WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:08.458 ["Jingle Bells" playing] 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:14.791 --> 00:00:18.666 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪ 5 00:00:19.041 --> 00:00:21.583 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse... ♪ 6 00:00:22.041 --> 00:00:23.916 [woman] Fucking holidays. 7 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.375 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪ 8 00:00:27.458 --> 00:00:31.416 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh ♪ 9 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:37.125 [sighs] Hmm. 10 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:40.458 Merry Christmas. 11 00:00:40.541 --> 00:00:43.916 Ah! This is what you wear to Christmas dinner? 12 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:46.000 Don't you even own a dress? 13 00:00:46.083 --> 00:00:47.666 I'm great, Mom. Thanks. 14 00:00:47.750 --> 00:00:49.500 House looks beautiful. 15 00:00:49.583 --> 00:00:52.416 Well, your Aunt Susan brought at-the-mall-Santa home. 16 00:00:52.500 --> 00:00:53.333 [Susan chuckles] 17 00:00:53.416 --> 00:00:55.541 And your nephew just pooped in the manger. 18 00:00:55.625 --> 00:00:57.375 Ugh. It was a tiny poop, 19 00:00:57.458 --> 00:00:59.416 and he moved the baby Jesus first. 20 00:00:59.500 --> 00:01:00.750 -Hi. -Hi. 21 00:01:00.833 --> 00:01:02.125 Merry Christmas. 22 00:01:02.208 --> 00:01:03.833 -Gingerbread elf? -Oh! 23 00:01:04.666 --> 00:01:05.541 -Wow. -Hey. 24 00:01:06.166 --> 00:01:08.083 Um, Rodney said you didn't call him. 25 00:01:08.250 --> 00:01:10.750 I'm sorry, but I cannot date a professional clown. 26 00:01:10.833 --> 00:01:11.666 I'd never sleep. 27 00:01:11.750 --> 00:01:14.916 Jesus, Sloane, it's been six months. You gotta get back out there. 28 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:16.666 How does she expect to meet anybody 29 00:01:16.750 --> 00:01:19.166 when she sits around the house wearing pajamas? 30 00:01:19.250 --> 00:01:20.958 It's called working remote, Mother. 31 00:01:21.041 --> 00:01:24.250 My boss doesn't care what I wear as long as I meet my quota. 32 00:01:24.333 --> 00:01:27.875 He does, however, request that my mother stop FaceTiming me during business hours. 33 00:01:27.958 --> 00:01:29.916 You're not still smoking, are you? 34 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:32.416 Uh... No, Mom. I'm not still smoking. 35 00:01:32.833 --> 00:01:34.458 I had a smoky Uber. 36 00:01:34.541 --> 00:01:37.000 Well, I know the holidays can be stressful, 37 00:01:37.083 --> 00:01:39.750 but no man wants to marry a smoker... 38 00:01:41.791 --> 00:01:42.791 who lies. 39 00:01:44.750 --> 00:01:47.208 Well, no man wants a bitchy mother-in-law. 40 00:01:47.291 --> 00:01:49.041 So, I guess that's three strikes. 41 00:01:51.125 --> 00:01:52.458 Woo-hoo hoo-hoo! 42 00:01:52.750 --> 00:01:55.125 You know it's a holiday when my sister shows up alone. 43 00:01:55.208 --> 00:01:57.458 -Don't rub it in. She's obviously sad. -Stop it. 44 00:01:57.541 --> 00:01:58.750 I'm not sad. 45 00:01:58.833 --> 00:02:00.541 Are you sure? You look really sad. 46 00:02:00.625 --> 00:02:01.458 Uh-uh. 47 00:02:01.666 --> 00:02:02.666 I'm not sad. 48 00:02:02.750 --> 00:02:06.291 [man] Boom! One sanitized manger. 49 00:02:06.375 --> 00:02:08.250 [chuckles] Aw, Sloane. 50 00:02:09.291 --> 00:02:10.458 You didn't call Rodney? 51 00:02:13.458 --> 00:02:14.541 [Susan] Isn't he great? 52 00:02:14.625 --> 00:02:16.541 -Hmm. -I met him at the mall. 53 00:02:16.875 --> 00:02:20.250 You'd be surprised at the quality of men you can meet at the mall. 54 00:02:20.333 --> 00:02:23.000 [sighs] I don't think I would actually. 55 00:02:23.083 --> 00:02:23.916 Relax. 56 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.333 It's not like I'm going to marry him. 57 00:02:26.958 --> 00:02:28.333 He's just my holidate. 58 00:02:28.916 --> 00:02:29.958 A "holidate"? 59 00:02:30.041 --> 00:02:32.291 You know, a date solely for the holiday. 60 00:02:32.625 --> 00:02:33.458 No commitment. 61 00:02:34.708 --> 00:02:36.416 Want me to see if he has a friend? 62 00:02:47.083 --> 00:02:49.125 [woman] Don't be nervous. They'll love you. 63 00:02:49.208 --> 00:02:52.125 [in Australian accent] Your parents know this is only our third date, right? 64 00:02:52.208 --> 00:02:53.583 Oh, my God. It's not a big deal. 65 00:02:53.666 --> 00:02:55.583 Actually, I don't think they know you're coming. 66 00:02:55.666 --> 00:02:58.958 -Hi! Merry Christmas! -[both] Merry Christmas! 67 00:02:59.041 --> 00:03:01.041 [all laughing] 68 00:03:01.125 --> 00:03:03.125 Oh, and you must be Jackson. 69 00:03:03.541 --> 00:03:05.875 You're even more handsome than in the pictures. 70 00:03:05.958 --> 00:03:06.916 [chuckles] 71 00:03:07.458 --> 00:03:08.375 Pictures? 72 00:03:10.166 --> 00:03:13.625 Oh, and her first time on Santa's lap. 73 00:03:13.708 --> 00:03:17.708 She peed right through to Santa's leg. [laughs] 74 00:03:18.125 --> 00:03:21.625 Ah, first ballet recital and... 75 00:03:21.708 --> 00:03:22.583 Oh! 76 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:25.333 this is the day she got her first period. 77 00:03:26.125 --> 00:03:27.125 [Jackson] Charming. 78 00:03:28.416 --> 00:03:30.166 Oh, and this one... 79 00:03:30.583 --> 00:03:32.916 was for Little Miss Evanston. 80 00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:34.125 [chuckles] 81 00:03:36.833 --> 00:03:37.916 You should know, 82 00:03:40.083 --> 00:03:42.750 Carly's father and I are perfectly comfortable 83 00:03:42.833 --> 00:03:44.916 with you two sleeping together in here. 84 00:03:46.125 --> 00:03:47.916 Oh, no. It's fine. 85 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:49.625 I won't be staying over. 86 00:03:49.708 --> 00:03:51.333 [scoffs] Nonsense. 87 00:03:51.416 --> 00:03:53.125 You're practically family. 88 00:04:01.625 --> 00:04:02.625 Fuck am I? 89 00:04:02.708 --> 00:04:04.375 [indistinct chatter] 90 00:04:05.291 --> 00:04:06.458 [all laughing] 91 00:04:10.041 --> 00:04:11.291 -[woman] Sloane. -Yeah? 92 00:04:11.375 --> 00:04:13.666 Stop being a baby. We can put the leaf in. 93 00:04:13.750 --> 00:04:16.208 No, thank you. I prefer the singles table. 94 00:04:16.291 --> 00:04:17.375 [sighs] 95 00:04:17.458 --> 00:04:21.166 All right, kids, let's check on presents. Come on. Let's go. 96 00:04:22.041 --> 00:04:22.875 So... 97 00:04:23.583 --> 00:04:26.500 Aunt Sloane, why didn't you call Rodney? 98 00:04:27.041 --> 00:04:29.041 Why didn't you call Rodney? 99 00:04:29.125 --> 00:04:30.916 Because I already have a boyfriend. 100 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:32.458 His name is Levi, 101 00:04:32.541 --> 00:04:35.666 and he shares his juice box with me every day at recess. 102 00:04:36.833 --> 00:04:38.250 Good for you, Daisy. 103 00:04:38.333 --> 00:04:40.208 You enjoy it while you can, 104 00:04:40.541 --> 00:04:42.791 because one day you are gonna walk outside, 105 00:04:42.875 --> 00:04:45.416 and you're gonna catch Levi sharing his juice box 106 00:04:45.500 --> 00:04:47.583 with a Starbucks barista named "Rainbow." 107 00:04:48.250 --> 00:04:50.291 Yeah, it's not a good day, Daisy. 108 00:04:50.375 --> 00:04:51.500 It hurts. 109 00:04:51.583 --> 00:04:52.625 It hardens you. 110 00:04:53.333 --> 00:04:54.750 And the next thing you know, 111 00:04:54.833 --> 00:04:56.083 you're just south of 30, 112 00:04:56.166 --> 00:04:59.083 sitting at the kids table, numbing the pain with a vodka. 113 00:04:59.500 --> 00:05:00.583 [slurping] 114 00:05:00.666 --> 00:05:02.541 God, my parents love you! 115 00:05:02.625 --> 00:05:04.583 What the hell is wrong with you? You told them-- 116 00:05:04.666 --> 00:05:07.250 -You told your parents we're a couple? -Oh, come on. 117 00:05:07.958 --> 00:05:09.500 You know you like me. 118 00:05:09.583 --> 00:05:12.083 You wouldn't be here on a major holiday 119 00:05:12.166 --> 00:05:14.416 -if you didn't like me. -I-- 120 00:05:14.833 --> 00:05:16.958 [gasps] A Clapper? 121 00:05:17.041 --> 00:05:18.958 Look, I told you my parents are in Australia. 122 00:05:19.041 --> 00:05:20.791 -[unzips] -I didn't have any other... 123 00:05:21.250 --> 00:05:23.833 [stammers] ...plans. 124 00:05:27.166 --> 00:05:28.833 [women] Ooh! 125 00:05:29.125 --> 00:05:31.041 -Hey! -Ah! 126 00:05:31.375 --> 00:05:32.708 -Pajamas. -Yes! 127 00:05:32.791 --> 00:05:37.166 I thought they were so cute and cozy for, like, a girl's night in. 128 00:05:37.250 --> 00:05:38.208 [both chuckle] 129 00:05:40.875 --> 00:05:42.083 Hey! 130 00:05:43.791 --> 00:05:46.000 -Pants. -They're khakis! 131 00:05:46.916 --> 00:05:49.083 Because golfers love khakis, right? 132 00:05:49.166 --> 00:05:51.958 I didn't know the size so I got three, but you can exchange them. 133 00:05:52.708 --> 00:05:53.625 Pants... 134 00:05:54.083 --> 00:05:56.041 -and a project. -[both chuckle] 135 00:05:56.333 --> 00:05:57.208 Thanks! 136 00:06:03.958 --> 00:06:05.083 [stutters] 137 00:06:05.166 --> 00:06:06.916 I'm sorry. I really didn't... 138 00:06:07.833 --> 00:06:09.666 think we're doing the whole present thing. 139 00:06:09.750 --> 00:06:11.666 [scoffs] Why would you think that? 140 00:06:13.583 --> 00:06:16.083 Because you said we're not doing the whole present thing. 141 00:06:17.208 --> 00:06:18.041 Oh! 142 00:06:19.791 --> 00:06:22.875 I see. So, you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, 143 00:06:22.958 --> 00:06:25.583 but you don't know me well enough to get me a Christmas present? 144 00:06:25.916 --> 00:06:27.125 [stutters] I-- 145 00:06:28.708 --> 00:06:30.875 I could give you some cash. I've got, what-- 146 00:06:31.875 --> 00:06:33.583 What have I got left? Forty bucks? 147 00:06:34.083 --> 00:06:35.166 Forty bucks? 148 00:06:36.375 --> 00:06:37.750 What am I, a prostitute? 149 00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:39.916 No! God, no! 150 00:06:40.041 --> 00:06:41.625 Absolutely not. What the-- 151 00:06:42.250 --> 00:06:43.416 I'll take 80. 152 00:06:44.333 --> 00:06:45.166 [scoffs] 153 00:06:45.666 --> 00:06:47.333 I'm not giving you $80. 154 00:06:47.833 --> 00:06:50.291 But we had sex, Jackson! Twice! 155 00:06:50.375 --> 00:06:54.208 I cannot believe that you didn't get me a Christmas present! 156 00:06:54.291 --> 00:06:55.583 I can't believe 157 00:06:55.666 --> 00:06:58.500 that you'd ambush me like this in front of your parents! 158 00:06:58.583 --> 00:07:01.166 Actually, you know what? I can. 159 00:07:01.666 --> 00:07:04.208 'Cause chicks go mental on the holidays. 160 00:07:04.291 --> 00:07:07.500 Lovely evening, guys. Beautiful dinner. Have a merry Christmas. 161 00:07:11.916 --> 00:07:12.958 [grunts] 162 00:07:13.041 --> 00:07:14.291 [groans] 163 00:07:18.166 --> 00:07:19.166 Cheers. 164 00:07:19.916 --> 00:07:21.541 -[Sloane sighs] -[boy clears throat] 165 00:07:21.625 --> 00:07:23.333 Could I have everyone's attention? 166 00:07:24.291 --> 00:07:26.166 There's something that I need to say. 167 00:07:26.250 --> 00:07:27.500 Who wants dessert? 168 00:07:28.500 --> 00:07:29.708 [chuckles] Oh! 169 00:07:30.875 --> 00:07:31.708 Oh! 170 00:07:32.833 --> 00:07:34.166 Elizabeth Kimberly Chen... 171 00:07:35.125 --> 00:07:36.375 Fuck no. 172 00:07:36.833 --> 00:07:38.833 I know it's been only been three months 173 00:07:38.916 --> 00:07:40.333 and six heavenly days, 174 00:07:40.916 --> 00:07:43.250 but I feel like I've known you my entire life. 175 00:07:43.875 --> 00:07:46.125 Will you make me the happiest man in the world 176 00:07:46.625 --> 00:07:47.541 and marry me? 177 00:07:47.625 --> 00:07:49.250 [Liz] Oh, my gosh! -[gasps] 178 00:07:49.708 --> 00:07:50.541 Yes! 179 00:07:50.625 --> 00:07:51.708 Yes, I'll marry you! 180 00:07:51.791 --> 00:07:54.166 -Two down, one to go! -Congratulations. 181 00:07:54.250 --> 00:07:56.375 -Best Christmas ever! -Yes! 182 00:07:56.458 --> 00:07:58.666 [all cheering, whooping] 183 00:07:58.750 --> 00:08:01.500 Wow, this is... awesome. 184 00:08:01.583 --> 00:08:04.166 My little brother getting married. [chuckles] 185 00:08:04.250 --> 00:08:05.708 [all cheering and laughing] 186 00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:08.000 Wow! I just... 187 00:08:09.250 --> 00:08:10.875 love these pajamas. 188 00:08:14.250 --> 00:08:17.083 -[man] What’s the hold up? -[woman] This is ridiculous. 189 00:08:17.208 --> 00:08:19.958 [Jackson] I've been in line over half an hour. Please-- 190 00:08:20.041 --> 00:08:23.125 I'm sorry, without a gift receipt I can only offer you a store credit. 191 00:08:23.541 --> 00:08:25.333 I don't want a store credit. 192 00:08:25.791 --> 00:08:28.166 I want to never have to return to this store. 193 00:08:28.250 --> 00:08:31.833 We have some really cute stuff. Have you tried our authentic skinny jeans? 194 00:08:32.250 --> 00:08:33.333 [Sloane] Excuse me! 195 00:08:33.458 --> 00:08:34.666 [woman] Come on, dude! 196 00:08:34.750 --> 00:08:35.916 Crocodile Dundee, 197 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:37.708 some of us have jobs. 198 00:08:37.791 --> 00:08:39.041 Dundee. Original. 199 00:08:39.875 --> 00:08:42.291 Hang on. What makes you think I don't have a job? 200 00:08:43.250 --> 00:08:45.125 You're at the mall on a Wednesday 201 00:08:45.208 --> 00:08:46.708 returning slacker pants. 202 00:08:46.791 --> 00:08:49.541 Uh... These happen to be khakis. 203 00:08:49.625 --> 00:08:52.500 [with thick Australian accent] Lots of employed people wear khaki pants. 204 00:08:52.583 --> 00:08:55.250 Hopefully, you mean khakis and still don't care. 205 00:08:55.708 --> 00:08:57.833 Hi, there. I just have a quick return. 206 00:08:57.916 --> 00:08:58.750 Hey! 207 00:08:58.833 --> 00:09:01.125 -Receipt? -They didn't come with a receipt. 208 00:09:01.208 --> 00:09:03.666 Just the assumption that I would be alone forever 209 00:09:03.750 --> 00:09:07.416 and, apparently, gorge myself into the size of a lumberjack. 210 00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:08.958 Nailed it. 211 00:09:09.041 --> 00:09:09.875 [chuckles] 212 00:09:10.500 --> 00:09:13.375 You know what? My Christmas already sucked. 213 00:09:13.458 --> 00:09:16.125 So, you can go "nail it" somewhere else. 214 00:09:16.208 --> 00:09:17.833 Uh, I need to go check on these. 215 00:09:17.916 --> 00:09:19.000 [indistinct chatter] 216 00:09:21.208 --> 00:09:24.916 I'll give you 40 bucks for those khakis, and a Fresh Pretzel, two-for-one. 217 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:27.666 This is like 80 bucks worth of pants. 218 00:09:27.750 --> 00:09:28.583 No deal. 219 00:09:32.833 --> 00:09:34.750 Hey, if it's any consolation, 220 00:09:35.291 --> 00:09:38.291 I spent my holiday in an ugly Christmas sweater, 221 00:09:38.791 --> 00:09:42.375 sipping mocktails with a room full of people who I think were in a cult. 222 00:09:43.541 --> 00:09:45.500 I'll see your ugly Christmas sweater, 223 00:09:45.583 --> 00:09:48.125 and raise you a seat at the kids table, 224 00:09:48.208 --> 00:09:49.958 my little brother getting engaged, 225 00:09:50.041 --> 00:09:52.958 and catching my aunt getting her cookie licked by a mall Santa. 226 00:09:53.041 --> 00:09:55.625 That's a... festive visual. 227 00:09:56.125 --> 00:09:58.125 Seared into my brain like a bad tattoo. 228 00:09:58.208 --> 00:09:59.541 I got a bad tattoo once. 229 00:10:04.125 --> 00:10:06.208 Is that... Matt Lauer? 230 00:10:06.791 --> 00:10:08.916 I was a really big fan of the Today Show. 231 00:10:10.083 --> 00:10:12.875 Sorry, these are from two seasons ago. 232 00:10:12.958 --> 00:10:15.375 I can offer you a store credit 233 00:10:15.458 --> 00:10:17.333 at the current sales price of... 234 00:10:17.916 --> 00:10:20.000 [gasps] $4.99! 235 00:10:20.083 --> 00:10:22.083 [mouthing] 236 00:10:22.291 --> 00:10:23.375 $4.99? 237 00:10:23.875 --> 00:10:26.333 Four dollars and ninety-nine cents. [scoffs] 238 00:10:26.416 --> 00:10:28.791 My sister has become so cheap since having kids. 239 00:10:28.875 --> 00:10:32.083 It'd be really cute if you cut off the legs, like capri pants. 240 00:10:34.458 --> 00:10:35.875 Fifty bucks for everything. 241 00:10:35.958 --> 00:10:37.708 -Hey! -Like you're making capri pants. 242 00:10:37.791 --> 00:10:38.958 I might. 243 00:10:39.166 --> 00:10:40.250 I have a crafty side. 244 00:10:40.333 --> 00:10:41.416 Okay. 245 00:10:41.500 --> 00:10:42.333 Forty. 246 00:10:42.791 --> 00:10:43.791 Forty-five! 247 00:10:44.375 --> 00:10:45.875 And the pretzels, two-for-one. 248 00:10:47.291 --> 00:10:49.291 -You don't want any? -I don't eat that crap. 249 00:10:49.375 --> 00:10:51.833 -Do you know what that does to your body? -Yeah. 250 00:10:52.166 --> 00:10:54.333 It fills me with warm, delicious happiness. 251 00:10:55.000 --> 00:10:58.166 Like Christmas used to, before I realized Santa was a big scam. 252 00:10:58.250 --> 00:10:59.083 [chuckles] Yeah. 253 00:10:59.333 --> 00:11:01.375 Christmas peaked for me at about ten. 254 00:11:01.458 --> 00:11:04.708 I got a surfboard and my first complete set of golf clubs. 255 00:11:04.791 --> 00:11:05.708 [Sloane] Hmm. 256 00:11:05.791 --> 00:11:07.458 -It was good. -My best Christmas... 257 00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:10.958 was a Barbie Dream House, preassembled, 258 00:11:11.750 --> 00:11:14.416 and a ventriloquist puppet named Lester. 259 00:11:15.083 --> 00:11:16.791 [Sloane] He looked like Jaleel White. 260 00:11:16.875 --> 00:11:17.708 Hmm? 261 00:11:18.208 --> 00:11:19.875 I sort of had a thing for Urkel. 262 00:11:19.958 --> 00:11:22.250 I spent months learning to throw my voice. 263 00:11:22.583 --> 00:11:24.291 -Well, come on, let's hear it. -No. 264 00:11:24.958 --> 00:11:26.916 Excuse me. I bought you a free pretzel. 265 00:11:27.000 --> 00:11:28.250 So, you owe me an Urkel. 266 00:11:29.666 --> 00:11:30.500 Come on. 267 00:11:31.291 --> 00:11:32.291 Come on. 268 00:11:32.375 --> 00:11:33.208 [clears throat] 269 00:11:34.083 --> 00:11:35.833 [in monotone voice] Did I do that? 270 00:11:37.375 --> 00:11:39.125 Did I do that? 271 00:11:39.208 --> 00:11:40.250 Nice. 272 00:11:40.958 --> 00:11:43.875 -What happened to Lester? -Oh, he sleeps with me every night. 273 00:11:43.958 --> 00:11:44.958 What? 274 00:11:45.583 --> 00:11:47.166 Hey, Sloane! 275 00:11:48.125 --> 00:11:50.291 Oh, God! Oh, God! 276 00:11:50.375 --> 00:11:52.750 Is that an ex-boyfriend of yours or something? 277 00:11:53.250 --> 00:11:55.958 No! That is the guy my aunt brought home for Christmas. 278 00:11:56.833 --> 00:11:58.083 That's the cookie licker? 279 00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:00.250 Tell your Aunt Susan to call me! 280 00:12:00.333 --> 00:12:02.000 [Sloane] He was her holidate. 281 00:12:02.083 --> 00:12:03.458 Wait. What's a holidate? 282 00:12:03.791 --> 00:12:06.333 Just some guy she picked up at the mall to spend Christmas with. 283 00:12:07.458 --> 00:12:09.958 Wait, just Christmas or all holidays? 