WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:39.100 --> 00:00:40.767 This film is a work of fiction. 4 00:00:40.934 --> 00:00:43.726 Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental. 5 00:00:44.934 --> 00:00:48.142 Except regarding you, Marie-Claire Koevermans. 6 00:00:48.684 --> 00:00:51.600 Remember that name, Marie-Claire Koevermans. 7 00:00:51.767 --> 00:00:54.100 Whore. 8 00:01:24.600 --> 00:01:27.642 Mr Bosboom, two minutes to showtime. 9 00:01:38.309 --> 00:01:40.892 Everything's arranged as regards your rider. 10 00:01:41.059 --> 00:01:45.350 Let's see. One ridiculously expensive bottle of red wine. 11 00:01:45.517 --> 00:01:47.517 One ridiculously expensive cigar. 12 00:01:49.142 --> 00:01:51.851 And of course the assistant with a string, 13 00:01:52.018 --> 00:01:55.809 to let everyone know who's the boss here. 14 00:01:56.434 --> 00:02:00.600 And does the big, small star also need something? 15 00:02:03.475 --> 00:02:05.976 I'm practically puking from excitement. 16 00:02:07.100 --> 00:02:10.392 I've made him a small gift. 17 00:02:11.684 --> 00:02:13.434 Could you give it him? 18 00:02:15.018 --> 00:02:17.976 My child doesn't cuddle, my child sings. 19 00:02:26.892 --> 00:02:28.309 Time to earn some money. 20 00:02:46.183 --> 00:02:49.517 20 YEARS LATER 21 00:03:32.934 --> 00:03:36.934 Before I have to leave for my job, 22 00:03:37.142 --> 00:03:41.350 first I have to finish all the jobs at home, 23 00:03:41.517 --> 00:03:45.392 and having done a whole day's work, 24 00:03:45.559 --> 00:03:49.267 I can start all over again back at home... 25 00:03:49.726 --> 00:03:53.559 Good morning lovely camping, we're going to have a splendid.... 26 00:03:53.726 --> 00:03:57.976 Shut your mouth, I'm trying to sleep. 27 00:03:58.183 --> 00:04:02.559 Oh, sorry, I thought that the music... -Shut your face! 28 00:04:02.767 --> 00:04:05.559 I'm trying to listen to the music. 29 00:04:11.559 --> 00:04:13.392 Repair the fence. 30 00:04:17.183 --> 00:04:19.142 Forest overseer. 31 00:04:21.309 --> 00:04:25.517 Working before I go to work, working when I'm back from work, 32 00:04:25.684 --> 00:04:29.726 slaving away, the daily slog, getting worse day by day, 33 00:04:29.892 --> 00:04:31.976 working before I go to work... 34 00:04:32.517 --> 00:04:34.267 Game ranger. 35 00:04:34.434 --> 00:04:37.059 You'll never see the stress I'm under 36 00:04:37.267 --> 00:04:38.809 Jonas. 37 00:04:42.851 --> 00:04:45.350 Why don't you let me give him some mouth to mouth? 38 00:04:48.434 --> 00:04:49.809 Supervisor ranger. 39 00:04:49.976 --> 00:04:51.767 Superintendent ranger. 40 00:04:58.142 --> 00:05:00.475 Chief ranger. 41 00:05:07.267 --> 00:05:08.851 Chief ranger. 42 00:05:12.183 --> 00:05:13.809 Master ranger. 43 00:05:34.100 --> 00:05:38.100 Good morning, 'afternoon, 'evening and good night in the meantime. 44 00:05:38.309 --> 00:05:41.976 Sorry you had to wait, welcome to Camping HIVO, where harmony rules. 45 00:05:42.142 --> 00:05:43.642 How can I help you? 46 00:05:43.767 --> 00:05:45.684 When we wanted to check in, 47 00:05:46.684 --> 00:05:50.183 that was when you could have been of help to us. 48 00:05:50.809 --> 00:05:54.059 But that was fifty-eight hours ago. 49 00:05:55.350 --> 00:06:01.183 I only wanted to check in. -Quiet, daddy, eat some crap. 50 00:06:01.350 --> 00:06:04.892 I hate you so much, 51 00:06:05.059 --> 00:06:07.475 that I took my middle finger 52 00:06:07.642 --> 00:06:11.976 and had my very own children gnaw it off. 53 00:06:12.309 --> 00:06:16.392 To be able to personally hand it over to you. 54 00:06:16.559 --> 00:06:18.309 How annoying. 55 00:06:18.684 --> 00:06:22.183 I've been working non-stop for three days and I'm the only... 56 00:06:24.809 --> 00:06:28.267 Come children, let's find a quiet spot where daddy can die in peace. 57 00:06:28.434 --> 00:06:30.892 How about some complimentary shower tokens? 58 00:07:29.183 --> 00:07:32.392 Father figure. -My dear boy. 59 00:07:33.434 --> 00:07:37.475 Look, here's your breakfast. 60 00:07:41.309 --> 00:07:44.809 And look what I've found for you. 61 00:07:45.642 --> 00:07:48.225 For whenever you've got a moment to sunbathe. 62 00:07:48.392 --> 00:07:50.018 That's great. 63 00:07:50.183 --> 00:07:53.726 I'm so happy with what you do for me and the camping, 64 00:07:53.892 --> 00:07:57.642 even though we never make a penny out of it. 65 00:08:02.183 --> 00:08:05.267 Look how well the camping is maintained, 66 00:08:06.100 --> 00:08:08.934 and plot 588 is looking pretty good too. 67 00:08:09.475 --> 00:08:12.475 There'll come a day when all this will be yours. 68 00:08:12.642 --> 00:08:14.475 I'm not getting any younger. 69 00:08:19.934 --> 00:08:23.976 I'm sorry that I'm so little help to you. 70 00:08:25.142 --> 00:08:28.392 A gust of wind and I turn to dust. 71 00:08:29.350 --> 00:08:32.267 Being so kind to me is more than help enough. 72 00:08:32.434 --> 00:08:36.976 It doesn't matter how busy I am as long as I can drink my milk with you. 73 00:08:38.851 --> 00:08:41.767 Sometimes those bloody campers really make me mad. 74 00:08:41.934 --> 00:08:45.434 I do my very best but it never seems to make any difference. 75 00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:51.183 Listen son. Your dedication and your kindness are your greatest strength. 76 00:08:51.350 --> 00:08:55.309 Stay your mild and pleasant self and you'll see, 77 00:08:55.475 --> 00:08:58.976 that there's something good in each and every one of us. 78 00:08:59.851 --> 00:09:01.559 Even in a German. 79 00:09:02.809 --> 00:09:04.559 Preferably a tumour. 80 00:09:06.392 --> 00:09:10.767 But now and again you have to stand up for yourself, 81 00:09:11.059 --> 00:09:13.517 and then say: Enough is enough. -Right. 82 00:09:13.684 --> 00:09:18.183 Stand up for yourself. -Shut up, you old fool. 83 00:09:18.350 --> 00:09:22.183 That's right, my boy. I love you. 84 00:09:23.142 --> 00:09:27.142 Get some sleep, the day's about to begin. 85 00:09:40.183 --> 00:09:41.934 Chief ranger 86 00:09:43.976 --> 00:09:46.059 It's too hot outside. 87 00:09:48.309 --> 00:09:49.976 It's a nice day, isn't it? 88 00:09:51.517 --> 00:09:53.726 It's too nice. 89 00:09:54.851 --> 00:09:57.517 Yeah, sorry, there's nothing I can do about that. 90 00:09:58.267 --> 00:10:01.183 It would be great if you had a swimming pool. 91 00:10:01.350 --> 00:10:04.018 It's not for me, I don't like to swim. 92 00:10:04.183 --> 00:10:06.018 Enough is enough. -But... 93 00:10:06.225 --> 00:10:09.018 Sorry, but in the last three nights I've slept... 94 00:10:09.142 --> 00:10:12.018 Exactly 7 seconds. Let's talk about it another time. 95 00:10:12.183 --> 00:10:16.434 It saysAlways welcome on your doormat, so I'm always welcome, right? 96 00:10:16.600 --> 00:10:18.726 Yes. But at this moment you're not. 97 00:10:18.892 --> 00:10:23.684 No, actually you're either always welcome or never welcome. 98 00:10:23.851 --> 00:10:27.809 Enough. -You can't be not welcome for a moment. 99 00:10:27.976 --> 00:10:32.392 Listen, enough is enough and it's time I stood up for myself, 100 00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:34.475 and I'd like you to leave right now. 101 00:10:36.726 --> 00:10:38.600 But it's still too hot outside. 102 00:10:43.767 --> 00:10:44.892 That better? 103 00:10:48.100 --> 00:10:51.559 Now it's fine in here, but I'd prefer to be outside. 104 00:10:51.726 --> 00:10:54.892 Then go outside. -No, I just said that... 105 00:10:58.892 --> 00:11:00.309 Are you happy now? 106 00:11:02.059 --> 00:11:03.934 I just want to say... 107 00:11:08.684 --> 00:11:11.517 Father figure? Father figure. 