WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:12.709 --> 00:00:17.875 Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus Trejo! 4 00:00:26.333 --> 00:00:29.250 What's up, everybody? 5 00:00:29.333 --> 00:00:31.458 Yeah! 6 00:00:32.417 --> 00:00:34.583 Thanks for coming out, you guys. 7 00:00:34.667 --> 00:00:35.709 Hey! 8 00:00:40.834 --> 00:00:43.125 Thanks for coming out, man. 9 00:00:46.208 --> 00:00:49.041 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 10 00:00:49.125 --> 00:00:51.083 Well, thank you, guys. That's my time. 11 00:00:52.208 --> 00:00:55.208 Man, thanks for coming out, man. I'm excited, man. 12 00:00:55.291 --> 00:00:56.792 This is it. Um, man... life's good. 13 00:00:56.875 --> 00:01:00.709 I can't complain. I just got an hourglass, so... 14 00:01:02.041 --> 00:01:05.000 Very excited, man. I ordered an hourglass 15 00:01:05.083 --> 00:01:06.875 and, man, it came and I was so excited. 16 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:07.625 I don't know what I needed it for, 17 00:01:07.709 --> 00:01:10.959 but I was like, "I need one." 18 00:01:11.041 --> 00:01:13.792 Well, the problem was I-I ordered a wrist watch 19 00:01:13.875 --> 00:01:16.083 and an hourglass came. I'm like, "Oh, damn it." 20 00:01:16.166 --> 00:01:17.041 -You know? 21 00:01:17.125 --> 00:01:19.875 Don't order stuff online high, you know? 22 00:01:21.458 --> 00:01:22.959 But I use it. It was great. 23 00:01:23.041 --> 00:01:23.750 I would use it to time everything. 24 00:01:23.834 --> 00:01:26.208 I would time my showers. I just... 25 00:01:26.291 --> 00:01:28.250 just go for it, you know? 26 00:01:28.333 --> 00:01:30.458 And I would check in with it. Just... 27 00:01:32.375 --> 00:01:33.458 I'm like, "I still got some sand." 28 00:01:33.542 --> 00:01:35.291 You know what I mean? 29 00:01:35.375 --> 00:01:39.291 I would time my number twos. That was fun, you know? 30 00:01:39.375 --> 00:01:40.709 Just... and just go for it. 31 00:01:40.792 --> 00:01:43.500 Like, "Ah, right." 32 00:01:43.583 --> 00:01:46.208 I learned something. I learned that your legs 33 00:01:46.291 --> 00:01:48.792 fall asleep about the hour mark. So... 34 00:01:50.583 --> 00:01:52.250 That was fun, you know? 35 00:01:52.333 --> 00:01:53.542 But I kept using it and I felt like something was off. 36 00:01:53.625 --> 00:01:55.709 I did not know what it was, you know? 37 00:01:55.792 --> 00:01:57.625 And, uh, so I used my phone and I timed it 38 00:01:57.709 --> 00:02:00.667 'cause, hell, I got all day, you know? 39 00:02:00.750 --> 00:02:03.625 So I timed it and it stopped at 47 minutes. 40 00:02:03.709 --> 00:02:05.083 I'm like, "Aw, that can't be right. 41 00:02:05.166 --> 00:02:06.583 So, let's try it again." You know? 42 00:02:06.667 --> 00:02:08.500 Timed it, stopped it, 47 minutes. 43 00:02:08.583 --> 00:02:12.333 I'm like, "Damn...now what?" 44 00:02:13.792 --> 00:02:17.792 -So I called customer service. 45 00:02:18.917 --> 00:02:21.792 And I said, "Excuse me, I'm having a hard time 46 00:02:21.875 --> 00:02:24.667 with my hourglass. It's--It seems to be defective." 47 00:02:24.750 --> 00:02:25.750 And she's like, "Well, how can I help you?" 48 00:02:25.834 --> 00:02:28.375 I said, "Well, um... I just need you to send me 49 00:02:28.500 --> 00:02:31.125 13 minutes worth of sand. 50 00:02:36.917 --> 00:02:38.500 Hello?" And she's like, "I'm here. 51 00:02:38.583 --> 00:02:40.166 I'm here." I'm like, "All right, cool." 52 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:42.959 She's like, "That seems very odd to me." 53 00:02:43.041 --> 00:02:46.458 I'm like, "Yeah, you're telling me, you know?" 54 00:02:46.542 --> 00:02:49.417 She's like, "Well--Well, like, how would I even do that?" 55 00:02:49.500 --> 00:02:50.834 I'm like, "Look, just send me 13 minutes worth of sand. 56 00:02:50.917 --> 00:02:52.750 Like, grab an hourglass, turn it over, 57 00:02:52.834 --> 00:02:55.834 wait 13 minutes, put your finger there... 58 00:02:58.041 --> 00:03:00.500 put that in the baggie and send it to me." 59 00:03:04.542 --> 00:03:08.709 She goes, "This is the craziest call I've ever had." 60 00:03:08.792 --> 00:03:11.375 She's like, "How much does 13 minutes worth of sand 61 00:03:11.458 --> 00:03:12.667 even weigh?" I said, "Great question. 62 00:03:12.750 --> 00:03:15.583 -Uh, let me look it up." 63 00:03:15.667 --> 00:03:17.583 So, I looked it up on Google Conversion 64 00:03:17.667 --> 00:03:19.417 and I learned something. 65 00:03:19.500 --> 00:03:20.917 I found out that you can't convert 66 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:23.875 -volume to time. 67 00:03:23.959 --> 00:03:28.250 Even Google was like, "What the fuck did you mean?" 68 00:03:30.166 --> 00:03:31.792 So I told her. I said, "I can't convert 69 00:03:31.875 --> 00:03:32.625 volume to time." She's like, "You know what? 70 00:03:32.709 --> 00:03:34.792 Um... I'm gonna put you on hold. 71 00:03:34.875 --> 00:03:37.417 I'm gonna talk to my manager." I said, "Great. 72 00:03:37.500 --> 00:03:38.125 Thank you. Appreciate it." 73 00:03:38.208 --> 00:03:39.917 So I'm on hold for an hour. 74 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:41.959 I'm just waiting. Listening to classical music. 75 00:03:42.041 --> 00:03:43.959 Some Chopin. Who knows, right? 76 00:03:44.083 --> 00:03:46.458 She comes back. She's like, "You know what? 77 00:03:46.542 --> 00:03:48.500 I have some answers for you. I said, "I'm all ears." 78 00:03:48.583 --> 00:03:49.750 All right, she's like, "Well, it turns out 79 00:03:49.834 --> 00:03:53.208 that sometimes the manufacturers of hourglasses 80 00:03:53.291 --> 00:03:55.875 change the source from which the sand comes from 81 00:03:55.959 --> 00:03:57.917 so there's some discrepancies in the sand. 82 00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:00.458 Therefore, you know, sometimes you get a different 83 00:04:00.542 --> 00:04:01.792 count on the hour." And I said, "Well, I don't know 84 00:04:01.875 --> 00:04:05.917 -what you just said, you know?" 85 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:08.709 I said, "I was on hold for an hour for that?" 86 00:04:08.792 --> 00:04:10.125 She's like, "Are you sure it wasn't 47 minutes?" 87 00:04:13.417 --> 00:04:16.667 -I'm like, "Game on, lady." 88 00:04:17.583 --> 00:04:18.667 And, uh, man, we went back and forth. 89 00:04:18.750 --> 00:04:20.834 She wasn't happy and then she hit me 90 00:04:20.917 --> 00:04:21.792 with the line that I was so jealous-- 91 00:04:21.875 --> 00:04:24.250 'cause I'm a comic I love a good joke, 92 00:04:24.333 --> 00:04:25.625 but I wasn't ready for it. She literally goes, 93 00:04:25.709 --> 00:04:27.750 "I don't know what to tell you. 94 00:04:27.834 --> 00:04:29.291 Maybe you got the quicksand model." 95 00:04:29.375 --> 00:04:31.208 I'm like, "Oh, you fucking bitch." 96 00:04:31.291 --> 00:04:32.792 -Hung up. 97 00:04:32.875 --> 00:04:35.542 I was like, "All right, I'm outta here." 98 00:04:35.625 --> 00:04:37.542 But thank you, guys, for coming out, man. 99 00:04:37.625 --> 00:04:39.458 -This is very exciting. 100 00:04:39.542 --> 00:04:41.792 Thank you. Yeah. 101 00:04:44.709 --> 00:04:46.125 Very, very exciting, man. 102 00:04:46.208 --> 00:04:50.458 Uh, I'll introduce myself. Uh, my name's Jesus Trejo. 103 00:04:50.542 --> 00:04:51.834 Uh, I'm from Long Beach, California. 104 00:04:51.917 --> 00:04:53.583 -Born and raised. 105 00:04:53.667 --> 00:04:56.083 Yeah, yeah! Long Beach! 106 00:04:56.166 --> 00:04:58.667 Yeah, born and raised. Uh, I'm a only child 107 00:04:58.750 --> 00:05:00.250 -which is great, you know? - Yeah! 108 00:05:00.333 --> 00:05:01.291 Yeah, you, too? Hell yeah. 109 00:05:01.375 --> 00:05:04.208 Trying to get attention. I like it. Hell yeah. 110 00:05:04.291 --> 00:05:07.667 That's a only child right there. For sure. 111 00:05:08.625 --> 00:05:12.166 Did you have imaginary friends? 112 00:05:12.291 --> 00:05:13.875 I did. Hell yeah. 113 00:05:13.959 --> 00:05:15.875 You know what sucks about having imaginary friends? 114 00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:18.166 When you run into them as a grown up. 115 00:05:20.667 --> 00:05:23.959 I ran into one the other day at the grocery store. 116 00:05:24.041 --> 00:05:26.125 I'm like, "David, what's up, player?" 117 00:05:26.208 --> 00:05:28.709 He act like he didn't see me, you know what I'm saying? 118 00:05:30.083 --> 00:05:32.583 I like being an only child. Man, it was great. 119 00:05:32.709 --> 00:05:34.208 That's how I grew up. 120 00:05:34.291 --> 00:05:35.834 Um, you know, if you ever wonder what it's like 121 00:05:35.917 --> 00:05:38.166 to be a only child and have fun, go to any bar, 122 00:05:38.250 --> 00:05:40.500 wait till 2:00 a.m., look at that one drunk guy 123 00:05:40.583 --> 00:05:42.083 just standing there by himself looking down 124 00:05:42.166 --> 00:05:45.083 and every two minutes you just see him go, 125 00:05:45.166 --> 00:05:48.291 -"Ha! That's funny." 126 00:05:51.542 --> 00:05:53.959 That's how I grew up. 127 00:05:54.041 --> 00:05:57.208 With great imagination. 128 00:05:57.291 --> 00:05:59.458 But Long Beach is beautiful. It's a beautiful town, man. 129 00:05:59.542 --> 00:06:02.417 One of my, uh, fondest memories is getting chased 130 00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:05.208 -by a crackhead, you know? 131 00:06:05.291 --> 00:06:06.125 It was great, man. If you know anything 132 00:06:06.208 --> 00:06:08.375 about crackheads you know that they have 133 00:06:08.458 --> 00:06:10.750 infinite amount of energy. 134 00:06:10.834 --> 00:06:12.542 They don't get tired, they're skinny, 135 00:06:12.625 --> 00:06:15.750 -and aerodynamic. 136 00:06:15.834 --> 00:06:18.083 So, I was walking home from school and this crackhead 137 00:06:18.166 --> 00:06:19.750 started to chase me and I'm trying to talk 138 00:06:19.834 --> 00:06:21.583 to the guy. I'm like, "What do you want?" 139 00:06:21.667 --> 00:06:23.417 He's like, "I want your shoes." I'm like, "But they're mine." 140 00:06:23.500 --> 00:06:24.917 He's like, "Give 'em to me!" I'm like, "Aah..." 141 00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:27.291 So I started running and, uh, he chased me. 142 00:06:27.375 --> 00:06:30.458 And finally he grabbed me, threw me on the ground, 143 00:06:30.542 --> 00:06:31.458 and look, I don't know how to fight, 144 00:06:31.542 --> 00:06:34.083 so I didn't know how this was gonna go down. 145 00:06:34.166 --> 00:06:35.625 He started taking my shoes off. 146 00:06:35.709 --> 00:06:38.417 My only defense was to curl my toes inside the shoe. 147 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:42.125 I thought I was a genius. I was like in my head 148 00:06:42.208 --> 00:06:46.417 I'm gonna hold on to the shoe a little longer. 149 00:06:46.500 --> 00:06:49.000 He kept pulling. I kept arcing. 150 00:06:51.458 --> 00:06:53.709 Took my shoes and left, man. 151 00:06:53.792 --> 00:06:55.500 And I walked home in my socks and that sucks 152 00:06:55.583 --> 00:06:57.083 'cause I didn't wanna get 'em dirty. 153 00:06:57.166 --> 00:06:58.917 I would get a ass whooping when I get home, you know? 154 00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:01.625 So, I got home. My dad was pissed. 155 00:07:01.709 --> 00:07:03.959 He's like, "Hey, I just bought those shoes. 156 00:07:04.041 --> 00:07:06.291 Where are they?" I'm like, "They took 'em." 157 00:07:06.375 --> 00:07:09.792 He's like, "You didn't curl your toes like I told you to?" 158 00:07:11.458 --> 00:07:12.750 I'm like, "Dad, I tried, 159 00:07:12.834 --> 00:07:15.333 but the guy tickled me and I let go." 160 00:07:15.417 --> 00:07:19.041 That's a true story. I got tickled by a crackhead. 161 00:07:19.125 --> 00:07:21.625 You know how scary that is? To fear for your life, 162 00:07:21.709 --> 00:07:23.959 -but also have a good time? 163 00:07:24.041 --> 00:07:27.417 Like, " No, those are my shoes." 164 00:07:27.500 --> 00:07:28.709 So my dad was like, 165 00:07:28.792 --> 00:07:29.834 "You know what? I'm gonna put you in karate." 166 00:07:29.917 --> 00:07:31.166 He did. He put me in karate. 167 00:07:31.250 --> 00:07:32.625 He tried to toughen me up. 168 00:07:32.709 --> 00:07:33.667 Make me, like, a big, tough guy, 169 00:07:33.750 --> 00:07:35.083 but, man, karate's a rip off. 170 00:07:35.166 --> 00:07:38.333 Nobody stands still in a real fight. 171 00:07:38.417 --> 00:07:40.834 They hit back. 172 00:07:40.917 --> 00:07:42.875 I took it for five years. I'll show you in two seconds 173 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:44.667 everything I learned. Ready? 174 00:07:44.750 --> 00:07:46.000 Here we go. 175 00:07:48.750 --> 00:07:51.959 -That's it, you know? 176 00:07:53.583 --> 00:07:56.750 -Oh, thank you, guys. 177 00:07:59.458 --> 00:08:00.917 Yeah, try doing that in a real fight. 178 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:02.917 See how it goes, you know? 179 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:04.875 I don't wanna brag, but I got a orange belt 180 00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:07.041 in karate. Just means perfect attendance. 181 00:08:08.291 --> 00:08:10.750 My first fight was in middle school. 182 00:08:10.834 --> 00:08:12.917 I thought I was ready. Some kid took my backpack. 