WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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RuPaul: The queens
of "RuPaul's Drag Race"

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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are recreating
an unforgettable episode

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of "The Brady Bunch."

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It's a one-of-a-kind
television event

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fit for a queen.

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Uh-huh.

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RuPaul: With appearances
by the Brady OGs.

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Hold onto your wig.

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Oh.
This is my own hair.

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This classic is about
to be drag.

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* Here's the story
of a lovely lady *

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* Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls *

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She'd already done had herses.

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* All of them
had hair of gold *

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* Like their mother *

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-* The youngest one in curls *
-Hey, get it, girl!

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* It's the story
of a man named Brady *

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* Who was busy
with three boys of his own *

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Werk!

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* They were four men
living all together *

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* Yet they were all alone *

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* Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow *

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Whoo!

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* And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch *

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* That this group
must somehow form a family *

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Chile!

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* That's the way we all became
the Brady Bunch *

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* The Brady Bunch *

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* The Brady Bunch *

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* That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch *

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[RuPaul laughs]

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Hi, Mom.

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Hi, honey.
How was school today?

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Okay.

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Alice made some of
your favorite cookies,

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-if you're hungry.
-Good, I am.

39
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Mm, this is for you.

40
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Oh, hey, it's an invitation
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.

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Who opened it?

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I did, but it wasn't my fault.
Look at the envelope.

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"Marcia Brady"?

44
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How come my invitation
was addressed to you?

45
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I don't know.

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Lucy's your friend,
so I called her to check it out.

47
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Well, what did she say?

48
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Oh, you know,
just one of those things.

49
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She made a mistake and put
my name instead of yours.

50
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-Mom?
-Yes, honey?

51
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Did you hear about
Lucy Winter's invitation?

52
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Well, I did hear Marcia
calling about it.

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[sighs] Why does this
always happen to me?

54
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Why does what always happen?

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People always
forgetting who I am.

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I'm always
Marcia's younger sister

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or Cindy's older sister.

58
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Being in the middle
is like being invisible.

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Oh, Jan, I really think you're
making too much out of this.

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I mean, after all,

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you were the one
who was invited to the party.

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They won't even know I'm there.

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Jan Brady will, that's who!

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Dad, can I talk to you?

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Sure, Peter, just a minute.

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[whistles a tune]

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Peter, what is it you want?

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Well, I was wondering if I could
have an advance on my allowance.

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Advance on your allowance?

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I just gave you your allowance
for this week.

71
00:04:22.730 --> 00:04:25.832
Well, I was thinking more like
an advance on next week's.

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What happened to this week's?

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Well, I saw the chance for
a really great business deal,

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so I lent everything I had
to Jan.

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$4.49 at 20% interest.

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What does Jan need
all that money for?

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She didn't say.

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What do you need the money for?

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Well, I was invited to Lucy
Winter's birthday party, too,

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so I guess
I gotta get her a present.

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That's probably what Jan
wanted the money for.

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How much do you need?

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Mm, 49 cents.

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49 cents?

85
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Why exactly 49 cents?

86
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Well, I figure that's what Lucy
spent on my present,

87
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and I don't wanna embarrass her

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by getting her
something too good.

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Well, that's very considerate,
Peter.

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You owe me a penny.

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Got it right here.

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Thanks.

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Oh. Huh.

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Goodbye, Peter.

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Are you looking
for someone, dear?

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Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm looking for a wig.

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You mean for yourself?

98
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Yes, ma'am.

99
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Well, I think your own hair
is nice.

100
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I love it.

101
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I don't know why
you'd wanna change it.

102
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Well, I think
you'd probably know

103
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if you had
two blonde sisters at home.

104
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Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
I see the problem.

105
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We want a complete change,
do we?

106
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Yes, ma'am,
that's what we want.

107
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Well, now, what style wig
do you have in mind?

108
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I don't know.
Something crazy.

109
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Kind of like the style
you're wearing.

110
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Oh, this is my own hair.

111
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Oh, I'm sorry.

112
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Not half as sorry as I am.

113
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Well, now let's see
what we've got here.

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There's early rust,
Pompeii pumice,

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lunar dust, and here's--no.

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[chuckles]

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Hey, this one's kind of nice.

118
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Oh, yes. That's your
midnight temptress.

119
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Hey, now, listen.

120
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Don't you think
it's a little...mature?

