1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,400 I need you to dig fucking deep 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,360 and bring me everything you've got 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,560 because every single point will 6 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,560 matter in this game. 7 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,000 Let's get this fucking one in the 8 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,000 first half. Let's put some points on 9 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,480 in the second half. Big effort please gentlemen. 10 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:19,480 Big effort. 11 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,720 Steelers on three. 12 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,440 3, 2, 1. Steelers! 13 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,640 SIMON: Rugby is a really welcoming sport. 14 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,760 It's just that those of us 15 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,960 who are gay 16 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,240 we're still like, we just peering out the door 17 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,080 We're like, are you sure it's safe to come out? 18 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,360 Are you sure? 19 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:50,960 NIC: We pigeonhole people and we 20 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,960 keep on, you know, perpetuating 21 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,920 those cycles of male hegemony that says 22 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,240 that we have to be heterosexual. 23 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,120 We have to act in this way. 24 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,400 This is what a sportsman looks like. 25 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,280 And actually, no. 26 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,440 This is not what a sportsman looks like. 27 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,560 DREW: There's this element of being a rugby player 28 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,440 even as a gay rugby player 29 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,600 that there's a certain masculinity that you need 30 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,160 to maintain. 31 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,080 To me, that's bollocks. 32 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,120 You know, I will be tough and brutal 33 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,240 and kick your arse on the pitch. 34 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,440 When I'm off the pitch 35 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,240 I will be as flagrant 36 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,120 and as flamboyant as I want. 37 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,040 EAMMON: This is me. 38 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,320 Twelve years old. 39 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,360 Joining my first rugby club in Australia. 40 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:24,960 And this is me now. 41 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,040 I'm a reporter and a cameraman 42 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,440 so I'm used to telling stories 43 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,800 but I've never told one 44 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,480 this personal. 45 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,400 For me, this isn't just a story 46 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,840 about being gay. 47 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,720 It's not even a story about playing 48 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:41,720 rugby. 49 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,520 It's a story about struggle, 50 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,960 acceptance 51 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,800 searching for happiness 52 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,480 and finding a place to belong. 53 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,000 Around the time this photo was taken 54 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,320 I guess I started to realise that I was gay 55 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,720 and for me, it was a struggle. 56 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,960 It was also the same time that the 57 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,960 kids at school figured it out. 58 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:08,520 Poofta, faggot, fudge packer. 59 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,640 These were the names I was pretty much called 60 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:12,840 on a daily basis. 61 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,440 The bullying was unrelenting. 62 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,960 That was 20 years ago now, but I can 63 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,920 still remember the shame 64 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:22,760 that I carried on my shoulders. 65 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,560 The fear and the anxiety 66 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,720 that my family would find out. 67 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,440 In fact, this rugby club was the only 68 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,280 place where I wasn't getting bullied. 69 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,960 Here I wasn't the gay kid. 70 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,760 Here, I was the total second-rower 71 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,920 who was good at scoring tries. 72 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,560 It was the mid 90s. 73 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,720 Around that very same time something 74 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,920 was happening on the other side of 75 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,600 the world in London that would 76 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,160 drastically change my life 77 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,160 and the lives of thousands of others. 78 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,280 A group of friends were having a drink in a pub 79 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,920 in London's King's Cross 80 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,600 and they came up with what was 81 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,840 at the time a radical idea 82 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,640 to start the world's first 83 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,040 gay rugby club. 84 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,520 And that's how the Kings Cross Steelers was born. 85 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,080 MATT: You know, the Steelers were the first gay rugby team 86 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,800 in the world. 87 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,920 We've been in this tournament many times. 88 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,240 We've got as far as we have now 89 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,320 but we've never won it. 90 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,600 So to be part of the team that 91 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,600 is the first team from the Steelers 92 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,400 to win the Bingham Cup 93 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,520 would be incredible. 94 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,760 EAMMON: In their first season the 95 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,520 boys were trying to line up fixtures 96 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,840 against straight teams across England. 97 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,760 They sent out 130 invitations. 98 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:34,280 But would you believe only 20 came back. 99 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,240 It was a different world back then. 100 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,720 As for straight rugby players, well, 101 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,800 they were worried about catching HIV on the pitch. 102 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,600 But the boys didn't give up. 103 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,960 And without knowing it 104 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,960 they had started something big. 105 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,800 Flash forward two decades from that single team 106 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,920 there are now 60 gay clubs around the world 107 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,480 and every two years they meet 108 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:04,760 for the Bingham Cup. 109 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,160 And this year it's in Amsterdam. 110 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,280 NIC: We can do this. 111 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,560 But if we do this 112 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,280 it'll be against all the odds. 113 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,640 EAMMON: It's the World Cup of gay rugby 114 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,440 and over the next three days 115 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,360 that's where this story takes place. 116 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,320 NIC: Okay, so listen up. 117 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,040 A couple of things that I want us to 118 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,240 think about now 119 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,000 is that we really switched on and we're a squad. 120 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,080 EAMMON: And even though the Steelers were the first gay rugby club 121 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,400 they've never won this tournament. 122 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,240 And these boys are their biggest competition this week: 123 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,920 The Sydney Convicts. 124 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,080 Player: I could feel their trepidation. 125 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,640 I could feel their eyes like darting from player to player 126 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,240 Thinking: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit ... 127 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,800 I could feel it, you know. 128 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,360 Rob: So it's just putting some pressure on them 129 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,000 and hopefully breaking them down. 130 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,240 But everything is on them. 131 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:58,960 There's no pressure on us whatsoever. 132 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,160 Steelers. Steelers. 133 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,880 NIC: Well, tomorrow we've got the Convicts 134 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,560 and they're pretty much 135 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,160 what this team feel are 136 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,720 one of the main competitors and 137 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:15,920 that's our first game up. 138 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,520 So we have to have our heads on 139 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,520 first thing. 140 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,800 EAMMON: So in this story, there are 141 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,880 three people I want you to meet: 142 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:25,920 Simon 143 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:26,960 Drew 144 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,840 and Nic, the head coach. 145 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:29,880 NIC: When something goes wrong, 146 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,000 you're just going to POG it. 147 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,520 So you're going to 'Play Our Game'. 148 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:33,720 Do you like that? 149 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:34,720 I've thought about that for a while. 150 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,560 EAMMON: Nic's been the Director of Rugby 151 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,280 for 3 years at the Steelers. 152 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,640 NIC: So go and tell that person 153 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,520 about something they did really good 154 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,720 None of this banter about putting 155 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,720 each other down right now, OK? 156 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,600 I have a lot of secret nerves that I 157 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,120 try to keep as far away from the boys. 158 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,080 I feel like I'm there with them. 159 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,720 So I pick up all of those player nerves. 160 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,640 So I get that sicky tummy. 161 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,440 I get all those kind of feelings as 162 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,400 if I'm about to walk on the pitch. 163 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:03,800 EAMMON: And after this tournament, 164 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,360 Nic is stepping down as the head coach. 165 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,480 NIC: That's kind of the end 166 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,080 of my journey, 167 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,720 really, is to watch them play their best. 168 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,760 EAMMON: Bit emotional? 169 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,000 NIC: Yeah. EAMMON: How come? 170 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,840 NIC: Because... 171 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,360 I've been with them for three years. 172 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,000 And some of the boys ... 173 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,040 been on that journey for three years. 174 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,440 And we were rubbish. 175 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:36,280 I mean 176 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,400 we got tonked. 177 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:39,760 We had ... 178 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,520 we, we had 179 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,440 70, 80 points put on us when I first 180 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,560 came to the club 181 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,760 and, um 182 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,560 I've watched players 183 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,560 grow. 184 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,120 So ... 185 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,800 And what I found was 186 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,760 my first year, not so much now, 187 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,160 but in my first year, 188 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,720 I found that I had these really great players 189 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,040 who had a real lack of self belief. 190 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,440 It's like: 191 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,040 'I can be a really confident gay person, 192 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,120 and I can be really confident in the club, 193 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,000 and I can be really confident with my friends, 194 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,320 and I'm a brilliant person in the workplace, 195 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,440 and I'm a super successful businessman. 196 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,040 But on the sport's pitch that doesn't belong to me. 197 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,640 This is not my home. 198 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,280 Can I stop you here? 199 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,000 Every single one of you 200 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,040 have put a 'but' into your conversation. 201 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,040 Cut that out now because 202 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,840 we're here to look at our positives 203 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,200 because actually we want 204 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,920 to work on our really good stuff. 