284 00:12:10.041 --> 00:12:11.416 Easter, New Year's... 285 00:12:11.916 --> 00:12:14.000 She's an equal opportunity holi-dater. 286 00:12:14.416 --> 00:12:16.458 That's what I need for New Year's Eve. 287 00:12:16.541 --> 00:12:19.125 You can try, but this late in the game, he's probably booked. 288 00:12:19.208 --> 00:12:23.125 No. Seriously, I am done casually dating on the holidays. 289 00:12:23.208 --> 00:12:25.083 There's way too much pressure. It's ridiculous. 290 00:12:25.166 --> 00:12:27.750 I always end up being the asshole at the end of the day, anyway. 291 00:12:27.833 --> 00:12:31.083 Yeah? Well, try being the only single person left in your family. 292 00:12:31.166 --> 00:12:32.500 Every time I walk into a room, 293 00:12:32.583 --> 00:12:35.583 I'm showered in a sea of pity and sad glances. 294 00:12:35.666 --> 00:12:38.791 I mean, why is everyone so suspicious of a happy, single woman? 295 00:12:39.250 --> 00:12:40.750 Because you're obviously not happy. 296 00:12:40.875 --> 00:12:42.625 [chuckles] Yes, I am. 297 00:12:42.833 --> 00:12:44.083 Hmm ... Happy. 298 00:12:44.708 --> 00:12:45.541 No, you're not. 299 00:12:46.333 --> 00:12:49.208 Human beings aren't meant to be alone on the holidays. 300 00:12:49.750 --> 00:12:51.166 We actually need 301 00:12:51.583 --> 00:12:52.666 warmth, 302 00:12:53.208 --> 00:12:54.333 companionship, 303 00:12:55.166 --> 00:12:57.750 and someone to drunk-mock strangers with at parties. 304 00:12:58.666 --> 00:13:01.541 I do enjoy drunk-mocking strangers at parties. 305 00:13:02.125 --> 00:13:05.500 Well, then, this is perfect! We can be each other's holidate for New Year's Eve. 306 00:13:05.583 --> 00:13:07.333 [chuckles] I don't even know you, so... 307 00:13:07.416 --> 00:13:09.750 Yeah, well, that's what makes it perfect. 308 00:13:09.833 --> 00:13:12.791 'Cause there's no pressure. There's no expectations. 309 00:13:12.875 --> 00:13:16.000 I mean... I don't even think I find you that attractive. 310 00:13:17.041 --> 00:13:18.416 Wow! Calm down with the flattery. 311 00:13:18.500 --> 00:13:21.166 Not that you're not attractive. It's just that maybe... 312 00:13:21.583 --> 00:13:22.916 you're not that attractive to me. 313 00:13:24.583 --> 00:13:25.416 Goodbye! 314 00:13:26.833 --> 00:13:32.208 Okay, wait a second. You just said that you're tired of all the sad glances 315 00:13:32.291 --> 00:13:34.625 -and looking pathetic. -"Pity," not "pathetic." 316 00:13:34.708 --> 00:13:36.208 Okay, tomato, tomato. 317 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:38.958 I've got tickets to the Skyfall party. 318 00:13:39.041 --> 00:13:40.250 -Wait, really? -Yeah. 319 00:13:40.333 --> 00:13:41.666 That's such a fun party. 320 00:13:41.750 --> 00:13:43.833 -Oh, come on, then say yes. -Ugh! 321 00:13:43.916 --> 00:13:45.291 I just wanna go. 322 00:13:45.625 --> 00:13:47.625 I wanna relax, have a few drinks. 323 00:13:47.708 --> 00:13:49.416 Not worry about my date 324 00:13:49.500 --> 00:13:52.500 going batshit if I don't drop a knee at midnight. 325 00:13:54.250 --> 00:13:56.083 What makes you sure I'm not batshit? 326 00:13:56.750 --> 00:13:58.125 You had me at Lester. 327 00:14:00.166 --> 00:14:01.416 I'm Jackson, by the way. 328 00:14:01.875 --> 00:14:03.000 Sloane. 329 00:14:03.083 --> 00:14:04.833 Nice to meet you, Sloane. 330 00:14:04.916 --> 00:14:06.625 Here are my details. 331 00:14:07.625 --> 00:14:08.500 "Golf pro?" 332 00:14:09.541 --> 00:14:10.666 What's your real job? 333 00:14:10.750 --> 00:14:12.375 Just think about it and text me. 334 00:14:13.916 --> 00:14:15.541 Not texting you, Tiger Woods. 335 00:14:16.041 --> 00:14:18.125 -Think about it. -Not texting you! 336 00:14:18.208 --> 00:14:19.458 Just send me a text. 337 00:14:20.208 --> 00:14:21.958 [Sloane] Uh... I'm almost finished. 338 00:14:22.458 --> 00:14:25.708 We are right on target for queue three, and-- 339 00:14:25.791 --> 00:14:26.750 [computer ringing] 340 00:14:27.166 --> 00:14:28.041 [beeps] 341 00:14:28.125 --> 00:14:31.291 I'll have those numbers teed up first thing in the morning. 342 00:14:31.375 --> 00:14:32.916 [computer ringing] 343 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:34.083 I'm sorry. Can I... 344 00:14:34.708 --> 00:14:35.833 call you back? 345 00:14:36.333 --> 00:14:37.166 Yeah. 346 00:14:37.958 --> 00:14:39.375 Mom, I'm working! 347 00:14:39.750 --> 00:14:41.208 That's what you wear to work? 348 00:14:41.625 --> 00:14:43.541 You could at least put on a nice top. 349 00:14:44.041 --> 00:14:46.083 Honey, I want you to meet someone. 350 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:49.750 This my new neighbor, Faarooq. 351 00:14:50.208 --> 00:14:52.833 -[Faarooq] Hello. -Faarooq is a doctor, 352 00:14:52.916 --> 00:14:53.833 and he's single. 353 00:14:54.958 --> 00:14:57.083 She's much prettier with makeup. 354 00:14:57.166 --> 00:14:58.333 I'm wearing makeup! 355 00:14:58.708 --> 00:15:01.958 -Faarooq is free on New Year's-- -Goodbye, Mother. 356 00:15:02.041 --> 00:15:03.666 And so, I thought that-- 357 00:15:04.166 --> 00:15:05.375 [sighs deeply] 358 00:15:17.291 --> 00:15:19.458 [man chuckles] Almost got me on that one. No. 359 00:15:19.541 --> 00:15:21.041 Nope! Okay. 360 00:15:21.250 --> 00:15:22.541 Eh... nope. 361 00:15:22.833 --> 00:15:24.333 Maybe! 362 00:15:24.416 --> 00:15:25.416 No. 363 00:15:25.500 --> 00:15:27.041 Uh-uh. Mm. 364 00:15:27.541 --> 00:15:29.291 How do you say "no" in Italian? 365 00:15:29.375 --> 00:15:30.541 "No, grazie." 366 00:15:30.625 --> 00:15:31.666 [both chuckle] 367 00:15:32.041 --> 00:15:34.041 Nah. Oh. Oh! 368 00:15:34.125 --> 00:15:35.916 She is fine! 369 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:37.708 And she got a little baby goat! 370 00:15:37.791 --> 00:15:40.166 Didn't you hook up with her last month at the pro-am? 371 00:15:41.375 --> 00:15:42.208 Didn't you? 372 00:15:45.666 --> 00:15:47.958 Oh, I did! 373 00:15:48.041 --> 00:15:49.958 She must've left the goat at home. 374 00:15:50.041 --> 00:15:53.250 -I should give her a call-- -Why are you using my account anyway? 375 00:15:53.416 --> 00:15:54.458 Because I told you, 376 00:15:54.541 --> 00:15:57.708 I have some obsessive exes that just can't get rid of this. 377 00:15:57.791 --> 00:16:00.166 -Okay? -Know what the problem is with girls? 378 00:16:00.250 --> 00:16:02.250 They got these crazy eyes, right? 379 00:16:02.333 --> 00:16:05.500 They're real, and... I don't need a real girl. 380 00:16:06.583 --> 00:16:08.750 -I need a holidate. -You said a what-a-date? 381 00:16:08.833 --> 00:16:10.041 [phone ringing] 382 00:16:11.458 --> 00:16:12.500 Hello? 383 00:16:16.916 --> 00:16:18.750 I thought I said text me, not call me. 384 00:16:18.833 --> 00:16:20.750 What's "holidate"? 385 00:16:20.833 --> 00:16:22.750 Is that a new app I need to download? 386 00:16:23.125 --> 00:16:24.333 I cannot keep up. 387 00:16:24.875 --> 00:16:28.875 -[all cheering] -[dance music playing] 388 00:16:31.375 --> 00:16:33.375 I think the leather-vest-mate's up now. 389 00:16:33.458 --> 00:16:35.375 Oh, okay, he's an options trader. 390 00:16:35.458 --> 00:16:37.458 Divorced. Two kids at Northwestern. 391 00:16:37.958 --> 00:16:41.541 She was his decorator on the new condo, 392 00:16:41.625 --> 00:16:44.625 -hoping to be wife number three. -Very good. Very good. 393 00:16:46.083 --> 00:16:48.083 Ooh, uh, white satin ruffles. 394 00:16:48.166 --> 00:16:49.250 Rented tuxedo. 395 00:16:49.791 --> 00:16:51.500 He's just drenched in sweat. 396 00:16:51.583 --> 00:16:54.041 They are definitely getting engaged at midnight. 397 00:16:54.125 --> 00:16:55.291 [indistinct chatter] 398 00:16:55.791 --> 00:16:56.875 [Sloane] Wow. 399 00:16:57.833 --> 00:16:59.666 -You're good. -It's a gift. 400 00:17:01.250 --> 00:17:04.916 By the way, your tits look exceptional in that dress. 401 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:06.791 Thanks. That's why I bought it. 402 00:17:06.875 --> 00:17:09.041 [sighs] Love the way it hugs your ass, too. 403 00:17:09.541 --> 00:17:11.166 That's really sweet of you to notice. 404 00:17:11.250 --> 00:17:12.791 [chuckles] This is great. 405 00:17:12.875 --> 00:17:14.708 I love it. I just can say whatever I want 406 00:17:14.791 --> 00:17:17.000 'cause I don't care if you think I'm a classy guy or not. 407 00:17:17.083 --> 00:17:20.500 And I can wear a slutty dress and not worry about being slut-shamed. 408 00:17:20.583 --> 00:17:21.541 What a holidate bonus. 409 00:17:21.625 --> 00:17:22.458 [Sloane] Hmm. 410 00:17:24.458 --> 00:17:25.416 [Jackson] Ooh. 411 00:17:25.500 --> 00:17:28.750 Okay, so he is a sexually confused art student 412 00:17:29.208 --> 00:17:30.458 with mommy issues. 413 00:17:30.541 --> 00:17:31.833 And she's a wealthy widow 414 00:17:31.916 --> 00:17:34.083 with a taste for bondage. [mimics whipcrack] 415 00:17:34.166 --> 00:17:35.166 Aunt Susan? 416 00:17:35.250 --> 00:17:36.833 [gasps] Sloane! 417 00:17:36.916 --> 00:17:38.666 -Hi. -Hi. 418 00:17:38.750 --> 00:17:40.791 -Oh, baby. -Wow. 419 00:17:40.875 --> 00:17:43.666 -Your tits look great in that dress. -[Sloane chuckles] 420 00:17:43.750 --> 00:17:44.916 That's what I said. 421 00:17:45.375 --> 00:17:46.916 This is... Ronnie. 422 00:17:47.958 --> 00:17:48.791 Robert. 423 00:17:49.416 --> 00:17:50.416 -Hello. -Hi. 424 00:17:50.500 --> 00:17:51.916 We met at the Art Institute. 425 00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:55.041 I was a nude model for his figure sculpting class. 426 00:17:55.458 --> 00:17:57.875 He made me the most perfect clay clitoris. 427 00:17:58.416 --> 00:18:00.583 Like a butterfly taking flight. 428 00:18:01.583 --> 00:18:03.000 [sighs] You have to see it. 429 00:18:03.083 --> 00:18:04.375 Pass. Thanks. [chuckles] 430 00:18:04.458 --> 00:18:05.833 I'd love to see that. 431 00:18:06.291 --> 00:18:07.416 That can be arranged. 432 00:18:08.333 --> 00:18:10.666 Well, Happy New Year, you kids. Have fun. 433 00:18:12.166 --> 00:18:13.375 Come on, Francois. 434 00:18:13.916 --> 00:18:15.083 Your aunt seems nice. 435 00:18:15.375 --> 00:18:17.458 [sighs] I need a drink. 436 00:18:20.375 --> 00:18:22.791 There's just no way in hell her character would ever do that. 437 00:18:22.875 --> 00:18:24.125 Who cares? It was funny. 438 00:18:24.208 --> 00:18:26.000 Uh-uh. It was cockamamie. 439 00:18:26.583 --> 00:18:29.125 I'm sorry, no one uses that word anymore. 440 00:18:29.208 --> 00:18:31.083 [scoffs] Well, it's the only word I know 441 00:18:31.166 --> 00:18:34.083 that accurately describes every romantic comedy in history. 442 00:18:34.166 --> 00:18:37.250 There's always some fake reason the stars can't be together 443 00:18:37.333 --> 00:18:39.833 when you know they're gonna be together from the poster. 444 00:18:40.291 --> 00:18:42.041 It's like, "Oh, boo-hoo. 445 00:18:42.125 --> 00:18:43.750 I'm so heartbroken. 446 00:18:43.833 --> 00:18:45.541 Even though you're perfect for me, 447 00:18:45.625 --> 00:18:47.791 -I'm taking a break from dating." -[giggles] 448 00:18:47.875 --> 00:18:49.458 I mean, no one is ever... 449 00:18:50.541 --> 00:18:51.916 taking a break from dating! 450 00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:53.083 And let me tell you, 451 00:18:53.166 --> 00:18:54.875 if Ryan Gosling waltzed in here, 452 00:18:54.958 --> 00:18:58.166 picked me up, floated me around to the theme of Dirty Dancing, 453 00:18:58.250 --> 00:18:59.416 I'm not gonna be like, 454 00:18:59.500 --> 00:19:03.000 "Oh, hey, Ryan, buddy, bad timing. I'm taking a break from dating." 455 00:19:03.083 --> 00:19:05.916 [scoffs] I am jumping on that train. 456 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:07.625 The Ryan Gosling train. 457 00:19:07.708 --> 00:19:09.500 I'd jump on the Ryan Gosling train. 458 00:19:10.791 --> 00:19:14.041 So, who was this dickhead that ruined romantic comedies for you? 459 00:19:14.541 --> 00:19:17.583 -[chuckles] I'd rather not go there. -We're already here. 460 00:19:17.666 --> 00:19:18.541 [laughs] 461 00:19:18.625 --> 00:19:20.666 What's his name? Bill? 462 00:19:21.333 --> 00:19:22.166 Fred? 463 00:19:22.833 --> 00:19:23.708 Carlos? 464 00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:26.000 -Juan? -What? 465 00:19:26.083 --> 00:19:27.791 Bob? What? 466 00:19:29.250 --> 00:19:30.166 Luc. 467 00:19:31.250 --> 00:19:32.083 Luc? 468 00:19:32.166 --> 00:19:33.291 Luc. 469 00:19:33.375 --> 00:19:35.125 Oh, he sounds like a wanker. 470 00:19:35.208 --> 00:19:36.083 No. 471 00:19:36.541 --> 00:19:38.083 He was handsome, 472 00:19:38.166 --> 00:19:39.416 smart, 473 00:19:39.791 --> 00:19:41.375 -French. -[groans] 474 00:19:41.458 --> 00:19:44.500 He wore these sexy, little John Lennon glasses. 475 00:19:44.583 --> 00:19:46.750 -Ugh... -Did triathlons. 476 00:19:47.625 --> 00:19:49.000 Man, he had stamina. 477 00:19:49.375 --> 00:19:51.166 [scoffs] So, what happened? 478 00:19:51.458 --> 00:19:52.541 Hmm. 479 00:19:52.625 --> 00:19:54.875 Nothing much. We just wanted different things. 480 00:19:55.458 --> 00:19:57.791 I wanted someone to take home for the holidays, 481 00:19:57.875 --> 00:19:59.958 and he wanted to text photos of his cock 482 00:20:00.041 --> 00:20:02.916 to the girl that made his double macchiato, so... Ha! 483 00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:03.958 Ouch. 484 00:20:05.500 --> 00:20:07.500 [chuckles] Well, it was my fault. 485 00:20:07.583 --> 00:20:09.291 He was too hot to be trustworthy. 486 00:20:09.583 --> 00:20:12.041 "Always date down." That's what my sister says. 487 00:20:12.833 --> 00:20:13.833 I didn't listen. 488 00:20:14.583 --> 00:20:15.416 Hmm. 489 00:20:15.958 --> 00:20:17.000 I gotta pee. 490 00:20:22.416 --> 00:20:25.541 [woman] Oh, my God. It looks like I got stabbed. 491 00:20:25.625 --> 00:20:26.666 [woman 2] It's just wine. 492 00:20:26.750 --> 00:20:30.250 -I can't get engaged wearing this dress! -[woman] It's okay. It's not that bad. 493 00:20:30.333 --> 00:20:32.875 -Yeah. It kind of looks like a flower. -Right. 494 00:20:33.541 --> 00:20:35.166 A flower of blood. 495 00:20:35.250 --> 00:20:36.125 Oh... 496 00:20:37.291 --> 00:20:38.458 I'll trade with you. 497 00:20:40.125 --> 00:20:41.750 Oh, my God. 498 00:20:42.916 --> 00:20:43.791 I'm Carrie. 499 00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:46.583 Listen, he loves you. 500 00:20:46.666 --> 00:20:48.833 Okay? He's still gonna propose. 501 00:20:48.916 --> 00:20:52.458 All my life, I wanted to be proposed to on New Year's Eve. 502 00:20:53.125 --> 00:20:54.833 And now it's ruined. 503 00:20:54.916 --> 00:20:56.416 Let's just go. 504 00:20:59.041 --> 00:21:00.000 Hi. 505 00:21:00.083 --> 00:21:01.375 Oh, my God. 506 00:21:01.750 --> 00:21:04.166 You look so beautiful. 507 00:21:04.875 --> 00:21:05.958 [sobbing] 508 00:21:06.041 --> 00:21:08.041 [loud electronic music playing] 509 00:21:13.083 --> 00:21:14.333 [Sloane] Don't ask. 510 00:21:15.458 --> 00:21:16.541 Come on. 511 00:21:17.583 --> 00:21:20.208 ["Cant Get Enough" playing] 512 00:21:21.541 --> 00:21:24.041 ♪ I can't get enough I love it, love it, love it ♪ 513 00:21:24.666 --> 00:21:26.541 -♪ Let's keep it going ♪ -[whooping] 514 00:21:26.625 --> 00:21:29.083 ♪ I can't get enough I love it, love it, love it ♪ 515 00:21:30.458 --> 00:21:33.208 ♪ Oh-oh ooh-ooh I love it, love it, love it ♪ 516 00:21:33.291 --> 00:21:34.333 [Sloane squeals] 517 00:21:36.750 --> 00:21:38.750 -[Jackson] Woo-hoo! -[Sloane laughing] 518 00:21:40.083 --> 00:21:42.083 -[Sloane giggles] -Oh! 519 00:21:42.958 --> 00:21:44.416 [Sloane screams, laughs] 520 00:21:49.458 --> 00:21:52.041 ♪ I love it I can't get enough ♪ 521 00:21:52.583 --> 00:21:54.708 ♪ I love it I can't get enough ♪ 522 00:21:55.333 --> 00:21:58.500 ♪ Let's keep it going on I can't get enough ♪ 523 00:21:59.166 --> 00:22:00.625 -What? -Thank you! 524 00:22:00.708 --> 00:22:03.666 ["(I've Had) The time of my life" playing" 525 00:22:03.750 --> 00:22:06.416 ♪ ...Had the time of my life ♪ 526 00:22:07.250 --> 00:22:08.250 ♪ No, I've never... ♪ 527 00:22:08.333 --> 00:22:09.791 No! 528 00:22:09.875 --> 00:22:11.000 [squeals] 529 00:22:11.083 --> 00:22:13.291 Nobody puts Baby in a corner. 530 00:22:13.666 --> 00:22:15.333 ♪ It's the truth ♪ 531 00:22:16.250 --> 00:22:20.416 ♪ And I owe it all to you... ♪ 532 00:22:21.125 --> 00:22:23.208 [Jackson] All right, everyone, move back. 533 00:22:23.458 --> 00:22:25.250 ♪ So we take each other's hand ♪ 534 00:22:25.375 --> 00:22:30.541 ♪ 'Cause we seem to understand The urgency... ♪ 535 00:22:31.708 --> 00:22:32.958 [woman] Yes! Do it! 536 00:22:33.291 --> 00:22:35.375 ♪ You're the one thing... ♪ 537 00:22:35.458 --> 00:22:38.625 [crowd cheering, applauding] 538 00:22:42.166 --> 00:22:44.500 -[song continues playing] -[crowd shouting, chanting] 539 00:22:44.583 --> 00:22:48.333 [crowd] Go! Go! Go! 540 00:22:50.541 --> 00:22:53.708 ♪ So I'll tell you something... ♪ 541 00:22:55.791 --> 00:22:57.375 Oh, shit! 542 00:22:57.458 --> 00:22:59.166 ♪ Because ♪ 543 00:22:59.708 --> 00:23:03.625 ♪ I've had the time of my life ♪ 544 00:23:03.708 --> 00:23:04.625 [cloth ripping] 545 00:23:06.083 --> 00:23:07.166 Whoa... 546 00:23:07.875 --> 00:23:09.250 [woman] Boobs! Boobs! 547 00:23:09.333 --> 00:23:10.458 [screams] 548 00:23:10.541 --> 00:23:12.708 [music slowly fades out] 549 00:23:14.416 --> 00:23:16.166 [crowd groans, gasps] 550 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:18.250 [dance music playing in background] 551 00:23:20.166 --> 00:23:22.583 [sighs] Nobody drops Baby on her head. 552 00:23:25.333 --> 00:23:26.625 I'm gonna take a piss. 553 00:23:31.458 --> 00:23:33.041 [announcer] All right, y'all! 554 00:23:33.125 --> 00:23:35.458 Are y'all ready for a new year, Chicago? 555 00:23:35.541 --> 00:23:37.041 [crowd cheering] 556 00:23:37.291 --> 00:23:38.250 [announcer] Yeah! 557 00:23:38.333 --> 00:23:41.708 All right. Grab your sweethearts, and let's do this thing, baby! 558 00:23:41.791 --> 00:23:42.958 Come on, y'all! And... 559 00:23:43.041 --> 00:23:44.791 [announcer and crowd] Nine, eight, 560 00:23:44.875 --> 00:23:46.250 seven, six, 561 00:23:46.333 --> 00:23:48.250 five, four, 562 00:23:48.333 --> 00:23:49.916 three, two, 563 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:50.916 one! 564 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:55.125 Happy New Year, Chicago! 565 00:23:55.208 --> 00:24:00.041 ["Auld Lang Syne Crooner" playing] 566 00:24:07.583 --> 00:24:11.041 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪ 567 00:24:11.750 --> 00:24:13.791 ♪ And never brought to mind? ♪ 568 00:24:13.875 --> 00:24:15.083 Will you marry me? 569 00:24:15.166 --> 00:24:17.500 [woman] Oh, my God. Yes! Yes! Yes! 570 00:24:18.208 --> 00:24:19.958 I love you! I love you! I love you! 571 00:24:22.625 --> 00:24:25.875 ♪ For auld lang syne, my friend ♪ 572 00:24:26.291 --> 00:24:28.750 ♪ For auld lang syne... ♪ 573 00:24:28.833 --> 00:24:29.666 [sighs] 574 00:24:29.750 --> 00:24:32.208 ♪ We'll take a cup of kindness... ♪ 575 00:24:32.291 --> 00:24:33.250 Shit. 576 00:24:33.541 --> 00:24:34.583 Sorry. 