183 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:14.834 I'm like, "Hey, that's mine." He's like, "No, it's mine." 184 00:08:14.917 --> 00:08:16.542 And I'm like, "No, my name's on it." 185 00:08:16.625 --> 00:08:18.625 He's all, "Fight me for it." I'm like, "All right." 186 00:08:18.709 --> 00:08:19.709 And he squared up on me properly. 187 00:08:19.792 --> 00:08:21.917 I'm like, "Oh, shit, I don't know that one." 188 00:08:24.500 --> 00:08:26.250 So I just did what I knew. I went into my routine. 189 00:08:26.333 --> 00:08:29.834 -Just, 190 00:08:29.917 --> 00:08:32.083 He didn't let me finish. He just went for the hit. 191 00:08:32.166 --> 00:08:34.333 I'm like, "Oh, shit. 192 00:08:34.417 --> 00:08:35.959 Like that hurt, man. 193 00:08:36.041 --> 00:08:38.583 You're going out of order, man. 194 00:08:40.041 --> 00:08:42.583 You're supposed to bow first, man. 195 00:08:44.834 --> 00:08:46.083 And your shoes are still on, man. 196 00:08:46.166 --> 00:08:48.542 -This is concrete. 197 00:08:48.625 --> 00:08:49.458 We need the blue mats only, man." 198 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:52.875 Long Beach, I love it, man. 199 00:08:52.959 --> 00:08:55.166 I got held at gunpoint three times 200 00:08:55.250 --> 00:08:57.041 before the age of 18. Yeah. 201 00:08:57.125 --> 00:09:00.333 -I'm getting good, you know? 202 00:09:02.959 --> 00:09:04.959 I know it sounds weird, but, man, I learned a lot 203 00:09:05.041 --> 00:09:06.875 getting held at gunpoint. 204 00:09:06.959 --> 00:09:09.250 Like, I found out how religious I was. 205 00:09:09.333 --> 00:09:12.417 I found out how well I can follow directions. 206 00:09:14.959 --> 00:09:16.750 Getting held at gunpoint is like hot yoga, 207 00:09:16.834 --> 00:09:19.250 but you sweat a lot more, you know? 208 00:09:19.333 --> 00:09:20.667 You think yoga poses are hard? 209 00:09:20.750 --> 00:09:21.834 Wait till you have a gun to your head. 210 00:09:21.917 --> 00:09:22.750 "Don't move, motherfucker!" You're like, "Oh, shit. 211 00:09:22.834 --> 00:09:24.667 All right. 212 00:09:27.041 --> 00:09:28.625 "Get on the ground!" "That's downward dog. 213 00:09:28.709 --> 00:09:30.250 Just so you know." 214 00:09:30.333 --> 00:09:33.417 -Yeah, man. 215 00:09:33.500 --> 00:09:37.375 First time I got held at gunpoint, um...I was a kid. 216 00:09:37.458 --> 00:09:39.375 I probably was nine or ten. Who knows? 217 00:09:39.458 --> 00:09:40.667 And, uh, I was with my mom. 218 00:09:40.750 --> 00:09:41.542 We were going to the grocery store. 219 00:09:41.625 --> 00:09:43.667 We're having a great conversation. 220 00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:44.667 Uh, probably talking about something 221 00:09:44.750 --> 00:09:46.959 she wanted to talk about. Like, Transformers 222 00:09:47.041 --> 00:09:49.083 -or Ninja Turtles. 223 00:09:49.166 --> 00:09:51.583 So we're walking. Having a good time. 224 00:09:51.667 --> 00:09:53.208 And as we're walking this guy turns the corner, 225 00:09:53.291 --> 00:09:55.250 gun out, and, uh, he's like, "Hey, give me the money. 226 00:09:55.333 --> 00:09:58.458 I'm not trying to hurt you guys. Just give me the money." 227 00:09:58.542 --> 00:10:00.542 Now the problem is my mother does not speak 228 00:10:00.625 --> 00:10:05.166 or understand English. So I had to translate. 229 00:10:05.250 --> 00:10:07.792 I was an accomplice to the fucking robbery. 230 00:10:10.333 --> 00:10:11.959 You guys ever held mom at gunpoint? 231 00:10:12.041 --> 00:10:13.792 'Cause I did. 232 00:10:13.875 --> 00:10:15.792 To look your sweet mother in the eyes and go... 233 00:10:25.667 --> 00:10:29.667 Dinero. 234 00:10:29.792 --> 00:10:32.542 And she forked over the money. He grabbed it and he took off. 235 00:10:32.625 --> 00:10:34.208 And he was a man of his word. I respect that. 236 00:10:34.291 --> 00:10:36.000 He didn't hurt us, you know? 237 00:10:36.083 --> 00:10:38.417 But when I got home my dad was pissed, you know? 238 00:10:38.500 --> 00:10:40.625 My mom was upset. My dad was upset. 239 00:10:40.709 --> 00:10:41.709 And my dad looks at me and goes, 240 00:10:41.792 --> 00:10:45.208 "So, what'd you do, karate guy? What'd you do?" 241 00:10:45.291 --> 00:10:48.542 "I just translated." 242 00:10:48.625 --> 00:10:50.375 Second time I got held at gunpoint, uh, 243 00:10:50.458 --> 00:10:52.000 I was about in middle school. 244 00:10:52.083 --> 00:10:54.625 I had a big 'ole fake chain that I saved up for. 245 00:10:54.709 --> 00:10:55.417 Uh, they call them dookie ropes. 246 00:10:55.500 --> 00:10:57.166 Beautiful fake chains, you know? 247 00:10:57.250 --> 00:10:59.750 And, uh, it was my pride and joy. 248 00:10:59.834 --> 00:11:01.458 I worked all summer. And I'm going to school. 249 00:11:01.542 --> 00:11:03.375 This is about 7:00 a.m. I'm walking to school 250 00:11:03.458 --> 00:11:05.625 and this Camaro pulls up... 251 00:11:05.709 --> 00:11:07.125 guy jumps out. Gun out. 252 00:11:07.208 --> 00:11:08.583 He's like, "Hey, give me the chain, home boy." 253 00:11:08.667 --> 00:11:10.875 And in my head I was like, "Man, this is early 254 00:11:10.959 --> 00:11:13.125 -for this shit. 255 00:11:13.208 --> 00:11:16.291 This is very early, you know?" 256 00:11:16.375 --> 00:11:18.208 Well, you know what? I really respect anyone 257 00:11:18.333 --> 00:11:20.542 who wakes up early and goes to work, you know? 258 00:11:22.792 --> 00:11:24.542 Right? I'm not here to judge. 259 00:11:24.625 --> 00:11:28.208 That's a family man providing right there, you know? 260 00:11:28.291 --> 00:11:30.041 You got my respect, homie. 261 00:11:30.125 --> 00:11:31.542 He gets close, he grabs my chains. 262 00:11:31.625 --> 00:11:32.458 Like, "Give me the chain, motherfucker." 263 00:11:32.542 --> 00:11:34.500 I'm like, "Oh, it's fake." He's like, 264 00:11:34.583 --> 00:11:36.000 "You think I give a fuck?" 265 00:11:36.083 --> 00:11:36.792 I'm like, "I don't wanna waste your time." 266 00:11:39.417 --> 00:11:42.000 He took it, man, took the chain. Pistol-whipped me. 267 00:11:42.083 --> 00:11:44.291 That sucked. And, uh, he left. 268 00:11:44.375 --> 00:11:47.208 To this day I do not wear any jewelry. 269 00:11:47.291 --> 00:11:48.166 No watches, rings, metal. 270 00:11:48.250 --> 00:11:50.667 Even my apartment keys are plastic. 271 00:11:50.750 --> 00:11:53.417 -Fuck it, you know? 272 00:11:53.500 --> 00:11:55.417 I'm not getting a real ass whooping 273 00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:57.834 over a fake chain anymore. 274 00:11:59.667 --> 00:12:00.709 I enjoy those. 275 00:12:00.792 --> 00:12:02.250 They sound bad, but I really enjoy those. 276 00:12:02.333 --> 00:12:04.250 It builds character, you know? 277 00:12:04.333 --> 00:12:06.417 The third one was my favorite, man. 278 00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:08.291 -Yeah, it was good, man. 279 00:12:08.375 --> 00:12:11.083 It felt so good. Uh, 18 years old. 280 00:12:11.166 --> 00:12:12.417 I was doing laundry. 281 00:12:12.500 --> 00:12:13.875 That laundromat is still there, actually. 282 00:12:13.959 --> 00:12:15.083 7th and Magnolia. Long Beach. 283 00:12:15.166 --> 00:12:17.917 And, uh, I'm finished doing my laundry. 284 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:20.625 Uh, I have one extra quarter. I'm like, "My lucky day." 285 00:12:22.792 --> 00:12:24.041 So I put it into a Pac-Man machine 286 00:12:24.125 --> 00:12:26.625 and I'm killing it. I'm playing. 287 00:12:26.709 --> 00:12:29.166 I'm doing well and, uh, before I know it 288 00:12:29.250 --> 00:12:30.917 this guy comes up. Puts a gun to my head. 289 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:32.583 He's like, "Hey, homie, give me your money." 290 00:12:32.667 --> 00:12:35.458 And at first I thought it was a friend. 291 00:12:42.041 --> 00:12:44.041 And at first I didn't think it was a gun. 292 00:12:44.125 --> 00:12:45.834 I thought it was, like, a cell phone or a stapler. 293 00:12:45.917 --> 00:12:48.125 Who know, you know? I just felt it cold and, uh, 294 00:12:48.208 --> 00:12:50.458 I-I tried to make eye contact. 295 00:12:50.542 --> 00:12:52.583 I'm like, "Who is it?" You know? 296 00:12:53.834 --> 00:12:55.625 That startled him and he's like, "Look the fuck down." 297 00:12:55.709 --> 00:12:58.542 I'm like, "All right, that's not a friend for sure." 298 00:12:58.625 --> 00:13:00.083 -You know? 299 00:13:00.166 --> 00:13:03.000 He would've said something by now, you know? 300 00:13:03.083 --> 00:13:06.333 So, I have the gun to my head and, uh, now I'm scared. 301 00:13:06.458 --> 00:13:08.166 But at the same time I'm flattered 302 00:13:08.208 --> 00:13:10.250 because, shit, he thinks I have money, you know? 303 00:13:10.333 --> 00:13:12.375 -That's pretty cool. 304 00:13:12.458 --> 00:13:15.083 Look, I don't think there's bad people. 305 00:13:15.166 --> 00:13:16.166 I think there's bad choices. 306 00:13:16.250 --> 00:13:18.208 And I don't think he was a bad guy. 307 00:13:18.291 --> 00:13:19.875 That fucker saw potential in me. 308 00:13:22.875 --> 00:13:24.542 Right? That's pretty good. 309 00:13:28.458 --> 00:13:29.083 Think about it. A guy with a gun 310 00:13:29.166 --> 00:13:31.542 walks in, scans the room. 311 00:13:31.625 --> 00:13:32.375 Looks at me and is like, "That's my man." 312 00:13:32.458 --> 00:13:35.041 It's like, "Oh, thank you so much." 313 00:13:38.709 --> 00:13:40.875 I feel flattered, man. 314 00:13:40.959 --> 00:13:43.417 It's like, "You picked me." 315 00:13:43.500 --> 00:13:46.458 So, gun to my head. He starts patting me down. 316 00:13:46.542 --> 00:13:48.917 Nothing, man. He moves over to my left side 317 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:51.667 'cause my wallet was in my front left pocket, right? 318 00:13:51.792 --> 00:13:53.709 So, when he moves over to my left side there was 319 00:13:53.792 --> 00:13:56.709 enough suction built up in the barrel of the gun 320 00:13:56.792 --> 00:13:59.208 that when he moved, like, I heard a... 321 00:13:59.291 --> 00:14:03.208 and it made him laugh. Like, 322 00:14:03.291 --> 00:14:05.875 And I laughed, too, 'cause his laugh made me laugh. 323 00:14:05.959 --> 00:14:08.583 Like, " Did you hear that?" 324 00:14:08.667 --> 00:14:10.375 -You know? 325 00:14:10.458 --> 00:14:12.625 Here's how stupid I was. I thought we were 326 00:14:12.709 --> 00:14:15.208 -sharing a moment there. 327 00:14:15.291 --> 00:14:16.709 Like, you know when somebody's mad at you 328 00:14:16.792 --> 00:14:17.667 you make 'em laugh? You're like, "Oh, 329 00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:19.542 you're not mad at me no more." You know? 330 00:14:19.625 --> 00:14:22.458 In my head I'm like, "You're not robbing me." 331 00:14:22.542 --> 00:14:25.166 He's like, "Shut the fuck up!" I'm like, "Oh, he's robbing me." 332 00:14:25.250 --> 00:14:27.792 So, he gets to my left side, pats me down. 333 00:14:27.875 --> 00:14:29.959 Nothing. He gets to my wallet... 334 00:14:30.041 --> 00:14:31.500 he takes my wallet out, man. 335 00:14:31.583 --> 00:14:34.375 And I see his face just drop. 336 00:14:34.458 --> 00:14:36.166 Like, I don't know if you've ever let somebody down 337 00:14:36.250 --> 00:14:39.834 while they're robbing you... 338 00:14:39.917 --> 00:14:42.792 but he was disappointed when he realized that my wallet 339 00:14:42.875 --> 00:14:46.166 -had Velcro on it. 340 00:14:46.250 --> 00:14:49.250 Velcro on a wallet is not a sign of wealth. 341 00:14:51.041 --> 00:14:54.750 -They put that there for coins. 342 00:14:54.834 --> 00:14:56.166 I had no bills in my wallet. 343 00:14:56.250 --> 00:14:57.500 I just had a lot of Canadian pennies 344 00:14:57.583 --> 00:14:59.875 I found interesting over the years, you know? 345 00:15:04.333 --> 00:15:05.917 'Cause when you're young that's fun. 346 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.458 you find a Canadian penny you're like, "Ohh, wow! 347 00:15:07.542 --> 00:15:09.250 Look at this. That's different." You know? 348 00:15:09.333 --> 00:15:12.583 "Pot leaf? No, maple. All right." 349 00:15:15.500 --> 00:15:17.792 And, uh, the guy's just pissed off, man. 350 00:15:17.875 --> 00:15:18.667 He has a gun in one hand, 351 00:15:18.750 --> 00:15:21.291 my Spider-Man wallet on the other... 352 00:15:22.625 --> 00:15:25.709 and he's pissed! I'm wasting his time, you know? 353 00:15:25.792 --> 00:15:27.709 He goes, "Really, motherfucker?" 354 00:15:27.792 --> 00:15:29.667 -I go, " Yeah." 355 00:15:29.750 --> 00:15:31.458 And I used to think cartoons made that in predicaments. 356 00:15:31.542 --> 00:15:33.709 You know, when they're in trouble they go, 357 00:15:33.792 --> 00:15:35.625 But if you're a human 358 00:15:35.709 --> 00:15:38.959 in a predicament, You can make it, too. 359 00:15:39.041 --> 00:15:42.125 So, he shakes his head, man. He's shaking his head 360 00:15:42.208 --> 00:15:44.834 and, uh, he--he starts to open my wallet. 361 00:15:44.917 --> 00:15:47.166 Now, if you've ever owned a Velcro wallet 362 00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:50.458 you know that you need these four fingers free and clear 363 00:15:50.542 --> 00:15:52.333 to get in there and . 364 00:15:52.417 --> 00:15:55.458 -Get a clean open. 365 00:15:55.542 --> 00:15:56.667 He didn't put the gun away. 366 00:15:56.750 --> 00:15:57.166 I thought that was very interesting. 367 00:15:57.250 --> 00:15:59.458 Ballsy, you know? 368 00:15:59.542 --> 00:16:01.166 So, he's holding on to the wallet. 369 00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:02.291 He's going... 