WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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♪

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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♪

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So this is just a weight.

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- You just drop it down, okay?
- Okay.

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♪

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- Hi.
- Hi!

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- Welcome, it's good to see you.
- Good to see you too.

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Thanks for joining us, sit down.

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- Thank you for having me.
- Yeah.

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Well, as you may have been told,

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we're going to do
a series of questions

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but very conversational,
very simple.

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- Let's do it.
- Okay.

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What would you like to know
about this project?

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Well,
I guess first and foremost,

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you know, what even
made you wanna leave

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the corporate world
and you know,

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leap into the world
of filmmaking

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and making a documentary?

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This is obviously a huge change,

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so you know, what made you
want to do that?

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Well, you know,
after 20-plus years

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of being a successful
vice president

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in a large national corporation,

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I was... it was the clock
that did it.

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You go through
this inventory of your life

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and all the things
you wish you had tried.

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I've always wanted to do film.

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If I was ever going
to do anything in film,

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- it needed to be very quickly.
- Yeah.

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I didn't have another
20 years or who knows.

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One of the themes
of this whole film

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is about storytelling

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and how important
storytelling is

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so that we learn from the people
that tell stories to us.

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A lot of the stories
that I see coming from women

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are young women who are blogging

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or something like that online.

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I see a lot of those.

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But I haven't seen
too many older women.

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Women who are, you know, over 60

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I don't know where I would...
I mean, I could probably

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Google one of their stories.

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So you don't see it
in front of you?

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- No, no.
- Yeah.

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I mean yeah, I think
it would be really cool

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to see more older women
putting their stories

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out there through the internet
or social media.

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I mean, that would
definitely be something

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I would be interested in seeing.

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And I think a certain sense
of like wisdom and insight

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into situations would be lost
without those stories.

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The whole idea with this project

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was to bring those
women's voices to the forefront

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and bring them
in front of people

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who might be
kind of shocked to hear

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what it is that they're doing

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and how old they are.

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And then,
maybe prompt them to go find

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some other women to speak with.

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You know, that are older.

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Storytelling takes on
different levels

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and, you know, different
parameters all the time.

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It's so much more
of a connection

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to the bigger world,

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and the connection
becomes greater

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when different people
share their stories.

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So thus,
the Beyond Sixty Project.

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♪

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♪

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We did not live near anyone.

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We were in a very isolated area.

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The nearest neighbor
was about a mile away.

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♪

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Everyone kind of cooperated
with everyone else

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back in that day and age.

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Back then,
we looked out for each other.

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♪

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Forgiveness is the key

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to any tragedy
or any misunderstanding

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or misfortune that you encounter
in your lifetime.

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♪

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Everyone labeled him
as being strange,

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different,

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not normal,

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and then I learned,
after three or four days,

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that this person had
a real mental illness problem.

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♪

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On May 11th, 1966,

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I was leaving the high school
around 3:15,

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arrived at the entrance
to my home

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at the bottom of the lane

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somewhat between
4:00 and 4:15.

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And shortly after
getting off the bus,

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about 200 or 30 feet
from the bus stop,

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I was approached by a man
who came out of the bank

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on the left-hand side
from behind a tree.

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He had a mask and he had
a sawed-off shotgun.

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He grabbed me by the neck and
he pointed the gun to the kids

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and he said,
"You're mine, I'm taking you.

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Tell them little bastards
to leave

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or they're all
gonna die right here."

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And he grabbed me by the neck

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and drove me
into the woods with him.

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♪

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That's women, women's history.

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That's all women.

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Women, women, women.

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That's a lot of women stuff.

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Some business.

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And I, you know, as the girl...

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I mean, I don't know
that this is...

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This is not necessarily true,

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but I think
in a lot of families,

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it's the women
who are the keepers

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of the family story.

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Um, newspapers, photographs.

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So, you know,
I have a lot of stuff,

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but it's, you know,
that's why I'm never writing

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another biography
like this again,

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'cause I can't
go through this again.

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But this is sort of the mission,
you know.

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This is the mission.

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♪

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I started knowing
who these ladies were

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before I knew their name.

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I was born in Chicago.

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We moved to Indianapolis,

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which is where both
of my parents had grown up.

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So I was three years old.

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So we're in this apartment

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and it's my grandmother's room,

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and I just remember,
as a little girl,

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that I would go in that bedroom

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and there were
ostrich-feather fans

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and opera glasses
and photographs

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and you know,
the Shalimar perfume

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that my grandmother wore
was still infused

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in the fabrics
that were in the drawers.

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And we had the silverware

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that had Madam Walker's monogram

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was the silverware
that we used every day

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and the china
for special occasions.

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So I knew about Madam Walker

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but it was kind of
a larger-than-life figure.

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And in some ways, a little bit
of a burden for a kid,

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because there were
some people who'd say,

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"Oh, you think
you're this and that

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because of Madam Walker"
and I'm like,

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I don't even really know
what that means.

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And so, I didn't
really embrace it,

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and my mother, who had grown up
with everybody

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identifying her in that way,

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didn't want that
to be a burden to me

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and so didn't make it
a big deal.

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So we didn't sit around
the table

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telling Madam Walker stories.

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She wanted us to follow
our own dreams,

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and my passion was writing.

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Something that
I sort of gotten the bug

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when I was eight years old,

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and they really supported that.

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♪

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I still was kind of ambivalent
about Madam Walker honestly,

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because this was
the era of afros

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and not straightening your hair,

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and there were many people
who identified Madam Walker

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as the women who invented
the straightening comb

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who wanted to make
Black people look white.

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So I was like,
I don't really know

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that I want to deal with that.

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For me,
the irony is that I ended up

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telling the Madam Walker story

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after many years
as a journalist.

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♪

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I think that
the number one responsibility

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you have to yourself,
you know, in this lifetime,

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however long that may be
none of us know, right,

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is to get in touch
with the things

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that really inspire you
and make you happy.

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♪

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I'm not sure what led me to art
specifically,

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I feel like it was
something inside of me

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that just was always there.

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But I also got,
when I was later in high school,

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involved and had an interest
in medicine.

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I think my dad was like,
"Oh, you know, I know

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you love art but you should be
doing something more practical."

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I was like, all right.

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Honestly,
I'd go to microbiology class

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and my head would be spinning.

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But then at a certain point
I was just like,

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I really wanna pursue art,

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and I remember having
this conversation with my mom.

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She was like, "Look, if that's
what you really wanna do,

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you know, I support you,
I'll talk to your father."

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Even though when she was young,

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what she really wanted to do

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was she wanted to go
to medical school

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and become a doctor.

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And my grandmother, who was,
you know, also very interesting,

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she went to
Parsons School of Design

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and was in fashion,
the fashion world.

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When it came to my mother,
she sort of really pushed her

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into getting married
and having a family.

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The example of her
not really doing

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what she wanted to do

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was partially my inspiration

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to make sure that I always did
what I wanted to do.

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I think in my second year,
I took a sculpture class

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and I knew immediately
once I got involved in that

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that that's what
I wanted to be doing.

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♪

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When I was younger,

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there was a lot of messaging
about, you know,

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you need to be at this place

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by the time you're that age,

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or you need to be at that place

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by the time you're this age.

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I feel like when I was younger,

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I kind of sort of
bought into that.

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I really believe that

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there is no prescription

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for how to live your life,

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and if there were any times

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I was sort of sent down
a path to divert from that,

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it usually wasn't
of my own doing.

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It was someone saying, you know,

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you should do this or, you know,

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you can't be an artist,
you'll never make any money,

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what's the point of that?

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And, um...

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somehow, miraculously, I figured
out how to have it all.

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Women's voices tend
to be associated more with,

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you know, just giving
information and compassion,

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and so, we're associated
a lot with healthcare

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and, you know, fashion,
cosmetics, and things like that.

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And also, telephone systems,

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because traditionally,

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the operators were all female.

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When I was a kid,
that was my favorite toy.

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How ironic that I would
grow up to be the voice

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on millions of phone systems,

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when I used to
just play operator.

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♪

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I became
the original voice of Siri

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in a very mysterious way.

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In other words, I don't know.

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I had done some
digital voice recording

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for a big company
that became Nuance,

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an IVR company text-to-speech,

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and so I knew
that I was recording

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for some kind of phone system.

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At that time,
none of us could picture

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that the phone system
would be handheld,

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a tiny miniature computer

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00:13:01.881 --> 00:13:04.046
that would interact with you.

260
00:13:04.081 --> 00:13:06.576
Actually, Apple came in
after the fact.

261
00:13:06.611 --> 00:13:08.545
You know, so...

262
00:13:08.580 --> 00:13:11.482
And I don't know whether
the original creators of Siri

263
00:13:11.517 --> 00:13:14.958
chose my voice
or whether Apple chose my voice.

264
00:13:14.993 --> 00:13:17.191
So that remains a mystery.

265
00:13:17.226 --> 00:13:21.030
The original recordings
were done in July of 2005.

266
00:13:21.065 --> 00:13:23.461
Four hours a day,
five days a week,

267
00:13:23.496 --> 00:13:27.102
and it's very tough
on the vocal cords

268
00:13:27.137 --> 00:13:31.139
in the sense that
it's not creative speaking

269
00:13:31.174 --> 00:13:34.076
and you don't change
the pitch or the tone

270
00:13:34.111 --> 00:13:37.915
or the timbre
or the pacing of your voice.

271
00:13:37.950 --> 00:13:39.983
Everything has to be
read the same.

272
00:13:40.018 --> 00:13:42.084
Everything has to be
read like this.

273
00:13:42.119 --> 00:13:43.217
You're reading like this

274
00:13:43.252 --> 00:13:45.857
and you have a director
and it's very...

275
00:13:45.892 --> 00:13:48.486
It's very controlled
and very restrictive.

276
00:13:48.521 --> 00:13:51.093
I found out
that I was the voice of Siri

277
00:13:51.128 --> 00:13:54.228
because a fellow voice actor
emailed me and said,

278
00:13:54.263 --> 00:13:56.494
"Hey, we're playing around
with his new iPhone,

279
00:13:56.529 --> 00:13:58.232
isn't this you?"

280
00:13:58.267 --> 00:14:00.003
So I went on the Apple site
and I listened

281
00:14:00.038 --> 00:14:02.467
and I said, "Yes."

282
00:14:02.502 --> 00:14:04.975
"Really?"
"Yes, that's me."

283
00:14:05.010 --> 00:14:06.372
So it was very surprising.

284
00:14:06.407 --> 00:14:08.506
On the one hand,
it was extremely flattering

285
00:14:08.541 --> 00:14:14.182
to have been chosen
to be that iconic app,

286
00:14:14.217 --> 00:14:16.085
and it was iconic
because it was the first

287
00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.417
concatenated voice
that sounded human

288
00:14:18.452 --> 00:14:20.584
and that was able
to interact with you.

289
00:14:20.619 --> 00:14:23.125
So it was definitely
an iconic thing.

290
00:14:23.160 --> 00:14:25.160
So that was very flattering

291
00:14:25.195 --> 00:14:28.394
and that part of it was great,

292
00:14:28.429 --> 00:14:33.465
but it's kind of disconcerting

293
00:14:33.500 --> 00:14:35.533
to hear your voice

294
00:14:35.568 --> 00:14:37.667
in a device like that

295
00:14:37.702 --> 00:14:40.076
that's on, you know,

296
00:14:40.111 --> 00:14:43.079
distributed to millions
and millions of people,

297
00:14:43.114 --> 00:14:46.544
and without you
really knowing about it.

298
00:14:46.579 --> 00:14:49.052
Because your voice
is very personal.

299
00:14:49.087 --> 00:14:51.252
Your voice is like your face

300
00:14:51.287 --> 00:14:53.485
or your fingerprints.

301
00:14:53.520 --> 00:14:56.554
So on the one side,
it was really cool.

302
00:14:56.589 --> 00:15:00.690
On the other side, it was like
gee, that's kind of weird.

303
00:15:05.070 --> 00:15:10.106
Okay, now I think
I'll make one for Zack.

304
00:15:10.141 --> 00:15:12.174
Okay, so the pod goes down,

305
00:15:12.209 --> 00:15:13.472
go like this,

306
00:15:13.507 --> 00:15:16.706
get the amount of foam
you want by that.

307
00:15:16.741 --> 00:15:18.983
You know, how foamy you want it.

308
00:15:26.487 --> 00:15:31.160
My mother and father
were not your average people.

309
00:15:31.195 --> 00:15:33.327
They were pretty uneducated.

310
00:15:33.362 --> 00:15:38.398
My mother was very childlike
and fantasy oriented.

311
00:15:38.433 --> 00:15:42.006
She starting having me
modeling at three years old.

312
00:15:42.041 --> 00:15:44.140
One of the major lessons

313
00:15:44.175 --> 00:15:46.637
and traumatic moments in my life

314
00:15:46.672 --> 00:15:49.607
was when she had me
on Princess for a Day.

315
00:15:49.642 --> 00:15:54.150
But I didn't realize how
traumatic this experience was

316
00:15:54.185 --> 00:15:57.252
till I start writing
this book about my life.

317
00:15:57.287 --> 00:16:00.354
That's the first thing
I wrote about,

318
00:16:00.389 --> 00:16:04.556
on a quiet deck in Connecticut
in the forest.

319
00:16:04.591 --> 00:16:06.756
And I started crying
and I realized

320
00:16:06.791 --> 00:16:10.364
that this was a very sad thing

321
00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:12.234
that she had me do.

322
00:16:12.269 --> 00:16:15.369
You know, and the lesson was,
you know,

323
00:16:15.404 --> 00:16:18.240
do anything to be known
and to stand out

324
00:16:18.275 --> 00:16:20.539
and you know, lie, do anything.

325
00:16:20.574 --> 00:16:22.508
You know,
I'm not going to be happy

326
00:16:22.543 --> 00:16:25.775
unless you become a princess.

327
00:16:25.810 --> 00:16:28.382
♪

328
00:16:28.417 --> 00:16:32.254
I guess it was New Year's,
maybe it was '68.

329
00:16:32.289 --> 00:16:34.157
Our wild friend Margaret
invited us.

330
00:16:34.192 --> 00:16:36.654
I came to the party after
they left and she said to me,

331
00:16:36.689 --> 00:16:38.788
"Guess who I met at the party?"
I said, "Who?"

