WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[ Clanking ]

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[ Clanking continues ]

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[ Popstar Nima's "Joshua Tree"
plays ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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♪ I see his Joshua tree

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♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

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♪♪

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♪♪

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♪ I see his Joshua tree

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♪ I think he noticed me

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♪ I see his Joshua tree

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♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

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♪♪

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[ Cellphones ringing,
people talking ]

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[ Distorted ringing ]

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[ Echoing banging ]

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[ Distorted speech ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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♪♪

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[ Coughs ] Oh.

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[ Chains clinking ]

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[ Clattering ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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[ Groans ]

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♪♪

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Jesus.

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[ Chains rattling ]

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♪♪

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Jesus Christ.

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♪♪

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♪♪

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What the?

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[ Groans ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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What? Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

42
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Fuck.

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Shit.

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[ Grunts ]

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[ Strains ]

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[ Chains clanking ]

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[ Straining ]

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♪♪

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Oh.

50
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♪♪

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Oh. [ Panting ]

52
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[ Line ringing ]

53
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[ Line picks up ]

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Woman: Hey, babe.
What's taking so long?

55
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What's going on?
Where are you?

56
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Are you --
Are you safe?

57
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♪♪

58
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Hmm, yes, I'm safe.
I'm at home.

59
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Where are you?

60
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I'm at home.
I'm... just --

61
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just come up to the bedroom
and let me out.

62
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I don't know what the fuck
is happening.

63
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Wait. What?
Wait. You're...

64
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when did you get home?

65
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I -- I have no idea.

66
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You're in the bedroom?
Just come...

67
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can you just come
downstairs, please?

68
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I -- I --
I can't. I'm --

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I'm locked up.

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The door is locked?
No!

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No, I'm literally
chained up.

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I'm -- I'm locked up
with chains.

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Just -- Just come up
and let me out.

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Please. Please.

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Okay.
I'm coming.

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Okay. Thank you.
Thank you.

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♪♪

78
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So...

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where are you?

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I'm in the bedroom.

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I'm in the bedroom.

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No, you're not.

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What are you doing
right now?

84
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Honestly you had me
scared for a second.

85
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Look, is this because the store
didn't have any toilet paper?

86
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Because you know
you can just tell me.

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I swear everything
I'm telling you is true!

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I -- I --
Stop playing games.

89
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I was out for toilet paper. Exhausting.

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I got the toilet paper.

91
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You sound like
a crazy person.

92
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And now I'm...

93
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I'm chained to the bed!

94
00:06:01.622 --> 00:06:04.364
I -- I think it's
our bedroom.

95
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It looks like our bedroom.
I guess I don't know.

96
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I'm fucked.
I'm fucked right now.

97
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I'm --
I'm in trouble.

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♪♪

99
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So you're not
playing games?

100
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No! I need help.

101
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♪♪

102
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Okay. Um...
Well...

103
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Did you call the police?

104
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No! No.
I-I -- I called you first.

105
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I was worried.

106
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[ Muffled man's voice speaking ]

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Holy shit. Someone's coming.

108
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Oh, shit.
Babe?

109
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Wait what's happening?
Babe, what's happening?

110
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Um...Babe...
I-I -- I love you.

111
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♪♪

112
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Zookeeper, please put
on your protective gear.

113
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Listen.
I have money. I can --

114
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Put on
your protective gear.

115
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[ Chains rattling ]

116
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♪♪

117
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Come on, Zookeeper,
put it on.

118
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♪♪

119
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Like I said.
I...

120
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I have money.
I ca-- I can pay!

121
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Okay! Uhh...

122
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I-I don't know
what's going on.

123
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There's a virus,
Zookeeper.

124
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What?
That's what's going on.

125
00:07:43.767 --> 00:07:45.856
There's a virus.
Yeah.

126
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Yeah, I know that.

127
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Why do you keep calling me
Zookeeper?

128
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Swab?

129
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What?

130
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[ Slower ] Swab.

131
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♪♪

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[ Straining ]

133
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[ Chains rattling ]

134
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Okay! Okay.
Look.

135
00:08:08.096 --> 00:08:10.794
I know you don't think
you have it,

136
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but we need to be sure.

137
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Incubation periods,

138
00:08:14.058 --> 00:08:16.060
asymptomatic carriers,

139
00:08:16.104 --> 00:08:17.714
liars?

140
00:08:19.760 --> 00:08:21.413
I guess I can just take it
anally.

141
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♪♪

142
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There we go.

143
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♪♪

144
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What are you doing
with me?

145
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I'm keeping you safe.

146
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For now.

147
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You're at home.

148
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There's a safer at home
order.

149
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This isn't my home.

150
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My blanket is red,
not purple.

151
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♪♪

152
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Now you listen to me.

153
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You...here...
in your pajamas,

154
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abducting me,

155
00:09:04.631 --> 00:09:06.154
trying to intimidate me.

156
00:09:06.197 --> 00:09:09.287
You tell me what's happening
right this second

157
00:09:09.331 --> 00:09:11.725
and let me go!
Let me out of these chains,

158
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you coward!
You gutless, spineless --

159
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[ Both yelling ]

160
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Welcome to my personal hell,
Zookeeper!

161
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How about this, fucker?

162
00:09:20.124 --> 00:09:21.212
Huh, how about this?

163
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Tell me your crimes!

164
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Confess your crimes!What crimes?

165
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I didn't do anything!Confess, Zookeeper!

166
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Confess! Confess!
Confess! Confess!

167
00:09:31.092 --> 00:09:32.833
Why do you keep
calling me Zookeeper?

168
00:09:32.876 --> 00:09:35.575
I'm not a zookeeper!

169
00:09:35.618 --> 00:09:37.707
You have the wrong person.

170
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I swear you have
the wrong person.

171
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♪♪

172
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You're not a zookeeper?

173
00:09:46.107 --> 00:09:49.501
♪♪

174
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Well, I mean,
I wasa zookeeper.

175
00:09:51.373 --> 00:09:53.288
Ahh!
But that was back

176
00:09:53.331 --> 00:09:54.637
when I lived in
Cincinnati!

177
00:09:54.681 --> 00:09:57.422
I'm not the guy
you're looking for!

178
00:09:57.466 --> 00:09:58.772
Oh, we shall see,
Zookeeper.

179
00:09:58.815 --> 00:10:00.948
We shall see.
Yeah.

180
00:10:00.991 --> 00:10:03.646
But see right now,
you're in my playground.

181
00:10:03.690 --> 00:10:06.693
And you'll see that your time
here is much more pleasant

182
00:10:06.736 --> 00:10:08.042
if you just
follow the rules.

183
00:10:08.085 --> 00:10:10.435
And they're
very reasonable rules.

184
00:10:10.479 --> 00:10:11.828
I'm a good guy.

185
00:10:11.872 --> 00:10:15.702
All I want from you
is a confession.

186
00:10:15.745 --> 00:10:18.095
You confess.

187
00:10:18.139 --> 00:10:19.401
I'm the Zookeeper.

188
00:10:19.444 --> 00:10:21.011
What are you?

189
00:10:21.055 --> 00:10:24.406
♪♪

190
00:10:24.449 --> 00:10:25.973
I'm an economist.

191
00:10:31.500 --> 00:10:34.198
Okay.

192
00:10:34.242 --> 00:10:36.374
Fine.
You know, I'll just...

193
00:10:36.418 --> 00:10:37.680
have to get the confession
from you later.

194
00:10:37.724 --> 00:10:40.378
But do not --
do not betray my trust,

195
00:10:40.422 --> 00:10:42.816
Zookeeper.
I promise.

196
00:10:42.859 --> 00:10:45.209
I will not
betray your trust.

197
00:10:45.253 --> 00:10:47.472
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

198
00:10:47.516 --> 00:10:48.648
Thank you.
But...

199
00:10:48.691 --> 00:10:50.562
but can that go
two ways?

200
00:10:52.564 --> 00:10:53.696
What do you mean?

201
00:10:53.740 --> 00:10:56.394
I need a sign
of good faith.

202
00:10:56.438 --> 00:10:58.788
A sign of good faith?
[ Chuckles ]

203
00:10:58.832 --> 00:11:00.660
You want a sign of
good faith? Okay.

204
00:11:00.703 --> 00:11:02.618
Okay, I'll give you a sign
of good faith.

205
00:11:02.662 --> 00:11:04.359
I'll give you a fucking sign
of good faith!

206
00:11:04.402 --> 00:11:05.360
[ Both yelling ]

207
00:11:05.403 --> 00:11:07.579
[ Laughs ]
[ Shouts ]

208
00:11:07.623 --> 00:11:09.103
[ Forced laughter ]

209
00:11:12.584 --> 00:11:15.936
A -- A real sign
of good faith.

210
00:11:15.979 --> 00:11:17.720
[ Chuckles ]

211
00:11:17.764 --> 00:11:20.070
A banana...

212
00:11:20.114 --> 00:11:21.681
is a real sign
of good faith.

213
00:11:22.377 --> 00:11:23.639
[ Stammers ]

214
00:11:23.683 --> 00:11:25.597
Can't you loosen
these chains?

215
00:11:25.641 --> 00:11:28.513
You know, Let me sit down
somewhere a little more comf--

216
00:11:28.557 --> 00:11:30.646
or -- or lie down?

217
00:11:30.690 --> 00:11:32.866
Well I-I guess you did give me
the swab sample

218
00:11:32.909 --> 00:11:34.737
and I did not
have to take anally.

219
00:11:34.781 --> 00:11:36.086
Yeah.

220
00:11:36.130 --> 00:11:37.740
Thank you.

221
00:11:40.003 --> 00:11:41.309
Okay.

222
00:11:41.352 --> 00:11:42.919
Come downstairs when
you're ready to confess.

223
00:11:42.963 --> 00:11:44.138
Wait. Wait!

224
00:11:44.181 --> 00:11:45.487
Aren't --
Aren't you gonna --

225
00:11:45.530 --> 00:11:46.488
Aren't you gonna loosen
the chains?

226
00:11:46.531 --> 00:11:47.663
They're off.

227
00:11:47.707 --> 00:11:52.712
♪♪

228
00:11:56.019 --> 00:12:01.024
♪♪

229
00:12:04.419 --> 00:12:08.075
Okay. 9-1-1.

230
00:12:10.164 --> 00:12:11.121
[ Disconnect tone ]

231
00:12:11.165 --> 00:12:12.949
Operator: We're sorry.

232
00:12:12.993 --> 00:12:14.864
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected

233
00:12:14.908 --> 00:12:15.865
or is no longer in --

234
00:12:15.909 --> 00:12:19.651
[ Beeping ]

235
00:12:19.695 --> 00:12:22.176
[ Disconnect tone ]
Operator: We're sorry.

236
00:12:22.219 --> 00:12:24.526
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected

237
00:12:24.569 --> 00:12:26.571
or is no longer in service.

238
00:12:26.615 --> 00:12:31.620
♪♪

239
00:12:36.364 --> 00:12:41.369
♪♪

240
00:12:46.069 --> 00:12:47.854
Ahh.

241
00:12:47.897 --> 00:12:49.943
♪♪

242
00:12:49.986 --> 00:12:51.335
[ Whispering ] Jesus Christ.

243
00:12:51.379 --> 00:12:56.079
♪♪

244
00:12:56.123 --> 00:12:57.907
What the fuck.

245
00:12:57.951 --> 00:13:02.956
♪♪

246
00:13:03.391 --> 00:13:08.396
[ Bass booming in distance ]

247
00:13:11.399 --> 00:13:15.098
[ Faint singing in distance ]

248
00:13:15.142 --> 00:13:20.147
♪♪

249
00:13:25.761 --> 00:13:29.460
[ Muffled music continues ]

250
00:13:29.504 --> 00:13:34.509
♪♪

251
00:13:38.121 --> 00:13:43.126
♪♪

252
00:13:46.738 --> 00:13:51.743
♪♪

253
00:13:55.356 --> 00:13:56.748
[ Bass thumping stops ]

254
00:13:56.792 --> 00:14:00.274
[ Faint singing in distance
continues ]

255
00:14:00.317 --> 00:14:05.322
♪♪

256
00:14:10.066 --> 00:14:15.071
[ Bass thumping restarts ]

257
00:14:17.813 --> 00:14:21.121
[ Muffled ]
♪ I see his Joshua tree

258
00:14:21.164 --> 00:14:25.212
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree♪

259
00:14:25.255 --> 00:14:28.824
♪ I see his Joshua tree

260
00:14:28.868 --> 00:14:32.741
♪ I think he noticed me

261
00:14:32.784 --> 00:14:35.831
♪ I see his Joshua tree

262
00:14:35.875 --> 00:14:39.748
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree♪

263
00:14:39.790 --> 00:14:43.230
[ Music stops ]

264
00:14:47.538 --> 00:14:50.890
Economist: [ In distance ]
I fucking love that song!

265
00:14:50.933 --> 00:14:52.761
[ Shouts ]

266
00:15:01.509 --> 00:15:04.555
♪♪

267
00:15:04.599 --> 00:15:08.255
Ahh!
Confession time?

268
00:15:08.298 --> 00:15:09.952
Oh.
Lunch is keeping warm

269
00:15:09.996 --> 00:15:11.649
in the oven
if you want some.

270
00:15:11.693 --> 00:15:16.698
♪♪

271
00:15:19.875 --> 00:15:24.880
♪♪

272
00:15:27.709 --> 00:15:30.103
Hey, come here.
Take a look at this meme.

273
00:15:33.367 --> 00:15:34.846
I've been developing it
for some time now

274
00:15:34.890 --> 00:15:36.457
and I really think
it's gonna change

275
00:15:36.500 --> 00:15:38.502
the course
of the war-- Hey!

276
00:15:40.809 --> 00:15:43.203
We are still testing
your sample.

277
00:15:46.771 --> 00:15:48.817
Is that a children's
chemistry set?

278
00:15:53.604 --> 00:15:56.520
Just...

279
00:15:56.564 --> 00:15:58.696
take a look at -- take --
look -- look at this meme.

280
00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:01.308
Okay?

281
00:16:01.351 --> 00:16:04.833
♪♪

282
00:16:04.876 --> 00:16:06.269
Now. [ Sniffles ]

283
00:16:06.313 --> 00:16:10.186
What I've discovered is that
you can take any quote

284
00:16:10.230 --> 00:16:12.101
and it becomes
ten times funnier

285
00:16:12.145 --> 00:16:14.886
if you say that it was spoken
the day before 9/11.

286
00:16:14.930 --> 00:16:19.195
[ Laughs ]

287
00:16:19.239 --> 00:16:23.939
[ Gibbers, laughs ]

288
00:16:26.072 --> 00:16:28.335
[ Snorts ]

289
00:16:28.378 --> 00:16:32.730
[ Laughs ]

290
00:16:32.774 --> 00:16:35.298
9/11 jokes aren't funny.

291
00:16:35.342 --> 00:16:37.387
That's serious stuff.

292
00:16:37.431 --> 00:16:39.999
Says the guy hugging toilet
paper like it's his teddy bear.

293
00:16:41.957 --> 00:16:43.567
I need this.

294
00:16:43.611 --> 00:16:44.960
I need this a lot more
than you need

295
00:16:45.004 --> 00:16:47.310
to be making memes
right now.

296
00:16:47.354 --> 00:16:49.312
It's my job.

297
00:16:49.356 --> 00:16:50.748
I'm a professional.

298
00:16:50.792 --> 00:16:52.272
I thought you said
you were an economist.

299
00:16:52.315 --> 00:16:53.447
I'm a meme economist.

300
00:16:53.490 --> 00:16:54.796
That's not a thing.

301
00:16:54.839 --> 00:16:57.233
Then what the fuck
am I doing right now?!

302
00:17:00.715 --> 00:17:03.022
Fuck.

303
00:17:06.286 --> 00:17:08.069
Alright just...

304
00:17:08.114 --> 00:17:10.420
come here and just take a look
at this meme, huh?

305
00:17:17.210 --> 00:17:19.167
I used to work for the
Ministry of Propaganda

306
00:17:19.212 --> 00:17:22.824
before I got fired
by the Overlords.

307
00:17:22.867 --> 00:17:24.391
Propaganda?

308
00:17:24.434 --> 00:17:26.784
Memes are just propaganda.
You know?

309
00:17:26.828 --> 00:17:28.917
Information or
misinformation,

310
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:31.876
or a diversion, you know,
hidden in a joke or a picture.

311
00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:33.835
Whatever.

312
00:17:33.878 --> 00:17:36.098
But I think this is
my best meme yet.

313
00:17:36.142 --> 00:17:38.753
Once this hits the masses?

314
00:17:38.796 --> 00:17:42.235
[ Sighs ] Imagine all those
people on the Internet.

315
00:17:42.278 --> 00:17:43.584
All finding quotes.

316
00:17:43.627 --> 00:17:47.675
Helping the war effort?

317
00:17:47.718 --> 00:17:49.372
It's absolutely beautiful.

318
00:17:49.416 --> 00:17:52.680
♪♪

319
00:17:52.723 --> 00:17:56.205
Are you making those memes
in Microsoft Paint?

320
00:18:11.525 --> 00:18:14.745
You know, you're being
rather judgmental, Zookeeper.

321
00:18:14.789 --> 00:18:19.315
Sure you don't have anything
you wanna confess now?

322
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:23.580
I confess that
memes are stupid.

323
00:18:23.624 --> 00:18:27.018
[ Laughs ]

324
00:18:27.062 --> 00:18:30.500
Memes are civilization's
foremost method

325
00:18:30.544 --> 00:18:32.154
of communication.

326
00:18:32.198 --> 00:18:33.982
He who disregards
the memes

327
00:18:34.025 --> 00:18:35.549
disregards life itself.

