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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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‎NETFLIX 原創喜劇特輯

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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‎舊金山，很榮幸

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‎向各位介紹

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‎本世代的代言人

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‎我的好兄弟

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‎無與倫比的

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‎喬治洛佩茲！

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‎各位王八好

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‎我說，各位王八好

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‎聽不懂的人

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‎一樣的意思

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‎先自我介紹一下

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‎我叫喬治洛佩茲

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‎身上有顆腎臟不是我的

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‎我家有痴呆症的病史

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‎所以我不是來瞎扯的，舊金山！

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‎目前有個狗屁狀況

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‎那是我的政治態度，“狗屁狀況”

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‎我要告訴大家這個狗屁狀況

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‎為美國服務過的拉丁裔退伍軍人

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‎遭驅逐出境，不能有這種事情

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‎鬼扯蛋

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‎願意為國家犧牲性命的人

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‎應該能住在這裡，聽到沒？

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‎聽到了沒？

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‎如果你照顧別人的孩子

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‎花在別人孩子身上的時間
‎比自己的孩子多

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‎他們應該讓你住在這個國家

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‎想聊聊成為公民的途徑嗎？已經有了

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‎就叫陰道

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‎在這裡出生，就給我待在這裡

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‎陰道…

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‎成為公民的途徑…剖腹產呢？

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‎或是自然產

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‎我們不是那些人

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‎我們很努力，別妖魔化我們

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‎移民及海關執法局

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‎跟國土安全部那些狗屁

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‎如果他們要搞這套，把人驅逐…

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‎別這樣

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‎我是站在你這邊的，別激動

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‎別罵我，劇本我寫的
‎我知道後面是什麼

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‎別去工作、上學、上班

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‎好嗎？讓這些家人決定
‎讓拉丁人決定

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‎誰要被驅逐出境

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‎因為我們都有喜歡的親人

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‎有些人你會跟他們說：“嘿”

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‎半夜四點，“嬸嬸，醒醒

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‎他們要抓妳”

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‎-“誰？什麼？”
‎-“墨西哥”

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‎-“墨西哥要抓我？”
‎-“對，快點”

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‎“叔叔也是，走吧，他們要抓你

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‎-薩爾瓦多”
‎-“薩爾瓦多？”

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‎“薩爾瓦多，快點，走吧”

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‎“嬸嬸，不用穿胸罩，就這樣去”

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‎蓬頭垢面，還有眼屎

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‎警察很精明，拉丁人要學聰明點

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‎以前我們能假裝不會講英語
‎現在有移民及海關執法局

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‎警察把你攔下，不會看駕照或行照

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‎他們直接問
‎“你會講英語嗎？”，你就…

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‎小聲地說：“死定了”

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‎“我會

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‎我能留下來？太好了

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‎天啊！我是說…”

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‎他們以前常這樣

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‎以前你能假裝不會講英語

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‎警察把你攔下

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‎-“請下車”
‎-“我聽不懂”

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‎“媽的，走吧

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‎我聽不懂他們在講什麼”

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‎以前假裝不會講英語，就逃過一劫

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‎現在他們會用警棍打你

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‎我不講英語…

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‎-“下車”
‎-“我聽不懂

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‎你要我下車呀？

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‎我的天啊！

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‎他媽的，我懂了”

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‎要他在我臉上留下一道…

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‎從別的國家來的人很棒

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‎不是我們，我們都習慣在這裡了
‎從別國來的

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‎有個人在我二樓屋頂做事

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‎他往後摔倒

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‎從屋頂掉下來，仰面著地

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‎我出去看，他竟然向我道歉

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‎因為他從我家屋頂掉下來
‎我說：“你沒事吧？”

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‎他說：“對不起”

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‎“什麼？你從屋頂摔下”

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‎他說：“別炒我魷魚”
‎我說：“搞什麼？”

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‎他還說了很扯的話

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‎“摔下來那幾秒，我會加班補給你”

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‎什麼鬼？

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‎我說：“哪裡能再弄十個來？”

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‎他說：“按喇叭”

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‎人家說，羅馬不是一天造成的

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‎羅馬不是一天造成的

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‎身為墨西哥裔，我覺得他們請錯人了

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‎你不需要許可證？

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‎你不用許可證，幹，早上9點半來

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‎“競技場蓋好了，還要幹嘛？”

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‎其他人可以坐下

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‎說要築牆的那些狗屁…

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‎他們可能在等許可證吧

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‎我跟其他五個人
‎一下子就能把牆蓋好

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‎三兩下就搞定

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‎我們不會蓋太重

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‎壓垮下面的隧道

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‎快通過！

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‎你要知道…

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‎你跟路邊攤販和乞丐打交道…

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‎乞丐在街上喊：“給點零錢吧”

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‎總有人替他們說話
‎“他可能有精神病？”

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‎“是嗎？四公斤的水果賣五美元

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‎這不是瘋了？”

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‎-就算你問多少錢
‎-“五元”

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‎“你瘋了嗎？”

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‎這傢伙瘋了

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‎拉丁人都很有幽默感

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‎因為我們家裡的人

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‎有時比日常生活碰到的人還好笑

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‎我有個叔叔，我叔叔很瘋狂

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‎有個女人開車撞他後逃跑

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‎那個女人跑掉了，他們報警

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‎警察叫我叔叔形容她

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‎我叔叔說…

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‎“對，我願意幹她

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‎她很辣，喬治，對吧？很辣

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‎對，寫下來

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‎那個婊子超辣的

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‎打個星號，這樣他們才知道”

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‎每件事都是笑話，醫生問他

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‎“你得過性病嗎？”，他說…

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‎“你說呢？

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‎醫生，聽到了沒？你說呢？

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‎記得我下面出過疹子

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‎不要寫下來”

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‎他們不想聽醫生的話，他們告訴他

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‎“你的肝臟腫大，肝硬化了

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‎腳生了壞疽”

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‎醫生說：“你如果喝酒會死掉”
‎我叔叔對醫生這樣

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‎“去他的，我們走

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‎他看過我一次
‎就以為很了解我，去他的

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‎要是我喝酒呢？
‎他不會在場，不會知道

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‎別講廢話浪費我的時間”

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‎完全不一樣
‎我們沒有要追求長生不死

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‎我們不想看醫生

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‎不想知道自己是否病了，我們知道

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‎好嗎？我知道這是什麼聲音

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‎在大半夜

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‎週一早上鞋子穿不下
‎你知道怎麼回事

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‎你可能有高血壓

153
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‎吃太多鹽，我們在食物上加鹽

154
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‎我們都還沒嚐過，食物一端來…

155
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‎我們儘管吃

156
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‎不想知道健不健康

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‎前列腺癌…

158
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‎男生都不想聽了

159
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,917
‎前列腺癌是拉丁男性的頭號殺手

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‎因為他們只能這樣檢查…

161
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‎從後面來

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‎你爸爸或叔叔說：“門都沒有

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‎我寧死也不要人碰我屁股”

