1 00:00:00,179 --> 00:00:03,262 (projector whirring) 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:11,497 - [Man] It's gettin' ridiculous, it's really ridiculous. 5 00:00:11,497 --> 00:00:16,497 Yes, man, this is ridiculous, man, ridiculous. 6 00:00:20,202 --> 00:00:21,035 (chuckling) 7 00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,580 - I got you, girl, I got you right here. 8 00:00:22,580 --> 00:00:24,274 You go ahead, shake what your mama gave ya. 9 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,607 (chuckling) 10 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,706 You ain't supposed to be, whoa, whoa, whoa, 11 00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:34,450 whoa, whoa, whoa! 12 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:39,142 Oh, whoa, whoa, what the hell is going on? 13 00:00:39,142 --> 00:00:40,974 Who are you? 14 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,400 - Boogie's Comedy Center, this is my show. 15 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,470 - You not gettin' in there if I ain't gettin' in there 16 00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:46,460 'till your name is on, let me see if your name on the list. 17 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:47,622 What's your name? 18 00:00:47,622 --> 00:00:48,591 - I'm DeMarcus Cousins. 19 00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:49,578 - You DeMarcus Cousins? - Matter of fact, 20 00:00:49,578 --> 00:00:50,411 I'm on the list. 21 00:00:50,411 --> 00:00:52,948 - Wait, wait, wait, you DeMarcus Cousins? 22 00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:53,914 - Yes. 23 00:00:53,914 --> 00:00:55,313 - Hey, Jimmy Ray! 24 00:00:55,313 --> 00:00:57,183 Joe DeMarcus' cousin out here. 25 00:00:58,430 --> 00:01:00,690 When Jimmy Ray verify this, you get in, brother. 26 00:01:00,690 --> 00:01:01,850 Let me tell you, you a big boy. 27 00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:03,760 You need a first person that know it's gonna rain. 28 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,369 It's gonna be on you first, brother. 29 00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,040 - All right, let me-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, 30 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,153 Mr. Precipitation, wait a minute. 31 00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:12,030 - Can I see the list? 32 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,810 I'm a show you my name, it's right here. 33 00:01:13,810 --> 00:01:15,020 - You ain't on the list. 34 00:01:15,020 --> 00:01:16,112 - No, let me-- 35 00:01:16,112 --> 00:01:18,279 (yelling) 36 00:01:19,214 --> 00:01:20,767 - I need this list. 37 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:22,240 This what I'm talking about. 38 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,073 Goddamn it, what the-- 39 00:01:28,311 --> 00:01:29,351 We got a code green. 40 00:01:29,351 --> 00:01:31,934 (upbeat music) 41 00:01:34,207 --> 00:01:37,207 (audience cheering) 42 00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:05,697 ♪ I'm out of this world not your run of the mill n' ♪ 43 00:02:05,697 --> 00:02:07,094 - What's up, Oakland? 44 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:07,976 (audience cheering) 45 00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:10,642 ♪ I'm a stoner and I'm chillin' with two bitches like Jack ♪ 46 00:02:10,642 --> 00:02:12,847 ♪ I pimps and I mack drive a Benz and a 'lac ♪ 47 00:02:12,847 --> 00:02:15,313 ♪ Man I've been in the back wit the groupies and the stars ♪ 48 00:02:15,313 --> 00:02:17,697 ♪ I've been out front with the thugs and the guards ♪ 49 00:02:17,697 --> 00:02:20,060 ♪ I've been in the yard with the Mexican mafia ♪ 50 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:21,431 ♪ And I only run with niggas that'll kill and die for ya ♪ 51 00:02:21,431 --> 00:02:22,738 What's up, Oakland? 52 00:02:22,738 --> 00:02:24,633 ♪ I'm popular I'm a rap star ♪ 53 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,437 ♪ But I live like a rock star running from the cop cars ♪ 54 00:02:27,437 --> 00:02:29,809 ♪ I drop bars wit slaps that knock hard ♪ 55 00:02:29,809 --> 00:02:31,344 ♪ And I charge for this dick extra large ♪ 56 00:02:31,344 --> 00:02:33,464 Cut it off, cut it off, what's up, Oakland? 57 00:02:33,464 --> 00:02:35,522 (audience cheering) 58 00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:36,355 Yeah! 59 00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:41,450 Man, thank y'all for coming out to the third annual 60 00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,974 Boogie Cousins' Comedy Slam! 61 00:02:43,974 --> 00:02:46,260 (audience cheering and clapping) 62 00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:50,120 It's goin' down, I'm your host tonight! 63 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,986 Yeah, we in the Oak Town up in here tonight. 64 00:02:52,986 --> 00:02:55,370 (audience cheering) 65 00:02:55,370 --> 00:02:58,424 Ain't no pimps in the audience, they got jobs now. 66 00:02:58,424 --> 00:03:00,240 (audience laughing) 67 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,323 That's a sad thing to see, a pimp with a perm goin' to work, 68 00:03:03,323 --> 00:03:08,323 man, I got to go up here, they got me on third shift now, 69 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:09,521 you know what I mean? 70 00:03:09,521 --> 00:03:12,521 (audience laughing) 71 00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:16,044 All his hos died. 72 00:03:16,044 --> 00:03:17,890 (audience laughing) 73 00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:20,440 The world is crazy right now, man. 74 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,793 Jussie Smollett, Chicago is suing Jussie Smollett. 75 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,621 Yeah, Jussie, man, he pulled a fast one on us. 76 00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:30,370 (audience laughing) 77 00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:32,906 That was a threesome that went wrong right there. 78 00:03:32,906 --> 00:03:34,970 (audience laughing) 79 00:03:34,970 --> 00:03:37,440 That's fucked up, Donald Trump, man, he ain't right, man. 80 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,443 He cut the food stamps off, that was wrong, man! 81 00:03:40,443 --> 00:03:41,930 (audience laughing) 82 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,330 When he cut them food stamps off, I didn't see nobody 83 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:45,906 postin' no plates that week. 84 00:03:45,906 --> 00:03:48,320 (audience laughing) 85 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,310 Motherfuckers used to be on there, I got the mashed potato 86 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,332 with the rice, with the gravy. 87 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,930 (audience laughing) 88 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,235 They was posting God quotes all that week. 89 00:03:57,235 --> 00:03:58,660 (audience laughing) 90 00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:00,235 This too shall pass. 91 00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:02,060 (audience laughing) 92 00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,289 I seen one motherfucker just post a plate. 93 00:04:04,289 --> 00:04:07,289 (audience laughing) 94 00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:10,313 Yeah. 95 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,660 Oh, R. Kelly, that's a fucked up situation. 96 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:17,640 Everybody need help, the mama need, the parents, 97 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,763 R. Kelly, the kid, everybody need fuckin' help. 98 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,040 That's how that situation go. 99 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,573 I know when R. Kelly went to jail, that nigga 100 00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:28,470 that was in there singin' all them, winnin' all them 101 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:30,730 singing contests was madder than a motherfucker 102 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:31,988 when he walked in there. 103 00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,988 (audience laughing) 104 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,330 This nigga been winnin' all these Christmas contests 105 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:43,421 and shit and R. Kelly come up in that motherfucker. 106 00:04:43,421 --> 00:04:45,732 (humming) 107 00:04:45,732 --> 00:04:48,430 (audience laughing) 108 00:04:48,430 --> 00:04:50,640 We gonna have a good time tonight, man, we got some real 109 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,630 stars in the motherfuckin' house. 110 00:04:52,630 --> 00:04:55,363 We in Oakland, California, you know what I'm sayin'? 111 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,170 (audience cheering and clapping) 112 00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:59,740 The city of the yadada, the meme. 113 00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:02,333 (audience cheering) 114 00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:04,288 You know you meet a dude from Oakland, 115 00:05:04,288 --> 00:05:06,450 I don't give a fuck where you at, you can be in heaven, 116 00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:09,440 man, you can be all the way in heaven, say, man, 117 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,540 how you doin', my brother? 118 00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:11,421 He gonna say-- 119 00:05:11,421 --> 00:05:12,485 (humming) 120 00:05:12,485 --> 00:05:14,274 (audience laughing) 121 00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:16,088 I know where you from, man, shit. 122 00:05:16,088 --> 00:05:19,088 (audience laughing) 123 00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:22,370 We got them motherfuckin' Golden State Warriors 124 00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:23,514 in the house tonight. 125 00:05:23,514 --> 00:05:25,330 (audience cheering) 126 00:05:25,330 --> 00:05:26,378 Golden State! 127 00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:29,850 (audience cheering and clapping) 128 00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:31,770 Yeah, we got real legends in the house. 129 00:05:31,770 --> 00:05:33,230 My man, Steph Curry in the house, 130 00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:34,787 y'all give it up for Steph Curry. 131 00:05:34,787 --> 00:05:35,620 (audience cheering and clapping) 132 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:36,453 Steph. 133 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,800 Lookin' like a 10 year old out there and shit. 134 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,182 He be just playin' and shit, just throw the ball up. 135 00:05:45,182 --> 00:05:48,182 (audience laughing) 136 00:05:49,627 --> 00:05:51,841 I said, this motherfucker ain't even playing, man. 137 00:05:51,841 --> 00:05:53,390 (audience laughing) 138 00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:55,862 Motherfucker thing all in his mouth and shit. 139 00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:58,862 (audience laughing) 140 00:06:03,002 --> 00:06:04,483 I said, he don't give a fuck. 141 00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:07,690 (audience laughing) 142 00:06:07,690 --> 00:06:09,510 One more time for my man, Boogie Cousins 143 00:06:09,510 --> 00:06:11,299 for puttin' this down, my man, Boogie. 144 00:06:11,299 --> 00:06:13,063 (audience cheering and clapping) 145 00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:14,584 My man, Boogie! 146 00:06:14,584 --> 00:06:16,330 (audience cheering and clapping) 147 00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:19,313 That's the last of the big men in the NBA right there. 148 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,623 Yeah, man, he just walk through there like this, man. 149 00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:28,622 After he dunk, he got to do all kinda other shit, he be-- 150 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,703 (yelling) 151 00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:32,703 (audience laughing) 152 00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:37,317 Shit, my man, Draymond Green in the house! 153 00:06:37,317 --> 00:06:41,400 (audience cheering and clapping) 154 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,253 That motherfucker's crazy right there, 155 00:06:47,253 --> 00:06:49,250 that motherfucker, Green! 156 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:51,640 He get it in, yeah! 157 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,213 You need a motherfucker on the team like that. 158 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:55,850 (audience cheering) 159 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,053 He jump up in everybody's face. 160 00:06:58,053 --> 00:06:58,980 (audience laughing) 161 00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,020 I be watching 'em sic 'em on motherfuckers. 162 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,495 He be sittin' on the bench and somebody hit his leg. 163 00:07:03,495 --> 00:07:05,140 (audience laughing) 164 00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:07,535 And the coach'll just look at him and go like that. 165 00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:10,535 (audience laughing) 166 00:07:19,860 --> 00:07:21,300 I said, yeah, they done put that 167 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,212 crazy motherfucker in the game. 168 00:07:23,212 --> 00:07:24,598 (audience laughing) 169 00:07:24,598 --> 00:07:26,931 (chuckling) 170 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:29,753 Yeah. 171 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,243 Yeah, I tried to play basketball but I'm the type of nigga 172 00:07:33,243 --> 00:07:36,339 that don't play motherfuckin' defense 'till I hear the shot. 173 00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:37,960 (audience laughing) 174 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,840 Soon as I hear it, get back, get your man, 175 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,376 get your man, get back! 176 00:07:41,376 --> 00:07:42,209 (audience laughing) 177 00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:43,269 Get the fuck out of here, man, 178 00:07:43,269 --> 00:07:44,800 that's the first shot you hit all day. 179 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,800 (audience laughing) 180 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:51,420 I played on a basketball team but I wasn't that good. 181 00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:53,900 I thought I could play until the game. 182 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,290 You know how them dudes that can play ball 183 00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,640 until they get in the game? 184 00:07:57,530 --> 00:08:00,097 That was me right there, yeah, man 185 00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:03,010 and you know, after the game, he got all the players 186 00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:05,590 lined up, the coach be mad, everybody be standing 187 00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:08,080 in the line, he was just walking down, 188 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,111 cussing everybody out, you need to play hard! 189 00:08:12,111 --> 00:08:12,944 (audience laughing) 190 00:08:12,944 --> 00:08:16,268 He got right to me and said, "You are not Reggie Miller!" 191 00:08:16,268 --> 00:08:19,268 (audience laughing) 192 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,490 I tried to work a regular job but I'm the type 193 00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:23,880 of motherfucker that'll call in on Friday 194 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,288 and still come get my check. 195 00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:27,530 (audience laughing) 196 00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:28,430 You ever did that? 197 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:32,020 You was like, fuck that, man, I was sick this morning, 198 00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:33,685 I'm goin' up there and get that check. 199 00:08:33,685 --> 00:08:36,113 (audience laughing) 200 00:08:36,113 --> 00:08:38,266 Y'all ready for the first man comin' to the stage? 201 00:08:38,266 --> 00:08:39,820 (audience cheering and clapping) 202 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,450 Yeah! 203 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:43,610 Straight up out of Mississippi, you've seen this man 204 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,770 on "Wild n' Out," "Comic View," all of that. 205 00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:51,313 Give it up, put your hands together for Karlous Miller! 206 00:08:52,191 --> 00:08:54,123 (upbeat music) 207 00:08:54,123 --> 00:08:58,206 (audience cheering and clapping) 208 00:09:06,470 --> 00:09:08,800 - I didn't tell him to play that but I'm glad he played it. 209 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,301 What's goin' on, Oakland? 210 00:09:10,301 --> 00:09:11,134 (audience cheering and clapping) 211 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,310 Y'all got social love, boy. 212 00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,923 My nigga, Matt Barnes is in here, NBA legend. 213 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:18,756 (audience cheering) 214 00:09:18,756 --> 00:09:19,960 That's my favorite player. 215 00:09:21,610 --> 00:09:24,640 Only nigga in NBA history drive 200 miles, 216 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,114 whoop the coach ass. 217 00:09:26,114 --> 00:09:27,217 (audience laughing) 218 00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:29,600 (chuckling) 219 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,800 Retire, put his baby mama on child support. 220 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:33,633 (audience laughing) 221 00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:36,280 That is a fuckin' legend, I don't give a shit 222 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,523 what nobody say. 223 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:41,240 (chuckling) 224 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,132 Draymond Green, he in here, he sell Invisalign. 