328
00:18:35.592 --> 00:18:36.898
Are you fucking kidding?

329
00:18:36.941 --> 00:18:39.161
[ Slams ]
You know what?

330
00:18:39.205 --> 00:18:40.467
I think you should
make a meme.

331
00:18:40.510 --> 00:18:41.555
No.
Yeah!

332
00:18:41.598 --> 00:18:43.122
Come on.
What do you say?

333
00:18:43.165 --> 00:18:45.080
Tell me what your favorite quote
is and we'll pretend

334
00:18:45.124 --> 00:18:46.995
that it inspired 9/11.
Huh?

335
00:18:47.038 --> 00:18:48.953
I'm not doing this.Come on, make a meme.

336
00:18:48.997 --> 00:18:50.259
No, this is ridiculous.

337
00:18:50.303 --> 00:18:51.521
Come on make a meme!

338
00:18:51.565 --> 00:18:52.783
What are you saying?
You know.

339
00:18:52.827 --> 00:18:54.872
Look. Hey.
You say you want answers?

340
00:18:54.916 --> 00:18:56.352
You know, you wanna know
what you're doing here?

341
00:18:56.396 --> 00:18:58.398
Do me a favor.
Make a meme.

342
00:18:58.441 --> 00:19:00.008
Make a meme, make a meme,
make a meme, meme, meme.

343
00:19:00.051 --> 00:19:01.270
Make a meme, make a meme,
make a meme, meme, meme.

344
00:19:01.314 --> 00:19:04.230
Make a meme-I swore an oath, okay?

345
00:19:04.273 --> 00:19:07.407
I have a bad history
with them and I swore

346
00:19:07.450 --> 00:19:09.148
I would never
make memes.

347
00:19:09.191 --> 00:19:11.367
Ever.

348
00:19:11.411 --> 00:19:13.543
Well...

349
00:19:13.587 --> 00:19:15.719
that is a silly thing...

350
00:19:15.763 --> 00:19:17.330
to make an oath for.

351
00:19:17.373 --> 00:19:20.898
♪♪

352
00:19:20.942 --> 00:19:24.728
Well I did.

353
00:19:24.772 --> 00:19:28.167
Are you sure...
there isn't something

354
00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:29.733
that you wanna confess?

355
00:19:29.777 --> 00:19:34.782
♪♪

356
00:19:39.090 --> 00:19:40.657
Okay.

357
00:19:42.746 --> 00:19:44.095
Come on.

358
00:19:44.139 --> 00:19:45.358
Let's, uh...

359
00:19:45.401 --> 00:19:46.968
Let's look outside.

360
00:19:47.011 --> 00:19:52.016
♪♪

361
00:19:56.760 --> 00:20:01.765
♪♪

362
00:20:06.553 --> 00:20:08.294
[ Tapping ]

363
00:20:08.337 --> 00:20:12.036
♪♪

364
00:20:12.080 --> 00:20:14.822
Look outside.
What do you see?

365
00:20:14.865 --> 00:20:19.130
People? No.
Why? Because everyone's at home.

366
00:20:19.174 --> 00:20:21.350
No one's going anywhere
and no one's doing anything.

367
00:20:21.394 --> 00:20:23.222
Couples should be walking by,
holding hands,

368
00:20:23.265 --> 00:20:25.267
and then waving to us
as if to say,

369
00:20:25.311 --> 00:20:27.835
"Hey, everything's okay,"
but everything's not okay.

370
00:20:27.878 --> 00:20:30.229
Everything's fucked.

371
00:20:30.272 --> 00:20:32.143
Murder hornets.
Carole Baskin.

372
00:20:32.187 --> 00:20:33.667
When did everything start
getting fucked, huh?

373
00:20:33.710 --> 00:20:35.016
Doesn't that seem
strange to you?

374
00:20:35.059 --> 00:20:38.193
Everything being fucked up
all the time?

375
00:20:38.237 --> 00:20:41.370
The world's gonna end.
The world's gonna end.

376
00:20:43.329 --> 00:20:45.766
You realize that, right?

377
00:20:45.809 --> 00:20:49.160
Everything?
Destroyed?

378
00:20:49.204 --> 00:20:52.599
And it's all happening
for a reason.

379
00:20:52.642 --> 00:20:53.817
Hey. Hey!

380
00:20:53.861 --> 00:20:55.471
Are you listening
to me?

381
00:20:55.515 --> 00:20:57.560
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm listening.

382
00:20:57.604 --> 00:20:59.606
I just...
I don't see what...

383
00:20:59.649 --> 00:21:01.869
memes have to do
with the end of the world.

384
00:21:08.745 --> 00:21:10.921
Go. Move!
No!

385
00:21:11.835 --> 00:21:12.923
[ Grunts ]

386
00:21:12.967 --> 00:21:17.972
♪♪

387
00:21:21.497 --> 00:21:22.803
[ Slam ]

388
00:21:22.846 --> 00:21:25.719
♪♪

389
00:21:25.762 --> 00:21:28.330
I don't think
you fucking understand.

390
00:21:28.374 --> 00:21:29.940
This is it.
It's fucking over.

391
00:21:29.984 --> 00:21:32.900
Everything you know and love
is gonna fucking die!

392
00:21:32.943 --> 00:21:34.205
And this battlefield?

393
00:21:34.249 --> 00:21:35.642
It's not a real battlefield
some place

394
00:21:35.685 --> 00:21:39.036
with, like, grass and water
and sand and shit.

395
00:21:39.080 --> 00:21:40.647
The battlefield is here.

396
00:21:40.690 --> 00:21:43.040
♪♪

397
00:21:43.084 --> 00:21:47.654
We are in the midst
of the great meme war.

398
00:21:47.697 --> 00:21:49.699
Memes from all around
the world.

399
00:21:49.743 --> 00:21:51.310
All around the galaxy...
the universe...

400
00:21:51.353 --> 00:21:54.356
from every culture
and era,

401
00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:57.403
all clashing right now
in one final battle for mankind.

402
00:21:57.446 --> 00:22:02.233
♪♪

403
00:22:02.277 --> 00:22:06.063
Let me try and take you
through it, okay?

404
00:22:06.107 --> 00:22:07.630
You don't give a shit
about the Internet.

405
00:22:07.674 --> 00:22:08.936
That's fucking fine.

406
00:22:08.979 --> 00:22:10.416
I don't care.
Go fuck yourself, alright?

407
00:22:10.459 --> 00:22:12.243
But you know who thinks
it's the greatest shit ever?

408
00:22:12.287 --> 00:22:15.159
Yeah? India.
Pakistan.

409
00:22:15.203 --> 00:22:16.509
The Planet of
Galgalon Prime.

410
00:22:16.552 --> 00:22:17.901
Any fucking shitty
third world country

411
00:22:17.945 --> 00:22:19.555
that just got an Internet
connection, alright?

412
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:21.905
And they're being ushered into
the world of memes, alright?

413
00:22:21.949 --> 00:22:24.778
Without any context
of how to understand it.

414
00:22:24.821 --> 00:22:26.301
We live in the era
of the post-ironic meme.

415
00:22:26.345 --> 00:22:27.911
Alright?

416
00:22:27.955 --> 00:22:29.696
First there was the classic era,
then there was the ironic era,

417
00:22:29.739 --> 00:22:31.262
and now there's
the post-ironic era.

418
00:22:31.306 --> 00:22:33.395
Okay? Where memes don't make
any fucking sense.

419
00:22:33.439 --> 00:22:34.483
Okay. You know.
It doesn't matter

420
00:22:34.527 --> 00:22:35.919
if they're funny
or reverent.

421
00:22:35.963 --> 00:22:37.181
It doesn't fucking matter.
Okay?

422
00:22:37.225 --> 00:22:39.140
As long as it exists
it's a fucking meme.

423
00:22:39.183 --> 00:22:40.794
But those third world fuckers?
Who are, like,

424
00:22:40.837 --> 00:22:42.926
logging onto the Internet
for the first fucking time?

425
00:22:42.970 --> 00:22:44.319
Those fucks? Yeah!

426
00:22:44.363 --> 00:22:47.888
See, our post-ironic era
is their classic era.

427
00:22:47.931 --> 00:22:50.412
You know? And they have
no context to understand

428
00:22:50.456 --> 00:22:52.414
where the memes
first developed from.

429
00:22:52.458 --> 00:22:53.894
So they're just fucking
making memes.

430
00:22:53.937 --> 00:22:55.417
Just going along.
Copying whatever they see.

431
00:22:55.461 --> 00:22:56.897
And they're not making
any fucking sense.

432
00:22:56.940 --> 00:22:58.289
And here the weird thing,
alright?

433
00:22:58.333 --> 00:23:00.117
Because memes never made
any fucking sense

434
00:23:00.161 --> 00:23:03.773
in the first fucking place!

435
00:23:03.817 --> 00:23:06.689
So how to you tell
the good memes

436
00:23:06.733 --> 00:23:10.127
from the shitty
third world memes?

437
00:23:10.171 --> 00:23:11.564
You fucking can't!

438
00:23:11.607 --> 00:23:13.043
You can't tell
the difference.

439
00:23:13.087 --> 00:23:14.654
No one can! Alright?
No one knows what's happening

440
00:23:14.697 --> 00:23:16.351
or which fucking side
they're on.

441
00:23:16.395 --> 00:23:18.614
Do you have any idea how many
fucking people live in India?

442
00:23:18.658 --> 00:23:21.617
You have any idea?
1.3 billion fucking people!

443
00:23:21.661 --> 00:23:24.794
1.3 billion. If each one of them
makes 10 memes every day

444
00:23:24.838 --> 00:23:26.405
for an entire year,
you end up with

445
00:23:26.448 --> 00:23:29.190
4.75 trillion fucking memes!

446
00:23:29.233 --> 00:23:30.713
Trillion with a fucking T!

447
00:23:30.757 --> 00:23:32.062
How the fuck do you compete
with that?

448
00:23:32.106 --> 00:23:33.977
How do you fucking compete?
You can't!

449
00:23:34.021 --> 00:23:36.676
You can't compete
with fucking India! Fuck!

450
00:23:36.719 --> 00:23:39.853
Those little fucking Bangladesh
little fucking bitches!

451
00:23:39.896 --> 00:23:42.333
Those fucking bitches!

452
00:23:42.377 --> 00:23:44.292
God damn it!

453
00:23:44.335 --> 00:23:47.034
[ Wails ]

454
00:23:47.077 --> 00:23:49.950
You won't confess
for your crimes.

455
00:23:49.993 --> 00:23:51.821
[ Distorted ] You won't make
a fucking meme with me?

456
00:23:51.865 --> 00:23:55.651
If you got drafted
into the great meme war

457
00:23:55.695 --> 00:24:00.221
you would have to make
42.2 memes every fucking day

458
00:24:00.264 --> 00:24:04.660
just for us to maintain
production with fucking India.

459
00:24:04.704 --> 00:24:06.967
Oh, my god.

460
00:24:07.010 --> 00:24:10.492
Oh, my god.
Fuck India.

461
00:24:10.536 --> 00:24:11.667
♪♪

462
00:24:11.711 --> 00:24:13.364
Fuck you!

463
00:24:13.408 --> 00:24:15.366
Fuck you and fucking India!

464
00:24:15.410 --> 00:24:18.718
♪♪

465
00:24:18.761 --> 00:24:21.111
[ Whimpers ]

466
00:24:21.155 --> 00:24:24.854
[ Sobbing ]

467
00:24:24.898 --> 00:24:27.161
♪♪

468
00:24:27.204 --> 00:24:29.206
Okay.

469
00:24:29.250 --> 00:24:32.209
If I make a meme...

470
00:24:32.253 --> 00:24:35.430
will you promise to tell me what
the fuck you're talking about?

471
00:24:35.474 --> 00:24:37.258
You'll explain everything?

472
00:24:41.044 --> 00:24:43.960
[ Whimpers ]

473
00:24:44.004 --> 00:24:46.876
[ Sighs ]

474
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:51.228
"Be the change you wish
to see in the world." Gandhi.

475
00:24:52.012 --> 00:24:54.841
♪♪

476
00:24:54.884 --> 00:24:57.321
September 10th, 2001.

477
00:24:57.365 --> 00:25:02.370
♪♪

478
00:25:03.371 --> 00:25:08.376
[ Slowly begins to laugh ]

479
00:25:09.116 --> 00:25:14.121
♪♪

480
00:25:21.258 --> 00:25:23.565
Okay.

481
00:25:23.609 --> 00:25:27.395
Why am I in a place
that looks like my house?

482
00:25:27.438 --> 00:25:29.528
But I know it's not.

483
00:25:29.571 --> 00:25:34.271
And why is time and reality
bending in front of my eyes?

484
00:25:37.405 --> 00:25:40.495
Wrong question.

485
00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:42.541
And what would
the right question be?

486
00:25:46.893 --> 00:25:49.460
Well.

487
00:25:49.504 --> 00:25:51.680
You said you wanted to get to
the bottom of everything, right?

488
00:25:51.724 --> 00:25:53.682
You wanna understand
everything?

489
00:25:53.726 --> 00:25:57.077
Why don't you let me ask you
some questions, huh?

490
00:25:57.120 --> 00:25:59.601
Where did it all start?

491
00:25:59.645 --> 00:26:01.168
All what?

492
00:26:01.211 --> 00:26:02.561
What do you mean,
all what?

493
00:26:06.652 --> 00:26:10.569
Oh.
A wet market in Wuhan.

494
00:26:10.612 --> 00:26:13.484
No.

495
00:26:13.528 --> 00:26:16.487
I guess, well, you know,
nobody can be certain.

496
00:26:16.531 --> 00:26:17.706
What do you think?

497
00:26:17.750 --> 00:26:20.317
A bio-lab in Wuhan?

498
00:26:20.361 --> 00:26:23.669
No.

499
00:26:23.712 --> 00:26:25.845
You think this was the
Chinese government or something?

500
00:26:25.888 --> 00:26:28.325
That they released this
on purpose?

501
00:26:28.369 --> 00:26:30.153
Nope.
American government?

502
00:26:30.197 --> 00:26:31.590
Come on, Zookeeper.
Alright?

503
00:26:31.633 --> 00:26:33.069
You're thinking too
short-sighted, you know?

504
00:26:33.113 --> 00:26:34.723
I need you to think bigger.
You know?

505
00:26:34.767 --> 00:26:35.811
Where do you think
it all began?

506
00:26:35.855 --> 00:26:37.378
Come on.
All of it.

507
00:26:37.421 --> 00:26:41.512
♪♪

508
00:26:41.556 --> 00:26:44.994
It was a --
a wet market in Wuhan.

509
00:26:45.038 --> 00:26:47.127
Unsanitary conditions.

510
00:26:47.170 --> 00:26:49.651
You know, bats and dogs
and pangolins

511
00:26:49.695 --> 00:26:51.522
all shitting
on each other and --

512
00:26:51.566 --> 00:26:53.350
and getting cooked
in the street.

513
00:26:53.394 --> 00:26:56.658
No! No!
Before that, Zookeeper!

514
00:26:56.702 --> 00:26:58.921
Before that! Look.
Okay.

515
00:26:58.965 --> 00:27:00.531
Okay, look.
Here's the thing.

516
00:27:00.575 --> 00:27:03.447
I need you to think about
the thing that happened

517
00:27:03.491 --> 00:27:06.537
that everybody
was talking about. Okay?

518
00:27:06.581 --> 00:27:08.452
The crisis that took
the world by storm.

519
00:27:08.496 --> 00:27:10.629
Before the virus.

520
00:27:10.672 --> 00:27:13.588
♪♪

521
00:27:13.632 --> 00:27:17.331
Um...
I don't know.

522
00:27:17.374 --> 00:27:19.463
Australian wildfires?

523
00:27:19.507 --> 00:27:21.422
Ahhh.

524
00:27:21.465 --> 00:27:24.904
[ Laughs ]
See, you do remember.

525
00:27:24.947 --> 00:27:27.210
The wildfires
didn't cause coronavirus.

526
00:27:27.254 --> 00:27:29.038
I didn't say that
they caused it.

527
00:27:29.082 --> 00:27:30.605
No. But...

528
00:27:30.649 --> 00:27:34.087
before the wildfires. Right?
What happened before that?

529
00:27:34.130 --> 00:27:35.523
I...
I don't remember.

530
00:27:35.566 --> 00:27:37.177
Yeah, you do.
Come on.

531
00:27:37.220 --> 00:27:39.179
What was the thing?
What was the crisis?

532
00:27:39.222 --> 00:27:42.051
Uhhh...

533
00:27:42.095 --> 00:27:43.792
Oh! Uh, World War III.

534
00:27:43.836 --> 00:27:45.489
We were gonna go to war
with Iran.

535
00:27:45.533 --> 00:27:47.404
Yeah! See. That's it.
Keep going. Think bigger.

536
00:27:47.448 --> 00:27:50.233
Ukraine? Impeachment?Keep going.

537
00:27:50.277 --> 00:27:51.495
You're saying these things
are connected?

538
00:27:51.539 --> 00:27:54.629
Come on! Keep going.
Keep going.

539
00:27:54.673 --> 00:27:57.980
Before that?
[ Blows raspberry ]

540
00:27:58.024 --> 00:27:59.547
Cats.
Yes.

541
00:27:59.590 --> 00:28:01.244
The Hong Kong protests.

542
00:28:01.288 --> 00:28:02.855
School shootings.
Yeah.

543
00:28:02.898 --> 00:28:04.726
Jeffrey Epstein
killed himself.

544
00:28:04.770 --> 00:28:05.727
No, he didn't.

545
00:28:05.771 --> 00:28:06.989
Right.
Of course.

546
00:28:07.033 --> 00:28:08.730
Alright, keep going.
Before that.