164
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‎清醒嗎？沒有

165
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‎不清醒

166
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‎等我回家換衣服前，睡覺前
‎也許是清醒的

167
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‎他們還是飲酒作樂

168
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,618
‎他晚上要上十次廁所

169
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,829
‎大概十年後，我嬸嬸說
‎“你要去看醫生”

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‎十年後

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‎醫生看完後說：“你有前列腺癌”

172
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‎他看著老婆說：“聽到他講的了嗎？

173
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‎聽到了？我聽到了
‎告訴她，因為我聽到了

174
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‎我有前列腺癌，混蛋

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‎妳叫我來看醫生
‎現在我得了前列腺癌

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‎搞什麼？昨天沒有，今天就有了

177
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‎我有了，我都感覺不到…”

178
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‎觸碰…

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‎我們不想長生不死

180
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:56,197
‎我們吃的東西不一定對身體有益

181
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‎我們知道…

182
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‎你去墨西哥餐廳，你早就知道

183
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,288
‎我們料理的方式…
‎靠，看看我們的身材

184
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,126
‎我們擊敗了肥胖症
‎我們三年級就說過再見

185
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,339
‎“肥胖症再見，幹，我超越你了”

186
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,760
‎拉丁人都很肥

187
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,806
‎你想讓他們好過一點
‎你說：“老兄，你…

188
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,975
‎你本來是雙胞胎的，所以才會…

189
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,979
‎沒聽到聲音說你已經飽了？

190
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,152
‎可能是你姊姊，但你要聽聽看”

191
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,656
‎11歲時，胸部就比家人都大

192
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‎“喂，大奶，出來”

193
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,871
‎綽號就是這樣來的
‎拉屎在褲子上一次

194
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‎這輩子都要被叫大便

195
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,837
‎長大後也一樣，“猜猜誰要結婚了”

196
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‎“誰？”

197
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:55,631
‎-“大便”
‎-“幹！

198
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,634
‎大便要結婚了？”

199
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‎-“他老婆懷孕了”
‎-“混蛋”

200
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,682
‎“會有個小大便到處跑”

201
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‎“大便要結婚了？靠

202
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,648
‎他媽的大便，好樣的”

203
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,192
‎我們都知道

204
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,821
‎爸媽都很愛批評我們的身材

205
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,698
‎他們才不管你幾歲

206
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,244
‎他們上班前會說：“那兩個死胖子

207
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,706
‎我回來時，你們最好別坐在沙發

208
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:31,876
‎胖子一號、二號，聽到沒？”
‎我們會說：“好”

209
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:32,960
‎“那就好

210
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,588
‎快點去洗澡

211
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,300
‎去看鞋子穿不穿得下
‎已經過兩天了”

212
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,639
‎我奶奶把我養大，她活到89歲

213
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:47,933
‎她得了痴呆症，媽的，混蛋

214
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,436
‎拉丁老人就是這麼糟糕

215
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:54,356
‎醫生說：“妳有老年痴呆症”
‎她站起來說：“我能走了嗎？”

216
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,943
‎我說：“妳聽到他說的了嗎？”

217
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,404
‎她說：“媽的
‎是你有痴呆症還是我？

218
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,039
‎我叫你載我，沒叫你發表意見”

219
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,668
‎我問：“再來會怎樣？”，醫生說

220
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:18,547
‎“妳會開始忘記一些地方、一些人”

221
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,383
‎我奶奶說：“等等，你不認識我…

222
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,554
‎也不知道我的生活，你們兩個都是”

223
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:30,518
‎她看著我們說：“我超想把人忘掉”

224
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,440
‎她看著我說：“賴瑞，我們快走！”

225
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,281
‎如果你要的是同情心，你絕對不會…

226
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,992
‎在拉丁社群看到

227
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,829
‎你可能哭得很慘

228
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,623
‎他們會說：“怎麼了？”，“幹！醫生…

229
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,335
‎醫生說我得了癌症”
‎他們會說：“哇！

230
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,045
‎搞什麼鬼？

231
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,005
‎幹，我以為你要說我得了癌症

232
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:06,303
‎別哭了，看著我，你讓我整個…幹！

233
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,515
‎還能活多久？”

234
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,933
‎“三個月”

235
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,228
‎“所以情人節你不會在？

236
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:19,149
‎幹，那天是我生日，你不會在這裡？

237
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,651
‎為什麼？是你不想

238
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,153
‎還是醫生說你不會在這裡？

239
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,781
‎忍著點，去他的”

240
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,160
‎文化不同

241
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:36,083
‎白人男性的目標是牽著女兒走紅毯

242
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:37,918
‎“我想參加…

243
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,380
‎凱爾西的婚禮”

244
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,844
‎拉丁男人只想活得
‎比那些討厭他們的人久

245
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,097
‎他媽的

246
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:51,682
‎忍著點，混蛋

247
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,853
‎我奶奶發現我在列一個清單
‎上面是我想殺的人

248
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,774
‎她說：“搞什麼？
‎讓我看，笨蛋，這是什麼？

249
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,902
‎上面是你想殺的人？

250
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,405
‎笨蛋，前兩個早就死了，這兩個

251
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,618
‎最後兩個在我清單上，我來幫忙”

252
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:16,957
‎這是不同的…

253
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,084
‎不同的氛圍

254
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:20,920
‎你要知道

255
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:25,341
‎我們不想長生不死，只想活在當下

256
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:27,968
‎我們很單純，我叔叔很容易生氣

257
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,387
‎你可以假設一個情況

258
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,097
‎“叔叔，誰會贏…

259
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,641
‎如果是…

260
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,184
‎安娜貝爾

261
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:37,937
‎對上哭泣女？”

262
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:41,649
‎“你覺得呢？

263
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,777
‎幹，哭泣女會把安娜貝爾

264
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,487
‎揍得體無完膚

265
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,030
‎那只是個洋娃娃

266
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,283
‎她把自己的孩子淹死

267
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,619
‎難道搞不死洋娃娃嗎？”

268
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,830
‎媽的，換個對手

269
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,459
‎因為我會救…

270
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,169
‎我會救狗

271
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,801
‎我沒說我愛狗，我說我會救狗

272
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,012
‎不一樣，他媽的死小狗

273
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,683
‎狗只是做平常會做的事
‎就會惹腦拉丁人，狗在叫…

274
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,267
‎“嘿，給我閉嘴”

275
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,106
‎他們有大麻二酚餅乾

276
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,442
‎給狗吃的，大麻二酚…

277
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:30,739
‎餅乾，給狗吃的
‎我大概六個月前給我的狗吃過

