WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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- See, now it's recording,

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see the little thing up there.
♪ Da da da

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♪ Da da da da da dum
- Sing a song for me.

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♪ Ba da da da da da da dum da

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♪ Tsch tsch tsch tsch

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♪ Always look at the
bright side of life ♪

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♪ Ba doo da doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo ♪

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♪ Always look at the
bright side of life ♪

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♪ Ba doo da doo da doo da doo

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♪ When your brain is
poured out unto your ear ♪

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♪ It's about time to

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Anybody, anybody?

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Stop the cheer, no,
that's not good.

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♪ It's about time to
say goodbye dear ♪

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[sniffling]

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I'm ready to take a break.

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- Okay. [sighs]

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- Just do a documentary. wewere trying to figure out what?

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- That's right.
- What do we wanna say?

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- We wanna say what we're doing.

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- Oh good.
- Go ahead, "We"-

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say something.
- All right, so I'm Camila.

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- And I'm Linda.

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- We are leaving today for our
honeymoon across the country.

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We're heading for the
West Coast and we just,

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let's see, we got married
in Northhampton on Saturday,

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two days--
- On the Smith College Campus.

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- Campus, accompanies
by Linda's cousin Susie

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and my son, Jeffrey, and
our granddaughter, Sparrow,

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were observing via Skype.

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- There are the rings.

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- Until we find something that
we like a little bit better.

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- Hard to imagine,
but there you have it.

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- And we're starting
our West Coast trip.

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- We're starting
our West Coast trip.

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- All right, bye.

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- Goodbye.

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- Bye now.

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- Help.
[chuckling]

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[car engine rumbling]

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[gentle acoustic music]

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- Super.
[indicator clicking]

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Camila is our driver today.

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And I'm up here in the
copilot seat, it's hard work.

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We're roughing it, that's right.

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Camila just mentioned

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I should be more
careful with my panning

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but this is gonna be a
nauseating film anyway

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so we're not sure we
care about the panning.

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So there you have it.

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[acoustic guitar music]

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- This is Linda Folley.

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Funny, bright, 50 years young,

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off to see America

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with her newlywed, Camila.

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I wouldn't meet them
until three years later,

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in the summer of 2013.

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[birds twittering]

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We had no plan,
no greater vision.

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Our only objective was
to capture what we could

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of Linda before she
was taken from us.

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- Hi cutie.

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- Hi.

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- Whatcha doing?

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- I though I'd
read a little bit.

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- Oh?

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- Feels a little sacrilegious
with all this scenery here.

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I feel like I should
just be looking out

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the windows the whole
time, or going outside.

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- But it's cold
and windy outside.

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- It's very, very cold outside.

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Especially if you're
wearing shorts.

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[laughing]

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I suppose I could
put on real pants.

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- The video we're
seeing was shot

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when she was 50 years old.

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When Linda was 52 years old,

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she was diagnosed with early
onset Alzheimer's disease.

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Alzheimer's is the most
common form of dementia,

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with over 50 million
cases worldwide.

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In roughly 5% of these cases,

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the patient is younger
than 70 years old.

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- I'll tell you what I
tell medical students.

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If you want to
understand dementia,

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here's what you remember.

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Dementia is the gradual
irreversible loss

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of previously attained
cognitive function.

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Alzheimer's is one type of that,

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but that's the
definition of dementia.

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- My name is Jake
and I'm a filmmaker

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from Linda and Camila's
hometown of Ithaca, New York.

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I was referred by a mutual
friend, Liza Breslaw,

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who had known me from a toddler.

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Liza also knew that I'd
been raised by two lesbians

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and would not be shy
to that family dynamic.

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What I didn't know,
until Linda told me,

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is that she too had
known me as a baby.

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She and my mother,
Ellen, had played on

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the same team in the local
softball league for years.

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The league had been one
of many social safe havens

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for Ithaca's LGBT community
and their families

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in the '80s and '90s.

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When I first sat down
with the two of them,

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I knew almost nothing
about Alzheimer's.

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What I knew was that
Camila was devastated

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at the thought of losing
her new true love,

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and that they both believed,

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that by inviting me into
their home and their lives,

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there was hope yet of preservingLinda and her identity.

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I would soon learn
that in addition

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to her athletic
ingenuity, Linda was also

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an intellectual powerhouse.

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- Every time I sat
down with Linda,

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I learned something
fascinating that she had done

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with her life, from being
a computer programmer

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to flying a plane,
worked on DNA research

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with yeast cells, and I
could find out something more

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about this woman every
time I'd sit down

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to have a conversation with her.

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- Linda had received
her bachelor's from

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where she became the
first female conductor

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of the Brown Band.

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She graduated Magna Cum
Laude before attending

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the University of Colorado,

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where she received a PhD inmolecular and cellular biology.

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She later took an interest
in browser-based code writing

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from which she earned
her impressive living.

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- Linda was exceptionally
good at that.

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- Yes.

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- She scored, I think she,
if I'm remembering right,

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in the 98th percentile
for analytical skills.

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- Yeah.
- And she said,

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"Just so you know, that
means 98% the population is

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"less analytical than I am."

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It's like yeah, I can see that.

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- By the time we met
in August of 2013,

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Linda had stopped
working all together.

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Once a visionary in a
new technical field,

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Linda's prowess for coding had
been stolen by Alzheimer's.

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- That, again, speaks to
Linda's integrity though

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because I remember
talking to her

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and she would say, "You know,
I worked on this all night

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"and it shouldn't have
taken me that long.

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"I can't bill them for eight
hours of work for something

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"that should've only taken
me three hours to do."

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- Camila, who'd worked
almost 20 years in

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the county as a registered
nurse, had recently made

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the decision to retire
to take care of Linda.

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- I'm very grateful
to Camila and very-

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I feel very happy that
she was in Linda's life

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because it could have
been really different.

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Because not everybody else
would have been caring

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and really self-sacrificing
to make it -

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the time that Linda had
- to be Linda's time.

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- I decided I wanted to
conduct separate interviews.

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Each were to prepare a
few questions they'd like

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to ask the other.

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Some of their questions
were fun and light,

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while some were
heavier, in recognition

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of the limited time
we had available.

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I, of course, prepared my own.

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Okay Linda, I think an
easy starter question.

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- Okay.

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- So how did you meet Camila?

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- Oh, how did I meet Camila?

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That's one of those
things that she would have

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to give me a hint because
I know I'm supposed

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to know it totally.

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But I don't.

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- Okay.

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- I'm not remembering it now.

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- Oh gosh, I think I
met Linda at church,

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the Unitarian
Universalist's Society.

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And so we were friends and
acquaintances from Coffee Hour

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and from the community,
before we got together.

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That's where we met.

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- Yeah, I rely a lot on Camila
answering questions for me,

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at this point, I do.

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Give me a minute to think.

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- Hi, Lin.

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- Hey, honey.

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[birds chirping]

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[gentle acoustic music]

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♪ Come sing a song with me

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- Well, it could have been
at the Unitarian Church

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but I'm not sure. [sighs]

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♪ Our love is here to stay

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[Linda sighs]

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- Oh, this is terrible
because I don't remember.

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[sobbing] I don't remember.

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And it's like it's in there
but I don't have any tab to

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pull it out of the file drawer.

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You'll have to ask her,
she'll know all of it.

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[sniffling]

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I'm sorry.

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- No, don't be sorry.

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[gentle piano music]

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- So here we are,
go ahead, honey.

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- It's 6:00 a.m.
and we just crossed

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from Illinois into Iowa,
we're at the Visitor's Center

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which of course
doesn't open 'til 8:30.

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- And what is that behind us?

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- And why are we happy
that we're in Iowa?

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- We're already married, but
it's great to be supported.

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- [laughs] It is.

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- All right.
- Okay.

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- Buh-bye.

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- I was very lucky to have
met Linda Folley shortly after

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I moved here to Ithaca, and...

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she was a very
passionate person,

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a very sexy woman.

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She really deserved to
have a wonderful partner.

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So I guess Camila
came into her life,

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and from my vantage point,

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I was like a doubting
older sister.

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Like okay, prove to me
that you actually are good

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for this person and
that you love them

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and that you'd want them.

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- When I first heard that
my mom was getting together

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with Linda, I
wanted to be upset.

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I didn't want to like her.

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I didn't know who
this person was,

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I didn't know
anything about her.

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- Linda came into
my family instantly.

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It didn't take very long.

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My mom and her got together
and it was the real deal,

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but I didn't ever really
know my mom was a lesbian.

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It wasn't really
explained to me.

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I got the idea pretty
quick, but I also,

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she did point out that
she hadn't met Linda yet,

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she hadn't met the
right person yet.

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- She was so in love with Linda

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and Linda was so in love with
her, it was like instant.

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I thought, "You've done it!"

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This is the right person.

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She's got the right
amount of smarts for you,

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she's got the right amount
of empathy for the world.

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- My mother saw her
for what she was,

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just an amazing human being...

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and they saw each other.

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That was the shock
for me, was that...

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that it seemed so good.

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00:12:58.168 --> 00:12:59.561
[people chattering]

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00:12:59.604 --> 00:13:01.345
- Oh, we have to get
Margaret in this.

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00:13:01.389 --> 00:13:02.825
Hey, Margaret.
- Hi, sweetheart.

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00:13:02.869 --> 00:13:04.827
- Hello, hello -
How about like this?

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[laughing]

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00:13:06.873 --> 00:13:07.787
- My mommies.

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- It never failed to amaze
me how she just embraced us

252
00:13:24.499 --> 00:13:29.504
you know, with such
kindness and respect.

253
00:13:30.113 --> 00:13:32.768
- She just welcomed us
in like we were family,

254
00:13:32.812 --> 00:13:34.161
pretty much right away.

255
00:13:34.204 --> 00:13:36.467
That kind of stuff
takes time but

256
00:13:36.511 --> 00:13:40.254
it was never any
question as far as, okay,

257
00:13:40.297 --> 00:13:41.864
"I don't know about your kids"

258
00:13:41.908 --> 00:13:43.083
kind of thing, you know?

259
00:13:43.126 --> 00:13:46.521
We were right up
there like right away.

260
00:13:46.564 --> 00:13:48.088
She was really good to us.

261
00:13:48.131 --> 00:13:49.698
- I just think they're great.

262
00:13:49.741 --> 00:13:54.746
I love having
fresh, smart brains

263
00:13:55.443 --> 00:14:00.578
who are responsible, and
loving, and energetic,

264
00:14:00.622 --> 00:14:03.843
and it is really cool
to be a grandmother

265
00:14:04.713 --> 00:14:07.498
because I didn't think
I'd have that either.

266
00:14:07.542 --> 00:14:11.763
- When we moved to town,
Melody and I got jobs and

267
00:14:11.807 --> 00:14:14.201
Linda, she rose to the occasion.

268
00:14:14.244 --> 00:14:17.595
She took care of our family.

269
00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:19.771
This was really thrust upon her,

270
00:14:19.815 --> 00:14:22.818
like, "Now you have
grandchildren."

271
00:14:22.862 --> 00:14:27.475
And she embraced it! And she...

272
00:14:27.518 --> 00:14:30.304
She was an incredible grandma.

273
00:14:30.347 --> 00:14:32.436
- I think I see
the number eight.

274
00:14:32.480 --> 00:14:34.177
Do you see the number
eight, Sparrow?

275
00:14:34.221 --> 00:14:34.961
- Yeah.

276
00:14:35.004 --> 00:14:35.787
- Where is it?

277
00:14:35.831 --> 00:14:36.571
- Right there.

278
00:14:36.614 --> 00:14:38.225
- Right there.

279
00:14:39.835 --> 00:14:42.011
Right there, draw that figure 8.

280
00:14:42.055 --> 00:14:44.100
- What's that red thing?

281
00:14:49.671 --> 00:14:51.934
- I was looking forward
to standing next to Zinnia

282
00:14:51.978 --> 00:14:53.544
and having her tower over me.

283
00:14:53.588 --> 00:14:56.156
[laughing]

284
00:14:56.199 --> 00:14:58.636
- She will, and
Sparrow will tower

285
00:14:58.680 --> 00:14:59.986
over Zinnia, probably.
- Yeah.

286
00:15:00.943 --> 00:15:04.077
I wanted to knock on Zinnia's
knee to say, "Hello?"

287
00:15:04.120 --> 00:15:08.211
Hello, it's Nana.

288
00:15:08.255 --> 00:15:09.734
I just wanted to say a few words

289
00:15:09.778 --> 00:15:12.302
to my favorite granddaughters.

290
00:15:13.738 --> 00:15:15.349
I love you guys.

291
00:15:16.263 --> 00:15:19.440
I love how smart you
are, how sweet you are.

292
00:15:20.528 --> 00:15:23.226
You're gonna be wonderful
citizens of the world.

293
00:15:25.707 --> 00:15:29.493
And, um, let's see...

294
00:15:31.626 --> 00:15:35.543
the one thing that I want
to mention to you two,

295
00:15:35.586 --> 00:15:36.805
although you might
already know it,

296
00:15:36.848 --> 00:15:40.591
is that I have a disease
called Alzheimer's.

297
00:15:41.462 --> 00:15:43.594
- We were actually sitting
right at this table here.

298
00:15:43.638 --> 00:15:45.596
Camila said, "Linda wants
to tell you something."

299
00:15:45.640 --> 00:15:47.947
and it was so strange
to have her say that

300
00:15:47.990 --> 00:15:51.733
because Linda never hesitated
to tell me anything.

301
00:15:51.776 --> 00:15:55.345
I was really not prepared
for what they said.

302
00:15:55.389 --> 00:15:58.435
Linda said that she's been
having all these issues

303
00:15:58.479 --> 00:16:03.049
with memory and trying
to find the right words.

304
00:16:03.092 --> 00:16:07.009
- Well, in 2008 when Jeff
and Mel were getting married

305
00:16:07.053 --> 00:16:09.055
and my mom and Linda
visited Portland,

306
00:16:09.098 --> 00:16:12.580
Linda got lost out on the train,

307
00:16:12.623 --> 00:16:13.798
getting back to the hotel.

308
00:16:13.842 --> 00:16:15.409
She went around the block and

309
00:16:15.452 --> 00:16:17.324
she couldn't find
the hotel again.

310
00:16:17.367 --> 00:16:20.327
- And at the time they bothsaid, well it hasn't been named,

311
00:16:20.370 --> 00:16:22.590
so it wasn't named,
it wasn't Alzheimer's,

312
00:16:22.633 --> 00:16:23.808
we weren't talking about that,

313
00:16:23.852 --> 00:16:26.115
we were talking about
cognition issues.

314
00:16:27.160 --> 00:16:30.859
- I was actually told
about her diagnosis before

315
00:16:30.902 --> 00:16:32.643
I detected it socially.

316
00:16:33.557 --> 00:16:35.168
It's really evidence
of a person with

317
00:16:35.211 --> 00:16:38.432
a huge reservoir
of mental capacity.

318
00:16:38.475 --> 00:16:43.567
So because she was so acutely
attuned to her own mind,

319
00:16:43.611 --> 00:16:45.526
she'd sensed that
something was wrong

320
00:16:45.569 --> 00:16:49.530
and had gotten a diagnosis
before I, as a friend,

321
00:16:50.661 --> 00:16:53.534
really was aware that
anything was amiss.

322
00:16:53.577 --> 00:16:56.537
- She was always so
good at keeping up

323
00:16:56.580 --> 00:16:59.105
with conversation and
giving that impression

324
00:16:59.148 --> 00:17:01.237
that everything was
really going well

325
00:17:01.281 --> 00:17:04.414
and then she'd forget.

326
00:17:04.458 --> 00:17:07.026
She'd forget when she came home,

327
00:17:07.069 --> 00:17:10.203
who she had been talking
with or where they'd been.

328
00:17:10.246 --> 00:17:12.335
- I remember one time we
were here, right here,

329
00:17:12.379 --> 00:17:13.989
and we were talking
about something

330
00:17:14.033 --> 00:17:17.036
and then we went
into the living room

331
00:17:17.993 --> 00:17:21.562
and she didn't remember what
had been said right here.

332
00:17:22.693 --> 00:17:26.567
That was really shocking to me.

333
00:17:26.610 --> 00:17:28.047
- She would lose
her train of thought

334
00:17:28.090 --> 00:17:32.225
and she'd start to getfrustrated about not being able

335
00:17:32.268 --> 00:17:35.358
to connect the wires again.

336
00:17:35.402 --> 00:17:36.664
- What were your
grandparents' names?

337
00:17:36.707 --> 00:17:38.796
- Martha and Clarence.
- Clarence, Clarence.

338
00:17:40.494 --> 00:17:43.888
- That's right the daughters
of, the offspring of...

339
00:17:46.326 --> 00:17:48.067
I want my brain back now.