121
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Well, I'm older than I look.

122
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I'm 12.

123
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Oh, that old?

124
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Well, you carry it very well.

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Midnight temptress, huh?

126
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That's right.

127
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Well, I don't think
I'll be up that late.

128
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Oh. Well...

129
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Do you mind
if I kinda look around?

130
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Oh, no, not at all.

131
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And listen, with
each and every purchase,

132
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you get a free Styrofoam head.

133
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Hey, this one's
kind of different.

134
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Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

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I wouldn't recommend that.

136
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Why not?

137
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It's a handbag,

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and it shouldn't be over here.

139
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Helen! Helen?

140
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How many times
do I have to tell you?

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Never mix the merchandise.

142
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Helen, it is tacky!

143
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Well, I'll just keep looking.

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It's so embarrassing.

145
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A little girl almost
walked out of the store

146
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wearing this on her head.

147
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What a diva.

148
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Cindy, what are you looking for?

149
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Hair ribbons.

150
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I can't go to Jenny's house
without them,

151
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or else she'll get mad.

152
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Why?

153
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Because they're her hair
ribbons.

154
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When was the last time
you saw them?

155
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Last night
when I took them off.

156
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Hey, maybe they're in
the bathroom.

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[jiggles doorknob]

158
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[knock on door]

159
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Whoever it is, I'm in here.

160
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Jan, let me in.
I have to get my hair ribbons.

161
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Come back later.

162
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Come on, Jan, open up!

163
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Would you let us in?

164
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Grab 'em.

165
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Jan, what happened?

166
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The top of your head
turned black.

167
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Don't be silly.
It's a wig.

168
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Where did you get that?

169
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I bought it this morning.

170
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What do you think?

171
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Jan, I think it looks awful.

172
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Who asked for your opinion?

173
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Oh, I've always liked
this dress on Jan.

174
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[mumbling] Mm, this one's
one of my favorites.

175
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You, too, huh?

176
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[mumbling]
Mm, mm. Put it on.

177
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Okay, yeah, I agree.

178
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Honey, have you seen those
blueprints I brought home?

179
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Oh, Alice, have you seen
Mr. Brady's blueprints?

180
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Mm, oh! They're upstairs...
[mumbling]

181
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She says they're upstairs
in the bedroom.

182
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How could you tell
what she said?

183
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Very simple.

184
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[chuckles] Women.

185
00:10:05.205 --> 00:10:06.874
Oh, honey, listen,

186
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if you're going upstairs,
can you send Jan down?

187
00:10:09.208 --> 00:10:11.244
I want her
to try this on again.

188
00:10:14.614 --> 00:10:17.684
Jan, you can't wear that
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.

189
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I don't see why not.

190
00:10:19.485 --> 00:10:22.154
Because you'll look like
some kind of kook, that's why.

191
00:10:22.221 --> 00:10:24.191
You're just jealous, Marcia.

192
00:10:24.256 --> 00:10:27.394
Well, I'm not jealous.

193
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Wait till my friends
at the party see me.

194
00:10:29.296 --> 00:10:30.730
You know what they'll say?

195
00:10:30.798 --> 00:10:32.264
Mm-hmm.

196
00:10:32.331 --> 00:10:35.268
I can think of
a lot of things they'll say.

197
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Very funny.

198
00:10:36.669 --> 00:10:38.270
They'll say
for the very first time

199
00:10:38.337 --> 00:10:39.972
they've seen the real Jan Brady.

200
00:10:40.039 --> 00:10:43.043
-Jan?
-Uh-oh, that's Dad.

201
00:10:43.110 --> 00:10:45.611
I don't want Mom or Dad
to see me until I'm all ready.

202
00:10:45.678 --> 00:10:48.081
Well, then you better
get ready in a hurry!

203
00:10:48.148 --> 00:10:50.549
Yeah!

204
00:10:50.616 --> 00:10:51.818
Jan?

205
00:10:51.884 --> 00:10:53.485
Yes, Dad?

206
00:10:53.552 --> 00:10:55.087
Your mother wants you.

207
00:10:55.154 --> 00:10:56.756
Do you mean now?

208
00:10:56.823 --> 00:10:57.990
Yes.

209
00:10:58.057 --> 00:10:59.426
Right now?

210
00:10:59.491 --> 00:11:01.894
That's what I said.
Right now.

