1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,760 Reese: Picture this if you will.... 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,720 It had been three days. And the last drop of water I'd had was to 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:25,060 wash down the sacred cactus that I received from father crow. 6 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:30,980 There I am, riding a burro dick-first into the belly of Death Valley 7 00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:35,660 when all of a sudden the great snake, Quetzalcoatl, cracked the sky like a son of a- 8 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,560 Christian: Shut up, shut up, he's turning, he's turning. 9 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:41,080 Reese: Yeah, we don't have to talk about it right now. 10 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:45,600 We've been following this subject for the past two hours 11 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,420 He hasn't caught on to us yet. if we could follow him back to his house that 12 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:53,500 would be a big deal because as of right now nobody knows where he lives. 13 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,580 Alright. All clear. 14 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,280 Christian: Shut up for a minute, okay? 15 00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:06,480 We're here. 16 00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:31,220 Christian: Go go go go! 17 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:57,080 Okay! if any of you made a fucking sound I will personally skin your face, 18 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,460 Turn that skin into leather, and use that leather to sew your lip shut. 19 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:03,900 Mike: Woah woah wait. Shouldn't we just knock first? 20 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,600 Don't be chickenshit, Mike. 21 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,100 Yeah, Mike. 22 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,980 Yeah, Mike! 23 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,040 I'm sorry. That was really inappropriate of me. 24 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,820 Christian: What the... fuck? 25 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,000 Where's that coming from? 26 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,600 Reese: you hear that too? 27 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,520 Out of the way! Out of the way! Mr. Wood! 28 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,540 Will Wood: What the f***? Who the f*** are you? Who are you? What the f***? No, get that the f*** out of my face 29 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,100 Christian: I just want to ask you a couple - 30 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,460 No, get that the f*** out of 31 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,260 What are you doing? 32 00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:14,880 Christian:For this documentary we're making about you. Will: No no no no no no stop stop stop 33 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,400 Christian: If you could just come out of the tub for a second I won't take a lot of your time 34 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,100 Christian: Five minutes of your time! 35 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,980 Christian: We're making a documentary... Will: Ow! 36 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,360 Now it's kicking in! 37 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,820 I'm Christian Dunning, documentarian. Documentarian and founder of Danger Baby Films. 38 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,640 I've directed several noteworthy investigative features, including Peanut Boy: A Lifestyle 39 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,960 Film festival favorite The Lonely Eyes 40 00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:22,100 And Fuck Dog. 41 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:28,480 I've always been fascinated by fringe individuals. Subcultures. The enigmatic personalities who thrive 42 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,080 within the shadows of society, unhindered by the status quo. 43 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,280 And in the underbelly of the living, breathing organism that is the state of New Jersey 44 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,360 One man is setting out to create a world of his own. 45 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:42,840 Guiding his cult-like followers into a world outside of what we perceive as real. 46 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:47,460 Which begs the question: who is the real Will Wood? 47 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,800 This is what we know. 48 00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,640 Will: I'm off my medication. 49 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,960 Interviewer: Love this outfit. 50 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,200 Will: thank you. 51 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,400 Maybe the fucking mood stabilizers aren't quite fucking working. 52 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,540 Will : I wish you were my daughter, I wish you were my daughter, I wish you were my daughter. 53 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,000 Interviewer: You're not on acid, are you? 54 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,880 Will Wood is a notoriously eccentric singer-songwriter with a growing cult following. 55 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:13,680 But despite his increasing notoriety, it's almost impossible to find any definitive information about him. 56 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:19,400 Different sources give different accounts on even the most basic facts of his life, he's been known to shy away from public appearances, 57 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:24,380 And even his fans seem to know almost nothing about him. Who is the real Will Wood? 58 00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:27,220 He's a rap scallion of the highest order, do not trust this man. 59 00:09:27,220 --> 00:09:29,460 Damned if I know, damned if I could tell you. 60 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:36,620 I don't know how to explain it. It's like just being you and me. Without being, uh, no doubt, by being pushed around by anybody else. 61 00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,860 Lives out in the woods, eating frozen waffles man, I don't know. 62 00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,860 He's out there man, real cat. 63 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:42,260 I don't think anybody really knows. 