WEBVTT FILE

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♪ ("IN THE HALL

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OF THE MOUNTAIN KING"

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BY LORNE BALFE PLAYING) ♪

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(SCRATCHING)

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(SCRATCHING)

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DONALD TRUMP:<i> We will make</i>

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<i>America great again!</i>

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(CROWD CHEERING)

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TRUMP:<i> I'm a very stable genius.</i>

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<i>-You can do anything.</i>

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-BILLY BUSH:<i> Whatever you want.</i>

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-TRUMP:<i> Grab 'em by the pussy.</i>

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-(BILLY LAUGHING)

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CROWD: (CHANTING)

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<i>Lock her up! Lock her up!</i>

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TRUMP:<i> Nobody respects women</i>

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<i>more than Donald Trump.</i>

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<i>That I can...</i>

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<i>I know more about ISIS</i>

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<i>than the generals do,</i>

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<i>believe me.</i>

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<i>Doctor Fauci's</i>

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<i>made some mistakes.</i>

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<i>Supposing we hit the body</i>

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<i>with a tremendous,</i>

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<i>just, very powerful light?</i>

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<i>And then I see the disinfectant.</i>

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REPORTER:<i> Why are</i>

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<i>African Americans still dying</i>

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<i>at the hands of law enforcement</i>

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<i>in this country?</i>

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TRUMP:<i> And so are white people.</i>

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<i>More white people, by the way.</i>

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CHRIS WALLACE:

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<i>Are you suggesting</i>

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<i>that you might not accept</i>

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<i>the results of the election?</i>

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TRUMP:<i> No, I have to see.</i>

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<i>I'm not gonna just say yes.</i>

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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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CROWD: (CHANTING)<i> Lock her up!</i>

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<i>Lock her up! Lock her up!</i>

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(DOOR UNLOCKS)

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(DOOR CLOSES)

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Yes, officer, I know what I did,

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and I know

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why that man pressed charges.

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Oh my God.

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I can't believe I'm here.

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I've never-- I've never been

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in a police station in my life.

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Wallpaper would help.

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What? What was that?

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Do I want a lawyer?

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You mean my son?

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What did you say?

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Your son is a doctor?

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It's not a competition.

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What kind of a doctor?

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(GASPS) Oh, a pediatrician!

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Oh, that's wonderful!

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My daughter's a neurologist.

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What?

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Your daughter's

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a cardiac surgeon,

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and she's been published?

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Fuck you! (LAUGHS)

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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I didn't mean it like that.

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I really didn't.

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Please. Please, just listen.

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Let me speak so--

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so you'll understand.

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Because this morning, I wake up,

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and I'm reading the<i> Times</i>

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because I love the<i> Times</i>

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like it was my child

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or it was my-- my parent.

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I mean officer, do you know

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what the<i> New York Times</i> means

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to a liberal Jewish woman

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like me?

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On the census,

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when it asks for religion,

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I don't put Jewish,

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I put the<i> New York Times.</i>

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So I pick up the<i> Times,</i>

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which I have delivered,

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the real<i> Times,</i>

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the newsprint<i> Times.</i>

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Yeah, yes,

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I know I'm old-fashioned,

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but really, officer, please.

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Reading the<i> Times</i> online

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is like having sex with a robot.

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Yeah, I mean, it's cleaner

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and it's faster,

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but you can tell the difference.

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Okay, I'll just say it.

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The<i> New York Times</i> online

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is the<i> New York Times</i>

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for the gentiles.

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I mean, have you ever had dinner

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with a Lutheran family?

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That's not food.

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By the way, officer,

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are-- are you Jewish?

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Uh. Oh, you're Catholic.

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(CHUCKLES) That's fine.

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And I'm the one being arrested.

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(LAUGHS) I'm kidding.

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(CHUCKLES)

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So, I pick up the paper.

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See, there's a reason

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it's called "the paper."

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Only there he is.

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His face above the fold.

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Him.

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You know who I'm talking about.

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I can't even stand

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to say his name,

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because I'm a New Yorker,

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and we always hated him.

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And it wasn't just the lying

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and the hair

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and the ugly buildings.

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Oh my God, no.

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He has no style.

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He has no sense of humor!

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He tore down Bonwit Teller

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in the middle of the night!

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He wouldn't rent

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to Black people!

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Move to the Kremlin,

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you son of a bitch!

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Ugh. (CLICKS TONGUE)

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(GROANS)

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I didn't say that.

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(SIGHS) But yes, I did.

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And that's part of the problem.

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I hate being like this.

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I mean, even years ago,

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when I had no money

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and I was waitressing

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and I was going to City College

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and-- and my parents

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kept nagging me to get married

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and we had Nixon and Roy Cohn

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and whoever the fuck

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invented patios!

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I mean, I never felt like this.

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I never went to bed in a rage

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and woke up

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having a panic attack.

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I didn't spend every day

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in anger and dread and--

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and I didn't hate

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those other people.

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Those people from Nebraska

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and Ohio and Alabama.

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I mean,

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I fly over them, but I'd wave.

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And when they came

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to New York City to visit,

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I-- I'd give 'em directions

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to<i> Lion King.</i>

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I mean, I'd start to recommend

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the new Sondheim.

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They'd say, "Who's Sondheim?"

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I'd say,

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"Have fun with the puppets."

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I mean, maybe we weren't--

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we weren't buddies, but--

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but we didn't despise

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each other.

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That's what he did.

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(PANTS) Oh, God.

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I'm doing it.

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The fury, the agita,

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the constant need to shake

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my copy of the<i> New York Times</i>

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and scream at it,

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"How could you let this happen?"

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(BREATHES HEAVILY)

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Not the Arts section.

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You know, sometimes I worry

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that maybe

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I'm a little too attached

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to the<i> Times,</i> like--

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like maybe it was my best friend

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or something, or like--

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like when my late husband, Nick,

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was still alive,

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and we used to spend all day

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Sunday in bed with the<i> Times.</i>

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His cinnamon and raisin bagels

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and lox,

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and you know

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what we call that? (LAUGHS)

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We call it "a Jewish orgy."

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(LAUGHS)

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But there's his face,

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and it's such an insult

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to the<i> Times,</i>

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and to Nick,

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who hated him more than anybody.

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I can't talk about Nick, though.

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I-- I...

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No. Not now. Maybe not ever.

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So, I take a shower and then

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I turn on<i> The Today Show</i>

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because I love those co-hosts,

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Savannah and Hoda.

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I just love them.

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They're so smart.

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They're so upbeat.

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It's like they're always saying,

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"Hey, there's been a plane crash

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and a tsunami,

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but we're both wearing

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sleeveless dresses,

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so mazel tov!" (LAUGHS)

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Only today... (CHUCKLES)

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...and I can tell

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they're not enjoying it,

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they're doing a report

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on the daughter's

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Goodwill World Tour.

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"The daughter."

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She's always laughing

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and smiling.

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She wears more makeup

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than the Rockettes combined.

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And I don't know what the fuck

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she's doing in the White House.

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I mean, will you tell me?

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She wasn't elected.

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And before that,

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she had Chinese sweatshops

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churning out that crappy jewelry

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of her-- hers,

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while her dad jabbered on

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about American jobs.

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And when 12 women

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were brave enough

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to come forward and say

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that he had assaulted them,

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she says, "I believe my father."

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And then when the tape comes out

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where he talks

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about grabbing women...

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(WHISPERING) ...by the pussy,

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she says,

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"That's not the man I know."

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Well, let me introduce you,

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sweetheart.

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(SIGHS)

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And I'm not gonna say a word

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about her marriage

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because

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that's her personal life,

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even if she chose

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to marry a rich boy

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who looks like

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Celine Dion's sad niece.

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You know, she went after him,

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but he said no.

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No, not unless she converted.

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So she meets with a rabbi,

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and overnight,

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alakazam, sis-boom-bah,

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she's suddenly Jewish...

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like it's a-- a L'Oréal product!

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Ugh. Oh, God.

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Enough. I'm sorry.

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I-- I-- I'm really tired of it.

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We're all so tired of it.

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So, today...

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00:07:32.167 --> 00:07:34.083
as a diversion, as an antidote,

280
00:07:34.167 --> 00:07:36.458
I decide I'm gonna enjoy

281
00:07:34.167 --> 00:07:36.458
New York City.

282
00:07:37.083 --> 00:07:39.208
(SIGHS) What?

283
00:07:39.292 --> 00:07:42.500
Oh! (LAUGHS) I'm retired.

284
00:07:42.583 --> 00:07:44.000
After 45 years as a teacher

285
00:07:44.083 --> 00:07:45.333
in the Queens Public School

286
00:07:44.083 --> 00:07:45.333
System,

287
00:07:45.417 --> 00:07:48.083
did I mention I'm Jewish?

288
00:07:45.417 --> 00:07:48.083
(LAUGHS)

289
00:07:48.167 --> 00:07:50.417
And I loved it.

290
00:07:48.167 --> 00:07:50.417
All those children.

291
00:07:50.500 --> 00:07:52.792
They gave me so much hope,

292
00:07:50.500 --> 00:07:52.792
such happiness,

293
00:07:52.875 --> 00:07:55.167
because teaching a child

294
00:07:52.875 --> 00:07:55.167
to read, you think...

295
00:07:56.083 --> 00:07:57.708
"Oh, that child has a chance."

296
00:07:57.792 --> 00:08:00.208
And not just a chance to--

297
00:07:57.792 --> 00:08:00.208
to-- to go to college

298
00:08:00.292 --> 00:08:03.458
and get a good job, but a chance

299
00:08:00.292 --> 00:08:03.458
to learn to love reading,

300
00:08:03.542 --> 00:08:06.292
to be curious,

301
00:08:03.542 --> 00:08:06.292
to discover the whole world.

302
00:08:07.667 --> 00:08:09.458
Maybe even the theater.

303
00:08:09.542 --> 00:08:12.542
You like the theater?

304
00:08:09.542 --> 00:08:12.542
Oh, you love<i> Phantom?</i>

305
00:08:13.083 --> 00:08:14.542
So that's a no.

306
00:08:14.625 --> 00:08:17.083
I'm kidding! (LAUGHS)

307
00:08:17.167 --> 00:08:19.792
Well, anyway, today,

308
00:08:17.167 --> 00:08:19.792
I have a ticket

309
00:08:19.875 --> 00:08:21.375
for a matinee at The Public,

310
00:08:21.458 --> 00:08:24.500
and I have some time, so I go

311
00:08:21.458 --> 00:08:24.500
to the Starbucks down the block.

312
00:08:24.583 --> 00:08:26.833
And I'm sitting by myself,

313
00:08:24.583 --> 00:08:26.833
sipping my latte,

314
00:08:26.917 --> 00:08:28.542
reading the business section,

315
00:08:28.625 --> 00:08:30.750
which I brought

316
00:08:28.625 --> 00:08:30.750
in my NPR tote bag.

317
00:08:30.833 --> 00:08:35.083
Mm, don't you do it, officer,

318
00:08:30.833 --> 00:08:35.083
don't you mock my tote bag...

319
00:08:35.167 --> 00:08:37.667
(LAUGHS) Because, officer,

320
00:08:35.167 --> 00:08:37.667
you want to know a secret?

321
00:08:37.750 --> 00:08:39.750
That's how

322
00:08:37.750 --> 00:08:39.750
we recognize each other.

323
00:08:39.833 --> 00:08:41.167
Women like me.

324
00:08:41.792 --> 00:08:42.917
It's a secret code.

325
00:08:43.708 --> 00:08:46.417
NPR. The<i> New Yorker.</i>

326
00:08:47.958 --> 00:08:50.208
The Estée Lauder tote bag

327
00:08:47.958 --> 00:08:50.208
as a gift with purchase

328
00:08:50.292 --> 00:08:54.000
with the Barnes & Noble

329
00:08:50.292 --> 00:08:54.000
Virginia Woolf Centennial

330
00:08:50.292 --> 00:08:54.000
tote bag

331
00:08:54.083 --> 00:08:56.667
folded up inside. Shh.

332
00:08:54.083 --> 00:08:56.667
(CHUCKLES)

333
00:08:58.375 --> 00:08:59.417
Then I see him.

334
00:09:00.958 --> 00:09:02.417
Two tables away, he's...

335
00:09:04.250 --> 00:09:07.792
(SIGHS) He's about 40.

336
00:09:07.875 --> 00:09:10.083
He's wearing jeans

337
00:09:07.875 --> 00:09:10.083
and a windbreaker and--

338
00:09:11.250 --> 00:09:12.458
and the hat.

339
00:09:14.417 --> 00:09:15.667
The red hat.

340
00:09:17.375 --> 00:09:20.375
You know the one. The MAGA hat.

341
00:09:20.458 --> 00:09:23.208
The "Make America

342
00:09:20.458 --> 00:09:23.208
Great Again" hat

343
00:09:23.292 --> 00:09:27.250
in New York City,

344
00:09:23.292 --> 00:09:27.250
in the East Village,

345
00:09:27.333 --> 00:09:28.875
two blocks

346
00:09:27.333 --> 00:09:28.875
from The Public Theater,

347
00:09:28.958 --> 00:09:30.750
at Cooper Union,

348
00:09:28.958 --> 00:09:30.750
where Lincoln spoke,

349
00:09:30.833 --> 00:09:31.917
and Larry Kramer!

350
00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:33.625
It's like me going to Nebraska

351
00:09:33.708 --> 00:09:35.750
wearing a yarmulke,

352
00:09:33.708 --> 00:09:35.750
waving a rainbow flag

353
00:09:35.833 --> 00:09:38.208
while reading a book. (SIGHS)

354
00:09:38.292 --> 00:09:39.500
And I apologize to Nebraska.

355
00:09:39.583 --> 00:09:42.500
I'm sure they're very

356
00:09:39.583 --> 00:09:42.500
lovely people there, but...

357
00:09:42.583 --> 00:09:44.833
you know their state bird

358
00:09:42.583 --> 00:09:44.833
is a meadowlark?

359
00:09:46.792 --> 00:09:47.833
They shot it.

360
00:09:51.125 --> 00:09:53.458
And at first, I think,

361
00:09:51.125 --> 00:09:53.458
"Miriam, don't do it. Oh, God.

362
00:09:53.542 --> 00:09:55.375
Miriam, don't do it.

363
00:09:53.542 --> 00:09:55.375
Don't take the bait."

364
00:09:56.625 --> 00:09:59.542
(SIGHS) But then I think,

365
00:09:56.625 --> 00:09:59.542
"Maybe he's a psychology student

366
00:09:59.625 --> 00:10:01.375
and it's an experiment."

367
00:10:01.458 --> 00:10:05.000
And then I think, "Nah.

368
00:10:01.458 --> 00:10:05.000
It's a performance piece."

369
00:10:05.083 --> 00:10:07.458
Because in the East Village,

370
00:10:05.083 --> 00:10:07.458
you never know.

371
00:10:07.542 --> 00:10:09.958
I once saw a naked man

372
00:10:07.542 --> 00:10:09.958
standing on a street corner

373
00:10:10.042 --> 00:10:12.542
screaming obscenities

374
00:10:10.042 --> 00:10:12.542
at a Cabbage Patch doll.

375
00:10:12.625 --> 00:10:14.000
Two Obies and a Drama Desk.

376
00:10:15.708 --> 00:10:16.875
But then it happens.

377
00:10:18.458 --> 00:10:20.000
He's reading the paper.

378
00:10:20.083 --> 00:10:22.875
Not the<i> Times.</i>

379
00:10:20.083 --> 00:10:22.875
Something conservative.

380
00:10:24.208 --> 00:10:25.792
(SIGHS) And he says...

381
00:10:26.667 --> 00:10:28.667
And not under his breath.

382
00:10:28.750 --> 00:10:30.458
Right out loud, he says,

383
00:10:31.292 --> 00:10:32.833
"Lock her up!"

384
00:10:32.917 --> 00:10:36.375
And he looks all around

385
00:10:32.917 --> 00:10:36.375
at the students and the tourists

386
00:10:36.458 --> 00:10:37.917
and me. He looks right at me.

387
00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:39.792
He says it again, "Lock her up!

388
00:10:39.875 --> 00:10:41.917
That stupid bitch Hillary,

389
00:10:39.875 --> 00:10:41.917
right?

390
00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:43.333
She should be in jail."

391
00:10:43.833 --> 00:10:44.833
(HUFFS)

392
00:10:47.417 --> 00:10:48.375
Okay.

393
00:10:50.750 --> 00:10:51.750
Hillary.

394
00:10:54.958 --> 00:10:56.375
I know she's not perfect.

395
00:10:57.875 --> 00:10:59.333
She can be a little chilly,

396
00:10:59.417 --> 00:11:01.583
a little pleased with herself

397
00:10:59.417 --> 00:11:01.583
sometimes, but to me,

398
00:11:01.667 --> 00:11:03.708
she's the<i> New York Times</i>

399
00:11:01.667 --> 00:11:03.708
in a pantsuit.

400
00:11:03.792 --> 00:11:05.042
I love her.

401
00:11:05.917 --> 00:11:07.042
She's my generation.

402
00:11:07.125 --> 00:11:09.042
She wanted to make a difference,

403
00:11:07.125 --> 00:11:09.042
so she tried everything.

404
00:11:09.125 --> 00:11:12.083
She pushed, she fought,

405
00:11:09.125 --> 00:11:12.083
she kept her eyes on the prize.

406
00:11:13.958 --> 00:11:15.333
(SIGHS) And she lost.

407
00:11:16.875 --> 00:11:18.458
She won

408
00:11:16.875 --> 00:11:18.458
by three million votes...

409
00:11:20.500 --> 00:11:22.667
but she lost...

410
00:11:22.750 --> 00:11:25.292
because the Electoral College

411
00:11:22.750 --> 00:11:25.292
is a white Republican man

412
00:11:25.375 --> 00:11:28.833
who says,

413
00:11:25.375 --> 00:11:28.833
"Not so fast, little lady."

414
00:11:34.500 --> 00:11:37.000
Okay. I... I feel...

415
00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:40.917
I really need to ask you

416
00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:40.917
a question.

417
00:11:43.417 --> 00:11:44.542
Are you a Republican?

418
00:11:46.292 --> 00:11:47.333
Be honest.

419
00:11:48.333 --> 00:11:50.125
(GASPS) Oh, thank God!

420
00:11:50.208 --> 00:11:52.708
(PANTS) Because then

421
00:11:50.208 --> 00:11:52.708
I'd have to gouge out your heart

422
00:11:52.792 --> 00:11:54.125
with my house keys.

423
00:11:55.750 --> 00:11:57.042
I'm kidding. (CHUCKLES)

424
00:11:58.750 --> 00:11:59.792
No, I'm not.

425
00:12:03.708 --> 00:12:05.875
If you want to know

426
00:12:03.708 --> 00:12:05.875
what it means to be a woman...

427
00:12:06.917 --> 00:12:09.958
in America,

428
00:12:06.917 --> 00:12:09.958
you just take a look at Hillary.

429
00:12:10.042 --> 00:12:12.917
While her husband got to be

430
00:12:10.042 --> 00:12:12.917
charming and handsome,

431
00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:14.708
slept with everything

432
00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:14.708
that moved,

433
00:12:14.792 --> 00:12:18.000
she had to grit her teeth

434
00:12:14.792 --> 00:12:18.000
in public,

435
00:12:18.083 --> 00:12:20.417
and no matter what she did

436
00:12:18.083 --> 00:12:20.417
or said or wore,

437
00:12:20.500 --> 00:12:22.458
she was attacked. (CHUCKLES)

438
00:12:22.542 --> 00:12:25.583
Too smart! Too opinionated.

439
00:12:22.542 --> 00:12:25.583
Too blonde. Not blonde enough.

440
00:12:26.458 --> 00:12:28.458
(SCOFFS) And maybe...

441
00:12:30.708 --> 00:12:32.708
maybe people were right

442
00:12:30.708 --> 00:12:32.708
about her. Maybe--

443
00:12:32.792 --> 00:12:36.458
maybe she was too compromised.

444
00:12:32.792 --> 00:12:36.458
I... I never saw it.

445
00:12:38.750 --> 00:12:41.542
Maybe she wanted it too--

446
00:12:38.750 --> 00:12:41.542
too nakedly...

447
00:12:41.625 --> 00:12:43.333
and they wanted to punish her

448
00:12:41.625 --> 00:12:43.333
for that.

449
00:12:44.417 --> 00:12:46.125
As for me,

450
00:12:44.417 --> 00:12:46.125
I'm only gonna say this...

451
00:12:48.583 --> 00:12:51.000
She mattered to me.

452
00:12:51.083 --> 00:12:53.708
(SIGHS) She was a woman

453
00:12:51.083 --> 00:12:53.708
who tried her best,

454
00:12:53.792 --> 00:12:56.042
and the whole world said,

455
00:12:53.792 --> 00:12:56.042
"Fuck you!"

456
00:12:58.542 --> 00:13:02.417
(SOBS) I don't know

457
00:12:58.542 --> 00:13:02.417
what's happening to me.

458
00:13:03.208 --> 00:13:04.750
I never used to talk like this.

459
00:13:04.833 --> 00:13:07.500
This language,

460
00:13:04.833 --> 00:13:07.500
it's so offensive.

461
00:13:07.583 --> 00:13:09.708
And yet,

462
00:13:07.583 --> 00:13:09.708
since the election, I...

463
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:14.417
I haven't been able

464
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:14.417
to stop cursing.

465
00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:16.833
The other day,

466
00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:16.833
I bought another tote bag.

467
00:13:16.917 --> 00:13:19.458
It said, "Bed, Bath

468
00:13:16.917 --> 00:13:19.458
and Fuck You!" (LAUGHS)

469
00:13:19.542 --> 00:13:22.583
So, I'm at Starbucks,

470
00:13:19.542 --> 00:13:22.583
and I stand up and I walk over

471
00:13:22.667 --> 00:13:23.833
and I say to the guy...

472
00:13:26.125 --> 00:13:28.375
"So... the hat.

473
00:13:29.625 --> 00:13:31.625
Why are you wearing it?"

474
00:13:31.708 --> 00:13:35.125
And he looks me up and down,

475
00:13:31.708 --> 00:13:35.125
and he smirks.

476
00:13:36.417 --> 00:13:37.792
And I know

477
00:13:36.417 --> 00:13:37.792
I shouldn't be judging,

478
00:13:37.875 --> 00:13:40.042
but show me one person

479
00:13:40.125 --> 00:13:43.000
who voted for that man

480
00:13:40.125 --> 00:13:43.000
who doesn't smirk.

481
00:13:44.292 --> 00:13:45.333
And he says...

482
00:13:47.250 --> 00:13:51.333
"I'm wearing it because

483
00:13:47.250 --> 00:13:51.333
it drives you fuckin' nuts."

484
00:13:52.375 --> 00:13:54.083
(INHALES)

485
00:13:54.167 --> 00:13:57.042
(SIGHS) And I think to myself,

486
00:13:54.167 --> 00:13:57.042
"Well..."

487
00:13:57.125 --> 00:13:59.125
(KISSES TEETH) "He's not wrong."

488
00:13:59.208 --> 00:14:03.792
And then I say, "But why do you

489
00:13:59.208 --> 00:14:03.792
want to drive me fuckin' nuts?"