211
00:11:01.961 --> 00:11:04.464
You mean this very minute now?

212
00:11:04.530 --> 00:11:06.700
This very minute now.

213
00:11:06.767 --> 00:11:09.970
It's my hair.
I can't do a thing with it.

214
00:11:14.606 --> 00:11:17.576
Hey, Greg,
when's Peter coming back?

215
00:11:17.644 --> 00:11:19.678
I don't know. He went
to buy a present for Lucy.

216
00:11:19.746 --> 00:11:21.815
I got something
I better tell him.

217
00:11:21.881 --> 00:11:23.615
What?

218
00:11:23.682 --> 00:11:25.684
Guess who's gonna be
at Lucy Winter's party?

219
00:11:25.753 --> 00:11:27.053
Who?

220
00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:28.388
Margie Whipple. [laughs]

221
00:11:28.455 --> 00:11:29.889
Her brother told me.

222
00:11:29.956 --> 00:11:33.692
The one Peter says
is always chasing after him?

223
00:11:33.760 --> 00:11:37.096
Yeah, and making those goofy
eyes at him and all that mush.

224
00:11:37.163 --> 00:11:39.432
He's gonna love seeing her.

225
00:11:39.499 --> 00:11:41.902
We better warn him
when he gets back.

226
00:11:41.969 --> 00:11:44.504
Hey, wait a minute.

227
00:11:44.571 --> 00:11:46.373
What would happen
if we didn't tell him

228
00:11:46.438 --> 00:11:48.808
Margie Whipple
was gonna be there?

229
00:11:48.875 --> 00:11:51.144
Well, then he wouldn't know
till he got to the party.

230
00:11:51.211 --> 00:11:53.780
Uh-huh.

231
00:11:54.947 --> 00:11:57.384
Uh-huh.

232
00:11:58.184 --> 00:11:59.787
[glass breaks]

233
00:12:04.057 --> 00:12:05.793
You wanted to see me, Mom?

234
00:12:05.859 --> 00:12:08.528
Jan! I thought--

235
00:12:09.797 --> 00:12:12.331
I thought you washed
your hair yesterday.

236
00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:15.134
Oh, I did,
but it needed it again.

237
00:12:16.068 --> 00:12:19.538
Well, come on over here.
I wanna check a length on this.

238
00:12:19.605 --> 00:12:21.640
Couldn't we do it later?

239
00:12:24.144 --> 00:12:26.446
Jan, honey, if you wanna
wear this to the party,

240
00:12:26.513 --> 00:12:28.581
we've got to do it right now.

241
00:12:28.648 --> 00:12:29.783
Okay.

242
00:12:29.850 --> 00:12:31.183
Come on.

243
00:12:31.250 --> 00:12:33.986
Okay, Alice, you hold it up
while I take a look.

244
00:12:34.053 --> 00:12:36.623
Okay. Oh, you're really
gonna knock 'em dead

245
00:12:36.688 --> 00:12:38.725
at that party
in this dress tonight.

246
00:12:38.792 --> 00:12:40.527
-Thank you.
-Looks great.

247
00:12:40.592 --> 00:12:42.528
Goes so well
with your blonde hair.

248
00:12:43.931 --> 00:12:45.899
Hold still, Jan.

249
00:12:45.966 --> 00:12:48.201
Oh, it looks fine, huh?

250
00:12:48.268 --> 00:12:50.503
Just right.

251
00:12:51.604 --> 00:12:53.874
Mom, can we get a--

252
00:12:53.941 --> 00:12:57.476
Hey, what are you supposed
to be, a fortune teller?

253
00:12:57.543 --> 00:12:58.912
[both laugh]

254
00:12:58.979 --> 00:13:00.513
Very funny.

255
00:13:00.580 --> 00:13:01.881
Tell us, fortune teller,

256
00:13:01.948 --> 00:13:03.917
what do you see
in your crystal ball?

257
00:13:03.984 --> 00:13:05.317
Yeah, tell our fortunes.

258
00:13:05.384 --> 00:13:06.519
Go away!

259
00:13:06.586 --> 00:13:08.488
Hey, what's the matter,

260
00:13:08.554 --> 00:13:11.158
you lose your mystic powers?

261
00:13:11.224 --> 00:13:13.559
Maybe they're under her hat!

262
00:13:15.361 --> 00:13:17.029
Jan!

