1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:24,417 --> 00:00:25,834 male announcer: The following is a presentation 4 00:00:25,917 --> 00:00:27,917 of HBO Sports. 5 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,750 - As the novel coronavirus continues to spread worldwide 6 00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,542 from its starting point in Wuhan, China... 7 00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:53,417 - 400,000 diagnosed cases of COVID-19 across the globe. 8 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,709 - Another tragic milestone today: 9 00:00:54,792 --> 00:00:56,458 the most reported coronavirus deaths 10 00:00:56,542 --> 00:00:57,959 in a single day... 11 00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:59,667 - Closing almost all businesses... 12 00:00:59,750 --> 00:01:01,208 - Shows a record-shattering 13 00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:03,375 6.6 million Americans filed for unemployment benefits... 14 00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:05,041 - More of the world's biggest sporting contests 15 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:06,542 canceled or postponed. 16 00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:07,750 - Tokyo 2020 organizers 17 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,375 and the International Olympic Committee 18 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:10,917 bowing to global pressure. - The prime minister announced 19 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,417 the 2020 Summer Olympic Games 20 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,166 will be postponed until summer 2021. 21 00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:21,041 - The summer of 2020 was supposed to be the summer 22 00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:23,500 of the Tokyo Olympic and Paralympic Games... 23 00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:29,291 More than 15,000 athletes 24 00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:31,959 from over 200 countries coming together, 25 00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:34,583 all of them eager to realize the dreams 26 00:01:34,667 --> 00:01:36,583 they had chased since they were kids. 27 00:01:38,709 --> 00:01:40,917 The venues were built. 28 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,792 The tickets were sold. 29 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:47,083 The athletes were ready. 30 00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,750 And then... 31 00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:51,709 all of our lives were turned upside down, 32 00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:53,583 and the Olympics were postponed 33 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,417 for the first time ever. 34 00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:03,291 Now, the Games getting delayed pales in comparison 35 00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:05,583 to the tragedies that COVID-19 would cause 36 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,792 all over the world, 37 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:10,959 but the impact wasn't just on people's physical health. 38 00:02:11,041 --> 00:02:14,500 It was also dangerous for our mental health. 39 00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:18,458 Fear, uncertainty, disruption, 40 00:02:18,542 --> 00:02:20,083 isolation: 41 00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:23,500 all of that was very real for millions of people. 42 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:28,125 Mental health was something 43 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:30,333 I had been thinking about a lot 44 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,166 long before the virus hit. 45 00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:35,792 With the 2020 Games approaching, 46 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,667 the first Olympics I wouldn't be a part of 47 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,250 since I was 11 years old, 48 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:43,291 I found myself looking back on the highs and lows 49 00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:47,000 and how close I came to losing it all. 50 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,250 And then when the Games were postponed, 51 00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,500 what I thought about was the mental health 52 00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:54,333 of all the athletes who had worked so hard 53 00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:56,041 and now had to pick up the pieces 54 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:57,667 with everything changed. 55 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,667 We should've all been watching the Olympics together 56 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:07,333 in the summer of 2020, 57 00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,333 but instead, I'd like to tell you 58 00:03:09,417 --> 00:03:11,959 about our journeys to the dream 59 00:03:12,041 --> 00:03:15,333 and how much more there can be to all of our stories, 60 00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:17,125 there and back. 61 00:03:56,917 --> 00:03:59,083 - You broke more than 25 national age group records. 62 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,375 You got the world championship coming up. 63 00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:02,000 What more do you want to accomplish? 64 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,500 - I guess my long-term goal is 65 00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:05,375 to win the gold medal in Athens 66 00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:07,208 and go in more than one event. 67 00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:08,583 So I mean, I have a lot of goals, 68 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:11,959 but I think that I just want to take it day by day. 69 00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:13,542 When you're an Olympian, 70 00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,208 you like to think that your story 71 00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:17,208 is different from all of the others, 72 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,375 but really... 73 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:21,959 - Put your hands together for Jeremy Bloom! 74 00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:24,208 - They all pretty much start the same. 75 00:04:24,291 --> 00:04:26,250 - I want to go to the Olympics 76 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,375 and win a gold medal in skiing. 77 00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:29,750 - My goal is to, like, go to the Olympics, 78 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,583 be on the Olympic team. 79 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:32,792 - And the goal that I wanted to reach 80 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:34,875 was to be at the Olympics 81 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:37,875 and really compete with all the great skaters. 82 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:40,417 - At some point or another, 83 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,375 all of us get this idea in our heads: 84 00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:44,583 we can make it to the Olympics. 85 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,125 - A good run! 86 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,417 - And everything just goes from there. 87 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,083 - I'd always watch the Olympics with my parents, 88 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,625 like, "Wow, this is the highest level there is." 89 00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:54,959 That's how my mom explained it to me. 90 00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:57,125 My parents, my mom and my dad, had sat me down. 91 00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,583 They're like, "This is-- it doesn't get 92 00:04:58,667 --> 00:04:59,667 "any higher than this. 93 00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,542 "This is the Olympics. That's it. 94 00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,291 "These athletes have worked their entire lives 95 00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:04,458 "for this moment, 96 00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:07,291 "and that's why they go to the greatest lengths 97 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,291 to try and win." 98 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,834 I just remember being awestruck by that. 99 00:05:10,917 --> 00:05:13,041 - Growing up in a single-parent household 100 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,625 and having the type of energy that I did, 101 00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:17,792 whether you call it ADHD, 102 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:21,291 you call it, you know, just raw energy 103 00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:23,834 that can't be tapped in any capacity, 104 00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:26,000 the only thing that my dad saw 105 00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:28,542 that could potentially redirect my energy 106 00:05:28,625 --> 00:05:30,458 into something positive was sport, 107 00:05:30,542 --> 00:05:32,083 and he was right. 108 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,792 - Well, I was born and raised in Park City, Utah, 109 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,542 pretty much the Adventure Town, USA. 110 00:05:36,625 --> 00:05:37,834 I started skiing when I was two years old, 111 00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:38,875 which was pretty awesome. 112 00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:39,917 I have pictures of it. 113 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,166 I don't remember my first time skiing, 114 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:44,500 but winter sports has always been kind of my thing. 115 00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,834 - I started skating when I was eight. 116 00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:48,000 We get on the ice, 117 00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:51,208 and I just kind of love it right away. 118 00:05:51,291 --> 00:05:53,000 I didn't perceive myself as being, like, 119 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,000 amazingly talented, 120 00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:56,709 but I was aware that I was better 121 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,709 than, like, some of the other kids, 122 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,875 and it just really rapidly snowballed from there. 123 00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:07,166 - He's called a typical 15-year-old teenager 124 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,375 by his coach, except for one small detail: 125 00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:12,959 Michael Phelps is one of the fastest swimmers 126 00:06:13,041 --> 00:06:14,166 in the world. 127 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,542 - None of us had normal childhoods per se. 128 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:17,917 - 26-0-0. 129 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,959 Boy, that first lap is really good. 130 00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:22,500 - Nobody who is going to expend that kind of effort 131 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,000 to achieve that kind of goal 132 00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:26,542 is going to be just like everybody else. 133 00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:29,000 - I certainly think this is just the beginning. 134 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,500 He's certainly not as strong as he's gonna get, 135 00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:32,542 and we have limited his training, 136 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,542 so it's not even near where he's gonna be. 137 00:06:34,625 --> 00:06:36,208 - Now, there are good sides to that, 138 00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:38,834 and there are bad sides to that. 139 00:06:38,917 --> 00:06:40,542 For me, I don't want to say 140 00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:41,917 I would've done anything differently 141 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,000 if I could do it all over again. 142 00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:46,500 I was competitive. I was hungry. 143 00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:49,041 I loved it. I chose it. 144 00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:50,750 But the truth was that my focus 145 00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:54,250 got incredibly narrow and intense really quickly, 146 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:57,208 which would have ramifications later in life... 147 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,250 - Arms forward. Good, forward. 