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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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(slides shuffle)

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(dramatic music)

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(suction)

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(typing)

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(keyboard clacking)

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("Hall of the Mountain King")

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(music crescendos)

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(music accelerates)

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(music accelerates)

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(music ends)

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(laughs excitedly)

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(coughs)

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(laughs)

16
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- I finally got Comic-Con tickets.

17
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,340
I can't believe it.

18
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,264
Jethro, my man,

19
00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:23,654
you've done it! (laughs)

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This is gonna be my first time ever.

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I can even take Pam.

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00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,094
Boy, (rubs hands together)
this is great news.

23
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,290
Oh, but I've got even better news.

24
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,704
I finally found a guy
to take out my kidney.

25
00:03:36,770 --> 00:03:39,064
Guy should be on his way here pretty soon.

26
00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:40,814
(laughs)

27
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,230
I got tickets to Comic-Con.

28
00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:45,380
I can't believe it.

29
00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:48,450
Oh, I gotta go.
I gotta go fill my bathtub with ice.

30
00:03:49,170 --> 00:03:50,820
Comic-Con!

31
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:56,390
- So my boyfriend finally got us
tickets to Comic-Con!

32
00:03:56,710 --> 00:03:58,370
Yes, he's my boyfriend now.

33
00:03:58,700 --> 00:03:59,804
I have a certain type.

34
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:03,080
I only find guys attractive
who have tickets to Comic-Con.

35
00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:06,284
New York Comic Con,

36
00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:08,350
Baltimore Comic-Con.

37
00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:11,550
Great Comic-Con at Abu Dhabi.

38
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,774
(slurps from straw)

39
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,514
Comic Con in Michigan.

40
00:04:15,580 --> 00:04:17,580
Anyways,

41
00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:20,074
I once dated a guy who had tickets to
Rhode Island Comic Con,

42
00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:21,624
and let me tell you,

43
00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:23,690
that is definitely not the smallest state.

44
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:27,374
So my sister makes some fun of me,
it's okay.

45
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,004
But...

46
00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:34,500
Jethro and I have tickets
to San Diego 2020!

47
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,600
And who knows?

48
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This might be love.
(clears throat)

49
00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:43,790
(coughs)

50
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,700
- My sister's taking me to Comic-Con,

51
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:50,090
with her makeshift boyfriend, Jethro.

52
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:54,720
I'm only going because
I've never been to San Diego.

53
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:58,500
And I'm a huge Walking Dead fan.

54
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It's the funniest show on television,

55
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next to Westworld.

56
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:10,074
Anyhow, when she told us at Thanksgiving,

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she made Jethro buy me a ticket.

58
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:15,850
I was so excited.

59
00:05:18,770 --> 00:05:23,360
My boyfriend, Swift, however,
wasn't, but whatever.

60
00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:25,650
I was gonna dump him anyway.

61
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:31,540
Hell, maybe I'll find some
pimple-faced hottie while I'm there.

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One never knows.

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(startles awake)

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(grunts)

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(coughs)

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00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:41,790
- Hey, this is Swift.

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Comin' at ya from my mom's basement.

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So, my girlfriend is cheating on me,

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00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:53,340
with a comic-book-reading,

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cosplay-wearing son of a jerk.

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00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:05,150
Listen, I worked hard for all this, okay?

72
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,394
See this?

73
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,020
Yeah, you do.

74
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,904
Yeah, you do.

75
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,174
Okay?

76
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,420
It's not for sale!

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(sighs deeply)

78
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,430
Where... where did I go wrong?

79
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:23,170
I've got to get her back.

80
00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:26,794
I am nothing, I'm...

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00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:28,860
a shell,

82
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,140
inside another shell,

83
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,214
inside a...

84
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,280
a macaroni shell?

85
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:41,474
I need to find the geekiest,

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smelliest person I know.

87
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I know!

88
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:51,664
Byron!

89
00:06:51,730 --> 00:06:53,934
- Well, uh, a comic book can be anything.

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00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,010
Uh, it could be a humor publication,

91
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,204
it could be dramatic,

92
00:06:59,270 --> 00:07:02,260
it could be science fiction
or about magic.

93
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Uh, or about elves.

94
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,734
Uh, I love comic books.

95
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Every year I go to
San Diego for Comic-Con.

96
00:07:10,470 --> 00:07:12,660
And let me tell you,
it's a dream come true.

97
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,000
Uh, there's this guy, uh, Swift.

98
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:20,580
He wants me to teach him to be more geeky.

99
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,484
Uh, he used to give me wedgies.

100
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Painful wedgies.

101
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:27,680
But, the tides have turned.

102
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I even have a girlfriend.

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- Hi!

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I'm Byron's girlfriend, Susie.

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(giggles awkwardly)

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I-I'm Susie.

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Um, sorry,
I've never been on camera before.

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(laughs nervously)

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Uh, I love comics,

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and this year is going to be
my first Comic-Con ever!

111
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:57,630
Byron got me Comic-Con tickets
for Christmas.

112
00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,714
I got him a blender
from the Salvation Army.

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It was two dollars!
(giggles awkwardly)

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I think I'm into girls.

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I met this girl from San Diego,

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and we're gonna hook up

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while Byron's at the Animaniacs panel.

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(giggles awkwardly)

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(gasps)
Wait.

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He's not gonna see this, is he?

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- I met a girl on the internet.

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I think I'm in love.

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00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:35,530
I imagine she smells like strawberries

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mixed with Ben & Jerry's

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Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.

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It's a very specific smell.

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The only downside?

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(sighs) She's a comic book geek.

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She's coming to San Diego this summer,

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for Comic-Con 2020.

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(sighs)

132
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,700
She's so cute, though.

133
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:05,000
(sighs) I can't stand comic book people!

134
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:08,980
Every summer, they descend
upon San Diego like a

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00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,844
swarm of pre-pubescent locusts looking to

136
00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:16,180
score a plush doll?

137
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She's, like, real neat.

138
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,400
But...

139
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:24,690
But I... I think I love her.

140
00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:28,704
Anyway,

141
00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:30,604
it's New Year's Eve.

142
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:34,060
It's time to say goodbye to 2019.

143
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,450
Oh, it's 2020 in ten,

144
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:38,974
nine,

145
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,254
eight,

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00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,644
seven,

147
00:09:41,710 --> 00:09:42,994
six,

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00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,304
five,

149
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:45,614
four,

150
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:46,864
three,

151
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:48,304
two,

152
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,304
one. H...

153
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:53,490
- My roommate hates me
because I am a comic book fan.

154
00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:55,384
Yeah, she does.

155
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:57,014
One night, while I was sleeping,

156
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,894
she took my Superman figure
from the mantle and tore it apart

157
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,394
and taped it to the fridge.

158
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:04,360
It had a note on it that said:
"You're next."

159
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,194
She denied it.

160
00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:08,940
I can never prove it was her,
so I dropped it.

161
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:12,244
Of course, we are the only two people
living in this apartment,

162
00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:14,574
so unless it's my hamster Mr. Crinkles,

163
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,430
I'm blaming her.

164
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:17,724
Comic-Con's coming those nights,

165
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,160
and let me tell you how excited I am.

166
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,544
This will mark my 20th year.

167
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:23,914
21st if you count the time

168
00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:26,090
I was in my mother's stomach as a zygote.

169
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,600
That's right, my mama and papa
went to Comic-Con.

170
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,214
Whole family did, in fact.

171
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,844
Even my sister, Lynn.

172
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,910
She hates comic books.

173
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Except Batman.

174
00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:39,280
She absolutely loves Batman.

175
00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:42,130
- Shoom! (laughs)

176
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:46,890
Batman was created by
Bill Finger and Bob Kane.

177
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:51,730
He's one of the most relatable
characters in history.

178
00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:54,274
Mostly because, if you work hard enough,

179
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:57,210
you could actually be Batman.

180
00:10:57,540 --> 00:10:58,694
It's haveable.

181
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,594
I mean, he has a kind of attitude, and

182
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:05,864
honestly probably should've
never gone into crime-fighting

183
00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:09,780
and given everyone, like, a million bucks.

184
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,170
Kinda short-sighted, but...

185
00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:14,590
that costume!

186
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,744
Oh, I mean, it's sexy as...

187
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,744
- What's my name?

188
00:11:19,810 --> 00:11:21,744
You know my name.

189
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,744
I am vengeance.

190
00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,744
I am the night.

191
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,750
I am... Batman!

192
00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,564
Do I like wearing the suit?

193
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,564
Sometimes.

194
00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:37,420
It does chafe sometimes, to be honest.

195
00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:43,220
And I got some itching in the
lower back area, but...

196
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,644
but I take it!

197
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:47,710
Like a superhero.

198
00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,584
They ask me,

199
00:11:50,650 --> 00:11:53,770
"Does it get lonely on patrol?"

200
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,080
Yeah, yeah, I get lonely.

201
00:11:56,850 --> 00:12:00,330
Those long nights by yourself.

202
00:12:00,610 --> 00:12:04,830
That's why I hired a live-in partner...

203
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,170
in crime.

204
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,440
Wait, wait, uh, that came out wrong.

205
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,950
Is that a Superman hat you're wearing?

206
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,860
Do you like Superman better than me?

207
00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:20,920
Are you going to leave me for Clark?

208
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,880
- Really, red, white and blue
underwear, Batman?

209
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:29,710
His Fortress of Solitude is so much bigger

210
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,150
than the Batcave.

211
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,550
- That hurts, Robin.

212
00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:44,370
Well, we... we have time for
one more question.

213
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,480
That's right, uh...

214
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:50,704
Oh, how do I go to the bathroom
in the costume?

215
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,510
Well, uh, (chuckles) let me tell you.

216
00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:55,914
I don't.

217
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:58,090
- You have to love superheroes.

218
00:12:58,170 --> 00:12:59,974
They bring people together.

219
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,184
Conventions are a big celebration

220
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,450
with like-minded individuals.

221
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,340
So we can all connect,
and it's a beautiful thing.

222
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,310
All these people and nobody's fighting.

223
00:13:10,570 --> 00:13:12,570
They're all just getting along.

224
00:13:13,770 --> 00:13:16,390
You know, I met my husband
at a convention.

225
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,780
He likes to dress as Aquaman.

226
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,964
- Uh, hello?

227
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:24,580
- He looks hot in his Aquaman outfit,

228
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:27,650
but honestly,

229
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:31,010
I would love it if he dressed
as Felix the Cat.

230
00:13:31,670 --> 00:13:33,670
Hmm.

231
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:37,510
Yeah, rock that Felix outfit.

232
00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:40,884
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

233
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:44,400
- My wife wants me to cosplay
as Felix the Cat.

234
00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:47,930
She bought me a furry costume
and black and white hair dye.

235
00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:50,960
I'm not doin' it, I'm a man.

236
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,950
I'm not, you know, a cat.

237
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,150
Can you imagine it?

238
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,844
Oh, man.

239
00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:59,354
You know, what would I be doin', like,

240
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,420
slinking around the house?

241
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:04,004
It's like, I don't even know Felix the Cat,

242
00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:06,070
I don't know what he does.

243
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:07,354
(sighs)

244
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:08,734
It'd be like...

245
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,064
I don't know, I'd need to hire a

246
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:13,130
drama coach or something.

247
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,480
Oh, man.

248
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,084
Oh, man.

249
00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:18,614
Oh, god.

250
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:19,904
I'm gonna have to do it.

251
00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:25,344
- My coworker put pictures of himself
dressed up like Felix the Cat online,

252
00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:28,750
and they were pretty good.

253
00:14:29,030 --> 00:14:30,354
I gotta admit,

254
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:35,790
they were better than those jokers
that was in that Cats film.

255
00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:39,630
I don't know what that film was about,

256
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,644
but after we watched it,

257
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:46,120
suddenly my husband wants to have kids.

258
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:52,280
I guess I'll be seeing my coworker
at this year's Comic-Con.

259
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:55,494
My husband has been wanting to go

260
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,930
for ten years.

261
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:09,800
He did some unsavory things
to get those tickets.

262
00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:14,550
And I let him, dammit!

263
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:19,520
(sobs) I let him, and it caused a rift.

264
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,100
Oh my god.

265
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:25,210
What have I done?

266
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,150
(Miranda sobs)
- I signed up for a buying group.

267
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:33,320
People who buy tickets to the Comic-Con.

268
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,470
And that is when my life went to hell.

269
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:40,560
I found myself delivering packaging,

270
00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,394
being questioned by the NSA, the CIA,

271
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:46,730
the NBA, the ASPCA, and NASA.

272
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,774
It hasn't been a good time.

273
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,590
But by gum, I scored Comic-Con tickets.

274
00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:53,514
That's right,

275
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:57,500
I also had to...

276
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,890
donate a kidney?

277
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,470
(alarm blares)

278
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,284
- (Announcer) Remember, kids,

279
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:06,964
selling your kidney on the black market

280
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:09,660
does not guarantee you Comic-Con tickets.

281
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:13,420
But it might. Yeah.

282
00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:18,740
- (Roger voiceover) Don't tell my wife.

283
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,660
She thought I was on a business trip.

284
00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:28,070
- I'm the leader of an
internet buying group for Comic-Con.

285
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:32,070
I have the fastest computer
processors at my disposal.

286
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:36,880
I work a job that allows me
to use the processors.

287
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,510
I won't say what it is,

288
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,040
but I work for the government.

289
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:45,664
I'll give you a hint.

290
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:48,410
It rhymes with P.I. Day.

291
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,720
I love puzzles.

292
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:55,750
Anyhow, I have to go to
Comic-Con every year.

293
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,574
It's a passion of mine.

294
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,640
It's a passion of my brother's too.

295
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,040
He too works for the CIA.

296
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,774
- Yeah, my sister and I work for the CIA.

297
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,000
We just abuse our power every year
to get tickets to Comic-Con.

298
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,084
I mean, who's gonna stop us?

299
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,430
We'd be the first people
to investigate it.

300
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,284
Who's really gonna tell on us?
(scoffs)

301
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,284
Nobody.

302
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:18,404
Hey, did you, um...

303
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:20,710
did you hear about this virus
over in China?

304
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,364
Yeah, my wife keeps talkin' about it, bro.

305
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:25,554
For whatever reason,

306
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:27,684
there's, like, mass hysteria
with the media.

307
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,544
They keep saying it's not if, it's when,

308
00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:30,614
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

309
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:34,070
I'm just tired of hearin' about it
at this point.

310
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,450
Yeah, man, I mean, they'll,
they'll figure it out.

311
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,784
Hey listen, actually, I gotta go,
I'm on the clock,

312
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,564
but I just found this website, right,

313
00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:45,110
they have a ton of
illegally-downloaded movies.

314
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:47,874
If I sell them,
I can flip it for a profit.

315
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:48,754
I do that too.

316
00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:51,484
Power's pretty sweet sometimes,
dude, I really gotta say.

317
00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:53,224
You gotta get a federal agent job.

318
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:55,290
Pay's not great, but

319
00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:58,100
I mean, you find other ways to make money.

320
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,210
It's some pretty sick perks.

321
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,514
Is that thing on?

322
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:12,544
Oh, sh...

323
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:15,760
- There's this virus that's
wreaking havoc in China, and...

324
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,544
(sighs)

325
00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:20,390
I'm watching on the news,
and I'm terrified of it.

326
00:18:21,710 --> 00:18:26,500
I know it's only the end of January, but

327
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:31,940
if I don't get my chance
to meet Tom Hiddleston

328
00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:35,530
and tell him how much I love him, (kiss)

329
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,500
then I'm going to kidnap him,

330
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:44,830
and I'm gonna make him wear
the Loki outfit from the Avengers films.

331
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,160
I found this costume online.

332
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,620
Yeah, it's his size.

333
00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:51,950
I bribed his assistant.

334
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,900
And then, I'm gonna make him dinner,

335
00:18:57,580 --> 00:19:01,760
and I'm going to wear that nice dress
my best friend made for me.

336
00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:05,690
And he better tell me
how pretty I look in it.

337
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:11,250
(sighs) So, yeah.

338
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:13,910
This Comic-Con has got to happen.

339
00:19:14,590 --> 00:19:18,640
'Cause I need my Tom Hiddleston sandwich.

340
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:22,280
His Asgard is mine.

341
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:25,590
What?

342
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,860
Oh, yeah.

343
00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:32,400
I hope my husband has a good time too.

344
00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:36,084
- Yeah, my friend Cindy is

345
00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:38,084
really obsessed with Tom Hiddleston.

346
00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:40,384
Like, really obsessed.

347
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:43,194
I mean, she sat through
the Hank Williams biopic

348
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:44,704
I Saw the Light.

349
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,134
That's obsession.

350
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,020
Tom Hiddleston hasn't even
sat through that picture.

351
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,030
Anyway, she's going to Comic-Con
in San Diego this year.

352
00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:56,394
Large crowds,

353
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:58,960
sweaty, unwashed people.

354
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,520
Not my thing.

355
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:03,680
Well, not my simple husband.

356
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:07,080
(sighs) Oh, Stanley.

357
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:11,180
Still, I wonder,

358
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,264
what is it like?

359
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:17,560
Is it true that the streets of San Diego
are paved with gold?

360
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,520
I have heard there are
celebrities everywhere,

361
00:20:20,630 --> 00:20:23,070
as far as the eye can see.

362
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:26,190
And fun, and deals,

363
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:29,144
and events, and panels, and swag,

364
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,574
and all sorts of art
and artists and writers,

365
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,384
and it's all leaving me
to make one simple decision,

366
00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:35,890
and that is, I am getting a divorce.

367
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,050
- So, my wife wants a divorce.

368
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:42,680
I've been nothing but accommodating.

369
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:45,190
I got her Comic-Con tickets.

370
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,784
I even got her a VIP

371
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:50,350
picture with some guy named
Tom Hiddleschmuck.

372
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:54,180
I think he plays
Captain Universe or some crap.