263
00:13:19.265 --> 00:13:21.500
What on earth?

264
00:13:21.567 --> 00:13:25.004
[both snicker and laugh]

265
00:13:25.072 --> 00:13:26.907
What's so funny?

266
00:13:26.974 --> 00:13:32.544
Nothing...if you wanna
look like Davy Crockett!

267
00:13:32.611 --> 00:13:34.681
What's going on in here?

268
00:13:36.349 --> 00:13:40.120
She looks like she has a skunk
sleeping on top of her head!

269
00:13:40.187 --> 00:13:42.422
Go away! Leave me alone!

270
00:13:42.489 --> 00:13:44.390
Greg, Bobby, that's enough.

271
00:13:44.456 --> 00:13:45.893
Here, Mrs. Brady.

272
00:13:45.959 --> 00:13:47.094
Come on, guys.

273
00:13:47.159 --> 00:13:50.096
I'll play you
a game of two-on-one.

274
00:13:50.163 --> 00:13:53.566
I don't see what's so funny
about my wig.

275
00:13:53.633 --> 00:13:56.602
Jan, where did you get that?

276
00:13:56.668 --> 00:13:59.005
I bought it,
with my own money.

277
00:13:59.072 --> 00:14:00.006
Why?

278
00:14:00.072 --> 00:14:01.408
Because I wanna wear it.

279
00:14:01.474 --> 00:14:03.275
I wanna wear it all the time
from now on.

280
00:14:03.342 --> 00:14:06.078
Honey, why?

281
00:14:06.145 --> 00:14:07.547
'Cause I wanna be me.

282
00:14:07.614 --> 00:14:09.381
I'm tired of looking
like everyone else.

283
00:14:09.448 --> 00:14:10.817
I wanna be Jan Brady.

284
00:14:10.884 --> 00:14:13.953
But, honey, Jan Brady
has blonde hair.

285
00:14:14.020 --> 00:14:16.556
But nobody notices
that Jan Brady.

286
00:14:16.623 --> 00:14:18.524
But they'll sure notice
this Jan Brady.

287
00:14:18.591 --> 00:14:21.327
Jan, a person doesn't
make themself different

288
00:14:21.394 --> 00:14:23.495
just by putting on a wig.

289
00:14:23.562 --> 00:14:27.100
It's what's inside that counts,
not the color of your hair.

290
00:14:27.167 --> 00:14:29.201
Well, if the color of my hair
doesn't matter,

291
00:14:29.269 --> 00:14:30.503
why can't I be a brunette?

292
00:14:30.570 --> 00:14:32.304
Well, honey...

293
00:14:32.371 --> 00:14:34.140
Please, can I wear it?
Please?

294
00:14:34.206 --> 00:14:36.076
Just to Lucy Winter's party.

295
00:14:37.376 --> 00:14:39.479
Well, if it means
so much to you...

296
00:14:40.613 --> 00:14:43.482
And if it's okay
with your father...

297
00:14:45.552 --> 00:14:46.619
Okay.

298
00:14:46.686 --> 00:14:48.788
Oh, thanks!
You'll see.

299
00:14:48.855 --> 00:14:51.057
Things'll be different
for me as a brunette.

300
00:15:06.072 --> 00:15:09.442
I bet I'm the hit
of Lucy's party tonight.

301
00:15:09.509 --> 00:15:13.446
How do you think Kitty Karry-All
would look with black hair?

302
00:15:13.513 --> 00:15:15.881
Same as Jan. Silly.

303
00:15:15.948 --> 00:15:17.549
You think you're so smart.

304
00:15:17.616 --> 00:15:20.287
All you have to do is take
a look at the three of us.

305
00:15:20.352 --> 00:15:22.522
Which one you think
people would notice?

306
00:15:22.588 --> 00:15:24.791
Me. I'm the shortest.

307
00:15:27.927 --> 00:15:29.562
[blows air]

308
00:15:29.629 --> 00:15:31.063
Pliers.

309
00:15:33.133 --> 00:15:35.434
Does this look like pliers?

310
00:15:35.501 --> 00:15:37.470
Mm. Mm.

311
00:15:37.537 --> 00:15:39.105
Hi.

312
00:15:39.172 --> 00:15:40.407
Hey.

313
00:15:40.472 --> 00:15:44.811
Hi. [laughs]

314
00:15:44.876 --> 00:15:46.278
What's so funny?