577 00:24:36.541 --> 00:24:38.291 -Happy New Year. -Happy New Year. 578 00:24:44.500 --> 00:24:47.916 ♪ And there's a hand, my trusty friend ♪ 579 00:24:48.833 --> 00:24:51.083 ♪ And give me a hand o' thine ♪ 580 00:24:51.750 --> 00:24:55.000 ♪ We'll take a right At gude-willy waught ♪ 581 00:24:55.791 --> 00:24:57.875 ♪ For auld lang syne ♪ 582 00:25:03.708 --> 00:25:05.208 You know, tonight didn't suck. 583 00:25:05.583 --> 00:25:07.583 I actually had a fairly decent time. 584 00:25:07.666 --> 00:25:08.500 Yeah. 585 00:25:08.583 --> 00:25:11.000 I mean, not the worst night of my life. [chuckles] 586 00:25:11.708 --> 00:25:13.208 What are you doing for Valentine's? 587 00:25:13.875 --> 00:25:15.666 That's in two months. 588 00:25:15.750 --> 00:25:17.833 Yeah, I know, but if I lock in plans now, 589 00:25:17.916 --> 00:25:20.041 then maybe I won't end up doing anything stupid. 590 00:25:20.458 --> 00:25:23.125 Hmm. Flattered, but two months is a long time. 591 00:25:23.208 --> 00:25:25.708 You know, a lot could happen before then. 592 00:25:26.333 --> 00:25:27.166 Sure. 593 00:25:28.375 --> 00:25:31.000 And if not, I have a standing date at a candy store. 594 00:25:31.083 --> 00:25:32.458 So, I'm good. 595 00:25:33.708 --> 00:25:35.416 [Jackson] Hmm, okay. 596 00:25:35.583 --> 00:25:36.416 Sure. 597 00:25:37.125 --> 00:25:38.250 Good night then. 598 00:25:38.833 --> 00:25:39.666 Happy New Year. 599 00:25:40.458 --> 00:25:41.416 Happy New Year. 600 00:25:52.416 --> 00:25:55.500 [Liz] What do you mean, you don't have a date for Valentine's Day? 601 00:25:55.583 --> 00:25:57.958 Don't say it like I just told you I have cancer. 602 00:25:58.750 --> 00:26:00.000 But it's Valentine's Day. 603 00:26:00.083 --> 00:26:02.166 No, it's Thursday. 604 00:26:02.500 --> 00:26:04.875 And I'm gonna take a long, hot bath, 605 00:26:05.250 --> 00:26:06.666 pop a bottle of pinot, 606 00:26:06.750 --> 00:26:09.791 treat myself to a few pounds of chocolate, and who knows, 607 00:26:09.875 --> 00:26:11.583 might even watch a little porn. 608 00:26:11.666 --> 00:26:14.291 [whispering] You can't watch porn on Valentine's Day! 609 00:26:14.375 --> 00:26:17.208 You should especially watch porn on Valentine's Day. 610 00:26:17.625 --> 00:26:20.791 Ugh! So, what is that cute doctor? What's his name, Faarooq? 611 00:26:21.208 --> 00:26:23.416 -[Liz] You should call him. -Forget it. 612 00:26:23.500 --> 00:26:26.250 I'm not dating someone my mother sets me up with. 613 00:26:26.333 --> 00:26:28.916 What about the mall guy? You had fun on New Year's. 614 00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:30.791 Yeah, but it was a one-time thing. 615 00:26:31.083 --> 00:26:32.625 He wasn't attracted to me. 616 00:26:32.958 --> 00:26:34.208 -He said that? -Yep. 617 00:26:34.875 --> 00:26:35.750 Ick. 618 00:26:36.083 --> 00:26:37.500 Were you attracted to him? 619 00:26:37.583 --> 00:26:38.958 Uh, No. 620 00:26:39.041 --> 00:26:40.500 He can't even speak English. 621 00:26:40.583 --> 00:26:42.541 You should hear him say "khaki." 622 00:26:42.625 --> 00:26:44.708 [mimics Australian accent] He says it like, "khakis." 623 00:26:44.791 --> 00:26:45.833 [Abby laughs] 624 00:26:47.541 --> 00:26:49.666 Look, I'm perfectly happy being single. 625 00:26:49.750 --> 00:26:51.750 I get to do what I want when I want, 626 00:26:51.833 --> 00:26:54.333 and I don't have to deal with the stress of shaving 627 00:26:54.416 --> 00:26:56.916 and plucking and waxing. 628 00:26:57.000 --> 00:26:59.083 Ugh, best thing about marriage, no more waxing. 629 00:26:59.541 --> 00:27:02.458 Okay. Well, what about the wedding? You can't be alone at the wedding. 630 00:27:02.541 --> 00:27:04.541 The wedding's in eight months. 631 00:27:04.625 --> 00:27:06.583 And you're already letting yourself go. 632 00:27:07.541 --> 00:27:09.708 Everyone needs to mind their own business. 633 00:27:09.791 --> 00:27:12.291 My romantic status and personal hygiene 634 00:27:12.375 --> 00:27:14.000 are completely under control. 635 00:27:14.083 --> 00:27:15.416 Now, if you'll excuse me, 636 00:27:15.500 --> 00:27:17.791 I have an obscene amount of candy to buy. 637 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:22.416 I bet Rodney's still available. 638 00:27:22.500 --> 00:27:24.166 -Oh, God. Please text him. -Okay. 639 00:27:26.333 --> 00:27:29.458 [gasps] Ooh. Mmm. 640 00:27:31.375 --> 00:27:33.291 [grunts, gasps] 641 00:27:33.375 --> 00:27:34.291 Sloane? 642 00:27:36.500 --> 00:27:37.333 Luc? 643 00:27:39.625 --> 00:27:40.875 My God. 644 00:27:40.958 --> 00:27:42.416 How are you? [chuckles] 645 00:27:43.250 --> 00:27:44.083 What is-- 646 00:27:44.583 --> 00:27:45.916 Baby, taste this. 647 00:27:48.458 --> 00:27:50.791 -How amazing. -[Luc] Hmm. Yeah. 648 00:27:50.875 --> 00:27:53.458 My tongue is having a major orgasm right now. 649 00:27:53.541 --> 00:27:54.500 [both chuckle] 650 00:27:55.875 --> 00:27:57.625 Do these come in any other flavors? 651 00:27:58.208 --> 00:27:59.875 Oh, I-- I don't work here. 652 00:27:59.958 --> 00:28:03.041 Sorry. I thought you were stocking the shelves or something. 653 00:28:03.125 --> 00:28:04.083 [laughs] 654 00:28:04.500 --> 00:28:05.375 No. 655 00:28:05.750 --> 00:28:07.166 -I'm not. -[Luc] Oh, no. No. 656 00:28:07.625 --> 00:28:09.000 Darling, this is Sloane. 657 00:28:09.416 --> 00:28:11.958 We were lovers for a few months. 658 00:28:12.875 --> 00:28:15.708 Oh, lucky you. 659 00:28:15.791 --> 00:28:17.583 Isn't he amazing in bed? 660 00:28:17.666 --> 00:28:21.041 He's like the Terminator, only I'm the one who never stops coming. 661 00:28:21.375 --> 00:28:22.208 Um... 662 00:28:23.041 --> 00:28:23.958 Hey, love muffin! 663 00:28:24.041 --> 00:28:27.750 I thought you were gonna meet me in Brookstone and try out those massagers. 664 00:28:27.833 --> 00:28:29.166 Good day, I'm Jackson. 665 00:28:29.250 --> 00:28:32.500 I'm Sloane's little boy toy of the moment, you know? 666 00:28:32.583 --> 00:28:34.750 I'm just trying to nail her down long-term, 667 00:28:34.833 --> 00:28:37.583 but you know, she's such a strong and independent woman. 668 00:28:38.041 --> 00:28:40.916 -Stop this. Stop. Stop. it. -Fingers crossed. 669 00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:42.291 I'm Luc, and, uh... 670 00:28:43.041 --> 00:28:44.166 this is Felicity. 671 00:28:44.625 --> 00:28:45.458 Wow. 672 00:28:45.750 --> 00:28:48.250 So, you two are just beautiful. 673 00:28:48.333 --> 00:28:49.791 -Mm-hmm. -I mean-- 674 00:28:49.875 --> 00:28:50.708 Wow. 675 00:28:50.791 --> 00:28:52.166 Thank you. [chuckles] 676 00:28:54.666 --> 00:28:55.833 Are we done here, babe? 677 00:28:55.916 --> 00:28:59.750 Because I had some big plans for you 678 00:28:59.833 --> 00:29:02.416 in Victoria's Secret. 679 00:29:02.541 --> 00:29:04.000 [both chuckle] 680 00:29:04.083 --> 00:29:05.916 -Shall we go? Gonna get the thing. -Yeah. 681 00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:07.333 -Yeah. -Perfect. Okay. 682 00:29:07.416 --> 00:29:09.625 Lovely to meet you. Seriously, all the best. 683 00:29:09.708 --> 00:29:11.500 -Thank you. Bye, Felicia. -Good to see you. 684 00:29:11.583 --> 00:29:12.791 It's Felicity. 685 00:29:13.125 --> 00:29:15.416 -[Sloane] I'm gonna be sick. -[Jackson] Just breathe. 686 00:29:17.958 --> 00:29:19.666 -[groans] -Hey, here. Some tissues. 687 00:29:20.625 --> 00:29:22.250 -[moans] -Now drink this. 688 00:29:22.500 --> 00:29:24.500 [pants and slurps] 689 00:29:25.166 --> 00:29:27.125 Ugh, now I'm for sure gonna be sick. 690 00:29:27.416 --> 00:29:29.750 It's green juice. It's good for you. 691 00:29:30.083 --> 00:29:33.541 You know, the human body is capable of living to about 120 years 692 00:29:33.625 --> 00:29:35.083 if you take care of it. 693 00:29:35.166 --> 00:29:36.541 Who cares? 694 00:29:36.625 --> 00:29:38.375 It's all downhill after 40. 695 00:29:38.458 --> 00:29:41.000 Who wants an extra 80 years of the worst part of life? 696 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:44.125 Well, if you got a Felicity in your life... 697 00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:47.125 Sorry, that was a low blow. 698 00:29:47.958 --> 00:29:51.375 Why does the next girlfriend always have to be younger and hotter? 699 00:29:51.458 --> 00:29:53.375 Is it like some kind of unwritten law? 700 00:29:53.458 --> 00:29:56.333 Well, you know, normally, the younger and hotter the girl, 701 00:29:56.416 --> 00:29:58.458 the less chance of commitment, so... 702 00:29:59.125 --> 00:30:01.000 in a way, it's actually a compliment. 703 00:30:03.041 --> 00:30:04.250 Wait, that's it. 704 00:30:04.541 --> 00:30:07.458 He's afraid. Dating Felicity is a cry for help. 705 00:30:08.166 --> 00:30:09.208 What, are you drunk? 706 00:30:09.291 --> 00:30:10.958 [sighs] Maybe a little. 707 00:30:11.041 --> 00:30:13.500 Those bourbon truffles are stronger than I thou-- 708 00:30:15.166 --> 00:30:16.041 I took this. 709 00:30:16.458 --> 00:30:17.458 I stole it! 710 00:30:17.541 --> 00:30:19.458 Well, I'm not going back there, so... 711 00:30:19.875 --> 00:30:21.708 we may as well destroy the evidence. 712 00:30:22.708 --> 00:30:25.791 Uh... no, I don't eat that crap. I'm a professional athlete. 713 00:30:25.875 --> 00:30:26.875 [scoffs] 714 00:30:26.958 --> 00:30:28.166 Seriously? 715 00:30:28.458 --> 00:30:30.833 Golf is the least athletic sport on the planet. 716 00:30:30.916 --> 00:30:34.333 I'll have you know that golf requires more precise muscle control 717 00:30:34.416 --> 00:30:36.125 and hand-eye coordination 718 00:30:36.208 --> 00:30:38.500 than football and basketball combined. 719 00:30:38.958 --> 00:30:39.875 Maybe. 720 00:30:39.958 --> 00:30:43.291 But LeBron doesn't need a tiny car to take him up and down the court. 721 00:30:43.375 --> 00:30:44.708 [chuckles] 722 00:30:44.791 --> 00:30:46.875 Come on. Don't be such a pussy. 723 00:30:46.958 --> 00:30:48.750 It's weird when girls say "pussy." 724 00:30:49.208 --> 00:30:51.791 Oh, my God, you really are a pussy. 725 00:30:52.291 --> 00:30:54.375 Well, if I wasn't such a pussy, 726 00:30:54.458 --> 00:30:56.208 you'd be stuck in a candy store 727 00:30:56.291 --> 00:30:59.458 talking to your ex-boyfriend and his smoking hot new girlfriend. 728 00:31:00.125 --> 00:31:02.541 So, you're welcome, by the way. 729 00:31:05.750 --> 00:31:06.708 You're right. 730 00:31:07.083 --> 00:31:08.500 -Thank you. -Hmm. 731 00:31:10.458 --> 00:31:11.291 I owe you. 732 00:31:11.375 --> 00:31:12.458 That's better. 733 00:31:12.541 --> 00:31:13.375 [Sloane sighs] 734 00:31:13.458 --> 00:31:16.875 Now, I'll take my hand job in the parking lot. Thank you. 735 00:31:17.291 --> 00:31:19.541 Oh, a hand job. 736 00:31:20.791 --> 00:31:21.958 What are you, like, 12? 737 00:31:22.250 --> 00:31:23.500 You gave hand jobs at 12? 738 00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:25.125 I developed early. 739 00:31:25.875 --> 00:31:27.625 [Jackson] Oh, my God, it's so good. 740 00:31:27.708 --> 00:31:29.541 [Sloane] Is that enough or do you want more? 741 00:31:29.625 --> 00:31:30.458 [Jackson] More. 742 00:31:30.541 --> 00:31:33.375 -[Sloane] Stop moving. I'm almost done. -[Jackson] This chocolate is good. 743 00:31:33.458 --> 00:31:35.125 Oh, my God, you were not kidding. 744 00:31:35.208 --> 00:31:36.750 -Hold on, hold on. -Shit! 745 00:31:37.083 --> 00:31:39.750 -Shit, it's all over my pants. -You have baby wipes? 746 00:31:39.833 --> 00:31:42.458 Um, yeah, in my glove box next to the diapers. 747 00:31:42.541 --> 00:31:44.625 [chuckles] Oh, my God, you're a bad influence. 748 00:31:44.708 --> 00:31:45.666 No, I'm not. 749 00:31:46.083 --> 00:31:47.000 [moans] 750 00:31:47.083 --> 00:31:49.333 -Do you want a cigarette? -You smoke? 751 00:31:50.750 --> 00:31:51.833 No. 752 00:31:51.916 --> 00:31:53.958 Not really, just, like, sometimes. 753 00:31:54.541 --> 00:31:56.458 A little tobacco never killed anybody. 754 00:31:56.541 --> 00:31:57.833 Mm, pretty sure it has. 755 00:31:57.916 --> 00:31:59.500 [tires screeching in distance] 756 00:31:59.583 --> 00:32:02.791 Look, I get it, okay? It sucks running into your boyfriend 757 00:32:02.875 --> 00:32:05.458 on Valentine's Day, in a candy store, wearing pajamas. 758 00:32:05.541 --> 00:32:07.958 Ex-boyfriend, and these are not pajamas. 759 00:32:08.041 --> 00:32:09.458 They're lounge pants. 760 00:32:09.541 --> 00:32:10.458 Hmm. 761 00:32:11.375 --> 00:32:14.250 Believe it or not, this isn't the worst Valentine's Day of my life. 762 00:32:15.041 --> 00:32:16.583 Why didn't you just call me? 763 00:32:16.666 --> 00:32:18.041 I don't know. 764 00:32:18.125 --> 00:32:20.166 I guess I was just embarrassed to admit 765 00:32:20.250 --> 00:32:22.375 that nothing had changed since New Year's. 766 00:32:22.458 --> 00:32:24.625 Isn't that the point of this holidate thing 767 00:32:24.708 --> 00:32:28.125 that we get to avoid this stupid pressure and all the judgment? 768 00:32:28.208 --> 00:32:30.250 Look, whatever. At least the biggies are behind us. 769 00:32:30.666 --> 00:32:33.041 I mean, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day. 770 00:32:33.125 --> 00:32:35.666 Yeah, but I'm telling you, the small ones are just as risky. 771 00:32:35.750 --> 00:32:37.166 I once spent an Earth Day 772 00:32:37.250 --> 00:32:39.666 chained to a tree with a chick from Greenpeace. 773 00:32:40.083 --> 00:32:42.125 It was the longest ten days of my life. 774 00:32:42.583 --> 00:32:43.416 [sighs] 775 00:32:44.875 --> 00:32:47.250 It would be nice to bring someone home for Easter. 776 00:32:47.958 --> 00:32:49.333 So, let's make it official. 777 00:32:49.416 --> 00:32:51.125 Holidates until further notice? 778 00:32:52.041 --> 00:32:52.958 What about sex? 779 00:32:53.041 --> 00:32:54.708 Will Lester be joining us? 780 00:32:54.791 --> 00:32:57.333 No, I'm serious. Friends with benefits never works. 781 00:32:57.416 --> 00:32:59.875 Yeah, but that's only because you girls get clingy 782 00:32:59.958 --> 00:33:01.291 and always want more. 783 00:33:01.750 --> 00:33:03.208 -Us? -Well, yeah. 784 00:33:03.291 --> 00:33:04.416 It's not your fault. 785 00:33:04.500 --> 00:33:07.583 Women are hardwired to attach and procreate. 786 00:33:07.666 --> 00:33:09.833 And men are hardwired to panic and flee. 787 00:33:09.916 --> 00:33:11.458 Okay, fine. So, we agree. 788 00:33:11.791 --> 00:33:13.791 Non-sexual holidates from now on. 789 00:33:17.958 --> 00:33:18.916 [scoffs] 790 00:33:19.000 --> 00:33:19.833 Now... 791 00:33:20.416 --> 00:33:21.458 coconut cluster. 792 00:33:21.791 --> 00:33:23.750 -Hmm? Now... -Oh! 793 00:33:23.833 --> 00:33:25.708 [both cheer and laugh] 794 00:33:25.791 --> 00:33:27.083 ["Smash the Windows" playing] 795 00:33:27.166 --> 00:33:28.166 ♪ Smash them up ♪ 796 00:33:28.250 --> 00:33:30.541 ♪ Smash the windows Smash them up... ♪ 797 00:33:30.625 --> 00:33:32.250 [crowd] Slainte! Slainte! 798 00:33:36.458 --> 00:33:39.416 [grunts] I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. 799 00:33:39.500 --> 00:33:41.000 [man] I can! I can, I can! 800 00:33:41.083 --> 00:33:42.708 All right. Here we go. 801 00:33:42.791 --> 00:33:46.208 [all cheering] 802 00:33:46.291 --> 00:33:49.375 [crowd] Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! 803 00:33:52.583 --> 00:33:53.833 [crowd gasps] 804 00:33:53.916 --> 00:33:54.833 York? 805 00:33:55.500 --> 00:33:57.041 Holy shit! No way. 806 00:33:58.000 --> 00:33:59.583 [Jackson] Dude! What the fuck? 807 00:33:59.666 --> 00:34:01.291 -How are you, mate? Hello! -[York] Hello! 808 00:34:01.375 --> 00:34:03.291 Wait, you guys know each other? 809 00:34:03.375 --> 00:34:05.208 Wait, you guys know each other? 810 00:34:05.708 --> 00:34:07.291 Yeah, that’s my little brother. 811 00:34:07.375 --> 00:34:10.250 Jack's been giving me golf lessons for over a year now. 812 00:34:10.333 --> 00:34:11.208 [Liz] You play golf? 813 00:34:11.291 --> 00:34:13.750 -Only since you've known me. -[Liz chuckles] 814 00:34:13.875 --> 00:34:16.208 All right. Jackson, meet my fiance Liz. 815 00:34:16.291 --> 00:34:17.916 -Hi. -It's still Liz, right? 816 00:34:18.375 --> 00:34:20.208 -And my sister, Abby. -Hi. 817 00:34:20.291 --> 00:34:22.166 -Her invisible husband, Peter. -Hi. Hi. 818 00:34:22.250 --> 00:34:24.000 -Where is Peter? -Nice to meet you. 819 00:34:24.083 --> 00:34:27.416 He doesn't trust the kids with a sitter. I keep saying it's fine. 820 00:34:27.500 --> 00:34:29.291 A two-year-old can dial 911. 821 00:34:29.875 --> 00:34:31.458 -Uh... -I'm joking. 822 00:34:31.541 --> 00:34:32.541 [both chuckle] 823 00:34:32.625 --> 00:34:34.708 But the six-year-old is more than capable. 824 00:34:34.791 --> 00:34:36.916 Ignore my sister. She has four kids. 825 00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:37.833 -Oh! -Ah! 826 00:34:37.916 --> 00:34:39.875 Oh, God, I have four kids. Jesus! 827 00:34:39.958 --> 00:34:41.583 It sounds like you need a drink. 828 00:34:41.666 --> 00:34:43.750 -Many. -That is a two-man job. 829 00:34:43.833 --> 00:34:45.291 And me. Drink. 830 00:34:46.291 --> 00:34:47.458 Ooh... 831 00:34:48.375 --> 00:34:49.958 Is that the guy from the mall? 832 00:34:50.041 --> 00:34:51.250 -Yeah. -'Cause he's cute. 833 00:34:51.333 --> 00:34:53.125 -Really? -So, wait. What's the deal? 834 00:34:53.208 --> 00:34:55.333 It's like friends with benefits? 835 00:34:55.416 --> 00:34:56.541 No. No benefits. 836 00:34:56.625 --> 00:34:58.000 We're hardly even friends. 837 00:34:58.083 --> 00:35:00.208 We never talk. It's strictly holidays. 838 00:35:00.291 --> 00:35:01.500 So, what's the point? 839 00:35:01.916 --> 00:35:05.041 Uh... the point is that I'm here with someone. 840 00:35:05.125 --> 00:35:06.416 I'm having fun. 841 00:35:06.875 --> 00:35:08.791 You're not parading me around the bar 842 00:35:08.875 --> 00:35:11.458 and forcing my number on anything with a Y chromosome. 843 00:35:11.541 --> 00:35:12.833 Speaking of that... 844 00:35:13.166 --> 00:35:14.958 uh, if you get a strange text, 845 00:35:15.041 --> 00:35:16.625 -his name is Leroy. -Oh, please. 846 00:35:16.708 --> 00:35:17.750 He's a bouncer. 847 00:35:18.291 --> 00:35:19.875 Did you guys know York golfed? 848 00:35:20.791 --> 00:35:21.625 [both] Yes. 849 00:35:24.500 --> 00:35:27.000 ["Move Bitch" playing] 850 00:35:27.500 --> 00:35:30.041 ♪ And you about to get ran the fuck over ♪ 851 00:35:30.125 --> 00:35:32.416 ♪ Move bitch, get out the way ♪ 852 00:35:32.500 --> 00:35:35.250 ♪ Get out the way bitch Get out the way ♪ 853 00:35:35.333 --> 00:35:37.916 ♪ Move bitch, get out the way ♪ 854 00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:40.708 ♪ Get out the way bitch Get out the way ♪ 855 00:35:40.791 --> 00:35:42.916 ♪ Move bitch, get out the way... ♪ 856 00:35:43.333 --> 00:35:44.708 [Sloane] In honor of Easter, 857 00:35:44.791 --> 00:35:46.500 Jackson will enjoy his first taste 858 00:35:46.583 --> 00:35:49.833 -of blue dye number seven. -No! They've done experiments on those. 