370 00:16:02.375 --> 00:16:04.125 Finally he opens it. 371 00:16:04.208 --> 00:16:06.917 Pennies everywhere. 372 00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:08.417 It looked like Sonic the Hedgehog 373 00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:11.542 -had run into something. 374 00:16:11.625 --> 00:16:14.041 And I dropped down to my hands and knees 375 00:16:14.125 --> 00:16:15.583 and started picking 'em up 376 00:16:15.667 --> 00:16:17.000 before they fade away. 377 00:16:17.083 --> 00:16:18.041 I've played the game before, you know? 378 00:16:21.166 --> 00:16:22.375 And as I'm doing that, the guy decides to grab 379 00:16:22.458 --> 00:16:25.166 my wallet and just throws it at me 380 00:16:25.250 --> 00:16:26.333 and it hits me. I'm like, "Ow." 381 00:16:26.417 --> 00:16:28.875 He's all, "Look at me motherfucker!" 382 00:16:28.959 --> 00:16:30.625 I'm like, "Uh-huh." He's all, "Do better next time, 383 00:16:30.709 --> 00:16:34.083 -you broke motherfucker." 384 00:16:34.166 --> 00:16:37.375 And that hurt my feelings, man. 385 00:16:37.458 --> 00:16:38.500 What I wanted to tell him is like, "Hey, man, 386 00:16:38.583 --> 00:16:42.208 you're robbing people at a laundromat. 387 00:16:44.792 --> 00:16:48.166 You're gonna get coins every time, man." 388 00:16:48.250 --> 00:16:49.834 Maybe you should do better." 389 00:16:51.291 --> 00:16:53.709 Went to Vegas last year. 390 00:16:53.792 --> 00:16:54.875 -Yeah, Vegas is fun. 391 00:16:54.959 --> 00:16:59.208 I went to old Vegas 'cause it's cheaper, you know? 392 00:16:59.291 --> 00:17:00.417 So I went to old Vegas, It was my friend's birthday. 393 00:17:00.500 --> 00:17:02.834 We were having a great time, you know? 394 00:17:02.917 --> 00:17:04.083 And, uh, we walk into this bar. It's packed. 395 00:17:04.166 --> 00:17:07.125 It's at capacity. 396 00:17:07.208 --> 00:17:08.709 And, um, we want to get to the bar, but it's so packed 397 00:17:08.792 --> 00:17:10.542 that we gotta do one of these. Like, "Oh, excuse me. 398 00:17:10.625 --> 00:17:12.458 Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me." 399 00:17:12.542 --> 00:17:14.041 And we're doing that trying to get to the bar, 400 00:17:14.125 --> 00:17:16.375 but as we're doing that, my homie makes a mistake 401 00:17:16.458 --> 00:17:18.542 of stepping on a guy's shoes on accident. 402 00:17:18.625 --> 00:17:20.875 The guy pushes him and I freak out. 403 00:17:20.959 --> 00:17:22.583 I don't know what to do. 404 00:17:22.667 --> 00:17:23.417 So I just started cleaning the bar window 405 00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:26.041 like I work there. Just... 406 00:17:32.166 --> 00:17:33.542 What the hell am I gonna do in a fight? 407 00:17:33.625 --> 00:17:34.959 Cheer him on? Like, "We got this, bro. 408 00:17:35.041 --> 00:17:37.542 -Get him." You know? 409 00:17:37.625 --> 00:17:38.875 "You can do it, bro." 410 00:17:42.834 --> 00:17:45.583 So, fun fact about me. I cry very easy, you know? 411 00:17:45.667 --> 00:17:48.709 I hate that about myself, you know? 412 00:17:48.792 --> 00:17:51.667 It's like a super power that sucks, you know? 413 00:17:51.750 --> 00:17:52.667 So I see my homie arguing with the guy 414 00:17:52.750 --> 00:17:55.375 and already my breathing pattern is changing. 415 00:17:55.458 --> 00:17:57.542 Just... 416 00:17:59.500 --> 00:18:02.583 Like, "Jacob, let's just get outta here, man!" 417 00:18:02.667 --> 00:18:04.458 He turns around. He's like, "Nah, 418 00:18:04.542 --> 00:18:05.750 -the hell with this guy! -I'm like..." 419 00:18:05.834 --> 00:18:07.917 You don't even know him, man! 420 00:18:08.875 --> 00:18:10.458 So, they're going at it. I'm crying. 421 00:18:10.542 --> 00:18:12.750 And I'm crying more and more. 422 00:18:12.834 --> 00:18:14.792 Now they break into a fight. They're fighting. 423 00:18:14.875 --> 00:18:17.542 I'm crying. I'm wiping tears the long way. 424 00:18:17.625 --> 00:18:22.083 Like, " Jacob!" 425 00:18:23.375 --> 00:18:24.542 I'll give it to Jacob. 426 00:18:24.625 --> 00:18:26.834 He knows how to fight a little bit. 427 00:18:26.917 --> 00:18:28.625 You know, he was like bobbin' and weavin' 428 00:18:28.667 --> 00:18:29.709 trying to do his thing, but the guy he was fighting 429 00:18:29.834 --> 00:18:31.458 was like legit trained. 430 00:18:31.542 --> 00:18:33.208 'Cause my homie's throwing punches, 431 00:18:33.291 --> 00:18:35.000 but the guy's like getting out of the way. 432 00:18:35.083 --> 00:18:38.000 Out of every single punch. Then he decides-- 433 00:18:38.083 --> 00:18:41.333 my homie, decides to throw a overhand right. 434 00:18:41.417 --> 00:18:43.792 And, uh, the guy dodges it, gets underneath, 435 00:18:43.875 --> 00:18:46.291 and just hits him in the chin. Boo! 436 00:18:46.375 --> 00:18:48.208 Just control, alt, deleted his ass. 437 00:18:50.750 --> 00:18:52.208 It might've been an Alt F4, who knows? 438 00:18:53.792 --> 00:18:55.917 And he just hits the ground. I lose it. 439 00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:58.750 -" Jacob!" 440 00:18:58.834 --> 00:19:01.458 The bouncer runs in. He looks at me. 441 00:19:01.542 --> 00:19:03.166 He's like, "You're trouble, man! Get outta here!" 442 00:19:03.250 --> 00:19:05.208 I'm like, "I didn't do nothing, man!" 443 00:19:05.291 --> 00:19:06.667 He grabs my friend, picks him up. 444 00:19:06.750 --> 00:19:08.458 He's like, "You're outta here, bro!" 445 00:19:08.542 --> 00:19:10.750 And, uh, other bouncers come in. They grab that guy 446 00:19:10.834 --> 00:19:13.500 and they start taking him out. People start leaving the bar. 447 00:19:13.583 --> 00:19:15.166 They wanna see what happens outside, you know? 448 00:19:15.250 --> 00:19:17.041 People have their phones out. They're recording. 449 00:19:17.125 --> 00:19:18.333 It's scary. Now, I can't get out 450 00:19:18.417 --> 00:19:20.667 'cause it bottlenecks, you know? So, I'm in the back just crying. 451 00:19:20.750 --> 00:19:23.417 Just... 452 00:19:23.500 --> 00:19:25.750 People are more concerned for me then my friend. 453 00:19:26.750 --> 00:19:28.709 He's the one that got knocked out. 454 00:19:28.792 --> 00:19:33.083 "What happened?" " He knocked him out. 455 00:19:33.166 --> 00:19:35.000 It's his birthday, by the way." 456 00:19:36.500 --> 00:19:39.458 He's all, "Really?" "Yeah, he has a birthday hat." 457 00:19:41.250 --> 00:19:45.208 So, by the time I get outside, the birthday hat's all crooked. 458 00:19:45.291 --> 00:19:48.959 He's all wobbly. Still trying to fight the guy. 459 00:19:49.041 --> 00:19:51.458 And the guy just decides to finish him off, man. 460 00:19:51.542 --> 00:19:53.333 He--He hits him with the right. Drops him. 461 00:19:53.417 --> 00:19:55.041 Gets on top. Starts choking him out 462 00:19:55.125 --> 00:19:56.667 UFC style and it's scary. 463 00:19:56.750 --> 00:19:58.709 But the whole time this is happening, 464 00:19:58.792 --> 00:20:01.500 the guy choking my friend had a dude on the sidewalk 465 00:20:01.583 --> 00:20:03.375 coaching him through the fight. 466 00:20:03.458 --> 00:20:05.875 So, all I hear is, "Left hand! There you go! 467 00:20:05.959 --> 00:20:08.083 Choke him out! Make him tap out!" 468 00:20:08.166 --> 00:20:11.208 So I started coaching my friend. I'm like, "Say you're sorry. 469 00:20:14.333 --> 00:20:17.250 Apologize! 470 00:20:17.333 --> 00:20:20.250 Play dead! 471 00:20:20.333 --> 00:20:23.500 Curl your toes!" 472 00:20:25.458 --> 00:20:27.542 Oh, thank you, guys. 473 00:20:32.834 --> 00:20:35.166 He got beat up, man. 474 00:20:35.250 --> 00:20:37.041 I realized something that day. It's like the best thing 475 00:20:37.125 --> 00:20:39.250 I can do for someone in a fight is maybe record it. 476 00:20:39.333 --> 00:20:42.917 Like, "Jacob, this is where you messed up right here. 477 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:44.417 Look, I paused at a minute seven. 478 00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:46.250 He got you, bro. 479 00:20:46.333 --> 00:20:49.834 But look how clean the windows are, you know?" 480 00:20:51.458 --> 00:20:52.959 I just wish I was tougher, man. 481 00:20:53.041 --> 00:20:55.166 I'm just not that guy, you know? 482 00:20:55.250 --> 00:20:57.500 It's like, uh, about a year ago 483 00:20:57.583 --> 00:21:00.542 I do a show in L.A. I do a show at The Comedy Store 484 00:21:00.625 --> 00:21:02.625 and I'm walking home. It's about 1:00 a.m., right? 485 00:21:02.709 --> 00:21:05.041 I parked kinda far away. So, I'm walking home. 486 00:21:05.166 --> 00:21:06.709 I'm just minding my own business. 487 00:21:06.792 --> 00:21:08.667 Just being an only child going, "Ha! That's funny." 488 00:21:08.792 --> 00:21:11.000 -You know? 489 00:21:11.083 --> 00:21:13.917 And I'm walking and I'm about to cross a corner 490 00:21:14.000 --> 00:21:15.166 and I see a guy on the corner 491 00:21:15.250 --> 00:21:16.583 I'm about to cross into, right? 492 00:21:16.667 --> 00:21:19.083 And I see him. Big pants, a tight wife beater, 493 00:21:19.166 --> 00:21:21.667 tattoos, muscles, nice guy, you know? 494 00:21:23.500 --> 00:21:25.250 Approachable, you know? 495 00:21:25.333 --> 00:21:26.208 If I had to describe what he looked like, 496 00:21:26.333 --> 00:21:27.625 I'd say he looked like he was self-employed 497 00:21:27.667 --> 00:21:30.792 -for sure, you know? 498 00:21:30.875 --> 00:21:34.583 He was doing well for himself, you know? 499 00:21:34.667 --> 00:21:36.041 So, I see him. I keep my head down. 500 00:21:36.125 --> 00:21:38.250 I want no smoke, you know? 501 00:21:38.333 --> 00:21:40.000 So, I keep walking. I'm walking. 502 00:21:40.083 --> 00:21:42.208 Soon as I get in front of him, the first thing he tells me, 503 00:21:42.291 --> 00:21:44.750 he goes, "Hey, homie, you a bitch." 504 00:21:44.834 --> 00:21:45.834 And I didn't know if it was an old friend 505 00:21:45.917 --> 00:21:49.125 or a psychic, but this guy knew me. 506 00:21:52.250 --> 00:21:54.667 I'm like, "Man, that's pretty good, bro." 507 00:21:56.875 --> 00:21:57.834 And I was stunned, man. I didn't know what to do. 508 00:21:57.917 --> 00:21:59.834 Like, I wasn't gonna fight the guy. 509 00:21:59.917 --> 00:22:02.625 I wasn't gonna, like, run 'cause... 510 00:22:02.709 --> 00:22:04.542 my knees were a little wobbly. 511 00:22:04.625 --> 00:22:07.250 So my first instinct was to give him a high five. 512 00:22:07.333 --> 00:22:08.917 I'm like, "Okay. Thank you." 513 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:21.083 No high five. 514 00:22:21.166 --> 00:22:24.667 So I try to walk away 'cause I learned that in karate. 515 00:22:24.750 --> 00:22:25.917 Believe it or not. 516 00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:28.208 If somebody fucks with you, just walk away. 517 00:22:28.291 --> 00:22:30.166 Find an adult. 518 00:22:31.959 --> 00:22:33.250 So I try to walk away 519 00:22:33.333 --> 00:22:36.750 and the guy--So, I get about, like, 25, 50 paces out. 520 00:22:36.834 --> 00:22:39.667 The guy runs over, cuts me off, 521 00:22:39.750 --> 00:22:41.667 he gets in my face. We're touching noses. 522 00:22:41.750 --> 00:22:43.458 My nose is scrunched back. 523 00:22:43.542 --> 00:22:46.125 He's swelling up on me like a angry toad. 524 00:22:46.208 --> 00:22:48.458 -And he's talking shit. 525 00:22:48.542 --> 00:22:50.458 He's like, "Hey, homie, I say you a bitch." 526 00:22:50.542 --> 00:22:52.709 I was like, " I heard you first time." 527 00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:00.917 I was scared. I've never stood up for myself. 528 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:04.375 I was like 32 years old and I'm 33 now, but, you know? 529 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.000 I was--I was younger, you know? 530 00:23:09.667 --> 00:23:12.000 I was young, man. 531 00:23:12.083 --> 00:23:14.041 And, uh, I've--I've never stood up for myself, 532 00:23:14.125 --> 00:23:15.125 but I felt like I had to. I ha--I had no choice 533 00:23:15.208 --> 00:23:18.250 at that point. And this is where I messed up. 534 00:23:18.333 --> 00:23:19.125 I got a little aggressive. 535 00:23:19.208 --> 00:23:21.750 I got really aggressive. I fucked up. 536 00:23:21.834 --> 00:23:24.083 I looked the guy in the face and I go, 537 00:23:24.166 --> 00:23:25.875 "Hey, man, what's your problem?" 538 00:23:27.500 --> 00:23:29.667 He was quick. He's all, "My problem is you a bitch." 539 00:23:29.750 --> 00:23:31.750 I'm like, "But that's my problem." 540 00:23:35.166 --> 00:23:39.125 It was the best comeback I had at the time, you know? 541 00:23:39.208 --> 00:23:42.792 I was scared, man. I've never had a redhead 542 00:23:42.875 --> 00:23:44.458 talk to me that way, you know? 543 00:23:45.709 --> 00:23:50.125 I've never seen a red-headed thug, but they're out there. 544 00:23:50.208 --> 00:23:52.166 I didn't get his gang name. I'm sure it's something special. 545 00:23:52.250 --> 00:23:54.166 Like Pico de Gallo or something. 546 00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:57.166 Sriracha. I don't know. 547 00:23:57.250 --> 00:23:59.500 And then he throws me off, right? 548 00:23:59.625 --> 00:24:00.917 He throws me off. He's all, "Hey, homie, 549 00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:02.500 I'ma ask you again. Are you a bitch?" 550 00:24:02.583 --> 00:24:06.667 And in my head I'm like, "Why is it a question now? 551 00:24:06.750 --> 00:24:09.583 So now I can't even talk. I have a knot in my throat, 552 00:24:09.667 --> 00:24:10.458 my knees are giving out on me, 553 00:24:10.542 --> 00:24:12.959 I'm crying for sure, 554 00:24:13.041 --> 00:24:14.625 but now there's a question on the table 555 00:24:14.709 --> 00:24:16.959 I need to answer. 