1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:16,929 - See, now it's recording, 4 00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,975 see the little thing up there. ♪ Da da da 5 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,543 ♪ Da da da da da dum - Sing a song for me. 6 00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:25,547 ♪ Ba da da da da da da dum da 7 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,462 ♪ Tsch tsch tsch tsch 8 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:30,682 ♪ Always look at the bright side of life ♪ 9 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,250 ♪ Ba doo da doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪ 10 00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:36,558 ♪ Always look at the bright side of life ♪ 11 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:38,516 ♪ Ba doo da doo da doo da doo 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,476 ♪ When your brain is poured out unto your ear ♪ 13 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:44,653 ♪ It's about time to 14 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,003 Anybody, anybody? 15 00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:54,619 Stop the cheer, no, that's not good. 16 00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:04,499 ♪ It's about time to say goodbye dear ♪ 17 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:14,422 [sniffling] 18 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:15,858 I'm ready to take a break. 19 00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,469 - Okay. [sighs] 20 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:21,124 - Just do a documentary. wewere trying to figure out what? 21 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,038 - That's right. - What do we wanna say? 22 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,996 - We wanna say what we're doing. 23 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,259 - Oh good. - Go ahead, "We"- 24 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,174 say something. - All right, so I'm Camila. 25 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:28,827 - And I'm Linda. 26 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:32,309 - We are leaving today for our honeymoon across the country. 27 00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:36,008 We're heading for the West Coast and we just, 28 00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:39,621 let's see, we got married in Northhampton on Saturday, 29 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:42,493 two days-- - On the Smith College Campus. 30 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,843 - Campus, accompanies by Linda's cousin Susie 31 00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:47,542 and my son, Jeffrey, and our granddaughter, Sparrow, 32 00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:50,458 were observing via Skype. 33 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,068 - There are the rings. 34 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,505 - Until we find something that we like a little bit better. 35 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,420 - Hard to imagine, but there you have it. 36 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,161 - And we're starting our West Coast trip. 37 00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,510 - We're starting our West Coast trip. 38 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:00,859 - All right, bye. 39 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:01,904 - Goodbye. 40 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:02,731 - Bye now. 41 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,389 - Help. [chuckling] 42 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:12,393 [car engine rumbling] 43 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:15,613 [gentle acoustic music] 44 00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:41,204 - Super. [indicator clicking] 45 00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:42,553 Camila is our driver today. 46 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:47,558 And I'm up here in the copilot seat, it's hard work. 47 00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,518 We're roughing it, that's right. 48 00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:52,650 Camila just mentioned 49 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:56,045 I should be more careful with my panning 50 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,875 but this is gonna be a nauseating film anyway 51 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,659 so we're not sure we care about the panning. 52 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,400 So there you have it. 53 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:04,575 [acoustic guitar music] 54 00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:06,186 - This is Linda Folley. 55 00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:12,104 Funny, bright, 50 years young, 56 00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,542 off to see America 57 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,544 with her newlywed, Camila. 58 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,592 I wouldn't meet them until three years later, 59 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,205 in the summer of 2013. 60 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,511 [birds twittering] 61 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:30,862 We had no plan, no greater vision. 62 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:36,520 Our only objective was to capture what we could 63 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:40,568 of Linda before she was taken from us. 64 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:41,612 - Hi cutie. 65 00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:42,396 - Hi. 66 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,658 - Whatcha doing? 67 00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,921 - I though I'd read a little bit. 68 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,531 - Oh? 69 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:48,793 - Feels a little sacrilegious with all this scenery here. 70 00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,317 I feel like I should just be looking out 71 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,537 the windows the whole time, or going outside. 72 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:55,887 - But it's cold and windy outside. 73 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:58,107 - It's very, very cold outside. 74 00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,848 Especially if you're wearing shorts. 75 00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,153 [laughing] 76 00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,330 I suppose I could put on real pants. 77 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,028 - The video we're seeing was shot 78 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,551 when she was 50 years old. 79 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,381 When Linda was 52 years old, 80 00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,993 she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. 81 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:21,086 Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia, 82 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,437 with over 50 million cases worldwide. 83 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,397 In roughly 5% of these cases, 84 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,139 the patient is younger than 70 years old. 85 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,881 - I'll tell you what I tell medical students. 86 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,491 If you want to understand dementia, 87 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,972 here's what you remember. 88 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:42,020 Dementia is the gradual irreversible loss 89 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:46,416 of previously attained cognitive function. 90 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,113 Alzheimer's is one type of that, 91 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,594 but that's the definition of dementia. 92 00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:54,424 - My name is Jake and I'm a filmmaker 93 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:57,558 from Linda and Camila's hometown of Ithaca, New York. 94 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,302 I was referred by a mutual friend, Liza Breslaw, 95 00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,695 who had known me from a toddler. 96 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,396 Liza also knew that I'd been raised by two lesbians 97 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,702 and would not be shy to that family dynamic. 98 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,055 What I didn't know, until Linda told me, 99 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:19,493 is that she too had known me as a baby. 100 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:23,279 She and my mother, Ellen, had played on 101 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,890 the same team in the local softball league for years. 102 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:30,155 The league had been one of many social safe havens 103 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:33,420 for Ithaca's LGBT community and their families 104 00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:34,943 in the '80s and '90s. 105 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,383 When I first sat down with the two of them, 106 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,777 I knew almost nothing about Alzheimer's. 107 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:47,564 What I knew was that Camila was devastated 108 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,262 at the thought of losing her new true love, 109 00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:51,655 and that they both believed, 110 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:55,267 that by inviting me into their home and their lives, 111 00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:58,575 there was hope yet of preservingLinda and her identity. 112 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,362 I would soon learn that in addition 113 00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,451 to her athletic ingenuity, Linda was also 114 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,496 an intellectual powerhouse. 115 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,369 - Every time I sat down with Linda, 116 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:11,675 I learned something fascinating that she had done 117 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:14,504 with her life, from being a computer programmer 118 00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:19,553 to flying a plane, worked on DNA research 119 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:25,123 with yeast cells, and I could find out something more 120 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:27,082 about this woman every time I'd sit down 121 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,476 to have a conversation with her. 122 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,566 - Linda had received her bachelor's from 123 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,742 where she became the first female conductor 124 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,570 of the Brown Band. 125 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:39,137 She graduated Magna Cum Laude before attending 126 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,270 the University of Colorado, 127 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:44,926 where she received a PhD inmolecular and cellular biology. 128 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:49,452 She later took an interest in browser-based code writing 129 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:52,020 from which she earned her impressive living. 130 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,588 - Linda was exceptionally good at that. 131 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,067 - Yes. 132 00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,547 - She scored, I think she, if I'm remembering right, 133 00:06:57,591 --> 00:07:00,463 in the 98th percentile for analytical skills. 134 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,899 - Yeah. - And she said, 135 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:05,076 "Just so you know, that means 98% the population is 136 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,600 "less analytical than I am." 137 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:07,775 It's like yeah, I can see that. 138 00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,996 - By the time we met in August of 2013, 139 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,955 Linda had stopped working all together. 140 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,437 Once a visionary in a new technical field, 141 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,310 Linda's prowess for coding had been stolen by Alzheimer's. 142 00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,443 - That, again, speaks to Linda's integrity though 143 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,009 because I remember talking to her 144 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:28,012 and she would say, "You know, I worked on this all night 145 00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,666 "and it shouldn't have taken me that long. 146 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,408 "I can't bill them for eight hours of work for something 147 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,715 "that should've only taken me three hours to do." 148 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,718 - Camila, who'd worked almost 20 years in 149 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,808 the county as a registered nurse, had recently made 150 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:43,985 the decision to retire to take care of Linda. 151 00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:47,771 - I'm very grateful to Camila and very- 152 00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:53,255 I feel very happy that she was in Linda's life 153 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:56,867 because it could have been really different. 154 00:07:56,911 --> 00:08:01,263 Because not everybody else would have been caring 155 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:06,311 and really self-sacrificing to make it - 156 00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:09,793 the time that Linda had - to be Linda's time. 157 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,451 - I decided I wanted to conduct separate interviews. 158 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,454 Each were to prepare a few questions they'd like 159 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,455 to ask the other. 160 00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:23,241 Some of their questions were fun and light, 161 00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,506 while some were heavier, in recognition 162 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,464 of the limited time we had available. 163 00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:31,641 I, of course, prepared my own. 164 00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:37,299 Okay Linda, I think an easy starter question. 165 00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:38,213 - Okay. 166 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,476 - So how did you meet Camila? 167 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:46,526 - Oh, how did I meet Camila? 168 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,314 That's one of those things that she would have 169 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:56,274 to give me a hint because I know I'm supposed 170 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,580 to know it totally. 171 00:08:58,668 --> 00:08:59,756 But I don't. 172 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:00,670 - Okay. 173 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,237 - I'm not remembering it now. 174 00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:07,242 - Oh gosh, I think I met Linda at church, 175 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,505 the Unitarian Universalist's Society. 