148 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:02,917 - Even if it wasn't possible to realize that at the time. 149 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,250 - I don't think that's an excuse 150 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:05,750 for not learning a skill. 151 00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:07,250 - I didn't fucking say it was. 152 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,417 - Go ahead, put that on the movie. 153 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,083 - Go ahead! - Put your attitude 154 00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:13,000 of excellence right on there. 155 00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,291 - One... - You think and you operate 156 00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:17,917 as if everything revolves around this sole focus, 157 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,792 and that sole focus is the Olympics. 158 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,625 Everything else is secondary, 159 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:25,250 so your relationships, your school, 160 00:07:25,333 --> 00:07:28,125 your family, your other friends, 161 00:07:28,208 --> 00:07:30,417 everything that's not catered 162 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,125 to you performing at the highest level in sport, 163 00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:35,125 it's a nonstarter conversation. 164 00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,917 - 13-year-old Sasha Cohen. 165 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,291 - For me, it wasn't a sacrifice. 166 00:07:40,375 --> 00:07:42,291 Everything else in life was an obstacle 167 00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:43,917 that I wanted to push aside. 168 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,166 I didn't want to spend time with friends. 169 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,625 I didn't want to go to school. 170 00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:49,458 I wanted to do everything I could 171 00:07:49,542 --> 00:07:51,542 to be the best skater I could. 172 00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:54,291 - It's more of, like, a lifestyle. 173 00:07:54,375 --> 00:07:55,417 It's how I lived. 174 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,750 Any little step I could take, 175 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,500 anything to get the edge or advantage 176 00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:00,959 over my competitors and to win. 177 00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:04,166 My world was based on that for sure. 178 00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:06,291 - I went five or six years straight, 179 00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,458 365 days a year. 180 00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:10,667 The difference between great and good: 181 00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:13,625 I think the greats do things when they don't always want to, 182 00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:15,625 and I think that's what makes them great. 183 00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:17,000 I looked up to Jordan forever. 184 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:18,959 That guy probably didn't want to play basketball every day. 185 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,291 He's the GOAT. 186 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,375 Peyton, he didn't have to study film 187 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:25,208 for thousands and thousands of hours. 188 00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:27,125 He did it because he wanted to be great. 189 00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,625 - Up! Good. 190 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:32,417 - When I graduated high school, I remember working out 191 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,875 like crazy 192 00:08:33,959 --> 00:08:35,333 because I wanted to be an athlete. 193 00:08:35,417 --> 00:08:37,667 Everyone's like, "Oh, my gosh, you work out so much," 194 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,375 and I was like, "It's nothing compared to the Olympians." 195 00:08:41,709 --> 00:08:44,000 When I first got into skeleton, 196 00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,500 I ended up on my own at 16, 197 00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:48,792 being offered a free place to live, food, 198 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,125 and a potential scholarship 199 00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:52,917 for whatever school I could try to get to. 200 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,166 Was not really a hard choice-- 201 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:57,750 go to the Olympics or go to college-- 202 00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:03,375 and I basically chose sport over academics. 203 00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:05,417 I started winning everything. 204 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,583 It was addicting. It was fun. 205 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,125 I just got sucked in. 206 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,542 - I didn't develop outside interests. 207 00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:16,250 I had a very singular focus on my sport 208 00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:17,709 and on figure skating. 209 00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:20,000 It was like a compulsion. It was necessary. 210 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:22,375 - Most of my career, 211 00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:26,709 I was driven purely by a fear of failure, 212 00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,542 so, unlike a lot of athletes 213 00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,834 who are driven by "I want to win, 214 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:32,333 I want to be the champion," 215 00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:33,375 I was driven purely 216 00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,542 that I felt that I was inadequate. 217 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,500 I wasn't the best guy on the ice. 218 00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:41,583 I wasn't the guy who was the most talented genetically, 219 00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,208 physically gifted. 220 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,375 I could probably say I was the hardest worker, 221 00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:49,166 and I did the most amount of time in the sport, 222 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,959 because of my obsession with "it wasn't good enough." 223 00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:53,875 Every day wasn't good enough. 224 00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:56,125 For 15 years, I lived that life. 225 00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:58,125 It was like, "I have to be here, 226 00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:00,417 "because there's someone else on the other side of the world 227 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,291 "who's younger than me, that's better than me, 228 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:04,875 "that just overall is superior to me 229 00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:05,959 "in every single capacity, 230 00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:08,041 so I have to find a way to win." 231 00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,417 - After all that time you put in-- 232 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:24,792 the early mornings, 233 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,625 the countless laps in the pool or around the track 234 00:10:27,709 --> 00:10:29,959 or rink or whatever-- 235 00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,625 when you finally go to an Olympics, 236 00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:33,458 I think the only word that you can use 237 00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:34,959 to describe it 238 00:10:35,041 --> 00:10:37,125 is "overwhelming." 239 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:40,458 You've basically been training your whole life 240 00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,125 for this one moment, 241 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,458 and you know it's not coming around again 242 00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:46,917 for another four years, if ever. 243 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,959 That's absolutely all in your head. 244 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,250 And then throw in the fact that it's all unfolding 245 00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:55,834 in front of the entire world? 246 00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:57,917 Like I said, overwhelming. 247 00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,083 - First Olympics, I was extremely nervous. 248 00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,417 It met my expectations in the fact 249 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,000 that I knew it was the biggest stage 250 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,667 that I would perform in my life, 251 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,500 and just those overwhelming emotions 252 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:15,000 and just completely was an amazing experience. 253 00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:16,834 You felt like everything was special, 254 00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:18,667 and you're trying to take it all in. 255 00:11:18,750 --> 00:11:20,709 As a track and field athlete, I had no clue if I'd ever make 256 00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:22,000 another Olympic team. 257 00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,875 Most track and field athletes only make one team, 258 00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:27,500 so I just wanted to make the most of the experience. 259 00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,500 - My first Olympics, 260 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,041 I was 19 and the number one ranked skier in the world, 261 00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:36,333 and, you know, "Sports Illustrated" 262 00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:38,000 picked me to win the Olympic gold, 263 00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:39,208 and I was beyond nervous. 264 00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:41,000 I mean, it was paralyzing. 265 00:11:42,458 --> 00:11:43,625 - It's a whirlwind. 266 00:11:43,709 --> 00:11:45,667 It's nothing like any competition 267 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,709 I'd ever been to before. 268 00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,208 It was inspiring; it was amazing 269 00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:51,917 to sit with all these other athletes 270 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,000 around the world and, like, eat your breakfast. 271 00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:57,041 I mean, it was just like this glow, 272 00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:59,333 this sort of vibe while you were there. 273 00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:02,375 - It completely blew my mind. 274 00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:05,333 Flags from every country. 275 00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:09,375 There was so much excitement and buzz. 276 00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:10,667 It was on no other level 277 00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:13,208 that I can compare to anything in my life. 278 00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:24,375 You get on an Olympic venue bus, 279 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:28,709 and you go to the arena to compete, 280 00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:31,917 and you have this kind of epiphany 281 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,750 that, when you get back on this bus again tonight, 282 00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:37,750 like, your fate will have been sealed. 283 00:12:40,458 --> 00:12:42,083 Something will be written into history 284 00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:44,834 that can never be unwritten or rewritten. 285 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,083 And it's just a bus ride, 286 00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:51,792 but it's like, the enormity of it is huge. 287 00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:53,417 - It's all they've done 288 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,625 for the past ten years, and now, 289 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:59,959 for the next 40 seconds of our human lives, 290 00:13:00,041 --> 00:13:03,083 this moment will dictate 291 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:07,417 whether they have a gold... 292 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,500 or not. 293 00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:18,625 - Phelps, the greatest of all time, iconic figure, 294 00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:21,291 writes his way into the history books 295 00:13:21,375 --> 00:13:22,792 yet again. 