WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:10.662 --> 00:00:11.968 [woman] Good, how are you? 4 00:00:12.055 --> 00:00:13.622 Nice to meet you. 5 00:00:13.709 --> 00:00:16.538 ♪♪ 6 00:00:16.625 --> 00:00:19.845 I wish I had lost a little weight for this. 7 00:00:19.932 --> 00:00:21.151 But maybe it's good. 8 00:00:23.110 --> 00:00:24.415 [men laughing] 9 00:00:29.986 --> 00:00:33.555 [man] You know what, I set button at the wrong time. 10 00:00:39.822 --> 00:00:41.128 [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen... 11 00:00:41.215 --> 00:00:43.043 [cheering and applause] 12 00:00:43.130 --> 00:00:45.045 ...Tim Heidecker! 13 00:00:45.132 --> 00:00:47.047 [cheering and applause] 14 00:00:47.134 --> 00:00:48.831 ♪♪ 15 00:00:48.918 --> 00:00:50.050 Hey! 16 00:00:50.137 --> 00:00:51.616 - [loud cheering] - Hey! 17 00:00:51.703 --> 00:00:53.792 What's going on? Whoo, shit! 18 00:00:53.879 --> 00:00:56.578 ♪♪ 19 00:00:56.665 --> 00:00:58.058 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 20 00:01:00.451 --> 00:01:01.844 Just don't fuckin' touch it. 21 00:01:02.888 --> 00:01:04.281 Oh, shit. 22 00:01:06.414 --> 00:01:07.632 Watch it. 23 00:01:08.764 --> 00:01:09.852 Uh... 24 00:01:11.375 --> 00:01:12.463 Uh... 25 00:01:17.555 --> 00:01:19.079 Fuckin' A! Fuckin' A! 26 00:01:19.166 --> 00:01:20.950 What the fuck's the matter with this? 27 00:01:21.037 --> 00:01:23.953 ♪♪ 28 00:01:36.357 --> 00:01:37.445 One, two. 29 00:01:49.283 --> 00:01:50.501 This should be up. 30 00:01:56.333 --> 00:01:57.726 What are you gonna do? I can't fuckin' do it. 31 00:01:57.813 --> 00:01:59.293 I don't know what I'm doing. 32 00:02:02.948 --> 00:02:05.864 ♪♪ 33 00:02:11.914 --> 00:02:13.176 This has to be fuckin' down. 34 00:02:17.702 --> 00:02:20.618 ♪♪ 35 00:02:29.932 --> 00:02:31.412 This is what I'm fuckin' talking about. 36 00:02:31.499 --> 00:02:33.283 This doesn't fuckin' go in. 37 00:02:33.370 --> 00:02:35.198 One, two. Thank you. 38 00:02:35.285 --> 00:02:37.896 ♪♪ 39 00:02:37.983 --> 00:02:39.289 Okay, thank you. 40 00:02:39.376 --> 00:02:40.812 Let's start it again from the... 41 00:02:40.899 --> 00:02:44.729 [crowd cheering] 42 00:02:44.816 --> 00:02:46.296 All right, thank you. Can you cut the music? 43 00:02:46.383 --> 00:02:47.819 We'll just start from the top. 44 00:02:47.906 --> 00:02:49.386 Uh... 45 00:02:49.473 --> 00:02:50.953 Thank you, Brook. Can you cut the-- 46 00:02:51.040 --> 00:02:52.868 Hey, John, can you cut the music, please? 47 00:02:52.955 --> 00:02:54.391 - Cut the music. - [music continues] 48 00:02:54.478 --> 00:02:55.958 [indistinct] 49 00:02:56.045 --> 00:02:57.742 We're changing this. We'll take it from one. 50 00:02:57.829 --> 00:03:01.137 Just cut the... Can you cut the fuckin' music, John? 51 00:03:01.224 --> 00:03:02.530 Turn the... John. 52 00:03:02.617 --> 00:03:05.402 Turn the fuckin' music off, John! 53 00:03:05.489 --> 00:03:07.404 - Turn it the fuck off! - [music continues] 54 00:03:07.491 --> 00:03:08.797 The fuck is the matter with you? 55 00:03:08.884 --> 00:03:11.060 Fuck you! 56 00:03:11.147 --> 00:03:13.454 The fuck! 57 00:03:13.541 --> 00:03:15.760 Why don't they fuckin' get it? 58 00:03:15.847 --> 00:03:18.154 Get the fuckin' music off! 59 00:03:18.241 --> 00:03:22.071 Turn the fuckin' music! Turn the fuckin' music off! 60 00:03:22.158 --> 00:03:24.508 The fuck is the matter with you? 61 00:03:24.595 --> 00:03:26.989 - Turn it the fuck off! - [music continues] 62 00:03:27.076 --> 00:03:28.295 - Turn it the fuck... - [music stops] 63 00:03:28.382 --> 00:03:30.079 Thank you. Okay, all right. 64 00:03:30.166 --> 00:03:32.516 [scattered cheering, applause] 65 00:03:35.911 --> 00:03:37.956 This whole setup, this whole fuckin' place 66 00:03:38.043 --> 00:03:39.697 has been a nightmare. 67 00:03:39.784 --> 00:03:42.439 I've been here since 6:00 in the fuckin' morning 68 00:03:42.526 --> 00:03:44.180 teching this goddamn show. 69 00:03:44.267 --> 00:03:46.748 And everybody here, I'm talking the camera guys, 70 00:03:46.835 --> 00:03:48.750 the fuckin'... the people that work here 71 00:03:48.837 --> 00:03:51.840 have been treating me like shit from the minute I got here. 72 00:03:53.755 --> 00:03:55.365 And they get this junk. 73 00:03:55.452 --> 00:03:57.672 This fuckin' shit from Guitar Center, 74 00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:00.370 these mic stands, and it's been a setup. 75 00:04:00.457 --> 00:04:02.503 I mean, it's been a fuckin' setup. 76 00:04:04.896 --> 00:04:07.203 Are you happy? Are we happy to be here tonight? 77 00:04:07.290 --> 00:04:09.771 [crowd cheering] 78 00:04:09.858 --> 00:04:13.383 Let's hear it. Friday night. TGIF! 79 00:04:13.470 --> 00:04:15.690 [cheering and applause] 80 00:04:15.777 --> 00:04:17.953 A water. I need a water. 81 00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:19.824 Let's go, come on! 82 00:04:23.132 --> 00:04:24.438 Wow. 83 00:04:26.831 --> 00:04:28.616 [whistles] 84 00:04:38.669 --> 00:04:40.192 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 85 00:04:40.280 --> 00:04:41.933 My name is Tim Heidecker. I'm a comedian. 86 00:04:42.020 --> 00:04:43.500 When I tell people that, they say, "What do you mean? 87 00:04:43.587 --> 00:04:46.329 Like Tim Allen?" I say, "A-whoo!" 88 00:04:49.767 --> 00:04:52.727 Uh, little bit about myself. 89 00:04:52.814 --> 00:04:55.556 I was just recently named one of the top five 90 00:04:55.643 --> 00:04:58.036 funniest people in America by a comedy magazine. 91 00:04:58.123 --> 00:05:00.169 - [scattered whooping] - Thank you. 92 00:05:02.432 --> 00:05:04.565 Uh, what else? Um... 93 00:05:08.830 --> 00:05:10.266 I'm a guy's guy. 94 00:05:10.353 --> 00:05:11.659 I think we should get that out of the way. 95 00:05:11.746 --> 00:05:13.878 I know, I'm a guy's guy. Hello. 96 00:05:13.965 --> 00:05:18.056 I'm a guy's guy. I love T and A, right? 97 00:05:18.143 --> 00:05:19.623 Wait, no, no, no. 98 00:05:19.710 --> 00:05:21.582 The PC police are like... [mimics siren] 99 00:05:21.669 --> 00:05:24.802 We got a criminal here, but everybody can relax. 100 00:05:24.889 --> 00:05:27.544 Everybody can take it down because when I say T and A, 101 00:05:27.631 --> 00:05:31.243 I'm talking about tokin' and ale, so... 102 00:05:39.339 --> 00:05:40.818 What else? I love food. 103 00:05:40.905 --> 00:05:42.690 Is everybody here... I mean, I love food. 104 00:05:42.777 --> 00:05:44.474 I guess I'm a foodie. I don't know. 105 00:05:44.561 --> 00:05:47.129 [laughing] I'm a foodie. 106 00:05:47.216 --> 00:05:48.870 Sue me, I'm a foodie. 107 00:05:48.957 --> 00:05:50.915 I, uh... 108 00:05:51.002 --> 00:05:52.613 I said to my friend, and he said, 109 00:05:52.700 --> 00:05:54.005 "You gotta use this in the show," 110 00:05:54.092 --> 00:05:57.966 I said, um, I said... 111 00:05:58.053 --> 00:06:00.621 "If I ever get to go to another planet," right? 112 00:06:00.708 --> 00:06:02.449 I said, "If I ever get to go to another planet, 113 00:06:02.536 --> 00:06:05.539 I will not be saying, 'Take me to your leader.'" 114 00:06:05.626 --> 00:06:06.627 Right, you see that in the movies. 115 00:06:06.714 --> 00:06:08.063 "Take me to your leader." 116 00:06:08.150 --> 00:06:10.587 I'll be saying, "Take me to your sushi." 117 00:06:13.242 --> 00:06:14.983 That's what a foodie I am. 118 00:06:15.070 --> 00:06:17.377 Um... 119 00:06:17.464 --> 00:06:19.030 So, listen, folks, like I said, 120 00:06:19.117 --> 00:06:20.728 I'm one of the top five comedians in the country. 121 00:06:20.815 --> 00:06:22.904 And... 122 00:06:22.991 --> 00:06:26.081 I, uh, I've been doing this for a long time. 123 00:06:26.168 --> 00:06:27.822 Been doing this for about ten years. 124 00:06:27.909 --> 00:06:29.824 How many people have been with me for ten years? 125 00:06:29.911 --> 00:06:33.523 [cheering and applause] 126 00:06:33.610 --> 00:06:35.220 And I've had a great career. 127 00:06:35.307 --> 00:06:36.657 I've gone out there. 128 00:06:36.744 --> 00:06:38.789 I've played everywhere you can imagine. 129 00:06:38.876 --> 00:06:40.574 And I've been telling my jokes. 130 00:06:40.661 --> 00:06:42.358 I've been entertaining people, making people laugh. 131 00:06:42.445 --> 00:06:43.925 And I love doing it. It's an honor 132 00:06:44.012 --> 00:06:45.753 to be able to do it for you guys tonight. 133 00:06:45.840 --> 00:06:48.016 So... 134 00:06:48.103 --> 00:06:50.584 But here's what's happened. 135 00:06:50.671 --> 00:06:53.891 Recently I've been sort of going through the motions. 136 00:06:53.978 --> 00:06:56.285 You know, I've been sort of just kind of coming out here, 137 00:06:56.372 --> 00:06:59.375 the brain turns off, the material turns on, 138 00:06:59.462 --> 00:07:04.598 and I just kinda go through this time-tested, great material 139 00:07:04.685 --> 00:07:07.252 that's been so successful for me. 140 00:07:07.339 --> 00:07:09.341 And really, it's been a great experience. 141 00:07:09.429 --> 00:07:12.562 But as an artist, as somebody that's always trying 142 00:07:12.649 --> 00:07:15.173 to push the envelope and push things forward 143 00:07:15.260 --> 00:07:17.219 creatively and for my audience, 144 00:07:17.306 --> 00:07:20.527 I feel like it's time for me to put myself to the test, 145 00:07:20.614 --> 00:07:22.354 to challenge myself. 146 00:07:22.442 --> 00:07:25.793 And that's the reason I developed this new technique 147 00:07:25.880 --> 00:07:28.186 that I'm so excited to debut tonight, 148 00:07:28.273 --> 00:07:29.623 and I've never tried it before. 149 00:07:29.710 --> 00:07:32.887 So this is like kinda nerve-wracking. 150 00:07:32.974 --> 00:07:35.106 I am going to try something I've called... 151 00:07:35.193 --> 00:07:37.587 I'm calling in my head comedy without a net. 152 00:07:37.674 --> 00:07:40.895 And what that means is... 153 00:07:40.982 --> 00:07:45.160 I'm... I got these jokes, I got these great jokes, okay? 154 00:07:45.247 --> 00:07:48.337 Like great material. Time-tested. 155 00:07:48.424 --> 00:07:50.121 And I'm putting it in my pocket. 