859 00:35:49.916 --> 00:35:52.333 They don't decompose after ten years in the sun. 860 00:35:52.416 --> 00:35:53.583 -Really? -Yeah. 861 00:35:53.666 --> 00:35:55.166 So, it's like anti-aging. 862 00:35:55.250 --> 00:35:56.083 Hmm. 863 00:35:56.625 --> 00:35:58.375 Hoppy Easter, my little bunnies. 864 00:35:59.291 --> 00:36:00.375 This is Jesús. 865 00:36:00.458 --> 00:36:03.708 -I see what you did there. -What in God's name are you wearing? 866 00:36:04.333 --> 00:36:05.208 Bunny ears. 867 00:36:05.291 --> 00:36:09.208 This is an Easter brunch. This is not the time for a silly costume. 868 00:36:09.291 --> 00:36:11.458 Hop-hop-hop... 869 00:36:12.083 --> 00:36:14.125 Looks like someone else didn't get the memo. 870 00:36:14.541 --> 00:36:15.750 [bunny chuckles] 871 00:36:17.041 --> 00:36:18.750 Oh, Faarooq. 872 00:36:19.166 --> 00:36:21.000 I'm so glad you could make it. 873 00:36:21.083 --> 00:36:22.583 Thank you. I'm sorry I'm late. 874 00:36:22.666 --> 00:36:23.916 I was doing rounds 875 00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:25.666 for the kids in the cancer ward. 876 00:36:25.750 --> 00:36:26.833 [both] Aw! 877 00:36:26.916 --> 00:36:28.500 I like a man in fur. 878 00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:29.875 Thank you. 879 00:36:30.250 --> 00:36:32.875 You remember my daughter, Sloane? 880 00:36:33.416 --> 00:36:34.458 Hi, of course. 881 00:36:34.833 --> 00:36:36.333 You're even prettier in person. 882 00:36:36.416 --> 00:36:38.125 [chuckles] Oh, thank you. 883 00:36:38.208 --> 00:36:40.583 -Hey, I'm Jackson. Nice to meet you. -Hey. 884 00:36:40.666 --> 00:36:42.750 -Dig the bunny suit. -I'm sorry, Faarooq. 885 00:36:43.291 --> 00:36:45.583 We weren't expecting Sloane to bring a guest. 886 00:36:45.666 --> 00:36:46.791 Really? 887 00:36:46.875 --> 00:36:48.625 Because I explicitly said 888 00:36:48.708 --> 00:36:49.958 I was bringing a guest. 889 00:36:50.041 --> 00:36:51.666 [mouths] What is wrong with you? 890 00:36:52.791 --> 00:36:54.000 [mouths] What are you-- 891 00:36:55.750 --> 00:36:57.625 -I'll just go say hi to the kids. -Hmm. 892 00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:01.083 You see what you did? 893 00:37:01.166 --> 00:37:04.083 -Now, he thinks you're not interested. -I'm not interested. 894 00:37:04.166 --> 00:37:07.458 I can't believe you're trying to set me up on Easter with a bunny. 895 00:37:07.541 --> 00:37:09.500 That's because I care about you. 896 00:37:09.583 --> 00:37:12.333 I want you to find someone who has real potential. 897 00:37:13.375 --> 00:37:16.916 -Not this holidate crap like your aunt. -[Susan chuckles] 898 00:37:17.916 --> 00:37:19.833 She seems like she's having fun. 899 00:37:20.833 --> 00:37:21.958 [cheers] 900 00:37:22.041 --> 00:37:24.166 -[Susan] Score! -She's gonna die alone 901 00:37:24.250 --> 00:37:26.250 in a wheelchair and a diaper. 902 00:37:26.333 --> 00:37:28.250 -[Susan laughing] -Is that what you want? 903 00:37:29.833 --> 00:37:31.708 Do I get a male nurse? 904 00:37:31.791 --> 00:37:33.041 [Susan continues laughing] 905 00:37:35.125 --> 00:37:38.125 So, Daisy, how are things with Levi, the juice box king? 906 00:37:38.458 --> 00:37:39.500 We broke up. 907 00:37:39.833 --> 00:37:41.458 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 908 00:37:41.541 --> 00:37:42.583 It's okay. 909 00:37:42.666 --> 00:37:45.041 He wasn't ready for a real relationship. 910 00:37:45.125 --> 00:37:47.333 I need someone who's going to put me first. 911 00:37:47.916 --> 00:37:48.750 Gotta go. 912 00:37:50.583 --> 00:37:51.500 Wow. 913 00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:54.291 -She is in such great shape. -Hmm. 914 00:37:57.458 --> 00:37:58.375 You know... 915 00:37:59.041 --> 00:38:00.333 the bunny doctor 916 00:38:00.416 --> 00:38:01.458 seems nice. 917 00:38:02.375 --> 00:38:04.375 -Maybe you should go for it? -[Sloane] Really? 918 00:38:04.875 --> 00:38:05.833 Full head of hair. 919 00:38:06.666 --> 00:38:08.375 -Doctor. -[Sloane chuckles] 920 00:38:08.458 --> 00:38:10.708 [Jackson] Obviously, great with kids. It's... 921 00:38:11.458 --> 00:38:12.833 every girl's dream, right? 922 00:38:13.875 --> 00:38:14.875 I don't know. 923 00:38:14.958 --> 00:38:15.833 Maybe? 924 00:38:17.083 --> 00:38:18.083 Plus, I'm-- 925 00:38:18.750 --> 00:38:20.375 -I'm not ready. -What's it been? 926 00:38:20.958 --> 00:38:22.208 Almost a year? 927 00:38:22.291 --> 00:38:23.250 So? 928 00:38:23.333 --> 00:38:26.541 Women process heartbreak differently. We need time. 929 00:38:26.625 --> 00:38:28.166 You just dump us and move on. 930 00:38:28.250 --> 00:38:29.916 Hey, women can be just as brutal. 931 00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:30.833 Trust me. 932 00:38:30.916 --> 00:38:32.125 I know plenty of blokes 933 00:38:32.208 --> 00:38:35.583 who've had their hearts crushed by some chick who pretended to care about him. 934 00:38:36.166 --> 00:38:37.916 Pretended she liked his friends 935 00:38:38.000 --> 00:38:40.041 and was into his hobbies, 936 00:38:40.125 --> 00:38:41.458 like cricket 937 00:38:41.541 --> 00:38:44.041 and... backgammon. 938 00:38:44.791 --> 00:38:46.208 And even went so far 939 00:38:46.291 --> 00:38:48.708 as to put all this girlie stuff in his bathroom, 940 00:38:48.791 --> 00:38:51.000 and hide bobby pins in the strangest places. 941 00:38:51.666 --> 00:38:53.833 You know, maybe they even started exploring 942 00:38:53.916 --> 00:38:55.458 couple of certain sexual doors 943 00:38:55.541 --> 00:38:57.458 that they've never explored before. 944 00:38:59.250 --> 00:39:02.000 And then one day, without warning, 945 00:39:02.708 --> 00:39:05.958 the bathroom's cleared out, and she's changed her phone number, 946 00:39:06.041 --> 00:39:08.791 and she snuck out of my place with a panini maker. 947 00:39:11.250 --> 00:39:12.583 A fucking panini maker. 948 00:39:14.041 --> 00:39:14.875 Well... 949 00:39:16.083 --> 00:39:17.541 panini makers are expensive. 950 00:39:17.625 --> 00:39:18.458 Oh, I know. 951 00:39:19.041 --> 00:39:20.250 I paid for it. 952 00:39:25.125 --> 00:39:26.500 So, uh... 953 00:39:27.250 --> 00:39:29.541 what kind of sexual doors are we talking? 954 00:39:29.625 --> 00:39:31.333 -Really? -What? You brought it up. 955 00:39:31.416 --> 00:39:32.666 Now, I'm curious. 956 00:39:33.833 --> 00:39:36.500 -Are we talking, like, backdoor? -Uh... 957 00:39:36.583 --> 00:39:38.250 ["Cielito Lindo" playing] 958 00:39:38.583 --> 00:39:40.958 [crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 959 00:39:43.791 --> 00:39:45.000 [Jackson grunts] 960 00:39:46.166 --> 00:39:47.833 You never answered my door question. 961 00:39:48.708 --> 00:39:50.333 Because it's none of your business. 962 00:39:50.916 --> 00:39:52.250 Come on. 963 00:39:52.333 --> 00:39:53.833 Were there props involved? 964 00:39:53.916 --> 00:39:55.125 Costumes? 965 00:39:55.916 --> 00:39:57.000 An invited guest? 966 00:39:57.083 --> 00:39:58.208 Stop, please. 967 00:39:58.500 --> 00:40:01.375 Just because you don't have a sex life of your own, 968 00:40:01.458 --> 00:40:03.666 it doesn't mean you can pilfer through mine. 969 00:40:04.208 --> 00:40:05.875 I have a sex life. 970 00:40:06.333 --> 00:40:07.166 Really? 971 00:40:07.583 --> 00:40:09.083 When was the last time you had sex? 972 00:40:09.583 --> 00:40:10.666 When did you? 973 00:40:11.666 --> 00:40:12.625 Thursday. 974 00:40:13.041 --> 00:40:14.291 Thursday? 975 00:40:14.375 --> 00:40:15.250 With who? 976 00:40:15.708 --> 00:40:18.791 Uh... that cocktail waitress on Saint Patrick's Day. 977 00:40:19.333 --> 00:40:20.583 You met a cocktail waitress 978 00:40:20.666 --> 00:40:21.958 -on Saint Patrick's Day? -Yeah. 979 00:40:22.041 --> 00:40:24.375 -You were with me. -Yeah, but she just hopped in my Uber. 980 00:40:24.458 --> 00:40:27.666 [crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 981 00:40:27.750 --> 00:40:28.791 [Jackson groans] 982 00:40:28.875 --> 00:40:30.125 [crowd cheering] 983 00:40:30.458 --> 00:40:34.166 What happened to holidate rule number one, which was, "No judgments?" 984 00:40:34.250 --> 00:40:36.208 Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. 985 00:40:36.291 --> 00:40:38.750 Your lack of a sex life is none of my business. 986 00:40:38.833 --> 00:40:41.250 -I just feel bad for you, that's all. -[scoffs] 987 00:40:41.333 --> 00:40:43.458 Oh, you feel bad for me? 988 00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:46.791 -Hmm. -[scoffs and laughs sarcastically] 989 00:40:46.875 --> 00:40:48.500 I see what you're trying to do. 990 00:40:48.583 --> 00:40:49.750 What am I trying to do? 991 00:40:50.125 --> 00:40:53.625 You're trying to get in my head and freak me out so we end up having sex. 992 00:40:53.708 --> 00:40:56.291 -I don't wanna have sex with you. -Oh, right. How could I forget? 993 00:40:56.375 --> 00:40:59.583 -You don't find me attractive. -That's not what I said. 994 00:41:00.208 --> 00:41:01.041 Whatever. 995 00:41:01.625 --> 00:41:03.375 -It's your loss. -Sure it is. 996 00:41:03.791 --> 00:41:06.416 Seriously. I am fantastic in bed. 997 00:41:06.500 --> 00:41:08.708 Yeah, right. You developed early 998 00:41:08.791 --> 00:41:10.166 and hand jobs at 12. 999 00:41:10.250 --> 00:41:11.208 Yada yada yada. 1000 00:41:11.291 --> 00:41:14.791 Okay. Well, it doesn't mean I was a slut or anything. 1001 00:41:14.875 --> 00:41:17.541 But some people are just naturally gifted. 1002 00:41:18.458 --> 00:41:20.250 I happen to be one of those people. 1003 00:41:21.500 --> 00:41:22.916 I guess we'll never know. 1004 00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:24.125 I guess we won't. 1005 00:41:24.708 --> 00:41:28.291 [crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! 1006 00:41:31.708 --> 00:41:33.791 ["Tequila" playing] 1007 00:41:41.208 --> 00:41:43.208 [crowd cheering fading away] 1008 00:41:53.916 --> 00:41:54.791 [fan squeaks] 1009 00:41:56.500 --> 00:41:57.375 [sighs] 1010 00:41:59.375 --> 00:42:00.208 [fan squeaks] 1011 00:42:03.166 --> 00:42:04.041 [sigh deeply] 1012 00:42:06.083 --> 00:42:06.916 Hello. 1013 00:42:07.458 --> 00:42:08.416 Hi. 1014 00:42:10.458 --> 00:42:11.833 You're on the floor. 1015 00:42:12.291 --> 00:42:13.916 Yes, I... 1016 00:42:15.333 --> 00:42:17.500 remember falling off the couch, 1017 00:42:17.583 --> 00:42:19.250 and it just seemed like-- 1018 00:42:19.750 --> 00:42:22.083 seemed like a lot of work to get back up. 1019 00:42:23.083 --> 00:42:25.166 So, I guess we might've... 1020 00:42:26.416 --> 00:42:27.375 No. 1021 00:42:27.666 --> 00:42:28.833 We didn't. 1022 00:42:29.750 --> 00:42:31.125 [Sloane groans] 1023 00:42:32.500 --> 00:42:33.916 You're wearing my underwear. 1024 00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:34.958 [gasps] 1025 00:42:36.916 --> 00:42:38.833 Well, that doesn’t mean anything. 1026 00:42:38.916 --> 00:42:41.625 I probably got cold in the night, 1027 00:42:42.125 --> 00:42:44.833 after my panties fell off. 1028 00:42:45.375 --> 00:42:47.458 Come on, you must be able to tell somehow. 1029 00:42:47.541 --> 00:42:50.750 -Tell how? -I don't know. I don't have a vagina. 1030 00:42:52.708 --> 00:42:55.500 Well, there's no forensic evidence. 1031 00:42:55.750 --> 00:42:57.083 Nothing's dried on my leg. 1032 00:42:57.166 --> 00:42:59.625 There's no wrapper on the floor, 1033 00:42:59.708 --> 00:43:01.375 if that's what you're wondering. 1034 00:43:01.875 --> 00:43:03.083 [sighs] 1035 00:43:03.166 --> 00:43:04.458 Can't you tell? 1036 00:43:06.250 --> 00:43:08.208 I mean, he looks a little tired, but... 1037 00:43:09.041 --> 00:43:10.958 I don't think he's really satisfied. 1038 00:43:11.041 --> 00:43:12.125 I'm telling you. 1039 00:43:12.208 --> 00:43:13.375 We didn't do it. 1040 00:43:13.458 --> 00:43:15.541 One of us would for sure be able to tell. 1041 00:43:16.250 --> 00:43:17.833 Sweet. Let's go with that. 1042 00:43:18.083 --> 00:43:20.125 Good. Coffee? 1043 00:43:20.208 --> 00:43:21.708 -Please. -Cream? 1044 00:43:21.791 --> 00:43:23.208 -No, thank you, black. -Yeah? 1045 00:43:23.833 --> 00:43:24.833 Okay. 1046 00:43:24.916 --> 00:43:25.791 [Jackson] Cheers. 1047 00:43:27.708 --> 00:43:28.583 [grunts] 1048 00:43:29.541 --> 00:43:30.500 [fan squeals] 1049 00:43:31.958 --> 00:43:35.791 It's Mother's Day, can we not talk about my personal life for a change? 1050 00:43:35.875 --> 00:43:39.750 It's my day and I have a right to know what my only child is doing with her life. 1051 00:43:39.833 --> 00:43:43.666 -You have two other children. -Not single. You're the one I worry about. 1052 00:43:43.750 --> 00:43:47.208 And I don't understand why you're wasting my daughter's time 1053 00:43:47.291 --> 00:43:49.791 -with this meaningless stuff. -It's not meaningless. 1054 00:43:49.875 --> 00:43:51.208 We're... friends. 1055 00:43:51.458 --> 00:43:54.041 She doesn't need another friend. She needs a husband. 1056 00:43:54.125 --> 00:43:55.083 A partner. 1057 00:43:55.166 --> 00:43:57.833 Someone legally bound to be there during the chemo. 1058 00:43:58.500 --> 00:44:00.458 -What chemo? -Oh, honey. 1059 00:44:00.541 --> 00:44:01.708 Don't kid yourself. 1060 00:44:01.791 --> 00:44:03.291 You have bad genes. 1061 00:44:03.666 --> 00:44:06.916 And bald women don't really get a lot of dates. 1062 00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:08.750 You have nothing to worry about. 1063 00:44:08.833 --> 00:44:10.291 Sloane is a great girl. 1064 00:44:10.375 --> 00:44:11.458 Even bald. 1065 00:44:11.541 --> 00:44:13.416 Then why aren't you sleeping with her? 1066 00:44:14.125 --> 00:44:15.041 Mom! 1067 00:44:15.125 --> 00:44:15.958 Jesus! 1068 00:44:16.041 --> 00:44:18.458 I'm just saying it's not gonna kill you to try. 1069 00:44:18.541 --> 00:44:20.833 It's like escargot. 1070 00:44:20.916 --> 00:44:22.458 It may sound unappealing. 1071 00:44:22.541 --> 00:44:23.750 It may look unappealing. 1072 00:44:23.833 --> 00:44:26.750 Once you put it in your mouth, it'll knock your socks off. 1073 00:44:26.833 --> 00:44:28.916 So, maybe this holidate thing 1074 00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:30.416 will turn into something. 1075 00:44:33.291 --> 00:44:35.041 Did you just compare 1076 00:44:35.125 --> 00:44:37.458 sex with me to eating slugs? 1077 00:44:38.250 --> 00:44:39.166 Well... 1078 00:44:40.166 --> 00:44:41.375 she has a point. 1079 00:44:41.458 --> 00:44:43.291 I'm just saying. 1080 00:44:43.375 --> 00:44:46.333 I mean, I hear the bathrooms here are really nice. 1081 00:44:48.708 --> 00:44:49.666 Oh... 1082 00:44:49.750 --> 00:44:50.708 is this-- 1083 00:44:51.416 --> 00:44:54.083 is this the place with the Egyptian cotton towels? 1084 00:44:54.166 --> 00:44:55.083 Easy cleanup. 1085 00:44:55.166 --> 00:44:56.291 [chuckles] 1086 00:44:56.375 --> 00:44:58.416 Excuse me. Where are the ladies rooms? 1087 00:44:58.500 --> 00:45:00.333 -Over there to the left. -Thank you. 1088 00:45:00.416 --> 00:45:01.750 [Sloane chuckles] 1089 00:45:02.958 --> 00:45:03.833 Shall we? 1090 00:45:03.916 --> 00:45:04.750 We shall. 1091 00:45:04.833 --> 00:45:06.833 You guys are hilarious. 1092 00:45:06.916 --> 00:45:08.750 Happy Mother's Day, Mom. 1093 00:45:08.833 --> 00:45:09.958 This one's for you. 1094 00:45:13.083 --> 00:45:14.166 I think we got her. 1095 00:45:14.250 --> 00:45:15.250 Oh, yeah. 1096 00:45:15.791 --> 00:45:17.458 [Elaine] You're not funny. 1097 00:45:18.500 --> 00:45:19.750 ["Somewhere In America" playing] 1098 00:45:19.833 --> 00:45:21.375 ♪ Somewhere in America ♪ 1099 00:45:22.458 --> 00:45:23.500 ♪ There's a young man... ♪ 1100 00:45:23.583 --> 00:45:25.208 Think this is gonna be enough? 1101 00:45:25.291 --> 00:45:26.458 I think it's a start. 1102 00:45:29.708 --> 00:45:31.291 Bye, honey. Drive safely. 1103 00:45:31.375 --> 00:45:33.291 Bye. Love you. You got it. 1104 00:45:33.375 --> 00:45:35.666 [kids shouting] Bye, Mom! 1105 00:45:36.625 --> 00:45:38.750 [sighs] Let's get this party started. 1106 00:45:39.166 --> 00:45:41.416 -Shotgun. -You can't call shotgun! 1107 00:45:41.500 --> 00:45:45.208 -Really? 'Cause it sounded like I did. -No. I am not getting back there with him. 1108 00:45:45.291 --> 00:45:47.208 Uncle Sam? He's harmless. 1109 00:45:47.916 --> 00:45:49.750 But we said it was a girls' trip. 1110 00:45:49.833 --> 00:45:51.583 He can't drive with his glaucoma. 1111 00:45:52.083 --> 00:45:53.416 Liz, come on, get in the car! 1112 00:45:53.833 --> 00:45:55.833 [whimpers] Ooh... 1113 00:45:58.583 --> 00:45:59.916 Oh, that smell. 1114 00:46:00.791 --> 00:46:01.958 Is that pot? 1115 00:46:02.416 --> 00:46:03.541 It's medicinal. 1116 00:46:03.625 --> 00:46:05.250 For my sciatica. 1117 00:46:05.333 --> 00:46:06.208 Ooh! 1118 00:46:06.291 --> 00:46:08.041 I love pot. Can you pass it over? 1119 00:46:08.125 --> 00:46:09.791 We're going to Peter's family reunion. 1120 00:46:09.875 --> 00:46:11.541 -Let's be respectful. -[Susan snorts] 1121 00:46:11.625 --> 00:46:14.041 Liz, these are your last days as a single woman. 1122 00:46:14.125 --> 00:46:15.791 You need to loosen up. 1123 00:46:15.875 --> 00:46:17.041 Sam, give her a hit. 1124 00:46:17.125 --> 00:46:20.250 Oh, I’m not putting my lips on that thing. I'm a bride. 1125 00:46:20.333 --> 00:46:21.583 A little hit won't kill you. 1126 00:46:21.666 --> 00:46:23.916 Grandmothers and cancer patients smoke pot, Liz. 1127 00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:25.000 [Abby] Yeah. 1128 00:46:25.083 --> 00:46:27.166 -[Sloane] Do it for the kids. -Aw, the kids. 1129 00:46:27.250 --> 00:46:28.875 -Hmm... -Okay 1130 00:46:29.958 --> 00:46:30.958 [coughs] 1131 00:46:31.416 --> 00:46:33.250 I don't feel anything. [groans] 1132 00:46:33.500 --> 00:46:34.958 You didn't inhale. Try again. 1133 00:46:35.375 --> 00:46:36.375 Oh, okay. 1134 00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:42.958 [sighs] 1135 00:46:44.625 --> 00:46:45.625 Nope. 1136 00:46:45.875 --> 00:46:47.375 Still don't feel a thing. 1137 00:46:48.791 --> 00:46:49.708 Bummer. 1138 00:46:50.250 --> 00:46:51.250 -Woo-hoo -[man] Hey! 1139 00:46:52.166 --> 00:46:53.875 [man] Hey, guys! Stop it! 1140 00:46:54.291 --> 00:46:55.875 [fireworks exploding] 1141 00:46:56.541 --> 00:46:58.125 [men cheering] 1142 00:46:59.500 --> 00:47:01.416 -God bless America! -Yeah! 1143 00:47:01.500 --> 00:47:03.375 -[country music playing] -[men whooping] 1144 00:47:03.458 --> 00:47:04.333 [slurps] 1145 00:47:04.416 --> 00:47:05.291 [fireworks popping] 1146 00:47:05.375 --> 00:47:06.375 Hmm. 1147 00:47:08.458 --> 00:47:11.291 I guess I'm one of those people that drugs don't affect. 1148 00:47:11.833 --> 00:47:13.125 [Sloane] Yeah, that's you. 1149 00:47:13.208 --> 00:47:15.500 -Unaffected, all right. -[Liz] Hmm. 1150 00:47:16.500 --> 00:47:17.833 -[Jackson] Ready? -Gotta throw it. 1151 00:47:17.916 --> 00:47:19.541 -Right till the end. -Throw it. 1152 00:47:20.791 --> 00:47:23.041 -[firework explodes] -[men cheering, whooping] 1153 00:47:23.125 --> 00:47:26.458 -That's how you blow shit up! -Love the smell of napalm, man. 1154 00:47:26.541 --> 00:47:29.000 What is it about men and explosives? 