278
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,450
‎安靜到不行

279
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,203
‎牠們在家裡這樣

280
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,136
‎因為狗懂得尊重

281
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,347
‎狗愛你，不在乎你的長相

282
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,475
‎你可能很醜，或者…狗最好了

283
00:16:58,934 --> 00:16:59,893
‎狗最棒了

284
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,190
‎因為情感支持動物對我們不好

285
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,108
‎那對…

286
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,861
‎那對我們的文化不好

287
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,530
‎我叔叔帶著一隻山羊到處走
‎我以為是…

288
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,324
‎情感支持動物

289
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,869
‎他放在腋下

290
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,248
‎後來沒有了，我問：“山羊呢？”

291
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,000
‎“幹，超好吃的

292
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,589
‎牠在情感上支持我，我們都覺得…

293
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,551
‎非常愛牠，就在我們吃完之後”

294
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,056
‎我們就是這樣

295
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,100
‎你會變老，你要確定

296
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,436
‎你知道自己身體的狀況

297
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,646
‎男人變老的時候

298
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,275
‎年輕的時候
‎身體很緊實，不會發出聲音

299
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,694
‎屁股…很緊

300
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:51,987
‎18歲

301
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:53,822
‎很棒

302
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,408
‎年紀漸長，你在走路

303
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,495
‎“幫我打開這個”
‎在夏天要開一瓶醃黃瓜

304
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:02,915
‎你在轉…

305
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,424
‎他們進到廚房，“什麼？

306
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:16,011
‎誰買的醃黃瓜？聞起來像大便

307
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,639
‎拿去退

308
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,934
‎說這聞起來像大便，拿去退”

309
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,771
‎你想保持年輕，但沒辦法

310
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,189
‎走路會放屁

311
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,652
‎去上廁所

312
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,071
‎以為尿完了，其實還有

313
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,449
‎好像拿老二在學開手排車

314
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,621
‎所以年輕時要快樂，每一天

315
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,125
‎都要過得很棒、很充實

316
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:48,502
‎活出自我！

317
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:54,299
‎別等到生病才想好好活
‎健康時就要好好過日子

318
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,843
‎那才是真正的過活

319
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,803
‎不必擔心任何人

320
00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,264
‎真正做自己，懂嗎？

321
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,599
‎變老之後，孩子長大

322
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,018
‎他們愛你，不會再吵鬧

323
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,312
‎你不會喝到不省人事

324
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,066
‎每一個節日

325
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,402
‎都有人喝到不省人事

326
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,990
‎隔天醒來
‎有人眼睛被打青，你問說

327
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,325
‎-“你怎麼了？”
‎-“搞什麼鬼？

328
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,620
‎-他媽的混帳”

329
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,708
‎“可能就是這樣，態度太差，你不能…

330
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,795
‎那樣講話，人家會揍你”

331
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:36,300
‎但那就是我們，我們就是…

332
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,427
‎這樣過日子

333
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,430
‎現在的孩子不懂，他們…

334
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,308
‎他們喜歡…

335
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,060
‎萬聖節不能戴面具

336
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,897
‎可能會嚇到其他孩子

337
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,483
‎如果你的小孩笨成那樣

338
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,444
‎不知道坐在他旁邊的

339
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:58,947
‎並不是真的狼人

340
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,451
‎不必讓他上學了

341
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:06,830
‎省下錢，讓他們在家自學

342
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:11,084
‎弄個儲藏室
‎他可以看著你的東西，他能顧著

343
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:17,633
‎萬聖節是最後一個假日我們…聽我說

344
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:22,596
‎我們拉丁人萬聖節會挨家挨戶去拜訪
‎到50幾歲才結束

345
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,182
‎我們不是要糖果

346
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:27,059
‎只是想看看你們家

347
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,189
‎“好漂亮啊，幹，進去

348
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,816
‎你們到底需要幾盞燈？

349
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,652
‎幹，他們什麼都有”

350
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,112
‎自己做服裝

351
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,698
‎用你爸的靴子

352
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,035
‎洗碗手套

353
00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:47,829
‎壁球護目鏡

354
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:51,333
‎你去敲門，他們打開門，“幹，混蛋

355
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:54,419
‎你打扮成誰？”，“我是白手起家的

356
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,466
‎不給糖就搗蛋
‎有沒有零工我們可以…

357
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:03,178
‎我注意到車道有磁磚鬆掉

358
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:05,055
‎要不要？”

359
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,145
‎我們的父母實在很誇張

360
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:15,065
‎所有爸媽都很好
‎幾乎像是有兩個媽媽

361
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:18,986
‎你要幹嘛都可以
‎小心一點，我們的爸媽…

362
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:21,071
‎能同時當好人跟壞人

363
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:23,365
‎“幫我一個忙好嗎？

364
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,866
‎給我滾出去

365
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:26,827
‎謝謝”

366
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,000
‎所以我說

367
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,919
‎要教小孩明辨是非

368
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,922
‎教他們分辨黑白

369
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:43,176
‎最重要的是，教那些屁孩分辨

370
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,512
‎煙火

371
00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,431
‎跟炮火

372
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:49,975
‎我們知道

373
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,185
‎我們已經知道了

374
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:55,314
‎我們知道煙火是什麼聲音

375
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:59,276
‎當我們聽到…要拔腿就跑

376
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:04,948
‎那不一樣

377
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:08,535
‎有件事我們不做，就是忤逆父母

378
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:10,037
‎從來不會

379
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,582
‎包括繼父繼母，我把話說清楚

380
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:16,418
‎我們不會頂嘴

381
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,380
‎我在機場聽到小孩跟他媽媽說

382
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,132
‎“我恨妳”

383
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,718
‎機場的人都這樣…

384
00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:30,474
‎我們看到那個女人在哭
‎我們說：“搞什麼？

385
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,643
‎揍他一頓

386
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:37,314
‎這樣他才會懂，揍死他”

387
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:41,401
‎機場的人都說：“揍死他！

388
00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:43,278
‎揍死他！

389
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,198
‎揍死他！”，然後拉丁人跳出來

390
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:49,451
‎臭小孩，臭屁孩，臭不啦嘰

391
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,244
‎揍下去…

392
00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:52,829
‎啦啦啦

393
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,377
‎她說

394
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,379
‎“我從沒打過他”

395
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,464
‎我說：“好吧，妳上飛機

396
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,799
‎我們來揍

397
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,010
‎他得好好被揍一頓”

398
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:10,389
‎最好是跟他同機的人動手

399
00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:14,851
‎我八歲的時候跟奶奶說

400
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:16,561
‎“我討厭妳！”

