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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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-As a filmmaker, I try to
remain a neutral observer,

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but what caused me
to tell Stan Grof's story

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and what I learned in the
process made that impossible.

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My name is Susan,
and for most of my life,

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I felt like I really
didn't belong here,

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like I was born
on the wrong planet.

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All I could think of
was how to go back.

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-[ Crying ]

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-The magic that filled my dreams

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would evaporate
with the daylight.

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For a while, ballet seemed
like the place where I belonged,

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but even that
eventually changed.

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Then in my early 20s,
I tried LSD.

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For the first time,
I felt lovable.

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Finally, I believed in myself,
and everything changed.

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But without a structure
to ground me,

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I made bad choices
that harmed my body

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and others
that took years to undo.

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And then I discovered shamanism
and learned how to journey.

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Up I went, past the clouds,

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beyond the Earth's atmosphere,

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until I was surrounded
by darkness.

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I met my teachers and felt
that I had known them forever.

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They healed me, helped me
make sense of the world,

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and could explain anything.

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Once I even asked for a story,
and they showed me one.

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♪♪

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♪♪

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I started to make changes
that were difficult.

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I traveled to France
and fell in love.

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But then we couldn't
get pregnant,

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and I learned that
if I wanted a baby,

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I'd have to tune
back into Earth.

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♪♪

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♪♪

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-We got a lot of candy,
and we got a...

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-When I thought my kids
were old enough,

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I tried to reconnect.

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There were insights,
but no upward journey

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to meet my teachers.

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In the search for another way
to reconnect with them,

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I learned about Stan Grof.

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-Consciousness is not something
that emerges

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as an accident after billions
of years of evolution,

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something that requires
a central nervous system.

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And I had an experience that
just sort of changed my life

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both professionally
and personally.

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People get tranquilizers and
get hospitalized for experiences

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that in other cultures would be
considered extremely valuable.

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-Stan Grof is known

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as the pioneer
of psychedelic psychotherapy.

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Drawing from his own experiences

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and from thousands of high-dose
LSD sessions with is patients.

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The insights he gained
personally combined

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with the experiences
of his patients

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expanded his understanding
of the human psyche.

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It stretched beyond
the biographical information

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that begins after we are born
to memories

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surrounding our time in the womb
and during the birth process.

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His expanded map even included
the spiritual nature

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of humanity,

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recognizing
past-life experiences

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and dimensions of consciousness
we share with all of creation.

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Stan used these insights

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to co-found
Transpersonal Psychology

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with Abraham Maslow,

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and working with his wife,
Christina,

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organized international
transpersonal conferences

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around the world.

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During much of this period,

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Stan was also
the scholar-in-residence

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at the Esalen Institute
in Big Sur.

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Spiritual masters
and groundbreaking pioneers

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representing a broad spectrum
of disciplines

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were frequent guests
at the workshops

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and month-long retreats
he offered

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during his 14 years there.

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It was there that Stan
and Christina

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developed Holotropic Breathwork,

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a breathing technique
that could induce

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powerful non-ordinary states
of consciousness

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similar to an LSD session.

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I had to meet Stan.

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On some deep level I knew

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he could help me
find my way back in.

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When I learned he would
be teaching a course,

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I signed up immediately.

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-I was so far talking about

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non-ordinary
states of consciousness,

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but I have been all these
60 years now interested

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in a very significant
large subgroup

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of these
non-ordinary experiences

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for which current psychology
has no special name.

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They're all put in the category

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of altered states
of consciousness.

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What it suggests somehow
is that there's a correct way

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of experiencing
ourselves in the world,

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and that in these states,
it's distorted.

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We have to use
this new psychology

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if we want to use
effectively Holotropic states.

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You know, if you want
to run psychedelic sessions

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or do Holotropic Breathwork,

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or if we want to work
with people

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who are in spiritual emergency.

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-I had read about
Stan's theories

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on how our experiences
in the womb

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affected our unconscious,

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but to hear him explain it gave
me a whole new understanding.

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-...that the experiences,
if you regress to birth,

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the experiences come
in four patterns.

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I call them perinatal matrices,
basic perinatal matrices.

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The first perinatal matrix
relates to the situation

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of the fetus still in the womb

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before the onset
of the delivery.

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This could be pregnancy
which is a result of planning,

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of the parents'
loving expectation.

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The mother is
physically healthy,

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is in emotionally
good condition.

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Reliving of that kind of state

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would be a very ecstatic
experience.

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Now, this doesn't
necessarily happen.

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There are pregnancy which are
a result of rape,

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of a one-night stand
when both parents were drunk,

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where the marriage was broken,

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the mother is abused physically

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and emotionally unhealthy.

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The pregnancy could be
so unwelcome

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that there are attempts
at abortion.

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Another possibility,
the mother is Rh negative,

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the father is Rh positive,

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so that from the beginning
the fetus is being attacked,

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immunologically treated
as an invader.

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Come nine months, plus/minus,

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this is the onset
of the delivery.

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First hormonal changes
which are then translated

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into mechanical contractions
of the uterus.

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Each contraction compresses
the arteries

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and interrupts
placentary circulation

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between the mother and the child

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which means no supply of oxygen,
no nourishment coming in,

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and there's no removal
of metabolic products.

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There's no resolution for it
because the cervix is not open,

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just contractions of the uterus
in a closed system.

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Now, with each contraction,

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the cervix is being pulled
over the head.

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It's dilating.

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When it reaches
the necessary size,

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then it's the transition
to the third matrix.

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The contractions continue
with all the consequences,

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but the cervix is now open,

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so there is this
laborious propulsions

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through the birth canal.

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Now there are tremendous
pressures here.

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Suffocation and the pain
generate powerful energy

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which has all the qualities
of sexual energy.

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Our first encounter
with sexual energy,

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we were inflicting pain
on another organism.

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Another organism
was inflecting pain on us.

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We couldn't breathe.

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There were a lot of pressures
and fear.

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This kind of experience
then can become

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the basis of the development
of various sexual dysfunctions,

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deviations,
aberrations, perversions.

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Then we have the completion
of the delivery,

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headfirst or feetfirst, and then
the umbilical cord is cut.

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From then on the child exists

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as an anatomically
independent individual,

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still biologically emotionally
dependent, of course.

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♪♪

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-The matrices begin with unity,

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transition to Hell
with no escape,

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then to purgatory
with the end in sight

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where you are the victim and the
perpetrator and the observer,

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and finally culminate
in freedom

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and a newfound sense
of connection.

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-Thank you very much for...
-As Stan finished,

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I remembered
the rebirthing workshop

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I'd taken at Rajneeshpuram
back in the '80s.

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I felt like I was dropping
into a deep pit

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that grew more painful
as I descended.

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Just when I thought
I was going to die,

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I burst through
into an ocean of love and light.

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♪♪

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♪♪

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Joseph Campbell is best known
for his work

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in comparing mythologies
and religions

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from cultures around the world.

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He met Stan in the late '60s

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at a conference
in New York City.

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When Campbell heard
Stan's theory

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on the four perinatal matrices,
he instantly solved a mystery

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that had intrigued him
for years.

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He couldn't understand
how cultures

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from diverse
geographical locations

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could share the same
death-rebirth themes.

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He called it a monomyth.

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But when he saw
Stan's presentation,

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he understand
that these cultures

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were reliving the experience
of their own births.

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The perinatal matrices,

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especially the third moving
into the fourth,

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served as the threshold
for the "Hero's Journey."

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The rites of passage
that these cultures developed

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allowed their initiates

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to access unconscious
birth memories,

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face their fear of death
and finally free themselves

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from a deep maternal dependency.

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-Birth itself is not only
a rite of passage,

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but is perhaps
the universal rite of passage

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that we all go through.

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Perhaps it's through
that experience

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that we come into the world
knowing deeply that if we are

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to succeed in the ongoing
actualization of our potentials,

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whatever they are as individuals
throughout the life cycle

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for however long we live,
we will need to undergo

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repeatedly similar rites
of passage.

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-Holotropic Breathwork is
an experiential approach

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to self-exploration,

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to therapy which uses
very, very simple means.

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It uses faster breathing.

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It uses a powerful,
evocative music

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and also some kind of bodywork
when it's indicated.

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-Each individual
will choose a partner.

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One of those people
does the breathing,

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and the other person
sits with him or her,

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and then they switch roles
so that everybody gets a chance

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to participate
both as a breather

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and as what we call a sitter.

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-And we also combine with what
we call Mandala drawings,

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and after the session
they try to communicated

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what happened to them
in a kind of graphic way.

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-The second day of the
conference was the breathwork.

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I couldn't believe
how anxious I felt.

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♪♪

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Towards the end
of the three hours,

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I sat up thinking
that it was over.

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It had been a pleasant
experience,

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and I tried to tell
the facilitator that I was fine,

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that she could take care
of the next person,

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but she wouldn't leave.

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The minutes stretched on

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when suddenly a wave of sadness
rolled up from my belly,

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and that's when I understood
the meaning of Stan's phrase,

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"As long as it takes."

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Everyone deserves the time
for the process to fully unfold.

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♪♪

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♪♪

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Later during the course,

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Stan showed slides
from his Tantra presentation.

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It was the same theme
that my teacher showed me

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some 20 years earlier.

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Suddenly I realized that on
some deep level, I wasn't alone.

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There was something universal
about what I'd experienced,

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00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,580
and Stan held the wisdom
I needed

257
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,333
to make sense
of how it all fit together.

258
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,586
About nine months later,

259
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,755
I learned that Christina
had died

260
00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:01,924
and worried that
Stan might follow her

261
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,760
if there wasn't something
to keep him engaged.

262
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:07,596
When I learned about
the conference honoring him,

263
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,808
I knew I had to go.

264
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,561
-Welcome to the Bay Area,

265
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:17,231
and as Rick Tarnas
has been heard to say,

266
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:21,443
where new ideas meet
the least resistance.

267
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:26,448
-For over a half-century,
Stan Grof has fully engaged

268
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,908
and then participated

269
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,078
in the great transformation
of world view

270
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,997
that is taking place
in our era.

271
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:38,460
-He was my mentor,
fellow explorer of new visions,

272
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,297
copresenter at many seminars,

273
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,924
and guide in
experiential therapies.

274
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:48,470
-At 75 years ago, Stan and I
were kind of conspiring

275
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,641
to attack the non-ordinary
states of consciousness.

276
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,643
-When I finally overcame
my qualms

277
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,813
and moved from semi-hard drugs
to psychedelics

278
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,190
and started having
LSD experiences,

279
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:04,361
which were the most
amazing things I had ever had.

280
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,113
-It was a very different...

281
00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,198
-Here were all these
accomplished people,

282
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,160
and the one thing they had
in common was an experience

283
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:15,331
of non-ordinary
states of consciousness.

284
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,707
I had always imagined
that people

285
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,835
who did psychedelics
remained hippies for life.

286
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:22,004
And what about the mainstream
news warnings

287
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,674
of irreparable damage
from using LSD?

288
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,843
But the presenters were some of
the most accomplished

289
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:30,888
and insightful people
I'd ever heard.

290
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,848
Stan offered them a context

291
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,517
that they in turn
expanded and shared.

292
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,354
-Stan developed
these descriptions,

293
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,191
described exactly,
I mean, in detail,

294
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,360
some of the most
gruesome experiences

295
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,696
that I'd had that,
you know, where I was, like,

296
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:52,201
in a Medieval torture chamber
being beaten to death by guys

297
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,870
with enormous clubs
to a bloody pulp,

298
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:56,372
and, like, I thought,

299
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,874
"Well, how does this relate
to my Oedipus complex

300
00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:01,710
or anything else
for that matter?"

301
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,380
-For me personally
and many who spoke

302
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,048
and many who are in this room,

303
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:11,261
just going near Stan
changes your life.

304
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,555
-During the event,
Christina was honored

305
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,724
for her contributions as well.

306
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,060
She introduced Stan
to Muktananda,

307
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,854
contributed to the development
of Holotropic Breathwork,

308
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:24,900
and together, they created an
approach to spiritual emergence

309
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,568
when suppressed memories
and emotions

310
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,405
spontaneously rise
to the surface.

311
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:30,739
Their technique
helped people

312
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,411
avoid hospitalization
and misdiagnosis.

313
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,079
Christina also shared
her struggle

314
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,581
with kundalini awakening
and alcoholism,

315
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,583
which helped others
find resolution

316
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,085
with their challenges,

317
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:46,588
and I could more than relate
to her feelings of insecurity

318
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:51,427
around so many accomplished
academics and professionals.

319
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,928
The next day was the workshop

320
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:55,597
designed to support
the Grof Foundation.

321
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,933
I'll never forget
how frightened I felt.

322
00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:01,603
Here I was, an outsider,
among people who knew Stan

323
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,940
and had been studying
or working with him for years.

324
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,442
But I found my courage

325
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,445
and suggested that the best way
to share Stan's research

326
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,613
about the healing power
of non-ordinary states

327
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,992
of consciousness
was to make a movie about him.

328
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:20,789
♪♪

329
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,959
-This is my favorite sculpture
here.

330
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,919
Do you see that?

331
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,130
So it help you see, right,
the helicopter.

332
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,632
You have a flight,
and then you have a ship

333
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,802
and then wheels at the bottom.

334
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:39,641
So it's protection against
any kind of transportation

335
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,311
that can be involved.

336
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:45,022
-As I set up my equipment
for the first interview,

337
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:48,776
I couldn't help thinking,
"Who was I to interview Stan?

338
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:56,158
♪♪

339
00:17:56,241 --> 00:18:00,496
And yet I felt so open
and clear-headed in his presence

340
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,539
as though I had access
to information

341
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,125
that wasn't available
to me on my own.

342
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:12,007
♪♪

343
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,675
What took me by surprise

344
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,845
was Stan's incredible kindness
and generosity.

345
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:21,683
Almost immediately
we dove into his past.

346
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,019
Stan grew up in Czechoslovakia

347
00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:27,147
just before the outbreak
of World War II.

348
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,983
His early childhood
was relatively peaceful,

349
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,695
but the threat of a Nazi
occupation became a reality

350
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,658
when the German army
invaded in 1939.