176 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,987 And so we were friends and acquaintances from Coffee Hour 177 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:17,295 and from the community, before we got together. 178 00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,906 That's where we met. 179 00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:22,823 - Yeah, I rely a lot on Camila answering questions for me, 180 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:26,566 at this point, I do. 181 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,352 Give me a minute to think. 182 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,530 - Hi, Lin. 183 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,967 - Hey, honey. 184 00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,709 [birds chirping] 185 00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:44,322 [gentle acoustic music] 186 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:47,848 ♪ Come sing a song with me 187 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:52,504 - Well, it could have been at the Unitarian Church 188 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:55,595 but I'm not sure. [sighs] 189 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:05,430 ♪ Our love is here to stay 190 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,613 [Linda sighs] 191 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:20,097 - Oh, this is terrible because I don't remember. 192 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,885 [sobbing] I don't remember. 193 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,977 And it's like it's in there but I don't have any tab to 194 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,545 pull it out of the file drawer. 195 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,550 You'll have to ask her, she'll know all of it. 196 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,119 [sniffling] 197 00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:45,340 I'm sorry. 198 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:46,471 - No, don't be sorry. 199 00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:48,125 [gentle piano music] 200 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,474 - So here we are, go ahead, honey. 201 00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:51,433 - It's 6:00 a.m. and we just crossed 202 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:54,479 from Illinois into Iowa, we're at the Visitor's Center 203 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,525 which of course doesn't open 'til 8:30. 204 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,179 - And what is that behind us? 205 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,356 - And why are we happy that we're in Iowa? 206 00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:08,493 - We're already married, but it's great to be supported. 207 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,234 - [laughs] It is. 208 00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,714 - All right. - Okay. 209 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,281 - Buh-bye. 210 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:16,850 - I was very lucky to have met Linda Folley shortly after 211 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:20,592 I moved here to Ithaca, and... 212 00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:23,247 she was a very passionate person, 213 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,641 a very sexy woman. 214 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,904 She really deserved to have a wonderful partner. 215 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:33,605 So I guess Camila came into her life, 216 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,737 and from my vantage point, 217 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:38,523 I was like a doubting older sister. 218 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,744 Like okay, prove to me that you actually are good 219 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,920 for this person and that you love them 220 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,269 and that you'd want them. 221 00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:50,187 - When I first heard that my mom was getting together 222 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:53,495 with Linda, I wanted to be upset. 223 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,018 I didn't want to like her. 224 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,541 I didn't know who this person was, 225 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:58,456 I didn't know anything about her. 226 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:03,287 - Linda came into my family instantly. 227 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,594 It didn't take very long. 228 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:10,381 My mom and her got together and it was the real deal, 229 00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:13,428 but I didn't ever really know my mom was a lesbian. 230 00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:18,128 It wasn't really explained to me. 231 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:21,479 I got the idea pretty quick, but I also, 232 00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:24,656 she did point out that she hadn't met Linda yet, 233 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,094 she hadn't met the right person yet. 234 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:29,531 - She was so in love with Linda 235 00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:32,752 and Linda was so in love with her, it was like instant. 236 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,362 I thought, "You've done it!" 237 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:35,798 This is the right person. 238 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,758 She's got the right amount of smarts for you, 239 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:42,022 she's got the right amount of empathy for the world. 240 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:45,416 - My mother saw her for what she was, 241 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,115 just an amazing human being... 242 00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:51,466 and they saw each other. 243 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:56,558 That was the shock for me, was that... 244 00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,125 that it seemed so good. 245 00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,561 [people chattering] 246 00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:01,345 - Oh, we have to get Margaret in this. 247 00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:02,825 Hey, Margaret. - Hi, sweetheart. 248 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,827 - Hello, hello - How about like this? 249 00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,829 [laughing] 250 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:07,787 - My mommies. 251 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:24,455 - It never failed to amaze me how she just embraced us 252 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:29,504 you know, with such kindness and respect. 253 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,768 - She just welcomed us in like we were family, 254 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,161 pretty much right away. 255 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,467 That kind of stuff takes time but 256 00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:40,254 it was never any question as far as, okay, 257 00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:41,864 "I don't know about your kids" 258 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,083 kind of thing, you know? 259 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:46,521 We were right up there like right away. 260 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:48,088 She was really good to us. 261 00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:49,698 - I just think they're great. 262 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:54,746 I love having fresh, smart brains 263 00:13:55,443 --> 00:14:00,578 who are responsible, and loving, and energetic, 264 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,843 and it is really cool to be a grandmother 265 00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:07,498 because I didn't think I'd have that either. 266 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:11,763 - When we moved to town, Melody and I got jobs and 267 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,201 Linda, she rose to the occasion. 268 00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:17,595 She took care of our family. 269 00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,771 This was really thrust upon her, 270 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:22,818 like, "Now you have grandchildren." 271 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:27,475 And she embraced it! And she... 272 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:30,304 She was an incredible grandma. 273 00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,436 - I think I see the number eight. 274 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,177 Do you see the number eight, Sparrow? 275 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:34,961 - Yeah. 276 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:35,787 - Where is it? 277 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:36,571 - Right there. 278 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,225 - Right there. 279 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,011 Right there, draw that figure 8. 280 00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,100 - What's that red thing? 281 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,934 - I was looking forward to standing next to Zinnia 282 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,544 and having her tower over me. 283 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:56,156 [laughing] 284 00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,636 - She will, and Sparrow will tower 285 00:14:58,680 --> 00:14:59,986 over Zinnia, probably. - Yeah. 286 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:04,077 I wanted to knock on Zinnia's knee to say, "Hello?" 287 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,211 Hello, it's Nana. 288 00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:09,734 I just wanted to say a few words 289 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:12,302 to my favorite granddaughters. 290 00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,349 I love you guys. 291 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:19,440 I love how smart you are, how sweet you are. 292 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:23,226 You're gonna be wonderful citizens of the world. 293 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:29,493 And, um, let's see... 294 00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:35,543 the one thing that I want to mention to you two, 295 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,805 although you might already know it, 296 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:40,591 is that I have a disease called Alzheimer's. 297 00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,594 - We were actually sitting right at this table here. 298 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,596 Camila said, "Linda wants to tell you something." 299 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,947 and it was so strange to have her say that 300 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:51,733 because Linda never hesitated to tell me anything. 301 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:55,345 I was really not prepared for what they said. 302 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,435 Linda said that she's been having all these issues 303 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:03,049 with memory and trying to find the right words. 304 00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:07,009 - Well, in 2008 when Jeff and Mel were getting married 305 00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,055 and my mom and Linda visited Portland, 306 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:12,580 Linda got lost out on the train, 307 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:13,798 getting back to the hotel. 308 00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:15,409 She went around the block and 309 00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:17,324 she couldn't find the hotel again. 310 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:20,327 - And at the time they bothsaid, well it hasn't been named, 311 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,590 so it wasn't named, it wasn't Alzheimer's, 312 00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:23,808 we weren't talking about that, 313 00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:26,115 we were talking about cognition issues. 314 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,859 - I was actually told about her diagnosis before 315 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,643 I detected it socially. 316 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,168 It's really evidence of a person with 317 00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:38,432 a huge reservoir of mental capacity. 318 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:43,567 So because she was so acutely attuned to her own mind, 319 00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:45,526 she'd sensed that something was wrong 320 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:49,530 and had gotten a diagnosis before I, as a friend, 321 00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:53,534 really was aware that anything was amiss. 322 00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:56,537 - She was always so good at keeping up 323 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,105 with conversation and giving that impression 324 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,237 that everything was really going well 325 00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:04,414 and then she'd forget. 326 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:07,026 She'd forget when she came home, 327 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:10,203 who she had been talking with or where they'd been. 328 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,335 - I remember one time we were here, right here, 329 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:13,989 and we were talking about something 330 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,036 and then we went into the living room 331 00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:21,562 and she didn't remember what had been said right here. 332 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:26,567 That was really shocking to me. 333 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,047 - She would lose her train of thought 334 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:32,225 and she'd start to getfrustrated about not being able 335 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,358 to connect the wires again. 336 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,664 - What were your grandparents' names? 337 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,796 - Martha and Clarence. - Clarence, Clarence. 338 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:43,888 - That's right the daughters of, the offspring of... 339 00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,067 I want my brain back now. 340 00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,116 [Linda groaning] 341 00:17:57,598 --> 00:18:01,950 - You can't control what you forget. 342 00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:03,691 I do get that, I know sometimes I pretend 343 00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:04,561 that I don't. - Can you control 344 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,519 what you forget? [laughing] 345 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:07,564 - No. [laughing] - Well then, 346 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,826 so I'm normal. - Exactly. 347 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:11,133 - It's just I do it a higher frequency. 348 00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:12,221 [laughing] 349 00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,049 And with a more annoying approach. 