401
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:19,189
‎一定有人跟她講過這句話

402
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:22,109
‎“你討厭我？

403
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:25,487
‎臭小子，我先討厭你的

404
00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:29,908
‎來啊，通通講出來啊

405
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:32,202
‎我承受得住，講啊，混蛋

406
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:35,163
‎你出生的時候，我就討厭你了

407
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:38,750
‎我去醫院產房問
‎“哪個是我孫子？第三個？

408
00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:41,920
‎來啊

409
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:43,755
‎講出來

410
00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:47,217
‎他們在做的時候，我就討厭你了

411
00:23:48,635 --> 00:23:50,095
‎在屋子裡，我聽得到…

412
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,890
‎知道我說什麼嗎？‘給我吞掉’

413
00:23:59,646 --> 00:24:01,148
‎這樣才能受人尊重”

414
00:24:03,733 --> 00:24:04,860
‎胡搞瞎搞

415
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,072
‎拉丁裔女人的丈夫過世後
‎她們不會再婚

416
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:11,616
‎她們想感受那種痛苦

417
00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:16,079
‎“我的世界在今天終結了”

418
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:19,708
‎“什麼？妳在講什麼鬼？”

419
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:20,917
‎“今天就是…

420
00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:23,628
‎我此生的最愛…

421
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:26,882
‎上天堂的日子”，你就說

422
00:24:27,924 --> 00:24:29,468
‎“妳在講什麼…

423
00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:31,052
‎那隻貓？”

424
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,514
‎“我丈夫啦，混帳”

425
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,809
‎他生前可能是個下三濫

426
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,605
‎但他死後，你問：“他們講的是誰？

427
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:47,486
‎-妳講的是誰？”
‎-“我丈夫啊，混帳”

428
00:24:48,111 --> 00:24:48,945
‎“嬸嬸

429
00:24:49,946 --> 00:24:51,573
‎他不是放火燒妳嗎？”

430
00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:59,623
‎“但東西還沒煮好，別怪他，好嗎？”

431
00:25:00,957 --> 00:25:03,543
‎“嬸嬸，在公園…

432
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:05,170
‎他用鏟子

433
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:06,963
‎打妳的背”

434
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:10,383
‎“是我沒閃，別自作聰明”

435
00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:16,890
‎不要孤獨一個人

436
00:25:17,557 --> 00:25:20,310
‎找個愛你的人，別孑然一身到老

437
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:23,313
‎大家都有個可憐的嬸嬸，不要…

438
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:26,525
‎她不會再畫眉毛了…

439
00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:29,569
‎就一張空白的臉

440
00:25:33,156 --> 00:25:34,366
‎“我好興奮

441
00:25:34,449 --> 00:25:35,450
‎你看不出來”

442
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:39,037
‎進去化個妝

443
00:25:42,123 --> 00:25:43,583
‎因為老年人

444
00:25:44,251 --> 00:25:45,585
‎承受不了心痛

445
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:47,212
‎年輕人才受得了心碎

446
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:50,465
‎我叔叔跟女友分手，他63歲了

447
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,467
‎偷窺她的窗戶，老態龍鍾

448
00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:56,805
‎那個女人走出來說
‎”誰在外面？”，他就…

449
00:26:00,183 --> 00:26:01,268
‎放了一個屁

450
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,814
‎“有屎味，誰在這裡？”

451
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:10,860
‎因為年長之後

452
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,947
‎屁股會最先老化

453
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:15,824
‎很可憐

454
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,160
‎女人生過小孩…

455
00:26:22,455 --> 00:26:25,333
‎你做愛時碰的那個陰道

456
00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:29,546
‎跟產房裡面那個一樣，但看起來不同

457
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:32,799
‎相差十萬八千里

458
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:36,970
‎產房裡的陰道很腫，顏色會改變

459
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,767
‎臭護士說

460
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:45,478
‎-“看起來很像你”
‎-“臭婊子，才不像

461
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:47,814
‎我臉上都是屎嗎？

462
00:26:49,482 --> 00:26:52,235
‎我有保險，別那樣跟我講話”

463
00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:55,655
‎當…

464
00:26:56,406 --> 00:26:58,575
‎你做愛的時候，那裡很緊，很棒

465
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:03,330
‎白人的話，就是小蘿蔔糕

466
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:06,791
‎黑人的話，就是紅絲絨

467
00:27:08,918 --> 00:27:10,545
‎中國人，就是幸運餅乾

468
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:17,302
‎拉丁人，就是果餡餅

469
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:29,022
‎那是最棒的果餡陰道

470
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,277
‎沒有泡泡，那是我碰過…

471
00:27:35,528 --> 00:27:37,364
‎最棒的果餡陰道

472
00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:42,452
‎小孩長大後，情況會不一樣

473
00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:44,412
‎我們家不做兒童保護措施

474
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:47,874
‎你在客廳會聽到廚房傳來…

475
00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:52,754
‎進去一看，寶寶的背燙到火爐了

476
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:55,965
‎“小子，你去年燙到這裡

477
00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,843
‎看到去年的皮膚了嗎？

478
00:27:59,719 --> 00:28:01,846
‎你現在燙到這裡

479
00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:04,474
‎你比去年

480
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:06,476
‎長高這麼多

481
00:28:07,435 --> 00:28:10,480
‎你沒變聰明，因為你又燙到了

482
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:13,566
‎但你長高了”

483
00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:17,445
‎教小孩子

484
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:18,738
‎吃爸媽做的東西

485
00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:21,616
‎爸媽煮的東西，你都要吃

486
00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:25,120
‎11個月大的寶寶
‎嬰兒床上有個辣椒餡餅

487
00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:29,874
‎頭上圍著起司

488
00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:33,628
‎“啤酒掉了！”

489
00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:36,089
‎有次我的啤酒掉了

490
00:28:37,006 --> 00:28:39,592
‎他媽的嬰兒監視器，其他寶寶說

491
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:41,761
‎“跟他說我的啤酒掉了

492
00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:44,931
‎快點！你不必穿尿布，去告訴他”

493
00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,351
‎胡搞瞎搞

494
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:51,104
‎拉丁裔女人可能是最漂亮的

495
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:54,649
‎可能是全世界最美的

496
00:28:57,318 --> 00:28:59,529
‎我可不想娶一個回家

497
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:04,242
‎她們不等人稱讚，她們會讚美自己

498
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:07,287
‎穿好衣服，走出來

499
00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:08,747
‎“我變瘦了吧？

500
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:18,381
‎對吧？”

501
00:29:19,048 --> 00:29:20,884
‎釣魚時，“看，我的頭髮”

502
00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:23,845
‎對

503
00:29:24,971 --> 00:29:28,516
‎她們讓你跟朋友出去
‎她們跟你到車子旁邊

504
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,852
‎“我讓你走，算你走運

505
00:29:32,061 --> 00:29:34,481
‎我不是說你，趕快開車

506
00:29:34,981 --> 00:29:37,317
‎快走，免得我改變心意

507
00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:39,986
‎快走

508
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:44,866
‎喝太多的話，別叫優步或來福車

509
00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:47,202
‎要堅強地開車回家”