1155 00:47:30.291 --> 00:47:31.791 All about the cock. 1156 00:47:31.875 --> 00:47:35.791 What do fireworks have to do with a man's... anatomy? 1157 00:47:36.208 --> 00:47:38.125 It's like jacking off. 1158 00:47:38.208 --> 00:47:41.208 -Men live for the orgasm. -[laughs] 1159 00:47:41.291 --> 00:47:44.583 If they're not fucking, they're dreaming about fucking, 1160 00:47:44.666 --> 00:47:46.083 or blowing stuff up. 1161 00:47:46.583 --> 00:47:48.333 Next best thing to fucking. 1162 00:47:50.125 --> 00:47:53.500 So, they're all down there right now thinking about... 1163 00:47:55.041 --> 00:47:55.958 [whispering] Fucking. 1164 00:47:56.041 --> 00:47:57.000 [giggles] 1165 00:47:57.625 --> 00:48:00.291 -You can say it, Liz. -I don't need to say it. 1166 00:48:01.125 --> 00:48:02.291 I think you do. 1167 00:48:02.375 --> 00:48:04.083 [chuckling] Just leave her alone. 1168 00:48:04.166 --> 00:48:06.750 No! She's getting married soon. 1169 00:48:06.833 --> 00:48:08.666 She needs to learn to express herself 1170 00:48:08.750 --> 00:48:11.208 and not be so bunched up and repressed. 1171 00:48:11.708 --> 00:48:13.125 Come on, say it. 1172 00:48:13.208 --> 00:48:14.250 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1173 00:48:14.333 --> 00:48:15.375 No! 1174 00:48:16.583 --> 00:48:18.041 Come on. "Fuck." 1175 00:48:18.125 --> 00:48:19.166 No! 1176 00:48:19.916 --> 00:48:20.875 Fuck! 1177 00:48:20.958 --> 00:48:22.041 No! 1178 00:48:22.458 --> 00:48:23.375 Fuck! 1179 00:48:24.875 --> 00:48:26.208 [echoing] Fuck! 1180 00:48:26.541 --> 00:48:28.250 Are you all happy now? 1181 00:48:28.458 --> 00:48:30.916 -[loud explosion] -[men cheering] 1182 00:48:31.458 --> 00:48:33.083 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 1183 00:48:33.166 --> 00:48:34.875 Fuckity-fuck! 1184 00:48:35.291 --> 00:48:36.250 Hey. 1185 00:48:36.416 --> 00:48:39.000 Um... do we have a first aid kit by chance? 1186 00:48:39.083 --> 00:48:40.666 Maybe Band-Aids. Why? 1187 00:48:40.750 --> 00:48:42.083 Jackson, he-- 1188 00:48:43.166 --> 00:48:45.291 he just blew off his finger, a little bit. 1189 00:48:45.375 --> 00:48:46.666 Oh, my God! 1190 00:48:48.875 --> 00:48:51.541 Okay, everybody, remain calm. 1191 00:48:51.625 --> 00:48:54.416 Liz, go get some ice and a baggie. 1192 00:48:54.500 --> 00:48:56.750 York, find something to make a tourniquet. 1193 00:48:57.416 --> 00:48:58.833 Do we have the finger? 1194 00:48:59.833 --> 00:49:01.750 Okay, gang, a little hustle, please. 1195 00:49:01.833 --> 00:49:03.541 We gotta find that finger. 1196 00:49:03.625 --> 00:49:04.541 [York] Got it! Got it! 1197 00:49:04.625 --> 00:49:05.625 -[Liz] Yeah! -[Sam] Yeah! 1198 00:49:05.708 --> 00:49:07.125 -Yes! -[all cheering] 1199 00:49:07.208 --> 00:49:08.500 -[York] Booyah! Good eye! 1200 00:49:09.708 --> 00:49:10.750 [Liz] Ew! 1201 00:49:11.000 --> 00:49:12.125 Are you sure that's mine? 1202 00:49:12.208 --> 00:49:14.250 He's in shock. Get him to the hospital. 1203 00:49:14.333 --> 00:49:16.583 -I'll take him. -No! You're drunk. I'll take him. 1204 00:49:16.666 --> 00:49:18.166 Hit a Burger King on the way. 1205 00:49:18.250 --> 00:49:19.958 -Are you stoned? -No. Why, are you? 1206 00:49:20.041 --> 00:49:21.916 Okay. Peter's sober. You can drive him. 1207 00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:24.333 -We'll watch the kids. -[Uncle Sam] Cool. 1208 00:49:24.416 --> 00:49:26.000 -You kids can tread water? -[kids] Yeah! 1209 00:49:26.083 --> 00:49:26.916 [Peter] Uh... 1210 00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:29.375 Nope. No way I'm leaving my children with these degenerates. 1211 00:49:29.458 --> 00:49:30.750 Good call. Oh, God! 1212 00:49:30.833 --> 00:49:32.708 -Okay. All right. -Please, no. Not me. 1213 00:49:32.791 --> 00:49:35.541 I'm not good with blood. You know this. Or cars. Or blood. 1214 00:49:35.625 --> 00:49:36.791 Yes. Yes. 1215 00:49:36.875 --> 00:49:38.416 -No! -You got this. 1216 00:49:38.500 --> 00:49:40.375 Go, go, go, go! Breathe! Breathe! 1217 00:49:41.583 --> 00:49:43.041 You're gonna be okay, buddy. 1218 00:49:44.291 --> 00:49:46.666 It's my fuck-you finger! [panting] 1219 00:49:46.750 --> 00:49:49.000 -I can't lose my fuck-you finger. -Sloane, good luck. 1220 00:49:49.083 --> 00:49:51.666 -His fuck-you finger is in your hands. -Don't say that! 1221 00:49:53.083 --> 00:49:54.958 -[car accelerates] -[Jackson] Oh! 1222 00:49:55.041 --> 00:49:56.166 -[tires screech] -[loud slam] 1223 00:49:56.250 --> 00:49:59.833 Oh! Jesus H. Christ! [whimpering] 1224 00:49:59.916 --> 00:50:01.958 I'm sorry. Does it hurt really bad? 1225 00:50:02.041 --> 00:50:03.833 -No, it's like a paper cut. -Really? 1226 00:50:03.916 --> 00:50:05.333 [screams] No, not really! 1227 00:50:05.416 --> 00:50:06.583 Don't yell at me! 1228 00:50:06.666 --> 00:50:09.708 I'm a nervous driver, technically unlicensed. 1229 00:50:09.791 --> 00:50:12.041 -You don't have a license? -I mean, I had one. 1230 00:50:12.125 --> 00:50:14.166 It just expired a while back. 1231 00:50:14.250 --> 00:50:17.125 Jesus Christ! My finger is in a fucking Ziploc bag! 1232 00:50:17.208 --> 00:50:20.333 I know, and it's really freaking me out. Can you put it in the glove box? 1233 00:50:20.416 --> 00:50:22.416 We wouldn't want you to be freaked out, would we? 1234 00:50:22.500 --> 00:50:23.958 [tires screeching] 1235 00:50:24.041 --> 00:50:26.583 -Your sister smokes weed? -There's a lighter in my purse. 1236 00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:28.125 I-- I don't do drugs. 1237 00:50:28.208 --> 00:50:30.166 And you call yourself a professional athlete? 1238 00:50:30.250 --> 00:50:32.083 -[Jackson] Watch out! -[Sloane screams] Oh, God! 1239 00:50:32.166 --> 00:50:34.166 [Jackson] Slow down! Right, right, right! 1240 00:50:34.708 --> 00:50:35.708 [Jackson] Shrubbery! 1241 00:50:36.208 --> 00:50:38.000 Sloane, seriously! 1242 00:50:38.083 --> 00:50:39.208 Car! 1243 00:50:39.291 --> 00:50:41.166 -[both screaming] -[car horn blaring] 1244 00:50:42.458 --> 00:50:44.500 [Sloane] Why couldn't they just call an Uber? 1245 00:50:44.583 --> 00:50:45.500 [loud beep over PA] 1246 00:50:45.583 --> 00:50:48.166 [woman on PA] Dr. Lambert to the OR, stat. 1247 00:50:49.041 --> 00:50:50.583 [reggae music playing] 1248 00:50:51.083 --> 00:50:53.291 [both laughing and coughing] 1249 00:50:54.041 --> 00:50:55.208 [Sloane] Oh, my God. 1250 00:50:57.041 --> 00:50:58.625 -Just relax. -[coughs] 1251 00:50:58.708 --> 00:51:00.958 I've got it all under control. 1252 00:51:01.458 --> 00:51:03.625 You don't have to lift a finger. 1253 00:51:03.708 --> 00:51:05.083 [both laughing] 1254 00:51:05.166 --> 00:51:06.416 [woman] Seriously? 1255 00:51:11.833 --> 00:51:13.416 I'm too tired to report you. 1256 00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:17.000 -Thanks, mate. -I'm sorry. 1257 00:51:18.333 --> 00:51:20.916 Honestly, I know you from somewhere. 1258 00:51:22.583 --> 00:51:23.458 I just-- 1259 00:51:23.833 --> 00:51:27.000 [sighs] I just can't put my finger on it. 1260 00:51:27.083 --> 00:51:29.208 [both laughing] 1261 00:51:31.250 --> 00:51:33.791 The doctor will be with you shortly. He's reattaching a toe. 1262 00:51:33.875 --> 00:51:34.750 Toe? 1263 00:51:35.250 --> 00:51:36.208 Hold on a second. 1264 00:51:36.291 --> 00:51:38.916 A finger must take priority over a toe. 1265 00:51:39.000 --> 00:51:40.333 Sorry. 1266 00:51:40.416 --> 00:51:43.250 If only you'd been a jackass a little earlier in the day. 1267 00:51:46.333 --> 00:51:47.166 Wow. 1268 00:51:47.791 --> 00:51:49.416 You've really got her 1269 00:51:49.500 --> 00:51:51.750 wrapped around your finger. 1270 00:51:51.833 --> 00:51:53.083 [both laughing] 1271 00:51:55.291 --> 00:51:56.833 [doctor] All right. 1272 00:51:57.291 --> 00:51:58.125 Faarooq? 1273 00:51:59.708 --> 00:52:00.541 Sloane. 1274 00:52:00.625 --> 00:52:01.958 Are you hurt? 1275 00:52:02.041 --> 00:52:03.500 -Are you okay? -Hi. 1276 00:52:03.583 --> 00:52:04.416 Hey. 1277 00:52:05.125 --> 00:52:08.125 No, I'm fine. I didn't know you worked all the way out here. 1278 00:52:08.208 --> 00:52:10.833 I don't, normally. They called me to reattach a pinkie toe. 1279 00:52:10.916 --> 00:52:11.791 [chuckles] 1280 00:52:12.041 --> 00:52:13.416 That's so amazing. 1281 00:52:14.041 --> 00:52:16.041 It's a crucial phalange. 1282 00:52:16.125 --> 00:52:17.791 Stop. [laughing] 1283 00:52:18.625 --> 00:52:19.458 [laughs] 1284 00:52:19.541 --> 00:52:21.833 Wow, you're doing such amazing work. 1285 00:52:21.916 --> 00:52:23.250 It's like wow. 1286 00:52:23.333 --> 00:52:25.416 [both laugh] 1287 00:52:25.500 --> 00:52:26.833 I'm just doing my part. 1288 00:52:26.916 --> 00:52:27.916 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1289 00:52:28.541 --> 00:52:29.375 Aw... 1290 00:52:30.416 --> 00:52:33.791 [Faarooq] I was a little disappointed I didn't hear back from you. 1291 00:52:33.875 --> 00:52:37.625 And I'm disappointed that I don't get to see my favorite bunny suit. 1292 00:52:37.708 --> 00:52:39.666 Ah! Yes, Jackson. 1293 00:52:39.750 --> 00:52:40.750 From Easter. 1294 00:52:41.333 --> 00:52:43.083 Sparkler got away from you, did it? 1295 00:52:43.166 --> 00:52:45.333 Uh, It was an M-80, actually. 1296 00:52:46.166 --> 00:52:47.333 Ah... ooh! 1297 00:52:47.875 --> 00:52:48.958 That's gonna hurt. 1298 00:52:49.708 --> 00:52:50.833 Skin's a little crispy... 1299 00:52:51.541 --> 00:52:52.375 [retching] 1300 00:52:52.458 --> 00:52:55.083 but it looks like the bone didn't shatter. 1301 00:52:55.166 --> 00:52:56.250 Oh, yes. 1302 00:52:56.333 --> 00:52:57.666 All right. Hang tight. 1303 00:52:58.166 --> 00:52:59.875 We'll get you prepped for surgery, okay? 1304 00:52:59.958 --> 00:53:03.000 -[gasps] You can fix it! He can fix it! -Well... we'll see. 1305 00:53:03.666 --> 00:53:04.625 Fingers crossed. 1306 00:53:06.791 --> 00:53:08.000 Tough crowd. 1307 00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:10.875 [door opens] 1308 00:53:10.958 --> 00:53:12.166 [Sloane] All right. 1309 00:53:12.250 --> 00:53:13.375 Here we go. 1310 00:53:13.458 --> 00:53:14.291 You good? 1311 00:53:14.375 --> 00:53:16.875 Oh, okay. Is this a shoeless apartment? [chuckles] 1312 00:53:17.208 --> 00:53:18.333 All right. 1313 00:53:18.416 --> 00:53:20.250 I got your prescriptions right here. 1314 00:53:20.333 --> 00:53:21.333 Thank you. 1315 00:53:21.916 --> 00:53:24.666 The deli down the block will be delivering your soup. 1316 00:53:24.750 --> 00:53:25.958 Mm-hmm. 1317 00:53:26.500 --> 00:53:27.458 And... 1318 00:53:28.583 --> 00:53:30.458 -I called your mother. -Really? What-- 1319 00:53:30.875 --> 00:53:31.916 What did she say? 1320 00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:34.166 She didn't answer. I just left a message. 1321 00:53:34.625 --> 00:53:35.541 Oh, yeah. 1322 00:53:35.625 --> 00:53:38.750 Told her you had a little accident and should probably give you a call. 1323 00:53:39.291 --> 00:53:40.250 Thanks. 1324 00:53:40.958 --> 00:53:41.791 Uh... 1325 00:53:42.666 --> 00:53:45.666 I'm really sorry that I ruined your Fourth of July. 1326 00:53:45.750 --> 00:53:46.583 [laughs] 1327 00:53:47.041 --> 00:53:48.500 Holidate rule number three, 1328 00:53:48.708 --> 00:53:50.375 "Leave no holidate behind." 1329 00:53:51.083 --> 00:53:52.791 Or their appendages. 1330 00:53:52.875 --> 00:53:54.583 [both giggle] 1331 00:54:01.791 --> 00:54:03.208 [sighs] 1332 00:54:07.083 --> 00:54:09.416 You should-- you should probably get some rest. 1333 00:54:09.500 --> 00:54:11.625 Yeah. Yeah, I should. 1334 00:54:13.583 --> 00:54:14.708 Unless... 1335 00:54:15.375 --> 00:54:16.791 you need anything else? 1336 00:54:19.958 --> 00:54:21.458 No, I think I'm good. 1337 00:54:23.333 --> 00:54:24.708 Look, I-- I think I'm fine. 1338 00:54:27.750 --> 00:54:29.041 I'm really tired. 1339 00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:30.958 Okay. 1340 00:54:31.666 --> 00:54:33.958 I guess I'll just go then. 1341 00:54:34.041 --> 00:54:35.000 [both chuckle] 1342 00:54:35.125 --> 00:54:36.541 Okay. Yeah, sure. 1343 00:54:41.833 --> 00:54:43.166 -See you later. -[chuckles] 1344 00:55:02.833 --> 00:55:03.875 [door closes] 1345 00:55:10.291 --> 00:55:11.500 [golf club hits] 1346 00:55:13.666 --> 00:55:14.791 Our hands touched. 1347 00:55:16.458 --> 00:55:17.458 Holy shit. 1348 00:55:19.750 --> 00:55:20.791 You use protection? 1349 00:55:20.875 --> 00:55:23.333 [whispers] I'm telling you, there was a vibe. 1350 00:55:23.416 --> 00:55:24.541 Vibes are hot. 1351 00:55:25.291 --> 00:55:27.166 God, I miss vibes. 1352 00:55:27.250 --> 00:55:28.666 Yeah, but now it's weird. 1353 00:55:28.750 --> 00:55:32.583 Weirder than not knowing whether or not his penis was actually inside of you? 1354 00:55:32.666 --> 00:55:36.083 Yes, actually, because vibes could be real feelings. 1355 00:55:36.166 --> 00:55:38.333 I'm trying to tell you there was a serious shift. 1356 00:55:38.416 --> 00:55:40.583 It is... not platonic anymore. 1357 00:55:40.666 --> 00:55:43.083 You're in trouble. You gotta get out. 1358 00:55:43.166 --> 00:55:45.375 I can't. It's her brother's wedding on Labor Day. 1359 00:55:45.458 --> 00:55:47.333 I'm so confused. 1360 00:55:47.666 --> 00:55:50.500 You like him. He likes you. These are not real problems. 1361 00:55:50.583 --> 00:55:51.625 Yes, they are. 1362 00:55:51.708 --> 00:55:55.375 I can't "like him" like him until I know for sure he "likes me" likes me. 1363 00:55:55.458 --> 00:55:58.708 You cannot go to a wedding with a girl who has actual feelings for you. 1364 00:55:58.791 --> 00:56:00.375 They start to get ideas and shit. 1365 00:56:00.458 --> 00:56:03.041 Listen to me, brother, as a black man, I'm speaking to this. 1366 00:56:03.125 --> 00:56:05.708 Don't do it. No. No. 1367 00:56:05.791 --> 00:56:07.750 Labor Day is technically a holiday. 1368 00:56:07.833 --> 00:56:09.291 We have the holidate deal. 1369 00:56:09.375 --> 00:56:10.791 A wedding trumps a holiday. 1370 00:56:10.875 --> 00:56:12.125 You understand that, right? 1371 00:56:12.791 --> 00:56:15.958 Men loathe weddings, even if it's a holiday, right? 1372 00:56:16.041 --> 00:56:18.416 So, if he's not trying to get out of it, 1373 00:56:18.791 --> 00:56:19.958 there's your answer. 1374 00:56:20.833 --> 00:56:22.541 I'm gonna ask him about the wedding. 1375 00:56:22.625 --> 00:56:25.708 Tell her to go with someone else. Someone who has actual potential. 1376 00:56:26.125 --> 00:56:27.583 Like you're doing her a favor. 1377 00:56:28.250 --> 00:56:30.291 Well, then who do I bring? 1378 00:56:31.750 --> 00:56:34.250 Someone who doesn't give a shit about weddings. 1379 00:56:34.708 --> 00:56:36.958 -I'm booked. -[golf club hits] 1380 00:56:37.041 --> 00:56:39.041 [cellphone vibrating] 1381 00:56:41.083 --> 00:56:43.250 It's not a holiday. Why are you calling me? 1382 00:56:43.333 --> 00:56:45.333 It's an emergency. If you don't help me, 1383 00:56:45.416 --> 00:56:48.000 York and Liz are gonna get a gift card for their wedding present. 1384 00:56:48.333 --> 00:56:49.333 What about this? 1385 00:56:52.166 --> 00:56:54.000 Hideous and wrong. 1386 00:56:54.083 --> 00:56:56.625 The Pottery Barn pillow sham are still available-- 1387 00:56:56.708 --> 00:56:58.791 Guys don't get other guys shams. 1388 00:56:59.083 --> 00:57:00.666 It's mostly for Liz. 1389 00:57:01.291 --> 00:57:02.458 I suppose you're right. 1390 00:57:02.958 --> 00:57:05.708 I-- look, you know, I was thinking, and, 1391 00:57:05.791 --> 00:57:08.625 honestly, I was not expecting to be invited. 1392 00:57:09.291 --> 00:57:12.333 So, I don't really know the protocol here. 1393 00:57:12.416 --> 00:57:14.208 You know, it's a wedding, but-- 1394 00:57:14.291 --> 00:57:15.625 But also a holiday. 1395 00:57:15.708 --> 00:57:18.041 Yeah, I... had the same thought. 1396 00:57:18.125 --> 00:57:19.125 -[sighs] -Oh! 1397 00:57:19.541 --> 00:57:20.375 You did? 1398 00:57:20.958 --> 00:57:21.833 That's great. 1399 00:57:21.916 --> 00:57:22.875 It is? 1400 00:57:23.333 --> 00:57:24.375 Oh, well. 1401 00:57:24.458 --> 00:57:25.750 [chuckles] I'm so relieved. 1402 00:57:25.833 --> 00:57:27.000 Me too. [chuckles] 1403 00:57:27.208 --> 00:57:29.208 -So, we'll just-- -So, we'll bring dates. 1404 00:57:30.583 --> 00:57:31.666 Uh, dates? 1405 00:57:32.375 --> 00:57:34.000 Well... yeah. 1406 00:57:34.458 --> 00:57:35.458 Dates, right? 1407 00:57:36.750 --> 00:57:38.458 Yeah. Dates. [chuckles] 1408 00:57:39.291 --> 00:57:40.958 -Other... people. -Perfect. 1409 00:57:46.625 --> 00:57:48.166 [upbeat music playing] 1410 00:57:49.916 --> 00:57:51.666 [York] Attention! Attention! Gather around. 1411 00:57:51.750 --> 00:57:53.250 I got something I need to say. 1412 00:57:53.500 --> 00:57:54.416 All right? 1413 00:57:54.500 --> 00:57:57.500 First off, Liz's parents, or should I say, "Mom and Dad"? 1414 00:57:57.583 --> 00:57:59.791 Thank you for this freaking awesome wedding. 1415 00:57:59.875 --> 00:58:01.041 [guests cheering] 1416 00:58:01.125 --> 00:58:03.458 Most importantly, to my beautiful bride, 1417 00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:05.166 and lady fate. 1418 00:58:05.791 --> 00:58:09.291 If I hadn't taken the wrong L train that day, we never would've met. 1419 00:58:10.333 --> 00:58:11.833 But we met at a party. 1420 00:58:11.916 --> 00:58:13.083 I love you, baby! 1421 00:58:13.166 --> 00:58:15.041 -Cheers! -[guests] Cheers! 1422 00:58:16.666 --> 00:58:17.791 To us. 1423 00:58:18.208 --> 00:58:19.375 We did it. 1424 00:58:19.458 --> 00:58:20.958 [Elaine laughs] 1425 00:58:24.291 --> 00:58:26.250 I cannot believe he brought her to the wedding. 1426 00:58:26.333 --> 00:58:28.166 I mean, they hardly know each other. 1427 00:58:28.875 --> 00:58:30.500 I mean, admit it. It's weird. 1428 00:58:30.583 --> 00:58:32.208 -You have to admit it. -I don't-- 1429 00:58:32.291 --> 00:58:35.125 But they're both single and sexy. It's not that weird. 1430 00:58:35.208 --> 00:58:37.458 She's family, and he's a friend. 1431 00:58:38.791 --> 00:58:39.916 [fake laughing] 1432 00:58:42.583 --> 00:58:44.500 -Stop! -What? 1433 00:58:44.666 --> 00:58:45.708 [both laughing] 1434 00:58:46.541 --> 00:58:47.541 It's really weird, 1435 00:58:47.625 --> 00:58:51.208 because Sloane gets queasy at the sight of blood, and now she's with a doctor. 1436 00:58:51.291 --> 00:58:52.125 [both laughing] 1437 00:58:52.208 --> 00:58:55.000 -[Susan] He sure scrubs up nice. -You think he's handsome? 1438 00:58:55.083 --> 00:58:57.416 Oh, face: eight, hands: ten. 1439 00:59:01.166 --> 00:59:02.833 -For a woman... -[Sloane] Stop! 1440 00:59:02.916 --> 00:59:04.875 ...it's all about the hands. 1441 00:59:04.958 --> 00:59:05.833 [Faarooq] Hey. 1442 00:59:08.333 --> 00:59:09.708 -Yeah. Look. -What? 1443 00:59:11.833 --> 00:59:12.750 [Abby] Hmm. 1444 00:59:13.250 --> 00:59:14.666 Yeah, I know. I know. Hey! 1445 00:59:15.291 --> 00:59:18.208 They're probably just friends. She's being friendly, right? 