332
00:16:38.823 --> 00:16:42.264
She said, "I met Claude Picasso

333
00:16:42.299 --> 00:16:43.699
and I'm gonna introduce you
to him,

334
00:16:43.729 --> 00:16:45.399
and you're gonna
fall in love with him

335
00:16:45.434 --> 00:16:47.467
and he's gonna
fall in love with you."

336
00:16:47.502 --> 00:16:51.405
And then we went to the city
and Claude opened the door,

337
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:53.803
and I had never seen anybody
who looked like him.

338
00:16:53.838 --> 00:16:55.739
He was very dramatic looking.

339
00:16:55.774 --> 00:16:58.478
He looked very much
like his father, Pablo Picasso.

340
00:16:58.513 --> 00:17:01.415
And the next day,
Margaret called and said to me,

341
00:17:01.450 --> 00:17:03.384
"Claude asked me
for your phone number."

342
00:17:03.419 --> 00:17:04.715
I said, "Really?"

343
00:17:04.750 --> 00:17:10.358
So about ten minutes later,
he called me

344
00:17:10.393 --> 00:17:13.130
and he said, "I'd like
to take you to dinner."

345
00:17:13.165 --> 00:17:15.693
And I said, "Well, why don't you
come to Brooklyn for dinner?"

346
00:17:15.728 --> 00:17:18.630
Even though I didn't know
how to cook.

347
00:17:18.665 --> 00:17:20.599
He said,
"Well, where's Brooklyn?"

348
00:17:20.634 --> 00:17:24.801
And so I told him how to get
to Brooklyn on the train,

349
00:17:24.836 --> 00:17:28.475
and he came,
and we never left each other

350
00:17:28.510 --> 00:17:31.247
for the next three years.

351
00:17:31.282 --> 00:17:34.415
Well, when I introduced
my mother to Claude,

352
00:17:34.450 --> 00:17:36.351
she said, "Picass-io?"

353
00:17:36.386 --> 00:17:40.553
She had no idea
who he was or who Picasso was.

354
00:17:40.588 --> 00:17:43.787
And then I got her a book
about Picasso's sculptures.

355
00:17:43.822 --> 00:17:47.098
Then she started to realize,

356
00:17:47.133 --> 00:17:48.693
"Oh, now she's a princess.

357
00:17:48.728 --> 00:17:50.761
Yeah, this is what I wanted,
yeah,

358
00:17:50.796 --> 00:17:52.235
She did what I wanted."

359
00:17:52.270 --> 00:17:53.478
I went away
with his sister Paloma

360
00:17:53.502 --> 00:17:56.107
to an island on a vacation.

361
00:17:56.142 --> 00:17:59.473
When I came back, he said,
"I want to marry you.

362
00:17:59.508 --> 00:18:01.442
So let's go to City Hall."

363
00:18:01.477 --> 00:18:04.643
Well, it's like in New York,
you know,

364
00:18:04.678 --> 00:18:09.417
there's a group of people
who have access to each other,

365
00:18:09.452 --> 00:18:11.353
and if you're not
part of their group,

366
00:18:11.388 --> 00:18:13.520
you don't have access
into that world

367
00:18:13.555 --> 00:18:16.556
of very famous artists, wealth,

368
00:18:16.591 --> 00:18:18.624
you know, interest... writers.

369
00:18:18.659 --> 00:18:23.299
And every door had just
flung open in a second.

370
00:18:23.334 --> 00:18:26.632
But I felt something
was very empty.

371
00:18:26.667 --> 00:18:29.371
And so, I began
to feel frustrated

372
00:18:29.406 --> 00:18:32.671
and curious about other people,
other worlds.

373
00:18:32.706 --> 00:18:36.246
I didn't feel... there was
something unreal going on.

374
00:18:36.281 --> 00:18:39.381
And Claude started to get
very upset about all of this

375
00:18:39.416 --> 00:18:46.256
and threatened,
and felt that I was no longer...

376
00:18:46.291 --> 00:18:48.918
My allegiance
was no longer with him.

377
00:18:48.953 --> 00:18:55.859
And he said to me, "The student
eventually leaves the teacher."

378
00:18:55.894 --> 00:18:58.400
'Cause he knew I would leave,
yes.

379
00:18:58.435 --> 00:19:01.238
And I did.

380
00:19:06.872 --> 00:19:10.247
This was taken
probably four weeks

381
00:19:10.282 --> 00:19:12.381
after I was home
and out of the hospital

382
00:19:12.416 --> 00:19:13.811
and back in school.

383
00:19:13.846 --> 00:19:15.747
Probably four weeks.

384
00:19:15.782 --> 00:19:19.190
- That's not much.
- I was in a lot of pain.

385
00:19:19.225 --> 00:19:20.323
- Really?
- Oh my.

386
00:19:20.358 --> 00:19:21.687
You can tell, look at my face.

387
00:19:21.722 --> 00:19:23.953
It's painful looking,
and he thought

388
00:19:23.988 --> 00:19:25.889
that was because I was sad.

389
00:19:25.924 --> 00:19:28.859
I hurt so bad I couldn't hardly
stand to stand on that bridge.

390
00:19:28.894 --> 00:19:30.927
I still had ulcers
on the bottom of my feet

391
00:19:30.962 --> 00:19:32.566
about that big around.

392
00:19:32.601 --> 00:19:34.667
- I mean, did everybody know?
- Everybody figured

393
00:19:34.702 --> 00:19:36.471
that it was somebody
from the turnpike,

394
00:19:36.506 --> 00:19:38.440
because the turnpike
opened about ten years

395
00:19:38.475 --> 00:19:39.837
prior to my abduction.

396
00:19:39.872 --> 00:19:42.741
It was the most exciting
and most colorful thing

397
00:19:42.776 --> 00:19:45.315
in this whole area,
and we just assumed

398
00:19:45.350 --> 00:19:48.252
that somebody was coming off
of that network of people

399
00:19:48.287 --> 00:19:49.715
that were new in the area.

400
00:19:49.750 --> 00:19:52.256
It's a new place, new adventure,

401
00:19:52.291 --> 00:19:53.587
and he was just stalking people

402
00:19:53.622 --> 00:19:55.391
and doing terrible things.

403
00:19:55.426 --> 00:19:57.987
No one knew that he lived here.

404
00:19:58.022 --> 00:20:01.265
He said, "Now, tell me
who I am," and I did not know.

405
00:20:01.300 --> 00:20:03.597
He said, "Does 'Bicycle Pete'
mean anything to you?"

406
00:20:03.632 --> 00:20:05.412
He said, "You kids make fun
of me all the time

407
00:20:05.436 --> 00:20:06.963
on the school bus,"

408
00:20:06.998 --> 00:20:08.602
and then I knew who he was.

409
00:20:08.637 --> 00:20:10.901
♪

410
00:20:10.936 --> 00:20:14.806
"Now, your goal is to do
what I tell you to do."

411
00:20:14.841 --> 00:20:17.413
And I go to him one... this is
like the third or fourth day,

412
00:20:17.448 --> 00:20:19.514
I said,
"What is it you want me to do?"

413
00:20:19.549 --> 00:20:21.912
He said,
"Do you know how to drive?"

414
00:20:21.947 --> 00:20:23.551
I said, "Yeah."

415
00:20:23.586 --> 00:20:26.488
I had had no driving training,

416
00:20:26.523 --> 00:20:28.886
but I figured it was
a survival technique.

417
00:20:28.921 --> 00:20:32.626
I have to do this,
I'm gonna have to figure it out.

418
00:20:32.661 --> 00:20:35.332
And his goal
was to get to the golden egg,

419
00:20:35.367 --> 00:20:36.894
and I had no clue what that was.

420
00:20:36.929 --> 00:20:39.270
I'd never heard
that phrase before.

421
00:20:39.305 --> 00:20:42.900
And during the conversation
of three or four days

422
00:20:42.935 --> 00:20:45.540
of him screaming
and yelling at me,

423
00:20:45.575 --> 00:20:47.377
I realized
what the golden egg was.

424
00:20:47.412 --> 00:20:49.280
It was the turnpike,
and I learned that

425
00:20:49.315 --> 00:20:52.382
when we got to Sidneys Knob.

426
00:20:52.417 --> 00:20:54.010
There's a cave there on the top

427
00:20:54.045 --> 00:20:56.012
which overlooks the turnpike.

428
00:20:56.047 --> 00:20:59.620
♪

429
00:20:59.655 --> 00:21:00.929
And inside the cave,
he said "Reach in there

430
00:21:00.953 --> 00:21:02.953
and get me that can,
and don't do nothing else,

431
00:21:02.988 --> 00:21:05.956
'cause I'll shoot you
right in the back."

432
00:21:05.991 --> 00:21:08.794
And I pulled out this can
and it was an old rusty can

433
00:21:08.829 --> 00:21:10.664
and it had been there
a long time.

434
00:21:10.699 --> 00:21:12.336
He took an old rusty
hunting knife

435
00:21:12.371 --> 00:21:14.668
and he charred it open
with the knife and he goes,

436
00:21:14.703 --> 00:21:16.901
"Well, I guess you're gonna
eat today, blue eyes."

437
00:21:16.936 --> 00:21:19.739
And he put three peas on
the blade of a hunting knife

438
00:21:19.774 --> 00:21:22.478
and stuck them in the back of
my throat and turned the knife.

439
00:21:22.513 --> 00:21:23.743
Said, "Can you feel that?"

440
00:21:23.778 --> 00:21:24.822
And I said,
"Yeah, I can feel that."

441
00:21:24.846 --> 00:21:26.328
And he said, "Well,
blood can come at any time,

442
00:21:26.352 --> 00:21:28.418
you better swallow."

443
00:21:28.453 --> 00:21:31.817
And that's the only food that
I recall ever having or seeing.

444
00:21:31.852 --> 00:21:36.624
♪

445
00:21:36.659 --> 00:21:39.924
Every day was more violent
than the day before,

446
00:21:39.959 --> 00:21:44.566
and the more intense it got
when he killed Terry Anderson,

447
00:21:44.601 --> 00:21:47.503
the anger and the beatings
and his demeanor

448
00:21:47.538 --> 00:21:50.836
changed completely on day seven.

449
00:21:50.871 --> 00:21:53.839
And he shot Terry Anderson
within 18 feet of me.

450
00:21:53.874 --> 00:21:55.643
♪

451
00:21:55.678 --> 00:21:57.645
Terry Anderson was an FBI agent

452
00:21:57.680 --> 00:22:00.076
who was sent here for the search
from Philadelphia.

453
00:22:00.111 --> 00:22:02.012
He was 44 years old.

454
00:22:02.047 --> 00:22:03.585
♪

455
00:22:03.620 --> 00:22:05.114
He was the father of four.

456
00:22:05.149 --> 00:22:09.019
♪

457
00:22:09.054 --> 00:22:11.626
And after that happened,

458
00:22:11.661 --> 00:22:14.596
Hollenbaugh's rage
was manifested

459
00:22:14.631 --> 00:22:17.995
to really out of control.

460
00:22:18.030 --> 00:22:22.131
He was running around
talking in tongues.

461
00:22:22.166 --> 00:22:26.806
It was like a raging maniac.

462
00:22:26.841 --> 00:22:31.712
He had such an evil mind
of just killing people.

463
00:22:31.747 --> 00:22:35.584
"You saw me kill one,
I'll kill more."

464
00:22:35.619 --> 00:22:39.489
That was the day... seventh day

465
00:22:39.524 --> 00:22:42.052
that I was with
William Hollenbaugh.

466
00:22:42.087 --> 00:22:43.856
The following day, I was rescued

467
00:22:43.891 --> 00:22:46.496
and Mr. Hollenbaugh was killed.

468
00:22:46.531 --> 00:22:49.092
He was shot immediately
by the officer

469
00:22:49.127 --> 00:22:51.435
who came from behind the house.

470
00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:53.998
And that's end of story here.

471
00:22:54.033 --> 00:22:58.937
♪

472
00:23:06.782 --> 00:23:10.047
I am very lucky
that I graduated from college

473
00:23:10.082 --> 00:23:13.182
at a moment when
doors were opening for women.

474
00:23:13.217 --> 00:23:15.525
When I talk to young women,
they have no idea that there

475
00:23:15.560 --> 00:23:18.561
was time women couldn't get
credit cards in their names,

476
00:23:18.596 --> 00:23:22.092
or when there couldn't be
a women CEO, or you know.

477
00:23:22.127 --> 00:23:25.700
So lots and lots of doors
opened up,

478
00:23:25.735 --> 00:23:27.603
both for me as a woman

479
00:23:27.638 --> 00:23:29.638
and as an African American.

480
00:23:30.476 --> 00:23:31.805
When I was at Columbia,

481
00:23:31.840 --> 00:23:33.939
my advisor Phyllis Garland

482
00:23:33.974 --> 00:23:36.513
was the only Black woman
on the faculty.

483
00:23:36.548 --> 00:23:38.845
We were talking about
what my topic was going to be,

484
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:40.913
and I gave her
some really clichéd,

485
00:23:40.948 --> 00:23:43.916
unimaginative kinds of topics.

486
00:23:43.951 --> 00:23:45.786
Like Fulton Fish Market,
you know,

487
00:23:45.821 --> 00:23:47.227
something that a girl
who hadn't grown up in New York

488
00:23:47.251 --> 00:23:50.692
would think, "Nobody's
ever done this before!"

489
00:23:50.727 --> 00:23:52.166
And at the end
of the conversation,

490
00:23:52.190 --> 00:23:55.730
Phyl said to me, "You know,
your name is A'Lelia,

491
00:23:55.765 --> 00:23:58.568
do you have any connection
to Madam Walker

492
00:23:58.603 --> 00:23:59.734
and A'Lelia Walker,

493
00:23:59.769 --> 00:24:01.131
Madam Walker's daughter?"

494
00:24:01.166 --> 00:24:03.133
And I'm like,
"Yeah, that's my family."

495
00:24:03.168 --> 00:24:05.069
Because, you know,
I wanted to be me.

496
00:24:05.104 --> 00:24:09.172
I didn't want to be somebody's
great-great-granddaughter only

497
00:24:09.207 --> 00:24:11.042
and that was my only identity.

498
00:24:11.077 --> 00:24:12.989
But I said, "Yeah, that's
my family," and Phyl said,

499
00:24:13.013 --> 00:24:15.244
"That's what you're going
to write your paper about."

500
00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:17.785
So that's the fall of 1975.

