WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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[soft music]

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[singing]

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[woman 1 laughing]

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What do I love
about my daughter? Um...

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What do I love about my kids?

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-I'm going to cry.
-I'll start crying.

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My daughter is an old soul
who teaches me

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how to be a better person
every single day.

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I love his heart,
like he... he loves big.

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They are extremely smart
and kind and opinionated
which I love.

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-He is so unique.
-[man 1] They see the
bright side of everything.

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They have this altruistic love
of people in the world.

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-She's stunning and she's witty.
-Very athletic, very charming.

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Like he actually makes me laugh.
I'm not laughing
because he's so cute,

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-he's like, legitimately funny.
-Having these children
to teach me

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how to love has probably
been the best way for me
to learn how to love.

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I just appreciate that they're
good people, you know.

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[phone ringing]

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-Who's is that?
-Is that...

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How ironic is that.
Talking about...

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[man 2] It's around us,
it's everywhere.

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Uh...

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[suspenseful music]

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[typing]

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A long time ago families
were in extended communities.

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They were local.
They were small.

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Children and parents
largely worked together

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with neighbors on things
that just needed to be done
for daily living.

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I was born in the very depths
of the Great Depression.

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If you know anything
about the depression,
it actually began on the farms.

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At that time
I wasn't much to help,

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but I can tell you later on
I was put to work carrying wood,
carrying water,

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I knew how to shell peas,
I knew how to break beans

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and I had a little wagon
so I was the water girl

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instead of the water boy
but that was the kind
of things that we did.

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You had responsibilities
in the barn with the animals

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from a very early age.

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It's getting harder and harder
to find 80, 90,

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you know, plus-year olds
that have that perspective.
That we just have no concept

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of what it was like to live
in that kind of scarcity.

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My mother was raised just
like her great-grandmother was.

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I was raised pretty much
like my mother and dad

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were up to a point
and that's way with my kids.

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They were able to change,
but they had to change

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so much faster than I did.

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[upbeat music]

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When you guys think
of your parents and how they
grew up what do you imagine?

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So they had no internet,
no smartphones, what do
you think they did for fun?

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Um, I don't really know how
they would like communicate
with their friends.

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Faxing. That's one thing
in the 70s, faxing.

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If you've seen Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory,

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I imagine their life
was like Charlie's.

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It was definitely far different
than what it is now.

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Lots more kids outside.

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A lot more like
being outside than inside.

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I was outside 24/7.

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We were told to get out
of the house, either in or out.

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So, if you wanted to go outside,
you were out all day.

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I pretty much lived on my bike.

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I would ride my BMX bike.

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I fall in love with baseball.

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[woman 2]
But we would play kick the can
in the middle of the street.

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Capture the flag,
to manhunt, to wiffle ball,
to basketball, to...

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We built a zip line and it was
actually made out of clothesline

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-which I would not recommend.
-I remember getting up at 5:30

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and helped my friend
with his paper route.

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He paid me
with a donut, you know.

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Yeah, if I wasn't lighting
somebody's house on fire

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or pouring sugar
in a gas tank or something.

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Yeah, you went outside.
You went and rang the doorbell.

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"You want to play?" And pick up
somebody, sort of one house

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-at a time
until you had a posse.
-Go to Scott's house.

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Last time we saw
the two of them,
they were with Jennifer.

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-Then you went
and did whatever you want.
-And before you knew it,

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you had
the whole neighborhood outside.

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When the street lights
came on we had to come home.

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I had to be home
when the street lights came on.

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-When the street lights came on.
-The street lights came on.

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-Came home by dinner time.
-Come in when it gets dark.

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Came home when it got dark
and parents would look
at you quizzically,

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"Why are you here already,
if you're sitting around."

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I feel like life was more
authentic, like more genuine.

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-Yeah, they got creative.
-They got very creative.

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I feel like that's our...
why our like parents like

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-stories are
so much better than us.
-They're so much more fun.

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How do you think they got
in touch with each other?

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-They didn't.
-[laughter]

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-They never got in touch...
-Maybe like the house phone.

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They'd have to actually
like dial the phone number.

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Remember in the kitchen there
would be that ringing sound.

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We had the one phone
in the kitchen

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that had the really long cord.

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-And it still hung on the wall.
-Yeah, it still hung
on the wall.

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I can remember setting
the dinner table and having

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to take the phone cord
over my mom's head.

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I was rarely
on the phone if my sister was on

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and then I would spend hours
trying to record her.

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We also always
had to have quarters
on us too for pay phones

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like when you're out and about.
It's critical.

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I would call my dad if I needed
a ride home, if it got too dark.

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I remember when call waiting
happened, like what?

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-What is this technology?
-I had a pager

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-in the tail end of college.
-We didn't have a phone

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until I was in college.

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Everyone from the highway

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to here would be
on the same line,

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so we I think we had
nine people on the line.

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I don't think I had
an actual telephone until
I was in maybe fifth grade.

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But I think if we want
to sort of be more real

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and focus on what people
are experiencing now,

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we probably
would want to be talking about
the information revolution.

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When I was a junior
I was taking a class

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and our professor was like,
"We are going to communicate

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with another college class
in Sweden."

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And we were like, "How...
how are we going to do that?"

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So we all went
to the computer lab,

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stared at this black screen
and we typed in like

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c:é\é all these numbers.

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I remember thinking this,
"Why would anybody do this?"

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And she had this thing
called AOL and there was
this dial-up internet thing

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-and it was like...
[imitates beep]
-[beep]

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Then, all of a sudden,
she's in this chat room.

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So, what's everyone up to today?

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Well, Linda Emerson
called and she asked

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if Dash and Peter
can help Andrew and Lisa

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learn about the internet.

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What's a web page?

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Something ducks walk on?

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Ha-ha very funny.

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And, frankly, I remember
there being almost nothing to do

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once you were online.
It seemed really cool

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and then you had no idea
what to do.

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It didn't feel life changing

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until I think
much later than that.

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And particularly over the last
20 years we've just seen

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this explosion of innovation
and new technology.

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I do remember the first time
somebody said,

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"You've never
googled something?"

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And I was like, "What's Google?"

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Yahoo Meetups. I think
they came before Myspace.

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Facebook was born like the week
our oldest son was born.

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So when we look at him
with his adolescent awkwardness

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like that's...
that's how old Facebook is.

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My kids are way better

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at using apps and mobile devices
now than I am.

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Kids are so intuitive
with like the mobile devices.

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They can pick up
any mobile device and just...

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it's so intuitive they know
exactly what to do with it.

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Just pick it up and be like,
"There you go."
You're like, "What did you do?"

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I've seen kids run circles
around parents.

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At least now I have in-house
tech help when I need it.

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-You know,
technology moves quickly.
-It's like the Wild West.

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-I try to keep
up with the latest.
-By the time I am aware

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of what it is,
they've gone on to the next one.

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How do you keep up
with something new every day.

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It's exhausting.
You can't just like,

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"Okay, I got a [inaudible]."

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I am not currently
on any social media.

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[woman 3] The use of phones
has just ramped up.

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[woman 4] I wouldn't even
know how to navigate.

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[girl] Everything's going crazy.

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[woman 5]
It's very difficult to opt out.

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It's already too late.

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The train has already left
the stance... the station

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way before I realized
and I'll never catch up.

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Do I feel like
I can protect my kids
from the dangers online? No.

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They're going
to have to navigate it
and make decisions

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for themselves without me,
sooner than I want.

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Its pace has been
so fast that some of the...

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what... we'll call them
guardrails that are necessary

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to keep an industry accountable

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have been set aside
in the spirit of innovation.

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Right now we're effectively
living in an experiment.

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How is this going to affect us?

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We'll find out
with the current generation.

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I... I will tell you that
I'm probably going to be dead

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and gone and I'll probably
be thankful for it

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when all this comes
to fruition because...

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because I think that
this scares me to death.

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[soft music]

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The internet is awesome.
It's a great place.

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People use it for work,
people use it for art,

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people use it for socializing.

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I don't know, it's just fun
to take cool pictures

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and show them off to the world.

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I like checking up on people

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that I haven't talked
to since like the fifth grade.

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Like you don't get to see them
for like a month,

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you can talk
to them over FaceTime.

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Staying connected,
sharing photos

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and being support
to one another.

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My partner calls it
SMS parenting

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because I just text them.

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[Titania]
The educational opportunities

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of having
the internet at my disposal,

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-I can search anything.
-What did I have?

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I had The World Book
Encyclopedia.

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Just feeling a sense of security
and safety with the ability

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for the location
tracking feature.

202
00:10:01.383 --> 00:10:02.993
It's like letting
everyone know where we are

203
00:10:03.037 --> 00:10:05.039
and stuff,
make sure everyone's safe.

204
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If he's at a friend's house
I could call,

205
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-"Are their parents home?"
-It's actually been a way

206
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that we can keep track of them
out there in the real world

207
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where things really are scary.

208
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Do you think the dangers online

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are more prevalent or dangers
in real life are more prevalent?

210
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I think it's...
I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.

211
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I think my primary concerns
did tend to be physical.

212
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Any situation
where they cannot physically
defend themselves...

213
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-Yeah.
-...then that's number one
for me.

214
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That's scary to me
and that's everything
that's outside of the house.

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I wasn't allowed
to walk around the street.

216
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I couldn't ride
my bike around my street.

217
00:10:49.474 --> 00:10:51.476
I'm a senior in high school,
I still can't sleep over.

218
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we couldn't do that now.

219
00:10:52.869 --> 00:10:54.262
We couldn't walk down the street

220
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and like go to a restaurant.

221
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I mean that's just
not really that safe.

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Without worrying
about being kidnapped or even...

223
00:11:00.747 --> 00:11:03.140
-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.

224
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Many parents today worry
more about physical danger

225
00:11:06.883 --> 00:11:10.887
of their children than they do
online danger for their kids

226
00:11:10.931 --> 00:11:13.281
because it's something
that they can relate to.

227
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[man 3] I don't know whether
Jimmy's lost his kite or what,

228
00:11:16.153 --> 00:11:20.157
but he's really asking
for trouble climbing
a power or a telephone pole.

229
00:11:20.201 --> 00:11:24.379
Here's one, a rusty nail
and believe me it's dangerous.

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I remember my parents really,
you know, teaching me

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sort of very physical
danger prevention things

232
00:11:30.167 --> 00:11:32.735
like look both ways
when you cross the street

233
00:11:32.779 --> 00:11:35.172
and be careful who you talk to
and things like that.

234
00:11:35.216 --> 00:11:38.436
All of those things
parents heard
when they were growing up.

235
00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:40.830
And so that's something
that they can hold on to.

236
00:11:40.874 --> 00:11:43.790
It's a fear that they remember
whereas everything online,

237
00:11:43.833 --> 00:11:48.403
oftentimes it's so far out
of what they can imagine

238
00:11:48.446 --> 00:11:50.797
because they're not using
the technology the same way

239
00:11:50.840 --> 00:11:54.322
that kids are that they can't
even wrap their brain around it

240
00:11:54.365 --> 00:11:57.412
enough to know what
to be afraid of.

241
00:11:57.455 --> 00:12:02.809
The greater danger
is definitely mental versus
physical in this world.

242
00:12:02.852 --> 00:12:05.246
Um... I see it. I see it.

243
00:12:05.289 --> 00:12:08.292
The biggest issues
that have come up

244
00:12:08.336 --> 00:12:12.601
with our kids
have all been mental.

245
00:12:12.644 --> 00:12:16.126
We've already been
introduced to sexuality,

246
00:12:16.170 --> 00:12:18.912
cyber bullying,
marketing and persuasion.

247
00:12:18.955 --> 00:12:21.566
The dangers for my kids
that are more present

248
00:12:21.610 --> 00:12:23.612
are way more mental
and emotional.

249
00:12:23.655 --> 00:12:25.309
I think parents are aware that

250
00:12:25.353 --> 00:12:26.920
there are mental dangers
out there,

251
00:12:26.963 --> 00:12:30.706
but I feel like we're constantly
as parents

252
00:12:30.750 --> 00:12:33.665
you just tend to think that
probably won't happen to my kid.

253
00:12:33.709 --> 00:12:38.235
Statistically speaking
our world is much safer
outside in the neighborhood.

254
00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:43.371
Those physical dangers
are much less likely to happen

255
00:12:43.414 --> 00:12:46.461
than the dangers
that we're seeing online.

256
00:12:46.504 --> 00:12:48.289
[soft music]

257
00:12:49.856 --> 00:12:53.903
I remember in fifth grade
like I saw all my friends slowly

258
00:12:53.947 --> 00:12:57.037
like starting to get phones
and I was like,

259
00:12:57.080 --> 00:12:59.387
"Well, I want to be able
to text my friends.

260
00:12:59.430 --> 00:13:01.737
I want to be able to like...

261
00:13:01.781 --> 00:13:04.784
do like fun things
on your phone."
Like it's a fun thing.

262
00:13:04.827 --> 00:13:08.831
When Annabelle was five
I gave them their first iPod.

263
00:13:08.875 --> 00:13:11.747
I was... I was 11 when
I started feeling pressured.

264
00:13:11.791 --> 00:13:14.881
Like even before that
people had cell phones.

265
00:13:14.924 --> 00:13:17.144
Kids are ostracized. By the time
they hit middle school,

266
00:13:17.187 --> 00:13:20.060
they go in at sixth grade
almost everyone has a phone

267
00:13:20.103 --> 00:13:21.931
and if you don't have
a phone then it's...

268
00:13:21.975 --> 00:13:23.933
it's almost
like a bullying thing.

269
00:13:23.977 --> 00:13:27.154
You can do better than
your peers if you have access

270
00:13:27.197 --> 00:13:29.939
to some social media
that allows you to engage

271
00:13:29.983 --> 00:13:32.637
and know when things
are happening
and that you don't miss out.

272
00:13:32.681 --> 00:13:36.076
Peers judge other peers by their
knowledge of what's happening.

273
00:13:36.119 --> 00:13:38.556
Certainly, in the last
five years we've... we've seen

274
00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:40.994
kids' usage of devices
continue to increase.

275
00:13:41.037 --> 00:13:43.997
We've also seen kids
getting devices
younger and younger.

276
00:13:44.040 --> 00:13:46.303
The rates at which
they're experiencing
certain types

277
00:13:46.347 --> 00:13:48.349
of problems
continues to increase.

278
00:13:50.438 --> 00:13:54.572
I'm Kelly Anne.
I have worked in multiple
different areas

279
00:13:54.616 --> 00:13:58.838
with teens, children's hospital,
a non-profit.

280
00:13:58.881 --> 00:14:01.884
I met this group of girls
when they were freshmen

281
00:14:01.928 --> 00:14:05.583
and I have been with them
now for four years
so they're seniors.

282
00:14:05.627 --> 00:14:08.499
They have access to me 24/7.

283
00:14:08.543 --> 00:14:11.241
Like what's the max amount
you think in one day,

284
00:14:11.285 --> 00:14:13.678
in the past three years
like if you had picked
the one day you spent

285
00:14:13.722 --> 00:14:15.724
the most time on your phone,
how long do you think it was?

286
00:14:15.767 --> 00:14:17.421
Oh, I'd say 18.

287
00:14:17.465 --> 00:14:19.032
-[Kelly] Hours?
-Maybe.

288
00:14:19.075 --> 00:14:20.903
-It's like five.
-The last two months

289
00:14:20.947 --> 00:14:22.035
it's been eight, nine.

290
00:14:22.078 --> 00:14:24.080
Ten, 11 hours a day.

291
00:14:24.124 --> 00:14:25.299
Yeah, maybe like 12.

292
00:14:25.342 --> 00:14:27.562
In the past 10 years or so

293
00:14:27.605 --> 00:14:30.870
the time that they're spending
on them has skyrocketed.

294
00:14:30.913 --> 00:14:33.002
On average,
maybe seven hours a day.

295
00:14:33.046 --> 00:14:35.265
It's a lot of time
when you also have to do

296
00:14:35.309 --> 00:14:37.311
school and sleep and eat.

297
00:14:37.354 --> 00:14:39.269
Seven hours a day
is like a work shift.

298
00:14:39.313 --> 00:14:41.184
There's a lot
to do on your phone.

299
00:14:41.228 --> 00:14:42.969
Like you can text people,
you can play games,

300
00:14:43.012 --> 00:14:45.885
take videos, pictures.
There's a lot to do.

301
00:14:45.928 --> 00:14:50.063
We've always had these things
that captured our attention,

302
00:14:50.106 --> 00:14:53.327
but there is a certain level
of precision

303
00:14:53.370 --> 00:14:59.986
with which today's technology
hones in on our neurology
and the way that we are wired.

304
00:15:00.029 --> 00:15:03.206
Social media and other internet
platforms make their money

305
00:15:03.250 --> 00:15:07.167
by keeping users engaged.
And so, they've hired
the greatest engineering

306
00:15:07.210 --> 00:15:09.996
and tech minds to get users
to stay longer inside

307
00:15:10.039 --> 00:15:12.215
of their apps
and on their websites.

308
00:15:12.259 --> 00:15:16.393
-I use Instagram, Snapchat.
-Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok.

309
00:15:16.437 --> 00:15:19.962
-Two Instagram accounts.
-I can just scroll
for hours on end.

310
00:15:20.006 --> 00:15:22.617
-I use Instagram, Twitter.
-Instagram, definitely.

311
00:15:22.660 --> 00:15:24.880
-My favorite, Snapchat.
-If I was to delete Snapchat,

312
00:15:24.924 --> 00:15:26.664
I don't think
I would like hang out.

313
00:15:26.708 --> 00:15:28.884
I don't know
what's going on with Snapchat.

