1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,883 [buzzing] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,476 [cheering, applauding] 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,477 [Sam] Holy shit. 6 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,604 What the fuck is up, Atlanta? 7 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,314 [cheering] 8 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,736 This shit is fuckin' amazing, man. 9 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,446 [cheering] 10 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:30,655 Wow. 11 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,282 This shit really hit me today. 12 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:35,035 I was-- I was walking to the venue and, 13 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,870 you know, all the emotions. 14 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,496 Like, this is my fucking special. 15 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:41,875 I'm here, I'm doing the shit that I set out to do 16 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,585 -this whole fuckin' time. -[cheering] 17 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,003 -You know? -[applauding] 18 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,089 I was walking down, and I was-- I was coming... 19 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:52,010 through the alleyway, and I was like, "This is really some full-circle shit." 20 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,387 'Cause the last dude I fucked... 21 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,016 I met at a bar right over there. 22 00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,893 [woman cheers] 23 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:00,810 [chuckles] 24 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,271 The last dick I took, I met right over there. 25 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,564 [woman] Yeah! 26 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,859 Crazy! That was the last dick I sucked. Whoa! 27 00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,027 [woman yells] 28 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,198 Every time I think about it, my mind's blown. 29 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,158 Like, "Bitch, you was sucking dicks." 30 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,285 [laughing] 31 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,037 I don't like dicks at all! 32 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,791 Like, I know that for a fact. I don't like dicks. 33 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,001 I don't even like wearing 'em when bitches ask me to. 34 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,419 I don't like dicks. 35 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,839 And I was suckin' whole dicks, just putting 'em in my mouth. 36 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,258 [laughing, applauding] 37 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,014 The shit we'll do to fit in, you know? 38 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,350 [laughs] 39 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,353 I just wanted to be friends with my friends! 40 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,480 I just wanted to be able to talk to my peer group. 41 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:47,774 Like, "Yeah, girl, the balls are salty like that. 42 00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,528 The balls be salty as fuck. I know, girl. 43 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,739 It's crazy how salty the balls are." 44 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,992 Suckin' whole dicks... Nutty! 45 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:02,205 Never was good at it, either. D-minus dick-sucker. 46 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:04,999 D-minus. 47 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:06,918 Never won the dick-suck game. 48 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,046 I had some nights-- I had some Jordan flu game. 49 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,383 "Tonight's the night I ball!" You know, just go-hard nights. 50 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,469 I have to say that disclaimer 'cause I'll be like, "I'm a bad dick-sucker," 51 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,347 and somebody in the crowd'll be like, "She sucked the shit out my dick!" 52 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,349 I'll be like, "Oh, God dammit! 53 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,811 I did. That night, I did. I did... 54 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,274 do the fuckin' job." [laughs] 55 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,278 Shit is wild, man. 56 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:36,698 I'm with my girl. I travel everywhere with my girl, which is stupid. 57 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,994 I bring my girl everywhere 'cause I love her, but also, uh, fuck her. 58 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,370 You know, it's annoying. 59 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,123 Like, I'm in love, I'm in love. This is a woman I've chased. 60 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,458 I'm in love. I've chased this woman for years. 61 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,044 But also, like, "Oh, shut the fuck up and go away." 62 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,547 Like, we shouldn't be taking trips together. 63 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,008 I realized that that's where I'm fucking up. 64 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,385 We should be going on trips, but on separate trips. 65 00:02:57,468 --> 00:03:00,889 Like, she goes to Hawaii, I go to London, then we switch. 66 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,977 You know what I mean? I go to Hawaii, she goes to London. 67 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,479 So we see the same shit so we can talk about it later. 68 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,190 We'll have a dialogue, 69 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,984 but we don't actually have to be in the same fuckin' space. 70 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,695 'Cause that seems to be creating the problems. 71 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,200 Recently, I went home, back to Boston. That's where I'm from. 72 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,285 [cheering, applauding] 73 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,788 -I'm a Boston kid, you know? -[man yells] 74 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:29,000 But I also don't go back often because my whole family's there. 75 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:30,543 [cheering] 76 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,003 Like, all of them. [laughs] 77 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:35,173 I love 'em, but it's a lot. Know what I mean? So I try to avoid it. 78 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,800 But I was like, "My girl needs to meet my people. I'm goin' home." 79 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,510 I take my girl, I go back home. 80 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,846 It was nice at first. She met my favorite uncle. 81 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,641 He's my favorite 'cause every time I see him, he asks if I'm still gay. 82 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:45,892 Which is nice. 83 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,979 Every time I see him, he's like, "Hey, you still messin' with the ladies?" 84 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:53,691 Like, one day, I was like, "Nah, Unc, back suckin' these dicks! 85 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,945 Back on these dicks, partner. That's what... 86 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:04,118 Puttin' my mouth on balls again, baby. That's... how I like to live." 87 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,914 But it was dope. It was nice for my girl to just see... 88 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,832 where the fuck I come from, you know? 89 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,417 You always want that with your partner. 90 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,962 Just see how I grew up. See the people that raised me. 91 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,922 Just get to know me a little bit better. 92 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:19,175 And all of that felt really good. We was havin' a great time. 93 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,594 I took her out, she met my friends from high school. 94 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,930 Lot of my homegirls, they were telling her stories about 95 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,557 how I used to have my titties out and shit, you know? 96 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:29,185 Just lettin' her know who I used to be. Everything was chill. 97 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,229 Everything was comfortable. It felt great. 98 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:34,399 But it got awkward 'cause I bumped into the dude I lost my virginity to. 99 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:37,568 -[man] Oh, shit! -It was weird, as we look the same now. 100 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:42,699 [laughs] Like, same outfit, same haircut. "What's up, nigga? What the fuck you... 101 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,494 What's good with you, cuz? 102 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,164 Fuck you want?" 103 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,211 I saw him before he saw me. I was like, "Shit, I sucked his dick." 104 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,381 You know, like, I was... "Oh, my God!" Because, for a dyke, 105 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,217 when you see old dicks you sucked, they're like hauntings, you know? 106 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,178 It's just like, "Remember you used to do this?" 107 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,306 Like, "Oh, my God." [laughs] 108 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,766 "Please don't come this fuckin' way." 109 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,437 I was like, "God, I sucked his dick. What's he gonna do?" 110 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,855 He seen me. At first, he was cool. 111 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,774 He gave me the "you know you sucked my dick" head nod, kept it moving. 112 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,694 He was just like, "You know what you did." "I know, I know, I know." 113 00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:25,033 Weird, though, weird to be around my girl, trying to be the best man I'm gonna be 114 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,868 and then seeing a dick I sucked. 115 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,746 I was like, "I don't like this at all." 116 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,831 Then he said the dumbest thing to me. 117 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,709 We're standing across from each other, he went, "I just need to say this. 118 00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:38,171 I just hope I'm not the reason... you're like this." 119 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,714 Like, nigga, what? 120 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:43,593 You think your 15-year-old dick swayed me in any direction? 121 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,929 We were fucking kids, man. 122 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,265 We could've been humpin' mattresses, you know? 123 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,394 Hell, no! Just sometimes, people be gay and don't know it. It's possible. 124 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,773 I was a whole gay bitch, didn't know. People knew before me. 125 00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,318 I came out, some of my old friends was like, "Duh, bitch!" I was like, "Really? 126 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,155 Really? You knew this whole time? 127 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,409 'Cause this whole time, I was for sure thinkin' I liked dick." I did. 128 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,286 I did! I knew I wasn't enjoying sex. 129 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,581 My homegirls would talk about sex. I was like, "I don't like it like they like it," 130 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,166 but I didn't think I didn't like dick. 131 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,585 I just thought, "I ain't found the right dick yet." 132 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,712 They'd be like, "When you feel it in your stomach..." 133 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,298 I was like, "Ooh, that's my least favorite part, when you... 134 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,302 When it hit the stomach, you know it's really there. You can't-- 135 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,888 I don't like that at all." 136 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,058 [chuckles] 137 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,395 But I didn't think I didn't like dick. I just thought, you know, 138 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,605 "Keep suckin' these dicks. Concentrate. Work harder. 139 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,317 Focus on the dicks you're suckin'. Visualize. 140 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,444 You'll fucking get there." 141 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,490 That's why representation matters, man. 142 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,911 It does. It matters. You need to see yourself in the fuckin' world. 143 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:56,165 Like, I didn't realize you could be black and gay and, like, fly and shit. 144 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,419 Like, I'm from Boston, bro. We didn't have black dykes. 145 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,754 We didn't have black dykes. We had white dykes. 146 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,174 They drove Subarus and had long armpit hair. And I was like, "No." 147 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,885 I was like, "No, that's not what I am. I'm not that. 148 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,764 I don't do that. I'm not with that." 149 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,018 We had one black dyke, and that bitch was on crack. 150 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,648 And I was like, "If that's what dyking leads to, 151 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,442 that's not a life for me. 152 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,403 I need to focus on these dicks. Concentrate." 