340
00:17:52.462 --> 00:17:54.116
[Linda groaning]

341
00:17:57.598 --> 00:18:01.950
- You can't control
what you forget.

342
00:18:01.993 --> 00:18:03.691
I do get that, I know
sometimes I pretend

343
00:18:03.734 --> 00:18:04.561
that I don't.
- Can you control

344
00:18:04.605 --> 00:18:05.519
what you forget?
[laughing]

345
00:18:05.562 --> 00:18:07.564
- No. [laughing]
- Well then,

346
00:18:07.608 --> 00:18:08.826
so I'm normal.
- Exactly.

347
00:18:08.870 --> 00:18:11.133
- It's just I do it
a higher frequency.

348
00:18:11.177 --> 00:18:12.221
[laughing]

349
00:18:12.265 --> 00:18:14.049
And with a more
annoying approach.

350
00:18:14.093 --> 00:18:15.268
- Yes.

351
00:18:15.311 --> 00:18:17.226
- You know, you're just like me.

352
00:18:18.488 --> 00:18:21.187
Thanks, uh-oh, we're
in trouble then.

353
00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:23.493
We're so screwed, oh my god.

354
00:18:23.537 --> 00:18:24.886
[laughing]

355
00:18:24.929 --> 00:18:26.279
We are so screwed.

356
00:18:27.323 --> 00:18:28.890
- Oh dear.

357
00:18:29.760 --> 00:18:33.547
- My maternal grandmother
had Alzheimer's

358
00:18:33.590 --> 00:18:34.591
and died of it.

359
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.598
I don't think she had any
kind of special Alzheimer's,

360
00:18:41.642 --> 00:18:44.471
just regular,
run-of-the-mill Alzheimer's.

361
00:18:44.514 --> 00:18:48.562
She was, I think, 93
or 94 when she died

362
00:18:48.605 --> 00:18:52.392
so maybe the next day
she would have died

363
00:18:52.435 --> 00:18:56.178
from something
else but, [laughs]

364
00:18:56.222 --> 00:18:59.138
in her case, she suffered
with it for a while

365
00:19:01.749 --> 00:19:04.404
and I saw her suffering.

366
00:19:04.447 --> 00:19:06.536
The problem with me,
which she didn't have,

367
00:19:06.580 --> 00:19:11.193
is that I'm really young.

368
00:19:11.237 --> 00:19:13.500
- Five years ago when Linda
started losing her memory

369
00:19:13.543 --> 00:19:17.721
at around 48, she was way
too young for any studies.

370
00:19:17.765 --> 00:19:19.636
- Well she was 93 when she died.

371
00:19:22.248 --> 00:19:24.206
And I'd tell ya how old
I am if I could remember.

372
00:19:24.250 --> 00:19:25.599
I think I'm...

373
00:19:25.642 --> 00:19:28.471
- For the MCI studies, she
was too young for those.

374
00:19:28.515 --> 00:19:30.560
They often started at-
wanted people who were 55

375
00:19:30.604 --> 00:19:32.432
and she was 48, or 50 even,

376
00:19:32.475 --> 00:19:34.521
she was even too young
for the ones for 50.

377
00:19:34.564 --> 00:19:37.698
But what's happened in
the last few years is that

378
00:19:37.741 --> 00:19:39.700
the researchers now
are doing more research

379
00:19:39.743 --> 00:19:43.051
for people with MCI and are
taking people at younger ages

380
00:19:43.094 --> 00:19:45.140
because, hello,
they see the benefit

381
00:19:45.184 --> 00:19:48.535
of preventive strategies
for folks who are young,

382
00:19:48.578 --> 00:19:50.406
having early memory loss.

383
00:19:50.450 --> 00:19:51.538
- I think I'm 53.

384
00:19:53.627 --> 00:19:54.671
[sighs]

385
00:19:56.020 --> 00:19:59.676
So that'll be a long time tobe physically super healthy and

386
00:20:01.461 --> 00:20:05.682
have a brain made out
of marshmallow cream.

387
00:20:05.726 --> 00:20:08.468
And part of it, I won't
even know what's happening,

388
00:20:08.511 --> 00:20:12.385
but Camila will be
possibly bearing the brunt.

389
00:20:14.082 --> 00:20:16.389
And that does not
make me happy at all.

390
00:20:17.477 --> 00:20:19.218
She already is, actually.

391
00:20:21.437 --> 00:20:22.482
Hi honey, it's Linda.

392
00:20:23.744 --> 00:20:25.659
We have... um...

393
00:20:25.702 --> 00:20:29.271
I didn't find any extra radio-

394
00:20:29.315 --> 00:20:30.054
[smoke detector beeps]

395
00:20:30.098 --> 00:20:31.839
ugh- there it is...

396
00:20:31.882 --> 00:20:35.973
batteries for the...
whatever the thing

397
00:20:36.017 --> 00:20:37.975
is that beeps all
the time, you know,

398
00:20:38.019 --> 00:20:41.762
the little square
batteries to go into...

399
00:20:43.242 --> 00:20:44.939
Uh...f-f-f-f-f-

400
00:20:44.982 --> 00:20:46.854
for whatever they
are, like, uh...

401
00:20:47.681 --> 00:20:48.464
Oh shit.

402
00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:52.163
[sighs]

403
00:20:52.207 --> 00:20:54.557
I don't know, the ones
that we use for the,

404
00:20:55.819 --> 00:20:58.474
I don't know, anyway, they're
little transistor ones,

405
00:20:58.518 --> 00:20:59.301
I think, the-

406
00:20:59.345 --> 00:21:00.084
[smoke detector beeps]

407
00:21:00.128 --> 00:21:00.911
and, um...

408
00:21:01.999 --> 00:21:04.306
[laughing] if you could
pick up a bag of those,

409
00:21:04.350 --> 00:21:05.264
that would be great.

410
00:21:07.962 --> 00:21:12.923
I'm sorry, I can't
remember more than

411
00:21:12.967 --> 00:21:15.578
that 'cause there was
something else I had to say.

412
00:21:19.190 --> 00:21:20.279
I'm so sorry, honey.

413
00:21:21.454 --> 00:21:26.633
Anyway, batteries... oh shit.

414
00:21:26.676 --> 00:21:28.417
I'm sorry honey,
you can call me on

415
00:21:28.461 --> 00:21:29.462
the house phone if you-

416
00:21:29.505 --> 00:21:30.767
[smoke detector beeps]

417
00:21:30.811 --> 00:21:34.989
want to, except it's, as
I said, draining, okay?

418
00:21:35.032 --> 00:21:35.816
Bye, honey.

419
00:21:37.644 --> 00:21:39.559
[receiver clicks]

420
00:21:39.602 --> 00:21:42.953
You haven't lived with a
boggled mind inside you.

421
00:21:44.259 --> 00:21:46.130
But you've heard some of it,

422
00:21:46.174 --> 00:21:51.179
some real stupid shit come
out of my mouth, so...

423
00:21:51.222 --> 00:21:52.441
[laughing]

424
00:21:52.485 --> 00:21:54.617
- I've lived with a
boggled mind outside me.

425
00:21:54.661 --> 00:21:56.750
[laughing]

426
00:21:58.752 --> 00:22:00.928
- And the problem is,
when I'm not boggled,

427
00:22:02.146 --> 00:22:05.149
I get really pissed off
sometimes because people

428
00:22:05.193 --> 00:22:08.109
who are genuinely
trying to help me

429
00:22:08.152 --> 00:22:12.722
and make me feel good
and do things for me

430
00:22:12.766 --> 00:22:16.552
but don't understand what
I'm asking them to do or...

431
00:22:16.596 --> 00:22:17.553
Too helpful?
- That's like

432
00:22:17.597 --> 00:22:19.207
a different hell.

433
00:22:19.250 --> 00:22:24.081
[laughing and coughing] Yeah.

434
00:22:26.040 --> 00:22:27.998
'Cause I've always
wanted to be independent.

435
00:22:28.825 --> 00:22:30.653
"I want to do it myself."

436
00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:34.135
[laughing]

437
00:22:34.178 --> 00:22:38.966
Please, please, please,
I want to do it myself.

438
00:22:41.142 --> 00:22:42.099
- Excellent.

439
00:22:42.143 --> 00:22:43.405
- Gently, gently.

440
00:22:43.449 --> 00:22:44.667
[chuckle]

441
00:22:44.711 --> 00:22:48.845
And yes we're getting
rid of the evidence.

442
00:22:48.889 --> 00:22:49.716
[laughing]

443
00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:50.804
- The aroma.

444
00:22:50.847 --> 00:22:51.979
- The evidence, aroma-

445
00:22:52.022 --> 00:22:54.416
Gracie? Are you the
star of the show?

446
00:22:54.460 --> 00:22:55.852
- She is, she made
it all possible.

447
00:22:55.896 --> 00:22:57.811
[laughing]

448
00:22:57.854 --> 00:23:00.727
- She got in the van
and it was like wa-hoo!

449
00:23:00.770 --> 00:23:02.511
- How does she keep
her ass so clean?

450
00:23:02.555 --> 00:23:03.991
[door slams]

451
00:23:04.034 --> 00:23:06.297
- I'm calling Lin to make
sure she's got her phone.

452
00:23:06.341 --> 00:23:08.082
- Oh, good idea.

453
00:23:08.125 --> 00:23:09.518
- I hear it, it's
here somewhere.

454
00:23:09.562 --> 00:23:10.389
Okay, we're good.

455
00:23:12.913 --> 00:23:14.610
- Bye.

456
00:23:14.654 --> 00:23:15.437
- Bye!

457
00:23:16.482 --> 00:23:19.310
[engine rumbling]

458
00:23:21.443 --> 00:23:23.402
- Apparently they think
I can't drive anymore

459
00:23:23.445 --> 00:23:24.533
if I can't remember stuff.

460
00:23:25.578 --> 00:23:29.364
It's really stupid. [laughs]

461
00:23:29.408 --> 00:23:30.539
How can they think that?

462
00:23:30.583 --> 00:23:32.454
But the thing is I
could be a great driver

463
00:23:32.498 --> 00:23:34.456
but if I screw up one time,

464
00:23:34.500 --> 00:23:35.849
they'll say, "It
was her Alzheimer's,

465
00:23:35.892 --> 00:23:38.982
"She's at fault,"
and then I'd be toast

466
00:23:39.026 --> 00:23:41.332
so we're already
past that point.

467
00:23:41.376 --> 00:23:43.465
- She did once get
lost driving here.

468
00:23:43.509 --> 00:23:44.988
[gentle piano music]

469
00:23:45.032 --> 00:23:48.470
And that was, I think,
that was a terrible blow

470
00:23:48.514 --> 00:23:52.039
to her when she could
no longer drive the car

471
00:23:52.082 --> 00:23:53.301
because that really made her

472
00:23:53.344 --> 00:23:56.347
so dependent and
Linda was anything

473
00:23:56.391 --> 00:23:59.481
but dependent on people,
completely independent.

474
00:23:59.525 --> 00:24:00.961
[gentle piano music]

475
00:24:01.004 --> 00:24:03.485
- She really needed and wanted
to do things on her own.

476
00:24:03.529 --> 00:24:06.575
It was really hard to
to honor that sometimes

477
00:24:06.619 --> 00:24:09.622
because you just want to help
somebody, but they don't-

478
00:24:09.665 --> 00:24:12.451
she did not want to be
cared for in that way.

479
00:24:12.494 --> 00:24:14.061
She didn't want to
be, as she would say,

480
00:24:14.104 --> 00:24:16.672
a burden or something
that somebody had

481
00:24:16.716 --> 00:24:18.935
to look after like that.

482
00:24:18.979 --> 00:24:21.851
- What happens is
with the diagnosis,

483
00:24:21.895 --> 00:24:25.551
in American culture,
everything about you

484
00:24:25.594 --> 00:24:29.424
gets put under that
cognitive microscope.

485
00:24:29.468 --> 00:24:31.513
- It's just sort
of dripping away,

486
00:24:32.471 --> 00:24:35.561
and it doesn't discriminate
between what time

487
00:24:35.604 --> 00:24:37.563
is dinner or when
does the plane leave

488
00:24:37.606 --> 00:24:41.480
or where did I put
my toothbrush, you

489
00:24:42.742 --> 00:24:46.920
- Every hesitation, every
bit of forgetfulness,

490
00:24:46.963 --> 00:24:51.620
every question- "Did I turnthe light off in the bathroom?"

491
00:24:51.664 --> 00:24:55.755
Which for most people is
not an important question.

492
00:24:55.798 --> 00:24:58.322
Maybe you did, maybe
you didn't, who cares?

493
00:24:58.366 --> 00:25:01.674
But when a person is
carrying the diagnosis,

494
00:25:01.717 --> 00:25:05.329
the meaning of all these
things changes in their life.

495
00:25:07.244 --> 00:25:10.509
- How are you preparing
for this next chapter?

496
00:25:12.336 --> 00:25:13.599
This next chapter?

497
00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:18.212
Meaning the imminent
demise of Linda S. Folley?

498
00:25:19.561 --> 00:25:23.260
- That could be it,
I don't... like it's-

499
00:25:23.304 --> 00:25:25.306
- The joyous resurrection of

500
00:25:25.349 --> 00:25:27.090
Linda S. Folley. [laughing]
- Yeah.

501
00:25:27.134 --> 00:25:30.485
I mean it's... like, it's
just a glass half-empty,

502
00:25:30.529 --> 00:25:32.400
half-full thing,
isn't it? I mean-

503
00:25:32.443 --> 00:25:33.488
- It is.

504
00:25:33.532 --> 00:25:36.230
'Cause what I'm
asking is, I guess,

505
00:25:36.273 --> 00:25:40.495
really, "How are you
preparing for life after now?"

506
00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:41.322
- Yeah...

507
00:25:42.541 --> 00:25:45.500
Well, we just made
changes to our house.

508
00:25:46.632 --> 00:25:48.851
The house has always
had the east wing.

509
00:25:48.895 --> 00:25:52.463
We've done renovations
to it so that when the

510
00:25:52.507 --> 00:25:57.120
granddaughters visit, they
have a good place to be.

511
00:25:57.164 --> 00:26:00.646
And when we get even
older, we can use

512
00:26:00.689 --> 00:26:03.605
the very back room, not have
to do steps or anything,

513
00:26:03.649 --> 00:26:05.520
it'll all be on the first floor.

514
00:26:05.564 --> 00:26:06.956
We're doing those
types of things

515
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:11.439
that people do when walking
or seeing is impaired

516
00:26:11.482 --> 00:26:13.223
and then you want to
go from room to room

517
00:26:13.267 --> 00:26:16.836
without bruising
yourself or falling over.

518
00:26:18.402 --> 00:26:20.535
So it's all just sort
of like the continuum.

519
00:26:21.797 --> 00:26:23.625
She's preparing our continuum.

520
00:26:26.672 --> 00:26:30.893
And now there are... how many
babies in the cousin family?

521
00:26:30.937 --> 00:26:34.593
There's Lulu, and...

522
00:26:34.636 --> 00:26:35.637
uh-oh...

523
00:26:36.595 --> 00:26:38.858
- Well, Martha's kids.
- That's what I'm thinking.

524
00:26:38.901 --> 00:26:39.946
Lulu... and-

525
00:26:39.989 --> 00:26:40.773
- That's Susie's kids.

526
00:26:41.687 --> 00:26:43.950
Oh right, Lulu is the
only one on Martha's side?

527
00:26:43.993 --> 00:26:45.647
- No, Martha has
a little boy, Sam.

528
00:26:45.691 --> 00:26:46.430
- Oh, Sam.

529
00:26:46.474 --> 00:26:47.649
- Sam.
- Lulu and Sam.

530
00:26:47.693 --> 00:26:49.608
Sorry, I just can't remember it.

531
00:26:49.651 --> 00:26:50.913
- It's okay.

532
00:26:50.957 --> 00:26:53.046
- This is like turning
into true crimes here.

533
00:26:53.089 --> 00:26:55.048
- Susie has Lila and May.

534
00:26:55.091 --> 00:26:56.179
- Thank you, honey.

535
00:26:56.223 --> 00:26:57.354
- You're welcome.

536
00:26:57.398 --> 00:26:59.139
- So that's a nice
segue into the fact

537
00:26:59.182 --> 00:27:01.707
that I wouldn't be
here without Camila.

538
00:27:01.750 --> 00:27:02.795
- Oh, honey.

539
00:27:02.838 --> 00:27:04.535
- I would send
way too much money

540
00:27:04.579 --> 00:27:08.061
or too less money to my taxes.

541
00:27:08.104 --> 00:27:10.454
I would not know day or night,

542
00:27:11.673 --> 00:27:14.328
my bank account would
be totally screwed up.

543
00:27:15.590 --> 00:27:16.722
- Oh, sweetie.