156 00:07:50.208 --> 00:07:52.994 Not gonna take a look. 157 00:07:53.081 --> 00:07:55.083 I'm going to access this. 158 00:07:55.170 --> 00:07:57.041 I'm going to access the creative, 159 00:07:57.128 --> 00:08:00.305 the improvisational, the ad-libbery of it all. 160 00:08:00.392 --> 00:08:03.047 The sort of t-t-tapping into sort of 161 00:08:03.134 --> 00:08:05.136 what my friends say are sort of like, you know, 162 00:08:05.223 --> 00:08:07.791 you think something's off with this guy. 163 00:08:07.878 --> 00:08:09.314 [laughing] 164 00:08:09.401 --> 00:08:10.838 Right? Like... 165 00:08:10.925 --> 00:08:12.579 And I don't know what's gonna happen. 166 00:08:12.666 --> 00:08:13.928 I really don't. 167 00:08:14.015 --> 00:08:15.669 It's a blank slate in front of me. 168 00:08:15.756 --> 00:08:17.627 And you know, everyone's kind of worried. 169 00:08:17.714 --> 00:08:19.760 I see the faces are like, uh-oh. 170 00:08:19.847 --> 00:08:22.850 But you know what? I got these just in case. 171 00:08:22.937 --> 00:08:25.113 I'm not saying we're gonna use them, but... 172 00:08:27.332 --> 00:08:29.204 Should we do it or not? Or should I just...? 173 00:08:29.291 --> 00:08:32.163 I could do this. I could... I could do this. 174 00:08:32.250 --> 00:08:33.904 Or should we do comedy without a net? 175 00:08:33.991 --> 00:08:35.471 - I mean, it's up to you. - [scattered cheering] 176 00:08:35.558 --> 00:08:38.082 What do you want to do? Let's do it. 177 00:08:38.169 --> 00:08:41.259 Let's do... Let's throw the shit to the wind. 178 00:08:46.134 --> 00:08:48.353 Let's riff, right? Should we riff? 179 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:49.790 Here we go. 180 00:08:49.877 --> 00:08:53.010 All right! Riffin' up. 181 00:08:53.097 --> 00:08:55.622 Where to begin? I don't even know. 182 00:08:55.709 --> 00:08:56.971 That's what's funny about it. 183 00:08:57.058 --> 00:08:58.407 Um... 184 00:09:02.193 --> 00:09:05.980 Well, the... I was gonna say the fires, um... 185 00:09:11.463 --> 00:09:13.465 Uh, that's not right. 186 00:09:13.553 --> 00:09:15.816 Downtown L.A., am I right? 187 00:09:15.903 --> 00:09:17.208 [scattered cheering] 188 00:09:17.295 --> 00:09:19.167 It's funny, it's like... 189 00:09:19.254 --> 00:09:22.605 It's a whole other pla... It's just different. 190 00:09:22.692 --> 00:09:24.389 It's different. 191 00:09:24.476 --> 00:09:26.130 This part of L.A.'s different. Whatever. 192 00:09:26.217 --> 00:09:27.784 Uh... 193 00:09:30.700 --> 00:09:32.267 What, uh... 194 00:09:32.354 --> 00:09:35.052 What's your name? With the hat, what's...? 195 00:09:35.139 --> 00:09:36.924 - Julie. - Julie. 196 00:09:37.011 --> 00:09:39.579 Okay, Julie... 197 00:09:39.666 --> 00:09:41.929 Julie in the sky with, no, uh... 198 00:09:42.016 --> 00:09:43.583 Julie... 199 00:09:43.670 --> 00:09:45.062 Julia Roberts. 200 00:09:47.108 --> 00:09:48.892 How about you? What's your name, good looking? 201 00:09:48.979 --> 00:09:50.981 - Colin. - Colin. 202 00:09:51.068 --> 00:09:53.331 Colin all car... Colin all cars. 203 00:09:53.418 --> 00:09:57.292 [giggling] 204 00:09:57.379 --> 00:09:58.946 Colin all cars. Colin all cars. 205 00:09:59.033 --> 00:10:00.512 [mimics siren] 206 00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:01.905 [growling] 207 00:10:01.992 --> 00:10:03.907 He's like, don't stop, get it... 208 00:10:05.300 --> 00:10:06.780 Give me a break. 209 00:10:06.867 --> 00:10:08.129 [chuckles] 210 00:10:08.216 --> 00:10:10.000 Oh, what else? How about you? 211 00:10:10.087 --> 00:10:11.175 - Nick. - Nick! 212 00:10:11.262 --> 00:10:12.873 Just in the nick of time. 213 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.919 You see, he showed up just in the nick of time. 214 00:10:21.795 --> 00:10:23.971 Colin all cars. Just in the nick of time. 215 00:10:24.058 --> 00:10:26.451 Julia Roberts here today. What else? 216 00:10:26.538 --> 00:10:27.714 Yes, sir. Big guy. 217 00:10:27.801 --> 00:10:29.759 - Dave. - Dave! 218 00:10:32.370 --> 00:10:35.025 Dave, uh... 219 00:10:35.112 --> 00:10:37.158 David and Goliath. 220 00:10:37.245 --> 00:10:38.725 A lot of Daves. 221 00:10:40.204 --> 00:10:41.684 You okay? 222 00:10:42.990 --> 00:10:44.208 You got a hole in your... 223 00:10:44.295 --> 00:10:45.949 You got a rip in your jean. 224 00:10:47.211 --> 00:10:48.909 You're wearing sandals. 225 00:10:50.475 --> 00:10:52.782 I'm just... I'm seeing what I... 226 00:10:52.869 --> 00:10:55.306 What's your name? What's your name? 227 00:10:56.656 --> 00:10:59.397 - Huh? What? - Cookie. 228 00:10:59.484 --> 00:11:01.486 Cookie? [giggling] 229 00:11:04.925 --> 00:11:07.449 Well, I could go... I could go an hour there. 230 00:11:07.536 --> 00:11:09.930 But, um... [muttering] 231 00:11:10.017 --> 00:11:11.322 Cookie. 232 00:11:11.409 --> 00:11:13.977 Cookie cu... Cookie Monster. 233 00:11:29.297 --> 00:11:31.255 Uh... 234 00:11:31.342 --> 00:11:32.779 [clears throat] 235 00:11:34.302 --> 00:11:36.173 [whistles through teeth] 236 00:11:39.307 --> 00:11:41.309 I... 237 00:11:41.396 --> 00:11:43.224 Well, hold on. I have an idea. 238 00:11:43.311 --> 00:11:44.878 We can do this. 239 00:11:44.965 --> 00:11:46.706 How many people here are love... 240 00:11:46.793 --> 00:11:49.099 hypnos... hypnotic... hypnosis? 241 00:11:49.186 --> 00:11:52.276 We love being hypnotized. We love being hypnotized. 242 00:11:52.363 --> 00:11:54.148 It's kind of a cool thing I can do. 243 00:11:54.235 --> 00:11:56.063 Sort of a little party trick I can do. 244 00:11:56.150 --> 00:11:57.455 It's kinda neat. I'm a hypno... 245 00:11:57.542 --> 00:11:59.240 hypnos... hypnot... 246 00:11:59.327 --> 00:12:01.503 "hypnosist." 247 00:12:01.590 --> 00:12:03.853 And, uh, here's what I want everybody to do. 248 00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:06.377 Everybody, I know it's Friday night. 249 00:12:06.464 --> 00:12:08.771 We all want to party, but what I want everybody to do here 250 00:12:08.858 --> 00:12:11.165 is just relax, okay? 251 00:12:11.252 --> 00:12:13.689 Everybody relax. Everybody... 252 00:12:13.776 --> 00:12:15.778 You feel yourself in your seat, you know what I mean? 253 00:12:15.865 --> 00:12:17.693 Just like feel that backbone. 254 00:12:17.780 --> 00:12:21.001 Feel that... that your rear kinda sit right into the chair. 255 00:12:21.088 --> 00:12:22.654 And close your eyes. 256 00:12:22.742 --> 00:12:23.960 I'm letting you guys close your eyes. 257 00:12:24.047 --> 00:12:25.396 Go ahead, get into that space. 258 00:12:25.483 --> 00:12:27.659 Let them shoulders sag. 259 00:12:27.747 --> 00:12:30.010 Um... 260 00:12:30.097 --> 00:12:32.142 And just everybody chill. 261 00:12:32.229 --> 00:12:34.188 Everybody chill. 262 00:12:34.275 --> 00:12:37.626 And in the... count of... 263 00:12:42.370 --> 00:12:43.675 Everybody chill. 264 00:12:43.763 --> 00:12:46.896 And in the count of three, 265 00:12:46.983 --> 00:12:49.638 you're going to snap out of it on my thumbs. 266 00:12:49.725 --> 00:12:51.596 My snap, whatever, thumbs. 267 00:12:51.683 --> 00:12:52.989 In the count of three, 268 00:12:53.076 --> 00:12:56.427 one, two, three. Wake up! 269 00:12:56.514 --> 00:13:00.344 And you're all gonna be chickens tonight or tomorrow. 270 00:13:00.431 --> 00:13:01.955 Anyways, uh... 271 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:06.655 All right! So, listen, in my business, 272 00:13:06.742 --> 00:13:08.744 you do a lot of flying, right? 273 00:13:08.831 --> 00:13:10.006 Um... 274 00:13:12.792 --> 00:13:14.663 Always flying from here to there. 275 00:13:14.750 --> 00:13:17.927 And I always end up sort of in the last position when flying. 276 00:13:18.014 --> 00:13:19.973 You know, you get to the airport and they say... 277 00:13:20.060 --> 00:13:21.539 You show them your I.D., they say, 278 00:13:21.626 --> 00:13:23.628 "That's too bad, sir. You're in zone 5." 279 00:13:26.544 --> 00:13:29.373 I said, "Well, at least I'm not in the Twilight Zone." 280 00:13:33.813 --> 00:13:35.336 I tell a joke, you... 281 00:13:35.423 --> 00:13:37.555 - [audience] Laugh! - Thank you very much. 282 00:13:39.819 --> 00:13:43.213 Finally I got a chance to go in one of those 007 banks. 283 00:13:43.300 --> 00:13:45.694 You've seen these? These 007 banks? 284 00:13:45.781 --> 00:13:47.261 It's pretty in there. I went in there. 285 00:13:47.348 --> 00:13:49.829 I said, "I would like a bond, a savings bond." 286 00:13:53.528 --> 00:13:55.356 Pretty good. 287 00:13:55.443 --> 00:13:57.967 Finally got a chance to hear the music of Keith Urban. 288 00:13:59.926 --> 00:14:02.058 I thought to myself, gee, this guy might want 289 00:14:02.145 --> 00:14:04.713 to change his name to Keith Rural, 290 00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:06.193 if you know what I mean. 291 00:14:09.718 --> 00:14:11.763 But boy, there's a lot of women in music these days, 292 00:14:11.851 --> 00:14:13.548 don't you think? 293 00:14:13.635 --> 00:14:16.638 A lot of women in music. 294 00:14:16.725 --> 00:14:18.205 I love it. I think it's great. 295 00:14:18.292 --> 00:14:20.947 Listen, believe me. I think it's terrific. 296 00:14:21.034 --> 00:14:25.081 Uh, I... I heard this story 'cause I'm in the industry. 297 00:14:25.168 --> 00:14:27.518 I get some of these inside stories, kinda cool. 298 00:14:27.605 --> 00:14:29.564 I heard this, I couldn't believe it was true. 299 00:14:29.651 --> 00:14:32.654 This young musician, she was, I guess, 300 00:14:32.741 --> 00:14:34.874 just starting out, and she was in the studio 301 00:14:34.961 --> 00:14:36.614 and she was singing her song. 302 00:14:36.701 --> 00:14:38.878 And she couldn't get a sense of the tempo, you know? 303 00:14:38.965 --> 00:14:41.184 She couldn't get a sense of whether it should be too fast 304 00:14:41.271 --> 00:14:43.012 or too slow, she didn't know what was going on. 305 00:14:43.099 --> 00:14:45.406 So she was young. She said to the producer 306 00:14:45.493 --> 00:14:49.584 or the engineer, whoever it was behind the board, you know, 307 00:14:49.671 --> 00:14:52.456 and she said, "Can you help me here 308 00:14:52.543 --> 00:14:53.805 "with the pace of this? 309 00:14:53.893 --> 00:14:55.807 Is it too fast? Is it too slow?" 310 00:14:55.895 --> 00:14:58.201 And the engineer, he doesn't know, right? 311 00:14:58.288 --> 00:14:59.899 He's just pushing buttons, right? 