205 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,400 SIMON: If we get that right here 206 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,880 that will take us a long way. 207 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,120 We started to get it going. 208 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,000 Player: Simon? 209 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,880 NIC: So I think I spent my first year really 210 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,680 just confirming 211 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,960 to them that 212 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,400 they do belong 213 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,160 that they're sportsmen, 214 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,400 that they are entitled to their 215 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,160 place on the pitch. 216 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,800 So I feel emotional because 217 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,640 I've seen that growth 218 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,120 in these human beings. 219 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,880 And I love my sport. 220 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,600 And I think it's done so many 221 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,360 brilliant things for me 222 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,160 so to see 223 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,120 it do brilliant things for them 224 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,360 just makes me really happy. 225 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,160 Happy?! 226 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,520 Told you I'd cry, ay? 227 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,960 Getting it out in front of you, not in front 228 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:14,960 of the players. 229 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,200 Kept my cool earlier in 230 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,080 the team talk. 231 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,120 ROB: One last thing. Bingham tradition 232 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,160 for the Steelers. 233 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,120 Get your toes out boys. Toes now a painting. 234 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,640 EAMMON: So before the tournament kicks off 235 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,920 first thing's first. 236 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,680 ROB: No excuses. Blue and green. No excuses. 237 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,120 (upbeat music) 238 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,680 NIC: I would even allow you to do mine. 239 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,880 Awesome. 240 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,120 (laughter) 241 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,880 EAMMON: So I never wore nail polish as a kid 242 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,920 but I loved dressing up in my mom's clothes 243 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,480 and I always wore pink. 244 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,760 So the signs were definitely there. 245 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,960 But the happy kid that I see in these photos 246 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,680 didn't stay happy for long. 247 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,480 So here I am editing this documentary 248 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,280 and I don't have any pictures 249 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,080 to go over the next bit. 250 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,800 One of my first gay experiences 251 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,120 happened when I was 16. 252 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,280 It was with a boy from one of my sports classes 253 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,040 He invited me for a sleepover. 254 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:49,960 We drank. 255 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,960 We ended up messing around. 256 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,600 And without me knowing it 257 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,240 he set up a camera in the corner of the 258 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,520 room and was filming it. 259 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,000 I remember what happened 260 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,000 pretty vividly. 261 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,320 It was a Friday afternoon at school. 262 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,760 I'd just finished class and I was 263 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,640 walking back to the dorm in 264 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,320 my boarding school 265 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,040 and it was like a scene from a movie. 266 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,840 People were looking at me, 267 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,000 whispering, sniggering. 268 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,320 Someone yelled out this boy's surname at me 269 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,560 and was laughing. 270 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,520 The blood started rushing to my face. 271 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,240 My world was spinning. 272 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,320 It was almost like I was floating outside my body 273 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,200 having this kind of out of body experience. 274 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,640 This was the moment I was going to be outed. 275 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,360 I went into the room in my boarding house 276 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,120 and I tried to stay calm. 277 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,520 And finally someone told me what had happened. 278 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,720 This boy had come to school with the videotape 279 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,320 and shown it. 280 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,000 And this was probably one of 281 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,640 the worst moments in my life 282 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,400 being outed at an all boys school. 283 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,600 I was so desperate for help that 284 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,640 I called my dad and said 285 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,840 that we were drunk and messing around. 286 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,000 He went down to the boy's parent's 287 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,360 house and destroyed the tape. 288 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,080 And I'll be forever grateful for him 289 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,160 for doing that. 290 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,800 And we didn't really 291 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,680 talk about whether I was gay or not. 292 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,320 I certainly didn't bring it up. 293 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,680 But the bullying went from bad to worse. 294 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,080 Before I was just surviving 295 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,120 and now I felt like 296 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,600 I was drowning. 297 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:26,800 SIMON: Is the sound working? 298 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,800 Are we ready to go? 299 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,520 We're going to start? Are you rolling? 300 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,280 - Yeah - Oh, we're rolling? 301 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:31,960 Okay. 302 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,040 EAMMON: So Simon is the second person I want you to meet. 303 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,920 Until recently, he played rugby 304 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,600 at a fairly high level in Birmingham 305 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,800 and north London. 306 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,480 But he wasn't out. 307 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,200 SIMON: I was a guy who knew from the 308 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,320 age of about 10 years old that 309 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,840 he was attracted to the same 310 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,760 sex that decided 311 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,440 very early that that was just not a thing. 312 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,400 I just didn't see how I could come out 313 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,920 and still do what I wanted to do. 314 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,080 I didn't really know I was in a struggle 315 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,520 until 316 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,880 Yeah, I decided that, you know, 317 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,960 obviously people settle down 318 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,680 and start getting married and ... 319 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,840 Yeah, I um. 320 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,400 Yeah. 321 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,920 I guess I um ... 322 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,760 I changed my mind and it was 323 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,720 kind of weird, like, to have 324 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,600 this whole life philosophy that had worked. 325 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,840 I was happy. 326 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,760 And I was like, yeah, privately I knew that I was gay 327 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,080 but I was like: I'm going to be the uncle and the 328 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,640 best friend and the son. 329 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,120 And I don't need a relationship. 330 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,480 And it's weird. I used to look at -- 331 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:44,560 sounds so childlike, but because 332 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,800 this view was formed when I was a kid. 333 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,560 We got a black labrador when I was 12 334 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,880 and I used to always say 335 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,600 Rolo doesn't need a partner, 336 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,960 like he's happy just bouncing around 337 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,000 and goes for a walk in the park. 338 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,000 So I always say, 339 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,400 I based my life decisions around 340 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,720 the black labrador family pet, 341 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:03,520 right? 342 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,800 Which is strange. 343 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,640 EAMMON: Two years ago, Simon realised it was time 344 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,920 to be his true self. 345 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,320 SIMON: When I went through the process of trying to 346 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,440 you know, deciding I wanted to come out as gay 347 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,440 I was shocked by 348 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,040 how much 349 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,040 there was built in. 350 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,040 And it was. 351 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,920 It was ... obviously a lot of it was in me 352 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,520 that I didn't know, you know. 353 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,120 Trying to think ... telling my little brother ... it was 354 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,640 we went for a walk up and down the river 355 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,240 My little brother is the most welcoming guy. 356 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,360 There's no way he's gonna have a problem with it. 357 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,800 I really struggled. 358 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,240 And we were walked up and down 359 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,240 up and down. 360 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,480 I walk like one more walk, one more walk, one more walk. 361 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,480 And 362 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,080 I just couldn't say the words. 363 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,200 And I was ahhh. 364 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,800 Even though at this point 365 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,080 I'm thinking he must know what I'm about to say, right? 366 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,960 But he wouldn't do it for me. 367 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,880 In the end after about literally an hour and a half 368 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,920 I said Tom, I said you've 369 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,720 you've got a gay brother and it's not Dave, 370 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,520 that's all I could say, our older brother. 371 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,440 And he was, yeah. 372 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,280 He said I'm really 373 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,160 I'm really happy because 374 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,800 he recognised that wasn't the start. 375 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:27,960 That was the 376 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:28,920 I guess the um 377 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,960 culmination of a lot of thinking 378 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,160 over the previous 12 or 18 months. 379 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:34,920 EAMMON: But as Simon took his first 380 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,040 steps out of the closet, he tripped. 381 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,960 He'd fallen in love with a childhood friend 382 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,080 a straight guy, who we'll call Jack. 383 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,560 Jack said some things that he 384 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,120 probably didn't think about how it 385 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,760 would impact SIMON 386 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,400 and they cut very deep. 387 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,480 EAMMON : Did that lead to the other sort of stuff 388 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,160 like the depression? 389 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,280 Or feed into it at least? 390 00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,280 SIMON: Yeah. 391 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,600 Yeah, definitely. 392 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,920 EAMMON: Simon's being very worried 393 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,280 about this part of the documentary 394 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,600 because he doesn't want to blame 395 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,360 Jack. 396 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,880 He understands it was a difficult 397 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,480 situation for both of them. 398 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,400 Jack was brought up to believe that 399 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,880 being gay was unnatural and wrong. 400 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,080 But nonetheless, his words had 401 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,360 a very big impact. 402 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,280 SIMON: Then ... 403 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:27,680 I ... 404 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,080 I found, I found ... um ... 