 1238 01:02:49,879 --> 01:02:51,333 I'll have to read it, 1239 01:02:51,357 --> 01:02:54,213 but it was just like, you inspire me to be my true self 1240 01:02:54,237 --> 01:02:57,696 and I was just like, I think you're really 1241 01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:59,013 your true self. 1242 01:02:59,037 --> 01:03:01,594 (laughing) There's really no fakin' that. 1243 01:03:01,618 --> 01:03:03,683 If you're not you, there's a problem. 1244 01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:11,903 This is, like, counts for the pre-surgical scrub, right? 1245 01:03:12,797 --> 01:03:16,173 (chuckles) You're bad. 1246 01:03:17,735 --> 01:03:22,735 (shower running) (Jack clears throat) 1247 01:03:32,540 --> 01:03:34,286 I was up all night. 1248 01:03:34,310 --> 01:03:36,093 I saw every hour of the clock. 1249 01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:39,636 - Aw, were you just stressin'? 1250 01:03:39,660 --> 01:03:42,236 Or you weren't tired? - I was tired. 1251 01:03:42,260 --> 01:03:43,483 I was stressed, I guess. 1252 01:03:46,446 --> 01:03:48,149 - Sorry! - Just flew out of me. 1253 01:03:48,173 --> 01:03:49,060 Guess we can turn around. (producer laughing) 1254 01:03:49,084 --> 01:03:50,203 Turn this car around! 1255 01:03:51,310 --> 01:03:54,613 I was thinkin' maybe I am sick and then I'm like, 1256 01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:58,590 if this is a problem for them and they cancel it... 1257 01:04:01,420 --> 01:04:03,270 is this just like the universe saying 1258 01:04:04,345 --> 01:04:05,437 (whispers) "Don't get it!" 1259 01:04:10,289 --> 01:04:11,846 Why would the universe say not to get a hysterectomy, 1260 01:04:11,870 --> 01:04:13,100 I don't know. 1261 01:04:18,030 --> 01:04:20,683 - Well, just get there and, you know, tell your doctors 1262 01:04:20,707 --> 01:04:23,483 what's up and take it from there, right? 1263 01:04:28,890 --> 01:04:30,726 - When I came out that I was gonna transition, 1264 01:04:30,750 --> 01:04:34,416 we were walking in Philly and we were doing something 1265 01:04:34,440 --> 01:04:35,963 and I kinda nonchalantly said 1266 01:04:35,987 --> 01:04:38,287 "Guys, I'm gonna transition into a woman." 1267 01:04:39,180 --> 01:04:41,656 And they all kinda looked at me 1268 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:43,463 and then Jack was like, "Really?" 1269 01:04:43,487 --> 01:04:46,576 and I was like, "Yeah, I'm already taking estrogen. 1270 01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:49,606 I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna continue." And that was 1271 01:04:49,630 --> 01:04:50,440 kind of it. 1272 01:04:50,464 --> 01:04:53,756 And I had someone that I drove with in a car and I had 1273 01:04:53,780 --> 01:04:56,366 said to him, he was the first one, we were driving back 1274 01:04:56,390 --> 01:05:00,226 from one of my shows and I said, "Ricky, I think I need 1275 01:05:00,250 --> 01:05:04,696 to transition," and I started to cry and he goes, "Well, 1276 01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:07,346 from what I see, Yaya gets shit done. 1277 01:05:07,370 --> 01:05:10,576 And Chris kinda isn't as strong." 1278 01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:12,803 And I said "Because I'm not meant to be him," and he goes, 1279 01:05:12,827 --> 01:05:15,066 "There's your answer." That was it. 1280 01:05:15,090 --> 01:05:17,646 I just needed someone to confirm that. 1281 01:05:17,670 --> 01:05:20,586 I needed someone else that had picked up on that 1282 01:05:20,610 --> 01:05:22,676 'cause I had gone everywhere like this. 1283 01:05:22,700 --> 01:05:27,700 Now Jack, he's binded himself and never dressed feminine. 