153 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,155 [grunts] 154 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:30,074 "Concentrate and work hard and make somethin' of myself." 155 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:38,082 You honestly couldn't be black and gay outside of Atlanta until 2012. 156 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,878 It just didn't exist anywhere else in the world. 157 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,963 So I didn't know, you know? 158 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,926 I was like, "Nah, man, I'm just... into licking these dicks and balls." 159 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:53,264 Not at all. And then I ate a pussy, and I was like, "Bitch!" 160 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,225 The world opened the fuck up. 161 00:07:57,018 --> 00:08:00,605 I was like, "Oh, this is what everyone said when they said they like it." 162 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,357 I never understood the liking it part. I was like, "Sex is just a job. 163 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,110 You don't like it, you just do it." And then, fuck it. 164 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,112 But, no, you can like it. 165 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:12,408 Like, now I eat pussy, I'm like, "This is it, I'm a winner. 166 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,205 Now I'm winning. I feel in control. I know what the fuck I'm doing. 167 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,248 This is where I was supposed to be. In the pussy." 168 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,670 Now I'm in love, so I'm only in one pussy, and that's weird. 169 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,882 It's weird 'cause I know it's the only pussy I'm gonna be in forever. 170 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,843 It's not always great, right? 171 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:37,391 When you fuck the same person forever, you know, there's downsides to that. 172 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,810 There's highs and lows. Cause now, we've been fucking since, 173 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,480 I don't know, we was 22? 174 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,442 I'm 30-something, so it's like, "I don't care about this pussy anymore." 175 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:49,362 Like, I love her, but the pussy, I don't give a fuck. 176 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,031 It could come, it could go, it could not be there. 177 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,492 But I'm tryin' to do it. I am. I'm like, I'm in love. 178 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,328 That's why I bring her everywhere. That's why we travel and shit. 179 00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,038 We just went to Europe recently. 180 00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,124 Three weeks in Europe. Big fuckin' mistake. 181 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:06,754 Three weeks. Mm-mm-mm. Too long. Shouldn't have done it. 182 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,173 It was fucked up before we even left New York. 183 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,842 Before we got out our apartment, it was problematic. 184 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,094 It started with the packing. 185 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,681 Everything broke down with the fuckin' packing. 186 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,976 Everything was goin' good. We was packing, she was packing, 187 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,144 I was packin', everything felt respectable. 188 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,522 But then she started packin' a third bag. 189 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,149 And that really confused me, 'cause she only has two arms. 190 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,737 So I was like, "How you packin' three bags with two arms, baby girl? 191 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,950 You don't got enough arms for the bags you packin'. 192 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,077 What a presumptuous, bold fuckin' move, 193 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,205 to pack bags you don't got fuckin' arms for! 194 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,250 Who's supposed to be in charge of these fuckin' bags? 195 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,712 Who's gonna be the boss, bitch? I don't understand." 196 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,672 Then we got to an airport and it caused a fight 197 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,049 because she forgets I'm not a man, I'm not a fucking man. 198 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,884 I'm not. So I don't have any chivalry. 199 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,845 I don't give a fuck! I don't give a fuck! 200 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,305 I don't give a fuck. 201 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,725 I am a whole bitch. I have no chivalry in me. 202 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:02,602 [laughs] 203 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,896 Are you crazy? So it's not like I saw her struggling with the bags and was like, 204 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,815 [gruffly] "I can't let my baby struggle!" 205 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,777 [laughing] "I gotta get these bags!" 206 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,364 Fuck, no! I was just like, "Stupid bitch! Bring less bags. 207 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,367 Dumb motherfucker. That was dumb as all hell." 208 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,368 [applauding] 209 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,454 "Bringin' bags you ain't got enough arms for. 210 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,039 Who the fuck does that? 211 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,209 You see, I got bags for arms, baby girl. That's how I goddamn roll. 212 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,379 Hell's wrong with you?" 213 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,090 So she's strugglin', lookin' stupid, 214 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,134 and I'm just watching like, "Mm-mm-mm," you know? 215 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:36,969 "Mm." 216 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,097 Then this dude comes and tries to save the day, 217 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,974 'cause that's what dudes like to do, you know? 218 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:45,269 Especially when men see a masculine woman. That's their favorite shit. 219 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,189 They like to come, like, "I got the real dick." You know? 220 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,651 Filthy fucks. "I got the real-- Where you want-- 221 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,235 Where you need my dick to go? 222 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,571 What bag my dick gotta pick up? 223 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,157 What you want my dick-- You need my dick over here?" 224 00:10:58,699 --> 00:10:59,825 "Shut up." 225 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,285 [laughs] 226 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:05,414 This fucking clown come-- "I got the real-- I got the real dick." 227 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,458 [laughs] 228 00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:09,043 And he jacks up the bag, 229 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,504 and he looks at me, and he's like, "Now what?" 230 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,963 Like, "Nigga, get mine too! 231 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,258 You gettin' bags, get all the bitches' bags! 232 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,221 The fuck you think? I'm a lady. Carry my shit." 233 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,182 [laughs] 234 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,684 "Be a fuckin' gentleman." 235 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,062 [laughs] 236 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:32,108 It doesn't help that I'm a nervous flier. I'll say that. I didn't help. 237 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:35,403 I'm a very nerve-racked flier. I hate fuckin' flying. 238 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,488 I'm thinkin' about dying the whole time. 239 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:41,200 The entire trip, I'm just like, "I'm fuckin' dead up here," you know? 240 00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,203 I think if you're not thinkin' about dying, you're a psychopath. 241 00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:47,498 I don't know anyone who's just up there, like, "This is how God intended it." 242 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:50,543 You know, what the fuck? Clearly, we have no business up there. 243 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,046 We're watchin' ESPN, we're drinkin'. Who the fuck do we think we are? 244 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,507 So ballsy. Chill out. You know? 245 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,467 This is delicate. 246 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:03,097 Then we like to give the illusion of safety. "In case of an emergency." 247 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,890 Bitch, we're dead if there's an emerg-- 248 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,144 This motherfucker's in the exit row with his shoes off, drunk. 249 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,732 He's saving all of us? He's the guy? He's the point man? 250 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,025 Fuck you! Fuck you! 251 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:19,739 You don't give a shit about us. I watched you give this man drinks! 252 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,410 Maybe don't serve drinks to the exit row niggas. Of all the niggas! 253 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,163 Maybe they have to be sober. 254 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,625 You want me to feel safe in the skies... Kiss my ass! 255 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,963 I think about death in a weird-- I don't think like how most-- 256 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:38,507 I think most people think some regular-ass shit. 257 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,342 Right? They think, like, I don't know, 258 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,470 "What if the pilot takes us into a mountain today 259 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,180 'cause he hates his fuckin' life?" 260 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,391 Or, "What if the engine fails?" That's normal thoughts. 261 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:48,809 I think crazy, crazy shit. 262 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605 I think, like, what if the company that makes the chemical 263 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,732 that makes the doo-doo block... 264 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,736 Okay, so when you're on a plane and you shit or you piss, 265 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,654 it don't just go to the birds, baby. 266 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,282 Right? You don't just flush it, it's in the sky. 267 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,117 No, it stays on the fuckin' plane. 268 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,453 Like a camper. And there's a chemical in there, 269 00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,747 and it makes a gelatinous mess, and when you land, 270 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,081 they suck that shit out, 271 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,542 they put a new chemical in for your next flight. 272 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:17,379 I be thinking, what if the doo-doo block company, right, the chemical company... 273 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:19,423 What if they skimp on a chemical? 274 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,843 Just on some American greed shit. American companies are trash. 275 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,679 They're always doin' this type of fuckin' shit, cuttin' corners. 276 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,224 We know this, cuttin' corners, doin' funny shit. 277 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,476 What if one of these fuckin' companies, like, "Know what? 278 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,354 We're not buyin' boric acid this month. We don't fuckin' need boric acid. 279 00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,731 It's $30,000 a unit and it really doesn't do anything." 280 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,943 Then I'm in the sky, I take a shit, the plane's half a pound heavier, 281 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,528 boom, into a mountain. 282 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:43,948 Fuckin' dead. 283 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,492 That's what the hell goes on in my brain. 284 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,620 Shit that can't be cured with no safety video. You know? 285 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,121 Fuck are you-- 286 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,457 So I'm nervous. I'm on edge. 287 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,793 As soon as I get on the plane, I'm on edge, I'm on it. 288 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,878 I'm makin' sure everyone's phone's on airplane mode. 289 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,380 'Cause that's everybody's job. 290 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,092 I'm just, like, "Look at him. Why this nigga on Candy Crush like that? 291 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:07,972 Who's gonna do somethin' about that? That's weird. I don't like any of this." 292 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,348 [laughs] 293 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:14,061 Then I sit down, and I notice my girl still fuckin' around on her phone. 294 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:17,690 She ain't fuckin' changed her shit yet. She playin' games and shit. 295 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:20,401 So I'm like, "Hey, baby, when you gonna do it? 296 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:22,778 The guy said do it. 297 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,031 I think you should go ahead and do it." 298 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,994 And she snaps at me 'cause she's still mad over the bag shit. 299 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,707 So she's like, "You ain't gotta do it till the plane takes off!" 300 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,918 And it's like, "Bitch, you don't build planes! 