556 00:24:17.041 --> 00:24:21.250 So I just closed my eyes and I say, "No." 557 00:24:21.333 --> 00:24:23.917 But he's so close to me that when I said no, 558 00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:28.375 -I gave him an Eskimo kiss. 559 00:24:28.458 --> 00:24:32.250 He didn't see it coming and I didn't see it coming. 560 00:24:32.333 --> 00:24:34.166 I felt the exact moment he felt it. 561 00:24:34.250 --> 00:24:36.709 He's like--Kinda did that. I'm like... 562 00:24:36.792 --> 00:24:39.125 It made me open my eyes. I'm like, "Whoa. What happened?" 563 00:24:39.208 --> 00:24:40.208 You know? 564 00:24:40.291 --> 00:24:43.834 And he got all embarrassed and he just walked away. 565 00:24:47.583 --> 00:24:49.375 And I just saw him walk away. I'm like, "Damn, 566 00:24:49.458 --> 00:24:52.500 -I just won my first fight." 567 00:24:52.583 --> 00:24:55.709 -Yeah! 568 00:24:59.500 --> 00:25:00.417 I won my first fight by default. 569 00:25:00.500 --> 00:25:03.125 Fucking got his ass, you know what I mean? 570 00:25:04.333 --> 00:25:07.166 Yeah, man. Life, man. 571 00:25:07.250 --> 00:25:09.667 Life, life. You guys have parents? 572 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:13.625 Oh, cool. Me, too, man. 573 00:25:13.709 --> 00:25:16.375 We have a lot in common, you guys. 574 00:25:16.458 --> 00:25:18.875 Yeah, man, I have parents. They're beautiful people. 575 00:25:18.959 --> 00:25:21.291 My mom, very adorable, man. 576 00:25:21.375 --> 00:25:23.750 Best way I can describe my mom, she's the type of lady 577 00:25:23.834 --> 00:25:26.875 who has a fake flower in a vase with real water. 578 00:25:28.625 --> 00:25:32.000 Like, hoping for a miracle. "It's gonna happen." You know? 579 00:25:32.083 --> 00:25:33.959 She'll change the water on the vase. 580 00:25:34.041 --> 00:25:35.709 I'm like, "Mom, you don't find it weird that the water 581 00:25:35.792 --> 00:25:37.667 doesn't go down?" 582 00:25:37.750 --> 00:25:41.041 She's like, "It's a miracle." I'm like, "Ah, you got me." 583 00:25:41.125 --> 00:25:43.250 My mom is the best, man. She's so cool. 584 00:25:43.333 --> 00:25:45.667 Like, my mom claims to have a psychic ability. 585 00:25:45.750 --> 00:25:48.542 It's just very delayed. 586 00:25:48.625 --> 00:25:49.875 Like, she knows exactly what's gonna happen, 587 00:25:49.959 --> 00:25:53.417 -but after the fact. 588 00:25:53.500 --> 00:25:54.500 Somebody stole a camera out of my car 589 00:25:54.583 --> 00:25:56.792 and I told my mom. I said, "Mom, somebody stole 590 00:25:56.875 --> 00:25:58.250 a camera out of my car." She's like, "You know what? 591 00:25:58.333 --> 00:26:00.583 -I had a dream last night. 592 00:26:00.667 --> 00:26:01.917 I knew it." 593 00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:04.417 I'm like, "Why didn't you tell me?" 594 00:26:04.500 --> 00:26:05.417 "Because if I tell you, you don't believe me. 595 00:26:05.500 --> 00:26:08.291 That's how you are." I'm like, "All right... 596 00:26:08.375 --> 00:26:10.750 just let me get robbed out here." 597 00:26:10.834 --> 00:26:12.250 She's like, "What it the black camera?" 598 00:26:12.333 --> 00:26:15.375 I'm like, "Yeah." "Yup, that's the one. 599 00:26:15.458 --> 00:26:18.083 For pictures?" I'm like, "Yes, that's the one." 600 00:26:18.166 --> 00:26:21.166 "Yeah, I-I knew it. That's the one. 601 00:26:21.250 --> 00:26:23.625 They took it?" I'm like, "Yes, I know that." 602 00:26:26.834 --> 00:26:28.834 So sweet, you know? 603 00:26:28.875 --> 00:26:31.333 My dad--I love my dad, just a lot of tough love, 604 00:26:31.417 --> 00:26:32.458 you know? And I don't mind it. 605 00:26:32.542 --> 00:26:34.291 I love how he raised me, but just a lot of tough love. 606 00:26:34.375 --> 00:26:38.458 Like I remember once my dad telling me that I'm lazy 607 00:26:38.542 --> 00:26:40.458 and if I was a Transformer I'd be a futon. 608 00:26:44.750 --> 00:26:47.208 It's like who writes that on a birthday card, you know? 609 00:26:49.041 --> 00:26:52.375 Seems a little mean. 610 00:26:52.458 --> 00:26:53.500 Yeah, my dad's my hero, man. 611 00:26:53.583 --> 00:26:56.291 Oh, I read that book The Five Love Languages . 612 00:26:56.375 --> 00:26:57.834 I thought it was a great book, you know? 613 00:26:57.917 --> 00:26:59.458 And I asked my dad. I said, "Dad, 614 00:26:59.542 --> 00:27:00.458 what's your love language?" He's like, "Silence." 615 00:27:00.542 --> 00:27:03.125 -I'm like, "All right, cool." 616 00:27:03.208 --> 00:27:04.792 I'm like, "What do you mean?" 617 00:27:04.875 --> 00:27:07.083 He's all, "Shh, shh, shh, shh." 618 00:27:07.166 --> 00:27:09.458 "Got it." 619 00:27:09.542 --> 00:27:10.500 Yeah, man. 620 00:27:10.583 --> 00:27:13.083 I have a phobia of dogs. I can't be around dogs. 621 00:27:13.166 --> 00:27:15.125 I got attacked when I was nine years old. 622 00:27:15.208 --> 00:27:18.250 I was working with my dad and, uh, I was mowing lawns. 623 00:27:18.333 --> 00:27:21.000 And a dog came and got my left kneecap, 624 00:27:21.083 --> 00:27:24.333 took off with it. I'm like, "Hey, I need that." 625 00:27:24.417 --> 00:27:25.750 My dad saw the whole thing go down. 626 00:27:25.834 --> 00:27:27.417 I'm like, "Dad! What do I do?" 627 00:27:27.500 --> 00:27:29.500 He's like, "Get back to work." 628 00:27:29.583 --> 00:27:31.834 And that's what I did. Two weeks go by, right? 629 00:27:31.917 --> 00:27:33.250 And I'm in bed. I'm recovering, you know? 630 00:27:33.333 --> 00:27:36.625 And my father woke me up for school by grabbing 631 00:27:36.709 --> 00:27:39.625 my left knee and going, 632 00:27:42.041 --> 00:27:44.333 That'll get you out of bed like that! 633 00:27:46.083 --> 00:27:48.041 I'm like, "Dad, that why I pee the bed, 634 00:27:48.125 --> 00:27:50.959 you know that, right?" 635 00:27:51.041 --> 00:27:53.250 Like, I never woke up my father with his fears. 636 00:27:53.333 --> 00:27:55.500 Like, "Bill collectors!" You know? 637 00:27:58.125 --> 00:28:00.333 I don't know why he would do that to me. 638 00:28:02.667 --> 00:28:05.291 He's a great guy, man. Love him. 639 00:28:05.375 --> 00:28:08.333 Like--Like my dad used to embarrass me 640 00:28:08.417 --> 00:28:10.417 'cause he had this huge trophy case at the house 641 00:28:10.500 --> 00:28:13.333 full of trophies. The thing is, he didn't earn 642 00:28:13.417 --> 00:28:15.417 -not one of 'em. 643 00:28:15.500 --> 00:28:17.583 He just found 'em all. 644 00:28:17.667 --> 00:28:21.041 My friends would come over and they would be impressed. 645 00:28:21.125 --> 00:28:22.625 Like, "Damn, look at all these trophies." 646 00:28:22.709 --> 00:28:24.667 I'm like, "Yeah, read the names, man. 647 00:28:26.291 --> 00:28:29.000 None of 'em match." 648 00:28:29.083 --> 00:28:31.792 But he was proud of one trophy. Whenever they would come over 649 00:28:31.875 --> 00:28:32.792 he would start taking trophies out. 650 00:28:32.875 --> 00:28:35.333 Guys, this is my favorite one right here." 651 00:28:35.417 --> 00:28:38.709 I'm like, "Dad, no one's gonna believe that you play lacrosse." 652 00:28:38.792 --> 00:28:40.417 -He's like, "Yes, I did. 653 00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:42.083 They gave this to me when I "lacrosse" the border. 654 00:28:42.166 --> 00:28:43.750 They said, 'Here you go.'" 655 00:28:46.375 --> 00:28:50.166 I don't think that's what it means, but all right. 656 00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:55.917 I love him, man. My mom, a couple years ago, 657 00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:57.583 got cancer. Got a brain tumor. 658 00:28:57.667 --> 00:29:00.250 And, uh, things got a little-- a little weird, man. 659 00:29:00.333 --> 00:29:01.375 It's like when you-- Uh, the person you love, 660 00:29:01.500 --> 00:29:05.542 your mother, is, uh, you know, facing life and death, 661 00:29:05.583 --> 00:29:08.041 it's tough, you know? And that was a really... 662 00:29:08.125 --> 00:29:09.250 hard time for me and, uh, during that time 663 00:29:09.333 --> 00:29:13.125 I got Power of Attorney. You know, over my mother 664 00:29:13.208 --> 00:29:13.917 'cause we didn't know what was gonna happen. 665 00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:16.125 And, uh, they told my mom. 666 00:29:16.208 --> 00:29:17.667 Like, "Your son has Power of Attorney," 667 00:29:17.750 --> 00:29:18.625 But I don't know what she heard, but she thinks 668 00:29:18.709 --> 00:29:22.792 -I'm a powerful attorney... 669 00:29:22.875 --> 00:29:25.083 and I don't wanna tell her that I have Power of Attorney. 670 00:29:25.166 --> 00:29:26.834 I don't wanna let her down, you know? 671 00:29:26.917 --> 00:29:30.208 She's so proud. I'm like, "Damn it, I'm stuck." 672 00:29:30.291 --> 00:29:32.458 She's bragging about it to her friends. 673 00:29:32.542 --> 00:29:35.125 "Oh, he's very powerful, this guy. 674 00:29:36.542 --> 00:29:38.792 If you need something legal, talk to him. 675 00:29:38.875 --> 00:29:42.000 -Powerful!" 676 00:29:42.083 --> 00:29:43.500 And when you get Power of Attorney over a loved one, 677 00:29:43.583 --> 00:29:46.000 they do this thing where they do an appraisal 678 00:29:46.083 --> 00:29:49.000 of your family's estate. And they did that with us. 679 00:29:49.083 --> 00:29:51.000 You know, and it turns out that my family's estate 680 00:29:51.083 --> 00:29:54.208 is valued at sentimental. Um, so... 681 00:29:54.291 --> 00:29:56.667 So I'm just gonna inherit grudges 682 00:29:56.750 --> 00:29:59.166 and undeveloped film roll apparently. 683 00:29:59.250 --> 00:30:01.500 -Yeah. 684 00:30:01.583 --> 00:30:04.792 Years later, man. Years later my father also got, 685 00:30:04.875 --> 00:30:06.750 uh, cancer as well, man. 686 00:30:06.834 --> 00:30:08.208 And, uh, I was there. I was actually there 687 00:30:08.291 --> 00:30:10.625 when my dad got diagnosed, you know? 688 00:30:10.709 --> 00:30:13.333 I was there and I'm sitting beside my father, 689 00:30:13.417 --> 00:30:14.667 the doctor's there and, uh, again, 690 00:30:14.750 --> 00:30:17.291 my father does not know how to speak or understand English 691 00:30:17.375 --> 00:30:19.542 so I'm there to translate, you know? 692 00:30:19.625 --> 00:30:22.917 And, uh, the doctor goes, "Hey, can you tell your father 693 00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:25.500 that this is the diagnosis and this is a picture." 694 00:30:25.583 --> 00:30:27.291 So I translate. I say, "Hey, Dad, this is 695 00:30:27.375 --> 00:30:30.125 what's going on and, uh, he said you have cancer." 696 00:30:30.208 --> 00:30:31.208 My dad's like, "That's not mine." 697 00:30:31.291 --> 00:30:35.542 The doctor was like, "What happened?" 698 00:30:35.625 --> 00:30:37.500 "Oh, he said it's not his." 699 00:30:37.583 --> 00:30:40.959 He said, "No, I can assure you that it--it's his 700 00:30:41.041 --> 00:30:43.333 and this is the paperwork." And I explained 701 00:30:43.417 --> 00:30:45.208 that to him and he goes, "No, no, no, no. 702 00:30:45.291 --> 00:30:48.250 Tell him that this is the same picture they give everybody. 703 00:30:49.625 --> 00:30:51.208 And they just wanna get money outta me. 704 00:30:51.291 --> 00:30:53.333 Come on, let's go." 705 00:30:53.417 --> 00:30:55.375 And my dad beat cancer. He's cancer free. 706 00:30:55.458 --> 00:30:57.417 He beat cancer on denial alone. 707 00:30:57.500 --> 00:31:00.667 -So, yeah! 708 00:31:01.250 --> 00:31:04.625 How amazing is that? 709 00:31:04.709 --> 00:31:07.083 I wish I could be as stubborn as my dad one day. 710 00:31:07.166 --> 00:31:09.166 He's like, "Fuck it." They say the mind is powerful. 711 00:31:09.250 --> 00:31:11.291 It is. "How'd you beat cancer?" 712 00:31:11.375 --> 00:31:14.083 -"I didn't have it." 713 00:31:14.166 --> 00:31:17.250 Like, "Wow. Hell yeah." 714 00:31:20.083 --> 00:31:21.375 But that was a tough time for me, man, 715 00:31:21.458 --> 00:31:23.250 'cause I took over the family business. 716 00:31:23.333 --> 00:31:26.250 My dad was out of, you know, he couldn't work, you know? 717 00:31:26.333 --> 00:31:27.917 So I took over the family business 718 00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:30.125 and I was happy to do so. I stopped doing comedy 719 00:31:30.208 --> 00:31:32.667 for some time, too, and I'm out there mowing lawns. 720 00:31:32.750 --> 00:31:34.834 I remember the day-- the day I had to go out 721 00:31:34.917 --> 00:31:36.375 there on my own. So, I'm mowing lawns 722 00:31:36.500 --> 00:31:38.125 and this owner of the house comes out. 723 00:31:38.208 --> 00:31:40.542 Good friends with my father for years, you know? 724 00:31:40.625 --> 00:31:42.333 And he comes out. He's like, "Hey, man, 725 00:31:42.458 --> 00:31:43.709 can I talk to you?" I said, "Yeah, what's up?" 726 00:31:43.792 --> 00:31:44.792 So I go over there. We're talking. 727 00:31:44.875 --> 00:31:47.041 He's like, "Hey, man, I heard about your father. 728 00:31:47.125 --> 00:31:48.583 I'm really sorry." I said, "Thank you, man." 729 00:31:48.625 --> 00:31:50.375 He's like, "Man, I hope he gets better." 730 00:31:50.458 --> 00:31:51.250 I'm like, "Thanks, man." But the whole time he's talking 731 00:31:51.333 --> 00:31:53.250 to me he's not making eye contact. 