501
00:24:17.820 --> 00:24:19.787
I mean, that was, you know,

502
00:24:19.822 --> 00:24:21.228
there was nobody else
saying to me, "A'Lelia,

503
00:24:21.252 --> 00:24:22.999
this is really an
important story and you need

504
00:24:23.023 --> 00:24:25.694
to write a book and somebody's
gonna publish a book."

505
00:24:25.729 --> 00:24:27.564
But Phyl sort of
planted that seed,

506
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.764
so I had begun
to do some research.

507
00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:31.601
I'm still really...
I gotta make money.

508
00:24:31.636 --> 00:24:34.263
I didn't inherit, you know...
I didn't have a trust fund.

509
00:24:34.298 --> 00:24:39.070
So I was able to get
a fellowship from NBC

510
00:24:39.105 --> 00:24:42.612
that NBC sponsored,
and that gave me

511
00:24:42.647 --> 00:24:46.011
a little foot in the door
at NBC.

512
00:24:46.046 --> 00:24:51.753
So when I finished,
I was hired by NBC.

513
00:24:51.788 --> 00:24:53.689
You know,
it was an interesting time

514
00:24:53.724 --> 00:24:55.724
because it was... you never knew

515
00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:56.923
what any day was going to be.

516
00:24:56.958 --> 00:24:59.662
I kept a suitcase packed
in my car.

517
00:24:59.697 --> 00:25:01.928
So you could be, you know,
in the middle of the night,

518
00:25:01.963 --> 00:25:06.295
you get a call and you run
to the private airport

519
00:25:06.330 --> 00:25:08.099
and jump on a plane,
and you didn't know

520
00:25:08.134 --> 00:25:11.234
where you were going to be
for the next week or so.

521
00:25:11.269 --> 00:25:13.302
I flew into Memphis.

522
00:25:13.337 --> 00:25:16.646
At the time, I had a big afro,

523
00:25:16.681 --> 00:25:18.175
and I went to
the rental car place,

524
00:25:18.210 --> 00:25:21.145
and the only car available
was a red Camaro.

525
00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:25.149
So I'm driving from Memphis
to Mississippi.

526
00:25:25.184 --> 00:25:27.789
I've never been
in Mississippi before.

527
00:25:27.824 --> 00:25:29.725
But it's a beautiful spring day.

528
00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:32.893
It's a beautiful place,
the wildflowers are blooming,

529
00:25:32.928 --> 00:25:35.093
I see a cardinal fly across,
I'm thinking,

530
00:25:35.128 --> 00:25:36.930
"Mississippi,
all these horrible things

531
00:25:36.965 --> 00:25:39.801
I've heard about Mississippi,
what a beautiful place.

532
00:25:39.836 --> 00:25:41.132
How ironic this is."

533
00:25:41.167 --> 00:25:44.608
So I arrive in Tupelo
in my red Camaro,

534
00:25:44.643 --> 00:25:48.073
and you know, again,
at that point, no cellphones.

535
00:25:48.108 --> 00:25:49.811
So I needed to make
a phone call.

536
00:25:49.846 --> 00:25:50.988
You have to call
the New York desk

537
00:25:51.012 --> 00:25:52.946
to tell them where you are,

538
00:25:52.981 --> 00:25:55.751
and the one place to make
the phone call was a pool hall

539
00:25:55.786 --> 00:25:57.049
with a Coca-Cola machine

540
00:25:57.084 --> 00:25:59.986
and a bunch of old boys
standing around.

541
00:26:00.021 --> 00:26:02.351
But my camera guys
came in with me,

542
00:26:02.386 --> 00:26:04.056
I made my phone call.

543
00:26:04.091 --> 00:26:07.224
That evening,
we went to cover the rally.

544
00:26:07.259 --> 00:26:10.997
That was probably one
of the pivotal moments for me

545
00:26:11.032 --> 00:26:14.363
that I, you know,
I knew that I was safe

546
00:26:14.398 --> 00:26:17.003
because I was with people
who were watching out for me,

547
00:26:17.038 --> 00:26:20.336
but it was also something
that was very frightening.

548
00:26:20.371 --> 00:26:23.141
But it was really
an experience for me

549
00:26:23.176 --> 00:26:24.945
to say, you know,
you're a journalist.

550
00:26:24.980 --> 00:26:28.047
You're supposed to be able
to go into a war zone,

551
00:26:28.082 --> 00:26:29.664
you're supposed to be able
to go into a place

552
00:26:29.688 --> 00:26:32.249
that's uncomfortable
and you have to figure out

553
00:26:32.284 --> 00:26:34.350
how to navigate it.

554
00:26:34.385 --> 00:26:37.925
I covered the child murders
in Atlanta.

555
00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:40.125
I was the lead producer on that.

556
00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:44.965
I then was a producer on
the Jesse Jackson campaign

557
00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:47.165
and on
the Geraldine Ferraro campaign.

558
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:49.772
So I was doing, you know,
I was making my way

559
00:26:49.807 --> 00:26:52.170
up the ladder.

560
00:26:54.009 --> 00:26:57.714
This was summer of 1976.

561
00:26:57.749 --> 00:27:01.047
Women had just sued Newsweek

562
00:27:01.082 --> 00:27:03.313
and they had sued NBC and ABC,

563
00:27:03.348 --> 00:27:06.382
because women,
young women were hired

564
00:27:06.417 --> 00:27:08.758
as secretaries or researchers

565
00:27:08.793 --> 00:27:10.287
and they stayed at that level,

566
00:27:10.322 --> 00:27:15.061
and young men would be hired
as associate producers

567
00:27:15.096 --> 00:27:17.965
or desk assistants and then
they would become producers.

568
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:20.330
And so,
a new bureau chief came in

569
00:27:20.365 --> 00:27:23.036
and he had been replaced

570
00:27:23.071 --> 00:27:26.039
by the first Black woman
bureau chief.

571
00:27:26.074 --> 00:27:27.777
We just really clashed.

572
00:27:27.812 --> 00:27:30.813
This guy really, he was mad
because he had been replaced

573
00:27:30.848 --> 00:27:32.243
by a Black woman.

574
00:27:32.278 --> 00:27:34.377
I was ready to quit.

575
00:27:36.216 --> 00:27:38.084
♪

576
00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:40.724
I feel that these days,
there's probably

577
00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:43.727
a more equal mix, but for sure,

578
00:27:43.762 --> 00:27:48.193
you know, the art world,
like the rest of the world is,

579
00:27:48.228 --> 00:27:51.130
has always traditionally been
more male oriented.

580
00:27:51.165 --> 00:27:54.133
I think that's
no secret to anyone.

581
00:27:54.168 --> 00:27:59.369
I've always wanted to have
a very diverse studio

582
00:27:59.404 --> 00:28:04.814
that's able to explore all
kinds of different techniques,

583
00:28:04.849 --> 00:28:07.311
use all kinds of
different materials.

584
00:28:07.346 --> 00:28:11.447
And this is actually
how big he was.

585
00:28:11.482 --> 00:28:15.286
This is his life size,
like, they very meticulously

586
00:28:15.321 --> 00:28:19.191
recorded all
of his measurements.

587
00:28:19.226 --> 00:28:22.997
And I even had
like xeroxes of his hands

588
00:28:23.032 --> 00:28:25.494
so we knew how big
his hands were.

589
00:28:25.529 --> 00:28:26.495
It's pretty amazing right?

590
00:28:26.530 --> 00:28:28.739
- Stand next... yeah, that's great.
- Look at that.

591
00:28:28.774 --> 00:28:33.040
I mean, I have big hands,
but look at that.

592
00:28:33.075 --> 00:28:36.142
Pretty crazy, right?

593
00:28:36.177 --> 00:28:38.045
Then I had,
you know, one assistant

594
00:28:38.080 --> 00:28:41.015
for a couple of years
and then it just,

595
00:28:41.050 --> 00:28:44.315
you know, we got bigger projects
and needed more people

596
00:28:44.350 --> 00:28:47.285
and it just sort of grew
over the years.

597
00:28:47.320 --> 00:28:51.124
We did a project for Lady Gaga
a couple of years ago

598
00:28:51.159 --> 00:28:54.391
that was part of her
Fame perfume launch.

599
00:28:54.426 --> 00:28:55.997
We've done a few projects
for her.

600
00:28:56.032 --> 00:28:58.395
So now we've got this challenge.

601
00:28:58.430 --> 00:29:03.103
We need to make this
giant transparent egg shape,

602
00:29:03.138 --> 00:29:04.808
like her perfume bottle,

603
00:29:04.843 --> 00:29:08.009
that also sits in a carriage

604
00:29:08.044 --> 00:29:09.472
that she can get in and out of

605
00:29:09.507 --> 00:29:12.046
and there's a scene inside it,
you know.

606
00:29:12.081 --> 00:29:15.082
And it's all attached
to this actual carriage

607
00:29:15.117 --> 00:29:18.888
that is being shipped to us
from Los Angeles.

608
00:29:18.923 --> 00:29:20.285
And when it gets here,

609
00:29:20.320 --> 00:29:23.321
is going to be drawn
by an actual horse.

610
00:29:24.995 --> 00:29:27.061
So it's just like,
whoa, you know,

611
00:29:27.096 --> 00:29:28.436
and all this
has to come together

612
00:29:28.460 --> 00:29:32.297
in like ten days.

613
00:29:32.332 --> 00:29:37.302
All my cumulative experience
and experience making, you know,

614
00:29:37.337 --> 00:29:38.348
all kinds of different things

615
00:29:38.372 --> 00:29:42.109
kind of informed who I am
and what I am today

616
00:29:42.144 --> 00:29:44.012
and what I am interested
in doing

617
00:29:44.047 --> 00:29:45.310
or not interested in doing.

618
00:29:45.345 --> 00:29:47.180
It's fun to have stuff here
in the city

619
00:29:47.215 --> 00:29:51.118
that people can actually see
and experience.

620
00:29:51.153 --> 00:29:53.186
So in Phase 3 of the High Line,

621
00:29:53.221 --> 00:29:57.927
we were asked by Diller Scofidio
& Renfro, the architects,

622
00:29:57.962 --> 00:30:01.128
to help them develop
a rubber material

623
00:30:01.163 --> 00:30:03.328
that resembled the beam forms

624
00:30:03.363 --> 00:30:06.969
and create a couple of levels

625
00:30:07.004 --> 00:30:08.597
and sort of in-and-out areas

626
00:30:08.632 --> 00:30:11.941
so that kids could use it
as a play area.

627
00:30:11.976 --> 00:30:15.010
Underneath all these pieces
of rubber that we made

628
00:30:15.045 --> 00:30:18.442
are part of the original beam
structure of the High Line.

629
00:30:18.477 --> 00:30:23.249
Then they cut through
and made this second level here

630
00:30:23.284 --> 00:30:25.614
so the kids could
sort of go in and out.

631
00:30:25.649 --> 00:30:26.890
They have all these openings

632
00:30:26.925 --> 00:30:28.254
they can climb around,

633
00:30:28.289 --> 00:30:30.091
and then there
are periscopes also

634
00:30:30.126 --> 00:30:33.028
that you can see different views
of the city through.

635
00:30:33.063 --> 00:30:35.327
Even though I always wanted to,
you know,

636
00:30:35.362 --> 00:30:38.869
live in different places
and experience different things,

637
00:30:38.904 --> 00:30:41.971
I never really questioned
what I wanted to do.

638
00:30:42.006 --> 00:30:46.877
You know, so that was always
very crystal clear to me.

639
00:30:51.543 --> 00:30:59.543
♪

640
00:31:10.034 --> 00:31:18.034
♪

641
00:31:24.411 --> 00:31:27.313
Lake Champlain
was always down the hill

642
00:31:27.348 --> 00:31:30.415
and we could see it
from the top of the hill

643
00:31:30.450 --> 00:31:32.494
and we would always walk down
to the lake at look at it

644
00:31:32.518 --> 00:31:35.420
and sometimes
we'd go swimming and stuff.

645
00:31:35.455 --> 00:31:37.488
I ended up working there summers

646
00:31:37.523 --> 00:31:40.359
when I was going
to veterinary school.

647
00:31:40.394 --> 00:31:42.163
I looked at the lake and said,

648
00:31:42.198 --> 00:31:44.429
"I think I want
to swim across that."

649
00:31:44.464 --> 00:31:47.432
That crossing is like
between eight and nine miles.

650
00:31:47.467 --> 00:31:49.533
So we went and did
our little adventure

651
00:31:49.568 --> 00:31:53.570
and swam across Lake Champlain
in August of 1977.

652
00:31:53.605 --> 00:31:56.474
So I think that's the first time
that it entered my head

653
00:31:56.509 --> 00:31:58.949
that I wanted to swim
across something.

654
00:31:58.984 --> 00:32:01.446
♪

655
00:32:01.481 --> 00:32:04.053
My first job as a veterinarian
was in Vermont.

656
00:32:04.088 --> 00:32:05.197
It was in the northern part
of Vermont

657
00:32:05.221 --> 00:32:07.023
in a town called Newport.

658
00:32:07.058 --> 00:32:08.431
There were farms
that I would go to

659
00:32:08.455 --> 00:32:10.323
where I wouldn't be allowed
out of the truck.

660
00:32:10.358 --> 00:32:11.599
I'd be met at the truck
by the famer

661
00:32:11.623 --> 00:32:13.326
and he would tell me
to just leave

662
00:32:13.361 --> 00:32:16.065
and I would counter that with,

663
00:32:16.100 --> 00:32:19.068
"So you're going
to just let the cow die

664
00:32:19.103 --> 00:32:20.498
and not have anyone
look at her?"

665
00:32:20.533 --> 00:32:23.633
And he says that he would
prefer that to having me.

666
00:32:23.668 --> 00:32:28.176
After three years, the
veterinarian I was working for

667
00:32:28.211 --> 00:32:30.475
decided to finally
have a contract drawn up.

668
00:32:30.510 --> 00:32:33.082
Some of the stipulations
in the document

669
00:32:33.117 --> 00:32:34.512
weren't what I was expecting.

670
00:32:34.547 --> 00:32:36.448
The lawyer
that I was consulting said,

671
00:32:36.483 --> 00:32:40.221
"Well, if you take a stand
because you feel this strongly,

672
00:32:40.256 --> 00:32:41.497
what's the worst
that could happen to you?"

673
00:32:41.521 --> 00:32:42.696
And I said,
"Well, I could lose my job,"

674
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:46.227
and that's exactly
what happened.