544
00:27:16.765 --> 00:27:18.462
- After I'd paid one
bill seven times,

545
00:27:20.508 --> 00:27:21.857
and I would be
eating Cheerios for

546
00:27:21.901 --> 00:27:25.774
the rest of my life
without you. [sniffling]

547
00:27:27.646 --> 00:27:29.778
So thank you for all that you do

548
00:27:29.822 --> 00:27:34.827
that's work, and that's love.
- You're welcome.

549
00:27:35.610 --> 00:27:37.612
[sobbing]

550
00:27:39.788 --> 00:27:42.225
- Because my brain
is like a Cheerio,

551
00:27:42.269 --> 00:27:44.445
it just goes 'round and 'round,

552
00:27:45.664 --> 00:27:47.013
and there's nothing in it.

553
00:27:51.495 --> 00:27:53.672
- And I remember
saying to both of them.

554
00:27:53.715 --> 00:27:56.675
I said, "Well, whatever
happens, I'm here to the end."

555
00:28:00.591 --> 00:28:03.594
I just didn't know that
the end... you know.

556
00:28:06.162 --> 00:28:08.077
they're both a lot
younger than I am,

557
00:28:08.121 --> 00:28:10.036
10 years and seven
years younger.

558
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:12.342
I didn't think the end
was gonna be the end.

559
00:28:14.997 --> 00:28:20.002
♪ There'll be a change
in the weather ♪

560
00:28:22.701 --> 00:28:27.706
♪ Teardrops will fall

561
00:28:29.533 --> 00:28:34.669
♪ The snow will be melting

562
00:28:34.713 --> 00:28:38.455
♪ And that's the worst of all

563
00:28:39.369 --> 00:28:43.417
[gentle acoustic music]

564
00:28:43.460 --> 00:28:47.856
- In the winter of 2013,
I moved out of New York

565
00:28:47.900 --> 00:28:49.640
and settled in Los Angeles.

566
00:28:53.166 --> 00:28:55.516
With most of my family
still based in Ithaca,

567
00:28:56.691 --> 00:28:58.649
I planned frequent
visits so that

568
00:28:58.693 --> 00:29:01.652
I might also check in
with Linda and Camila.

569
00:29:06.657 --> 00:29:08.790
- No, that's not what

570
00:29:08.834 --> 00:29:10.313
they're wanting.
- No, oh.

571
00:29:10.357 --> 00:29:14.796
- It's something a little
bit more, you know, sexual.

572
00:29:14.840 --> 00:29:16.537
- Oh, okay.

573
00:29:16.580 --> 00:29:17.625
[chickens clucking]

574
00:29:17.668 --> 00:29:19.366
[Linda laughing]

575
00:29:19.409 --> 00:29:21.455
- That's chicken for, "Do me."

576
00:29:21.498 --> 00:29:23.196
- Okay, interesting.

577
00:29:23.239 --> 00:29:26.068
- But nobody here has
any lead in the pencil

578
00:29:26.112 --> 00:29:28.636
so they're not gonna get it.
- Right. [laughs]

579
00:29:28.679 --> 00:29:30.943
- Poor chicks, yeah.

580
00:29:30.986 --> 00:29:33.859
The following summer,
it had become clear

581
00:29:33.902 --> 00:29:35.686
that Linda's condition
had worsened.

582
00:29:38.080 --> 00:29:40.604
Because of this, the
decision was made

583
00:29:41.692 --> 00:29:43.825
to find a new home
for their hens

584
00:29:43.869 --> 00:29:46.610
as Linda could no longercontribute to their basic care.

585
00:29:48.874 --> 00:29:52.529
Both her long and short-term
memory continued to suffer.

586
00:29:55.576 --> 00:29:59.101
She had gotten lost on
more than one occasion on

587
00:29:59.145 --> 00:30:01.495
the once familiar streets
of our small town,

588
00:30:03.192 --> 00:30:05.151
and was no longer
allowed to leave

589
00:30:05.194 --> 00:30:06.717
the house without her cellphone.

590
00:30:08.632 --> 00:30:12.288
Despite this, I was
surprised to learn

591
00:30:12.332 --> 00:30:14.595
that the memories that
remained untouched were

592
00:30:14.638 --> 00:30:16.815
of her time on the
softball field.

593
00:30:16.858 --> 00:30:18.468
- If you watch a game with her,

594
00:30:18.512 --> 00:30:21.123
she'd tell you all the things
that that person is doing

595
00:30:21.167 --> 00:30:23.560
and she liked the
strategy of it,

596
00:30:23.604 --> 00:30:25.606
she liked figuring
out what people did,

597
00:30:25.649 --> 00:30:27.956
she liked knowing this
player was like this

598
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:30.132
and that play it
was like that...

599
00:30:30.176 --> 00:30:33.570
I learned a lot about that
from her, and I also learned

600
00:30:33.614 --> 00:30:35.964
why she liked to
be part of a team.

601
00:30:37.270 --> 00:30:40.882
- So we rallied
her old teammates

602
00:30:40.926 --> 00:30:42.579
and we put a game together.

603
00:30:42.623 --> 00:30:44.364
[women chattering]

604
00:30:44.407 --> 00:30:45.452
- Don't be short with me!

605
00:30:45.495 --> 00:30:48.672
[upbeat acoustic music]

606
00:30:53.329 --> 00:30:55.462
- So how was that for you?

607
00:30:55.505 --> 00:30:57.551
- It was fun, it was
great to see everybody.

608
00:30:57.594 --> 00:31:00.467
Some people still had
talent, some people didn't.

609
00:31:00.510 --> 00:31:01.947
I wasn't looking at you, hon.

610
00:31:01.990 --> 00:31:04.427
- I never had talent
in softball, so.

611
00:31:04.471 --> 00:31:05.951
[laughs]

612
00:31:05.994 --> 00:31:07.561
- Doesn't Ellen like to hit
right down this baseline?

613
00:31:09.868 --> 00:31:13.436
[cheering and shouting]

614
00:31:13.480 --> 00:31:15.656
- A lot of folks have talked
about how smart Linda was

615
00:31:15.699 --> 00:31:17.571
and that she was brilliant.

616
00:31:18.528 --> 00:31:19.878
I mean, she was
brilliant academically

617
00:31:19.921 --> 00:31:22.968
but she was also just,
she knew all that stuff

618
00:31:23.011 --> 00:31:26.493
and she could make a
decision in a split second.

619
00:31:26.536 --> 00:31:28.190
- Where are you hitting, Linda?

620
00:31:28.234 --> 00:31:29.322
- Linda?
- What? Where am I hitting?

621
00:31:29.365 --> 00:31:31.237
- She could still
hit the ball just

622
00:31:31.280 --> 00:31:32.934
as well as she ever did.

623
00:31:32.978 --> 00:31:35.284
It was really just noticeable,

624
00:31:35.328 --> 00:31:37.721
she wouldn't necessarily
know where to run.

625
00:31:37.765 --> 00:31:39.506
- Let the muscles do it.

626
00:31:39.549 --> 00:31:40.594
[cheering]

627
00:31:40.637 --> 00:31:41.508
- Yeah!

628
00:31:41.551 --> 00:31:44.728
[shouting and cheering]

629
00:31:48.950 --> 00:31:50.821
- Get back on base!
- Stay on first!

630
00:31:50.865 --> 00:31:53.650
- I was the base coach whoalways said, "Stay on the base,

631
00:31:53.694 --> 00:31:55.565
"Stay on the base!"
for the people who just

632
00:31:55.609 --> 00:31:57.480
were new at it, or, you know...

633
00:31:57.524 --> 00:31:59.569
And there I was,
running right across it,

634
00:31:59.613 --> 00:32:01.571
and then noticing, like,

635
00:32:01.615 --> 00:32:03.399
"Wait! I'm not
supposed to do that."

636
00:32:03.443 --> 00:32:04.748
- I know, you'd get to the base

637
00:32:04.792 --> 00:32:06.446
- It was impossible.
- and then you would turn

638
00:32:06.489 --> 00:32:07.882
around and walk off the field.

639
00:32:07.926 --> 00:32:09.579
- But you know why?
- [laughing] Get back on base!

640
00:32:10.580 --> 00:32:11.930
- You're gonna go to second.

641
00:32:14.019 --> 00:32:16.456
- Throughout the course of the
few innings that we played,

642
00:32:16.499 --> 00:32:18.545
because we don't want to overdo,

643
00:32:18.588 --> 00:32:20.286
she'd started at shortstop.

644
00:32:21.374 --> 00:32:23.158
And then she just was
wandering into the grass

645
00:32:23.202 --> 00:32:25.378
and then she was
out in left field,

646
00:32:25.421 --> 00:32:28.511
just running after the
ball wherever it went.

647
00:32:28.555 --> 00:32:30.383
[cheering]

648
00:32:32.298 --> 00:32:33.473
[shouting]

649
00:32:33.516 --> 00:32:34.648
- Stay there!

650
00:32:35.431 --> 00:32:37.259
- Get her! Get her!

651
00:32:37.303 --> 00:32:38.434
- Jesus Christ.

652
00:32:38.478 --> 00:32:39.653
- Right here.

653
00:32:39.696 --> 00:32:40.784
- I'm a fucking clown.

654
00:32:40.828 --> 00:32:42.351
- Back to third,
Linda, back to third.

655
00:32:42.395 --> 00:32:43.613
- Yes'm.

656
00:32:43.657 --> 00:32:45.659
Why do I have to
go back to third?

657
00:32:46.529 --> 00:32:47.661
- You know, they
could've just put up

658
00:32:47.704 --> 00:32:50.185
a billboard and said
you're losing it.

659
00:32:50.229 --> 00:32:52.622
- Oh, yeah.
- That's the problem with it.

660
00:32:52.666 --> 00:32:54.624
- I think people were
having so much fun,

661
00:32:54.668 --> 00:32:57.018
it was just part of the fun.

662
00:32:57.062 --> 00:32:59.586
- One thing that people
living with dementia often say

663
00:32:59.629 --> 00:33:04.634
is that their diagnosis
disconnects them from society,

664
00:33:05.070 --> 00:33:07.159
that they become outcasts.

665
00:33:07.202 --> 00:33:10.727
To be alone and unconnected,

666
00:33:10.771 --> 00:33:15.384
those are really profound
primordial human fears.

667
00:33:16.733 --> 00:33:18.953
- People seemed to be
there because of you.

668
00:33:20.041 --> 00:33:23.436
This time it was to not take
the game quite so seriously.

669
00:33:23.479 --> 00:33:24.524
- That was my role?

670
00:33:24.567 --> 00:33:26.395
[laughing]
Quit crying over there,

671
00:33:26.439 --> 00:33:28.267
get out of the dugout.
Wipe off your tears.

672
00:33:28.310 --> 00:33:29.746
[laughing]

673
00:33:34.664 --> 00:33:35.926
- Yeah.

674
00:33:35.970 --> 00:33:37.189
[laughing]

675
00:33:37.232 --> 00:33:39.104
- So you know what we're
doing tomorrow, right?

676
00:33:39.147 --> 00:33:39.974
- Yeah.
- Do you remember?

677
00:33:40.018 --> 00:33:41.019
We're doing the train trip.

678
00:33:41.062 --> 00:33:42.411
- Right.

679
00:33:42.455 --> 00:33:43.847
- It's gonna be great.
- Tomorrow we're starting

680
00:33:43.891 --> 00:33:45.240
a train trip, we leave
tomorrow night for Seattle,

681
00:33:45.284 --> 00:33:49.288
Seattle to Portland, and
we'll fly to San Francisco

682
00:33:49.331 --> 00:33:51.290
and we'll take the train
from San Francisco home.

683
00:33:51.333 --> 00:33:52.726
It's about three
and a half weeks.

684
00:33:52.769 --> 00:33:55.424
With a week in San Francisco
and a week in Seattle.

685
00:33:55.468 --> 00:33:57.426
- Yeah, it's gonna be great.
- It's gonna be fantastic.

686
00:33:57.470 --> 00:33:58.993
Yeah.
- It's gonna be great.

687
00:34:00.168 --> 00:34:02.431
- We all knew I couldn't
join them for all

688
00:34:02.475 --> 00:34:06.392
of their various adventures
and I had no desire

689
00:34:06.435 --> 00:34:09.786
to impose on what sacred
time they had remaining.

690
00:34:09.830 --> 00:34:12.441
- ...my cellphone, let's
see if I can do it.

691
00:34:12.485 --> 00:34:14.226
Hello, here I am...
- Because of this,

692
00:34:14.269 --> 00:34:16.532
although at first resistant,

693
00:34:16.576 --> 00:34:18.360
Camila bravely agreed to pick up

694
00:34:18.404 --> 00:34:20.101
the reins where I could not

695
00:34:20.145 --> 00:34:22.103
and do some shooting of her own.

696
00:34:22.147 --> 00:34:23.887
- Anything for the camera?

697
00:34:23.931 --> 00:34:24.671
- What?

698
00:34:24.714 --> 00:34:25.454
- Any comments?

699
00:34:29.284 --> 00:34:31.025
- [laughing] Excellent.

700
00:34:33.462 --> 00:34:35.421
- I feel the same way.

701
00:34:35.464 --> 00:34:37.597
[gentle acoustic music]

702
00:34:37.640 --> 00:34:39.512
- We're riding in our train,

703
00:34:40.600 --> 00:34:42.471
getting ready for our departure.

704
00:34:45.083 --> 00:34:50.088
- Arrival to Chicago,
departure from our...

705
00:34:50.479 --> 00:34:53.439
You know, that's the
weird thing about it,

706
00:35:08.671 --> 00:35:11.544
in this case, Chicago.

707
00:35:11.587 --> 00:35:13.633
- Ladies and gentlemen,
just a little information,

708
00:35:13.676 --> 00:35:15.591
for those who are leaving us...

709
00:35:15.635 --> 00:35:20.422
- In Chicago! We just
had pizza at a...

710
00:35:21.989 --> 00:35:26.950
A bar, that sells Bud
Light and Blue Moon,

711
00:35:26.994 --> 00:35:30.171
and are watching the
football game... Football?

712
00:35:30.215 --> 00:35:32.434
Football game?
- World Series.

713
00:35:32.478 --> 00:35:36.177
- Duh. The World
Series, start over.

714
00:35:36.221 --> 00:35:39.441
- She made quite an
effort to be present,

715
00:35:39.485 --> 00:35:44.316
to be reliable, to
be loving, even those

716
00:35:44.359 --> 00:35:47.580
times when she was
struggling to figure out

717
00:35:47.623 --> 00:35:48.885
what the conversation was about.

718
00:35:52.062 --> 00:35:55.240
And then there were
those times when she was

719
00:35:55.283 --> 00:35:56.763
everything she had ever been,

720
00:35:56.806 --> 00:36:00.419
and her light was
shining so bright.

721
00:36:00.462 --> 00:36:04.249
- They're sometimes referred
to as lucid intervals,

722
00:36:04.292 --> 00:36:07.426
where a person living
with Alzheimer's will

723
00:36:07.469 --> 00:36:11.343
have some confluence
of environment

724
00:36:11.386 --> 00:36:15.216
and personal energy and
experience that kind of

725
00:36:15.260 --> 00:36:18.915
swings open a cognitive
door that had been closed.

726
00:36:18.959 --> 00:36:21.222
And that door swings
open and you can have

727
00:36:21.266 --> 00:36:25.705
a remarkably lucid
conversation with someone who,

728
00:36:25.748 --> 00:36:28.534
three hours later, may
not remember your name.

729
00:36:28.577 --> 00:36:31.014
- She could still have
great moments and days

730
00:36:31.058 --> 00:36:35.367
and can't remember what
happened five minutes ago,

731
00:36:35.410 --> 00:36:37.673
but you could
totally go into all

732
00:36:37.717 --> 00:36:40.023
the lyrics of your
favorite song.

733
00:36:40.067 --> 00:36:42.939
- We have a rousing
crowd here consisting

734
00:36:42.983 --> 00:36:44.680
of Camila, our photographer.