108 00:11:13.892 --> 00:11:15.767 Yep, now he's dead. 109 00:11:16.183 --> 00:11:18.475 I did try to warn you. 110 00:11:21.059 --> 00:11:25.767 Ah yes, I was missing these. I'll take them along with me. 111 00:11:25.934 --> 00:11:28.350 Ideal for out there in the hot sun. 112 00:11:41.475 --> 00:11:46.142 Oh father figure, come back please. 113 00:11:46.767 --> 00:11:50.767 My dear boy. -Father figure? 114 00:11:50.934 --> 00:11:54.225 A gust of wind and I turn to dust. 115 00:11:54.392 --> 00:11:57.976 I told you that just a minute ago. 116 00:11:59.309 --> 00:12:03.100 Surely you're not such a bloody idiot as that. 117 00:12:08.475 --> 00:12:11.892 There's those with money, you can count me in. 118 00:12:12.059 --> 00:12:15.267 And if that counts for you, then I'll have your money too. 119 00:12:15.434 --> 00:12:18.559 I'm the exorbitant, the all dolled up, 120 00:12:18.726 --> 00:12:21.684 I don't save money, bitch, I save on expenses. 121 00:12:23.309 --> 00:12:26.225 And I'm sure you know that I don't live like a miser, 122 00:12:26.392 --> 00:12:29.684 you know I like to live well and money flows through my fingers. 123 00:12:30.100 --> 00:12:32.934 I love diamonds and wear made-to measure clothes. 124 00:12:33.059 --> 00:12:37.726 Whoever made these holes through which my money flows, 125 00:12:37.892 --> 00:12:42.350 fill the holes, stop the flow, where it goes, you'll never know... 126 00:12:42.851 --> 00:12:48.809 You saw the last recording from Ronnie Bosboom Senior who died this week. 127 00:12:49.434 --> 00:12:54.809 Noticeable by his absence at the funeral was Ronnie Bosboom Jr., 128 00:12:54.976 --> 00:13:00.559 to be seen here as a child star before he disappeared from public life. 129 00:13:07.100 --> 00:13:10.434 Where Ronnie is at this time is a mystery. 130 00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:13.600 But he's sadly missed by his fans. 131 00:13:14.267 --> 00:13:16.267 And now the other news. 132 00:13:16.434 --> 00:13:21.851 More and more often the TV news is interrupted half way through by... 133 00:13:28.059 --> 00:13:31.642 Good morning, welcome to Camping HIVO where harmony is king. 134 00:13:33.642 --> 00:13:35.559 I have a reservation for Mr and Mrs Tent. 135 00:13:35.726 --> 00:13:36.809 Present. 136 00:13:38.225 --> 00:13:40.892 Norma le Dame? -Present. 137 00:13:41.225 --> 00:13:42.809 Hans de Curve? -Yes. 138 00:13:42.976 --> 00:13:46.517 And I have a plot for the Campers. -Okay, but we have two campers. 139 00:13:46.684 --> 00:13:49.225 There are four Campers. -Four campers? 140 00:13:49.392 --> 00:13:52.851 Yes. One, two and our children are sitting in the sweltering car. 141 00:13:53.018 --> 00:13:56.934 No. For your campers I have... -We are the Campers. 142 00:13:57.100 --> 00:14:01.600 No, for the family Tent I've got two plots for the campers. 143 00:14:01.767 --> 00:14:04.976 Okay, wait a moment. We have a family tent, 144 00:14:05.142 --> 00:14:07.559 which has to be put in front of the Campers. 145 00:14:08.100 --> 00:14:09.684 No, in front of their campers. 146 00:14:09.851 --> 00:14:12.767 Okay, but the family tent doesn't need two plots. 147 00:14:12.934 --> 00:14:15.392 The family Tent certainly needs two plots. 148 00:14:15.559 --> 00:14:17.934 Then I'll take two plots for the family tent. 149 00:14:18.100 --> 00:14:20.434 Fine, but then we'll need another plot. 150 00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:25.392 So, one for the family tent, and two for the family Tent and the campers. 151 00:14:25.559 --> 00:14:27.642 No, just one for the Campers. 152 00:14:27.809 --> 00:14:32.392 No, one extra spot for the family tent to stand in front of the campers. 153 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:36.309 Why do you have to stand in front of us, we're not harming anyone? 154 00:14:36.684 --> 00:14:39.183 We always sit outside in front of the caravan. 155 00:14:39.350 --> 00:14:42.018 For Christ's sake why? -Because we're on holiday. 156 00:14:42.183 --> 00:14:47.600 No, listen. You came with a van and they have their caravan with them. 157 00:14:47.767 --> 00:14:53.018 Excuse me. I also have a reservation under the name of Paul Summerhouse. 158 00:14:53.183 --> 00:14:57.309 Oh, okay. And what did you reserve? 159 00:14:57.517 --> 00:14:59.059 The summer house. 160 00:15:02.350 --> 00:15:03.559 Thank you. 161 00:15:25.225 --> 00:15:27.517 What were you doing in the play pool, Jonas? 162 00:15:27.684 --> 00:15:31.517 I was on a super-secret mission with my robot plane 163 00:15:31.684 --> 00:15:34.851 when we had to dive to Atlantis. -Wow, really? 164 00:15:35.018 --> 00:15:37.684 No moron, I just fell in. 165 00:15:39.475 --> 00:15:41.976 You could have stood up, you're 7 years old. 166 00:15:42.142 --> 00:15:45.183 7 centimetres deep in your mother, matey. 167 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:50.392 Well, it's just nice sitting here chatting with my best friend. 168 00:15:53.809 --> 00:15:57.350 Weren't your parents somewhere around? 169 00:15:58.392 --> 00:16:01.100 Your father goes fishing all day and your mother... 170 00:16:05.642 --> 00:16:09.018 She's being fisted all day long. -Yeah. 171 00:16:10.809 --> 00:16:15.892 So, I suppose that your mother didn't see me saving you? 172 00:16:17.267 --> 00:16:18.434 Pity. 173 00:16:19.059 --> 00:16:20.851 I mean, for you. 174 00:16:21.642 --> 00:16:23.726 I grew up largely without parents, 175 00:16:23.892 --> 00:16:27.684 but if you work hard and stay positive, everything'll turn out fine. 176 00:16:27.851 --> 00:16:32.142 Man, you really are a success. -Ah... thank you. 177 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:35.059 That was sarcastic, little willy. 178 00:16:35.225 --> 00:16:38.100 This fucked up camping's just one big dump. 179 00:16:38.267 --> 00:16:42.350 Yeah, sorry. I was just feeling a bit sad. 180 00:16:43.809 --> 00:16:46.809 I could have done with some help from you, my best friend. 181 00:16:46.976 --> 00:16:50.726 So, you think that I can help you. I'm on holiday, man. 182 00:16:50.892 --> 00:16:55.350 Yes, and no, but if one of the two best friends never has a day off, 183 00:16:55.517 --> 00:16:58.851 because he always has to work on his own, then it can happen... 184 00:16:59.018 --> 00:17:00.684 Maybe I've got a tip for you. 185 00:17:01.183 --> 00:17:02.517 Oh, what sort of tip? 186 00:17:02.684 --> 00:17:05.350 The camping's called HIVO, right? -Yeah. 187 00:17:05.517 --> 00:17:11.684 If you change the H and I to 'fucking' and then the V and the O for 'moron', 188 00:17:11.851 --> 00:17:14.642 it would be Camping Fucking Moron. 189 00:17:19.142 --> 00:17:24.309 Well, what the fuck? Where are those spindly legs off to? 190 00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:31.600 I'm so horribly alone 191 00:17:31.767 --> 00:17:34.517 yet nobody seems to realise 192 00:17:34.684 --> 00:17:37.726 that I've been left behind. 193 00:17:38.392 --> 00:17:41.976 Where is everybody? 194 00:17:43.059 --> 00:17:49.684 I'm so all alone, I have no friends... 195 00:17:57.559 --> 00:17:59.434 Can't someone turn that off? 196 00:19:01.100 --> 00:19:04.309 Where is our singing friend? 197 00:19:11.183 --> 00:19:12.934 Where is Ronnie? 198 00:19:30.142 --> 00:19:34.809 Where is Ronnie Bosboom Jr.? 199 00:19:35.183 --> 00:19:37.059 Doesn't work on a beating heart... 200 00:19:38.100 --> 00:19:40.350 Oh, how stupid of me. 201 00:19:40.517 --> 00:19:43.059 They have been developed in such a way that... 202 00:19:47.767 --> 00:19:49.767 That... -See you in a minute. 203 00:19:55.684 --> 00:19:58.517 Welcome back. Want another ride? 204 00:20:17.809 --> 00:20:20.309 Find him. 205 00:20:21.434 --> 00:20:23.309 Shit. How does it go? 206 00:20:23.475 --> 00:20:26.600 And that's how I got this sword in my body. 207 00:20:26.767 --> 00:20:29.809 God almighty, man. -Incredible. 