WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:02.103 --> 00:00:09.008 ¶ 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:09.010 --> 00:00:09.742 ¶ 5 00:00:09.744 --> 00:00:11.443 Okay. 6 00:00:11.445 --> 00:00:14.546 I'm swimming up stream a bit here but... 7 00:00:14.548 --> 00:00:16.248 I really do love LA. 8 00:00:16.250 --> 00:00:17.649 I mean, it's okay. 9 00:00:17.651 --> 00:00:19.151 You don't like it here? 10 00:00:19.153 --> 00:00:21.320 No, I do, I like it, it's just... 11 00:00:21.322 --> 00:00:22.521 there's too many people. 12 00:00:22.523 --> 00:00:24.189 The traffic, it's insane. 13 00:00:24.191 --> 00:00:26.325 The smog is out of control. 14 00:00:26.327 --> 00:00:28.494 Yeah, but we have nice beaches. 15 00:00:28.496 --> 00:00:31.430 People are pretty mellow so I'd give it like a 50/50. 16 00:00:31.432 --> 00:00:34.033 -Ey, I'll take 50/50. -Good. 17 00:00:34.035 --> 00:00:35.100 At least you don't hate it. 18 00:00:35.102 --> 00:00:37.336 Yeah, yeah. 19 00:00:37.338 --> 00:00:38.137 Want some? 20 00:00:38.139 --> 00:00:39.238 No, I'm good. 21 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:40.439 Okay, you're good. 22 00:00:40.441 --> 00:00:42.307 Let's get some pie! 23 00:00:42.309 --> 00:00:44.710 No, I'm too high to be in public right now. 24 00:00:44.712 --> 00:00:46.412 I can't, I can't do it. 25 00:00:46.414 --> 00:00:48.213 Why didn't you stop us from getting so high? 26 00:00:48.215 --> 00:00:49.481 I don't know. 27 00:00:49.483 --> 00:00:51.583 -Yeah, I'm really high too. -I know. 28 00:00:51.585 --> 00:00:55.120 -This is your fault. -I'm sorry. 29 00:00:55.122 --> 00:00:56.221 Ugh. 30 00:00:56.223 --> 00:00:58.824 Yeah, I'm high. 31 00:00:58.826 --> 00:01:00.526 Damn. 32 00:01:00.528 --> 00:01:02.194 What are we gonna do? 33 00:01:02.196 --> 00:01:05.164 We're gonna make pie. 34 00:01:05.166 --> 00:01:06.465 -We're gonna make pie? -Yeah. 35 00:01:06.467 --> 00:01:07.499 -Like you and me? -Yeah. 36 00:01:07.501 --> 00:01:09.468 -Together? -Yeah, yeah. 37 00:01:09.470 --> 00:01:12.538 -Yeah, you and me, uh-huh. -No, we are? 38 00:01:12.540 --> 00:01:14.106 All right. 39 00:01:14.108 --> 00:01:16.175 I'll just take your word for it. 40 00:01:16.177 --> 00:01:17.776 Get it excited for it. Right now. 41 00:01:17.778 --> 00:01:19.144 -Can you drive? -I'm good. 42 00:01:19.146 --> 00:01:20.446 I'm good, I'm good. 43 00:01:20.448 --> 00:01:21.447 You can't get pie but you can drive? 44 00:01:21.449 --> 00:01:23.482 -Right, right. -Okay. 45 00:01:23.484 --> 00:01:31.690 ¶ 46 00:01:35.229 --> 00:01:37.729 We're not gonna miss these. 47 00:01:37.731 --> 00:01:42.701 Okay and then for the pie crust. 48 00:01:42.703 --> 00:01:44.303 I don't know, just add water. 49 00:01:44.305 --> 00:01:47.239 ¶ 50 00:01:47.241 --> 00:01:50.576 Stocks are down. 51 00:01:50.578 --> 00:01:53.112 Which ones? 52 00:01:53.114 --> 00:01:55.747 Uh, the red ones. 53 00:01:55.749 --> 00:02:05.524 ¶ 54 00:02:17.338 --> 00:02:19.905 Seriously? You still watch Mel Gibson movies? 55 00:02:19.907 --> 00:02:21.507 Oh, absolutely. 56 00:02:21.509 --> 00:02:23.175 But the whole Jewish thing! 57 00:02:23.177 --> 00:02:25.844 What? I mean, it's art. It's art. 58 00:02:25.846 --> 00:02:28.514 You wouldn't stop watching Disney movies, would you? 59 00:02:28.516 --> 00:02:30.249 Mmm, well turns out he's not quite the bigot 60 00:02:30.251 --> 00:02:31.783 everyone thought he was. 61 00:02:31.785 --> 00:02:34.453 Well, there's gotta be a better example out there anyway. 62 00:02:34.455 --> 00:02:36.388 -No, no. -No. 63 00:02:36.390 --> 00:02:39.691 ¶ 64 00:02:39.693 --> 00:02:41.593 And you know, I've always thought 65 00:02:41.595 --> 00:02:43.495 that if Mel Gibson and I like just got to know each other 66 00:02:43.497 --> 00:02:44.863 a little bit, could turn him around 67 00:02:44.865 --> 00:02:47.399 on the whole Jewish thing. 68 00:02:47.401 --> 00:02:48.800 Right. 69 00:02:48.802 --> 00:02:54.306 ¶ 70 00:02:54.308 --> 00:02:55.807 Coming in hot. 71 00:02:55.809 --> 00:02:57.776 There you go and one for me. 72 00:02:57.778 --> 00:02:59.811 So ready. 73 00:02:59.813 --> 00:03:01.713 Me too. 74 00:03:01.715 --> 00:03:04.583 -Ugh, okay, yes. -Here we go. 75 00:03:09.523 --> 00:03:12.858 -Oh. -This is so bad. 76 00:03:12.860 --> 00:03:14.593 So bad. 77 00:03:14.595 --> 00:03:17.262 It's like really bad. 78 00:03:17.264 --> 00:03:20.465 Don't gag. 79 00:03:20.467 --> 00:03:21.833 No--I'm serious. 80 00:03:21.835 --> 00:03:23.769 Don't you-- 81 00:03:23.771 --> 00:03:24.870 Oh my god. 82 00:03:24.872 --> 00:03:29.308 No, no, wait it gets better. 83 00:03:29.310 --> 00:03:33.278 It just tastes way too authentic. 84 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:36.215 It tastes kind of sweaty. 85 00:03:36.217 --> 00:03:40.752 It tastes like the inside of my dogs mouth. 86 00:03:40.754 --> 00:03:43.555 It tastes like when grandma wants you to stay 87 00:03:43.557 --> 00:03:47.793 but you make up an excuse but leave anyway. 88 00:03:47.795 --> 00:03:50.929 It tastes like the bottom of Gandhi's feet. 89 00:03:50.931 --> 00:03:54.766 Yeah it does. 90 00:03:54.768 --> 00:03:58.804 Are you still eating it? 91 00:03:58.806 --> 00:04:01.340 No, no, no. 92 00:04:01.342 --> 00:04:03.408 In cash, yeah. 93 00:04:03.410 --> 00:04:05.244 How long is that going to take? 94 00:04:05.246 --> 00:04:10.315 Okay, all right, thank you, thank you, bye. 95 00:04:10.317 --> 00:04:13.285 Okay, it's going to be about an hour. 96 00:04:13.287 --> 00:04:15.487 Well, what do you want to do? 97 00:04:15.489 --> 00:04:19.825 ¶ 98 00:04:19.827 --> 00:04:22.261 -So addicting. -Is it? 99 00:04:22.263 --> 00:04:24.529 -This is all I ever need. -It's over. 100 00:04:24.531 --> 00:04:27.266 I won't move after this day. 101 00:04:27.268 --> 00:04:28.700 ¶ 102 00:04:28.702 --> 00:04:32.371 (knocking) 103 00:04:32.373 --> 00:04:41.880 ¶ 104 00:04:47.888 --> 00:04:49.955 -Cheers. -Cheers. 105 00:04:49.957 --> 00:04:52.457 -Mmm, it's good. -Mhm, it is. 106 00:04:52.459 --> 00:04:55.594 -It's like really fucking good. -It's so good. 107 00:04:55.596 --> 00:04:57.763 Well, you are really high though. 108 00:04:57.765 --> 00:04:59.331 I'm really high. 109 00:04:59.333 --> 00:05:03.969 (chuckling) 110 00:05:03.971 --> 00:05:07.939 So why do you like pie so much? 111 00:05:07.941 --> 00:05:10.575 Hm. 112 00:05:10.577 --> 00:05:11.610 ¶ 113 00:05:11.612 --> 00:05:13.945 Who doesn't like pie. 114 00:05:13.947 --> 00:05:15.814 I wouldn't trust someone who doesn't like pie 115 00:05:15.816 --> 00:05:17.516 or dogs. 116 00:05:17.518 --> 00:05:20.552 You always do pie on the first date? 117 00:05:20.554 --> 00:05:22.521 Hm, I try to, you know. 118 00:05:22.523 --> 00:05:23.922 Why? 119 00:05:23.924 --> 00:05:26.725 ¶ 120 00:05:26.727 --> 00:05:28.794 It's easy. 121 00:05:28.796 --> 00:05:30.829 It's cheap. 122 00:05:30.831 --> 00:05:32.664 Sometimes-- and this has happened, 123 00:05:32.666 --> 00:05:35.434 sometimes there's no spark, sometimes it's just not there. 124 00:05:35.436 --> 00:05:39.071 Sometimes I don't like her, she doesn't like me. 125 00:05:39.073 --> 00:05:42.040 I'm a little anxious, she's a little boring. 126 00:05:42.042 --> 00:05:46.545 Okay, what's the worst date you've ever been on? 127 00:05:46.547 --> 00:05:50.048 Let's not call it the worst date or the best worst date. 128 00:05:50.050 --> 00:05:52.751 -Maybe just the weirdest date. -Okay? 129 00:05:52.753 --> 00:05:54.920 Cause in the end I kind of have a good time. 130 00:05:54.922 --> 00:05:56.488 Right, right, right, okay. 131 00:05:56.490 --> 00:05:59.124 -Tell me more. -Okay, all right. 132 00:05:59.126 --> 00:06:00.926 I think it was like two years ago. 133 00:06:00.928 --> 00:06:04.529 We're meeting at Dupar's, I mean, we were getting pie. 134 00:06:04.531 --> 00:06:09.000 Wait, were you wearing your date-night-shirt? 135 00:06:09.002 --> 00:06:11.570 -This shirt? -Yeah. 136 00:06:11.572 --> 00:06:15.407 -No. -Mhm. 137 00:06:15.409 --> 00:06:17.509 -Met her on Tinder. -Naturally. 138 00:06:17.511 --> 00:06:20.011 And in all of her pictures she's wearing 139 00:06:20.013 --> 00:06:22.381 very cute, like pixie-type things. 140 00:06:22.383 --> 00:06:23.815 -Does that make sense? -Yeah, yeah. 141 00:06:23.817 --> 00:06:25.484 But I was into it, I was into it. 142 00:06:25.486 --> 00:06:27.686 So wait, what was she wearing when she rolled up though? 143 00:06:27.688 --> 00:06:30.155 Oh like head-to-toe goth. 144 00:06:30.157 --> 00:06:32.124 Nothing but. 145 00:06:32.126 --> 00:06:33.492 I mean, black dress, 146 00:06:33.494 --> 00:06:35.127 black lipstick, 147 00:06:35.129 --> 00:06:36.762 black veil over her eyes. 148 00:06:36.764 --> 00:06:38.897 -The whole thing. -Oh my gosh. 149 00:06:38.899 --> 00:06:42.701 And--and I'm not--I'm probably exaggerating to an extent 150 00:06:42.703 --> 00:06:45.003 but I remember her just being a foot taller. 151 00:06:45.005 --> 00:06:46.938 Just like looking down at me. 152 00:06:46.940 --> 00:06:48.707 -Wait what did you do? -What do you mean, 153 00:06:48.709 --> 00:06:50.175 -what did I do? -Well, did you leave? 154 00:06:50.177 --> 00:06:52.811 -No, no way. -What? What? 155 00:06:52.813 --> 00:06:54.780 No way, there's rules you know. 156 00:06:54.782 --> 00:06:57.449 You sign up for pie you get me. 157 00:06:57.451 --> 00:07:02.521 Or you sign up for me and you get some pie. 158 00:07:02.523 --> 00:07:04.523 -One or the other. -One or the other. 159 00:07:04.525 --> 00:07:07.492 And like I said, it ended up being a pretty good time. 160 00:07:07.494 --> 00:07:11.863 I would've missed out on meeting a perfectly decent, 161 00:07:11.865 --> 00:07:13.799 perfectly sweet person. 162 00:07:13.801 --> 00:07:19.905 ¶ 163 00:07:19.907 --> 00:07:21.807 Wow. 164 00:07:21.809 --> 00:07:24.943 -For real. -That's sweet of you. 165 00:07:24.945 --> 00:07:28.713 -I have my moments. -Rare. 166 00:07:28.715 --> 00:07:31.082 This pie is so fucking good. 167 00:07:31.084 --> 00:07:34.152 I'm gonna finish this whole thing and jump off the roof. 168 00:07:34.154 --> 00:07:37.556 -Uh-oh. -Oh your hair. 169 00:07:37.558 --> 00:07:39.891 You should wash it. 170 00:07:39.893 --> 00:07:42.894 Aw, lady trying to save the tramp. 171 00:07:42.896 --> 00:07:45.864 Oh, well can't a lady try? 172 00:07:45.866 --> 00:07:47.199 She can. 173 00:07:47.201 --> 00:07:57.075 ¶ 174 00:09:01.542 --> 00:09:04.743 Sorry, I completely lost my train of thought. 175 00:09:04.745 --> 00:09:07.312 What exactly did you want to talk to me about today? 176 00:09:07.314 --> 00:09:09.948 Oh, oh, yeah, it's... 177 00:09:09.950 --> 00:09:13.084 so I've been taking my dates out for pie. 178 00:09:13.086 --> 00:09:16.288 So you've been dating, good. 179 00:09:16.290 --> 00:09:20.125 How have you felt different since you started dating? 180 00:09:20.127 --> 00:09:25.830 I feel like I've been having these micro relationships. 181 00:09:25.832 --> 00:09:28.733 Why do you use the word micro? 182 00:09:28.735 --> 00:09:33.605 Because it's another word for small. 183 00:09:33.607 --> 00:09:37.709 All right, it--it feels like all simmer and no boil. 184 00:09:37.711 --> 00:09:40.779 Yeah sometimes these things take time to develop. 185 00:09:40.781 --> 00:09:42.614 Yeah well, sometimes they don't. 186 00:09:42.616 --> 00:09:47.652 It's overstated but you won't know until you try. 187 00:09:47.654 --> 00:09:50.889 -It is overstated. -Look, 188 00:09:50.891 --> 00:09:53.725 everyone comes into our lives for a season, 189 00:09:53.727 --> 00:09:56.695 a reason and forever. 190 00:09:56.697 --> 00:09:59.898 Don't worry about the ones who will be there forever. 191 00:09:59.900 --> 00:10:02.601 Just enjoy the ones for a season and... 192 00:10:02.603 --> 00:10:05.103 remember the ones for a reason. 193 00:10:05.105 --> 00:10:08.173 Do you understand what that means? 194 00:10:08.175 --> 00:10:12.277 It means that no one knows anything. 195 00:10:12.279 --> 00:10:14.145 Look, this isn't a quiz. 196 00:10:14.147 --> 00:10:15.880 Just think about it. 197 00:10:15.882 --> 00:10:17.248 Take it home with ya. 198 00:10:17.250 --> 00:10:18.350 I can take it home with me. 199 00:10:18.352 --> 00:10:21.252 And remember... 200 00:10:21.254 --> 00:10:24.856 A season, a reason and forever. 201 00:10:24.858 --> 00:10:30.729 ¶ 202 00:10:30.731 --> 00:10:32.697 (laughing) 203 00:10:32.699 --> 00:10:34.833 Oh yeah, I love this movie! 204 00:10:34.835 --> 00:10:38.403 My great Uncle Chester was just violently murdered. 205 00:10:38.405 --> 00:10:41.006 ¶ 206 00:10:41.008 --> 00:10:43.241 (laughing) 207 00:10:43.243 --> 00:10:46.277 ¶ 208 00:10:46.279 --> 00:10:47.278 (shouting) 209 00:10:47.280 --> 00:10:50.749 (slashing) 210 00:10:53.687 --> 00:10:58.023 (laughing) 211 00:10:58.025 --> 00:10:59.791 So she tells me to like trim up 212 00:10:59.793 --> 00:11:01.860 and I'm thinking to myself, well all right, fine. 213 00:11:01.862 --> 00:11:04.362 What I'll do--and tell me what your thoughts are here 214 00:11:04.364 --> 00:11:06.097 cause I'm really curious, I was thinking about doing 215 00:11:06.099 --> 00:11:08.333 a giant fade and then I was thinking at the bottom 216 00:11:08.335 --> 00:11:10.769 I'd take some Nair and--Dude, where are you going? 217 00:11:10.771 --> 00:11:12.337 I have a date actually. 218 00:11:12.339 --> 00:11:14.272 Dude, it was The Empire Strikes Back night. 219 00:11:14.274 --> 00:11:16.107 Every night's Empire Strikes Back. 220 00:11:16.109 --> 00:11:18.143 Dude, I got your favorite popcorn from Trader Joe's. 221 00:11:18.145 --> 00:11:20.011 Like, I thought this was like planned. 222 00:11:20.013 --> 00:11:24.916 I appreciate it, I have a date with Jackie Collins. 223 00:11:24.918 --> 00:11:26.418 Like, the Jackie Collins? 224 00:11:26.420 --> 00:11:27.886 The Jackie Collins from high school. 225 00:11:27.888 --> 00:11:29.421 How the fuck did you pull that off, dude? 226 00:11:29.423 --> 00:11:31.056 We matched on Bumble. 