1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:09,008 ¶ 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:09,742 ¶ 5 00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:11,443 Okay. 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,546 I'm swimming up stream a bit here but... 7 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,248 I really do love LA. 8 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,649 I mean, it's okay. 9 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,151 You don't like it here? 10 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:21,320 No, I do, I like it, it's just... 11 00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,521 there's too many people. 12 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,189 The traffic, it's insane. 13 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,325 The smog is out of control. 14 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,494 Yeah, but we have nice beaches. 15 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:31,430 People are pretty mellow so I'd give it like a 50/50. 16 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,033 -Ey, I'll take 50/50. -Good. 17 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:35,100 At least you don't hate it. 18 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,336 Yeah, yeah. 19 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,137 Want some? 20 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,238 No, I'm good. 21 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,439 Okay, you're good. 22 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,307 Let's get some pie! 23 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,710 No, I'm too high to be in public right now. 24 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,412 I can't, I can't do it. 25 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,213 Why didn't you stop us from getting so high? 26 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,481 I don't know. 27 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,583 -Yeah, I'm really high too. -I know. 28 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:55,120 -This is your fault. -I'm sorry. 29 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,221 Ugh. 30 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,824 Yeah, I'm high. 31 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,526 Damn. 32 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,194 What are we gonna do? 33 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,164 We're gonna make pie. 34 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,465 -We're gonna make pie? -Yeah. 35 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,499 -Like you and me? -Yeah. 36 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,468 -Together? -Yeah, yeah. 37 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,538 -Yeah, you and me, uh-huh. -No, we are? 38 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,106 All right. 39 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,175 I'll just take your word for it. 40 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,776 Get it excited for it. Right now. 41 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,144 -Can you drive? -I'm good. 42 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,446 I'm good, I'm good. 43 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,447 You can't get pie but you can drive? 44 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,482 -Right, right. -Okay. 45 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:31,690 ¶ 46 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,729 We're not gonna miss these. 47 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:42,701 Okay and then for the pie crust. 48 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,303 I don't know, just add water. 49 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,239 ¶ 50 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,576 Stocks are down. 51 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:53,112 Which ones? 52 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,747 Uh, the red ones. 53 00:01:55,749 --> 00:02:05,524 ¶ 54 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,905 Seriously? You still watch Mel Gibson movies? 55 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,507 Oh, absolutely. 56 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,175 But the whole Jewish thing! 57 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,844 What? I mean, it's art. It's art. 58 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,514 You wouldn't stop watching Disney movies, would you? 59 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,249 Mmm, well turns out he's not quite the bigot 60 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,783 everyone thought he was. 61 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,453 Well, there's gotta be a better example out there anyway. 62 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,388 -No, no. -No. 63 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,691 ¶ 64 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,593 And you know, I've always thought 65 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,495 that if Mel Gibson and I like just got to know each other 66 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,863 a little bit, could turn him around 67 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,399 on the whole Jewish thing. 68 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,800 Right. 69 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:54,306 ¶ 70 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,807 Coming in hot. 71 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,776 There you go and one for me. 72 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,811 So ready. 73 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,713 Me too. 74 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,583 -Ugh, okay, yes. -Here we go. 75 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,858 -Oh. -This is so bad. 76 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,593 So bad. 77 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,262 It's like really bad. 78 00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:20,465 Don't gag. 79 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:21,833 No--I'm serious. 80 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,769 Don't you-- 81 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,870 Oh my god. 82 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:29,308 No, no, wait it gets better. 83 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:33,278 It just tastes way too authentic. 84 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,215 It tastes kind of sweaty. 85 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:40,752 It tastes like the inside of my dogs mouth. 86 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,555 It tastes like when grandma wants you to stay 87 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:47,793 but you make up an excuse but leave anyway. 88 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,929 It tastes like the bottom of Gandhi's feet. 89 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:54,766 Yeah it does. 90 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:58,804 Are you still eating it? 91 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,340 No, no, no. 92 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,408 In cash, yeah. 93 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,244 How long is that going to take? 94 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:10,315 Okay, all right, thank you, thank you, bye. 95 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:13,285 Okay, it's going to be about an hour. 96 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,487 Well, what do you want to do? 97 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:19,825 ¶ 98 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,261 -So addicting. -Is it? 99 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,529 -This is all I ever need. -It's over. 100 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,266 I won't move after this day. 101 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,700 ¶ 102 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,371 (knocking) 103 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:41,880 ¶ 104 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,955 -Cheers. -Cheers. 105 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,457 -Mmm, it's good. -Mhm, it is. 106 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,594 -It's like really fucking good. -It's so good. 107 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,763 Well, you are really high though. 108 00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,331 I'm really high. 109 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:03,969 (chuckling) 110 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,939 So why do you like pie so much? 111 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,575 Hm. 112 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,610 ¶ 113 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,945 Who doesn't like pie. 114 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,814 I wouldn't trust someone who doesn't like pie 115 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,516 or dogs. 116 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,552 You always do pie on the first date? 117 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,521 Hm, I try to, you know. 118 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,922 Why? 119 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,725 ¶ 120 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,794 It's easy. 121 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,829 It's cheap. 122 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,664 Sometimes-- and this has happened, 123 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,434 sometimes there's no spark, sometimes it's just not there. 124 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:39,071 Sometimes I don't like her, she doesn't like me. 125 00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:42,040 I'm a little anxious, she's a little boring. 126 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:46,545 Okay, what's the worst date you've ever been on? 127 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:50,048 Let's not call it the worst date or the best worst date. 128 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,751 -Maybe just the weirdest date. -Okay? 129 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,920 Cause in the end I kind of have a good time. 130 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,488 Right, right, right, okay. 131 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,124 -Tell me more. -Okay, all right. 132 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,926 I think it was like two years ago. 133 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:04,529 We're meeting at Dupar's, I mean, we were getting pie. 134 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:09,000 Wait, were you wearing your date-night-shirt? 135 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,570 -This shirt? -Yeah. 136 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:15,407 -No. -Mhm. 137 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,509 -Met her on Tinder. -Naturally. 138 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,011 And in all of her pictures she's wearing 139 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,381 very cute, like pixie-type things. 140 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,815 -Does that make sense? -Yeah, yeah. 141 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,484 But I was into it, I was into it. 142 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,686 So wait, what was she wearing when she rolled up though? 143 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,155 Oh like head-to-toe goth. 144 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,124 Nothing but. 145 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,492 I mean, black dress, 146 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,127 black lipstick, 147 00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:36,762 black veil over her eyes. 148 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,897 -The whole thing. -Oh my gosh. 149 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,701 And--and I'm not--I'm probably exaggerating to an extent 150 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,003 but I remember her just being a foot taller. 151 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,938 Just like looking down at me. 152 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,707 -Wait what did you do? -What do you mean, 153 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,175 -what did I do? -Well, did you leave? 154 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,811 -No, no way. -What? What? 155 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,780 No way, there's rules you know. 156 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,449 You sign up for pie you get me. 157 00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:02,521 Or you sign up for me and you get some pie. 158 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,523 -One or the other. -One or the other. 159 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,492 And like I said, it ended up being a pretty good time. 160 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:11,863 I would've missed out on meeting a perfectly decent, 161 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,799 perfectly sweet person. 162 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:19,905 ¶ 163 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,807 Wow. 164 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,943 -For real. -That's sweet of you. 165 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,713 -I have my moments. -Rare. 166 00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,082 This pie is so fucking good. 167 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:34,152 I'm gonna finish this whole thing and jump off the roof. 168 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:37,556 -Uh-oh. -Oh your hair. 169 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,891 You should wash it. 170 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,894 Aw, lady trying to save the tramp. 171 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,864 Oh, well can't a lady try? 172 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,199 She can. 173 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:57,075 ¶ 174 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,743 Sorry, I completely lost my train of thought. 175 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,312 What exactly did you want to talk to me about today? 176 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,948 Oh, oh, yeah, it's... 177 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,084 so I've been taking my dates out for pie. 178 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,288 So you've been dating, good. 179 00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:20,125 How have you felt different since you started dating? 180 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:25,830 I feel like I've been having these micro relationships. 181 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,733 Why do you use the word micro? 182 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:33,605 Because it's another word for small. 183 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:37,709 All right, it--it feels like all simmer and no boil. 184 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,779 Yeah sometimes these things take time to develop. 185 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,614 Yeah well, sometimes they don't. 186 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:47,652 It's overstated but you won't know until you try. 187 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:50,889 -It is overstated. -Look, 188 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,725 everyone comes into our lives for a season, 189 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,695 a reason and forever. 