WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:00.715 --> 00:00:03.298 (car rumbling) 2 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:07.813 --> 00:00:10.396 (lawnmower rumbling) 4 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:10.420 --> 00:00:12.546 - I feel like she was a like really big part of, like, 6 00:00:12.570 --> 00:00:15.170 like an expression. Like it was like a... 7 00:00:16.074 --> 00:00:18.916 When my mom would clean, like she would 8 00:00:18.940 --> 00:00:21.396 listen to everything, like, uh what is it? 9 00:00:21.420 --> 00:00:24.966 Bryan Adams, Def Leppard, Van Halen, like the whole nine. 10 00:00:24.990 --> 00:00:29.270 But it was like, uh Carol King was the first one on. 11 00:00:29.294 --> 00:00:30.444 And so it was like a... 12 00:00:31.413 --> 00:00:34.526 I don't know, it was like the perfect start. 13 00:00:34.550 --> 00:00:37.546 'Cause all the songs, like they're about love 14 00:00:37.570 --> 00:00:38.676 but empowerment at the same time. 15 00:00:38.700 --> 00:00:40.116 They're about like, 16 00:00:40.140 --> 00:00:42.732 missing someone and she knows that she 17 00:00:42.756 --> 00:00:45.156 can do good without them but she just wishes that 18 00:00:45.180 --> 00:00:46.385 they were there. 19 00:00:46.409 --> 00:00:48.026 So it's where you're showing your femininity but your 20 00:00:48.050 --> 00:00:49.236 strength at the same time. 21 00:00:49.260 --> 00:00:51.220 It's such, I get chills. Like I... 22 00:00:52.950 --> 00:00:55.236 It's such a, it's good. 23 00:00:55.260 --> 00:00:57.646 She's just amazing. 24 00:00:57.670 --> 00:01:00.766 Just like she's doing what she has to do, she's letting you 25 00:01:00.790 --> 00:01:02.966 know like she loves you, but fuck you. 26 00:01:02.990 --> 00:01:04.833 I gotta, I gotta do me. 27 00:01:07.071 --> 00:01:08.049 I'm gonna miss you though. 28 00:01:08.073 --> 00:01:09.073 I love that. 29 00:01:10.596 --> 00:01:13.846 It's the one thing about being a woman that like, that's 30 00:01:13.870 --> 00:01:14.717 how I knew. 31 00:01:14.741 --> 00:01:18.956 There was no way, like as much as of a bitch as I am, 32 00:01:18.980 --> 00:01:22.496 the amount of compassion I can hold for someone. 33 00:01:22.520 --> 00:01:25.856 Like not that men can't hold compassion, it's just not a 34 00:01:25.880 --> 00:01:29.348 natural instinct and my natural instinct is to feel, 35 00:01:29.372 --> 00:01:30.182 is to be that way. 36 00:01:30.206 --> 00:01:34.523 I hate to let people know that but that's just me. 37 00:01:36.097 --> 00:01:39.174 And that's what this is, teaching you about being 38 00:01:39.198 --> 00:01:41.683 compassionate and being strong at the same time. 39 00:01:43.130 --> 00:01:45.523 While doing so, that's beautiful. 40 00:01:53.934 --> 00:01:56.767 (traffic humming) 41 00:02:13.660 --> 00:02:14.660 - You can lie down. 42 00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:18.443 Hi. All right. 43 00:02:19.900 --> 00:02:21.666 Lie down. Lie down. 44 00:02:21.690 --> 00:02:24.343 Good boy. Relax. 45 00:02:27.115 --> 00:02:28.773 (grunts) All right. 46 00:02:29.880 --> 00:02:30.880 Just stay. 47 00:02:31.690 --> 00:02:34.076 I was going to sell it because I started to get pissed off 48 00:02:34.100 --> 00:02:36.438 that every time something broke 49 00:02:36.462 --> 00:02:39.276 I brought it to them to fix it 50 00:02:39.300 --> 00:02:42.918 but 'cause I don't want to do that. 51 00:02:42.942 --> 00:02:45.423 I want to be able to fix it myself but I don't know how to. 52 00:02:50.020 --> 00:02:52.523 I don't think that I was supposed to take that out. 53 00:02:54.542 --> 00:02:58.976 Fuck! 54 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:01.506 This one looks clogged! 55 00:03:01.530 --> 00:03:03.786 My dad had the same moped though. 56 00:03:03.810 --> 00:03:07.286 When my mom was like 15 her boyfriend broke up with her 57 00:03:07.310 --> 00:03:12.016 and my dad was in love with her 58 00:03:12.040 --> 00:03:13.936 and so he made her a chocolate cake 59 00:03:13.960 --> 00:03:16.160 and rode it over on his moped with one hand. 60 00:03:19.260 --> 00:03:21.260 If it starts that's gonna be really fun. 61 00:03:23.920 --> 00:03:25.503 Okay. No, it's not that. 62 00:03:27.038 --> 00:03:29.266 So it's another fuckin' thing. 63 00:03:29.290 --> 00:03:31.356 Plink's sad 'cause he wanted to put on his goggles and get 64 00:03:31.380 --> 00:03:32.380 in the sidecar. 65 00:03:35.699 --> 00:03:38.282 (grunts) Okay. 66 00:03:40.333 --> 00:03:43.106 When I was probably like, I must have 67 00:03:43.130 --> 00:03:45.019 been like seven. 68 00:03:45.043 --> 00:03:48.886 And I really wanted short hair so I went and I cut the sides 69 00:03:48.910 --> 00:03:52.096 of my hair, just like really really really really short 70 00:03:52.120 --> 00:03:55.866 with scissors and I knew immediately, I was like uh oh. 71 00:03:55.890 --> 00:03:57.196 Shouldn't have done that. 72 00:03:57.220 --> 00:04:00.596 And so my mom was like "What happened?" 73 00:04:00.620 --> 00:04:03.756 so I made up a crazy story, well actually it's really funny. 74 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:06.608 I was young so, I actually must have been younger. 75 00:04:06.632 --> 00:04:08.496 We'll go with seven. 76 00:04:08.520 --> 00:04:10.306 I told her "Oh, I must have cancer." 77 00:04:10.330 --> 00:04:13.206 'Cause I knew when you have cancer you lose your hair 78 00:04:13.230 --> 00:04:16.076 so I wanted her to not know that I was the one who tried 79 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:18.846 to have like a boys hair cut so I told her, 80 00:04:18.870 --> 00:04:22.496 like in my head I was like, "Oh, I'll pretend my hair's 81 00:04:22.520 --> 00:04:24.670 falling, like my hair will be falling out." 82 00:04:27.170 --> 00:04:28.446 She was like, "You don't have cancer. 83 00:04:28.470 --> 00:04:30.426 That's not how that works. 84 00:04:30.450 --> 00:04:31.600 You cut your own hair." 85 00:04:33.590 --> 00:04:36.944 - I feel like there's so many Yaya stories 86 00:04:36.968 --> 00:04:39.366 of our childhood. 87 00:04:39.390 --> 00:04:40.730 Once we're together... 88 00:04:44.010 --> 00:04:45.010 We can't stop. 89 00:04:46.350 --> 00:04:49.100 (swelling music) 90 00:04:51.340 --> 00:04:53.646 I met her she just turned two, so I was three. 91 00:04:53.670 --> 00:04:54.986 I was I think just with my dad. 92 00:04:55.010 --> 00:04:56.416 We were in the backyard 93 00:04:56.440 --> 00:04:57.526 and then there was like a little chain 94 00:04:57.550 --> 00:05:01.626 fence and she was on the other side with her Uncle Timmy. 95 00:05:01.650 --> 00:05:04.806 And I just remember coming up to the fence and I don't even 96 00:05:04.830 --> 00:05:07.616 think we talked. I just remember like, staring. 97 00:05:07.640 --> 00:05:10.526 And then we just were like, all right let's play. 98 00:05:10.550 --> 00:05:12.286 And we just played every day. 99 00:05:12.310 --> 00:05:15.036 The first time she comes over to my house, she came in, 100 00:05:15.060 --> 00:05:17.956 my mom was like "It's like she knew exactly where to go," 101 00:05:17.980 --> 00:05:21.266 goes into my mom's closet, puts on my mom's high heels 102 00:05:21.290 --> 00:05:24.586 and just comes out tromping around in her high heels 103 00:05:24.610 --> 00:05:25.420 the first time we met. 104 00:05:25.444 --> 00:05:27.581 And I was like, "All right, I guess this is how 105 00:05:27.605 --> 00:05:28.957 this is going." 106 00:05:30.080 --> 00:05:32.936 We would play house, but it was great 'cause like she 107 00:05:32.960 --> 00:05:35.376 would be the mom, I'd be the dad. 108 00:05:35.400 --> 00:05:38.259 We had no problems. It was just like, you know... 109 00:05:38.283 --> 00:05:40.786 living out our little freak lives. 110 00:05:40.810 --> 00:05:41.813 Kids. Great. 111 00:05:45.890 --> 00:05:47.676 - There was these boys up the street. 112 00:05:47.700 --> 00:05:49.356 Collins kids. 113 00:05:49.380 --> 00:05:51.566 And you know, they always like picked fights. 114 00:05:51.590 --> 00:05:52.467 They were bad. 115 00:05:52.491 --> 00:05:55.836 And I would beat them up 'cause I just didn't care 116 00:05:55.860 --> 00:05:56.747 and I could. 117 00:05:56.771 --> 00:06:01.770 But this one day I was in the house by myself and I had 118 00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:04.916 lipstick on and a sheet wrapped around me, like playing. 119 00:06:04.940 --> 00:06:07.536 The one kid Matt Collins could see me 120 00:06:07.560 --> 00:06:10.766 putting on the lipstick and he started laughing 121 00:06:10.790 --> 00:06:12.916 and called me a faggot. 122 00:06:12.940 --> 00:06:14.556 My dad had a gun cabinet. 123 00:06:14.580 --> 00:06:16.806 He could see in the window that the gun was there and I 124 00:06:16.830 --> 00:06:20.786 went like this... That's all I did. 125 00:06:20.810 --> 00:06:23.436 My Uncle Jackie was standing in Jack's backyard 126 00:06:23.460 --> 00:06:26.344 watching me and told my mother. 127 00:06:26.368 --> 00:06:27.576 And that was the only time she hit me. 128 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.853 Like, she took my head and slammed it into my closet door. 129 00:06:32.410 --> 00:06:37.180 My fantasy was to be long-haired stupid gown... 130 00:06:38.470 --> 00:06:39.736 I just wanted that. 131 00:06:39.760 --> 00:06:41.743 I knew then that's what it was. 132 00:06:44.688 --> 00:06:47.771 (people chattering) 133 00:06:50.810 --> 00:06:52.765 - Jack, I'm trying to get you in the camera and 134 00:06:52.789 --> 00:06:54.456 you're running away. 135 00:06:55.371 --> 00:06:57.288 All you need is makeup. 136 00:07:02.613 --> 00:07:03.846 - I don't know. 137 00:07:03.870 --> 00:07:06.586 Maybe in my head they didn't say you can't have short hair 138 00:07:06.610 --> 00:07:08.496 but I just thought I couldn't. 139 00:07:08.520 --> 00:07:12.406 They also like, got me everything I asked for for Christmas 140 00:07:12.430 --> 00:07:17.430 of football stuff, and they knew I wanted to do karate. 141 00:07:17.870 --> 00:07:19.396 I don't know they didn't stop me from doing 142 00:07:19.420 --> 00:07:21.623 other gendered things. 143 00:07:22.610 --> 00:07:24.210 - You gotta practice your kicks. 144 00:07:28.224 --> 00:07:29.499 - Ooh! I wanna play with Daddy with this. 145 00:07:29.523 --> 00:07:30.923 I'll hit him over his head with it. 146 00:07:31.310 --> 00:07:32.956 - I didn't really know that I wanted to be a boy. 147 00:07:32.980 --> 00:07:36.820 I knew that like, I wanted to be married to a woman... 148 00:07:37.970 --> 00:07:41.576 and then I remember thinking, "This is wrong and I need 149 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:44.906 to fix this." Even then. 150 00:07:44.930 --> 00:07:47.046 I was like, "This is not okay. I need to change this. 151 00:07:47.070 --> 00:07:49.546 This is gonna be problems for me." 152 00:07:49.570 --> 00:07:54.570 I asked my grandmother one day when Rosie O'Donnell came 153 00:07:55.230 --> 00:07:56.466 out as gay. 154 00:07:56.490 --> 00:07:57.596 So whatever year that was. 155 00:07:57.620 --> 00:07:59.176 I said... 156 00:07:59.200 --> 00:08:01.600 She used to watch the Rosie O'Donnell Show a lot 157 00:08:02.939 --> 00:08:05.866 and she liked her and when she came out as gay 158 00:08:05.890 --> 00:08:10.135 I remember sitting on the porch with my grandmother. 159 00:08:10.159 --> 00:08:12.077 I was reading the newspaper. 160 00:08:12.101 --> 00:08:14.236 I don't know whenever Rosie came out. 161 00:08:14.260 --> 00:08:17.686 '97 or something like that? Maybe before then. 162 00:08:17.710 --> 00:08:22.710 And I was like, "I'm gonna ask my grandmother how she feels 163 00:08:23.220 --> 00:08:28.046 about this to see like, if she'll love me still. 164 00:08:28.070 --> 00:08:29.116 For anything." 165 00:08:29.140 --> 00:08:33.196 And I was like, "Oh so how do you feel 166 00:08:33.220 --> 00:08:35.086 about Rosie O'Donnell being gay?" 167 00:08:35.110 --> 00:08:37.383 And my grandmother just looks at me and is like, 168 00:08:37.407 --> 00:08:38.846 "I don't care. 169 00:08:38.870 --> 00:08:40.786 I think like whoever she wants to love she can love." 170 00:08:40.810 --> 00:08:44.736 And then I remember saying, this is actually really funny. 171 00:08:44.760 --> 00:08:46.340 I was like, "I don't get... 172 00:08:47.210 --> 00:08:49.736 Why does Rosie O'Donnell then, 173 00:08:49.760 --> 00:08:52.806 think Tom Cruise is a cutie patootie?" 174 00:08:52.830 --> 00:08:54.533 Remember she always used to say that? 175 00:08:54.557 --> 00:08:58.286 "How can she think he's cute if she likes women?" 176 00:08:58.310 --> 00:09:00.253 And my grandmother just being like, 177 00:09:00.277 --> 00:09:04.787 "Oh well the world doesn't want you to see that." 178 00:09:05.930 --> 00:09:07.157 And I was like, "Oh." 179 00:09:08.021 --> 00:09:09.136 She was like, "So she hides it. 180 00:09:09.160 --> 00:09:12.131 And so she says that he's this so that other people will 181 00:09:12.155 --> 00:09:14.207 will like her still." 182 00:09:15.599 --> 00:09:18.674 And I was like, "Oh this is gonna be a hard... 183 00:09:18.698 --> 00:09:20.615 This is gonna be hard." 184 00:09:32.220 --> 00:09:37.220 - I'm going home to see my family and that includes Yaya 185 00:09:37.290 --> 00:09:40.466 and we get to all hang out and spend Fourth of July together 186 00:09:40.490 --> 00:09:44.076 and hopefully do some family time, lots of cooking. 187 00:09:44.100 --> 00:09:46.476 Lots of partying. 188 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:49.677 More partying than cooking. (laughing) 189 00:09:49.701 --> 00:09:51.703 Plinko's really excited 'cause he knows where we're going. 190 00:09:51.727 --> 00:09:53.084 Plinko! Plinko! 191 00:09:53.108 --> 00:09:55.163 We're going to see your grandpa and Yaya! 192 00:09:55.187 --> 00:09:57.666 (Plinko excitedly cries) Say "Yaya!" 193 00:09:57.690 --> 00:09:59.443 - I'm gonna stay with my Dad. 194 00:10:00.590 --> 00:10:02.486 My Dad and his girlfriend Pam. 195 00:10:02.510 --> 00:10:05.446 And yea, it's the house I grew up in and it's 196 00:10:05.470 --> 00:10:07.286 next door to Yaya. 197 00:10:07.310 --> 00:10:12.310 So she is hopefully off some days so we can spend some time 198 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:16.336 together and recently trying to change her name. 199 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:19.146 Trying to help her out with going through that process 200 00:10:19.170 --> 00:10:20.696 because it's been easier for me, 201 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:23.116 here in Massachusetts, than her. 202 00:10:23.140 --> 00:10:27.496 And she has a lot going on in her life and I know that will 203 00:10:27.520 --> 00:10:30.567 really help her out because every time I go home if we go 204 00:10:30.591 --> 00:10:34.306 shopping or something and she uses her card I know she feels 205 00:10:34.330 --> 00:10:36.686 anxious 'cause it still says Christopher and if anyone 206 00:10:36.710 --> 00:10:38.076 asks she says, "Oh it's my boyfriend. 