WEBVTT FILE
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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♪ Don't you ever feel sad ♪
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Come on.
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♪ Lean on me when times are bad ♪
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Asshole!
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♪ When the day comes ♪
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Hey!
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♪ And you're down ♪
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♪ In a river of trouble, baby
And I've got to swim out ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ I'm on my way, your lover ♪
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♪ If you get cold, I'll be your cover ♪
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♪ Don't have to worry, 'cause I'm here ♪
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Sorry about that.
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♪ Don't have to suffer, baby
'Cause I was here ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Reach out to me ♪
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♪ For your satisfaction ♪
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♪ All you have to do is call my name ♪
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♪ For quick reaction ♪
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♪ Hey, yeah, yeah ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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Enjoy your stay.
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00:03:01.333 --> 00:03:03.958
♪ Don't you ever feel sad ♪
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00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:08.875
♪ Lean on me when the times are bad ♪
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♪ And when the day comes and you're down ♪
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♪ In a river of trouble, baby ♪
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♪ And I've got to swim out ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
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♪ I'm comin' ♪
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Coming!
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Come on. Coming, coming, coming, coming.
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-Hello. Hello?
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Shoot. God!
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Hello! Oh, Jesus Christ!
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Listen, what do you recommend
for a catatonic fit in a parking garage?
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I… Ugh, ask your doctor.
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That's why I'm calling. He just canceled.
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Can I come over?
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Donald, you're about
a day and a half early.
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-What am I supposed to do?
-I just got in.
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I'm not ready for you yet.
Why did the prick cancel?
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I don't know.
He said he was just too sick.
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Why don't you tell him
you're sicker than he is?
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He already knows that.
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Okay, Donald, come on over,
but bring a bag of ice.
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Please do not give me any responsibility.
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At this moment, I cannot cope
with anything weightier
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than the directions to your apartment.
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If you want a cold martini when
you get here, you'll cope with some ice.
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-I'll cope with some ice.
-And hurry up.
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I gotta go.
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I was saying hello to an old friend.
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What?
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10th and Broadway, please.
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Coming! Jesus Christ.
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-How did you get inside?
-The street door was open.
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-You want a drink?
-Not until I've had my shower.
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I want something to work out today.
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I'm gonna try to relax
and enjoy something.
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You in a blue funk because of the doctor?
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Christ, no.
I was depressed long before I got there.
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This should pick you up.
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I went shopping today,
and I bought all sorts of goodies. Look.
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-Sandalwood soap.
-I feel better already.
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-Mm-hmm.
-What we got here?
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Oh! Your very own toothbrush,
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00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:08.125
because I am sick to death
of you using mine.
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-How do you think I feel?
-You've had worse things in your mouth.
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Oh, also for you,
something called "Control."
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Notice nowhere is it called "hairspray."
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Just simply "Control"
and the words "for men"
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written about 37 times
all over the goddamn can.
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Yeah, it's called Butch Assurance.
84
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Well, it's still hairspray,
no matter if they call it "balls."
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It's all on your very own shelf,
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which is to be labeled
Donald's Saturday Night Douche Kit.
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By the way, are you spending the night?
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Nope, I'm driving back.
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I still get very itchy
when I'm in this town too long.
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Why didn't the prick call you and cancel?
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Suppose you'd driven
all this way for nothing?
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Why do you keep calling him a prick?
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Who ever heard of an analyst
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having a session with a patient
for two hours on a Saturday evening?
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He simply prefers to take Mondays off.
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00:08:01.583 --> 00:08:04.458
He works late on Saturday
taking Monday off?
97
00:08:04.541 --> 00:08:07.250
What is he,
a psychiatrist or a hairdresser?
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Actually, he's both.
99
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He shrinks my head and then combs me out.
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Besides, I had to come in town
for a birthday party anyway, right?
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Oh, you had to remind me.
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God, if there is one thing
I'm not ready for,
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it is five screaming queens
singing "Happy Birthday."
104
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-Who's coming?
-I think you know everybody anyway.
105
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I mean, the same old tired fairies
you've seen around since day one.
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Actually, you know what?
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There will be seven,
counting Harold and you and me.
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Are you calling me
a screaming queen or a tired fairy?
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Oh, I beg your pardon.
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There will be six tired,
screaming fairy queens
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and one anxious queer.
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I'll be out of your way in a second.
I've only got one more thing to do.
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Surgery? So early in the evening?
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Sunt.
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-That's French with a cedilla.
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I've got to comb my hair
for the 37th time.
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Hair, that's singular.
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My hair, without exaggeration,
is clearly falling on the floor.
119
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You're totally paranoid.
You've got plenty of hair.
120
00:09:05.875 --> 00:09:09.916
No, what you see before you
is a masterpiece of deception.
121
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My hairline starts about here.
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All this is just tortured forward.
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Look.
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That's not good, huh?
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It's not the greatest.
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- It's called getting old.
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Oh, well.
One thing you can say for masturbation:
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you certainly don't have
to look your best.
129
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So what are you so depressed about?
I mean, other than the usual everything?
130
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I really don't want to get into it.
131
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Well, Donald,
if you're not going to tell me,
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then how can we have
a conversation in depth?
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A warm, rewarding, meaningful friendship.
134
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Up yours.
135
00:09:53.625 --> 00:09:58.125
It's just that today I finally realized
I was raised to be a failure.
136
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I was groomed for it.
137
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Oh, Christ. How sick analysts must get
138
00:10:03.125 --> 00:10:06.375
of hearing how Mommy and Daddy
made their darlin' into a fairy.
139
00:10:06.458 --> 00:10:08.708
It's beyond just that now.
140
00:10:08.791 --> 00:10:10.291
Today I finally began to see
141
00:10:10.375 --> 00:10:12.833
how some of the other pieces
of the puzzle relate to them.
142
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My neurotic compulsion to not succeed.
143
00:10:17.500 --> 00:10:21.250
I realize it was always when I failed
that Evelyn loved me the most.
144
00:10:22.208 --> 00:10:25.291
Because it displeased Walt,
who wanted perfection.
145
00:10:26.125 --> 00:10:28.333
I began to fail on purpose to get love.
146
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Failure is the only thing
with which I feel at home
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because it's what I was taught at home.
148
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No.
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00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:42.291
♪ You better chase all the blues away ♪
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00:10:42.375 --> 00:10:44.041
♪ Shout hallelujah, come on… ♪
151
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What is more boring than a queen
doing a Judy Garland imitation?
152
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A queen doing a Bette Davis imitation.
153
00:10:52.750 --> 00:10:53.916
Where'd you get that sweater?
154
00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:57.458
Oh, this clever little shop
on the Right Bank called Hermès.
155
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I work my ass off
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00:10:58.916 --> 00:11:02.000
for 45 lousy dollars a week,
scrubbing floors,
157
00:11:02.083 --> 00:11:06.000
and you waltz around
throwing cashmere sweaters on them.
158
00:11:06.083 --> 00:11:07.875
The one on the floor
in the john is vicuña.
159
00:11:07.958 --> 00:11:09.875
Oh, I beg your pardon.
160
00:11:09.958 --> 00:11:11.833
You could get a job doing something else.
161
00:11:11.916 --> 00:11:15.000
Nobody holds a gun to your head
to be a charwoman.
162
00:11:15.083 --> 00:11:17.041
That is, how you say, your neurosis.
163
00:11:17.125 --> 00:11:19.458
Gee, and I thought it's why I was born.
164
00:11:19.541 --> 00:11:22.625
Besides, just because
I wear expensive clothes,
165
00:11:22.708 --> 00:11:24.291
doesn't mean they're paid for.
166
00:11:24.375 --> 00:11:27.708
That is, how you say, your neurosis.
167
00:11:28.333 --> 00:11:32.166
However, thanks to the silver screen,
your neurosis has got style.
168
00:11:32.250 --> 00:11:37.000
It takes a certain flair to squander
one's unemployment check at Joe Allen.
169
00:11:37.791 --> 00:11:40.916
What's so snappy
about being head over heels in debt?
170
00:11:41.000 --> 00:11:42.416
The only thing smart about it
171
00:11:42.500 --> 00:11:45.833
is the ingenious ways
I dodge the bill collectors.
172
00:11:46.333 --> 00:11:48.000
Yep, come to think of it,
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you're the type
that gives faggots a bad name.
174
00:11:51.500 --> 00:11:54.625
Oh, and you, Donald,
you are a credit to the homosexual.
175
00:11:54.708 --> 00:11:58.958
You're a reliable, hard-working,
floor-scrubbing, bill-paying fag
176
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who don't owe nothing to nobody.
177
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-I am a model fairy.
178
00:12:03.291 --> 00:12:04.833
You think it's just nifty
179
00:12:04.916 --> 00:12:11.250
how I've always flitted from Beverly Hills
to Rome to Acapulco to Amsterdam,
180
00:12:11.333 --> 00:12:13.541
picking up a lot of one-night stands,
181
00:12:13.625 --> 00:12:16.083
a lot of custom-made duds along the trail?
182
00:12:16.708 --> 00:12:20.125
I'm here to tell you
the only place in all those miles,
183
00:12:20.875 --> 00:12:25.000
the only place that I've ever been happy
was on the goddamn plane.
184
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Run, charge.
185
00:12:28.458 --> 00:12:32.541
Run, buy, borrow, make, spend.
186
00:12:32.625 --> 00:12:35.708
Run, squander, beg.
187
00:12:35.791 --> 00:12:39.916
Run, run, run. Waste, waste…
188
00:12:40.750 --> 00:12:41.833
waste.
189
00:12:43.166 --> 00:12:44.333
And why?
190
00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:54.958
Finis. Applause.
191
00:12:59.791 --> 00:13:02.000
-Hey.
-Don't. You don't have to.
192
00:13:02.083 --> 00:13:03.208
Hey, come on.
193
00:13:06.750 --> 00:13:10.250
Oh, there's nothing quite as good
as feeling sorry for yourself, is there?
194
00:13:10.333 --> 00:13:11.333
Nothing.
195
00:13:12.333 --> 00:13:13.208
Okay.
196
00:13:17.916 --> 00:13:20.666
I adore cheap sentiment.
197
00:13:57.375 --> 00:13:59.041
Backstage, Funny Girl.
198
00:13:59.125 --> 00:14:02.041
-Hi, it's Alan.
-Alan?
199
00:14:02.125 --> 00:14:04.333
Oh, my God.
200
00:14:04.416 --> 00:14:08.000
Alan, oh, I don't believe it.
How are you? Where are you?
201
00:14:08.083 --> 00:14:10.916
I'm here… on business.
202
00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.041
Listen, what are you doing tonight?
203
00:14:13.125 --> 00:14:16.833
Oh, I'm tied up tonight.
Alan, tonight's no good for me.
204
00:14:16.916 --> 00:14:20.625
Oh, I'm tied up, too, but I thought
I might just drop by for a drink.
205
00:14:21.833 --> 00:14:23.125
What, you mean now?
206
00:14:24.208 --> 00:14:26.500
Well, Alan, old boy, listen to me.
207
00:14:26.583 --> 00:14:29.666
It is a friend's birthday,
and I am having a few people in.
208
00:14:29.750 --> 00:14:31.208
-Oh.
-And I'm sorry
209
00:14:31.291 --> 00:14:33.875
I can't ask you to join us. It's just…
210
00:14:33.958 --> 00:14:36.208
It just wouldn't work out,
kiddo, you know?
211
00:14:36.291 --> 00:14:38.583
And I'd hate to just see you
for ten minutes
212
00:14:38.666 --> 00:14:41.000
-and then have to say goodbye.
- Mickey, please?
213
00:14:42.666 --> 00:14:43.583
Alan?
214
00:14:44.666 --> 00:14:46.333
-Mickey?
-Alan…
215
00:14:48.041 --> 00:14:48.875
What's wrong?
216
00:14:48.958 --> 00:14:50.916
I've gotta see you
about something right away.
217
00:14:54.500 --> 00:14:56.041
Okay, Alan, come on over.
218
00:14:56.541 --> 00:14:58.000
No, it's perfectly all right.
219
00:14:58.083 --> 00:15:00.458
Just come on over, have a quick drink,
220
00:15:00.541 --> 00:15:03.041
-but-but hurry up.
-Same old address?
221
00:15:03.125 --> 00:15:04.958
-Yeah.
-Okay.
222
00:15:10.916 --> 00:15:12.000
Well…
223
00:15:13.541 --> 00:15:14.541
am I stunning?
224
00:15:14.625 --> 00:15:16.166
You're absolutely stunning.
225
00:15:16.708 --> 00:15:19.333
You look like shit,
but I'm absolutely stunned.
226
00:15:19.416 --> 00:15:22.583
Your grapes are, how you say, sour.
Where's my drink?
227
00:15:22.666 --> 00:15:25.583
I didn't make it. My old roommate
from Georgetown just called.
228
00:15:25.666 --> 00:15:27.791
-Alan what's-his-name?
-McCarthy.
229
00:15:27.875 --> 00:15:30.500
He's up here from Washington
on business or something,
230
00:15:30.583 --> 00:15:31.833
and he's on his way here.
231
00:15:31.916 --> 00:15:34.291
I hope he knows
the lyrics to "Happy Birthday."
232
00:15:34.375 --> 00:15:37.916
Listen, asshole.
What am I going to do? He's straight.
233
00:15:38.500 --> 00:15:41.583
What'll he feel about this freak show
I've got booked for dinner?
234
00:15:41.666 --> 00:15:43.250
Ah, Christ, is that good.
235
00:15:43.333 --> 00:15:45.958
He absolutely
lost his spring on the phone.
236
00:15:46.041 --> 00:15:48.916
He started crying,
and that's not his style at all.
237
00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:51.125
Alan's so goddamned pulled together,
238
00:15:51.208 --> 00:15:53.541
he wouldn't show any emotion
if he were in a plane crash.
239
00:15:53.625 --> 00:15:55.125
What am I going to do?
240
00:15:55.208 --> 00:15:57.791
Are you suddenly ashamed of your friends?
241
00:15:57.875 --> 00:16:02.208
Donald, you are the only person I know
of whom I am truly ashamed.
242
00:16:02.291 --> 00:16:06.250
Some people have different standards
from yours and mine, you know?
243
00:16:06.333 --> 00:16:08.541
And if we don't acknowledge them,
244
00:16:08.625 --> 00:16:12.375
then we're just as backward
and narrow-minded as we think they are.
245
00:16:12.458 --> 00:16:14.958
You know what you are, Michael?
You're a real person.
246
00:16:15.041 --> 00:16:16.791
Thank you. Fuck you.
247
00:16:19.708 --> 00:16:21.000
Do you want some cracked crab?
248
00:16:21.875 --> 00:16:23.125
No, thanks.
249
00:16:23.208 --> 00:16:26.500
How could you ever have been friends
with a bore like that?
250
00:16:26.583 --> 00:16:29.458
Well, believe it or not,
there was a time in my life
251
00:16:29.541 --> 00:16:32.708
when I didn't go around
announcing that I was a faggot.
252
00:16:34.166 --> 00:16:37.708
That must have been
before speech replaced sign language.
253
00:16:37.791 --> 00:16:41.791
Don't give me any static on that score.
I didn't come out until I left college.
254
00:16:41.875 --> 00:16:44.291
Seems to me
that the first time we tricked,
255
00:16:44.375 --> 00:16:48.208
we met in a gay bar on Third Avenue
during your junior year.
256
00:16:48.291 --> 00:16:49.333
Cunt.
257
00:16:49.416 --> 00:16:50.791
Thought you'd never say it.
258
00:17:13.458 --> 00:17:14.583
Don't wait up.
259
00:17:18.833 --> 00:17:19.875
Hi, doll face.
260
00:17:20.625 --> 00:17:22.791
-You look cute.
-Always.
261
00:17:22.875 --> 00:17:24.375
-Hello, Emory.
-Hi.
262
00:17:25.208 --> 00:17:28.208
You know I hate coming
between the two of you like this.
263
00:17:28.291 --> 00:17:29.750
That makes one of us.
264
00:17:32.208 --> 00:17:33.750
This is gonna be fun.
265
00:17:35.916 --> 00:17:37.250
Oh, great.
266
00:17:37.333 --> 00:17:39.416
Well, that's all we need, for it to rain.
267
00:17:39.500 --> 00:17:41.875
-You want some more club soda?
-What?
268
00:17:41.958 --> 00:17:43.833
There's nothing
but club soda in that glass.
269
00:17:43.916 --> 00:17:46.208
I've been watching you
for several Saturdays.
270
00:17:46.291 --> 00:17:48.041
You've actually stopped drinking,
haven't you?
271
00:17:48.125 --> 00:17:49.083
And smoking, too.
272
00:17:49.166 --> 00:17:50.791
-How long's it been?
-Five weeks.
273
00:17:50.875 --> 00:17:53.000
-That's amazing.
-I found God.
274
00:17:53.083 --> 00:17:55.541
-It is amazing. For you?
-Or is God dead?
275
00:17:55.625 --> 00:17:59.000
I could always tell
when you were getting high. One way.
276
00:17:59.083 --> 00:18:01.208
-I'd get hostile.
277
00:18:02.291 --> 00:18:04.625
Hey, what made you stop? The analyst?
278
00:18:04.708 --> 00:18:08.041
Oh. He certainly had a lot to do with it.
279
00:18:08.125 --> 00:18:11.625
Mainly I didn't think I could get through
another morning-after ick attack.
280
00:18:11.708 --> 00:18:12.833
Morning-after what?
281
00:18:12.916 --> 00:18:17.666
Icks! Anxiety, guilt, unfathomable guilt.
282
00:18:18.208 --> 00:18:20.166
From the second
your eyes open and you say,
283
00:18:20.250 --> 00:18:21.958
"Oh, my God! What'd I do last night?"
284
00:18:22.041 --> 00:18:23.166
Mmm, tell me about it.
285
00:18:23.250 --> 00:18:26.125
And then that struggle
to survive till lunch…
286
00:18:26.208 --> 00:18:28.083
-Mmm.
-…where you have a double Bloody Mary.
287
00:18:28.166 --> 00:18:30.250
That is, if you've waited till lunch.
288
00:18:30.333 --> 00:18:34.208
And then you're half pissed again
and useless for the rest of the afternoon.
289
00:18:34.291 --> 00:18:36.625
So you hang on till cocktail time,
290
00:18:36.708 --> 00:18:39.666
and by then, you're ready
for whatever the night holds,
291
00:18:39.750 --> 00:18:41.625
which hopefully is another party,
292
00:18:41.708 --> 00:18:45.375
and that whole goddamn cycle
starts all over again.
293
00:18:46.333 --> 00:18:49.500
Well, I have been
on that merry-go-round long enough,
294
00:18:49.583 --> 00:18:53.583
and I either had to get off
or die of centrifugal force.
295
00:18:55.125 --> 00:18:58.125
Oh, Joe College has finally arrived.
296
00:18:58.208 --> 00:18:59.916
All right, Donald, listen to me.
297
00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:03.833
Don't insult me by giving me any lecture
on acceptable social behavior.
298
00:19:03.916 --> 00:19:04.875
-I promise
299
00:19:04.958 --> 00:19:08.041
to sit with my legs spread apart
and keep my voice in a deep register.
300
00:19:08.125 --> 00:19:11.416
Donald, you are a real card-carrying cunt.