64 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,460 A mystery, an enigma. 65 00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:44,120 Exactly. 66 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,160 Can't put it any other way. 67 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:47,900 Which way are we going? 68 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,100 I like your microphone. It's a nice touch. 69 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,240 I'm excited to find out. 70 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,700 That's a fancy camera, nice lights. 71 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:54,700 Christian: Excuse me, sir? 72 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:57,220 Well that's a horrifying question, I have no idea. 73 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,540 He's the realest. 74 00:09:58,540 --> 00:09:59,460 He's not real! 75 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,820 Excuse me sir, excuse me, who is the real Will Wood? 76 00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:02,680 Will: are you fucking-- 77 00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:05,460 Hello who is the Real Will Wood? 78 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:06,280 What? 79 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:07,280 Say something, Mike. 80 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,120 Where am I? 81 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,620 Just make it up! 82 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,640 Dude, come on. 83 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,640 We need one shot. We need one shot! 84 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,620 Mike! Mike! Mike! 85 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:23,720 What we do know is that he's between the ages of 22 and 28, and that he lives in New Jersey, with his most-likely adopted daughter. 86 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,640 Who may or may not exist. 87 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,560 And that's about all we know. 88 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,360 But here at Danger Baby Films, we have a saying. 89 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:35,260 You can't spell documentary without cum. 90 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,500 Nope. 91 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,940 No seriously, it's right there. D-O-C-U-M... 92 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:44,460 The point is; we don't shy away from a challenge. 93 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,780 It's right there. 94 00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:52,740 So when my curiosity got the better of me, I set out to answer that question. Who is the real Will-- 95 00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,940 I thought I was going to say it. 96 00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:57,700 Who is the real-- 97 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:00,240 Who is-- 98 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,540 The real Will Wood? 99 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,420 I thought I saw a ghost. 100 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:48,400 Well he was uh. He was uh. He was, he was carrying the 101 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,720 skin of a cat that he grew up with and 102 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:56,440 then had stuffed to preserve its memory in 103 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,620 physical form but decided that with the 104 00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:07,440 skeleton inside the cat and all the stuff stuffing it it was too heavy so he removed the skin from the wireframe 105 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:13,460 of the taxidermy thing and slung it around his neck like a scarf. And um. 106 00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:19,690 He was... 107 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:43,350 I settled into a new mind in a flea-bitten tub-ring paradise of a queen size suite 108 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:47,980 of a Wyndham Microtel Econolodge Red Roof Inn Knights Inn Super 8 whatever outside Richmond Virginia. 109 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,840 Curled up with an old Showtime softcore porno and flipped through my phone for a few hours. 110 00:14:53,040 --> 00:15:00,920 Picked up a bag of swedish fish and a fistful of chocolate-covered cherries and a pack of Marlboro next for three dollars and ninety cents in the bodega by the Waffle House. 111 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,460 I spun my eyes over the beautiful floral arrangements blooming and tessellating in the stucco on the walls. 112 00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:08,600 anything I figured to keep my mind off those goose bumps that were rising and squeaking and cracking and 113 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:13,060 quacking and threatening anaphylaxis and asphyxiation with every sharp inhale that I took. 114 00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:16,140 With the threat of Stevens-Johnson syndrome behind my flesh. 115 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:22,220 And I watched as my skin crawled upwards to form a flesh noose to hang me from the rafters of that place I had found myself in 116 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:28,240 And I watched as my epidermis took on the shape whatever I feared the most in that moment. And I sat there down in that 117 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:33,860 flytrap-ashtray contemplating my next move, and weighing out the pros and cons 118 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:38,320 of every last rotten pulse. 119 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,380 It was either Wilmington North Carolina or the nearest hospital. 120 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:25,100 Kevin: Little-known fact, we used... I have a really old piano that we used for the recording. 121 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:31,400 He broke it, from playing it too hard. And then there was somehow blood on the upper half of the keys from all the sliding. 