490
00:14:05.167 --> 00:14:07.958
And I say it clearly.

491
00:14:05.167 --> 00:14:07.958
I asked the question

492
00:14:08.042 --> 00:14:13.375
so the "you repulsive piece

493
00:14:08.042 --> 00:14:13.375
of racist shit" is silent.

494
00:14:13.458 --> 00:14:17.833
And he says, "Because you got

495
00:14:13.458 --> 00:14:17.833
Obama. What did we get?"

496
00:14:21.708 --> 00:14:23.417
And I just have to

497
00:14:21.708 --> 00:14:23.417
stop and think

498
00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:26.667
because I have no idea

499
00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:26.667
what he's talking about.

500
00:14:26.750 --> 00:14:30.458
So I say to him,

501
00:14:26.750 --> 00:14:30.458
"But what did you want

502
00:14:30.542 --> 00:14:32.750
that Obama didn't give you

503
00:14:30.542 --> 00:14:32.750
or try to give you?

504
00:14:32.833 --> 00:14:36.042
Healthcare?

505
00:14:32.833 --> 00:14:36.042
A-- a-- a good job?

506
00:14:36.125 --> 00:14:38.333
A decent place to live?

507
00:14:36.125 --> 00:14:38.333
Did you want to-- did you want--

508
00:14:38.417 --> 00:14:40.208
did you want to feel like people

509
00:14:38.417 --> 00:14:40.208
were listening to you?"

510
00:14:40.292 --> 00:14:43.458
He says, "Nah. What--

511
00:14:40.292 --> 00:14:43.458
Yeah, whatever. Sure.

512
00:14:43.542 --> 00:14:46.583
But mostly, mostly," he says...

513
00:14:48.333 --> 00:14:51.000
"I look at people like you...

514
00:14:51.083 --> 00:14:55.917
in your nice clothes and your--

515
00:14:51.083 --> 00:14:55.917
your bachelor's degree,

516
00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:59.125
your fancy coffee with

517
00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:59.125
your<i> New York</i> fuckin'<i> Times,</i>

518
00:14:59.208 --> 00:15:02.333
and I think, 'Fuck you.'

519
00:14:59.208 --> 00:15:02.333
You're not better than me."

520
00:15:02.792 --> 00:15:04.458
(SIGHS)

521
00:15:04.542 --> 00:15:08.125
And do you know what it took

522
00:15:04.542 --> 00:15:08.125
for me not to say...

523
00:15:09.708 --> 00:15:10.875
"Master's degree?"

524
00:15:12.125 --> 00:15:13.125
But I don't.

525
00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:15.667
I suck it up...

526
00:15:16.833 --> 00:15:19.083
and I say,

527
00:15:16.833 --> 00:15:19.083
"But I'm not better than you

528
00:15:19.167 --> 00:15:21.542
because we're all--

529
00:15:19.167 --> 00:15:21.542
we're all created equal.

530
00:15:22.375 --> 00:15:23.917
And I would fight to the death

531
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:26.042
for your right

532
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:26.042
to wear that hat."

533
00:15:26.125 --> 00:15:29.875
And he smirks and he's laughing

534
00:15:26.125 --> 00:15:29.875
and he says,

535
00:15:29.958 --> 00:15:32.958
"Ha! And that's

536
00:15:29.958 --> 00:15:32.958
why you're fucked!" (LAUGHS)

537
00:15:33.042 --> 00:15:35.792
"You did it to yourself!"

538
00:15:33.042 --> 00:15:35.792
(LAUGHS)

539
00:15:35.875 --> 00:15:39.792
"And that's why we won,

540
00:15:35.875 --> 00:15:39.792
because we don't care."

541
00:15:39.875 --> 00:15:41.792
And now my breathing

542
00:15:39.875 --> 00:15:41.792
is getting choppy,

543
00:15:41.875 --> 00:15:43.292
and he sees that,

544
00:15:41.875 --> 00:15:43.292
and he's really happy

545
00:15:43.375 --> 00:15:46.208
'cause he knows he's getting

546
00:15:43.375 --> 00:15:46.208
to me. I'm taking the bait.

547
00:15:46.292 --> 00:15:48.667
And then he says,

548
00:15:46.292 --> 00:15:48.667
"And you know what else?

549
00:15:48.750 --> 00:15:50.125
Hillary was never gonna win,

550
00:15:50.208 --> 00:15:52.333
'cause no matter what

551
00:15:50.208 --> 00:15:52.333
your husband told you

552
00:15:52.417 --> 00:15:54.625
to shut you up,

553
00:15:52.417 --> 00:15:54.625
he hated that bitch

554
00:15:54.708 --> 00:15:56.333
just like every other guy

555
00:15:54.708 --> 00:15:56.333
in the world,

556
00:15:56.417 --> 00:15:58.292
and most of the women too!

557
00:15:58.375 --> 00:16:00.125
I dare you. Ask him."

558
00:16:00.458 --> 00:16:01.542
(PANTS)

559
00:16:03.292 --> 00:16:04.500
And then I just stop.

560
00:16:07.750 --> 00:16:08.750
And I don't want to.

561
00:16:08.833 --> 00:16:10.792
I'm fighting it

562
00:16:08.833 --> 00:16:10.792
with everything that's in me...

563
00:16:11.958 --> 00:16:13.083
but I remember...

564
00:16:15.375 --> 00:16:18.042
my Nick, my husband, Nick...

565
00:16:19.833 --> 00:16:23.083
who marched...

566
00:16:19.833 --> 00:16:23.083
who signed every petition...

567
00:16:24.042 --> 00:16:25.333
who taught Phys Ed.

568
00:16:26.292 --> 00:16:29.500
My husband, Nick,

569
00:16:26.292 --> 00:16:29.500
who got cancer,

570
00:16:30.792 --> 00:16:32.375
but who stayed glued

571
00:16:30.792 --> 00:16:32.375
to the television,

572
00:16:32.458 --> 00:16:35.458
who'd get so angry that I knew

573
00:16:32.458 --> 00:16:35.458
it must be affecting his health,

574
00:16:35.542 --> 00:16:37.000
so I made him turn it off.

575
00:16:37.083 --> 00:16:41.250
My Nick, who was in so much pain

576
00:16:37.083 --> 00:16:41.250
and on so much morphine

577
00:16:41.333 --> 00:16:43.417
that he-- he lapsed into a coma.

578
00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:44.833
And when he finally

579
00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:44.833
came out of it,

580
00:16:44.917 --> 00:16:45.958
it was after the election.

581
00:16:46.042 --> 00:16:47.833
He looks up at me,

582
00:16:46.042 --> 00:16:47.833
and he says...

583
00:16:49.292 --> 00:16:51.083
"She won. She won, right?"

584
00:16:53.375 --> 00:16:55.250
And I wasn't gonna tell him,

585
00:16:53.375 --> 00:16:55.250
but the nurse...

586
00:16:55.333 --> 00:16:57.167
She didn't know any better.

587
00:16:55.333 --> 00:16:57.167
She was just a kid.

588
00:16:57.250 --> 00:16:58.667
She said, "No." (INHALES)

589
00:16:58.750 --> 00:17:01.250
And she said that name,

590
00:16:58.750 --> 00:17:01.250
she said the name,

591
00:17:01.333 --> 00:17:03.208
that man's name, and Nick...

592
00:17:03.292 --> 00:17:05.958
Oh my God.

593
00:17:03.292 --> 00:17:05.958
Nick's eyes got so wide.

594
00:17:06.042 --> 00:17:08.208
(SOBS) He started choking,

595
00:17:08.292 --> 00:17:09.875
clenching his fist,

596
00:17:08.292 --> 00:17:09.875
trying to s--

597
00:17:09.958 --> 00:17:11.417
trying to sit up, and then...

598
00:17:17.500 --> 00:17:18.708
And then he was gone.

599
00:17:22.375 --> 00:17:24.042
And that's what

600
00:17:22.375 --> 00:17:24.042
I'll never forgive.

601
00:17:27.125 --> 00:17:29.458
(EXHALES) That man...

602
00:17:31.042 --> 00:17:34.750
that smug criminal...

603
00:17:34.833 --> 00:17:38.625
hateful man who uses

604
00:17:34.833 --> 00:17:38.625
Metamucil for makeup.

605
00:17:40.042 --> 00:17:41.375
That man killed my husband.

606
00:17:43.542 --> 00:17:46.708
That man made a liberal

607
00:17:43.542 --> 00:17:46.708
Jewish gym teacher...

608
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.958
explode.

609
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:55.917
So when that guy at Starbucks,

610
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:55.917
when that guy says,

611
00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:00.208
"Nick hated Hillary," I--

612
00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:00.208
I snapped. I lost it.

613
00:18:00.292 --> 00:18:02.792
I went full-on

614
00:18:00.292 --> 00:18:02.792
Worldwide Wrestling Federation,

615
00:18:02.875 --> 00:18:05.625
Navy Seal, Jason Bourne Goa,

616
00:18:02.875 --> 00:18:05.625
and I grabbed that hat.

617
00:18:05.708 --> 00:18:07.000
I'm gonna throw it

618
00:18:05.708 --> 00:18:07.000
on the ground,

619
00:18:07.083 --> 00:18:08.583
but he grabs my arm,

620
00:18:07.083 --> 00:18:08.583
and he's twisting it.

621
00:18:08.667 --> 00:18:12.125
He says, "That's my hat, bitch!"

622
00:18:08.667 --> 00:18:12.125
I said, "Not today, asshole!"

623
00:18:12.208 --> 00:18:14.000
And I yank my arm away,

624
00:18:12.208 --> 00:18:14.000
but I keep the hat,

625
00:18:14.083 --> 00:18:17.625
and I run right out of Starbucks

626
00:18:14.083 --> 00:18:17.625
down the street.

627
00:18:17.708 --> 00:18:19.000
He's chasing me

628
00:18:17.708 --> 00:18:19.000
for two city blocks.

629
00:18:19.083 --> 00:18:21.000
Thank you, Doctor Scholl's

630
00:18:19.083 --> 00:18:21.000
air cushioned insoles!

631
00:18:21.083 --> 00:18:24.000
And I tear up the stairs

632
00:18:21.083 --> 00:18:24.000
like a fuckin' mountain climber.

633
00:18:24.083 --> 00:18:25.000
My heart is pounding.

634
00:18:25.083 --> 00:18:26.833
I'm operating

635
00:18:25.083 --> 00:18:26.833
on pure adrenaline.

636
00:18:26.917 --> 00:18:29.083
And he's yelling,

637
00:18:26.917 --> 00:18:29.083
"Give it back! Give it back!"

638
00:18:29.167 --> 00:18:34.625
And I say, "This is The New York

639
00:18:29.167 --> 00:18:34.625
Public Theater,

640
00:18:34.708 --> 00:18:37.500
the home of<i> Hamilton,</i>

641
00:18:34.708 --> 00:18:37.500
<i>Shakespeare in the Park</i>

642
00:18:37.583 --> 00:18:40.125
and<i> A Chorus Line.</i>

643
00:18:37.583 --> 00:18:40.125
You have no power here!"

644
00:18:40.208 --> 00:18:42.625
And he says, "The fuck I don't!"

645
00:18:40.208 --> 00:18:42.625
And he grabs the hat

646
00:18:42.708 --> 00:18:45.750
and he shoves me with both hands

647
00:18:42.708 --> 00:18:45.750
like he wants to kill me.

648
00:18:45.833 --> 00:18:49.083
(PANTS) And I lose my balance,

649
00:18:45.833 --> 00:18:49.083
and I'm on the floor...

650
00:18:50.458 --> 00:18:51.500
on my back.

651
00:18:53.125 --> 00:18:54.125
And he leaves...

652
00:18:56.708 --> 00:18:57.750
and he's laughing.

653
00:19:01.458 --> 00:19:02.875
And now everyone

654
00:19:01.458 --> 00:19:02.875
is all gathered around.

655
00:19:02.958 --> 00:19:04.542
"Oh my God. Oh my God.

656
00:19:02.958 --> 00:19:04.542
Are you all right?

657
00:19:04.625 --> 00:19:06.250
Are you all right?

658
00:19:04.625 --> 00:19:06.250
Do you have a concussion?

659
00:19:06.333 --> 00:19:08.292
What'll we do?

660
00:19:06.333 --> 00:19:08.292
Should we call 911?" And...

661
00:19:10.833 --> 00:19:13.917
(SIGHS) I just don't know

662
00:19:10.833 --> 00:19:13.917
what to say.

663
00:19:17.292 --> 00:19:18.708
I got a bump on my head.

664
00:19:19.917 --> 00:19:21.417
I've twisted my ankle, but...

665
00:19:22.583 --> 00:19:23.792
I don't even care...

666
00:19:24.917 --> 00:19:28.208
because I-- I'm looking around,

667
00:19:24.917 --> 00:19:28.208
see...

668
00:19:30.292 --> 00:19:33.625
and I say to myself...

669
00:19:30.292 --> 00:19:33.625
(CHUCKLES)

670
00:19:33.708 --> 00:19:35.000
"What am I doing here?

671
00:19:36.917 --> 00:19:41.417
Why am I trying to see a play

672
00:19:36.917 --> 00:19:41.417
and learn about the world

673
00:19:41.500 --> 00:19:43.417
and-- and keep up with things?

674
00:19:45.375 --> 00:19:46.792
What good does it do?

675
00:19:47.917 --> 00:19:49.250
Who does it help?"

676
00:19:54.583 --> 00:19:56.083
And that was the moment when...

677
00:19:58.292 --> 00:19:59.333
I can't say it.

678
00:20:03.125 --> 00:20:05.875
I can't say it. It's blasphemy.

679
00:20:07.167 --> 00:20:08.208
It's unthinkable.

680
00:20:10.333 --> 00:20:12.458
No, you know what?

681
00:20:10.333 --> 00:20:12.458
I'm gonna tell you,

682
00:20:12.542 --> 00:20:14.917
because you really

683
00:20:12.542 --> 00:20:14.917
will understand.

684
00:20:17.667 --> 00:20:18.792
That was the moment...

685
00:20:19.708 --> 00:20:22.000
when I almost cancelled

686
00:20:19.708 --> 00:20:22.000
my subscription

687
00:20:22.083 --> 00:20:23.375
to The Public Theater.

688
00:20:25.792 --> 00:20:26.833
Do I shock you?

689
00:20:29.208 --> 00:20:30.208
But it's true.

690
00:20:32.333 --> 00:20:34.458
I had looked into the abyss.

691
00:20:36.917 --> 00:20:38.000
I said, "No more."

692
00:20:38.833 --> 00:20:40.083
No more five-hour plays

693
00:20:40.167 --> 00:20:43.333
where people in nice apartments

694
00:20:40.167 --> 00:20:43.333
debate socialism.

695
00:20:43.417 --> 00:20:46.083
No more musicals

696
00:20:43.417 --> 00:20:46.083
about Joan of Arc

697
00:20:46.167 --> 00:20:47.792
as she was fighting the Taliban.

698
00:20:47.875 --> 00:20:49.083
Because everything,

699
00:20:49.167 --> 00:20:52.500
my whole life,

700
00:20:49.167 --> 00:20:52.500
my whole image of myself

701
00:20:52.583 --> 00:20:54.542
as a decent, cultured...

702
00:20:56.208 --> 00:20:58.500
curious human being...

703
00:20:59.208 --> 00:21:00.208
Why...

704
00:21:02.292 --> 00:21:03.625
it was just a bad joke.

705
00:21:05.542 --> 00:21:08.750
A cliché. (STAMMERS) Fake news.

706
00:21:12.125 --> 00:21:15.125
And then this young woman

707
00:21:12.125 --> 00:21:15.125
comes over.

708
00:21:15.208 --> 00:21:17.542
She's wearing overalls,

709
00:21:15.208 --> 00:21:17.542
and a pink pussy hat and--

710
00:21:17.625 --> 00:21:20.208
and a ring in her nose,

711
00:21:17.625 --> 00:21:20.208
and not on the side, either.

712
00:21:20.292 --> 00:21:22.333
We're talking

713
00:21:20.292 --> 00:21:22.333
the full Ferdinand.

714
00:21:22.417 --> 00:21:24.083
I mean, it's a look

715
00:21:22.417 --> 00:21:24.083
my mother would say,

716
00:21:24.167 --> 00:21:26.458
"Did you have to wear that

717
00:21:24.167 --> 00:21:26.458
to our Seder?"

718
00:21:28.583 --> 00:21:30.500
And she says her name

719
00:21:28.583 --> 00:21:30.500
is Heliotrope...

720
00:21:32.042 --> 00:21:33.792
and she's the house manager,

721
00:21:33.875 --> 00:21:36.542
and she'd seen

722
00:21:33.875 --> 00:21:36.542
what just happened.

723
00:21:36.625 --> 00:21:38.417
She brings me some water

724
00:21:36.625 --> 00:21:38.417
and a ten-dollar brownie.

725
00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:42.375
She says, "Go see the play.

726
00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:42.375
You'll feel better."

727
00:21:42.458 --> 00:21:43.958
And I said, "But--

728
00:21:42.458 --> 00:21:43.958
but won't the play

729
00:21:44.042 --> 00:21:46.708
just blame all the world's

730
00:21:44.042 --> 00:21:46.708
problems on gentrification

731
00:21:46.792 --> 00:21:49.125
and inequality

732
00:21:46.792 --> 00:21:49.125
and the patriarchy

733
00:21:49.208 --> 00:21:50.375
with full frontal nudity?"

734
00:21:50.458 --> 00:21:53.583
She says, "What do you got

735
00:21:50.458 --> 00:21:53.583
against nudity?" I said...

736
00:21:53.667 --> 00:21:58.167
(SIGHS) "Nothing, but it's

737
00:21:53.667 --> 00:21:58.167
always the wrong people."

738
00:21:58.250 --> 00:21:59.292
(CHUCKLES)

739
00:22:02.250 --> 00:22:03.417
But I thought about it...

740
00:22:05.083 --> 00:22:06.750
because I knew I had a choice...

741
00:22:09.208 --> 00:22:11.917
to see the play, or surrender.

742
00:22:13.625 --> 00:22:16.833
To have some guts...

743
00:22:13.625 --> 00:22:16.833
or give up.

744
00:22:17.958 --> 00:22:19.917
And I looked at Heliotrope...

745
00:22:21.500 --> 00:22:22.500
and I said...

746
00:22:24.792 --> 00:22:26.500
"I'll bet your real name

747
00:22:24.792 --> 00:22:26.500
is Helen."

748
00:22:27.333 --> 00:22:31.083
But she was young. She had hope.

749
00:22:31.167 --> 00:22:33.000
And then I thought about Nick,

750
00:22:33.083 --> 00:22:36.250
and everything

751
00:22:33.083 --> 00:22:36.250
he was so passionate about.

752
00:22:36.333 --> 00:22:41.042
(LAUGHS) And I looked around

753
00:22:36.333 --> 00:22:41.042
at all the other theatergoers,

754
00:22:41.667 --> 00:22:42.708
and I thought...

755
00:22:45.292 --> 00:22:47.583
"Every ticket is a weapon.

756
00:22:49.125 --> 00:22:52.542
Fighting that guy,

757
00:22:49.125 --> 00:22:52.542
fighting that bastard

758
00:22:52.625 --> 00:22:54.750
and fighting all the bastards."

759
00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:58.083
And then I thought,

760
00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:58.083
"Miriam of Arc,

761
00:22:58.792 --> 00:23:00.167
that's who I am."

762
00:23:00.875 --> 00:23:02.458
Joan of Arc. Hmm.

763
00:23:03.625 --> 00:23:05.042
I'm Miriam of Arc...

764
00:23:05.875 --> 00:23:07.542
because I stand for something,

765
00:23:07.625 --> 00:23:09.625
and everyone in this lobby,

766
00:23:09.708 --> 00:23:11.625
we all stand for something...

767
00:23:12.958 --> 00:23:16.042
and everything

768
00:23:12.958 --> 00:23:16.042
that man is afraid of,

769
00:23:16.125 --> 00:23:18.333
everything

770
00:23:16.125 --> 00:23:18.333
he doesn't understand,

771
00:23:18.417 --> 00:23:19.625
everything he hates.

772
00:23:21.333 --> 00:23:24.458
So I got to my feet,

773
00:23:21.333 --> 00:23:24.458
brushed myself off,

774
00:23:25.458 --> 00:23:26.958
put on some lipstick,

775
00:23:25.458 --> 00:23:26.958
and I said,

776
00:23:27.042 --> 00:23:29.083
"Fuck you,

777
00:23:27.042 --> 00:23:29.083
Mister MAGA hat dickwad.

778
00:23:29.167 --> 00:23:33.042
I am going to see a play."

779
00:23:33.125 --> 00:23:36.375
And when I get out,

780
00:23:33.125 --> 00:23:36.375
there you are, officer,

781
00:23:36.458 --> 00:23:38.417
because that guy filed

782
00:23:36.458 --> 00:23:38.417
a complaint

783
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:41.125
because I'd threatened him,

784
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:41.125
which I did,

785
00:23:41.208 --> 00:23:44.292
and which I would do again

786
00:23:41.208 --> 00:23:44.292
in a heartbeat.

787
00:23:44.375 --> 00:23:47.458
We want our country back,

788
00:23:44.375 --> 00:23:47.458
and we are going to march

789
00:23:47.542 --> 00:23:50.333
and sign petitions

790
00:23:47.542 --> 00:23:50.333
and register people to vote,

791
00:23:50.417 --> 00:23:53.333
and we are gonna watch

792
00:23:50.417 --> 00:23:53.333
Norwegian detective shows on HBO

793
00:23:53.417 --> 00:23:56.250
because that's what we do.

794
00:23:53.417 --> 00:23:56.250
We fight.

795
00:23:57.167 --> 00:23:58.167
We tweet.

796
00:23:58.250 --> 00:24:01.542
Some of us even TikTok,

797
00:23:58.250 --> 00:24:01.542
whatever the fuck that is.

798
00:24:01.625 --> 00:24:05.042
(SIGHS) So take a good look

799
00:24:01.625 --> 00:24:05.042
at me, officer.

800
00:24:05.750 --> 00:24:06.667
Remember my face

801
00:24:06.750 --> 00:24:08.708
and my drugstore

802
00:24:06.750 --> 00:24:08.708
reading glasses...

803
00:24:10.542 --> 00:24:11.542
and my spirit...

804
00:24:13.250 --> 00:24:15.458
because I'm the wall.

805
00:24:18.750 --> 00:24:19.917
Lock me up.

806
00:24:20.500 --> 00:24:23.750
(CROWD CHEERING)

807
00:24:24.583 --> 00:24:26.125
MIKE PENCE:<i> That institution</i>

808
00:24:26.208 --> 00:24:28.250
<i>that forms the backbone</i>

809
00:24:26.208 --> 00:24:28.250
<i>of our society,</i>

810
00:24:28.333 --> 00:24:29.708
<i>traditional marriage.</i>

811
00:24:29.792 --> 00:24:32.542
<i>It wasn't our idea.</i>

812
00:24:29.792 --> 00:24:32.542
<i>It was God's idea.</i>

813
00:24:32.625 --> 00:24:35.208
(APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING)

814
00:24:35.292 --> 00:24:37.583
(CHEERING FADES)

815
00:24:37.667 --> 00:24:38.875
Hi, Doctor Morton.