314
00:15:28.928 --> 00:15:30.886
There's this app called TikTok.

315
00:15:30.930 --> 00:15:33.062
The social media games
like TikTok and Fortnite.

316
00:15:33.106 --> 00:15:35.673
Yeah, I look up from my phone
after being there for 15 minutes

317
00:15:35.717 --> 00:15:38.546
-and it's been like an hour.
-Scrolling through Instagram.

318
00:15:38.589 --> 00:15:40.591
Then I end up watching
other people's videos

319
00:15:40.635 --> 00:15:43.246
-for like five hours on end.
-Watch Netflix for a time,

320
00:15:43.290 --> 00:15:44.987
then go off Netflix
to check Snapchat,

321
00:15:45.031 --> 00:15:46.684
check Instagram,
and go back on Netflix.

322
00:15:46.728 --> 00:15:49.557
What I really do
when I'm not online

323
00:15:50.601 --> 00:15:53.604
is kind of just sit
on my ass and like eat.

324
00:15:53.648 --> 00:15:55.867
I call it the race
to the bottom of the brainstem.

325
00:15:55.911 --> 00:15:58.566
So it starts with techniques
like pull to refresh.

326
00:15:58.609 --> 00:16:01.264
So, you pull to refresh
your news feed that operates
like a slot machine.

327
00:16:01.308 --> 00:16:03.179
It has the same kind
of addictive qualities

328
00:16:03.223 --> 00:16:05.138
that keep people
in Las Vegas hooked.

329
00:16:05.181 --> 00:16:08.315
[man 4] One of the central
issues of Skinner's philosophy

330
00:16:08.358 --> 00:16:12.362
of behaviorism is that
just like the pigeon,
man is a predictable animal.

331
00:16:12.406 --> 00:16:15.061
Gambling systems
have a schedule we call

332
00:16:15.104 --> 00:16:18.325
variable ratio
that explains why people gamble.

333
00:16:18.368 --> 00:16:22.068
The psychoanalysts say people
gamble to hurt themselves,
destroy themselves.

334
00:16:22.111 --> 00:16:24.984
Other people say they do gamble
for the excitement and so on,
but, nonsense,

335
00:16:25.027 --> 00:16:27.899
you gamble because there was
a certain schedule built into

336
00:16:27.943 --> 00:16:30.772
the gambling device
or system as in a horse race.

337
00:16:30.815 --> 00:16:34.254
These same schedules
will make a pathological gambler

338
00:16:34.297 --> 00:16:36.604
out of a pigeon
as well as out of a person.

339
00:16:36.647 --> 00:16:40.129
It's interesting
raising kids five years apart.

340
00:16:40.173 --> 00:16:44.090
You know,
John could leave his phone
sitting somewhere away.

341
00:16:44.133 --> 00:16:47.397
We've noticed
that Jack's generation
is of kids that can't do that.

342
00:16:47.441 --> 00:16:49.312
They're so completely
tied to their phone

343
00:16:49.356 --> 00:16:52.185
and they don't even know
life without a telephone.

344
00:16:52.228 --> 00:16:54.578
Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.

345
00:16:54.622 --> 00:16:59.018
I tend to switch apps
every 30 seconds to a minute.

346
00:16:59.061 --> 00:17:01.542
They will, literally,
melt their brains

347
00:17:01.585 --> 00:17:03.892
-before they got off the device.
-Yeah.

348
00:17:03.935 --> 00:17:05.675
When we think
about traditional drug use,

349
00:17:05.720 --> 00:17:07.852
we know that the age
of first use,

350
00:17:07.896 --> 00:17:10.811
the earlier it happens, um...

351
00:17:10.855 --> 00:17:13.075
the greater likelihood
for addiction.

352
00:17:13.118 --> 00:17:15.469
And so, think about, you know,
with children their brain

353
00:17:15.512 --> 00:17:18.602
is developing and if they are
not having balance

354
00:17:18.646 --> 00:17:22.084
in how they're using this
and it's developing
at a younger age

355
00:17:22.127 --> 00:17:26.828
I just, you know, question
how that will continue to impact
them for years to come.

356
00:17:26.871 --> 00:17:30.266
Young folks tend to have
their reward sensitivity

357
00:17:30.310 --> 00:17:34.053
and their social sensitivity
develop much earlier

358
00:17:34.096 --> 00:17:38.187
than their ability to regulate
these areas in their brain.

359
00:17:38.231 --> 00:17:42.452
Throughout childhood the brain
experiences rapid maturation.

360
00:17:42.496 --> 00:17:45.803
It begins in areas
responsible for basic perception

361
00:17:45.847 --> 00:17:47.979
and memory way in the back
of the brain

362
00:17:48.023 --> 00:17:50.025
and it ends in the front
of the brain.

363
00:17:50.069 --> 00:17:52.245
And in the front of the brain
that's the areas

364
00:17:52.288 --> 00:17:55.857
that are most important for
having us regulate our responses

365
00:17:55.900 --> 00:17:59.817
to rewards and our responses
to social feedback.

366
00:17:59.861 --> 00:18:03.343
And the highest order
part of that

367
00:18:03.386 --> 00:18:05.997
doesn't really develop
in... into the 20s.

368
00:18:06.041 --> 00:18:08.391
I... my biggest fear's
when they get older that

369
00:18:08.435 --> 00:18:11.916
they never
put those things down
and they're so disinterested

370
00:18:11.960 --> 00:18:14.354
with connecting
with other people,

371
00:18:14.397 --> 00:18:18.140
like, in person, you know,
that it negatively affects them.

372
00:18:18.184 --> 00:18:21.578
Being a leader
14 years ago was easier.

373
00:18:21.622 --> 00:18:25.104
The way kids are
has definitely changed.

374
00:18:25.147 --> 00:18:29.804
They have less
or no coping skills.

375
00:18:29.847 --> 00:18:34.200
They are also harder
to kind of break

376
00:18:34.243 --> 00:18:37.290
that outer shell
and talk about hard things.

377
00:18:37.333 --> 00:18:41.511
They don't want to, and or,
they don't know how. It's wild.

378
00:18:41.555 --> 00:18:43.426
They really just don't know
how to get there.

379
00:18:43.470 --> 00:18:46.647
One of the greatest consequences
of screen time addiction

380
00:18:46.690 --> 00:18:51.521
is just the lack
of social development,
social skills development,

381
00:18:51.565 --> 00:18:53.219
being able to connect
with other people.

382
00:18:53.262 --> 00:18:54.959
And we're seeing
a lot more of that

383
00:18:55.003 --> 00:18:56.744
as we are becoming more aware

384
00:18:56.787 --> 00:18:58.615
of what social media
does to our ability

385
00:18:58.659 --> 00:19:01.618
to have empathy,
and to interact with others,

386
00:19:01.662 --> 00:19:04.578
and to see their social cues,
understand their social cues,

387
00:19:04.621 --> 00:19:08.756
and react accordingly.
We're seeing the difference that
it's making but the kids aren't.

388
00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:12.499
The disconnect of even
just he with his friends.

389
00:19:12.542 --> 00:19:14.979
I mean...
I mean it is how they connect,

390
00:19:15.023 --> 00:19:18.505
but how connected
are they if they're all
getting depressed and...

391
00:19:18.548 --> 00:19:21.203
-Yeah, well, if they don't have
anything to compare it with...
-Yeah.

392
00:19:21.247 --> 00:19:23.118
Like, you know,
like you said it, we...

393
00:19:23.162 --> 00:19:25.207
we have a comparison
because we grew up differently,

394
00:19:25.251 --> 00:19:27.078
because we didn't have
the option.

395
00:19:27.122 --> 00:19:29.429
We're incredibly
social creatures.

396
00:19:29.472 --> 00:19:31.431
That's actually
what separates us,

397
00:19:31.474 --> 00:19:34.434
not our intelligence,
but our ability to work together

398
00:19:34.477 --> 00:19:39.134
in communities,
to thrive as humans.

399
00:19:39.178 --> 00:19:41.963
A huge chunk
of your brain is devoted

400
00:19:42.006 --> 00:19:44.966
towards just understanding
people's moment-to-moment

401
00:19:45.009 --> 00:19:47.534
facial expressions
because social signals

402
00:19:47.577 --> 00:19:51.494
that come very rapidly
are incredibly important to us,

403
00:19:51.538 --> 00:19:54.367
even if in the moment
we're not totally realizing

404
00:19:54.410 --> 00:19:56.020
how important
those social signals are.

405
00:19:57.935 --> 00:20:00.590
Would any of you guys
say that you struggle or

406
00:20:00.634 --> 00:20:03.114
have struggled
with anxiety or depression?

407
00:20:03.158 --> 00:20:05.247
-Anxiety.
-[Kelly] In high school?

408
00:20:05.291 --> 00:20:07.206
-Oh, yeah.
-[girl] Oh, yeah.

409
00:20:08.990 --> 00:20:10.644
-Depression.
-Yeah, me, too.

410
00:20:10.687 --> 00:20:13.473
-Yeah, dumb.
-Yes, definitely I have

411
00:20:13.516 --> 00:20:17.781
an entire friend group
who has latched on to each other

412
00:20:17.825 --> 00:20:19.914
due to their connection
with depression.

413
00:20:19.957 --> 00:20:23.352
Because they both are prone
to anxiety and depression,

414
00:20:23.396 --> 00:20:28.488
I can't pinpoint
whether or not it has anything
to do with their device.

415
00:20:28.531 --> 00:20:32.013
He's addicted to some games.
I'm addicted to some games.

416
00:20:32.056 --> 00:20:35.538
Sometimes when we don't get it
we cry. We throw a fit.

417
00:20:35.582 --> 00:20:39.281
I noticed my anxiety ramps up
when I'm on my phone more,

418
00:20:39.325 --> 00:20:42.502
but not from like
any specific thing just kind

419
00:20:42.545 --> 00:20:46.288
of the more time I spend
in my head, the worse off I get.

420
00:20:46.332 --> 00:20:49.683
A statement that
I've been making at my talks

421
00:20:49.726 --> 00:20:52.947
with high schoolers is,
"Don't you all just sort
of feel like

422
00:20:52.990 --> 00:20:55.210
every moment
of every single day,

423
00:20:55.254 --> 00:20:59.170
we're all living in a state
of low-grade anxiety?"

424
00:20:59.214 --> 00:21:01.564
And they all just kind
of look at me like, "Yeah."

425
00:21:01.608 --> 00:21:05.655
So we are seeing many more kids

426
00:21:05.699 --> 00:21:09.268
coming to school with diagnoses
of anxiety and depression.

427
00:21:09.311 --> 00:21:13.576
And we also know
that the teen suicide rate

428
00:21:13.620 --> 00:21:18.799
from 2010 to 2017 increased 56%.

429
00:21:18.842 --> 00:21:22.368
My day-to-day life in the ER
over the last 20 years
I think, there's been

430
00:21:22.411 --> 00:21:26.372
two very palpable changes.
One is childhood obesity

431
00:21:26.415 --> 00:21:32.247
and the other is mental
health issues in terms
of the volume and the frequency.

432
00:21:32.291 --> 00:21:35.859
I have personally seen
a difference in the number
of children

433
00:21:35.903 --> 00:21:38.775
who are coming to the ER
with mental health issues

434
00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:40.995
with non-suicidal self-harming

435
00:21:41.038 --> 00:21:44.433
and suicide attempts
and suicidal ideation.

436
00:21:44.477 --> 00:21:50.483
His demeanor
with me and his temperament,
everything is different

437
00:21:50.526 --> 00:21:54.138
after he has had hours of gaming
or something with a friend.

438
00:21:54.182 --> 00:21:57.141
Sometimes I feel
like I want to give it up,

439
00:21:57.185 --> 00:22:00.362
but it's such a big part
of teenage life,

440
00:22:00.406 --> 00:22:04.410
I guess you could say that I...
I... I just couldn't.

441
00:22:04.453 --> 00:22:07.151
A lot of like our lives
are on our phones.

442
00:22:07.195 --> 00:22:10.372
Like texting our friends,
like that's on our phone,

443
00:22:10.416 --> 00:22:13.723
like we have to be on it,
if we want to like
talk to our friends.

444
00:22:13.767 --> 00:22:17.684
Like our school
actually gives us information
through social media,

445
00:22:17.727 --> 00:22:19.816
so it's kind of just like
it goes hand in hand

446
00:22:19.860 --> 00:22:22.384
that you will be using
social media and have a phone.

447
00:22:22.428 --> 00:22:25.735
The lives of kids
were sort of changing slowly

448
00:22:25.779 --> 00:22:29.522
for a while and then,
all of a sudden, phones,

449
00:22:29.565 --> 00:22:33.308
smartphones were easy to get.
Social media was easy to get.

450
00:22:33.352 --> 00:22:36.398
Most people were able
to afford that. Most kids
were able to get on social media

451
00:22:36.442 --> 00:22:38.139
and that's when everything
kind of skyrocketed.

452
00:22:38.182 --> 00:22:40.924
-I'm addicted to my iPad.
-I'm addicted.

453
00:22:40.968 --> 00:22:44.319
But adults
not just teenagers are
also addicted to their phones.

454
00:22:44.363 --> 00:22:48.062
Parents are the primary
determinant

455
00:22:48.105 --> 00:22:50.804
as to how a kid uses technology.

456
00:22:50.847 --> 00:22:53.720
In other words,
if we want our kids to be

457
00:22:53.763 --> 00:22:55.635
consuming technology
differently then we first

458
00:22:55.678 --> 00:22:58.289
need to look in the mirror
and ask ourselves,

459
00:22:58.333 --> 00:23:02.642
would we want them using their
technology exactly how I do?

460
00:23:02.685 --> 00:23:05.079
The race for attention has
to get more and more aggressive.

461
00:23:05.122 --> 00:23:07.386
And so, it's not enough
just to get your behavior

462
00:23:07.429 --> 00:23:09.649
and predict what will take
your behavior.

463
00:23:09.692 --> 00:23:12.652
We have to predict how to keep
you hooked in a different way.

464
00:23:12.695 --> 00:23:16.569
And so, it crawled deeper
down the brainstem
into our social validation.

465
00:23:16.612 --> 00:23:19.267
So that was the introduction
of likes and followers.

466
00:23:19.310 --> 00:23:23.140
I post a lot. I used to...

467
00:23:23.184 --> 00:23:26.143
like I almost like have like
a mental schedule, like,

468
00:23:26.187 --> 00:23:28.711
okay, like each month I'll post.

469
00:23:28.755 --> 00:23:32.193
And like I'll edit
the picture and like
make it look really good.

470
00:23:32.236 --> 00:23:35.892
Now I just kind of like post
like when I want to

471
00:23:35.936 --> 00:23:39.853
and I like definitely delete
posts I don't get like
a lot of likes.

472
00:23:39.896 --> 00:23:42.638
I like to have
a lot of likes on my posts.

473
00:23:42.682 --> 00:23:45.162
Just to like...
it just makes you feel good.

474
00:23:45.206 --> 00:23:47.034
You feel better
when people are like,

475
00:23:47.077 --> 00:23:49.123
"Yeah, you're looking good."
But then

476
00:23:49.166 --> 00:23:51.125
at other times you feel horrible

477
00:23:51.168 --> 00:23:52.605
because people
aren't liking your post,

478
00:23:52.648 --> 00:23:54.041
but you can see
they looked at it.

479
00:23:54.084 --> 00:23:55.303
No, I don't care.

480
00:23:57.000 --> 00:23:59.263
I mean it sucks
when my art doesn't get
a whole lot of likes.

481
00:24:00.917 --> 00:24:05.226
They call each other and say,
"Do me a favor, like my picture.
I need more likes on my..."

482
00:24:05.269 --> 00:24:08.142
[girl] Like, it's really easy
for you to be like,

483
00:24:08.185 --> 00:24:11.667
"Oh! Look at this other girl.
Like she got
this many more likes.

484
00:24:11.711 --> 00:24:15.454
-Like her body's
this much nicer."
-[Patti] Are they chasing likes?

485
00:24:15.497 --> 00:24:17.891
Are they, as some
young people say, you know,

486
00:24:17.934 --> 00:24:20.850
I'll put a photo up and if
I don't get 50 likes right away

487
00:24:20.894 --> 00:24:23.766
-I'm taking it down.
-And that got every...
it was much cheaper to...

488
00:24:23.810 --> 00:24:26.552
instead of getting
your attention
to get you addicted

489
00:24:26.595 --> 00:24:28.510
to getting attention
from other people.

490
00:24:28.554 --> 00:24:30.512
And this has created
the kind of mass narcissism

491
00:24:30.556 --> 00:24:32.427
and mass cultural thing
that's happening

492
00:24:32.471 --> 00:24:34.081
with young people
especially today.

493
00:24:34.124 --> 00:24:36.387
I think people's
online status does...

494
00:24:36.431 --> 00:24:39.303
connect to their
popularity at school.

495
00:24:39.347 --> 00:24:41.349
I'd say they're
kind of symbiotic,

496
00:24:41.392 --> 00:24:43.830
like they both feed off
of each other.

497
00:24:43.873 --> 00:24:46.963
I have a 400 streak with this
person. I'm better than you

498
00:24:47.007 --> 00:24:50.445
or look at this,
I got 600 likes on Instagram.
I am better than you.

499
00:24:50.489 --> 00:24:53.796
They just want to be famous.
They just want people
to adore them.

500
00:24:53.840 --> 00:24:56.146
They're hoping to get famous.
They're hoping to get popular.

501
00:24:56.190 --> 00:24:58.975
They're hoping to get validated
by strangers on the internet.

502
00:24:59.019 --> 00:25:02.196
Clout addiction.
Know what clout is?