190 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,898 Don't worry about the ones who will be there forever. 191 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,601 Just enjoy the ones for a season and... 192 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,103 remember the ones for a reason. 193 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,173 Do you understand what that means? 194 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:12,277 It means that no one knows anything. 195 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,145 Look, this isn't a quiz. 196 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,880 Just think about it. 197 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,248 Take it home with ya. 198 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,350 I can take it home with me. 199 00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:21,252 And remember... 200 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,856 A season, a reason and forever. 201 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:30,729 ¶ 202 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,697 (laughing) 203 00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,833 Oh yeah, I love this movie! 204 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:38,403 My great Uncle Chester was just violently murdered. 205 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,006 ¶ 206 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,241 (laughing) 207 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,277 ¶ 208 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,278 (shouting) 209 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,749 (slashing) 210 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:58,023 (laughing) 211 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,791 So she tells me to like trim up 212 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,860 and I'm thinking to myself, well all right, fine. 213 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,362 What I'll do--and tell me what your thoughts are here 214 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,097 cause I'm really curious, I was thinking about doing 215 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,333 a giant fade and then I was thinking at the bottom 216 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,769 I'd take some Nair and--Dude, where are you going? 217 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,337 I have a date actually. 218 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,272 Dude, it was The Empire Strikes Back night. 219 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,107 Every night's Empire Strikes Back. 220 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,143 Dude, I got your favorite popcorn from Trader Joe's. 221 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,011 Like, I thought this was like planned. 222 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:24,916 I appreciate it, I have a date with Jackie Collins. 223 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,418 Like, the Jackie Collins? 224 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,886 The Jackie Collins from high school. 225 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,421 How the fuck did you pull that off, dude? 226 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:31,056 We matched on Bumble. 227 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:34,092 Barry, Barry, Barry. 228 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,862 Barry, Barry, Barry. 229 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,799 Barry, Barry, Barry. 230 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,934 -Barry-- -This is the best part, man. 231 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,136 (shouting) 232 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,839 Shut the fuck up. 233 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,141 Dude, why are you wearing that shirt? 234 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,776 Why, what's wrong with this shirt? 235 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,344 I've known you for 16 years, 236 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,979 I think I met you in that shirt. 237 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,247 You cannot be wearing that shirt 238 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,449 on a date with Jackie Collins. 239 00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:58,450 No, it's--I love this shirt. 240 00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:00,985 It's like blue and red. 241 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,854 Are you taking her to the batting cages? 242 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,322 Cause that's what it looks like. 243 00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:05,789 You're taking her to the fucking batting cages. 244 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,992 No, I'm not taking her to the batting cages. 245 00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:09,961 That shirt sucks your presence right out of the room 246 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,429 and you need to change that shirt right now. 247 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,264 This is a good shirt-- Just don't get in my head. 248 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,899 -This is a good shirt. -You're embarrassing yourself. 249 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,134 No I'm not, this is a great shirt. 250 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,902 Are you trying to get laid? 251 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,238 Of course, well, maybe, this is the first date. 252 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,873 -No. -It's a great shirt. 253 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:22,907 Go back in your room, change your shirt. 254 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,275 I will loan you a goddamn shirt. 255 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,910 -I'm not changing the shirt. -That shirt, 256 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,779 I'm sorry, it's awful. It's fucking awful. 257 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,414 It's not awful, it is a quality-- 258 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,483 Dude, this is gonna be the demise of you! 259 00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,284 You need to do this for me! 260 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,521 You are not taking that fucking shirt out with you! 261 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,056 You're not wearing that shirt. 262 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,824 Go back in your room, change your shirt. 263 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,493 I will loan you a shirt, that shirt's awful. 264 00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:43,795 -I'm not changing the shirt. -You're fucking this up for us. 265 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,463 The shirt's fine, I'm fine, you're fucking with my head. 266 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,198 -This is awful! -I'm not changing the shirt. 267 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,334 Why? Are you trying to get laid? 268 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,869 You're fucking this up. 269 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,237 You're fucking this up for both of us. 270 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,806 Once again, once again. 271 00:12:54,808 --> 00:13:04,482 ¶ 272 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,640 Can I tell you something you don't know? 273 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,108 Sure. 274 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,043 What don't I know? 275 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:43,381 I had a huge crush on you in high school. 276 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,316 What? 277 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,085 You look like you're having a stroke right now. 278 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,420 I am having a stroke right now. 279 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,090 You had a crush on me in high school? 280 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:55,226 -No, you're fucking with me. -No. 281 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,631 -I don't believe you. -You should. 282 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:04,936 But I think I'm Asexual. 283 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,038 You can reproduce by yourself? 284 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,640 What? 285 00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,308 No, is that what you think it means? 286 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,477 That is what that means. 287 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,511 No, not at all. 288 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,446 I'm--I'm pretty sure. 289 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:19,017 Hammerhead sharks, banana slugs and Godzilla 290 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,585 can reproduce by themselves. 291 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,354 -That is not what Asexual means. -Hell yeah. 292 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,456 Alright, 80 percent sure. 293 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,358 You remember the movie in the '90s, Godzilla 294 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,927 just laid eggs all by itself. 295 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,629 -No, it means-- -Yup, 100 percent. 296 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,499 -That is not what it means. -Are you sure? 297 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,235 It means I don't have sexual feelings. 298 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,970 What? 299 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,572 Yeah, I just don't enjoy sex. 300 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,009 -You don't enjoy sex at all? -Yeah. 301 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,512 I mean, I've always known I was different but... 302 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,214 -I've never had an orgasm. -Uh-huh. 303 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,350 Every guy says, "I'll give you an orgasm" 304 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,652 -and he never does. -Right but what happens 305 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:58,423 -when you're having sex? -Oh, I let them do their thing. 306 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:03,227 You just let them do their thing? 307 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,662 Ugh. 308 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,297 It's completely consensual. 309 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,633 No, not that part, the other part. 310 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,601 I guess I'm just imagining if it were me 311 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,237 and someone else telling me that everything I'm doing 312 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:17,075 when I'm having sex is not, like they're not enjoying any 313 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,244 part of it, that horrifies me. 314 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:23,081 On a really deep level. 315 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,615 I mean, I'm sorry, that sucks. 316 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,352 I'm sorry that you don't enjoy sex but like fuck, 317 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:32,123 oh my god, like I can see it. 318 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,725 Sex is awesome. 319 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:37,095 I mean, I love having sex. 320 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:40,665 You really don't enjoy having sex? 321 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,634 Like ever, ugh. 322 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,438 Oh my god, we're making out. 323 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,174 We are making out. 324 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,609 Are you sure? 325 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,444 Yeah, why not? 326 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,580 The whole Asexual thing. 327 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:59,017 Come on, I said I think I might be Asexual. 328 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:02,353 There's only one way to find out. 329 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,721 If you say so. 330 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,557 (grunting) 331 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:12,330 (video game chattering) 332 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,368 Yeah! Who's your sensei, bitch! 333 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,270 Nope, it's bow to your sensei. 334 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,772 Whatever, dude. 335 00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,473 You always play with fucking Kirby, dude. 336 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,176 -Such a bullshit character. -Such a hack. 337 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,413 Ugh, hate the player, boys, hate the player. 338 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,048 Yeah, whatever that fucking means. 339 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,183 Oh! Did you see that Falcon punch? 340 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,584 Ugh, fucker. 341 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,353 Oh, you like that? 342 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,188 Oh, Falcon punch! 343 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,723 Get ready to get fucked! 344 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,126 You guys have serious fucking shit to work through. 345 00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:44,062 Well, eventually he'll put pants back on. 346 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,264 Yeah, after I'm done fucking eating ass right now. 347 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,799 -Fucker. -Yeah, that's exactly what 348 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,367 I'm talking about, you guys spend way too much 349 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,770 -fucking time together. -Dammit! 350 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,307 Ugh, ugh. 351 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,110 Oh, dude, aren't you going out with what's-her-face? 352 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,311 Yup, I'm going out with what's-her-face. 353 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,679 Nice, nice. 354 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,214 Are you gonna put it in this time? 355 00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:04,748 Or are you gonna bite the bullet and jerk off as usual? 356 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,185 Well, I always bite the bullet and jerk off 357 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:12,557 but last time we did some stuff. 358 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,392 So did ya put it in? 359 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,294 Dude, why are you so interested? 360 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,697 I don't know, I mean, trust me, when he doesn't let laid 361 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:23,234 we all suffer. 362 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:26,104 Fuck yeah! 363 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,307 -Yeah, motherfucker. -Quit plaguing me, dog. 364 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,542 -Ugh. -Oh, aw damn, come on. 365 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:35,313 Oh yeah, fuck yeah. 366 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,481 Oh yes! 367 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,316 Suck it bitch! Who's your daddy? 