122 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:35,260 So, the blister juice... still haven't cleaned that off. 123 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,960 I think the first day we had booked he didn't even show up? 124 00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:44,420 I tried to contact his people, could not get a response. Eventually somehow I got a hold of him. 125 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,240 Can't remember how that happened but he said 126 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,600 he was using a different calendar. Like Mayan? I don't understand 127 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,280 I don't know, we haven't let him back. 128 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,940 the whole time he was on stilts. so sometimes he would come 129 00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:58,780 with to the sessions in different characters and one time he was like a 130 00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:02,220 greaser type character and just acted like an asshole the whole time. He would 131 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:07,850 not get out of character, he would kick over garbage cans and not pick it up. 132 00:17:07,850 --> 00:17:10,800 Uh... I mean there's the infamous clown I mean that needs no explanation. 133 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:20,320 what you have to do is become somebody other than what you thought you were in order to become somebody that somebody else could want 134 00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:23,880 He would nourish himself from this like, plastic bone. 135 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:28,140 He brought like all these huge books and he had like four or five of those and he 136 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:31,680 would just like have them all set up and he'd flip through them and when he left 137 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,700 the room and I was able to go in there without him seeing me, without his entourage, 138 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:41,720 I like quickly like glanced at them and there was nothing in there it was all blank. And I was just... 139 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,500 That was weird to me. 140 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:51,940 He would watch videos... I think it was YouTube about trains like old-timey train videos. Which is... 141 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,880 I don't know what that does for him. 142 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,440 he had like these weird little like gadgets that were like 143 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,640 alarm clocks and he would hide them all 144 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:04,660 around the room and I could never find them and they still go off and I can't find all of them, 145 00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:09,820 So I think he may have hid some in the walls when we were doing construction and now they're sealed up in there 146 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,560 it's pretty fucking annoying 147 00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:18,880 I majored in Chinese literature at um... 148 00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:21,640 somebody name a college. 149 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:24,680 He had an entourage of people with him and he was cloaked 150 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:28,360 so when he went in the room I couldn't even see him. 151 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,400 I don't know if I've met him yet. 152 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,280 I don't have an identity, I have an aesthetic. 153 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:40,920 He's incredible at basketball. Particularly three points. Nothing but net every time. 154 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,300 I think he's a... 155 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,700 tall, but... 156 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,360 but sad man. 157 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:14,580 We're here at Roxy and Dukes, de facto home base for Will Wood and his cult. If you look through here-- 158 00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:20,160 Vernon: step lively breeders, I have more pressing matters to attend to. Hey Griffin, that doesn't go there. Stage left. Left. 159 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,760 Christan: He is going to see us though, right? 160 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,600 Vernon: Well I don't know, William doesn't exactly love doing interviews during his pre-show rituals so you 161 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,440 have as much time as he's willing to give you. 162 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,040 Christan: But he will see us? 163 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,120 Vernon: Well I don't know, I haven't made an appointment in the 90 seconds that you've been here. 164 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,840 Plus ever since his daughter showed up-- 165 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,100 Okay, okay, so he does have a daughter, then. 166 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:39,160 Of course he has a fucking daughter, what kind of a person would lie about have a daughter? 167 00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:43,260 Uh, this is my daughter, Millicent K. Wood. 168 00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:47,120 She is a few years old. 169 00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:55,440 And here she stands before you made of uh... uh... flesh. Um... and bones. 170 00:23:55,620 --> 00:23:56,960 And other gross... 171 00:23:56,980 --> 00:23:58,840 the things that inside the body. 172 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,820 um alright that's enough you can go. Go. 173 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,260 Seems kind of young? 174 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:06,000 He's an old soul. He doesn't want public attention to do to Millie 175 00:24:06,060 --> 00:24:08,700 what it does so literally every other young girl the public eye. 176 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,760 Constantly having to maintain parasocial relationships in your most formative years 177 00:24:11,860 --> 00:24:14,600 isn't exactly the best way to avoid developing a complex where you place 178 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,440 too much self-worth on your value to others are some kind of commodity-- 179 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:22,840 Hey Griffin! What the fuck are you doing with that par can? Yeah. I can see you. 180 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,980 And need constant external validation to function emotionally 181 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,060 And fill that void with whatever distracts you from its existence. 