301
00:19:18.625 --> 00:19:20.458
All right. This is a raid.
302
00:19:20.541 --> 00:19:23.958
Everybody's under arrest.
303
00:19:24.041 --> 00:19:26.833
Hello, darling. Connie Casserole.
Oh, Mary, don't ask.
304
00:19:26.916 --> 00:19:29.625
Hi, Emory. Come on,
you can put it in the kitchen.
305
00:19:29.708 --> 00:19:32.708
-Hi, Hank. Larry.
- Who is this exotic woman?
306
00:19:32.791 --> 00:19:34.083
My dear, I thought you had perished!
307
00:19:34.166 --> 00:19:36.541
Where have you been hiding
your classically chiseled features?
308
00:19:36.625 --> 00:19:38.208
I don't live in the city anymore.
309
00:19:38.291 --> 00:19:40.541
I'll take those.
Emory, where's your present?
310
00:19:40.625 --> 00:19:42.208
It's arriving later.
311
00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:43.833
Larry.
312
00:19:45.125 --> 00:19:47.625
Larry. Larry!
313
00:19:47.708 --> 00:19:49.708
-What?
-Give Michael the gift.
314
00:19:50.708 --> 00:19:52.750
Oh, here.
315
00:19:52.833 --> 00:19:55.166
Louder, so my mother
in Philadelphia can hear you.
316
00:19:55.250 --> 00:19:57.000
-You were standing there in a trance.
-Was I?
317
00:19:57.083 --> 00:20:00.208
-You both know Donald, don't you?
- Sure. Nice to see you.
318
00:20:00.291 --> 00:20:01.708
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
319
00:20:01.791 --> 00:20:03.791
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd met.
320
00:20:03.875 --> 00:20:06.791
Well, we haven't exactly met, but we've…
321
00:20:07.750 --> 00:20:09.000
-Hi.
-Hi.
322
00:20:10.666 --> 00:20:11.750
But you've what?
323
00:20:13.416 --> 00:20:14.875
Seen each other before.
324
00:20:15.625 --> 00:20:16.750
Oh, that sounds murky.
325
00:20:16.833 --> 00:20:18.583
You've never met,
but you've seen each other.
326
00:20:18.666 --> 00:20:21.833
-What was wrong with the way I said it?
-They're gonna have their first fight.
327
00:20:21.916 --> 00:20:23.666
The first one
since we got out of the taxi.
328
00:20:23.750 --> 00:20:27.708
- Where did you find this trash?
-Downstairs, leaning against a lamppost.
329
00:20:27.791 --> 00:20:29.250
With an orchid behind my ear
330
00:20:29.333 --> 00:20:31.625
and big, wet lips
painted over the lip line.
331
00:20:32.708 --> 00:20:35.291
-Oh! Just like Maria Montez.
-Oh, please.
332
00:20:35.375 --> 00:20:38.333
Hey, what have you got against Maria?
She was a good woman.
333
00:20:38.416 --> 00:20:39.916
Hold on. Everybody, listen.
334
00:20:40.750 --> 00:20:42.916
This old college friend of mine
is in town,
335
00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:45.750
and he's stopping by for a fast drink
on his way to dinner,
336
00:20:45.833 --> 00:20:47.333
but he's straight, so…
337
00:20:47.416 --> 00:20:51.041
Straight? If he's the one I met,
he's as straight as the yellow brick road.
338
00:20:51.125 --> 00:20:53.291
No, you met Justin Stuart.
339
00:20:53.875 --> 00:20:56.000
I don't remember meeting a Justin Stuart.
340
00:20:56.083 --> 00:20:59.083
-Of course you don't, dope. I met him.
-This is someone else.
341
00:20:59.166 --> 00:21:03.125
Yes, Alan McCarthy,
a very close total stranger.
342
00:21:03.208 --> 00:21:06.208
It is not that I care
what he would think of me. Really.
343
00:21:06.291 --> 00:21:10.125
It's just he's not ready for it,
you know, and he never will be.
344
00:21:10.916 --> 00:21:14.250
-You understand that, don't you, Hank?
-Sure.
345
00:21:14.333 --> 00:21:16.041
Do you really think
he doesn't know about you?
346
00:21:16.125 --> 00:21:18.875
If there is the slightest suspicion,
he's never let on.
347
00:21:18.958 --> 00:21:20.791
-What's he had, a lobotomy?
348
00:21:20.875 --> 00:21:23.958
Hey, I was super careful
when I was in college,
349
00:21:24.041 --> 00:21:26.083
and I still am whenever I see him.
350
00:21:26.166 --> 00:21:28.708
-I don't know why, but I am.
-Tilt.
351
00:21:28.791 --> 00:21:32.000
I was just like Alan
when I was in college.
352
00:21:32.083 --> 00:21:34.500
I was very large in the dating department.
353
00:21:34.583 --> 00:21:38.750
I wore nothing
but those constipated Ivy League clothes,
354
00:21:38.833 --> 00:21:41.458
and those, oh, ten-pound cordovan shoes.
355
00:21:45.958 --> 00:21:48.041
-No offense.
-Quite all right.
356
00:21:48.125 --> 00:21:52.208
I butched it up quite a bit,
and I didn't think I was lying to myself.
357
00:21:52.291 --> 00:21:54.291
I really thought I was straight.
358
00:21:54.375 --> 00:21:57.208
I know damn well I did not come out
until after I graduated.
359
00:21:57.291 --> 00:21:59.083
What about all those weekends
up from school?
360
00:21:59.166 --> 00:22:01.041
Oh. I still wasn't out.
361
00:22:01.125 --> 00:22:04.125
I was still in the
Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome.
362
00:22:04.208 --> 00:22:07.750
"Christ, I was so drunk last night,
I don't remember a thing."
363
00:22:07.833 --> 00:22:08.666
That's it.
364
00:22:08.750 --> 00:22:10.708
You were just guilty
because you were Catholic.
365
00:22:10.791 --> 00:22:12.375
-That's all.
-That is not true.
366
00:22:12.458 --> 00:22:16.583
The Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome
knows no religion,
367
00:22:16.666 --> 00:22:19.291
although there's a high percentage
of it among Mormons.
368
00:22:19.875 --> 00:22:22.541
Who do you have to fuck
to get a drink around here?
369
00:22:22.625 --> 00:22:24.375
Will you light somewhere?
370
00:22:24.458 --> 00:22:29.208
We all somehow managed
to justify our actions in those days.
371
00:22:29.291 --> 00:22:33.291
You know, I later found out
even Justin Stuart, my closest friend--
372
00:22:33.375 --> 00:22:34.500
Other than Alan McCarthy.
373
00:22:34.583 --> 00:22:37.375
Zip it. He was doing the same thing.
374
00:22:37.458 --> 00:22:40.166
Only Justin was going
to Boston on weekends.
375
00:22:40.250 --> 00:22:43.166
You see, in the
Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome,
376
00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:45.541
you really are drunk.
That part of it is true.
377
00:22:45.625 --> 00:22:49.416
It's just you also do remember everything.
378
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:53.083
Well, a lot of guys
have to get loaded to have sex.
379
00:22:54.666 --> 00:22:56.375
So I've been told.
380
00:22:56.458 --> 00:22:58.708
Donald…
381
00:22:58.791 --> 00:23:00.916
…if you remember,
the first time we made it,
382
00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:03.625
I was so drunk I could hardly stand up.
383
00:23:03.708 --> 00:23:06.166
You were so drunk,
you could hardly get it up.
384
00:23:07.833 --> 00:23:11.791
-Christ, I was so drunk, I don't remember.
-Oh, bullshit. You remember.
385
00:23:11.875 --> 00:23:14.375
-Oh, Jesus. All right, that's Alan.
386
00:23:14.458 --> 00:23:17.958
Please, everyone do me a favor.
Cool it for the few minutes he's here.
387
00:23:18.041 --> 00:23:19.833
Anything for a sis, Mary.
388
00:23:19.916 --> 00:23:21.000
Emory, no!
389
00:23:21.083 --> 00:23:23.958
I'm sorry, but that is exactly
what I'm talking about.
390
00:23:24.041 --> 00:23:26.000
-No camping.
-Sorry.
391
00:23:26.083 --> 00:23:28.416
Think the Giants are gonna win
the pennant this year?
392
00:23:28.500 --> 00:23:30.458
-Fuckin' A, Mac.
393
00:23:31.416 --> 00:23:34.125
-Oh, hey, Bernard.
-Hey, baby.
394
00:23:34.208 --> 00:23:37.500
I'll take these. Everyone's outside.
You can put your present with the others.
395
00:23:37.583 --> 00:23:39.416
-Oh, it's only another queen!
396
00:23:39.500 --> 00:23:42.583
-And it ain't the red one either.
-It's the queen of spades!
397
00:23:42.666 --> 00:23:45.083
Anybody ever tell you
you'd look divine in a hammock,
398
00:23:45.166 --> 00:23:49.333
surrounded by louvers and ceiling fans
and lots and lots of lush tropical ferns?
399
00:23:49.416 --> 00:23:52.208
You're such a fag. You take the cake. Up!
400
00:23:52.291 --> 00:23:55.625
-What about the cake? Whose job was that?
-Mine. I ordered it to be delivered.
401
00:23:55.708 --> 00:23:58.000
How many candles
did you say to put on it? 80?
402
00:23:58.083 --> 00:24:00.916
Wait, Alan. There's too much noise.
I'll get another phone.
403
00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:02.500
-Michael, did the cake come?
-No.
404
00:24:02.583 --> 00:24:04.833
-Oh, God. Can I use your private line?
-Sure.
405
00:24:04.916 --> 00:24:08.375
Listen, everybody, there is some
cracked crab out there. Help yourselves.
406
00:24:08.458 --> 00:24:11.291
Can I have the number for the
Marseilles Bakery in Manhattan, please?
407
00:24:11.375 --> 00:24:13.416
-Is everybody ready for a drink?
-Yeah!
408
00:24:13.500 --> 00:24:16.166
Ready? I'll be your
topless cocktail waitress.
409
00:24:16.250 --> 00:24:18.375
Please, spare us the sight
of your sagging tits.
410
00:24:18.458 --> 00:24:19.666
What are you having, kids?
411
00:24:19.750 --> 00:24:21.666
-Is there any beer?
-Oh, in the fridge.
412
00:24:21.750 --> 00:24:23.291
-I'll get it.
-Beer?
413
00:24:23.375 --> 00:24:26.166
-Who drinks beer before dinner?
-Beer drinkers.
414
00:24:26.250 --> 00:24:30.625
How can a sensitive artist like you
live with an insensitive bull like that?
415
00:24:30.708 --> 00:24:32.541
-I can't.
416
00:24:32.625 --> 00:24:33.916
Well, here's hoping.
417
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:38.416
Alan, don't be silly.
There's nothing to apologize for.
418
00:24:38.500 --> 00:24:40.583
It's just that I feel like such a fool.
419
00:24:40.666 --> 00:24:44.833
I can shoot myself
for letting myself act that way.
420
00:24:44.916 --> 00:24:47.833
Look, it is just as well.
I have people over.
421
00:24:47.916 --> 00:24:50.041
It wouldn't be a good time to talk.
422
00:24:50.125 --> 00:24:53.708
Hey, what about this?
What if we do lunch tomorrow?
423
00:24:53.791 --> 00:24:57.708
Sure. Why don't you meet me
at the Oak Room at about one o'clock?
424
00:24:57.791 --> 00:24:59.416
That sounds perfect.
425
00:24:59.500 --> 00:25:03.416
And listen, Michael,
can you just forget about tonight?
426
00:25:04.750 --> 00:25:06.083
Pretend it never happened?
427
00:25:06.583 --> 00:25:08.458
Alan, done. It's forgotten.
428
00:25:08.541 --> 00:25:10.333
-I'll see you tomorrow?
-Great.
429
00:25:18.041 --> 00:25:21.375
-Yeah, baby! Let's hear that sound! Whoo!
430
00:25:21.458 --> 00:25:24.250
A drumbeat
and their eyes sparkle like Cartier.
431
00:25:24.333 --> 00:25:25.333
Terrible.
432
00:25:26.750 --> 00:25:28.666
Wow, thanks, Bernard.
433
00:25:28.750 --> 00:25:30.708
It's like you stock up
for the whole summer.
434
00:25:30.791 --> 00:25:32.916
You kidding? That'll last him two days.
435
00:25:33.791 --> 00:25:36.083
-Well, he's not coming.
-Oh!
436
00:25:36.166 --> 00:25:38.375
Some people eat,
some people drink, some take dope.
437
00:25:38.458 --> 00:25:42.500
-I read.
-Yeah, and read, read, read.
438
00:25:42.583 --> 00:25:44.458
It's a wonder your eyes
don't turn back into your head
439
00:25:44.541 --> 00:25:47.875
-at the sight of a dust jacket.
-At least he's a constructive escapist.
440
00:25:47.958 --> 00:25:51.500
Oh, that's true.
What do I do? I take planes.
441
00:25:51.583 --> 00:25:53.208
No. No, I don't do that anymore
442
00:25:53.291 --> 00:25:56.250
because I don't have
the money to do that anymore.
443
00:25:56.333 --> 00:25:58.750
I go to the baths. That's about it.
444
00:25:58.833 --> 00:26:01.333
I'm about to do both.
I'm flying to the West Coast.
445
00:26:01.416 --> 00:26:03.416
You still got that act
with the donkey in Tijuana?
446
00:26:04.541 --> 00:26:07.708
I'm going to San Francisco
on a well-earned vacation.
447
00:26:07.791 --> 00:26:08.875
I'm going to the Club Baths,
448
00:26:08.958 --> 00:26:13.333
and I'm not leaving till they announce
the departure of TWA one week later.
449
00:26:13.416 --> 00:26:15.333
You'll never learn
to stay out of the baths, will you?
450
00:26:15.416 --> 00:26:18.208
-Bernard, don't… Bernard!
-The last time Emily took the vapors,
451
00:26:18.291 --> 00:26:20.916
this big hairy number strolled in.
452
00:26:21.000 --> 00:26:22.791
So Emory says, "I'm just resting."
453
00:26:22.875 --> 00:26:25.875
Big hairy number said,
"Oh, I'm just arresting."
454
00:26:25.958 --> 00:26:27.708
-It was the vice.
-Emory!
455
00:26:27.791 --> 00:26:30.625
You have to tell everything,
don't you? Thanks, honey.
456
00:26:31.208 --> 00:26:32.583
You live with your parents?
457
00:26:33.291 --> 00:26:35.250
Yeah, but it's all right, they're gay.
458
00:26:38.958 --> 00:26:40.541
Thought that was funny, Hank?
459
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:47.375
What happened to Alan?
460
00:26:47.458 --> 00:26:52.000
Oh, he suddenly got terrible icks
about having broken down on the phone.
461
00:26:52.083 --> 00:26:54.375
Kept apologizing over and over.
462
00:26:54.458 --> 00:26:56.291
Did this big about-face,
463
00:26:56.375 --> 00:27:00.250
reverted to the old Alan
right before my very eyes.
464
00:27:00.333 --> 00:27:02.166
-Ears.
-Ears.
465
00:27:02.250 --> 00:27:05.208
Well, the cracked crab
obviously did not work out.
466
00:27:05.291 --> 00:27:07.291
I don't know why everyone
has such an aversion to it.
467
00:27:07.375 --> 00:27:10.291
Sometimes you remind me
of the Chinese water torture.
468
00:27:10.916 --> 00:27:12.583
No. No, I take that back.
469
00:27:12.666 --> 00:27:16.375
Sometimes you remind me
of the relentless Chinese water torture.
470
00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:19.708
-Bitch.
- Whoo! Whoo!
471
00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:23.625
- Wonder where Harold is.
-Yeah, where is the frozen fruit?
472
00:27:24.208 --> 00:27:26.208
Emory refers to Harold as the frozen fruit
473
00:27:26.291 --> 00:27:28.833
because of his former profession
as an ice skater.
474
00:27:28.916 --> 00:27:30.208
Whoo!
475
00:27:31.458 --> 00:27:32.916
You know he's out here looking rough.
476
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:37.666
If your mother could see you now,
she'd have a stroke.
477
00:27:37.750 --> 00:27:39.833
- Got a camera on you?
478
00:27:39.916 --> 00:27:42.625
Oh, my God, it's Lily Law.
Everybody, three feet apart.
479
00:27:42.708 --> 00:27:44.333
It's probably Harold now.
480
00:27:47.375 --> 00:27:49.583
No, it's the delivery boy from the bakery.
481
00:27:49.666 --> 00:27:52.291
-Oh, thank God.
-Ask him if he's got any hot cross buns!
482
00:27:56.375 --> 00:27:57.958
Come on, Emory. Knock it off.
483
00:27:58.750 --> 00:28:00.750
You can take her anywhere but out.
484
00:28:01.375 --> 00:28:03.583
You remind me
of an old maid school teacher.
485
00:28:03.666 --> 00:28:05.291
You remind me of a chicken wing.
486
00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:09.041
-I'm sure you meant that as a compliment.
-Good evening.
487
00:28:15.500 --> 00:28:18.333
Hey, Bernard, remember that thing
we used to do on Fire Island?
488
00:28:18.416 --> 00:28:21.708
Whoo! That was in so far back,
I think I've forgotten.
489
00:28:21.791 --> 00:28:23.583
I remember.
490
00:28:23.666 --> 00:28:25.416
-Baby, come on, follow.
-What is it?
491
00:28:25.500 --> 00:28:28.166
-It goes swing, swing. Hook, hook.
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
492
00:28:28.250 --> 00:28:31.083
Milk the cow,
milk the cow, milk the cow…
493
00:28:31.166 --> 00:28:33.208
You gotta swing it. You gotta hit it.
494
00:28:35.791 --> 00:28:38.916
Look, it's the Geriatric Rockettes!
Here we go.
495
00:28:41.875 --> 00:28:44.208
♪ Whenever I'm with him ♪
496
00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:50.250
♪ Something inside starts to burning ♪
497
00:28:50.750 --> 00:28:54.375
♪ And I'm filled with desire ♪
498
00:28:55.083 --> 00:28:56.708
♪ Could it be a devil in me? ♪
499
00:28:56.791 --> 00:29:00.000
♪ Or is this the way
Love's supposed to be? ♪
500
00:29:00.083 --> 00:29:04.583
♪ It's like a heat wave
Burning in my heart ♪
501
00:29:04.666 --> 00:29:07.291
♪ I can't keep from crying… ♪
502
00:29:07.375 --> 00:29:10.166
-Come on, Donald. Donald.
-No, God.
503
00:29:10.250 --> 00:29:13.166
♪ Whenever he calls my name ♪
504
00:29:13.250 --> 00:29:16.916
♪ Soft, low, sweet and plain ♪
505
00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:22.875
♪ Right then, right there
I feel that burning flame ♪
506
00:29:22.958 --> 00:29:25.458
♪ Has high blood pressure
Got a hold on me ♪
507
00:29:26.500 --> 00:29:28.750
♪ Or is this the way
Love's supposed to be? ♪
508
00:29:28.833 --> 00:29:33.000
♪ It's like a heat wave
Burning in my heart ♪
509
00:29:33.083 --> 00:29:38.125
♪ I can't keep from crying
It's tearing me apart ♪
510
00:29:41.083 --> 00:29:45.708
♪ Ooh, heat wave ♪
511
00:29:46.833 --> 00:29:51.583
♪ Ooh, heat wave ♪
512
00:29:54.791 --> 00:29:56.791
-God damn it, Hank!