1284 01:05:28,130 --> 01:05:30,786 I think the last time he dressed feminine was, I think, 1285 01:05:30,810 --> 01:05:32,431 the high school prom! 1286 01:05:32,455 --> 01:05:34,446 And that was just for a prom, just for a picture, just so 1287 01:05:34,470 --> 01:05:35,397 they had it. 1288 01:05:35,421 --> 01:05:37,856 You know, it wasn't like, I don't really think that was 1289 01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:38,787 really a choice of his own. 1290 01:05:38,811 --> 01:05:40,946 I think it was, "I have to do this to make my parents happy" 1291 01:05:40,970 --> 01:05:42,293 type of thing. 1292 01:05:42,317 --> 01:05:44,516 I noticed he was kind of always really drunk 1293 01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:45,736 when he would come home and always like, 1294 01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:47,456 he didn't wanna be really near his family. 1295 01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:48,417 And he loves his family! 1296 01:05:48,441 --> 01:05:50,736 But he was, like, drifting from them and I felt like it was 1297 01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:54,506 because he was, he knew deep down that he was not 1298 01:05:54,530 --> 01:05:57,976 who he was portraying and... 1299 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,316 I don't know, I just... 1300 01:06:00,340 --> 01:06:05,176 you finally get to see him and you can see, like, his chest 1301 01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:07,866 poked out and he's like walking 1302 01:06:07,890 --> 01:06:11,066 with that masculine confidence that he was suppressing, 1303 01:06:11,090 --> 01:06:11,900 in a way. 1304 01:06:11,924 --> 01:06:13,926 He let some of it out but now it's out. 1305 01:06:13,950 --> 01:06:15,406 Now he's like, "This is me." 1306 01:06:15,430 --> 01:06:16,936 You know, he's not afraid of things. 1307 01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:18,913 He has his moments that he'll call and go, 1308 01:06:18,937 --> 01:06:20,963 "I'm having a day, I'm having a day." 1309 01:06:20,987 --> 01:06:22,404 And I'm like, "Okay, what kind of day are 1310 01:06:22,428 --> 01:06:23,407 you having today?" 1311 01:06:23,431 --> 01:06:28,367 "I didn't take my, I have to take my, uh, my testosterone 1312 01:06:28,391 --> 01:06:31,044 but I'm mad! I feel crazy!" 1313 01:06:31,068 --> 01:06:33,525 And I'm like, "Okay, be mad and crazy. 1314 01:06:33,549 --> 01:06:34,359 What are you mad and crazy about?" 1315 01:06:34,383 --> 01:06:36,226 "Oh, it's this." I'm like, "Oh it's nothing. 1316 01:06:36,250 --> 01:06:37,806 Oh it's nothing. You'll be fine. 1317 01:06:37,830 --> 01:06:40,346 You'll be fine." "Uh blah blah blah!" 1318 01:06:40,370 --> 01:06:42,416 "You'll be fine. You'll be fine. 1319 01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:44,716 Like, there are so many worse things that could happen. 1320 01:06:44,740 --> 01:06:45,740 You will be fine." 1321 01:06:47,287 --> 01:06:52,287 (slow, somber music) (car blinker ticking) 1322 01:07:24,247 --> 01:07:26,747 (dog barking) 1323 01:07:44,562 --> 01:07:47,037 - (yawns) I'm starving. 1324 01:07:47,061 --> 01:07:49,009 (gasps) Hi! C'mere boyfriend! 1325 01:07:49,033 --> 01:07:51,757 C'mere! Hi, I'm back! Hi! Hi! 1326 01:07:53,159 --> 01:07:54,159 So cute! Hi. 1327 01:07:57,068 --> 01:08:00,226 - Hi. - Aw, (giggles) I'm sorry. 1328 01:08:00,250 --> 01:08:03,286 Your mustache! Look at it! 1329 01:08:03,310 --> 01:08:04,576 How are ya? 1330 01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:05,781 - Are those new shoes? I like 'em. 1331 01:08:05,805 --> 01:08:07,926 - No, they're the same. - They're cute. 1332 01:08:07,950 --> 01:08:10,766 - Where's the flour? - In that red thing 1333 01:08:10,790 --> 01:08:12,123 - Oh, yeah. - The big one. 1334 01:08:16,100 --> 01:08:17,976 - She's trying to be fancy. 