182 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,700 As far as William's concerned sticking a camera in his face 183 00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:34,820 is like offering his daughter cocaine. 184 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:36,540 Anyways, he's through here. 185 00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:37,680 Thank you. 186 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,800 Yeah, fine. 187 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,180 But as far as your boss is concerned; you're a fucking coke dealer. 188 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,760 Hey Griffin, why don't you take five for lunch 189 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,320 and eat shit? 190 00:24:56,260 --> 00:24:57,860 Wait, did you say she has cocaine? 191 00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:58,540 No, Reese. 192 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,540 Okay. 193 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,480 Mr. Wood? Christian Dunning, documentarian. I'd like to-- 194 00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:11,640 What is this? 195 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:16,340 Traditional Yogic pose. Looks like Kundalini's reawakening exercise. 196 00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:19,640 It's fucking weird 197 00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:20,980 Mike: we're rolling. 198 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,840 You've been known for defying genre. 199 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,720 Uh, you've been compared to Tom Waits, Elton John, My Chemical Romance... 200 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:31,100 where do you find your influences? 201 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:42,580 So uh...it's been half an hour and uh... 202 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:52,540 I just saw you break into somebody's house I am not gonna sit here and indulge you 203 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,740 idea that you're fucking enlightened or whatever. 204 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:05,420 I know you can hear me you little shit. I know you can hear me fuckface. 205 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,580 I can't take this shit. Come on Siddhartha. 206 00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:13,900 I can't take this shit. Hey shithead. 207 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,420 I can't take this shit. 208 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,140 Time to be here now, Ram Dass. 209 00:26:17,140 --> 00:26:19,240 I won't take this shit! 210 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,420 Mike where's my klonopin? 211 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:22,660 Mike: I, uh... 212 00:26:22,660 --> 00:26:24,440 Did you not bring my fucking klonopin? 213 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,520 Mike: I didn't know I was supposed to... 214 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,820 Great. Fucking great model employee Mike. 215 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:29,440 Mike: You never... paid me... 216 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,120 Reese: you want a bump dude? 217 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:32,040 Where did you get that? 218 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:32,860 The coke dealer. 219 00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:34,240 Mike: I don't think you should be-- 220 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,320 Hey, shut the fuck up, Mike. 221 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,420 Yeah, Mike! 222 00:26:36,420 --> 00:26:38,220 You too you fucking goblin! 223 00:26:38,220 --> 00:26:40,380 everyone of you is a fucking goblin you 224 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,480 know that? Just...just...this is the problem 225 00:26:42,540 --> 00:26:45,440 no one here is willing to do anything more than the bare fucking minimum. 226 00:26:45,580 --> 00:26:49,940 Just passing off responsibility to everybody but themselves like... 227 00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:51,820 Like a fucking goblin! 228 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,800 You're a goblin, you're all fucking goblins! 229 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,620 I'm surrounded by goblins! 230 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,900 Okay. Okay. 231 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,440 Yeah if you could just get here as soon as possible. 232 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,180 I think he's concussed. There's a lot of blood. 233 00:27:24,340 --> 00:27:27,640 All right. Yeah. Please hurry. Thanks so much. 234 00:27:29,700 --> 00:27:32,440 Pizza will be here in 15. 235 00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:01,180 Do you still like me? I'm feeling very vulnerable. 236 00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:09,940 Audience member: Fuck! 237 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:15,040 I no longer feel safe. 238 00:32:15,780 --> 00:32:18,640 Will can handle hecklers with the best of them 239 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:24,400 Will: Fuck you that fucking sucks dude! That was all bad notes! 240 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:28,020 No talent! No talent! No talent! 241 00:32:28,260 --> 00:32:30,400 He is just calm and cool. 242 00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:33,460 I would rather be drawn and quartered by neo-nazis riding the backs of 243 00:32:33,460 --> 00:32:37,420 wildebeests then listen to another unholy marriage of consonant and vowel 244 00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:39,380 coming out of that foul hole you call mouth. 245 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,760 He never loses the levity. 246 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,460 That's the fucking dumbest thing I ever heard. You gotta shut the fuck up who the hell are you? 247 00:32:46,460 --> 00:32:47,640 Whatever I already have your money. 248 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,620 When he's saying something on stage he really likes when the fans yell really loud. 249 00:32:52,620 --> 00:32:58,260 yeah that is the best contribution I've heard all night! 