1446 00:59:21.541 --> 00:59:22.625 [Susan] Nothing? 1447 00:59:23.583 --> 00:59:25.750 Whatever. You know what? I don't even care. 1448 00:59:27.541 --> 00:59:29.541 [both chuckle] 1449 00:59:30.708 --> 00:59:31.541 What-- 1450 00:59:34.041 --> 00:59:34.916 [pops] 1451 00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:35.833 Nope. 1452 00:59:36.208 --> 00:59:37.416 I don't feel a thing. 1453 00:59:39.875 --> 00:59:41.416 [scoffs] Completely numb. 1454 00:59:42.833 --> 00:59:44.416 I'm gonna get us another drink. 1455 00:59:45.416 --> 00:59:46.458 Oh, Elaine! 1456 00:59:46.541 --> 00:59:48.541 -Congratulations. -Oh, thank you. 1457 00:59:48.625 --> 00:59:51.291 Finally, you can get yourself another holidate. 1458 00:59:51.375 --> 00:59:52.875 My daughter's taken... 1459 00:59:53.458 --> 00:59:54.708 by a doctor. 1460 00:59:57.083 --> 00:59:58.166 [Faarooq] Ow! 1461 00:59:58.250 --> 00:59:59.625 [upbeat music playing] 1462 00:59:59.708 --> 01:00:00.541 Thank you. 1463 01:00:01.000 --> 01:00:02.166 [crowd chattering, laughing] 1464 01:00:04.875 --> 01:00:05.708 Champagne. 1465 01:00:08.250 --> 01:00:09.291 Nice wedding. 1466 01:00:10.166 --> 01:00:11.250 Beautiful. 1467 01:00:14.833 --> 01:00:15.791 Have fun. 1468 01:00:16.125 --> 01:00:17.333 Are you gonna sleep with her? 1469 01:00:18.833 --> 01:00:19.791 I don't know. 1470 01:00:19.875 --> 01:00:21.791 Thought we might get through desserts first. 1471 01:00:22.500 --> 01:00:23.833 So, you might? 1472 01:00:24.125 --> 01:00:25.625 That's none of your business. 1473 01:00:25.708 --> 01:00:27.333 We're related. It's my business. 1474 01:00:27.416 --> 01:00:28.708 Are you gonna sleep with the doc? 1475 01:00:29.125 --> 01:00:32.041 Hmm. The man saved your finger. It's the least I could do. 1476 01:00:32.125 --> 01:00:33.333 He botched the job. 1477 01:00:33.416 --> 01:00:35.208 I still can't flip a full bird. 1478 01:00:35.291 --> 01:00:38.333 Lucky for you, Aunt Susan's eyes aren't what they used to be. 1479 01:00:38.416 --> 01:00:39.791 You said it wasn't so bad. 1480 01:00:39.875 --> 01:00:41.500 I was being nice. 1481 01:00:41.583 --> 01:00:43.458 Oh, well, don't do me any favors. 1482 01:00:43.541 --> 01:00:45.291 You know what, ditto! 1483 01:00:45.375 --> 01:00:48.125 In fact, maybe we should just rethink this whole holidate thing. 1484 01:00:48.208 --> 01:00:49.208 Maybe we should. 1485 01:00:49.291 --> 01:00:50.750 -Great. -Great. 1486 01:00:51.125 --> 01:00:53.208 -Awesome. -Fantastic. 1487 01:00:53.416 --> 01:00:56.916 [announcer] And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for. 1488 01:00:57.208 --> 01:01:00.625 [speaking Mandarin] 1489 01:01:01.333 --> 01:01:03.000 The father-daughter dance. 1490 01:01:03.125 --> 01:01:05.583 -[crowd cheering] -[speaking Mandarin} 1491 01:01:05.666 --> 01:01:07.833 ["I'll Make Love to You" playing] 1492 01:01:09.000 --> 01:01:10.541 [woman] What is going on? 1493 01:01:10.833 --> 01:01:13.333 -Do they know what this song is about? -[man] No. 1494 01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:15.125 [Liz chuckles] 1495 01:01:15.208 --> 01:01:16.916 [woman] Wait, isn't that her dad? 1496 01:01:17.625 --> 01:01:19.625 [man] This is so inappropriate. 1497 01:01:20.750 --> 01:01:24.291 ♪ And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night... ♪ 1498 01:01:24.375 --> 01:01:25.625 [Sloane] Are they serious? 1499 01:01:26.208 --> 01:01:28.333 That is not gonna look good on the video. 1500 01:01:28.416 --> 01:01:30.333 Yeah, someone needs to tell them. 1501 01:01:30.416 --> 01:01:31.833 [man] So weird, her daddy. 1502 01:01:32.541 --> 01:01:33.375 [woman] Seriously. 1503 01:01:34.291 --> 01:01:35.916 -No, not us! -Come on. We got this. 1504 01:01:36.000 --> 01:01:37.125 [Sloane groans] 1505 01:01:39.333 --> 01:01:41.000 -Excuse me. -Beautiful wedding, sir. 1506 01:01:41.083 --> 01:01:42.291 ["Sexytime" playing] 1507 01:01:42.375 --> 01:01:43.708 [Sloane] Hey! 1508 01:01:44.750 --> 01:01:45.666 York. 1509 01:01:45.750 --> 01:01:47.125 ♪ It's sexytime... ♪ 1510 01:01:48.583 --> 01:01:49.583 Yeah. 1511 01:01:50.458 --> 01:01:52.583 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1512 01:01:52.666 --> 01:01:54.541 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1513 01:01:54.625 --> 01:01:57.000 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1514 01:01:57.125 --> 01:01:59.125 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1515 01:01:59.583 --> 01:02:02.000 ♪ I want you ♪ 1516 01:02:02.583 --> 01:02:04.083 ♪ To put your ♪ 1517 01:02:04.958 --> 01:02:07.041 ♪ Power hand on me ♪ 1518 01:02:08.291 --> 01:02:10.875 ♪ I want you ♪ 1519 01:02:11.333 --> 01:02:12.750 ♪ To put your ♪ 1520 01:02:13.583 --> 01:02:16.166 ♪ Many hands on me ♪ 1521 01:02:16.833 --> 01:02:19.250 ♪ I want you ♪ 1522 01:02:20.250 --> 01:02:21.791 ♪ To put your ♪ 1523 01:02:22.250 --> 01:02:25.000 ♪ Second hand on me ♪ 1524 01:02:25.500 --> 01:02:27.666 ♪ And ticktock, ticktock... ♪ 1525 01:02:27.875 --> 01:02:28.708 Oh, shit. 1526 01:02:29.875 --> 01:02:31.083 My niece. 1527 01:02:32.041 --> 01:02:33.791 ♪ All over me ♪ 1528 01:02:33.875 --> 01:02:35.666 ♪ 'Cause it's sexytime ♪ 1529 01:02:36.416 --> 01:02:37.583 ♪ It's sexytime... ♪ 1530 01:02:37.666 --> 01:02:38.625 Hi. 1531 01:02:38.708 --> 01:02:40.000 ♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1532 01:02:40.625 --> 01:02:42.250 ♪ It's sexytime ♪ 1533 01:02:42.958 --> 01:02:45.166 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexy time ♪ 1534 01:02:45.250 --> 01:02:47.333 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexy time ♪ 1535 01:02:47.416 --> 01:02:49.458 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexy time ♪ 1536 01:02:49.541 --> 01:02:51.458 -♪ What time is it? ♪ -♪ It's sexy time... ♪ 1537 01:02:51.541 --> 01:02:52.458 -[screams] -[loud thud] 1538 01:02:52.541 --> 01:02:53.958 [crowd gasps] 1539 01:02:54.041 --> 01:02:55.708 [Susan moans and grunts] 1540 01:02:59.000 --> 01:03:00.125 Are you okay? 1541 01:03:00.500 --> 01:03:01.416 I am now. 1542 01:03:01.500 --> 01:03:03.500 [romantic music playing] 1543 01:03:07.166 --> 01:03:08.666 That needs to be iced. 1544 01:03:15.000 --> 01:03:16.416 Any ideas for Halloween? 1545 01:03:16.500 --> 01:03:17.625 Already on it. 1546 01:03:19.291 --> 01:03:21.375 [kids laughing] Trick or treat! 1547 01:03:29.541 --> 01:03:31.583 [Abby] Sloane, stop eating all the chocolate. 1548 01:03:31.666 --> 01:03:33.208 [Abby] You're gonna be sick. 1549 01:03:33.291 --> 01:03:34.458 [Sloane groans] 1550 01:03:35.125 --> 01:03:36.625 -Okay, ready? And suck. -[screams] 1551 01:03:36.708 --> 01:03:38.375 Okay. There, there, there. 1552 01:03:39.125 --> 01:03:40.625 -Oh, my God. -[Sloane sighs] 1553 01:03:40.708 --> 01:03:44.000 I am so excited. This is my first adult party since the kids. 1554 01:03:44.083 --> 01:03:45.500 Are you sad Peter's not coming? 1555 01:03:45.583 --> 01:03:47.916 Well, why should it be different tonight? 1556 01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:50.333 -Okay, ready? Suck! Suck! -Oh! Jesus! 1557 01:03:51.208 --> 01:03:52.041 Ah! 1558 01:03:52.458 --> 01:03:55.583 When did Halloween go from dressing up like a princess to a whore? 1559 01:03:55.666 --> 01:03:57.000 I don't know, sixth grade? 1560 01:03:57.500 --> 01:03:58.375 What's a whore? 1561 01:03:59.291 --> 01:04:02.083 Um, somebody who gets paid to play with boys. 1562 01:04:02.166 --> 01:04:03.666 I wanna be a whore. 1563 01:04:04.041 --> 01:04:04.916 Me too! 1564 01:04:05.750 --> 01:04:08.666 Okay, but just remember that the house gets 50 percent. 1565 01:04:09.083 --> 01:04:10.625 -Hmm? -[Abby laughs] 1566 01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:15.583 Well, this is what I get for putting Jackson in charge of costumes. 1567 01:04:16.750 --> 01:04:17.583 [Abby] Here. 1568 01:04:17.666 --> 01:04:19.875 -What is that? -It is a preemptive antacid. 1569 01:04:19.958 --> 01:04:21.250 Just pretend it's candy. 1570 01:04:21.458 --> 01:04:22.416 ["All the Rage" playing] 1571 01:04:22.500 --> 01:04:25.291 ♪ I will be all the rage tonight ♪ 1572 01:04:25.375 --> 01:04:26.541 ♪ Tonight... ♪ 1573 01:04:26.625 --> 01:04:28.833 [man] I have the flyest costume in this joint. 1574 01:04:28.916 --> 01:04:31.416 Look at it. Oh, this suit is fabulous. 1575 01:04:31.500 --> 01:04:32.583 I look good, don't I? 1576 01:04:32.666 --> 01:04:34.458 I look good. Tell me I look good. 1577 01:04:34.541 --> 01:04:35.791 You look ridiculous. 1578 01:04:35.875 --> 01:04:38.416 And you're scaring people and not in a good way. 1579 01:04:38.500 --> 01:04:40.125 You judging me, Jack Sparrow? 1580 01:04:40.208 --> 01:04:42.875 I'm the Black Panther. Wakanda forever! 1581 01:04:42.958 --> 01:04:46.333 -You look nothing like the Black Panther. -I'm unique. This is my interpretation. 1582 01:04:46.416 --> 01:04:47.916 Look, I've been practicing the accent. 1583 01:04:48.000 --> 01:04:50.000 [in Wakanda accent] Hello. How are you today? 1584 01:04:50.083 --> 01:04:52.083 -That's actually really good. -Good, right? 1585 01:04:52.166 --> 01:04:54.333 -Ahoy, mateys! -Oh, hey. 1586 01:04:54.416 --> 01:04:55.916 Good... it fits. 1587 01:04:57.166 --> 01:04:58.166 Perfectly. 1588 01:05:00.708 --> 01:05:03.541 -Uh, Neil, this is my sister, Abby. -Hi. 1589 01:05:04.208 --> 01:05:06.750 [Neil clears throat and yodels] 1590 01:05:07.250 --> 01:05:11.208 [in Wakanda accent] Hello. How are you today, my fine German pussycat? 1591 01:05:11.291 --> 01:05:12.125 [Abby chuckles] 1592 01:05:13.125 --> 01:05:15.083 No. Thank you. 1593 01:05:15.458 --> 01:05:16.375 [stammers] 1594 01:05:16.916 --> 01:05:19.250 [grunts] Panther on the prowl. 1595 01:05:20.291 --> 01:05:21.958 [Neil] Where'd you go, baby girl? 1596 01:05:22.291 --> 01:05:23.125 Drink? 1597 01:05:23.208 --> 01:05:24.916 -Immediately. -Two, please. 1598 01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:26.166 -[Neil] Oh! -[Abby] Oh, my-- 1599 01:05:26.250 --> 01:05:27.916 [Neil] Hey! What's up? 1600 01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:29.708 I see. You're playing hard to get. 1601 01:05:29.791 --> 01:05:31.791 [Neil] She's playing hard to get. Wakanda forever. 1602 01:05:31.875 --> 01:05:33.583 [Neil chuckles] Let me go get her. 1603 01:05:33.666 --> 01:05:34.625 [Neil purring] 1604 01:05:34.708 --> 01:05:37.708 [Neil] Hey, baby, come back. Chill right here. I don't bite. 1605 01:05:37.791 --> 01:05:39.041 [Neil chuckles] 1606 01:05:40.500 --> 01:05:42.750 -[song changes] -[Sloane] Liz, great party. Congrats. 1607 01:05:42.833 --> 01:05:46.250 It's a complete disaster. Who fills a place with this much dry ice? 1608 01:05:46.333 --> 01:05:49.083 But that's fun. And you know, scary and-- 1609 01:05:49.625 --> 01:05:51.333 I love the costume. 1610 01:05:51.416 --> 01:05:54.583 I'm so embarrassed. We're supposed to be Cleopatra and Mark Antony. 1611 01:05:54.666 --> 01:05:56.458 Trick or treat, party people! 1612 01:05:56.916 --> 01:05:58.500 Who are you supposed to be? 1613 01:05:58.583 --> 01:06:00.375 Marc Anthony. Whoo! 1614 01:06:01.708 --> 01:06:03.083 The little Latin singer? 1615 01:06:04.791 --> 01:06:06.000 JLo's husband? 1616 01:06:06.083 --> 01:06:07.625 They're not even together anymore. 1617 01:06:07.708 --> 01:06:09.208 She's with Alex Rodriguez now. 1618 01:06:10.666 --> 01:06:11.500 [gasps] 1619 01:06:12.833 --> 01:06:14.500 You invited Luc? 1620 01:06:14.583 --> 01:06:15.791 Hello, everyone. 1621 01:06:16.833 --> 01:06:19.500 -Happy Halloween. -I love the slut costume. 1622 01:06:20.333 --> 01:06:21.666 Thank you. 1623 01:06:21.750 --> 01:06:24.166 Yours too. I mean, that big belly's incredible. 1624 01:06:24.250 --> 01:06:26.541 You look really, really pregnant. 1625 01:06:26.625 --> 01:06:28.625 -Not fake! -[Jackson] Not fake? 1626 01:06:28.708 --> 01:06:30.416 Not fake. [chuckles] 1627 01:06:30.833 --> 01:06:32.083 Uh... due in two days. 1628 01:06:32.500 --> 01:06:34.166 [Luc] I couldn't keep her at home. 1629 01:06:34.250 --> 01:06:37.166 I told you, baby, this baby's not gonna change our lives. 1630 01:06:37.250 --> 01:06:41.625 [laughing sarcastically] 1631 01:06:41.708 --> 01:06:43.000 That's adorable. 1632 01:06:43.083 --> 01:06:44.041 Thank you. 1633 01:06:44.125 --> 01:06:45.208 Wow. [chuckles] 1634 01:06:45.708 --> 01:06:46.541 Pregnant! 1635 01:06:46.958 --> 01:06:48.500 [Sloane laughs nervously] Oh! 1636 01:06:48.583 --> 01:06:50.250 -She's pregnant. -I know. 1637 01:06:50.333 --> 01:06:51.833 She's adorable. 1638 01:06:51.916 --> 01:06:54.458 -Wanna get a drink? Let's get a drink. -Congrats. 1639 01:06:54.541 --> 01:06:57.416 -[Felicity] Thank you. -Congratulations. 1640 01:06:57.500 --> 01:06:58.875 -Thank you so much. -Thank you. 1641 01:06:58.958 --> 01:07:01.333 I'm so happy for you. Wow! 1642 01:07:02.041 --> 01:07:04.375 Pregnant? She's fucking pregnant? 1643 01:07:04.458 --> 01:07:07.541 How's this even possible? She's barely out of puberty. 1644 01:07:07.625 --> 01:07:08.750 Oh, God! 1645 01:07:08.833 --> 01:07:11.458 -I don't feel well. -All right, listen. You need a drink. 1646 01:07:11.541 --> 01:07:14.416 No, I really don't feel well. 1647 01:07:14.500 --> 01:07:18.500 I've had about 50 mini-size candy bars. I've had a bucket of candy corn, 1648 01:07:18.583 --> 01:07:21.291 and my ex-boyfriend has impregnated a teenage girl. 1649 01:07:21.375 --> 01:07:23.208 Sweetie, here have another antacid. 1650 01:07:23.291 --> 01:07:24.791 [Jackson] Are you all right? 1651 01:07:25.083 --> 01:07:25.916 No. 1652 01:07:26.708 --> 01:07:27.958 No! Okay? 1653 01:07:28.041 --> 01:07:31.291 This is what I get for letting you trap me in this torture device! 1654 01:07:32.958 --> 01:07:35.458 -Do you want me to take you home? -Yeah. 1655 01:07:36.250 --> 01:07:38.250 -Oh. -It's all right. I can take her. 1656 01:07:38.333 --> 01:07:41.041 No. I can. I mean, it's just that-- 1657 01:07:41.125 --> 01:07:43.083 -If you're volunteering-- -[Jackson] It's fine. 1658 01:07:43.166 --> 01:07:46.083 -[Sloane] You don't have to do this. -Holidate rule number three: 1659 01:07:46.166 --> 01:07:48.166 Leave no holidate behind. Come on. 1660 01:07:53.875 --> 01:07:55.208 [tires screeching] 1661 01:07:56.833 --> 01:07:57.833 [Jackson] Okay. 1662 01:07:58.666 --> 01:08:02.125 [Jackson] All right. Come on, dear. Let's go. Let's go. 1663 01:08:02.208 --> 01:08:05.208 [Sloane grunts] You know what, just leave me. Ouch! 1664 01:08:05.333 --> 01:08:08.125 -Yeah, okay, no. We're gonna go. Ready? -Leave me, please. 1665 01:08:08.208 --> 01:08:10.208 -One, two, three! -No, no, no! No! 1666 01:08:10.291 --> 01:08:11.250 [Jackson grunts] 1667 01:08:11.333 --> 01:08:12.333 Okay. 1668 01:08:12.416 --> 01:08:13.500 Come on. 1669 01:08:13.583 --> 01:08:14.750 We're almost there. 1670 01:08:15.833 --> 01:08:17.500 -[Jackson grunts] -[Sloane moans] 1671 01:08:17.583 --> 01:08:18.583 Oh, my God. 1672 01:08:18.833 --> 01:08:21.416 -It's Halloween! -Yeah, hence the costumes. 1673 01:08:21.500 --> 01:08:24.750 February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October. 1674 01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:26.041 They did it 1675 01:08:26.125 --> 01:08:27.916 on Valentine's Day. 1676 01:08:28.500 --> 01:08:30.375 Everyone did it on Valentine's Day. 1677 01:08:30.458 --> 01:08:33.125 -I didn't do it on Valentine's Day! -[elevator dings] 1678 01:08:33.208 --> 01:08:34.208 Neither did I! 1679 01:08:34.291 --> 01:08:37.625 They hardly even know each other, and they’re already procreating. 1680 01:08:37.708 --> 01:08:39.291 It's a mess. Let's go. Come on. 1681 01:08:39.375 --> 01:08:41.708 Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. 1682 01:08:41.791 --> 01:08:44.708 -Trust me, I've seen much worse. -How could this get worse? 1683 01:08:44.791 --> 01:08:46.333 -Yeah. -My tummy hurts. 1684 01:08:46.416 --> 01:08:48.125 -Can I have one more pill? -Yeah. 1685 01:08:48.208 --> 01:08:50.208 [upbeat music playing] 1686 01:08:51.500 --> 01:08:52.333 [Abby] Oh, shit! 1687 01:08:53.333 --> 01:08:59.416 [stomach growling, gurgling] 1688 01:09:01.041 --> 01:09:02.125 Untie me. 1689 01:09:02.833 --> 01:09:04.791 -What? -Just-- don't question! 1690 01:09:04.875 --> 01:09:06.000 Just untie me! 1691 01:09:06.083 --> 01:09:07.083 Come on. 1692 01:09:08.041 --> 01:09:11.458 -The laces! Hurry! -What the hell is all this? 1693 01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:13.458 I'm trying, okay? I'm trying! 1694 01:09:13.541 --> 01:09:15.375 [stomach gurgling] 1695 01:09:15.458 --> 01:09:16.291 Just rip it. 1696 01:09:16.750 --> 01:09:17.750 Okay, just-- 1697 01:09:17.833 --> 01:09:20.166 You know what?Just rip it. 1698 01:09:20.250 --> 01:09:22.875 Just rip my fucking pants off! 1699 01:09:22.958 --> 01:09:23.958 [elevator dings] 1700 01:09:25.458 --> 01:09:27.458 [stomach growls] 1701 01:09:30.458 --> 01:09:31.500 [elevator dings] 1702 01:09:31.583 --> 01:09:33.666 [Jackson] You're locked up like Houdini in this! 1703 01:09:33.750 --> 01:09:35.916 -[Sloane] This is your fault! -[stomach gurgling loudly] 1704 01:09:36.000 --> 01:09:38.166 Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus! 1705 01:09:38.250 --> 01:09:40.416 Please don't let this happen to me. 1706 01:09:40.500 --> 01:09:41.458 Fuck! 1707 01:09:42.833 --> 01:09:45.375 Don't let me be the girl who shits her pants. 1708 01:09:45.458 --> 01:09:48.125 [Jackson] Come on, almost there! I'm almost there. 1709 01:09:49.000 --> 01:09:51.250 [Sloane] Get it off. [stomach growls] 1710 01:09:51.333 --> 01:09:53.291 -[Jackson] Shit. Come on. -[Sloane] The door. 1711 01:09:53.375 --> 01:09:55.583 -You got it. Come on. We got it. -Shit! 1712 01:09:55.666 --> 01:09:56.791 [Sloane grunts] 1713 01:09:56.875 --> 01:09:59.083 -Come on. You're all right. Close! -[Sloane] Let me go! 1714 01:09:59.166 --> 01:10:01.291 -[Jackson] Wait, wait, wait! -[Sloane] I can't! I can't! 1715 01:10:01.375 --> 01:10:03.125 [stomach growling] 1716 01:10:03.208 --> 01:10:04.625 Got it! 1717 01:10:04.708 --> 01:10:06.458 [Sloane screaming] Oh, no! 1718 01:10:06.541 --> 01:10:08.583 [Sloane moans and cries] 1719 01:10:08.666 --> 01:10:09.916 Did you make it? 1720 01:10:10.625 --> 01:10:12.250 [Sloane] Go away! 1721 01:10:13.583 --> 01:10:14.500 Go away! 1722 01:10:28.083 --> 01:10:29.125 Don't look at me. 1723 01:10:29.208 --> 01:10:30.541 I'm not looking. 1724 01:10:39.208 --> 01:10:40.083 [sighs] 1725 01:10:59.333 --> 01:11:00.666 Peppermint tea. 1726 01:11:01.250 --> 01:11:02.375 Helps with the nausea. 1727 01:11:03.666 --> 01:11:05.125 I have peppermint tea? 1728 01:11:05.833 --> 01:11:07.000 Uh, sort of. 1729 01:11:07.083 --> 01:11:10.250 I mean, it's just crushed Altoids in boiling water. 1730 01:11:11.333 --> 01:11:12.166 Hmm. 1731 01:11:13.666 --> 01:11:14.500 [sighs] 1732 01:11:15.875 --> 01:11:16.791 So, I guess... 