227 00:11:31.058 --> 00:11:34.092 Barry, Barry, Barry. 228 00:11:34.094 --> 00:11:37.862 Barry, Barry, Barry. 229 00:11:37.864 --> 00:11:40.799 Barry, Barry, Barry. 230 00:11:40.801 --> 00:11:42.934 -Barry-- -This is the best part, man. 231 00:11:42.936 --> 00:11:45.136 (shouting) 232 00:11:45.138 --> 00:11:47.839 Shut the fuck up. 233 00:11:47.841 --> 00:11:50.141 Dude, why are you wearing that shirt? 234 00:11:50.143 --> 00:11:51.776 Why, what's wrong with this shirt? 235 00:11:51.778 --> 00:11:53.344 I've known you for 16 years, 236 00:11:53.346 --> 00:11:54.979 I think I met you in that shirt. 237 00:11:54.981 --> 00:11:56.247 You cannot be wearing that shirt 238 00:11:56.249 --> 00:11:57.449 on a date with Jackie Collins. 239 00:11:57.451 --> 00:11:58.450 No, it's--I love this shirt. 240 00:11:58.452 --> 00:12:00.985 It's like blue and red. 241 00:12:00.987 --> 00:12:02.854 Are you taking her to the batting cages? 242 00:12:02.856 --> 00:12:04.322 Cause that's what it looks like. 243 00:12:04.323 --> 00:12:05.789 You're taking her to the fucking batting cages. 244 00:12:05.792 --> 00:12:07.992 No, I'm not taking her to the batting cages. 245 00:12:07.994 --> 00:12:09.961 That shirt sucks your presence right out of the room 246 00:12:09.963 --> 00:12:11.429 and you need to change that shirt right now. 247 00:12:11.431 --> 00:12:13.264 This is a good shirt-- Just don't get in my head. 248 00:12:13.266 --> 00:12:14.899 -This is a good shirt. -You're embarrassing yourself. 249 00:12:14.901 --> 00:12:16.134 No I'm not, this is a great shirt. 250 00:12:16.136 --> 00:12:17.902 Are you trying to get laid? 251 00:12:17.904 --> 00:12:20.238 Of course, well, maybe, this is the first date. 252 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:21.873 -No. -It's a great shirt. 253 00:12:21.875 --> 00:12:22.907 Go back in your room, change your shirt. 254 00:12:22.909 --> 00:12:24.275 I will loan you a goddamn shirt. 255 00:12:24.277 --> 00:12:25.910 -I'm not changing the shirt. -That shirt, 256 00:12:25.912 --> 00:12:27.779 I'm sorry, it's awful. It's fucking awful. 257 00:12:27.781 --> 00:12:29.414 It's not awful, it is a quality-- 258 00:12:29.416 --> 00:12:31.483 Dude, this is gonna be the demise of you! 259 00:12:31.485 --> 00:12:33.284 You need to do this for me! 260 00:12:33.286 --> 00:12:36.521 You are not taking that fucking shirt out with you! 261 00:12:36.523 --> 00:12:38.056 You're not wearing that shirt. 262 00:12:38.058 --> 00:12:39.824 Go back in your room, change your shirt. 263 00:12:39.826 --> 00:12:41.493 I will loan you a shirt, that shirt's awful. 264 00:12:41.495 --> 00:12:43.795 -I'm not changing the shirt. -You're fucking this up for us. 265 00:12:43.797 --> 00:12:45.463 The shirt's fine, I'm fine, you're fucking with my head. 266 00:12:45.465 --> 00:12:47.198 -This is awful! -I'm not changing the shirt. 267 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:49.334 Why? Are you trying to get laid? 268 00:12:49.336 --> 00:12:50.869 You're fucking this up. 269 00:12:50.871 --> 00:12:52.237 You're fucking this up for both of us. 270 00:12:52.239 --> 00:12:54.806 Once again, once again. 271 00:12:54.808 --> 00:13:04.482 ¶ 272 00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:35.640 Can I tell you something you don't know? 273 00:14:35.642 --> 00:14:37.108 Sure. 274 00:14:37.110 --> 00:14:39.043 What don't I know? 275 00:14:39.045 --> 00:14:43.381 I had a huge crush on you in high school. 276 00:14:43.383 --> 00:14:45.316 What? 277 00:14:45.318 --> 00:14:47.085 You look like you're having a stroke right now. 278 00:14:47.087 --> 00:14:49.420 I am having a stroke right now. 279 00:14:49.422 --> 00:14:52.090 You had a crush on me in high school? 280 00:14:52.092 --> 00:14:55.226 -No, you're fucking with me. -No. 281 00:14:55.228 --> 00:14:59.631 -I don't believe you. -You should. 282 00:14:59.633 --> 00:15:04.936 But I think I'm Asexual. 283 00:15:04.938 --> 00:15:07.038 You can reproduce by yourself? 284 00:15:07.040 --> 00:15:08.640 What? 285 00:15:08.642 --> 00:15:10.308 No, is that what you think it means? 286 00:15:10.310 --> 00:15:12.477 That is what that means. 287 00:15:12.479 --> 00:15:13.511 No, not at all. 288 00:15:13.513 --> 00:15:15.446 I'm--I'm pretty sure. 289 00:15:15.448 --> 00:15:19.017 Hammerhead sharks, banana slugs and Godzilla 290 00:15:19.019 --> 00:15:20.585 can reproduce by themselves. 291 00:15:20.587 --> 00:15:23.354 -That is not what Asexual means. -Hell yeah. 292 00:15:23.356 --> 00:15:25.456 Alright, 80 percent sure. 293 00:15:25.458 --> 00:15:27.358 You remember the movie in the '90s, Godzilla 294 00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:28.927 just laid eggs all by itself. 295 00:15:28.929 --> 00:15:31.629 -No, it means-- -Yup, 100 percent. 296 00:15:31.631 --> 00:15:34.499 -That is not what it means. -Are you sure? 297 00:15:34.501 --> 00:15:37.235 It means I don't have sexual feelings. 298 00:15:37.237 --> 00:15:38.970 What? 299 00:15:38.972 --> 00:15:41.572 Yeah, I just don't enjoy sex. 300 00:15:41.574 --> 00:15:45.009 -You don't enjoy sex at all? -Yeah. 301 00:15:45.011 --> 00:15:47.512 I mean, I've always known I was different but... 302 00:15:47.514 --> 00:15:50.214 -I've never had an orgasm. -Uh-huh. 303 00:15:50.216 --> 00:15:52.350 Every guy says, "I'll give you an orgasm" 304 00:15:52.352 --> 00:15:54.652 -and he never does. -Right but what happens 305 00:15:54.654 --> 00:15:58.423 -when you're having sex? -Oh, I let them do their thing. 306 00:15:58.425 --> 00:16:03.227 You just let them do their thing? 307 00:16:03.229 --> 00:16:04.662 Ugh. 308 00:16:04.664 --> 00:16:06.297 It's completely consensual. 309 00:16:06.299 --> 00:16:08.633 No, not that part, the other part. 310 00:16:08.635 --> 00:16:10.601 I guess I'm just imagining if it were me 311 00:16:10.603 --> 00:16:13.237 and someone else telling me that everything I'm doing 312 00:16:13.239 --> 00:16:17.075 when I'm having sex is not, like they're not enjoying any 313 00:16:17.077 --> 00:16:20.244 part of it, that horrifies me. 314 00:16:20.246 --> 00:16:23.081 On a really deep level. 315 00:16:23.083 --> 00:16:24.615 I mean, I'm sorry, that sucks. 316 00:16:24.617 --> 00:16:27.352 I'm sorry that you don't enjoy sex but like fuck, 317 00:16:27.354 --> 00:16:32.123 oh my god, like I can see it. 318 00:16:32.125 --> 00:16:33.725 Sex is awesome. 319 00:16:33.727 --> 00:16:37.095 I mean, I love having sex. 320 00:16:37.097 --> 00:16:40.665 You really don't enjoy having sex? 321 00:16:40.667 --> 00:16:43.634 Like ever, ugh. 322 00:16:46.172 --> 00:16:47.438 Oh my god, we're making out. 323 00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:50.174 We are making out. 324 00:16:50.176 --> 00:16:51.609 Are you sure? 325 00:16:51.611 --> 00:16:53.444 Yeah, why not? 326 00:16:53.446 --> 00:16:55.580 The whole Asexual thing. 327 00:16:55.582 --> 00:16:59.017 Come on, I said I think I might be Asexual. 328 00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:02.353 There's only one way to find out. 329 00:17:02.355 --> 00:17:03.721 If you say so. 330 00:17:03.723 --> 00:17:06.557 (grunting) 331 00:17:09.029 --> 00:17:12.330 (video game chattering) 332 00:17:15.235 --> 00:17:17.368 Yeah! Who's your sensei, bitch! 333 00:17:17.370 --> 00:17:19.270 Nope, it's bow to your sensei. 334 00:17:19.272 --> 00:17:20.772 Whatever, dude. 335 00:17:20.774 --> 00:17:22.473 You always play with fucking Kirby, dude. 336 00:17:22.475 --> 00:17:25.176 -Such a bullshit character. -Such a hack. 337 00:17:25.178 --> 00:17:28.413 Ugh, hate the player, boys, hate the player. 338 00:17:28.415 --> 00:17:30.048 Yeah, whatever that fucking means. 339 00:17:30.050 --> 00:17:32.183 Oh! Did you see that Falcon punch? 340 00:17:32.185 --> 00:17:33.584 Ugh, fucker. 341 00:17:33.586 --> 00:17:35.353 Oh, you like that? 342 00:17:35.355 --> 00:17:37.188 Oh, Falcon punch! 343 00:17:37.190 --> 00:17:38.723 Get ready to get fucked! 344 00:17:38.725 --> 00:17:42.126 You guys have serious fucking shit to work through. 345 00:17:42.128 --> 00:17:44.062 Well, eventually he'll put pants back on. 346 00:17:44.064 --> 00:17:46.264 Yeah, after I'm done fucking eating ass right now. 347 00:17:46.266 --> 00:17:47.799 -Fucker. -Yeah, that's exactly what 348 00:17:47.801 --> 00:17:49.367 I'm talking about, you guys spend way too much 349 00:17:49.369 --> 00:17:52.770 -fucking time together. -Dammit! 350 00:17:52.772 --> 00:17:56.307 Ugh, ugh. 351 00:17:56.309 --> 00:17:59.110 Oh, dude, aren't you going out with what's-her-face? 352 00:17:59.112 --> 00:18:00.311 Yup, I'm going out with what's-her-face. 353 00:18:00.313 --> 00:18:01.679 Nice, nice. 354 00:18:01.681 --> 00:18:03.214 Are you gonna put it in this time? 355 00:18:03.215 --> 00:18:04.748 Or are you gonna bite the bullet and jerk off as usual? 356 00:18:04.751 --> 00:18:07.185 Well, I always bite the bullet and jerk off 357 00:18:07.187 --> 00:18:12.557 but last time we did some stuff. 358 00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:14.392 So did ya put it in? 359 00:18:14.394 --> 00:18:16.294 Dude, why are you so interested? 360 00:18:16.296 --> 00:18:19.697 I don't know, I mean, trust me, when he doesn't let laid 361 00:18:19.699 --> 00:18:23.234 we all suffer. 362 00:18:23.236 --> 00:18:26.104 Fuck yeah! 363 00:18:26.106 --> 00:18:29.307 -Yeah, motherfucker. -Quit plaguing me, dog. 364 00:18:29.309 --> 00:18:31.542 -Ugh. -Oh, aw damn, come on. 365 00:18:31.544 --> 00:18:35.313 Oh yeah, fuck yeah. 366 00:18:35.315 --> 00:18:36.481 Oh yes! 367 00:18:36.483 --> 00:18:38.316 Suck it bitch! Who's your daddy? 368 00:18:38.318 --> 00:18:40.718 Up top! Yeah, fuck you. 369 00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:42.587 You play with Kirby and you do the whole like-- 370 00:18:42.589 --> 00:18:44.589 if it ever gets down to one life left 371 00:18:44.591 --> 00:18:48.159 you swallow me, drag me to the bottom and win. 372 00:18:48.161 --> 00:18:49.327 Fucking hack character. 373 00:18:49.329 --> 00:18:51.362 Such a hack character. 374 00:18:51.364 --> 00:18:53.164 I mean, this has been fun. It's been great. 375 00:18:53.166 --> 00:18:54.665 Whoa dude, hang on, we're having a tourney here. 376 00:18:54.667 --> 00:18:56.501 This wasn't a tourney this was-- 377 00:18:56.503 --> 00:18:57.835 Dude, we've only been playing for like four hours. 378 00:18:57.837 --> 00:18:59.787 We're like not even halfway there. 379 00:18:59.788 --> 00:19:01.738 Why does it always have to be a tourney with you? 380 00:19:01.741 --> 00:19:03.708 And if this isn't a tournament what is a tournament? 381 00:19:03.710 --> 00:19:06.677 We need to get to the hand level. 382 00:19:06.679 --> 00:19:07.912 -The hand level. -Are you guys like really... 383 00:19:07.914 --> 00:19:09.847 Okay, fine but seriously though. 384 00:19:09.849 --> 00:19:12.183 Like, we're not even like at like the Donkey Kong level, 385 00:19:12.185 --> 00:19:13.818 dude and you're already giving up? 386 00:19:13.820 --> 00:19:15.753 I mean, yeah, I'm good but am I that good? 387 00:19:15.755 --> 00:19:16.721 No. 388 00:19:16.723 --> 00:19:17.788 Accept the challenge. 389 00:19:17.790 --> 00:19:19.190 You won, take the win. 390 00:19:19.192 --> 00:19:20.458 I am taking the win. 391 00:19:20.460 --> 00:19:21.759 But you didn't accept the challenge. 392 00:19:21.761 --> 00:19:23.294 I mean, I love this, I love this. 393 00:19:23.296 --> 00:19:25.429 -This was exhausting. -This was, yeah, 394 00:19:25.431 --> 00:19:28.399 it was exhausting, I have a date. 395 00:19:28.401 --> 00:19:30.368 Taking her out for pie again, aren't ya? 396 00:19:30.370 --> 00:19:34.672 As a matter of fact, I am not taking her to pie but-- 397 00:19:34.674 --> 00:19:37.375 -Good, thank god. -What's wrong with pie? 398 00:19:37.377 --> 00:19:38.810 Everything's wrong with pie, dude. 399 00:19:38.811 --> 00:19:40.244 -Nothing is wrong with pie. -You're a grown ass man. 400 00:19:40.246 --> 00:19:42.280 How many times do I have to explain this? 401 00:19:42.282 --> 00:19:43.748 The pie works. 402 00:19:43.750 --> 00:19:45.950 -The pie works, Garrett. -Pie is like, 403 00:19:45.952 --> 00:19:49.453 "Oh, I'm gonna go take my grandmother to Cocos for pie." 404 00:19:49.455 --> 00:19:51.656 No, no, no, no this is Jackie fucking Collins. 405 00:19:51.658 --> 00:19:53.291 At least fake like you have money. 406 00:19:53.293 --> 00:19:54.926 -Do something. -Not everyone can be like you 407 00:19:54.928 --> 00:19:58.229 going around picking up chicks like a big, sweaty, hairy 408 00:19:58.231 --> 00:20:00.698 -Pepé Le Pew. -I'm just saying that you-- 409 00:20:00.700 --> 00:20:03.201 you need to grow up-- you need to grow up. 410 00:20:03.203 --> 00:20:05.303 -What? Like a bar? -Exactly. 411 00:20:05.305 --> 00:20:06.771 You need to take her out to a bar. 412 00:20:06.773 --> 00:20:09.373 -Everyone enjoys pie. -Who doesn't like pie? 413 00:20:09.375 --> 00:20:11.375 -Pies work for him. -Okay, in the past 414 00:20:11.377 --> 00:20:13.644 but not with Jackie Collins, cause this-- 415 00:20:13.646 --> 00:20:15.746 Jackie Collins is not like any other girl, man 416 00:20:15.748 --> 00:20:19.217 and you need to respect her like that, okay. 417 00:20:19.219 --> 00:20:20.618 -Cheers. -Cheers. 418 00:20:20.620 --> 00:20:26.524 ¶ 419 00:20:26.526 --> 00:20:28.559 Uh, hoo-hoo. 420 00:20:28.561 --> 00:20:29.894 How ya doing, champ? 421 00:20:29.896 --> 00:20:31.229 Very funny. 422 00:20:31.231 --> 00:20:34.565 It's uh, quite hoppy. 423 00:20:34.567 --> 00:20:37.368 I love this bar though it's um... 424 00:20:37.370 --> 00:20:38.970 -it's very festive. -Yeah. 425 00:20:38.972 --> 00:20:41.372 -Yeah. -It's fun. 426 00:20:41.374 --> 00:20:43.641 My friends and I used to come here a lot. 427 00:20:43.643 --> 00:20:46.577 Oh wow, thirsty? 428 00:20:46.579 --> 00:20:50.348 Uh, just a tad. 429 00:20:50.350 --> 00:20:53.317 -So how's your parents? -Oh they're good. 430 00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:56.587 Both semi-retired and living their best lives of course. 