405 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,920 I found the road from there a lot 406 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,880 harder than I expected. 407 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,800 ALEX: This week is a special 408 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,200 time for our club. 409 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,480 We've got six teams. 410 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,480 We are the biggest component of this tournament. 411 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,800 We're going to go out and give it 412 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,400 our absolute best. 413 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,960 NIC: And I just want to say 414 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,880 just love every moment that you're on the pitch. 415 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,040 And then Sunday night, just go wild. 416 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,360 (group cheers) 417 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,760 NIC: So we got a sixth place last time 418 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,360 And I believe with the set 419 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,560 of players that we have and the team 420 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,120 that we have 421 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,360 that we're in with a chance 422 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,560 to actually come away with a win. 423 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:27,960 Stop no pictures, no pictures. 424 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,280 ROB: This is where it starts. First game. 425 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,440 NIC: There's a few players that the nerves are 426 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,920 overtaking them a little bit. 427 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,600 But I'm trying to keep them 428 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,000 keep them nice and low. 429 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:48,960 Keep them calm. 430 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,200 Nerves? 431 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,320 Should be buzzing. 432 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,800 Good nerves. They're good nerves. 433 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,160 ALEX: So starting line up. 434 00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,960 Drew McDowell at loose head prop. 435 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,280 NIC: I think they're all worrying 436 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,280 because this is their main competition. 437 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,160 So if they keep everything really positive 438 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,880 they'll focus on their strengths and 439 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,880 not let the kind of, um ... 440 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,960 that kind of voice 441 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:13,960 talk them down. 442 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:18,920 EAMMON: So game one. 443 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,200 The Sydney Convicts. 444 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,640 The Steelers need to win 3 of their first 4 round games 445 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,040 to make it to the semi-finals. 446 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,520 And this is set to be the toughest. 447 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,320 ROB: We are used to pressured games. 448 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:34,880 We are used to fucking contact. 449 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,720 EAMMON: The Steelers score first with a penalty goal. 450 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,880 But then the Convicts take the lead 451 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,120 with one try and then another. 452 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,400 Half time, we're down and points 453 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,480 and down a man with concussion. 454 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,280 ALEX: 20 minutes we've got here. PLAYER: We've done this before. 455 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,760 We've done this before and we're going to do it again! 456 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,560 You absolutely how it in you! 457 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,680 You've got more in that tank! More to give! 458 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:36,680 C'mon on! 459 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,960 EAMMON: Final score ... Sydney Convicts - 12 460 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,560 Kings Cross Steelers - 3. 461 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,360 NIC: I'm going to say one thing. 462 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,280 That shit show at the end 463 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,640 is not Steeler's way. 464 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:52,960 And if I see that one more time, 465 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,960 you're off the game, you're off the tournament 466 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,680 because you're not playing in my fucking team. 467 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:57,640 Okay? 468 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,280 I'm not having that bullshit. 469 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,960 We're at a tournament 470 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,000 with a brotherhood here. 471 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:03,960 Not having it. 472 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:04,960 Full stop. 473 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,920 Last word on that - number one. 474 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,000 Number two ... 475 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,960 we didn't trust our structure for about 18 minutes, okay? 476 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,280 We need to do what we're really good at, okay? 477 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,080 What we are really good at. 478 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,040 So we're going to learn from that. 479 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,680 We're gonna step up from that 480 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,280 because I'm disappointed 481 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,760 you're disappointed 482 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,600 and there's plenty more in the tank. 483 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:30,600 OK? 484 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,120 NIC: I think that I 485 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,040 probably give out 486 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,360 this really fearsome (laughs) 487 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,160 I would say I'm probably a fierce 488 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,320 female. 489 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,400 And so I might 490 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,560 just slightly terrify 491 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,440 a couple of people. 492 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,000 And that's OK, because 493 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,320 I kind of quite like that fierce 494 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,640 female part. 495 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,680 But those people that 496 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,480 spend time trying to get to know me 497 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,760 realise actually 498 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,120 I'm a bit of a pussy cat. 499 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,880 NIC: You are a fantastic team. 500 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,680 Believe in your structure. 501 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,200 Believe in the way that we play 502 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,920 rugby the Steelers way. 503 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,800 SIMON: We decided just before kick off 504 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:14,920 we're going to throw the first game 505 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,880 so we can stay undercover 506 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,520 so these boys think that they got us 507 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,960 but they haven't. 508 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,320 Nah, they came at us 509 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:23,560 with a lot of physicality. 510 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,760 DREW: But I think if we keep building on through 511 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,280 tournament, each game, 512 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,920 keep working through our structures, 513 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,640 we'll see Convicts in the final and 514 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,160 then get a second chance at it. 515 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,880 PLAYER: Beaten by my old team. 516 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,120 So that's never a good thing. 517 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,840 Put some good play together in the second half and hopefully we can 518 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,520 come up against them in the final. 519 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:47,840 Fuck! 520 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,520 EAMMON: So while the players recover, 521 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,120 NIC snuck away to play a quick game herself. 522 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:53,960 The last time she wore rugby boots, 523 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,840 she was playing for Wales. 524 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,400 NIC: I think I've gone a bit crazy 525 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,320 and decided to come out of retirement. 526 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,240 - How many years? - Six years. 527 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,960 - So who are you playing for and what position? 528 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,480 - I'm not sure. We're just playing 10s. 529 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,400 I'm playing where ever I'm put. 530 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,320 - Oh God! Is it a big deal for you? - No, well, yeah maybe. 531 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,200 - Good luck. - We'll see. 532 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,400 EAMMON: So how does a gay woman 533 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,320 come to coach a gay men's rugby club? 534 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,320 NIC: Okay, so Gilbert Evans ... 535 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,520 born, bred Caerphilly. 536 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,600 Played rugby, football and cricket. 537 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,520 Refereed in later life. 538 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,800 Treasurer of Caerphilly Rugby Club. 539 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,240 Hugely disappointed that I was a girl 540 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,520 and told me so in no uncertain terms when I was about 12 541 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,160 and I was the only grandchild 542 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,160 so he was stuck with me at that point. 543 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,960 My brother and sister came along a bit later on. 544 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,400 And informed me that in his disappointment 545 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,240 that he'd have to put up with it 546 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,760 and that he's decided to pretend 547 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,320 that I am a boy on a Saturday afternoon. 548 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:11,360 So I got my first season ticket to Cardiff Rugby Club 549 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:14,800 aged twelve when I went to senior school. 550 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,120 From the age of 12, my grandfather took me. 551 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,000 I was allowed to swear once we got through the stalls. 552 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,160 But as soon as we got through the turnstiles on the way out, 553 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,640 no more swearing. 554 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,840 And he stood by my side 555 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:30,840 for 556 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,560 seven years and 557 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,280 taught me the referee's perspective, 558 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,200 taught me the fullback's perspective, 559 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,800 the ten's perspective, 560 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,240 and just talked me through the rugby match. 561 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,960 He taught me why that penalty happened, 562 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,040 what was happening in that ruck, 563 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,880 why was that scrum pulled down. 564 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,880 And he just ... 565 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,000 he loved sharing that knowledge with me. 566 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,480 And we had just this connection. 567 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,840 So age 17, 568 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,520 I got my first car 569 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,280 and literally the first thing I did 570 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,160 was drive on a Tuesday night down to rugby. 571 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,920 So this game that I knew 572 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,720 inside out 573 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,400 I'd never played. 574 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,480 So possibly one of the most exciting nights of my life. 575 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,360 And at the time, I was about eight stone 576 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,440 so a little bit smaller. 577 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,800 And I played on the wing 578 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,000 and I just I thought this is the best thing in the world. 579 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,000 So 580 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,000 I played at university. 581 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,160 Then I went off to the university 582 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,680 and I got into the university team 583 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,200 I came home at Christmas 584 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,320 and my grandfather said to me, 585 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,080 "Ah, I'm just so ashamed of myself" 586 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,680 And I said why grandad? And he was like, 587 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,640 "Oh, your grandmother's got it in for me, it's all my fault." 588 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:52,720 I said, what's happened? 589 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,920 "You're going to get breast cancer." 590 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,400 I'm like what do you mean I'm going to get breast cancer? 591 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,360 He's like, "Well, all those tackling. 592 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,800 Is there anything you can have, like chest pads?" 593 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,640 I'm like, I'm not going to get breast cancer 594 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,640 from rugby. 595 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:07,880 He's like, "Yeah but you're going to 596 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,200 take all those hits to your breasts." 597 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,920 I'm like, you really do not need to be worrying 598 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:12,960 about my breasts. 599 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,200 My breasts are all good. 600 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,600 And he's like, "And your teeth. 601 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,120 You've got such nice teeth." 602 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,160 So was he was super disappointed. 