373
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,834
My wife showed me some pictures of him,

374
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:58,890
and I did a little bit of
online research myself, I mean...

375
00:21:00,950 --> 00:21:03,544
I gotta say, while I'm totally straight,

376
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,880
there's somethin' about that
Hiddleschmuck guy.

377
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:11,730
Ooh, those gorgeous eyes,
that devilish smile. (laughs)

378
00:21:12,550 --> 00:21:14,264
You know what I'm talkin' about.

379
00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:15,614
That incredible ass!

380
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,400
Now, I'm not gonna mince words.

381
00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:20,644
I'd like to get him pregnant.

382
00:21:20,710 --> 00:21:24,070
I wanna be his Asgardian,
if you know what I mean.

383
00:21:24,510 --> 00:21:27,140
But what do you get a Hiddleschmuck
when you want to marry one?

384
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:29,154
An Infinity Gauntlet.

385
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:32,560
Does an Infinity Gauntlet
mean you're, like, engaged?

386
00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:34,744
I don't know.

387
00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:38,370
But I do know
that I'm taking the pic op for myself.

388
00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:40,374
Romance is in the air,

389
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,080
and Happy Valentine's Day to me.

390
00:21:43,580 --> 00:21:45,580
- Hmm.

391
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,440
Well, you can't fix stupid.

392
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:53,080
I had a friend of mine who had a saying:

393
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,720
Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

394
00:21:57,730 --> 00:21:59,354
That guy,

395
00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:01,420
that palooka,

396
00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:03,524
he is one such person.

397
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:05,110
(chuckles)

398
00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:06,920
Oh, well.

399
00:22:07,010 --> 00:22:09,010
Back to the drawing board.

400
00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:11,444
I got worlds to create.

401
00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:13,510
Hmm.

402
00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:16,454
- We're goin' to Comic-Con!

403
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,330
I'm so excited,
I am a huge Jack Kirby fan.

404
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,440
My boyfriend got me into this stuff.

405
00:22:22,580 --> 00:22:25,670
Jack Kirby is the king of comics.

406
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:28,770
All this Marvel stuff? That's him.

407
00:22:28,950 --> 00:22:33,000
Anyone who says Stan Lee
created it by himself,

408
00:22:33,130 --> 00:22:35,130
they can go pound sand.

409
00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:36,544
Don't get me wrong,

410
00:22:36,610 --> 00:22:38,324
Stan Lee's a great guy,

411
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:41,700
he deserves his place
in the history of comics,

412
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,800
but Kirby is the backbone,

413
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,514
the foundation.

414
00:22:46,580 --> 00:22:50,850
It all came from his pencil.

415
00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:55,150
It's crazy what you can do with a pencil.

416
00:22:55,740 --> 00:23:00,230
Draw, write, create.

417
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,100
Create history.

418
00:23:04,020 --> 00:23:06,584
Creation is everything.

419
00:23:06,650 --> 00:23:08,584
- It's Valentine's Day!

420
00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:10,124
I'm surprising my girlfriend with

421
00:23:10,190 --> 00:23:13,124
Emerald City Comic Con
and WonderCon tickets.

422
00:23:13,190 --> 00:23:16,580
She says she's going to buy me
masks for Valentine's Day.

423
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:19,040
Ha, ha, she's such a kidder.

424
00:23:19,170 --> 00:23:20,604
She's a nurse.

425
00:23:20,670 --> 00:23:22,670
Nurse humor, I guess.

426
00:23:22,910 --> 00:23:26,324
Anyway, we're going to start
the Marvel movies from the beginning,

427
00:23:26,390 --> 00:23:28,390
starting with Captain America.

428
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:29,744
No, no, no, no, no.

429
00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:31,234
Not the recent one.

430
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:35,024
I'm talking about the 1944
Republic Pictures one.

431
00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:37,550
And we are doing everything,

432
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:39,660
even Howard the Duck.

433
00:23:40,390 --> 00:23:42,960
Especially Howard the Duck.

434
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:46,470
The only Marvel movie
that almost turned me straight.

435
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,780
(sighs) Quack, quack.

436
00:23:54,430 --> 00:23:56,430
(sighs)

437
00:23:56,980 --> 00:23:58,914
- Yeah, so,

438
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:02,600
I got my girlfriend masks
for Valentine's Day.

439
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,890
I don't really do romantic gifts.

440
00:24:09,050 --> 00:24:10,334
(chuckles)

441
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,400
Like, this one year,

442
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,524
I got my ex-girlfriend

443
00:24:14,590 --> 00:24:17,390
a whisk for her birthday.

444
00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:22,300
I mean, who doesn't love a whisk?

445
00:24:22,870 --> 00:24:24,134
Well...

446
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,604
she whisked me away.

447
00:24:26,670 --> 00:24:28,004
(scoffs)

448
00:24:28,070 --> 00:24:30,384
Yeah, so, uh...(sighs)

449
00:24:30,450 --> 00:24:33,350
I'm not really good at jokes, either.

450
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,394
So...

451
00:24:36,460 --> 00:24:41,630
my girlfriend thinks that going to
Comic Cons will lighten me up.

452
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,334
(scoffs)

453
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,280
But, see...

454
00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:47,640
I've been watching the news,

455
00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:51,660
and there's somethin' headed this way.

456
00:24:52,730 --> 00:24:54,474
Somethin'...

457
00:24:54,540 --> 00:24:57,600
none of us have seen in our lifetimes.

458
00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:00,334
So, yeah.

459
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,110
I... I bought her masks.

460
00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:07,820
If a virus wasn't headed this way,

461
00:25:09,130 --> 00:25:11,130
it'd be toilet paper.

462
00:25:12,650 --> 00:25:13,934
See?

463
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,000
Usin' my brain.

464
00:25:17,510 --> 00:25:20,220
Masks are gonna become scarce,

465
00:25:20,330 --> 00:25:22,330
but toilet paper?

466
00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:24,400
It's forever.

467
00:25:24,470 --> 00:25:26,144
- Comic book history is gonna end,

468
00:25:26,210 --> 00:25:28,210
at least for a little bit.

469
00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:29,634
Don't believe me?

470
00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:32,664
America just reported
its first case of Coronavirus,

471
00:25:32,730 --> 00:25:35,910
and they're already talking about
canceling Emerald City Comic Con.

472
00:25:36,190 --> 00:25:38,600
If that happens, WonderCon's gonna follow.

473
00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:40,434
And if they don't get this taken care of,

474
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,930
San Diego Comic-Con will be canceled,

475
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:44,814
mark my words.

476
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,150
I've already got my cosplay
picked out for it.

477
00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:50,394
I'm gonna be a War Boy
from Mad Max: Fury Road,

478
00:25:50,460 --> 00:25:52,214
except for real.

479
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,590
'Cause the world is goin' to hell!

480
00:25:54,660 --> 00:25:56,174
(shirt rips)
What a day!

481
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,700
What a lovely day!
(laughs maniacally)

482
00:26:00,130 --> 00:26:02,790
- They canceled Emerald City Comic Con.

483
00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:05,184
What is happening?!

484
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:07,274
I had so many things planned.

485
00:26:07,340 --> 00:26:09,274
I finally ponied up the money

486
00:26:09,340 --> 00:26:11,184
to get a photo with Mark Ruffalo.

487
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:13,250
You know, the Hulk?

488
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:16,850
No, not Lou Ferrigno, what?

489
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,590
(laughs) No, not... not Ed Norton.

490
00:26:22,030 --> 00:26:24,240
No, not... Eric Bana?

491
00:26:24,330 --> 00:26:25,564
No, no, no.

492
00:26:25,630 --> 00:26:27,630
You know, the Hulk.

493
00:26:29,450 --> 00:26:31,754
Not Michael... Michael Keaton?

494
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,820
(sighs) The Hulk.

495
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:36,060
Mark Ruffalo, you know, he's like...

496
00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:38,960
earthy and... and farts granola!

497
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,334
Yes, him!

498
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,314
(sighs)

499
00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:44,884
Now I'm gonna have to stay home
with my roommate, Karen,

500
00:26:44,950 --> 00:26:47,294
and she's gloating about the cancellation.

501
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,540
She's just acting like...

502
00:26:49,850 --> 00:26:51,604
She's acting like a Karen!

503
00:26:51,670 --> 00:26:55,750
- I'm glad they canceled
Emerald City Comic Con.

504
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,744
My roommate, Lisa,

505
00:26:57,810 --> 00:26:59,744
she was s'posed to go.

506
00:26:59,810 --> 00:27:03,020
But alas, they canceled it.

507
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,214
Good, is what I say.

508
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,700
I hate comic books.

509
00:27:08,830 --> 00:27:12,650
I make my boyfriend hate comic books.

510
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:15,590
What I do like

511
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:18,620
is water polo!

512
00:27:19,050 --> 00:27:22,460
I love water polo!

513
00:27:23,710 --> 00:27:25,710
This Coronavirus

514
00:27:25,790 --> 00:27:29,280
better not cancel water polo.

515
00:27:29,690 --> 00:27:33,150
I swear to God,

516
00:27:33,350 --> 00:27:36,470
if water polo gets canceled,

517
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:42,200
I'm gonna have to speak
to the Coronavirus manager!

518
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,730
I will sue Wuhan.

519
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:49,780
I swear,

520
00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:53,030
I will sue China!

521
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,110
And if Ireland doesn't watch out,

522
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:58,300
they'll be next.

523
00:27:58,830 --> 00:27:59,924
I'll sue,

524
00:27:59,990 --> 00:28:03,504
and I'll get that Barney Rubble Stone,

525
00:28:03,570 --> 00:28:06,074
and I'll put it on my front porch,

526
00:28:06,140 --> 00:28:08,934
and y'all can come to my house

527
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,000
and kiss it.

528
00:28:11,110 --> 00:28:15,210
Y'all can come and kiss my grits.

529
00:28:17,660 --> 00:28:19,660
I'm hungry.

530
00:28:21,220 --> 00:28:23,220
Hmm.

531
00:28:23,590 --> 00:28:25,590
Maybe I'm pregnant.

532
00:28:26,210 --> 00:28:28,560
- I secretly buy comics.

533
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,860
My family, my friends,

534
00:28:30,970 --> 00:28:32,734
my wife doesn't even know.

535
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,474
I bought a storage locker,

536
00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:37,040
and every Saturday morning,
instead of work,

537
00:28:37,370 --> 00:28:39,234
I go to the storage locker

538
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:41,300
and read the week's comics.

539
00:28:42,010 --> 00:28:43,434
I'm so sad.

540
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:47,750
I bought a ticket to San Diego,
only a Thursday pass,

541
00:28:47,860 --> 00:28:50,474
but they just canceled
Emerald City Comic Con.

542
00:28:50,540 --> 00:28:52,234
Can WonderCon be next?

543
00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:53,524
I hope not.

544
00:28:53,590 --> 00:28:56,304
If that happens, San Diego is next,

545
00:28:56,370 --> 00:28:58,984
and if that happens,
San Diego will be canceled,

546
00:28:59,050 --> 00:29:00,454
and then I'll never be able

547
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,564
to become best friends with Joss Whedon

548
00:29:02,630 --> 00:29:07,224
and tell him why Alien Resurrection
is clearly the best in the series,

549
00:29:07,290 --> 00:29:09,550
and Firefly will never come back.

550
00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:12,184
It's just, it's, it's too much,

551
00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:14,250
too much for me to think, too much...

552
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,600
(sighs) My anxiety.

553
00:29:19,010 --> 00:29:20,794
I think I need more TP.

554
00:29:20,860 --> 00:29:22,860
- They canceled WonderCon.

555
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:24,884
I'm in shock.

556
00:29:24,950 --> 00:29:26,204
Things are looking dark.

557
00:29:26,270 --> 00:29:28,640
Like, Robert Pattinson as Batman dark.

558
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,144
Did you see the first footage they showed?

559
00:29:31,210 --> 00:29:32,934
Like, turn on a light.

560
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,330
Didn't that guy sparkle
in a movie or something?

561
00:29:36,790 --> 00:29:38,920
(sighs) San Diego's next.

562
00:29:39,210 --> 00:29:41,144
We all know this.

563
00:29:41,210 --> 00:29:43,210
Coronavirus can't be stopped.

564
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,600
It's like when Seth Rogen did that

565
00:29:45,750 --> 00:29:47,254
Green Hornet movie.

566
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,660
You can't stop it from coming out,

567
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:53,000
but you get free movie passes,
and you're, like,

568
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,240
"Okay, sure.

569
00:29:55,310 --> 00:29:58,360
Seth Rogen was okay
in Knocked Up."

570
00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:00,660
And then you watch the movie.

571
00:30:01,410 --> 00:30:04,530
And then, suddenly, you can't have kids.

572
00:30:05,690 --> 00:30:09,310
You tell yourself it's not
because of the Green Hornet movie,

573
00:30:09,470 --> 00:30:13,120
but deep down, you know it is.

574
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,930
And then you spiral down.

575
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:18,364
It's been interesting.

576
00:30:18,430 --> 00:30:20,700
You wake up every morning,

577
00:30:20,810 --> 00:30:22,810
you see dead people.

578
00:30:23,450 --> 00:30:26,930
You, uh...(chuckles sadly)

579
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,780
can suddenly read minds?

580
00:30:30,270 --> 00:30:32,270
And deep down,

581
00:30:32,530 --> 00:30:35,910
deep down, you know what's next.

582
00:30:36,230 --> 00:30:38,890
- They're going to cancel
San Diego Comic-Con?

583
00:30:39,070 --> 00:30:41,070
I don't believe it.

584
00:30:41,620 --> 00:30:43,314
It's like my summer vacation,

585
00:30:43,380 --> 00:30:45,380
it's the only time I leave the house.

586
00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:47,924
I still don't bathe when I go, though.

587
00:30:47,990 --> 00:30:50,754
(chuckles) Why would I?
(laughs loudly)

588
00:30:50,820 --> 00:30:52,620
Eat my stench!

589
00:30:54,050 --> 00:30:56,050
It's been developing a nice...

590
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,820
personal musk all year round, too.

591
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,344
(sighs) You'll know when I'm coming.
(chuckles)

592
00:31:02,410 --> 00:31:05,080
Plants, trees,

593
00:31:05,150 --> 00:31:06,514
they all die. (laughs)

594
00:31:06,580 --> 00:31:08,080
Ooh!

595
00:31:09,110 --> 00:31:11,410
(sighs) Anyway,

596
00:31:12,010 --> 00:31:14,140
They're... they're canceling
Comic-Con, and

597
00:31:14,270 --> 00:31:16,270
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

598
00:31:16,660 --> 00:31:18,360
(crunching)

599
00:31:18,530 --> 00:31:22,840
(ominous pulsing beat)

600
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:31,150
("Ossuary 3 - Words" by Kevin MacLeod)

601
00:32:19,010 --> 00:32:22,470
(digital beeping and whirring)

602
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,160
(dial-up tone)

603
00:32:31,790 --> 00:32:35,980
(rubs hands together)
(dial-up connects)

604
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,270
- Come on!

605
00:32:49,420 --> 00:32:51,420
(dial-up tone stops)
- You've got mail.

606
00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:53,620
- It's about time!

607
00:32:53,780 --> 00:32:55,294
(sighs)

608
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,360
(mouse clicks)

609
00:32:59,330 --> 00:33:00,874
Badges?

610
00:33:00,940 --> 00:33:04,390
I don't need no stinking badges!

611
00:33:04,590 --> 00:33:06,254
Bah!

612
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,800
(sighs)

613
00:33:07,940 --> 00:33:09,364
Hello there!

614
00:33:09,430 --> 00:33:10,964
I'm Stan.

615
00:33:11,030 --> 00:33:14,404
And now I understand that
some of you are a little disappointed

616
00:33:14,470 --> 00:33:17,700
that the San Diego Comic-Con
has been canceled.

617
00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:21,020
Well all I can say is, tough!

618
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,584
Back when I was a kid,
back when I started,

619
00:33:23,650 --> 00:33:25,650
there was no Comic-Con.

620
00:33:26,270 --> 00:33:30,810
So welcome to post-war America,
circa 1949.

621
00:33:31,230 --> 00:33:32,924
But seriously,

622
00:33:32,990 --> 00:33:36,524
the comic book industry
has always had its naysayers.

623
00:33:36,590 --> 00:33:39,454
The comics have always had
their ups and downs,

624
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,414
their ebbs and flows,

625
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,360
and always come through on the other side.

626
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,210
You think this pandemic is bad,

627
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,124
then you've never heard of the book

628
00:33:49,190 --> 00:33:51,300
The Seduction of the Innocent,

629
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,860
written by this madman,

630
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,040
Dr. Fredric Wertham.

631
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,240
If comics can survive that,

632
00:33:58,390 --> 00:34:00,390
they can survive anything.

633
00:34:00,940 --> 00:34:02,784
Comics will be back.

634
00:34:02,850 --> 00:34:05,350
Conventions will return.

635
00:34:05,530 --> 00:34:07,324
And what we need you to do

636
00:34:07,390 --> 00:34:10,140
is to be ready for when that time comes,

637
00:34:10,330 --> 00:34:13,420
and to take care of yourselves,
and each other.

638
00:34:13,810 --> 00:34:17,130
Because remember what
Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker:

639
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:19,344
With great power

640
00:34:19,410 --> 00:34:21,660
comes great responsibility.

641
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,380
Excelsior!

642
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,960
- So...

643
00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:28,834
my friends and I are dressin' up
as the Birds of Prey

644
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,900
for Comic-Con weekend.

645
00:34:32,150 --> 00:34:33,534
Obviously,

646
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,150
it is nowhere near the
canceled Comic-Con weekend, but

647
00:34:38,390 --> 00:34:40,670
I'm still gettin' into character.

648
00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:46,210
I am supposed to be the wonderful,

649
00:34:46,910 --> 00:34:50,900
amazing, perfect Harley Quinn.

650
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:56,324
So, last night, I did some looting.