431 00:20:56.589 --> 00:20:58.389 As they should. 432 00:20:58.391 --> 00:21:01.926 They're always asking if I'd like to move back home. 433 00:21:01.928 --> 00:21:04.962 Nah, I could not live at home. 434 00:21:04.964 --> 00:21:06.897 All my friends have like managed to not-- 435 00:21:06.899 --> 00:21:09.367 they don't live at home but they like slowly moved 436 00:21:09.369 --> 00:21:12.436 closer to the neighborhoods we all grew up in. 437 00:21:12.438 --> 00:21:13.604 -You know? -Yeah. 438 00:21:13.606 --> 00:21:17.341 -Yeah. -No. 439 00:21:17.343 --> 00:21:19.043 How's your fam doing? 440 00:21:19.045 --> 00:21:22.647 They're divorced but it's--it's fine. 441 00:21:22.649 --> 00:21:25.816 It's--It's fine. 442 00:21:25.818 --> 00:21:30.354 They're--it's better that they're, you know, 443 00:21:30.356 --> 00:21:34.325 they needed it but I don't know what they're gonna do, 444 00:21:34.327 --> 00:21:37.395 I mean, when I one day get married 445 00:21:37.397 --> 00:21:39.630 and they're forced to be in the same room 446 00:21:39.632 --> 00:21:42.433 for an extended period of time but. 447 00:21:42.435 --> 00:21:44.869 Yeah, that's actually all my parents keep talking about now. 448 00:21:44.871 --> 00:21:47.605 -Yeah? -When I'll get married. 449 00:21:47.607 --> 00:21:49.607 Yeah, mine have moved on from the 450 00:21:49.609 --> 00:21:50.641 "When are you getting married" 451 00:21:50.643 --> 00:21:52.576 to the "Please get married" 452 00:21:52.578 --> 00:21:56.747 and eventually the "Don't die alone" phase you know. 453 00:21:56.749 --> 00:22:00.384 Well, to divorced parent problems, you know. 454 00:22:00.386 --> 00:22:01.752 Woo! 455 00:22:01.754 --> 00:22:05.890 Well, you can always marry me. 456 00:22:05.892 --> 00:22:07.058 Yeah. 457 00:22:07.060 --> 00:22:10.795 Why is that so funny? 458 00:22:10.797 --> 00:22:14.498 It's not. 459 00:22:14.500 --> 00:22:16.534 I would be so lucky. 460 00:22:16.536 --> 00:22:18.336 Yes, you would. 461 00:22:18.338 --> 00:22:22.973 ¶ 462 00:22:25.712 --> 00:22:28.979 -(indistinct mumbling) -Shh, you'll wake up my aunt. 463 00:22:28.981 --> 00:22:30.848 -So this is home. -Turn the light off! 464 00:22:30.850 --> 00:22:33.818 ¶ 465 00:22:37.090 --> 00:22:43.627 ¶ 466 00:22:43.629 --> 00:22:47.498 What's wrong with me, doctor? 467 00:22:47.500 --> 00:22:48.899 -What? -Oh yeah. 468 00:22:48.901 --> 00:22:51.068 We're mid doing stuff, right? 469 00:22:51.070 --> 00:22:54.839 And she stops and says "What's wrong with me, doctor?" 470 00:22:54.841 --> 00:22:56.540 What did you say? 471 00:22:56.542 --> 00:22:57.942 ¶ 472 00:22:57.944 --> 00:23:03.981 Nothing, nothing's wrong with you. 473 00:23:03.983 --> 00:23:06.484 -Nothing? You said nothing? -Yeah. 474 00:23:06.486 --> 00:23:08.753 -Why didn't you roleplay? -I don't--I don't know. 475 00:23:08.755 --> 00:23:10.688 -What's wrong with you? -I just ignored it. 476 00:23:10.690 --> 00:23:12.656 I don't know what to-- I don't roleplay. 477 00:23:12.658 --> 00:23:15.826 So you're telling me that you're in bed with Jackie Collins 478 00:23:15.828 --> 00:23:18.062 about to roleplay and you did nothing? 479 00:23:18.064 --> 00:23:20.398 We did under the pants stuff. 480 00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:22.867 So you did nothing and you got nothing. 481 00:23:22.869 --> 00:23:25.603 This is literally the worst day of my life. 482 00:23:25.605 --> 00:23:28.038 The worst day of our lives. 483 00:23:28.040 --> 00:23:30.541 -Yeah. -Yeah. Are you kidding me? 484 00:23:30.543 --> 00:23:31.642 What would you have done? 485 00:23:31.644 --> 00:23:33.744 What would I have done? 486 00:23:33.746 --> 00:23:35.045 Oh let me tell you what-- 487 00:23:35.047 --> 00:23:36.547 ¶ 488 00:23:36.549 --> 00:23:40.151 (moaning) 489 00:23:40.153 --> 00:23:43.554 Oh, we shouldn't be doing this. It's so wrong. 490 00:23:43.556 --> 00:23:45.122 This is so wrong, what if my husband finds out? 491 00:23:45.124 --> 00:23:46.590 He won't, babe. 492 00:23:46.592 --> 00:23:48.025 Fuck me, Dr. G! 493 00:23:48.027 --> 00:23:50.194 ¶ 494 00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:55.833 What's the point? 495 00:23:55.835 --> 00:23:57.485 Are we going to hang these things by 496 00:23:57.486 --> 00:23:59.136 -highest grossing or not? -On the contrary, 497 00:23:59.138 --> 00:24:02.907 we're going to go by best reviewed by critics. 498 00:24:02.909 --> 00:24:05.476 Therefore, we're going to do The Empire Strikes Back 499 00:24:05.478 --> 00:24:06.911 and then I think A New Hope 500 00:24:06.913 --> 00:24:09.013 and then lastly, we'll do Return of the Jedi. 501 00:24:09.015 --> 00:24:16.787 ¶ 502 00:24:16.789 --> 00:24:19.123 (typing) 503 00:24:19.125 --> 00:24:20.991 Hey man, sorry I'm late. 504 00:24:20.993 --> 00:24:22.760 Hey buddy, it's all good. 505 00:24:22.762 --> 00:24:27.097 Next time just um--fuck it, I don't... 506 00:24:27.099 --> 00:24:30.201 Oh hey, by the way-- ugh man, what are you wearing? 507 00:24:30.203 --> 00:24:32.002 Come on. 508 00:24:32.004 --> 00:24:34.672 You said a collared shirt. This is a collared shirt. 509 00:24:34.674 --> 00:24:36.974 It's a collared shirt, that's a stupid collared shirt. 510 00:24:36.976 --> 00:24:39.510 You look like a drug dealer man, from the '80s 511 00:24:39.512 --> 00:24:42.213 in Miami who's 12. 512 00:24:42.215 --> 00:24:47.017 Well, that's exactly what I'm going for. 513 00:24:47.019 --> 00:24:50.788 So you definitely have a virus. 514 00:24:50.790 --> 00:24:54.959 Uh, have you downloaded anything unusual lately? 515 00:24:54.961 --> 00:24:57.027 What would be unusual? 516 00:24:57.029 --> 00:24:59.630 Something in Russian 517 00:24:59.632 --> 00:25:05.603 or Czechoslovakian? 518 00:25:05.605 --> 00:25:11.876 ¶ 519 00:25:11.878 --> 00:25:13.811 Hey man, gonna need you to come in over the weekend 520 00:25:13.813 --> 00:25:16.981 -and reset everything. -Do I have a choice? 521 00:25:16.983 --> 00:25:18.616 (chuckling) 522 00:25:18.618 --> 00:25:20.251 Nope. 523 00:25:20.253 --> 00:25:28.826 ¶ 524 00:25:28.828 --> 00:25:33.664 ¶ If we had forever ¶ 525 00:25:33.666 --> 00:25:38.536 ¶ I hope we'd just get better, better, better ¶ 526 00:25:38.538 --> 00:25:43.574 ¶ That's why it's such a shame, yeah ¶ 527 00:25:43.576 --> 00:25:48.546 ¶ The ways we say the same, same, same ¶ 528 00:25:48.548 --> 00:25:51.148 ¶ Same, same, same ¶ 529 00:25:51.150 --> 00:25:53.317 ¶ Next motel ¶ 530 00:25:53.319 --> 00:25:56.720 ¶ We'll give a try ¶ 531 00:25:56.722 --> 00:26:00.991 ¶ 532 00:26:00.993 --> 00:26:06.964 ¶ Ring a bell they'll deny ¶ 533 00:26:06.966 --> 00:26:09.233 ¶ Lie ¶ 534 00:26:09.235 --> 00:26:11.168 ¶ 535 00:26:11.170 --> 00:26:18.776 ¶ When the black is all you see ¶ 536 00:26:18.778 --> 00:26:27.351 ¶ Then it falls on me ¶ 537 00:26:27.353 --> 00:26:30.621 Fuck! God fucking dammit! 538 00:26:30.623 --> 00:26:32.056 Ugh! 539 00:26:32.058 --> 00:26:36.160 (phone ringing) 540 00:26:36.162 --> 00:26:37.828 -Hi Mom. -Hi honey. 541 00:26:37.830 --> 00:26:40.631 -This is your mother. -How are you? 542 00:26:40.633 --> 00:26:44.101 I'm good, you know, I'm just peachy. 543 00:26:44.103 --> 00:26:45.202 What do you mean peachy? 544 00:26:45.204 --> 00:26:46.870 Like sunburned? 545 00:26:46.872 --> 00:26:49.974 No, not like sunburned peachy, like-- 546 00:26:49.976 --> 00:26:52.343 -how are you? -I'm okay. 547 00:26:52.345 --> 00:26:56.914 I'm drinking a little new wine. 548 00:26:56.916 --> 00:26:59.083 It's called Rose-y. 549 00:26:59.085 --> 00:27:01.819 Ah, rosé everyday, am I right? 550 00:27:01.821 --> 00:27:04.088 -Have you tried it? -Yeah, yeah, you know, 551 00:27:04.090 --> 00:27:06.824 -it's kind of fancy. -It's good. 552 00:27:06.826 --> 00:27:11.128 I'm not sure I--I feel it at all but... 553 00:27:11.130 --> 00:27:12.997 -How's work? -Work is good. 554 00:27:12.999 --> 00:27:14.965 Just another day of being underqualified 555 00:27:14.967 --> 00:27:17.901 and underpaid it's... 556 00:27:17.903 --> 00:27:20.638 You could always go back to school, sweetheart. 557 00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:22.806 Or do porn. 558 00:27:22.808 --> 00:27:25.042 Sweetheart I love you 559 00:27:25.044 --> 00:27:27.711 but I have seen your penis. 560 00:27:27.713 --> 00:27:29.747 Okay, that's--that's... 561 00:27:29.749 --> 00:27:31.815 yeah, thanks Mom, I just, I really-- 562 00:27:31.817 --> 00:27:33.384 It's a wonderful penis. 563 00:27:33.386 --> 00:27:34.952 All I'm saying is-- 564 00:27:34.954 --> 00:27:39.256 Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, ya just--no, okay? 565 00:27:39.258 --> 00:27:42.693 -I gotta go. -Really? Why? 566 00:27:42.695 --> 00:27:44.995 Because I have a date and this isn't exactly the-- 567 00:27:44.997 --> 00:27:47.865 you know, pep talk I had in mind. 568 00:27:47.867 --> 00:27:51.702 Okay, okay, I get it. 569 00:27:51.704 --> 00:27:55.039 -I love you. -I love you too, Mom. 570 00:27:55.041 --> 00:27:56.340 Oh and call your father. 571 00:27:56.342 --> 00:27:58.742 Make sure he's still alive. 572 00:27:58.744 --> 00:28:00.444 God knows who feeds that man. 573 00:28:00.446 --> 00:28:02.846 Uh, okay I will. 574 00:28:02.848 --> 00:28:04.114 Buh-bye. 575 00:28:04.116 --> 00:28:13.857 ¶ 576 00:28:31.043 --> 00:28:33.010 -That shirt is-- -That shirt. 577 00:28:33.012 --> 00:28:34.812 I mean, our colors totally match. 578 00:28:34.814 --> 00:28:36.246 -They're great, it's great. -It's amazing. 579 00:28:36.248 --> 00:28:39.483 They're kind of like druggie shirts but I mean, 580 00:28:39.485 --> 00:28:42.720 if anything our shirt game is on point. 581 00:28:42.722 --> 00:28:45.089 -Enjoy. -Thank you. 582 00:28:45.091 --> 00:28:48.892 -What's your zodiac sign? -Mine? Uh, Taurus. 583 00:28:48.894 --> 00:28:52.262 Oh my god, literally all of my friends are Tauruses. 584 00:28:52.264 --> 00:28:53.464 -Are they? -Yeah. 585 00:28:53.466 --> 00:28:56.333 Hm, that's wow. 586 00:28:56.335 --> 00:28:58.202 Hello, my name is Bailey 587 00:28:58.204 --> 00:28:59.970 and I'm gonna be playing you guys a song. 588 00:28:59.972 --> 00:29:05.008 Me? I am a Scorpio with a rising sign of Aquarius. 589 00:29:05.010 --> 00:29:07.511 Well, technically, the astrological signs 590 00:29:07.513 --> 00:29:11.348 have been shifting over the last thousand years or so 591 00:29:11.350 --> 00:29:13.083 and like I was a Taurus right? 592 00:29:13.085 --> 00:29:15.853 According to science I'm actually an Aries. 593 00:29:15.855 --> 00:29:18.188 So what--uh sorry, what'd you say what was yours again? 594 00:29:18.190 --> 00:29:20.290 -A Scorpio. -Right, so by the time 595 00:29:20.292 --> 00:29:22.760 you were born it was actually a Libra. 596 00:29:22.762 --> 00:29:25.229 It's funny, like I read Aries again 597 00:29:25.231 --> 00:29:27.030 and after I read it enough it just sounded 598 00:29:27.032 --> 00:29:30.367 exactly the same to Taurus. 599 00:29:30.369 --> 00:29:32.269 And you know how it said you're sensual? 600 00:29:32.271 --> 00:29:36.406 They never explicitly say who's not sensual, you know. 601 00:29:36.408 --> 00:29:41.111 Well, you know Aries actually tend to be hyper athletic, 602 00:29:41.113 --> 00:29:46.483 so you know, don't worry about it. 603 00:29:46.485 --> 00:29:49.319 I don't even like pie. 604 00:29:49.321 --> 00:29:53.357 ¶... For small town kids ¶ 605 00:29:53.359 --> 00:30:03.333 ¶ 606 00:30:05.271 --> 00:30:10.541 ¶ Hack up the thistle like I've always done ¶ 607 00:30:10.543 --> 00:30:16.113 ¶ I've jumped back down and I've jumped back up ¶ 608 00:30:16.115 --> 00:30:18.315 ¶ 609 00:30:18.317 --> 00:30:21.985 ¶ And we'll drink muddy water ¶ 610 00:30:21.987 --> 00:30:29.493 ¶ Cause we know it only makes us stronger ¶ 611 00:30:29.495 --> 00:30:31.528 ¶ 612 00:30:31.530 --> 00:30:41.505 ¶ I don't give a damn if you do or you don't no longer ¶ 613 00:30:43.342 --> 00:30:53.183 ¶ 614 00:31:07.967 --> 00:31:13.337 ¶ Run to the hollow by the old trash plant ¶ 615 00:31:13.339 --> 00:31:19.910 ¶ The pig farms closed but kids are still live wire ¶ 616 00:31:19.912 --> 00:31:25.349 ¶ Run to the river by the jumping bridge ¶ 617 00:31:25.351 --> 00:31:27.417 ¶ You'll meet all kinds ¶ 618 00:31:27.419 --> 00:31:31.088 ¶ When you're a small town kid ¶ 619 00:31:31.090 --> 00:31:34.491 ¶ 620 00:31:34.493 --> 00:31:39.363 ¶ And we'll drink muddy water cause we know ¶ 621 00:31:39.365 --> 00:31:45.235 ¶ It only makes us stronger ¶ 622 00:31:45.237 --> 00:31:47.337 ¶ 623 00:31:47.339 --> 00:31:49.940 ¶ I don't give a shoot ¶ 624 00:31:49.942 --> 00:31:53.043 ¶ But alright if you do ¶ 625 00:31:53.045 --> 00:32:00.484 ¶ No longer ¶ 626 00:32:00.486 --> 00:32:10.394 ¶ 627 00:32:17.569 --> 00:32:20.971 (clapping) 628 00:32:20.973 --> 00:32:24.207 Thank you. 629 00:32:28.280 --> 00:32:38.255 ¶ 630 00:32:45.130 --> 00:32:49.399 Oh, hey, it's you. 631 00:32:49.401 --> 00:32:51.034 No pie today? 632 00:32:51.036 --> 00:32:54.071 No, my pie had other plans. 633 00:32:54.073 --> 00:32:58.041 ¶ 634 00:32:58.043 --> 00:33:00.610 You played well tonight. 635 00:33:00.612 --> 00:33:02.746 You play well every night though. 636 00:33:02.748 --> 00:33:04.581 Right, you're there a lot. 637 00:33:04.583 --> 00:33:06.984 Yeah, so are you. 638 00:33:06.986 --> 00:33:08.585 I am, every Thursday. 639 00:33:08.587 --> 00:33:14.558 Every Thursday. 640 00:33:14.560 --> 00:33:16.026 -What can I get you? -A pilsner. 641 00:33:16.028 --> 00:33:17.527 You got it. 642 00:33:17.529 --> 00:33:20.130 So seriously, why pie? 643 00:33:20.132 --> 00:33:23.400 It's fucking cheap 644 00:33:23.402 --> 00:33:28.071 and it tastes good. 645 00:33:28.073 --> 00:33:30.007 Thanks, I'm gonna leave it open. 646 00:33:30.009 --> 00:33:32.042 Who doesn't like pie? 647 00:33:32.044 --> 00:33:36.179 ¶ 648 00:33:36.181 --> 00:33:38.315 What happened to that one? 649 00:33:38.317 --> 00:33:41.251 It's a quiche. 650 00:33:41.253 --> 00:33:44.388 You uh, you work for quiche? 