225 00:09:44,132 --> 00:09:45,370 (audience laughing) 226 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,312 How you gonna sell Invisalign, your shit ain't straight yet. 227 00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:51,312 (audience laughing) 228 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,613 Oh shit. 229 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,227 Boy, I been havin' a ball in Oakland. 230 00:09:57,227 --> 00:10:00,810 I love this goddamn city, y'all got the funniest 231 00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:03,113 homeless people I ever seen. 232 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,280 I gave a nigga three dollars, he act like those 233 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,899 were the three he needed to not be homeless no more. 234 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:09,732 (audience laughing) 235 00:10:09,732 --> 00:10:11,490 Soon as I gave him the money, you done put me back 236 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,057 in the motherfuckin' game. 237 00:10:13,057 --> 00:10:16,057 (audience laughing) 238 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,760 Nigga, tried to whistle at me, didn't even whistle, 239 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,040 just made the noise, nephew-- 240 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,231 (makes whistling noise) Come here. 241 00:10:21,231 --> 00:10:23,068 (audience laughing) 242 00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:23,950 (makes whistling noise) Let me holler at you 243 00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:25,296 right quick. 244 00:10:25,296 --> 00:10:27,342 (chuckling) 245 00:10:27,342 --> 00:10:30,342 (audience laughing) 246 00:10:32,259 --> 00:10:34,470 Y'all got homeless prostitutes. 247 00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:36,640 (audience laughing) 248 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,720 I'm sittin' at the red light, one lady just ran up 249 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,950 to the car and pulled her titties out, I locked my door, 250 00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:42,464 I was like, "This is awful." 251 00:10:42,464 --> 00:10:43,750 (audience laughing) 252 00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,396 Titties look like sweet potatoes, who did this? 253 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,229 (audience laughing) 254 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,981 The fuck is goin' on in Oakland? 255 00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:52,314 (chuckling) 256 00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:56,440 You can't even make jokes about shit no more, bruh. 257 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,240 Especially about the LMNOP community, 258 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,980 they'lll shut your whole shit down. 259 00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:02,980 (audience laughing) 260 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,420 You know, the LMNOP community, 261 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:08,473 they'll get your show shut down. 262 00:11:08,473 --> 00:11:10,341 (audience laughing) 263 00:11:10,341 --> 00:11:12,420 I don't even believe in that homophobic shit, 264 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:13,880 leave folks the fuck alone. 265 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,550 Half the time, you don't even know 266 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,239 these people are in the LMNOP community. 267 00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:19,350 (audience laughing) 268 00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:21,123 'Cause you, I don't know that shit. 269 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,650 I get into it with the dude at the airport this morning. 270 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:28,220 I'm at the Subway trying to get my little Subway sandwich. 271 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,680 I didn't know he was in the community 'till he looked down 272 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,386 at my sandwich and said, "Mm. 273 00:11:32,386 --> 00:11:35,754 (audience laughing) 274 00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:36,920 "You want the extra meat?" 275 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,528 Hell, no, I don't even want the sandwich now. 276 00:11:39,528 --> 00:11:40,361 (audience laughing) 277 00:11:40,361 --> 00:11:41,840 Let me get two of them cookies 278 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,598 and get the fuck on outta here. 279 00:11:43,598 --> 00:11:46,598 (audience laughing) 280 00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:49,483 Shit is changing out here, man. 281 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,069 The city girls done took over. 282 00:11:53,069 --> 00:11:54,960 (audience cheering) 283 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,557 All the ratchets right there. 284 00:11:56,557 --> 00:11:58,485 (audience laughing) 285 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,810 (chuckling) 286 00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:03,670 Bruh, these women now have changed, they trying to fuck 287 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:06,065 the shit out you and turn you into the bitch. 288 00:12:06,065 --> 00:12:08,077 (audience laughing) 289 00:12:08,077 --> 00:12:10,390 And they know exactly when they do it, that's the night 290 00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,961 you fall asleep on top of the cover with the soft dick, 291 00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:14,115 you can't even hide it. 292 00:12:14,115 --> 00:12:15,372 (audience laughing) 293 00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:18,277 She on FaceTime with her homegirl, yeah, bitch, another one, 294 00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:22,701 there, look it, pussy killer sleep sleep. 295 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,190 (audience laughing) 296 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,060 You on top of the cover with the soft dick, 297 00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:29,533 can't even hide it, it's time she know the real me. 298 00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,149 (audience laughing) 299 00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:33,740 (chuckling) 300 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,693 Shit too freaky, I had to Wolverine a bitch the other day. 301 00:12:36,693 --> 00:12:37,680 (audience laughing) 302 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,010 Yeah, she gonna grab my ass and squeeze it real hard 303 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,547 with both hands, I was like, "Bitch, don't you ever 304 00:12:42,547 --> 00:12:45,277 "disrespect me like that again, I don't know who you 305 00:12:45,277 --> 00:12:47,537 "been dealing with that let you squeeze on they ass 306 00:12:47,537 --> 00:12:49,524 "but I am somebody's father." 307 00:12:49,524 --> 00:12:50,357 (audience laughing) 308 00:12:50,357 --> 00:12:53,375 Don't fuckin' do me like that, I'm not with the new shit. 309 00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:55,430 (audience laughing) 310 00:12:55,430 --> 00:12:58,210 That's not even the most disrespectful shit she did. 311 00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,307 She gonna reach under my legs and over my thighs 312 00:13:00,307 --> 00:13:03,160 and scoot me down, don't fuckin' scoot me down. 313 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,010 Don't fuckin' scoot me down, if you need me to scoot down, 314 00:13:06,010 --> 00:13:09,368 you ask me to scoot down but don't fuckin' scoot me down. 315 00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:10,800 (audience laughing) 316 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,210 I'm a grown ass man, I'm somebody's father, 317 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:14,648 don't fuckin' scoot me down. 318 00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:15,481 (audience laughing) 319 00:13:15,481 --> 00:13:16,314 Look how the little dudes got quiet 320 00:13:16,314 --> 00:13:18,608 'cause they been scooted down before. 321 00:13:18,608 --> 00:13:20,799 (audience laughing) 322 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,647 All the big niggas like, I wish a bitch would scoot me down. 323 00:13:23,647 --> 00:13:24,680 (audience laughing) 324 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,355 Be a hole in the forehead for trying to scoot me down. 325 00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:28,188 (audience laughing) 326 00:13:28,188 --> 00:13:29,793 Can't mess with older women neither. 327 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:33,150 They freaky as hell but they nasty 328 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,550 in a whole 'nother kind a way. 329 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:37,519 I'm messin' with the little cougar lady. 330 00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:39,160 (audience laughing) 331 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,575 Yeah, Miss Barbara. 332 00:13:40,575 --> 00:13:43,590 (audience laughing) 333 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,720 She giving me some head, she gonna clear her throat 334 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,040 on my dick. (clearing throat) 335 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,223 Don't do that, no, don't do that. 336 00:13:49,223 --> 00:13:50,320 (audience laughing) 337 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,940 Take the dick out before you do all that. 338 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,741 Now I need a flu shot. 339 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:56,741 (audience laughing) 340 00:14:04,323 --> 00:14:05,710 But old ladies talk all that shit, 341 00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:08,053 they can't take that pressure. 342 00:14:08,053 --> 00:14:09,880 They good for about eight minutes then they start 343 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,288 complaining, young man, put my leg down, uh uh. 344 00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:13,121 (audience laughing) 345 00:14:13,121 --> 00:14:15,690 Whoo, put my leg down, I had a surgery 346 00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,314 on that knee, young man, whoo. 347 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,460 (audience laughing) 348 00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,419 You got to put my leg down. 349 00:14:20,419 --> 00:14:22,440 (audience laughing) 350 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,959 No, you lettin' that air get in there-- 351 00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:25,467 (making farting noise) See that air gettin' in there. 352 00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:26,599 (audience laughing) 353 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,470 (making farting noise) See that air done got in there 354 00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:30,372 she trying to say your name. (making farting noise) 355 00:14:30,372 --> 00:14:32,190 (audience laughing) 356 00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:34,160 See, young women get embarrassed when that happens. 357 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,410 Ooh, I'm sorry, old women talk shit, she's spelling 358 00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,516 your name, Karlous. (making farting noise) 359 00:14:38,516 --> 00:14:39,590 (audience laughing) 360 00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,144 K-A-R. 361 00:14:41,144 --> 00:14:42,290 (audience laughing) 362 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,623 (chuckling) 363 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,386 I just came here to talk shit, bruh, that's what I do. 364 00:14:50,386 --> 00:14:51,560 (audience laughing) 365 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,240 Gotta be careful what you say though. 366 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,840 I was talkin' some shit the other night. 367 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,493 I didn't even know I offended some people, bruh. 368 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:02,234 Did the joke about the LMNOP community. 369 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,140 (audience laughing) 370 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,933 I didn't know nobody was mad 'till I got outside. 371 00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:09,922 It was three gay dudes laying on my hood. 372 00:15:09,922 --> 00:15:12,210 (audience laughing) 373 00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:14,037 Soon as they saw me, they went off. 374 00:15:14,037 --> 00:15:15,409 Uh uh, say what you said. 375 00:15:15,409 --> 00:15:16,246 (audience laughing) 376 00:15:16,246 --> 00:15:17,400 Say what you said. 377 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,382 Well, do the joke then bitch, say the joke. 378 00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:21,562 Say what you said. 379 00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:22,395 (audience laughing) 380 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:23,982 Say what you said. 381 00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:27,314 (audience laughing) 382 00:15:27,314 --> 00:15:28,147 Say it! 383 00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,267 I'll scratch you bitch, I was like, "Oh my God." 384 00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,740 That's the only thing that scared me was this little hand. 385 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:35,002 Say what you said. 386 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:35,835 (audience laughing) 387 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,168 (chuckling) 388 00:15:45,843 --> 00:15:48,970 That shit funny, she done laugh her eyelash off. 389 00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:52,667 Shit, he's so damn stupid. 390 00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:53,500 (audience laughing) 391 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,473 Ladies, stop wearing that shit, you already look good. 392 00:15:57,529 --> 00:15:59,710 We don't know what the fuck be fake on y'all no more. 393 00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,440 These ladies wearing these long ass eyelashes and shit 394 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,720 then she try and sneak and take it off. 395 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,500 Now you staring at her trying to figure out 396 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,585 what the fuck missing. 397 00:16:07,585 --> 00:16:10,585 (audience laughing) 398 00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:19,785 Nah bitch blink, do something, what is missing on your face? 399 00:16:19,785 --> 00:16:22,785 (audience laughing) 400 00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:27,990 These ladies don't give a shit about us no more. 401 00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:31,030 They used to have discretion, they used to hide that shit. 402 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:33,550 You ain't even know what was fake. 403 00:16:33,550 --> 00:16:35,370 I let a girl spend the night over at my house. 404 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,330 She gonna take the fake eyelashes off and smash 'em together 405 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:41,010 and left 'em on the counter, forgot to throw 'em away. 406 00:16:41,010 --> 00:16:42,340 I go in the bathroom, I think 407 00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:44,997 I got fuckin' tarantulas at my house. 408 00:16:44,997 --> 00:16:46,900 (audience laughing) 409 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,605 What kind a roach is that? 410 00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:51,605 (audience laughing) 411 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,653 They don't even hide this shit no more. 412 00:16:55,653 --> 00:16:58,670 (audience laughing) 413 00:16:58,670 --> 00:17:00,890 Lace front wigs, they don't even glue them bitches 414 00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:03,319 on no more, they just wearing them like fitted hats. 415 00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:05,090 (audience laughing) 416 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,210 Is we goin' out or what, what we doin'? 417 00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:09,437 Y'all bitches playin', see, that's the thing. 418 00:17:09,437 --> 00:17:10,270 (audience laughing) 419 00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,603 (chuckling) 420 00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:17,390 That's what I like, though, I love a old project ass woman. 421 00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:20,390 Shout out to all the hood women, I just love old 422 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:21,980 project ass, boy, that shit is sexy as hell. 423 00:17:21,980 --> 00:17:25,540 I'm talkin' about one of them old real hood ass bitches. 424 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,477 Type that'll kill a roach and keep cookin'. 425 00:17:27,477 --> 00:17:30,477 (audience laughing) 426 00:17:41,378 --> 00:17:42,878 I like 'em ghetto. 427 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,563 They the best ones. 428 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,970 Type a chick you can impress easily, all you 429 00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:52,070 gotta do is take her somewhere they got a commercial. 