735
00:36:46.639 --> 00:36:51.644
♪ Each night before you go
to bed, my baby, ooh, ooh ♪

736
00:36:53.733 --> 00:36:58.738
♪ Sing a little prayer
for me, my baby, ha, ha ♪

737
00:37:01.044 --> 00:37:06.049
♪ And then tell all
the stars above, yeah ♪

738
00:37:07.790 --> 00:37:12.055
♪ This is dedicated
to the one I love ♪

739
00:37:12.099 --> 00:37:17.104
♪ Life can never be exactly
what we want it to be ♪

740
00:37:18.453 --> 00:37:23.458
♪ I should be satisfied
knowing you love me ♪

741
00:37:25.417 --> 00:37:28.681
♪ There's just one
thing I want you to do ♪

742
00:37:28.724 --> 00:37:32.424
♪ Especially for me

743
00:37:32.467 --> 00:37:37.472
♪ And it's something
that everybody needs ♪

744
00:37:38.343 --> 00:37:40.083
[music swells]

745
00:37:40.127 --> 00:37:45.132
♪ Each night before you go
to bed, my baby, ha, ha ♪

746
00:37:48.614 --> 00:37:53.619
♪ Whisper a little
prayer for me, my baby ♪

747
00:37:54.054 --> 00:37:56.404
♪ Ooh, ooh

748
00:37:56.448 --> 00:38:01.453
♪ And then tell all
the stars above you ♪

749
00:38:05.370 --> 00:38:09.635
♪ This is dedicated
to the one I love ♪

750
00:38:09.678 --> 00:38:14.074
♪ This is dedicated
to the one I love ♪

751
00:38:17.251 --> 00:38:20.080
- Happy anniversary, my dear

752
00:38:20.123 --> 00:38:21.429
- Oh, thank you, honey.

753
00:38:21.473 --> 00:38:25.215
[kissy noises]

754
00:38:35.748 --> 00:38:38.185
Should I have a party?

755
00:38:38.228 --> 00:38:39.926
- You know, it's an idea.

756
00:38:41.449 --> 00:38:43.756
A dinner or something,
yeah, if you want to.

757
00:38:43.799 --> 00:38:45.410
- Have everyone wear black.

758
00:38:45.453 --> 00:38:47.412
[chuckling]

759
00:38:47.455 --> 00:38:50.110
[Linda laughing]
- Purple, red.

760
00:38:51.590 --> 00:38:52.591
- Purple-red?

761
00:38:52.634 --> 00:38:53.983
- Purple or red.

762
00:38:54.027 --> 00:38:56.943
I don't know, what do you
think about that idea?

763
00:38:56.986 --> 00:38:58.423
- I forget what the idea was...

764
00:38:58.466 --> 00:38:59.467
Having a party.

765
00:38:59.511 --> 00:39:01.121
Having a party?

766
00:39:01.164 --> 00:39:03.297
- Party or something,
a gathering, a dinner.

767
00:39:03.341 --> 00:39:07.519
- Uh-huh, yeah we could
do that, you know,

768
00:39:07.562 --> 00:39:10.957
they have that game about...

769
00:39:14.395 --> 00:39:17.137
You know, the dinner party
and somebody gets shot.

770
00:39:17.180 --> 00:39:19.444
[laughing]

771
00:39:24.492 --> 00:39:25.972
- You're silly.

772
00:39:26.015 --> 00:39:28.496
[gentle music]

773
00:39:30.585 --> 00:39:33.458
[crowd chattering]

774
00:39:46.906 --> 00:39:50.823
[cheering and clapping]

775
00:40:07.883 --> 00:40:11.234
[cheering and clapping]

776
00:40:11.278 --> 00:40:12.018
- Yeah!

777
00:40:19.591 --> 00:40:21.506
[laughing]

778
00:40:30.558 --> 00:40:33.431
[cheering and clapping]

779
00:40:38.044 --> 00:40:41.395
[cheering and applauding]

780
00:40:51.579 --> 00:40:53.755
[whistling]

781
00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:00.632
[gentle orchestral music]

782
00:42:26.805 --> 00:42:30.243
[gentle acoustic music]

783
00:42:34.116 --> 00:42:39.121
[Linda singing]
♪ April, come she will

784
00:42:40.688 --> 00:42:45.824
♪ When streams are ripe
and swelled with rain ♪

785
00:42:45.867 --> 00:42:50.872
♪ May, she will stay

786
00:42:52.526 --> 00:42:57.531
♪ Resting in my arms again

787
00:43:01.927 --> 00:43:06.932
♪ June she'll change her tune

788
00:43:08.803 --> 00:43:13.721
♪ In restless walks
she'll prowl the night ♪

789
00:43:13.765 --> 00:43:18.770
♪ July, she will fly

790
00:43:19.597 --> 00:43:24.471
♪ And give no warning
to her flight ♪

791
00:43:30.520 --> 00:43:35.525
♪ August, die she must

792
00:43:37.136 --> 00:43:42.010
♪ The autumn winds
blow chilly and cold ♪

793
00:43:42.054 --> 00:43:47.059
♪ September, I remember

794
00:43:48.190 --> 00:43:52.978
♪ A love once new
has now grown old ♪

795
00:43:56.024 --> 00:43:58.636
[water lapping]

796
00:44:00.246 --> 00:44:03.858
- So a few weeks ago, I noticedthat the pond is very high.

797
00:44:03.902 --> 00:44:05.860
At least two feet
higher than it is now,

798
00:44:05.904 --> 00:44:08.036
maybe three feet
higher than it is now.

799
00:44:08.080 --> 00:44:09.951
So I didn't know what happened.

800
00:44:09.995 --> 00:44:11.823
Did the beavers- well,
there are beavers here,

801
00:44:11.866 --> 00:44:13.433
we noticed that because
some trees are down

802
00:44:13.476 --> 00:44:14.869
and bushes--
- Right, yeah,

803
00:44:14.913 --> 00:44:16.479
right over there you can see--
- Clear, you can see

804
00:44:16.523 --> 00:44:17.785
the clear area.

805
00:44:17.829 --> 00:44:19.569
- That's a beaver sign.
- So we didn't know why.

806
00:44:19.613 --> 00:44:21.528
if it was the beavers
had raised the level

807
00:44:21.571 --> 00:44:22.660
or if that's-

808
00:44:27.577 --> 00:44:28.317
- Yeah.

809
00:44:28.361 --> 00:44:29.797
- That's the roof.

810
00:44:29.841 --> 00:44:32.321
- Yes, but then on Sunday,
we did some investigation

811
00:44:32.365 --> 00:44:36.630
because the pond fell in a
day, and so it's clear...

812
00:44:36.674 --> 00:44:38.632
- It was hard some mornings.

813
00:44:38.676 --> 00:44:43.637
You know, I'd make a pot of
coffee and serve her a cup

814
00:44:43.681 --> 00:44:47.641
and then she'd go
to the cupboard

815
00:44:47.685 --> 00:44:52.690
and look for a cup and look
for the coffee to pour.

816
00:44:53.603 --> 00:44:56.563
I'd say, "Oh, I got you a
cup, it's right over here."

817
00:44:56.606 --> 00:44:59.261
And then she'd be so grateful.

818
00:45:00.741 --> 00:45:02.177
And then we'd do it again.

819
00:45:04.745 --> 00:45:07.313
And she'd be grateful again.

820
00:45:09.184 --> 00:45:11.491
And then we'd do it again.

821
00:45:14.973 --> 00:45:17.323
I never tired of
being there for her.

822
00:45:17.366 --> 00:45:22.371
I was honored to be present
in those challenging moments

823
00:45:22.415 --> 00:45:25.897
because I knew that
she was grateful,

824
00:45:25.940 --> 00:45:30.466
even when she started to, her
face would show some distress,

825
00:45:30.510 --> 00:45:32.947
some discomfort that she
was having a hard time.

826
00:45:33.905 --> 00:45:36.734
I'd say, you know, "It's
all right, we're here.

827
00:45:36.777 --> 00:45:38.126
"No worries, no worries."

828
00:45:42.348 --> 00:45:44.002
And I saw the joy come back.

829
00:45:45.264 --> 00:45:46.091
- Hi, Sparrow.

830
00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:48.789
Wanna say hi to my camera?

831
00:45:48.833 --> 00:45:50.051
- Sparrow, say hi to her camera.

832
00:45:50.095 --> 00:45:51.357
- Look at you,
cutie curly locks.

833
00:45:51.400 --> 00:45:52.967
- Hi.
- How old are you now?

834
00:45:53.011 --> 00:45:54.403
- Three.

835
00:45:54.447 --> 00:45:56.536
- Would you like to sing
"Clementine" for the camera?

836
00:45:56.579 --> 00:45:59.408
♪ In a cavern, in a canyon

837
00:45:59.452 --> 00:46:03.064
♪ Excavatin' for a mine

838
00:46:03.108 --> 00:46:06.502
♪ There lived a
miner, forty-niner ♪

839
00:46:06.546 --> 00:46:10.550
♪ And his daughter, Clementine

840
00:46:10.593 --> 00:46:11.594
- What's next?

841
00:46:14.119 --> 00:46:18.471
- Sparrow was very much
aware of Nana's troubles.

842
00:46:19.733 --> 00:46:21.343
She just wanted to help her.

843
00:46:22.475 --> 00:46:25.870
There was a time when
it was kind of like oh,

844
00:46:25.913 --> 00:46:28.524
"Nana forgets things,
isn't that silly?"

845
00:46:28.568 --> 00:46:30.483
And then there was a time when

846
00:46:30.526 --> 00:46:32.702
it seemed like they might
try to take advantage of it.

847
00:46:32.746 --> 00:46:35.575
"Oh, Nana forgot that we
can't watch TV right now."

848
00:46:35.618 --> 00:46:37.446
or something like
that, you know?

849
00:46:38.491 --> 00:46:42.147
But they became
aware, both of them,

850
00:46:42.190 --> 00:46:43.626
pretty clearly that they needed

851
00:46:43.670 --> 00:46:45.933
to take care of their grandma.

852
00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:52.244
♪ I ate my kiddy's tooties

853
00:46:52.548 --> 00:46:55.073
[child laughing]

854
00:46:55.116 --> 00:47:00.034
♪ To watch her moan

855
00:47:00.078 --> 00:47:05.083
♪ And I love my little Zinny

856
00:47:05.474 --> 00:47:10.479
♪ When she's in
purple, she's at home ♪

857
00:47:14.353 --> 00:47:18.574
♪ Amen [choking] ♪

858
00:47:20.576 --> 00:47:22.448
- Kids don't tell you stories

859
00:47:22.491 --> 00:47:26.278
because they don't realize
the significance of them.

860
00:47:26.321 --> 00:47:28.671
You'll catch a little
comment and then you have

861
00:47:28.715 --> 00:47:31.544
to kind of implore them for it.

862
00:47:31.587 --> 00:47:33.938
This past winter,
the kids would spend

863
00:47:33.981 --> 00:47:38.594
a lot of overnights at
Nana and Bela's house.

864
00:47:38.638 --> 00:47:43.425
So Zinnia had said something
along the lines of,

865
00:47:43.469 --> 00:47:46.646
"Oh, like when Nana
is crying in the room

866
00:47:46.689 --> 00:47:48.691
"and I show her
to the bathroom."

867
00:47:49.605 --> 00:47:54.567
I said, "Okay, do you
want to tell me a story?"

868
00:47:55.960 --> 00:47:59.137
She then relayed to me
that she would wake up in

869
00:47:59.180 --> 00:48:02.444
the middle of the night
sometimes and Nana would

870
00:48:02.488 --> 00:48:06.318
be standing in the room,
which was right adjacent

871
00:48:06.361 --> 00:48:08.059
to the restroom.

872
00:48:08.102 --> 00:48:11.932
And Nana would walk
from the back into

873
00:48:11.976 --> 00:48:17.111
that middle room and
just stand there.

874
00:48:17.155 --> 00:48:21.855
On one or more occasions, Zinniawas awakened by her crying,

875
00:48:21.899 --> 00:48:25.946
and I said, "Zinnia,
what did you do?"

876
00:48:25.990 --> 00:48:28.993
She said, "Well, I took her hand

877
00:48:29.036 --> 00:48:32.866
"and said, 'It's okay, Nana,

878
00:48:32.910 --> 00:48:34.607
"'do you need to
go to the potty?'"

879
00:48:36.217 --> 00:48:39.264
And she would lead her in there,

880
00:48:39.307 --> 00:48:43.050
then waited on the
other side of the door

881
00:48:43.094 --> 00:48:46.445
to make sure that
she got back to bed.

882
00:48:46.488 --> 00:48:49.709
[child crying]

883
00:48:49.752 --> 00:48:53.017
- Take a finger, take a finger.

884
00:48:53.060 --> 00:48:54.061
There you go.

885
00:48:57.151 --> 00:48:59.414
- There's your Nana's hand.

886
00:48:59.458 --> 00:49:01.590
- That's right!
Now we're linked.

887
00:49:02.504 --> 00:49:03.592
[laughing]

888
00:49:03.636 --> 00:49:05.943
Everything's gonna be okay.

889
00:49:05.986 --> 00:49:08.467
You got a good grip
on there, baby girl.

890
00:49:08.510 --> 00:49:09.468
- Nana?

891
00:49:09.511 --> 00:49:11.035
- What can I do for you, babe?

892
00:49:13.515 --> 00:49:16.127
- I know you like my hairdo.

893
00:49:16.170 --> 00:49:17.519
- I love it.

894
00:49:17.563 --> 00:49:20.958
- I just got in the water
and dunked my head down.

895
00:49:21.001 --> 00:49:23.743
- Those curls are the
real McCoy, yes they are.

896
00:49:27.660 --> 00:49:30.315
- She loved those kids.

897
00:49:30.358 --> 00:49:32.273
You know, and they
love her still.

898
00:49:33.709 --> 00:49:36.843
Are the kids aware now of
what happened? I don't know.

899
00:49:38.453 --> 00:49:40.107
I don't know.

900
00:49:40.151 --> 00:49:41.979
[laughing]
- Thank you for that.

901
00:49:43.806 --> 00:49:44.807
Aw, you shouldn't have.

902
00:49:44.851 --> 00:49:46.374
- Take a picture!

903
00:49:46.418 --> 00:49:48.202
- I'm taking a
picture right now.

904
00:49:49.943 --> 00:49:51.771
That's gorgeous.

905
00:49:51.814 --> 00:49:54.513
If I press this, will I
get a still on top of it?

906
00:49:54.556 --> 00:49:55.514
- I don't think so.

907
00:49:55.557 --> 00:49:56.732
I don't think so either.

908
00:49:56.776 --> 00:49:58.038
- I think the movie
camera's running.

909
00:49:58.082 --> 00:49:59.953
- I think the movie's
gonna say it all anyway.

910
00:49:59.997 --> 00:50:01.259
- If it's flashing,

911
00:50:01.302 --> 00:50:02.477
is it flashing?
- Can I be in the picture too?

912
00:50:02.521 --> 00:50:04.088
- Sure.
- No, it's not flashing.

913
00:50:04.131 --> 00:50:07.004
- If it's not flashing, you
must have turned it off then.

914
00:50:08.657 --> 00:50:11.704
- I'm honored that sheprotected my children from that.

915
00:50:11.747 --> 00:50:14.489
Because looking at
the ages they are now,

916
00:50:14.533 --> 00:50:17.449
they're seven and five,
what would that mean?

917
00:50:18.580 --> 00:50:19.886
- I hope that they
will learn and come

918
00:50:19.929 --> 00:50:24.891
to terms with it and
that they'll continue

919
00:50:24.934 --> 00:50:27.850
to love their grandma as
much as they ever did.

920
00:50:29.287 --> 00:50:32.029
She loved them and she wanted
what was best for them.

921
00:50:32.942 --> 00:50:33.943
[child crying]

922
00:50:33.987 --> 00:50:34.901
- Oh, honey.

923
00:50:34.944 --> 00:50:36.207
- Oh, what happened?

924
00:50:36.250 --> 00:50:37.556
- Come here, sweetie.
- She bit me.

925
00:50:37.599 --> 00:50:38.861
- What?
- She bit you?

926
00:50:38.905 --> 00:50:40.037
- Uh-oh.

927
00:50:40.080 --> 00:50:41.342
- Where did she bite you?
- Do you see

928
00:50:41.386 --> 00:50:42.996
it's flashing down here, Nana?
- On your chest?

929
00:50:43.040 --> 00:50:45.216
Did she bite you on the chest?
- Oh dear.

930
00:50:45.259 --> 00:50:46.434
Zinnia, that is not nice.

931
00:50:46.478 --> 00:50:47.740
- That is really harsh.

932
00:50:47.783 --> 00:50:49.959
- You have to apologize
you to your sister.

933
00:50:50.003 --> 00:50:51.439
Why would you do
such a thing anyway?

934
00:50:51.483 --> 00:50:52.614
That's not nice.

935
00:50:53.485 --> 00:50:55.400
- Cry all you want,
that's painful.

936
00:50:56.314 --> 00:50:57.532
- Sorry, Sparrow.
- Zinny,

937
00:50:57.576 --> 00:50:59.012
that was not very nice.

938
00:50:59.056 --> 00:51:00.840
- Sorry, Sparrow.

939
00:51:00.883 --> 00:51:02.407
- Why did you do it?

940
00:51:02.450 --> 00:51:03.843
- Yeah, why did you do that?

941
00:51:03.886 --> 00:51:05.192
- Because I didn't want her to

942
00:51:05.236 --> 00:51:07.412
be in the picture with me.