-Why would you--
513
00:30:03.500 --> 00:30:06.583
I thought… I'm…
You said that you weren't coming.
514
00:30:06.666 --> 00:30:08.291
Well, I'm sorry.
515
00:30:10.083 --> 00:30:12.458
Well, we were just acting silly.
516
00:30:13.958 --> 00:30:16.458
When I called,
I was at a phone booth around the corner.
517
00:30:16.541 --> 00:30:18.083
My dinner party isn't far from here.
518
00:30:18.166 --> 00:30:21.041
Emory was showing us this silly dance.
519
00:30:21.125 --> 00:30:23.250
I walked past,
and your downstairs door was open.
520
00:30:23.333 --> 00:30:24.375
This is Emory.
521
00:30:27.750 --> 00:30:29.125
Everybody, this is Alan McCarthy.
522
00:30:29.208 --> 00:30:34.166
Alan, counterclockwise, we have
Larry, Bernard, Donald, Emory and Hank.
523
00:30:34.250 --> 00:30:35.500
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi.
524
00:30:35.583 --> 00:30:38.583
-Would you like a drink?
-Thanks, no. I-I can't stay long.
525
00:30:38.666 --> 00:30:41.250
You're here now, so stay.
What would you like?
526
00:30:41.333 --> 00:30:42.666
-Scotch, please.
-Scotch.
527
00:30:42.750 --> 00:30:44.583
-I'll get it.
- Thank you.
528
00:30:49.875 --> 00:30:52.375
-Guess I'm the only beer drinker.
529
00:30:53.041 --> 00:30:54.875
Whose, uh, birthday is it?
530
00:30:54.958 --> 00:30:56.750
-Harold's.
- Harold?
531
00:30:56.833 --> 00:30:59.583
- He's not here yet.
-She's never been on time in her li--
532
00:31:01.916 --> 00:31:05.041
He's… never been on time in his life.
533
00:31:05.125 --> 00:31:09.875
Hank, Alan is from Washington.
We went to college together, Georgetown.
534
00:31:09.958 --> 00:31:10.958
-Ah.
-Yeah.
535
00:31:13.125 --> 00:31:14.750
Well, isn't that fascinating?
536
00:31:14.833 --> 00:31:17.416
If that's too strong,
I'll put some water in it for you.
537
00:31:18.958 --> 00:31:20.750
It's fine, thanks. Fine.
538
00:31:22.875 --> 00:31:25.666
-You in the government, Alan?
-No, I'm a lawyer.
539
00:31:25.750 --> 00:31:27.500
-What do you do?
-I teach school.
540
00:31:27.583 --> 00:31:30.416
Oh. Would have taken you
for an athlete of some sort.
541
00:31:33.458 --> 00:31:35.250
You look like you might play sports.
542
00:31:35.333 --> 00:31:39.000
Well, I'm no professional, but I was
on the basketball team in college.
543
00:31:39.083 --> 00:31:41.166
-Played quite a bit of tennis.
-I play tennis, too.
544
00:31:41.250 --> 00:31:43.291
-Great game. It is, yeah.
- Yeah, great.
545
00:31:45.166 --> 00:31:46.625
-What do you teach?
-Math.
546
00:31:46.708 --> 00:31:47.958
-Math?
-Yeah.
547
00:31:48.541 --> 00:31:49.375
Math.
548
00:31:51.291 --> 00:31:55.041
Kind of makes you want to rush out
and buy a slide rule, doesn't it?
549
00:31:56.041 --> 00:31:57.791
Emory, I need help in the kitchen.
550
00:31:57.875 --> 00:32:00.041
-You're elected. Come on.
-I'm always elected.
551
00:32:00.125 --> 00:32:02.958
-You're a natural-born domestic.
-Said the African queen!
552
00:32:03.041 --> 00:32:05.291
You come, too. Fan me
while I make the salad dressing.
553
00:32:05.375 --> 00:32:07.125
- This way, Emory.
554
00:32:11.750 --> 00:32:12.750
Why don't we all sit down?
555
00:32:12.833 --> 00:32:13.916
-Sure.
-Yeah.
556
00:32:24.166 --> 00:32:26.583
I feel terrible
barging in on you fellas this way.
557
00:32:26.666 --> 00:32:27.541
Ah, that's okay.
558
00:32:27.625 --> 00:32:30.791
- How've you been?
-Fine, thanks. And you?
559
00:32:33.375 --> 00:32:34.416
You married?
560
00:32:35.750 --> 00:32:37.500
-What?
-I see you're married.
561
00:32:37.583 --> 00:32:38.750
Oh.
562
00:32:38.833 --> 00:32:42.333
Yes, Hank is married.
Donald, cope with some ice.
563
00:32:44.541 --> 00:32:46.458
-Do you have any kids?
-Yes, two.
564
00:32:46.541 --> 00:32:47.916
A boy, nine. A girl, seven.
565
00:32:48.500 --> 00:32:51.708
You should see my boy play tennis.
Really puts his dad to shame.
566
00:32:51.791 --> 00:32:53.958
-I have two kids, too. Both girls.
- Great.
567
00:32:54.708 --> 00:32:57.458
-How are the girls, Alan?
-Oh, just sensational.
568
00:32:57.541 --> 00:32:59.708
-Yeah?
-They're something, those kids.
569
00:32:59.791 --> 00:33:01.750
God, I'm-I'm nuts about them.
570
00:33:03.125 --> 00:33:04.916
-How long you been married?
- Nine years.
571
00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:06.375
Ah!
572
00:33:06.458 --> 00:33:08.625
-Can you believe it, Mickey?
-No.
573
00:33:09.208 --> 00:33:11.708
Mickey used to go with my wife
when we were all in school.
574
00:33:11.791 --> 00:33:13.416
-Can you believe that?
575
00:33:13.500 --> 00:33:16.125
Oh, Lord. Sorry.
576
00:33:21.208 --> 00:33:22.500
You live in the city?
577
00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:26.000
Yes, we do.
578
00:33:30.958 --> 00:33:31.958
Oh!
579
00:33:32.458 --> 00:33:34.625
I'm in
the process of getting a divorce.
580
00:33:35.125 --> 00:33:38.666
-Larry and I are roommates at the moment.
-Yes, they're roommates.
581
00:33:39.958 --> 00:33:42.208
Oh, I'm very sorry. I mean--
582
00:33:42.291 --> 00:33:43.916
-No, I understand.
- Mmm.
583
00:33:48.041 --> 00:33:50.791
-I think I'd like another.
-Of course. I'm so sorry.
584
00:33:55.125 --> 00:33:56.291
Can I help you, Alan?
585
00:33:56.958 --> 00:33:58.041
Uh…
586
00:33:59.583 --> 00:34:01.166
Can't seem to find the scotch.
587
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:03.166
It's in your hand.
588
00:34:03.250 --> 00:34:04.875
-Oh.
589
00:34:04.958 --> 00:34:06.208
Of course. How stupid of me.
590
00:34:06.291 --> 00:34:08.791
-Why don't you let me do that for you?
-Thank you.
591
00:34:08.875 --> 00:34:12.833
-Where the hell could Harold be?
-Oh, he's always late.
592
00:34:12.916 --> 00:34:15.291
You know how neurotic
he can be about going out in public.
593
00:34:15.375 --> 00:34:16.791
Takes him hours to get ready.
594
00:34:16.875 --> 00:34:18.708
-Why is that?
-Why is what?
595
00:34:18.791 --> 00:34:21.958
Why does it take Harold hours
to get ready before he can go out?
596
00:34:22.750 --> 00:34:24.541
Because she's a sick lady. That's why.
597
00:34:24.625 --> 00:34:26.708
Alan, why don't we go upstairs and talk?
598
00:34:26.791 --> 00:34:28.583
I'm just gonna finish this and go.
599
00:34:28.666 --> 00:34:30.833
Come on. You can bring your drink.
600
00:34:31.750 --> 00:34:33.791
-I-I finished it.
- Here.
601
00:34:40.291 --> 00:34:43.583
-Excuse me. We'll be down in a minute.
-Oh, he'll still be here.
602
00:34:44.875 --> 00:34:46.625
-Come on. This way, Alan.
-Sure.
603
00:34:54.375 --> 00:34:55.583
What was that supposed to mean?
604
00:34:55.666 --> 00:34:57.791
-What was what supposed to mean?
-You know.
605
00:34:58.875 --> 00:35:00.375
-Do you want another beer?
-No.
606
00:35:02.208 --> 00:35:03.625
You're jealous, aren't you?
607
00:35:03.708 --> 00:35:05.833
-I'm Larry.
608
00:35:06.958 --> 00:35:08.166
You're jealous.
609
00:35:10.375 --> 00:35:12.500
So, Donald, where have you been
hanging out these days?
610
00:35:12.583 --> 00:35:14.333
I haven't seen you in a long time.
611
00:35:19.666 --> 00:35:21.125
- Alan…
612
00:35:23.291 --> 00:35:26.833
I want to try to explain
something about this evening.
613
00:35:26.916 --> 00:35:29.291
What's to explain? Sometimes you just…
614
00:35:29.375 --> 00:35:31.583
can't invite everybody
to every party, and…
615
00:35:32.166 --> 00:35:34.458
Some people take it personally,
but not me.
616
00:35:34.541 --> 00:35:36.791
I should apologize for inviting myself.
617
00:35:36.875 --> 00:35:38.958
That is not exactly what I meant.
618
00:35:39.666 --> 00:35:42.250
Your friends seem like awfully nice guys.
619
00:35:43.041 --> 00:35:44.958
That Hank is a very attractive fellow.
620
00:35:45.541 --> 00:35:46.666
Yes, he is.
621
00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:50.083
-What's his roommate's name?
-Uh, Larry.
622
00:35:50.166 --> 00:35:51.000
What does he do?
623
00:35:52.166 --> 00:35:53.708
He's a commercial artist.
624
00:35:53.791 --> 00:35:56.291
I liked Donald, too.
625
00:35:59.583 --> 00:36:01.916
The only one
I didn't care for too much was…
626
00:36:02.625 --> 00:36:04.041
What's his name? Emory?
627
00:36:04.125 --> 00:36:05.916
Yes, Emory.
628
00:36:06.541 --> 00:36:09.125
Just can't stand that kind of talk.
It grates on me.
629
00:36:13.541 --> 00:36:15.333
What kind of talk, Alan?
630
00:36:15.416 --> 00:36:19.458
Oh, you know, his…
brand of humor, I guess.
631
00:36:19.541 --> 00:36:22.250
He can be really quite funny sometimes.
632
00:36:22.333 --> 00:36:25.291
I suppose, if you find
that sort of thing amusing. He just…
633
00:36:26.083 --> 00:36:28.458
seems like such a goddamn little pansy.
634
00:36:31.583 --> 00:36:34.333
I'm sorry I said that.
I didn't mean to say that. That's…
635
00:36:35.541 --> 00:36:38.083
such an awful thing
to say about anyone.
636
00:36:38.958 --> 00:36:40.750
But you know what I mean, Michael.
637
00:36:41.458 --> 00:36:43.375
You have to admit he is effeminate.
638
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:47.000
-He is a bit.
-A bit?
639
00:36:48.125 --> 00:36:50.083
He's like a butterfly in heat.
640
00:36:51.416 --> 00:36:54.083
There's no wonder
he was teaching you all to dance.
641
00:36:54.875 --> 00:36:57.166
He probably wanted to dance with you.
642
00:37:01.333 --> 00:37:03.416
Oh, come on, man. You know me.
643
00:37:04.625 --> 00:37:08.458
You know how I feel.
Your private life is your own affair.
644
00:37:09.291 --> 00:37:11.416
No, I don't know that about you, Alan.
645
00:37:11.500 --> 00:37:12.416
I-I…
646
00:37:13.291 --> 00:37:15.708
don't care what people do
as long as they don't do it in public
647
00:37:15.791 --> 00:37:18.083
or try to force their ways
on the whole world.
648
00:37:18.166 --> 00:37:20.208
What were you crying about
on the telephone?
649
00:37:20.291 --> 00:37:24.333
All I-- All I can say is
please forgive me for making…
650
00:37:25.166 --> 00:37:26.750
such an ass of myself.
651
00:37:26.833 --> 00:37:29.083
You must have been upset
or you wouldn't have said you were
652
00:37:29.166 --> 00:37:31.125
and that you wanted to see me,
you had to see me.
653
00:37:31.208 --> 00:37:33.583
-Michael, please.
-Is something wrong between you and Fran?
654
00:37:33.666 --> 00:37:35.166
Listen, I've really gotta go.
655
00:37:35.250 --> 00:37:36.333
Why are you in New York?
656
00:37:36.416 --> 00:37:38.916
-Late for this dinner.
-Whose dinner? Where are you going?
657
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:40.250
-Is that the loo?
-Yes.
658
00:37:40.791 --> 00:37:41.958
Excuse me.
659
00:37:50.791 --> 00:37:53.333
What's going on in here?
Oh, Mary, don't ask.
660
00:37:53.916 --> 00:37:55.875
Hank, why don't you come and join us?
661
00:37:56.916 --> 00:37:59.958
That's an interesting suggestion.
Whose idea is that?
662
00:38:00.583 --> 00:38:02.583
-Mine.
663
00:38:02.666 --> 00:38:04.458
He means in conversation.
664
00:38:04.541 --> 00:38:08.291
-Where are the rest of the wine glasses?
-I's working as fast as I can.
665
00:38:09.916 --> 00:38:11.666
- To your health.
- Up yours.
666
00:38:12.500 --> 00:38:13.583
Up my health?
667
00:38:14.166 --> 00:38:16.625
-Where's the gent?
-He's in the gent's room.
668
00:38:16.708 --> 00:38:18.875
If you can all hang on
for five more minutes,
669
00:38:18.958 --> 00:38:20.208
he's about to leave.
670
00:38:20.291 --> 00:38:22.083
-Well, at last.
671
00:38:27.208 --> 00:38:29.083
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
672
00:38:29.166 --> 00:38:30.958
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
673
00:38:31.041 --> 00:38:34.958
♪ Happy birthday, dear Harold
Happy birthday to you ♪
674
00:38:35.916 --> 00:38:37.000
Oh!
675
00:38:40.625 --> 00:38:42.083
Who the hell are you?
676
00:38:42.166 --> 00:38:44.833
She's Harold's present from me
and she's early,
677
00:38:44.916 --> 00:38:47.458
and that's not even Harold, you idiot!
678
00:38:47.541 --> 00:38:49.208
You said whoever answered the door.
679
00:38:49.875 --> 00:38:53.666
But not until midnight.
He's supposed to be a midnight cowboy.
680
00:38:54.833 --> 00:38:57.666
He looks right out of the chorus
of a bus-and-truck Oklahoma!
681
00:38:57.750 --> 00:39:01.041
Not until midnight, and you're supposed
to sing to the right person.
682
00:39:01.125 --> 00:39:05.083
I told you Harold
has very tight, tight, black curly hair.
683
00:39:05.166 --> 00:39:07.041
This number's practically bald.
684
00:39:07.125 --> 00:39:09.291
Thank you, and fuck you!
685
00:39:09.375 --> 00:39:10.875
Good thing I didn't open the door.
686
00:39:10.958 --> 00:39:13.958
-Not that tight and not that black.
687
00:39:14.041 --> 00:39:15.083
I-I forgot.
688
00:39:15.583 --> 00:39:17.666
Besides, I wanted to get
to the bars by midnight.
689
00:39:17.750 --> 00:39:20.000
Oh, he's a class act all the way around.
690
00:39:20.083 --> 00:39:21.708
What do you mean, "get to the bars"?
691
00:39:21.791 --> 00:39:24.041
Sweetie, I paid you
for the whole night, remember?
692
00:39:24.125 --> 00:39:27.291
I hurt my back doing my exercises,
and I wanted to get to bed early.
693
00:39:27.375 --> 00:39:29.875
Well, that's too bad. What happened?
694
00:39:29.958 --> 00:39:32.291
-I lost my grip doing my chin-ups,
695
00:39:32.375 --> 00:39:34.333
and I fell on my heels
and twisted my back.
696
00:39:34.416 --> 00:39:36.458
You shouldn't wear heels
when you do chin-ups!
697
00:39:38.833 --> 00:39:41.833
I shouldn't do chin-ups.
I got a weak grip.
698
00:39:41.916 --> 00:39:44.833
Aw, weak grip. In my day,
it used to be called a limp wrist.
699
00:39:44.916 --> 00:39:46.625
Who can remember that far back?
700
00:39:46.708 --> 00:39:49.666
-What's your card say?
-Here. Read it.
701
00:39:52.708 --> 00:39:56.000
"Dear Harold, bang-bang. You're alive."
702
00:39:56.083 --> 00:39:58.583
"Now roll over and play dead."
703
00:39:58.666 --> 00:40:01.125
-"Happy Birthday, Emory."
704
00:40:01.208 --> 00:40:02.958
Sheer poetry, Emmy.
705
00:40:03.041 --> 00:40:05.083
And in your usual good taste.
706
00:40:05.166 --> 00:40:08.333
So conservative of you
to resist a sign in Times Square.
707
00:40:10.541 --> 00:40:14.291
-Cheese it, here comes the socialite nun.
-Shit. God damn it, Emory.
708
00:40:17.916 --> 00:40:20.458
Well, I'm off.
Thanks, Michael, for the drink.
709
00:40:20.541 --> 00:40:23.041
Oh, you're entirely welcome.
So I'll see you tomorrow?
710
00:40:23.125 --> 00:40:27.208
No. No, I think I'm gonna be awfully busy.
Might even go back to Washington.
711
00:40:27.291 --> 00:40:30.125
-Got a heavy date in Lafayette Square?
712
00:40:30.208 --> 00:40:31.625
-What?
- Emory.
713
00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:35.041
Forget it.
714
00:40:37.000 --> 00:40:38.208
Are you Harold?
715
00:40:38.291 --> 00:40:41.083
No, he's not Harold. He's for Harold.
716
00:40:44.750 --> 00:40:48.000
-Goodbye, Hank. It was nice to meet you.
-Same here, Alan.
717
00:40:48.083 --> 00:40:50.125
If you're in Washington,
I'd like you to meet my wife.
718
00:40:50.208 --> 00:40:52.250
That'd be fun. Wouldn't it, Hank?
719
00:40:52.333 --> 00:40:54.833
Yeah, I'm sure they'd love to meet him…
720
00:40:54.916 --> 00:40:56.083
Her.
721
00:40:57.333 --> 00:41:00.791
I have such a problem with pronouns.
722
00:41:00.875 --> 00:41:02.833
How many S's are in the word pronoun?
723
00:41:04.625 --> 00:41:07.791
How'd you like to kiss my ass?
That's got two more S's in it.
724
00:41:08.833 --> 00:41:10.750
-How'd you like to blow me?
-Mmm.
725
00:41:11.583 --> 00:41:13.750
What's wrong with your wife?
She got lockjaw?
726
00:41:13.833 --> 00:41:15.750
Faggot! Fairy!
727
00:41:18.500 --> 00:41:20.791
-Emory!