207 00:10:38.100 --> 00:10:39.726 Let me take the card out." 208 00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:44.167 And I just think it's time to like, to have her feel better. 209 00:10:45.391 --> 00:10:48.808 (chill, nostalgic music) 210 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:06.626 - Look at you, you handsome man! 211 00:11:06.650 --> 00:11:07.460 Oh my god! 212 00:11:07.484 --> 00:11:09.527 - I love that you have the Tony strut. 213 00:11:09.551 --> 00:11:11.964 - Ow! I was in the pool. 214 00:11:11.988 --> 00:11:12.917 You're manly. 215 00:11:12.941 --> 00:11:15.228 You don't have to smack me like a man. 216 00:11:15.252 --> 00:11:18.160 Hi! How was your drive? 217 00:11:26.029 --> 00:11:28.196 - Tony! - What's dripping? 218 00:11:29.364 --> 00:11:31.935 - The air conditioning. What's up bud? 219 00:11:31.959 --> 00:11:33.193 - Smells like weed in here. 220 00:11:33.217 --> 00:11:35.028 - When doesn't it? 221 00:11:35.052 --> 00:11:36.532 - Oh Mitch is here and Eddie's there. 222 00:11:37.097 --> 00:11:38.670 Of course it will smell. 223 00:11:38.694 --> 00:11:40.694 - Hi. - Good to see you. 224 00:11:41.737 --> 00:11:44.487 - You should have been first you pregnant little bitch. 225 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:48.659 (chill music) 226 00:11:54.316 --> 00:11:57.399 (people chattering) 227 00:12:39.196 --> 00:12:41.946 (birds chirping) 228 00:12:50.390 --> 00:12:54.406 - My parents, they were living in an apartment and then 229 00:12:54.430 --> 00:12:56.936 they decided that they wanted to buy a house. 230 00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.380 So they borrowed money from my grandfather 231 00:13:00.732 --> 00:13:05.016 and they bought this house and on the, 232 00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:07.936 I think the day we moved in my Dad took me outside 233 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:11.656 to look at the backyard and next door there was a 234 00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:14.156 different fence but I remember you were with Uncle Timmy. 235 00:13:14.180 --> 00:13:18.788 - Basically to me, in a weird, weird way, Jack had the 236 00:13:18.812 --> 00:13:23.765 longer dark hair, resembled Tony, which had the Uncle Jessie 237 00:13:23.789 --> 00:13:26.376 brown curly mullet, you know, and the tan. 238 00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:29.826 - Back in the '80s. - And the blue eyes, you know. 239 00:13:29.850 --> 00:13:33.256 And Jack had that but Jack was my age so he had 240 00:13:33.280 --> 00:13:37.056 this like brave, fearless personality. 241 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:40.366 Like he wasn't scared of anything and he kinda 242 00:13:40.390 --> 00:13:41.503 just did stuff. 243 00:13:42.570 --> 00:13:45.706 - Yaya, she was so much fun to play with. 244 00:13:45.730 --> 00:13:47.276 To be honest, I think the reason why 245 00:13:47.300 --> 00:13:50.296 we were such good friends when we were younger 246 00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:53.993 is because of who we actually are today. 247 00:13:54.850 --> 00:13:59.850 I think that like, being younger and not having the words 248 00:14:01.260 --> 00:14:06.260 for how we felt inside I think we just acted it out 249 00:14:08.900 --> 00:14:10.063 by playing house. 250 00:14:11.460 --> 00:14:14.046 - When we were kids Jack and I would trade toys. 251 00:14:14.070 --> 00:14:17.286 There's actually a home video of Jack getting a Barbie 252 00:14:17.310 --> 00:14:19.860 mannequin head going, "Christopher will love this!" 253 00:14:20.809 --> 00:14:23.263 - (gasp) A Barbie style head! 254 00:14:24.767 --> 00:14:28.166 - Christopher will wanna play with that! 255 00:14:28.190 --> 00:14:29.936 - Like, Santa left it at the wrong house. 256 00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:32.843 I really was like, "Oh, what a mistake..." 257 00:14:33.887 --> 00:14:36.620 - Do you like what your sister got you? 258 00:14:36.644 --> 00:14:39.046 - Yea. Thanks Trace! 259 00:14:39.070 --> 00:14:43.096 - I think we both were wise and broad for our own age 260 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:44.846 if that makes any weird sense. 261 00:14:44.870 --> 00:14:46.966 Because thinking about it now there were things that we 262 00:14:46.990 --> 00:14:48.846 shouldn't have known and things we shouldn't have done and 263 00:14:48.870 --> 00:14:51.256 things we shouldn't have thought about but we did and we had 264 00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:53.658 these feelings as if our souls were old 265 00:14:53.682 --> 00:14:56.006 and knew each other and had met again. 266 00:14:56.030 --> 00:14:56.857 - That's true. 267 00:14:56.881 --> 00:14:59.076 - And it took and it us to turn around and go, 268 00:14:59.100 --> 00:15:02.246 actually it took him to say, well, you're gay and... 269 00:15:02.270 --> 00:15:04.546 - No I said, "I'm gay and you are too." 270 00:15:04.570 --> 00:15:06.606 - No, you said, "You're gay and so am I." 271 00:15:06.630 --> 00:15:08.706 Basically like you came out afterwards. 272 00:15:08.730 --> 00:15:11.516 You like made sure that I was first, to then say 273 00:15:11.540 --> 00:15:13.498 that you were. To see my reaction. 274 00:15:13.522 --> 00:15:15.316 - We were sitting in my car and I thought I had figured out 275 00:15:15.340 --> 00:15:16.676 what was wrong with us. 276 00:15:16.700 --> 00:15:19.106 I was like, I, I got it! 277 00:15:19.130 --> 00:15:23.073 I know why we're such freaks. (chuckles) 278 00:15:28.130 --> 00:15:30.333 - I knew it would work out. 279 00:15:31.389 --> 00:15:34.522 I don't know how I knew but I knew. (laughs) 280 00:15:34.546 --> 00:15:36.639 Well, I guess I didn't have a choice but yeah I knew it 281 00:15:36.663 --> 00:15:37.663 was the right thing. 282 00:15:38.509 --> 00:15:40.183 Even though I knew I was too young. 283 00:15:41.287 --> 00:15:42.456 You know, 18 years old all my friends were going to the 284 00:15:42.480 --> 00:15:43.983 prom and I was pregnant. 285 00:15:44.007 --> 00:15:47.160 Going on the senior trip... 286 00:15:48.630 --> 00:15:52.273 but I didn't care. I missed it, oh well. (laughs) 287 00:15:53.160 --> 00:15:55.993 Tony and I had a conversation, something like, 288 00:15:56.017 --> 00:15:58.733 "Oh, what do you think? Our oldest is gay. 289 00:16:00.450 --> 00:16:04.343 Like, almost as a challenge to see what I thought. 290 00:16:07.149 --> 00:16:09.525 - She's getting married too. 291 00:16:09.549 --> 00:16:13.299 She's part of it, right? Thank you everybody. 292 00:16:15.623 --> 00:16:17.516 - She didn't wear it very long. 293 00:16:17.540 --> 00:16:19.266 - I came out to my mom first. 294 00:16:19.290 --> 00:16:20.533 It didn't go so great. 295 00:16:22.140 --> 00:16:23.596 My mom said, it's rough, 296 00:16:23.620 --> 00:16:25.796 and I knew she probably feels embarrassed. 297 00:16:25.820 --> 00:16:28.686 She said, "I've never been more disappointed in you." 298 00:16:28.710 --> 00:16:30.836 So, that wasn't good. 299 00:16:30.860 --> 00:16:32.226 That was not a good response. 300 00:16:32.250 --> 00:16:34.586 But I already was like, if she doesn't like it, 301 00:16:34.610 --> 00:16:36.966 I'm running away, you know? 302 00:16:36.990 --> 00:16:40.296 And my mom just takes a long time to come around. 303 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.653 But then when she's around, she's good. 304 00:16:43.930 --> 00:16:46.156 I didn't think my Dad was closed-minded. 305 00:16:46.180 --> 00:16:48.166 I don't know why I was scared to tell him. 306 00:16:48.190 --> 00:16:53.190 But, I come home from a fight with my first girlfriend, 307 00:16:54.350 --> 00:16:55.237 Lindsey. 308 00:16:55.261 --> 00:16:58.386 I see my Dad in his tighty whities in the hallway just 309 00:16:58.410 --> 00:17:00.516 coming into the living room. He's like, "Jack! 310 00:17:00.540 --> 00:17:02.706 What are you do " No, " What the fuck are you doing, 311 00:17:02.730 --> 00:17:03.806 why are you home so late?" 312 00:17:03.830 --> 00:17:06.046 And then at first he was mad at me 313 00:17:06.070 --> 00:17:07.176 and then when he saw my face 314 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:08.946 he had seen I was crying I guess. 315 00:17:08.970 --> 00:17:10.189 And he's like, "Are you okay? 316 00:17:10.213 --> 00:17:11.886 Are you in trouble with the law?" 317 00:17:11.910 --> 00:17:13.176 And I was like, "No." 318 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:14.983 And then the next thing he said was, 319 00:17:15.007 --> 00:17:17.226 "Are you and Lindsey fighting?" 320 00:17:17.250 --> 00:17:22.250 And so I knew he knew the, you know, dynamics of our 321 00:17:22.560 --> 00:17:25.456 relationship and then I'm hugging him 322 00:17:25.480 --> 00:17:27.499 and he's just like, "What's up?" 323 00:17:27.523 --> 00:17:30.046 And I'm like, "Well Dad, me and Lindsey aren't just 324 00:17:30.070 --> 00:17:33.536 friends," and he goes, "Oh baby, I knew that. 325 00:17:33.560 --> 00:17:35.256 You didn't have to tell me." 326 00:17:35.280 --> 00:17:37.836 He was like, "Well, let me make you some tea." 327 00:17:37.860 --> 00:17:41.446 So like at two in the morning on a Wednesday, 328 00:17:41.470 --> 00:17:43.953 we're just like sitting in the kitchen having tea. 329 00:17:45.393 --> 00:17:50.393 (belly flop splash) (Tony laughs) 330 00:17:58.991 --> 00:18:01.158 (giggles) 331 00:18:04.300 --> 00:18:05.350 - This club is great. 332 00:18:06.450 --> 00:18:09.796 The shit that used to happen was nuts! 333 00:18:09.820 --> 00:18:12.276 I don't know the guys were always just fun. 334 00:18:12.300 --> 00:18:14.443 Like we would do, it was like fun. 335 00:18:19.640 --> 00:18:22.690 Well I think it was a bunch of young kids back in the day. 336 00:18:22.714 --> 00:18:24.696 They drove down the woods... 337 00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:27.046 This place has been here since '49. 338 00:18:27.070 --> 00:18:30.486 For me, when there's kids here, like family picnic, 339 00:18:30.510 --> 00:18:32.456 I don't even pay attention to the adults anymore. 340 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:35.016 I'm all into kids having fun, jumping into the lake. 341 00:18:35.040 --> 00:18:37.466 I want them to experience the club. 342 00:18:37.490 --> 00:18:40.431 I think our main goal is "To have fun." 343 00:18:40.455 --> 00:18:43.366 Right here, my Dad's brother, Uncle Howard, who's 344 00:18:43.390 --> 00:18:44.376 on my dresser. 345 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:45.666 They said he had a heart attack 346 00:18:45.690 --> 00:18:49.753 but I think he died of AIDS and nobody really told us. 347 00:18:49.777 --> 00:18:52.646 "Gay" was always in our family. 348 00:18:52.670 --> 00:18:54.406 So I've never had an issue with it. 349 00:18:54.430 --> 00:18:57.359 I've grown up with my uncle he's, best motherfucker you 350 00:18:57.383 --> 00:18:58.766 ever wanna meet. 351 00:18:58.790 --> 00:19:02.516 But as far as "transgender," that didn't come 352 00:19:02.540 --> 00:19:03.826 for a while later. 353 00:19:03.850 --> 00:19:05.556 The one thing as a parent that I've 354 00:19:05.580 --> 00:19:07.893 always thought was, "Never judge your kids." 355 00:19:07.917 --> 00:19:11.909 Whatever they do, as long as they don't effin' kill somebody 356 00:19:11.933 --> 00:19:15.343 or rob somebody or hurt somebody, then they're fine. 357 00:19:16.680 --> 00:19:18.330 Same body, same head... 358 00:19:20.034 --> 00:19:21.933 Same person I know. 359 00:19:23.700 --> 00:19:27.596 Jack can say, "Dad, I'm sorry I'm a transgender alien 360 00:19:27.620 --> 00:19:30.976 from fuckin' Egypt, " and I'll go, " Where? 361 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:33.327 Egypt? It's a little hot there isn't it?" 362 00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:39.236 And we'll be okay. I love my kids. 363 00:19:39.260 --> 00:19:41.276 - I didn't know you had a doctorate. 364 00:19:41.300 --> 00:19:43.376 - Doctorate? What's a doctorate? 365 00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:45.434 - To be a behavioralist!? 366 00:19:45.458 --> 00:19:46.746 - Behavioralist? What's a behavioralist!? 367 00:19:46.770 --> 00:19:47.770 - Exactly. 368 00:19:49.070 --> 00:19:50.869 - I done raised two kids. 369 00:19:50.893 --> 00:19:52.276 - Barely. 370 00:19:52.300 --> 00:19:55.323 Fucked up. (Jack laughs) 371 00:19:58.180 --> 00:20:00.386 - I've never steered you the wrong way. 372 00:20:00.410 --> 00:20:03.260 If you ever think I did, you let me know. 373 00:20:04.151 --> 00:20:06.671 - I'll get a pen and paper. 374 00:20:06.695 --> 00:20:08.066 - Pam, get a pen and paper! 375 00:20:08.090 --> 00:20:10.453 - I'd rather type it. 376 00:20:10.477 --> 00:20:11.477 - Type it! 377 00:20:15.255 --> 00:20:16.436 - He's way more comfortable in himself. 378 00:20:16.460 --> 00:20:19.130 He doesn't give a shit who's around and says, "That's bad." 379 00:20:19.154 --> 00:20:21.226 He's Jack! 380 00:20:21.250 --> 00:20:24.456 He's my son I always wanted and had. 381 00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:27.803 Look at him! Beautiful person. Yea. 382 00:20:32.670 --> 00:20:33.670 Cut! 383 00:20:37.230 --> 00:20:39.980 (birds chirping) 384 00:20:41.290 --> 00:20:43.156 - And during the week it was just basically like, 385 00:20:43.180 --> 00:20:45.386 do your homework, weekends were- 386 00:20:45.410 --> 00:20:46.406 - Party. 387 00:20:46.430 --> 00:20:47.866 - We're gonna have a party. We're gonna- 388 00:20:47.890 --> 00:20:49.210 - You stay out of our hair. - Yea. 389 00:20:50.732 --> 00:20:52.643 - Younger - Look! A porno movie. 390 00:20:54.650 --> 00:20:57.116 Why don't get to bed so you ain't late for work again, man. 391 00:20:57.140 --> 00:21:00.496 You can't lose this job! 392 00:21:00.520 --> 00:21:03.663 - First you grab the hat, then you twist the hat, 393 00:21:04.972 --> 00:21:08.571 then you turn the hat, then you slam the hat. 394 00:21:08.595 --> 00:21:09.712 - Then you drink a Budweiser! 