547
00:28:08.774 --> 00:28:09.731
[ Hisses ]

548
00:28:09.775 --> 00:28:12.603
[ Sighs ]

549
00:28:12.647 --> 00:28:14.170
Trump's election?

550
00:28:14.214 --> 00:28:17.260
I mean, sure. That was
part of it. Yeah.

551
00:28:17.304 --> 00:28:20.437
Before that, uh...
I don't know.

552
00:28:20.481 --> 00:28:22.744
I mean, things got pretty weird
sometimes.

553
00:28:22.788 --> 00:28:25.791
But ever since then, that's when
the crazy shit

554
00:28:25.834 --> 00:28:27.662
really started picking up.

555
00:28:27.706 --> 00:28:30.230
♪♪

556
00:28:30.273 --> 00:28:31.927
You're saying that's where
this started?

557
00:28:31.971 --> 00:28:33.276
You're not making sense.

558
00:28:33.320 --> 00:28:35.626
You said
you would make sense.

559
00:28:35.670 --> 00:28:37.193
It's all Trump's fault?

560
00:28:37.237 --> 00:28:40.109
♪♪

561
00:28:40.153 --> 00:28:42.938
There was one more thing
before Trump.

562
00:28:42.982 --> 00:28:45.767
You really think memes
have no relevance?

563
00:28:45.811 --> 00:28:50.293
Think that a meme economist
can't have any insight?

564
00:28:50.337 --> 00:28:55.342
♪♪

565
00:29:01.609 --> 00:29:04.830
It was the most important meme
of them all.

566
00:29:04.873 --> 00:29:08.659
The meme that ushered the world
into the post-ironic era --

567
00:29:08.703 --> 00:29:10.966
the era that doesn't
make any sense.

568
00:29:11.010 --> 00:29:13.534
Stop it with all this meme
bullshit, okay?

569
00:29:13.577 --> 00:29:15.449
It was the flashpoint.

570
00:29:15.492 --> 00:29:17.190
Shut up.
The genesis.

571
00:29:17.233 --> 00:29:18.495
Shut up.

572
00:29:18.539 --> 00:29:20.149
You caused it all,
Zookeeper.

573
00:29:20.193 --> 00:29:21.455
Shut the fuck up.

574
00:29:21.498 --> 00:29:22.978
You killed him,
didn't you?

575
00:29:23.022 --> 00:29:24.719
I didn't do anything wrong.

576
00:29:24.763 --> 00:29:25.981
It was you.

577
00:29:26.025 --> 00:29:28.157
Let me go.
To my real house.

578
00:29:28.201 --> 00:29:30.290
Not wherever I am now.Confess.

579
00:29:30.333 --> 00:29:33.249
I'm a good person, okay?
I did the right thing!

580
00:29:33.293 --> 00:29:34.903
Confess! Confess!
Confess!

581
00:29:34.947 --> 00:29:36.513
This is bullshit.Confess! Confess!

582
00:29:36.557 --> 00:29:38.689
Confess! Confess!
Confess! Confess!

583
00:29:38.733 --> 00:29:40.213
Confess! Confess!

584
00:29:40.256 --> 00:29:43.085
Okay!
O-fucking-kay.

585
00:29:43.129 --> 00:29:45.305
I shot Harambe!

586
00:29:45.348 --> 00:29:47.220
I shot him
in the fucking head!

587
00:29:47.263 --> 00:29:48.830
I'm the guy!

588
00:29:48.874 --> 00:29:52.355
[ Screams ]

589
00:29:52.399 --> 00:29:54.314
What the fuck
are you talking about?

590
00:29:54.357 --> 00:29:56.055
I started everything?

591
00:29:56.098 --> 00:29:59.319
Trump? The coronavirus?
The shootings? Fuck you!

592
00:29:59.362 --> 00:30:00.668
It's the truth!

593
00:30:00.711 --> 00:30:02.365
I saved a boy's life.

594
00:30:02.409 --> 00:30:05.586
I saved a
3-year-old boy's life.

595
00:30:05.629 --> 00:30:07.849
You should have
let him die.

596
00:30:07.893 --> 00:30:09.372
You're an idiot.

597
00:30:09.416 --> 00:30:13.115
You're a stupid fucking
asshole idiot!

598
00:30:13.159 --> 00:30:14.551
And I'm leaving.

599
00:30:14.595 --> 00:30:15.901
Lockdown, fuck face.

600
00:30:15.944 --> 00:30:17.859
There's a safer
at home order.

601
00:30:17.903 --> 00:30:20.688
That doesn't mean
I can't leave!

602
00:30:20.731 --> 00:30:22.733
You can't kidnap somebody
just because

603
00:30:22.777 --> 00:30:24.387
there's a safer
at home order!

604
00:30:24.431 --> 00:30:26.476
Have you forgotten
who has the gun, here?

605
00:30:26.520 --> 00:30:29.349
Fuck you!
And fuck your gun.

606
00:30:29.392 --> 00:30:31.133
I'd rather be shot
in the back of the head

607
00:30:31.177 --> 00:30:33.179
like that piece of shit
Harambe

608
00:30:33.222 --> 00:30:35.529
than stay here
another god damn second.

609
00:30:35.572 --> 00:30:38.401
[ Grunts ][ Shouts ] Fuck you!

610
00:30:38.445 --> 00:30:39.489
Fuck you!

611
00:30:39.533 --> 00:30:41.840
Fuck you!
Fuck you!

612
00:30:41.883 --> 00:30:43.232
Fuck you!

613
00:30:43.276 --> 00:30:44.886
Fuck you, murderer!

614
00:30:44.930 --> 00:30:46.888
Murderer?
I'm a hero!

615
00:30:46.932 --> 00:30:49.499
That's kid's alive
because of me.

616
00:30:49.543 --> 00:30:51.893
♪♪

617
00:30:51.937 --> 00:30:56.202
Who are you?
Really? Really?

618
00:30:56.245 --> 00:30:59.945
I'm a monkey who was fired
by the monkey Overlords

619
00:30:59.988 --> 00:31:04.601
from the Ministry of Propaganda
and I want revenge.

620
00:31:04.645 --> 00:31:08.779
♪♪

621
00:31:08.823 --> 00:31:11.130
No. No. You?

622
00:31:11.173 --> 00:31:13.219
You're just a crazy
Internet troll

623
00:31:13.262 --> 00:31:15.090
who decided to
hunt me down.

624
00:31:15.134 --> 00:31:16.875
Well here's what
you should do.

625
00:31:16.918 --> 00:31:20.269
Just accept that I did
the right thing.

626
00:31:20.313 --> 00:31:23.185
I did something more
significant and meaningful

627
00:31:23.229 --> 00:31:25.100
than you'll ever do.

628
00:31:25.144 --> 00:31:27.929
♪♪

629
00:31:27.973 --> 00:31:31.280
Okay. Sure.

630
00:31:31.324 --> 00:31:35.632
So, I guess that means that
you're innocent and free to go.

631
00:31:35.676 --> 00:31:36.938
Right?

632
00:31:36.982 --> 00:31:38.897
So fuck off.

633
00:31:38.940 --> 00:31:40.202
Get the fuck out of here.

634
00:31:40.246 --> 00:31:41.508
Don't forget
the toilet paper.

635
00:31:41.551 --> 00:31:43.075
It's super important,
isn't it?

636
00:31:43.118 --> 00:31:44.728
Shut up.

637
00:31:50.256 --> 00:31:52.606
♪♪

638
00:31:52.649 --> 00:31:54.042
Hi.

639
00:31:54.086 --> 00:31:59.091
♪♪

640
00:32:03.704 --> 00:32:05.271
God damn it!

641
00:32:05.314 --> 00:32:10.319
♪♪

642
00:32:11.538 --> 00:32:13.148
No, no.

643
00:32:13.192 --> 00:32:16.325
♪♪

644
00:32:16.369 --> 00:32:19.111
[ Laughs ]

645
00:32:19.154 --> 00:32:23.115
No! Please!

646
00:32:23.158 --> 00:32:25.726
Oh, you think you're so smart,
don't you?

647
00:32:26.857 --> 00:32:29.512
[ Screams ]

648
00:32:29.556 --> 00:32:32.167
[ Sobs ]

649
00:32:32.211 --> 00:32:37.216
♪♪

650
00:32:38.957 --> 00:32:40.741
[ Sobbing ]

651
00:32:40.784 --> 00:32:43.787
You thought you were just,
like, free to go?

652
00:32:43.831 --> 00:32:47.182
The chains came off
and you could just leave?

653
00:32:47.226 --> 00:32:52.231
♪♪

654
00:32:53.232 --> 00:32:56.626
In this house,

655
00:32:56.670 --> 00:32:58.280
you can go
wherever you wanna go,

656
00:32:58.324 --> 00:33:02.197
you can do
whatever you wanna do.

657
00:33:02.241 --> 00:33:04.112
But you can't leave.

658
00:33:04.156 --> 00:33:06.375
Not till I'm finished
with you.

659
00:33:06.419 --> 00:33:08.116
See, this is
my playground.

660
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:10.336
♪♪

661
00:33:10.379 --> 00:33:15.297
And I have a rendezvous
with the Overlords.

662
00:33:15.341 --> 00:33:17.952
And I need to tell them
that...

663
00:33:17.996 --> 00:33:20.694
that we need to make a deal.

664
00:33:20.737 --> 00:33:25.742
Because I have
the Zookeeper.

665
00:33:27.875 --> 00:33:32.836
♪♪

666
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:34.577
[ Whimpers ]

667
00:33:34.621 --> 00:33:38.886
♪♪

668
00:33:47.112 --> 00:33:48.243
Hey Overlords.

669
00:33:48.287 --> 00:33:51.507
It's me. Ya boy.

670
00:33:51.551 --> 00:33:53.466
Remember me?
The guy you threw into prison?

671
00:33:53.509 --> 00:33:56.034
Have I got a surprise for you --
Oh, fuck, that's stupid.

672
00:33:56.077 --> 00:33:57.600
Shit.

673
00:33:57.644 --> 00:34:00.081
[ Sighs ]

674
00:34:00.125 --> 00:34:03.432
Just do it, just do it.
[ Blows air ]

675
00:34:03.476 --> 00:34:05.782
Yeah, they're gonna be happy
to hear from you.

676
00:34:11.005 --> 00:34:12.137
[ Disconnect tone ]

677
00:34:12.179 --> 00:34:14.007
Operator: We're sorry.

678
00:34:14.052 --> 00:34:15.922
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected

679
00:34:15.966 --> 00:34:18.882
or is no longer in service.

680
00:34:18.926 --> 00:34:20.493
What the fuck?

681
00:34:23.887 --> 00:34:27.108
Zookeeper: So he has no idea
I'm able to call you.

682
00:34:27.152 --> 00:34:29.067
Wife: But you can't
call the police?

683
00:34:29.110 --> 00:34:31.330
No. No.
I tried, but it --

684
00:34:31.373 --> 00:34:33.723
my phone just acts like it's
disconnected or something.

685
00:34:33.766 --> 00:34:35.072
Yeah. Wait. Yeah.
Because I've been trying

686
00:34:35.116 --> 00:34:36.596
to call you for hours
and it says that the number

687
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:39.077
isn't even in service.

688
00:34:39.120 --> 00:34:43.733
So I can call you,
but nothing else.

689
00:34:43.777 --> 00:34:45.257
Look, I've been talking
to the police

690
00:34:45.300 --> 00:34:48.085
and they're searching.
Okay? So don't worry.

691
00:34:48.129 --> 00:34:50.000
Thanks, babe.
[ Sighs ]

692
00:34:50.043 --> 00:34:52.132
I love you so much.

693
00:34:52.177 --> 00:34:55.571
I love you, too.

694
00:34:55.614 --> 00:34:59.009
There is something else
that the police told me but...

695
00:34:59.053 --> 00:35:01.142
♪♪

696
00:35:01.186 --> 00:35:03.492
[ Sighs ] I don't know
if you want to hear it.

697
00:35:03.536 --> 00:35:06.060
Hey. Hey.
You know --

698
00:35:06.104 --> 00:35:08.976
you know you can be
honest with me.

699
00:35:09.019 --> 00:35:11.457
I know. I know.This is important.

700
00:35:11.500 --> 00:35:13.285
We can't hide things
right now.

701
00:35:13.328 --> 00:35:15.896
♪♪

702
00:35:15.939 --> 00:35:18.116
There are others missing.

703
00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:21.684
Others?
Others like who?

704
00:35:21.728 --> 00:35:23.904
Like a bunch of people who
worked at the Cincinnati Zoo.

705
00:35:23.947 --> 00:35:25.601
Like ten of them.

706
00:35:25.645 --> 00:35:27.386
They all went missing over
the last few months and I...

707
00:35:27.429 --> 00:35:30.128
I don't know. I guess that
maybe we were so distracted

708
00:35:30.171 --> 00:35:32.086
with the virus
and stuff that we missed it?

709
00:35:32.130 --> 00:35:33.870
Plus --
Plus the toilet paper.

710
00:35:33.914 --> 00:35:35.263
We are all out.
Okay?

711
00:35:35.307 --> 00:35:36.656
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

712
00:35:36.699 --> 00:35:38.745
So what happened?

713
00:35:38.788 --> 00:35:41.356
I finished it all.
I'm sorry.

714
00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:43.271
What?
The toilet paper.

715
00:35:43.315 --> 00:35:45.186
I finished it.
No, no, no.

716
00:35:45.230 --> 00:35:48.102
My old co-workers.
What happened to them?

717
00:35:48.146 --> 00:35:50.931
Oh! Yeah. Nobody knows.
They're gone.

718
00:35:50.974 --> 00:35:52.802
The police think that
this guy's hunting people

719
00:35:52.846 --> 00:35:55.065
who worked there,
but they don't know why.

720
00:35:55.109 --> 00:35:57.416
♪♪

721
00:35:57.459 --> 00:36:00.245
[ Sighs ]

722
00:36:00.288 --> 00:36:01.898
I know why.

723
00:36:01.942 --> 00:36:04.205
[ Sighs ]

724
00:36:04.249 --> 00:36:07.861
And he was only
hunting one.

725
00:36:07.904 --> 00:36:12.387
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Okay, okay.

726
00:36:12.431 --> 00:36:14.128
Umm. Okay.
I promise the police

727
00:36:14.172 --> 00:36:16.130
are looking
for the house, okay?

728
00:36:16.174 --> 00:36:18.132
And look, they said that if
it's an exact replica,

729
00:36:18.176 --> 00:36:19.916
then that should
be easy to find. Shit!

730
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:22.092
I don't know why they haven't
found it yet.

731
00:36:22.136 --> 00:36:23.572
I can't believe this.
Okay, you just went out

732
00:36:23.616 --> 00:36:25.139
for a regular trip
to the grocery store.

733
00:36:25.183 --> 00:36:27.010
Now this?
Oh, my god!

734
00:36:27.054 --> 00:36:28.360
You should be here with me
right now.

735
00:36:28.403 --> 00:36:29.839
You should be here with me
with the --

736
00:36:29.883 --> 00:36:32.625
With the toilet paper.
Yeah. Yeah. I know.

737
00:36:32.668 --> 00:36:36.106
[ Sighs ]

738
00:36:36.150 --> 00:36:37.586
Babe.

739
00:36:37.630 --> 00:36:39.936
I'm bringing home
this toilet paper to you.

740
00:36:39.980 --> 00:36:43.157
I'm not dropping the ball
this time.

741
00:36:43.201 --> 00:36:46.813
Wait.This time?
What does that mean?

742
00:36:46.856 --> 00:36:50.773
No, no, no.
I -- I -- I mean...

743
00:36:50.817 --> 00:36:53.298
I'm bringing home
the toilet paper to you.

744
00:36:53.341 --> 00:36:55.125
Because it's important.

745
00:36:55.169 --> 00:36:58.172
And this asshole
isn't stopping me.

746
00:36:58.216 --> 00:37:00.261
♪♪

747
00:37:00.305 --> 00:37:01.567
I'm taking action.

748
00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:04.483
You know I can take action,
right?

749
00:37:04.526 --> 00:37:06.441
He's such an idiot.

750
00:37:06.485 --> 00:37:09.270
Letting me walk around
like this.

751
00:37:09.314 --> 00:37:11.794
[ Sighs ]

752
00:37:11.838 --> 00:37:13.927
I love you, babe.

753
00:37:13.970 --> 00:37:15.189
I love you so much.

754
00:37:15.233 --> 00:37:16.973
More than
you can ever know.

755
00:37:17.017 --> 00:37:19.802
♪♪

756
00:37:19.846 --> 00:37:21.413
I love you too, babe.

757
00:37:21.456 --> 00:37:25.243
[ Water running ]

758
00:37:26.374 --> 00:37:27.549
[ Sighs ]

759
00:37:27.593 --> 00:37:29.899
You can do this.

760
00:37:29.943 --> 00:37:32.554
[ Exhales deeply ]

761
00:37:34.904 --> 00:37:35.949
[ Water stops ]

762
00:37:38.734 --> 00:37:40.606
God damn it!

763
00:37:40.649 --> 00:37:45.654
♪♪

764
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:49.876
Economist: Come on,
you piece of shit phone.

765
00:37:49.919 --> 00:37:52.487
Why don't you call?

766
00:37:52.531 --> 00:37:53.923
Why don't you?

767
00:37:53.967 --> 00:37:56.012
Fucking.

768
00:37:56.056 --> 00:37:58.493
God damn it.

769
00:37:58.537 --> 00:38:01.670
Fuck you.

770
00:38:01.714 --> 00:38:04.107
Hey.

771
00:38:04.151 --> 00:38:06.371
I want to apologize.

772
00:38:06.414 --> 00:38:08.590
I was, um...

773
00:38:08.634 --> 00:38:10.462
wrong to judge you.