430 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,040 (audience laughing) 431 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,370 Be like, baby, you wanna go to Applebee's? 432 00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:58,450 Hell, yeah, I wanna eat good in the neighborhood, what's up? 433 00:17:58,450 --> 00:17:59,283 (audience laughing) 434 00:17:59,283 --> 00:18:00,407 Shit. 435 00:18:00,407 --> 00:18:02,740 (chuckling) 436 00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:06,325 That's what I like. 437 00:18:07,424 --> 00:18:09,393 I'm about to quit that shit, though, bruh. 438 00:18:09,393 --> 00:18:12,080 Them women too dangerous, I'm at the mall with a girl. 439 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,860 I ain't even know she was with a nigga. 440 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,110 Nigga pulled up in a gangsta ass Montecarlo. 441 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:20,031 No rims, no hubcaps, just dirty black tire. 442 00:18:20,031 --> 00:18:22,450 (audience laughing) 443 00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:24,780 Soon as he pulled up, I knew it was gonna be some trouble. 444 00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:27,326 He's like, bitch, get your motherfuckin' ass in the car. 445 00:18:27,326 --> 00:18:28,810 You and this nigga out here holdin' hands 446 00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:30,102 got me out here stressin'. 447 00:18:30,102 --> 00:18:31,220 I was like, "Oh shit." 448 00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:34,490 (audience laughing) 449 00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,710 Soon as she got in the car, he slammed her head against 450 00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:38,450 the window, two times, boom, boom. 451 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,540 (audience laughing) 452 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,938 She rolled the window down, "I call you back." 453 00:18:41,938 --> 00:18:44,938 (audience laughing) 454 00:18:53,604 --> 00:18:55,710 I love this shit, bruh, this is amazing. 455 00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:59,013 We got the hood sittin' right next to the white people. 456 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:00,490 (audience laughing) 457 00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:02,420 Every time they laugh, they look at y'all. 458 00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:03,942 (chuckling) 459 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,942 (audience laughing) 460 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,930 California is a strange place, man, I be seeing black 461 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:16,380 dudes with white women every day, I be like, 462 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,253 do the police know about this shit? 463 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,520 'Cause I'm from Mississippi, they catch you with a white 464 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,270 girl, that's possession with intent, 465 00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:25,137 they will lock your ass up. 466 00:19:25,137 --> 00:19:28,137 (audience laughing) 467 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,923 White women scare me. 468 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,270 'Cause they racist in a whole 'nother kinda way. 469 00:19:34,270 --> 00:19:35,970 Bruh, you ever be walking down the street 470 00:19:35,970 --> 00:19:38,256 and you see a white lady walking towards you? 471 00:19:38,256 --> 00:19:39,573 Then she clutch her purse. 472 00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:42,240 Ain't that the most offensive shit ever? 473 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,190 This bitch think she stronger than me, what the fuck? 474 00:19:45,190 --> 00:19:47,997 Give me that shit, you see how easy that was? 475 00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:48,830 (audience laughing) 476 00:19:48,830 --> 00:19:52,033 You are a vegan, Allison, you don't even eat meat. 477 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,919 You think you stronger than a real nigga? 478 00:19:55,919 --> 00:19:57,430 (audience laughing) 479 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,716 Look at the white lady, I never thought about that. 480 00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:00,690 (audience laughing) 481 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:03,023 (chuckling) 482 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:07,410 Shout out to all the old school niggas out there. 483 00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:09,633 I see you out there, nigga. 484 00:20:09,633 --> 00:20:11,450 Talkin' about them old school player niggas 485 00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:14,495 with the whole linen suit on, church shoes. 486 00:20:14,495 --> 00:20:16,610 (audience laughing) 487 00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:20,884 Old school nigga, named Calvin, Leroy, Eldridge. 488 00:20:20,884 --> 00:20:23,560 (audience laughing) 489 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,750 You see them old school pimp Oakland niggas in here. 490 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,820 I love them niggas, bruh, you speak to them niggas, 491 00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:30,560 they make your whole day better, what's up, unc? 492 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,124 Shit, I can't call it, I might spoil it, nephew. 493 00:20:33,124 --> 00:20:34,920 (audience laughing) 494 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,160 Shit, ain't nothin' to it but to do it but when you 495 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,825 do it act like you used to it, you heard what I said? 496 00:20:39,825 --> 00:20:40,680 (audience laughing) 497 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,013 (chuckling) 498 00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,960 Them some of the coldest niggas ever. 499 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,943 They got all the little catch phrases. 500 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:56,240 I was at the gas station today, I heard a old nigga 501 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,950 trying to holler at one of these young girls. 502 00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:00,850 She jumped out the car, fine, had that fashion over on. 503 00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:02,403 That ass was fat. 504 00:21:02,403 --> 00:21:03,236 (audience laughing) 505 00:21:03,236 --> 00:21:06,727 Soon as he saw it he said, "Goddamn, girl, 506 00:21:06,727 --> 00:21:09,401 "I'd put so much dick in you, I'd be scared to kiss you." 507 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,029 (audience laughing) 508 00:21:11,029 --> 00:21:12,790 (chuckling) 509 00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:14,750 Yeah, make sure you're having safe sex. 510 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,729 Whatever that mean to you, lock the door. 511 00:21:16,729 --> 00:21:18,350 (audience laughing) 512 00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:19,961 Put your phone on silent. 513 00:21:19,961 --> 00:21:22,690 (audience laughing) 514 00:21:22,690 --> 00:21:24,740 What you thought I was gonna say wear a condom? 515 00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:27,166 Who is that safe for, Boogie? 516 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:28,239 (audience laughing) 517 00:21:28,239 --> 00:21:30,200 (chuckling) 518 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,340 No, you better, 'cause them condom commercials, 519 00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:34,900 them shits scary, you ever be at the house chillin'. 520 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,490 Then that wrap it up commercial come on, 521 00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:38,115 scare everybody in the house. 522 00:21:38,115 --> 00:21:39,000 (audience laughing) 523 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,100 They say some shit like, one in three black people 524 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,205 have AIDS, you be like, shit, it's two people on the couch! 525 00:21:44,205 --> 00:21:45,987 (audience laughing) 526 00:21:45,987 --> 00:21:47,890 You mean to tell me somebody in this house sick 527 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,452 and won't say nothin'? 528 00:21:49,452 --> 00:21:52,452 (audience laughing) 529 00:21:53,601 --> 00:21:56,064 Where do they get this information from? 530 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,640 (audience laughing) 531 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,930 Man, it's so fucked up, we in here laughin' at this shit. 532 00:21:59,930 --> 00:22:02,120 It's ladies in here right now, can't even laugh 533 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,910 'cause they waist trainer on too fuckin' tight. 534 00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:07,860 I see you in here, can't even laugh. 535 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,189 Just gigglin'. 536 00:22:09,189 --> 00:22:10,450 (chuckling) 537 00:22:10,450 --> 00:22:13,450 (audience laughing) 538 00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:19,123 Take that bullshit off. 539 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,987 They got the whole body trainer now. 540 00:22:22,987 --> 00:22:24,347 The whole body go in there. 541 00:22:24,347 --> 00:22:27,129 Just have two little flaps right there. 542 00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:28,950 (audience laughing) 543 00:22:28,950 --> 00:22:31,510 They so insecure, they won't even undo it. 544 00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:33,590 They just undo the flaps, leave the whole shit on. 545 00:22:33,590 --> 00:22:35,540 I was like, uh uh, you gotta take that shit off. 546 00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:37,609 I'm not about to fuck Andre The Giant. 547 00:22:37,609 --> 00:22:41,358 (audience laughing) 548 00:22:41,358 --> 00:22:42,631 Shout out to Boogie, bruh, 549 00:22:42,631 --> 00:22:45,180 you one of my favorite players, nigga. 550 00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:48,493 You one of the most disrespectful players in the NBA, bruh. 551 00:22:49,690 --> 00:22:53,230 Golden State can be up by 39. 552 00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:56,953 Boogie get in the game and dunk on you and call you a bitch. 553 00:22:56,953 --> 00:22:57,890 (audience laughing) 554 00:22:57,890 --> 00:23:00,793 Like, bruh, my fuckin' family is out there. 555 00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:01,822 (audience laughing) 556 00:23:01,822 --> 00:23:04,155 (chuckling) 557 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,360 Tired of this shit, I don't like 558 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,121 how y'all judgin' me in here. 559 00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:10,400 (audience laughing) 560 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,734 Shout out to all the real niggas. 561 00:23:12,734 --> 00:23:13,630 (audience cheering) 562 00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:15,950 That buy a three pack of condoms and wear one 563 00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:17,862 and go raw the rest of the time. 564 00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:20,730 (audience laughing) 565 00:23:20,730 --> 00:23:23,230 Much love to all the ladies in here that can wear white 566 00:23:23,230 --> 00:23:26,293 panties all day and take 'em off and they still be white. 567 00:23:26,293 --> 00:23:27,815 (audience laughing) 568 00:23:27,815 --> 00:23:30,148 (chuckling) 569 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,897 Know what kinda magic that is. 570 00:23:34,897 --> 00:23:36,480 (audience laughing) 571 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,712 Y'all got some good ass weed out here too. 572 00:23:38,712 --> 00:23:41,712 (audience cheering) 573 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,873 You ever get so high, you get smart? 574 00:23:45,765 --> 00:23:47,220 (audience laughing) 575 00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:49,797 Like, you start figuring out smart dumb shit. 576 00:23:49,797 --> 00:23:50,940 (audience laughing) 577 00:23:50,940 --> 00:23:51,913 Like, hey. 578 00:23:53,470 --> 00:23:56,086 Can you wear house shoes in a apartment? 579 00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:59,390 (audience laughing) 580 00:23:59,390 --> 00:24:01,360 The people you smokin' with just as high as you. 581 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:02,800 Yeah, 'cause you know, home 582 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,692 is where your heart is, my nigga. 583 00:24:04,692 --> 00:24:07,692 (audience laughing) 584 00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:12,840 I had some shit, had me fucked up the other day, bruh. 585 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,323 I'm sittin' there like, bruh, 586 00:24:18,060 --> 00:24:20,131 what color is a mirror? 587 00:24:20,131 --> 00:24:23,500 (audience laughing) 588 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:27,045 You ever be in your kitchen just figurin' out shit, high? 589 00:24:27,045 --> 00:24:27,878 (audience laughing) 590 00:24:27,878 --> 00:24:30,190 Just lookin' through the cabinets, you don't even wanna eat 591 00:24:30,190 --> 00:24:32,873 this shit, just seeing what the fuck you got. 592 00:24:32,873 --> 00:24:35,032 (audience laughing) 593 00:24:35,032 --> 00:24:36,487 What the fuck is this shit? 594 00:24:36,487 --> 00:24:38,403 (audience laughing) 595 00:24:38,403 --> 00:24:40,745 Fuckin' refried beans. 596 00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,400 (audience laughing) 597 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,503 Who fried 'em the first time? 598 00:24:44,503 --> 00:24:48,080 (audience laughing) 599 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,855 Shout out to all the Hispanic people, my nigga. 600 00:24:50,855 --> 00:24:51,688 (audience laughing) 601 00:24:51,688 --> 00:24:53,900 No, 'cause they tried to fuck y'all over, man. 602 00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:56,573 I remember, they were stealing kids and shit. 603 00:24:57,781 --> 00:25:00,160 Talkin' about they gonna build a wall. 604 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,800 I was mad as fuck, I went and hollered at my Mexican 605 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,129 homeboy, I was like, "Pablo. 606 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,617 (audience laughing) 607 00:25:07,617 --> 00:25:09,377 "They gonna build a wall, man, what the fuck, 608 00:25:09,377 --> 00:25:10,887 "what y'all gonna do, y'all gonna ride, 609 00:25:10,887 --> 00:25:13,050 "y'all want us to ride with you?" 610 00:25:13,050 --> 00:25:14,837 He be like, "Fuck, no." 611 00:25:16,610 --> 00:25:17,920 I'm like, "They gonna build a wall." 612 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,820 He was like, "Yeah." 613 00:25:19,820 --> 00:25:21,317 I was like, "What y'all gonna do?" 614 00:25:21,317 --> 00:25:23,032 "Walk around." 615 00:25:23,032 --> 00:25:25,703 (audience laughing) 616 00:25:25,703 --> 00:25:28,502 I was like, "Oh, y'all already figured this shit out, okay." 617 00:25:28,502 --> 00:25:30,800 (chuckling) 618 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,280 You know, before I go, you know 619 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,570 one thing I love about Oakland niggas? 620 00:25:34,570 --> 00:25:37,910 It don't matter what you did or what you doin'. 621 00:25:37,910 --> 00:25:40,935 Oakland niggas already did it a lot of times. 622 00:25:40,935 --> 00:25:41,920 (audience laughing) 623 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,600 They don't give a fuck and they'll tell you, 624 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,040 nigga, I just graduated, aw, nigga, I done graduated 625 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:50,400 hella times, nigga, I done been to hella schools, nigga. 626 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,398 Nigga, hella educated on mamas. 627 00:25:53,398 --> 00:25:54,231 (audience laughing) 628 00:25:54,231 --> 00:25:57,001 On mamas, nigga, got a education, nigga. 629 00:25:57,001 --> 00:25:59,950 (audience laughing) 630 00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:03,894 Bruh, my girl pregnant, nigga, I got hella kids, my nigga. 631 00:26:03,894 --> 00:26:04,757 (audience laughing) 632 00:26:04,757 --> 00:26:07,300 Hella kids, hey, man, I'm Karlous Miller, I'm outta here. 633 00:26:07,300 --> 00:26:08,133 (upbeat music) 634 00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:11,021 (audience cheering and clapping) 635 00:26:11,021 --> 00:26:13,211 - Yeah, yeah, y'all having a good time, 636 00:26:13,211 --> 00:26:14,848 y'all having a good time? 637 00:26:14,848 --> 00:26:17,160 (audience cheering and clapping) 638 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,030 It's a lot of big girls in here tonight with them 639 00:26:19,030 --> 00:26:21,231 bodysuits on and ain't got no body. 640 00:26:21,231 --> 00:26:23,850 (audience laughing) 641 00:26:23,850 --> 00:26:26,175 You lookin' like a wrestler in here tonight. 642 00:26:26,175 --> 00:26:28,550 (audience laughing) 643 00:26:28,550 --> 00:26:31,437 You lookin' like T. Grizzly sittin' up in here. 644 00:26:31,437 --> 00:26:34,782 (audience laughing) 645 00:26:34,782 --> 00:26:36,266 That's how they was walkin', like that, 646 00:26:36,266 --> 00:26:37,406 that's how the big girls-- 647 00:26:37,406 --> 00:26:40,740 (audience laughing) 648 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:42,888 Them big girls take real slow steps. 649 00:26:42,888 --> 00:26:45,780 (audience laughing) 650 00:26:45,780 --> 00:26:47,450 You know, and you gotta watch your grandmama 651 00:26:47,450 --> 00:26:49,580 'cause she'll give her money to one of them bad pastors 652 00:26:49,580 --> 00:26:51,311 like you know, Peter Popoff. 653 00:26:51,311 --> 00:26:53,260 (audience laughing) 654 00:26:53,260 --> 00:26:55,790 Yeah, Bennie Henn, them old white men with them wigs 655 00:26:55,790 --> 00:26:57,763 on that come on at 4:30 in the morning. 656 00:26:58,870 --> 00:27:02,000 Catch your grandmama up and them houses, real old, 657 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,448 in them hot ass houses, writin' checks. 