732 00:31:53.333 --> 00:31:56.500 He's looking at his yard work. 733 00:31:56.583 --> 00:31:58.041 He's like, "Oh..." 734 00:31:58.125 --> 00:32:00.542 He's all, "I hope your father gets better. 735 00:32:02.333 --> 00:32:05.125 And, um, yeah, he's a good guy. 736 00:32:05.208 --> 00:32:06.917 And, um..." 737 00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:09.458 Now I'm like, "Oh, boy, I'm getting fired today." 738 00:32:09.542 --> 00:32:11.917 He's like, "Can I tell you something?" 739 00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:12.750 I said, "Yes, what's up?" 740 00:32:12.834 --> 00:32:14.417 He said, "You can't tell your dad." 741 00:32:14.500 --> 00:32:15.750 I said, "I won't." 742 00:32:15.834 --> 00:32:16.750 He's like, "Man, you're way better 743 00:32:16.834 --> 00:32:18.417 at this than your father." I'm like, "What?" 744 00:32:18.500 --> 00:32:21.083 It's like that's when I felt like I lived 745 00:32:21.166 --> 00:32:23.291 the American Dream backwards. 746 00:32:23.375 --> 00:32:25.750 I went to college, got educated, 747 00:32:25.834 --> 00:32:27.083 followed my dreams of being a comic, 748 00:32:27.166 --> 00:32:28.959 then mow lawns. 749 00:32:29.041 --> 00:32:30.000 It's like, "Shit, I don't wanna find out 750 00:32:30.083 --> 00:32:34.417 that this is my calling." You know what I mean? 751 00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:36.041 This is what I should've been doing the whole time. 752 00:32:36.125 --> 00:32:37.417 Damn it! 753 00:32:37.500 --> 00:32:40.250 But I worry about my parents 'cause, like, 754 00:32:40.333 --> 00:32:42.291 I'm a caregiver at this point. I'm a caregiver to my parents. 755 00:32:42.375 --> 00:32:43.834 It feels like I'm raising 'em. 756 00:32:43.917 --> 00:32:45.667 Everything they told me not to do as a kid, 757 00:32:45.750 --> 00:32:48.834 as they're getting older, they're doing it. 758 00:32:48.917 --> 00:32:50.333 Staring? They love it. They just stare for no reason. 759 00:32:50.417 --> 00:32:53.166 I remember once eating with my mom. 760 00:32:53.250 --> 00:32:54.667 We were sitting there and my mom out of nowhere 761 00:32:54.750 --> 00:32:56.208 stands up and goes, "That's a ugly shirt 762 00:32:56.291 --> 00:32:58.875 that guy has." I'm like, "Awesome. For sure. 763 00:32:58.959 --> 00:33:01.834 -He heard you." 764 00:33:01.917 --> 00:33:03.709 I look over there. The guy's giving me 765 00:33:03.792 --> 00:33:05.667 the "what the hell" hands. 766 00:33:05.750 --> 00:33:07.333 He's says, "What the hell, man?" 767 00:33:07.417 --> 00:33:08.750 I'm like, "I'm sorry, sir. She's little. 768 00:33:08.834 --> 00:33:11.083 -She don't know. 769 00:33:11.166 --> 00:33:14.291 Trying to raise her right, you know?" 770 00:33:14.375 --> 00:33:16.667 It's so crazy. Like, my parents I-I-- 771 00:33:16.750 --> 00:33:19.125 I want them to be around, but if they keep eating 772 00:33:19.208 --> 00:33:20.458 the way they do, they're not. 773 00:33:20.542 --> 00:33:22.000 You know, they're like kids. They want to eat 774 00:33:22.083 --> 00:33:22.834 everything they're not supposed to. 775 00:33:22.917 --> 00:33:25.542 Greasy foods, sweets, all of it. 776 00:33:25.625 --> 00:33:27.709 The doctor told both of my parents that they cannot 777 00:33:27.792 --> 00:33:30.959 eat red meat and greasy foods, you know? 778 00:33:31.041 --> 00:33:32.792 And my dad loves it. Chicharrónes? 779 00:33:32.875 --> 00:33:34.417 His favorite food ever. 780 00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:36.000 If you guys don't know what chicharrónes are, 781 00:33:36.083 --> 00:33:39.208 they're, uh, pork fat fried in pork...fat. 782 00:33:41.125 --> 00:33:43.750 And if you've never had 'em, yes, they're delicious. 783 00:33:43.834 --> 00:33:46.291 It's so good, man, but it's like my dad goes 784 00:33:46.375 --> 00:33:48.542 on these walks, you know? He goes on these walks 785 00:33:48.625 --> 00:33:51.041 and he'll be out walking and, uh, he comes back home, 786 00:33:51.125 --> 00:33:54.250 -his lips all shiny. 787 00:33:56.417 --> 00:33:57.458 I'm like, "What happened?" 788 00:33:57.542 --> 00:33:59.625 "What? I went for a walk." 789 00:33:59.709 --> 00:34:01.333 I'm like, "Your lips are all shiny." 790 00:34:01.417 --> 00:34:03.375 He's all, "Oh, shit." "Chicharrónes?" 791 00:34:03.458 --> 00:34:06.125 He's like, "Yeah, you know." 792 00:34:06.208 --> 00:34:07.750 Loves chicharrónes. I remember one time 793 00:34:07.792 --> 00:34:09.750 I came home, I was out on a road trip, 794 00:34:09.792 --> 00:34:11.709 I was out doing shows and I come back home 795 00:34:11.792 --> 00:34:14.875 and as soon as I walk into--into the apartment, 796 00:34:14.959 --> 00:34:17.500 I look towards the kitchen and there's a red bag 797 00:34:17.583 --> 00:34:19.542 on top of the refrigerator. And it was a paper bag 798 00:34:19.625 --> 00:34:21.417 and it looked wet from, like, oil. 799 00:34:21.500 --> 00:34:24.417 I'm like, "Dang it, man." That's what's so crazy about, 800 00:34:24.500 --> 00:34:25.709 like, my dad eating chicharrónes. 801 00:34:25.792 --> 00:34:27.583 Like, one time my dad got so mad 802 00:34:27.667 --> 00:34:29.667 that I poured hot grease down the drain. 803 00:34:29.750 --> 00:34:30.583 He said it was gonna clog up. 804 00:34:30.667 --> 00:34:33.667 I'm like, "You have no problem eating it." 805 00:34:35.667 --> 00:34:36.834 He's like, "It's expensive to unclog a drain!" 806 00:34:36.917 --> 00:34:39.959 "It's a lot more expensive to unclog a artery. 807 00:34:40.041 --> 00:34:41.709 I'll tell you that, you know?" 808 00:34:41.792 --> 00:34:45.750 But I saw the paper bag there and I was so let down, man. 809 00:34:45.834 --> 00:34:48.083 One, my parents are not supposed to eat that. 810 00:34:48.166 --> 00:34:50.792 Two, my parents are five foot. 811 00:34:52.291 --> 00:34:55.458 I'm 6'3". I'm gonna see it. 812 00:34:57.709 --> 00:34:59.250 That hurt. That means my parents 813 00:34:59.333 --> 00:35:02.083 worked together... 814 00:35:03.667 --> 00:35:07.625 to hide chicharrónes in plain sight. 815 00:35:07.709 --> 00:35:10.458 "Okay, you get the chair." "All right, let's do it." 816 00:35:12.291 --> 00:35:14.458 My mom helped my dad get on top, 817 00:35:14.542 --> 00:35:17.291 kept his balance, and hid it from me in plain sight. 818 00:35:17.375 --> 00:35:18.792 That hurt, man. 819 00:35:18.875 --> 00:35:20.458 'Cause if you're gonna hide something from me, 820 00:35:20.542 --> 00:35:23.083 put it underneath the refrigerator. 821 00:35:24.792 --> 00:35:27.583 So, I grabbed the bag and they were in the bedroom 822 00:35:27.667 --> 00:35:29.000 and I go in there. I kick the door open. 823 00:35:29.083 --> 00:35:32.000 And both of my parents are like, 824 00:35:32.083 --> 00:35:33.750 "Oh." Like, "What happened?" 825 00:35:33.834 --> 00:35:36.166 My dad looks down, sees the bag of chicharrón 826 00:35:36.250 --> 00:35:38.333 in my hand. He's like, "" 827 00:35:41.709 --> 00:35:42.750 I'm like, "Guys, do you guys know what this is?" 828 00:35:42.834 --> 00:35:46.375 And they're both up against the wall scared. 829 00:35:46.458 --> 00:35:48.834 Like, it looked like I caught two seventh graders 830 00:35:48.917 --> 00:35:51.542 sharing a pack of cigarettes, you know? 831 00:35:51.625 --> 00:35:52.917 They're scared. I'm like, "Dad, do you know 832 00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:54.458 what this is?" He's like, "No. 833 00:35:54.542 --> 00:35:58.500 -It's not mine." 834 00:35:58.583 --> 00:35:59.875 I'm like, "Are you sure, Dad?" He's like, "Yeah. 835 00:35:59.959 --> 00:36:01.250 I'm holding them for a friend." You know? 836 00:36:03.583 --> 00:36:06.250 It's like, "You're lying to me, Dad." 837 00:36:06.333 --> 00:36:08.875 And my mom has this super power, man. 838 00:36:08.959 --> 00:36:10.834 -It's called Catholic guilt. 839 00:36:10.917 --> 00:36:14.542 She'll lie for my father right in front of me. 840 00:36:14.625 --> 00:36:17.500 She slid out with an excuse like the Temptations. 841 00:36:17.583 --> 00:36:20.625 -Just, 842 00:36:20.709 --> 00:36:22.542 "Listen, he told you they're not his, 843 00:36:22.625 --> 00:36:25.583 but if you wanna act that way, be that way." 844 00:36:27.750 --> 00:36:30.583 I'm like, "Whoa." 845 00:36:30.667 --> 00:36:32.625 Like, how do I feel like the bad person now, 846 00:36:32.709 --> 00:36:35.500 you know? 847 00:36:35.583 --> 00:36:37.083 I don't know what to do. I think I gotta start 848 00:36:37.208 --> 00:36:39.375 searching my apartment for snack contraband 849 00:36:39.458 --> 00:36:42.250 like it's a prison cell. 850 00:36:42.333 --> 00:36:45.000 Bring the neighbor's kid, Arturo, little chubby kid. 851 00:36:45.083 --> 00:36:47.125 He can smell snacks from a mile away. 852 00:36:47.959 --> 00:36:49.709 Like, "Mom, Dad, this is Arturo." 853 00:36:49.792 --> 00:36:51.208 "Wait, hold on, bro. 854 00:36:51.291 --> 00:36:54.083 -Hold on. Hold on. 855 00:36:54.166 --> 00:36:57.750 He can smell snacks from a mile away. 856 00:36:57.834 --> 00:37:00.041 If there's anything in here you want me to know about, 857 00:37:00.125 --> 00:37:02.792 tell me now 'cause if he finds it-- 858 00:37:02.875 --> 00:37:04.792 Hold on, bro! Hold on! 859 00:37:04.875 --> 00:37:07.458 I will call your primary care physician. 860 00:37:07.542 --> 00:37:11.917 -Okay?" 861 00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:13.709 I don't know how to get through to them. 862 00:37:13.792 --> 00:37:16.083 I want them to be around, but I don't want them 863 00:37:16.166 --> 00:37:17.375 to keep eating unhealthy. 864 00:37:17.458 --> 00:37:19.333 I saw this show called Scared Straight. 865 00:37:19.417 --> 00:37:20.083 I don't know if you guys seen it. 866 00:37:20.166 --> 00:37:21.750 It's been around for a long time. 867 00:37:21.834 --> 00:37:24.542 Um, Scared Straight. The premise of the show 868 00:37:24.625 --> 00:37:25.917 is kids who are messing up in life, 869 00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:28.083 they take 'em to a prison, they scare 'em 870 00:37:28.166 --> 00:37:29.875 in hopes of them turning their life around. 871 00:37:29.959 --> 00:37:31.625 And most of the time it works. 872 00:37:31.709 --> 00:37:35.083 I wanna do a TV show like that for elderly people 873 00:37:35.166 --> 00:37:37.875 where you take 'em to a ER... 874 00:37:39.375 --> 00:37:41.417 and scare 'em a little bit. 875 00:37:41.500 --> 00:37:43.208 I would love to do that, you know? 876 00:37:43.291 --> 00:37:45.542 Take my parents. Like, "This is not McDonald's." 877 00:37:45.625 --> 00:37:47.291 -I'm like, "I know it's not. 878 00:37:47.375 --> 00:37:49.959 This is a ER." 879 00:37:50.041 --> 00:37:51.709 Just to see the look on my father's face. 880 00:37:51.792 --> 00:37:53.333 Like, "Why is that guy missing his ears?" 881 00:37:53.417 --> 00:37:55.083 "'Cause he wouldn't eat vegetables, Dad. 882 00:37:55.166 --> 00:37:56.375 That's why." 883 00:37:56.458 --> 00:37:57.667 "Why is that guy missing his legs?" 884 00:37:57.750 --> 00:37:59.375 "'Cause he only ate chicharrónes. 885 00:37:59.458 --> 00:38:01.917 Your choice, Dad." 886 00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.458 My dad sometimes likes to compare me 887 00:38:04.542 --> 00:38:05.959 to other people which is... fine. 888 00:38:06.041 --> 00:38:09.792 He uses it as a mechanism for tough love, you know? 889 00:38:09.875 --> 00:38:12.000 He wants-- He wants to inspire me. 890 00:38:12.083 --> 00:38:14.667 Do better, you know? Push me to do great things. 891 00:38:14.750 --> 00:38:17.250 Like, to this day he compares me to this friend of mine. 892 00:38:17.333 --> 00:38:19.333 His name Jesse and I grew up with him. 893 00:38:19.417 --> 00:38:22.917 His father was a mechanic and, uh, my dad a gardener 894 00:38:23.000 --> 00:38:24.792 and we grew up working with our fathers 895 00:38:24.875 --> 00:38:26.000 and that's how we bonded. We became good friends. 896 00:38:26.083 --> 00:38:30.000 The thing about Jesse is that he's now a gynecologist. 897 00:38:30.083 --> 00:38:32.667 You know, and he put himself through medical school 898 00:38:32.750 --> 00:38:34.291 working as a mechanic. 899 00:38:34.375 --> 00:38:36.875 And I still think he has mechanic tendencies. 900 00:38:36.959 --> 00:38:40.750 -You just can't get rid of that. 901 00:38:40.834 --> 00:38:42.667 And my dad's like, "How come you can't be like him?" 902 00:38:42.750 --> 00:38:44.458 It's like, "We don't know if he's a good gynecologist 903 00:38:44.542 --> 00:38:45.500 or not. 904 00:38:45.583 --> 00:38:48.250 I gotta go to his office to see how it goes down." 905 00:38:48.333 --> 00:38:49.000 Like, "Hi, Mrs. Smith. How are you? 906 00:38:49.083 --> 00:38:50.000 What brings you in? Check up? 907 00:38:50.083 --> 00:38:52.333 Okay, let's take a look under the hood. 908 00:38:52.417 --> 00:38:55.834 -Have a seat here. 909 00:38:55.917 --> 00:38:57.542 Excuse me, can you lift your legs up? 910 00:38:57.625 --> 00:38:59.625 All right, here we go. 911 00:39:03.625 --> 00:39:05.542 All right, let's take a look under the hood. 912 00:39:05.625 --> 00:39:08.333 See, . All right, let's take a look here. 913 00:39:09.208 --> 00:39:13.208 What year is this? '86? No way. 914 00:39:13.333 --> 00:39:14.583 They don't make 'em like this anymore. 915 00:39:14.667 --> 00:39:16.667 I'll tell you that. 916 00:39:16.750 --> 00:39:19.291 You American? Nice, with Mexican parts. 