651 00:33:44.390 --> 00:33:46.256 Not only quiche. 652 00:33:46.258 --> 00:33:48.692 They feel bad that they pay us so little so 653 00:33:48.694 --> 00:33:51.495 they make it up in pie. 654 00:33:51.497 --> 00:33:54.264 And you chose quiche? 655 00:33:54.266 --> 00:33:56.700 -It doubles as breakfast. -Hm. 656 00:33:56.702 --> 00:34:00.237 ¶ 657 00:34:00.239 --> 00:34:04.074 So seriously, why do I always see you there? 658 00:34:04.076 --> 00:34:07.611 For the music. 659 00:34:07.613 --> 00:34:08.612 Another round? 660 00:34:08.614 --> 00:34:16.186 Yes but really dirty this time. 661 00:34:16.188 --> 00:34:23.126 Like really dirty. 662 00:34:23.128 --> 00:34:26.763 -Like filthy. -I got it. 663 00:34:26.765 --> 00:34:30.567 Slap me in the face first kind of filth. 664 00:34:30.569 --> 00:34:32.169 I got it. 665 00:34:32.171 --> 00:34:41.812 ¶ 666 00:34:47.453 --> 00:34:52.122 I uh, I never got your name. 667 00:34:52.124 --> 00:34:53.623 Bailey. 668 00:34:53.625 --> 00:34:55.592 Some people call me Bay. 669 00:34:55.594 --> 00:35:00.097 Do you uh, play pool, Bailey? 670 00:35:00.099 --> 00:35:02.566 Do you know how to play pool? 671 00:35:02.568 --> 00:35:05.402 Does it matter? 672 00:35:05.404 --> 00:35:08.605 Okay, so nothing's gonna happen here 673 00:35:08.607 --> 00:35:10.774 between you and me. 674 00:35:10.776 --> 00:35:14.344 Right, I get it, you're gay. 675 00:35:14.346 --> 00:35:19.616 Yeah, I actually am gay. 676 00:35:19.618 --> 00:35:21.618 Dope. 677 00:35:21.620 --> 00:35:26.389 ¶ 678 00:35:26.391 --> 00:35:28.859 Pool? 679 00:35:28.861 --> 00:35:31.528 ¶ 680 00:35:31.530 --> 00:35:37.667 -So music is neat. -It sure is. 681 00:35:37.669 --> 00:35:41.771 -Is that why you're out here? -It's why I stayed. 682 00:35:41.773 --> 00:35:43.240 Do tell. 683 00:35:43.242 --> 00:35:48.512 ¶ 684 00:35:48.514 --> 00:35:53.750 Classic story of another girl chasing another girl to LA. 685 00:35:53.752 --> 00:35:56.653 Tried and true tale. 686 00:35:56.655 --> 00:36:00.390 So where's this young woman now? 687 00:36:00.392 --> 00:36:02.659 She moved back to Chicago. 688 00:36:02.661 --> 00:36:04.394 Oh yeah? Is that where you're from? 689 00:36:04.396 --> 00:36:05.529 Sure is. 690 00:36:05.531 --> 00:36:10.901 Good ol' Chicago. 691 00:36:10.903 --> 00:36:14.771 So why'd you stay out here? 692 00:36:14.773 --> 00:36:21.411 Well... 693 00:36:21.413 --> 00:36:23.246 I've been playing music my whole life 694 00:36:23.248 --> 00:36:25.382 and when she left me for a guy 695 00:36:25.384 --> 00:36:27.284 who worked at the bar she worked at 696 00:36:27.286 --> 00:36:31.321 I started writing super depressing songs about it. 697 00:36:31.323 --> 00:36:32.455 Ah, man. 698 00:36:32.457 --> 00:36:35.525 So she was gay and is not-- 699 00:36:35.527 --> 00:36:37.460 I don't think she ever really was gay. 700 00:36:37.462 --> 00:36:39.663 ¶ 701 00:36:39.665 --> 00:36:41.865 I think it really is just a phase for some people. 702 00:36:41.867 --> 00:36:51.541 ¶ 703 00:36:58.850 --> 00:37:01.718 About a year later I found out that she got pregnant 704 00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:03.987 and moved back. 705 00:37:03.989 --> 00:37:06.890 Had to find out through a mutual friend of ours. 706 00:37:06.892 --> 00:37:11.428 -Uck. -She probably did me a favor. 707 00:37:11.430 --> 00:37:13.396 What favor was that? 708 00:37:13.398 --> 00:37:16.499 ¶ 709 00:37:16.501 --> 00:37:19.569 Well... 710 00:37:19.571 --> 00:37:21.504 Had I not chased her all the way out here 711 00:37:21.506 --> 00:37:23.707 I wouldn't be working day in and day out 712 00:37:23.709 --> 00:37:25.675 at a music career to justify it all. 713 00:37:25.677 --> 00:37:35.619 ¶ 714 00:37:42.794 --> 00:37:48.865 You got any plans after this epic game of pool? 715 00:37:48.867 --> 00:37:51.768 Uh, no, normally I'm better 716 00:37:51.770 --> 00:37:52.936 but to answer your question, no. 717 00:37:52.938 --> 00:37:54.704 Oh, normally you're better? 718 00:37:54.706 --> 00:37:56.673 Oh wow. 719 00:37:56.675 --> 00:38:00.610 Normally I'm much worse, so there you go. 720 00:38:00.612 --> 00:38:02.412 Evens out. 721 00:38:02.414 --> 00:38:05.482 ¶ 722 00:38:05.484 --> 00:38:07.350 Want to smoke some weed? 723 00:38:07.352 --> 00:38:08.852 Not here. 724 00:38:08.854 --> 00:38:11.788 ¶ 725 00:38:11.790 --> 00:38:14.391 (sighing) 726 00:38:14.393 --> 00:38:18.395 Okay, so keeping in mind that I find you unattractive. 727 00:38:18.397 --> 00:38:20.830 -Totally. -And all penis is super gross. 728 00:38:20.832 --> 00:38:22.966 -So gross. -Do you want to come back 729 00:38:22.968 --> 00:38:25.835 to my place, smoke some weed and listen to music 730 00:38:25.837 --> 00:38:27.904 the way it's meant to be listened to? 731 00:38:27.906 --> 00:38:30.974 In women's clothing? 732 00:38:30.976 --> 00:38:33.376 What? 733 00:38:33.378 --> 00:38:34.377 No. 734 00:38:34.379 --> 00:38:35.378 No. 735 00:38:35.380 --> 00:38:37.414 -Uh. -No. 736 00:38:37.416 --> 00:38:40.350 -On vinyl. -On vinyl. 737 00:38:40.352 --> 00:38:42.686 -Are you gay? -I'm not gay. 738 00:38:42.688 --> 00:38:46.656 -That was kind of gay. -Isn't everyone a little gay? 739 00:38:46.658 --> 00:38:49.392 You know, never mind sorry, no. 740 00:38:49.394 --> 00:38:50.960 I'd love to... 741 00:38:50.962 --> 00:38:53.463 -do what you just said. -Cool. 742 00:38:53.465 --> 00:38:54.964 Let's get out of here. 743 00:38:54.966 --> 00:39:04.941 ¶ 744 00:39:18.090 --> 00:39:19.823 Ah. 745 00:39:19.825 --> 00:39:22.792 It's so big. 746 00:39:22.794 --> 00:39:24.494 What? 747 00:39:24.496 --> 00:39:26.396 Look at all this stuff. 748 00:39:26.398 --> 00:39:30.467 Did I say you could touch anything? 749 00:39:30.469 --> 00:39:31.901 Just kidding. 750 00:39:31.903 --> 00:39:33.636 Kind of. 751 00:39:33.638 --> 00:39:34.971 Be careful. 752 00:39:34.973 --> 00:39:37.974 Yes, ma'am. 753 00:39:37.976 --> 00:39:40.643 What do you think? 754 00:39:40.645 --> 00:39:44.881 Good, it's like uh, breakfast at midnight right? 755 00:39:48.153 --> 00:39:50.520 What? 756 00:39:50.522 --> 00:39:52.889 You think I haven't had quiche before? 757 00:39:52.891 --> 00:39:54.991 I've had quiche. 758 00:39:54.993 --> 00:39:56.993 I'm cultured. 759 00:39:56.995 --> 00:40:00.530 Look at you, living up to the hipster name. 760 00:40:00.532 --> 00:40:02.899 Shall we? 761 00:40:02.901 --> 00:40:08.071 ¶...And run away ¶ 762 00:40:08.073 --> 00:40:09.606 ¶ I know you're going to...¶ 763 00:40:09.608 --> 00:40:11.107 I know a little French. 764 00:40:11.109 --> 00:40:13.877 Oh? 765 00:40:13.879 --> 00:40:17.414 Je suis un espion. 766 00:40:17.416 --> 00:40:19.516 You're a spy? 767 00:40:19.518 --> 00:40:22.652 Is that what that means? 768 00:40:22.654 --> 00:40:27.457 -So what do you do? -Well, a few different things. 769 00:40:27.459 --> 00:40:31.161 Uh, I'm an IT guy. 770 00:40:31.163 --> 00:40:38.468 ¶...All I'm asking you now is to walk away from my life ¶ 771 00:40:38.470 --> 00:40:41.204 You like it? 772 00:40:41.206 --> 00:40:46.609 I don't love it but, I mean... 773 00:40:46.611 --> 00:40:48.211 ¶ I bet you got it wrong ¶ 774 00:40:48.213 --> 00:40:51.714 ¶ The moment you laid your eyes on me ¶ 775 00:40:51.716 --> 00:40:53.149 ...I don't sit around thinking about 776 00:40:53.151 --> 00:40:55.919 when is the day going to end or you know, 777 00:40:55.921 --> 00:40:58.488 you know, staring out the window 778 00:40:58.490 --> 00:41:00.490 wishing I would die. 779 00:41:00.492 --> 00:41:02.659 There's worse things in life. 780 00:41:02.661 --> 00:41:06.029 What about you? 781 00:41:06.031 --> 00:41:10.733 Well, between all my little shows and singing lessons 782 00:41:10.735 --> 00:41:17.040 and some bartending I barely scrape by. 783 00:41:17.042 --> 00:41:19.876 Yeah but you love it. 784 00:41:19.878 --> 00:41:22.846 Yeah, sometimes I do. 785 00:41:22.848 --> 00:41:28.751 Uh, sometimes I wonder why I'm doing it. 786 00:41:28.753 --> 00:41:30.720 I mean, I'm not waiting for the day to end 787 00:41:30.722 --> 00:41:34.891 but I just... 788 00:41:34.893 --> 00:41:38.127 between all my little projects and... 789 00:41:38.129 --> 00:41:40.864 the progress I think I'm making 790 00:41:40.866 --> 00:41:47.837 and work I find it's all just blending together 791 00:41:47.839 --> 00:41:55.011 and watching my life in a blur pass through a bus window. 792 00:41:55.013 --> 00:41:57.514 Now that was some hashtag art. 793 00:41:57.516 --> 00:42:00.116 Loneliness breeds inspiration. 794 00:42:00.118 --> 00:42:02.652 That's what I tell everybody. 795 00:42:02.654 --> 00:42:05.221 -I look like my mother. -Nice. 796 00:42:05.223 --> 00:42:07.657 ¶ I bet you got it wrong the moment ¶ 797 00:42:07.659 --> 00:42:12.262 ¶ You laid your eyes on me ¶ 798 00:42:12.264 --> 00:42:13.963 I look like my mother. 799 00:42:13.965 --> 00:42:19.936 ¶ First and last gone in my universe ¶ 800 00:42:19.938 --> 00:42:22.672 ¶ Time to move on and pack your stuff ¶ 801 00:42:22.674 --> 00:42:24.774 ¶ And run away ¶ 802 00:42:24.776 --> 00:42:27.310 ¶ 803 00:42:27.312 --> 00:42:29.279 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 804 00:42:29.281 --> 00:42:31.281 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 805 00:42:31.283 --> 00:42:33.249 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 806 00:42:33.251 --> 00:42:35.118 ¶ I know you think it hurts ¶ 807 00:42:35.120 --> 00:42:38.655 ¶ I know you think it hurts...¶ 808 00:42:38.657 --> 00:42:45.695 ¶ 809 00:42:55.173 --> 00:42:57.941 If you can imagine this 810 00:42:57.943 --> 00:43:03.313 you can imagine me anywhere you want. 811 00:43:04.249 --> 00:43:06.816 (birds chirping) 812 00:43:11.856 --> 00:43:21.831 ¶ 813 00:43:22.734 --> 00:43:25.101 (computer rattling) 814 00:43:26.972 --> 00:43:28.738 Okay. 815 00:43:28.740 --> 00:43:30.940 ¶ 816 00:43:30.942 --> 00:43:33.643 I mean, I'm assuming, yes, people work here, 817 00:43:33.645 --> 00:43:34.911 but not on the weekends, 818 00:43:34.913 --> 00:43:37.280 and that's why they have me come in. 819 00:43:37.282 --> 00:43:39.649 Siri, how do I open a Dell? 820 00:43:39.651 --> 00:43:41.017 Now playing Adele. 821 00:43:41.019 --> 00:43:43.620 (keyboard clacking) 822 00:43:43.622 --> 00:43:45.121 ¶ 823 00:43:45.123 --> 00:43:47.323 It's mostly just unplugging stuff 824 00:43:47.325 --> 00:43:49.058 and plugging it back in. 825 00:43:49.060 --> 00:43:50.393 ¶ 826 00:43:50.395 --> 00:43:52.195 There's free coffee. 827 00:43:52.197 --> 00:43:54.731 I'm not just gonna eat people's food out of the fridge. 828 00:43:54.733 --> 00:43:56.399 ¶ 829 00:44:09.014 --> 00:44:12.015 You got this, you got this. 830 00:44:12.017 --> 00:44:13.182 You're the man. 831 00:44:13.184 --> 00:44:14.417 Who's the man? You're the man. 832 00:44:14.419 --> 00:44:17.186 I'm the man, yeah. 833 00:44:17.188 --> 00:44:19.756 (humming) 834 00:44:21.292 --> 00:44:23.192 Ooh, blueberry! 835 00:44:23.194 --> 00:44:24.994 (chuckling) 836 00:44:24.996 --> 00:44:26.663 Would you fuck me? 837 00:44:26.665 --> 00:44:29.032 I'd fuck me. 838 00:44:29.034 --> 00:44:30.266 I'd fuck me hard. 839 00:44:30.268 --> 00:44:32.702 (laughing) 840 00:44:32.704 --> 00:44:34.404 Yeah, yeah. 841 00:44:34.406 --> 00:44:44.380 ¶ 842 00:44:48.019 --> 00:44:50.887 (inaudible) 843 00:44:50.889 --> 00:44:52.055 No! 844 00:44:52.057 --> 00:44:53.322 -No way! -100 percent, yeah. 845 00:44:53.324 --> 00:44:54.424 It was extremely embarrassing. 846 00:44:54.426 --> 00:44:56.125 How much weed did you eat? 847 00:44:56.127 --> 00:44:58.461 Well, like enough to, you know, pass out in front of, 848 00:44:58.463 --> 00:45:00.096 in front of everybody, the stewards, 849 00:45:00.098 --> 00:45:01.631 the steward, you know, 850 00:45:01.632 --> 00:45:03.165 -flight operators... -You're so cute. 851 00:45:03.168 --> 00:45:04.867 ...you know, whatever they're called. 852 00:45:04.869 --> 00:45:07.370 -Oh, my God! -Mm-hm. 853 00:45:07.372 --> 00:45:08.871 Well, what else happened? 854 00:45:08.873 --> 00:45:10.406 Well, I woke up, 855 00:45:10.408 --> 00:45:12.341 and people were yelling, "Is there a doctor on the plane?" 856 00:45:12.343 --> 00:45:14.343 -The whole-- -Oh! 857 00:45:14.345 --> 00:45:15.745 Yeah. 858 00:45:15.747 --> 00:45:17.980 -No, I can barely believe that. -Top ten. 859 00:45:17.982 --> 00:45:19.382 I know, me too. 860 00:45:19.384 --> 00:45:20.483 One of the most embarrassing things 861 00:45:20.485 --> 00:45:22.085 that's ever happened to me. 862 00:45:22.087 --> 00:45:24.020 But, uh, like, they let me lay down, 863 00:45:24.022 --> 00:45:26.155 and they kept bringing me snacks, like orange juice, 864 00:45:26.157 --> 00:45:27.790 -and all this stuff. -Oh! 865 00:45:27.792 --> 00:45:29.025 -Did they? -They did. 866 00:45:29.027 --> 00:45:31.227 -Oh, you're on to something. -Mm. 867 00:45:31.229 --> 00:45:32.428 (laughing) 868 00:45:32.430 --> 00:45:34.197 Uh, baggage claim was 869 00:45:34.199 --> 00:45:36.999 -extremely, extremely awkward. -Oh, I bet. 870 00:45:37.001 --> 00:45:38.468 Yeah, oh, yeah. 871 00:45:38.470 --> 00:45:40.403 -This pie! -Yeah, it's so cute! 872 00:45:40.405 --> 00:45:41.971 -It's like a little shot of pie! -It's so cute! 873 00:45:41.973 --> 00:45:43.172 It's so cute. 874 00:45:43.174 --> 00:45:45.274 I love it, it's little like me! 875 00:45:45.276 --> 00:45:48.745 (laughing) 876 00:45:48.747 --> 00:45:51.214 -Mm, I'm sorry. -Oh. 877 00:45:51.216 --> 00:45:52.381 ¶ 878 00:45:52.383 --> 00:45:53.850 You mind if I take this? 879 00:45:53.852 --> 00:45:54.951 -No, it's okay. -Okay. 880 00:45:54.953 --> 00:45:56.385 -Yeah. -I'll be back. 881 00:45:56.387 --> 00:45:58.187 -One sec. -Okay. 882 00:45:58.189 --> 00:46:08.164 ¶ 883 00:46:12.470 --> 00:46:15.371 Okay, Dad, have you called 9-1-1? 884 00:46:15.373 --> 00:46:17.373 No, no, I, 885 00:46:17.375 --> 00:46:18.541 I'm in bed. 886 00:46:18.543 --> 00:46:19.909 You're fine? 887 00:46:19.911 --> 00:46:21.377 You feel fine now? 888 00:46:21.379 --> 00:46:23.379 I'm feelin' better, I just, when I get up, 889 00:46:23.381 --> 00:46:26.082 I feel like everything starts spinning around. 