351
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:46,208
Stan was 8 years old when
Nazi soldiers invaded Prague

352
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,877
and forced Czech citizens
to surrender.

353
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:54,049
For six years, Stan was exposed
to their sadistic cruelty,

354
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:58,053
including the brutal retaliation
after the assassination

355
00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:01,181
of SS Officer Reinhard Heydrich,

356
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:04,393
Hitler's third in command.

357
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,895
Known as the architect
of the Holocaust,

358
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,897
Heydrich had been sent to Prague

359
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:12,901
to wipe out
defiance of German rule.

360
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,737
On May 27, 1942,

361
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:19,533
Heydrich was attacked
by Czech resistance fighters

362
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:23,203
and died from his injuries
a few days later.

363
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:27,457
The Nazi retaliation lasted
more than three months.

364
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:31,044
The neighboring villages
of the Lidice and Lezaky

365
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,213
were destroyed.

366
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:36,383
Most of the adult population
was murdered,

367
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,761
while all but
a few children disappeared.

368
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,264
Stan was 12 years old
at the time

369
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,600
and remembers the continuous
executions

370
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,935
leading up to the death
of the resistance fighters

371
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,896
who had killed Heydrich.

372
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:52,482
It was a terrifying period
for the entire country.

373
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:57,446
Thankfully when the war
ended in 1945,

374
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:01,116
Czechoslovakia was restored
to its pre-war boundaries

375
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,785
and enjoyed
a peaceful existence.

376
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,789
But just three years later,

377
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,292
with the support
of the Soviet Union,

378
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,960
the communists took over.

379
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,923
Two Czech national heroes died
under suspicious circumstances,

380
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,927
and once again, a shadow spread
over Czechoslovakia.

381
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:25,307
♪♪

382
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:29,102
Stan was 17 when he was accused
of possessing a leaflet

383
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:32,314
encouraging people to challenge
the Communist Party.

384
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,483
-After school, it was 1:00,

385
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,194
and a bell was ringing.

386
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,154
And I opened the door,
and there were two men

387
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:42,658
in leather coats
and just broke in.

388
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:48,205
And they just completely
ransacked the apartment.

389
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:53,669
-Stan was arrested and held
in prison for four months.

390
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,504
In fact, his experiences

391
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,839
with non-ordinary states
of consciousness

392
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,841
happened during
a two-week period

393
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:03,053
of disrupted sleep
and interrogations.

394
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:06,848
-And basically we had to go
through our biography,

395
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:10,185
the whole life from childhood,

396
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,230
and then we were sent back
to the cell.

397
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:16,233
And we didn't know if they would
come back in another 20 minutes,

398
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:19,736
or if we'll be able to sleep
the rest of the night.

399
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,033
As I was talking about
the childhood,

400
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:30,080
I started actually seeing
the scenes from my childhood.

401
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:32,207
What was really interesting was,

402
00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:35,877
in spite of the very,
very difficult situation,

403
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,921
I started realizing

404
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:41,717
that there was something
about it that I enjoyed.

405
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,219
-It's something of a miracle
that he ever made it

406
00:21:44,302 --> 00:21:45,721
into medical school after that,

407
00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:48,098
but a two-month stint
on a student brigade

408
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:51,727
was the first in a series
of events that turned it around.

409
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,063
-Basically our task
was to remove the rock

410
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:59,359
from one side to another so that
there was a space for a highway,

411
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,070
and they really didn't have
any other way

412
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,741
of finding out how we worked
than by giving them

413
00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:09,745
the count of the wheelbarrows
that we sort of transferred,

414
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,748
so there was
a possibility of cheating.

415
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,584
-Fellow classmates who had
joined the Communist Party

416
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:18,253
despite their lack of commitment
to party beliefs

417
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:19,755
tried to protect Stan

418
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:22,424
by giving him an award
for his outstanding work

419
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,927
and exceptional relationship
with the working class.

420
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,096
Stan was later assigned
to a school filled with

421
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,600
students from laborer
and farm-worker families.

422
00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,311
As the school's director was
recovering from a heart attack

423
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:37,397
when Stan was admitted,
he failed to read Stan's file

424
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,442
and recommended him
for a Presidential Gold Medal

425
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,152
for a his exceptional studies,

426
00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:44,279
so when the medical school's
admissions staff

427
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:45,781
read Stan's file,

428
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,949
they saw that he'd been
acquitted for lack of evidence,

429
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:51,119
but that he'd also been honored
as an outstanding laborer

430
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:54,456
and awarded a gold medal
by President Gottwald.

431
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:58,627
And so Stan was admitted
to medical school.

432
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,296
-But when I was a student
working in psychiatry,

433
00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:03,757
that was in the psychedelic
clinic in Prague.

434
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:08,303
There was a lot of very drastic
therapeutic methods

435
00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:09,638
that were being used.

436
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,139
Then when I graduated,

437
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,810
I was working in
a psychiatry hospital,

438
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:18,980
and as a newcomer, as a sort
of freshly baked psychiatrist,

439
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:22,150
I had to get up early
and give the electroshocks

440
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:26,655
and the insulin comas up to,
like,

441
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:32,869
25 electroshocks
and 15 insulin comas.

442
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:35,831
-From the late 1920s
to the 1950s,

443
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:39,501
insulin comas were used
to treat schizophrenia.

444
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,672
After an insulin injection,
patients might perspire heavily.

445
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,550
Many salivated profusely,

446
00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:50,846
and eventually
they would contort in spasms.

447
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:54,015
Once a profound state
of unconsciousness was reached,

448
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,518
a nasogastric tube was inserted,

449
00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:00,355
bile was drawn to verify the
correct placement of the tube,

450
00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:03,859
and then a glucose solution
was administered.

451
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,402
Archival films depict patients

452
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:08,321
waking to feel
energetic and hungry.

453
00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:12,200
The procedure had a mortality
rate of 1 in a 100.

454
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:16,913
Stan induced
15 insulin comas a day.

455
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:20,167
Electroshock therapy began
in the late 1930s

456
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,503
from the belief that
artificially induced convulsions

457
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,213
could cure mental illness.

458
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,716
Electrodes were placed
on a patient's temples

459
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:30,177
while an electric current
passed through them.

460
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:32,721
The resulting convulsions
were strong enough

461
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:33,930
to cause broken bones

462
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:36,099
if the patients
weren't restrained.

463
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:39,060
Curare, derived from
South American plants,

464
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,730
was later used to
paralyze motor nerves

465
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:43,231
and lessen the convulsions.

466
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:48,361
Stan administered 25
electroshock convulsions daily.

467
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:52,240
Even psychoanalysis proved
disappointing for Stan.

468
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:55,952
-I mean, I was in
psychoanalysis for seven years,

469
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,746
and when in the fourth year

470
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,414
I started bringing in my dreams

471
00:24:59,497 --> 00:25:02,417
images that were
connected to the --

472
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,419
you know, this was
considered to be,

473
00:25:04,502 --> 00:25:08,548
you know, relatively
successful psychoanalysis.

474
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:11,426
-Fortunately for Stan,
Sandoz Laboratories

475
00:25:11,509 --> 00:25:13,428
needed help
exploring applications

476
00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:16,431
for a new drug synthesized
by Albert Hofmann,

477
00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:20,602
lysergic acid diethylamide,
or LSD.

478
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,437
The Swiss scientist
was revisiting

479
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,773
his synthesis
of the ergot fungus

480
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:27,484
when he accidentally
intoxicated himself.

481
00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:30,320
A drop of the clear solution
touched his finger

482
00:25:30,403 --> 00:25:33,448
and was absorbed into his system
when he wiped his eye.

483
00:25:33,531 --> 00:25:36,076
Intrigued by
the unusual sensations,

484
00:25:36,159 --> 00:25:39,621
Hofmann decided to try
a tiny dose a few days later.

485
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:42,749
What followed was
an endless bike ride home

486
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:44,125
and a call for a doctor

487
00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:46,336
when Hofmann thought
he might be dying.

488
00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:47,921
Once the crisis passed,

489
00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:50,423
Hofmann realized
that his discovery

490
00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:54,678
was in incredibly powerful
psychotropic substance.

491
00:25:54,761 --> 00:26:01,643
-And 1954, we got a sample
of ampules of LSD.

492
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:04,479
They got an idea that it might
be something interesting

493
00:26:04,562 --> 00:26:08,024
for psychiatrists,
psychologists,

494
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:10,986
and would we want
to work with it?

495
00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:14,322
So my preceptor did not have
the time to spend

496
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:18,493
six to eight hours
with people on LSD,

497
00:26:18,576 --> 00:26:21,830
and so he used
several of us as gophers.

498
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,790
We were sitting there
and, you know,

499
00:26:23,873 --> 00:26:28,837
taking care of the experimental
subjects and keeping records.

500
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,007
But in that early stage,
students were excluded,

501
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:34,676
so I had two years
when I was listening

502
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,177
to these incredible stories

503
00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:38,388
and not being able
to have the experience.

504
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:41,516
So just about the first thing
I did when I graduated,

505
00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:45,353
you know, was to have
this experience myself.

506
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:47,689
My teacher was specifically
interested

507
00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,357
in training the brainwaves,

508
00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:52,861
which means exposing people
to powerful stroboscopic light

509
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:55,196
of various frequencies
and finding out

510
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,991
if you can influence
the brainwaves

511
00:26:58,074 --> 00:26:59,701
in the sub-occipital area.

512
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:02,871
So all of those of us who wanted
to have a session,

513
00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:05,206
we had to agree that we also

514
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:08,209
would be going through
this experiment.

515
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:11,046
When my own experience
was culminating,

516
00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:15,175
a research assistant took me
to a very little room,

517
00:27:15,258 --> 00:27:18,386
and then she brought
this gigantic strobe.

518
00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:20,388
And in the next moment
there was light like

519
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:23,558
I had never seen in my life.

520
00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:27,896
My consciousness was catapulted
out of my body.

521
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:30,398
I lost the research assistant.

522
00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:31,691
I lost the clinic.

523
00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:34,861
I lost Prague.
I lost the planet.

524
00:27:34,944 --> 00:27:38,740
And then I had the feeling that
I was completely extinguished.

525
00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:43,745
I ceased to exist in the form
in which I knew myself,

526
00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:45,413
and instead I had the feeling

527
00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:48,958
that I somehow became
all of existence.

528
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,585
I became nothing,

529
00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:54,255
but by becoming nothing
I became everything.

530
00:27:57,884 --> 00:28:00,595
I was in the astronomical
universe.

531
00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:03,598
I was the universe.

532
00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:05,433
And there were things
happening for which

533
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:07,727
at the time
I didn't even have a name,

534
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:09,604
but later I read
about the Big Bang

535
00:28:09,687 --> 00:28:13,400
and the black holes
and white holes and wormholes,

536
00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:17,112
just an amazing
cosmic spectacle.

537
00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:21,116
And then she turned it off.

538
00:28:21,199 --> 00:28:23,660
My consciousness
started shrinking again.

539
00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:25,745
I became myself.

540
00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:29,124
But there was a problem because
I ended up finding the planet,

541
00:28:29,207 --> 00:28:30,959
finding the clinic,
finding my body,

542
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:34,295
but my consciousness was kind
of floating around the body,

543
00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:38,967
and I couldn't find ways
of aligning those two.

544
00:28:39,050 --> 00:28:41,094
At that point it was
absolutely clear to me

545
00:28:41,177 --> 00:28:42,971
that what they taught me
at the university,

546
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:45,849
that consciousness
is somehow created

547
00:28:45,932 --> 00:28:49,144
by the activity
of the neurons in the brain,

548
00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:51,146
suddenly it seemed
totally absurd.

549
00:28:51,229 --> 00:28:52,480
It was clear to me

550
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:55,817
that consciousness
is a cosmic phenomenon.

551
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:59,821
Could matter, bouncing off atoms
or subatomic particles

552
00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:04,159
create all that we see,
including the beauty of nature,

553
00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:06,327
the beauty of the universe,

554
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,705
the intelligence
that you see in animals,

555
00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:10,457
that you see in people,

556
00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:15,628
is it really something that can
create science and philosophy?

557
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,505
Then you see it's absurd.

558
00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,883
There is a beauty
and there is an intelligence

559
00:29:19,966 --> 00:29:22,051
which cannot come out of matter.

560
00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:27,182
♪♪

561
00:29:27,265 --> 00:29:29,684
So then I came down
from this session

562
00:29:29,767 --> 00:29:32,020
with the fact that I was
now stuck with psychiatry.

563
00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,856
This is by far the most
interesting thing I could do,

564
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:38,026
studying these
non-ordinary states.

565
00:29:40,778 --> 00:29:43,364
-At a complex of research
institutes near Prague,

566
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:46,826
Stan was involved in
laboratory testing of LSD

567
00:29:46,910 --> 00:29:50,747
and other substances such
as psilocybin and mescaline.

568
00:29:50,830 --> 00:29:52,207
40 test subjects,

569
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:55,376
a mix of healthy individuals
and psychiatric patients

570
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:57,545
would undergo
hourly blood draws,

571
00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:00,548
urine samples, and psychological
and neurological

572
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:04,886
testing during their sessions
all in the hope of identifying

573
00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:09,015
the chemical source
of mental illness.

574
00:30:09,098 --> 00:30:12,894
-Well, the initial excitement
was that LSD can produce

575
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,563
what we called
experimental psychosis.

576
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:18,024
We can give it to
"normal people."

577
00:30:18,107 --> 00:30:21,069
We can do all kinds of tests
before, during and after,

578
00:30:21,152 --> 00:30:24,364
and we get an idea
what's happening biochemically

579
00:30:24,447 --> 00:30:27,450
when the psyche is
so profoundly influenced.

580
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:30,870
And this was fascinating
because we are talking about

581
00:30:30,954 --> 00:30:34,582
in microscopic amounts,

582
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,584
you know, hundred millions
of a gram

583
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:39,587
can change profoundly
human consciousness

584
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:42,423
for six to eight hours.

585
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,592
If this is the case,
mental diseases,

586
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:47,428
it would be aberrations
of chemistry.