296 00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:24,667 - So then it's over. 297 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:27,125 - Steve Holcomb has raced for gold! 298 00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:28,792 - And however it ends... 299 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,959 - There will be no medals of any color for Jeremy Bloom. 300 00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:35,333 - The bigger point is that it's over, 301 00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:38,959 everything you've worked for in the rearview mirror, 302 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,166 and reckoning with that 303 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,458 is something that unites all Olympians, 304 00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:45,166 whether you ended up on top of the podium... 305 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,417 or in total disbelief. 306 00:13:49,041 --> 00:13:50,834 - Oh, that's a foul. 307 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,000 - I fell twice in the first 30 seconds 308 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,250 of my long program. 309 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,875 - And another step out. 310 00:13:57,959 --> 00:14:01,792 - I was shell-shocked. I was devastated. 311 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,375 I was just, like, stunned. 312 00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:10,625 And not only are you having all these feelings, 313 00:14:10,709 --> 00:14:13,041 but you are having all these feelings 314 00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:17,166 while the entire world is singularly focused on you. 315 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:22,375 And you hear with every fall just a... 316 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:23,875 "Oh," 317 00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:25,834 or, like, just, like, the hush. 318 00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:29,041 You already have all those feelings, 319 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:30,083 and then this, like-- 320 00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:31,709 the most dramatic sound effects 321 00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:34,542 that are, like, laid down, the soundtrack 322 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:38,250 to this, like, devastating 30 seconds of your life. 323 00:14:41,041 --> 00:14:42,709 This was my Olympics, you know. 324 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:47,041 It was not the performance I wanted to give, 325 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:50,208 but I ended up with a silver medal. 326 00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:54,041 It's very hard to know what you're capable of, 327 00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:58,750 and sometimes circumstances in life happen, 328 00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:00,375 and you have to do the best you can, 329 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:03,250 and sometimes timing sucks, right? 330 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:07,917 - Unless you're an Olympic athlete, 331 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,709 it's difficult to understand, 332 00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,208 when you fail at the Olympics, 333 00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,333 what a big deal that is. 334 00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:15,333 From an outside perspective, you could say, "Oh, big deal. 335 00:15:15,417 --> 00:15:16,333 "You're an Olympian. 336 00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:18,375 Like, people have bigger problems," 337 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:19,834 and that is true, 338 00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,083 but for Olympians, 339 00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:23,417 that's your life. 340 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,625 That's really what defines you. 341 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,250 - In that 2002 Olympic 500-meter final 342 00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:32,417 in men's long track, 343 00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:34,083 the difference between gold medal, 344 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:37,208 recognized, celebrated, and fourth place 345 00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:38,291 is this difference. 346 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:43,041 Four guys just went by in that time frame, 347 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,709 and you worked an entire lifetime for that. 348 00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:47,417 The difference is, 349 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:51,709 the guy who won, we celebrate; we look to; we love. 350 00:15:51,792 --> 00:15:54,125 The guy in fourth, you never hear from that person. 351 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:56,125 He disappears. He dissipates. 352 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:59,250 He becomes a civilian. 353 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,458 It's gold and then what? 354 00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:06,458 - So with all the hype surrounding Bode Miller 355 00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:08,125 coming in here to possibly medal 356 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:10,250 in all five events, 357 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:13,000 he will not have a medal at all. 358 00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:14,166 - Mainstream media, 359 00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:15,959 especially in America but really everywhere, 360 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,625 they love that feeling of building somebody up 361 00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,291 because that gives them control over the situation. 362 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,125 You know, they pump them up, pump up expectations, 363 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:26,417 and then it's good news, it's good content 364 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,333 if they can chop their legs out from under them 365 00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,458 and see a hero come crashing down. 366 00:16:30,542 --> 00:16:31,667 It's good for everybody's ego. 367 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,125 Everybody likes to read about that stuff. 368 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,750 - This just in, ladies and gentlemen: 369 00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:37,667 Bode Miller has just tested negative 370 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,083 for gold medals. 371 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,875 - And then to build them back up, 372 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,709 then you have this underdog, 373 00:16:43,792 --> 00:16:45,291 the hero reborn. 374 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:48,834 There's just a lot of natural flow to that pattern. 375 00:16:48,917 --> 00:16:50,458 - Bode Miller, everybody! 376 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,041 - I've gone through it enough times 377 00:16:54,125 --> 00:16:56,834 to know what it looks like from the inside. 378 00:16:56,917 --> 00:16:58,125 - Check that out. 379 00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:01,667 - In '05 when I won the overall, 380 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:02,875 I was the golden boy, 381 00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,208 and even though I was rebellious 382 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:08,083 and they knew my patterns, they knew all my stuff-- 383 00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:10,709 wasn't like I wasn't having fun or partying 384 00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:12,625 or going out-- they sort of covered it up 385 00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:14,542 and made it so they could refine 386 00:17:14,625 --> 00:17:16,166 the picture of the hero on the top, 387 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,834 and then they were setting it up 388 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:20,125 so that if I did well, they'd have something else 389 00:17:20,208 --> 00:17:21,542 in the Olympics, and instead, 390 00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,250 I didn't do as well as I could've, 391 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,000 and they cut the legs out. 392 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:28,041 - Bode Miller is 0 for 5. 393 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,208 - Failing to do well in races always sucks. 394 00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:31,709 I mean, it was my life, 395 00:17:31,792 --> 00:17:33,542 and I had a huge opportunity there, 396 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:35,583 and, you know, that just is annoying 397 00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:36,709 from a personal standpoint. 398 00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:38,875 I think every athlete would relate to that. 399 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:44,250 - I was running the best races of my life, 400 00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,709 the best times of my life. 401 00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:48,542 And I hit one hurdle, 402 00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:51,041 and it cost me the Olympic gold medal. 403 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,417 - Lolo Jones has the lead, 404 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:53,417 but she hit the hurdle. 405 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,417 She hit hurdle number nine, 406 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,041 the next-to-last hurdle. 407 00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:58,542 Lolo Jones hit the hurdle 408 00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:01,333 and did not get a medal. 409 00:18:01,417 --> 00:18:03,542 - In my life, 410 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:07,041 I've probably hit a hurdle three times. 411 00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:11,250 I'm talking about training, races, practices. 412 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,917 And now I'm known as a girl who hits hurdles. 413 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,166 - She looked to have the gold in her pocket. 414 00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,875 - I got ripped across the media, 415 00:18:19,959 --> 00:18:21,417 like, "Oh, she had all these sponsors. 416 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,792 How could she not medal?" 417 00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:25,583 Like, "She's such a freaking flop." 418 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:27,542 It was so overwhelming, 419 00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:29,625 and I had no one to talk to. 420 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,583 I would be washing dishes, 421 00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:34,375 like, months later, and I'd think about it, 422 00:18:34,458 --> 00:18:35,917 and I'd literally be frozen, 423 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,083 like, "What could I have done differently?" 424 00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:41,709 I'd be walking in the grocery store, 425 00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:43,917 day's going fine, and then someone would come up to me: 426 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,750 "Oh, I feel so bad for what happened." 427 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,625 - It was painful to see my family's reaction to it, 428 00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:50,959 what they had to go through. 429 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:52,125 I think that's what hurt the most 430 00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:55,750 was seeing my image tarnished in their eyes, 431 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:57,959 that I shouldn't be allowed back in the country, 432 00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,000 that I was, you know, 433 00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:02,750 the most disgraceful Olympic athlete ever 434 00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,667 in the history of the world. 