312 00:14:59.986 --> 00:15:02.945 He goes to the producer who's sitting next to him, 313 00:15:03.032 --> 00:15:05.992 or manager, we don't know. 314 00:15:07.515 --> 00:15:08.908 And... 315 00:15:10.822 --> 00:15:12.302 ...he says, "What should I tell her here?" 316 00:15:12.389 --> 00:15:13.869 You know, "What should we say?" And he goes... 317 00:15:13.956 --> 00:15:16.959 [Southern accent] Taylor Swift. 318 00:15:17.046 --> 00:15:19.092 Taylor... Taylor Swift. 319 00:15:19.179 --> 00:15:21.572 Tell her to play the song swiftly. 320 00:15:23.009 --> 00:15:24.140 Yeah. 321 00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:28.057 And then, of course, Lady Gaga's out there 322 00:15:28.144 --> 00:15:30.625 doing her "thang." 323 00:15:30.712 --> 00:15:32.975 How many Lady Gaga fans we have here tonight? 324 00:15:33.062 --> 00:15:34.585 I count myself. 325 00:15:34.672 --> 00:15:37.458 I think what she's doing is important and cool. 326 00:15:37.545 --> 00:15:40.635 And, um... 327 00:15:40.722 --> 00:15:41.941 I love... No, I love Lady Gaga. 328 00:15:42.028 --> 00:15:44.508 But what's next, Lord Googoo? 329 00:15:49.252 --> 00:15:52.212 Hey, and whatever happened to U2? 330 00:15:52.299 --> 00:15:53.517 Whatever happened to U2? 331 00:15:53.604 --> 00:15:55.258 Where did they go? 332 00:15:55.345 --> 00:15:56.477 They used to come out with an album every year. 333 00:15:56.564 --> 00:15:58.261 Suddenly they disappeared. 334 00:15:58.348 --> 00:16:00.481 Does anybody know where they came up with the name U2? 335 00:16:00.568 --> 00:16:02.700 Does anybody know the history there, 336 00:16:02.787 --> 00:16:04.702 where the name U2 came from? 337 00:16:04.789 --> 00:16:06.269 Does anybody know where the name U2 came...? 338 00:16:06.356 --> 00:16:07.879 Does anybody, anybody over here know...? 339 00:16:07.967 --> 00:16:09.577 What's that? 340 00:16:09.664 --> 00:16:11.144 Do you know where the name U2, 341 00:16:11.231 --> 00:16:13.059 where the name of the band U2 came from? 342 00:16:13.146 --> 00:16:15.757 Do you know where the name of the band U2 came from? 343 00:16:15.844 --> 00:16:18.934 The name of the band of the... [stammering] 344 00:16:19.021 --> 00:16:21.589 The name of the band U2, this is true, 345 00:16:21.676 --> 00:16:24.331 came from the "untalented two." 346 00:16:24.418 --> 00:16:26.072 And it was... 347 00:16:27.595 --> 00:16:29.249 [sighs] ...in reference to the drummer, 348 00:16:29.336 --> 00:16:31.294 what's his name, Larry Clayton. 349 00:16:31.381 --> 00:16:32.817 Bullshit, some bullshit. 350 00:16:32.904 --> 00:16:34.863 And the bass player. 351 00:16:34.950 --> 00:16:37.561 And those guys are not... Edge does all the drums 352 00:16:37.648 --> 00:16:41.391 and the bass, and Bono does the drums and... 353 00:16:41.478 --> 00:16:42.653 So... 354 00:16:45.004 --> 00:16:46.788 The untalented two. 355 00:16:46.875 --> 00:16:48.137 Boy, what about these records? 356 00:16:48.224 --> 00:16:50.574 Speaking of music, 357 00:16:50.661 --> 00:16:52.446 these records that come out, you know. 358 00:16:52.533 --> 00:16:54.970 These records come out that... that... 359 00:16:55.057 --> 00:16:58.408 When they come out, they're not received well 360 00:16:58.495 --> 00:17:00.193 or they kinda go under the radar. 361 00:17:00.280 --> 00:17:02.804 They kind of are lost. They're forgotten. 362 00:17:02.891 --> 00:17:04.936 And then, turns out, 20, 30, 40 years later, 363 00:17:05.024 --> 00:17:07.156 they're massive classic music. 364 00:17:07.243 --> 00:17:09.158 You know, they're genre-defining. 365 00:17:09.245 --> 00:17:11.204 They're important music. 366 00:17:11.291 --> 00:17:14.163 But when they come out, they kinda don't get recognized 367 00:17:14.250 --> 00:17:15.947 the way they should, you know? Like the... 368 00:17:16.035 --> 00:17:17.688 What's like the first Velvet Underground? 369 00:17:17.775 --> 00:17:19.212 Everyone knows that story, right? 370 00:17:19.299 --> 00:17:20.865 You've come out with a... No one buys it. 371 00:17:20.952 --> 00:17:23.607 But yet here we are. It's the number-one record 372 00:17:23.694 --> 00:17:26.697 of all time or, you know, it's huge. 373 00:17:29.048 --> 00:17:31.615 Like for the big one, the big example is "Pet Sounds." 374 00:17:31.702 --> 00:17:33.748 A lot of people don't know this, "Pet Sounds," 375 00:17:33.835 --> 00:17:37.099 by the Beach Boys, is, we can all agree, 376 00:17:37.186 --> 00:17:38.753 is just a classic record, correct? 377 00:17:38.840 --> 00:17:40.189 It's classic album. 378 00:17:40.276 --> 00:17:42.887 At the time, was not well-received. 379 00:17:42.974 --> 00:17:45.325 It came out, it was not a big hit. 380 00:17:45.412 --> 00:17:48.241 It was, you know, kinda considered a little weird 381 00:17:48.328 --> 00:17:49.633 by their audience. 382 00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:52.201 And I... I mean, I love "Pet Sounds." 383 00:17:52.288 --> 00:17:54.334 Can I get an applause for that? I mean, this is... 384 00:17:54.421 --> 00:17:58.033 - [cheering and applause] - I love "Pet Sounds"! 385 00:17:58.120 --> 00:17:59.643 It's a classic! 386 00:17:59.730 --> 00:18:01.036 I love "Pet Sounds," I really do. 387 00:18:01.123 --> 00:18:03.212 But what I hate... 388 00:18:03.299 --> 00:18:04.866 are pet peeves. I just... 389 00:18:04.953 --> 00:18:06.998 Don't they drive you nuts? 390 00:18:10.045 --> 00:18:14.615 Just the hangnails or other examples... 391 00:18:14.702 --> 00:18:16.399 of pet peeves. 392 00:18:18.314 --> 00:18:20.403 We gotta do something about the English language, 393 00:18:20.490 --> 00:18:21.752 by the way, don't you think? 394 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:23.667 I mean, it's like... 395 00:18:23.754 --> 00:18:25.843 It is always getting us in trouble. 396 00:18:25.930 --> 00:18:27.671 Uh... 397 00:18:27.758 --> 00:18:29.673 I have one example of that. 398 00:18:31.806 --> 00:18:33.155 I know this is the col... 399 00:18:33.242 --> 00:18:34.809 this is like the flu season, right? 400 00:18:34.896 --> 00:18:36.767 What do you call it when you got a sore throat 401 00:18:36.854 --> 00:18:38.552 and your stuffy nose, what is that? 402 00:18:38.639 --> 00:18:41.468 - [man] Sick. - No, it's a cold. 403 00:18:46.255 --> 00:18:48.039 I called my friend. I go, "Hey, Larry, 404 00:18:48.127 --> 00:18:49.345 you wanna meet for dinner?" He goes, "Nah, I got a cold. 405 00:18:49.432 --> 00:18:51.260 I can't come out. I can't go out." 406 00:18:52.783 --> 00:18:54.176 I go, "Okay." 407 00:18:54.263 --> 00:18:56.222 Uh... 408 00:18:56.309 --> 00:18:58.441 But here's the thing. 409 00:18:58.528 --> 00:19:00.226 When we're feeling good, when we're feeling healthy, 410 00:19:00.313 --> 00:19:02.663 we don't say we've got a hot. 411 00:19:07.363 --> 00:19:09.757 Look it up. 412 00:19:09.844 --> 00:19:11.150 We don't do it. 413 00:19:12.194 --> 00:19:13.978 We don't do it. 414 00:19:15.589 --> 00:19:17.547 Say, how many people here have a New Year's resolution 415 00:19:17.634 --> 00:19:20.159 from this coming... I don't know, when... 416 00:19:20.246 --> 00:19:22.857 This... [stammering] 417 00:19:22.944 --> 00:19:26.034 Think it's almost New Year's. I could do it this way. 418 00:19:26.121 --> 00:19:27.688 How many people are going to have 419 00:19:27.775 --> 00:19:29.864 a New Year's resolution this year? 420 00:19:29.951 --> 00:19:32.040 - Anybody? - [scattered cheering] 421 00:19:32.127 --> 00:19:33.607 I got one, by the way. 422 00:19:33.694 --> 00:19:35.174 What is yours, by the way? What's yours? 423 00:19:35.261 --> 00:19:36.827 Doesn't matter. Say anything. 424 00:19:36.914 --> 00:19:39.090 What is your New Year's resolution gonna be? 425 00:19:39.178 --> 00:19:40.440 [woman] To get a new job. 426 00:19:40.527 --> 00:19:42.224 Get a new job. Okay. 427 00:19:42.311 --> 00:19:43.791 What's... [chuckling] 428 00:19:43.878 --> 00:19:45.793 What is your... What's your job now? 429 00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:47.403 - [woman] Fifth-grade teacher. - Fifth-grade teacher. 430 00:19:47.490 --> 00:19:49.188 Well, you should be a sixth-grade teacher. 431 00:19:49.275 --> 00:19:50.798 I don't know. 432 00:19:53.322 --> 00:19:54.715 There you go. 433 00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.547 You know, I got a... 434 00:20:00.634 --> 00:20:01.939 I got a New Year's resolution, 435 00:20:02.026 --> 00:20:04.115 and it's kind of a little controversial. 436 00:20:05.943 --> 00:20:07.075 You ready for it? 437 00:20:07.162 --> 00:20:08.946 [audience] Yeah! 438 00:20:09.033 --> 00:20:10.339 Come here. 439 00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:14.082 No more bullshit. 440 00:20:14.169 --> 00:20:16.040 - [scattered cheering] - No more bullshit. 441 00:20:16.127 --> 00:20:18.304 [cheering and applause] 442 00:20:18.391 --> 00:20:19.827 No more... 443 00:20:19.914 --> 00:20:21.045 [audience] Bullshit! 444 00:20:21.132 --> 00:20:22.395 - No more... - Bullshit! 445 00:20:22.482 --> 00:20:24.223 - I said no more... - Bullshit! 446 00:20:24.310 --> 00:20:26.573 No more bullshit! 447 00:20:26.660 --> 00:20:28.575 I went into a restaurant 448 00:20:28.662 --> 00:20:30.794 to get a cheeseburger the other day. 449 00:20:30.881 --> 00:20:32.535 I said, "Can I get a cheeseburger?" 450 00:20:32.622 --> 00:20:33.971 This guy behind the counter, he goes, "Oh, well, 451 00:20:34.058 --> 00:20:36.191 we only have veggie burgers, man." 452 00:20:40.413 --> 00:20:42.284 With Brussels sprouts and this and that 453 00:20:42.371 --> 00:20:44.982 and, uh, turkey... not turkey, fuck! 454 00:20:53.643 --> 00:20:56.167 Let's try it again, right? I got it. 455 00:20:56.255 --> 00:20:57.691 Try it again. 456 00:20:57.778 --> 00:20:59.736 No more bullshit. 457 00:21:03.174 --> 00:21:06.569 "Well, we got, uh, veggie burger with Brussels sprout." 458 00:21:06.656 --> 00:21:08.876 Not Brussels sprouts. Fuck! 459 00:21:10.051 --> 00:21:11.182 Uh... 460 00:21:14.882 --> 00:21:16.797 Seitan tofu. 461 00:21:16.884 --> 00:21:20.104 "A tofu burger with a bit of cheese 462 00:21:20.191 --> 00:21:23.586 and a tofu this and that." 463 00:21:26.633 --> 00:21:28.678 My wife comes home with these no-salt chips. 464 00:21:28.765 --> 00:21:31.290 Fuck you! No more bullshit. 465 00:21:34.728 --> 00:21:38.079 And everybody with their head meds. 466 00:21:40.951 --> 00:21:43.737 "Oh, I'm so sad. I can't get up in the morning." 