816
00:24:40.125 --> 00:24:43.708
It's Mark Hesterman.

817
00:24:40.125 --> 00:24:43.708
Thank you so much for seeing me.

818
00:24:43.792 --> 00:24:46.292
Yeah, my regular therapist,

819
00:24:43.792 --> 00:24:46.292
Doctor Beret,

820
00:24:46.375 --> 00:24:47.750
he's recovering, thank God,

821
00:24:47.833 --> 00:24:49.250
but he still has a fever

822
00:24:47.833 --> 00:24:49.250
and chills,

823
00:24:49.333 --> 00:24:50.708
and the coughing

824
00:24:49.333 --> 00:24:50.708
was getting to me.

825
00:24:50.792 --> 00:24:51.833
(CHUCKLES) So...

826
00:24:51.917 --> 00:24:53.875
I'm so sorry, by the way,

827
00:24:51.917 --> 00:24:53.875
to have taken you away

828
00:24:53.958 --> 00:24:55.833
from your friend's

829
00:24:53.958 --> 00:24:55.833
drive-by baby shower.

830
00:24:55.917 --> 00:24:57.083
That sounds so sweet.

831
00:24:57.167 --> 00:25:00.875
And I would love to have a baby

832
00:24:57.167 --> 00:25:00.875
at some point... ish.

833
00:25:00.958 --> 00:25:02.917
It's just, um... (CHUCKLES)

834
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:06.417
I have been feeling

835
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:06.417
kind of stuck lately,

836
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:08.750
and I think I might need

837
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:08.750
to just talk this out,

838
00:25:08.833 --> 00:25:11.417
otherwise my brain

839
00:25:08.833 --> 00:25:11.417
might short-circuit.

840
00:25:11.500 --> 00:25:15.042
So... here's what's going on.

841
00:25:17.000 --> 00:25:18.042
I'm an actor.

842
00:25:20.292 --> 00:25:22.083
Have you seen me in anything?

843
00:25:22.167 --> 00:25:24.375
Um... (CHUCKLES) Well...

844
00:25:24.458 --> 00:25:28.167
I played a crusading gay

845
00:25:24.458 --> 00:25:28.167
congressional intern

846
00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:30.458
in that ABC series

847
00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:30.458
<i>Halls of Power,</i>

848
00:25:30.542 --> 00:25:33.417
which lasted a season

849
00:25:30.542 --> 00:25:33.417
but won a Peabody.

850
00:25:33.500 --> 00:25:36.000
And I played

851
00:25:33.500 --> 00:25:36.000
a rookie gay firefighter

852
00:25:36.083 --> 00:25:39.125
in Showtime's edgier

853
00:25:36.083 --> 00:25:39.125
<i>Five Alarm Hangover,</i>

854
00:25:39.208 --> 00:25:40.875
although I died

855
00:25:39.208 --> 00:25:40.875
in the third episode

856
00:25:40.958 --> 00:25:45.083
after sacrificing my own life

857
00:25:40.958 --> 00:25:45.083
to save a Klan member

858
00:25:45.167 --> 00:25:46.958
from a burning church,

859
00:25:47.042 --> 00:25:49.625
for which I was nominated

860
00:25:47.042 --> 00:25:49.625
for a Queer Spirit Award,

861
00:25:49.708 --> 00:25:54.167
which I know sounds sort of

862
00:25:49.708 --> 00:25:54.167
like a ghost story on Bravo.

863
00:25:54.250 --> 00:25:56.792
And I played a quirky gay

864
00:25:54.250 --> 00:25:56.792
tech guru

865
00:25:56.875 --> 00:25:59.875
on HBO's<i> Early Adopters</i>

866
00:25:56.875 --> 00:25:59.875
with a six-episode arc,

867
00:25:59.958 --> 00:26:02.167
although they might be

868
00:25:59.958 --> 00:26:02.167
bringing me back.

869
00:26:02.250 --> 00:26:03.458
I mean,

870
00:26:02.250 --> 00:26:03.458
people on<i> Game of Thrones</i>

871
00:26:03.542 --> 00:26:05.708
get eaten by dragons,

872
00:26:03.542 --> 00:26:05.708
and they come back, so...

873
00:26:06.583 --> 00:26:07.750
And I just booked a commercial

874
00:26:07.833 --> 00:26:09.583
where my boyfriend and I

875
00:26:07.833 --> 00:26:09.583
go on a picnic

876
00:26:09.667 --> 00:26:11.417
because

877
00:26:09.667 --> 00:26:11.417
we both have health insurance.

878
00:26:12.458 --> 00:26:15.958
So, and I--

879
00:26:12.458 --> 00:26:15.958
Yes, I mostly play gay roles,

880
00:26:16.042 --> 00:26:17.792
and I'm totally grateful

881
00:26:16.042 --> 00:26:17.792
for that

882
00:26:17.875 --> 00:26:21.042
because the huge majority

883
00:26:17.875 --> 00:26:21.042
of actors are unemployed,

884
00:26:21.125 --> 00:26:26.458
and, you know, I'm-- I'm all for

885
00:26:21.125 --> 00:26:26.458
queer representation. (CHUCKLES)

886
00:26:26.542 --> 00:26:30.000
Uh, yes. Sometimes I say "gay,"

887
00:26:26.542 --> 00:26:30.000
and sometimes I say "queer,"

888
00:26:30.083 --> 00:26:32.250
and sometimes I just show people

889
00:26:30.083 --> 00:26:32.250
a picture of myself

890
00:26:32.333 --> 00:26:33.417
on Halloween in high school

891
00:26:33.500 --> 00:26:35.833
dressed as Julianne Moore

892
00:26:33.500 --> 00:26:35.833
in<i> The Hours.</i> (CHUCKLES)

893
00:26:35.917 --> 00:26:37.833
And I love being gay,

894
00:26:37.917 --> 00:26:39.458
you know, which is sort of

895
00:26:37.917 --> 00:26:39.458
why I'm here,

896
00:26:39.542 --> 00:26:41.833
because for the past three weeks

897
00:26:39.542 --> 00:26:41.833
leading up to this...

898
00:26:42.792 --> 00:26:46.000
shutdown,

899
00:26:42.792 --> 00:26:46.000
I had been auditioning

900
00:26:46.083 --> 00:26:48.667
over and over again for...

901
00:26:50.042 --> 00:26:52.958
for what could be

902
00:26:50.042 --> 00:26:52.958
a breakthrough role.

903
00:26:53.042 --> 00:26:56.042
Not just for me, but kind of

904
00:26:53.042 --> 00:26:56.042
for the entire world...

905
00:26:57.250 --> 00:26:59.042
because the character's name

906
00:26:57.250 --> 00:26:59.042
is Fusion,

907
00:26:59.125 --> 00:27:02.417
and he would be the first

908
00:26:59.125 --> 00:27:02.417
big-screen summer blockbuster

909
00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:07.042
studio tentpole

910
00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:07.042
openly gay superhero.

911
00:27:08.667 --> 00:27:09.792
Exactly.

912
00:27:09.875 --> 00:27:11.792
So I have just been

913
00:27:09.875 --> 00:27:11.792
sitting here.

914
00:27:11.875 --> 00:27:14.917
I'm-- I'm supposed to hear

915
00:27:11.875 --> 00:27:14.917
from my agents and manager.

916
00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:17.042
They're supposed to call me

917
00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:17.042
or text me or something,

918
00:27:17.125 --> 00:27:19.667
because even though everyone's

919
00:27:17.125 --> 00:27:19.667
working from home,

920
00:27:19.750 --> 00:27:24.167
apparently the studio is making

921
00:27:19.750 --> 00:27:24.167
their final decision today.

922
00:27:24.250 --> 00:27:25.792
(LAUGHS)

923
00:27:25.875 --> 00:27:27.542
And I know

924
00:27:25.875 --> 00:27:27.542
this is probably sounding, like,

925
00:27:27.625 --> 00:27:29.208
very self-absorbed...

926
00:27:31.125 --> 00:27:34.583
but it's a lot deeper than that

927
00:27:31.125 --> 00:27:34.583
because, when I was younger,

928
00:27:34.667 --> 00:27:36.917
I used to search every movie

929
00:27:34.667 --> 00:27:36.917
and TV show

930
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:40.167
for even the tiniest

931
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:40.167
hints of gayness...

932
00:27:40.250 --> 00:27:45.500
and yes, I had<i> My So-Called Life</i>

933
00:27:40.250 --> 00:27:45.500
for a season.

934
00:27:45.583 --> 00:27:47.833
Which is why I think

935
00:27:45.583 --> 00:27:47.833
I love comic books so much,

936
00:27:47.917 --> 00:27:52.583
because there are just

937
00:27:47.917 --> 00:27:52.583
so many queer characters.

938
00:27:52.667 --> 00:27:55.333
You know, there's Iceman,

939
00:27:52.667 --> 00:27:55.333
who used to be straight

940
00:27:55.417 --> 00:27:57.208
until he accepted himself

941
00:27:55.417 --> 00:27:57.208
as gay,

942
00:27:57.292 --> 00:27:59.667
and Green Lantern is gay

943
00:27:57.292 --> 00:27:59.667
in a parallel universe,

944
00:27:59.750 --> 00:28:03.042
and Coagula is

945
00:27:59.750 --> 00:28:03.042
this incredible trans woman

946
00:28:03.125 --> 00:28:05.500
who can coagulate liquids

947
00:28:03.125 --> 00:28:05.500
and dissolve solids,

948
00:28:05.583 --> 00:28:07.583
and I love Josiah Power,

949
00:28:07.667 --> 00:28:10.333
who is not only gay

950
00:28:07.667 --> 00:28:10.333
and Black with super strength,

951
00:28:10.417 --> 00:28:13.000
but is also the foremost lawyer

952
00:28:10.417 --> 00:28:13.000
in Metropolis.

953
00:28:13.083 --> 00:28:15.125
And one of my favorites

954
00:28:13.083 --> 00:28:15.125
is Northstar,

955
00:28:15.208 --> 00:28:18.000
who's this Canadian

956
00:28:15.208 --> 00:28:18.000
Olympic skier with super speed

957
00:28:18.083 --> 00:28:21.875
and the ability to create

958
00:28:18.083 --> 00:28:21.875
these photonic energy blasts.

959
00:28:21.958 --> 00:28:23.375
And they have

960
00:28:21.958 --> 00:28:23.375
killed him off, like,

961
00:28:23.458 --> 00:28:24.583
at least three separate times,

962
00:28:24.667 --> 00:28:26.292
and he keeps

963
00:28:24.667 --> 00:28:26.292
getting resurrected,

964
00:28:26.375 --> 00:28:27.875
until recently,

965
00:28:26.375 --> 00:28:27.875
where he was recruited

966
00:28:27.958 --> 00:28:31.583
by the X-Men at Xavier Academy,

967
00:28:27.958 --> 00:28:31.583
where he now teaches

968
00:28:31.667 --> 00:28:35.625
business, economics, and French.

969
00:28:35.708 --> 00:28:37.792
And there are so many more,

970
00:28:37.875 --> 00:28:43.417
and they're all so smart

971
00:28:37.875 --> 00:28:43.417
and interesting and complicated,

972
00:28:43.500 --> 00:28:46.417
which is probably why

973
00:28:43.500 --> 00:28:46.417
I don't see them in the movies.

974
00:28:48.042 --> 00:28:49.458
And then there's Fusion...

975
00:28:50.292 --> 00:28:52.792
who is this young gay orphan

976
00:28:52.875 --> 00:28:55.875
who was raised in a string

977
00:28:52.875 --> 00:28:55.875
of abusive foster homes,

978
00:28:55.958 --> 00:29:00.042
and everybody bullied him

979
00:28:55.958 --> 00:29:00.042
and-- and worse.

980
00:29:01.708 --> 00:29:05.333
And one day, he goes to lie down

981
00:29:01.708 --> 00:29:05.333
on the railroad tracks

982
00:29:05.417 --> 00:29:09.750
to kill himself,

983
00:29:05.417 --> 00:29:09.750
when he is simultaneously

984
00:29:09.833 --> 00:29:12.542
run over by a train,

985
00:29:09.833 --> 00:29:12.542
struck by lightning,

986
00:29:12.625 --> 00:29:15.708
hit by a piece

987
00:29:12.625 --> 00:29:15.708
of radioactive asteroid,

988
00:29:15.792 --> 00:29:17.125
and his phone explodes.

989
00:29:18.250 --> 00:29:21.583
And all of those different forms

990
00:29:18.250 --> 00:29:21.583
of energy fuse...

991
00:29:22.583 --> 00:29:24.083
to form his superpowers,

992
00:29:24.167 --> 00:29:27.708
and he travels the world

993
00:29:24.167 --> 00:29:27.708
using those powers

994
00:29:27.792 --> 00:29:31.292
to fight racists,

995
00:29:27.792 --> 00:29:31.292
sexists, and homophobes.

996
00:29:33.042 --> 00:29:35.167
Find me a better superhero.

997
00:29:33.042 --> 00:29:35.167
(CHUCKLES)

998
00:29:36.708 --> 00:29:37.875
Find me a better part.

999
00:29:39.500 --> 00:29:43.000
And I-- I know this is sounding

1000
00:29:39.500 --> 00:29:43.000
so L.A....

1001
00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:47.667
but I really want this part.

1002
00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:47.667
(CHUCKLES)

1003
00:29:47.750 --> 00:29:50.583
I could act the shit

1004
00:29:47.750 --> 00:29:50.583
out of this part

1005
00:29:50.667 --> 00:29:53.875
because if you, you know,

1006
00:29:50.667 --> 00:29:53.875
include community theater,

1007
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:56.083
three emotionally

1008
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:56.083
unavailable ex-boyfriends,

1009
00:29:56.167 --> 00:29:59.875
and an uncanny ability to

1010
00:29:56.167 --> 00:29:59.875
predict Golden Globe nominees,

1011
00:29:59.958 --> 00:30:02.542
he and I are not that different.

1012
00:30:05.625 --> 00:30:09.375
Yes. Well, the audition,

1013
00:30:05.625 --> 00:30:09.375
which is, uh, why we're here,

1014
00:30:09.458 --> 00:30:11.500
okay, so not even

1015
00:30:09.458 --> 00:30:11.500
that long ago,

1016
00:30:11.583 --> 00:30:15.083
my being gay would be a secret,

1017
00:30:11.583 --> 00:30:15.083
and I'd be miserable.

1018
00:30:15.167 --> 00:30:18.042
But there has been progress,

1019
00:30:15.167 --> 00:30:18.042
thank God,

1020
00:30:18.125 --> 00:30:21.333
and I am now out and proud.

1021
00:30:21.417 --> 00:30:24.500
And I get to meet

1022
00:30:21.417 --> 00:30:24.500
out and proud casting directors

1023
00:30:24.583 --> 00:30:26.417
at out and proud fundraisers,

1024
00:30:26.500 --> 00:30:28.208
and I then get to audition

1025
00:30:28.292 --> 00:30:30.833
for those same

1026
00:30:28.292 --> 00:30:30.833
out and proud casting directors,

1027
00:30:30.917 --> 00:30:33.083
who then tell my agents

1028
00:30:30.917 --> 00:30:33.083
I'm too niche...

1029
00:30:34.417 --> 00:30:39.458
or emotional or "sophisticated"

1030
00:30:39.542 --> 00:30:41.167
or whatever

1031
00:30:39.542 --> 00:30:41.167
the current codes are

1032
00:30:41.250 --> 00:30:45.125
for being just a little too

1033
00:30:41.250 --> 00:30:45.125
out and proud.

1034
00:30:47.083 --> 00:30:48.667
Which is why Fusion

1035
00:30:47.083 --> 00:30:48.667
is so important,

1036
00:30:48.750 --> 00:30:50.167
because originally

1037
00:30:48.750 --> 00:30:50.167
they were gonna cast

1038
00:30:50.250 --> 00:30:52.917
a-- a straight actor

1039
00:30:50.250 --> 00:30:52.917
until, thanks to the internet

1040
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:55.542
and millions of Fusion fans

1041
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:55.542
from the comic books,

1042
00:30:55.625 --> 00:30:57.667
everyone said, "No way."

1043
00:30:57.750 --> 00:30:59.833
And then they were gonna hire

1044
00:30:57.750 --> 00:30:59.833
a-- a closeted actor

1045
00:30:59.917 --> 00:31:01.667
like that was

1046
00:30:59.917 --> 00:31:01.667
some sort of compromise,

1047
00:31:01.750 --> 00:31:03.208
but people said, "No."

1048
00:31:03.292 --> 00:31:05.917
Fusion can't bring his mom

1049
00:31:03.292 --> 00:31:05.917
to the Oscars

1050
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:09.083
because he's--

1051
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:09.083
he's not the gay best friend...

1052
00:31:10.458 --> 00:31:12.583
or the--

1053
00:31:10.458 --> 00:31:12.583
the quirky gay sidekick.

1054
00:31:14.625 --> 00:31:18.917
He is the lead of the movie.

1055
00:31:14.625 --> 00:31:18.917
(CHUCKLES)

1056
00:31:19.000 --> 00:31:22.208
He is part of the Victory League

1057
00:31:22.292 --> 00:31:24.542
along with Power Blaster,

1058
00:31:22.292 --> 00:31:24.542
Death Stalker,

1059
00:31:24.625 --> 00:31:27.875
Tornado, Blue Ultra,

1060
00:31:24.625 --> 00:31:27.875
and Bobcat...

1061
00:31:27.958 --> 00:31:30.500
all of which admittedly sound

1062
00:31:27.958 --> 00:31:30.500
like minivans,

1063
00:31:30.583 --> 00:31:35.042
but they are being played

1064
00:31:30.583 --> 00:31:35.042
by A-list straight actors.

1065
00:31:36.875 --> 00:31:38.875
And one of them's

1066
00:31:36.875 --> 00:31:38.875
African American.

1067
00:31:38.958 --> 00:31:40.042
Thank you,<i> Black Panther.</i>

1068
00:31:40.125 --> 00:31:41.417
And one of them's

1069
00:31:40.125 --> 00:31:41.417
Korean American.

1070
00:31:41.500 --> 00:31:43.167
Thank you,<i> Crazy Rich Asians.</i>

1071
00:31:43.250 --> 00:31:44.833
And one of them's

1072
00:31:43.250 --> 00:31:44.833
Scarlett Johansson.

1073
00:31:44.917 --> 00:31:47.208
Thank you, Scarlett's agent.

1074
00:31:44.917 --> 00:31:47.208
And--

1075
00:31:47.292 --> 00:31:50.917
and I would be the gay one.

1076
00:31:47.292 --> 00:31:50.917
(CHUCKLES)

1077
00:31:52.958 --> 00:31:54.083
And maybe it's Hollywood

1078
00:31:54.167 --> 00:31:55.917
genuinely trying

1079
00:31:54.167 --> 00:31:55.917
to be inclusive,

1080
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.208
or maybe they're just doing it

1081
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.208
to be trendy, but okay.

1082
00:31:59.292 --> 00:32:03.000
Because in most movies...

1083
00:32:03.083 --> 00:32:05.167
the gay character falls in love

1084
00:32:03.083 --> 00:32:05.167
and dies...

1085
00:32:06.083 --> 00:32:08.167
or falls in love

1086
00:32:06.083 --> 00:32:08.167
and his partner dies,

1087
00:32:08.250 --> 00:32:09.375
or falls in love

1088
00:32:09.458 --> 00:32:12.125
and experiences approximately

1089
00:32:09.458 --> 00:32:12.125
30 seconds of happiness

1090
00:32:12.917 --> 00:32:14.333
before the end credits.

1091
00:32:16.333 --> 00:32:17.458
But this time...

1092
00:32:18.750 --> 00:32:19.875
just maybe...

1093
00:32:21.375 --> 00:32:25.833
the gay character could

1094
00:32:21.375 --> 00:32:25.833
fall in love and fucking fly.

1095
00:32:29.917 --> 00:32:34.625
So, they send me the script,

1096
00:32:29.917 --> 00:32:34.625
and I decide to play it safe,

1097
00:32:34.708 --> 00:32:38.083
you know, just straightforward,

1098
00:32:34.708 --> 00:32:38.083
wholesome, pure,

1099
00:32:38.167 --> 00:32:39.667
all-American superhero

1100
00:32:39.750 --> 00:32:43.708
who has just faced off

1101
00:32:39.750 --> 00:32:43.708
against the evil Valdor.

1102
00:32:46.125 --> 00:32:48.125
So-- so, I pop a beta blocker...

1103
00:32:49.083 --> 00:32:50.458
and I walk into the room...

1104
00:32:51.625 --> 00:32:53.000
and I give them what they want.

1105
00:33:00.917 --> 00:33:01.958
Don't worry, Susie.

1106
00:33:03.208 --> 00:33:06.458
Valdor can't hurt you.

1107
00:33:03.208 --> 00:33:06.458
Not now. Not anymore.

1108
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.083
Not without his head.

1109
00:33:11.750 --> 00:33:15.208
And, Susie, I want you to meet

1110
00:33:11.750 --> 00:33:15.208
my husband. This is Cortex.

1111
00:33:16.792 --> 00:33:18.833
Oh, no. He's right here.

1112
00:33:16.792 --> 00:33:18.833
He's just invisible.

1113
00:33:19.750 --> 00:33:21.875
He is also a superhero.

1114
00:33:25.375 --> 00:33:27.708
Yes, he is entirely faithful.

1115
00:33:25.375 --> 00:33:27.708
(CHUCKLES)

1116
00:33:27.792 --> 00:33:31.833
But more importantly,

1117
00:33:27.792 --> 00:33:31.833
the world has been saved

1118
00:33:31.917 --> 00:33:34.250
by all different types

1119
00:33:31.917 --> 00:33:34.250
of superheroes.

1120
00:33:38.208 --> 00:33:40.833
And I say thank you,

1121
00:33:38.208 --> 00:33:40.833
and I leave...

1122
00:33:40.917 --> 00:33:42.667
wondering if any of the other

1123
00:33:40.917 --> 00:33:42.667
superheroes

1124
00:33:42.750 --> 00:33:44.500
were asked about

1125
00:33:42.750 --> 00:33:44.500
their partner's fidelity

1126
00:33:44.583 --> 00:33:45.500
by a five-year-old girl,

1127
00:33:45.583 --> 00:33:48.292
and I know

1128
00:33:45.583 --> 00:33:48.292
I wasn't totally dropped in,

1129
00:33:48.375 --> 00:33:50.250
but I thought maybe

1130
00:33:48.375 --> 00:33:50.250
that's what they wanted.

1131
00:33:51.417 --> 00:33:52.875
And so, a week goes by,

1132
00:33:52.958 --> 00:33:54.375
and I finally hear

1133
00:33:52.958 --> 00:33:54.375
from my agent,

1134
00:33:54.458 --> 00:33:56.792
and they want to see me again.

1135
00:33:58.458 --> 00:34:00.750
So I go back in,

1136
00:33:58.458 --> 00:34:00.750
and immediately,

1137
00:34:00.833 --> 00:34:02.875
the director tells me

1138
00:34:00.833 --> 00:34:02.875
to forget about the script.

1139
00:34:02.958 --> 00:34:04.708
Just go for it.