435 00:19:06,375 --> 00:19:09,917 Your Q rating is where they tell 1,000 people your name. 436 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,041 Do they recognize the name? 437 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:13,166 Do they have a favorable or an unfavorable opinion 438 00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,125 of your brand or your name? 439 00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:18,166 My Q rating was lower than Mike Tyson, who had... 440 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:20,125 - What happened here? - Bit off Holyfield's ear 441 00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:21,709 or O.J. Simpson, who at the time 442 00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:25,458 had a double murder and ran. 443 00:19:25,542 --> 00:19:27,125 - Could you imagine? 444 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,458 Like, let's say you get a divorce 445 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,166 and then everywhere you go in public, 446 00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,834 someone's like, "Oh, I feel so bad for you. 447 00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:33,166 I heard you got that divorce." 448 00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,166 Happened so many times, 449 00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:38,542 and I had no one to help me through that. 450 00:19:51,083 --> 00:19:53,166 - It's nice to get home. 451 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:55,125 The celebration kind of continues. 452 00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:59,500 People are so happy. They're so proud. 453 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:03,166 They show their support. 454 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,000 - The fans lined York Road for hours, 455 00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,875 ready to get an up-close look 456 00:20:06,959 --> 00:20:08,375 at their hometown heroes. 457 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,458 - He's adorable! - Look at the face. 458 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,208 - I want to be just like him. 459 00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,709 - And then it kind of dies down. 460 00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:19,375 Then you basically get in that part 461 00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:20,709 where you're either like, 462 00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:22,041 "Am I gonna put myself through this 463 00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,041 "for four more years, 464 00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,875 or am I gonna find something else to do?" 465 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:30,417 And we're lost. 466 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,208 I think that's where a lot of it really comes from 467 00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:34,542 is, we're just so lost, 'cause we spent four years 468 00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:38,000 grinding for that one moment, 469 00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:41,208 and now we don't know what the hell to do. 470 00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:43,166 I think it's probably safe to say 471 00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,083 that a good 80%, maybe more, 472 00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:49,208 go through some kind of post-Olympic depression. 473 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,250 - After the Olympics, 474 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,667 the village doors close, 475 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,625 and then that's kind of it. 476 00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:01,417 So all the media's gone. 477 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,417 All the exposure's gone. 478 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,250 Before the 2008 Games, 479 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,000 I remember one of the coaches 480 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:09,750 specifically on the dive team. 481 00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,750 This was my first Olympic Games, 482 00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:14,458 something I'd dreamed of since I was seven years old, 483 00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,750 and he had said, "Don't be surprised 484 00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:19,750 after the Olympics for the post-Olympic blues." 485 00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:25,500 I was 19, and I was like, 486 00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:27,250 "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I'm better 487 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,917 than that happening." 488 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,083 - After every Olympics, win or lose, 489 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,792 I felt, like, a dramatic emptiness, 490 00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:39,583 just because your whole world is built around this one day 491 00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:41,250 and you're putting so much on it, 492 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,125 so much expectation and pressure 493 00:21:43,208 --> 00:21:44,959 and interviews and, 494 00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,166 "What am I gonna do next?" 495 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:49,458 And you're plotting out this course of your life. 496 00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,667 After every Olympics, there's this incredible crash. 497 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:57,125 Nothing really matters as much anymore. 498 00:21:57,208 --> 00:21:58,917 Like, "Oh, I guess I can stay up all night, 499 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,291 "'cause we're not competing. 500 00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:04,000 You know, I guess I'll have an extra slice of cheesecake." 501 00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:15,333 I remember trying to compete after the Olympics, and... 502 00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,667 it was awful. 503 00:22:16,750 --> 00:22:19,291 I had no motivation. 504 00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:22,000 Like, well, what does this matter? 505 00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:23,542 Like, what is this compared to the magnitude 506 00:22:23,625 --> 00:22:25,625 of what I had just accomplished? 507 00:22:27,125 --> 00:22:28,709 Just like anybody, if you travel the world 508 00:22:28,792 --> 00:22:30,834 with a bunch of friends, like, leaving summer camp, 509 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:32,291 whatever, you come home, and you're like, 510 00:22:32,375 --> 00:22:35,750 "Wow." 511 00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:38,667 "Now what?" 512 00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,834 Like, it's just, like, quiet, 513 00:22:40,917 --> 00:22:42,208 and then you kind of feel like, 514 00:22:42,291 --> 00:22:43,333 "Well, what did I do wrong? 515 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:46,667 "Like...what happened? Is it--like... 516 00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:49,417 where did everyone go?" You know? 517 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:50,667 Like, you're happy to be home, 518 00:22:50,750 --> 00:22:54,083 but it's just this, like, isolated, cut-off feeling. 519 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,667 - Why do you think so many of the athletes get depressed 520 00:22:57,750 --> 00:22:59,834 when they come home from the Olympics? 521 00:22:59,917 --> 00:23:02,041 - I think it's something that all human beings 522 00:23:02,125 --> 00:23:03,709 are susceptible to, 523 00:23:03,792 --> 00:23:06,333 and with athletes, it's even more so, I think, 524 00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:08,709 because we have such a great ability 525 00:23:08,792 --> 00:23:10,375 to hyper-focus. 526 00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:13,041 So if you are incentivized and you're focused on winning 527 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,875 or you're focused on being the best you can 528 00:23:14,959 --> 00:23:16,542 at this one thing 529 00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:18,834 and you're putting all you have into that 530 00:23:18,917 --> 00:23:20,667 without any other balance, 531 00:23:20,750 --> 00:23:21,875 when that ends 532 00:23:21,959 --> 00:23:24,500 and then you're out of the fight-or-flight mode 533 00:23:24,583 --> 00:23:26,875 of, like, "I have to perform, I have to perform," 534 00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:28,208 you get left wondering, like, 535 00:23:28,291 --> 00:23:29,875 what do you do with your energy? 536 00:23:29,959 --> 00:23:33,875 I feel like we forgot about how human Olympians are 537 00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:36,875 and the needs we need as human beings. 538 00:23:36,959 --> 00:23:38,834 It's not about winning. It's not about performance. 539 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:41,250 Granted, that would-- that's all great, 540 00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,709 but what about our mental health? 541 00:23:42,792 --> 00:23:45,291 What about our families? What about our education? 542 00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,959 What about after sport? 543 00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:49,750 And when you've spent all this time 544 00:23:49,834 --> 00:23:51,166 and it ends, 545 00:23:51,250 --> 00:23:53,834 it'd be really hard not to become depressed. 546 00:23:55,375 --> 00:23:57,875 - Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Shaun White! 547 00:24:00,375 --> 00:24:03,583 - So many things change after an Olympics, 548 00:24:03,667 --> 00:24:04,917 and the better you do, 549 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,583 the more famous you become... 550 00:24:06,667 --> 00:24:08,417 - Sasha, let's see that smile! 551 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:10,083 - And the more your life changes. 552 00:24:10,166 --> 00:24:13,959 - Your two-time Olympian Lolo Jones. 553 00:24:14,041 --> 00:24:16,542 - And look at me. Beauty. 554 00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:20,000 - But even if you become one of the success stories, 555 00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:21,583 it all comes with a catch. 556 00:24:25,208 --> 00:24:27,959 Because if your whole life was about building up 557 00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:31,291 to one race, one performance, 558 00:24:31,375 --> 00:24:33,166 or one event, 559 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:34,417 how does that sustain 560 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,750 everything that comes afterwards? 561 00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:39,458 Sure, you can chase it again. 562 00:24:39,542 --> 00:24:42,500 Just go back to the grind for another four years. 563 00:24:42,583 --> 00:24:45,458 But ultimately, that doesn't sustain. 564 00:24:47,208 --> 00:24:50,166 And eventually-- for me, at least-- 565 00:24:50,250 --> 00:24:51,667 there was one question 566 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:54,083 that hit me like a ton of bricks. 567 00:24:58,083 --> 00:25:01,000 Who was I outside of the swimming pool? 568 00:25:03,583 --> 00:25:06,667 - We are Olympic athletes, 569 00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:08,333 and we're not really sure 570 00:25:08,417 --> 00:25:10,792 if we're anything else. 571 00:25:10,875 --> 00:25:14,041 I think the die-hard skating fans 572 00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:16,583 or Olympic fans will always recognize you 573 00:25:16,667 --> 00:25:17,792 if you walk down the street, 574 00:25:17,875 --> 00:25:20,125 you know, even if it's ten years later, 575 00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:24,417 because you were such a big part of their life 576 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:27,166 and they're such passionate Olympic fans, 577 00:25:27,250 --> 00:25:30,625 but I think, for most of the public, 578 00:25:30,709 --> 00:25:32,458 you know, they've got very busy lives. 579 00:25:32,542 --> 00:25:33,875 They, like, tune in, they're excited, 580 00:25:33,959 --> 00:25:37,625 they cheer, and then they kind of forget, you know? 581 00:25:37,709 --> 00:25:41,208 I'd say one Olympic cycle out from your Olympics, 582 00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:45,375 you're pretty far removed. 583 00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:50,041 - I don't think a lot of athletes understand 584 00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,417 that there's always a whole line of people 585 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:55,875 waiting to be the next one. 586 00:25:55,959 --> 00:25:57,834 You know, at the time, they think they're irreplaceable, 587 00:25:57,917 --> 00:25:59,458 that they're breaking records, they're, 588 00:25:59,542 --> 00:26:00,542 you know, making all the money, 589 00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,166 they're getting praise from everybody, 590 00:26:02,250 --> 00:26:04,667 and then when they retire, they expect it to really be 591 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:06,000 like the sport misses them 592 00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:08,375 and like, "Oh, man, like, there they go," 593 00:26:08,458 --> 00:26:10,375 and in reality, it's like, "Bye," 594 00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:12,375 and then there's, like-- the new dude 595 00:26:12,458 --> 00:26:14,875 basically rolls in. 596 00:26:14,959 --> 00:26:17,834 I think that, from an ego standpoint, 597 00:26:17,917 --> 00:26:19,417 hurts a lot of athletes' feelings 598 00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:22,875 and hurts their emotional stability. 