- You goddamn freak.
728
00:41:28.041 --> 00:41:31.125
Motherfucker!
I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!
729
00:41:38.250 --> 00:41:40.416
Fucking faggot! Faggot!
730
00:41:41.166 --> 00:41:42.416
-Get some ice!
- Freak!
731
00:41:42.500 --> 00:41:44.208
What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
732
00:41:45.583 --> 00:41:46.625
Just relax.
733
00:41:46.708 --> 00:41:48.833
He just
busted your lip, love. Larry?
734
00:41:48.916 --> 00:41:50.291
-Here.
735
00:41:51.875 --> 00:41:53.583
- Jesus.
- Damn it.
736
00:42:00.166 --> 00:42:02.208
Do you mind waiting
over there with the gifts?
737
00:42:08.208 --> 00:42:11.375
Well, Harold! Happy birthday.
738
00:42:11.916 --> 00:42:13.625
You're just in time for the floor show,
739
00:42:14.208 --> 00:42:17.000
which you can see is on the floor.
740
00:42:17.083 --> 00:42:19.333
Hey, you, this is Harold.
741
00:42:20.250 --> 00:42:21.958
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
742
00:42:22.041 --> 00:42:25.583
♪ Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Harold ♪
743
00:42:25.666 --> 00:42:27.541
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
744
00:43:06.500 --> 00:43:08.250
What's so fucking funny?
745
00:43:13.166 --> 00:43:14.125
Life.
746
00:43:15.750 --> 00:43:19.375
Life is a goddamned laugh riot.
You remember life?
747
00:43:19.458 --> 00:43:21.666
-You're stoned.
-Happy birthday, Harold.
748
00:43:21.750 --> 00:43:23.750
You're stoned, and you're late.
749
00:43:23.833 --> 00:43:25.500
You were supposed
to arrive at this location
750
00:43:25.583 --> 00:43:28.291
at approximately 8:30 dash 9:00.
751
00:43:29.750 --> 00:43:31.166
What I am, Michael,
752
00:43:32.416 --> 00:43:37.416
is a 32-year-old,
ugly, pock-marked, Jew fairy,
753
00:43:38.125 --> 00:43:41.583
and if it takes me a while
to pull myself together,
754
00:43:42.166 --> 00:43:45.583
and if I smoke a little grass
before I can get up the nerve
755
00:43:45.666 --> 00:43:47.416
to show this face to the world,
756
00:43:48.541 --> 00:43:52.750
then it's nobody's
goddamn business but my own.
757
00:43:54.791 --> 00:43:56.625
And how are you this evening?
758
00:43:57.208 --> 00:43:58.958
Happy birthday, Hallie.
759
00:44:00.083 --> 00:44:02.166
- What happened to you?
-Don't ask.
760
00:44:02.250 --> 00:44:03.458
Your lips are turning blue.
761
00:44:03.541 --> 00:44:05.458
You look like
you've been rimming a snowman.
762
00:44:05.541 --> 00:44:07.458
That piss-elegant kooze hit me.
763
00:44:07.541 --> 00:44:10.666
Careful, Emory. That kind of talk
just makes him so nervous.
764
00:44:10.750 --> 00:44:11.875
Who is she?
765
00:44:12.458 --> 00:44:13.666
Who was she?
766
00:44:14.333 --> 00:44:16.375
Who does she hope to be?
767
00:44:16.458 --> 00:44:18.208
Who knows? Who cares?
768
00:44:18.291 --> 00:44:20.166
His name is Alan McCarthy.
769
00:44:21.416 --> 00:44:25.666
Not the famous college chum?
Is this my surprise from you, Michael?
770
00:44:25.750 --> 00:44:27.791
I think Alan is the one
who got the surprise.
771
00:44:27.875 --> 00:44:31.625
- You'll notice he's speechless.
-I hope she's in shock! She's a beast!
772
00:44:32.458 --> 00:44:33.875
Is it his birthday, too?
773
00:44:33.958 --> 00:44:36.916
- That's your surprise.
-Speaking of beasts.
774
00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:39.000
From me to you, darling.
How do you like it?
775
00:44:39.083 --> 00:44:42.625
Well, I suppose
he has an interesting face and body,
776
00:44:42.708 --> 00:44:46.583
but it turns me right off 'cause
he can't talk intelligently about art.
777
00:44:46.666 --> 00:44:48.500
Yeah, ain't it a shame?
778
00:44:48.583 --> 00:44:51.416
-I could never love anyone like that.
-Never. Who could?
779
00:44:51.500 --> 00:44:54.416
I could and you could, that's who could.
780
00:44:54.500 --> 00:44:56.291
Mary, she's gorgeous.
781
00:44:56.875 --> 00:44:59.250
She may be dumb, but she's all yours.
782
00:44:59.333 --> 00:45:03.125
I think my present is a super surprise.
I'm so thrilled to get it.
783
00:45:03.208 --> 00:45:06.583
I would kiss you,
but I don't want to get blood all over me.
784
00:45:06.666 --> 00:45:08.500
Look at my top!
785
00:45:09.250 --> 00:45:11.250
Wait till you see your face.
786
00:45:11.333 --> 00:45:14.625
Come on, Emory. Let's clean you up, hmm?
Happy birthday, Harold.
787
00:45:15.250 --> 00:45:17.541
-Thanks, love.
- Top is ruined.
788
00:45:17.625 --> 00:45:19.291
Take one of mine
from the bedroom.
789
00:45:19.375 --> 00:45:21.166
The one on the floor is vicuña.
790
00:45:22.250 --> 00:45:25.250
Just another birthday party
with the folks.
791
00:45:26.416 --> 00:45:30.541
Here's a cold bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé
I bought especially for you, kiddo.
792
00:45:30.625 --> 00:45:34.208
Pussycat, all is forgiven. You can stay.
793
00:45:34.791 --> 00:45:39.208
No. You can stay,
but not all is forgiven. Cheers.
794
00:45:44.958 --> 00:45:48.125
Who asked Mr. Right
to celebrate my birthday?
795
00:45:49.125 --> 00:45:50.916
There are no accidents.
796
00:45:51.666 --> 00:45:53.000
And who asked him?
797
00:45:54.541 --> 00:45:55.375
Guilty.
798
00:45:56.041 --> 00:45:58.375
Always got to have
your crutch, haven't you?
799
00:45:58.458 --> 00:45:59.708
I'm not leaving.
800
00:45:59.791 --> 00:46:02.541
I feel sick. I think I'm gonna throw up.
801
00:46:02.625 --> 00:46:05.875
Say that again, and I won't
have to take my appetite suppressants.
802
00:46:05.958 --> 00:46:09.250
-Easy does it. One step at a time.
803
00:46:20.125 --> 00:46:23.125
I am not ready
for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
804
00:46:25.583 --> 00:46:27.750
Nor will I be for the next two weeks.
805
00:46:27.833 --> 00:46:30.958
Oh, my God! He's after me again!
806
00:46:31.041 --> 00:46:33.458
-He's sick.
-Yeah, sick in the head.
807
00:46:35.833 --> 00:46:38.125
Mary, take me home.
These queens are crazy.
808
00:46:40.666 --> 00:46:41.833
Turning on.
809
00:46:45.791 --> 00:46:48.958
-Anybody care to join me?
-Many thanks. No.
810
00:46:49.875 --> 00:46:51.250
No, thank you.
811
00:46:51.875 --> 00:46:54.041
How about you, Tex?
812
00:46:54.666 --> 00:46:55.625
Yeah.
813
00:46:57.125 --> 00:47:01.583
Michael, I left the casserole
in the oven. Take it out anytime.
814
00:47:01.666 --> 00:47:02.750
You're not going.
815
00:47:02.833 --> 00:47:05.750
- I couldn't eat now anyway.
-Well, I'm absolutely starving.
816
00:47:05.833 --> 00:47:07.416
I'll eat until I have a fat attack.
817
00:47:07.500 --> 00:47:09.541
I said you're not going.
818
00:47:09.625 --> 00:47:11.250
Beware the hostile fag.
819
00:47:11.333 --> 00:47:14.583
When he's sober, he's dangerous.
When he drinks, he's lethal.
820
00:47:14.666 --> 00:47:17.625
-Attention must not be paid.
- Well, I'm starved, Em.
821
00:47:17.708 --> 00:47:21.666
I'm ready for some of your
Alice B. Toklas' opium-baked lasagna.
822
00:47:21.750 --> 00:47:24.375
Are you really? Aw.
823
00:47:24.458 --> 00:47:27.458
That makes me so pleased.
Maybe I'll serve it before I leave.
824
00:47:27.541 --> 00:47:30.291
Nobody is going anywhere.
825
00:47:31.458 --> 00:47:34.041
You're gonna have schmertz tomorrow
you wouldn't believe.
826
00:47:34.125 --> 00:47:36.500
-Hey, do a figure-eight on that.
827
00:47:37.416 --> 00:47:41.291
I'm turning on. You're just turning.
828
00:47:41.375 --> 00:47:44.541
-Michael? Is there any air spray?
- Hairspray?
829
00:47:45.166 --> 00:47:48.666
You're supposed to be holding his head,
not doing his hair.
830
00:47:48.750 --> 00:47:50.083
Air spray, not hairspray.
831
00:47:50.166 --> 00:47:52.416
There's a can of floral spray
on top of the john.
832
00:47:52.500 --> 00:47:53.666
Thanks.
833
00:47:53.750 --> 00:47:57.000
I keep my grass
in the medicine cabinet in a Band-Aid box.
834
00:47:57.083 --> 00:47:58.833
Somebody told me it's the safest place.
835
00:47:58.916 --> 00:48:01.250
If the cops arrive,
you can lock yourself in the bathroom
836
00:48:01.333 --> 00:48:02.625
and flush it down the john.
837
00:48:02.708 --> 00:48:03.916
That's very cagey.
838
00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:05.833
Makes more sense
than where I was keeping it.
839
00:48:05.916 --> 00:48:08.208
In an oregano jar in the spice rack.
840
00:48:08.875 --> 00:48:13.000
I kept forgetting, and accidentally
turning my hateful mother on with a salad,
841
00:48:13.916 --> 00:48:15.083
but I think she likes it.
842
00:48:15.166 --> 00:48:18.625
No matter what meal she comes over for,
even if it's breakfast, she says,
843
00:48:18.708 --> 00:48:19.791
"Let's have a salad!"
844
00:48:25.250 --> 00:48:28.958
You are definitely the type
that still moves his lips when he reads,
845
00:48:29.625 --> 00:48:31.083
and who sits in a steam room
846
00:48:31.166 --> 00:48:33.583
and says things like,
"Hot enough for you?"
847
00:48:33.666 --> 00:48:36.250
I never use the steam room
when I go to the gym.
848
00:48:36.875 --> 00:48:39.208
It's bad after a workout.
It flattens you down.
849
00:48:40.541 --> 00:48:44.833
Just after you've broken your back
to blow yourself up like a poisoned dog?
850
00:48:46.416 --> 00:48:48.791
-Yeah.
- You're right, Harold.
851
00:48:49.833 --> 00:48:52.708
Not only can he not
talk intelligently about art,
852
00:48:52.791 --> 00:48:55.750
he can't even follow
from one sentence to the next.
853
00:48:56.625 --> 00:48:58.041
But he's beautiful.
854
00:48:58.916 --> 00:49:01.541
He has unnatural natural beauty.
855
00:49:02.208 --> 00:49:05.125
-Not that that means anything.
-It doesn't mean everything.
856
00:49:05.208 --> 00:49:08.708
Keep telling yourself that
as your hair drops out in handfuls.
857
00:49:09.541 --> 00:49:14.708
Not that it's not natural for one's hair
to recede as one reaches seniority.
858
00:49:15.750 --> 00:49:19.208
You know, faggots are worse
than women about their age.
859
00:49:19.291 --> 00:49:21.500
They think their lives are over at 30.
860
00:49:21.583 --> 00:49:24.708
Physical beauty
is not that goddamned important.
861
00:49:24.791 --> 00:49:27.041
Well, of course it's not. How could it be?
862
00:49:27.125 --> 00:49:29.041
It's only in the eye of the beholder.
863
00:49:29.125 --> 00:49:33.375
And it's only skin-deep.
Don't forget about that one.
864
00:49:34.833 --> 00:49:37.791
Oh, no,
I haven't forgotten that one at all.
865
00:49:38.291 --> 00:49:42.375
It's only skin-deep,
and it's transitory, too.
866
00:49:42.458 --> 00:49:44.708
It's terribly transitory.
867
00:49:44.791 --> 00:49:50.416
I mean, how long does it last?
30 or 40 or 50 years at the most?
868
00:49:50.500 --> 00:49:54.833
Yes, it's too bad
about this poor boy's face.
869
00:49:55.833 --> 00:49:57.000
It's tragic.
870
00:49:57.625 --> 00:49:59.875
He's absolutely cursed.
871
00:50:01.041 --> 00:50:04.916
And how could his beauty
ever compare with my soul?
872
00:50:05.666 --> 00:50:07.625
And although I have never seen my soul,
873
00:50:07.708 --> 00:50:10.875
I understand from my mother's rabbi
that it's a knockout.
874
00:50:11.791 --> 00:50:14.791
I, however, cannot seem
to locate it for a gander,
875
00:50:14.875 --> 00:50:17.833
and if I could,
I would sell it in a flash
876
00:50:17.916 --> 00:50:21.750
for some skin-deep,
transitory, meaningless beauty.
877
00:50:21.833 --> 00:50:24.541
Forgive him, Father,
for he know not what he do.
878
00:50:24.625 --> 00:50:27.125
Oh, Michael, you kill me.
879
00:50:27.208 --> 00:50:29.083
You don't know
which side of the fence you're on.
880
00:50:29.166 --> 00:50:31.708
If somebody says something pro-religion,
you're against them.
881
00:50:31.791 --> 00:50:34.166
If somebody denies God,
you're against them.
882
00:50:34.833 --> 00:50:37.333
One might say
you have a problem in this area.
883
00:50:37.416 --> 00:50:39.791
You can't live with it,
you can't live without it.
884
00:50:39.875 --> 00:50:41.458
-Hot stuff coming through!
-Hey!
885
00:50:41.541 --> 00:50:44.625
You know what? One could murder you
with very little effort.
886
00:50:44.708 --> 00:50:48.708
You hang on to that great
insurance policy called the church.
887
00:50:48.791 --> 00:50:50.541
That's right, I believe in God.
888
00:50:50.625 --> 00:50:54.416
And if it turns out that there
really isn't one? Okay, nothing lost.
889
00:50:54.500 --> 00:50:57.208
But if it turns out that there is,
I'm covered.
890
00:50:57.291 --> 00:50:59.958
Harriet Hypocrite, that's who you are.
891
00:51:00.041 --> 00:51:03.000
Right. I am one
of those truly rotten Catholics
892
00:51:03.083 --> 00:51:06.791
who gets drunk, sins all night,
and goes to Mass the next morning.
893
00:51:06.875 --> 00:51:09.541
It depends on what you think sin is.
894
00:51:09.625 --> 00:51:13.458
Would you shut your minty mouth
and get back to the goddamn kitchen?
895
00:51:14.875 --> 00:51:17.333
Say whatever you want. Just don't hit me.
896
00:51:18.708 --> 00:51:21.333
Well, is it bigger than a breadstick?
897
00:51:21.416 --> 00:51:23.250
He's laying down for a little bit.
898
00:51:23.333 --> 00:51:25.625
-How does the bathroom smell?
-Better.
899
00:51:25.708 --> 00:51:28.000
-Before it smelled like somebody puked.
900
00:51:28.083 --> 00:51:30.583
Now it smells like somebody
puked in a gardenia patch.
901
00:51:30.666 --> 00:51:32.666
Dinner is served!
902
00:51:35.083 --> 00:51:36.666
What would you like, big boy?
903
00:51:36.750 --> 00:51:39.291
Alan McCarthy, and don't hold the mayo.
904
00:51:39.375 --> 00:51:42.833
Oh, Em, it looks absolutely fabulous.
905
00:51:42.916 --> 00:51:44.583
I'd make somebody a good wife.
906
00:51:44.666 --> 00:51:46.583
-What is it?
-Lasagna.
907
00:51:46.666 --> 00:51:49.833
Looks like spaghetti and meatballs
sort of flattened out.
908
00:51:51.166 --> 00:51:54.041
-Well, it's been in the steam room.
909
00:51:54.125 --> 00:51:55.833
-It has?
-Oh, my God.
910
00:51:56.500 --> 00:52:00.458
"It looks like spaghetti and meatballs
sort of flattened out."
911
00:52:00.541 --> 00:52:02.916
Oh, yes, Harold, truly enviable.
912
00:52:03.000 --> 00:52:06.833
As opposed to you,
who knows so much about haute cuisine.
913
00:52:06.916 --> 00:52:10.458
Raconteur, gourmet, troll.
914
00:52:11.083 --> 00:52:12.875
-It's good.
-You like it? Eat it.
915
00:52:12.958 --> 00:52:14.875
Stuff your mouth
so you can't say anything.
916
00:52:14.958 --> 00:52:15.791
Turning.
917
00:52:15.875 --> 00:52:17.416
- Wine?
- No, thank you.
918
00:52:17.500 --> 00:52:19.833
Oh, go on, kiddo. Force yourself.
919
00:52:19.916 --> 00:52:23.541
Have a little vin ordinaire
to wash down all that depressed pasta.
920
00:52:23.625 --> 00:52:27.333
Sommelier, connoisseur, pig.
921
00:52:28.250 --> 00:52:29.708
Aren't you gonna have any?
922
00:52:29.791 --> 00:52:33.750
No, my lip hurts too much to eat.
Anybody gonna bring a plate up to Alan?
923
00:52:33.833 --> 00:52:37.833
Oh. The punching bag
is now dissolved into Flo Nightingale.
924
00:52:37.916 --> 00:52:39.375
Do you like it, Hallie?
925
00:52:39.458 --> 00:52:42.750
Mmm. I'm having seconds and thirds
and maybe even fifths.
926
00:52:42.833 --> 00:52:45.250
I'm absolutely desperate
to keep the weight up.
927
00:52:46.708 --> 00:52:50.083
You're absolutely paranoid
about absolutely everything.
928
00:52:50.166 --> 00:52:54.125
Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you
not tell me about it?
929
00:52:54.916 --> 00:52:57.125
You starve yourself all day
930
00:52:57.208 --> 00:52:59.625
so that you can
gorge yourself at one meal,
931
00:52:59.708 --> 00:53:04.500
and then you moan and groan about
how fat you are and how ugly you are,
932
00:53:04.583 --> 00:53:08.000
when the truth is you're no fatter
or thinner than you ever were.
933
00:53:08.083 --> 00:53:10.333
-Polly Paranoia.
-This is great, Emory.
934
00:53:10.416 --> 00:53:13.666
Connie Casserole. No trouble at all.
Oh, Mary, don't ask.
935
00:53:13.750 --> 00:53:18.250
Oh! Oh! And this pathological lateness,
that's downright crazy.
936
00:53:18.333 --> 00:53:19.333
Turning!
937
00:53:19.416 --> 00:53:22.291
Standing before a bathroom mirror
for hours and hours
938
00:53:22.375 --> 00:53:24.791
before you can walk out on the street,
939
00:53:24.875 --> 00:53:29.041
and looking no different
after Christ knows how many applications
940
00:53:29.125 --> 00:53:33.916
of Christ knows how many
ointments and salves and creams and masks.