368 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,718 Up top! Yeah, fuck you. 369 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,587 You play with Kirby and you do the whole like-- 370 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,589 if it ever gets down to one life left 371 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:48,159 you swallow me, drag me to the bottom and win. 372 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,327 Fucking hack character. 373 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,362 Such a hack character. 374 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,164 I mean, this has been fun. It's been great. 375 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,665 Whoa dude, hang on, we're having a tourney here. 376 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,501 This wasn't a tourney this was-- 377 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:57,835 Dude, we've only been playing for like four hours. 378 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,787 We're like not even halfway there. 379 00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:01,738 Why does it always have to be a tourney with you? 380 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,708 And if this isn't a tournament what is a tournament? 381 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:06,677 We need to get to the hand level. 382 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:07,912 -The hand level. -Are you guys like really... 383 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,847 Okay, fine but seriously though. 384 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,183 Like, we're not even like at like the Donkey Kong level, 385 00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,818 dude and you're already giving up? 386 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,753 I mean, yeah, I'm good but am I that good? 387 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,721 No. 388 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,788 Accept the challenge. 389 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,190 You won, take the win. 390 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,458 I am taking the win. 391 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,759 But you didn't accept the challenge. 392 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,294 I mean, I love this, I love this. 393 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,429 -This was exhausting. -This was, yeah, 394 00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:28,399 it was exhausting, I have a date. 395 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,368 Taking her out for pie again, aren't ya? 396 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:34,672 As a matter of fact, I am not taking her to pie but-- 397 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,375 -Good, thank god. -What's wrong with pie? 398 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:38,810 Everything's wrong with pie, dude. 399 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,244 -Nothing is wrong with pie. -You're a grown ass man. 400 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,280 How many times do I have to explain this? 401 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,748 The pie works. 402 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,950 -The pie works, Garrett. -Pie is like, 403 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:49,453 "Oh, I'm gonna go take my grandmother to Cocos for pie." 404 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,656 No, no, no, no this is Jackie fucking Collins. 405 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,291 At least fake like you have money. 406 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,926 -Do something. -Not everyone can be like you 407 00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:58,229 going around picking up chicks like a big, sweaty, hairy 408 00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,698 -Pepé Le Pew. -I'm just saying that you-- 409 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,201 you need to grow up-- you need to grow up. 410 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,303 -What? Like a bar? -Exactly. 411 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,771 You need to take her out to a bar. 412 00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,373 -Everyone enjoys pie. -Who doesn't like pie? 413 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,375 -Pies work for him. -Okay, in the past 414 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,644 but not with Jackie Collins, cause this-- 415 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,746 Jackie Collins is not like any other girl, man 416 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:19,217 and you need to respect her like that, okay. 417 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,618 -Cheers. -Cheers. 418 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:26,524 ¶ 419 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,559 Uh, hoo-hoo. 420 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,894 How ya doing, champ? 421 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,229 Very funny. 422 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:34,565 It's uh, quite hoppy. 423 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,368 I love this bar though it's um... 424 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,970 -it's very festive. -Yeah. 425 00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,372 -Yeah. -It's fun. 426 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,641 My friends and I used to come here a lot. 427 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,577 Oh wow, thirsty? 428 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:50,348 Uh, just a tad. 429 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:53,317 -So how's your parents? -Oh they're good. 430 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:56,587 Both semi-retired and living their best lives of course. 431 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,389 As they should. 432 00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,926 They're always asking if I'd like to move back home. 433 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,962 Nah, I could not live at home. 434 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,897 All my friends have like managed to not-- 435 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:09,367 they don't live at home but they like slowly moved 436 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,436 closer to the neighborhoods we all grew up in. 437 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,604 -You know? -Yeah. 438 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,341 -Yeah. -No. 439 00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:19,043 How's your fam doing? 440 00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:22,647 They're divorced but it's--it's fine. 441 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,816 It's--It's fine. 442 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:30,354 They're--it's better that they're, you know, 443 00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:34,325 they needed it but I don't know what they're gonna do, 444 00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:37,395 I mean, when I one day get married 445 00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:39,630 and they're forced to be in the same room 446 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:42,433 for an extended period of time but. 447 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,869 Yeah, that's actually all my parents keep talking about now. 448 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,605 -Yeah? -When I'll get married. 449 00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,607 Yeah, mine have moved on from the 450 00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:50,641 "When are you getting married" 451 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,576 to the "Please get married" 452 00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:56,747 and eventually the "Don't die alone" phase you know. 453 00:21:56,749 --> 00:22:00,384 Well, to divorced parent problems, you know. 454 00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:01,752 Woo! 455 00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:05,890 Well, you can always marry me. 456 00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,058 Yeah. 457 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:10,795 Why is that so funny? 458 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:14,498 It's not. 459 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,534 I would be so lucky. 460 00:22:16,536 --> 00:22:18,336 Yes, you would. 461 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:22,973 ¶ 462 00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:28,979 -(indistinct mumbling) -Shh, you'll wake up my aunt. 463 00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,848 -So this is home. -Turn the light off! 464 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,818 ¶ 465 00:22:37,090 --> 00:22:43,627 ¶ 466 00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:47,498 What's wrong with me, doctor? 467 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:48,899 -What? -Oh yeah. 468 00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:51,068 We're mid doing stuff, right? 469 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:54,839 And she stops and says "What's wrong with me, doctor?" 470 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,540 What did you say? 471 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:57,942 ¶ 472 00:22:57,944 --> 00:23:03,981 Nothing, nothing's wrong with you. 473 00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:06,484 -Nothing? You said nothing? -Yeah. 474 00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:08,753 -Why didn't you roleplay? -I don't--I don't know. 475 00:23:08,755 --> 00:23:10,688 -What's wrong with you? -I just ignored it. 476 00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:12,656 I don't know what to-- I don't roleplay. 477 00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:15,826 So you're telling me that you're in bed with Jackie Collins 478 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,062 about to roleplay and you did nothing? 479 00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:20,398 We did under the pants stuff. 480 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,867 So you did nothing and you got nothing. 481 00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:25,603 This is literally the worst day of my life. 482 00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:28,038 The worst day of our lives. 483 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,541 -Yeah. -Yeah. Are you kidding me? 484 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:31,642 What would you have done? 485 00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:33,744 What would I have done? 486 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,045 Oh let me tell you what-- 487 00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:36,547 ¶ 488 00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:40,151 (moaning) 489 00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:43,554 Oh, we shouldn't be doing this. It's so wrong. 490 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,122 This is so wrong, what if my husband finds out? 491 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,590 He won't, babe. 492 00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,025 Fuck me, Dr. G! 493 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,194 ¶ 494 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,833 What's the point? 495 00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,485 Are we going to hang these things by 496 00:23:57,486 --> 00:23:59,136 -highest grossing or not? -On the contrary, 497 00:23:59,138 --> 00:24:02,907 we're going to go by best reviewed by critics. 498 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,476 Therefore, we're going to do The Empire Strikes Back 499 00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:06,911 and then I think A New Hope 500 00:24:06,913 --> 00:24:09,013 and then lastly, we'll do Return of the Jedi. 501 00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:16,787 ¶ 502 00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:19,123 (typing) 503 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:20,991 Hey man, sorry I'm late. 504 00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:22,760 Hey buddy, it's all good. 505 00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:27,097 Next time just um--fuck it, I don't... 506 00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:30,201 Oh hey, by the way-- ugh man, what are you wearing? 507 00:24:30,203 --> 00:24:32,002 Come on. 508 00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:34,672 You said a collared shirt. This is a collared shirt. 509 00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:36,974 It's a collared shirt, that's a stupid collared shirt. 510 00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,510 You look like a drug dealer man, from the '80s 511 00:24:39,512 --> 00:24:42,213 in Miami who's 12. 512 00:24:42,215 --> 00:24:47,017 Well, that's exactly what I'm going for. 513 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:50,788 So you definitely have a virus. 514 00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:54,959 Uh, have you downloaded anything unusual lately? 515 00:24:54,961 --> 00:24:57,027 What would be unusual? 516 00:24:57,029 --> 00:24:59,630 Something in Russian 517 00:24:59,632 --> 00:25:05,603 or Czechoslovakian? 518 00:25:05,605 --> 00:25:11,876 ¶ 519 00:25:11,878 --> 00:25:13,811 Hey man, gonna need you to come in over the weekend 520 00:25:13,813 --> 00:25:16,981 -and reset everything. -Do I have a choice? 521 00:25:16,983 --> 00:25:18,616 (chuckling) 522 00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:20,251 Nope. 523 00:25:20,253 --> 00:25:28,826 ¶ 524 00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:33,664 ¶ If we had forever ¶ 525 00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:38,536 ¶ I hope we'd just get better, better, better ¶ 526 00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:43,574 ¶ That's why it's such a shame, yeah ¶ 527 00:25:43,576 --> 00:25:48,546 ¶ The ways we say the same, same, same ¶ 528 00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:51,148 ¶ Same, same, same ¶ 529 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:53,317 ¶ Next motel ¶ 530 00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:56,720 ¶ We'll give a try ¶ 531 00:25:56,722 --> 00:26:00,991 ¶ 532 00:26:00,993 --> 00:26:06,964 ¶ Ring a bell they'll deny ¶ 533 00:26:06,966 --> 00:26:09,233 ¶ Lie ¶ 534 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,168 ¶ 535 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:18,776 ¶ When the black is all you see ¶ 536 00:26:18,778 --> 00:26:27,351 ¶ Then it falls on me ¶ 537 00:26:27,353 --> 00:26:30,621 Fuck! God fucking dammit! 538 00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,056 Ugh! 539 00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:36,160 (phone ringing) 540 00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:37,828 -Hi Mom. -Hi honey. 541 00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:40,631 -This is your mother. -How are you? 542 00:26:40,633 --> 00:26:44,101 I'm good, you know, I'm just peachy. 543 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,202 What do you mean peachy? 544 00:26:45,204 --> 00:26:46,870 Like sunburned? 545 00:26:46,872 --> 00:26:49,974 No, not like sunburned peachy, like-- 546 00:26:49,976 --> 00:26:52,343 -how are you? -I'm okay. 547 00:26:52,345 --> 00:26:56,914 I'm drinking a little new wine. 548 00:26:56,916 --> 00:26:59,083 It's called Rose-y. 549 00:26:59,085 --> 00:27:01,819 Ah, rosé everyday, am I right? 