510
00:29:49,913 --> 00:29:52,123
‎警察攔你下來的時候…

511
00:29:53,583 --> 00:29:56,419
‎“你能倒著唸英文字母嗎？”
‎車裡其他人說

512
00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:57,921
‎“幹，他們逮到他了”

513
00:29:59,714 --> 00:30:01,090
‎“倒著唸字母？

514
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,059
‎A

515
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:14,479
‎B

516
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:16,898
‎多少時間？

517
00:30:17,690 --> 00:30:18,566
‎C”

518
00:30:22,821 --> 00:30:26,115
‎你的親人最後都得由你照顧

519
00:30:26,574 --> 00:30:29,327
‎他們都不想去養老院

520
00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:31,746
‎沒人想離開自己的家

521
00:30:31,955 --> 00:30:34,666
‎家裡有人跌倒，你在看電視

522
00:30:35,291 --> 00:30:36,876
‎樓上傳來…

523
00:30:42,423 --> 00:30:44,342
‎你在門外問：“嬸嬸，沒事吧？”

524
00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:45,260
‎“我摔倒了

525
00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:48,888
‎我摔倒了，喬治，別進來

526
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,182
‎我拉了很多屎

527
00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:54,811
‎我大便在褲子上”，你在走廊上這樣…

528
00:30:55,937 --> 00:30:58,106
‎都還聞不到，你就…

529
00:30:59,107 --> 00:31:00,233
‎“你不應該…

530
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:02,527
‎別講話，我…

531
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,320
‎我背上都是！”

532
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,535
‎你在走廊上這樣

533
00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:12,829
‎“你在哪裡？”

534
00:31:16,457 --> 00:31:19,252
‎醫療報警，這玩意兒太糟糕了

535
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:23,506
‎如果妳是白人女性
‎妳給媽媽醫療警報

536
00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:25,008
‎妳告訴她：“媽

537
00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:28,803
‎我們正式遺棄妳了

538
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:33,141
‎跌倒的時候，沒人會來扶妳”

539
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:36,436
‎所以妳要打去那個地方，“救命

540
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,229
‎我摔倒了”

541
00:31:39,105 --> 00:31:42,442
‎接線生說：“女士，妳這禮拜

542
00:31:43,651 --> 00:31:45,486
‎已經摔倒五次了

543
00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:48,948
‎妳先生跟兒子

544
00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:51,659
‎付的錢只夠妳一個禮拜

545
00:31:52,702 --> 00:31:53,536
‎摔三次

546
00:31:55,038 --> 00:31:57,248
‎我們不能去扶妳起來

547
00:31:58,041 --> 00:32:00,501
‎要等下次計費週期開始才行

548
00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:04,172
‎妳要跟經理談？好的”

549
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:08,092
‎不行

550
00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:10,511
‎有人摔倒時

551
00:32:11,054 --> 00:32:13,139
‎在我們家，等我們笑完後

552
00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,600
‎會去扶他們起來

553
00:32:15,683 --> 00:32:18,186
‎把他們送回廚房，“婊子，快點走”

554
00:32:18,811 --> 00:32:20,897
‎“妳怎麼離開廚房的？

555
00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:23,566
‎媽媽應該待在平底鍋旁邊…”

556
00:32:25,443 --> 00:32:27,111
‎我們都不能接受…

557
00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:29,697
‎我們都無法接受讚美

558
00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:33,076
‎你在媽媽面前獲得讚美
‎“妳愛喬治哪一點？”

559
00:32:33,159 --> 00:32:35,453
‎“我愛…我愛他的笑聲

560
00:32:35,662 --> 00:32:36,496
‎很可愛”

561
00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:38,581
‎你會說：“放屁，才沒有

562
00:32:39,082 --> 00:32:40,458
‎我的笑聲不可愛”

563
00:32:42,418 --> 00:32:44,253
‎“他很懂得分享”

564
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:46,047
‎“他？”

565
00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:49,300
‎你愛的人他們都不喜歡

566
00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:51,552
‎隨便給他們看一張照片

567
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:55,139
‎我以前常給奶奶看照片
‎我說：“這女生怎樣？”

568
00:32:56,307 --> 00:32:57,141
‎“賤貨”

569
00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:00,853
‎好，“這一個呢？”

570
00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:03,398
‎“也是賤貨”

571
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,859
‎看她走路的樣子
‎我年輕時就是這樣走路的

572
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:09,112
‎我也是婊子，清楚得很

573
00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:11,531
‎就是那種姿勢”

574
00:33:13,449 --> 00:33:15,994
‎年紀大了之後會有小孩

575
00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:18,079
‎小孩出生那天

576
00:33:18,162 --> 00:33:19,664
‎是你這輩子

577
00:33:19,872 --> 00:33:20,748
‎最棒的一天

578
00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,043
‎要視情況而定

579
00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:27,171
‎因為有些小孩很欠揍…

580
00:33:27,255 --> 00:33:30,383
‎沒拔出來，竟要付出慘痛代價，幹！

581
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:34,637
‎“要多久？永遠都不停？”

582
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:38,266
‎“現在才說，不然我早拔出來了”

583
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:42,437
‎冰箱有什麼我們都吃

584
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,065
‎可能在裡面兩年了，甚至停產了

585
00:33:46,941 --> 00:33:49,986
‎你打開冰箱，看到牛奶
‎你說：“搞什麼…

586
00:33:53,531 --> 00:33:56,409
‎這是七月的牛奶”

587
00:33:57,493 --> 00:34:00,538
‎你媽站在那裡說：“在學校

588
00:34:01,456 --> 00:34:03,041
‎你不好好讀書

589
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,544
‎在家裡，你什麼都要拿起來讀

590
00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:10,298
‎媽的！

591
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:12,550
‎羅塞塔語言學習軟體

592
00:34:12,633 --> 00:34:14,093
‎你什麼都要…

593
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,137
‎你什麼都想學是吧？”

594
00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:21,142
‎你不能說沒有東西吃

595
00:34:21,225 --> 00:34:23,478
‎我會找到東西讓你吃

596
00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:26,564
‎冰箱後面的小包裝袋裡

597
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:28,316
‎有條熱狗

598
00:34:29,484 --> 00:34:32,236
‎上面一層脂肪，燈光把它給燒焦了

599
00:34:33,821 --> 00:34:35,448
‎他們拿出來說：“吃掉”

600
00:34:35,531 --> 00:34:37,533
‎“幹，上面一層脂肪”