467 00:21:43.824 --> 00:21:45.869 [sobbing] 468 00:21:45.956 --> 00:21:47.871 "I'm happy now." 469 00:21:51.788 --> 00:21:53.312 Anybody on head meds here? 470 00:21:54.574 --> 00:21:58.360 [dopey voice] Hm, I'm so sorry... for you. 471 00:21:58.447 --> 00:22:00.667 Everything is so hard. 472 00:22:03.800 --> 00:22:06.020 [normal voice] I'm tired of your bullshit. 473 00:22:06.107 --> 00:22:08.849 I'll have no more of it. 474 00:22:08.936 --> 00:22:11.373 My wife is on these head meds. 475 00:22:15.725 --> 00:22:16.987 "I can't get out of bed." 476 00:22:17.074 --> 00:22:18.380 [mockingly sobbing] 477 00:22:22.210 --> 00:22:23.864 I love my wife, though. I really do. 478 00:22:23.951 --> 00:22:27.302 It's a... I call her the nag, though. 479 00:22:27.389 --> 00:22:30.697 Just... she doesn't like that. 480 00:22:30.784 --> 00:22:32.046 I know the girls here are sorta like, 481 00:22:32.133 --> 00:22:34.570 "Oh, he's married." 482 00:22:39.836 --> 00:22:41.621 I'll tell you, usually I'm wearing this here. 483 00:22:41.708 --> 00:22:45.102 When I'm on the road, this comes off. 484 00:22:45.189 --> 00:22:46.452 Oh, yeah. 485 00:22:48.192 --> 00:22:50.194 Guys are like, "Yep." 486 00:22:56.375 --> 00:22:59.116 [sighing] Yes, my wife... 487 00:22:59.203 --> 00:23:02.772 It was recently her birthday and, uh, decided she's... 488 00:23:02.859 --> 00:23:04.252 I said, "What do you want for your birthday, hon?" 489 00:23:04.339 --> 00:23:06.820 She goes, "I want to go to the opera." 490 00:23:12.869 --> 00:23:14.393 Okay. 491 00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:17.613 I, uh... got her some tickets. 492 00:23:17.700 --> 00:23:19.702 Two tickets to the opera. 493 00:23:19.789 --> 00:23:21.443 And, uh, it was funny. 494 00:23:21.530 --> 00:23:22.879 It's a good story, it's a good story. 495 00:23:22.966 --> 00:23:25.795 Um... 496 00:23:25.882 --> 00:23:27.623 A little sneak peek of maybe a one-man show. 497 00:23:27.710 --> 00:23:29.277 This could be a movie. I don't know. 498 00:23:29.364 --> 00:23:35.022 But, um... I get there to this, uh, opera house 499 00:23:35.109 --> 00:23:36.545 and I'm sitting there, 500 00:23:36.632 --> 00:23:38.417 I got my suit on, I'm looking good. 501 00:23:38.504 --> 00:23:42.464 And, uh... this shows starts. 502 00:23:42.551 --> 00:23:44.379 Opera starts, you know? 503 00:23:44.466 --> 00:23:46.903 And I'm looking around, this guy's up on stage, 504 00:23:46.990 --> 00:23:48.557 some jerk's up there going... 505 00:23:48.644 --> 00:23:50.472 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 506 00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:52.474 ♪ This and that ♪ [singing gibberish] 507 00:23:52.561 --> 00:23:53.954 Right? 508 00:24:01.178 --> 00:24:03.833 Looking around. An hour goes by. 509 00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:08.316 I couldn't take it. 510 00:24:08.403 --> 00:24:11.232 I stood up, I go, "Shut the fuck up!" 511 00:24:19.370 --> 00:24:20.502 Well, it's the early crowd. 512 00:24:20.589 --> 00:24:21.938 That's usually a standing "O." 513 00:24:22.025 --> 00:24:24.811 Um... I'll let you work up to it. 514 00:24:24.898 --> 00:24:26.508 There's more to the story. 515 00:24:26.595 --> 00:24:28.815 So the security comes in. "You can't do that!" 516 00:24:28.902 --> 00:24:30.599 Fuck off. 517 00:24:33.297 --> 00:24:35.952 I sit down, my wife is crying. 518 00:24:39.782 --> 00:24:44.918 An hour goes by, another hour goes by, folks, okay? 519 00:24:45.005 --> 00:24:47.529 This is a four or five-hour opera. 520 00:24:49.879 --> 00:24:51.620 This guy's still up there, this jackoff... 521 00:24:51.707 --> 00:24:54.144 ♪ Ma, ma, ma, me, me, me, me, me, me, ma, ma, ma ♪ 522 00:24:54.231 --> 00:24:56.103 ♪ Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪ 523 00:24:59.585 --> 00:25:01.456 I can't hold it back. I get up and, 524 00:25:01.543 --> 00:25:07.331 "Shut the fuck up!" 525 00:25:08.376 --> 00:25:10.857 Yeah! Thank you. 526 00:25:10.944 --> 00:25:12.815 Thank you. 527 00:25:12.902 --> 00:25:15.557 That's what you've gotta do. 528 00:25:15.644 --> 00:25:17.951 That's what you've gotta do. 529 00:25:18.038 --> 00:25:21.781 No more bullshit. No more bullshit. 530 00:25:21.868 --> 00:25:24.348 - [audience] No more bullshit! - No more bullshit. 531 00:25:24.435 --> 00:25:25.828 [audience] No more bullshit! 532 00:25:25.915 --> 00:25:28.135 Thank you. 533 00:25:30.616 --> 00:25:32.922 Ah, boy. 534 00:25:33.009 --> 00:25:34.489 Well, you know, we've got kids now 535 00:25:34.576 --> 00:25:37.666 and, um, I do love the kids. I love them. 536 00:25:37.753 --> 00:25:40.190 I was a little disappointed because I was hoping there'd be 537 00:25:40.277 --> 00:25:42.715 more material, uh, material in there. 538 00:25:42.802 --> 00:25:46.109 Uh... but they're doing fine 539 00:25:46.196 --> 00:25:51.724 and there's nothing for me to work with so much but, um... 540 00:25:51.811 --> 00:25:53.595 I do kind of miss the old days, 541 00:25:53.682 --> 00:25:56.076 you know, before the kids, when it was just me and my wife 542 00:25:56.163 --> 00:25:59.993 and we were just a couple of nine-to-fivers, you know? 543 00:26:01.385 --> 00:26:03.170 How many not... Before the comedy career... 544 00:26:03.257 --> 00:26:05.607 how many people here are nine-to-fivers, 545 00:26:05.694 --> 00:26:06.869 just pushing it through every day? 546 00:26:06.956 --> 00:26:08.523 Eight hours a day. 547 00:26:08.610 --> 00:26:10.090 Eight... Nine to five, 40 hours a week, 548 00:26:10.177 --> 00:26:11.874 just pushing the grind. 549 00:26:11.961 --> 00:26:13.789 You guys are making the country work, by the way. 550 00:26:13.876 --> 00:26:15.530 You guys are turning that wheel. 551 00:26:15.617 --> 00:26:18.664 And we salute you. 552 00:26:18.751 --> 00:26:20.840 Yeah, I was doing the nine-to-five thing for a while 553 00:26:20.927 --> 00:26:22.755 and, uh, actually a little... 554 00:26:22.842 --> 00:26:24.234 I was sort of doing the nine-to-five thing. 555 00:26:24.321 --> 00:26:26.106 I was also doing a little day trading. 556 00:26:26.193 --> 00:26:28.630 You know about day... you know, day trading. 557 00:26:28.717 --> 00:26:30.284 Uh, kind of did that for a little while. 558 00:26:30.371 --> 00:26:31.851 I used this E-Trade. 559 00:26:31.938 --> 00:26:34.288 Um... You know, it's kind of cool. 560 00:26:34.375 --> 00:26:38.031 E-Trade, uh, sort of lets you... 561 00:26:38.118 --> 00:26:40.555 invest at your own pace, I guess. 562 00:26:40.642 --> 00:26:42.949 It's kind of cool. 563 00:26:43.036 --> 00:26:44.603 I got sort of into it for awhile. 564 00:26:44.690 --> 00:26:48.084 They let you kind of... kind of customize your, 565 00:26:48.171 --> 00:26:50.260 um, the way you want to invest, 566 00:26:50.347 --> 00:26:53.394 you know, so you can be... get a little risky, you know, 567 00:26:53.481 --> 00:26:55.439 uh, or sort of play it safe. 568 00:26:55.526 --> 00:26:56.832 It's a whole range. 569 00:26:56.919 --> 00:26:58.138 You could... you could get analytics 570 00:26:58.225 --> 00:26:59.966 and mess around with that. 571 00:27:00.053 --> 00:27:01.750 I'd mess around with that for a little bit, 572 00:27:01.837 --> 00:27:05.101 but it was... it was just a good service, you know? 573 00:27:05.188 --> 00:27:06.537 It's easy too. 574 00:27:06.625 --> 00:27:08.365 You just go to ETrade.com, log in 575 00:27:08.452 --> 00:27:11.847 or set up an account, link it to your fucking bank account. 576 00:27:11.934 --> 00:27:15.068 It's, like, too easy. And it's funny. 577 00:27:15.155 --> 00:27:17.940 It's, like, 'cause there still fucking people on Ameritrade. 578 00:27:18.027 --> 00:27:20.116 Just, like.. 579 00:27:20.203 --> 00:27:22.292 Which doesn't have the tools that E-Trade has. 580 00:27:22.379 --> 00:27:25.034 It's, like, okay. 581 00:27:25.121 --> 00:27:26.514 But, um... 582 00:27:30.170 --> 00:27:31.867 I was doing the nine-to-five thing 583 00:27:31.954 --> 00:27:33.434 and my wife was doing the nine-to-five thing 584 00:27:33.521 --> 00:27:35.262 and it was sort of just those salad days, 585 00:27:35.349 --> 00:27:37.220 you know, where you didn't have a lot of responsibilities. 586 00:27:37.307 --> 00:27:40.397 And we had this routine where we would sort of... 587 00:27:40.484 --> 00:27:42.182 I would, uh... she would cook dinner 588 00:27:42.269 --> 00:27:43.879 and I would come home and on the way home, 589 00:27:43.966 --> 00:27:45.794 I would stop and get a bottle of wine. 590 00:27:45.881 --> 00:27:48.492 I would get, uh, just nothing fancy, you know? 591 00:27:48.579 --> 00:27:50.233 Just, like, whatever they had at 7-Eleven 592 00:27:50.320 --> 00:27:53.106 and just sort of, um... 593 00:27:53.193 --> 00:27:55.195 Just good, just straight, you know, 594 00:27:55.282 --> 00:27:56.979 just perfectly fine wine. 595 00:27:57.066 --> 00:27:59.199 Just not... nothing to write home about. 596 00:27:59.286 --> 00:28:00.853 And, you know, we'd sit there at the dinner table, 597 00:28:00.940 --> 00:28:03.159 the kitchen table and, uh, 598 00:28:03.246 --> 00:28:04.639 you know, we'd talk about our day 599 00:28:04.726 --> 00:28:06.597 and we'd sort of laugh about it 600 00:28:06.685 --> 00:28:08.077 and we'd eat and we'd drink and we had... 601 00:28:08.164 --> 00:28:10.036 you know, we'd... by the end of the meal, 602 00:28:10.123 --> 00:28:12.865 a couple hours go by and we've drunk the whole bottle of wine. 603 00:28:12.952 --> 00:28:15.128 We just, like... you know? 604 00:28:15.215 --> 00:28:17.217 And we do that, you know, throughout the week. 605 00:28:17.304 --> 00:28:20.133 And, um... 606 00:28:20.220 --> 00:28:24.572 And of course on the weekend, things changed a little bit. 607 00:28:24.659 --> 00:28:26.356 Uh, I don't know if you guys are like me, 608 00:28:26.443 --> 00:28:29.185 but I have a garage and in that garage is a big fridge. 609 00:28:29.272 --> 00:28:32.972 And in that fridge is some ice-cold... Coronas! 610 00:28:33.059 --> 00:28:36.976 Yeah! Right? 