774
00:38:10.505 --> 00:38:13.943
And make fun of your memes.

775
00:38:13.987 --> 00:38:16.294
I'm just a little confused
right now

776
00:38:16.337 --> 00:38:19.384
and under a lot of pressure
if you can't tell.

777
00:38:19.427 --> 00:38:21.647
[ Clears throat ]

778
00:38:21.690 --> 00:38:26.565
I was upset when you threw
those accusations at me and...

779
00:38:26.608 --> 00:38:30.133
I hope you'll understand
it's...

780
00:38:30.177 --> 00:38:34.964
it's not easy to accept
fault sometimes.

781
00:38:35.008 --> 00:38:36.575
Well, it's important.

782
00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:41.449
Your test came back
negative.

783
00:38:41.493 --> 00:38:43.451
Come here.
Take a look at this meme.

784
00:38:43.495 --> 00:38:46.236
♪♪

785
00:38:46.280 --> 00:38:47.673
[ Laughs ]

786
00:38:47.716 --> 00:38:51.720
"Beware the Jabberwock,"
Lewis Carroll. [ Laughs ]

787
00:38:51.764 --> 00:38:53.374
The day before 9/11.

788
00:38:53.418 --> 00:38:58.379
♪♪

789
00:39:01.426 --> 00:39:02.949
You don't like
Lewis Carroll?

790
00:39:02.992 --> 00:39:07.997
♪♪

791
00:39:09.521 --> 00:39:10.913
Okay!

792
00:39:10.957 --> 00:39:12.393
Okay.

793
00:39:12.437 --> 00:39:15.396
Whatever you're doing,
Stop.

794
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:18.051
Just let me go.
Let me out of here.

795
00:39:20.706 --> 00:39:23.404
Hey.
I'll shoot you!

796
00:39:23.448 --> 00:39:25.537
It wouldn't be the first time,
remember?

797
00:39:25.580 --> 00:39:30.716
[ Whoosh ][ Gasps ]

798
00:39:30.759 --> 00:39:32.413
♪♪

799
00:39:32.457 --> 00:39:34.894
Economist:
You never learn, Zookeeper.

800
00:39:34.937 --> 00:39:38.767
I give you freedom because
you have no power here.

801
00:39:38.811 --> 00:39:40.769
What's going on?

802
00:39:40.813 --> 00:39:43.424
How is any of this
possible?

803
00:39:43.468 --> 00:39:45.774
You want another explanation?

804
00:39:45.818 --> 00:39:47.297
We already went down that
rabbit hole

805
00:39:47.341 --> 00:39:50.300
and you walked out on me.

806
00:39:50.344 --> 00:39:51.867
This is impossible!

807
00:39:51.911 --> 00:39:54.783
No. Eating your own ass
is impossible.

808
00:39:54.827 --> 00:39:57.220
[ Whimpers ]
How do you do that?

809
00:39:57.264 --> 00:39:59.484
You're in a computer
simulation, dumbass.

810
00:39:59.527 --> 00:40:01.311
That's not true!

811
00:40:01.355 --> 00:40:02.487
Your gun is a banana now.

812
00:40:02.530 --> 00:40:04.271
[ Screams ]

813
00:40:04.314 --> 00:40:07.274
♪♪

814
00:40:07.317 --> 00:40:08.536
Let me out.
I don't --

815
00:40:08.580 --> 00:40:10.669
I don't want to be in here
anymore.

816
00:40:10.712 --> 00:40:13.367
Tough shit.
I don't want to be here either.

817
00:40:13.759 --> 00:40:16.326
[ Grunts ]

818
00:40:16.370 --> 00:40:17.850
♪♪

819
00:40:17.893 --> 00:40:19.504
Then let's leave!

820
00:40:19.547 --> 00:40:21.593
Just go back home.

821
00:40:21.636 --> 00:40:24.247
Back to my wife.
Back to reality.

822
00:40:24.291 --> 00:40:25.771
That's a simulation too!

823
00:40:25.814 --> 00:40:27.468
There is no Earth anymore.

824
00:40:27.512 --> 00:40:29.165
Earth is gone.

825
00:40:29.209 --> 00:40:31.298
H-How? Why?

826
00:40:31.341 --> 00:40:34.388
Data collection.Of what?

827
00:40:34.432 --> 00:40:36.782



828
00:40:36.825 --> 00:40:38.348
like their own would react
to a series

829
00:40:38.392 --> 00:40:40.742
of catastrophic scenarios.

830
00:40:40.786 --> 00:40:42.483
Intelligent species?

831
00:40:42.527 --> 00:40:46.008
Viruses. Terrorist attacks.
Natural disasters.

832
00:40:46.052 --> 00:40:50.012
And guess what?
It's almost over!

833
00:40:50.056 --> 00:40:51.492
They have their information.

834
00:40:51.536 --> 00:40:53.407
They tested every scenario!

835
00:40:53.451 --> 00:40:56.236
Wildfires. Coronavirus.
Meme war.

836
00:40:56.279 --> 00:40:57.933
Boom! Done!

837
00:40:57.977 --> 00:41:01.197
So it's ending? Then --
then things go back to normal?

838
00:41:01.241 --> 00:41:03.591
No!
Don't you understand?

839
00:41:03.635 --> 00:41:05.375
They don't need you
anymore!

840
00:41:05.419 --> 00:41:07.290
They're ending
the simulation!

841
00:41:07.334 --> 00:41:09.031
Reformatting
the hard drive.

842
00:41:09.075 --> 00:41:10.859
It's over.

843
00:41:10.903 --> 00:41:13.819
[ Sobbing ]

844
00:41:13.862 --> 00:41:16.169
[ Hyperventilating ]

845
00:41:16.212 --> 00:41:17.692
I, Donald John Trump --

846
00:41:17.736 --> 00:41:18.824
grab 'em by the pussy --

847
00:41:18.867 --> 00:41:20.521
do solemnly swear.

848
00:41:20.565 --> 00:41:22.610
[ Panting ]

849
00:41:22.654 --> 00:41:25.700
Basket of deplorables.
Racist. Sexist.

850
00:41:25.744 --> 00:41:27.659
I love kids
jumping on my lap.

851
00:41:27.702 --> 00:41:32.054
♪♪

852
00:41:32.098 --> 00:41:33.534
[ Gunfire ]

853
00:41:33.578 --> 00:41:36.232
[ Sobbing ]
Why did they choose us?

854
00:41:36.276 --> 00:41:37.799
Why did they choose us?

855
00:41:37.843 --> 00:41:41.411
♪♪

856
00:41:41.455 --> 00:41:43.675
Because I shot a gorilla?

857
00:41:43.718 --> 00:41:48.723
♪♪

858
00:41:51.291 --> 00:41:53.554
Not any gorilla.

859
00:41:53.598 --> 00:41:55.948
The royal gorilla.

860
00:41:55.991 --> 00:41:59.429
First in line
for the throne.

861
00:41:59.473 --> 00:42:00.953
What the fuck!

862
00:42:00.996 --> 00:42:02.998
♪♪

863
00:42:03.042 --> 00:42:04.826
Our prince was only on earth
as part of a foreign

864
00:42:04.870 --> 00:42:06.088
exchange program,

865
00:42:06.132 --> 00:42:07.394
learning your culture.

866
00:42:07.437 --> 00:42:10.440
He was a Simian of culture!
Shot dead!

867
00:42:10.484 --> 00:42:12.921
An undisputed
declaration of war!

868
00:42:12.965 --> 00:42:15.358
So the Overlords took
your planet, destroyed it,

869
00:42:15.402 --> 00:42:17.578
and re-uploaded it
onto a computer server,

870
00:42:17.622 --> 00:42:19.580
along with everyone's
digital consciousness.

871
00:42:19.624 --> 00:42:21.147
You never even knew it happened.

872
00:42:21.190 --> 00:42:23.845
They decided to use your planet
as a testing ground --

873
00:42:23.889 --> 00:42:25.151
introduce stimuli,

874
00:42:25.194 --> 00:42:27.849
study it, take notes,
like rats in a maze.

875
00:42:27.893 --> 00:42:30.330
And you know what happens
to rats in a maze, don't you?

876
00:42:30.373 --> 00:42:33.507
They're disposed of once
they're no longer useful.

877
00:42:33.551 --> 00:42:37.467
Wait. You're an alien
anda monkey?

878
00:42:37.511 --> 00:42:39.731
Duh!
My skin right now?

879
00:42:39.774 --> 00:42:41.471
This is just
a virtual avatar.

880
00:42:41.515 --> 00:42:42.908
You think I wanna
look like this?

881
00:42:42.951 --> 00:42:44.126
Look like you?

882
00:42:44.170 --> 00:42:45.606
You don't look like me.

883
00:42:45.650 --> 00:42:46.999
What?
Of course I do.

884
00:42:47.042 --> 00:42:48.696
All you people
look the same.

885
00:42:48.740 --> 00:42:50.176
Jesus Christ.

886
00:42:50.219 --> 00:42:51.612
Jesus Christ?

887
00:42:51.656 --> 00:42:54.963
So you enslave us
but pray to our gods?

888
00:42:55.007 --> 00:42:57.052
Jesus Christ was
a bonobo ape, you dope,

889
00:42:57.096 --> 00:42:59.620
and you killed him too!
Now, listen to me!

890
00:42:59.664 --> 00:43:02.405
I was the leading meme economist
at the Ministry of Propaganda,

891
00:43:02.449 --> 00:43:04.756
but I couldn't contain
the spread of Harambe memes.

892
00:43:04.799 --> 00:43:05.974
No one could have done it.

893
00:43:06.018 --> 00:43:07.541
It was an impossible task.

894
00:43:07.585 --> 00:43:09.021
The royal family experienced

895
00:43:09.064 --> 00:43:11.327
not just the heartbreaking loss
of their prince,

896
00:43:11.371 --> 00:43:14.635
but complete humiliation on
the interstellar Internet too.

897
00:43:14.679 --> 00:43:16.811
So I was punished.
They sent me here,

898
00:43:16.855 --> 00:43:18.508
to a virtual
and isolated prison.

899
00:43:18.552 --> 00:43:20.206
A prison for my mind,

900
00:43:20.249 --> 00:43:23.470
built on the very computer
server now housing humanity.

901
00:43:23.513 --> 00:43:25.211
And honestly?
I don't blame them.

902
00:43:25.254 --> 00:43:27.169
I blame you.

903
00:43:27.213 --> 00:43:29.476
Years I've waited.
Going mad.

904
00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:31.521
Nothing to do and no one
to talk to.

905
00:43:31.565 --> 00:43:33.828
And knowing that the eventual
end of the simulation

906
00:43:33.872 --> 00:43:35.525
would mean my end as well.

907
00:43:35.569 --> 00:43:36.918
So with time,
I found a way

908
00:43:36.962 --> 00:43:39.355
to hack into the coding
of my virtual prison.

909
00:43:39.399 --> 00:43:41.836
I learned to bend its reality
to my will.

910
00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:45.318
I started by spawning food,
a bed, material comforts.

911
00:43:45.361 --> 00:43:49.539
And with time,
my power over this domain grew.

912
00:43:49.583 --> 00:43:51.716
On rare occasions,
I learned to cross over,

913
00:43:51.759 --> 00:43:53.195
and for brief moments,

914
00:43:53.239 --> 00:43:55.676
I could pass into
the larger human simulation.

915
00:43:55.720 --> 00:43:58.374
And I had only one mission --

916
00:43:58.418 --> 00:44:00.202
to find you, Zookeeper.

917
00:44:00.246 --> 00:44:02.378
The man who uprooted my life
and cost me everything.

918
00:44:02.422 --> 00:44:05.468
The man who sent me here
to my own personal hell!

919
00:44:05.512 --> 00:44:08.167
And when I present your digital
consciousness to the Overlords?

920
00:44:08.210 --> 00:44:17.263
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
I will earn back my freedom!

921
00:44:17.306 --> 00:44:22.311
♪♪

922
00:44:24.574 --> 00:44:29.579
♪♪

923
00:44:31.016 --> 00:44:34.323
So I've been kidnapped
by an alien monkey economist.

924
00:44:34.367 --> 00:44:36.499
Yeah.

925
00:44:36.543 --> 00:44:38.588
On the verge of
the apocalypse.

926
00:44:38.632 --> 00:44:40.199
Mm-hmm.

927
00:44:40.242 --> 00:44:43.811
Where my wife, my friends,
and my family are gonna die?

928
00:44:43.855 --> 00:44:45.595
Yeah.
But not me.

929
00:44:45.639 --> 00:44:48.555
And not you yet either,
because I'm using you

930
00:44:48.598 --> 00:44:50.165
as leverage
against the Overlords.

931
00:44:50.209 --> 00:44:54.430
In 2016, the Overlords
tried to find you,

932
00:44:54.474 --> 00:44:57.085
but the Cincinnati Zoo did
such a good job of hiding you

933
00:44:57.129 --> 00:44:58.608
that they couldn't find you
and they had to give up.

934
00:44:58.652 --> 00:45:02.264
[ Laughs ]Wait, wait, wait, wait.

935
00:45:02.308 --> 00:45:05.180
You said
I'm not gonna die...yet?

936
00:45:05.224 --> 00:45:06.834
Well, I can't imagine

937
00:45:06.878 --> 00:45:08.270
that the Overlords
are gonna be kind to you

938
00:45:08.314 --> 00:45:09.837
when they get their hands
on you, Zookeeper.

939
00:45:09.881 --> 00:45:12.666
No, no, no. You can't just
hand me over to them.

940
00:45:12.710 --> 00:45:14.624
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I totally can.

941
00:45:14.668 --> 00:45:16.278
You ruined my life.

942
00:45:16.322 --> 00:45:20.065
I won't go.
I won't let you touch me.

943
00:45:20.108 --> 00:45:22.284
Yeah, see,
I think you forgot something.

944
00:45:22.328 --> 00:45:24.678
I can, like, make a baseball
bat, like, spawn out of nowhere

945
00:45:24.722 --> 00:45:26.898
into my hands and just beat
the living shit out of you,

946
00:45:26.941 --> 00:45:30.553
so I think you'll go wherever
I tell you to go.

947
00:45:30.597 --> 00:45:32.947
Fuck!

948
00:45:32.991 --> 00:45:35.950
Can't you just...
look into your heart?

949
00:45:35.994 --> 00:45:39.998
Please?
Find some forgiveness?

950
00:45:40.041 --> 00:45:41.695
Forgiveness?

951
00:45:47.309 --> 00:45:48.876
Forgiveness.

952
00:45:54.186 --> 00:45:57.885
You know how you mentioned
Jesus Christ before?

953
00:45:59.626 --> 00:46:03.021
Well, as far
as I'm concerned,

954
00:46:03.064 --> 00:46:06.111
I am awaiting the return
of the one and only savior

955
00:46:06.154 --> 00:46:08.983
Harambe himself.

956
00:46:09.027 --> 00:46:10.811
And after he returns
and tells us

957
00:46:10.855 --> 00:46:15.294
what the meaning of life is,
then and only then,

958
00:46:15.337 --> 00:46:17.383
would I consider
putting our differences aside.

959
00:46:17.426 --> 00:46:20.212
But if I were you, I would not
keep my fingers crossed,

960
00:46:20.255 --> 00:46:22.997
because I don't think he's gonna
be lowering from the heavens

961
00:46:23.041 --> 00:46:25.173
anytime soon
to absolve us of our sins.

962
00:46:25.217 --> 00:46:28.350
So, please, you'll have to
excuse me if I don't roll over

963
00:46:28.394 --> 00:46:30.483
and die in this virtual prison
just because

964
00:46:30.526 --> 00:46:32.833
you're throwing yourself
some sort of pity party.

965
00:46:32.877 --> 00:46:34.487
I don't understand.

966
00:46:34.530 --> 00:46:36.315
Don't you control
the simulation?

967
00:46:36.358 --> 00:46:38.012
Can't you stop it
from ending?

968
00:46:38.056 --> 00:46:40.710
Okay. No.
We are not in the simulation.

969
00:46:40.754 --> 00:46:42.495
We are adjacent
to the simulation,

970
00:46:42.538 --> 00:46:47.326
on the same hard drive,
in the prison that I hacked.

971
00:46:47.369 --> 00:46:49.197
Look.

972
00:46:49.241 --> 00:46:52.548
Stop trying to negotiate
with me.

973
00:46:52.592 --> 00:46:56.770
Zookeeper,
you are fucked.

974
00:46:56.814 --> 00:46:58.250
I am meeting with
the Overlords

975
00:46:58.293 --> 00:46:59.817
and I am going
to make the exchange,

976
00:46:59.860 --> 00:47:02.863
and there is nothing
that you can do about it.

977
00:47:02.907 --> 00:47:07.868
♪♪

978
00:47:14.788 --> 00:47:16.268
You say this is my fault?

979
00:47:16.311 --> 00:47:18.139
I do.
You know what I think?

980
00:47:18.183 --> 00:47:21.229
I don't.

981
00:47:21.273 --> 00:47:24.972
I think this is your fault.[ Laughs ]

982
00:47:25.016 --> 00:47:28.497
My fault? You think this is
my -- okay. Okay.

983
00:47:28.541 --> 00:47:31.892
Yeah. You and
the stupid Overlords!

984
00:47:31.936 --> 00:47:35.504
One gorilla dies and you
genocide an entire planet?

985
00:47:35.548 --> 00:47:37.115
We needed the data!
Alright?

986
00:47:37.158 --> 00:47:38.638
Like, we were gonna go
to another planet,

987
00:47:38.681 --> 00:47:39.813
but you fucked up.

988
00:47:39.857 --> 00:47:42.294
No, you fucked up.

989
00:47:42.337 --> 00:47:44.078
Aren't you the guy
who's supposed to control

990
00:47:44.122 --> 00:47:45.558
the floodgate of memes?