350 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,268 - Yes. 351 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,226 - You know, you're just like me. 352 00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:21,187 Thanks, uh-oh, we're in trouble then. 353 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,493 We're so screwed, oh my god. 354 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:24,886 [laughing] 355 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,279 We are so screwed. 356 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,890 - Oh dear. 357 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,547 - My maternal grandmother had Alzheimer's 358 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:34,591 and died of it. 359 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,598 I don't think she had any kind of special Alzheimer's, 360 00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:44,471 just regular, run-of-the-mill Alzheimer's. 361 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,562 She was, I think, 93 or 94 when she died 362 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:52,392 so maybe the next day she would have died 363 00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:56,178 from something else but, [laughs] 364 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:59,138 in her case, she suffered with it for a while 365 00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,404 and I saw her suffering. 366 00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,536 The problem with me, which she didn't have, 367 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:11,193 is that I'm really young. 368 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,500 - Five years ago when Linda started losing her memory 369 00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:17,721 at around 48, she was way too young for any studies. 370 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,636 - Well she was 93 when she died. 371 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,206 And I'd tell ya how old I am if I could remember. 372 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,599 I think I'm... 373 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,471 - For the MCI studies, she was too young for those. 374 00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,560 They often started at- wanted people who were 55 375 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,432 and she was 48, or 50 even, 376 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,521 she was even too young for the ones for 50. 377 00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:37,698 But what's happened in the last few years is that 378 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,700 the researchers now are doing more research 379 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:43,051 for people with MCI and are taking people at younger ages 380 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,140 because, hello, they see the benefit 381 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,535 of preventive strategies for folks who are young, 382 00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:50,406 having early memory loss. 383 00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,538 - I think I'm 53. 384 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:54,671 [sighs] 385 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:59,676 So that'll be a long time tobe physically super healthy and 386 00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:05,682 have a brain made out of marshmallow cream. 387 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,468 And part of it, I won't even know what's happening, 388 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:12,385 but Camila will be possibly bearing the brunt. 389 00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,389 And that does not make me happy at all. 390 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,218 She already is, actually. 391 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,482 Hi honey, it's Linda. 392 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,659 We have... um... 393 00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:29,271 I didn't find any extra radio- 394 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,054 [smoke detector beeps] 395 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,839 ugh- there it is... 396 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,973 batteries for the... whatever the thing 397 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,975 is that beeps all the time, you know, 398 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:41,762 the little square batteries to go into... 399 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,939 Uh...f-f-f-f-f- 400 00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,854 for whatever they are, like, uh... 401 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:48,464 Oh shit. 402 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,163 [sighs] 403 00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:54,557 I don't know, the ones that we use for the, 404 00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:58,474 I don't know, anyway, they're little transistor ones, 405 00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,301 I think, the- 406 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,084 [smoke detector beeps] 407 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:00,911 and, um... 408 00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:04,306 [laughing] if you could pick up a bag of those, 409 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,264 that would be great. 410 00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:12,923 I'm sorry, I can't remember more than 411 00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:15,578 that 'cause there was something else I had to say. 412 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,279 I'm so sorry, honey. 413 00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:26,633 Anyway, batteries... oh shit. 414 00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:28,417 I'm sorry honey, you can call me on 415 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:29,462 the house phone if you- 416 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:30,767 [smoke detector beeps] 417 00:21:30,811 --> 00:21:34,989 want to, except it's, as I said, draining, okay? 418 00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:35,816 Bye, honey. 419 00:21:37,644 --> 00:21:39,559 [receiver clicks] 420 00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:42,953 You haven't lived with a boggled mind inside you. 421 00:21:44,259 --> 00:21:46,130 But you've heard some of it, 422 00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:51,179 some real stupid shit come out of my mouth, so... 423 00:21:51,222 --> 00:21:52,441 [laughing] 424 00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:54,617 - I've lived with a boggled mind outside me. 425 00:21:54,661 --> 00:21:56,750 [laughing] 426 00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:00,928 - And the problem is, when I'm not boggled, 427 00:22:02,146 --> 00:22:05,149 I get really pissed off sometimes because people 428 00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:08,109 who are genuinely trying to help me 429 00:22:08,152 --> 00:22:12,722 and make me feel good and do things for me 430 00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:16,552 but don't understand what I'm asking them to do or... 431 00:22:16,596 --> 00:22:17,553 Too helpful? - That's like 432 00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:19,207 a different hell. 433 00:22:19,250 --> 00:22:24,081 [laughing and coughing] Yeah. 434 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,998 'Cause I've always wanted to be independent. 435 00:22:28,825 --> 00:22:30,653 "I want to do it myself." 436 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,135 [laughing] 437 00:22:34,178 --> 00:22:38,966 Please, please, please, I want to do it myself. 438 00:22:41,142 --> 00:22:42,099 - Excellent. 439 00:22:42,143 --> 00:22:43,405 - Gently, gently. 440 00:22:43,449 --> 00:22:44,667 [chuckle] 441 00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:48,845 And yes we're getting rid of the evidence. 442 00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:49,716 [laughing] 443 00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:50,804 - The aroma. 444 00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:51,979 - The evidence, aroma- 445 00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:54,416 Gracie? Are you the star of the show? 446 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:55,852 - She is, she made it all possible. 447 00:22:55,896 --> 00:22:57,811 [laughing] 448 00:22:57,854 --> 00:23:00,727 - She got in the van and it was like wa-hoo! 449 00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,511 - How does she keep her ass so clean? 450 00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:03,991 [door slams] 451 00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:06,297 - I'm calling Lin to make sure she's got her phone. 452 00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:08,082 - Oh, good idea. 453 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:09,518 - I hear it, it's here somewhere. 454 00:23:09,562 --> 00:23:10,389 Okay, we're good. 455 00:23:12,913 --> 00:23:14,610 - Bye. 456 00:23:14,654 --> 00:23:15,437 - Bye! 457 00:23:16,482 --> 00:23:19,310 [engine rumbling] 458 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,402 - Apparently they think I can't drive anymore 459 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,533 if I can't remember stuff. 460 00:23:25,578 --> 00:23:29,364 It's really stupid. [laughs] 461 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,539 How can they think that? 462 00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,454 But the thing is I could be a great driver 463 00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:34,456 but if I screw up one time, 464 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:35,849 they'll say, "It was her Alzheimer's, 465 00:23:35,892 --> 00:23:38,982 "She's at fault," and then I'd be toast 466 00:23:39,026 --> 00:23:41,332 so we're already past that point. 467 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,465 - She did once get lost driving here. 468 00:23:43,509 --> 00:23:44,988 [gentle piano music] 469 00:23:45,032 --> 00:23:48,470 And that was, I think, that was a terrible blow 470 00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:52,039 to her when she could no longer drive the car 471 00:23:52,082 --> 00:23:53,301 because that really made her 472 00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:56,347 so dependent and Linda was anything 473 00:23:56,391 --> 00:23:59,481 but dependent on people, completely independent. 474 00:23:59,525 --> 00:24:00,961 [gentle piano music] 475 00:24:01,004 --> 00:24:03,485 - She really needed and wanted to do things on her own. 476 00:24:03,529 --> 00:24:06,575 It was really hard to to honor that sometimes 477 00:24:06,619 --> 00:24:09,622 because you just want to help somebody, but they don't- 478 00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:12,451 she did not want to be cared for in that way. 479 00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:14,061 She didn't want to be, as she would say, 480 00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:16,672 a burden or something that somebody had 481 00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:18,935 to look after like that. 482 00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:21,851 - What happens is with the diagnosis, 483 00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:25,551 in American culture, everything about you 484 00:24:25,594 --> 00:24:29,424 gets put under that cognitive microscope. 485 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:31,513 - It's just sort of dripping away, 486 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:35,561 and it doesn't discriminate between what time 487 00:24:35,604 --> 00:24:37,563 is dinner or when does the plane leave 488 00:24:37,606 --> 00:24:41,480 or where did I put my toothbrush, you 489 00:24:42,742 --> 00:24:46,920 - Every hesitation, every bit of forgetfulness, 490 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:51,620 every question- "Did I turnthe light off in the bathroom?" 491 00:24:51,664 --> 00:24:55,755 Which for most people is not an important question. 492 00:24:55,798 --> 00:24:58,322 Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, who cares? 493 00:24:58,366 --> 00:25:01,674 But when a person is carrying the diagnosis, 494 00:25:01,717 --> 00:25:05,329 the meaning of all these things changes in their life. 495 00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:10,509 - How are you preparing for this next chapter? 496 00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:13,599 This next chapter? 497 00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:18,212 Meaning the imminent demise of Linda S. Folley? 498 00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:23,260 - That could be it, I don't... like it's- 499 00:25:23,304 --> 00:25:25,306 - The joyous resurrection of 500 00:25:25,349 --> 00:25:27,090 Linda S. Folley. [laughing] - Yeah. 501 00:25:27,134 --> 00:25:30,485 I mean it's... like, it's just a glass half-empty, 502 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,400 half-full thing, isn't it? I mean- 503 00:25:32,443 --> 00:25:33,488 - It is. 504 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,230 'Cause what I'm asking is, I guess, 505 00:25:36,273 --> 00:25:40,495 really, "How are you preparing for life after now?" 506 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:41,322 - Yeah... 507 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,500 Well, we just made changes to our house. 508 00:25:46,632 --> 00:25:48,851 The house has always had the east wing. 509 00:25:48,895 --> 00:25:52,463 We've done renovations to it so that when the 510 00:25:52,507 --> 00:25:57,120 granddaughters visit, they have a good place to be. 511 00:25:57,164 --> 00:26:00,646 And when we get even older, we can use 512 00:26:00,689 --> 00:26:03,605 the very back room, not have to do steps or anything, 513 00:26:03,649 --> 00:26:05,520 it'll all be on the first floor. 514 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,956 We're doing those types of things 515 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:11,439 that people do when walking or seeing is impaired 516 00:26:11,482 --> 00:26:13,223 and then you want to go from room to room 517 00:26:13,267 --> 00:26:16,836 without bruising yourself or falling over. 518 00:26:18,402 --> 00:26:20,535 So it's all just sort of like the continuum. 519 00:26:21,797 --> 00:26:23,625 She's preparing our continuum. 520 00:26:26,672 --> 00:26:30,893 And now there are... how many babies in the cousin family? 521 00:26:30,937 --> 00:26:34,593 There's Lulu, and... 522 00:26:34,636 --> 00:26:35,637 uh-oh... 523 00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,858 - Well, Martha's kids. - That's what I'm thinking. 524 00:26:38,901 --> 00:26:39,946 Lulu... and- 525 00:26:39,989 --> 00:26:40,773 - That's Susie's kids. 526 00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:43,950 Oh right, Lulu is the only one on Martha's side? 527 00:26:43,993 --> 00:26:45,647 - No, Martha has a little boy, Sam. 528 00:26:45,691 --> 00:26:46,430 - Oh, Sam. 529 00:26:46,474 --> 00:26:47,649 - Sam. - Lulu and Sam. 530 00:26:47,693 --> 00:26:49,608 Sorry, I just can't remember it. 531 00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:50,913 - It's okay. 532 00:26:50,957 --> 00:26:53,046 - This is like turning into true crimes here. 533 00:26:53,089 --> 00:26:55,048 - Susie has Lila and May. 534 00:26:55,091 --> 00:26:56,179 - Thank you, honey. 535 00:26:56,223 --> 00:26:57,354 - You're welcome. 536 00:26:57,398 --> 00:26:59,139 - So that's a nice segue into the fact 537 00:26:59,182 --> 00:27:01,707 that I wouldn't be here without Camila. 538 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:02,795 - Oh, honey. 539 00:27:02,838 --> 00:27:04,535 - I would send way too much money 540 00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:08,061 or too less money to my taxes. 541 00:27:08,104 --> 00:27:10,454 I would not know day or night, 542 00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:14,328 my bank account would be totally screwed up. 543 00:27:15,590 --> 00:27:16,722 - Oh, sweetie. 544 00:27:16,765 --> 00:27:18,462 - After I'd paid one bill seven times, 545 00:27:20,508 --> 00:27:21,857 and I would be eating Cheerios for 546 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:25,774 the rest of my life without you. [sniffling] 547 00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:29,778 So thank you for all that you do 548 00:27:29,822 --> 00:27:34,827 that's work, and that's love. - You're welcome. 