550 00:27:01,821 --> 00:27:04,088 -Have you tried it? -Yeah, yeah, you know, 551 00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:06,824 -it's kind of fancy. -It's good. 552 00:27:06,826 --> 00:27:11,128 I'm not sure I--I feel it at all but... 553 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:12,997 -How's work? -Work is good. 554 00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:14,965 Just another day of being underqualified 555 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:17,901 and underpaid it's... 556 00:27:17,903 --> 00:27:20,638 You could always go back to school, sweetheart. 557 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,806 Or do porn. 558 00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:25,042 Sweetheart I love you 559 00:27:25,044 --> 00:27:27,711 but I have seen your penis. 560 00:27:27,713 --> 00:27:29,747 Okay, that's--that's... 561 00:27:29,749 --> 00:27:31,815 yeah, thanks Mom, I just, I really-- 562 00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,384 It's a wonderful penis. 563 00:27:33,386 --> 00:27:34,952 All I'm saying is-- 564 00:27:34,954 --> 00:27:39,256 Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, ya just--no, okay? 565 00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:42,693 -I gotta go. -Really? Why? 566 00:27:42,695 --> 00:27:44,995 Because I have a date and this isn't exactly the-- 567 00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:47,865 you know, pep talk I had in mind. 568 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:51,702 Okay, okay, I get it. 569 00:27:51,704 --> 00:27:55,039 -I love you. -I love you too, Mom. 570 00:27:55,041 --> 00:27:56,340 Oh and call your father. 571 00:27:56,342 --> 00:27:58,742 Make sure he's still alive. 572 00:27:58,744 --> 00:28:00,444 God knows who feeds that man. 573 00:28:00,446 --> 00:28:02,846 Uh, okay I will. 574 00:28:02,848 --> 00:28:04,114 Buh-bye. 575 00:28:04,116 --> 00:28:13,857 ¶ 576 00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:33,010 -That shirt is-- -That shirt. 577 00:28:33,012 --> 00:28:34,812 I mean, our colors totally match. 578 00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:36,246 -They're great, it's great. -It's amazing. 579 00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:39,483 They're kind of like druggie shirts but I mean, 580 00:28:39,485 --> 00:28:42,720 if anything our shirt game is on point. 581 00:28:42,722 --> 00:28:45,089 -Enjoy. -Thank you. 582 00:28:45,091 --> 00:28:48,892 -What's your zodiac sign? -Mine? Uh, Taurus. 583 00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:52,262 Oh my god, literally all of my friends are Tauruses. 584 00:28:52,264 --> 00:28:53,464 -Are they? -Yeah. 585 00:28:53,466 --> 00:28:56,333 Hm, that's wow. 586 00:28:56,335 --> 00:28:58,202 Hello, my name is Bailey 587 00:28:58,204 --> 00:28:59,970 and I'm gonna be playing you guys a song. 588 00:28:59,972 --> 00:29:05,008 Me? I am a Scorpio with a rising sign of Aquarius. 589 00:29:05,010 --> 00:29:07,511 Well, technically, the astrological signs 590 00:29:07,513 --> 00:29:11,348 have been shifting over the last thousand years or so 591 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,083 and like I was a Taurus right? 592 00:29:13,085 --> 00:29:15,853 According to science I'm actually an Aries. 593 00:29:15,855 --> 00:29:18,188 So what--uh sorry, what'd you say what was yours again? 594 00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:20,290 -A Scorpio. -Right, so by the time 595 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:22,760 you were born it was actually a Libra. 596 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:25,229 It's funny, like I read Aries again 597 00:29:25,231 --> 00:29:27,030 and after I read it enough it just sounded 598 00:29:27,032 --> 00:29:30,367 exactly the same to Taurus. 599 00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:32,269 And you know how it said you're sensual? 600 00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:36,406 They never explicitly say who's not sensual, you know. 601 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:41,111 Well, you know Aries actually tend to be hyper athletic, 602 00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:46,483 so you know, don't worry about it. 603 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:49,319 I don't even like pie. 604 00:29:49,321 --> 00:29:53,357 ¶... For small town kids ¶ 605 00:29:53,359 --> 00:30:03,333 ¶ 606 00:30:05,271 --> 00:30:10,541 ¶ Hack up the thistle like I've always done ¶ 607 00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:16,113 ¶ I've jumped back down and I've jumped back up ¶ 608 00:30:16,115 --> 00:30:18,315 ¶ 609 00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:21,985 ¶ And we'll drink muddy water ¶ 610 00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:29,493 ¶ Cause we know it only makes us stronger ¶ 611 00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:31,528 ¶ 612 00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:41,505 ¶ I don't give a damn if you do or you don't no longer ¶ 613 00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:53,183 ¶ 614 00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:13,337 ¶ Run to the hollow by the old trash plant ¶ 615 00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:19,910 ¶ The pig farms closed but kids are still live wire ¶ 616 00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:25,349 ¶ Run to the river by the jumping bridge ¶ 617 00:31:25,351 --> 00:31:27,417 ¶ You'll meet all kinds ¶ 618 00:31:27,419 --> 00:31:31,088 ¶ When you're a small town kid ¶ 619 00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:34,491 ¶ 620 00:31:34,493 --> 00:31:39,363 ¶ And we'll drink muddy water cause we know ¶ 621 00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:45,235 ¶ It only makes us stronger ¶ 622 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:47,337 ¶ 623 00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:49,940 ¶ I don't give a shoot ¶ 624 00:31:49,942 --> 00:31:53,043 ¶ But alright if you do ¶ 625 00:31:53,045 --> 00:32:00,484 ¶ No longer ¶ 626 00:32:00,486 --> 00:32:10,394 ¶ 627 00:32:17,569 --> 00:32:20,971 (clapping) 628 00:32:20,973 --> 00:32:24,207 Thank you. 629 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:38,255 ¶ 630 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:49,399 Oh, hey, it's you. 631 00:32:49,401 --> 00:32:51,034 No pie today? 632 00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:54,071 No, my pie had other plans. 633 00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:58,041 ¶ 634 00:32:58,043 --> 00:33:00,610 You played well tonight. 635 00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:02,746 You play well every night though. 636 00:33:02,748 --> 00:33:04,581 Right, you're there a lot. 637 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:06,984 Yeah, so are you. 638 00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:08,585 I am, every Thursday. 639 00:33:08,587 --> 00:33:14,558 Every Thursday. 640 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,026 -What can I get you? -A pilsner. 641 00:33:16,028 --> 00:33:17,527 You got it. 642 00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:20,130 So seriously, why pie? 643 00:33:20,132 --> 00:33:23,400 It's fucking cheap 644 00:33:23,402 --> 00:33:28,071 and it tastes good. 645 00:33:28,073 --> 00:33:30,007 Thanks, I'm gonna leave it open. 646 00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:32,042 Who doesn't like pie? 647 00:33:32,044 --> 00:33:36,179 ¶ 648 00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:38,315 What happened to that one? 649 00:33:38,317 --> 00:33:41,251 It's a quiche. 650 00:33:41,253 --> 00:33:44,388 You uh, you work for quiche? 651 00:33:44,390 --> 00:33:46,256 Not only quiche. 652 00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:48,692 They feel bad that they pay us so little so 653 00:33:48,694 --> 00:33:51,495 they make it up in pie. 654 00:33:51,497 --> 00:33:54,264 And you chose quiche? 655 00:33:54,266 --> 00:33:56,700 -It doubles as breakfast. -Hm. 656 00:33:56,702 --> 00:34:00,237 ¶ 657 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:04,074 So seriously, why do I always see you there? 658 00:34:04,076 --> 00:34:07,611 For the music. 659 00:34:07,613 --> 00:34:08,612 Another round? 660 00:34:08,614 --> 00:34:16,186 Yes but really dirty this time. 661 00:34:16,188 --> 00:34:23,126 Like really dirty. 662 00:34:23,128 --> 00:34:26,763 -Like filthy. -I got it. 663 00:34:26,765 --> 00:34:30,567 Slap me in the face first kind of filth. 664 00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:32,169 I got it. 665 00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:41,812 ¶ 666 00:34:47,453 --> 00:34:52,122 I uh, I never got your name. 667 00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,623 Bailey. 668 00:34:53,625 --> 00:34:55,592 Some people call me Bay. 669 00:34:55,594 --> 00:35:00,097 Do you uh, play pool, Bailey? 670 00:35:00,099 --> 00:35:02,566 Do you know how to play pool? 671 00:35:02,568 --> 00:35:05,402 Does it matter? 672 00:35:05,404 --> 00:35:08,605 Okay, so nothing's gonna happen here 673 00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:10,774 between you and me. 674 00:35:10,776 --> 00:35:14,344 Right, I get it, you're gay. 675 00:35:14,346 --> 00:35:19,616 Yeah, I actually am gay. 676 00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:21,618 Dope. 677 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:26,389 ¶ 678 00:35:26,391 --> 00:35:28,859 Pool? 679 00:35:28,861 --> 00:35:31,528 ¶ 680 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:37,667 -So music is neat. -It sure is. 681 00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:41,771 -Is that why you're out here? -It's why I stayed. 682 00:35:41,773 --> 00:35:43,240 Do tell. 683 00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:48,512 ¶ 684 00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:53,750 Classic story of another girl chasing another girl to LA. 685 00:35:53,752 --> 00:35:56,653 Tried and true tale. 686 00:35:56,655 --> 00:36:00,390 So where's this young woman now? 687 00:36:00,392 --> 00:36:02,659 She moved back to Chicago. 688 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:04,394 Oh yeah? Is that where you're from? 689 00:36:04,396 --> 00:36:05,529 Sure is. 690 00:36:05,531 --> 00:36:10,901 Good ol' Chicago. 691 00:36:10,903 --> 00:36:14,771 So why'd you stay out here? 692 00:36:14,773 --> 00:36:21,411 Well... 693 00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:23,246 I've been playing music my whole life 694 00:36:23,248 --> 00:36:25,382 and when she left me for a guy 695 00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:27,284 who worked at the bar she worked at 696 00:36:27,286 --> 00:36:31,321 I started writing super depressing songs about it. 697 00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:32,455 Ah, man. 698 00:36:32,457 --> 00:36:35,525 So she was gay and is not-- 699 00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,460 I don't think she ever really was gay. 700 00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:39,663 ¶ 701 00:36:39,665 --> 00:36:41,865 I think it really is just a phase for some people. 702 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:51,541 ¶ 703 00:36:58,850 --> 00:37:01,718 About a year later I found out that she got pregnant 704 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,987 and moved back. 705 00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:06,890 Had to find out through a mutual friend of ours. 706 00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:11,428 -Uck. -She probably did me a favor. 707 00:37:11,430 --> 00:37:13,396 What favor was that? 708 00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:16,499 ¶ 709 00:37:16,501 --> 00:37:19,569 Well... 710 00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:21,504 Had I not chased her all the way out here 711 00:37:21,506 --> 00:37:23,707 I wouldn't be working day in and day out 712 00:37:23,709 --> 00:37:25,675 at a music career to justify it all. 713 00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:35,619 ¶ 714 00:37:42,794 --> 00:37:48,865 You got any plans after this epic game of pool? 715 00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:51,768 Uh, no, normally I'm better 716 00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:52,936 but to answer your question, no. 717 00:37:52,938 --> 00:37:54,704 Oh, normally you're better? 718 00:37:54,706 --> 00:37:56,673 Oh wow. 719 00:37:56,675 --> 00:38:00,610 Normally I'm much worse, so there you go. 720 00:38:00,612 --> 00:38:02,412 Evens out. 721 00:38:02,414 --> 00:38:05,482 ¶ 722 00:38:05,484 --> 00:38:07,350 Want to smoke some weed? 723 00:38:07,352 --> 00:38:08,852 Not here. 724 00:38:08,854 --> 00:38:11,788 ¶ 725 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:14,391 (sighing) 726 00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:18,395 Okay, so keeping in mind that I find you unattractive. 727 00:38:18,397 --> 00:38:20,830 -Totally. -And all penis is super gross. 728 00:38:20,832 --> 00:38:22,966 -So gross. -Do you want to come back 729 00:38:22,968 --> 00:38:25,835 to my place, smoke some weed and listen to music 730 00:38:25,837 --> 00:38:27,904 the way it's meant to be listened to? 731 00:38:27,906 --> 00:38:30,974 In women's clothing? 732 00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:33,376 What? 733 00:38:33,378 --> 00:38:34,377 No. 734 00:38:34,379 --> 00:38:35,378 No. 735 00:38:35,380 --> 00:38:37,414 -Uh. -No. 736 00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:40,350 -On vinyl. -On vinyl. 737 00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:42,686 -Are you gay? -I'm not gay. 738 00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:46,656 -That was kind of gay. -Isn't everyone a little gay? 739 00:38:46,658 --> 00:38:49,392 You know, never mind sorry, no. 740 00:38:49,394 --> 00:38:50,960 I'd love to... 741 00:38:50,962 --> 00:38:53,463 -do what you just said. -Cool. 742 00:38:53,465 --> 00:38:54,964 Let's get out of here. 743 00:38:54,966 --> 00:39:04,941 ¶ 744 00:39:18,090 --> 00:39:19,823 Ah. 745 00:39:19,825 --> 00:39:22,792 It's so big. 746 00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:24,494 What? 747 00:39:24,496 --> 00:39:26,396 Look at all this stuff. 748 00:39:26,398 --> 00:39:30,467 Did I say you could touch anything? 749 00:39:30,469 --> 00:39:31,901 Just kidding. 750 00:39:31,903 --> 00:39:33,636 Kind of. 751 00:39:33,638 --> 00:39:34,971 Be careful. 752 00:39:34,973 --> 00:39:37,974 Yes, ma'am. 753 00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:40,643 What do you think? 754 00:39:40,645 --> 00:39:44,881 Good, it's like uh, breakfast at midnight right? 755 00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:50,520 What? 756 00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:52,889 You think I haven't had quiche before? 757 00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:54,991 I've had quiche. 758 00:39:54,993 --> 00:39:56,993 I'm cultured. 759 00:39:56,995 --> 00:40:00,530 Look at you, living up to the hipster name. 760 00:40:00,532 --> 00:40:02,899 Shall we? 761 00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:08,071 ¶...And run away ¶ 762 00:40:08,073 --> 00:40:09,606 ¶ I know you're going to...¶ 763 00:40:09,608 --> 00:40:11,107 I know a little French. 764 00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:13,877 Oh? 765 00:40:13,879 --> 00:40:17,414 Je suis un espion. 766 00:40:17,416 --> 00:40:19,516 You're a spy? 767 00:40:19,518 --> 00:40:22,652 Is that what that means? 768 00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:27,457 -So what do you do? -Well, a few different things. 769 00:40:27,459 --> 00:40:31,161 Uh, I'm an IT guy. 770 00:40:31,163 --> 00:40:38,468 ¶...All I'm asking you now is to walk away from my life ¶ 771 00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:41,204 You like it? 772 00:40:41,206 --> 00:40:46,609 I don't love it but, I mean... 773 00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,211 ¶ I bet you got it wrong ¶ 774 00:40:48,213 --> 00:40:51,714 ¶ The moment you laid your eyes on me ¶ 775 00:40:51,716 --> 00:40:53,149 ...I don't sit around thinking about 776 00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:55,919 when is the day going to end or you know, 777 00:40:55,921 --> 00:40:58,488 you know, staring out the window 778 00:40:58,490 --> 00:41:00,490 wishing I would die. 779 00:41:00,492 --> 00:41:02,659 There's worse things in life. 780 00:41:02,661 --> 00:41:06,029 What about you? 781 00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:10,733 Well, between all my little shows and singing lessons 782 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:17,040 and some bartending I barely scrape by. 783 00:41:17,042 --> 00:41:19,876 Yeah but you love it. 784 00:41:19,878 --> 00:41:22,846 Yeah, sometimes I do. 785 00:41:22,848 --> 00:41:28,751 Uh, sometimes I wonder why I'm doing it. 786 00:41:28,753 --> 00:41:30,720 I mean, I'm not waiting for the day to end 787 00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:34,891 but I just... 788 00:41:34,893 --> 00:41:38,127 between all my little projects and... 789 00:41:38,129 --> 00:41:40,864 the progress I think I'm making 790 00:41:40,866 --> 00:41:47,837 and work I find it's all just blending together 791 00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:55,011 and watching my life in a blur pass through a bus window. 