943
00:51:07.455 --> 00:51:09.109
- Oh.
- You could always tell me,

944
00:51:09.153 --> 00:51:11.546
there's no reason to bite me.

945
00:51:11.590 --> 00:51:13.940
- Exactly, next time
say, "I don't want her

946
00:51:13.983 --> 00:51:14.854
"to be in the picture with me.

947
00:51:14.897 --> 00:51:17.422
"Can we take one with just me?"

948
00:51:17.465 --> 00:51:20.468
You don't bite people
for anything, honey.

949
00:51:26.605 --> 00:51:27.954
[laughs]

950
00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:34.134
[laughing]

951
00:51:34.178 --> 00:51:36.441
[child singing]

952
00:51:36.484 --> 00:51:39.487
- Do you forgive me? I love you.

953
00:51:39.531 --> 00:51:42.577
- How about you ask her
for her forgiveness?

954
00:51:44.797 --> 00:51:46.407
[kiss]

955
00:51:46.451 --> 00:51:48.453
- Nice going, Sparrow.

956
00:51:51.978 --> 00:51:54.198
- Nice big sister, Sparrow.

957
00:51:56.591 --> 00:52:00.595
Hello, it's Nana.

958
00:52:00.639 --> 00:52:02.162
I just wanted to say a few words

959
00:52:02.206 --> 00:52:04.469
to my favorite granddaughters.

960
00:52:07.689 --> 00:52:09.387
I love you guys.

961
00:52:10.866 --> 00:52:14.305
I love how smart you
are, how sweet you are.

962
00:52:15.132 --> 00:52:18.483
I think you'll make
a great asset to

963
00:52:18.526 --> 00:52:21.573
the human race, both of you.

964
00:52:24.010 --> 00:52:27.187
And just remember
that I love you very,

965
00:52:27.231 --> 00:52:29.494
very, very, very
much, very, very much.

966
00:52:30.495 --> 00:52:35.239
And do the best you
can with what you have

967
00:52:36.501 --> 00:52:40.505
and see if you can make
the world a better place.

968
00:52:43.334 --> 00:52:47.773
Because I have
Alzheimer's, well,

969
00:52:47.816 --> 00:52:50.210
my body is very strong.

970
00:52:50.254 --> 00:52:53.039
My arms, my legs, I can
run, all that stuff.

971
00:52:53.082 --> 00:52:58.087
I can talk, but I can't
remember things in my brain.

972
00:52:58.479 --> 00:53:00.612
And so it's just like
I'm floating in air

973
00:53:00.655 --> 00:53:04.572
and can't hang on
to anything at all.

974
00:53:05.660 --> 00:53:08.489
And it's like going
into a dark room

975
00:53:08.533 --> 00:53:10.578
and turning off all the lights.

976
00:53:12.145 --> 00:53:17.019
So at some point
soon I have chosen to

977
00:53:19.761 --> 00:53:20.545
kill myself

978
00:53:22.242 --> 00:53:24.331
because I don't
want to live where

979
00:53:24.375 --> 00:53:26.681
someone has to take
real special care

980
00:53:26.725 --> 00:53:31.730
for me, like almost a care

981
00:53:31.773 --> 00:53:36.256
regimen that's like
taking care of a baby.

982
00:53:36.300 --> 00:53:39.564
But the baby doesn't knowanything about what's going on.

983
00:53:41.479 --> 00:53:43.698
I don't want to even
try to go down that path

984
00:53:43.742 --> 00:53:47.311
because we have enough
information to know that

985
00:53:47.354 --> 00:53:49.617
it will not end well for me.

986
00:53:50.662 --> 00:53:53.926
There are no things
that can make it better,

987
00:53:53.969 --> 00:53:56.015
at this point in
time, in the world.

988
00:53:57.582 --> 00:54:01.673
So at some point I'm gonna haveto just stop living my life

989
00:54:01.716 --> 00:54:05.067
because I can't control
any part of my life.

990
00:54:09.942 --> 00:54:14.947
Be loving and caring to
people and supporting them,

991
00:54:15.730 --> 00:54:18.864
'cause not everybody is as
lucky as we are, even now.

992
00:54:20.953 --> 00:54:25.653
So be hopeful and
do great things.

993
00:54:32.312 --> 00:54:33.400
I know you will.

994
00:54:33.444 --> 00:54:34.662
You already are doing them.

995
00:54:35.489 --> 00:54:37.274
So keep up the great work.

996
00:54:41.452 --> 00:54:42.670
I love you guys.

997
00:54:44.803 --> 00:54:47.893
[gentle piano music]

998
00:54:54.247 --> 00:54:57.859
[wind rushing through trees]

999
00:55:00.645 --> 00:55:05.040
- Well, you know,
white pines are great.

1000
00:55:06.390 --> 00:55:07.304
They're beautiful.

1001
00:55:09.306 --> 00:55:11.308
They did have grape
vines all over them.

1002
00:55:13.222 --> 00:55:14.833
And they looked
very sad about it.

1003
00:55:14.876 --> 00:55:16.051
[birds twittering]

1004
00:55:17.052 --> 00:55:18.576
And I wanted them to live.

1005
00:55:21.579 --> 00:55:24.364
Got myself up there
somehow and whacked

1006
00:55:24.408 --> 00:55:27.585
off the grape vines,
so that the white pine

1007
00:55:27.628 --> 00:55:29.674
wouldn't just wither and die as

1008
00:55:29.717 --> 00:55:32.546
it got all that light
taken away from it

1009
00:55:32.590 --> 00:55:35.636
and all of its
water bypassing it.

1010
00:55:38.422 --> 00:55:39.466
It was a work of love.

1011
00:55:40.598 --> 00:55:41.816
I was really thrilled
that I could do it

1012
00:55:41.860 --> 00:55:44.123
so I was sort of riding
high after I did it.

1013
00:55:45.211 --> 00:55:48.040
That's the result you
get when you succeed,

1014
00:55:48.083 --> 00:55:49.650
saving a good old tree.

1015
00:55:52.392 --> 00:55:54.742
- My dominant
emotion was surprise.

1016
00:55:56.396 --> 00:56:01.358
And because I've done
so much work with

1017
00:56:01.401 --> 00:56:04.535
so many individuals
living with Alzheimer's,

1018
00:56:05.666 --> 00:56:08.582
my next question was...

1019
00:56:08.626 --> 00:56:11.368
Was there some element
of her condition

1020
00:56:11.411 --> 00:56:15.589
that was causing
undue suffering?

1021
00:56:15.633 --> 00:56:18.592
Was she actually, in
addition to dementia,

1022
00:56:18.636 --> 00:56:21.334
also suffering a
major depression?

1023
00:56:21.378 --> 00:56:23.641
Which is very well
known to happen.

1024
00:56:23.684 --> 00:56:27.471
And the correct answer is
it's really not my business.

1025
00:56:29.124 --> 00:56:33.564
I'm a friend and whatever
decision she arrived at,

1026
00:56:33.607 --> 00:56:37.524
it was made freely, that's the
thing that's important to me.

1027
00:56:37.568 --> 00:56:42.442
If she had chosen to embrace
the conversation with me,

1028
00:56:42.486 --> 00:56:46.707
I would have asked,
"What do you fear most?"

1029
00:56:46.751 --> 00:56:49.449
[birds chirping]

1030
00:56:50.494 --> 00:56:52.060
- What are you most afraid of?

1031
00:56:54.672 --> 00:56:55.455
- I guess...

1032
00:56:59.067 --> 00:57:01.679
Anything that would
interfere with

1033
00:57:01.722 --> 00:57:03.898
me dying when I'm dying.

1034
00:57:07.032 --> 00:57:12.167
If you're dying
with Alzheimer's, I

1035
00:57:12.211 --> 00:57:15.649
to be saved for another
20 years in Alzheimer's.

1036
00:57:17.259 --> 00:57:19.131
Because I'm very young for it.

1037
00:57:19.174 --> 00:57:22.264
My physical body's
gonna last a long time

1038
00:57:22.308 --> 00:57:24.441
and my brain is
gonna be a rutabaga.

1039
00:57:28.532 --> 00:57:31.491
- Well, my name is Jens Wennberg

1040
00:57:31.535 --> 00:57:35.321
and I'm friends with
Camila and Linda.

1041
00:57:35.364 --> 00:57:37.497
And I must say that yes, this is

1042
00:57:37.541 --> 00:57:41.545
the place where lots
of things happened.

1043
00:57:44.069 --> 00:57:45.200
- I'm gonna go see

1044
00:57:45.244 --> 00:57:46.550
what Sparrow's doing,

1045
00:57:46.593 --> 00:57:48.377
what Miss Sparrow's doing.

1046
00:57:49.248 --> 00:57:51.642
- [whispers] Let's go
see what Sparrow's doing.

1047
00:58:00.825 --> 00:58:02.870
Ooh, beautiful, Sparrow.

1048
00:58:02.914 --> 00:58:04.393
- You weren't supposed to look!

1049
00:58:04.437 --> 00:58:07.222
- I didn't look, I was
just looking at you.

1050
00:58:07.266 --> 00:58:09.529
Tell you what, I'll just
focus on you, look like this.

1051
00:58:09.573 --> 00:58:10.574
- You promise you

1052
00:58:10.617 --> 00:58:11.400
won't look at it?
- I didn't look,

1053
00:58:11.444 --> 00:58:12.358
I didn't look.

1054
00:58:12.401 --> 00:58:13.141
- You promise?

1055
00:58:13.185 --> 00:58:13.925
- Yes.

1056
00:58:13.968 --> 00:58:15.579
- Good, no looking.

1057
00:58:15.622 --> 00:58:17.494
I'm not done coloring it.

1058
00:58:18.582 --> 00:58:20.801
- This is where
Linda sat when she

1059
00:58:20.845 --> 00:58:22.890
took and drank the medicine.

1060
00:58:24.501 --> 00:58:26.894
I don't know where I met Linda.

1061
00:58:26.938 --> 00:58:29.810
We sort of became
close friends in

1062
00:58:29.854 --> 00:58:32.465
a weird and wondrous way.

1063
00:58:32.509 --> 00:58:35.555
We have sort of the same
quirky sense of humor

1064
00:58:35.599 --> 00:58:38.515
and so we connected that way.

1065
00:58:39.559 --> 00:58:44.129
I was asked by Linda to
get together with her.

1066
00:58:44.172 --> 00:58:47.436
Camila said she couldn't
participate in this.

1067
00:58:47.480 --> 00:58:51.615
She understood that Linda
wanted to end her own life

1068
00:58:51.658 --> 00:58:54.835
and Camila said, "I
can't participate.

1069
00:58:54.879 --> 00:58:56.576
"I love her too much I
don't want her to do it

1070
00:58:56.620 --> 00:59:00.101
"and there's no way I'm
gonna get involved."

1071
00:59:00.145 --> 00:59:03.104
And so it sort of fell
on me to talk with her

1072
00:59:03.148 --> 00:59:04.845
and try to figure this out.

1073
00:59:06.543 --> 00:59:11.635
- Today's January 14th, 2016,

1074
00:59:13.288 --> 00:59:15.377
and Linda and I have
been talking for

1075
00:59:15.421 --> 00:59:18.424
a long time about some
really important stuff

1076
00:59:18.467 --> 00:59:20.382
like life and death and...

1077
00:59:22.123 --> 00:59:26.345
- My thoughts are that I
don't want to just get worse,

1078
00:59:26.388 --> 00:59:27.607
worse, worse, worse, worse,

1079
00:59:27.651 --> 00:59:29.870
be a lump and waste the rest

1080
00:59:29.914 --> 00:59:32.699
of Camila's life
taking care of me.

1081
00:59:34.135 --> 00:59:36.616
- I wanna talk you
out of it, though.

1082
00:59:36.660 --> 00:59:40.620
I just can't get used to the
idea of you not being around.

1083
00:59:40.664 --> 00:59:43.580
[gentle piano music]

1084
00:59:43.623 --> 00:59:46.626
[crying] It feels
like it's too soon.

1085
00:59:46.670 --> 00:59:48.628
- I know, I agree.

1086
00:59:48.672 --> 00:59:50.848
[Camila sobbing]

1087
00:59:50.891 --> 00:59:54.155
- She knew all along that I
wanted to take care of her

1088
00:59:54.199 --> 00:59:56.549
and felt capable of doing that

1089
00:59:56.593 --> 00:59:59.639
and that we had enough
support of all kinds,

1090
00:59:59.683 --> 01:00:01.772
and the house was right,
and we'd made the changes

1091
01:00:01.815 --> 01:00:05.558
in our house, specifically
so we could live downstairs.

1092
01:00:05.602 --> 01:00:08.474
But then, of course,
after Sandy Bem in 2015

1093
01:00:08.517 --> 01:00:10.650
it became a more frequent topic.

1094
01:00:11.956 --> 01:00:13.958
- In the wake of a
suicide, typically,

1095
01:00:14.001 --> 01:00:16.264
families are devastated.

1096
01:00:16.308 --> 01:00:19.528
Today in Your Health, we
look at an unusual suicide,

1097
01:00:19.572 --> 01:00:21.574
one that, according
to family members,

1098
01:00:21.618 --> 01:00:24.621
actually made grieving easier.

1099
01:00:24.664 --> 01:00:26.971
NPR's Alix Spiegel reports.

1100
01:00:27.014 --> 01:00:29.495
- Five years ago,
after doctors told her

1101
01:00:29.538 --> 01:00:31.497
that she had an
irreversible brain disease

1102
01:00:31.540 --> 01:00:33.020
that would eventually
steal her ability

1103
01:00:33.064 --> 01:00:36.502
to read, write and recognize
the people she most loved,

1104
01:00:36.545 --> 01:00:39.244
Sandy Bem decided
to kill herself.

1105
01:00:39.287 --> 01:00:42.508
Sandy was an unsentimental
woman and strong-willed,

1106
01:00:42.551 --> 01:00:45.337
and for her, a life
without books and

1107
01:00:45.380 --> 01:00:48.296
the ability to recognize
people that she loved wasn't

1108
01:00:48.340 --> 01:00:49.820
a life that she wanted.

1109
01:00:49.863 --> 01:00:51.560
She and her husband, Daryl Bem,

1110
01:00:51.604 --> 01:00:54.172
had volunteered at a
suicide hotline for years

1111
01:00:54.215 --> 01:00:56.609
and Sandy was a
suicide therapist.

1112
01:00:56.653 --> 01:00:59.743
- My name is Daryl Bem
and I'm now retired

1113
01:00:59.786 --> 01:01:03.790
but I was a professor
of psychology at

1114
01:01:03.834 --> 01:01:06.706
until I retired in 2006.

1115
01:01:06.750 --> 01:01:10.623
My father had Alzheimer's
disease and that was at

1116
01:01:10.667 --> 01:01:13.844
a time when even physiciansdidn't know that much about it.

1117
01:01:14.888 --> 01:01:16.934
By the time I met
Linda and Camila,

1118
01:01:16.977 --> 01:01:19.545
I had already prepared
this document.

1119
01:01:19.588 --> 01:01:22.548
And I had prepared
that document because

1120
01:01:22.591 --> 01:01:24.942
of an article that had
appeared about Sandy

1121
01:01:24.985 --> 01:01:29.207
and her disease and the decisionleading up to her death,

1122
01:01:29.250 --> 01:01:31.905
so I was getting phone
calls and email messages

1123
01:01:31.949 --> 01:01:36.954
of people asking me questions,
usually apologetically.

1124
01:01:36.997 --> 01:01:39.696
And I decided that, if there
was that much interest,

1125
01:01:39.739 --> 01:01:42.611
then I should prepare,
sort of, a brief document,

1126
01:01:42.655 --> 01:01:45.179
that would go into
more detail than

1127
01:01:45.223 --> 01:01:48.095
the New York Times
Magazine article did.

1128
01:01:49.227 --> 01:01:50.707
- Here's the artist.

1129
01:01:50.750 --> 01:01:53.492
- Hi, I'm Sparrow Lea Farraday
- Tell us your name.

1130
01:01:53.535 --> 01:01:57.975
- and I'm seven-years-old,
this is my masterpiece.

1131
01:01:59.280 --> 01:02:01.456
It's my grandmothers' backyard.

1132
01:02:02.806 --> 01:02:06.679
The swing, and the sun,

1133
01:02:06.723 --> 01:02:09.029
and a pine tree that I like,

1134
01:02:09.073 --> 01:02:11.510
and those are the
deer footprints.

1135
01:02:11.553 --> 01:02:14.556
- Wow, it has lots of theelements of our backyard, Nana.

1136
01:02:14.600 --> 01:02:16.254
- That's really cool.

1137
01:02:16.297 --> 01:02:19.953
Nice observations
and nice depictions.

1138
01:02:19.997 --> 01:02:20.780
- Exactly.
- Do you know what

1139
01:02:20.824 --> 01:02:22.086
a depiction is?