890 00:46:26.084 --> 00:46:27.350 Well, all right, if at any point, 891 00:46:27.352 --> 00:46:29.886 this--it feels--you get worse, 892 00:46:29.888 --> 00:46:32.221 you're gonna hang up and dial 9-1-1, right? 893 00:46:32.223 --> 00:46:33.256 Okay. 894 00:46:33.258 --> 00:46:34.557 -Okay? -Yeah, okay. 895 00:46:34.559 --> 00:46:36.259 -You promise? -I promise! 896 00:46:36.261 --> 00:46:39.829 Well, other than this life-threatening situation, 897 00:46:39.831 --> 00:46:43.132 how are you, did you catch the game? 898 00:46:43.134 --> 00:46:45.067 Ugh, the game. 899 00:46:45.069 --> 00:46:47.036 That's probably why I'm dyin'. 900 00:46:47.038 --> 00:46:48.571 Dad, you're not dying, okay? 901 00:46:48.573 --> 00:46:49.939 You're not dying. 902 00:46:49.941 --> 00:46:51.240 Those bums, did you see that? 903 00:46:51.242 --> 00:46:53.976 They lost by 20 points! 904 00:46:53.978 --> 00:46:55.244 But, yeah, that was awful. 905 00:46:55.246 --> 00:46:57.814 They, they, they, they, they blow this year. 906 00:46:57.816 --> 00:47:01.951 They're just gonna have to suck for a little while, it's-- 907 00:47:01.953 --> 00:47:04.220 You're not dying, the point is you're not dying, okay? 908 00:47:04.222 --> 00:47:07.223 -I don't wanna hear it. -Eh. 909 00:47:07.225 --> 00:47:09.275 Dad, I can't do this. 910 00:47:09.276 --> 00:47:11.326 I'm gonna call the paramedics, okay? 911 00:47:11.329 --> 00:47:14.931 ¶ 912 00:47:14.933 --> 00:47:17.233 Dad, Dad. 913 00:47:17.235 --> 00:47:18.968 Hey, buddy, how's it goin'? 914 00:47:18.970 --> 00:47:20.203 It's goin', how are you? 915 00:47:20.205 --> 00:47:21.938 Me? I'm fine, I'm feelin' better! 916 00:47:21.940 --> 00:47:23.339 -Yeah? -Yeah! 917 00:47:23.341 --> 00:47:24.907 Can you get outta bed? What's--? 918 00:47:24.909 --> 00:47:27.043 Well, I got outta bed a little while ago. 919 00:47:27.045 --> 00:47:28.911 I got a little woozy, but I feel okay. 920 00:47:28.913 --> 00:47:30.446 Nah, nah, Dad, come on, we talked about this. 921 00:47:30.448 --> 00:47:32.048 I'm calling, I'm calling 9-1-1, okay? 922 00:47:32.050 --> 00:47:33.482 -Ah, come on, don't call 9-1-1. -No, I gotta. 923 00:47:33.484 --> 00:47:34.967 No, really, you don't have to call. 924 00:47:34.968 --> 00:47:36.451 -Yes, I do! -Do me a favor, just stay here 925 00:47:36.454 --> 00:47:37.954 with me tonight, that's all. 926 00:47:37.956 --> 00:47:39.455 Let me look up, I gotta look up the symptoms. 927 00:47:39.457 --> 00:47:42.024 Like, you, like, I-- 928 00:47:42.026 --> 00:47:43.337 Well, you can look up the symptoms. 929 00:47:43.338 --> 00:47:44.649 I don't know what you think you're gonna find 930 00:47:44.650 --> 00:47:45.961 -over there, I'm fine! -Well, I'm just, you know, 931 00:47:45.964 --> 00:47:48.197 lookin' 'em--uh, right, right. 932 00:47:48.199 --> 00:47:51.267 Um, okay, well, it could be 933 00:47:51.269 --> 00:47:53.569 a cold, the flu, 934 00:47:53.571 --> 00:47:55.905 indigestion, gas, 935 00:47:55.907 --> 00:47:57.506 stomach cancer, 936 00:47:57.508 --> 00:47:59.308 gonorrhea, 937 00:47:59.310 --> 00:48:02.044 fuckin' super AIDS, I don't 938 00:48:02.046 --> 00:48:05.615 know why I thought that would help. 939 00:48:05.617 --> 00:48:08.317 I'm callin', I'm doin' it, I'm callin' 9-1-1, okay? 940 00:48:08.319 --> 00:48:09.585 -Is that what you wanna do? -Yeah. 941 00:48:09.587 --> 00:48:11.520 Yes, it is, yes. 942 00:48:11.522 --> 00:48:12.989 Yes, I'm-- 943 00:48:12.991 --> 00:48:14.557 You wanna call 9-1-1? 944 00:48:14.559 --> 00:48:16.325 Yeah, I'm calling 9-1-1. 945 00:48:16.327 --> 00:48:19.996 -All right, fine, call 9-1-1. -I'm--yes. 946 00:48:19.998 --> 00:48:24.166 9-1-1? Yeah, of course, this is an emergency. 947 00:48:24.168 --> 00:48:31.173 ¶ 948 00:48:31.175 --> 00:48:33.009 What are you staring at? 949 00:48:33.011 --> 00:48:34.944 ¶ 950 00:48:34.946 --> 00:48:37.013 Guess you're just a little out of focus. 951 00:48:37.015 --> 00:48:40.449 ¶ 952 00:48:40.451 --> 00:48:42.518 Hey, buddy, wake up, wake up! 953 00:48:42.520 --> 00:48:44.287 Wake up! 954 00:48:44.289 --> 00:48:45.488 What's up? 955 00:48:45.489 --> 00:48:46.688 -How you feelin' today? -Oh, well, 956 00:48:46.691 --> 00:48:48.090 better now that you're here. 957 00:48:48.092 --> 00:48:49.292 All right, well, Robert, 958 00:48:49.294 --> 00:48:51.160 tests came back, everything looks good. 959 00:48:51.162 --> 00:48:53.095 You do have an inner ear infection, 960 00:48:53.097 --> 00:48:54.263 which can sometimes lead to 961 00:48:54.265 --> 00:48:55.998 dizziness and nausea at your age, 962 00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.633 but everything else looks good. 963 00:48:57.635 --> 00:49:00.303 So, you're actually in fairly good health. 964 00:49:00.305 --> 00:49:01.504 Just an ear infection! 965 00:49:01.506 --> 00:49:02.438 That's great news. 966 00:49:02.440 --> 00:49:04.040 That's it? 967 00:49:04.042 --> 00:49:06.008 So let me ask you a question then. 968 00:49:06.010 --> 00:49:08.978 Why'd I fake my own heart attack? 969 00:49:08.980 --> 00:49:10.613 Think you need a different kind of doctor for that. 970 00:49:10.615 --> 00:49:13.215 -Thank you, thank you. -You're welcome. 971 00:49:13.217 --> 00:49:17.687 All right, we'll get you guys checked out in a second, okay? 972 00:49:17.689 --> 00:49:20.089 Did you see the pair of hands on her? 973 00:49:20.091 --> 00:49:21.357 (blowing raspberry) 974 00:49:21.359 --> 00:49:22.775 Someone like her, I should be 975 00:49:22.776 --> 00:49:24.192 fakin' heart attacks all the time! 976 00:49:24.195 --> 00:49:25.728 -No! -Wow! 977 00:49:25.730 --> 00:49:27.530 -Yeah! -I do know, but no. 978 00:49:27.532 --> 00:49:29.298 You know what, after lookin' at her, 979 00:49:29.300 --> 00:49:31.067 I don't know why I fought you to come here. 980 00:49:31.069 --> 00:49:33.302 She's not out of the room. 981 00:49:33.304 --> 00:49:34.470 If I'm gonna die, 982 00:49:34.472 --> 00:49:36.172 I don't give a shit what I say. 983 00:49:36.174 --> 00:49:38.641 One, you're not gonna die. 984 00:49:38.643 --> 00:49:40.409 She just told you that, and two-- 985 00:49:40.411 --> 00:49:41.344 Don't take me home. 986 00:49:41.346 --> 00:49:42.762 Leave me here. 987 00:49:42.763 --> 00:49:44.179 You don't want your last words to be... 988 00:49:44.180 --> 00:49:45.596 'Cause I'm just gonna stay here. 989 00:49:45.597 --> 00:49:47.013 ..."Check out the hands on Dr. Knockers," okay? 990 00:49:47.018 --> 00:49:48.351 Yeah, that's--I would love that! 991 00:49:48.353 --> 00:49:50.119 Put it on my tombstone, I don't care. 992 00:49:50.121 --> 00:49:51.687 Doesn't matter, who cares? 993 00:49:51.689 --> 00:49:53.456 (laughing) 994 00:49:53.458 --> 00:49:55.024 Yeah, I saw 'em. 995 00:50:21.519 --> 00:50:24.153 Huh, sucks gettin' old. 996 00:50:24.155 --> 00:50:25.521 Yeah, I know. 997 00:50:25.523 --> 00:50:27.590 I mean, I bet. 998 00:50:27.592 --> 00:50:30.092 You know, dyin' sometimes 999 00:50:30.094 --> 00:50:33.329 just scares the shit outta me? 1000 00:50:33.331 --> 00:50:36.766 You're just so you about it though, you're, you know... 1001 00:50:36.768 --> 00:50:38.768 -Well, what am I gonna do? -...nothin' gets to you. 1002 00:50:38.770 --> 00:50:40.636 I know, but what am I gonna do, freak you out? 1003 00:50:40.638 --> 00:50:43.706 -I'm not gonna do that. -I know, I know, I know. 1004 00:50:43.708 --> 00:50:45.541 Look, I want you to know something. 1005 00:50:45.543 --> 00:50:48.277 Dad, it's been such a long night, I can't. 1006 00:50:48.279 --> 00:50:51.447 I know, could you just listen to me for a minute? 1007 00:50:51.449 --> 00:50:52.815 -Yeah. -Your mom, 1008 00:50:52.816 --> 00:50:54.182 she's probably gonna walk into the ocean, 1009 00:50:54.185 --> 00:50:57.620 or do some kinda hippie bullshit. 1010 00:50:57.622 --> 00:50:59.622 Not me! 1011 00:50:59.623 --> 00:51:01.623 Uh-uh, I'm goin' out the way I came in, 1012 00:51:01.626 --> 00:51:03.492 kickin' and screamin'. 1013 00:51:03.494 --> 00:51:06.295 -I believe you. -You better believe it. 1014 00:51:08.299 --> 00:51:10.132 I love you, Dad. 1015 00:51:10.134 --> 00:51:11.267 I know. 1016 00:51:14.806 --> 00:51:17.440 (patting) 1017 00:51:17.442 --> 00:51:19.842 I am gonna go get some sleep. 1018 00:51:19.844 --> 00:51:20.709 Go for it. 1019 00:51:20.711 --> 00:51:23.379 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1020 00:51:23.381 --> 00:51:24.547 If you're hungry, have a piece of pie 1021 00:51:24.549 --> 00:51:26.615 before you go to bed. 1022 00:51:26.617 --> 00:51:28.150 That's a good idea. 1023 00:51:28.151 --> 00:51:29.684 -I'll see you in the mornin'. -See ya, Dad. 1024 00:51:29.687 --> 00:51:38.461 ¶ 1025 00:52:06.624 --> 00:52:08.390 (inaudible) 1026 00:52:08.392 --> 00:52:18.367 ¶ 1027 00:52:32.183 --> 00:52:36.519 Sweet or savory? 1028 00:52:36.521 --> 00:52:38.888 What? 1029 00:52:38.890 --> 00:52:42.725 For breakfast, sweet or savory? 1030 00:52:42.727 --> 00:52:45.161 Savory. 1031 00:52:45.163 --> 00:52:48.898 Good, 'cause all we have are eggs, toast, and beans. 1032 00:52:48.900 --> 00:52:58.674 ¶ 1033 00:52:58.676 --> 00:53:01.093 So the other night, 1034 00:53:01.094 --> 00:53:03.511 I'm watching Return of the Jedi at my friend's place, 1035 00:53:03.514 --> 00:53:05.681 for the 50th time probably, 1036 00:53:05.683 --> 00:53:08.250 and there's this big battle at the end of the movie 1037 00:53:08.252 --> 00:53:11.520 between the evil Empire's storm troopers 1038 00:53:11.522 --> 00:53:13.856 and the Ewoks. 1039 00:53:13.858 --> 00:53:17.259 And the Ewoks are just mowin' down storm troopers. 1040 00:53:17.261 --> 00:53:19.228 They're killin' 'em left and right. 1041 00:53:19.230 --> 00:53:21.797 And it dawns on me that 1042 00:53:21.799 --> 00:53:24.867 every single one of these storm troopers, 1043 00:53:24.869 --> 00:53:27.469 right, is a person. 1044 00:53:27.471 --> 00:53:30.573 They're a soldier, and their entire career 1045 00:53:30.575 --> 00:53:33.909 as a storm trooper has led up to this big battle, 1046 00:53:33.911 --> 00:53:35.844 and they're killed by these little 1047 00:53:35.846 --> 00:53:38.581 fuzzy teddy bears. 1048 00:53:38.583 --> 00:53:40.783 And then the rest of the movie, 1049 00:53:40.785 --> 00:53:42.418 that's all I think about. 1050 00:53:45.389 --> 00:53:48.424 Well, clearly, your father's episode has affected you, 1051 00:53:48.426 --> 00:53:51.594 and that's natural. 1052 00:53:51.596 --> 00:53:53.762 It turned out he was okay. 1053 00:53:53.764 --> 00:53:56.865 So, I mean, I do worry about him being alone 1054 00:53:56.867 --> 00:53:59.401 as much as he is. 1055 00:53:59.403 --> 00:54:00.903 How's your dating life? 1056 00:54:03.608 --> 00:54:06.375 My dating life is fine. 1057 00:54:06.377 --> 00:54:09.645 Are you dating? 1058 00:54:09.647 --> 00:54:10.646 Here and there. 1059 00:54:10.648 --> 00:54:11.814 What about all the pie dates 1060 00:54:11.816 --> 00:54:15.851 -you told me about? -Right. 1061 00:54:15.853 --> 00:54:17.519 I, I want-- 1062 00:54:17.521 --> 00:54:21.323 We should not call them pie dates anymore. 1063 00:54:21.325 --> 00:54:23.025 Please? 1064 00:54:23.027 --> 00:54:26.562 Okay, fair enough, but they're interesting. 1065 00:54:26.564 --> 00:54:30.266 They say something about your state of mind. 1066 00:54:30.268 --> 00:54:33.902 They're fine, in that case. 1067 00:54:33.904 --> 00:54:36.305 You're worried about your father being alone. 1068 00:54:36.307 --> 00:54:38.274 Right. 1069 00:54:38.276 --> 00:54:41.744 Your father wouldn't be alone if he hadn't left your mother. 1070 00:54:41.746 --> 00:54:46.448 I think deep down, you realize this. 1071 00:54:46.450 --> 00:54:48.417 Are you worried about being alone? 1072 00:54:52.723 --> 00:54:54.507 Uh. 1073 00:54:54.508 --> 00:54:56.292 Have you ever thought about journaling? 1074 00:54:56.294 --> 00:54:57.793 No. 1075 00:54:57.795 --> 00:55:00.796 Some people like to write or record their 1076 00:55:00.798 --> 00:55:04.333 thoughts or feelings as a way of archiving them. 1077 00:55:04.335 --> 00:55:08.070 Putting their past experiences behind them. 1078 00:55:08.072 --> 00:55:10.072 Why don't you give it a try. 1079 00:55:10.074 --> 00:55:12.007 Sure. 1080 00:55:12.009 --> 00:55:13.309 Why not? 1081 00:55:15.980 --> 00:55:18.714 ¶ Don't get too close ¶ 1082 00:55:18.716 --> 00:55:20.916 What was that about Aquarians being smarter? 1083 00:55:20.918 --> 00:55:22.718 Oh, that they're smarter than everyone? 1084 00:55:22.720 --> 00:55:24.520 Yeah, they're smarter than everyone. 1085 00:55:24.522 --> 00:55:26.355 -Uh-huh. -It's fact. 1086 00:55:26.357 --> 00:55:27.589 But how do you know that? 1087 00:55:27.591 --> 00:55:32.828 ¶ 1088 00:55:32.830 --> 00:55:34.530 -'Cause I'm an Aquarius. -Oh! 1089 00:55:34.532 --> 00:55:35.581 You're the only ones who know 1090 00:55:35.582 --> 00:55:36.631 that you're smarter than everyone. 1091 00:55:36.634 --> 00:55:38.967 Yeah, otherwise, 1092 00:55:38.969 --> 00:55:41.570 the secret would be out, you know? 1093 00:55:41.572 --> 00:55:49.645 ¶ Help me fly ¶ 1094 00:55:49.647 --> 00:55:50.913 This is fuckin' bullshit. 1095 00:55:50.915 --> 00:55:54.817 We need to get back on top. 1096 00:55:54.819 --> 00:55:56.352 I didn't even know this is real. 1097 00:55:56.354 --> 00:55:59.421 With coins, but they are not real, 1098 00:55:59.423 --> 00:56:00.856 but they're coins. 1099 00:56:00.858 --> 00:56:02.391 Talkin' about Bitcoin. 1100 00:56:02.393 --> 00:56:03.659 The little coins. 1101 00:56:03.661 --> 00:56:05.928 (phone ringing) 1102 00:56:05.930 --> 00:56:08.697 Okay. 1103 00:56:08.699 --> 00:56:10.866 -They're not actual real coins. -That's what I'm saying, 1104 00:56:10.868 --> 00:56:12.634 they're little coins that are fake. 1105 00:56:12.636 --> 00:56:15.437 -Hey, Jackie! -What up, slut? 1106 00:56:15.439 --> 00:56:16.405 How's it goin'? 