250 00:32:58,460 --> 00:33:01,560 Because um... it's an interruption of the 251 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,560 thing that he worked so hard to produce 252 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,200 Thank you so much. You taught me something. 253 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:12,060 So he really enjoys the feeling of that sort of being snatched from his clutches. 254 00:33:17,180 --> 00:33:22,200 Will put into place and name-your-own-price policy for merchandise. 255 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,640 It was a short trial run. 256 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,400 My balls are wet so. That usually means my work is done. 257 00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,280 Will Wood is a f***ing lunatic. 258 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,100 For those of you just tuning in yes those are teeth. 259 00:33:55,220 --> 00:33:56,580 Mike: Let's see 'em, how many did you get? 260 00:33:56,580 --> 00:33:58,080 Fan: He just has real teeth. 261 00:33:58,180 --> 00:33:59,240 Will is kind of strange. 262 00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:00,560 I have a few in my pocket. 263 00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:02,080 Wow! You got a lot! 264 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,380 You definitely got more. 265 00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:05,800 Come here. 266 00:34:09,060 --> 00:34:11,400 Oh, where do I get the teeth? The internet. China. 267 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:13,780 Welcome to the show, how you been, what's your name? 268 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,480 Here I go, crowdsurfing. 269 00:34:16,740 --> 00:34:18,600 Let's open up this fucking pit. 270 00:34:31,180 --> 00:34:33,000 If you're not your worst behavior... 271 00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:34,300 Get the fuck out. 272 00:39:24,980 --> 00:39:28,600 Alright! Thanks to our tenacity, 273 00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:34,800 perseverance, and general strength of spirit we have moved forward! 274 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:40,740 Undaunted by misfortune! we've secured another interview with Mr. Wood despite all the apparent 275 00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:45,760 challenges. Just took a little bit of persuasive language. 276 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,420 You know, Reese can be difficult sometimes. 277 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:54,920 No! 278 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,840 Did I put it on the grill? 279 00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:07,440 He's a habitual user of barbiturates, hard stimulants, hallucinogens, and weed 280 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:15,600 and he always breaks at least $100 worth of equipment per shoot but god damn it if Reese Van Krueger isn't the finest line producer I've ever met. 281 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,180 Yes, good afternoon, this is Detective R.L. Stine 282 00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:22,060 with the Endicott Sheriff's Department. We have reason to believe that there may 283 00:40:22,060 --> 00:40:25,920 be a suspect in a high-level drug trafficking case currently at your 284 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:32,380 facility. Has anyone checked in the last 24 hours with the name Will Wood? 285 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:34,860 Okay. 286 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:40,340 I'm gonna need a room number for the individual right away. Okay. 287 00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:46,220 dispatch is setting over units right now please stay where you are. Okay? 288 00:40:46,860 --> 00:40:49,480 Alright yes. Thank you. 289 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,100 I'm very drunk, goodbye. 290 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:06,700 Hi. Hello. 291 00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:08,320 Stranger: Movie movie movie? 292 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:09,480 Reese: Yeah. 293 00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:20,600 Holy shit, it's open. Okay. Mike don't fuck this up for me again, okay? Do you understand? 294 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:26,340 I will fuck your dad. 295 00:41:28,180 --> 00:41:32,120 Will: Beautiful fucking tits, I'm Johnny Depp god damnit, just watch me d-- oh. 296 00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:31,340 Will: Ahh. 297 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:41,360 So it ends as it begins. I I know things haven't been perfect. 298 00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:53,740 Let's face it it's been weird. if anything I blame myself. For not keeping my spirit my mind present. So... 299 00:43:53,740 --> 00:43:57,080 I'm an open book. Go ahead. 300 00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:03,360 Ask me anything. Whatever you'd like to know. I'm all yours. 301 00:44:03,820 --> 00:44:05,720 Okay! 302 00:44:06,140 --> 00:44:07,980 Okay, good! Um... 303 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,520 Will: What's up dude? 304 00:44:16,140 --> 00:44:18,020 Uh uhh I don't know know, I... 305 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,820 D-do you... 306 00:44:22,820 --> 00:44:24,700 Yeah? 307 00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:43,500 Horseshit! 308 00:49:24,740 --> 00:49:28,740 B-b-buh buh-boxers or briefs? 309 00:49:29,020 --> 00:49:31,420 What the fuck was that? 310 00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,440 I don't know! I just looked into that fucking eye on his forehead and all I can think about was 311 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,080 like, face paint and saxophones. 312 00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:41,000 Um... have you... you ever kiss a girl? 313 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,060 I've never fucking choked like that. 314 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:44,880 I'm a fucking journalist goddamn it! 315 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,360 Five and a half inches, average girth. 316 00:49:48,620 --> 00:49:50,780 uh what's what's average? 317 00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,839 He's psychic I know that sounds insane but it's like 318 00:49:54,839 --> 00:49:58,019 one second I am ready to expose the truth about this person and the next I'm 319 00:49:58,020 --> 00:50:00,060 a fucking mindless child! 