941
00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:37.208
I've got bad skin. What can I tell you?
942
00:53:37.291 --> 00:53:40.041
Who wouldn't after they deliberately
take a pair of tweezers
943
00:53:40.125 --> 00:53:42.791
and deliberately mutilate their pores?
944
00:53:42.875 --> 00:53:44.666
There's no wonder
you got holes in your face
945
00:53:44.750 --> 00:53:48.583
after the hack job you have done
on yourself year in and year out.
946
00:53:48.666 --> 00:53:50.916
King of the pig people.
947
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:54.041
Yes, you've got scars on your face,
but they're not that bad.
948
00:53:54.125 --> 00:53:56.041
And if you'd leave yourself alone,
949
00:53:56.125 --> 00:53:59.125
you wouldn't have any more
than you've already awarded yourself.
950
00:54:00.541 --> 00:54:03.916
You'd really like me
to compliment you now, wouldn't you,
951
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:05.333
for how honest you're being?
952
00:54:06.458 --> 00:54:08.250
For being my best friend who will tell me
953
00:54:08.333 --> 00:54:12.458
what even my best friends won't tell me,
you hateful sow.
954
00:54:12.541 --> 00:54:14.625
And the pills!
955
00:54:14.708 --> 00:54:16.958
Harold has been gathering, saving,
956
00:54:17.041 --> 00:54:19.708
and storing up barbiturates
for the past year
957
00:54:19.791 --> 00:54:21.375
like a goddamn squirrel.
958
00:54:21.458 --> 00:54:24.375
Hundreds of Nembutals,
hundreds of Seconals.
959
00:54:24.458 --> 00:54:26.250
All in preparation for,
960
00:54:26.333 --> 00:54:30.291
and anticipation of,
the long winter of his death.
961
00:54:30.375 --> 00:54:31.958
I'll tell you right now, Hallie,
962
00:54:32.041 --> 00:54:35.416
when the time comes,
you'll never have the guts.
963
00:54:36.041 --> 00:54:38.333
It's not always like it happens in plays.
964
00:54:38.416 --> 00:54:42.000
Not all faggots bump themselves off
at the end of the story.
965
00:54:46.625 --> 00:54:49.208
-What you say may be true.
966
00:54:50.208 --> 00:54:52.416
Time will undoubtedly tell.
967
00:54:53.333 --> 00:54:56.333
But in the meantime,
you've left out one detail.
968
00:54:58.375 --> 00:55:01.666
The cosmetics
and astringents are paid for,
969
00:55:02.625 --> 00:55:05.208
the bathroom is paid for,
970
00:55:05.916 --> 00:55:07.666
the tweezers are paid for,
971
00:55:07.750 --> 00:55:12.625
and the pills… are paid for.
972
00:55:19.125 --> 00:55:22.166
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
973
00:55:22.250 --> 00:55:26.625
- Oh, Jesus.
-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
974
00:55:26.708 --> 00:55:30.750
♪ Happy birthday, dear Harold ♪
975
00:55:32.458 --> 00:55:34.666
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
976
00:55:34.750 --> 00:55:36.041
You're so sweet.
977
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:39.541
Blow out the candles, Mary,
and make a wish!
978
00:55:39.625 --> 00:55:41.083
Blow out your candles, Laura.
979
00:55:49.583 --> 00:55:53.125
- She's 32 years young!
- Oh, my God.
980
00:55:53.208 --> 00:55:56.041
-Now you have to open your gifts.
-Start with this one.
981
00:55:56.125 --> 00:55:59.041
Presents! Where's the card?
982
00:55:59.125 --> 00:56:01.083
-Uh…
- Here.
983
00:56:01.875 --> 00:56:04.291
-Oh, from Larry.
- Larry.
984
00:56:04.375 --> 00:56:06.083
Why would you put it on the back?
985
00:56:09.375 --> 00:56:14.208
Oh, it's heaven.
Oh, I just love it, Larry.
986
00:56:14.291 --> 00:56:16.875
-What is it?
-The deed to Boardwalk.
987
00:56:16.958 --> 00:56:19.375
- Aw. Gay pop art.
988
00:56:20.083 --> 00:56:22.666
Oh, Larry, it's super.
It goes up the minute I get home.
989
00:56:22.750 --> 00:56:24.166
-Oh, good.
- I don't get it.
990
00:56:24.250 --> 00:56:25.958
You cruise Atlantic City or something?
991
00:56:26.875 --> 00:56:28.583
How much did you pay for him?
992
00:56:29.250 --> 00:56:33.375
-He was a steal.
-I'm not a steal. I cost $20.
993
00:56:35.583 --> 00:56:38.291
And what do you do for $20?
994
00:56:38.875 --> 00:56:39.958
I do my best.
995
00:56:40.041 --> 00:56:43.416
Oh, what a nifty sweater.
996
00:56:44.416 --> 00:56:45.625
Thank you, Hank.
997
00:56:45.708 --> 00:56:47.750
You can take it back,
exchange it for something else.
998
00:56:47.833 --> 00:56:52.833
-No, I think this one is just… nifty.
999
00:56:54.166 --> 00:56:55.791
-Who wants cake?
- Everybody?
1000
00:56:55.875 --> 00:56:56.791
None for me.
1001
00:56:56.875 --> 00:56:58.291
-There you go.
-Thanks.
1002
00:56:58.875 --> 00:57:02.208
Oh, Bernard! How divine!
1003
00:57:02.291 --> 00:57:05.083
Look, everybody, bejeweled knee pads.
1004
00:57:07.666 --> 00:57:08.958
Monogrammed.
1005
00:57:09.541 --> 00:57:11.166
Bernard, you're a camp!
1006
00:57:23.125 --> 00:57:24.333
Thank you, Michael.
1007
00:57:25.083 --> 00:57:26.000
What?
1008
00:57:27.458 --> 00:57:28.458
Oh.
1009
00:57:30.750 --> 00:57:33.333
-You're welcome.
- What is it, Harold?
1010
00:57:34.083 --> 00:57:36.375
It's a photograph of him
in a silver frame,
1011
00:57:36.458 --> 00:57:39.166
and there's an inscription engraved
and the date.
1012
00:57:39.958 --> 00:57:41.000
What's it say?
1013
00:57:46.750 --> 00:57:48.458
Just something personal.
1014
00:57:51.041 --> 00:57:54.875
Hey, Bernard, what do you say we have
a little music to liven things up?
1015
00:57:54.958 --> 00:57:58.333
-Okay.
-Yeah, I feel like dancing.
1016
00:58:00.583 --> 00:58:01.625
Come on, Michael.
1017
00:58:02.458 --> 00:58:04.375
Oh, no, thanks. I can only lead.
1018
00:58:05.166 --> 00:58:08.958
- I can follow.
-Oh, I think I'll sip this one out.
1019
00:58:09.041 --> 00:58:09.875
Ha!
1020
00:58:17.708 --> 00:58:20.625
♪ You see this guy? ♪
1021
00:58:22.458 --> 00:58:26.291
♪ This guy's in love with you ♪
1022
00:58:29.083 --> 00:58:31.916
♪ Yes, I'm in love ♪
1023
00:58:33.791 --> 00:58:39.000
♪ Who looks at you the way I do? ♪
1024
00:58:39.791 --> 00:58:44.833
♪ When you smile I can tell ♪
1025
00:58:44.916 --> 00:58:50.500
♪ We know each other very well ♪
1026
00:58:51.083 --> 00:58:55.541
♪ How can I show you ♪
1027
00:58:56.708 --> 00:59:02.291
♪ I'm glad I got to know you? ♪
1028
00:59:02.375 --> 00:59:06.583
♪ 'Cause I've heard some talk ♪
1029
00:59:06.666 --> 00:59:07.666
Come on, Tex.
1030
00:59:08.333 --> 00:59:12.125
-♪ They say you think I'm fine ♪
-You're on.
1031
00:59:14.875 --> 00:59:17.958
♪ Yes, I'm in love ♪
1032
00:59:19.750 --> 00:59:25.166
♪ And what I'd do to make you mine ♪
1033
00:59:25.666 --> 00:59:30.833
♪ Tell me now, is it so? ♪
1034
00:59:30.916 --> 00:59:36.333
♪ Don't let me be the last to know ♪
1035
00:59:36.416 --> 00:59:41.375
♪ My hands are shaking ♪
1036
00:59:42.625 --> 00:59:48.166
♪ Don't let my heart keep breaking ♪
1037
00:59:48.250 --> 00:59:52.500
♪ 'Cause I need your love ♪
1038
00:59:54.875 --> 00:59:58.000
♪ I want your love ♪
1039
01:00:00.666 --> 01:00:03.250
♪ Say you're in love ♪
1040
01:00:04.666 --> 01:00:08.583
♪ In love with this guy ♪
1041
01:00:13.291 --> 01:00:17.541
♪ If not, I'll just die ♪
1042
01:00:17.625 --> 01:00:19.041
Shit.
1043
01:00:20.958 --> 01:00:22.916
-Michael!
- Everybody, help clean up.
1044
01:00:26.916 --> 01:00:28.791
Go, go, go! Come on!
1045
01:00:33.583 --> 01:00:36.250
-Come here, kid.
1046
01:00:39.833 --> 01:00:42.625
- Everybody, hurry up!
- Close the door!
1047
01:00:44.375 --> 01:00:46.208
- Come on, guys.
- Come on.
1048
01:00:47.791 --> 01:00:49.166
Get the fuck inside.
1049
01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:51.875
- Oh God.
1050
01:00:51.958 --> 01:00:53.208
I'm dripping all over.
1051
01:00:55.083 --> 01:00:57.208
Take a towel.
Don't get the goddamn furniture wet.
1052
01:00:57.291 --> 01:01:00.458
-Here. Towel. Dry off.
-Jesus, Michael.
1053
01:01:00.541 --> 01:01:02.125
-Thanks. Thanks, Michael.
1054
01:01:05.208 --> 01:01:06.208
Wanna dance?
1055
01:01:06.291 --> 01:01:08.833
Uh-oh, Yvonne the Terrible is back.
1056
01:01:09.500 --> 01:01:11.833
Oh, hello, Alan. You feel better?
1057
01:01:13.458 --> 01:01:15.791
Oh, no. No, no, no. Alan, no.
1058
01:01:16.500 --> 01:01:20.833
As they say in the Deep South,
don't rush off in this inclement weather.
1059
01:01:20.916 --> 01:01:22.250
You'll never get a cab.
1060
01:01:22.333 --> 01:01:24.416
Revolution complete.
1061
01:01:24.500 --> 01:01:27.916
You missed the cake
and you missed the opening of the gifts,
1062
01:01:28.000 --> 01:01:29.500
but you're still in luck.
1063
01:01:29.583 --> 01:01:32.208
You're just in time for a party game.
1064
01:01:32.291 --> 01:01:34.125
Hey, everybody, game time.
1065
01:01:34.208 --> 01:01:36.291
Michael, why don't you just let him go?
1066
01:01:36.916 --> 01:01:38.333
He can go if he wants to,
1067
01:01:39.083 --> 01:01:41.375
but not before we play a little game.
1068
01:01:41.458 --> 01:01:43.708
What's it gonna be, movie-star gin?
1069
01:01:43.791 --> 01:01:48.625
No. No, that's too faggy for Alan to play.
He wouldn't be any good at it.
1070
01:01:48.708 --> 01:01:50.958
What would you like to play, Michael?
The Truth Game?
1071
01:01:51.541 --> 01:01:52.458
Cute, Hallie.
1072
01:01:52.541 --> 01:01:54.583
Or would you like to play Murder?
1073
01:01:54.666 --> 01:01:57.750
-You all remember that one, don't you?
- Very, very cute.
1074
01:01:57.833 --> 01:01:59.625
As I recall, they're quite similar.
1075
01:01:59.708 --> 01:02:02.416
The rules are the same in both:
you kill somebody.
1076
01:02:03.291 --> 01:02:05.250
-Mickey, I'm leaving.
-Stay where you are.
1077
01:02:05.333 --> 01:02:08.958
-Michael, let him go.
- He really doesn't want to.
1078
01:02:09.041 --> 01:02:11.750
If he did, he'd have left a long time ago,
1079
01:02:11.833 --> 01:02:13.750
or he wouldn't have come
in the first place.
1080
01:02:13.833 --> 01:02:16.291
-Mickey. I don't feel--
-My name is Michael.
1081
01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:17.958
I'm called Michael.
1082
01:02:18.625 --> 01:02:21.500
You must never call
anyone called Michael "Mickey."
1083
01:02:22.625 --> 01:02:26.000
Those of us who are named Michael
get very nervous about it.
1084
01:02:27.541 --> 01:02:29.166
If you don't believe it, try it.
1085
01:02:30.875 --> 01:02:32.208
I'm sorry. I…
1086
01:02:33.875 --> 01:02:35.333
I can't think.
1087
01:02:35.416 --> 01:02:36.958
You can think.
1088
01:02:37.916 --> 01:02:39.500
What you can't do is leave.
1089
01:02:39.583 --> 01:02:41.750
It's like watching
an accident on a highway.
1090
01:02:41.833 --> 01:02:44.333
You can't look at it,
and you can't look away.
1091
01:03:07.791 --> 01:03:10.041
Who's going to play
with Alan and me? Everyone?
1092
01:03:10.125 --> 01:03:13.875
-I have no intention of playing.
-Yeah, nor do I.
1093
01:03:13.958 --> 01:03:16.125
Well, not everyone
is a participant in life.
1094
01:03:16.208 --> 01:03:19.083
There are always those
who stand on the sidelines and watch.
1095
01:03:19.166 --> 01:03:21.708
-What's the game?
- Simply this:
1096
01:03:22.500 --> 01:03:25.250
We all have to call on the telephone
1097
01:03:25.333 --> 01:03:29.916
the one person
we truly believe we have loved.
1098
01:03:31.791 --> 01:03:34.625
-I'm not playing.
-Oh, yes, you are.
1099
01:03:35.250 --> 01:03:37.916
-You'd like for me to play.
-I'd like to know who you'd call
1100
01:03:38.000 --> 01:03:40.375
after all the fancy speeches
I've heard lately.
1101
01:03:40.458 --> 01:03:42.875
Who'd you call, Hank? Would you call me?
1102
01:03:42.958 --> 01:03:46.291
Oh! Sounds like there's,
how you say, trouble in paradise.
1103
01:03:46.375 --> 01:03:49.250
Well, if there isn't,
I'm sure you could stir up some.
1104
01:03:49.333 --> 01:03:51.375
And who would you call? Hmm?
1105
01:03:52.041 --> 01:03:54.458
Don't think I think for one minute
that it would be me.
1106
01:03:55.166 --> 01:03:57.583
Or that one call would do it.
You'd have to make several.
1107
01:03:57.666 --> 01:04:00.250
Three long-distance,
God only knows how many locals.
1108
01:04:00.333 --> 01:04:02.833
-I'm glad I don't have to pay the bill.
-Quiet.
1109
01:04:02.916 --> 01:04:05.833
Don't worry.
Michael won't pay it either.
1110
01:04:06.375 --> 01:04:10.875
Now, here's how it works.
If you make the call, you get one point.
1111
01:04:10.958 --> 01:04:13.958
If the person you are calling answers,
you get two more points.
1112
01:04:14.041 --> 01:04:16.041
Somebody else answers, you only get one.
1113
01:04:16.125 --> 01:04:18.375
And if there's no answer at all…
1114
01:04:18.958 --> 01:04:19.958
you're screwed.
1115
01:04:20.041 --> 01:04:21.833
You're screwed if you make the call.
1116
01:04:21.916 --> 01:04:24.750
When you get the person
whom you are calling on the line,
1117
01:04:24.833 --> 01:04:28.208
if you tell them who you are,
you get two points. And then…
1118
01:04:29.625 --> 01:04:33.083
If you tell them that you love them,
1119
01:04:33.166 --> 01:04:35.958
you get a bonus of five more points.
1120
01:04:36.041 --> 01:04:37.625
-Hateful.
1121
01:04:37.708 --> 01:04:41.416
Therefore, you can get
as many as ten points and as few as one.
1122
01:04:41.500 --> 01:04:44.083
You can get as few as none
if you know how to work it.
1123
01:04:44.166 --> 01:04:45.541
Hank, leave with me?
1124
01:04:45.625 --> 01:04:47.750
Oh, well, now, did you hear that?
1125
01:04:51.500 --> 01:04:53.708
You don't understand, Alan. I can't.
1126
01:04:54.583 --> 01:04:57.166
You can, but I can't.
1127
01:04:57.250 --> 01:04:59.666
If he doesn't understand,
explain it to him.
1128
01:04:59.750 --> 01:05:01.833
-I'll explain it.
-I had a feeling you might.
1129
01:05:01.916 --> 01:05:04.416
Alan, Hank and Larry are lovers.
1130
01:05:05.083 --> 01:05:06.500
They're not roommates.
1131
01:05:06.583 --> 01:05:08.583
-Bedmates, lovers.
-Michael.
1132
01:05:08.666 --> 01:05:11.583
No man's still got a roommate
when he's over 40 years old.
1133
01:05:11.666 --> 01:05:13.583
If they're not lovers, they're sisters.
1134
01:05:13.666 --> 01:05:16.583
-Hank is the one who's over 40.
-Well, you're pushing it.
1135
01:05:17.541 --> 01:05:18.708
Hank.
1136
01:05:21.166 --> 01:05:24.625
Yes, Alan. Larry and I are lovers.
1137
01:05:24.708 --> 01:05:25.541
But…
1138
01:05:26.791 --> 01:05:27.875
But you're married.
1139
01:05:31.875 --> 01:05:33.125
Jesus Christ.
1140
01:05:34.916 --> 01:05:37.625
I think you said the wrong thing.
1141
01:05:37.708 --> 01:05:40.000
Don't you love that quaint little idea?
1142
01:05:40.083 --> 01:05:43.500
If a man's married,
he's automatically heterosexual.
1143
01:05:43.583 --> 01:05:49.708
Alan, Hank swings both ways…
with a definite preference.
1144
01:05:55.416 --> 01:05:58.791
Now… who makes the first call?
1145
01:06:03.208 --> 01:06:05.291
-Emory?
-You go, Bernard.
1146
01:06:05.375 --> 01:06:08.958
-Mm. I don't want to.
-Go on, call up Peter Dahlbeck.
1147
01:06:09.041 --> 01:06:12.000
-That's who you'd like to call, isn't it?
- Who is Peter Dahlbeck?
1148
01:06:12.083 --> 01:06:13.208
The boy in Detroit
1149
01:06:13.291 --> 01:06:15.583
whose family Bernard's mother
has been a laundress for
1150
01:06:15.666 --> 01:06:18.208
since he was a little black-eyed pea.
1151
01:06:20.541 --> 01:06:21.958
I worked for them, too,
1152
01:06:23.083 --> 01:06:24.958
after school and every summer.
1153
01:06:28.666 --> 01:06:30.416
I think I've loved him all my life.
1154
01:06:33.958 --> 01:06:36.083
But he never knew I was alive.
1155
01:06:42.416 --> 01:06:43.958
Besides, he's straight.