1335 01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,506 - No, this, you didn't give me a rolling pin, 1336 01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:22,486 but look how far I got. 1337 01:08:22,510 --> 01:08:25,525 - I use a wine bottle. Don't move, okay? 1338 01:08:25,549 --> 01:08:27,106 - That's actually not a bad idea... 1339 01:08:27,130 --> 01:08:29,327 - I get into the operating room, I get in there, 1340 01:08:29,351 --> 01:08:33,036 then I'm still on my Valium. 1341 01:08:33,060 --> 01:08:35,426 And it's all these nurses, just all these beautiful 1342 01:08:35,450 --> 01:08:39,046 women all around, just anesthesiologists, doctors, 1343 01:08:39,070 --> 01:08:41,589 and I just like was crying because I was really high 1344 01:08:41,613 --> 01:08:44,263 and I'm like, tears are in my eyes, and I just go, 1345 01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,846 "I'm just so glad there's no men here," 1346 01:08:46,870 --> 01:08:50,044 and they all just start cracking up and then they just, 1347 01:08:50,068 --> 01:08:51,786 like, were like, "Okay, count to 10 backwards" 1348 01:08:51,810 --> 01:08:53,427 or whatever and then I was out. 1349 01:08:58,420 --> 01:09:00,120 Do you see my stomach? Look at it. 1350 01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:04,622 It's like a fuckin' watermelon in it. 1351 01:09:04,646 --> 01:09:07,836 - I think we need to pull this up on the TV and watch 1352 01:09:07,860 --> 01:09:12,097 what they do. - I feel, like, really sick. 1353 01:09:12,121 --> 01:09:15,916 I don't even know when I'm gonna not feel like this. 1354 01:09:15,940 --> 01:09:19,407 - Oh my god. You're... (snorts then laughs) 1355 01:09:19,431 --> 01:09:22,076 - I'm gonna fuckin- - You're such a big baby. 1356 01:09:22,100 --> 01:09:24,796 You're gonna be so thankful in six months 1357 01:09:24,820 --> 01:09:27,176 when you never have to worry about this ever again. 1358 01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,436 - I didn't say I wasn't gonna be thankful, you asshole. 1359 01:09:29,460 --> 01:09:30,620 - I know but don't be a jerk. 1360 01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:33,754 What do you mean I don't know 1361 01:09:33,778 --> 01:09:35,138 when I'm gonna not feel like this. 1362 01:09:36,900 --> 01:09:39,396 - Call 911 if I faint. - Nah, I'll just leave you 1363 01:09:39,420 --> 01:09:42,626 there and look at ya and take pictures. (laughs) 1364 01:09:42,650 --> 01:09:44,773 - You'll be playing Candy Crush. 1365 01:09:44,797 --> 01:09:47,856 - Yeah! I'll play Candy Crush while you're passed out. 1366 01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:51,130 It's what I do to MomMom. It's perfect. 1367 01:09:52,155 --> 01:09:54,905 (wind swooshing) 1368 01:10:11,370 --> 01:10:12,247 - What's today, Jack? 1369 01:10:12,271 --> 01:10:15,296 - Today is Super Bowl Sunday! 1370 01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:16,999 - Before I wreck the video camera... 1371 01:10:17,023 --> 01:10:18,977 - Today the Eagles are gonna win! 1372 01:10:19,001 --> 01:10:20,001 - I hope so. 1373 01:10:22,430 --> 01:10:24,383 - Dallas won, even though they suck. 1374 01:10:25,872 --> 01:10:27,322 Oh well, not this year, boys. 1375 01:10:32,838 --> 01:10:34,926 - Third time's the charm. 1376 01:10:34,950 --> 01:10:36,672 He blocks, see how he came up and checked him? 1377 01:10:36,696 --> 01:10:38,756 'Cause the quarterback, if you go back... 1378 01:10:38,780 --> 01:10:40,232 - Oh, I see. 1379 01:10:40,256 --> 01:10:41,656 - You watch Matt Ryan, he turns. 