320 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,840 You know I'm not-- 321 00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,620 I just I just want to make something that people give a shit 322 00:50:11,620 --> 00:50:22,520 about you know like... I just like... like my... I feel like I have so much to say and 323 00:50:27,220 --> 00:50:30,180 Oh, sorry. 324 00:50:30,860 --> 00:50:34,500 This isn't over! This isn't over you hear me you fucking 325 00:50:34,620 --> 00:50:40,100 snake? I'm coming for you. I'm going to find out exactly who the real Will Wood is. 326 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,480 Reese: Who? 327 00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:50,780 Why do you think you slapped me? 328 00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,560 Mike: are you sure you want us filming this? 329 00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:15,120 Ladies and gentlmen, boys, girls, neithers, boths and in-betweens -- 330 00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:18,520 Christian: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey bitch! 331 00:58:20,700 --> 00:58:23,140 Christian: Don't think I don't know you. 332 00:58:23,140 --> 00:58:31,540 Don't think I don't know you, okay? Okay, you're a fucking snake! You're a snake! 333 00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:37,920 Oh look! I'm Will Wood! I'm gonna do a bunch of random shit and nobody's gonna get it, no one's gonna know what's going on. 334 00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:43,120 Oh, I guess that makes it art! Fuck you! 335 00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:51,400 Fuckin... what do you, what do you think you are? okay I've been doing, do-- don't you touch me! 336 00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:56,900 Don't you fuck-- you're a fucking nobody! You're a fucking you... you know your place! 337 00:58:56,980 --> 00:59:02,120 I have been doing this all by the book, okay? I have done everything the 338 00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:07,380 way I'm supposed to do it and you're just fucking - who is who is the real 339 00:59:07,380 --> 00:59:12,060 Will Wood, huh? Who are you? Who are you? 340 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:19,060 Who the fuck are you? 341 00:59:28,700 --> 00:59:30,380 Boo this motherfucker! 342 00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:38,859 Get the fuck offstage! Get this motherfucker off the stage! Come on, get the fuck off of here! 343 00:59:38,860 --> 00:59:43,160 Jesus Christ. We tend to attract a certain type. 344 00:59:43,740 --> 00:59:46,760 Fuck that guy! Fuck that guy! Fuck that guy! 345 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:51,300 Thank you for your patience. Thank you everybody. I don't know what that was 346 01:02:44,780 --> 01:02:47,860 Christian Dunning, documentarian... 347 01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:54,960 Will: Get the fuck offstage! Get this motherfucker off stage! Come on! Get the fuck off of here! 348 01:02:57,540 --> 01:02:58,880 Jesus Christ. 349 01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:01,560 Audience: fuck that guy! 350 01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:04,200 Will: We tend to attract a certain type. 351 01:03:04,340 --> 01:03:05,700 Thank you for your pa-- 352 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:17,540 So... do we keep this? 353 01:03:18,460 --> 01:03:20,280 We're done. 354 01:03:20,380 --> 01:03:21,760 Mike: What? 355 01:03:22,900 --> 01:03:25,340 We're done. I'm done. 356 01:03:26,900 --> 01:03:30,180 Turn the camera off. I'm done. 357 01:03:38,740 --> 01:03:42,400 So do we keep going? 358 01:03:53,940 --> 01:03:54,820 Hey! 359 01:03:54,820 --> 01:03:55,540 Fan: Hi? 360 01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:57,040 Reese: Who's the real Will Wood? 361 01:03:57,040 --> 01:03:57,900 Fan: What? 362 01:03:57,900 --> 01:03:58,900 Oh who the f*** knows? 363 01:03:58,900 --> 01:04:00,440 Who's the real Will Wood, bitch? 364 01:04:00,540 --> 01:04:04,200 You have no f*cking idea, huh? Are you blind, is that why you're wearing that? 365 01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:05,520 What's your name? 366 01:04:06,020 --> 01:04:07,700 Yeah, it doesn't matter. 367 01:04:08,020 --> 01:04:10,620 Who's the real Will Wood? Mike Bottiglieri: No more questions I don't want any questions. 368 01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:15,100 Want to dump this loser and go on home tonight? What's your name again? 369 01:04:15,100 --> 01:04:16,320 Gabby. 370 01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:19,160 Abby! That's a nice name, that's my sister's name. 371 01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:28,240 He's an idea formed from the mind of God that just fell down to earth, rolled around in the mud, and is here tonight. 372 01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:34,080 No. 373 01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:40,280 Who's the real Will Wood? 374 01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:41,360 I am. 375 01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:42,860 I'm the real Will Wood. 376 01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:44,880 I'm real Will Wood. 377 01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,000 Why are you doing this? 378 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:56,200 Who's the real Will Wood? Jon: I'm very nervous right now. 379 01:04:56,200 --> 01:04:57,540 You don't know? 380 01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,060 My boyfriend's drug dealer. 381 01:04:59,260 --> 01:05:00,520 Someone I look up to very much. 382 01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:02,800 Lot of power in that handshake. 383 01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,000 Who is the real Will Wood? Mike Bottiglieri: You already asked me this, man. 384 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,180 I don't know. 385 01:05:06,180 --> 01:05:06,960 That guy sucks. 386 01:05:07,020 --> 01:05:07,880 Who f*cking knows? 387 01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:09,100 The jersey devil. 388 01:05:09,100 --> 01:05:11,020 He is the reincarnation of our Lord and Savior. 389 01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:15,160 Uh... Jewish man, mid 20's... that's all I know! 390 01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,780 Do you ejaculate into a sandwich? 391 01:05:19,940 --> 01:05:22,140 That guys the pits man, I tell ya. 392 01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:25,360 but you know Wood plus Will, worms plus tape. 393 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,600 What does real Wood-- what's his name? 394 01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:30,060 Half of my vocaublary is gone. 395 01:05:30,180 --> 01:05:34,180 An unfortunate continuance of a discombobulated creation. 