1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:19,399 --> 00:00:22,169 Okay, by applause, who has not been here before? 4 00:00:22,203 --> 00:00:24,271 There's no talking during the show 5 00:00:24,305 --> 00:00:25,272 and there's no heckling. 6 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:27,041 I don't like doing jokes when I host, 7 00:00:27,074 --> 00:00:28,943 - so this means I have nothing. - Is your sister a... 8 00:00:28,976 --> 00:00:30,212 Giant baby? 9 00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:31,979 I have a lot of depression. 10 00:00:32,012 --> 00:00:33,082 Any of you 20-year-olds 11 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,417 - have depression? - My dog died 12 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:35,917 a little while ago, yeah. 13 00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:36,918 - She had cancer. - I don't know how long 14 00:00:36,952 --> 00:00:38,154 I've been up here. 15 00:00:38,187 --> 00:00:40,124 - Feels like forever. - Like, it's fine. 16 00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:44,060 I know I'm weird and it's flaws and whatnot, like... 17 00:00:44,094 --> 00:00:46,397 And my entire night rests on you. 18 00:00:46,431 --> 00:00:49,267 I am allergic to talking about gluten. 19 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,103 I was born on a go kart track. 20 00:00:51,137 --> 00:00:53,172 - That's why I look like this. - I'm a potato with sad eyes! 21 00:00:53,205 --> 00:00:55,207 - Welcome to the family. - She wanted to play doctor, 22 00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:57,244 so I made her wait for an hour 23 00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:58,111 and then told her insurance 24 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,313 doesn't cover elective procedures. 25 00:01:00,347 --> 00:01:01,481 How about a round of applause 26 00:01:01,515 --> 00:01:03,217 - for everybody? - Guys got a great rest 27 00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:04,185 - of the show coming your way. - Guys, thank you so much. 28 00:01:04,218 --> 00:01:06,087 Did you guys do anything today? 29 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,956 Were you, like, at a Jimmy Buffett concert 30 00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:10,225 before you came here? 31 00:01:10,259 --> 00:01:11,393 - What's... - And after I text my mom 32 00:01:11,426 --> 00:01:13,961 and I was like, "Mom, I have two gold teeth now." 33 00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:15,931 And she text back, "We'll have to remember that 34 00:01:15,964 --> 00:01:17,600 - "when we cremate you." - Guys, this is my job 35 00:01:17,634 --> 00:01:19,034 for the first time, it's nice. 36 00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:20,370 Good people, good food, their accents, 37 00:01:20,403 --> 00:01:22,939 - they are disgusting. - Every spring, my apartment 38 00:01:22,972 --> 00:01:24,908 - gets invaded by ants. - 'Cause my brain is trying 39 00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,243 to get back at me, you know? 40 00:01:26,277 --> 00:01:28,045 No comic wants to be a comic. 41 00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:30,348 We all wanted to be actors, but crunches are hard. 42 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,117 On the entertainment hierarchy, 43 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:33,219 it's slightly above mime 44 00:01:33,252 --> 00:01:34,886 and slightly below giving handjobs 45 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,021 - under a bridge. - Cool, all right. 46 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,256 - Have a good night. - That's it. 47 00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:38,324 Thank you so much. You've been great. 48 00:01:38,357 --> 00:01:41,528 Goodbye. 49 00:01:41,562 --> 00:01:44,398 All right, let's keep it going for Stevie Allen. 50 00:01:44,431 --> 00:01:45,300 Good job, buddy. 51 00:01:46,501 --> 00:01:49,036 - Did I miss it? - No. 52 00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:52,274 All right, please welcome Charlie Murray. 53 00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:01,884 Thank you. 54 00:02:02,886 --> 00:02:03,954 Should probably wait till the end, though, 55 00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,189 I might not be very good. 56 00:02:07,191 --> 00:02:08,526 How's everyone doing tonight? 57 00:02:08,559 --> 00:02:12,897 Woo-hoo. 58 00:02:12,930 --> 00:02:15,468 Why is it that men suddenly decide they can cook 59 00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:17,237 when it's time for a barbecue? 60 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,004 When it's barbecue season, 61 00:02:19,037 --> 00:02:20,907 they suddenly become culinary wizards, 62 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,676 but stand them up in a kitchen 63 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:26,280 and they develop some sort of food amnesia. 64 00:02:29,451 --> 00:02:31,453 Do we have any drivers in the house tonight? 65 00:02:33,189 --> 00:02:34,156 I just started my lessons. 66 00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:37,426 Please do not do a bit on women drivers. 67 00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:39,529 Who says it's a bit on women drivers? 68 00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:41,231 Oh, it's not? 69 00:02:41,265 --> 00:02:43,032 My apologies. 70 00:02:43,065 --> 00:02:43,933 Do continue. 71 00:02:46,671 --> 00:02:47,538 Thought so. 72 00:02:49,107 --> 00:02:51,310 You can move on to your time of the month gags now. 73 00:02:53,445 --> 00:02:54,546 We're waiting. 74 00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:57,317 - Bob! - Why don't you just quit it? 75 00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:59,619 We're here to see her comedy, not listen to you. 76 00:02:59,653 --> 00:03:01,655 I'm here to see comedy too. 77 00:03:01,688 --> 00:03:03,391 What time does it start? 78 00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:05,293 What's your problem? 79 00:03:05,326 --> 00:03:07,461 Oh, is this part of the act? 80 00:03:07,495 --> 00:03:09,398 You're a ventriloquist, she's the dummy? 81 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,333 Tell me something, how do you get your hand up her ass 82 00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:12,401 from all the way over there? 83 00:03:12,434 --> 00:03:13,302 Bob! 84 00:03:15,037 --> 00:03:17,105 You gonna respond, sweetheart? 85 00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:18,207 I mean, you've done this before right? 86 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,010 You know what, it's her first time up there... 87 00:03:21,044 --> 00:03:22,579 Oh, we got a virgin! 88 00:03:22,613 --> 00:03:25,516 Well, don't worry, first time always hurts a little bit. 89 00:03:25,549 --> 00:03:27,752 He never treats you right, but trust me, 90 00:03:27,786 --> 00:03:29,521 one day, you'll find the right career 91 00:03:29,554 --> 00:03:31,489 and he'll treat you much better. 92 00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:32,692 Oh, there she goes. 93 00:03:34,092 --> 00:03:34,959 Charlie, wait. 94 00:03:35,761 --> 00:03:36,729 You're a prick. 95 00:03:39,065 --> 00:03:40,434 Guilty. Whoa! 96 00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:42,369 Well, folks, that's my time. 97 00:03:42,402 --> 00:03:43,704 You've been a great crowd. 98 00:03:45,072 --> 00:03:46,474 What was I thinking?! 99 00:03:46,507 --> 00:03:47,675 Charlie, that guy was an asshole. 100 00:03:47,709 --> 00:03:49,344 - I'm not ready yet. - You are! 101 00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:51,714 I don't know how to open or close or structure. 102 00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:53,081 - Charlie! - The second I stood 103 00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:54,350 on that stage, I froze. 104 00:03:54,383 --> 00:03:56,017 And when that guy went at me, I ran. 105 00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,454 That's it, let's go, I'm taking you out. 106 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,255 No. 107 00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:00,156 Fine. 108 00:04:03,127 --> 00:04:04,395 I'm staying here tonight. 109 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:09,033 You are the best. 110 00:04:09,066 --> 00:04:11,403 Yeah, remember that when it's my birthday. 111 00:04:13,138 --> 00:04:15,808 Hey, customer feedback report alert, uh-oh. 112 00:04:15,842 --> 00:04:19,746 And it reads, "The young woman who served me, 113 00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:23,584 "I think her name was Charlene," that would be you, 114 00:04:23,617 --> 00:04:24,752 "Did not smile. 115 00:04:24,785 --> 00:04:26,253 "I mean, is it that hard to smile? 116 00:04:26,286 --> 00:04:27,555 "Is it? Is it? 117 00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:28,456 "Is it?" 118 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:30,525 He actually asks that three times. 119 00:04:32,227 --> 00:04:33,796 I mean, you see, Charlene, 120 00:04:33,829 --> 00:04:38,434 smiling is the key to world-class customer service. 121 00:04:38,467 --> 00:04:39,436 Wouldn't you agree? 122 00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:44,508 Right, so, you think we can see that great smile of yours? 123 00:04:46,477 --> 00:04:48,246 Boom, that's what I'm talking about! 124 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:49,147 Up top! 125 00:04:51,115 --> 00:04:52,551 Boom. 126 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,586 Also, you keep that smile there, by this time next year, 127 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:58,258 you could find yourself shift supervisor, 128 00:04:58,291 --> 00:04:59,159 like Bill over there. 129 00:04:59,192 --> 00:05:00,794 Look at him, look how happy he is. 130 00:05:00,827 --> 00:05:02,195 Bill! 131 00:05:02,228 --> 00:05:03,497 Bill! 132 00:05:03,531 --> 00:05:04,565 Bill. 133 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,503 Ah, he's working, that's, Bill! 134 00:05:08,537 --> 00:05:11,573 Anyways, looks great, looks good. 135 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:24,588 Need a hand? 136 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:26,758 Thank you. 137 00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:33,566 Still gotta do this every month, huh? 138 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:34,467 Yep. 139 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:40,474 Here. 140 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,541 Thanks. 141 00:05:44,579 --> 00:05:47,682 So I brought a present for you. 142 00:05:51,353 --> 00:05:52,221 Okay. 143 00:05:53,355 --> 00:05:54,556 So what if it takes you a little longer 144 00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:55,858 to get to where you wanna be? 145 00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:00,730 There's nothing wrong with having a bit of help. 146 00:06:02,365 --> 00:06:04,168 All right, that looks awesome, Mimi. 147 00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:05,202 - Thank you. - No, you're welcome. 148 00:06:05,236 --> 00:06:06,270 Oh, is that a stegosaurus? 149 00:06:06,303 --> 00:06:07,638 - Mm-hm. - Think it might be. 150 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,474 Good job, guys. 151 00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:10,709 It's so cute. 152 00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:14,714 Come on, now, children, time to get your things together. 153 00:06:16,716 --> 00:06:19,318 We need volunteers for the event if you're free. 154 00:06:19,352 --> 00:06:20,386 - Oh, sure. - I mean, it's nothing 155 00:06:20,419 --> 00:06:21,955 - very exciting, I'm afraid. - Oh, that's okay. 156 00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:24,591 Just projector and PowerPoint kind of stuff. 157 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:25,826 Oh, I'm actually not... 158 00:06:25,859 --> 00:06:27,529 I'll put your name on the list, then. 159 00:06:27,562 --> 00:06:28,796 Thank you so much for today. 160 00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,231 Okay, kids, you ready? 161 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,165 Everybody ready? 162 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,870 Okay, so one person's gonna be playing defense, 163 00:06:34,904 --> 00:06:38,340 facing this way, other person is gonna have the ball, 164 00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:41,411 pivoting, you know, taking the ball away, okay? 165 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,547 Let's see how it goes. 166 00:06:43,580 --> 00:06:44,749 Sis. 167 00:06:44,782 --> 00:06:45,650 Hey. 168 00:06:46,817 --> 00:06:47,785 How's it going? 169 00:06:47,818 --> 00:06:49,320 Good. 170 00:06:49,353 --> 00:06:50,422 How's coaching going? 171 00:06:50,455 --> 00:06:51,356 It's going great. 172 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:52,658 So you're helping out next door? 173 00:06:52,691 --> 00:06:54,960 Yeah, it's been really nice. 174 00:06:54,993 --> 00:06:56,863 Coming to see Mom might be nice. 175 00:06:58,698 --> 00:07:01,534 I can't figure out what to get you for your birthday. 176 00:07:01,568 --> 00:07:02,436 Any ideas? 