651
00:34:56,390 --> 00:34:57,884
That's right.

652
00:34:57,950 --> 00:35:02,960
I stole my ex-boyfriend Jason's car
while he was sleeping.

653
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,204
And then,

654
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:08,680
I ran it right through
his new girlfriend's house.

655
00:35:10,190 --> 00:35:12,730
She cosplays as Harley Quinn too.

656
00:35:14,490 --> 00:35:16,490
Has her own website, even.

657
00:35:17,540 --> 00:35:19,540
He cosplayed as the Joker for her.

658
00:35:21,380 --> 00:35:23,380
Never did that for me.

659
00:35:24,110 --> 00:35:25,980
It's all right, it's all right.

660
00:35:26,060 --> 00:35:28,060
'Cause you know what?

661
00:35:28,410 --> 00:35:30,410
I'm talkin' to this new guy.

662
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,724
He cosplays as Thor.

663
00:35:32,790 --> 00:35:34,790
Wrong universe, I know, I know.

664
00:35:35,750 --> 00:35:38,290
But, it's okay.

665
00:35:38,810 --> 00:35:44,240
'Cause he's got quite a sizable

666
00:35:44,490 --> 00:35:46,910
hammer, if you know what I mean.

667
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,560
God of thunder, indeed.

668
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,240
- Oh, god.

669
00:35:54,350 --> 00:35:56,134
Oh no, uh...

670
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,744
I think I'm in love.

671
00:35:57,810 --> 00:36:00,200
And my cosplay sucks.

672
00:36:00,350 --> 00:36:01,734
I'm not Thor.

673
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,590
I'm, like, the anti-Thor.

674
00:36:03,700 --> 00:36:05,634
I mean, look at her.

675
00:36:05,700 --> 00:36:07,700
She's beautiful.

676
00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:10,940
She makes a wonderful Harley Quinn.

677
00:36:11,100 --> 00:36:14,990
Yeah, I know she's from DC
and I'm a Marvel character, but

678
00:36:15,130 --> 00:36:17,324
I'm willing to tamper the bloodlines.

679
00:36:17,390 --> 00:36:20,220
You know, cross-contaminate,
if you will. (chuckles)

680
00:36:20,930 --> 00:36:22,904
We met on the Facebook page, um,

681
00:36:22,970 --> 00:36:25,390
on one of the announcements
where they canceled.

682
00:36:25,650 --> 00:36:27,344
We both commented,

683
00:36:27,410 --> 00:36:29,740
making jokes, and well,

684
00:36:29,830 --> 00:36:31,830
we started talking.

685
00:36:32,860 --> 00:36:34,354
She's lovely.

686
00:36:34,420 --> 00:36:37,340
You know, I never thought
anyone could love me.

687
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:38,574
Yeah.

688
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,220
I really wanted to go to San Diego
for the convention,

689
00:36:42,550 --> 00:36:44,550
but now?

690
00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:46,630
Something else has happened, and...

691
00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:49,750
and made me even happier.

692
00:36:53,060 --> 00:36:54,404
- So, yeah.

693
00:36:54,470 --> 00:36:58,700
I am in love with a comic book geek.

694
00:36:58,980 --> 00:37:01,114
And that's okay, you know?

695
00:37:01,180 --> 00:37:03,180
I mean, I am one too.

696
00:37:03,370 --> 00:37:06,060
And I am a junkie.

697
00:37:06,330 --> 00:37:09,430
I am a comic book junkie.
(bubble sound effect)

698
00:37:09,540 --> 00:37:11,994
And that's okay too, you know?

699
00:37:12,060 --> 00:37:14,060
I mean, my whole family is.

700
00:37:14,140 --> 00:37:16,124
My dad? Yeah.

701
00:37:16,190 --> 00:37:17,944
He's one of those guys,

702
00:37:18,010 --> 00:37:19,644
who knows every word

703
00:37:19,710 --> 00:37:22,480
to every Star Wars film.

704
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,250
Except for The Last Jedi.

705
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:30,564
Yeah, he weeps whenever anyone
mentions the movie title,

706
00:37:30,630 --> 00:37:34,090
we aren't allowed to say
the movie title in the house.

707
00:37:34,790 --> 00:37:36,724
Okay, confession?

708
00:37:36,790 --> 00:37:39,984
I actually think it's
the best Star Wars film

709
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:42,050
of all of them.

710
00:37:42,290 --> 00:37:44,000
Sue me.

711
00:37:44,090 --> 00:37:45,724
So, yeah.

712
00:37:45,790 --> 00:37:50,010
I am in love with a comic book geek.

713
00:37:50,340 --> 00:37:52,604
I know we're in a pandemic, but

714
00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:55,534
suddenly my life is more amazing than

715
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,404
I thought it could ever possibly be.

716
00:37:58,470 --> 00:38:02,960
- I am going to kill the boy
who is dating my daughter.

717
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,060
Oh, I don't know who he is,

718
00:38:06,340 --> 00:38:08,580
but I know he's a comic book geek.

719
00:38:08,940 --> 00:38:11,330
And I know how these jokers operate.

720
00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:13,460
I know how they think.

721
00:38:13,830 --> 00:38:15,054
How?

722
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,390
Because I cosplay as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

723
00:38:18,790 --> 00:38:21,764
I've seen Star Wars 425 times,

724
00:38:21,830 --> 00:38:23,830
and that's just Episode IV.

725
00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:27,804
I know all about how to use the Force
and Jedi mind tricks.

726
00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:29,804
(sighs deeply)

727
00:38:29,870 --> 00:38:31,344
No.
(typing)

728
00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:33,810
No, I am not gonna say it.

729
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,340
Absolutely not.

730
00:38:36,870 --> 00:38:40,260
I'm focused on getting the guy
who is dating my daughter.

731
00:38:40,830 --> 00:38:43,400
Stay on target.

732
00:38:44,110 --> 00:38:46,534
Absolutely not gonna say it.
(typing)

733
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:47,684
What am I,

734
00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:50,660
Princess Leia performing
for Jabba the Hutt?

735
00:38:51,710 --> 00:38:53,714
"Say the line, Richard, say the line."

736
00:38:53,780 --> 00:38:54,974
No.

737
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,520
I'm absolutely not going to say it.

738
00:38:58,110 --> 00:39:00,380
(sighs) Fine.

739
00:39:00,830 --> 00:39:03,100
Use the Force, Luke.

740
00:39:03,210 --> 00:39:05,210
There. You happy?

741
00:39:05,430 --> 00:39:07,840
Princess Leia performin' for you.

742
00:39:08,140 --> 00:39:11,070
Christ, I've got enough to worry about.

743
00:39:11,310 --> 00:39:13,664
This little scruffy
Nerf herder from Newark is

744
00:39:13,730 --> 00:39:15,730
trying to impregnate my daughter!

745
00:39:16,010 --> 00:39:17,997
I've got shpilkes!

746
00:39:19,110 --> 00:39:22,150
- My superhero career ended
when I got pregnant.

747
00:39:23,070 --> 00:39:25,004
Some people just put on masks and cosplay,

748
00:39:25,070 --> 00:39:27,304
but there are real superheroes out there,

749
00:39:27,370 --> 00:39:30,260
and I met them all on a Facebook page.

750
00:39:30,830 --> 00:39:32,344
And at night I would put on my mask,

751
00:39:32,410 --> 00:39:34,410
and we'd go out and fight crime.

752
00:39:35,310 --> 00:39:37,310
But then I got pregnant with her, and

753
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,360
that's when everything changed.
(baby coos)

754
00:39:40,780 --> 00:39:42,284
Please, you have to help me.

755
00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:44,284
This toddler is not a toddler, she...

756
00:39:44,350 --> 00:39:45,674
she's an evil warlord

757
00:39:45,740 --> 00:39:48,270
bent on destroying the world
when she turns 18.

758
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,254
Please, you have to believe me, she...

759
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,414
she's in my mind, she...
she's in my...

760
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:58,050
- My wife was taking the
superhero thing a little far.

761
00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,404
Until she got pregnant.

762
00:40:00,470 --> 00:40:02,470
And then she got pregnant again.

763
00:40:03,060 --> 00:40:04,844
And now,

764
00:40:04,910 --> 00:40:07,690
all her dreams have been dashed.

765
00:40:08,700 --> 00:40:10,724
Now while she's taking care of the kids,

766
00:40:10,790 --> 00:40:13,374
I shall enact my evil plan

767
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,140
to make a weather device
to control the weather.

768
00:40:17,110 --> 00:40:20,530
I shall be called Meteorologist Man.

769
00:40:21,450 --> 00:40:25,970
And all the world's nations
will drop to their knees.

770
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,960
They'll kneel like I'm Zod in Superman II.

771
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,640
And I in turn shall kneel.

772
00:40:33,990 --> 00:40:38,590
I will kneel like I work in a theater
and Abraham Lincoln just came in.

773
00:40:40,300 --> 00:40:41,784
I don't know what that means,

774
00:40:41,850 --> 00:40:43,850
but it sounds hot.

775
00:40:46,220 --> 00:40:47,844
Wait.

776
00:40:47,910 --> 00:40:49,910
Why is my infant daughter

777
00:40:50,100 --> 00:40:52,480
floating in the air with glowing red eyes?

778
00:40:53,830 --> 00:40:54,870
Oh, no.

779
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,040
- I like dressing up in costume.

780
00:40:59,740 --> 00:41:01,424
I go to Comic Cons,

781
00:41:01,490 --> 00:41:04,290
kinda hang out in that world.

782
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,274
But something changed.

783
00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:09,340
I figured it out.

784
00:41:09,950 --> 00:41:14,520
When we were all buying tickets
to this year's canceled Comic-Con,

785
00:41:15,010 --> 00:41:18,480
reality splintered.

786
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:24,420
And it took me some time,

787
00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:27,350
but I figured it out.

788
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:33,650
We ended up in a different universe.

789
00:41:34,180 --> 00:41:36,180
The... the other side of the mirror.

790
00:41:36,810 --> 00:41:42,120
Where were you at this time last year?

791
00:41:42,610 --> 00:41:44,364
It was different.

792
00:41:44,430 --> 00:41:47,870
The universe has fallen down a black hole,

793
00:41:48,170 --> 00:41:49,934
and something is keeping us here.

794
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,000
Or someone.

795
00:41:52,370 --> 00:41:54,370
I see you.

796
00:41:55,190 --> 00:41:57,190
I know you're watching me,

797
00:41:57,980 --> 00:41:59,980
right now.

798
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,120
Your eyes are on me,

799
00:42:03,250 --> 00:42:05,250
deconstructing me,

800
00:42:05,530 --> 00:42:07,530
studying,

801
00:42:08,010 --> 00:42:10,010
waiting for your moment.

802
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:16,000
(microphone jostles around)
(frightened gasps)

803
00:42:19,380 --> 00:42:21,380
I'm trying to...

804
00:42:24,650 --> 00:42:27,660
You're what we've been
reading about all this time.

805
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,800
A villian.

806
00:42:35,370 --> 00:42:37,144
You see me.

807
00:42:37,210 --> 00:42:39,210
You are making me fade.

808
00:42:39,580 --> 00:42:41,580
Fade from reality.

809
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:44,460
It's okay.

810
00:42:44,950 --> 00:42:46,950
I found you.

811
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,000
Others will too.

812
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,834
(typing)
- Got an email this morning

813
00:42:54,900 --> 00:42:56,294
from a girl who claims that Earth

814
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,540
has been put into another reality.

815
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,680
(continues typing as he speaks)
Sounded insane.

816
00:43:03,270 --> 00:43:05,204
So I started to read it.

817
00:43:05,270 --> 00:43:08,360
She sent it to a bunch of people
who cosplay.

818
00:43:08,900 --> 00:43:10,900
People who dress up as heroes.

819
00:43:12,630 --> 00:43:14,940
Some of the people
in the community laughed.

820
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:19,450
"Yeah, I'm sure Darkseid
is trying to take over the Earth."

821
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:23,770
Or, "Oh yeah, if Galactus shows up,

822
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,630
make him some mozzarella sticks."

823
00:43:27,150 --> 00:43:29,150
The girl who sent the email

824
00:43:29,530 --> 00:43:31,530
was never seen again.

825
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:34,360
She vanished.

826
00:43:35,260 --> 00:43:38,410
Think whomever did this
might've killed her.

827
00:43:39,270 --> 00:43:41,270
(pauses typing)
It's not Darkseid.

828
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,720
It's not Galactus,

829
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,920
or Doctor Doom,

830
00:43:47,290 --> 00:43:48,764
or Elon Musk.

831
00:43:48,830 --> 00:43:51,080
(chuckles) Though I did look into him.

832
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:54,894
This is something

833
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,160
we have never encountered.

834
00:44:00,770 --> 00:44:02,770
(glasses snap closed)

835
00:44:03,650 --> 00:44:06,070
And it's up to us,

836
00:44:12,250 --> 00:44:14,250
the cosplayers.

837
00:44:15,770 --> 00:44:18,720
(sighs deeply)
I'm scared.

838
00:44:19,270 --> 00:44:21,710
I am really scared.

839
00:44:22,140 --> 00:44:24,140
(resumes typing)

840
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,960
But you know what?

841
00:44:27,660 --> 00:44:31,010
Nobody (bleep) with the human race.

842
00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:34,240
- So there's chatter in the
cosplay community,

843
00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:36,334
that, uh...

844
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,840
there's a villian behind all of this.

845
00:44:39,470 --> 00:44:41,910
That we fell into some sort of black hole.

846
00:44:43,020 --> 00:44:45,020
But...

847
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,840
I woke up this morning,

848
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,380
put on a fresh pair of underwear,

849
00:44:51,150 --> 00:44:53,150
did some Pilates,

850
00:44:53,700 --> 00:44:55,364
then I put on this fine outfit.

851
00:44:55,430 --> 00:44:57,430
That's right, Star-Lord.

852
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,800
My wife got it for me 'cause she likes it.

853
00:45:00,220 --> 00:45:02,220
Then she really liked it.

854
00:45:02,630 --> 00:45:06,490
And then she (cackles) really liked it.

855
00:45:07,550 --> 00:45:10,560
Now, we have four kids.

856
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,650
Guess you could say, uh...

857
00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:17,840
my galaxy didn't need any guardians.

858
00:45:19,470 --> 00:45:21,470
She's a Browncoat.

859
00:45:21,950 --> 00:45:24,320
I'm an interplanetary policeman.

860
00:45:24,910 --> 00:45:26,714
We make it work.

861
00:45:26,780 --> 00:45:30,480
(clicks tongue)
- Firefly is going to come back.

862
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,854
I know it.

863
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,140
Never give up hope.

864
00:45:35,870 --> 00:45:38,414
We need the almighty Nathan Fillion

865
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,610
to step into the role of
Mal Reynolds once again.

866
00:45:41,980 --> 00:45:45,550
Captain Tight Pants needs to come back.

867
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:51,270
I know it's been... what? 17 years.

868
00:45:52,020 --> 00:45:55,330
People keep telling me I should give up.

869
00:45:57,550 --> 00:46:00,540
But when you give up, you die.

870
00:46:01,370 --> 00:46:04,430
And I can't die.

871
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,894
I know we are all trapped

872
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,294
in this alternate dimension right now.

873
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,590
This timeline cannot be real.

874
00:46:16,710 --> 00:46:19,210
I know things look bleak.

875
00:46:20,110 --> 00:46:23,660
But we Browncoats keep going.

876
00:46:25,500 --> 00:46:29,670
When you can't run anymore, you crawl,

877
00:46:31,130 --> 00:46:33,130
and when you can't crawl,

878
00:46:34,540 --> 00:46:36,540
when you can't do that,

879
00:46:39,170 --> 00:46:42,660
you find someone to carry you.

880
00:46:45,010 --> 00:46:47,010
We will get out of this,

881
00:46:47,770 --> 00:46:49,770
I know it.

882
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,840
Just like I know

883
00:46:52,150 --> 00:46:55,350
that Firefly is going to come back.

884
00:46:58,550 --> 00:47:01,480
You just have to...
- Believe.

885
00:47:02,250 --> 00:47:05,220
Believe we fell into a black hole,

886
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,760
and we have to find our way back.

887
00:47:10,220 --> 00:47:12,370
For years, I worked at a supermarket.

888
00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:14,640
I dealt with our customers, or,

889
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:17,660
as I called them, the yagabooboos.

890
00:47:19,010 --> 00:47:23,490
But now, the yagabooboos need
something else.

891
00:47:23,860 --> 00:47:26,840
They need someone else.

892
00:47:27,900 --> 00:47:31,504
I need to become
what I avoided my entire life,

893
00:47:31,570 --> 00:47:35,100
but what every Avengers movie
told me I should be.

894
00:47:37,300 --> 00:47:39,300
A hero.

895
00:47:42,830 --> 00:47:45,050
I've lived alone, you see,

896
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,320
alone except for my butler, Jacques.

897
00:47:50,790 --> 00:47:53,650
My parents were killed when I was younger,

898
00:47:54,350 --> 00:47:57,050
by murder hornets.

899
00:48:00,450 --> 00:48:02,450
No one believed me.

900
00:48:03,970 --> 00:48:06,490
Nobody believed they were real.

901
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:10,670
But they're like Pennywise,

902
00:48:10,850 --> 00:48:14,000
except they come back every 25 years.

903
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:17,780
But this time,

904
00:48:19,180 --> 00:48:21,530
this time, I'm ready.

905
00:48:23,700 --> 00:48:28,080
I've made a costume with my
super sewing skills,

906
00:48:28,750 --> 00:48:34,490
and I will become that which
murdered my mummy and daddy.

907
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:41,200
(glass clinks on table)
Ugh, Christ.

908
00:48:42,240 --> 00:48:44,310
(sighs)

909
00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:47,380
I think I just had an emotion.

910
00:48:49,250 --> 00:48:52,584
Criminals are a superstitious
and a cowardly lot.