587
00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:50,765
Now, if we could identify
this chemical culprit,

588
00:30:50,848 --> 00:30:54,769
we could also find some kind
of neutralizing agent,

589
00:30:54,852 --> 00:30:55,979
and this would have been, like,

590
00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:59,107
test-tube solution
of schizophrenia

591
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:00,984
and other psychosis.

592
00:31:01,067 --> 00:31:06,281
This would be like
Holy Grail of psychiatry.

593
00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:09,075
-But during the testing,
it became clear

594
00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:10,743
that it was impossible
to predict

595
00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:13,454
the kind of experience
subjects would have

596
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:16,332
regardless of
what psychedelic they took.

597
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:18,626
In fact, the same subject

598
00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:21,170
could have dramatically
different experiences

599
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:25,800
while taking the same substance
on different occasions.

600
00:31:25,883 --> 00:31:28,803
-So this is not
the way pharmacology works.

601
00:31:28,886 --> 00:31:30,930
You have pretty good idea

602
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:34,142
what response you would get
with antibiotics

603
00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,519
or whatever substance
we are talking about.

604
00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,146
They are dealing with a catalyst

605
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:41,316
and that the content is not
produced by the substance,

606
00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:44,652
but it's released from
the deep unconscious realms

607
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:47,614
that current psychiatry and
psychology doesn't know about

608
00:31:47,697 --> 00:31:50,658
because when it comes,
they think it's pathological.

609
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,035
They don't see it as something

610
00:31:52,118 --> 00:31:56,122
that's germane
to the human psyche,

611
00:31:56,205 --> 00:31:59,667
and then I started seeing it
as a telescope or a microscope.

612
00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:02,003
With telescope,
we can see galaxies

613
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,172
that we cannot normally study.

614
00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:08,676
With microscope, you discover
micro world that is here,

615
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:13,681
but you are not aware of it
unless we have the proper tool.

616
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,683
So then I took it
from the laboratory

617
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:17,518
to a clinical practice

618
00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:19,312
and started seeing it
as something

619
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:23,483
that is going to deepen
and intensify psychotherapy.

620
00:32:23,566 --> 00:32:26,027
-During this period,
Stan won a competition

621
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:29,030
with a paper he wrote
about his realization.

622
00:32:29,113 --> 00:32:31,324
The prize earned him
the directorship

623
00:32:31,407 --> 00:32:32,700
of the psychedelic program

624
00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,536
at a newly built
research center.

625
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:37,538
Just as in
the laboratory testing,

626
00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:39,374
subjects in the clinical tests

627
00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:41,709
had a broad range
of experiences,

628
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,587
including blissful
and ecstatic ones

629
00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,256
and even emotionally
challenging experiences

630
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:50,218
were soothed as a session
ended and memories

631
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,387
that had surfaced were resolved.

632
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:55,056
Stan even noted that
the clinical sessions

633
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:58,101
seemed very similar
to classic psychotherapy,

634
00:32:58,184 --> 00:33:01,396
but over time, patterns emerged.

635
00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:04,732
-The contents of the unconscious
were not stored

636
00:33:04,816 --> 00:33:07,610
in a form of kind of
disconnected mosaic,

637
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:11,114
but they were forming certain
dynamic constellations.

638
00:33:11,197 --> 00:33:15,076
Certain issues were appearing
on different levels

639
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:17,954
at different times
of their biography,

640
00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:21,582
and they were creating
these dynamics packets

641
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:24,585
that were connected
to the same type of emotions

642
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:26,587
or a physical feeling.

643
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,424
Let's say they would have
a choking constellation.

644
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:32,260
They would be near drowning
when they were 7,

645
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:34,262
then being choked
by an older brother

646
00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:37,765
repeatedly when they were 4,
then whooping cough,

647
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:41,644
but then the deeper level
was the choking at birth.

648
00:33:41,728 --> 00:33:47,942
So I started talking about these
constellations as COEX systems.

649
00:33:48,025 --> 00:33:51,112
-In addition to the
understanding of COEX systems,

650
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:54,282
Stan observed how
the experiences of his clients

651
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,785
evolved dramatically
during a series of sessions.

652
00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:00,788
-Only the early sessions
seemed to have the nature

653
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:04,417
of the experiences
that I knew from psychoanalysis,

654
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:05,793
but then sooner or later,

655
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:08,463
even if we are using sort of
just medium dosages,

656
00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:11,758
people started talking about
being in a place where they felt

657
00:34:11,841 --> 00:34:14,302
their life was threatened,
that they're going crazy,

658
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:16,637
they will never
get out of that state.

659
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:20,183
They started having experiences
of choking or nausea,

660
00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:24,312
and then one after another,
they told me that they believed

661
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:27,982
that what they are experiencing
must be reliving of birth.

662
00:34:28,065 --> 00:34:31,110
At a certain point,
I decided to test this,

663
00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:37,617
and I took 300 micrograms
on my own at home.

664
00:34:37,700 --> 00:34:41,496
Within an hour, I was
in a very, very difficult place.

665
00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:43,706
On the wall, I had paintings
which I painted,

666
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:47,835
and there was one which was like
a stylized dog with a soldier.

667
00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:50,671
They started fighting,
and then I had the feeling

668
00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:53,341
that everything
was kind of closing in,

669
00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:55,676
and very quickly,
I was in something

670
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,514
that I now called
the second perinatal matrix.

671
00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:04,185
It was, like, a space where
it seemed absolutely hopeless,

672
00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:08,022
very, very uncomfortable
emotionally,

673
00:35:08,105 --> 00:35:11,192
and then I started
a pressure on my head.

674
00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:14,904
I realized that I was somehow
stuck in the birth canal,

675
00:35:14,987 --> 00:35:18,199
and all my life appeared
to be absolutely meaningless.

676
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:22,036
I started seeing the deep truths
in existential philosophy --

677
00:35:22,119 --> 00:35:23,704
you know, life is absurd.

678
00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:25,540
We go from nowhere to nowhere.

679
00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:28,376
We start life as infants
in pain,

680
00:35:28,459 --> 00:35:30,711
and this is how
we are going to end,

681
00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:33,589
but even if I knew
that this was birth,

682
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:37,385
then somehow the thought came
that this state would not end

683
00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:40,555
unless I find meaning in life.

684
00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:42,557
And then I said,
"Well, it's knowledge,"

685
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,851
and I saw myself
going to libraries,

686
00:35:44,934 --> 00:35:47,019
devouring one book
after another,

687
00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:49,230
and then it took me
to the end of my life

688
00:35:49,313 --> 00:35:51,566
when I couldn't remember
what I had for dinner,

689
00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:54,902
let alone what I read
in all those books.

690
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,737
And then I said,
"Well, having children

691
00:35:56,821 --> 00:35:59,699
gives meaning to your life,"
and then it was like,

692
00:35:59,782 --> 00:36:01,742
"Well, you don't give
meaning to your life

693
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:05,746
by creating creatures whose life
is as meaningless as yours."

694
00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:07,248
And then after some time,

695
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,750
it just sort of very,
very rapidly opened up,

696
00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:13,087
and suddenly I was
in a very ecstatic state,

697
00:36:13,170 --> 00:36:17,425
and I realized you cannot find
meaning in life using reason.

698
00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:19,635
This was a very important
first experience

699
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:25,808
that suddenly showed me whole
new potentials of psychedelics.

700
00:36:27,518 --> 00:36:30,771
-Through his own experiences
and those of his patients,

701
00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,565
Stan learned that lower doses

702
00:36:32,648 --> 00:36:34,442
brought up
biographical information

703
00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:37,486
while higher ones
brought patients much farther.

704
00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:41,115
He also noted that something
fascinating was happening.

705
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:43,451
-When I was hitting
some difficult places,

706
00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:46,120
I had a parade of my patients,

707
00:36:46,203 --> 00:36:47,788
and I suddenly understood
where they were,

708
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:51,959
including the meaninglessness
and even suicidal impulses.

709
00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:53,794
Equipped with
current psychiatry,

710
00:36:53,878 --> 00:36:55,296
I just had no clue.

711
00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:57,840
The only way was
experiential learning.

712
00:36:57,924 --> 00:37:00,134
You cannot learn that from books

713
00:37:00,217 --> 00:37:04,263
what these patients
are going through.

714
00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:06,807
-Without the distraction
of constant testing

715
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,684
and with higher doses of LSD,

716
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:11,520
Stan's clients were
encouraged to go inward.

717
00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:14,273
To Stan's surprise,
they kept journeying back

718
00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:17,151
to the perinatal realm.

719
00:37:17,234 --> 00:37:20,488
-It's not easy
to really question.

720
00:37:20,571 --> 00:37:23,491
It was some of the really
fundamental assumptions,

721
00:37:23,574 --> 00:37:25,826
and I had very
personal experience

722
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,328
that made it even worse.

723
00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:29,497
I went as a second-year student

724
00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:32,375
to a lecture of
Professor Vilem Laufberger,

725
00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:36,128
and I asked, "How far back
does our memory go?

726
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:39,173
Can we, for example,
relive our births?"

727
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:43,386
And he looked at me like I was
a total asshole and said,

728
00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:47,640
"Of course not. I mean,
the cortex is not myelinized."

729
00:37:47,723 --> 00:37:51,978
And then everybody was laughing,
so I was pretty ashamed.

730
00:37:52,061 --> 00:37:54,522
So I had that kind of
additional memory,

731
00:37:54,605 --> 00:37:58,192
like, this was really
stupid to think

732
00:37:58,275 --> 00:37:59,527
that you could relive your birth

733
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:02,029
even if it seems
very convincing.

734
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:04,407
But then of course,
if I saw it again and again,

735
00:38:04,490 --> 00:38:07,493
and I had a few more
experiences myself,

736
00:38:07,576 --> 00:38:12,707
I realize that this edifice
of psychiatry,

737
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:14,375
you know,
that looks so respectable,

738
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:19,547
it's like a Colossus
on clay feet.

739
00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:22,883
-Stan described the scientific
establishment's reluctance

740
00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:24,844
to accept perinatal memories.

741
00:38:24,927 --> 00:38:26,887
I remembered
my 30 hours of labor

742
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:29,223
giving birth
to my daughter Charlotte.

743
00:38:29,306 --> 00:38:32,393
I eventually needed help
pushing her out.

744
00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:34,562
Maybe that's why she wouldn't
go through those tunnels

745
00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:35,730
at the play group.

746
00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:40,735
-It's okay, honey.
Go in the tube.

747
00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:44,739
-I was so concerned that
I took her to see an osteopath.

748
00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:47,199
The doctor swore that
she wasn't applying

749
00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:49,493
any pressure
to Charlotte's head.

750
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:57,335
Afterwards, Charlotte had no
problem going to the tunnels.

751
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,921
When Charlotte was
20 months old,

752
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,590
we were attacked by two gunmen.

753
00:39:02,673 --> 00:39:05,259
We were living in the suburbs
outside of Paris,

754
00:39:05,342 --> 00:39:09,096
and I was four months pregnant
with my son, Oscar.

755
00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:11,974
The first shot missed my head
by about 12 inches,

756
00:39:12,058 --> 00:39:15,561
and the remaining three
shattered our bedroom windows.

757
00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:18,606
We escaped unharmed,
but for a month or so,

758
00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:21,776
I'd wake up at night,
reliving the experience

759
00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:25,821
and imagining
where I would hide.

760
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,116
Later, when Oscar was old enough
to play hide and seek,

761
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,952
no one could find him.

762
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,662
-Oscar?

763
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,585
Oscar?

764
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:52,264
-It was clear to me now
that my children's behavior...

765
00:39:52,348 --> 00:39:53,808
-Oscar?
-...had been influenced

766
00:39:53,891 --> 00:39:56,644
either by what had happened
while they were in the womb

767
00:39:56,727 --> 00:39:59,647
or during their actual birth.

768
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:04,819
-[ Babbles ] Hide.

769
00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:08,155
I'm trying to hide.

770
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:09,824
I'm trying to hide.

771
00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:11,492
-How could scientists so easily

772
00:40:11,575 --> 00:40:14,662
dismiss the reality
of perinatal memories?

773
00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:17,998
-I'm trying to hide.

774
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,834
-The usual view about the mind

775
00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:22,336
is that the mind
is confined to the head.

776
00:40:22,419 --> 00:40:26,674
It's nothing but the activity
of the brain.

777
00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:29,844
For the materialists
who represent the majority

778
00:40:29,927 --> 00:40:34,014
of position within academic life
and in science,

779
00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:36,016
minds are what brains do,

780
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,477
and memories are stored material
inside the brain.

781
00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,521
It's all inside the brain.

782
00:40:40,604 --> 00:40:44,358
I think that's an incredibly
truncated and narrow view.

783
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:45,860
First of all,

784
00:40:45,943 --> 00:40:48,362
I think we access our memories
by morphic resonance.

785
00:40:48,445 --> 00:40:50,197
They're not inside the brain.

786
00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:53,868
And secondly, I think that
our consciousness, our minds,

787
00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:55,870
are not confined
to the inside of our heads

788
00:40:55,953 --> 00:40:58,706
but stretch out beyond
and through fields.

789
00:40:58,789 --> 00:41:00,875
We're all used to the idea
of magnetic fields

790
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:03,711
being inside magnets
and stretching beyond them

791
00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:06,005
or the gravitational fields
of the Earth

792
00:41:06,088 --> 00:41:08,716
being inside the Earth
and stretching out into space

793
00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:11,677
invisibly or the fields
of cellphones

794
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,345
being inside the cellphone

795
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,723
and stretching invisibly
around it,

796
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,057
which is why they work.

797
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:20,060
All matter now has fields
associated with it,

798
00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:21,228
and of course the brain does.

799
00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:22,730
It has electromagnetic fields

800
00:41:22,813 --> 00:41:25,191
you can measure with
an electroencephalograph.

801
00:41:25,274 --> 00:41:27,568
But I think that the fields
of the mind

802
00:41:27,651 --> 00:41:29,111
are much more extensive,

803
00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:31,572
and these extended fields
of the mind

804
00:41:31,655 --> 00:41:33,240
are a kind of morphic field,

805
00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:36,368
so it's really a field theory
of the mind.