549 00:27:35,610 --> 00:27:37,612 [sobbing] 550 00:27:39,788 --> 00:27:42,225 - Because my brain is like a Cheerio, 551 00:27:42,269 --> 00:27:44,445 it just goes 'round and 'round, 552 00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:47,013 and there's nothing in it. 553 00:27:51,495 --> 00:27:53,672 - And I remember saying to both of them. 554 00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:56,675 I said, "Well, whatever happens, I'm here to the end." 555 00:28:00,591 --> 00:28:03,594 I just didn't know that the end... you know. 556 00:28:06,162 --> 00:28:08,077 they're both a lot younger than I am, 557 00:28:08,121 --> 00:28:10,036 10 years and seven years younger. 558 00:28:10,079 --> 00:28:12,342 I didn't think the end was gonna be the end. 559 00:28:14,997 --> 00:28:20,002 ♪ There'll be a change in the weather ♪ 560 00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:27,706 ♪ Teardrops will fall 561 00:28:29,533 --> 00:28:34,669 ♪ The snow will be melting 562 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:38,455 ♪ And that's the worst of all 563 00:28:39,369 --> 00:28:43,417 [gentle acoustic music] 564 00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:47,856 - In the winter of 2013, I moved out of New York 565 00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:49,640 and settled in Los Angeles. 566 00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:55,516 With most of my family still based in Ithaca, 567 00:28:56,691 --> 00:28:58,649 I planned frequent visits so that 568 00:28:58,693 --> 00:29:01,652 I might also check in with Linda and Camila. 569 00:29:06,657 --> 00:29:08,790 - No, that's not what 570 00:29:08,834 --> 00:29:10,313 they're wanting. - No, oh. 571 00:29:10,357 --> 00:29:14,796 - It's something a little bit more, you know, sexual. 572 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,537 - Oh, okay. 573 00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:17,625 [chickens clucking] 574 00:29:17,668 --> 00:29:19,366 [Linda laughing] 575 00:29:19,409 --> 00:29:21,455 - That's chicken for, "Do me." 576 00:29:21,498 --> 00:29:23,196 - Okay, interesting. 577 00:29:23,239 --> 00:29:26,068 - But nobody here has any lead in the pencil 578 00:29:26,112 --> 00:29:28,636 so they're not gonna get it. - Right. [laughs] 579 00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:30,943 - Poor chicks, yeah. 580 00:29:30,986 --> 00:29:33,859 The following summer, it had become clear 581 00:29:33,902 --> 00:29:35,686 that Linda's condition had worsened. 582 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,604 Because of this, the decision was made 583 00:29:41,692 --> 00:29:43,825 to find a new home for their hens 584 00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:46,610 as Linda could no longercontribute to their basic care. 585 00:29:48,874 --> 00:29:52,529 Both her long and short-term memory continued to suffer. 586 00:29:55,576 --> 00:29:59,101 She had gotten lost on more than one occasion on 587 00:29:59,145 --> 00:30:01,495 the once familiar streets of our small town, 588 00:30:03,192 --> 00:30:05,151 and was no longer allowed to leave 589 00:30:05,194 --> 00:30:06,717 the house without her cellphone. 590 00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:12,288 Despite this, I was surprised to learn 591 00:30:12,332 --> 00:30:14,595 that the memories that remained untouched were 592 00:30:14,638 --> 00:30:16,815 of her time on the softball field. 593 00:30:16,858 --> 00:30:18,468 - If you watch a game with her, 594 00:30:18,512 --> 00:30:21,123 she'd tell you all the things that that person is doing 595 00:30:21,167 --> 00:30:23,560 and she liked the strategy of it, 596 00:30:23,604 --> 00:30:25,606 she liked figuring out what people did, 597 00:30:25,649 --> 00:30:27,956 she liked knowing this player was like this 598 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,132 and that play it was like that... 599 00:30:30,176 --> 00:30:33,570 I learned a lot about that from her, and I also learned 600 00:30:33,614 --> 00:30:35,964 why she liked to be part of a team. 601 00:30:37,270 --> 00:30:40,882 - So we rallied her old teammates 602 00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,579 and we put a game together. 603 00:30:42,623 --> 00:30:44,364 [women chattering] 604 00:30:44,407 --> 00:30:45,452 - Don't be short with me! 605 00:30:45,495 --> 00:30:48,672 [upbeat acoustic music] 606 00:30:53,329 --> 00:30:55,462 - So how was that for you? 607 00:30:55,505 --> 00:30:57,551 - It was fun, it was great to see everybody. 608 00:30:57,594 --> 00:31:00,467 Some people still had talent, some people didn't. 609 00:31:00,510 --> 00:31:01,947 I wasn't looking at you, hon. 610 00:31:01,990 --> 00:31:04,427 - I never had talent in softball, so. 611 00:31:04,471 --> 00:31:05,951 [laughs] 612 00:31:05,994 --> 00:31:07,561 - Doesn't Ellen like to hit right down this baseline? 613 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:13,436 [cheering and shouting] 614 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,656 - A lot of folks have talked about how smart Linda was 615 00:31:15,699 --> 00:31:17,571 and that she was brilliant. 616 00:31:18,528 --> 00:31:19,878 I mean, she was brilliant academically 617 00:31:19,921 --> 00:31:22,968 but she was also just, she knew all that stuff 618 00:31:23,011 --> 00:31:26,493 and she could make a decision in a split second. 619 00:31:26,536 --> 00:31:28,190 - Where are you hitting, Linda? 620 00:31:28,234 --> 00:31:29,322 - Linda? - What? Where am I hitting? 621 00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:31,237 - She could still hit the ball just 622 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,934 as well as she ever did. 623 00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:35,284 It was really just noticeable, 624 00:31:35,328 --> 00:31:37,721 she wouldn't necessarily know where to run. 625 00:31:37,765 --> 00:31:39,506 - Let the muscles do it. 626 00:31:39,549 --> 00:31:40,594 [cheering] 627 00:31:40,637 --> 00:31:41,508 - Yeah! 628 00:31:41,551 --> 00:31:44,728 [shouting and cheering] 629 00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:50,821 - Get back on base! - Stay on first! 630 00:31:50,865 --> 00:31:53,650 - I was the base coach whoalways said, "Stay on the base, 631 00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:55,565 "Stay on the base!" for the people who just 632 00:31:55,609 --> 00:31:57,480 were new at it, or, you know... 633 00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:59,569 And there I was, running right across it, 634 00:31:59,613 --> 00:32:01,571 and then noticing, like, 635 00:32:01,615 --> 00:32:03,399 "Wait! I'm not supposed to do that." 636 00:32:03,443 --> 00:32:04,748 - I know, you'd get to the base 637 00:32:04,792 --> 00:32:06,446 - It was impossible. - and then you would turn 638 00:32:06,489 --> 00:32:07,882 around and walk off the field. 639 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,579 - But you know why? - [laughing] Get back on base! 640 00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:11,930 - You're gonna go to second. 641 00:32:14,019 --> 00:32:16,456 - Throughout the course of the few innings that we played, 642 00:32:16,499 --> 00:32:18,545 because we don't want to overdo, 643 00:32:18,588 --> 00:32:20,286 she'd started at shortstop. 644 00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:23,158 And then she just was wandering into the grass 645 00:32:23,202 --> 00:32:25,378 and then she was out in left field, 646 00:32:25,421 --> 00:32:28,511 just running after the ball wherever it went. 647 00:32:28,555 --> 00:32:30,383 [cheering] 648 00:32:32,298 --> 00:32:33,473 [shouting] 649 00:32:33,516 --> 00:32:34,648 - Stay there! 650 00:32:35,431 --> 00:32:37,259 - Get her! Get her! 651 00:32:37,303 --> 00:32:38,434 - Jesus Christ. 652 00:32:38,478 --> 00:32:39,653 - Right here. 653 00:32:39,696 --> 00:32:40,784 - I'm a fucking clown. 654 00:32:40,828 --> 00:32:42,351 - Back to third, Linda, back to third. 655 00:32:42,395 --> 00:32:43,613 - Yes'm. 656 00:32:43,657 --> 00:32:45,659 Why do I have to go back to third? 657 00:32:46,529 --> 00:32:47,661 - You know, they could've just put up 658 00:32:47,704 --> 00:32:50,185 a billboard and said you're losing it. 659 00:32:50,229 --> 00:32:52,622 - Oh, yeah. - That's the problem with it. 660 00:32:52,666 --> 00:32:54,624 - I think people were having so much fun, 661 00:32:54,668 --> 00:32:57,018 it was just part of the fun. 662 00:32:57,062 --> 00:32:59,586 - One thing that people living with dementia often say 663 00:32:59,629 --> 00:33:04,634 is that their diagnosis disconnects them from society, 664 00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:07,159 that they become outcasts. 665 00:33:07,202 --> 00:33:10,727 To be alone and unconnected, 666 00:33:10,771 --> 00:33:15,384 those are really profound primordial human fears. 667 00:33:16,733 --> 00:33:18,953 - People seemed to be there because of you. 668 00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:23,436 This time it was to not take the game quite so seriously. 669 00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:24,524 - That was my role? 670 00:33:24,567 --> 00:33:26,395 [laughing] Quit crying over there, 671 00:33:26,439 --> 00:33:28,267 get out of the dugout. Wipe off your tears. 672 00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:29,746 [laughing] 673 00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:35,926 - Yeah. 674 00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:37,189 [laughing] 675 00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:39,104 - So you know what we're doing tomorrow, right? 676 00:33:39,147 --> 00:33:39,974 - Yeah. - Do you remember? 677 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,019 We're doing the train trip. 678 00:33:41,062 --> 00:33:42,411 - Right. 679 00:33:42,455 --> 00:33:43,847 - It's gonna be great. - Tomorrow we're starting 680 00:33:43,891 --> 00:33:45,240 a train trip, we leave tomorrow night for Seattle, 681 00:33:45,284 --> 00:33:49,288 Seattle to Portland, and we'll fly to San Francisco 682 00:33:49,331 --> 00:33:51,290 and we'll take the train from San Francisco home. 683 00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:52,726 It's about three and a half weeks. 684 00:33:52,769 --> 00:33:55,424 With a week in San Francisco and a week in Seattle. 685 00:33:55,468 --> 00:33:57,426 - Yeah, it's gonna be great. - It's gonna be fantastic. 686 00:33:57,470 --> 00:33:58,993 Yeah. - It's gonna be great. 687 00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:02,431 - We all knew I couldn't join them for all 688 00:34:02,475 --> 00:34:06,392 of their various adventures and I had no desire 689 00:34:06,435 --> 00:34:09,786 to impose on what sacred time they had remaining. 690 00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:12,441 - ...my cellphone, let's see if I can do it. 691 00:34:12,485 --> 00:34:14,226 Hello, here I am... - Because of this, 692 00:34:14,269 --> 00:34:16,532 although at first resistant, 693 00:34:16,576 --> 00:34:18,360 Camila bravely agreed to pick up 694 00:34:18,404 --> 00:34:20,101 the reins where I could not 695 00:34:20,145 --> 00:34:22,103 and do some shooting of her own. 696 00:34:22,147 --> 00:34:23,887 - Anything for the camera? 697 00:34:23,931 --> 00:34:24,671 - What? 698 00:34:24,714 --> 00:34:25,454 - Any comments? 699 00:34:29,284 --> 00:34:31,025 - [laughing] Excellent. 700 00:34:33,462 --> 00:34:35,421 - I feel the same way. 701 00:34:35,464 --> 00:34:37,597 [gentle acoustic music] 702 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,512 - We're riding in our train, 703 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,471 getting ready for our departure. 704 00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:50,088 - Arrival to Chicago, departure from our... 705 00:34:50,479 --> 00:34:53,439 You know, that's the weird thing about it, 706 00:35:08,671 --> 00:35:11,544 in this case, Chicago. 707 00:35:11,587 --> 00:35:13,633 - Ladies and gentlemen, just a little information, 708 00:35:13,676 --> 00:35:15,591 for those who are leaving us... 709 00:35:15,635 --> 00:35:20,422 - In Chicago! We just had pizza at a... 710 00:35:21,989 --> 00:35:26,950 A bar, that sells Bud Light and Blue Moon, 711 00:35:26,994 --> 00:35:30,171 and are watching the football game... Football? 712 00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:32,434 Football game? - World Series. 713 00:35:32,478 --> 00:35:36,177 - Duh. The World Series, start over. 714 00:35:36,221 --> 00:35:39,441 - She made quite an effort to be present, 715 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:44,316 to be reliable, to be loving, even those 716 00:35:44,359 --> 00:35:47,580 times when she was struggling to figure out 717 00:35:47,623 --> 00:35:48,885 what the conversation was about. 718 00:35:52,062 --> 00:35:55,240 And then there were those times when she was 719 00:35:55,283 --> 00:35:56,763 everything she had ever been, 720 00:35:56,806 --> 00:36:00,419 and her light was shining so bright. 721 00:36:00,462 --> 00:36:04,249 - They're sometimes referred to as lucid intervals, 722 00:36:04,292 --> 00:36:07,426 where a person living with Alzheimer's will 723 00:36:07,469 --> 00:36:11,343 have some confluence of environment 724 00:36:11,386 --> 00:36:15,216 and personal energy and experience that kind of 725 00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:18,915 swings open a cognitive door that had been closed. 726 00:36:18,959 --> 00:36:21,222 And that door swings open and you can have 727 00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:25,705 a remarkably lucid conversation with someone who, 728 00:36:25,748 --> 00:36:28,534 three hours later, may not remember your name. 729 00:36:28,577 --> 00:36:31,014 - She could still have great moments and days 730 00:36:31,058 --> 00:36:35,367 and can't remember what happened five minutes ago, 731 00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:37,673 but you could totally go into all 732 00:36:37,717 --> 00:36:40,023 the lyrics of your favorite song. 733 00:36:40,067 --> 00:36:42,939 - We have a rousing crowd here consisting 734 00:36:42,983 --> 00:36:44,680 of Camila, our photographer. 735 00:36:46,639 --> 00:36:51,644 ♪ Each night before you go to bed, my baby, ooh, ooh ♪ 736 00:36:53,733 --> 00:36:58,738 ♪ Sing a little prayer for me, my baby, ha, ha ♪ 737 00:37:01,044 --> 00:37:06,049 ♪ And then tell all the stars above, yeah ♪ 738 00:37:07,790 --> 00:37:12,055 ♪ This is dedicated to the one I love ♪ 739 00:37:12,099 --> 00:37:17,104 ♪ Life can never be exactly what we want it to be ♪ 740 00:37:18,453 --> 00:37:23,458 ♪ I should be satisfied knowing you love me ♪ 741 00:37:25,417 --> 00:37:28,681 ♪ There's just one thing I want you to do ♪ 742 00:37:28,724 --> 00:37:32,424 ♪ Especially for me 743 00:37:32,467 --> 00:37:37,472 ♪ And it's something that everybody needs ♪ 744 00:37:38,343 --> 00:37:40,083 [music swells] 745 00:37:40,127 --> 00:37:45,132 ♪ Each night before you go to bed, my baby, ha, ha ♪ 746 00:37:48,614 --> 00:37:53,619 ♪ Whisper a little prayer for me, my baby ♪ 747 00:37:54,054 --> 00:37:56,404 ♪ Ooh, ooh 748 00:37:56,448 --> 00:38:01,453 ♪ And then tell all the stars above you ♪ 749 00:38:05,370 --> 00:38:09,635 ♪ This is dedicated to the one I love ♪ 750 00:38:09,678 --> 00:38:14,074 ♪ This is dedicated to the one I love ♪ 751 00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:20,080 - Happy anniversary, my dear 752 00:38:20,123 --> 00:38:21,429 - Oh, thank you, honey. 753 00:38:21,473 --> 00:38:25,215 [kissy noises] 754 00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:38,185 Should I have a party? 755 00:38:38,228 --> 00:38:39,926 - You know, it's an idea. 756 00:38:41,449 --> 00:38:43,756 A dinner or something, yeah, if you want to. 757 00:38:43,799 --> 00:38:45,410 - Have everyone wear black. 758 00:38:45,453 --> 00:38:47,412 [chuckling] 759 00:38:47,455 --> 00:38:50,110 [Linda laughing] - Purple, red. 760 00:38:51,590 --> 00:38:52,591 - Purple-red? 761 00:38:52,634 --> 00:38:53,983 - Purple or red. 762 00:38:54,027 --> 00:38:56,943 I don't know, what do you think about that idea? 763 00:38:56,986 --> 00:38:58,423 - I forget what the idea was... 764 00:38:58,466 --> 00:38:59,467 Having a party. 765 00:38:59,511 --> 00:39:01,121 Having a party? 766 00:39:01,164 --> 00:39:03,297 - Party or something, a gathering, a dinner. 767 00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,519 - Uh-huh, yeah we could do that, you know, 768 00:39:07,562 --> 00:39:10,957 they have that game about... 769 00:39:14,395 --> 00:39:17,137 You know, the dinner party and somebody gets shot. 770 00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:19,444 [laughing] 771 00:39:24,492 --> 00:39:25,972 - You're silly. 