792 00:41:55,013 --> 00:41:57,514 Now that was some hashtag art. 793 00:41:57,516 --> 00:42:00,116 Loneliness breeds inspiration. 794 00:42:00,118 --> 00:42:02,652 That's what I tell everybody. 795 00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:05,221 -I look like my mother. -Nice. 796 00:42:05,223 --> 00:42:07,657 ¶ I bet you got it wrong the moment ¶ 797 00:42:07,659 --> 00:42:12,262 ¶ You laid your eyes on me ¶ 798 00:42:12,264 --> 00:42:13,963 I look like my mother. 799 00:42:13,965 --> 00:42:19,936 ¶ First and last gone in my universe ¶ 800 00:42:19,938 --> 00:42:22,672 ¶ Time to move on and pack your stuff ¶ 801 00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:24,774 ¶ And run away ¶ 802 00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:27,310 ¶ 803 00:42:27,312 --> 00:42:29,279 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 804 00:42:29,281 --> 00:42:31,281 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 805 00:42:31,283 --> 00:42:33,249 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 806 00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:35,118 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 807 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,655 ¶ I know you think it hurts...¶ 808 00:42:38,657 --> 00:42:45,695 ¶ 809 00:42:55,173 --> 00:42:57,941 If you can imagine this 810 00:42:57,943 --> 00:43:03,313 you can imagine me anywhere you want. 811 00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:06,816 (birds chirping) 812 00:43:11,856 --> 00:43:21,831 ¶ 813 00:43:22,734 --> 00:43:25,101 (computer rattling) 814 00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:28,738 Okay. 815 00:43:28,740 --> 00:43:30,940 ¶ 816 00:43:30,942 --> 00:43:33,643 I mean, I'm assuming, yes, people work here, 817 00:43:33,645 --> 00:43:34,911 but not on the weekends, 818 00:43:34,913 --> 00:43:37,280 and that's why they have me come in. 819 00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:39,649 Siri, how do I open a Dell? 820 00:43:39,651 --> 00:43:41,017 Now playing Adele. 821 00:43:41,019 --> 00:43:43,620 (keyboard clacking) 822 00:43:43,622 --> 00:43:45,121 ¶ 823 00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:47,323 It's mostly just unplugging stuff 824 00:43:47,325 --> 00:43:49,058 and plugging it back in. 825 00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:50,393 ¶ 826 00:43:50,395 --> 00:43:52,195 There's free coffee. 827 00:43:52,197 --> 00:43:54,731 I'm not just gonna eat people's food out of the fridge. 828 00:43:54,733 --> 00:43:56,399 ¶ 829 00:44:09,014 --> 00:44:12,015 You got this, you got this. 830 00:44:12,017 --> 00:44:13,182 You're the man. 831 00:44:13,184 --> 00:44:14,417 Who's the man? You're the man. 832 00:44:14,419 --> 00:44:17,186 I'm the man, yeah. 833 00:44:17,188 --> 00:44:19,756 (humming) 834 00:44:21,292 --> 00:44:23,192 Ooh, blueberry! 835 00:44:23,194 --> 00:44:24,994 (chuckling) 836 00:44:24,996 --> 00:44:26,663 Would you fuck me? 837 00:44:26,665 --> 00:44:29,032 I'd fuck me. 838 00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:30,266 I'd fuck me hard. 839 00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:32,702 (laughing) 840 00:44:32,704 --> 00:44:34,404 Yeah, yeah. 841 00:44:34,406 --> 00:44:44,380 ¶ 842 00:44:48,019 --> 00:44:50,887 (inaudible) 843 00:44:50,889 --> 00:44:52,055 No! 844 00:44:52,057 --> 00:44:53,322 -No way! -100 percent, yeah. 845 00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:54,424 It was extremely embarrassing. 846 00:44:54,426 --> 00:44:56,125 How much weed did you eat? 847 00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:58,461 Well, like enough to, you know, pass out in front of, 848 00:44:58,463 --> 00:45:00,096 in front of everybody, the stewards, 849 00:45:00,098 --> 00:45:01,631 the steward, you know, 850 00:45:01,632 --> 00:45:03,165 -flight operators... -You're so cute. 851 00:45:03,168 --> 00:45:04,867 ...you know, whatever they're called. 852 00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:07,370 -Oh, my God! -Mm-hm. 853 00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:08,871 Well, what else happened? 854 00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,406 Well, I woke up, 855 00:45:10,408 --> 00:45:12,341 and people were yelling, "Is there a doctor on the plane?" 856 00:45:12,343 --> 00:45:14,343 -The whole-- -Oh! 857 00:45:14,345 --> 00:45:15,745 Yeah. 858 00:45:15,747 --> 00:45:17,980 -No, I can barely believe that. -Top ten. 859 00:45:17,982 --> 00:45:19,382 I know, me too. 860 00:45:19,384 --> 00:45:20,483 One of the most embarrassing things 861 00:45:20,485 --> 00:45:22,085 that's ever happened to me. 862 00:45:22,087 --> 00:45:24,020 But, uh, like, they let me lay down, 863 00:45:24,022 --> 00:45:26,155 and they kept bringing me snacks, like orange juice, 864 00:45:26,157 --> 00:45:27,790 -and all this stuff. -Oh! 865 00:45:27,792 --> 00:45:29,025 -Did they? -They did. 866 00:45:29,027 --> 00:45:31,227 -Oh, you're on to something. -Mm. 867 00:45:31,229 --> 00:45:32,428 (laughing) 868 00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,197 Uh, baggage claim was 869 00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:36,999 -extremely, extremely awkward. -Oh, I bet. 870 00:45:37,001 --> 00:45:38,468 Yeah, oh, yeah. 871 00:45:38,470 --> 00:45:40,403 -This pie! -Yeah, it's so cute! 872 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,971 -It's like a little shot of pie! -It's so cute! 873 00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:43,172 It's so cute. 874 00:45:43,174 --> 00:45:45,274 I love it, it's little like me! 875 00:45:45,276 --> 00:45:48,745 (laughing) 876 00:45:48,747 --> 00:45:51,214 -Mm, I'm sorry. -Oh. 877 00:45:51,216 --> 00:45:52,381 ¶ 878 00:45:52,383 --> 00:45:53,850 You mind if I take this? 879 00:45:53,852 --> 00:45:54,951 -No, it's okay. -Okay. 880 00:45:54,953 --> 00:45:56,385 -Yeah. -I'll be back. 881 00:45:56,387 --> 00:45:58,187 -One sec. -Okay. 882 00:45:58,189 --> 00:46:08,164 ¶ 883 00:46:12,470 --> 00:46:15,371 Okay, Dad, have you called 9-1-1? 884 00:46:15,373 --> 00:46:17,373 No, no, I, 885 00:46:17,375 --> 00:46:18,541 I'm in bed. 886 00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:19,909 You're fine? 887 00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:21,377 You feel fine now? 888 00:46:21,379 --> 00:46:23,379 I'm feelin' better, I just, when I get up, 889 00:46:23,381 --> 00:46:26,082 I feel like everything starts spinning around. 890 00:46:26,084 --> 00:46:27,350 Well, all right, if at any point, 891 00:46:27,352 --> 00:46:29,886 this--it feels--you get worse, 892 00:46:29,888 --> 00:46:32,221 you're gonna hang up and dial 9-1-1, right? 893 00:46:32,223 --> 00:46:33,256 Okay. 894 00:46:33,258 --> 00:46:34,557 -Okay? -Yeah, okay. 895 00:46:34,559 --> 00:46:36,259 -You promise? -I promise! 896 00:46:36,261 --> 00:46:39,829 Well, other than this life-threatening situation, 897 00:46:39,831 --> 00:46:43,132 how are you, did you catch the game? 898 00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:45,067 Ugh, the game. 899 00:46:45,069 --> 00:46:47,036 That's probably why I'm dyin'. 900 00:46:47,038 --> 00:46:48,571 Dad, you're not dying, okay? 901 00:46:48,573 --> 00:46:49,939 You're not dying. 902 00:46:49,941 --> 00:46:51,240 Those bums, did you see that? 903 00:46:51,242 --> 00:46:53,976 They lost by 20 points! 904 00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:55,244 But, yeah, that was awful. 905 00:46:55,246 --> 00:46:57,814 They, they, they, they, they blow this year. 906 00:46:57,816 --> 00:47:01,951 They're just gonna have to suck for a little while, it's-- 907 00:47:01,953 --> 00:47:04,220 You're not dying, the point is you're not dying, okay? 908 00:47:04,222 --> 00:47:07,223 -I don't wanna hear it. -Eh. 909 00:47:07,225 --> 00:47:09,275 Dad, I can't do this. 910 00:47:09,276 --> 00:47:11,326 I'm gonna call the paramedics, okay? 911 00:47:11,329 --> 00:47:14,931 ¶ 912 00:47:14,933 --> 00:47:17,233 Dad, Dad. 913 00:47:17,235 --> 00:47:18,968 Hey, buddy, how's it goin'? 914 00:47:18,970 --> 00:47:20,203 It's goin', how are you? 915 00:47:20,205 --> 00:47:21,938 Me? I'm fine, I'm feelin' better! 916 00:47:21,940 --> 00:47:23,339 -Yeah? -Yeah! 917 00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:24,907 Can you get outta bed? What's--? 918 00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:27,043 Well, I got outta bed a little while ago. 919 00:47:27,045 --> 00:47:28,911 I got a little woozy, but I feel okay. 920 00:47:28,913 --> 00:47:30,446 Nah, nah, Dad, come on, we talked about this. 921 00:47:30,448 --> 00:47:32,048 I'm calling, I'm calling 9-1-1, okay? 922 00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:33,482 -Ah, come on, don't call 9-1-1. -No, I gotta. 923 00:47:33,484 --> 00:47:34,967 No, really, you don't have to call. 924 00:47:34,968 --> 00:47:36,451 -Yes, I do! -Do me a favor, just stay here 925 00:47:36,454 --> 00:47:37,954 with me tonight, that's all. 926 00:47:37,956 --> 00:47:39,455 Let me look up, I gotta look up the symptoms. 927 00:47:39,457 --> 00:47:42,024 Like, you, like, I-- 928 00:47:42,026 --> 00:47:43,337 Well, you can look up the symptoms. 929 00:47:43,338 --> 00:47:44,649 I don't know what you think you're gonna find 930 00:47:44,650 --> 00:47:45,961 -over there, I'm fine! -Well, I'm just, you know, 931 00:47:45,964 --> 00:47:48,197 lookin' 'em--uh, right, right. 932 00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:51,267 Um, okay, well, it could be 933 00:47:51,269 --> 00:47:53,569 a cold, the flu, 934 00:47:53,571 --> 00:47:55,905 indigestion, gas, 935 00:47:55,907 --> 00:47:57,506 stomach cancer, 936 00:47:57,508 --> 00:47:59,308 gonorrhea, 937 00:47:59,310 --> 00:48:02,044 fuckin' super AIDS, I don't 938 00:48:02,046 --> 00:48:05,615 know why I thought that would help. 939 00:48:05,617 --> 00:48:08,317 I'm callin', I'm doin' it, I'm callin' 9-1-1, okay? 940 00:48:08,319 --> 00:48:09,585 -Is that what you wanna do? -Yeah. 941 00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:11,520 Yes, it is, yes. 942 00:48:11,522 --> 00:48:12,989 Yes, I'm-- 943 00:48:12,991 --> 00:48:14,557 You wanna call 9-1-1? 944 00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,325 Yeah, I'm calling 9-1-1. 945 00:48:16,327 --> 00:48:19,996 -All right, fine, call 9-1-1. -I'm--yes. 946 00:48:19,998 --> 00:48:24,166 9-1-1? Yeah, of course, this is an emergency. 947 00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:31,173 ¶ 948 00:48:31,175 --> 00:48:33,009 What are you staring at? 949 00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:34,944 ¶ 950 00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:37,013 Guess you're just a little out of focus. 951 00:48:37,015 --> 00:48:40,449 ¶ 952 00:48:40,451 --> 00:48:42,518 Hey, buddy, wake up, wake up! 953 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,287 Wake up! 954 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:45,488 What's up? 955 00:48:45,489 --> 00:48:46,688 -How you feelin' today? -Oh, well, 956 00:48:46,691 --> 00:48:48,090 better now that you're here. 957 00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,292 All right, well, Robert, 958 00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:51,160 tests came back, everything looks good. 959 00:48:51,162 --> 00:48:53,095 You do have an inner ear infection, 960 00:48:53,097 --> 00:48:54,263 which can sometimes lead to 961 00:48:54,265 --> 00:48:55,998 dizziness and nausea at your age, 962 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,633 but everything else looks good. 963 00:48:57,635 --> 00:49:00,303 So, you're actually in fairly good health. 964 00:49:00,305 --> 00:49:01,504 Just an ear infection! 965 00:49:01,506 --> 00:49:02,438 That's great news. 966 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,040 That's it? 967 00:49:04,042 --> 00:49:06,008 So let me ask you a question then. 968 00:49:06,010 --> 00:49:08,978 Why'd I fake my own heart attack? 969 00:49:08,980 --> 00:49:10,613 Think you need a different kind of doctor for that. 970 00:49:10,615 --> 00:49:13,215 -Thank you, thank you. -You're welcome. 971 00:49:13,217 --> 00:49:17,687 All right, we'll get you guys checked out in a second, okay? 972 00:49:17,689 --> 00:49:20,089 Did you see the pair of hands on her? 973 00:49:20,091 --> 00:49:21,357 (blowing raspberry) 974 00:49:21,359 --> 00:49:22,775 Someone like her, I should be 975 00:49:22,776 --> 00:49:24,192 fakin' heart attacks all the time! 976 00:49:24,195 --> 00:49:25,728 -No! -Wow! 977 00:49:25,730 --> 00:49:27,530 -Yeah! -I do know, but no. 978 00:49:27,532 --> 00:49:29,298 You know what, after lookin' at her, 979 00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:31,067 I don't know why I fought you to come here. 980 00:49:31,069 --> 00:49:33,302 She's not out of the room. 981 00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:34,470 If I'm gonna die, 982 00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:36,172 I don't give a shit what I say. 983 00:49:36,174 --> 00:49:38,641 One, you're not gonna die. 984 00:49:38,643 --> 00:49:40,409 She just told you that, and two-- 985 00:49:40,411 --> 00:49:41,344 Don't take me home. 986 00:49:41,346 --> 00:49:42,762 Leave me here. 987 00:49:42,763 --> 00:49:44,179 You don't want your last words to be... 988 00:49:44,180 --> 00:49:45,596 'Cause I'm just gonna stay here. 989 00:49:45,597 --> 00:49:47,013 ..."Check out the hands on Dr. Knockers," okay? 990 00:49:47,018 --> 00:49:48,351 Yeah, that's--I would love that! 991 00:49:48,353 --> 00:49:50,119 Put it on my tombstone, I don't care. 992 00:49:50,121 --> 00:49:51,687 Doesn't matter, who cares? 993 00:49:51,689 --> 00:49:53,456 (laughing) 994 00:49:53,458 --> 00:49:55,024 Yeah, I saw 'em. 995 00:50:21,519 --> 00:50:24,153 Huh, sucks gettin' old. 996 00:50:24,155 --> 00:50:25,521 Yeah, I know. 997 00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,590 I mean, I bet. 998 00:50:27,592 --> 00:50:30,092 You know, dyin' sometimes 999 00:50:30,094 --> 00:50:33,329 just scares the shit outta me? 1000 00:50:33,331 --> 00:50:36,766 You're just so you about it though, you're, you know... 1001 00:50:36,768 --> 00:50:38,768 -Well, what am I gonna do? -...nothin' gets to you. 1002 00:50:38,770 --> 00:50:40,636 I know, but what am I gonna do, freak you out? 1003 00:50:40,638 --> 00:50:43,706 -I'm not gonna do that. -I know, I know, I know. 1004 00:50:43,708 --> 00:50:45,541 Look, I want you to know something. 1005 00:50:45,543 --> 00:50:48,277 Dad, it's been such a long night, I can't. 1006 00:50:48,279 --> 00:50:51,447 I know, could you just listen to me for a minute? 1007 00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:52,815 -Yeah. -Your mom, 1008 00:50:52,816 --> 00:50:54,182 she's probably gonna walk into the ocean, 1009 00:50:54,185 --> 00:50:57,620 or do some kinda hippie bullshit. 1010 00:50:57,622 --> 00:50:59,622 Not me! 1011 00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:01,623 Uh-uh, I'm goin' out the way I came in, 1012 00:51:01,626 --> 00:51:03,492 kickin' and screamin'. 1013 00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,295 -I believe you. -You better believe it. 1014 00:51:08,299 --> 00:51:10,132 I love you, Dad. 1015 00:51:10,134 --> 00:51:11,267 I know. 1016 00:51:14,806 --> 00:51:17,440 (patting) 1017 00:51:17,442 --> 00:51:19,842 I am gonna go get some sleep. 1018 00:51:19,844 --> 00:51:20,709 Go for it. 1019 00:51:20,711 --> 00:51:23,379 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1020 00:51:23,381 --> 00:51:24,547 If you're hungry, have a piece of pie 1021 00:51:24,549 --> 00:51:26,615 before you go to bed. 1022 00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,150 That's a good idea. 1023 00:51:28,151 --> 00:51:29,684 -I'll see you in the mornin'. -See ya, Dad. 1024 00:51:29,687 --> 00:51:38,461 ¶ 1025 00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:08,390 (inaudible) 1026 00:52:08,392 --> 00:52:18,367 ¶ 1027 00:52:32,183 --> 00:52:36,519 Sweet or savory? 