208 00:20:31.018 --> 00:20:34.309 And I can't pull it out, otherwise I'd lose an awful lot of blood. 209 00:20:34.475 --> 00:20:37.600 And then I'd be dead within a half an hour. 210 00:20:37.892 --> 00:20:41.225 The downside is I can't take a plane, so I go camping. 211 00:20:41.392 --> 00:20:43.309 But for the rest I can do anything. 212 00:20:43.475 --> 00:20:45.225 Right, so you have a job? 213 00:20:45.392 --> 00:20:48.350 No, that didn't work. -What about a relationship? 214 00:20:49.183 --> 00:20:52.100 Well, it was a bit of a turn off for her. -Sports? 215 00:20:53.475 --> 00:20:54.851 No. -Sleeping? 216 00:20:55.100 --> 00:20:56.976 Hardly. -And good food? 217 00:20:58.976 --> 00:21:01.767 I see you have a daughter, tell me about her. 218 00:21:01.934 --> 00:21:07.183 Yes, that's our Kylie, lovely girl. She's had a rather difficult year. 219 00:21:07.350 --> 00:21:08.392 Difficult? 220 00:21:09.892 --> 00:21:13.767 Meanwhile she's eating again. She's put on 30 kilos. 221 00:21:15.142 --> 00:21:18.726 You're a beautiful girl, darling, spitting image of your mother. 222 00:21:30.350 --> 00:21:33.600 HELP NEEDED. I'M DESPERATE. I'M SO ALONE. FREE LODGINGS. 223 00:21:58.100 --> 00:21:59.225 I'm your man. 224 00:22:02.100 --> 00:22:06.142 I swear I know you from somewhere. -Wouldn't know from where. 225 00:22:06.309 --> 00:22:09.684 So it's written with an 'fw' at the end. Your name is Bertolfw? 226 00:22:09.851 --> 00:22:12.684 Yes, I'm probably the only one, so... 227 00:22:12.851 --> 00:22:16.225 But you have been here before, and you must be the Bertolfw 228 00:22:16.392 --> 00:22:18.726 who was my best friend some thirteen years ago. 229 00:22:18.892 --> 00:22:21.642 No, that must be someone else. -Another Bertolfw? 230 00:22:21.809 --> 00:22:24.559 I repaired your knot and we became best of friends. 231 00:22:24.726 --> 00:22:26.559 No, no. -Then which Bertolfw...? 232 00:22:26.684 --> 00:22:28.517 No really, you don't know me. 233 00:22:28.684 --> 00:22:33.225 In fact it's Bertolfw with actually three 'h's. 234 00:22:33.934 --> 00:22:36.726 Berthhholfw? You can walk again? 235 00:22:36.892 --> 00:22:39.225 No, not him. I've never been here before. 236 00:22:39.392 --> 00:22:44.642 Strange. Anyway, who cares, it's just great that you've come to help me. 237 00:22:44.809 --> 00:22:48.851 I've been through this incredibly hard and lonely period. 238 00:22:49.517 --> 00:22:51.809 You realise I can't pay you. -Snap. 239 00:22:54.100 --> 00:22:56.183 As long as I've got a roof over my head. 240 00:22:56.350 --> 00:23:00.225 I'll take that nice spot over there. -No can do, it's reserved. 241 00:23:00.392 --> 00:23:04.350 I've got a caravan for you, Berthhholfw. Come on, I'll show you around. 242 00:23:04.517 --> 00:23:06.100 There's your caravan. 243 00:23:15.809 --> 00:23:19.767 There's room at the showers. 244 00:23:25.142 --> 00:23:28.183 Forget it, it's already busy again. 245 00:23:29.434 --> 00:23:34.475 What an incredibly fucked up camping. 246 00:23:39.183 --> 00:23:40.934 And this is the playground. 247 00:23:41.100 --> 00:23:46.059 I work here harder than you're probably used to, always 26-hour days, 248 00:23:46.225 --> 00:23:49.767 but your first job of the day is to straighten this bent tent pin, 249 00:23:49.934 --> 00:23:52.350 and more responsibilities will follow. 250 00:23:52.726 --> 00:23:55.809 Do you hear that? Duty calls. Come along Berthhholfw. 251 00:24:12.392 --> 00:24:14.809 If a bell rings, you know it's time for action. 252 00:24:14.976 --> 00:24:17.100 It's a fun way to get my attention. 253 00:24:17.267 --> 00:24:21.559 People get a little annoyed but I stay smiling because everyone's on holiday. 254 00:24:21.726 --> 00:24:24.809 Hello, welcome to Camping HIVO, how can I help you? 255 00:24:45.392 --> 00:24:46.892 Chief ranger? 256 00:25:09.642 --> 00:25:13.350 Did you think that I wouldn't find you, Ronnie? 257 00:25:34.183 --> 00:25:36.225 Where is the record, mate? 258 00:25:37.642 --> 00:25:38.767 The record? 259 00:25:41.600 --> 00:25:46.642 Where is the record? 260 00:25:54.059 --> 00:25:57.309 The record your dead father promised me. 261 00:25:57.475 --> 00:26:01.183 Is my father dead? Gosh. 262 00:26:10.600 --> 00:26:14.851 You will bring me to the record. 263 00:26:15.018 --> 00:26:19.100 And if you take me somewhere where the record isn't, 264 00:26:19.267 --> 00:26:21.059 then I'll tie you up, 265 00:26:21.434 --> 00:26:23.018 then I'll go into the camping, 266 00:26:24.267 --> 00:26:27.059 and then I'll fuck a child. 267 00:26:28.059 --> 00:26:30.600 What? -And if you try to escape again, 268 00:26:31.851 --> 00:26:36.475 I'll search for you, I'll find you, and then I'll fuck a child. 269 00:26:37.434 --> 00:26:41.475 And if you try to be clever and try to warn the police, 270 00:26:43.851 --> 00:26:47.600 then I'll fuck another child. Is that clear? 271 00:26:49.600 --> 00:26:53.809 Time to roll up your sleeves, friend. 272 00:27:27.475 --> 00:27:30.600 What have you done? -Well, he hit me. 273 00:27:30.767 --> 00:27:32.309 Who is he? 274 00:27:39.100 --> 00:27:42.517 Who are you? What's all this about a record? 275 00:27:54.434 --> 00:27:58.267 Ronnie Bosboom Jr., you're here... 276 00:27:58.434 --> 00:28:01.559 in good old camping HIVO, how is that possible? 277 00:28:01.726 --> 00:28:03.892 Be quiet, someone's bound to hear you. 278 00:28:04.059 --> 00:28:07.392 Yeah, but you're Ronnie Bosboom, all those great songs... 279 00:28:07.559 --> 00:28:11.309 like 'The show must go on'... This is too much. Ronnie Bosboom Jr.. 280 00:28:11.475 --> 00:28:15.475 Here in my camping. And a body. We have to call the police. 281 00:28:15.642 --> 00:28:19.142 But then he'll fuck a child... no, he's dead... we have to call the police. 282 00:28:19.309 --> 00:28:21.809 No, you don't have to at all. -Why not? 283 00:28:21.976 --> 00:28:24.809 Because he died here and we're the only suspects. 284 00:28:24.976 --> 00:28:28.851 As soon as they find a body they'll close your... 285 00:28:29.018 --> 00:28:33.018 ...magnificent camping and we'll both go to prison. 286 00:28:33.183 --> 00:28:37.642 Me too? -Yes, you gave me the murder weapon. 287 00:28:37.809 --> 00:28:39.892 That is possibly even worse. 288 00:28:41.059 --> 00:28:43.309 Anyway, my father always said: 289 00:28:43.475 --> 00:28:46.475 There are no beatings as long as you don't tell anyone. 290 00:28:46.642 --> 00:28:48.475 You've done this before? 291 00:28:48.642 --> 00:28:52.976 I've had 7 psychoses, 8 serious depressions, 292 00:28:54.018 --> 00:28:57.475 4 attempted suicides and all before I was twelve. 293 00:29:01.976 --> 00:29:04.726 But no, I've never killed someone. 294 00:29:21.183 --> 00:29:22.684 Got you. 295 00:29:24.018 --> 00:29:30.559 The Goldstein's are at the neighbour's, hiding in the crawl space, Oberführer. 296 00:29:31.809 --> 00:29:32.892 Alzheimer. 297 00:29:33.059 --> 00:29:37.350 Do I get my food coupons now? 298 00:29:39.434 --> 00:29:41.976 I told you, the place is crawling with krauts. 299 00:29:45.600 --> 00:29:50.100 No, no, get out, now. Go back down. 300 00:29:52.059 --> 00:29:55.225 They're not welcome at the beach so they're headed inland. 301 00:29:55.392 --> 00:29:59.225 If they carry on like that, they'll find themselves back in Germany. 302 00:30:00.183 --> 00:30:02.892 So, what are you waiting for? 303 00:30:06.183 --> 00:30:11.934 It just seems so incredible... Ronnie Bosboom on my camping. 304 00:30:12.350 --> 00:30:17.559 When I tell them about this tomorrow... -No, you can't tell anyone I'm here. 305 00:30:18.142 --> 00:30:20.267 But of course I have to. 306 00:30:20.434 --> 00:30:25.059 When I tell them you're here they'll be so happy and even maybe nice to me... 307 00:30:25.225 --> 00:30:28.684 Listen. I do so want to live a normal life. 308 00:30:29.392 --> 00:30:32.267 You have to promise me that you'll tell no one, okay? 309 00:30:33.600 --> 00:30:36.767 Okay. I promise to tell it to someone. 