396 01:05:34,920 --> 01:05:36,460 I don't know, I'm going to find out tonight though. 397 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:37,880 Can I get a kiss? 398 01:05:37,900 --> 01:05:39,080 Absolutely not. 399 01:05:42,500 --> 01:05:44,040 Uh, I don't think it matters. 400 01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:45,180 No idea! 401 01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:51,720 Actually just an astral projection right now, but he's actually sitting at home among 27 different types of insence. 402 01:05:52,180 --> 01:05:53,460 Incest! 403 01:05:53,460 --> 01:05:55,460 Hey who's the real-- 404 01:05:56,020 --> 01:05:56,960 Okay. 405 01:05:57,180 --> 01:06:02,880 You can tell me anything, I'm on acid and I've been smoking weed and I'm drunk as f*** right now. 406 01:06:05,900 --> 01:06:07,360 I'm a birdbath. 407 01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:51,640 Hi, I'm Will Collins. The actor who plays Will Wood on stage and in this movie 408 01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:54,780 that you're watching. Obviously. My face has been all over it, I don't know why I 409 01:10:54,780 --> 01:10:57,920 bothered saying that. I'm Will Collins. Thing about the name Will Wood I didn't 410 01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:01,300 just pick it because it had like good stage name cadence or because like it's 411 01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:05,820 got that alliteration. The real reason I picked it is because it really, to me 412 01:11:05,820 --> 01:11:10,650 felt like a little bit of a play off the idea of "Will Wood would or Will Wood 413 01:11:10,650 --> 01:11:15,360 wouldn't Will would or Will wouldn't or what will Will Wood do what wouldn't he 414 01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:19,230 do, you know. Sort of like an assertion like "I will not do what you expect me to 415 01:11:19,230 --> 01:11:23,660 do, I'm not going to be who you think I should be. Cuz I do think that everybody 416 01:11:23,660 --> 01:11:27,480 has somewhat of a right to perceive how they're... or to control how they're perceived. 417 01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:30,179 Everybody's identity kind of becomes public domain when, when 418 01:11:30,179 --> 01:11:33,630 it's out there but at the end of the day, I have a right. And right now that's 419 01:11:33,630 --> 01:11:41,280 being taken from me. These people. These malicious scumbags are doing whatever 420 01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:44,760 they want. I don't approve of this film. I don't condone this film I don't like 421 01:11:44,760 --> 01:11:49,770 this film. I don't consent to this film. The way I'm being portrayed in this 422 01:11:49,770 --> 01:11:54,360 makes me look completely ridiculous and completely absurd and is not at all 423 01:11:54,360 --> 01:11:57,330 reflective of who I am as a person, or who I want to be as an artist. But the 424 01:11:57,330 --> 01:12:00,179 thing is apparently they can just do that they can make me look like a 425 01:12:00,179 --> 01:12:04,890 criminal at best or a... fucking malevolent trickster god, cuz apparently there's 426 01:12:04,890 --> 01:12:09,480 some section of parody law in entertainment law like parody law 427 01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:13,860 protects them. As long as they claim that it's a mockumentary as long as they say 428 01:12:13,860 --> 01:12:17,880 "Hey we're just joking" apparently they can do whatever they want. And I have no 429 01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:20,040 legal recourse, I have no personal recourse 430 01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:24,090 I'm completely... this is out of my hands and so I'm what I'm saying is; this is 431 01:12:24,090 --> 01:12:29,370 all I can do: is say to you people if you're watching this, please for the love 432 01:12:29,370 --> 01:12:34,000 of God turn it off. Please. If-- 433 01:12:35,280 --> 01:12:37,900 Good evening. I'm William Casparian. 434 01:12:38,040 --> 01:12:40,860 Multimedia pop artist and actor portraying "Will Collins" in the film you 435 01:12:40,860 --> 01:12:43,720 are currently watching. Addressing the audience directly 436 01:12:43,720 --> 01:12:46,990 in the context of dramatic production as I'm doing now by speaking to the camera 437 01:12:46,990 --> 01:12:49,480 is referred to as breaking the fourth wall. 438 01:12:49,480 --> 01:12:53,770 This practice gets its namesake from its roots in live theatre, where the action 439 01:12:53,770 --> 01:12:56,680 in a play is performed as though there is an imaginary wall separating the 440 01:12:56,680 --> 01:12:58,750 audience for the events unfolding before them. 441 01:12:58,750 --> 01:13:02,830 This fourth wall is usually assumed in the suspension of disbelief, and when it's 442 01:13:02,830 --> 01:13:06,700 denied and the convention is subverted, it's usually used to provide a humorous 443 01:13:06,700 --> 01:13:10,380 interjection to the story they're watching, or to give a closer look inside the 444 01:13:10,380 --> 01:13:12,980 minds of the characters. Most notably in the --- 445 01:13:13,100 --> 01:13:17,740 I'm William Cardigan. Writer, actor, performer, and most notably creator of the "Will Collins," "Will Wood," 446 01:13:17,740 --> 01:13:21,580 and "William Casparian" characters. What I'm doing right now is using 447 01:13:21,580 --> 01:13:25,240 a fourth wall breakage to inform the audience of the fourth wall's existence. 448 01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:33,800 My intention with this is to provide a provocative subversion of what has at this point become nothing more than pseudo-intellectual fodder and essentially a trope used to 449 01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:36,180 to parade about the auteur's presumed creativity and intellect like a 450 01:13:36,180 --> 01:13:38,320 pair of big, swinging testicles. 451 01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:43,140 I'm Willard Cabernacle. Hi. Just so we're clear the quality of art isn't somehow miraculously improved when it 452 01:13:43,150 --> 01:13:47,980 acknowledges its own flaws. Okay? Alright? Okay? Cool. Okay. So just pointing out your 453 01:13:47,980 --> 01:13:51,310 own flaws and being aware of them doesn't somehow erase them -- if anything 454 01:13:51,310 --> 01:13:56,620 it only proves a lack of confidence of the part of the artist. If an artist makes a poor artistic decision and does so with conviction 455 01:13:56,700 --> 01:13:59,640 sure the efficacy of his testicles may be called question. But their size, their weight, 456 01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:07,460 their momentum, will not. Okay? Thank you. You learned. 