315
00:15:46.346 --> 00:15:48.815
[laughs]

316
00:15:50.616 --> 00:15:52.219
What are you doing?

317
00:15:52.284 --> 00:15:53.753
What does it look like
I'm doing?

318
00:15:53.820 --> 00:15:55.687
I'm gonna wrap
Lucy Winter's present.

319
00:15:55.754 --> 00:15:58.390
[laughs]

320
00:15:59.491 --> 00:16:02.794
Oh, right.
The party's tonight.

321
00:16:02.861 --> 00:16:04.797
That oughta be a lot of fun.

322
00:16:04.864 --> 00:16:07.033
Yeah, fun.

323
00:16:07.100 --> 00:16:08.701
What's the matter with him?

324
00:16:08.768 --> 00:16:11.803
Nothing.
He's just got the giggles.

325
00:16:11.870 --> 00:16:13.639
[laughs]

326
00:16:13.706 --> 00:16:16.908
Okay, something's up.

327
00:16:16.975 --> 00:16:18.311
What is it?

328
00:16:18.378 --> 00:16:19.578
Nothing at all.

329
00:16:19.645 --> 00:16:20.879
-[snickers]
-Come on, Bobby.

330
00:16:20.947 --> 00:16:22.115
You know something.
Tell me.

331
00:16:22.182 --> 00:16:23.850
-No, I don't.
-I'll tickle you.

332
00:16:23.916 --> 00:16:25.418
No, no, no! Aah!

333
00:16:25.485 --> 00:16:27.254
-Tell me!
-No! Stop!

334
00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:28.921
-Don't tickle!
-Talk! Talk!

335
00:16:28.988 --> 00:16:31.990
All right, all right,
all right, I'll tell you!

336
00:16:32.058 --> 00:16:33.793
Somebody's
gonna be at the party.

337
00:16:33.860 --> 00:16:35.028
Who?

338
00:16:35.095 --> 00:16:36.962
-Somebody.
-Who!

339
00:16:37.029 --> 00:16:39.932
It's Margie!
Margie Whipple!

340
00:16:40.932 --> 00:16:42.934
No!

341
00:16:44.903 --> 00:16:46.505
Ohh...

342
00:16:47.474 --> 00:16:49.008
No!

343
00:16:49.076 --> 00:16:50.777
You'll have a great time, Pete.

344
00:16:50.842 --> 00:16:52.979
Yeah, great,
with her chasing me

345
00:16:53.046 --> 00:16:55.381
and making dumb faces
all night?

346
00:16:55.447 --> 00:16:56.582
I'm not going.

347
00:16:56.649 --> 00:16:58.284
You gotta go.

348
00:16:58.350 --> 00:17:00.886
You can't promise
you're gonna go and take Jan

349
00:17:00.952 --> 00:17:02.322
and then not do it.

350
00:17:02.389 --> 00:17:04.656
Not unless you were sick
or something.

351
00:17:04.723 --> 00:17:06.125
Yeah, well, just the same, I--

352
00:17:06.192 --> 00:17:08.060
["inspiration" sting]

353
00:17:08.127 --> 00:17:10.130
What's the matter?

354
00:17:11.564 --> 00:17:14.666
Ohh...

355
00:17:14.733 --> 00:17:18.505
...am I beginning to feel sick.

356
00:17:19.506 --> 00:17:21.708
[groans]

357
00:17:21.773 --> 00:17:23.143
Ugh!

358
00:17:28.615 --> 00:17:30.982
So I thought you'd better
take a look at Peter.

359
00:17:31.049 --> 00:17:33.019
Yeah, he doesn't sound so good.

360
00:17:33.086 --> 00:17:34.721
He's kind of moanin'.

361
00:17:34.787 --> 00:17:35.887
And groaning.

362
00:17:35.954 --> 00:17:37.423
When did this happen?

363
00:17:37.490 --> 00:17:38.691
Just a little while ago.

364
00:17:38.758 --> 00:17:39.959
All of a sudden.

365
00:17:40.026 --> 00:17:42.561
Never a dull moment
around here.

366
00:17:46.065 --> 00:17:47.032
[footsteps]

367
00:17:47.099 --> 00:17:51.570
[groans and moans]

368
00:17:55.107 --> 00:17:56.542
Peter, what's wrong?