658 00:27:04,448 --> 00:27:05,930 (audience laughing) 659 00:27:05,930 --> 00:27:08,630 And them white men come on there, God is searching for you. 660 00:27:08,630 --> 00:27:12,760 The lord is looking for you, salvation is looking for you! 661 00:27:13,903 --> 00:27:14,760 (audience laughing) 662 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:15,950 It's a reason why they fuckin' 663 00:27:15,950 --> 00:27:18,029 come on at 4:30 in the morning. 664 00:27:18,029 --> 00:27:19,947 (audience laughing) 665 00:27:19,947 --> 00:27:22,474 'Cause they trickin' these old women. 666 00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:23,307 (audience laughing) 667 00:27:23,307 --> 00:27:24,830 I was watching Peter Popoff one night 668 00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:26,460 and he was just, he had a line of people 669 00:27:26,460 --> 00:27:28,985 and just hittin' 'em in the head and they was all fallin'. 670 00:27:28,985 --> 00:27:29,818 (audience laughing) 671 00:27:29,818 --> 00:27:32,050 He hit one chick and she put her arm back. 672 00:27:32,050 --> 00:27:33,547 Now I said, "How'd you know to put your 673 00:27:33,547 --> 00:27:35,326 "fuckin' arm back, bitch?" 674 00:27:35,326 --> 00:27:38,326 (audience laughing) 675 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,937 He got to one woman, was hittin' her on the head 676 00:27:42,937 --> 00:27:46,799 and she kept comin' back, I guess she didn't know to fall. 677 00:27:46,799 --> 00:27:47,632 (audience laughing) 678 00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:49,510 And he hit her again, she kept goin' like that, 679 00:27:49,510 --> 00:27:52,172 he said, "Fall," and he hit her again. 680 00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:53,290 (audience laughing) 681 00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:56,288 Man, they tried everything, they kicked her and everything. 682 00:27:56,288 --> 00:27:57,960 (audience laughing) 683 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,910 Hell, he even hit her with a elbow one time, 684 00:27:59,910 --> 00:28:02,442 get on the ground now, shit, I ain't gonna play with you. 685 00:28:02,442 --> 00:28:03,910 (audience laughing) 686 00:28:03,910 --> 00:28:05,530 I seen one of the ushers sneaking up 687 00:28:05,530 --> 00:28:07,565 behind her with a bat like this. 688 00:28:07,565 --> 00:28:09,535 (audience laughing) 689 00:28:09,535 --> 00:28:11,400 You gonna fall now, we on TV, shit, 690 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,167 you fuckin' the church's money up. 691 00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:15,070 (audience laughing) 692 00:28:15,070 --> 00:28:17,677 Y'all ready for the next comic, y'all, come on! 693 00:28:17,677 --> 00:28:19,650 (audience cheering and clapping) 694 00:28:19,650 --> 00:28:23,140 Coming to the stage, you seen this man on "American Hustle." 695 00:28:23,140 --> 00:28:25,740 You seen him on "First Sunday," you know his face. 696 00:28:25,740 --> 00:28:29,033 You gonna love him, give it up for DC's own, Red Grant! 697 00:28:30,504 --> 00:28:31,337 (upbeat music) 698 00:28:31,337 --> 00:28:35,420 (audience cheering and clapping) 699 00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:40,178 - Oakland, what up? 700 00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:42,626 (audience cheering and clapping) 701 00:28:42,626 --> 00:28:44,670 Shout out to my man, Boogie Cousins for putting 702 00:28:44,670 --> 00:28:47,350 this together, man and shout out to Oakland 703 00:28:47,350 --> 00:28:50,523 for being real hyphy all the time, yeah, yeah. 704 00:28:52,656 --> 00:28:54,278 (chuckling) 705 00:28:54,278 --> 00:28:55,500 (audience laughing) 706 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,060 See some of y'all came in here with a fucked up spirit, 707 00:28:58,060 --> 00:29:00,067 you better get your spirit right, nigga. 708 00:29:01,060 --> 00:29:02,600 Shit, you don't know if you gonna be here tomorrow, 709 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,917 you better have fun today, nigga. 710 00:29:04,917 --> 00:29:06,950 (audience cheering and clapping) 711 00:29:06,950 --> 00:29:08,730 You fuck around, don't have fun today, 712 00:29:08,730 --> 00:29:10,730 be in the morning, wake up in front of God, 713 00:29:10,730 --> 00:29:13,139 he be like, shoulda had fun last night, nigga. 714 00:29:13,139 --> 00:29:14,160 (audience laughing) 715 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,437 Red was funny as a motherfuck. 716 00:29:16,437 --> 00:29:18,050 (audience laughing) 717 00:29:18,050 --> 00:29:19,810 And how many people got the friends, 718 00:29:19,810 --> 00:29:22,670 I call 'em bad influences. 719 00:29:22,670 --> 00:29:24,550 They wanna motherfuck to get you to drink 720 00:29:24,550 --> 00:29:27,281 when they know you at your goddamn limit. 721 00:29:27,281 --> 00:29:28,114 (audience laughing) 722 00:29:28,114 --> 00:29:31,377 You done told these motherfuckers, look, I'm at my limit. 723 00:29:31,377 --> 00:29:32,210 (audience laughing) 724 00:29:32,210 --> 00:29:34,160 I don't need nothin' else to drink. 725 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,129 Here they go, bitch, take a shot. 726 00:29:36,129 --> 00:29:39,129 (audience laughing) 727 00:29:43,950 --> 00:29:46,550 You like, a shot of what, they say some dumb shit like, 728 00:29:46,550 --> 00:29:48,226 Patron and Hennessy. 729 00:29:48,226 --> 00:29:49,570 (audience laughing) 730 00:29:49,570 --> 00:29:51,217 Together? 731 00:29:51,217 --> 00:29:52,050 (audience laughing) 732 00:29:52,050 --> 00:29:53,649 Bitch, I ain't drinkin' no Patrennessy, 733 00:29:53,649 --> 00:29:54,929 bitch, fuck that shit. 734 00:29:54,929 --> 00:29:55,762 (audience laughing) 735 00:29:55,762 --> 00:29:57,096 Patrennessy make you throw up. 736 00:29:57,096 --> 00:29:57,929 (audience laughing) 737 00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:01,111 They like, nigga, take a shot, it's my goddamn birthday. 738 00:30:01,111 --> 00:30:02,780 (audience laughing) 739 00:30:02,780 --> 00:30:05,650 Now you feel obligated to take the fuckin' shot. 740 00:30:05,650 --> 00:30:07,737 You like, give me the goddamn shot. 741 00:30:07,737 --> 00:30:08,570 (audience laughing) 742 00:30:08,570 --> 00:30:10,650 You take the shot, soon as you take the shot, 743 00:30:10,650 --> 00:30:12,904 you feel it in your throat immediately. 744 00:30:12,904 --> 00:30:13,737 (audience laughing) 745 00:30:13,737 --> 00:30:15,415 You make that little sound like, mm. 746 00:30:15,415 --> 00:30:17,600 (audience laughing) 747 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,542 You start lookin' around for help. 748 00:30:19,542 --> 00:30:22,930 (audience laughing) 749 00:30:22,930 --> 00:30:25,930 It's always that one girl save your ass, like, look like 750 00:30:25,930 --> 00:30:27,543 your friend 'bout to throw up. 751 00:30:27,543 --> 00:30:29,210 (audience laughing) 752 00:30:29,210 --> 00:30:31,106 Y'all need to get him outside. 753 00:30:31,106 --> 00:30:31,939 (audience laughing) 754 00:30:31,939 --> 00:30:34,130 They get you outside, you already 755 00:30:34,130 --> 00:30:36,567 in full throw up mode, like-- 756 00:30:36,567 --> 00:30:37,400 (audience laughing) 757 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:38,325 Huh. 758 00:30:38,325 --> 00:30:40,151 (audience laughing) 759 00:30:40,151 --> 00:30:41,337 Huh. 760 00:30:41,337 --> 00:30:43,095 (audience laughing) 761 00:30:43,095 --> 00:30:44,153 Huh. 762 00:30:44,153 --> 00:30:45,672 (audience laughing) 763 00:30:45,672 --> 00:30:46,649 Huh. 764 00:30:46,649 --> 00:30:47,750 (audience laughing) 765 00:30:47,750 --> 00:30:50,310 I don't know why you do your back like this, huh. 766 00:30:50,310 --> 00:30:52,050 (audience laughing) 767 00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:54,695 This what it look like from the side and shit. 768 00:30:54,695 --> 00:30:55,543 (audience laughing) 769 00:30:55,543 --> 00:30:58,041 Look like you in a parking lot twerkin' and shit. 770 00:30:58,041 --> 00:30:58,910 (audience laughing) 771 00:30:58,910 --> 00:31:01,047 And your friends ain't shit, look like he twerkin' 772 00:31:01,047 --> 00:31:02,375 in the parking lot! 773 00:31:02,375 --> 00:31:03,319 (audience laughing) 774 00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:04,825 Nigga, throw the fuck up. 775 00:31:04,825 --> 00:31:06,391 (audience laughing) 776 00:31:06,391 --> 00:31:07,462 Huh. 777 00:31:07,462 --> 00:31:08,500 (audience laughing) 778 00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:10,295 My mouth real watery. 779 00:31:10,295 --> 00:31:12,230 (audience laughing) 780 00:31:12,230 --> 00:31:13,740 That's how you gonna know you gonna throw up, 781 00:31:13,740 --> 00:31:15,810 when your mouth get real watery 782 00:31:15,810 --> 00:31:18,392 and you try to spit, it just hang on your lip like-- 783 00:31:18,392 --> 00:31:21,730 (audience laughing) 784 00:31:21,730 --> 00:31:23,590 My spit won't hit the ground. 785 00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:25,719 (audience laughing) 786 00:31:25,719 --> 00:31:26,888 Huh. 787 00:31:26,888 --> 00:31:28,517 (audience laughing) 788 00:31:28,517 --> 00:31:29,494 Huh. 789 00:31:29,494 --> 00:31:31,095 (audience laughing) 790 00:31:31,095 --> 00:31:32,181 Huh. 791 00:31:32,181 --> 00:31:33,640 (audience laughing) 792 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,126 I'm hungry. 793 00:31:35,126 --> 00:31:37,660 (audience laughing) 794 00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:39,334 Anybody got some bread? 795 00:31:39,334 --> 00:31:40,210 (audience laughing) 796 00:31:40,210 --> 00:31:42,220 Your friends are like, no, nobody got no goddamn bread. 797 00:31:42,220 --> 00:31:45,350 We in a goddamn parking lot, throw the fuck up, Red, huh. 798 00:31:46,792 --> 00:31:48,024 (audience laughing) 799 00:31:48,024 --> 00:31:50,009 I just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 800 00:31:50,009 --> 00:31:52,260 (audience laughing) 801 00:31:52,260 --> 00:31:53,560 Nigga, you better throw the fuck up 802 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,398 before I leave your ass out here. 803 00:31:55,398 --> 00:31:56,231 (audience laughing) 804 00:31:56,231 --> 00:31:57,960 Them ain't your real friends, your real friends 805 00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,430 stay with you, don't they? 806 00:31:59,430 --> 00:32:01,410 Your fake friends, they leave your ass, 807 00:32:01,410 --> 00:32:03,590 you be like, motherfucker, I don't give a fuck. 808 00:32:03,590 --> 00:32:04,423 (audience laughing) 809 00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:06,370 You can leave me, nigga, I don't give a fuck. 810 00:32:06,370 --> 00:32:08,952 I'm 'bout that life out here by myself, nigga. 811 00:32:08,952 --> 00:32:09,785 (audience laughing) 812 00:32:09,785 --> 00:32:12,150 You ain't never been in my life no way anyway, nigga. 813 00:32:12,150 --> 00:32:13,719 I'm 'bout that life! 814 00:32:13,719 --> 00:32:14,552 (audience laughing) 815 00:32:14,552 --> 00:32:16,407 They like, okay, nigga, bye, nigga, shit. 816 00:32:16,407 --> 00:32:17,840 (audience laughing) 817 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,963 They leave you out in the parking lot, you walkin' around 818 00:32:19,963 --> 00:32:22,982 scarin' people like the walking dead, like, huh. 819 00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:23,930 (audience laughing) 820 00:32:23,930 --> 00:32:25,337 Huh, huh, huh! 821 00:32:27,205 --> 00:32:28,100 (audience laughing) 822 00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:30,762 You know what huh mean, right, help. 823 00:32:30,762 --> 00:32:32,180 (audience laughing) 824 00:32:32,180 --> 00:32:34,282 Somebody help me, lord, help me. 825 00:32:34,282 --> 00:32:35,115 (audience laughing) 826 00:32:35,115 --> 00:32:36,330 'Cause nobody don't fuckin' help you 827 00:32:36,330 --> 00:32:38,250 when you in that condition, do they? 828 00:32:38,250 --> 00:32:40,720 I'm talkin' to y'all, they don't help you, do they? 829 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,080 What they do, pull out they goddamn phones. 830 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,040 (audience laughing) 831 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,931 And Instasnap your ass like, hashtag, did not make it. 832 00:32:47,931 --> 00:32:49,580 (audience laughing) 833 00:32:49,580 --> 00:32:51,131 Hashtag throw up boy. 834 00:32:51,131 --> 00:32:51,964 (audience laughing) 835 00:32:51,964 --> 00:32:53,819 Hashtag, he wasn't ready. 836 00:32:53,819 --> 00:32:55,492 (audience laughing) 837 00:32:55,492 --> 00:32:56,776 Huh. 838 00:32:56,776 --> 00:32:57,609 (audience laughing) 839 00:32:57,609 --> 00:33:00,283 I remember one day I was out there, I was hurtin', huh. 840 00:33:00,283 --> 00:33:01,630 (audience laughing) 841 00:33:01,630 --> 00:33:03,130 Nobody wasn't helping me, huh. 842 00:33:04,187 --> 00:33:05,496 (audience laughing) 843 00:33:05,496 --> 00:33:07,690 And this white lady came outta nowhere, she was a nurse, 844 00:33:07,690 --> 00:33:10,105 she was like, "You all right, little fella?" 845 00:33:10,105 --> 00:33:11,146 (audience laughing) 846 00:33:11,146 --> 00:33:12,424 And I was like, "Huh." 847 00:33:12,424 --> 00:33:14,154 (audience laughing) 848 00:33:14,154 --> 00:33:16,552 And she lifted my head up, perpendicular. 849 00:33:16,552 --> 00:33:17,560 (audience laughing) 850 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,860 She pulled a warm ginger ale out her purse 851 00:33:19,860 --> 00:33:22,107 and she fed me like a baby bird. 852 00:33:22,107 --> 00:33:23,400 (audience laughing) 853 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,395 She gave me some saltine crackers and I got better. 854 00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:27,760 (audience laughing) 855 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,150 My friends came out there, they was like, 856 00:33:29,150 --> 00:33:31,131 who this white lady holdin' your head, Red? 857 00:33:31,131 --> 00:33:31,964 (audience laughing) 858 00:33:31,964 --> 00:33:33,354 I was like, "She helped me. 859 00:33:33,354 --> 00:33:34,997 (audience laughing) 860 00:33:34,997 --> 00:33:36,746 "This is my friend. 861 00:33:36,746 --> 00:33:38,097 (audience laughing) 862 00:33:38,097 --> 00:33:40,503 "I just want a ride home!" 863 00:33:40,503 --> 00:33:41,410 (audience laughing) 864 00:33:41,410 --> 00:33:44,060 And this when you find out who your fuckin' real friends 865 00:33:44,060 --> 00:33:48,000 are, if they give your ass a ride home, they don't say shit. 866 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,720 They put your ass in the car, get you home. 867 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,380 Your fake friends, they start asking questions 868 00:33:53,380 --> 00:33:54,800 in the parking lot like, 869 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,601 you ain't gotta throw up no more, do you? 870 00:33:56,601 --> 00:33:57,497 (audience laughing) 871 00:33:57,497 --> 00:33:59,370 You like, huh. 872 00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:00,210 (audience laughing) 873 00:34:00,210 --> 00:34:02,220 Then they got you riding with your head out the window 874 00:34:02,220 --> 00:34:04,296 like a goddamn puppy and shit. 875 00:34:04,296 --> 00:34:05,129 (audience laughing) 876 00:34:05,129 --> 00:34:06,922 Spaghetti everywhere, nigga. 877 00:34:06,922 --> 00:34:10,070 (audience laughing) 878 00:34:10,070 --> 00:34:11,700 Get you home, they don't even take you 879 00:34:11,700 --> 00:34:12,891 in the house, do they? 880 00:34:12,891 --> 00:34:13,724 (audience laughing) 881 00:34:13,724 --> 00:34:15,370 What your fake friends do? 882 00:34:15,370 --> 00:34:16,870 They leave you on a doorstep 883 00:34:18,260 --> 00:34:20,170 for your girl to find you. 884 00:34:20,170 --> 00:34:21,020 (audience laughing) 885 00:34:21,020 --> 00:34:23,688 Your girl come out there like, look at your stupid ass. 886 00:34:23,688 --> 00:34:25,350 (audience laughing) 887 00:34:25,350 --> 00:34:27,080 These the friends you hanging with? 888 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:28,000 (audience laughing) 889 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,460 Got you lookin' like the scarecrow 890 00:34:29,460 --> 00:34:31,515 from the fuckin' whiz and shit. 891 00:34:31,515 --> 00:34:32,348 (audience laughing) 892 00:34:32,348 --> 00:34:34,138 And you hurtin', you like, huh. 893 00:34:34,138 --> 00:34:35,978 (audience laughing) 894 00:34:35,978 --> 00:34:37,177 I just want some bread. 895 00:34:37,177 --> 00:34:38,970 (audience laughing) 896 00:34:38,970 --> 00:34:41,283 You need to get your ass in the bed, Red. 897 00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:43,480 Now when you gotta throw up, 898 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,870 what's the worst place you can go? 899 00:34:45,870 --> 00:34:47,490 The fuckin' bed. 900 00:34:47,490 --> 00:34:50,169 'Cause soon as you get in that bitch, you like, huh, huh. 901 00:34:50,169 --> 00:34:51,289 (audience laughing) 902 00:34:51,289 --> 00:34:55,573 Huh, huh, I don't know why the bed spinning like this, huh. 903 00:34:56,410 --> 00:34:58,389 My bed got wheels on it. 904 00:34:58,389 --> 00:35:01,020 (audience laughing) 905 00:35:01,020 --> 00:35:02,483 Your fuckin' friends. 906 00:35:04,110 --> 00:35:05,390 And how many people in a relationship, 907 00:35:05,390 --> 00:35:06,760 make some noise for your relationship 908 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,533 if you're in a goddamn relationship. 909 00:35:08,533 --> 00:35:10,460 (audience cheering and clapping) 910 00:35:10,460 --> 00:35:13,520 'Cause y'all know relationships ain't easy, is it? 911 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,740 That shit hard as fuck. 912 00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:16,950 I'm in a fuckin' relationship, 913 00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:19,172 I took my dick out the street, nigga. 914 00:35:19,172 --> 00:35:21,300 (audience laughing) 915 00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:24,548 I told my dick, nigga, we are out the fuckin' street, nigga. 916 00:35:24,548 --> 00:35:25,381 (audience laughing) 917 00:35:25,381 --> 00:35:26,800 But my dick wasn't ready to go, that nigga was like, 918 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:28,789 nigga, you can go home, nigga, I don't give a fuck. 919 00:35:28,789 --> 00:35:30,060 (audience laughing) 920 00:35:30,060 --> 00:35:32,405 I catch a Uber home, nigga, I don't need you, nigga. 921 00:35:32,405 --> 00:35:34,297 (audience laughing) 922 00:35:34,297 --> 00:35:36,303 'Cause your dick don't give a fuck. 923 00:35:37,470 --> 00:35:39,407 Your friends don't care, your friends out there, 924 00:35:39,407 --> 00:35:41,430 they know you in a relationship. 