177 00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:04,772 I was thinking about hiring an artist 178 00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:05,673 to come sketch us all. 179 00:07:05,706 --> 00:07:07,641 You know, one, big, happy... 180 00:07:07,675 --> 00:07:10,478 Maybe you should be doing the comedy. 181 00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:12,847 So how'd the show go? 182 00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:13,748 Great. 183 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,455 You should get back to your team. 184 00:07:19,488 --> 00:07:20,457 I'll see you later. 185 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,393 Charlie. 186 00:07:24,962 --> 00:07:26,664 It'll suck a little less next time. 187 00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:27,565 Okay? 188 00:07:33,772 --> 00:07:36,875 What are you so desperate to show me? 189 00:07:40,013 --> 00:07:42,349 Why do guys do that? 190 00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:43,750 Dicks are ugly. 191 00:07:43,783 --> 00:07:44,986 You've only slept with three guys. 192 00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:46,988 Yeah, and they were ugly dicks. 193 00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:48,356 You think they're ugly? 194 00:07:48,389 --> 00:07:49,523 Well, not most of the time. 195 00:07:49,557 --> 00:07:53,996 Most of the time, they're Gizmo, small, innocent, 196 00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:56,532 but when they get those ideas in their head, 197 00:07:56,566 --> 00:07:58,001 well, that's like feeding Gizmo at midnight, 198 00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,802 and you know what happens then. 199 00:08:01,704 --> 00:08:02,673 Scary Gizmo, 200 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:07,344 ugly, veiny, ready to burst, 201 00:08:07,378 --> 00:08:10,015 but that's the only Gizmo guys wanna send photos of. 202 00:08:11,416 --> 00:08:13,318 Oh, you just ruined my favorite Christmas film. 203 00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,325 What's with this guy? 204 00:08:27,035 --> 00:08:27,902 Weird. 205 00:08:36,745 --> 00:08:37,880 There you go. 206 00:08:38,782 --> 00:08:41,618 Um, we didn't order these. 207 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,585 Your friend's food. 208 00:08:42,619 --> 00:08:43,687 You waved. 209 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,056 He is not my friend. 210 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:45,990 He said he was. 211 00:08:46,023 --> 00:08:47,558 And you just believed him? 212 00:08:47,591 --> 00:08:48,459 You waved. 213 00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:52,397 We're not paying for this. 214 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:54,466 He just walked outta here with four donuts. 215 00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:55,801 Yeah, he did. 216 00:09:24,735 --> 00:09:26,169 We're not paying. 217 00:09:26,204 --> 00:09:28,706 Well, then my boss is gonna take it outta my tips. 218 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:29,974 Let's just pay. 219 00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:31,409 What? 220 00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:32,911 I'll find him and get it back later. 221 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,161 That guy looks familiar. 222 00:09:48,562 --> 00:09:50,832 I think it's the guy that heckled you off. 223 00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:51,733 No. 224 00:10:00,543 --> 00:10:01,778 Any room on Saturday? 225 00:10:01,811 --> 00:10:02,646 We're full. 226 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:03,547 Sorry. 227 00:10:11,556 --> 00:10:12,924 Is that who I think it is? 228 00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:14,125 Depends on who you think it is. 229 00:10:14,159 --> 00:10:15,895 The guy from the other night. 230 00:10:15,928 --> 00:10:17,163 He was a big deal, wasn't he? 231 00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:18,697 Not as big as he should have been. 232 00:10:18,731 --> 00:10:20,500 He turned down all the TV stuff. 233 00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:23,937 Just gigging two or three hundred shows a year. 234 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:27,041 Became sort of a comedy urban legend. 235 00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:28,709 What do you mean? 236 00:10:28,743 --> 00:10:30,945 Well, I was in Chicago once, this club owner said, 237 00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:33,015 "You heard about this guy, Bobby Carpenter? 238 00:10:33,048 --> 00:10:35,751 "Heard he did a thousand shows this year, 239 00:10:35,784 --> 00:10:37,486 "all of them different." 240 00:10:37,519 --> 00:10:38,188 Is that true? 241 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,522 Those numbers? 242 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,857 Every gig unique? 243 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,060 Absolute fucking nonsense. 244 00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:49,600 He did gig a ton, and his material was edgy. 245 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:50,902 There was nothing safe about it. 246 00:10:50,936 --> 00:10:52,170 People were so desperate 247 00:10:52,205 --> 00:10:54,639 to say they'd seen him in the flesh. 248 00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:56,843 I mean, if you knew comedy back then, 249 00:10:56,876 --> 00:10:57,910 you knew Bob Carpenter. 250 00:10:59,579 --> 00:11:01,547 You still shouldn't let him act the way he does in here. 251 00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:02,716 I booted him out! 252 00:11:03,984 --> 00:11:07,721 I'll be ready for him next time, though, just you wait. 253 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,023 Oh! 254 00:11:09,057 --> 00:11:12,093 Just need a little more training, and then... 255 00:11:13,895 --> 00:11:15,097 Nah. 256 00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:15,965 Hey! 257 00:11:15,998 --> 00:11:17,132 Those people are shit! 258 00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:19,302 Anyone that's taken that course has bombed. 259 00:11:19,336 --> 00:11:20,971 Did they at least finish their sets? 260 00:11:21,004 --> 00:11:24,608 You wanna learn how to do stand-up, sit there and watch, 261 00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:26,844 or better yet, get up there and do. 262 00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:29,113 And in between, find someone that's lived 263 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:32,684 and breathed it all, and scrape their brain. 264 00:11:32,718 --> 00:11:34,620 Those people people aren't stand-ups, 265 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,555 they wannabe stand-ups. 266 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,726 Ah. 267 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:40,627 Come with me. 268 00:11:41,661 --> 00:11:42,528 Come on. 269 00:11:55,911 --> 00:11:57,013 Ah, there it is. 270 00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:08,993 A single bound. 271 00:12:09,994 --> 00:12:12,298 Land on his head and walk away unscathed. 272 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,932 Look! 273 00:12:13,965 --> 00:12:17,770 Down on the ground, it's a rat, it's a roach, 274 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,838 it's Tweakerman! 275 00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:21,242 I remember that night. 276 00:12:21,275 --> 00:12:22,809 - Yes, it's Tweakerman. - Just before he went up, 277 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,379 said, "What should I bullshit about tonight?" 278 00:12:25,413 --> 00:12:27,316 Crackheads was the first thing that came to my mind. 279 00:12:27,349 --> 00:12:29,318 And he did it, just like that? 280 00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:30,985 Just like that. 281 00:12:32,187 --> 00:12:35,358 You think he had any formal training or any comedy classes? 282 00:12:36,858 --> 00:12:37,993 He didn't? 283 00:12:38,026 --> 00:12:40,630 No, he'd just come in and he listened, watched. 284 00:12:40,663 --> 00:12:42,031 He always had a notepad. 285 00:12:42,999 --> 00:12:44,168 Always observing. 286 00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,105 Why doesn't he perform anymore? 287 00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:49,006 No. 288 00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,858 I bet you think that's one of the perks, huh? 289 00:13:04,891 --> 00:13:08,297 Came in that night, just went at the crowd. 290 00:13:10,299 --> 00:13:11,132 Huh? 291 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,401 You wanna fuck me now? 292 00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:13,868 Come on, Darryl, come suck... 293 00:13:15,137 --> 00:13:18,107 He threw the mic at a heckler and blinded him in one eye. 294 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:20,143 We were shut down after that. 295 00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:21,678 Shit. 296 00:13:21,711 --> 00:13:23,113 What made him go at the crowd like that? 297 00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:26,083 Oh, he was going through a rough patch. 298 00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:29,020 His wife had left him, took his kid. 299 00:13:29,053 --> 00:13:32,124 So that makes it okay for him to act like an asshole? 300 00:13:32,157 --> 00:13:33,725 No. 301 00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:35,328 But you still let him. 302 00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:38,432 We go back a long way. 303 00:13:38,465 --> 00:13:40,833 What do you want me to do? 304 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:04,995 Excuse me. 305 00:14:07,064 --> 00:14:08,199 Can I borrow your pen? 306 00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:09,234 Sure. 307 00:14:11,236 --> 00:14:13,037 Have you got tickets for the show? 308 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:22,816 Thank you. 309 00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:25,185 She's actually not that bad. 310 00:16:01,364 --> 00:16:04,402 All the duck ponds, in all the parks, in all the world, 311 00:16:05,235 --> 00:16:06,537 she walks into mine. 312 00:16:08,105 --> 00:16:10,242 You owe me 10 bucks. 313 00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:11,610 Mm. 314 00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:13,412 Do you think this is a joke? 315 00:16:13,445 --> 00:16:15,013 So you are familiar with jokes? 316 00:16:15,047 --> 00:16:17,283 - Hm. - I'm being serious. 317 00:16:17,317 --> 00:16:19,017 Call the cops, sweetheart. 318 00:16:19,051 --> 00:16:20,421 It's your word against mine. 319 00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:27,228 Are the puzzles your way of fending off dementia? 320 00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:31,065 Drop 'em off at a thrift store every week. 321 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,569 Buy 'em in the morning, open 'em, 322 00:16:33,603 --> 00:16:35,504 take out a piece, and then donate 'em. 323 00:16:37,072 --> 00:16:37,940 Why? 324 00:16:39,276 --> 00:16:40,644 My little way of giving back. 325 00:16:44,382 --> 00:16:47,418 Anyhoo, this is great, but if you don't mind fucking off, 326 00:16:47,452 --> 00:16:49,152 I like this bench to myself. 327 00:16:49,186 --> 00:16:51,523 I want you to help me put together a set. 328 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:54,125 Wow. 329 00:16:54,158 --> 00:16:56,563 Yeah, I was wrong about you, you're fucking hilarious. 330 00:16:56,596 --> 00:16:57,464 Why not? 331 00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:02,202 Because I've seen this movie a dozen times, sweetheart. 332 00:17:03,404 --> 00:17:05,473 The old mentor always dies right before the end. 333 00:17:08,242 --> 00:17:09,444 So it's a yes, right? 334 00:17:09,478 --> 00:17:13,080 Look, girl, there are two types of people in the world: 335 00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,717 funny people and happy people. 336 00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:16,619 You cannot be both. 337 00:17:16,653 --> 00:17:20,223 Do yourself a favor, go try to be happy. 338 00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:25,696 Hm, what? 339 00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,197 From the girl at the bar. 340 00:17:27,231 --> 00:17:28,700 It's water. 341 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,702 Says it'll sober you up, you can help her out a little. 342 00:17:31,636 --> 00:17:33,272 Could you give her this for me? 343 00:17:43,617 --> 00:17:46,186 What do you think about using props? 344 00:17:46,219 --> 00:17:47,322 I'm trying to take a shit in here, 345 00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:48,423 for Christ's sake! 346 00:17:49,357 --> 00:17:51,225 I'll be waiting right outside. 347 00:17:53,061 --> 00:17:54,062 Bob! 348 00:17:54,095 --> 00:17:55,698 Stop talking to me. 349 00:17:55,731 --> 00:17:57,701 Top three tips for writing a great opening. 350 00:17:57,734 --> 00:17:58,601 Go. 351 00:17:59,569 --> 00:18:02,306 Worst thing you can do in an opening joke? 352 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,242 Jesus, are you all right? 