1140
01:02:22.129 --> 01:02:23.522
A picture of something
that you see.

1141
01:02:23.565 --> 01:02:25.742
- Thank you.
- It might not

1142
01:02:25.785 --> 01:02:27.395
be exactly like the
way the thing is

1143
01:02:27.439 --> 01:02:29.571
but it's a depiction of it.

1144
01:02:29.615 --> 01:02:33.097
- Many people
didn't expect this.

1145
01:02:33.140 --> 01:02:35.273
I had people say, "I didn't
know it was that bad."

1146
01:02:37.014 --> 01:02:41.235
And in my mind and
in my heart I'm going

1147
01:02:41.279 --> 01:02:45.849
it's not that it was so bad,
it's that it was still good.

1148
01:02:47.154 --> 01:02:50.462
It's that we still had time,

1149
01:02:50.505 --> 01:02:52.725
but you never have enough time.

1150
01:02:52.769 --> 01:02:55.119
But this whole time
you're chasing...

1151
01:02:55.162 --> 01:02:57.599
When are we gonna
run out of time?

1152
01:02:57.643 --> 01:02:58.905
When is it gonna be too late?

1153
01:02:59.993 --> 01:03:02.126
- The reason that it
went from so bright

1154
01:03:02.169 --> 01:03:04.345
to just out is because
the place between there

1155
01:03:05.259 --> 01:03:07.914
was not what Linda wanted at all

1156
01:03:07.958 --> 01:03:10.438
for herself or for anyone.

1157
01:03:10.482 --> 01:03:13.659
She did want that
place to be defined.

1158
01:03:15.879 --> 01:03:17.402
- She didn't want to waste

1159
01:03:17.445 --> 01:03:20.797
the world's resources
on keeping her alive.

1160
01:03:20.840 --> 01:03:25.497
She didn't want to be
changed like a baby,

1161
01:03:25.540 --> 01:03:27.978
you know, like, have a
diaper and be spoon-fed

1162
01:03:28.021 --> 01:03:31.242
and not even know she was
eating or what she's eating.

1163
01:03:31.285 --> 01:03:35.072
- Some people are just
barely alive, you know?

1164
01:03:35.115 --> 01:03:37.509
Whether it's in their
soul or their health

1165
01:03:37.552 --> 01:03:40.381
or whatever it is, some
people are just barely alive.

1166
01:03:41.252 --> 01:03:42.949
Linda was not one
of those people.

1167
01:03:42.993 --> 01:03:46.083
She was very much
alive, and wanted

1168
01:03:46.126 --> 01:03:50.130
to remain very much alive untilshe was not alive anymore.

1169
01:03:51.044 --> 01:03:52.480
That's what that is for me,

1170
01:03:52.524 --> 01:03:55.353
that's how I talk
to myself about it.

1171
01:03:55.396 --> 01:03:57.311
- Someone who wants to
take their own lives who

1172
01:03:57.355 --> 01:04:01.925
is suffering from dementia
must act too soon,

1173
01:04:01.968 --> 01:04:03.448
you must take your
life too soon,

1174
01:04:03.491 --> 01:04:06.538
that is while you still
have a quality of life left

1175
01:04:06.581 --> 01:04:08.888
that you would not
choose to terminate,

1176
01:04:08.932 --> 01:04:12.283
except that you have to
do it while you still can.

1177
01:04:13.632 --> 01:04:16.026
- Because I was aware that
she wanted to end her life,

1178
01:04:16.069 --> 01:04:19.899
it became clear to both
of us that she needed

1179
01:04:19.943 --> 01:04:22.597
to experience what
she couldn't do.

1180
01:04:23.555 --> 01:04:26.166
I mean, she could go get the
mail and she could attempt

1181
01:04:26.210 --> 01:04:29.430
to fix things around the
house but together we decided

1182
01:04:29.474 --> 01:04:32.607
that we ought to try
having her suffer in

1183
01:04:32.651 --> 01:04:35.567
a way through what
her disability was.

1184
01:04:35.610 --> 01:04:38.787
So I stopped doing
stuff for her.

1185
01:04:39.701 --> 01:04:42.530
- Hi, Camila, it's Linda. Idon't know why it always happens

1186
01:04:42.574 --> 01:04:45.664
that when you leave the
house, I cannot make

1187
01:04:45.707 --> 01:04:47.971
the sound system work.

1188
01:04:49.015 --> 01:04:52.627
I have it set for
TV and I have it-

1189
01:04:54.629 --> 01:04:57.371
the speakers A and B, and...

1190
01:05:00.331 --> 01:05:01.375
power, and...

1191
01:05:02.986 --> 01:05:05.640
I don't know why
every time you leave,

1192
01:05:05.684 --> 01:05:08.252
I don't know what the fuck
to do to make the TV work!

1193
01:05:10.254 --> 01:05:12.256
Maybe you could give me a call.

1194
01:05:12.299 --> 01:05:13.953
There's no sound
coming out of it

1195
01:05:13.997 --> 01:05:17.087
and I don't remember
how to do it. [crying]

1196
01:05:17.957 --> 01:05:20.742
- I hated watching her suffer.

1197
01:05:21.569 --> 01:05:23.615
[Camila sobbing]

1198
01:05:24.659 --> 01:05:26.574
I hated watching
her get frustrated.

1199
01:05:28.011 --> 01:05:32.798
But it felt necessary and
fair and honest, you know?

1200
01:05:32.841 --> 01:05:33.973
It really was.

1201
01:05:35.670 --> 01:05:40.240
And she made me promise.
She'd say, "Don't you dare."

1202
01:05:40.284 --> 01:05:44.636
"Don't you dare protect me too
much or sabotage my plans."

1203
01:05:46.246 --> 01:05:50.511
I was aware I could sabotage
her plans pretty easily

1204
01:05:50.555 --> 01:05:53.601
by distracting her or
whatever, and... anyway.

1205
01:05:55.212 --> 01:06:00.173
Yeah, I took the
high road instead.

1206
01:06:03.916 --> 01:06:06.788
- Brittany Maynard's 30th
birthday is five weeks away

1207
01:06:06.832 --> 01:06:08.486
and she is not
planning to see it.

1208
01:06:08.529 --> 01:06:10.836
We first reported last
week on this young woman

1209
01:06:10.879 --> 01:06:13.447
with terminal cancer,
her story is restarting

1210
01:06:13.491 --> 01:06:17.495
a national debate over
medical aid in dying.

1211
01:06:17.538 --> 01:06:20.585
- After her diagnosis, she
moved to Portland, Oregon,

1212
01:06:20.628 --> 01:06:23.240
one of five states where
it is legal for doctors

1213
01:06:23.283 --> 01:06:27.853
to help terminally ill
patients take their own lives.

1214
01:06:27.896 --> 01:06:30.334
- Oregon is the state
with the longest history

1215
01:06:30.377 --> 01:06:32.684
of having a death
with dignity law

1216
01:06:32.727 --> 01:06:35.948
that permits people to
get a prescription for

1217
01:06:35.992 --> 01:06:39.038
a lethal dose that they
administer to themselves.

1218
01:06:39.082 --> 01:06:43.608
But the law requires that
two physicians be able

1219
01:06:43.651 --> 01:06:46.611
to certify that they
will be dead from

1220
01:06:46.654 --> 01:06:49.092
the disease within six months

1221
01:06:49.135 --> 01:06:50.571
and that they are of sound mind,

1222
01:06:50.615 --> 01:06:52.834
and then they can get
that prescription.

1223
01:06:52.878 --> 01:06:56.403
Someone with dementia
could easily lose

1224
01:06:56.447 --> 01:06:59.015
the capacity to remember
that they had planned

1225
01:06:59.058 --> 01:07:01.930
to take their lives,
and more, not be able

1226
01:07:01.974 --> 01:07:04.542
to carry out the procedures,
that under the law,

1227
01:07:04.585 --> 01:07:06.848
they have to carry
out by themselves.

1228
01:07:08.850 --> 01:07:12.550
- Was I hesitant in jumping
into this whole thing? No.

1229
01:07:13.942 --> 01:07:16.989
Which is interesting. This idea

1230
01:07:17.033 --> 01:07:21.820
that somebody would choose
to end their own life

1231
01:07:21.863 --> 01:07:23.474
that wasn't outside.

1232
01:07:24.562 --> 01:07:26.085
What I did was observe.

1233
01:07:26.129 --> 01:07:30.220
We had a very specific
list of things

1234
01:07:30.263 --> 01:07:33.440
to be done from what
Daryl had written,

1235
01:07:33.484 --> 01:07:37.227
and they were in short
declarative sentences.

1236
01:07:37.270 --> 01:07:40.447
The drug that Sandy
used has the trade name

1237
01:07:40.491 --> 01:07:44.016
of Nembutal. It's
sodium barbital.

1238
01:07:44.060 --> 01:07:45.409
It's a barbiturate
that was used in

1239
01:07:45.452 --> 01:07:49.456
the 1950s to treat insomnia.

1240
01:07:49.500 --> 01:07:52.155
Which implies that
if you use Nembutal

1241
01:07:52.198 --> 01:07:54.113
to take your own life,

1242
01:07:54.157 --> 01:07:56.463
you will necessarily
die in your sleep.

1243
01:07:56.507 --> 01:07:58.596
And that's why it was
the drug of choice

1244
01:07:58.639 --> 01:08:01.120
for the states that have
death by dignity laws.

1245
01:08:01.164 --> 01:08:03.992
It's virtually used
by all veterinarians

1246
01:08:04.036 --> 01:08:07.605
for humanely
euthanizing animals.

1247
01:08:07.648 --> 01:08:10.521
It's illegal in
the United States.

1248
01:08:10.564 --> 01:08:14.960
- Having the materials
available would then give her

1249
01:08:15.003 --> 01:08:18.790
the choice, if and when
she decided to do it.

1250
01:08:18.833 --> 01:08:22.707
Whereas, if she didn't get
the materials at that time,

1251
01:08:22.750 --> 01:08:27.712
which was in September of 2014,

1252
01:08:27.755 --> 01:08:29.453
she wouldn't have
the opportunity.

1253
01:08:29.496 --> 01:08:32.804
- There have now been
1,200 people in Oregon over

1254
01:08:32.847 --> 01:08:36.721
the years that have gotten
the prescription for the drug,

1255
01:08:36.764 --> 01:08:39.941
but one third of those
people never used it.

1256
01:08:39.985 --> 01:08:44.555
What Oregon reports is
people are just so relieved

1257
01:08:44.598 --> 01:08:47.427
to know that this is
now under their control

1258
01:08:47.471 --> 01:08:50.561
that they find they can
get on with their lives.

1259
01:08:50.604 --> 01:08:54.478
- If she had waited until
January of this year,

1260
01:08:54.521 --> 01:08:58.003
she wouldn't manage
to write an email

1261
01:08:58.046 --> 01:09:01.441
to the gentleman in Mexico,
she wouldn't have managed

1262
01:09:01.485 --> 01:09:04.444
to get her credit card
numbers and so on.

1263
01:09:04.488 --> 01:09:07.186
She couldn't have
done it herself.

1264
01:09:08.231 --> 01:09:10.015
And if she couldn't
do it herself,

1265
01:09:10.058 --> 01:09:12.539
then it would require
somebody to assist her,

1266
01:09:13.410 --> 01:09:16.978
which ends up, at whole, being
an entirely different matter.

1267
01:09:25.117 --> 01:09:25.900
- Where was I?

1268
01:09:25.944 --> 01:09:27.032
- You said something about

1269
01:09:27.075 --> 01:09:28.207
this moment of
lucidity or something.

1270
01:09:28.251 --> 01:09:30.383
- Yeah, I know that,
that moment's passed.

1271
01:09:30.427 --> 01:09:34.518
[laughing]

1272
01:09:37.651 --> 01:09:41.394
You know, I love you a lot.

1273
01:09:41.438 --> 01:09:43.222
- I love you too.
- And I know you are a nurse,

1274
01:09:43.266 --> 01:09:48.096
but you're a retired nurse so
you don't have to nurse me.

1275
01:09:48.140 --> 01:09:49.489
- But people with
Alzheimer's can,

1276
01:09:49.533 --> 01:09:51.143
even when they don't
know who people are,

1277
01:09:51.187 --> 01:09:55.539
they could still have
good days and joy

1278
01:09:55.582 --> 01:10:00.587
and enjoy a beautiful
day or a beautiful sight.

1279
01:10:01.632 --> 01:10:04.200
- Right, that's true.

1280
01:10:06.332 --> 01:10:07.115
That's true.

1281
01:10:08.029 --> 01:10:11.729
We were doing this
bizarre thing like looking

1282
01:10:11.772 --> 01:10:15.254
at work schedules
and family schedules,

1283
01:10:15.298 --> 01:10:17.778
and we'd find these windows
and say, "We're doing dinner,

1284
01:10:17.822 --> 01:10:21.042
"we're having lunch, we're
doing a photo shoot..."

1285
01:10:21.086 --> 01:10:23.393
We're doing whatever
we can with these times

1286
01:10:23.436 --> 01:10:26.744
that we're all together
and then it would get

1287
01:10:26.787 --> 01:10:29.399
a little later on
and I'd start to say,

1288
01:10:29.442 --> 01:10:31.662
"Well, I can give up thatshift, I can give up that shift,

1289
01:10:31.705 --> 01:10:33.185
"Jeff went down another shift,

1290
01:10:33.229 --> 01:10:35.622
"the kids are gonna stop
doing this one activity."

1291
01:10:35.666 --> 01:10:38.016
- I got into the thing of
realizing that I needed

1292
01:10:38.059 --> 01:10:41.802
to contact to see
how she was doing.

1293
01:10:41.846 --> 01:10:43.761
And so I would get
together and one of

1294
01:10:43.804 --> 01:10:47.025
the questions I would
ask is, "Is it time?"

1295
01:10:47.068 --> 01:10:49.114
And she would say
"No, it's not time."

1296
01:10:49.157 --> 01:10:51.203
- It's never gonna be the time.

1297
01:10:51.247 --> 01:10:54.293
It's never gonna feel
like the right time.

1298
01:10:54.337 --> 01:10:57.557
It's not a dentist
appointment, you know?

1299
01:11:00.343 --> 01:11:03.084
- The hardest part was leaving.

1300
01:11:05.043 --> 01:11:06.610
I could be here and I could talk

1301
01:11:06.653 --> 01:11:11.745
with Linda about all of
this and I could be sane,

1302
01:11:11.789 --> 01:11:16.750
rational, help her,
look at it in her way

1303
01:11:16.794 --> 01:11:19.579
and then I would get in the car

1304
01:11:19.623 --> 01:11:21.929
and I would head
down the driveway

1305
01:11:21.973 --> 01:11:24.671
and I'd have to stop and cry.

1306
01:11:25.846 --> 01:11:30.503
That was my job was
to be here for Linda,

1307
01:11:31.591 --> 01:11:36.422
and to take care of me
and my issues elsewhere.

1308
01:11:37.510 --> 01:11:39.860
- The things I could do
were help her say goodbye,

1309
01:11:41.732 --> 01:11:43.037
help her think about the end

1310
01:11:43.081 --> 01:11:46.693
and also not shield
her from her disability

1311
01:11:46.737 --> 01:11:48.565
and her capabilities.

1312
01:11:49.479 --> 01:11:51.089
All of that went into, I think,

1313
01:11:51.132 --> 01:11:53.918
Linda finally coming
to the decision

1314
01:11:53.961 --> 01:11:55.441
that she needed to do it.

1315
01:11:59.489 --> 01:12:01.534
- So line up for kisses.

1316
01:12:04.058 --> 01:12:05.756
Remember the good times.

1317
01:12:08.324 --> 01:12:10.282
Love people you just met.

1318
01:12:12.589 --> 01:12:13.764
Be kind to each other.

1319
01:12:16.810 --> 01:12:17.594
Hug the dog.

1320
01:12:19.683 --> 01:12:21.598
- Linda, at this
point, had gone around

1321
01:12:21.641 --> 01:12:24.818
and said goodbyes
to lots of people.

1322
01:12:24.862 --> 01:12:28.126
So there were those
closures taking place.

1323
01:12:29.388 --> 01:12:33.653
It was the question of,
"Okay, so... what day?

1324
01:12:35.046 --> 01:12:36.569
"When do you want to do it?"

1325
01:12:39.572 --> 01:12:43.228
The day before the thing
that we have no word for,

1326
01:12:43.271 --> 01:12:48.276
we decided that we were all
gonna have dinner as a family.

1327
01:12:48.320 --> 01:12:50.670
And as somebody who really feels

1328
01:12:50.714 --> 01:12:53.151
that food is an
important part of ritual,

1329
01:12:53.194 --> 01:12:55.893
I was going, "What do you eat?"

1330
01:12:57.068 --> 01:12:59.200
And then I was just
in charge of dessert.