911
00:48:52,650 --> 00:48:53,854
They're a nuisance,

912
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,700
a pest to be eradicated.

913
00:48:56,990 --> 00:48:59,870
And so, I shall become...

914
00:49:01,410 --> 00:49:03,410
the Murder Hornet.

915
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:07,940
And this Murder Hornet
will murder murder hornets.

916
00:49:08,290 --> 00:49:11,180
Prepare to feel my prick...

917
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:13,840
(sword scrapes against sheath)

918
00:49:13,930 --> 00:49:15,684
of justice!

919
00:49:15,750 --> 00:49:17,750
(small pop)

920
00:49:20,620 --> 00:49:22,990
- I was driving in the rain tonight,

921
00:49:23,370 --> 00:49:25,044
dark road.

922
00:49:25,110 --> 00:49:27,110
I was going to my mother's.

923
00:49:27,700 --> 00:49:29,940
I was the only one on the road.

924
00:49:30,430 --> 00:49:32,540
It was just past midnight.

925
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,290
And then, I saw him,

926
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,480
in the distance.

927
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,464
He is hard to miss.

928
00:49:40,530 --> 00:49:43,310
He just appeared.

929
00:49:43,710 --> 00:49:45,264
I drove closer.

930
00:49:45,330 --> 00:49:47,044
I wasn't gonna pick him up.

931
00:49:47,110 --> 00:49:49,110
Too dangerous.

932
00:49:49,350 --> 00:49:51,160
But as I drove closer,

933
00:49:51,260 --> 00:49:53,260
I saw that he had his head down.

934
00:49:54,190 --> 00:49:56,190
And I was ready to pass him,

935
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,320
and as I looked up,

936
00:49:58,580 --> 00:50:00,580
I saw his face.

937
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:03,374
It was a creature,

938
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:07,750
a devil, an alien, inhuman,

939
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,000
something dark.

940
00:50:10,540 --> 00:50:14,120
The darkest thing I ever seen.

941
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,124
- I saw him.

942
00:50:16,190 --> 00:50:18,084
He came to my house late at night.

943
00:50:18,150 --> 00:50:20,150
I was asleep.

944
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,440
It started raining, lightning.

945
00:50:25,190 --> 00:50:26,864
I woke up,

946
00:50:26,930 --> 00:50:29,570
and every lightning strike,
he grew closer.

947
00:50:30,650 --> 00:50:32,584
He sat by my bedside,

948
00:50:32,650 --> 00:50:34,034
in the chair.

949
00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:35,890
In my grandmother's rocking chair.

950
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,084
He sat there, staring.

951
00:50:40,150 --> 00:50:41,864
I was paralyzed.

952
00:50:41,930 --> 00:50:43,250
Terror.

953
00:50:43,820 --> 00:50:47,350
(shaky breath) And then,
one last lightning strike,

954
00:50:47,590 --> 00:50:49,524
he was gone.

955
00:50:49,590 --> 00:50:50,994
I knew.

956
00:50:51,060 --> 00:50:53,060
I knew he was the one responsible.

957
00:50:53,650 --> 00:50:56,490
- I am a pretty positive guy.

958
00:50:56,660 --> 00:50:58,294
And my whole family is.

959
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,644
That's why I am pretty positive
that there is evil coming.

960
00:51:02,710 --> 00:51:05,320
(chuckles) Whoo! Yeah!

961
00:51:05,710 --> 00:51:08,550
It's also why I am teaching my kids
how to do kung fu.

962
00:51:08,660 --> 00:51:10,134
They're getting pretty good at it.

963
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:11,744
Only a few injuries.

964
00:51:11,810 --> 00:51:15,470
Uh, well, one of my kids
did lose a permanent tooth.

965
00:51:15,900 --> 00:51:18,490
The dentist won't see us anymore,
but, you know

966
00:51:18,690 --> 00:51:20,494
I think it's okay, it's gonna grow back.

967
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,080
Yeah, he took a
Choku Zuki right to the face.

968
00:51:23,650 --> 00:51:26,940
But you have to break a few teeth
to make an omelet.

969
00:51:27,420 --> 00:51:29,420
God, I love my kids.

970
00:51:29,780 --> 00:51:31,694
We are becoming a fighting unit,

971
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,034
and we will survive this.

972
00:51:34,100 --> 00:51:36,914
We will survive! (cackles)

973
00:51:36,980 --> 00:51:40,384
- Hello, humans,
and to all in the animal kingdom,

974
00:51:40,450 --> 00:51:42,224
this is your demise!

975
00:51:42,290 --> 00:51:44,554
You have met your new owners.

976
00:51:44,620 --> 00:51:46,374
Prepare to fight!

977
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,614
You have fallen down
this black hole with us,

978
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,584
and now my commander (laughs)

979
00:51:51,650 --> 00:51:53,554
shall take over, (laughs)

980
00:51:53,620 --> 00:51:56,574
and nothing (laughs louder)

981
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,434
can save you. (laughs)

982
00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:02,554
Not even David Caruso can save you.

983
00:52:02,620 --> 00:52:05,284
So wh... (laughs hysterically)

984
00:52:05,350 --> 00:52:06,515
Why am I laughing?

985
00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:09,090
(laughs) Can't... can't stop!

986
00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:12,024
(laughs) My three hearts...

987
00:52:12,090 --> 00:52:14,504
(laughs) They're giving out!

988
00:52:14,570 --> 00:52:17,974
(laughs uncontrollably)

989
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,104
(crash)
(cat yowls)

990
00:52:20,170 --> 00:52:22,104
- The world is in danger, Lois.

991
00:52:22,170 --> 00:52:23,244
- It is, Clark.

992
00:52:23,310 --> 00:52:26,094
- And I must go out and save it.

993
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:28,340
- Not before you take out
the garbage, Ron.

994
00:52:28,420 --> 00:52:32,714
- Um, my name is Clark.

995
00:52:32,780 --> 00:52:34,494
- Sure it is, honey.

996
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:35,534
Listen,

997
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,144
I go along with this cosplay thing

998
00:52:37,210 --> 00:52:40,800
because you say you, um, "need it,"

999
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,420
but that means I get something too.
- Hmm?

1000
00:52:44,230 --> 00:52:46,474
- And I'm gonna need you
to take out the garbage.

1001
00:52:46,540 --> 00:52:49,474
- (groans) Garbage is my kryptonite!

1002
00:52:49,540 --> 00:52:50,504
(groans in pain)
- Yeah?

1003
00:52:50,570 --> 00:52:52,810
Well, my kryptonite is when you
pee and miss the bowl.

1004
00:52:52,890 --> 00:52:55,000
That's one of the reasons
you're on the couch.

1005
00:52:55,240 --> 00:53:00,180
- Uh, you mean the Fortress of Solitude!

1006
00:53:00,470 --> 00:53:02,470
- Right.

1007
00:53:02,730 --> 00:53:06,370
- Our bond will not be weakened by this.

1008
00:53:06,770 --> 00:53:08,770
- Look.

1009
00:53:09,380 --> 00:53:11,314
I'm in love with someone else.

1010
00:53:11,380 --> 00:53:12,894
- What?!

1011
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,114
Who is it?

1012
00:53:14,180 --> 00:53:16,174
Lex Luthor?

1013
00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:18,240
- No, it's Captain America.

1014
00:53:18,460 --> 00:53:20,454
- Wait, wha...?

1015
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,860
You're leaving me
for someone in the Marvel universe?

1016
00:53:25,100 --> 00:53:26,864
(Lois sighs)

1017
00:53:26,930 --> 00:53:28,964
Ugh.
(Bucky sighs)

1018
00:53:29,030 --> 00:53:31,210
- Yeah, so what?

1019
00:53:32,060 --> 00:53:34,610
I'm seein' a woman
that dresses up as Lois Lane.

1020
00:53:35,450 --> 00:53:37,264
So?

1021
00:53:37,330 --> 00:53:40,684
I dated a girl that cosplayed
Peggy Carter, but you know,

1022
00:53:40,750 --> 00:53:44,240
we... we weren't compatible.

1023
00:53:46,150 --> 00:53:51,520
And I dated Marvel women my entire life.

1024
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:53,764
I wanted to spice it up a bit,

1025
00:53:53,830 --> 00:53:55,830
try a DC girl.

1026
00:53:56,070 --> 00:53:57,670
And who knows?

1027
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,704
Maybe I'll try an Image girl
if this doesn't work out,

1028
00:54:00,770 --> 00:54:03,010
or... or a Valiant girl.

1029
00:54:03,930 --> 00:54:07,620
Or maybe even a girl from Dark Horse.

1030
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:12,850
In real life, I work 12 hours a week
at Dollar Tree.

1031
00:54:13,930 --> 00:54:19,120
It's so... different when I dress up.

1032
00:54:19,710 --> 00:54:21,710
My mom...(chuckles)

1033
00:54:22,180 --> 00:54:24,044
my mom bought me this outfit.

1034
00:54:24,110 --> 00:54:27,300
She thought it would give me confidence,

1035
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,520
and it did.

1036
00:54:30,390 --> 00:54:33,430
She also bought me my codpiece.

1037
00:54:36,330 --> 00:54:38,460
That was kinda weird.

1038
00:54:39,140 --> 00:54:41,570
- My mom helped me
put this costume together.

1039
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,410
Peg Bundy, Married with Children.

1040
00:54:45,070 --> 00:54:47,070
I just never got the chance to wear it.

1041
00:54:47,300 --> 00:54:50,190
So, what better time
than the present, right?

1042
00:54:51,380 --> 00:54:54,120
I don't know how Peggy's
gonna save the world, but...

1043
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,000
I'm scared.

1044
00:55:03,820 --> 00:55:08,000
I wish I knew where planet Earth was,

1045
00:55:08,730 --> 00:55:10,730
or when.

1046
00:55:11,630 --> 00:55:13,630
I wish this wasn't happening.

1047
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,040
But, most of all?

1048
00:55:19,570 --> 00:55:21,570
I wish Al was here.

1049
00:55:22,980 --> 00:55:26,040
I know, he's only a
fictional character, but

1050
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,104
it would be nice,

1051
00:55:30,170 --> 00:55:33,640
even to have a fictional character
as a companion.

1052
00:55:34,100 --> 00:55:37,104
(chip bag rustles)

1053
00:55:37,170 --> 00:55:39,134
Al!

1054
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,520
- Companionship is important.

1055
00:55:41,870 --> 00:55:43,744
- The days may be getting darker,

1056
00:55:43,810 --> 00:55:45,810
but if you find the right person,

1057
00:55:46,070 --> 00:55:48,490
you can make yourself
a little bit of light.

1058
00:55:48,590 --> 00:55:50,144
- She's talkin' about me.

1059
00:55:50,210 --> 00:55:51,824
- Sure I am.

1060
00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:53,244
- I know you are.

1061
00:55:53,310 --> 00:55:55,174
- Who else could I be talkin' about?

1062
00:55:55,240 --> 00:55:57,240
- Nobody. Just me.

1063
00:55:57,310 --> 00:55:59,460
- Keep telling yourself that.

1064
00:55:59,570 --> 00:56:01,894
- This woman is obsessed with me.

1065
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:03,324
- Who wouldn't be?

1066
00:56:03,390 --> 00:56:04,654
- Who, indeed.

1067
00:56:04,720 --> 00:56:05,934
- (Both) Mwah!

1068
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,240
- Yabba-dabba do!

1069
00:56:08,410 --> 00:56:11,810
- I figured out how to get the Earth
back to its proper place.

1070
00:56:11,940 --> 00:56:14,270
I made a Fix-Earth Device

1071
00:56:14,390 --> 00:56:16,910
out of motor oil, Tic Tacs and applesauce.

1072
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:20,140
- Yeah, that sounds like
it'll work perfectly.

1073
00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:21,860
- Silence!

1074
00:56:21,970 --> 00:56:23,744
Just because I find you
suitably attractive

1075
00:56:23,810 --> 00:56:25,810
doesn't mean I need you to interrupt me.

1076
00:56:26,070 --> 00:56:27,484
But just you wait until later.

1077
00:56:27,550 --> 00:56:30,380
Hubba hubba.
- Uh, that's gross!

1078
00:56:30,470 --> 00:56:33,524
Summer is Rick's grandkid.

1079
00:56:33,590 --> 00:56:36,694
- Oh, I know, I just...
- You are so dumb!

1080
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,890
You just, like, made me
wanna stick my head in an oven.

1081
00:56:40,170 --> 00:56:41,694
I can't believe I married you.
- No, no, no!

1082
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:43,760
I've been practicing, watch.

1083
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:47,710
We gotta get the flux capacitor
to 88 miles per hour.

1084
00:56:47,790 --> 00:56:49,644
- That's not even the right character!

1085
00:56:49,710 --> 00:56:51,054
- I'm nervous!

1086
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,174
And when I get nervous, I cosplay weird.

1087
00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:56,060
- You are always weird.

1088
00:56:56,130 --> 00:56:58,174
If I had known I was gonna marry you

1089
00:56:58,240 --> 00:57:02,270
and we were going to live
in your mother's house,

1090
00:57:02,410 --> 00:57:04,074
I might've made different choices.

1091
00:57:04,140 --> 00:57:06,140
- She doesn't mean that, Ma!

1092
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:08,800
Thin walls.

1093
00:57:09,330 --> 00:57:11,324
Now, can we just let this go?

1094
00:57:11,390 --> 00:57:14,060
Can we, can we start it
from scratch, from the top?

1095
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,610
I-I promise, I'll be good.
(Alicia groans)

1096
00:57:17,530 --> 00:57:20,080
- Oh, okay.

1097
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:22,564
- Splendid.

1098
00:57:22,630 --> 00:57:25,150
All right, here we go.
I'm Rick, and you're Autumn.

1099
00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:27,164
- Summer!

1100
00:57:27,230 --> 00:57:29,610
My character's name is Summer!

1101
00:57:30,190 --> 00:57:34,204
(Alicia chuckles sarcastically)
(Justin laughs nervously)

1102
00:57:34,270 --> 00:57:36,950
(both laugh louder)

1103
00:57:37,060 --> 00:57:40,254
- So, I tried cosplaying
for my woman and my daughter,

1104
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,120
and they told me to invent a character.

1105
00:57:43,190 --> 00:57:45,190
And I think I finally got it!

1106
00:57:45,350 --> 00:57:49,240
I will be Raphael Franco, (stapler clicks)

1107
00:57:49,380 --> 00:57:51,534
the Acid Chipmunk! (laughs)

1108
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:52,834
The Acid Chipmunk will...

1109
00:57:52,900 --> 00:57:54,834
will climb walls and stuff, and, uh,

1110
00:57:54,900 --> 00:57:56,744
and to maintain his strength,

1111
00:57:56,810 --> 00:57:59,140
the Acid Chipmunk will...
will have to

1112
00:57:59,220 --> 00:58:02,204
eat a faceful of nuts, you know, just
(stapler clicks)

1113
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,814
get in there and lap it up
like a good little boy.

1114
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,574
(laughs) Oh, man.
I am so good at this cosplay stuff.

1115
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:10,640
(laughs) I should be...

1116
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:13,470
a cosplay whisperer!
(laughs maniacally)

1117
00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:14,894
Oh!

1118
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:16,634
Why am I lactating?

1119
00:58:16,700 --> 00:58:18,824
I don't know, I'm just gonna go with it!

1120
00:58:18,890 --> 00:58:22,720
(laughs)

1121
00:58:22,970 --> 00:58:27,340
(laughter turns to sobs)

1122
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:30,320
- I've always wanted to cosplay,

1123
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,790
but there's only one character
I've ever really wanted to be.

1124
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,890
But, for many years,

1125
00:58:39,130 --> 00:58:41,560
I let society bring me down.

1126
00:58:42,260 --> 00:58:45,950
I was embarrassed from my desires.

1127
00:58:47,110 --> 00:58:50,410
And then, the world ended.

1128
00:58:50,950 --> 00:58:53,920
Earth as we know it

1129
00:58:54,140 --> 00:58:56,824
has disappeared into a black hole,

1130
00:58:56,890 --> 00:58:58,890
or someone's hole.

1131
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:00,854
And for me?

1132
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,930
Well, now I have to grow
my own vegetables.

1133
00:59:04,550 --> 00:59:08,474
But I am going to become

1134
00:59:08,540 --> 00:59:11,684
who I always wanted to become.

1135
00:59:11,750 --> 00:59:16,924
By crumb, I'm going to cosplay
as Conan the Barbarian!

1136
00:59:16,990 --> 00:59:19,454
Yeah! Take that, evil people!

1137
00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:22,270
I wield my sword with a mighty hammer!

1138
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,124
And ladies,

1139
00:59:24,190 --> 00:59:26,554
you better watch out.

1140
00:59:26,620 --> 00:59:29,200
Conan is lookin' for you.

1141
00:59:29,490 --> 00:59:32,764
And, he only has two
restraining orders on him,

1142
00:59:32,830 --> 00:59:34,830
this year.

1143
00:59:34,930 --> 00:59:36,104
Yeah!

1144
00:59:36,170 --> 00:59:38,454
- The guy next door's been
botherin' me lately.

1145
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:42,844
He's been running around naked
with nothing but a crown on,

1146
00:59:42,910 --> 00:59:45,090
calling himself Conan.

1147
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,500
Buddy, you are no Conan.

1148
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:50,264
You're just a dude

1149
00:59:50,330 --> 00:59:53,540
who should really be hoping
for warmer weather.

1150
00:59:54,030 --> 00:59:56,644
Or, who wants to get a tan

1151
00:59:56,710 --> 00:59:59,980
to turn that two-pack into a six-pack.

1152
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:01,624
That's not how that works?

1153
01:00:01,690 --> 01:00:04,180
You can look that up,
I know you have the internet.

1154
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,714
And I am not going to your house

1155
01:00:07,780 --> 01:00:10,800
to see your "replica sword collection,"

1156
01:00:11,350 --> 01:00:13,950
because I have a
sword collection of my own,

1157
01:00:14,090 --> 01:00:16,090
and I can actually use them.