599 00:26:22,959 --> 00:26:25,250 - It's almost like a conveyor belt of athletes, 600 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:26,750 that, like, you're doing really well, 601 00:26:26,834 --> 00:26:28,625 you're doing really well, they keep you healthy, 602 00:26:28,709 --> 00:26:31,417 but, like, when you're done, you're off the conveyor belt. 603 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:32,917 Like, that's--they just have new athletes 604 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,291 from every sport 605 00:26:34,375 --> 00:26:36,083 coming in all the time. 606 00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:40,375 - When you're a younger athlete, 607 00:26:40,458 --> 00:26:41,500 they love you. 608 00:26:41,583 --> 00:26:42,959 You're the new, fresh face. 609 00:26:43,041 --> 00:26:44,208 They want to promote you. 610 00:26:44,291 --> 00:26:45,583 They want to put you out there. 611 00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:47,917 They want everybody to fall in love with you. 612 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,750 But after you've been to a few Olympics, 613 00:26:49,834 --> 00:26:51,458 you know, you'll see, 614 00:26:51,542 --> 00:26:52,959 it kind of weans out. 615 00:26:53,041 --> 00:26:56,125 - You are in the business of... 616 00:26:56,208 --> 00:26:59,709 finding the latest and the greatest athletes, 617 00:26:59,792 --> 00:27:02,291 extracting the best performance out of them, 618 00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:03,792 and then going back to the trough 619 00:27:03,875 --> 00:27:05,375 to look for the latest and greatest athletes 620 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:08,083 and doing it over again, time and time again. 621 00:27:08,166 --> 00:27:11,291 - It's so funny, because... 622 00:27:11,375 --> 00:27:12,792 The longer you're here, 623 00:27:12,875 --> 00:27:14,834 you just--you're like, "Oh, that's my replacement." 624 00:27:14,917 --> 00:27:16,500 "We got Sydney McLaughlin: 625 00:27:16,583 --> 00:27:18,583 "19 years old, marketable. 626 00:27:18,667 --> 00:27:20,041 "Social media's on fire. 627 00:27:20,125 --> 00:27:21,750 "And, Lolo, that's your exit. 628 00:27:21,834 --> 00:27:23,959 Please go right." 629 00:27:24,041 --> 00:27:24,959 Motherfucker. 630 00:27:28,417 --> 00:27:30,917 - Think the system is set up for high turnover, 631 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,959 one, and two, the manner in which 632 00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:37,250 the funds and services are distributed 633 00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:38,834 are incentivized. 634 00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:40,291 - Big drive. Nice. 635 00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:42,333 - So if you're a federation that can win medals, 636 00:27:42,417 --> 00:27:43,792 you get funding; if you're not, you get cut, 637 00:27:43,875 --> 00:27:45,792 not just the federation's funding 638 00:27:45,875 --> 00:27:47,834 but also the salaries and the coaching, 639 00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:50,166 so it's hard, I think, for those people, then, 640 00:27:50,250 --> 00:27:52,667 to see the athletes as individuals. 641 00:27:54,083 --> 00:27:55,333 - Oh! Ooh. 642 00:27:56,917 --> 00:27:58,667 - The reality of funding for athletes 643 00:27:58,750 --> 00:28:01,834 in this country might surprise you. 644 00:28:01,917 --> 00:28:04,834 Stipends for training are minimal, 645 00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,542 and so most Olympic hopefuls just try to stay afloat 646 00:28:07,625 --> 00:28:09,500 while chasing their dream. 647 00:28:09,583 --> 00:28:12,542 Like, for every athlete with a sponsor, 648 00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:15,291 there are hundreds who need to take a second job 649 00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:17,542 just to make ends meet while they train. 650 00:28:18,917 --> 00:28:21,834 - I grew up watching the '96 Atlanta Olympics, 651 00:28:21,917 --> 00:28:24,709 and I've watched the, you know, gymnastics team, 652 00:28:24,792 --> 00:28:26,333 and you had the track and field athletes 653 00:28:26,417 --> 00:28:28,166 in all this glory. 654 00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:29,959 They're on every cover of every magazine, 655 00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:31,542 and you're thinking, 656 00:28:31,625 --> 00:28:33,709 "They're financially stable. They have to be, right?" 657 00:28:33,792 --> 00:28:36,834 And then fast-forward to my future, 658 00:28:36,917 --> 00:28:38,709 me trying to be an Olympic athlete, 659 00:28:38,792 --> 00:28:42,041 and I'm living off of $7,000 a year. 660 00:28:42,125 --> 00:28:44,208 - The whole thought that going to the Olympics, 661 00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,041 and especially if you win a medal, 662 00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:48,166 sets you up for life 663 00:28:48,250 --> 00:28:51,041 is such horseshit. 664 00:28:51,125 --> 00:28:52,709 - Even if you're in a marquee sport 665 00:28:52,792 --> 00:28:54,375 and you do so well, 666 00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:56,375 you have a limited window 667 00:28:56,458 --> 00:28:58,583 to capitalize on 668 00:28:58,667 --> 00:29:01,709 and to pay back training bills, 669 00:29:01,792 --> 00:29:04,542 and, you know, try to earn some money, 670 00:29:04,625 --> 00:29:07,417 but for most athletes, there's no money. 671 00:29:07,500 --> 00:29:09,041 There's no money at all. 672 00:29:09,125 --> 00:29:10,583 - Let's only talk about Olympic athletes 673 00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:12,125 from the United States. 674 00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:13,667 How many golds do you have? 675 00:29:13,750 --> 00:29:15,417 Because if you're silver, you're not making money. 676 00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:16,542 You're bronze, you're not making money. 677 00:29:16,625 --> 00:29:17,542 You didn't medal? 678 00:29:17,625 --> 00:29:19,500 I don't even know your name, pal. 679 00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:21,583 Go back to the end of the line, okay? 680 00:29:21,667 --> 00:29:23,250 Out of the gold medals, 681 00:29:23,333 --> 00:29:25,917 how many of those are actually being concentrated on 682 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,208 by corporate America to be hired 683 00:29:27,291 --> 00:29:29,208 by speaking engagements or sponsorships? 684 00:29:29,291 --> 00:29:31,417 You got such a small amount of people 685 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:33,583 who are actually making money, 686 00:29:33,667 --> 00:29:35,875 and that moneymaking opportunity 687 00:29:35,959 --> 00:29:37,417 has a life cycle... 688 00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:39,458 Lettuce, tomato, jalapeño peppers. 689 00:29:39,542 --> 00:29:40,583 You gotta try it. 690 00:29:40,667 --> 00:29:42,542 I would say on average, 691 00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:44,375 unless your family is funding you 692 00:29:44,458 --> 00:29:45,792 throughout this process, 693 00:29:45,875 --> 00:29:47,917 which many do, 694 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,041 you are in debt every single year you compete, 695 00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:53,667 even with the amount that you make. 696 00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:57,667 - I'm in huge debt. 697 00:29:57,750 --> 00:30:00,125 In the last quad, I had to fund myself. 698 00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:01,625 I had a small stipend, 699 00:30:01,709 --> 00:30:03,083 but it's not sufficient. 700 00:30:03,166 --> 00:30:05,125 Like, $750 a month, 701 00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:06,750 $1,250 a month. 702 00:30:06,834 --> 00:30:09,625 - I've had years where I can make a killing, 703 00:30:09,709 --> 00:30:12,333 and then I've had years where--I mean, bobsled, 704 00:30:12,417 --> 00:30:15,250 my check was $725 for the whole season. 705 00:30:15,333 --> 00:30:16,834 Tell me how I live off of that. 706 00:30:18,208 --> 00:30:19,375 As an Olympic athlete, 707 00:30:19,458 --> 00:30:22,000 so I've been a hostess at a restaurant. 708 00:30:22,083 --> 00:30:24,458 I was--I worked at Home Depot. 709 00:30:24,542 --> 00:30:25,542 I think it was the most shocking 710 00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:27,375 when I was working at the gym 711 00:30:27,458 --> 00:30:30,792 and I was making smoothies for people 712 00:30:30,875 --> 00:30:35,125 and my track race played... 713 00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:36,959 and I'm literally making somebody a smoothie, 714 00:30:37,041 --> 00:30:40,500 and they're like, "Is that you? Like, why are..." 715 00:30:40,583 --> 00:30:41,834 They couldn't get it. 716 00:30:41,917 --> 00:30:43,000 Like, do you see, like, 717 00:30:43,083 --> 00:30:44,959 any football player go compete 718 00:30:45,041 --> 00:30:46,500 and then they're making smoothies 719 00:30:46,583 --> 00:30:48,875 for people at a gym for $7 an hour? 720 00:30:53,125 --> 00:30:55,000 - I'll say I've been extremely fortunate 721 00:30:55,083 --> 00:30:56,667 to have a lot of support, 722 00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,000 have a lot of sponsors. 723 00:30:58,083 --> 00:31:00,333 If you're on the national team for swimming, 724 00:31:00,417 --> 00:31:02,917 you get $1,700 a month. 725 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,667 That's supposed to get you through... 726 00:31:05,750 --> 00:31:11,667 training expenses, so travel, living expenses, 727 00:31:11,750 --> 00:31:15,667 eating, car--all of the stuff. 728 00:31:15,750 --> 00:31:16,834 It's hard. 729 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,375 I mean, if that's the only thing that you have, 730 00:31:19,458 --> 00:31:22,250 it's almost impossible. 731 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,083 - For me, I think I was most scared after this year 732 00:31:27,166 --> 00:31:28,750 and I didn't make the team 733 00:31:28,834 --> 00:31:31,000 and literally got an email 734 00:31:31,083 --> 00:31:34,834 saying my health insurance was gonna be cut a month later, 735 00:31:34,917 --> 00:31:37,250 and I was like, "Are you kidding me?" 736 00:31:38,917 --> 00:31:41,583 - When your financial security is so closely linked 737 00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:43,542 to your success, 738 00:31:43,625 --> 00:31:47,375 the pressure to perform adds up. 739 00:31:47,458 --> 00:31:48,875 That pressure is just something else 740 00:31:48,959 --> 00:31:52,250 that can take a toll on your mental health. 741 00:31:52,333 --> 00:31:54,208 - USA bobsled and the U.S. Olympic Committee 742 00:31:54,291 --> 00:31:55,375 came to me, and it was like, 743 00:31:55,458 --> 00:31:57,166 "Hey, look, you've never actually won 744 00:31:57,250 --> 00:31:59,083 "any sort of medal in bobsledding yet. 745 00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:01,417 "You're USA-1; you're our top driver 746 00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,375 "going into this next season. 747 00:32:03,458 --> 00:32:04,625 "We really need you to do well. 748 00:32:04,709 --> 00:32:06,750 If not, like, we just can't support you." 749 00:32:06,834 --> 00:32:09,625 All of a sudden now the entire weight of... 750 00:32:09,709 --> 00:32:11,583 the program is on my shoulders. 751 00:32:11,667 --> 00:32:14,166 I'd better do well. 752 00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:17,083 - Katie Uhlaender from the United States, 753 00:32:17,166 --> 00:32:18,750 24 years old, 754 00:32:18,834 --> 00:32:20,917 out of Breckenridge, Colorado, the two-time... 755 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,709 - 2008, when my father was diagnosed with cancer 756 00:32:23,792 --> 00:32:25,583 and I went on tour-- 757 00:32:25,667 --> 00:32:27,417 which for skeleton, when we go on tour, 758 00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:28,458 it's six months. 759 00:32:28,542 --> 00:32:31,917 You are on the road from October until April. 760 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,750 My dad understood, and he told me to go compete 761 00:32:34,834 --> 00:32:36,375 while he was sick. 762 00:32:36,458 --> 00:32:38,625 But I got these emails from my mom 763 00:32:38,709 --> 00:32:39,917 saying he was not doing well; 764 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,291 like, I needed to come home. 765 00:32:42,375 --> 00:32:46,333 I, like, turned to my coach every time, and I said, 766 00:32:46,417 --> 00:32:49,792 "I think I might need to go home," 767 00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:52,291 and he said, "We can't." 768 00:32:52,375 --> 00:32:53,458 And I said, "Why?" 769 00:32:53,542 --> 00:32:56,000 And he goes, "'Cause you're the only one we have. 770 00:32:56,083 --> 00:32:58,291 We need you to make-- to get medals." 771 00:32:58,375 --> 00:32:59,667 - Here she comes, 772 00:32:59,750 --> 00:33:01,959 rocketing into 12th. 773 00:33:02,041 --> 00:33:03,083 - So the first time, 774 00:33:03,166 --> 00:33:05,583 I kind of, like, didn't respond, 775 00:33:05,667 --> 00:33:07,083 but then when I got the second email 776 00:33:07,166 --> 00:33:09,792 from my mom saying he wasn't gonna make it... 777 00:33:09,875 --> 00:33:12,959 I asked again. 