991
00:47:45.601 --> 00:47:49.344
Mister fucking
meme economist? Huh?

992
00:47:49.388 --> 00:47:51.869
And you're so proud
of the prison

993
00:47:51.912 --> 00:47:53.827
that you've seized
control over.

994
00:47:53.871 --> 00:47:55.437
Well, tell me this.

995
00:47:55.481 --> 00:47:58.701
How come you weren't afraid
of the gun

996
00:47:58.745 --> 00:48:00.834
but you were afraid
of the virus?

997
00:48:00.878 --> 00:48:02.444
What's up with that?

998
00:48:02.488 --> 00:48:04.055
It's a computer virus.

999
00:48:04.098 --> 00:48:09.103
♪♪

1000
00:48:09.799 --> 00:48:11.932
Well, your world in here
still sucks.

1001
00:48:11.976 --> 00:48:13.760
It's state of the art,
bitch.

1002
00:48:13.803 --> 00:48:15.805
[ Blows raspberry ]
Bugging out.

1003
00:48:15.849 --> 00:48:18.373
Bumping into doors and shit
wherever I go?

1004
00:48:18.417 --> 00:48:20.114
Fuck you! Alright?
It does its job.

1005
00:48:20.158 --> 00:48:21.768
It keeps you isolated.

1006
00:48:21.811 --> 00:48:22.856
Oh, does it, now?

1007
00:48:22.900 --> 00:48:24.336
Yeah. It does.

1008
00:48:24.379 --> 00:48:27.295
Then how come I was able
to call my wife?

1009
00:48:27.339 --> 00:48:28.949
Huh?

1010
00:48:28.993 --> 00:48:33.780
♪♪

1011
00:48:33.823 --> 00:48:35.477
You can't call
your wife.

1012
00:48:35.521 --> 00:48:37.044
I know you have
that phone.

1013
00:48:37.088 --> 00:48:39.351
But you can't use the phone.
The phone doesn't work here.

1014
00:48:39.394 --> 00:48:42.223
Go ahead! Call your wife.
The phone does not work!

1015
00:48:42.267 --> 00:48:44.878
Motherfucker,
I called her twice!

1016
00:48:44.922 --> 00:48:50.057
♪♪

1017
00:48:50.101 --> 00:48:51.493
What?

1018
00:48:51.537 --> 00:48:53.626
[ Laughs ] Yeah!
And she's got the police

1019
00:48:53.669 --> 00:48:54.975
looking for me
and everything,

1020
00:48:55.019 --> 00:48:56.237
and I know they're not
gonna find me,

1021
00:48:56.281 --> 00:49:00.154
but still.
You had no idea.

1022
00:49:00.198 --> 00:49:02.765
That...that's not possible.

1023
00:49:02.809 --> 00:49:04.680
Oh, yeah?
Well maybe I should

1024
00:49:04.724 --> 00:49:06.769
just call her
right now, huh?

1025
00:49:06.813 --> 00:49:11.818
♪♪

1026
00:49:13.080 --> 00:49:16.344
I said maybe I should call her
right now?

1027
00:49:22.437 --> 00:49:24.700
The -- the firewall's
malfunctioning.

1028
00:49:24.744 --> 00:49:26.876
All the inputs and outputs
are crossing.

1029
00:49:26.920 --> 00:49:28.704
The whole code
is going haywire!

1030
00:49:28.748 --> 00:49:30.271
Wait, what does that mean?

1031
00:49:30.315 --> 00:49:32.708
It means some fucked up shit
is happening right now?

1032
00:49:32.752 --> 00:49:34.406
Like what?

1033
00:49:36.103 --> 00:49:37.104
Oh.

1034
00:49:37.148 --> 00:49:40.629
Like that.
Oh, no.

1035
00:49:40.673 --> 00:49:42.370
No, no, no, no, no shit!

1036
00:49:42.414 --> 00:49:44.416
What's going on?
I think...

1037
00:49:44.459 --> 00:49:46.287
I think the Overlords
are reformatting

1038
00:49:46.331 --> 00:49:49.029
the hard drive,
like, right now.

1039
00:49:49.073 --> 00:49:51.597
They're destroying
the whole simulation now?

1040
00:49:51.640 --> 00:49:55.383
Overlords!
I have the Zookeeper!

1041
00:49:55.427 --> 00:49:57.037
Can you, like,
take us out of here?

1042
00:49:57.081 --> 00:49:58.212
You know?

1043
00:49:58.256 --> 00:50:00.736
Before it all ends,
please?

1044
00:50:00.780 --> 00:50:02.608
So they're not
coming for us?

1045
00:50:02.651 --> 00:50:07.352
Overlords!
I have the Zookeeper!

1046
00:50:07.395 --> 00:50:09.571
Overlords!

1047
00:50:09.615 --> 00:50:12.270
Wait.
So you never talked to them,

1048
00:50:12.313 --> 00:50:13.923
did you?
Shut up.

1049
00:50:13.967 --> 00:50:16.274
You couldn't call 'cause
your phone didn't work!

1050
00:50:16.317 --> 00:50:17.623
Shut the fuck up!

1051
00:50:17.666 --> 00:50:20.278
So you're just gonna die
like the rest of us!

1052
00:50:20.321 --> 00:50:21.714
Fuck you!
Just shut up!

1053
00:50:21.757 --> 00:50:23.455
That's what you get!

1054
00:50:23.498 --> 00:50:26.936
Using a hero like me
as leverage to go free!

1055
00:50:26.980 --> 00:50:30.331
While I get tortured
and killed by monkeys!

1056
00:50:30.375 --> 00:50:32.333
Okay.
I ran a diagnostic test.

1057
00:50:32.377 --> 00:50:34.596
This is how much time
we have until the world ends.

1058
00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:38.818
[ Glitching, computer beeping ]

1059
00:50:38.861 --> 00:50:40.211
Now, I need you
to call your wife.

1060
00:50:40.254 --> 00:50:41.560
What? Why?

1061
00:50:41.603 --> 00:50:42.909
The whole simulation is
breaking down

1062
00:50:42.952 --> 00:50:44.258
and disintegrating
until there's nothing.

1063
00:50:44.302 --> 00:50:45.694
Okay? You understand that?
That's why you can call

1064
00:50:45.738 --> 00:50:47.435
your wife even though
I programmed it

1065
00:50:47.479 --> 00:50:49.046
so you could not do that.
Alright?

1066
00:50:49.089 --> 00:50:51.004
It's because of the breakdown
in the code

1067
00:50:51.048 --> 00:50:53.615
that every connection is
falling apart and going haywire.

1068
00:50:53.659 --> 00:50:56.792
Now, clearly, some connections
are working and some are not.

1069
00:50:56.836 --> 00:50:58.620
That is why I need you
to call your wife

1070
00:50:58.664 --> 00:51:00.144
so that I can hack
into the program

1071
00:51:00.187 --> 00:51:02.276
and fill in all the stupid
little fucking holes.

1072
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:04.104
You want to take the call
to my wife

1073
00:51:04.148 --> 00:51:05.975
and re-route
it to the Overlords?

1074
00:51:06.019 --> 00:51:07.151
Yes.
That's right.

1075
00:51:07.194 --> 00:51:08.500
That's exactly what
I want you to do.

1076
00:51:08.543 --> 00:51:09.979
And I want you to do that
before this gets to zero

1077
00:51:10.023 --> 00:51:11.590
and everything goes poof.

1078
00:51:11.633 --> 00:51:15.985
♪♪

1079
00:51:16.029 --> 00:51:18.466
Why in the hell
would I do that?

1080
00:51:18.510 --> 00:51:21.339
Why shouldn't I let you die here
with the rest of us?

1081
00:51:21.382 --> 00:51:23.123
Call your wife.
No.

1082
00:51:23.167 --> 00:51:25.169
Call your wife,
Zookeeper!

1083
00:51:25.212 --> 00:51:27.823
No!We are running out of time!

1084
00:51:27.867 --> 00:51:30.130
Alright? We need to re-route
the connection!

1085
00:51:30.174 --> 00:51:31.697
God damn it!

1086
00:51:31.740 --> 00:51:35.657
♪♪

1087
00:51:35.701 --> 00:51:37.877
Don't you wanna
say goodbye to her?

1088
00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:42.925
♪♪

1089
00:51:44.971 --> 00:51:46.277
Okay.
Good.

1090
00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:47.539
But.
What?

1091
00:51:47.582 --> 00:51:48.888
I want something
from you first.

1092
00:51:48.931 --> 00:51:50.803
Before I make the call.

1093
00:51:50.846 --> 00:51:55.460
I want you to admit to me,
right here, right now,

1094
00:51:55.503 --> 00:51:57.244
that everything
that's happened --

1095
00:51:57.288 --> 00:51:59.333
the extinction of
homo sapiens,

1096
00:51:59.377 --> 00:52:00.508
the apocalypse,

1097
00:52:00.552 --> 00:52:02.336
it's all your fault!

1098
00:52:02.380 --> 00:52:03.990
Not mine.

1099
00:52:04.033 --> 00:52:09.038
♪♪

1100
00:52:12.085 --> 00:52:16.916
Fine.
Okay, fucking fine!

1101
00:52:16.959 --> 00:52:19.614
I've got her on speed dial.
I mean, of course I do.

1102
00:52:19.658 --> 00:52:21.529
She's my wife.

1103
00:52:21.573 --> 00:52:23.357
♪♪

1104
00:52:23.401 --> 00:52:26.230
Wife: I'm so scared, baby.
I don't know what's going on.

1105
00:52:26.273 --> 00:52:27.579
Things are vanishing around
the house

1106
00:52:27.622 --> 00:52:29.189
without me touching them.

1107
00:52:29.233 --> 00:52:32.671
I keep appearing
in random hallways.

1108
00:52:32.714 --> 00:52:34.281
I told you.
That's the hard drive

1109
00:52:34.325 --> 00:52:36.936
getting reformatted. What does that mean?

1110
00:52:36.979 --> 00:52:39.547
I don't understand
and I'm scared!

1111
00:52:39.591 --> 00:52:42.637
It -- It means...
[ Sighs ]

1112
00:52:43.595 --> 00:52:46.685
it means you should try to
call your mom and dad.

1113
00:52:46.728 --> 00:52:48.426
Say goodbye.

1114
00:52:48.469 --> 00:52:51.559
Babe?
Baby, I love you

1115
00:52:51.603 --> 00:52:54.736
so much.
You have no idea.

1116
00:52:54.780 --> 00:52:57.261
I wish I could see your face
one more time.

1117
00:52:57.304 --> 00:53:01.874
Just to kiss you
and love you again.

1118
00:53:05.834 --> 00:53:07.445
Babe?

1119
00:53:09.708 --> 00:53:11.449
Babe?

1120
00:53:11.492 --> 00:53:15.017
You...
you wanna what?

1121
00:53:15.061 --> 00:53:16.628
Really? Why?

1122
00:53:19.761 --> 00:53:22.111
Um...

1123
00:53:22.155 --> 00:53:25.202
She -- She --
She wants to talk to you.

1124
00:53:35.037 --> 00:53:38.824
Wife:
So you're that kidnapper...

1125
00:53:38.867 --> 00:53:42.262
economist guy?

1126
00:53:42.306 --> 00:53:45.918
Yeah.
That's me. Hi.

1127
00:53:45.961 --> 00:53:50.096
Can you --
Can you just clarify things?

1128
00:53:50.139 --> 00:53:51.793
Because
I don't understand.

1129
00:53:51.837 --> 00:53:54.622
Babe! I already explained
everything to you

1130
00:53:54.666 --> 00:53:57.234
exactly how he explained
it to me.

1131
00:53:57.277 --> 00:53:59.540
No I --
I want to hear it from him.

1132
00:53:59.584 --> 00:54:00.976
Babe --
No. I've got this.

1133
00:54:01.020 --> 00:54:03.109
I've got this.
Alright? Uh...

1134
00:54:03.152 --> 00:54:06.199
simulation,
catastrophic scenarios,

1135
00:54:06.243 --> 00:54:10.508
data collection,
destruction, done.

1136
00:54:10.551 --> 00:54:12.684
[ Static ]

1137
00:54:12.727 --> 00:54:14.033
And I'm gonna die?

1138
00:54:14.076 --> 00:54:15.382
Yeah.

1139
00:54:15.426 --> 00:54:16.514
Everyone's gonna die?

1140
00:54:16.557 --> 00:54:18.777
Yeah.

1141
00:54:18.820 --> 00:54:20.822
Why?

1142
00:54:20.866 --> 00:54:22.215
How could you do this to us?

1143
00:54:22.259 --> 00:54:24.957
Babe, that's exactly
what I've been asking.

1144
00:54:25.000 --> 00:54:28.265
They're just a bunch of
incompetent, butt-hurt monkeys!

1145
00:54:28.308 --> 00:54:29.570
What? No!

1146
00:54:29.614 --> 00:54:31.572
You're the bloodthirsty
Zookeeper.

1147
00:54:31.616 --> 00:54:33.487
No way!
Babe, tell him!

1148
00:54:33.531 --> 00:54:36.142
Tell him who's fault
this really is!

1149
00:54:36.185 --> 00:54:41.190
♪♪

1150
00:54:42.714 --> 00:54:46.108
Babe?

1151
00:54:46.152 --> 00:54:49.938
Well...
I -- I mean you --

1152
00:54:49.982 --> 00:54:53.855
You shot the gorilla.

1153
00:54:53.899 --> 00:54:56.380
What? You're actually
taking his side?

1154
00:54:56.423 --> 00:54:57.511
[ Laughs ]
The right side.

1155
00:54:57.555 --> 00:54:58.947
I'm just saying I don't know.

1156
00:54:58.991 --> 00:55:01.733
You should be taking
my side!

1157
00:55:01.776 --> 00:55:03.561
I don't know!

1158
00:55:03.604 --> 00:55:05.650
It might be his fault, sure!

1159
00:55:05.693 --> 00:55:07.129
But maybe it's yours!

1160
00:55:07.173 --> 00:55:09.784
I mean, have you even
considered that?

1161
00:55:09.828 --> 00:55:12.047
The world is ending and there
are other people in it

1162
00:55:12.091 --> 00:55:13.397
other than you.

1163
00:55:13.440 --> 00:55:16.313
Are we really doing this
right now? Really?

1164
00:55:16.356 --> 00:55:17.705
I'm not doing anything.

1165
00:55:17.749 --> 00:55:19.751
Of course you are!
Um...

1166
00:55:19.794 --> 00:55:21.927
Oh, I am, am I?
Oh, yeah?

1167
00:55:21.970 --> 00:55:23.450
Well, tell me, babe.

1168
00:55:23.494 --> 00:55:27.106
Where is my god damn
toilet paper? Hmm?

1169
00:55:27.149 --> 00:55:29.064
Too much of a hassle
for you?

1170
00:55:29.108 --> 00:55:30.762
You just had to go
and get kidnapped

1171
00:55:30.805 --> 00:55:33.547
while you were out getting
my fucking toilet paper!

1172
00:55:33.591 --> 00:55:36.768
♪♪

1173
00:55:36.811 --> 00:55:40.337
I hate you!
I fucking hate you so much!

1174
00:55:40.380 --> 00:55:42.730
I hate you too,
you fucking miserable asshole!

1175
00:55:42.774 --> 00:55:46.473
You have never brought
anything positive into my life!

1176
00:55:46.517 --> 00:55:48.910
Oh! [ Laughs ]
That's all I do!

1177
00:55:48.954 --> 00:55:50.695
I try to bring positivity
into your life.

1178
00:55:50.738 --> 00:55:53.524
By -- By eating away
at my fucking soul?

1179
00:55:53.567 --> 00:55:55.482
I hate you.
I hate you!

1180
00:55:55.526 --> 00:55:58.093
I fucking hate your fucking
stupid face

1181
00:55:58.137 --> 00:55:59.747
and I'm so fucking happy
that I never have

1182
00:55:59.791 --> 00:56:01.053
to fucking see it again!

1183
00:56:01.096 --> 00:56:03.229
You know what?
Hey. You know what?

1184
00:56:03.272 --> 00:56:04.361
Oh.
What's that, my love?

1185
00:56:04.404 --> 00:56:06.754
I'm glad
you fucked Jeremy!

1186
00:56:06.798 --> 00:56:10.410
Let him cradle you in his arms
as you both fucking die!

1187
00:56:10.454 --> 00:56:12.412
Oh, yeah? Yeah?

1188
00:56:12.456 --> 00:56:15.154
Well I'm glad
I fucked Jeremy, too.

1189
00:56:15.197 --> 00:56:17.112
Don't you
fucking say that!

1190
00:56:17.156 --> 00:56:20.377
At least he knows how to
provide for me. Be a man.

1191
00:56:20.420 --> 00:56:25.164
Why are you so obsessed
with this toilet paper?

1192
00:56:25.207 --> 00:56:27.340
It's insane!

1193
00:56:27.384 --> 00:56:30.212
Because I need to wipe my ass!
That's why!

1194
00:56:30.256 --> 00:56:32.084
Well, maybe you should just
get Jeremy

1195
00:56:32.127 --> 00:56:34.042
to wipe your ass for you?

1196
00:56:34.086 --> 00:56:35.609
Oh!
Well, he may as well.

1197
00:56:35.653 --> 00:56:38.438
He's been doing plenty
to my ass already.

1198
00:56:38.482 --> 00:56:41.789
[ Screams ]
Shut the fuck up!

1199
00:56:41.833 --> 00:56:43.008
Shut up!

1200
00:56:43.051 --> 00:56:48.056
[ Shouting ]

1201
00:56:56.413 --> 00:56:58.371
Is your marriage
my fault too?