1158
01:00:16,590 --> 01:00:20,030
Six feet is not far enough away from you.

1159
01:00:20,340 --> 01:00:23,614
Besides, we have more important
things to worry about

1160
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,390
than The Emperor's New Clothes.

1161
01:00:27,850 --> 01:00:29,990
Such as how to defeat him.

1162
01:00:30,270 --> 01:00:35,300
- I am catching strange radio signals
on my Pulse helmet.

1163
01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:37,900
Strange things.

1164
01:00:38,070 --> 01:00:42,170
Messages about invading the planet.

1165
01:00:48,350 --> 01:00:50,104
Ugh! Oh!

1166
01:00:50,170 --> 01:00:53,960
The person barking these orders
sure has one heck of a voice.

1167
01:00:56,930 --> 01:00:59,190
Sounds like my ex-wife.

1168
01:01:01,010 --> 01:01:03,010
It is.

1169
01:01:03,380 --> 01:01:04,444
Great!

1170
01:01:04,510 --> 01:01:07,554
I just paid off my student loans
from 30 years ago,

1171
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:11,470
and now the Earth is being invaded
by my ex-wife.

1172
01:01:12,090 --> 01:01:14,830
Great! Perfect!

1173
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,660
(sighs) I still love her.

1174
01:01:21,340 --> 01:01:25,350
Why did she have to go and become
an evil galactic war queen?

1175
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:29,570
- My ex-boyfriend thinks
I'm an alien war queen.

1176
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,260
Truth is, I met my soulmate.

1177
01:01:33,550 --> 01:01:36,370
And so I left my ex-boyfriend.

1178
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:38,394
- And I'm her soulmate.

1179
01:01:38,460 --> 01:01:40,634
We met at a monster truck rally.

1180
01:01:40,700 --> 01:01:42,634
I was drivin' a monster truck.

1181
01:01:42,700 --> 01:01:43,984
Vroom, vroom!
(Cher giggles)

1182
01:01:44,050 --> 01:01:46,534
- I saw him from afar.

1183
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,554
He was crushin' cars.

1184
01:01:49,620 --> 01:01:51,014
Let me tell ya,

1185
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,374
cars ain't the only thing
he crushed that day!

1186
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:55,804
- That's right.

1187
01:01:55,870 --> 01:01:59,390
We fell in L-O-V-E.

1188
01:01:59,532 --> 01:02:02,032
And now, we do everything together.

1189
01:02:02,149 --> 01:02:04,082
- That's right, everythin'.

1190
01:02:04,148 --> 01:02:06,621
We even got duelin' toilets!
(chuckles)

1191
01:02:06,687 --> 01:02:09,159
- It's a toilet that has two seats

1192
01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:13,207
so you can be with your loved one
at your most precious moments.

1193
01:02:13,273 --> 01:02:17,666
They're called "duelin' toilets" 'cause
everything in life is a competition.

1194
01:02:17,732 --> 01:02:19,392
Ain't that right, Cher?

1195
01:02:19,458 --> 01:02:21,424
- That's right, Sonny.

1196
01:02:21,490 --> 01:02:23,940
I am Cher,

1197
01:02:24,528 --> 01:02:26,528
and he is Sonny Bono.

1198
01:02:26,620 --> 01:02:29,983
And we don't care about social distancin'!

1199
01:02:30,049 --> 01:02:31,843
We're goin' out!

1200
01:02:31,909 --> 01:02:33,294
- That's right, Cher.

1201
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:35,748
Sonny Bono is a-goin' skiin'.

1202
01:02:35,911 --> 01:02:38,755
And Cher? I love your hair like that.
(Cher gasps)

1203
01:02:38,821 --> 01:02:42,011
Come on, let's go.
- Oh, Sonny!

1204
01:02:42,183 --> 01:02:43,643
- Schwing!

1205
01:02:44,770 --> 01:02:46,250
- An invasion is coming,

1206
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,559
and there is a way out of this.

1207
01:02:48,625 --> 01:02:51,105
There's an artifact that can save us all,

1208
01:02:51,246 --> 01:02:53,246
and I need to be the one to find it.

1209
01:02:53,435 --> 01:02:59,415
I need to be like Nicolas Cage
in National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

1210
01:02:59,530 --> 01:03:02,009
Okay, gotta go, no time to waste.

1211
01:03:02,075 --> 01:03:04,655
Gotta move fast, and for one reason only:

1212
01:03:04,796 --> 01:03:06,796
to save the world.

1213
01:03:08,141 --> 01:03:10,621
- My master is here on Earth.

1214
01:03:12,814 --> 01:03:16,544
He's been here for a long time.

1215
01:03:17,951 --> 01:03:20,941
And nobody knows who he is.

1216
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,600
He's already shown his will.

1217
01:03:24,435 --> 01:03:26,555
That is why we are here.

1218
01:03:27,586 --> 01:03:30,659
That is why we are lost in space,

1219
01:03:30,725 --> 01:03:33,515
hurtling towards oblivion.

1220
01:03:35,445 --> 01:03:38,465
And when my master strikes next,

1221
01:03:38,764 --> 01:03:42,204
the world will be doomed!
(evil laugh)

1222
01:03:42,733 --> 01:03:45,033
He's giving me Australia.

1223
01:03:45,470 --> 01:03:49,450
And I shall turn Australia into a non-stop

1224
01:03:49,530 --> 01:03:53,820
Coachella and Burning Man party!
(evil laugh)

1225
01:03:53,890 --> 01:03:57,060
Half Coachella, half Burning Man,

1226
01:03:57,140 --> 01:04:01,584
all fun. (evil laugh)

1227
01:04:01,650 --> 01:04:02,654
And...

1228
01:04:02,720 --> 01:04:04,402
Oh, crap, my mom's home!

1229
01:04:04,468 --> 01:04:05,765
Crap, crap!

1230
01:04:05,836 --> 01:04:07,824
- So, uh...

1231
01:04:07,890 --> 01:04:10,910
things are gettin' pretty weird out there.

1232
01:04:11,255 --> 01:04:15,495
- The dead are rising from their graves.

1233
01:04:16,335 --> 01:04:18,855
- The dead are rising from their graves.

1234
01:04:19,965 --> 01:04:22,505
You know, I saw my high school
music teacher the other day.

1235
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:24,844
- (Stacy) He's been dead for ten years.

1236
01:04:24,910 --> 01:04:26,424
- I know.

1237
01:04:26,490 --> 01:04:29,854
Choked on a Junior Mint
ten minutes before the spring concert.

1238
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,490
(both laugh)
Looked like hell.

1239
01:04:32,556 --> 01:04:37,449
- I saw my great-great grandfather
just walkin' around out there.

1240
01:04:37,515 --> 01:04:42,925
He was wearin' a Confederate flag
and asked for the town of Deadwood.

1241
01:04:43,815 --> 01:04:45,815
- Is that...?

1242
01:04:46,061 --> 01:04:48,671
Is that our neighbor dressed like

1243
01:04:48,737 --> 01:04:52,697
Jason Voorhees
from the Friday the 13th movies?

1244
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:55,106
Oh, yeah.

1245
01:04:55,172 --> 01:04:56,104
Look at 'im.

1246
01:04:56,170 --> 01:04:59,460
He's just, like, wavin' at us.

1247
01:05:00,650 --> 01:05:03,190
- I think he's kinda cute. (chuckles)

1248
01:05:03,375 --> 01:05:05,375
You think he'd make a good father?

1249
01:05:05,610 --> 01:05:07,163
- What kinda question is that?

1250
01:05:07,229 --> 01:05:09,145
- I don't know.

1251
01:05:10,070 --> 01:05:11,880
By the way...

1252
01:05:13,875 --> 01:05:15,715
I'm pregnant.

1253
01:05:16,015 --> 01:05:18,995
- The Earth is lost,

1254
01:05:19,330 --> 01:05:21,680
hurtling through time and space.

1255
01:05:22,390 --> 01:05:24,990
There are evil forces at play.

1256
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:29,679
(sighs)

1257
01:05:29,745 --> 01:05:31,745
I remember.

1258
01:05:31,946 --> 01:05:35,746
I remember when they canceled
the San Diego Comic-Con.

1259
01:05:37,265 --> 01:05:39,265
It...(chuckles ironically)

1260
01:05:39,460 --> 01:05:43,080
it seems like so long ago now, I mean...

1261
01:05:43,431 --> 01:05:47,921
(sighs) I had it pretty good
before the virus hit, so...

1262
01:05:48,500 --> 01:05:52,480
Didn't know how good I had it, actually.

1263
01:05:54,655 --> 01:05:56,655
And then it hit.

1264
01:05:59,465 --> 01:06:01,595
I tried to keep together
as long as I could.

1265
01:06:01,701 --> 01:06:04,961
I mean, I did a really good job
of lyin' to myself.

1266
01:06:06,545 --> 01:06:08,759
But...(sighs)

1267
01:06:08,825 --> 01:06:10,825
we became trapped.

1268
01:06:11,230 --> 01:06:14,400
Trapped in our homes,

1269
01:06:15,670 --> 01:06:17,670
in our minds.

1270
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:21,014
But lately?

1271
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:24,260
(sighs deeply)

1272
01:06:24,330 --> 01:06:27,490
Lately I've been thinking like a prisoner.

1273
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:33,950
And a prisoner
only thinks about one thing.

1274
01:06:35,436 --> 01:06:36,619
Escape.

1275
01:06:36,685 --> 01:06:39,804
- We have all become space explorers.

1276
01:06:39,870 --> 01:06:42,280
Intergalactic travelers.

1277
01:06:42,395 --> 01:06:45,795
Most of us think life is a funky journey.

1278
01:06:46,150 --> 01:06:47,600
It's not.

1279
01:06:47,666 --> 01:06:52,556
The truth is, we are all arriving
and departing at the same time.

1280
01:06:53,190 --> 01:06:55,190
Will we survive this?

1281
01:06:55,295 --> 01:06:56,914
We can.

1282
01:06:56,980 --> 01:07:01,270
To do so, we must all collectively
become something more than human.

1283
01:07:01,550 --> 01:07:04,620
We must become... superhuman.

1284
01:07:05,380 --> 01:07:08,010
Start creating your origin stories,

1285
01:07:08,150 --> 01:07:09,774
hone your abilities,

1286
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:11,840
step outside yourself.

1287
01:07:12,330 --> 01:07:16,230
I have faith we will all be stars.

1288
01:07:16,805 --> 01:07:19,255
- I'm not from this Earth,

1289
01:07:20,940 --> 01:07:23,680
but I've been watching you for eons.

1290
01:07:25,245 --> 01:07:27,055
You're all really interesting.

1291
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:30,220
You have so much work to do.

1292
01:07:30,300 --> 01:07:32,300
Like, so much work.

1293
01:07:33,475 --> 01:07:34,615
(dog whines)

1294
01:07:34,685 --> 01:07:36,310
What are some of you even doing?

1295
01:07:36,376 --> 01:07:38,730
You know who you are, too.

1296
01:07:38,915 --> 01:07:40,319
Stop that!

1297
01:07:40,385 --> 01:07:42,109
I don't like to talk, but,

1298
01:07:42,175 --> 01:07:43,819
my whole planet's laughing at you.

1299
01:07:43,885 --> 01:07:46,345
Especially Mongo.

1300
01:07:46,695 --> 01:07:48,330
That good-hearted son-of-a-gun,

1301
01:07:48,396 --> 01:07:51,340
he has a penetrating laugh.

1302
01:07:51,855 --> 01:07:54,175
Good guy. (giggles)

1303
01:07:55,331 --> 01:07:57,331
You're in a bit of trouble.

1304
01:07:57,735 --> 01:07:59,115
He's watching you.

1305
01:07:59,181 --> 01:08:01,110
The worst is coming.

1306
01:08:01,180 --> 01:08:04,151
Shhh!

1307
01:08:04,235 --> 01:08:06,235
You can get out of this.

1308
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:08,264
Escape.

1309
01:08:08,330 --> 01:08:12,070
(dog pants)

1310
01:08:13,010 --> 01:08:16,760
- Do not listen to them.

1311
01:08:17,310 --> 01:08:22,250
This, my friends, is the end.

1312
01:08:22,605 --> 01:08:24,915
I am here to tell you

1313
01:08:25,125 --> 01:08:29,465
that my master has a plan.

1314
01:08:30,775 --> 01:08:33,275
I call it a master plan.

1315
01:08:34,340 --> 01:08:37,480
First, I take this dog,

1316
01:08:37,657 --> 01:08:41,757
and I put him into the
Atomic Plasma Redistributor.

1317
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:48,930
Then, I turn the Earth's skies

1318
01:08:49,355 --> 01:08:51,355
blood red.

1319
01:08:52,605 --> 01:08:54,605
Then...

1320
01:08:55,405 --> 01:09:01,155
I raise my hand into the sky,

1321
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:05,770
and I push the Earth forward

1322
01:09:06,010 --> 01:09:09,720
into its own inevitable demise.

1323
01:09:10,165 --> 01:09:12,815
The end of everything!

1324
01:09:12,886 --> 01:09:17,605
(evil laugh)

1325
01:09:17,671 --> 01:09:23,031
This is why you spend good quality time

1326
01:09:23,196 --> 01:09:27,106
with your children. (laughs)

1327
01:09:27,295 --> 01:09:30,655
Evil shall rule.

1328
01:09:30,796 --> 01:09:33,566
(evil laugh)

1329
01:09:34,010 --> 01:09:36,010
- This is it.

1330
01:09:37,500 --> 01:09:40,680
You've all lost.

1331
01:09:40,935 --> 01:09:42,935
(chuckles)

1332
01:09:45,585 --> 01:09:47,585
You feel terrible,

1333
01:09:48,080 --> 01:09:50,080
bad about yourself.

1334
01:09:52,395 --> 01:09:55,575
Everyone has abandoned you.

1335
01:09:58,826 --> 01:10:00,826
Your thoughts don't matter.

1336
01:10:01,990 --> 01:10:04,960
You don't matter.

1337
01:10:06,140 --> 01:10:08,640
You're on unemployment.

1338
01:10:09,315 --> 01:10:11,715
Your jobs have closed.

1339
01:10:12,239 --> 01:10:15,859
(evil laugh)

1340
01:10:16,825 --> 01:10:18,449
No more theater,

1341
01:10:18,515 --> 01:10:20,515
no more movies.

1342
01:10:22,125 --> 01:10:26,985
Everything you have
built your life towards,

1343
01:10:27,925 --> 01:10:30,505
is gone. (laughs)

1344
01:10:31,905 --> 01:10:33,905
Ah.

1345
01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:36,689
You're done.

1346
01:10:36,755 --> 01:10:39,625
Your life is invalidated.

1347
01:10:40,811 --> 01:10:42,811
My master has come for you.

1348
01:10:43,185 --> 01:10:45,185
Master Dark.

1349
01:10:46,066 --> 01:10:48,219
Accept his offering.

1350
01:10:48,285 --> 01:10:49,934
It is death.

1351
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,000
No.

1352
01:10:55,685 --> 01:10:59,365
(chuckles) No more life.

1353
01:11:00,415 --> 01:11:02,545
No more Comic Cons.

1354
01:11:02,945 --> 01:11:06,605
No more dressing up.

1355
01:11:09,235 --> 01:11:12,455
Good doesn't always triumph over evil.

1356
01:11:14,185 --> 01:11:16,185
This?
(taps table)

1357
01:11:16,695 --> 01:11:18,695
This is the end.

1358
01:11:19,381 --> 01:11:21,116
(static)
- Hi, my name is April,

1359
01:11:21,182 --> 01:11:23,154
and I'm here to report the news.

1360
01:11:23,220 --> 01:11:25,189
The world has gone to hell,

1361
01:11:25,255 --> 01:11:28,015
faster than the last season
of Game of Thrones.

1362
01:11:28,195 --> 01:11:31,126
To recap, Planet Earth got put
into another dimension

1363
01:11:31,192 --> 01:11:33,450
and was pushed forward in time.

1364
01:11:33,690 --> 01:11:35,344
Great job, Earth heroes.

1365
01:11:35,410 --> 01:11:37,410
You all suck.

1366
01:11:37,630 --> 01:11:40,057
Except for the four guys
dressed as turtles

1367
01:11:40,123 --> 01:11:42,075
that are fighting out there.

1368
01:11:42,535 --> 01:11:43,522
Mmm.

1369
01:11:43,588 --> 01:11:46,250
These turtles are frickin' ninjas.

1370
01:11:47,130 --> 01:11:49,100
(sighs)

1371
01:11:49,166 --> 01:11:53,886
I volunteer as tribute to have each
of their babies.

1372
01:11:54,225 --> 01:11:58,145
401-876-7664.

1373
01:11:58,490 --> 01:12:01,960
I want a turtle baby.

1374
01:12:02,825 --> 01:12:05,469
Call or text me any time of night.

1375
01:12:05,535 --> 01:12:06,899
Oh, god.

1376
01:12:06,965 --> 01:12:09,705
Why is it so hot in here?

1377
01:12:10,610 --> 01:12:12,390
Hoo!

1378
01:12:12,460 --> 01:12:14,264
I haven't been this hot

1379
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,494
since I learned that
former President Jimmy Carter

1380
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:18,560
had a peanut farm.

1381
01:12:19,135 --> 01:12:20,875
Mmm.

1382
01:12:20,945 --> 01:12:25,295
I would have former President
Jimmy Carter's peanut baby, too.

1383
01:12:25,990 --> 01:12:27,374
Mmm.

1384
01:12:27,440 --> 01:12:29,440
Call me, Jimmy.

1385
01:12:30,765 --> 01:12:33,635
Ugh, mm, so yeah. The world.

1386
01:12:34,880 --> 01:12:36,880
Yeah, things are looking bad again.