778 00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:20,500 And he gave me the same answer. 779 00:33:25,083 --> 00:33:28,667 And...it's really difficult in that situation, 780 00:33:28,750 --> 00:33:30,667 'cause I love the sport, my father understood, 781 00:33:30,750 --> 00:33:32,709 but I wanted to go home, 782 00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:34,709 and it was just becoming so difficult 783 00:33:34,792 --> 00:33:36,583 to try to convince myself and them 784 00:33:36,667 --> 00:33:38,208 that I wanted to go, 785 00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:44,000 but...when he--he did pass away while I was competing, 786 00:33:44,083 --> 00:33:46,500 and... 787 00:33:46,583 --> 00:33:49,250 I don't think that I ever got over that. 788 00:33:54,458 --> 00:33:55,959 - In my case, 789 00:33:56,041 --> 00:33:57,375 there were a lot of warning signs 790 00:33:57,458 --> 00:33:59,166 that I couldn't handle the changes in my life 791 00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:01,500 after my success at the Olympics. 792 00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:05,333 I definitely made some bad decisions. 793 00:34:05,417 --> 00:34:07,667 - Just a few months after winning Olympic gold, 794 00:34:07,750 --> 00:34:10,208 Michael Phelps was busted for drunk driving. 795 00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:16,875 - And then rock bottom came in 2014, 796 00:34:16,959 --> 00:34:19,542 and that put everything that had come before 797 00:34:19,625 --> 00:34:21,208 into perspective. 798 00:34:24,125 --> 00:34:25,875 - 56th Street? - Affirmative, 56th. 799 00:34:25,959 --> 00:34:27,583 - Michael Phelps, 800 00:34:27,667 --> 00:34:30,333 the most decorated Olympian of all time, 801 00:34:30,417 --> 00:34:34,375 has been arrested again for DUI. 802 00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:39,875 - I get pulled over, go home that night. 803 00:34:39,959 --> 00:34:43,166 I mean, I'm just a wreck, a wreck. 804 00:34:43,250 --> 00:34:45,709 Just sitting there in that room, 805 00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:47,917 didn't leave, 806 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,750 didn't drink water, didn't drink anything, 807 00:34:49,834 --> 00:34:51,250 didn't eat anything, 808 00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:53,250 just sat in my room, basically, curled up, 809 00:34:53,333 --> 00:34:55,291 and cried. 810 00:34:58,208 --> 00:35:01,083 I was like, "Well, this is everything coming to an end 811 00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,583 in front of my eyes." 812 00:35:04,834 --> 00:35:05,834 And that's where I was just like, 813 00:35:05,917 --> 00:35:07,291 "Why don't I just end it all?" 814 00:35:15,333 --> 00:35:17,417 In the end, I was fortunate 815 00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:19,250 to have some great people around me 816 00:35:19,333 --> 00:35:22,458 and the resources to get real help. 817 00:35:22,542 --> 00:35:24,959 I checked in to a treatment center, 818 00:35:25,041 --> 00:35:26,250 turned my cell phone off, 819 00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:29,291 and spent the next 45 days rebuilding myself 820 00:35:29,375 --> 00:35:30,667 from the ground up. 821 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,458 And then when I came back 822 00:35:35,542 --> 00:35:38,333 and found myself in a much better place, 823 00:35:38,417 --> 00:35:41,625 there was this other realization, too, 824 00:35:41,709 --> 00:35:44,291 that I wasn't the only Olympian 825 00:35:44,375 --> 00:35:46,166 who felt the way I did. 826 00:35:47,875 --> 00:35:50,458 - Post-2008, I was so broken-down 827 00:35:50,542 --> 00:35:52,125 that I would be driving in my car 828 00:35:52,208 --> 00:35:54,959 and I would just be like, "I just hope a truck hits me. 829 00:35:55,041 --> 00:35:57,542 "I just hope, like, a truck hits me and wipes me out 830 00:35:57,625 --> 00:36:00,125 and they don't get hurt but I do, like, that I'm done." 831 00:36:00,208 --> 00:36:02,792 I just would want to be gone. 832 00:36:02,875 --> 00:36:04,709 I would fight suicidal thoughts. 833 00:36:04,792 --> 00:36:06,500 I would fight sitting in my car, 834 00:36:06,583 --> 00:36:10,000 just closing the garage doors with the car on. 835 00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,375 - Depression is--once it kind of starts going, 836 00:36:12,458 --> 00:36:13,834 it just puts you into a spiral, 837 00:36:13,917 --> 00:36:16,417 and you just start getting deeper and deeper into it 838 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:20,166 and just end up doing crazy things. 839 00:36:23,583 --> 00:36:27,500 - I was like, "Why? What's the point, man? 840 00:36:27,583 --> 00:36:29,166 "What's the point of going to the Olympic Games, 841 00:36:29,250 --> 00:36:31,333 "what's the point of sacrificing 842 00:36:31,417 --> 00:36:33,166 "and training all of these hours 843 00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:36,792 if this is what I have to show for it?" 844 00:36:36,875 --> 00:36:39,166 That point, I remember, like, 845 00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:41,834 how do I just make this painless, quick, 846 00:36:41,917 --> 00:36:43,500 and end my life? 847 00:36:45,792 --> 00:36:48,000 Came to a couple different plans, 848 00:36:48,083 --> 00:36:50,250 and I don't think I ever got to the point 849 00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:54,917 where I felt confident enough 850 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,000 to act out a suicide, but... 851 00:36:57,083 --> 00:37:00,709 Like, hanging myself? No. 852 00:37:00,792 --> 00:37:01,917 Shooting myself? 853 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,667 No idea how to get a gun. 854 00:37:03,750 --> 00:37:07,041 And my best option was driving so fast, 855 00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:09,375 smoking myself on a telephone pole. 856 00:37:09,458 --> 00:37:10,542 I won't feel a thing. 857 00:37:10,625 --> 00:37:13,083 But it's gonna be easier for me to be done 858 00:37:13,166 --> 00:37:14,750 with this life. 859 00:37:16,959 --> 00:37:19,583 - May 2017 is when 860 00:37:19,667 --> 00:37:24,333 I really started thinking about, like, ending my life 861 00:37:24,417 --> 00:37:28,375 because it was almost unbearable. 862 00:37:30,125 --> 00:37:32,375 I had a good day if I got out of bed 863 00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:35,750 before 11:00 or noon, 864 00:37:35,834 --> 00:37:36,917 I wash my face, I brush my hair, 865 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,291 I brush my teeth, 866 00:37:38,375 --> 00:37:41,583 and, like, I left my apartment. 867 00:37:41,667 --> 00:37:43,875 I was like, "I don't know what's on the other side, 868 00:37:43,959 --> 00:37:46,417 "but I think that that would probably be better 869 00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:49,208 than whatever I'm living right now." 870 00:37:51,125 --> 00:37:53,083 The only reason I didn't kill myself 871 00:37:53,166 --> 00:37:55,250 is because my twin sister, Carly. 872 00:37:55,333 --> 00:37:59,166 There's no way that I would just leave her like that. 873 00:37:59,250 --> 00:38:01,083 I was stuck in that weird place 874 00:38:01,166 --> 00:38:04,250 between not necessarily wanting to die 875 00:38:04,333 --> 00:38:07,041 but, like, I couldn't go on as I was going 876 00:38:07,125 --> 00:38:09,375 because I really just wanted to live again 877 00:38:09,458 --> 00:38:11,083 and, like, feel good things 878 00:38:11,166 --> 00:38:12,291 and, like, see the world again 879 00:38:12,375 --> 00:38:15,000 and, like, be involved in my life. 880 00:38:15,083 --> 00:38:17,792 It was like my life was a snow globe 881 00:38:17,875 --> 00:38:19,333 and I could look in and I could see 882 00:38:19,417 --> 00:38:20,959 everything that was happening 883 00:38:21,041 --> 00:38:23,000 but I couldn't be involved in it. 884 00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:25,625 There's just, like, this wall separating me 885 00:38:25,709 --> 00:38:27,417 from the rest of the world. 886 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,458 - I went downstairs. 887 00:38:32,542 --> 00:38:34,125 I just decided, "You know what? This is time. 888 00:38:34,208 --> 00:38:36,458 I have an opportunity here." 889 00:38:36,542 --> 00:38:39,959 That's kind of the last thing I remember. 890 00:38:40,041 --> 00:38:41,458 What makes it scary is-- after the fact 891 00:38:41,542 --> 00:38:43,250 is, you don't realize all the people 892 00:38:43,333 --> 00:38:46,000 that would've been crushed and devastated. 893 00:38:49,583 --> 00:38:51,625 I didn't tell anybody. 894 00:38:51,709 --> 00:38:55,166 In fact, even after I won the gold medal in Vancouver, 895 00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:57,333 I still didn't tell anybody-- nobody. 896 00:38:57,417 --> 00:39:01,000 That was a moment between...me and God 897 00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:04,041 or, you know, just me and the bedroom, 898 00:39:04,125 --> 00:39:05,333 and that was it. 899 00:39:05,417 --> 00:39:06,542 There was... 900 00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:09,959 Nobody else would get to know or find out, ever. 901 00:39:10,041 --> 00:39:11,667 And it wasn't till I wrote my book 902 00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:15,834 that I decided people need to know. 903 00:39:15,917 --> 00:39:19,333 And actually... 904 00:39:19,417 --> 00:39:22,375 One of the big motivations was, 905 00:39:22,458 --> 00:39:25,166 close friend of mine, an athlete, 906 00:39:25,250 --> 00:39:27,875 Jeret Peterson, killed himself 907 00:39:27,959 --> 00:39:29,291 about the time I was writing my book, 908 00:39:29,375 --> 00:39:31,709 and that's what triggered-- it was kind of like, 909 00:39:31,792 --> 00:39:33,291 this is a big--this is like an epidemic. 910 00:39:33,375 --> 00:39:35,166 It's...not just him. 911 00:39:35,250 --> 00:39:36,333 There's a lot of people out there 912 00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:38,834 that are suffering through this. 913 00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:42,333 - I grew up with Speedy. 914 00:39:42,417 --> 00:39:43,417 Of course, he was on the aerials team. 915 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:44,750 I was on the moguls team. 916 00:39:44,834 --> 00:39:46,709 And we were the young guys on the team. 917 00:39:46,792 --> 00:39:49,542 I looked at him like a carefree kid 918 00:39:49,625 --> 00:39:51,542 that had so much fun. 919 00:39:51,625 --> 00:39:53,875 He was always smiling. He was always happy. 920 00:39:53,959 --> 00:39:55,917 - And, Speedy, how did you get that nickname? 921 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,000 - That nickname started when I was 11 years old 922 00:39:58,083 --> 00:39:59,208 when I went to my first camp. 923 00:39:59,291 --> 00:40:00,583 I had a checkered life jacket 924 00:40:00,667 --> 00:40:01,709 and a big racing helmet 925 00:40:01,792 --> 00:40:02,834 that I borrowed from my uncle... 926 00:40:02,917 --> 00:40:04,834 - Oh, okay. - And didn't really grasp 927 00:40:04,917 --> 00:40:06,208 the concept of waiting in line, 928 00:40:06,291 --> 00:40:07,917 and so I'd cut in front of all the other campers 929 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,166 and get five jumps in the time they got two. 930 00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:11,709 - Okay, so it wasn't a girlfriend. 931 00:40:11,792 --> 00:40:13,208 - No, no, luckily. 932 00:40:13,291 --> 00:40:15,875 She'd probably be an ex-girlfriend. 933 00:40:15,959 --> 00:40:19,375 - It wasn't until 2009, 934 00:40:19,458 --> 00:40:20,750 when we were in Lake Placid 935 00:40:20,834 --> 00:40:23,959 at the Olympic Training Center for a World Cup, 936 00:40:24,041 --> 00:40:26,041 and he said, "Hey, can I chat with you for a second?" 937 00:40:26,125 --> 00:40:27,583 And I said "Sure." 938 00:40:27,667 --> 00:40:29,917 And we went to the TV room-- it was night; 939 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,208 it was dark; there's no one around-- 940 00:40:32,291 --> 00:40:33,458 and he said, 941 00:40:33,542 --> 00:40:35,250 "You know, I want to open up to you for a second." 942 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:38,291 And I said, "Sure, what's on your mind?" 943 00:40:38,375 --> 00:40:41,625 He started crying, and he said, 944 00:40:41,709 --> 00:40:44,083 "Most days, I don't want to be alive." 945 00:40:44,166 --> 00:40:46,583 And I didn't know anything about mental health 946 00:40:46,667 --> 00:40:48,333 at that point. 947 00:40:48,417 --> 00:40:49,625 I was so off-guard 948 00:40:49,709 --> 00:40:51,542 because I think of Speedy as somebody 949 00:40:51,625 --> 00:40:53,083 who's always been so happy 950 00:40:53,166 --> 00:40:54,583 and so successful, 951 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:55,709 and I didn't know how to react, 952 00:40:55,792 --> 00:40:57,917 and I just said, "Speedy, look at you. 953 00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,917 "You're so incredibly successful. 954 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,709 "You're a good-looking kid. 955 00:41:01,792 --> 00:41:03,417 "You have the wind behind your sails. 956 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:05,417 Like, you know, what's going on?" 957 00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,500 And, you know, he just really opened up to me, 958 00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:11,709 and I often think about that moment. 