310 00:30:37.350 --> 00:30:39.892 You said 'someone', didn't you? -Yeah, sorry. 311 00:30:41.892 --> 00:30:46.018 Okay. I promise that I will tell it to no one. 312 00:30:54.642 --> 00:30:56.559 Sand over him, a tent on top... 313 00:30:56.726 --> 00:30:57.934 Hi girls. 314 00:30:59.350 --> 00:31:00.434 Jonas. 315 00:31:01.559 --> 00:31:05.059 No, don't look in, don't look in. Look over there... 316 00:31:07.267 --> 00:31:10.976 Ronnie Bosboom Jr. 317 00:31:17.392 --> 00:31:20.934 But you mustn't tell anyone that you've seen him, okay? 318 00:31:21.642 --> 00:31:26.142 Go to bed Jonas, and say hello to your mother from me. 319 00:31:30.726 --> 00:31:33.392 Thanks very much. He'll go and tell on me. 320 00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:38.018 No, he's my best friend. We never tell on one another. 321 00:31:57.183 --> 00:32:00.475 Have fun on your first day at work. 322 00:32:19.350 --> 00:32:23.018 Dear campers, leave the money in the saucer. I trust you. 323 00:33:34.183 --> 00:33:36.559 It's really him. 324 00:33:44.892 --> 00:33:47.059 Sing. Sing. Sing. 325 00:33:47.976 --> 00:33:52.851 That's right, spray my white child's body clean, coolie. 326 00:33:55.018 --> 00:33:57.100 Busy at the showers again? 327 00:33:57.267 --> 00:34:01.434 Thanks for not giving away our secret. That means we're really best friends. 328 00:34:02.392 --> 00:34:06.434 Maybe we can be bosom friends. The difference is best friends and bosom... 329 00:34:06.600 --> 00:34:10.892 Of course I passed it on, I'm only seven, you stupid nutter. 330 00:34:31.434 --> 00:34:32.809 Hi, Ronnie Bosboom Jr.. 331 00:34:34.434 --> 00:34:38.726 I told you not to tell anyone. I just want to lead a normal life. 332 00:34:38.892 --> 00:34:42.642 Me too. Give'em a song, they'll calm down, life will return to normal. 333 00:34:42.809 --> 00:34:45.267 You have no idea what this will stir up. 334 00:34:45.434 --> 00:34:48.600 Ronnie, just think of any old song. -I don't want to sing. 335 00:34:48.767 --> 00:34:53.642 I don't want to sing, not any more. A golden oldie, but... 336 00:34:53.809 --> 00:34:54.600 Stop. 337 00:34:54.767 --> 00:34:57.350 Stop, don't make go back on stage . I like that one. 338 00:34:57.517 --> 00:34:59.642 I'd rather die than have to sing. 339 00:35:00.350 --> 00:35:04.142 I don't know that one. Is it a new one? Great, can't wait to tell them. 340 00:35:04.309 --> 00:35:08.851 No, no, no. I don't want this. 341 00:35:12.684 --> 00:35:14.892 Okay, you're not going to sing. 342 00:35:19.183 --> 00:35:20.559 Hello, folks. 343 00:35:21.350 --> 00:35:23.018 Is Ronnie going to sing for us? 344 00:35:23.183 --> 00:35:25.976 Unfortunately Ronnie isn't going to sing. 345 00:35:26.142 --> 00:35:30.851 He's working here at the camping, there's a lot to do, and as his boss... 346 00:35:44.642 --> 00:35:46.600 Stop it... you didn't let me finish. 347 00:35:46.767 --> 00:35:49.726 Sadly, Ronnie's not going to sing now... 348 00:35:54.434 --> 00:35:59.809 ...Until you've done all the odd jobs here at the camping. 349 00:35:59.976 --> 00:36:03.059 Then you'll see him again this evening, at Bingo. 350 00:36:12.934 --> 00:36:20.434 I never enjoyed a single song I sang, I was forced to sing by a terrible man, 351 00:36:20.600 --> 00:36:28.517 I'm just a child, I'm only just eleven, perhaps my reward will be in heaven. 352 00:36:28.892 --> 00:36:36.392 It all seems like child's play to you, it's just a child singing, that's true, 353 00:36:36.559 --> 00:36:44.225 you never listen you don't see it's wrong, this is a shout for help not a silly song. 354 00:36:44.392 --> 00:36:52.350 This is my cry of pain on an LP, so it's not a singalong you see, 355 00:36:53.059 --> 00:37:00.309 Help, help, help, someone help me now, I can't stand this life any longer, 356 00:37:00.475 --> 00:37:08.475 help, help, help I can't carry on, I die a little every time I sing a song. 357 00:37:19.475 --> 00:37:25.018 FILLED TO OVERFLOWING! THIS CAMPING'S REALLY GETTING POPULAR! 358 00:37:25.475 --> 00:37:30.934 And while the burning sun shone through the blindfold on my battered face, 359 00:37:31.100 --> 00:37:34.350 my arms bound behind my back, 360 00:37:34.517 --> 00:37:38.976 and a dirty rag stuffed in my mouth, dry as tinder, 361 00:37:39.142 --> 00:37:41.767 my desperate cries for help were stifled 362 00:37:41.934 --> 00:37:46.392 in the cheering of the bearded enemy soldiers surrounding me. 363 00:37:47.892 --> 00:37:51.267 Suddenly, I felt my uniform trousers wrenched down, 364 00:37:51.434 --> 00:37:55.350 and while he forced himself into me 365 00:37:55.517 --> 00:38:01.517 and thrust ever harder and deeper into me. 366 00:38:01.684 --> 00:38:06.934 I became ever lonelier at every thrust. 367 00:38:07.267 --> 00:38:11.475 However much he disgusted me with what he was doing to me, 368 00:38:12.267 --> 00:38:18.600 I couldn't help but feel my muscles contracting and... 369 00:38:19.642 --> 00:38:24.225 in an explosion of emotion, 370 00:38:25.642 --> 00:38:28.059 I reached the dizzy heights... 371 00:38:30.183 --> 00:38:31.934 of an orgasm. 372 00:38:34.434 --> 00:38:37.100 But, why are you telling us this? 373 00:38:37.559 --> 00:38:42.809 Well, because you just said the first time you came was while you were at work, 374 00:38:42.976 --> 00:38:46.600 and that was the only time I came while I was at work. 375 00:38:49.475 --> 00:38:51.142 With what I was doing... 376 00:38:52.350 --> 00:38:57.059 No, I said that I finally came to the end of what I was doing. 377 00:39:00.600 --> 00:39:02.018 Damn. 378 00:39:33.309 --> 00:39:37.434 Hey Ronnie, you haven't actually done a stroke of work all day, 379 00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:39.934 so you have to do something for me, right? 380 00:39:40.350 --> 00:39:42.642 We've got Bingo and it might be nice 381 00:39:42.809 --> 00:39:46.809 if you used your vocal chords in a musical manner? 382 00:39:47.100 --> 00:39:51.976 Saying your words or sounds in different keys, what do you think? 383 00:39:52.142 --> 00:39:55.309 Using one of your melodies? -You want me to sing. 384 00:39:55.475 --> 00:39:59.767 That would be fine too. I did promise everyone... 385 00:39:59.934 --> 00:40:02.892 You promised them a Ronnie Bosboom Jr. show? 386 00:40:03.475 --> 00:40:06.851 You don't realise what my presence does to people, do you? 387 00:40:37.309 --> 00:40:39.809 Mr Innkeeper? -Yes? 388 00:40:39.976 --> 00:40:43.142 Have you perhaps room in your inn? 389 00:40:43.309 --> 00:40:47.434 This is a camping sir, and alas, we are completely full. 390 00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:50.934 Oh, mister innkeeper, it's already very late, 391 00:40:51.100 --> 00:40:54.350 we are worn out from our journey. 392 00:40:54.934 --> 00:40:57.183 My wife is namely heavy with child. 393 00:40:57.892 --> 00:40:59.018 Oh, that's gross. 394 00:40:59.183 --> 00:41:03.309 Don't you have anywhere, however small, for us? 395 00:41:07.976 --> 00:41:10.475 Sand over him, tent on top... 396 00:41:42.934 --> 00:41:46.809 Oh God, there's no way out. 397 00:42:23.267 --> 00:42:24.934 A12. 398 00:42:28.684 --> 00:42:31.684 K3. -Heil Hitler. 399 00:42:34.642 --> 00:42:38.642 No one has K3. Tension mounts. Well, let's carry on. 400 00:42:42.726 --> 00:42:47.225 I've got C1000. -I need F16. 401 00:42:49.892 --> 00:42:51.183 F16. 402 00:42:55.100 --> 00:42:56.600 F16? 403 00:42:58.684 --> 00:43:01.600 Bingo. -Someone has Bingo. 