611 00:28:37.063 --> 00:28:39.108 Ooh, ice-cold Coronas, getting me thirsty 612 00:28:39.195 --> 00:28:41.807 just thinking about it. 613 00:28:41.894 --> 00:28:44.766 And I'll tell you, Saturday mornings, I'd get up 614 00:28:44.853 --> 00:28:47.726 and, uh, about 9:00 or 10:00 in the morning, 615 00:28:47.813 --> 00:28:51.207 I'd crack open my first Corona of the day. 616 00:28:51.294 --> 00:28:53.427 And I'd go out on the back porch and I just said... 617 00:28:53.514 --> 00:28:54.515 you know, nothing on the schedule, 618 00:28:54.602 --> 00:28:55.603 nothing to worry about. 619 00:28:55.690 --> 00:28:58.954 I'd check E-Trade, um... 620 00:28:59.041 --> 00:29:00.477 see where my money's at 621 00:29:00.564 --> 00:29:03.480 and, uh, just waste the day away. 622 00:29:03.567 --> 00:29:06.745 Just sort of drink and talk and hang out and just buy... 623 00:29:06.832 --> 00:29:08.355 You know, you know how it happens 624 00:29:08.442 --> 00:29:10.270 when you're kinda going through your Coronas 625 00:29:10.357 --> 00:29:12.576 and you get sort of like... Suddenly the sun's setting. 626 00:29:12.663 --> 00:29:14.753 You're like, "What?!" you know? 627 00:29:14.840 --> 00:29:17.756 And I'll kind of stumble into the house 628 00:29:17.843 --> 00:29:22.761 and crash down on the couch and, you know, pass out. 629 00:29:22.848 --> 00:29:25.154 And, jeez, you know, middle of the night I wake up 630 00:29:25.241 --> 00:29:28.375 and I gotta fucking piss, right, guys? 631 00:29:30.638 --> 00:29:33.162 And I go in... I go into the guest bathroom 632 00:29:33.249 --> 00:29:35.730 and whip it out and, you know... 633 00:29:37.906 --> 00:29:40.779 [imitating urinating] 634 00:29:48.874 --> 00:29:51.311 [coughing] 635 00:29:51.398 --> 00:29:55.881 [imitating urinating] 636 00:29:57.360 --> 00:30:00.015 Stumble back, pass out, wake up at 6:00 a.m. 637 00:30:00.102 --> 00:30:01.930 There's televangelists on the TV. 638 00:30:02.017 --> 00:30:03.584 I don't know where I am. 639 00:30:03.671 --> 00:30:07.370 I spend the rest of Sunday like this, "Uh..." 640 00:30:12.593 --> 00:30:14.769 And that's... that was sort of the routine. 641 00:30:20.557 --> 00:30:22.037 But I do wanna... I give my wife a hard time. 642 00:30:22.124 --> 00:30:23.647 You know, I give her a hard time. 643 00:30:23.734 --> 00:30:25.606 I love her very much and I'm proud of her. 644 00:30:25.693 --> 00:30:27.216 And I want to give her a little shout-out tonight. 645 00:30:27.303 --> 00:30:28.783 She's been working really hard on something. 646 00:30:28.870 --> 00:30:30.219 She started her own business, 647 00:30:30.306 --> 00:30:32.178 and we're very proud of her for that. 648 00:30:32.265 --> 00:30:36.486 We love, uh, entrepreneurs here, and she started this business. 649 00:30:36.573 --> 00:30:38.706 It's so cool because she's... she's very smart. 650 00:30:38.793 --> 00:30:40.795 She's very design savvy. 651 00:30:40.882 --> 00:30:43.319 You know, she... she understands the feng shui 652 00:30:43.406 --> 00:30:45.278 of the area and everything. 653 00:30:45.365 --> 00:30:47.628 And I think there's a lot of... There's some people here with, 654 00:30:47.715 --> 00:30:50.892 you know, horse blinders on when it comes to candles, 655 00:30:50.979 --> 00:30:53.286 and she started this company called 656 00:30:53.373 --> 00:30:55.288 Mix My Candles. 657 00:30:55.375 --> 00:30:57.943 And there's a website for it, MixMyCandles.com. 658 00:30:58.030 --> 00:31:01.729 And, uh... it's so cool. 659 00:31:01.816 --> 00:31:03.687 What she does is she kind of... kind of analyzes 660 00:31:03.774 --> 00:31:05.864 your candle situation. And guys are great for this 661 00:31:05.951 --> 00:31:08.301 'cause guys don't know anything about candles. 662 00:31:08.388 --> 00:31:10.999 Am I right, ladies? 663 00:31:11.086 --> 00:31:15.395 And, uh, she'll come in and she'll evaluate the situation 664 00:31:15.482 --> 00:31:18.746 and she will mix your candles around. 665 00:31:18.833 --> 00:31:21.488 And it's amazing how it's... It sounds so simple, 666 00:31:21.575 --> 00:31:23.316 but it changes everything. 667 00:31:23.403 --> 00:31:25.753 Um... 668 00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:28.756 But I love sort of demoing it with the guys in the audience. 669 00:31:28.843 --> 00:31:30.366 Is there a guy... You come up here. 670 00:31:30.453 --> 00:31:31.846 What's your name? Dave. 671 00:31:31.933 --> 00:31:34.675 The big Dave and Goliath, everybody! 672 00:31:34.762 --> 00:31:36.764 Come up here. I'll tell ya. 673 00:31:36.851 --> 00:31:39.375 Come up. Come up here. 674 00:31:39.462 --> 00:31:41.334 Let's hear it for Dave, Big Dave. 675 00:31:41.421 --> 00:31:45.425 [cheering and applause] 676 00:31:45.512 --> 00:31:47.514 Big Dave with the tight shirt. 677 00:31:50.169 --> 00:31:52.519 Here comes the Big Dave up on stage. 678 00:31:54.173 --> 00:31:55.522 He can climb up. 679 00:31:55.609 --> 00:31:56.697 He doesn't have to be a big entrance. 680 00:31:56.784 --> 00:31:59.613 Come here, come here, guy. 681 00:31:59.700 --> 00:32:01.093 You got your karate slippers on. 682 00:32:01.180 --> 00:32:02.833 Stand right here. 683 00:32:08.056 --> 00:32:10.015 Got the Nazi haircut. 684 00:32:13.105 --> 00:32:14.845 What's your, uh, what's your full name? 685 00:32:14.933 --> 00:32:18.806 - David Viabundo. - Okay. 686 00:32:18.893 --> 00:32:21.635 David "Viablumbo" needs to brush his teeth, folks. 687 00:32:21.722 --> 00:32:23.202 He's, uh... 688 00:32:26.335 --> 00:32:28.947 So tell me... Listen, Dave. 689 00:32:29.034 --> 00:32:31.645 Tell me a little bit about your home, your apartment. 690 00:32:31.732 --> 00:32:33.516 I assume you live in an apartment. 691 00:32:33.603 --> 00:32:36.128 You're not living in a home. This guy, I mean, come on. 692 00:32:36.215 --> 00:32:37.781 Let's be real. 693 00:32:37.868 --> 00:32:39.696 Where are you living, what's your situation? 694 00:32:39.783 --> 00:32:41.133 One-bedroom apartment. 695 00:32:41.220 --> 00:32:42.786 Okay. 696 00:32:45.050 --> 00:32:47.530 Um, and tell me your candle situation. 697 00:32:47.617 --> 00:32:48.967 Where are... where are your candles? 698 00:32:49.054 --> 00:32:50.620 I have three candles. 699 00:32:50.707 --> 00:32:52.187 Pretty good for a one bedroom. 700 00:32:52.274 --> 00:32:54.798 - For a one bedroom. - Pretty nice, okay. 701 00:32:54.885 --> 00:32:56.931 Bathroom, kitchen, living room. 702 00:32:57.018 --> 00:32:58.237 Okay, we can work with this. 703 00:32:58.324 --> 00:32:59.586 This is... this is cool. 704 00:32:59.673 --> 00:33:01.066 Um, by the way, is this... 705 00:33:01.153 --> 00:33:02.589 You said this was your girlfriend. 706 00:33:02.676 --> 00:33:03.938 - Yeah, right there. - What's your name? 707 00:33:04.025 --> 00:33:05.287 - Daniella. - Daniella, okay. 708 00:33:05.374 --> 00:33:06.767 And you guys... you guys live together? 709 00:33:06.854 --> 00:33:08.812 - Yeah. - Mmm! 710 00:33:11.250 --> 00:33:13.121 How long has this been going on? 711 00:33:13.208 --> 00:33:14.688 We've been together for five years. 712 00:33:14.775 --> 00:33:16.211 Five years. 713 00:33:16.298 --> 00:33:18.605 That's terrific! 714 00:33:18.692 --> 00:33:20.128 Let's hear it for this five-year relate... 715 00:33:20.215 --> 00:33:22.826 living together, one-bedroom apartment. 716 00:33:22.913 --> 00:33:24.872 You guys don't have a lot of personal space, 717 00:33:24.959 --> 00:33:26.830 I assume, at the apartment. 718 00:33:26.917 --> 00:33:28.223 - No. - Okay. 719 00:33:30.443 --> 00:33:32.140 Five years... girlfriend. 720 00:33:32.227 --> 00:33:35.926 No, uh... no next steps here. 721 00:33:37.319 --> 00:33:38.625 There will be. 722 00:33:38.712 --> 00:33:40.627 - Oh, there will be. - There will be. 723 00:33:40.714 --> 00:33:42.063 Well, what, do you love her? 724 00:33:42.150 --> 00:33:44.326 I love her. 725 00:33:44.413 --> 00:33:45.719 Do you love him? 726 00:33:48.026 --> 00:33:50.463 Well, hold on, I mean... 727 00:33:50.550 --> 00:33:52.117 What are you doing? 728 00:33:52.204 --> 00:33:53.422 I mean, what's... What are you waiting for? 729 00:33:53.509 --> 00:33:55.076 It's all about timing, Tim. 730 00:33:55.163 --> 00:33:57.513 It's... Well, what better timing than this? 731 00:33:57.600 --> 00:34:01.517 These people are your... This is a supportive place. 732 00:34:01.604 --> 00:34:03.084 If you feel strongly... 733 00:34:03.171 --> 00:34:04.303 What is the... what is the problem? 734 00:34:04.390 --> 00:34:05.913 What is this delay? 735 00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:07.915 Why don't you just be a man here 736 00:34:08.002 --> 00:34:09.743 and make a decision? 737 00:34:09.830 --> 00:34:11.049 Is this who you want to spend your life with or not? 738 00:34:11.136 --> 00:34:12.485 - Yes! - Well, let's do it. 739 00:34:12.572 --> 00:34:13.964 Get up here! 740 00:34:14.052 --> 00:34:15.357 Let's fucking do it. 741 00:34:17.011 --> 00:34:18.447 Come on. 742 00:34:18.534 --> 00:34:19.448 Get... And don't get her the back way. 743 00:34:19.535 --> 00:34:20.710 Get her up on stage. 744 00:34:20.797 --> 00:34:22.060 I don't care how you do it, 745 00:34:22.147 --> 00:34:24.758 'cause he's gonna change his mind. 746 00:34:24.845 --> 00:34:26.455 Are you... Do you have a ring? 747 00:34:26.542 --> 00:34:28.109 I mean, I got to... I got a ring for you here. 748 00:34:28.196 --> 00:34:30.242 I'm going... I'm pumped... 749 00:34:30.329 --> 00:34:32.287 Truth be told, I'm going through a divorce... 750 00:34:34.420 --> 00:34:35.812 ...so you can have it. 751 00:34:35.899 --> 00:34:37.423 Um, go ahead. 752 00:34:37.510 --> 00:34:39.077 I'll tell ya, I need to take two minutes. 753 00:34:39.164 --> 00:34:41.209 So you take over, I'll supervise. 754 00:34:47.041 --> 00:34:49.435 Yeah, I'm definitely not gonna propose on the stage right now. 755 00:34:49.522 --> 00:34:52.351 - Just... like this. - Okay. 756 00:34:52.438 --> 00:34:54.309 And kneel. 757 00:35:01.490 --> 00:35:03.405 - Daniella... - Yes. 758 00:35:03.492 --> 00:35:05.407 - ...I love you very much. - I love you too. 759 00:35:05.494 --> 00:35:06.756 This is really weird. 