675
00:32:46.262 --> 00:32:47.756
I was five months pregnant

676
00:32:47.791 --> 00:32:51.001
so I was going to have a baby
at the end of that year

677
00:32:51.036 --> 00:32:55.236
and I started working out
of my living room,

678
00:32:55.271 --> 00:32:56.446
you know,
taking large animal calls

679
00:32:56.470 --> 00:32:58.107
and having people come see me.

680
00:32:58.142 --> 00:32:59.669
Then toward the end
of that year,

681
00:32:59.704 --> 00:33:03.013
I talked to my in-laws
who ran a business

682
00:33:03.048 --> 00:33:05.378
called Martin's Snack Bar

683
00:33:05.413 --> 00:33:07.160
and said, you know,
what would you think about me

684
00:33:07.184 --> 00:33:09.415
turning that
into an animal hospital?

685
00:33:09.450 --> 00:33:10.779
♪

686
00:33:10.814 --> 00:33:14.255
It was one of those things
where I think the moment

687
00:33:14.290 --> 00:33:16.389
was driven by necessity.

688
00:33:16.424 --> 00:33:18.259
I just was responsive,

689
00:33:18.294 --> 00:33:20.756
I didn't really have
a lot of background

690
00:33:20.791 --> 00:33:22.131
in running a business.

691
00:33:22.166 --> 00:33:24.397
So I basically figured
I'd enrolled

692
00:33:24.432 --> 00:33:26.795
in the school of hard knocks.

693
00:33:26.830 --> 00:33:31.668
Because you do make these
bad decisions or mistakes

694
00:33:31.703 --> 00:33:34.374
because you just don't know
any better.

695
00:33:34.409 --> 00:33:36.805
One example, which is
a very minor example is,

696
00:33:36.840 --> 00:33:41.150
I got employees, and there's
this thing called withholding.

697
00:33:41.185 --> 00:33:43.053
And then,
after a little bit of time,

698
00:33:43.088 --> 00:33:45.154
the government wants
what you withheld, and I said,

699
00:33:45.189 --> 00:33:47.486
"Oh. Where is that?"

700
00:33:48.753 --> 00:33:50.819
We grew steadily.

701
00:33:50.854 --> 00:33:52.524
We started getting busier,

702
00:33:52.559 --> 00:33:56.759
and then I had
a veterinarian call who said,

703
00:33:56.794 --> 00:34:00.565
"Are you looking
for another veterinarian?"

704
00:34:00.600 --> 00:34:04.371
I said to her,
"Oh, what an interesting idea."

705
00:34:04.406 --> 00:34:07.836
So we did keep on growing.

706
00:34:07.871 --> 00:34:11.147
It was always steadily growing,

707
00:34:11.182 --> 00:34:12.643
and it was 15 years

708
00:34:12.678 --> 00:34:16.185
when we decided to expand
into a bigger building.

709
00:34:16.220 --> 00:34:18.649
♪

710
00:34:18.684 --> 00:34:22.125
During my young childrearing
and building the practice,

711
00:34:22.160 --> 00:34:24.523
I wasn't swimming
nearly as much as I do now.

712
00:34:24.558 --> 00:34:26.459
♪

713
00:34:26.494 --> 00:34:29.132
I think back then,
I might have been too busy

714
00:34:29.167 --> 00:34:31.563
to swim as much as I do now.

715
00:34:31.598 --> 00:34:33.367
When I told my husband
I was going to swim

716
00:34:33.402 --> 00:34:34.797
the English Channel, he says,

717
00:34:34.832 --> 00:34:39.373
"Uh, Paula,
that window has closed for you."

718
00:34:39.408 --> 00:34:41.606
And I said,
"What does that mean?"

719
00:34:41.641 --> 00:34:43.476
He says, "Well, you're too old

720
00:34:43.511 --> 00:34:46.314
to do something like that."

721
00:34:56.887 --> 00:34:59.855
I want to say something.

722
00:34:59.890 --> 00:35:03.199
I don't want to make
any mistakes.

723
00:35:03.234 --> 00:35:05.795
It's too important.

724
00:35:05.830 --> 00:35:07.632
Why can't I get
what's in my head

725
00:35:07.667 --> 00:35:09.172
out to my voice?

726
00:35:09.207 --> 00:35:12.373
You mean, our voice.

727
00:35:12.408 --> 00:35:14.276
Our voice.

728
00:35:14.311 --> 00:35:18.742
Begin with the truth.

729
00:35:18.777 --> 00:35:21.679
What if I don't have
anything to say?

730
00:35:21.714 --> 00:35:23.394
What if they listen
to what I have to say

731
00:35:23.419 --> 00:35:27.652
and hate it?

732
00:35:27.687 --> 00:35:29.423
Colette wants.

733
00:35:29.458 --> 00:35:31.293
Colette wants...

734
00:35:31.328 --> 00:35:32.525
you to listen to her,

735
00:35:32.560 --> 00:35:33.757
pay attention to her

736
00:35:33.792 --> 00:35:38.927
and consider her ideas
and opinions legitimate.

737
00:35:38.962 --> 00:35:43.404
Colette wants people
to stop bullshitting her.

738
00:35:43.439 --> 00:35:45.571
Colette wants you
to forget how old she is

739
00:35:45.606 --> 00:35:48.277
and remember how young
her mind is.

740
00:35:48.312 --> 00:35:50.510
♪

741
00:35:50.545 --> 00:35:52.710
This is me in Sweden.

742
00:35:55.715 --> 00:35:58.485
Yeah, that was
the beginning of the year.

743
00:35:58.520 --> 00:36:00.916
So my junior high school
and high school years

744
00:36:00.951 --> 00:36:05.822
were my quest to find people
I belonged with.

745
00:36:05.857 --> 00:36:07.428
People who were like me,

746
00:36:07.463 --> 00:36:09.364
who would accept me.

747
00:36:09.399 --> 00:36:12.301
Because the cheerleaders

748
00:36:12.336 --> 00:36:13.566
and the football players

749
00:36:13.601 --> 00:36:15.535
and the, you know,

750
00:36:15.570 --> 00:36:18.472
the larger population was...

751
00:36:18.507 --> 00:36:22.971
I was nobody,
and so I was always trying to be

752
00:36:23.006 --> 00:36:25.578
accepted and fit in.

753
00:36:25.613 --> 00:36:27.778
I didn't embrace being different

754
00:36:27.813 --> 00:36:30.319
until much, much later
in my life.

755
00:36:30.354 --> 00:36:32.651
♪

756
00:36:32.686 --> 00:36:36.358
I applied to be
an exchange student

757
00:36:36.393 --> 00:36:38.525
because I wanted to leave home.

758
00:36:38.560 --> 00:36:42.298
I saw it as a way
to get out of Dodge.

759
00:36:42.333 --> 00:36:43.827
I went to Sweden.

760
00:36:43.862 --> 00:36:45.994
I lived in Gothenburg

761
00:36:46.029 --> 00:36:48.766
but it's pronounced in Swedish
<i>Göteborg.</i>

762
00:36:48.801 --> 00:36:52.869
And I didn't mind
being the outsider.

763
00:36:52.904 --> 00:36:55.740
Before I went to Sweden,
I wanted to fit in.

764
00:36:55.775 --> 00:36:58.842
When I came back from Sweden,
I didn't care.

765
00:36:58.877 --> 00:37:01.680
I think being
an exchange student,

766
00:37:01.715 --> 00:37:05.255
even though I made
some errors in judgment

767
00:37:05.290 --> 00:37:10.293
over that year, showed me

768
00:37:10.328 --> 00:37:12.361
using your imagination,

769
00:37:12.396 --> 00:37:14.528
you could accomplish a lot.

770
00:37:14.563 --> 00:37:16.332
That was the first place
I ever went

771
00:37:16.367 --> 00:37:18.466
where I was embraced,

772
00:37:18.501 --> 00:37:22.371
and I wasn't looked down on

773
00:37:22.406 --> 00:37:23.768
for being different.

774
00:37:23.803 --> 00:37:25.968
♪

775
00:37:26.003 --> 00:37:31.743
I ended up getting my degree
in fine arts, in drawing.

776
00:37:31.778 --> 00:37:33.679
I was assisting an art director

777
00:37:33.714 --> 00:37:35.780
on a magazine at Rodale Press.

778
00:37:35.815 --> 00:37:38.046
I worked as an artist,
a board artist

779
00:37:38.081 --> 00:37:40.785
for New Jersey Magazine.

780
00:37:40.820 --> 00:37:42.523
I knew that's not
what I wanted to do

781
00:37:42.558 --> 00:37:44.954
for the rest of my life was art.

782
00:37:44.989 --> 00:37:48.529
I took an acting class
and that was it.

783
00:37:48.564 --> 00:37:50.399
I knew immediately.

784
00:37:50.434 --> 00:37:52.434
I was in the classroom
for an hour

785
00:37:52.469 --> 00:37:55.338
and it was like,
I found my passion.

786
00:37:55.373 --> 00:37:56.504
That's it.

787
00:37:56.539 --> 00:37:58.066
Long story short, I got accepted

788
00:37:58.101 --> 00:38:00.805
into the first graduating class

789
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:05.612
of the Masters
of Fine Arts program

790
00:38:05.647 --> 00:38:07.647
at the Actors Studio
Drama School

791
00:38:07.682 --> 00:38:08.714
at The New School.

792
00:38:08.749 --> 00:38:09.682
And that's where I went.

793
00:38:09.717 --> 00:38:11.882
I graduated in 1997

794
00:38:11.917 --> 00:38:15.050
and I was the first class that
graduated from that program,

795
00:38:15.085 --> 00:38:18.020
which is now pretty
well established.

796
00:38:18.055 --> 00:38:21.958
All my acting teachers
were trained by Lee Strasberg.

797
00:38:21.993 --> 00:38:24.499
So they had to study with him
and they also had to be

798
00:38:24.534 --> 00:38:27.832
members of the Actors Studio,
which is a very closed club.

799
00:38:27.867 --> 00:38:30.604
Then, we would have
master classes

800
00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:32.804
with people like Estelle Parsons

801
00:38:32.839 --> 00:38:35.543
and John Patrick Shanley,

802
00:38:35.578 --> 00:38:37.710
who is a playwright
that I admire

803
00:38:37.745 --> 00:38:40.713
and was mesmerized by him.

804
00:38:40.748 --> 00:38:43.683
Sydney Pollack and Sidney Lumet

805
00:38:43.718 --> 00:38:46.114
and Sally Field
and Jessica Lange,

806
00:38:46.149 --> 00:38:50.756
and Paul Newman, who I got to do
a scene with in graduate...

807
00:38:50.791 --> 00:38:52.791
I mean, it was like...

808
00:38:52.826 --> 00:38:54.892
You couldn't ask
for anything better.

809
00:38:54.927 --> 00:38:58.599
♪

810
00:38:58.634 --> 00:39:02.900
I try not to say
"I'm sorry" anymore,

811
00:39:02.935 --> 00:39:05.903
and sometimes I do let it slip,

812
00:39:05.938 --> 00:39:07.707
and then I say, "I'm not sorry."

813
00:39:07.742 --> 00:39:10.611
I give myself more permission.

814
00:39:10.646 --> 00:39:14.549
I, uh, I say "no" more

815
00:39:14.584 --> 00:39:16.947
to things I really don't want,

816
00:39:16.982 --> 00:39:18.652
and I say "yes" more

817
00:39:18.687 --> 00:39:22.150
to things I really do want.

818
00:39:22.185 --> 00:39:24.625
We're taught

819
00:39:24.660 --> 00:39:26.660
from a very early age as women

820
00:39:26.695 --> 00:39:29.091
what's wrong with us,

821
00:39:29.126 --> 00:39:31.830
and I try to embrace

822
00:39:31.865 --> 00:39:34.096
what's right with me.

823
00:39:34.131 --> 00:39:35.900
♪

824
00:39:35.935 --> 00:39:40.608
So, that leads me
to where I am now...

825
00:39:40.643 --> 00:39:44.106
a show for the Philadelphia
Fringe Festival.

826
00:39:44.141 --> 00:39:49.144
♪

827
00:39:49.179 --> 00:39:50.849
It's a very special
place to live.

828
00:39:50.884 --> 00:39:53.786
You feel like you're in New York
and not in New York, you know,

829
00:39:53.821 --> 00:39:56.657
and, um, I like it.

830
00:39:56.692 --> 00:39:58.692
I like the contrast, you know.

831
00:39:58.727 --> 00:40:02.498
I guess maybe getting older,
you do want something

832
00:40:02.533 --> 00:40:04.698
sometimes more peaceful.

833
00:40:07.835 --> 00:40:11.166
That might be one of
the indicators of my age.

834
00:40:12.873 --> 00:40:15.511
There was a certain power
to having that name.

835
00:40:15.546 --> 00:40:17.810
And giving up that power,

836
00:40:17.845 --> 00:40:21.979
I didn't know exactly
who I was going to become.

837
00:40:22.014 --> 00:40:24.883
And I knew I wanted to
give the name Picasso up,

838
00:40:24.918 --> 00:40:26.819
and several people said,
"Don't give that up!

839
00:40:26.854 --> 00:40:30.218
You can sell things,
it could be to your advantage."

840
00:40:30.253 --> 00:40:35.828
And there could... there were
advantages to keeping the name.

841
00:40:35.863 --> 00:40:37.896
Andy Warhol couldn't
believe that I was...

842
00:40:37.931 --> 00:40:38.942
Wanted to give up the name.

843
00:40:38.966 --> 00:40:41.900
You know, there was
something that was missing

844
00:40:41.935 --> 00:40:44.001
that I wasn't really

845
00:40:44.036 --> 00:40:45.805
totally connected

846
00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:48.137
with who I really am.

847
00:40:48.172 --> 00:40:52.977
And so, I eventually met
my second husband,

848
00:40:53.012 --> 00:40:53.945
Bill Lavner.

849
00:40:53.980 --> 00:40:57.113
Well, we were working
at the same office.

850
00:40:57.148 --> 00:41:01.821
These neighborhood little
directories, uh, bluebooks.

851
00:41:01.856 --> 00:41:04.219
Bill and I got married,

852
00:41:04.254 --> 00:41:06.694
and we had this...
Uh, we lived in the Village,

853
00:41:06.729 --> 00:41:08.025
and Bill was a publisher,

854
00:41:08.060 --> 00:41:11.963
and we had this

855
00:41:11.998 --> 00:41:12.700
very nice life.