395 00:21:09.736 --> 00:21:12.743 - Then you make sure it's a starter hat. (Tony laughs) 396 00:21:14.814 --> 00:21:16.024 - Don't do that! 397 00:21:16.048 --> 00:21:18.406 We're gonna get dizzy when we watch this! 398 00:21:18.430 --> 00:21:20.946 - We partied with them. And then they would get mad at us. 399 00:21:20.970 --> 00:21:22.763 And it was bedtime after that. 400 00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:25.960 - What time is it? 401 00:21:26.943 --> 00:21:27.943 - 10:00. 402 00:21:29.168 --> 00:21:31.719 - Why don't you go to bed? 403 00:21:31.743 --> 00:21:33.842 - Where are you going? 404 00:21:33.866 --> 00:21:34.866 - Who? 405 00:21:49.150 --> 00:21:51.376 - It was like a mirrored image. 406 00:21:51.400 --> 00:21:54.176 Jo Ann was like set on making a career 407 00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:55.010 and a thing for herself 408 00:21:55.034 --> 00:21:56.766 and Tony got up every day and worked for a township and 409 00:21:56.790 --> 00:21:58.056 had great benefits. 410 00:21:58.080 --> 00:22:02.526 On my side, my Dad was barely making nine dollars an hour 411 00:22:02.550 --> 00:22:04.916 and my mom, she was on her way 412 00:22:04.940 --> 00:22:06.256 to get her own cleaning business 413 00:22:06.280 --> 00:22:09.506 for a short amount of time before she had her nervous 414 00:22:09.530 --> 00:22:11.286 breakdown after having my youngest 415 00:22:11.310 --> 00:22:14.846 sibling and like, lost herself. 416 00:22:14.870 --> 00:22:18.053 So, here you had this like, sense of stability and over here 417 00:22:18.077 --> 00:22:19.743 it was like, chaotic. 418 00:22:25.260 --> 00:22:27.743 - It didn't necessarily provide us with the, 419 00:22:27.767 --> 00:22:30.833 "You're going to be set later on in life" type of deal. 420 00:22:39.720 --> 00:22:42.405 - Well I always thought she was gonna be a girl. 421 00:22:42.429 --> 00:22:47.429 I was really surprised that she was born a boy because I had 422 00:22:48.060 --> 00:22:49.973 nothing but feelings she was a girl. 423 00:22:51.157 --> 00:22:53.626 We go back I have a lot of gay people in my family. 424 00:22:53.650 --> 00:22:56.006 My grandmother didn't say they were gay, she would 425 00:22:56.030 --> 00:22:57.176 say they're funny. 426 00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:01.253 Chris used to get beat up in school, he did for being gay. 427 00:23:02.940 --> 00:23:07.940 And I said to him "Well, I can't believe that you 428 00:23:08.360 --> 00:23:09.360 don't believe it. 429 00:23:10.210 --> 00:23:12.460 You should have known this was gonna happen." 430 00:23:13.390 --> 00:23:14.849 I said, "Don't sit there and take any shit. 431 00:23:14.873 --> 00:23:16.496 I don't care what you have to do. 432 00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:18.420 You don't take any shit from anybody." 433 00:23:19.410 --> 00:23:24.410 It's hard to understand to some people and I really like, 434 00:23:24.900 --> 00:23:27.963 if you have a hard time, then put yourself in that place. 435 00:23:28.930 --> 00:23:30.040 You know, just... 436 00:23:31.250 --> 00:23:33.036 Just for an hour. 437 00:23:33.060 --> 00:23:35.880 My brothers and sisters were... 438 00:23:37.121 --> 00:23:39.456 (smacks lips) Didn't know how to act. 439 00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:40.936 Around me. 440 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:43.776 Because they know that if they said something wrong I'd be 441 00:23:43.800 --> 00:23:44.950 on them like... 442 00:23:47.090 --> 00:23:48.416 A screaming eagle. 443 00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:51.116 They don't wanna talk about it in front of me. 444 00:23:51.140 --> 00:23:56.140 Because we were raised very strict Catholics and um, 445 00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:59.153 I had a hard time accepting it. 446 00:23:59.177 --> 00:24:01.696 And I worry still today. 447 00:24:01.720 --> 00:24:04.287 You know, uh, "Where's he gonna go when he dies?" 448 00:24:05.260 --> 00:24:06.493 Bothers me a lot. 449 00:24:07.340 --> 00:24:09.486 I don't see anything wrong with it first of all, 450 00:24:09.510 --> 00:24:10.656 I'm not God. 451 00:24:10.680 --> 00:24:12.186 You know? 452 00:24:12.210 --> 00:24:14.056 I don't know what He has in mind 453 00:24:14.080 --> 00:24:14.967 and I don't believe He's gonna 454 00:24:14.991 --> 00:24:19.990 throw somebody in hell for uh, doing what comes natural. 455 00:24:20.730 --> 00:24:23.136 I couldn't ask for better kids. 456 00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:26.306 They go out of their way to do anything for anybody. 457 00:24:26.330 --> 00:24:29.873 I think the hardest part is over now. 458 00:24:29.897 --> 00:24:32.796 It was coming out and letting everybody know and not being 459 00:24:32.820 --> 00:24:34.033 ashamed of who you are. 460 00:24:35.300 --> 00:24:39.856 So I think it's gonna be smooth sailing from now on. 461 00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:43.586 (clock continuously chimes) And Chris does not 462 00:24:43.610 --> 00:24:44.753 take any crap. 463 00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:48.816 (crickets chirping) 464 00:24:48.840 --> 00:24:51.430 - But it was just like, you know... 465 00:24:52.510 --> 00:24:54.766 drag was my outlet 466 00:24:54.790 --> 00:24:57.826 and that's when I first started practicing 467 00:24:57.850 --> 00:25:01.157 my makeup to get better and I realized that that was a thing 468 00:25:01.181 --> 00:25:02.696 I was like, "Oh this is what I am. 469 00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:03.637 I'm a drag queen. 470 00:25:03.661 --> 00:25:07.206 This makes me happy and then I started like, Googling and 471 00:25:07.230 --> 00:25:08.766 looking up different performers 472 00:25:08.790 --> 00:25:11.152 who had their surgeries and I 473 00:25:11.176 --> 00:25:14.696 was just like, "Oh, so you can actually do that." 474 00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:16.426 - I had a friend, he was like, "You gotta come 475 00:25:16.450 --> 00:25:19.196 to this drag show." And I was scared of drag queens. 476 00:25:19.220 --> 00:25:21.386 Literally, I was like, "I don't know that I would want 477 00:25:21.410 --> 00:25:22.936 to go to that." 478 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:26.143 So I went and then it became something where I was like, 479 00:25:26.167 --> 00:25:28.146 "Do you think, I wonder if I could do that." 480 00:25:28.170 --> 00:25:30.041 And then they were winning money 481 00:25:30.065 --> 00:25:31.406 and I was like, I could totally 482 00:25:31.430 --> 00:25:33.946 do three cartwheels into a split and win some money. 483 00:25:33.970 --> 00:25:38.841 So then I performed and I won, the first time I performed. 484 00:25:38.865 --> 00:25:41.186 Which in turn inspired Yaya. 485 00:25:41.210 --> 00:25:43.696 She was like, "I think I could do that too." 486 00:25:43.720 --> 00:25:46.537 The very next Thursday, Yaya performed for the first 487 00:25:46.561 --> 00:25:49.993 time and did a Mariah Carey song and then, 488 00:25:50.017 --> 00:25:54.697 that's how Yaya was born but I was Sucha Dalight 489 00:25:54.721 --> 00:25:57.554 and then Yaya became Yaya Dalight. 490 00:26:11.840 --> 00:26:14.096 - Everywhere I went, I was in drag. 491 00:26:14.120 --> 00:26:15.656 If I went to the movies or the store 492 00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:16.766 I had to go with makeup. 493 00:26:16.790 --> 00:26:19.196 I couldn't just go as a boy. 494 00:26:19.220 --> 00:26:21.496 Like, I couldn't just go as Chris. 495 00:26:21.520 --> 00:26:24.863 She started doing the um, the dress up. 496 00:26:24.887 --> 00:26:26.986 The drag stuff. 497 00:26:27.010 --> 00:26:29.366 I thought it was, you know nice, 498 00:26:29.390 --> 00:26:30.990 and she really looked beautiful. 499 00:26:34.454 --> 00:26:38.816 But that was her way of being comfortable and I didn't know 500 00:26:38.840 --> 00:26:40.076 how serious she was. 501 00:26:40.100 --> 00:26:41.365 I thought it was... 502 00:26:41.389 --> 00:26:42.247 'cause she won a lot of contests. 503 00:26:42.271 --> 00:26:44.970 You know? And um... 504 00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:49.446 That's what I thought it was and for the fun. 505 00:26:49.470 --> 00:26:51.973 - Then eventually she said to us, 506 00:26:51.997 --> 00:26:55.017 "I think I'm gonna start wearing makeup to work. 507 00:26:55.041 --> 00:26:57.306 And start testing the waters." 508 00:26:57.330 --> 00:26:59.396 And we were like, "What do you mean?" 509 00:26:59.420 --> 00:27:02.136 Like, "What do you need to do that for?" 510 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:05.476 Being her gay brother, I was supposed to get 511 00:27:05.500 --> 00:27:08.156 it right away, without any questions. 512 00:27:08.180 --> 00:27:09.180 But I didn't. 513 00:27:09.900 --> 00:27:13.496 John, had said to me, "Oh so you're gonna be a tranny 514 00:27:13.520 --> 00:27:14.477 whore on the street?" 515 00:27:14.501 --> 00:27:16.716 and "You're gonna be one of those disgusting trannies." 516 00:27:16.740 --> 00:27:18.856 Because at the time, there was no education. 517 00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:19.690 I remember getting choked up. 518 00:27:19.714 --> 00:27:22.036 I was like, "I can't believe you said that to me. 519 00:27:22.060 --> 00:27:24.596 I didn't expect you to act like that." 520 00:27:24.620 --> 00:27:29.136 - It's almost like, it's okay that she's trans, 521 00:27:29.160 --> 00:27:31.106 it's okay that she's a she, 522 00:27:31.130 --> 00:27:35.106 but there was a Chris that we loved too. 523 00:27:35.130 --> 00:27:37.156 That we had to say goodbye to. 524 00:27:37.180 --> 00:27:40.246 As similar as the two people are, Chris had a different 525 00:27:40.270 --> 00:27:41.666 personality than Yaya. 526 00:27:41.690 --> 00:27:44.436 I used to dress Chris in my clothes as a boy. 527 00:27:44.460 --> 00:27:46.786 Like, when we would go out, like I would help Chris pick 528 00:27:46.810 --> 00:27:49.856 out outfits 'cause Chris was not really fashiony. 529 00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:54.880 But then Yaya is the Mariah Carey of South Jersey. 530 00:27:55.600 --> 00:27:58.736 The more everyone was just like, "Yes, Yaya! We love Yaya!" 531 00:27:58.760 --> 00:28:00.886 the more I was like, "Okay cool." 532 00:28:00.910 --> 00:28:03.993 I can be on board because I know she's okay. 533 00:28:05.290 --> 00:28:07.326 There was definitely times where I went back 534 00:28:07.350 --> 00:28:10.586 and said "I'm sorry for not just going with the 535 00:28:10.610 --> 00:28:13.656 flow like you expected me to be able to," 536 00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:14.903 'cause she deserves it. 537 00:28:15.928 --> 00:28:20.693 And we've never had real issues about it since then. 538 00:28:27.393 --> 00:28:29.167 Do you not want some? 539 00:28:29.191 --> 00:28:31.524 - No, I already put some on. 540 00:28:34.547 --> 00:28:39.366 - Hi! Is that Winnie the Pooh's ass? 541 00:28:39.390 --> 00:28:40.804 - Is it? 542 00:28:40.828 --> 00:28:41.928 - Oh he's honey-drunk. 543 00:28:43.750 --> 00:28:45.417 Muah. Okay let's go. 544 00:28:49.908 --> 00:28:52.825 (trunk slams shut) 545 00:29:01.451 --> 00:29:04.201 (water splashes) 546 00:29:19.367 --> 00:29:23.367 - Are you gonna wrap your fuckin' traps or what? 547 00:29:39.367 --> 00:29:41.200 - Yaya! It's a keeper! 548 00:29:47.068 --> 00:29:50.568 (Jack and Traci laughing) 549 00:29:53.026 --> 00:29:54.758 - If you can dangle the chicken over it 550 00:29:54.782 --> 00:29:57.376 it might grab the cigarette. 551 00:29:57.400 --> 00:30:00.438 I would just die with a crab with a cigarette 552 00:30:00.462 --> 00:30:01.427 in its little claw. 553 00:30:01.451 --> 00:30:02.527 You wanna see? 554 00:30:03.427 --> 00:30:05.663 This is what we usually catch. 555 00:30:09.634 --> 00:30:12.697 - You finally got your own cooking show. 556 00:30:12.721 --> 00:30:16.172 - Oh, yes! - In your dream kitchen. 557 00:30:16.196 --> 00:30:18.740 - In my dream kitchen. 558 00:30:20.634 --> 00:30:23.913 (People yelling at Plinko in background) 559 00:30:23.937 --> 00:30:25.853 - Are those 25 count? 560 00:30:27.170 --> 00:30:29.589 - Yaya, come eat a little shrimp off my nipple! 561 00:30:29.613 --> 00:30:32.696 (people chattering) 562 00:30:36.380 --> 00:30:38.156 - My family's always called me Jack. 563 00:30:38.180 --> 00:30:40.826 Only my Dad would call me Jacqueline, when he was 564 00:30:40.850 --> 00:30:42.686 screaming my name in the neighborhood when I wasn't 565 00:30:42.710 --> 00:30:44.566 coming home on time. 566 00:30:44.590 --> 00:30:45.636 My grandmother's good now. 567 00:30:45.660 --> 00:30:47.736 She does have a problem with pronouns so she 568 00:30:47.760 --> 00:30:49.046 just says "Jack". 569 00:30:49.070 --> 00:30:50.426 She has enough. 570 00:30:50.450 --> 00:30:55.346 My grandfather has Alzheimer's, so she just has enough. 571 00:30:55.370 --> 00:30:56.466 So I never feel bad with her. 572 00:30:56.490 --> 00:30:57.963 But I wrote her a letter just being like, 573 00:30:57.987 --> 00:30:59.126 "As long as you love 574 00:30:59.150 --> 00:31:02.626 me I don't care what pronouns you use." 575 00:31:02.650 --> 00:31:04.453 They're making a little movie! 576 00:31:06.077 --> 00:31:07.077 That's all. 577 00:31:09.080 --> 00:31:13.317 - This is it, this is Pop's closet, you know, thank you. 578 00:31:14.387 --> 00:31:15.197 - [Pop] It's heavy. 579 00:31:15.221 --> 00:31:16.243 - It's very heavy. 580 00:31:18.111 --> 00:31:21.320 - When I die you can have it. 581 00:31:21.344 --> 00:31:22.154 - Thank you. 582 00:31:22.178 --> 00:31:25.736 - I was in the military and I got most of my tattoos 583 00:31:25.760 --> 00:31:28.152 when I was in the military. 584 00:31:28.176 --> 00:31:31.035 This is a sign of the United States. 585 00:31:31.059 --> 00:31:35.356 Okay, the eagle represents the United States. 586 00:31:35.380 --> 00:31:38.876 - My uncle Ed's ex-wife is underneath that deer. 587 00:31:38.900 --> 00:31:40.466 - He never thought-you don't get 588 00:31:40.490 --> 00:31:43.053 other than family on ya. Ever. 589 00:31:43.970 --> 00:31:46.256 - I love the "Dolores is my life" tattoo. 590 00:31:46.280 --> 00:31:47.679 That's my favorite. 591 00:31:47.703 --> 00:31:48.716 - Well I like white roses. 592 00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:50.490 But he couldn't put white on there. 593 00:31:51.790 --> 00:31:53.453 That's my favorite white roses. 