353 00:18:06,277 --> 00:18:08,580 Yeah, just fucking with you. 354 00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:12,351 What we've learned is you do have 355 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:13,618 something beating in there! 356 00:18:14,721 --> 00:18:15,588 Bob! 357 00:18:18,758 --> 00:18:21,662 That girl was in again looking for you earlier. 358 00:18:21,695 --> 00:18:23,697 Oh, you mean my stalker? 359 00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:25,666 Mm, she just wants some advice, Bob. 360 00:18:25,699 --> 00:18:26,601 There's no harm in it. 361 00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:28,168 The only advice I'd give her 362 00:18:28,202 --> 00:18:30,605 is to run a mile from this shithole. 363 00:18:30,638 --> 00:18:31,473 Shame. 364 00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:32,375 She's hungry. 365 00:18:32,408 --> 00:18:34,410 Can't see her giving it up. 366 00:18:37,646 --> 00:18:39,282 Do you want any of this stuff? 367 00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:41,618 The cellar has got 40 years worth of it down there. 368 00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:43,353 Oh, sure, I'll take it all, 369 00:18:44,489 --> 00:18:46,424 reminisce about the good times. 370 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,259 I want another drink. 371 00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:50,596 You can wait. 372 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,431 There are other bars, you know?! 373 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:53,766 Fuck off to one. 374 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,235 One of these days... 375 00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:10,452 Why'd you keep that? 376 00:19:12,253 --> 00:19:14,457 You know, Bob, we've been friends for almost 35 years. 377 00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:15,691 Here we go. 378 00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:17,125 Best man at my wedding. 379 00:19:17,159 --> 00:19:19,161 Yeah, and look how that turned out. 380 00:19:19,194 --> 00:19:20,163 Let me help you. 381 00:19:20,196 --> 00:19:21,432 Jesus, Dennis, you give me this 382 00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:22,733 "let me help you" spiel once a year. 383 00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:24,435 Give it a rest. 384 00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:27,137 You keep drinking like this, you're gonna be dead in two. 385 00:19:27,171 --> 00:19:28,306 You wanna help someone? 386 00:19:28,339 --> 00:19:29,507 Sponsor an orphan. 387 00:19:30,675 --> 00:19:32,845 Just remember, when that first chunk of dirt 388 00:19:32,878 --> 00:19:37,550 hits your casket, this ugly mug will be the only one there. 389 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,320 Well played, Bob. 390 00:20:31,546 --> 00:20:32,882 I'm sorry about the timing. 391 00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:34,783 I missed her birthday. 392 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,285 I thought I'd bring her a... 393 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,319 A gift? 394 00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:38,220 Really? 395 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:42,826 No, Robert, we don't want any gifts. 396 00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:44,629 We don't want your time. 397 00:20:44,662 --> 00:20:47,465 We don't wanna hear where you've been all these years. 398 00:20:47,498 --> 00:20:48,866 We don't want anything. 399 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,335 Sandy... 400 00:20:50,369 --> 00:20:52,738 Well, 20 years of child support? 401 00:20:52,771 --> 00:20:53,839 Maybe I'd accept that. 402 00:21:44,031 --> 00:21:44,899 Hi there. 403 00:21:50,539 --> 00:21:52,774 There are other food groups, you know? 404 00:21:53,775 --> 00:21:55,477 Not very original, is it? 405 00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:57,614 Why couldn't the washed up comic be addicted 406 00:21:57,647 --> 00:22:00,450 to something other than alcohol for once? 407 00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:01,819 Invent a new cliche, like, 408 00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:05,055 ooh, you could be an adrenaline junkie 409 00:22:05,089 --> 00:22:07,558 and try, like, paragliding or bungee jumping, 410 00:22:07,591 --> 00:22:09,628 you know, something really, really dangerous. 411 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,701 Wait. 412 00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:18,771 Did I win this one? 413 00:22:28,016 --> 00:22:30,318 What is it you think you need help with? 414 00:22:33,489 --> 00:22:35,324 How to structure a set. 415 00:22:35,357 --> 00:22:37,092 Like, where to put your best stuff. 416 00:22:37,126 --> 00:22:39,596 How to open, how to close. 417 00:22:39,629 --> 00:22:41,765 How to deal with heckling assholes. 418 00:22:42,832 --> 00:22:43,868 Lots of stuff. 419 00:22:47,004 --> 00:22:48,305 It's gonna cost you. 420 00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:50,776 250 bucks a week. 421 00:22:54,079 --> 00:22:56,416 That's not a problem. 422 00:22:56,449 --> 00:22:57,617 Really? 423 00:22:57,650 --> 00:22:58,685 Really. 424 00:22:58,718 --> 00:23:00,386 Huh. 425 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,089 Guess I picked the wrong line of work. 426 00:23:03,624 --> 00:23:04,625 So? 427 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:12,434 Tomorrow afternoon, 4:00 p.m., Prospect Park, our bench. 428 00:23:13,836 --> 00:23:14,970 See you then. 429 00:23:24,047 --> 00:23:26,718 Have you noticed any change in their appearance? 430 00:23:26,751 --> 00:23:28,553 No. 431 00:23:28,586 --> 00:23:33,592 Well, my mind always thinks there is, but I get paranoid. 432 00:23:35,761 --> 00:23:38,631 The one in the center on the base of your spine, 433 00:23:38,665 --> 00:23:40,133 how long has it looked like this? 434 00:23:41,968 --> 00:23:42,902 I don't... 435 00:23:44,105 --> 00:23:45,973 I thought that might have changed, but... 436 00:23:47,608 --> 00:23:49,711 I'm gonna send you for an excision biopsy. 437 00:23:49,745 --> 00:23:50,645 When? 438 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,080 As soon as possible. 439 00:23:52,114 --> 00:23:53,448 Why? Is it back? 440 00:23:53,482 --> 00:23:54,750 Oh, it's just precaution, Charlene. 441 00:23:56,819 --> 00:23:58,755 We should have results in a week or so. 442 00:24:14,206 --> 00:24:15,407 - How's it going? - Good. 443 00:24:15,441 --> 00:24:18,778 But I can't chat long, the kids are more hyper than normal. 444 00:24:18,811 --> 00:24:21,081 We have a guest speaker coming in to talk about dinosaurs, 445 00:24:21,114 --> 00:24:23,750 and the kids are counting down the days. 446 00:24:23,784 --> 00:24:24,851 That's cool. 447 00:24:24,885 --> 00:24:25,987 Found this last night. 448 00:24:27,922 --> 00:24:29,490 Where'd you find it? 449 00:24:29,524 --> 00:24:30,992 In some old boxes in the attic. 450 00:24:31,025 --> 00:24:33,529 All Dad's best jokes are in that book. 451 00:24:33,562 --> 00:24:34,863 And some of mine. 452 00:24:36,231 --> 00:24:40,637 "What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?" 453 00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:41,871 Jurassic Pork. 454 00:24:44,675 --> 00:24:46,143 Do you remember me and Dad used to perform 455 00:24:46,177 --> 00:24:48,712 for all my stuffed animals? 456 00:24:48,746 --> 00:24:51,149 - Yep. - And then Mom used to rag 457 00:24:51,183 --> 00:24:53,819 on him for filling my head with his pipe dreams. 458 00:24:53,852 --> 00:24:55,721 Come on, they argued. 459 00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:56,789 I get it. 460 00:24:59,725 --> 00:25:00,760 I should get back. 461 00:25:01,829 --> 00:25:02,796 Still on the clock. 462 00:25:04,898 --> 00:25:08,603 Just so you know, it was actually Mom that found the book. 463 00:25:08,636 --> 00:25:10,772 She wanted you to have it. 464 00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:28,793 It's freezing. 465 00:25:28,826 --> 00:25:30,561 Yeah, animals still gotta eat. 466 00:25:34,733 --> 00:25:35,667 No, no, no, no, no. 467 00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:36,835 Don't feed 'em bread. 468 00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:38,137 Why? 469 00:25:38,171 --> 00:25:41,174 Stops them from getting the proper nutrients. 470 00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:43,109 Then they get Angel Wing and they die. 471 00:25:44,812 --> 00:25:46,614 Trust me, it's a thing. 472 00:25:50,652 --> 00:25:53,855 So, what do you think we should start with? 473 00:25:53,889 --> 00:25:56,759 I was thinking we could do structure first. 474 00:25:56,792 --> 00:25:58,895 Like, how to get from one bit to the next? 475 00:25:59,795 --> 00:26:01,163 Why do you wanna do this? 476 00:26:02,733 --> 00:26:04,568 What's wrong with just wanting to make people laugh? 477 00:26:05,370 --> 00:26:06,770 You're lonely, aren't you? 478 00:26:06,803 --> 00:26:07,906 Don't. 479 00:26:07,939 --> 00:26:08,606 That's not why you're here. 480 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,008 There's nothing wrong with me, 481 00:26:10,041 --> 00:26:12,610 I just want you to help me out with a set. 482 00:26:12,644 --> 00:26:13,779 That's it. 483 00:26:13,812 --> 00:26:14,980 Okay. 484 00:26:15,014 --> 00:26:16,015 Let's role play. 485 00:26:18,951 --> 00:26:20,587 Make me laugh. 486 00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:22,122 - What? - Oh, my god! 487 00:26:22,155 --> 00:26:24,658 You're a comic, that's amazing. 488 00:26:24,691 --> 00:26:25,559 Make me laugh. 489 00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:28,696 - I don't... - What, you think this 490 00:26:28,729 --> 00:26:30,197 is easy, doing this? 491 00:26:30,231 --> 00:26:33,168 A comic is judged every 12 seconds of his life. 492 00:26:33,201 --> 00:26:34,036 Her. 493 00:26:34,069 --> 00:26:35,871 Her life, I'm not a man. 494 00:26:35,904 --> 00:26:37,774 You live in a man's world, sweetheart. 495 00:26:37,807 --> 00:26:39,042 Then I'll be sure to ask Santa 496 00:26:39,075 --> 00:26:40,810 to bring me a dick for Christmas. 497 00:26:40,843 --> 00:26:42,712 Ask him for some decent fucking material 498 00:26:42,745 --> 00:26:43,681 while you're at it. 499 00:26:46,884 --> 00:26:48,652 - What? - Make me laugh! 500 00:26:50,889 --> 00:26:54,793 I find men have a really hard time with female hormones. 501 00:26:54,826 --> 00:26:55,661 No. 502 00:26:55,695 --> 00:26:56,363 Go again. 503 00:26:58,898 --> 00:27:00,132 Just started a new diet... 504 00:27:00,166 --> 00:27:01,768 You're not fat. 505 00:27:01,802 --> 00:27:02,736 - What? - So why the fuck 506 00:27:02,769 --> 00:27:04,204 are you on a diet? 507 00:27:04,237 --> 00:27:05,839 - Because... - Because you think that's 508 00:27:05,872 --> 00:27:07,709 what people expect you to talk about? 509 00:27:07,742 --> 00:27:09,811 Diets and PMS? 510 00:27:09,844 --> 00:27:12,146 Safe comedy's about as exciting as safe sex. 511 00:27:12,180 --> 00:27:13,382 Like you can remember. 512 00:27:13,416 --> 00:27:17,387 You have no identity, no voice. 513 00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:20,056 What is it about you that's gonna make people listen? 514 00:27:23,159 --> 00:27:24,428 If I was still in the game, 515 00:27:24,462 --> 00:27:25,930 do you think you and I would be writing 516 00:27:25,963 --> 00:27:27,164 about the same type of shit? 517 00:27:27,198 --> 00:27:28,265 No. 518 00:27:28,299 --> 00:27:29,166 Why not? 519 00:27:30,768 --> 00:27:31,937 Black, white. 520 00:27:31,970 --> 00:27:33,071 Vagina, dick. 521 00:27:33,105 --> 00:27:35,273 - Young, old. - Exactly. 522 00:27:35,307 --> 00:27:36,708 I can't do stuff about being 523 00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,245 pulled over constantly by cops, right? 524 00:27:39,278 --> 00:27:40,947 So you're saying I should write 525 00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:43,984 a set about being a young, black woman? 526 00:27:44,018 --> 00:27:46,186 That is what you are, yes, and that will be part of it, 527 00:27:46,220 --> 00:27:49,023 but you're not the only young, black woman doing comedy. 528 00:27:50,925 --> 00:27:53,194 There was a guy, used to work with him 529 00:27:53,228 --> 00:27:56,732 back in the circuit in the '90s, he only had one leg. 530 00:27:56,766 --> 00:27:58,067 He would fall on stage every night 531 00:27:58,100 --> 00:27:59,802 with a different version of how he lost it, 532 00:27:59,835 --> 00:28:01,070 and he would bring the house down. 533 00:28:01,103 --> 00:28:02,205 Every night, never failed. 534 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:04,307 This guy was so good. 535 00:28:05,842 --> 00:28:08,414 I swear to God, I was jealous of his fucking stump. 536 00:28:09,847 --> 00:28:11,816 Okay, write this down, this is important. 537 00:28:13,952 --> 00:28:16,055 What is unique about you? 538 00:28:17,923 --> 00:28:21,027 What is it that you can say that nobody else can? 539 00:28:22,062 --> 00:28:24,432 Focus on your vulnerabilities, your weaknesses. 