301 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,506 You don't. You're not a plane scientist or no shit like that. 302 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:47,553 You do it when the nigga drivin' the plane says it's time to do it! 303 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,892 That's the opportune time." 304 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:57,146 And that caused another fight, 'cause I hit the button on that bitch. 305 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,440 I was like, "Bing, get her the fuck outta here. 306 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:01,692 Mm-mm-mm-mm. 307 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:05,571 I'm not goin' in the sky with this bitch, she actin' up on the ground. 308 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,865 How the fuck we gonna go in the sky? 309 00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,200 You not followin' the ground rules, baby girl! 310 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,495 That don't add up." [laughs] 311 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,459 [laughing] 312 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,631 So then, I'm in my seat and shit, right, and now we fightin'. 313 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,424 We tryin' to whisper-fight like white people. 314 00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,803 You know, tryin' to get a good whisper-fight in. 315 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,723 [laughs] 316 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:37,227 We... pss-pss-pss-pss. Pffft! You know? That goofy, goofy stuff. 317 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,273 And her main thing is, like, she likes to fuck with me. 318 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,652 Like, she likes to, like, say shit to me like she's reminding me I'm a woman. 319 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,570 Like I don't... I fuckin' know that, you know? 320 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,073 But she likes to-- 'Cause of my outfits and shit. 321 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,950 Know what I mean? 'Cause of how I dress. 322 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,326 She's like... [grumbles] 323 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,787 "I'ma break you down, remind you you a whole bitch." 324 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,082 I was like, "Bitch, I got a pad in these boxer briefs. I know what's happenin'. 325 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,751 I don't need this energy from you. 326 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,504 Goofy ass." 327 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:07,216 So we're sittin' in the seat, and we're arguin', 328 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:10,844 and then she's like, "What the fuck are you so afraid of, you scaredy bitch? 329 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,554 Are you on your period?" 330 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,306 And I was like, "Waaaah!" 331 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,558 [applauding] 332 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,811 Huh! I got so fuckin' mad! 333 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:20,646 [yells] 334 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,857 Balled up my fist real tight like I was about to punch the seat in front of me. 335 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,609 Like I was just gonna act, you know? 336 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,861 But the last time I did that, we were at the house. 337 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,907 I balled my fist up and punched the wall, and then I just hurt my hand real bad. 338 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,828 Nothin' happened. So I was like, "Let me chill." So I was just like, "Aaah! 339 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,871 What to do? Aaaah!" 340 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,790 And then I just told the truth. 341 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,500 I was like, "I'm afraid to die!" 342 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,503 I yelled that on a plane. 343 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,840 [applauding] 344 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,885 Just put it out there, you know? Just fuckin' be honest. 345 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:56,140 But as soon as I said it, I realized it's not true. 346 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,059 I think I needed to hear it out loud. I was like, "That's not it. 347 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,561 I'm not afraid to die. 348 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:04,273 Actually, death is inevitable, I know it's gonna happen. I'm not afraid to die." 349 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,901 I realized in that moment what I'm afraid of is surviving. 350 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,821 I don't wanna survive a plane crash. 351 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:14,241 I think about bein' that one asshole floatin' on a piece of wing... 352 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:19,371 in the middle of the ocean way more than I think about death. 353 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,372 Just... 354 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:26,420 On some Life Of Pi shit. "Just live, nigga." No! That's trash. 355 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:28,881 No! 356 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,216 I don't wanna survive shit. 357 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,261 You don't come out of nothing you survive clean. It don't matter. 358 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,473 If someone says, "I'm a survivor," they're fucked up a bit. They ain't clean. 359 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,599 It's fucked up. 360 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,394 I survive a plane crash, now my arm's lopsided like this forever. 361 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,981 Forever, I just gotta be like this when I talk to people. That's trash. 362 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,359 My fingertips don't work right no more, so I can't grip shit. 363 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:53,030 I can't pick nothin' up, forever. I can't grip with it, I can't grab shit. 364 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,366 I lose my legs, and now I gotta be the no-legs comic. 365 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,785 I gotta roll up here with no legs. 366 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,746 [gruffly] "I used to have legs, but they gone. 367 00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,623 Y'all heard about the crash. 368 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,793 Don't worry about me." Bullshit! 369 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,002 Fuck that. 370 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,046 [laughs] No! 371 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:14,051 Or I float on a deserted island, and then it's just like, "Fight for your life!" 372 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,845 Like, everything's intact, and it's just like, "Get it in!" 373 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,640 'Cause that's the problem with survival. Survival begs the question, 374 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,600 "Do you have the will to live?" 375 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:25,229 And the answer is no. I already know that. 376 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:28,565 I don't give a fuck about life enough to fight for it, for real. 377 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:32,277 Like, every time I watch Cast Away, I'm like, "Nigga, just be dead! 378 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,988 What the fuck are you doin'? 379 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,699 Lay on the beach and let the waves take you, dawg. 380 00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,369 This is ridiculous!" 381 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,665 Walking Dead? Once my phone's dead, bro, I'm dead. 382 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,668 Where am I goin' without a GPS? 383 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:50,170 I don't know how to use a compass. I'm not white. 384 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,593 White people still... I don't know. 385 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,805 Like, y'all preparin' for some shit but y'all won't tell us what it is. 386 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,348 [applauding] 387 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,433 Y'all move so weird, man. 388 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,727 Y'all actions are weird! 389 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,147 Y'all gettin' ready. And the world's endin'. 390 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,607 Everything's burnin', we get it, and y'all preparin'. 391 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,818 Just tell us. Tell us what's happenin'! 392 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,778 Stop keepin' this shit to yourself. 393 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,491 They do weird shit. They just get lost in the woods for no-- 394 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,535 "Let's just follow the North Star out." 395 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,204 Bitch, why? 396 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,167 Doing Tough Mudders and shit, just runnin' through the mud. 397 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,459 Just runnin'-- Why? 398 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,004 But when you think about it, when mudslides hit, 399 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,423 them niggas gonna be movin', doof, doof, doof! 400 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:36,967 [laughs] 401 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,262 Niggas, on the other hand, we're fucked. 402 00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,514 We prepare for nothin'. 403 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,350 We have no plan for the end of the world, and it's clear it's happenin'. 404 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,477 All we're gonna do is meet in Atlanta. 405 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,729 -[laughs] -[applauding] 406 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,939 That's niggas' plan. Just meet in Atlanta. 407 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,025 -[cheering, applauding] -[laughing] 408 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,777 Just gonna be a bunch of niggas in front of a Waffle House, like, 409 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,322 "Well, I assumed-- I assumed this was the spot, 410 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,325 and then... and then we'd talk about what's next." 411 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,953 [laughs] 412 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,955 "Thought we'd get together first. 413 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,750 What I wanna know is, who's cookin'? 414 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,919 Who's doin' the cookin' this whole time?" 415 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,754 Jesus! 416 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,548 [laughs] 417 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,344 They're gettin' ready, for real. Watch these motherfuckers. 418 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,637 They move funny! 419 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:26,433 All their actions are in preparedness, but we don't know for what, right? 420 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,228 Like, I was watching Naked And Afraid for the first time last week. 421 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:32,356 Why the fuck are you doin' that shit, white people? 422 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:35,400 You just wanna know you can live naked and scared? Nigga, both? 423 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,485 Why both? 424 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,282 Both together, not even separate? That's crazy! 425 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,204 Bunch of white dudes died climbin' the Himalayas. 426 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,164 What the fuck you goin' up there for? 427 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,668 Everything you need down here! 428 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,629 You just wanna know you can sleep with less air? 429 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:58,090 Where the air goin'? Nigga, the air runnin' out? 430 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:03,428 We losin' air? Tell us! 431 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,472 [applauding] 432 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,351 Why y'all keepin' this shit to yourselves? 433 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,728 Put everybody on, goddamn. 434 00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:16,024 I saw a bunch of white people checkin' their restin' heart rate the other day. 435 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,527 "Bitch, we about to have to run? Where we going? 436 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,196 Bitch, where we going? Why are you just checkin' that shit? 437 00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:28,620 What do y'all know that I don't know? I don't like that." 438 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,208 This nigga Elon Musk be goin' to space by hisself. 439 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,961 What the fuck is that white man doin' in space alone? 440 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,714 That's not suspicious to anybody but me? 441 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:42,634 That this motherfucker goes to space without the government, without NASA? 442 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,970 Which I didn't even know you could fuckin' do! 443 00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:47,973 As far as I knew, they were the space niggas. 444 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:49,516 They run space! 445 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:53,937 You wanna fuck with space, you gotta fuck with them. 446 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:57,691 This motherfucker built a spaceship like it's a go-kart, goes on Tuesdays. 447 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,861 Bitch, space day is Saturday! 448 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:01,820 [cheering] 449 00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,113 Everybody know that! 450 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:04,323 [applauding] 451 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:07,159 You can't leave midweek to go to goddamn space! 