806
00:41:38,495 --> 00:41:41,081
-Now that I realized that
we could hold memories

807
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,458
from our time in the womb,

808
00:41:42,541 --> 00:41:44,585
I couldn't stop thinking
about the influence

809
00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:47,963
these unconscious memories
might have on our lives.

810
00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:49,757
One of Stan's clients showed

811
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,927
just how powerful
these memories are.

812
00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:54,970
-You know, the patient
whom I call Peter

813
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:58,933
came with kind of a combination
of obsession

814
00:41:59,016 --> 00:42:02,978
and masochistic impulses
and tremendous need

815
00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:05,606
and wish to be locked
in a cellar

816
00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:12,446
and be exposed to some emotional
and physical pains, tortures.

817
00:42:12,529 --> 00:42:14,615
-Peter would search
for these men in parks,

818
00:42:14,698 --> 00:42:17,785
train stations,
and other public places,

819
00:42:17,868 --> 00:42:22,790
and on one occasion, he was
struck on the head and robbed.

820
00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:25,960
The last episode occurred
when Peter was on a train

821
00:42:26,043 --> 00:42:28,837
with a man who claimed
to have the perfect cellar

822
00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:31,131
to satisfy his obsession.

823
00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:33,008
When the man got up
to use the toilet,

824
00:42:33,092 --> 00:42:37,805
Peter gave into his gnawing
doubt and opened the man's bag.

825
00:42:37,888 --> 00:42:39,848
Horrified by what he found,

826
00:42:39,932 --> 00:42:41,976
Peter jumped
from the moving train

827
00:42:42,059 --> 00:42:44,478
and ended up in the hospital.

828
00:42:44,561 --> 00:42:46,981
When psychiatric treatment
failed to help him,

829
00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:48,482
he was sent to Stan,

830
00:42:48,565 --> 00:42:52,820
where he underwent a series
of high-dose LSD sessions.

831
00:42:52,903 --> 00:42:55,990
-A very, very interesting
COEX system emerged

832
00:42:56,073 --> 00:42:57,658
in a series of sessions.

833
00:42:57,741 --> 00:43:01,120
The most superficial layers
were actually the traumas

834
00:43:01,203 --> 00:43:03,664
that he, himself, created.

835
00:43:03,747 --> 00:43:05,165
Then as we continued,

836
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,835
another layer of
the COEX system emerged,

837
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:11,547
which was from
the Second World War

838
00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:14,675
when he was taken
to Nazi Germany,

839
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:16,051
and he was in a situation

840
00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:18,846
where there was
a great danger of bombardment.

841
00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:21,682
Two of the SS Officers
were using him

842
00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:26,979
for their homosexual practices,
initially under gunpoint.

843
00:43:27,062 --> 00:43:30,024
And then it went to his
childhood, when his father,

844
00:43:30,107 --> 00:43:32,693
who was alcoholic,
was very, very brutal

845
00:43:32,776 --> 00:43:35,195
and used to beat him
with a leather strap,

846
00:43:35,279 --> 00:43:38,699
and his mother,
who actually always wore black,

847
00:43:38,782 --> 00:43:42,536
punished him repeatedly
by locking him in a dark cellar

848
00:43:42,619 --> 00:43:46,373
and leaving him without food.

849
00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:50,252
So on that level, it seemed like
it was a combined punishment

850
00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:54,048
from the two parents
that he was seeking.

851
00:43:54,131 --> 00:43:55,758
Finally, it ended up
in a situation

852
00:43:55,841 --> 00:43:58,344
where he was stuck
in the birth canal

853
00:43:58,427 --> 00:44:01,096
and realized that was
the template of the situation

854
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:03,891
that he was searching for,

855
00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:06,393
but when he actually
experienced that,

856
00:44:06,477 --> 00:44:09,396
he got more
than he bargained for.

857
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,565
-Because Stan had previously
experienced

858
00:44:11,648 --> 00:44:14,902
the kind of death-rebirth
process Peter underwent,

859
00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:17,571
he was not fearful
for Peter's safety

860
00:44:17,654 --> 00:44:20,741
and could allow
the full process to unfold.

861
00:44:20,824 --> 00:44:24,244
After that session,
Peter was finally liberated

862
00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:26,455
from his self-destructive
impulses

863
00:44:26,538 --> 00:44:29,291
and able to live
a productive life.

864
00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:33,253
Around the time Stan
was working with Peter,

865
00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:37,758
he traveled to Amsterdam for a
conference on LSD psychotherapy.

866
00:44:37,841 --> 00:44:39,927
-Pauline McCririck
and Joyce Martin

867
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:44,098
were two psychoanalysts
who were actually using LSD

868
00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:46,600
and doing
what they called fusion therapy.

869
00:44:46,683 --> 00:44:50,145
Clients who were deprived
in their childhood of being held

870
00:44:50,229 --> 00:44:53,107
would lie
with full-body contact,

871
00:44:53,190 --> 00:44:56,485
and they had
amazing results with this.

872
00:44:56,568 --> 00:44:57,778
We were both in Amsterdam,

873
00:44:57,861 --> 00:45:01,615
and so we decided
to have a session.

874
00:45:01,698 --> 00:45:04,243
As part of my last
perinatal session,

875
00:45:04,326 --> 00:45:06,453
I really got
into this atmosphere

876
00:45:06,537 --> 00:45:07,955
of bloody revolutions,

877
00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:12,000
and in the middle of it,
I really identified with Lenin.

878
00:45:12,084 --> 00:45:14,670
I shared his passion
against oppression,

879
00:45:14,753 --> 00:45:16,922
and I realized
that part of it was desire,

880
00:45:17,005 --> 00:45:20,426
but a good part of it was the
compression of the birth canal,

881
00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:22,636
so this kind of atmosphere
of revolutions

882
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:27,099
and struggling for birth
come out completely fused,

883
00:45:27,182 --> 00:45:28,976
and I realized that there's
a relationship

884
00:45:29,059 --> 00:45:32,646
between historical events
like wars and revolutions

885
00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:36,650
and what we carry
in the perinatal level,

886
00:45:36,733 --> 00:45:39,987
possibly even something
that is a source

887
00:45:40,070 --> 00:45:42,656
of that kind of violence.

888
00:45:42,739 --> 00:45:45,367
But then the session ended,
and I went through

889
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:48,787
the whole range
of relationships with women,

890
00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:51,790
the destructive feminine
that comes in birth,

891
00:45:51,874 --> 00:45:55,169
the adventure, the exciting,
like a sexual partner,

892
00:45:55,252 --> 00:45:59,339
and then I had the feeling
of being an infant on her body.

893
00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:02,509
The transition from the third
matrix into the fourth

894
00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:05,345
was like emerging
sort of in fire.

895
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:08,182
There was, like, a goddess
with dark complexion

896
00:46:08,265 --> 00:46:10,851
and a peacock paradise
or heaven,

897
00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:13,187
so it was a very,
very blissful experience.

898
00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:16,565
She became, like,
a great mother for me.

899
00:46:16,648 --> 00:46:18,984
-Stan's session with Pauline
in Amsterdam

900
00:46:19,067 --> 00:46:22,196
revealed the archetypal nature
of the birth experience,

901
00:46:22,279 --> 00:46:23,530
during which the fetus

902
00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:25,741
is exposed
to a collective dimension

903
00:46:25,824 --> 00:46:28,869
filled with powerful imagery
and emotion,

904
00:46:28,952 --> 00:46:30,871
but a newborn lacks the capacity

905
00:46:30,954 --> 00:46:32,873
to make sense
of what is witnessed,

906
00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:36,084
and so these impressions
remain in the unconscious,

907
00:46:36,168 --> 00:46:40,297
influencing us in ways
that we don't realize.

908
00:46:42,299 --> 00:46:44,718
-One of the great contributions
of Stan's work

909
00:46:44,801 --> 00:46:48,055
is that he uncovered
the deep structure,

910
00:46:48,138 --> 00:46:50,724
the archetypal pattern,
you might say,

911
00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:55,729
of the life process
as it is incarnated

912
00:46:55,812 --> 00:47:00,400
and reincarnated
in us as individuals.

913
00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:02,736
-When Stan discovered
the work of Lloyd Dumas

914
00:47:02,819 --> 00:47:04,530
and the field of psychohistory,

915
00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:07,074
he noted the parallels
between the imagery

916
00:47:07,157 --> 00:47:10,410
used to goad people
to war and experiences

917
00:47:10,494 --> 00:47:14,081
that he and his patients
had during their sessions.

918
00:47:14,164 --> 00:47:17,251
It became clear to Stan
that these unconscious memories

919
00:47:17,334 --> 00:47:19,920
of helplessness
from the second matrix and anger

920
00:47:20,003 --> 00:47:24,883
from the third were driving
factors in the need for power.

921
00:47:24,967 --> 00:47:27,970
This need for control
was clearly evident in the book,

922
00:47:28,053 --> 00:47:30,222
"A Sexual Profile of Men
in Power,"

923
00:47:30,305 --> 00:47:33,600
which detailed a 7-year study
of call girls and madams

924
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,269
whose primary clients

925
00:47:35,352 --> 00:47:39,439
were politicians
and government officials.

926
00:47:39,523 --> 00:47:41,942
The study find that over
50% of those men

927
00:47:42,025 --> 00:47:45,279
regularly hired prostitutes,
and more than half of them

928
00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:48,073
demanded kinky
or sadomasochistic sex

929
00:47:48,156 --> 00:47:50,617
as a means of coping
with the powerlessness

930
00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:54,121
that they experienced
in government.

931
00:47:54,204 --> 00:47:55,956
-Nine months in the total
dependence

932
00:47:56,039 --> 00:47:57,499
of the maternal organism.

933
00:47:57,583 --> 00:48:00,919
Then there is this incredible
roller coaster of birth

934
00:48:01,003 --> 00:48:02,337
that we are taken through

935
00:48:02,421 --> 00:48:05,632
and then emerging with total
dependence on the mother.

936
00:48:05,716 --> 00:48:09,928
It leaves a very deep fear of
the feminine in the male psyche,

937
00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:13,307
and frequently clumsy effort
to compensate for it --

938
00:48:13,390 --> 00:48:15,017
not giving women
the same rights,

939
00:48:15,100 --> 00:48:18,645
not to treat them
as equal citizens, and so on.

940
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,022
Women go through that also,

941
00:48:20,105 --> 00:48:22,149
but because of their
physiological function,

942
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:26,153
because of their anatomy,
they are able to participate

943
00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:28,822
directly in
the process of creation.

944
00:48:28,905 --> 00:48:32,159
The male participation
is very marginal.

945
00:48:32,242 --> 00:48:37,164
It can take, you know, a few
minutes, and then it's over.

946
00:48:37,247 --> 00:48:41,043
The way to resolve traumatic
unconscious memory would be

947
00:48:41,126 --> 00:48:45,839
if that material fully
emerges into consciousness,

948
00:48:45,922 --> 00:48:47,507
which will be therapeutic.

949
00:48:47,591 --> 00:48:49,176
What can happen
in everyday lives,

950
00:48:49,259 --> 00:48:50,844
it comes close to the surface,

951
00:48:50,927 --> 00:48:54,681
but the person does not realize
what it is exactly,

952
00:48:54,765 --> 00:48:58,352
but they feel the need
to create a situation

953
00:48:58,435 --> 00:49:00,520
that would involve
those elements.

954
00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:02,856
So for example, the transition
from the third

955
00:49:02,939 --> 00:49:07,694
to the fourth matrix frequently
is experienced as fire.

956
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:10,656
I've worked with some people
who were arsonists,

957
00:49:10,739 --> 00:49:13,533
and they had this impulse.

958
00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:15,702
They felt that something
fantastic would happen

959
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:19,039
if they could experience
a big fire.

960
00:49:19,122 --> 00:49:20,707
When that happens,
they watched it

961
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:24,544
and feel excitement for a while,
but it is a real let down.

962
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,547
They expected something
much more phenomenal,

963
00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:29,383
but the drive can be
strong enough

964
00:49:29,466 --> 00:49:33,220
to drive them to do it again
and again.

965
00:49:33,303 --> 00:49:36,515
In a very similar way,
the third matrix involves

966
00:49:36,598 --> 00:49:39,184
a lot of sadomasochistic
kind of experiences,

967
00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:42,729
where you feel sexual arousal,
and you feel confined,

968
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:45,440
and you feel sort of choked
and so on.

969
00:49:45,524 --> 00:49:48,735
It's a kind of unrecognized
healing impulse,

970
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:50,070
but for it to be therapeutic,

971
00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:51,738
it would have to involve
introspection,

972
00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:54,241
understanding what you are
dealing with

973
00:49:54,324 --> 00:49:59,246
and really be fully consciously
in touch with that material.

974
00:49:59,329 --> 00:50:01,623
-Nothing the conscious mind
can think up

975
00:50:01,707 --> 00:50:04,084
will ever satisfy
the unconscious.

976
00:50:04,167 --> 00:50:07,879
It has to originate from
the unconscious to be cleared.

977
00:50:07,963 --> 00:50:10,882
♪♪

978
00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:13,719
After hearing so many
of Stan's stories,

979
00:50:13,802 --> 00:50:15,095
it was time for me
to find out

980
00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:18,098
what shadows were lurking
in my unconscious.

981
00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:20,600
Would they be as dark
as what Stan had seen?

982
00:50:20,684 --> 00:50:25,439
And if so, would I have
the courage to confront them?

983
00:50:25,522 --> 00:50:28,775
Rule number one,
never do this alone.

984
00:50:28,859 --> 00:50:31,069
The sitter is there
to keep you safe,

985
00:50:31,153 --> 00:50:34,906
ground you, and, more
importantly, to hold the space

986
00:50:34,990 --> 00:50:38,869
so that you can completely
open to whatever comes.

987
00:50:41,705 --> 00:50:43,290
As the LSD took effect,

988
00:50:43,373 --> 00:50:46,460
there was a flood
of geometric imagery.

989
00:50:46,543 --> 00:50:48,795
Some people call it
retinal discharge,

990
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:50,964
but now I think
I was seeing fractals

991
00:50:51,047 --> 00:50:52,799
or even the dimension
that holds

992
00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:55,135
the blueprints
of the physical world.