1156
01:06:44.041 --> 01:06:45.750
Nothing ever happened between you?
1157
01:06:46.541 --> 01:06:49.083
They finally made it
in the pool house one night
1158
01:06:49.166 --> 01:06:51.083
after a drunken swimming party.
1159
01:06:51.166 --> 01:06:55.458
With the right wine and the right music,
there are damn few that aren't curious.
1160
01:06:55.541 --> 01:06:58.833
And afterwards, we went swimming,
1161
01:06:59.666 --> 01:07:04.333
in the nude, in the dark,
only the moon reflecting the water.
1162
01:07:04.416 --> 01:07:06.166
How romantic.
1163
01:07:06.250 --> 01:07:10.500
And the next morning, you took him
his coffee and Alka-Seltzer on a tray.
1164
01:07:13.125 --> 01:07:16.666
I remember I was worried sick all morning
about having to face him,
1165
01:07:17.458 --> 01:07:20.166
but he pretended
like nothing at all had happened.
1166
01:07:20.250 --> 01:07:23.791
Christ, he must have been so drunk,
he didn't remember a thing.
1167
01:07:23.875 --> 01:07:25.416
Odd how that works.
1168
01:07:25.500 --> 01:07:29.458
And now for ten points,
get that liar on the phone.
1169
01:07:34.416 --> 01:07:36.583
- Mmm!
- Oh!
1170
01:07:43.791 --> 01:07:45.041
You know the number?
1171
01:07:46.083 --> 01:07:49.541
Sure, he's back
in Grosse Pointe, living at home.
1172
01:07:49.625 --> 01:07:51.875
Just got separated from his third wife.
1173
01:07:51.958 --> 01:07:53.166
-Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm-hmm.
1174
01:08:00.541 --> 01:08:02.458
-DA or BY?
-What?
1175
01:08:02.541 --> 01:08:05.625
It's operator lingo.
It means "doesn't answer" or "busy."
1176
01:08:05.708 --> 01:08:07.750
He didn't even give it time
to find out.
1177
01:08:07.833 --> 01:08:11.791
Come on, Bernard. Pick up that phone.
1178
01:08:11.875 --> 01:08:15.166
You know you want to call him.
You know that, don't you?
1179
01:08:16.333 --> 01:08:17.333
Well, go ahead.
1180
01:08:18.125 --> 01:08:22.291
Your curiosity's got the best of you now.
So go on, call him.
1181
01:08:44.541 --> 01:08:45.541
Do it.
1182
01:08:56.916 --> 01:08:58.416
-Hello?
- One point.
1183
01:08:59.125 --> 01:09:00.333
Who's speaking?
1184
01:09:03.125 --> 01:09:04.125
Oh!
1185
01:09:04.958 --> 01:09:07.208
-Mrs. Dahlbeck.
- One point.
1186
01:09:07.291 --> 01:09:08.291
It's Bernard.
1187
01:09:11.041 --> 01:09:12.291
Francine's boy.
1188
01:09:13.166 --> 01:09:15.208
- Son, not boy.
-Shh.
1189
01:09:17.833 --> 01:09:20.750
Oh, just fine, thank you.
1190
01:09:22.375 --> 01:09:25.666
Mrs. Dahlbeck, is-is… Peter at home?
1191
01:09:30.041 --> 01:09:31.166
Oh.
1192
01:09:33.708 --> 01:09:34.583
Oh, I see.
1193
01:09:34.666 --> 01:09:35.666
Oh, shit.
1194
01:09:36.166 --> 01:09:38.000
-Oh, no, no.
1195
01:09:38.583 --> 01:09:42.125
Oh, no, no. No, no.
It-It's nothing important. I, um…
1196
01:09:45.708 --> 01:09:47.458
I just wanted to tell him that…
1197
01:09:51.750 --> 01:09:54.833
Just to tell him that I…
1198
01:09:54.916 --> 01:09:59.708
I love him… and I've always loved him.
1199
01:10:06.125 --> 01:10:08.916
That I was very sorry
to hear about him and his wife.
1200
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:10.041
No points.
1201
01:10:11.708 --> 01:10:13.125
Mama wrote me.
1202
01:10:15.333 --> 01:10:19.166
Yes, it is. It-It-It really is. Well, uh…
1203
01:10:21.291 --> 01:10:25.416
Would you just tell him
that I called and said that I…
1204
01:10:35.166 --> 01:10:36.166
That I, uh…
1205
01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:50.333
I was just very, very sorry to hear
1206
01:10:50.416 --> 01:10:52.916
and hope they can
get everything straightened out.
1207
01:10:55.375 --> 01:10:57.750
Good night. Uh-huh.
1208
01:10:58.666 --> 01:10:59.791
Goodbye.
1209
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:15.416
Two points total.
1210
01:11:15.916 --> 01:11:18.125
-Terrible. Next.
-You all right, Bernard?
1211
01:11:19.916 --> 01:11:20.833
Why did I call?
1212
01:11:22.833 --> 01:11:24.166
Why did I do that?
1213
01:11:24.958 --> 01:11:27.291
-Where was he?
-Out on a date.
1214
01:11:29.958 --> 01:11:30.833
Come on.
1215
01:11:31.333 --> 01:11:32.166
Emory.
1216
01:11:34.166 --> 01:11:35.208
Punch in.
1217
01:11:50.583 --> 01:11:52.458
May I have a number, please?
1218
01:11:53.583 --> 01:11:54.708
In the Bronx.
1219
01:11:57.041 --> 01:11:59.583
For a Delbert Botts.
1220
01:11:59.666 --> 01:12:04.083
A Delbert Botts?
How many could there be?
1221
01:12:04.166 --> 01:12:05.916
Wish I hadn't called now.
1222
01:12:06.000 --> 01:12:07.750
No, the residence number, please.
1223
01:12:18.708 --> 01:12:19.708
Thank you.
1224
01:12:20.500 --> 01:12:23.125
I do wish Information
would stop calling me "ma'am."
1225
01:12:23.208 --> 01:12:24.666
-Hey, by all means,
1226
01:12:24.750 --> 01:12:26.375
scribble all over my phone.
1227
01:12:26.458 --> 01:12:28.375
It comes off with a little spit.
1228
01:12:28.458 --> 01:12:30.500
Ooh, like a lot of things.
1229
01:12:30.583 --> 01:12:32.541
Who the hell is Delbert Botts?
1230
01:12:32.625 --> 01:12:36.541
The one person I've always loved.
That's who you said to call, isn't it?
1231
01:12:36.625 --> 01:12:37.541
Right, emery board.
1232
01:12:37.625 --> 01:12:41.000
Ugh, how could you love somebody
with a name like that?
1233
01:12:41.583 --> 01:12:46.625
Yes, Emory, you couldn't possibly
love anyone with a name like that.
1234
01:12:46.708 --> 01:12:49.541
That wouldn't look good
on a place card. Right, Alan?
1235
01:12:49.625 --> 01:12:51.500
I admit his name is not so good,
1236
01:12:52.291 --> 01:12:53.250
but he…
1237
01:12:54.416 --> 01:12:56.250
Absolutely beautiful.
1238
01:12:56.333 --> 01:13:00.125
I've loved him ever since
the first day I laid eyes on him,
1239
01:13:01.708 --> 01:13:04.125
which was when I was in the fifth grade
1240
01:13:04.791 --> 01:13:08.291
and he was a senior.
1241
01:13:10.791 --> 01:13:12.666
Then he went away to college,
1242
01:13:12.750 --> 01:13:15.416
and by the time he got out,
I was in high school.
1243
01:13:15.500 --> 01:13:18.875
And he had become… a dentist.
1244
01:13:18.958 --> 01:13:22.958
And you went and had every tooth
in your head pulled out, right?
1245
01:13:23.625 --> 01:13:24.541
No.
1246
01:13:25.750 --> 01:13:27.875
I just had my teeth cleaned, that's all.
1247
01:13:27.958 --> 01:13:31.000
-Oh, I shouldn't have called.
-Will you shut up, Bernard?
1248
01:13:31.083 --> 01:13:34.208
And take your boring, sleep-making icks
somewhere else. Go.
1249
01:13:35.208 --> 01:13:39.458
I remember I looked
right in his eyes the whole time.
1250
01:13:41.291 --> 01:13:43.500
I kept wanting to bite his fingers.
1251
01:13:43.583 --> 01:13:45.625
Well, it's absolutely mind-boggling.
1252
01:13:45.708 --> 01:13:48.916
-Phyllis Phallic.
-It absolutely boggles the mind.
1253
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:51.833
I told him I was having my teeth cleaned
1254
01:13:51.916 --> 01:13:56.833
for the junior-senior prom
for which I was in charge of decorations.
1255
01:13:58.375 --> 01:14:00.833
I told him
it was a celestial theme,
1256
01:14:00.916 --> 01:14:03.875
and I was cutting stars out of tin foil
1257
01:14:03.958 --> 01:14:08.916
and making clouds
out of chicken wire and angel's hair.
1258
01:14:10.541 --> 01:14:13.875
Oh, Mary, it takes a fairy
to make something pretty.
1259
01:14:13.958 --> 01:14:17.125
I got angel's hair down my shirt
once at Christmastime.
1260
01:14:17.208 --> 01:14:18.458
Gosh, did it itch.
1261
01:14:19.041 --> 01:14:21.541
It would be terrible
if you got that stuff in your…
1262
01:14:24.375 --> 01:14:25.333
I'll be quiet.
1263
01:14:31.416 --> 01:14:35.166
He was engaged
to this stupid-ass girl named Loraine,
1264
01:14:35.250 --> 01:14:37.708
whose mother was truly
a real see-you-next-Tuesday.
1265
01:14:37.791 --> 01:14:39.750
Uh-uh. Don't digress.
1266
01:14:41.166 --> 01:14:45.791
Well, anyway… I was a wreck.
I mean, a total mess.
1267
01:14:45.875 --> 01:14:49.333
I couldn't eat, sleep,
stand up, sit down, nothing.
1268
01:14:50.541 --> 01:14:54.500
Finally, I called him on the phone
and asked if I could see him alone.
1269
01:14:55.375 --> 01:14:57.666
Clearly, not the coolest of moves.
1270
01:14:58.708 --> 01:14:59.833
He said okay.
1271
01:15:00.875 --> 01:15:02.458
Told me to come by his house.
1272
01:15:04.791 --> 01:15:08.958
I was so nervous, my hands were shaking.
I couldn't even look at him.
1273
01:15:09.791 --> 01:15:15.041
I just… stared straight in space
and blurted out why I'd come.
1274
01:15:15.125 --> 01:15:18.500
I told him I wanted him to be my friend.
1275
01:15:19.833 --> 01:15:24.166
I said that I had never
had a friend I could talk to
1276
01:15:24.875 --> 01:15:28.583
and tell everything to and-and trust.
1277
01:15:30.541 --> 01:15:32.291
I asked him if he would be my friend.
1278
01:15:34.208 --> 01:15:36.291
He said he would be glad to be my friend,
1279
01:15:36.875 --> 01:15:40.208
and anytime I wanted
to see him or call him,
1280
01:15:40.291 --> 01:15:42.750
to just call him and he'd see me.
1281
01:15:44.083 --> 01:15:48.166
And he shook my trembling hand,
and I left…
1282
01:15:50.166 --> 01:15:53.125
-on a cloud.
-One of the ones you made yourself.
1283
01:15:53.208 --> 01:15:54.291
And the next day,
1284
01:15:55.083 --> 01:15:57.791
I went out and bought him
a gold-plated cigarette lighter
1285
01:15:57.875 --> 01:15:59.958
and had his initials monogrammed on it.
1286
01:16:00.041 --> 01:16:04.791
I wrote a card that said,
"From your friend, Emory."
1287
01:16:05.375 --> 01:16:08.166
Seventeen years old
and already big with the gifts.
1288
01:16:08.250 --> 01:16:09.958
And then the night of the prom,
1289
01:16:10.833 --> 01:16:15.083
I heard Loraine
and another girl I knew giggling together.
1290
01:16:17.708 --> 01:16:21.666
Obviously, Del had told Loraine
about my calling and about the gift.
1291
01:16:22.833 --> 01:16:25.625
Pretty soon, everybody at the dance
had heard about it.
1292
01:16:26.666 --> 01:16:28.791
They were laughing and making jokes.
1293
01:16:30.791 --> 01:16:34.375
Everybody knew
that I had a crush on Dr. Delbert Botts
1294
01:16:34.958 --> 01:16:37.500
and that I had asked him to be my friend.
1295
01:16:44.208 --> 01:16:46.416
What they didn't know
was that I loved him,
1296
01:16:48.375 --> 01:16:50.125
and that I would go on loving him
1297
01:16:50.208 --> 01:16:55.833
years after they had all forgotten
my funny little secret.
1298
01:16:57.916 --> 01:17:01.500
Well, I for one need an insulin injection.
1299
01:17:01.583 --> 01:17:02.750
Oh.
1300
01:17:07.083 --> 01:17:09.041
-Call him.
-Don't, Emory.
1301
01:17:09.125 --> 01:17:10.958
Since when are you telling him what to do?
1302
01:17:11.041 --> 01:17:13.166
Don't. You'll be sorry.
Take my word for it.
1303
01:17:13.250 --> 01:17:14.875
What have I got to lose?
1304
01:17:14.958 --> 01:17:17.416
Your dignity.
That's what you've got to lose.
1305
01:17:17.500 --> 01:17:19.750
Oh, that's a knee-slapper. I love…
1306
01:17:19.833 --> 01:17:21.791
You're telling him about dignity
1307
01:17:21.875 --> 01:17:24.208
when you allow him
to degrade you constantly
1308
01:17:24.291 --> 01:17:25.916
by Uncle Tom-ing you to death.
1309
01:17:26.000 --> 01:17:30.166
He can do it, Michael.
I can do it. But you can't do it.
1310
01:17:30.250 --> 01:17:33.583
Isn't that discrimination?
1311
01:17:33.666 --> 01:17:36.833
I don't like it from him,
and I don't like it from me.
1312
01:17:37.791 --> 01:17:39.458
But I do it to myself,
1313
01:17:40.375 --> 01:17:42.083
and I let him do it.
1314
01:17:42.166 --> 01:17:44.458
I let him do it
because it's the only thing that,
1315
01:17:44.541 --> 01:17:46.333
to him, makes him my equal.
1316
01:17:48.125 --> 01:17:50.500
We both got the short end of the stick,
1317
01:17:50.583 --> 01:17:53.708
but I got a hell of a lot more
than he did, and he knows it.
1318
01:17:53.791 --> 01:17:55.083
I let him Uncle Tom me
1319
01:17:55.166 --> 01:17:58.291
just so he can tell himself
he's not a complete loser.
1320
01:18:00.583 --> 01:18:02.625
How very considerate.
1321
01:18:03.125 --> 01:18:05.208
It's his defense, Michael.
1322
01:18:05.291 --> 01:18:08.083
You have your defense,
but it's indescribable.
1323
01:18:11.708 --> 01:18:17.000
Y'all want to hear a little polite
parlor jest from the liberal Deep South?
1324
01:18:17.083 --> 01:18:20.375
Do you know
why niggers have such big lips?
1325
01:18:20.458 --> 01:18:23.166
Because they're always going…
1326
01:18:23.250 --> 01:18:25.791
Christ, Michael!
Give me that. Let go, Michael.
1327
01:18:27.208 --> 01:18:30.833
I can do without your goddamn spit
on my telephone, you nellie coward!
1328
01:18:30.916 --> 01:18:33.291
I may be nellie, but I'm no coward!
1329
01:18:35.875 --> 01:18:37.041
Yo, Bernard…
1330
01:18:38.375 --> 01:18:39.666
forgive me. I'm sorry.
1331
01:18:39.750 --> 01:18:42.250
I won't ever say
those things to you again.
1332
01:18:56.625 --> 01:18:57.708
Huh.
1333
01:19:03.750 --> 01:19:05.416
-BY.
-It's busy?
1334
01:19:05.500 --> 01:19:07.666
Loraine is probably talking to her mother.
1335
01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:11.208
Oh, yes, Delbert married Loraine.
1336
01:19:11.291 --> 01:19:14.000
I'm sorry, you'll have
to forfeit your turn. We can't wait.
1337
01:19:14.916 --> 01:19:17.041
Well, you're not wasting any time.
1338
01:19:17.708 --> 01:19:19.625
-Who are you calling?
- Charlie.
1339
01:19:20.500 --> 01:19:23.791
I refuse to forfeit my turn.
It is my turn, and I'm taking it.
1340
01:19:23.875 --> 01:19:25.750
That's the spirit, Emory.
1341
01:19:25.833 --> 01:19:29.500
You hit that iceberg! Don't miss it.
Hit it! God damn it!
1342
01:19:29.583 --> 01:19:31.500
I want a smash of a finale.
1343
01:19:31.583 --> 01:19:34.666
- God, I'm drunk.
-You're a falling-down-drunk-nellie-queen.
1344
01:19:34.750 --> 01:19:36.958
Now that's the pot
calling the kettle beige.
1345
01:19:37.041 --> 01:19:41.000
I am not drunk.
You cannot tell that I am drunk.
1346
01:19:41.083 --> 01:19:42.875
-I'm drunk.
- So am I.
1347
01:19:42.958 --> 01:19:44.708
-I am a major drunk.
-Shut up and dial.
1348
01:19:44.791 --> 01:19:49.125
I'm a major drunk
of this or any other season.
1349
01:19:56.041 --> 01:19:57.708
It's ringing. It's no longer BY.
1350
01:20:00.833 --> 01:20:02.500
-Hello?
- One point.
1351
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:06.000
Who's speaking?
1352
01:20:07.458 --> 01:20:08.291
Who?
1353
01:20:10.041 --> 01:20:11.375
Dr. Delbert Botts?
1354
01:20:11.458 --> 01:20:12.625
Two points.
1355
01:20:17.458 --> 01:20:19.208
Del, is this really you?
1356
01:20:22.625 --> 01:20:24.791
Nobody.
1357
01:20:28.625 --> 01:20:31.333
Yeah, you don't know me.
You wouldn't remember me.
1358
01:20:32.166 --> 01:20:33.000
Um…
1359
01:20:37.375 --> 01:20:38.666
I'm just a friend.
1360
01:20:40.791 --> 01:20:42.958
A falling-down, drunken friend.
1361
01:20:47.583 --> 01:20:48.708
Hello?
1362
01:20:51.458 --> 01:20:52.458
Hello?
1363
01:20:56.625 --> 01:20:57.625
Hello?
1364
01:21:10.500 --> 01:21:13.583
- He hung up.
-Three points total. You're winning.
1365
01:21:13.666 --> 01:21:15.125
He said I must have the wrong party.
1366
01:21:15.208 --> 01:21:17.916
Well, he's right. We have the wrong party.
1367
01:21:19.708 --> 01:21:22.083
It's your party, Hallie.
Having a good time?
1368
01:21:22.166 --> 01:21:23.666
Simply fabulous.
1369
01:21:23.750 --> 01:21:26.291
How about you?
Are you having a good time, Emory?
1370
01:21:26.375 --> 01:21:29.083
Are you having as good a time
as you thought you would?
1371
01:21:35.625 --> 01:21:38.000
-My turn now.
-No, it's my turn to call Charlie.