856
00:41:12.735 --> 00:41:13.899
We traveled.

857
00:41:13.934 --> 00:41:16.165
He was brilliant
at frequent flier miles,

858
00:41:16.200 --> 00:41:18.002
so we traveled around the world.

859
00:41:18.037 --> 00:41:21.808
We eventually found
my children's birth parents

860
00:41:21.843 --> 00:41:23.843
and went to Korea.

861
00:41:23.878 --> 00:41:28.177
Now the children were 16 and 14,

862
00:41:28.212 --> 00:41:32.522
and my husband
started to walk funny.

863
00:41:32.557 --> 00:41:35.591
So the next day he went
to St. Vincent's Hospital,

864
00:41:35.626 --> 00:41:38.286
and the operation showed that

865
00:41:38.321 --> 00:41:40.959
he had a tumor on his spine,

866
00:41:40.994 --> 00:41:43.258
and it would have to be removed

867
00:41:43.293 --> 00:41:47.867
in a special operation.

868
00:41:47.902 --> 00:41:49.770
Eventually, we went
to another hospital,

869
00:41:49.805 --> 00:41:54.302
and something happened
during the operation.

870
00:41:54.337 --> 00:41:57.107
There was an accident, and, um,

871
00:41:57.142 --> 00:41:59.307
he was paralyzed.

872
00:41:59.342 --> 00:42:02.783
And, I went home,

873
00:42:02.818 --> 00:42:06.116
poured myself some
hot milk and cognac,

874
00:42:06.151 --> 00:42:07.623
drank it,

875
00:42:07.658 --> 00:42:09.020
went to sleep.

876
00:42:09.055 --> 00:42:12.089
And the next day,
I began my new life.

877
00:42:21.936 --> 00:42:29.936
♪

878
00:42:30.945 --> 00:42:33.044
So I said to my husband,

879
00:42:33.079 --> 00:42:36.751
"Guess what? I'm gonna join
the Sun City Poms."

880
00:42:36.786 --> 00:42:39.215
He looked at me, and he said,

881
00:42:39.250 --> 00:42:42.152
"Over my dead body!"

882
00:42:42.187 --> 00:42:45.661
Well, unfortunately,
he passed away.

883
00:42:45.696 --> 00:42:47.696
♪

884
00:42:47.731 --> 00:42:49.225
I thought, you know,

885
00:42:49.260 --> 00:42:53.867
he said over his dead body,
and maybe that means,

886
00:42:53.902 --> 00:42:56.639
"Okay, now go and join them."

887
00:42:56.674 --> 00:43:04.674
♪

888
00:43:07.817 --> 00:43:10.785
When you are a Sun City Pom,

889
00:43:10.820 --> 00:43:14.657
you gotta be one
tough old broad, really.

890
00:43:14.692 --> 00:43:17.660
If you wanna be on there
and you wanna be on stage

891
00:43:17.695 --> 00:43:19.255
and you wanna perform,

892
00:43:19.290 --> 00:43:23.193
you perform, it doesn't matter
what's wrong with you.

893
00:43:23.228 --> 00:43:23.894
Yes, I hurt.

894
00:43:23.929 --> 00:43:26.064
It kills me to get outta bed.

895
00:43:26.099 --> 00:43:28.968
And it hurts all the way,

896
00:43:29.003 --> 00:43:30.871
but those girls
are waiting for me,

897
00:43:30.906 --> 00:43:33.104
and I have to get there.

898
00:43:33.139 --> 00:43:36.976
Then you get to the block
that's mobbed with people.

899
00:43:37.011 --> 00:43:38.406
Nothing hurts anymore,

900
00:43:38.441 --> 00:43:41.981
'cause you gotta put on
a show for those people.

901
00:43:42.016 --> 00:43:50.016
♪

902
00:44:06.073 --> 00:44:11.307
Well, the Poms started in 1979

903
00:44:11.342 --> 00:44:13.782
as a cheerleading squad

904
00:44:13.817 --> 00:44:19.150
to a women's softball team
called the Sun City Saints.

905
00:44:19.185 --> 00:44:20.987
They were having poor
attendance, I guess,

906
00:44:21.022 --> 00:44:23.792
at these women's softball games,
and I think they figured

907
00:44:23.827 --> 00:44:25.002
if they had some
cheerleaders there,

908
00:44:25.026 --> 00:44:28.126
maybe they'd get
more men to show up.

909
00:44:28.161 --> 00:44:31.459
So the Poms have been around,

910
00:44:31.494 --> 00:44:34.330
well, we'll be celebrating
our 40th anniversary

911
00:44:34.365 --> 00:44:36.101
in a couple of years.

912
00:44:36.136 --> 00:44:38.433
♪

913
00:44:38.468 --> 00:44:39.667
You have to want to do it...

914
00:44:39.703 --> 00:44:43.174
And of course if they didn't,
they wouldn't be there...

915
00:44:43.209 --> 00:44:46.947
And you have the desire
for perfection.

916
00:44:46.982 --> 00:44:49.048
You have this, uh,

917
00:44:49.083 --> 00:44:52.150
desire to perform.

918
00:44:52.185 --> 00:44:55.989
And no matter
what is bothering you,

919
00:44:56.024 --> 00:44:58.354
that desire takes over

920
00:44:58.389 --> 00:45:01.863
because you can be tired,
you can be sick,

921
00:45:01.898 --> 00:45:03.491
you can lay down when it's over,

922
00:45:03.526 --> 00:45:07.803
but you've got to get
through these performances.

923
00:45:10.302 --> 00:45:16.306
♪

924
00:45:16.341 --> 00:45:19.177
I think I started having
symptoms of my arthritis

925
00:45:19.212 --> 00:45:21.476
in my hands when I was about 24.

926
00:45:21.511 --> 00:45:23.511
When the doctor told me that

927
00:45:23.546 --> 00:45:27.284
I would end up in a wheelchair
by the time I was 45,

928
00:45:27.319 --> 00:45:29.055
and it scared me.

929
00:45:29.090 --> 00:45:31.156
I thought,
"I can't let that happen.

930
00:45:31.191 --> 00:45:32.960
That's too young, that's...

931
00:45:32.995 --> 00:45:34.962
I've gotta keep going."

932
00:45:34.997 --> 00:45:38.900
And then, it wasn't till
I turned 62,

933
00:45:38.935 --> 00:45:41.397
the year I retired,

934
00:45:41.432 --> 00:45:44.433
I got up one morning,
and I just fell.

935
00:45:44.468 --> 00:45:47.139
My... I just couldn't
walk anymore.

936
00:45:47.174 --> 00:45:51.110
Today, I am going through
the breast cancer

937
00:45:51.145 --> 00:45:56.049
that I was told I was free
and clear of after 10 years.

938
00:45:56.084 --> 00:46:00.515
It came back and metastasized
into my liver,

939
00:46:00.550 --> 00:46:03.221
and Stage IV.

940
00:46:03.256 --> 00:46:07.423
It's in any type
of situation like this,

941
00:46:07.458 --> 00:46:11.427
you have to have something
that's important to you,

942
00:46:11.462 --> 00:46:13.165
something you like,

943
00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:15.398
that keeps you going.

944
00:46:15.433 --> 00:46:17.906
And you say, "Well,
I'm not gonna give in

945
00:46:17.941 --> 00:46:19.185
and just sit around
and do nothing"

946
00:46:19.209 --> 00:46:23.813
because that's the worst thing
you can do is sit and lay.

947
00:46:23.848 --> 00:46:25.980
♪

948
00:46:26.015 --> 00:46:27.542
And then, um,

949
00:46:27.577 --> 00:46:30.017
I noticed my neighbor Greta,

950
00:46:30.052 --> 00:46:32.547
she would leave
in these nice costumes.

951
00:46:32.582 --> 00:46:35.121
And so, I talked to her,

952
00:46:35.156 --> 00:46:36.300
and she says,
"Well, we do dancing."

953
00:46:36.324 --> 00:46:39.323
And I said, "Oh, I'd love
to get back into dancing."

954
00:46:39.358 --> 00:46:42.260
I said, "I don't know
how well I would do anymore,

955
00:46:42.295 --> 00:46:46.198
but I sure would love
to get back into dancing."

956
00:46:46.233 --> 00:46:47.969
So for about three years,

957
00:46:48.004 --> 00:46:52.171
I took really heavy
doses of morphine.

958
00:46:52.206 --> 00:46:54.437
And, um, one day I just woke up

959
00:46:54.472 --> 00:46:57.473
and told myself
I had to come off them.

960
00:46:57.508 --> 00:46:58.741
I just had to find a way

961
00:46:58.776 --> 00:47:01.950
that, you know, I couldn't
get up in the morning without

962
00:47:01.985 --> 00:47:03.083
having those by my bed.

963
00:47:03.118 --> 00:47:04.986
And I was trying to decide

964
00:47:05.021 --> 00:47:07.219
was I takin' 'em
because of an addiction

965
00:47:07.254 --> 00:47:08.517
or because I really hurt?

966
00:47:08.552 --> 00:47:11.586
And then, I finally
got down to one a day.

967
00:47:11.621 --> 00:47:14.963
And then, finally one night
I forgot to take it.

968
00:47:14.998 --> 00:47:16.305
And I woke up in
the morning and thought,

969
00:47:16.329 --> 00:47:20.001
"Oh, I feel pretty good."

970
00:47:20.036 --> 00:47:23.334
So as far as resilience and age

971
00:47:23.369 --> 00:47:25.974
and what keeps you going,

972
00:47:26.009 --> 00:47:30.044
um, I give the Poms
a lot of credit.

973
00:47:30.079 --> 00:47:33.080
Maybe people say, "Ugh,
that doesn't mean anything."

974
00:47:33.115 --> 00:47:34.983
I do.

975
00:47:35.018 --> 00:47:38.151
It's that desire to do things

976
00:47:38.186 --> 00:47:40.318
that keeps us going.

977
00:47:40.353 --> 00:47:43.255
It's a motivation for me.

978
00:47:43.290 --> 00:47:45.257
And some of these elderly ladies

979
00:47:45.292 --> 00:47:47.897
that are 84
and in their early 80s,

980
00:47:47.932 --> 00:47:49.998
and I just look at them and go,

981
00:47:50.033 --> 00:47:51.066
"You're amazing."

982
00:47:51.101 --> 00:47:56.565
And they really do,
they inspire me to keep moving.

983
00:47:56.600 --> 00:47:59.942
And if we forget to unzip
each other when we're done,

984
00:47:59.977 --> 00:48:01.669
then I get home and it's like,

985
00:48:01.704 --> 00:48:04.375
"Oh, my goodness, who am I
gonna get to zip me down?"

986
00:48:04.410 --> 00:48:07.213
Well, usually one of
my neighbors are home.

987
00:48:07.248 --> 00:48:09.182
♪

988
00:48:09.217 --> 00:48:11.283
Few more things,
I gotta get the iPod.

989
00:48:11.318 --> 00:48:14.352
That's the music
that we march to.

990
00:48:14.387 --> 00:48:22.387
♪

991
00:48:29.072 --> 00:48:30.632
See ya at the parade.

992
00:48:30.667 --> 00:48:36.671
♪

993
00:48:39.379 --> 00:48:43.018
♪

994
00:48:43.053 --> 00:48:44.316
- Yup.
- And your daughter too.

995
00:48:44.351 --> 00:48:47.550
And I volunteer a lot
to different places, so

996
00:48:47.585 --> 00:48:50.388
I'm still out there and active,
and that's all that matters.

997
00:48:50.423 --> 00:48:52.258
He had no upbringing,
no rearing,

998
00:48:52.293 --> 00:48:54.095
no love, no compassion,

999
00:48:54.130 --> 00:48:55.998
no one hugged him
and kissed him,

1000
00:48:56.033 --> 00:48:57.692
told him they loved him.

1001
00:48:57.727 --> 00:49:01.069
You cannot be of sound mind,

1002
00:49:01.104 --> 00:49:04.006
make good decisions if you
have hatred in your heart.

1003
00:49:04.041 --> 00:49:06.602
I'm in the process of
dedicating the rest of my life

1004
00:49:06.637 --> 00:49:07.803
to mental health.

1005
00:49:07.838 --> 00:49:11.640
I don't know what inroads
I can make in that project,

1006
00:49:11.675 --> 00:49:13.708
but I'm willing to donate
the rest of my life,

1007
00:49:13.743 --> 00:49:16.744
and any money that I can
contribute to that cause,

1008
00:49:16.779 --> 00:49:18.482
I will definitely do that.

1009
00:49:18.517 --> 00:49:20.682
We have to be more accountable

1010
00:49:20.717 --> 00:49:23.025
for the mental illness
in our nation.

1011
00:49:23.060 --> 00:49:26.556
And if I can be remembered
as one thing and one person,

1012
00:49:26.591 --> 00:49:29.526
I want to be remembered
as being giving

1013
00:49:29.561 --> 00:49:31.528
and forgiving.

1014
00:49:31.563 --> 00:49:33.728
He cannot be responsible
for his actions

1015
00:49:33.763 --> 00:49:36.137
when he was treated so poorly.

1016
00:49:36.172 --> 00:49:37.765
The system failed him,

1017
00:49:37.800 --> 00:49:40.042
and we failed him.

1018
00:49:40.077 --> 00:49:41.505
I forgave him

1019
00:49:41.540 --> 00:49:44.376
because it's
the right thing to do.

1020
00:49:44.411 --> 00:49:46.378
♪

1021
00:49:46.413 --> 00:49:49.084
My mother was the fourth
generation of women

1022
00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:52.549
in her family to have
worked for the Walker Company,

1023
00:49:52.584 --> 00:49:56.190
and I think she grew up
feeling that that was something

1024
00:49:56.225 --> 00:49:57.785
she was expected to do...

1025
00:49:57.820 --> 00:50:01.030
She majored in chemistry
and business in college...

1026
00:50:01.065 --> 00:50:04.627
But she didn't want
to impose that on us.

1027
00:50:04.662 --> 00:50:09.269
I grew up wanting to do...
Wanting to be a writer,

1028
00:50:09.304 --> 00:50:10.534
not wanting to do

1029
00:50:10.569 --> 00:50:13.108
the same thing that
my parents had done.