540 00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:27,402 Who the fuck are you? 541 00:28:29,336 --> 00:28:32,874 Figure that out, then you can tell them. 542 00:28:34,843 --> 00:28:36,344 What the fuck are you laughing at? 543 00:28:41,017 --> 00:28:43,219 It's expensive living in New York City. 544 00:28:43,252 --> 00:28:46,824 I saw a cardboard box in Central Park with a sign that said, 545 00:28:46,857 --> 00:28:51,029 "Luxury one bed apartment, $2,500 a week." 546 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:52,197 So, obviously, I went for it, 547 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,799 but I'm gonna sublet part of it. 548 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,802 So that's a no to the donating, then? 549 00:28:58,237 --> 00:28:59,105 Yeah. 550 00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:08,950 The best thing about being a 21-year-old living in New York 551 00:29:08,983 --> 00:29:10,151 with no money in the bank 552 00:29:12,086 --> 00:29:14,890 is that I'm immune to credit card fraud. 553 00:29:14,923 --> 00:29:16,925 Can I have my guitar back now, please? 554 00:29:18,461 --> 00:29:21,131 You like making us think we're in control, 555 00:29:21,164 --> 00:29:22,799 but if aliens landed today, 556 00:29:22,832 --> 00:29:25,168 they'd know the real leaders are the ones at home 557 00:29:25,201 --> 00:29:27,004 licking their balls all day 558 00:29:27,037 --> 00:29:29,039 while we're out earning the rent. 559 00:29:31,843 --> 00:29:33,178 Thank you for your honesty. 560 00:29:39,453 --> 00:29:40,953 Good morning. 561 00:29:40,987 --> 00:29:41,888 Hey. 562 00:29:41,921 --> 00:29:42,556 What are you up to? 563 00:29:42,589 --> 00:29:44,224 Scraping brains. 564 00:29:44,258 --> 00:29:45,893 Oh. 565 00:29:45,926 --> 00:29:48,962 Well, fuck me, Dennis, how long have I been gone? 566 00:29:48,996 --> 00:29:49,931 What? 567 00:29:49,964 --> 00:29:50,832 Come here. 568 00:29:55,938 --> 00:29:57,139 Notice anything different? 569 00:29:57,173 --> 00:29:58,941 - No. - No? 570 00:29:58,974 --> 00:29:59,842 Nothing. 571 00:30:02,580 --> 00:30:03,447 How about now? 572 00:30:06,917 --> 00:30:08,085 Want me to sign you up? 573 00:30:10,321 --> 00:30:11,189 Nah. 574 00:30:15,260 --> 00:30:17,963 You need to enter this. 575 00:30:17,996 --> 00:30:19,400 $500? 576 00:30:19,433 --> 00:30:20,568 That's right. 577 00:30:20,601 --> 00:30:21,968 But more importantly, you'd be playing 578 00:30:22,001 --> 00:30:23,903 Eddie's Comedy Club in a few weeks. 579 00:30:23,937 --> 00:30:25,138 Not bad for a rookie. 580 00:30:26,106 --> 00:30:29,176 And if I win, I get one night to open for... 581 00:30:29,210 --> 00:30:30,311 Shit. 582 00:30:30,344 --> 00:30:31,647 Tracy Johnson? 583 00:30:31,681 --> 00:30:32,914 The Tracy Johnson? 584 00:30:32,948 --> 00:30:34,149 - No. - Yes. 585 00:30:34,182 --> 00:30:36,619 I'm never gonna be good enough to win something like this. 586 00:30:36,652 --> 00:30:37,554 Don't worry about winning it. 587 00:30:37,588 --> 00:30:40,323 Winning a contest means shit. 588 00:30:40,356 --> 00:30:43,092 Do you know how many contests I've won over the years? 589 00:30:43,125 --> 00:30:43,695 Me neither. 590 00:30:43,727 --> 00:30:45,195 Lost count. 591 00:30:45,229 --> 00:30:47,130 Let's just worry about getting you back on the stage, huh? 592 00:30:47,164 --> 00:30:49,166 Right. 593 00:30:49,199 --> 00:30:50,068 Okay. 594 00:30:51,403 --> 00:30:52,337 Shit. 595 00:30:52,370 --> 00:30:54,440 Supposed to be at work. 596 00:30:54,473 --> 00:30:57,076 Can we do this tomorrow morning? 597 00:30:57,109 --> 00:30:59,245 Already counting down the minutes. 598 00:30:59,278 --> 00:31:00,212 Money for the first week. 599 00:31:00,246 --> 00:31:01,113 See you later. 600 00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:04,384 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 601 00:31:07,087 --> 00:31:08,457 You're 10 bucks short. 602 00:31:08,490 --> 00:31:09,890 For the donuts. 603 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:22,171 This one slides here, and then here, and then here, 604 00:31:22,205 --> 00:31:25,108 oh, fun fact, this is the exact same method 605 00:31:25,141 --> 00:31:26,944 they used to build the Eiffel tower. 606 00:31:29,714 --> 00:31:31,684 I am, of course, kidding. 607 00:31:31,717 --> 00:31:33,952 And then he goes right there. 608 00:31:33,985 --> 00:31:35,153 C'est magnifique. 609 00:31:37,957 --> 00:31:39,358 - Pete. - Yup? 610 00:31:40,326 --> 00:31:44,164 I was wondering, if there's any available, 611 00:31:44,197 --> 00:31:47,200 if I could get some overtime. 612 00:31:48,802 --> 00:31:49,804 Yes. 613 00:31:51,005 --> 00:31:53,341 Of course, you can get as much as you want. 614 00:31:53,374 --> 00:31:56,312 I wish there were more like you, Charlene. 615 00:31:59,416 --> 00:32:01,752 Oh, I'm so sorry. 616 00:32:01,786 --> 00:32:02,653 Charlene. 617 00:32:05,489 --> 00:32:06,356 Please, can... 618 00:32:20,708 --> 00:32:22,609 Is that supposed to be a bed? 619 00:32:22,643 --> 00:32:25,078 No, it's modern art. 620 00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,247 The Guggenheim made an offer, actually. 621 00:32:27,281 --> 00:32:28,683 Why are you sleeping on the floor? 622 00:32:28,717 --> 00:32:30,719 Because I loved camping as a kid 623 00:32:30,752 --> 00:32:32,187 and it reminds me of that. 624 00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:33,522 I loved climbing trees as a kid, 625 00:32:33,556 --> 00:32:35,624 but I don't live in a fucking tree house. 626 00:32:37,461 --> 00:32:39,095 Huh. 627 00:32:39,128 --> 00:32:40,630 I opened for him in '91. 628 00:32:42,298 --> 00:32:43,300 He's a hell of a writer. 629 00:32:44,736 --> 00:32:47,404 Dennis said you were the best in the city back then. 630 00:32:47,438 --> 00:32:48,639 That was Dennis's opinion. 631 00:32:50,241 --> 00:32:53,277 He also showed me the tape of your last gig. 632 00:32:55,347 --> 00:32:56,449 Well, he shouldn't have. 633 00:32:57,349 --> 00:32:58,685 What happened? 634 00:33:02,255 --> 00:33:03,356 Did your old man ever teach you 635 00:33:03,390 --> 00:33:04,324 how to change a light bulb? 636 00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:06,393 There's something wrong with the switch. 637 00:33:07,596 --> 00:33:10,131 Dennis said your wife left you and... 638 00:33:10,164 --> 00:33:13,268 And what the fuck does that have to do with you? 639 00:33:13,301 --> 00:33:15,170 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... 640 00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:17,339 It's fine. 641 00:33:19,208 --> 00:33:22,078 Look, being a comic, on the road 300 nights a year, 642 00:33:22,111 --> 00:33:24,347 back and forth across the country, 643 00:33:24,380 --> 00:33:26,651 it's a lousy way to lead a normal life. 644 00:33:28,218 --> 00:33:29,421 So if you're thinking you're gonna meet Mr. Right, 645 00:33:29,454 --> 00:33:32,625 settle down, and become a comedian, forget it, 646 00:33:32,658 --> 00:33:34,359 you're gonna have to pick one. 647 00:33:34,392 --> 00:33:39,198 Now, we need to get you ready for this, 648 00:33:39,231 --> 00:33:42,401 so tonight at Yuk Yuk's, there is an open mic. 649 00:33:42,436 --> 00:33:43,704 Every comic is allowed three minutes. 650 00:33:43,738 --> 00:33:45,473 You think you can manage that? 651 00:33:45,506 --> 00:33:47,107 I've been working on a bit. 652 00:33:47,140 --> 00:33:48,408 Great. 653 00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:49,310 See you later. 654 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:51,345 Are you leaving? 655 00:33:51,379 --> 00:33:52,514 You just got here. 656 00:33:52,548 --> 00:33:53,749 I'm gonna need a tetanus shot 657 00:33:53,782 --> 00:33:56,385 if I stay in this shithole any longer. 658 00:33:56,419 --> 00:33:58,455 Just drop by the Hyena tomorrow morning. 659 00:33:58,488 --> 00:33:59,622 Let me know how it goes. 660 00:33:59,656 --> 00:34:02,460 Wait, you're not coming tonight? 661 00:34:02,493 --> 00:34:04,360 Not to the first one. 662 00:34:04,394 --> 00:34:06,630 The temptation to heckle will be too great. 663 00:34:06,664 --> 00:34:09,233 Who here works for a living? 664 00:34:12,102 --> 00:34:13,739 You ever think about how 665 00:34:13,773 --> 00:34:15,641 we're the dominant species on the planet, 666 00:34:15,675 --> 00:34:18,076 but we're actually the only ones paying to be here? 667 00:34:19,646 --> 00:34:22,783 I mean, you literally cannot exist on Earth for free. 668 00:34:24,618 --> 00:34:27,622 Unfortunately, space is also really fucking expensive. 669 00:34:28,556 --> 00:34:31,560 And you thought, like, New York City rents were outrageous, 670 00:34:32,428 --> 00:34:36,832 I would volunteer to be a test subject for NASA 671 00:34:36,866 --> 00:34:39,335 if I knew I would never have to pay another bill 672 00:34:39,368 --> 00:34:40,570 or look at my boss's face again. 673 00:34:40,604 --> 00:34:43,708 You could just catapult me into the sun, right? 674 00:34:43,741 --> 00:34:46,677 Yeah, you'd be doing me a favor, seriously. 675 00:34:46,711 --> 00:34:49,448 I mean, I working for minimum wage right now 676 00:34:49,481 --> 00:34:52,518 and I gotta tell you, it's such a rush 677 00:34:52,551 --> 00:34:54,520 at the end of the night when you're calculating 678 00:34:54,553 --> 00:34:58,658 exactly how many hours you've drank away on your life 679 00:34:58,691 --> 00:35:01,427 when you're paying your bar tab at the end of the night. 680 00:35:02,596 --> 00:35:04,532 All right, thank you very much. 681 00:35:04,565 --> 00:35:05,766 You guys have been great. 682 00:35:05,799 --> 00:35:06,800 Have a good night. 683 00:35:06,834 --> 00:35:09,704 Bye-bye. 684 00:35:10,972 --> 00:35:13,375 All right, kiddo, you're up. 685 00:35:32,031 --> 00:35:33,431 So? 686 00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:35,534 How'd that first step back on the stage feel? 687 00:35:35,568 --> 00:35:37,537 Someone did my bit right before I went up. 688 00:35:37,571 --> 00:35:38,538 And? 689 00:35:38,572 --> 00:35:39,739 And I had nothing else, 690 00:35:39,773 --> 00:35:42,274 and I just waffled through my entire set. 691 00:35:42,308 --> 00:35:43,511 What bit did he do? 692 00:35:43,544 --> 00:35:45,913 Some bit on being broke and shitty jobs. 693 00:35:45,947 --> 00:35:48,883 Girl, you're at an open mic night with a bunch of comics. 694 00:35:48,916 --> 00:35:51,620 Everybody's broke and everybody's got a bit on it. 695 00:35:52,888 --> 00:35:55,458 Best thing about being a comic is I don't have a boss. 696 00:35:55,491 --> 00:35:57,760 I can come into work late, blackout drunk, 697 00:35:57,794 --> 00:35:59,562 with a gerbil's tail hanging outta my ass, 698 00:35:59,596 --> 00:36:01,031 and nobody can say shit. 699 00:36:01,065 --> 00:36:02,600 I'm sorry, that was inappropriate, 700 00:36:02,633 --> 00:36:03,901 and, of course, it's not true. 701 00:36:03,934 --> 00:36:05,836 I never come to work late. 702 00:36:05,869 --> 00:36:07,472 Being your own boss sounds great 703 00:36:07,505 --> 00:36:09,808 until you realize you can't give yourself a raise. 704 00:36:09,841 --> 00:36:11,576 My Christmas bonus to myself this year 705 00:36:11,610 --> 00:36:13,813 was a drink ticket I happened to find in my pocket. 706 00:36:13,846 --> 00:36:14,947 Next year, I'm hoping to find a pack 707 00:36:14,981 --> 00:36:16,381 of cigarettes on the ground, 708 00:36:16,414 --> 00:36:18,551 you know, something I can give my kid. 709 00:36:18,584 --> 00:36:20,353 You know who else is their own boss? 710 00:36:20,386 --> 00:36:22,589 Six-year-old girls with lemonade stands. 711 00:36:22,623 --> 00:36:24,891 We make about the same yearly income. 712 00:36:24,925 --> 00:36:26,961 There you go, little bit on me 713 00:36:26,995 --> 00:36:28,730 being broke from way back when. 714 00:36:28,763 --> 00:36:31,634 And still not funny! 715 00:36:31,667 --> 00:36:33,569 I thought I told you to wait in the car. 716 00:36:34,670 --> 00:36:36,572 That's how you deal with hecklers. 717 00:36:36,605 --> 00:36:38,440 Now, write this down, it's important. 718 00:36:39,542 --> 00:36:41,578 Parallel writing happens all the time, 719 00:36:42,712 --> 00:36:45,415 so you're gonna have to learn to improvise. 720 00:36:45,449 --> 00:36:47,317 If it really is too similar to yours, 721 00:36:47,350 --> 00:36:49,521 make sure you have something you can fall back on. 722 00:36:49,554 --> 00:36:50,956 I had nothing else. 723 00:36:52,390 --> 00:36:53,058 Really? 724 00:36:54,425 --> 00:36:56,361 What'd you do yesterday morning? 725 00:36:56,395 --> 00:36:57,630 I got up. 726 00:36:57,664 --> 00:36:59,032 Was it funny? 727 00:36:59,065 --> 00:37:00,833 - No. - Then what did you do? 728 00:37:00,867 --> 00:37:02,102 I brushed my teeth. 729 00:37:02,136 --> 00:37:03,537 - Was it funny? - No. 730 00:37:03,570 --> 00:37:05,072 - Then what did you do? - I cooked breakfast. 731 00:37:05,105 --> 00:37:06,006 Was that funny? 732 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,441 It was a riot. 733 00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:08,843 The eggs did a musical number for the sausages. 734 00:37:08,877 --> 00:37:10,578 Hey, do you wanna be a stand-up? 735 00:37:10,612 --> 00:37:11,880 - Yes. - Then find the funny 736 00:37:11,913 --> 00:37:13,616 in the mundane, the everyday. 737 00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:15,751 It's there, all around you, waiting to be mined, 738 00:37:15,785 --> 00:37:17,352 but you gotta dig for it. 739 00:37:18,989 --> 00:37:20,724 Tomorrow, what are you doing? 740 00:37:20,757 --> 00:37:23,126 I'm working and then I'm giving blood. 741 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,861 Okay, everything you do tomorrow, 742 00:37:24,896 --> 00:37:27,732 everything you see, I want you to find the funny in it. 743 00:37:27,765 --> 00:37:28,700 Everything. 