760 00:35:09.368 --> 00:35:10.717 Will you marry me? 761 00:35:10.804 --> 00:35:12.327 - Yay. - Hold on. 762 00:35:12.414 --> 00:35:13.937 What did she say? 763 00:35:15.243 --> 00:35:17.463 - Yes. - There you go! 764 00:35:17.550 --> 00:35:21.554 [cheering and applause] 765 00:35:23.730 --> 00:35:25.775 Come on, stand up for 'em! 766 00:35:25.862 --> 00:35:27.168 Stand up for the love! 767 00:35:27.255 --> 00:35:30.128 [cheering and applause] 768 00:35:32.565 --> 00:35:34.567 Now get outta here. 769 00:35:34.654 --> 00:35:36.699 And congratulations to these guys. 770 00:35:37.874 --> 00:35:39.267 Wow. 771 00:35:39.354 --> 00:35:40.573 What a story to tell. 772 00:35:43.315 --> 00:35:46.056 What a story to tell. 773 00:35:46.144 --> 00:35:48.842 Kind of making me, I don't know, a little... 774 00:35:48.929 --> 00:35:51.845 depressed or something. I don't know. 775 00:35:53.890 --> 00:35:56.154 They got that chance to do it right. 776 00:36:04.988 --> 00:36:07.034 I'm sorry, guys, I... 777 00:36:07.121 --> 00:36:09.079 It's late. 778 00:36:09.167 --> 00:36:12.387 I've... This has been a long, you know, been a long day. 779 00:36:14.389 --> 00:36:15.651 It's been a long day. 780 00:36:17.958 --> 00:36:20.613 I... I don't want to get into this, but, um... 781 00:36:23.746 --> 00:36:25.531 I just... I just had the worst... 782 00:36:25.618 --> 00:36:26.749 I just had the worst day. 783 00:36:26.836 --> 00:36:28.534 I was... 784 00:36:28.621 --> 00:36:31.363 You know, we're taping this special and we, um... 785 00:36:33.930 --> 00:36:35.454 ...we have this long... it's, like, a long day. 786 00:36:35.541 --> 00:36:37.282 I have to... it's a lot of prep 787 00:36:37.369 --> 00:36:39.762 and there's a lot of prep, like weeks ahead of time, 788 00:36:39.849 --> 00:36:41.590 a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, 789 00:36:41.677 --> 00:36:44.071 and I'm... I'm sort of thinking about this and I'm... 790 00:36:44.158 --> 00:36:46.204 This morning I'm getting up and I'm getting ready 791 00:36:46.291 --> 00:36:48.902 and I try to give myself a little bit of time to get here 792 00:36:48.989 --> 00:36:51.252 and I... I was rushing a little bit 793 00:36:51.339 --> 00:36:54.429 and I get in my car and, um, 794 00:36:54.516 --> 00:36:57.824 I back out of my driveway and, within, like, two seconds, 795 00:36:57.911 --> 00:37:00.653 I realized I just hit my neighbor's dog. 796 00:37:00.740 --> 00:37:02.307 I ran... 797 00:37:05.832 --> 00:37:07.355 I just hit it. 798 00:37:07.442 --> 00:37:10.184 And I... I know my neighbor, it's... 799 00:37:10.271 --> 00:37:11.490 I know the dog. 800 00:37:11.577 --> 00:37:13.013 It's a dog named Chef. 801 00:37:13.100 --> 00:37:16.582 I think it's like this, um, pit... 802 00:37:16.669 --> 00:37:20.586 beautiful pit-lab or a pit mix, mutt. 803 00:37:20.673 --> 00:37:23.371 And I get... I get out of my car 804 00:37:23.458 --> 00:37:25.417 and, you know, I'm... I'm... I love dogs. 805 00:37:25.504 --> 00:37:27.723 I'm panicking. I have dogs and I'm panicking, 806 00:37:27.810 --> 00:37:30.639 and I see this dog and he's alive... 807 00:37:30.726 --> 00:37:33.207 but he's, like, um, like, bleeding 808 00:37:33.294 --> 00:37:35.514 and his skin's ripped off his side. 809 00:37:35.601 --> 00:37:37.516 He's just, like... 810 00:37:37.603 --> 00:37:40.519 bleeding out of his nose and ears and his... 811 00:37:40.606 --> 00:37:41.781 [panting] 812 00:37:41.868 --> 00:37:44.174 And he's in shock. 813 00:37:44.262 --> 00:37:46.612 And I get him in my arms and I push... 814 00:37:46.699 --> 00:37:48.918 I get him in my car and I race to the vet 815 00:37:49.005 --> 00:37:51.399 and I get him to the vet, like, two miles away, 816 00:37:51.486 --> 00:37:53.532 and I get in there and I'm holding this dog 817 00:37:53.619 --> 00:37:55.011 and there's blood all over me, 818 00:37:55.098 --> 00:37:57.275 and I say, "Can you please help me? 819 00:37:57.362 --> 00:37:59.189 I just hit this dog with a car." 820 00:37:59.277 --> 00:38:01.235 And the lady there, she's like, "Sorry, sir, we can't help you." 821 00:38:01.322 --> 00:38:02.845 I said, "What are you talking about? 822 00:38:02.932 --> 00:38:05.239 "This dog is dying in my arms. 823 00:38:05.326 --> 00:38:06.675 Would you please do something?" 824 00:38:06.762 --> 00:38:07.894 She said, "No." 825 00:38:07.981 --> 00:38:09.199 I said, "I don't understand! 826 00:38:09.287 --> 00:38:10.113 "Why don't you do something? 827 00:38:10.200 --> 00:38:11.506 "Why don't you help me? 828 00:38:11.593 --> 00:38:13.639 This dog is going to die right here!" 829 00:38:13.726 --> 00:38:15.771 She says, "Because of Obamacare." 830 00:38:23.257 --> 00:38:25.215 "Because of Obamacare"?! 831 00:38:31.570 --> 00:38:34.224 Well, that's all gonna change, right, folks? 832 00:38:34.312 --> 00:38:36.488 That's right, we're getting rid of it. 833 00:38:39.012 --> 00:38:41.362 We're in better shape than we've ever been. 834 00:38:41.449 --> 00:38:44.409 Things are looking up, we are on the path forward. 835 00:38:44.496 --> 00:38:47.803 We are fixing the mistakes of the past, 836 00:38:47.890 --> 00:38:50.980 and we're so happy with the direction things are going. 837 00:38:51.067 --> 00:38:52.591 We're very happy 838 00:38:52.678 --> 00:38:56.029 and things have never been better and brighter. 839 00:38:56.116 --> 00:38:57.335 I love Donald Trump, I do. 840 00:38:57.422 --> 00:38:59.206 I think he's doing a great job. 841 00:38:59.293 --> 00:39:01.469 I think he's... he's gonna continue to be a prosperous, 842 00:39:01.556 --> 00:39:04.254 uh, uh, president. 843 00:39:04.342 --> 00:39:08.171 Uh, but I always thought that... This is my personal opinion. 844 00:39:08.258 --> 00:39:09.651 I always thought that Mike Huckabee 845 00:39:09.738 --> 00:39:11.261 would have been a great president, too. 846 00:39:11.349 --> 00:39:12.611 Don't you? 847 00:39:12.698 --> 00:39:14.047 We love Mike. 848 00:39:14.134 --> 00:39:15.875 Love Mike Huckabee. 849 00:39:15.962 --> 00:39:18.791 And, you know, he was a great governor 850 00:39:18.878 --> 00:39:21.446 and an interesting TV personality and... 851 00:39:21.533 --> 00:39:24.492 But even more so, I think it's interesting if you look... 852 00:39:24.579 --> 00:39:26.668 He... It's almost born in him, you know? 853 00:39:26.755 --> 00:39:28.757 And I... I kind of like to imagine, 854 00:39:28.844 --> 00:39:32.544 uh, back in Arkansas, Little Rock, Arkansas. 855 00:39:34.154 --> 00:39:36.199 Little Rock, Arkansas. 856 00:39:36.286 --> 00:39:40.682 And, uh, we're back at the, uh, the Huckabee house 857 00:39:40.769 --> 00:39:43.119 and, uh, you know, 858 00:39:43.206 --> 00:39:45.078 Mama Huckabee's in the kitchen there. 859 00:39:45.165 --> 00:39:49.038 She's stirring her, uh, biscuits. 860 00:39:50.823 --> 00:39:53.565 And she's about as a big as a house, you know? 861 00:39:53.652 --> 00:39:58.004 And in walks little Mike, fat little Mike... 862 00:40:00.789 --> 00:40:03.575 ...and he goes, "Mama... 863 00:40:06.578 --> 00:40:09.319 "...I could be president one day. 864 00:40:12.584 --> 00:40:14.890 I could be president one day." 865 00:40:22.724 --> 00:40:26.989 But these libs with their... their obsession with it... 866 00:40:27.076 --> 00:40:28.861 It's like... It's like, um... 867 00:40:28.948 --> 00:40:30.645 I feel like I'm in a "Brady Bunch" sketch 868 00:40:30.732 --> 00:40:33.518 with Marcia... or Russia, Russia. 869 00:40:39.219 --> 00:40:40.742 What? 870 00:40:40.829 --> 00:40:42.440 Instead of Russia, instead of... Oh, it's... 871 00:40:42.527 --> 00:40:45.747 Instead of... instead of... Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. 872 00:40:45.834 --> 00:40:49.359 Instead of Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, it's a, uh, uh... 873 00:40:49.447 --> 00:40:51.187 Yeah, Russia, Russia, Russia. 874 00:40:57.237 --> 00:40:58.804 How about some impressions? 875 00:40:58.891 --> 00:41:00.806 Would anybody want to see some impressions? 876 00:41:00.893 --> 00:41:02.808 I love doing impressions. 877 00:41:02.895 --> 00:41:04.592 I love it. 878 00:41:04.679 --> 00:41:06.246 What do we got here? 879 00:41:06.333 --> 00:41:10.685 And I'll just use this and let me... 880 00:41:10.772 --> 00:41:12.774 Shouldn't have any problems here. 881 00:41:12.861 --> 00:41:14.341 And tell me... You guys are gonna love this. 882 00:41:14.428 --> 00:41:15.951 Hold on. 883 00:41:21.130 --> 00:41:22.915 The, uh... I'm sorry. Did... Did an... 884 00:41:23.002 --> 00:41:24.699 I mean, this is California. I hope the answer's yes. 885 00:41:24.786 --> 00:41:26.788 Does anyone have a pair of sunglasses 886 00:41:26.875 --> 00:41:28.486 that I could borrow real quick? You have a pair? 887 00:41:28.573 --> 00:41:30.052 Like a Ray-Bans or something like that? 888 00:41:30.139 --> 00:41:31.967 You do? Oh, those are... 889 00:41:35.362 --> 00:41:38.496 Those are not official Ray-Bans. 890 00:41:38.583 --> 00:41:39.584 Um... 891 00:41:41.063 --> 00:41:42.804 Here. 892 00:41:42.891 --> 00:41:45.764 [cheering and applause] 893 00:41:50.986 --> 00:41:52.248 Looks pretty good here. 894 00:42:02.302 --> 00:42:04.217 "I'm Jack Nicholson. 895 00:42:10.919 --> 00:42:12.486 "You better watch your ass... 896 00:42:12.573 --> 00:42:14.444 you better watch your ass, Bat, uh, Batman." 897 00:42:17.012 --> 00:42:20.799 And, um... how about this one? 898 00:42:20.886 --> 00:42:22.627 Um, "Do I feel... 899 00:42:22.714 --> 00:42:24.106 Do I make you look... Do you feel..." 900 00:42:24.193 --> 00:42:25.238 Uh, not with these. 901 00:42:25.325 --> 00:42:27.501 Um, the, um... 902 00:42:27.588 --> 00:42:29.372 "Do I feel lucky, punk?" Yeah. 903 00:42:29.459 --> 00:42:30.373 "Do you feel... Do you make me... 904 00:42:30.460 --> 00:42:32.680 "Do I feel, uh... 905 00:42:34.508 --> 00:42:36.684 Do I make you feel lucky, punk?" 906 00:42:39.818 --> 00:42:41.515 Uh, who else? 907 00:42:41.602 --> 00:42:43.473 "Do I make you horny?" you can say too. 908 00:42:44.997 --> 00:42:46.955 Um... 909 00:42:47.042 --> 00:42:48.348 "Do I make you feel horny?" 910 00:42:48.435 --> 00:42:50.045 Uh, "I'm Tom Hanks! 911 00:42:52.439 --> 00:42:54.310 I'm Tom Hanks. I'm in all the movies." 912 00:42:55.442 --> 00:42:56.574 Uh... 913 00:42:58.880 --> 00:43:02.101 "My name is Bill Clinton..." [speaking gibberish] 914 00:43:05.844 --> 00:43:07.933 Let's move on, you guys get it. 915 00:43:08.020 --> 00:43:10.196 Um... 916 00:43:10.283 --> 00:43:12.459 I love the... I love when we get into politics, right? 917 00:43:12.546 --> 00:43:15.505 Because everybody sorta has their opinion 918 00:43:15.593 --> 00:43:18.204 and then say, "Well, you're wrong, I'm right." 