1733 01:11:17.416 --> 01:11:20.208 I'll be an anecdote you tell at parties now? 1734 01:11:21.166 --> 01:11:22.416 The girl who... 1735 01:11:24.125 --> 01:11:25.958 [sighs] The girl who... 1736 01:11:27.541 --> 01:11:28.375 [whimpers] 1737 01:11:28.875 --> 01:11:30.958 The girl who shit her pants on Halloween? 1738 01:11:31.458 --> 01:11:32.916 Oh, God. 1739 01:11:33.000 --> 01:11:33.875 [moans] 1740 01:11:34.750 --> 01:11:35.583 [whimpers] 1741 01:11:37.083 --> 01:11:38.000 You know, 1742 01:11:38.583 --> 01:11:39.458 technically... 1743 01:11:40.625 --> 01:11:43.333 we've all been shitting our pants since we were born. 1744 01:11:45.458 --> 01:11:46.333 [chuckles] 1745 01:11:49.458 --> 01:11:51.666 Don't worry, okay? I'm not gonna tell anyone. 1746 01:11:52.708 --> 01:11:53.666 I promise. 1747 01:12:00.958 --> 01:12:01.791 Thank you. 1748 01:12:18.708 --> 01:12:19.750 [sniffs] 1749 01:12:23.500 --> 01:12:24.458 [sighs] 1750 01:12:26.291 --> 01:12:28.291 [birds chirping] 1751 01:12:35.000 --> 01:12:37.000 [dog barking in distance] 1752 01:12:39.625 --> 01:12:41.625 [sirens wailing in distance] 1753 01:12:47.958 --> 01:12:49.208 [both chuckle] 1754 01:12:51.208 --> 01:12:52.250 [both sigh] 1755 01:12:54.333 --> 01:12:55.208 [Sloane chuckles] 1756 01:12:56.500 --> 01:12:58.083 [Jackson exhales] 1757 01:13:11.416 --> 01:13:14.625 [Sloane] I hate, in movies, when people kiss in the morning. 1758 01:13:15.833 --> 01:13:17.375 I think it's gross. 1759 01:13:17.458 --> 01:13:18.416 [both chuckle] 1760 01:14:47.625 --> 01:14:48.458 [Jackson] Wow. 1761 01:14:49.875 --> 01:14:50.708 [Sloane] Yeah. 1762 01:14:53.125 --> 01:14:54.625 So, I guess we should.... 1763 01:14:56.041 --> 01:14:58.041 [sighs] You can go if you want. 1764 01:14:58.708 --> 01:14:59.541 [pants] 1765 01:15:00.375 --> 01:15:01.416 You want me to leave? 1766 01:15:02.708 --> 01:15:03.541 [chuckles] 1767 01:15:05.916 --> 01:15:08.916 I-- I mean, if-- if-- if you want. I-- 1768 01:15:09.666 --> 01:15:10.500 Don't feel 1769 01:15:11.250 --> 01:15:12.625 obligated to stay. 1770 01:15:13.708 --> 01:15:14.791 Obligated? 1771 01:15:16.750 --> 01:15:18.958 Halloween's over, right? 1772 01:15:21.458 --> 01:15:22.291 Right. 1773 01:15:23.166 --> 01:15:24.375 Halloween's over. 1774 01:15:28.541 --> 01:15:30.333 [doorbell dings repeatedly] 1775 01:15:30.416 --> 01:15:31.750 [knocking on door repeatedly] 1776 01:15:31.833 --> 01:15:34.000 [doorbell dings repeatedly] 1777 01:15:35.583 --> 01:15:37.583 [knocking continues] 1778 01:15:39.041 --> 01:15:40.083 [knocking continues] 1779 01:15:41.000 --> 01:15:42.708 [doorbell dings repeatedly] 1780 01:15:42.791 --> 01:15:44.833 [knocking rapidly] 1781 01:15:44.916 --> 01:15:46.666 [Sloane] All right, coming! 1782 01:15:47.250 --> 01:15:49.291 -[Sloane gasps] -[Abby breathing heavily] 1783 01:15:49.375 --> 01:15:50.916 I kissed the Black Panther. 1784 01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:52.666 -What? -The Black Panther! 1785 01:15:53.208 --> 01:15:54.291 I kissed him! 1786 01:15:54.375 --> 01:15:56.000 We were standing in line, 1787 01:15:56.375 --> 01:15:59.500 you know, waiting for the bathroom, and then it suddenly happened. 1788 01:15:59.583 --> 01:16:00.458 We kissed. 1789 01:16:00.541 --> 01:16:02.000 Ew! With tongue? 1790 01:16:02.083 --> 01:16:02.958 [Abby gags] 1791 01:16:03.041 --> 01:16:06.458 Oh, my God. I'm a horrible person. I'm going to hell a thousand times. 1792 01:16:06.541 --> 01:16:10.208 -You're not a horrible person-- -Oh, my God! Yes, I am! Yes, I am! 1793 01:16:10.291 --> 01:16:12.916 I am a horrible wife and mother, 1794 01:16:13.000 --> 01:16:15.666 and I am married to a freaking saint. 1795 01:16:15.750 --> 01:16:18.291 Peter is, like, the best man in the whole world, 1796 01:16:18.375 --> 01:16:20.000 and this is how I treat him? 1797 01:16:20.625 --> 01:16:22.083 I hate myself. 1798 01:16:22.416 --> 01:16:24.500 -No-- -I can't fucking believe 1799 01:16:24.583 --> 01:16:29.041 that I kissed the Black Panther! [screaming] 1800 01:16:29.125 --> 01:16:30.250 [sobbing] 1801 01:16:30.333 --> 01:16:31.916 [grunts and screams] 1802 01:16:32.541 --> 01:16:33.541 Morning, Abby. 1803 01:16:33.625 --> 01:16:34.625 [sobbing stops abruptly] 1804 01:16:39.791 --> 01:16:40.708 Oh, hi. 1805 01:16:41.208 --> 01:16:42.250 Hey, um... 1806 01:16:43.208 --> 01:16:45.958 I was just telling Sloane about this dream I had last night. 1807 01:16:46.041 --> 01:16:47.041 [Jackson] Cool. 1808 01:16:48.583 --> 01:16:49.875 Well, I was just leaving. 1809 01:16:52.250 --> 01:16:53.083 Wait. 1810 01:16:56.500 --> 01:16:57.625 You guys had sex. 1811 01:16:57.708 --> 01:16:58.833 [scoffs] 1812 01:16:58.916 --> 01:17:00.000 No, we didn't. 1813 01:17:00.416 --> 01:17:01.333 We didn't? 1814 01:17:04.708 --> 01:17:06.000 Oh, I should go. Okay. 1815 01:17:06.083 --> 01:17:07.500 No, no, no! You should stay. 1816 01:17:07.583 --> 01:17:09.791 You seem-- you seem really upset 1817 01:17:09.875 --> 01:17:11.375 about your dream. 1818 01:17:12.375 --> 01:17:14.291 Yeah. You stay. I'll go. 1819 01:17:19.666 --> 01:17:20.583 Okay? 1820 01:17:25.875 --> 01:17:26.708 Okay. 1821 01:17:28.333 --> 01:17:29.208 Bye. 1822 01:17:30.250 --> 01:17:32.333 Okay, bye! See you at Thanksgiving! 1823 01:17:36.333 --> 01:17:37.583 What the hell was that? 1824 01:17:38.666 --> 01:17:39.958 What? 1825 01:17:40.375 --> 01:17:41.500 Nothing. 1826 01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:43.041 I'm gonna make coffee. 1827 01:17:43.125 --> 01:17:45.000 She practically shoved me out the door. 1828 01:17:45.833 --> 01:17:47.875 -She didn't even want to snuggle? -Uh-uh. 1829 01:17:47.958 --> 01:17:49.583 -Cuddle? -No. 1830 01:17:49.666 --> 01:17:50.791 Go to brunch? 1831 01:17:52.250 --> 01:17:53.708 I didn't get a cup of coffee. 1832 01:17:54.125 --> 01:17:56.208 [sighs] Damn, man. That hurts. 1833 01:17:56.291 --> 01:17:57.125 Hmm. 1834 01:17:57.458 --> 01:17:59.041 You know, I've never been asked to leave. 1835 01:17:59.125 --> 01:18:00.541 Yeah, bro. I feel you, okay? 1836 01:18:00.666 --> 01:18:03.750 Me and Abby had a real connection, and she hasn't even called. 1837 01:18:05.125 --> 01:18:07.416 Do you know what the last thing she said to me was? 1838 01:18:07.875 --> 01:18:09.416 "See you at Thanksgiving." 1839 01:18:09.958 --> 01:18:12.750 Like, it was completely meaningless to her. 1840 01:18:12.833 --> 01:18:14.541 That is cold, man. 1841 01:18:15.541 --> 01:18:17.625 But you still got your holidate, right? 1842 01:18:18.166 --> 01:18:21.833 -I don't think I can do it anymore. -This is what I'm thinking, okay? 1843 01:18:22.416 --> 01:18:25.250 You go to Thanksgiving, and act like nothing has changed. 1844 01:18:25.333 --> 01:18:26.166 Okay. 1845 01:18:26.250 --> 01:18:28.333 If it makes you feel better, I'll go with you. 1846 01:18:29.166 --> 01:18:30.500 -Why? -[chuckles] "Why?" 1847 01:18:31.583 --> 01:18:33.750 Me and Abby made a connection, remember? 1848 01:18:35.083 --> 01:18:36.208 -Really? -Yeah. 1849 01:18:36.666 --> 01:18:38.125 You made a connection 1850 01:18:38.208 --> 01:18:40.333 -with a married mother of four? -[groans] 1851 01:18:40.833 --> 01:18:43.208 Oh, it sounded bad when you said it like that. 1852 01:18:44.083 --> 01:18:46.416 -[sighs] But if she asks about me-- -She won't. 1853 01:18:46.500 --> 01:18:47.625 Yeah. Okay. 1854 01:18:48.041 --> 01:18:49.750 -But if she does-- -She will not. 1855 01:18:49.833 --> 01:18:50.958 Whoa. 1856 01:18:51.041 --> 01:18:51.958 Okay. 1857 01:18:52.458 --> 01:18:54.375 -Let it go. -I'm trying to let it go. 1858 01:18:55.000 --> 01:18:57.625 You don't wanna close one door 'cause it'll open another. 1859 01:18:57.708 --> 01:19:00.833 [Jackson] Yes, you do. Shut it tight. Lock it. 1860 01:19:00.916 --> 01:19:02.333 -If she does-- -She will not. 1861 01:19:02.416 --> 01:19:03.333 I'm here. 1862 01:19:04.750 --> 01:19:06.666 [Susan] Oh, hello! 1863 01:19:06.750 --> 01:19:09.375 Happy Thanksgiving. 1864 01:19:09.458 --> 01:19:11.333 -Happy Thanksgiving. -Kisses. 1865 01:19:11.583 --> 01:19:13.208 Mwah! Mwah! 1866 01:19:13.333 --> 01:19:15.500 Now, meet my new friend, Warren. 1867 01:19:15.916 --> 01:19:17.583 -Wally. -That's what I said. 1868 01:19:17.666 --> 01:19:19.083 [chuckles] Hi, I'm Abby. 1869 01:19:19.166 --> 01:19:20.500 -Wally. Yeah. -Sloane. 1870 01:19:20.583 --> 01:19:21.625 Sloane, pleasure-- 1871 01:19:22.416 --> 01:19:26.750 Ooh! Howdy-ho! Something smells great coming from this kitchen. 1872 01:19:26.833 --> 01:19:28.416 May I take a sample? 1873 01:19:28.500 --> 01:19:29.375 No. 1874 01:19:30.000 --> 01:19:30.875 Maybe later. 1875 01:19:31.458 --> 01:19:33.416 I told you, my sister burns everything. 1876 01:19:33.500 --> 01:19:35.541 It's not burnt. It's well-done. 1877 01:19:36.583 --> 01:19:38.166 That's what basting is for. 1878 01:19:38.541 --> 01:19:39.708 It's okay with me. 1879 01:19:39.791 --> 01:19:41.791 Kind of like my meat a little crispy. 1880 01:19:47.875 --> 01:19:49.208 You didn't invite Faarooq? 1881 01:19:49.291 --> 01:19:50.791 Oh, that? Oh, no. 1882 01:19:51.750 --> 01:19:53.083 You know me. 1883 01:19:53.166 --> 01:19:54.833 One holidate per customer. 1884 01:19:54.916 --> 01:19:57.125 But you guys seemed so happy together. 1885 01:19:57.208 --> 01:20:00.083 Short and sweet, honey. Everything ends eventually. 1886 01:20:00.750 --> 01:20:03.083 So, why sit around waiting for it to happen? 1887 01:20:08.708 --> 01:20:12.083 Liz, York. Abby, Peter, me, 1888 01:20:12.166 --> 01:20:14.625 Susan, Susan's latest. 1889 01:20:14.708 --> 01:20:16.375 Me and Jackson. 1890 01:20:16.458 --> 01:20:18.333 Are you sure he's coming? 1891 01:20:18.416 --> 01:20:20.083 I don't want to put the leaf in. 1892 01:20:20.166 --> 01:20:21.000 Yes. 1893 01:20:21.083 --> 01:20:21.916 He's coming. 1894 01:20:22.333 --> 01:20:23.875 And he's coming alone, right? 1895 01:20:24.291 --> 01:20:25.333 Okay, all right. 1896 01:20:25.583 --> 01:20:27.875 -Just put the leaf in. -It's in the basement. 1897 01:20:27.958 --> 01:20:30.208 -[Sloane] Mom. -We can use the piano bench. 1898 01:20:30.291 --> 01:20:32.208 Just put the goddamn leaf in! 1899 01:20:32.625 --> 01:20:33.666 [fire alarm beeping] 1900 01:20:34.083 --> 01:20:35.208 [Liz] Is everything okay? 1901 01:20:35.291 --> 01:20:37.291 [Elaine] Oh! Oh! 1902 01:20:37.750 --> 01:20:40.208 -[Liz] Is dinner burning? -[Elaine coughing] 1903 01:20:40.291 --> 01:20:41.500 I'll call 911. 1904 01:20:41.583 --> 01:20:43.208 No. No. It's okay, honey. 1905 01:20:43.291 --> 01:20:45.333 Nana just burnt the turkey and stuffing 1906 01:20:45.416 --> 01:20:47.291 and hopefully a pie. 1907 01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:51.541 -Yams. Not sweet potatoes. -Yeah, I got it. 1908 01:20:51.625 --> 01:20:52.791 And cranberry sauce. 1909 01:20:52.875 --> 01:20:54.250 Not that hoity-toity crap 1910 01:20:54.333 --> 01:20:56.333 -claiming to be whole cranberries. -Yes. 1911 01:20:56.416 --> 01:20:57.333 And a pie! 1912 01:21:02.625 --> 01:21:03.500 Hi. 1913 01:21:03.583 --> 01:21:04.416 Hey. 1914 01:21:05.166 --> 01:21:06.083 Hello. 1915 01:21:07.750 --> 01:21:08.791 [Elaine] Oh! 1916 01:21:08.875 --> 01:21:10.375 We're covered for dessert, 1917 01:21:10.458 --> 01:21:12.750 but maybe the neighbors can use it. 1918 01:21:15.625 --> 01:21:17.750 I have to go to the store. So, you can... 1919 01:21:19.041 --> 01:21:19.916 I'll drive. 1920 01:21:20.333 --> 01:21:21.375 [birds chirping] 1921 01:21:21.833 --> 01:21:22.791 Okay. 1922 01:21:26.916 --> 01:21:28.916 [pumping air] 1923 01:21:37.291 --> 01:21:38.208 So... 1924 01:21:39.041 --> 01:21:39.958 how have you been? 1925 01:21:40.750 --> 01:21:41.666 Good. 1926 01:21:42.125 --> 01:21:42.958 Busy. 1927 01:21:43.625 --> 01:21:44.500 You? 1928 01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:45.833 Good. 1929 01:21:46.083 --> 01:21:47.000 Busy. 1930 01:21:48.625 --> 01:21:50.791 -Chip? -You know I don't eat that shit. 1931 01:21:50.875 --> 01:21:52.625 It's not shit. It's organic. 1932 01:21:53.041 --> 01:21:55.750 Are we gonna pretend like what happened didn't happen? 1933 01:21:55.833 --> 01:21:56.875 Works for me. 1934 01:21:59.875 --> 01:22:02.791 Okay, but for the record, I'm not the one that wanted to leave that morning. 1935 01:22:02.875 --> 01:22:04.791 Oh, I didn't hear you asking to stay. 1936 01:22:04.875 --> 01:22:06.833 Well, you didn't give me a chance. 1937 01:22:06.916 --> 01:22:08.041 Oh, please. 1938 01:22:08.125 --> 01:22:10.833 You didn't want to have sex with me in the first place. 1939 01:22:11.291 --> 01:22:12.375 [girl gasps] 1940 01:22:13.166 --> 01:22:16.041 [woman] Hmm. Come on. Let's go. 1941 01:22:16.958 --> 01:22:19.166 You're not even that attracted to me, right? 1942 01:22:19.666 --> 01:22:21.125 Why can't you let that go? 1943 01:22:22.083 --> 01:22:24.000 Because when a guy basically opens 1944 01:22:24.083 --> 01:22:26.500 with the fact he doesn't find a girl attractive, 1945 01:22:26.583 --> 01:22:29.041 it kinda sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. 1946 01:22:31.125 --> 01:22:33.833 I was some random bloke at the mall. 1947 01:22:33.916 --> 01:22:36.250 Honestly, what do you think would have happened 1948 01:22:36.333 --> 01:22:38.916 if I'd said, "Hey, I think you're incredibly beautiful! 1949 01:22:40.625 --> 01:22:42.083 With these lips that... 1950 01:22:43.833 --> 01:22:45.208 beg to be kissed. 1951 01:22:47.916 --> 01:22:48.916 These eyes that are-- 1952 01:22:50.916 --> 01:22:53.541 Honestly, I don't know what they are. They make me forget my name. 1953 01:22:57.916 --> 01:23:00.000 There's just no way you would've gone out with me. 1954 01:23:00.500 --> 01:23:02.375 Especially, not on New Year's Eve. 1955 01:23:05.500 --> 01:23:06.500 So... 1956 01:23:09.291 --> 01:23:10.625 does that change anything? 1957 01:23:14.666 --> 01:23:15.625 No. 1958 01:23:16.125 --> 01:23:17.208 Nothing has changed. 1959 01:23:18.083 --> 01:23:19.833 In fact, you can relax 1960 01:23:19.916 --> 01:23:23.625 and continue to bang all the cocktail waitresses you want between holidays. 1961 01:23:23.708 --> 01:23:26.625 No one is expecting you to drop a knee at Thanksgiving. 1962 01:23:31.375 --> 01:23:32.583 Thanks for the update. 1963 01:23:32.666 --> 01:23:34.625 At least I'm not the asshole this time. 1964 01:23:34.708 --> 01:23:37.791 What is that supposed to mean? You think I'm being an asshole? 1965 01:23:37.875 --> 01:23:38.708 Yeah. 1966 01:23:39.125 --> 01:23:40.666 -Me? -Yes! 1967 01:23:40.750 --> 01:23:44.166 You're trying so hard not to feel anything. 1968 01:23:44.250 --> 01:23:47.083 That means you're lying to both of us. And that makes you an asshole. 1969 01:23:48.125 --> 01:23:50.166 Well, I'd rather be an asshole 1970 01:23:50.250 --> 01:23:53.875 than so desperate for companionship that I troll the mall for a holidate. 1971 01:23:53.958 --> 01:23:54.958 No. 1972 01:23:55.041 --> 01:23:57.416 You were desperate enough to take me up on the offer. 1973 01:23:59.708 --> 01:24:01.666 -Where are you going? -I'm going away. 1974 01:24:01.750 --> 01:24:04.041 [scoffs] Fine. Go. 1975 01:24:04.583 --> 01:24:07.333 I see another ugly Christmas sweater in your future! 1976 01:24:12.708 --> 01:24:13.875 Maybe there is. 1977 01:24:15.000 --> 01:24:17.291 But at least I won't be alone, 1978 01:24:17.500 --> 01:24:20.958 sitting at the kids table, blaming everyone else for my problems. 1979 01:24:22.916 --> 01:24:24.166 And you know what? 1980 01:24:25.083 --> 01:24:26.500 I bet you money, 1981 01:24:26.583 --> 01:24:29.083 that if Ryan Gosling waltzed down this frozen food aisle, 1982 01:24:29.166 --> 01:24:33.458 and offered to take you on the ride of your life, you would still say no. 1983 01:24:36.708 --> 01:24:39.083 'Cause you'd be too afraid to get on that train. 1984 01:24:39.916 --> 01:24:41.500 The Ryan Gosling train. 1985 01:24:46.125 --> 01:24:48.000 You are so wrong! 1986 01:24:49.916 --> 01:24:53.083 Ryan Gosling would never do his own shopping! 1987 01:24:55.666 --> 01:24:57.416 He's way too cool for that. 1988 01:25:01.125 --> 01:25:04.125 Well, I think you should stop being so cheap and buy a new table. 1989 01:25:04.208 --> 01:25:05.625 This is Mother's table! 1990 01:25:05.708 --> 01:25:08.125 You're just jealous because she left it to me. 1991 01:25:08.750 --> 01:25:10.208 Because I didn't want it. 1992 01:25:10.291 --> 01:25:12.000 I think it's a beautiful table. 1993 01:25:12.083 --> 01:25:13.583 Oh, shut up, Warren. 1994 01:25:13.666 --> 01:25:14.875 -Wally. -Wally. 1995 01:25:15.375 --> 01:25:16.625 -[Elaine chuckles] -[door slams] 1996 01:25:18.125 --> 01:25:19.750 Hey. Where's Jackson? 1997 01:25:19.833 --> 01:25:21.625 Uh... don't know. Don't care. 1998 01:25:21.708 --> 01:25:23.625 I knew it! No leaf! 1999 01:25:23.958 --> 01:25:25.875 [Abby] Jesus, Sloane, what did you do? 2000 01:25:26.333 --> 01:25:28.708 I didn't do anything. What makes you think it was me? 2001 01:25:29.375 --> 01:25:31.958 Well, honey, you don't have the best track record. 2002 01:25:32.041 --> 01:25:33.666 Maybe you can still apologize? 2003 01:25:33.750 --> 01:25:36.458 -Yeah, Sloane. Jack's a good guy. -Whoa. Wait a second. 2004 01:25:37.000 --> 01:25:38.625 What makes you think this was my fault? 2005 01:25:38.708 --> 01:25:42.125 -If you would be honest with him. -Oh, you want me to be honest? 2006 01:25:42.416 --> 01:25:44.000 Yes. Yes. And then maybe, for once, 2007 01:25:44.083 --> 01:25:47.166 we could get through a holiday without your personal life ruining dinner. 2008 01:25:47.250 --> 01:25:48.625 My personal life? 2009 01:25:48.708 --> 01:25:49.875 It's a mess! 2010 01:25:49.958 --> 01:25:51.916 It's always a mess! 2011 01:25:52.000 --> 01:25:53.583 Okay, well, my "personal life" 2012 01:25:53.666 --> 01:25:56.916 might be a mess, but at least I didn't kiss the Black Panther! 2013 01:25:57.000 --> 01:25:58.041 You bitch. 2014 01:25:58.416 --> 01:26:00.875 -What's the black panther? -Jackson's friend at Halloween? 2015 01:26:00.958 --> 01:26:02.791 He was dressed as Black Panther. It was legit. 2016 01:26:02.875 --> 01:26:05.583 [Peter] Wait, what? You kissed the Black Panther? 2017 01:26:07.750 --> 01:26:09.666 Barely. It was an accident. 2018 01:26:09.750 --> 01:26:12.750 -I didn't see any tongue. -You saw them kiss and didn't tell me? 2019 01:26:12.833 --> 01:26:14.916 -You can't keep secrets. -How do you know? 2020 01:26:15.000 --> 01:26:17.250 -You know nothing about me! -I was trick-or-treating. 2021 01:26:17.333 --> 01:26:20.541 I trusted you. I let you go to a party without me! 2022 01:26:20.625 --> 01:26:21.458 [toys squeak] 2023 01:26:21.541 --> 01:26:23.458 I go everywhere without you. 2024 01:26:23.791 --> 01:26:25.833 And you never have time for me. 2025 01:26:25.916 --> 01:26:28.041 -All you care about is the kids! -One of us has to! 2026 01:26:28.125 --> 01:26:30.291 -[loud bang] -[Elaine] Wally! 2027 01:26:30.375 --> 01:26:32.291 -Oh, my God! He's choking! -York, do the Heimlich! 