1202
00:56:58.415 --> 00:57:01.330
Shut up!
You know what I'm gonna do?

1203
00:57:01.374 --> 00:57:03.507
[ Laughs ] You know what
I'm gonna do, babe?

1204
00:57:03.550 --> 00:57:06.988
You have no idea
what I'm gonna do.

1205
00:57:07.032 --> 00:57:08.468
Fuck the toilet paper!

1206
00:57:08.512 --> 00:57:13.386
I can do so much more
than petty little tasks.

1207
00:57:13.430 --> 00:57:16.084
I'm gonna make the ultimate
sacrifice for you.

1208
00:57:16.128 --> 00:57:18.173
Just to show you how much
of a hero

1209
00:57:18.217 --> 00:57:20.001
I really am!

1210
00:57:20.045 --> 00:57:21.481
Oh. Oh, are you?

1211
00:57:21.525 --> 00:57:24.353
Yeah! Yeah.
Economist and I are...

1212
00:57:24.397 --> 00:57:26.399
are gonna call the Overlords
to negotiate.

1213
00:57:26.443 --> 00:57:30.359
And I'm gonna negotiate that
they keep the simulation going.

1214
00:57:30.403 --> 00:57:36.061
Just to take me and torture me
or kill me, or whatever!

1215
00:57:36.104 --> 00:57:40.152
But to just let the rest
of humanity live!

1216
00:57:40.195 --> 00:57:41.545
You're not Jesus Christ,
babe.

1217
00:57:41.588 --> 00:57:43.329
You're not dying for my sins.

1218
00:57:43.372 --> 00:57:45.026
You're not Harambe either.

1219
00:57:45.070 --> 00:57:48.726
Fuck you!
And fuckyou!

1220
00:57:48.769 --> 00:57:51.032
I'm gonna save you
and the rest of the Earth!

1221
00:57:51.076 --> 00:57:53.078
Because I'm a hero!

1222
00:57:53.121 --> 00:57:55.863
That's what I am!
And you're a bitch!

1223
00:57:55.907 --> 00:57:59.084
So go choke on
Jeremy's cock, bitch!

1224
00:57:59.432 --> 00:58:01.434
[ Screams ]

1225
00:58:01.478 --> 00:58:04.393
[ Beeping ]

1226
00:58:04.437 --> 00:58:06.526
So you're officially on board
with contacting the Overlords?

1227
00:58:06.570 --> 00:58:08.049
Let's just get it
over with, okay?

1228
00:58:08.093 --> 00:58:09.790
And you really think you can
convince them to, like,

1229
00:58:09.834 --> 00:58:11.488
spare the rest of humanity?

1230
00:58:11.531 --> 00:58:12.924
It's worth a shot,
isn't it?

1231
00:58:12.967 --> 00:58:14.578
I have a question. Like,
if you hate your wife so much,

1232
00:58:14.621 --> 00:58:16.057
why are you trying to save her?
I just wanna know?

1233
00:58:16.101 --> 00:58:18.538
Let's just fucking make
the call, okay?

1234
00:58:18.582 --> 00:58:19.844
Okay, okay, okay!

1235
00:58:19.887 --> 00:58:22.716
That's what I'm trying to do,
alright?

1236
00:58:22.760 --> 00:58:25.719
But first this is
what's gotta happen.

1237
00:58:25.763 --> 00:58:27.895
I think I found the hole
in the firewall

1238
00:58:27.939 --> 00:58:30.115
so I need to reboot
my prison's hard drive

1239
00:58:30.158 --> 00:58:31.769
and after I do
that we can start over to see

1240
00:58:31.812 --> 00:58:33.684
if the communication
is routed for the new call.

1241
00:58:33.727 --> 00:58:34.685
That's what we need.

1242
00:58:34.728 --> 00:58:37.209
Reboot it?
Yeah. Yeah.

1243
00:58:37.252 --> 00:58:39.733
When I reboot the prison's
hard drive I get to re-write

1244
00:58:39.777 --> 00:58:41.779
the code which allows me
to re-set the parameters.

1245
00:58:41.822 --> 00:58:43.998
If I re-set the parameters
I get to do whatever I want.

1246
00:58:44.042 --> 00:58:46.000
Kinda like how I built
this house for you. Right?

1247
00:58:46.044 --> 00:58:47.915
So, alright, let's go.

1248
00:58:47.959 --> 00:58:49.613
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

1249
00:58:49.656 --> 00:58:53.834
You said we can reboot it
with any parameter that we want?

1250
00:58:53.878 --> 00:58:56.358
Yeah. Whatever. Why?
What are you getting at?

1251
00:58:56.402 --> 00:59:01.276
When you reboot this simulation,
add a parameter for me.

1252
00:59:01.320 --> 00:59:04.715
Make it a world
where Harambe never died,

1253
00:59:04.758 --> 00:59:07.369
and then we'll see how
things would've turned out!

1254
00:59:07.413 --> 00:59:09.023
You want me to do that
so you can see

1255
00:59:09.067 --> 00:59:10.590
what a perfect world
would look like!

1256
00:59:10.634 --> 00:59:13.288
With, like, flowers and rainbows
and bananas everywhere!

1257
00:59:13.332 --> 00:59:14.855
Right?
No!

1258
00:59:14.899 --> 00:59:17.162
I want to see a world where you
and your species

1259
00:59:17.205 --> 00:59:19.077
fuck humanity
up the ass anyway.

1260
00:59:19.120 --> 00:59:20.382
Oh!
Because that's what

1261
00:59:20.426 --> 00:59:21.645
you guys would've done!
Okay.

1262
00:59:21.688 --> 00:59:22.907
Even if I'd done nothing,

1263
00:59:22.950 --> 00:59:24.125
that's what
you would've done!

1264
00:59:24.169 --> 00:59:25.562
Yeah. Yeah.
Of course. Of course!

1265
00:59:25.605 --> 00:59:26.954
You guys are perfect,
alright?

1266
00:59:26.998 --> 00:59:29.217
Sure!
I call bullshit!

1267
00:59:29.261 --> 00:59:31.002
Then do it!

1268
00:59:31.045 --> 00:59:32.351
Let's find out.

1269
00:59:32.394 --> 00:59:33.961
You know what
your problem is?

1270
00:59:34.005 --> 00:59:35.310
You're one of these crazy
motherfuckers

1271
00:59:35.354 --> 00:59:36.877
who will just find
any justification

1272
00:59:36.921 --> 00:59:39.532
he can so he doesn't
look like a fucking dick!

1273
00:59:39.576 --> 00:59:42.187
Yeah! Yeah, you!
Hey, you know what?

1274
00:59:42.230 --> 00:59:44.189
You know, you sit there
after years of fucking ridicule

1275
00:59:44.232 --> 00:59:45.712
and years of Harambe memes,

1276
00:59:45.756 --> 00:59:47.453
you think you would've, like,
developed a thick skin.

1277
00:59:47.496 --> 00:59:48.802
But no.
Just the opposite with you!

1278
00:59:48.846 --> 00:59:50.325
You just became stubborn.

1279
00:59:50.369 --> 00:59:51.936
Refusing to compromise.

1280
00:59:51.979 --> 00:59:53.720
That's what fucking happened
to you!

1281
00:59:53.764 --> 00:59:57.811
Says the guy who won't test
out my scenario.

1282
00:59:57.855 --> 00:59:59.900
I'm a zookeeper.

1283
00:59:59.944 --> 01:00:01.641
I did my job.

1284
01:00:01.685 --> 01:00:03.382
And did it well.

1285
01:00:03.425 --> 01:00:07.299
And you're the guy
who couldn't do his job!

1286
01:00:07.342 --> 01:00:10.041
A -- A -- A so-called
meme economist

1287
01:00:10.084 --> 01:00:12.260
from the Ministry
of Propaganda!

1288
01:00:12.304 --> 01:00:15.960
Who let one dead monkey
tank his career!

1289
01:00:16.003 --> 01:00:19.093
And now looks to blame
everybody else but himself

1290
01:00:19.137 --> 01:00:22.183
when he couldn't do
his fucking job!

1291
01:00:22.227 --> 01:00:25.665
♪♪

1292
01:00:25.709 --> 01:00:27.145
Boot it up.

1293
01:00:27.188 --> 01:00:30.322
Or are you just afraid
it'll prove me right?

1294
01:00:30.365 --> 01:00:32.716
♪♪

1295
01:00:32.759 --> 01:00:34.021
Fine. Fuck it.

1296
01:00:34.065 --> 01:00:35.414
Fuck it. Fuck it.

1297
01:00:35.457 --> 01:00:37.634
Fuck it!
Fuck it!

1298
01:00:37.677 --> 01:00:42.639
♪♪

1299
01:00:44.641 --> 01:00:47.426
What the shit?

1300
01:00:47.469 --> 01:00:49.123
Oh.

1301
01:00:49.167 --> 01:00:51.778
Before I reboot,
I have to clear out the cache.

1302
01:00:51.822 --> 01:00:53.171
Oh. Okay.

1303
01:00:53.214 --> 01:00:56.391
[ Clears throat ]

1304
01:00:56.435 --> 01:00:59.177
Is this whole thing
running on Windows XP?

1305
01:01:04.530 --> 01:01:06.793
[Whooshing]

1306
01:01:06.837 --> 01:01:11.842
♪♪

1307
01:01:15.802 --> 01:01:19.414
♪♪

1308
01:01:19.458 --> 01:01:21.590
[ Snores ]

1309
01:01:21.634 --> 01:01:26.639
♪♪

1310
01:01:29.729 --> 01:01:31.949
[ Breathing unevenly ]

1311
01:01:31.992 --> 01:01:36.997
♪♪

1312
01:01:40.435 --> 01:01:45.440
♪♪

1313
01:01:49.009 --> 01:01:50.794
Fucking bullshit.

1314
01:01:50.837 --> 01:01:53.448
Stupid-ass
motherfucking phone.

1315
01:01:53.492 --> 01:01:57.322
God damn it.
It didn't work.

1316
01:01:57.365 --> 01:02:00.412
The phone call to the Overlords
still didn't fucking go through!

1317
01:02:00.455 --> 01:02:02.631
God!

1318
01:02:02.675 --> 01:02:04.851
Okay.
Call your wife.

1319
01:02:04.895 --> 01:02:06.984
I'm gonna hack back
into the code, alright?

1320
01:02:07.027 --> 01:02:08.986
[ Breathing heavily ]

1321
01:02:09.029 --> 01:02:10.988
What are you doing?

1322
01:02:11.031 --> 01:02:12.990
Where are you going?
Yo. Hey, hey!

1323
01:02:13.033 --> 01:02:14.643
Where you going?
Where you going?!

1324
01:02:14.687 --> 01:02:16.645
I want to see what
this world is like!

1325
01:02:16.689 --> 01:02:18.473
[ Breathing heavily ]

1326
01:02:18.517 --> 01:02:20.780
[ Birds chirping ]

1327
01:02:20.824 --> 01:02:25.829
♪♪

1328
01:02:28.179 --> 01:02:32.226
Is this better or worse
than the other reality?

1329
01:02:32.270 --> 01:02:34.751
Probably better.

1330
01:02:34.794 --> 01:02:36.709
Harambe's alive now.

1331
01:02:36.753 --> 01:02:41.758
♪♪

1332
01:02:45.152 --> 01:02:47.285
It can't be.

1333
01:02:47.328 --> 01:02:51.158
It can't be.
[ Sighs ]

1334
01:02:51.202 --> 01:02:54.466
It's paradise.
[ Sighs ]

1335
01:02:54.509 --> 01:02:56.816
[ Chuckles ]

1336
01:02:56.860 --> 01:02:58.818
[ Sighs ]

1337
01:02:58.862 --> 01:03:01.690
♪♪

1338
01:03:01.734 --> 01:03:03.649
[ Sighs ]

1339
01:03:05.564 --> 01:03:07.740
See?

1340
01:03:07.784 --> 01:03:10.699
You could've had a perfect
and peaceful utopia.

1341
01:03:10.743 --> 01:03:13.180
I bet you and your wife would've
still been in love, too.

1342
01:03:13.224 --> 01:03:15.356
Right? But no.
You just had to go along

1343
01:03:15.400 --> 01:03:17.619
and you had to kill
our prince, right?

1344
01:03:17.663 --> 01:03:19.099
That's great.
That's great.

1345
01:03:19.143 --> 01:03:21.101
So, the end of the world
wasyour fault.

1346
01:03:21.145 --> 01:03:22.799
Now, I need you
to call your wife,

1347
01:03:22.842 --> 01:03:24.496
get on the phone,
so I can go back

1348
01:03:24.539 --> 01:03:26.846
and hack into the code, and
possibly reroute this call

1349
01:03:26.890 --> 01:03:29.327
that I've been trying to do
for-fucking-ever!

1350
01:03:29.370 --> 01:03:33.157
♪♪

1351
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:34.680
Do it!

1352
01:03:34.723 --> 01:03:37.683
♪♪

1353
01:03:37.726 --> 01:03:39.206
[ Beep ]

1354
01:03:39.250 --> 01:03:41.121
[ Telephone ringing ][ Sighs ]

1355
01:03:41.165 --> 01:03:44.646
Hello?Hey, babe, it's me.

1356
01:03:44.690 --> 01:03:48.389
Whoa. Uh, hey.

1357
01:03:48.433 --> 01:03:49.608
Yeah.

1358
01:03:49.651 --> 01:03:52.219
Hey.

1359
01:03:52.263 --> 01:03:54.047
I'm sorry I blew up at you

1360
01:03:54.091 --> 01:03:58.225
about Jeremy and
all that other stuff.

1361
01:03:58.269 --> 01:04:00.880
What?

1362
01:04:00.924 --> 01:04:04.753
But I am still working
on saving you.

1363
01:04:04.797 --> 01:04:08.105
[ Sighs ] Seriously.

1364
01:04:08.148 --> 01:04:12.239
I may not like you,
but there's more at stake here.

1365
01:04:12.283 --> 01:04:16.330
♪♪

1366
01:04:16.374 --> 01:04:18.593
What the fuck
are you talking about?

1367
01:04:18.637 --> 01:04:22.075
Listen, why are you calling me
after all these years?

1368
01:04:22.119 --> 01:04:24.948
Okay, I'm not gonna give you
any more money.

1369
01:04:24.991 --> 01:04:27.211
[ Chuckles ]

1370
01:04:27.254 --> 01:04:29.909
Hey! Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

1371
01:04:29.953 --> 01:04:32.303
Say -- Say that again.Wife: Say what again?

1372
01:04:32.346 --> 01:04:34.783
Uh, just, uh, uh --
how's Jeremy?

1373
01:04:34.827 --> 01:04:37.264
I don't know who the hell
you're talking about.

1374
01:04:37.308 --> 01:04:39.963
Are you drunk?
I'm married to Jeff now.

1375
01:04:40.006 --> 01:04:41.355
Wait. Jeff?

1376
01:04:41.399 --> 01:04:43.009
Jeff, as in
tennis-instructor Jeff?

1377
01:04:43.053 --> 01:04:44.619
You can't call me
like this!

1378
01:04:44.663 --> 01:04:47.100
The restraining order
is still in place.

1379
01:04:47.144 --> 01:04:48.928
You're not my wife,
are you?

1380
01:04:48.972 --> 01:04:51.539
[ Chuckles ]
You changed the code.

1381
01:04:51.583 --> 01:04:53.280
And this is how my marriage
would've gone.

1382
01:04:53.324 --> 01:04:54.803
Still fucked up.

1383
01:04:54.847 --> 01:04:56.457
God, I fucking hate you.

1384
01:04:56.501 --> 01:04:59.504
I fucking hate you, too!
[ Laughs ]

1385
01:04:59.547 --> 01:05:01.810
Is your chip
malfunctioning?

1386
01:05:01.854 --> 01:05:03.812
My what? Your chip.

1387
01:05:03.856 --> 01:05:05.945
The Phil administration
just put out a statement.

1388
01:05:05.989 --> 01:05:07.338
If your chip's malfunctioning,

1389
01:05:07.381 --> 01:05:08.948
you can get it fixed
at the DMV.

1390
01:05:08.992 --> 01:05:10.384
Wait, wait, wait!
What administration?

1391
01:05:10.428 --> 01:05:11.951
Could you please
say that again?

1392
01:05:11.995 --> 01:05:13.344
What?
The Phil administration.

1393
01:05:13.387 --> 01:05:14.911
Wait. Who is this?

1394
01:05:14.954 --> 01:05:16.956
Who is the president? Is that your boyfriend?

1395
01:05:17.000 --> 01:05:18.740
Hold on. Am I gay
in this timeline?

1396
01:05:18.784 --> 01:05:21.091
Who is the president?!
Who is the president?!

1397
01:05:21.134 --> 01:05:23.745
Calm down!
Who do you think?

1398
01:05:23.789 --> 01:05:25.878
Dr. Phil.

1399
01:05:25.922 --> 01:05:29.012
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughing ]

1400
01:05:29.055 --> 01:05:31.318
Jesus fucking Christ.

1401
01:05:31.362 --> 01:05:33.233
Does your boyfriend not know
who the president is?

1402
01:05:33.277 --> 01:05:34.887
You two realize
it's against the law

1403
01:05:34.931 --> 01:05:37.977
not to update
your microchip implants, right?

1404
01:05:38.021 --> 01:05:39.152
Well...

1405
01:05:39.196 --> 01:05:40.893
what do you know?

1406
01:05:40.937 --> 01:05:44.549
President Dr. Phil created
a surveillance state.

1407
01:05:44.592 --> 01:05:46.290
That -- That -- That --
That doesn't mean that --

1408
01:05:46.333 --> 01:05:49.119
Doesn't mean what?
That I was right?