1030
00:50:13.143 --> 00:50:14.637
I was able to approach the story

1031
00:50:14.672 --> 00:50:16.408
in a way that was
comfortable for me

1032
00:50:16.443 --> 00:50:18.377
to tell Madam Walker's story,

1033
00:50:18.412 --> 00:50:21.149
to discover things that
others had really forgotten

1034
00:50:21.184 --> 00:50:22.414
or never known about her.

1035
00:50:22.449 --> 00:50:25.747
And I really
came to it more through

1036
00:50:25.782 --> 00:50:28.816
A'Lelia Walker,
Madam Walker's daughter,

1037
00:50:28.851 --> 00:50:33.227
because she had been part
of the Harlem Renaissance.

1038
00:50:33.262 --> 00:50:34.128
In the late '60s,

1039
00:50:34.163 --> 00:50:35.801
as I was beginning
to discover people like

1040
00:50:35.825 --> 00:50:38.826
Zora Neale Hurston
and Langston Hughes,

1041
00:50:38.861 --> 00:50:40.366
my grandfather had those books,

1042
00:50:40.401 --> 00:50:42.764
he had books
that they had written,

1043
00:50:42.799 --> 00:50:45.404
and so I became attached to that

1044
00:50:45.439 --> 00:50:46.801
and fascinated by that

1045
00:50:46.836 --> 00:50:49.639
because I loved to write
and I loved those writers.

1046
00:50:49.674 --> 00:50:53.313
So she was the person that I was
really interested in initially.

1047
00:50:53.348 --> 00:50:55.777
Madam Walker
was too complicated.

1048
00:50:55.812 --> 00:51:01.453
So while I was on
the Radcliffe College board,

1049
00:51:01.488 --> 00:51:03.719
one of the other board members

1050
00:51:03.754 --> 00:51:06.425
was a professor
named Nathan Huggins.

1051
00:51:06.460 --> 00:51:09.164
And Nathan also happened to be

1052
00:51:09.199 --> 00:51:12.233
an advisor for
a series of biographies

1053
00:51:12.268 --> 00:51:14.433
that Chelsea House Publishing

1054
00:51:14.468 --> 00:51:17.205
had created called
Black Americans of Achievement,

1055
00:51:17.240 --> 00:51:18.734
and they needed
a Madam Walker book,

1056
00:51:18.769 --> 00:51:20.835
and there had never been
a Madam Walker book,

1057
00:51:20.870 --> 00:51:23.211
and he knew that I was
doing some research

1058
00:51:23.246 --> 00:51:25.114
on my great-great-grandmother.

1059
00:51:25.149 --> 00:51:27.281
Around this time,

1060
00:51:27.316 --> 00:51:31.351
Alex Haley had come to us
and asked about

1061
00:51:31.386 --> 00:51:33.353
writing a biography
of Madam Walker...

1062
00:51:33.388 --> 00:51:36.290
Actually he wanted to do
a fictionalized version.

1063
00:51:36.325 --> 00:51:37.896
When we first started,
Haley would say, "Baby!"

1064
00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:41.526
You know, "Baby, do this,"
and he said, um,

1065
00:51:41.561 --> 00:51:45.893
"Make a file folder,
a manila folder for every year

1066
00:51:45.928 --> 00:51:47.598
of your story,

1067
00:51:47.633 --> 00:51:50.469
and just drop things
in that folder.

1068
00:51:50.504 --> 00:51:53.703
And make some folders for
the characters in your book,

1069
00:51:53.738 --> 00:51:56.277
and drop some things
in the folder."

1070
00:51:56.312 --> 00:51:59.346
So I now have
thousands of folders

1071
00:51:59.381 --> 00:52:01.447
because Alex told me
how to organize it.

1072
00:52:01.482 --> 00:52:03.284
I mean, it's just
a little thing,

1073
00:52:03.319 --> 00:52:04.813
but it makes such
a huge difference.

1074
00:52:04.848 --> 00:52:06.081
So now on my fourth book,

1075
00:52:06.116 --> 00:52:08.487
I've got all of this material
that I've been collecting

1076
00:52:08.522 --> 00:52:11.721
really for the last
four decades.

1077
00:52:11.756 --> 00:52:13.921
At 23, I would
never have thought

1078
00:52:13.956 --> 00:52:16.264
I would have anything at all

1079
00:52:16.299 --> 00:52:17.694
to do with Madam Walker.

1080
00:52:17.729 --> 00:52:20.301
Phyl Garland said
you need to write this story.

1081
00:52:20.336 --> 00:52:21.797
Alex Haley came along.

1082
00:52:21.832 --> 00:52:24.536
And then I saw
the effect that this

1083
00:52:24.571 --> 00:52:26.439
story had on other women.

1084
00:52:26.474 --> 00:52:29.541
How inspired other women
were by Madam Walker,

1085
00:52:29.576 --> 00:52:32.676
and so that made me want to
know more, made me want to,

1086
00:52:32.711 --> 00:52:34.678
to continue to tell the story.

1087
00:52:34.713 --> 00:52:36.680
Du Bois is my intellectual hero,

1088
00:52:36.715 --> 00:52:39.650
and as I go through this
old issue of The Crisis,

1089
00:52:39.685 --> 00:52:42.455
he has Madam Walker's obit,

1090
00:52:42.490 --> 00:52:44.820
and Du Bois says
great things about her.

1091
00:52:44.855 --> 00:52:47.625
He was just full of praise,
and I thought, well, you know,

1092
00:52:47.660 --> 00:52:49.300
I sort of filed that away,
and I thought,

1093
00:52:49.332 --> 00:52:51.266
"If my intellectual hero

1094
00:52:51.301 --> 00:52:52.960
can find something good
about this person

1095
00:52:52.995 --> 00:52:55.237
about whom I'm ambivalent,

1096
00:52:55.272 --> 00:52:56.898
then I need to re-examine it."

1097
00:52:56.933 --> 00:53:00.836
That her real thrust
was not straightening hair,

1098
00:53:00.871 --> 00:53:02.739
but changing hygiene

1099
00:53:02.774 --> 00:53:06.446
and helping people
heal scalp disease,

1100
00:53:06.481 --> 00:53:09.944
but to understand
that the caricature

1101
00:53:09.979 --> 00:53:13.585
that had been created about her
wasn't really accurate.

1102
00:53:13.620 --> 00:53:17.391
And then I began
to discover how much

1103
00:53:17.426 --> 00:53:18.920
of a political activist she was,

1104
00:53:18.955 --> 00:53:20.988
and how much of
a philanthropist she was,

1105
00:53:21.023 --> 00:53:24.332
and how much she empowered
women economically.

1106
00:53:24.367 --> 00:53:26.697
So she became then,
instead of this,

1107
00:53:26.732 --> 00:53:28.864
you know, one little incorrect

1108
00:53:28.899 --> 00:53:31.537
nugget that people repeated
over and over again,

1109
00:53:31.572 --> 00:53:34.573
she became this
fully-formed human being

1110
00:53:34.608 --> 00:53:37.675
who really made
a huge difference for women.

1111
00:53:37.710 --> 00:53:40.381
And now I'm at the point where

1112
00:53:40.416 --> 00:53:41.745
some of the seeds that I planted

1113
00:53:41.780 --> 00:53:45.320
by trying to keep
the story alive

1114
00:53:45.355 --> 00:53:46.585
have now come full circle,

1115
00:53:46.620 --> 00:53:49.489
and I'm able
to help the company,

1116
00:53:49.524 --> 00:53:51.623
and help the brand stay alive,

1117
00:53:51.658 --> 00:53:54.527
and now that will
be there after me.

1118
00:53:55.662 --> 00:53:57.860
So, that leads me
to where I am now,

1119
00:53:57.895 --> 00:54:02.469
and I'm in the process
of writing... rewriting...

1120
00:54:02.504 --> 00:54:04.834
A show for the Philadelphia
Fringe Festival.

1121
00:54:04.869 --> 00:54:09.410
I had started and stopped,
and started and stopped

1122
00:54:09.445 --> 00:54:11.973
this idea of a one-woman show.

1123
00:54:12.008 --> 00:54:15.042
It was based on
this whole concept of

1124
00:54:15.077 --> 00:54:17.550
me having this duality

1125
00:54:17.585 --> 00:54:20.047
in my life.

1126
00:54:20.082 --> 00:54:22.522
The thing I'm supposed to do,

1127
00:54:22.557 --> 00:54:24.689
and the thing I wanna do.

1128
00:54:24.724 --> 00:54:27.824
I'm confronting
things in this play

1129
00:54:27.859 --> 00:54:30.057
that I didn't want
to confront before

1130
00:54:30.092 --> 00:54:32.862
'cause I thought I
confronted them in therapy,

1131
00:54:32.897 --> 00:54:35.062
quite frankly.

1132
00:54:35.097 --> 00:54:37.933
But, I embrace them now,

1133
00:54:37.968 --> 00:54:42.641
and my age has
given me permission

1134
00:54:42.676 --> 00:54:44.544
to say "This is me,"

1135
00:54:44.579 --> 00:54:46.040
and "This is where I came from.

1136
00:54:46.075 --> 00:54:47.415
This is what I'm doing.

1137
00:54:47.450 --> 00:54:48.944
This is how I...

1138
00:54:48.979 --> 00:54:50.550
This is my art."

1139
00:54:50.585 --> 00:54:54.653
But it will feed
into my resilience

1140
00:54:54.688 --> 00:54:56.523
in that I can get back up there.

1141
00:54:56.558 --> 00:54:59.691
I can get back on stage,
I can perform again.

1142
00:54:59.726 --> 00:55:03.662
And hopefully I'll be able
to do more with that.

1143
00:55:03.697 --> 00:55:05.433
And it's just another
one of those things

1144
00:55:05.468 --> 00:55:06.698
I can say I did it.

1145
00:55:06.733 --> 00:55:08.095
You know, I wrote it,

1146
00:55:08.130 --> 00:55:09.470
I produced it.

1147
00:55:09.505 --> 00:55:13.067
I got people
to collaborate with me.

1148
00:55:13.102 --> 00:55:16.708
And, um, I can check that off.

1149
00:55:16.743 --> 00:55:18.105
And maybe I'll write
another one.

1150
00:55:18.140 --> 00:55:20.514
I think the reason
why we're so willing

1151
00:55:20.549 --> 00:55:22.747
to allow ourselves

1152
00:55:22.782 --> 00:55:27.719
to buy in to someone else

1153
00:55:27.754 --> 00:55:29.523
and let ourselves go

1154
00:55:29.558 --> 00:55:32.394
is because we don't have
that self-esteem.

1155
00:55:32.429 --> 00:55:35.463
We don't believe in...
We don't think we deserve it.

1156
00:55:35.498 --> 00:55:38.994
We don't... we don't think
we're good enough.

1157
00:55:39.029 --> 00:55:43.537
And I don't know
where that comes from.

1158
00:55:43.572 --> 00:55:45.704
I guess it comes
from our upbringing.

1159
00:55:45.739 --> 00:55:47.706
Where else could it come from?

1160
00:55:47.741 --> 00:55:51.974
But the older I get,
the more I see

1161
00:55:52.009 --> 00:55:54.141
that I am worth it.

1162
00:55:54.176 --> 00:55:57.452
So, I don't... I don't
lose myself anymore.

1163
00:55:57.487 --> 00:55:59.014
I know myself,

1164
00:55:59.049 --> 00:56:01.049
and I trust myself.

1165
00:56:01.084 --> 00:56:05.394
♪

1166
00:56:05.429 --> 00:56:08.991
I've really lived by my gut
in a lot of ways,

1167
00:56:09.026 --> 00:56:12.929
and I feel like that's what's
led me to this place today

1168
00:56:12.964 --> 00:56:15.503
is just sort of following
my gut instincts,

1169
00:56:15.538 --> 00:56:19.507
and always trying to get
involved as much as possible

1170
00:56:19.542 --> 00:56:20.970
in things that really

1171
00:56:21.005 --> 00:56:24.776
are gratifying
and satisfying to me

1172
00:56:24.811 --> 00:56:27.647
on a personal level,

1173
00:56:27.682 --> 00:56:29.913
and make me happy.

1174
00:56:29.948 --> 00:56:33.048
I'm working on
a series of pieces

1175
00:56:33.083 --> 00:56:36.524
that are inspired by

1176
00:56:36.559 --> 00:56:38.053
the illustrations of

1177
00:56:38.088 --> 00:56:40.858
a German biologist
named Ernst Haeckel.

1178
00:56:40.893 --> 00:56:43.927
A lot of them are
based on sea creatures.

1179
00:56:43.962 --> 00:56:46.798
So they're inspired by him,
but I think they're also

1180
00:56:46.833 --> 00:56:48.635
inspired by my childhood,

1181
00:56:48.670 --> 00:56:50.098
you know,
growing up on the beach

1182
00:56:50.133 --> 00:56:54.168
and seeing all these cool,
crazy sea anemones,

1183
00:56:54.203 --> 00:56:56.676
and sea urchins, and jellyfish.

1184
00:56:56.711 --> 00:57:00.009
So I'm sort of trying to

1185
00:57:00.044 --> 00:57:03.210
translate those
into the third dimension.

1186
00:57:03.245 --> 00:57:04.289
I guess in another ten years,

1187
00:57:04.313 --> 00:57:06.917
I don't see my life
being that much different

1188
00:57:06.952 --> 00:57:11.020
than it is now,
only I hope to be

1189
00:57:11.055 --> 00:57:13.495
less involved
in the commercial work.

1190
00:57:13.530 --> 00:57:15.222
So, I don't feel that

1191
00:57:15.257 --> 00:57:18.060
I'm ever gonna really retire.

1192
00:57:18.095 --> 00:57:21.965
My retirement is gonna be
doing my own work.

1193
00:57:22.000 --> 00:57:25.573
♪

1194
00:57:25.608 --> 00:57:27.707
Starting in 2009,

1195
00:57:27.742 --> 00:57:29.544
I was helping a friend train

1196
00:57:29.579 --> 00:57:31.876
'cause that was her goal,
to swim the English Channel.

1197
00:57:31.911 --> 00:57:33.944
One of the other support people

1198
00:57:33.979 --> 00:57:36.716
was on the pebbly beach
and said to me,

1199
00:57:36.751 --> 00:57:38.685
"Are you gonna swim
the Channel?"

1200
00:57:38.720 --> 00:57:41.083
And I said to her, "No!

1201
00:57:41.118 --> 00:57:43.250
Why would you ask me
a question like that?"