1028 00:52:36,521 --> 00:52:38,888 What? 1029 00:52:38,890 --> 00:52:42,725 For breakfast, sweet or savory? 1030 00:52:42,727 --> 00:52:45,161 Savory. 1031 00:52:45,163 --> 00:52:48,898 Good, 'cause all we have are eggs, toast, and beans. 1032 00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:58,674 ¶ 1033 00:52:58,676 --> 00:53:01,093 So the other night, 1034 00:53:01,094 --> 00:53:03,511 I'm watching Return of the Jedi at my friend's place, 1035 00:53:03,514 --> 00:53:05,681 for the 50th time probably, 1036 00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:08,250 and there's this big battle at the end of the movie 1037 00:53:08,252 --> 00:53:11,520 between the evil Empire's storm troopers 1038 00:53:11,522 --> 00:53:13,856 and the Ewoks. 1039 00:53:13,858 --> 00:53:17,259 And the Ewoks are just mowin' down storm troopers. 1040 00:53:17,261 --> 00:53:19,228 They're killin' 'em left and right. 1041 00:53:19,230 --> 00:53:21,797 And it dawns on me that 1042 00:53:21,799 --> 00:53:24,867 every single one of these storm troopers, 1043 00:53:24,869 --> 00:53:27,469 right, is a person. 1044 00:53:27,471 --> 00:53:30,573 They're a soldier, and their entire career 1045 00:53:30,575 --> 00:53:33,909 as a storm trooper has led up to this big battle, 1046 00:53:33,911 --> 00:53:35,844 and they're killed by these little 1047 00:53:35,846 --> 00:53:38,581 fuzzy teddy bears. 1048 00:53:38,583 --> 00:53:40,783 And then the rest of the movie, 1049 00:53:40,785 --> 00:53:42,418 that's all I think about. 1050 00:53:45,389 --> 00:53:48,424 Well, clearly, your father's episode has affected you, 1051 00:53:48,426 --> 00:53:51,594 and that's natural. 1052 00:53:51,596 --> 00:53:53,762 It turned out he was okay. 1053 00:53:53,764 --> 00:53:56,865 So, I mean, I do worry about him being alone 1054 00:53:56,867 --> 00:53:59,401 as much as he is. 1055 00:53:59,403 --> 00:54:00,903 How's your dating life? 1056 00:54:03,608 --> 00:54:06,375 My dating life is fine. 1057 00:54:06,377 --> 00:54:09,645 Are you dating? 1058 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:10,646 Here and there. 1059 00:54:10,648 --> 00:54:11,814 What about all the pie dates 1060 00:54:11,816 --> 00:54:15,851 -you told me about? -Right. 1061 00:54:15,853 --> 00:54:17,519 I, I want-- 1062 00:54:17,521 --> 00:54:21,323 We should not call them pie dates anymore. 1063 00:54:21,325 --> 00:54:23,025 Please? 1064 00:54:23,027 --> 00:54:26,562 Okay, fair enough, but they're interesting. 1065 00:54:26,564 --> 00:54:30,266 They say something about your state of mind. 1066 00:54:30,268 --> 00:54:33,902 They're fine, in that case. 1067 00:54:33,904 --> 00:54:36,305 You're worried about your father being alone. 1068 00:54:36,307 --> 00:54:38,274 Right. 1069 00:54:38,276 --> 00:54:41,744 Your father wouldn't be alone if he hadn't left your mother. 1070 00:54:41,746 --> 00:54:46,448 I think deep down, you realize this. 1071 00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:48,417 Are you worried about being alone? 1072 00:54:52,723 --> 00:54:54,507 Uh. 1073 00:54:54,508 --> 00:54:56,292 Have you ever thought about journaling? 1074 00:54:56,294 --> 00:54:57,793 No. 1075 00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,796 Some people like to write or record their 1076 00:55:00,798 --> 00:55:04,333 thoughts or feelings as a way of archiving them. 1077 00:55:04,335 --> 00:55:08,070 Putting their past experiences behind them. 1078 00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:10,072 Why don't you give it a try. 1079 00:55:10,074 --> 00:55:12,007 Sure. 1080 00:55:12,009 --> 00:55:13,309 Why not? 1081 00:55:15,980 --> 00:55:18,714 ¶ Don't get too close ¶ 1082 00:55:18,716 --> 00:55:20,916 What was that about Aquarians being smarter? 1083 00:55:20,918 --> 00:55:22,718 Oh, that they're smarter than everyone? 1084 00:55:22,720 --> 00:55:24,520 Yeah, they're smarter than everyone. 1085 00:55:24,522 --> 00:55:26,355 -Uh-huh. -It's fact. 1086 00:55:26,357 --> 00:55:27,589 But how do you know that? 1087 00:55:27,591 --> 00:55:32,828 ¶ 1088 00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:34,530 -'Cause I'm an Aquarius. -Oh! 1089 00:55:34,532 --> 00:55:35,581 You're the only ones who know 1090 00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:36,631 that you're smarter than everyone. 1091 00:55:36,634 --> 00:55:38,967 Yeah, otherwise, 1092 00:55:38,969 --> 00:55:41,570 the secret would be out, you know? 1093 00:55:41,572 --> 00:55:49,645 ¶ Help me fly ¶ 1094 00:55:49,647 --> 00:55:50,913 This is fuckin' bullshit. 1095 00:55:50,915 --> 00:55:54,817 We need to get back on top. 1096 00:55:54,819 --> 00:55:56,352 I didn't even know this is real. 1097 00:55:56,354 --> 00:55:59,421 With coins, but they are not real, 1098 00:55:59,423 --> 00:56:00,856 but they're coins. 1099 00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:02,391 Talkin' about Bitcoin. 1100 00:56:02,393 --> 00:56:03,659 The little coins. 1101 00:56:03,661 --> 00:56:05,928 (phone ringing) 1102 00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:08,697 Okay. 1103 00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,866 -They're not actual real coins. -That's what I'm saying, 1104 00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:12,634 they're little coins that are fake. 1105 00:56:12,636 --> 00:56:15,437 -Hey, Jackie! -What up, slut? 1106 00:56:15,439 --> 00:56:16,405 How's it goin'? 1107 00:56:16,407 --> 00:56:18,140 Just left the bar, going home. 1108 00:56:18,142 --> 00:56:20,442 What are you up to? 1109 00:56:20,444 --> 00:56:22,678 I am also havin' a beer... 1110 00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:24,980 No, it's a thing that exists, there's cryptocurrencies-- 1111 00:56:24,982 --> 00:56:27,149 ...with friends. 1112 00:56:27,151 --> 00:56:28,617 Really? 1113 00:56:28,619 --> 00:56:30,552 Don't believe you. 1114 00:56:30,554 --> 00:56:31,553 You're at home, aren't you? 1115 00:56:31,555 --> 00:56:32,421 Fuckin' liar. 1116 00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,857 (laughing) 1117 00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:36,792 You're gonna fuck me tonight, right? 1118 00:56:36,794 --> 00:56:38,727 -Yeah. -Yeah! 1119 00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:40,562 Come over! 1120 00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:42,898 -It is late. -I'm trying to tell you 1121 00:56:42,900 --> 00:56:45,567 about a little coin you put on the internet. 1122 00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:47,569 -That's what I'm saying. -It's not real! 1123 00:56:47,571 --> 00:56:50,072 Shh, you're coming over already, right? 1124 00:56:50,074 --> 00:56:51,140 'Cause I'm down. 1125 00:56:51,142 --> 00:56:53,509 Come over right now! 1126 00:56:53,511 --> 00:56:54,777 I'm a fuck you! 1127 00:56:54,779 --> 00:56:56,779 You're gonna fuck me! 1128 00:56:56,781 --> 00:56:58,580 -Or I'm gonna fuck something. -Okay, yeah, yeah. 1129 00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:00,048 -I'll fuck this Uber driver. -Oh, uh. 1130 00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:01,483 -Right now? -Come over 1131 00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:02,985 -right now. -In 30 minutes, yeah. 1132 00:57:02,987 --> 00:57:05,754 Okay, too much talking, enough talking, bye! 1133 00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:07,990 Hello? 1134 00:57:07,992 --> 00:57:09,191 Okay. 1135 00:57:09,193 --> 00:57:19,168 ¶ 1136 00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:32,881 (heavily breathing) 1137 00:57:34,218 --> 00:57:35,150 What's up? 1138 00:57:35,152 --> 00:57:45,127 ¶ 1139 00:58:19,096 --> 00:58:21,196 Coffee machine out? 1140 00:58:21,198 --> 00:58:24,199 Yup, looks like it. 1141 00:58:24,201 --> 00:58:25,534 You try, uh, 1142 00:58:25,536 --> 00:58:27,736 unplugging it and plugging it back in? 1143 00:58:32,042 --> 00:58:36,645 It's an I, IT joke. 1144 00:58:36,647 --> 00:58:38,013 (awkwardly chuckling) 1145 00:58:41,051 --> 00:58:43,151 So it started with 1146 00:58:43,153 --> 00:58:45,153 my therapist suggesting that I 1147 00:58:45,155 --> 00:58:47,189 -keep a journal. -Mm-hm. 1148 00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:50,626 Um, but, I'm not a 14 year-old girl... 1149 00:58:50,628 --> 00:58:51,894 -No. -...anymore. 1150 00:58:51,896 --> 00:58:53,295 -Yeah. -So, 1151 00:58:53,297 --> 00:58:55,130 I thought I'd try writing something, you know, 1152 00:58:55,132 --> 00:58:56,582 substantial. 1153 00:58:56,583 --> 00:58:58,033 -Nice. -Yeah, I don't know. 1154 00:58:58,035 --> 00:58:59,568 You write anything? 1155 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,574 I write jokes. 1156 00:59:05,576 --> 00:59:06,975 I have a regular spot 1157 00:59:06,977 --> 00:59:08,677 every Friday night 1158 00:59:08,679 --> 00:59:11,246 in the annex of the Rusty Hole. 1159 00:59:11,248 --> 00:59:12,814 Oh. 1160 00:59:12,816 --> 00:59:15,117 Can you, uh, can you tell me a joke? 1161 00:59:15,119 --> 00:59:17,152 I have a joke. 1162 00:59:17,154 --> 00:59:19,721 What do you call a little person 1163 00:59:19,723 --> 00:59:21,089 who is a psychic, 1164 00:59:21,091 --> 00:59:25,561 who has just escaped from prison? 1165 00:59:25,563 --> 00:59:28,030 I don't know. 1166 00:59:28,032 --> 00:59:29,865 A small medium 1167 00:59:29,867 --> 00:59:31,967 at large. 1168 00:59:31,969 --> 00:59:33,735 (laughing) 1169 00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:36,772 That's... 1170 00:59:36,774 --> 00:59:39,641 -Uh. -You wanna split that cookie? 1171 00:59:39,643 --> 00:59:49,618 ¶ 1172 01:00:08,372 --> 01:00:10,172 -Jesus fuck! -Where you goin'? 1173 01:00:10,174 --> 01:00:11,940 I'm goin' out, man. 1174 01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:13,375 And I'm wearing this shirt, I can't-- 1175 01:00:13,377 --> 01:00:15,277 -Don't. -What? 1176 01:00:15,279 --> 01:00:17,346 Don't start with the shirt. 1177 01:00:17,348 --> 01:00:19,314 I'm, I'm getting pie, 1178 01:00:19,316 --> 01:00:20,649 I'm wearing this shirt, 1179 01:00:20,651 --> 01:00:22,851 -she's buying. -With who? 1180 01:00:22,853 --> 01:00:24,686 -You know who. -Jackie? 1181 01:00:24,688 --> 01:00:27,189 Wasn't that her, like, last night at 2:00 in the morning? 1182 01:00:27,191 --> 01:00:28,924 It was. 1183 01:00:28,926 --> 01:00:30,225 What happened? 1184 01:00:32,062 --> 01:00:34,630 (heavily breathing) 1185 01:00:38,202 --> 01:00:40,235 (sighing) 1186 01:00:40,237 --> 01:00:42,104 Dude, fuck that chick. 1187 01:00:42,106 --> 01:00:43,171 Seriously. 1188 01:00:43,173 --> 01:00:44,973 I'm, I'm trying. 1189 01:00:44,975 --> 01:00:46,742 You gotta give me a break. 1190 01:00:46,744 --> 01:00:48,343 Like, get her outta your life. 1191 01:00:48,345 --> 01:00:50,012 Okay? Seriously. 1192 01:00:50,014 --> 01:00:52,364 What? 1193 01:00:52,365 --> 01:00:54,715 What I'm saying, okay, is that, like, 1194 01:00:54,718 --> 01:00:56,752 she is taking advantage of you, 1195 01:00:56,754 --> 01:00:58,387 and I think that she knows that. 1196 01:00:58,389 --> 01:01:03,091 And I, and I really think that you just need to cut ties. 1197 01:01:03,093 --> 01:01:05,027 I honestly-- You're such a great guy, 1198 01:01:05,029 --> 01:01:08,030 and I just think that, you know, 1199 01:01:08,032 --> 01:01:09,297 life's too short. 1200 01:01:09,299 --> 01:01:11,867 Okay. 1201 01:01:11,869 --> 01:01:14,102 Sometimes the fucking you get 1202 01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:17,305 ain't worth the fucking you're gonna get. 1203 01:01:17,307 --> 01:01:20,342 And I just think that 1204 01:01:20,344 --> 01:01:21,943 it's time to just move on, dude. 1205 01:01:21,945 --> 01:01:23,412 Are you hungry? 1206 01:01:23,414 --> 01:01:25,347 ¶ 1207 01:01:25,349 --> 01:01:27,049 Fucking starving, dude. 1208 01:01:27,051 --> 01:01:33,321 ¶ 1209 01:01:33,323 --> 01:01:35,757 (indistinct speaking) 1210 01:01:35,759 --> 01:01:39,761 ¶ 1211 01:01:39,763 --> 01:01:42,397 -Okay, one for you. -Sweet, dude. 1212 01:01:42,399 --> 01:01:44,132 Just got a killer match on Tinder as well. 1213 01:01:44,134 --> 01:01:46,368 -Oh, did you? -About fuckin' time. 1214 01:01:46,370 --> 01:01:48,270 You gonna take her out for pie? 1215 01:01:48,272 --> 01:01:49,304 More like pizza. 1216 01:01:49,306 --> 01:01:50,806 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1217 01:01:50,808 --> 01:01:52,040 Cheers. 1218 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:55,110 ¶ 1219 01:01:55,112 --> 01:01:56,244 (inaudible) 1220 01:01:56,246 --> 01:02:06,221 ¶ 1221 01:02:58,542 --> 01:03:01,777 How do we make delicious, inexpensive home cooking 1222 01:03:01,779 --> 01:03:03,512 a regular part of our lives? 1223 01:03:03,514 --> 01:03:06,248 Taste of Home, that's how. 1224 01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:08,517 -So grab A Taste of Ho-- -What are you doing? 1225 01:03:08,519 --> 01:03:09,951 I'm taking the label off, it, uh, 1226 01:03:09,953 --> 01:03:11,386 -has a price tag on it. -All right, good, 1227 01:03:11,388 --> 01:03:12,420 yeah, that's a good call. 1228 01:03:12,422 --> 01:03:14,523 Oh, how late are we? 1229 01:03:14,525 --> 01:03:15,957 Twenty minutes, should we knock? 1230 01:03:15,959 --> 01:03:17,325 I don't know. 1231 01:03:17,327 --> 01:03:19,227 -Well, fuck it. -Uh, well, 1232 01:03:19,229 --> 01:03:21,463 ring the doorbell, right? 1233 01:03:21,465 --> 01:03:22,798 -Just ring the doorbell. -All right, whatever. 1234 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,499 I think they have dog-- 1235 01:03:24,501 --> 01:03:27,169 Well, we'll find out, I don't know. 1236 01:03:29,807 --> 01:03:31,573 -Hi! -Hey! Hey! 1237 01:03:31,575 --> 01:03:32,874 -Hello! -How's it goin'? 1238 01:03:32,876 --> 01:03:34,376 -Hey! -Good, how are you? 1239 01:03:34,378 --> 01:03:36,478 -What's goin' on? -Come on in! 1240 01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:38,346 ¶ 1241 01:03:38,348 --> 01:03:40,816 Okay, everyone. 1242 01:03:40,818 --> 01:03:42,284 Here we go. 1243 01:03:42,286 --> 01:03:44,920 You two wanna play that? 1244 01:03:44,922 --> 01:03:46,454 No ma'am. 1245 01:03:46,456 --> 01:03:47,856 Mm-mm. 1246 01:03:47,858 --> 01:03:49,474 What? 1247 01:03:49,475 --> 01:03:51,091 -Nolan, my love... -Yes, dear? 1248 01:03:51,094 --> 01:03:53,995 ...we're gonna put you over here on chicken duty. 1249 01:03:53,997 --> 01:03:56,131 Garret, you're just gonna 1250 01:03:56,133 --> 01:03:57,432 wait there until we have something ready, 1251 01:03:57,434 --> 01:03:59,568 and then you can take it into the living room. 1252 01:03:59,570 --> 01:04:01,069 -You! -Me! 1253 01:04:01,071 --> 01:04:02,971 You are gonna be on appetizer duty 1254 01:04:02,973 --> 01:04:04,573 with me! 1255 01:04:04,575 --> 01:04:05,440 Yay! 1256 01:04:05,442 --> 01:04:06,908 Think you can handle that? 1257 01:04:06,910 --> 01:04:08,610 Yes. 1258 01:04:08,612 --> 01:04:10,979 -Yes, ma'am, okay. -There we go. 1259 01:04:10,981 --> 01:04:12,414 All righty, let's hop to! 1260 01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:14,549 (indistinct speaking) 1261 01:04:14,551 --> 01:04:17,018 There's more wine. 1262 01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:18,220 -All right, yes. -Appetizers. 1263 01:04:18,222 --> 01:04:20,021 Yes, just nice and pretty. 1264 01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:22,224 You are the worst! 1265 01:04:22,226 --> 01:04:23,925 I'm okay. 1266 01:04:23,927 --> 01:04:26,161 Is that what you tell all the ladies? 1267 01:04:26,163 --> 01:04:28,864 Maybe. 1268 01:04:28,866 --> 01:04:30,398 What are you guys doing? 1269 01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:32,267 We're gonna go drinking. 1270 01:04:32,269 --> 01:04:35,103 Yeah, where the hell is the wine? 1271 01:04:35,105 --> 01:04:36,171 Hey, hey! 1272 01:04:36,173 --> 01:04:37,472 No, you're waiting for us 1273 01:04:37,474 --> 01:04:38,640 to get something together. 1274 01:04:38,642 --> 01:04:40,141 -In the meantime-- -And then bringing it. 1275 01:04:40,143 --> 01:04:41,476 We're cooking! 1276 01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:44,145 -We're gettin' ready! -What? Your liver? 