1140
00:34:04.792 --> 00:34:07.958
Improvise. Be out there,

1141
00:34:04.792 --> 00:34:07.958
be beyond out there

1142
00:34:08.042 --> 00:34:10.583
because we don't want

1143
00:34:08.042 --> 00:34:10.583
to play it safe with Fusion,

1144
00:34:10.667 --> 00:34:13.708
so just-- just be super gay.

1145
00:34:21.167 --> 00:34:23.500
Hmm. "Super gay."

1146
00:34:27.833 --> 00:34:30.833
(CLEARS THROAT) So, I ask

1147
00:34:27.833 --> 00:34:30.833
if I could have a moment

1148
00:34:30.917 --> 00:34:32.875
just out in the hall...

1149
00:34:32.958 --> 00:34:36.333
and my first impulse is,

1150
00:34:32.958 --> 00:34:36.333
"Do not do this."

1151
00:34:36.417 --> 00:34:39.000
Because whatever

1152
00:34:36.417 --> 00:34:39.000
you're gonna do in there...

1153
00:34:40.500 --> 00:34:41.792
you won't own...

1154
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:45.583
because you're not celebrating

1155
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:45.583
your queerness,

1156
00:34:45.667 --> 00:34:47.125
that's not what this is,

1157
00:34:47.208 --> 00:34:49.333
because it's being

1158
00:34:47.208 --> 00:34:49.333
demanded of you

1159
00:34:49.417 --> 00:34:52.542
by a straight executive

1160
00:34:49.417 --> 00:34:52.542
who wants a cartoon.

1161
00:34:55.375 --> 00:34:56.583
And I-- I wouldn't do that.

1162
00:35:01.458 --> 00:35:02.500
But I'm there...

1163
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:05.250
at the callback...

1164
00:35:06.417 --> 00:35:09.792
and it's Fusion,

1165
00:35:06.417 --> 00:35:09.792
and it's opportunity,

1166
00:35:09.875 --> 00:35:11.750
and I panic, and I go back in.

1167
00:35:14.292 --> 00:35:15.417
I go back in.

1168
00:35:17.375 --> 00:35:20.417
Partly because I--

1169
00:35:17.375 --> 00:35:20.417
I didn't know what else to do,

1170
00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:24.333
and partly because I was scared

1171
00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:24.333
of letting them down.

1172
00:35:27.083 --> 00:35:28.125
(SCOFFS)

1173
00:35:30.042 --> 00:35:32.250
And I did what they asked.

1174
00:35:40.958 --> 00:35:42.000
Don't worry, Susie.

1175
00:35:43.708 --> 00:35:46.708
Valdor can't hurt you.

1176
00:35:43.708 --> 00:35:46.708
Not anymore.

1177
00:35:46.792 --> 00:35:48.542
Not without his head. (CHUCKLES)

1178
00:35:48.625 --> 00:35:51.167
Looks like someone needed

1179
00:35:48.625 --> 00:35:51.167
a haircut. (CHUCKLES)

1180
00:35:51.250 --> 00:35:55.000
Oh, and Susie, I want you

1181
00:35:51.250 --> 00:35:55.000
to meet my husband, Cortex.

1182
00:35:55.083 --> 00:35:56.333
He's invisible,

1183
00:35:56.417 --> 00:36:01.167
which means that he can do

1184
00:35:56.417 --> 00:36:01.167
whatever or whomever he wants.

1185
00:36:02.917 --> 00:36:04.750
And as for Valdor,

1186
00:36:02.917 --> 00:36:04.750
he might've thought

1187
00:36:04.833 --> 00:36:07.500
that the entire planet

1188
00:36:04.833 --> 00:36:07.500
was terrified of him,

1189
00:36:07.583 --> 00:36:10.000
but his only real superpower

1190
00:36:10.083 --> 00:36:13.458
was the ability

1191
00:36:10.083 --> 00:36:13.458
to end a pool party

1192
00:36:13.542 --> 00:36:17.083
just by showing up, sweetie.

1193
00:36:29.333 --> 00:36:32.125
And I say thank you,

1194
00:36:29.333 --> 00:36:32.125
and I leave...

1195
00:36:33.167 --> 00:36:36.208
and I get to my car...

1196
00:36:37.583 --> 00:36:39.208
and I start to sob.

1197
00:36:41.625 --> 00:36:43.875
And at first,

1198
00:36:41.625 --> 00:36:43.875
I don't even know why.

1199
00:36:43.958 --> 00:36:46.625
You know,

1200
00:36:43.958 --> 00:36:46.625
the tears are-- are flowing,

1201
00:36:46.708 --> 00:36:48.708
and I'm trying

1202
00:36:46.708 --> 00:36:48.708
to detangle my feelings.

1203
00:36:48.792 --> 00:36:50.583
Like, am I crying

1204
00:36:48.792 --> 00:36:50.583
because the whole thing

1205
00:36:50.667 --> 00:36:52.792
is just so fucking cliché?

1206
00:36:52.875 --> 00:36:57.458
Or am I crying

1207
00:36:52.875 --> 00:36:57.458
because I was just asked

1208
00:36:57.542 --> 00:37:02.417
to parade all of the magic

1209
00:36:57.542 --> 00:37:02.417
that I love about myself

1210
00:37:02.500 --> 00:37:04.583
in front of a room

1211
00:37:02.500 --> 00:37:04.583
full of strangers

1212
00:37:04.667 --> 00:37:07.042
like I was some sort

1213
00:37:04.667 --> 00:37:07.042
of carnival sideshow act?

1214
00:37:09.292 --> 00:37:12.083
And then my phone rings.

1215
00:37:09.292 --> 00:37:12.083
It's my agent.

1216
00:37:14.167 --> 00:37:16.208
"They loved it.

1217
00:37:16.292 --> 00:37:19.667
Don't change a thing.

1218
00:37:16.292 --> 00:37:19.667
They want to see you tomorrow.

1219
00:37:19.750 --> 00:37:21.917
You're still in the mix."

1220
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:25.125
So I go home to clear my head,

1221
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:25.125
and I turn on the TV

1222
00:37:25.208 --> 00:37:28.625
to just distract myself

1223
00:37:25.208 --> 00:37:28.625
for a second, but I can't...

1224
00:37:30.583 --> 00:37:31.958
because he is there.

1225
00:37:33.750 --> 00:37:36.583
The vice president of

1226
00:37:33.750 --> 00:37:36.583
the United States, Mike Pence.

1227
00:37:36.667 --> 00:37:40.125
And he's on the news

1228
00:37:36.667 --> 00:37:40.125
giving a speech at an army base

1229
00:37:40.208 --> 00:37:42.500
in Missouri about a mile

1230
00:37:40.208 --> 00:37:42.500
from where I was born.

1231
00:37:44.042 --> 00:37:46.000
And this is the same

1232
00:37:44.042 --> 00:37:46.000
Mike Pence that thought

1233
00:37:46.083 --> 00:37:50.083
that gay marriage would cause

1234
00:37:46.083 --> 00:37:50.083
societal collapse.

1235
00:37:50.167 --> 00:37:53.333
Mike Pence, who campaigned

1236
00:37:50.167 --> 00:37:53.333
for a constitutional amendment

1237
00:37:53.417 --> 00:37:55.750
to ban marriage equality

1238
00:37:53.417 --> 00:37:55.750
because it's not--

1239
00:37:55.833 --> 00:37:58.875
and I'm quoting him on this--

1240
00:37:55.833 --> 00:37:58.875
"God's idea."

1241
00:38:00.042 --> 00:38:02.083
And he wanted to ban

1242
00:38:00.042 --> 00:38:02.083
gay adoption,

1243
00:38:02.167 --> 00:38:03.333
and gays in the military,

1244
00:38:03.417 --> 00:38:05.375
and thought the Matthew Shepard

1245
00:38:03.417 --> 00:38:05.375
Hate Crimes Bill

1246
00:38:05.458 --> 00:38:08.208
was a "radical social agenda."

1247
00:38:08.292 --> 00:38:12.750
Mike Pence, whose wife,

1248
00:38:08.292 --> 00:38:12.750
whom he calls "mother,"

1249
00:38:14.208 --> 00:38:15.542
teaches at a school...

1250
00:38:16.375 --> 00:38:19.250
that doesn't just

1251
00:38:16.375 --> 00:38:19.250
expel gay kids,

1252
00:38:20.250 --> 00:38:24.333
it expels any kid

1253
00:38:20.250 --> 00:38:24.333
with a gay relative.

1254
00:38:26.333 --> 00:38:27.667
And she teaches art!

1255
00:38:29.792 --> 00:38:32.667
And here I am... (CHUCKLES)

1256
00:38:29.792 --> 00:38:32.667
...sitting on my couch,

1257
00:38:33.333 --> 00:38:36.208
having just exploited

1258
00:38:36.292 --> 00:38:39.958
all of the most charming parts

1259
00:38:36.292 --> 00:38:39.958
of myself...

1260
00:38:41.417 --> 00:38:44.750
for a job I might not even get.

1261
00:38:51.375 --> 00:38:53.333
But I agree to go back in.

1262
00:38:56.542 --> 00:38:58.375
And I go in the next day,

1263
00:38:56.542 --> 00:38:58.375
and I--

1264
00:38:58.458 --> 00:39:00.292
I haven't looked at the script,

1265
00:38:58.458 --> 00:39:00.292
because at this point,

1266
00:39:00.375 --> 00:39:02.875
the whole world just--

1267
00:39:00.375 --> 00:39:02.875
everything feels so absurd.

1268
00:39:04.167 --> 00:39:05.917
And I say hello to the people

1269
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.125
in their cashmere

1270
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.125
and Converse.

1271
00:39:09.500 --> 00:39:10.958
And I start the scene, except--

1272
00:39:11.042 --> 00:39:14.208
except I don't do the scene

1273
00:39:11.042 --> 00:39:14.208
that they asked me to prepare.

1274
00:39:14.292 --> 00:39:16.042
I picked one

1275
00:39:14.292 --> 00:39:16.042
from earlier in the movie,

1276
00:39:16.125 --> 00:39:18.208
before I had caught the bad guy,

1277
00:39:16.125 --> 00:39:18.208
but at this point,

1278
00:39:18.292 --> 00:39:20.375
just the sight

1279
00:39:18.292 --> 00:39:20.375
of them all sitting there

1280
00:39:20.458 --> 00:39:23.042
was so disorienting that I--

1281
00:39:20.458 --> 00:39:23.042
I forgot the lines... (LAUGHS)

1282
00:39:23.125 --> 00:39:26.083
...but just decided

1283
00:39:23.125 --> 00:39:26.083
to go ahead with it anyway.

1284
00:39:35.500 --> 00:39:37.167
The reason the world's

1285
00:39:35.500 --> 00:39:37.167
in danger, Susie,

1286
00:39:37.250 --> 00:39:39.125
is because Valdor

1287
00:39:37.250 --> 00:39:39.125
is still out there.

1288
00:39:41.042 --> 00:39:44.792
And Valdor doesn't believe

1289
00:39:41.042 --> 00:39:44.792
in queer superheroes.

1290
00:39:46.167 --> 00:39:47.375
He doesn't think we exist.

1291
00:39:51.208 --> 00:39:52.333
Isn't that right, Valdor?

1292
00:39:53.417 --> 00:39:56.833
Just think we're, what,

1293
00:39:53.417 --> 00:39:56.833
sight gags or punchlines?

1294
00:39:56.917 --> 00:39:59.875
Just people you could

1295
00:39:56.917 --> 00:39:59.875
have prance around

1296
00:39:59.958 --> 00:40:01.167
for your entertainment?

1297
00:40:02.625 --> 00:40:06.000
And we could agree to disagree

1298
00:40:02.625 --> 00:40:06.000
that you think it's okay

1299
00:40:06.083 --> 00:40:10.625
for doctors and nurses

1300
00:40:06.083 --> 00:40:10.625
to legally deny

1301
00:40:10.708 --> 00:40:14.292
life-saving healthcare

1302
00:40:10.708 --> 00:40:14.292
to gay people,

1303
00:40:15.125 --> 00:40:17.042
even in an emergency room,

1304
00:40:18.667 --> 00:40:22.083
even during a global pandemic,

1305
00:40:22.167 --> 00:40:25.375
because of what you call

1306
00:40:22.167 --> 00:40:25.375
"personal beliefs."

1307
00:40:32.750 --> 00:40:34.083
But I'm here with my friends.

1308
00:40:35.083 --> 00:40:36.125
Victory League.

1309
00:40:38.250 --> 00:40:39.292
And you have...

1310
00:40:40.750 --> 00:40:43.250
no idea what you're up against.

1311
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:59.500
And I say thank you,

1312
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:59.500
and I leave...

1313
00:41:00.667 --> 00:41:01.875
and then I think...

1314
00:41:04.292 --> 00:41:07.708
"What the hell did I just do?

1315
00:41:04.292 --> 00:41:07.708
What did I do?"

1316
00:41:12.250 --> 00:41:13.625
But whatever it was...

1317
00:41:14.958 --> 00:41:16.833
that was Fusion.

1318
00:41:16.917 --> 00:41:18.917
That was someone

1319
00:41:16.917 --> 00:41:18.917
that I could be proud of.

1320
00:41:21.958 --> 00:41:24.792
And it turns out

1321
00:41:21.958 --> 00:41:24.792
that they admired my bravery,

1322
00:41:24.875 --> 00:41:26.667
and I'm still in the mix.

1323
00:41:26.750 --> 00:41:30.083
(LAUGHS, SIGHS)

1324
00:41:30.958 --> 00:41:33.042
(CROWD CHEERING)

1325
00:41:33.125 --> 00:41:35.500
IVANKA TRUMP:<i> My father</i>

1326
00:41:33.125 --> 00:41:35.500
<i>not only has the strength</i>

1327
00:41:35.583 --> 00:41:38.417
<i>and ability necessary</i>

1328
00:41:35.583 --> 00:41:38.417
<i>to be our next president,</i>

1329
00:41:38.500 --> 00:41:41.292
<i>but also the kindness</i>

1330
00:41:38.500 --> 00:41:41.292
<i>and compassion...</i>

1331
00:41:42.583 --> 00:41:45.083
(CHEERING FADES)

1332
00:41:45.167 --> 00:41:47.542
Nina, were you marching?

1333
00:41:47.625 --> 00:41:49.333
Yeah, I was in Union Square,

1334
00:41:47.625 --> 00:41:49.333
but I came home

1335
00:41:49.417 --> 00:41:51.917
so I could expedite bail money

1336
00:41:49.417 --> 00:41:51.917
across the country and--

1337
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:54.917
and-- and start a legal team,

1338
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:54.917
but that's not why I'm calling.

1339
00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:57.417
I have to talk to you. Uh...

1340
00:41:58.500 --> 00:42:01.167
I'm shaking. I'm terrified.

1341
00:42:01.250 --> 00:42:03.250
Nope, it's not COVID.

1342
00:42:01.250 --> 00:42:03.250
It's something else,

1343
00:42:03.333 --> 00:42:05.917
and you're the only person

1344
00:42:03.333 --> 00:42:05.917
who's gonna get this because...

1345
00:42:07.167 --> 00:42:09.000
okay, bear with me...

1346
00:42:09.917 --> 00:42:11.375
because I knew her.

1347
00:42:11.458 --> 00:42:14.000
Not well,

1348
00:42:11.458 --> 00:42:14.000
but she was a year ahead of us

1349
00:42:14.083 --> 00:42:16.167
in boarding school.

1350
00:42:14.083 --> 00:42:16.167
Do you remember?

1351
00:42:16.250 --> 00:42:17.542
But we would nod at each other,

1352
00:42:17.625 --> 00:42:21.208
and she always made a point

1353
00:42:17.625 --> 00:42:21.208
of remembering my name

1354
00:42:21.292 --> 00:42:24.208
and smiling and saying,

1355
00:42:21.292 --> 00:42:24.208
"Hi, Callie."

1356
00:42:24.292 --> 00:42:26.458
And I'd say, "Hi, Ivanka."

1357
00:42:26.542 --> 00:42:28.167
And she had this voice,

1358
00:42:26.542 --> 00:42:28.167
you know?

1359
00:42:28.250 --> 00:42:29.875
Sort of light and feathery

1360
00:42:29.958 --> 00:42:31.625
like a lot of the girls

1361
00:42:29.958 --> 00:42:31.625
at the time,

1362
00:42:31.708 --> 00:42:34.292
which was fine,

1363
00:42:31.708 --> 00:42:34.292
but I remember thinking,

1364
00:42:34.375 --> 00:42:36.042
"Is that your real voice?

1365
00:42:36.125 --> 00:42:38.792
Is that anyone's real voice?"

1366
00:42:38.875 --> 00:42:41.542
I know, I'm terrible.

1367
00:42:38.875 --> 00:42:41.542
(LAUGHS) But, you know,

1368
00:42:41.625 --> 00:42:44.042
she really was very nice

1369
00:42:41.625 --> 00:42:44.042
and very sweet.

1370
00:42:44.125 --> 00:42:46.375
She would get there

1371
00:42:44.125 --> 00:42:46.375
in September in a limo,

1372
00:42:46.458 --> 00:42:48.292
in the backseat all by herself,

1373
00:42:48.375 --> 00:42:51.458
and at first, I thought

1374
00:42:48.375 --> 00:42:51.458
she was a floral arrangement.

1375
00:42:51.542 --> 00:42:54.250
And she had friends,

1376
00:42:51.542 --> 00:42:54.250
but she was more...

1377
00:42:54.333 --> 00:42:56.375
sort of this floating presence.

1378
00:42:56.458 --> 00:42:58.583
You know,

1379
00:42:56.458 --> 00:42:58.583
like a visiting princess.

1380
00:42:58.667 --> 00:43:01.083
I remember discussing her

1381
00:42:58.667 --> 00:43:01.083
with you and Melisande,

1382
00:43:01.167 --> 00:43:02.542
and we all agreed

1383
00:43:02.625 --> 00:43:05.208
not to blame her

1384
00:43:02.625 --> 00:43:05.208
for anything her family did.

1385
00:43:05.292 --> 00:43:06.625
'Cause it was like you said,

1386
00:43:06.708 --> 00:43:08.792
"We have to treat her

1387
00:43:06.708 --> 00:43:08.792
as if she was Susan Noriega

1388
00:43:08.875 --> 00:43:10.833
or Courtney Stalin.

1389
00:43:08.875 --> 00:43:10.833
It's not her fault."

1390
00:43:10.917 --> 00:43:13.292
(LAUGHS) You-- you said that.

1391
00:43:13.375 --> 00:43:14.500
And I would watch her,

1392
00:43:14.583 --> 00:43:17.417
and this one time,

1393
00:43:14.583 --> 00:43:17.417
we were both in the library,

1394
00:43:17.500 --> 00:43:20.792
and she was watching

1395
00:43:17.500 --> 00:43:20.792
something about 9/11,

1396
00:43:20.875 --> 00:43:22.417
and she turned to me

1397
00:43:22.500 --> 00:43:25.917
and she said,

1398
00:43:22.500 --> 00:43:25.917
"It's all so awful."

1399
00:43:27.250 --> 00:43:29.125
And I knew she meant it,

1400
00:43:29.208 --> 00:43:33.875
but it was so strange

1401
00:43:29.208 --> 00:43:33.875
because she smiled,

1402
00:43:33.958 --> 00:43:36.917
and it was like she had

1403
00:43:33.958 --> 00:43:36.917
this natural instinct

1404
00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:39.542
to make things better

1405
00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:39.542
or nicer or prettier,

1406
00:43:39.625 --> 00:43:41.750
and I know that

1407
00:43:39.625 --> 00:43:41.750
that's a rich white girl thing

1408
00:43:41.833 --> 00:43:44.750
and it's how she was raised,

1409
00:43:41.833 --> 00:43:44.750
which was probably scary,

1410
00:43:44.833 --> 00:43:47.625
but then I figured out

1411
00:43:44.833 --> 00:43:47.625
what was really going on.

1412
00:43:47.708 --> 00:43:48.958
Because it was something

1413
00:43:49.042 --> 00:43:52.542
the rest of us

1414
00:43:49.042 --> 00:43:52.542
didn't have to deal with.

1415
00:43:52.625 --> 00:43:55.792
She was practicing being

1416
00:43:52.625 --> 00:43:55.792
photographed for the tabloids.

1417
00:43:55.875 --> 00:43:58.917
(CHUCKLES) And-- and this was

1418
00:43:55.875 --> 00:43:58.917
pre-Instagram, right?

1419
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:02.542
But it was, like, she knew.

1420
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:02.542
She, uh, she saw it coming.

1421
00:44:02.625 --> 00:44:06.125
She was like the Steve Jobs

1422
00:44:02.625 --> 00:44:06.125
of smiling. (CHUCKLES)

1423
00:44:06.208 --> 00:44:09.542
That was not mean! I mean,

1424
00:44:06.208 --> 00:44:09.542
because she really was...

1425
00:44:09.625 --> 00:44:11.958
she was so sweet, and...

1426
00:44:12.042 --> 00:44:13.875
you know,

1427
00:44:12.042 --> 00:44:13.875
she tried all sorts of things,

1428
00:44:13.958 --> 00:44:16.958
modeling and business school

1429
00:44:13.958 --> 00:44:16.958
and sweatshops

1430
00:44:17.042 --> 00:44:19.458
and, of course,

1431
00:44:17.042 --> 00:44:19.458
working for her dad.

1432
00:44:20.792 --> 00:44:22.500
But come on.

1433
00:44:20.792 --> 00:44:22.500
It was an opportunity.

1434
00:44:22.583 --> 00:44:26.167
I mean, I work for my dad.

1435
00:44:22.583 --> 00:44:26.167
I run the foundation, which...

1436
00:44:26.250 --> 00:44:28.750
yes, it's different from

1437
00:44:26.250 --> 00:44:28.750
making guest appearances

1438
00:44:28.833 --> 00:44:30.667
on<i> The Apprentice.</i>

1439
00:44:30.750 --> 00:44:32.125
Did you ever watch that show?

1440
00:44:33.375 --> 00:44:36.083
Because her dad

1441
00:44:33.375 --> 00:44:36.083
would fire people,

1442
00:44:36.167 --> 00:44:38.542
and then she would try

1443
00:44:36.167 --> 00:44:38.542
to make things better.

1444
00:44:38.625 --> 00:44:41.083
The smile.

1445
00:44:38.625 --> 00:44:41.083
It was like she was saying,

1446
00:44:41.167 --> 00:44:44.000
"I'm here, but I'm not.

1447
00:44:44.083 --> 00:44:46.292
I'm part of this,

1448
00:44:44.083 --> 00:44:46.292
but I'm somewhere else.

1449
00:44:46.375 --> 00:44:48.083
I'm smiling." (CHUCKLES)

1450
00:44:49.375 --> 00:44:52.208
And then it happened.

1451
00:44:49.375 --> 00:44:52.208
The White House,

1452
00:44:52.292 --> 00:44:54.750
the move to Georgetown,

1453
00:44:52.292 --> 00:44:54.750
the shitstorm, and...

1454
00:44:55.958 --> 00:44:58.500
Okay. Okay, okay.

1455
00:44:55.958 --> 00:44:58.500
Get ready, 'cause you got--

1456
00:44:58.583 --> 00:45:00.458
You're sitting down?

1457
00:44:58.583 --> 00:45:00.458
You got a glass of wine?