1372
01:21:38.083 --> 01:21:40.916
No… Let me.
1373
01:21:42.791 --> 01:21:44.333
Are you gonna call Charlie?
1374
01:21:45.250 --> 01:21:46.875
Don't, Hank.
1375
01:21:46.958 --> 01:21:47.958
I want to.
1376
01:21:50.666 --> 01:21:51.541
Larry.
1377
01:21:54.666 --> 01:21:56.458
Be my eager guest.
1378
01:21:58.625 --> 01:22:00.166
Is he gonna call Charlie for you?
1379
01:22:00.750 --> 01:22:03.291
Charlie is all the people
I cheat on Hank with.
1380
01:22:03.375 --> 01:22:05.166
With whom I cheat on Hank.
1381
01:22:05.250 --> 01:22:07.625
The butcher, the baker,
the candlestick maker.
1382
01:22:07.708 --> 01:22:09.666
Right! I love 'em all,
1383
01:22:09.750 --> 01:22:13.083
but what Hank refuses to understand
is I gotta have 'em all.
1384
01:22:13.166 --> 01:22:15.541
I'm not the marrying kind.
I never will be.
1385
01:22:15.625 --> 01:22:16.708
Who're you calling?
1386
01:22:16.791 --> 01:22:18.250
Did it ever occur to you
1387
01:22:18.333 --> 01:22:20.666
that Hank might be doing
the same thing behind your back
1388
01:22:20.750 --> 01:22:21.750
that you do behind his?
1389
01:22:21.833 --> 01:22:25.833
I wish to Christ he would.
Would make life a hell of a lot easier.
1390
01:22:25.916 --> 01:22:26.791
Who are you calling?
1391
01:22:26.875 --> 01:22:30.916
Well, whoever it is, they're not
sitting on top of the telephone.
1392
01:22:31.000 --> 01:22:33.166
-Hello?
-Must have been in the tub.
1393
01:22:33.250 --> 01:22:34.166
One point.
1394
01:22:34.250 --> 01:22:37.416
- I'd like to leave a message.
-Oh, not in. One point.
1395
01:22:37.500 --> 01:22:39.166
Would you say that Hank called?
1396
01:22:40.583 --> 01:22:41.500
Yes, it is.
1397
01:22:43.041 --> 01:22:45.583
-Oh, good evening. How are you?
-Who the hell is that?
1398
01:22:45.666 --> 01:22:48.875
Yes, that's right.
The message is for my roommate, Larry.
1399
01:22:48.958 --> 01:22:50.416
-Just say that I called…
1400
01:22:50.500 --> 01:22:52.458
It's our answering service.
1401
01:22:52.541 --> 01:22:54.916
…and said I love you.
1402
01:22:56.583 --> 01:22:58.000
Hank, are you crazy?
1403
01:22:59.000 --> 01:23:01.583
You heard me correctly.
The message is for Larry.
1404
01:23:01.666 --> 01:23:04.250
It's from me, Hank,
and it is just as I said.
1405
01:23:07.541 --> 01:23:08.583
I love you.
1406
01:23:12.375 --> 01:23:13.291
Yeah, thanks.
1407
01:23:14.583 --> 01:23:16.291
Seven points total.
1408
01:23:16.375 --> 01:23:20.083
Hank, you're ahead, baby!
You're way, way ahead of everybody.
1409
01:23:20.166 --> 01:23:22.416
Why, Hank? Why did you do that?
1410
01:23:23.833 --> 01:23:26.541
Because I do love him,
and I don't care who knows it.
1411
01:23:26.625 --> 01:23:28.916
- Don't say that.
-Why not? It's the truth.
1412
01:23:30.458 --> 01:23:32.333
I left my wife and family for Larry.
1413
01:23:32.416 --> 01:23:34.875
-I'm not interested in hearing about it.
-Sure you are.
1414
01:23:34.958 --> 01:23:36.666
Go ahead, Hankola. Tell him all about it.
1415
01:23:36.750 --> 01:23:39.791
-I don't want to hear it! It's disgusting.
-Some men do it for another woman.
1416
01:23:39.875 --> 01:23:42.458
Well, I can understand that.
That's normal.
1417
01:23:45.041 --> 01:23:47.000
It doesn't always work out that way, Alan.
1418
01:23:48.166 --> 01:23:50.833
No matter how you might want it to,
and God knows,
1419
01:23:50.916 --> 01:23:53.000
nobody ever wanted it more than I did.
1420
01:23:55.500 --> 01:23:58.000
I really and truly felt
I was in love with my wife
1421
01:23:58.083 --> 01:23:59.416
when I married her, but…
1422
01:24:01.458 --> 01:24:03.333
there was always that something else.
1423
01:24:03.875 --> 01:24:05.000
Always?
1424
01:24:09.250 --> 01:24:12.083
I don't know. I suppose so.
1425
01:24:12.916 --> 01:24:15.666
I've known what I was
since I was four years old.
1426
01:24:15.750 --> 01:24:18.291
Oh, everybody's always known it
about you, Emory.
1427
01:24:18.375 --> 01:24:20.833
I've always known it about myself, too.
1428
01:24:22.166 --> 01:24:24.666
I don't know
when I first admitted it to myself that…
1429
01:24:27.833 --> 01:24:30.666
I always labeled it something else
or denied it completely.
1430
01:24:30.750 --> 01:24:33.875
Oh. "Christ, was I drunk last night."
1431
01:24:33.958 --> 01:24:36.500
There came a time
where I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
1432
01:24:37.666 --> 01:24:41.291
I thought about it
but never did anything about it.
1433
01:24:44.708 --> 01:24:47.458
The first time
was during my wife's last pregnancy.
1434
01:24:50.375 --> 01:24:52.666
We lived near New Haven in the country.
1435
01:24:52.750 --> 01:24:54.750
There was
this teachers' meeting in New York.
1436
01:24:56.333 --> 01:24:59.875
My wife didn't feel up to the trip.
I came into town on my own and…
1437
01:25:01.625 --> 01:25:04.041
That day on the train,
I began to think about it.
1438
01:25:05.791 --> 01:25:07.041
And think about it.
1439
01:25:08.583 --> 01:25:09.916
And think about it.
1440
01:25:12.541 --> 01:25:14.375
I thought of nothing else the whole trip.
1441
01:25:17.208 --> 01:25:19.208
And then 15 minutes after I had arrived,
1442
01:25:19.291 --> 01:25:22.500
I'd picked up a guy in the men's room
of Grand Central Station.
1443
01:25:22.583 --> 01:25:23.916
Jesus.
1444
01:25:24.500 --> 01:25:26.458
I'd never done
anything like that before.
1445
01:25:28.625 --> 01:25:30.125
I was scared to death.
1446
01:26:02.458 --> 01:26:04.541
He turned out to be a nice fellow.
1447
01:26:07.375 --> 01:26:08.791
I've never seen him again.
1448
01:26:09.750 --> 01:26:10.958
You know, it's funny.
1449
01:26:13.208 --> 01:26:15.250
Can't even remember his name anymore.
1450
01:26:18.333 --> 01:26:20.041
Anyway, after that, it got easier.
1451
01:26:20.125 --> 01:26:22.208
Practice makes perfect.
1452
01:26:22.291 --> 01:26:24.416
Then, sometime later,
1453
01:26:25.791 --> 01:26:28.791
Larry and I met at a party
my wife and I went in town for.
1454
01:26:28.875 --> 01:26:31.541
And your real troubles began.
1455
01:26:31.625 --> 01:26:32.958
That was two years ago.
1456
01:26:35.416 --> 01:26:41.541
Why am I always
the goddamn villain in this piece?
1457
01:26:42.375 --> 01:26:44.666
If I'm not the happy home-wrecker,
1458
01:26:44.750 --> 01:26:47.583
I'm an impossible
son of a bitch to live with.
1459
01:26:47.666 --> 01:26:49.958
Guilt turns to hostility.
1460
01:26:50.666 --> 01:26:53.916
-Isn't that right, Michael?
-Go stick your tweezers in your cheek.
1461
01:26:54.000 --> 01:26:55.708
I'm fed up to the teeth
1462
01:26:55.791 --> 01:26:59.583
with everybody feeling so sorry
for poor, put-upon Hank.
1463
01:26:59.666 --> 01:27:02.166
Aw, Larry, everybody knows
you're Frieda Fickle.
1464
01:27:02.250 --> 01:27:04.541
Hey, I never made any promises.
1465
01:27:04.625 --> 01:27:05.708
I never intend to.
1466
01:27:05.791 --> 01:27:09.333
It's my right to lead my sex life
without answering to anybody,
1467
01:27:09.416 --> 01:27:10.583
Hank included.
1468
01:27:10.666 --> 01:27:15.250
And if those terms aren't acceptable,
then we can't go on living together.
1469
01:27:15.333 --> 01:27:18.000
Numerous relations
is a part of the way I am.
1470
01:27:18.083 --> 01:27:19.833
You don't have to be gay to be a wanton.
1471
01:27:19.916 --> 01:27:24.000
By the way I am,
I don't mean gay. And Emory…
1472
01:27:24.083 --> 01:27:25.958
You are the most
promiscuous person I know.
1473
01:27:26.041 --> 01:27:28.625
-I am not promiscuous at all!
1474
01:27:28.708 --> 01:27:30.666
Not by choice, by design.
1475
01:27:30.750 --> 01:27:33.958
Why would anybody want to go to bed
with a flaming little sissy like you?
1476
01:27:34.041 --> 01:27:35.875
-Michael!
- Who'd make a pass at you?
1477
01:27:35.958 --> 01:27:37.583
I'll tell you who. Nobody.
1478
01:27:37.666 --> 01:27:39.958
Except maybe some fugitive
from the Braille Institute.
1479
01:27:40.041 --> 01:27:43.958
-Why do you let him talk to you that way?
-Physical beauty isn't everything.
1480
01:27:44.041 --> 01:27:46.000
Thank you, Quasimodo.
1481
01:27:46.083 --> 01:27:49.875
What do you think it's like
living with a goddamn Gestapo, huh?
1482
01:27:49.958 --> 01:27:52.375
Can't even take a breath
without getting the third degree.
1483
01:27:52.458 --> 01:27:55.708
-Larry, it's your turn to call.
-And I am so sick of this
1484
01:27:55.791 --> 01:27:59.083
let's-be-faithful-
and-never-look-at-another-person routine.
1485
01:27:59.166 --> 01:28:01.416
That doesn't work.
If you want to promise that, fine.
1486
01:28:01.500 --> 01:28:03.583
Then you promise it, and you stick to it.
1487
01:28:03.666 --> 01:28:05.458
But if you have to promise it,
1488
01:28:05.541 --> 01:28:08.666
as far as I'm concerned,
nothing finishes a relationship faster.
1489
01:28:08.750 --> 01:28:11.208
Give me Librium or give me meth.
1490
01:28:11.291 --> 01:28:12.875
Yeah, freedom, baby! Freedom!
1491
01:28:12.958 --> 01:28:17.125
You got to have it.
It doesn't work any other way.
1492
01:28:17.208 --> 01:28:23.333
And-And the ones who swear their
undying fidelity to each other are lying.
1493
01:28:24.291 --> 01:28:26.500
Most of them, anyway. 90% of them.
1494
01:28:26.583 --> 01:28:29.916
They cheat on each other constantly
and then lie through their teeth.
1495
01:28:30.416 --> 01:28:33.541
I'm sorry I can't be like that.
It drives Hank up the wall.
1496
01:28:33.625 --> 01:28:35.041
There is that 10%.
1497
01:28:35.125 --> 01:28:39.791
The only way it stands a chance
is with some kind of understanding.
1498
01:28:39.875 --> 01:28:41.166
I've tried to go along with that.
1499
01:28:41.833 --> 01:28:43.375
-Come on!
-I agreed to an agreement.
1500
01:28:43.458 --> 01:28:45.291
-Your agreement!
- What agreement?
1501
01:28:45.375 --> 01:28:47.625
A ménage.
1502
01:28:48.375 --> 01:28:51.583
A lot of people think that's the answer,
but that's not my style.
1503
01:28:51.666 --> 01:28:53.041
I certainly didn't want it!
1504
01:28:53.125 --> 01:28:55.000
-Then who suggested it?
-It was a compromise!
1505
01:28:55.083 --> 01:28:56.125
- Exactly!
- You agreed!
1506
01:28:56.208 --> 01:28:57.791
I didn't agree to anything.
1507
01:28:57.875 --> 01:29:01.208
You agreed to your own proposal
and then informed me that I agreed!
1508
01:29:01.291 --> 01:29:02.833
I don't understand. What's a--
1509
01:29:02.916 --> 01:29:04.583
I will kick you!
1510
01:29:04.666 --> 01:29:08.791
The ménage, baby.
Two's company, three's a ménage.
1511
01:29:10.875 --> 01:29:12.083
Oh.
1512
01:29:12.166 --> 01:29:13.458
It works for some.
1513
01:29:13.541 --> 01:29:15.958
-Well, I'm not one for group therapy.
1514
01:29:16.041 --> 01:29:18.583
I can't relate to anyone
or anything like that.
1515
01:29:19.458 --> 01:29:20.458
I'm old-fashioned.
1516
01:29:20.541 --> 01:29:23.583
I like 'em all,
but I like 'em one at a time.
1517
01:29:24.375 --> 01:29:27.958
Did you like Donald
as a single side attraction?
1518
01:29:53.875 --> 01:29:54.958
Yes.
1519
01:29:58.291 --> 01:30:00.416
-Did you tell him?
-No.
1520
01:30:00.500 --> 01:30:03.000
It was perfectly obvious
from the moment you walked in.
1521
01:30:03.083 --> 01:30:04.416
What was that song and dance
1522
01:30:04.500 --> 01:30:06.958
about having seen each other
but never having met?
1523
01:30:07.583 --> 01:30:09.250
Don't look at me like that, Hank.
1524
01:30:11.583 --> 01:30:14.708
You've been playing footsie
with that penguin all night.
1525
01:30:14.791 --> 01:30:17.000
Oh! I suppose you want the three of us
to have a go at it.
1526
01:30:17.083 --> 01:30:19.833
-At least that would be together.
-Well, that point eludes me.
1527
01:30:19.916 --> 01:30:22.250
What kind of an understanding do you want?
1528
01:30:22.333 --> 01:30:23.500
Respect!
1529
01:30:23.583 --> 01:30:27.666
Respect for each other's freedom
without any need to lie or pretend.
1530
01:30:27.750 --> 01:30:30.125
Hank, in my way, I love you,
1531
01:30:30.208 --> 01:30:33.208
but you have to understand
although I want to live with you,
1532
01:30:33.291 --> 01:30:34.833
sometimes there might be others.
1533
01:30:34.916 --> 01:30:37.333
If that happens,
I know I'll never mention it.
1534
01:30:37.416 --> 01:30:40.666
But if you ask me, I will tell you.
1535
01:30:40.750 --> 01:30:42.041
He gets points!
1536
01:30:42.666 --> 01:30:43.500
What?
1537
01:30:44.750 --> 01:30:47.458
He said it. He said "I love you" to Hank.
He gets the bonus.
1538
01:30:47.541 --> 01:30:49.458
-He didn't call him.
-He called him.
1539
01:30:49.541 --> 01:30:50.916
He just didn't use the telephone.
1540
01:30:51.000 --> 01:30:54.291
- Then he doesn't get any points.
-He gets five points.
1541
01:30:54.375 --> 01:30:57.583
He didn't use the telephone.
He doesn't get a goddamn thing!
1542
01:31:16.833 --> 01:31:18.541
It's for you, Hank!
1543
01:31:31.208 --> 01:31:32.041
Hello?
1544
01:31:32.625 --> 01:31:33.500
One point.
1545
01:31:36.791 --> 01:31:38.208
Hello, Hank.
1546
01:31:39.125 --> 01:31:40.208
Two points.
1547
01:31:42.333 --> 01:31:43.625
This is Larry.
1548
01:31:44.750 --> 01:31:46.333
- Two more points.
1549
01:31:48.458 --> 01:31:50.791
For what it's worth, I love you.
1550
01:31:53.333 --> 01:31:54.583
Five-point bonus.
1551
01:31:57.041 --> 01:31:57.875
I'll…
1552
01:31:59.666 --> 01:32:00.750
I'll try.
1553
01:32:10.375 --> 01:32:11.500
I will, too.
1554
01:32:16.875 --> 01:32:20.041
-That's ten points total.
-Larry is the winner.
1555
01:32:22.916 --> 01:32:26.083
Well, that wasn't as much fun
as I thought it would be.
1556
01:32:26.166 --> 01:32:27.875
Game isn't over yet.
1557
01:32:28.666 --> 01:32:32.291
It's your turn, Alan.
Pick up the phone, buster.
1558
01:32:32.375 --> 01:32:33.750
-Michael, don't.
-Stay out of this!
1559
01:32:33.833 --> 01:32:35.583
You don't have to, Alan. You don't.
1560
01:32:35.666 --> 01:32:40.000
Emory, I'm sorry for what I did before.
1561
01:32:41.958 --> 01:32:42.958
Forget it.
1562
01:32:43.541 --> 01:32:45.625
Forgive us our trespasses.
1563
01:32:45.708 --> 01:32:46.791
Christ.
1564
01:32:46.875 --> 01:32:48.916
You guys joined at the goddamn hip now?
1565
01:32:49.708 --> 01:32:52.541
Who are you going to call, Alan? Hmm?
1566
01:32:56.708 --> 01:32:58.166
Can't remember anyone?
1567
01:32:59.916 --> 01:33:03.250
I believe this will be the final round.
1568
01:33:03.833 --> 01:33:06.125
Michael, aren't you gonna call anyone?
1569
01:33:06.958 --> 01:33:10.583
How could he? He's never loved anyone.
1570
01:33:15.958 --> 01:33:18.666
♪ No matter how you figure
It's tough to be a nigger ♪
1571
01:33:18.750 --> 01:33:22.708
- Stop that, Michael!
-♪ But it's tougher to be a Jew ♪
1572
01:33:22.791 --> 01:33:25.666
My God, Michael, you're a charming host.
1573
01:33:25.750 --> 01:33:28.250
Michael doesn't have charm, Donald.
1574
01:33:29.166 --> 01:33:32.208
Michael has counter-charm.
1575
01:33:34.333 --> 01:33:37.291
-Wait, are you going somewhere?
-Yes, excuse me.
1576
01:33:37.375 --> 01:33:39.458
You're going to miss the end of the game.
1577
01:33:40.041 --> 01:33:42.541
With any luck,
I won't be down until it's all over.
1578
01:34:09.291 --> 01:34:12.583
What do you suppose
is going on up there, hmm, Alan?
1579
01:34:14.000 --> 01:34:18.208
What do you imagine that Larry and Hank
are doing up there, hmm?
1580
01:34:18.291 --> 01:34:20.833
Whatever they're doing,
they aren't hurting anyone.
1581
01:34:20.916 --> 01:34:22.875
And they're minding their own business.
1582
01:34:22.958 --> 01:34:25.125
Yeah, and you mind yours, Harold.
I'm warning you.
1583
01:34:27.041 --> 01:34:28.166
Are you, now?
1584
01:34:29.666 --> 01:34:31.041
Are you warning me?
1585
01:34:32.958 --> 01:34:33.791
Me?