594 00:31:55.729 --> 00:31:57.881 - You got that tattoo the day I was born. 595 00:31:57.905 --> 00:31:58.715 - And when he came home the 596 00:31:58.739 --> 00:32:01.676 name was wrong, it wasn't J-A-C-Q-U-I-E, 597 00:32:01.700 --> 00:32:04.346 it was J-A-C-K-I-E. Jackie. 598 00:32:04.370 --> 00:32:05.370 Now it's right. 599 00:32:06.583 --> 00:32:07.993 - Yea. Pretty close. 600 00:32:08.900 --> 00:32:10.927 - Mm-hmm. - There you go. 601 00:32:10.951 --> 00:32:11.761 - Mm-hmm. 602 00:32:11.785 --> 00:32:15.289 He came home one night, drunk again and I was 603 00:32:15.313 --> 00:32:17.196 there with the kids, I was so angry. 604 00:32:17.220 --> 00:32:19.446 His jacket was hanging in a closet. 605 00:32:19.470 --> 00:32:23.616 And there was a gun in there and I just shot at the jacket. 606 00:32:23.640 --> 00:32:24.904 Boom! 607 00:32:24.928 --> 00:32:26.386 And then he was trying to throw me out and they were crying, 608 00:32:26.410 --> 00:32:28.176 the kids were in their rooms. 609 00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:30.316 And they're all twisted and I was crying and he was trying 610 00:32:30.340 --> 00:32:31.533 to throw me out. 611 00:32:31.557 --> 00:32:33.476 And that bullet was still in the house or something 612 00:32:33.500 --> 00:32:34.969 in that closet. 613 00:32:34.993 --> 00:32:35.802 - Yea when you moved out. 614 00:32:35.826 --> 00:32:36.777 - I was babysitting. 615 00:32:36.801 --> 00:32:39.146 Jackie had swallowed a red marble and I still 616 00:32:39.170 --> 00:32:41.506 have that marble, it's brown now. 617 00:32:41.530 --> 00:32:45.506 And that's the marble that I almost twisted myself 'cause it 618 00:32:45.530 --> 00:32:48.006 went in that child's stomach. 619 00:32:48.030 --> 00:32:50.383 Jack was always the one, number one. 620 00:32:53.689 --> 00:32:55.439 See what they can fit in there. No. 621 00:32:57.140 --> 00:33:02.070 - Look at the date. - It says January 2016. 622 00:33:03.830 --> 00:33:07.016 - That doesn't seem like- - No! 623 00:33:07.040 --> 00:33:08.386 I think that you already knew. 624 00:33:08.410 --> 00:33:09.526 I told you 'cause I felt like 625 00:33:09.550 --> 00:33:10.424 you were getting worked up going, 626 00:33:10.448 --> 00:33:11.966 "He, she, she, he, he, he, he." 627 00:33:11.990 --> 00:33:15.198 I don't you to feel upset because I don't care. 628 00:33:15.222 --> 00:33:17.684 - I don't wanna upset you. - I'm not upset. 629 00:33:17.708 --> 00:33:21.204 - You know, I wanted to get it right. 630 00:33:21.228 --> 00:33:23.182 - I know. - That's all. 631 00:33:23.206 --> 00:33:27.286 Just right, I don't want to upset you. 632 00:33:27.310 --> 00:33:29.776 - You don't upset me. - Me either. 633 00:33:29.800 --> 00:33:32.286 The reason why I love game shows is because of her. 634 00:33:32.310 --> 00:33:34.049 Okay. Pick your door. 635 00:33:34.073 --> 00:33:36.616 - I'm picking one. - I'm gonna go... 636 00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:39.993 Then you're going this one? - I'm picking one. 637 00:33:40.017 --> 00:33:42.213 Well I wanna get on the one that comes up here! 638 00:33:43.560 --> 00:33:44.527 - She picks this one. 639 00:33:44.551 --> 00:33:45.587 Oh! She won! 640 00:34:01.780 --> 00:34:06.004 - Coming out as gay was just so much easier for me 641 00:34:06.028 --> 00:34:07.806 than saying I was trans. 642 00:34:07.830 --> 00:34:12.776 When I was dating my ex, once the end of our 643 00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:17.516 relationship was apparent, I took it really hard and I 644 00:34:17.540 --> 00:34:19.606 realized that part of why I took it so hard 645 00:34:19.630 --> 00:34:24.630 was that she was a straight woman and I didn't have to 646 00:34:28.200 --> 00:34:31.926 you know, I didn't have to figure out my gender 647 00:34:31.950 --> 00:34:33.433 because in my head it was like, 648 00:34:33.457 --> 00:34:36.223 "I'm dating a straight woman, she sees me as this. 649 00:34:37.490 --> 00:34:38.767 Everything is fine." 650 00:34:39.720 --> 00:34:44.376 And then once we broke up, I realized I don't want 651 00:34:44.400 --> 00:34:46.646 to be somebody's girlfriend. 652 00:34:46.670 --> 00:34:51.670 I would Google the word, "transgender" and then clear 653 00:34:52.630 --> 00:34:53.946 my search history. 654 00:34:53.970 --> 00:34:57.186 Because that's how bad I knew it was. 655 00:34:57.210 --> 00:34:58.836 Even though Yaya was already trans. 656 00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:00.266 She was already out. 657 00:35:00.290 --> 00:35:03.036 I just still wasn't as brave as her. 658 00:35:03.060 --> 00:35:07.756 She just like, she might not think she went in full force 659 00:35:07.780 --> 00:35:09.433 but to me she did. 660 00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:12.506 - The same year I won Ms. Philadelphia Gay Pride, 661 00:35:12.530 --> 00:35:15.156 it was 2009, I had my crown, 662 00:35:15.180 --> 00:35:19.526 I felt beautiful, I felt myself and in front 663 00:35:19.550 --> 00:35:23.366 of 40,000 people, I thought, "Today's the day. 664 00:35:23.390 --> 00:35:24.576 This is it." 665 00:35:24.600 --> 00:35:28.136 I took my first hormone shot in the bathroom of a 666 00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:30.136 restaurant at Pride. 667 00:35:30.160 --> 00:35:32.806 Right as I started to really develop, my mom was 668 00:35:32.830 --> 00:35:34.606 diagnosed with cancer. 669 00:35:34.630 --> 00:35:37.966 The doctors said, you know, "Basically you have six 670 00:35:37.990 --> 00:35:39.066 months to live." 671 00:35:39.090 --> 00:35:42.589 And so of course because I am my mother's daughter, and I'm 672 00:35:42.613 --> 00:35:45.216 literally a replica of her, 673 00:35:45.240 --> 00:35:47.466 our birthdays are five days apart... 674 00:35:47.490 --> 00:35:51.326 I was stubborn and was like, "You know what? 675 00:35:51.350 --> 00:35:52.160 Screw this. 676 00:35:52.184 --> 00:35:56.586 I'm still going to do this because she's going to pass away 677 00:35:56.610 --> 00:35:58.016 and she never got to live the life 678 00:35:58.040 --> 00:36:02.816 that she deserved or wanted and am I going to be her?" 679 00:36:02.840 --> 00:36:04.536 Like in the very beginning, she would go, "I just wanna 680 00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:05.507 see my son." 681 00:36:05.531 --> 00:36:07.626 I said, "I'm not your son. 682 00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:08.693 I'm your child. 683 00:36:09.580 --> 00:36:11.063 Am I not your child?" 684 00:36:11.087 --> 00:36:12.376 "Well, why don't you wait 'til I die?" 685 00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:13.400 she would say. 686 00:36:14.700 --> 00:36:16.746 And I would get so mad 687 00:36:16.770 --> 00:36:19.426 because I didn't want to wait 'til she died. 688 00:36:19.450 --> 00:36:23.433 I didn't want to wait 'til she was gone to be myself. 689 00:36:23.457 --> 00:36:26.096 And she said, "I don't want no one to hurt you." 690 00:36:26.120 --> 00:36:28.276 And I said, "What do you mean? No one's gonna hurt me, Mom. 691 00:36:28.300 --> 00:36:30.638 Do you not realize I can fight? 692 00:36:30.662 --> 00:36:32.494 Do you not realize who you raised?" 693 00:36:32.518 --> 00:36:35.906 And she would go, "I don't want no one to kill you." 694 00:36:35.930 --> 00:36:40.476 But she was so terrified that someone would hurt me that she 695 00:36:40.500 --> 00:36:44.936 would subject me to being miserable, yet alive. 696 00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:47.892 This is who I am and I said to her, "You will accept it, 697 00:36:47.916 --> 00:36:51.787 or I will leave and I won't come back." 698 00:36:52.870 --> 00:36:56.466 And she accepted it, and I stayed. 699 00:36:56.490 --> 00:37:00.946 And I still went through with everything and I just did it. 700 00:37:00.970 --> 00:37:03.696 And it was terrifying, and it was hard, but I knew that 701 00:37:03.720 --> 00:37:06.963 if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it later. 702 00:37:09.116 --> 00:37:11.783 (bird chirping) 703 00:37:13.970 --> 00:37:17.136 - On the checklist: steps to obtain a court order 704 00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:18.863 to change your name in New Jersey. 705 00:37:19.860 --> 00:37:21.556 18 steps. 706 00:37:21.580 --> 00:37:26.406 Do you know how many steps I did in Massachusetts? Guess. 707 00:37:26.430 --> 00:37:28.263 - Two. - Pretty much. 708 00:37:30.090 --> 00:37:32.586 Step one, we filled out the verified complaint form, 709 00:37:32.610 --> 00:37:35.326 we filled out the order fixing date. 710 00:37:35.350 --> 00:37:37.256 We filled out the civil case information, 711 00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:40.256 we mailed the check to the state of New Jersey... 712 00:37:40.280 --> 00:37:41.137 Step seven. 713 00:37:41.161 --> 00:37:42.863 This is where we're at. Step seven. 714 00:37:42.887 --> 00:37:45.496 "The court will also indicate the name of a newspaper 715 00:37:45.520 --> 00:37:46.956 in which you have to do this-" 716 00:37:46.980 --> 00:37:49.496 So now we have the newspaper is... 717 00:37:49.520 --> 00:37:52.556 - Either the Times or Courier Post. 718 00:37:52.580 --> 00:37:54.356 - So then we need to figure out how to put this 719 00:37:54.380 --> 00:37:59.143 in the paper tonight. Headline. 720 00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:05.160 In the matter of... - This fishy bitch named Yaya. 721 00:38:07.160 --> 00:38:12.160 Change her muthafuckin' name to Christina Jennifurt. 722 00:38:12.890 --> 00:38:14.976 - Name of person placing this ad. 723 00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:16.556 It does feel like pretty overwhelming. 724 00:38:16.580 --> 00:38:19.456 I can see why you haven't done it. I really do. 725 00:38:19.480 --> 00:38:21.706 - And it's irritating because when you're sitting here and 726 00:38:21.730 --> 00:38:23.516 you're by yourself and you don't someone next to you 727 00:38:23.540 --> 00:38:26.716 talking to you, you're just like, "Fuck it." 728 00:38:26.740 --> 00:38:27.768 I don't know. 729 00:38:27.792 --> 00:38:29.126 It was never something that I was just like, "Oh my god this 730 00:38:29.150 --> 00:38:30.387 needs to happen." 731 00:38:30.411 --> 00:38:32.307 I was more worried about like, "Oh I need a hormone shot. 732 00:38:32.331 --> 00:38:34.376 I need an estrogen vial." 733 00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:37.096 Versus, like, you know, I was more worried about my 734 00:38:37.120 --> 00:38:41.706 physical appearance and passing than who's really gonna look 735 00:38:41.730 --> 00:38:42.867 at my ID. 736 00:38:42.891 --> 00:38:45.891 (cheesy hold music) 737 00:38:50.560 --> 00:38:52.887 - Thank you for calling the Superior Court Clerk's Office. 738 00:38:52.911 --> 00:38:54.586 This is Annette speaking, how may I help you? 739 00:38:54.610 --> 00:38:58.886 - Hi, um, I emailed your office earlier Friday afternoon 740 00:38:58.910 --> 00:39:00.606 about my name change. 741 00:39:00.630 --> 00:39:03.516 I have the final affidavit right in front of me 742 00:39:03.540 --> 00:39:06.824 and now I just need to receive my certified copy. 743 00:39:06.848 --> 00:39:08.401 - What's the docket number? 744 00:39:08.425 --> 00:39:10.258 - L-760-17. - Hold on. 745 00:39:12.787 --> 00:39:16.454 (cheesy hold music resumes) 746 00:39:21.744 --> 00:39:24.403 - So you said it was 004-'cause it's not even 747 00:39:24.427 --> 00:39:25.582 coming up under the docket number. 748 00:39:25.606 --> 00:39:30.581 - No, that's not what I said. I said 760-17. 749 00:39:30.605 --> 00:39:33.144 - I would call the County Courthouse. 750 00:39:33.168 --> 00:39:33.978 - For vote by mail ballots- 751 00:39:34.002 --> 00:39:35.416 - Just start over again. 752 00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:36.693 - Please press three. 753 00:39:36.717 --> 00:39:39.956 For the County Clerk Records Room, please press four. 754 00:39:39.980 --> 00:39:42.656 That's it! (phone ringing) 755 00:39:42.680 --> 00:39:44.863 Yaya, do you want me, do you? 756 00:39:46.502 --> 00:39:48.216 - This is the County Clerk's Office, how can I help you? 757 00:39:48.240 --> 00:39:52.186 Yes, um, I'm trying to get, um, my certified copies 758 00:39:52.210 --> 00:39:53.566 for the name change. 759 00:39:53.590 --> 00:39:56.406 Am I at the right place now talking to you? 760 00:39:56.430 --> 00:39:57.409 - Yes, you are. 761 00:39:57.433 --> 00:39:58.506 - Okay, thank you there is a light at the end of the tunnel 762 00:39:58.530 --> 00:40:00.230 because my head was gonna explode. 763 00:40:01.632 --> 00:40:04.627 - Yeah, they mail you out copies. 764 00:40:04.651 --> 00:40:06.488 They'll mail them out to you. With the gold seal? 765 00:40:06.512 --> 00:40:07.746 Yeah. - How many? 766 00:40:07.770 --> 00:40:09.243 - Yes, they'll send them out to you. 767 00:40:09.267 --> 00:40:10.246 - Okay! 768 00:40:10.270 --> 00:40:11.080 But thank you so much for all your help and you have 769 00:40:11.104 --> 00:40:12.396 a wonderful day, okay? 770 00:40:12.420 --> 00:40:13.230 - All right, thank you. You too. 771 00:40:13.254 --> 00:40:15.296 - You're welcome. Buh-bye. 772 00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:19.546 Aw Dee, Dee Dee! Thank you! (clapping) 773 00:40:19.570 --> 00:40:21.499 - You know a movie that I didn't see? 774 00:40:21.523 --> 00:40:23.826 - I liked "Cruel Intentions." - What is it? 775 00:40:23.850 --> 00:40:26.916 - The first time I really remember, like, telling another 776 00:40:26.940 --> 00:40:30.156 friend, I almost felt like I had bad news to deliver. 777 00:40:30.180 --> 00:40:32.363 Like I had something horrible to tell you. 778 00:40:35.245 --> 00:40:39.263 And I was like, um, I don't even know if I could say 779 00:40:39.287 --> 00:40:41.146 the word trans! I don't remember. 780 00:40:41.170 --> 00:40:43.336 I just think I was like fumbling through it being like, 781 00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:44.886 I don't wanna be, I think what I said was like, 782 00:40:44.910 --> 00:40:46.116 I don't wanna be a girl. 783 00:40:46.140 --> 00:40:48.136 But then I didn't really do anything about it. 784 00:40:48.160 --> 00:40:50.336 I didn't tell another person for another two years. 785 00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:52.226 Even though I like kept going to therapy 786 00:40:52.250 --> 00:40:54.243 and like I felt it and I would, 787 00:40:55.260 --> 00:40:57.226 so from basically 26 to 28 788 00:40:57.250 --> 00:40:59.606 I knew and I didn't do anything. 