503
00:25:02.239 --> 00:25:06.417
It's not as if, all of a sudden,
a separate part

504
00:25:06.461 --> 00:25:08.985
of our brain evolved
in the past 10 years

505
00:25:09.029 --> 00:25:12.598
to separate out social signals
from social media

506
00:25:12.641 --> 00:25:15.122
from those social signals
that we get in real life.

507
00:25:15.165 --> 00:25:17.994
The... the social feedback is,
literally, rewarding

508
00:25:18.038 --> 00:25:22.651
when it's positive
and it's, literally,
punishing when it's negative.

509
00:25:22.695 --> 00:25:26.699
Ms. Stanfield, I... I...
I was a little confused
by one thing you said.

510
00:25:26.742 --> 00:25:30.180
Did you say Google doesn't use
persuasive technology?

511
00:25:30.224 --> 00:25:32.095
That is correct, Sir.

512
00:25:34.489 --> 00:25:36.752
What gets the most likes?

513
00:25:37.884 --> 00:25:40.364
-More skin, more likes.
-[girl] Yeah.

514
00:25:40.408 --> 00:25:42.453
Girls in bathing suits.

515
00:25:42.497 --> 00:25:44.586
[boy] You have to sexualize
yourself

516
00:25:44.630 --> 00:25:46.632
or you have to post a bikini
pic or something

517
00:25:46.675 --> 00:25:48.590
that's revealing in order
to get a lot of likes.

518
00:25:48.634 --> 00:25:50.592
The more attractive you are
the more likes you get.

519
00:25:50.636 --> 00:25:52.681
-Hot girls get a lot of likes.
-Parent's day and age,

520
00:25:52.725 --> 00:25:55.118
you couldn't get on your phone
and be like, "Oh, my gosh!

521
00:25:55.162 --> 00:25:57.381
Look at Kim Kardashian's life."
We have the ability to compare

522
00:25:57.425 --> 00:25:59.775
-ourselves with other people.
-We weren't really worried

523
00:25:59.819 --> 00:26:01.690
about what we were wearing
because everybody

524
00:26:01.734 --> 00:26:02.822
in the whole world
wasn't watching us.

525
00:26:02.865 --> 00:26:04.780
The pressure to maintain

526
00:26:04.824 --> 00:26:07.304
the perfect image online
is huge.

527
00:26:07.348 --> 00:26:09.829
On the flip side,
if they post something

528
00:26:09.872 --> 00:26:12.005
and either don't get likes
or get poor comments

529
00:26:12.048 --> 00:26:14.616
then it's hit with depression.

530
00:26:14.660 --> 00:26:17.750
[woman 6]
But you know what you look like.
You can see yourself.

531
00:26:17.793 --> 00:26:19.969
You don't need...

532
00:26:20.927 --> 00:26:23.146
Yeah, but it's not
how you look like...

533
00:26:23.190 --> 00:26:26.454
-Yeah.
-...this. It's like
how you look like on that.

534
00:26:26.497 --> 00:26:28.804
It's not checking to see
if the hair is okay,

535
00:26:28.848 --> 00:26:31.459
it's seeing
if they look like the girl

536
00:26:31.502 --> 00:26:33.548
that they saw on Instagram
that was perfect.

537
00:26:33.592 --> 00:26:36.377
Seeing people like that,
it's like, "Why can't I,

538
00:26:36.420 --> 00:26:38.466
you know, look like that?"

539
00:26:38.509 --> 00:26:41.687
And it's weird
because we know that

540
00:26:41.730 --> 00:26:45.691
they're made up and they're not
like a 100% authentic pictures.

541
00:26:45.734 --> 00:26:48.345
Girls like strongly edit
their pictures

542
00:26:48.389 --> 00:26:52.654
and like you can tell
like the wall is bent
at their waist or like...

543
00:26:52.698 --> 00:26:55.657
But it just still
makes you feel like...

544
00:26:55.701 --> 00:26:58.486
They're always ready
for a phone.
It's like they're constantly

545
00:26:58.529 --> 00:27:02.490
prepared to be captured
by something and be shown
to the world.

546
00:27:02.533 --> 00:27:05.580
[man 5] A man feels free,
if he believes he is free

547
00:27:05.624 --> 00:27:08.191
and he will believe
he is free if he is conditioned

548
00:27:08.235 --> 00:27:10.977
by positive reinforcement
to think so.

549
00:27:28.385 --> 00:27:33.695
You could be the meanest
most horrible person
in the world

550
00:27:33.739 --> 00:27:36.698
and if somebody sees
you have like 6000 followers
on Instagram

551
00:27:36.742 --> 00:27:38.787
at school
or like you get a ton of likes,

552
00:27:38.831 --> 00:27:40.789
they'll be your friends. They
don't care what you're like.

553
00:27:40.833 --> 00:27:43.183
Are you going to be
on my side if I let you up?

554
00:27:43.226 --> 00:27:45.881
Sure, chick, sure.
I'm on your side.

555
00:27:45.925 --> 00:27:48.275
Just let me up.
I'll do anything you say.

556
00:27:48.318 --> 00:27:51.278
When I was a student
bullying was always in person,

557
00:27:51.321 --> 00:27:54.194
in my neighborhood,
the bully who lived up the hill

558
00:27:54.237 --> 00:27:56.936
and we would be careful
to not to go that direction

559
00:27:56.979 --> 00:27:59.765
because if he was outside
he would grab your bike
and harass kids.

560
00:27:59.808 --> 00:28:01.201
Get off. I want to ride it.

561
00:28:01.244 --> 00:28:03.072
Oh, no Jake! Not my new bike.

562
00:28:03.116 --> 00:28:05.727
Oh, I was bullied
all through school.

563
00:28:05.771 --> 00:28:07.729
I can remember the kid,
who you all just kind of knew

564
00:28:07.773 --> 00:28:10.427
was mean to people
whether it was on the playground

565
00:28:10.471 --> 00:28:12.386
or other places.
I'm not going to say his name.

566
00:28:12.429 --> 00:28:13.735
I'm sure he's a great guy now.

567
00:28:13.779 --> 00:28:15.781
The bullying happened at school

568
00:28:15.824 --> 00:28:19.393
-or on the bus.
-The ways in which this person

569
00:28:19.436 --> 00:28:23.266
could have access to my life
were pretty limited.

570
00:28:23.310 --> 00:28:26.182
In this case,
it was the seven hours
that I was at school.

571
00:28:26.226 --> 00:28:28.750
Okay. Really? Come on, guys.

572
00:28:30.143 --> 00:28:32.362
Now, it's always available.

573
00:28:32.406 --> 00:28:34.713
It's going to follow
them everywhere.

574
00:28:34.756 --> 00:28:37.716
Have any of you
ever been harassed online?

575
00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:41.632
-Yes, 120%.
-People are still
just like mean.

576
00:28:41.676 --> 00:28:45.506
[girl] They're called trolls.
They just troll you and they
try and make you feel bad.

577
00:28:45.549 --> 00:28:50.467
Trolls are just kind
of a part of the society
we live in nowadays.

578
00:28:50.511 --> 00:28:54.776
Our bullying did not go
in front of the whole
world on social media.

579
00:28:54.820 --> 00:28:58.649
To them it feels like
it went out to the whole world.

580
00:28:58.693 --> 00:29:01.957
Personally, like I don't
really get those. Well...

581
00:29:05.526 --> 00:29:08.007
Where are the safe places
for a kid growing up?

582
00:29:08.050 --> 00:29:10.923
Because as soon as I get home
everyone goes to their room

583
00:29:10.966 --> 00:29:14.317
and the devices come out
and everything that
was horrible about what

584
00:29:14.361 --> 00:29:19.192
just happened is shared
over and over and over again.

585
00:29:19.235 --> 00:29:21.672
By sixth grade he was like
bullying me on Instagram

586
00:29:21.716 --> 00:29:24.719
and my friends
were telling me and
I had no means to defend myself.

587
00:29:24.763 --> 00:29:27.940
Well, honestly,
I do think it's worse
to be bullied online

588
00:29:27.983 --> 00:29:29.985
because you don't know
who you're talking to.

589
00:29:30.029 --> 00:29:32.814
Big picture, he was bullied
in a lot of different ways

590
00:29:32.858 --> 00:29:35.817
and part of the way that

591
00:29:35.861 --> 00:29:38.820
also showed up
was through text message.

592
00:29:38.864 --> 00:29:41.997
You know it was in person,
in school, in the classroom,

593
00:29:42.041 --> 00:29:43.825
divide and conquer
as well as cyber.

594
00:29:43.869 --> 00:29:46.219
And so, it was coming
at him from all angles.

595
00:29:46.262 --> 00:29:49.222
And it would never shut off,
but the cyber stuff...

596
00:29:49.265 --> 00:29:52.834
yeah, so I would block kid a,
and block kid b,

597
00:29:52.878 --> 00:29:57.360
and they would give
Ethan's number...
then they started texting Gavin.

598
00:29:57.404 --> 00:30:01.234
They had Gavin's ID and messages
were coming in through...

599
00:30:01.277 --> 00:30:03.105
Gavin was what, six at the time.

600
00:30:03.149 --> 00:30:05.455
-They were relentless.
-He was the target.

601
00:30:05.499 --> 00:30:07.327
It was relentless.

602
00:30:07.370 --> 00:30:10.678
When I finally did get
a phone in seventh grade, it...

603
00:30:10.721 --> 00:30:14.247
it got bad because I also got
Snapchat around the same time.

604
00:30:14.290 --> 00:30:17.032
And so, I could now see
what he was posting about me.

605
00:30:17.076 --> 00:30:20.993
-Every kid sees this happening.
-It's hitting a much
larger and broader audience

606
00:30:21.036 --> 00:30:24.910
than it ever used to, you know,
and sometimes people pile on.

607
00:30:24.953 --> 00:30:28.043
It's another thing
when the bully gets 25 people

608
00:30:28.087 --> 00:30:30.916
on a text thread
and it's all directed at you.

609
00:30:30.959 --> 00:30:33.744
It's just... it's a different
scale and it's a different time.

610
00:30:33.788 --> 00:30:36.617
It's an amplifier
for the worst parts of us.

611
00:30:36.660 --> 00:30:38.358
Let's take
an example like Twitter.

612
00:30:38.401 --> 00:30:40.055
It's calculating
what is the thing

613
00:30:40.099 --> 00:30:41.448
that I can show you

614
00:30:41.491 --> 00:30:43.363
that gets the most engagement.

615
00:30:43.406 --> 00:30:46.061
And it turns out that outrage...
moral outrage

616
00:30:46.105 --> 00:30:48.803
gets the most engagement.
So it was found in a study that

617
00:30:48.847 --> 00:30:52.328
for every word of moral outrage
that you add to a tweet

618
00:30:52.372 --> 00:30:55.027
it increases your re-tweet rate
by 17%.

619
00:30:55.070 --> 00:30:57.246
If they didn't have tech,

620
00:30:57.290 --> 00:31:00.162
I swear they would have
a black eye every day.

621
00:31:00.206 --> 00:31:02.208
There are just so many
more channels through which

622
00:31:02.251 --> 00:31:05.820
I can be a complete jerk
that don't involve me being

623
00:31:05.864 --> 00:31:08.518
in front of you
which is the great neutralizer

624
00:31:08.562 --> 00:31:12.522
of cruelty because if I see you
and I look you in the eye,

625
00:31:12.566 --> 00:31:15.743
we tend to treat
each other differently.

626
00:31:15.786 --> 00:31:17.919
He was having
a really difficult time.

627
00:31:17.963 --> 00:31:20.879
He was very agitated
and it was...

628
00:31:20.922 --> 00:31:23.316
It had to do with his phone
and I couldn't understand

629
00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:26.536
because we'd found
some text messages on it
that concerned me.

630
00:31:26.580 --> 00:31:29.409
And I asked him about it
and I took the phone from him

631
00:31:29.452 --> 00:31:34.675
and we talked, shared some tears
and I said, "Really son,
what's going on here?"

632
00:31:34.718 --> 00:31:38.331
Couple days after Christmas
the stomach pains got so bad we
had to go to the emergency room.

633
00:31:38.374 --> 00:31:41.769
I was convinced
he had appendicitis,
he was in so much pain.

634
00:31:41.812 --> 00:31:44.250
He threw up two or three times.

635
00:31:44.293 --> 00:31:47.079
His blood work's good.
This is weird, we don't know.

636
00:31:47.122 --> 00:31:49.733
And I knew in that moment
it was anxiety. I knew it.

637
00:31:49.777 --> 00:31:52.475
We got him
through the other side,
but there was a place there

638
00:31:52.519 --> 00:31:55.174
where it was so dark
I thought this is it.

639
00:31:55.217 --> 00:31:58.699
That's...
this is that tipping moment
where we lost our kid.

640
00:31:58.742 --> 00:32:03.878
Certainly the... yeah,
there's an element that
kids need to learn resilience

641
00:32:03.922 --> 00:32:07.403
and they need to understand
that people are not always
going to agree with them

642
00:32:07.447 --> 00:32:11.364
and they may even tease them.
And there's an element

643
00:32:11.407 --> 00:32:14.584
that that's okay
because that's... we can't

644
00:32:14.628 --> 00:32:17.457
train kids to expect that
they will always be shielded

645
00:32:17.500 --> 00:32:19.676
from any negative
thing in their life.

646
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:22.941
That said it's important
for a parent to know

647
00:32:22.984 --> 00:32:25.204
where in the spectrum
it is for your child

648
00:32:25.247 --> 00:32:27.467
relative to where they are
in their developmental cycle.

649
00:32:27.510 --> 00:32:31.036
So it's definitely there.
It's definitely there, but

650
00:32:31.079 --> 00:32:35.257
I'm certain it's probably more
behind people's backs nowadays.

651
00:32:35.301 --> 00:32:38.043
Cyber bullying is definitely
like Charlie said,

652
00:32:38.086 --> 00:32:41.176
a lot more subtle than people
like to make it out to be.

653
00:32:41.220 --> 00:32:43.918
So what happens when somebody
takes somebody off Instagram?

654
00:32:43.962 --> 00:32:46.268
-Oh, it's a big thing.
-It's a big deal. When you block

655
00:32:46.312 --> 00:32:48.053
somebody on Instagram
you can tell,

656
00:32:48.096 --> 00:32:50.620
we all know the signs
when somebody blocks you

657
00:32:50.664 --> 00:32:52.709
and it's like
a big thing because,

658
00:32:52.753 --> 00:32:55.625
you know, this person
doesn't like you anymore.

659
00:32:55.669 --> 00:32:59.064
[Chris] That group photo
where I don't tag that one girl.

660
00:32:59.107 --> 00:33:01.109
Their parents may not
pick up on that,

661
00:33:01.153 --> 00:33:03.764
but that is a subtle way of
saying, I'm not going to tag you

662
00:33:03.807 --> 00:33:07.333
or I'm not going to like that
photo or whatever it might be.

663
00:33:07.376 --> 00:33:11.206
We've attached worth to those
things and that's a little
subtle jab

664
00:33:12.468 --> 00:33:15.863
that kids are doing all
the time. I see it. I hear it.

665
00:33:15.906 --> 00:33:18.257
[Kelly] What about
the constant awareness that

666
00:33:18.300 --> 00:33:21.608
you're not invited to something
or you're being left out?

667
00:33:21.651 --> 00:33:26.917
I hate that. Nothing
makes me more upset than that.

668
00:33:26.961 --> 00:33:28.832
When people hang out
or do something cooler than you,

669
00:33:28.876 --> 00:33:30.617
they're going to post it
and then it just shows like,

670
00:33:30.660 --> 00:33:32.227
"Hey, you're not here.

671
00:33:32.271 --> 00:33:33.576
You know, you suck."

672
00:33:35.056 --> 00:33:37.841
I would actually like be
like, "What did I do wrong?

673
00:33:37.885 --> 00:33:40.888
I must have done something
wrong like I need to fix
something about my character,

674
00:33:40.931 --> 00:33:44.326
like I just need
to completely change myself.

675
00:33:44.370 --> 00:33:46.198
Who would be the person
that would be invited

676
00:33:46.241 --> 00:33:48.200
and then make myself into that?"

677
00:33:49.157 --> 00:33:51.768
It's not outright
and it's not something

678
00:33:51.812 --> 00:33:53.901
you can just see
when you go online.

679
00:33:53.944 --> 00:33:55.816
It's something
that's behind the scenes

680
00:33:55.859 --> 00:33:57.992
and it's something
that affects someone

681
00:33:58.036 --> 00:34:00.386
over years and years and...

682
00:34:00.429 --> 00:34:03.693
and slowly changes
the way they think.

683
00:34:12.572 --> 00:34:14.965
[man 6] How easy
was pornography to come across?

684
00:34:15.009 --> 00:34:17.838
-Oh, boy!
-[man 6] Yeah. Oh, boy!

685
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:20.101
-Yeah, like Mom, Dad,
don't watch this.
-I know.

686
00:34:20.145 --> 00:34:21.929
I had a trunk
and I had ways to hide it.

687
00:34:21.972 --> 00:34:23.887
We had different methods
of finding it.

688
00:34:23.931 --> 00:34:27.413
We congregated at this one guy's
house because he had

689
00:34:27.456 --> 00:34:31.069
a VHS tape that had something
on it that had been
recorded from Cinemax.

690
00:34:31.112 --> 00:34:32.940
Go up to your uncle,
go to the bathroom up there,

691
00:34:32.983 --> 00:34:36.335
we'd take a Playboy in there...
run down

692
00:34:36.378 --> 00:34:38.859
-the alley and look at it.
-She brought out a few
magazines.

693
00:34:38.902 --> 00:34:41.034
"Quick, you can look real quick.
Somebody's coming."

