WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(lively music begins)

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- My name is Maddy and I
have three moms and no dad.

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That sounds pretty wild,

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and I totally wanna
explain everything,

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but first we should
meet Lynette Price.

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Not too many years ago,

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Lynette was a grad student and
lived in the academic wilds

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of Southern California.

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School didn't allow
Lynette too many breaks

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but one thing she
looked forward to

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was the monthly dinner
party she took turns hosting

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with her best friends,
Jessica and Candy.

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(knocking)

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- Just a second.

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(knocking continues)

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- I was robbed.

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- My God, I'm
calling the police.

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- [Candy] Hello-hello.

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- [Lynette] We've
got an emergency.

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- What happened?

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- Jess got robbed last night.

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I'm trying to call the police.

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- Couldn't you call
them last night?

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- They wouldn't let me use my
cell phone in the ambulance.

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- What were you doing
in an ambulance?

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- They had to take
me to the hospital

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to get out the shrapnel.

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- Shrapnel?

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- It's okay, honey, the
staples are holding.

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- Why did they staple you?

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- Well, there's this little
girl and she needed a kidney

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00:03:07.312 --> 00:03:08.605
and we were a match.

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- You donated one
of your kidneys?

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That's so, so-

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- Out of character.

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- Well everything changed
when I saw the angel.

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- Oh, a real angel?

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- She was wearing this
amazing dress, Dior, I think.

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- Angel.

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- She was super cute. All glowy.

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- Jess, what do you need?

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- Your apartment.

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(slow music begins)

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- When did Jessica
as a young girl

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realize that people were
treating her specially

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because of the way she looked?

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And when did she figure
out how to use that

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to her advantage?

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(sighs)

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- Aren't you going
to kick me out?

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- You must keep your hands
to yourself, Jessica.

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- Why aren't you
going to kick me out?

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I pushed over Melanie.

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- Yes. And you cannot do that.

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- Kick me out, make
her play Clara.

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She's so much better than me.

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- I know, but-

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- See, you agree she's better.

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- Our donors expect
grace and beauty.

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You project that
better than Melanie.

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- How? I'm a total slob.

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Have my sister Carolyn do it.

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She's beautiful
and full of grace.

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- We don't have time for this.

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You will play the part of Clara.

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You will let Melanie coach you,

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and you will keep your
hands to yourself.

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- Or what?

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- Or I will let your mother
know that you hit another child.

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- Did you hear what
Melanie said to me?

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When you told her to help
me she said, "Why bother?"

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- Take this.

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Go to the bakery and
get yourself something.

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Cool down. And then come back.

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- Is this a bribe?

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- It's a deal.

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(background soft
music continues)

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- [Lynette] Why do
you need my apartment?

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- I have a date, silly.

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- You also have
your own apartment.

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- You have a date?

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Oh, so you're okay.

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- Oh, careful. My face hurts.

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- Oh.

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From where the robbers beat you?

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- It's been hurting
worse every day.

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I bought this makeup Iman and
I think I'm allergic to it.

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- Iman? The model? But you
don't want anything like her.

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- I'm doing a tanned thing.

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Damn Iman!

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It's been hurting all week.

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- Have you seen a doctor?

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- Yeah. He gave me some goop,
but I'm not going to touch it.

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- Why not?

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- Goop dries out your skin.

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If I dry my skin, I'll look old.

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- But-

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- Well, I'm not going to
walk around looking old.

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- People do it every day.

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- Lynnie, this is
how you can help me.

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Let me use your apartment so
this guy thinks I'm smart.

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- Jess, you are smart.

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- No, I have taste.
Big difference.

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- Does my apartment look smart?

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(soft music continues)

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- What moron convinced
young Lynette

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that being the smartest
one in the room

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wasn't a good thing?

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(soft music begins)

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- Hi, Enzo.

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- Hey, Lynette.

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- Mr. Marsh said that you
were looking for someone

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to help you with geometry.

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I'm a pretty good tutor.

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- Look, I know you're smart

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but that doesn't mean I
want to hang out with you.

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- But-
- No.

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Are you going to buy anything?

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Because I gotta
get back to work.

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- Enzo, clean toilet.

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Good afternoon.

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Special today is spinach
and (mumbles) croissant.

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- I guess I'll have a
piece of Devil's Food cake.

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- You have smart things.

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Your smart pictures,

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smart furniture.

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Look at this flute thing.

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No normal person can
play a thing like this.

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- It was an heirloom.