744 00:37:28,733 --> 00:37:30,668 Then get your ass to an open mic night, 745 00:37:30,702 --> 00:37:33,572 and tell the audience how goddamn funny your day was. 746 00:37:33,605 --> 00:37:34,740 Thus ends the lesson. 747 00:37:37,409 --> 00:37:38,078 You can go now. 748 00:37:39,679 --> 00:37:42,549 Me and the wife like our alone time in the morning. 749 00:37:42,582 --> 00:37:43,450 Okay. 750 00:37:48,756 --> 00:37:49,624 You like her. 751 00:37:51,193 --> 00:37:52,661 You think I like you. 752 00:37:52,694 --> 00:37:54,563 What the fuck do you know? 753 00:38:29,637 --> 00:38:30,805 Charlene? 754 00:38:30,839 --> 00:38:31,974 Charlene Murray. 755 00:38:32,875 --> 00:38:34,810 Oh, my god, it is you. 756 00:38:34,843 --> 00:38:35,811 Hey, Sam. 757 00:38:35,844 --> 00:38:37,680 I prefer Samantha. 758 00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:38,815 Right. 759 00:38:38,848 --> 00:38:40,817 Wow, you look great. 760 00:38:41,751 --> 00:38:42,786 Did you put on some weight? 761 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,722 You're carrying it so well. 762 00:38:44,755 --> 00:38:46,490 No more gaunt face. 763 00:38:46,524 --> 00:38:48,692 It is so good to see you. 764 00:38:48,726 --> 00:38:50,562 What, last time, I guess, was prom, right? 765 00:38:50,595 --> 00:38:51,630 Didn't go to prom. 766 00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:52,831 Oh, yeah, no. 767 00:38:52,864 --> 00:38:54,132 Of course. 768 00:38:54,166 --> 00:38:55,601 Well, how are you, anyway? 769 00:38:55,635 --> 00:38:57,136 Oh, who are you with? 770 00:38:57,170 --> 00:39:00,740 So I have this picture of my boyfriend with me. 771 00:39:00,773 --> 00:39:02,042 Hot, right? 772 00:39:02,075 --> 00:39:03,744 Like, way hotter than me? 773 00:39:05,045 --> 00:39:06,747 It's okay, you can say it. 774 00:39:06,780 --> 00:39:08,850 I brought it with me to prove to anyone 775 00:39:08,883 --> 00:39:10,585 who's struggling with their love life 776 00:39:10,618 --> 00:39:12,822 that if you have a great personality 777 00:39:12,855 --> 00:39:14,657 and you put yourself out there, 778 00:39:14,690 --> 00:39:17,960 you can always cut a picture of a hot guy out of a magazine 779 00:39:17,993 --> 00:39:20,630 and people will believe he's your boyfriend. 780 00:39:20,664 --> 00:39:24,234 My last real boyfriend was way too scared of intimacy. 781 00:39:24,267 --> 00:39:26,737 Every time I said "I love you," 782 00:39:26,771 --> 00:39:29,941 he'd say, "Who are you, and how'd you get into my house?" 783 00:39:31,543 --> 00:39:34,580 I saw on the news that Hurricane Doris 784 00:39:34,613 --> 00:39:36,783 is closing in off the coast of Florida, 785 00:39:36,816 --> 00:39:38,685 which is weird because usually 786 00:39:38,718 --> 00:39:40,620 my mom calls before she visits. 787 00:39:43,257 --> 00:39:46,861 I am terrified of having kids. 788 00:39:46,894 --> 00:39:50,232 My coworker showed me a 3D ultrasound photo of her baby, 789 00:39:50,265 --> 00:39:51,733 and it looked like it was on its way 790 00:39:51,766 --> 00:39:53,835 to ring the bells of Notre Dame. 791 00:39:57,306 --> 00:39:58,541 What are you doing? 792 00:39:59,842 --> 00:40:02,145 Tell you what I'm not doing, 793 00:40:02,179 --> 00:40:04,915 breathing in black mold and getting emphysema. 794 00:40:07,252 --> 00:40:08,953 You get some laughs? 795 00:40:08,987 --> 00:40:10,221 Barely. 796 00:40:10,255 --> 00:40:12,724 I don't have 20 seconds, let alone three minutes. 797 00:40:12,758 --> 00:40:14,226 Yeah, but it got you writing more. 798 00:40:14,260 --> 00:40:16,595 Yeah, I guess. 799 00:40:16,629 --> 00:40:17,863 So give me the bit you did. 800 00:40:17,897 --> 00:40:20,901 It was just a bit on women who insist on showing everyone 801 00:40:20,934 --> 00:40:23,203 an ultrasound of their babies. 802 00:40:23,236 --> 00:40:24,104 It wasn't funny. 803 00:40:25,072 --> 00:40:26,707 Then why did you say it? 804 00:40:26,741 --> 00:40:28,576 Because, I wanted to make the point 805 00:40:28,609 --> 00:40:30,645 that while I criticize most guys 806 00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:33,081 for sending dick picks to anyone with eyes, 807 00:40:33,115 --> 00:40:34,783 that this is no different. 808 00:40:34,816 --> 00:40:36,719 I mean, these women think they're just showing off 809 00:40:36,753 --> 00:40:37,787 a picture of their baby, 810 00:40:37,820 --> 00:40:39,889 but what they're actually doing is flashing 811 00:40:39,923 --> 00:40:42,826 an up close and personal 3D picture of their vagina. 812 00:40:45,963 --> 00:40:47,231 What's wrong with that? 813 00:40:48,967 --> 00:40:52,370 That was actually funnier than the bit I did last night. 814 00:40:52,404 --> 00:40:55,141 Writing is rewriting. 815 00:40:55,174 --> 00:40:57,610 It may take you a hundred gigs to get the bit right, 816 00:40:57,643 --> 00:40:58,945 but that's okay. 817 00:40:58,978 --> 00:41:02,049 Oh, by the way, I booked you a spot tonight too. 818 00:41:02,082 --> 00:41:04,685 - What, but I... - Ah, ah, ah, ah, easy. 819 00:41:04,718 --> 00:41:05,585 Breathe. 820 00:41:08,957 --> 00:41:11,926 Okay, let's assess your first performance. 821 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,696 Why do you think you bombed? 822 00:41:13,729 --> 00:41:16,031 'Cause some asshole heckled me off stage? 823 00:41:16,065 --> 00:41:17,066 Apart from that. 824 00:41:18,667 --> 00:41:19,769 I don't know. 825 00:41:19,803 --> 00:41:20,904 Okay. 826 00:41:20,937 --> 00:41:22,672 What's the most important joke of a set? 827 00:41:22,706 --> 00:41:23,873 The last one. 828 00:41:23,907 --> 00:41:25,109 Your last joke doesn't do you much good 829 00:41:25,142 --> 00:41:27,345 if nobody sticks around until the end. 830 00:41:27,378 --> 00:41:28,579 Your first? 831 00:41:28,612 --> 00:41:33,018 Bingo, which is why you don't wanna get up on stage, 832 00:41:33,051 --> 00:41:34,987 ask how everybody's doing, and then claim the audience 833 00:41:35,020 --> 00:41:37,190 has lost their voice when they don't respond. 834 00:41:37,223 --> 00:41:39,993 And for God's sake, if some asshole harasses you, 835 00:41:40,026 --> 00:41:42,295 stand your ground, use it as a way 836 00:41:42,328 --> 00:41:43,831 to win the audience early. 837 00:41:44,732 --> 00:41:45,966 Capisce? 838 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,401 Capisce. 839 00:41:47,434 --> 00:41:50,171 All right, so are we having a good time, everyone?! 840 00:41:50,205 --> 00:41:51,272 Yes! 841 00:41:51,306 --> 00:41:52,240 You are, are you? 842 00:41:52,273 --> 00:41:53,274 Wait till you get the bill. 843 00:41:54,777 --> 00:41:56,245 Okay, enough of me and my bad jokes. 844 00:41:56,278 --> 00:41:57,780 Let's go on with the laughter. 845 00:41:57,813 --> 00:41:58,914 Ladies and gentlemen, 846 00:41:58,948 --> 00:42:02,052 please put your hands together for Charlie Murray! 847 00:42:02,085 --> 00:42:03,720 Someone heckles you, 848 00:42:03,754 --> 00:42:05,722 for God's sake, shut him down. 849 00:42:05,756 --> 00:42:07,091 Another fucking chick? 850 00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:08,993 Problem? 851 00:42:12,096 --> 00:42:13,999 It's okay, you can say it. 852 00:42:14,033 --> 00:42:17,002 No offense, I just think women suck at comedy. 853 00:42:19,039 --> 00:42:21,441 And I think that if your dick was as big as your mouth, 854 00:42:21,474 --> 00:42:22,876 you'd have a date tonight. 855 00:42:28,049 --> 00:42:30,251 Let 'em know you're worth sticking around for. 856 00:42:30,284 --> 00:42:32,054 So for the last year, 857 00:42:32,087 --> 00:42:34,022 I've been trying to be a better person. 858 00:42:34,056 --> 00:42:35,891 And one of the ways I thought I could do that 859 00:42:35,924 --> 00:42:37,493 is by donating blood. 860 00:42:37,528 --> 00:42:38,961 Has anyone here ever donated? 861 00:42:40,997 --> 00:42:42,098 Good for you, that's your blood. 862 00:42:42,131 --> 00:42:43,333 Fuck sharing. 863 00:42:43,367 --> 00:42:44,902 And remember, during your setup, 864 00:42:44,935 --> 00:42:46,904 make sure the audience can relate to you. 865 00:42:46,937 --> 00:42:48,305 Make it personal for them. 866 00:42:48,338 --> 00:42:49,808 Build common ground. 867 00:42:49,841 --> 00:42:51,109 Well, I'm telling you now, 868 00:42:51,142 --> 00:42:53,044 everyone in here should be donating blood. 869 00:42:53,078 --> 00:42:54,045 It's a great thing, 870 00:42:54,079 --> 00:42:57,049 and I believe it can make a huge difference 871 00:42:57,083 --> 00:42:58,451 in allowing you to be smug 872 00:42:58,484 --> 00:43:00,186 and remind those around you that you're nicer 873 00:43:00,219 --> 00:43:01,221 and better than them. 874 00:43:02,557 --> 00:43:05,992 I even have this sticker as a visual reminder. 875 00:43:06,026 --> 00:43:07,862 You can actually get hold of one of these 876 00:43:07,895 --> 00:43:09,030 without even giving blood, 877 00:43:09,063 --> 00:43:11,399 so if you have a busy schedule, don't have the time... 878 00:43:13,469 --> 00:43:16,472 I have a stash of these in my purse if anyone needs one. 879 00:43:16,505 --> 00:43:18,975 Try to take 'em so far in one direction, 880 00:43:19,008 --> 00:43:22,011 that when you reverse it, they never see it coming. 881 00:43:22,045 --> 00:43:23,313 Giving blood can get you out of 882 00:43:23,346 --> 00:43:25,349 all kinds of annoying situations. 883 00:43:25,382 --> 00:43:29,854 Take, for example, those terrible, inconsiderate people, 884 00:43:31,524 --> 00:43:33,792 oh, yeah, charity workers. 885 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:35,760 We do what we can to avoid them. 886 00:43:35,794 --> 00:43:39,999 We keep our earphones in or pretend we don't speak English. 887 00:43:40,032 --> 00:43:43,237 And if you can make it visual, great. 888 00:43:43,270 --> 00:43:46,140 We pretend we're deaf, but our sign language is. 889 00:43:49,944 --> 00:43:51,880 Well, we don't know sign language, do we? 890 00:43:51,913 --> 00:43:55,384 But you don't need any of that when you have this. 891 00:43:55,417 --> 00:43:57,119 Stay in that zone. 892 00:43:57,153 --> 00:43:58,454 Keep the energy flowing. 893 00:43:58,487 --> 00:44:00,055 Emphasize words. 894 00:44:00,089 --> 00:44:00,957 Repeat. 895 00:44:00,991 --> 00:44:03,226 Wait, you want me to donate money? 896 00:44:03,260 --> 00:44:06,029 Oh, I see, you're one of those people. 897 00:44:06,062 --> 00:44:09,568 Well, as you can see, I only donate blood. 898 00:44:09,601 --> 00:44:11,402 You know, blood, that stuff you need 899 00:44:11,435 --> 00:44:14,039 to survive or you'll die? 900 00:44:14,072 --> 00:44:15,908 That's right, you'll die. 901 00:44:15,941 --> 00:44:18,143 Like, dead, gone, forever. 902 00:44:18,177 --> 00:44:20,480 And I just give it away, for free, just like that. 903 00:44:22,015 --> 00:44:25,186 Can't transfuse money, folks. 904 00:44:25,219 --> 00:44:26,387 Thanks. That's my time. 905 00:44:31,026 --> 00:44:31,893 Well? 906 00:44:35,263 --> 00:44:36,131 Come on. 907 00:44:38,234 --> 00:44:39,969 It was okay, yeah. 908 00:44:40,002 --> 00:44:42,238 And if you had one criticism? 909 00:44:42,271 --> 00:44:43,541 I'm only allowed one? 910 00:44:43,575 --> 00:44:44,441 Uh. 911 00:44:46,143 --> 00:44:48,245 Okay, I'm listening. 912 00:44:49,447 --> 00:44:52,350 Don't trap yourself behind the mic stand. 913 00:44:52,383 --> 00:44:54,085 You're hanging on to it like it's a lifeline. 914 00:44:54,118 --> 00:44:56,455 It's not gonna save you from drowning up there. 915 00:44:56,488 --> 00:44:58,257 Use the stage. 916 00:44:59,191 --> 00:45:00,226 Own it. 917 00:45:01,361 --> 00:45:03,964 There was a lot of potential with what you just did. 918 00:45:05,098 --> 00:45:06,266 Now, it's time to enjoy it. 919 00:45:07,435 --> 00:45:09,136 This is supposed to be fun, right? 920 00:45:10,471 --> 00:45:12,306 - Right. - Right. 921 00:45:13,508 --> 00:45:16,111 Don't shy away from the physical stuff. 922 00:45:16,144 --> 00:45:17,346 People love slapstick. 923 00:45:17,379 --> 00:45:19,449 You watch Richard Pryor or Robin Williams 924 00:45:19,482 --> 00:45:22,051 with the sound down, still funny. 925 00:45:24,287 --> 00:45:26,323 Comedy is more than just words. 926 00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:30,227 But you did good. 927 00:45:32,732 --> 00:45:35,668 Nice burn on Mr. College over there. 928 00:45:35,701 --> 00:45:36,536 Thanks. 929 00:45:57,426 --> 00:45:58,360 Charlene. 930 00:46:00,062 --> 00:46:01,164 I'm here for Daniel. 931 00:46:02,566 --> 00:46:03,433 Come in. 932 00:46:11,342 --> 00:46:12,679 It's so good to see you. 933 00:46:15,113 --> 00:46:17,382 Your annual checkup was just due, right? 934 00:46:17,416 --> 00:46:20,587 I'm sorry, I have the dates written down. 935 00:46:20,621 --> 00:46:22,656 I wanted to call you myself and ask, but... 936 00:46:22,690 --> 00:46:24,992 I wouldn't have answered. 937 00:46:25,025 --> 00:46:27,294 And I couldn't deal with that again, 938 00:46:27,328 --> 00:46:29,496 another door in the face or another... 939 00:46:29,530 --> 00:46:32,200 What does that have to do with anything? 940 00:46:32,233 --> 00:46:36,171 I need you to understand why I stopped trying to mend us, 941 00:46:36,204 --> 00:46:38,207 and how hard these past two years have been 942 00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:39,442 since you cut me out. 943 00:46:39,475 --> 00:46:43,013 I found out you cheated on my dad. 944 00:46:43,046 --> 00:46:44,749 How did you expect me to react? 945 00:46:45,616 --> 00:46:47,250 What do you want me to say? 946 00:46:47,284 --> 00:46:49,153 Your father and I, we drifted apart. 