919 00:43:18.291 --> 00:43:21.642 And what I love about this... 920 00:43:21.729 --> 00:43:22.948 What I love about this gang here, 921 00:43:23.035 --> 00:43:24.776 what I love about the country 922 00:43:24.863 --> 00:43:27.430 is we can have our disagreements, 923 00:43:27.517 --> 00:43:28.910 but we can still get along, right? 924 00:43:28.997 --> 00:43:32.044 We can still find the common ground. 925 00:43:32.131 --> 00:43:34.307 And, you know, for example, I like... For when I... 926 00:43:34.394 --> 00:43:37.397 When I want to get a drink, I get a soda, I get a Coke. 927 00:43:37.484 --> 00:43:39.660 I get a Coca-Cola. I'm sorry, okay? 928 00:43:39.747 --> 00:43:42.315 I get a Coke. I get a Coke. 929 00:43:42.402 --> 00:43:44.099 I say, "I'll have a Coke." 930 00:43:44.186 --> 00:43:47.189 And, uh, and how many people love Coke, by the way? 931 00:43:47.276 --> 00:43:48.582 Let's just get a round of applause. 932 00:43:48.669 --> 00:43:50.062 People love Coke. 933 00:43:50.149 --> 00:43:52.542 [cheering and applause] 934 00:43:52.630 --> 00:43:54.370 And then you find these people out there, 935 00:43:54.457 --> 00:43:56.808 and maybe there's some here tonight, 936 00:43:56.895 --> 00:43:58.418 who go, "I like Pepsi." 937 00:44:02.030 --> 00:44:03.118 Huh? 938 00:44:05.991 --> 00:44:07.209 I was, uh... 939 00:44:09.603 --> 00:44:11.736 I was at my manager's house, 940 00:44:11.823 --> 00:44:14.564 uh, we were watching the Super Bowl 941 00:44:14.652 --> 00:44:17.350 and uh... 942 00:44:17.437 --> 00:44:19.613 uh, you know, the Super Bowl, 943 00:44:19.700 --> 00:44:22.485 and I go in the fridge, I go in the kitchen, 944 00:44:22.572 --> 00:44:24.313 I say, "Can I... I'm gonna get a drink." 945 00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:27.012 I go in there and there's nothing but Pepsis in there. 946 00:44:27.099 --> 00:44:30.058 I said, "Mike, you know I like Coke. 947 00:44:30.145 --> 00:44:32.278 "Bring a... Get a six-pack of Coke 948 00:44:32.365 --> 00:44:34.715 if you know I'm coming over." 949 00:44:34.802 --> 00:44:36.412 Yeah. 950 00:44:42.418 --> 00:44:45.291 What the fuck is the matter with you? 951 00:44:45.378 --> 00:44:47.902 This guy's like, "Uh, what?" 952 00:44:47.989 --> 00:44:50.818 Okay, this is slice-of-life stuff. 953 00:44:50.905 --> 00:44:53.952 This is... This is... slow burn. 954 00:44:54.039 --> 00:44:55.301 This... You know, these are long format. 955 00:44:55.388 --> 00:44:56.824 These are not bing, bing, bing. 956 00:44:56.911 --> 00:44:58.434 These are not hot spot, just punch lines. 957 00:44:58.521 --> 00:45:00.698 This is storytelling, this is Cosby comedy. 958 00:45:00.785 --> 00:45:02.917 This is... 959 00:45:03.004 --> 00:45:05.877 It's gonna require a little bit of your attention. 960 00:45:07.052 --> 00:45:09.881 He's like, "What... what?" 961 00:45:09.968 --> 00:45:11.578 He's like, "What?" 962 00:45:22.371 --> 00:45:25.287 But it's funny, I was at the movies the other day. 963 00:45:25.374 --> 00:45:28.029 I went to go see the... 964 00:45:28.116 --> 00:45:30.728 "Batman" movie or some shit and... 965 00:45:33.121 --> 00:45:36.211 ...I go, uh, go to get a drink. 966 00:45:36.298 --> 00:45:37.386 I go up to the counter, you know, 967 00:45:37.473 --> 00:45:38.953 I say, "Can I get a Coke?" 968 00:45:39.040 --> 00:45:40.868 And this bitch behind the counter says, 969 00:45:40.955 --> 00:45:43.915 "Is... is Pepsi okay?" 970 00:45:51.052 --> 00:45:52.488 I said, "If I wanted a Coke, I'd..." 971 00:45:52.575 --> 00:45:54.752 Ah, fuck, shit. Hold on. 972 00:45:57.537 --> 00:45:59.278 Sorry, everybody. 973 00:45:59.365 --> 00:46:02.281 Uh, we're... we're shooting this for a special and I... 974 00:46:02.368 --> 00:46:03.804 This is the one I've gotta get clean. 975 00:46:03.891 --> 00:46:05.719 Um... 976 00:46:05.806 --> 00:46:07.155 Do you want to... Do you want to... 977 00:46:07.242 --> 00:46:09.984 Ben, are we okay to just start? 978 00:46:10.071 --> 00:46:13.161 Okay. Sorry, everybody. 979 00:46:13.248 --> 00:46:15.033 Um... 980 00:46:15.120 --> 00:46:16.730 Let me just pick it up. 981 00:46:16.817 --> 00:46:19.298 Let me just... Let me just get a little quiet here. 982 00:46:19.385 --> 00:46:20.560 Um... 983 00:46:22.214 --> 00:46:23.432 So I was at that the movies the other day. 984 00:46:23.519 --> 00:46:25.217 Saw the new... 985 00:46:27.915 --> 00:46:29.787 Okay. 986 00:46:29.874 --> 00:46:31.353 Just chill, just... 987 00:46:32.920 --> 00:46:35.618 I was at the movies the other day, saw the new "Batman." 988 00:46:35.705 --> 00:46:37.142 And, uh... 989 00:46:38.404 --> 00:46:39.927 What the fuck is funny about that? 990 00:46:40.014 --> 00:46:41.363 There's no reason to... You know what I mean? 991 00:46:41.450 --> 00:46:43.017 There's no reason to laugh at that. 992 00:46:43.104 --> 00:46:45.541 How's that gonna cut? How's that gonna cut? 993 00:46:50.982 --> 00:46:52.548 We good? Let's just get it quiet. 994 00:46:52.635 --> 00:46:55.290 Why don't we get the laughs out now, just... 995 00:46:55.377 --> 00:46:56.814 Ready? Three, two, one. 996 00:46:56.901 --> 00:46:59.599 [laughing] 997 00:46:59.686 --> 00:47:01.166 I went to go see a movie, I went to see "Batman." 998 00:47:01.253 --> 00:47:03.472 [mockingly laughing] 999 00:47:06.693 --> 00:47:09.783 Okay, we good? 1000 00:47:09.870 --> 00:47:12.873 So I go to see... Hmm, okay, here we go. 1001 00:47:16.398 --> 00:47:20.402 Went to the movies last week and saw the new "Batman" 1002 00:47:20.489 --> 00:47:22.535 and, uh, you know, I go to get a drink. 1003 00:47:22.622 --> 00:47:25.712 I go up to the counter and say, "Can I get a Coke?" 1004 00:47:25.799 --> 00:47:29.107 And this bitch behind the counter says, 1005 00:47:29.194 --> 00:47:31.892 "Is Pepsi okay?" 1006 00:47:31.979 --> 00:47:33.415 I said, "If I wanted a Coke, if I..." 1007 00:47:33.502 --> 00:47:35.853 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 1008 00:47:39.769 --> 00:47:41.554 Okay, here we go. 1009 00:47:41.641 --> 00:47:42.860 Here we go. 1010 00:47:44.818 --> 00:47:46.341 [clearing throat] 1011 00:47:49.823 --> 00:47:51.129 Quiet, please. 1012 00:47:54.828 --> 00:47:56.264 So I went to the movies the other week 1013 00:47:56.351 --> 00:47:58.701 and I got to see the new "Batman" movie. 1014 00:47:58.788 --> 00:48:00.138 That doesn't sound right. 1015 00:48:00.225 --> 00:48:02.749 "I went to... saw the new 'Batman.'" 1016 00:48:02.836 --> 00:48:04.664 Do "Transformers." 1017 00:48:04.751 --> 00:48:06.274 It's a little more perennial. 1018 00:48:06.361 --> 00:48:09.147 Uh... 1019 00:48:09.234 --> 00:48:12.324 Went to the movies last week, saw the new "Transformers." 1020 00:48:13.629 --> 00:48:14.935 I go to get a drink. 1021 00:48:15.022 --> 00:48:16.763 I go up and say, "Can I get a Coke?" 1022 00:48:16.850 --> 00:48:18.896 And this bitch behind the counter says, 1023 00:48:18.983 --> 00:48:21.115 "Is Pepsi okay?" 1024 00:48:23.030 --> 00:48:24.423 I say, "If I wanted a Pepsi, 1025 00:48:24.510 --> 00:48:26.642 I would've asked for a... a Pepsi." 1026 00:48:26.729 --> 00:48:28.340 That's good, we're good? 1027 00:48:28.427 --> 00:48:29.602 Okay. 1028 00:48:30.864 --> 00:48:31.952 Okay. 1029 00:48:35.216 --> 00:48:36.696 And what is it? Every week, 1030 00:48:36.783 --> 00:48:38.176 they're coming out with a new soft drink. 1031 00:48:38.263 --> 00:48:40.526 What was it the other day? Sierra Mist. 1032 00:48:43.659 --> 00:48:45.444 I feel like picking up the phone and saying, 1033 00:48:45.531 --> 00:48:48.099 "Yeah, I liked your soda better when it was called 7 Up." 1034 00:48:48.186 --> 00:48:49.883 Thank you guys so much. 1035 00:48:49.970 --> 00:48:50.971 Thank you. 1036 00:48:51.058 --> 00:48:54.192 [cheering and applause] 1037 00:48:54.279 --> 00:48:56.237 Thank you. 1038 00:48:56.324 --> 00:48:58.936 Thank you so much. 1039 00:48:59.023 --> 00:49:00.807 Thank you. 1040 00:49:00.894 --> 00:49:03.810 [cheering and applause] 1041 00:49:06.247 --> 00:49:07.596 You guys. 1042 00:49:09.903 --> 00:49:11.949 Wow, thank you. 1043 00:49:12.036 --> 00:49:13.254 Thank you very much. 1044 00:49:16.083 --> 00:49:17.432 Fuck! 1045 00:49:27.965 --> 00:49:29.096 [man] You ready? 1046 00:49:29.183 --> 00:49:31.620 ♪♪ 1047 00:49:31.707 --> 00:49:33.057 Hi, how are you? 1048 00:49:33.144 --> 00:49:34.754 [cheering and applause] 1049 00:49:34.841 --> 00:49:36.016 Hi. 1050 00:49:36.103 --> 00:49:37.365 Thank you for coming to this. 1051 00:49:37.452 --> 00:49:40.499 Uh, I'm... I'm also Tim Heidecker. 1052 00:49:42.501 --> 00:49:44.285 We got any piss drinkers here tonight? 1053 00:49:44.372 --> 00:49:46.896 [cheering and applause] 1054 00:49:48.942 --> 00:49:53.599 This is a cover from the group known as The Yellow River Boys. 1055 00:49:56.341 --> 00:49:57.864 It's pretty good. 1056 00:49:59.648 --> 00:50:02.303 It's like... this is the joke from the beginning of the night 1057 00:50:02.390 --> 00:50:04.262 come to life for real. 1058 00:50:04.349 --> 00:50:07.308 ♪♪ 1059 00:50:10.746 --> 00:50:14.533 ♪ I've got my two-gallon jug of apple juice ♪ 1060 00:50:14.620 --> 00:50:18.363 ♪ Gonna drink it till the jug is dry ♪ 1061 00:50:18.450 --> 00:50:22.149 ♪ And then I'll whip out my dick and I'll fill it back up ♪ 1062 00:50:22.236 --> 00:50:25.544 ♪ Oh baby and drink it all up tonight ♪ 1063 00:50:26.980 --> 00:50:29.939 ♪ Hot piss on the tip of my lips ♪ 1064 00:50:30.027 --> 00:50:32.594 ♪ Dribbling down my chin ♪ 1065 00:50:34.379 --> 00:50:36.946 ♪ Hot piss nothing's better than this ♪ 1066 00:50:37.034 --> 00:50:39.645 ♪ To waste it'd be a ♪ 1067 00:50:39.732 --> 00:50:42.082 ♪ Waste it'd be a sin ♪ 1068 00:50:44.998 --> 00:50:48.784 ♪ Well my old lady called me a son of a gun ♪ 1069 00:50:48.871 --> 00:50:52.440 ♪ When she caught me with a jug in my hand ♪ 1070 00:50:52.527 --> 00:50:55.356 ♪ I said I'm tired of the taste for that... ♪ 1071 00:50:55.443 --> 00:50:57.358 That clapping is really bothering me. 1072 00:51:05.932 --> 00:51:07.629 ♪♪ 1073 00:51:07.716 --> 00:51:09.631 Good luck splicing this together. 