2028 01:26:32.375 --> 01:26:34.208 -I don't know the Heimlich. -How can you not? 2029 01:26:34.291 --> 01:26:36.041 Step aside! I know the Heimlich! 2030 01:26:36.125 --> 01:26:38.791 Stop it! He's not choking! He's having a heart attack. 2031 01:26:38.875 --> 01:26:40.166 Somebody call 911. 2032 01:26:40.250 --> 01:26:42.458 -I'm on it! -[siren wailing] 2033 01:26:47.833 --> 01:26:50.458 -You can ride with us, ma'am. -What? No. We're not together. 2034 01:26:50.541 --> 01:26:53.416 -Aunt Susan, go! -You have to come with me. 2035 01:26:53.500 --> 01:26:54.458 -No. No, no. -Yes. 2036 01:26:54.541 --> 01:26:55.583 You're coming. 2037 01:26:55.666 --> 01:26:56.500 Go! Go! 2038 01:26:59.000 --> 01:27:00.083 [siren wails] 2039 01:27:00.166 --> 01:27:01.541 [woman chatting on PA] 2040 01:27:01.625 --> 01:27:04.375 -He's in good hands now. Let's go. -No. 2041 01:27:04.458 --> 01:27:07.625 We can't go. Your date just had a heart attack. 2042 01:27:07.708 --> 01:27:08.958 I barely know him. 2043 01:27:09.041 --> 01:27:10.750 I had to write his name on my arm. 2044 01:27:11.166 --> 01:27:12.041 Look. 2045 01:27:12.625 --> 01:27:13.458 [gasps] 2046 01:27:14.333 --> 01:27:15.166 [Susan] Hmm. 2047 01:27:15.916 --> 01:27:17.375 It's all my fault, you know. 2048 01:27:18.583 --> 01:27:21.000 [sighs] I've had so many opportunities. 2049 01:27:21.083 --> 01:27:24.041 I've had so many men that loved me. 2050 01:27:24.291 --> 01:27:25.208 [chuckles] 2051 01:27:26.083 --> 01:27:28.541 Once they got too close, I backed off. 2052 01:27:29.625 --> 01:27:31.041 So, here I am at... 2053 01:27:32.750 --> 01:27:34.916 age 49. 2054 01:27:36.416 --> 01:27:37.541 It's too late now. 2055 01:27:37.625 --> 01:27:38.916 Wallace Lupinski? 2056 01:27:39.333 --> 01:27:41.375 Is anyone here for Mr. Lupinski? 2057 01:27:42.750 --> 01:27:44.000 [woman on PA] 2058 01:27:44.250 --> 01:27:45.125 Faarooq? 2059 01:27:47.666 --> 01:27:48.500 Susan. 2060 01:27:51.041 --> 01:27:52.625 You're working on Thanksgiving. 2061 01:27:55.041 --> 01:27:56.041 Are you here for... 2062 01:27:56.875 --> 01:27:57.833 Wallace Lupinski? 2063 01:27:58.750 --> 01:27:59.583 Uh... 2064 01:28:00.083 --> 01:28:00.916 No. 2065 01:28:02.875 --> 01:28:03.958 You sure, 'cause... 2066 01:28:04.875 --> 01:28:06.375 Oh, he's a family friend. 2067 01:28:06.458 --> 01:28:07.833 How's he doing, by the way? 2068 01:28:09.708 --> 01:28:10.625 Mild heart attack, 2069 01:28:11.125 --> 01:28:12.291 but he's gonna be fine. 2070 01:28:16.041 --> 01:28:17.250 It was nice to see you. 2071 01:28:22.041 --> 01:28:23.833 [mutters nervously] 2072 01:28:27.958 --> 01:28:30.208 -Say something. -I can't. Let's just go. 2073 01:28:30.916 --> 01:28:33.666 No. You have to say something. Say anything, just-- 2074 01:28:34.416 --> 01:28:35.250 I fucked up! 2075 01:28:37.916 --> 01:28:39.625 You're the most amazing man I've ever met. 2076 01:28:40.291 --> 01:28:41.583 So, you broke up with me. 2077 01:28:44.958 --> 01:28:46.875 I got scared. It's what I do. 2078 01:28:48.500 --> 01:28:50.750 Losing you was the dumbest mistake of my life. 2079 01:28:51.458 --> 01:28:52.291 [chuckles] 2080 01:28:52.916 --> 01:28:55.041 Please tell me we can have another chance? 2081 01:28:56.541 --> 01:28:57.625 [man chatting on PA] 2082 01:28:58.750 --> 01:28:59.750 I can't... 2083 01:29:02.250 --> 01:29:03.416 imagine... 2084 01:29:04.583 --> 01:29:06.291 being happy without you. 2085 01:29:08.541 --> 01:29:10.041 -Susan. -Yeah. 2086 01:29:10.500 --> 01:29:11.541 I love you. 2087 01:29:12.083 --> 01:29:13.541 [mumbles] I love you. 2088 01:29:18.416 --> 01:29:19.416 [chuckles] 2089 01:29:35.958 --> 01:29:36.833 [sighs] 2090 01:30:12.125 --> 01:30:13.333 [Jackson] See you, mate. 2091 01:30:28.750 --> 01:30:30.958 [choir singing "Deck The Halls"] 2092 01:30:33.583 --> 01:30:36.500 ♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪ 2093 01:30:37.458 --> 01:30:40.625 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la Fa la la la la, la la la la... ♪ 2094 01:30:40.708 --> 01:30:43.708 So, you're stalking him but not actually speaking to him? 2095 01:30:43.791 --> 01:30:49.083 Well, I wouldn't call showing up outside his door and hiding "stalking," but okay. 2096 01:30:49.166 --> 01:30:50.625 Well, I recommend therapy. 2097 01:30:50.708 --> 01:30:54.041 York and I are finally taking off our masks and getting to know each other. 2098 01:30:54.125 --> 01:30:55.000 No, thanks. 2099 01:30:55.083 --> 01:30:56.375 I like my masks. 2100 01:30:56.958 --> 01:31:02.000 ♪ Fa la la la la, la la la Deck the halls... ♪ 2101 01:31:02.083 --> 01:31:03.500 [music fades away] 2102 01:31:10.791 --> 01:31:12.708 It's fate. Go after him. 2103 01:31:12.791 --> 01:31:13.958 It's not fate. 2104 01:31:14.041 --> 01:31:16.291 The guy practically lives at the mall. 2105 01:31:16.958 --> 01:31:18.875 [sighs] All right! Let's get presents! 2106 01:31:19.583 --> 01:31:20.666 Aunt Sloane. 2107 01:31:20.750 --> 01:31:22.333 Life is giving you a moment. 2108 01:31:24.958 --> 01:31:26.125 Don't fuck it up. 2109 01:31:32.500 --> 01:31:33.625 Jackson! 2110 01:31:34.416 --> 01:31:37.208 Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. Coming through. Jackson! 2111 01:31:38.125 --> 01:31:39.375 Jackson! Coming through. 2112 01:31:39.458 --> 01:31:41.250 [all chattering] 2113 01:31:41.333 --> 01:31:44.416 [Sloane] Excuse me, sorry. I have to talk to that guy over there. Excuse me! 2114 01:31:45.208 --> 01:31:46.083 Jackson! 2115 01:31:47.750 --> 01:31:48.833 Jackson! 2116 01:31:50.791 --> 01:31:51.708 Jackson! 2117 01:31:54.458 --> 01:31:56.041 [choir singing louder] 2118 01:31:56.708 --> 01:31:57.958 Jackson! 2119 01:31:59.750 --> 01:32:00.750 [Sloane] Sorry. 2120 01:32:01.666 --> 01:32:02.958 Excuse me. 2121 01:32:03.041 --> 01:32:05.041 Excuse me. Pardon me. Jackson! 2122 01:32:10.125 --> 01:32:11.250 Excuse me. Pardon me. 2123 01:32:11.333 --> 01:32:12.666 -Jackson! -[woman] Ma'am. 2124 01:32:13.875 --> 01:32:16.291 Jackson! 2125 01:32:16.375 --> 01:32:18.625 [audience cheering] 2126 01:32:18.708 --> 01:32:20.708 -Jackson! -[Abby] Jackson! 2127 01:32:20.791 --> 01:32:22.708 -Jackson! -Jackson! 2128 01:32:22.791 --> 01:32:25.250 [choir] Jackson 2129 01:32:30.958 --> 01:32:31.791 Hi. 2130 01:32:35.166 --> 01:32:36.166 I just... 2131 01:32:37.791 --> 01:32:38.625 Oh! 2132 01:32:39.208 --> 01:32:40.208 Thank you. 2133 01:32:43.500 --> 01:32:44.875 I just wanna say I fucked up. 2134 01:32:44.958 --> 01:32:46.416 [microphone feeds back] 2135 01:32:46.500 --> 01:32:47.791 Oh, God. 2136 01:32:47.875 --> 01:32:49.958 Um, sorry, kids. 2137 01:32:50.291 --> 01:32:52.000 [chuckles] Don't say that at home. 2138 01:32:53.000 --> 01:32:53.875 Um... 2139 01:32:56.125 --> 01:32:57.125 Okay. 2140 01:32:58.458 --> 01:32:59.625 What I wanna say is-- 2141 01:33:00.583 --> 01:33:01.625 is, um-- 2142 01:33:02.041 --> 01:33:03.750 It's really, really hot in here. 2143 01:33:03.833 --> 01:33:04.750 Huh! 2144 01:33:05.208 --> 01:33:06.250 Hot. 2145 01:33:07.125 --> 01:33:08.250 Okay. 2146 01:33:08.333 --> 01:33:10.541 Look, what I'm trying to say-- 2147 01:33:11.750 --> 01:33:14.791 is I've had more fun with you in the last year 2148 01:33:14.875 --> 01:33:17.416 than I've had with my loser ex-boyfriends combined. 2149 01:33:17.500 --> 01:33:19.250 [crowd chuckles] 2150 01:33:21.416 --> 01:33:22.458 You were right. 2151 01:33:24.208 --> 01:33:25.708 I do have feelings for you. 2152 01:33:32.083 --> 01:33:32.916 And I fuck-- 2153 01:33:33.666 --> 01:33:34.833 [crowd murmurs] 2154 01:33:35.250 --> 01:33:36.750 ...messed it up... 2155 01:33:39.375 --> 01:33:40.875 because I was scared. 2156 01:33:40.958 --> 01:33:42.083 [crowd] Aw! 2157 01:33:43.166 --> 01:33:44.541 Letting you go 2158 01:33:44.875 --> 01:33:47.416 has been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. 2159 01:33:48.958 --> 01:33:49.791 [sighs] 2160 01:33:52.041 --> 01:33:54.041 I miss you so much. 2161 01:33:57.041 --> 01:33:57.916 [sighs] 2162 01:33:58.041 --> 01:34:00.875 I miss you so much that I totally quit smoking. 2163 01:34:01.458 --> 01:34:04.500 And candy is only mildly comforting. 2164 01:34:05.958 --> 01:34:09.083 -You've ruined all my vices for me. -Hmm. 2165 01:34:12.916 --> 01:34:13.750 [sighs] 2166 01:34:14.708 --> 01:34:17.083 I thought I wanted a holidate, 2167 01:34:19.166 --> 01:34:20.666 but the truth is... 2168 01:34:22.125 --> 01:34:23.333 I just want you. 2169 01:34:24.666 --> 01:34:26.000 For all holidays. 2170 01:34:26.791 --> 01:34:28.000 And weekends. 2171 01:34:28.625 --> 01:34:30.666 And weekdays too would be nice. 2172 01:34:34.500 --> 01:34:37.250 -[Santa sniffs] -I know I'm probably too late, 2173 01:34:37.333 --> 01:34:40.000 but honestly, 2174 01:34:42.625 --> 01:34:45.208 you're the only one I'd wanna go through chemo with. 2175 01:34:45.291 --> 01:34:46.333 [crowd gasps] 2176 01:34:49.000 --> 01:34:51.250 Oh. No, no, no. No. I'm-- I'm fine. 2177 01:34:51.666 --> 01:34:52.833 It's a long story. 2178 01:34:52.916 --> 01:34:54.750 [crowd sighs] 2179 01:34:56.583 --> 01:34:57.500 [chuckles] 2180 01:34:58.750 --> 01:35:00.541 If it's any consolation, 2181 01:35:01.875 --> 01:35:04.541 it really was the worst Thanksgiving of my life. 2182 01:35:10.416 --> 01:35:12.375 That was an opening, by the way. 2183 01:35:13.250 --> 01:35:14.083 [sighs] 2184 01:35:14.791 --> 01:35:15.750 [chuckles] 2185 01:35:23.666 --> 01:35:24.750 Nah. 2186 01:35:24.833 --> 01:35:28.375 [crowd gasping, murmuring] 2187 01:35:33.750 --> 01:35:36.041 [romantic Christmas music playing] 2188 01:35:40.291 --> 01:35:41.875 [crowd] Aw! 2189 01:35:47.416 --> 01:35:49.750 [crowd cheering] 2190 01:35:51.958 --> 01:35:53.416 That speech was cockamamie. 2191 01:35:55.708 --> 01:35:57.708 [choir sings "Joy To The World"] 2192 01:35:59.250 --> 01:36:01.041 ♪ Joy to the world... ♪ 2193 01:36:01.291 --> 01:36:02.208 [Daisy] Yay! 2194 01:36:02.916 --> 01:36:06.125 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2195 01:36:06.541 --> 01:36:08.250 ♪ Joy to the world... ♪ 2196 01:36:08.333 --> 01:36:10.166 -How about New Year’s Eve? -Yes! 2197 01:36:10.250 --> 01:36:12.000 ♪ Joy ♪ 2198 01:36:12.083 --> 01:36:15.250 ["Dancing on Top of the World" playing] 2199 01:36:15.333 --> 01:36:16.333 ♪ All right ♪ 2200 01:36:16.416 --> 01:36:18.333 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2201 01:36:18.416 --> 01:36:19.625 ♪ I'm dancing ♪ 2202 01:36:19.708 --> 01:36:20.708 ♪ Hey ♪ 2203 01:36:20.791 --> 01:36:23.291 ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ 2204 01:36:23.375 --> 01:36:25.458 ♪ All right Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2205 01:36:25.541 --> 01:36:27.666 ♪ I'm dancin', I'm dancin' ♪ 2206 01:36:27.750 --> 01:36:29.750 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2207 01:36:29.833 --> 01:36:31.750 ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2208 01:36:31.833 --> 01:36:34.000 ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2209 01:36:34.625 --> 01:36:36.041 ♪ On top, top ♪ 2210 01:36:36.125 --> 01:36:37.958 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2211 01:36:38.041 --> 01:36:40.041 ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2212 01:36:40.125 --> 01:36:42.125 ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2213 01:36:43.041 --> 01:36:44.958 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2214 01:36:46.083 --> 01:36:46.916 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2215 01:36:47.500 --> 01:36:48.833 -♪ Oh ♪ -♪ Roll the dice ♪ 2216 01:36:48.916 --> 01:36:49.958 ♪Accept your fate ♪ 2217 01:36:50.041 --> 01:36:51.750 ♪ No new friends, no holidate ♪ 2218 01:36:51.833 --> 01:36:54.166 ♪ Vacation's all I ever wanted ♪ 2219 01:36:54.250 --> 01:36:55.916 ♪ Just me and you Let's get away ♪ 2220 01:36:56.000 --> 01:36:58.083 ♪ Play on the white-sand beaches ♪ 2221 01:36:58.166 --> 01:37:00.250 ♪ Road trip hit To look for breeches ♪ 2222 01:37:00.333 --> 01:37:02.250 ♪ Imagination, take flight ♪ 2223 01:37:02.333 --> 01:37:04.333 ♪ Roll to the left No need to swipe right ♪ 2224 01:37:04.416 --> 01:37:05.458 ♪ Hey ♪ 2225 01:37:05.541 --> 01:37:08.250 -♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 2226 01:37:08.333 --> 01:37:09.458 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ All right ♪ 2227 01:37:09.541 --> 01:37:12.125 -♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ -♪ I'm dancing, I'm dancing ♪ 2228 01:37:12.208 --> 01:37:13.541 -♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ Hey ♪ 2229 01:37:13.625 --> 01:37:16.250 ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ 2230 01:37:16.333 --> 01:37:17.416 ♪ All right, all right ♪ 2231 01:37:17.500 --> 01:37:20.333 -♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ -♪ I'm dancing, I'm dancing ♪ 2232 01:37:20.416 --> 01:37:22.708 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2233 01:37:22.791 --> 01:37:24.541 ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2234 01:37:24.625 --> 01:37:26.708 ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2235 01:37:27.541 --> 01:37:28.750 -♪ On top, top ♪ -♪ All right ♪ 2236 01:37:28.833 --> 01:37:30.708 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2237 01:37:30.791 --> 01:37:32.750 ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2238 01:37:32.833 --> 01:37:34.833 ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2239 01:37:34.916 --> 01:37:37.041 ♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪ 2240 01:37:37.125 --> 01:37:38.875 ♪ It says two, but I'll take four ♪ 2241 01:37:38.958 --> 01:37:40.833 ♪ Come uptown, I'll give you a tour ♪ 2242 01:37:40.916 --> 01:37:42.791 ♪ Oh, new year, new place ♪ 2243 01:37:42.875 --> 01:37:45.041 ♪ Fireworks, exotic spaces ♪ 2244 01:37:45.125 --> 01:37:47.041 ♪ Free fallin', Vegas, ballin' ♪ 2245 01:37:47.125 --> 01:37:49.083 ♪ Burn the midnight oil All-in ♪ 2246 01:37:49.666 --> 01:37:50.833 ♪ Leave a permanent mark ♪ 2247 01:37:50.916 --> 01:37:53.750 ♪ And let's reignite that, huh Permanent spark ♪ 2248 01:37:53.833 --> 01:37:56.875 -♪ Yeah ♪ -♪Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ 2249 01:37:56.958 --> 01:37:58.166 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ All right ♪ 2250 01:37:58.250 --> 01:38:00.041 ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ 2251 01:38:00.125 --> 01:38:02.291 -♪ I'm dancin' , I'm dancin' ♪ -♪ Hey ♪ 2252 01:38:02.375 --> 01:38:05.041 -♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 2253 01:38:05.125 --> 01:38:06.250 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ All right ♪ 2254 01:38:06.333 --> 01:38:09.041 -♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪ -♪ I'm dancin' , I'm dancin'♪ 2255 01:38:09.125 --> 01:38:11.208 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ Dancin' on top of the world ♪ 2256 01:38:11.291 --> 01:38:13.250 -♪ Oh, yeah, ♪ -♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2257 01:38:13.333 --> 01:38:15.416 ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2258 01:38:15.500 --> 01:38:17.375 ♪ Trip, on top, top ♪ 2259 01:38:17.458 --> 01:38:19.458 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ Dancin' on top of the world ♪ 2260 01:38:19.541 --> 01:38:21.541 ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪ 2261 01:38:21.625 --> 01:38:23.875 -♪ All right ♪ -♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪ 2262 01:38:23.958 --> 01:38:26.416 -♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪ -♪ Dancin' ♪ 2263 01:38:26.500 --> 01:38:29.500 ♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪ 2264 01:38:29.875 --> 01:38:31.958 ["Joy To The World" playing] 2265 01:38:33.541 --> 01:38:35.541 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2266 01:38:37.166 --> 01:38:40.583 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2267 01:38:40.750 --> 01:38:42.750 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2268 01:38:44.458 --> 01:38:47.875 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2269 01:38:48.041 --> 01:38:50.041 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2270 01:38:51.750 --> 01:38:55.125 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2271 01:38:55.375 --> 01:38:56.958 ♪ Joy ♪ 2272 01:38:57.250 --> 01:39:00.625 ♪ Joy to the world the Lord is come ♪ 2273 01:39:04.500 --> 01:39:08.250 ♪ Joy to the world Receive her king ♪ 2274 01:39:11.833 --> 01:39:14.666 ♪ Let every heart ♪ 2275 01:39:15.500 --> 01:39:18.083 ♪ Prepare him room ♪ 2276 01:39:18.208 --> 01:39:21.875 ♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪ 2277 01:39:22.250 --> 01:39:24.458 ♪ Heaven and nature sing ♪ 2278 01:39:24.541 --> 01:39:26.375 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2279 01:39:33.666 --> 01:39:37.333 ♪ Joy to the world The Savior reigns ♪ 2280 01:39:40.916 --> 01:39:44.583 ♪ Let everyone this songs employ ♪ 2281 01:39:48.208 --> 01:39:51.000 ♪ While fields and floods ♪ 2282 01:39:51.875 --> 01:39:54.375 ♪ Rocks, hills and plains ♪ 2283 01:39:54.583 --> 01:39:58.250 ♪ Repeat the sounding joy ♪ 2284 01:39:58.666 --> 01:40:02.583 ♪ Repeat the sounding joy Joy to the world ♪ 2285 01:40:02.666 --> 01:40:06.250 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2286 01:40:06.333 --> 01:40:08.208 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2287 01:40:09.958 --> 01:40:13.458 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2288 01:40:13.541 --> 01:40:15.333 ♪ Joy ♪ 2289 01:40:15.416 --> 01:40:19.166 ♪ Joy to the world The Lord is come ♪ 2290 01:40:22.791 --> 01:40:26.458 ♪ Joy to the world Receive her King ♪ 2291 01:40:29.583 --> 01:40:32.833 ♪ Wonders of his love ♪ 2292 01:40:33.208 --> 01:40:36.416 ♪ Wonders of his love ♪ 2293 01:40:37.208 --> 01:40:38.708 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2294 01:40:40.916 --> 01:40:42.416 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2295 01:40:44.500 --> 01:40:46.083 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2296 01:40:48.083 --> 01:40:49.666 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2297 01:40:51.791 --> 01:40:53.291 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2298 01:40:55.250 --> 01:40:56.916 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2299 01:40:59.083 --> 01:41:00.583 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2300 01:41:02.708 --> 01:41:04.166 ♪ Joyful, joyful ♪ 2301 01:41:04.583 --> 01:41:07.833 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2302 01:41:08.125 --> 01:41:10.125 ♪ The Lord is come ♪ 2303 01:41:11.750 --> 01:41:15.166 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2304 01:41:15.500 --> 01:41:17.500 ♪ Receive her king ♪ 2305 01:41:19.000 --> 01:41:22.333 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2306 01:41:22.666 --> 01:41:24.666 ♪ The Lord is come ♪ 2307 01:41:26.333 --> 01:41:29.833 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2308 01:41:29.916 --> 01:41:31.916 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 2309 01:41:32.666 --> 01:41:35.166 [soft instrumental music playing]