947 00:46:49,187 --> 00:46:50,254 I fell in love with another man. 948 00:46:50,288 --> 00:46:52,725 I am sorry, but it happens. 949 00:46:52,758 --> 00:46:54,325 Well, it shouldn't. 950 00:46:54,359 --> 00:46:57,262 Please, Charlene, I just want you back in my life. 951 00:46:57,296 --> 00:47:00,332 Like I said, I'm here for Daniel. 952 00:47:01,501 --> 00:47:02,535 Mm. 953 00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:05,171 Well, go join the party. 954 00:47:05,205 --> 00:47:07,174 I mean, everyone's in the basement, so. 955 00:47:19,288 --> 00:47:21,357 Okay. 956 00:47:21,391 --> 00:47:22,693 Is it funny? 957 00:47:22,726 --> 00:47:24,260 Hilarious. 958 00:47:24,293 --> 00:47:25,396 I got takeout. 959 00:47:25,429 --> 00:47:27,064 Please don't buy me food. 960 00:47:27,732 --> 00:47:29,299 It's not for you. 961 00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:31,436 How are things with you, anyway? 962 00:47:31,469 --> 00:47:33,104 Dave still being weird? 963 00:47:33,138 --> 00:47:35,574 Dave wants us to film ourselves. 964 00:47:35,608 --> 00:47:37,410 That's nice? 965 00:47:37,443 --> 00:47:38,612 No. 966 00:47:38,645 --> 00:47:40,546 I'm not famous enough to have a sex tape yet. 967 00:47:40,580 --> 00:47:42,449 But it's good to have career goals. 968 00:47:44,251 --> 00:47:45,419 What is this? 969 00:47:45,452 --> 00:47:48,690 It's my LA yogi bit. 970 00:47:51,492 --> 00:47:52,460 Nice. 971 00:47:53,729 --> 00:47:55,865 People love physical comedy. 972 00:47:55,899 --> 00:47:57,700 It's about more than just the words. 973 00:47:59,301 --> 00:48:00,537 He tell you that? 974 00:48:00,571 --> 00:48:02,272 Yeah. 975 00:48:02,305 --> 00:48:03,707 There must be a thousand other comics in this city, 976 00:48:03,741 --> 00:48:05,241 I don't know why you asked him for help. 977 00:48:05,275 --> 00:48:07,646 He's not as big of a jerk as he pretends to be. 978 00:48:07,679 --> 00:48:09,213 Hm. 979 00:48:09,246 --> 00:48:10,147 What? 980 00:48:11,449 --> 00:48:12,451 I know you miss your dad... 981 00:48:12,484 --> 00:48:14,386 That's not what this is about. 982 00:48:15,420 --> 00:48:16,589 Okay. 983 00:48:16,622 --> 00:48:18,892 Well, I'll leave you to your research, then. 984 00:48:18,926 --> 00:48:19,793 Kim. 985 00:48:25,466 --> 00:48:26,333 I think, 986 00:48:27,569 --> 00:48:28,770 I think maybe, 987 00:48:30,371 --> 00:48:32,207 maybe you should do the tape. 988 00:48:33,475 --> 00:48:34,877 There's porn awards these 989 00:48:34,910 --> 00:48:36,110 days. You could win a Porny. 990 00:48:36,746 --> 00:48:38,180 Okay. 991 00:48:38,214 --> 00:48:38,882 Bye. 992 00:48:40,516 --> 00:48:41,751 And the brachiosaurus was the tallest 993 00:48:41,785 --> 00:48:44,387 of all the dinosaurs in the Jurassic period. 994 00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:48,392 It was as tall as 995 00:48:49,895 --> 00:48:51,830 four school buses. 996 00:48:51,864 --> 00:48:53,164 Next slide, please. 997 00:48:56,636 --> 00:48:57,904 Hm? 998 00:49:00,975 --> 00:49:02,442 What have you done? 999 00:49:02,475 --> 00:49:04,410 I don't know. 1000 00:49:04,444 --> 00:49:05,846 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1001 00:49:07,381 --> 00:49:08,249 It's dead. 1002 00:49:10,251 --> 00:49:15,190 You mean, extinct, kinda like the dinosaurs. 1003 00:49:15,591 --> 00:49:16,759 Appropriate, no? 1004 00:49:19,663 --> 00:49:22,599 - I'm so sorry. - Does anyone here have kids? 1005 00:49:24,501 --> 00:49:28,706 Why?! 1006 00:49:28,740 --> 00:49:31,610 Was it really a meteorite that killed the dinosaurs? 1007 00:49:33,612 --> 00:49:35,113 Roar. 1008 00:49:36,214 --> 00:49:38,083 I'm just saying, it could have been a bunch 1009 00:49:38,117 --> 00:49:39,318 of critical eight-year-olds 1010 00:49:39,351 --> 00:49:41,688 because they're fucking terrifying. 1011 00:49:41,721 --> 00:49:43,991 That's not what a T-Rex looks like. 1012 00:50:01,244 --> 00:50:03,047 I'll be honest, I haven't spent 1013 00:50:03,079 --> 00:50:04,014 much time around dinosaurs, 1014 00:50:04,048 --> 00:50:06,149 and so that impression was pretty shitty, 1015 00:50:06,182 --> 00:50:07,719 and it did not go unnoticed. 1016 00:50:09,654 --> 00:50:11,555 I gotta say, I really feel for the T-Rex 1017 00:50:11,590 --> 00:50:13,759 that's not so good with the ladies 1018 00:50:13,793 --> 00:50:17,763 because masturbation is clearly not an option. 1019 00:50:25,572 --> 00:50:26,808 I would just like to point out 1020 00:50:26,841 --> 00:50:28,776 I did not do that bit for the kids. 1021 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:32,047 Thank you so much, guys. 1022 00:50:32,081 --> 00:50:33,281 You've been awesome. 1023 00:50:34,950 --> 00:50:38,655 It was a heart attack, but it was painless. 1024 00:50:38,688 --> 00:50:39,889 Pain-free? 1025 00:50:39,923 --> 00:50:41,591 No. 1026 00:50:41,625 --> 00:50:48,800 It was painless and fast? 1027 00:50:49,500 --> 00:50:50,368 No. 1028 00:50:51,603 --> 00:50:54,439 The doctor said it was quick, which is good thing, right, 1029 00:50:54,473 --> 00:50:56,375 which is amazing, apparently. 1030 00:50:57,509 --> 00:50:58,543 Hello? 1031 00:50:58,577 --> 00:50:59,779 You're supposed to be helping me. 1032 00:51:00,881 --> 00:51:02,448 Sorry, I'm just... 1033 00:51:04,652 --> 00:51:06,420 Are you sure you wanna go there? 1034 00:51:08,589 --> 00:51:09,991 I think he'd appreciate it. 1035 00:51:14,462 --> 00:51:15,965 But I didn't wanna hear it was quick 1036 00:51:15,998 --> 00:51:18,567 'cause that sounds too much like quitting. 1037 00:51:19,803 --> 00:51:21,605 No, it's... 1038 00:51:25,610 --> 00:51:28,378 That's... that's some weak-ass bullshit. 1039 00:51:28,412 --> 00:51:31,050 I mean, man up, show some fight. 1040 00:51:35,621 --> 00:51:36,656 Hello? 1041 00:51:37,724 --> 00:51:38,625 This is Charlene. 1042 00:51:41,061 --> 00:51:41,928 Really? 1043 00:51:44,665 --> 00:51:45,866 Can't I get them any sooner? 1044 00:51:49,771 --> 00:51:50,639 Okay. 1045 00:51:52,674 --> 00:51:53,541 Yeah. 1046 00:51:56,012 --> 00:51:56,913 I'll see you then. 1047 00:52:01,484 --> 00:52:02,585 Biopsy results? 1048 00:52:04,420 --> 00:52:06,157 I can't get them till next week. 1049 00:52:06,191 --> 00:52:07,458 It'll be fine. 1050 00:52:08,727 --> 00:52:09,761 I hate the waiting. 1051 00:52:11,062 --> 00:52:13,398 I'm so fucking paranoid. 1052 00:52:21,641 --> 00:52:24,010 This used to be a perfectly respectable greasy spoon, 1053 00:52:24,044 --> 00:52:24,912 now look at it. 1054 00:52:27,014 --> 00:52:28,750 Fucking gentrification, huh? 1055 00:52:32,921 --> 00:52:34,156 The hell's the matter with you? 1056 00:52:35,758 --> 00:52:36,626 Nothing. 1057 00:52:40,230 --> 00:52:42,133 Go on, cancer, you know you want to. 1058 00:52:47,270 --> 00:52:49,440 Jerry Garcia's idiot brother. 1059 00:52:52,376 --> 00:52:56,149 Thailand, so bad, young women will actually 1060 00:52:56,182 --> 00:52:57,850 fuck a corpse to get out. 1061 00:52:59,584 --> 00:53:02,256 Why are you judging everybody that walks by? 1062 00:53:02,288 --> 00:53:04,258 I'm not judging, I'm analyzing. 1063 00:53:04,290 --> 00:53:06,593 No, you're judging and mocking. 1064 00:53:06,628 --> 00:53:07,929 You know, being your usual self. 1065 00:53:07,962 --> 00:53:10,064 I'm analyzing, and you'll do it too. 1066 00:53:10,098 --> 00:53:12,066 - No, I won't. - Yes, you will, 1067 00:53:12,101 --> 00:53:14,770 because you're gonna be on stage one night prancing around 1068 00:53:14,804 --> 00:53:16,205 and you're gonna forget what you were gonna say, 1069 00:53:16,238 --> 00:53:18,108 so you'll go with the front row. 1070 00:53:18,141 --> 00:53:19,575 You'll work someone for a laugh. 1071 00:53:19,608 --> 00:53:21,278 So the next person who walks by here, 1072 00:53:21,310 --> 00:53:22,946 I want you to analyze 'em. 1073 00:53:22,979 --> 00:53:24,148 You mean judge. 1074 00:53:24,715 --> 00:53:26,117 They can't hear us. 1075 00:53:26,150 --> 00:53:27,285 And that makes it okay? 1076 00:53:27,317 --> 00:53:28,252 Just do it. 1077 00:53:32,124 --> 00:53:36,963 Is an excellent mother, will be a future doctor, 1078 00:53:36,996 --> 00:53:39,699 nominee for father of the year. 1079 00:53:39,732 --> 00:53:40,767 There. 1080 00:53:41,734 --> 00:53:42,602 What's up? 1081 00:53:43,804 --> 00:53:46,240 I just have a lot going on right now. 1082 00:53:46,273 --> 00:53:47,875 You and everybody else. 1083 00:53:49,044 --> 00:53:50,779 Look, I booked you in at Yuk Yuk's. 1084 00:53:50,812 --> 00:53:53,215 I'm not going on tonight. 1085 00:53:53,248 --> 00:53:55,685 Oh, you're one of those fair-weather writers, huh? 1086 00:53:55,718 --> 00:53:57,620 Leave it at the door? 1087 00:53:57,653 --> 00:54:00,057 Make the stage your happy place. 1088 00:54:00,090 --> 00:54:02,826 Work your shit out up there. 1089 00:54:02,860 --> 00:54:04,594 All right, folks, before we bring 1090 00:54:04,628 --> 00:54:06,396 our next act to the stage, 1091 00:54:06,430 --> 00:54:08,532 I just wanna take a moment to send some love out 1092 00:54:08,565 --> 00:54:10,802 to the bar staff here at Yuk Yuk's. 1093 00:54:10,835 --> 00:54:14,673 Andy, Kelly, Miranda, you guys are awesome 1094 00:54:14,707 --> 00:54:16,642 and you make me wish I had a real job 1095 00:54:16,675 --> 00:54:18,845 - so I could tip you better. - Do us all a favor, 1096 00:54:18,879 --> 00:54:20,213 try smiling sometime. 1097 00:54:20,247 --> 00:54:21,513 It's almost New Year's Eve 1098 00:54:21,547 --> 00:54:23,449 and the tickets for our annual 1099 00:54:23,482 --> 00:54:26,553 comedy spectacular are selling out fast. 1100 00:54:26,586 --> 00:54:29,522 Trust me, you don't wanna miss it. 1101 00:54:29,556 --> 00:54:31,492 Now, back to the comedy. 1102 00:54:31,525 --> 00:54:34,595 Your next performer is a very funny young lady. 1103 00:54:34,630 --> 00:54:39,002 Please welcome to the stage, Charlie Murray! 1104 00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:43,707 Evening. 1105 00:54:44,708 --> 00:54:48,512 Some guy just told me I should try smiling more. 1106 00:54:49,613 --> 00:54:50,614 Yeah, I know. 1107 00:54:50,649 --> 00:54:52,449 That happen to any other women? 1108 00:54:53,385 --> 00:54:56,923 Yeah, hey, fucking annoying, right? 1109 00:54:56,956 --> 00:54:59,759 "Smiling is the key to good customer service." 1110 00:54:59,792 --> 00:55:02,495 "Oh, you're so much prettier when you smile." 1111 00:55:02,528 --> 00:55:03,764 "Hey, if you smiled more, 1112 00:55:03,797 --> 00:55:05,732 "it would really bring out your tits." 1113 00:55:08,069 --> 00:55:10,705 I bet men think that if all of the women 1114 00:55:10,738 --> 00:55:14,677 in the world smiled in unison, we'd cure fucking cancer. 1115 00:55:16,577 --> 00:55:19,983 So anyway, some more about me: 1116 00:55:20,016 --> 00:55:24,922 I'm 21, love movies, enjoy eating takeout, 1117 00:55:24,956 --> 00:55:28,591 my dad died of a massive heart attack two years ago, 1118 00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:30,696 love dogs, long walks. 1119 00:55:32,397 --> 00:55:33,665 What? 1120 00:55:33,699 --> 00:55:34,933 Who doesn't love dogs? 1121 00:55:36,402 --> 00:55:39,604 Oh, you mean about my dad dying! 1122 00:55:39,639 --> 00:55:41,506 That's all good, don't worry about that. 1123 00:55:41,540 --> 00:55:42,776 The doctor said it happened pretty quickly, 1124 00:55:42,810 --> 00:55:45,779 which is a good thing, apparently. 1125 00:55:45,813 --> 00:55:48,016 Although, I have to be honest, 1126 00:55:48,049 --> 00:55:50,752 I was a little disappointed when I heard that. 1127 00:55:50,785 --> 00:55:53,620 I mean, my dad always taught me never to be a quitter. 1128 00:55:53,655 --> 00:55:56,058 And then his heart just craps out just like that, 1129 00:55:56,092 --> 00:55:58,394 like in a matter of seconds. 1130 00:55:58,427 --> 00:56:00,831 That's some weak-ass bullshit! 1131 00:56:02,099 --> 00:56:04,701 I wanted to hear about some sort of, like, 1132 00:56:04,735 --> 00:56:08,806 seven-day long new world record of a heart attack 1133 00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,541 where his heart was trying to crap out 1134 00:56:11,575 --> 00:56:13,045 and then his brain just wouldn't let it. 1135 00:56:13,078 --> 00:56:16,682 Like, Heart: "I'm done." 1136 00:56:16,715 --> 00:56:19,618 Brain: "You're not going anywhere." 1137 00:56:19,652 --> 00:56:20,887 "What's the point anymore? 1138 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:24,458 "All the best food's bad for me, anyway." 1139 00:56:24,492 --> 00:56:26,994 "Who is gonna pump all the blood without you?" 1140 00:56:27,028 --> 00:56:27,928 "Beats me. 1141 00:56:27,962 --> 00:56:29,130 "Why don't you ask the appendix 1142 00:56:29,163 --> 00:56:31,066 "to do some fucking work for once?" 1143 00:56:35,636 --> 00:56:36,506 Thank you. 1144 00:56:41,711 --> 00:56:42,713 Hey. 1145 00:56:45,115 --> 00:56:45,983 What? 1146 00:56:48,486 --> 00:56:49,354 Here. 1147 00:56:51,523 --> 00:56:52,390 What's wrong? 1148 00:56:55,027 --> 00:56:58,030 I took the cash in, like you asked. 1149 00:56:58,064 --> 00:56:59,564 She gave it all back. 1150 00:57:09,944 --> 00:57:13,715 And she gave me that. 1151 00:57:17,052 --> 00:57:17,921 I'm sorry. 1152 00:57:20,657 --> 00:57:21,758 Can you blame her? 1153 00:57:23,193 --> 00:57:24,627 No, I don't, Bob. 1154 00:57:31,002 --> 00:57:32,437 How's the girl? 1155 00:57:32,471 --> 00:57:33,138 Charlie. 