1458
00:45:00.542 --> 00:45:03.667
A whole bottle, a whole case,

1459
00:45:00.542 --> 00:45:03.667
because this is where I come in.

1460
00:45:03.750 --> 00:45:06.917
Because a few months ago,

1461
00:45:03.750 --> 00:45:06.917
before quarantine,

1462
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:10.542
before everything,

1463
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:10.542
I get a call from my dad

1464
00:45:10.625 --> 00:45:14.708
because Trump has invited my dad

1465
00:45:10.625 --> 00:45:14.708
to the White House...

1466
00:45:15.875 --> 00:45:18.625
because I guess Trump

1467
00:45:15.875 --> 00:45:18.625
knows my dad

1468
00:45:18.708 --> 00:45:20.458
because he started

1469
00:45:18.708 --> 00:45:20.458
the most successful

1470
00:45:20.542 --> 00:45:22.875
Black-owned brokerage firm

1471
00:45:20.542 --> 00:45:22.875
in history.

1472
00:45:23.500 --> 00:45:25.625
And so I say, "Dad...

1473
00:45:25.708 --> 00:45:28.292
but you're not going, are you?"

1474
00:45:28.375 --> 00:45:29.542
And he says, "Yes."

1475
00:45:29.625 --> 00:45:33.167
He says, "I'm curious,

1476
00:45:29.625 --> 00:45:33.167
and you're coming with me."

1477
00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:36.417
And I say, "No, I'm not.

1478
00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:36.417
Uh, there's no way in hell."

1479
00:45:36.500 --> 00:45:38.458
And he says, "Callie.

1480
00:45:39.042 --> 00:45:40.583
Listen to me.

1481
00:45:40.667 --> 00:45:43.375
He's the president.

1482
00:45:40.667 --> 00:45:43.375
We have access.

1483
00:45:43.458 --> 00:45:46.208
No one will know.

1484
00:45:43.458 --> 00:45:46.208
And you could learn something."

1485
00:45:48.208 --> 00:45:50.833
So we fly to Washington.

1486
00:45:50.917 --> 00:45:54.333
Yes, private. And...

1487
00:45:54.417 --> 00:45:58.333
the car pulls up to the gates,

1488
00:45:54.417 --> 00:45:58.333
and I-- I wonder,

1489
00:45:58.417 --> 00:46:00.417
"Are they gonna stop us?"

1490
00:45:58.417 --> 00:46:00.417
I mean, Black people

1491
00:46:00.500 --> 00:46:03.625
at the Trump White House

1492
00:46:00.500 --> 00:46:03.625
who aren't Kanye?

1493
00:46:03.708 --> 00:46:05.917
And for a second, I had this--

1494
00:46:03.708 --> 00:46:05.917
this image of us

1495
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:09.167
being dragged out of the car

1496
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:09.167
and arrested,

1497
00:46:09.250 --> 00:46:10.458
which would already be bad,

1498
00:46:10.542 --> 00:46:13.208
but then people would also know

1499
00:46:10.542 --> 00:46:13.208
we were there.

1500
00:46:13.292 --> 00:46:17.042
But the Secret Service guy

1501
00:46:13.292 --> 00:46:17.042
just nods and we drive through.

1502
00:46:18.292 --> 00:46:23.167
And... when I walk

1503
00:46:18.292 --> 00:46:23.167
into the actual building,

1504
00:46:23.250 --> 00:46:24.875
I get a shiver

1505
00:46:24.958 --> 00:46:26.500
because I can't do this,

1506
00:46:24.958 --> 00:46:26.500
you know?

1507
00:46:26.583 --> 00:46:29.208
This is our house. It's supposed

1508
00:46:26.583 --> 00:46:29.208
to be everybody's house.

1509
00:46:29.292 --> 00:46:33.333
It was built by slaves. And yes,

1510
00:46:29.292 --> 00:46:33.333
Nina, I know, Barack, but...

1511
00:46:33.417 --> 00:46:36.500
I was there,

1512
00:46:33.417 --> 00:46:36.500
and I am freaking out.

1513
00:46:36.583 --> 00:46:38.750
And my dad whispers,

1514
00:46:38.833 --> 00:46:42.000
he says, "It's okay.

1515
00:46:38.833 --> 00:46:42.000
You're gonna be okay.

1516
00:46:42.083 --> 00:46:43.458
Enemy territory."

1517
00:46:44.625 --> 00:46:47.375
And an aide comes and guides us

1518
00:46:44.625 --> 00:46:47.375
to the Red Room,

1519
00:46:47.458 --> 00:46:48.708
where the dinner's being held,

1520
00:46:48.792 --> 00:46:52.292
and when we get to the room,

1521
00:46:48.792 --> 00:46:52.292
I feel something else.

1522
00:46:52.875 --> 00:46:54.333
An echo.

1523
00:46:54.417 --> 00:46:57.292
Because there aren't many tables

1524
00:46:54.417 --> 00:46:57.292
or other guests

1525
00:46:57.375 --> 00:46:59.792
and the lighting is bad,

1526
00:46:59.875 --> 00:47:02.792
so the whole place

1527
00:46:59.875 --> 00:47:02.792
feels a little abandoned,

1528
00:47:02.875 --> 00:47:04.667
like a bankrupt casino,

1529
00:47:04.750 --> 00:47:08.042
like the eyes on the portraits

1530
00:47:04.750 --> 00:47:08.042
are gonna move.

1531
00:47:08.125 --> 00:47:09.125
And of course,

1532
00:47:09.208 --> 00:47:13.292
we're the only people

1533
00:47:09.208 --> 00:47:13.292
of any color whatsoever.

1534
00:47:13.375 --> 00:47:18.083
And the only way I can be there

1535
00:47:13.375 --> 00:47:18.083
is to feel like a spy, you know?

1536
00:47:18.167 --> 00:47:21.958
Like I'm working undercover

1537
00:47:18.167 --> 00:47:21.958
like a resistance fighter

1538
00:47:22.042 --> 00:47:24.417
dressed as a Nazi

1539
00:47:22.042 --> 00:47:24.417
in a Tarantino movie,

1540
00:47:24.500 --> 00:47:27.000
which is exactly what it's like

1541
00:47:27.083 --> 00:47:32.583
because then there she is,

1542
00:47:27.083 --> 00:47:32.583
Melania.

1543
00:47:32.667 --> 00:47:36.083
And... (LAUGHS) Yes.

1544
00:47:32.667 --> 00:47:36.083
Oh my God. Nothing moves.

1545
00:47:36.167 --> 00:47:37.667
Even her hair has Botox.

1546
00:47:37.750 --> 00:47:41.583
It's like she's Dracula

1547
00:47:37.750 --> 00:47:41.583
with a blowout and a spray tan,

1548
00:47:41.667 --> 00:47:44.042
and she's a birther,

1549
00:47:41.667 --> 00:47:44.042
so fuck her.

1550
00:47:45.417 --> 00:47:48.750
Then he comes in. Trump.

1551
00:47:49.917 --> 00:47:52.208
And I have to tell myself,

1552
00:47:52.292 --> 00:47:54.250
"Remember what my dad said.

1553
00:47:54.333 --> 00:47:56.375
You can learn something."

1554
00:47:56.458 --> 00:47:59.042
So I pretend I don't know

1555
00:47:56.458 --> 00:47:59.042
anything about him.

1556
00:48:01.250 --> 00:48:02.792
What do I think?

1557
00:48:02.875 --> 00:48:06.625
Nice guy, friendly, works hard?

1558
00:48:06.708 --> 00:48:10.083
No. So creepy, so disgusting.

1559
00:48:10.167 --> 00:48:12.125
I want to run.

1560
00:48:10.167 --> 00:48:12.125
I want to take a shower.

1561
00:48:12.208 --> 00:48:15.375
I mean, someone needs

1562
00:48:12.208 --> 00:48:15.375
to follow him with a Dustbuster.

1563
00:48:15.458 --> 00:48:20.125
And he finally glances up

1564
00:48:15.458 --> 00:48:20.125
from his phone and he sees me,

1565
00:48:20.958 --> 00:48:24.417
and I think I get the look,

1566
00:48:24.500 --> 00:48:27.417
the rich white guy look,

1567
00:48:24.500 --> 00:48:27.417
which-- which is all about,

1568
00:48:27.500 --> 00:48:30.250
"Am I pretty enough?

1569
00:48:27.500 --> 00:48:30.250
Am I showing enough skin?

1570
00:48:30.333 --> 00:48:33.417
Am I good enough

1571
00:48:30.333 --> 00:48:33.417
to fuck maybe once?"

1572
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:37.250
But before he can decide,

1573
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:37.250
he sees that I'm with my dad,

1574
00:48:37.333 --> 00:48:39.792
and he comes right over.

1575
00:48:39.875 --> 00:48:43.625
And he's grabbing my dad's hand

1576
00:48:39.875 --> 00:48:43.625
and he's calling him "Jack-o,"

1577
00:48:43.708 --> 00:48:45.750
and then it hits me.

1578
00:48:47.417 --> 00:48:49.792
Because my dad is rich...

1579
00:48:49.875 --> 00:48:52.792
seriously rich,

1580
00:48:49.875 --> 00:48:52.792
richer than Trump will ever be,

1581
00:48:53.958 --> 00:48:55.833
that's the real turn-on.

1582
00:48:57.042 --> 00:49:00.250
And even if I was

1583
00:48:57.042 --> 00:49:00.250
a naked porn star...

1584
00:49:01.583 --> 00:49:03.000
he'd rather fuck my dad.

1585
00:49:04.500 --> 00:49:07.792
Hold on, wait.

1586
00:49:04.500 --> 00:49:07.792
Okay, get ready. Because...

1587
00:49:08.833 --> 00:49:11.792
just as my dad

1588
00:49:08.833 --> 00:49:11.792
is introducing me, I hear,

1589
00:49:12.667 --> 00:49:13.667
"Callie!"

1590
00:49:14.875 --> 00:49:16.167
And it's her.

1591
00:49:16.250 --> 00:49:18.500
And the whole scene

1592
00:49:16.250 --> 00:49:18.500
is so bizarre

1593
00:49:18.583 --> 00:49:21.792
because the place

1594
00:49:18.583 --> 00:49:21.792
feels empty, but...

1595
00:49:21.875 --> 00:49:23.875
the guests are all looking up,

1596
00:49:23.958 --> 00:49:27.083
and it's like this happy,

1597
00:49:23.958 --> 00:49:27.083
blonde four-year-old has--

1598
00:49:27.167 --> 00:49:30.417
has scampered

1599
00:49:27.167 --> 00:49:30.417
into the haunted mansion,

1600
00:49:30.500 --> 00:49:32.375
and she's wearing all white,

1601
00:49:32.458 --> 00:49:34.875
and she glides right over to me

1602
00:49:34.958 --> 00:49:37.250
and she gives me

1603
00:49:34.958 --> 00:49:37.250
the perfect air hug,

1604
00:49:37.333 --> 00:49:39.542
and the perfume is a lot.

1605
00:49:39.625 --> 00:49:41.083
And she says, "Daddy,

1606
00:49:41.167 --> 00:49:43.625
can I steal Callie away

1607
00:49:41.167 --> 00:49:43.625
for a few minutes?"

1608
00:49:44.250 --> 00:49:45.875
And he gives her a nod,

1609
00:49:45.958 --> 00:49:48.250
or he gives her tight

1610
00:49:45.958 --> 00:49:48.250
white dress a nod,

1611
00:49:48.333 --> 00:49:49.958
and he says, "Sure, honey."

1612
00:49:50.583 --> 00:49:51.917
And she says, "Come on!

1613
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:54.667
It's so great to see you.

1614
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:54.667
This is such fun."

1615
00:49:54.750 --> 00:49:56.292
Like we're on a play date.

1616
00:49:56.375 --> 00:49:57.917
Or no, like she's Nancy Drew

1617
00:49:58.000 --> 00:50:00.625
and we're exploring

1618
00:49:58.000 --> 00:50:00.625
the Old Mill,

1619
00:50:00.708 --> 00:50:03.417
which we are,

1620
00:50:00.708 --> 00:50:03.417
because she leads me upstairs

1621
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:06.667
and she says,

1622
00:50:06.750 --> 00:50:10.583
"When I first saw this room,

1623
00:50:06.750 --> 00:50:10.583
I knew how much you'd love it.

1624
00:50:11.583 --> 00:50:12.875
It's the Lincoln Bedroom."

1625
00:50:15.292 --> 00:50:17.958
Whoa. (LAUGHS) Whoa. And it's--

1626
00:50:18.042 --> 00:50:20.625
(LAUGHS)

1627
00:50:18.042 --> 00:50:20.625
No. It keeps getting worse,

1628
00:50:20.708 --> 00:50:23.042
or better, depending

1629
00:50:20.708 --> 00:50:23.042
on your sense of humor.

1630
00:50:23.125 --> 00:50:28.042
So, she pats an armchair,

1631
00:50:23.125 --> 00:50:28.042
and then she sits on the bed

1632
00:50:28.125 --> 00:50:30.333
and I think, "Something

1633
00:50:28.125 --> 00:50:30.333
is definitely up.

1634
00:50:30.417 --> 00:50:32.958
She wants something."

1635
00:50:30.417 --> 00:50:32.958
And so I sit down

1636
00:50:33.042 --> 00:50:35.750
and she cuts right to the chase

1637
00:50:33.042 --> 00:50:35.750
and she says,

1638
00:50:37.250 --> 00:50:39.125
"Callie, I need you...

1639
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:42.542
because I know that people

1640
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:42.542
hate me,

1641
00:50:42.625 --> 00:50:44.708
and-- now, be honest--

1642
00:50:44.792 --> 00:50:46.750
but why do you think that is?

1643
00:50:46.833 --> 00:50:50.083
I mean, jealously,

1644
00:50:46.833 --> 00:50:50.083
of course, but why else?"

1645
00:50:51.083 --> 00:50:53.375
And she's looking

1646
00:50:51.083 --> 00:50:53.375
right at me and...

1647
00:50:54.542 --> 00:50:56.750
she's this glowing blonde cloud,

1648
00:50:56.833 --> 00:50:59.125
and I decide I can't do it.

1649
00:50:59.208 --> 00:51:03.708
I can't-- I can't just be polite

1650
00:50:59.208 --> 00:51:03.708
because then I'm part of it,

1651
00:51:03.792 --> 00:51:09.417
so I say, "People hate you

1652
00:51:03.792 --> 00:51:09.417
because you're not qualified,

1653
00:51:09.500 --> 00:51:12.417
but your dad hires you

1654
00:51:09.500 --> 00:51:12.417
to work in the White House."

1655
00:51:12.500 --> 00:51:14.208
And she's nodding like...

1656
00:51:14.292 --> 00:51:16.417
"Of course, of course.

1657
00:51:14.292 --> 00:51:16.417
And what else?"

1658
00:51:17.500 --> 00:51:21.500
And so I say,

1659
00:51:17.500 --> 00:51:21.500
"The racism, Charlottesville,

1660
00:51:21.583 --> 00:51:22.917
putting kids in cages,

1661
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:26.250
the way your dad treats women

1662
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:26.250
and you defend him,

1663
00:51:26.333 --> 00:51:29.833
the insults, the sneering,

1664
00:51:26.333 --> 00:51:29.833
the lies.

1665
00:51:29.917 --> 00:51:32.208
All my gay friends hate you

1666
00:51:29.917 --> 00:51:32.208
because of Pence

1667
00:51:32.292 --> 00:51:36.333
and the trans ban and trying

1668
00:51:32.292 --> 00:51:36.333
to repeal gay marriage,

1669
00:51:36.417 --> 00:51:39.333
and you post pictures

1670
00:51:36.417 --> 00:51:39.333
of yourself hugging

1671
00:51:39.417 --> 00:51:43.292
the evangelicals who said that

1672
00:51:39.417 --> 00:51:43.292
gay people are going to hell."

1673
00:51:46.042 --> 00:51:47.292
And she says, "Oh...

1674
00:51:48.708 --> 00:51:50.458
But gay people know

1675
00:51:48.708 --> 00:51:50.458
that I love them.

1676
00:51:50.542 --> 00:51:51.792
I'm from New York.

1677
00:51:51.875 --> 00:51:55.625
So I signal them quietly, like,

1678
00:51:51.875 --> 00:51:55.625
I tweeted 'congratulations'

1679
00:51:55.708 --> 00:51:58.458
to that new Black lesbian mayor

1680
00:51:55.708 --> 00:51:58.458
of Chicago.

1681
00:51:58.542 --> 00:52:04.083
And I'm creating so many jobs.

1682
00:51:58.542 --> 00:52:04.083
My dad says it's 15 million.

1683
00:52:04.167 --> 00:52:07.208
And unemployment,

1684
00:52:04.167 --> 00:52:07.208
especially for minorities,

1685
00:52:07.292 --> 00:52:09.833
has been at its

1686
00:52:07.292 --> 00:52:09.833
lowest levels ever.

1687
00:52:10.333 --> 00:52:11.500
It's done."

1688
00:52:12.458 --> 00:52:15.167
It's done. She thinks it's done.

1689
00:52:16.417 --> 00:52:18.750
And so she keeps going,

1690
00:52:18.833 --> 00:52:22.083
and she gives me a huge...

1691
00:52:23.125 --> 00:52:25.875
"just between me and you"

1692
00:52:23.125 --> 00:52:25.875
secret smile,

1693
00:52:25.958 --> 00:52:27.458
and it's twinkling.

1694
00:52:27.542 --> 00:52:28.750
And she says...

1695
00:52:29.625 --> 00:52:31.208
"But I need to

1696
00:52:29.625 --> 00:52:31.208
turn things around

1697
00:52:31.292 --> 00:52:32.833
on a perception level.

1698
00:52:32.917 --> 00:52:35.583
I need people to see Ivanka."

1699
00:52:36.583 --> 00:52:39.250
Her brand. The third person.

1700
00:52:39.333 --> 00:52:40.875
Then she says...

1701
00:52:42.417 --> 00:52:46.000
"So, what if we became friends?

1702
00:52:42.417 --> 00:52:46.000
I mean, real pals.

1703
00:52:46.083 --> 00:52:50.083
What if I could come to New York

1704
00:52:46.083 --> 00:52:50.083
and you could take me places?

1705
00:52:50.167 --> 00:52:54.125
Because if I go to a show

1706
00:52:50.167 --> 00:52:54.125
or an event by myself,

1707
00:52:54.208 --> 00:52:58.500
or, God forbid, with Kellyanne,

1708
00:52:54.208 --> 00:52:58.500
everyone snubs me.

1709
00:52:58.583 --> 00:53:02.625
One person even spit because

1710
00:52:58.583 --> 00:53:02.625
they think I'm a traitor,

1711
00:53:02.708 --> 00:53:04.750
but if I was with someone

1712
00:53:02.708 --> 00:53:04.750
like you,

1713
00:53:04.833 --> 00:53:07.333
someone with total

1714
00:53:04.833 --> 00:53:07.333
social street cred...

1715
00:53:08.333 --> 00:53:11.167
we could go to a restaurant

1716
00:53:08.333 --> 00:53:11.167
or a gala

1717
00:53:11.250 --> 00:53:14.042
and you could be my angel,

1718
00:53:11.250 --> 00:53:14.042
my protector,

1719
00:53:14.125 --> 00:53:17.333
my backstage pass,

1720
00:53:14.125 --> 00:53:17.333
my human shield."

1721
00:53:18.333 --> 00:53:19.708
And I think, "Why?"

1722
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:23.167
Why does she think

1723
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:23.167
she can ask me this?

1724
00:53:23.250 --> 00:53:25.875
Because we went

1725
00:53:23.250 --> 00:53:25.875
to school together?

1726
00:53:25.958 --> 00:53:27.583
Because we're both rich?

1727
00:53:27.667 --> 00:53:29.625
I mean, who the hell

1728
00:53:27.667 --> 00:53:29.625
does she think I am?

1729
00:53:30.875 --> 00:53:32.375
And then I get it.

1730
00:53:33.958 --> 00:53:35.292
Yep, Nina, you guessed it.

1731
00:53:35.375 --> 00:53:37.958
Because her entire fucking life,

1732
00:53:38.042 --> 00:53:39.958
she's never heard the word "no."

1733
00:53:41.542 --> 00:53:43.125
And then it happens.

1734
00:53:43.208 --> 00:53:45.875
She unleashes it. The smile.

1735
00:53:45.958 --> 00:53:48.833
The one she's been working on

1736
00:53:45.958 --> 00:53:48.833
for decades.

1737
00:53:48.917 --> 00:53:50.750
The miles of lip gloss,

1738
00:53:50.833 --> 00:53:53.375
the hint of Vaseline

1739
00:53:50.833 --> 00:53:53.375
on her teeth,

1740
00:53:53.458 --> 00:53:56.000
the chin implant

1741
00:53:53.458 --> 00:53:56.000
slightly lowered,

1742
00:53:56.083 --> 00:53:58.083
the pageant-ready

1743
00:53:56.083 --> 00:53:58.083
smoky eyeshadow,

1744
00:53:58.167 --> 00:54:00.625
the full-on megawatt billboard

1745
00:54:00.708 --> 00:54:04.083
advertising nothing

1746
00:54:00.708 --> 00:54:04.083
but greedy perfection.

1747
00:54:04.167 --> 00:54:05.458
The product.

1748
00:54:05.542 --> 00:54:08.792
Only this time, it's not some

1749
00:54:05.542 --> 00:54:08.792
failing golf resort in Scotland

1750
00:54:08.875 --> 00:54:12.792
or a diamond tennis bracelet

1751
00:54:08.875 --> 00:54:12.792
on the Nordstrom website

1752
00:54:12.875 --> 00:54:16.333
or a ghostwritten guide

1753
00:54:12.875 --> 00:54:16.333
to empowering women.

1754
00:54:16.417 --> 00:54:18.500
It's all her.

1755
00:54:18.583 --> 00:54:23.417
Total Ivanka. Dream Ivanka.

1756
00:54:18.583 --> 00:54:23.417
President Ivanka.

1757
00:54:23.500 --> 00:54:27.542
And it's this blonde avalanche

1758
00:54:23.500 --> 00:54:27.542
just pounding towards me and...

1759
00:54:28.542 --> 00:54:31.167
I'm paralyzed. I'm reeling.

1760
00:54:31.250 --> 00:54:34.167
And I flash on Abe Lincoln

1761
00:54:31.250 --> 00:54:34.167
in the corner going,

1762
00:54:34.250 --> 00:54:37.875
"What the fuck is happening

1763
00:54:34.250 --> 00:54:37.875
in my bedroom?" And...

1764
00:54:39.042 --> 00:54:43.333
Ivanka says,

1765
00:54:39.042 --> 00:54:43.333
"I know it's overwhelming,

1766
00:54:43.417 --> 00:54:45.375
but this could be so great.

1767
00:54:45.458 --> 00:54:49.000
The two of us, a team,

1768
00:54:45.458 --> 00:54:49.000
a power couple."

1769
00:54:49.083 --> 00:54:52.125
And then she stands up

1770
00:54:49.083 --> 00:54:52.125
and she says, "I'll call you!"

1771
00:54:52.208 --> 00:54:53.583
And she's out the door.