1331
01:12:59.244 --> 01:13:02.421
Okay, I'm gonna make
dessert and it's gonna be

1332
01:13:02.465 --> 01:13:04.510
the best thing I've ever made.

1333
01:13:04.554 --> 01:13:05.642
Linda has a sweet tooth,

1334
01:13:05.685 --> 01:13:06.904
I'm gonna make her
something amazing,

1335
01:13:06.947 --> 01:13:08.340
something I've never made,

1336
01:13:08.384 --> 01:13:10.037
something I might
never make again.

1337
01:13:10.081 --> 01:13:13.606
So I made this chocolate
peanut butter tart.

1338
01:13:14.738 --> 01:13:18.524
And I meditated into that tart.

1339
01:13:18.568 --> 01:13:23.573
I slowed my entire existence
down pressing the shell in

1340
01:13:24.225 --> 01:13:27.359
and of making the ganache
and peanut butter mousse

1341
01:13:27.403 --> 01:13:29.927
and putting the peanuts
on the top of it

1342
01:13:29.970 --> 01:13:32.320
and I just held this thing
up and kind of carried

1343
01:13:32.364 --> 01:13:35.498
it around and it became
this exact little microcosm

1344
01:13:35.541 --> 01:13:39.415
of my intention was in
this little pie, you know?

1345
01:13:39.458 --> 01:13:41.721
And we went over for
dinner and Camila

1346
01:13:41.765 --> 01:13:44.028
and Linda were all
having Manhattans

1347
01:13:44.071 --> 01:13:46.552
and playing loud music
and laughing and crying

1348
01:13:46.596 --> 01:13:49.425
in this very joyous,
kind of, exuberant way.

1349
01:13:49.468 --> 01:13:51.688
And we walked into it, they
were very happy to see us.

1350
01:13:51.731 --> 01:13:54.168
And we all kind of hung around,

1351
01:13:54.212 --> 01:13:58.608
the kids did some performances,they sang some songs.

1352
01:13:58.651 --> 01:14:01.654
♪ Ruby lips above the water

1353
01:14:01.698 --> 01:14:06.442
♪ Blowing bubbles
soft and fine ♪

1354
01:14:06.485 --> 01:14:10.750
♪ But alas, I was no swimmer

1355
01:14:10.794 --> 01:14:15.320
♪ So I lost my Clementine

1356
01:14:15.363 --> 01:14:19.542
♪ Oh my darlin', oh my darlin'

1357
01:14:19.585 --> 01:14:24.503
♪ Oh my darlin', Clementine

1358
01:14:24.547 --> 01:14:28.420
♪ You were lost
and gone forever ♪

1359
01:14:28.464 --> 01:14:32.511
♪ Dreadful sorry, Clementine

1360
01:14:33.512 --> 01:14:34.774
- People don't get to do that.

1361
01:14:34.818 --> 01:14:36.384
They don't get to see
someone and say, like,

1362
01:14:36.428 --> 01:14:39.039
"This is gonna be the
last time I see you."

1363
01:14:39.083 --> 01:14:41.346
You don't really get to do that.

1364
01:14:41.389 --> 01:14:42.478
You never know when
that's gonna be

1365
01:14:42.521 --> 01:14:44.436
and there's a lot of fear there.

1366
01:14:44.480 --> 01:14:47.526
And then that disconnect can
feel that much more dramatic.

1367
01:14:47.570 --> 01:14:49.528
"I never got to say goodbye."

1368
01:14:50.834 --> 01:14:53.358
I did get to say goodbye.

1369
01:14:53.401 --> 01:14:57.014
I felt like I was saying
goodbye for years to Linda.

1370
01:14:59.190 --> 01:15:04.064
♪ There will be a
change in the weather ♪

1371
01:15:04.108 --> 01:15:07.241
[somber music]

1372
01:15:07.285 --> 01:15:09.896
- It was like a
mockingly beautiful day.

1373
01:15:09.940 --> 01:15:12.595
It's almost absurd
how gorgeous it was.

1374
01:15:12.638 --> 01:15:14.074
It was the middle of March

1375
01:15:14.118 --> 01:15:16.424
and you're going, like,
"What is this beautiful day?"

1376
01:15:16.468 --> 01:15:18.688
"Fuck you, beautiful day.
You're not a beautiful day,

1377
01:15:18.731 --> 01:15:20.603
"but you are!" and all that...

1378
01:15:21.995 --> 01:15:24.694
- I was in the middle of a techrehearsal at the theater and

1379
01:15:26.260 --> 01:15:29.307
Camila had said that she
wanted me to be there

1380
01:15:29.350 --> 01:15:31.483
and Linda said she
wanted me to be there.

1381
01:15:31.527 --> 01:15:33.441
- They all said to me,
"Well, you have a choice.

1382
01:15:33.485 --> 01:15:35.574
"You can decide to not be here.

1383
01:15:35.618 --> 01:15:38.359
"You can decide to be
here and then leave

1384
01:15:38.403 --> 01:15:40.927
"or be here and then stay."

1385
01:15:40.971 --> 01:15:42.755
I just didn't think it
would have been right

1386
01:15:42.799 --> 01:15:45.932
to be there and then leave.
No way, not leave my mother.

1387
01:15:48.369 --> 01:15:50.502
- [sighs] It was all a
little bit of a blur,

1388
01:15:50.546 --> 01:15:51.895
to tell you the truth.

1389
01:15:51.938 --> 01:15:56.334
I do know that one special
connection that Jeffrey

1390
01:15:56.377 --> 01:16:01.382
and Linda had is that he makes
very delicious breakfasts.

1391
01:16:02.688 --> 01:16:03.733
- Eggs Benedict.

1392
01:16:05.648 --> 01:16:10.217
I loved cooking for Linda,
she was my best customer.

1393
01:16:10.261 --> 01:16:14.482
[laughs] And we had some
phenomenal meals here,

1394
01:16:14.526 --> 01:16:17.877
sitting at that bar over
there at the island.

1395
01:16:17.921 --> 01:16:20.880
- Later in the morning, Lin
and I decided to take off.

1396
01:16:20.924 --> 01:16:25.189
The house felt very heavy, just,

1397
01:16:26.625 --> 01:16:27.800
the air felt heavy.

1398
01:16:27.844 --> 01:16:31.456
Everything was heavy that day.

1399
01:16:32.370 --> 01:16:35.373
So we had to get out of dodge.

1400
01:16:35.416 --> 01:16:37.636
And the two of us,
just alone, we decided

1401
01:16:37.680 --> 01:16:41.422
to take Roada, our
van, to go for a drive.

1402
01:16:42.336 --> 01:16:45.383
So we went to Stewart
Park and sat in Roada

1403
01:16:45.426 --> 01:16:49.909
and talked about our lives
and Linda gave me lots

1404
01:16:49.953 --> 01:16:54.958
of advice about how
I was gonna be okay,

1405
01:16:55.523 --> 01:16:57.395
and I had a great family

1406
01:16:57.438 --> 01:17:00.441
and a wonderful
community of friends.

1407
01:17:00.485 --> 01:17:01.617
A lot of living
to do, basically,

1408
01:17:01.660 --> 01:17:04.576
she gave me a big pep talk.

1409
01:17:06.709 --> 01:17:08.754
- She was hoping that
you might just be able

1410
01:17:08.798 --> 01:17:10.582
to give her some general advice

1411
01:17:10.626 --> 01:17:14.630
that she could just look
to throughout the years.

1412
01:17:14.673 --> 01:17:15.456
- Wow.

1413
01:17:16.632 --> 01:17:18.764
- What do you want to
tell the kids at home?

1414
01:17:18.808 --> 01:17:20.984
- [laughs] Just really,
having a great time,

1415
01:17:21.027 --> 01:17:21.985
wish you were here.

1416
01:17:22.028 --> 01:17:23.290
- Right.

1417
01:17:23.334 --> 01:17:24.552
- [laughs] That's probably
not the best thing

1418
01:17:24.596 --> 01:17:26.859
to send from the grave, is it?

1419
01:17:28.948 --> 01:17:29.906
- I think so.

1420
01:17:29.949 --> 01:17:30.994
- Okay.

1421
01:17:32.169 --> 01:17:36.129
- Wow. See? She knows how
to rescue me from anything.

1422
01:17:36.173 --> 01:17:37.087
- Yeah.

1423
01:17:37.130 --> 01:17:37.957
[laughing]

1424
01:17:38.001 --> 01:17:39.655
- She's never let me down.

1425
01:17:39.698 --> 01:17:40.960
- She's gonna kick
herself later, though,

1426
01:17:41.004 --> 01:17:42.745
when she knows
she was this close

1427
01:17:42.788 --> 01:17:45.182
to some solid advice.
- To knowing the pearl--

1428
01:17:45.225 --> 01:17:48.359
- And then she buried
it with the lunch plan.

1429
01:17:48.402 --> 01:17:49.665
- Aww.

1430
01:17:49.708 --> 01:17:50.796
[laughing]

1431
01:17:50.840 --> 01:17:52.363
You think?

1432
01:17:52.406 --> 01:17:53.233
- Uh-huh.

1433
01:17:53.277 --> 01:17:54.757
- Yeah, she will.

1434
01:17:54.800 --> 01:17:55.932
I already have the answer.

1435
01:17:55.975 --> 01:17:57.368
Turn it on.
- Okay, okay.

1436
01:17:58.586 --> 01:18:01.415
- W...

1437
01:18:01.459 --> 01:18:05.289
W...

1438
01:18:05.332 --> 01:18:09.162
L...

1439
01:18:09.206 --> 01:18:10.033
D.

1440
01:18:13.601 --> 01:18:15.125
What would Linda do?

1441
01:18:15.168 --> 01:18:16.126
[laughing]

1442
01:18:16.169 --> 01:18:17.649
- What would Linda do?

1443
01:18:19.085 --> 01:18:21.697
- Try to see the broad
picture and then focus in.

1444
01:18:23.133 --> 01:18:27.093
If it's an issue about
humans and human nature,

1445
01:18:27.137 --> 01:18:29.705
it's always give them
the benefit of the doubt.

1446
01:18:32.098 --> 01:18:33.621
The other thing I
would say is that she

1447
01:18:33.665 --> 01:18:35.711
and I are very different people

1448
01:18:35.754 --> 01:18:40.106
and she is incredibly
good at so many things,

1449
01:18:41.673 --> 01:18:45.416
and helpful, and
pleasant, and courteous

1450
01:18:45.459 --> 01:18:48.462
[laughing] in ways that I'm
not sure I ever have been.

1451
01:18:48.506 --> 01:18:53.511
So I think that my
answer would be:

1452
01:18:53.859 --> 01:18:57.907
You have this stuff that
counts because you know how

1453
01:18:57.950 --> 01:18:59.909
to deal with the
feelings of the heart.

1454
01:19:00.823 --> 01:19:03.564
And if somebody wants
to know how to put

1455
01:19:03.608 --> 01:19:04.870
a piece of board
onto something else,

1456
01:19:04.914 --> 01:19:06.654
there's tons of people
who can do that with you

1457
01:19:06.698 --> 01:19:10.746
and you can be helped
by them. [sniffles]

1458
01:19:10.789 --> 01:19:13.444
But if it's a feeling of the
heart or if someone needs help

1459
01:19:13.487 --> 01:19:18.536
that way, you're always on
the spot with great advice.

1460
01:19:18.579 --> 01:19:20.538
So don't sell yourself short.

1461
01:19:26.457 --> 01:19:29.852
[gentle acoustic music]

1462
01:19:33.203 --> 01:19:36.597
- I came in and everybody
was kind of sitting around.

1463
01:19:37.816 --> 01:19:39.557
Who knew what that
day was gonna be like?

1464
01:19:39.600 --> 01:19:41.602
I mean, there was no
rehearsal for this.

1465
01:19:41.646 --> 01:19:43.735
Nobody could say, "Oh,
well the last time I went

1466
01:19:43.779 --> 01:19:48.305
"to an event like this." I meanthis was brand new territory

1467
01:19:49.436 --> 01:19:51.395
- This was some
Lewis and Clark shit.

1468
01:19:54.572 --> 01:19:59.142
There's no preparing for
that kind of experience,

1469
01:20:00.012 --> 01:20:03.668
sitting down in a room full
of people who you care about

1470
01:20:03.711 --> 01:20:06.279
and knowing that one
of you is gonna die.

1471
01:20:07.672 --> 01:20:09.717
- After a few hours I guess Jens

1472
01:20:09.761 --> 01:20:13.243
and Nancy came by and
I remember not wanting

1473
01:20:13.286 --> 01:20:14.244
to see you show up.

1474
01:20:15.941 --> 01:20:20.772
- Oh, I can imagine, yeah.
- Yeah, that was really hard.

1475
01:20:20.816 --> 01:20:24.602
- In that afternoon I was like
okay, it's really happening.

1476
01:20:24.645 --> 01:20:29.520
Okay, Jens just got here,
that means the ball's rolling.

1477
01:20:29.563 --> 01:20:33.176
- Nancy and I came
in about four o'clock

1478
01:20:33.219 --> 01:20:36.657
and she immediately
was up and ready to go.

1479
01:20:36.701 --> 01:20:39.008
- And as soon as Jens
and Nancy came in,

1480
01:20:39.051 --> 01:20:44.056
Linda jumped up and all of
us got on like high alert.

1481
01:20:44.361 --> 01:20:46.972
- I mean, that was just so
brave to just be like okay,

1482
01:20:47.016 --> 01:20:49.714
like I'm, and we could
do this now, I'm ready.

1483
01:20:49.757 --> 01:20:52.543
But then it was a
challenge of like waiting

1484
01:20:52.586 --> 01:20:55.328
for the right time
and nobody wanting

1485
01:20:55.372 --> 01:20:58.288
to say, "It's getting
late," or, you know,

1486
01:20:58.331 --> 01:21:01.073
"Okay, how about
now?" Like nobody.

1487
01:21:02.118 --> 01:21:05.730
- I'm really grateful
for that time.

1488
01:21:05.773 --> 01:21:07.601
I'm grateful for all the time.

1489
01:21:09.560 --> 01:21:12.737
But those were the longest
minutes of my life.

1490
01:21:12.780 --> 01:21:17.176
I mean, there were seconds of
silence that felt like hours.

1491
01:21:20.614 --> 01:21:23.922
- Boy, I spent a good
deal of time staring

1492
01:21:23.966 --> 01:21:25.576
at this stove that day.

1493
01:21:27.665 --> 01:21:29.449
[laughs]

1494
01:21:29.493 --> 01:21:34.585
The lamp was elsewhere and thatrectangle occupied my field

1495
01:21:34.628 --> 01:21:38.937
of vision for pretty
much the whole day.

1496
01:21:38.981 --> 01:21:41.635
Like, I stared in that hole.

1497
01:21:41.679 --> 01:21:46.640
I examined its angles
and where the bricks were

1498
01:21:46.684 --> 01:21:48.904
and... you know, I
needed something.

1499
01:21:50.993 --> 01:21:53.125
- So we were all
listening to Linda sing.

1500
01:21:53.169 --> 01:21:56.737
It wasn't really much
talking going on, I mean...

1501
01:21:56.781 --> 01:21:58.478
- It's like looking
at each other

1502
01:21:58.522 --> 01:22:00.741
and smiling and we
were silent sometimes

1503
01:22:00.785 --> 01:22:03.309
and then we played some music

1504
01:22:03.353 --> 01:22:07.139
and we sang together
and then we were silent.

1505
01:22:07.183 --> 01:22:09.620
- Such an otherworldly
experience

1506
01:22:09.663 --> 01:22:12.014
that nothing could
have prepared me for,

1507
01:22:12.057 --> 01:22:16.453
or any of us, and here we are
going through it together,

1508
01:22:16.496 --> 01:22:18.759
wading through these
uncharted waters,

1509
01:22:19.804 --> 01:22:21.588
making it up as we go along.

1510
01:22:24.852 --> 01:22:26.811
Save for Linda who had her plan.

1511
01:22:28.204 --> 01:22:31.207
And she was gonna stick to
it and we were all there

1512
01:22:31.250 --> 01:22:34.993
to support her and to show
her that however hard it was,

1513
01:22:35.037 --> 01:22:38.562
that we love her enough to
let her go through with it.

1514
01:22:41.521 --> 01:22:44.916
- And then there was
this really Linda moment.

1515
01:22:44.960 --> 01:22:47.875
- She was sitting there and
she threw her hands back

1516
01:22:47.919 --> 01:22:51.140
and threw her head
back on the sofa.

1517
01:22:51.183 --> 01:22:53.664
- And she said, "I
just want everyone

1518
01:22:53.707 --> 01:22:56.972
"to know that this
whole thing sucks."