1156 00:57:35,674 --> 00:57:36,876 I like her. 1157 00:57:36,909 --> 00:57:38,511 I know you do. 1158 00:57:38,544 --> 00:57:42,716 Just not the way she reminds you how you fucked up. 1159 00:57:42,749 --> 00:57:43,784 I get it. 1160 00:57:56,832 --> 00:57:57,867 Toss it. 1161 00:57:59,535 --> 00:58:00,537 You mean, out? 1162 00:58:13,252 --> 00:58:14,953 Horses. 1163 00:58:14,987 --> 00:58:17,122 You think you know someone... 1164 00:58:17,156 --> 00:58:18,657 Hey. 1165 00:58:18,691 --> 00:58:19,559 You made it. 1166 00:58:20,693 --> 00:58:22,595 So is this like a job 1167 00:58:22,629 --> 00:58:24,865 or volunteering for pleasure? 1168 00:58:24,899 --> 00:58:25,766 And is that manure? 1169 00:58:27,568 --> 00:58:29,971 What brings a man more pleasure than shoveling shit? 1170 00:58:30,005 --> 00:58:31,673 So you do have a job. 1171 00:58:31,706 --> 00:58:33,775 If I didn't have a job, Dennis would be out of business. 1172 00:58:33,808 --> 00:58:35,878 And we'd have never met. 1173 00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:38,214 Oh, so it's all your fault, huh? 1174 00:58:39,916 --> 00:58:41,050 - Can I? - Yeah. 1175 00:58:46,156 --> 00:58:47,691 My daughter loves horses. 1176 00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:50,228 I used to bring her here. 1177 00:58:51,930 --> 00:58:52,897 Between tours, I mean. 1178 00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:57,369 When she was little, I'd lift her up, 1179 00:58:57,970 --> 00:59:00,974 she'd rest her head against their necks, feel 'em breathing. 1180 00:59:04,211 --> 00:59:05,512 Do you see her much? 1181 00:59:07,381 --> 00:59:08,716 My daughter? 1182 00:59:10,551 --> 00:59:12,221 I see her every day. 1183 00:59:20,396 --> 00:59:21,898 She's beautiful. 1184 00:59:22,065 --> 00:59:23,701 Are you sure she's yours? 1185 00:59:29,607 --> 00:59:30,842 I really fucked things up. 1186 00:59:32,611 --> 00:59:35,313 I reach out to her, I have over the years, 1187 00:59:36,882 --> 00:59:38,584 she's not ready to forgive me. 1188 00:59:41,788 --> 00:59:42,990 Maybe she never will be. 1189 00:59:50,131 --> 00:59:53,635 So, you thirsty, Charlene? 1190 00:59:53,668 --> 00:59:54,870 What did you just call me? 1191 00:59:54,903 --> 00:59:55,871 It's your name, isn't it? 1192 00:59:55,904 --> 00:59:59,108 If we're doing names now, I prefer Charlie. 1193 01:00:00,910 --> 01:00:03,880 Well, Charlie, I could use a drink. 1194 01:00:04,981 --> 01:00:05,850 Come on. 1195 01:00:13,892 --> 01:00:14,926 That's Buddy. 1196 01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:18,931 Hey, Bud. 1197 01:00:26,974 --> 01:00:28,008 Water? 1198 01:00:28,042 --> 01:00:30,345 You know you can actually drink this stuff? 1199 01:00:30,378 --> 01:00:31,246 I mean, who knew? 1200 01:00:34,215 --> 01:00:35,918 That thing must be practically full, 1201 01:00:35,951 --> 01:00:37,153 the amount you scribble in it. 1202 01:00:37,186 --> 01:00:38,988 Yeah. 1203 01:00:39,021 --> 01:00:40,022 Mind if I take a look? 1204 01:00:46,698 --> 01:00:47,631 Christ. 1205 01:00:48,433 --> 01:00:49,334 It's loaded. 1206 01:00:50,335 --> 01:00:51,336 It's not all mine. 1207 01:00:52,337 --> 01:00:54,006 That was my dad's notebook. 1208 01:00:54,973 --> 01:00:57,443 "A dyslexic walks into a bra." 1209 01:00:57,476 --> 01:00:59,378 Classic. 1210 01:00:59,411 --> 01:01:00,914 He loved that joke. 1211 01:01:02,282 --> 01:01:03,350 Your dad's a comic? 1212 01:01:04,384 --> 01:01:06,020 He wanted to be. 1213 01:01:06,053 --> 01:01:06,987 Hm. 1214 01:01:07,021 --> 01:01:07,955 My mom wouldn't have it. 1215 01:01:09,323 --> 01:01:12,127 There was me and Daniel and a mortgage. 1216 01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:14,329 She wanted him to get a real job. 1217 01:01:14,363 --> 01:01:15,864 Smart lady. 1218 01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:19,869 Well, people get into it late these days. 1219 01:01:19,902 --> 01:01:21,204 - Maybe your dad... - He's dead. 1220 01:01:22,205 --> 01:01:23,907 Huh. 1221 01:01:23,941 --> 01:01:27,044 - Well, that would... - Make it difficult, yeah. 1222 01:01:32,150 --> 01:01:34,152 You asked me why I wanted to do this... 1223 01:01:35,353 --> 01:01:37,123 You can't do it for him, Charlie. 1224 01:01:38,991 --> 01:01:40,025 I'm not anymore. 1225 01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:42,295 I'm doing this for me. 1226 01:01:44,498 --> 01:01:47,033 So, where's your mom in all this? 1227 01:01:48,102 --> 01:01:49,137 I don't know. 1228 01:01:49,170 --> 01:01:50,905 I don't really care. 1229 01:01:50,938 --> 01:01:53,040 I take it the two of you are not close. 1230 01:01:53,074 --> 01:01:54,276 Haven't been in a couple of years. 1231 01:01:54,309 --> 01:01:55,177 Why not? 1232 01:01:56,345 --> 01:01:59,750 She cheated on my dad. 1233 01:02:00,984 --> 01:02:01,886 They divorced. 1234 01:02:03,052 --> 01:02:06,090 It was a stressful time and he had a heart attack. 1235 01:02:07,558 --> 01:02:08,426 I'm sorry. 1236 01:02:11,898 --> 01:02:13,398 But don't be too hard on your mom. 1237 01:02:15,534 --> 01:02:19,873 Parents are human, we do the best we can. 1238 01:02:19,907 --> 01:02:21,842 Sometimes, it still isn't enough. 1239 01:02:23,342 --> 01:02:25,045 Just don't let it go too long. 1240 01:02:25,780 --> 01:02:27,749 Trust me, you'll regret it. 1241 01:02:36,058 --> 01:02:39,428 Well, this is a fun conversation. 1242 01:02:39,462 --> 01:02:42,132 Hey, misery loves comedy. 1243 01:02:42,966 --> 01:02:46,603 You show me a happy comedian, I'll show you a liar. 1244 01:02:54,546 --> 01:02:55,414 Charlene. 1245 01:02:56,348 --> 01:02:57,216 Come in. 1246 01:03:03,389 --> 01:03:05,058 So how's work? 1247 01:03:06,260 --> 01:03:07,929 It's been fine. 1248 01:03:07,963 --> 01:03:09,530 Daniel told me you have a show. 1249 01:03:10,598 --> 01:03:14,169 Yeah, it's this contest thing. 1250 01:03:14,202 --> 01:03:16,571 Well, I'd like to come, if you don't mind. 1251 01:03:16,605 --> 01:03:17,506 You don't have to. 1252 01:03:17,539 --> 01:03:18,541 I know it's not your thing. 1253 01:03:18,574 --> 01:03:20,978 No, I really wanna be there. 1254 01:03:23,212 --> 01:03:24,481 Charlie. 1255 01:03:24,515 --> 01:03:26,517 Care to join us? 1256 01:03:27,017 --> 01:03:28,318 As in you two? 1257 01:03:28,352 --> 01:03:29,353 No one else here. 1258 01:03:34,359 --> 01:03:36,495 Want you to go with me to Eddie's tomorrow night. 1259 01:03:36,529 --> 01:03:39,098 It'll be good for you to see the place before you play it. 1260 01:03:40,599 --> 01:03:41,601 Okay. 1261 01:03:42,602 --> 01:03:43,703 That should do it. 1262 01:03:43,738 --> 01:03:44,604 Give it a try. 1263 01:03:46,741 --> 01:03:47,943 That work? 1264 01:03:47,976 --> 01:03:49,110 Yeah. 1265 01:03:50,511 --> 01:03:52,313 Oh, my god, are you okay?! 1266 01:03:57,152 --> 01:03:59,187 You jerk. 1267 01:03:59,221 --> 01:04:00,456 What? 1268 01:04:00,490 --> 01:04:01,992 I'm just fucking with you. 1269 01:04:05,194 --> 01:04:06,096 Delivery. 1270 01:04:06,130 --> 01:04:08,132 I wonder who that could be. 1271 01:04:10,568 --> 01:04:11,603 Charlie Murray? 1272 01:04:11,636 --> 01:04:13,204 - Yeah. - Sign here, please. 1273 01:04:14,306 --> 01:04:16,008 - What is it? - It's big. 1274 01:04:16,042 --> 01:04:17,643 Let me grab it off the truck for you. 1275 01:04:17,677 --> 01:04:18,544 Thanks. 1276 01:04:24,585 --> 01:04:26,086 I bought you a bed. 1277 01:04:26,119 --> 01:04:27,087 A bed? 1278 01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:28,121 Mm-hm. 1279 01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:29,122 Why? 1280 01:04:29,156 --> 01:04:31,060 Can you even afford that? 1281 01:04:31,092 --> 01:04:33,929 Oh, yeah, some smart-ass has been paying me 1282 01:04:33,963 --> 01:04:35,664 to show her a few things, so. 1283 01:04:36,665 --> 01:04:38,001 Thank you very much, you've been great. 1284 01:04:38,034 --> 01:04:39,069 Give it up for Eddie. 1285 01:04:41,170 --> 01:04:43,173 Guy was a fucking hack. 1286 01:04:43,206 --> 01:04:45,241 Be nice, it's a big room. 1287 01:04:45,275 --> 01:04:46,610 Who's the headliner? 1288 01:04:46,643 --> 01:04:48,046 Jeez, I don't know. 1289 01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:49,915 Guess we're gonna have to wait and see. 1290 01:04:49,948 --> 01:04:51,248 Ladies and gentlemen, 1291 01:04:51,282 --> 01:04:53,417 we have something very special tonight. 1292 01:04:53,451 --> 01:04:55,287 In just a couple of weeks' time, 1293 01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,957 we're going to have to share this next young lady 1294 01:04:57,991 --> 01:04:59,358 with the rest of the world 1295 01:04:59,391 --> 01:05:03,596 as she hits the road for a completely sold out arena tour, 1296 01:05:04,765 --> 01:05:08,003 but tonight, she's still all ours. 1297 01:05:08,036 --> 01:05:10,204 So let's go crazy for New York City's 1298 01:05:10,237 --> 01:05:12,507 very own Tracy Johnson! 1299 01:05:12,540 --> 01:05:16,711 Come on, bring her out here! 1300 01:05:19,148 --> 01:05:19,983 Thank you! 1301 01:05:22,318 --> 01:05:23,587 I love you Brooklyn, 1302 01:05:23,687 --> 01:05:26,223 even though this is where I met my ex, the rat. 1303 01:05:27,825 --> 01:05:29,928 I call him the rat because he ate all my food, 1304 01:05:29,962 --> 01:05:32,131 was unemployed, and my landlord couldn't get him 1305 01:05:32,163 --> 01:05:33,631 out of my apartment. 1306 01:05:34,432 --> 01:05:36,335 He wasn't a couch surfer. 1307 01:05:36,368 --> 01:05:40,172 It was more like the moment he made contact with my sofa, 1308 01:05:40,205 --> 01:05:43,276 he sunk like he was encased in concrete. 1309 01:05:44,377 --> 01:05:46,680 We met on the subway. 1310 01:05:46,713 --> 01:05:50,618 I thought he was a musician because he had a guitar. 1311 01:05:50,651 --> 01:05:53,088 He made more money when he didn't play it. 1312 01:05:55,925 --> 01:05:57,126 You know, it's tricky, 1313 01:05:57,160 --> 01:06:00,363 'cause the lighting can be very flattering in a subway. 1314 01:06:00,396 --> 01:06:04,034 And he looked like an attractive rodent, 1315 01:06:04,068 --> 01:06:07,371 like the type that you might wanna test cosmetics on. 1316 01:06:07,404 --> 01:06:09,974 Actually, he turned out to be a feral rat 1317 01:06:10,008 --> 01:06:11,308 that carried the plague. 1318 01:06:11,341 --> 01:06:12,945 It's okay, you guys, I just finished 1319 01:06:12,978 --> 01:06:14,880 my last course of antibiotics. 1320 01:06:17,215 --> 01:06:19,820 Thank you, you guys are awesome. 1321 01:06:21,988 --> 01:06:22,989 Woo. 1322 01:06:25,059 --> 01:06:26,094 Woo! 1323 01:06:29,063 --> 01:06:30,465 So what'd you think? 1324 01:06:30,498 --> 01:06:31,967 Amazing. 1325 01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:33,267 Thank you for bringing me. 1326 01:06:34,435 --> 01:06:35,872 You hungry? 1327 01:06:35,905 --> 01:06:36,773 I could eat. 1328 01:06:37,406 --> 01:06:38,808 I'm gonna go have a smoke. 1329 01:06:38,842 --> 01:06:40,743 When I get back, I'll take you for a bite. 1330 01:06:40,777 --> 01:06:41,444 Okay. 1331 01:06:52,289 --> 01:06:53,525 Bob. 1332 01:06:53,558 --> 01:06:54,392 Damn. 1333 01:06:54,426 --> 01:06:55,795 Eddie. 1334 01:06:55,828 --> 01:06:58,197 Fuck, I thought it was you in there. 1335 01:06:58,231 --> 01:07:00,633 Jesus, man, how is it you're still alive? 1336 01:07:00,666 --> 01:07:03,436 Ah, one of the mysteries of modern science, Ed. 1337 01:07:03,469 --> 01:07:04,403 Right on. 1338 01:07:06,406 --> 01:07:07,441 Wanna go up and do a couple of minutes 1339 01:07:07,474 --> 01:07:08,475 just for old time's sake? 1340 01:07:09,510 --> 01:07:11,278 No, I'm good, thanks. 1341 01:07:11,311 --> 01:07:12,647 Huh, all right. 1342 01:07:14,415 --> 01:07:16,484 Say, who's the chick you're with, by the way? 1343 01:07:16,518 --> 01:07:17,720 Chick? 1344 01:07:17,754 --> 01:07:20,556 Oh, nah, she's a young comic, just showing her the ropes. 1345 01:07:21,590 --> 01:07:23,325 Screwing her? 1346 01:07:23,359 --> 01:07:26,097 Eddie, I'm a lot of things, I'm not that. 1347 01:07:26,831 --> 01:07:28,465 Bullshit. 1348 01:07:28,498 --> 01:07:30,301 You got more ass than anybody in town 1349 01:07:30,334 --> 01:07:31,369 back in the day, brother. 1350 01:07:31,402 --> 01:07:32,771 That was a long time ago. 1351 01:07:36,675 --> 01:07:39,411 You're welcome for the set the other night. 1352 01:07:39,444 --> 01:07:40,646 What? 1353 01:07:40,679 --> 01:07:42,883 You were riffing off what I said. 1354 01:07:42,917 --> 01:07:44,151 You see, that's the kinda person I am, 1355 01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:47,521 you know, just always trying to build up the little guys. 1356 01:07:47,555 --> 01:07:49,291 You know, maybe if you ask me nicely, 1357 01:07:49,323 --> 01:07:50,457 I'll let you open for me sometime. 1358 01:07:50,491 --> 01:07:53,528 Huh, I didn't know busboys had openers. 1359 01:07:56,232 --> 01:07:57,399 I'm gonna go. 1360 01:07:57,432 --> 01:07:58,301 Yeah. 1361 01:07:59,535 --> 01:08:01,939 So you're telling me that you're just training a comic? 1362 01:08:01,972 --> 01:08:02,873 That's it. 1363 01:08:04,842 --> 01:08:06,510 What the fuck happened to you? 1364 01:08:06,543 --> 01:08:08,213 Yeah, tell me about it. 1365 01:08:16,322 --> 01:08:20,327 So, mind if I take a shot? 1366 01:08:20,359 --> 01:08:21,560 A shot? 1367 01:08:21,594 --> 01:08:22,628 - With her? - Yeah. 1368 01:08:22,661 --> 01:08:24,966 Eddie, you're a hundred fucking years old. 1369 01:08:24,999 --> 01:08:26,700 Well, fuck you. 1370 01:08:26,733 --> 01:08:28,435 I've still got a dick. 1371 01:08:28,468 --> 01:08:29,905 And it still doesn't suck itself. 1372 01:08:32,274 --> 01:08:33,876 So what do you say? 1373 01:08:33,909 --> 01:08:35,444 I say she's a millennial 1374 01:08:35,477 --> 01:08:37,280 with daddy issues and a pipe dream. 