452 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:09,578 It's an event. It happens Saturday, the TV's on. 453 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,997 This nigga be goin' Wednesday night. What? 454 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,209 From Sacramento, at that. Bitch, space place is Cape Canaveral. 455 00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:17,753 That's where you go from. 456 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:23,300 Ain't no entry point to Mars from fuckin' Sacramento. 457 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:28,180 [laughs] 458 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:33,393 And when you're goin' to space, you at least tell the people. It's a PSA. 459 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:34,603 Get on the goddamn news, say, 460 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,230 "Hey, people, I'm about to fuck around in space. Don't be alarmed." 461 00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,107 This nigga just went. We thought it was aliens. 462 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,610 "Is it aliens?" "No, just Elon doin' donuts in the sky." 463 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:42,944 What the fuck is this? 464 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,530 [applauding] 465 00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:47,449 [woman] Whoo! 466 00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:49,826 [laughing] 467 00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,412 White man ambition is some shit. 468 00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:57,000 You wanna know where the racism is? That's where the fuck it is, white men. 469 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,795 I know y'all still confused. Look at him. "What are you talkin' about?" 470 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:02,381 Fuckin' confused. 471 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,801 'Cause they don't get-- Everyone learns the history. 472 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:09,054 So you're like, "No one's gettin' hung, and we ain't beatin' nobody. 473 00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:12,474 I work next to a black guy, and he has a car, so... equality." 474 00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:17,187 [laughs] Just lay the fuck down, rest easy, 'cause everything's fair. 475 00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:19,940 Fuckin' nut job! 476 00:23:20,023 --> 00:23:21,149 [applauding] 477 00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:23,652 Everything's not fair! 478 00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:27,239 'Cause while you're sleepin', you're dreamin' about buyin' Mars, nigga! 479 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:31,827 [laughs] 480 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:34,788 I've never thought I could do no shit like that a day in my life. 481 00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:37,666 I thought about havin' all the money. I thought, "If I get all the money, 482 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,460 I'm gonna buy them gold ceilings Master P had in Cribs." 483 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,003 [applauding] 484 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:45,132 "That's what the fuck I'ma do when I get all the goddamn money." 485 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:48,176 Space by my goddamn self, bitch? Never! 486 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,888 Even if I thought about goin' to space, I'd call NASA first. 487 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,723 "Yo, NASA, this Sam. Can I go? 488 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:57,602 You know what? It is Tuesday. Space day is Saturday." 489 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:04,609 So we land in London... 490 00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:07,404 [laughing] 491 00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:11,575 [chuckling] 492 00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:13,743 We land in London, 493 00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:16,580 and we decided not to fight anymore, 494 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,040 'cause I think that's how couples traveling work, right? 495 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:20,750 You get to the place you're supposed to be, 496 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,544 you're like, "We can fight where we pay rent. 497 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,505 Let's just try to fuckin' be friends. 498 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:29,634 We've never seen any of this shit before. Let's just try to be cool," right? 499 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:32,012 So we get to London. "We're in London, what are we gonna do? 500 00:24:32,095 --> 00:24:33,972 Which is new shit for me, 'cause I'm a grown-up, 501 00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,765 and now I go out in the daytime. 502 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:38,101 I used to be able to travel like this. "Let's sleep all day 503 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,352 and get fucked up all night. 504 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,563 I wanna see this city high and drunk," you know? 505 00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:44,024 But now I'm an old bitch, I'm like, "I wanna see architecture. 506 00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,233 I wanna know how... 507 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:47,819 how they built the buildings." 508 00:24:52,365 --> 00:24:55,619 We get to London, I'm like, "We still got some time, let's go to a fuckin' museum." 509 00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,245 My girl's like, "Hell, yeah. Let's go." 510 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,414 'Cause we old bitches, and old bitches like the museum. 511 00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,542 But we're not that old, so we took mushrooms first, 'cause, yeah... 512 00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:05,462 -[applause and cheering] -Fuckin' turn the museum up. 513 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:09,674 [laughs] 514 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:11,676 So we take these shrooms... 515 00:25:13,595 --> 00:25:15,972 and we're like, "Let's get out, let's do it." 516 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,308 We go to the British Museum. 517 00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,936 That's the biggest fuckin' museum in London, in the city. 518 00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:23,396 We go to the British Museum. It's huge. I was overwhelmed. 519 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,233 I was high as shit. I walked in, I was like, "Holy shit." 520 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:30,028 'Cause it was wing after wing after wing of stuff, and it blew my mind 521 00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:34,032 'cause I was like, "Wow, white people stole all this shit!" 522 00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:36,117 [laughing, applauding] 523 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,745 "Stole so much shit!" 524 00:25:38,828 --> 00:25:39,829 [cheering] 525 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:43,208 "All this shit is stolen. That's crazy!" 526 00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,710 It was like, "Wow! 527 00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:49,422 They stole everything in this motherfucker!" 528 00:25:51,758 --> 00:25:54,928 The audacity! I think that's the real word to describe white people. 529 00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:57,764 It's not racist. Audacious! 530 00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,183 The fuckin' audacity! 531 00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:04,104 'Cause everyone steals. I'm not saying you're the only one that steals. 532 00:26:04,187 --> 00:26:06,773 Everybody steals. Niggas steal, black people steal, 533 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:08,984 but when we steal, we spread the shit out. 534 00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:12,362 'Cause we're afraid. We're like, "They might come at any moment. 535 00:26:12,445 --> 00:26:16,157 Try to get back some of this shit. So put some at Joe's, put some over here..." 536 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,744 Not the white man. "Put it all in one building." 537 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:22,330 [laughs] 538 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:23,957 "Erect a fortress for it. 539 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:28,044 And, yes, charge them $20 to see it. 540 00:26:28,878 --> 00:26:30,046 Their own shit." 541 00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:32,257 [cheering, applauding] 542 00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:34,551 "And if one of 'em touches it, shoot 'em." 543 00:26:35,552 --> 00:26:36,845 Jesus! 544 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:39,556 [laughing] 545 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:47,731 But they got all the culture. 546 00:26:47,814 --> 00:26:49,816 Another thing that fucked me up when I was London. 547 00:26:49,899 --> 00:26:51,901 I was like, "These motherfuckers got all the culture. 548 00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:53,737 We don't have shit. We're trash." 549 00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:56,031 We have no culture in America. We think we do. 550 00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:58,617 "We'll go see the Liberty Bell." That's garbage. It's trash. 551 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,910 It's trash. It's all just young, ignorant-- 552 00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:03,663 We don't have good-- They have Rembrandts, they got Shake-- 553 00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:05,915 They got the fucking culture, you know? 554 00:27:05,999 --> 00:27:08,209 And as Americans, we just fiend out for their culture. 555 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,670 We just be goin' over there, "Let me get some of your culture. 556 00:27:11,254 --> 00:27:13,923 Let me borrow a Rembrandt for two million for one month, 557 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:16,593 'cause my kids need some art," you know? 558 00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:17,844 They got all the shit. 559 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:21,640 I was with my girl, we went into this one room, we went to the Egypt side. 560 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:24,601 We went into this one room, there was six mummies in one room. 561 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:26,311 Fuckin' blew my mind. 562 00:27:27,103 --> 00:27:29,939 I was like, "Babe, look, six mummies in here." She got all attitudey. 563 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:31,566 She was like, "Why you actin' like that? 564 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,568 Why you actin' like you never been nowhere?" 565 00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:36,529 She thought I was being one of those people that go to another country 566 00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,865 and act like it's so much better than America. 567 00:27:38,948 --> 00:27:40,325 Which is annoying, you know? 568 00:27:40,408 --> 00:27:43,286 Go somewhere, people are like, "Flowers in America don't look like this." 569 00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:46,539 Like, shut the fuck up. That's irritating. 570 00:27:47,415 --> 00:27:48,541 She thought I was doing that. 571 00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:50,960 She was like, "What's the big deal? You seen a mummy before." 572 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:56,174 And I was like, "Yeah, bitch, one! I ain't never seen six together in one room!" 573 00:27:56,257 --> 00:27:58,968 That's how they do us in America, 'cause we borrowin' the culture. 574 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,595 In America, we get one mummy. 575 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,348 Every three summers! 576 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:07,644 And we work that nigga like Joe Jackson worked the Jackson 5. 577 00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:10,397 "Listen up, Mummy! Tomorrow, Memphis. Schenectady! 578 00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:13,274 Take your ass down to Ohio." 579 00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:16,528 [laughs] 580 00:28:19,406 --> 00:28:21,491 We left the museum. We was like, "Let's get a cab." 581 00:28:21,574 --> 00:28:25,161 I was like, "Fuck it, let's Uber. Let's see what the London Uber shit is like." 582 00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:27,747 Like it was gonna be less rapey or somethin'. 583 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,709 Like, "Maybe it's not as rapey, or maybe it's rapey 584 00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:32,919 with, like, a tip of the hat or somethin'." 585 00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:34,671 [laughs] 586 00:28:34,754 --> 00:28:36,673 Just somethin' different, you know? 587 00:28:37,340 --> 00:28:38,425 [laughing] 588 00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:41,052 So we get an Uber, and I-- I will say this-- 589 00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,304 I didn't like, also, being overseas... 'Cause... 590 00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:46,850 I just feel like people are ballsy now 'cause of who the president is, 591 00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:48,309 how, like, our country is, like, 592 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,771 so people feel like they can just talk shit to you, you know? 593 00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:54,315 You go to a foreign country, people are like, "Huh," you know? 594 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:55,734 Think they can take fucking shots 595 00:28:55,817 --> 00:28:57,694 'cause they think our country's in despair. 596 00:28:57,777 --> 00:29:00,572 So I get in the Uber, and as soon as he hears my accent, 597 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:02,449 the motherfucker goes off. 598 00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:05,744 He's like, "Ugh, America, ugh, eurgh... 599 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:10,331 Eurgh! Trump! Bleurgh! When are you guys gonna do--" 600 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:13,042 Like, nigga, Theresa May, Hitler. Suck my dick. 601 00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:14,753 -[applauding] -[man] Yeah! 602 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:19,424 Like you don't have your fuckin' problems. Lick my balls. Get out of here. 603 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:21,843 [laughs] 604 00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:28,433 I don't get defensive. I think a lot of people get fuckin' defensive, you know? 605 00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:30,643 Especially liberals. Liberals like to defend America. 