772 00:39:26,015 --> 00:39:28,496 [gentle music] 773 00:39:30,585 --> 00:39:33,458 [crowd chattering] 774 00:39:46,906 --> 00:39:50,823 [cheering and clapping] 775 00:40:07,883 --> 00:40:11,234 [cheering and clapping] 776 00:40:11,278 --> 00:40:12,018 - Yeah! 777 00:40:19,591 --> 00:40:21,506 [laughing] 778 00:40:30,558 --> 00:40:33,431 [cheering and clapping] 779 00:40:38,044 --> 00:40:41,395 [cheering and applauding] 780 00:40:51,579 --> 00:40:53,755 [whistling] 781 00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,632 [gentle orchestral music] 782 00:42:26,805 --> 00:42:30,243 [gentle acoustic music] 783 00:42:34,116 --> 00:42:39,121 [Linda singing] ♪ April, come she will 784 00:42:40,688 --> 00:42:45,824 ♪ When streams are ripe and swelled with rain ♪ 785 00:42:45,867 --> 00:42:50,872 ♪ May, she will stay 786 00:42:52,526 --> 00:42:57,531 ♪ Resting in my arms again 787 00:43:01,927 --> 00:43:06,932 ♪ June she'll change her tune 788 00:43:08,803 --> 00:43:13,721 ♪ In restless walks she'll prowl the night ♪ 789 00:43:13,765 --> 00:43:18,770 ♪ July, she will fly 790 00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:24,471 ♪ And give no warning to her flight ♪ 791 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:35,525 ♪ August, die she must 792 00:43:37,136 --> 00:43:42,010 ♪ The autumn winds blow chilly and cold ♪ 793 00:43:42,054 --> 00:43:47,059 ♪ September, I remember 794 00:43:48,190 --> 00:43:52,978 ♪ A love once new has now grown old ♪ 795 00:43:56,024 --> 00:43:58,636 [water lapping] 796 00:44:00,246 --> 00:44:03,858 - So a few weeks ago, I noticedthat the pond is very high. 797 00:44:03,902 --> 00:44:05,860 At least two feet higher than it is now, 798 00:44:05,904 --> 00:44:08,036 maybe three feet higher than it is now. 799 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:09,951 So I didn't know what happened. 800 00:44:09,995 --> 00:44:11,823 Did the beavers- well, there are beavers here, 801 00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:13,433 we noticed that because some trees are down 802 00:44:13,476 --> 00:44:14,869 and bushes-- - Right, yeah, 803 00:44:14,913 --> 00:44:16,479 right over there you can see-- - Clear, you can see 804 00:44:16,523 --> 00:44:17,785 the clear area. 805 00:44:17,829 --> 00:44:19,569 - That's a beaver sign. - So we didn't know why. 806 00:44:19,613 --> 00:44:21,528 if it was the beavers had raised the level 807 00:44:21,571 --> 00:44:22,660 or if that's- 808 00:44:27,577 --> 00:44:28,317 - Yeah. 809 00:44:28,361 --> 00:44:29,797 - That's the roof. 810 00:44:29,841 --> 00:44:32,321 - Yes, but then on Sunday, we did some investigation 811 00:44:32,365 --> 00:44:36,630 because the pond fell in a day, and so it's clear... 812 00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:38,632 - It was hard some mornings. 813 00:44:38,676 --> 00:44:43,637 You know, I'd make a pot of coffee and serve her a cup 814 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:47,641 and then she'd go to the cupboard 815 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:52,690 and look for a cup and look for the coffee to pour. 816 00:44:53,603 --> 00:44:56,563 I'd say, "Oh, I got you a cup, it's right over here." 817 00:44:56,606 --> 00:44:59,261 And then she'd be so grateful. 818 00:45:00,741 --> 00:45:02,177 And then we'd do it again. 819 00:45:04,745 --> 00:45:07,313 And she'd be grateful again. 820 00:45:09,184 --> 00:45:11,491 And then we'd do it again. 821 00:45:14,973 --> 00:45:17,323 I never tired of being there for her. 822 00:45:17,366 --> 00:45:22,371 I was honored to be present in those challenging moments 823 00:45:22,415 --> 00:45:25,897 because I knew that she was grateful, 824 00:45:25,940 --> 00:45:30,466 even when she started to, her face would show some distress, 825 00:45:30,510 --> 00:45:32,947 some discomfort that she was having a hard time. 826 00:45:33,905 --> 00:45:36,734 I'd say, you know, "It's all right, we're here. 827 00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:38,126 "No worries, no worries." 828 00:45:42,348 --> 00:45:44,002 And I saw the joy come back. 829 00:45:45,264 --> 00:45:46,091 - Hi, Sparrow. 830 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:48,789 Wanna say hi to my camera? 831 00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:50,051 - Sparrow, say hi to her camera. 832 00:45:50,095 --> 00:45:51,357 - Look at you, cutie curly locks. 833 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:52,967 - Hi. - How old are you now? 834 00:45:53,011 --> 00:45:54,403 - Three. 835 00:45:54,447 --> 00:45:56,536 - Would you like to sing "Clementine" for the camera? 836 00:45:56,579 --> 00:45:59,408 ♪ In a cavern, in a canyon 837 00:45:59,452 --> 00:46:03,064 ♪ Excavatin' for a mine 838 00:46:03,108 --> 00:46:06,502 ♪ There lived a miner, forty-niner ♪ 839 00:46:06,546 --> 00:46:10,550 ♪ And his daughter, Clementine 840 00:46:10,593 --> 00:46:11,594 - What's next? 841 00:46:14,119 --> 00:46:18,471 - Sparrow was very much aware of Nana's troubles. 842 00:46:19,733 --> 00:46:21,343 She just wanted to help her. 843 00:46:22,475 --> 00:46:25,870 There was a time when it was kind of like oh, 844 00:46:25,913 --> 00:46:28,524 "Nana forgets things, isn't that silly?" 845 00:46:28,568 --> 00:46:30,483 And then there was a time when 846 00:46:30,526 --> 00:46:32,702 it seemed like they might try to take advantage of it. 847 00:46:32,746 --> 00:46:35,575 "Oh, Nana forgot that we can't watch TV right now." 848 00:46:35,618 --> 00:46:37,446 or something like that, you know? 849 00:46:38,491 --> 00:46:42,147 But they became aware, both of them, 850 00:46:42,190 --> 00:46:43,626 pretty clearly that they needed 851 00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:45,933 to take care of their grandma. 852 00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:52,244 ♪ I ate my kiddy's tooties 853 00:46:52,548 --> 00:46:55,073 [child laughing] 854 00:46:55,116 --> 00:47:00,034 ♪ To watch her moan 855 00:47:00,078 --> 00:47:05,083 ♪ And I love my little Zinny 856 00:47:05,474 --> 00:47:10,479 ♪ When she's in purple, she's at home ♪ 857 00:47:14,353 --> 00:47:18,574 ♪ Amen [choking] ♪ 858 00:47:20,576 --> 00:47:22,448 - Kids don't tell you stories 859 00:47:22,491 --> 00:47:26,278 because they don't realize the significance of them. 860 00:47:26,321 --> 00:47:28,671 You'll catch a little comment and then you have 861 00:47:28,715 --> 00:47:31,544 to kind of implore them for it. 862 00:47:31,587 --> 00:47:33,938 This past winter, the kids would spend 863 00:47:33,981 --> 00:47:38,594 a lot of overnights at Nana and Bela's house. 864 00:47:38,638 --> 00:47:43,425 So Zinnia had said something along the lines of, 865 00:47:43,469 --> 00:47:46,646 "Oh, like when Nana is crying in the room 866 00:47:46,689 --> 00:47:48,691 "and I show her to the bathroom." 867 00:47:49,605 --> 00:47:54,567 I said, "Okay, do you want to tell me a story?" 868 00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:59,137 She then relayed to me that she would wake up in 869 00:47:59,180 --> 00:48:02,444 the middle of the night sometimes and Nana would 870 00:48:02,488 --> 00:48:06,318 be standing in the room, which was right adjacent 871 00:48:06,361 --> 00:48:08,059 to the restroom. 872 00:48:08,102 --> 00:48:11,932 And Nana would walk from the back into 873 00:48:11,976 --> 00:48:17,111 that middle room and just stand there. 874 00:48:17,155 --> 00:48:21,855 On one or more occasions, Zinniawas awakened by her crying, 875 00:48:21,899 --> 00:48:25,946 and I said, "Zinnia, what did you do?" 876 00:48:25,990 --> 00:48:28,993 She said, "Well, I took her hand 877 00:48:29,036 --> 00:48:32,866 "and said, 'It's okay, Nana, 878 00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,607 "'do you need to go to the potty?'" 879 00:48:36,217 --> 00:48:39,264 And she would lead her in there, 880 00:48:39,307 --> 00:48:43,050 then waited on the other side of the door 881 00:48:43,094 --> 00:48:46,445 to make sure that she got back to bed. 882 00:48:46,488 --> 00:48:49,709 [child crying] 883 00:48:49,752 --> 00:48:53,017 - Take a finger, take a finger. 884 00:48:53,060 --> 00:48:54,061 There you go. 885 00:48:57,151 --> 00:48:59,414 - There's your Nana's hand. 886 00:48:59,458 --> 00:49:01,590 - That's right! Now we're linked. 887 00:49:02,504 --> 00:49:03,592 [laughing] 888 00:49:03,636 --> 00:49:05,943 Everything's gonna be okay. 889 00:49:05,986 --> 00:49:08,467 You got a good grip on there, baby girl. 890 00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:09,468 - Nana? 891 00:49:09,511 --> 00:49:11,035 - What can I do for you, babe? 892 00:49:13,515 --> 00:49:16,127 - I know you like my hairdo. 893 00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:17,519 - I love it. 894 00:49:17,563 --> 00:49:20,958 - I just got in the water and dunked my head down. 895 00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:23,743 - Those curls are the real McCoy, yes they are. 896 00:49:27,660 --> 00:49:30,315 - She loved those kids. 897 00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:32,273 You know, and they love her still. 898 00:49:33,709 --> 00:49:36,843 Are the kids aware now of what happened? I don't know. 899 00:49:38,453 --> 00:49:40,107 I don't know. 900 00:49:40,151 --> 00:49:41,979 [laughing] - Thank you for that. 901 00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:44,807 Aw, you shouldn't have. 902 00:49:44,851 --> 00:49:46,374 - Take a picture! 903 00:49:46,418 --> 00:49:48,202 - I'm taking a picture right now. 904 00:49:49,943 --> 00:49:51,771 That's gorgeous. 905 00:49:51,814 --> 00:49:54,513 If I press this, will I get a still on top of it? 906 00:49:54,556 --> 00:49:55,514 - I don't think so. 907 00:49:55,557 --> 00:49:56,732 I don't think so either. 908 00:49:56,776 --> 00:49:58,038 - I think the movie camera's running. 909 00:49:58,082 --> 00:49:59,953 - I think the movie's gonna say it all anyway. 910 00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:01,259 - If it's flashing, 911 00:50:01,302 --> 00:50:02,477 is it flashing? - Can I be in the picture too? 912 00:50:02,521 --> 00:50:04,088 - Sure. - No, it's not flashing. 913 00:50:04,131 --> 00:50:07,004 - If it's not flashing, you must have turned it off then. 914 00:50:08,657 --> 00:50:11,704 - I'm honored that sheprotected my children from that. 915 00:50:11,747 --> 00:50:14,489 Because looking at the ages they are now, 916 00:50:14,533 --> 00:50:17,449 they're seven and five, what would that mean? 917 00:50:18,580 --> 00:50:19,886 - I hope that they will learn and come 918 00:50:19,929 --> 00:50:24,891 to terms with it and that they'll continue 919 00:50:24,934 --> 00:50:27,850 to love their grandma as much as they ever did. 920 00:50:29,287 --> 00:50:32,029 She loved them and she wanted what was best for them. 921 00:50:32,942 --> 00:50:33,943 [child crying] 922 00:50:33,987 --> 00:50:34,901 - Oh, honey. 923 00:50:34,944 --> 00:50:36,207 - Oh, what happened? 924 00:50:36,250 --> 00:50:37,556 - Come here, sweetie. - She bit me. 925 00:50:37,599 --> 00:50:38,861 - What? - She bit you? 926 00:50:38,905 --> 00:50:40,037 - Uh-oh. 927 00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,342 - Where did she bite you? - Do you see 928 00:50:41,386 --> 00:50:42,996 it's flashing down here, Nana? - On your chest? 929 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,216 Did she bite you on the chest? - Oh dear. 930 00:50:45,259 --> 00:50:46,434 Zinnia, that is not nice. 931 00:50:46,478 --> 00:50:47,740 - That is really harsh. 932 00:50:47,783 --> 00:50:49,959 - You have to apologize you to your sister. 933 00:50:50,003 --> 00:50:51,439 Why would you do such a thing anyway? 934 00:50:51,483 --> 00:50:52,614 That's not nice. 935 00:50:53,485 --> 00:50:55,400 - Cry all you want, that's painful. 936 00:50:56,314 --> 00:50:57,532 - Sorry, Sparrow. - Zinny, 937 00:50:57,576 --> 00:50:59,012 that was not very nice. 938 00:50:59,056 --> 00:51:00,840 - Sorry, Sparrow. 939 00:51:00,883 --> 00:51:02,407 - Why did you do it? 940 00:51:02,450 --> 00:51:03,843 - Yeah, why did you do that? 941 00:51:03,886 --> 00:51:05,192 - Because I didn't want her to 942 00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:07,412 be in the picture with me. 943 00:51:07,455 --> 00:51:09,109 - Oh. - You could always tell me, 944 00:51:09,153 --> 00:51:11,546 there's no reason to bite me. 945 00:51:11,590 --> 00:51:13,940 - Exactly, next time say, "I don't want her 946 00:51:13,983 --> 00:51:14,854 "to be in the picture with me. 947 00:51:14,897 --> 00:51:17,422 "Can we take one with just me?" 948 00:51:17,465 --> 00:51:20,468 You don't bite people for anything, honey. 949 00:51:26,605 --> 00:51:27,954 [laughs] 950 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,134 [laughing] 951 00:51:34,178 --> 00:51:36,441 [child singing] 952 00:51:36,484 --> 00:51:39,487 - Do you forgive me? I love you. 953 00:51:39,531 --> 00:51:42,577 - How about you ask her for her forgiveness? 954 00:51:44,797 --> 00:51:46,407 [kiss] 955 00:51:46,451 --> 00:51:48,453 - Nice going, Sparrow. 956 00:51:51,978 --> 00:51:54,198 - Nice big sister, Sparrow. 957 00:51:56,591 --> 00:52:00,595 Hello, it's Nana. 958 00:52:00,639 --> 00:52:02,162 I just wanted to say a few words 959 00:52:02,206 --> 00:52:04,469 to my favorite granddaughters. 960 00:52:07,689 --> 00:52:09,387 I love you guys. 961 00:52:10,866 --> 00:52:14,305 I love how smart you are, how sweet you are. 962 00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:18,483 I think you'll make a great asset to 963 00:52:18,526 --> 00:52:21,573 the human race, both of you. 964 00:52:24,010 --> 00:52:27,187 And just remember that I love you very, 965 00:52:27,231 --> 00:52:29,494 very, very, very much, very, very much. 966 00:52:30,495 --> 00:52:35,239 And do the best you can with what you have 967 00:52:36,501 --> 00:52:40,505 and see if you can make the world a better place. 968 00:52:43,334 --> 00:52:47,773 Because I have Alzheimer's, well, 969 00:52:47,816 --> 00:52:50,210 my body is very strong. 970 00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:53,039 My arms, my legs, I can run, all that stuff. 971 00:52:53,082 --> 00:52:58,087 I can talk, but I can't remember things in my brain. 972 00:52:58,479 --> 00:53:00,612 And so it's just like I'm floating in air 973 00:53:00,655 --> 00:53:04,572 and can't hang on to anything at all. 974 00:53:05,660 --> 00:53:08,489 And it's like going into a dark room 975 00:53:08,533 --> 00:53:10,578 and turning off all the lights. 976 00:53:12,145 --> 00:53:17,019 So at some point soon I have chosen to 977 00:53:19,761 --> 00:53:20,545 kill myself 978 00:53:22,242 --> 00:53:24,331 because I don't want to live where 979 00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:26,681 someone has to take real special care 980 00:53:26,725 --> 00:53:31,730 for me, like almost a care 981 00:53:31,773 --> 00:53:36,256 regimen that's like taking care of a baby. 982 00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:39,564 But the baby doesn't knowanything about what's going on. 983 00:53:41,479 --> 00:53:43,698 I don't want to even try to go down that path 984 00:53:43,742 --> 00:53:47,311 because we have enough information to know that 985 00:53:47,354 --> 00:53:49,617 it will not end well for me. 986 00:53:50,662 --> 00:53:53,926 There are no things that can make it better, 987 00:53:53,969 --> 00:53:56,015 at this point in time, in the world. 988 00:53:57,582 --> 00:54:01,673 So at some point I'm gonna haveto just stop living my life 989 00:54:01,716 --> 00:54:05,067 because I can't control any part of my life. 990 00:54:09,942 --> 00:54:14,947 Be loving and caring to people and supporting them, 991 00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:18,864 'cause not everybody is as lucky as we are, even now. 992 00:54:20,953 --> 00:54:25,653 So be hopeful and do great things. 993 00:54:32,312 --> 00:54:33,400 I know you will. 994 00:54:33,444 --> 00:54:34,662 You already are doing them. 995 00:54:35,489 --> 00:54:37,274 So keep up the great work. 996 00:54:41,452 --> 00:54:42,670 I love you guys. 997 00:54:44,803 --> 00:54:47,893 [gentle piano music] 998 00:54:54,247 --> 00:54:57,859 [wind rushing through trees] 999 00:55:00,645 --> 00:55:05,040 - Well, you know, white pines are great. 1000 00:55:06,390 --> 00:55:07,304 They're beautiful. 1001 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,308 They did have grape vines all over them. 1002 00:55:13,222 --> 00:55:14,833 And they looked very sad about it. 1003 00:55:14,876 --> 00:55:16,051 [birds twittering] 1004 00:55:17,052 --> 00:55:18,576 And I wanted them to live. 1005 00:55:21,579 --> 00:55:24,364 Got myself up there somehow and whacked 1006 00:55:24,408 --> 00:55:27,585 off the grape vines, so that the white pine 1007 00:55:27,628 --> 00:55:29,674 wouldn't just wither and die as 1008 00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:32,546 it got all that light taken away from it 1009 00:55:32,590 --> 00:55:35,636 and all of its water bypassing it. 1010 00:55:38,422 --> 00:55:39,466 It was a work of love. 1011 00:55:40,598 --> 00:55:41,816 I was really thrilled that I could do it 1012 00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:44,123 so I was sort of riding high after I did it. 1013 00:55:45,211 --> 00:55:48,040 That's the result you get when you succeed, 1014 00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:49,650 saving a good old tree. 1015 00:55:52,392 --> 00:55:54,742 - My dominant emotion was surprise. 1016 00:55:56,396 --> 00:56:01,358 And because I've done so much work with 1017 00:56:01,401 --> 00:56:04,535 so many individuals living with Alzheimer's, 1018 00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:08,582 my next question was... 1019 00:56:08,626 --> 00:56:11,368 Was there some element of her condition 1020 00:56:11,411 --> 00:56:15,589 that was causing undue suffering? 