603 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,840 And he blamed himself for my 604 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,360 love of rugby. 605 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,360 So 606 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:33,400 he had a major stroke as I went to university. 607 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,040 And he spent the rest of his life, 608 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,760 twelve years, in a nursing home. 609 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:39,760 So 610 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,440 my first Six Nations playing for Wales -- 611 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,760 and I cried then too by the way. 612 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,960 I'm a cryer -- 613 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,600 And I line up against Ireland 614 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,000 and I look up 615 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,360 and my nan is there, and she's only four foot ten. 616 00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:58,840 So there's this tiny little woman, 617 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,320 with this massive scarf and a big wolly hat 618 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,720 watching me, waving at me. 619 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:04,720 And 620 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,960 she come up to me at the end of the game 621 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,400 and she's like, "Your grandfather 622 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,240 would have been just so proud of you right now. 623 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,880 He never said it 624 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:15,880 because he was always a bit frightened 625 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,680 you were going to get hurt, 626 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,760 but he'd be really proud of you." 627 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,640 So, he never got to see me play. 628 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:24,640 But 629 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,840 he's always with me 630 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,120 on the pitch, near the pitch. 631 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,240 So ... hence the reason 632 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,920 why I'm a rugby obsessed. 633 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,520 EAMMON: Do you think you feel him here 634 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,360 here with you this week? 635 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,720 NIC: Yes, and I think ... 636 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:01,800 he was immensely proud of all my achievements. 637 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,120 Anything that I did. 638 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:04,960 He would drive me anywhere. 639 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:09,400 He would fuel that passion. 640 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,560 So I think 641 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,600 for him to know 642 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,000 that so many years on 643 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,560 that he still fuels my passion. 644 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:23,560 I think ... that's pretty special, isn't it? 645 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,720 DREW: I told you not to kill anyone. 646 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:39,800 NIC: I didn't. 647 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,840 I was nice. I played nice Evans. 648 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,320 COACH: You love a bit of constant infringing don't you? 649 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,640 In at the side, clobbering that bird. 650 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,400 - Still go it. Could've been a contender. - I wish. 651 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,120 EAMMON: You got so close at the end. 652 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,080 - My God. That was so good. - Ahhh! I should've scored. 653 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,160 - NIC, how was that? - Horrendous. 654 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,960 I can remember why I retired now. 655 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,120 Oh well. 656 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:10,160 - But worth doing? - Yeah it was really nice to play in the Bingham Cup. 657 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,480 So, know what the boys feel like. 658 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:13,800 - What did it feel like? 659 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:15,960 Um really nervous. 660 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,240 First game in a long time. 661 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:18,480 Felt really nervous. 662 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,360 I just thought I'd mess it up for everybody. 663 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,000 - But you played awesome. 664 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,560 I didn't do very much. 665 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,480 It's good to get a few hits in. 666 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:30,880 - Thanks NIC. 667 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,480 EAMMON: Is your gran still alive? 668 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,200 NIC: Ahh, Yeah. 669 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,800 EAMMON: Do you think you call her after 670 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,600 and let her know how you go this week? 671 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,280 NIC: She's in hospital. 672 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,640 But she asks me about my boys. 673 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,560 So I tell her that I coach the gay men's rugby team 674 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,200 and she loves that. 675 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,120 She's like, oh, that's funny. 676 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,440 And I think I think she really loves that 677 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:06,840 because she always talks about the fact 678 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,440 that life was so different in her era. 679 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:12,920 I think 680 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,920 she loves the fact 681 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,680 that our society 682 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:21,240 now embrace gay people 683 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,600 and we're able to have these amazing things 684 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:24,800 like the Bingham Cup. 685 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,760 We're able to safely walk the streets of Amsterdam 686 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,720 and we're able to celebrate 687 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,040 our own sporting lives. 688 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,360 And I feel that's what Bingham is. 689 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,160 It's a celebration of gay sporting lives. 690 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:07,240 So I noticed that 691 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,280 I didn't have an American flag in our tent. 692 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:10,960 So I brought this 693 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,840 and then this is the Man of the Day award. 694 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,800 It's normally a skirt 695 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,520 but it would have been sacrilegious 696 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,200 to cover the flag. 697 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:22,480 EAMMON: what did you think of the guy 698 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,400 with the Spangled Banner Speedo. 699 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,880 CHRIS: Oh right. Ummm... 700 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,960 Yes that was quite an interesting outfit. 701 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,280 I wonder he'll wear to the closing party. 702 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:34,920 CASPAR: Oh you're wondering? 703 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:36,640 I don't want this. 704 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,000 Get this camera off. 705 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,840 My focus first and foremost is on the rugby. 706 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:41,800 - Yeah, exactly. 707 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,280 - But second... 708 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:44,160 EAMMON: speaking of which ... 709 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,880 time for the next game 710 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,320 the Emerald Warriors from Dublin. 711 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,040 NIC: We're going to go out there and play lots of attacking rugby 712 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:53,200 right from the off. 713 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,760 There's no taking anything for granted. 714 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:56,760 Just as many points. 715 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,840 Be my top pain in the arse today. 716 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,760 EAMMON: 73 - 0 to the Steelers. 717 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,320 They're back in the competition 718 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,120 and need just two more wins 719 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,360 if they have a chance of going all the way. 720 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,600 NIC: Thought you were fabulous. 721 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,280 Get some food on board as soon as possible. 722 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,040 PLAYER: Don't worry about that Nic. 723 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,680 Got some down here. 724 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,000 ROB: Louis, as you're a PE teacher 725 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,200 you can fucking launder the shirts. 726 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:17,560 So shirts off. 727 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,280 And also, last thing for me. 728 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,080 Where is he? Congratulations. 729 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:22,240 You scored more tries in this tournament 730 00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:23,440 than your boyfriend. 731 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:24,400 ALL: AYYY! 732 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:29,800 EAMMON: Well, remember I said 733 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,680 there are three people I want you to meet? 734 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,520 Well, it's kind of four. 735 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,320 Drew and Drewalicious. 736 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,280 DREW: I think Drag just came along 737 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,880 as a bit of a fluke. 738 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,680 EAMMON: So, yes, apparently joining a gay rugby club 739 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,840 can turn you into a drag queen. 740 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,680 So Drew used to be in charge of 741 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,240 social events at the club 742 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,080 and one night before a big game 743 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,240 when they couldn't drink alcohol 744 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,120 he decided to swap the spirits for stilettos. 745 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,880 DREW: I was smaller than I am now, 746 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,000 but I was still quite stocky. 747 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,080 So to see three quite stocky rugby players 748 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,640 in heels and makeup doing a dance. 749 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:25,840 No one was expecting it. 750 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,680 So they were just absolutely floored. 751 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,800 And then I realised in that moment 752 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:35,320 I got to do multiple things that I love doing. 753 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,200 I got to dance. 754 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,040 I got to perform. 755 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,360 And I got to play a character. 756 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,440 I've created a persona as a drag queen 757 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:50,120 that is probably an extension of myself, 758 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,280 but just a very wild 759 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,560 and very kind of exaggerated sense. 760 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:55,720 And I was like, 761 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,920 how can I make this actually last 762 00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,760 as long as possible? 763 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,000 Because I kind of love it. 764 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,080 I love being centre of attention. 765 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:04,960 Everyone knows I love being centre of attention. 766 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:07,960 And I think it's partly because I like making people laugh. 767 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:09,720 I like seeing people smile. 768 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,720 EAMMON: The Devalicious drag show 769 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,440 was so successful 770 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,040 that the club decided to put on a public event 771 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:23,840 and make it a fundraiser. 772 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,160 DREW: And I was like oh, 773 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,840 I'm possibly going to get nervous again. 774 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,760 And then the first song came on, 775 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:40,120 which was the first routine that we did in Manchester. 776 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,640 As soon as we got on stage, 777 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,960 I was like, no, no, 778 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:45,680 I love this. 779 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,360 Seeing 600 people just looking at me 780 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,480 owning the stage. 781 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,800 I was like, this is something I love. 782 00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,400 I kind of soaked it up 783 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:00,840 and then I got off stage 784 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:02,400 and it was like I don't want to leave 785 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:03,720 and then I realised I don't have to 786 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:05,320 because I have four other acts. 787 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,560 So it's perfect! 788 00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,280 EAMMON: And now it's turned 789 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:13,840 into an annual event 790 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,080 at the famous Heaven nightclub in London. 791 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,520 And there's even a spinoff. 792 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,560 Steeler's Drag Race. 793 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,080 Yep, these are all rugby players. 794 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,200 And they take it very seriously. 795 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,520 There's a reading challenge 796 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,480 which is kind of like a roast 797 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,080 A Lip-Sync for your life. 798 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,480 And of course, a Lip-Sync, for your legacy 799 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,160 to crown the winner. 800 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,280 The winner is 'Anya Knees'. 