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- Say that again.

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- Heirloom.

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- Heirloom.

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Heirloom.

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Oh, look, honey.

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This precious little flute
thing here is a heirloom.

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- [Lynette] An heirloom.

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- Oh, of course I don't
know how to play it.

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That's a lost art form
from the underclass.

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- Actually you can
learn how down at the Y.

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- What's a "Y"?

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- The YMCA. Where I teach
knitting and take scrapbooking.

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- Is this a first date?

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- No. Third.

146
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- Third date with the same guy?

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Congratulations!

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- Ow.

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- No, it's just that
getting to a third date

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seems hard for you.

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- Ow.

152
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- No, it's not that men don't
want to go out with you.

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It's just-

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- You get bored.

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(chuckles)

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- Like men never bore you two.

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- I never meet any.

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At her job, Candy must have
to beat them off with a stick.

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(slow music continues)

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- Young candy
seemed to know right

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from the start that her
sunny smile could light up

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even the darkest day.

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- Hi.

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- I'm Candy's mother.

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There's been a
loss in the family.

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- I know.

167
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I was told. I'm sorry.

168
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Candy.

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Did you grab your
reader, Sunshine?

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- You call her Sunshine?

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- Oh, we all do. It's her smile.

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Oh, I could put a
stop to it if you-

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- No. Please don't.

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It's beautiful.

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- Bye, Ms. Jenkins.

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- Bye.

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- Mommy, why are you so sad?

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- I miss my mommy.

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- When you're sad, something
sweet can make you feel better.

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That's what Ms. Jenkins says.

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- Maybe we'll stop on the
way and get your favorite.

182
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- Hugs can help too.

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- They help so much, Sunshine.

184
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- Our first two dates
were out on the town

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00:09:03.793 --> 00:09:06.128
so now I'm going to show
him my domestic side.

186
00:09:06.128 --> 00:09:08.172
- You don't have
a domestic side.

187
00:09:08.172 --> 00:09:09.173
- Well, exactly.

188
00:09:09.173 --> 00:09:10.716
So I'm going to use yours.

189
00:09:10.716 --> 00:09:13.302
- Ooh, is this with that guy
who works on the 21st floor?

190
00:09:13.302 --> 00:09:14.804
- No, I'm so over him.

191
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- 18th floor?

192
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- He kisses like Scooby-Doo.

193
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- The hunk from the mail room?

194
00:09:21.227 --> 00:09:22.478
(chuckles)

195
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- Like I would ever
do the mail room.

196
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- But-

197
00:09:26.148 --> 00:09:27.149
- Hey, we agreed
that never happened.

198
00:09:28.651 --> 00:09:30.528
- Is this that guy we met
at that party last weekend?

199
00:09:30.528 --> 00:09:31.654
- Which?

200
00:09:31.654 --> 00:09:32.488
- The tall one.

201
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Dark hair?

202
00:09:33.489 --> 00:09:34.574
- No, no no. Which party?

203
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- You and I met a photographer.

204
00:09:36.075 --> 00:09:37.326
- Oh yeah!

205
00:09:37.326 --> 00:09:39.704
He stared at me
with bridal lust.

206
00:09:39.704 --> 00:09:40.913
I almost slapped him.

207
00:09:40.913 --> 00:09:42.331
- I talked to him a little.

208
00:09:42.331 --> 00:09:44.709
- Little? More like 45 minutes.

209
00:09:44.709 --> 00:09:47.503
But yeah, he and I went out
for drinks later that night.

210
00:09:48.713 --> 00:09:49.505
- Oh.

211
00:09:50.756 --> 00:09:52.425
He seemed nice.

212
00:09:52.425 --> 00:09:56.178
- He is going to take one
look around this apartment

213
00:09:56.178 --> 00:09:59.432
and think that I don't
need him, which is perfect.

214
00:09:59.432 --> 00:10:02.226
- My apartment says
I don't need men?

215
00:10:02.226 --> 00:10:04.270
- Everything about you
says you don't need men.

216
00:10:04.270 --> 00:10:06.188
- She's working on her PhD.

217
00:10:06.188 --> 00:10:07.106
- Exactly.

218
00:10:07.106 --> 00:10:09.191
- Educated women don't need men?

219
00:10:09.191 --> 00:10:11.193
- Maybe for experiments
or something.

220
00:10:11.193 --> 00:10:14.905
But, look, you
talk so much about

221
00:10:16.032 --> 00:10:18.200
whatever it is that you study

222
00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:20.536
that I could write a
desecration of my own.