404 00:43:03.684 --> 00:43:07.726 And terminally ill Jip also has Bingo, but Mrs Campers was first, 405 00:43:07.892 --> 00:43:10.767 and can choose a prize from the table. 406 00:43:11.475 --> 00:43:14.142 We have the choice between two splendid prizes. 407 00:43:14.309 --> 00:43:17.434 Namely, a pot of extra strong tobacco, 408 00:43:17.600 --> 00:43:21.684 or the only cure for pusgargling choking typhus. 409 00:43:23.100 --> 00:43:24.475 Well, I'll take this one. 410 00:43:25.684 --> 00:43:30.267 So, terminally ill Jip, that leaves you with the pot of extra strong tobacco. 411 00:43:30.684 --> 00:43:33.183 Where's Ronnie, you waste of space? 412 00:43:33.350 --> 00:43:36.851 Okay, we've come to the 14th bonus card. 413 00:43:37.018 --> 00:43:41.142 We're still playing for this wonderful wireless whistling kettle... 414 00:43:46.309 --> 00:43:51.600 And we've got B100. -Bingo. 415 00:43:52.892 --> 00:43:53.976 Ronnie? 416 00:44:20.059 --> 00:44:24.559 Where are Ronnie and the Man with the Raven? 417 00:44:24.726 --> 00:44:29.392 He hasn't got a bingo at all. Then you'll have to sing a song. 418 00:44:29.559 --> 00:44:32.851 Sing. Sing. Sing. 419 00:44:50.767 --> 00:44:53.475 If you cheat at bingo, you have to sing. 420 00:44:53.642 --> 00:44:59.434 Rules are rules, damn it. -Sing. Sing. Sing. 421 00:45:17.434 --> 00:45:19.183 Ronnie? 422 00:45:22.684 --> 00:45:24.267 That's where he is. 423 00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:26.892 Over there. 424 00:46:05.183 --> 00:46:10.559 Why did you have to shout bloody bingo? 425 00:46:10.934 --> 00:46:14.350 You know that you had to sing a song. 426 00:46:35.142 --> 00:46:38.600 Hey, where is Ronnie? 427 00:46:41.934 --> 00:46:44.018 What were you doing in the caravan? 428 00:46:44.726 --> 00:46:46.559 I was looking for Ronnie. 429 00:46:49.559 --> 00:46:52.684 Where is Ronnie? -I don't know. 430 00:46:52.851 --> 00:46:57.350 Is he with the Man with the Raven? 431 00:46:59.142 --> 00:47:01.684 I've never seen him, so I don't know. 432 00:47:03.809 --> 00:47:07.100 That's strange, because the Man with the Raven 433 00:47:07.934 --> 00:47:11.018 sent me three photos yesterday saying he was here. 434 00:47:11.183 --> 00:47:13.434 Where are they? -I don't know. 435 00:47:13.600 --> 00:47:17.018 Have some shower tokens, compliments of the camping. 436 00:47:17.517 --> 00:47:22.809 Your camping is surrounded by a raving gang of Ronnie fans. 437 00:47:22.976 --> 00:47:28.767 And they have assured me no one left the camp site in the last 24 hours. 438 00:47:28.934 --> 00:47:33.851 So Ronnie, and the Man with the Raven, are still here on this site. 439 00:47:34.018 --> 00:47:37.183 And you are going to help me find them, right? 440 00:47:38.059 --> 00:47:41.934 And because I don't like the way you tried to deceive me, 441 00:47:42.100 --> 00:47:45.892 I will now take my revenge... on the violinist. 442 00:47:48.018 --> 00:47:49.183 What? 443 00:47:56.183 --> 00:47:57.684 Why are you doing that? 444 00:47:57.851 --> 00:48:03.059 My violin was all that I had. Well, excepting my dog of course. 445 00:48:18.600 --> 00:48:20.642 I'm going to look for them now. 446 00:48:21.018 --> 00:48:26.434 If I haven't found them in an hour, I'll feed you to my vulture. 447 00:48:40.684 --> 00:48:43.018 Ronnie, will you please come and help me? 448 00:48:45.350 --> 00:48:46.517 Ronnie? 449 00:49:05.475 --> 00:49:06.934 I'm not going to sing. 450 00:49:07.100 --> 00:49:09.726 A creepy guy's looking for the Man with the Raven. 451 00:49:09.892 --> 00:49:11.475 You betrayed me, piss off. 452 00:49:11.642 --> 00:49:15.934 I promise to help you lead a normal life, but first let's deal with this guy. 453 00:49:18.018 --> 00:49:20.434 Ronnie, you've got to get up. 454 00:49:32.517 --> 00:49:33.642 What's this? 455 00:49:33.809 --> 00:49:36.559 It's a teddy bear to cuddle and play with. Let's go. 456 00:49:36.726 --> 00:49:39.517 To cuddle? Play with? 457 00:49:39.684 --> 00:49:41.934 That's right. Never done that? 458 00:49:45.851 --> 00:49:47.225 Have a look through this. 459 00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:55.267 Wow, I never knew that something so beautiful ever existed. 460 00:49:55.434 --> 00:50:00.392 There's so much beauty in the world, especially when you can share it. 461 00:50:01.183 --> 00:50:06.142 I don't want you to give up. I want to be your friend and show you the world. 462 00:50:06.309 --> 00:50:10.642 But that'll only work if you help me, because the Man with the Vulture's coming. 463 00:50:10.851 --> 00:50:12.726 The body under the tent has to go. 464 00:50:12.976 --> 00:50:15.267 Just try to relax, Ria. 465 00:50:16.392 --> 00:50:17.517 Sorry. 466 00:50:17.642 --> 00:50:20.059 Yes, sorry for that, didn't hear you. 467 00:50:20.225 --> 00:50:23.976 We're just oiling Ria's anal cleft. 468 00:50:24.142 --> 00:50:26.225 It could tear during the delivery. 469 00:50:26.475 --> 00:50:29.559 You have to leave this spot. You can sleep in the stable. 470 00:50:29.726 --> 00:50:35.434 Okay, but wait until my erection's gone. I'm a man after all. 471 00:50:35.726 --> 00:50:39.684 Well, what I always do is I think of an old, naked grandmother. 472 00:50:42.267 --> 00:50:45.767 Oh yes, I'm in heaven... that works. 473 00:50:53.976 --> 00:50:57.350 Where is Ronnie? 474 00:50:59.267 --> 00:51:01.684 Where is the Man with the Raven? 475 00:51:10.976 --> 00:51:12.392 Coast clear? -Yes. 476 00:51:12.559 --> 00:51:15.600 I've nearly finished, then we'll drag him to the wood, 477 00:51:15.767 --> 00:51:19.059 cut down a tree, let it fall on him, it'll look like an accident. 478 00:51:19.225 --> 00:51:21.018 Are you keeping watch? -What? 479 00:51:31.059 --> 00:51:32.976 Oh shit, the Man with the Vulture. 480 00:52:10.934 --> 00:52:13.018 Hi, Ronnie. 481 00:52:19.392 --> 00:52:21.559 No one touches my best friend. 482 00:52:21.726 --> 00:52:23.892 I thought you didn't know where Ronnie was? 483 00:52:35.434 --> 00:52:37.475 Ronnie, help me. 484 00:53:16.809 --> 00:53:18.517 Why didn't you do anything? 485 00:53:23.976 --> 00:53:26.309 I thought we were best friends? 486 00:53:43.350 --> 00:53:47.267 We all know that you're going for a shit. 487 00:53:54.642 --> 00:53:59.934 Well sing, you stupid wanker. You are ours. 488 00:54:01.934 --> 00:54:06.142 You have no idea what it would mean for us if you were to sing. 489 00:54:07.559 --> 00:54:09.726 I don't believe in you anymore. 490 00:54:21.434 --> 00:54:25.309 Good morning. Sleep well? 491 00:54:28.100 --> 00:54:31.642 No, me neither. Last night I kept having 492 00:54:32.018 --> 00:54:36.225 this strange itching feeling under my skin. 493 00:54:36.392 --> 00:54:38.225 That's a guilty conscience, Ronnie. 494 00:54:40.934 --> 00:54:45.642 You look a bit off colour, why not take a day off? 495 00:54:49.851 --> 00:54:54.267 I can't, because I'm the only one that does anything around here, Ronnie. 496 00:54:54.434 --> 00:54:57.142 You've got no idea what hard work is. 497 00:54:57.309 --> 00:55:00.684 I've had to take care of myself, you and this great camping. 498 00:55:00.851 --> 00:55:02.183 Great camping? 499 00:55:02.350 --> 00:55:04.892 Yes, and now the plants need watering, twerp. 500 00:55:12.267 --> 00:55:15.851 You're not going to make amends by doing one small job. 501 00:55:18.100 --> 00:55:19.183 Ronnie? 502 00:55:20.142 --> 00:55:21.892 Why are you watering the plant? 503 00:55:23.767 --> 00:55:27.475 Yes, why am I watering the plant? 504 00:55:32.475 --> 00:55:34.267 Will you fix the lamp? 505 00:55:35.350 --> 00:55:36.517 No. 506 00:55:47.809 --> 00:55:51.018 Time to roll up your sleeves. 507 00:55:53.767 --> 00:55:55.225 Ronnie, you've got to get up. 508 00:55:55.642 --> 00:55:56.809 Earn some money. 