789 00:40:59.630 --> 00:41:03.106 'Cause yeah, living in a city and having an open family that 790 00:41:03.130 --> 00:41:05.936 already knew I was gay, like, it was still hard! 791 00:41:05.960 --> 00:41:07.613 I still felt like shit. 792 00:41:10.850 --> 00:41:12.676 - I don't wanna go to bed! 793 00:41:12.700 --> 00:41:14.339 - Well, what are you gonna sit in the backyard in the 794 00:41:14.363 --> 00:41:15.780 dark by yourself? 795 00:41:24.410 --> 00:41:25.796 - It is true. 796 00:41:25.820 --> 00:41:28.036 What they were saying all them years. 797 00:41:28.060 --> 00:41:30.186 All these years. It's true. 798 00:41:30.210 --> 00:41:31.260 All you need is love. 799 00:41:32.240 --> 00:41:34.798 I met Jack when she, well he, was this big. 800 00:41:34.822 --> 00:41:37.235 Jesus... well it seemed like this! 801 00:41:37.259 --> 00:41:38.068 - Like a fish! 802 00:41:38.092 --> 00:41:38.902 - It seemed like this big! 803 00:41:38.926 --> 00:41:41.916 It looked like a fish to me anyway, I'm a fisherman anyhow, 804 00:41:41.940 --> 00:41:45.646 but we'd been living here for quite some years, uh, 805 00:41:45.670 --> 00:41:48.516 and they had moved in as next door neighbors and 806 00:41:48.540 --> 00:41:52.233 we just melted, like, and turned into one family. 807 00:41:55.340 --> 00:41:58.216 Friday nights especially were the greatest. 808 00:41:58.240 --> 00:42:01.613 Ya know, because that's when it was like, ya know, game on. 809 00:42:02.465 --> 00:42:06.816 ♪ I got myself a guitar and I got myself some strings ♪ 810 00:42:06.840 --> 00:42:10.790 When you're from Philadelphia, there's no... 811 00:42:12.180 --> 00:42:14.986 not being positive about anything. 812 00:42:15.010 --> 00:42:18.288 If you needed something to eat, you got something to eat. 813 00:42:18.312 --> 00:42:19.506 If you needed a roof over your head, you got a roof 814 00:42:19.530 --> 00:42:20.340 over your head. 815 00:42:20.364 --> 00:42:21.946 You couldn't want it any better than it 816 00:42:21.970 --> 00:42:26.464 is right here, right now. Even right now! To this day. 817 00:42:26.488 --> 00:42:27.297 (loud kissing) See? 818 00:42:27.321 --> 00:42:28.167 This is what I'm tellin' ya! 819 00:42:28.191 --> 00:42:30.246 I get a hickey from my next door neighbor. 820 00:42:30.270 --> 00:42:31.611 What do you want?! 821 00:42:31.635 --> 00:42:32.866 (shouting) What more could you want?! 822 00:42:32.890 --> 00:42:33.946 What? What?! 823 00:42:33.970 --> 00:42:36.936 I love everyone. I love life itself. 824 00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:39.146 I love that I woke up today to tell you 825 00:42:39.170 --> 00:42:41.536 that I love this day. 826 00:42:41.560 --> 00:42:46.560 I loved him ever since he was not him! 827 00:42:46.610 --> 00:42:50.176 He didn't know it! But I did. I loved him. 828 00:42:50.200 --> 00:42:51.313 But he didn't know it. 829 00:42:54.460 --> 00:42:58.106 But he didn't know I loved him. He thought I loved her. 830 00:42:58.130 --> 00:42:59.433 But I love him. 831 00:43:00.710 --> 00:43:05.266 And I still do and I always will to my dying breath. 832 00:43:05.290 --> 00:43:06.676 Always. 833 00:43:06.700 --> 00:43:09.476 Every single day of my life. 834 00:43:09.500 --> 00:43:10.823 I love you all. 835 00:43:12.790 --> 00:43:14.256 And that's what it takes! 836 00:43:14.280 --> 00:43:16.483 All you need is frickin' love! 837 00:43:17.603 --> 00:43:20.459 (guitar strums and laughter from home video) 838 00:43:20.483 --> 00:43:23.400 (crickets buzzing) 839 00:43:27.290 --> 00:43:31.206 - When Jack decided, it was, it was weird 840 00:43:31.230 --> 00:43:35.876 because he never, he never said "This is what I'm gonna do." 841 00:43:35.900 --> 00:43:39.036 It was, "I need to get my top surgery." 842 00:43:39.060 --> 00:43:40.017 And I was like, "What do you mean?" 843 00:43:40.041 --> 00:43:41.393 And he was like, "I'm tired of binding." And I was like, 844 00:43:41.417 --> 00:43:43.636 "So do it! Just do it. Go for it." 845 00:43:43.660 --> 00:43:46.656 I get chills from it because I remember he was so panicked, 846 00:43:46.680 --> 00:43:49.526 he was like, I'm gettin' chills really bad, 847 00:43:49.550 --> 00:43:52.033 he was... just. 848 00:43:53.020 --> 00:43:56.546 You could hear, like, a slight tinge of excitement, 849 00:43:56.570 --> 00:44:00.446 like a, oh my God could I really do this, behind the fear. 850 00:44:00.470 --> 00:44:01.826 And I knew that! 851 00:44:01.850 --> 00:44:03.216 Like, I was there. 852 00:44:03.240 --> 00:44:05.346 I knew he was gonna do it and I knew it was gonna work 853 00:44:05.370 --> 00:44:08.420 out and I knew, like, he would finally have that 854 00:44:09.503 --> 00:44:11.483 (deep sigh) feeling that I had. 855 00:44:13.002 --> 00:44:14.889 - Are you gonna cry? - No! 856 00:44:14.913 --> 00:44:16.090 I just don't want to. 857 00:44:17.267 --> 00:44:20.382 (takes deep breath in and out) 858 00:44:20.406 --> 00:44:22.216 - You want like the Power Rangers theme music? 859 00:44:22.240 --> 00:44:23.744 Oh my God, I could totally play it. 860 00:44:23.768 --> 00:44:24.578 - (laughing) Do not. 861 00:44:24.602 --> 00:44:27.246 - Where's my phone? Let's give him theme music. 862 00:44:27.270 --> 00:44:30.876 - I'm not doing it 'cause I can't do it! (laughs) 863 00:44:30.900 --> 00:44:32.886 - Do you ever get nervous? - No! 864 00:44:32.910 --> 00:44:36.102 I'm like, I want my breasts to grow (smacks her butt) 865 00:44:36.126 --> 00:44:37.636 and I'm done. 866 00:44:37.660 --> 00:44:38.756 Like, literally just like that. 867 00:44:38.780 --> 00:44:40.980 I'm actually jealous. I wish I had estrogen. 868 00:44:41.987 --> 00:44:43.837 I would totally stab myself with you. 869 00:44:47.270 --> 00:44:48.080 I can do it for you. 870 00:44:48.104 --> 00:44:51.963 - I'm not trusting you to 'cause you want to too much, 871 00:44:51.987 --> 00:44:54.546 'Cause you're evil. (laughs) - I really don't want to. 872 00:44:54.570 --> 00:44:56.220 But I just want you to not shake. 873 00:44:57.440 --> 00:45:00.096 - Just stick it in! - I'm trying, Dad! 874 00:45:00.120 --> 00:45:02.266 - There's no trying just stick it on your skin and push 875 00:45:02.290 --> 00:45:03.623 it in and squeeze. 876 00:45:04.770 --> 00:45:06.753 Push! Just push! 877 00:45:08.490 --> 00:45:10.766 Deep down inside, that's what you gotta do, do it! 878 00:45:10.790 --> 00:45:12.843 - The deep down inside part is the part that's... 879 00:45:12.867 --> 00:45:15.536 (screams) You guys! 880 00:45:15.560 --> 00:45:17.116 - I think you're overreacting. 881 00:45:17.140 --> 00:45:20.056 - I am! I'm trying. - It's shaky. 882 00:45:20.080 --> 00:45:22.054 So it shakes a little bit. 883 00:45:22.078 --> 00:45:23.066 What're you gonna do? 884 00:45:23.090 --> 00:45:25.026 - Think of the aftereffects. That's what I did. 885 00:45:25.050 --> 00:45:28.070 - I know, that's what I do. I think of beards! 886 00:45:28.094 --> 00:45:30.929 - Here, I'll hold your leg. 887 00:45:30.953 --> 00:45:33.191 - I can't... - You can. 888 00:45:33.215 --> 00:45:34.191 You really can. 889 00:45:34.215 --> 00:45:35.025 - I gotta hold my leg myself! 890 00:45:35.049 --> 00:45:36.454 - I think you're fine. 891 00:45:36.478 --> 00:45:37.878 - Can you hold this side of my leg? 892 00:45:38.530 --> 00:45:40.030 Okay, maybe I can do that. 893 00:45:41.070 --> 00:45:42.403 - Yeah, you can. 894 00:45:43.980 --> 00:45:44.980 - I need to do it! 895 00:45:46.195 --> 00:45:50.445 (Yaya singing Jurassic Park Theme) 896 00:45:58.536 --> 00:46:00.953 (Jack gasps) 897 00:46:03.299 --> 00:46:04.299 - It hurts! 898 00:46:05.838 --> 00:46:10.053 (Yaya sings Jurassic Park Theme) 899 00:46:10.077 --> 00:46:11.236 - Yay! (clapping) (Jack sighs) 900 00:46:11.260 --> 00:46:12.117 - Are you bleeding? 901 00:46:12.141 --> 00:46:13.143 - Yeah. - Good. 902 00:46:14.997 --> 00:46:16.456 - Well, thanks for coming over to torment me. 903 00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:17.883 It's all I needed. Yay! 904 00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:21.303 - My levels in my brain don't feel right. 905 00:46:23.630 --> 00:46:25.536 I'm not supposed to, like, have any 906 00:46:25.560 --> 00:46:29.946 period at all 'cause most trans people don't, like men don't 907 00:46:29.970 --> 00:46:31.656 have their period. 908 00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:33.226 And, like, I don't have my period 909 00:46:33.250 --> 00:46:35.616 but I have, like, something. 910 00:46:35.640 --> 00:46:38.366 Yesterday it was, like, kinda there and so I feel 911 00:46:38.390 --> 00:46:41.806 like there's hormones on that side of me and then I'm low 912 00:46:41.830 --> 00:46:44.926 on T and I just felt crazy. 913 00:46:44.950 --> 00:46:48.566 I didn't tell you, don't look at me like that. 914 00:46:48.590 --> 00:46:51.243 I'm getting a hysterectomy on the 15th of December. 915 00:46:52.320 --> 00:46:53.296 - [Tony] They're paying for it? 916 00:46:53.320 --> 00:46:54.320 - Yeah. 917 00:46:58.380 --> 00:46:59.646 - [Tony] Where's this gonna be at? 918 00:46:59.670 --> 00:47:00.670 - In Boston. 919 00:47:02.430 --> 00:47:06.026 'Cause I can't just like, do this, like, you know? 920 00:47:06.050 --> 00:47:08.030 - Probably streaming right with ya. 921 00:47:08.054 --> 00:47:10.804 (shoes flopping) 922 00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:15.947 Right here, this is where that hippie van was down there 923 00:47:15.971 --> 00:47:18.293 that I was telling you about, and the TV. 924 00:47:19.412 --> 00:47:22.126 I remember there was one of those dial big TVs down there 925 00:47:22.150 --> 00:47:23.436 for some reason. 926 00:47:23.460 --> 00:47:25.786 I had decent insurance and then, all of a sudden, 927 00:47:25.810 --> 00:47:28.066 it was like $500 a month. 928 00:47:28.090 --> 00:47:32.066 Or something crazy and, I made decent money then, 929 00:47:32.090 --> 00:47:35.316 I did not make that good of money to be able to cover all 930 00:47:35.340 --> 00:47:38.016 that so I was back to ordering my medicine online. 931 00:47:38.040 --> 00:47:40.666 For a while I would also get them also from friends, 932 00:47:40.690 --> 00:47:42.586 you know, that were taking the same thing. 933 00:47:42.610 --> 00:47:44.432 You know, it was kinda just what we did. 934 00:47:44.456 --> 00:47:46.056 We would take care of each other. 935 00:47:46.080 --> 00:47:47.776 Like if I ordered them and they weren't in yet, 936 00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:49.746 hey just give me one and soon as my order comes in 937 00:47:49.770 --> 00:47:52.212 I'll replace it or help you or whatever. 938 00:47:52.236 --> 00:47:53.876 There was older trans women that had been around for years 939 00:47:53.900 --> 00:47:54.896 and actually sell them. 940 00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:58.806 At one point me and my one friend were using the estrogen 941 00:47:58.830 --> 00:48:01.426 patches and taking a shot. 942 00:48:01.450 --> 00:48:04.096 Which is not good for your body really at all. 943 00:48:04.120 --> 00:48:07.848 Um, and when the woman found out that I was doing that 944 00:48:07.872 --> 00:48:10.376 she was like "Well here's the thing, I'm not gonna sell them 945 00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:12.296 to you until you're done." 946 00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:16.446 Here's a woman that I didn't know her very well 947 00:48:16.470 --> 00:48:21.056 and I trusted her and she like was taking care of us 948 00:48:21.080 --> 00:48:24.213 and that's why a lot of us call some of these trans women 949 00:48:24.237 --> 00:48:27.296 "Mom" and look up to them as a mother 950 00:48:27.320 --> 00:48:29.696 I have people that call me "Mom" because I took them in 951 00:48:29.720 --> 00:48:30.916 and was helping them. 952 00:48:30.940 --> 00:48:33.546 And it's like even if I didn't have my doctors, 953 00:48:33.570 --> 00:48:34.793 I would've had a way. 954 00:48:37.461 --> 00:48:40.937 Yeah, there is someone down there, I think he's fishing. 955 00:48:40.961 --> 00:48:42.279 I wonder if that's actually my dad fishing, 956 00:48:42.303 --> 00:48:44.146 that would be really funny. 957 00:48:44.170 --> 00:48:46.844 The only person that would be fishing would be you. 958 00:48:46.868 --> 00:48:49.701 (Big John laughs) 959 00:48:51.010 --> 00:48:52.611 - Those Bud Light Platinums you have right there? 960 00:48:52.635 --> 00:48:53.635 - Yep, just one. 961 00:48:54.880 --> 00:48:55.690 - They're not even really supposed 962 00:48:55.714 --> 00:48:56.939 to be in there technically- 963 00:48:56.963 --> 00:48:58.523 - No, these are! 964 00:48:58.547 --> 00:49:00.736 - No, they used to tell us to try to get them out because 965 00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:03.136 they like- - Can you hear him? 966 00:49:03.160 --> 00:49:04.783 Can you hear it croakin'? 967 00:49:07.860 --> 00:49:08.860 Scratch his belly... 968 00:49:11.617 --> 00:49:14.209 (laughs) Hear it? 969 00:49:14.233 --> 00:49:16.900 (fish cracking) 970 00:49:18.833 --> 00:49:22.000 (upbeat guitar music) 971 00:49:41.300 --> 00:49:44.250 They were dolls. They were like little girls- 972 00:49:44.274 --> 00:49:45.231 - Ohh, yeah! 973 00:49:45.255 --> 00:49:46.789 - They were called Time Out Dolls. They would sit in the- 974 00:49:46.813 --> 00:49:48.426 - They were fuckin' freaky! - They were really creepy. 975 00:49:48.450 --> 00:49:49.259 I still have them, I have mine. 976 00:49:49.283 --> 00:49:50.092 I think she's in my basement... 977 00:49:50.116 --> 00:49:51.086 - They were tall! - Yes, yes, yes! 978 00:49:51.110 --> 00:49:52.326 You would sit her in the corner, but she was like a child, 979 00:49:52.350 --> 00:49:54.583 they go to time out but it was like a doll and it was almost 980 00:49:54.607 --> 00:49:55.705 like a decoration. - It was so weird. 981 00:49:55.729 --> 00:49:57.405 - Which didn't make sense to why they would make 982 00:49:57.429 --> 00:49:59.186 a decoration to be a timeout but, 983 00:49:59.210 --> 00:50:01.466 my mom just picked this name out and we have this 984 00:50:01.490 --> 00:50:03.466 doll named Crendlewynn. 985 00:50:03.490 --> 00:50:07.306 And I said, "Mom where did you come up with that?" 986 00:50:07.330 --> 00:50:09.886 And she said, "Well, had you been a girl this would have 987 00:50:09.910 --> 00:50:10.720 been your name." 988 00:50:10.744 --> 00:50:12.876 And I will tell you this, that I didn't tell anybody, 989 00:50:12.900 --> 00:50:16.208 for years I tried to disconnect that wig, from its head 990 00:50:16.232 --> 00:50:20.773 to put it on because I was tired of wearing a mophead. 