1387
01:12:38,030 --> 01:12:41,500
Life is full of ups and downs,

1388
01:12:42,095 --> 01:12:44,665
and I know you're all hurting, but listen.

1389
01:12:45,485 --> 01:12:47,485
Pick yourself up.

1390
01:12:48,205 --> 01:12:50,205
You have the strength.

1391
01:12:50,835 --> 01:12:52,835
Take my hand.

1392
01:12:53,360 --> 01:12:57,060
You can do something no one else can do.

1393
01:12:58,016 --> 01:13:01,356
You can change the news for yourself.

1394
01:13:03,750 --> 01:13:06,159
Now, what will you decide?
(static)

1395
01:13:06,225 --> 01:13:07,865
- (Lone Hero voiceover) I get out of bed,

1396
01:13:07,940 --> 01:13:09,373
ready.

1397
01:13:09,485 --> 01:13:13,864
I shower, I brush my teeth.

1398
01:13:13,930 --> 01:13:16,214
I get funky fresh,

1399
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:18,359
grab the yardsticks of justice,

1400
01:13:18,425 --> 01:13:20,559
and I ride.
(imitates motorcycle engine)

1401
01:13:20,625 --> 01:13:24,265
Everyone must social distance.

1402
01:13:25,005 --> 01:13:28,775
There is a man, a maskless man.

1403
01:13:29,070 --> 01:13:32,204
The maskless marauding menace
must be stopped!

1404
01:13:32,270 --> 01:13:36,619
And I will find him.
(imitates motorcycle engine)

1405
01:13:36,685 --> 01:13:38,319
I found him.

1406
01:13:38,385 --> 01:13:41,775
I see... those eyes,

1407
01:13:42,295 --> 01:13:44,295
that hair,

1408
01:13:44,366 --> 01:13:46,366
that peach fuzz.

1409
01:13:46,436 --> 01:13:50,766
(imitates saxophone music)
And so the seduction begins.

1410
01:13:51,440 --> 01:13:53,440
He seduces me.

1411
01:13:55,055 --> 01:13:59,455
I seduce him.

1412
01:14:00,246 --> 01:14:04,106
I become... pregnant.

1413
01:14:04,439 --> 01:14:10,229
We have a beautiful, bouncing baby boy.

1414
01:14:10,440 --> 01:14:12,164
(groans nervously)

1415
01:14:12,230 --> 01:14:14,940
Our love starts going downhill.

1416
01:14:15,015 --> 01:14:17,465
We become a modern family.

1417
01:14:17,571 --> 01:14:20,220
Why am I still playing the saxophone?

1418
01:14:20,286 --> 01:14:22,210
This isn't funny anymore.

1419
01:14:22,276 --> 01:14:23,390
What is going on?

1420
01:14:23,456 --> 01:14:24,466
Wait a second!

1421
01:14:24,532 --> 01:14:26,249
He's actually me?

1422
01:14:26,315 --> 01:14:29,035
He's been me the whole time?

1423
01:14:29,101 --> 01:14:30,666
Stop.
(saxophone imitation stops)

1424
01:14:30,732 --> 01:14:34,080
I don't understand what's...

1425
01:14:34,146 --> 01:14:35,810
(baby giggles)
(imitates motorcycle engine)

1426
01:14:35,876 --> 01:14:37,310
I gotta get outta here.

1427
01:14:37,376 --> 01:14:39,440
I gotta go, I gotta run!

1428
01:14:39,506 --> 01:14:41,300
- Hey! (giggles)

1429
01:14:41,366 --> 01:14:43,361
You're having a bad dream.

1430
01:14:43,427 --> 01:14:46,087
(gasps)
(heavy breathing)

1431
01:14:46,474 --> 01:14:48,474
(breathing slows)

1432
01:14:48,615 --> 01:14:51,009
- Oh just... just a dream.

1433
01:14:51,075 --> 01:14:53,075
(imitates helmet squeaking)
Thank god.

1434
01:14:53,650 --> 01:14:56,500
- (Ronny) Bonny's making us
patrol the neighborhood.

1435
01:14:56,995 --> 01:14:58,825
- Everybody's got to do their part.

1436
01:14:58,949 --> 01:15:01,425
I mean, this world is doomed and all, and

1437
01:15:01,495 --> 01:15:03,309
hurling into god knows what.

1438
01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:07,095
But every night, we dress up
and become vigilantes.

1439
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,910
- After 20 minutes, I want to take a nap.

1440
01:15:11,005 --> 01:15:13,425
- That's why you gotta
pack the juice boxes.

1441
01:15:13,740 --> 01:15:15,740
- I do like a good juice box.

1442
01:15:16,475 --> 01:15:19,395
- We haven't stopped any real crimes.

1443
01:15:19,750 --> 01:15:22,440
- We did save that cat from that tree.

1444
01:15:22,625 --> 01:15:25,534
- And we did stop that guy
from breaking into the Klopeks'.

1445
01:15:25,600 --> 01:15:27,389
Turned out to be an Uber Eats driver.

1446
01:15:27,455 --> 01:15:28,774
Wear a name tag.

1447
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:30,124
Is that so hard?

1448
01:15:30,190 --> 01:15:31,552
- You gotta wear a name tag.

1449
01:15:31,618 --> 01:15:33,595
This is suburbia.

1450
01:15:34,026 --> 01:15:36,270
Look, the marriage counselor said

1451
01:15:36,336 --> 01:15:39,526
we need to spend more activities together.

1452
01:15:40,040 --> 01:15:42,760
This costume's rising on my caboose.

1453
01:15:42,855 --> 01:15:44,855
I can't wait to take it off every night.

1454
01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:47,149
- I think it looks great.

1455
01:15:47,215 --> 01:15:49,795
It looks the hottest you've been in years.

1456
01:15:50,125 --> 01:15:52,755
- The costume stays on!

1457
01:15:52,870 --> 01:15:54,870
Mazel tov!

1458
01:15:57,440 --> 01:16:00,010
- There are others we run into sometimes.

1459
01:16:00,116 --> 01:16:03,656
A lot of times, we run into different guys
who think they're Spider-Man.

1460
01:16:03,725 --> 01:16:05,725
But they're all nuts.

1461
01:16:06,816 --> 01:16:07,810
- That's right.

1462
01:16:07,876 --> 01:16:09,876
I'm Spider-Man. Whoo!

1463
01:16:10,690 --> 01:16:11,814
Today I fought a guy,

1464
01:16:11,880 --> 01:16:14,360
looked like me, dressed like me,
might've been me.

1465
01:16:14,600 --> 01:16:16,600
I'll tell ya, if I ever see him again,

1466
01:16:16,740 --> 01:16:18,990
he's finished, life over.
(claps hands)

1467
01:16:19,860 --> 01:16:22,610
What, you mean Spider-Man doesn't kill?

1468
01:16:23,530 --> 01:16:25,960
Uh, you know what?
Spider-Man doesn't kill,

1469
01:16:26,310 --> 01:16:28,070
starting tomorrow.

1470
01:16:28,166 --> 01:16:30,346
Spider-Clone, I am coming for you.

1471
01:16:32,771 --> 01:16:36,489
- I wish that guy would stop
calling me Spider-Clone.

1472
01:16:36,555 --> 01:16:38,975
I'm a firefighter, for god sakes.

1473
01:16:39,570 --> 01:16:41,844
(sighs)
Every night we're called to his house

1474
01:16:41,910 --> 01:16:43,910
to get him out of the tree.

1475
01:16:44,697 --> 01:16:46,639
(scoffs)

1476
01:16:46,705 --> 01:16:50,005
You know, a lot of our calls
are cosplayers who get stuck in trees?

1477
01:16:51,085 --> 01:16:53,085
And other places.

1478
01:16:54,460 --> 01:16:55,646
One night,

1479
01:16:55,755 --> 01:16:59,239
we had to get Green Lantern
off a roof of a Tim Hortons.

1480
01:16:59,305 --> 01:17:01,004
(chuckles)

1481
01:17:01,070 --> 01:17:03,530
He was up there for 14 hours.

1482
01:17:05,095 --> 01:17:08,204
Darkest Night, or
whatever floats his boat, I guess.

1483
01:17:08,270 --> 01:17:09,430
(laughs)

1484
01:17:09,501 --> 01:17:11,501
- I killed someone tonight.

1485
01:17:12,600 --> 01:17:14,480
It wasn't my first.

1486
01:17:14,586 --> 01:17:16,816
(chuckles humorlessly)
Far from it.

1487
01:17:19,925 --> 01:17:22,565
(sighs) Who's the first person I killed?

1488
01:17:24,366 --> 01:17:26,366
A 12-year-old kid.

1489
01:17:27,835 --> 01:17:29,835
He was with his parents.

1490
01:17:29,995 --> 01:17:31,659
I did it right in front of them.

1491
01:17:31,725 --> 01:17:33,725
Well, his parents didn't really see it,

1492
01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:36,320
but, um, I just took my knife out,
(knife clicks open)

1493
01:17:36,625 --> 01:17:37,954
this knife,

1494
01:17:38,020 --> 01:17:40,570
and I just stabbed him right in the side

1495
01:17:41,350 --> 01:17:43,350
and walked away.

1496
01:17:44,520 --> 01:17:46,520
His parents were flippin' out, and

1497
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:49,730
they didn't know why
their son was dying, but

1498
01:17:50,580 --> 01:17:52,580
I did.

1499
01:17:52,790 --> 01:17:54,790
(sips)

1500
01:17:55,705 --> 01:17:57,705
My only regret is not

1501
01:17:58,490 --> 01:18:00,459
taking something to

1502
01:18:00,525 --> 01:18:02,525
remember the experience by.

1503
01:18:04,398 --> 01:18:06,838
I mean, think of it as a visual cue.

1504
01:18:07,220 --> 01:18:09,220
Like...(sighs)

1505
01:18:10,111 --> 01:18:13,941
My mind just goes back
to that exact moment, like, uh...

1506
01:18:14,047 --> 01:18:15,930
music.

1507
01:18:16,810 --> 01:18:19,490
I can experience everything.

1508
01:18:19,585 --> 01:18:21,585
The whole thing, the...

1509
01:18:21,890 --> 01:18:23,890
the feelings, the...

1510
01:18:24,925 --> 01:18:26,925
the air.

1511
01:18:27,620 --> 01:18:29,620
You know, I think about

1512
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:33,524
having all these keepsakes and just
laying them across my bed,

1513
01:18:33,590 --> 01:18:35,590
so I can lie next to them.

1514
01:18:36,010 --> 01:18:38,010
You know, I would love to just

1515
01:18:38,210 --> 01:18:40,560
have them, and I don't, and...

1516
01:18:43,496 --> 01:18:45,430
it's just something I get off on.

1517
01:18:45,496 --> 01:18:47,030
(chuckles)

1518
01:18:47,096 --> 01:18:48,360
(knife thunks on table)

1519
01:18:48,426 --> 01:18:50,360
(gun magazine clicks)

1520
01:18:50,426 --> 01:18:51,960
(gun cocks)

1521
01:18:52,429 --> 01:18:54,010
(sighs)

1522
01:18:54,076 --> 01:18:56,270
I mean, I... I honestly don't like guns.

1523
01:18:56,336 --> 01:18:58,270
(laughs) Honest, it's too messy.

1524
01:18:58,336 --> 01:18:59,980
But this one,

1525
01:19:00,046 --> 01:19:03,106
this one is mostly

1526
01:19:04,096 --> 01:19:06,096
to defend myself.

1527
01:19:07,625 --> 01:19:09,225
I mean,

1528
01:19:09,330 --> 01:19:12,204
look around you, I mean,
society is falling apart.

1529
01:19:12,270 --> 01:19:14,980
It's just a bunch of cosplayers just

1530
01:19:15,070 --> 01:19:18,600
runnin' around playin'
Batman and Robin, like, and...

1531
01:19:19,350 --> 01:19:22,410
you know, there are no heroes left.

1532
01:19:23,060 --> 01:19:24,694
And Batman never killed anybody.

1533
01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:27,390
He doesn't do what it takes.

1534
01:19:32,036 --> 01:19:34,036
I'll show them reality.

1535
01:19:36,604 --> 01:19:39,154
Man, I am just getting so sick

1536
01:19:39,220 --> 01:19:41,448
of the... the noise!

1537
01:19:41,514 --> 01:19:46,074
I really, really prefer quiet.

1538
01:19:48,534 --> 01:19:50,534
(places gun on table)

1539
01:19:51,529 --> 01:19:53,529
(sips drink)
(glass thunks on table)

1540
01:19:54,100 --> 01:19:56,100
(sighs)

1541
01:19:56,260 --> 01:19:58,229
And it's just not quiet yet, is it?

1542
01:19:58,295 --> 01:19:59,394
Is it?
- Yeah,

1543
01:19:59,460 --> 01:20:01,194
I punched the ginger in the face.

1544
01:20:01,260 --> 01:20:04,019
And I'm not even a violent person,
I don't believe in violence, okay?

1545
01:20:04,085 --> 01:20:06,215
Me? I'm a people person.

1546
01:20:06,560 --> 01:20:09,469
And I usually love gingers, also.

1547
01:20:09,535 --> 01:20:11,169
I was gonna become one once,

1548
01:20:11,235 --> 01:20:13,134
and then, you know,

1549
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:15,200
the hair fell out, so...

1550
01:20:15,706 --> 01:20:17,449
Who's hungry?
I, you know, okay.

1551
01:20:17,515 --> 01:20:19,515
- This? This is it.

1552
01:20:19,750 --> 01:20:21,990
I'm no longer just a guy in a cosplay,

1553
01:20:22,210 --> 01:20:24,210
I'm a fully-functional superhero.

1554
01:20:24,615 --> 01:20:26,615
All those days of playing video games?

1555
01:20:26,740 --> 01:20:28,740
They're really gonna pay off.

1556
01:20:29,160 --> 01:20:31,095
Am I about to fly off into the sky?

1557
01:20:31,161 --> 01:20:33,125
Who knows? Maybe I'll die.

1558
01:20:33,465 --> 01:20:34,795
But my mom,

1559
01:20:34,865 --> 01:20:36,865
she's really gonna be proud of me.

1560
01:20:37,115 --> 01:20:39,115
I love you, Mom!
(suit clicks)

1561
01:20:39,835 --> 01:20:41,835
(mask clicks in place)

1562
01:20:43,930 --> 01:20:47,190
- Given our mission, Mr. Messenger,

1563
01:20:47,485 --> 01:20:50,455
we must defend the dam.

1564
01:20:50,630 --> 01:20:52,589
- Villians are trying to destroy it.

1565
01:20:52,655 --> 01:20:53,645
- Yes.

1566
01:20:53,750 --> 01:20:54,750
And some guy

1567
01:20:54,816 --> 01:20:57,389
dressed as Captain America,

1568
01:20:57,455 --> 01:21:01,255
who looked really authoritative
in his uniform,

1569
01:21:01,415 --> 01:21:03,695
he gave us our assignment, so

1570
01:21:03,925 --> 01:21:06,135
we must defend the dam.

1571
01:21:06,835 --> 01:21:09,010
He looked really good in that uniform.

1572
01:21:09,076 --> 01:21:10,014
- Mom!

1573
01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:12,080
- I got his number.

1574
01:21:12,690 --> 01:21:14,690
- Okay, I'm leaving.
You're on your own, Isis.

1575
01:21:14,760 --> 01:21:16,539
- Oh, but Messenger,

1576
01:21:16,605 --> 01:21:19,875
Isis needs you to help defend the dam.

1577
01:21:20,535 --> 01:21:21,895
Ah, well.

1578
01:21:22,065 --> 01:21:23,739
- Just got back from
a night of crime-fighting.

1579
01:21:23,805 --> 01:21:25,365
(sighs with disgust)
Yeah.

1580
01:21:25,450 --> 01:21:27,009
I fought some guys who were

1581
01:21:27,075 --> 01:21:29,975
shopping during senior hours at a Wegmans.

1582
01:21:30,100 --> 01:21:31,654
They threw eggs at me.
(scoffs)

1583
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:32,859
But don't worry.

1584
01:21:32,925 --> 01:21:34,499
I stopped them.

1585
01:21:34,565 --> 01:21:38,004
Then, this little old lady
with a walker came over,

1586
01:21:38,070 --> 01:21:40,039
and she pinched my butt.

1587
01:21:40,105 --> 01:21:42,039
"Nice butt," she said.
(scoffs)

1588
01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:44,477
Her husband, who had to be around 80,

1589
01:21:44,543 --> 01:21:45,961
came over and said,

1590
01:21:46,027 --> 01:21:48,795
"I agree. Wanna come over
and watch the Wheel?"

1591
01:21:49,195 --> 01:21:51,959
Well, I said, "Of course,
I love Wheel of Fortune."

1592
01:21:52,025 --> 01:21:53,268
(laughs)

1593
01:21:53,380 --> 01:21:55,349
Fighting crimes and making friends.

1594
01:21:55,415 --> 01:21:56,849
Ugh.

1595
01:21:56,915 --> 01:21:59,175
I'm gonna go over there at 6:30.

1596
01:21:59,855 --> 01:22:02,095
Time to clean up and make a quiche!

1597
01:22:02,220 --> 01:22:04,220
Ugh.

1598
01:22:04,445 --> 01:22:07,255
Superhero power! (laughs)

1599
01:22:07,415 --> 01:22:09,415
- I was over by the Midland Mall.

1600
01:22:09,525 --> 01:22:12,274
I used to go there all the time
to go to the arcade.

1601
01:22:12,340 --> 01:22:15,310
I was the master at Ms. Pac-Man.

1602
01:22:15,416 --> 01:22:18,876
People used to come far and wide
to see me, me play.

1603
01:22:19,745 --> 01:22:22,494
Anyway, I rode my bike over to the mall.

1604
01:22:22,560 --> 01:22:25,670
I saw these men wearing masks
taking out the arcade games.