509 00:55:56.934 --> 00:56:02.350 Of course, I only do what I have to do when someone slaps me. 510 00:56:02.517 --> 00:56:05.267 Ladies and gentlemen, viewers at home. 511 00:56:05.434 --> 00:56:10.183 Thank you for joining me for an evening of celebration in the life of a young star 512 00:56:10.350 --> 00:56:16.267 who has given us so much and doubtless will continue to amaze us with his talent. 513 00:56:16.434 --> 00:56:19.892 Please give a warm welcome to Ronnie Bosboom Jr. 514 00:56:26.892 --> 00:56:31.142 My next guest who will be awarding Ronnie his prize, 515 00:56:31.309 --> 00:56:32.767 is also very special. 516 00:56:32.934 --> 00:56:36.934 Born in Israel, already at a young age he had a multitude of fans. 517 00:56:37.100 --> 00:56:41.726 He died for our sins, yet a few days later he rose from the dead, 518 00:56:41.892 --> 00:56:45.183 Please give a warm welcome to Jesus of Nazareth. 519 00:57:00.100 --> 00:57:05.018 Oh wow, is it really Jesus? Wow, yeah, yeah, it really is. 520 00:57:05.183 --> 00:57:08.934 Hey Jesus, how come you didn't return earlier? 521 00:57:09.100 --> 00:57:11.559 I haven't been away that long. 522 00:57:11.726 --> 00:57:13.142 Two thousand years. 523 00:57:13.309 --> 00:57:17.517 I simply spent two thousand years having a great piss up. 524 00:57:18.350 --> 00:57:22.892 Actually Ronnie, we love to sing along to your music up there in heaven. 525 00:57:23.059 --> 00:57:28.600 This morning Father woke me to come here and award you a Diamond Record 526 00:57:28.767 --> 00:57:33.018 for your fantastic album, "I only sing for the money". 527 00:57:33.183 --> 00:57:35.100 Here you are. 528 00:57:38.309 --> 00:57:39.559 Smile, you bugger. 529 00:57:44.225 --> 00:57:50.018 People, I'm off now. The Bible is still on sale everywhere. Keep the party clean. 530 00:57:50.183 --> 00:57:55.642 Jesus, if you died for our sins, how come you're back among us, eh? 531 00:57:55.809 --> 00:57:59.267 You didn't really die, did you, eh? -Patsa. 532 00:58:01.767 --> 00:58:04.600 I can't feel my legs anymore. -Shut up. 533 00:58:04.767 --> 00:58:08.600 Daddy, surely I've achieved everything by now? 534 00:58:08.809 --> 00:58:11.809 Can I stop performing now? 535 00:58:15.934 --> 00:58:21.434 That day I lost the last scrap of motivation that I still had in my body. 536 00:58:21.600 --> 00:58:25.100 I always had to be pushed onto the stage, 537 00:58:25.267 --> 00:58:29.600 but from that day on my father had to slap me to get me on stage. 538 00:58:31.018 --> 00:58:34.892 To get me into the studio too, as well as to get me out of bed. 539 00:58:35.100 --> 00:58:38.225 It got worse by the day for five years. 540 00:58:38.934 --> 00:58:42.350 Until the day my voice broke, 541 00:58:42.517 --> 00:58:47.142 and I came home that evening to an empty house. 542 00:58:48.392 --> 00:58:50.309 I never saw my father again, 543 00:58:50.475 --> 00:58:53.517 and so never got slapped again, 544 00:58:53.684 --> 00:58:56.976 and so I never, ever did anything again. 545 00:58:58.600 --> 00:59:01.018 So that's why you stabbed the Man with the Raven, 546 00:59:01.892 --> 00:59:04.434 and didn't help me yesterday? -Apparently. 547 00:59:04.600 --> 00:59:08.684 So I am your best friend. What about the record? 548 00:59:09.809 --> 00:59:12.851 One evening I swallowed 2,000 milligrams Superzepam 549 00:59:13.018 --> 00:59:16.350 and flogged the record for a bag of sweets and a fizzy drink, 550 00:59:16.517 --> 00:59:20.392 and withdrew from the world for fifteen years in a clinic. 551 00:59:23.100 --> 00:59:24.851 That's quite a story... 552 00:59:26.684 --> 00:59:28.892 I've got one too. 553 00:59:29.309 --> 00:59:34.183 You're probably already wondering what I find so special about plot 588. 554 00:59:35.934 --> 00:59:38.392 I remember it as if it was yesterday. 555 00:59:38.559 --> 00:59:43.018 It was summer, I was five, and I was with my parents here at the camping. 556 00:59:43.183 --> 00:59:48.142 My father said: Go and get yourself a delicious Calippo ice lolly, son. 557 00:59:48.309 --> 00:59:51.726 Sorry, it's not the right moment, it's too soon after my story. 558 00:59:51.892 --> 00:59:53.684 Okay, another time then. 559 00:59:57.809 --> 01:00:01.267 And that empty plot is no longer an empty plot. 560 01:00:10.059 --> 01:00:14.726 Man with the Vulture, I've been holding this plot for more than 20 years, and... 561 01:00:16.142 --> 01:00:20.100 Sorry that I left without saying goodbye yesterday. Sorry. 562 01:00:20.267 --> 01:00:22.809 But while I was strangling you yesterday evening, 563 01:00:22.976 --> 01:00:25.726 I got a message from the Man with the Raven. 564 01:00:26.600 --> 01:00:28.600 Me and the Man with the Raven 565 01:00:29.018 --> 01:00:34.059 were to go to France and run a Bed and Breakfast together. 566 01:00:34.475 --> 01:00:39.059 Just the two of us, happy, leaving everything behind us. 567 01:00:41.018 --> 01:00:42.934 He sent me this message: 568 01:00:43.976 --> 01:00:47.934 Hey bitch, I'm at the camping, 569 01:00:48.100 --> 01:00:51.225 I'm going to threaten Ronnie, wish me luck. 570 01:00:51.392 --> 01:00:56.642 I didn't hear anything for a few days, and then I received this: 571 01:00:57.183 --> 01:00:59.434 I'm leaving, I've got the record. 572 01:01:00.100 --> 01:01:03.726 I sent that. -Seven years, all thrown away. 573 01:01:03.892 --> 01:01:07.475 And why? For a Diamond Record. 574 01:01:11.309 --> 01:01:16.976 We also saw your vulture fly away, so... -My Jack? 575 01:01:17.142 --> 01:01:19.809 Yes, so I guess you can go home. 576 01:01:22.809 --> 01:01:24.183 I'm alone. 577 01:01:24.350 --> 01:01:29.767 Don't worry, you are a good-looking guy, husky, sensitive, so... 578 01:01:30.600 --> 01:01:31.892 Think so? 579 01:01:32.517 --> 01:01:37.726 Yeah, there's bound to be another man around for you somewhere. 580 01:01:38.059 --> 01:01:42.642 Yeah, right... I abused that soldier yesterday evening, 581 01:01:42.809 --> 01:01:47.434 but he came a bit too quickly but maybe he'll do fine as a rebound. 582 01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:51.309 No, you shouldn't do that, it's all still a bit too fresh. 583 01:01:51.475 --> 01:01:55.434 Take all the time you need. -And distance yourself. 584 01:01:55.600 --> 01:01:57.934 Yeah, you're quite right. 585 01:01:58.892 --> 01:02:01.434 I'm loathsome. I'm going home. 586 01:02:10.726 --> 01:02:12.183 Have a nice holiday. 587 01:02:27.059 --> 01:02:30.309 I can give you some complimentary shower tokens. 588 01:02:35.059 --> 01:02:37.018 SHOWERS 589 01:02:53.434 --> 01:02:56.225 Hold on tightly... best friend. 590 01:03:05.183 --> 01:03:07.142 Stop, stop. 591 01:03:08.517 --> 01:03:10.892 I've got this queasy feeling in my stomach. 592 01:03:12.142 --> 01:03:14.684 Stop, stop, stop. I gotta get off. 593 01:03:14.851 --> 01:03:17.767 That was great. Can we go on the cable-lift now? 594 01:03:17.934 --> 01:03:21.726 No, it's broken. Some fatso must have fallen through it. 595 01:03:27.600 --> 01:03:30.642 Now that's what I call a beautiful woman. 596 01:03:47.059 --> 01:03:49.600 Are we really ready for this, Jos? 597 01:03:49.767 --> 01:03:53.434 Of course Ria, we've been waiting for this for sixty years. 598 01:03:54.642 --> 01:04:00.475 But suddenly it's gone so incredibly fast, though it's actually very exciting. 599 01:04:00.642 --> 01:04:03.809 You've got to cling on to all the wonderful things 600 01:04:03.976 --> 01:04:07.142 that with a bit of luck we might be part of. 601 01:04:08.059 --> 01:04:13.267 Maybe I'll still be alive when his baby teeth come through. 602 01:04:13.434 --> 01:04:19.434 Of course, and just imagine that we recognise him when he recognises us. 603 01:04:20.934 --> 01:04:25.225 As long as we're there for him until he can stand on his own two feet, 604 01:04:25.392 --> 01:04:26.892 yes, I mean literally... 