1772
00:54:54.875 --> 00:54:58.625
And Melania's hanging

1773
00:54:54.875 --> 00:54:58.625
somewhere upside down

1774
00:54:58.708 --> 00:55:01.375
and her dad is touching

1775
00:54:58.708 --> 00:55:01.375
my dad's arm,

1776
00:55:01.458 --> 00:55:04.875
and he's saying, "Great talk."

1777
00:55:01.458 --> 00:55:04.875
And then we leave.

1778
00:55:04.958 --> 00:55:10.250
And so when we get in the air,

1779
00:55:04.958 --> 00:55:10.250
I ask my dad what Trump wanted.

1780
00:55:10.333 --> 00:55:14.000
And he says, "Money,

1781
00:55:10.333 --> 00:55:14.000
a photo op, golf.

1782
00:55:14.083 --> 00:55:17.125
You think he has everything

1783
00:55:14.083 --> 00:55:17.125
he ever wanted, but he doesn't.

1784
00:55:17.667 --> 00:55:19.500
He never will."

1785
00:55:19.583 --> 00:55:21.750
And I say,

1786
00:55:19.583 --> 00:55:21.750
"So what does he still want?"

1787
00:55:22.792 --> 00:55:27.417
And he says,

1788
00:55:22.792 --> 00:55:27.417
"The thing he claims to hate.

1789
00:55:27.500 --> 00:55:30.833
The thing he tells his

1790
00:55:27.500 --> 00:55:30.833
Klan rallies he doesn't need.

1791
00:55:30.917 --> 00:55:32.750
But all he really wants

1792
00:55:30.917 --> 00:55:32.750
is New York.

1793
00:55:32.833 --> 00:55:35.500
The<i> New York Times,</i>

1794
00:55:32.833 --> 00:55:35.500
to stop wearing the MAGA hat,

1795
00:55:35.583 --> 00:55:38.500
to be rich and powerful

1796
00:55:35.583 --> 00:55:38.500
without being a joke.

1797
00:55:38.583 --> 00:55:41.833
He wants something that he's

1798
00:55:38.583 --> 00:55:41.833
just smart enough to recognize

1799
00:55:41.917 --> 00:55:44.167
but too clueless to achieve.

1800
00:55:44.250 --> 00:55:45.750
He wants style and ease

1801
00:55:45.833 --> 00:55:48.250
and to stand up

1802
00:55:45.833 --> 00:55:48.250
without crumbs in his lap

1803
00:55:48.333 --> 00:55:50.417
like the Coastal Elites.

1804
00:55:50.500 --> 00:55:52.917
Why do you think

1805
00:55:50.500 --> 00:55:52.917
he's so obsessed with Obama?

1806
00:55:53.708 --> 00:55:54.833
He wants us."

1807
00:55:56.167 --> 00:56:00.667
And I can't believe

1808
00:55:56.167 --> 00:56:00.667
I'm about to say this, but...

1809
00:56:00.750 --> 00:56:05.250
for a second, I almost feel

1810
00:56:00.750 --> 00:56:05.250
sorry for Trump and Ivanka

1811
00:56:05.875 --> 00:56:07.542
for being so needy...

1812
00:56:09.125 --> 00:56:11.500
for being all alone

1813
00:56:09.125 --> 00:56:11.500
in the White House

1814
00:56:11.583 --> 00:56:12.583
with only each other

1815
00:56:12.667 --> 00:56:15.292
and the sort of people

1816
00:56:12.667 --> 00:56:15.292
who would be there.

1817
00:56:16.458 --> 00:56:18.000
(SIGHS) And then today...

1818
00:56:19.583 --> 00:56:24.042
I get a call, an hour ago,

1819
00:56:19.583 --> 00:56:24.042
and it's her.

1820
00:56:25.042 --> 00:56:26.375
And she says...

1821
00:56:28.167 --> 00:56:30.417
"Callie, it's happening!

1822
00:56:30.500 --> 00:56:32.125
We're opening the country

1823
00:56:30.500 --> 00:56:32.125
back up.

1824
00:56:32.208 --> 00:56:35.375
It's all about 2020,

1825
00:56:32.208 --> 00:56:35.375
so let's get started."

1826
00:56:35.917 --> 00:56:37.167
And I'm stunned.

1827
00:56:38.458 --> 00:56:40.125
And I say, "Ivanka,

1828
00:56:40.208 --> 00:56:43.583
George Floyd, Breonna Taylor,

1829
00:56:40.208 --> 00:56:43.583
Ahmaud Arbery.

1830
00:56:43.667 --> 00:56:46.458
Do you have any idea

1831
00:56:43.667 --> 00:56:46.458
what's going on?"

1832
00:56:47.458 --> 00:56:49.417
And she says,

1833
00:56:47.458 --> 00:56:49.417
"But didn't you see

1834
00:56:49.500 --> 00:56:51.500
what I tweeted

1835
00:56:49.500 --> 00:56:51.500
the day it all started,

1836
00:56:51.583 --> 00:56:53.625
when people needed

1837
00:56:51.583 --> 00:56:53.625
to hear from me?

1838
00:56:53.708 --> 00:56:58.875
It was from the Bible. It went,

1839
00:56:53.708 --> 00:56:58.875
'This is what the Lord said:

1840
00:56:58.958 --> 00:57:02.917
I have heard your prayers

1841
00:56:58.958 --> 00:57:02.917
and seen your tears.

1842
00:57:03.542 --> 00:57:04.708
I will heal you.'

1843
00:57:06.125 --> 00:57:07.417
Isn't that perfect?"

1844
00:57:09.333 --> 00:57:10.625
And do you know...

1845
00:57:12.250 --> 00:57:14.000
when Trump had

1846
00:57:12.250 --> 00:57:14.000
the National Guard

1847
00:57:14.083 --> 00:57:17.375
clear those peaceful protesters

1848
00:57:14.083 --> 00:57:17.375
with tear gas

1849
00:57:17.458 --> 00:57:18.833
just so he could walk

1850
00:57:17.458 --> 00:57:18.833
to that church

1851
00:57:18.917 --> 00:57:22.208
and hold up a Bible

1852
00:57:18.917 --> 00:57:22.208
like it was his fucking phone...

1853
00:57:23.250 --> 00:57:26.583
I read that walk,

1854
00:57:23.250 --> 00:57:26.583
that whole thing,

1855
00:57:27.375 --> 00:57:29.292
was Ivanka's idea.

1856
00:57:29.375 --> 00:57:31.750
She had the Bible in her purse,

1857
00:57:31.833 --> 00:57:35.542
in her fourteen-hundred-dollar

1858
00:57:31.833 --> 00:57:35.542
Max Mara bag.

1859
00:57:35.625 --> 00:57:38.000
And did you see that her dad

1860
00:57:35.625 --> 00:57:38.000
just said that he's done

1861
00:57:38.083 --> 00:57:41.500
more for Black people than

1862
00:57:38.083 --> 00:57:41.500
any president in U.S. history?

1863
00:57:41.583 --> 00:57:45.250
Like-- like he expects

1864
00:57:41.583 --> 00:57:45.250
a fucking thank you note?

1865
00:57:46.917 --> 00:57:50.083
And she keeps going. She says,

1866
00:57:46.917 --> 00:57:50.083
"So, Callie, whatever you want.

1867
00:57:50.167 --> 00:57:52.875
Women for Trump,

1868
00:57:50.167 --> 00:57:52.875
Black Voices for Trump,

1869
00:57:52.958 --> 00:57:55.125
Senior Advisor.

1870
00:57:52.958 --> 00:57:55.125
I'll send the plane."

1871
00:57:56.583 --> 00:57:58.000
And I am beyond...

1872
00:57:59.500 --> 00:58:01.250
Because she really thinks

1873
00:57:59.500 --> 00:58:01.250
this can happen.

1874
00:58:01.333 --> 00:58:05.708
She really thinks that she can

1875
00:58:01.333 --> 00:58:05.708
stand off to the side, and...

1876
00:58:06.542 --> 00:58:08.542
sit in her little bubble

1877
00:58:08.625 --> 00:58:11.125
where nothing can touch her

1878
00:58:08.625 --> 00:58:11.125
and she really thinks that

1879
00:58:11.208 --> 00:58:14.125
she can social distance herself

1880
00:58:11.208 --> 00:58:14.125
from history.

1881
00:58:15.083 --> 00:58:16.667
And she thinks I'll help her.

1882
00:58:18.250 --> 00:58:22.125
And I'm-- I'm staring

1883
00:58:18.250 --> 00:58:22.125
at my phone and I want to yell,

1884
00:58:22.208 --> 00:58:25.292
"Fuck you! Just fuck you!"

1885
00:58:28.250 --> 00:58:29.917
But instead...

1886
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:32.708
all of my boarding school

1887
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:32.708
training kicks in,

1888
00:58:32.792 --> 00:58:36.167
just like hers, and I say...

1889
00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:44.125
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't.

1890
00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:44.125
Previous engagement.

1891
00:58:44.208 --> 00:58:45.750
I hope you understand."

1892
00:58:46.833 --> 00:58:50.000
And there's a pause,

1893
00:58:46.833 --> 00:58:50.000
and she says...

1894
00:58:51.917 --> 00:58:55.458
"Of course, Callie.

1895
00:58:51.917 --> 00:58:55.458
All the best. I love you."

1896
00:59:00.167 --> 00:59:02.125
And I've been sitting here

1897
00:59:00.167 --> 00:59:02.125
shaking...

1898
00:59:05.292 --> 00:59:07.167
because she scared

1899
00:59:05.292 --> 00:59:07.167
the shit out of me.

1900
00:59:11.708 --> 00:59:14.708
Because even here, Nina,

1901
00:59:11.708 --> 00:59:14.708
all the way in New York,

1902
00:59:14.792 --> 00:59:15.958
I can hear it.

1903
00:59:19.750 --> 00:59:21.250
I can hear her smiling.

1904
00:59:23.583 --> 00:59:25.125
(CROWD CHEERING)

1905
00:59:25.208 --> 00:59:29.000
PENCE:<i> Four more years</i>

1906
00:59:25.208 --> 00:59:29.000
<i>of President Donald Trump...</i>

1907
00:59:29.083 --> 00:59:30.417
CROWD: (CHANTING)

1908
00:59:29.083 --> 00:59:30.417
<i>Four more years!</i>

1909
00:59:30.500 --> 00:59:33.250
<i>Four more years!</i>

1910
00:59:30.500 --> 00:59:33.250
<i>Four more years!</i>

1911
00:59:34.375 --> 00:59:36.250
CLARISSA MONTGOMERY:

1912
00:59:34.375 --> 00:59:36.250
<i>I know you're scared.</i>

1913
00:59:36.333 --> 00:59:37.917
<i>We all are.</i>

1914
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:41.750
We're sitting at home.

1915
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:41.750
There's a virus out there.

1916
00:59:41.833 --> 00:59:43.917
The world is upside down.

1917
00:59:44.000 --> 00:59:45.458
♪ (TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

1918
00:59:45.542 --> 00:59:47.458
So, welcome.

1919
00:59:47.542 --> 00:59:51.292
I'm Clarissa Montgomery,

1920
00:59:47.542 --> 00:59:51.292
and we're streaming live.

1921
00:59:51.375 --> 00:59:55.000
Episode 28

1922
00:59:51.375 --> 00:59:55.000
of my<i> Mindful Meditations.</i>

1923
00:59:55.083 --> 00:59:58.000
I hope my words will soothe

1924
00:59:55.083 --> 00:59:58.000
and enlighten you,

1925
00:59:58.083 --> 01:00:00.208
or at least allow you

1926
00:59:58.083 --> 01:00:00.208
to watch CNN

1927
01:00:00.292 --> 01:00:01.667
without screaming

1928
01:00:00.292 --> 01:00:01.667
at your partner,

1929
01:00:01.750 --> 01:00:03.208
"Have you seen this?"

1930
01:00:04.167 --> 01:00:05.667
(BIRDS TWITTERING)

1931
01:00:06.083 --> 01:00:07.208
Let's begin.

1932
01:00:08.500 --> 01:00:11.875
I'd like you to close your eyes

1933
01:00:08.500 --> 01:00:11.875
and envision

1934
01:00:11.958 --> 01:00:15.625
a beautiful hillside

1935
01:00:11.958 --> 01:00:15.625
lush with wildflowers

1936
01:00:15.708 --> 01:00:19.125
and overlooking a peaceful,

1937
01:00:15.708 --> 01:00:19.125
undisturbed valley.

1938
01:00:20.333 --> 01:00:23.167
You're like Julie Andrews

1939
01:00:20.333 --> 01:00:23.167
singing "The Sound of Music"

1940
01:00:23.250 --> 01:00:26.958
with her arms open wide

1941
01:00:23.250 --> 01:00:26.958
and never dreaming

1942
01:00:27.042 --> 01:00:29.333
she'd soon be trafficked

1943
01:00:27.042 --> 01:00:29.333
by the Catholic Church

1944
01:00:29.417 --> 01:00:32.042
into becoming an unpaid nanny

1945
01:00:29.417 --> 01:00:32.042
under a Nazi regime

1946
01:00:32.125 --> 01:00:34.208
and ultimately marrying

1947
01:00:32.125 --> 01:00:34.208
an employer twice her age

1948
01:00:34.292 --> 01:00:36.167
in a scenario that could

1949
01:00:34.292 --> 01:00:36.167
more rightly be termed

1950
01:00:36.250 --> 01:00:39.875
hashtag EdelweissMeToo,

1951
01:00:36.250 --> 01:00:39.875
hashtag NoneOfMyFavoriteThings,

1952
01:00:39.958 --> 01:00:43.500
and hashtag SoonYeVonTrapp.

1953
01:00:39.958 --> 01:00:43.500
(CLEARS THROAT)

1954
01:00:48.125 --> 01:00:49.792
Let's return to our hillside.

1955
01:00:51.083 --> 01:00:53.167
You're happy. You're at peace

1956
01:00:53.250 --> 01:00:55.875
because you're not allowing

1957
01:00:53.250 --> 01:00:55.875
political trauma

1958
01:00:55.958 --> 01:00:58.125
to poison your bliss.

1959
01:00:58.917 --> 01:01:01.625
Take a deep, healing breath

1960
01:01:01.708 --> 01:01:05.000
and imagine that you're not

1961
01:01:01.708 --> 01:01:05.000
even on Twitter or Facebook

1962
01:01:05.083 --> 01:01:06.250
or Xanax.

1963
01:01:09.083 --> 01:01:10.750
Are you starting to feel better?

1964
01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:13.000
More centered?

1965
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:15.042
More sane?

1966
01:01:16.167 --> 01:01:18.292
♪ (TRANQUIL MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

1967
01:01:20.042 --> 01:01:22.167
(WATER TRICKLING)

1968
01:01:26.875 --> 01:01:28.042
We're floating.

1969
01:01:29.375 --> 01:01:30.708
We're breathing.

1970
01:01:30.792 --> 01:01:33.875
We're in a calm, neutral space.

1971
01:01:33.958 --> 01:01:37.208
No one is angry. No one is sick.

1972
01:01:42.792 --> 01:01:43.875
(EXHALES)

1973
01:01:46.167 --> 01:01:47.208
(WHISPERING) Um...

1974
01:01:49.292 --> 01:01:50.625
Okay, I, uh...

1975
01:01:53.542 --> 01:01:56.625
Uh, this isn't... Oh.

1976
01:01:56.708 --> 01:01:59.250
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪

1977
01:01:56.708 --> 01:01:59.250
-This is so weird.

1978
01:02:03.542 --> 01:02:08.000
I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm--

1979
01:02:03.542 --> 01:02:08.000
I'm so, so sorry, but, uh...

1980
01:02:08.083 --> 01:02:10.458
I-- I don't know

1981
01:02:08.083 --> 01:02:10.458
if I can keep doing this.

1982
01:02:14.292 --> 01:02:18.375
No. Let me explain. Let me...

1983
01:02:18.458 --> 01:02:22.333
Let me try to explain.

1984
01:02:18.458 --> 01:02:22.333
I owe you that...

1985
01:02:22.417 --> 01:02:25.750
because this morning,

1986
01:02:22.417 --> 01:02:25.750
I saw something on the news,

1987
01:02:25.833 --> 01:02:28.167
except it's not just that.

1988
01:02:25.833 --> 01:02:28.167
It's-- it's everything

1989
01:02:28.250 --> 01:02:30.583
that's been happening

1990
01:02:28.250 --> 01:02:30.583
to all of us.

1991
01:02:30.667 --> 01:02:33.375
It's-- Okay. Hold on.

1992
01:02:34.792 --> 01:02:36.167
-♪ (TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

1993
01:02:34.792 --> 01:02:36.167
-(EXHALES)

1994
01:02:36.250 --> 01:02:37.833
Let me start from the beginning.

1995
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:42.083
(SIGHS)

1996
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:42.083
When the virus first appeared,

1997
01:02:42.167 --> 01:02:44.625
like all of you, I was frantic.

1998
01:02:44.708 --> 01:02:46.833
I-- I didn't know

1999
01:02:44.708 --> 01:02:46.833
what was going on,

2000
01:02:46.917 --> 01:02:50.125
so I decided to fly home

2001
01:02:46.917 --> 01:02:50.125
to Wisconsin

2002
01:02:50.208 --> 01:02:53.625
and isolate with my family.

2003
01:02:50.208 --> 01:02:53.625
I know. I know.

2004
01:02:54.417 --> 01:02:55.833
But I'm a hopeful person,

2005
01:02:55.917 --> 01:02:59.292
and I just wanted to see

2006
01:02:55.917 --> 01:02:59.292
if it was possible,

2007
01:02:59.375 --> 01:03:02.292
if just maybe we could use

2008
01:02:59.375 --> 01:03:02.292
this terrible illness

2009
01:03:02.375 --> 01:03:03.833
as-- as some sort of...

2010
01:03:04.917 --> 01:03:07.875
gift, uh... a timeout

2011
01:03:07.958 --> 01:03:11.167
to heal and bond.

2012
01:03:07.958 --> 01:03:11.167
I know. I know.

2013
01:03:12.625 --> 01:03:17.000
But I love my family,

2014
01:03:12.625 --> 01:03:17.000
and I just thought, "What if?"

2015
01:03:19.333 --> 01:03:22.042
My folks still live

2016
01:03:19.333 --> 01:03:22.042
in Lake Auburn,

2017
01:03:22.125 --> 01:03:23.417
this tiny little town,

2018
01:03:23.500 --> 01:03:25.750
it's like 8,000 people

2019
01:03:23.500 --> 01:03:25.750
and change,

2020
01:03:25.833 --> 01:03:27.875
in the farmhouse

2021
01:03:25.833 --> 01:03:27.875
where I grew up

2022
01:03:27.958 --> 01:03:31.583
and where the Montgomerys

2023
01:03:27.958 --> 01:03:31.583
have lived for five generations.

2024
01:03:31.667 --> 01:03:34.917
I always love it... (LAUGHS)

2025
01:03:31.667 --> 01:03:34.917
...when a couple on HGTV

2026
01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:37.042
is renovating

2027
01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:37.042
their Craftsman-style home

2028
01:03:37.125 --> 01:03:39.125
and they demand

2029
01:03:37.125 --> 01:03:39.125
a farmhouse sink,

2030
01:03:39.208 --> 01:03:40.542
"We have to have

2031
01:03:39.208 --> 01:03:40.542
a farmhouse sink,"

2032
01:03:40.625 --> 01:03:44.167
because you know what we call

2033
01:03:40.625 --> 01:03:44.167
that in Lake Auburn? A sink.

2034
01:03:44.250 --> 01:03:47.958
(CHUCKLES) And as I'm driving

2035
01:03:44.250 --> 01:03:47.958
through town,

2036
01:03:48.042 --> 01:03:50.333
I-- I notice something.

2037
01:03:50.417 --> 01:03:53.208
No one is social distancing

2038
01:03:50.417 --> 01:03:53.208
or wearing a mask.

2039
01:03:54.750 --> 01:03:58.417
So maybe this is a refuge,

2040
01:03:54.750 --> 01:03:58.417
a-- a safe zone.

2041
01:03:58.500 --> 01:04:01.208
How great,

2042
01:03:58.500 --> 01:04:01.208
how potentially great.

2043
01:04:01.292 --> 01:04:03.708
And-- and I pull into

2044
01:04:01.292 --> 01:04:03.708
our driveway,

2045
01:04:03.792 --> 01:04:06.333
and there's a Trump sign

2046
01:04:03.792 --> 01:04:06.333
on the lawn,

2047
01:04:07.000 --> 01:04:08.792
but I tell myself, "No."

2048
01:04:08.875 --> 01:04:12.583
Stop. Lower your knee-jerk

2049
01:04:08.875 --> 01:04:12.583
liberal defense mechanism

2050
01:04:12.667 --> 01:04:15.583
because that sign

2051
01:04:12.667 --> 01:04:15.583
isn't automatically hateful.

2052
01:04:15.667 --> 01:04:19.708
It's not a Confederate flag

2053
01:04:15.667 --> 01:04:19.708
like last Christmas on the tree.

2054
01:04:21.917 --> 01:04:25.750
I go inside,

2055
01:04:21.917 --> 01:04:25.750
and I hug my parents

2056
01:04:25.833 --> 01:04:28.167
and my five

2057
01:04:25.833 --> 01:04:28.167
brothers and sisters,

2058
01:04:28.250 --> 01:04:30.792
which feels so good, except...

2059
01:04:31.917 --> 01:04:34.625
almost all of them

2060
01:04:31.917 --> 01:04:34.625
are wearing MAGA hats.

2061
01:04:35.458 --> 01:04:37.042
Even the dog.

2062
01:04:37.125 --> 01:04:40.167
"No," I tell myself, "stop it.

2063
01:04:40.250 --> 01:04:43.500
They're just hats. Calm down."

2064
01:04:40.250 --> 01:04:43.500
And I'm offered one.

2065
01:04:44.875 --> 01:04:46.833
And it's on my head.

2066
01:04:46.917 --> 01:04:48.292
And everyone is chanting

2067
01:04:48.375 --> 01:04:51.042
and-- and my brother Ned

2068
01:04:48.375 --> 01:04:51.042
reaches into my chest,

2069
01:04:51.125 --> 01:04:53.292
and he pulls out my heart,

2070
01:04:51.125 --> 01:04:53.292
and they eat it.

2071
01:04:53.375 --> 01:04:56.292
No. Stop it, Clarissa.

2072
01:04:53.375 --> 01:04:56.292
Stop exaggerating!

2073
01:04:56.375 --> 01:04:59.000
But I can't.

2074
01:04:56.375 --> 01:04:59.000
There are tater tots!

2075
01:04:59.083 --> 01:05:01.917
♪ (TRANQUIL MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

2076
01:05:03.458 --> 01:05:07.792
So... (SIGHS) I'm with my family

2077
01:05:07.875 --> 01:05:11.083
and I am trying so hard

2078
01:05:07.875 --> 01:05:11.083
not to be a snob,

2079
01:05:11.167 --> 01:05:15.583
because it's not a horror movie

2080
01:05:11.167 --> 01:05:15.583
or Stephen King.

2081
01:05:15.667 --> 01:05:18.083
And then my Uncle Dirk says,

2082
01:05:18.167 --> 01:05:19.917
"Trump's a real

2083
01:05:18.167 --> 01:05:19.917
straight shooter.