801 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,000 DREW: We had some pushback, 802 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:45,840 especially when we did Heaven 803 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,440 and we did a lot of photoshoots and promotion ... 804 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,240 being drag queens in the locker room 805 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:53,320 with other rugby players 806 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:57,520 and creating that image of butch queens 807 00:38:58,360 --> 00:38:59,640 in drag 808 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,600 and butch queens out of drag. 809 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,840 And some of our previous members 810 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,720 didn't really appreciate that 811 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:11,400 because they thought we were feeding into that gay stereotype 812 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,040 that gay men are only sissies. 813 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:16,880 Or only want to play dress up 814 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,800 in girl's clothes when actually 815 00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,360 they looked at it the wrong way. 816 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,400 We were actually welcoming and promoting 817 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,280 and kind of congratulating people 818 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,160 who are their own people 819 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,040 that they can be rugby players 820 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:32,520 that they can be drag queens 821 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:33,720 they can be whatever they want. 822 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:37,520 And that's not something to really look down upon. 823 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,080 That's actually something to embrace 824 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,080 and say that's fine. 825 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,040 EAMMON: Day two and the Steelers are still in with a chance 826 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,040 if they win their next two games. 827 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,680 And just thinking about what Drew was saying 828 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,160 about embracing who you are 829 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,880 and sometimes the hardest person to convince 830 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,000 is yourself. 831 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,680 SIMON: I'm thinking I'm about to talk about ... 832 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,640 I guess because it's relevant ... 833 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,560 depression ... you know? 834 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:14,560 which 835 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:20,080 I'm not like ... 836 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,240 You want to be kind of proud, don't you right? 837 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,240 You told me you were filming and stuff 838 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:30,200 and do I want, like, a documentary about ... 839 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,560 where I'm talking about my depression. 840 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:33,680 Not really. 841 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:35,600 But it is part ... 842 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,440 It is part of the ... 843 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,960 It is part of the story. 844 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:45,200 EAMMON: Simon grew up in Birmingham, 845 00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,800 an industrial city 846 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,360 and not the easiest of places to come out. 847 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:50,880 After moving to London 848 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,040 he eventually started telling his friends 849 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,720 and their support was mostly overwhelming. 850 00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:58,400 But the situation with his childhood friend Jack 851 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,240 hadn't improved. 852 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,960 Simon got himself into a muddle 853 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,840 and pulled away from everything he loved, 854 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,400 including rugby, 855 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,720 and he almost quit the sport he loved to altogether. 856 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,920 But then searching the internet, one day 857 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,000 he stumbled across the Steelers 858 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,720 and he decided to give it a go. 859 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,280 SIMON: There was a couple of weeks while I was training ... 860 00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:22,920 I wasn't even at work. 861 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,600 I was off work, sick, 862 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,000 lying on the floor most of the day. 863 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,360 Could hardly get out of the flat 864 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,960 and then just be waiting 865 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:32,400 for six o'clock to come 866 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,480 and I could get my boots on 867 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,440 and get out to play rugby. 868 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,400 And that's how it was for the first couple months. 869 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,640 But it did ... 870 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:46,960 it made me smile, you know 871 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,840 and I was so quiet when I started. 872 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,480 I was like ... people were like 'oh' 873 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:51,480 People now ... 874 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:52,640 cause they were like ... 875 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:53,800 they look back ... and they were like 876 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:54,720 you were quiet when you started 877 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:55,880 I was always really quiet. 878 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,240 I was just there to play rugby 879 00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:58,560 and just experience it. 880 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,920 Also I was excited because I knew 881 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,280 that it was a turning moment. 882 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,320 Rugby ... 883 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,080 It sounds like it's a bloody religion 884 00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:13,080 when I say it this way 885 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,080 but I'd started to question rugby 886 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:17,120 which is nuts 887 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,600 because I played rugby since I was seven years old. 888 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:25,560 When I got to the rugby club 889 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,360 and it was bringing out all the best of me 890 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:29,480 but I was still depressed 891 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,000 I was lying on the floor, you know? 892 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,440 I'd then used up my entire deck of cards, right? 893 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,560 And this is where I think 894 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,680 I finally realised that I was ... 895 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,440 you know, would be diagnosed with depression, was ... 896 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,120 I had my rugby back. 897 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,840 I had everything on paper was then fine again 898 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,640 but I was still feeling really low. 899 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,400 So, um... 900 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:57,800 Yeah, I remember. It was weird. 901 00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:58,440 I was ... 902 00:42:58,440 --> 00:42:59,720 Bit of a theme. 903 00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,040 I was lying on the floor in the flat 904 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,960 and my friend kept ringing me and saying, 905 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,200 "Have you called the doctor?" 906 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,960 And I was like, yeah, I'll do it in ten minutes. 907 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,120 I'll do it in ten minutes. 908 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,000 It was the middle of the day. 909 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,200 I wasn't at work and he's like phoning me up. 910 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,360 And he goes, "I found the number that you need to dial, 911 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,640 you need to dial this number, just dial it." 912 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:15,480 And he sent it to me. 913 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:16,560 And I'm like okay, I'm on going to dial it. 914 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,160 Ten minutes later, "Have you dialed it?" 915 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,320 No, no ... 916 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,480 I will be forever grateful for that guy 917 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:24,640 because he phoned the number in the end 918 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,640 he got me the appointment for the next day 919 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:30,040 and he said, "Get yourself to the doctors," 920 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,920 and I felt this like weight lifted. 921 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,320 I told him how I'd been feeling 922 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,400 for the last 18 months prior. 923 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,720 And he said, "It's a shame that you've come to me now." 924 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:45,520 "You've definitely been depressed." 925 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,840 By that point, I was just ready. Tell me what to do?! 926 00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,640 And it'd spent 18 months saying 927 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,920 no anti-depressants - none of that stuff. 928 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,400 I started on a course of antidepressants then. 929 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,560 The psychiatrist said to me 930 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,360 "Once you've got through that first month, 931 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,760 you're gonna be chatting to people in the lift 932 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:10,840 and on the bus," 933 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,920 and I was like no mate you have no idea. 934 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,240 I'm not going be talking to people in the lift. 935 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,360 And I'll never forget, three months later 936 00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:21,120 going into work, "hey, how's it going?" 937 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:24,840 Then I caught myself ... oh, it's that thing. 938 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,240 SIMON: How are you feeling Jono? 939 00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:29,680 JONO: I had a wank this morning so I feel great. No, no ... 940 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,160 - No, how you feeling about the game? - Ah ... yeah ... you know. 941 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,280 - How many Bingham's you played? 942 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:39,600 - 4th Bingham mate. 943 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:47,080 SIMON: So I now advocate anti-depressants. 944 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,360 I mean, it's weird now I'm talking about it 945 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:50,600 it feels fine. 946 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:55,520 I've tried to do my best best to tell people. 947 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,080 I don't see anything wrong with it 948 00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,720 and eventually I hope to get off them. 949 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:02,880 Obviously I had a happy life 950 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,160 up until a couple of years ago, so ... 951 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:06,480 Should be okay. 952 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,600 EAMMON: I didn't realise how many scars I had 953 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,120 until after I left school 954 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,200 got away from the bullying 955 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,040 came out and everyone was accepting. 956 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,240 But I still didn't feel happy. 957 00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:33,840 Like Simon, 958 00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:35,360 like so many gay people 959 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,440 despite putting on a smile, I was depressed. 960 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:39,480 There were many days 961 00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,120 where I couldn't get out of bed. 962 00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,280 I graduated law school and got a great job. 963 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:47,040 But during work sometimes 964 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,640 I would just burst into tears 965 00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,840 for no reason. 966 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:50,920 I couldn't handle it. 967 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:51,720 So I quit. 968 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:55,040 And I started working at a TV station where a friend worked 969 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,120 and eventually got a job as a reporter. 970 00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,400 And I thought, great. 971 00:45:58,400 --> 00:45:59,360 My dream job. 972 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,400 Finally, I'll be happy. 973 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:05,240 But still, suicidal thoughts kept knocking on the door. 974 00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,320 and more than once I even wrote 975 00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:08,720 a goodbye note. 976 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:10,600 And the only thing stopping me 977 00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:12,000 was the devastation 978 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,600 that it would cause my family. 979 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,920 Again, like Simon, I started taking anti-depressants 980 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:24,280 and when it levelled me out 981 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:25,600 I finally realised 982 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,120 that I needed to stop trying to do things 983 00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,240 that I thought would make other people like me. 984 00:46:31,240 --> 00:46:33,600 So I quit my job again. 985 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,320 I packed up my life. 986 00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:36,720 And I moved to London. 987 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,080 And that's where I found the Steelers. 988 00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,600 NIC: As a team, we need more from you. 989 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,080 OK? hold yourself to really high standards. 990 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,080 EAMMON: So just two games left 991 00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,560 until the semi-finals. 992 00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,800 Next up, the Manchester Village Spartans. 993 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,480 So these two teams share a rich history. 