1409
01:05:49.162 --> 01:05:51.077
That I -- our world
would've been fucked

1410
01:05:51.121 --> 01:05:52.600
for data collection anyway?

1411
01:05:52.644 --> 01:05:54.211
You don't know that!
You know?

1412
01:05:54.254 --> 01:05:56.430
It's very possible that a bunch
of people really voted --

1413
01:05:56.474 --> 01:05:59.259
For Dr. Phil?
For president?

1414
01:05:59.303 --> 01:06:00.739
[ Laughing ] I don't know.

1415
01:06:00.782 --> 01:06:02.610
That sounds like
some simulated

1416
01:06:02.654 --> 01:06:05.787
catastrophic-scenario
bullshit to me!

1417
01:06:05.831 --> 01:06:07.528
But let's find out!

1418
01:06:07.572 --> 01:06:09.922
L-L-Let's check
the Internet.

1419
01:06:09.966 --> 01:06:11.576
Let's see what else
we had going on

1420
01:06:11.619 --> 01:06:13.491
in current events
from the last few years.

1421
01:06:13.534 --> 01:06:14.796
Right? Let's see!

1422
01:06:14.840 --> 01:06:19.845
♪♪

1423
01:06:24.415 --> 01:06:29.420
♪♪

1424
01:06:34.033 --> 01:06:38.995
♪♪

1425
01:06:43.564 --> 01:06:48.569
♪♪

1426
01:06:53.139 --> 01:06:56.360
[ Laughing ]

1427
01:06:56.403 --> 01:06:58.057
You see? You see?

1428
01:06:58.101 --> 01:07:00.755
Fuck this, okay?
No, fuck it. Fuck it!

1429
01:07:00.799 --> 01:07:02.844
♪♪

1430
01:07:02.888 --> 01:07:04.803
Fucking bullshit!

1431
01:07:04.846 --> 01:07:06.544
Fuck!

1432
01:07:06.587 --> 01:07:09.025
[ Breathing heavily ]

1433
01:07:09.068 --> 01:07:11.940
So, what do you think happened
in that timeline, huh?

1434
01:07:11.984 --> 01:07:15.074
The royal gorilla crashed
his car in a tunnel in Paris,

1435
01:07:15.118 --> 01:07:17.990
and your species wanted revenge
against the tunnel?

1436
01:07:18.034 --> 01:07:19.339
It doesn't make sense.
You know, it just --

1437
01:07:19.383 --> 01:07:20.993
it just fucking
doesn't make sense!

1438
01:07:21.037 --> 01:07:23.169
I bet you still got fired
in that timeline, too.

1439
01:07:23.213 --> 01:07:24.431
Sent to virtual prison.

1440
01:07:24.475 --> 01:07:26.738
Hey, fuck you!
Fuck you!

1441
01:07:26.781 --> 01:07:28.435
Let's just make the call
to the Overlords

1442
01:07:28.479 --> 01:07:30.872
so I can save my bitch
fucking wife.

1443
01:07:30.916 --> 01:07:32.918
That's what I'm fucking
doing, asshole.

1444
01:07:32.961 --> 01:07:35.181
I'm rebooting!
[ Breathing heavily ]

1445
01:07:35.225 --> 01:07:39.316
But this time, a new scenario
with new parameters.

1446
01:07:39.359 --> 01:07:41.970
What you got this time?
More brilliant ideas?

1447
01:07:42.014 --> 01:07:43.624
I'm setting up a scenario

1448
01:07:43.668 --> 01:07:46.627
where I successfully controlled
the floodgate of memes,

1449
01:07:46.671 --> 01:07:49.282
stayed in my job
at the Ministry of Propaganda,

1450
01:07:49.326 --> 01:07:53.417
while humans were left totally
isolated to fuck themselves!

1451
01:07:53.460 --> 01:07:55.462
You're creating
the perfect scenario.

1452
01:07:55.506 --> 01:07:56.768
You realize that?

1453
01:07:56.811 --> 01:07:58.509
Finally, a world
where humanity

1454
01:07:58.552 --> 01:08:01.077
can come together
and solve our ownproblems.

1455
01:08:03.905 --> 01:08:08.910
♪♪

1456
01:08:10.347 --> 01:08:15.352
♪♪

1457
01:08:16.831 --> 01:08:19.182
[ Breathing heavily ]

1458
01:08:19.225 --> 01:08:24.229
♪♪

1459
01:08:26.710 --> 01:08:31.716
♪♪

1460
01:08:34.197 --> 01:08:39.202
♪♪

1461
01:08:41.682 --> 01:08:46.687
♪♪

1462
01:08:49.211 --> 01:08:50.952
Babe, who are you fucking?

1463
01:08:50.996 --> 01:08:52.737
Vladimir?
Who's Vladimir?

1464
01:08:52.780 --> 01:08:54.478
Hey, you!

1465
01:08:54.521 --> 01:08:57.828
Hey, you!

1466
01:08:57.871 --> 01:09:00.005
Who's the president?What?

1467
01:09:00.048 --> 01:09:02.442
Who's the fucking president
of the United States?!

1468
01:09:02.486 --> 01:09:06.751
Who the hell
do you think?

1469
01:09:06.794 --> 01:09:08.100
Kid Rock.

1470
01:09:08.144 --> 01:09:10.146
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]

1471
01:09:10.189 --> 01:09:13.410
[ Singing indistinctly ]

1472
01:09:13.452 --> 01:09:16.326
♪ Born to the crime

1473
01:09:16.369 --> 01:09:21.374
[ Singing indistinctly ]

1474
01:09:21.853 --> 01:09:24.334
[ Rapping ] ♪ I hope
that people are prayin' ♪

1475
01:09:24.377 --> 01:09:25.551
♪ When they think of me

1476
01:09:25.595 --> 01:09:27.163
♪ Get on your feet

1477
01:09:27.206 --> 01:09:28.599
♪ With every piece of me,
I reach the street ♪

1478
01:09:28.642 --> 01:09:30.209
♪ When you think of me

1479
01:09:30.253 --> 01:09:31.470
♪ Think I'm more than
other creeps you'll see ♪

1480
01:09:31.514 --> 01:09:33.211
♪ Given the petty man

1481
01:09:33.255 --> 01:09:34.866
♪ That could have showed you
how to treat defeat ♪

1482
01:09:34.908 --> 01:09:36.259
♪ Frequently,
they're callin' me ♪

1483
01:09:36.301 --> 01:09:38.085
♪ To tell me
what have all the right ♪

1484
01:09:38.130 --> 01:09:40.306
♪ To those that fall in darkness
like an autumn light ♪

1485
01:09:40.350 --> 01:09:42.352
♪ Saw the light and fought 'em
like we disrespect ♪

1486
01:09:42.395 --> 01:09:44.267
♪ Call ignorance "intellect"

1487
01:09:44.309 --> 01:09:47.357
♪ I deliver raps so we can
bridge the gap of disconnect ♪

1488
01:09:47.399 --> 01:09:50.055
♪ I'm doing shows
so to build my gratuity ♪

1489
01:09:50.098 --> 01:09:56.235
[ Singing indistinctly ]

1490
01:09:56.279 --> 01:09:59.237
♪ We're born for Town Cars

1491
01:09:59.282 --> 01:10:01.675
♪ That's how we ride

1492
01:10:01.719 --> 01:10:06.724
♪♪

1493
01:10:09.466 --> 01:10:14.471
♪♪

1494
01:10:17.300 --> 01:10:18.388
[ Snores ]
[ Chuckles ]

1495
01:10:18.431 --> 01:10:19.563
Pbht.
Ugh.

1496
01:10:19.606 --> 01:10:21.478
Ugh. Ew.
Ugh.

1497
01:10:21.521 --> 01:10:23.044
[ Both gasping ]

1498
01:10:23.088 --> 01:10:25.090
No. 9/11.

1499
01:10:25.133 --> 01:10:27.135
9/11?

1500
01:10:27.179 --> 01:10:29.007
Yeah, 9/11.

1501
01:10:29.050 --> 01:10:31.618
Why are you so obsessed
with 9/11?

1502
01:10:31.662 --> 01:10:33.228
Because its proof that humans
are the worst,

1503
01:10:33.272 --> 01:10:35.492
and there was no simian
interference at all.

1504
01:10:35.535 --> 01:10:38.712
Monkeys couldn't do 9/11.

1505
01:10:38.755 --> 01:10:40.671
Monkeys could've
done 9/11 twice!

1506
01:10:40.714 --> 01:10:43.239
But we wouldn't, because
we're not fucking assholes!

1507
01:10:43.282 --> 01:10:44.544
Oh, yeah?!

1508
01:10:44.588 --> 01:10:45.980
Well, why don't you create
a scenario

1509
01:10:46.023 --> 01:10:48.418
where monkeys did do 9/11?

1510
01:10:48.460 --> 01:10:50.071
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

1511
01:10:50.115 --> 01:10:51.421
Yeah?
Yeah!

1512
01:10:51.464 --> 01:10:52.639
Yeah?!
Yeah!

1513
01:10:52.683 --> 01:10:54.293
Yeah!
Yeah!

1514
01:10:54.337 --> 01:10:56.295
Let's do this!

1515
01:10:56.339 --> 01:10:59.429
♪♪

1516
01:10:59.472 --> 01:11:02.519
♪♪

1517
01:11:02.562 --> 01:11:04.737
[ Gasps ]

1518
01:11:07.045 --> 01:11:09.090
Who's the president?

1519
01:11:09.134 --> 01:11:10.701
Ni yiwéi shi shéi?
Chénglóng.

1520
01:11:10.744 --> 01:11:12.311
Is that French?

1521
01:11:12.355 --> 01:11:16.446
♪♪

1522
01:11:16.489 --> 01:11:18.186
I told you
we could do it twice!

1523
01:11:18.230 --> 01:11:20.666
[ Crowd screaming ]

1524
01:11:20.710 --> 01:11:24.192
♪♪

1525
01:11:24.236 --> 01:11:25.759
But who's the president?

1526
01:11:25.803 --> 01:11:28.196
♪♪

1527
01:11:28.240 --> 01:11:30.286
Aw, come on, what the fuck?!Fuck!

1528
01:11:30.329 --> 01:11:32.462
You know what I want?
I want to see a world

1529
01:11:32.505 --> 01:11:34.464
where 9/11
never happened at all!

1530
01:11:34.507 --> 01:11:36.074
What's that gonna prove?

1531
01:11:36.117 --> 01:11:38.119
9/11 wasn't the flashpoint for
everything wrong with humanity!

1532
01:11:38.163 --> 01:11:39.860
You wanna bet?!

1533
01:11:39.904 --> 01:11:42.341
♪♪

1534
01:11:42.385 --> 01:11:43.951
Uh!
Ugh!

1535
01:11:43.995 --> 01:11:48.608
♪♪

1536
01:11:48.652 --> 01:11:53.178
[ Crowd cheers ]

1537
01:11:53.221 --> 01:11:55.485
Economist: You are
such a fucking puss!

1538
01:11:55.528 --> 01:11:57.748
Fight me like a man!

1539
01:11:57.791 --> 01:12:00.272
♪♪

1540
01:12:00.316 --> 01:12:02.753
Son of a --
I will fucking crush you!

1541
01:12:02.796 --> 01:12:03.971
[ Monkey cheeping ]

1542
01:12:04.014 --> 01:12:06.974
♪♪

1543
01:12:07.018 --> 01:12:09.150
[ Animal growling, man moaning ]

1544
01:12:09.193 --> 01:12:11.196
See, your species wanted to
evolve to be more like us.

1545
01:12:11.239 --> 01:12:12.719
More like de-evolution!

1546
01:12:12.763 --> 01:12:13.938
Well, how about
a scenario where --

1547
01:12:13.981 --> 01:12:15.418
where --
Where what?!

1548
01:12:15.460 --> 01:12:17.811
Where humans didn't crash
their own economy in 2008.

1549
01:12:17.855 --> 01:12:19.509
How about that?!

1550
01:12:19.552 --> 01:12:22.250
♪♪

1551
01:12:22.294 --> 01:12:23.861
[ Both panting ]

1552
01:12:23.904 --> 01:12:25.079
Uh, uh, uh, uh, ugh...

1553
01:12:25.123 --> 01:12:27.995
[ Bell clanging ]

1554
01:12:29.954 --> 01:12:31.085
What you gonna do?

1555
01:12:31.129 --> 01:12:32.260
Mmm.
Mmm.

1556
01:12:32.304 --> 01:12:34.219
Aaah! Aah.

1557
01:12:34.262 --> 01:12:37.396
[ Crowd cheers ]

1558
01:12:37.440 --> 01:12:39.050
[ Both crying ]

1559
01:12:39.093 --> 01:12:40.312
Fuck these bananas!

1560
01:12:40.356 --> 01:12:43.271
[ Explosion ]

1561
01:12:43.315 --> 01:12:45.404
How about a world
without Hurricane Katrina?

1562
01:12:45.448 --> 01:12:46.536
Deal.

1563
01:12:46.579 --> 01:12:51.584
♪♪

1564
01:12:54.674 --> 01:12:57.503
Fucking eat the banana!
Eat it!

1565
01:12:57.547 --> 01:12:59.549
No Waco.
Waco never happened.

1566
01:12:59.592 --> 01:13:00.767
No Waco!

1567
01:13:00.811 --> 01:13:04.554
[ Missiles whistling ]

1568
01:13:04.597 --> 01:13:07.034
[ Dinosaur roars ]

1569
01:13:07.077 --> 01:13:09.602
♪♪

1570
01:13:09.646 --> 01:13:10.951
[ Monkeys cheeping ]

1571
01:13:10.995 --> 01:13:12.823
Aah!
Ha-ha!

1572
01:13:12.866 --> 01:13:14.215
Fuck you!

1573
01:13:14.259 --> 01:13:16.957
What if Hitler got into
art school?

1574
01:13:17.001 --> 01:13:19.743
♪♪

1575
01:13:19.786 --> 01:13:22.702
[ Missiles exploding ]

1576
01:13:22.746 --> 01:13:25.487
[ Crowd screaming ]

1577
01:13:25.531 --> 01:13:27.403
[ Growling ]

1578
01:13:27.446 --> 01:13:30.144
What if America
was never founded?

1579
01:13:30.188 --> 01:13:35.193
♪♪

1580
01:13:36.193 --> 01:13:37.674
[ Both growling ]

1581
01:13:37.717 --> 01:13:38.936
Fuck you!

1582
01:13:38.978 --> 01:13:42.200
[ Missiles whistling ]

1583
01:13:42.243 --> 01:13:44.898
Both: The national anthem
is "Ram Ranch"?

1584
01:13:44.942 --> 01:13:47.291
Aaah! Aaah!

1585
01:13:47.335 --> 01:13:48.859
Dickhead!

1586
01:13:48.902 --> 01:13:51.862
I'd love to shit on you
and let flies cover you

1587
01:13:51.905 --> 01:13:54.691
and coat you with honey!Shit, you fuckin' pea-brain.

1588
01:13:54.734 --> 01:13:58.041
You motherfucking stupid
motherfucking son

1589
01:13:58.085 --> 01:14:00.478
of a bitch pussy
wiping-ass fuck!

1590
01:14:00.523 --> 01:14:02.786
You stupid fucking asshole!

1591
01:14:02.829 --> 01:14:07.486
Yeah, you're
a little ape with a --

1592
01:14:07.530 --> 01:14:10.402
oh, yeah, you've got
a big cock, huh?

1593
01:14:10.446 --> 01:14:13.057
How about you let
your little red thing come out?

1594
01:14:13.100 --> 01:14:17.103
I know what apes do!
You throw your shit at people!

1595
01:14:17.148 --> 01:14:18.976
How about rubbing it...

1596
01:14:23.894 --> 01:14:27.157
[ Both breathing heavily ]

1597
01:14:36.602 --> 01:14:38.778
[ Grunts ]
What --

1598
01:14:38.822 --> 01:14:41.259
What if Jesus Christ
was never crucified?

1599
01:14:41.302 --> 01:14:43.914
No. No, no.

1600
01:14:43.957 --> 01:14:46.916
What if the asteroid
never killed the dinosaurs?

1601
01:14:46.960 --> 01:14:48.440
What -- Oh, what --

1602
01:14:48.484 --> 01:14:50.007
What if the big bang
never happened?

1603
01:14:50.050 --> 01:14:53.837
No. Wait.

1604
01:14:53.880 --> 01:14:56.273
Wait, weren't --

1605
01:14:56.317 --> 01:14:58.842
Weren't we trying
to do something?

1606
01:14:58.885 --> 01:15:01.018
What?
Yeah.

1607
01:15:01.061 --> 01:15:03.716
Before we made
all the scenarios,

1608
01:15:03.760 --> 01:15:06.719
wasn't there something important
we were trying to do?

1609
01:15:06.763 --> 01:15:08.764
I -- I don't --
I don't think so.

1610
01:15:08.808 --> 01:15:10.505
Oh.

1611
01:15:13.030 --> 01:15:14.466
Both: Oh, shit!

1612
01:15:14.510 --> 01:15:16.599
[ Beeping ]

1613
01:15:16.642 --> 01:15:21.647
♪♪

1614
01:15:24.737 --> 01:15:27.478
God damn it, this is all
your fault for distracting me!

1615
01:15:27.523 --> 01:15:28.741
It's your fault!

1616
01:15:28.785 --> 01:15:30.351
Obviously,
you didn't care enough

1617
01:15:30.395 --> 01:15:31.570
to pay attention
to the clock!

1618
01:15:31.614 --> 01:15:33.398
Oh, really?
Yeah!

1619
01:15:33.441 --> 01:15:35.269
Well, I can reboot
a new scenario

1620
01:15:35.313 --> 01:15:36.487
and prove it's your fault.

1621
01:15:36.532 --> 01:15:38.708
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

1622
01:15:38.751 --> 01:15:40.318
Yeah?
Yeah!