993
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:59,139
♪♪

994
00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:01,475
Soon, it transitioned
into Christina,

995
00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:05,479
and then, as though I was
seeing through Christina's eyes,

996
00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:07,147
it was Stan.

997
00:51:07,230 --> 00:51:08,482
There was a sadness

998
00:51:08,565 --> 00:51:11,443
as she realized
that she was leaving him,

999
00:51:11,526 --> 00:51:14,321
but then Stan transitioned
into my father,

1000
00:51:14,404 --> 00:51:16,782
and Christina
dissolved into me.

1001
00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:23,955
♪♪

1002
00:51:24,039 --> 00:51:30,837
♪♪

1003
00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:35,634
The pain was so intense that
I knew it couldn't just be mine.

1004
00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:40,722
I actually felt as though
I was choking.

1005
00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:45,685
In that moment,
I understood that

1006
00:51:45,769 --> 00:51:47,354
although
I might have been triggered

1007
00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:49,689
by the pending death
of my father,

1008
00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:53,193
I was also tapping into
the collective sadness,

1009
00:51:53,276 --> 00:51:55,362
and what a depth of it
there was --

1010
00:51:55,445 --> 00:52:00,242
addiction, drugs, alcohol,
sex, compulsive behavior,

1011
00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:04,204
anything to dissolve back
into the formless ocean of love

1012
00:52:04,287 --> 00:52:07,833
and avoid this unbearable
sadness of separation.

1013
00:52:07,916 --> 00:52:13,046
♪♪

1014
00:52:13,129 --> 00:52:16,049
It took me two days
to feel whole again.

1015
00:52:16,132 --> 00:52:18,760
If it hadn't been for my kids
to think about

1016
00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:20,554
or the sitter to talk to,

1017
00:52:20,637 --> 00:52:23,139
I don't know if I would
have come out of it.

1018
00:52:25,141 --> 00:52:29,062
But because I had grieved
my dad's death before he died,

1019
00:52:29,145 --> 00:52:31,398
I was able to listen
to his daydreams

1020
00:52:31,481 --> 00:52:34,067
during those last weeks
of his life,

1021
00:52:34,150 --> 00:52:36,695
and when he finally
slipped into a coma,

1022
00:52:36,778 --> 00:52:39,573
I knew how to help him
detach from his body

1023
00:52:39,656 --> 00:52:42,576
so he wasn't afraid or in pain.

1024
00:52:42,659 --> 00:52:45,871
He lay like that for 28 hours,
and then an hour

1025
00:52:45,954 --> 00:52:49,958
before my daughter's last
ballet performance, he died.

1026
00:52:52,335 --> 00:52:54,087
I was filming
while Charlotte danced

1027
00:52:54,170 --> 00:52:58,258
when suddenly I remembered
that he had sat in that theater,

1028
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:01,428
and I remembered exactly
where he had sat.

1029
00:53:01,511 --> 00:53:04,890
The memory was so clear
that I realized

1030
00:53:04,973 --> 00:53:07,100
that I was
seeing through his eyes.

1031
00:53:07,183 --> 00:53:09,436
His spirit was there
in the theater

1032
00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:11,813
to watch
his granddaughter dance.

1033
00:53:11,897 --> 00:53:17,652
♪♪

1034
00:53:17,736 --> 00:53:23,283
♪♪

1035
00:53:23,366 --> 00:53:26,620
After the performance,
I went to help my mom.

1036
00:53:26,703 --> 00:53:28,330
When I had finally
cleaned the space

1037
00:53:28,413 --> 00:53:32,626
so that she could remember him
in better health, I went home.

1038
00:53:34,502 --> 00:53:37,589
A few hours later,
I let the tears well up

1039
00:53:37,672 --> 00:53:41,343
and felt myself once again
pulled out by my heart,

1040
00:53:41,426 --> 00:53:44,262
but because I knew
that I could survive it,

1041
00:53:44,346 --> 00:53:49,643
I allowed the sadness to flow,
and it felt amazing.

1042
00:53:49,726 --> 00:53:53,438
If I hadn't witnessed Stan's
courage and trusted his example,

1043
00:53:53,521 --> 00:53:57,817
I doubt any of that
would have happened.

1044
00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,946
He wasn't afraid
to confront the darkness.

1045
00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:07,494
♪♪

1046
00:54:07,577 --> 00:54:11,331
In 1967, Stan was invited
to continue his research

1047
00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:14,000
at Johns Hopkins University
in Maryland,

1048
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,378
but pushback against
psychedelics was growing,

1049
00:54:16,461 --> 00:54:20,966
inflamed by flawed studies
engineered to generate fear.

1050
00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:25,887
-We have children that are born
without legs or arms.

1051
00:54:25,971 --> 00:54:29,516
The kind of thing we seen
after thalidomide exposure.

1052
00:54:29,599 --> 00:54:32,185
-Even though the studies
were eventually dismissed,

1053
00:54:32,268 --> 00:54:35,855
the culture was reeling
from the impact of psychedelics.

1054
00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:37,857
As a result,
the research program

1055
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,694
at Johns Hopkins University
was terminated.

1056
00:54:40,777 --> 00:54:42,195
Fortunately for Stan,

1057
00:54:42,278 --> 00:54:44,698
the program at Spring Grove
Psychiatric Hospital

1058
00:54:44,781 --> 00:54:46,199
was still operational.

1059
00:54:46,282 --> 00:54:48,702
While there, he continued
his research,

1060
00:54:48,785 --> 00:54:52,038
encountering even more
intriguing patients.

1061
00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:53,707
-This was a patient who had
some of

1062
00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:55,500
the most difficult pathology,

1063
00:54:55,583 --> 00:54:58,211
if you want to call it that way,
that I have ever seen.

1064
00:54:58,294 --> 00:55:02,048
She was 4 years in prison,
and while on parole,

1065
00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:04,592
she became
a multiple drug addict.

1066
00:55:04,676 --> 00:55:08,221
She had very difficult
episodes of depression,

1067
00:55:08,304 --> 00:55:09,889
so it was kind of
a life decision,

1068
00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:12,559
and so we decided
to take our chances.

1069
00:55:12,642 --> 00:55:15,562
So she had two
very powerful sessions.

1070
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,231
She was from a family
where there was alcoholism,

1071
00:55:18,314 --> 00:55:21,234
there was abuse,
there was incest.

1072
00:55:21,317 --> 00:55:22,610
And then
in the third session,

1073
00:55:22,694 --> 00:55:24,738
suddenly she started crying,

1074
00:55:24,821 --> 00:55:31,244
she started screaming, and then
vicious expression in her eyes,

1075
00:55:31,327 --> 00:55:34,914
incredible, incredibly
sort of evil expression

1076
00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:39,586
and this very deep voice came
and introduced itself,

1077
00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:41,421
himself, as the devil,

1078
00:55:41,504 --> 00:55:46,259
and then came this barrage
of insults and threats.

1079
00:55:46,342 --> 00:55:49,429
There was information
that the patient

1080
00:55:49,512 --> 00:55:52,265
as such could not have known.

1081
00:55:52,348 --> 00:55:55,935
I had a wonderful nurse
that was Southern Baptist,

1082
00:55:56,019 --> 00:55:57,103
and she was shaking.

1083
00:55:57,187 --> 00:55:58,563
I thought she was getting
a heart attack,

1084
00:55:58,646 --> 00:56:02,108
so I was watching
the patient and the nurse.

1085
00:56:02,192 --> 00:56:03,610
At one point, I said,

1086
00:56:03,693 --> 00:56:06,279
"Well, this is obviously
the Jungian archetype

1087
00:56:06,362 --> 00:56:07,947
that's manifesting here,

1088
00:56:08,031 --> 00:56:09,783
but maybe for that
kind of archetype

1089
00:56:09,866 --> 00:56:13,411
the crucifix would be
the best remedy."

1090
00:56:13,495 --> 00:56:18,124
As I was reacting emotionally,
it was just becoming more real.

1091
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,460
So I started meditating
on light.

1092
00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:22,962
I knew that, you know,
from my spiritual reading

1093
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:27,133
that these creatures
don't like light.

1094
00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:30,970
Suddenly stopped the way
it started,

1095
00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:33,640
so everything relaxed.

1096
00:56:33,723 --> 00:56:35,475
Then as she was coming down,

1097
00:56:35,558 --> 00:56:37,977
we sort of started
talking about it,

1098
00:56:38,061 --> 00:56:41,189
and I realized she remembered
only what happened

1099
00:56:41,272 --> 00:56:43,316
before this episode
and what happened after.

1100
00:56:43,399 --> 00:56:46,444
There's just total amnesia
for this.

1101
00:56:46,528 --> 00:56:49,322
You know, I wondered if I should
sort of bring that up

1102
00:56:49,405 --> 00:56:53,326
and talk about it
and decided not to do it at all,

1103
00:56:53,409 --> 00:56:55,161
but she, herself, wonderful,

1104
00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:56,996
and then very shortly
afterwards,

1105
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,498
she left the hospital

1106
00:56:58,581 --> 00:57:02,335
and probably was a little
lying on the questionnaire.

1107
00:57:02,418 --> 00:57:07,173
She got a job
as a taxi driver.

1108
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:10,176
-But despite the tremendous
success of his work,

1109
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:13,012
the program lost funding.

1110
00:57:13,096 --> 00:57:14,681
-We were finding it more
and more difficult

1111
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:17,559
to continue the research,
and I had a lot of materials.

1112
00:57:17,642 --> 00:57:22,021
I really wanted a sabbatical,
and do some writing,

1113
00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:25,692
and I got invitations
from several publishers,

1114
00:57:25,775 --> 00:57:26,860
so I could take a year off.

1115
00:57:26,943 --> 00:57:29,863
And I went to a party
in New York City,

1116
00:57:29,946 --> 00:57:31,489
and there was
Michael Murphy there,

1117
00:57:31,573 --> 00:57:33,867
and he...
the co-founder of Esalen.

1118
00:57:33,950 --> 00:57:37,704
-When I met Stan, first in '65,
he was probably

1119
00:57:37,787 --> 00:57:41,207
the best-looking man
in the human potential movement.

1120
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:44,169
I mean, he was as good looking
as Richard Burton.

1121
00:57:44,252 --> 00:57:46,379
-He said, "So, Stan,
what are you doing these days?"

1122
00:57:46,462 --> 00:57:48,673
I said, "Well, I'm actually
taking a year off

1123
00:57:48,756 --> 00:57:52,886
to write a book," and he said,
"Why don't you come to Esalen?"

1124
00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:56,222
-It was my instinct
as a director and producer

1125
00:57:56,306 --> 00:57:58,725
of this
ongoing theater at Esalen,

1126
00:57:58,808 --> 00:58:00,727
he was perfect.

1127
00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:04,063
And of course
we had been right in the middle

1128
00:58:04,147 --> 00:58:08,276
of a lot of experimentation
with psychedelics,

1129
00:58:08,359 --> 00:58:11,404
and although psychedelics
were not my ally,

1130
00:58:11,487 --> 00:58:17,577
Stan represented not only
another doorway into this

1131
00:58:17,660 --> 00:58:20,246
but also sobriety.

1132
00:58:20,330 --> 00:58:22,457
I mean, he actually
thought about it.

1133
00:58:22,540 --> 00:58:24,125
Tim pretended to think about it,

1134
00:58:24,209 --> 00:58:29,923
but he just proclaimed a vision
of taking LSD every Sunday.

1135
00:58:30,006 --> 00:58:32,050
If it's good,
just have more of it,

1136
00:58:32,133 --> 00:58:36,262
and we saw disaster
after disaster during the '60s,

1137
00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:38,598
so Bob Schwartz
gave us some money,

1138
00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:41,434
and Esalen provided
a beautiful house,

1139
00:58:41,517 --> 00:58:42,936
and off we went.

1140
00:58:43,019 --> 00:58:48,608
And he became the leading force
in our overall programming

1141
00:58:48,691 --> 00:58:51,611
for most of the years
he was there.

1142
00:58:51,694 --> 00:58:53,613
-Besides our breath
work workshops,

1143
00:58:53,696 --> 00:58:56,616
we offered then months-long
workshops.

1144
00:58:56,699 --> 00:58:59,494
People were coming to Esalen
from all over the world,

1145
00:58:59,577 --> 00:59:02,121
and they didn't want to take
just one workshop.

1146
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:05,250
So this gave me a chance
to choose a topic

1147
00:59:05,333 --> 00:59:07,627
I was interested in
and see who in the world

1148
00:59:07,710 --> 00:59:10,004
was doing
some cutting-edge research

1149
00:59:10,088 --> 00:59:13,299
and invite those people,
and then always finding,

1150
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:17,136
like, 36 people
who would want to do it with us.

1151
00:59:17,220 --> 00:59:21,140
-One popular program combined
vipassana with breath work.

1152
00:59:21,224 --> 00:59:23,810
-I think of a time
when we were holding

1153
00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:27,939
our large holotropic breath work
and Buddhist practice retreats,

1154
00:59:28,022 --> 00:59:31,484
and there's a room full
of some hundreds of people

1155
00:59:31,567 --> 00:59:34,821
doing the breath work
after we had meditated,

1156
00:59:34,904 --> 00:59:36,656
going through these
profound openings

1157
00:59:36,739 --> 00:59:37,949
with this music playing.

1158
00:59:38,032 --> 00:59:40,159
Some people are in
heavenly states,

1159
00:59:40,243 --> 00:59:41,786
and some people feel
like they're dying

1160
00:59:41,869 --> 00:59:44,372
and getting reborn,
and some people have past life

1161
00:59:44,455 --> 00:59:47,166
experiences or turning
into birds or animals,

1162
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:50,503
and some people are having
the reliving of their childhood,

1163
00:59:50,586 --> 00:59:51,838
every possible thing.

1164
00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:53,881
It's like being
in Dante's inferno

1165
00:59:53,965 --> 00:59:57,176
and purgatorio and paradisio
all at the same time,

1166
00:59:57,260 --> 01:00:00,013
and it's really quite marvelous
because it's so well held

1167
01:00:00,096 --> 01:00:02,890
and tended by the facilitators,

1168
01:00:02,974 --> 01:00:06,519
and then when things get really
dicey, they call Stan over.