994 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,000 In fact, in '98, three years after the Steelers formed, 995 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,840 the Spartans became the world's 996 00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,720 second gay rugby team. 997 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,200 And a year on, they held a history making rugby match 998 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,120 between two gay teams. 999 00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,160 The world was slowly becoming more 1000 00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:23,720 accepting of gay people, 1001 00:47:23,720 --> 00:47:26,000 and these two clubs were doing their bit, 1002 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,960 one game of rugby at a time. 1003 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,040 And there were a few surprises. 1004 00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:32,920 First, it was a surprise to many of the straight teams 1005 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,960 that a gay team could actually be quite good. 1006 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,520 And second, it was a surprise, 1007 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,160 well, at least to the Steelers, 1008 00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,280 that they didn't experience much, 1009 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,080 if any, homophobia on the pitch. 1010 00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,440 So starting with London's King's Cross Steelers, 1011 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:55,720 with the Manchester Village Spartans 1012 00:47:55,720 --> 00:47:56,800 coming next ... 1013 00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,080 a movement was beginning. 1014 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:01,640 Teams from around the world were forming. 1015 00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:02,760 From Washington 1016 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,200 to Wellington, San Francisco. 1017 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,560 And from those humble beginnings, 1018 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,960 there are now 60 gay clubs around the world 1019 00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,200 with more than two thousand 1020 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:14,680 queer rugby players. 1021 00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,960 And for me, this is what makes it so special. 1022 00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,120 Everyone here, every player 1023 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,600 has gone through that same struggle 1024 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:31,760 realising they're different 1025 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:33,680 and coming to terms with it. 1026 00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:40,800 Take Matt, for example. 1027 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,880 He's from a devout religious family in Ireland 1028 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,720 and he was working on a missionary ship in Asia 1029 00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:48,640 and texting a guy who was helping him 1030 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,600 come to terms with his sexuality 1031 00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:52,800 when he accidently messaged 1032 00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,800 the entire conversation 1033 00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:56,720 to his congregation. 1034 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,000 They wanted him to go to counselling 1035 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,640 and stand up in front of the entire ship and confess. 1036 00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,880 But Matt refused. 1037 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:11,400 And if being outed in this way 1038 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,240 wasn't bad enough 1039 00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:15,800 they then kicked him off the boat at the next port 1040 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,720 without a cent to his name 1041 00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:20,600 alone, to find his own way home. 1042 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,680 In this moment, on this pitch 1043 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,240 to this team, he is nothing 1044 00:49:32,240 --> 00:49:33,680 but a champion. 1045 00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,200 And that's something that everyone 1046 00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:37,560 deserves to feel. 1047 00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,720 Final score, Steelers - 52 1048 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:15,920 the Spartans nil. 1049 00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,000 So two wins, one loss 1050 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,040 and only one game to go 1051 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,640 until the knockouts. 1052 00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:22,960 MATT: I was trying to step 1053 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,600 but my hamstring kept kind of tugging. 1054 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:27,760 So I just just started pushing people 1055 00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,080 and it was like the slowest try ever. 1056 00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,440 But we got there. 1057 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,160 NIC: Push out. Three seconds. 1058 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,800 3, 2, 1. 1059 00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:38,240 SAM: Feeling really good ... it's um ... 1060 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,200 the spirits definitely picked up. 1061 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,040 It's nice to be back on a winning streak 1062 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:45,080 after the first game. 1063 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,120 Miles: So how many shots have we got at this? 1064 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,840 SAM: He's not a trained actor. 1065 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,920 EAMMON: So now for a bit of downtime. 1066 00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,160 Take one. 1067 00:50:58,160 --> 00:50:59,120 MILES: You good to go? 1068 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:04,680 - Hey Sam, you look like you've been through the wars man. 1069 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,960 - Yeah. I think I'm gonna be full mummy 1070 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,200 by the end of tomorrow. 1071 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,120 - One more? 1072 00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:11,120 - Do it again. 1073 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,640 - I can't do this. 1074 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:24,080 - You ever had a nice massage boy?! 1075 00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,360 MORGAN: I'm just gonna stretch, sorry. 1076 00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:31,880 - Guys, guys. 1077 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:33,880 - No, bend and snap. 1078 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:35,800 EAMMON: Take two. 1079 00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:37,640 - Hey Sam, you look like you've been through the wars. 1080 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,480 - Um, yeah. I think I'm going to be a full mummy. 1081 00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,160 JONO: Miles always chatting shit, ay? 1082 00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,400 - Don't ever offend me again. 1083 00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,560 - Guys, you know you boy's filming here? 1084 00:51:58,280 --> 00:51:59,760 SIMON: Yeah that's why we're here. 1085 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:06,200 - Oh you're happy now? 1086 00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:13,280 EAMMON: And ... take three. 1087 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,520 - Hey Sam how are you feeling? 1088 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,280 You look like you've been through the wars. 1089 00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:17,680 - Yeah. I think I'm going to be a full mummy 1090 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:18,680 by the end of tomorrow. 1091 00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:20,800 - We good? 1092 00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:22,920 - So terrible! So terrible! 1093 00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:24,080 Sounds so staged. 1094 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:25,640 EAMMON: Yeah. 1095 00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:28,000 So inside a little less acting, 1096 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:29,680 a little more relaxing. 1097 00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:35,280 DREW: Sorry. Just trying to zone out for a little while. 1098 00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:36,920 EAMMON: Feeling alright? How you feeling? 1099 00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:37,920 DREW: I'm feeling fine. 1100 00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:41,040 Just trying to, like, chill. 1101 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,160 I know it's going to be a big boy game. 1102 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,600 So my body will definitely hurt afterwards. 1103 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,920 MORGAN: Yeah it will girl. Yeah it will. 1104 00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:53,640 NIC: Feeling a bit nervous. 1105 00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:57,080 I think our backs are up against the wall, really. 1106 00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:58,960 We've had quite a few injuries 1107 00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:02,760 and a few people are hanging on by a hamstring. 1108 00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:03,960 I think their confidence 1109 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,440 is a thin veil 1110 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:08,600 under a lot of worrying 1111 00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,160 and lack of self belief. 1112 00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,280 EAMMON: The San Diego Armada next. 1113 00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,160 If we beat them, we'make it 1114 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:17,360 to the semi-final. 1115 00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:56,920 Try after try, 1116 00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,360 the Steelers continue their winning streak. 1117 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:01,120 So now after this match, 1118 00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,680 they're top four in the world. 1119 00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,760 Through to the semi-finals. 1120 00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,720 NIC: The reason why we got to this position right now 1121 00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:18,320 is because you chose to take the game 1122 00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:19,200 to them. 1123 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,000 You chose to play 1124 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,000 our game. 1125 00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:24,000 EAMMON: And as fate would have it, 1126 00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:25,640 our opponent for the semi-final 1127 00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:27,520 is our biggest rival. 1128 00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,680 The team that beat us in the first game. 1129 00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,360 The Sydney Convicts. 1130 00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:32,560 SIMON: Personal apology from me 1131 00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:33,680 for being quite negative in the second half. 1132 00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,200 I'll sought it out for the next game. 1133 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:36,600 DREW: proud of you all. 1134 00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:37,200 Keep going. 1135 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:40,800 NIC: Now I'm asking you for more, OK? 1136 00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,680 I'm asking you for more. OK? 1137 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:43,880 Play your game. OK? 1138 00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,080 Play our game. 1139 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:46,080 Brilliant. 1140 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:52,160 ROB: Get your hands in. Get your hands in. 1141 00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:56,080 3, 2, 1, Steelers! 1142 00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:57,080 NIC: Yeah don't ask Jono. 1143 00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:02,680 SIMON D: Broke my shoe. 1144 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:04,520 Looks like we're gonna 1145 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:05,880 come up against Convicts again. 1146 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:07,800 They only beat us 12-3 1147 00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,080 and I'm pretty sure they only put a lot more points 1148 00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,080 on other people. 1149 00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:12,360 We know the game they're going to play. 1150 00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:13,280 It's going to be aggressive. 1151 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,600 So we just need to be up ahead of that this time. 1152 00:55:18,240 --> 00:55:20,240 EAMMON: How exciting. Top 4! 1153 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:23,880 CASPAR: Very exciting. That was the goal we set ourselves. 1154 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:27,280 I would say anything now 1155 00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:28,640 is just a cherry on top. 1156 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:29,840 But we want more. 1157 00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:31,680 ROB: That is disgusting. 1158 00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:32,680 Don't film. 1159 00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:35,520 No one wants to see this! 1160 00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,120 MILES: Switch it off. Switch it off. 1161 00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:38,120 Switch it off. 1162 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:49,760 DREW: It's a bit shit 1163 00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:51,640 we're playing against the Convicts again. 1164 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,240 But I guess we have to play them again anyway. 1165 00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:56,760 I can see your religion. 1166 00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:00,760 STEVE: What have you got against my waist? 1167 00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,080 SIMON: I'm fine. I was shouting at the referees 1168 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:05,280 and I said I wouldn't do that. 1169 00:56:06,240 --> 00:56:07,880 I was shouting at them bad. 1170 00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:09,880 I actually know that guy's sister. 1171 00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:12,160 And I met him just then 1172 00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:14,040 for the first time on the pitch. 1173 00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,480 That was supposed to be my personal goal. 1174 00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:19,280 So not too good. 1175 00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:20,800 I'm going to try and find him 1176 00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,680 and apologise and start a blank sheet tomorrow. 1177 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:25,640 EAMMON: Mate, you said you were 1178 00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:26,520 a bit down this morning 1179 00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:27,880 but I see that big smile. 1180 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,480 JONO: He's a lot better on camera than me. 1181 00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,160 - Yeah I was ... rugby helps, hey. 1182 00:56:35,720 --> 00:56:37,080 Yeah, no. I'm good. 1183 00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:40,080 SIMON: You know, one of the hardest ... 1184 00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:43,280 moments definitely in my life so far 1185 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,880 was recovering myself from depression. 1186 00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:48,960 Feeling like myself again. 