606 00:29:30,727 --> 00:29:33,271 "Don't judge us by the president. 607 00:29:33,354 --> 00:29:35,982 We are such a better country than the president." 608 00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:38,067 No the fuck we're not! 609 00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:42,322 If we were, he wouldn't be the fucking president. 610 00:29:42,405 --> 00:29:43,990 [cheering, applauding] 611 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,367 That's not how shit works. 612 00:29:47,243 --> 00:29:51,498 We're better than Trump? We're a country of Golden Corral buffets. 613 00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:55,293 Who the fuck do be think we are? 614 00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:58,713 Trash! We're trash. 615 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:03,259 Troughs of macaroni, 9.99 prime rib. That's our shit. Garbage shit. 616 00:30:06,012 --> 00:30:08,389 Dollar burgers from fast-food restaurants, 617 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,725 then we complain when them shits gives us cancer. 618 00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:13,978 "Hey! This 99-cent meat almost killed me!" 619 00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:19,025 Duh, bitch! How the fuck you think you get 99-cent meat? 620 00:30:20,318 --> 00:30:22,237 You stretch it out with a little bit of cancer! 621 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,239 There's only one way to make this shit! 622 00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:28,034 How else do you think we achieve this fuckin' goal? You... 623 00:30:29,786 --> 00:30:30,787 dummy. 624 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:36,459 Plus, I don't know... 625 00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:40,129 Trump's our first nigga president. That's gotta matter. 626 00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:43,716 In the history and shit. I'm talking about history-wise. 627 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,301 I'm not talkin' about right now. 628 00:30:45,385 --> 00:30:48,471 I'm talking about when we look back at the world. "Oh, we in the history books." 629 00:30:48,555 --> 00:30:51,766 Pfft, pfft. We're gonna see Barack. We'll be like, "Oh, good black man." 630 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,351 There's Trump, a whole nigga. 631 00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,231 First time we ever had a nigga in the White House, 632 00:30:58,314 --> 00:30:59,566 and the first nigga is white. 633 00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:00,984 That gotta mean somethin'. 634 00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:08,408 He ain't ever been a president. That's why Democrats can't beat him. 635 00:31:08,491 --> 00:31:11,327 They know how to deal with presidents. Not how to deal with niggas. 636 00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:14,122 This is all back-of-the-bus energy. 637 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:15,707 [cheering, applauding] 638 00:31:16,374 --> 00:31:18,877 They don't know what the fuck to do with that. 639 00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:25,550 Every decision is a nigga decision. He ain't never been presidential. 640 00:31:25,633 --> 00:31:28,636 He just let 11 of his friends outta jail for no reason. 641 00:31:29,804 --> 00:31:31,306 [cheering] 642 00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,975 Everything y'all thought the black one was gonna do. 643 00:31:34,934 --> 00:31:37,437 If you white and voted for him, everything you thought the black-- 644 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,981 He was just like, "Let 'em out." "Why?" "'Cause I like 'em. 645 00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:42,483 They my friends. Let 'em out." 646 00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:45,987 He killed an Iranian general. 647 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:48,072 He killed a general of another country 648 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:50,491 that we have consistently had problems with. 649 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:51,993 Killed this man, and first of all, 650 00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:54,454 I didn't even know we was mad at them at the moment. 651 00:31:55,204 --> 00:31:57,749 Had no idea. That's how you know that was some personal nigga shit. 652 00:31:57,832 --> 00:32:00,710 That was beef. He was like, "If you see the nigga slidin', hit my jack. 653 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:03,838 I don't like that motherfucker." 654 00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:05,673 -[cheering, applauding] -[chuckles] 655 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:08,092 "You catch him dipping, hit my jack, hit my jack. 656 00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:09,802 I got somethin' for his ass." 657 00:32:11,054 --> 00:32:14,682 Confused Iran so much, they put 80 mil on his head. They didn't know what to do. 658 00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:17,018 That's not how diplomat-- Just, "80 mil on the nigga head." 659 00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:18,603 Like it was a WorldStar beef. 660 00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:21,856 "Put 80 mil on his head, 20 mil for the chain." 661 00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:25,985 I don't what's happenin' in the world anymore. 662 00:32:28,780 --> 00:32:31,491 [laughs] And when a president makes a move like that, 663 00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:34,535 the president kills the leader of another country, 664 00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:36,204 the president gets on the news. 665 00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:40,500 Matter of fact, every channel becomes the fucking news. 666 00:32:40,583 --> 00:32:43,461 You turn on any channel, it's the president, from the Oval, 667 00:32:43,544 --> 00:32:46,339 and he's like, "Hey, man, some heinous shit went down. 668 00:32:46,422 --> 00:32:48,800 But I'm the president, and I had to protect y'all. 669 00:32:48,883 --> 00:32:51,344 And I do what's right, and I stand for what's right, 670 00:32:51,427 --> 00:32:53,888 so you don't ever have to worry about it 'cause I got your back. 671 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,848 President out. America's the best." 672 00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:57,767 That's what the president does. 673 00:32:57,850 --> 00:32:59,644 A nigga gets on Twitter... 674 00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:01,354 [cheering] 675 00:33:01,437 --> 00:33:04,148 ...tweets the American flag like it's a Crip bandana... 676 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:08,111 and is like, "What's cracking? I don't like the nigga. What are you... 677 00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:09,904 Who's confused?" 678 00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:22,250 From the top of his presidency, he's been on this shit. 679 00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:23,960 Very early, we brought him a serious prob-- 680 00:33:24,043 --> 00:33:26,587 We're like, "Hey, Mr. President, kids are bringing guns to schools. 681 00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:28,339 They're shootin' up schools. What do we do?" 682 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:30,717 He was like, "Get the teachers guns, then. 683 00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:36,222 Niggas bustin' at you, bust back. That's what-- that's what I always say. 684 00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:39,183 That's how you handle shit in the projects." 685 00:33:47,275 --> 00:33:51,029 Plus, I don't know, me and my girl's dynamic is all fucked up, still. 686 00:33:51,112 --> 00:33:53,573 Like, we gotta work out all our shit. 687 00:33:53,656 --> 00:33:55,950 Like, right now, we not celebratin' holidays. 688 00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:58,077 We canceled all the holidays. 689 00:33:59,328 --> 00:34:02,915 I don't fuck with none of them. Valentine's Day, Christmas... 690 00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:05,585 Only thing we do is birthdays. I don't do shit else. 691 00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:09,714 She thinks I'm being mean. I'm like, "No, we'll celebrate the holidays again 692 00:34:09,797 --> 00:34:10,798 when you get a job." 693 00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:16,971 Right now, she's not workin', right? And when I met my girl, she all the-- 694 00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:19,599 Like, It's not like my girl don't get her shit off, but right now, 695 00:34:19,682 --> 00:34:21,517 she just in a transition, she not working. 696 00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:23,269 And when I met her, I didn't make any money. 697 00:34:23,352 --> 00:34:26,606 I was broke. She made a lot of money. But now, it's the opposite. 698 00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:29,942 I make a lotta, lotta money and she makes, like, zero money. 699 00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:32,487 So, no, we not doin' holidays. 700 00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:35,823 What the fuck am I gonna do a holiday with you for? It's not fair. It's not equal. 701 00:34:36,949 --> 00:34:39,952 We're not having equal transactions, like two adults should. 702 00:34:40,286 --> 00:34:43,122 Right? It's not like I buy her a Louis bag, she buys me some Gucci shoes. 703 00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:45,249 Holiday? No. I buy her a Louis bag 704 00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:47,293 and then she gives me a coupon for a back rub 705 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:49,253 like she's seven fucking years old. 706 00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:53,800 I gotta look in her eyes, act like this is a respectable fucking gift 707 00:34:53,883 --> 00:34:55,551 'cause she's put me on the spot! 708 00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:59,055 "This is from my heart, and I mean it." "Bitch, I don't want a back rub from you! 709 00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:01,057 You don't even know how to back rub right!" 710 00:35:08,314 --> 00:35:11,609 So, no. No holidays. I don't want to bring a kid into this. 711 00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:15,571 Now I gotta pay for her, pay for you, do all this shit, protect you both 712 00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:17,865 'cause she thinks that too, 'cause she's crazy. 713 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:22,495 You know, I get that I'm wearin' the outfit, but, nigga, I can't fight. 714 00:35:23,871 --> 00:35:27,291 Chill! These fuckin' underwears don't give me superpowers, honey. 715 00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:28,876 [laughs] 716 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:31,212 The other day, I was in the shower, 717 00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:34,173 she went to the store and she didn't lock the fuckin' door. 718 00:35:34,257 --> 00:35:36,425 That's how I know she thinks I can handle everything. 719 00:35:36,843 --> 00:35:41,055 That's crazy... to leave a woman in the shower, titties soaped up. 720 00:35:42,598 --> 00:35:45,518 Get what I'm saying? I'm in the shower, my titties are soapy. 721 00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:48,771 I got soapy titties in this shower. 722 00:35:49,397 --> 00:35:51,149 And my shit's perky. They sit... 723 00:35:51,858 --> 00:35:54,902 I pop these shits out the bra, they only go to here. They good. 724 00:35:55,486 --> 00:35:56,779 These is good titties. 725 00:35:57,196 --> 00:35:59,574 Not a lot of wear and tear 'cause I don't take a lot of dick, 726 00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:01,242 so they not bouncin' around. 727 00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:05,371 Solid titties. You understand what I'm sayin'? 728 00:36:05,872 --> 00:36:07,874 Up here. On point. 729 00:36:10,084 --> 00:36:11,502 [laughing] 730 00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:17,425 So I get out the shower, I check the door, the shit is unlocked. I was livid! 731 00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:21,679 Livid. I was like, "Yo, that's fucked up. How dare you don't lock the door." 732 00:36:21,762 --> 00:36:23,890 She was like, "How did you even know it was unlocked?" 733 00:36:23,973 --> 00:36:26,184 Like, "Bitch, 'cause I'm a bitch, and I checked. 734 00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:28,644 I'm petty, bitch. What are you talkin' about? 735 00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,397 The first thing I did, hit that lock, see what you was on. 736 00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,317 And figured out you on bullshit!" 737 00:36:38,654 --> 00:36:40,489 She was like, "I don't get the big deal." 738 00:36:40,573 --> 00:36:42,742 I was like, "The big deal is whenever you're in the house 739 00:36:42,825 --> 00:36:44,493 and I leave the house, I lock up the house, 740 00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:45,870 'cause that's the rules of pussy. 741 00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:47,330 Pussy in the house, lock it up. 742 00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:50,208 Everybody know that. Everyone's been taught that. 743 00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:52,418 Pussy inside, lock the pussy inside. 744 00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:56,964 You don't leave it loose, willy-nilly, for anything to fuckin' happen!" 745 00:36:57,590 --> 00:37:00,968 She left me ass-naked in the shower as if the rapist was gonna come in and be like, 746 00:37:01,802 --> 00:37:04,096 "Nah, she got a fade. I ain't gonna do it." 747 00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,014 [cheering] 748 00:37:05,431 --> 00:37:08,351 "What I don't do is take fade pussy. That's off the menu. 749 00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:14,565 I take all types of ass, but not the one that's faded." 750 00:37:15,691 --> 00:37:16,776 Jesus Christ! 751 00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:19,528 [laughs] 752 00:37:21,822 --> 00:37:24,075 The other night, we were in bed, we both heard somethin'. 753 00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:26,619 I said, "Babe, did you hear that?" She's like, "Yeah, go check." 754 00:37:26,702 --> 00:37:28,287 "Bitch, why me? 755 00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:32,291 If there's a whole nigga in here, we both need to go check. 756 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:35,211 It's gonna take two of us to get him the fuck outta here. 757 00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:36,879 What are you talkin' about? 758 00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:40,424 We both might end up suckin' this dude's dick at the end of the day. 759 00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:44,929 And, bitch, you're on the balls, 'cause I pay the rent." 760 00:37:45,012 --> 00:37:46,597 [applauding] 761 00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:49,225 "I'm not suckin' balls and payin' rent, baby girl. 762 00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:52,979 I'm all tip then shaft. Them balls are yours." 