1380 01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:43,336 - To go throw it back to him. 1381 01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:44,386 - Back to him and he sees he's covered. 1382 01:10:44,410 --> 01:10:46,623 Watch, just let it play. He throws the ball. 1383 01:10:46,647 --> 01:10:49,046 Now look, look, look, look. Now watch, look! 1384 01:10:49,070 --> 01:10:50,243 Look, see! Look! 1385 01:10:51,250 --> 01:10:52,996 - I'm in here for a reason, hold on. 1386 01:10:53,020 --> 01:10:55,436 Oh! He took it. Never mind, there is no reason. 1387 01:10:55,460 --> 01:10:57,816 John drinks the same wine I do now and I thought his open 1388 01:10:57,840 --> 01:11:00,176 bottle was still in there so I was gonna drink it first. 1389 01:11:00,200 --> 01:11:02,776 They're so excited and cheery that it feels like that. 1390 01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,646 It feels like a holiday, which has kind of got me 1391 01:11:05,670 --> 01:11:07,436 in a good, decent mood. 1392 01:11:07,460 --> 01:11:10,786 Me, John, and Justin were literally like fuck this shit. 1393 01:11:10,810 --> 01:11:12,509 'Cause we've had enough. 1394 01:11:12,533 --> 01:11:13,636 Like, we got, like, tormented! 1395 01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:18,163 If they lost, everybody was mad and pissy and it was just, 1396 01:11:18,187 --> 01:11:20,536 we were just like, I don't fuckin' care. 1397 01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:21,806 Plus we were all gay! 1398 01:11:21,830 --> 01:11:23,544 And football was the thing that like, 1399 01:11:23,568 --> 01:11:25,046 you should play football! 1400 01:11:25,070 --> 01:11:27,883 You guys are big boys! You should be hitting people! 1401 01:11:27,907 --> 01:11:29,796 And I'm like, oh I'm gonna hit people. 1402 01:11:29,820 --> 01:11:31,626 It's just not gonna be football. 1403 01:11:31,650 --> 01:11:32,866 I am excited for this game though 1404 01:11:32,890 --> 01:11:35,086 because, like I said, they all seem 1405 01:11:35,110 --> 01:11:37,913 super like, cheery and... 1406 01:11:40,294 --> 01:11:42,144 They just seem like, what's the word? 1407 01:11:43,940 --> 01:11:44,750 Alive? 1408 01:11:44,774 --> 01:11:47,599 Like, they usually are, like, diehard like crazy that's why 1409 01:11:47,623 --> 01:11:50,373 they have such a bad rap, but they really seem like... 1410 01:11:51,740 --> 01:11:53,532 their hope is there. 1411 01:11:53,556 --> 01:11:56,473 (combined chatter) 1412 01:11:57,920 --> 01:12:00,307 Look at my dad, he's so anxious right now. 1413 01:12:01,737 --> 01:12:04,570 (people laughing) 1414 01:12:06,987 --> 01:12:07,987 Oh! 1415 01:12:09,291 --> 01:12:10,291 - All right! 1416 01:12:12,685 --> 01:12:13,685 - Let's go! 1417 01:12:15,151 --> 01:12:18,901 (all screaming and cheering) 1418 01:12:24,591 --> 01:12:25,924 Needed that one! 1419 01:12:28,308 --> 01:12:29,585 - Shit! 1420 01:12:29,609 --> 01:12:32,273 (all screaming) 1421 01:12:32,297 --> 01:12:34,181 - (yelling) Fuck! Was that a pick?! 1422 01:12:34,205 --> 01:12:35,622 - Yes! - Flip it! 1423 01:12:42,148 --> 01:12:45,065 - I'm not looking. I'm not looking. 1424 01:12:46,831 --> 01:12:48,247 - Oh. My. God. - Touchdown! 1425 01:12:48,271 --> 01:12:52,803 (all screaming and cheering) 1426 01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:55,388 ♪ Fly Eagles Fly ♪ 1427 01:12:55,412 --> 01:12:59,204 ♪ Score a touchdown 1, 2, 1, 2, 3 ♪ 1428 01:12:59,228 --> 01:13:02,482 ♪ Hit 'em low Hit 'em high ♪ 1429 01:13:02,506 --> 01:13:06,045 ♪ And watch our Eagles fly ♪ 1430 01:13:06,069 --> 01:13:09,486 E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! 1431 01:13:10,988 --> 01:13:12,571 - Watch this catch. 1432 01:13:15,837 --> 01:13:20,837 - Best receiver in the clutch, in the big moments. 1433 01:13:21,980 --> 01:13:23,934 In the fourth quarter. 