1202
00:57:43.285 --> 00:57:46.253
You know, 'cause... I don't know
why I reacted like that.

1203
00:57:46.288 --> 00:57:48.255
And she said,

1204
00:57:48.290 --> 00:57:50.862
"Because I think you can do it."

1205
00:57:50.897 --> 00:57:52.259
And so then I started to say,

1206
00:57:52.294 --> 00:57:54.767
"Really? Somebody else thinks
I can do something?"

1207
00:57:55.902 --> 00:57:59.002
The time that I
selected with my pilot

1208
00:57:59.037 --> 00:58:02.137
for my English Channel
swim attempt,

1209
00:58:02.172 --> 00:58:08.814
uh, was chosen as
September 7 to 14, 2016.

1210
00:58:08.849 --> 00:58:11.278
Was there ever a point
during your practicing

1211
00:58:11.313 --> 00:58:12.884
leading up to the swim

1212
00:58:12.919 --> 00:58:15.282
that you didn't think
you could do it?

1213
00:58:15.317 --> 00:58:16.317
Oh, many points,

1214
00:58:16.352 --> 00:58:19.594
because it's not an easy swim
by any means,

1215
00:58:19.629 --> 00:58:20.925
and I'd had, um,

1216
00:58:20.960 --> 00:58:24.291
people I knew
who weren't successful.

1217
00:58:24.326 --> 00:58:26.700
One of the things that makes it
such a hard swim is that

1218
00:58:26.735 --> 00:58:28.933
you never know
where you are, you know?

1219
00:58:28.968 --> 00:58:32.970
So, are you almost done,
or are you only part way?

1220
00:58:33.005 --> 00:58:34.202
It's just a horrible thing.

1221
00:58:34.237 --> 00:58:35.676
And I remember swimming

1222
00:58:35.711 --> 00:58:38.580
and looking to the left

1223
00:58:38.615 --> 00:58:39.626
where there was the vast ocean,

1224
00:58:39.650 --> 00:58:42.177
and sometimes you'd see
the big... the big ships,

1225
00:58:42.212 --> 00:58:44.619
and then looking to the right
and seeing my little boat

1226
00:58:44.654 --> 00:58:47.050
next to me, and I would think,

1227
00:58:47.085 --> 00:58:49.954
"That's all right, I don't need
to know where I am, I'm fine."

1228
00:58:49.989 --> 00:58:52.858
Near the end, when we were
in the pitch black

1229
00:58:52.893 --> 00:58:55.058
and the small boat was with us,

1230
00:58:55.093 --> 00:58:58.864
and the crew was shining
a spotlight on the cliff wall,

1231
00:58:58.899 --> 00:59:00.195
my support swimmer would say,

1232
00:59:00.230 --> 00:59:02.329
"Can you see the light?
You see the light?

1233
00:59:02.364 --> 00:59:03.330
Go for that."

1234
00:59:03.365 --> 00:59:05.002
And then I'd say, "Okay."

1235
00:59:05.037 --> 00:59:07.070
And then I would go over,
and she said

1236
00:59:07.105 --> 00:59:12.075
the last 200 meters I swam,
I swam, um, doggie paddle.

1237
00:59:12.110 --> 00:59:14.154
She said, "Some of your clients
might like to hear that."

1238
00:59:14.178 --> 00:59:17.113
I remember telling people
that it felt like crawling.

1239
00:59:17.148 --> 00:59:19.115
And so, in a way, you are
crawling in the water

1240
00:59:19.150 --> 00:59:21.051
when you're doing
the doggie paddle.

1241
00:59:21.086 --> 00:59:22.349
And then when I got to there

1242
00:59:22.384 --> 00:59:26.221
and slapped my hand
on the face of the cliff,

1243
00:59:26.256 --> 00:59:28.861
it was just, um,

1244
00:59:28.896 --> 00:59:30.896
a wonderful feeling,
it was just like, "Oh."

1245
00:59:30.931 --> 00:59:33.668
And then my friend that
was next to me, you know,

1246
00:59:33.703 --> 00:59:36.000
squealed in delight
and says that,

1247
00:59:36.035 --> 00:59:38.233
"You are an English Channel
swimmer, Paula!

1248
00:59:38.268 --> 00:59:39.971
You've made it!"

1249
00:59:40.006 --> 00:59:45.372
♪

1250
00:59:45.407 --> 00:59:49.046
So, I became stronger.

1251
00:59:49.081 --> 00:59:52.313
And I had to take care of all
the finances and everything,

1252
00:59:52.348 --> 00:59:55.723
and he was amazing.

1253
00:59:55.758 --> 00:59:59.859
He inspired everybody.

1254
01:00:00.994 --> 01:00:03.929
I'm gonna start to cry.

1255
01:00:03.964 --> 01:00:08.868
He helped other people
from Mount Sinai Hospital.

1256
01:00:08.903 --> 01:00:11.101
He was funny.

1257
01:00:11.136 --> 01:00:12.102
He read.

1258
01:00:12.137 --> 01:00:14.401
He gave me all
the information that I needed

1259
01:00:14.436 --> 01:00:21.243
'cause he would read
and listen to NPR every day.

1260
01:00:21.278 --> 01:00:25.148
He taught me more about patience

1261
01:00:25.183 --> 01:00:27.051
and love.

1262
01:00:29.319 --> 01:00:32.892
I didn't understand...
I understand even more now,

1263
01:00:32.927 --> 01:00:36.324
'cause he died three years ago,

1264
01:00:36.359 --> 01:00:39.030
and I even understand more now
about some of the lessons

1265
01:00:39.065 --> 01:00:40.834
he tried to teach me.

1266
01:00:42.134 --> 01:00:45.674
My most poignant
memories of Bill are

1267
01:00:45.709 --> 01:00:47.907
when he would hug me.

1268
01:00:47.942 --> 01:00:50.437
He couldn't use his hands,
but he would

1269
01:00:50.472 --> 01:00:53.440
take all his strength to hug me.

1270
01:00:53.475 --> 01:00:55.750
And it was almost...

1271
01:00:55.785 --> 01:00:58.346
I almost couldn't bear it

1272
01:00:58.381 --> 01:00:59.853
because it was so poignant

1273
01:00:59.888 --> 01:01:03.956
and so touching.

1274
01:01:03.991 --> 01:01:06.959
Except, you know, I embraced it,

1275
01:01:06.994 --> 01:01:10.193
but at the same time,
sometimes I wanted to pull away

1276
01:01:10.228 --> 01:01:12.063
'cause it was painful.

1277
01:01:14.199 --> 01:01:16.067
So I finally revealed myself

1278
01:01:16.102 --> 01:01:19.268
almost exactly
two years later in 2013.

1279
01:01:19.303 --> 01:01:22.073
One of the struggles that I had
during those two years,

1280
01:01:22.108 --> 01:01:24.812
I said, "Well, this
could go one of two ways.

1281
01:01:24.847 --> 01:01:26.814
You know, 'Oh, let's get her,
she's Siri.'

1282
01:01:26.849 --> 01:01:29.278
'Oh, let's not get her,
she's Siri, she's everywhere.'"

1283
01:01:29.313 --> 01:01:32.787
Corporations really seem
to be quite possessive

1284
01:01:32.822 --> 01:01:33.953
of their digital voices.

1285
01:01:33.988 --> 01:01:37.451
They don't really want people to

1286
01:01:37.486 --> 01:01:39.387
associate a person,

1287
01:01:39.422 --> 01:01:42.929
a face with the device.

1288
01:01:42.964 --> 01:01:46.229
They want people
to imagine, you know,

1289
01:01:46.264 --> 01:01:48.275
whoever they wanna imagine
that they're talking to.

1290
01:01:48.299 --> 01:01:51.806
Well, it was kind of
a strange thing because,

1291
01:01:51.841 --> 01:01:54.402
I never aspired to fame.

1292
01:01:54.437 --> 01:01:58.340
I call myself
"accidentally famous."

1293
01:01:58.375 --> 01:02:01.343
So, it was a struggle
for me because I basically

1294
01:02:01.378 --> 01:02:03.950
am more of an introvert
than an extrovert.

1295
01:02:03.985 --> 01:02:07.250
Siri really jolted me
out of my comfort zone,

1296
01:02:07.285 --> 01:02:09.285
and made me realize that
I was capable of doing

1297
01:02:09.320 --> 01:02:13.091
a lot more than maybe
I was doing at that point.

1298
01:02:13.126 --> 01:02:16.061
Suddenly, after not being
on camera for many years,

1299
01:02:16.096 --> 01:02:20.131
after the Siri revelation,
I was on camera a lot,

1300
01:02:20.166 --> 01:02:22.078
and I discovered that
it was something that I did

1301
01:02:22.102 --> 01:02:24.003
fairly comfortably.

1302
01:02:24.038 --> 01:02:25.873
And just reminded myself that,

1303
01:02:25.908 --> 01:02:27.413
"Well, you know,
maybe you should just

1304
01:02:27.437 --> 01:02:28.236
get out a little more

1305
01:02:28.271 --> 01:02:30.009
and do more of
this type of stuff."

1306
01:02:30.044 --> 01:02:33.210
So, thus the Siri Sings Band,

1307
01:02:33.245 --> 01:02:35.245
you know, and things
like that, so.

1308
01:02:35.280 --> 01:02:38.281
But I think as far
as women aging,

1309
01:02:38.316 --> 01:02:42.417
there's something calming
about reaching the 60s.

1310
01:02:42.452 --> 01:02:44.991
All of a sudden,
you can just... I find myself,

1311
01:02:45.026 --> 01:02:46.256
I'm more able to say "no"

1312
01:02:46.291 --> 01:02:49.292
to things that I don't
wanna do, you know.

1313
01:02:49.327 --> 01:02:51.195
It's like, "You know,
I really hate that.

1314
01:02:51.230 --> 01:02:53.934
You know what?
I'm just not gonna do it."

1315
01:02:53.969 --> 01:02:55.496
I can't do too much in here,

1316
01:02:55.531 --> 01:02:58.367
but I can do a little bit.

1317
01:02:58.402 --> 01:02:59.841
Wow.

1318
01:02:59.876 --> 01:03:01.370
So.

1319
01:03:01.405 --> 01:03:02.943
Okay.

1320
01:03:02.978 --> 01:03:05.814
I don't wanna
break another light.

1321
01:03:05.849 --> 01:03:07.046
So, is that enough?

1322
01:03:07.081 --> 01:03:07.913
- You still got it.
- Okay.

1323
01:03:07.949 --> 01:03:11.578
Where does my
resilience come from?

1324
01:03:11.613 --> 01:03:14.856
I just have to think
that I'm darn lucky.

1325
01:03:14.891 --> 01:03:19.091
I very often think,

1326
01:03:19.126 --> 01:03:21.896
"Wonder what it's like to die.

1327
01:03:21.931 --> 01:03:24.162
What do you feel like

1328
01:03:24.197 --> 01:03:29.904
in the days or hours
before you die?"

1329
01:03:29.939 --> 01:03:32.467
I'm curious.

1330
01:03:32.502 --> 01:03:34.403
When that time comes...

1331
01:03:34.438 --> 01:03:37.043
I say this, I don't know
if I'll follow through on it...

1332
01:03:37.078 --> 01:03:39.507
But I say I won't have any fear

1333
01:03:39.542 --> 01:03:43.280
because I've had
such a good life.

1334
01:03:43.315 --> 01:03:48.186
So, being 63 is
such a blessing to me.

1335
01:03:48.221 --> 01:03:50.452
My mother died when she was 46.

1336
01:03:50.487 --> 01:03:52.861
My grandmother died
when she was in her 40s.

1337
01:03:52.896 --> 01:03:56.194
And so, I really sort of
sweated that for a while.

1338
01:03:56.229 --> 01:03:59.230
Like, "Am I gonna
make it past there?"

1339
01:03:59.265 --> 01:04:02.134
Because it seems that
the women in my family

1340
01:04:02.169 --> 01:04:03.905
tended to die young.

1341
01:04:03.940 --> 01:04:06.435
And so I feel like every year

1342
01:04:06.470 --> 01:04:10.373
is a blessing
and an opportunity.

1343
01:04:10.408 --> 01:04:14.883
My idea about
senior citizens changed

1344
01:04:14.918 --> 01:04:16.412
after my mom died,

1345
01:04:16.447 --> 01:04:19.349
after watching the last
two years of her life,

1346
01:04:19.384 --> 01:04:21.318
watching my dad care for her,

1347
01:04:21.353 --> 01:04:25.388
watching how seniors are treated
in the healthcare system,

1348
01:04:25.423 --> 01:04:29.227
and without an advocate
how dismissed they can be,

1349
01:04:29.262 --> 01:04:33.330
how important it is
to advocate for seniors.

1350
01:04:33.365 --> 01:04:35.431
I don't know, resilience it's...

1351
01:04:35.466 --> 01:04:38.269
It's part of being a woman,

1352
01:04:38.304 --> 01:04:42.911
part of being not willing
to give up the ghost

1353
01:04:42.946 --> 01:04:44.407
and just stay in a corner

1354
01:04:44.442 --> 01:04:47.608
and be what people
think you should be.

1355
01:04:47.643 --> 01:04:50.215
The only way that we grow

1356
01:04:50.250 --> 01:04:53.119
is when we have
to deal with something

1357
01:04:53.154 --> 01:04:55.649
and solve a problem
and get past something,

1358
01:04:55.684 --> 01:04:57.156
even if it's failure.

1359
01:04:57.191 --> 01:05:01.127
Failure is a great impetus!

1360
01:05:04.627 --> 01:05:09.696
I began to understand things
on a deeper level about my life

1361
01:05:09.731 --> 01:05:12.600
and what created me,

1362
01:05:12.635 --> 01:05:15.042
and what I created myself.

1363
01:05:15.077 --> 01:05:17.473
You know, the challenge
of learning to write,

1364
01:05:17.508 --> 01:05:20.707
now I have a great
appreciation of writing

1365
01:05:20.742 --> 01:05:23.380
and understanding of that,

1366
01:05:23.415 --> 01:05:25.184
being able to write something.

1367
01:05:25.219 --> 01:05:26.515
I'm not the greatest writer,

1368
01:05:26.550 --> 01:05:29.584
but a wrote a decent book
that people seem to like

1369
01:05:29.619 --> 01:05:31.553
and read quickly.

1370
01:05:31.588 --> 01:05:32.961
Um...