991 00:50:23.660 --> 00:50:25.053 - Lower. - Are you sure? 992 00:50:25.910 --> 00:50:26.926 - Yeah, so that- 993 00:50:26.950 --> 00:50:28.759 - Don't you want it, like, right in between his legs, like, 994 00:50:28.783 --> 00:50:31.043 there's so much paper room right there. 995 00:50:32.050 --> 00:50:33.533 - It's gonna be all on the crab. 996 00:50:37.780 --> 00:50:39.610 - Why you makin' noises like that? 997 00:50:39.634 --> 00:50:41.301 It wasn't that hard. 998 00:50:42.210 --> 00:50:43.989 Yeah, you could never deal with me giving you- 999 00:50:44.013 --> 00:50:45.872 - An injection? - A hormone shot. 1000 00:50:45.896 --> 00:50:47.266 - Noo! 'Cause you can barely do this. 1001 00:50:47.290 --> 00:50:49.536 - I can do this! You're a fucking bitch. 1002 00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:50.560 Man up. 1003 00:50:51.443 --> 00:50:52.547 - Okay. 1004 00:50:52.571 --> 00:50:53.517 - Man up. 1005 00:50:53.541 --> 00:50:55.896 - 'Cause apparently Yaya, we can't, we have to see what we 1006 00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:57.546 look like 'cause we're too- 1007 00:50:57.570 --> 00:51:00.640 - I'm too vain. (Tony giggling) 1008 00:51:02.153 --> 00:51:06.712 - That was a good one. (Tony hiccups) 1009 00:51:06.736 --> 00:51:09.486 (wind swooshing) 1010 00:51:12.824 --> 00:51:16.074 (soft, ethereal music) 1011 00:51:51.360 --> 00:51:54.296 - My hysterectomy is scheduled for December. 1012 00:51:54.320 --> 00:51:58.336 I scheduled it then because that's when I need the most 1013 00:51:58.360 --> 00:51:59.866 time to recover. 1014 00:51:59.890 --> 00:52:02.846 So you need like a good two to three weeks, well, two 1015 00:52:02.870 --> 00:52:06.566 weeks to be, like, no work cause you're just basically not, 1016 00:52:06.590 --> 00:52:10.576 I don't know, able to move that great. 1017 00:52:10.600 --> 00:52:13.006 So, I'm going to have it coincide 1018 00:52:13.030 --> 00:52:15.306 with the school vacation. 1019 00:52:15.330 --> 00:52:20.330 But I don't want to be in recovery so I'm sort of like do 1020 00:52:21.410 --> 00:52:22.220 I even want to have surgery. 1021 00:52:22.244 --> 00:52:25.336 Because back when I scheduled it, I was sometimes bleeding 1022 00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:27.386 and that was really shitty. 1023 00:52:27.410 --> 00:52:29.860 Like, I don't think anyone likes having a period. 1024 00:52:36.227 --> 00:52:39.606 (phone ringing) 1025 00:52:39.630 --> 00:52:41.476 Oh, my mustache looks amazing! 1026 00:52:41.500 --> 00:52:42.500 Look! 1027 00:52:46.680 --> 00:52:49.776 - Hi. (Jack laughs) 1028 00:52:49.800 --> 00:52:54.659 - Why are you on, you had a lazy eye when you did that. 1029 00:52:54.683 --> 00:52:56.544 (Jack laughs) 1030 00:52:56.568 --> 00:52:58.128 - I was trying to show you my mustache. 1031 00:52:58.860 --> 00:53:01.456 - I was making a scary face and then I noticed your 1032 00:53:01.480 --> 00:53:03.218 lazy eye and got scared. 1033 00:53:03.242 --> 00:53:05.126 (Jack cackles) - You got a mustache? 1034 00:53:05.150 --> 00:53:06.150 - Yeah, look. 1035 00:53:10.263 --> 00:53:11.430 - Oh I see it! 1036 00:53:12.473 --> 00:53:15.026 Oh my god it's coming in! 1037 00:53:15.050 --> 00:53:16.653 - You look really great. 1038 00:53:16.677 --> 00:53:18.653 - Thanks! - Hold up the ID. 1039 00:53:19.680 --> 00:53:21.723 Cover your picture, I wanna see it. 1040 00:53:23.660 --> 00:53:25.103 - I got it the day I went to the DMV. 1041 00:53:25.127 --> 00:53:26.426 The woman was really cool. 1042 00:53:26.450 --> 00:53:29.858 She made me basically have a photoshoot right there. 1043 00:53:29.882 --> 00:53:31.218 My grandmom was really cute. 1044 00:53:31.242 --> 00:53:32.544 She was like, "Should I bake a cake? 1045 00:53:32.568 --> 00:53:33.660 I feel like we should bake a cake." 1046 00:53:33.684 --> 00:53:37.180 I was like, "No..." - Awww that's the best! 1047 00:53:37.204 --> 00:53:39.405 - Can I tell you what happened to me? 1048 00:53:39.429 --> 00:53:42.346 - What, yes please. I'm tired of talking, actually. 1049 00:53:42.370 --> 00:53:45.356 - Yaya, I was like crying, I was miserable, I was sad. 1050 00:53:45.380 --> 00:53:46.836 I wanted people to like talk to me 1051 00:53:46.860 --> 00:53:48.229 and as soon as they talked to me 1052 00:53:48.253 --> 00:53:49.466 I was like, "Don't talk to me." (both laugh) 1053 00:53:49.490 --> 00:53:51.246 I went to the grocery store (giggles) and 1054 00:53:51.270 --> 00:53:54.170 bought a whole bunch of shit on a credit card on food. 1055 00:53:54.194 --> 00:53:57.896 On the way home I'm like I feel like shit and I was like I'm 1056 00:53:57.920 --> 00:53:59.686 really hungry and I couldn't wait to eat 1057 00:53:59.710 --> 00:54:02.976 the buffalo wings so I pull over and I see a Best Buy 1058 00:54:03.000 --> 00:54:04.536 so I was like, I'm going to Best Buy 1059 00:54:04.560 --> 00:54:06.729 and I sit in the Best Buy parking lot and I feel like, 1060 00:54:06.753 --> 00:54:09.236 I just start crying and I'm eating these buffalo wings 1061 00:54:09.260 --> 00:54:11.766 and crying and then I was like, 1062 00:54:11.790 --> 00:54:14.047 "I need a new TV!" 1063 00:54:15.340 --> 00:54:19.376 I, luckily, had tampons in my car because apparently I was 1064 00:54:19.400 --> 00:54:23.656 getting my period for the first time in six months. 1065 00:54:23.680 --> 00:54:24.816 And so I have this TV. 1066 00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:27.816 It's still in, like, the wrap because I think I have 1067 00:54:27.840 --> 00:54:30.576 to return it because I don't know why I did that. 1068 00:54:30.600 --> 00:54:31.966 - We're like about at the same, 1069 00:54:31.990 --> 00:54:32.957 we're about the same right now. 1070 00:54:32.981 --> 00:54:34.783 Lemme see yours. Awww. 1071 00:54:36.850 --> 00:54:38.431 Wait, go back to yours. 1072 00:54:38.455 --> 00:54:39.888 I wanna take a picture too. 1073 00:54:39.912 --> 00:54:41.256 - I'm trying to but you're too close. 1074 00:54:41.280 --> 00:54:42.496 You went to art school, right? 1075 00:54:42.520 --> 00:54:44.229 Like, how do you not get this? 1076 00:54:44.253 --> 00:54:47.426 - I mine is perfect! Is it? 1077 00:54:47.450 --> 00:54:49.045 - You're jigglin'! 1078 00:54:49.069 --> 00:54:50.406 - Okay, I'm stoppin' movin'. 1079 00:54:50.430 --> 00:54:52.506 Oh, this is perfect. 1080 00:54:52.530 --> 00:54:54.762 That was the best part of my day! 1081 00:54:54.786 --> 00:54:57.369 (music swells) 1082 00:55:03.746 --> 00:55:07.496 (quiet, contemplative music) 1083 00:55:15.130 --> 00:55:18.325 So my mom, for my 30th birthday, made this little 1084 00:55:18.349 --> 00:55:20.066 book for me. 1085 00:55:20.090 --> 00:55:22.376 And it's very cute. 1086 00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:24.436 And it's like the history of her and my dad 1087 00:55:24.460 --> 00:55:25.796 and me as a baby. 1088 00:55:25.820 --> 00:55:29.676 So then I basically just started finding pictures and I want 1089 00:55:29.700 --> 00:55:32.056 to put it to, like, a poem I wrote. 1090 00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:35.886 Right now I'm starting off with us as babies and then, like, 1091 00:55:35.910 --> 00:55:39.956 the colors and then I feel like once it starts to get older 1092 00:55:39.980 --> 00:55:44.846 I'm just gonna change us by switching us around, kind of. 1093 00:55:44.870 --> 00:55:47.706 You know, I can look at these pictures of myself as a little 1094 00:55:47.730 --> 00:55:51.206 "girl" and not feel upset but then it starts to just become 1095 00:55:51.230 --> 00:55:53.886 anxiety and not just like anxiety that everybody gets when 1096 00:55:53.910 --> 00:55:58.056 they look at pictures of them in like fifth grade and 1097 00:55:58.080 --> 00:56:01.696 above but more so I can feel my little bit, like, pain. 1098 00:56:01.720 --> 00:56:03.316 Like I didn't have pain when I was this young. 1099 00:56:03.340 --> 00:56:05.676 I just did whatever I wanted to do. 1100 00:56:05.700 --> 00:56:09.176 Like, I was also just dressing up like an insane person. 1101 00:56:09.200 --> 00:56:11.450 Look, I wanted a tattoo on my butt even then! 1102 00:56:12.430 --> 00:56:15.656 I had two painting ideas and one of them was like, uh, 1103 00:56:15.680 --> 00:56:18.376 like "what's between your legs" like is a thing that 1104 00:56:18.400 --> 00:56:19.930 Yaya and I were talking about this 1105 00:56:19.954 --> 00:56:21.396 because she had an experience at work 1106 00:56:21.420 --> 00:56:25.136 where somebody stopped her (sighs) at her table. 1107 00:56:25.160 --> 00:56:28.406 Not, you know, a customer of hers, but just walked, 1108 00:56:28.430 --> 00:56:30.079 when she was walking past said 1109 00:56:30.103 --> 00:56:32.526 (speaking in higher voice) "Excuse me, I don't want this 1110 00:56:32.550 --> 00:56:34.936 to upset you, but are you transgender?" 1111 00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:38.446 And, obviously, it did upset her. 1112 00:56:38.470 --> 00:56:41.953 And she was, she said "Oh, how did you know?" 1113 00:56:41.977 --> 00:56:44.996 Was her first response. Like, what gave it away? 1114 00:56:45.020 --> 00:56:46.729 And then she just spent the whole rest of her day just 1115 00:56:46.753 --> 00:56:49.376 being like what... 1116 00:56:49.400 --> 00:56:53.136 you know, what gave me away and I think I was thinkin' 1117 00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:55.466 about that in bed at night and then I think even 1118 00:56:55.490 --> 00:56:58.526 like two days after that I was at this show at the MFA 1119 00:56:58.550 --> 00:57:03.463 in Boston and this guy just came up to me, we started, 1120 00:57:03.487 --> 00:57:06.523 some dude, we just started talking and he was like, 1121 00:57:06.547 --> 00:57:08.816 "Are you, are you a man?" 1122 00:57:08.840 --> 00:57:09.963 And I was like, "Yeah." and he was like, 1123 00:57:09.987 --> 00:57:12.046 "Are you a real man? Do you have a penis?" 1124 00:57:12.070 --> 00:57:14.716 Like at an art thing! In Boston! 1125 00:57:14.740 --> 00:57:17.536 And I was like, whoa, like, I can't believe that 1126 00:57:17.560 --> 00:57:18.716 this still happens. 1127 00:57:18.740 --> 00:57:20.976 So then I think, like, but what's between your legs 1128 00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:23.306 kind of was like a thing that I thought would be 1129 00:57:23.330 --> 00:57:27.106 interesting to just, like, I dunno, paint about. 1130 00:57:27.130 --> 00:57:28.626 And then I'll probably paint over this. 1131 00:57:28.650 --> 00:57:30.696 I wind up painting things and then just painting over them 1132 00:57:30.720 --> 00:57:32.570 when I don't care about them anymore. 1133 00:57:33.788 --> 00:57:36.486 So I have a lot of that stuff, just things 1134 00:57:36.510 --> 00:57:41.076 I'm not really... I dunno. 1135 00:57:41.100 --> 00:57:42.386 I don't mind this one so far. 1136 00:57:42.410 --> 00:57:44.056 I just don't know what to do with the background, 1137 00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:48.266 but I think, you know, it's cathartic to just paint and 1138 00:57:48.290 --> 00:57:49.403 listen to music. 1139 00:57:51.144 --> 00:57:53.811 (bird chirping) 1140 00:58:02.099 --> 00:58:03.946 - I never thought I was handsome. 1141 00:58:03.970 --> 00:58:05.546 I didn't like, I hated my body. 1142 00:58:05.570 --> 00:58:09.346 I hate, even now sometimes I still hate, like, I'm pounding 1143 00:58:09.370 --> 00:58:11.816 makeup into my face. I shouldn't have to do that. 1144 00:58:11.840 --> 00:58:13.406 I don't wanna do that. 1145 00:58:13.430 --> 00:58:15.946 I mean, yeah, if I'm going out for the night and I wanna 1146 00:58:15.970 --> 00:58:18.546 wow the crowd, yeah, of course, I'm gonna be fun, 1147 00:58:18.570 --> 00:58:21.183 but like I am going to cook in my kitchen right now 1148 00:58:21.207 --> 00:58:24.236 and I feel like I have to keep pounding makeup on. 1149 00:58:24.260 --> 00:58:26.296 I wanna wake up and roll out of bed and not have to worry 1150 00:58:26.320 --> 00:58:31.320 about, you know, my face and is the sun too bright today 1151 00:58:31.480 --> 00:58:33.776 because, you know, if you're standing there 1152 00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:38.126 they're gonna see that you have facial hair growing in 1153 00:58:38.150 --> 00:58:42.056 and you have these things that you 1154 00:58:42.080 --> 00:58:44.396 did not want coming out of your body. 1155 00:58:44.420 --> 00:58:48.876 And then you have to sit there and decide whether you stay 1156 00:58:48.900 --> 00:58:52.596 in your room and play in the bathroom and do your makeup 1157 00:58:52.620 --> 00:58:54.866 until 5:00 when the sun goes down 1158 00:58:54.890 --> 00:58:58.386 and then go to work because your brain won't let you leave 1159 00:58:58.410 --> 00:58:59.410 during the day. 1160 00:59:00.590 --> 00:59:03.276 It's tough enough trying to fight with your body every day. 1161 00:59:03.300 --> 00:59:06.006 Like to wake up and be like oh god I've gotta do this 1162 00:59:06.030 --> 00:59:06.840 and I gotta... 1163 00:59:06.864 --> 00:59:10.056 Like me, I have platinum body hair and I have to shave every 1164 00:59:10.080 --> 00:59:13.486 single day because electrolysis is, to do my face would cost 1165 00:59:13.510 --> 00:59:14.320 thousands of dollars. 1166 00:59:14.344 --> 00:59:16.156 I don't have that. I'm a waitress. 1167 00:59:16.180 --> 00:59:18.933 I have to take care of a grandmother and I have bills, 1168 00:59:18.957 --> 00:59:20.136 and I have things I pay. 1169 00:59:20.160 --> 00:59:22.316 I don't have just myself. 1170 00:59:22.340 --> 00:59:24.826 I have people that depend on me too, 1171 00:59:24.850 --> 00:59:26.656 as much as I depend on them 1172 00:59:26.680 --> 00:59:28.496 and I can't give up on them because they didn't give 1173 00:59:28.520 --> 00:59:30.623 up on me when I thought that they would. 1174 00:59:31.830 --> 00:59:33.846 I'm trying to be Christina. 1175 00:59:33.870 --> 00:59:35.916 Like, I'm not worried about what you're doing 1176 00:59:35.940 --> 00:59:37.986 in your house or with your body. 1177 00:59:38.010 --> 00:59:40.766 Why are you so worried about me? 1178 00:59:40.790 --> 00:59:43.566 Like, you can't see that I am happy because you don't know 1179 00:59:43.590 --> 00:59:46.956 what I looked like before when I wanted to kill myself. 1180 00:59:46.980 --> 00:59:49.443 You don't know how hard it was to not kill myself. 1181 00:59:49.467 --> 00:59:54.333 I want people to be able to not look at me and see the word 1182 00:59:54.357 --> 00:59:58.563 "tranny" and at the same time I'm proud of being trans. 