925 00:35:41,430 --> 00:35:43,033 They say some dumb shit like, 926 00:35:43,910 --> 00:35:46,820 hey you know we got 14 women at the crib right now, nigga. 927 00:35:46,820 --> 00:35:47,653 (audience laughing) 928 00:35:47,653 --> 00:35:48,983 I was like, 14? 929 00:35:48,983 --> 00:35:50,150 (audience laughing) 930 00:35:50,150 --> 00:35:51,590 That's a large number. 931 00:35:51,590 --> 00:35:53,210 (audience laughing) 932 00:35:53,210 --> 00:35:55,989 He was like, yeah, nigga and they all suckin' dick, nigga. 933 00:35:55,989 --> 00:35:57,720 (audience laughing) 934 00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,253 Damn, they suckin' dick? 935 00:35:59,253 --> 00:36:01,240 (audience laughing) 936 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:04,390 I mean, you know, my name Red, I like head, you know? 937 00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,263 (audience laughing) 938 00:36:07,263 --> 00:36:10,551 I mean, I'm in a relationship but you know, I'm curious. 939 00:36:10,551 --> 00:36:11,840 (audience laughing) 940 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:13,507 What else they talk about? 941 00:36:13,507 --> 00:36:14,340 (audience laughing) 942 00:36:14,340 --> 00:36:15,790 You know my friend said, nigga, one of them say 943 00:36:15,790 --> 00:36:18,039 they wanna suck your ding a ling off, nigga. 944 00:36:18,039 --> 00:36:18,872 (audience laughing) 945 00:36:18,872 --> 00:36:19,985 Off your body, nigga. 946 00:36:19,985 --> 00:36:22,060 (audience laughing) 947 00:36:22,060 --> 00:36:23,651 Damn, she gonna suck my dick off? 948 00:36:23,651 --> 00:36:25,370 (audience laughing) 949 00:36:25,370 --> 00:36:27,558 'Cause I ain't never had my dick sucked off before. 950 00:36:27,558 --> 00:36:28,510 (audience laughing) 951 00:36:28,510 --> 00:36:31,108 I mean do you get your dick back on after it get sucked off? 952 00:36:31,108 --> 00:36:31,941 (audience laughing) 953 00:36:31,941 --> 00:36:34,116 'Cause I can't go home without a dick, now. 954 00:36:34,116 --> 00:36:35,480 (audience laughing) 955 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,460 That's the first thing she 956 00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:38,293 gonna look for, is the dick, nigga. 957 00:36:38,293 --> 00:36:39,126 (audience laughing) 958 00:36:39,126 --> 00:36:41,621 I am not a Mr. Potato Head, no, I'm not, nigga. 959 00:36:41,621 --> 00:36:44,960 (audience laughing) 960 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,380 Fellas, y'all laughin' but if your girl could make you 961 00:36:47,380 --> 00:36:49,745 a Mr. Potato Head, she would, nigga. 962 00:36:49,745 --> 00:36:50,578 (audience laughing) 963 00:36:50,578 --> 00:36:52,690 Look at her, she won't let you go out 964 00:36:52,690 --> 00:36:54,497 with your real ding a ling on. 965 00:36:54,497 --> 00:36:55,350 (audience laughing) 966 00:36:55,350 --> 00:36:57,080 You be 'bout to go out with your big dick on. 967 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,931 You got the biggest dick in the drawer. 968 00:36:58,931 --> 00:37:00,510 (audience laughing) 969 00:37:00,510 --> 00:37:02,460 You like, I'm 'bout to go to the store. 970 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,480 Your girl gonna come out there like, 971 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,129 uh uh, what dick you got on? 972 00:37:06,129 --> 00:37:09,129 (audience laughing) 973 00:37:10,303 --> 00:37:11,684 I got my big dick on, what? 974 00:37:11,684 --> 00:37:13,203 (audience laughing) 975 00:37:13,203 --> 00:37:14,330 What you need your big dick for, Red? 976 00:37:14,330 --> 00:37:15,810 You say you goin' to the store. 977 00:37:15,810 --> 00:37:17,345 (audience laughing) 978 00:37:17,345 --> 00:37:19,313 Uh uh, this your store dick right here, nigga. 979 00:37:19,313 --> 00:37:20,810 (audience laughing) 980 00:37:20,810 --> 00:37:23,217 It be a little ass dick with no balls on it. 981 00:37:23,217 --> 00:37:24,230 (audience laughing) 982 00:37:24,230 --> 00:37:25,410 You can't even come with this, like, 983 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:27,219 get this dick outta here. 984 00:37:27,219 --> 00:37:30,305 (audience laughing) 985 00:37:30,305 --> 00:37:31,710 And we in Oakland tonight, man, this is one 986 00:37:31,710 --> 00:37:34,417 of the best cities in the fuckin' world, right? 987 00:37:34,417 --> 00:37:38,490 (audience cheering and clapping) 988 00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:41,200 And if you got stinky breath tonight, don't talk to me. 989 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,500 (audience laughing) 990 00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:44,810 Seriously, you ever smell somebody breath stink so bad 991 00:37:44,810 --> 00:37:46,274 you can't say nothin' to 'em? 992 00:37:46,274 --> 00:37:47,107 (audience laughing) 993 00:37:47,107 --> 00:37:49,073 The only thing you can do is frown at 'em. 994 00:37:49,073 --> 00:37:49,906 (audience laughing) 995 00:37:49,906 --> 00:37:52,017 They be like, what up, Red, you're like, mm mm. 996 00:37:52,017 --> 00:37:54,099 (audience laughing) 997 00:37:54,099 --> 00:37:55,600 Or you ever see them people with that white shit 998 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,000 in the corner of they mouth? 999 00:37:58,410 --> 00:38:00,720 That's the worst shit ever and the more they talk, 1000 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:03,280 the cakier that shit get, you be like, 1001 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:04,963 nigga, get that, I don't know. 1002 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,889 Was you eating mayonnaise or something, nigga? 1003 00:38:07,889 --> 00:38:09,809 (audience laughing) 1004 00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:11,250 Or you ever see people with dry lips, 1005 00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,590 anybody ever see somebody's lips so dry, 1006 00:38:13,590 --> 00:38:15,891 make you put on your chapstick, nigga? 1007 00:38:15,891 --> 00:38:17,540 (audience laughing) 1008 00:38:17,540 --> 00:38:19,170 Hey, y'all, I'm Red Grant, enjoy the rest 1009 00:38:19,170 --> 00:38:20,926 of your motherfuckin' night, all right? 1010 00:38:20,926 --> 00:38:22,304 (upbeat music) 1011 00:38:22,304 --> 00:38:26,387 (audience cheering and clapping) 1012 00:38:27,649 --> 00:38:29,888 - Where the sexy ladies at? 1013 00:38:29,888 --> 00:38:32,550 (audience cheering and clapping) 1014 00:38:32,550 --> 00:38:34,113 ♪ If you got some good coochie and you know it ♪ 1015 00:38:34,113 --> 00:38:35,861 ♪ Clap your hands ♪ 1016 00:38:35,861 --> 00:38:37,477 ♪ If you got some good coochie and you know it ♪ 1017 00:38:37,477 --> 00:38:38,950 ♪ Clap your hands ♪ 1018 00:38:38,950 --> 00:38:41,126 ♪ If you got some coochie and you know it ♪ 1019 00:38:41,126 --> 00:38:42,530 ♪ And you wanna show it ♪ 1020 00:38:42,530 --> 00:38:44,110 Meet me behind one of them things 1021 00:38:44,110 --> 00:38:45,811 right there right after the show. 1022 00:38:45,811 --> 00:38:47,260 (audience laughing) 1023 00:38:47,260 --> 00:38:49,523 So I can Bill Cosby your ass. 1024 00:38:49,523 --> 00:38:51,698 (audience laughing) 1025 00:38:51,698 --> 00:38:53,650 (chuckling) 1026 00:38:53,650 --> 00:38:55,510 I seen some guys clapping back there 1027 00:38:55,510 --> 00:38:57,379 too when I said that shit. 1028 00:38:57,379 --> 00:38:59,020 (audience laughing) 1029 00:38:59,020 --> 00:39:01,170 You know how they are, I'm the one that was clapping 1030 00:39:01,170 --> 00:39:03,411 when you said that at the back of the show. 1031 00:39:03,411 --> 00:39:06,411 (audience laughing) 1032 00:39:09,790 --> 00:39:11,300 Y'all ready for the next comic, man? 1033 00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:13,050 I want y'all to make plenty of noise, man. 1034 00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:15,900 We got some of the best comics in the world right now. 1035 00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,910 Make plenty of noise, y'all, come on, clap it up, 1036 00:39:17,910 --> 00:39:19,160 clap it up, clap it up, 1037 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,890 clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up. 1038 00:39:21,890 --> 00:39:24,180 Put your hands together for Cincinnati's own, 1039 00:39:24,180 --> 00:39:26,670 you seen him on BET's Comic View. 1040 00:39:26,670 --> 00:39:29,180 I love this dude, man, he's a personal friend of mine. 1041 00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:31,315 Give it up for Gary Owen! 1042 00:39:31,315 --> 00:39:32,403 (upbeat music) 1043 00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:36,486 (audience cheering and clapping) 1044 00:39:41,222 --> 00:39:42,055 - I know. 1045 00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:46,230 I feel the same about myself. 1046 00:39:46,230 --> 00:39:47,063 Thank you. 1047 00:39:48,292 --> 00:39:49,900 I'd like to thank Mike for shoutin' to everybody from 1048 00:39:49,900 --> 00:39:52,917 Oakland but the one white rapper, G-Eazy, fuck you, Mike. 1049 00:39:52,917 --> 00:39:55,520 (audience cheering and clapping) 1050 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,393 Only motherfucker I got, goddamn. 1051 00:39:59,610 --> 00:40:00,677 I like Oakland, you see shit in Oakland 1052 00:40:00,677 --> 00:40:02,323 you don't see nowhere else. 1053 00:40:03,208 --> 00:40:05,640 I saw a Asian dude with corn rolls speaking Spanish today. 1054 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,320 (audience laughing) 1055 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,186 He was on the BART, it was crazy. 1056 00:40:09,186 --> 00:40:10,019 (audience laughing) 1057 00:40:10,019 --> 00:40:12,882 BART can be a scary place at certain stops. 1058 00:40:12,882 --> 00:40:14,810 (audience laughing) 1059 00:40:14,810 --> 00:40:17,638 I fell asleep, woke up at the Richmond stop. 1060 00:40:17,638 --> 00:40:19,000 (audience laughing) 1061 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,663 Yeah, I didn't get off, I didn't get off. 1062 00:40:20,663 --> 00:40:22,170 (audience laughing) 1063 00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:23,752 Bunch of brothers just lookin' at me. 1064 00:40:23,752 --> 00:40:25,938 Come on out, man, come on out. 1065 00:40:25,938 --> 00:40:28,938 (audience laughing) 1066 00:40:30,380 --> 00:40:31,820 Conductor's like, "This is the last stop." 1067 00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:33,734 Well, I'm goin' home with you, shit. 1068 00:40:33,734 --> 00:40:34,610 (audience laughing) 1069 00:40:34,610 --> 00:40:36,190 I stayed on 'till I saw a Fuddruckers. 1070 00:40:36,190 --> 00:40:37,430 Nothing ever popped off at Fuddruckers. 1071 00:40:37,430 --> 00:40:38,853 I'm riding this bitch out. 1072 00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:41,460 (audience laughing) 1073 00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:43,690 It's good to have stuff in Oakland, man, you know, 1074 00:40:43,690 --> 00:40:47,221 'cause, you know, my wife's from Oakland, you know? 1075 00:40:47,221 --> 00:40:49,960 (audience cheering and clapping) 1076 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,661 Yeah, she went to Skyline High School. 1077 00:40:52,661 --> 00:40:53,843 (audience cheering and clapping) 1078 00:40:53,843 --> 00:40:54,676 (chuckling) 1079 00:40:54,676 --> 00:40:55,803 Fuck yeah, fuckin' her. 1080 00:40:57,020 --> 00:40:59,140 Fuckin' somebody from Skyline, pow. 1081 00:41:01,092 --> 00:41:02,371 (audience laughing) 1082 00:41:02,371 --> 00:41:04,704 (chuckling) 1083 00:41:06,033 --> 00:41:08,230 It's DeMarcus' event, man, but you know, 1084 00:41:08,230 --> 00:41:09,480 when you think of Oakland, man, 1085 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,470 you know, before they startin' winnin' titles, 1086 00:41:11,470 --> 00:41:14,303 it was like Raider country, everybody liked the Raiders. 1087 00:41:14,303 --> 00:41:15,136 (audience cheering and clapping) 1088 00:41:15,136 --> 00:41:17,010 Oakland, fuckin', 1089 00:41:17,010 --> 00:41:20,480 goddamn Mexicans love the Raiders, fuck. 1090 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,380 That's like the Mexican National Team, goddamn it. 1091 00:41:22,380 --> 00:41:24,580 It sounds Mexican, hey, the fuckin' Raiders! 1092 00:41:26,050 --> 00:41:27,293 The fuckin' Raiders! 1093 00:41:28,422 --> 00:41:29,550 (audience laughing) 1094 00:41:29,550 --> 00:41:31,240 Other teams don't sound as Mexican, 1095 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,569 you never see a Mexican, hey, the fuckin' Buccaneers. 1096 00:41:33,569 --> 00:41:34,647 (audience laughing) 1097 00:41:34,647 --> 00:41:36,547 Fuck yeah, the pirates and the shivs, fuck yeah, 1098 00:41:36,547 --> 00:41:38,679 I like the buckin' Buccaneers, Johnny Depp, fuck yeah. 1099 00:41:38,679 --> 00:41:40,609 (audience laughing) 1100 00:41:40,609 --> 00:41:43,240 You gotta be careful, you ever go to a Oakland Raider game, 1101 00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:44,597 fuck you could die. 1102 00:41:44,597 --> 00:41:45,610 (audience laughing) 1103 00:41:45,610 --> 00:41:48,309 You could die, not get beat up, die. 1104 00:41:48,309 --> 00:41:49,520 (audience laughing) 1105 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,600 You can't wear somebody else's jersey at a Raider game. 1106 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,046 Can't be walkin' around the parking lot 1107 00:41:55,046 --> 00:41:57,280 outside of Oakland Coliseum 1108 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,907 sittin' there with a Denver Broncos jersey on. 1109 00:41:59,907 --> 00:42:01,440 Motherfucker come and get stabbed, hey, what the fuck, 1110 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,473 the fuckin' Raiders! 1111 00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,316 What the fuck! 1112 00:42:05,316 --> 00:42:07,410 (audience laughing) 1113 00:42:07,410 --> 00:42:09,062 It's preseason! 1114 00:42:09,062 --> 00:42:10,280 (audience laughing) 1115 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,023 This shit don't even count, bro! 1116 00:42:12,023 --> 00:42:12,856 (audience laughing) 1117 00:42:12,856 --> 00:42:14,903 Hey, fuck you, it's the fuckin' Raiders! 1118 00:42:14,903 --> 00:42:16,620 (audience laughing) 1119 00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:18,500 It's a Tim Tebow jersey. 1120 00:42:18,500 --> 00:42:19,333 (audience laughing) 1121 00:42:19,333 --> 00:42:20,791 It's protected by Christ. 1122 00:42:20,791 --> 00:42:23,730 (audience laughing) 1123 00:42:23,730 --> 00:42:25,930 That's crazy how you can go down a street, 1124 00:42:25,930 --> 00:42:29,222 go to a 49er game, completely different fans, you know? 1125 00:42:29,222 --> 00:42:30,595 (audience laughing) 1126 00:42:30,595 --> 00:42:31,829 Goddamn. 1127 00:42:31,829 --> 00:42:34,662 (audience booing) 1128 00:42:38,947 --> 00:42:41,280 (chuckling) 1129 00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:43,850 Raider games you could die. 1130 00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:47,740 Raider games you could die, 49er fans, look, 1131 00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:50,050 I know you wanna be gangsta but it's tough 1132 00:42:50,050 --> 00:42:52,168 when you're sharing a parking lot with Six Flags. 1133 00:42:52,168 --> 00:42:54,300 (audience laughing) 1134 00:42:54,300 --> 00:42:56,010 Can't be gangsta and you got powdered sugar 1135 00:42:56,010 --> 00:42:58,184 on your motherfuckin' collar and shit. 1136 00:42:58,184 --> 00:43:00,180 (audience laughing) 1137 00:43:00,180 --> 00:43:02,560 You could wear a Broncos jersey to a 49er game. 1138 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,660 I mean the 49er fans will yell at you like they gonna 1139 00:43:04,660 --> 00:43:07,080 do something but then they gonna switch it up at the end. 1140 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,640 They be walkin' around, hey Denver, Denver! 1141 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:11,793 You from Denver? 1142 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,270 Yeah, this is my wife, these are my boys. 1143 00:43:16,270 --> 00:43:18,880 Yeah, we got some bruschetta, just grew it in the garden. 1144 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,880 Yeah, I got some white wine, my wife just made it. 1145 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,830 Yeah, welcome, man, yeah, welcome to Denver. 1146 00:43:22,830 --> 00:43:25,063 We ski there every summer, we love it, yeah. 1147 00:43:25,063 --> 00:43:28,330 (audience laughing) 1148 00:43:28,330 --> 00:43:29,163 Goddamn. 1149 00:43:30,417 --> 00:43:32,530 49er fans are pissed. 1150 00:43:32,530 --> 00:43:34,163 Motherfucker, we ain't nice. 1151 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:38,511 Oh my gosh, yeah. 1152 00:43:38,511 --> 00:43:40,382 (chuckling) 1153 00:43:40,382 --> 00:43:44,465 (audience cheering and clapping) 1154 00:43:45,450 --> 00:43:46,370 Oh my gosh. 1155 00:43:49,937 --> 00:43:52,637 All right, I guess we'll switch it back to basketball. 1156 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,360 Motherfucker act like the season was about to start 1157 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:56,700 in this motherfucker, man. 1158 00:43:56,700 --> 00:44:01,250 My favorite player on Golden State's Klay Thompson. 1159 00:44:01,250 --> 00:44:02,240 You know, 'cause-- 1160 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:03,850 (audience cheering and clapping) 1161 00:44:03,850 --> 00:44:06,480 He's mixed, you know, my kids are mixed, of course. 1162 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:10,035 That's my dude, I see a lot of him in my children, you know? 1163 00:44:10,035 --> 00:44:11,264 (audience laughing) 1164 00:44:11,264 --> 00:44:13,530 You know, mixed guys, they gotta shoot threes, man. 1165 00:44:13,530 --> 00:44:14,800 They're always good three point shooters. 1166 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,380 'Cause you can't be mixed, it's tough when you go 1167 00:44:16,380 --> 00:44:18,430 to the hole, you know, 'cause the white in you says, 1168 00:44:18,430 --> 00:44:21,060 lay it up or pass it, the black in you says, dunk it, 1169 00:44:21,060 --> 00:44:23,008 you're all fucked up, you don't know what to do. 1170 00:44:23,008 --> 00:44:23,920 (audience laughing) 1171 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,161 Shit, I wanna help but I wanna be selfish. 1172 00:44:26,161 --> 00:44:29,161 (audience laughing) 1173 00:44:33,630 --> 00:44:36,368 That's the good thing about comedians, man, you know? 1174 00:44:36,368 --> 00:44:37,725 You know? 1175 00:44:37,725 --> 00:44:38,558 (chuckling) 1176 00:44:38,558 --> 00:44:40,420 Fuckin', this guy. 1177 00:44:40,420 --> 00:44:43,533 Okay, we got it, you're not on the team, Jesus Christ. 