457 01:14:07,460 --> 01:14:13,060 Alright so let's say random example, okay? Random fucking example. You try to write a bad movie on purpose. 458 01:14:13,060 --> 01:14:17,240 Guess what dude? All you did at the end of the day is just make another shitty fucking movie. 459 01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:20,400 like wow okay all you're saying is "fuck you dude, I meant to waste your god damn time" 460 01:14:20,440 --> 01:14:23,800 Fuck you, man. Wow congratulations! You're a goddamn genius with self-referential 461 01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:27,600 shit. Well you know what, man? Fuck you you're not that original, alright? Miss me with that gay shit. 462 01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:31,360 I'm Wes Craven, pansexual. In Joseph Campbell's "Hero with a Thousand 463 01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:35,470 Faces," Campbell posits that all stories are, at their core, the same. I bring this 464 01:14:35,470 --> 01:14:39,740 up to say that originality itself is an outdated concept. There are no new ideas 465 01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:44,240 knowing this we can either abandon art entirely or acknowledge its future lies in self-reference. 466 01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:48,000 Salutations ladies and gentlemen, I'm Wax Cassidy, owner, 467 01:14:48,010 --> 01:14:51,760 proprietor, and CEO of Will Wood and the Tapeworms limited incorporated LLC, and if you want 468 01:14:51,760 --> 01:14:54,880 me to be able to continue to make art, then go ahead and fish that 469 01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:57,969 checkbook out of your daddy's bottom drawer and send it to blank to 470 01:14:57,969 --> 01:15:02,640 Will Wood and the Tapeworms dot bigcartel dot com! That's right, and if you're a real fan and not some parasitic fucking layabout, 471 01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:07,080 Then what you'll do is purchase one of our fine products from our line of Will Wood and the Tapeworms merchandise. 472 01:15:07,200 --> 01:15:13,620 We've got hats, we've got T-Shirts, we got CD's, we got laptop cases, we got those little buttons you can put on the back of your iphone so you look like an asshole when you take a selfie. 473 01:15:13,620 --> 01:15:17,000 That is right folks, and maybe, just maybe if you spend enough money... 474 01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:17,920 maybe if you spend enough money 475 01:15:18,060 --> 01:15:20,560 Next time one of you greasy little rat-fucks comes up to me at a concert 476 01:15:20,560 --> 01:15:22,700 I won't have to pretend to remember your fucking face. 477 01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:26,180 Art is dead and its blood runs cold over the capitalist's knife! 478 01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:29,840 Yeehaw! Art is capitalism, grow the fuck up! 479 01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:43,200 Uhhh greetings and salutations, ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls, neithers, boths, and in-betweens. I'm Will Wood, imaginary person. 480 01:15:43,480 --> 01:15:47,800 We are now trapped within a recursive loop of perpetual self-reference, thus 481 01:15:47,840 --> 01:15:50,620 proving post-modernism is fucking stupid. 482 01:15:59,560 --> 01:16:00,920 Will Wood: I don't get it. 483 01:16:03,780 --> 01:16:05,800 Hey, I'm Quetzalcoatl. 484 01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:07,620 immigration! 485 01:16:08,180 --> 01:16:09,660 Give me your hearts! 486 01:16:10,740 --> 01:16:12,280 Wait, what was that first line again? 487 01:16:14,580 --> 01:16:16,540 Eh? 488 01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:18,340 Eh! 489 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:19,960 Eh? 490 01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:21,580 Ehh... 491 01:16:21,860 --> 01:16:24,860 Ehhh? 492 01:16:25,200 --> 01:16:26,880 Ayyyy! 493 01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:28,360 Oh! Oh! 494 01:16:28,360 --> 01:16:29,660 Ooh! Ooh! 495 01:16:30,040 --> 01:16:33,440 Oooooooh! 496 01:16:33,440 --> 01:16:38,940 Oh! Ah! Woah! Yeah! 497 01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:42,580 Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Mhm. 498 01:16:42,840 --> 01:16:43,860 Eh. 499 01:16:43,940 --> 01:16:44,440 Eh! 500 01:16:44,480 --> 01:16:44,980 Eh? 501 01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:45,740 Eh! 502 01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:46,380 Eh?? 503 01:16:46,760 --> 01:16:47,260 Eh?! 504 01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:57,940 Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 505 01:16:59,900 --> 01:17:00,960 Scene. 506 01:20:04,480 --> 01:20:11,400 When we drop this shit, I wanna see you at each others' throats man, make some fuckin' noise. 1 2 3 507 01:28:54,340 --> 01:28:57,580 Howdy! 508 01:28:58,220 --> 01:29:04,460 I'm Christian Dunning and uh I'm a tree farmer 509 01:29:09,240 --> 01:29:12,820 Well you know, it's the Christmas season. Gets pretty busy around here this time 510 01:29:12,820 --> 01:29:17,380 of year. It's a good time to make a little bit of extra cash. Keep busy. it's 511 01:29:17,480 --> 01:29:21,880 It's pretty peaceful the rest of the year but, you know, it can surprise you sometimes 512 01:29:22,540 --> 01:29:26,860 besides there's something kind of magical about knowing that these kids are gonna be 513 01:29:26,860 --> 01:29:33,100 opening up their gift from Santa under one of my trees. You know? 514 01:29:33,160 --> 01:29:37,480 Now Blue Spruce has a good look to it but it's hardly your classic Christmas tree. 515 01:29:37,480 --> 01:29:42,340 Needles are gonna be a little bit prickly on this one. Eastern hemlock: it's uh, it's gonna be a 516 01:29:42,350 --> 01:29:46,190 bit sparse. Not a lot of room for ornaments but it's a sturdy tree. 517 01:29:46,190 --> 01:29:49,460 Take a look at those cones. Hearty lookin' cones aren't they? 518 01:29:49,460 --> 01:29:52,920 Tsuga Canadensis. 519 01:29:53,420 --> 01:29:55,140 Now you want to make sure not to cut these down too 520 01:29:55,140 --> 01:29:58,520 early or else you're gonna lose your needles. A good trick is ya, just take a little 521 01:29:58,520 --> 01:30:00,520 bit off here, you know? Rub them together... 522 01:30:02,280 --> 01:30:05,360 Yeah. Smells like Christmas. 523 01:30:05,440 --> 01:30:08,900 How you know you got the right one. 524 01:30:16,920 --> 01:30:26,400 You know, you just think, I uh... I wouldn't have found any of this peace if uh... Mike hadn't 525 01:30:27,080 --> 01:30:30,180 single-handedly ruined by film career. 526 01:30:33,140 --> 01:30:34,680 Who wants cocoa?