1107 00:56:16.407 --> 00:56:18.140 Just left the bar, going home. 1108 00:56:18.142 --> 00:56:20.442 What are you up to? 1109 00:56:20.444 --> 00:56:22.678 I am also havin' a beer... 1110 00:56:22.680 --> 00:56:24.980 No, it's a thing that exists, there's cryptocurrencies-- 1111 00:56:24.982 --> 00:56:27.149 ...with friends. 1112 00:56:27.151 --> 00:56:28.617 Really? 1113 00:56:28.619 --> 00:56:30.552 Don't believe you. 1114 00:56:30.554 --> 00:56:31.553 You're at home, aren't you? 1115 00:56:31.555 --> 00:56:32.421 Fuckin' liar. 1116 00:56:32.423 --> 00:56:34.857 (laughing) 1117 00:56:34.859 --> 00:56:36.792 You're gonna fuck me tonight, right? 1118 00:56:36.794 --> 00:56:38.727 -Yeah. -Yeah! 1119 00:56:38.729 --> 00:56:40.562 Come over! 1120 00:56:40.564 --> 00:56:42.898 -It is late. -I'm trying to tell you 1121 00:56:42.900 --> 00:56:45.567 about a little coin you put on the internet. 1122 00:56:45.569 --> 00:56:47.569 -That's what I'm saying. -It's not real! 1123 00:56:47.571 --> 00:56:50.072 Shh, you're coming over already, right? 1124 00:56:50.074 --> 00:56:51.140 'Cause I'm down. 1125 00:56:51.142 --> 00:56:53.509 Come over right now! 1126 00:56:53.511 --> 00:56:54.777 I'm a fuck you! 1127 00:56:54.779 --> 00:56:56.779 You're gonna fuck me! 1128 00:56:56.781 --> 00:56:58.580 -Or I'm gonna fuck something. -Okay, yeah, yeah. 1129 00:56:58.582 --> 00:57:00.048 -I'll fuck this Uber driver. -Oh, uh. 1130 00:57:00.050 --> 00:57:01.483 -Right now? -Come over 1131 00:57:01.485 --> 00:57:02.985 -right now. -In 30 minutes, yeah. 1132 00:57:02.987 --> 00:57:05.754 Okay, too much talking, enough talking, bye! 1133 00:57:05.756 --> 00:57:07.990 Hello? 1134 00:57:07.992 --> 00:57:09.191 Okay. 1135 00:57:09.193 --> 00:57:19.168 ¶ 1136 00:57:30.514 --> 00:57:32.881 (heavily breathing) 1137 00:57:34.218 --> 00:57:35.150 What's up? 1138 00:57:35.152 --> 00:57:45.127 ¶ 1139 00:58:19.096 --> 00:58:21.196 Coffee machine out? 1140 00:58:21.198 --> 00:58:24.199 Yup, looks like it. 1141 00:58:24.201 --> 00:58:25.534 You try, uh, 1142 00:58:25.536 --> 00:58:27.736 unplugging it and plugging it back in? 1143 00:58:32.042 --> 00:58:36.645 It's an I, IT joke. 1144 00:58:36.647 --> 00:58:38.013 (awkwardly chuckling) 1145 00:58:41.051 --> 00:58:43.151 So it started with 1146 00:58:43.153 --> 00:58:45.153 my therapist suggesting that I 1147 00:58:45.155 --> 00:58:47.189 -keep a journal. -Mm-hm. 1148 00:58:47.191 --> 00:58:50.626 Um, but, I'm not a 14 year-old girl... 1149 00:58:50.628 --> 00:58:51.894 -No. -...anymore. 1150 00:58:51.896 --> 00:58:53.295 -Yeah. -So, 1151 00:58:53.297 --> 00:58:55.130 I thought I'd try writing something, you know, 1152 00:58:55.132 --> 00:58:56.582 substantial. 1153 00:58:56.583 --> 00:58:58.033 -Nice. -Yeah, I don't know. 1154 00:58:58.035 --> 00:58:59.568 You write anything? 1155 00:59:03.040 --> 00:59:05.574 I write jokes. 1156 00:59:05.576 --> 00:59:06.975 I have a regular spot 1157 00:59:06.977 --> 00:59:08.677 every Friday night 1158 00:59:08.679 --> 00:59:11.246 in the annex of the Rusty Hole. 1159 00:59:11.248 --> 00:59:12.814 Oh. 1160 00:59:12.816 --> 00:59:15.117 Can you, uh, can you tell me a joke? 1161 00:59:15.119 --> 00:59:17.152 I have a joke. 1162 00:59:17.154 --> 00:59:19.721 What do you call a little person 1163 00:59:19.723 --> 00:59:21.089 who is a psychic, 1164 00:59:21.091 --> 00:59:25.561 who has just escaped from prison? 1165 00:59:25.563 --> 00:59:28.030 I don't know. 1166 00:59:28.032 --> 00:59:29.865 A small medium 1167 00:59:29.867 --> 00:59:31.967 at large. 1168 00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:33.735 (laughing) 1169 00:59:33.737 --> 00:59:36.772 That's... 1170 00:59:36.774 --> 00:59:39.641 -Uh. -You wanna split that cookie? 1171 00:59:39.643 --> 00:59:49.618 ¶ 1172 01:00:08.372 --> 01:00:10.172 -Jesus fuck! -Where you goin'? 1173 01:00:10.174 --> 01:00:11.940 I'm goin' out, man. 1174 01:00:11.942 --> 01:00:13.375 And I'm wearing this shirt, I can't-- 1175 01:00:13.377 --> 01:00:15.277 -Don't. -What? 1176 01:00:15.279 --> 01:00:17.346 Don't start with the shirt. 1177 01:00:17.348 --> 01:00:19.314 I'm, I'm getting pie, 1178 01:00:19.316 --> 01:00:20.649 I'm wearing this shirt, 1179 01:00:20.651 --> 01:00:22.851 -she's buying. -With who? 1180 01:00:22.853 --> 01:00:24.686 -You know who. -Jackie? 1181 01:00:24.688 --> 01:00:27.189 Wasn't that her, like, last night at 2:00 in the morning? 1182 01:00:27.191 --> 01:00:28.924 It was. 1183 01:00:28.926 --> 01:00:30.225 What happened? 1184 01:00:32.062 --> 01:00:34.630 (heavily breathing) 1185 01:00:38.202 --> 01:00:40.235 (sighing) 1186 01:00:40.237 --> 01:00:42.104 Dude, fuck that chick. 1187 01:00:42.106 --> 01:00:43.171 Seriously. 1188 01:00:43.173 --> 01:00:44.973 I'm, I'm trying. 1189 01:00:44.975 --> 01:00:46.742 You gotta give me a break. 1190 01:00:46.744 --> 01:00:48.343 Like, get her outta your life. 1191 01:00:48.345 --> 01:00:50.012 Okay? Seriously. 1192 01:00:50.014 --> 01:00:52.364 What? 1193 01:00:52.365 --> 01:00:54.715 What I'm saying, okay, is that, like, 1194 01:00:54.718 --> 01:00:56.752 she is taking advantage of you, 1195 01:00:56.754 --> 01:00:58.387 and I think that she knows that. 1196 01:00:58.389 --> 01:01:03.091 And I, and I really think that you just need to cut ties. 1197 01:01:03.093 --> 01:01:05.027 I honestly-- You're such a great guy, 1198 01:01:05.029 --> 01:01:08.030 and I just think that, you know, 1199 01:01:08.032 --> 01:01:09.297 life's too short. 1200 01:01:09.299 --> 01:01:11.867 Okay. 1201 01:01:11.869 --> 01:01:14.102 Sometimes the fucking you get 1202 01:01:14.104 --> 01:01:17.305 ain't worth the fucking you're gonna get. 1203 01:01:17.307 --> 01:01:20.342 And I just think that 1204 01:01:20.344 --> 01:01:21.943 it's time to just move on, dude. 1205 01:01:21.945 --> 01:01:23.412 Are you hungry? 1206 01:01:23.414 --> 01:01:25.347 ¶ 1207 01:01:25.349 --> 01:01:27.049 Fucking starving, dude. 1208 01:01:27.051 --> 01:01:33.321 ¶ 1209 01:01:33.323 --> 01:01:35.757 (indistinct speaking) 1210 01:01:35.759 --> 01:01:39.761 ¶ 1211 01:01:39.763 --> 01:01:42.397 -Okay, one for you. -Sweet, dude. 1212 01:01:42.399 --> 01:01:44.132 Just got a killer match on Tinder as well. 1213 01:01:44.134 --> 01:01:46.368 -Oh, did you? -About fuckin' time. 1214 01:01:46.370 --> 01:01:48.270 You gonna take her out for pie? 1215 01:01:48.272 --> 01:01:49.304 More like pizza. 1216 01:01:49.306 --> 01:01:50.806 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1217 01:01:50.808 --> 01:01:52.040 Cheers. 1218 01:01:52.042 --> 01:01:55.110 ¶ 1219 01:01:55.112 --> 01:01:56.244 (inaudible) 1220 01:01:56.246 --> 01:02:06.221 ¶ 1221 01:02:58.542 --> 01:03:01.777 How do we make delicious, inexpensive home cooking 1222 01:03:01.779 --> 01:03:03.512 a regular part of our lives? 1223 01:03:03.514 --> 01:03:06.248 Taste of Home, that's how. 1224 01:03:06.250 --> 01:03:08.517 -So grab A Taste of Ho-- -What are you doing? 1225 01:03:08.519 --> 01:03:09.951 I'm taking the label off, it, uh, 1226 01:03:09.953 --> 01:03:11.386 -has a price tag on it. -All right, good, 1227 01:03:11.388 --> 01:03:12.420 yeah, that's a good call. 1228 01:03:12.422 --> 01:03:14.523 Oh, how late are we? 1229 01:03:14.525 --> 01:03:15.957 Twenty minutes, should we knock? 1230 01:03:15.959 --> 01:03:17.325 I don't know. 1231 01:03:17.327 --> 01:03:19.227 -Well, fuck it. -Uh, well, 1232 01:03:19.229 --> 01:03:21.463 ring the doorbell, right? 1233 01:03:21.465 --> 01:03:22.798 -Just ring the doorbell. -All right, whatever. 1234 01:03:22.800 --> 01:03:24.499 I think they have dog-- 1235 01:03:24.501 --> 01:03:27.169 Well, we'll find out, I don't know. 1236 01:03:29.807 --> 01:03:31.573 -Hi! -Hey! Hey! 1237 01:03:31.575 --> 01:03:32.874 -Hello! -How's it goin'? 1238 01:03:32.876 --> 01:03:34.376 -Hey! -Good, how are you? 1239 01:03:34.378 --> 01:03:36.478 -What's goin' on? -Come on in! 1240 01:03:36.480 --> 01:03:38.346 ¶ 1241 01:03:38.348 --> 01:03:40.816 Okay, everyone. 1242 01:03:40.818 --> 01:03:42.284 Here we go. 1243 01:03:42.286 --> 01:03:44.920 You two wanna play that? 1244 01:03:44.922 --> 01:03:46.454 No ma'am. 1245 01:03:46.456 --> 01:03:47.856 Mm-mm. 1246 01:03:47.858 --> 01:03:49.474 What? 1247 01:03:49.475 --> 01:03:51.091 -Nolan, my love... -Yes, dear? 1248 01:03:51.094 --> 01:03:53.995 ...we're gonna put you over here on chicken duty. 1249 01:03:53.997 --> 01:03:56.131 Garret, you're just gonna 1250 01:03:56.133 --> 01:03:57.432 wait there until we have something ready, 1251 01:03:57.434 --> 01:03:59.568 and then you can take it into the living room. 1252 01:03:59.570 --> 01:04:01.069 -You! -Me! 1253 01:04:01.071 --> 01:04:02.971 You are gonna be on appetizer duty 1254 01:04:02.973 --> 01:04:04.573 with me! 1255 01:04:04.575 --> 01:04:05.440 Yay! 1256 01:04:05.442 --> 01:04:06.908 Think you can handle that? 1257 01:04:06.910 --> 01:04:08.610 Yes. 1258 01:04:08.612 --> 01:04:10.979 -Yes, ma'am, okay. -There we go. 1259 01:04:10.981 --> 01:04:12.414 All righty, let's hop to! 1260 01:04:12.416 --> 01:04:14.549 (indistinct speaking) 1261 01:04:14.551 --> 01:04:17.018 There's more wine. 1262 01:04:17.020 --> 01:04:18.220 -All right, yes. -Appetizers. 1263 01:04:18.222 --> 01:04:20.021 Yes, just nice and pretty. 1264 01:04:20.023 --> 01:04:22.224 You are the worst! 1265 01:04:22.226 --> 01:04:23.925 I'm okay. 1266 01:04:23.927 --> 01:04:26.161 Is that what you tell all the ladies? 1267 01:04:26.163 --> 01:04:28.864 Maybe. 1268 01:04:28.866 --> 01:04:30.398 What are you guys doing? 1269 01:04:30.400 --> 01:04:32.267 We're gonna go drinking. 1270 01:04:32.269 --> 01:04:35.103 Yeah, where the hell is the wine? 1271 01:04:35.105 --> 01:04:36.171 Hey, hey! 1272 01:04:36.173 --> 01:04:37.472 No, you're waiting for us 1273 01:04:37.474 --> 01:04:38.640 to get something together. 1274 01:04:38.642 --> 01:04:40.141 -In the meantime-- -And then bringing it. 1275 01:04:40.143 --> 01:04:41.476 We're cooking! 1276 01:04:41.478 --> 01:04:44.145 -We're gettin' ready! -What? Your liver? 1277 01:04:44.147 --> 01:04:45.213 Hi! 1278 01:04:45.215 --> 01:04:48.283 (screaming) 1279 01:04:48.285 --> 01:04:51.086 -Good to see you! -Oh, my God, look at you! 1280 01:04:51.088 --> 01:04:53.221 You look so cute! 1281 01:04:53.223 --> 01:04:57.292 -Amazing! Oh, my God! -Hi! 1282 01:04:57.294 --> 01:04:58.994 -So good to see you! -Oh, our brand, 1283 01:04:58.996 --> 01:05:01.429 that was nice of you. 1284 01:05:01.431 --> 01:05:05.500 -Oh, they got our brand! -Yeah, should we open it? 1285 01:05:05.502 --> 01:05:07.202 Okay. 1286 01:05:07.204 --> 01:05:09.137 Well, let me get involved. 1287 01:05:09.139 --> 01:05:15.076 ¶ 1288 01:05:15.078 --> 01:05:17.479 (indistinct speaking) 1289 01:05:17.481 --> 01:05:27.455 ¶ 1290 01:05:33.196 --> 01:05:35.297 It's like the first wine I've had in weeks. 1291 01:05:35.299 --> 01:05:37.198 Why, 'cause you still had the juice before? 1292 01:05:37.200 --> 01:05:38.934 -Oh, God. -No, you didn't. 1293 01:05:38.936 --> 01:05:40.502 -You did it? -I did it. 1294 01:05:40.504 --> 01:05:42.337 -I regret it. -Oh, my God, tell me. 1295 01:05:42.339 --> 01:05:43.939 It was horrible, you know I need my carbs. 1296 01:05:43.941 --> 01:05:45.674 -Yes! -Right, and then none. 1297 01:05:45.676 --> 01:05:48.109 -Oh, my God. -It's just liquids going in. 1298 01:05:48.111 --> 01:05:49.444 Yeah, fruits, veggie, nothing. 1299 01:05:49.446 --> 01:05:51.179 But you gotta clean it out. 1300 01:05:51.181 --> 01:05:53.281 You gotta get all--I mean, do you know how much 1301 01:05:53.283 --> 01:05:55.083 I'm about to eat tonight? 1302 01:05:55.085 --> 01:05:57.686 Turkey blackout, bitch! 1303 01:05:57.688 --> 01:05:59.621 Ah, it's gonna be so good! 1304 01:05:59.623 --> 01:06:01.990 I got these three clients now, you know. 1305 01:06:01.992 --> 01:06:03.491 I guess, to be honest, 1306 01:06:03.493 --> 01:06:06.127 it's really just, it's overwhelming, man. 1307 01:06:06.129 --> 01:06:08.463 Like, I want the food baby to be so exaggerated 1308 01:06:08.465 --> 01:06:10.298 that it looks like I'm like six months pregnant. 1309 01:06:10.300 --> 01:06:11.333 And we're all like, "What happened?" 1310 01:06:11.335 --> 01:06:13.234 -Exactly. -Okay, right. 1311 01:06:13.236 --> 01:06:15.036 That's why I wore, like, the kinda flowy 1312 01:06:15.038 --> 01:06:16.137 -material. -And it's like I'm on this 1313 01:06:16.139 --> 01:06:19.374 rotation of, like, every six hours, 1314 01:06:19.376 --> 01:06:21.109 just non-stop, you know what I mean? 1315 01:06:21.111 --> 01:06:23.678 And it's like, I'm lucky if I only sleep like 1316 01:06:23.680 --> 01:06:25.013 four hours a night. 1317 01:06:25.015 --> 01:06:27.248 -It's Ryan, right? -Yeah. 1318 01:06:27.250 --> 01:06:28.350 It's nice to meet you. 1319 01:06:28.352 --> 01:06:29.484 Nice bow tie. 1320 01:06:29.486 --> 01:06:31.052 Thank you, bow ties are, 1321 01:06:31.054 --> 01:06:34.122 -bow ties are cool. -It's pretty red. 1322 01:06:34.124 --> 01:06:35.357 Yeah. 1323 01:06:35.359 --> 01:06:36.992 ¶ 1324 01:06:36.994 --> 01:06:39.594 (laughing) 1325 01:06:39.596 --> 01:06:41.563 And that's why I'll never go back 1326 01:06:41.565 --> 01:06:44.132 -to Tijuana. -Pipe down, you fools. 1327 01:06:44.134 --> 01:06:45.000 -Oh. -Ooh. 1328 01:06:45.002 --> 01:06:46.167 Shh, shh! 1329 01:06:46.169 --> 01:06:50.605 -Mom, Mom has a speech. -Oh, God. 1330 01:06:50.607 --> 01:06:52.407 Okay, okay. 1331 01:06:52.409 --> 01:06:54.476 Welcome to another annual 1332 01:06:54.478 --> 01:06:57.212 -Friendsgiving. -Whoa, no, no. 1333 01:06:57.214 --> 01:07:00.048 Come on, no, it's not Friendsgiving. 1334 01:07:00.050 --> 01:07:02.117 We're not ready to grow up, Mom. 1335 01:07:02.119 --> 01:07:03.785 Not this year. 1336 01:07:03.787 --> 01:07:05.020 Are you kidding, I can barely take 1337 01:07:05.021 --> 01:07:06.254 -care of myself. -Do you want me 1338 01:07:06.255 --> 01:07:07.488 -to do the speech, instead? -Yeah! 1339 01:07:07.491 --> 01:07:10.692 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1340 01:07:10.694 --> 01:07:13.395 Welcome to another annual turkey blackout. 