917 00:39:19.375 --> 00:39:21.625 -I like it, man. 918 00:39:21.709 --> 00:39:23.917 Got some water damage in here. We can fix it. 919 00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:28.500 When was the last time you changed the filter, huh? 920 00:39:28.583 --> 00:39:29.959 Thanks for coming in. They'll take care of you 921 00:39:30.041 --> 00:39:32.125 right over here. Thanks for coming." 922 00:39:34.667 --> 00:39:36.917 I will say this, if I can tell you one thing 923 00:39:37.000 --> 00:39:39.458 to take away tonight it's to don't do anything 924 00:39:39.500 --> 00:39:41.458 to impress other people. Do it to impress yourself. 925 00:39:41.583 --> 00:39:43.125 I learned that the hard way, man. 926 00:39:43.208 --> 00:39:46.083 I ran the L.A. Marathon trying to impress my dad. 927 00:39:46.166 --> 00:39:47.458 -Uh... 928 00:39:47.542 --> 00:39:49.417 That's a long way to go for respect, man. 929 00:39:52.083 --> 00:39:53.625 Holy moly. 930 00:39:53.709 --> 00:39:55.917 But I wanted to impress my dad. I-I've never done 931 00:39:56.000 --> 00:39:57.875 anything like that and it's like, look, 932 00:39:57.959 --> 00:40:01.083 there's some things I can't explain to immigrant parents. 933 00:40:01.166 --> 00:40:03.250 My dad is from Mexico and there's certain things 934 00:40:03.333 --> 00:40:04.333 I can't explain to him. Like, one time I bought 935 00:40:04.417 --> 00:40:06.750 a pair of ripped jeans. I thought I looked great. 936 00:40:06.834 --> 00:40:08.917 I put 'em on, about to leave. 937 00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:10.041 I'm like, "All right." 938 00:40:10.125 --> 00:40:11.667 And my dad stopped me at the door. 939 00:40:11.750 --> 00:40:12.917 "Hey, Jesus! Jesus! Don't go nowhere, man. 940 00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:14.583 Your pants are ripped." 941 00:40:14.667 --> 00:40:16.208 -He scared me. 942 00:40:16.291 --> 00:40:18.750 I'm like, "What? No, I-I bought 'em this way." 943 00:40:18.834 --> 00:40:20.375 He's like, "That's okay. Keep the receipt. 944 00:40:20.458 --> 00:40:22.417 That happened to me one time." 945 00:40:25.417 --> 00:40:28.417 I'm like, "No, Dad, I bought 'em bought 'em this way." 946 00:40:28.500 --> 00:40:30.959 "What?" 947 00:40:31.041 --> 00:40:33.375 He's like, "So, you bought pants to make it seem 948 00:40:33.458 --> 00:40:37.542 like you have a harder job than you do?" 949 00:40:37.625 --> 00:40:39.709 He's all, "No one's gonna believe you ripped the pants 950 00:40:39.792 --> 00:40:42.083 -telling jokes." 951 00:40:44.125 --> 00:40:46.125 "Good point." 952 00:40:46.208 --> 00:40:48.291 He's all, "That's the problem with your generation. 953 00:40:48.375 --> 00:40:50.917 Millennials, you do things to impress other people." 954 00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:53.041 He's all, "Would you buy a brand new car 955 00:40:53.125 --> 00:40:54.041 that's already dented?" 956 00:40:54.125 --> 00:40:57.041 I'm like, "If it's cool, hell yeah I would." 957 00:40:58.125 --> 00:41:00.417 He told me. He's like, "Hey, have a seat. 958 00:41:00.500 --> 00:41:02.417 I wanna talk to you." I'm all, "All right." 959 00:41:02.500 --> 00:41:03.792 He goes to his closet, opens it up, 960 00:41:03.875 --> 00:41:05.166 he showed me stacks of ripped jeans 961 00:41:05.250 --> 00:41:07.083 he doesn't wear anymore because they're ripped. 962 00:41:07.166 --> 00:41:08.959 He's all, "Look at this. You don't see me wearing them." 963 00:41:09.041 --> 00:41:10.375 And I was like, "What size are they?" 964 00:41:10.458 --> 00:41:11.500 He's like, "Shut the hell up, man." 965 00:41:14.291 --> 00:41:16.083 My mom felt bad-- My mom felt bad 966 00:41:16.166 --> 00:41:18.792 that my dad was giving me a hard time 967 00:41:18.875 --> 00:41:20.834 about the jeans so, again, I go on the road, 968 00:41:20.917 --> 00:41:22.250 I come back like a week later. 969 00:41:22.333 --> 00:41:24.166 You know what my adorable mom did? 970 00:41:24.250 --> 00:41:26.500 She got all my ripped jeans and just sewed them up. 971 00:41:29.417 --> 00:41:31.667 What do you say to that? "Thank you." 972 00:41:33.041 --> 00:41:35.917 Certain things you can't explain, man. 973 00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:39.333 Abstract art. 974 00:41:39.417 --> 00:41:42.959 To my parent's generation, art looked like art, 975 00:41:43.041 --> 00:41:43.875 They don't have an appreciation for other things. 976 00:41:43.959 --> 00:41:46.750 They're like, "What is this?" You know? 977 00:41:46.834 --> 00:41:49.333 So I have a friend, Talented, talented artist, 978 00:41:49.417 --> 00:41:51.875 his name's Taylor and I went to one of his shows. 979 00:41:51.959 --> 00:41:55.750 And he sold out on all his abstract art 980 00:41:55.834 --> 00:41:57.333 and it was beautiful, man. I was so happy. 981 00:41:57.417 --> 00:41:59.667 I was, like, cheering for him. Like, "Man, this is awesome." 982 00:41:59.750 --> 00:42:01.000 But he had one piece left. 983 00:42:01.083 --> 00:42:02.959 He's like, "No, I didn't sell one. 984 00:42:03.041 --> 00:42:04.000 I'm left with one piece." I said, "Oh, that's awesome." 985 00:42:04.083 --> 00:42:06.458 He's all, "I'm gonna give it to you." 986 00:42:06.542 --> 00:42:07.667 I said, "No, you don't-- you don't have to. 987 00:42:07.750 --> 00:42:09.291 I couldn't afford it." 988 00:42:09.375 --> 00:42:10.333 He's like, "No, I'm giving it to you. 989 00:42:10.417 --> 00:42:12.500 Thank you for coming out." I'm like, "Ah, shit. 990 00:42:12.583 --> 00:42:14.000 Thank you, man." 991 00:42:14.083 --> 00:42:14.875 So, I was so happy. This is my first ever art piece. 992 00:42:14.959 --> 00:42:17.750 You know, I grab it, I go home, 993 00:42:17.834 --> 00:42:19.375 and I put it up on my wall. 994 00:42:19.458 --> 00:42:21.125 And I'm so proud, man. This is my first art piece. 995 00:42:21.166 --> 00:42:24.583 And all it is, it's a big, white square 996 00:42:24.667 --> 00:42:27.542 red triangle, 997 00:42:27.625 --> 00:42:28.750 uh, yellow rectangle, 998 00:42:28.834 --> 00:42:32.417 red circle, squiggly line. 999 00:42:32.500 --> 00:42:35.417 Abstract art, you know what I mean? 1000 00:42:35.500 --> 00:42:36.375 And I'm proud. I'm just soaking it in. 1001 00:42:36.458 --> 00:42:39.250 I'm like, "Wow, this is beautiful, man." 1002 00:42:39.333 --> 00:42:40.917 And then I hear my dad's slippers walk into the room. 1003 00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:46.000 -Just... 1004 00:42:46.083 --> 00:42:48.000 And I don't even wanna turn around 1005 00:42:48.083 --> 00:42:50.750 'cause I can feel the heat from my dad's eyes on my neck. 1006 00:42:50.834 --> 00:42:53.000 -Just burning a hole. 1007 00:42:53.083 --> 00:42:55.917 -Just...shh... 1008 00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:57.083 I don't know what it is. 1009 00:42:57.166 --> 00:42:58.333 My dad's always chewing something. 1010 00:42:58.417 --> 00:42:59.750 Just..., you know? 1011 00:43:01.542 --> 00:43:06.291 And I can hear it behind me. Just, shhhh and then . 1012 00:43:07.542 --> 00:43:09.917 But I don't wanna turn around. Just letting him wait. 1013 00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:11.458 Finally, he can't take it no more. 1014 00:43:11.542 --> 00:43:14.750 He's like, "Wha--What the hell is this?" 1015 00:43:14.834 --> 00:43:16.041 Like, "Dad! I didn't even know you were there." 1016 00:43:16.125 --> 00:43:19.458 You know? He's all, "What is this?" 1017 00:43:19.542 --> 00:43:22.709 I'm like, "Oh, this is, uh-- this is abstract art." 1018 00:43:22.792 --> 00:43:23.792 He's like, "Who gave you that?" 1019 00:43:23.875 --> 00:43:26.208 I'm like, "Oh, oh, oh, my friend gave it to me." 1020 00:43:26.291 --> 00:43:27.625 He's all, "How old's your friend? Five?" 1021 00:43:30.500 --> 00:43:33.208 "Ha ha! Yeah, I can see why you think that, 1022 00:43:33.291 --> 00:43:35.125 but, uh, no he's like 30-something years old." 1023 00:43:35.208 --> 00:43:38.291 "Oh, okay. So he did this when he was younger 1024 00:43:38.375 --> 00:43:39.417 -or something?" 1025 00:43:39.500 --> 00:43:41.041 "No." 1026 00:43:41.125 --> 00:43:43.458 He's like, "Is he gonna finish it?" 1027 00:43:43.542 --> 00:43:44.208 I'm like, "It's done, Dad. It's done. 1028 00:43:44.291 --> 00:43:48.750 -This is it." 1029 00:43:48.834 --> 00:43:50.417 So there's certain things I can't explain to my father. 1030 00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:53.333 So, I don't know why I tried, but in my heart I'm like, 1031 00:43:53.417 --> 00:43:55.500 "You know what? I'm gonna run a marathon 1032 00:43:55.583 --> 00:43:56.709 and I'm gonna make my father proud." 1033 00:43:56.792 --> 00:44:00.041 'Cause we don't have any trophies or medals in our name. 1034 00:44:00.125 --> 00:44:02.917 -In our last name. 1035 00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:04.291 So I'm like, "He's gonna be really proud. 1036 00:44:04.375 --> 00:44:06.041 This is gonna be our first one. 1037 00:44:06.125 --> 00:44:07.500 He's gonna get rid of all of 'em and this is gonna be it." 1038 00:44:07.583 --> 00:44:09.500 So I train for a year. Uh, for a year straight 1039 00:44:09.583 --> 00:44:13.166 every day rain or shine. In the morning I would wake up 1040 00:44:13.250 --> 00:44:15.333 and run three miles a day and I did that 1041 00:44:15.417 --> 00:44:17.917 for a whole year to train. I felt good. 1042 00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:21.625 Uh, I now know that that was incorrect, you know? 1043 00:44:21.709 --> 00:44:24.667 'Cause at some point you gotta run more than three miles. 1044 00:44:27.125 --> 00:44:29.375 And, um, but I ran it with a friend of mine 1045 00:44:29.458 --> 00:44:31.834 and my friend was very gracious and saying that he was 1046 00:44:31.917 --> 00:44:34.834 meet me at the race. 1047 00:44:34.917 --> 00:44:37.333 Uh, at the start line the day of, you know? 1048 00:44:37.417 --> 00:44:39.125 So, I get there and I'm stretching. 1049 00:44:39.208 --> 00:44:40.709 I'm, like, in a good mood, and he shows up. 1050 00:44:40.792 --> 00:44:42.250 He's like, "Hey, man, good to see you." 1051 00:44:42.333 --> 00:44:43.500 I'm like, "Man, good to see you, too. Are you ready?" 1052 00:44:43.583 --> 00:44:46.208 He's like, "Yeah, I'm ready." He's all, "Did you train?" 1053 00:44:46.291 --> 00:44:48.000 I'm like, "I did. Three miles a day." 1054 00:44:48.083 --> 00:44:50.834 -He's like, "What the fuck?" 1055 00:44:50.917 --> 00:44:52.750 He's all, "You're kidding!" I said, "No! 1056 00:44:52.834 --> 00:44:55.500 That's pretty good, right?" He's like, "No, that's bad." 1057 00:44:55.583 --> 00:44:58.166 He's all, "You're gotta run more than three miles a day." 1058 00:44:58.250 --> 00:44:59.792 He's like, "Ah, but it's too late now." 1059 00:44:59.875 --> 00:45:03.667 -I'm like, "I guess." 1060 00:45:03.792 --> 00:45:05.875 I'm like, "Do you have any tips for me?" 1061 00:45:05.959 --> 00:45:08.041 He's like, "Uh... 1062 00:45:08.125 --> 00:45:11.208 -go home, maybe? I don't--" 1063 00:45:11.291 --> 00:45:12.917 Like, "No, I'm gonna stay." He's all, "All right. 1064 00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:15.959 No, I'm kidding. I'm--I'm glad you're here. 1065 00:45:16.041 --> 00:45:17.750 He's all, "The biggest tip I can give you..." 1066 00:45:17.834 --> 00:45:20.041 He's like, "Look, you're gonna be running for so long 1067 00:45:20.125 --> 00:45:22.625 that if you don't eat stuff, you can faint 1068 00:45:22.709 --> 00:45:24.917 and, like, die." He's like, "People, like, 1069 00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:26.375 poop themselves and all kinds of stuff. 1070 00:45:26.458 --> 00:45:28.250 And they throw up." He's all, "You gotta eat." 1071 00:45:28.333 --> 00:45:31.417 I'm like, "Oh, no, I'll eat for sure." 1072 00:45:31.500 --> 00:45:33.583 And I did. I ate everything they gave me. 1073 00:45:33.667 --> 00:45:36.250 I ate cookies, donuts, sandwiches. 1074 00:45:36.333 --> 00:45:38.417 Brownies. I ate everything, man. 1075 00:45:38.500 --> 00:45:41.709 I'm the first marathon runner ever to weigh more at the end... 1076 00:45:43.417 --> 00:45:46.417 than the beginning of the marathon. 1077 00:45:46.500 --> 00:45:48.875 "Mr. Trejo, would you run the marathon again?" 1078 00:45:48.959 --> 00:45:50.750 "Absolutely. It was delicious." 1079 00:45:55.041 --> 00:45:58.291 But I ran it, man. It was--It was so cool. 1080 00:45:58.375 --> 00:46:00.083 Uh, L.A. Marathon, it's, uh, Dodger Stadium 1081 00:46:00.166 --> 00:46:03.291 all the way to Santa Monica Pier. 1082 00:46:03.375 --> 00:46:05.083 - Wow. -Yeah, 26.2 miles. 1083 00:46:05.166 --> 00:46:07.834 Like, that's far in a car, you know what I mean? 1084 00:46:07.917 --> 00:46:10.291 It took me five hours, 44 minutes, 1085 00:46:10.375 --> 00:46:12.083 -39 seconds, you know? 1086 00:46:12.166 --> 00:46:13.583 I still got the quicker had I driven through 1087 00:46:13.667 --> 00:46:16.542 -L.A. traffic, you know? 1088 00:46:16.625 --> 00:46:19.625 But I did it, man. Biggest accomplishment, man. 1089 00:46:19.709 --> 00:46:22.917 And, uh, I remember running and--and just enjoying it. 1090 00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:24.417 'Cause I had never run a marathon. 1091 00:46:24.500 --> 00:46:27.000 I was having a great time. I'm running, and, uh, 1092 00:46:27.083 --> 00:46:28.917 I didn't know what "goo" was. Maybe you guys know 1093 00:46:29.000 --> 00:46:30.417 -what "goo" is. - Yeah. 1094 00:46:30.500 --> 00:46:31.917 Uh, yeah, like little packets of caffeine. 