694
00:34:41.079 --> 00:34:43.036
"Look at this!" And it was
a Playboy magazine

695
00:34:43.081 --> 00:34:45.039
and I was like, "Goodnight!
What are they doing?"

696
00:34:45.083 --> 00:34:46.475
And we thought,
"This is our moment."

697
00:34:46.518 --> 00:34:48.869
You had to be MacGyver to like

698
00:34:48.911 --> 00:34:51.045
to get it, hold it, keep it.

699
00:34:51.089 --> 00:34:53.395
But they had those sex hotlines
that you could call.

700
00:34:53.438 --> 00:34:56.224
-[man 7] Oh, yeah. The 1-900.
-[female voice] Call me now.

701
00:34:56.268 --> 00:35:00.185
Yeah, they were like advertising
on the late-night TV.

702
00:35:00.228 --> 00:35:02.361
But this was again a plan,

703
00:35:02.404 --> 00:35:05.146
like a detailed plan
that had to be enacted.

704
00:35:05.190 --> 00:35:08.410
There was no other way to get
access to this sort of thing.

705
00:35:08.454 --> 00:35:11.021
In the 50s we had pinup girls.

706
00:35:11.065 --> 00:35:14.199
Brigitte Bardot,
Marilyn Monroe and in the 60s

707
00:35:14.242 --> 00:35:17.245
we had Girly Magazines
and then in the 80s

708
00:35:17.289 --> 00:35:22.163
we had VHS and then there were
chatrooms with webcams

709
00:35:22.207 --> 00:35:26.472
and now we have cell phones
in kids' hands.

710
00:35:26.515 --> 00:35:27.690
[suspenseful music]

711
00:35:29.910 --> 00:35:35.220
All the physical barriers,
be it physical location, right?

712
00:35:35.263 --> 00:35:37.483
Be it proximity,
all those sorts of things,

713
00:35:37.526 --> 00:35:40.790
be it people, maybe they
had access to it, right?

714
00:35:40.834 --> 00:35:43.053
None of those barriers
exist anymore.

715
00:35:43.097 --> 00:35:44.925
I mean it's completely
different now. I mean,

716
00:35:44.968 --> 00:35:48.276
it is like it's all video
and it's all...

717
00:35:48.320 --> 00:35:53.890
and watching XXX videos
are a lot different than
looking at a Playboy Magazine.

718
00:35:55.805 --> 00:35:59.069
The Australian study
that found that about half

719
00:35:59.113 --> 00:36:05.163
of children ages 8 to 16
had exposure to pornography

720
00:36:05.206 --> 00:36:07.904
and many of those were
actively seeking it out.

721
00:36:07.948 --> 00:36:10.864
27%, if you look
at the unfiltered internet,

722
00:36:10.907 --> 00:36:15.129
27% of all video contents
on the unfiltered internet

723
00:36:15.173 --> 00:36:17.436
is pornographic
or explicit in some way.

724
00:36:17.479 --> 00:36:19.742
If I imagine
every day growing up,
there was a coffee table

725
00:36:19.786 --> 00:36:21.831
in my living room
and there were four magazines

726
00:36:21.875 --> 00:36:24.269
on that coffee table,
one of them was pornographic

727
00:36:24.312 --> 00:36:27.141
and three of them weren't
and my parents just hoped

728
00:36:27.185 --> 00:36:29.752
every day that I didn't look
at the wrong one.

729
00:36:31.058 --> 00:36:35.105
That is what
the unfiltered internet
is for kids today.

730
00:36:35.149 --> 00:36:39.284
We have put little boxes of porn
in their pockets

731
00:36:39.327 --> 00:36:42.809
under the guise of safety, under
the guise of overprotection,

732
00:36:42.852 --> 00:36:44.941
under the guise of I have
to get in touch with my kid

733
00:36:44.985 --> 00:36:47.596
all the time, every day, 24/7,

734
00:36:47.640 --> 00:36:50.338
we have given them access
to pornography that far exceeds

735
00:36:50.382 --> 00:36:53.515
anything
that we ever were exposed to.

736
00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:57.563
What about porn? Does ever...
do guys all watch porn?

737
00:36:57.606 --> 00:37:00.653
Okay, I like didn't even realize
that, but pretty much every guy

738
00:37:00.696 --> 00:37:04.265
has like an addiction to it
but no one talks about it.

739
00:37:04.309 --> 00:37:06.876
So say I'm like talking to them
about it and they'll be like...

740
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:09.879
I'll be like,
"Does that guy do it, too?"
And they're like, "Yeah."

741
00:37:09.923 --> 00:37:12.969
And I'm like, "That sweet
innocent boy watches it, too?"

742
00:37:13.013 --> 00:37:14.884
-Like everyone.
-Everyone.

743
00:37:14.928 --> 00:37:17.409
Everyone no, no,
like every everyone watches it.

744
00:37:17.452 --> 00:37:19.541
How many guys and girls do
you guys know that watch porn?

745
00:37:20.499 --> 00:37:22.805
I'd say all guys pretty much.

746
00:37:22.849 --> 00:37:25.025
I think I know
one guy in my school. I think

747
00:37:25.068 --> 00:37:26.548
I've talked to one
that I can confidently say

748
00:37:26.592 --> 00:37:28.376
hasn't and nobody else.

749
00:37:28.420 --> 00:37:30.639
You know, it's very prevalent

750
00:37:30.683 --> 00:37:31.945
and like everybody knows it.

751
00:37:31.988 --> 00:37:33.860
They watch porn for fun.

752
00:37:33.903 --> 00:37:35.862
They don't even watch it
for any sexual release.

753
00:37:35.905 --> 00:37:37.342
They just watch it to watch it.

754
00:37:37.385 --> 00:37:39.169
Do you think parents

755
00:37:39.213 --> 00:37:41.694
really have any clue
of how significant

756
00:37:41.737 --> 00:37:45.437
of an issue pornography
is in... in kids?

757
00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:47.569
No. They're...
they're pretty clueless.

758
00:37:47.613 --> 00:37:49.005
-[girl] Yeah.
-Okay.

759
00:38:02.584 --> 00:38:04.020
What percentage?

760
00:38:04.064 --> 00:38:05.892
It is on every platform,

761
00:38:05.935 --> 00:38:08.068
even the platforms
that parents think it's not on.

762
00:38:08.111 --> 00:38:11.724
Just, for example,
Twitter which is one

763
00:38:11.767 --> 00:38:14.640
that most adults probably use.
They probably know Twitter.

764
00:38:14.683 --> 00:38:17.295
Snapchat is where
explicit content on Pornhub

765
00:38:17.338 --> 00:38:19.297
lives just seconds away
from every user

766
00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:21.211
through backdoors
within the app.

767
00:38:21.255 --> 00:38:22.952
The app knowingly allows

768
00:38:22.996 --> 00:38:25.303
a well-documented list
of porn performers

769
00:38:25.346 --> 00:38:27.609
to make thousands of dollars
daily

770
00:38:27.653 --> 00:38:29.916
through their premium
Snap accounts.

771
00:38:29.959 --> 00:38:32.701
The people
behind pornography know

772
00:38:32.745 --> 00:38:35.400
how to optimize
their content for search terms.

773
00:38:35.443 --> 00:38:38.446
Pornographers,
any new technology

774
00:38:38.490 --> 00:38:41.928
that comes out they
immediately saturate it.

775
00:38:41.971 --> 00:38:44.626
They know about it before...
as it's getting ready

776
00:38:44.670 --> 00:38:48.108
to come out and they
are ready with every strategy
to saturate it.

777
00:38:48.151 --> 00:38:51.764
At what age did like
watching porn become common?

778
00:38:51.807 --> 00:38:54.288
-I'd say seventh grade.
-Yeah, middle school.

779
00:38:54.332 --> 00:38:57.030
Ninth and tenth grade,
I remember guys being like,

780
00:38:57.073 --> 00:39:01.121
"Yeah, like I had an issue
in seventh grade." And I'm like,
"I'm sorry. What?"

781
00:39:01.164 --> 00:39:03.950
What I say to parents is it's
time for every parent on Earth

782
00:39:03.993 --> 00:39:06.474
to leave the ignorance
of the land of "if"

783
00:39:06.518 --> 00:39:09.521
and embrace
the reality of "when".

784
00:39:09.564 --> 00:39:14.090
The film we'll see
this morning will give
the answers to these questions.

785
00:39:14.134 --> 00:39:17.180
It will also show
the earliest phases of growth

786
00:39:17.224 --> 00:39:21.271
as well as the changes
that take place during
childhood and adolescence.

787
00:39:21.315 --> 00:39:25.450
So when my parents
were addressing the birds
and the bees with me

788
00:39:25.493 --> 00:39:27.408
there was no conversation.

789
00:39:28.888 --> 00:39:33.283
I walked out more confused
after the conversation
than when it started.

790
00:39:33.327 --> 00:39:37.549
We don't talk
about those things at all.

791
00:39:37.592 --> 00:39:43.119
Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex.
Where were we?

792
00:39:43.163 --> 00:39:46.514
It's absolutely normal
to be curious about sexuality.

793
00:39:46.558 --> 00:39:49.212
It's normal to be interested.

794
00:39:49.256 --> 00:39:52.694
Don't have sex because you
will get pregnant and die.

795
00:39:52.738 --> 00:39:55.044
Just don't do it, promise?

796
00:39:56.176 --> 00:39:58.004
Okay, everybody
take some rubbers.

797
00:39:58.047 --> 00:40:00.310
My dad had conversations with me

798
00:40:00.354 --> 00:40:02.008
when I was a teenage girl.

799
00:40:02.051 --> 00:40:05.185
Like I asked him
and he was very blunt

800
00:40:05.228 --> 00:40:08.797
-and just told me.
-Do you think kids are using

801
00:40:08.841 --> 00:40:10.582
pornography as sex education?

802
00:40:10.625 --> 00:40:13.323
-Yeah.
-Okay.

803
00:40:13.367 --> 00:40:16.370
Because I feel like
they don't want to like

804
00:40:16.414 --> 00:40:19.329
talk to like a parent
or like a guidance counselor

805
00:40:19.373 --> 00:40:22.811
or anything like that
because it's awkward. It's
an awkward topic to talk about.

806
00:40:22.855 --> 00:40:26.032
Like I said I have
three classes right now

807
00:40:26.075 --> 00:40:30.515
and they all are going
like over...

808
00:40:30.558 --> 00:40:33.474
like sex ed-type things
and it's really boring.

809
00:40:33.518 --> 00:40:37.957
So a lot of the times
I don't like...
I just kind of like tune it out.

810
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:41.047
This is a tool for sex
education for a lot of children.

811
00:40:41.090 --> 00:40:44.267
They are learning
so many wrong things

812
00:40:44.311 --> 00:40:47.445
not only about sex,
but about relationships.

813
00:40:47.488 --> 00:40:49.925
[girl] Guys, especially
our age like...

814
00:40:49.969 --> 00:40:53.189
they just like watch porn
to like be fulfilled
in their own ways.

815
00:40:53.233 --> 00:40:56.497
So then they're just like...
like, if my girl can't do

816
00:40:56.541 --> 00:40:59.631
the same thing
that these people are doing,
then something's off.

817
00:40:59.674 --> 00:41:02.024
I don't want to be compared
to like a porn star like...

818
00:41:13.906 --> 00:41:16.430
-Wow!
-There's like certain guys
that I've hooked up with

819
00:41:16.474 --> 00:41:18.563
and I'm like,
"This is really aggressive.

820
00:41:18.606 --> 00:41:20.347
Like this is too much for me."

821
00:41:20.390 --> 00:41:23.132
And then I'm like...
and it's just terrible.

822
00:41:23.176 --> 00:41:25.265
I'm like this is so bad.
Because I haven't had sex, yet,

823
00:41:25.308 --> 00:41:28.181
like people... or like
the guys will like ask

824
00:41:28.224 --> 00:41:30.183
and I'm like, "No, I don't want
to do that with you."

825
00:41:30.226 --> 00:41:31.967
And they're like,
"Are you kidding me?"

826
00:41:32.011 --> 00:41:34.535
-Like, they get so mad.
-Guys get this image

827
00:41:34.579 --> 00:41:37.407
in their head that that's
how intimacy goes

828
00:41:37.451 --> 00:41:39.148
and that's how sex goes and...

829
00:41:39.192 --> 00:41:41.542
There's definitely
a bigger population

830
00:41:41.586 --> 00:41:44.327
of guys that feel that way
now than they were...

831
00:41:44.371 --> 00:41:46.112
they were even
like five years ago.

832
00:41:56.122 --> 00:41:58.211
[Chris]
The science is still emerging

833
00:41:58.254 --> 00:42:00.518
but I just happen
to live in the camp

834
00:42:00.561 --> 00:42:03.564
that when young people
are exposed

835
00:42:03.608 --> 00:42:06.001
to large amounts of pornography,

836
00:42:06.045 --> 00:42:08.917
it shapes the way
that they see other people.

837
00:42:08.961 --> 00:42:12.051
I happen to be somebody
who at a very young age

838
00:42:12.094 --> 00:42:13.922
was exposed to pornography.

839
00:42:13.966 --> 00:42:18.623
I discovered a stack,
you know, of magazines

840
00:42:18.666 --> 00:42:23.541
when I was way too young
and that planted
a lot of curiosities in me

841
00:42:23.584 --> 00:42:25.760
that I wasn't ready for,
quite honestly.

842
00:42:25.804 --> 00:42:27.893
I didn't know
what to do with that.

843
00:42:27.936 --> 00:42:30.678
And we could talk a long time
about what that did to me

844
00:42:30.722 --> 00:42:35.074
later in life and what that did
to distort just my views

845
00:42:35.117 --> 00:42:37.903
of sex and intimacy even as a,
you know, a young adult

846
00:42:37.946 --> 00:42:41.254
and as a married man,
even leading to an addiction

847
00:42:41.297 --> 00:42:44.953
of my own to pornography
that was destructive
in a lot of ways.

848
00:42:44.997 --> 00:42:48.653
That was years ago
but I can link all
of those things together.

849
00:42:48.696 --> 00:42:50.785
And I'm a guy that did not
grow up in the digital age,

850
00:42:50.829 --> 00:42:54.963
yet, I was exposed to something
that I wasn't ready for.

851
00:42:55.007 --> 00:42:57.618
I didn't have anybody
who was giving me any sort

852
00:42:57.662 --> 00:43:00.403
of baseline to compare that to,

853
00:43:00.447 --> 00:43:04.190
so a combination of that
early exposure plus the internet

854
00:43:04.233 --> 00:43:06.801
became a very toxic thing
for my life.

855
00:43:06.845 --> 00:43:11.850
I feel like a lot of porn
does... I guess... show

856
00:43:11.893 --> 00:43:15.027
the women as more submissive
and it kind of

857
00:43:15.070 --> 00:43:18.508
puts that idea, I guess,
in boys' minds.

858
00:43:18.552 --> 00:43:21.686
It just leads to guys
objectifying women a lot,

859
00:43:21.729 --> 00:43:24.993
you know,
and then they forget about
the whole relationship part

860
00:43:25.037 --> 00:43:28.736
and that's all they think
of now is just sex
because that's all they've seen.

861
00:43:28.780 --> 00:43:31.565
I know we've been talking
about like a lot
of like guys are like

862
00:43:31.609 --> 00:43:34.220
-into pornography, but like
a lot of girls are, too.
-[Free] Absolutely.

863
00:43:34.263 --> 00:43:36.788
I don't even think
parents have like the

864
00:43:36.831 --> 00:43:39.486
birds and the bees talk anymore
because kids will know about it

865
00:43:39.529 --> 00:43:42.271
by the time they're like eight
if they have access
to social media.

866
00:43:43.838 --> 00:43:46.362
-[man 8] Yeah?
-It's just, honestly,
I've thought...

867
00:43:47.712 --> 00:43:50.802
But it's just faster
now and it's younger.

868
00:43:50.845 --> 00:43:55.371
[Patti] 20% of youth report that
they came across at children,

869
00:43:55.415 --> 00:43:57.286
you know, that it was unwanted.

870
00:43:57.330 --> 00:43:59.549
But we can now be
in different places

871
00:43:59.593 --> 00:44:03.771
and we're in a group chat
and somebody shares it,

872
00:44:03.815 --> 00:44:05.599
everybody's got it
if they open it.

873
00:44:05.643 --> 00:44:07.732
And in the elementary schools
that I'm in,

874
00:44:07.775 --> 00:44:10.735
I typically hear counselors
saying, "Yeah, we've got kids

875
00:44:10.778 --> 00:44:14.042
that are already
seeking that out
in the elementary school age."

876
00:44:14.086 --> 00:44:16.262
Sex is not something
that is easy to talk about

877
00:44:16.305 --> 00:44:18.743
with your kid at any age,
but it's something that you

878
00:44:18.786 --> 00:44:21.397
absolutely have to talk about,
and at a younger age

879
00:44:21.441 --> 00:44:24.400
than you might think
because even if he couldn't

880
00:44:24.444 --> 00:44:28.056
access pornography
on his personal device

881
00:44:28.100 --> 00:44:31.016
or through our home,
you know, cable,

882
00:44:31.059 --> 00:44:33.148
somebody on the bus
probably could.

883
00:44:36.195 --> 00:44:40.503
This mother
proceeded to tell me,
her son was 11 years old,

884
00:44:40.547 --> 00:44:42.941
but when he was nine years old

885
00:44:42.984 --> 00:44:44.856
he went to sleep over
at a friend's house,

886
00:44:44.899 --> 00:44:46.727
a family that
they knew quite well.