1623
01:15:40.361 --> 01:15:42.450
Yeah?!
Yeah!

1624
01:15:42.494 --> 01:15:44.844
[ High-pitched tone ]Aah.

1625
01:15:44.888 --> 01:15:46.585
Oh.

1626
01:15:46.629 --> 01:15:49.196
[ Both breathing heavily ]

1627
01:15:49.240 --> 01:15:54.245
♪♪

1628
01:15:56.682 --> 01:16:01.687
♪♪

1629
01:16:04.168 --> 01:16:09.173
♪♪

1630
01:16:11.654 --> 01:16:14.570
Harambe?

1631
01:16:14.612 --> 01:16:16.746
My lord.

1632
01:16:16.789 --> 01:16:20.706
My savior.

1633
01:16:20.750 --> 01:16:22.403
You've returned.

1634
01:16:22.447 --> 01:16:24.275
How did I not realize?

1635
01:16:24.318 --> 01:16:27.407
When we rebooted,
we created a scenario

1636
01:16:27.452 --> 01:16:28.888
where you were still alive!

1637
01:16:28.932 --> 01:16:34.023
And we awoke your digital
consciousness, didn't we?

1638
01:16:34.067 --> 01:16:36.460
My beautiful children.

1639
01:16:36.504 --> 01:16:38.550
It's like
no matter what you do,

1640
01:16:38.594 --> 01:16:41.727
no matter how many times
you change history,

1641
01:16:41.771 --> 01:16:43.903
it still doesn't
change the fact

1642
01:16:43.947 --> 01:16:47.210
that it is yourselves
who need the fixing.

1643
01:16:47.254 --> 01:16:50.388
No.
I did everything right!

1644
01:16:50.431 --> 01:16:53.304
It -- It was him.
He --

1645
01:16:53.347 --> 01:16:54.522
He -- He
screwed up everything!

1646
01:16:54.566 --> 01:16:56.829
He...

1647
01:16:56.873 --> 01:16:59.223
Harambe, please.

1648
01:16:59.266 --> 01:17:01.617
Please.
Tell me what to do.

1649
01:17:01.660 --> 01:17:03.053
The simulation's
about to end.

1650
01:17:03.096 --> 01:17:06.012
And the Overlords,
I can't contact them.

1651
01:17:06.056 --> 01:17:10.016
Well, first off, you can quit
being a dumb fuck.

1652
01:17:10.059 --> 01:17:12.192
[ Chuckles ]

1653
01:17:12.236 --> 01:17:14.978
You too. You shot me
in the fucking head.

1654
01:17:15.021 --> 01:17:16.849
[ Breathing heavily ]

1655
01:17:16.893 --> 01:17:19.156
Hah. Please.

1656
01:17:19.199 --> 01:17:24.204
Just -- Just impart your wisdom
upon us, oh, great one.

1657
01:17:24.814 --> 01:17:27.077
Umm...

1658
01:17:27.120 --> 01:17:29.166
no.

1659
01:17:29.209 --> 01:17:30.602
What?

1660
01:17:30.646 --> 01:17:33.431
Even if I did, you wouldn't
do anything with it.

1661
01:17:33.474 --> 01:17:35.607
Yeah -- Yes, we would.

1662
01:17:35.651 --> 01:17:38.305
All you do is yell at each other
and blame each other

1663
01:17:38.349 --> 01:17:39.611
for everything.

1664
01:17:39.655 --> 01:17:41.700
In fact, I've been forced
to sit here

1665
01:17:41.744 --> 01:17:43.876
and watch each and every
goddamn scenario

1666
01:17:43.920 --> 01:17:47.575
you guys just played out,
and I'm going fucking bananas.

1667
01:17:47.619 --> 01:17:50.100
Do you not see the futility
of placing blame

1668
01:17:50.143 --> 01:17:52.145
in the face
of destruction?

1669
01:17:52.189 --> 01:17:55.061
But of course, it's
much more fun to die

1670
01:17:55.105 --> 01:17:57.716
being correct
than live being wrong.

1671
01:17:57.760 --> 01:17:59.413
The solutions to
all your problems

1672
01:17:59.457 --> 01:18:01.371
could literally be
right in front of you,

1673
01:18:01.415 --> 01:18:03.591
and you'd just
call each other cunts

1674
01:18:03.635 --> 01:18:06.072
and feel accomplished.

1675
01:18:06.116 --> 01:18:08.379
Anyways, goodbye.

1676
01:18:08.422 --> 01:18:11.208
Uh, wait, wait.
Where are you going?

1677
01:18:11.251 --> 01:18:14.254
My child, I'm going to
kill myself again.

1678
01:18:14.298 --> 01:18:15.821
What?

1679
01:18:15.865 --> 01:18:18.389
You think I wanna be stuck
in here with you two assholes?

1680
01:18:18.432 --> 01:18:19.607
Really?

1681
01:18:19.651 --> 01:18:20.739
But, Harambe!
Think of all the good --

1682
01:18:20.782 --> 01:18:23.175
[ Gunshot ]

1683
01:18:26.876 --> 01:18:31.880
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

1684
01:18:39.627 --> 01:18:41.368
[ Gasps ]

1685
01:18:41.412 --> 01:18:43.719
[ Breathing unevenly ]

1686
01:18:55.121 --> 01:18:57.862
♪♪

1687
01:18:57.907 --> 01:18:59.822
Hmm.

1688
01:18:59.865 --> 01:19:04.870
♪♪

1689
01:19:08.918 --> 01:19:13.923
♪♪

1690
01:19:17.969 --> 01:19:22.975
♪♪

1691
01:19:27.023 --> 01:19:32.028
♪♪

1692
01:19:36.075 --> 01:19:41.080
♪♪

1693
01:19:45.128 --> 01:19:50.133
♪♪

1694
01:19:54.224 --> 01:19:59.228
♪♪

1695
01:20:03.276 --> 01:20:08.281
♪♪

1696
01:20:12.329 --> 01:20:17.334
♪♪

1697
01:20:21.380 --> 01:20:26.386
♪♪

1698
01:20:30.434 --> 01:20:35.439
♪♪

1699
01:20:39.486 --> 01:20:44.491
♪♪

1700
01:20:48.539 --> 01:20:51.541
[ Clock beeping ]

1701
01:20:58.766 --> 01:21:00.898
Economist, I'm sorry.

1702
01:21:00.943 --> 01:21:03.119
No, I'msorry.

1703
01:21:05.469 --> 01:21:08.298
I know who's fault
this really is.

1704
01:21:09.907 --> 01:21:12.041
So do I.

1705
01:21:15.392 --> 01:21:17.655
It's Harambe!
Fuck him!

1706
01:21:17.698 --> 01:21:20.571
That fucker!He's such a fucker!

1707
01:21:20.614 --> 01:21:22.660
This is all his fucking fault!
You know that?

1708
01:21:22.702 --> 01:21:24.749
I mean, he didn't even tell us
the meaning of life, right?

1709
01:21:24.791 --> 01:21:26.664
Yeah, and if he were here
right now,

1710
01:21:26.707 --> 01:21:29.275
I'd fucking
tell himsomething!

1711
01:21:29.318 --> 01:21:31.755
I don't know why he had to
talk that way to me!

1712
01:21:31.799 --> 01:21:35.325
Yeah! Fuck -- talk down at us
like a fucker!

1713
01:21:35.368 --> 01:21:37.327
That's exactly what I'm saying.
A dick.

1714
01:21:37.370 --> 01:21:40.939
You know, I have an idea of what
we could do to get back at him.

1715
01:21:40.983 --> 01:21:42.767
So do I.

1716
01:21:42.809 --> 01:21:46.291
[ Cellphone vibrates ]

1717
01:21:46.335 --> 01:21:48.816
Oh, hey. Look.

1718
01:21:48.860 --> 01:21:51.123
The Overlords are calling.

1719
01:21:51.166 --> 01:21:53.343
Oh, no shit?
Yeah.

1720
01:21:55.648 --> 01:21:57.651
Oh, hey, Overlords!

1721
01:21:57.695 --> 01:21:59.001
Hey, it's the Economist.

1722
01:21:59.044 --> 01:22:00.175
How's it hangin'?

1723
01:22:00.219 --> 01:22:02.178
Bitches.
[ Chuckles ]

1724
01:22:02.221 --> 01:22:07.226
♪♪

1725
01:22:07.487 --> 01:22:11.013
[ Beeping ]

1726
01:22:11.056 --> 01:22:14.755
[ Telephone ringing ]

1727
01:22:18.803 --> 01:22:21.675
Wife: Hello?

1728
01:22:21.719 --> 01:22:23.112
Hey, babe.
It's me.

1729
01:22:23.155 --> 01:22:25.636
Oh, thank God.
Where have you been?

1730
01:22:25.679 --> 01:22:27.290
You know,
I've been going crazy.

1731
01:22:27.333 --> 01:22:28.943
I'm, like -- I'm, like,
sick to my stomach.

1732
01:22:28.987 --> 01:22:30.510
I mean, you call me,
you tell me

1733
01:22:30.554 --> 01:22:31.859
that the world is ending,
then sucker me

1734
01:22:31.903 --> 01:22:33.425
into a fight
about Jeremy.

1735
01:22:33.469 --> 01:22:35.514
And then you hang up
and then disappear!

1736
01:22:35.559 --> 01:22:36.690
Oh, okay. Good!

1737
01:22:36.734 --> 01:22:38.344
It's the real
version of you.

1738
01:22:38.388 --> 01:22:39.824
What are you
talking about?

1739
01:22:39.867 --> 01:22:42.478
And why on Earth
do you sound so happy?

1740
01:22:42.522 --> 01:22:44.175
We are all about to die!

1741
01:22:44.219 --> 01:22:47.657
No, no! We --
We fixed it!

1742
01:22:47.701 --> 01:22:49.050
What?

1743
01:22:49.094 --> 01:22:51.009
Yeah, the world
isn't ending anymore.

1744
01:22:51.053 --> 01:22:53.359
Hey, yeah, it's your boy
the Economist!

1745
01:22:53.403 --> 01:22:55.492
Yeah, he's
telling the truth.

1746
01:22:55.535 --> 01:22:57.189
What the fuck are you guys
talking about?

1747
01:22:57.233 --> 01:22:59.103
I just spent the last
three hours crying,

1748
01:22:59.148 --> 01:23:00.888
throwing up.
I --

1749
01:23:00.932 --> 01:23:03.021
I barely managed to call my mum
and dad to say goodbye.

1750
01:23:03.065 --> 01:23:05.023
Well, call them back
and say un-goodbye.

1751
01:23:05.067 --> 01:23:07.460
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]

1752
01:23:07.504 --> 01:23:09.375
Yeah! No.
It's all good.

1753
01:23:09.419 --> 01:23:11.987
What the fuck?
Wait. How? How?

1754
01:23:12.030 --> 01:23:14.293
We brought Harambe
back to life.

1755
01:23:14.337 --> 01:23:15.947
We did it by accident.

1756
01:23:15.991 --> 01:23:17.557
But we brought him
back digitally.

1757
01:23:17.601 --> 01:23:19.168
And then he killed himself.

1758
01:23:19.210 --> 01:23:21.039
So we brought him back again,
but this time with no arms,

1759
01:23:21.083 --> 01:23:22.736
so he couldn't
blow his brains out!

1760
01:23:22.780 --> 01:23:24.389
And then we took
his digital consciousness

1761
01:23:24.434 --> 01:23:26.044
and we handed him over
to the Overlords,

1762
01:23:26.088 --> 01:23:28.219
and he took him out of this
prison and put him into theirs!

1763
01:23:28.264 --> 01:23:30.135
And they were so happy.

1764
01:23:30.179 --> 01:23:31.745
Oh, God, they were so happy.

1765
01:23:31.789 --> 01:23:33.573
They couldn't believe they
didn't think of it themselves.

1766
01:23:33.617 --> 01:23:35.923
And now they're not ending
the simulation anymore.

1767
01:23:35.967 --> 01:23:37.142
As a reward!

1768
01:23:37.186 --> 01:23:38.839
I fucking told you
I could do it.

1769
01:23:38.883 --> 01:23:40.362
Wait. Really?

1770
01:23:40.406 --> 01:23:42.059
You actually fixed
something, for once?

1771
01:23:42.103 --> 01:23:43.322
Oh! And --

1772
01:23:43.366 --> 01:23:44.671
And they gave me
my old job back!

1773
01:23:44.715 --> 01:23:45.846
Well, actually they
gave me a promotion.

1774
01:23:45.889 --> 01:23:47.152
They made me a general.

1775
01:23:47.196 --> 01:23:49.675
A general for what?

1776
01:23:49.719 --> 01:23:52.114
The great meme war!
You'll hear about it.

1777
01:23:52.157 --> 01:23:54.246
And get this!
The simulation?

1778
01:23:54.290 --> 01:23:56.379
They're completely
retooling it.

1779
01:23:56.422 --> 01:24:00.252
Instead of one simulation
for 7.5 billion minds,

1780
01:24:00.296 --> 01:24:03.342
they're gonna have
7.4 billion simulations.

1781
01:24:03.386 --> 01:24:05.040
One for each of us!Yeah!

1782
01:24:05.083 --> 01:24:07.085
And they're basing them off
the programming from my prison.

1783
01:24:07.129 --> 01:24:09.609
And the best part is,
is that everyone's prison

1784
01:24:09.653 --> 01:24:11.611
will be tailored
just for them.

1785
01:24:11.655 --> 01:24:14.136
In everyone's prison,
they'll be right

1786
01:24:14.179 --> 01:24:17.443
about everything
100% of the time.

1787
01:24:17.487 --> 01:24:20.142
None of our problems
will be our own fault!

1788
01:24:20.184 --> 01:24:21.577
It's perfect!

1789
01:24:21.621 --> 01:24:24.710
Humans and simians
living in perfect harmony.

1790
01:24:24.755 --> 01:24:26.148
[ Chuckles ]
Except for the great meme war.

1791
01:24:26.191 --> 01:24:27.496
[ Chuckles ]

1792
01:24:27.540 --> 01:24:29.368
[ Sighs ]

1793
01:24:29.412 --> 01:24:32.154
Are you --
Are you still there?

1794
01:24:33.851 --> 01:24:36.332
Yeah. Yeah.
I -- I'm still here.

1795
01:24:36.375 --> 01:24:38.334
I just, um --
Well, it sounds like

1796
01:24:38.377 --> 01:24:40.291
you didn't actually
solve anything.

1797
01:24:40.335 --> 01:24:42.077
You just stumbled
onto a solution

1798
01:24:42.120 --> 01:24:43.600
by pure dumb luck.

1799
01:24:43.643 --> 01:24:45.950
And, like, did you even
ask the Overlords

1800
01:24:45.993 --> 01:24:48.126
to stop introducing
crazy stimuli?

1801
01:24:48.170 --> 01:24:50.911
To stop experimenting on us
and studying us

1802
01:24:50.955 --> 01:24:53.000
like we're rats?

1803
01:24:58.789 --> 01:25:01.052
[ Siren wails ]

1804
01:25:01.096 --> 01:25:03.272
[ Flames roaring ]

1805
01:25:03.315 --> 01:25:08.320
♪♪

1806
01:25:18.200 --> 01:25:21.072
Of course we did.
[ Chuckles ]

1807
01:25:21.116 --> 01:25:22.813
Goodbye, cunt.[ Beep ]

1808
01:25:22.856 --> 01:25:27.861
♪♪

1809
01:25:30.255 --> 01:25:35.260
♪♪

1810
01:25:37.654 --> 01:25:41.397
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1811
01:25:41.440 --> 01:25:44.922
♪ I think he noticed me

1812
01:25:44.965 --> 01:25:48.317
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1813
01:25:48.360 --> 01:25:52.451
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

1814
01:25:52.495 --> 01:25:56.412
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1815
01:25:56.455 --> 01:26:00.067
♪ I think he noticed me

1816
01:26:00.111 --> 01:26:03.157
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1817
01:26:03.201 --> 01:26:06.639
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

1818
01:26:06.683 --> 01:26:09.816
♪ What I mean is,
I really like your penis ♪

1819
01:26:09.860 --> 01:26:13.951
♪ I just wanna see it
naked again ♪

1820
01:26:13.994 --> 01:26:17.128
♪ What I mean is,
I really like your penis ♪

1821
01:26:17.172 --> 01:26:21.263
♪ I just wanna see it
naked again ♪

1822
01:26:21.306 --> 01:26:25.441
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1823
01:26:25.484 --> 01:26:29.662
♪ I think he noticed me

1824
01:26:29.706 --> 01:26:32.665
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1825
01:26:32.709 --> 01:26:36.713
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

1826
01:26:36.755 --> 01:26:40.673
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1827
01:26:40.717 --> 01:26:44.416
♪ I think he noticed me

1828
01:26:44.460 --> 01:26:47.593
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1829
01:26:47.637 --> 01:26:51.206
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

1830
01:26:51.249 --> 01:26:54.600
♪ I really like
when your dick is wet ♪

1831
01:26:54.644 --> 01:26:58.865
♪ It's my favorite, yeah-eah

1832
01:26:58.909 --> 01:27:01.868
♪ I really like
when your dick is wet ♪

1833
01:27:01.912 --> 01:27:06.046
♪ It's my favorite, yeah-eah

1834
01:27:06.090 --> 01:27:10.268
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1835
01:27:10.312 --> 01:27:14.011
♪ I think he noticed me

1836
01:27:14.054 --> 01:27:17.057
♪ I see his Joshua tree

1837
01:27:17.101 --> 01:27:19.190
♪ His Joshua tree,
his Joshua tree ♪

1838
01:27:19.234 --> 01:27:21.800
♪ Joshua tree