1187 00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,400 I remember probably just the moment 1188 00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,280 I was thinking, oh, I'm feeling myself again. 1189 00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:56,000 It was week. I think I had a week of that. 1190 00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,240 And then ... 1191 00:56:57,240 --> 00:57:00,120 I was actually doing counselling at the time 1192 00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:04,320 and I'd done my 15th out of 16 sessions 1193 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,480 and we'd gone all the way through. 1194 00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:08,560 And I'd learnt so much about myself, you know. 1195 00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,600 And I just had to write a letter or something 1196 00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,200 to summarise this is what I've learnt. 1197 00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:14,720 And I was feeling like, wrap it up and put it away. 1198 00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,560 Yeah, it was a sad week. 1199 00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:23,200 My dad was ... 1200 00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:24,360 became ill. 1201 00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:26,720 You know, he'd had a tumour in his bowel 1202 00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:30,280 for the best part of two years, they think. 1203 00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,840 He was in surgery on Monday 1204 00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,320 for about seven or eight hours, 1205 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,840 and we were sat there. 1206 00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:40,160 And the weirdest thing, right. 1207 00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,720 My, my sister's heavily pregnant 1208 00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:45,320 and 1209 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,600 oh she came over to try and see Dad 1210 00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:49,640 and see if he's out of his operation. 1211 00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:50,840 And she just whispered in my ear. 1212 00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:53,960 She said, "My waters have broken." 1213 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:56,200 And I was like, what? 1214 00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,680 And she said "Yeah." 1215 00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:58,920 And I was like where? 1216 00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:00,440 She's like "No, no, it's calm." 1217 00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,000 "It is a trickle," she said. 1218 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,960 Sorry for that. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1219 00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:06,240 That's not good for film. 1220 00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,400 Her water broke while my dad was in the operation. 1221 00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:12,400 Then my mum got in the lift. 1222 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,080 I was doing my work in the corridor 1223 00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:19,040 and I got a message from my sister's partner 1224 00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:22,040 saying Isabelle Florence Wise Jones 1225 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,760 has just been born. 1226 00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:27,160 I fucking threw the laptop down, 1227 00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:29,560 ran to the stairs, 1228 00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,720 ran down the stairs, and by the time 1229 00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,800 I got the two flights of stairs down 1230 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:38,040 my mom was there in tears sobbing. 1231 00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:40,800 EAMMON: Simon's dad survived the surgery 1232 00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:43,040 and Simon flew straight here. 1233 00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,120 SIMON: Yeah, here we are. 1234 00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,320 It's kind of weird. 1235 00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:47,360 It's kind of weird, right? 1236 00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:49,760 They've seen how much this season 1237 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:50,600 has meant to me. 1238 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,600 So I think it would be nice to 1239 00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,320 take a picture on Sunday afternoon 1240 00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:58,760 and then send them 1241 00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:00,920 send them a picture of us with our ... 1242 00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:02,400 with our trophy 1243 00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:04,440 That would be cool. 1244 00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:11,960 SIMON: I want to kind of ... 1245 00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:15,600 I wanna win it, right? 1246 00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,880 I mean, we're not allowed to say that 1247 00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:19,360 because it's every game 1248 00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:19,960 it's every game. 1249 00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:23,160 But I want to win this rugby tournament. 1250 00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:25,560 And I want to contribute ... 1251 00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,040 I want to contribute to that. 1252 00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:30,960 I want ... I want to be 1253 00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:32,400 a big part of that. 1254 00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:55,960 EAMMON: I know that feeling. 1255 00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:57,400 Wanting to contribute. 1256 00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,000 Wanting to be a big part of something. 1257 01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:02,320 Wanting to belong. 1258 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:17,920 EAMMON: I remember my first training session with the Steelers. 1259 01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:20,040 I was overweight and unfit. 1260 01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,640 And we warmed up running around the oval 1261 01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:24,360 and I was about a lap behind everyone. 1262 01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,280 I didn't want to give up, though 1263 01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,960 to embarrass myself in front of everyone. 1264 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:30,800 And as I was coming around 1265 01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:33,400 finishing the last lap, the whole club 1266 01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,440 was standing there clapping, 1267 01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:36,600 cheering me on. 1268 01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,360 Something like that 1269 01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:40,520 had never happened to me before. 1270 01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:41,920 And I remember my first game. 1271 01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,640 I was so nervous. 1272 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,440 But it all started coming back to me 1273 01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:46,920 from when I was 12. 1274 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:48,440 I broke through and I scored 1275 01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:49,880 the most tries of the match. 1276 01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:51,400 And afterward at the pub 1277 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:53,240 people were patting me on the back 1278 01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,560 coming up to me, congratulating me, 1279 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:57,080 wanting to get to know me. 1280 01:00:57,080 --> 01:00:59,160 And I remember thinking 1281 01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:00,640 this was one of the best days 1282 01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:02,320 of my life. 1283 01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:14,200 EAMMON: Day three. 1284 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:18,520 Up next, the semi-final against the Sydney Convicts. 1285 01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,360 MATT: So annoying because they got that wee skinny winger. 1286 01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:23,640 CHRIS: How are the wingers? 1287 01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:26,400 - He does not look 40, but he's 40. 1288 01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:30,960 and he's just really lanky and skinny. 1289 01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:31,960 DREW: I think he's like the first 1290 01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:33,720 daddy twink I've ever met. 1291 01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:36,080 - No, I mean, he's like the definition of a twink as well. 1292 01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:36,760 But he's 40. 1293 01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:37,560 - Daddy. 1294 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:38,560 - Yeah, it's crazy. 1295 01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:41,000 - A twink daddy? 1296 01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,520 - Twonk? He's not a Twonk. 1297 01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:44,320 - Twatty? 1298 01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,120 ALL: He's a Twitty! 1299 01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:50,880 - Might want to throw up. 1300 01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,040 - Oh, really? 1301 01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:54,040 - Couldn't eat. 1302 01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:56,560 I had to like force down my banana. 1303 01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:58,040 - Did you sleep okay? 1304 01:01:58,040 --> 01:01:59,040 - Somewhat. 1305 01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:01,720 - All my thoughts, all my dreams 1306 01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:05,320 were all rugby, specifically this game. 1307 01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:07,880 But it's good. It's good. 1308 01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:12,440 - I had a dream that one of them 1309 01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,800 booted me in in the head 1310 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,640 and then I just went feral. 1311 01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,080 - All my dreams were related to 1312 01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:19,920 fighting people as well. 1313 01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:24,800 EAMMON: So if you go by points, 1314 01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,120 these two teams are the strongest 1315 01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:28,040 in the tournament. 1316 01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:30,240 And it's unfortunate that they're meeting again 1317 01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:31,680 in the semi-finals. 1318 01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,360 Whoever wins this will surely go on 1319 01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:36,320 to win the entire competition. 1320 01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:40,040 DREW: Kind of our time to redeem ourselves 1321 01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,960 and show them that we can actually beat them. 1322 01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:44,000 It's a beatable game. 1323 01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:46,600 EAMMON: what would that mean to you? 1324 01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:49,400 DREW: Mean fucking the world to me. 1325 01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:52,880 World to everybody actually, all of us. 1326 01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:56,960 EAMMON: And how are you feeling about yourself? 1327 01:03:09,560 --> 01:03:11,640 SIMON: I don't at this moment. I don't know, mate. 1328 01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:13,800 You know when you're unsure? 1329 01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:15,400 I'll let you know after the game. 1330 01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,920 We are in... we are in with a shot. 1331 01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:20,920 A good shot. 1332 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,040 EAMMON: How are the kind of nerves 1333 01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:27,120 because you spoke about how you get very nervous. 1334 01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:30,560 NIC: Not bad yet it's always just 10 minutes beforehand. 1335 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:33,520 I feel calm. Feeling relaxed. 1336 01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:36,080 I'm really excited. 1337 01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,520 I'm genuinely excited. 1338 01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:40,680 I think for me, the bigger the game the better. 1339 01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,240 NIC: In some ways, I felt like 1340 01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:57,800 maybe Steelers would have been 1341 01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,400 one of the only clubs 1342 01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:02,520 to have given me the opportunity 1343 01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:04,480 to be Director of Rugby. 1344 01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:05,480 So 1345 01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:07,840 and I'm really sad 1346 01:04:07,840 --> 01:04:08,840 that that's the case. 1347 01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:10,920 And I'm really sad that even now, 1348 01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:13,520 we went to Elford Wanderers in the Cup final in Essex 1349 01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:18,960 and one of the dignitaries from the league 1350 01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:20,960 went straight up to Alex and spoke to Alex. 1351 01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:22,600 And I was like, actually this is our 1352 01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:23,600 Director of Rugby. 1353 01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,600 So I feel like I'm still needed to be 1354 01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:27,000 validated by men. 1355 01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:31,200 I've been the physio. 1356 01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:32,360 I've been the water girl. 1357 01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:37,880 The referee often doesn't recognise me 1358 01:04:37,880 --> 01:04:39,600 so will go straight to Alex 1359 01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:41,720 because obviously he's in charge. 1360 01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:42,720 So 1361 01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:45,760 I feel those daily struggles. 1362 01:04:46,120 --> 01:04:47,600 And I don't think the players see it 1363 01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:50,360 because they've gone past seeing me as a female 1364 01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,160 and they just see me as the coach. 1365 01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:53,640 So for them 1366 01:04:54,520 --> 01:04:57,120 my gender is invisible to them. 1367 01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:59,200 I'm just Nic. 1368 01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:02,200 But for me, it's always ... 1369 01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,920 it's always sitting there with me. 1370 01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:06,640 So I always feel judged. 1371 01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:08,600 I always feel that 1372 01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:11,240 I have to do a better job than other people 1373 01:05:11,240 --> 01:05:12,800 to be able to say 1374 01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:15,320 I'm okay as a coach. 1375 01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:22,960 ALEX: So starting 15 for the semi-final 1376 01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:24,880 against the Sydney Convicts is 1377 01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:27,320 Drew McDowell at lose head. 1378 01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:31,640 NIC: I don't think results 1379 01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,480 validate who I am 1380 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,320 I think the relationship I have 1381 01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:39,120 with majority of the players 1382 01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:40,720 in the whole club 1383 01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,720 validates who I am as a coach. 