1519
01:22:57.798 --> 01:22:59.670
- And then she came
back down and she turned

1520
01:22:59.713 --> 01:23:01.889
to me and said, "Let's go."

1521
01:23:01.933 --> 01:23:03.761
- After that,
everybody just told her

1522
01:23:03.804 --> 01:23:06.764
how much they loved
her, how much it meant

1523
01:23:06.807 --> 01:23:11.551
to them to be here, to have
known her, to care for her.

1524
01:23:12.770 --> 01:23:14.076
- The next thing
we had to do was

1525
01:23:14.119 --> 01:23:16.600
to fix her gin and tonic
which took a while.

1526
01:23:17.644 --> 01:23:20.473
Because she couldn't remember
how to make a gin and tonic.

1527
01:23:20.517 --> 01:23:22.867
- Aurelia moved to be
on the other side of

1528
01:23:22.910 --> 01:23:27.915
Camila, and Camila was
hyperventilating and...

1529
01:23:28.220 --> 01:23:31.571
- She got out a coffee
cup and a glass,

1530
01:23:31.615 --> 01:23:33.008
she was supposed
to get two glasses

1531
01:23:33.051 --> 01:23:34.487
but she couldn't find them.

1532
01:23:36.011 --> 01:23:38.143
She got those two out
of the dishwasher.

1533
01:23:38.187 --> 01:23:41.712
And in the coffee cup she
made herself a gin and tonic.

1534
01:23:43.322 --> 01:23:46.456
- The two of them, Jens and
Linda, went into the room.

1535
01:23:47.979 --> 01:23:50.503
- She knew exactly
what to do and she got

1536
01:23:50.547 --> 01:23:52.505
the two bottles of medicine,

1537
01:23:52.549 --> 01:23:55.943
popped the little
rubber caps out

1538
01:23:55.987 --> 01:23:58.990
and poured the two
bottles into a glass.

1539
01:24:00.470 --> 01:24:03.081
I asked her, "Do you
want to do this?"

1540
01:24:03.125 --> 01:24:05.431
And she said, "Let's
get on with it."

1541
01:24:06.693 --> 01:24:09.479
That was not said for her,
I knew what she wanted.

1542
01:24:09.522 --> 01:24:11.481
That was said for me.

1543
01:24:13.483 --> 01:24:18.009
I spent my whole
life learning enough

1544
01:24:18.053 --> 01:24:21.491
and getting things together
so that I could do that.

1545
01:24:23.536 --> 01:24:27.671
Took everything I've
ever learned for myself

1546
01:24:28.889 --> 01:24:30.500
to be there for Linda.

1547
01:24:32.850 --> 01:24:34.330
- Well, you know, I just
thought of something

1548
01:24:34.373 --> 01:24:36.854
else I could say to Camila.

1549
01:24:40.640 --> 01:24:44.818
You can still live your
life and just, you know...

1550
01:24:52.522 --> 01:24:54.828
Don't waste the
time that you have.

1551
01:24:58.615 --> 01:25:00.356
[sniffling]

1552
01:25:04.621 --> 01:25:06.579
I guess that's it.

1553
01:25:06.623 --> 01:25:08.538
You think that's clear?

1554
01:25:09.452 --> 01:25:10.496
- Okay.

1555
01:25:13.151 --> 01:25:14.587
[birds chirping]

1556
01:25:14.631 --> 01:25:16.589
- I don't know what she'll
do with that information.

1557
01:25:16.633 --> 01:25:17.982
- Well...

1558
01:25:18.025 --> 01:25:19.026
- She has it.

1559
01:25:19.070 --> 01:25:20.071
- She has it.

1560
01:25:24.989 --> 01:25:28.906
Yeah, don't waste a lot of
money if I'm on my way out.

1561
01:25:44.008 --> 01:25:45.444
It'd be impressive
if I died right now,

1562
01:25:45.488 --> 01:25:48.317
that would be
impressive. [laughs]

1563
01:25:49.927 --> 01:25:51.842
But I'm not ready to do it
so forget about it, man.

1564
01:25:51.885 --> 01:25:53.060
- Forget about it.
- I'm not gonna get

1565
01:25:53.104 --> 01:25:55.367
let you film me dying.

1566
01:25:55.411 --> 01:25:56.238
- No.

1567
01:25:58.153 --> 01:26:01.373
- I took Linda's hand, we
walked into the bedroom

1568
01:26:01.417 --> 01:26:04.463
and she lay down on
the bed, on her back,

1569
01:26:05.595 --> 01:26:08.424
and she said, "I'm
gonna need my eye mask."

1570
01:26:08.467 --> 01:26:10.600
Because it was kind of
bright in the bedroom.

1571
01:26:12.210 --> 01:26:13.820
I knew she wouldn't need them.

1572
01:26:14.952 --> 01:26:17.607
So I just put my hands
over her eyes and said,

1573
01:26:18.564 --> 01:26:21.219
"Just close your eyes,
go to sleep, honey."

1574
01:26:22.655 --> 01:26:26.529
- I mean, nobody knew what
to do except we were waiting.

1575
01:26:29.140 --> 01:26:31.621
I said to Camila, I felt terror.

1576
01:26:31.664 --> 01:26:36.191
Like, such fear, because
it was so unknown.

1577
01:26:38.497 --> 01:26:42.849
- It got to be about
dinnertime and the phone rang.

1578
01:26:42.893 --> 01:26:45.809
And the kids were eating,
I don't recall if I was,

1579
01:26:45.852 --> 01:26:49.682
I kind of walked around in
a fog for most of that day.

1580
01:26:50.857 --> 01:26:54.209
I got off the phone and
let the kids finish dinner.

1581
01:26:55.471 --> 01:26:57.777
"Okay, well, let's
go brush our teeth

1582
01:26:57.821 --> 01:26:59.039
"and put on our pajamas,"

1583
01:26:59.083 --> 01:27:01.825
and I'm like losing
it a little bit.

1584
01:27:01.868 --> 01:27:04.306
I pulled them into
the bedroom, and

1585
01:27:04.349 --> 01:27:08.962
"I have something I have to
tell you. It's about Nana."

1586
01:27:10.442 --> 01:27:12.749
- Go to sleep,
Nana, go to sleep.

1587
01:27:17.319 --> 01:27:19.669
Ding-a-ling-a-ling!
Ding-a-ling-a-ling!

1588
01:27:21.671 --> 01:27:22.454
- Morning!

1589
01:27:25.892 --> 01:27:27.807
- That was the scariest
thing I've ever had

1590
01:27:27.851 --> 01:27:31.289
to do was tell
them what happened.

1591
01:27:31.333 --> 01:27:33.726
I felt like I was taking
her away from them.

1592
01:27:34.640 --> 01:27:38.470
Sparrow started crying
and wanted to know why

1593
01:27:38.514 --> 01:27:41.604
and what was going on,
and Zinnia just kind

1594
01:27:41.647 --> 01:27:46.217
of said, "So,
forever, she's gone?"

1595
01:27:46.261 --> 01:27:49.394
And I said, "Yes, you
know, she's dead."

1596
01:27:51.048 --> 01:27:54.094
And she kind of
hugged me a little bit

1597
01:27:54.138 --> 01:27:58.142
and went over to Sparrow
and then it was [snaps],

1598
01:27:58.185 --> 01:28:00.187
nothing was different again.

1599
01:28:01.363 --> 01:28:06.281
And then Sparrow got mad
at her for not crying.

1600
01:28:06.324 --> 01:28:08.500
And that was really hard
to watch Sparrow yelling

1601
01:28:08.544 --> 01:28:10.023
at her little sister,
"You don't care,

1602
01:28:10.067 --> 01:28:11.808
"you don't seem to care."

1603
01:28:11.851 --> 01:28:15.115
She just wasn't processing
it the same way.

1604
01:28:15.159 --> 01:28:17.944
- She might be in
front of you right now.

1605
01:28:20.207 --> 01:28:20.991
- Oh yeah?

1606
01:28:22.427 --> 01:28:24.429
That's a really sweet thought.

1607
01:28:24.473 --> 01:28:26.126
- She's a ghost?

1608
01:28:29.347 --> 01:28:30.305
- Hm.

1609
01:28:33.351 --> 01:28:36.311
- Sparrow read the obituary.

1610
01:28:36.354 --> 01:28:40.663
She's smart as get out and
understands what words mean.

1611
01:28:40.706 --> 01:28:43.013
I didn't notice
she was doing it.

1612
01:28:43.056 --> 01:28:45.581
And there's a lot of candid
information in there.

1613
01:28:45.624 --> 01:28:49.411
But she read that obituary
and she just got quiet

1614
01:28:49.454 --> 01:28:52.414
and sad and reacted
the way anyone would

1615
01:28:52.457 --> 01:28:55.460
to an obituary of someone
that they loved deeply.

1616
01:28:55.504 --> 01:28:58.289
She didn't ask any
questions about it but

1617
01:28:58.333 --> 01:29:00.422
I can't imagine that she
didn't take that piece

1618
01:29:00.465 --> 01:29:04.643
of information and
then understand what

1619
01:29:04.687 --> 01:29:07.429
Now, what's cool about
that is that it's because

1620
01:29:07.472 --> 01:29:10.823
it doesn't mean anything
bad to her at this point.

1621
01:29:10.867 --> 01:29:13.086
She has not been socialized,
as a seven-year-old,

1622
01:29:13.130 --> 01:29:15.524
to think that is something
that you don't do,

1623
01:29:15.567 --> 01:29:17.439
you don't take your own life.

1624
01:29:18.744 --> 01:29:23.401
- Rachel and my
mom and my sister,

1625
01:29:23.445 --> 01:29:26.491
they were talking
about what this was

1626
01:29:27.840 --> 01:29:32.715
and they came up with
that fantastic way

1627
01:29:32.758 --> 01:29:36.414
It was a radical act of love.

1628
01:29:36.458 --> 01:29:39.112
I was so impressed because
it immediately communicated

1629
01:29:39.156 --> 01:29:42.420
to me what this meant
to all of us, you know?

1630
01:29:42.464 --> 01:29:46.424
This was an astounding,
courageous thing to do,

1631
01:29:46.468 --> 01:29:50.602
to say, "I'm gonna stand up
in the face of this disease

1632
01:29:50.646 --> 01:29:52.865
"which is going to
rob me of who I am

1633
01:29:52.909 --> 01:29:57.783
"and I'm not gonna
let it take me away."

1634
01:29:58.741 --> 01:30:00.395
Linda didn't look afraid.

1635
01:30:01.526 --> 01:30:03.702
- She had that one
moment when she said

1636
01:30:03.746 --> 01:30:05.225
this whole thing sucks.

1637
01:30:06.531 --> 01:30:11.536
I didn't feel any
remorse, doubt.

1638
01:30:12.842 --> 01:30:16.846
She was resigned and she
was gonna do it this way

1639
01:30:16.889 --> 01:30:19.762
and she was gonna take care
of us as she was doing it too.

1640
01:30:21.111 --> 01:30:22.373
But I think all of us are kind

1641
01:30:22.417 --> 01:30:24.941
of bound together in that group,

1642
01:30:24.984 --> 01:30:26.943
all of us who were
there that day,

1643
01:30:26.986 --> 01:30:29.032
because we experienced
something that

1644
01:30:29.075 --> 01:30:31.295
very few people have
ever experience.

1645
01:30:31.338 --> 01:30:35.821
- How much longer would
it have gone? Who knows?

1646
01:30:36.866 --> 01:30:39.912
If your body is
that young and able

1647
01:30:39.956 --> 01:30:44.395
and your brain is thatdeveloped and that intelligent,

1648
01:30:44.439 --> 01:30:46.049
what would that
have looked like?

1649
01:30:48.051 --> 01:30:50.488
- I've always thought
that death was

1650
01:30:50.532 --> 01:30:52.621
a very big exhalation.

1651
01:30:54.318 --> 01:30:58.540
An actual release.
I believe that.

1652
01:30:59.671 --> 01:31:04.546
So then why shouldn't
this end of life be

1653
01:31:04.589 --> 01:31:07.723
that when a person wants it?

1654
01:31:09.289 --> 01:31:12.031
- She didn't want to become
some different person,

1655
01:31:13.032 --> 01:31:16.383
struggling to find herself, dayto day and minute to minute.

1656
01:31:17.472 --> 01:31:18.777
She chose to die.

1657
01:31:19.691 --> 01:31:22.781
But if she was gonna die,
and we're all gonna die,

1658
01:31:24.261 --> 01:31:26.481
she was gonna die as Linda,

1659
01:31:28.134 --> 01:31:31.877
and to help us keep her in
our hearts as that person.

1660
01:31:34.489 --> 01:31:37.143
I respect her so much for that.

1661
01:31:53.203 --> 01:31:55.988
[heavy sigh]

1662
01:31:57.555 --> 01:31:59.514
- Anything else you want to add?

1663
01:31:59.557 --> 01:32:00.645
- I love you.

1664
01:32:00.689 --> 01:32:01.472
- I love you.
- I love you,

1665
01:32:01.516 --> 01:32:02.908
I love you, I love you.

1666
01:32:02.952 --> 01:32:05.084
- I love you, I love
you, I love you.

1667
01:32:10.002 --> 01:32:13.963
Do you remember that I said
when we first got together,

1668
01:32:14.006 --> 01:32:15.530
when we fell in love, that...

1669
01:32:18.750 --> 01:32:23.712
no matter how much
time we had together...

1670
01:32:23.755 --> 01:32:25.757
- It wouldn't be enough.

1671
01:32:25.801 --> 01:32:28.194
- It wouldn't be
enough, that's right.

1672
01:32:29.326 --> 01:32:30.632
[sobbing]

1673
01:32:30.675 --> 01:32:35.811
I did not know it
would be so true.

1674
01:32:35.854 --> 01:32:36.638
- Yeah.

1675
01:32:37.639 --> 01:32:39.858
[weeping]

1676
01:32:46.648 --> 01:32:47.562
- But I meant it.

1677
01:32:49.564 --> 01:32:53.480
And it's still true.

1678
01:32:58.355 --> 01:33:00.531
[sniffling]

1679
01:33:20.290 --> 01:33:25.295
[peaceful acoustic music]

1680
01:33:25.774 --> 01:33:30.735
[Linda singing] ♪ If today
was not a crooked highway ♪

1681
01:33:34.696 --> 01:33:39.657
♪ If tonight was not
a crooked trail ♪

1682
01:33:41.746 --> 01:33:46.751
♪ If tomorrow wasn't
such a long time ♪

1683
01:33:48.492 --> 01:33:53.497
♪ Then lonesome would mean
nothing to you at all ♪

1684
01:33:55.934 --> 01:34:00.939
♪ If only my own true
love was waiting ♪

1685
01:34:02.593 --> 01:34:07.598
♪ If I could only hear her
heart a-softly poundin' ♪

1686
01:34:09.731 --> 01:34:14.692
♪ Yes and only if
she was lyin' by me ♪

1687
01:34:16.694 --> 01:34:21.656
♪ Then I'd lie in my bed

1688
01:34:22.961 --> 01:34:27.966
♪ once again

1689
01:34:30.621 --> 01:34:35.626
♪ I can't see my
reflection in the water ♪

1690
01:34:38.890 --> 01:34:43.895
♪ I can't speak the
sounds that show no pain ♪

1691
01:34:45.854 --> 01:34:50.859
♪ I can't hear the
echo of my footsteps ♪

1692
01:34:52.817 --> 01:34:57.822
♪ Or remember the
sounds of my own name ♪

1693
01:35:00.172 --> 01:35:05.177
♪ Yes and only if my own
true love was waiting ♪

1694
01:35:06.918 --> 01:35:11.923
♪ And if I could only hear
her heart a-softly pounding ♪

1695
01:35:13.969 --> 01:35:18.974
♪ Yes and only if
she was lying by me ♪

1696
01:35:20.802 --> 01:35:25.763
♪ Then I'd lie in my bed

1697
01:35:27.025 --> 01:35:32.030
♪ once again

1698
01:35:34.859 --> 01:35:39.864
♪ There's beauty in that
silver singing river ♪

1699
01:35:42.649 --> 01:35:47.654
♪ There's beauty in that
rainbow in the sky ♪

1700
01:35:49.047 --> 01:35:53.965
♪ But none of these and nothingelse can touch the beauty ♪

1701
01:35:55.837 --> 01:36:00.842
♪ That I remember in
my true love's eyes ♪

1702
01:36:03.105 --> 01:36:08.110
♪ Yes and only if my own
true love is waiting ♪

1703
01:36:09.720 --> 01:36:14.725
♪ If I could only hear her
heart a-softly pounding ♪

1704
01:36:16.727 --> 01:36:21.732
♪ Yes and only if
she was lying by me ♪

1705
01:36:24.213 --> 01:36:29.218
♪ Then I'd lie in my bed

1706
01:36:30.654 --> 01:36:33.918
♪ once again