763 00:37:56,816 --> 00:37:58,818 -[laughs] -[woman] Oh, shit! 764 00:37:58,901 --> 00:38:00,903 [laughing] 765 00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:04,365 Then we gotta have that goofy shit over cereal. 766 00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:06,492 "We did what we had to do. 767 00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:10,204 -Let's not talk about the shit." -[cheering] 768 00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:12,665 "But, babe, you was really suckin' them balls." 769 00:38:13,874 --> 00:38:15,001 Goin' down! 770 00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:19,255 [laughs] 771 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:21,924 Whew! 772 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,012 [chuckles] 773 00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:29,348 Plus, I don't know, fucking kids suck nowadays, you know? 774 00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:32,768 I don't wanna bring a kid into this-- Every kid now, they're shitty. 775 00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:34,437 They're all too smart. Shut up. 776 00:38:35,104 --> 00:38:38,774 They've all got all these wild fuckin' opinions about the world, 777 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,735 know who they are at two and shit. 778 00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:43,154 I don't want-- I don't got the energy for that. 779 00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:45,740 I want a dumbass kid. I want a '90s baby. 780 00:38:45,823 --> 00:38:49,076 Put some fucking play dough in your ear and just stare at the TV. 781 00:38:50,244 --> 00:38:51,370 [laughs] 782 00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:54,790 Don't want an astute fucking-- [grunts] 783 00:38:57,460 --> 00:38:59,754 I do want a weird one. I do want a little weird one, though. 784 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:01,714 I did think that. I want a little Jaden Smith. 785 00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:06,635 I want a little weird fucker. I do. I just want a kid, I don't know what he's on. 786 00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,305 Like, one day, he's a ninja, the next day, he's gay. 787 00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:14,268 The next day, he's into polygamy. I'm like, "Yeah, fuck that, do it all!" 788 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,605 I want a little-- Mm! I hate when black people don't fuck with Jaden Smith. 789 00:39:17,688 --> 00:39:20,524 I love what... I see that as progress. I'm like, "It's so great." 790 00:39:21,108 --> 00:39:22,902 Like, when-- Especially hyper-masculine dudes, 791 00:39:22,985 --> 00:39:25,654 "What they doin' to that kid? They raisin' that kid all weird!" 792 00:39:26,113 --> 00:39:28,532 It's like, "Yeah, that's dope! We need a weird one. 793 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:31,243 Finally, we got a weird black kid. That's amazing." 794 00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:34,288 Like, every time I see Jaden Smith, I feel like one of those slaves in Django 795 00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,582 when he rode by on that horse. [laughs] 796 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:42,963 I'm like, "Look at this magical nigga! Just doin' whatever he wants." 797 00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:46,342 This motherfucker is dressed like Batman with no shoes on, 798 00:39:46,425 --> 00:39:48,844 singin' about the stars, kissin' white women in the mouth. 799 00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:51,180 That's Martin Luther King's dream! 800 00:39:51,889 --> 00:39:54,683 Let's celebrate that shit. That's amazing. 801 00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:58,896 I want a little weird one. 802 00:39:58,979 --> 00:40:01,649 I just don't want one of these super-smart ones that knows everything. 803 00:40:01,732 --> 00:40:03,776 Like, I don't want a little Greta Thunberg baby. 804 00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:06,821 I don't. I hate that little bitch. 805 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:09,156 I hate that little fuckin' girl, 806 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:11,909 and I hate that you can't say you hate the little fuckin' girl 807 00:40:11,992 --> 00:40:13,285 'cause she autistic or whatever. 808 00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:14,537 That's so stupid. 809 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,456 That's so stupid. I don't hate the girl 'cause she's autistic. 810 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:20,000 I'm not a fuckin' savage. I hate her 'cause she annoying, 811 00:40:20,084 --> 00:40:21,752 and those are separate things. 812 00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:25,089 You can be autistic and annoying, bitch. 813 00:40:25,172 --> 00:40:27,133 I know plenty of autistic niggas not annoying. 814 00:40:27,216 --> 00:40:30,511 They know a lot about Star Wars, they got facts I didn't have. It's dope. 815 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:33,597 This little bitch? Ugh, shut up. 816 00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:37,852 Like, her parents gotta be exhausted. Like, "Okay, bitch, we get it. 817 00:40:37,935 --> 00:40:39,228 Okay. Okay. 818 00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:40,479 Okay!" 819 00:40:48,070 --> 00:40:49,280 I hate her attitude. 820 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:53,409 I get the message, it's the way she's presentin' it that's fuckin' trash. 821 00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:55,703 People wanna accept that and be real about that. 822 00:40:55,786 --> 00:40:59,415 It's like, tell the truth. Her presentation sucks. Right? 823 00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:02,626 I would fuck with her more if her attitude was this. 824 00:41:03,085 --> 00:41:06,714 "Everybody's fucked up. We all messed up the planet. 825 00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:10,759 And we all need to come together to fix this, 'cause we all did bad." 826 00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:13,596 But her message is, "Adults, you fucked up. 827 00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:16,974 Adults, you left me a bad planet. Adults, you did wrong." 828 00:41:17,057 --> 00:41:20,311 Bitch, the shit was fucked up for me too! What the fuck are you talkin' about? 829 00:41:20,394 --> 00:41:22,980 I didn't walk onto a pristine Earth, bitch! 830 00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:26,025 This shit been bad-- Matter of fact, when I was a kid, 831 00:41:26,108 --> 00:41:29,570 they told me California was gonna be gone by now, bitch. 832 00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:32,156 Be glad that shit's still here, motherfucker. 833 00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:35,868 Dummy. 834 00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:41,081 They've never given a fuck about the future. No one cares about the future. 835 00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,958 People care about their kids. 836 00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:46,128 That's it. When I was seven, I went to Disney World on a plane 837 00:41:46,212 --> 00:41:47,463 full of cigarette smoke. 838 00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:50,508 Coughed the whole way. All they did was offer me Sprite. 839 00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,510 -"You want some Sprite, little nigga?" -[cheering] 840 00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:55,679 "Clear that cough up, or whatever you got goin' on." 841 00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:00,392 Supposed to care about this bitch. Shut up! 842 00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:08,609 A lot of shit goin' on. It would be weird to bring kids-- 843 00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:12,071 There's a lot of shit. I might have a kid, she's three, and she knows she's trans. 844 00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:13,447 I'm not ready for that. 845 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:16,408 I don't have the energy to talk to a trans three-year-old. 846 00:42:17,701 --> 00:42:19,745 Like, "Bitch, I don't know. What? What are you saying? 847 00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:22,623 I don't know. Just color with the other color, then, bitch. Go away." 848 00:42:24,083 --> 00:42:25,709 [laughs] 849 00:42:26,335 --> 00:42:28,504 "Just use blue, then. I don't fucking care!" 850 00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:31,131 [laughs] 851 00:42:31,632 --> 00:42:33,759 I don't wanna be stressed about this shit. 852 00:42:34,176 --> 00:42:37,263 I'm not gonna act like I have the answers. I think that's the problem. 853 00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:40,140 We act like we have all the answers. It's like, no, you can be confused. 854 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,894 I think sometimes, people-- Even I have this, as a queer person. 855 00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,855 I sometimes take people's confusion as an attack. 856 00:42:46,939 --> 00:42:48,691 It's like, no, they just don't fuckin' know. 857 00:42:48,774 --> 00:42:52,444 I think also, sometimes, people be confused and be attacking. 858 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:55,573 You know what I mean? You're so confused until, like, "It ain't right!" 859 00:42:55,656 --> 00:42:57,032 Both of those things are wrong, 860 00:42:57,116 --> 00:42:59,159 and somewhere in the middle is the right answer, 861 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,495 which is no one knows what the fuck they're talkin' about. 862 00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:04,582 There's a bunch of gray, and we don't have all the answers yet, 863 00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:08,210 'cause the world is moving faster than fucking what we're ready to think about. 864 00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:11,463 And it's okay to be uncomfortable, it's okay to be confused. 865 00:43:11,547 --> 00:43:14,049 It's not okay to say people shouldn't have the same rights as you. 866 00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:16,010 That's what's not okay. But you can-- 867 00:43:16,093 --> 00:43:18,637 -[cheering, applauding] -You can be all the other shit, 868 00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:20,347 'cause that's fucking human. 869 00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:24,143 Confusion is fucking reasonable. 870 00:43:24,226 --> 00:43:28,022 There'll be a lot of things we don't get and a lot of questions we're gonna have. 871 00:43:28,105 --> 00:43:30,733 My homey called me the other day, and he was like, 872 00:43:30,816 --> 00:43:34,570 "Hey, nigga, I got a question, and you should know the answer 'cause you gay." 873 00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:37,156 That kinda charged me up, I'm not gonna lie. 874 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:40,451 I was like, "What? I'm the gayest nigga you know. What the fuck is the question? 875 00:43:43,579 --> 00:43:45,539 I got all the gay facts, nigga. What?" 876 00:43:48,083 --> 00:43:51,337 And he was like, "What do you do when you see a trans bitch 877 00:43:51,837 --> 00:43:53,213 beatin' up a regular bitch?" 878 00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:56,467 And I was like, "Mmm? That, I don't know. 879 00:43:58,677 --> 00:44:00,554 No, I don't have an answer for that." 880 00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:03,974 I know some of y'all are gettin' tight. I feel it. 881 00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:06,310 Y'all gettin' tight, like, "What does she mean, regular..." 882 00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:09,438 First of all, he's not gay, he just did it the best he could, you know? 883 00:44:09,521 --> 00:44:12,441 He called everyone bitches, so it was universal. Chill out. 884 00:44:15,110 --> 00:44:16,320 [laughs] 885 00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,531 But we really don't have the answer to that. 886 00:44:19,615 --> 00:44:21,909 That's somethin' I didn't think about till he presented it. 887 00:44:21,992 --> 00:44:26,246 What are we gonna do when trans bitches start beatin' up regular bitches? 888 00:44:26,955 --> 00:44:29,708 As a regular bitch, I'm a tad bit concerned. 889 00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:34,797 Not gonna lie. I don't wanna be in a fight with one of these motherfuckers. 890 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,341 "Let them fight!" "No, get this nigga off me." 891 00:44:37,424 --> 00:44:38,634 [applauding] 892 00:44:38,717 --> 00:44:41,595 "This motherfucker is strong in ways I did not expect. 893 00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:44,223 Please help." 894 00:44:46,141 --> 00:44:47,851 [laughing, applauding] 895 00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,269 [chuckles] 896 00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:52,481 I'm not sayin' trans women aren't women. I'm not one of those corny-ass-- 897 00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:54,525 Trans women are women, shut the fuck up, 898 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:57,319 but when one of those women's hands is big enough to palm a football... 899 00:44:57,695 --> 00:45:00,989 and she's cavin' the other woman's chest in, we gotta make some notes... 900 00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,367 maybe figure out a new approach, 901 00:45:04,284 --> 00:45:08,163 how we're gonna work this shit out, to move on as a goddamn society. 902 00:45:10,624 --> 00:45:13,377 I hate women that don't embrace trans women. That's corny. 903 00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:15,504 "They're not real women." Shut up! They're real women. 904 00:45:15,587 --> 00:45:18,841 They're contourin', waxin' all the shit. They're doin' everything you do, goofy. 905 00:45:18,924 --> 00:45:20,926 Pluckin' their chin hairs, you dumbass. 906 00:45:23,595 --> 00:45:24,888 Plus, what are you talkin' about? 907 00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:27,182 Women who don't embrace trans women, what are you saying? 908 00:45:27,266 --> 00:45:28,434 Who do you think we are? 909 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:30,644 We need these super bitches. Are you stupid? 910 00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:32,271 These are our X-Men. 911 00:45:32,938 --> 00:45:35,357 -[cheering] -The world is about to change for us. 912 00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:37,443 Get fuckin' excited. 913 00:45:38,318 --> 00:45:40,446 This is a goddamn blessing. 914 00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:45,242 What are you sayin'? Lombardi Trophy, here we come! 915 00:45:45,325 --> 00:45:47,202 We 'bout to be NFL champions, baby! 916 00:45:49,288 --> 00:45:51,999 With these trans bitches on our team, it's gonna be lit! 917 00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:54,668 You thought we was gonna get to a NFL championship 918 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,253 without these bitches, you're stupid! 919 00:45:56,962 --> 00:45:59,506 Fuck, no, we wasn't. I was arguing with this lady. 920 00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:02,468 She was like, "We could do it... regular cisgendered women... she could..." 