1169
01:00:06,602 --> 01:00:11,190
So I remember one who was
a multiple personality

1170
01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:12,859
who had different alters

1171
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:15,570
that would show themselves
at different points,

1172
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:18,531
and one of them
was really demonic,

1173
01:00:18,614 --> 01:00:21,868
and this whole demonic side
started to come out, like,

1174
01:00:21,951 --> 01:00:25,413
"If you come near me,
I will slash and kill you."

1175
01:00:25,496 --> 01:00:28,041
So the facilitators were
a little bit nervous

1176
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:31,878
because the voice and
the aggression of this demon --

1177
01:00:31,961 --> 01:00:35,381
"You try to fix or help me,
and I will get you,

1178
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:36,883
and I will kill you
and slash you."

1179
01:00:36,966 --> 01:00:40,053
It was not an easy person to be
tending,

1180
01:00:40,136 --> 01:00:41,554
so they called Stan over

1181
01:00:41,637 --> 01:00:44,766
because it seemed like this
demon wanted to eat everybody,

1182
01:00:44,849 --> 01:00:49,395
and Stan came over very calm
and cool and sat down and said,

1183
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:52,565
"Tell me more.
You know, you're a demon.

1184
01:00:52,648 --> 01:00:55,401
You have some powers.
What are those powers you have,

1185
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:57,945
and who do you think
you really are as a demon?

1186
01:00:58,029 --> 01:01:00,573
I mean, do you really know
what your identity is?"

1187
01:01:00,656 --> 01:01:02,241
He didn't quite ask it
in that way,

1188
01:01:02,325 --> 01:01:05,244
but he began to, like,
look directly at the demon

1189
01:01:05,328 --> 01:01:06,913
and say,
"You don't know really where

1190
01:01:06,996 --> 01:01:08,748
you come from, do you,
who you are?

1191
01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:10,750
I'm very pleased to meet you,
but you don't"...

1192
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,628
And the demon started
to get confused

1193
01:01:13,711 --> 01:01:15,254
and started to look around,

1194
01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:18,257
and it was, like, instead
of being afraid of the demon,

1195
01:01:18,341 --> 01:01:21,260
Stan met this demonic energy

1196
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:24,430
with a kind of curiosity
and interest and fearlessness

1197
01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:26,599
that the demon
that never met before,

1198
01:01:26,682 --> 01:01:28,768
and it started to kind
of lose its way,

1199
01:01:28,851 --> 01:01:31,604
and then
the whole thing morphed.

1200
01:01:31,687 --> 01:01:35,108
Magic happened when other
people were frightened.

1201
01:01:35,191 --> 01:01:37,610
That kind of innocence
that Stan has,

1202
01:01:37,693 --> 01:01:38,903
he's like this giant kid

1203
01:01:38,986 --> 01:01:41,447
wandering around saying,
"Wow, look at that."

1204
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:45,076
He has this tremendous
appreciation for everything.

1205
01:01:45,159 --> 01:01:47,954
♪♪

1206
01:01:48,037 --> 01:01:51,791
-In 1974, Stan was about
43 years old,

1207
01:01:51,874 --> 01:01:56,295
and I was about 24 working
at Esalen as a night guard

1208
01:01:56,379 --> 01:01:58,464
and then writing
my dissertation,

1209
01:01:58,548 --> 01:01:59,966
you know, during the day,

1210
01:02:00,049 --> 01:02:04,971
and we got a call at about 4:00,
4:30 in the morning.

1211
01:02:05,054 --> 01:02:07,807
The night guard who was
on that night said,

1212
01:02:07,890 --> 01:02:13,813
"We've got a crisis, and we need
you guys here right away."

1213
01:02:13,896 --> 01:02:15,982
1:00 a.m. to 5:30 every morning,

1214
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,277
we would let in people
from outside of Esalen

1215
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:20,653
to use the baths.

1216
01:02:20,736 --> 01:02:23,990
A young man had taken LSD
with his girlfriend

1217
01:02:24,073 --> 01:02:27,118
and started to flip out at some
point during the session,

1218
01:02:27,201 --> 01:02:28,870
became violently paranoid.

1219
01:02:28,953 --> 01:02:32,331
The girlfriend had escaped
from the guy.

1220
01:02:32,415 --> 01:02:36,002
He had gone up the hill
to their van.

1221
01:02:36,085 --> 01:02:38,004
All we knew was that
he's got a knife,

1222
01:02:38,087 --> 01:02:39,213
he's naked,

1223
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:42,341
he's psychotically paranoid
and violent.

1224
01:02:42,425 --> 01:02:45,887
As we're approaching the van,
I'm thinking to myself,

1225
01:02:45,970 --> 01:02:47,680
"Oh, this is great,"
just because I'm writing

1226
01:02:47,763 --> 01:02:51,184
a dissertation
on LSD psychotherapy.

1227
01:02:51,267 --> 01:02:54,854
I'm now, you know,
in a life-and-death situation.

1228
01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:57,023
-A victim of...

1229
01:02:57,106 --> 01:03:00,568
-So Stan opens
the sliding van door,

1230
01:03:00,651 --> 01:03:02,987
and the bottle is thrown
right by his head,

1231
01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:05,323
and then he goes in,
picks up a blanket,

1232
01:03:05,406 --> 01:03:08,409
wraps it around the man,
and puts him in a bear hug.

1233
01:03:08,493 --> 01:03:12,538
He says, "Okay. You've taken a
very powerful psychoactive drug.

1234
01:03:12,622 --> 01:03:14,373
I want you to close your eyes
and pay attention

1235
01:03:14,457 --> 01:03:16,334
to what's going on inside you."

1236
01:03:16,417 --> 01:03:20,213
♪♪

1237
01:03:20,296 --> 01:03:22,048
Within about 15 minutes,

1238
01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,717
the young man
was laughing at himself

1239
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:29,388
but at the same time embarrassed
for what he had caused.

1240
01:03:29,472 --> 01:03:32,725
It was a real testament
to Stan's personal courage,

1241
01:03:32,808 --> 01:03:37,730
but it also was an illustration
of his whole philosophy

1242
01:03:37,813 --> 01:03:40,441
of trusting the psyche.

1243
01:03:42,818 --> 01:03:44,904
You know, the very first lecture
that I ever heard

1244
01:03:44,987 --> 01:03:48,574
Stan give in March
of 1974 at Esalen,

1245
01:03:48,658 --> 01:03:50,743
I asked him at the end,

1246
01:03:50,826 --> 01:03:53,120
"What do you do
in the case of someone

1247
01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:55,915
who's in a really bad trip

1248
01:03:55,998 --> 01:03:58,918
where they're descending
into an incessant loop

1249
01:03:59,001 --> 01:04:00,419
that they can't get out of,

1250
01:04:00,503 --> 01:04:02,088
and they feel like they're
losing their sanity?"

1251
01:04:02,171 --> 01:04:05,258
and these things can have
enduring effects, you know, too,

1252
01:04:05,341 --> 01:04:08,928
and he said with a kind
of poetic conciseness

1253
01:04:09,011 --> 01:04:10,972
that I've never forgotten,
he just said,

1254
01:04:11,055 --> 01:04:13,266
"Well, the full experience
of an emotion

1255
01:04:13,349 --> 01:04:16,894
is the funeral pyre
of the emotion,"

1256
01:04:16,978 --> 01:04:21,107
and he just pointed out
that we have a tendency to,

1257
01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:25,444
of course, wall
ourselves off from the pain,

1258
01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:28,281
the scary things in our psyche
that are trying to emerge,

1259
01:04:28,364 --> 01:04:30,616
but he says,
"That's actually the way

1260
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:34,287
out of the pathology
of the suffering."

1261
01:04:34,370 --> 01:04:38,791
So he was able to convey
with that one sentence

1262
01:04:38,874 --> 01:04:43,796
the idea that bad trips
and negative material,

1263
01:04:43,879 --> 01:04:47,758
which Tim Leary did not
prepare the masses for,

1264
01:04:47,842 --> 01:04:55,808
were actually a royal road
to transformative healing.

1265
01:04:55,891 --> 01:04:58,644
-I think it's essential
when we discussed psychedelics

1266
01:04:58,728 --> 01:05:02,815
now to talk about
the challenging experiences

1267
01:05:02,898 --> 01:05:04,942
and that it's not all easy.

1268
01:05:05,026 --> 01:05:08,988
MAPS does psychedelic
harm reduction at Burning Man

1269
01:05:09,071 --> 01:05:11,490
and at festivals
all over the world,

1270
01:05:11,574 --> 01:05:13,618
and one of our main
principles is,

1271
01:05:13,701 --> 01:05:16,203
"Difficult is not
the same as bad,"

1272
01:05:16,287 --> 01:05:19,999
and I think that's where with
psychedelic therapy right now,

1273
01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:22,460
we prepare people
in a much different way

1274
01:05:22,543 --> 01:05:24,837
and really talk about a lot
of the kernels of wisdom

1275
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:28,841
will come wrapped in these
very difficult experiences.

1276
01:05:28,924 --> 01:05:32,678
-Stan recognized early on that
existing schools of psychology

1277
01:05:32,762 --> 01:05:35,181
couldn't explain
the profound experiences

1278
01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:37,016
and resulting transformations

1279
01:05:37,099 --> 01:05:39,685
that he
and his patients underwent.

1280
01:05:39,769 --> 01:05:41,228
Even before moving to Esalen,

1281
01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:44,982
Stan worked with Abe Maslow
and Tony Sutich to develop

1282
01:05:45,066 --> 01:05:46,359
transpersonal psychology,

1283
01:05:46,442 --> 01:05:49,195
which recognized
the spiritual nature of humanity

1284
01:05:49,278 --> 01:05:52,198
and the importance of memories
from our time

1285
01:05:52,281 --> 01:05:54,700
in the womb and beyond.

1286
01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:57,036
-We got to the point
where we were very satisfied

1287
01:05:57,119 --> 01:05:59,372
with the kind
of new psychology,

1288
01:05:59,455 --> 01:06:02,541
but we had no idea
how we could possibly link

1289
01:06:02,625 --> 01:06:06,879
that gap between this
kind of system that we created

1290
01:06:06,962 --> 01:06:10,216
and what we knew as
the scientific psychology,

1291
01:06:10,299 --> 01:06:12,218
and that's where meeting
Fritjof Capra

1292
01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:14,387
and reading his book,
"The Tao of Physics,"

1293
01:06:14,470 --> 01:06:17,056
was extremely important for me.

1294
01:06:17,139 --> 01:06:20,559
Frances Vaughan invited him
to Tiburon

1295
01:06:20,643 --> 01:06:23,229
to meet transpersonal
psychologists,

1296
01:06:23,312 --> 01:06:24,730
and we really hit it off.

1297
01:06:24,814 --> 01:06:27,233
-We planned these seminars
together,

1298
01:06:27,316 --> 01:06:31,278
which we called "Journeys
Beyond Space and Time,"

1299
01:06:31,362 --> 01:06:37,868
and those were an inner journey
of transpersonal experiences

1300
01:06:37,952 --> 01:06:39,370
and the outer journey of,

1301
01:06:39,453 --> 01:06:42,581
you know, physicists
delving into matter

1302
01:06:42,665 --> 01:06:44,417
at the atomic
and subatomic level.

1303
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:48,087
-Fritjof would take the morning
and tell people, you know,

1304
01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:53,592
how scientists, physicists now
see the world of matter.

1305
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:57,096
-I presented the perception
of reality

1306
01:06:57,179 --> 01:07:01,767
where the solid objects
of our everyday experience

1307
01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:05,104
dissolve into energy patterns

1308
01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:10,484
and where particles can travel
backward and forward in time,

1309
01:07:10,568 --> 01:07:13,279
where these energy patterns,
furthermore,

1310
01:07:13,362 --> 01:07:16,615
are intrinsically dynamic,
the whole universe

1311
01:07:16,699 --> 01:07:20,786
being some sort of
a cosmic dance of energy.

1312
01:07:20,870 --> 01:07:25,291
Stan was describing
very similar experiences,

1313
01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:28,627
and as I did,
he was comparing them

1314
01:07:28,711 --> 01:07:31,088
to the experience of mystics.

1315
01:07:31,172 --> 01:07:33,799
Now we had
three perspectives --

1316
01:07:33,883 --> 01:07:35,509
the mystical experience,

1317
01:07:35,593 --> 01:07:39,305
the transpersonal experience,
and the experience of physicists

1318
01:07:39,388 --> 01:07:41,640
in those subatomic paradigms.

1319
01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:43,142
-After lunch, when people came,

1320
01:07:43,225 --> 01:07:46,312
it was time for me
to talk about my research.

1321
01:07:46,395 --> 01:07:50,649
It was pretty sober as compared
to what Fritjof was describing,

1322
01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:52,485
and I was talking
about something that happens

1323
01:07:52,568 --> 01:07:54,487
in some unusual states
of consciousness

1324
01:07:54,570 --> 01:07:57,656
whereas Fritjof was redefining
the material world

1325
01:07:57,740 --> 01:07:58,949
that we live in.

1326
01:07:59,033 --> 01:08:00,826
-One of the key insights
from the new physics

1327
01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:04,663
is that reality has something
of a holographic structure

1328
01:08:04,747 --> 01:08:08,167
or a fractal structure,
and the simplest example of this

1329
01:08:08,250 --> 01:08:12,338
is a mathematical structure
that we call the Mandelbrot set.

1330
01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:14,840
Now in science,
this is called nested

1331
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:18,302
sets of self-similar structures,

1332
01:08:18,385 --> 01:08:20,846
but I like to think
that this is actually

1333
01:08:20,930 --> 01:08:24,683
a modern scientific discovery
of an ancient

1334
01:08:24,767 --> 01:08:26,393
Hermetic principle of alchemy --

1335
01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:30,981
"As above, so below.
As within, so without,"

1336
01:08:31,065 --> 01:08:36,529
that basically the microcosm
replicates the macrocosm.