2084
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:23.292
Tells it like it is."

2085
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:23.292
And I'm drowning.

2086
01:05:23.375 --> 01:05:25.833
I'm choking. I--

2087
01:05:23.375 --> 01:05:25.833
I try to say something,

2088
01:05:25.917 --> 01:05:27.875
but only random words come out.

2089
01:05:27.958 --> 01:05:29.375
It's like I'm in<i> The Exorcist.</i>

2090
01:05:29.458 --> 01:05:33.458
"Charlottesville,

2091
01:05:29.458 --> 01:05:33.458
Obamagate, golf!"

2092
01:05:33.542 --> 01:05:36.333
And-- and my mom grabs me

2093
01:05:33.542 --> 01:05:36.333
and pulls me into the kitchen.

2094
01:05:36.417 --> 01:05:39.375
She knows me, so she says,

2095
01:05:36.417 --> 01:05:39.375
"Stop it, Clarissa.

2096
01:05:39.458 --> 01:05:41.958
Right now,

2097
01:05:39.458 --> 01:05:41.958
you're driving yourself crazy.

2098
01:05:42.708 --> 01:05:44.083
We are so happy to see you,

2099
01:05:44.167 --> 01:05:46.458
but I'm not sure

2100
01:05:44.167 --> 01:05:46.458
what you're doing here.

2101
01:05:46.542 --> 01:05:48.583
This whole corona

2102
01:05:46.542 --> 01:05:48.583
whatever-the-heck-it-is

2103
01:05:48.667 --> 01:05:49.583
is a hoax.

2104
01:05:49.667 --> 01:05:51.292
It's just like

2105
01:05:49.667 --> 01:05:51.292
that impeachment doohickey,

2106
01:05:51.375 --> 01:05:53.292
or that Russia whatchamadoozie,

2107
01:05:53.375 --> 01:05:56.625
or-- or the idea that Melania

2108
01:05:53.375 --> 01:05:56.625
speaks with a foreign accent.

2109
01:05:56.708 --> 01:05:58.042
She's from Maine."

2110
01:06:00.167 --> 01:06:03.333
And I have no idea

2111
01:06:00.167 --> 01:06:03.333
what to say to that.

2112
01:06:03.417 --> 01:06:07.375
And-- and she keeps going.

2113
01:06:03.417 --> 01:06:07.375
She says, "No one here is sick.

2114
01:06:07.458 --> 01:06:09.750
Well, sure,

2115
01:06:07.458 --> 01:06:09.750
your sister's on methadone,

2116
01:06:09.833 --> 01:06:12.333
and Randy lost a finger

2117
01:06:09.833 --> 01:06:12.333
in that snowmobile accident,

2118
01:06:12.417 --> 01:06:14.167
and your cousin Brittany

2119
01:06:12.417 --> 01:06:14.167
has a little cough

2120
01:06:14.250 --> 01:06:16.042
from working

2121
01:06:14.250 --> 01:06:16.042
at the fulfillment center,

2122
01:06:16.125 --> 01:06:17.250
but we're fine.

2123
01:06:17.333 --> 01:06:18.583
And have you ever thought

2124
01:06:18.667 --> 01:06:20.917
that maybe there is

2125
01:06:18.667 --> 01:06:20.917
some kind of disease,

2126
01:06:21.000 --> 01:06:24.542
but that it's all happening

2127
01:06:21.000 --> 01:06:24.542
in New York and California

2128
01:06:24.625 --> 01:06:27.333
and maybe that's because

2129
01:06:24.625 --> 01:06:27.333
all of you are so upset?"

2130
01:06:29.583 --> 01:06:32.292
(CHUCKLES) And--

2131
01:06:29.583 --> 01:06:32.292
and maybe she's not crazy.

2132
01:06:33.250 --> 01:06:35.500
Maybe she's not wrong,

2133
01:06:33.250 --> 01:06:35.500
so I listen,

2134
01:06:35.583 --> 01:06:37.250
and she says, "Think about it.

2135
01:06:38.750 --> 01:06:41.000
You wanted an enemy,

2136
01:06:38.750 --> 01:06:41.000
so you made one up.

2137
01:06:41.083 --> 01:06:44.375
It's like with climate change.

2138
01:06:41.083 --> 01:06:44.375
If it snows in New York,

2139
01:06:44.458 --> 01:06:47.167
you commission a study,

2140
01:06:44.458 --> 01:06:47.167
you write 58 op-ed pieces,

2141
01:06:47.250 --> 01:06:50.208
and you blame it on us.

2142
01:06:47.250 --> 01:06:50.208
If it snows out here,

2143
01:06:50.292 --> 01:06:51.708
we put on a sweater."

2144
01:06:54.417 --> 01:06:57.417
And she's actually making sense,

2145
01:06:54.417 --> 01:06:57.417
and I'm calming down,

2146
01:06:57.500 --> 01:06:59.958
and she hands me a cup of tea,

2147
01:06:57.500 --> 01:06:59.958
and she says,

2148
01:07:00.042 --> 01:07:03.250
"And we're not racist.

2149
01:07:00.042 --> 01:07:03.250
That's nonsense.

2150
01:07:03.333 --> 01:07:05.583
There aren't any Black people

2151
01:07:03.333 --> 01:07:05.583
here in Lake Auburn,

2152
01:07:05.667 --> 01:07:07.167
so who would we be racist to?"

2153
01:07:10.625 --> 01:07:11.625
She said that.

2154
01:07:12.458 --> 01:07:13.750
And then she says,

2155
01:07:13.833 --> 01:07:17.125
"And please don't lecture me

2156
01:07:13.833 --> 01:07:17.125
about pronouns,

2157
01:07:17.208 --> 01:07:18.917
because I'll admit it,

2158
01:07:17.208 --> 01:07:18.917
I don't understand

2159
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:23.042
all that transgender, nonbinary,

2160
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:23.042
LGBTQ business,

2161
01:07:23.125 --> 01:07:26.000
so I just call everyone 'dear.'

2162
01:07:23.125 --> 01:07:26.000
Done."

2163
01:07:28.167 --> 01:07:33.125
Which is almost sweet,

2164
01:07:28.167 --> 01:07:33.125
so I smile and she takes my hand

2165
01:07:33.208 --> 01:07:37.458
and she says,

2166
01:07:33.208 --> 01:07:37.458
"And real soon, like tomorrow,

2167
01:07:37.542 --> 01:07:41.667
this whole virus hoo-ha,

2168
01:07:37.542 --> 01:07:41.667
it's all going to be over.

2169
01:07:42.708 --> 01:07:44.125
Just like President Trump said,

2170
01:07:44.208 --> 01:07:47.375
it's gonna be like a miracle,

2171
01:07:44.208 --> 01:07:47.375
and it's gone.

2172
01:07:48.708 --> 01:07:50.000
Why can't you believe him?

2173
01:07:50.083 --> 01:07:53.083
He's given us

2174
01:07:50.083 --> 01:07:53.083
the best economy ever,

2175
01:07:53.167 --> 01:07:55.625
and it's coming right back.

2176
01:07:55.708 --> 01:07:59.208
I love you, sweetheart,

2177
01:07:55.708 --> 01:07:59.208
but you need to have faith."

2178
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:04.500
And in that moment, I...

2179
01:08:06.208 --> 01:08:07.833
I want to believe her.

2180
01:08:07.917 --> 01:08:10.958
I want it so badly, because...

2181
01:08:13.167 --> 01:08:14.292
she's my mom.

2182
01:08:16.958 --> 01:08:19.250
And so I start

2183
01:08:16.958 --> 01:08:19.250
really thinking about it.

2184
01:08:21.042 --> 01:08:22.417
What if I met him?

2185
01:08:23.917 --> 01:08:25.208
What would I say?

2186
01:08:26.542 --> 01:08:29.667
Would I just sputter and scream?

2187
01:08:31.417 --> 01:08:32.583
What if he listened?

2188
01:08:34.208 --> 01:08:35.333
What if I listened?

2189
01:08:36.542 --> 01:08:38.125
What if everyone

2190
01:08:36.542 --> 01:08:38.125
in this country,

2191
01:08:38.208 --> 01:08:42.958
what if we all just stopped

2192
01:08:38.208 --> 01:08:42.958
being so angry and listened?

2193
01:08:48.750 --> 01:08:52.917
So, I leave the kitchen,

2194
01:08:48.750 --> 01:08:52.917
and I look around at my family,

2195
01:08:53.000 --> 01:08:56.417
and they're all smiling,

2196
01:08:53.000 --> 01:08:56.417
and I think...

2197
01:08:58.250 --> 01:09:01.000
"Maybe this is possible.

2198
01:08:58.250 --> 01:09:01.000
Maybe this can work."

2199
01:09:01.083 --> 01:09:02.667
And then my brother Travis says,

2200
01:09:02.750 --> 01:09:05.083
"Clarissa, you know what's wrong

2201
01:09:02.750 --> 01:09:05.083
with you?

2202
01:09:05.708 --> 01:09:07.375
You've got TDS."

2203
01:09:08.125 --> 01:09:10.250
And I ask, "What's that?"

2204
01:09:10.333 --> 01:09:13.083
And he says,

2205
01:09:10.333 --> 01:09:13.083
"Trump Derangement Syndrome!"

2206
01:09:13.167 --> 01:09:16.542
(LAUGHS)

2207
01:09:13.167 --> 01:09:16.542
And they're all laughing...

2208
01:09:17.958 --> 01:09:19.375
and it's like<i> Rosemary's Baby</i>

2209
01:09:19.458 --> 01:09:21.125
if the Satanists

2210
01:09:19.458 --> 01:09:21.125
all had corndogs,

2211
01:09:21.208 --> 01:09:22.917
and before I know it,

2212
01:09:21.208 --> 01:09:22.917
I'm crying,

2213
01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:24.625
and I blurt out, "I can't!

2214
01:09:24.708 --> 01:09:27.167
I can't do this.

2215
01:09:24.708 --> 01:09:27.167
I love you all so much,

2216
01:09:27.250 --> 01:09:29.583
and I don't want to hate you

2217
01:09:27.250 --> 01:09:29.583
or argue with you

2218
01:09:29.667 --> 01:09:32.333
or just grit my teeth and pass

2219
01:09:29.667 --> 01:09:32.333
the gravy boat and say,

2220
01:09:32.417 --> 01:09:35.042
'No, actually, Canada doesn't

2221
01:09:32.417 --> 01:09:35.042
have nuclear weapons.'

2222
01:09:35.125 --> 01:09:36.917
I can't act as if

2223
01:09:35.125 --> 01:09:36.917
there are two sides

2224
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:38.417
to questions

2225
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:38.417
that don't have two sides.

2226
01:09:38.500 --> 01:09:39.833
And Mom,

2227
01:09:38.500 --> 01:09:39.833
I know you're going to say

2228
01:09:39.917 --> 01:09:41.583
I'm choosing politics

2229
01:09:39.917 --> 01:09:41.583
over family,

2230
01:09:41.667 --> 01:09:43.583
and maybe I am, but I can't!

2231
01:09:43.667 --> 01:09:44.833
I can't be here!"

2232
01:09:47.875 --> 01:09:50.542
And my dad drives me

2233
01:09:47.875 --> 01:09:50.542
to the airport,

2234
01:09:50.625 --> 01:09:52.417
and when we pull up

2235
01:09:50.625 --> 01:09:52.417
outside the terminal,

2236
01:09:52.500 --> 01:09:55.042
he says, "Hold on.

2237
01:09:52.500 --> 01:09:55.042
I have to tell you something."

2238
01:09:55.125 --> 01:09:59.042
And this is the weirdest thing

2239
01:09:55.125 --> 01:09:59.042
of all, because my dad...

2240
01:09:59.125 --> 01:10:02.125
he doesn't talk.

2241
01:09:59.125 --> 01:10:02.125
I mean, not ever.

2242
01:10:02.208 --> 01:10:05.292
He-- he's a contractor

2243
01:10:02.208 --> 01:10:05.292
and a vet and a really good guy,

2244
01:10:05.375 --> 01:10:07.083
but he's not chatty,

2245
01:10:05.375 --> 01:10:07.083
or huggy, or--

2246
01:10:07.167 --> 01:10:09.542
Okay, he's the sort of person

2247
01:10:07.167 --> 01:10:09.542
who, if he's not interested,

2248
01:10:09.625 --> 01:10:12.583
he shuts his eyes

2249
01:10:09.625 --> 01:10:12.583
and falls asleep sitting up...

2250
01:10:12.667 --> 01:10:17.292
except for right now,

2251
01:10:12.667 --> 01:10:17.292
because he's looking right at me

2252
01:10:17.375 --> 01:10:19.417
to make sure

2253
01:10:17.375 --> 01:10:19.417
I'm paying attention,

2254
01:10:20.458 --> 01:10:21.500
and he says...

2255
01:10:23.292 --> 01:10:27.292
"I have to tell you something

2256
01:10:23.292 --> 01:10:27.292
because I have to tell someone,

2257
01:10:27.375 --> 01:10:30.292
and if you tell your mom

2258
01:10:27.375 --> 01:10:30.292
or anyone else, I swear to God,

2259
01:10:30.375 --> 01:10:33.917
I'll deny it till my dying day,

2260
01:10:30.375 --> 01:10:33.917
and I'll kill you...

2261
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:37.750
but I'm not voting for him.

2262
01:10:38.958 --> 01:10:40.125
Not this time. I can't.

2263
01:10:40.208 --> 01:10:43.125
And it's not about the virus

2264
01:10:40.208 --> 01:10:43.125
or collusion or whatever."

2265
01:10:43.208 --> 01:10:44.250
And I say...

2266
01:10:45.458 --> 01:10:46.625
(WHISPERING) "Dad."

2267
01:10:47.625 --> 01:10:48.833
"Dad." And he says...

2268
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:51.583
"John McCain.

2269
01:10:53.333 --> 01:10:57.333
He flew 23 missions,

2270
01:10:53.333 --> 01:10:57.333
and then he got shot down

2271
01:10:57.417 --> 01:11:00.125
and held prisoner

2272
01:10:57.417 --> 01:11:00.125
for five and a half years.

2273
01:11:00.208 --> 01:11:02.083
He was starved and beaten

2274
01:11:02.167 --> 01:11:04.042
so badly that

2275
01:11:02.167 --> 01:11:04.042
for the rest of his life,

2276
01:11:04.125 --> 01:11:06.958
he couldn't raise his arms

2277
01:11:04.125 --> 01:11:06.958
over his head,

2278
01:11:07.042 --> 01:11:11.000
and Trump, he said, 'I like guys

2279
01:11:07.042 --> 01:11:11.000
who weren't captured.'"

2280
01:11:11.083 --> 01:11:14.417
And-- and I have never seen

2281
01:11:11.083 --> 01:11:14.417
my dad like this.

2282
01:11:14.500 --> 01:11:17.333
It is pouring out of him.

2283
01:11:14.500 --> 01:11:17.333
He-- he-- he said,

2284
01:11:17.417 --> 01:11:21.375
"Trump kept insulting the man

2285
01:11:17.417 --> 01:11:21.375
even after he died.

2286
01:11:21.458 --> 01:11:23.417
Trump was making some

2287
01:11:21.458 --> 01:11:23.417
goddamn appearance,

2288
01:11:23.500 --> 01:11:25.250
grinning like a baboon.

2289
01:11:23.500 --> 01:11:25.250
He was in front of

2290
01:11:25.333 --> 01:11:28.083
a naval destroyer

2291
01:11:25.333 --> 01:11:28.083
named the<i> John McCain,</i>

2292
01:11:28.167 --> 01:11:30.542
but Trump had them cover up

2293
01:11:28.167 --> 01:11:30.542
the name."

2294
01:11:32.292 --> 01:11:33.750
And he stops...

2295
01:11:34.708 --> 01:11:37.542
because

2296
01:11:34.708 --> 01:11:37.542
he's so furious or appalled

2297
01:11:37.625 --> 01:11:40.375
but I-- I mean,

2298
01:11:37.625 --> 01:11:40.375
I have never heard my dad

2299
01:11:40.458 --> 01:11:43.875
say this many words in a row,

2300
01:11:40.458 --> 01:11:43.875
but he holds up his hand,

2301
01:11:43.958 --> 01:11:46.083
because he's not finished yet.

2302
01:11:43.958 --> 01:11:46.083
He-- he says,

2303
01:11:46.167 --> 01:11:48.083
"I-- I didn't always agree

2304
01:11:46.167 --> 01:11:48.083
with McCain.

2305
01:11:48.167 --> 01:11:49.917
Hell, I don't even know

2306
01:11:48.167 --> 01:11:49.917
if I liked him,

2307
01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:52.333
but the man was a hero.

2308
01:11:52.417 --> 01:11:55.542
An American hero,

2309
01:11:52.417 --> 01:11:55.542
and Trump's a rich boy,

2310
01:11:55.625 --> 01:11:58.042
a five-time draft dodger

2311
01:11:55.625 --> 01:11:58.042
with bone spurs,

2312
01:11:58.125 --> 01:11:59.583
and I don't even care

2313
01:11:58.125 --> 01:11:59.583
about that.

2314
01:11:59.667 --> 01:12:01.208
I care about McCain."

2315
01:12:06.417 --> 01:12:08.083
So, I hug him...

2316
01:12:10.750 --> 01:12:14.458
and I get back on the plane,

2317
01:12:10.750 --> 01:12:14.458
and I fly here to Vermont,

2318
01:12:14.542 --> 01:12:16.833
and I think,

2319
01:12:14.542 --> 01:12:16.833
"I'll just keep making...

2320
01:12:16.917 --> 01:12:19.958
my meditation videos

2321
01:12:16.917 --> 01:12:19.958
to help people."

2322
01:12:22.167 --> 01:12:24.583
Except I can't stop thinking

2323
01:12:22.167 --> 01:12:24.583
about my dad.

2324
01:12:26.708 --> 01:12:28.958
I can't stop thinking

2325
01:12:26.708 --> 01:12:28.958
about everything.

2326
01:12:31.167 --> 01:12:37.750
CROWD: (CHANTING)<i> USA! USA!</i>

2327
01:12:31.167 --> 01:12:37.750
<i>USA! USA! USA! USA!</i>

2328
01:12:40.333 --> 01:12:41.542
(CHANTING FADES)

2329
01:12:42.667 --> 01:12:45.417
I live in Wyoming,

2330
01:12:42.667 --> 01:12:45.417
where we've been lucky.

2331
01:12:46.625 --> 01:12:49.167
They needed nurses in New York.

2332
01:12:49.250 --> 01:12:52.042
My best friend, Kendra,

2333
01:12:49.250 --> 01:12:52.042
was volunteering.

2334
01:12:52.125 --> 01:12:54.875
And I was--

2335
01:12:52.125 --> 01:12:54.875
I was really scared...

2336
01:12:54.958 --> 01:12:58.708
but Kendra said Wyoming

2337
01:12:54.958 --> 01:12:58.708
is so boring, so... (CHUCKLES)

2338
01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:02.125
Here-- here I am.

2339
01:13:02.208 --> 01:13:04.708
It's-- it's just like

2340
01:13:02.208 --> 01:13:04.708
everybody says.

2341
01:13:06.792 --> 01:13:08.583
Even the New York

2342
01:13:06.792 --> 01:13:08.583
doctors and nurses,

2343
01:13:08.667 --> 01:13:10.708
they've never seen...

2344
01:13:10.792 --> 01:13:12.750
they've never seen

2345
01:13:10.792 --> 01:13:12.750
anything like it.

2346
01:13:15.208 --> 01:13:17.000
(KISSES TEETH) Uh, I just...

2347
01:13:17.875 --> 01:13:20.042
I just got off a 14-hour shift,

2348
01:13:20.125 --> 01:13:23.542
and I know I should probably

2349
01:13:23.625 --> 01:13:26.417
take off my clothes,

2350
01:13:23.625 --> 01:13:26.417
put 'em in a plastic bag,

2351
01:13:26.500 --> 01:13:27.833
take a shower.

2352
01:13:27.917 --> 01:13:30.083
It's just all so surreal.

2353
01:13:33.833 --> 01:13:35.792
Mostly because

2354
01:13:33.833 --> 01:13:35.792
of this one patient...

2355
01:13:37.917 --> 01:13:38.917
Miriam.

2356
01:13:42.000 --> 01:13:43.250
I first met her, like...

2357
01:13:44.833 --> 01:13:46.000
three weeks ago.

2358
01:13:47.083 --> 01:13:49.958
I was working in the tent

2359
01:13:47.083 --> 01:13:49.958
outside the hospital

2360
01:13:50.042 --> 01:13:51.333
doing nasal swabs,

2361
01:13:51.417 --> 01:13:55.708
and she's all dressed up...

2362
01:13:55.792 --> 01:14:02.250
and she's got this amazing shawl

2363
01:13:55.792 --> 01:14:02.250
and lipstick, and I said...

2364
01:14:03.542 --> 01:14:05.083
"I-- I-- I like your bracelet."

2365
01:14:05.167 --> 01:14:07.625
And she says,

2366
01:14:05.167 --> 01:14:07.625
"Oh, thanks. Isn't it pretty?

2367
01:14:07.708 --> 01:14:10.375
My-- my son got it for me

2368
01:14:07.708 --> 01:14:10.375
after I told him to."

2369
01:14:11.625 --> 01:14:13.958
And I said, "Are-- are--

2370
01:14:11.625 --> 01:14:13.958
are you headed somewhere else?"

2371
01:14:14.042 --> 01:14:16.208
And she said, "No, I just wanted

2372
01:14:14.042 --> 01:14:16.208
to look nice

2373
01:14:16.292 --> 01:14:18.458
for the doctors and nurses."

2374
01:14:18.542 --> 01:14:20.375
And I said, "That--

2375
01:14:18.542 --> 01:14:20.375
that's awesome."

2376
01:14:21.375 --> 01:14:22.833
And then she says, "I'm Jewish."

2377
01:14:23.625 --> 01:14:25.583
And then I went, "Oh, uh...

2378
01:14:25.667 --> 01:14:27.792
<i>Nazel tok."</i> (LAUGHS)

2379
01:14:29.208 --> 01:14:31.917
And then she says,

2380
01:14:29.208 --> 01:14:31.917
"You'll get there."

2381
01:14:34.000 --> 01:14:37.792
She's smart and funny.

2382
01:14:38.958 --> 01:14:40.875
(CHUCKLES)

2383
01:14:38.958 --> 01:14:40.875
After I stuck the swab

2384
01:14:40.958 --> 01:14:43.167
all the way up her nose,

2385
01:14:40.958 --> 01:14:43.167
she said,

2386
01:14:43.250 --> 01:14:45.875
she said,

2387
01:14:43.250 --> 01:14:45.875
"Thank you and fuck you."

2388
01:14:47.042 --> 01:14:50.500
(CHUCKLES) And we laughed.

2389
01:14:50.583 --> 01:14:55.417
And her temperature was 99.8,

2390
01:14:50.583 --> 01:14:55.417
so the doctor sends her home,

2391
01:14:55.500 --> 01:14:57.625
tells her to monitor

2392
01:14:55.500 --> 01:14:57.625
her symptoms.

2393
01:14:58.417 --> 01:15:00.167
And she says, "I know. I know.