887
00:44:46.771 --> 00:44:51.863
And this son, his friend
showed him pornography,

888
00:44:51.906 --> 00:44:55.693
um, hardcore,
really horrible stuff

889
00:44:55.736 --> 00:44:58.739
on the iPad at the sleepover

890
00:44:58.783 --> 00:45:03.265
and then proceeded to practice
that pornography on her son.

891
00:45:04.223 --> 00:45:06.486
That was
when he was nine years old.

892
00:45:06.529 --> 00:45:09.924
Okay, fast forward two years,
he's now 11.

893
00:45:09.968 --> 00:45:12.405
He's never told
anybody about this,

894
00:45:12.448 --> 00:45:16.583
but mom has noticed that,
"My son just isn't
happy anymore",

895
00:45:16.626 --> 00:45:18.846
and she sat down and had
a conversation with him

896
00:45:18.890 --> 00:45:21.457
and found out
through this conversation

897
00:45:21.501 --> 00:45:25.287
that for two years
he had held on to this secret

898
00:45:25.331 --> 00:45:27.855
and he felt so much shame
and guilt that there was
something wrong

899
00:45:27.899 --> 00:45:29.770
with him,
that he did something wrong.

900
00:45:29.814 --> 00:45:32.120
And so, for two years he held on

901
00:45:32.164 --> 00:45:37.082
to this corrosive secret
that started on an iPad.

902
00:45:37.125 --> 00:45:40.476
The number one
common denominator

903
00:45:40.520 --> 00:45:42.870
of those who abuse other kids

904
00:45:42.914 --> 00:45:46.178
is an early exposure
to pornography

905
00:45:46.221 --> 00:45:47.919
because what they see,

906
00:45:47.962 --> 00:45:51.705
they feel neurologically
compelled to do.

907
00:45:51.749 --> 00:45:53.315
[soft music]

908
00:46:23.781 --> 00:46:27.349
I guess
my first boyfriend was...

909
00:46:27.393 --> 00:46:30.700
I was college age
when I had my first boyfriend.

910
00:46:31.876 --> 00:46:35.183
We would have hay rides
or winter roasts

911
00:46:35.227 --> 00:46:38.056
or it was more...
more like just groups of people.

912
00:46:39.057 --> 00:46:42.582
Now, after you finished 4-h
they had what they'd call

913
00:46:42.625 --> 00:46:44.932
rural youth and that's how
I met my husband.

914
00:46:44.976 --> 00:46:48.893
We would meet once a month
and... and maybe have a dance

915
00:46:48.936 --> 00:46:52.679
or a lot of those square dancing
and everybody was a...

916
00:46:52.722 --> 00:46:56.335
would bring food and... and
there were a lot of marriages.

917
00:46:56.378 --> 00:47:02.254
My friend, Mary Lou and I
both met our husbands
through rural youth.

918
00:47:02.297 --> 00:47:06.084
So that's how I met my...
that's how I met my Mr. Right.

919
00:47:07.172 --> 00:47:08.390
[soft music]

920
00:47:14.701 --> 00:47:19.401
Dating in 2020. How do dating
relationships begin?

921
00:47:19.445 --> 00:47:21.534
A guy says you're hot,
pretty much.

922
00:47:22.665 --> 00:47:24.972
The guy will like add
you on Snapchat

923
00:47:25.016 --> 00:47:27.322
and then you might like say you
like each other, but you know,

924
00:47:27.366 --> 00:47:29.803
of course, it's over text
it's not face to face.

925
00:47:29.847 --> 00:47:32.850
-Then you guys
might have a thing.
-Hooking up with each other.

926
00:47:32.893 --> 00:47:35.983
-Or when you like...
-So you hook up
before you are dating.

927
00:47:36.027 --> 00:47:38.681
-Yes.
-People don't really like...

928
00:47:38.725 --> 00:47:41.380
go on any dates.
It's kind of you
just like hang out

929
00:47:41.423 --> 00:47:44.774
or like guys just use you.
It's true.

930
00:47:44.818 --> 00:47:48.561
-[girl] Right.
-We couldn't communicate
in person

931
00:47:48.604 --> 00:47:50.780
because we'd like built
the relationship online.

932
00:47:50.824 --> 00:47:53.131
I had like the same experience.

933
00:47:53.174 --> 00:47:57.048
Only after about three months
he asked for nudes

934
00:47:57.091 --> 00:48:01.791
and when I said no,
I don't send them, he dumped me.

935
00:48:01.835 --> 00:48:05.665
[Patti]
For many young people, sexting

936
00:48:05.708 --> 00:48:07.972
could be considered
the new first base.

937
00:48:08.015 --> 00:48:09.843
Kids call it nudes.
We call it sexting.

938
00:48:09.887 --> 00:48:12.150
Yeah, no.
Everybody knows what it is.

939
00:48:12.193 --> 00:48:14.587
Everyone knows
sexting is a thing.

940
00:48:14.630 --> 00:48:18.983
My school...
sending nudes is very common.

941
00:48:19.026 --> 00:48:21.637
It's mainly between people
who aren't actually dating.

942
00:48:21.681 --> 00:48:24.553
[man 9] Do you know of anyone
who's been affected by that

943
00:48:24.597 --> 00:48:26.468
at all in your school?

944
00:48:26.512 --> 00:48:29.471
-Affected by a sexting?
-[man 9] Yeah, yeah.

945
00:48:29.515 --> 00:48:31.952
Like have had an incident
or a bad thing happen to them.

946
00:48:31.996 --> 00:48:37.001
Well, yeah.
Like nudes of girls go
around the school all the time.

947
00:48:37.044 --> 00:48:38.263
-[man 9] Really?
-Yeah.

948
00:48:39.873 --> 00:48:44.399
We are seeing more and more
young people that expect to jump

949
00:48:44.443 --> 00:48:49.143
right into sexual acts
without the relationship
portion before that,

950
00:48:49.187 --> 00:48:53.060
without getting to know
each other, without going
on that first date,

951
00:48:53.104 --> 00:48:56.977
without holding hands,
without having that first kiss.

952
00:48:57.021 --> 00:48:59.371
They're jumping
straight to send me nude photos,

953
00:48:59.414 --> 00:49:02.287
send me a video of you
masturbating

954
00:49:02.330 --> 00:49:04.637
and that's happening
younger and younger.

955
00:49:04.680 --> 00:49:07.031
But in eighth grade there was
like two different groups

956
00:49:07.074 --> 00:49:10.251
and it was like, the group
of people that like did

957
00:49:10.295 --> 00:49:13.124
like send nudes
or like did all these things

958
00:49:13.167 --> 00:49:15.213
and then the group of girls
that like didn't do it.

959
00:49:15.256 --> 00:49:17.998
And there was a very distinct...
and it was eighth grade.

960
00:49:18.042 --> 00:49:20.870
-And that's what divided
the groups?
-Honestly, yeah.

961
00:49:20.914 --> 00:49:23.656
And like, now like, my brother's
in middle school and like,

962
00:49:23.699 --> 00:49:25.919
I... I sometimes hear him
and then like

963
00:49:25.963 --> 00:49:27.703
a bunch of kids
I babysit middle school, like,

964
00:49:27.747 --> 00:49:29.967
it's happening younger
and younger. And...

965
00:49:31.794 --> 00:49:33.796
I mean like,
sixth and seventh grade.

966
00:49:33.840 --> 00:49:36.582
Like with sexting, while
the studies typically focus

967
00:49:36.625 --> 00:49:39.150
on the ages of...
of 12 and older,

968
00:49:39.193 --> 00:49:41.674
I've been in schools,
elementary schools where sexting

969
00:49:41.717 --> 00:49:44.807
has already occurred
with 10- and 11-year-olds.

970
00:49:46.505 --> 00:49:50.335
We have a lot of teachers
and counselors coming

971
00:49:50.378 --> 00:49:54.817
like trying to discourage us
from doing that type of thing,

972
00:49:54.861 --> 00:49:57.646
but, obviously,
people don't listen.

973
00:49:57.690 --> 00:50:01.259
Like, if you have a teacher
or just someone

974
00:50:01.302 --> 00:50:03.870
like telling you
constantly not to do it,

975
00:50:03.913 --> 00:50:07.221
it makes you more just want
to do it and like to try it out.

976
00:50:07.265 --> 00:50:09.658
Is that amount of communication

977
00:50:09.702 --> 00:50:12.052
needed before a boy feels

978
00:50:12.096 --> 00:50:14.272
comfortable asking somebody
by text for a nude?

979
00:50:14.315 --> 00:50:16.448
You're pretty much lucky
if you get about two weeks

980
00:50:16.491 --> 00:50:18.537
into talking
to them before they ask.

981
00:50:18.580 --> 00:50:20.974
Or even sometimes they won't
even like just like talk to you.

982
00:50:21.018 --> 00:50:22.845
-Like they just...
-[girl] Demand it.

983
00:50:22.889 --> 00:50:25.239
-Yeah.
-Or send their own

984
00:50:25.283 --> 00:50:27.720
-without us asking.
-Yeah.

985
00:50:27.763 --> 00:50:30.549
And what about guys?
Do they send nudes?

986
00:50:30.592 --> 00:50:33.117
Yeah, they're disgusting.
Who wants to see that?

987
00:50:33.160 --> 00:50:36.294
-I wish they wouldn't.
-No, one time
I was with a friend

988
00:50:36.337 --> 00:50:40.124
and we were...
we were having a sleepover,
woke up, good morn...

989
00:50:40.167 --> 00:50:42.387
it was 8 AM. I was like,
I don't need to see this.

990
00:50:42.430 --> 00:50:44.389
They're more unsolicited like

991
00:50:44.432 --> 00:50:46.434
most of my friends
have gotten them and...

992
00:50:46.478 --> 00:50:48.045
I feel like for girls
for the most part

993
00:50:48.088 --> 00:50:49.568
get disgusted by it.

994
00:50:49.611 --> 00:50:51.700
What do you think
percentage-wise

995
00:50:51.744 --> 00:50:53.528
of girls have received them?

996
00:50:53.572 --> 00:50:56.270
-High percentage.
-Probably more than half.

997
00:50:56.314 --> 00:50:57.445
-Yeah.
-More than half.

998
00:50:57.489 --> 00:50:58.664
[boy] Do a lot of people

999
00:50:58.707 --> 00:51:00.013
you guys know send nudes?

1000
00:51:03.669 --> 00:51:04.757
In middle school...

1001
00:51:06.933 --> 00:51:08.717
-That was a huge thing.
-Oh, yeah.

1002
00:51:08.761 --> 00:51:11.242
-You guys have huge problems.
-Scandals.

1003
00:51:11.285 --> 00:51:13.374
They're... there are
like these rings almost,

1004
00:51:13.418 --> 00:51:16.116
so they gotten caught and
the police would get involved.

1005
00:51:16.160 --> 00:51:19.337
In middle school
that's like the peak

1006
00:51:19.380 --> 00:51:21.730
of like which
is totally messed up.

1007
00:51:21.774 --> 00:51:24.342
It's just so casual,
but then when a girl does it

1008
00:51:24.385 --> 00:51:26.561
it's totally different
and looked down upon kind of.

1009
00:51:26.605 --> 00:51:29.956
Some girls I know, like,
they just like won't say no

1010
00:51:29.999 --> 00:51:32.480
because they're like scared
of like the repercussions

1011
00:51:32.524 --> 00:51:35.092
because they don't want
to be yelled at or called
a prude, or like...

1012
00:51:35.135 --> 00:51:36.832
And you're constantly judged.

1013
00:51:36.876 --> 00:51:38.747
That's so true
like they're either like,

1014
00:51:38.791 --> 00:51:40.445
"Oh, well she's a slut
and will do anything."

1015
00:51:40.488 --> 00:51:42.621
Or, "She won't do
anything with guys."

1016
00:51:42.664 --> 00:51:44.013
And there's really
like no in between.

1017
00:51:44.057 --> 00:51:46.015
It's a no-win situation.

1018
00:51:46.059 --> 00:51:48.583
If you give it to a boy
and then you're a slut,

1019
00:51:48.627 --> 00:51:50.324
then the girls
find out about it,

1020
00:51:50.368 --> 00:51:52.326
then you're cyber bullied
by the girls.

1021
00:51:52.370 --> 00:51:55.373
If you don't give it,
then some girls will even jump

1022
00:51:55.416 --> 00:51:58.506
on the bandwagon, "You know,
I gave it to so-and-so,

1023
00:51:58.550 --> 00:52:00.117
what's the problem?
Why won't you do it?"

1024
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:02.206
What do you do
in that situation?

1025
00:52:02.249 --> 00:52:05.034
Because you,
you know, you can't win.

1026
00:52:05.078 --> 00:52:08.647
I don't think
people think it's a positive

1027
00:52:08.690 --> 00:52:10.692
for doing that type of thing,

1028
00:52:10.736 --> 00:52:12.781
but it definitely
gives you a lot of clout.

1029
00:52:12.825 --> 00:52:16.611
You have a lot of attention
on you, like good or bad.

1030
00:52:16.655 --> 00:52:19.962
And so, people definitely
like want clout.

1031
00:52:20.006 --> 00:52:22.226
They like do like
almost anything

1032
00:52:22.269 --> 00:52:24.402
just for people to, like,
pay attention to them.

1033
00:52:24.445 --> 00:52:28.101
If the good girl
sends Johnny something

1034
00:52:28.145 --> 00:52:31.148
that she normally wouldn't,
everyone's going to be like,

1035
00:52:31.191 --> 00:52:33.150
"Let's get more."

1036
00:52:33.193 --> 00:52:35.195
[girl] And then all the guys
will go after her, too.

1037
00:52:35.239 --> 00:52:40.069
[girl] She's got like 20 new
adds on Snapchat, three new DMs.

1038
00:52:40.113 --> 00:52:43.072
But behind closed doors people
are like, "She is a whore."

1039
00:52:43.116 --> 00:52:44.900
And people act cool
around her, but like

1040
00:52:44.944 --> 00:52:46.859
behind closed doors,
people hate her.

1041
00:52:46.902 --> 00:52:50.210
Let's say your daughter
was dating a football player.

1042
00:52:50.254 --> 00:52:52.778
She breaks up with him,
she hasn't had sex with him,

1043
00:52:52.821 --> 00:52:54.693
but he says you need to give me
a little something, something,

1044
00:52:54.736 --> 00:52:56.956
some pictures and then I'll stay
in the relationship.

1045
00:52:56.999 --> 00:52:59.176
So she does it. She gets
pressured and she does it

1046
00:52:59.219 --> 00:53:01.917
and they break up. Well,
I talk to kids all the time,

1047
00:53:01.961 --> 00:53:04.442
"What happens when you break up
with those pictures?"

1048
00:53:04.485 --> 00:53:05.791
Let me take it a step further.

1049
00:53:05.834 --> 00:53:07.575
"What happens

1050
00:53:07.619 --> 00:53:09.055
when you break up
with your boyfriend

1051
00:53:09.098 --> 00:53:10.665
and his new girlfriend goes

1052
00:53:10.709 --> 00:53:12.885
in his phone
and finds her pictures?"

1053
00:53:12.928 --> 00:53:15.714
-It gets distributed.
-Especially with Snapchat

1054
00:53:15.757 --> 00:53:19.674
which was kind of more or less
created for that exact purpose.

1055
00:53:19.718 --> 00:53:21.546
It gives people a sense of...

1056
00:53:21.589 --> 00:53:23.852
like,
"Oh, it's not that serious.

1057
00:53:23.896 --> 00:53:26.203
The pictures go away." But...

1058
00:53:26.246 --> 00:53:29.989
we all can realize now and
look back and say, "Well, no.

1059
00:53:30.032 --> 00:53:33.427
-That's definitely not true."
-Yeah, once something
is out on the internet,

1060
00:53:33.471 --> 00:53:35.995
social media will latch on
to it, people will download it.

1061
00:53:36.038 --> 00:53:38.302
So it's like a dropbox
and it was like, I guess,

1062
00:53:38.345 --> 00:53:42.349
some guy like went
to our school, made it

1063
00:53:42.393 --> 00:53:46.832
and it's like, just girls nudes,
just like just random people.

1064
00:53:46.875 --> 00:53:50.792
-It's what all the guys do.
-Anyone can access to see it.

1065
00:53:50.836 --> 00:53:53.969
And there was like a list
of like all the people
that had accessed it,

1066
00:53:54.013 --> 00:53:56.537
it was even like people that
you wouldn't think really, like,

1067
00:53:56.581 --> 00:54:00.019
good guys that you
wouldn't think would engage
in that kind of stuff,

1068
00:54:00.062 --> 00:54:03.370
but some girls had no idea
that their pictures were out
in the open for everyone.

1069
00:54:03.414 --> 00:54:05.807
All of these naked pictures
and videos

1070
00:54:05.851 --> 00:54:08.984
guys get from girls
they went to high school with,

1071
00:54:09.028 --> 00:54:11.596
they're in their college dorm,
they go on a9 IB.

1072
00:54:11.639 --> 00:54:13.511
and they trade
them like Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

1073
00:54:13.554 --> 00:54:16.731
I mean this girl
that I grew up with she had

1074
00:54:16.775 --> 00:54:19.560
a sex tape
actually and it was leaked.

1075
00:54:19.604 --> 00:54:22.302
I remember even I who didn't
even go there had access to it,

1076
00:54:22.346 --> 00:54:24.913
but it was sent
around and we were freshmen.

1077
00:54:26.698 --> 00:54:29.309
One of my most hated terms
is "Not my kid".

1078
00:54:29.353 --> 00:54:32.791
Parents suffer from a disease
called the NMK syndrome.

1079
00:54:32.834 --> 00:54:34.880
It's described as "Not my kid."