1337
01:08:36,612 --> 01:08:39,698
If we apply these ideas
to spirituality,

1338
01:08:39,782 --> 01:08:43,702
what I would propose
is that consciousness itself

1339
01:08:43,786 --> 01:08:46,372
has this same fractal structure,

1340
01:08:46,455 --> 01:08:49,250
which means that there is
a self-similarity

1341
01:08:49,333 --> 01:08:52,378
at all levels of existence.

1342
01:08:52,461 --> 01:08:56,423
-Stan was one of the very first

1343
01:08:56,507 --> 01:08:59,885
to give this
new conception of life

1344
01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:04,557
and this new perception of
reality an emotional content,

1345
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:06,392
an experiential content.

1346
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:11,063
I think this is one of his
many great contributions.

1347
01:09:11,146 --> 01:09:13,399
-So many new perspectives
were introduced

1348
01:09:13,482 --> 01:09:16,402
during those workshops
and month-long intensives.

1349
01:09:16,485 --> 01:09:19,238
Michael Harner, who Stan had met
on his first trip

1350
01:09:19,321 --> 01:09:20,573
to the United States,

1351
01:09:20,656 --> 01:09:24,076
presented his work
in Core Shamanic practices.

1352
01:09:24,159 --> 01:09:25,244
-It was 1965.

1353
01:09:25,327 --> 01:09:29,248
We met in the Esalen
bathhouses, right?

1354
01:09:29,331 --> 01:09:31,750
-Yes.
This was an interesting meeting.

1355
01:09:31,834 --> 01:09:34,253
We were both stark naked

1356
01:09:34,336 --> 01:09:36,589
when we first met.
-Yeah.

1357
01:09:36,672 --> 01:09:41,594
Good way to start
and had nothing to hide.

1358
01:09:41,677 --> 01:09:43,596
-Richard Tarnas,
together with Stan,

1359
01:09:43,679 --> 01:09:45,306
developed archetypal astrology

1360
01:09:45,389 --> 01:09:48,934
as a means for gaining a deeper
understanding of the forces

1361
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:52,438
influencing individual
and collective psyches.

1362
01:09:52,521 --> 01:09:56,483
-We noticed the phenomenology
of the perinatal matrices

1363
01:09:56,567 --> 01:10:00,613
could have been passages
from handbooks of astrology.

1364
01:10:00,696 --> 01:10:01,947
So that was mind-blowing

1365
01:10:02,031 --> 01:10:04,617
because I had no
understanding of astrology

1366
01:10:04,700 --> 01:10:06,118
when I was doing it,

1367
01:10:06,201 --> 01:10:08,120
but then we found out
something even more amazing

1368
01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:11,832
that actually people were having
in their sessions the encounter

1369
01:10:11,916 --> 01:10:14,126
with elements
of these matrices at the time

1370
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:18,339
when they had these planets
in some significant transit,

1371
01:10:18,422 --> 01:10:20,799
so it became, you know,

1372
01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,509
something that
allowed prediction,

1373
01:10:22,593 --> 01:10:25,596
what kind of experiences
people would have.

1374
01:10:25,679 --> 01:10:28,807
I had a chance to spend
very informal time

1375
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:31,644
with people who were
the pioneers, you know --

1376
01:10:31,727 --> 01:10:34,813
Fritjof Capra, Rupert Sheldrake,
Karl Pribram.

1377
01:10:34,897 --> 01:10:37,816
We had Huston Smith,
Joseph Campbell.

1378
01:10:37,900 --> 01:10:41,487
No university had
that kind of a staff,

1379
01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:42,780
so when I started

1380
01:10:42,863 --> 01:10:45,157
the International
Transpersonal Association,

1381
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,493
I could pick up
the telephone and say,

1382
01:10:47,576 --> 01:10:49,995
"I want to do a conference
in Bombay, in India,

1383
01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:53,499
and I can pay the
round-trip ticket and feed you.

1384
01:10:53,582 --> 01:10:57,503
They will put you up,
but I can't give any honoring.

1385
01:10:57,586 --> 01:11:00,839
Do you want to come?"
and they all said, "Yes."

1386
01:11:00,923 --> 01:11:03,467
-Stan Grof wrote me
a long handwritten letter

1387
01:11:03,550 --> 01:11:05,344
saying how much
he liked my book.

1388
01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:06,845
He'd had a copy shipped,

1389
01:11:06,929 --> 01:11:09,515
and he invited me
to speak at a conference

1390
01:11:09,598 --> 01:11:11,684
he was organizing in Bombay,

1391
01:11:11,767 --> 01:11:13,477
but I'd never been
to California.

1392
01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:16,188
I'd never heard of things
like the New Age Movement.

1393
01:11:16,271 --> 01:11:17,690
I'd never heard of Stan Grof.

1394
01:11:17,773 --> 01:11:20,693
I'd never heard of Esalen,
and suddenly, in this hotel,

1395
01:11:20,776 --> 01:11:23,696
it was a kind of
astonishing world of people

1396
01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:25,531
who were into
consciousness research

1397
01:11:25,614 --> 01:11:27,700
talking about
the Esalen Institute.

1398
01:11:27,783 --> 01:11:31,203
Stan was talking about
his psychotropic breathing

1399
01:11:31,286 --> 01:11:34,039
and LSD research and so on.

1400
01:11:34,123 --> 01:11:36,500
I was amazed to find myself
in an environment

1401
01:11:36,583 --> 01:11:37,876
where I could talk
about the things

1402
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:39,378
I was really
most interested in,

1403
01:11:39,461 --> 01:11:42,881
where people were interested
in finding out more,

1404
01:11:42,965 --> 01:11:48,512
a kind of fizz of excitement
and discovery and new horizons.

1405
01:11:48,595 --> 01:11:51,557
-People were just very hungry
to find an atmosphere

1406
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:54,059
where they could connect
with like-minded people.

1407
01:11:54,143 --> 01:11:56,061
They were not afraid
of criticism

1408
01:11:56,145 --> 01:11:57,896
that would have
any implications, you know,

1409
01:11:57,980 --> 01:12:00,899
for their reputation
or their position.

1410
01:12:00,983 --> 01:12:04,236
So we really got the truth
from people.

1411
01:12:04,319 --> 01:12:08,407
-...that there is
a domain of potentiality

1412
01:12:08,490 --> 01:12:12,911
which is nonlocal,
and therefore, it is oneness.

1413
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,580
-The universe
doesn't work on...

1414
01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:19,418
-Stan represents what
has been sorely lacking,

1415
01:12:19,501 --> 01:12:24,590
which is the long through line
of work over decades

1416
01:12:24,673 --> 01:12:30,262
because in this wild,
meandering exploration

1417
01:12:30,345 --> 01:12:32,931
of the further reaches
of human nature,

1418
01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:34,558
particularly in the '60s,

1419
01:12:34,641 --> 01:12:37,770
but even in the long
sobering-up of the '70s,

1420
01:12:37,853 --> 01:12:43,442
he's been able to provide
a huge body of empirical lore.

1421
01:12:43,525 --> 01:12:45,611
-It's fair to say, I think,

1422
01:12:45,694 --> 01:12:47,112
that I wouldn't be
doing the research

1423
01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:50,783
that I'm doing
had it not have been for reading

1424
01:12:50,866 --> 01:12:54,119
Stan's "Realms of the
Human Unconscious."

1425
01:12:54,203 --> 01:12:55,996
-Yet despite the tremendous
insights

1426
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,165
shared during Stan's tenure
at Esalen

1427
01:12:58,248 --> 01:13:00,959
and his continued exploration
of the healing power

1428
01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:03,295
of nonordinary states
of consciousness,

1429
01:13:03,378 --> 01:13:05,798
so little has changed.

1430
01:13:05,881 --> 01:13:08,801
-The work with holotropic
states also provide very,

1431
01:13:08,884 --> 01:13:10,594
very interesting insight

1432
01:13:10,677 --> 01:13:14,973
into how we should approach
the situation

1433
01:13:15,057 --> 01:13:18,602
that we have in the world
where we are in global crisis,

1434
01:13:18,685 --> 01:13:21,647
in some sense, on the verge
of possible extinction --

1435
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:26,819
not just our species but taking
a few species with us.

1436
01:13:26,902 --> 01:13:29,154
You know, changing this
situation is not simple.

1437
01:13:29,238 --> 01:13:33,325
We cannot just to do kind of
transpersonal,

1438
01:13:33,408 --> 01:13:36,662
spiritual sanitization
of creation,

1439
01:13:36,745 --> 01:13:39,164
simply eliminate everything
that we don't like

1440
01:13:39,248 --> 01:13:43,335
that we think is bad or evil.

1441
01:13:43,418 --> 01:13:46,004
-It was hard for me to hear
what Stan was saying.

1442
01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:49,675
I'd always hoped that one
could avoid darkness and pain.

1443
01:13:49,758 --> 01:13:52,177
I didn't want to believe
that light and shadow

1444
01:13:52,261 --> 01:13:55,514
were equal parts
of the whole.

1445
01:13:55,597 --> 01:13:58,851
Perhaps ayahuasca could help me
make peace with that.

1446
01:14:01,770 --> 01:14:04,022
The problem with ayahuasca
is that it can take

1447
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:06,024
a long time to come on.

1448
01:14:06,108 --> 01:14:09,695
The mistake that I made was
thinking I hadn't had enough.

1449
01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:14,533
♪♪

1450
01:14:14,616 --> 01:14:18,745
I really thought I was dying,
but in my heart,

1451
01:14:18,829 --> 01:14:21,540
I knew that it was too late.

1452
01:14:21,623 --> 01:14:26,044
There was nothing to be done,
so I purged and surrendered.

1453
01:14:26,128 --> 01:14:32,050
♪♪

1454
01:14:32,134 --> 01:14:35,387
It took me a while to realize
that I was in another dimension

1455
01:14:35,470 --> 01:14:39,433
and that as long as I remained
formless in it, I was fine.

1456
01:14:39,516 --> 01:14:43,562
If I tried to feel my body,
I was instantly nauseous.

1457
01:14:43,645 --> 01:14:47,065
For 6 hours, I stayed
in the quantum fields.

1458
01:14:47,149 --> 01:14:51,236
At times, it seemed I was
watching reincarnation,

1459
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:54,114
where a soul would merge
with the possibility wave

1460
01:14:54,198 --> 01:14:57,534
and then tumble down
into increasing density,

1461
01:14:57,618 --> 01:15:01,622
flipping like a coin
between victim and perpetrator.

1462
01:15:03,832 --> 01:15:05,417
Pretty much every
deep experience

1463
01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:08,086
I've had since has been
uncomfortable in ways

1464
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:11,882
I never could've imagined,
but most often,

1465
01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:14,718
I end up in a place
of great beauty and love

1466
01:15:14,801 --> 01:15:17,888
as though the ugliness
had to be fully experienced

1467
01:15:17,971 --> 01:15:21,725
before I had access
to the underlying joy.

1468
01:15:21,808 --> 01:15:24,394
When I look back
at my archetypal astrology,

1469
01:15:24,478 --> 01:15:29,107
I see now that I've been through
a series of deaths and rebirths.

1470
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:32,444
What died was my limited
sense of self.

1471
01:15:32,527 --> 01:15:34,279
Once that illusion slipped away,

1472
01:15:34,363 --> 01:15:38,617
I could feel my true nature
as energy beyond the creative

1473
01:15:38,700 --> 01:15:41,286
and destructive cycles
of the universe,

1474
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,829
timeless and vast,

1475
01:15:42,913 --> 01:15:47,459
within a unity that might
be forgotten but never lost.

1476
01:15:50,212 --> 01:15:51,505
-I think it's healthier to know

1477
01:15:51,588 --> 01:15:53,966
that the devil is something
within our psyches

1478
01:15:54,049 --> 01:15:58,303
and within our souls as humans
rather than some,

1479
01:15:58,387 --> 01:16:03,016
you know, object out there.

1480
01:16:03,100 --> 01:16:05,644
-I think people who are
in touch

1481
01:16:05,727 --> 01:16:08,355
with the state of the world
right now recognize

1482
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:11,441
that we're basically
all skating on thin ice.

1483
01:16:11,525 --> 01:16:14,987
There is a profound
sense of uncertainty

1484
01:16:15,070 --> 01:16:20,492
and potentially looming danger
of catastrophic proportions,

1485
01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:23,120
and it takes a lot of courage
to face that.

1486
01:16:23,203 --> 01:16:25,872
We can't simply be sure
we can be bringing

1487
01:16:25,956 --> 01:16:27,666
in some technological fix

1488
01:16:27,749 --> 01:16:30,502
or rational solution
to this situation.

1489
01:16:30,585 --> 01:16:33,714
Uncertainty itself
is a key part

1490
01:16:33,797 --> 01:16:37,009
of any initiatory
transformation.

1491
01:16:37,092 --> 01:16:40,012
You can't have a pretend
near-death experience

1492
01:16:40,095 --> 01:16:44,850
in order to have an effective
transfiguration of how you live.

1493
01:16:44,933 --> 01:16:47,978
You need to really feel
everything is at stake,

1494
01:16:48,061 --> 01:16:50,147
and you don't know
the outcome,

1495
01:16:50,230 --> 01:16:53,025
and if we can have
the courage to face that

1496
01:16:53,108 --> 01:16:55,694
and to go through
this dark night of the soul,

1497
01:16:55,777 --> 01:16:58,697
in some sense,
and to bring all our wits

1498
01:16:58,780 --> 01:17:02,576
and heart and imagination
and bravery together

1499
01:17:02,659 --> 01:17:05,037
to engage
this great threshold,

1500
01:17:05,120 --> 01:17:09,541
I think that's the key
to our future.

1501
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,001
-If anybody is
paying attention,

1502
01:17:11,084 --> 01:17:13,086
they're traumatized
in some way,

1503
01:17:13,170 --> 01:17:16,923
and psychedelics can help us
deal with those fears

1504
01:17:17,007 --> 01:17:19,885
and still look positively
at what we can do

1505
01:17:19,968 --> 01:17:21,553
to contribute
to making it better,

1506
01:17:21,636 --> 01:17:24,181
so a lot of the astronauts
who've looked back at the Earth

1507
01:17:24,264 --> 01:17:28,393
from space and realized
that it's a single organism,

1508
01:17:28,477 --> 01:17:30,937
that there are no clear
country boundaries,

1509
01:17:31,021 --> 01:17:32,522
that we're all
in this together,

1510
01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:35,567
we're all part of this
14 billion years of evolution

1511
01:17:35,650 --> 01:17:37,069
have been spiritualized.