601
00:34:37,617 --> 00:34:38,743
‎“你不是嗎？

602
00:34:39,702 --> 00:34:41,079
‎臭小子

603
00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:42,288
‎混蛋

604
00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:45,708
‎去廁所把衣服脫掉，照照鏡子

605
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,378
‎再回來跟那條熱狗道歉

606
00:34:52,298 --> 00:34:53,758
‎跟那條熱狗道歉！”

607
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:57,303
‎“媽的，跟熱狗道歉”

608
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:04,227
‎每天都會有人跟你講很白痴的事

609
00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:06,896
‎沒人想在電梯裡講話

610
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:09,607
‎所以大家會這樣

611
00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:15,988
‎你會學到這些事

612
00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:18,783
‎我跟一個人說
‎“我只待到明天就走了”

613
00:35:19,075 --> 00:35:20,243
‎那個人看著我

614
00:35:20,326 --> 00:35:23,329
‎他說：“很好
‎你有足夠的時間去吃屎”

615
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:34,465
‎這樣你就知道別在電梯裡講話

616
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:39,095
‎有人問我：“你上過飛輪課程嗎？”

617
00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:40,471
‎我說：“什麼鬼？

618
00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:42,890
‎飛輪課程？嘿

619
00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:45,226
‎我們墨西哥人騎腳踏車

620
00:35:45,935 --> 00:35:48,521
‎一小時後，我們會在不同地方

621
00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,274
‎我們會距離一小時的路程”

622
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,403
‎你上完課後會在同一個地方
‎屁股痛得要命

623
00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:58,948
‎-“你跑去哪？”
‎-“在這裡騎腳踏車”

624
00:35:59,740 --> 00:36:02,660
‎-“我們都在那邊等你”
‎-“他媽的腳踏車”

625
00:36:03,369 --> 00:36:05,204
‎“我說了，那個腳踏車不會動”

626
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:11,502
‎就是這樣，我們想要正確飲食

627
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:15,631
‎拉丁人不想長生不死
‎但我們還是會享受食物

628
00:36:15,715 --> 00:36:19,969
‎沒人會長生不死
‎好好享受食物，想吃什麼就吃

629
00:36:22,054 --> 00:36:23,764
‎他媽的，點一頭牛來吃

630
00:36:26,517 --> 00:36:28,311
‎現在很扯

631
00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:31,689
‎你去墨西哥餐廳會聽到他們說

632
00:36:31,772 --> 00:36:33,274
‎“先生好”

633
00:36:34,775 --> 00:36:37,820
‎他媽的服務生在那裡40年了
‎他在那裡等

634
00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:42,867
‎“嗨，這些雞肉玉米餅

635
00:36:44,076 --> 00:36:47,163
‎那些雞是人道宰殺的嗎？”

636
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,669
‎-“什麼？”
‎-“那隻雞…

637
00:36:54,545 --> 00:36:56,130
‎是人道宰殺的嗎？”

638
00:36:58,424 --> 00:36:59,258
‎“對

639
00:37:01,135 --> 00:37:02,803
‎我們一直撫摸牠，直到死掉”

640
00:37:09,435 --> 00:37:11,270
‎我們不想長生不死

641
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:15,358
‎我們不知道自己膽固醇多高
‎我們第一次量血壓

642
00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:16,400
‎是在市場

643
00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:19,070
‎他們有免費的機器

644
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:23,199
‎把手臂伸進去，按下按鈕

645
00:37:23,282 --> 00:37:25,201
‎那個東西開始充氣

646
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,167
‎數字出來的時候，大家都想看

647
00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:35,002
‎“閃開，那是我的結果”

648
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:39,257
‎-“多少？”
‎-“去年收縮壓280

649
00:37:40,132 --> 00:37:41,801
‎舒張壓125

650
00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:44,345
‎它說我應該要死了，但瞧瞧…

651
00:37:46,597 --> 00:37:48,683
‎我還有很多事要做，不能死

652
00:37:50,685 --> 00:37:53,104
‎我們不想去看醫生，我們不想面對

653
00:37:53,688 --> 00:37:55,648
‎我們的文化

654
00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:58,025
‎現在最扯的事就是

655
00:37:58,401 --> 00:37:59,360
‎性別

656
00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:00,569
‎揭曉

657
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:03,155
‎派對

658
00:38:04,573 --> 00:38:07,952
‎白人實在有夠扯

659
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,414
‎還辦什麼性別

660
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:12,832
‎揭曉

661
00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:14,292
‎派對

662
00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:17,044
‎家人全都聚在一起

663
00:38:19,755 --> 00:38:21,799
‎“狄倫，戳破氣球！”

664
00:38:24,218 --> 00:38:26,637
‎拉丁人才不在乎粉紅色或藍色

665
00:38:26,721 --> 00:38:27,930
‎是我們的嗎？

666
00:38:30,016 --> 00:38:31,684
‎“是我的種嗎？帶他過來

667
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:35,271
‎他過來後，最好看起來黑一點

668
00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:37,606
‎他在那邊看起來很白”

669
00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:42,820
‎我們不弄這些有的沒的

670
00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:46,282
‎有些人會拍食物的照片

671
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:55,082
‎在餐廳裡拍，然後寄給你

672
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:56,625
‎你不在餐廳裡

673
00:38:57,251 --> 00:39:00,212
‎但他們把照片寄給你，你在家裡

674
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:02,673
‎收到牛排的照片

675
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:04,675
‎你不在那裡

676
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,970
‎所以拍張大便的照片傳回去

677
00:39:13,976 --> 00:39:16,604
‎-“這啥鬼？”
‎-“之前與之後的照片，混蛋

678
00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:19,440
‎給我看什麼牛排”

679
00:39:21,233 --> 00:39:22,735
‎然後你傳一張屌照

680
00:39:22,818 --> 00:39:25,988
‎說：“這是點心，誰要？

681
00:39:27,656 --> 00:39:30,076
‎我會給你一些沾醬”

682
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:32,870
‎沒人在乎

683
00:39:34,497 --> 00:39:37,792
‎大家都在說廢話
‎我去紐約當然會吃熱狗

684
00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:41,504
‎大家偏要看我吃，有個人說

685
00:39:41,962 --> 00:39:45,049
‎“如果你知道熱狗是什麼做的

686
00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:47,093
‎就不會再想吃了”

687
00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:48,344
‎“是嗎？

688
00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:50,971
‎我知道陰道能做什麼事，我照吃不誤

689
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,106
‎管好你自己就好，混蛋”

690
00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:04,819
‎如果你要花時間

691
00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:09,115
‎唸那些狗屁床邊故事給孩子聽