1341 01:07:13.397 --> 01:07:16.331 -Yeah! -Yeah, that sounds about right. 1342 01:07:16.333 --> 01:07:17.198 All right. 1343 01:07:17.200 --> 01:07:19.334 -Cheers to that. -Cheers. 1344 01:07:21.638 --> 01:07:23.538 Anyway, 1345 01:07:23.540 --> 01:07:25.306 as some of you know, 1346 01:07:25.308 --> 01:07:28.676 some of us are coming up on ten years 1347 01:07:28.678 --> 01:07:31.179 of being friends with each other. 1348 01:07:31.181 --> 01:07:32.414 -We did it. -Don't say it out loud! 1349 01:07:32.416 --> 01:07:33.815 I know, it's crazy! 1350 01:07:33.817 --> 01:07:35.750 And it's because we love each other. 1351 01:07:35.752 --> 01:07:38.053 -We do. -And we're there for each other 1352 01:07:38.055 --> 01:07:40.221 -no matter what. -Ugh, can we eat already? 1353 01:07:40.223 --> 01:07:43.358 And we will always be there for each other. 1354 01:07:43.360 --> 01:07:45.227 You hear that? 1355 01:07:45.228 --> 01:07:47.095 -No matter what. -You talkin' about me? 1356 01:07:47.097 --> 01:07:49.631 -Here, here! -That was right to you. 1357 01:07:49.633 --> 01:07:52.667 Quicker we toast, the quicker we eat. 1358 01:07:52.669 --> 01:07:55.070 But it's like this night. 1359 01:07:55.072 --> 01:08:04.846 ¶ 1360 01:08:34.111 --> 01:08:36.377 (indistinct speaking) 1361 01:08:36.379 --> 01:08:38.179 What number is that? 1362 01:08:38.181 --> 01:08:39.681 Uh... 1363 01:08:39.683 --> 01:08:41.616 ¶ 1364 01:08:41.618 --> 01:08:44.185 -Did you make this? -No. 1365 01:08:44.187 --> 01:08:47.589 This glass is, like, five, I think. 1366 01:08:47.591 --> 01:08:51.593 I consume pie, I don't actually make it. 1367 01:08:51.595 --> 01:08:53.761 -Yeah, baby. -How do you do that? 1368 01:08:53.763 --> 01:08:55.463 Uh, what? 1369 01:08:55.465 --> 01:08:56.764 Love something, at the same time, 1370 01:08:56.766 --> 01:08:59.434 squeeze the fuckin' life out of it. 1371 01:08:59.436 --> 01:09:00.768 Fuck you. 1372 01:09:00.770 --> 01:09:02.570 Can I finish my pie first? 1373 01:09:02.572 --> 01:09:05.907 (inaudible) 1374 01:09:05.909 --> 01:09:08.376 Catch up? 1375 01:09:08.378 --> 01:09:10.845 Okay, blackout starting now. 1376 01:09:10.847 --> 01:09:14.849 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1377 01:09:14.851 --> 01:09:17.418 (laughing) 1378 01:09:18.522 --> 01:09:21.222 (indistinct speaking) 1379 01:09:21.224 --> 01:09:23.324 No, you feed me, I feed you. 1380 01:09:23.326 --> 01:09:33.301 ¶ 1381 01:09:34.304 --> 01:09:36.204 What are you doing? 1382 01:09:36.206 --> 01:09:37.705 Oh, just making myself at home. 1383 01:09:37.707 --> 01:09:41.209 Uh-huh, I could tell. 1384 01:09:41.211 --> 01:09:42.310 What happened? 1385 01:09:42.312 --> 01:09:44.179 You and Soph. 1386 01:09:44.181 --> 01:09:45.446 Nothing? 1387 01:09:45.448 --> 01:09:48.416 ¶ 1388 01:09:48.418 --> 01:09:49.884 What did you do? 1389 01:09:49.886 --> 01:09:53.755 Like, literally nothing? 1390 01:09:53.757 --> 01:09:58.560 Not like a ghosting exactly, but, yeah. 1391 01:09:58.562 --> 01:10:01.262 Just didn't call. 1392 01:10:01.264 --> 01:10:02.463 I know. 1393 01:10:02.465 --> 01:10:04.566 ¶ 1394 01:10:04.568 --> 01:10:06.401 You are the worst. 1395 01:10:06.403 --> 01:10:08.236 I, I really am. 1396 01:10:08.238 --> 01:10:09.737 ¶ 1397 01:10:09.739 --> 01:10:11.606 As long as you know. 1398 01:10:11.608 --> 01:10:13.441 (laughing) 1399 01:10:13.443 --> 01:10:23.418 ¶ 1400 01:10:27.390 --> 01:10:29.591 (sighing) 1401 01:10:35.465 --> 01:10:40.301 ¶ 1402 01:10:40.303 --> 01:10:42.303 You've got this complex about you, 1403 01:10:42.305 --> 01:10:44.872 like you wanna meet a girl and save her. 1404 01:10:44.874 --> 01:10:46.307 Well, I don't know what to tell you, 1405 01:10:46.309 --> 01:10:47.609 but that's not how it works. 1406 01:10:47.611 --> 01:10:50.011 You can't just go around saving everyone. 1407 01:10:50.013 --> 01:10:52.814 ¶ 1408 01:10:52.816 --> 01:10:56.251 Can't just go around saving everyone. 1409 01:10:56.253 --> 01:10:58.019 I'm not trying to save everyone. 1410 01:10:58.021 --> 01:11:00.989 I'm just trying to save you. 1411 01:11:00.991 --> 01:11:02.957 Just you. 1412 01:11:02.959 --> 01:11:05.526 I never asked you to save me! 1413 01:11:05.528 --> 01:11:07.895 ("save me" echoing) 1414 01:11:09.466 --> 01:11:11.899 How's the writing coming? 1415 01:11:11.901 --> 01:11:14.002 The writing is okay. 1416 01:11:14.004 --> 01:11:17.338 Uh, I haven't, I haven't been writing lately. 1417 01:11:17.340 --> 01:11:19.274 How come? 1418 01:11:19.276 --> 01:11:21.843 Um, how do I write something that I 1419 01:11:21.845 --> 01:11:24.379 kind of don't know yet? 1420 01:11:24.381 --> 01:11:26.681 The big, the big question in it is 1421 01:11:26.683 --> 01:11:27.915 who does the character end up with? 1422 01:11:27.917 --> 01:11:31.586 So, who do I end up with? 1423 01:11:31.588 --> 01:11:36.591 Maybe you don't wanna end up with anyone. 1424 01:11:36.593 --> 01:11:38.059 Maybe. 1425 01:11:38.061 --> 01:11:39.961 Seems kinda bleak though. 1426 01:11:39.963 --> 01:11:41.996 Maybe you don't want there to be an ending. 1427 01:11:41.998 --> 01:11:44.432 ¶ 1428 01:11:44.434 --> 01:11:46.367 No one likes endings. 1429 01:11:46.369 --> 01:11:49.404 ¶ 1430 01:11:49.406 --> 01:11:51.806 Do you remember the last day of high school? 1431 01:11:51.808 --> 01:11:53.608 Of course. 1432 01:11:53.610 --> 01:11:56.544 I had a lacrosse game, and... 1433 01:11:56.546 --> 01:11:58.680 (sighing) 1434 01:11:58.682 --> 01:11:59.981 ...it was such a hard season, 1435 01:11:59.983 --> 01:12:02.850 the coach, Ms. Muskin, she yelled at me 1436 01:12:02.852 --> 01:12:04.619 all season long, "Get the ball! 1437 01:12:04.621 --> 01:12:06.621 Go faster, shoot harder!" 1438 01:12:06.623 --> 01:12:09.624 Ugh, I was so ready to graduate 1439 01:12:09.626 --> 01:12:12.460 and play in college. 1440 01:12:12.462 --> 01:12:15.063 And then after that last game... 1441 01:12:15.065 --> 01:12:17.565 (sighing) 1442 01:12:17.567 --> 01:12:20.001 ...I just sat in the locker room and bawled. 1443 01:12:20.003 --> 01:12:22.837 (inaudible) 1444 01:12:22.838 --> 01:12:25.672 'Cause I realized I was never gonna play for Ms. Muskin again. 1445 01:12:25.675 --> 01:12:28.076 I was never gonna 1446 01:12:28.078 --> 01:12:31.879 be with my friends, and-- 1447 01:12:31.881 --> 01:12:34.449 it was over, and it was horrible. 1448 01:12:34.451 --> 01:12:36.050 ¶ 1449 01:12:36.052 --> 01:12:37.018 No one likes endings, 1450 01:12:37.020 --> 01:12:41.756 but they're a part of life. 1451 01:12:41.758 --> 01:12:44.359 (inaudible) 1452 01:12:44.361 --> 01:12:47.028 ¶ 1453 01:12:47.030 --> 01:12:49.697 Man. 1454 01:12:49.699 --> 01:12:51.499 You know, 1455 01:12:51.501 --> 01:12:53.801 sometimes I come in here 1456 01:12:53.803 --> 01:12:55.570 in a pretty even mood, 1457 01:12:55.572 --> 01:12:58.139 and I leave just totally fucked up. 1458 01:12:58.141 --> 01:12:59.907 (laughing) 1459 01:12:59.909 --> 01:13:01.976 -Yeah, I bet. -Uh-huh. 1460 01:13:01.978 --> 01:13:04.078 -One more service I provide. -Right, right. 1461 01:13:04.080 --> 01:13:06.114 Thank you. 1462 01:13:06.116 --> 01:13:14.655 ¶ 1463 01:13:14.657 --> 01:13:16.424 Oh, I didn't see you there. 1464 01:13:16.426 --> 01:13:18.092 ¶ 1465 01:13:18.094 --> 01:13:19.160 Hello, students! 1466 01:13:19.162 --> 01:13:20.728 Welcome back to another episode 1467 01:13:20.730 --> 01:13:22.397 of Moonlight Bakers Club. 1468 01:13:22.399 --> 01:13:25.166 I'm your teacher, Ms. Cherry, and tonight 1469 01:13:25.168 --> 01:13:27.402 we'll be baking a peach cobbler. 1470 01:13:27.404 --> 01:13:29.437 Let's get started! 1471 01:13:29.439 --> 01:13:31.406 All right, bakers, so first things first, 1472 01:13:31.408 --> 01:13:32.974 we're gonna make our pie crust. 1473 01:13:32.976 --> 01:13:35.810 So we're gonna bring together flour, salt, and sugar 1474 01:13:35.812 --> 01:13:39.447 and combine until it's just flakey and perfect. 1475 01:13:39.449 --> 01:13:41.949 Next up, we add cold butter and shortening to the mixture, 1476 01:13:41.951 --> 01:13:43.751 process for about 10 seconds 1477 01:13:43.753 --> 01:13:46.521 until it begins to look like a coarse meal texture. 1478 01:13:46.523 --> 01:13:48.022 ¶ 1479 01:13:48.024 --> 01:13:49.424 Next step, we're gonna drizzle in 1480 01:13:49.426 --> 01:13:51.959 three tablespoons of cold water. 1481 01:13:51.961 --> 01:13:54.028 And once it begins to clump together, stop. 1482 01:13:54.030 --> 01:13:56.164 You may need to add one more tablespoon 1483 01:13:56.166 --> 01:13:58.599 of this cold water for it to come together. 1484 01:13:58.601 --> 01:14:01.636 ¶ 1485 01:14:01.638 --> 01:14:03.171 Roll the dough with a rolling pin 1486 01:14:03.173 --> 01:14:04.705 to about a 12-inch circle 1487 01:14:04.707 --> 01:14:06.441 and transfer to a pie plate. 1488 01:14:06.443 --> 01:14:07.909 ¶ 1489 01:14:07.911 --> 01:14:10.711 And remember guys, don't panic if it's not perfect. 1490 01:14:10.713 --> 01:14:12.647 You can fix it in the pie plate later. 1491 01:14:12.649 --> 01:14:14.649 It's just baking! 1492 01:14:14.651 --> 01:14:16.184 All right, now that our crust is set, 1493 01:14:16.186 --> 01:14:17.519 we're gonna shift gears 1494 01:14:17.520 --> 01:14:18.853 and make our peach cobbler filling. 1495 01:14:18.855 --> 01:14:20.054 All right, to prepare the peaches, 1496 01:14:20.056 --> 01:14:21.189 you'll slice or dice, 1497 01:14:21.191 --> 01:14:23.891 and then place them into the pie dish. 1498 01:14:23.893 --> 01:14:26.060 Once they're in the pie dish, you'll sprinkle the peaches 1499 01:14:26.062 --> 01:14:28.463 with your sugar, corn starch, 1500 01:14:28.465 --> 01:14:30.015 mix evenly, 1501 01:14:30.016 --> 01:14:31.566 and spread out throughout the dish. 1502 01:14:31.568 --> 01:14:36.103 ¶ 1503 01:14:36.105 --> 01:14:37.872 To create your cobbler batter, 1504 01:14:37.874 --> 01:14:39.740 you'll bring together in a large bowl 1505 01:14:39.742 --> 01:14:44.479 your butter, sugar, vanilla, and milk. 1506 01:14:44.481 --> 01:14:46.681 (inaudible) 1507 01:14:46.683 --> 01:14:48.182 From there, you'll add your flour, 1508 01:14:48.184 --> 01:14:50.685 baking powder, and salt into the mixture 1509 01:14:50.687 --> 01:14:51.953 and combine well. 1510 01:14:51.955 --> 01:14:53.588 The batter will be thick 1511 01:14:53.589 --> 01:14:55.222 with a cookie dough-like consistency. 1512 01:14:55.225 --> 01:14:57.091 Using a spatula, or your hands, 1513 01:14:57.093 --> 01:14:59.060 sprinkle the batter on top of the peaches 1514 01:14:59.062 --> 01:15:00.194 spread out just a little bit. 1515 01:15:00.196 --> 01:15:01.596 It doesn't have to be perfect 1516 01:15:01.598 --> 01:15:04.699 or cover all the peaches. 1517 01:15:04.701 --> 01:15:05.867 And the last step, 1518 01:15:05.869 --> 01:15:07.568 bake for 30 to 35 minutes, 1519 01:15:07.570 --> 01:15:09.237 or until the crust is golden brown 1520 01:15:09.239 --> 01:15:11.606 and the peaches are just bubbling. 1521 01:15:11.608 --> 01:15:12.740 Let's bake! 1522 01:15:12.742 --> 01:15:19.847 ¶ 1523 01:15:19.849 --> 01:15:21.516 (inaudible) 1524 01:15:21.518 --> 01:15:30.691 ¶ 1525 01:15:30.693 --> 01:15:33.060 (inaudible) 1526 01:15:33.062 --> 01:15:43.037 ¶ 1527 01:15:45.174 --> 01:15:47.675 (inaudible) 1528 01:15:47.677 --> 01:15:57.652 ¶ 1529 01:16:00.189 --> 01:16:02.690 (inaudible) 1530 01:16:02.692 --> 01:16:12.667 ¶ 1531 01:16:16.139 --> 01:16:18.739 (inaudible) 1532 01:16:18.741 --> 01:16:28.716 ¶ 1533 01:17:15.064 --> 01:17:17.665 (cars passing) 1534 01:17:17.667 --> 01:17:20.668 ¶ 1535 01:17:28.311 --> 01:17:30.878 Oh, I have a fuckin' moustache. 1536 01:17:33.016 --> 01:17:36.951 -Wow, you finally cut your hair! -Oh, yeah! 1537 01:17:36.953 --> 01:17:39.053 -Look at you! -Thanks for, thanks for, 1538 01:17:39.055 --> 01:17:40.021 thanks for meeting me, 1539 01:17:40.023 --> 01:17:42.156 and seeing the new me. 1540 01:17:42.158 --> 01:17:43.090 Yeah! 1541 01:17:43.092 --> 01:17:44.141 Sort of. 1542 01:17:44.142 --> 01:17:45.191 I think it's an improvement. 1543 01:17:45.194 --> 01:17:46.961 -Thank you. -You look very nice. 1544 01:17:46.963 --> 01:17:48.796 -Aw, you do too. -Oh, thank you. 1545 01:17:48.798 --> 01:17:50.398 -Oh, yes. -I was feeling festive. 1546 01:17:50.400 --> 01:17:52.033 -So festive! -You know, 1547 01:17:52.035 --> 01:17:54.435 you can never go wrong with a good crisscrossed sleeve. 1548 01:17:54.437 --> 01:17:56.003 Or... 1549 01:17:56.005 --> 01:17:57.004 A pattern. 1550 01:17:57.006 --> 01:17:58.239 ...or a pattern! 1551 01:17:58.241 --> 01:18:00.041 A bold, strong pattern. 1552 01:18:00.043 --> 01:18:01.909 It's a bold, it's my power shirt. 1553 01:18:01.911 --> 01:18:03.144 Good! 1554 01:18:03.146 --> 01:18:05.196 It's not, I don't know. 1555 01:18:05.197 --> 01:18:07.247 Let's get some ice cream from Half Baked Ice Cream. 1556 01:18:07.250 --> 01:18:08.416 -It's gonna be really good. -Okay. 1557 01:18:08.418 --> 01:18:10.351 I'm really excited. 1558 01:18:10.353 --> 01:18:12.953 Oh, it even smells good. 1559 01:18:12.955 --> 01:18:15.089 Okay, so don't judge me on my choices, 1560 01:18:15.091 --> 01:18:16.223 'cause I might go with more than one. 1561 01:18:16.225 --> 01:18:17.458 This is your show. 1562 01:18:17.460 --> 01:18:19.293 Okay. 1563 01:18:19.295 --> 01:18:21.062 Oh, God, this is hard! 1564 01:18:21.064 --> 01:18:23.030 They have everything I like. 1565 01:18:23.032 --> 01:18:24.432 It's like a whole--There should be, like, a whole section 1566 01:18:24.434 --> 01:18:26.801 just devoted to chocolate, 1567 01:18:26.803 --> 01:18:29.236 and then just vanilla can have, like, one flavor over there 1568 01:18:29.238 --> 01:18:31.972 next to the, next to the gross sherbet. 1569 01:18:31.974 --> 01:18:33.741 -That that colorful one? -Yes! 1570 01:18:33.743 --> 01:18:36.077 -Okay. -That's like eight flavors. 