605 01:04:27.059 --> 01:04:30.183 Then I can meet my death with a clear conscience. 606 01:04:38.100 --> 01:04:42.809 Hey everybody, the contractions have started. 607 01:04:47.059 --> 01:04:51.559 Hey, everybody, she's got half a metre dilation. 608 01:04:58.392 --> 01:04:59.892 It's a boy. 609 01:05:12.892 --> 01:05:16.059 Isn't it fantastic that we could all experience this moment. 610 01:05:42.350 --> 01:05:43.392 Jack? 611 01:06:25.183 --> 01:06:30.684 The devil. Save the children. The white children. 612 01:06:34.309 --> 01:06:35.684 Chief ranger? 613 01:06:45.726 --> 01:06:46.767 Master ranger. 614 01:06:48.392 --> 01:06:50.350 Ronnie Bosboom. 615 01:06:51.684 --> 01:06:54.809 Long story, but the Man with the Vulture is really angry, 616 01:06:54.976 --> 01:06:56.892 so we all have to be very quiet. 617 01:06:57.059 --> 01:07:01.809 But I have a great plan. He probably doesn't even know where we are, so... 618 01:07:01.976 --> 01:07:04.892 They're in there, that's where they are. 619 01:07:05.059 --> 01:07:11.350 Ronnie Bosboom, Mr camping guy, show yourselves. 620 01:07:28.892 --> 01:07:34.100 Campers, if you give up those two cancer-ridden fairies 621 01:07:34.267 --> 01:07:38.183 I promise you that I won't touch you. 622 01:07:44.642 --> 01:07:48.684 Dear people, as far as I'm concerned it's clear to us all. 623 01:07:48.851 --> 01:07:52.183 This is an incredibly fucked up camping. 624 01:07:54.100 --> 01:07:58.309 But however fucked up as it is, it is our fucked up camping. 625 01:07:58.976 --> 01:08:04.559 This week I made friends for life, I laughed my head off with you all, 626 01:08:04.726 --> 01:08:09.225 I cried with you, and I met a very special woman. 627 01:08:10.059 --> 01:08:14.767 Norma, what a week we've had... 628 01:08:16.309 --> 01:08:20.100 Thank you so much for allowing me into your wonderful soul. 629 01:08:21.267 --> 01:08:24.225 One day you'll find your white prince on his horse, 630 01:08:24.726 --> 01:08:27.976 and it breaks my heart that it can't be me... 631 01:08:28.559 --> 01:08:30.183 I have another destiny. 632 01:08:32.100 --> 01:08:36.183 He's got just one ball left then he'll have to open a new set. 633 01:08:36.726 --> 01:08:41.183 I'll give you plenty of time to get yourselves to safety. 634 01:08:41.350 --> 01:08:46.183 I am willing to give my life for friendship, for love... 635 01:08:46.350 --> 01:08:50.809 For Camping HIV. For Camping HIV. 636 01:09:04.225 --> 01:09:10.183 I only spoke to the guy twice for about a minute. A real lonely man. 637 01:09:27.309 --> 01:09:30.434 Guys, I'm here. I'm here. 638 01:09:30.600 --> 01:09:35.726 I'm wearing my invisible suit. Follow right behind me and make war sounds. 639 01:09:35.892 --> 01:09:38.892 Bang, bang. Bang, bang... 640 01:09:41.350 --> 01:09:43.059 Jos and Ria... 641 01:09:44.726 --> 01:09:46.767 Aren't you coming? -No. 642 01:09:46.934 --> 01:09:51.059 We're too old. We're staying here. 643 01:09:51.225 --> 01:09:54.767 Take him, my boy and take good care of him. 644 01:10:16.976 --> 01:10:18.767 Jonas's mother. 645 01:10:33.684 --> 01:10:37.475 Jonas is still inside. -Jonas? 646 01:10:46.559 --> 01:10:51.517 Is that everyone? -Help, I can't open the door. 647 01:10:51.684 --> 01:10:54.684 That's the man who was always filming the sleeping child. 648 01:10:54.851 --> 01:10:57.809 Yeah, the guy with the black bar covering his eyes. 649 01:10:59.600 --> 01:11:04.559 Someone should go and save him. -Your alveoli will be burned in seconds. 650 01:11:04.726 --> 01:11:08.976 Quite right, and what about the carbon monoxide accumulation? 651 01:11:09.142 --> 01:11:11.392 But it was fun, right? -Yes. 652 01:11:11.559 --> 01:11:13.392 Oh sorry, I'm Hank. -Bald Ben. 653 01:11:13.559 --> 01:11:14.600 Nice to meet you. 654 01:11:15.767 --> 01:11:17.892 You are a hero. 655 01:11:20.642 --> 01:11:22.350 Ronnie. 656 01:11:24.100 --> 01:11:25.475 Ronnie, let's go. 657 01:11:47.767 --> 01:11:50.809 Ronnie, you can do without them, believe me. 658 01:11:54.976 --> 01:12:00.934 Okay. I'm sorry I brought all this trouble onto your camping. 659 01:12:01.559 --> 01:12:05.018 I'm sorry I didn't see you as a person and only as a name. 660 01:12:09.600 --> 01:12:12.434 What's your name, in fact? -Ronnie. 661 01:12:12.726 --> 01:12:15.142 The tent is standing. Yes. 662 01:12:15.309 --> 01:12:16.684 Oh no... this is it, I guess. 663 01:12:26.309 --> 01:12:30.100 I don't believe it. Goodbye world. 664 01:13:33.225 --> 01:13:36.350 Why don't you take your dirty paws off my face? 665 01:13:36.934 --> 01:13:38.892 Chief ranger? 666 01:13:43.434 --> 01:13:47.183 It's over. I've failed. 667 01:13:49.142 --> 01:13:53.225 This camping's finished, and I haven't got any money to build a new one. 668 01:13:57.809 --> 01:14:02.851 The only reason I'd preserved this lovely plot all these years 669 01:14:03.018 --> 01:14:05.642 was because I'd always hoped... 670 01:14:28.350 --> 01:14:31.976 I finished my ice lolly a long time ago, daddy. 671 01:14:47.600 --> 01:14:50.642 I'm going to perform. -What? 672 01:14:51.434 --> 01:14:53.309 Thanks to you I can face the world. 673 01:14:53.475 --> 01:14:58.059 I'm going to give a one-off Ultimate Ronnie Bosboom Jr. comeback show. 674 01:14:58.684 --> 01:15:01.225 With the profits you can rebuild the camping, 675 01:15:01.392 --> 01:15:04.434 and I can spend my old age in peace somewhere else. 676 01:15:04.600 --> 01:15:09.309 Your old age? You've just turned 28. -28 in artist years. 677 01:15:10.934 --> 01:15:14.851 Are you sure? -Of course, we're friends after all. 678 01:15:18.059 --> 01:15:22.183 Let the world know that Ronnie Bosboom Jr. is going to perform. 679 01:15:28.892 --> 01:15:32.600 Let the world know that Ronnie Bosboom Jr. is not going to perform. 680 01:15:35.475 --> 01:15:37.600 Are you sure? -No surprise. 681 01:15:38.225 --> 01:15:41.767 If I had my pills I'd perform, but you made me leave them there. 682 01:15:42.183 --> 01:15:48.059 Okay, I'll tell them the concert's not on and refund one and a half million tickets. 683 01:15:48.225 --> 01:15:50.726 I'd rather set fire to myself than sing. 684 01:15:50.892 --> 01:15:53.142 A great title for your new album. 685 01:15:56.100 --> 01:15:59.225 Dad? But you were... 686 01:15:59.392 --> 01:16:02.559 Oh, this is the moment I have to finish your sentence for you. 687 01:16:03.600 --> 01:16:05.892 'Dead' is the word you're looking for, right? 688 01:16:06.392 --> 01:16:08.183 What? -I needed money. 689 01:16:08.350 --> 01:16:12.183 I had a couple of bird-crazy fairies, I sold an imitation Diamond record, 690 01:16:12.350 --> 01:16:17.100 but those two were so weird that things got a bit too hot for your Dad. 691 01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:20.309 Why did you abandon me? 692 01:16:21.225 --> 01:16:22.892 Abandon you? 693 01:16:25.392 --> 01:16:28.517 Have you any idea what it was like, night after night, 694 01:16:28.684 --> 01:16:31.559 getting an unwilling child to perform, 695 01:16:31.726 --> 01:16:33.851 spending my life arranging everything 696 01:16:34.018 --> 01:16:37.309 for a rebellious, ungrateful, fucking kid? 697 01:16:37.726 --> 01:16:40.934 Asking the assistant if travel had been arranged, 698 01:16:41.100 --> 01:16:46.100 asking him if there was food, or if the castration had been successful. 699 01:16:46.267 --> 01:16:47.392 Sorry, what? 700 01:16:47.559 --> 01:16:52.642 At a certain moment your voice broke, and we had to do something about it. 701 01:16:52.809 --> 01:16:57.183 But I thought I'd had my tonsils out. -No, it was your balls. 702 01:16:57.809 --> 01:17:01.100 They're made of jelly. Give'em a squeeze. 703 01:17:02.642 --> 01:17:06.392 Joking. So, I'm here. I'm your father. 