959 00:41:11,792 --> 00:41:13,834 I wish I could go back to it now, 960 00:41:13,917 --> 00:41:16,000 because I think I would've handled it 961 00:41:16,083 --> 00:41:17,917 a lot differently than I did. 962 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:24,500 - He was horribly depressed. 963 00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:28,333 When he was young, he was sexually abused. 964 00:41:28,417 --> 00:41:30,875 His roommate took his life with a gun, 965 00:41:30,959 --> 00:41:33,333 and Jeret was witness to that whole thing, 966 00:41:33,417 --> 00:41:38,959 and from there on, life was never the same. 967 00:41:39,041 --> 00:41:42,333 And that was six months before the Torino Olympics. 968 00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:44,166 I didn't want him to go. 969 00:41:44,250 --> 00:41:46,917 I begged him not to go, but he insisted. 970 00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:49,792 He was beside himself. 971 00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:52,667 He didn't know where to go, who to turn to. 972 00:41:52,750 --> 00:41:54,667 He lost his identity. 973 00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:56,834 He told me that he didn't think 974 00:41:56,917 --> 00:42:00,291 he was gonna be able to hang on for very long 975 00:42:00,375 --> 00:42:03,709 and to not be surprised. 976 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:29,917 - You fall to your knees, 977 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:34,000 and your heart just...shatters. 978 00:42:35,458 --> 00:42:40,041 I'm not angry at him for what he did. 979 00:42:40,125 --> 00:42:43,208 The pain becomes insurmountable, 980 00:42:43,291 --> 00:42:45,375 and the pain that he was having, 981 00:42:45,458 --> 00:42:48,208 I know, 'cause I saw it. 982 00:42:48,291 --> 00:42:51,041 Your spirit is crushed, 983 00:42:51,125 --> 00:42:55,083 and it truly was unbearable with him. 984 00:42:56,834 --> 00:42:58,709 - I couldn't help but feel 985 00:42:58,792 --> 00:43:00,500 a little bit responsible. 986 00:43:00,583 --> 00:43:03,375 I couldn't help but feel like, you know, 987 00:43:03,458 --> 00:43:04,750 "What could I have done differently? 988 00:43:04,834 --> 00:43:07,083 "Who could I have talked to? 989 00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:11,291 You know, is there something I could've done more?" 990 00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,000 That's something I struggle with. 991 00:43:19,625 --> 00:43:21,333 - You might be listening to all of us talk 992 00:43:21,417 --> 00:43:23,583 about our struggles and wonder, 993 00:43:23,667 --> 00:43:25,625 "Why don't you just get help?" 994 00:43:27,583 --> 00:43:30,125 Well, there are a lot of reasons, 995 00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:32,792 and probably the biggest is connected to what got us 996 00:43:32,875 --> 00:43:35,583 to the top in the first place: 997 00:43:35,667 --> 00:43:38,917 our conviction that we can make ourselves unbeatable 998 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,250 if we just work at it, 999 00:43:41,333 --> 00:43:44,792 our belief that there's no way we should ever need help... 1000 00:43:47,166 --> 00:43:48,834 Our fear that we'll become weak 1001 00:43:48,917 --> 00:43:50,750 if we show any vulnerability. 1002 00:43:53,041 --> 00:43:55,333 The stigma of having mental health problems 1003 00:43:55,417 --> 00:43:58,458 is a huge issue all across society, 1004 00:43:58,542 --> 00:44:01,000 how tough the issues are to talk about 1005 00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:04,166 or even just acknowledge. 1006 00:44:04,250 --> 00:44:05,709 And Olympians are definitely a group 1007 00:44:05,792 --> 00:44:09,500 who want to keep their pain out of sight. 1008 00:44:09,583 --> 00:44:11,125 - It's very, very simple. 1009 00:44:11,208 --> 00:44:12,333 Athletes... 1010 00:44:12,417 --> 00:44:15,125 most likely don't get help for... 1011 00:44:15,208 --> 00:44:17,834 depression 1012 00:44:17,917 --> 00:44:21,417 or, you know, mental health issues 1013 00:44:21,500 --> 00:44:24,458 because they can't even admit that it's an issue. 1014 00:44:24,542 --> 00:44:26,458 That is so fundamentally at odds 1015 00:44:26,542 --> 00:44:28,667 with being a competitor. 1016 00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:32,500 This is war. It's a game of strategy. 1017 00:44:32,583 --> 00:44:36,166 It's a game of maneuvering and posturing. 1018 00:44:36,250 --> 00:44:39,500 You need to show the world that you are strong. 1019 00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:41,041 You need to show all your competitors 1020 00:44:41,125 --> 00:44:42,959 that you are strong. 1021 00:44:43,041 --> 00:44:45,875 And so if you were to say, like, 1022 00:44:45,959 --> 00:44:47,000 "Oh, I have mental issues," 1023 00:44:47,083 --> 00:44:49,750 like, that just cracks 1024 00:44:49,834 --> 00:44:52,542 the façade of trying to show the world 1025 00:44:52,625 --> 00:44:54,959 that you're impervious. 1026 00:44:56,250 --> 00:44:57,500 - I was worried that people would see me 1027 00:44:57,583 --> 00:44:59,000 as this fragile person, 1028 00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:00,291 somebody they didn't want around 1029 00:45:00,375 --> 00:45:01,709 or, like, "Hey, you can't rely on Holcomb, 1030 00:45:01,792 --> 00:45:02,959 "'cause who knows what he's gonna think? 1031 00:45:03,041 --> 00:45:04,667 He's thinking crazy stuff," 1032 00:45:04,750 --> 00:45:06,000 or, you know, "He's mentally not fit 1033 00:45:06,083 --> 00:45:08,333 to be"--whatever. 1034 00:45:08,417 --> 00:45:10,041 You know, you don't want the stigma of that 1035 00:45:10,125 --> 00:45:11,375 going around. 1036 00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:12,542 And so I didn't--I just-- 1037 00:45:12,625 --> 00:45:14,750 I didn't tell anybody; I kept that to myself. 1038 00:45:16,792 --> 00:45:19,208 - Athletes just don't talk about our weaknesses. 1039 00:45:19,291 --> 00:45:20,875 We're tough. 1040 00:45:20,959 --> 00:45:23,333 We will hide anything from-- and especially if it's 1041 00:45:23,417 --> 00:45:24,417 a team environment, 1042 00:45:24,500 --> 00:45:26,875 'cause you don't want to let someone know 1043 00:45:26,959 --> 00:45:28,917 what you're kind of going through. 1044 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:33,250 - The biggest thing that I struggled with 1045 00:45:33,333 --> 00:45:35,333 is that from the outside, 1046 00:45:35,417 --> 00:45:37,250 it's like, "You got everything. 1047 00:45:37,333 --> 00:45:41,250 Why aren't you happy all the time, 24-7?" 1048 00:45:41,333 --> 00:45:43,166 - So if I had, like, blown out my knee, 1049 00:45:43,250 --> 00:45:44,709 I know for a fact I would've had 1050 00:45:44,792 --> 00:45:46,458 the top physical therapist, 1051 00:45:46,542 --> 00:45:48,375 the top surgeon, orthopedic, 1052 00:45:48,458 --> 00:45:51,750 like, absolutely whatever I needed fixing my knee. 1053 00:45:51,834 --> 00:45:53,917 And I know that if I-- 1054 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,291 'Cause I mentioned, like, one time before to someone 1055 00:45:56,375 --> 00:45:58,125 in the federation, like, 1056 00:45:58,208 --> 00:45:59,542 "I'm actually really going through some, like, 1057 00:45:59,625 --> 00:46:02,291 "really dark shit right now, 1058 00:46:02,375 --> 00:46:04,625 and it's really interfering." 1059 00:46:04,709 --> 00:46:05,917 They said, "Oh, well, you could, like, look up 1060 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,041 a therapist in your area." 1061 00:46:08,125 --> 00:46:10,417 Being an Olympian is advertised 1062 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:12,291 as this amazing thing, 1063 00:46:12,375 --> 00:46:16,542 and they leave out all of the side effects. 1064 00:46:16,625 --> 00:46:19,291 So let's say that you make it to the Olympics. 1065 00:46:19,375 --> 00:46:21,625 Some side effects may include an eating disorder, 1066 00:46:21,709 --> 00:46:22,792 depression, 1067 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:25,917 anxiety, suicidal ideation, 1068 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,750 almost, like, a disconnect from the real world, 1069 00:46:28,834 --> 00:46:31,291 and then when all those side effects do happen, 1070 00:46:31,375 --> 00:46:32,792 there's nothing in play 1071 00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:36,083 to, like, help you with those. 1072 00:46:36,166 --> 00:46:37,291 They kind of advertise this, like, 1073 00:46:37,375 --> 00:46:39,834 "keeping our athletes healthy and happy," 1074 00:46:39,917 --> 00:46:42,667 and, like, they really only deliver physically. 1075 00:46:42,750 --> 00:46:44,417 Everything else is just kind of like, 1076 00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:46,166 "Oh, not our problem." 1077 00:46:48,291 --> 00:46:49,917 - I think I can honestly say now, 1078 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,291 sort of looking back throughout my career, 1079 00:46:52,375 --> 00:46:54,458 I don't think anybody really cared 1080 00:46:54,542 --> 00:46:56,417 to help us. 1081 00:46:56,500 --> 00:46:58,125 I don't think anybody really jumped in 1082 00:46:58,208 --> 00:47:01,125 to ask us if we were okay. 1083 00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:02,458 As long as we were performing, 1084 00:47:02,542 --> 00:47:06,333 I don't think anything else really mattered. 1085 00:47:06,417 --> 00:47:08,291 It's pretty unfortunate to say, 1086 00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:09,834 pretty sad to say. 1087 00:47:12,792 --> 00:47:14,500 - I think the last thing on my mind 1088 00:47:14,583 --> 00:47:15,667 was, like, "How can USA Diving 1089 00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:17,208 "and how can the Olympic Committee 1090 00:47:17,291 --> 00:47:18,291 help me with this?" 1091 00:47:18,375 --> 00:47:20,709 They can help me with my mental preparation 1092 00:47:20,792 --> 00:47:22,542 and they've done a phenomenal job 1093 00:47:22,625 --> 00:47:26,834 of, how do I mentally stay strong in my sport? 1094 00:47:26,917 --> 00:47:29,083 But not once have I gotten wisdom: 1095 00:47:29,166 --> 00:47:32,208 how does David stay strong outside of my sport? 1096 00:47:32,291 --> 00:47:37,208 - The problem is, without fully understanding 1097 00:47:37,291 --> 00:47:38,500 who should be helping us, 1098 00:47:38,583 --> 00:47:40,709 it's hard to seek out the right person, 1099 00:47:40,792 --> 00:47:42,166 'cause it seems like psychologists 1100 00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:43,166 and sports psychologists, 1101 00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:45,375 like, everyone wants to work with an Olympian 1102 00:47:45,458 --> 00:47:48,625 and have--you know, claim credit for your performance, 1103 00:47:48,709 --> 00:47:51,500 but when it comes to serious family issues 1104 00:47:51,583 --> 00:47:54,041 or mental health issues, 1105 00:47:54,125 --> 00:47:57,542 it's almost nonexistent. 1106 00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,166 - I'm just really frustrated with the system, 1107 00:47:59,250 --> 00:48:03,375 and I think as I am more on the tail end of my career, 1108 00:48:03,458 --> 00:48:05,875 that's where it really becomes apparent. 1109 00:48:10,959 --> 00:48:12,000 - This is it. 1110 00:48:12,083 --> 00:48:13,000 I've said it before, 1111 00:48:13,083 --> 00:48:14,208 but you guys can say it. 1112 00:48:14,291 --> 00:48:16,417 This is the last time. 1113 00:48:17,667 --> 00:48:19,709 No matter how your career goes 1114 00:48:19,792 --> 00:48:21,417 or how long it lasts, 1115 00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:22,875 there's one inevitable end 1116 00:48:22,959 --> 00:48:24,542 we all have in common: 1117 00:48:24,625 --> 00:48:27,041 retirement. 1118 00:48:27,125 --> 00:48:29,375 It's not really natural to retire 1119 00:48:29,458 --> 00:48:31,709 when you're in your 20s or 30s, 1120 00:48:31,792 --> 00:48:33,041 and when you've devoted your life 1121 00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:35,500 to a pursuit of such a singular goal 1122 00:48:35,583 --> 00:48:37,542 and then leave it all behind, 1123 00:48:37,625 --> 00:48:39,583 there's that giant question: 1124 00:48:39,667 --> 00:48:41,917 now what? 1125 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:43,709 And even bigger: 1126 00:48:43,792 --> 00:48:45,750 who am I? 1127 00:48:45,834 --> 00:48:47,417 And the truth is, 1128 00:48:47,500 --> 00:48:49,709 there aren't tons of programs in place 1129 00:48:49,792 --> 00:48:51,750 to help athletes handle the emotions 1130 00:48:51,834 --> 00:48:53,959 of that transition. 1131 00:48:54,041 --> 00:48:57,166 - What is available to retired Olympic athletes post-career? 1132 00:48:57,250 --> 00:48:59,125 I don't think there's anything. 1133 00:48:59,208 --> 00:49:02,041 If you're talking about third-party resources 1134 00:49:02,125 --> 00:49:04,125 that I'm aware of, I don't think there's any. 1135 00:49:04,208 --> 00:49:05,834 There's none that I've used. 1136 00:49:05,917 --> 00:49:08,041 There's actually zero that I have used 1137 00:49:08,125 --> 00:49:10,458 in 9 1/2 years I've been retired. 1138 00:49:10,542 --> 00:49:13,125 There's no pension. There's no bonus. 1139 00:49:13,208 --> 00:49:16,250 There's no stock option. 1140 00:49:16,333 --> 00:49:20,125 There's no job opportunity. 1141 00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:21,125 There's no more coach. 1142 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:22,250 There's no more training environment. 1143 00:49:22,333 --> 00:49:23,291 There's no more equipment. 1144 00:49:23,375 --> 00:49:24,458 There's no more monthly stipend. 1145 00:49:24,542 --> 00:49:26,792 There's no more prize money. 