921 00:46:02,551 --> 00:46:04,803 Fuck you! No, they couldn't. No, they couldn't. 922 00:46:04,887 --> 00:46:05,888 Let's say, miraculously, 923 00:46:05,971 --> 00:46:08,307 we had some cisgender woman who gets all the way to the NFL. 924 00:46:08,390 --> 00:46:11,226 She's never fucking been touched all her career, right? 925 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:12,978 She's some flat-chested phenom. 926 00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:16,565 That's what she'd have to be to cut through the wind 927 00:46:16,648 --> 00:46:18,901 so no one could get her, she couldn't have no titties. 928 00:46:18,984 --> 00:46:21,987 She's flat-chested, and she just... bam, bam, bam, bam! 929 00:46:22,070 --> 00:46:24,782 Her whole career, wham! "Oh, my God, they can't touch her!" Bam! 930 00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:27,701 Why? 'Cause she aerodynamic 'cause the titties gone. Wham! 931 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,954 Let's say this happens in the fucking world. 932 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,207 She's gonna get to the NFL, she's gonna get tackled once, 933 00:46:33,290 --> 00:46:34,958 and the bitch is gonna die. 934 00:46:37,252 --> 00:46:38,170 Dead. 935 00:46:42,216 --> 00:46:44,927 We need a trans bitch, high-steppin', face-maskin'. 936 00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:48,096 Gettin' the fuck in. 937 00:46:49,264 --> 00:46:51,558 I can't wait. I can't wait to see it. 938 00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:54,520 She gonna be in her Fashion Nova dress, holdin' the trophy over... 939 00:46:54,603 --> 00:46:55,938 "Aaaaah!" 940 00:46:56,021 --> 00:46:56,855 Lit. 941 00:46:57,564 --> 00:47:00,400 Bitch lit. Triple D titties 'cause she's trans and confident. 942 00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:01,652 Titties out to here. 943 00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:06,698 You, ma'am, say you out-- 944 00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:08,992 say you out for a night on the town with all your friends. 945 00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,745 One of your friends is a trans woman. You have the night of your life. 946 00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:14,540 Everyone's pussy's sweaty when you leave the club. One of those nights. 947 00:47:14,623 --> 00:47:16,792 Everyone pussy sweat. Pussy sweat all around. 948 00:47:16,875 --> 00:47:20,295 You've sweated your pussies out dancing. You're like, "This was the night." 949 00:47:21,296 --> 00:47:24,550 You're standin' in front of the club, some gross-ass dude comes up. 950 00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:27,678 He's like, "Ooh, look at you sexy bitches. I love every single one of you. 951 00:47:27,761 --> 00:47:31,431 I would love to put my dick on every single one of you sexy bitches' butts." 952 00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,934 And you're like, "What? How dare you talk to us like that? 953 00:47:34,017 --> 00:47:37,062 You dirty, nasty man. Don't you ever say anything like that to us again." 954 00:47:37,145 --> 00:47:39,648 He's like, "What? You're just a woman. I could break your neck." 955 00:47:39,731 --> 00:47:43,277 And then that bitch come from the back, Boof! "What the fuck you say?" 956 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,404 -Lay that nigga out. -[cheering, applauding] 957 00:47:45,487 --> 00:47:47,656 He's all confused. "I felt dick in that punch. 958 00:47:47,739 --> 00:47:51,410 I didn't see no dicks, but I've been hit by a dick before." 959 00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:56,039 -[laughs] -[woman] Whoo! 960 00:47:57,124 --> 00:47:58,000 [laughs] 961 00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:05,299 There's also just too much to explain to a fucking kid. 962 00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:10,137 I'm gonna have to raise my kid post-Me-Too. 963 00:48:10,220 --> 00:48:13,140 I gotta... walk 'em down this dumbass path, you know? 964 00:48:13,223 --> 00:48:15,642 I gotta be like, "This is what happened, and it was crazy, 965 00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:17,102 but then white women went stupid." 966 00:48:17,185 --> 00:48:18,020 You know? 967 00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:22,149 [laughs] 968 00:48:23,191 --> 00:48:25,903 I was all-- I was Me Too-ed up. I was like, "Get these nasty niggas. 969 00:48:25,986 --> 00:48:28,447 Get 'em off the streets. They got their dicks on everybody. 970 00:48:28,530 --> 00:48:29,615 Get 'em outta here. 971 00:48:30,449 --> 00:48:33,160 I don't like none of that. Get 'em outta here. Get 'em outta here. 972 00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:36,955 Get 'em outta here." And then white women went crazy. 973 00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:40,292 I feel like it just stopped bein' about, like, what was real. 974 00:48:40,375 --> 00:48:42,878 You know, like, there's a part-- there's a two-level conversation. 975 00:48:42,961 --> 00:48:46,298 Yes. All these dudes in power were using their power to manipulate situations 976 00:48:46,381 --> 00:48:48,383 and be terrible to women, a hundred percent. 977 00:48:48,467 --> 00:48:51,219 But in all those situations, women had a choice. 978 00:48:51,803 --> 00:48:55,015 If we never speak to that choice, we are disempowering women. 979 00:48:55,098 --> 00:48:58,310 The most empowering thing is to know even in the dire straits, 980 00:48:58,393 --> 00:48:59,853 you have a choice. 981 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:03,607 You can always choose, and sometimes choosing to say "Fuck you" 982 00:49:03,690 --> 00:49:06,193 -is the most illest choice you can make. -[man] Yo! 983 00:49:06,276 --> 00:49:08,904 -[applauding] -And if we don't pass that down 984 00:49:08,987 --> 00:49:11,907 to young women, then what the fuck are we saying? 985 00:49:11,990 --> 00:49:13,492 It's weird. So I had to stop-- 986 00:49:13,575 --> 00:49:16,286 I was like, "I can't be a part of this shit. This is goofy." 987 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:18,664 I was done with it when it landed on Aziz Ansari. 988 00:49:18,747 --> 00:49:20,707 That's when I was really like, "Fuck this." 989 00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:23,585 When it got to Aziz, I said, "I can't do this anymore. Really?" 990 00:49:23,669 --> 00:49:25,837 And it's not 'cause I'm defendin' Aziz. I wasn't there. 991 00:49:25,921 --> 00:49:28,382 I'm not sayin' he did or didn't. That has nothin' to do with it. 992 00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:31,635 There's not a woman in here who doesn't think she could beat that nigga's ass. 993 00:49:31,718 --> 00:49:34,262 -That's what I'm sayin'. -[cheering, applauding] 994 00:49:34,346 --> 00:49:35,847 That was goofy to me. 995 00:49:37,099 --> 00:49:40,936 The end of that blog should've been, "Then I punched that dumb nigga in the face... 996 00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:43,105 and left his goddamn apartment." 997 00:49:44,272 --> 00:49:46,566 You ain't even got to punch Aziz. Just buck at that nigga. 998 00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:48,735 "Ugh, get the fuck out of here. Goofy!" 999 00:49:51,863 --> 00:49:55,867 We gotta teach girls to fight. I'm not taking a L off a 5′5″ Indian nigga. 1000 00:49:57,619 --> 00:50:00,330 [scoffs] 5′5″ Indian niggas, swing at them! 1001 00:50:01,581 --> 00:50:04,584 I'm not saying Indian niggas are soft, but I ain't never heard this statement. 1002 00:50:04,668 --> 00:50:06,920 "That Indian nigga beat my ass." I ain't never heard that. 1003 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:08,255 [cheering] 1004 00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:10,424 So, I'ma take my goddamn chances. 1005 00:50:18,765 --> 00:50:20,517 I feel the same way about feminism. 1006 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,729 It's like, ugh! I wanna say I'm a feminist, but white women... 1007 00:50:23,812 --> 00:50:25,814 -[woman] Yeah! -[laughing, applauding] 1008 00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:27,107 [woman] Whoo! 1009 00:50:27,190 --> 00:50:29,735 Y'all make it so hard to get along with shit! 1010 00:50:32,904 --> 00:50:36,366 'Cause white women act like they're-- like it's a brand of feminism, 1011 00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:38,243 and it's theirs and that's the most dominant. 1012 00:50:38,326 --> 00:50:40,454 They act like they're about all women, but you're not. 1013 00:50:40,537 --> 00:50:42,914 You're only about white women. And that's fine. 1014 00:50:43,331 --> 00:50:44,624 You can't be about all women, 1015 00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:46,835 you haven't taken the time to figure out all women need. 1016 00:50:46,918 --> 00:50:48,336 You just know your white women needs 1017 00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:50,422 and assume if we fix your shit, it'll trickle down. 1018 00:50:50,505 --> 00:50:53,008 -It's like, no, bitch! -[laughing, applauding] 1019 00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:57,387 And I'm not mad at white women being agenda-driven. Be about your shit. 1020 00:50:57,471 --> 00:51:00,515 Be about your shit. But don't mask it as a cause. Just be real. 1021 00:51:00,599 --> 00:51:03,268 -Be like a Jehovah's Witness. -[applauding] 1022 00:51:03,351 --> 00:51:04,811 Come knockin' on my door on a Sunday, 1023 00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:06,980 like, "Are you ready for white women's return?" 1024 00:51:07,064 --> 00:51:08,774 [cheering, applauding] 1025 00:51:08,857 --> 00:51:10,484 "Well, I got somethin' you should read." 1026 00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:12,360 [woman] Whoo! 1027 00:51:13,153 --> 00:51:15,197 Plus, if you want me to get behind feminism, 1028 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,199 start with somethin' that's gonna galvanize women. 1029 00:51:17,282 --> 00:51:19,493 Start with somethin' that's really gonna change some shit. 1030 00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:21,495 Start with teachin' women how to pee standin' up. 1031 00:51:21,578 --> 00:51:23,955 -How come we not doin' that shit yet? -[woman] Whoo! 1032 00:51:24,039 --> 00:51:26,500 It's 2020! How come we still peein' hobbled over 1033 00:51:26,583 --> 00:51:28,710 like dogs and toddlers and shit? 1034 00:51:28,794 --> 00:51:30,087 Fuckin' grown women! 1035 00:51:30,712 --> 00:51:33,131 We should be peeing upright like men. Know what? We can do it. 1036 00:51:33,215 --> 00:51:35,467 And you know how I know? I fuckin' did it. 1037 00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:38,637 I got tired of this shit one day. I stood over the toilet, 1038 00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:41,973 I spread my pussy lips, I perked my hole up, and that bitch went straight. 1039 00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:44,768 -And I was like, "Holy shit!" -[cheering, applauding] 1040 00:51:44,851 --> 00:51:46,394 [gasping] 1041 00:51:46,478 --> 00:51:49,272 "I could've been doin' this the whole fuckin' time?" 1042 00:51:50,482 --> 00:51:53,110 -[woman] Whoo! -"How did I not know this shit?" 1043 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:56,905 I'll tell you why I didn't know. 'Cause of how women are taught to pee. 1044 00:51:56,988 --> 00:52:01,243 How we're taught to pee is fucked up. It's trash. Especially in public. 1045 00:52:01,326 --> 00:52:03,995 You know how we're taught to pee? "Pull the pussy out! Put it away! 1046 00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:06,957 Get out the bathroom, the rapist is coming. Move, move, move! 1047 00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,334 You ain't got time to hang out in here, bitch. Go!" 1048 00:52:11,503 --> 00:52:14,089 Meanwhile, as soon as dudes see their dicks, they're stretchin' 'em, 1049 00:52:14,172 --> 00:52:15,715 wrappin' 'em around they leg, 1050 00:52:16,216 --> 00:52:18,635 puttin' them in they butt, seein' how far they snap back, 1051 00:52:18,718 --> 00:52:19,719 figurin' shit out. 1052 00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,266 There's a grown woman in here. 1053 00:52:24,349 --> 00:52:26,935 Grown as fuck, 35-plus, and every time she pee in public, 1054 00:52:27,018 --> 00:52:29,187 a little pee go down her leg, and into her shoe. 1055 00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:31,439 -Grown! -[laughing] 1056 00:52:32,190 --> 00:52:35,152 -She just laughed back there. Grown! -[applauding] 1057 00:52:36,027 --> 00:52:40,323 Piss in her shoe. Every time. Confused. "Why does this keep happenin'?" 1058 00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:42,868 I'll tell you why, goofy. 1059 00:52:43,285 --> 00:52:46,204 'Cause you walk around all day, shit is movin' around down there. 1060 00:52:46,288 --> 00:52:48,707 You're too scared to touch anything, you whip it out and piss, 1061 00:52:48,790 --> 00:52:51,168 and now you got piss in your right shoe, you clown! 1062 00:52:51,251 --> 00:52:53,670 Meanwhile, dudes have been standin' upright for centuries, 1063 00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:55,422 spellin' their names in the snow! 1064 00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,593 And you're walkin' around with piss in your shoe, and you want equal fuckin' pay. 1065 00:52:59,676 --> 00:53:01,386 -Shut up! -[applauding] 1066 00:53:04,639 --> 00:53:07,100 Even when you go into the men's bathroom, it's different, bro. 1067 00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,686 They free in there. I go in there sometimes. I get away with it. 1068 00:53:11,062 --> 00:53:12,898 They free in that motherfucker. They don't care. 1069 00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:14,399 They got little games in the urinal, 1070 00:53:14,482 --> 00:53:16,401 they be peein' on ice and shit, movin' it around. 1071 00:53:17,194 --> 00:53:18,195 Fuckin' around. 1072 00:53:20,113 --> 00:53:22,490 Dicks out, talkin' wage gap, changin' the world. 1073 00:53:24,534 --> 00:53:27,704 Even the stall where they shit, sometimes, it don't have a door. 1074 00:53:28,371 --> 00:53:30,498 There's no door on the stall. Why? Because they free. 1075 00:53:30,582 --> 00:53:33,293 They're like, "Shit happens back here, and if you don't wanna see shit, 1076 00:53:33,376 --> 00:53:34,628 don't be in this goddamn corner. 1077 00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:36,504 I don't need a door. 1078 00:53:36,588 --> 00:53:39,716 Just don't come back here if you don't wanna look at nobody shittin', you fool." 1079 00:53:42,010 --> 00:53:44,638 Meanwhile, in women's bathrooms, we're hobbled in closets, 1080 00:53:44,721 --> 00:53:45,805 you know what I mean? 1081 00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:49,684 Can't even move around. I got tired of this shit one day. I cracked the door. 1082 00:53:49,768 --> 00:53:52,270 I said, "I'm not takin' this shit anymore. It's too tight in here. 1083 00:53:52,354 --> 00:53:54,439 I'm peeing with the door cracked. I can't take it." 1084 00:53:54,522 --> 00:53:57,692 And then this woman walked in, she swung the door open. 1085 00:53:57,776 --> 00:54:00,320 'Cause of course, she assumed the stall was free. That was natural. 1086 00:54:00,403 --> 00:54:03,323 What was unnatural is she saw me, she screamed, 1087 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:05,367 as if we both don't have pussies 1088 00:54:05,450 --> 00:54:07,452 and we both don't know what goes on in the bathroom, 1089 00:54:07,535 --> 00:54:08,995 and she tried to jam the door closed. 