1178 00:44:43,533 --> 00:44:44,366 (audience laughing) 1179 00:44:44,366 --> 00:44:46,570 That motherfucker's still talkin' about the Raiders. 1180 00:44:46,570 --> 00:44:48,740 That was eight minutes ago, we gotta move on, motherfucker. 1181 00:44:48,740 --> 00:44:52,270 Goddamn, shit, motherfucker's still up there. 1182 00:44:52,270 --> 00:44:55,090 He sounds a little slow, I might be, I'm gonna be careful. 1183 00:44:55,090 --> 00:44:57,493 That motherfucker might be up there, Raiders! 1184 00:44:59,631 --> 00:45:02,631 (audience laughing) 1185 00:45:04,896 --> 00:45:05,729 Raiders! 1186 00:45:08,352 --> 00:45:09,185 Raiders! 1187 00:45:11,215 --> 00:45:14,200 Raiders, I'm sittin' here baggin' on him. 1188 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:15,910 This fuckin', his brother's up there, 1189 00:45:15,910 --> 00:45:17,923 shut the fuck up, Corky, shit. 1190 00:45:18,980 --> 00:45:21,130 I sorry, I sorry, thought he said, Raiders. 1191 00:45:21,970 --> 00:45:23,800 No, he said, Raiders. 1192 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:27,430 He said, Raiders, you say, Raiders, you say, Raiders! 1193 00:45:27,430 --> 00:45:29,053 You told me, when they say Raiders, you say, Raiders! 1194 00:45:30,409 --> 00:45:31,440 (audience laughing) 1195 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,640 Sorry 'bout that, sorry 'bout that. 1196 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:35,600 I gotta apologize. 1197 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:36,450 I don't want a bunch of motherfuckers 1198 00:45:36,450 --> 00:45:38,223 picketing my show next week. 1199 00:45:39,390 --> 00:45:42,027 Got a bunch of motherfuckers out front. 1200 00:45:42,027 --> 00:45:44,250 (audience laughing) 1201 00:45:44,250 --> 00:45:45,594 That's why you can't say nothin', man. 1202 00:45:45,594 --> 00:45:47,740 Everybody today all sensitive, man, like, 1203 00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:49,909 but people say stupid shit, you know, 1204 00:45:49,909 --> 00:45:51,230 they won't talk about it, like, this past year, 1205 00:45:51,230 --> 00:45:54,600 DJ Khaled said the dumbest shit I heard all year. 1206 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,830 DJ Khaled went on the Breakfast Club and in the middle 1207 00:45:56,830 --> 00:45:58,380 of the interview, with a straight face, 1208 00:45:58,380 --> 00:46:01,000 said he don't eat pussy. 1209 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,880 And I'm like, well, I'm lookin' at your body, 1210 00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,317 you eat everything else, motherfucker, shit! 1211 00:46:05,317 --> 00:46:06,280 (audience laughing) 1212 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,570 But you don't eat pussy? 1213 00:46:08,570 --> 00:46:10,350 The one thing you can eat, ain't gonna make you gain 1214 00:46:10,350 --> 00:46:12,179 no weight, you don't eat that, okay, 1215 00:46:12,179 --> 00:46:13,860 get the fuck outta here with that shit. 1216 00:46:13,860 --> 00:46:15,760 Goddamn pussy gluten free, ain't nobody gain weight 1217 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,233 from eating too much pussy. 1218 00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:18,850 (audience laughing) 1219 00:46:18,850 --> 00:46:20,700 And don't get it twisted, I like DJ Khaled, 1220 00:46:20,700 --> 00:46:22,850 he's a very positive individual but goddamn, dude, 1221 00:46:22,850 --> 00:46:25,590 stop workin' out on social media, we don't believe you. 1222 00:46:25,590 --> 00:46:26,820 (audience laughing) 1223 00:46:26,820 --> 00:46:28,213 Motherfucker's working out, eating healthy and shit. 1224 00:46:28,213 --> 00:46:30,010 I mean, okay, where the cookies 1225 00:46:30,010 --> 00:46:31,710 and cakes at in your house, Khaled? 1226 00:46:31,710 --> 00:46:32,543 I know he got a cookie jar 1227 00:46:32,543 --> 00:46:34,470 that he ain't showin' us on Snapchat. 1228 00:46:34,470 --> 00:46:36,350 I bet you every night, Khaled puts his phone down, 1229 00:46:36,350 --> 00:46:38,610 opens up that cookie drawer, he got girl scout cookies, 1230 00:46:38,610 --> 00:46:42,550 Chips Ahoy, double stuffed Oreos, just killin' them cookies. 1231 00:46:42,550 --> 00:46:44,098 Mm, another one. 1232 00:46:44,098 --> 00:46:45,180 (audience laughing) 1233 00:46:45,180 --> 00:46:46,501 Another one. 1234 00:46:46,501 --> 00:46:47,900 (audience laughing) 1235 00:46:47,900 --> 00:46:50,065 You like them Oreos, they the best. 1236 00:46:50,065 --> 00:46:53,602 (audience laughing) 1237 00:46:53,602 --> 00:46:55,935 (chuckling) 1238 00:46:57,620 --> 00:46:59,441 Somebody out there laughed a little too hard, fuck. 1239 00:46:59,441 --> 00:47:01,806 (audience laughing) 1240 00:47:01,806 --> 00:47:05,220 I get so sick of watching like, "Marriage Bootcamp." 1241 00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:06,370 Motherfuckers quick to get married 1242 00:47:06,370 --> 00:47:09,360 and put all they business on national TV, man. 1243 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,150 I don't get that shit, man, I don't get like, 1244 00:47:11,150 --> 00:47:13,234 watching Dr. Phil, Iyanla Vanzant, 1245 00:47:13,234 --> 00:47:14,130 motherfuckin' marriage ain't goin' well, 1246 00:47:14,130 --> 00:47:16,920 motherfuckers run in TV, I don't get that shit. 1247 00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:18,250 Me and my wife, we don't play that shit. 1248 00:47:18,250 --> 00:47:19,830 We keep all our shit in house, 1249 00:47:19,830 --> 00:47:22,590 you ain't hearing shit from us, fuck that. 1250 00:47:22,590 --> 00:47:24,180 You know, 'cause every time you see somebody 1251 00:47:24,180 --> 00:47:26,870 go on Dr. Phil, he gives them the same advice, you know? 1252 00:47:26,870 --> 00:47:29,390 You guys just gotta learn how to talk. 1253 00:47:29,390 --> 00:47:31,130 Learn how to communicate, get to know each other, 1254 00:47:31,130 --> 00:47:32,770 get him from the inside. 1255 00:47:32,770 --> 00:47:34,851 No, you don't, you ain't gotta talk, 1256 00:47:34,851 --> 00:47:35,960 you ain't gotta communicate. 1257 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,330 Let me tell you something, I've been with my wife 1258 00:47:37,330 --> 00:47:39,660 for 20 years, it ain't brain surgery. 1259 00:47:39,660 --> 00:47:41,510 If you want your relationship to last, 1260 00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:44,340 since the beginning of time, it's the same formula. 1261 00:47:44,340 --> 00:47:47,090 Just keep suckin' dick and eatin' pussy, you'll make it. 1262 00:47:47,090 --> 00:47:49,760 You'll make it, that's all you gotta do. 1263 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,730 You ain't gotta talk, me and my wife go weeks 1264 00:47:51,730 --> 00:47:54,674 without talkin', she still suckin' dick, we still together. 1265 00:47:54,674 --> 00:47:56,450 (audience laughing) 1266 00:47:56,450 --> 00:47:58,421 My wife got a job right now, I don't know 1267 00:47:58,421 --> 00:48:00,000 where the fuck she works. 1268 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,140 Like, Gary, how's your wife doin'? 1269 00:48:01,140 --> 00:48:03,020 She good, man, she real good, where she workin' at? 1270 00:48:03,020 --> 00:48:04,099 Shit, I don't know? 1271 00:48:04,099 --> 00:48:07,666 (audience laughing) 1272 00:48:07,666 --> 00:48:08,730 I mean you gotta be honest with each other, 1273 00:48:08,730 --> 00:48:10,300 you do gotta be honest with each other. 1274 00:48:10,300 --> 00:48:11,880 'Cause I been with my wife 20 years 1275 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,190 and I think in 20 years there were two times 1276 00:48:15,190 --> 00:48:18,140 I went down on her and it was a little tart, you know? 1277 00:48:18,140 --> 00:48:20,623 And I let her know, I went, oh, shit. 1278 00:48:22,217 --> 00:48:24,120 I don't know what the fuck you ate today 1279 00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,490 but it ain't workin' with your chemistry right now. 1280 00:48:26,490 --> 00:48:28,550 So I need you to hop in the shower, handle that shit, 1281 00:48:28,550 --> 00:48:29,938 and I'll be here when you get out. 1282 00:48:29,938 --> 00:48:30,771 (audience laughing) 1283 00:48:30,771 --> 00:48:33,800 My wife got mad at me, I can't believe you said that shit! 1284 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,494 What, I'm still gonna eat your pussy. 1285 00:48:35,494 --> 00:48:36,330 (audience laughing) 1286 00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:38,023 Look, I'll be here when you get out. 1287 00:48:38,890 --> 00:48:41,060 Ain't like my dick and balls don't get salty 1288 00:48:41,060 --> 00:48:43,470 from time to time, just let me know, 1289 00:48:43,470 --> 00:48:44,710 ain't nobody gonna be mad. 1290 00:48:44,710 --> 00:48:47,107 Like, Gary, I be right back, baby, sorry. 1291 00:48:47,107 --> 00:48:50,170 (audience laughing) 1292 00:48:50,170 --> 00:48:53,570 Don't want you suckin' on a dirty dick and some dirty balls. 1293 00:48:53,570 --> 00:48:54,403 (audience laughing) 1294 00:48:54,403 --> 00:48:56,643 Want you suckin' on a clean dick with some clean balls. 1295 00:48:56,643 --> 00:48:59,643 (audience laughing) 1296 00:49:01,130 --> 00:49:02,209 That could be a song. 1297 00:49:02,209 --> 00:49:04,377 ♪ Salty balls ♪ 1298 00:49:04,377 --> 00:49:07,910 ♪ Don't want you suckin' on no salty balls ♪ 1299 00:49:07,910 --> 00:49:09,369 Get some background singers. 1300 00:49:09,369 --> 00:49:11,430 ♪ Salty balls salty balls ♪ 1301 00:49:11,430 --> 00:49:13,765 ♪ No no no suckin' on no salty balls ♪ 1302 00:49:13,765 --> 00:49:16,038 ♪ Salty balls ♪ 1303 00:49:16,038 --> 00:49:19,110 ♪ Don't want you suckin' on no salty balls ♪ 1304 00:49:19,110 --> 00:49:22,297 ♪ Salty balls salty balls no no no ♪ 1305 00:49:22,297 --> 00:49:24,793 (audience laughing) 1306 00:49:24,793 --> 00:49:26,201 Sorry 'bout that. 1307 00:49:26,201 --> 00:49:28,326 (audience laughing) 1308 00:49:28,326 --> 00:49:29,159 Got some white people in the audience, 1309 00:49:29,159 --> 00:49:31,180 I wanna make sure they're covered too. 1310 00:49:31,180 --> 00:49:33,315 Make sure I got a country version. 1311 00:49:33,315 --> 00:49:38,315 ♪ I don't want you suckin' ♪ 1312 00:49:38,472 --> 00:49:42,201 ♪ Suckin' on them salty balls ♪ 1313 00:49:42,201 --> 00:49:44,121 (audience laughing) 1314 00:49:44,121 --> 00:49:46,819 ♪ I don't want you ♪ 1315 00:49:46,819 --> 00:49:49,625 ♪ I don't want you ♪ 1316 00:49:49,625 --> 00:49:54,105 ♪ I don't want you suckin' on them balls ♪ 1317 00:49:54,105 --> 00:49:55,160 (audience laughing) 1318 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,110 Oakland, you're always great, you know. 1319 00:49:58,396 --> 00:50:00,030 This is the reason my wife's here. 1320 00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:03,210 We moved back to the bay, it's a great city, great people 1321 00:50:03,210 --> 00:50:04,740 and thank you to Marcus for having this, thank you, 1322 00:50:04,740 --> 00:50:06,755 Mike Epps, I'm Gary Owen, I'll see y'all next time, 1323 00:50:06,755 --> 00:50:07,588 thank you, goodnight! 1324 00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:08,421 (upbeat music) 1325 00:50:08,421 --> 00:50:12,504 (audience cheering and clapping) 1326 00:50:16,255 --> 00:50:17,520 - I like comin' to Oakland, y'all got some 1327 00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,450 nice lookin' ladies, I go to some cities, 1328 00:50:19,450 --> 00:50:21,262 it's hard to look in the audience. 1329 00:50:21,262 --> 00:50:23,120 (audience laughing) 1330 00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,672 Three rows of werewolves right in front. 1331 00:50:25,672 --> 00:50:27,351 (audience laughing) 1332 00:50:27,351 --> 00:50:29,905 (howling) 1333 00:50:29,905 --> 00:50:31,500 I said, how these ugly bitches get the money 1334 00:50:31,500 --> 00:50:33,283 to get these tickets in the front? 1335 00:50:33,283 --> 00:50:36,420 (audience laughing) 1336 00:50:36,420 --> 00:50:39,756 Yeah, y'all ready for more comedy? 1337 00:50:39,756 --> 00:50:41,590 (audience cheering and clapping) 1338 00:50:41,590 --> 00:50:44,763 Man, with this little kid jacket on right here, man. 1339 00:50:44,763 --> 00:50:45,720 (audience laughing) 1340 00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:47,932 That's a back to school jacket. 1341 00:50:47,932 --> 00:50:50,520 (audience laughing) 1342 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:52,794 Where the Mexicans at, where the Mexicans at? 1343 00:50:52,794 --> 00:50:55,400 (audience cheering and clapping) 1344 00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,782 I smell, there go Chuy Gomez! 1345 00:50:57,782 --> 00:51:02,665 (audience cheering and clapping) 1346 00:51:02,665 --> 00:51:04,326 There's the son, right there. 1347 00:51:04,326 --> 00:51:06,460 (audience laughing) 1348 00:51:06,460 --> 00:51:08,200 It's a lot of Mexicans in here, you brothers 1349 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,256 better go to work, 'cause they watching your attendance. 1350 00:51:11,256 --> 00:51:13,160 (audience laughing) 1351 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,810 Every time you call in, they tell their friend. 1352 00:51:15,810 --> 00:51:16,940 Look, Juan, you're gonna get the job 1353 00:51:16,940 --> 00:51:18,323 real soon, I'm telling you. 1354 00:51:18,323 --> 00:51:21,323 (audience laughing) 1355 00:51:24,663 --> 00:51:26,760 I know I'll never get my hair cut in Oakland again. 1356 00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:28,893 My hair line was right here yesterday. 1357 00:51:28,893 --> 00:51:31,893 (audience laughing) 1358 00:51:43,157 --> 00:51:46,200 Yeah, it's goin' down, man, this is the Boogie Cousin 1359 00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:50,620 Comedy Slam, third annual, you know what I'm sayin'? 1360 00:51:50,620 --> 00:51:52,570 He's bringing this straight to Oakland. 1361 00:51:53,905 --> 00:51:54,780 You know what I'm sayin'? 1362 00:51:54,780 --> 00:51:57,911 Bringing this, thanks, I appreciate that, buddy. 1363 00:51:57,911 --> 00:51:58,744 (audience laughing) 1364 00:51:58,744 --> 00:52:00,331 How the hos treatin' you? 1365 00:52:00,331 --> 00:52:03,331 (audience laughing) 1366 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,671 Y'all ready for the next comic? 1367 00:52:16,671 --> 00:52:17,930 (audience cheering and clapping) 1368 00:52:17,930 --> 00:52:20,270 Coming to the stage, this is my man, man, 1369 00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:22,480 I'm talkin' about, when I tell you funny, 1370 00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,780 raw, unadulterated, straight outta Detroit, 1371 00:52:25,780 --> 00:52:27,680 you seen this man, you love him, 1372 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:31,438 give it up for the one and only, Tony Roberts! 1373 00:52:31,438 --> 00:52:32,718 (upbeat music) 1374 00:52:32,718 --> 00:52:36,801 (audience cheering and clapping) 1375 00:52:37,882 --> 00:52:39,310 - Hell yeah, Oakland, 1376 00:52:39,310 --> 00:52:41,510 where the thick women at with confidence? 1377 00:52:41,510 --> 00:52:43,146 Clap your hands. 1378 00:52:43,146 --> 00:52:44,510 (audience cheering and clapping) 1379 00:52:44,510 --> 00:52:46,352 This song is for you. 1380 00:52:46,352 --> 00:52:48,140 ♪ Stomach is the new titty ♪ 1381 00:52:48,140 --> 00:52:49,750 ♪ Stomach the new titty ♪ 1382 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,654 ♪ I don't care if you 50 ♪ 1383 00:52:51,654 --> 00:52:53,390 ♪ That stomach is the new titty ♪ 1384 00:52:53,390 --> 00:52:55,401 ♪ Ladies stomach is the new titty ♪ 1385 00:52:55,401 --> 00:52:57,210 ♪ Stomach the new titty ♪ 1386 00:52:57,210 --> 00:52:59,483 Fuck a sit up, fuck Jenny Craig. 1387 00:53:02,113 --> 00:53:03,716 ♪ Some like it flat ♪ 1388 00:53:03,716 --> 00:53:05,508 ♪ I say fuck that ♪ 1389 00:53:05,508 --> 00:53:07,188 ♪ No breast no stomach no back ♪ 1390 00:53:07,188 --> 00:53:09,218 ♪ Look like a shaved cat ♪ 1391 00:53:09,218 --> 00:53:11,120 ♪ Real women got that girth ♪ 1392 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:12,891 ♪ It's in their genes at birth ♪ 1393 00:53:12,891 --> 00:53:14,762 ♪ I'm a show you what it's worth ♪ 1394 00:53:14,762 --> 00:53:16,741 ♪ Go hard or get hurt ♪ 1395 00:53:16,741 --> 00:53:18,357 ♪ Let me tell you without a doubt ♪ 1396 00:53:18,357 --> 00:53:20,214 ♪ Thick is in thin is out ♪ 1397 00:53:20,214 --> 00:53:21,857 ♪ Some gotta rock it off that couch ♪ 1398 00:53:21,857 --> 00:53:23,971 ♪ Raise the roof let me pat that pouch ♪ 1399 00:53:23,971 --> 00:53:26,127 ♪ Cute face thick waist ♪ 1400 00:53:26,127 --> 00:53:28,034 ♪ You got me on that chase ♪ 1401 00:53:28,034 --> 00:53:29,608 ♪ You know I crave the taste ♪ 1402 00:53:29,608 --> 00:53:31,516 ♪ Drop that monkey slap my face ♪ 1403 00:53:31,516 --> 00:53:33,636 ♪ Eeny meeny miny moe ♪ 1404 00:53:33,636 --> 00:53:35,313 ♪ Skinny girls don't want this flow ♪ 1405 00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,448 ♪ Turn they nose up and say so ♪ 1406 00:53:37,448 --> 00:53:39,197 ♪ Then mind your business ho ♪ 1407 00:53:39,197 --> 00:53:41,144 (audience cheering and clapping) 1408 00:53:41,144 --> 00:53:43,770 ♪ Stomach is the new titty ♪ 1409 00:53:43,770 --> 00:53:46,898 You motherfuckers fine as shit. 1410 00:53:46,898 --> 00:53:47,731 Shit! 1411 00:53:49,227 --> 00:53:50,190 I wrote that song for the thick women 1412 00:53:50,190 --> 00:53:52,310 'cause I'm from Detroit, we breed thick women. 1413 00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:55,457 You see a skinny bitch in Detroit, she's a visitor. 1414 00:53:55,457 --> 00:53:57,490 (audience laughing) 1415 00:53:57,490 --> 00:53:58,680 Where the big girls can't catch their kids 1416 00:53:58,680 --> 00:53:59,713 so they throw shit at 'em. 1417 00:53:59,713 --> 00:54:02,008 Get the fuck over here, motherfucker. 1418 00:54:02,008 --> 00:54:02,841 (audience laughing) 1419 00:54:02,841 --> 00:54:04,640 (chuckling) 1420 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,830 If you gotta get up two times, bitch, you winnin'. 1421 00:54:06,830 --> 00:54:09,815 If you gotta do this, you winnin'! 1422 00:54:09,815 --> 00:54:12,657 (audience laughing) 1423 00:54:12,657 --> 00:54:14,710 This how the girls look in Hollywood, skinny as shit, 1424 00:54:14,710 --> 00:54:16,656 gluten free, these bitches right here. 1425 00:54:16,656 --> 00:54:17,500 (audience laughing) 1426 00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:18,537 You don't see 'em 'till they get close to you. 1427 00:54:18,537 --> 00:54:20,600 You go, oh, shit, girl, where you come from? 1428 00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:21,946 I thought you was a meter. 