1512
01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:40,405
When people grasp
the sense of the whole,

1513
01:17:40,489 --> 01:17:42,532
that has profound
political implications,

1514
01:17:42,616 --> 01:17:44,409
and it's a lot cheaper to give
somebody a psychedelic

1515
01:17:44,493 --> 01:17:46,078
than shoot them up
to the Moon.

1516
01:17:46,161 --> 01:17:49,247
[ Chuckles ]

1517
01:17:49,331 --> 01:17:51,917
-The power of psychedelics
to profoundly change

1518
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,960
people is remarkable.

1519
01:17:55,962 --> 01:17:59,591
-The information that
was delivered to me

1520
01:17:59,674 --> 01:18:03,762
in those experiences
has pretty much formed

1521
01:18:03,845 --> 01:18:06,098
the rest of my life
since then.

1522
01:18:06,181 --> 01:18:11,603
-The depression was gone,
never came back.

1523
01:18:11,686 --> 01:18:19,277
I became a different person
who was able to enjoy life,

1524
01:18:19,361 --> 01:18:21,780
learn how to laugh,

1525
01:18:21,863 --> 01:18:25,492
who was nicer to my children
and my grandchildren.

1526
01:18:25,575 --> 01:18:30,622
The substance, which was
a psychedelic, helped me so much

1527
01:18:30,705 --> 01:18:34,418
that I dedicated
the rest of my life

1528
01:18:34,501 --> 01:18:39,965
to make it available
to everyone who suffers.

1529
01:18:40,048 --> 01:18:43,468
-I now have completely,
180 degrees

1530
01:18:43,552 --> 01:18:46,304
modified my viewpoint
to understand

1531
01:18:46,388 --> 01:18:50,267
that we are spiritual beings,

1532
01:18:50,350 --> 01:18:53,478
performing and acting
and learning in physical bodies,

1533
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:56,148
and it is through the power
of some of the psychedelics

1534
01:18:56,231 --> 01:18:58,150
and through some
of the ideas of Stan

1535
01:18:58,233 --> 01:19:00,986
and the people that he has
brought together with him

1536
01:19:01,069 --> 01:19:03,864
that this new opening
has happened in my life

1537
01:19:03,947 --> 01:19:07,033
as well as in the lives
of thousands

1538
01:19:07,117 --> 01:19:09,035
and millions of people.

1539
01:19:09,119 --> 01:19:11,163
-And now, ever since that,

1540
01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,623
anytime when things
like that happen --

1541
01:19:13,707 --> 01:19:16,001
Of course, they happen
again and again --

1542
01:19:16,084 --> 01:19:18,712
I remember what Stan told me.

1543
01:19:18,795 --> 01:19:24,843
"You're ready. Face it.
Your psyche will not give you

1544
01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:27,637
any task
that you cannot tackle."

1545
01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:31,808
-Regardless of the method,
it's the state

1546
01:19:31,892 --> 01:19:36,146
one finds themselves in that
matters, awake and joyful

1547
01:19:36,229 --> 01:19:41,860
in the heartfelt knowledge of
being part of something greater.

1548
01:19:41,943 --> 01:19:44,863
It's only fitting that Stan
experienced his own rebirth

1549
01:19:44,946 --> 01:19:46,698
after Christina's passing.

1550
01:19:46,781 --> 01:19:50,076
For years, he had suffered
from debilitating back pain

1551
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:52,537
and nerve sensitivity
in his legs,

1552
01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:55,373
but a higher-than-normal
dose of medical marijuana

1553
01:19:55,457 --> 01:19:58,877
launched a process
that freed him from that pain.

1554
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:02,005
-I had the feeling
that I was dying,

1555
01:20:02,088 --> 01:20:05,717
and I saw other people
who died before me,

1556
01:20:05,800 --> 01:20:07,886
Angie Arrien and Christina,

1557
01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:11,223
Sasha Shulgin
and Hans Ruedi Giger,

1558
01:20:11,306 --> 01:20:13,266
so I had the feeling this is,
like, end of an era,

1559
01:20:13,350 --> 01:20:17,229
and I was joining, and then
there was that sense like,

1560
01:20:17,312 --> 01:20:20,899
"No, you are not ready yet,"
and sort of, "You go back.

1561
01:20:20,982 --> 01:20:22,734
You know, you have
more work to do,"

1562
01:20:22,817 --> 01:20:24,569
and I went for
about a month

1563
01:20:24,653 --> 01:20:27,906
into a lot of nonordinary
states of consciousness.

1564
01:20:27,989 --> 01:20:29,908
Spontaneous chanting was coming.

1565
01:20:29,991 --> 01:20:34,412
A significant part of it
was about whales.

1566
01:20:34,496 --> 01:20:36,289
-During this period, Brigitte,

1567
01:20:36,373 --> 01:20:39,584
one of Stan's first students
and dearly loved by him,

1568
01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:41,044
reached out.

1569
01:20:41,127 --> 01:20:44,422
-Hearing the first phone call
where we reconnected,

1570
01:20:44,506 --> 01:20:47,759
she told me that she was
about to go for a trip

1571
01:20:47,842 --> 01:20:49,427
where it was possible

1572
01:20:49,511 --> 01:20:52,597
to actually meet the whales
and swim with the dolphins.

1573
01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:55,976
That was an amazing experience.

1574
01:20:56,059 --> 01:21:00,772
We first met when Brigitte came
to a lecture of mine in Freiburg

1575
01:21:00,855 --> 01:21:05,485
after she had had
a very difficult LSD experience,

1576
01:21:05,569 --> 01:21:07,445
and very shortly afterwards,

1577
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:11,283
she participated
in our first breathwork

1578
01:21:11,366 --> 01:21:15,954
and decided to come to Esalen,
where she stayed for a year,

1579
01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:17,956
and she did several
of the trainings

1580
01:21:18,039 --> 01:21:22,127
of holotropic breathwork,
so I've always loved her.

1581
01:21:22,210 --> 01:21:25,297
She brought incredible spirit

1582
01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:28,967
into all the groups
that she participated in,

1583
01:21:29,050 --> 01:21:36,266
and she was always a light
of my life at a time when,

1584
01:21:36,349 --> 01:21:38,476
you know, I was committed
to really not have any way

1585
01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:41,813
of sort of bringing
the relationship farther,

1586
01:21:41,896 --> 01:21:44,482
and then the situation changed,

1587
01:21:44,566 --> 01:21:48,820
so we decided to join
our lives together.

1588
01:21:48,903 --> 01:21:52,657
-...a toast
to it's never too late.

1589
01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:53,992
-No.

1590
01:21:54,075 --> 01:21:56,494
-In everyone's life,
it is just never too late.

1591
01:21:56,578 --> 01:21:57,662
-Whoo!

1592
01:21:57,746 --> 01:22:00,332
-I never expected
the late years in my life

1593
01:22:00,415 --> 01:22:06,046
would be
the happiest time of my life.

1594
01:22:06,129 --> 01:22:07,505
-I've just always loved him,

1595
01:22:07,589 --> 01:22:11,009
and I feel very blessed
that we can be together.

1596
01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:13,011
It's a dream come true.

1597
01:22:13,094 --> 01:22:16,806
It's just this oneness that
we share and the humor

1598
01:22:16,890 --> 01:22:19,184
and the way we see things,

1599
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,144
the inner journeys
that we share.

1600
01:22:21,227 --> 01:22:25,857
It's just wonderful
to be married to Stan.

1601
01:22:27,942 --> 01:22:30,236
-And just as Stan
and Brigitte's past circle

1602
01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:33,073
back to Esalen
where they now teach together,

1603
01:22:33,156 --> 01:22:38,328
so has my journey returned me
to a familiar sense of peace.

1604
01:22:38,411 --> 01:22:41,873
What began as a quest
to reconnect with my teachers

1605
01:22:41,956 --> 01:22:44,334
has evolved into
a deeper understanding

1606
01:22:44,417 --> 01:22:46,544
of what it is to be human.

1607
01:22:46,628 --> 01:22:50,548
I followed the path that Stan
forged and explored the darkness

1608
01:22:50,632 --> 01:22:54,052
and the light,
finding beauty in both.

1609
01:22:54,135 --> 01:22:57,389
-This is...
-The tantric imagery

1610
01:22:57,472 --> 01:22:58,890
that drew me to Stan now

1611
01:22:58,973 --> 01:23:02,185
makes up a daily practice
that not just maintains

1612
01:23:02,268 --> 01:23:03,895
but grows
the sense of connection

1613
01:23:03,978 --> 01:23:08,066
I've found
through my psychedelic work.

1614
01:23:08,149 --> 01:23:10,568
What I find amazing
is the parallel

1615
01:23:10,652 --> 01:23:14,072
between what happens
to one's brain on psychedelics

1616
01:23:14,155 --> 01:23:17,242
and what is experienced
in tantric meditation.

1617
01:23:17,325 --> 01:23:21,246
♪♪

1618
01:23:21,329 --> 01:23:23,456
I learned so much from Stan.

1619
01:23:23,540 --> 01:23:26,584
The techniques he developed
and the spiritual grounding

1620
01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:27,919
he provided for them

1621
01:23:28,002 --> 01:23:31,589
hold such promise
for these challenging times.

1622
01:23:31,673 --> 01:23:33,425
May we follow his example

1623
01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:36,761
and begin our own
journeys of discovery.

1624
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:44,561
♪♪

1625
01:23:44,644 --> 01:23:52,110
♪♪

1626
01:23:52,193 --> 01:23:54,779
-One really fundamental
principle of shamanism

1627
01:23:54,863 --> 01:24:00,618
is that everyone is one
and is alive and has spirit.

1628
01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:03,288
-It was indeed
this other reality

1629
01:24:03,371 --> 01:24:06,124
that could be accessed
in different ways,

1630
01:24:06,207 --> 01:24:11,337
and like Stan,
I've come to that conclusion

1631
01:24:11,421 --> 01:24:14,632
that it's all too logical,
really.

1632
01:24:14,716 --> 01:24:17,510
-The energies that people
liberate in themselves

1633
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,597
is just so beautiful to see.

1634
01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:23,808
I mean, we just live up to
I don't know how little

1635
01:24:23,892 --> 01:24:27,103
of our potential
in our normal, everyday life,

1636
01:24:27,187 --> 01:24:32,817
and so seeing people becoming
alive, including myself,

1637
01:24:32,901 --> 01:24:37,655
and awakening is just beautiful.

1638
01:24:37,739 --> 01:24:41,826
-Bringing about any change
in our way of being in the world

1639
01:24:41,910 --> 01:24:45,330
is having some access
to these deep layers,

1640
01:24:45,413 --> 01:24:51,127
and one of the ways
used by all traditions is sound.

1641
01:24:51,211 --> 01:24:56,466
-Those moments that may be
so tragic or so joyful,

1642
01:24:56,549 --> 01:25:00,345
so ecstatic that reside
in the collective,

1643
01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,889
maybe reside in
the collective unconscious,

1644
01:25:02,972 --> 01:25:07,685
they live again through us
in these nonordinary states,

1645
01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:11,981
and again, the practice
of working with the transits,

1646
01:25:12,065 --> 01:25:16,027
of understanding them
through an astrological lens,

1647
01:25:16,110 --> 01:25:17,862
can provide a map

1648
01:25:17,946 --> 01:25:21,366
to see each one of those
experiences through history

1649
01:25:21,449 --> 01:25:26,830
and then how it comes to bear
on our own personal experience.

1650
01:25:26,913 --> 01:25:30,333
-A new concept, a new paradigm
from the ground up,

1651
01:25:30,416 --> 01:25:34,045
what the universe is, who we
are, and where we are going is,

1652
01:25:34,128 --> 01:25:36,881
to me, the key questions,
and they have...

1653
01:25:36,965 --> 01:25:40,218
Basically, it has to be
an integral, integrative answer,

1654
01:25:40,301 --> 01:25:42,762
or if you don't find it,
then it's your fault

1655
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:46,558
because the universe doesn't
work on little bits and pieces.

1656
01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:48,017
It works as a whole.

1657
01:25:48,101 --> 01:25:53,064
-It's not, like, a side effect
of these drugs, you see?

1658
01:25:53,147 --> 01:25:57,402
Like, you say, "Well, they have
these religious experiences"

1659
01:25:57,485 --> 01:26:00,071
because then you're...

1660
01:26:00,154 --> 01:26:03,408
The spiritual dimension
is the core dimension.

1661
01:26:03,491 --> 01:26:04,742
It's the core dimension.

1662
01:26:04,826 --> 01:26:10,248
It's not an add-on
that you can take or leave.

1663
01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:14,252
That changes everything.

1664
01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,920
-People who do some
responsible,

1665
01:26:16,004 --> 01:26:21,050
systematic work with these
powerful experiential methods,

1666
01:26:21,134 --> 01:26:25,430
from some intense spiritual
practice to psychedelics,

1667
01:26:25,513 --> 01:26:28,266
they tend to develop
independently a certain

1668
01:26:28,349 --> 01:26:31,436
kind of worldview
that they share.

1669
01:26:31,519 --> 01:26:33,104
It's the
Buckminster Fuller idea.

1670
01:26:33,187 --> 01:26:34,314
You know, we are on a spaceship.

1671
01:26:34,397 --> 01:26:35,815
We are all in it together,

1672
01:26:35,899 --> 01:26:39,110
and what some of us
do will influence the others.

1673
01:26:39,193 --> 01:26:41,279
There's no way
of isolating that.

1674
01:26:41,362 --> 01:26:43,573
I've seen that
powerful transformation

1675
01:26:43,656 --> 01:26:45,617
happening in individuals.

1676
01:26:45,700 --> 01:26:48,328
Now, whether this is possible
on a large scale

1677
01:26:48,411 --> 01:26:52,957
and whether we have enough time,
that's a different story.

1678
01:26:53,041 --> 01:27:00,757
♪♪