1090 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:11,998 But I held that bitch open. I said, "Mm-mm, baby girl. Don't do that. 1091 00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:18,463 Make eye contact with me. This is the revolution right here." 1092 00:54:24,010 --> 00:54:28,098 My girl talked about kids a lot... while we was traveling. 1093 00:54:28,181 --> 00:54:29,432 That was pissing me off. 1094 00:54:29,808 --> 00:54:31,851 'Cause we was just travelin', being free lesbians. 1095 00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:33,895 We was just bumpin' pussies. You know? 1096 00:54:34,479 --> 00:54:37,190 Just bumpin' pussies, not worried about none of the rules. 1097 00:54:37,691 --> 00:54:41,653 She kept bringin' this fucking corny heteronormative shit into my life. 1098 00:54:41,736 --> 00:54:43,446 "Don't you want kids? Kids? 1099 00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:46,491 Wouldn't this be so much better if we were experiencing this with kids?" 1100 00:54:46,574 --> 00:54:50,996 "Bitch, no! No, it wouldn't be better. I don't want fucking kids. Shut up. 1101 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:55,041 Shut up. I don't know, maybe I'll do it, but not..." Mm! 1102 00:54:55,583 --> 00:54:57,794 Mm, I got a lot of nephews. I'm all right. 1103 00:54:58,962 --> 00:54:59,879 You know? 1104 00:55:00,338 --> 00:55:03,550 I don't fucking... Plus, when I do have a kid, I'ma buy a Asian baby. 1105 00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,010 I already have a plan. 1106 00:55:06,511 --> 00:55:09,222 I'm buyin' a dope-ass Asian baby. I already know what I'm doin'. 1107 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:10,932 Give this motherfucker a Mohawk. 1108 00:55:11,474 --> 00:55:13,476 Take him dippin' and trippin', you know? 1109 00:55:14,019 --> 00:55:17,564 'Cause, like, kids cost money when you a fuckin' gay person. 1110 00:55:17,647 --> 00:55:20,608 When somethin' costs money, you know what costs the most, 1111 00:55:20,692 --> 00:55:21,693 and I need to stunt. 1112 00:55:23,445 --> 00:55:25,864 I need to pull up with my Asian baby, hop out in that foreign-- 1113 00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:27,699 "What up, nigga? Look at this." 1114 00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:31,411 [chuckles] 1115 00:55:31,494 --> 00:55:34,581 Take him to the park, shit on my frenemies, you know what I mean? 1116 00:55:34,664 --> 00:55:37,375 I can't wait. I can't wait to wheel this little nigga round the park. 1117 00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:39,627 "Oh, hey, Karen, you adopted, too? 1118 00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:41,379 Where's your baby from? 1119 00:55:41,921 --> 00:55:43,965 Honduras? Broke bitch! 1120 00:55:44,966 --> 00:55:47,510 Get that broke-bitch baby outta here, Karen. 1121 00:55:49,095 --> 00:55:52,223 This motherfucker right here? He's from Thailand. 1122 00:55:53,391 --> 00:55:55,226 Matter of fact, he might be a she. 1123 00:55:55,310 --> 00:55:57,520 Take three months to figure that out, bitch." 1124 00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:02,359 [laughs] 1125 00:56:05,695 --> 00:56:08,490 A fucking kid... Maybe I'll do it. I don't know. I probably will, 1126 00:56:08,573 --> 00:56:10,784 'cause she wants one, and who cares, right? 1127 00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:15,747 Eventually, "Just fuckin' fine. Have one. Whatever." 1128 00:56:15,830 --> 00:56:19,042 Plus, I don't know, you need 'em. They represent you when... You know. 1129 00:56:19,125 --> 00:56:21,336 You make 'em so they can be like, "That nigga was here." 1130 00:56:21,419 --> 00:56:22,420 You know? 1131 00:56:23,588 --> 00:56:26,466 You die, you hope your kid's still alive to be like, "They were a person." 1132 00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:27,926 You know, just represent you. 1133 00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:29,636 I will do-- I don't know. 1134 00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,847 I just think I'ma be bad at the shit, you know? Nobody's good. 1135 00:56:33,306 --> 00:56:34,391 Every parent sucks. 1136 00:56:34,474 --> 00:56:36,976 If you're out here and you're parenting, you're trash. 1137 00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,521 No one does it right. Everyone fucks their kids up. 1138 00:56:39,604 --> 00:56:41,689 Everyone makes a fucked-up, fucked-up kid. 1139 00:56:41,773 --> 00:56:44,776 Everyone's doin' a little bit to fuckin' damage the child. 1140 00:56:44,859 --> 00:56:46,611 'Cause you were damaged, so how could you not, 1141 00:56:46,694 --> 00:56:48,988 how could you not pass on the damage that was given to you? 1142 00:56:49,072 --> 00:56:51,282 It's just impossible. But you just keep enough of it. 1143 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:54,619 Like, "I could really fuck you up, but I'm only fucking you up a little, 'cause... 1144 00:56:55,203 --> 00:56:58,206 there's a lot that could go wrong, 'cause I'm really fucked up." 1145 00:56:58,289 --> 00:57:00,458 And you cough what you can, 1146 00:57:01,209 --> 00:57:03,336 but everybody's doin' a shitty job. 1147 00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:07,215 Everybody. The only way you know you're doing an all right job 1148 00:57:07,298 --> 00:57:09,092 is if your kids never tell you you were shitty, 1149 00:57:09,175 --> 00:57:11,928 'cause then they loved you, and you raised compassionate kids. 1150 00:57:12,887 --> 00:57:14,931 If your kids are never like, "Hey, you fucked me up," 1151 00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:17,642 but just like, "You did a great job," then you just raised good kids, 1152 00:57:17,725 --> 00:57:21,020 'cause they don't wanna tell you the truth and hurt your feelings. 1153 00:57:22,355 --> 00:57:25,066 If you got a kid who's 40, still like, "I fuckin' hate you!" 1154 00:57:25,150 --> 00:57:26,359 you did a terrible job. 1155 00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:29,821 That, and if you lose one of them niggas, then-- 1156 00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:33,658 then you really failed. I think about that all the time. 1157 00:57:33,741 --> 00:57:36,119 I don't wanna be one of the ones that lose one of them niggas, 1158 00:57:36,202 --> 00:57:37,996 'cause people be losin' their kids... 1159 00:57:38,746 --> 00:57:41,624 You lose one at a store, bitch, you suck. 1160 00:57:43,168 --> 00:57:44,210 Shit! 1161 00:57:48,756 --> 00:57:49,966 But I know I'll be bad. 1162 00:57:50,049 --> 00:57:53,928 I'ma be bad, 'cause no one-- no one does this shit right. 1163 00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:56,764 Everyone fucks it up a tad. 1164 00:57:57,891 --> 00:57:59,225 No one trusts their parents. 1165 00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:02,312 No one in here fully, a hundred percent trusted their parents, 1166 00:58:02,395 --> 00:58:05,607 'cause you seen your parents do fucked-up shit. 1167 00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:09,903 You've heard 'em have fucked-up arguments, you know? 1168 00:58:10,403 --> 00:58:13,656 You've seen their lives be in shambles when they thought they were keeping you 1169 00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,366 from their lives being in shambles. 1170 00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:17,744 They were trying to have those late-night conversations, 1171 00:58:17,827 --> 00:58:19,913 which is, for a kid, like 10:30 at night. 1172 00:58:21,164 --> 00:58:23,374 That's when parents think it's time to talk for real. 1173 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,170 'Cause they're dumb. It's like, no one's asleep at 10:30, you idiot. 1174 00:58:27,253 --> 00:58:29,714 You're not asleep at 10:30. Everyone's wide awake. 1175 00:58:30,548 --> 00:58:35,094 They're like, "Now's the time to talk about it. Get down to the bottom of shit." 1176 00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:39,057 Everyone's heard their parents yellin' about some bullshit, 1177 00:58:39,140 --> 00:58:40,767 like a $99 cable bill. 1178 00:58:40,850 --> 00:58:44,229 "How are we gonna pay this?" "Your mother sucks!" "What is my house? 1179 00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:47,482 I can't trust anyone in this motherfucker." 1180 00:58:48,233 --> 00:58:50,860 'Cause parents like to present it like they got everything together. 1181 00:58:50,944 --> 00:58:53,780 That's the problem. Don't lie. Stop coming like you got everything-- 1182 00:58:53,863 --> 00:58:56,449 You're not good. Most of you start, 30 when you start. 1183 00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:59,244 I'm 38. If I had a kid at 30, that nigga would be dead. 1184 00:59:00,537 --> 00:59:02,288 You don't know what you're doin'. Be honest. 1185 00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,999 "Hey, I don't know what I'm doin', but I'ma try to keep you alive. 1186 00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:08,253 Sometimes, I'm not gonna be able to, so look out for yourself, little nigga. 1187 00:59:09,295 --> 00:59:11,673 -And let's-- let's rock out." -[cheering] 1188 00:59:11,756 --> 00:59:13,716 -"Let's see if we make it." -[applauding] 1189 00:59:14,926 --> 00:59:16,219 [woman] Whoo! 1190 00:59:16,302 --> 00:59:19,013 But, no, parents, "I got everything under control." 1191 00:59:19,097 --> 00:59:20,557 Fuck you. No, you don't. 1192 00:59:22,934 --> 00:59:25,728 I remember I heard my mom and my dad 1193 00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,398 tryin' to have a fight about my dad usin' crack. 1194 00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,316 And my dad... [laughs] 1195 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:31,526 My dad... 1196 00:59:31,609 --> 00:59:33,945 My mom was tryin' to whisper, you know? 1197 00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:37,031 She was tryin' to have a whisper-fight with the nigga, but you can't whisper 1198 00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:38,241 to a crackhead. 1199 00:59:39,701 --> 00:59:40,952 They're loud as fuck. 1200 00:59:41,995 --> 00:59:44,289 So, my mom's whisperin', and then my dad goes, 1201 00:59:44,372 --> 00:59:46,165 [yells] "Who seen me do the crack?" 1202 00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:49,127 Which means, nigga here did it. 1203 00:59:50,003 --> 00:59:53,339 Now you're just tryin' to identify witnesses. Are they credible? 1204 00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:57,969 Are they not credible? But you fucking did it! 1205 01:00:02,390 --> 01:00:04,183 Now I'ma tell my mom about a problem? 1206 01:00:04,267 --> 01:00:06,811 Bitch, there's whole crack in the house. We got bigger issues! 1207 01:00:09,731 --> 01:00:11,065 [laughs] 1208 01:00:13,234 --> 01:00:16,237 Stranger Things is a whole show about kids not trusting their parents. 1209 01:00:16,321 --> 01:00:19,282 Like, if a Demogorgon's after you, tell your mom! 1210 01:00:19,365 --> 01:00:22,952 These little niggas is like, "All I got is these walkie-talkies and these bikes. 1211 01:00:23,494 --> 01:00:27,624 They're my best friends. 'Cause that bitch can't handle shit." 1212 01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:30,835 [laughs] 1213 01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:36,090 I remember when I was 11, I thought I was gonna be abducted by aliens. 1214 01:00:36,966 --> 01:00:39,135 I did. I was convinced, you know? 1215 01:00:39,218 --> 01:00:41,804 I was like, "Aliens are comin' to get my ass." 1216 01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:45,475 And it's because, when I was 11, I grew up in the '90s. 1217 01:00:45,558 --> 01:00:48,311 If you grew up in the '90s, you know aliens was a big thing. 1218 01:00:48,394 --> 01:00:51,439 It was huge. It was big shit. It was. 1219 01:00:51,522 --> 01:00:54,651 There was Outer Limits, there was X-Files, 1220 01:00:55,109 --> 01:00:58,237 there was Unsolved Mysteries, and then every once in a while, 1221 01:00:58,321 --> 01:01:01,032 the History Channel would just be like, "Did they build the pyramids?" 1222 01:01:01,115 --> 01:01:03,743 And just fuck your head up on a Wednesday night. 1223 01:01:03,826 --> 01:01:07,288 Just throw a whole curveball at your ass. "What? They could've built the pyramids?" 1224 01:01:07,372 --> 01:01:10,208 "Crop circles. Were they here?" "Oh, my God!" 1225 01:01:12,669 --> 01:01:14,295 So I was fuckin' stressed out. 1226 01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:18,424 And I got in the shower one day, and I felt my leg pulsate a little bit. 1227 01:01:18,508 --> 01:01:21,052 I was like, "That's the tracker. That's where them niggas is gon'-- 1228 01:01:22,095 --> 01:01:24,097 That's how they're gonna get your girl." 1229 01:01:25,264 --> 01:01:28,559 So I started doin' karate in my room at night. "Yah! Aah! 1230 01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:31,354 "Waah!" Watchin' Last Dragon and shit. "Eeh! Eeh! Ugh!" 1231 01:01:32,438 --> 01:01:36,150 [laughs] Started sleepin' with a knife and a hammer under my pillow. 1232 01:01:37,652 --> 01:01:40,029 Every night, sleeping with a knife and hammer under my pillow, 1233 01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:41,489 ready for the action, you know? 1234 01:01:41,572 --> 01:01:44,534 I was like, "When they come, stab 'em, bash 'em, stab 'em, bash 'em." 1235 01:01:46,577 --> 01:01:49,038 [laughs] Then, one day, I go in my room. 1236 01:01:49,831 --> 01:01:51,999 [chuckles] My mom's sittin' on my bed. 1237 01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:54,794 She's like, "We need to talk." I'm like, "What's up?" 1238 01:01:54,877 --> 01:01:57,338 And she's like, "Who's hurtin' you?" I was like, "What?" 1239 01:01:58,464 --> 01:02:00,925 She's like, "Tell me right now. Who's coming in here at night 1240 01:02:01,008 --> 01:02:02,135 and doin' something to you?" 1241 01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,721 I was like, "What are you talkin' about?" She's like, "Look at me. 1242 01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:08,474 I don't care if it's your father, I don't care if it's one of your brothers. 1243 01:02:08,558 --> 01:02:12,937 You need to tell me right now, who's doing something to you?" 1244 01:02:13,020 --> 01:02:15,481 Which, what a mom, bro. Word! 1245 01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:19,026 'Cause my mother showed me, "I got your back, no matter fuckin' what." 1246 01:02:19,110 --> 01:02:20,695 [cheering, applauding] 1247 01:02:20,778 --> 01:02:22,238 Like, what a big move. 1248 01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:25,742 'Cause what if it was one of my brothers or my father? 1249 01:02:25,825 --> 01:02:28,494 That's a crazy thing to have to hear as a mother, 1250 01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:31,247 but she was ready to take that shit for me. 1251 01:02:31,330 --> 01:02:32,582 She was like, "Tell me." 1252 01:02:32,957 --> 01:02:34,876 And I looked my mom in the eye, 1253 01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:39,380 and I told her how I was gonna be abducted by aliens. 1254 01:02:39,464 --> 01:02:40,673 [cheering] 1255 01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:42,383 Because I'm a genius. 1256 01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:47,805 And you could see in her eyes that a part of her wished I was bein' molested. 1257 01:02:49,223 --> 01:02:51,642 'Cause that would've been easier to process. 1258 01:02:52,685 --> 01:02:55,438 And if you don't think that fucked me up a little bit... 1259 01:02:55,521 --> 01:02:57,523 Hey, y'all were dope as fuck. Have a good night. 1260 01:02:57,607 --> 01:02:59,609 [cheering, applauding] 1261 01:03:01,819 --> 01:03:03,821 [jazz playing]