1080
00:54:34.923 --> 00:54:36.969
"My kid won't do that.
My kid would never.

1081
00:54:37.012 --> 00:54:39.058
My kid's friends
aren't like that.

1082
00:54:39.101 --> 00:54:42.888
My kid's school
isn't like that." You're wrong.

1083
00:54:42.931 --> 00:54:46.631
Everybody's community
is like that.
Every school is like that.

1084
00:54:46.674 --> 00:54:49.895
Every kid has the potential
to do any one of the things

1085
00:54:49.938 --> 00:54:53.159
that we're talking about here,
no, even my own kid.

1086
00:55:14.136 --> 00:55:17.096
About 60% of the youth
who experience

1087
00:55:17.139 --> 00:55:20.621
sextortion when it's...
they're kind of blackmailed or,

1088
00:55:20.665 --> 00:55:23.537
you know, forced to send images,

1089
00:55:23.581 --> 00:55:27.019
threatened to send it,
actually know their perpetrator.

1090
00:55:27.933 --> 00:55:31.371
However, we also then...
about 40% met the person online

1091
00:55:31.415 --> 00:55:32.981
and sent the image.

1092
00:55:33.895 --> 00:55:36.376
[news program music]

1093
00:55:36.420 --> 00:55:38.465
[man 10] He chooses
his innocent victim.

1094
00:55:38.509 --> 00:55:41.294
This time he will not think.

1095
00:55:41.338 --> 00:55:43.209
This time he is sure.

1096
00:55:43.252 --> 00:55:45.690
So, I grew up in the era
of stranger danger.

1097
00:55:45.733 --> 00:55:49.302
So it was really the media that
taught me more about strangers.

1098
00:55:49.346 --> 00:55:51.391
Dangerous people,
you know, stranger danger.

1099
00:55:51.435 --> 00:55:53.915
If somebody tries to engage
with you, run away.

1100
00:55:53.959 --> 00:55:56.570
-It's always like a van.
-A white van with no windows.

1101
00:55:56.614 --> 00:55:59.617
You know,
don't ever get into a car.

1102
00:55:59.660 --> 00:56:02.402
He's going to promise you
a puppy and some candy.
Don't fall for it.

1103
00:56:02.446 --> 00:56:05.579
We were told not to hitchhike
because we would be kidnapped.

1104
00:56:05.623 --> 00:56:07.407
So in 1997,

1105
00:56:08.408 --> 00:56:11.063
we had a guy come
from Brentwood, Tennessee,

1106
00:56:11.106 --> 00:56:14.545
drive up here to Naperville,
met a 13-year-old

1107
00:56:14.588 --> 00:56:16.938
at the corner of her block,
took her to a hotel,

1108
00:56:16.982 --> 00:56:21.247
raped her, let her go back home
and she told her parents

1109
00:56:21.290 --> 00:56:23.380
that she met him on this thing
called America Online.

1110
00:56:23.423 --> 00:56:25.773
[man 11]
Call now for America Online.

1111
00:56:25.817 --> 00:56:27.558
A new way to use your computer
to communicate.

1112
00:56:27.601 --> 00:56:30.387
My Instagram's
kind of like a mix.

1113
00:56:30.430 --> 00:56:32.954
Like I would say half
the people I know

1114
00:56:32.998 --> 00:56:36.175
and half the people I don't know
are like friends of friends.

1115
00:56:36.218 --> 00:56:38.917
Three-fourths of it is probably
my friends from like school

1116
00:56:38.960 --> 00:56:42.355
or acquaintances I know
not just random people
off the internet,

1117
00:56:42.399 --> 00:56:46.620
but there is, of course,
that one-fourth

1118
00:56:46.664 --> 00:56:48.840
that is random people
I've never talked to

1119
00:56:48.883 --> 00:56:50.842
or don't know
looking at pictures of me.

1120
00:56:50.885 --> 00:56:53.627
When it comes to Tumblr,
a lot of people like follow me

1121
00:56:53.671 --> 00:56:56.500
for my stuff and that's cool.
I like to have them follow me,

1122
00:56:56.543 --> 00:57:00.068
but also there's sometimes
people that I don't know
but follow me.

1123
00:57:00.112 --> 00:57:02.723
-I friend a lot of people.
I would just...
-He just friends random people.

1124
00:57:02.767 --> 00:57:06.248
-I would just join games
for no reason and just go,
"add friend, add friend."

1125
00:57:06.292 --> 00:57:08.033
Braxton does end up,
you know, I'll be in there

1126
00:57:08.076 --> 00:57:10.383
and he's on the headphones
playing Xbox

1127
00:57:10.427 --> 00:57:12.124
and I'm like,
"Who are you playing with?"

1128
00:57:12.167 --> 00:57:13.821
He'll be like,
"I don't know, some kid."

1129
00:57:15.127 --> 00:57:18.130
-Have you ever gotten
creepy DMs from guys?
-Yeah, all the time.

1130
00:57:18.173 --> 00:57:22.482
-Have you been solicited
by any creeps online?
-Yes.

1131
00:57:22.526 --> 00:57:25.006
He was contacted
by a stranger on Instagram.

1132
00:57:25.050 --> 00:57:27.618
"Oh, like I saw your page
and like I'm really...

1133
00:57:27.661 --> 00:57:29.576
like, I'm interested
in like sending you money

1134
00:57:29.620 --> 00:57:31.360
for like in exchange
for a picture."

1135
00:57:31.404 --> 00:57:33.841
I had people like DM
me saying that

1136
00:57:33.885 --> 00:57:36.801
I'm like
I'm so beautiful and he'll
buy me whatever I want.

1137
00:57:36.844 --> 00:57:39.804
So we at Bark,
unfortunately, detect issues

1138
00:57:39.847 --> 00:57:42.807
around online child predation
very frequently.

1139
00:57:42.850 --> 00:57:45.940
Last year alone
we escalated 450 online

1140
00:57:45.984 --> 00:57:47.725
child predators
to law enforcement.

1141
00:57:47.768 --> 00:57:51.076
And so, we know that
it's a common problem.

1142
00:57:51.119 --> 00:57:54.645
Unfortunately,
we think most parents
underestimate the...

1143
00:57:54.688 --> 00:57:56.385
the commonality of that problem.

1144
00:57:56.429 --> 00:57:58.953
[Titania]
We decided to go undercover

1145
00:57:58.997 --> 00:58:02.522
as multiple children
on social media

1146
00:58:02.566 --> 00:58:06.526
and post innocuous content
to see what would happen.

1147
00:58:06.570 --> 00:58:10.008
We had to be very intentional
with everything we did.

1148
00:58:10.051 --> 00:58:12.663
We had to create personas.

1149
00:58:12.706 --> 00:58:15.622
They had to have
believable date of births

1150
00:58:15.666 --> 00:58:17.929
and they had to know
everything about the city

1151
00:58:17.972 --> 00:58:20.540
that they lived in and we had
to create story lines,

1152
00:58:20.584 --> 00:58:23.717
and we worked closely
with law enforcement.

1153
00:58:23.761 --> 00:58:26.328
[Brian] And, basically,
just pushed... pushed go.

1154
00:58:26.372 --> 00:58:29.462
We put the... put everything
live and we documented
what happened.

1155
00:58:33.597 --> 00:58:36.687
[woman 7] Within the first hour
of posting on Libby's accounts,

1156
00:58:36.730 --> 00:58:38.906
seven adult men contacted her.

1157
00:58:38.950 --> 00:58:42.127
By the end of nine days
that number was 92.

1158
00:58:43.302 --> 00:58:46.000
The conversations
ranged in severity

1159
00:58:46.044 --> 00:58:48.960
from making sexual comments
to sharing and requesting

1160
00:58:49.003 --> 00:58:53.007
explicit photos and videos
to manipulation and threats.

1161
00:58:55.880 --> 00:58:59.536
[Titania]
We had to deploy an entire team,
you know, around the clock

1162
00:58:59.579 --> 00:59:03.627
to responding because the...
the rate at which

1163
00:59:03.670 --> 00:59:06.673
these messages came in
was mind-boggling.

1164
00:59:06.717 --> 00:59:09.589
And, of course, when you're
dealing with social media

1165
00:59:09.633 --> 00:59:11.635
and the internet,
it's a global thing.

1166
00:59:11.678 --> 00:59:14.202
It's not just an East Coast
thing or a U.S.-based thing.

1167
00:59:14.246 --> 00:59:16.465
There were men
that wanted to talk to children

1168
00:59:16.509 --> 00:59:20.426
for nefarious purposes at all
hours of the day and night.

1169
00:59:20.469 --> 00:59:23.211
We tried it
with younger personas as well,

1170
00:59:23.255 --> 00:59:25.126
even... even an 11-year-old.

1171
00:59:30.567 --> 00:59:33.091
[woman 7] We launched our
11-year-old persona online.

1172
00:59:33.134 --> 00:59:35.484
It's 4:44 and go.

1173
00:59:37.922 --> 00:59:39.314
[suspenseful music]

1174
00:59:46.017 --> 00:59:50.108
One like from a guy
whose profile photo...

1175
00:59:51.675 --> 00:59:53.328
-[gasps]
-...is a penis.

1176
00:59:54.765 --> 00:59:57.463
One... That's one minute
and seven seconds,

1177
00:59:57.506 --> 01:00:00.248
we have a message request.
Although this...

1178
01:00:00.292 --> 01:00:02.076
I'm sorry, two more requests
just came in. How much time?

1179
01:00:02.120 --> 01:00:03.817
-A minute and 40 seconds?
-Yeah.

1180
01:00:03.861 --> 01:00:06.167
-How old are you?
-[Titania]You go

1181
01:00:06.211 --> 01:00:07.995
to the profile,
you know that that is a child.

1182
01:00:08.039 --> 01:00:09.736
It also says in the profile

1183
01:00:09.780 --> 01:00:11.477
that the child
is in sixth grade.

1184
01:00:11.520 --> 01:00:14.349
-Another one.
-[Titania] It's just lighting up

1185
01:00:14.393 --> 01:00:16.482
like the inbox is just boom,
boom, boom, boom.

1186
01:00:19.616 --> 01:00:22.009
[phone ringing]

1187
01:00:22.053 --> 01:00:25.578
[woman 7] An incoming video call
in less than five minutes.

1188
01:00:38.025 --> 01:00:39.723
[woman 8] They all say
don't be shy.

1189
01:00:41.115 --> 01:00:43.727
This happens
to all types of children.

1190
01:00:43.770 --> 01:00:46.512
This is not just kids
who might be at risk.

1191
01:00:46.555 --> 01:00:50.342
You know, oftentimes
it's a child who's simply bored
in their bedroom at night.

1192
01:00:50.385 --> 01:00:53.693
And I cannot tell you
how many children I see

1193
01:00:53.737 --> 01:00:57.784
in their bedrooms on livestream
with tons of people

1194
01:00:57.828 --> 01:01:00.091
just watching them, asking them
to do certain things.

1195
01:01:00.134 --> 01:01:03.572
[Richard]When parents allow
their kids to have that device

1196
01:01:03.616 --> 01:01:06.750
in their rooms at night, you
know, where are your parents?

1197
01:01:06.793 --> 01:01:09.796
Then come to grooming question,
"Where are your parents?"

1198
01:01:09.840 --> 01:01:11.755
Are you on an iPhone
or are you on an iPad?

1199
01:01:11.798 --> 01:01:14.627
What are you wearing?
Your makeup looks so beautiful."

1200
01:01:14.671 --> 01:01:16.803
It's not uncommon
for grooming behavior

1201
01:01:16.847 --> 01:01:20.720
to include showing
minors' images

1202
01:01:20.764 --> 01:01:23.984
of pornography to help them
to think that that is normal

1203
01:01:24.028 --> 01:01:26.900
and then that can be
a progression in toward...

1204
01:01:26.944 --> 01:01:29.903
towards engaging them
in sexual activity.

1205
01:01:29.947 --> 01:01:33.211
Do you want that?
Do you want that as a parent,

1206
01:01:33.254 --> 01:01:36.257
strangers in your child's room
while you're sleeping?

1207
01:01:36.301 --> 01:01:38.825
Would you leave
the door open with a sign

1208
01:01:38.869 --> 01:01:40.348
that says
my daughter's bedroom is

1209
01:01:40.392 --> 01:01:41.785
the second one on the left

1210
01:01:41.828 --> 01:01:43.482
and then go to bed?

1211
01:01:43.525 --> 01:01:46.746
We have traded

1212
01:01:46.790 --> 01:01:49.749
a false sense
of safety and security

1213
01:01:49.793 --> 01:01:53.100
for actually putting
our kids in riskier situations.

1214
01:01:54.798 --> 01:01:57.757
There are some that are
just there for a quick fix.

1215
01:01:57.801 --> 01:02:02.240
They want to see something,
a body part

1216
01:02:02.283 --> 01:02:05.852
or a live video and then you
might not hear from them again,

1217
01:02:05.896 --> 01:02:09.813
but there are others. They
use psychological strategies

1218
01:02:09.856 --> 01:02:14.513
to methodically groom children
by forming a friendship,

1219
01:02:14.556 --> 01:02:18.386
by showing care
and then it escalates

1220
01:02:18.430 --> 01:02:21.041
into more of a controlling
relationship.

1221
01:02:41.279 --> 01:02:45.762
What do predators do
with the pictures
and videos they get from kids?

1222
01:02:45.805 --> 01:02:48.634
They keep it or they trade it.

1223
01:02:48.677 --> 01:02:52.246
Last year alone we received
over 18 million reports

1224
01:02:52.290 --> 01:02:56.033
of international and domestic
online child sexual abuse.

1225
01:02:56.076 --> 01:02:59.688
Between 2017 and 2018
video files reported

1226
01:02:59.732 --> 01:03:03.214
to NCMEC increased 541%.

1227
01:03:03.257 --> 01:03:07.740
We're seeing reports
with graphic and violent
sexual images of young children,

1228
01:03:07.784 --> 01:03:11.918
including infants and reports
of on-demand sexual abuse

1229
01:03:11.962 --> 01:03:13.877
known as live streaming.

1230
01:03:13.920 --> 01:03:16.096
Unfortunately, some of those
were people who wanted

1231
01:03:16.140 --> 01:03:19.012
to actually meet
the child in person

1232
01:03:19.056 --> 01:03:22.450
which could have been
just because they wanted
to have sex with...

1233
01:03:22.494 --> 01:03:25.845
with a minor and sometimes
we believe that it was

1234
01:03:25.889 --> 01:03:27.804
because they might be part
of a sex trafficking ring

1235
01:03:27.847 --> 01:03:29.631
wanting to actually traffic
the child.

1236
01:03:29.675 --> 01:03:31.938
[woman 7] It was
a tough decision, but if Keith

1237
01:03:31.982 --> 01:03:35.072
wanted to meet Libby
in person, we would let him.

1238
01:03:41.469 --> 01:03:43.384
[girl] I've never
done anything like this before

1239
01:03:43.428 --> 01:03:46.126
so I'm a little nervous.

1240
01:03:48.172 --> 01:03:49.390
[girl] Yeah.

1241
01:03:52.567 --> 01:03:54.178
Are you okay with me being 15?

1242
01:04:00.445 --> 01:04:04.275
The project has also resulted
in numerous arrests
and that's... that's great.

1243
01:04:04.318 --> 01:04:06.973
Unfortunately,
it's a drop in the bucket.

1244
01:04:07.017 --> 01:04:12.544
The average internet predator
has 250 victims
in their lifetime.

1245
01:04:12.587 --> 01:04:15.242
One person has that many victims
in their lifetime,

1246
01:04:15.286 --> 01:04:18.985
if they're not caught.
So what happens
in the law enforcement arena

1247
01:04:19.029 --> 01:04:22.946
that cops are not getting
this technology training.

1248
01:04:22.989 --> 01:04:25.557
The problem is so big.

1249
01:04:25.600 --> 01:04:29.126
I mean we would need
to employ so many more officers

1250
01:04:29.169 --> 01:04:31.998
trained in dealing
with this issue.

1251
01:04:32.042 --> 01:04:35.349
[Brian] When you're a law
enforcement professional

1252
01:04:35.393 --> 01:04:38.048
and you're looking at more cases
than you can ever possibly
get to,

1253
01:04:38.091 --> 01:04:40.267
unfortunately,
a lot of those get triaged

1254
01:04:40.311 --> 01:04:44.706
so low that they never
actually get investigated.

1255
01:04:44.750 --> 01:04:47.187
And so, unfortunately, that
allows predators to keep doing

1256
01:04:47.231 --> 01:04:49.581
exactly what they're doing
without as much consequence.

1257
01:04:49.624 --> 01:04:51.539
[woman 7] I think about
how I would have felt

1258
01:04:51.583 --> 01:04:53.715
as a young impressionable
child.

1259
01:04:53.759 --> 01:04:55.935
I would have kept
the abuses to myself

1260
01:04:55.979 --> 01:04:58.590
for fear of being shamed
and blamed.

1261
01:04:58.633 --> 01:05:01.636
I would have suffered
with it secretly and quietly.

1262
01:05:01.680 --> 01:05:05.510
It's important really
to never start that process

1263
01:05:05.553 --> 01:05:07.555
because as a child,
once you're in it,

1264
01:05:07.599 --> 01:05:10.254
it's very hard to get out of it,
very hard to come forward

1265
01:05:10.297 --> 01:05:13.213
and tell your parent, "This
is what's happening to me."

1266
01:05:13.257 --> 01:05:15.999
Do you think your parents
know that this happens?

1267
01:05:16.042 --> 01:05:17.652
-Oh, no.
-No.

1268
01:05:17.696 --> 01:05:19.524
I wouldn't be allowed
to have a phone.