692
00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:12,368
‎不如用那些時間來告訴孩子

693
00:40:12,451 --> 00:40:15,746
‎他們可以變成任何他們想要的人

694
00:40:16,705 --> 00:40:17,873
‎他們很重要

695
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:22,420
‎別人會聽到他們的意見

696
00:40:23,129 --> 00:40:25,047
‎要先讓他們過得快樂

697
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:26,674
‎因為

698
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:30,469
‎如果你要講童話，就講這一個

699
00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:38,102
‎他們不是教我們怎麼在家過日子

700
00:40:38,185 --> 00:40:40,980
‎而是教我們怎麼在社會上討生活

701
00:40:41,313 --> 00:40:42,148
‎懂嗎？

702
00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:45,109
‎任何情況我們都能應付

703
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:48,487
‎教孩子要尊重別人

704
00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:51,365
‎教孩子在公共場所要守規矩

705
00:40:55,619 --> 00:40:57,121
‎鬧脾氣？我們不會

706
00:40:57,538 --> 00:41:00,583
‎我一直到50幾歲才會鬧脾氣

707
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:04,837
‎我當時53歲，我奶奶過世七年了

708
00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:06,755
‎我還左顧右盼

709
00:41:07,339 --> 00:41:10,050
‎“我聞到歐蕾的味道，她在附近嗎？”

710
00:41:12,344 --> 00:41:13,804
‎她們就是這樣，幹！

711
00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:14,805
‎今年

712
00:41:15,389 --> 00:41:17,725
‎首次有女性上太空

713
00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,935
‎她們在太空漫步，兩個女人

714
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:21,353
‎第一次登上太空

715
00:41:22,354 --> 00:41:26,192
‎她們的丈夫一定說
‎“幹，她們離得還不夠遠吧？

716
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:27,735
‎靠

717
00:41:28,611 --> 00:41:30,696
‎她們進入地球大氣層時通知我們

718
00:41:30,779 --> 00:41:32,448
‎我們要開始打掃

719
00:41:33,157 --> 00:41:34,658
‎幫寶寶換尿布”

720
00:41:39,121 --> 00:41:40,080
‎我覺得…

721
00:41:41,373 --> 00:41:43,959
‎我覺得我們這輩子可能會看到

722
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:45,961
‎拉丁裔的美國總統

723
00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:51,342
‎如果這混蛋能當總統，誰都可以

724
00:41:52,968 --> 00:41:54,011
‎我叔叔也行

725
00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:58,516
‎“東西都免費，怎麼？不行？好吧”

726
00:41:59,725 --> 00:42:02,853
‎如果有拉丁裔總統
‎我們會照顧大家，女性更好

727
00:42:05,773 --> 00:42:07,525
‎你永遠看不到那個混蛋

728
00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:09,610
‎他永遠不會離開白宮

729
00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:13,072
‎“回家，你昨晚出門了

730
00:42:14,740 --> 00:42:17,159
‎你知道不能連續兩晚出門

731
00:42:17,952 --> 00:42:20,246
‎他們想跟你講話，可以來這裡

732
00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:24,792
‎你不能走，電話給我
‎我跟他們說你不能去”

733
00:42:27,294 --> 00:42:29,547
‎我們就是這樣，這個國家

734
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:31,590
‎應該可以更好，聽我說

735
00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:34,218
‎你不可以打電話

736
00:42:34,343 --> 00:42:36,845
‎叫警察來抓人

737
00:42:36,929 --> 00:42:41,100
‎只是因為他們有些地方
‎你看不順眼，這個國家…

738
00:42:41,559 --> 00:42:44,770
‎我們得回去管好自己的事

739
00:42:44,853 --> 00:42:47,231
‎讓別人去做他們的事

740
00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:53,946
‎有白人打電話報警

741
00:42:54,029 --> 00:42:57,116
‎說星巴克裡有黑人
‎他們嚇得半死，“喂

742
00:42:59,034 --> 00:43:00,494
‎他們在這裡，救命

743
00:43:01,620 --> 00:43:03,330
‎我不能明講

744
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:06,083
‎我用咖啡暗號，好嗎？

745
00:43:06,875 --> 00:43:08,377
‎有四杯義大利濃縮咖啡

746
00:43:10,754 --> 00:43:12,214
‎兩杯西班牙歐洽塔剛進來

747
00:43:14,216 --> 00:43:16,302
‎三杯墨西哥傳統雞尾酒，天哪，快點

748
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:18,637
‎醬油，快點！”

749
00:43:21,015 --> 00:43:22,391
‎亂七八糟，聽好

750
00:43:24,143 --> 00:43:25,102
‎根本是胡扯

751
00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:28,105
‎美國發生過的

752
00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:30,274
‎國內恐怖活動

753
00:43:30,691 --> 00:43:31,817
‎都不是

754
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:35,070
‎非裔美國人或拉丁人所為

755
00:43:41,827 --> 00:43:43,037
‎大規模槍案凶手？

756
00:43:43,370 --> 00:43:44,288
‎不是我們

757
00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:47,750
‎裡面的我們不認識，我們不會進去

758
00:43:48,917 --> 00:43:49,918
‎一走進去

759
00:43:53,464 --> 00:43:55,549
‎“沒關係，沒事

760
00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:58,177
‎我以為叔叔在裡面，晚點再來”

761
00:43:59,845 --> 00:44:00,679
‎我們不會

762
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,724
‎在學校開槍？

763
00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:04,642
‎不可能

764
00:44:05,142 --> 00:44:07,603
‎我們超討厭學校，你會覺得…

765
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:11,857
‎我們會把校園掃射到寸草不留

766
00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:14,109
‎-“今天要考試”
‎-“才怪”

767
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,739
‎我們在學校開槍，也不會射到學生

768
00:44:19,281 --> 00:44:21,533
‎我們會掃射點名單

769
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:24,828
‎“就在這裡”

770
00:44:26,705 --> 00:44:28,374
‎你離開學校後又回去

771
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:31,251
‎“記得你的成績平均積點嗎？”

772
00:44:31,794 --> 00:44:32,836
‎“我的？喔

773
00:44:34,046 --> 00:44:35,589
‎普遍還滿高的

774
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:37,716
‎滿高的

775
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,134
‎我記得是…

776
00:44:40,427 --> 00:44:42,388
‎21…

777
00:44:44,556 --> 00:44:46,016
‎21.5左右

778
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:48,268
‎4或5

779
00:44:49,269 --> 00:44:50,688
‎21.5

780
00:44:51,730 --> 00:44:53,148
‎我的成績平均積點…

781
00:44:55,317 --> 00:44:56,360
‎成績平均積點…

782
00:44:57,277 --> 00:44:58,237
‎成績平均雞點

783
00:44:59,613 --> 00:45:00,614
‎大概

784
00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:04,660
‎聽我說

785
00:45:05,077 --> 00:45:08,372
‎每個禮拜都能在新聞看到

786
00:45:08,706 --> 00:45:11,166
‎老師跟學生上床

787
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:13,127
‎因此遭到逮捕

788
00:45:14,128 --> 00:45:15,546
‎那些老師

789
00:45:16,547 --> 00:45:17,881
‎都不醜，他們都…

790
00:45:20,801 --> 00:45:23,804
‎他們都長得很好看，不像我們的老師

791
00:45:28,142 --> 00:45:30,185
‎如果以前老師想跟我們上床

792
00:45:30,644 --> 00:45:32,730
‎你會看著老師說

793
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:36,984
‎“史密斯老師，我情願被當掉

794
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:39,987
‎我寧願被當掉

795
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:44,158
‎暑期補修時妳再問問看
‎但我不保證”