1021 00:56:15,633 --> 00:56:18,592 Was she actually, in addition to dementia, 1022 00:56:18,636 --> 00:56:21,334 also suffering a major depression? 1023 00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,641 Which is very well known to happen. 1024 00:56:23,684 --> 00:56:27,471 And the correct answer is it's really not my business. 1025 00:56:29,124 --> 00:56:33,564 I'm a friend and whatever decision she arrived at, 1026 00:56:33,607 --> 00:56:37,524 it was made freely, that's the thing that's important to me. 1027 00:56:37,568 --> 00:56:42,442 If she had chosen to embrace the conversation with me, 1028 00:56:42,486 --> 00:56:46,707 I would have asked, "What do you fear most?" 1029 00:56:46,751 --> 00:56:49,449 [birds chirping] 1030 00:56:50,494 --> 00:56:52,060 - What are you most afraid of? 1031 00:56:54,672 --> 00:56:55,455 - I guess... 1032 00:56:59,067 --> 00:57:01,679 Anything that would interfere with 1033 00:57:01,722 --> 00:57:03,898 me dying when I'm dying. 1034 00:57:07,032 --> 00:57:12,167 If you're dying with Alzheimer's, I 1035 00:57:12,211 --> 00:57:15,649 to be saved for another 20 years in Alzheimer's. 1036 00:57:17,259 --> 00:57:19,131 Because I'm very young for it. 1037 00:57:19,174 --> 00:57:22,264 My physical body's gonna last a long time 1038 00:57:22,308 --> 00:57:24,441 and my brain is gonna be a rutabaga. 1039 00:57:28,532 --> 00:57:31,491 - Well, my name is Jens Wennberg 1040 00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:35,321 and I'm friends with Camila and Linda. 1041 00:57:35,364 --> 00:57:37,497 And I must say that yes, this is 1042 00:57:37,541 --> 00:57:41,545 the place where lots of things happened. 1043 00:57:44,069 --> 00:57:45,200 - I'm gonna go see 1044 00:57:45,244 --> 00:57:46,550 what Sparrow's doing, 1045 00:57:46,593 --> 00:57:48,377 what Miss Sparrow's doing. 1046 00:57:49,248 --> 00:57:51,642 - [whispers] Let's go see what Sparrow's doing. 1047 00:58:00,825 --> 00:58:02,870 Ooh, beautiful, Sparrow. 1048 00:58:02,914 --> 00:58:04,393 - You weren't supposed to look! 1049 00:58:04,437 --> 00:58:07,222 - I didn't look, I was just looking at you. 1050 00:58:07,266 --> 00:58:09,529 Tell you what, I'll just focus on you, look like this. 1051 00:58:09,573 --> 00:58:10,574 - You promise you 1052 00:58:10,617 --> 00:58:11,400 won't look at it? - I didn't look, 1053 00:58:11,444 --> 00:58:12,358 I didn't look. 1054 00:58:12,401 --> 00:58:13,141 - You promise? 1055 00:58:13,185 --> 00:58:13,925 - Yes. 1056 00:58:13,968 --> 00:58:15,579 - Good, no looking. 1057 00:58:15,622 --> 00:58:17,494 I'm not done coloring it. 1058 00:58:18,582 --> 00:58:20,801 - This is where Linda sat when she 1059 00:58:20,845 --> 00:58:22,890 took and drank the medicine. 1060 00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:26,894 I don't know where I met Linda. 1061 00:58:26,938 --> 00:58:29,810 We sort of became close friends in 1062 00:58:29,854 --> 00:58:32,465 a weird and wondrous way. 1063 00:58:32,509 --> 00:58:35,555 We have sort of the same quirky sense of humor 1064 00:58:35,599 --> 00:58:38,515 and so we connected that way. 1065 00:58:39,559 --> 00:58:44,129 I was asked by Linda to get together with her. 1066 00:58:44,172 --> 00:58:47,436 Camila said she couldn't participate in this. 1067 00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:51,615 She understood that Linda wanted to end her own life 1068 00:58:51,658 --> 00:58:54,835 and Camila said, "I can't participate. 1069 00:58:54,879 --> 00:58:56,576 "I love her too much I don't want her to do it 1070 00:58:56,620 --> 00:59:00,101 "and there's no way I'm gonna get involved." 1071 00:59:00,145 --> 00:59:03,104 And so it sort of fell on me to talk with her 1072 00:59:03,148 --> 00:59:04,845 and try to figure this out. 1073 00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:11,635 - Today's January 14th, 2016, 1074 00:59:13,288 --> 00:59:15,377 and Linda and I have been talking for 1075 00:59:15,421 --> 00:59:18,424 a long time about some really important stuff 1076 00:59:18,467 --> 00:59:20,382 like life and death and... 1077 00:59:22,123 --> 00:59:26,345 - My thoughts are that I don't want to just get worse, 1078 00:59:26,388 --> 00:59:27,607 worse, worse, worse, worse, 1079 00:59:27,651 --> 00:59:29,870 be a lump and waste the rest 1080 00:59:29,914 --> 00:59:32,699 of Camila's life taking care of me. 1081 00:59:34,135 --> 00:59:36,616 - I wanna talk you out of it, though. 1082 00:59:36,660 --> 00:59:40,620 I just can't get used to the idea of you not being around. 1083 00:59:40,664 --> 00:59:43,580 [gentle piano music] 1084 00:59:43,623 --> 00:59:46,626 [crying] It feels like it's too soon. 1085 00:59:46,670 --> 00:59:48,628 - I know, I agree. 1086 00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:50,848 [Camila sobbing] 1087 00:59:50,891 --> 00:59:54,155 - She knew all along that I wanted to take care of her 1088 00:59:54,199 --> 00:59:56,549 and felt capable of doing that 1089 00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:59,639 and that we had enough support of all kinds, 1090 00:59:59,683 --> 01:00:01,772 and the house was right, and we'd made the changes 1091 01:00:01,815 --> 01:00:05,558 in our house, specifically so we could live downstairs. 1092 01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:08,474 But then, of course, after Sandy Bem in 2015 1093 01:00:08,517 --> 01:00:10,650 it became a more frequent topic. 1094 01:00:11,956 --> 01:00:13,958 - In the wake of a suicide, typically, 1095 01:00:14,001 --> 01:00:16,264 families are devastated. 1096 01:00:16,308 --> 01:00:19,528 Today in Your Health, we look at an unusual suicide, 1097 01:00:19,572 --> 01:00:21,574 one that, according to family members, 1098 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:24,621 actually made grieving easier. 1099 01:00:24,664 --> 01:00:26,971 NPR's Alix Spiegel reports. 1100 01:00:27,014 --> 01:00:29,495 - Five years ago, after doctors told her 1101 01:00:29,538 --> 01:00:31,497 that she had an irreversible brain disease 1102 01:00:31,540 --> 01:00:33,020 that would eventually steal her ability 1103 01:00:33,064 --> 01:00:36,502 to read, write and recognize the people she most loved, 1104 01:00:36,545 --> 01:00:39,244 Sandy Bem decided to kill herself. 1105 01:00:39,287 --> 01:00:42,508 Sandy was an unsentimental woman and strong-willed, 1106 01:00:42,551 --> 01:00:45,337 and for her, a life without books and 1107 01:00:45,380 --> 01:00:48,296 the ability to recognize people that she loved wasn't 1108 01:00:48,340 --> 01:00:49,820 a life that she wanted. 1109 01:00:49,863 --> 01:00:51,560 She and her husband, Daryl Bem, 1110 01:00:51,604 --> 01:00:54,172 had volunteered at a suicide hotline for years 1111 01:00:54,215 --> 01:00:56,609 and Sandy was a suicide therapist. 1112 01:00:56,653 --> 01:00:59,743 - My name is Daryl Bem and I'm now retired 1113 01:00:59,786 --> 01:01:03,790 but I was a professor of psychology at 1114 01:01:03,834 --> 01:01:06,706 until I retired in 2006. 1115 01:01:06,750 --> 01:01:10,623 My father had Alzheimer's disease and that was at 1116 01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:13,844 a time when even physiciansdidn't know that much about it. 1117 01:01:14,888 --> 01:01:16,934 By the time I met Linda and Camila, 1118 01:01:16,977 --> 01:01:19,545 I had already prepared this document. 1119 01:01:19,588 --> 01:01:22,548 And I had prepared that document because 1120 01:01:22,591 --> 01:01:24,942 of an article that had appeared about Sandy 1121 01:01:24,985 --> 01:01:29,207 and her disease and the decisionleading up to her death, 1122 01:01:29,250 --> 01:01:31,905 so I was getting phone calls and email messages 1123 01:01:31,949 --> 01:01:36,954 of people asking me questions, usually apologetically. 1124 01:01:36,997 --> 01:01:39,696 And I decided that, if there was that much interest, 1125 01:01:39,739 --> 01:01:42,611 then I should prepare, sort of, a brief document, 1126 01:01:42,655 --> 01:01:45,179 that would go into more detail than 1127 01:01:45,223 --> 01:01:48,095 the New York Times Magazine article did. 1128 01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:50,707 - Here's the artist. 1129 01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:53,492 - Hi, I'm Sparrow Lea Farraday - Tell us your name. 1130 01:01:53,535 --> 01:01:57,975 - and I'm seven-years-old, this is my masterpiece. 1131 01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:01,456 It's my grandmothers' backyard. 1132 01:02:02,806 --> 01:02:06,679 The swing, and the sun, 1133 01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:09,029 and a pine tree that I like, 1134 01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:11,510 and those are the deer footprints. 1135 01:02:11,553 --> 01:02:14,556 - Wow, it has lots of theelements of our backyard, Nana. 1136 01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,254 - That's really cool. 1137 01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:19,953 Nice observations and nice depictions. 1138 01:02:19,997 --> 01:02:20,780 - Exactly. - Do you know what 1139 01:02:20,824 --> 01:02:22,086 a depiction is? 1140 01:02:22,129 --> 01:02:23,522 A picture of something that you see. 1141 01:02:23,565 --> 01:02:25,742 - Thank you. - It might not 1142 01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:27,395 be exactly like the way the thing is 1143 01:02:27,439 --> 01:02:29,571 but it's a depiction of it. 1144 01:02:29,615 --> 01:02:33,097 - Many people didn't expect this. 1145 01:02:33,140 --> 01:02:35,273 I had people say, "I didn't know it was that bad." 1146 01:02:37,014 --> 01:02:41,235 And in my mind and in my heart I'm going 1147 01:02:41,279 --> 01:02:45,849 it's not that it was so bad, it's that it was still good. 1148 01:02:47,154 --> 01:02:50,462 It's that we still had time, 1149 01:02:50,505 --> 01:02:52,725 but you never have enough time. 1150 01:02:52,769 --> 01:02:55,119 But this whole time you're chasing... 1151 01:02:55,162 --> 01:02:57,599 When are we gonna run out of time? 1152 01:02:57,643 --> 01:02:58,905 When is it gonna be too late? 1153 01:02:59,993 --> 01:03:02,126 - The reason that it went from so bright 1154 01:03:02,169 --> 01:03:04,345 to just out is because the place between there 1155 01:03:05,259 --> 01:03:07,914 was not what Linda wanted at all 1156 01:03:07,958 --> 01:03:10,438 for herself or for anyone. 1157 01:03:10,482 --> 01:03:13,659 She did want that place to be defined. 1158 01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:17,402 - She didn't want to waste 1159 01:03:17,445 --> 01:03:20,797 the world's resources on keeping her alive. 1160 01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:25,497 She didn't want to be changed like a baby, 1161 01:03:25,540 --> 01:03:27,978 you know, like, have a diaper and be spoon-fed 1162 01:03:28,021 --> 01:03:31,242 and not even know she was eating or what she's eating. 1163 01:03:31,285 --> 01:03:35,072 - Some people are just barely alive, you know? 1164 01:03:35,115 --> 01:03:37,509 Whether it's in their soul or their health 1165 01:03:37,552 --> 01:03:40,381 or whatever it is, some people are just barely alive. 1166 01:03:41,252 --> 01:03:42,949 Linda was not one of those people. 1167 01:03:42,993 --> 01:03:46,083 She was very much alive, and wanted 1168 01:03:46,126 --> 01:03:50,130 to remain very much alive untilshe was not alive anymore. 1169 01:03:51,044 --> 01:03:52,480 That's what that is for me, 1170 01:03:52,524 --> 01:03:55,353 that's how I talk to myself about it. 1171 01:03:55,396 --> 01:03:57,311 - Someone who wants to take their own lives who 1172 01:03:57,355 --> 01:04:01,925 is suffering from dementia must act too soon, 1173 01:04:01,968 --> 01:04:03,448 you must take your life too soon, 1174 01:04:03,491 --> 01:04:06,538 that is while you still have a quality of life left 1175 01:04:06,581 --> 01:04:08,888 that you would not choose to terminate, 1176 01:04:08,932 --> 01:04:12,283 except that you have to do it while you still can. 1177 01:04:13,632 --> 01:04:16,026 - Because I was aware that she wanted to end her life, 1178 01:04:16,069 --> 01:04:19,899 it became clear to both of us that she needed 1179 01:04:19,943 --> 01:04:22,597 to experience what she couldn't do. 1180 01:04:23,555 --> 01:04:26,166 I mean, she could go get the mail and she could attempt 1181 01:04:26,210 --> 01:04:29,430 to fix things around the house but together we decided 1182 01:04:29,474 --> 01:04:32,607 that we ought to try having her suffer in 1183 01:04:32,651 --> 01:04:35,567 a way through what her disability was. 1184 01:04:35,610 --> 01:04:38,787 So I stopped doing stuff for her. 1185 01:04:39,701 --> 01:04:42,530 - Hi, Camila, it's Linda. Idon't know why it always happens 1186 01:04:42,574 --> 01:04:45,664 that when you leave the house, I cannot make 1187 01:04:45,707 --> 01:04:47,971 the sound system work. 1188 01:04:49,015 --> 01:04:52,627 I have it set for TV and I have it- 1189 01:04:54,629 --> 01:04:57,371 the speakers A and B, and... 1190 01:05:00,331 --> 01:05:01,375 power, and... 1191 01:05:02,986 --> 01:05:05,640 I don't know why every time you leave, 1192 01:05:05,684 --> 01:05:08,252 I don't know what the fuck to do to make the TV work! 1193 01:05:10,254 --> 01:05:12,256 Maybe you could give me a call. 1194 01:05:12,299 --> 01:05:13,953 There's no sound coming out of it 1195 01:05:13,997 --> 01:05:17,087 and I don't remember how to do it. [crying] 1196 01:05:17,957 --> 01:05:20,742 - I hated watching her suffer. 1197 01:05:21,569 --> 01:05:23,615 [Camila sobbing] 1198 01:05:24,659 --> 01:05:26,574 I hated watching her get frustrated. 1199 01:05:28,011 --> 01:05:32,798 But it felt necessary and fair and honest, you know? 1200 01:05:32,841 --> 01:05:33,973 It really was. 1201 01:05:35,670 --> 01:05:40,240 And she made me promise. She'd say, "Don't you dare." 1202 01:05:40,284 --> 01:05:44,636 "Don't you dare protect me too much or sabotage my plans." 1203 01:05:46,246 --> 01:05:50,511 I was aware I could sabotage her plans pretty easily 1204 01:05:50,555 --> 01:05:53,601 by distracting her or whatever, and... anyway. 1205 01:05:55,212 --> 01:06:00,173 Yeah, I took the high road instead. 1206 01:06:03,916 --> 01:06:06,788 - Brittany Maynard's 30th birthday is five weeks away 1207 01:06:06,832 --> 01:06:08,486 and she is not planning to see it. 1208 01:06:08,529 --> 01:06:10,836 We first reported last week on this young woman 1209 01:06:10,879 --> 01:06:13,447 with terminal cancer, her story is restarting 1210 01:06:13,491 --> 01:06:17,495 a national debate over medical aid in dying. 1211 01:06:17,538 --> 01:06:20,585 - After her diagnosis, she moved to Portland, Oregon, 1212 01:06:20,628 --> 01:06:23,240 one of five states where it is legal for doctors 1213 01:06:23,283 --> 01:06:27,853 to help terminally ill patients take their own lives. 1214 01:06:27,896 --> 01:06:30,334 - Oregon is the state with the longest history 1215 01:06:30,377 --> 01:06:32,684 of having a death with dignity law 1216 01:06:32,727 --> 01:06:35,948 that permits people to get a prescription for 1217 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:39,038 a lethal dose that they administer to themselves. 1218 01:06:39,082 --> 01:06:43,608 But the law requires that two physicians be able 1219 01:06:43,651 --> 01:06:46,611 to certify that they will be dead from 1220 01:06:46,654 --> 01:06:49,092 the disease within six months 1221 01:06:49,135 --> 01:06:50,571 and that they are of sound mind, 1222 01:06:50,615 --> 01:06:52,834 and then they can get that prescription. 1223 01:06:52,878 --> 01:06:56,403 Someone with dementia could easily lose 1224 01:06:56,447 --> 01:06:59,015 the capacity to remember that they had planned 1225 01:06:59,058 --> 01:07:01,930 to take their lives, and more, not be able 1226 01:07:01,974 --> 01:07:04,542 to carry out the procedures, that under the law, 1227 01:07:04,585 --> 01:07:06,848 they have to carry out by themselves. 1228 01:07:08,850 --> 01:07:12,550 - Was I hesitant in jumping into this whole thing? No. 1229 01:07:13,942 --> 01:07:16,989 Which is interesting. This idea 1230 01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:21,820 that somebody would choose to end their own life 1231 01:07:21,863 --> 01:07:23,474 that wasn't outside. 1232 01:07:24,562 --> 01:07:26,085 What I did was observe. 1233 01:07:26,129 --> 01:07:30,220 We had a very specific list of things 1234 01:07:30,263 --> 01:07:33,440 to be done from what Daryl had written, 1235 01:07:33,484 --> 01:07:37,227 and they were in short declarative sentences. 1236 01:07:37,270 --> 01:07:40,447 The drug that Sandy used has the trade name 1237 01:07:40,491 --> 01:07:44,016 of Nembutal. It's sodium barbital. 1238 01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:45,409 It's a barbiturate that was used in 1239 01:07:45,452 --> 01:07:49,456 the 1950s to treat insomnia. 1240 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:52,155 Which implies that if you use Nembutal 1241 01:07:52,198 --> 01:07:54,113 to take your own life, 1242 01:07:54,157 --> 01:07:56,463 you will necessarily die in your sleep. 