1269
01:05:19.567 --> 01:05:22.483
If they knew what was going on,
it would be stripped.

1270
01:05:22.527 --> 01:05:25.878
And so, if you
as a parent or a caregiver

1271
01:05:25.922 --> 01:05:28.794
can be an open, honest,
soft place for your child

1272
01:05:28.837 --> 01:05:32.667
to come and say,
"Hey, look everybody
makes bad choices.

1273
01:05:32.711 --> 01:05:34.843
I'm here for you and we'll get
through this together."

1274
01:05:34.887 --> 01:05:39.979
There's no bigger God's gift
than a mother's intuition.

1275
01:05:41.198 --> 01:05:43.852
When a mom knows something,
feels something,

1276
01:05:43.896 --> 01:05:45.985
there's something wrong
with their kids.

1277
01:05:46.029 --> 01:05:48.553
And God's given it this to...
to moms to protect their babies

1278
01:05:48.596 --> 01:05:52.992
whether the babies
are six months old or 40
that never goes away.

1279
01:05:53.036 --> 01:05:54.994
So, I always tell moms
to follow that

1280
01:05:55.038 --> 01:05:56.213
and never lead them astray.

1281
01:05:56.256 --> 01:05:58.650
The best line of defense by far

1282
01:05:58.693 --> 01:06:01.174
is to have active and engaged
parents who understand

1283
01:06:01.218 --> 01:06:03.307
what their child might be
encountering online.

1284
01:06:03.350 --> 01:06:05.831
Children are, unfortunately,
left to deal with this

1285
01:06:05.874 --> 01:06:08.138
all on their own
and they're not, you know,

1286
01:06:08.181 --> 01:06:10.618
we're talking about 10-, 11-,
12-, 13-year-old kids

1287
01:06:10.662 --> 01:06:13.970
who are not equipped
to deal with this in a vacuum.

1288
01:06:14.013 --> 01:06:16.450
And so, it really takes that...
that guardian

1289
01:06:16.494 --> 01:06:18.104
and parent support system.

1290
01:06:19.976 --> 01:06:21.499
[slow music]

1291
01:06:45.349 --> 01:06:47.612
[Doris] We always knew where
our next meal was coming from.

1292
01:06:47.655 --> 01:06:50.615
I don't want to say that,
but there wasn't much money

1293
01:06:50.658 --> 01:06:54.706
and in that middle...
that time we had had... um...

1294
01:06:57.317 --> 01:06:59.798
we'd had a tragedy, we lost...

1295
01:07:01.843 --> 01:07:07.371
my sister, older sister died
of pneumonia and that's the...

1296
01:07:07.414 --> 01:07:10.504
we talk about the good old days,
but we didn't have

1297
01:07:10.548 --> 01:07:13.899
the medical care back then
that we have now.

1298
01:07:13.942 --> 01:07:16.902
And then,
in the following February

1299
01:07:19.165 --> 01:07:21.950
my mother had a little...

1300
01:07:21.994 --> 01:07:25.345
a little sister, Carolina,

1301
01:07:25.389 --> 01:07:28.740
and she had a heart defect
and couldn't be saved.

1302
01:07:28.783 --> 01:07:34.180
So my parents lost two children
in less than a year.

1303
01:07:39.664 --> 01:07:42.319
[man 12] You know, the kind
of things you did and...

1304
01:07:42.362 --> 01:07:46.366
Sure, yeah. Jack is...
I have two boys,

1305
01:07:46.410 --> 01:07:48.977
John and Jack.
Jack's younger of the two.

1306
01:07:49.021 --> 01:07:51.589
John's 21, Jack was 15.

1307
01:07:54.157 --> 01:07:58.117
Jack was a very outgoing,
typical teenager at 14 and 15.

1308
01:07:58.161 --> 01:08:02.556
Rambunctious, outgoing,
very compassionate,
pretty much an empathetic kid.

1309
01:08:02.600 --> 01:08:05.168
He was a really sensitive person
and I think that was

1310
01:08:05.211 --> 01:08:08.301
one of his best attributes
because he could tell
when you were feeling...

1311
01:08:08.345 --> 01:08:12.392
feeling down and without
even asking you or having
a conversation with you,

1312
01:08:12.436 --> 01:08:14.307
he just could like
pick that up, total empath.

1313
01:08:14.351 --> 01:08:18.964
He was so kind to other
kids and I wonder if that sense

1314
01:08:19.006 --> 01:08:24.535
of kindness made him
more susceptible to feeling...

1315
01:08:28.930 --> 01:08:31.803
[man 13] Was there much talk
of... I mean do you remember

1316
01:08:31.845 --> 01:08:33.978
there being suicides
or anything like that?

1317
01:08:34.022 --> 01:08:37.504
Never. Never. I'd...
I'd never have heard that.

1318
01:08:38.765 --> 01:08:42.509
We were worried.
We were more worried
about physical illnesses,

1319
01:08:42.553 --> 01:08:45.337
but I don't remember...

1320
01:08:45.381 --> 01:08:49.299
I don't remember there being
a problem with suicide.

1321
01:08:49.342 --> 01:08:52.649
You know I have always
liked technology

1322
01:08:52.693 --> 01:08:55.130
and I will say that
it was hard to keep up with it,

1323
01:08:55.174 --> 01:08:57.523
but I would stay up sometimes
very late trying to figure out

1324
01:08:57.568 --> 01:08:59.700
what my son was doing
on his phone

1325
01:08:59.744 --> 01:09:02.268
and figuring out how to use
all the same apps that...

1326
01:09:02.312 --> 01:09:04.879
that he used, so that I...

1327
01:09:05.880 --> 01:09:09.666
never got behind
on that stuff but, you know,

1328
01:09:10.798 --> 01:09:13.410
that's a really difficult thing
to do.

1329
01:09:13.452 --> 01:09:17.327
I knew that it was working
because Jack told me one day,

1330
01:09:17.370 --> 01:09:20.372
"Mom, I give up.
I... you're too smart.

1331
01:09:20.416 --> 01:09:24.029
I cannot keep up with you
and I'm just going to tell you
everything now."

1332
01:09:24.072 --> 01:09:27.032
And he did, except one thing.

1333
01:09:34.431 --> 01:09:37.434
Definitely the worst day
of my life was getting
that phone call from my parents.

1334
01:09:43.527 --> 01:09:46.791
He didn't do it on purpose
and he didn't do it to hurt us,

1335
01:09:46.834 --> 01:09:50.011
you know,
he was just in a lot of pain.

1336
01:09:50.055 --> 01:09:51.535
[slow music]

1337
01:09:53.450 --> 01:09:57.236
Jack struggled for nine days
in the hospital

1338
01:09:57.280 --> 01:10:01.893
and then after about six weeks
we were able to crack his phone.

1339
01:10:01.936 --> 01:10:05.679
Someone said that there was,
you know, some stuff

1340
01:10:05.723 --> 01:10:08.900
on sale at Home Depot
that would help you,

1341
01:10:08.943 --> 01:10:11.990
basically, off yourself and...

1342
01:10:13.557 --> 01:10:16.951
and other kids would just come
right out and say... text,

1343
01:10:16.995 --> 01:10:19.171
you know,
"Just go kill yourself."

1344
01:10:20.607 --> 01:10:22.566
And then this is not uncommon.

1345
01:10:22.609 --> 01:10:25.177
He's not the first kid
that's had that happen to him.

1346
01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:30.704
Why did I not know anxiety was
and why do you know?

1347
01:10:31.749 --> 01:10:35.187
I guess they've made it...
they've been
a little bit better about...

1348
01:10:36.232 --> 01:10:38.407
But even then, they
only made it known to us

1349
01:10:38.451 --> 01:10:42.585
-after four kids
killed themselves.
-[girl] That's true.

1350
01:10:42.629 --> 01:10:46.285
In Littleton alone,
at the beginning of the year

1351
01:10:46.329 --> 01:10:48.635
there were multiple suicides
before school even started.

1352
01:10:48.679 --> 01:10:51.943
At children's hospital,
there is a new program

1353
01:10:51.986 --> 01:10:54.772
for 10-year-olds
and over and they say,

1354
01:10:54.815 --> 01:10:56.600
"Have you ever thought
about killing yourself?

1355
01:10:56.643 --> 01:10:58.297
Have you ever
tried to hurt yourself?

1356
01:10:58.341 --> 01:10:59.864
How do you feel about that?"

1357
01:10:59.907 --> 01:11:02.258
So I work in one of the busiest

1358
01:11:02.300 --> 01:11:04.477
pediatric emergency room
departments in the country.

1359
01:11:04.521 --> 01:11:08.264
At any given time
we can easily have four or five,

1360
01:11:08.307 --> 01:11:11.005
sometimes six patients
who are there waiting

1361
01:11:11.049 --> 01:11:15.749
for mental health evaluation
or waiting to be transferred
for inpatient treatment.

1362
01:11:15.793 --> 01:11:18.839
You hear from the CDC
that suicide is the second
leading cause of death

1363
01:11:18.883 --> 01:11:21.233
in children ages 10 to 24.

1364
01:11:21.277 --> 01:11:24.236
Colorado suicide is the number
one cause of death

1365
01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:26.282
for individuals 10 to 24.

1366
01:11:26.325 --> 01:11:29.110
Every day we send out,
you know, over...

1367
01:11:29.154 --> 01:11:33.245
over a dozen imminent suicide
alerts, every single day.

1368
01:11:33.289 --> 01:11:36.509
It was such a rare occurrence
to see that.

1369
01:11:36.553 --> 01:11:38.816
Now it is commonplace.

1370
01:11:38.859 --> 01:11:41.471
Has something changed
about us biologically?

1371
01:11:41.514 --> 01:11:47.085
[woman 9] From 2000 and 2007 the
suicide rate seemed virtually...

1372
01:11:47.128 --> 01:11:50.958
was... was pretty stable
and had if anything some years

1373
01:11:51.002 --> 01:11:54.309
fluctuated down, but then
we saw a beginning trend

1374
01:11:54.353 --> 01:11:57.008
and it became evident over time

1375
01:11:57.050 --> 01:12:00.751
that it was increasing
from 2010 to 2017.

1376
01:12:00.794 --> 01:12:04.929
Not only teen suicide
but child suicide

1377
01:12:04.972 --> 01:12:07.323
like 10 or 9 years old.

1378
01:12:07.366 --> 01:12:09.237
I said, "All right, sure.
What do you got?"

1379
01:12:09.281 --> 01:12:12.327
He goes, "Well, Friday night
I had two ten-year-olds,

1380
01:12:12.371 --> 01:12:15.940
on Snapchat. One thought
it'd be a funny idea to talk

1381
01:12:15.983 --> 01:12:19.857
the other one into committing
suicide and she did it.

1382
01:12:19.900 --> 01:12:20.987
She's dead."

1383
01:12:26.777 --> 01:12:32.348
So, 43% of 1.12 million children

1384
01:12:32.391 --> 01:12:36.395
that presented to the ERs
for suicidal ideation

1385
01:12:36.439 --> 01:12:38.702
or suicide attempt
were under 11 years old.

1386
01:12:41.966 --> 01:12:47.275
Whether these children,
these young adults think
that they're not worth anything,

1387
01:12:47.318 --> 01:12:52.672
I guess,
I don't know, but people
can't deal with things now.

1388
01:12:52.716 --> 01:12:54.805
But I feel like a lot
of people in our generation

1389
01:12:54.848 --> 01:12:56.981
are like way more sensitive
than they should be.

1390
01:12:57.023 --> 01:13:00.680
If one insignificance happens
it will just trigger

1391
01:13:00.724 --> 01:13:03.379
like every past thing
that's happened in their life.

1392
01:13:03.422 --> 01:13:06.382
There's always a competition
like with school

1393
01:13:06.425 --> 01:13:08.166
you're competing
for the best rank.

1394
01:13:08.209 --> 01:13:11.255
With social media,
there's this unspoken, I guess,

1395
01:13:11.299 --> 01:13:13.911
kind of competition for like
most followers in a sense.

1396
01:13:13.954 --> 01:13:17.349
If you're losing that
competition I... it hurts,

1397
01:13:17.393 --> 01:13:19.133
like it shows,
you feel it in your heart.

1398
01:13:19.177 --> 01:13:21.179
Constantly comparing
myself to others.

1399
01:13:21.222 --> 01:13:23.921
Constantly, you know,
wanting that thing

1400
01:13:23.964 --> 01:13:26.271
or needing to be checking or not
falling behind in notifications.

1401
01:13:26.314 --> 01:13:29.317
So whatever kinds of stresses
are attached to that,

1402
01:13:30.536 --> 01:13:32.103
but you couple that
with the fact that,

1403
01:13:32.146 --> 01:13:33.626
"I just don't know how to deal

1404
01:13:33.670 --> 01:13:35.280
with anything coming my way."

1405
01:13:35.323 --> 01:13:37.543
And I just think
at times for some kids

1406
01:13:37.587 --> 01:13:39.632
it's just a toxic combination.

1407
01:13:39.675 --> 01:13:45.550
Suicide is always the result
of many... many factors.

1408
01:13:45.594 --> 01:13:50.948
As we are not teaching kids
as many skills to self-regulate

1409
01:13:50.991 --> 01:13:52.950
and deal
with difficult emotions,

1410
01:13:52.993 --> 01:13:54.778
well one thing that a device

1411
01:13:54.821 --> 01:13:57.389
can be is a great way
to distract.

1412
01:13:57.433 --> 01:14:01.698
Not being able to have my phone
for a week would definitely...

1413
01:14:01.741 --> 01:14:05.657
like, I would get really bored
and I feel like I would be
stressed out.

1414
01:14:05.702 --> 01:14:08.313
Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.

1415
01:14:08.356 --> 01:14:11.228
Like I had people to talk to,
but they got bored.

1416
01:14:11.272 --> 01:14:13.971
I don't know it's just
like something that
I do when I'm bored.

1417
01:14:14.014 --> 01:14:16.103
Oftentimes it's a child
who's simply bored.

1418
01:14:16.147 --> 01:14:18.148
Yeah, I'm pretty much bored.

1419
01:14:18.192 --> 01:14:20.499
-And I get so bored.
-Sometimes when I'm bored.

1420
01:14:20.543 --> 01:14:22.501
-Because they were bored.
-When they're bored.

1421
01:14:22.545 --> 01:14:25.025
-Boredom.
-He is so bored.

1422
01:14:25.068 --> 01:14:27.985
My mindset just got worse
and worse just because I felt

1423
01:14:28.028 --> 01:14:29.769
so unproductive
and I wasn't doing anything.

1424
01:14:29.813 --> 01:14:31.945
And I felt like that's
pretty common, you know,

1425
01:14:31.989 --> 01:14:34.992
most kids are bored, cooped up,
and feel unproductive.

1426
01:14:35.035 --> 01:14:38.255
At 12, here again,
I was helping my dad.

1427
01:14:38.299 --> 01:14:40.432
We were still...
we were still milking cows,

1428
01:14:40.476 --> 01:14:42.782
we were still raising hogs,
carrying water,

1429
01:14:42.826 --> 01:14:44.697
we still
didn't have electricity.

1430
01:14:44.741 --> 01:14:47.047
I had to have
the tractor gassed up,

1431
01:14:47.091 --> 01:14:49.093
everything hooked up
and ready to go.

1432
01:14:49.136 --> 01:14:52.052
I mowed their lawns,
some housework for those folks.

1433
01:14:52.096 --> 01:14:54.054
I didn't even know
the word "bored."

1434
01:14:54.098 --> 01:14:57.275
And if we continually
interrupt that boredom

1435
01:14:57.318 --> 01:15:00.365
with distraction with screens,
I think that we are removing

1436
01:15:00.407 --> 01:15:03.368
kid's abilities to deal
with their own thoughts.

1437
01:15:03.411 --> 01:15:06.327
And then that carries the risk
then of being in a situation

1438
01:15:06.371 --> 01:15:08.504
where parents are fixing
everything and you combine that

1439
01:15:08.547 --> 01:15:10.897
with situations in high school
where parents

1440
01:15:10.941 --> 01:15:12.812
have fixed everything,
"I've not been taught

1441
01:15:12.856 --> 01:15:14.031
how to deal
with my own thoughts,

1442
01:15:14.074 --> 01:15:15.684
life is kind of hard.

1443
01:15:15.728 --> 01:15:17.643
I have no idea
what to do with this."

1444
01:15:20.428 --> 01:15:24.084
I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.

1445
01:15:24.128 --> 01:15:27.348
-When the kids are outside,
I don't give them freedom.
-I really wasn't allowed

1446
01:15:27.392 --> 01:15:30.568
-to walk around the street.
-We couldn't do that now,
just walk down the street.

1447
01:15:30.612 --> 01:15:32.702
-Without worrying
about being kidnapped.
-There's not a lot of freedom

1448
01:15:32.745 --> 01:15:34.573
when they go out
in the front yard
or they can't ride

1449
01:15:34.617 --> 01:15:36.314
their bikes
by themselves to the park.

1450
01:15:36.357 --> 01:15:38.011
I couldn't ride my bike
around my street.

1451
01:15:38.055 --> 01:15:39.969
-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.

1452
01:15:40.013 --> 01:15:41.754
I mean that's just
not really that safe.

1453
01:15:41.798 --> 01:15:43.582
But I get it
from the parents' point

1454
01:15:43.626 --> 01:15:45.323
because there's
a safety thing, too.

1455
01:15:45.366 --> 01:15:46.672
Out there in the real world

1456
01:15:46.716 --> 01:15:48.892
where things really are scary.