369
00:17:56.608 --> 00:17:59.278
Oh, I don't know.
I just don't feel so good.

370
00:17:59.346 --> 00:18:01.647
It kind of hit him
all of a sudden.

371
00:18:01.713 --> 00:18:03.415
Yeah, like lightning.

372
00:18:04.951 --> 00:18:07.753
You boys better leave us alone.

373
00:18:07.819 --> 00:18:09.455
Sure, Dad.

374
00:18:10.690 --> 00:18:11.790
[sighs]

375
00:18:11.857 --> 00:18:13.826
Where does it hurt, Peter?

376
00:18:13.893 --> 00:18:16.296
Kinda all over.

377
00:18:16.363 --> 00:18:18.498
It's sort of a traveling pain.

378
00:18:19.499 --> 00:18:20.833
When did it start?

379
00:18:20.900 --> 00:18:22.434
Just a little while ago.

380
00:18:22.501 --> 00:18:26.638
I guess I'll have to miss
Lucy Winter's terrific party.

381
00:18:28.840 --> 00:18:30.210
It's that bad, is it?

382
00:18:30.277 --> 00:18:32.711
Yeah. I'm gonna have
to miss it, all right.

383
00:18:32.778 --> 00:18:35.948
Boy, am I unhappy about that.

384
00:18:36.015 --> 00:18:37.549
Yes, we can see that.

385
00:18:37.616 --> 00:18:41.320
Mike, don't you think
we'd better call the doctor?

386
00:18:41.387 --> 00:18:43.789
Oh, yeah, yeah, right away.

387
00:18:43.855 --> 00:18:45.892
Doctor? I'll be all right.

388
00:18:45.958 --> 00:18:47.626
See? I can sit up a little.

389
00:18:47.693 --> 00:18:50.262
Dear, I really think it's better
if you stay in bed.

390
00:18:50.329 --> 00:18:52.332
Yeah, at least
for a couple of days.

391
00:18:52.398 --> 00:18:54.267
But I got a ball game tomorrow.

392
00:18:54.334 --> 00:18:56.134
Not if you're sick.

393
00:18:56.202 --> 00:18:58.538
Wait. I'll be all right.
I feel much better now.

394
00:18:58.605 --> 00:19:01.641
I'm sorry, Peter,
but we can't take any chances.

395
00:19:01.708 --> 00:19:05.111
Look, I'm not sick anymore,
okay, see?

396
00:19:05.178 --> 00:19:08.414
Can I play in my ball game
tomorrow, please?

397
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.784
Well, just to make sure
you're okay, Peter,

398
00:19:11.851 --> 00:19:15.488
you can take your sister
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.

399
00:19:15.555 --> 00:19:18.958
If you're okay after that,
then you can play.

400
00:19:19.025 --> 00:19:20.593
That's a good idea, Mike.

401
00:19:20.660 --> 00:19:23.762
I know Peter would just hate
to miss that party.

402
00:19:27.267 --> 00:19:31.103
Yeah, I can hardly wait.

403
00:19:34.140 --> 00:19:37.108
Come on, Peter.
What's the matter with you?

404
00:19:37.175 --> 00:19:39.746
You act like you're going
to the electric chair.

405
00:19:39.811 --> 00:19:42.315
That would be better
than facing that Margie.

406
00:19:42.382 --> 00:19:44.517
I think I'll lock myself
in a closet.

407
00:19:44.584 --> 00:19:46.152
Well, you may not
have a good time,

408
00:19:46.219 --> 00:19:48.320
but the new Jan Brady
is gonna be a smash.

409
00:19:48.387 --> 00:19:50.390
Now, you go first
and sort of announce me.

410
00:19:50.457 --> 00:19:52.659
I wanna make a big entrance.

411
00:19:56.194 --> 00:19:57.564
[door opens]

412
00:19:57.630 --> 00:19:58.397
Oh, hi, Peter!

413
00:19:58.464 --> 00:20:00.031
Hi, Lucy, happy birthday.

414
00:20:00.098 --> 00:20:03.001
Thank you.
Margie, Peter's here!

415
00:20:03.068 --> 00:20:05.037
Did you have to do that?

416
00:20:05.104 --> 00:20:08.140
Hi, Peter. How are you?

417
00:20:08.207 --> 00:20:10.108
Where's Jan?