1375 01:08:37,313 --> 01:08:39,581 There's nothing remotely special about that girl, 1376 01:08:39,615 --> 01:08:40,850 so don't waste your time. 1377 01:08:45,289 --> 01:08:47,893 Chicks with daddy issues are the very best. 1378 01:08:47,926 --> 01:08:50,262 They'll do anything for you. 1379 01:08:50,295 --> 01:08:51,595 Eddie. 1380 01:08:51,629 --> 01:08:52,529 Yeah? 1381 01:08:52,563 --> 01:08:54,867 You and I go back a long way. 1382 01:08:54,901 --> 01:08:56,568 - Yeah. - Leave the girl alone. 1383 01:09:01,775 --> 01:09:02,642 All right. 1384 01:09:18,494 --> 01:09:19,362 You ready? 1385 01:09:22,032 --> 01:09:22,899 What? 1386 01:09:24,869 --> 01:09:25,735 Hey! 1387 01:09:29,607 --> 01:09:30,474 Hey! 1388 01:09:31,442 --> 01:09:33,278 What the hell's going on?! 1389 01:09:33,312 --> 01:09:35,614 I don't care if you think I suck, 1390 01:09:35,647 --> 01:09:37,616 but if you have something to say, say it to my face. 1391 01:09:37,649 --> 01:09:39,352 What are you talking about? 1392 01:09:39,385 --> 01:09:41,521 "A millennial with daddy issues and a pipe dream"? 1393 01:09:41,554 --> 01:09:42,957 Seriously? 1394 01:09:42,990 --> 01:09:44,358 Okay, listen to me... 1395 01:09:44,391 --> 01:09:45,491 You're a piece of shit. 1396 01:09:45,525 --> 01:09:46,626 - Charlie... - No. 1397 01:10:08,386 --> 01:10:09,988 I guess the people agree with you. 1398 01:10:12,657 --> 01:10:14,692 I don't get it, I think she's funny. 1399 01:10:16,561 --> 01:10:17,430 So do I. 1400 01:10:36,886 --> 01:10:38,888 I got your text. 1401 01:10:39,989 --> 01:10:41,492 Biopsy results. 1402 01:10:48,699 --> 01:10:49,733 This is great. 1403 01:10:50,667 --> 01:10:51,702 Why aren't you happy? 1404 01:10:53,939 --> 01:10:54,874 I am. 1405 01:10:54,907 --> 01:10:56,409 How's prep with Bob going? 1406 01:10:57,476 --> 01:10:58,811 It's not. 1407 01:10:58,844 --> 01:11:00,613 We're done. 1408 01:11:00,646 --> 01:11:01,614 What? 1409 01:11:01,647 --> 01:11:02,615 We're done. 1410 01:11:04,184 --> 01:11:06,553 But what about the contest? 1411 01:11:06,586 --> 01:11:07,621 I don't want him there. 1412 01:11:08,622 --> 01:11:10,358 I don't think he cares, anyway. 1413 01:11:19,469 --> 01:11:20,870 Bob fucking Carpenter. 1414 01:11:21,871 --> 01:11:23,606 That's my actual middle name. 1415 01:11:24,607 --> 01:11:25,708 And you are? 1416 01:11:25,742 --> 01:11:27,445 Kim, Charlie's friend. 1417 01:11:27,478 --> 01:11:29,680 Best friend, actually, so I know everything. 1418 01:11:29,713 --> 01:11:32,783 Look, I'm an asshole. 1419 01:11:34,152 --> 01:11:37,523 What I said, it's not what it sounded like, 1420 01:11:37,557 --> 01:11:39,058 certainly not what I meant. 1421 01:11:39,092 --> 01:11:40,725 So fix it. 1422 01:11:40,759 --> 01:11:42,429 She's performing at Eddie's tomorrow night. 1423 01:11:42,463 --> 01:11:43,497 You should be there. 1424 01:11:45,499 --> 01:11:47,502 She doesn't want me there. 1425 01:11:47,535 --> 01:11:48,436 Yeah, she does. 1426 01:11:51,539 --> 01:11:53,108 You may have been an asshole, Bob, 1427 01:11:54,742 --> 01:11:56,812 but you've done more than help her make people laugh. 1428 01:12:01,251 --> 01:12:03,453 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 1429 01:12:03,487 --> 01:12:04,620 Thank you. 1430 01:12:04,653 --> 01:12:09,527 Thank you, so, feminism is largely bad. 1431 01:12:10,794 --> 01:12:12,730 Yeah, but you know what, there are some positives. 1432 01:12:12,763 --> 01:12:15,733 First, it made it okay for women to be sluts, 1433 01:12:15,766 --> 01:12:19,139 and I fucking love that kinda girl power. 1434 01:12:20,706 --> 01:12:22,942 You know, I'd say I'm body-positive, 1435 01:12:22,976 --> 01:12:26,679 in that I'm positive I want your body on me. 1436 01:12:28,748 --> 01:12:30,085 Fatties need not apply. 1437 01:12:30,118 --> 01:12:32,954 And I love the Women's March. 1438 01:12:32,988 --> 01:12:34,923 You know, it got my roommate's girlfriend 1439 01:12:34,956 --> 01:12:36,658 out of the apartment. 1440 01:12:36,691 --> 01:12:39,128 You know, I just wish she had kept marching 1441 01:12:40,263 --> 01:12:42,966 and never came back, but she did, 1442 01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:45,169 so I guess she just wasn't that dedicated 1443 01:12:45,202 --> 01:12:46,802 to the cause, I suppose. 1444 01:12:49,874 --> 01:12:54,880 You know, if women are so oppressed, 1445 01:12:55,848 --> 01:12:59,853 then how am I hearing about it all the time?! 1446 01:12:59,886 --> 01:13:01,787 Seriously, "Ooh, I want equal rights!" 1447 01:13:01,821 --> 01:13:03,156 "Ooh, I want equal pay!" 1448 01:13:03,190 --> 01:13:04,858 "Ooh, don't grab my pussy, Mr. President." 1449 01:13:04,891 --> 01:13:06,594 Slap. 1450 01:13:06,627 --> 01:13:09,830 No, and now I need tampons because my ears are bleeding 1451 01:13:09,864 --> 01:13:11,667 from having to listen to this shit 1452 01:13:11,699 --> 01:13:14,903 and I need something to stop the flow. 1453 01:13:14,937 --> 01:13:15,904 Tampax. 1454 01:13:17,005 --> 01:13:21,878 So do feminists really know what oppression means? 1455 01:13:22,946 --> 01:13:24,048 Like, the textbook definition. 1456 01:13:24,081 --> 01:13:27,750 You live in New York fucking City. 1457 01:13:27,784 --> 01:13:29,854 The only oppressive thing about living here 1458 01:13:29,888 --> 01:13:33,558 is the crushing weight of your broken dreams. 1459 01:13:33,592 --> 01:13:34,693 That's it for me tonight, folks. 1460 01:13:34,725 --> 01:13:35,661 Thank you so much for having me. 1461 01:13:35,695 --> 01:13:38,197 And give it up for your wonderful host! 1462 01:13:39,165 --> 01:13:40,566 Nice job, Paul. 1463 01:13:40,600 --> 01:13:41,235 Beautiful, man. 1464 01:13:41,268 --> 01:13:42,703 Very, very nice. 1465 01:13:42,735 --> 01:13:44,804 And we're gonna keep the funny going tonight 1466 01:13:44,838 --> 01:13:46,073 because coming up on the stage right now 1467 01:13:46,106 --> 01:13:47,875 is a very funny young lady from the Bronx, 1468 01:13:47,909 --> 01:13:50,845 but please don't hold that against her. 1469 01:13:50,878 --> 01:13:54,816 Let's make some noise now, please, for Charlie Murray! 1470 01:13:54,850 --> 01:13:56,085 There she is! 1471 01:13:56,118 --> 01:13:57,019 Come on! 1472 01:13:57,052 --> 01:13:58,786 Charlie! 1473 01:13:58,821 --> 01:13:59,689 Thank you. 1474 01:14:00,924 --> 01:14:04,861 So, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with cancer. 1475 01:14:05,963 --> 01:14:07,698 Wow, tough crowd. 1476 01:14:08,798 --> 01:14:09,967 Now, I don't wanna brag, 1477 01:14:10,001 --> 01:14:12,604 but you are in the presence of greatness. 1478 01:14:12,638 --> 01:14:14,339 It was skin cancer. 1479 01:14:14,373 --> 01:14:16,275 I am black. 1480 01:14:16,308 --> 01:14:18,044 That shit is rare. 1481 01:14:19,979 --> 01:14:21,981 I'm like a unicorn. 1482 01:14:23,016 --> 01:14:26,887 I'm like a unicorn who's dating the Easter Bunny. 1483 01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,658 No, I'm like a unicorn who's dating the Easter Bunny, 1484 01:14:29,691 --> 01:14:31,993 whose best friend is Jesus. 1485 01:14:32,027 --> 01:14:34,729 That's how fucking rare and special I am. 1486 01:14:34,763 --> 01:14:37,933 And you all get to watch me on stage for just a few bucks. 1487 01:14:37,967 --> 01:14:40,136 How fucking lucky are all of you? 1488 01:14:42,272 --> 01:14:46,643 As you can see, I am not a stereotypical black girl. 1489 01:14:46,677 --> 01:14:51,349 I have no ass, no aversion to getting my hair wet, 1490 01:14:51,382 --> 01:14:53,018 and I had skin cancer. 1491 01:14:53,052 --> 01:14:57,022 I basically had my black card revoked by this point. 1492 01:14:57,056 --> 01:14:58,991 Still have my marijuana card, though. 1493 01:15:00,026 --> 01:15:01,061 Yes. 1494 01:15:02,462 --> 01:15:06,667 And what better excuse to smoke weed is there than cancer? 1495 01:15:06,701 --> 01:15:10,004 I mean, not even your mom can tell you no at that point. 1496 01:15:10,037 --> 01:15:11,239 Isn't that right, Mom? 1497 01:15:12,874 --> 01:15:13,742 Hey, Mom. 1498 01:15:16,078 --> 01:15:19,682 That's my mom, everybody. 1499 01:15:21,317 --> 01:15:24,888 I was a teenager lighting up a joint in the living room, 1500 01:15:24,922 --> 01:15:29,227 like, "Y'all better be thankful I'm hitting this blunt 1501 01:15:29,260 --> 01:15:31,262 "and not biting the dust." 1502 01:15:32,897 --> 01:15:36,001 And there would be nothing anyone could say! 1503 01:15:39,071 --> 01:15:42,743 Getting cancer has made me super paranoid. 1504 01:15:42,776 --> 01:15:46,246 Like, I am afraid of any and all sources of light. 1505 01:15:46,279 --> 01:15:47,915 I am the only person 1506 01:15:47,949 --> 01:15:51,285 who's actually not comforted by a nightlight. 1507 01:15:51,319 --> 01:15:54,823 I've sort of just accepted that I'm gonna come down 1508 01:15:54,858 --> 01:15:56,392 with some other illness in my life, 1509 01:15:56,425 --> 01:16:00,063 so now I spend most of my time looking up ailments online 1510 01:16:00,096 --> 01:16:02,432 and praying for a really, really good one, 1511 01:16:02,465 --> 01:16:04,100 like, it's some sort of fucked up 1512 01:16:04,134 --> 01:16:06,303 catalog service that God offers. 1513 01:16:14,146 --> 01:16:16,248 Not arthritis, that's boring. 1514 01:16:19,318 --> 01:16:20,987 Not an STD either, 1515 01:16:21,020 --> 01:16:24,391 I can find a diseased and willing dick on my own. 1516 01:16:26,059 --> 01:16:30,064 Maybe something more like glaucoma or anxiety 1517 01:16:30,098 --> 01:16:31,366 because I've already got a stash 1518 01:16:31,399 --> 01:16:33,401 of, like, 20 years worth of Kush. 1519 01:16:35,237 --> 01:16:39,108 Thank you so much, everyone. 1520 01:16:39,141 --> 01:16:41,011 Thanks, everybody. 1521 01:16:41,044 --> 01:16:42,078 Thank you. 1522 01:16:46,116 --> 01:16:48,921 Thank you, you've been amazing. 1523 01:17:01,601 --> 01:17:02,903 Oh, there's nothing wrong with second, 1524 01:17:02,937 --> 01:17:04,103 but you should have won. 1525 01:17:04,137 --> 01:17:06,474 Ah, winning contests doesn't mean shit. 1526 01:17:09,109 --> 01:17:10,511 Hey. 1527 01:17:10,544 --> 01:17:12,013 Why don't you do us all a favor? 1528 01:17:12,047 --> 01:17:13,348 Try smiling sometime. 1529 01:17:16,151 --> 01:17:17,820 Told you it'd suck a little less. 1530 01:17:19,121 --> 01:17:22,558 I hope you know that your dad would be so proud. 1531 01:17:22,592 --> 01:17:24,194 And so am I. 1532 01:17:24,228 --> 01:17:25,095 So proud. 1533 01:17:28,265 --> 01:17:29,200 Mm. 1534 01:17:30,201 --> 01:17:31,937 Bob was there. 1535 01:17:31,971 --> 01:17:33,438 Just so you know. 1536 01:17:33,471 --> 01:17:35,207 You should have seen his face. 1537 01:17:37,409 --> 01:17:38,477 - Food? - Food. 1538 01:17:38,511 --> 01:17:39,578 Yeah. Okay. 1539 01:17:45,418 --> 01:17:46,889 Whoa. 1540 01:17:46,922 --> 01:17:49,156 I decided to embrace the inevitable. 1541 01:17:50,091 --> 01:17:51,626 Well, good for you. 1542 01:17:51,659 --> 01:17:53,963 So how did our young Charlie do tonight? 1543 01:17:54,898 --> 01:17:55,564 She did great. 1544 01:18:00,203 --> 01:18:01,271 Bruce Willis. 1545 01:18:01,304 --> 01:18:02,973 That's who you look like now. 1546 01:18:04,107 --> 01:18:05,476 Ha, should have done that years ago. 1547 01:18:07,378 --> 01:18:08,379 Wanna grab a coffee? 1548 01:18:10,447 --> 01:18:11,383 Yippee-ki-yay. 1549 01:18:12,584 --> 01:18:14,619 You know where the key is. 1550 01:19:01,641 --> 01:19:03,543 Why do you wanna do this? 1551 01:19:08,282 --> 01:19:10,317 What's wrong with just wanting to make people laugh? 1552 01:19:10,351 --> 01:19:13,455 Mm, you're lonely, aren't you? 1553 01:19:16,424 --> 01:19:18,694 I saw your show tonight. 1554 01:19:18,728 --> 01:19:19,963 I heard. 1555 01:19:21,330 --> 01:19:22,198 You did good. 1556 01:19:26,004 --> 01:19:27,704 Why didn't you tell me you had cancer? 1557 01:19:28,773 --> 01:19:30,009 You never asked. 1558 01:19:31,242 --> 01:19:32,744 It's okay. 1559 01:19:33,012 --> 01:19:34,178 I'm fine now. 1560 01:19:35,314 --> 01:19:36,348 I'm glad. 1561 01:19:39,551 --> 01:19:41,022 You look good up there. 1562 01:19:42,123 --> 01:19:43,958 Maybe you should give it another shot. 1563 01:19:45,358 --> 01:19:48,529 You know, watching you tonight, did cross my mind. 1564 01:19:48,562 --> 01:19:51,365 Ooh, a baby boomer with heckling issues? 1565 01:19:51,399 --> 01:19:53,069 Ugh, I don't know, Bob. 1566 01:19:53,102 --> 01:19:55,303 After everything I've done for you, 1567 01:19:55,337 --> 01:19:57,305 least you can do is give me a few tips. 1568 01:19:58,808 --> 01:19:59,676 Okay. 1569 01:20:02,712 --> 01:20:07,718 Well, first off, you need to work on your posture. 1570 01:20:09,054 --> 01:20:10,654 - Really? - Yeah, no one wants to watch 1571 01:20:10,688 --> 01:20:11,690 a slouchy comic. 1572 01:20:12,024 --> 01:20:13,658 And no focusing on the floor. 1573 01:20:13,692 --> 01:20:15,493 You're not looking for loose change. 1574 01:20:15,527 --> 01:20:18,131 Make eye contact. 1575 01:20:18,165 --> 01:20:19,665 Build common ground. 1576 01:20:19,699 --> 01:20:24,105 Remember, a comic is judged every 12 seconds of his life. 1577 01:20:24,138 --> 01:20:25,006 Her. 1578 01:20:26,673 --> 01:20:27,574 Her life. 1579 01:20:30,179 --> 01:20:32,047 Write this down, this is important. 1580 01:20:33,281 --> 01:20:36,152 The first joke of a set has gotta be the best one. 1581 01:20:36,186 --> 01:20:37,820 You gotta make a splash. 1582 01:20:37,853 --> 01:20:40,790 Make sure they know you're gonna show 'em a good time.