1243 01:07:56,507 --> 01:07:58,596 And that's why it was the drug of choice 1244 01:07:58,639 --> 01:08:01,120 for the states that have death by dignity laws. 1245 01:08:01,164 --> 01:08:03,992 It's virtually used by all veterinarians 1246 01:08:04,036 --> 01:08:07,605 for humanely euthanizing animals. 1247 01:08:07,648 --> 01:08:10,521 It's illegal in the United States. 1248 01:08:10,564 --> 01:08:14,960 - Having the materials available would then give her 1249 01:08:15,003 --> 01:08:18,790 the choice, if and when she decided to do it. 1250 01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:22,707 Whereas, if she didn't get the materials at that time, 1251 01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:27,712 which was in September of 2014, 1252 01:08:27,755 --> 01:08:29,453 she wouldn't have the opportunity. 1253 01:08:29,496 --> 01:08:32,804 - There have now been 1,200 people in Oregon over 1254 01:08:32,847 --> 01:08:36,721 the years that have gotten the prescription for the drug, 1255 01:08:36,764 --> 01:08:39,941 but one third of those people never used it. 1256 01:08:39,985 --> 01:08:44,555 What Oregon reports is people are just so relieved 1257 01:08:44,598 --> 01:08:47,427 to know that this is now under their control 1258 01:08:47,471 --> 01:08:50,561 that they find they can get on with their lives. 1259 01:08:50,604 --> 01:08:54,478 - If she had waited until January of this year, 1260 01:08:54,521 --> 01:08:58,003 she wouldn't manage to write an email 1261 01:08:58,046 --> 01:09:01,441 to the gentleman in Mexico, she wouldn't have managed 1262 01:09:01,485 --> 01:09:04,444 to get her credit card numbers and so on. 1263 01:09:04,488 --> 01:09:07,186 She couldn't have done it herself. 1264 01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:10,015 And if she couldn't do it herself, 1265 01:09:10,058 --> 01:09:12,539 then it would require somebody to assist her, 1266 01:09:13,410 --> 01:09:16,978 which ends up, at whole, being an entirely different matter. 1267 01:09:25,117 --> 01:09:25,900 - Where was I? 1268 01:09:25,944 --> 01:09:27,032 - You said something about 1269 01:09:27,075 --> 01:09:28,207 this moment of lucidity or something. 1270 01:09:28,251 --> 01:09:30,383 - Yeah, I know that, that moment's passed. 1271 01:09:30,427 --> 01:09:34,518 [laughing] 1272 01:09:37,651 --> 01:09:41,394 You know, I love you a lot. 1273 01:09:41,438 --> 01:09:43,222 - I love you too. - And I know you are a nurse, 1274 01:09:43,266 --> 01:09:48,096 but you're a retired nurse so you don't have to nurse me. 1275 01:09:48,140 --> 01:09:49,489 - But people with Alzheimer's can, 1276 01:09:49,533 --> 01:09:51,143 even when they don't know who people are, 1277 01:09:51,187 --> 01:09:55,539 they could still have good days and joy 1278 01:09:55,582 --> 01:10:00,587 and enjoy a beautiful day or a beautiful sight. 1279 01:10:01,632 --> 01:10:04,200 - Right, that's true. 1280 01:10:06,332 --> 01:10:07,115 That's true. 1281 01:10:08,029 --> 01:10:11,729 We were doing this bizarre thing like looking 1282 01:10:11,772 --> 01:10:15,254 at work schedules and family schedules, 1283 01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:17,778 and we'd find these windows and say, "We're doing dinner, 1284 01:10:17,822 --> 01:10:21,042 "we're having lunch, we're doing a photo shoot..." 1285 01:10:21,086 --> 01:10:23,393 We're doing whatever we can with these times 1286 01:10:23,436 --> 01:10:26,744 that we're all together and then it would get 1287 01:10:26,787 --> 01:10:29,399 a little later on and I'd start to say, 1288 01:10:29,442 --> 01:10:31,662 "Well, I can give up thatshift, I can give up that shift, 1289 01:10:31,705 --> 01:10:33,185 "Jeff went down another shift, 1290 01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:35,622 "the kids are gonna stop doing this one activity." 1291 01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:38,016 - I got into the thing of realizing that I needed 1292 01:10:38,059 --> 01:10:41,802 to contact to see how she was doing. 1293 01:10:41,846 --> 01:10:43,761 And so I would get together and one of 1294 01:10:43,804 --> 01:10:47,025 the questions I would ask is, "Is it time?" 1295 01:10:47,068 --> 01:10:49,114 And she would say "No, it's not time." 1296 01:10:49,157 --> 01:10:51,203 - It's never gonna be the time. 1297 01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:54,293 It's never gonna feel like the right time. 1298 01:10:54,337 --> 01:10:57,557 It's not a dentist appointment, you know? 1299 01:11:00,343 --> 01:11:03,084 - The hardest part was leaving. 1300 01:11:05,043 --> 01:11:06,610 I could be here and I could talk 1301 01:11:06,653 --> 01:11:11,745 with Linda about all of this and I could be sane, 1302 01:11:11,789 --> 01:11:16,750 rational, help her, look at it in her way 1303 01:11:16,794 --> 01:11:19,579 and then I would get in the car 1304 01:11:19,623 --> 01:11:21,929 and I would head down the driveway 1305 01:11:21,973 --> 01:11:24,671 and I'd have to stop and cry. 1306 01:11:25,846 --> 01:11:30,503 That was my job was to be here for Linda, 1307 01:11:31,591 --> 01:11:36,422 and to take care of me and my issues elsewhere. 1308 01:11:37,510 --> 01:11:39,860 - The things I could do were help her say goodbye, 1309 01:11:41,732 --> 01:11:43,037 help her think about the end 1310 01:11:43,081 --> 01:11:46,693 and also not shield her from her disability 1311 01:11:46,737 --> 01:11:48,565 and her capabilities. 1312 01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:51,089 All of that went into, I think, 1313 01:11:51,132 --> 01:11:53,918 Linda finally coming to the decision 1314 01:11:53,961 --> 01:11:55,441 that she needed to do it. 1315 01:11:59,489 --> 01:12:01,534 - So line up for kisses. 1316 01:12:04,058 --> 01:12:05,756 Remember the good times. 1317 01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:10,282 Love people you just met. 1318 01:12:12,589 --> 01:12:13,764 Be kind to each other. 1319 01:12:16,810 --> 01:12:17,594 Hug the dog. 1320 01:12:19,683 --> 01:12:21,598 - Linda, at this point, had gone around 1321 01:12:21,641 --> 01:12:24,818 and said goodbyes to lots of people. 1322 01:12:24,862 --> 01:12:28,126 So there were those closures taking place. 1323 01:12:29,388 --> 01:12:33,653 It was the question of, "Okay, so... what day? 1324 01:12:35,046 --> 01:12:36,569 "When do you want to do it?" 1325 01:12:39,572 --> 01:12:43,228 The day before the thing that we have no word for, 1326 01:12:43,271 --> 01:12:48,276 we decided that we were all gonna have dinner as a family. 1327 01:12:48,320 --> 01:12:50,670 And as somebody who really feels 1328 01:12:50,714 --> 01:12:53,151 that food is an important part of ritual, 1329 01:12:53,194 --> 01:12:55,893 I was going, "What do you eat?" 1330 01:12:57,068 --> 01:12:59,200 And then I was just in charge of dessert. 1331 01:12:59,244 --> 01:13:02,421 Okay, I'm gonna make dessert and it's gonna be 1332 01:13:02,465 --> 01:13:04,510 the best thing I've ever made. 1333 01:13:04,554 --> 01:13:05,642 Linda has a sweet tooth, 1334 01:13:05,685 --> 01:13:06,904 I'm gonna make her something amazing, 1335 01:13:06,947 --> 01:13:08,340 something I've never made, 1336 01:13:08,384 --> 01:13:10,037 something I might never make again. 1337 01:13:10,081 --> 01:13:13,606 So I made this chocolate peanut butter tart. 1338 01:13:14,738 --> 01:13:18,524 And I meditated into that tart. 1339 01:13:18,568 --> 01:13:23,573 I slowed my entire existence down pressing the shell in 1340 01:13:24,225 --> 01:13:27,359 and of making the ganache and peanut butter mousse 1341 01:13:27,403 --> 01:13:29,927 and putting the peanuts on the top of it 1342 01:13:29,970 --> 01:13:32,320 and I just held this thing up and kind of carried 1343 01:13:32,364 --> 01:13:35,498 it around and it became this exact little microcosm 1344 01:13:35,541 --> 01:13:39,415 of my intention was in this little pie, you know? 1345 01:13:39,458 --> 01:13:41,721 And we went over for dinner and Camila 1346 01:13:41,765 --> 01:13:44,028 and Linda were all having Manhattans 1347 01:13:44,071 --> 01:13:46,552 and playing loud music and laughing and crying 1348 01:13:46,596 --> 01:13:49,425 in this very joyous, kind of, exuberant way. 1349 01:13:49,468 --> 01:13:51,688 And we walked into it, they were very happy to see us. 1350 01:13:51,731 --> 01:13:54,168 And we all kind of hung around, 1351 01:13:54,212 --> 01:13:58,608 the kids did some performances,they sang some songs. 1352 01:13:58,651 --> 01:14:01,654 ♪ Ruby lips above the water 1353 01:14:01,698 --> 01:14:06,442 ♪ Blowing bubbles soft and fine ♪ 1354 01:14:06,485 --> 01:14:10,750 ♪ But alas, I was no swimmer 1355 01:14:10,794 --> 01:14:15,320 ♪ So I lost my Clementine 1356 01:14:15,363 --> 01:14:19,542 ♪ Oh my darlin', oh my darlin' 1357 01:14:19,585 --> 01:14:24,503 ♪ Oh my darlin', Clementine 1358 01:14:24,547 --> 01:14:28,420 ♪ You were lost and gone forever ♪ 1359 01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:32,511 ♪ Dreadful sorry, Clementine 1360 01:14:33,512 --> 01:14:34,774 - People don't get to do that. 1361 01:14:34,818 --> 01:14:36,384 They don't get to see someone and say, like, 1362 01:14:36,428 --> 01:14:39,039 "This is gonna be the last time I see you." 1363 01:14:39,083 --> 01:14:41,346 You don't really get to do that. 1364 01:14:41,389 --> 01:14:42,478 You never know when that's gonna be 1365 01:14:42,521 --> 01:14:44,436 and there's a lot of fear there. 1366 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:47,526 And then that disconnect can feel that much more dramatic. 1367 01:14:47,570 --> 01:14:49,528 "I never got to say goodbye." 1368 01:14:50,834 --> 01:14:53,358 I did get to say goodbye. 1369 01:14:53,401 --> 01:14:57,014 I felt like I was saying goodbye for years to Linda. 1370 01:14:59,190 --> 01:15:04,064 ♪ There will be a change in the weather ♪ 1371 01:15:04,108 --> 01:15:07,241 [somber music] 1372 01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:09,896 - It was like a mockingly beautiful day. 1373 01:15:09,940 --> 01:15:12,595 It's almost absurd how gorgeous it was. 1374 01:15:12,638 --> 01:15:14,074 It was the middle of March 1375 01:15:14,118 --> 01:15:16,424 and you're going, like, "What is this beautiful day?" 1376 01:15:16,468 --> 01:15:18,688 "Fuck you, beautiful day. You're not a beautiful day, 1377 01:15:18,731 --> 01:15:20,603 "but you are!" and all that... 1378 01:15:21,995 --> 01:15:24,694 - I was in the middle of a techrehearsal at the theater and 1379 01:15:26,260 --> 01:15:29,307 Camila had said that she wanted me to be there 1380 01:15:29,350 --> 01:15:31,483 and Linda said she wanted me to be there. 1381 01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:33,441 - They all said to me, "Well, you have a choice. 1382 01:15:33,485 --> 01:15:35,574 "You can decide to not be here. 1383 01:15:35,618 --> 01:15:38,359 "You can decide to be here and then leave 1384 01:15:38,403 --> 01:15:40,927 "or be here and then stay." 1385 01:15:40,971 --> 01:15:42,755 I just didn't think it would have been right 1386 01:15:42,799 --> 01:15:45,932 to be there and then leave. No way, not leave my mother. 1387 01:15:48,369 --> 01:15:50,502 - [sighs] It was all a little bit of a blur, 1388 01:15:50,546 --> 01:15:51,895 to tell you the truth. 1389 01:15:51,938 --> 01:15:56,334 I do know that one special connection that Jeffrey 1390 01:15:56,377 --> 01:16:01,382 and Linda had is that he makes very delicious breakfasts. 1391 01:16:02,688 --> 01:16:03,733 - Eggs Benedict. 1392 01:16:05,648 --> 01:16:10,217 I loved cooking for Linda, she was my best customer. 1393 01:16:10,261 --> 01:16:14,482 [laughs] And we had some phenomenal meals here, 1394 01:16:14,526 --> 01:16:17,877 sitting at that bar over there at the island. 1395 01:16:17,921 --> 01:16:20,880 - Later in the morning, Lin and I decided to take off. 1396 01:16:20,924 --> 01:16:25,189 The house felt very heavy, just, 1397 01:16:26,625 --> 01:16:27,800 the air felt heavy. 1398 01:16:27,844 --> 01:16:31,456 Everything was heavy that day. 1399 01:16:32,370 --> 01:16:35,373 So we had to get out of dodge. 1400 01:16:35,416 --> 01:16:37,636 And the two of us, just alone, we decided 1401 01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:41,422 to take Roada, our van, to go for a drive. 1402 01:16:42,336 --> 01:16:45,383 So we went to Stewart Park and sat in Roada 1403 01:16:45,426 --> 01:16:49,909 and talked about our lives and Linda gave me lots 1404 01:16:49,953 --> 01:16:54,958 of advice about how I was gonna be okay, 1405 01:16:55,523 --> 01:16:57,395 and I had a great family 1406 01:16:57,438 --> 01:17:00,441 and a wonderful community of friends. 1407 01:17:00,485 --> 01:17:01,617 A lot of living to do, basically, 1408 01:17:01,660 --> 01:17:04,576 she gave me a big pep talk. 1409 01:17:06,709 --> 01:17:08,754 - She was hoping that you might just be able 1410 01:17:08,798 --> 01:17:10,582 to give her some general advice 1411 01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:14,630 that she could just look to throughout the years. 1412 01:17:14,673 --> 01:17:15,456 - Wow. 1413 01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:18,764 - What do you want to tell the kids at home? 1414 01:17:18,808 --> 01:17:20,984 - [laughs] Just really, having a great time, 1415 01:17:21,027 --> 01:17:21,985 wish you were here. 1416 01:17:22,028 --> 01:17:23,290 - Right. 1417 01:17:23,334 --> 01:17:24,552 - [laughs] That's probably not the best thing 1418 01:17:24,596 --> 01:17:26,859 to send from the grave, is it? 1419 01:17:28,948 --> 01:17:29,906 - I think so. 1420 01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:30,994 - Okay. 1421 01:17:32,169 --> 01:17:36,129 - Wow. See? She knows how to rescue me from anything. 1422 01:17:36,173 --> 01:17:37,087 - Yeah. 1423 01:17:37,130 --> 01:17:37,957 [laughing] 1424 01:17:38,001 --> 01:17:39,655 - She's never let me down. 1425 01:17:39,698 --> 01:17:40,960 - She's gonna kick herself later, though, 1426 01:17:41,004 --> 01:17:42,745 when she knows she was this close 1427 01:17:42,788 --> 01:17:45,182 to some solid advice. - To knowing the pearl-- 1428 01:17:45,225 --> 01:17:48,359 - And then she buried it with the lunch plan. 1429 01:17:48,402 --> 01:17:49,665 - Aww. 1430 01:17:49,708 --> 01:17:50,796 [laughing] 1431 01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:52,363 You think? 1432 01:17:52,406 --> 01:17:53,233 - Uh-huh. 1433 01:17:53,277 --> 01:17:54,757 - Yeah, she will. 1434 01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:55,932 I already have the answer. 1435 01:17:55,975 --> 01:17:57,368 Turn it on. - Okay, okay. 1436 01:17:58,586 --> 01:18:01,415 - W... 1437 01:18:01,459 --> 01:18:05,289 W... 1438 01:18:05,332 --> 01:18:09,162 L... 1439 01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:10,033 D. 1440 01:18:13,601 --> 01:18:15,125 What would Linda do? 1441 01:18:15,168 --> 01:18:16,126 [laughing] 1442 01:18:16,169 --> 01:18:17,649 - What would Linda do? 1443 01:18:19,085 --> 01:18:21,697 - Try to see the broad picture and then focus in. 1444 01:18:23,133 --> 01:18:27,093 If it's an issue about humans and human nature, 1445 01:18:27,137 --> 01:18:29,705 it's always give them the benefit of the doubt. 1446 01:18:32,098 --> 01:18:33,621 The other thing I would say is that she 1447 01:18:33,665 --> 01:18:35,711 and I are very different people 1448 01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:40,106 and she is incredibly good at so many things, 1449 01:18:41,673 --> 01:18:45,416 and helpful, and pleasant, and courteous 1450 01:18:45,459 --> 01:18:48,462 [laughing] in ways that I'm not sure I ever have been. 1451 01:18:48,506 --> 01:18:53,511 So I think that my answer would be: 1452 01:18:53,859 --> 01:18:57,907 You have this stuff that counts because you know how 1453 01:18:57,950 --> 01:18:59,909 to deal with the feelings of the heart. 1454 01:19:00,823 --> 01:19:03,564 And if somebody wants to know how to put 1455 01:19:03,608 --> 01:19:04,870 a piece of board onto something else, 1456 01:19:04,914 --> 01:19:06,654 there's tons of people who can do that with you 1457 01:19:06,698 --> 01:19:10,746 and you can be helped by them. [sniffles] 1458 01:19:10,789 --> 01:19:13,444 But if it's a feeling of the heart or if someone needs help 1459 01:19:13,487 --> 01:19:18,536 that way, you're always on the spot with great advice. 1460 01:19:18,579 --> 01:19:20,538 So don't sell yourself short. 1461 01:19:26,457 --> 01:19:29,852 [gentle acoustic music] 1462 01:19:33,203 --> 01:19:36,597 - I came in and everybody was kind of sitting around. 1463 01:19:37,816 --> 01:19:39,557 Who knew what that day was gonna be like? 1464 01:19:39,600 --> 01:19:41,602 I mean, there was no rehearsal for this. 1465 01:19:41,646 --> 01:19:43,735 Nobody could say, "Oh, well the last time I went 1466 01:19:43,779 --> 01:19:48,305 "to an event like this." I meanthis was brand new territory 1467 01:19:49,436 --> 01:19:51,395 - This was some Lewis and Clark shit. 1468 01:19:54,572 --> 01:19:59,142 There's no preparing for that kind of experience, 1469 01:20:00,012 --> 01:20:03,668 sitting down in a room full of people who you care about 1470 01:20:03,711 --> 01:20:06,279 and knowing that one of you is gonna die. 1471 01:20:07,672 --> 01:20:09,717 - After a few hours I guess Jens 1472 01:20:09,761 --> 01:20:13,243 and Nancy came by and I remember not wanting 1473 01:20:13,286 --> 01:20:14,244 to see you show up. 1474 01:20:15,941 --> 01:20:20,772 - Oh, I can imagine, yeah. - Yeah, that was really hard. 1475 01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:24,602 - In that afternoon I was like okay, it's really happening. 