1183 00:59:59.895 --> 01:00:01.806 I want people to look at me and just be like, "Damn, 1184 01:00:01.830 --> 01:00:04.316 she went through hell, her own version of it, 1185 01:00:04.340 --> 01:00:06.546 and she's okay. 1186 01:00:06.570 --> 01:00:09.076 I can be okay too." 1187 01:00:09.100 --> 01:00:13.966 And I hate that slogan, like "It Gets Better" and it 1188 01:00:13.990 --> 01:00:17.816 sounds so terrible but I do, because I know that's to make 1189 01:00:17.840 --> 01:00:21.356 people feel better for the time but people need 1190 01:00:21.380 --> 01:00:23.616 to hear the truth. Like, it's fucking hard. 1191 01:00:23.640 --> 01:00:25.846 And that's why I feel like these people hurt themselves 1192 01:00:25.870 --> 01:00:28.006 because they keep having people in their face 1193 01:00:28.030 --> 01:00:30.256 going "it gets better" but they can't see it. 1194 01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:34.346 'Cause I'm living that "it gets better" thing and it's 1195 01:00:34.370 --> 01:00:38.056 still fucking hard. It's hard. 1196 01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:41.346 It's fucking hard. You wanna be happy? 1197 01:00:41.370 --> 01:00:43.226 It's gonna be hard. 1198 01:00:43.250 --> 01:00:45.363 But someone cares and someone needs you. 1199 01:00:47.866 --> 01:00:50.367 - [Man] We're being micromanaged by the federal government. 1200 01:00:50.391 --> 01:00:52.808 (TV blaring) 1201 01:01:04.533 --> 01:01:06.456 (lady laughing) 1202 01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:07.730 - You're getting a fever? 1203 01:01:10.935 --> 01:01:11.935 - Are you excited? 1204 01:01:13.120 --> 01:01:14.203 - I'm nervous. 1205 01:01:15.313 --> 01:01:17.156 - Eh, don't be nervous. 1206 01:01:17.180 --> 01:01:20.027 - Did you get your temperature taken? 1207 01:01:20.893 --> 01:01:21.893 - I'll do it right now. 1208 01:01:22.700 --> 01:01:24.513 - Yeah, show me. Show me the number. 1209 01:01:28.215 --> 01:01:29.886 - This is what it is. 1210 01:01:29.910 --> 01:01:32.336 - You really look like your mom with dark hair! 1211 01:01:32.360 --> 01:01:33.793 It freaks me out. 1212 01:01:34.680 --> 01:01:36.510 Maybe you have a bad fever... 1213 01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:39.994 - Maybe I'm the devil (thermometer beeps) 1214 01:01:40.018 --> 01:01:42.893 - Oh! - A hundred point-no. 1215 01:01:44.810 --> 01:01:47.071 - What if you're sick on Sunday? 1216 01:01:47.095 --> 01:01:48.316 Okay, here's the thing: if you're sick on Sunday do not 1217 01:01:48.340 --> 01:01:49.706 come up here. 1218 01:01:49.730 --> 01:01:52.146 I can't get sick and that's a real thing. 1219 01:01:52.170 --> 01:01:52.980 - No, I know. 1220 01:01:53.004 --> 01:01:56.676 - And I also don't want you to drive, obviously. 1221 01:01:56.700 --> 01:01:58.733 - Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. 1222 01:01:58.757 --> 01:02:00.156 I'm never sick- 1223 01:02:00.180 --> 01:02:02.326 - Yeah, but you do crazy shit when you're sick so 1224 01:02:02.350 --> 01:02:04.856 like (exasperated sigh) All right, I love you. 1225 01:02:04.880 --> 01:02:06.746 - I love you. 1226 01:02:06.770 --> 01:02:07.770 - Bye! - Bye! 1227 01:02:10.090 --> 01:02:11.090 - Oh, Yaya. 1228 01:02:17.980 --> 01:02:21.856 - I didn't read the internet at all, I only 1229 01:02:21.880 --> 01:02:25.836 listened to the doctor and then tonight I decided to have a 1230 01:02:25.860 --> 01:02:28.796 freak out and read the internet 1231 01:02:28.820 --> 01:02:31.936 and the internet said it sucks 1232 01:02:31.960 --> 01:02:36.066 and then now I feel like I didn't wanna have it 1233 01:02:36.090 --> 01:02:38.540 but I'm gonna have it and I'm just gonna have it. 1234 01:02:39.419 --> 01:02:42.016 I talked to my mom tonight and she said it's just normal 1235 01:02:42.040 --> 01:02:45.946 to be nervous about having surgery but... 1236 01:02:45.970 --> 01:02:46.887 Tony's funny. 1237 01:02:46.911 --> 01:02:48.910 He sent me a text message that was like, 1238 01:02:49.879 --> 01:02:51.333 I'll have to read it, 1239 01:02:51.357 --> 01:02:54.213 but it was just like, you inspire me to be my true self 1240 01:02:54.237 --> 01:02:57.696 and I was just like, I think you're really 1241 01:02:57.720 --> 01:02:59.013 your true self. 1242 01:02:59.037 --> 01:03:01.594 (laughing) There's really no fakin' that. 1243 01:03:01.618 --> 01:03:03.683 If you're not you, there's a problem. 1244 01:03:08.920 --> 01:03:11.903 This is, like, counts for the pre-surgical scrub, right? 1245 01:03:12.797 --> 01:03:16.173 (chuckles) You're bad. 1246 01:03:17.735 --> 01:03:22.735 (shower running) (Jack clears throat) 1247 01:03:32.540 --> 01:03:34.286 I was up all night. 1248 01:03:34.310 --> 01:03:36.093 I saw every hour of the clock. 1249 01:03:37.689 --> 01:03:39.636 - Aw, were you just stressin'? 1250 01:03:39.660 --> 01:03:42.236 Or you weren't tired? - I was tired. 1251 01:03:42.260 --> 01:03:43.483 I was stressed, I guess. 1252 01:03:46.446 --> 01:03:48.149 - Sorry! - Just flew out of me. 1253 01:03:48.173 --> 01:03:49.060 Guess we can turn around. (producer laughing) 1254 01:03:49.084 --> 01:03:50.203 Turn this car around! 1255 01:03:51.310 --> 01:03:54.613 I was thinkin' maybe I am sick and then I'm like, 1256 01:03:55.540 --> 01:03:58.590 if this is a problem for them and they cancel it... 1257 01:04:01.420 --> 01:04:03.270 is this just like the universe saying 1258 01:04:04.345 --> 01:04:05.437 (whispers) "Don't get it!" 1259 01:04:10.289 --> 01:04:11.846 Why would the universe say not to get a hysterectomy, 1260 01:04:11.870 --> 01:04:13.100 I don't know. 1261 01:04:18.030 --> 01:04:20.683 - Well, just get there and, you know, tell your doctors 1262 01:04:20.707 --> 01:04:23.483 what's up and take it from there, right? 1263 01:04:28.890 --> 01:04:30.726 - When I came out that I was gonna transition, 1264 01:04:30.750 --> 01:04:34.416 we were walking in Philly and we were doing something 1265 01:04:34.440 --> 01:04:35.963 and I kinda nonchalantly said 1266 01:04:35.987 --> 01:04:38.287 "Guys, I'm gonna transition into a woman." 1267 01:04:39.180 --> 01:04:41.656 And they all kinda looked at me 1268 01:04:41.680 --> 01:04:43.463 and then Jack was like, "Really?" 1269 01:04:43.487 --> 01:04:46.576 and I was like, "Yeah, I'm already taking estrogen. 1270 01:04:46.600 --> 01:04:49.606 I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna continue." And that was 1271 01:04:49.630 --> 01:04:50.440 kind of it. 1272 01:04:50.464 --> 01:04:53.756 And I had someone that I drove with in a car and I had 1273 01:04:53.780 --> 01:04:56.366 said to him, he was the first one, we were driving back 1274 01:04:56.390 --> 01:05:00.226 from one of my shows and I said, "Ricky, I think I need 1275 01:05:00.250 --> 01:05:04.696 to transition," and I started to cry and he goes, "Well, 1276 01:05:04.720 --> 01:05:07.346 from what I see, Yaya gets shit done. 1277 01:05:07.370 --> 01:05:10.576 And Chris kinda isn't as strong." 1278 01:05:10.600 --> 01:05:12.803 And I said "Because I'm not meant to be him," and he goes, 1279 01:05:12.827 --> 01:05:15.066 "There's your answer." That was it. 1280 01:05:15.090 --> 01:05:17.646 I just needed someone to confirm that. 1281 01:05:17.670 --> 01:05:20.586 I needed someone else that had picked up on that 1282 01:05:20.610 --> 01:05:22.676 'cause I had gone everywhere like this. 1283 01:05:22.700 --> 01:05:27.700 Now Jack, he's binded himself and never dressed feminine. 1284 01:05:28.130 --> 01:05:30.786 I think the last time he dressed feminine was, I think, 1285 01:05:30.810 --> 01:05:32.431 the high school prom! 1286 01:05:32.455 --> 01:05:34.446 And that was just for a prom, just for a picture, just so 1287 01:05:34.470 --> 01:05:35.397 they had it. 1288 01:05:35.421 --> 01:05:37.856 You know, it wasn't like, I don't really think that was 1289 01:05:37.880 --> 01:05:38.787 really a choice of his own. 1290 01:05:38.811 --> 01:05:40.946 I think it was, "I have to do this to make my parents happy" 1291 01:05:40.970 --> 01:05:42.293 type of thing. 1292 01:05:42.317 --> 01:05:44.516 I noticed he was kind of always really drunk 1293 01:05:44.540 --> 01:05:45.736 when he would come home and always like, 1294 01:05:45.760 --> 01:05:47.456 he didn't wanna be really near his family. 1295 01:05:47.480 --> 01:05:48.417 And he loves his family! 1296 01:05:48.441 --> 01:05:50.736 But he was, like, drifting from them and I felt like it was 1297 01:05:50.760 --> 01:05:54.506 because he was, he knew deep down that he was not 1298 01:05:54.530 --> 01:05:57.976 who he was portraying and... 1299 01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:00.316 I don't know, I just... 1300 01:06:00.340 --> 01:06:05.176 you finally get to see him and you can see, like, his chest 1301 01:06:05.200 --> 01:06:07.866 poked out and he's like walking 1302 01:06:07.890 --> 01:06:11.066 with that masculine confidence that he was suppressing, 1303 01:06:11.090 --> 01:06:11.900 in a way. 1304 01:06:11.924 --> 01:06:13.926 He let some of it out but now it's out. 1305 01:06:13.950 --> 01:06:15.406 Now he's like, "This is me." 1306 01:06:15.430 --> 01:06:16.936 You know, he's not afraid of things. 1307 01:06:16.960 --> 01:06:18.913 He has his moments that he'll call and go, 1308 01:06:18.937 --> 01:06:20.963 "I'm having a day, I'm having a day." 1309 01:06:20.987 --> 01:06:22.404 And I'm like, "Okay, what kind of day are 1310 01:06:22.428 --> 01:06:23.407 you having today?" 1311 01:06:23.431 --> 01:06:28.367 "I didn't take my, I have to take my, uh, my testosterone 1312 01:06:28.391 --> 01:06:31.044 but I'm mad! I feel crazy!" 1313 01:06:31.068 --> 01:06:33.525 And I'm like, "Okay, be mad and crazy. 1314 01:06:33.549 --> 01:06:34.359 What are you mad and crazy about?" 1315 01:06:34.383 --> 01:06:36.226 "Oh, it's this." I'm like, "Oh it's nothing. 1316 01:06:36.250 --> 01:06:37.806 Oh it's nothing. You'll be fine. 1317 01:06:37.830 --> 01:06:40.346 You'll be fine." "Uh blah blah blah!" 1318 01:06:40.370 --> 01:06:42.416 "You'll be fine. You'll be fine. 1319 01:06:42.440 --> 01:06:44.716 Like, there are so many worse things that could happen. 1320 01:06:44.740 --> 01:06:45.740 You will be fine." 1321 01:06:47.287 --> 01:06:52.287 (slow, somber music) (car blinker ticking) 1322 01:07:24.247 --> 01:07:26.747 (dog barking) 1323 01:07:44.562 --> 01:07:47.037 - (yawns) I'm starving. 1324 01:07:47.061 --> 01:07:49.009 (gasps) Hi! C'mere boyfriend! 1325 01:07:49.033 --> 01:07:51.757 C'mere! Hi, I'm back! Hi! Hi! 1326 01:07:53.159 --> 01:07:54.159 So cute! Hi. 1327 01:07:57.068 --> 01:08:00.226 - Hi. - Aw, (giggles) I'm sorry. 1328 01:08:00.250 --> 01:08:03.286 Your mustache! Look at it! 1329 01:08:03.310 --> 01:08:04.576 How are ya? 1330 01:08:04.600 --> 01:08:05.781 - Are those new shoes? I like 'em. 1331 01:08:05.805 --> 01:08:07.926 - No, they're the same. - They're cute. 1332 01:08:07.950 --> 01:08:10.766 - Where's the flour? - In that red thing 1333 01:08:10.790 --> 01:08:12.123 - Oh, yeah. - The big one. 1334 01:08:16.100 --> 01:08:17.976 - She's trying to be fancy. 1335 01:08:18.000 --> 01:08:20.506 - No, this, you didn't give me a rolling pin, 1336 01:08:20.530 --> 01:08:22.486 but look how far I got. 1337 01:08:22.510 --> 01:08:25.525 - I use a wine bottle. Don't move, okay? 1338 01:08:25.549 --> 01:08:27.106 - That's actually not a bad idea... 1339 01:08:27.130 --> 01:08:29.327 - I get into the operating room, I get in there, 1340 01:08:29.351 --> 01:08:33.036 then I'm still on my Valium. 1341 01:08:33.060 --> 01:08:35.426 And it's all these nurses, just all these beautiful 1342 01:08:35.450 --> 01:08:39.046 women all around, just anesthesiologists, doctors, 1343 01:08:39.070 --> 01:08:41.589 and I just like was crying because I was really high 1344 01:08:41.613 --> 01:08:44.263 and I'm like, tears are in my eyes, and I just go, 1345 01:08:44.287 --> 01:08:46.846 "I'm just so glad there's no men here," 1346 01:08:46.870 --> 01:08:50.044 and they all just start cracking up and then they just, 1347 01:08:50.068 --> 01:08:51.786 like, were like, "Okay, count to 10 backwards" 1348 01:08:51.810 --> 01:08:53.427 or whatever and then I was out. 1349 01:08:58.420 --> 01:09:00.120 Do you see my stomach? Look at it. 1350 01:09:01.887 --> 01:09:04.622 It's like a fuckin' watermelon in it. 1351 01:09:04.646 --> 01:09:07.836 - I think we need to pull this up on the TV and watch 1352 01:09:07.860 --> 01:09:12.097 what they do. - I feel, like, really sick. 1353 01:09:12.121 --> 01:09:15.916 I don't even know when I'm gonna not feel like this. 1354 01:09:15.940 --> 01:09:19.407 - Oh my god. You're... (snorts then laughs) 1355 01:09:19.431 --> 01:09:22.076 - I'm gonna fuckin- - You're such a big baby. 1356 01:09:22.100 --> 01:09:24.796 You're gonna be so thankful in six months 1357 01:09:24.820 --> 01:09:27.176 when you never have to worry about this ever again. 1358 01:09:27.200 --> 01:09:29.436 - I didn't say I wasn't gonna be thankful, you asshole. 1359 01:09:29.460 --> 01:09:30.620 - I know but don't be a jerk. 1360 01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:33.754 What do you mean I don't know 1361 01:09:33.778 --> 01:09:35.138 when I'm gonna not feel like this. 1362 01:09:36.900 --> 01:09:39.396 - Call 911 if I faint. - Nah, I'll just leave you 1363 01:09:39.420 --> 01:09:42.626 there and look at ya and take pictures. (laughs) 1364 01:09:42.650 --> 01:09:44.773 - You'll be playing Candy Crush. 1365 01:09:44.797 --> 01:09:47.856 - Yeah! I'll play Candy Crush while you're passed out. 1366 01:09:47.880 --> 01:09:51.130 It's what I do to MomMom. It's perfect. 1367 01:09:52.155 --> 01:09:54.905 (wind swooshing) 1368 01:10:11.370 --> 01:10:12.247 - What's today, Jack? 1369 01:10:12.271 --> 01:10:15.296 - Today is Super Bowl Sunday! 1370 01:10:15.320 --> 01:10:16.999 - Before I wreck the video camera... 1371 01:10:17.023 --> 01:10:18.977 - Today the Eagles are gonna win! 1372 01:10:19.001 --> 01:10:20.001 - I hope so. 1373 01:10:22.430 --> 01:10:24.383 - Dallas won, even though they suck. 1374 01:10:25.872 --> 01:10:27.322 Oh well, not this year, boys. 1375 01:10:32.838 --> 01:10:34.926 - Third time's the charm. 1376 01:10:34.950 --> 01:10:36.672 He blocks, see how he came up and checked him? 1377 01:10:36.696 --> 01:10:38.756 'Cause the quarterback, if you go back... 1378 01:10:38.780 --> 01:10:40.232 - Oh, I see. 1379 01:10:40.256 --> 01:10:41.656 - You watch Matt Ryan, he turns. 1380 01:10:41.680 --> 01:10:43.336 - To go throw it back to him. 1381 01:10:43.360 --> 01:10:44.386 - Back to him and he sees he's covered. 