1434 01:13:23,958 --> 01:13:25,541 - This is horrible. 1435 01:13:29,303 --> 01:13:30,470 - Fuck! - Fuck. 1436 01:13:32,230 --> 01:13:34,380 Seven points doesn't mean we can't be beat. 1437 01:13:36,030 --> 01:13:37,323 Take all the clock off. 1438 01:13:39,070 --> 01:13:40,070 Eat up the clock. 1439 01:13:41,181 --> 01:13:44,618 Just eat the clock up. Just eat the clock up. 1440 01:13:44,642 --> 01:13:45,826 - Too much to eat! 1441 01:13:45,850 --> 01:13:46,893 - One more play! 1442 01:13:54,616 --> 01:13:57,370 - Oh my God. I'm gonna be sick. 1443 01:13:57,394 --> 01:13:59,372 I'm gonna be sick! 1444 01:13:59,396 --> 01:14:02,989 - No, no, no. - C'mon! 1445 01:14:03,013 --> 01:14:06,513 (shouting) - Guys, c'mon! 1446 01:14:07,547 --> 01:14:10,024 - We're intercepting that! 1447 01:14:10,048 --> 01:14:12,888 - That was so close. 1448 01:14:12,912 --> 01:14:14,408 - That's it? - Game over! 1449 01:14:14,432 --> 01:14:16,099 - That's it! (screaming and cheering) 1450 01:14:16,123 --> 01:14:18,706 (joyful music) 1451 01:14:25,232 --> 01:14:27,149 - Holy shit. Holy shit! 1452 01:14:27,173 --> 01:14:29,756 (all cheering) 1453 01:14:39,013 --> 01:14:40,096 - Yeah! Yeah! 1454 01:14:46,432 --> 01:14:47,486 - That was probably the best Super Bowl I ever watched 1455 01:14:47,510 --> 01:14:50,568 in my life. Even though we won it! 1456 01:14:50,592 --> 01:14:55,592 - That was insane! It was the picture! 1457 01:14:55,648 --> 01:14:58,363 - It was the picture. (laughs) 1458 01:14:58,387 --> 01:14:59,433 - I need a lighter. 1459 01:15:03,765 --> 01:15:06,099 - You're wearin' number 36. 1460 01:15:06,123 --> 01:15:07,123 - The number was 41! 1461 01:15:09,420 --> 01:15:12,104 - I don't think this is a good time to talk to us. 1462 01:15:12,128 --> 01:15:13,143 - I think it's the perfect time to talk to you. 1463 01:15:13,167 --> 01:15:14,543 - I don't think it's not good. 1464 01:15:14,567 --> 01:15:18,239 - (laughing) I don't think it's not good! 1465 01:15:18,263 --> 01:15:21,780 - We did it, old man! We won, motherfucker! 1466 01:15:21,804 --> 01:15:25,279 - (giggling) Awww. 1467 01:15:25,303 --> 01:15:26,446 - That's what I was waiting for. The end! 1468 01:15:26,470 --> 01:15:27,777 Don't tell me what I was doin', 1469 01:15:27,801 --> 01:15:29,496 oh I was a shitty dad all day- 1470 01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:30,447 - Ahh all day long he was- 1471 01:15:30,471 --> 01:15:33,476 - I was waitin' for the end! I was waitin' for the end! 1472 01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:37,196 - You were in a bad mood all day! 1473 01:15:37,220 --> 01:15:39,916 If the Eagles lost, we didn't talk on all, 1474 01:15:39,940 --> 01:15:43,216 well from the rest of Sunday into Monday. 1475 01:15:43,240 --> 01:15:45,836 If the Eagles won, we went to 7-11 and we got nachos 1476 01:15:45,860 --> 01:15:47,226 and then we watched "The Simpsons." 1477 01:15:47,250 --> 01:15:48,250 It was really cool. 1478 01:15:50,210 --> 01:15:52,123 - Even Pam's happy! Holy shit. 1479 01:16:02,641 --> 01:16:06,531 Yaya! (laughs) The dogs are... 1480 01:16:06,555 --> 01:16:09,956 Yaya, the dogs are barking! 1481 01:16:09,980 --> 01:16:11,215 Yaya! 1482 01:16:11,239 --> 01:16:12,049 - She's right here. 1483 01:16:12,073 --> 01:16:13,873 - Jack, I don't have the patience. Shut up. 1484 01:16:14,856 --> 01:16:15,666 (Jack laughing) It's not even funny. 1485 01:16:15,690 --> 01:16:16,770 I'm gonna- - Kim Kardashian. 1486 01:16:17,770 --> 01:16:18,966 - I don't picture her as a happy traveler... 1487 01:16:18,990 --> 01:16:21,476 - Yaya, you're getting the dogs to bark. (giggling) 1488 01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:22,474 - You're doing it! 1489 01:16:22,498 --> 01:16:23,913 I'm not the one fuckin' screamin'! 