1074 00:51:12.982 --> 00:51:16.421 ♪ Well my old lady called me a son of a gun ♪ 1075 00:51:16.508 --> 00:51:20.207 ♪ When she caught me with a jug in my hand ♪ 1076 00:51:20.294 --> 00:51:23.950 ♪ I said I'm proud of my taste for that sweet hot piss ♪ 1077 00:51:24.037 --> 00:51:26.996 ♪ Oh baby I ain't gonna change ♪ 1078 00:51:28.998 --> 00:51:32.001 ♪ Hot piss on the tip of my lips ♪ 1079 00:51:32.089 --> 00:51:34.613 ♪ Dribbling down my chin ♪ 1080 00:51:36.441 --> 00:51:38.834 ♪ Hot piss nothing's better than this ♪ 1081 00:51:38.921 --> 00:51:41.098 ♪ To waste it'd be a ♪ 1082 00:51:41.185 --> 00:51:43.970 ♪ Waste it'd be a sin ♪ 1083 00:51:45.450 --> 00:51:47.104 ♪ Sing it with me sing it ♪ 1084 00:51:47.191 --> 00:51:48.627 ♪ Hot piss ♪ 1085 00:51:50.759 --> 00:51:52.152 ♪ Hot piss ♪ 1086 00:51:54.763 --> 00:51:56.330 ♪ Hot piss ♪ 1087 00:51:58.419 --> 00:51:59.507 ♪ Hot piss ♪ 1088 00:51:59.594 --> 00:52:00.943 Okay. 1089 00:52:01.030 --> 00:52:04.251 [cheering and applause] 1090 00:52:06.166 --> 00:52:07.341 Thank you. 1091 00:52:09.474 --> 00:52:12.433 I wrote, uh, that Yellow River Boys record 1092 00:52:12.520 --> 00:52:14.827 in a couple of weeks 1093 00:52:14.914 --> 00:52:18.265 and, uh, I don't think we have it for sale tonight, do we? 1094 00:52:18.352 --> 00:52:19.527 Oh, well. 1095 00:52:19.614 --> 00:52:21.486 I think it's sold out. 1096 00:52:24.967 --> 00:52:26.882 But, uh, I was very happy with it 1097 00:52:26.969 --> 00:52:30.364 and, uh, got to work on the follow-up. 1098 00:52:30.451 --> 00:52:33.759 Got one song done, and that's all I got done. 1099 00:52:33.846 --> 00:52:36.370 So... it kind of sat there for a while, this song, 1100 00:52:36.457 --> 00:52:38.546 and I... think it's a nice one. 1101 00:52:38.633 --> 00:52:41.680 So this is the only follow-up song 1102 00:52:41.767 --> 00:52:43.421 to The Yellow River Boys record. 1103 00:52:43.508 --> 00:52:46.772 It's a little ballad. I hope you enjoy it. 1104 00:52:46.859 --> 00:52:49.688 ♪♪ 1105 00:52:52.473 --> 00:52:57.130 ♪ 25 years since they opened the door ♪ 1106 00:52:57.217 --> 00:53:00.916 ♪ I was 13, I've never been in one before ♪ 1107 00:53:02.483 --> 00:53:05.878 ♪ I still remember like it was yesterday ♪ 1108 00:53:07.575 --> 00:53:12.189 ♪ A big old fat man just pissing in my face ♪ 1109 00:53:12.276 --> 00:53:15.496 ♪ And now I'm finally in a warm place ♪ 1110 00:53:15.583 --> 00:53:21.285 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1111 00:53:29.641 --> 00:53:34.080 ♪ I remember Jesse, I remember Joe ♪ 1112 00:53:34.167 --> 00:53:38.780 ♪ They filled my cheeks with their yellow flow ♪ 1113 00:53:38.867 --> 00:53:43.698 ♪ They taught me to swallow that wonderful stream ♪ 1114 00:53:43.785 --> 00:53:45.309 ♪ And to give of the yellow ♪ 1115 00:53:45.396 --> 00:53:48.399 ♪ But none of the cream ♪ 1116 00:53:48.486 --> 00:53:51.880 ♪ And so we're all gonna drop our seams ♪ 1117 00:53:51.967 --> 00:53:57.364 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1118 00:54:05.459 --> 00:54:09.550 ♪ Some day we will have all passed on ♪ 1119 00:54:09.637 --> 00:54:13.946 ♪ To the new recruits we piss on the baton ♪ 1120 00:54:14.033 --> 00:54:18.820 ♪ If you want to honor us piss pioneers so brave ♪ 1121 00:54:18.907 --> 00:54:23.651 ♪ Whip out your dick and piss on our grave ♪ 1122 00:54:23.738 --> 00:54:27.264 ♪ Up in heaven it's the taste that we crave ♪ 1123 00:54:27.351 --> 00:54:31.616 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1124 00:54:31.703 --> 00:54:36.273 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1125 00:54:36.360 --> 00:54:40.451 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1126 00:54:40.538 --> 00:54:46.413 ♪ At the piss club reunion ♪ 1127 00:54:46.500 --> 00:54:49.590 [cheering and applause] 1128 00:54:58.251 --> 00:55:00.035 All right. 1129 00:55:00.122 --> 00:55:03.038 Thank you very much, everybody. 1130 00:55:03.125 --> 00:55:06.303 Would anybody care if I brought it down a little bit? 1131 00:55:06.390 --> 00:55:08.783 We bring it down. Bring the mood down. 1132 00:55:08.870 --> 00:55:11.830 I'd like to play a couple of my, uh, famous... 1133 00:55:11.917 --> 00:55:16.095 world-famous, uh, Donald Trump protest songs. 1134 00:55:16.182 --> 00:55:19.011 [cheering and applause] 1135 00:55:19.098 --> 00:55:22.362 And, uh, is anyone, uh, 1136 00:55:22.449 --> 00:55:24.843 looking forward to the nuclear war? 1137 00:55:26.627 --> 00:55:29.369 That's a... The inevitable nuclear war. 1138 00:55:29.456 --> 00:55:32.764 That's in Christmas Day, maybe. 1139 00:55:35.288 --> 00:55:37.421 New Year's Eve. 1140 00:55:37.508 --> 00:55:38.857 Very soon. 1141 00:55:41.381 --> 00:55:44.515 Anyways, this song I wrote about that. 1142 00:55:44.602 --> 00:55:47.474 ♪♪ 1143 00:55:54.133 --> 00:55:55.482 I got a burp coming, hold on. 1144 00:55:57.223 --> 00:55:58.790 [burps] 1145 00:55:58.877 --> 00:56:02.924 ♪♪ 1146 00:56:11.411 --> 00:56:14.501 ♪ I was born ♪ 1147 00:56:14.588 --> 00:56:16.808 ♪ In 1976 ♪ 1148 00:56:16.895 --> 00:56:20.464 ♪ Grew up on "Red Dawn" and "WarGames" ♪ 1149 00:56:20.551 --> 00:56:23.205 ♪ And ICBMs ♪ 1150 00:56:25.860 --> 00:56:29.298 ♪ And after school me and my friends ♪ 1151 00:56:29.386 --> 00:56:31.779 ♪ We'd meet in the garage ♪ 1152 00:56:31.866 --> 00:56:35.087 ♪ And we'd take stock of the garden tools ♪ 1153 00:56:35.174 --> 00:56:40.005 ♪ To assess which ones would make good weapons, yeah ♪ 1154 00:56:43.574 --> 00:56:46.577 ♪ But my dad had it worse than me ♪ 1155 00:56:46.664 --> 00:56:49.623 ♪ He'd have to hide under a desk ♪ 1156 00:56:49.710 --> 00:56:52.800 ♪ As if that would stop the blast ♪ 1157 00:56:52.887 --> 00:56:56.848 ♪ From destroying everything ♪ 1158 00:57:01.548 --> 00:57:04.333 ♪ Then the tactics changed ♪ 1159 00:57:04.421 --> 00:57:07.598 ♪ And the poor used what they had ♪ 1160 00:57:10.514 --> 00:57:12.994 ♪ Like trucks and planes ♪ 1161 00:57:13.081 --> 00:57:17.303 ♪ And bodies strapped with dynamite ♪ 1162 00:57:21.873 --> 00:57:24.832 ♪ And it was terrible and tragic ♪ 1163 00:57:24.919 --> 00:57:28.140 ♪ But it wasn't a mushroom cloud ♪ 1164 00:57:33.624 --> 00:57:36.670 ♪ But it was terrible and tragic ♪ 1165 00:57:36.757 --> 00:57:40.587 ♪ But it wasn't a mushroom cloud ♪ 1166 00:57:45.897 --> 00:57:48.160 ♪ No, you can't put the genie back ♪ 1167 00:57:51.076 --> 00:57:53.295 ♪ In fact it's a miracle ♪ 1168 00:57:53.382 --> 00:57:58.170 ♪ That it hasn't happened yet ♪ 1169 00:57:58.257 --> 00:58:02.000 ♪ Crazy how it only takes a maniac ♪ 1170 00:58:04.263 --> 00:58:08.528 ♪ Crazy how it only takes a maniac ♪ 1171 00:58:08.615 --> 00:58:10.617 - [cheering and applause] - Thank you guys so much! 1172 00:58:10.704 --> 00:58:12.837 Good night! 1173 00:58:12.924 --> 00:58:14.273 Thank you very much. 1174 00:58:14.360 --> 00:58:17.406 [cheering and applause] 1175 00:58:20.279 --> 00:58:23.325 ♪♪ 1176 00:58:26.720 --> 00:58:28.026 [man] Well, Rock-'n'-Roll Gary, here we are, 1177 00:58:28.113 --> 00:58:29.680 backstage at The Regent. 1178 00:58:29.767 --> 00:58:31.595 Have you ever been to this backstage before? 1179 00:58:31.682 --> 00:58:33.248 Not this one, no. 1180 00:58:33.335 --> 00:58:37.470 I was with The Who two years ago, backstage. 1181 00:58:37.557 --> 00:58:42.301 Well, they would like to take girls of... 1182 00:58:42.388 --> 00:58:46.174 of, uh, below the age, you know, the limit. 1183 00:58:46.261 --> 00:58:49.134 You know, Keith Moon and John Entwistle 1184 00:58:49.221 --> 00:58:54.052 would take them up to the roof and throw them the fuck off. 1185 00:58:54.139 --> 00:58:55.836 Let me get this straight, they would throw high school girls... 1186 00:58:55.923 --> 00:58:59.144 Catholic girls from the Catholic girls school. 1187 00:58:59.231 --> 00:59:00.493 - Off the roof? - Off the roof. 1188 00:59:00.580 --> 00:59:01.886 Now, how... how did they... 1189 00:59:01.973 --> 00:59:03.104 - Splat on the ground. - That's awful. 1190 00:59:03.191 --> 00:59:04.584 How did they...? 1191 00:59:04.671 --> 00:59:06.760 And then they'd go, "Who's next?" 1192 00:59:06.847 --> 00:59:11.939 And Peter said, "That's a great title for a... for a record." 1193 00:59:12.026 --> 00:59:13.854 So he began working on that record. 1194 00:59:13.941 --> 00:59:16.248 "My Generation." 1195 00:59:16.335 --> 00:59:18.424 That was their preference for... 1196 00:59:18.511 --> 00:59:21.601 their generation was the one... the younger girls. 1197 00:59:21.688 --> 00:59:23.342 They said, "That's my generation," you know? 1198 00:59:23.429 --> 00:59:24.996 That's the kind I like. 1199 00:59:25.083 --> 00:59:27.564 Ten, 12, nine. 1200 00:59:27.651 --> 00:59:30.436 Steve Nieve is the keyboard man 1201 00:59:30.523 --> 00:59:33.352 for Elvis Costello and The Attractions. 1202 00:59:33.439 --> 00:59:36.703 He used to... He married a horse. 1203 00:59:36.790 --> 00:59:38.618 He's married to a horse 1204 00:59:38.705 --> 00:59:41.229 and he's had children with 'em. 1205 00:59:41.316 --> 00:59:43.057 And I believe he is married to a horse. 1206 00:59:43.144 --> 00:59:46.495 I do... do believe that. I do. 1207 00:59:46.583 --> 00:59:49.281 - Do you know Fleetwood Mac? - Yeah. 1208 00:59:49.368 --> 00:59:51.065 Do you know about the tunnels? 1209 00:59:51.152 --> 00:59:54.242 Do you know why there's no basements in homes in L.A.? 1210 00:59:54.329 --> 00:59:55.461 Do you know why? 1211 00:59:55.548 --> 00:59:56.767 No. 1212 00:59:56.854 --> 00:59:58.595 When "Rumours" blew up 1213 00:59:58.682 --> 01:00:01.598 and the group had the biggest record in the country, 1214 01:00:01.685 --> 01:00:05.776 they built miles and miles of tunnels 1215 01:00:05.863 --> 01:00:08.517 and that way they could run all kinds of 1216 01:00:08.605 --> 01:00:12.347 illegal activity under the city, through tunnels. 1217 01:00:12.434 --> 01:00:14.523 They have tunnels. Look it up. 1218 01:00:14.611 --> 01:00:15.960 Now, what is Fleetwood Mac 1219 01:00:16.047 --> 01:00:17.135 bringing in through these tunnels? 1220 01:00:17.222 --> 01:00:20.399 Gold, guitars. 1221 01:00:22.009 --> 01:00:24.838 Guitars from Mexico you can't get here. 1222 01:00:24.925 --> 01:00:28.102 The big fucking guitars mariachi boys go with. 1223 01:00:28.189 --> 01:00:31.236 [laughter] 1224 01:00:31.323 --> 01:00:33.717 You can't get them here! 1225 01:00:33.804 --> 01:00:36.415 Absolutely, no question.