1605
01:22:25,745 --> 01:22:28,045
And that's when I said
the magic word, "Kabam!",

1606
01:22:28,115 --> 01:22:30,635
and I became the superhero,
Captain Mighty.

1607
01:22:31,139 --> 01:22:33,619
I took them out.
They weren't gonna get away with it.

1608
01:22:35,514 --> 01:22:37,054
Yeah, turns out?

1609
01:22:37,195 --> 01:22:39,195
Th-they were FBI.

1610
01:22:39,265 --> 01:22:43,375
Arcade had some kind of scam going on.

1611
01:22:43,866 --> 01:22:45,380
The FBI were there as some,

1612
01:22:45,446 --> 01:22:48,596
as part of a...
some kind of sting operation.

1613
01:22:48,810 --> 01:22:52,990
And they were wearing masks
as a part of state guidelines.

1614
01:22:53,990 --> 01:22:56,700
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that...
that pretty much sucked.

1615
01:22:56,865 --> 01:23:00,315
- Yesterday, my daughter and I
went out and fought crime.

1616
01:23:00,755 --> 01:23:03,345
- I fought crime,
he cowered in the corner.

1617
01:23:03,490 --> 01:23:05,730
- I was letting you spread your wings!

1618
01:23:05,850 --> 01:23:07,620
- Is that why you were crying?

1619
01:23:07,815 --> 01:23:09,444
- Tears of joy!

1620
01:23:09,510 --> 01:23:12,400
- Is that why you were saying,
"Don't hurt me, please!"?

1621
01:23:12,735 --> 01:23:15,425
- I... I was talking about my shoes.

1622
01:23:16,320 --> 01:23:17,340
- Your shoes.

1623
01:23:17,406 --> 01:23:19,090
- I was so proud of you.

1624
01:23:19,156 --> 01:23:20,330
- Don't change the subject.

1625
01:23:20,396 --> 01:23:21,680
- I'm not changing the subject.

1626
01:23:21,746 --> 01:23:23,350
I was so proud of you, sweetie.

1627
01:23:23,416 --> 01:23:25,540
As a matter of fact,
I think you should drop out of college.

1628
01:23:25,606 --> 01:23:27,606
Then you can be my sidekick.

1629
01:23:29,130 --> 01:23:30,489
- Me?

1630
01:23:30,555 --> 01:23:31,744
The sidekick?

1631
01:23:31,810 --> 01:23:33,810
- Hey, I don't make the rules.

1632
01:23:33,895 --> 01:23:35,609
- And drop out of college?

1633
01:23:35,675 --> 01:23:38,979
- Yeah, you know, you're not havin'
really much fun there anyway, and

1634
01:23:39,045 --> 01:23:41,815
college is a pit of... (coughs)

1635
01:23:41,985 --> 01:23:43,624
a pit of despair.

1636
01:23:43,690 --> 01:23:45,690
And it'd be fun!

1637
01:23:46,265 --> 01:23:47,525
- That's your reasoning?

1638
01:23:47,645 --> 01:23:49,645
- I ain't wrong.

1639
01:23:50,464 --> 01:23:52,464
- It would be fun.

1640
01:23:52,790 --> 01:23:55,790
(giggles excitedly)
(rubs hands together)

1641
01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:58,130
- The bad guys did it.

1642
01:23:58,200 --> 01:23:59,619
They won.

1643
01:23:59,705 --> 01:24:01,089
We have hours.

1644
01:24:01,155 --> 01:24:03,375
Today's the last day.

1645
01:24:04,735 --> 01:24:08,795
You'd think I'd be... split on this one.

1646
01:24:10,890 --> 01:24:12,394
I'm not.

1647
01:24:12,460 --> 01:24:13,624
This sucks.

1648
01:24:13,690 --> 01:24:15,074
Everything sucks.

1649
01:24:15,140 --> 01:24:16,449
The bad guys won,

1650
01:24:16,515 --> 01:24:19,525
and the bad guys won because

1651
01:24:19,810 --> 01:24:22,664
bad guys like me
thought we weren't bad guys,

1652
01:24:22,730 --> 01:24:25,130
because we let fate decide everything.

1653
01:24:26,380 --> 01:24:28,940
(sighs)
We're all trapped in the

1654
01:24:29,190 --> 01:24:31,190
panels of a comic book.

1655
01:24:31,860 --> 01:24:33,860
Can we escape?

1656
01:24:34,555 --> 01:24:36,545
I say the odds are about 50-50.

1657
01:24:36,697 --> 01:24:39,020
(coin flips)

1658
01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:42,800
(distant bang)

1659
01:24:43,175 --> 01:24:44,805
- Yeah.

1660
01:24:44,875 --> 01:24:46,875
World is coming to a end.

1661
01:24:48,065 --> 01:24:49,684
The helicopters,

1662
01:24:49,770 --> 01:24:51,940
they're droppin' down from above.

1663
01:24:52,010 --> 01:24:54,010
The sky's turned red.

1664
01:24:54,745 --> 01:24:57,735
People are looting in the stores.
(distant banging)

1665
01:24:59,885 --> 01:25:01,885
We're all in trouble.

1666
01:25:02,015 --> 01:25:04,495
Somebody needs to stand up now!

1667
01:25:09,060 --> 01:25:11,060
Maybe it's me.

1668
01:25:11,810 --> 01:25:14,520
- I am the most powerful man

1669
01:25:14,785 --> 01:25:16,324
in the universe.

1670
01:25:16,390 --> 01:25:17,535
But the thing is,

1671
01:25:17,601 --> 01:25:20,145
I can only use my powers once.

1672
01:25:21,080 --> 01:25:22,589
The alien told me this.

1673
01:25:22,655 --> 01:25:24,655
My powers...

1674
01:25:26,484 --> 01:25:30,054
(sighs) well... they fix everything.

1675
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:32,125
All the knots, all the pain.

1676
01:25:32,235 --> 01:25:33,649
(sighs) I would do it.

1677
01:25:33,715 --> 01:25:35,915
I would do it, I would save the world.

1678
01:25:36,481 --> 01:25:39,304
(sighs) The entire galaxy, even.

1679
01:25:39,370 --> 01:25:41,226
I-I...

1680
01:25:41,335 --> 01:25:43,555
Except, yeah.

1681
01:25:43,960 --> 01:25:45,459
I die.

1682
01:25:45,525 --> 01:25:47,024
I die when it happens.

1683
01:25:47,090 --> 01:25:49,380
But yeah, I, I...

1684
01:25:49,675 --> 01:25:51,675
(sighs) I have a son.

1685
01:25:53,370 --> 01:25:56,370
I have a son, I have a son, I have a son.

1686
01:25:58,672 --> 01:26:01,632
(sighs slowly) He's everything.

1687
01:26:03,854 --> 01:26:06,064
I'm gonna kiss him on the forehead,

1688
01:26:07,844 --> 01:26:09,844
and I'm gonna say goodbye.

1689
01:26:12,960 --> 01:26:14,960
Don't feel bad for me.

1690
01:26:16,815 --> 01:26:18,815
It took me a long time

1691
01:26:19,924 --> 01:26:21,924
to come to terms with

1692
01:26:22,990 --> 01:26:25,410
all of it, so...

1693
01:26:27,810 --> 01:26:29,810
(sighs) Goodbye.

1694
01:26:34,930 --> 01:26:36,930
- The sky lit up.

1695
01:26:38,420 --> 01:26:40,420
It was our darkest moment here on Earth.

1696
01:26:41,875 --> 01:26:44,085
It was the brightest light
you could ever imagine.

1697
01:26:46,205 --> 01:26:48,205
You could see into space.

1698
01:26:49,400 --> 01:26:51,400
All of it.

1699
01:26:51,600 --> 01:26:53,094
Then the planet itself lit up,

1700
01:26:53,160 --> 01:26:55,690
and we all started
floating towards the sky,

1701
01:26:56,900 --> 01:26:58,900
weightless.

1702
01:26:59,305 --> 01:27:01,305
We all ascended to heaven.

1703
01:27:03,215 --> 01:27:05,985
The most amazing thing was,
nobody was scared.

1704
01:27:07,305 --> 01:27:09,305
I wasn't scared.

1705
01:27:10,010 --> 01:27:12,280
Maybe for the first time in my life.

1706
01:27:14,915 --> 01:27:16,915
We were all the same,

1707
01:27:17,570 --> 01:27:19,570
and it was beautiful.

1708
01:27:20,869 --> 01:27:22,869
Were we dead,

1709
01:27:23,560 --> 01:27:25,560
or dying?

1710
01:27:28,430 --> 01:27:31,440
We all floated towards
an opening in the sky.

1711
01:27:32,705 --> 01:27:34,705
I could see inside of it.

1712
01:27:37,040 --> 01:27:39,040
I was happy.

1713
01:27:40,315 --> 01:27:44,565
I was full of the joy
I had always wanted to feel for myself.

1714
01:27:46,413 --> 01:27:48,723
(sighs quietly)

1715
01:27:49,600 --> 01:27:51,600
Then there was an explosion.

1716
01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:58,390
We all saw a man hovering well above us.

1717
01:27:59,880 --> 01:28:01,880
He exploded.

1718
01:28:04,715 --> 01:28:06,715
And we all started to fall.

1719
01:28:09,466 --> 01:28:11,906
And then the world slowly faded.

1720
01:28:16,340 --> 01:28:18,860
And as I fell, I closed my eyes.

1721
01:28:20,595 --> 01:28:23,835
I closed my eyes as tight as I could,

1722
01:28:26,785 --> 01:28:28,785
just falling,

1723
01:28:30,304 --> 01:28:32,304
in peace.

1724
01:28:44,216 --> 01:28:46,216
(impact)

1725
01:28:51,580 --> 01:28:53,270
- (Lanie voiceover) When I woke up,

1726
01:28:53,365 --> 01:28:56,085
it was like a dark cloud had disappeared.

1727
01:28:56,710 --> 01:28:58,710
My soul felt lighter,

1728
01:28:58,905 --> 01:29:00,905
my heart was at ease.

1729
01:29:01,695 --> 01:29:03,695
Something had changed.

1730
01:29:03,955 --> 01:29:06,665
Something significant.

1731
01:29:07,660 --> 01:29:10,070
I had been on an adventure.

1732
01:29:11,535 --> 01:29:13,535
We all have.

1733
01:29:14,180 --> 01:29:16,320
I can't remember the adventure,

1734
01:29:16,765 --> 01:29:18,765
none of us could,

1735
01:29:19,205 --> 01:29:21,089
but it was a battle to the death

1736
01:29:21,155 --> 01:29:23,755
with an enemy none of us could see.

1737
01:29:24,630 --> 01:29:26,930
Something came to our universe.

1738
01:29:27,305 --> 01:29:29,305
We had casualties,

1739
01:29:29,625 --> 01:29:31,755
we lost so many people,

1740
01:29:31,865 --> 01:29:33,735
all at once.

1741
01:29:33,855 --> 01:29:35,855
So many souls.

1742
01:29:36,705 --> 01:29:38,705
I will mourn you.

1743
01:29:39,064 --> 01:29:41,064
Even if nobody else does,

1744
01:29:41,955 --> 01:29:43,955
I will.

1745
01:29:44,725 --> 01:29:46,404
I get up,

1746
01:29:46,470 --> 01:29:48,470
I open my curtains,

1747
01:29:48,725 --> 01:29:50,725
look outside,

1748
01:29:51,590 --> 01:29:53,590
and something is different.

1749
01:29:54,070 --> 01:29:57,180
Something I can't explain.

1750
01:29:58,445 --> 01:30:01,575
I then realized what it might be,

1751
01:30:01,750 --> 01:30:04,330
with one simple question:

1752
01:30:05,380 --> 01:30:07,380
What the heck year is this?!

1753
01:30:07,789 --> 01:30:09,789
(typing)

1754
01:30:14,804 --> 01:30:16,804
(typing)

1755
01:30:20,994 --> 01:30:22,994
(typing)

1756
01:30:26,969 --> 01:30:28,969
(triumphant music)
- People were different.

1757
01:30:29,180 --> 01:30:31,590
They stopped living in
such a defensive manner.

1758
01:30:32,204 --> 01:30:36,734
They took action to actually better
their lives and the world,

1759
01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:41,050
to do the things that they
really wanted to do.

1760
01:30:41,655 --> 01:30:44,145
Like binge-watch all of Supergirl.

1761
01:30:44,211 --> 01:30:46,120
I mean, come on.

1762
01:30:46,205 --> 01:30:48,205
How can you not?

1763
01:30:48,275 --> 01:30:51,425
I personally need to know
right now what is happening.

1764
01:30:52,466 --> 01:30:54,466
Just a personal fact.

1765
01:30:55,575 --> 01:30:57,194
People were better.

1766
01:30:57,260 --> 01:31:00,920
Rather than living
shallow, cowardly lives...

1767
01:31:02,690 --> 01:31:04,690
Although,

1768
01:31:04,975 --> 01:31:08,205
some of them were still pretty shallow.

1769
01:31:10,987 --> 01:31:15,987
And I guess that some of them were
pretty cowardly still.

1770
01:31:18,044 --> 01:31:20,514
So I guess my takeaway from this is that

1771
01:31:20,995 --> 01:31:22,199
things really don't change.

1772
01:31:22,265 --> 01:31:23,339
(record scratch)
(music stops abruptly)

1773
01:31:23,405 --> 01:31:25,405
Sorry for the misinformation.

1774
01:31:25,475 --> 01:31:26,879
- I finally decided

1775
01:31:26,945 --> 01:31:28,669
that I'm gonna be a cook.

1776
01:31:28,735 --> 01:31:31,445
And I'm thinking about
opening my own restaurant.

1777
01:31:32,350 --> 01:31:35,470
But one that serves
cosplayers exclusively.

1778
01:31:36,075 --> 01:31:38,665
Of course I'll follow the new dining laws.

1779
01:31:39,025 --> 01:31:41,025
It closed in a week.

1780
01:31:41,095 --> 01:31:43,095
- I decided to travel east.

1781
01:31:43,350 --> 01:31:46,980
I'm gonna climb Mount Washington
to the weather station on top.

1782
01:31:47,205 --> 01:31:50,395
I'm gonna learn the martial art Lollipop.

1783
01:31:52,054 --> 01:31:55,374
My teacher is gonna be
the weatherman that discovered

1784
01:31:55,440 --> 01:31:57,950
the perfect storm.

1785
01:31:58,505 --> 01:32:00,395
I would die for him.

1786
01:32:00,500 --> 01:32:03,004
He is badass!
(pounds chest)

1787
01:32:03,070 --> 01:32:05,070
(sighs happily)

1788
01:32:05,780 --> 01:32:09,310
- After 23 short years together,

1789
01:32:09,655 --> 01:32:11,879
she decided... (Kate clears throat)

1790
01:32:11,945 --> 01:32:13,945
I mean, we decided...

1791
01:32:14,475 --> 01:32:15,459
- Better.
(kiss)

1792
01:32:15,525 --> 01:32:17,525
- To get married.

1793
01:32:17,596 --> 01:32:20,476
- Bob was so nervous.

1794
01:32:20,556 --> 01:32:22,556
He gets so scared.

1795
01:32:23,214 --> 01:32:25,184
He still sucks his thumb.

1796
01:32:25,250 --> 01:32:26,384
- Proudly.

1797
01:32:26,450 --> 01:32:28,189
I mean, it's not like I carry around

1798
01:32:28,255 --> 01:32:30,564
a stuffed doll with me everywhere I go.

1799
01:32:30,630 --> 01:32:32,940
- He's an emotional support angel, Bob.

1800
01:32:33,030 --> 01:32:34,860
- So, yeah.

1801
01:32:34,966 --> 01:32:36,966
We're getting married.

1802
01:32:37,300 --> 01:32:39,620
- Uh... I'm pregnant.

1803
01:32:39,691 --> 01:32:41,821
- And having children.

1804
01:32:42,443 --> 01:32:44,853
(spits)
Wait, what?!

1805
01:32:46,303 --> 01:32:48,303
(Bob sucks thumb)
(Kate sighs)

1806
01:32:48,890 --> 01:32:52,240
- I'm going to be a fantasy character
and drift away.

1807
01:32:52,755 --> 01:32:55,175
Will you wave to me as I go by?

1808
01:32:56,420 --> 01:32:58,420
I hope you will.

1809
01:32:59,525 --> 01:33:01,525
The world's changed.

1810
01:33:02,025 --> 01:33:04,025
Where do we go from here?

1811
01:33:05,294 --> 01:33:07,294
Only God knows.

1812
01:33:07,805 --> 01:33:09,805
But...

1813
01:33:09,990 --> 01:33:11,990
I'm glad you made it.

1814
01:33:14,235 --> 01:33:16,235
- Bye, Mom. Off to fight crime.

1815
01:33:16,340 --> 01:33:18,730
- Um, to fight what?

1816
01:33:19,080 --> 01:33:20,550
- Crime.

1817
01:33:20,616 --> 01:33:22,655
- Um, yeah, okay.

1818
01:33:22,721 --> 01:33:24,591
Did you get your homework done?

1819
01:33:24,665 --> 01:33:26,905
- Mom, it's summer vacation.

1820
01:33:27,445 --> 01:33:29,489
- All right, well,
why don't you start in your bedroom,

1821
01:33:29,555 --> 01:33:32,025
because it looks like a
murder scene took place in there.

1822
01:33:33,425 --> 01:33:36,655
- But Johnny said he'd do it for me
because he loves me so much.

1823
01:33:37,100 --> 01:33:39,100
- What? I didn't say that.

1824
01:33:39,236 --> 01:33:41,236
- But be back by nine.

1825
01:33:41,445 --> 01:33:43,205
- 9:30.

1826
01:33:43,540 --> 01:33:45,130
- 9:30.

1827
01:33:45,236 --> 01:33:46,526
- Ten it is!

1828
01:33:47,630 --> 01:33:49,630
- My daughter tells me that

1829
01:33:49,870 --> 01:33:51,804
I should be a superhero.