1571 01:18:36.079 --> 01:18:37.845 And it's just ice. 1572 01:18:37.847 --> 01:18:41.415 -Like, no, it doesn't belong. -No! 1573 01:18:41.417 --> 01:18:43.117 It doesn't belong, it needs to go. 1574 01:18:43.119 --> 01:18:44.686 I'm just gonna agree with 1575 01:18:44.687 --> 01:18:46.254 whatever you have to say anyway, so. 1576 01:18:46.255 --> 01:18:47.822 Excellent, that's the right way to go about it. 1577 01:18:47.824 --> 01:18:50.157 -I'm always right. -Yes. 1578 01:18:50.159 --> 01:18:52.093 -Everything. -You're right. 1579 01:18:52.095 --> 01:18:53.494 I could say the stupidest thing, 1580 01:18:53.496 --> 01:18:54.929 and you would say... 1581 01:18:54.931 --> 01:18:56.030 I agree. 1582 01:18:56.032 --> 01:18:57.732 -Or laugh. -Mm-hm. 1583 01:18:57.733 --> 01:18:59.433 -It depends on what comes first. -Yeah. 1584 01:18:59.435 --> 01:19:01.035 Depends on what naturally happens. 1585 01:19:01.037 --> 01:19:02.403 I'm not sweaty. 1586 01:19:02.405 --> 01:19:04.805 -I'm fine. -I'm, uh, it's fine. 1587 01:19:04.807 --> 01:19:07.174 (laughing) 1588 01:19:08.311 --> 01:19:11.145 -So, question. -Yes? 1589 01:19:11.147 --> 01:19:12.747 Why didn't you call me? 1590 01:19:12.749 --> 01:19:14.348 -Oh, right, right. -Mm-hm. 1591 01:19:14.350 --> 01:19:17.118 -Had to happen sometime. -Yeah, well, 1592 01:19:17.120 --> 01:19:18.252 it was real, 1593 01:19:18.254 --> 01:19:19.887 you know? 1594 01:19:19.888 --> 01:19:21.521 You're--I, I can't run away from you. 1595 01:19:21.524 --> 01:19:23.057 I mean, I know I ran away from you... 1596 01:19:23.059 --> 01:19:24.859 -A little bit. -...just a little bit, 1597 01:19:24.861 --> 01:19:27.128 but, like, I can't, like, you know, you're my friend, 1598 01:19:27.130 --> 01:19:28.980 you know, we've got the same friend group. 1599 01:19:28.981 --> 01:19:30.831 I couldn't, you know, I had to face it at some point. 1600 01:19:30.833 --> 01:19:32.266 Mm. 1601 01:19:32.268 --> 01:19:34.101 -Okay, I'll take it. -You know. 1602 01:19:34.103 --> 01:19:35.436 Okay. 1603 01:19:35.438 --> 01:19:36.837 Real stuff, huh? 1604 01:19:36.839 --> 01:19:38.072 -Real stuff. -Mm. 1605 01:19:38.074 --> 01:19:39.874 With real feelings and everything. 1606 01:19:39.876 --> 01:19:41.375 Right, right. 1607 01:19:41.377 --> 01:19:43.544 You're still the worst. 1608 01:19:43.546 --> 01:19:45.312 But you have your moments. 1609 01:19:45.314 --> 01:19:46.514 Rare. 1610 01:19:46.516 --> 01:19:47.515 Rare. 1611 01:19:47.517 --> 01:19:50.251 (laughing) 1612 01:19:50.253 --> 01:19:53.821 Okay, speaking of real, I got one more. 1613 01:19:53.823 --> 01:19:55.189 Real answer, 1614 01:19:55.191 --> 01:19:56.457 why pie? 1615 01:19:56.459 --> 01:19:59.460 -Why, pie, huh? -Mm-hm. 1616 01:19:59.462 --> 01:20:01.829 Well, way back when... 1617 01:20:01.831 --> 01:20:03.481 Right. 1618 01:20:03.482 --> 01:20:05.132 -...I, uh, I met a girl. -Mm-hm. 1619 01:20:05.134 --> 01:20:07.468 -And we went out on a date. -Mm-hm. 1620 01:20:07.470 --> 01:20:09.036 And it was just normal, it was dinner, 1621 01:20:09.038 --> 01:20:10.471 and drinks, and the whole, you know. 1622 01:20:10.473 --> 01:20:12.072 -Wow! -And it went really well, 1623 01:20:12.074 --> 01:20:13.374 so there was a second date. 1624 01:20:13.376 --> 01:20:14.575 -Mm-hm. -And on that second date, 1625 01:20:14.577 --> 01:20:18.946 I had to pick something besides an $80 dinner. 1626 01:20:18.948 --> 01:20:20.214 It was a long time ago, you know. 1627 01:20:20.216 --> 01:20:22.016 Right. 1628 01:20:22.017 --> 01:20:23.817 And a coffee's kind of like a business date. 1629 01:20:23.820 --> 01:20:25.820 Mm-hm. 1630 01:20:25.822 --> 01:20:27.087 And, you know, 1631 01:20:27.089 --> 01:20:28.589 drinks are a little presumptuous, 1632 01:20:28.591 --> 01:20:30.057 so I settled on pie. 1633 01:20:30.059 --> 01:20:31.458 It's kind of like a nice, easy, 1634 01:20:31.460 --> 01:20:32.960 -in the middle thing. -Mm-hm. 1635 01:20:32.962 --> 01:20:34.395 And it was great, it was a great date, 1636 01:20:34.397 --> 01:20:36.263 and we fell in love, 1637 01:20:36.265 --> 01:20:38.065 and did all the things, 1638 01:20:38.067 --> 01:20:40.935 and then she got sick, 1639 01:20:40.937 --> 01:20:43.504 and she died. 1640 01:20:46.342 --> 01:20:47.842 I'm just fuckin' with you. 1641 01:20:47.843 --> 01:20:49.343 -I'm sorry, she's-- -What the--? 1642 01:20:49.345 --> 01:20:50.845 You're--What's wrong with you? 1643 01:20:50.847 --> 01:20:51.979 I don't know what's wrong with me. 1644 01:20:51.980 --> 01:20:53.112 -I just like-- -That's horrible! 1645 01:20:53.115 --> 01:20:54.982 I saw an opening--She's fine! 1646 01:20:54.984 --> 01:20:57.218 -She just, she just moved away. -Okay, was any of that 1647 01:20:57.220 --> 01:20:58.485 -story real? -All real, I swear. 1648 01:20:58.487 --> 01:20:59.486 She just, she just moved away. 1649 01:20:59.488 --> 01:21:00.588 She's alive. 1650 01:21:00.590 --> 01:21:03.023 Oh, my God! 1651 01:21:03.025 --> 01:21:04.425 Oh, you're terr-- I don't believe you. 1652 01:21:04.427 --> 01:21:06.126 But when she moved away, we, like, you know, 1653 01:21:06.128 --> 01:21:07.228 it was hard, 1654 01:21:07.230 --> 01:21:08.229 you know, we broke up. 1655 01:21:08.231 --> 01:21:10.564 -And, uh-- -Mm-hm. 1656 01:21:10.566 --> 01:21:12.266 The first, like, when I started dating again, 1657 01:21:12.268 --> 01:21:14.335 the first thing that came to mind was, 1658 01:21:14.337 --> 01:21:15.436 was pie. 1659 01:21:15.438 --> 01:21:17.071 And then it just, you know, 1660 01:21:17.073 --> 01:21:19.573 -snowballed outta control. -Right, just, just completely. 1661 01:21:19.575 --> 01:21:21.208 -Mm-hm. -All the way down the hill. 1662 01:21:21.210 --> 01:21:23.377 Yeah. 1663 01:21:23.379 --> 01:21:24.645 I can't believe you. 1664 01:21:24.647 --> 01:21:26.580 You're terrible. 1665 01:21:28.584 --> 01:21:30.351 -Okay, you comin'? -I'm comin'! 1666 01:21:30.353 --> 01:21:33.621 (laughing) 1667 01:21:33.623 --> 01:21:35.122 But ice cream, though, you know? 1668 01:21:35.124 --> 01:21:36.957 -Yeah, always a good choice. -It's good. 1669 01:21:36.959 --> 01:21:38.993 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1670 01:21:38.995 --> 01:21:40.261 Oh, my God, I got some of your vanilla in there. 1671 01:21:40.263 --> 01:21:41.395 Oh, no! 1672 01:21:41.397 --> 01:21:43.163 (laughing) 1673 01:21:43.165 --> 01:21:50.905 ¶ 1674 01:21:50.907 --> 01:21:52.940 What do you guys think? 1675 01:21:52.942 --> 01:21:54.308 It's good, yeah. 1676 01:21:54.310 --> 01:21:56.243 I mean, I like it, it's definitely the most 1677 01:21:56.245 --> 01:21:58.212 relatable thing you've ever written. 1678 01:21:58.214 --> 01:21:59.780 Relatable's good. 1679 01:21:59.781 --> 01:22:01.347 It's good, but your character, 1680 01:22:01.350 --> 01:22:04.184 I think that there are contexts and scenes that are 1681 01:22:04.186 --> 01:22:06.020 a little bit unrealistic. 1682 01:22:06.022 --> 01:22:07.955 -Here, let me just-- -But it--Okay. 1683 01:22:07.957 --> 01:22:10.057 -But it really happened. -Why would a guy 1684 01:22:10.059 --> 01:22:11.625 who's tryin' to find love 1685 01:22:11.627 --> 01:22:14.061 go on Tinder, and then go on these pie dates? 1686 01:22:14.063 --> 01:22:15.229 It just doesn't make sense. 1687 01:22:15.231 --> 01:22:17.665 Everyone goes on Tinder for one reason. 1688 01:22:17.667 --> 01:22:19.333 But that's not necessarily true. 1689 01:22:19.334 --> 01:22:21.000 It is fuckin' true, allow me to tell you why. 1690 01:22:21.003 --> 01:22:23.170 Everyone is thinkin' in binary, bro. 1691 01:22:23.172 --> 01:22:24.972 Ones and zeroes, yes or nos. 1692 01:22:24.974 --> 01:22:26.340 Dude, what are you talkin' about? 1693 01:22:26.342 --> 01:22:28.275 Binary? 1694 01:22:28.277 --> 01:22:30.611 People go on Tinder dates for all types of reasons. 1695 01:22:30.613 --> 01:22:32.380 It's about the experience. 1696 01:22:32.381 --> 01:22:34.148 You know, hopefully you meet someone that you can, 1697 01:22:34.150 --> 01:22:35.382 you know, go on another date with, 1698 01:22:35.384 --> 01:22:37.217 who you like to actually talk to. 1699 01:22:37.219 --> 01:22:39.219 No one finds love on Tinder, that's all I'm sayin'. 1700 01:22:39.221 --> 01:22:41.105 How do you not-- 1701 01:22:41.106 --> 01:22:42.990 Not everyone can just live their life without emotion. 1702 01:22:42.992 --> 01:22:45.726 Like, you need some level of emotion to-- 1703 01:22:45.728 --> 01:22:47.728 Look at me, I'm very happy. 1704 01:22:47.730 --> 01:22:48.662 Look at you. 1705 01:22:48.664 --> 01:22:50.998 So you guys would watch this? 1706 01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:54.034 I'd watch just about anything, but yes, I'd watch this. 1707 01:22:54.036 --> 01:22:56.337 If I didn't know you were making it, 1708 01:22:56.339 --> 01:22:58.305 no. 1709 01:22:58.307 --> 01:23:01.108 But my whole point is that 1710 01:23:01.110 --> 01:23:03.310 in order to feel better about myself 1711 01:23:03.312 --> 01:23:05.346 out in the real world and I was just recently single, 1712 01:23:05.348 --> 01:23:08.582 sure, yes, I would watch it. 1713 01:23:08.584 --> 01:23:10.985 So what's the title? 1714 01:23:10.987 --> 01:23:13.454 I don't know, I had Pie Stories. 1715 01:23:13.456 --> 01:23:15.089 Pie Stories? 1716 01:23:15.091 --> 01:23:18.158 What about, like, Pieland? 1717 01:23:18.160 --> 01:23:20.728 Like Thailand, but Pieland. 1718 01:23:20.730 --> 01:23:22.463 -We'll work on that. -How 'bout, uh, 1719 01:23:22.465 --> 01:23:24.431 how 'bout Pie Hard? 1720 01:23:24.433 --> 01:23:26.433 Or, or True Pies. 1721 01:23:26.435 --> 01:23:29.436 You know, True Lies, True Pies? 1722 01:23:29.438 --> 01:23:31.205 -Like the movie? -Or, or Pie-o-dome? 1723 01:23:31.207 --> 01:23:33.207 Ooh, Pie-o-dome! 1724 01:23:33.209 --> 01:23:34.608 Okay, okay, we're rolling. 1725 01:23:34.610 --> 01:23:37.077 I was thinking Me, Myself, and Pie's not a bad idea. 1726 01:23:37.079 --> 01:23:39.146 -I like that. -Thank you, right. 1727 01:23:39.148 --> 01:23:40.614 Pies Wide Shut, Pies Wide Shut! 1728 01:23:40.616 --> 01:23:42.383 (laughing) 1729 01:23:42.385 --> 01:23:44.651 -Oh, sexual. -Um. 1730 01:23:44.653 --> 01:23:46.453 A Million Ways to Pie in the West. 1731 01:23:46.455 --> 01:23:48.389 -Okay. -But it's not a Western though. 1732 01:23:48.391 --> 01:23:50.124 Um. 1733 01:23:50.126 --> 01:23:53.060 -No, it's not a Western. -He's right. 1734 01:23:53.062 --> 01:23:54.762 Um, Collateral Pies? 1735 01:23:54.764 --> 01:23:56.330 Uh, Pies-- 1736 01:23:56.332 --> 01:23:57.464 Pie-rates of the Caribbean. 1737 01:23:57.466 --> 01:23:58.599 Pirates of the Caribbean? 1738 01:23:58.601 --> 01:23:59.767 Pie-rates, Pie. 1739 01:23:59.769 --> 01:24:01.368 That's just the name of a movie! 1740 01:24:01.370 --> 01:24:04.705 No, like the pie, you know, 1741 01:24:04.707 --> 01:24:06.140 -there's a pirate. -There's no, 1742 01:24:06.142 --> 01:24:07.174 there's no joke there. 1743 01:24:07.176 --> 01:24:08.642 It's just the name of a movie. 1744 01:24:08.644 --> 01:24:10.177 I mean, fuck it. 1745 01:24:10.179 --> 01:24:12.279 -How 'bout American Pie? -Ah. 1746 01:24:12.281 --> 01:24:13.480 That's the same thing! 1747 01:24:13.482 --> 01:24:15.049 -That's worse! -Canadian Pie, 1748 01:24:15.051 --> 01:24:16.667 -whatever, dude. -That's nothing. 1749 01:24:16.668 --> 01:24:18.284 -That's just a made up name. -It'll be an appropriation 1750 01:24:18.287 --> 01:24:19.553 of American Pie. 1751 01:24:19.555 --> 01:24:23.123 -Uh, Romeo Must Pie. -Oh, yes! 1752 01:24:23.125 --> 01:24:24.758 That's, that's like too good. 1753 01:24:24.760 --> 01:24:26.727 Right, you see, you see what I did there? 1754 01:24:26.729 --> 01:24:28.695 -That's perfect! -This is not Shakespeare, 1755 01:24:28.697 --> 01:24:30.798 this is modern art. 1756 01:24:30.800 --> 01:24:33.333 It's not Shakespeare, none of this is Shakespeare. 1757 01:24:33.335 --> 01:24:35.069 It is so Shakespeare. 1758 01:24:35.071 --> 01:24:38.672 The story is the guy going on fucking social media 1759 01:24:38.674 --> 01:24:41.508 -dating apps, like Tinder-- -At a pie place! 1760 01:24:41.510 --> 01:24:43.544 Romeo Must Pie! 1761 01:24:43.546 --> 01:24:46.346 -Romeo Must Pie. -What's goin' on, man? 1762 01:24:46.348 --> 01:24:48.048 Everyone's-- 1763 01:24:48.049 --> 01:24:49.749 -Pie-rates of the Caribbean. -It's not a high-concept idea, 1764 01:24:49.752 --> 01:24:51.518 -this is low-concept idea, the guy's just 1765 01:24:51.520 --> 01:24:54.321 -tryin' to get laid. -Pie-rates, American Pie! 1766 01:24:54.323 --> 01:24:56.457 Oh, how come I didn't think of that? 1767 01:24:56.459 --> 01:24:58.158 (laughing) 1768 01:24:58.160 --> 01:24:59.827 That's great. 1769 01:24:59.829 --> 01:25:01.595 That was good. 1770 01:25:01.597 --> 01:25:03.430 That was good. 1771 01:25:03.432 --> 01:25:05.466 (laughing) 1772 01:25:05.468 --> 01:25:15.442 ¶ 1773 01:25:20.816 --> 01:25:24.418 ¶ Post-modernism took you by surprise 1774 01:25:24.420 --> 01:25:26.687 while you were people-watching 1775 01:25:26.689 --> 01:25:30.290 at the cafeteria ¶ 1776 01:25:30.292 --> 01:25:32.126 ¶ You were in there 1777 01:25:32.128 --> 01:25:36.296 writing a book about all your nightmares ¶ 1778 01:25:36.298 --> 01:25:39.299 ¶ And God you looked so serious ¶ 1779 01:25:39.301 --> 01:25:43.403 ¶ But the little boy was a she ¶ 1780 01:25:43.405 --> 01:25:47.841 ¶ We fell asleep while watchin' our DVD ¶ 1781 01:25:47.843 --> 01:25:51.278 ¶ 1782 01:25:51.280 --> 01:25:54.481 ¶ Cold tears in the wintertime ¶ 1783 01:25:54.483 --> 01:25:57.818 ¶ That's what you mean to me now ¶ 1784 01:25:57.820 --> 01:26:00.521 ¶ 1785 01:26:00.523 --> 01:26:04.558 ¶ Cold tears in wintertime ¶ 1786 01:26:04.560 --> 01:26:08.929 ¶ So much that I almost drowned ¶ 1787 01:26:08.931 --> 01:26:11.365 ¶ It's all over now ¶ 1788 01:26:11.367 --> 01:26:13.700 ¶ It's all over now ¶ 1789 01:26:13.702 --> 01:26:18.338 ¶ My mind keeps workin' overtime ¶ 1790 01:26:18.340 --> 01:26:22.543 ¶ To clean up the mess just to ease all the stress ¶ 1791 01:26:22.545 --> 01:26:28.649 ¶ Of those cold tears in the wintertime ¶ 1792 01:26:28.651 --> 01:26:31.885 ¶