1586
01:34:40.625 --> 01:34:41.875
I'm Harold.
1587
01:34:43.833 --> 01:34:46.166
I'm the one person
you don't warn, Michael,
1588
01:34:46.250 --> 01:34:48.125
because you and I are a match.
1589
01:34:49.541 --> 01:34:52.708
And we tread very softly with each other
1590
01:34:52.791 --> 01:34:55.583
because we both play
each other's game too well.
1591
01:34:57.208 --> 01:35:00.083
I know this game you're playing.
1592
01:35:01.666 --> 01:35:04.500
I know it very well,
and I play it very well.
1593
01:35:04.583 --> 01:35:06.875
You play it very well, too,
but you know what?
1594
01:35:08.416 --> 01:35:12.583
I'm the only one
who's better at it than you are.
1595
01:35:12.666 --> 01:35:15.500
I can beat you at it, so don't push me.
1596
01:35:18.125 --> 01:35:21.750
I'm warning you.
1597
01:35:34.208 --> 01:35:35.416
You're funny, Hallie.
1598
01:35:36.125 --> 01:35:38.416
You're a laugh riot. Isn't he funny, Alan?
1599
01:35:38.500 --> 01:35:41.375
Or as you might say, "Isn't he amusing?"
1600
01:35:41.458 --> 01:35:43.500
He's an amusing faggot, isn't he?
1601
01:35:44.375 --> 01:35:46.375
Or, as you might say, freak.
1602
01:35:47.000 --> 01:35:50.875
That's what you called Emory, wasn't it?
A freak, a pansy.
1603
01:35:51.458 --> 01:35:54.708
God, what an antiquated vocabulary
you have.
1604
01:35:54.791 --> 01:35:58.166
I'm surprised you didn't say
"sodomite" or "pederast."
1605
01:35:58.250 --> 01:36:00.333
You better let me bring you up to date.
1606
01:36:00.416 --> 01:36:03.458
Have you ever heard
the term "closet-queen"?
1607
01:36:03.541 --> 01:36:04.791
You know what that means?
1608
01:36:05.333 --> 01:36:08.666
Do you know what it means
to be "in the closet"?
1609
01:36:08.750 --> 01:36:11.041
If you're insinuating
that I'm a homosexual,
1610
01:36:11.125 --> 01:36:13.041
I can only say that you're mistaken.
1611
01:36:14.250 --> 01:36:15.208
Am I?
1612
01:36:19.208 --> 01:36:21.208
What about Justin Stuart?
1613
01:36:21.791 --> 01:36:22.916
What about Justin Stuart?
1614
01:36:23.000 --> 01:36:25.916
You were in love with him,
that's what about him.
1615
01:36:26.000 --> 01:36:28.000
And that is who you are going to call.
1616
01:36:28.083 --> 01:36:30.875
Justin and I were very good friends.
That's all.
1617
01:36:30.958 --> 01:36:34.416
According to Justin,
that friendship was quite passionate.
1618
01:36:34.500 --> 01:36:35.458
What do you mean?
1619
01:36:35.541 --> 01:36:37.875
I mean that you slept with him
in college several times.
1620
01:36:37.958 --> 01:36:39.875
-That's not true.
- Several times.
1621
01:36:39.958 --> 01:36:42.833
One time, it's youth.
Twice is a phase, maybe.
1622
01:36:42.916 --> 01:36:45.208
Several times, you like it.
1623
01:36:45.291 --> 01:36:47.500
-It's not true.
- Yes, it is!
1624
01:36:47.583 --> 01:36:50.250
Because Justin Stuart is a homosexual!
1625
01:36:51.541 --> 01:36:53.916
He comes to New York on occasion,
and he calls me.
1626
01:36:54.000 --> 01:36:55.375
I've taken him to parties.
1627
01:36:55.458 --> 01:36:59.250
Larry had him once,
and he has told me all about you.
1628
01:36:59.333 --> 01:37:00.750
Then he told you a lie.
1629
01:37:00.833 --> 01:37:03.625
You were obsessed with Justin.
1630
01:37:03.708 --> 01:37:07.208
That is all you talked about
morning, noon and night.
1631
01:37:07.291 --> 01:37:10.666
You started doing it
about Hank upstairs tonight.
1632
01:37:10.750 --> 01:37:13.416
"What an attractive fella he is."
All that transparent crap.
1633
01:37:13.500 --> 01:37:17.833
-I said he was attractive. That's all.
-How many times do you have to say it?
1634
01:37:17.916 --> 01:37:21.541
How many times
did you have to say it about Justin?
1635
01:37:21.625 --> 01:37:25.000
What a good tennis player he was,
what a good dancer he was,
1636
01:37:25.083 --> 01:37:28.125
what a good body he had,
how bright he was,
1637
01:37:28.208 --> 01:37:32.583
how amusing he was,
how-how the girls were all mad for him,
1638
01:37:32.666 --> 01:37:34.666
what close friends you were.
1639
01:37:34.750 --> 01:37:37.083
We were very close, very good friends.
That's all.
1640
01:37:37.166 --> 01:37:39.000
It was obvious.
1641
01:37:39.083 --> 01:37:42.458
And when you did it around Fran,
it was downright embarrassing.
1642
01:37:42.541 --> 01:37:45.291
-Even she must have her doubts about you.
-Justin lied.
1643
01:37:46.416 --> 01:37:48.083
If he told you that, he lied.
1644
01:37:48.166 --> 01:37:51.291
He'd say anything about me now
to get even.
1645
01:37:52.041 --> 01:37:54.625
He could never get over
the fact that I dropped him.
1646
01:37:54.708 --> 01:37:56.708
You ended the friendship, Alan,
1647
01:37:57.500 --> 01:38:00.333
because you couldn't face
the truth about yourself.
1648
01:38:00.416 --> 01:38:04.541
You could go on sleeping with Justin
as long as he lied to himself
1649
01:38:04.625 --> 01:38:06.291
and you lied to yourself.
1650
01:38:06.375 --> 01:38:10.541
And you both dated girls
and you labeled yourselves men
1651
01:38:10.625 --> 01:38:12.916
and you called yourselves
"just fond friends,"
1652
01:38:13.000 --> 01:38:16.916
but Justin finally had to be honest,
and you couldn't take it.
1653
01:38:17.000 --> 01:38:18.916
-You couldn't take it, and so…
-No.
1654
01:38:19.000 --> 01:38:21.666
…you destroyed the friendship
and your friend along with it.
1655
01:38:21.750 --> 01:38:22.708
- No.
-Oh, yes.
1656
01:38:22.791 --> 01:38:27.250
Justin never understood what he had
done wrong to make you drop him.
1657
01:38:27.333 --> 01:38:28.541
-He blamed himself.
- No.
1658
01:38:28.625 --> 01:38:31.875
He did,
until he eventually found out who he was.
1659
01:38:31.958 --> 01:38:33.041
-And what he was.
- No!
1660
01:38:33.125 --> 01:38:36.500
But to this day,
he still remembers the treatment.
1661
01:38:36.583 --> 01:38:38.291
-Scars he got from you.
-No.
1662
01:38:38.375 --> 01:38:41.083
You pick up this phone,
and you call Justin.
1663
01:38:41.166 --> 01:38:42.000
No.
1664
01:38:42.083 --> 01:38:44.250
I want you to call him and apologize.
1665
01:38:44.333 --> 01:38:47.416
You tell him what you should have
told him many years ago.
1666
01:38:47.500 --> 01:38:50.250
-He lied. Not a word of it is true!
- Call him!
1667
01:38:53.041 --> 01:38:54.666
All right, then I'll dial.
1668
01:38:56.541 --> 01:38:58.375
You're so helpful.
1669
01:38:59.708 --> 01:39:00.750
Give it to me.
1670
01:39:34.625 --> 01:39:35.458
Hello?
1671
01:39:36.041 --> 01:39:37.083
One point.
1672
01:39:39.041 --> 01:39:40.250
It's Alan.
1673
01:39:40.333 --> 01:39:41.291
Two points.
1674
01:39:43.708 --> 01:39:46.041
-Yes. Yes, it's me.
- Is that Justin?
1675
01:39:47.000 --> 01:39:49.291
- You sound surprised.
1676
01:39:49.375 --> 01:39:51.625
I should hope to think so,
after all this time.
1677
01:39:51.708 --> 01:39:52.541
Two more points.
1678
01:39:54.083 --> 01:39:55.166
I'm in New York.
1679
01:39:57.416 --> 01:39:58.541
Yes, I…
1680
01:40:01.333 --> 01:40:03.333
I won't explain now, I just…
1681
01:40:05.583 --> 01:40:06.791
called to tell you…
1682
01:40:09.625 --> 01:40:13.125
That I love you. God damn it, I love you.
1683
01:40:16.875 --> 01:40:18.041
I love you.
1684
01:40:18.125 --> 01:40:22.333
You get the goddamn bonus.
Ten points total. Jackpot!
1685
01:40:22.416 --> 01:40:25.958
-I love you, and I beg you to forgive me.
-Give me that. Give me that!
1686
01:40:26.041 --> 01:40:28.958
Justin, did you hear
what that son of a bitch said?
1687
01:40:33.958 --> 01:40:34.833
Fran.
1688
01:40:36.708 --> 01:40:40.625
No, of course I knew it was you.
1689
01:40:41.125 --> 01:40:42.333
How are you?
1690
01:40:44.416 --> 01:40:45.250
Yes.
1691
01:40:46.125 --> 01:40:47.750
Yes, he told me everything.
1692
01:40:49.208 --> 01:40:51.250
No, now, don't thank me.
1693
01:40:51.333 --> 01:40:53.375
Please. Please, don't thank me.
1694
01:40:57.125 --> 01:40:59.416
I'll put him back on.
1695
01:41:03.625 --> 01:41:04.916
My love to the kids.
1696
01:41:15.958 --> 01:41:18.791
Darling, I'll take
the first plane I can get.
1697
01:41:20.166 --> 01:41:21.666
Yes, I'm sorry, too.
1698
01:41:23.708 --> 01:41:24.958
I love you very much.
1699
01:41:54.333 --> 01:41:55.625
Thank you, Michael.
1700
01:42:09.833 --> 01:42:10.791
Who won?
1701
01:42:11.958 --> 01:42:13.625
It was a tie.
1702
01:42:21.416 --> 01:42:24.833
-Now, it is my turn.
1703
01:42:27.958 --> 01:42:30.291
And ready or not, Michael, here goes.
1704
01:42:34.041 --> 01:42:39.541
You are a sad… and pathetic man.
1705
01:42:43.083 --> 01:42:46.208
You're a homosexual,
and you don't want to be.
1706
01:42:48.541 --> 01:42:51.250
But there is
nothing you can do to change it.
1707
01:42:53.583 --> 01:42:56.958
Not all your prayers to your God,
1708
01:42:58.708 --> 01:43:04.208
not all the analysis you can buy
in all the years you have yet to live.
1709
01:43:06.375 --> 01:43:11.583
We may very well one day be able to know
what it is to live a heterosexual life
1710
01:43:12.958 --> 01:43:15.000
if you want it desperately enough,
1711
01:43:17.208 --> 01:43:21.666
if you pursue it with the fervor
with which you annihilate.
1712
01:43:28.083 --> 01:43:31.875
But you will always be homosexual as well.
1713
01:43:35.791 --> 01:43:37.333
Always, Michael.
1714
01:43:40.666 --> 01:43:41.625
Always.
1715
01:43:44.541 --> 01:43:46.708
Until the day you die.
1716
01:43:53.958 --> 01:43:55.916
Oh, friends…
1717
01:43:57.500 --> 01:44:01.333
thank you for a nifty party
and a super gift.
1718
01:44:01.416 --> 01:44:04.000
It's just what I needed.
1719
01:44:11.541 --> 01:44:13.625
Bernard, thank you.
1720
01:44:17.375 --> 01:44:18.791
And you'll get him home?
1721
01:44:18.875 --> 01:44:22.333
Don't worry about her.
I'll take care of everything.
1722
01:44:25.708 --> 01:44:27.125
Good to see you, Donald.
1723
01:44:27.625 --> 01:44:28.708
Good night, Harold.
1724
01:44:29.958 --> 01:44:32.583
-See you again sometime.
-Yeah.
1725
01:44:35.291 --> 01:44:37.500
How about a year from Shavuot?
1726
01:44:39.333 --> 01:44:42.041
Come on, Tex. Let's go to my place.
1727
01:44:45.875 --> 01:44:47.541
Are you good in bed?
1728
01:44:49.458 --> 01:44:53.083
Well… I try to show a little affection.
1729
01:44:55.458 --> 01:44:57.750
Keeps me from feeling like such a whore.
1730
01:45:03.333 --> 01:45:06.208
Uh, Michael, thanks for the laughs.
1731
01:45:13.833 --> 01:45:14.958
Call you tomorrow.
1732
01:45:21.583 --> 01:45:23.583
Come on, Bernard. Time to go home.
1733
01:45:24.125 --> 01:45:26.083
Mary, you're a heavy mother.
1734
01:45:27.375 --> 01:45:29.625
Why'd I call?
1735
01:45:31.708 --> 01:45:33.750
-Why?
-Hey, thank you, Michael.
1736
01:45:33.833 --> 01:45:35.833
-Good night, Donald.
- Good night, Emory.
1737
01:45:42.375 --> 01:45:44.250
I'm gonna
take you for some coffee,
1738
01:45:44.333 --> 01:45:46.166
and everything's gonna be all right.
1739
01:45:46.250 --> 01:45:48.625
-Careful.
1740
01:46:12.791 --> 01:46:13.625
Donald?
1741
01:46:14.416 --> 01:46:16.958
-Donald, Donald. Donald?
-Michael?
1742
01:46:17.041 --> 01:46:19.625
-Oh, my God, what have I done?
-Christ, Michael.
1743
01:46:19.708 --> 01:46:21.458
-Oh, God.
-Michael, I'm not--
1744
01:46:21.541 --> 01:46:24.125
Oh, no. Oh, no.
1745
01:46:24.208 --> 01:46:26.583
-Hey, hey.
-God, Donald. Oh, my God, no!
1746
01:46:26.666 --> 01:46:29.458
-I'll get you some water. Here.
-God, what have I done?
1747
01:46:29.541 --> 01:46:31.250
-Hey, stop it. Stop it.
-Jesus, God.
1748
01:46:31.333 --> 01:46:32.750
I'm gonna give you a Valium.
1749
01:46:32.833 --> 01:46:35.750
-No! Not pills and alcohol. I'm gonna die!
-I'm not…
1750
01:46:35.833 --> 01:46:37.750
Come on, take this. You're scaring me.
1751
01:46:37.833 --> 01:46:39.166
Stop that crying. Take this pill.
1752
01:46:44.291 --> 01:46:45.875
Come here.
Come here, Michael.
1753
01:46:45.958 --> 01:46:48.625
-Come here, Michael! Come here!
-Get off of me!
1754
01:46:48.708 --> 01:46:49.666
Jesus Christ.
1755
01:46:55.833 --> 01:46:58.708
-Hey.
1756
01:46:59.916 --> 01:47:00.916
It's okay.
1757
01:47:02.375 --> 01:47:03.333
It's okay.
1758
01:47:08.500 --> 01:47:09.416
It's okay.
1759
01:47:13.375 --> 01:47:14.458
Hey, it's okay.
1760
01:47:17.083 --> 01:47:17.958
It's okay.
1761
01:47:26.166 --> 01:47:28.125
Who was it that always used to say,
1762
01:47:29.000 --> 01:47:33.583
"Show me a happy homosexual,
and I'll show you a gay corpse"?
1763
01:47:35.541 --> 01:47:36.500
I don't know.
1764
01:47:37.500 --> 01:47:39.458
Who was it who always used to say that?
1765
01:47:43.416 --> 01:47:46.291
If we could
just not hate ourselves so much.
1766
01:47:48.000 --> 01:47:50.916
That's it, you know?
1767
01:47:53.041 --> 01:47:54.208
If we could just…
1768
01:47:55.333 --> 01:47:59.083
Oh. If we could just learn
not to hate ourselves…
1769
01:48:00.291 --> 01:48:01.916
quite so very much.
1770
01:48:03.958 --> 01:48:04.916
Yes, I know.
1771
01:48:08.083 --> 01:48:10.083
-I know.
1772
01:48:24.416 --> 01:48:25.250
Okay.
1773
01:48:37.958 --> 01:48:40.291
By the way,
I think your analyst is a quack.
1774
01:48:42.333 --> 01:48:46.625
-Earlier, you said he was a prick.
-That's right. He's a prick quack.
1775
01:48:46.708 --> 01:48:49.041
-Or a quack prick. Whichever you prefer.
-Okay.
1776
01:48:54.000 --> 01:48:55.375
Harold was right.
1777
01:49:01.333 --> 01:49:02.750
You'll never change.
1778
01:49:28.958 --> 01:49:32.750
You suppose there's any possibility
of just flushing this place?
1779
01:49:38.041 --> 01:49:39.125
What time is it?
1780
01:49:39.916 --> 01:49:41.000
It's early.
1781
01:49:44.916 --> 01:49:46.000
Where are you going?
1782
01:49:48.708 --> 01:49:50.625
The bedroom's ocupado,
1783
01:49:51.583 --> 01:49:53.708
and I don't want
to go to sleep yet anyway.
1784
01:49:54.958 --> 01:49:56.875
I'm gonna try and walk off this booze.
1785
01:49:57.375 --> 01:49:58.791
If I went to sleep right now,
1786
01:49:58.875 --> 01:50:01.875
when I woke up,
they'd have to put me in a padded cell.
1787
01:50:02.750 --> 01:50:04.625
Not that that's where I don't belong.
1788
01:50:10.458 --> 01:50:12.708
There's a midnight mass
over at St. Malachy's
1789
01:50:12.791 --> 01:50:14.583
that all the show people go to. I th--
1790
01:50:15.250 --> 01:50:17.125
I think I'll walk over and catch it.
1791
01:50:20.333 --> 01:50:21.916
Well, pray for me.
1792
01:50:25.375 --> 01:50:27.291
Maybe they'll be gone when I get back.
1793
01:50:31.791 --> 01:50:33.791
Will I see you again next Saturday?
1794
01:50:36.583 --> 01:50:38.125
Unless you have other plans.
1795
01:50:41.916 --> 01:50:42.875
No.
1796
01:50:44.625 --> 01:50:46.250
- Michael.
-What?
1797
01:50:47.916 --> 01:50:50.333
Did he ever tell you
why he was crying on the phone?
1798
01:50:50.416 --> 01:50:51.333
No.
1799
01:50:52.541 --> 01:50:54.458
It must have been that he'd left Fran.
1800
01:50:56.500 --> 01:50:59.500
Or maybe it was something else,
and he changed his mind.
1801
01:50:59.583 --> 01:51:00.708
Maybe so.
1802
01:51:03.333 --> 01:51:04.750
I wonder why he left her.
1803
01:51:07.916 --> 01:51:10.833
As my father said to me
when he died in my arms,
1804
01:51:12.916 --> 01:51:14.708
"I don't understand any of it."
1805
01:51:15.708 --> 01:51:16.958
"I never did."
1806
01:51:18.500 --> 01:51:20.625
Turn out the lights
when you leave, will you?
1807
01:52:31.291 --> 01:52:33.208
What? Oh.