1384 01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,840 I feel like I'm appreciated as a coach 1385 01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:47,000 throughout the club 1386 01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,920 not just in the first team. 1387 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,720 But I want that to happen 1388 01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:52,960 in the outside world. 1389 01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:53,840 So 1390 01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:56,520 I think if 1391 01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:59,240 if we won the Bingham Cup 1392 01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:02,800 I could go home 1393 01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:04,040 and I could say 1394 01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:05,280 that I have the best ... 1395 01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,760 I have coached the best gay team 1396 01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:08,760 in the world. 1397 01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:11,720 And I think 1398 01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:14,320 yeah, I'd feel pretty proud of that. 1399 01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:16,640 EAMMON: that's beautiful. 1400 01:06:43,960 --> 01:06:47,320 NIC: Aggression. Brutality. Communication. 1401 01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:49,280 Give me A, B, C. 1402 01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:50,920 That's all I want from you 1403 01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:51,880 for 40 minutes. 1404 01:06:52,160 --> 01:06:53,680 ABC. Aggression. 1405 01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:55,360 Brutality at the contact. 1406 01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:57,280 Communication with each other. 1407 01:06:57,520 --> 01:06:59,840 You can focus on that as you walk down. 1408 01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:01,000 Those three things. 1409 01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,800 Nothing changes here. 1410 01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:04,960 PLAYER: This is what it feels like! 1411 01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:06,920 This is what it smells like! 1412 01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:09,840 Here we go Steelers! 1413 01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:16,160 This is our game! This is our tournament! 1414 01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:34,160 PLAYER: We have made promises to ourselves! 1415 01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:36,360 We have made promises to each other! 1416 01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:38,960 And today we fucking deliver on those promises! 1417 01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:11,320 EAMMON: Here we are. Face to face 1418 01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,080 with our toughest competition. 1419 01:08:13,080 --> 01:08:15,880 The biggest thing standing between us 1420 01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:17,760 and the Bingham Cup. 1421 01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:23,080 It's another brutal game. 1422 01:08:24,720 --> 01:08:26,040 But we push them back. 1423 01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:28,600 And then the ball goes loose over our try line. 1424 01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:29,880 The Convicts pick it up. 1425 01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:32,000 But we rip it from them 1426 01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:33,400 and score the first try. 1427 01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:45,600 The Convicts fight back. 1428 01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:46,960 But we stumble. 1429 01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:49,920 And you can see just how much this means 1430 01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:52,400 to each and every one of us. 1431 01:08:57,680 --> 01:09:00,760 Half time comes and we manage to hold the lead. 1432 01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:01,760 CAPTAIN: Keep that in your head. 1433 01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:03,320 Do not think this is done. 1434 01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:04,680 PLAYER: We are getting tired now. 1435 01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:05,800 ALEX: Blast them away. 1436 01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:07,040 There is more to come. 1437 01:09:07,040 --> 01:09:08,520 More to come for you guys 1438 01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:09,520 in the next 20 minutes. 1439 01:09:09,640 --> 01:09:11,560 ALL: 3, 2, 1, Steelers! 1440 01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,560 EAMMON: The Convicts score. 1441 01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,640 And they score again. 1442 01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:43,240 Our boys play their hearts out. 1443 01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:47,320 But it's not enough. 1444 01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:48,600 Full time. 1445 01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:50,320 And the Kings Cross Steelers 1446 01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:53,360 are knocked out of the Bingham Cup. 1447 01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:53,000 EAMMON: are you proud of what you've done 1448 01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,040 for the club? 1449 01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:56,880 NIC: No. 1450 01:10:56,880 --> 01:10:57,880 I think 1451 01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,320 I would have liked to have given them 1452 01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:03,280 the Binghma Cup as the final hurrah. 1453 01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:05,960 They deserved that. 1454 01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:08,520 The boys deserved that 1455 01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,400 the amount of work they put in. 1456 01:11:11,880 --> 01:11:13,640 And you know, I feel 1457 01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:15,480 really connected to the boys 1458 01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,240 to the team, to the squad 1459 01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:20,040 as individuals. 1460 01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:21,880 And I felt 1461 01:11:21,880 --> 01:11:23,240 that they deserved that place 1462 01:11:23,240 --> 01:11:24,480 in that final. 1463 01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,320 And in terms of their ability 1464 01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:28,720 they were in that game. 1465 01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:30,320 That game was for winning. 1466 01:11:33,440 --> 01:11:34,440 PLAYER: The game is done. 1467 01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:36,200 There is nothing that we can do 1468 01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:37,320 to fix anything. 1469 01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:39,840 So now is not the time for recriminations. 1470 01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:40,960 What the moment is now 1471 01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:43,120 is for the fucking pride we should take 1472 01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:44,600 in the performance that we put in. 1473 01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:46,960 Not just today, but on the first day 1474 01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:47,960 and on the second day. 1475 01:11:47,960 --> 01:11:50,120 And for the whole of the fucking season. 1476 01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:51,400 The work rate 1477 01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:53,720 the effort you boys put in for me today 1478 01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:55,120 was fucking outstanding. 1479 01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:57,080 You hold your heads high. 1480 01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,800 You can have your fucking cry 1481 01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:00,480 when you have your cry. 1482 01:12:00,480 --> 01:12:02,200 But for the next fucking day, 1483 01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:03,720 I want your heads held high. 1484 01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:05,520 Be proud of the good things 1485 01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:07,560 that you've done on this tour. 1486 01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:09,840 You remember those fucking good things. 1487 01:12:12,880 --> 01:12:14,800 We said we'd slap each other on the back 1488 01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:16,840 for the good things that we've done. 1489 01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:18,520 Make sure you go to somebody, 1490 01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:20,000 anybody and say 1491 01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:21,880 one fucking good thing, guys. 1492 01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:34,440 SIMON: I definitely did myself proud 1493 01:12:34,440 --> 01:12:35,800 and also I'll learn from some of the things 1494 01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:37,560 that I could do better. 1495 01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:38,520 So it's great. 1496 01:12:38,520 --> 01:12:39,360 And I'm going home and my dad's 1497 01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:40,920 going to be at the hospital in a couple of days 1498 01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:42,240 and my sister's got a baby. 1499 01:12:42,240 --> 01:12:43,920 And we got to the semi-final 1500 01:12:43,920 --> 01:12:45,240 of the Bingham Cup. 1501 01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:48,160 Finish with that yeah? 1502 01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:09,920 EAMMON: You did the club proud, mate. 1503 01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:11,560 You had an undefeated season 1504 01:13:11,560 --> 01:13:13,960 and you're top four in Bingham. 1505 01:13:13,960 --> 01:13:15,320 I think you did the club 1506 01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:16,720 bloody proud. 1507 01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:19,360 ROB: Yeah. I hope this year goes down 1508 01:13:19,360 --> 01:13:20,360 in a bit of Steelers history. 1509 01:13:21,840 --> 01:13:24,160 NIC: I think it's really selfish 1510 01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:27,120 because for me it's my ending. 1511 01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:31,040 And I wanted that fairy tale princess ending. 1512 01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:33,120 EAMMON: It's a bit selfish, too, 1513 01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:34,880 because I wanted that same 1514 01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:37,880 fairy tale ending for this documentary. 1515 01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:40,280 I wanted it to be our boys on that podium. 1516 01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:43,400 But actually, if you think about it 1517 01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:44,880 that's not how life goes. 1518 01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:46,680 More often than not, it doesn't turn out 1519 01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:48,080 how you want. 1520 01:13:48,080 --> 01:13:50,560 But that's where the opportunity lies. 1521 01:13:55,160 --> 01:13:56,920 Three weeks ago, I got a concussion 1522 01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:58,240 that ruled me out from playing 1523 01:13:58,240 --> 01:13:59,600 in this competition 1524 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,120 and I was devastated. 1525 01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:02,480 But then I never would have 1526 01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,000 picked up this camera 1527 01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:05,760 filmed from the sidelines 1528 01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:07,440 and this story would have never been told. 1529 01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:09,480 If I didn't get bullied as a kid, 1530 01:14:09,480 --> 01:14:10,920 well, maybe I wouldn't have 1531 01:14:10,920 --> 01:14:12,640 a fighting spirit. 1532 01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:14,000 If I didn't pick up that rugby ball 1533 01:14:14,000 --> 01:14:15,760 when I was 12 years old 1534 01:14:15,760 --> 01:14:17,720 even though I hated sport 1535 01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:18,840 well, then I never would have 1536 01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:19,800 joined the Steelers. 1537 01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:22,040 I wouldn't have met my incredible husband, John, 1538 01:14:22,040 --> 01:14:23,360 and got married. 1539 01:14:23,360 --> 01:14:24,480 Something I never thought 1540 01:14:24,480 --> 01:14:26,040 would happen to me. 1541 01:14:27,360 --> 01:14:30,080 And if that very first gay rugby team 1542 01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:32,120 25 years ago simply gave up 1543 01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:34,360 when the majority of straight teams 1544 01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:35,920 refused to play them ... 1545 01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:37,520 then who knows how many 1546 01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:40,160 thousands of gay lives would be less rich 1547 01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:41,600 because of it? 1548 01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:44,280 NIC: I hope that some of them 1549 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,200 will feel that I have 1550 01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:47,800 changed them as a coach. 1551 01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,160 That I've moved them on 1552 01:14:50,160 --> 01:14:51,880 and some of them maybe that's a nudge. 1553 01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:54,280 Some of them maybe they feel like 1554 01:14:54,280 --> 01:14:55,600 that's big steps. 1555 01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:57,280 But I hope 1556 01:14:57,600 --> 01:15:00,160 that the majority of my players feel that 1557 01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:01,800 I've made them 1558 01:15:01,800 --> 01:15:03,000 a better person. 1559 01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:10,400 DREW: I don't fit in any one cup or mold. 1560 01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:12,920 To me, that's just a B.S. 1561 01:15:12,920 --> 01:15:14,080 kind of attitude to have 1562 01:15:14,080 --> 01:15:16,520 that we as gay men have to 1563 01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:18,880 fit this kind of category 1564 01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:20,720 this mold that 1565 01:15:20,720 --> 01:15:22,840 if you're a bear you have to be 1566 01:15:22,840 --> 01:15:24,720 big and brawny and blah, blah, blah. 1567 01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:25,960 If you're a twink, you have to be 1568 01:15:25,960 --> 01:15:27,200 really flamboyant. 1569 01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:28,400 Whoever you are, 1570 01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:29,880 whatever type of person you are, 1571 01:15:29,880 --> 01:15:31,400 that's you. 1572 01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:33,760 That's being your authentic self. 1573 01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:36,920 SIMON: I'll never forget this rugby season. 1574 01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:38,120 And just when I was about to 1575 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:39,680 walk away from rugby 1576 01:15:40,080 --> 01:15:41,440 but something told me 1577 01:15:41,440 --> 01:15:43,440 no, rugby can still help you. 1578 01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:46,240 Then the club, and this season 1579 01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:49,840 saved my life ... 1580 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:51,840 probably saved my life. 1581 01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:53,800 And that's not ... 1582 01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:55,280 I don't say that ... 1583 01:15:57,480 --> 01:15:59,920 without careful thought. 1584 01:16:09,720 --> 01:16:10,720 EAMMON: So for me 1585 01:16:10,720 --> 01:16:12,920 this isn't a coming out story 1586 01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:15,400 or a story about winning a tournament 1587 01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:17,640 or even about being gay. 1588 01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:19,360 It's a story about 1589 01:16:19,360 --> 01:16:21,760 searching for where you belong 1590 01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:23,680 and never giving up 1591 01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:26,000 because you just might find happiness 1592 01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:28,400 where you least expect.