418
00:20:10.175 --> 00:20:12.311
Oh, okay, everybody,

419
00:20:12.378 --> 00:20:17.182
here's my sister,
the new Jan Brady!

420
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:20.787
Hi there.

421
00:20:23.221 --> 00:20:25.191
Happy birthday, Lucy.

422
00:20:25.258 --> 00:20:27.426
-Hi, Margie.
-Hi.

423
00:20:28.327 --> 00:20:30.730
Jan, that's terrific!

424
00:20:30.797 --> 00:20:32.163
Thanks!

425
00:20:32.230 --> 00:20:35.201
It's the funniest joke
you've ever played!

426
00:20:36.935 --> 00:20:40.072
You really look funny.

427
00:20:41.708 --> 00:20:45.044
Hey, that'd be great
for Halloween.

428
00:20:45.111 --> 00:20:46.712
Halloween?

429
00:20:46.778 --> 00:20:48.615
Yeah, Halloween!

430
00:20:55.521 --> 00:20:57.324
What's the matter with her?

431
00:20:57.390 --> 00:21:00.792
Lucy, she didn't mean it
to be a joke.

432
00:21:00.859 --> 00:21:02.894
You mean she wasn't kidding?

433
00:21:02.961 --> 00:21:04.596
Nope.

434
00:21:13.740 --> 00:21:16.107
RuPaul:
I'm sorry, my dear.

435
00:21:16.174 --> 00:21:18.345
Sashay away.

436
00:21:23.450 --> 00:21:27.953
[click]
Oh, honey, wasn't that good?

437
00:21:28.019 --> 00:21:30.690
-Is it over?
-Is it over?!

438
00:21:30.757 --> 00:21:33.291
You were the one
that wanted to watch it!

439
00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:36.228
Well, sure.
It was one of my favorite shows.

440
00:21:36.295 --> 00:21:40.199
I'm gonna get you!
[both laugh]

441
00:21:48.840 --> 00:21:50.742
Jan?

442
00:21:52.177 --> 00:21:53.445
Hi there.

443
00:21:53.512 --> 00:21:56.949
Honey, what's the matter?

444
00:21:57.016 --> 00:21:58.518
They laughed at me.

445
00:21:58.585 --> 00:22:00.353
They thought my wig was a joke.

446
00:22:00.420 --> 00:22:04.256
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

447
00:22:05.156 --> 00:22:08.094
Mom, Dad, you were right.

448
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:11.262
I guess I do look like some
kind of freak in this thing.

449
00:22:11.329 --> 00:22:14.567
Oh, honey, you just
don't look like you.

450
00:22:14.634 --> 00:22:18.237
Well, Jan, your friends
like you the way you are.

451
00:22:18.304 --> 00:22:21.407
I sure wasted my money
on that thing.

452
00:22:21.473 --> 00:22:23.742
Oh, honey, I'm not so sure.

453
00:22:23.809 --> 00:22:28.780
Maybe you learned a valuable
lesson very cheaply.

454
00:22:28.847 --> 00:22:32.151
Why didn't you wait, Jan?
I would have walked you home.

455
00:22:32.218 --> 00:22:33.920
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

456
00:22:33.986 --> 00:22:36.021
-Hi, Lucy.
-Hello, girls.

457
00:22:36.087 --> 00:22:37.589
Jan, we're sorry.

458
00:22:37.656 --> 00:22:39.726
We didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

459
00:22:39.791 --> 00:22:42.193
We thought the wig
had to be a joke.

460
00:22:42.260 --> 00:22:44.864
Your own hair, it's so pretty.

461
00:22:44.931 --> 00:22:46.132
We all envy it.

462
00:22:46.198 --> 00:22:47.933
You do?

463
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:51.538
Will you come back
to the party with us, please?

464
00:22:51.604 --> 00:22:52.872
Well...

465
00:22:52.939 --> 00:22:55.173
Oh, honey, why don't you?

466
00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:58.044
Well...

467
00:22:58.109 --> 00:23:00.246
I'd like to, I guess.

468
00:23:00.311 --> 00:23:02.248
Okay.

469
00:23:02.314 --> 00:23:03.982
Come on!

470
00:23:05.384 --> 00:23:06.986
Come on, Peter.

471
00:23:07.053 --> 00:23:08.488
No chance!