1371
01:05:32.996 --> 01:05:34.457
♪

1372
01:05:34.492 --> 01:05:39.132
It's like... I guess
put a frame around

1373
01:05:39.167 --> 01:05:41.332
what happened to me and why,

1374
01:05:41.367 --> 01:05:44.533
and so now I can go on to, um,

1375
01:05:44.568 --> 01:05:48.075
not a new book,
but a new chapter in my life.

1376
01:05:48.110 --> 01:05:50.341
Well, I've been
traveling a lot...

1377
01:05:50.376 --> 01:05:52.112
♪

1378
01:05:52.147 --> 01:05:54.642
Because I was like...

1379
01:05:54.677 --> 01:05:58.448
There was a certain
level of imprisonment

1380
01:05:58.483 --> 01:06:00.483
with my husband's
being paralyzed.

1381
01:06:00.518 --> 01:06:03.288
I was also paralyzed
in a certain way.

1382
01:06:03.323 --> 01:06:06.621
Even though he tried
to give me a lot of freedom,

1383
01:06:06.656 --> 01:06:07.288
it was limited.

1384
01:06:07.324 --> 01:06:09.096
And I did do some traveling,

1385
01:06:09.131 --> 01:06:12.000
but I've been flying
like a bird.

1386
01:06:12.035 --> 01:06:15.069
♪

1387
01:06:15.104 --> 01:06:17.269
I've begun to date a little,

1388
01:06:17.304 --> 01:06:19.667
which is, um,

1389
01:06:19.702 --> 01:06:21.504
at first very shocking.

1390
01:06:21.539 --> 01:06:24.012
The first date I went
on very, you know,

1391
01:06:24.047 --> 01:06:28.478
within in the last six months,
I wasn't ready till then,

1392
01:06:28.513 --> 01:06:31.019
I was like, like 14 years old.

1393
01:06:31.054 --> 01:06:34.121
I was nervous, you know.

1394
01:06:34.156 --> 01:06:37.322
But the great thing is
how I'm different than 14

1395
01:06:37.357 --> 01:06:39.390
is that I know right away

1396
01:06:39.425 --> 01:06:41.062
what I like and don't like,

1397
01:06:41.097 --> 01:06:43.658
and if I'm interested
in somebody or I'm not.

1398
01:06:43.693 --> 01:06:46.661
And I don't, you know,
have any qualms about

1399
01:06:46.696 --> 01:06:48.168
saying "no,"

1400
01:06:48.203 --> 01:06:51.435
which I did
when I was much younger.

1401
01:06:51.470 --> 01:06:52.603
♪

1402
01:06:52.638 --> 01:06:56.704
I think you get definitely
better with age and experience.

1403
01:06:56.739 --> 01:06:58.178
Absolutely.

1404
01:06:58.213 --> 01:07:01.049
I mean, how could you not?

1405
01:07:01.084 --> 01:07:04.415
How could you not get better
with age and experience?

1406
01:07:04.450 --> 01:07:06.120
At the age of 60, you know,

1407
01:07:06.155 --> 01:07:08.353
you could be conceivably

1408
01:07:08.388 --> 01:07:10.586
only at your halfway point,

1409
01:07:10.621 --> 01:07:12.720
or a little bit past
your halfway point in life,

1410
01:07:12.755 --> 01:07:16.361
so that's a lot of
time left to do stuff.

1411
01:07:16.396 --> 01:07:18.594
But I think I would
tell my younger self that,

1412
01:07:18.629 --> 01:07:22.268
um, it'll get better in a week.

1413
01:07:22.303 --> 01:07:24.303
Whatever you're dealing with,

1414
01:07:24.338 --> 01:07:27.603
give it that good
week's worth of patience,

1415
01:07:27.638 --> 01:07:30.276
and things will be better
one way or the other.

1416
01:07:30.311 --> 01:07:32.443
I would say you
are absolutely right

1417
01:07:32.478 --> 01:07:36.711
to have tried to do
the best job that you could do

1418
01:07:36.746 --> 01:07:38.845
in whatever job you had,

1419
01:07:38.880 --> 01:07:42.420
that you should always go
one step farther,

1420
01:07:42.455 --> 01:07:45.720
that you need to deliver
not just enough, but more.

1421
01:07:45.755 --> 01:07:47.722
But there seems to be
this desperate need

1422
01:07:47.757 --> 01:07:51.165
to hold on to youth
as much as we possibly can,

1423
01:07:51.200 --> 01:07:54.564
and I don't know that
that's a very healthy thing.

1424
01:07:54.599 --> 01:07:56.280
I don't think we wanna
hold on to our youth,

1425
01:07:56.304 --> 01:07:59.470
we just wanna hold on to maybe

1426
01:07:59.505 --> 01:08:01.505
our youthful attitudes.

1427
01:08:01.540 --> 01:08:05.641
I don't see myself retiring.

1428
01:08:05.676 --> 01:08:07.478
I see myself as

1429
01:08:07.513 --> 01:08:09.513
maybe being able
to pick and choose

1430
01:08:09.548 --> 01:08:12.318
a little more selectively
about what I do.

1431
01:08:12.353 --> 01:08:13.748
I see myself teaching,

1432
01:08:13.783 --> 01:08:15.717
still teaching.

1433
01:08:15.752 --> 01:08:18.489
I don't wanna
ever stop teaching.

1434
01:08:18.524 --> 01:08:20.491
I don't wanna ever stop acting.

1435
01:08:20.526 --> 01:08:24.231
I always say I wanna die
one of three ways:

1436
01:08:24.266 --> 01:08:26.332
on stage,
in front of a classroom,

1437
01:08:26.367 --> 01:08:27.861
or having sex.

1438
01:08:29.064 --> 01:08:33.636
I realize about myself,
I know myself so much better.

1439
01:08:33.671 --> 01:08:35.737
I have such a creative spirit,

1440
01:08:35.772 --> 01:08:39.774
and I will always
have to create.

1441
01:08:39.809 --> 01:08:43.679
So what will happen
to me is unknown...

1442
01:08:43.714 --> 01:08:47.815
but I'm very open
to the unknown.

1443
01:08:47.850 --> 01:08:51.786
And that... as long as
you're not afraid of that,

1444
01:08:51.821 --> 01:08:53.755
I think things can happen.

1445
01:09:28.759 --> 01:09:36.759
♪

1446
01:09:43.873 --> 01:09:46.280
Where do you see
yourself when you're 60?

1447
01:09:46.315 --> 01:09:48.715
- Ooh, that's a good question.
- That's a ways away from now.

1448
01:09:48.746 --> 01:09:50.878
That's... that's
a little bit away.

1449
01:09:50.913 --> 01:09:52.484
Yeah.

1450
01:09:52.519 --> 01:09:54.618
Hopefully I'm still doing
really cool things.

1451
01:09:54.653 --> 01:09:57.753
I mean, I don't ever see myself
officially retiring,

1452
01:09:57.788 --> 01:09:59.623
or, you know,
being done with working.

1453
01:09:59.658 --> 01:10:02.263
I love having things to do,

1454
01:10:02.298 --> 01:10:03.759
and so even if I'm 60,

1455
01:10:03.794 --> 01:10:05.728
hopefully I'm still
healthy and good to go,

1456
01:10:05.763 --> 01:10:07.862
but I'd love to still be able to

1457
01:10:07.897 --> 01:10:09.996
run businesses,
help other people.

1458
01:10:10.031 --> 01:10:11.866
I still see myself working.

1459
01:10:11.901 --> 01:10:13.318
I don't know what
it's gonna be like.

1460
01:10:13.342 --> 01:10:14.242
That's really scary.

1461
01:10:14.277 --> 01:10:16.805
I think that... and I was not

1462
01:10:16.840 --> 01:10:18.741
born when my mom was born,
so I don't know

1463
01:10:18.776 --> 01:10:20.347
how women before
perceived aging,

1464
01:10:20.382 --> 01:10:23.746
but I feel like now because
things change so rapidly,

1465
01:10:23.781 --> 01:10:25.385
I feel so unsure

1466
01:10:25.420 --> 01:10:26.782
about what the world
will be like

1467
01:10:26.817 --> 01:10:28.652
and where I will be
in the world.

1468
01:10:28.687 --> 01:10:30.896
And that is so daunting to me
that when I hear that question,

1469
01:10:30.920 --> 01:10:32.953
I'm like, "But, what is
the world gonna be like?"

1470
01:10:32.988 --> 01:10:34.889
That would change everything.

1471
01:10:34.924 --> 01:10:37.562
It could change everything
for me in the next five years.

1472
01:10:37.597 --> 01:10:39.960
Yeah, I would say I'm curious,

1473
01:10:39.995 --> 01:10:44.503
but I definitely haven't
sat down and thought about it.

1474
01:10:44.538 --> 01:10:46.901
And anything,
any fears about aging?

1475
01:10:46.936 --> 01:10:50.036
When I was younger,
I was really scared

1476
01:10:50.071 --> 01:10:51.510
to turn 30.

1477
01:10:51.545 --> 01:10:53.809
- Really?
- I was really scared,

1478
01:10:53.844 --> 01:10:58.385
um, and I think it was
just my own vanity,

1479
01:10:58.420 --> 01:11:00.750
you know, of aging,

1480
01:11:00.785 --> 01:11:03.786
of who I was gonna be
at the age of 30.

1481
01:11:03.821 --> 01:11:06.921
What was my life
accomplishment at that point?

1482
01:11:06.956 --> 01:11:09.022
I don't know,
I feel like I think about...

1483
01:11:09.057 --> 01:11:13.367
I almost have... I think about
too much, like obsession

1484
01:11:13.402 --> 01:11:16.964
with what am I going to feel

1485
01:11:16.999 --> 01:11:19.637
when I'm five,
ten years from now?

1486
01:11:19.672 --> 01:11:21.067
What am I gonna feel
when I'm 40?

1487
01:11:21.102 --> 01:11:22.068
How am I going to get there?

1488
01:11:22.103 --> 01:11:24.906
And is it going to be
what I want it to be?

1489
01:11:24.941 --> 01:11:29.614
I get really frustrated when
people talk about age as, um,

1490
01:11:29.649 --> 01:11:31.715
as being this bad thing,

1491
01:11:31.750 --> 01:11:35.554
because everyone gets older.

1492
01:11:35.589 --> 01:11:36.819
Everyone experiences that,

1493
01:11:36.854 --> 01:11:39.393
and if not, then that's even

1494
01:11:39.428 --> 01:11:40.570
- more tragic.
- Well, it's much better,

1495
01:11:40.594 --> 01:11:41.956
much better
than the alternative.

1496
01:11:41.991 --> 01:11:43.892
Yes, exactly.

1497
01:11:43.927 --> 01:11:46.026
I really resent that

1498
01:11:46.061 --> 01:11:51.900
women's value is so
perceived by their age.

1499
01:11:51.935 --> 01:11:53.704
- Yes, I agree.
- I think that older people

1500
01:11:53.739 --> 01:11:56.003
in general underestimate it,

1501
01:11:56.038 --> 01:11:57.609
'cause they've
gone through so much,

1502
01:11:57.644 --> 01:11:59.644
and you have so much
to learn from them.

1503
01:11:59.679 --> 01:12:01.107
- Yeah.
- That's what I found

1504
01:12:01.142 --> 01:12:02.812
with my grandparents, so...

1505
01:12:02.847 --> 01:12:06.453
I love it when
I see women of any age,

1506
01:12:06.488 --> 01:12:08.422
especially, like,
above 60 saying

1507
01:12:08.457 --> 01:12:10.589
"No, I refuse to go under.

1508
01:12:10.624 --> 01:12:13.724
I refuse to become
'invisible.'"

1509
01:12:13.759 --> 01:12:15.792
I'm gonna be louder.

1510
01:12:15.827 --> 01:12:20.533
I'm gonna really advocate
for myself and women like me.

1511
01:12:20.568 --> 01:12:23.129
When I get older,
am I just gonna lose

1512
01:12:23.164 --> 01:12:24.999
my voice to tell stories too?

1513
01:12:25.034 --> 01:12:26.935
So, yeah, I mean,
I think it's really awful

1514
01:12:26.970 --> 01:12:29.575
because I think that
there's so much

1515
01:12:29.610 --> 01:12:31.610
to hear from older women.

1516
01:12:31.645 --> 01:12:33.073
Young people have to stop

1517
01:12:33.108 --> 01:12:35.141
thinking that older women are

1518
01:12:35.176 --> 01:12:39.046
just jaded and not
interested in their lives...

1519
01:12:39.081 --> 01:12:40.192
- Right.
- And older women have to

1520
01:12:40.216 --> 01:12:42.918
meet us halfway too,
and not think that we're just

1521
01:12:42.953 --> 01:12:44.623
stupid and attached
to our phones,

1522
01:12:44.658 --> 01:12:46.526
and always thinking
about the internet.

1523
01:12:46.561 --> 01:12:48.957
We are smart, we care,
we want to know.

1524
01:12:48.992 --> 01:12:51.498
We want to empathize
with your experience too.

1525
01:12:51.533 --> 01:12:53.093
I think that is, yeah,

1526
01:12:53.128 --> 01:12:55.161
it's like my thesis
statement about everything.

1527
01:12:55.196 --> 01:12:56.062
Do you feel like you've learned

1528
01:12:56.097 --> 01:12:57.966
from the women
that you've interviewed?

1529
01:12:58.001 --> 01:12:58.900
Absolutely!

1530
01:12:58.936 --> 01:13:02.542
You know, each of these
series of interviews

1531
01:13:02.577 --> 01:13:05.479
have given me more insight into

1532
01:13:05.514 --> 01:13:07.074
who I am and what I'm doing,

1533
01:13:07.109 --> 01:13:09.043
and why I did this.

1534
01:13:09.078 --> 01:13:12.684
And it gives me
this stronger sense of

1535
01:13:12.719 --> 01:13:15.786
how important
women's stories are.

1536
01:13:15.821 --> 01:13:17.590
Because if they can affect me,

1537
01:13:17.625 --> 01:13:20.791
they're gonna affect other
people that hear the stories,

1538
01:13:20.826 --> 01:13:22.991
and affect in a positive way

1539
01:13:23.026 --> 01:13:25.158
that will make you
think about yourself,

1540
01:13:25.193 --> 01:13:29.668
and really challenge how
you think about anything.

1541
01:13:31.969 --> 01:13:39.969
♪