1277 01:04:44,147 --> 01:04:45,213 Hi! 1278 01:04:45,215 --> 01:04:48,283 (screaming) 1279 01:04:48,285 --> 01:04:51,086 -Good to see you! -Oh, my God, look at you! 1280 01:04:51,088 --> 01:04:53,221 You look so cute! 1281 01:04:53,223 --> 01:04:57,292 -Amazing! Oh, my God! -Hi! 1282 01:04:57,294 --> 01:04:58,994 -So good to see you! -Oh, our brand, 1283 01:04:58,996 --> 01:05:01,429 that was nice of you. 1284 01:05:01,431 --> 01:05:05,500 -Oh, they got our brand! -Yeah, should we open it? 1285 01:05:05,502 --> 01:05:07,202 Okay. 1286 01:05:07,204 --> 01:05:09,137 Well, let me get involved. 1287 01:05:09,139 --> 01:05:15,076 ¶ 1288 01:05:15,078 --> 01:05:17,479 (indistinct speaking) 1289 01:05:17,481 --> 01:05:27,455 ¶ 1290 01:05:33,196 --> 01:05:35,297 It's like the first wine I've had in weeks. 1291 01:05:35,299 --> 01:05:37,198 Why, 'cause you still had the juice before? 1292 01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:38,934 -Oh, God. -No, you didn't. 1293 01:05:38,936 --> 01:05:40,502 -You did it? -I did it. 1294 01:05:40,504 --> 01:05:42,337 -I regret it. -Oh, my God, tell me. 1295 01:05:42,339 --> 01:05:43,939 It was horrible, you know I need my carbs. 1296 01:05:43,941 --> 01:05:45,674 -Yes! -Right, and then none. 1297 01:05:45,676 --> 01:05:48,109 -Oh, my God. -It's just liquids going in. 1298 01:05:48,111 --> 01:05:49,444 Yeah, fruits, veggie, nothing. 1299 01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,179 But you gotta clean it out. 1300 01:05:51,181 --> 01:05:53,281 You gotta get all--I mean, do you know how much 1301 01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:55,083 I'm about to eat tonight? 1302 01:05:55,085 --> 01:05:57,686 Turkey blackout, bitch! 1303 01:05:57,688 --> 01:05:59,621 Ah, it's gonna be so good! 1304 01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:01,990 I got these three clients now, you know. 1305 01:06:01,992 --> 01:06:03,491 I guess, to be honest, 1306 01:06:03,493 --> 01:06:06,127 it's really just, it's overwhelming, man. 1307 01:06:06,129 --> 01:06:08,463 Like, I want the food baby to be so exaggerated 1308 01:06:08,465 --> 01:06:10,298 that it looks like I'm like six months pregnant. 1309 01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,333 And we're all like, "What happened?" 1310 01:06:11,335 --> 01:06:13,234 -Exactly. -Okay, right. 1311 01:06:13,236 --> 01:06:15,036 That's why I wore, like, the kinda flowy 1312 01:06:15,038 --> 01:06:16,137 -material. -And it's like I'm on this 1313 01:06:16,139 --> 01:06:19,374 rotation of, like, every six hours, 1314 01:06:19,376 --> 01:06:21,109 just non-stop, you know what I mean? 1315 01:06:21,111 --> 01:06:23,678 And it's like, I'm lucky if I only sleep like 1316 01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,013 four hours a night. 1317 01:06:25,015 --> 01:06:27,248 -It's Ryan, right? -Yeah. 1318 01:06:27,250 --> 01:06:28,350 It's nice to meet you. 1319 01:06:28,352 --> 01:06:29,484 Nice bow tie. 1320 01:06:29,486 --> 01:06:31,052 Thank you, bow ties are, 1321 01:06:31,054 --> 01:06:34,122 -bow ties are cool. -It's pretty red. 1322 01:06:34,124 --> 01:06:35,357 Yeah. 1323 01:06:35,359 --> 01:06:36,992 ¶ 1324 01:06:36,994 --> 01:06:39,594 (laughing) 1325 01:06:39,596 --> 01:06:41,563 And that's why I'll never go back 1326 01:06:41,565 --> 01:06:44,132 -to Tijuana. -Pipe down, you fools. 1327 01:06:44,134 --> 01:06:45,000 -Oh. -Ooh. 1328 01:06:45,002 --> 01:06:46,167 Shh, shh! 1329 01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:50,605 -Mom, Mom has a speech. -Oh, God. 1330 01:06:50,607 --> 01:06:52,407 Okay, okay. 1331 01:06:52,409 --> 01:06:54,476 Welcome to another annual 1332 01:06:54,478 --> 01:06:57,212 -Friendsgiving. -Whoa, no, no. 1333 01:06:57,214 --> 01:07:00,048 Come on, no, it's not Friendsgiving. 1334 01:07:00,050 --> 01:07:02,117 We're not ready to grow up, Mom. 1335 01:07:02,119 --> 01:07:03,785 Not this year. 1336 01:07:03,787 --> 01:07:05,020 Are you kidding, I can barely take 1337 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:06,254 -care of myself. -Do you want me 1338 01:07:06,255 --> 01:07:07,488 -to do the speech, instead? -Yeah! 1339 01:07:07,491 --> 01:07:10,692 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1340 01:07:10,694 --> 01:07:13,395 Welcome to another annual turkey blackout. 1341 01:07:13,397 --> 01:07:16,331 -Yeah! -Yeah, that sounds about right. 1342 01:07:16,333 --> 01:07:17,198 All right. 1343 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,334 -Cheers to that. -Cheers. 1344 01:07:21,638 --> 01:07:23,538 Anyway, 1345 01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:25,306 as some of you know, 1346 01:07:25,308 --> 01:07:28,676 some of us are coming up on ten years 1347 01:07:28,678 --> 01:07:31,179 of being friends with each other. 1348 01:07:31,181 --> 01:07:32,414 -We did it. -Don't say it out loud! 1349 01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:33,815 I know, it's crazy! 1350 01:07:33,817 --> 01:07:35,750 And it's because we love each other. 1351 01:07:35,752 --> 01:07:38,053 -We do. -And we're there for each other 1352 01:07:38,055 --> 01:07:40,221 -no matter what. -Ugh, can we eat already? 1353 01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:43,358 And we will always be there for each other. 1354 01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:45,227 You hear that? 1355 01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,095 -No matter what. -You talkin' about me? 1356 01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:49,631 -Here, here! -That was right to you. 1357 01:07:49,633 --> 01:07:52,667 Quicker we toast, the quicker we eat. 1358 01:07:52,669 --> 01:07:55,070 But it's like this night. 1359 01:07:55,072 --> 01:08:04,846 ¶ 1360 01:08:34,111 --> 01:08:36,377 (indistinct speaking) 1361 01:08:36,379 --> 01:08:38,179 What number is that? 1362 01:08:38,181 --> 01:08:39,681 Uh... 1363 01:08:39,683 --> 01:08:41,616 ¶ 1364 01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:44,185 -Did you make this? -No. 1365 01:08:44,187 --> 01:08:47,589 This glass is, like, five, I think. 1366 01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:51,593 I consume pie, I don't actually make it. 1367 01:08:51,595 --> 01:08:53,761 -Yeah, baby. -How do you do that? 1368 01:08:53,763 --> 01:08:55,463 Uh, what? 1369 01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:56,764 Love something, at the same time, 1370 01:08:56,766 --> 01:08:59,434 squeeze the fuckin' life out of it. 1371 01:08:59,436 --> 01:09:00,768 Fuck you. 1372 01:09:00,770 --> 01:09:02,570 Can I finish my pie first? 1373 01:09:02,572 --> 01:09:05,907 (inaudible) 1374 01:09:05,909 --> 01:09:08,376 Catch up? 1375 01:09:08,378 --> 01:09:10,845 Okay, blackout starting now. 1376 01:09:10,847 --> 01:09:14,849 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1377 01:09:14,851 --> 01:09:17,418 (laughing) 1378 01:09:18,522 --> 01:09:21,222 (indistinct speaking) 1379 01:09:21,224 --> 01:09:23,324 No, you feed me, I feed you. 1380 01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:33,301 ¶ 1381 01:09:34,304 --> 01:09:36,204 What are you doing? 1382 01:09:36,206 --> 01:09:37,705 Oh, just making myself at home. 1383 01:09:37,707 --> 01:09:41,209 Uh-huh, I could tell. 1384 01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:42,310 What happened? 1385 01:09:42,312 --> 01:09:44,179 You and Soph. 1386 01:09:44,181 --> 01:09:45,446 Nothing? 1387 01:09:45,448 --> 01:09:48,416 ¶ 1388 01:09:48,418 --> 01:09:49,884 What did you do? 1389 01:09:49,886 --> 01:09:53,755 Like, literally nothing? 1390 01:09:53,757 --> 01:09:58,560 Not like a ghosting exactly, but, yeah. 1391 01:09:58,562 --> 01:10:01,262 Just didn't call. 1392 01:10:01,264 --> 01:10:02,463 I know. 1393 01:10:02,465 --> 01:10:04,566 ¶ 1394 01:10:04,568 --> 01:10:06,401 You are the worst. 1395 01:10:06,403 --> 01:10:08,236 I, I really am. 1396 01:10:08,238 --> 01:10:09,737 ¶ 1397 01:10:09,739 --> 01:10:11,606 As long as you know. 1398 01:10:11,608 --> 01:10:13,441 (laughing) 1399 01:10:13,443 --> 01:10:23,418 ¶ 1400 01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:29,591 (sighing) 1401 01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:40,301 ¶ 1402 01:10:40,303 --> 01:10:42,303 You've got this complex about you, 1403 01:10:42,305 --> 01:10:44,872 like you wanna meet a girl and save her. 1404 01:10:44,874 --> 01:10:46,307 Well, I don't know what to tell you, 1405 01:10:46,309 --> 01:10:47,609 but that's not how it works. 1406 01:10:47,611 --> 01:10:50,011 You can't just go around saving everyone. 1407 01:10:50,013 --> 01:10:52,814 ¶ 1408 01:10:52,816 --> 01:10:56,251 Can't just go around saving everyone. 1409 01:10:56,253 --> 01:10:58,019 I'm not trying to save everyone. 1410 01:10:58,021 --> 01:11:00,989 I'm just trying to save you. 1411 01:11:00,991 --> 01:11:02,957 Just you. 1412 01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:05,526 I never asked you to save me! 1413 01:11:05,528 --> 01:11:07,895 ("save me" echoing) 1414 01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:11,899 How's the writing coming? 1415 01:11:11,901 --> 01:11:14,002 The writing is okay. 1416 01:11:14,004 --> 01:11:17,338 Uh, I haven't, I haven't been writing lately. 1417 01:11:17,340 --> 01:11:19,274 How come? 1418 01:11:19,276 --> 01:11:21,843 Um, how do I write something that I 1419 01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:24,379 kind of don't know yet? 1420 01:11:24,381 --> 01:11:26,681 The big, the big question in it is 1421 01:11:26,683 --> 01:11:27,915 who does the character end up with? 1422 01:11:27,917 --> 01:11:31,586 So, who do I end up with? 1423 01:11:31,588 --> 01:11:36,591 Maybe you don't wanna end up with anyone. 1424 01:11:36,593 --> 01:11:38,059 Maybe. 1425 01:11:38,061 --> 01:11:39,961 Seems kinda bleak though. 1426 01:11:39,963 --> 01:11:41,996 Maybe you don't want there to be an ending. 1427 01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:44,432 ¶ 1428 01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:46,367 No one likes endings. 1429 01:11:46,369 --> 01:11:49,404 ¶ 1430 01:11:49,406 --> 01:11:51,806 Do you remember the last day of high school? 1431 01:11:51,808 --> 01:11:53,608 Of course. 1432 01:11:53,610 --> 01:11:56,544 I had a lacrosse game, and... 1433 01:11:56,546 --> 01:11:58,680 (sighing) 1434 01:11:58,682 --> 01:11:59,981 ...it was such a hard season, 1435 01:11:59,983 --> 01:12:02,850 the coach, Ms. Muskin, she yelled at me 1436 01:12:02,852 --> 01:12:04,619 all season long, "Get the ball! 1437 01:12:04,621 --> 01:12:06,621 Go faster, shoot harder!" 1438 01:12:06,623 --> 01:12:09,624 Ugh, I was so ready to graduate 1439 01:12:09,626 --> 01:12:12,460 and play in college. 1440 01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:15,063 And then after that last game... 1441 01:12:15,065 --> 01:12:17,565 (sighing) 1442 01:12:17,567 --> 01:12:20,001 ...I just sat in the locker room and bawled. 1443 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,837 (inaudible) 1444 01:12:22,838 --> 01:12:25,672 'Cause I realized I was never gonna play for Ms. Muskin again. 1445 01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:28,076 I was never gonna 1446 01:12:28,078 --> 01:12:31,879 be with my friends, and-- 1447 01:12:31,881 --> 01:12:34,449 it was over, and it was horrible. 1448 01:12:34,451 --> 01:12:36,050 ¶ 1449 01:12:36,052 --> 01:12:37,018 No one likes endings, 1450 01:12:37,020 --> 01:12:41,756 but they're a part of life. 1451 01:12:41,758 --> 01:12:44,359 (inaudible) 1452 01:12:44,361 --> 01:12:47,028 ¶ 1453 01:12:47,030 --> 01:12:49,697 Man. 1454 01:12:49,699 --> 01:12:51,499 You know, 1455 01:12:51,501 --> 01:12:53,801 sometimes I come in here 1456 01:12:53,803 --> 01:12:55,570 in a pretty even mood, 1457 01:12:55,572 --> 01:12:58,139 and I leave just totally fucked up. 1458 01:12:58,141 --> 01:12:59,907 (laughing) 1459 01:12:59,909 --> 01:13:01,976 -Yeah, I bet. -Uh-huh. 1460 01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:04,078 -One more service I provide. -Right, right. 1461 01:13:04,080 --> 01:13:06,114 Thank you. 1462 01:13:06,116 --> 01:13:14,655 ¶ 1463 01:13:14,657 --> 01:13:16,424 Oh, I didn't see you there. 1464 01:13:16,426 --> 01:13:18,092 ¶ 1465 01:13:18,094 --> 01:13:19,160 Hello, students! 1466 01:13:19,162 --> 01:13:20,728 Welcome back to another episode 1467 01:13:20,730 --> 01:13:22,397 of Moonlight Bakers Club. 1468 01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,166 I'm your teacher, Ms. Cherry, and tonight 1469 01:13:25,168 --> 01:13:27,402 we'll be baking a peach cobbler. 1470 01:13:27,404 --> 01:13:29,437 Let's get started! 1471 01:13:29,439 --> 01:13:31,406 All right, bakers, so first things first, 1472 01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:32,974 we're gonna make our pie crust. 1473 01:13:32,976 --> 01:13:35,810 So we're gonna bring together flour, salt, and sugar 1474 01:13:35,812 --> 01:13:39,447 and combine until it's just flakey and perfect. 1475 01:13:39,449 --> 01:13:41,949 Next up, we add cold butter and shortening to the mixture, 1476 01:13:41,951 --> 01:13:43,751 process for about 10 seconds 1477 01:13:43,753 --> 01:13:46,521 until it begins to look like a coarse meal texture. 1478 01:13:46,523 --> 01:13:48,022 ¶ 1479 01:13:48,024 --> 01:13:49,424 Next step, we're gonna drizzle in 1480 01:13:49,426 --> 01:13:51,959 three tablespoons of cold water. 1481 01:13:51,961 --> 01:13:54,028 And once it begins to clump together, stop. 1482 01:13:54,030 --> 01:13:56,164 You may need to add one more tablespoon 1483 01:13:56,166 --> 01:13:58,599 of this cold water for it to come together. 1484 01:13:58,601 --> 01:14:01,636 ¶ 1485 01:14:01,638 --> 01:14:03,171 Roll the dough with a rolling pin 1486 01:14:03,173 --> 01:14:04,705 to about a 12-inch circle 1487 01:14:04,707 --> 01:14:06,441 and transfer to a pie plate. 1488 01:14:06,443 --> 01:14:07,909 ¶ 1489 01:14:07,911 --> 01:14:10,711 And remember guys, don't panic if it's not perfect. 1490 01:14:10,713 --> 01:14:12,647 You can fix it in the pie plate later. 1491 01:14:12,649 --> 01:14:14,649 It's just baking! 1492 01:14:14,651 --> 01:14:16,184 All right, now that our crust is set, 1493 01:14:16,186 --> 01:14:17,519 we're gonna shift gears 1494 01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:18,853 and make our peach cobbler filling. 1495 01:14:18,855 --> 01:14:20,054 All right, to prepare the peaches, 1496 01:14:20,056 --> 01:14:21,189 you'll slice or dice, 1497 01:14:21,191 --> 01:14:23,891 and then place them into the pie dish. 1498 01:14:23,893 --> 01:14:26,060 Once they're in the pie dish, you'll sprinkle the peaches 1499 01:14:26,062 --> 01:14:28,463 with your sugar, corn starch, 1500 01:14:28,465 --> 01:14:30,015 mix evenly, 1501 01:14:30,016 --> 01:14:31,566 and spread out throughout the dish. 1502 01:14:31,568 --> 01:14:36,103 ¶ 1503 01:14:36,105 --> 01:14:37,872 To create your cobbler batter, 1504 01:14:37,874 --> 01:14:39,740 you'll bring together in a large bowl 1505 01:14:39,742 --> 01:14:44,479 your butter, sugar, vanilla, and milk. 1506 01:14:44,481 --> 01:14:46,681 (inaudible) 1507 01:14:46,683 --> 01:14:48,182 From there, you'll add your flour, 1508 01:14:48,184 --> 01:14:50,685 baking powder, and salt into the mixture 1509 01:14:50,687 --> 01:14:51,953 and combine well. 1510 01:14:51,955 --> 01:14:53,588 The batter will be thick 1511 01:14:53,589 --> 01:14:55,222 with a cookie dough-like consistency. 1512 01:14:55,225 --> 01:14:57,091 Using a spatula, or your hands, 1513 01:14:57,093 --> 01:14:59,060 sprinkle the batter on top of the peaches 1514 01:14:59,062 --> 01:15:00,194 spread out just a little bit. 1515 01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:01,596 It doesn't have to be perfect 1516 01:15:01,598 --> 01:15:04,699 or cover all the peaches. 1517 01:15:04,701 --> 01:15:05,867 And the last step, 1518 01:15:05,869 --> 01:15:07,568 bake for 30 to 35 minutes, 1519 01:15:07,570 --> 01:15:09,237 or until the crust is golden brown 1520 01:15:09,239 --> 01:15:11,606 and the peaches are just bubbling. 1521 01:15:11,608 --> 01:15:12,740 Let's bake! 1522 01:15:12,742 --> 01:15:19,847 ¶ 1523 01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:21,516 (inaudible) 1524 01:15:21,518 --> 01:15:30,691 ¶ 1525 01:15:30,693 --> 01:15:33,060 (inaudible) 1526 01:15:33,062 --> 01:15:43,037 ¶ 1527 01:15:45,174 --> 01:15:47,675 (inaudible) 1528 01:15:47,677 --> 01:15:57,652 ¶ 1529 01:16:00,189 --> 01:16:02,690 (inaudible) 1530 01:16:02,692 --> 01:16:12,667 ¶ 1531 01:16:16,139 --> 01:16:18,739 (inaudible) 1532 01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:28,716 ¶ 1533 01:17:15,064 --> 01:17:17,665 (cars passing) 1534 01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:20,668 ¶ 1535 01:17:28,311 --> 01:17:30,878 Oh, I have a fuckin' moustache. 