2394
01:15:00.250 --> 01:15:03.167
My daughter's a neurologist

2395
01:15:00.250 --> 01:15:03.167
in Seattle."

2396
01:15:03.250 --> 01:15:05.708
And she turns to go,

2397
01:15:03.250 --> 01:15:05.708
and then she turns back

2398
01:15:05.792 --> 01:15:08.125
and says, "Single."

2399
01:15:08.208 --> 01:15:10.542
And then she turns to go,

2400
01:15:08.208 --> 01:15:10.542
and then she turns back

2401
01:15:10.625 --> 01:15:12.750
and says, "Again."

2402
01:15:13.667 --> 01:15:14.958
(CHUCKLES)

2403
01:15:17.625 --> 01:15:19.583
Uh...

2404
01:15:19.667 --> 01:15:24.167
The next time I see her,

2405
01:15:19.667 --> 01:15:24.167
um, I'm working the ER

2406
01:15:25.000 --> 01:15:26.625
and she's being admitted...

2407
01:15:27.750 --> 01:15:29.917
'cause she's up to 102

2408
01:15:27.750 --> 01:15:29.917
and coughing.

2409
01:15:31.542 --> 01:15:32.625
Not-- not terrible,

2410
01:15:32.708 --> 01:15:35.958
but the doctor just wants to do

2411
01:15:32.708 --> 01:15:35.958
a chest X-ray,

2412
01:15:36.042 --> 01:15:40.875
and Miriam,

2413
01:15:36.042 --> 01:15:40.875
she-- she remembers me.

2414
01:15:40.958 --> 01:15:42.958
And she says,

2415
01:15:40.958 --> 01:15:42.958
"You're from Wyoming, right?"

2416
01:15:43.042 --> 01:15:43.958
And I said, "Yeah."

2417
01:15:44.042 --> 01:15:46.250
And she says,

2418
01:15:44.042 --> 01:15:46.250
"So you weren't kidding."

2419
01:15:47.250 --> 01:15:49.417
(CHUCKLES)

2420
01:15:47.250 --> 01:15:49.417
And then I hand her a gown,

2421
01:15:49.500 --> 01:15:51.542
and then she says,

2422
01:15:49.500 --> 01:15:51.542
"Before this goes any further,

2423
01:15:51.625 --> 01:15:53.125
I need to ask you something.

2424
01:15:53.833 --> 01:15:55.292
Are you a Republican?"

2425
01:15:57.125 --> 01:15:59.500
And I said, um...

2426
01:15:59.583 --> 01:16:02.125
"No. Uh, I guess...

2427
01:16:03.167 --> 01:16:05.042
I guess I'm--

2428
01:16:03.167 --> 01:16:05.042
I'm an Independent."

2429
01:16:07.375 --> 01:16:11.292
And then she just stares at me

2430
01:16:07.375 --> 01:16:11.292
like Darth Vader

2431
01:16:11.375 --> 01:16:13.750
and just says, "Oy."

2432
01:16:13.833 --> 01:16:15.500
(CHUCKLES)

2433
01:16:15.583 --> 01:16:17.750
And I-- I ask her

2434
01:16:15.583 --> 01:16:17.750
what that means,

2435
01:16:17.833 --> 01:16:21.500
and she just says, "It means

2436
01:16:17.833 --> 01:16:21.500
that if you say that any louder,

2437
01:16:21.583 --> 01:16:24.042
everyone in the tri-state area

2438
01:16:21.583 --> 01:16:24.042
will kill you."

2439
01:16:25.833 --> 01:16:27.417
Her X-ray isn't good...

2440
01:16:28.708 --> 01:16:30.542
but she's not showing

2441
01:16:28.708 --> 01:16:30.542
any advanced symptoms,

2442
01:16:30.625 --> 01:16:33.083
but the doctor just wants to

2443
01:16:30.625 --> 01:16:33.083
find her a bed for observation

2444
01:16:33.167 --> 01:16:35.500
and start her on

2445
01:16:33.167 --> 01:16:35.500
this experimental protocol.

2446
01:16:37.000 --> 01:16:42.667
And she says, "You mean that--

2447
01:16:37.000 --> 01:16:42.667
that hydro-whatever-it-is?

2448
01:16:42.750 --> 01:16:44.500
That-- that Trump bullshit?"

2449
01:16:44.583 --> 01:16:46.958
And I said, "Yes, Miriam.

2450
01:16:47.042 --> 01:16:48.833
It says right here

2451
01:16:47.042 --> 01:16:48.833
on the IV drip,

2452
01:16:48.917 --> 01:16:53.125
'550 CCs of Trump Bullshit

2453
01:16:48.917 --> 01:16:53.125
every hour.'"

2454
01:16:53.208 --> 01:16:55.167
And then she says,

2455
01:16:53.208 --> 01:16:55.167
"Oh, it's just like Fox News."

2456
01:16:55.250 --> 01:16:57.292
And then I said, "Yeah, well,

2457
01:16:55.250 --> 01:16:57.292
maybe it'll start working."

2458
01:16:57.375 --> 01:16:59.333
And she says,

2459
01:16:57.375 --> 01:16:59.333
"And that's what his parents

2460
01:16:59.417 --> 01:17:00.583
said about Jared."

2461
01:17:03.500 --> 01:17:04.625
She's tough.

2462
01:17:06.208 --> 01:17:07.375
She's tough.

2463
01:17:08.542 --> 01:17:10.667
I told her, I said-- I said...

2464
01:17:12.333 --> 01:17:14.583
"I've never met

2465
01:17:12.333 --> 01:17:14.583
anyone like you."

2466
01:17:16.083 --> 01:17:17.875
And she says, "What, you mean--

2467
01:17:17.958 --> 01:17:19.708
you mean a strong,

2468
01:17:17.958 --> 01:17:19.708
independent woman?"

2469
01:17:19.792 --> 01:17:23.250
And I said, "No, so much Kleenex

2470
01:17:19.792 --> 01:17:23.250
in your purse."

2471
01:17:26.042 --> 01:17:28.625
(SIGHS) And then she--

2472
01:17:26.042 --> 01:17:28.625
she starts coughing,

2473
01:17:28.708 --> 01:17:31.458
and I-- I guess I-- I guess

2474
01:17:28.708 --> 01:17:31.458
I must've looked worried,

2475
01:17:31.542 --> 01:17:34.750
and she says, "Well,

2476
01:17:31.542 --> 01:17:34.750
let's hope it's cancer."

2477
01:17:34.833 --> 01:17:35.875
(LAUGHS)

2478
01:17:37.583 --> 01:17:41.333
We don't say shit like that

2479
01:17:37.583 --> 01:17:41.333
in Wyoming. (LAUGHS)

2480
01:17:44.542 --> 01:17:45.542
(SIGHS)

2481
01:17:47.708 --> 01:17:51.083
And the days are just getting

2482
01:17:47.708 --> 01:17:51.083
more and more insane.

2483
01:17:51.167 --> 01:17:53.792
The halls are filled

2484
01:17:51.167 --> 01:17:53.792
with patients on gurneys

2485
01:17:53.875 --> 01:17:55.125
waiting for beds.

2486
01:17:56.125 --> 01:17:57.708
We're all wearing more

2487
01:17:56.125 --> 01:17:57.708
and more PPE

2488
01:17:57.792 --> 01:17:59.958
when we can get it, and...

2489
01:18:01.833 --> 01:18:05.417
the whole hospital just looks

2490
01:18:01.833 --> 01:18:05.417
like a-- a cross between

2491
01:18:05.500 --> 01:18:08.750
a space station and--

2492
01:18:05.500 --> 01:18:08.750
and a subway.

2493
01:18:12.625 --> 01:18:16.792
Now we're all just trying

2494
01:18:12.625 --> 01:18:16.792
to hold it together 'cause...

2495
01:18:18.875 --> 01:18:21.000
that's what they taught us

2496
01:18:18.875 --> 01:18:21.000
in nursing school.

2497
01:18:22.958 --> 01:18:25.917
Do the job, provide comfort...

2498
01:18:29.792 --> 01:18:32.292
because if you start crying,

2499
01:18:29.792 --> 01:18:32.292
you'll never stop.

2500
01:18:36.417 --> 01:18:38.750
And one day,

2501
01:18:36.417 --> 01:18:38.750
we lose eight people.

2502
01:18:41.375 --> 01:18:45.708
The next day, it's 18, 27...

2503
01:18:49.583 --> 01:18:52.458
and the only thing

2504
01:18:49.583 --> 01:18:52.458
that's keeping me going is her.

2505
01:18:54.625 --> 01:18:55.583
Miriam.

2506
01:18:58.792 --> 01:19:00.083
Because she's stable,

2507
01:19:00.167 --> 01:19:03.292
and I-- I keep telling myself

2508
01:19:00.167 --> 01:19:03.292
she's gonna make it,

2509
01:19:03.375 --> 01:19:04.833
'cause people are making it.

2510
01:19:06.792 --> 01:19:08.917
And I-- I take her vitals

2511
01:19:06.792 --> 01:19:08.917
and she's--

2512
01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:10.875
she's got this terrible look

2513
01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:10.875
on her face,

2514
01:19:10.958 --> 01:19:13.042
and I ask,

2515
01:19:10.958 --> 01:19:13.042
"Miriam, what's wrong?"

2516
01:19:13.833 --> 01:19:15.000
And she points to the--

2517
01:19:15.083 --> 01:19:16.875
to the TV

2518
01:19:15.083 --> 01:19:16.875
hanging up on the wall.

2519
01:19:16.958 --> 01:19:21.333
And it's one of those

2520
01:19:16.958 --> 01:19:21.333
White House press briefings,

2521
01:19:21.417 --> 01:19:25.167
and the president's talking

2522
01:19:21.417 --> 01:19:25.167
about how great everything is,

2523
01:19:25.250 --> 01:19:27.583
and what an amazing job

2524
01:19:25.250 --> 01:19:27.583
he's doing.

2525
01:19:27.667 --> 01:19:30.167
And Miriam's wheezing,

2526
01:19:27.667 --> 01:19:30.167
and she says,

2527
01:19:30.250 --> 01:19:33.750
"I need Advil, the bedpan,

2528
01:19:30.250 --> 01:19:33.750
and a gun."

2529
01:19:33.833 --> 01:19:36.750
I just said, "Miriam,

2530
01:19:33.833 --> 01:19:36.750
we're-- we're turning this off,"

2531
01:19:36.833 --> 01:19:38.500
and she won't give me

2532
01:19:36.833 --> 01:19:38.500
the remote,

2533
01:19:38.583 --> 01:19:40.375
and then we both hear him

2534
01:19:38.583 --> 01:19:40.375
talking about

2535
01:19:40.458 --> 01:19:42.792
how we can maybe

2536
01:19:40.458 --> 01:19:42.792
start injecting ourselves

2537
01:19:42.875 --> 01:19:45.125
with-- with disinfectant

2538
01:19:42.875 --> 01:19:45.125
or bleach,

2539
01:19:45.208 --> 01:19:47.667
and she says,

2540
01:19:45.208 --> 01:19:47.667
"What is he talkin' about?

2541
01:19:47.750 --> 01:19:49.375
Is he talking

2542
01:19:47.750 --> 01:19:49.375
about cleaning products?

2543
01:19:49.458 --> 01:19:51.500
Is-- is it a Jewish disease?"

2544
01:19:49.458 --> 01:19:51.500
(CHUCKLES)

2545
01:19:51.583 --> 01:19:52.708
And then she tells me,

2546
01:19:52.792 --> 01:19:56.208
"I need 800 milligrams

2547
01:19:52.792 --> 01:19:56.208
of Lemon Pledge, stat."

2548
01:19:59.042 --> 01:20:01.750
And she starts coughing,

2549
01:19:59.042 --> 01:20:01.750
and I said,

2550
01:20:01.833 --> 01:20:04.750
"Miriam, you just need to--

2551
01:20:01.833 --> 01:20:04.750
you just need to calm down.

2552
01:20:04.833 --> 01:20:07.292
You-- you can't--

2553
01:20:04.833 --> 01:20:07.292
you can't watch him."

2554
01:20:07.375 --> 01:20:09.792
And she says,

2555
01:20:07.375 --> 01:20:09.792
"Don't you get it?

2556
01:20:09.875 --> 01:20:13.542
My rage is the only thing

2557
01:20:09.875 --> 01:20:13.542
that's keeping me alive."

2558
01:20:17.750 --> 01:20:20.875
The doctor comes in and we have

2559
01:20:17.750 --> 01:20:20.875
a conversation out in the hall

2560
01:20:20.958 --> 01:20:22.833
about putting Miriam

2561
01:20:20.958 --> 01:20:22.833
on a ventilator,

2562
01:20:22.917 --> 01:20:25.500
if we can even find one,

2563
01:20:25.583 --> 01:20:29.792
and I ask him if--

2564
01:20:25.583 --> 01:20:29.792
if, you know, maybe she's right.

2565
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:33.792
Maybe she just needs

2566
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:33.792
to keep talking.

2567
01:20:36.958 --> 01:20:39.375
And then, the next morning,

2568
01:20:36.958 --> 01:20:39.375
I get to the hospital

2569
01:20:39.458 --> 01:20:43.667
and there's a refrigerated truck

2570
01:20:39.458 --> 01:20:43.667
parked outside

2571
01:20:43.750 --> 01:20:46.167
because there are

2572
01:20:43.750 --> 01:20:46.167
so many bodies.

2573
01:20:48.833 --> 01:20:51.833
And I get to Miriam's room,

2574
01:20:48.833 --> 01:20:51.833
and she's doing a little better.

2575
01:20:53.208 --> 01:20:55.917
Her cough is intermittent,

2576
01:20:53.208 --> 01:20:55.917
she's sipping Pedialyte,

2577
01:20:56.833 --> 01:20:59.625
and she tells me, "Sharynn...

2578
01:21:01.125 --> 01:21:03.375
last night, I had a dream."

2579
01:21:03.458 --> 01:21:07.417
And she says that...

2580
01:21:03.458 --> 01:21:07.417
"I dreamed that when I woke up,

2581
01:21:08.167 --> 01:21:09.708
everything was different.

2582
01:21:10.458 --> 01:21:12.875
People were still sick, but...

2583
01:21:12.958 --> 01:21:16.208
everyone wasn't fighting

2584
01:21:12.958 --> 01:21:16.208
or calling each other names

2585
01:21:16.292 --> 01:21:19.208
or blaming everything

2586
01:21:16.292 --> 01:21:19.208
on the Chinese

2587
01:21:19.292 --> 01:21:22.458
or waving Confederate flags."

2588
01:21:19.292 --> 01:21:22.458
And I said...

2589
01:21:24.125 --> 01:21:27.292
"Well, in your-- in your dream,

2590
01:21:24.125 --> 01:21:27.292
who-- who was president?"

2591
01:21:27.375 --> 01:21:29.292
And she said, "Me." (CHUCKLES)

2592
01:21:29.375 --> 01:21:32.500
And then I just got so busy...

2593
01:21:32.583 --> 01:21:36.458
'cause we admitted 58 more

2594
01:21:32.583 --> 01:21:36.458
COVID patients in one day,

2595
01:21:36.542 --> 01:21:41.750
and I-- I didn't have time

2596
01:21:36.542 --> 01:21:41.750
to check in on Miriam...

2597
01:21:44.333 --> 01:21:46.500
because... (KISSES TEETH)

2598
01:21:46.583 --> 01:21:50.250
four nurses tested positive

2599
01:21:46.583 --> 01:21:50.250
and were quarantined.

2600
01:21:50.333 --> 01:21:52.458
I had one patient

2601
01:21:50.333 --> 01:21:52.458
that was giving birth...

2602
01:21:54.500 --> 01:21:57.083
and her husband wasn't allowed

2603
01:21:54.500 --> 01:21:57.083
in the delivery room,

2604
01:21:57.167 --> 01:22:00.042
and another patient was dying,

2605
01:22:00.125 --> 01:22:02.958
and I had to hold

2606
01:22:00.125 --> 01:22:02.958
the phone to his ear

2607
01:22:03.042 --> 01:22:05.750
so that his family could

2608
01:22:03.042 --> 01:22:05.750
tell him that they loved him.

2609
01:22:08.583 --> 01:22:11.333
And the only thing that was

2610
01:22:08.583 --> 01:22:11.333
getting me through it was...

2611
01:22:13.458 --> 01:22:14.458
her.

2612
01:22:17.042 --> 01:22:18.500
Like, Miriam's gonna make it...

2613
01:22:20.250 --> 01:22:22.167
'cause God wouldn't dare.

2614
01:22:25.500 --> 01:22:27.125
Then the next morning,

2615
01:22:25.500 --> 01:22:27.125
she's even better.

2616
01:22:27.208 --> 01:22:28.625
We don't need a ventilator.

2617
01:22:28.708 --> 01:22:31.833
And I asked the doctor

2618
01:22:28.708 --> 01:22:31.833
if she can be discharged,

2619
01:22:31.917 --> 01:22:34.750
and-- and he says,

2620
01:22:31.917 --> 01:22:34.750
"Yes, this afternoon."

2621
01:22:35.542 --> 01:22:37.667
And I tell myself, "Okay...

2622
01:22:37.750 --> 01:22:41.208
(INHALES)

2623
01:22:37.750 --> 01:22:41.208
This is what hope looks like."

2624
01:22:43.083 --> 01:22:47.875
Later, just-- just after 2:00,

2625
01:22:43.083 --> 01:22:47.875
I get to Miriam's room...

2626
01:22:48.958 --> 01:22:52.083
with a wheelchair,

2627
01:22:48.958 --> 01:22:52.083
and I'm picturing myself...

2628
01:22:53.500 --> 01:22:55.333
wheeling her

2629
01:22:53.500 --> 01:22:55.333
out the front door...

2630
01:22:56.625 --> 01:22:58.000
into the fresh air...

2631
01:23:02.500 --> 01:23:04.375
while everybody cheers.

2632
01:23:09.333 --> 01:23:11.083
But she's gone.

2633
01:23:13.417 --> 01:23:16.042
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

2634
01:23:16.917 --> 01:23:17.958
A stroke.

2635
01:23:25.250 --> 01:23:26.708
She couldn't breathe.

2636
01:23:28.667 --> 01:23:30.083
We tried everything.

2637
01:23:33.333 --> 01:23:36.083
I didn't even have enough time

2638
01:23:33.333 --> 01:23:36.083
to call her daughter in Seattle,

2639
01:23:36.167 --> 01:23:39.208
and she had a living will...

2640
01:23:41.625 --> 01:23:42.958
but I wasn't there.

2641
01:23:50.833 --> 01:23:52.417
I mean, I'm not her child.

2642
01:23:53.917 --> 01:23:55.917
I'm not her family. (SNIFFLES)

2643
01:23:58.208 --> 01:23:59.375
But I wasn't there.

2644
01:24:02.625 --> 01:24:05.000
(SNIFFLES) Uh...

2645
01:24:08.292 --> 01:24:10.458
(INHALES)

2646
01:24:08.292 --> 01:24:10.458
Over the next few weeks,

2647
01:24:10.542 --> 01:24:13.250
things got... things got better.

2648
01:24:14.667 --> 01:24:16.500
Fewer COVID patients. (SNIFFLES)

2649
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:19.042
Less death.

2650
01:24:20.458 --> 01:24:22.083
They shut down

2651
01:24:20.458 --> 01:24:22.083
the Javits Center...

2652
01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:26.792
and the navy hospital ship left,

2653
01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:26.792
and, uh...

2654
01:24:28.417 --> 01:24:29.958
tomorrow, I'm going home.

2655
01:24:33.667 --> 01:24:35.958
(SNIFFLES) I, uh...

2656
01:24:38.083 --> 01:24:41.917
I met Miriam's daughter,

2657
01:24:38.083 --> 01:24:41.917
and she's so sweet. (SNIFFLES)

2658
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:47.500
She gave me Miriam's bracelet,

2659
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:47.500
a<i> Playbill,</i>

2660
01:24:47.583 --> 01:24:51.208
and a tote bag

2661
01:24:47.583 --> 01:24:51.208
for Planned Parenthood.

2662
01:24:52.917 --> 01:24:55.667
(SNIFFLES) And she said

2663
01:24:52.917 --> 01:24:55.667
if Miriam was a Pharaoh,

2664
01:24:56.792 --> 01:24:58.708
that's what would be

2665
01:24:56.792 --> 01:24:58.708
in her pyramid.

2666
01:25:00.208 --> 01:25:05.000
And I ask her what she thinks

2667
01:25:00.208 --> 01:25:05.000
is gonna be on her tombstone...

2668
01:25:06.250 --> 01:25:07.542
and she thought about it.

2669
01:25:09.583 --> 01:25:13.167
And then at exactly

2670
01:25:09.583 --> 01:25:13.167
the same time...

2671
01:25:14.250 --> 01:25:17.458
we both said, "Fuck you."

2672
01:25:17.542 --> 01:25:21.500
(CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES)

2673
01:25:28.333 --> 01:25:31.708
(INHALES) I keep thinking

2674
01:25:28.333 --> 01:25:31.708
about ways I can honor her

2675
01:25:32.417 --> 01:25:33.792
and what would suit her.

2676
01:25:37.125 --> 01:25:38.458
And what would she want?

2677
01:25:40.875 --> 01:25:42.500
And I think

2678
01:25:40.875 --> 01:25:42.500
I've figured it out...

2679
01:25:44.875 --> 01:25:47.375
but I'm gonna keep it

2680
01:25:44.875 --> 01:25:47.375
between Miriam and me.

2681
01:25:48.792 --> 01:25:50.083
But I'll give you a hint.

2682
01:25:52.917 --> 01:25:54.417
I'm not voting Independent.

2683
01:25:58.833 --> 01:26:01.958
♪ ("THE END OF THE WORLD"

2684
01:25:58.833 --> 01:26:01.958
BY SHARON VAN ETTEN PLAYING) ♪

2685
01:26:06.333 --> 01:26:12.542
<i>♪ Why does the sun</i>

2686
01:26:06.333 --> 01:26:12.542
<i>Go on shining? ♪</i>

2687
01:26:13.958 --> 01:26:19.625
<i>♪ Why does the sea</i>

2688
01:26:13.958 --> 01:26:19.625
<i>Rush to shore? ♪</i>

2689
01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:28.625
<i>♪ Don't they know</i>

2690
01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:28.625
<i>It's the end of the world? ♪</i>

2691
01:26:28.708 --> 01:26:34.375
<i>♪ 'Cause you don't</i>

2692
01:26:28.708 --> 01:26:34.375
<i>Love me anymore ♪</i>

2693
01:26:36.500 --> 01:26:42.708
<i>♪ Why do the birds</i>

2694
01:26:36.500 --> 01:26:42.708
<i>Go on singing? ♪</i>

2695
01:26:44.125 --> 01:26:50.417
<i>♪ Why do the stars glow above? ♪</i>

2696
01:26:51.667 --> 01:26:59.000
<i>♪ Don't they know</i>

2697
01:26:51.667 --> 01:26:59.000
<i>It's the end of the world? ♪</i>

2698
01:26:59.083 --> 01:27:05.167
<i>♪ It ended</i>

2699
01:26:59.083 --> 01:27:05.167
<i>When I lost your love ♪</i>

2700
01:27:09.792 --> 01:27:11.958
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