1382 01:10:44.410 --> 01:10:46.623 Watch, just let it play. He throws the ball. 1383 01:10:46.647 --> 01:10:49.046 Now look, look, look, look. Now watch, look! 1384 01:10:49.070 --> 01:10:50.243 Look, see! Look! 1385 01:10:51.250 --> 01:10:52.996 - I'm in here for a reason, hold on. 1386 01:10:53.020 --> 01:10:55.436 Oh! He took it. Never mind, there is no reason. 1387 01:10:55.460 --> 01:10:57.816 John drinks the same wine I do now and I thought his open 1388 01:10:57.840 --> 01:11:00.176 bottle was still in there so I was gonna drink it first. 1389 01:11:00.200 --> 01:11:02.776 They're so excited and cheery that it feels like that. 1390 01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:05.646 It feels like a holiday, which has kind of got me 1391 01:11:05.670 --> 01:11:07.436 in a good, decent mood. 1392 01:11:07.460 --> 01:11:10.786 Me, John, and Justin were literally like fuck this shit. 1393 01:11:10.810 --> 01:11:12.509 'Cause we've had enough. 1394 01:11:12.533 --> 01:11:13.636 Like, we got, like, tormented! 1395 01:11:13.660 --> 01:11:18.163 If they lost, everybody was mad and pissy and it was just, 1396 01:11:18.187 --> 01:11:20.536 we were just like, I don't fuckin' care. 1397 01:11:20.560 --> 01:11:21.806 Plus we were all gay! 1398 01:11:21.830 --> 01:11:23.544 And football was the thing that like, 1399 01:11:23.568 --> 01:11:25.046 you should play football! 1400 01:11:25.070 --> 01:11:27.883 You guys are big boys! You should be hitting people! 1401 01:11:27.907 --> 01:11:29.796 And I'm like, oh I'm gonna hit people. 1402 01:11:29.820 --> 01:11:31.626 It's just not gonna be football. 1403 01:11:31.650 --> 01:11:32.866 I am excited for this game though 1404 01:11:32.890 --> 01:11:35.086 because, like I said, they all seem 1405 01:11:35.110 --> 01:11:37.913 super like, cheery and... 1406 01:11:40.294 --> 01:11:42.144 They just seem like, what's the word? 1407 01:11:43.940 --> 01:11:44.750 Alive? 1408 01:11:44.774 --> 01:11:47.599 Like, they usually are, like, diehard like crazy that's why 1409 01:11:47.623 --> 01:11:50.373 they have such a bad rap, but they really seem like... 1410 01:11:51.740 --> 01:11:53.532 their hope is there. 1411 01:11:53.556 --> 01:11:56.473 (combined chatter) 1412 01:11:57.920 --> 01:12:00.307 Look at my dad, he's so anxious right now. 1413 01:12:01.737 --> 01:12:04.570 (people laughing) 1414 01:12:06.987 --> 01:12:07.987 Oh! 1415 01:12:09.291 --> 01:12:10.291 - All right! 1416 01:12:12.685 --> 01:12:13.685 - Let's go! 1417 01:12:15.151 --> 01:12:18.901 (all screaming and cheering) 1418 01:12:24.591 --> 01:12:25.924 Needed that one! 1419 01:12:28.308 --> 01:12:29.585 - Shit! 1420 01:12:29.609 --> 01:12:32.273 (all screaming) 1421 01:12:32.297 --> 01:12:34.181 - (yelling) Fuck! Was that a pick?! 1422 01:12:34.205 --> 01:12:35.622 - Yes! - Flip it! 1423 01:12:42.148 --> 01:12:45.065 - I'm not looking. I'm not looking. 1424 01:12:46.831 --> 01:12:48.247 - Oh. My. God. - Touchdown! 1425 01:12:48.271 --> 01:12:52.803 (all screaming and cheering) 1426 01:12:52.827 --> 01:12:55.388 ♪ Fly Eagles Fly ♪ 1427 01:12:55.412 --> 01:12:59.204 ♪ Score a touchdown 1, 2, 1, 2, 3 ♪ 1428 01:12:59.228 --> 01:13:02.482 ♪ Hit 'em low Hit 'em high ♪ 1429 01:13:02.506 --> 01:13:06.045 ♪ And watch our Eagles fly ♪ 1430 01:13:06.069 --> 01:13:09.486 E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! 1431 01:13:10.988 --> 01:13:12.571 - Watch this catch. 1432 01:13:15.837 --> 01:13:20.837 - Best receiver in the clutch, in the big moments. 1433 01:13:21.980 --> 01:13:23.934 In the fourth quarter. 1434 01:13:23.958 --> 01:13:25.541 - This is horrible. 1435 01:13:29.303 --> 01:13:30.470 - Fuck! - Fuck. 1436 01:13:32.230 --> 01:13:34.380 Seven points doesn't mean we can't be beat. 1437 01:13:36.030 --> 01:13:37.323 Take all the clock off. 1438 01:13:39.070 --> 01:13:40.070 Eat up the clock. 1439 01:13:41.181 --> 01:13:44.618 Just eat the clock up. Just eat the clock up. 1440 01:13:44.642 --> 01:13:45.826 - Too much to eat! 1441 01:13:45.850 --> 01:13:46.893 - One more play! 1442 01:13:54.616 --> 01:13:57.370 - Oh my God. I'm gonna be sick. 1443 01:13:57.394 --> 01:13:59.372 I'm gonna be sick! 1444 01:13:59.396 --> 01:14:02.989 - No, no, no. - C'mon! 1445 01:14:03.013 --> 01:14:06.513 (shouting) - Guys, c'mon! 1446 01:14:07.547 --> 01:14:10.024 - We're intercepting that! 1447 01:14:10.048 --> 01:14:12.888 - That was so close. 1448 01:14:12.912 --> 01:14:14.408 - That's it? - Game over! 1449 01:14:14.432 --> 01:14:16.099 - That's it! (screaming and cheering) 1450 01:14:16.123 --> 01:14:18.706 (joyful music) 1451 01:14:25.232 --> 01:14:27.149 - Holy shit. Holy shit! 1452 01:14:27.173 --> 01:14:29.756 (all cheering) 1453 01:14:39.013 --> 01:14:40.096 - Yeah! Yeah! 1454 01:14:46.432 --> 01:14:47.486 - That was probably the best Super Bowl I ever watched 1455 01:14:47.510 --> 01:14:50.568 in my life. Even though we won it! 1456 01:14:50.592 --> 01:14:55.592 - That was insane! It was the picture! 1457 01:14:55.648 --> 01:14:58.363 - It was the picture. (laughs) 1458 01:14:58.387 --> 01:14:59.433 - I need a lighter. 1459 01:15:03.765 --> 01:15:06.099 - You're wearin' number 36. 1460 01:15:06.123 --> 01:15:07.123 - The number was 41! 1461 01:15:09.420 --> 01:15:12.104 - I don't think this is a good time to talk to us. 1462 01:15:12.128 --> 01:15:13.143 - I think it's the perfect time to talk to you. 1463 01:15:13.167 --> 01:15:14.543 - I don't think it's not good. 1464 01:15:14.567 --> 01:15:18.239 - (laughing) I don't think it's not good! 1465 01:15:18.263 --> 01:15:21.780 - We did it, old man! We won, motherfucker! 1466 01:15:21.804 --> 01:15:25.279 - (giggling) Awww. 1467 01:15:25.303 --> 01:15:26.446 - That's what I was waiting for. The end! 1468 01:15:26.470 --> 01:15:27.777 Don't tell me what I was doin', 1469 01:15:27.801 --> 01:15:29.496 oh I was a shitty dad all day- 1470 01:15:29.520 --> 01:15:30.447 - Ahh all day long he was- 1471 01:15:30.471 --> 01:15:33.476 - I was waitin' for the end! I was waitin' for the end! 1472 01:15:33.500 --> 01:15:37.196 - You were in a bad mood all day! 1473 01:15:37.220 --> 01:15:39.916 If the Eagles lost, we didn't talk on all, 1474 01:15:39.940 --> 01:15:43.216 well from the rest of Sunday into Monday. 1475 01:15:43.240 --> 01:15:45.836 If the Eagles won, we went to 7-11 and we got nachos 1476 01:15:45.860 --> 01:15:47.226 and then we watched "The Simpsons." 1477 01:15:47.250 --> 01:15:48.250 It was really cool. 1478 01:15:50.210 --> 01:15:52.123 - Even Pam's happy! Holy shit. 1479 01:16:02.641 --> 01:16:06.531 Yaya! (laughs) The dogs are... 1480 01:16:06.555 --> 01:16:09.956 Yaya, the dogs are barking! 1481 01:16:09.980 --> 01:16:11.215 Yaya! 1482 01:16:11.239 --> 01:16:12.049 - She's right here. 1483 01:16:12.073 --> 01:16:13.873 - Jack, I don't have the patience. Shut up. 1484 01:16:14.856 --> 01:16:15.666 (Jack laughing) It's not even funny. 1485 01:16:15.690 --> 01:16:16.770 I'm gonna- - Kim Kardashian. 1486 01:16:17.770 --> 01:16:18.966 - I don't picture her as a happy traveler... 1487 01:16:18.990 --> 01:16:21.476 - Yaya, you're getting the dogs to bark. (giggling) 1488 01:16:21.500 --> 01:16:22.474 - You're doing it! 1489 01:16:22.498 --> 01:16:23.913 I'm not the one fuckin' screamin'! 1490 01:16:23.937 --> 01:16:25.673 Here, you could have been a man and carried this. 1491 01:16:25.697 --> 01:16:26.676 - We need to be- 1492 01:16:26.700 --> 01:16:27.655 - I understand, but you could have helped me 1493 01:16:27.679 --> 01:16:28.975 and carried this. 1494 01:16:28.999 --> 01:16:30.986 And I also sold cupcakes five minutes before you walked 1495 01:16:31.010 --> 01:16:32.457 in the kitchen. - Yeah, I know. 1496 01:16:32.481 --> 01:16:36.036 - Well (scoffs) it wasn't like I wasn't doing stuff! 1497 01:16:36.060 --> 01:16:36.870 - I know! 1498 01:16:36.894 --> 01:16:37.946 I didn't think you weren't not doing stuff! 1499 01:16:37.970 --> 01:16:38.970 We gotta go! 1500 01:16:47.303 --> 01:16:50.970 (rhythmic, uplifting music) 1501 01:16:59.201 --> 01:17:03.034 (Jack and Yaya both laughing) 1502 01:17:13.090 --> 01:17:14.336 - Mom! Is your car parked? 1503 01:17:14.360 --> 01:17:15.480 - Hurry up! - I'm pushin' it. 1504 01:17:30.417 --> 01:17:32.193 - All right, Chrissy. This is yours, baby. 1505 01:17:34.480 --> 01:17:37.516 - I was thankful that Chrissy had our 1506 01:17:37.540 --> 01:17:41.756 house to play with dolls and to be girly and to twirl. 1507 01:17:41.780 --> 01:17:44.480 I feel like she did it more at our house than her own. 1508 01:17:47.590 --> 01:17:48.966 Jack never really played with the dolls 1509 01:17:48.990 --> 01:17:50.306 but I was too, like, oblivious. 1510 01:17:50.330 --> 01:17:52.846 I was like, I dunno, she's a girl, I'm gonna 1511 01:17:52.870 --> 01:17:54.276 give her dolls! 1512 01:17:54.300 --> 01:17:58.586 It's weird I was oblivious to the fact that Jack was Jack. 1513 01:17:58.610 --> 01:18:00.666 Like all the signs were there. 1514 01:18:00.690 --> 01:18:01.923 Like when Jack was, like, three, 1515 01:18:01.947 --> 01:18:04.306 "I want a wallet like my dad!" 1516 01:18:04.330 --> 01:18:06.946 And he'd slick his hair back, and put the wallet and wear 1517 01:18:06.970 --> 01:18:11.113 jeans and I was like all right, it's just a phase. 1518 01:18:11.137 --> 01:18:12.703 - Where we goin' first, JoJo? 1519 01:18:12.727 --> 01:18:14.646 - Home! Home so I can change! 1520 01:18:14.670 --> 01:18:17.588 Home so I can change! - The restaurant? The diner? 1521 01:18:17.612 --> 01:18:20.146 - Home so I can change. I don't care. 1522 01:18:20.170 --> 01:18:21.676 - He was in high school. 1523 01:18:21.700 --> 01:18:24.610 And Jack was like, Mom, I have something to tell you. 1524 01:18:24.634 --> 01:18:25.865 And I was like, ooh good! 1525 01:18:25.889 --> 01:18:27.076 'Cause I was happy that he was talking to me, you know how 1526 01:18:27.100 --> 01:18:29.276 teenagers don't talk, and Jack was like, no, 1527 01:18:29.300 --> 01:18:32.273 it's not good, Lindsay and I think we're gay. 1528 01:18:33.692 --> 01:18:36.556 (chuckles) And I was like, okay, well, it's probably 1529 01:18:36.580 --> 01:18:39.356 just a phase, you know, you like each other. 1530 01:18:39.380 --> 01:18:40.713 I was so dumb! 1531 01:18:40.737 --> 01:18:43.586 Yeah, I was like in denial. 1532 01:18:43.610 --> 01:18:46.236 And then Traci and Jack and I went shopping one time 1533 01:18:46.260 --> 01:18:48.376 and they go into the men's department. 1534 01:18:48.400 --> 01:18:49.436 It really bothered me 1535 01:18:49.460 --> 01:18:51.756 that we were picking out boys' clothes. 1536 01:18:51.780 --> 01:18:53.456 And Traci thought it was nothing! 1537 01:18:53.480 --> 01:18:54.976 Traci was like, "Oh yeah, Jack, 1538 01:18:55.000 --> 01:18:57.056 this flannel shirt will look good." 1539 01:18:57.080 --> 01:18:58.483 And Jack's like, "Yeah!" 1540 01:18:58.507 --> 01:19:00.346 And it didn't even occur to me, and the whole time 1541 01:19:00.370 --> 01:19:01.180 I'm freaking out. 1542 01:19:01.204 --> 01:19:03.916 I'm thinking why are we picking out, like it's okay 1543 01:19:03.940 --> 01:19:06.806 to be a lesbian, but why're you wearing boys' clothes? 1544 01:19:06.830 --> 01:19:08.146 And the hardest thing is saying "he." 1545 01:19:08.170 --> 01:19:09.593 That's the hardest for me. 1546 01:19:10.550 --> 01:19:12.946 And, telling people, oh do you have children? 1547 01:19:12.970 --> 01:19:14.596 Automatically I would say, "Oh, I have two daughters," 1548 01:19:14.620 --> 01:19:16.546 and then I'm like, well wait, and then I just started a new 1549 01:19:16.570 --> 01:19:18.946 job and I'm like, all right, should I just tell them 1550 01:19:18.970 --> 01:19:19.779 I have a son and a daughter? 1551 01:19:19.803 --> 01:19:20.613 I'll just do that. 1552 01:19:20.637 --> 01:19:22.386 And then someone said, "Oh, do you have kids?" 1553 01:19:22.410 --> 01:19:23.810 and I was like, "Yeah I have two daughters" 1554 01:19:23.834 --> 01:19:26.716 And I'm like, "Why'd I just say I have two daughters?" 1555 01:19:26.740 --> 01:19:29.256 No, Jack was always happy and easy and fun. 1556 01:19:29.280 --> 01:19:33.996 I don't think I do see a difference. 1557 01:19:34.020 --> 01:19:36.840 I guess Jack hides his anxiety well, I don't know. 1558 01:19:40.292 --> 01:19:43.042 (waves crashing) 1559 01:19:46.640 --> 01:19:49.666 They are the best. They're like so not cookie cutter. 1560 01:19:49.690 --> 01:19:54.690 And they're both so smart and quick and fun to be around. 1561 01:19:55.150 --> 01:19:56.296 They're awesome. 1562 01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:59.683 - Do you want this one? - What? No, I want this one. 1563 01:20:01.258 --> 01:20:03.258 It's purple. It matches. 1564 01:20:07.457 --> 01:20:09.591 (quiet, emotional music) - Let's race them. 1565 01:20:09.615 --> 01:20:12.976 ♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪ (Jack laughs) 1566 01:20:13.000 --> 01:20:15.576 - Our friendship is this giant thing. 1567 01:20:15.600 --> 01:20:17.026 Our friendship is huge. 1568 01:20:17.050 --> 01:20:20.109 Unless you have this you don't get it. 1569 01:20:20.133 --> 01:20:23.066 You don't get a person, you do not, you're not 1570 01:20:23.090 --> 01:20:28.090 guaranteed a person to be in your life from the time you can 1571 01:20:28.750 --> 01:20:31.646 remember 'til now. 1572 01:20:31.670 --> 01:20:33.186 - Nobody does that. 1573 01:20:33.210 --> 01:20:35.406 Like, people don't stay friends like that. 1574 01:20:35.430 --> 01:20:37.904 - You very rarely get to have a person 1575 01:20:37.928 --> 01:20:41.386 who knows all the shitty things you've said 1576 01:20:41.410 --> 01:20:44.636 and all the shitty things you've done and loves you still. 1577 01:20:44.660 --> 01:20:45.660 - That's a song. 1578 01:20:46.820 --> 01:20:48.205 - Which one? 1579 01:20:48.229 --> 01:20:49.629 - "All The Things She Said." 1580 01:20:51.129 --> 01:20:52.397 - (laughing) Is that T.A.t.U.?! 1581 01:20:54.069 --> 01:20:57.069 (drum circle music) 1582 01:21:02.900 --> 01:21:05.485 - Walk over? - I don't know. 1583 01:21:05.509 --> 01:21:07.842 That's what I did last time. 1584 01:21:10.309 --> 01:21:13.809 (upbeat, emotional music) 1585 01:21:45.730 --> 01:21:48.542 - Having him in my life has been so important. 1586 01:21:48.566 --> 01:21:51.746 We are so strongly connected in that weird way. 1587 01:21:51.770 --> 01:21:53.876 The best thing of knowing him for 30 years 1588 01:21:53.900 --> 01:21:55.476 is that connection. 1589 01:21:55.500 --> 01:21:58.423 Like, we just always were. 1590 01:21:59.547 --> 01:22:02.964 (upbeat music continues)