1490 01:16:23,937 --> 01:16:25,673 Here, you could have been a man and carried this. 1491 01:16:25,697 --> 01:16:26,676 - We need to be- 1492 01:16:26,700 --> 01:16:27,655 - I understand, but you could have helped me 1493 01:16:27,679 --> 01:16:28,975 and carried this. 1494 01:16:28,999 --> 01:16:30,986 And I also sold cupcakes five minutes before you walked 1495 01:16:31,010 --> 01:16:32,457 in the kitchen. - Yeah, I know. 1496 01:16:32,481 --> 01:16:36,036 - Well (scoffs) it wasn't like I wasn't doing stuff! 1497 01:16:36,060 --> 01:16:36,870 - I know! 1498 01:16:36,894 --> 01:16:37,946 I didn't think you weren't not doing stuff! 1499 01:16:37,970 --> 01:16:38,970 We gotta go! 1500 01:16:47,303 --> 01:16:50,970 (rhythmic, uplifting music) 1501 01:16:59,201 --> 01:17:03,034 (Jack and Yaya both laughing) 1502 01:17:13,090 --> 01:17:14,336 - Mom! Is your car parked? 1503 01:17:14,360 --> 01:17:15,480 - Hurry up! - I'm pushin' it. 1504 01:17:30,417 --> 01:17:32,193 - All right, Chrissy. This is yours, baby. 1505 01:17:34,480 --> 01:17:37,516 - I was thankful that Chrissy had our 1506 01:17:37,540 --> 01:17:41,756 house to play with dolls and to be girly and to twirl. 1507 01:17:41,780 --> 01:17:44,480 I feel like she did it more at our house than her own. 1508 01:17:47,590 --> 01:17:48,966 Jack never really played with the dolls 1509 01:17:48,990 --> 01:17:50,306 but I was too, like, oblivious. 1510 01:17:50,330 --> 01:17:52,846 I was like, I dunno, she's a girl, I'm gonna 1511 01:17:52,870 --> 01:17:54,276 give her dolls! 1512 01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:58,586 It's weird I was oblivious to the fact that Jack was Jack. 1513 01:17:58,610 --> 01:18:00,666 Like all the signs were there. 1514 01:18:00,690 --> 01:18:01,923 Like when Jack was, like, three, 1515 01:18:01,947 --> 01:18:04,306 "I want a wallet like my dad!" 1516 01:18:04,330 --> 01:18:06,946 And he'd slick his hair back, and put the wallet and wear 1517 01:18:06,970 --> 01:18:11,113 jeans and I was like all right, it's just a phase. 1518 01:18:11,137 --> 01:18:12,703 - Where we goin' first, JoJo? 1519 01:18:12,727 --> 01:18:14,646 - Home! Home so I can change! 1520 01:18:14,670 --> 01:18:17,588 Home so I can change! - The restaurant? The diner? 1521 01:18:17,612 --> 01:18:20,146 - Home so I can change. I don't care. 1522 01:18:20,170 --> 01:18:21,676 - He was in high school. 1523 01:18:21,700 --> 01:18:24,610 And Jack was like, Mom, I have something to tell you. 1524 01:18:24,634 --> 01:18:25,865 And I was like, ooh good! 1525 01:18:25,889 --> 01:18:27,076 'Cause I was happy that he was talking to me, you know how 1526 01:18:27,100 --> 01:18:29,276 teenagers don't talk, and Jack was like, no, 1527 01:18:29,300 --> 01:18:32,273 it's not good, Lindsay and I think we're gay. 1528 01:18:33,692 --> 01:18:36,556 (chuckles) And I was like, okay, well, it's probably 1529 01:18:36,580 --> 01:18:39,356 just a phase, you know, you like each other. 1530 01:18:39,380 --> 01:18:40,713 I was so dumb! 1531 01:18:40,737 --> 01:18:43,586 Yeah, I was like in denial. 1532 01:18:43,610 --> 01:18:46,236 And then Traci and Jack and I went shopping one time 1533 01:18:46,260 --> 01:18:48,376 and they go into the men's department. 1534 01:18:48,400 --> 01:18:49,436 It really bothered me 1535 01:18:49,460 --> 01:18:51,756 that we were picking out boys' clothes. 1536 01:18:51,780 --> 01:18:53,456 And Traci thought it was nothing! 1537 01:18:53,480 --> 01:18:54,976 Traci was like, "Oh yeah, Jack, 1538 01:18:55,000 --> 01:18:57,056 this flannel shirt will look good." 1539 01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:58,483 And Jack's like, "Yeah!" 1540 01:18:58,507 --> 01:19:00,346 And it didn't even occur to me, and the whole time 1541 01:19:00,370 --> 01:19:01,180 I'm freaking out. 1542 01:19:01,204 --> 01:19:03,916 I'm thinking why are we picking out, like it's okay 1543 01:19:03,940 --> 01:19:06,806 to be a lesbian, but why're you wearing boys' clothes? 