796
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:49,872
‎不

797
00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:53,041
‎那些學生舉發老師

798
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:56,336
‎跟我們非常不一樣，他們…

799
00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:58,255
‎舉發老師

800
00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:00,424
‎我們呢？

801
00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:08,891
‎沒人上學會遲到，幹，早上5點半…

802
00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:13,395
‎隊伍排好長

803
00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:22,362
‎“我得回家，待會再來”

804
00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:26,533
‎就算告訴別人，也沒人會信

805
00:46:27,284 --> 00:46:28,660
‎老師幫我吹喇叭

806
00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:32,164
‎“吹你的大頭鬼！

807
00:46:32,664 --> 00:46:34,708
‎胡說八道 ，瞎掰！

808
00:46:35,459 --> 00:46:36,293
‎鬼扯！

809
00:46:37,503 --> 00:46:40,631
‎安德森老師幹嘛吹墨西哥肥屌？

810
00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:50,182
‎我也這樣說，她照吹不誤，我不知道

811
00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:55,437
‎去跟她說，別跟我廢話，幹”

812
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:58,899
‎你走進去

813
00:46:59,399 --> 00:47:00,901
‎去校長室

814
00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:03,278
‎校長在裡面

815
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:05,280
‎安德森老師

816
00:47:05,948 --> 00:47:07,074
‎警察

817
00:47:08,033 --> 00:47:09,117
‎你媽

818
00:47:10,035 --> 00:47:11,078
‎你爸

819
00:47:12,037 --> 00:47:13,205
‎你繼父

820
00:47:15,123 --> 00:47:17,292
‎“喬治洛佩茲，進來，安德森老師

821
00:47:17,793 --> 00:47:19,378
‎幫你吹簫嗎？

822
00:47:20,546 --> 00:47:22,381
‎她幫你射出來嗎？”

823
00:47:30,055 --> 00:47:32,140
‎“問題是，我不會講英文

824
00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:36,645
‎給我的？我不知道，屁股？

825
00:47:36,728 --> 00:47:37,646
‎屁股？

826
00:47:38,897 --> 00:47:40,858
‎沒有屁股”

827
00:47:47,364 --> 00:47:48,198
‎聽好

828
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,493
‎我們愛這個國家，大家要明白

829
00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:52,578
‎好嗎？

830
00:47:53,245 --> 00:47:56,123
‎那些亂七八糟的事，炸掉聯邦大樓

831
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:57,916
‎不可能

832
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:00,711
‎錢都是從那裡發出來的，搞屁

833
00:48:02,045 --> 00:48:03,005
‎我們不笨

834
00:48:03,088 --> 00:48:05,173
‎“搞什麼？支票都是從…”

835
00:48:06,341 --> 00:48:07,467
‎“你不是同意？”

836
00:48:09,678 --> 00:48:11,388
‎別把孩子交給祖父母

837
00:48:11,471 --> 00:48:13,181
‎因為你跟祖母住在一起

838
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:17,102
‎你想學他們教育你那樣教小孩

839
00:48:17,185 --> 00:48:18,478
‎你媽會說：“嘿

840
00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:21,648
‎別那樣跟我孫子講話

841
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:24,943
‎只要我還在，你就要尊重他

842
00:48:25,527 --> 00:48:27,613
‎好嗎？要尊重”

843
00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:30,365
‎-“妳就對我大叫”
‎-”那不一樣，混蛋

844
00:48:30,449 --> 00:48:31,491
‎他很聰明

845
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:35,287
‎跟你不一樣，不會整天戴頭盔”

846
00:48:37,956 --> 00:48:41,418
‎我們以前不會回嘴
‎夏天可以把我們關在車內

847
00:48:41,710 --> 00:48:45,213
‎現在不行，你可以把我們留在車內
‎車窗搖起來

848
00:48:53,263 --> 00:48:56,683
‎看到警察，“不行，幹…
‎你會讓我惹麻煩，我沒問題

849
00:48:57,267 --> 00:48:59,811
‎我只待了一個半小時，沒事的

850
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,481
‎走開，去抓真的罪犯，我沒事

851
00:49:06,151 --> 00:49:07,027
‎懂嗎？

852
00:49:07,402 --> 00:49:08,362
‎那就是未來

853
00:49:08,445 --> 00:49:10,530
‎那就是這個國家的未來

854
00:49:10,614 --> 00:49:12,616
‎拉丁裔的多元化

855
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:15,410
‎中國人、拉丁人、黑人、白人
‎今晚都在

856
00:49:15,494 --> 00:49:17,329
‎這是多元化的最佳展現

857
00:49:18,538 --> 00:49:20,374
‎我們哪都不去，混蛋！

858
00:49:24,419 --> 00:49:28,382
‎生活要過得愉快
‎別讓別人指使你怎麼做

859
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:30,676
‎別等到生病，才想好好生活

860
00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:32,636
‎日子要過得愉快

861
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,015
‎相親相愛，快快樂樂

862
00:49:38,183 --> 00:49:41,561
‎珍惜那些時刻，如果家裡還有長輩

863
00:49:41,645 --> 00:49:42,980
‎幫他們拍照

864
00:49:43,063 --> 00:49:44,898
‎牽他們的手，幫他們梳頭

865
00:49:45,190 --> 00:49:46,775
‎讓他們再放一次屁

866
00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:48,860
‎我們就是這樣

867
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:51,697
‎我愛我的族群

868
00:49:52,739 --> 00:49:54,741
‎我愛全世界的拉丁人

869
00:49:54,866 --> 00:49:56,118
‎我們互不相識

870
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,831
‎但我們遵循這個簡單的規則

871
00:50:01,748 --> 00:50:03,291
‎你惹到一粒豆子

872
00:50:03,917 --> 00:50:05,961
‎就是招惹整個墨西哥玉米餡餅

873
00:50:08,588 --> 00:50:10,966
‎感謝各位前來捧場，我愛你們

874
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:12,718
‎謝謝大家

875
00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:34,573
‎謝謝各位，我喜歡！

876
00:51:18,533 --> 00:51:20,869
‎字幕翻譯：劉孜堯