704 01:17:06.559 --> 01:17:08.350 But above all I'm your manager, 705 01:17:08.517 --> 01:17:12.392 and singing at this fucked up camping... -I'm not going to perform. 706 01:17:12.559 --> 01:17:14.059 That sounds like you. 707 01:17:40.517 --> 01:17:42.267 I'm not going to perform. 708 01:17:43.059 --> 01:17:47.018 And you're on longer my manager and no longer my father. 709 01:17:47.517 --> 01:17:50.976 And this isn't a fucked up camping. 710 01:17:51.892 --> 01:17:56.726 I'm not going to be dragged up onto a stage anymore... by you. 711 01:17:58.059 --> 01:17:59.767 He has to do it. 712 01:18:02.517 --> 01:18:06.183 And who the hell is he, then? -This is the chief ranger. 713 01:18:06.934 --> 01:18:09.309 And he is my manager and he... 714 01:18:10.100 --> 01:18:12.434 is my best friend. 715 01:18:13.059 --> 01:18:18.225 And from now on I will only let someone drag me on stage who loves me, 716 01:18:18.684 --> 01:18:21.559 and who I love too. 717 01:18:44.018 --> 01:18:47.142 Oh no, what I actually meant was... -And I thought that... 718 01:18:47.309 --> 01:18:50.475 Absolutely not, are you crazy? Okay, right. 719 01:18:50.642 --> 01:18:52.142 I love you too. 720 01:18:53.392 --> 01:18:57.892 Okay. I'm going to do it, for you. -You don't have to. 721 01:18:58.100 --> 01:19:00.517 This is all new for you, so listen carefully. 722 01:19:01.434 --> 01:19:04.183 You have to keep slapping me until I go up on stage. 723 01:19:04.350 --> 01:19:07.976 I'm going to beg you to stop. 724 01:19:08.142 --> 01:19:12.142 You have to promise me you'll keep on slapping me. Are you ready? 725 01:19:12.475 --> 01:19:13.684 No. 726 01:19:15.851 --> 01:19:17.018 Harder. 727 01:19:18.018 --> 01:19:19.183 Harder. 728 01:19:19.517 --> 01:19:20.851 Harder. 729 01:19:22.726 --> 01:19:23.600 Harder. 730 01:19:23.726 --> 01:19:27.434 Harder, harder, harder... 731 01:19:27.600 --> 01:19:32.559 No, stop, please stop, please stop. Carry on. 732 01:19:53.059 --> 01:19:58.434 The curtain opens and the whole world is happy, 733 01:19:58.767 --> 01:20:03.767 excepting one and he's the only one that counts, 734 01:20:04.559 --> 01:20:09.600 instead of a reward a punishment was all I ever got, 735 01:20:09.767 --> 01:20:15.267 sobbing softly, on an empty stomach sent to my room without a bed, 736 01:20:15.517 --> 01:20:21.267 I was kicked in the shins and my leg hurt like hell, 737 01:20:21.517 --> 01:20:26.600 I know the sting of the whip, and the treading on my toes, 738 01:20:26.892 --> 01:20:32.267 if perfection isn't enough and surrender not worth a try, 739 01:20:32.434 --> 01:20:37.350 you go so deep that from high above you see right down below, 740 01:20:37.851 --> 01:20:41.934 Too young, too old, 741 01:20:43.142 --> 01:20:46.976 too grown up, too quickly, 742 01:20:50.142 --> 01:20:55.767 I've shared too much, and now my race is run, 743 01:20:55.934 --> 01:20:58.475 Too young, too old. 744 01:21:01.018 --> 01:21:05.600 Too young, too old, 745 01:21:06.100 --> 01:21:10.267 too grown up, too quickly, 746 01:21:12.100 --> 01:21:16.851 we've emptied the barrel, we've had the last round, 747 01:21:17.018 --> 01:21:21.267 I'm worn out, penniless and I've had enough... 748 01:21:27.851 --> 01:21:29.018 Ronnie? 749 01:21:30.309 --> 01:21:33.600 Did you see me? I gave everything I had. 750 01:21:33.767 --> 01:21:35.059 You were great. 751 01:21:35.183 --> 01:21:39.475 I'm so happy that with my final deed that I was able... 752 01:21:39.642 --> 01:21:41.475 to save the camping. 753 01:21:41.642 --> 01:21:45.183 It's not your final deed, there's so much joy awaiting you. 754 01:21:45.350 --> 01:21:48.100 It's fine to end it all like this. 755 01:21:49.517 --> 01:21:55.517 Can I ask you just one favour? -Of course, I'll do anything for you. 756 01:21:55.684 --> 01:21:58.559 My life would be complete... 757 01:21:58.809 --> 01:22:01.392 If you would call the baby, Ronnie. 758 01:22:03.767 --> 01:22:05.934 Will you do that for me? 759 01:22:07.059 --> 01:22:08.517 Actually no. 760 01:22:10.142 --> 01:22:11.309 Why not? 761 01:22:11.809 --> 01:22:15.559 Well, I really wanted to name the baby Aruft. 762 01:22:15.726 --> 01:22:20.225 But I'm lying here dying in front of the whole camping. 763 01:22:20.392 --> 01:22:23.892 I understand that, but he'll simply be called Aruft, sorry. 764 01:22:25.642 --> 01:22:27.600 That's a pity. 765 01:22:31.309 --> 01:22:34.809 Okay, I promise to call him Ronnie. 766 01:22:36.809 --> 01:22:41.225 I wanted to call him Aruft because of that story I still had to tell you. 767 01:22:41.392 --> 01:22:44.434 I was five and here with my parents and my father said: 768 01:22:44.600 --> 01:22:46.892 Go and get yourself a Calippo ice lolly. 769 01:22:47.059 --> 01:22:48.100 Ronnie? 770 01:23:28.018 --> 01:23:29.517 What are you doing? 771 01:23:31.183 --> 01:23:33.809 What do you think? I'm leaving with the cash. 772 01:23:33.976 --> 01:23:37.183 That money's for the camping, it was Ronnie's final wish. 773 01:23:38.267 --> 01:23:42.183 What sort of a father are you? -What sort of a father am I? 774 01:23:43.018 --> 01:23:45.809 What's that? -What do you think it is? 775 01:23:50.934 --> 01:23:52.559 Have you... did you...? -Yes. 776 01:23:52.726 --> 01:23:55.309 I got it for a bag of sweets and a fizzy drink. 777 01:23:55.851 --> 01:23:58.183 You've taken everything from him, you bastard. 778 01:23:58.350 --> 01:24:00.018 Stay here. 779 01:24:10.183 --> 01:24:13.851 Enough is enough. 780 01:24:16.225 --> 01:24:20.684 That's right, I took everything away from my son. 781 01:24:20.851 --> 01:24:24.517 And what have I got for it? I've been beheaded. 782 01:24:24.934 --> 01:24:27.892 Hey, I've been beheaded and I can still talk, 783 01:24:28.059 --> 01:24:33.642 and I read that you can carry on talking for at least 10 seconds... 784 01:24:44.100 --> 01:24:47.225 9 MONTHS LATER 785 01:24:56.809 --> 01:25:01.559 That was a good shot, my dear son. -My name's Jonas, nutter. 786 01:25:02.434 --> 01:25:05.642 Boys, time to eat. -We're coming. 787 01:25:06.642 --> 01:25:08.392 Go and eat, old chap. 788 01:25:12.434 --> 01:25:14.851 Shall we go and have lunch, Aruft? 789 01:25:16.684 --> 01:25:18.892 Hey, Kaylie. -Hey, Chief ranger. 790 01:25:19.059 --> 01:25:22.267 You can't see I'm pregnant, can you? -No, not at all. 791 01:25:22.434 --> 01:25:26.142 Triplets. Ronnie's. I'm going to make a boy band out of them. 792 01:25:26.309 --> 01:25:29.018 I think he'd have liked that. -Well, I think... 793 01:25:29.183 --> 01:25:30.350 Bye. 794 01:25:32.726 --> 01:25:35.767 Right. Let's go and sit down. 795 01:25:36.183 --> 01:25:38.600 How come we can sit on your favourite spot now? 796 01:25:38.767 --> 01:25:41.475 Your father figure's going to tell you why. 797 01:25:41.642 --> 01:25:45.642 When I was about your age, I was also camping here with my parents. 798 01:25:46.018 --> 01:25:50.350 I'd heard my mother and father whispering and giggling, all wound up, 799 01:25:50.517 --> 01:25:54.267 and then my father said to me: Go and buy yourself a Calippo ice lolly. 800 01:25:54.434 --> 01:25:57.809 So, I went to get my Calippo and when I returned I saw... 801 01:25:57.976 --> 01:26:01.600 It's none of my business and I'll be off right away. 802 01:26:01.767 --> 01:26:04.684 I just want to say that I'm Marie-Claire Koevermans, 803 01:26:04.851 --> 01:26:08.434 and if I have a relationship with you then I'll tell you to change, 804 01:26:08.600 --> 01:26:12.183 and when you finally do, I'll go to bed with your best friend. 805 01:26:12.350 --> 01:26:17.434 Okay, give me call. 06-44019449, 806 01:26:17.600 --> 01:26:20.892 preferably in the middle of the night. That's it, see you, bye. 807 01:26:47.767 --> 01:26:50.600 And broken. Thanks a lot, fatty.