472
00:23:08.555 --> 00:23:12.090
Pete, I thought
we had an agreement?

473
00:23:12.157 --> 00:23:14.093
Oh, yeah.

474
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:15.694
Okay, I'll go.

475
00:23:17.763 --> 00:23:19.465
Yeah, he's shy.

476
00:23:19.531 --> 00:23:21.333
Like father, like son.

477
00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:22.969
[chuckles] Like heck!

478
00:23:23.035 --> 00:23:24.936
Oh!
[both laugh]

479
00:23:43.722 --> 00:23:47.326
Oh!

480
00:23:49.796 --> 00:23:51.363
Oh, oh, oh!

481
00:23:51.430 --> 00:23:52.699
I didn't--

482
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:56.035
Jan gave it to me.

483
00:23:56.102 --> 00:23:58.605
Whaddaya think, Mrs. Brady?

484
00:24:00.006 --> 00:24:03.576
Oh, well--well,
I--I think, uh, it's, um--

485
00:24:03.643 --> 00:24:07.346
Oh, well, what I mean is
I think it--

486
00:24:07.413 --> 00:24:10.517
What do you think, Mike?

487
00:24:10.583 --> 00:24:15.622
Well, I think it's--
I mean, it's--

488
00:24:15.688 --> 00:24:18.356
It's certainly got a lot of--

489
00:24:19.357 --> 00:24:21.528
I think I need a third opinion.

490
00:24:21.594 --> 00:24:23.563
Alice, what do you think?

491
00:24:25.330 --> 00:24:27.799
It's unanimous.

492
00:24:27.866 --> 00:24:30.636
Oh, well.
I could always shave it

493
00:24:30.702 --> 00:24:32.438
and use it for a shower cap.

494
00:24:32.505 --> 00:24:35.340
[all laugh]

495
00:24:37.276 --> 00:24:39.111
And that's a wrap!

496
00:24:39.177 --> 00:24:41.079
Whoa-ho!

497
00:24:41.146 --> 00:24:43.382
[cheering]

498
00:24:43.449 --> 00:24:45.084
We've got some groceries.

499
00:24:53.559 --> 00:24:56.895
Hey, guys,
come on, come on.

500
00:24:56.962 --> 00:25:00.967
[cheering]

501
00:25:01.032 --> 00:25:03.536
Thank you! Thank you!

502
00:25:17.750 --> 00:25:19.484
Oh, the house
is falling apart.

503
00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:22.421
He went to buy a present
for Margie.

504
00:25:22.488 --> 00:25:24.691
-Fuckin' A.
-[laughs]

505
00:25:24.757 --> 00:25:25.892
Oh, honey.

506
00:25:25.958 --> 00:25:27.459
What the fuck is the line?

507
00:25:44.676 --> 00:25:46.278
Jan!

508
00:25:46.345 --> 00:25:48.580
[laughs]

509
00:25:48.647 --> 00:25:50.281
Jan!

510
00:25:50.348 --> 00:25:51.217
Sorry. [laughs]

511
00:25:51.282 --> 00:25:53.318
You wanted to see me, Mom?

512
00:25:53.384 --> 00:25:56.122
[laughs]

513
00:25:56.188 --> 00:26:00.660
Sexy? I want a black wig
and I want it now!

514
00:26:00.727 --> 00:26:03.328
How now, brown cow?

515
00:26:03.394 --> 00:26:05.564
19 kids. We have
two bags of groceries.

516
00:26:05.632 --> 00:26:06.932
[all laugh]

517
00:26:06.999 --> 00:26:09.567
Is that an Oscar
award winning performance?

518
00:26:09.635 --> 00:26:11.103
I think so.

519
00:26:11.170 --> 00:26:12.904
-Honey, what's wrong?
-Honey, what's the matter?

520
00:26:12.971 --> 00:26:14.472
Fucking shit!

521
00:26:14.539 --> 00:26:17.143
Well, Jan, your friends
like you the way you are.

522
00:26:17.209 --> 00:26:19.211
It's the family who hates you.

523
00:26:19.278 --> 00:26:21.079
Okay, got it.
Okay, here we go.

524
00:26:25.250 --> 00:26:28.153
Not bloody sick anymore. See?

525
00:26:28.220 --> 00:26:30.256
Can I play
in my damn baseball game?

526
00:26:30.321 --> 00:26:32.124
[all laugh]