1429 00:54:21,946 --> 00:54:23,030 (audience laughing) 1430 00:54:23,030 --> 00:54:26,210 Let me put a quarter in your mouth, add a hour to your life. 1431 00:54:26,210 --> 00:54:28,317 'Cause you about to expire, goddamn it. 1432 00:54:28,317 --> 00:54:29,150 (audience laughing) 1433 00:54:29,150 --> 00:54:31,140 Y'all sexy as shit, I'm back in Oakland, 1434 00:54:31,140 --> 00:54:33,828 home of the potholes, let me tell you this, nigga. 1435 00:54:33,828 --> 00:54:35,150 (audience laughing) 1436 00:54:35,150 --> 00:54:35,983 What? 1437 00:54:37,420 --> 00:54:39,430 I hit a pothole today, my door came open. 1438 00:54:39,430 --> 00:54:41,878 I'm on the door, trying to get back in the car. 1439 00:54:41,878 --> 00:54:43,627 (audience laughing) 1440 00:54:43,627 --> 00:54:45,360 I ran over a goddamn grave. 1441 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:47,760 (audience laughing) 1442 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,900 I know raggedy, I'm from Detroit. 1443 00:54:49,900 --> 00:54:51,706 I know raggedy when I see it. 1444 00:54:51,706 --> 00:54:52,780 (audience laughing) 1445 00:54:52,780 --> 00:54:54,580 You ever go somebody's house and the mouse traps 1446 00:54:54,580 --> 00:54:56,628 in the open, you go, damn, they come out here? 1447 00:54:56,628 --> 00:54:58,240 (audience laughing) 1448 00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:00,096 He's supposed to be behind the stove. 1449 00:55:00,096 --> 00:55:00,929 (audience laughing) 1450 00:55:00,929 --> 00:55:01,940 I can't stay for dinner 'cause 1451 00:55:01,940 --> 00:55:04,118 they come out here, they'll jump on my lap, nigga. 1452 00:55:04,118 --> 00:55:06,604 (audience laughing) 1453 00:55:06,604 --> 00:55:07,890 I love you motherfucker, I seen a white lady 1454 00:55:07,890 --> 00:55:10,135 with yellow teeth today, she looked like a deviled egg. 1455 00:55:10,135 --> 00:55:13,135 (audience laughing) 1456 00:55:17,331 --> 00:55:19,196 Bitch, what you brush your teeth with, a phone book? 1457 00:55:19,196 --> 00:55:21,380 (audience laughing) 1458 00:55:21,380 --> 00:55:22,973 What the fuck is goin' on? 1459 00:55:22,973 --> 00:55:24,840 (audience laughing) 1460 00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,730 I'm tired now, who on 45, where you at? 1461 00:55:27,730 --> 00:55:30,046 Who tired and sleepy right now, fuck this shit. 1462 00:55:30,046 --> 00:55:31,315 (audience laughing) 1463 00:55:31,315 --> 00:55:32,630 They shoulda did this shit in the day time, nigga, 1464 00:55:32,630 --> 00:55:33,947 I'm tired as fuck. 1465 00:55:33,947 --> 00:55:34,780 (audience laughing) 1466 00:55:34,780 --> 00:55:37,428 Nigga, my knee hurt for nothin', all I did was live. 1467 00:55:37,428 --> 00:55:38,820 (audience laughing) 1468 00:55:38,820 --> 00:55:40,630 Where the niggas at, where the 45 and over? 1469 00:55:40,630 --> 00:55:42,786 I peed three times last night, who with me? 1470 00:55:42,786 --> 00:55:43,700 (audience laughing) 1471 00:55:43,700 --> 00:55:46,030 Fuck you, y'all niggas, you don't know shit. 1472 00:55:46,030 --> 00:55:48,068 That nigga pee every Tuesday, he don't give a fuck. 1473 00:55:48,068 --> 00:55:51,068 (audience laughing) 1474 00:55:52,376 --> 00:55:54,160 Been riding around this city for two goddamn days, 1475 00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,630 let me tell you something, I'm the kinda nigga 1476 00:55:56,630 --> 00:55:57,540 you don't wanna be in front 1477 00:55:57,540 --> 00:55:59,272 of if you ain't got your shit together. 1478 00:55:59,272 --> 00:56:00,130 (audience laughing) 1479 00:56:00,130 --> 00:56:01,710 I'm the kinda nigga that drive 1480 00:56:01,710 --> 00:56:03,700 'cause I got somewhere to fuckin' go. 1481 00:56:03,700 --> 00:56:06,140 I ain't by myself, I ain't only one got the problem. 1482 00:56:06,140 --> 00:56:08,790 I got family here right now, if I say this and it pertain 1483 00:56:08,790 --> 00:56:11,150 to you, you raise your hand, fuck anybody around you 1484 00:56:11,150 --> 00:56:13,988 'cause we won, where my road ragers at? 1485 00:56:13,988 --> 00:56:15,310 Where the real road ragers at? 1486 00:56:15,310 --> 00:56:17,350 The real deal, thank you, thank you. 1487 00:56:17,350 --> 00:56:19,190 For y'all who didn't raise your hand, let me tell you 1488 00:56:19,190 --> 00:56:22,774 something, the speed limit is a goddamn suggestion. 1489 00:56:22,774 --> 00:56:25,180 (audience laughing) 1490 00:56:25,180 --> 00:56:27,189 Please get the fuck out our way. 1491 00:56:27,189 --> 00:56:28,022 (audience laughing) 1492 00:56:28,022 --> 00:56:30,899 65 mean 80 everybody know this shit. 1493 00:56:30,899 --> 00:56:32,418 (audience laughing) 1494 00:56:32,418 --> 00:56:33,418 Whoa, nigga! 1495 00:56:34,660 --> 00:56:36,650 Road rager, road rage? 1496 00:56:36,650 --> 00:56:38,399 You know when somebody get in front of you, 1497 00:56:38,399 --> 00:56:39,410 I don't give a fuck who it is or how old they are. 1498 00:56:39,410 --> 00:56:42,793 You want their goddamn head to fall off. 1499 00:56:42,793 --> 00:56:43,760 (audience laughing) 1500 00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:44,593 Bitch, move! 1501 00:56:45,993 --> 00:56:47,360 I had a truck in front of me, I couldn't get around him, 1502 00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,163 nigga, I almost threw up in my lap. 1503 00:56:49,163 --> 00:56:51,230 (audience laughing) 1504 00:56:51,230 --> 00:56:53,480 It had a 800 number, how's my driving on the back, 1505 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:54,620 I grabbed my phone, I'm a show you 1506 00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:56,237 how your motherfuckin' drivin' is. 1507 00:56:56,237 --> 00:56:57,114 (audience laughing) 1508 00:56:57,114 --> 00:56:58,720 They said, "Lowe's Moving Company, can I help you?" 1509 00:56:58,720 --> 00:57:00,367 I said, "Move the fuck over." 1510 00:57:00,367 --> 00:57:02,020 (audience laughing) 1511 00:57:02,020 --> 00:57:03,237 Oh, fuck. 1512 00:57:03,237 --> 00:57:05,310 (audience laughing) 1513 00:57:05,310 --> 00:57:07,666 Only road ragers gonna understand this right here, what 1514 00:57:07,666 --> 00:57:09,480 I'm about to say, only road ragers. 1515 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:11,350 You ever be in bumper to bumper traffic and a truck, 1516 00:57:11,350 --> 00:57:13,947 the car in front of you got this much space between them? 1517 00:57:13,947 --> 00:57:17,040 (audience laughing) 1518 00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:18,420 You wanna get out your car, yo, 1519 00:57:18,420 --> 00:57:20,223 get the fuck up here, right now. 1520 00:57:20,223 --> 00:57:22,250 (audience laughing) 1521 00:57:22,250 --> 00:57:24,352 This can get your ass beat, right here. 1522 00:57:24,352 --> 00:57:25,540 (audience laughing) 1523 00:57:25,540 --> 00:57:27,746 Road ragers know what the fuck I'm talkin' about. 1524 00:57:27,746 --> 00:57:29,146 (chuckling) 1525 00:57:29,146 --> 00:57:31,630 (audience laughing) 1526 00:57:31,630 --> 00:57:33,223 We cuss people the fuck out. 1527 00:57:34,460 --> 00:57:37,093 When I'm behind the wheel, I'm racist, I don't give a fuck. 1528 00:57:37,093 --> 00:57:39,383 (audience laughing) 1529 00:57:39,383 --> 00:57:41,040 You can be black, move, nigga, you ain't seen your kids 1530 00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,120 in two years, hope you're going to see somebody, 1531 00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:44,756 motherfucker, move! 1532 00:57:44,756 --> 00:57:46,365 (audience laughing) 1533 00:57:46,365 --> 00:57:47,198 I don't care if he's Chinese, nigga, 1534 00:57:47,198 --> 00:57:49,273 you built the car, you can't drive the bitch? 1535 00:57:49,273 --> 00:57:50,200 (audience laughing) 1536 00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,353 It say Toyota on the motherfucker. 1537 00:57:52,353 --> 00:57:55,290 (audience laughing) 1538 00:57:55,290 --> 00:57:57,421 I got it bad, I'm gettin' mad right now. 1539 00:57:57,421 --> 00:57:59,740 (audience laughing) 1540 00:57:59,740 --> 00:58:01,740 Road ragers, we cuss people out like a mother, 1541 00:58:01,740 --> 00:58:03,740 who cuss them out, you cuss they ass out? 1542 00:58:03,740 --> 00:58:06,453 Thank you, thank you but you can't take it. 1543 00:58:07,330 --> 00:58:09,573 You do something to me, we got a goddamn problem. 1544 00:58:09,573 --> 00:58:10,870 (audience laughing) 1545 00:58:10,870 --> 00:58:12,960 Let me be at a red light and it turn green. 1546 00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:14,850 One second later, you honk your horn at me. 1547 00:58:14,850 --> 00:58:16,414 I wish the fuck you would. 1548 00:58:16,414 --> 00:58:17,390 (audience laughing) 1549 00:58:17,390 --> 00:58:19,580 Honk your goddamn horn at me, nigga. 1550 00:58:19,580 --> 00:58:21,270 I cut my car off, get on the hood 1551 00:58:21,270 --> 00:58:23,610 and feed birds for 30 minutes. 1552 00:58:23,610 --> 00:58:25,630 Here, bird, eat, fuck her. 1553 00:58:25,630 --> 00:58:27,430 You gonna be late today, goddamn it! 1554 00:58:28,710 --> 00:58:30,510 I get outta my car, rotate my tires, 1555 00:58:30,510 --> 00:58:31,940 bitch, you don't know me. 1556 00:58:31,940 --> 00:58:34,460 I take all these motherfuckers off. 1557 00:58:34,460 --> 00:58:36,243 You ain't goin' home tonight! 1558 00:58:36,243 --> 00:58:37,400 (audience laughing) 1559 00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:38,833 I got it bad. 1560 00:58:38,833 --> 00:58:39,860 (audience laughing) 1561 00:58:39,860 --> 00:58:42,310 I ain't by myself, everybody in here know somebody 1562 00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:44,090 that you need to take they driver license 1563 00:58:44,090 --> 00:58:45,920 and cut it the fuck up. 1564 00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:47,780 You might be with the person now, don't say nothin' 1565 00:58:47,780 --> 00:58:49,137 just wink your eye. 1566 00:58:49,137 --> 00:58:51,761 (audience laughing) 1567 00:58:51,761 --> 00:58:52,710 That's how my sister is, this bitch 1568 00:58:52,710 --> 00:58:54,527 got the brains of a bracelet. 1569 00:58:54,527 --> 00:58:56,310 (audience laughing) 1570 00:58:56,310 --> 00:58:57,620 This how she drive, 1571 00:58:57,620 --> 00:58:59,814 damn, they can put a curb anywhere. 1572 00:58:59,814 --> 00:59:01,170 (audience laughing) 1573 00:59:01,170 --> 00:59:02,983 Yeah, bitch, on the sidewalk! 1574 00:59:02,983 --> 00:59:06,170 (audience laughing) 1575 00:59:06,170 --> 00:59:08,260 Stupid ass, she had a set of twins, named her daughter 1576 00:59:08,260 --> 00:59:10,161 Denise, and the boy Danephew. 1577 00:59:10,161 --> 00:59:13,161 (audience laughing) 1578 00:59:14,011 --> 00:59:15,170 What kinda stupid shit is this, Steph? 1579 00:59:15,170 --> 00:59:16,884 What kinda stupid shit is this? 1580 00:59:16,884 --> 00:59:19,884 (audience laughing) 1581 00:59:20,980 --> 00:59:22,797 Get your shit together. 1582 00:59:22,797 --> 00:59:23,870 (audience laughing) 1583 00:59:23,870 --> 00:59:26,106 How many women drive faster than they man? 1584 00:59:26,106 --> 00:59:26,939 (audience cheering and clapping) 1585 00:59:26,939 --> 00:59:28,920 Where you at, raise your hand, reckless heifers. 1586 00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:29,894 Raise your hand. 1587 00:59:29,894 --> 00:59:31,033 (audience laughing) 1588 00:59:31,033 --> 00:59:33,203 That's how my wife drive, fast as fuck. 1589 00:59:33,203 --> 00:59:34,210 I don't know why she ain't wearing gloves 1590 00:59:34,210 --> 00:59:36,450 and a helmet on with Wonder Bread on her car. 1591 00:59:36,450 --> 00:59:37,570 (audience laughing) 1592 00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:39,630 Fellas, you ever out with your woman, she driving so fast, 1593 00:59:39,630 --> 00:59:40,930 you don't understand what's goin' on, you like, 1594 00:59:40,930 --> 00:59:42,311 we ain't even late. 1595 00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:43,260 (audience laughing) 1596 00:59:43,260 --> 00:59:46,390 Look is somebody, you chasin', you passin' cars like this-- 1597 00:59:46,390 --> 00:59:48,052 (making whooshing sounds) 1598 00:59:48,052 --> 00:59:49,452 Is there somebody chasing us? 1599 00:59:49,452 --> 00:59:50,285 (audience laughing) 1600 00:59:50,285 --> 00:59:52,093 You look at her, this bitch driving like this. 1601 00:59:52,093 --> 00:59:54,420 (audience laughing) 1602 00:59:54,420 --> 00:59:55,413 This bitch crazy. 1603 00:59:55,413 --> 00:59:58,413 (audience laughing) 1604 01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:06,900 That's how my wife, she drive fast, spend money. 1605 01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:08,780 She go to them high end stores. 1606 01:00:08,780 --> 01:00:11,060 Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Nordstrom's. 1607 01:00:11,060 --> 01:00:13,240 Fuck that, I'm a bargain nigga, fuck with me 1608 01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:14,737 and get these savings. 1609 01:00:14,737 --> 01:00:15,690 (audience laughing) 1610 01:00:15,690 --> 01:00:17,750 I'm Walmart, Target, Ross For Less, 1611 01:00:17,750 --> 01:00:19,253 who with me, fuck this shit. 1612 01:00:20,251 --> 01:00:21,580 You go to Ross For Less, that shit's so cheap, 1613 01:00:21,580 --> 01:00:23,070 you talk to yourself in the aisle, 1614 01:00:23,070 --> 01:00:24,250 eight dollars for this whole sweater, 1615 01:00:24,250 --> 01:00:26,620 this whole sweater eight dollars, the sleeves too? 1616 01:00:26,620 --> 01:00:27,810 I don't understand this shit, 1617 01:00:27,810 --> 01:00:29,247 I'm buying this shit right now. 1618 01:00:29,247 --> 01:00:30,300 (audience laughing) 1619 01:00:30,300 --> 01:00:31,840 You get home, the back is up right here, 1620 01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:34,638 it's a halter top in the back and a sweater in the front. 1621 01:00:34,638 --> 01:00:35,909 I don't give a fuck, I'm buying it. 1622 01:00:35,909 --> 01:00:37,270 (audience laughing) 1623 01:00:37,270 --> 01:00:39,100 Fuck with me and get these savings. 1624 01:00:39,100 --> 01:00:40,761 (audience laughing) 1625 01:00:40,761 --> 01:00:43,800 (chuckling) 1626 01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,470 That's what I do, I don't give a fuck, I'm cheap. 1627 01:00:46,470 --> 01:00:48,360 My kids talkin' about they want a big screen TV. 1628 01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:52,140 I move all the furniture closer to the goddamn TV. 1629 01:00:52,140 --> 01:00:53,280 There you go. 1630 01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:55,055 Now they under that bitch like this. 1631 01:00:55,055 --> 01:00:58,250 (audience laughing) 1632 01:00:58,250 --> 01:00:59,838 Fuck you mean? 1633 01:00:59,838 --> 01:01:03,120 (audience laughing) 1634 01:01:03,120 --> 01:01:05,378 My wife a health nut, who go to the gym? 1635 01:01:05,378 --> 01:01:06,220 (audience cheering and clapping) 1636 01:01:06,220 --> 01:01:07,921 Who need to go to the gym? 1637 01:01:07,921 --> 01:01:09,790 (audience cheering and clapping) 1638 01:01:09,790 --> 01:01:11,190 Some of y'all think you don't need to go to gym 1639 01:01:11,190 --> 01:01:12,710 'cause you look good in your clothes. 1640 01:01:12,710 --> 01:01:14,203 Fuck that, yes, you do. 1641 01:01:15,210 --> 01:01:17,960 Eat in the mirror naked one time, you gonna be in the gym 1642 01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:19,780 the next goddamn day. 1643 01:01:19,780 --> 01:01:22,228 It's gonna look like you puttin' food in a back pack. 1644 01:01:22,228 --> 01:01:24,060 (audience laughing) 1645 01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:26,120 My wife got me in the gym, she got me on diets 1646 01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:28,460 I don't wanna be on, fuck that, I wanna piece of sugar 1647 01:01:28,460 --> 01:01:30,190 so bad, I don't know what to do right now. 1648 01:01:30,190 --> 01:01:31,067 (audience laughing) 1649 01:01:31,067 --> 01:01:33,090 Every time she cook, no sugar, no salt, no seasoning, 1650 01:01:33,090 --> 01:01:35,050 everything bad for you, every time I eat, 1651 01:01:35,050 --> 01:01:36,527 taste like I'm eating clothes. 1652 01:01:36,527 --> 01:01:38,587 (audience laughing) 1653 01:01:38,587 --> 01:01:41,047 One morning she said, "How you like the eggs, Tony?" 1654 01:01:41,047 --> 01:01:43,210 "In a cake, goddamn it, please." 1655 01:01:43,210 --> 01:01:44,360 (audience laughing) 1656 01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:47,340 Fuck, I fuck anybody in this room 1657 01:01:47,340 --> 01:01:49,141 for a honey bun, I swear to God. 1658 01:01:49,141 --> 01:01:52,608 (audience laughing) 1659 01:01:52,608 --> 01:01:54,780 She got me in the goddamn gym, I'm trying to lose weight. 1660 01:01:54,780 --> 01:01:57,228 Some of y'all, I see some of y'all lookin' away. 1661 01:01:57,228 --> 01:01:58,278 Don't look away. 1662 01:01:58,278 --> 01:01:59,111 (audience laughing) 1663 01:01:59,111 --> 01:02:00,220 Believe it. 1664 01:02:00,220 --> 01:02:01,590 This when it's time to go to the gym. 1665 01:02:01,590 --> 01:02:02,940 When you see a pencil in your house, 1666 01:02:02,940 --> 01:02:05,301 you pick it up and look up and there's dots in the air. 1667 01:02:05,301 --> 01:02:07,370 (audience laughing) 1668 01:02:07,370 --> 01:02:09,930 And your dumb ass doin' this, look at these. 1669 01:02:09,930 --> 01:02:11,690 Look they over here too. 1670 01:02:11,690 --> 01:02:13,650 Your brain died, goddamn it! 1671 01:02:13,650 --> 01:02:14,780 (audience laughing) 1672 01:02:14,780 --> 01:02:17,677 Let me tell you the symptoms of a stroke, a stroke. 1673 01:02:17,677 --> 01:02:19,160 (audience laughing) 1674 01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:21,060 You better get your dumb ass in the gym. 1675 01:02:21,060 --> 01:02:22,960 I know it's hard, I know it's hard. 1676 01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,350 'Cause every time you go on a diet, shit go on sale. 1677 01:02:25,350 --> 01:02:27,960 Four Whoppers, four dollars, what? 1678 01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,850 I need that, fuck a diet. 1679 01:02:29,850 --> 01:02:32,800 You call your boy, come get me, two for you, two for me. 1680 01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,368 Look at God, look how he work, won't he do it? 1681 01:02:35,368 --> 01:02:37,570 (audience laughing) 1682 01:02:37,570 --> 01:02:39,940 Get your ass in the gym, you ever run on a treadmill 1683 01:02:39,940 --> 01:02:43,124 and accidentally hit the stop button and walk into Popeyes? 