1830
01:33:51,870 --> 01:33:54,310
(laughs) Imagine that.

1831
01:33:57,530 --> 01:33:58,880
(imitates takeoff)

1832
01:33:58,950 --> 01:34:00,950
And off we go!

1833
01:34:01,590 --> 01:34:02,638
I'm not gonna lie,

1834
01:34:02,704 --> 01:34:05,375
someone did try to steal
my purse one time,

1835
01:34:06,050 --> 01:34:08,019
and, uh...

1836
01:34:08,085 --> 01:34:10,085
bashed his teeth in!

1837
01:34:10,440 --> 01:34:13,060
(laughs)

1838
01:34:13,145 --> 01:34:14,535
Good memories.

1839
01:34:14,640 --> 01:34:15,720
(sighs)

1840
01:34:15,786 --> 01:34:18,056
Too bad it was
my first grade teacher, though.

1841
01:34:19,260 --> 01:34:21,260
It was really a bad scene.

1842
01:34:21,720 --> 01:34:24,600
- There is one truth in life.

1843
01:34:25,460 --> 01:34:28,140
When you do good things,

1844
01:34:28,210 --> 01:34:30,210
you are a hero.

1845
01:34:31,116 --> 01:34:36,226
Being a hero means something.

1846
01:34:37,145 --> 01:34:41,215
And anyone can be a hero.

1847
01:34:41,675 --> 01:34:43,675
Your neighbor,

1848
01:34:43,855 --> 01:34:45,855
your mother,

1849
01:34:46,095 --> 01:34:48,985
your Uber Eats driver,

1850
01:34:51,210 --> 01:34:54,360
your pizza delivery guy.

1851
01:34:56,395 --> 01:34:58,605
Maybe even me.

1852
01:34:59,520 --> 01:35:01,489
(sighs)

1853
01:35:01,555 --> 01:35:03,555
I'm a hero.

1854
01:35:03,685 --> 01:35:05,454
I'm a hero.

1855
01:35:05,520 --> 01:35:06,779
I'm a hero!

1856
01:35:06,845 --> 01:35:10,055
- We are all heroes, in our own way.

1857
01:35:10,366 --> 01:35:14,296
We all do small but significant acts

1858
01:35:14,465 --> 01:35:16,465
every single day,

1859
01:35:16,540 --> 01:35:18,850
even if we don't think we do.

1860
01:35:19,365 --> 01:35:22,115
Every choice matters,

1861
01:35:22,255 --> 01:35:24,845
so use each one wisely.

1862
01:35:25,130 --> 01:35:27,354
One second you're here, and the next...

1863
01:35:27,420 --> 01:35:31,144
- I went to the very first
Comic-Con in San Diego,

1864
01:35:31,210 --> 01:35:32,494
back in the 1970s.

1865
01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:35,610
The very first one. (laughs)

1866
01:35:35,770 --> 01:35:37,770
See, I'm an artist, and, um...

1867
01:35:37,850 --> 01:35:39,104
I'm trying to get into the field.

1868
01:35:39,170 --> 01:35:42,190
I've been trying for a very long time.

1869
01:35:42,910 --> 01:35:46,850
Drawing a comic has always been
a lifelong dream of mine.

1870
01:35:47,070 --> 01:35:49,860
Every... well, every year I

1871
01:35:49,930 --> 01:35:52,674
show my artwork to the editors, you know?

1872
01:35:52,740 --> 01:35:55,830
And for 45 years,
I've been showing them my artwork,

1873
01:35:56,041 --> 01:35:59,279
and I'm startin' to get in,
I think, you know?

1874
01:35:59,345 --> 01:36:02,059
And one of these days,
I'm gonna get my break.

1875
01:36:02,125 --> 01:36:04,229
(laughs)
Oh, um...

1876
01:36:04,295 --> 01:36:06,494
(chuckles)
Uh, let me show you this.

1877
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:08,184
I'm... I'm, um...

1878
01:36:08,250 --> 01:36:10,220
I did this for my grandson.

1879
01:36:10,286 --> 01:36:12,684
And, uh, it's his birthday, you know?

1880
01:36:12,750 --> 01:36:14,344
So he's gonna, he's gonna...

1881
01:36:14,410 --> 01:36:16,908
he's such a lucky kid,
he's gonna get a big kick out of this.

1882
01:36:16,974 --> 01:36:18,965
He's gonna love it, don't ya think?

1883
01:36:20,325 --> 01:36:22,704
- I just got off the phone
with my grandpa,

1884
01:36:22,770 --> 01:36:26,539
and he's going to take me
to the Comic-Con in San Diego!

1885
01:36:26,605 --> 01:36:29,669
I'm super excited, and it just reopened.

1886
01:36:29,735 --> 01:36:31,489
And this is my first one.

1887
01:36:31,555 --> 01:36:34,265
I hope he doesn't embarrass me.

1888
01:36:34,914 --> 01:36:37,584
He's totally going to embarrass me.

1889
01:36:38,125 --> 01:36:41,605
- Well, it took a whole lot longer
than they expected,

1890
01:36:43,085 --> 01:36:45,085
but,

1891
01:36:45,905 --> 01:36:48,835
the San Diego Comic-Con
is opening this year.

1892
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:52,280
(sighs happily)
I'm so excited.

1893
01:36:52,550 --> 01:36:54,550
My boyfriend's taking me.

1894
01:36:55,540 --> 01:36:58,210
I have no idea what to expect,

1895
01:36:59,595 --> 01:37:02,475
but I don't care, it'll be fun.

1896
01:37:02,550 --> 01:37:04,550
It'll be an adventure.

1897
01:37:06,040 --> 01:37:09,590
Is it true that comic fans don't bathe?

1898
01:37:11,105 --> 01:37:13,755
I can't believe that.
I think somebody's teasing me.

1899
01:37:13,896 --> 01:37:16,886
Comic fans not bathing.
(scoffs)

1900
01:37:17,704 --> 01:37:19,024
Crazy.

1901
01:37:19,255 --> 01:37:21,255
- My dad is taking me

1902
01:37:22,215 --> 01:37:24,215
to Comic-Con.

1903
01:37:24,675 --> 01:37:26,975
I have no idea what to wear.

1904
01:37:27,430 --> 01:37:29,430
My dad said that I needed to wear

1905
01:37:29,985 --> 01:37:31,985
a... a costume?

1906
01:37:33,620 --> 01:37:36,250
My dad is lame.

1907
01:37:36,745 --> 01:37:38,069
Does he realize

1908
01:37:38,135 --> 01:37:41,545
that how am I supposed to
dress up like a superhero or whatever

1909
01:37:41,855 --> 01:37:45,195
when I know nothing about them
at all, whatsoever?

1910
01:37:45,970 --> 01:37:47,710
I just don't see how that works.

1911
01:37:47,815 --> 01:37:48,862
And second of all,

1912
01:37:48,928 --> 01:37:52,550
I am definitely going to run into
someone from my school there.

1913
01:37:52,835 --> 01:37:54,084
And do you know what that means?

1914
01:37:54,150 --> 01:37:58,010
That's just bye-bye to my
social reputation.

1915
01:37:58,205 --> 01:38:00,205
Out the door.

1916
01:38:00,730 --> 01:38:02,730
(sighs)

1917
01:38:04,270 --> 01:38:06,480
I'm acting like I don't wanna go,

1918
01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:09,344
but I do.

1919
01:38:09,410 --> 01:38:13,150
I can't wait to dress up,
and I can't wait to go with my dad.

1920
01:38:16,640 --> 01:38:18,970
Just... don't tell him that.

1921
01:38:19,230 --> 01:38:22,770
- I finally figured out
who I want my first cosplay to be.

1922
01:38:23,040 --> 01:38:26,380
I am going to be Captain Marvel.

1923
01:38:27,110 --> 01:38:30,660
I was in a really bad place, but

1924
01:38:30,980 --> 01:38:33,220
then I started workin' on the costume.

1925
01:38:33,575 --> 01:38:35,719
Sewing for the first time in years.

1926
01:38:35,785 --> 01:38:37,624
My grandmother taught me how.

1927
01:38:37,690 --> 01:38:39,930
She died of COVID-19,

1928
01:38:39,996 --> 01:38:41,925
um, ten years ago.

1929
01:38:42,665 --> 01:38:46,395
But now, I'm sewing the costume

1930
01:38:46,466 --> 01:38:48,786
with the skills she taught me.

1931
01:38:49,540 --> 01:38:50,884
Hmm?

1932
01:38:50,950 --> 01:38:53,750
I mean, I've only just begun, so...

1933
01:38:54,726 --> 01:38:57,016
- I'm coming to Comic-Con

1934
01:38:57,100 --> 01:38:59,874
as the great god, Thor!

1935
01:38:59,940 --> 01:39:02,069
(laughs)
Not bad, huh?

1936
01:39:02,135 --> 01:39:04,795
I got the sword, I got a shield.

1937
01:39:05,110 --> 01:39:06,690
I'm gettin' the hammer, too.
(laughs)

1938
01:39:06,795 --> 01:39:09,464
Amazon UK did not let me down.

1939
01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:12,258
Got this great helmet.

1940
01:39:12,324 --> 01:39:14,149
I'm puttin' in the horns today.

1941
01:39:14,215 --> 01:39:16,805
Tomorrow, since the salons are open again,

1942
01:39:16,976 --> 01:39:18,631
I'm goin' to check out my wig guy,

1943
01:39:18,697 --> 01:39:21,065
and gettin' all this waxed, baby.

1944
01:39:21,335 --> 01:39:23,270
Like, Brazilian smooth.

1945
01:39:23,336 --> 01:39:24,466
It's gonna be sweet.

1946
01:39:24,550 --> 01:39:26,550
And best of all...

1947
01:39:28,296 --> 01:39:31,620
I'm single, ladies!
(laughs loudly)

1948
01:39:31,686 --> 01:39:33,686
And men over five foot ten.

1949
01:39:34,464 --> 01:39:35,534
Shh!

1950
01:39:35,640 --> 01:39:38,390
- My dad's taking me
to my very first Comic-Con.

1951
01:39:38,515 --> 01:39:40,515
I'm super excited.

1952
01:39:40,620 --> 01:39:42,319
Hey bud, get out here!

1953
01:39:42,385 --> 01:39:43,714
- (Nikki) Just give me a minute!

1954
01:39:43,780 --> 01:39:45,144
- Now, buster!

1955
01:39:45,210 --> 01:39:47,420
- (Nikki) All right, all right,
I'm ready, I'm ready.

1956
01:39:47,767 --> 01:39:49,697
(doors slide open)

1957
01:39:50,100 --> 01:39:52,570
(electric guitar chord)

1958
01:39:52,730 --> 01:39:55,230
- Why do you look like
my first grade teacher?

1959
01:39:55,375 --> 01:39:56,544
- I do not.

1960
01:39:56,610 --> 01:39:58,936
I'm Nikki Sixx from Kiss.

1961
01:39:59,002 --> 01:40:01,995
(electric guitar chord)

1962
01:40:02,800 --> 01:40:07,570
- It's like the World's Fair
of pop culture.

1963
01:40:08,820 --> 01:40:14,280
It brings people from
all over the world together.

1964
01:40:15,475 --> 01:40:17,475
And me?

1965
01:40:18,310 --> 01:40:20,600
Some of my best people

1966
01:40:20,745 --> 01:40:22,745
I've met at Comic-Con,

1967
01:40:24,200 --> 01:40:26,200
standing in line,

1968
01:40:26,979 --> 01:40:28,948
waiting in line.

1969
01:40:29,014 --> 01:40:31,014
Because we all know

1970
01:40:31,585 --> 01:40:33,875
it's about the journey,

1971
01:40:34,634 --> 01:40:38,004
and not the destination.

1972
01:40:38,850 --> 01:40:41,392
(clarinet melody)

1973
01:40:41,458 --> 01:40:43,907
(clarinet squeaks)
- Ooh! Oh, hello. (laughs)

1974
01:40:43,973 --> 01:40:46,943
Uh, you know, I was just
thinking about life.

1975
01:40:47,013 --> 01:40:49,123
Life is one heck of a journey.

1976
01:40:49,302 --> 01:40:51,076
Sometimes it's wonderful,

1977
01:40:51,142 --> 01:40:53,942
like having sex with a
beautiful man or woman,

1978
01:40:54,033 --> 01:40:56,077
and sometimes it's awful,

1979
01:40:56,143 --> 01:40:58,333
like having to sit through Forrest Gump,

1980
01:40:58,457 --> 01:41:00,297
or Pretty Women.

1981
01:41:00,363 --> 01:41:02,623
But, let me tell you this about that.

1982
01:41:03,108 --> 01:41:06,633
I've learned that paddling upstream
may not be the best thing.

1983
01:41:06,699 --> 01:41:08,987
When I was at Yale, we studied Taoism,

1984
01:41:09,058 --> 01:41:11,221
teaching you to flow with the current.

1985
01:41:11,287 --> 01:41:12,371
Don't fight nature.

1986
01:41:12,437 --> 01:41:15,118
We fight nature, we build our houses,

1987
01:41:15,184 --> 01:41:18,021
we chop down the trees
and we destroy the animals' homes,

1988
01:41:18,087 --> 01:41:19,372
and the animals come anyway

1989
01:41:19,438 --> 01:41:21,103
because they have
no place to live, and they...

1990
01:41:21,169 --> 01:41:23,387
the deer drop their ticks
and we get Lyme Disease,

1991
01:41:23,453 --> 01:41:24,447
and we get crippled.

1992
01:41:24,513 --> 01:41:25,867
Or we go to the wet markets

1993
01:41:25,933 --> 01:41:29,467
and eat pangolin and, uh,
dogs and god knows what else

1994
01:41:29,533 --> 01:41:33,313
in China, and we get, uh, COVID,
and the world dies!

1995
01:41:34,023 --> 01:41:37,343
Protect nature.
Swim with nature, walk with nature.

1996
01:41:37,412 --> 01:41:39,327
It's not a comic book convention

1997
01:41:39,393 --> 01:41:42,078
where all you have to do is
go against mobs of people

1998
01:41:42,144 --> 01:41:43,627
to get to the Troma booth.

1999
01:41:43,693 --> 01:41:44,972
This is life!

2000
01:41:45,038 --> 01:41:46,931
You! You must change it.

2001
01:41:46,997 --> 01:41:48,562
You must do your best. You.

2002
01:41:48,628 --> 01:41:50,000
You can be a hero.

2003
01:41:50,066 --> 01:41:52,029
Wear a... wear a superhero...

2004
01:41:52,095 --> 01:41:53,116
wear a... wear a cape,

2005
01:41:53,182 --> 01:41:56,012
and, and wear some kind of
spandex leotards, or...

2006
01:41:56,083 --> 01:41:58,436
or even better,
a nice little bikini bottom.

2007
01:41:58,502 --> 01:42:00,336
And get those wax jobs done.

2008
01:42:00,467 --> 01:42:02,456
Men or women, they're both delectable.

2009
01:42:02,522 --> 01:42:04,382
Anyway, think about this.

2010
01:42:04,448 --> 01:42:07,378
Be a superhero, change the world,
save the world.

2011
01:42:07,542 --> 01:42:09,922
It's up to you. And remember:

2012
01:42:10,183 --> 01:42:12,073
We're all in this together.

2013
01:42:12,178 --> 01:42:14,111
Hashtag MeToo.

2014
01:42:14,177 --> 01:42:15,287
You can do it.

2015
01:42:15,373 --> 01:42:16,907
I know you can.

2016
01:42:16,973 --> 01:42:18,221
I want you to do it.

2017
01:42:18,287 --> 01:42:20,827
So go out there, and be a hero.

2018
01:42:21,052 --> 01:42:23,052
Thank you.

2019
01:42:25,204 --> 01:42:32,943
("Modern Mozart" by Will Van De Commert)

2020
01:43:33,068 --> 01:43:35,321
(piano flourish)
- They thought they were so clever.

2021
01:43:36,713 --> 01:43:38,646
That I was stopped.

2022
01:43:38,712 --> 01:43:41,024
(music continues quietly in background)

2023
01:43:41,583 --> 01:43:43,583
But the thing is,

2024
01:43:45,205 --> 01:43:48,043
time has no effect on me.

2025
01:43:51,421 --> 01:43:53,421
I can wait.

2026
01:43:55,222 --> 01:43:57,997
While they all slowly die,

2027
01:43:58,951 --> 01:44:01,357
and the children die,

2028
01:44:03,804 --> 01:44:05,804
I can wait.

2029
01:44:10,049 --> 01:44:12,049
Here's the thing.

2030
01:44:14,330 --> 01:44:16,588
I've already had my revenge.

2031
01:44:19,110 --> 01:44:21,110
And so it goes.

2032
01:44:21,255 --> 01:44:23,255
(laughs)

2033
01:44:23,400 --> 01:44:26,095
What do I have planned next?

2034
01:44:27,457 --> 01:44:29,457
Well...

2035
01:44:30,346 --> 01:44:32,858
you won't even remember it.

2036
01:44:35,540 --> 01:44:38,043
Because it's already happened.

2037
01:44:40,337 --> 01:44:42,840
You've already lost.

2038
01:44:45,853 --> 01:44:47,712
A world will perish,

2039
01:44:47,778 --> 01:44:49,778
a world will live.

2040
01:44:50,655 --> 01:44:52,655
And nothing...

2041
01:44:54,889 --> 01:44:58,679
nothing will ever be the same again.

2042
01:44:58,880 --> 01:45:02,580
(music increases in volume)

2043
01:45:35,438 --> 01:45:37,981
- Mm, mm. Shawarma.

2044
01:45:38,047 --> 01:45:41,724
(grunts indistinctly)

2045
01:45:41,939 --> 01:45:44,408
Shawarma.

2046
01:45:44,541 --> 01:45:48,638
Ah, shawarma.
(breathes heavily)

2047
01:45:48,704 --> 01:45:50,704
Mmm. Sha...