1146 00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:30,625 Arguably, there's no more sponsorship. 1147 00:49:30,709 --> 00:49:32,959 Yeah, that's reality. 1148 00:49:35,041 --> 00:49:37,625 - I'm really not aware of anything that exists 1149 00:49:37,709 --> 00:49:41,125 for retired Olympians, 1150 00:49:41,208 --> 00:49:43,291 but I really feel like the bulk 1151 00:49:43,375 --> 00:49:45,959 of what the U.S. Olympic Committee does 1152 00:49:46,041 --> 00:49:51,959 is to help fund hopefuls getting to their dream. 1153 00:49:52,041 --> 00:49:55,625 - I will never regret competing for Team USA 1154 00:49:55,709 --> 00:49:57,500 and this country, absolutely not. 1155 00:49:57,583 --> 00:50:00,458 I have helped promote the Olympic sports 1156 00:50:00,542 --> 00:50:01,834 for three Olympics. 1157 00:50:01,917 --> 00:50:05,166 I've given my blood, sweat, and tears. 1158 00:50:05,250 --> 00:50:07,166 I've given my talent. 1159 00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:10,750 And all I'm asking is that after it's all said and done, 1160 00:50:10,834 --> 00:50:12,333 someone can help me 1161 00:50:12,417 --> 00:50:14,959 mentally get through this. 1162 00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:24,166 - Losing Speedy Peterson was a shock 1163 00:50:24,250 --> 00:50:26,667 for the entire Olympic community, 1164 00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:29,000 but it wasn't an isolated incident. 1165 00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:33,291 Steven Scherer, a sport shooter 1166 00:50:33,375 --> 00:50:35,667 who represented the U.S. in Beijing, 1167 00:50:35,750 --> 00:50:37,166 had taken his own life 1168 00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:39,709 less than a year before Speedy's death. 1169 00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:44,625 Kelly Catlin won a silver medal in 2016 1170 00:50:44,709 --> 00:50:47,375 as a part of the U.S. cycling team 1171 00:50:47,458 --> 00:50:51,208 and then took her own life in 2019. 1172 00:50:51,291 --> 00:50:54,000 Later that same year, Jack Hatton, 1173 00:50:54,083 --> 00:50:55,709 a Team USA judoka, 1174 00:50:55,792 --> 00:50:57,417 took his life as well. 1175 00:50:59,291 --> 00:51:02,250 Nobody was prepared for any of these tragedies, 1176 00:51:02,333 --> 00:51:04,875 but the news that maybe hit the hardest 1177 00:51:04,959 --> 00:51:07,041 came in May of 2017. 1178 00:51:10,291 --> 00:51:11,709 - A shock in the world of sports tonight. 1179 00:51:11,792 --> 00:51:12,709 The Olympic community 1180 00:51:12,792 --> 00:51:14,542 and bobsled fans around the world 1181 00:51:14,625 --> 00:51:17,000 are mourning the death of Steven Holcomb. 1182 00:51:17,083 --> 00:51:19,250 The Olympic champion was found in his room 1183 00:51:19,333 --> 00:51:22,208 at Team USA's training center in Lake Placid, New York, 1184 00:51:22,291 --> 00:51:23,208 this weekend. 1185 00:51:23,291 --> 00:51:24,709 The cause of his death 1186 00:51:24,792 --> 00:51:26,250 remains unclear. 1187 00:51:29,333 --> 00:51:30,959 - Steven Holcomb was found in his room 1188 00:51:31,041 --> 00:51:33,542 at the Olympic training center, unresponsive, 1189 00:51:33,625 --> 00:51:37,083 by his best friend, Katie Uhlaender. 1190 00:51:37,166 --> 00:51:39,375 Steven was 37 years old. 1191 00:51:45,500 --> 00:51:47,959 - And I don't know what was worse. 1192 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:54,083 Finding him... 1193 00:51:54,166 --> 00:51:56,917 two days late, 1194 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,542 you just, like... 1195 00:52:01,333 --> 00:52:03,458 Then realizing, like, 1196 00:52:03,542 --> 00:52:05,041 thinking he was asleep and then realizing 1197 00:52:05,125 --> 00:52:07,917 there was nothing I could do, 1198 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,625 and then thinking back to the days 1199 00:52:09,709 --> 00:52:12,166 that I should've broken into his room sooner. 1200 00:52:12,250 --> 00:52:14,417 How did I not do something sooner? 1201 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:19,000 And every time, like, I would go to text him-- 1202 00:52:19,083 --> 00:52:20,458 he's my best friend-- 1203 00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:22,625 I would have, like, a panic attack, 1204 00:52:22,709 --> 00:52:24,125 'cause my mind would go straight back 1205 00:52:24,208 --> 00:52:27,500 to that moment when I found him, 1206 00:52:27,583 --> 00:52:28,959 and I would realize he was gone, 1207 00:52:29,041 --> 00:52:31,500 and then I would start to wonder why. 1208 00:52:31,583 --> 00:52:35,458 - What else has to happen for this to change? 1209 00:52:35,542 --> 00:52:36,834 What else? 1210 00:52:36,917 --> 00:52:40,959 I mean, we see, like... 1211 00:52:44,041 --> 00:52:45,959 Do five other athletes have to take their lives 1212 00:52:46,041 --> 00:52:47,667 in order to see change? 1213 00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:50,208 Like, how far down the road are we gonna get 1214 00:52:50,291 --> 00:52:52,834 before somebody actually stands up and says, 1215 00:52:52,917 --> 00:52:56,709 "We have to do something, and this is important"? 1216 00:52:56,792 --> 00:52:59,166 - I think there's no question that Olympic athletes need 1217 00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:00,333 more support. 1218 00:53:00,417 --> 00:53:02,834 You know, the solution to mental health issues 1219 00:53:02,917 --> 00:53:06,000 or really just general support-- 1220 00:53:06,083 --> 00:53:08,333 right now, we're just starting to understand 1221 00:53:08,417 --> 00:53:10,667 how critical that is. 1222 00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:13,000 - I don't think that they're maliciously ignoring 1223 00:53:13,083 --> 00:53:14,458 our well-being. 1224 00:53:14,542 --> 00:53:17,125 I just don't know that if they realize 1225 00:53:17,208 --> 00:53:19,542 it's, like, a full, like, crisis yet. 1226 00:53:19,625 --> 00:53:22,834 How many more dead Olympians do they need 1227 00:53:22,917 --> 00:53:24,166 before they realize 1228 00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:27,333 that there might be an epidemic here? 1229 00:53:27,417 --> 00:53:32,208 - I recently requested help multiple times, 1230 00:53:32,291 --> 00:53:35,917 and I didn't get it, and I can't figure out 1231 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,875 if it was because it would've taken me away 1232 00:53:37,959 --> 00:53:39,709 from competing for them 1233 00:53:39,792 --> 00:53:41,959 or if it was just, they don't have the resources 1234 00:53:42,041 --> 00:53:45,709 or they don't know, but regardless, 1235 00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,208 if you look at the process I had to go through, 1236 00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:49,667 I have to tell my coach, 1237 00:53:49,750 --> 00:53:50,917 or I have to tell sports med. 1238 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,041 I have to tell sports performance. 1239 00:53:53,125 --> 00:53:54,709 Then they have to tell, like, two more people 1240 00:53:54,792 --> 00:53:56,375 over in Colorado Springs, 1241 00:53:56,458 --> 00:53:57,875 and then they have to, like, go through this thing 1242 00:53:57,959 --> 00:54:00,041 to try to find someone, determine if it's valid-- 1243 00:54:00,125 --> 00:54:01,417 my request for help. 1244 00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:02,500 Like, I went through their process, 1245 00:54:02,583 --> 00:54:05,000 and despite those five to seven people knowing, 1246 00:54:05,083 --> 00:54:06,583 I didn't get any help. 1247 00:54:08,291 --> 00:54:10,417 - I think a lot of us could've had a story 1248 00:54:10,500 --> 00:54:13,000 that ended like Steve Holcomb's did, 1249 00:54:13,083 --> 00:54:15,083 because a lot of us struggle 1250 00:54:15,166 --> 00:54:17,542 with so many of the same feelings. 1251 00:54:17,625 --> 00:54:20,709 And I saw Steve maybe, like, a week before. 1252 00:54:20,792 --> 00:54:24,750 He just seemed so-- like everything was fine, 1253 00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:27,417 and, like, I think we all seem like something's fine 1254 00:54:27,500 --> 00:54:30,041 until we get to that one breaking point 1255 00:54:30,125 --> 00:54:31,500 where either we're fortunate enough 1256 00:54:31,583 --> 00:54:35,792 for somebody to see us, or... 1257 00:54:35,875 --> 00:54:38,875 we're not lucky and we die. 1258 00:54:42,792 --> 00:54:44,792 - Dealing with the incredible highs and lows 1259 00:54:44,875 --> 00:54:46,458 of being an Olympian, 1260 00:54:46,542 --> 00:54:49,208 the sacrifices and the challenges, 1261 00:54:49,291 --> 00:54:50,583 and figuring out a transition 1262 00:54:50,667 --> 00:54:53,208 from such a hyper-focused life-- 1263 00:54:53,291 --> 00:54:56,458 all of it can be extremely hard, 1264 00:54:56,542 --> 00:54:59,959 but there is a way forward. 1265 00:55:00,041 --> 00:55:02,959 There are people and places that can help, 1266 00:55:03,041 --> 00:55:06,166 and there are outcomes that can be really successful. 1267 00:55:07,875 --> 00:55:09,417 We just have to change the perception 1268 00:55:09,500 --> 00:55:11,125 that problems with mental health 1269 00:55:11,208 --> 00:55:13,333 are something to hide, 1270 00:55:13,417 --> 00:55:16,333 and in a world where Olympians are leading the way forward 1271 00:55:16,417 --> 00:55:19,083 to break down that stigma, 1272 00:55:19,166 --> 00:55:21,417 the impact could be massive. 1273 00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:24,917 - Where a better place to make change 1274 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:27,417 than on the Olympic stage? 1275 00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:31,333 Youth around the world watch and look up to these people, 1276 00:55:31,417 --> 00:55:33,250 and if we can take a stand and make change, 1277 00:55:33,333 --> 00:55:35,291 it could affect the world 1278 00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:38,959 in recognizing what truly matters. 1279 00:55:39,041 --> 00:55:40,333 - It doesn't matter if you're an Olympic gold medalist 1280 00:55:40,417 --> 00:55:42,500 and you are the most decorated athlete 1281 00:55:42,583 --> 00:55:44,333 of human history 1282 00:55:44,417 --> 00:55:46,667 or you're someone driving a bus. 1283 00:55:46,750 --> 00:55:49,041 You're prone to depression. 1284 00:55:49,125 --> 00:55:51,208 My faith was how I was able to handle it 1285 00:55:51,291 --> 00:55:52,834 and still handle it, 1286 00:55:52,917 --> 00:55:55,125 but that's okay to handle it differently. 1287 00:55:57,417 --> 00:55:59,000 - When stuff started getting bad, 1288 00:55:59,083 --> 00:56:00,458 if I had just even seen someone, 1289 00:56:00,542 --> 00:56:02,333 like, once or twice a week, 1290 00:56:02,417 --> 00:56:05,333 we probably wouldn't have ended up where I did. 1291 00:56:05,417 --> 00:56:08,500 - We're human. 1292 00:56:08,583 --> 00:56:10,542 I don't think I have to say anything else. 1293 00:56:10,625 --> 00:56:13,375 We're human beings, just like everybody else. 1294 00:56:15,250 --> 00:56:18,667 Yeah, I had won a shit-ton of medals. 1295 00:56:18,750 --> 00:56:20,709 I had a great career. 1296 00:56:20,792 --> 00:56:24,125 Doesn't matter. I wasn't happy with who I was. 1297 00:56:24,208 --> 00:56:27,458 I thought of myself of just a swimmer 1298 00:56:27,542 --> 00:56:30,083 and not a human being, not a person. 1299 00:56:30,166 --> 00:56:32,500 No self-love, no self-confidence. 1300 00:56:35,750 --> 00:56:37,333 You know, thinking about committing suicide 1301 00:56:37,417 --> 00:56:38,917 and not being alive anymore, 1302 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,166 you know, I think back to it now still. 1303 00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:44,041 It's crazy, what's been able to happen 1304 00:56:44,125 --> 00:56:46,917 and what I've been able to learn. 1305 00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,041 - It's okay to not be okay, 1306 00:56:49,125 --> 00:56:52,333 and it's okay to kind of, like, talk to people about it. 1307 00:56:53,125 --> 00:56:55,041 You gotta definitely find the right people in your life 1308 00:56:55,125 --> 00:56:57,333 that you can talk to about these things. 1309 00:57:06,166 --> 00:57:08,417 - What makes the Olympics so special 1310 00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:12,250 is their power to bring the world together. 1311 00:57:12,333 --> 00:57:13,792 Like everyone else, 1312 00:57:13,875 --> 00:57:15,417 I can't wait to live in a world 1313 00:57:15,500 --> 00:57:18,000 where that's possible again, 1314 00:57:18,083 --> 00:57:20,709 and my hope is, when that happens, 1315 00:57:20,792 --> 00:57:22,583 the athletes in the center of it all 1316 00:57:22,667 --> 00:57:25,083 are not just ready to compete 1317 00:57:25,166 --> 00:57:28,083 but also supported through whatever may come 1318 00:57:28,166 --> 00:57:30,041 once the flame goes out. 1319 00:57:33,667 --> 00:57:36,750 My own mental health continues to be a challenge 1320 00:57:36,834 --> 00:57:39,250 that I need to address on a daily basis. 1321 00:57:39,333 --> 00:57:41,291 It's a part of my life 1322 00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:44,750 as much as being a husband and a father. 1323 00:57:44,834 --> 00:57:48,125 It took me a long time to be okay with saying that, 1324 00:57:48,208 --> 00:57:50,542 and I'm ready to spend as much time as I have to 1325 00:57:50,625 --> 00:57:52,000 in the years ahead 1326 00:57:52,083 --> 00:57:56,750 to make sure others know that there's help out there 1327 00:57:56,834 --> 00:57:59,792 and that it's okay to not be okay. 1328 00:59:56,500 --> 00:59:58,041 announcer: This has been a presentation 1329 00:59:58,125 --> 00:59:59,709 of HBO Sports.