1095 00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:33.709 100 mg, you know? 1096 00:46:33.792 --> 00:46:35.166 And I was killin' 'em 'cause I didn't know it was, 1097 00:46:35.250 --> 00:46:37.166 -like, caffeine. 1098 00:46:37.250 --> 00:46:39.166 It was just delicious. So I'm killing 'em. 1099 00:46:39.250 --> 00:46:40.500 Killin' 'em. 1100 00:46:40.583 --> 00:46:42.542 And I-I felt, like, a energy boost. 1101 00:46:42.625 --> 00:46:45.750 And, uh, my homie was like, "Hey, you know those have 1102 00:46:45.792 --> 00:46:48.083 caffeine?" I'm like, "No, way." 1103 00:46:48.208 --> 00:46:49.625 You know, I'm probably running faster. 1104 00:46:49.709 --> 00:46:51.959 In my head I'm, like, jetting, you know? 1105 00:46:54.792 --> 00:46:56.667 The reality was I was just like, "Oh." 1106 00:46:56.750 --> 00:46:58.458 -Like, "Oh, no. 1107 00:46:58.542 --> 00:47:01.125 Oh, this is not good, man." 1108 00:47:01.208 --> 00:47:03.041 I looked like a crackhead from Long Beach, 1109 00:47:03.125 --> 00:47:05.291 you know what I mean? "Give me your shoes. 1110 00:47:05.375 --> 00:47:07.500 Give me your shoes. 1111 00:47:07.583 --> 00:47:11.291 -Stop curling your toes, bro." 1112 00:47:11.375 --> 00:47:13.500 But I ran it, man. 1113 00:47:13.583 --> 00:47:14.625 And I kept eating 'em, eating 'em. 1114 00:47:14.709 --> 00:47:18.333 And then at one point I was just so excited, man. 1115 00:47:18.417 --> 00:47:21.166 I was just so excited that, uh, people give you stuff, 1116 00:47:21.250 --> 00:47:22.875 like, along the way. They give you, like, little cups 1117 00:47:22.959 --> 00:47:25.333 of Gatorades at the water station, 1118 00:47:25.417 --> 00:47:27.709 uh, they give you, like, water, and then at one point 1119 00:47:27.792 --> 00:47:29.667 I see this woman. She has a Popsicle stick out 1120 00:47:29.750 --> 00:47:33.000 with a big chunk of goo. Big ole thing like this 1121 00:47:33.083 --> 00:47:34.875 and she's holding it up and I'm like, "Oh, 1122 00:47:34.959 --> 00:47:37.667 -I haven't had the vanilla one. 1123 00:47:37.750 --> 00:47:40.750 This is gonna be good." So I'm, like, going over there, 1124 00:47:40.875 --> 00:47:41.625 -you know? 1125 00:47:41.750 --> 00:47:43.500 More like... just going over there. 1126 00:47:43.583 --> 00:47:47.250 And, um, so I get closer. It's like you know when you, 1127 00:47:47.333 --> 00:47:49.375 like, about to eat something and in your head you're like, 1128 00:47:49.458 --> 00:47:52.250 "Oh, this is a flavor that I'm about to get into"? 1129 00:47:52.333 --> 00:47:55.750 So, I'm like, "Oh, this is gonna be so good." You know? 1130 00:47:55.834 --> 00:47:58.500 I grab it and I eat it. It was all Vaseline, 1131 00:47:58.583 --> 00:48:00.125 -so... 1132 00:48:00.208 --> 00:48:03.250 One of the most disgusting things I've ever eaten 1133 00:48:03.333 --> 00:48:05.250 -in my life. 1134 00:48:05.333 --> 00:48:07.458 It's so hard to get Vaseline out of your mouth, man. 1135 00:48:07.542 --> 00:48:10.917 Water doesn't help. It just glides off. 1136 00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:12.709 "Aah...aah..." 1137 00:48:15.083 --> 00:48:18.083 And then about 30 minutes later I'm running, I'm running, 1138 00:48:18.166 --> 00:48:19.834 I'm having a good time, and then I just hear my stomach 1139 00:48:19.917 --> 00:48:21.834 -go, . 1140 00:48:21.917 --> 00:48:26.250 I'm like, "Oh, no, the Goo Gods are talking." 1141 00:48:26.333 --> 00:48:29.667 -So I had to go to the restroom 1142 00:48:29.750 --> 00:48:32.041 and I went to the restroom. I took the most immaculate 1143 00:48:32.125 --> 00:48:34.166 number two I've ever taken in my life. 1144 00:48:34.250 --> 00:48:37.041 Easy, no pressure. Just... 1145 00:48:37.125 --> 00:48:39.834 - Done. 1146 00:48:39.917 --> 00:48:43.125 Not a trace. Just like, "Really? Nothing? 1147 00:48:49.875 --> 00:48:53.250 That was pretty cool." Like a little phantom deuce, 1148 00:48:53.333 --> 00:48:55.959 -you know? 1149 00:48:56.041 --> 00:48:59.250 So I got back out there, man, and I'm just running, man. 1150 00:48:59.333 --> 00:49:02.125 I'm doing my thing. And it feels good, you know? 1151 00:49:02.208 --> 00:49:04.458 So about mile 11 I broke off from my friend. 1152 00:49:04.542 --> 00:49:06.125 I'm like, "Hey, man, I'm gonna go ahead." 1153 00:49:06.208 --> 00:49:07.959 He's like, "Hey, man, do you. Do you" 1154 00:49:08.041 --> 00:49:09.750 I'm like, "All right." So, you know, I started 1155 00:49:09.834 --> 00:49:12.291 getting ahead and then around mile 16 1156 00:49:12.375 --> 00:49:14.542 my body starts to break down. I feel it. 1157 00:49:14.625 --> 00:49:17.250 My knees sound like, just, uh, empty water bottles 1158 00:49:17.333 --> 00:49:18.542 being crushed. It's just... 1159 00:49:18.625 --> 00:49:22.250 "This is not good, you know?" But I'm going. 1160 00:49:22.333 --> 00:49:23.625 Um, I started getting pain in my lower back. 1161 00:49:23.709 --> 00:49:25.959 You know, it feels like somebody's tasering me. 1162 00:49:26.041 --> 00:49:27.458 I got a headache from all the caffeine goo 1163 00:49:27.542 --> 00:49:30.208 I've been eating, but I'm going. 1164 00:49:30.291 --> 00:49:33.917 So it's now mile 26, right? Mile 26. 1165 00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:36.500 I'm .2 miles away from the finish line 1166 00:49:36.583 --> 00:49:38.125 and I can see it! I'm right there. 1167 00:49:38.208 --> 00:49:40.417 I'm about to be done, but I take what I think 1168 00:49:40.500 --> 00:49:43.166 is gonna be my last step ever in life. 1169 00:49:43.250 --> 00:49:44.500 -I take the last step. 1170 00:49:44.583 --> 00:49:47.917 I'm like, "Ugh, I can't go anymore." 1171 00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:49.500 I'm like, "I-I have to take another step." 1172 00:49:49.583 --> 00:49:51.625 So I take another step. I'm like, " 1173 00:49:51.709 --> 00:49:55.041 That hurts so much." And if you've ever run 1174 00:49:55.125 --> 00:49:57.000 a marathon, you know how supportive people can be. 1175 00:49:57.083 --> 00:49:59.166 They're very supportive and that's what's beautiful 1176 00:49:59.250 --> 00:50:00.500 about a marathon, you know? People supporting people 1177 00:50:00.583 --> 00:50:03.834 to accomplish a life-long dream or a goal. 1178 00:50:03.917 --> 00:50:06.667 And I'm there and I'm just like, "I don't know what to do." 1179 00:50:06.750 --> 00:50:09.291 And this elderly woman runs past me and she's like, 1180 00:50:09.375 --> 00:50:10.709 "Baby, you can do it." I'm like, "Ah! 1181 00:50:10.792 --> 00:50:14.333 -That hurt so much! 1182 00:50:14.417 --> 00:50:18.250 You're not helping!" 1183 00:50:18.291 --> 00:50:19.625 That hurt a lot. 1184 00:50:19.709 --> 00:50:21.417 And I thought about quitting at that moment. 1185 00:50:21.500 --> 00:50:23.750 I said, "You know what? I'm done. 1186 00:50:23.834 --> 00:50:24.583 I don't wanna do this no more. I'm done." 1187 00:50:24.709 --> 00:50:27.208 But I remind myself why I'm there. 1188 00:50:27.291 --> 00:50:28.959 I'm like, "You know, don't you wanna make your dad proud?" 1189 00:50:29.041 --> 00:50:31.542 I'm like, "Yeah, I do." So I stay, you know? 1190 00:50:31.625 --> 00:50:35.000 And I take another step and I'm like, 1191 00:50:35.083 --> 00:50:36.500 "I think I can do this." 1192 00:50:36.583 --> 00:50:37.208 So I started taking my little steps and I'm just 1193 00:50:37.291 --> 00:50:38.583 going for it, you know? 1194 00:50:38.667 --> 00:50:40.583 My shoulder blades hurt so much at this point. 1195 00:50:40.667 --> 00:50:43.166 They're all cramped up that I can't, like, 1196 00:50:43.250 --> 00:50:45.583 keep my arms straight to run. They're like coiled up. 1197 00:50:45.667 --> 00:50:47.417 And I'm like, "That's not stopping me." 1198 00:50:47.500 --> 00:50:50.291 I'm just going for it. I'm going. 1199 00:50:50.375 --> 00:50:52.291 And then as I'm going, people start clapping for me. 1200 00:50:52.375 --> 00:50:53.333 They're like, "You can do it!" I'm like, "All right, 1201 00:50:53.417 --> 00:50:55.709 -thank you, man. 1202 00:50:55.792 --> 00:50:59.333 Appreciate y'all. All right. " 1203 00:51:03.792 --> 00:51:06.291 And I keep going. I'm getting, like, more energy. 1204 00:51:06.375 --> 00:51:07.834 I'm like, "Yeah! Hell yeah, man!" 1205 00:51:07.917 --> 00:51:09.750 And then I look back and everyone's cheering. 1206 00:51:09.834 --> 00:51:10.667 They're like, "Keep going!" I'm like, "All right! 1207 00:51:10.750 --> 00:51:12.583 -All right! Sorry, man. 1208 00:51:12.667 --> 00:51:16.333 I didn't know you can't stop, you know?" 1209 00:51:16.417 --> 00:51:19.166 I looked to my left, this woman is crying, man. 1210 00:51:19.250 --> 00:51:20.542 I look to my left and she's crying. 1211 00:51:20.625 --> 00:51:23.333 She's like, "Keep going, baby!" I'm like, "I am. Are you okay?" 1212 00:51:23.417 --> 00:51:25.417 She's like, "Yeah, keep going! This is beautiful!" 1213 00:51:25.500 --> 00:51:27.291 I'm like, "What is? 1214 00:51:30.291 --> 00:51:33.834 What's beautiful? 1215 00:51:33.917 --> 00:51:36.709 The sky? I know that one." 1216 00:51:36.792 --> 00:51:39.625 So I just keep going, man. 1217 00:51:39.709 --> 00:51:41.625 And I'm getting closer. I'm like, "Oh, hell yeah!" 1218 00:51:41.709 --> 00:51:43.125 -You know? 1219 00:51:43.208 --> 00:51:45.166 And then I look to my right and I see this woman. 1220 00:51:45.250 --> 00:51:46.792 She's crying, too, but I can't hear 'cause it's so loud. 1221 00:51:46.875 --> 00:51:50.375 People are cheering, but I can read her lips. 1222 00:51:50.458 --> 00:51:52.500 I look at her. I'm like, "What is she saying?" 1223 00:51:52.583 --> 00:51:54.375 She's like, "You are an inspiration to me." 1224 00:51:54.458 --> 00:51:56.375 -I go, "Oh, no... 1225 00:51:56.458 --> 00:51:59.709 Oh, man. This is not good." 1226 00:51:59.792 --> 00:52:01.667 They think this is something else. 1227 00:52:06.667 --> 00:52:10.083 I am now embarrassed off my ass. 1228 00:52:11.208 --> 00:52:14.542 I want this whole thing to be over, you know? 1229 00:52:14.625 --> 00:52:17.458 I'm not having a good time. 1230 00:52:17.542 --> 00:52:19.917 So I just keep going. 1231 00:52:22.208 --> 00:52:23.291 And then I realized something. 1232 00:52:23.375 --> 00:52:26.000 I realized something, man, 1233 00:52:26.083 --> 00:52:27.792 and, I think, um, we all have a moment 1234 00:52:27.875 --> 00:52:30.792 as an adult that--that--that changed you. 1235 00:52:30.875 --> 00:52:32.458 This was this moment for me as an adult. 1236 00:52:32.542 --> 00:52:35.125 This changed me 'cause I realized that they 1237 00:52:35.208 --> 00:52:37.000 were not cheering for me. 1238 00:52:37.083 --> 00:52:39.750 They were cheering for a gentleman in front of me. 1239 00:52:39.834 --> 00:52:42.959 And, um...I get goosebumps to this day telling this story 1240 00:52:43.041 --> 00:52:45.166 because, uh, I didn't know what condition he had, 1241 00:52:45.250 --> 00:52:46.792 but he had a condition. I'm no doctor. 1242 00:52:46.875 --> 00:52:48.959 I don't know what that was, but it was very beautiful 1243 00:52:49.041 --> 00:52:51.500 'cause I don't care who you are, you cannot wake up one day 1244 00:52:51.583 --> 00:52:53.041 and say, "I'm running a marathon." 1245 00:52:53.125 --> 00:52:55.458 You have to train at least incorrectly, like I did 1246 00:52:55.542 --> 00:52:58.542 -you know? 1247 00:52:58.583 --> 00:53:01.542 And I'm looking at him and he's, like, going for it. 1248 00:53:01.583 --> 00:53:04.792 Like, no one's cheering for him. Well, they were, you know? 1249 00:53:06.500 --> 00:53:09.333 But it was so cool 'cause he wasn't trying to impress nobody. 1250 00:53:09.417 --> 00:53:10.375 He was trying to impress himself. 1251 00:53:10.458 --> 00:53:14.041 And here I was trying to impress my dad, you know? 1252 00:53:14.125 --> 00:53:16.834 And this is how I know I'm not a good person. 1253 00:53:16.917 --> 00:53:20.709 'Cause my second thought was, "How the hell 1254 00:53:20.792 --> 00:53:24.667 -is he in front of me?" 1255 00:53:24.750 --> 00:53:27.375 So I had one more packet of goo. I took the hit. 1256 00:53:27.458 --> 00:53:29.583 I said, "Let's do it, bro." 1257 00:53:31.667 --> 00:53:35.583 And I'm going. I can't catch up, man. 1258 00:53:35.667 --> 00:53:37.583 I'm trying so hard to catch up. I cannot. 1259 00:53:37.667 --> 00:53:39.542 I get close, but I don't catch up. 1260 00:53:39.625 --> 00:53:42.041 And I'm going and I'm going. And I-I-- 1261 00:53:42.125 --> 00:53:44.750 you know, he looks at me, I look at him. 1262 00:53:46.709 --> 00:53:48.750 And I say, "Hey, can I just talk to you for a minute?" 1263 00:53:48.834 --> 00:53:50.750 He's all, "What's up?" I'm like, 1264 00:53:50.834 --> 00:53:51.750 "Hey, you're impressive, man, I've been behind you 1265 00:53:51.834 --> 00:53:55.375 for a while now apparently and, um... 1266 00:53:55.458 --> 00:53:57.834 -You're really good, man." 1267 00:53:57.917 --> 00:53:59.250 He's like, "Yeah, did you train?" 1268 00:53:59.333 --> 00:54:01.208 I said, "I did. Three miles." And he laughed. 1269 00:54:01.291 --> 00:54:03.375 I'm like, "Oh, screw you, man. All right... 1270 00:54:03.458 --> 00:54:04.917 you can lead, bro." 1271 00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:06.208 And then I realized something as well. 1272 00:54:06.291 --> 00:54:10.375 That when you run a marathon and you cross the finish line, 1273 00:54:10.458 --> 00:54:12.375 they take a picture. 