1457
01:15:48.934 --> 01:15:50.719
Interesting that you guys
think that because

1458
01:15:50.763 --> 01:15:52.939
what I'll tell you
is that, realistically,

1459
01:15:52.983 --> 01:15:55.942
the physical world
meaning kidnappings and

1460
01:15:55.986 --> 01:15:58.379
that kind of stuff,
it's actually much safer now.

1461
01:15:59.903 --> 01:16:01.339
[soft music]

1462
01:16:04.255 --> 01:16:07.475
[Sujit] It's easy to become
fearful of your child
stepping foot outside.

1463
01:16:07.519 --> 01:16:10.478
It seems like
there's so much imminent
risk with all these things.

1464
01:16:10.522 --> 01:16:12.916
So it's more of an issue
with one in the parent

1465
01:16:12.959 --> 01:16:15.962
and then for the kids, you know,
it is it's hard to engage

1466
01:16:16.005 --> 01:16:20.619
in a world where it seems
like every day or every week

1467
01:16:20.663 --> 01:16:23.317
or something there is something
horrible happening.

1468
01:16:23.361 --> 01:16:25.362
What makes you think that?

1469
01:16:25.406 --> 01:16:27.626
Yeah, I think it's
because like it's so...

1470
01:16:27.670 --> 01:16:30.368
like populated, like,
the news and stuff.

1471
01:16:30.411 --> 01:16:32.196
Like you hear all these,
like watching the news

1472
01:16:32.239 --> 01:16:34.633
and, like, really just seeing
all the dangers

1473
01:16:34.677 --> 01:16:36.112
that are out there in the world.

1474
01:16:39.333 --> 01:16:41.466
[woman 10] Most of the bodies
are still inside the school.

1475
01:16:41.509 --> 01:16:43.250
Well, they wore
black trench coats...

1476
01:16:43.294 --> 01:16:45.165
[man 14] Police say
the six-year-old died

1477
01:16:45.209 --> 01:16:46.427
after a blow to the head.

1478
01:16:46.471 --> 01:16:48.603
Some wore Nazi crosses...

1479
01:16:48.647 --> 01:16:51.171
[man 15] We are beginning
to learn more about...

1480
01:16:53.173 --> 01:16:54.827
...as mothers
and their children.

1481
01:16:54.871 --> 01:16:56.523
[man 16] NBC News, Los Angeles.

1482
01:16:58.396 --> 01:16:59.876
There is some tension at least.

1483
01:17:03.183 --> 01:17:05.403
[man 17] The Virginia Tech
shooting still haunts the...

1484
01:17:06.577 --> 01:17:07.666
[slow music]

1485
01:17:11.714 --> 01:17:15.805
We live in a town, a community
of 300 million people

1486
01:17:15.848 --> 01:17:18.721
with inflow of information
that happens all the time,

1487
01:17:18.764 --> 01:17:20.505
you actually kind of wonder,
"Can I have this?

1488
01:17:20.548 --> 01:17:22.507
Are my kids okay to play
outside in the yard

1489
01:17:22.550 --> 01:17:24.987
for an hour without me sitting
there watching them?"

1490
01:17:25.031 --> 01:17:27.468
And I'm thinking, "Man,
when I was in seventh grade

1491
01:17:27.512 --> 01:17:31.255
I was going around
my entire town on my bike."

1492
01:17:31.298 --> 01:17:34.084
-We were told
to get out of the house.
-"Hey, man. You want to play?"

1493
01:17:34.127 --> 01:17:36.085
-Ride my BMX bike.
-I lived on my bike.

1494
01:17:36.129 --> 01:17:37.914
-Play kick the can.
-Built a zip line.

1495
01:17:37.957 --> 01:17:39.829
-...the paper route.
-Rang the doorbell.

1496
01:17:39.871 --> 01:17:41.744
-You had the whole neighborhood.
-The lights came on.

1497
01:17:41.787 --> 01:17:44.616
-Put off into the woods.
-Home when lights came on.

1498
01:17:44.660 --> 01:17:46.749
That whole town was in a way

1499
01:17:46.791 --> 01:17:49.316
an extended family of yours.

1500
01:17:49.360 --> 01:17:52.102
This is- this
is... why am I nervous?
This is so dumb.

1501
01:17:52.145 --> 01:17:56.584
I've been conditioned
by everybody around me that
this is scary.

1502
01:17:56.628 --> 01:17:59.936
-This is not scary.
-That anxiety is something
we as parents have

1503
01:17:59.978 --> 01:18:02.808
to really kind of do
some self-examination

1504
01:18:02.852 --> 01:18:06.072
with and understanding,
wondering what part
are we involved

1505
01:18:06.116 --> 01:18:10.250
in terms of potentially
transferring some of that
anxiety towards our kids.

1506
01:18:10.294 --> 01:18:12.644
They have to be allowed to fail.

1507
01:18:12.688 --> 01:18:14.820
There's no way you
can ever prevent pain,

1508
01:18:14.864 --> 01:18:18.084
you know, or anguish
a 100% of the time and,

1509
01:18:18.128 --> 01:18:20.521
in fact,
it might not be healthy.

1510
01:18:20.565 --> 01:18:22.306
[slow music]

1511
01:18:32.620 --> 01:18:35.449
[Kelly] Do you guys feel like
teachers and adults

1512
01:18:35.493 --> 01:18:39.018
and parents in general
have kind of abandoned

1513
01:18:39.062 --> 01:18:42.587
helping you through
the social media thing in life?

1514
01:18:42.630 --> 01:18:45.503
It's also like we shield stuff
from our parents, too,

1515
01:18:45.546 --> 01:18:47.200
-so like they don't know.
-[girl] Really sneaky.

1516
01:18:47.244 --> 01:18:49.550
I don't blame
them for not being able to help

1517
01:18:49.594 --> 01:18:51.422
because we don't ask for help.

1518
01:18:51.465 --> 01:18:54.425
I definitely feel
like us as kids kind of

1519
01:18:54.468 --> 01:19:00.170
got put in a...
in a tough spot, you know,
in between two worlds.

1520
01:19:00.213 --> 01:19:02.085
This is all new
for us as parents.

1521
01:19:02.128 --> 01:19:04.478
We... we... this...
this technology and this...

1522
01:19:04.522 --> 01:19:06.611
in this world has kind
of crept up on us

1523
01:19:06.654 --> 01:19:10.397
and there is so many
of us who could do better.

1524
01:19:10.441 --> 01:19:14.532
Like my parents would be
like heartbroken that their
kids have to go through this.

1525
01:19:14.575 --> 01:19:19.450
Over half of tweens and close
to three-fourths of teens

1526
01:19:19.493 --> 01:19:22.670
experience issues
regarding mental health.

1527
01:19:22.714 --> 01:19:26.413
And then we
get into cyberbullying
and that's over three-fourths.

1528
01:19:26.457 --> 01:19:31.288
Then we get to sexual content
and for tweens it's around 70%

1529
01:19:31.331 --> 01:19:33.550
and then for teens
it gets even higher.

1530
01:19:33.594 --> 01:19:38.208
Our society is
just become too isolated,

1531
01:19:38.251 --> 01:19:42.125
just losing human touch
and there's no human touch

1532
01:19:42.168 --> 01:19:45.781
to kind of heal the...
the scar or the... the pain.

1533
01:19:45.824 --> 01:19:49.785
[girl] Why do you think all
these suicide and depression
rates are skyrocketing?

1534
01:19:49.827 --> 01:19:52.048
It's because
of social media and nobody's
doing anything about it.

1535
01:19:52.091 --> 01:19:53.832
[man 18]
We gave the stuff to ourselves

1536
01:19:53.876 --> 01:19:55.834
because we wanted it and now,

1537
01:19:55.878 --> 01:19:58.750
we get to watch it
happen to our children.

1538
01:19:58.794 --> 01:20:01.840
Kids right now are going
to experience the worst

1539
01:20:01.884 --> 01:20:04.843
-of what we're going through.
-For most of the things
that parents

1540
01:20:04.887 --> 01:20:08.585
can't stand about technology,
it's our fault.

1541
01:20:08.629 --> 01:20:13.852
I don't want to trade
my influence for their access

1542
01:20:13.896 --> 01:20:18.248
to a million
different sources of influence
that may not be credible.

1543
01:20:18.291 --> 01:20:20.380
Some parents say,
"I'm not going to do anything.
I give up.

1544
01:20:20.424 --> 01:20:23.688
It's too overwhelming.
I'm going to cross my fingers

1545
01:20:23.731 --> 01:20:26.691
-and hope that they do okay."
-As a family,

1546
01:20:26.734 --> 01:20:30.303
it is the one thing we fight
about more than anything.

1547
01:20:30.347 --> 01:20:33.350
If I had the option
to turn things back

1548
01:20:33.393 --> 01:20:36.919
and give our kids
of today a life without

1549
01:20:36.962 --> 01:20:39.530
social media and smartphones,
I would absolutely do it.

1550
01:20:39.573 --> 01:20:43.186
I would absolutely take away
the internet for my kids.

1551
01:20:43.228 --> 01:20:45.971
Yes, I would have rather
grown up without the internet.

1552
01:20:46.014 --> 01:20:48.669
I mean I would do it
immediately, take it all away.

1553
01:20:48.713 --> 01:20:51.629
If social media
was gone like completely,

1554
01:20:51.672 --> 01:20:53.892
and nobody had it,
it'd be a positive.

1555
01:20:56.460 --> 01:21:01.117
[Chris]
I do long some for my children
to know a bit more peace,

1556
01:21:01.160 --> 01:21:04.076
a bit more calm,
a bit more boredom.

1557
01:21:10.648 --> 01:21:12.955
You can't go back.
You can't go back.

1558
01:21:12.998 --> 01:21:16.088
I know we can't go back,
but I wish we could make

1559
01:21:16.132 --> 01:21:21.005
children realize that life
is precious and it's a gift.

1560
01:21:21.050 --> 01:21:22.660
And we need to really...

1561
01:21:25.619 --> 01:21:27.708
just really value it.

1562
01:21:27.752 --> 01:21:29.536
[Sarah] Do I wish
that we could just throw

1563
01:21:29.580 --> 01:21:31.103
all the technology away?

1564
01:21:31.147 --> 01:21:33.496
I kind of do, honestly.

1565
01:21:33.540 --> 01:21:37.675
But I know that
that is not the solution.

1566
01:21:37.718 --> 01:21:40.156
I think we're going
through a painful process

1567
01:21:40.199 --> 01:21:42.245
of adaptation to something

1568
01:21:42.288 --> 01:21:44.202
that's fundamentally
changed our culture.

1569
01:21:44.246 --> 01:21:47.511
But the opportunities
for these kids in this world

1570
01:21:47.554 --> 01:21:50.035
are so much more vast and,
yes, it's more complicated

1571
01:21:50.079 --> 01:21:53.909
and it comes with its own set
of worries and concerns,

1572
01:21:53.952 --> 01:21:56.085
but if you take
the control out of it

1573
01:21:56.128 --> 01:21:59.958
and you focus on just trying
to teach them how to be people

1574
01:22:00.002 --> 01:22:02.960
in this world with all
the things coming at them.

1575
01:22:03.005 --> 01:22:06.269
Technology is amazing.

1576
01:22:07.400 --> 01:22:10.534
I think it's a great thing
as for human culture
and stuff like that

1577
01:22:10.577 --> 01:22:12.579
if we can control
our consumption of it.

1578
01:22:15.495 --> 01:22:18.716
[Brian] So, new technology
almost always comes
with unintended consequences.

1579
01:22:18.759 --> 01:22:22.546
Um, you know,
we didn't have car crashes
before we had the car, right?

1580
01:22:22.589 --> 01:22:27.898
The car's a great invention,
but, unfortunately,
that resulted in car crashes.

1581
01:22:27.943 --> 01:22:30.946
And so, the answer
was not stop driving cars,

1582
01:22:30.989 --> 01:22:33.644
the answer was we invest
in driver's education

1583
01:22:33.687 --> 01:22:36.907
and we add seat belts
and airbags and lane assist

1584
01:22:36.952 --> 01:22:39.215
and we're constantly looking
for technological solutions

1585
01:22:39.258 --> 01:22:42.696
and educational solutions
to make that technology safer.

1586
01:22:42.740 --> 01:22:45.047
[woman 11] How do we keep
our kids safe?

1587
01:22:45.090 --> 01:22:48.005
Oh. There's so much to that.
I think what we need

1588
01:22:48.050 --> 01:22:51.270
is a mass public awareness
campaign so people
understand what's going on.

1589
01:22:51.314 --> 01:22:54.273
One thing I have learned is
that if you tell people
this is bad for you,

1590
01:22:54.317 --> 01:22:56.972
they won't listen.
If you tell people this is how
you're being manipulated,

1591
01:22:57.014 --> 01:22:58.843
no one wants
to feel manipulated.

1592
01:22:58.886 --> 01:23:01.411
As parents, though, we decided

1593
01:23:01.454 --> 01:23:04.022
we are going
to become the experts.

1594
01:23:04.066 --> 01:23:07.243
They need to start
to see us as the experts

1595
01:23:07.286 --> 01:23:09.419
rather than
just everybody out there.

1596
01:23:09.462 --> 01:23:12.639
What's awesome is all
these parents are, you know,

1597
01:23:12.683 --> 01:23:15.032
becoming innovators
and they're like, "Wow,

1598
01:23:15.077 --> 01:23:18.689
there isn't this safety
thing that we need.

1599
01:23:18.732 --> 01:23:21.866
And so, I'm going to invent it."
There's so much more help now

1600
01:23:21.909 --> 01:23:23.737
than there was five years ago.

1601
01:23:27.306 --> 01:23:30.179
[Free] And there are ways that
it can benefit them hugely,

1602
01:23:30.222 --> 01:23:33.530
but it's not going
to benefit them
and they're not going to use it

1603
01:23:33.573 --> 01:23:35.923
only for positive stuff
unless we educate.

1604
01:23:35.967 --> 01:23:38.621
The best filter that
your child will develop

1605
01:23:38.665 --> 01:23:40.406
is the one between their ears.

1606
01:23:40.450 --> 01:23:42.713
So having an adult
they can go to

1607
01:23:42.755 --> 01:23:45.585
that they trust is critical.

1608
01:23:45.629 --> 01:23:47.587
And having an adult
that's interested and able

1609
01:23:47.630 --> 01:23:50.895
to have the conversations
with them is critical.

1610
01:23:50.938 --> 01:23:54.898
And they'll say, you know,
"I want to talk to my parents,

1611
01:23:54.942 --> 01:23:58.642
but they just don't get it."
And maybe they don't,

1612
01:23:58.684 --> 01:24:01.862
but they should try
to get it because once
you crack the shell,

1613
01:24:01.906 --> 01:24:05.692
oftentimes these kids
are just dying to share.

1614
01:24:05.736 --> 01:24:09.130
The best thing that
you can do for your child

1615
01:24:09.174 --> 01:24:11.133
is make sure that they feel
comfortable talking to you

1616
01:24:11.175 --> 01:24:13.091
about these types of issues
and, unfortunately,

1617
01:24:13.135 --> 01:24:16.094
most parents are relatively
ignorant about

1618
01:24:16.138 --> 01:24:18.531
the types of things their
children are experiencing online

1619
01:24:18.575 --> 01:24:22.231
and aren't prepared to help them
even if the issues do come up.

1620
01:24:22.273 --> 01:24:25.234
So, you're my child, I love you.

1621
01:24:25.277 --> 01:24:28.585
So if something is...
goes sideways that we missed,

1622
01:24:28.628 --> 01:24:32.327
I want you to know
you have the open door
and we're not going to give you

1623
01:24:32.371 --> 01:24:36.419
any consequences
for coming to us because you're
going to make mistakes.

1624
01:24:36.462 --> 01:24:39.378
I want a kid to kind
of run, so I'll go, "Oh, Mom.
I already know that." "Good.

1625
01:24:39.422 --> 01:24:41.946
Just honey, wanted
to make sure, you know, why?

1626
01:24:41.989 --> 01:24:45.210
Because I love you so much

1627
01:24:47.299 --> 01:24:49.127
that I want you to know
this thing." Right?

1628
01:24:49.171 --> 01:24:51.303
If a kid isn't to the point
where they're just

1629
01:24:51.347 --> 01:24:55.742
a little bit annoyed
by you going there again,

1630
01:24:55.786 --> 01:24:58.267
then you're not doing it enough.

1631
01:25:02.401 --> 01:25:07.580
[Sarah] At some point
they will be taking flight
and will be leaving our home

1632
01:25:07.624 --> 01:25:10.235
in just a few short years

1633
01:25:10.279 --> 01:25:15.022
and I want to know that we gave
them everything that we had.

1634
01:25:16.111 --> 01:25:18.722
[Free]
I mean that's the truth. Even
my husband who is the most...

1635
01:25:18.764 --> 01:25:21.116
he's not a very emotional guy,

1636
01:25:21.159 --> 01:25:23.422
he will call me up in the middle
of the day and be like, "Gosh!

1637
01:25:23.466 --> 01:25:26.860
She's just amazing.
She's an amazing soul."

1638
01:25:26.904 --> 01:25:29.080
[Chris]
And I just so desperately
want those young people

1639
01:25:29.124 --> 01:25:31.430
to have other voices
in their life.

1640
01:25:31.474 --> 01:25:34.564
Adults who will
look at them and say,
"That's not who you are.

1641
01:25:34.607 --> 01:25:37.088
That's not who I see.
This will come and go.

1642
01:25:37.132 --> 01:25:39.656
I see you.
You're going to be okay.

1643
01:25:39.699 --> 01:25:42.528
I love you."
And they just need to hear that.

1644
01:25:42.572 --> 01:25:44.008
We all need to hear that.

1645
01:25:44.050 --> 01:25:47.054
[slow music]