1684 01:02:43,124 --> 01:02:45,430 (audience laughing) 1685 01:02:45,430 --> 01:02:46,263 You don't know how you got there 1686 01:02:46,263 --> 01:02:48,251 but you gonna order something, fuck that shit. 1687 01:02:48,251 --> 01:02:49,340 (audience laughing) 1688 01:02:49,340 --> 01:02:51,920 I burned 2,000 calories last week, I left 1689 01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,198 a whole tray of cookies in the oven too long. 1690 01:02:54,198 --> 01:02:57,198 (audience laughing) 1691 01:02:58,470 --> 01:03:00,081 Oh God. 1692 01:03:00,081 --> 01:03:00,914 (audience laughing) 1693 01:03:00,914 --> 01:03:02,060 This what happened to me at the gym. 1694 01:03:02,060 --> 01:03:04,436 Let me tell you how young niggas fuck with you. 1695 01:03:04,436 --> 01:03:05,360 (audience laughing) 1696 01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,048 These niggas know me, they know who I am, 1697 01:03:07,048 --> 01:03:08,917 they don't give a fuck, they said, "What's up, old man, 1698 01:03:08,917 --> 01:03:10,520 "you wanna work out with us, can you hang?" 1699 01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:12,437 I said, "Who you calling old, punk? 1700 01:03:12,437 --> 01:03:15,060 "Bring it," when you say, bring it, look at it first, 1701 01:03:15,060 --> 01:03:17,330 don't do what I did, don't just jump in there. 1702 01:03:17,330 --> 01:03:18,670 They had this big ass medicine ball, 1703 01:03:18,670 --> 01:03:19,970 we throwin' that motherfucker, nigga. 1704 01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:21,700 I knew I should've stopped when I threw the ball 1705 01:03:21,700 --> 01:03:25,130 and snot came out my nose, I said, "What the fuck?" 1706 01:03:25,130 --> 01:03:26,640 Nigga, I threw that ball again, I'm seeing 1707 01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,154 stars follow the ball. 1708 01:03:28,154 --> 01:03:28,987 (audience laughing) 1709 01:03:28,987 --> 01:03:31,146 My Fitbit called a ambulance for me, nigga. 1710 01:03:31,146 --> 01:03:33,222 (audience laughing) 1711 01:03:33,222 --> 01:03:35,210 Just come with us, sir, you're having a heart attack. 1712 01:03:35,210 --> 01:03:36,774 I said, get the fuck away from me, you're embarrassing me. 1713 01:03:36,774 --> 01:03:39,110 I ain't having no goddamn heart attack, bye. 1714 01:03:39,110 --> 01:03:41,180 I whisper to the paramedics, go around the corner, 1715 01:03:41,180 --> 01:03:42,459 don't do it here. 1716 01:03:42,459 --> 01:03:43,860 (audience laughing) 1717 01:03:43,860 --> 01:03:45,133 I'll be around there in five minutes 1718 01:03:45,133 --> 01:03:47,580 'cause I can't feel shit on my right side at all. 1719 01:03:47,580 --> 01:03:49,584 These young niggas trying to kill me. 1720 01:03:49,584 --> 01:03:52,365 (audience laughing) 1721 01:03:52,365 --> 01:03:54,015 You better get your shit runnin'. 1722 01:03:55,190 --> 01:03:57,680 I see some young women in here with some older dudes. 1723 01:03:57,680 --> 01:04:00,170 I got a younger wife, look at you niggas in here. 1724 01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:03,520 Old school, when a woman healthy and they healthier than us, 1725 01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:05,940 'cause they have meetings at Panera Bread, 1726 01:04:05,940 --> 01:04:07,740 they drink a lot of water, 1727 01:04:07,740 --> 01:04:09,960 they get they rest, when they want it in the bedroom, 1728 01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,280 they want a hour, old school, you know who I'm talkin' to. 1729 01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,780 Do you have an hour in the bed? 1730 01:04:13,780 --> 01:04:15,960 Fuck no, you ain't got no hour in the bed. 1731 01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:19,011 You want a hour from me, 56 minutes gonna be conversation. 1732 01:04:19,011 --> 01:04:21,110 (audience laughing) 1733 01:04:21,110 --> 01:04:23,170 I wanna talk about the issues. 1734 01:04:23,170 --> 01:04:26,202 If you don't wanna talk about that, you a whore. 1735 01:04:26,202 --> 01:04:28,450 (audience laughing) 1736 01:04:28,450 --> 01:04:29,880 You ain't gonna fuck me up. 1737 01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:32,520 Let me tell you some old school, you better get it in. 1738 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:33,500 You ever been over your girl like this 1739 01:04:33,500 --> 01:04:34,968 and your arms get to shakin'? 1740 01:04:34,968 --> 01:04:36,330 (audience laughing) 1741 01:04:36,330 --> 01:04:38,651 Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me! 1742 01:04:38,651 --> 01:04:41,651 (audience laughing) 1743 01:04:42,909 --> 01:04:45,094 'Cause you ain't did a push up since '05, nigga. 1744 01:04:45,094 --> 01:04:46,060 (audience laughing) 1745 01:04:46,060 --> 01:04:48,088 You better get in there and get your work out on. 1746 01:04:48,088 --> 01:04:50,940 (audience laughing) 1747 01:04:50,940 --> 01:04:52,420 Don't let these young, I'm telling you, these young men 1748 01:04:52,420 --> 01:04:54,400 and the younger they are, the stronger they are. 1749 01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:58,450 Uh uh, fuck that, get your shit on, I'm telling you. 1750 01:04:58,450 --> 01:05:00,540 When you come home, fellas, you know how we get down. 1751 01:05:00,540 --> 01:05:02,550 Ladies, let me tell you something 'bout, 1752 01:05:02,550 --> 01:05:05,450 your man with you right now, he want it all the time. 1753 01:05:05,450 --> 01:05:08,990 Every goddamn day, every day, don't even, 1754 01:05:08,990 --> 01:05:11,740 you want a happy man, every day, please 1755 01:05:11,740 --> 01:05:14,090 and fellas, you know how we get down. 1756 01:05:14,090 --> 01:05:16,711 Every time you making love to your woman, you hear this. 1757 01:05:16,711 --> 01:05:19,170 (moaning) 1758 01:05:19,170 --> 01:05:20,280 That's because she love you 1759 01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:21,963 and wanna make you feel like a king. 1760 01:05:21,963 --> 01:05:23,640 (audience laughing) 1761 01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,870 Don't never think you murderin' the shit. 1762 01:05:25,870 --> 01:05:26,860 (audience laughing) 1763 01:05:26,860 --> 01:05:28,600 I seen a baby come outta there, who are you 1764 01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:30,289 to fill that back up, technically? 1765 01:05:30,289 --> 01:05:31,980 (audience laughing) 1766 01:05:31,980 --> 01:05:34,100 Let me tell you something, but sometimes you gotta talk 1767 01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:36,490 to your woman because she forget your ego in the room. 1768 01:05:36,490 --> 01:05:38,820 Fellas, they do it sometime, you ever hit it from the back, 1769 01:05:38,820 --> 01:05:41,297 fellas, that's how we get down, ladies, next time 1770 01:05:41,297 --> 01:05:42,740 you're gettin' it from the back, do me a favor, 1771 01:05:42,740 --> 01:05:45,127 look behind you, it's gonna scare the fuck out you. 1772 01:05:45,127 --> 01:05:45,960 (audience laughing) 1773 01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:46,980 This ain't the motherfucker you know. 1774 01:05:46,980 --> 01:05:47,853 (audience laughing) 1775 01:05:47,853 --> 01:05:49,770 When we in front of you, try to look sexy in front of you. 1776 01:05:49,770 --> 01:05:51,280 When you ain't lookin', we ugly as fuck, 1777 01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:52,659 we don't give a fuck. 1778 01:05:52,659 --> 01:05:55,387 (yelling) 1779 01:05:55,387 --> 01:05:56,587 I'll kill a motherfucker! 1780 01:05:56,587 --> 01:06:00,297 (audience laughing) 1781 01:06:00,297 --> 01:06:01,660 We a different motherfucker. 1782 01:06:01,660 --> 01:06:02,540 And a woman, when you be hittin' it, a woman 1783 01:06:02,540 --> 01:06:04,500 will talk to you in a regular voice, yeah the kids 1784 01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:06,496 got a recital tomorrow at four o'clock. 1785 01:06:06,496 --> 01:06:07,329 (audience laughing) 1786 01:06:07,329 --> 01:06:09,190 You don't feel that shit, bitch? 1787 01:06:09,190 --> 01:06:10,920 You talkin' regular? 1788 01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:13,920 (audience laughing) 1789 01:06:19,210 --> 01:06:20,410 I get it in. 1790 01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:23,620 I do all kinda weird positions with my wife. 1791 01:06:23,620 --> 01:06:24,890 You know you gettin' old when your woman, 1792 01:06:24,890 --> 01:06:27,600 you makin' love to her, she do shit like this to you. 1793 01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:28,990 You doin' all right? 1794 01:06:28,990 --> 01:06:30,500 (audience laughing) 1795 01:06:30,500 --> 01:06:32,369 I'm doin' all right, bitch, how about you? 1796 01:06:32,369 --> 01:06:33,250 (audience laughing) 1797 01:06:33,250 --> 01:06:35,660 I'm on mine, so what, my eyes waterin', 1798 01:06:35,660 --> 01:06:37,317 my nose runnin', that's common. 1799 01:06:37,317 --> 01:06:38,771 (audience laughing) 1800 01:06:38,771 --> 01:06:40,050 I know what I'm doin'. 1801 01:06:40,050 --> 01:06:42,837 (audience laughing) 1802 01:06:42,837 --> 01:06:45,370 Me and my wife keep up the sex life, we different people, 1803 01:06:45,370 --> 01:06:47,730 me and my wife, my wife got, she conservative, 1804 01:06:47,730 --> 01:06:50,400 I'm freaky, I don't give a fuck if you know it or not. 1805 01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:53,700 I got some family, who freaky as fuck, freaky? 1806 01:06:53,700 --> 01:06:54,533 (audience cheering and clapping) 1807 01:06:54,533 --> 01:06:56,210 Who conservative? 1808 01:06:56,210 --> 01:06:58,360 Yeah, that's my wife, conservative as shit. 1809 01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:01,510 Not me, she got a ho in her 1810 01:07:01,510 --> 01:07:03,100 that she won't let out and play. 1811 01:07:03,100 --> 01:07:04,500 (audience laughing) 1812 01:07:04,500 --> 01:07:06,563 I know she in there, I can't wait to meet the bitch. 1813 01:07:06,563 --> 01:07:07,610 (audience laughing) 1814 01:07:07,610 --> 01:07:09,680 I can't wait, I'm a fuck the shit outta her. 1815 01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,030 (audience laughing) 1816 01:07:11,030 --> 01:07:13,990 We keep our spice life goin', you ever do role play? 1817 01:07:13,990 --> 01:07:16,060 That's what me and my wife do but it's different. 1818 01:07:16,060 --> 01:07:19,230 It's uneven, nigga, I'm for real with mine. 1819 01:07:19,230 --> 01:07:22,040 I take my shirt off, put the mask on, everything, 1820 01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:23,610 nigga, I come in through my window and all that shit. 1821 01:07:23,610 --> 01:07:25,610 Yeah, I'm 'bout to take this ass, bitch. 1822 01:07:25,610 --> 01:07:26,560 (audience laughing) 1823 01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:28,499 I play the burglar, she play tired. 1824 01:07:28,499 --> 01:07:31,220 (audience laughing) 1825 01:07:31,220 --> 01:07:32,280 I said, "'Bout to take this ass." 1826 01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:33,838 She go, "Do what you gotta do." 1827 01:07:33,838 --> 01:07:35,043 (audience laughing) 1828 01:07:35,043 --> 01:07:37,930 Stop being her, nigga, you making me sleepy, fuck. 1829 01:07:37,930 --> 01:07:39,720 (audience laughing) 1830 01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:42,320 Fellas, you ever had your woman go to bed first? 1831 01:07:42,320 --> 01:07:44,630 She don't wanna have sex so she get to bed real fast 1832 01:07:44,630 --> 01:07:46,036 and do this shit. 1833 01:07:46,036 --> 01:07:47,960 (audience laughing) 1834 01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:48,937 First of all, you ain't gotta be all 1835 01:07:48,937 --> 01:07:51,157 the way woke for me, nigga. 1836 01:07:51,157 --> 01:07:52,050 (audience laughing) 1837 01:07:52,050 --> 01:07:54,161 Just be breathing, I'll do the rest. 1838 01:07:54,161 --> 01:07:54,994 (audience laughing) 1839 01:07:54,994 --> 01:07:56,270 Fuck that shit. 1840 01:07:56,270 --> 01:07:57,199 (audience laughing) 1841 01:07:57,199 --> 01:07:59,248 You can do that shit if you want to. 1842 01:07:59,248 --> 01:08:00,460 My wife try to play that shit on me. 1843 01:08:00,460 --> 01:08:01,810 She was doin' this shit. 1844 01:08:01,810 --> 01:08:03,260 I said, I'm gonna get on top, I'll fuck her anyway. 1845 01:08:03,260 --> 01:08:04,800 I get on top, she do this. 1846 01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:05,980 I go around here, she do this. 1847 01:08:05,980 --> 01:08:07,180 I said, "Bitch, you woke." 1848 01:08:07,180 --> 01:08:09,730 (audience laughing) 1849 01:08:09,730 --> 01:08:10,923 That's woke shit. 1850 01:08:10,923 --> 01:08:13,923 (audience laughing) 1851 01:08:15,170 --> 01:08:17,200 I said, I'm a get her mouth open, get some head, 1852 01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:20,050 fuck it, nigga, I can't get her mouth open for shit. 1853 01:08:20,050 --> 01:08:22,630 I said, "I know you woke now, don't nobody sleep like this." 1854 01:08:22,630 --> 01:08:24,450 (audience laughing) 1855 01:08:24,450 --> 01:08:25,460 What in the fuck, you a crocodile? 1856 01:08:25,460 --> 01:08:26,900 Who in the fuck sleeps like this? 1857 01:08:26,900 --> 01:08:28,700 (audience laughing) 1858 01:08:28,700 --> 01:08:29,750 Fellas, what they do? 1859 01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:32,748 They give you the side booty, you ever get this, go ahead. 1860 01:08:32,748 --> 01:08:35,146 (audience laughing) 1861 01:08:35,146 --> 01:08:37,580 We got pride, but we can't stop lookin' at it. 1862 01:08:37,580 --> 01:08:39,956 Yeah, whatever, we don't need that shit. 1863 01:08:39,956 --> 01:08:43,420 (audience laughing) 1864 01:08:43,420 --> 01:08:45,138 This the last time. 1865 01:08:45,138 --> 01:08:46,850 (audience laughing) 1866 01:08:46,850 --> 01:08:48,870 And she lookin' like a homicide victim in that bed. 1867 01:08:48,870 --> 01:08:51,870 (audience laughing) 1868 01:08:57,739 --> 01:09:00,020 Went to church, my aunt's church, pastor this tall, 1869 01:09:00,020 --> 01:09:01,466 nigga wanna baptize me. 1870 01:09:01,466 --> 01:09:03,880 (audience laughing) 1871 01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:05,460 We in the tub together, we in the pool, 1872 01:09:05,460 --> 01:09:06,293 I'm like, nigga, can you hold me? 1873 01:09:06,293 --> 01:09:07,980 This some bullshit. 1874 01:09:07,980 --> 01:09:08,813 (audience laughing) 1875 01:09:08,813 --> 01:09:09,940 He start dippin' me and losing me, 1876 01:09:09,940 --> 01:09:11,190 I took that niggas with me. 1877 01:09:11,190 --> 01:09:12,750 (audience laughing) 1878 01:09:12,750 --> 01:09:13,583 I'm trying to get up, I said, 1879 01:09:13,583 --> 01:09:15,177 "Let me up, nigga, let me alone!" 1880 01:09:15,177 --> 01:09:16,010 (audience laughing) 1881 01:09:16,010 --> 01:09:17,060 He jumped up, "What the fuck wrong with you?" 1882 01:09:17,060 --> 01:09:18,647 I said, "What? 1883 01:09:18,647 --> 01:09:20,079 "I rebuke you." 1884 01:09:20,079 --> 01:09:22,370 (audience laughing) 1885 01:09:22,370 --> 01:09:23,760 Got some people goin' to church tomorrow. 1886 01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:24,880 Who go to church everyday? 1887 01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:26,359 That's a goddamn shame. 1888 01:09:26,359 --> 01:09:27,192 (audience laughing) 1889 01:09:27,192 --> 01:09:29,390 That's my grandmama, she go every goddamn day. 1890 01:09:29,390 --> 01:09:30,223 (audience laughing) 1891 01:09:30,223 --> 01:09:32,100 Church be locked sometime, I don't know how she get in. 1892 01:09:32,100 --> 01:09:33,520 She's been arrested three times. 1893 01:09:33,520 --> 01:09:35,367 (audience laughing) 1894 01:09:35,367 --> 01:09:36,860 You know you go to church too much, you got biblical 1895 01:09:36,860 --> 01:09:39,320 pictures in your house and you got Jesus in the picture 1896 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:41,080 and you next to Jesus, you had somebody 1897 01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:42,640 paint you in the picture. 1898 01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:44,380 She on the picture of the Last Supper like this, 1899 01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:45,750 on the end with everybody else. 1900 01:09:45,750 --> 01:09:46,800 (audience laughing) 1901 01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:48,967 She got cornbread and macaroni and cheese. 1902 01:09:48,967 --> 01:09:51,967 (audience laughing) 1903 01:09:53,100 --> 01:09:55,030 Y'all look out for my new album coming out. 1904 01:09:55,030 --> 01:09:56,750 It's out right now in all digital platforms. 1905 01:09:56,750 --> 01:09:58,499 It's called, "You Need Your Ass Beat." 1906 01:09:58,499 --> 01:10:00,314 (audience laughing) 1907 01:10:00,314 --> 01:10:01,460 You need your ass beat. 1908 01:10:01,460 --> 01:10:04,379 If you a thug and you ticklish, you need your ass beat. 1909 01:10:04,379 --> 01:10:06,660 (audience laughing) 1910 01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:08,790 You bought a pregnancy test from the dollar store, 1911 01:10:08,790 --> 01:10:10,363 you need your ass beat. 1912 01:10:10,363 --> 01:10:11,869 (audience laughing) 1913 01:10:11,869 --> 01:10:14,776 If you a pimp with a roommate, you need your ass beat. 1914 01:10:14,776 --> 01:10:16,820 (audience laughing) 1915 01:10:16,820 --> 01:10:17,937 I love y'all, I'm Tony Roberts. 1916 01:10:17,937 --> 01:10:18,920 (upbeat music) 1917 01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:23,003 (audience cheering and clapping) 1918 01:10:56,194 --> 01:10:58,653 ♪ I'm out of this world not your run of the mill'n ♪ 1919 01:10:58,653 --> 01:11:00,877 ♪ My name is Furl I'm the owner of the building ♪ 1920 01:11:00,877 --> 01:11:03,314 ♪ I'm a stoner and I'm chillin' with two bitches like Jack ♪ 1921 01:11:03,314 --> 01:11:05,575 ♪ I pimps and I mack drive a Benz and a 'lac ♪ 1922 01:11:05,575 --> 01:11:08,194 ♪ Man I've been in the back wit the groupies and the stars ♪ 1923 01:11:08,194 --> 01:11:10,514 ♪ I've been out front with the thugs and the guards ♪ 1924 01:11:10,514 --> 01:11:12,957 ♪ I've been in the yard with the Mexican mafia ♪ 1925 01:11:12,957 --> 01:11:15,255 ♪ And I only run with niggas that'll kill and die for ya ♪ 1926 01:11:15,255 --> 01:11:17,655 ♪ I'm popular I'm a rap star ♪ 1927 01:11:17,655 --> 01:11:20,354 ♪ But I live like a rock star running from the cop cars ♪ 1928 01:11:20,354 --> 01:11:22,834 ♪ I drop bars wit slaps that knock hard ♪ 1929 01:11:22,834 --> 01:11:24,877 ♪ And I charge for this dick extra large ♪ 1930 01:11:24,877 --> 01:11:27,407 ♪ I'm sicker than SARS higher than Mars and I treat ♪