1274 00:54:12.458 --> 00:54:15.792 I'm like, "Man, I can't have this dude anywhere near me." 1275 00:54:18.500 --> 00:54:20.417 Not that I care. I don't care. 1276 00:54:20.500 --> 00:54:21.625 I think it's really impressive, but I just won't be able 1277 00:54:21.667 --> 00:54:24.709 to explain this to my father. 1278 00:54:27.083 --> 00:54:30.041 So I go and I'm going and I'm going. 1279 00:54:30.125 --> 00:54:31.917 I cross the finish line. 1280 00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:33.291 Race is done. 1281 00:54:33.375 --> 00:54:35.709 Twenty six-point-two miles. Five hours, forty four minutes, 1282 00:54:35.792 --> 00:54:37.750 thirty nine seconds. Freaking done. 1283 00:54:37.834 --> 00:54:40.750 Biggest accomplishment of my life, man. 1284 00:54:40.834 --> 00:54:43.333 -Oh, thank you. 1285 00:54:43.417 --> 00:54:47.625 So great. So, I sit down and I'm like-- 1286 00:54:47.709 --> 00:54:49.834 I'm tired of course. I'm in a lot of pain, 1287 00:54:49.917 --> 00:54:51.834 but I start getting really cold and I don't know why. 1288 00:54:51.917 --> 00:54:52.583 I start shaking, you know? 1289 00:54:52.667 --> 00:54:55.417 And then, uh-- I know this now, 1290 00:54:55.500 --> 00:54:57.041 that if you've been moving for so long 1291 00:54:57.125 --> 00:55:00.500 and then you stop, you can catch hypothermia. 1292 00:55:00.583 --> 00:55:03.250 So, I was like potentially catching hypothermia. 1293 00:55:03.333 --> 00:55:04.875 I'm so cold. So, a lady runs over 1294 00:55:04.959 --> 00:55:06.792 with, like, an aluminum blanket. She has a yellow shirt. 1295 00:55:06.875 --> 00:55:08.917 It says "Staff." And, uh, she wraps me up 1296 00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:11.583 in this thing and I think it's a bad prank, 1297 00:55:11.667 --> 00:55:13.792 -you know? 1298 00:55:13.875 --> 00:55:15.792 Wrap the Mexican guy in aluminum foil? 1299 00:55:15.875 --> 00:55:16.959 -Good. 1300 00:55:17.041 --> 00:55:21.333 I'm just there shaking like, "Oh, no. All right." 1301 00:55:21.417 --> 00:55:24.625 And, um, she leaves, but then the woman comes over 1302 00:55:24.709 --> 00:55:28.583 and, uh, she--she's from the marathon. 1303 00:55:28.667 --> 00:55:30.458 "Staff" shirt and she's like, "Hey, baby. 1304 00:55:30.542 --> 00:55:32.792 Congratulations." She's like, "You finished 1305 00:55:32.875 --> 00:55:36.000 the L.A. Marathon. The 33rd annual L.A. Marathon." 1306 00:55:36.083 --> 00:55:37.583 I said, "Awesome. Thank you." 1307 00:55:37.625 --> 00:55:40.458 She's like, "Look, I have something for you." 1308 00:55:40.542 --> 00:55:42.208 She puts the medal on. I feel the weight of it. 1309 00:55:42.291 --> 00:55:44.208 I'm a mess. I'm crying, you know? 1310 00:55:44.291 --> 00:55:45.875 She's like, "Congratulations." She's like, "You finished in 1311 00:55:45.959 --> 00:55:49.333 under six hours so that means everyone 1312 00:55:49.417 --> 00:55:51.583 from first place all the way to-- 1313 00:55:51.667 --> 00:55:53.375 I don't know what place you got." 1314 00:55:53.458 --> 00:55:55.542 I'm like, "Ah, don't say it like that, you know what I'm saying?" 1315 00:55:55.625 --> 00:55:57.166 She's all, "But you get the medal. 1316 00:55:57.250 --> 00:55:58.750 I said, "Thank you so much." She's like, "Congratulations. 1317 00:55:58.834 --> 00:56:00.208 We'll see you next year." 1318 00:56:00.291 --> 00:56:01.959 I'm like, "No, you will never see me. 1319 00:56:02.625 --> 00:56:05.709 I don't like it here." 1320 00:56:08.750 --> 00:56:10.208 And then she's like, "Oh, before I forget. 1321 00:56:10.291 --> 00:56:11.375 This is yours." And so she goes over 1322 00:56:11.458 --> 00:56:15.333 and hands me this, like, cardboard folder thing, right? 1323 00:56:15.417 --> 00:56:16.417 And then she leaves. I'm like, "Oh, thank you." 1324 00:56:16.500 --> 00:56:18.959 And I unwrap my aluminum foil costume, you know? 1325 00:56:19.041 --> 00:56:22.917 And I open it and it's a picture of the marathon. 1326 00:56:23.000 --> 00:56:24.875 Me crossing the finish line. I'm like, "Wow. 1327 00:56:24.959 --> 00:56:28.500 I can--Fuck! He's right there! 1328 00:56:31.667 --> 00:56:35.875 Damn it! Now what, man?!" 1329 00:56:35.959 --> 00:56:39.709 I'm tired! I'm tired. I wanna go home, you know? 1330 00:56:39.792 --> 00:56:42.125 And, uh, so I gotta take a Uber from Santa Monica 1331 00:56:42.208 --> 00:56:44.542 all the way to Long Beach and, um... 1332 00:56:44.625 --> 00:56:48.667 so I take the Uber, but the whole way that I'm headed home 1333 00:56:48.750 --> 00:56:50.750 I'm, like, praying that my father isn't home. 1334 00:56:50.834 --> 00:56:53.583 'Cause--Look, tough love. It's fine, but, like-- 1335 00:56:53.667 --> 00:56:56.917 like, I just imagine, like, my dad is like that kinda guy. 1336 00:56:56.959 --> 00:56:58.166 If he was to walk in on me about to commit suicide 1337 00:56:58.250 --> 00:57:01.041 with a gun in my mouth, first thing he would say, 1338 00:57:01.125 --> 00:57:02.917 "Hey, put some plastic up or some shit, man. 1339 00:57:03.000 --> 00:57:06.667 You're gonna make a big fucking mess here! 1340 00:57:06.750 --> 00:57:08.500 Look, I don't wanna lose my son and the deposit. 1341 00:57:08.583 --> 00:57:11.417 That's not good." 1342 00:57:15.250 --> 00:57:17.458 So that's what I gotta go home to. 1343 00:57:17.542 --> 00:57:21.750 So I get home and I just wanna beeline to my room and lay down. 1344 00:57:21.834 --> 00:57:23.583 So I open the door. My dad's watching the game. 1345 00:57:23.667 --> 00:57:26.000 -I'm just like, going over. 1346 00:57:26.083 --> 00:57:28.834 He goes, "Jesus!" I'm like, "Ah, shit." 1347 00:57:28.917 --> 00:57:31.000 I'm like, "Hey. What's up?" 1348 00:57:31.083 --> 00:57:33.375 He's all, "Why you look like that?" 1349 00:57:36.625 --> 00:57:37.750 "What are you talking about?" 1350 00:57:37.834 --> 00:57:39.458 He's like, "You look like that." 1351 00:57:39.542 --> 00:57:40.959 He's all, "Don't tell me. Don't tell me." 1352 00:57:41.041 --> 00:57:42.041 He's all, "You finally got a real man job? 1353 00:57:42.125 --> 00:57:45.834 A real man job, um, you know, where your pants 1354 00:57:45.917 --> 00:57:48.709 can rip working and stuff?" 1355 00:57:48.792 --> 00:57:51.083 Like, "No, I still tell jokes, but I ran the marathon, Dad." 1356 00:57:51.166 --> 00:57:54.250 -He's all, "Oh, that's cute." 1357 00:57:54.333 --> 00:57:55.917 I'm like, "What do you mean? 'That's cute'?" 1358 00:57:56.000 --> 00:57:57.542 He's like, "Yeah, that's nothing, man." 1359 00:57:57.625 --> 00:57:59.125 He's all, "How many miles is that?" 1360 00:57:59.208 --> 00:58:02.458 I'm like, "26.2." He's all, "That's cute." 1361 00:58:02.542 --> 00:58:05.792 I'm like, "What are you talking about, Dad?" 1362 00:58:05.875 --> 00:58:07.083 He's like, "Look, man, have a seat. 1363 00:58:07.166 --> 00:58:08.917 I wanna talk to you, man." 1364 00:58:09.000 --> 00:58:11.792 He's all, "When I ran 100 miles over the border..." 1365 00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:16.917 He's all, "Nobody gave me Gatorade I want you to know." 1366 00:58:20.041 --> 00:58:21.709 How can I compete with that line? 1367 00:58:21.792 --> 00:58:23.625 "When I ran 100 miles--" I'm like, " I'm done. 1368 00:58:23.709 --> 00:58:24.917 -Here." 1369 00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:27.583 He's all, "Nobody gave me nothing. 1370 00:58:27.667 --> 00:58:29.125 I just have a trophy I gave to myself 1371 00:58:29.208 --> 00:58:31.333 when I 'lacrosse' the border. 1372 00:58:39.667 --> 00:58:42.333 He's like, "I gave that to myself because I did that." 1373 00:58:42.417 --> 00:58:44.709 He's all, "That's the problem with your generation. 1374 00:58:44.792 --> 00:58:45.875 Again..." He's like, "That's a problem with you Millennials. 1375 00:58:45.959 --> 00:58:47.709 Man, you do stuff to impress people. 1376 00:58:47.792 --> 00:58:49.208 You want people to like you 1377 00:58:49.291 --> 00:58:52.709 and you upload the pictures on Instaface." 1378 00:58:54.542 --> 00:58:55.375 I'm like, "I don't have that one yet, 1379 00:58:55.458 --> 00:58:58.750 but I'll be sure to sign up," you know? 1380 00:58:58.834 --> 00:59:00.542 He's all, "You want people to like you, man." 1381 00:59:00.625 --> 00:59:02.834 He's like, "You know why I ran 100 miles over the border? 1382 00:59:02.917 --> 00:59:03.875 'Cause I have responsibilities." 1383 00:59:03.959 --> 00:59:06.250 He's all, "You know what that is?" 1384 00:59:06.333 --> 00:59:09.083 I'm like, "I think so. I don't know..." 1385 00:59:09.166 --> 00:59:11.417 He's all, "I had responsibilities, man. 1386 00:59:11.500 --> 00:59:14.083 I had a wife, I had kids. 1387 00:59:14.166 --> 00:59:14.917 I had a side chick and a kid." 1388 00:59:15.000 --> 00:59:17.709 I'm like, "Get the hell outta here. 1389 00:59:17.792 --> 00:59:19.083 -You had a side chick 1390 00:59:19.166 --> 00:59:20.709 and a kid?" He's all, "Bro, that's you. 1391 00:59:20.792 --> 00:59:22.583 You know that, right?" I'm like, "Oh..." 1392 00:59:23.375 --> 00:59:26.750 All right. 1393 00:59:26.834 --> 00:59:28.542 Is that why you always had two jobs?" 1394 00:59:28.625 --> 00:59:31.625 "Two families, that's right." 1395 00:59:31.709 --> 00:59:32.875 Like, "Oh, man." He's all, "So now you tell me 1396 00:59:32.959 --> 00:59:36.834 why you ran the marathon." 1397 00:59:36.917 --> 00:59:39.625 I'm like, "Oh, man, I did it to impress you 1398 00:59:39.709 --> 00:59:42.458 and, uh, to get, uh, free Vaseline. 1399 00:59:42.542 --> 00:59:44.375 -I don't know. 1400 00:59:44.458 --> 00:59:47.208 A medal with our last name on it." 1401 00:59:47.291 --> 00:59:52.041 He's all, "Oh, I see that. That's pretty cool, man." 1402 00:59:52.125 --> 00:59:54.250 And this is the part where I almost got disowned. 1403 00:59:54.333 --> 00:59:57.083 He looks at me and he goes, "Did you pay to run?" 1404 00:59:57.166 --> 01:00:01.166 -I'm like, " 1405 01:00:01.250 --> 01:00:03.041 Yeah." 1406 01:00:03.125 --> 01:00:04.083 He's all, "How much did you pay?" 1407 01:00:04.166 --> 01:00:07.583 I'm like, "$150 dollars." He's all, "$150 dollars! 1408 01:00:07.667 --> 01:00:09.792 You're stupid, right?" 1409 01:00:09.875 --> 01:00:12.583 He's all, "You couldn't run on the sidewalk for free 1410 01:00:12.667 --> 01:00:13.417 following everybody?" 1411 01:00:13.500 --> 01:00:16.000 -I'm like, "Oh, man. 1412 01:00:16.083 --> 01:00:19.375 I didn't even think about that." 1413 01:00:23.875 --> 01:00:27.500 And I'm just there feeling bad for myself, you know? 1414 01:00:27.625 --> 01:00:29.709 Bad, but proud, you know? 1415 01:00:29.792 --> 01:00:31.208 It's like, "I did it." You know? 1416 01:00:31.291 --> 01:00:33.959 And then my dad goes, "What's that in your hand?" 1417 01:00:34.041 --> 01:00:37.583 -I'm like, "Oh, nothing." 1418 01:00:37.667 --> 01:00:39.917 He's all, "What is it?" I'm like, "Oh, nothing." 1419 01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:40.959 "Tell me." I'm like, "It's a picture." 1420 01:00:41.041 --> 01:00:43.583 He's all, "I would love to see that." 1421 01:00:45.333 --> 01:00:46.875 "I don't wanna show you, Dad." 1422 01:00:46.959 --> 01:00:50.125 "I really wanna see it now." 1423 01:00:50.208 --> 01:00:52.959 Now, I don't have the energy to run from my father 1424 01:00:53.041 --> 01:00:55.458 or rip the picture. 1425 01:00:55.583 --> 01:00:57.583 He just goes over there just takes it from me. 1426 01:00:57.667 --> 01:00:59.291 Just...shht! "Give me that." 1427 01:00:59.417 --> 01:01:01.667 And he takes the picture, goes to the dinner table, 1428 01:01:01.750 --> 01:01:03.333 sets it down, opens it up. 1429 01:01:03.417 --> 01:01:05.208 He puts on his little Walgreens glasses 1430 01:01:05.291 --> 01:01:06.667 that come in the... 1431 01:01:06.750 --> 01:01:09.542 He puts on those glasses that come in the tube, you know? 1432 01:01:09.667 --> 01:01:11.959 Sit right here like Santa Claus, you know? 1433 01:01:13.291 --> 01:01:14.375 Like, to this day I feel like my dad doesn't, 1434 01:01:14.458 --> 01:01:17.458 like, need glasses. He always looks over 'em 1435 01:01:17.542 --> 01:01:19.166 like this, you know? 1436 01:01:23.625 --> 01:01:24.709 "You don't know what prescription you are." 1437 01:01:24.792 --> 01:01:27.792 "No, I don't know." 1438 01:01:27.875 --> 01:01:31.417 He probably had 20/20 this whole time. 1439 01:01:31.500 --> 01:01:32.375 Puts the picture down. He opens it 1440 01:01:32.458 --> 01:01:35.291 and he just looks at the picture, you know? 1441 01:01:48.875 --> 01:01:50.500 "Who the fuck is this guy?" 1442 01:01:53.041 --> 01:01:55.125 So now I gotta go over there and look, you know? 1443 01:01:55.208 --> 01:01:57.250 It's like, and I look. 1444 01:01:57.291 --> 01:01:58.375 I'm like, "Dad, that's me." He's like, "I know that's you. 1445 01:01:58.500 --> 01:02:01.041 Look at the guy next to you. He's making fun of you. 1446 01:02:01.166 --> 01:02:02.875 What the hell's going on here?" 1447 01:02:04.834 --> 01:02:06.375 I'm like, "Oh, man." 1448 01:02:06.458 --> 01:02:09.125 He's all, "Don't embarrass me like that no more." 1449 01:02:09.208 --> 01:02:12.333 My last name's on your bib, man. 1450 01:02:12.417 --> 01:02:14.000 He's all, "Don't do athletic things. 1451 01:02:14.083 --> 01:02:15.041 Can you just be a stay-at-home son? 1452 01:02:15.125 --> 01:02:16.500 Can you do that?" I'm like, "Yeah. 1453 01:02:16.583 --> 01:02:17.667 Hell yeah, I can do that." 1454 01:02:21.125 --> 01:02:22.834 My name's Jesus Trejo. That's my time. 1455 01:02:22.917 --> 01:02:24.041 Thank you, guys, so much!