1476 01:20:24,645 --> 01:20:29,520 Okay, Jens just got here, that means the ball's rolling. 1477 01:20:29,563 --> 01:20:33,176 - Nancy and I came in about four o'clock 1478 01:20:33,219 --> 01:20:36,657 and she immediately was up and ready to go. 1479 01:20:36,701 --> 01:20:39,008 - And as soon as Jens and Nancy came in, 1480 01:20:39,051 --> 01:20:44,056 Linda jumped up and all of us got on like high alert. 1481 01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:46,972 - I mean, that was just so brave to just be like okay, 1482 01:20:47,016 --> 01:20:49,714 like I'm, and we could do this now, I'm ready. 1483 01:20:49,757 --> 01:20:52,543 But then it was a challenge of like waiting 1484 01:20:52,586 --> 01:20:55,328 for the right time and nobody wanting 1485 01:20:55,372 --> 01:20:58,288 to say, "It's getting late," or, you know, 1486 01:20:58,331 --> 01:21:01,073 "Okay, how about now?" Like nobody. 1487 01:21:02,118 --> 01:21:05,730 - I'm really grateful for that time. 1488 01:21:05,773 --> 01:21:07,601 I'm grateful for all the time. 1489 01:21:09,560 --> 01:21:12,737 But those were the longest minutes of my life. 1490 01:21:12,780 --> 01:21:17,176 I mean, there were seconds of silence that felt like hours. 1491 01:21:20,614 --> 01:21:23,922 - Boy, I spent a good deal of time staring 1492 01:21:23,966 --> 01:21:25,576 at this stove that day. 1493 01:21:27,665 --> 01:21:29,449 [laughs] 1494 01:21:29,493 --> 01:21:34,585 The lamp was elsewhere and thatrectangle occupied my field 1495 01:21:34,628 --> 01:21:38,937 of vision for pretty much the whole day. 1496 01:21:38,981 --> 01:21:41,635 Like, I stared in that hole. 1497 01:21:41,679 --> 01:21:46,640 I examined its angles and where the bricks were 1498 01:21:46,684 --> 01:21:48,904 and... you know, I needed something. 1499 01:21:50,993 --> 01:21:53,125 - So we were all listening to Linda sing. 1500 01:21:53,169 --> 01:21:56,737 It wasn't really much talking going on, I mean... 1501 01:21:56,781 --> 01:21:58,478 - It's like looking at each other 1502 01:21:58,522 --> 01:22:00,741 and smiling and we were silent sometimes 1503 01:22:00,785 --> 01:22:03,309 and then we played some music 1504 01:22:03,353 --> 01:22:07,139 and we sang together and then we were silent. 1505 01:22:07,183 --> 01:22:09,620 - Such an otherworldly experience 1506 01:22:09,663 --> 01:22:12,014 that nothing could have prepared me for, 1507 01:22:12,057 --> 01:22:16,453 or any of us, and here we are going through it together, 1508 01:22:16,496 --> 01:22:18,759 wading through these uncharted waters, 1509 01:22:19,804 --> 01:22:21,588 making it up as we go along. 1510 01:22:24,852 --> 01:22:26,811 Save for Linda who had her plan. 1511 01:22:28,204 --> 01:22:31,207 And she was gonna stick to it and we were all there 1512 01:22:31,250 --> 01:22:34,993 to support her and to show her that however hard it was, 1513 01:22:35,037 --> 01:22:38,562 that we love her enough to let her go through with it. 1514 01:22:41,521 --> 01:22:44,916 - And then there was this really Linda moment. 1515 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:47,875 - She was sitting there and she threw her hands back 1516 01:22:47,919 --> 01:22:51,140 and threw her head back on the sofa. 1517 01:22:51,183 --> 01:22:53,664 - And she said, "I just want everyone 1518 01:22:53,707 --> 01:22:56,972 "to know that this whole thing sucks." 1519 01:22:57,798 --> 01:22:59,670 - And then she came back down and she turned 1520 01:22:59,713 --> 01:23:01,889 to me and said, "Let's go." 1521 01:23:01,933 --> 01:23:03,761 - After that, everybody just told her 1522 01:23:03,804 --> 01:23:06,764 how much they loved her, how much it meant 1523 01:23:06,807 --> 01:23:11,551 to them to be here, to have known her, to care for her. 1524 01:23:12,770 --> 01:23:14,076 - The next thing we had to do was 1525 01:23:14,119 --> 01:23:16,600 to fix her gin and tonic which took a while. 1526 01:23:17,644 --> 01:23:20,473 Because she couldn't remember how to make a gin and tonic. 1527 01:23:20,517 --> 01:23:22,867 - Aurelia moved to be on the other side of 1528 01:23:22,910 --> 01:23:27,915 Camila, and Camila was hyperventilating and... 1529 01:23:28,220 --> 01:23:31,571 - She got out a coffee cup and a glass, 1530 01:23:31,615 --> 01:23:33,008 she was supposed to get two glasses 1531 01:23:33,051 --> 01:23:34,487 but she couldn't find them. 1532 01:23:36,011 --> 01:23:38,143 She got those two out of the dishwasher. 1533 01:23:38,187 --> 01:23:41,712 And in the coffee cup she made herself a gin and tonic. 1534 01:23:43,322 --> 01:23:46,456 - The two of them, Jens and Linda, went into the room. 1535 01:23:47,979 --> 01:23:50,503 - She knew exactly what to do and she got 1536 01:23:50,547 --> 01:23:52,505 the two bottles of medicine, 1537 01:23:52,549 --> 01:23:55,943 popped the little rubber caps out 1538 01:23:55,987 --> 01:23:58,990 and poured the two bottles into a glass. 1539 01:24:00,470 --> 01:24:03,081 I asked her, "Do you want to do this?" 1540 01:24:03,125 --> 01:24:05,431 And she said, "Let's get on with it." 1541 01:24:06,693 --> 01:24:09,479 That was not said for her, I knew what she wanted. 1542 01:24:09,522 --> 01:24:11,481 That was said for me. 1543 01:24:13,483 --> 01:24:18,009 I spent my whole life learning enough 1544 01:24:18,053 --> 01:24:21,491 and getting things together so that I could do that. 1545 01:24:23,536 --> 01:24:27,671 Took everything I've ever learned for myself 1546 01:24:28,889 --> 01:24:30,500 to be there for Linda. 1547 01:24:32,850 --> 01:24:34,330 - Well, you know, I just thought of something 1548 01:24:34,373 --> 01:24:36,854 else I could say to Camila. 1549 01:24:40,640 --> 01:24:44,818 You can still live your life and just, you know... 1550 01:24:52,522 --> 01:24:54,828 Don't waste the time that you have. 1551 01:24:58,615 --> 01:25:00,356 [sniffling] 1552 01:25:04,621 --> 01:25:06,579 I guess that's it. 1553 01:25:06,623 --> 01:25:08,538 You think that's clear? 1554 01:25:09,452 --> 01:25:10,496 - Okay. 1555 01:25:13,151 --> 01:25:14,587 [birds chirping] 1556 01:25:14,631 --> 01:25:16,589 - I don't know what she'll do with that information. 1557 01:25:16,633 --> 01:25:17,982 - Well... 1558 01:25:18,025 --> 01:25:19,026 - She has it. 1559 01:25:19,070 --> 01:25:20,071 - She has it. 1560 01:25:24,989 --> 01:25:28,906 Yeah, don't waste a lot of money if I'm on my way out. 1561 01:25:44,008 --> 01:25:45,444 It'd be impressive if I died right now, 1562 01:25:45,488 --> 01:25:48,317 that would be impressive. [laughs] 1563 01:25:49,927 --> 01:25:51,842 But I'm not ready to do it so forget about it, man. 1564 01:25:51,885 --> 01:25:53,060 - Forget about it. - I'm not gonna get 1565 01:25:53,104 --> 01:25:55,367 let you film me dying. 1566 01:25:55,411 --> 01:25:56,238 - No. 1567 01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:01,373 - I took Linda's hand, we walked into the bedroom 1568 01:26:01,417 --> 01:26:04,463 and she lay down on the bed, on her back, 1569 01:26:05,595 --> 01:26:08,424 and she said, "I'm gonna need my eye mask." 1570 01:26:08,467 --> 01:26:10,600 Because it was kind of bright in the bedroom. 1571 01:26:12,210 --> 01:26:13,820 I knew she wouldn't need them. 1572 01:26:14,952 --> 01:26:17,607 So I just put my hands over her eyes and said, 1573 01:26:18,564 --> 01:26:21,219 "Just close your eyes, go to sleep, honey." 1574 01:26:22,655 --> 01:26:26,529 - I mean, nobody knew what to do except we were waiting. 1575 01:26:29,140 --> 01:26:31,621 I said to Camila, I felt terror. 1576 01:26:31,664 --> 01:26:36,191 Like, such fear, because it was so unknown. 1577 01:26:38,497 --> 01:26:42,849 - It got to be about dinnertime and the phone rang. 1578 01:26:42,893 --> 01:26:45,809 And the kids were eating, I don't recall if I was, 1579 01:26:45,852 --> 01:26:49,682 I kind of walked around in a fog for most of that day. 1580 01:26:50,857 --> 01:26:54,209 I got off the phone and let the kids finish dinner. 1581 01:26:55,471 --> 01:26:57,777 "Okay, well, let's go brush our teeth 1582 01:26:57,821 --> 01:26:59,039 "and put on our pajamas," 1583 01:26:59,083 --> 01:27:01,825 and I'm like losing it a little bit. 1584 01:27:01,868 --> 01:27:04,306 I pulled them into the bedroom, and 1585 01:27:04,349 --> 01:27:08,962 "I have something I have to tell you. It's about Nana." 1586 01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,749 - Go to sleep, Nana, go to sleep. 1587 01:27:17,319 --> 01:27:19,669 Ding-a-ling-a-ling! Ding-a-ling-a-ling! 1588 01:27:21,671 --> 01:27:22,454 - Morning! 1589 01:27:25,892 --> 01:27:27,807 - That was the scariest thing I've ever had 1590 01:27:27,851 --> 01:27:31,289 to do was tell them what happened. 1591 01:27:31,333 --> 01:27:33,726 I felt like I was taking her away from them. 1592 01:27:34,640 --> 01:27:38,470 Sparrow started crying and wanted to know why 1593 01:27:38,514 --> 01:27:41,604 and what was going on, and Zinnia just kind 1594 01:27:41,647 --> 01:27:46,217 of said, "So, forever, she's gone?" 1595 01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:49,394 And I said, "Yes, you know, she's dead." 1596 01:27:51,048 --> 01:27:54,094 And she kind of hugged me a little bit 1597 01:27:54,138 --> 01:27:58,142 and went over to Sparrow and then it was [snaps], 1598 01:27:58,185 --> 01:28:00,187 nothing was different again. 1599 01:28:01,363 --> 01:28:06,281 And then Sparrow got mad at her for not crying. 1600 01:28:06,324 --> 01:28:08,500 And that was really hard to watch Sparrow yelling 1601 01:28:08,544 --> 01:28:10,023 at her little sister, "You don't care, 1602 01:28:10,067 --> 01:28:11,808 "you don't seem to care." 1603 01:28:11,851 --> 01:28:15,115 She just wasn't processing it the same way. 1604 01:28:15,159 --> 01:28:17,944 - She might be in front of you right now. 1605 01:28:20,207 --> 01:28:20,991 - Oh yeah? 1606 01:28:22,427 --> 01:28:24,429 That's a really sweet thought. 1607 01:28:24,473 --> 01:28:26,126 - She's a ghost? 1608 01:28:29,347 --> 01:28:30,305 - Hm. 1609 01:28:33,351 --> 01:28:36,311 - Sparrow read the obituary. 1610 01:28:36,354 --> 01:28:40,663 She's smart as get out and understands what words mean. 1611 01:28:40,706 --> 01:28:43,013 I didn't notice she was doing it. 1612 01:28:43,056 --> 01:28:45,581 And there's a lot of candid information in there. 1613 01:28:45,624 --> 01:28:49,411 But she read that obituary and she just got quiet 1614 01:28:49,454 --> 01:28:52,414 and sad and reacted the way anyone would 1615 01:28:52,457 --> 01:28:55,460 to an obituary of someone that they loved deeply. 1616 01:28:55,504 --> 01:28:58,289 She didn't ask any questions about it but 1617 01:28:58,333 --> 01:29:00,422 I can't imagine that she didn't take that piece 1618 01:29:00,465 --> 01:29:04,643 of information and then understand what 1619 01:29:04,687 --> 01:29:07,429 Now, what's cool about that is that it's because 1620 01:29:07,472 --> 01:29:10,823 it doesn't mean anything bad to her at this point. 1621 01:29:10,867 --> 01:29:13,086 She has not been socialized, as a seven-year-old, 1622 01:29:13,130 --> 01:29:15,524 to think that is something that you don't do, 1623 01:29:15,567 --> 01:29:17,439 you don't take your own life. 1624 01:29:18,744 --> 01:29:23,401 - Rachel and my mom and my sister, 1625 01:29:23,445 --> 01:29:26,491 they were talking about what this was 1626 01:29:27,840 --> 01:29:32,715 and they came up with that fantastic way 1627 01:29:32,758 --> 01:29:36,414 It was a radical act of love. 1628 01:29:36,458 --> 01:29:39,112 I was so impressed because it immediately communicated 1629 01:29:39,156 --> 01:29:42,420 to me what this meant to all of us, you know? 1630 01:29:42,464 --> 01:29:46,424 This was an astounding, courageous thing to do, 1631 01:29:46,468 --> 01:29:50,602 to say, "I'm gonna stand up in the face of this disease 1632 01:29:50,646 --> 01:29:52,865 "which is going to rob me of who I am 1633 01:29:52,909 --> 01:29:57,783 "and I'm not gonna let it take me away." 1634 01:29:58,741 --> 01:30:00,395 Linda didn't look afraid. 1635 01:30:01,526 --> 01:30:03,702 - She had that one moment when she said 1636 01:30:03,746 --> 01:30:05,225 this whole thing sucks. 1637 01:30:06,531 --> 01:30:11,536 I didn't feel any remorse, doubt. 1638 01:30:12,842 --> 01:30:16,846 She was resigned and she was gonna do it this way 1639 01:30:16,889 --> 01:30:19,762 and she was gonna take care of us as she was doing it too. 1640 01:30:21,111 --> 01:30:22,373 But I think all of us are kind 1641 01:30:22,417 --> 01:30:24,941 of bound together in that group, 1642 01:30:24,984 --> 01:30:26,943 all of us who were there that day, 1643 01:30:26,986 --> 01:30:29,032 because we experienced something that 1644 01:30:29,075 --> 01:30:31,295 very few people have ever experience. 1645 01:30:31,338 --> 01:30:35,821 - How much longer would it have gone? Who knows? 1646 01:30:36,866 --> 01:30:39,912 If your body is that young and able 1647 01:30:39,956 --> 01:30:44,395 and your brain is thatdeveloped and that intelligent, 1648 01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:46,049 what would that have looked like? 1649 01:30:48,051 --> 01:30:50,488 - I've always thought that death was 1650 01:30:50,532 --> 01:30:52,621 a very big exhalation. 1651 01:30:54,318 --> 01:30:58,540 An actual release. I believe that. 1652 01:30:59,671 --> 01:31:04,546 So then why shouldn't this end of life be 1653 01:31:04,589 --> 01:31:07,723 that when a person wants it? 1654 01:31:09,289 --> 01:31:12,031 - She didn't want to become some different person, 1655 01:31:13,032 --> 01:31:16,383 struggling to find herself, dayto day and minute to minute. 1656 01:31:17,472 --> 01:31:18,777 She chose to die. 1657 01:31:19,691 --> 01:31:22,781 But if she was gonna die, and we're all gonna die, 1658 01:31:24,261 --> 01:31:26,481 she was gonna die as Linda, 1659 01:31:28,134 --> 01:31:31,877 and to help us keep her in our hearts as that person. 1660 01:31:34,489 --> 01:31:37,143 I respect her so much for that. 1661 01:31:53,203 --> 01:31:55,988 [heavy sigh] 1662 01:31:57,555 --> 01:31:59,514 - Anything else you want to add? 1663 01:31:59,557 --> 01:32:00,645 - I love you. 1664 01:32:00,689 --> 01:32:01,472 - I love you. - I love you, 1665 01:32:01,516 --> 01:32:02,908 I love you, I love you. 1666 01:32:02,952 --> 01:32:05,084 - I love you, I love you, I love you. 1667 01:32:10,002 --> 01:32:13,963 Do you remember that I said when we first got together, 1668 01:32:14,006 --> 01:32:15,530 when we fell in love, that... 1669 01:32:18,750 --> 01:32:23,712 no matter how much time we had together... 1670 01:32:23,755 --> 01:32:25,757 - It wouldn't be enough. 1671 01:32:25,801 --> 01:32:28,194 - It wouldn't be enough, that's right. 1672 01:32:29,326 --> 01:32:30,632 [sobbing] 1673 01:32:30,675 --> 01:32:35,811 I did not know it would be so true. 1674 01:32:35,854 --> 01:32:36,638 - Yeah. 1675 01:32:37,639 --> 01:32:39,858 [weeping] 1676 01:32:46,648 --> 01:32:47,562 - But I meant it. 1677 01:32:49,564 --> 01:32:53,480 And it's still true. 1678 01:32:58,355 --> 01:33:00,531 [sniffling] 1679 01:33:20,290 --> 01:33:25,295 [peaceful acoustic music] 1680 01:33:25,774 --> 01:33:30,735 [Linda singing] ♪ If today was not a crooked highway ♪ 1681 01:33:34,696 --> 01:33:39,657 ♪ If tonight was not a crooked trail ♪ 1682 01:33:41,746 --> 01:33:46,751 ♪ If tomorrow wasn't such a long time ♪ 1683 01:33:48,492 --> 01:33:53,497 ♪ Then lonesome would mean nothing to you at all ♪ 1684 01:33:55,934 --> 01:34:00,939 ♪ If only my own true love was waiting ♪ 1685 01:34:02,593 --> 01:34:07,598 ♪ If I could only hear her heart a-softly poundin' ♪ 1686 01:34:09,731 --> 01:34:14,692 ♪ Yes and only if she was lyin' by me ♪ 1687 01:34:16,694 --> 01:34:21,656 ♪ Then I'd lie in my bed 1688 01:34:22,961 --> 01:34:27,966 ♪ once again 1689 01:34:30,621 --> 01:34:35,626 ♪ I can't see my reflection in the water ♪ 1690 01:34:38,890 --> 01:34:43,895 ♪ I can't speak the sounds that show no pain ♪ 1691 01:34:45,854 --> 01:34:50,859 ♪ I can't hear the echo of my footsteps ♪ 1692 01:34:52,817 --> 01:34:57,822 ♪ Or remember the sounds of my own name ♪ 1693 01:35:00,172 --> 01:35:05,177 ♪ Yes and only if my own true love was waiting ♪ 1694 01:35:06,918 --> 01:35:11,923 ♪ And if I could only hear her heart a-softly pounding ♪ 1695 01:35:13,969 --> 01:35:18,974 ♪ Yes and only if she was lying by me ♪ 1696 01:35:20,802 --> 01:35:25,763 ♪ Then I'd lie in my bed 1697 01:35:27,025 --> 01:35:32,030 ♪ once again 1698 01:35:34,859 --> 01:35:39,864 ♪ There's beauty in that silver singing river ♪ 1699 01:35:42,649 --> 01:35:47,654 ♪ There's beauty in that rainbow in the sky ♪ 1700 01:35:49,047 --> 01:35:53,965 ♪ But none of these and nothingelse can touch the beauty ♪ 1701 01:35:55,837 --> 01:36:00,842 ♪ That I remember in my true love's eyes ♪ 1702 01:36:03,105 --> 01:36:08,110 ♪ Yes and only if my own true love is waiting ♪ 1703 01:36:09,720 --> 01:36:14,725 ♪ If I could only hear her heart a-softly pounding ♪ 1704 01:36:16,727 --> 01:36:21,732 ♪ Yes and only if she was lying by me ♪ 1705 01:36:24,213 --> 01:36:29,218 ♪ Then I'd lie in my bed 1706 01:36:30,654 --> 01:36:33,918 ♪ once again