1536 01:17:33,016 --> 01:17:36,951 -Wow, you finally cut your hair! -Oh, yeah! 1537 01:17:36,953 --> 01:17:39,053 -Look at you! -Thanks for, thanks for, 1538 01:17:39,055 --> 01:17:40,021 thanks for meeting me, 1539 01:17:40,023 --> 01:17:42,156 and seeing the new me. 1540 01:17:42,158 --> 01:17:43,090 Yeah! 1541 01:17:43,092 --> 01:17:44,141 Sort of. 1542 01:17:44,142 --> 01:17:45,191 I think it's an improvement. 1543 01:17:45,194 --> 01:17:46,961 -Thank you. -You look very nice. 1544 01:17:46,963 --> 01:17:48,796 -Aw, you do too. -Oh, thank you. 1545 01:17:48,798 --> 01:17:50,398 -Oh, yes. -I was feeling festive. 1546 01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:52,033 -So festive! -You know, 1547 01:17:52,035 --> 01:17:54,435 you can never go wrong with a good crisscrossed sleeve. 1548 01:17:54,437 --> 01:17:56,003 Or... 1549 01:17:56,005 --> 01:17:57,004 A pattern. 1550 01:17:57,006 --> 01:17:58,239 ...or a pattern! 1551 01:17:58,241 --> 01:18:00,041 A bold, strong pattern. 1552 01:18:00,043 --> 01:18:01,909 It's a bold, it's my power shirt. 1553 01:18:01,911 --> 01:18:03,144 Good! 1554 01:18:03,146 --> 01:18:05,196 It's not, I don't know. 1555 01:18:05,197 --> 01:18:07,247 Let's get some ice cream from Half Baked Ice Cream. 1556 01:18:07,250 --> 01:18:08,416 -It's gonna be really good. -Okay. 1557 01:18:08,418 --> 01:18:10,351 I'm really excited. 1558 01:18:10,353 --> 01:18:12,953 Oh, it even smells good. 1559 01:18:12,955 --> 01:18:15,089 Okay, so don't judge me on my choices, 1560 01:18:15,091 --> 01:18:16,223 'cause I might go with more than one. 1561 01:18:16,225 --> 01:18:17,458 This is your show. 1562 01:18:17,460 --> 01:18:19,293 Okay. 1563 01:18:19,295 --> 01:18:21,062 Oh, God, this is hard! 1564 01:18:21,064 --> 01:18:23,030 They have everything I like. 1565 01:18:23,032 --> 01:18:24,432 It's like a whole--There should be, like, a whole section 1566 01:18:24,434 --> 01:18:26,801 just devoted to chocolate, 1567 01:18:26,803 --> 01:18:29,236 and then just vanilla can have, like, one flavor over there 1568 01:18:29,238 --> 01:18:31,972 next to the, next to the gross sherbet. 1569 01:18:31,974 --> 01:18:33,741 -That that colorful one? -Yes! 1570 01:18:33,743 --> 01:18:36,077 -Okay. -That's like eight flavors. 1571 01:18:36,079 --> 01:18:37,845 And it's just ice. 1572 01:18:37,847 --> 01:18:41,415 -Like, no, it doesn't belong. -No! 1573 01:18:41,417 --> 01:18:43,117 It doesn't belong, it needs to go. 1574 01:18:43,119 --> 01:18:44,686 I'm just gonna agree with 1575 01:18:44,687 --> 01:18:46,254 whatever you have to say anyway, so. 1576 01:18:46,255 --> 01:18:47,822 Excellent, that's the right way to go about it. 1577 01:18:47,824 --> 01:18:50,157 -I'm always right. -Yes. 1578 01:18:50,159 --> 01:18:52,093 -Everything. -You're right. 1579 01:18:52,095 --> 01:18:53,494 I could say the stupidest thing, 1580 01:18:53,496 --> 01:18:54,929 and you would say... 1581 01:18:54,931 --> 01:18:56,030 I agree. 1582 01:18:56,032 --> 01:18:57,732 -Or laugh. -Mm-hm. 1583 01:18:57,733 --> 01:18:59,433 -It depends on what comes first. -Yeah. 1584 01:18:59,435 --> 01:19:01,035 Depends on what naturally happens. 1585 01:19:01,037 --> 01:19:02,403 I'm not sweaty. 1586 01:19:02,405 --> 01:19:04,805 -I'm fine. -I'm, uh, it's fine. 1587 01:19:04,807 --> 01:19:07,174 (laughing) 1588 01:19:08,311 --> 01:19:11,145 -So, question. -Yes? 1589 01:19:11,147 --> 01:19:12,747 Why didn't you call me? 1590 01:19:12,749 --> 01:19:14,348 -Oh, right, right. -Mm-hm. 1591 01:19:14,350 --> 01:19:17,118 -Had to happen sometime. -Yeah, well, 1592 01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:18,252 it was real, 1593 01:19:18,254 --> 01:19:19,887 you know? 1594 01:19:19,888 --> 01:19:21,521 You're--I, I can't run away from you. 1595 01:19:21,524 --> 01:19:23,057 I mean, I know I ran away from you... 1596 01:19:23,059 --> 01:19:24,859 -A little bit. -...just a little bit, 1597 01:19:24,861 --> 01:19:27,128 but, like, I can't, like, you know, you're my friend, 1598 01:19:27,130 --> 01:19:28,980 you know, we've got the same friend group. 1599 01:19:28,981 --> 01:19:30,831 I couldn't, you know, I had to face it at some point. 1600 01:19:30,833 --> 01:19:32,266 Mm. 1601 01:19:32,268 --> 01:19:34,101 -Okay, I'll take it. -You know. 1602 01:19:34,103 --> 01:19:35,436 Okay. 1603 01:19:35,438 --> 01:19:36,837 Real stuff, huh? 1604 01:19:36,839 --> 01:19:38,072 -Real stuff. -Mm. 1605 01:19:38,074 --> 01:19:39,874 With real feelings and everything. 1606 01:19:39,876 --> 01:19:41,375 Right, right. 1607 01:19:41,377 --> 01:19:43,544 You're still the worst. 1608 01:19:43,546 --> 01:19:45,312 But you have your moments. 1609 01:19:45,314 --> 01:19:46,514 Rare. 1610 01:19:46,516 --> 01:19:47,515 Rare. 1611 01:19:47,517 --> 01:19:50,251 (laughing) 1612 01:19:50,253 --> 01:19:53,821 Okay, speaking of real, I got one more. 1613 01:19:53,823 --> 01:19:55,189 Real answer, 1614 01:19:55,191 --> 01:19:56,457 why pie? 1615 01:19:56,459 --> 01:19:59,460 -Why, pie, huh? -Mm-hm. 1616 01:19:59,462 --> 01:20:01,829 Well, way back when... 1617 01:20:01,831 --> 01:20:03,481 Right. 1618 01:20:03,482 --> 01:20:05,132 -...I, uh, I met a girl. -Mm-hm. 1619 01:20:05,134 --> 01:20:07,468 -And we went out on a date. -Mm-hm. 1620 01:20:07,470 --> 01:20:09,036 And it was just normal, it was dinner, 1621 01:20:09,038 --> 01:20:10,471 and drinks, and the whole, you know. 1622 01:20:10,473 --> 01:20:12,072 -Wow! -And it went really well, 1623 01:20:12,074 --> 01:20:13,374 so there was a second date. 1624 01:20:13,376 --> 01:20:14,575 -Mm-hm. -And on that second date, 1625 01:20:14,577 --> 01:20:18,946 I had to pick something besides an $80 dinner. 1626 01:20:18,948 --> 01:20:20,214 It was a long time ago, you know. 1627 01:20:20,216 --> 01:20:22,016 Right. 1628 01:20:22,017 --> 01:20:23,817 And a coffee's kind of like a business date. 1629 01:20:23,820 --> 01:20:25,820 Mm-hm. 1630 01:20:25,822 --> 01:20:27,087 And, you know, 1631 01:20:27,089 --> 01:20:28,589 drinks are a little presumptuous, 1632 01:20:28,591 --> 01:20:30,057 so I settled on pie. 1633 01:20:30,059 --> 01:20:31,458 It's kind of like a nice, easy, 1634 01:20:31,460 --> 01:20:32,960 -in the middle thing. -Mm-hm. 1635 01:20:32,962 --> 01:20:34,395 And it was great, it was a great date, 1636 01:20:34,397 --> 01:20:36,263 and we fell in love, 1637 01:20:36,265 --> 01:20:38,065 and did all the things, 1638 01:20:38,067 --> 01:20:40,935 and then she got sick, 1639 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:43,504 and she died. 1640 01:20:46,342 --> 01:20:47,842 I'm just fuckin' with you. 1641 01:20:47,843 --> 01:20:49,343 -I'm sorry, she's-- -What the--? 1642 01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:50,845 You're--What's wrong with you? 1643 01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:51,979 I don't know what's wrong with me. 1644 01:20:51,980 --> 01:20:53,112 -I just like-- -That's horrible! 1645 01:20:53,115 --> 01:20:54,982 I saw an opening--She's fine! 1646 01:20:54,984 --> 01:20:57,218 -She just, she just moved away. -Okay, was any of that 1647 01:20:57,220 --> 01:20:58,485 -story real? -All real, I swear. 1648 01:20:58,487 --> 01:20:59,486 She just, she just moved away. 1649 01:20:59,488 --> 01:21:00,588 She's alive. 1650 01:21:00,590 --> 01:21:03,023 Oh, my God! 1651 01:21:03,025 --> 01:21:04,425 Oh, you're terr-- I don't believe you. 1652 01:21:04,427 --> 01:21:06,126 But when she moved away, we, like, you know, 1653 01:21:06,128 --> 01:21:07,228 it was hard, 1654 01:21:07,230 --> 01:21:08,229 you know, we broke up. 1655 01:21:08,231 --> 01:21:10,564 -And, uh-- -Mm-hm. 1656 01:21:10,566 --> 01:21:12,266 The first, like, when I started dating again, 1657 01:21:12,268 --> 01:21:14,335 the first thing that came to mind was, 1658 01:21:14,337 --> 01:21:15,436 was pie. 1659 01:21:15,438 --> 01:21:17,071 And then it just, you know, 1660 01:21:17,073 --> 01:21:19,573 -snowballed outta control. -Right, just, just completely. 1661 01:21:19,575 --> 01:21:21,208 -Mm-hm. -All the way down the hill. 1662 01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,377 Yeah. 1663 01:21:23,379 --> 01:21:24,645 I can't believe you. 1664 01:21:24,647 --> 01:21:26,580 You're terrible. 1665 01:21:28,584 --> 01:21:30,351 -Okay, you comin'? -I'm comin'! 1666 01:21:30,353 --> 01:21:33,621 (laughing) 1667 01:21:33,623 --> 01:21:35,122 But ice cream, though, you know? 1668 01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:36,957 -Yeah, always a good choice. -It's good. 1669 01:21:36,959 --> 01:21:38,993 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1670 01:21:38,995 --> 01:21:40,261 Oh, my God, I got some of your vanilla in there. 1671 01:21:40,263 --> 01:21:41,395 Oh, no! 1672 01:21:41,397 --> 01:21:43,163 (laughing) 1673 01:21:43,165 --> 01:21:50,905 ¶ 1674 01:21:50,907 --> 01:21:52,940 What do you guys think? 1675 01:21:52,942 --> 01:21:54,308 It's good, yeah. 1676 01:21:54,310 --> 01:21:56,243 I mean, I like it, it's definitely the most 1677 01:21:56,245 --> 01:21:58,212 relatable thing you've ever written. 1678 01:21:58,214 --> 01:21:59,780 Relatable's good. 1679 01:21:59,781 --> 01:22:01,347 It's good, but your character, 1680 01:22:01,350 --> 01:22:04,184 I think that there are contexts and scenes that are 1681 01:22:04,186 --> 01:22:06,020 a little bit unrealistic. 1682 01:22:06,022 --> 01:22:07,955 -Here, let me just-- -But it--Okay. 1683 01:22:07,957 --> 01:22:10,057 -But it really happened. -Why would a guy 1684 01:22:10,059 --> 01:22:11,625 who's tryin' to find love 1685 01:22:11,627 --> 01:22:14,061 go on Tinder, and then go on these pie dates? 1686 01:22:14,063 --> 01:22:15,229 It just doesn't make sense. 1687 01:22:15,231 --> 01:22:17,665 Everyone goes on Tinder for one reason. 1688 01:22:17,667 --> 01:22:19,333 But that's not necessarily true. 1689 01:22:19,334 --> 01:22:21,000 It is fuckin' true, allow me to tell you why. 1690 01:22:21,003 --> 01:22:23,170 Everyone is thinkin' in binary, bro. 1691 01:22:23,172 --> 01:22:24,972 Ones and zeroes, yes or nos. 1692 01:22:24,974 --> 01:22:26,340 Dude, what are you talkin' about? 1693 01:22:26,342 --> 01:22:28,275 Binary? 1694 01:22:28,277 --> 01:22:30,611 People go on Tinder dates for all types of reasons. 1695 01:22:30,613 --> 01:22:32,380 It's about the experience. 1696 01:22:32,381 --> 01:22:34,148 You know, hopefully you meet someone that you can, 1697 01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:35,382 you know, go on another date with, 1698 01:22:35,384 --> 01:22:37,217 who you like to actually talk to. 1699 01:22:37,219 --> 01:22:39,219 No one finds love on Tinder, that's all I'm sayin'. 1700 01:22:39,221 --> 01:22:41,105 How do you not-- 1701 01:22:41,106 --> 01:22:42,990 Not everyone can just live their life without emotion. 1702 01:22:42,992 --> 01:22:45,726 Like, you need some level of emotion to-- 1703 01:22:45,728 --> 01:22:47,728 Look at me, I'm very happy. 1704 01:22:47,730 --> 01:22:48,662 Look at you. 1705 01:22:48,664 --> 01:22:50,998 So you guys would watch this? 1706 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:54,034 I'd watch just about anything, but yes, I'd watch this. 1707 01:22:54,036 --> 01:22:56,337 If I didn't know you were making it, 1708 01:22:56,339 --> 01:22:58,305 no. 1709 01:22:58,307 --> 01:23:01,108 But my whole point is that 1710 01:23:01,110 --> 01:23:03,310 in order to feel better about myself 1711 01:23:03,312 --> 01:23:05,346 out in the real world and I was just recently single, 1712 01:23:05,348 --> 01:23:08,582 sure, yes, I would watch it. 1713 01:23:08,584 --> 01:23:10,985 So what's the title? 1714 01:23:10,987 --> 01:23:13,454 I don't know, I had Pie Stories. 1715 01:23:13,456 --> 01:23:15,089 Pie Stories? 1716 01:23:15,091 --> 01:23:18,158 What about, like, Pieland? 1717 01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:20,728 Like Thailand, but Pieland. 1718 01:23:20,730 --> 01:23:22,463 -We'll work on that. -How 'bout, uh, 1719 01:23:22,465 --> 01:23:24,431 how 'bout Pie Hard? 1720 01:23:24,433 --> 01:23:26,433 Or, or True Pies. 1721 01:23:26,435 --> 01:23:29,436 You know, True Lies, True Pies? 1722 01:23:29,438 --> 01:23:31,205 -Like the movie? -Or, or Pie-o-dome? 1723 01:23:31,207 --> 01:23:33,207 Ooh, Pie-o-dome! 1724 01:23:33,209 --> 01:23:34,608 Okay, okay, we're rolling. 1725 01:23:34,610 --> 01:23:37,077 I was thinking Me, Myself, and Pie's not a bad idea. 1726 01:23:37,079 --> 01:23:39,146 -I like that. -Thank you, right. 1727 01:23:39,148 --> 01:23:40,614 Pies Wide Shut, Pies Wide Shut! 1728 01:23:40,616 --> 01:23:42,383 (laughing) 1729 01:23:42,385 --> 01:23:44,651 -Oh, sexual. -Um. 1730 01:23:44,653 --> 01:23:46,453 A Million Ways to Pie in the West. 1731 01:23:46,455 --> 01:23:48,389 -Okay. -But it's not a Western though. 1732 01:23:48,391 --> 01:23:50,124 Um. 1733 01:23:50,126 --> 01:23:53,060 -No, it's not a Western. -He's right. 1734 01:23:53,062 --> 01:23:54,762 Um, Collateral Pies? 1735 01:23:54,764 --> 01:23:56,330 Uh, Pies-- 1736 01:23:56,332 --> 01:23:57,464 Pie-rates of the Caribbean. 1737 01:23:57,466 --> 01:23:58,599 Pirates of the Caribbean? 1738 01:23:58,601 --> 01:23:59,767 Pie-rates, Pie. 1739 01:23:59,769 --> 01:24:01,368 That's just the name of a movie! 1740 01:24:01,370 --> 01:24:04,705 No, like the pie, you know, 1741 01:24:04,707 --> 01:24:06,140 -there's a pirate. -There's no, 1742 01:24:06,142 --> 01:24:07,174 there's no joke there. 1743 01:24:07,176 --> 01:24:08,642 It's just the name of a movie. 1744 01:24:08,644 --> 01:24:10,177 I mean, fuck it. 1745 01:24:10,179 --> 01:24:12,279 -How 'bout American Pie? -Ah. 1746 01:24:12,281 --> 01:24:13,480 That's the same thing! 1747 01:24:13,482 --> 01:24:15,049 -That's worse! -Canadian Pie, 1748 01:24:15,051 --> 01:24:16,667 -whatever, dude. -That's nothing. 1749 01:24:16,668 --> 01:24:18,284 -That's just a made up name. -It'll be an appropriation 1750 01:24:18,287 --> 01:24:19,553 of American Pie. 1751 01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:23,123 -Uh, Romeo Must Pie. -Oh, yes! 1752 01:24:23,125 --> 01:24:24,758 That's, that's like too good. 1753 01:24:24,760 --> 01:24:26,727 Right, you see, you see what I did there? 1754 01:24:26,729 --> 01:24:28,695 -That's perfect! -This is not Shakespeare, 1755 01:24:28,697 --> 01:24:30,798 this is modern art. 1756 01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:33,333 It's not Shakespeare, none of this is Shakespeare. 1757 01:24:33,335 --> 01:24:35,069 It is so Shakespeare. 1758 01:24:35,071 --> 01:24:38,672 The story is the guy going on fucking social media 1759 01:24:38,674 --> 01:24:41,508 -dating apps, like Tinder-- -At a pie place! 1760 01:24:41,510 --> 01:24:43,544 Romeo Must Pie! 1761 01:24:43,546 --> 01:24:46,346 -Romeo Must Pie. -What's goin' on, man? 1762 01:24:46,348 --> 01:24:48,048 Everyone's-- 1763 01:24:48,049 --> 01:24:49,749 -Pie-rates of the Caribbean. -It's not a high-concept idea, 1764 01:24:49,752 --> 01:24:51,518 -this is low-concept idea, the guy's just 1765 01:24:51,520 --> 01:24:54,321 -tryin' to get laid. -Pie-rates, American Pie! 1766 01:24:54,323 --> 01:24:56,457 Oh, how come I didn't think of that? 1767 01:24:56,459 --> 01:24:58,158 (laughing) 1768 01:24:58,160 --> 01:24:59,827 That's great. 1769 01:24:59,829 --> 01:25:01,595 That was good. 1770 01:25:01,597 --> 01:25:03,430 That was good. 1771 01:25:03,432 --> 01:25:05,466 (laughing) 1772 01:25:05,468 --> 01:25:15,442 ¶ 1773 01:25:20,816 --> 01:25:24,418 ¶ Post-modernism took you by surprise 1774 01:25:24,420 --> 01:25:26,687 while you were people-watching 1775 01:25:26,689 --> 01:25:30,290 at the cafeteria ¶ 1776 01:25:30,292 --> 01:25:32,126 ¶ You were in there 1777 01:25:32,128 --> 01:25:36,296 writing a book about all your nightmares ¶ 1778 01:25:36,298 --> 01:25:39,299 ¶ And God you looked so serious ¶ 1779 01:25:39,301 --> 01:25:43,403 ¶ But the little boy was a she ¶ 1780 01:25:43,405 --> 01:25:47,841 ¶ We fell asleep while watchin' our DVD ¶ 1781 01:25:47,843 --> 01:25:51,278 ¶ 1782 01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:54,481 ¶ Cold tears in the wintertime ¶ 1783 01:25:54,483 --> 01:25:57,818 ¶ That's what you mean to me now ¶ 1784 01:25:57,820 --> 01:26:00,521 ¶ 1785 01:26:00,523 --> 01:26:04,558 ¶ Cold tears in wintertime ¶ 1786 01:26:04,560 --> 01:26:08,929 ¶ So much that I almost drowned ¶ 1787 01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:11,365 ¶ It's all over now ¶ 1788 01:26:11,367 --> 01:26:13,700 ¶ It's all over now ¶ 1789 01:26:13,702 --> 01:26:18,338 ¶ My mind keeps workin' overtime ¶ 1790 01:26:18,340 --> 01:26:22,543 ¶ To clean up the mess just to ease all the stress ¶ 1791 01:26:22,545 --> 01:26:28,649 ¶ Of those cold tears in the wintertime ¶ 1792 01:26:28,651 --> 01:26:31,885 ¶