1544 01:19:06,830 --> 01:19:08,146 And the hardest thing is saying "he." 1545 01:19:08,170 --> 01:19:09,593 That's the hardest for me. 1546 01:19:10,550 --> 01:19:12,946 And, telling people, oh do you have children? 1547 01:19:12,970 --> 01:19:14,596 Automatically I would say, "Oh, I have two daughters," 1548 01:19:14,620 --> 01:19:16,546 and then I'm like, well wait, and then I just started a new 1549 01:19:16,570 --> 01:19:18,946 job and I'm like, all right, should I just tell them 1550 01:19:18,970 --> 01:19:19,779 I have a son and a daughter? 1551 01:19:19,803 --> 01:19:20,613 I'll just do that. 1552 01:19:20,637 --> 01:19:22,386 And then someone said, "Oh, do you have kids?" 1553 01:19:22,410 --> 01:19:23,810 and I was like, "Yeah I have two daughters" 1554 01:19:23,834 --> 01:19:26,716 And I'm like, "Why'd I just say I have two daughters?" 1555 01:19:26,740 --> 01:19:29,256 No, Jack was always happy and easy and fun. 1556 01:19:29,280 --> 01:19:33,996 I don't think I do see a difference. 1557 01:19:34,020 --> 01:19:36,840 I guess Jack hides his anxiety well, I don't know. 1558 01:19:40,292 --> 01:19:43,042 (waves crashing) 1559 01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:49,666 They are the best. They're like so not cookie cutter. 1560 01:19:49,690 --> 01:19:54,690 And they're both so smart and quick and fun to be around. 1561 01:19:55,150 --> 01:19:56,296 They're awesome. 1562 01:19:56,320 --> 01:19:59,683 - Do you want this one? - What? No, I want this one. 1563 01:20:01,258 --> 01:20:03,258 It's purple. It matches. 1564 01:20:07,457 --> 01:20:09,591 (quiet, emotional music) - Let's race them. 1565 01:20:09,615 --> 01:20:12,976 ♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪ (Jack laughs) 1566 01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:15,576 - Our friendship is this giant thing. 1567 01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:17,026 Our friendship is huge. 1568 01:20:17,050 --> 01:20:20,109 Unless you have this you don't get it. 1569 01:20:20,133 --> 01:20:23,066 You don't get a person, you do not, you're not 1570 01:20:23,090 --> 01:20:28,090 guaranteed a person to be in your life from the time you can 1571 01:20:28,750 --> 01:20:31,646 remember 'til now. 1572 01:20:31,670 --> 01:20:33,186 - Nobody does that. 1573 01:20:33,210 --> 01:20:35,406 Like, people don't stay friends like that. 1574 01:20:35,430 --> 01:20:37,904 - You very rarely get to have a person 1575 01:20:37,928 --> 01:20:41,386 who knows all the shitty things you've said 1576 01:20:41,410 --> 01:20:44,636 and all the shitty things you've done and loves you still. 1577 01:20:44,660 --> 01:20:45,660 - That's a song. 1578 01:20:46,820 --> 01:20:48,205 - Which one? 1579 01:20:48,229 --> 01:20:49,629 - "All The Things She Said." 1580 01:20:51,129 --> 01:20:52,397 - (laughing) Is that T.A.t.U.?! 1581 01:20:54,069 --> 01:20:57,069 (drum circle music) 1582 01:21:02,900 --> 01:21:05,485 - Walk over? - I don't know. 1583 01:21:05,509 --> 01:21:07,842 That's what I did last time. 1584 01:21:10,309 --> 01:21:13,809 (upbeat, emotional music) 1585 01:21:45,730 --> 01:21:48,542 - Having him in my life has been so important. 1586 01:21:48,566 --> 01:21:51,746 We are so strongly connected in that weird way. 1587 01:21:51,770 --> 01:21:53,876 The best thing of knowing him for 30 years 1588 01:21:53,900 --> 01:21:55,476 is that connection. 1589 01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:58,423 Like, we just always were. 1590 01:21:59,547 --> 01:22:02,964 (upbeat music continues)