223
00:10:20.536 --> 00:10:21.579
- Well, don't worry.

224
00:10:21.579 --> 00:10:23.789
I'm through talking about it.

225
00:10:23.789 --> 00:10:25.374
- See, she's sick of it too.

226
00:10:25.374 --> 00:10:27.376
- You've finished
your dissertation?

227
00:10:27.376 --> 00:10:29.378
Oh, congratulations.

228
00:10:29.378 --> 00:10:31.130
- Are we celebrating?

229
00:10:31.130 --> 00:10:32.632
Should I get a stripper?

230
00:10:32.632 --> 00:10:34.050
I know a really good one
with a pizza boy routine.

231
00:10:34.050 --> 00:10:35.926
- Let's celebrate with
what I got from work.

232
00:10:35.926 --> 00:10:39.138
There's salads and for
dressing we have honey-mustard,

233
00:10:39.138 --> 00:10:41.474
light Italian and
strawberry pistachio

234
00:10:41.474 --> 00:10:43.225
- Strawberry pistachio?

235
00:10:43.225 --> 00:10:44.560
Is that a new recipe?

236
00:10:44.560 --> 00:10:46.562
- New accident, but
it's not that bad.

237
00:10:47.938 --> 00:10:49.732
- Dude, your disaster
dressing can be poisonous.

238
00:10:51.734 --> 00:10:54.236
Like the strawberries
and the nuts

239
00:10:54.236 --> 00:10:57.114
could have some crazy
chemical reaction

240
00:10:57.114 --> 00:10:58.741
like when you mixed
drink cleaners.

241
00:10:58.741 --> 00:11:00.910
- When did you ever
touch drain cleaner?

242
00:11:02.078 --> 00:11:03.913
- I saw it on "News
of the Weird".

243
00:11:03.913 --> 00:11:05.581
Some lady died.

244
00:11:05.581 --> 00:11:08.084
- Oh, shut up and
taste it, Jess.

245
00:11:14.465 --> 00:11:15.341
- Damn it!

246
00:11:15.341 --> 00:11:16.300
- You hate it?

247
00:11:16.300 --> 00:11:18.094
- Well, it's delicious.

248
00:11:18.094 --> 00:11:19.428
- Then what?

249
00:11:19.428 --> 00:11:21.472
- Why does Candy have
to be so creative?

250
00:11:21.472 --> 00:11:23.432
I mean, it's bad
enough that she looks

251
00:11:24.684 --> 00:11:26.435
how she looks.

252
00:11:26.435 --> 00:11:29.271
- Why don't you borrow
Candy's place for your date?

253
00:11:29.271 --> 00:11:30.189
- Uh.

254
00:11:30.189 --> 00:11:31.774
- Guys love creative women.

255
00:11:31.774 --> 00:11:35.319
And in her bedroom Candy has
scratch-and-sniff wallpaper.

256
00:11:35.319 --> 00:11:36.779
- Oh I wore that out.

257
00:11:36.779 --> 00:11:39.824
- And books from
all over the world.

258
00:11:39.824 --> 00:11:42.118
I never knew there was more
than one version of Cinderella.

259
00:11:42.118 --> 00:11:43.285
- Yeah, the Brothers
Grimm's version

260
00:11:43.285 --> 00:11:44.787
is called "Aschenputtel".

261
00:11:44.787 --> 00:11:46.330
- Amazing.

262
00:11:46.330 --> 00:11:48.290
Jess, this guy would
fall in love with you

263
00:11:48.290 --> 00:11:50.042
if you were Candy.

264
00:11:50.042 --> 00:11:52.128
- "Ashpuddle". It sounds dirty.

265
00:11:53.796 --> 00:11:54.547
Ow.

266
00:11:54.547 --> 00:11:55.339
Face. Ow.

267
00:11:57.717 --> 00:11:59.176
- Hey, why don't we
take our monthly picture

268
00:11:59.176 --> 00:12:01.679
so you can take
off Iman's makeup.

269
00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:03.389
- No, no, I can wait.

270
00:12:03.389 --> 00:12:05.474
You guys finish
your little salads

271
00:12:05.474 --> 00:12:07.143
with your scary dressing.

272
00:12:07.143 --> 00:12:10.312
(gentle music begins)

273
00:12:14.650 --> 00:12:17.319
Oh. It feels kind of
like sunburn your face.

274
00:12:17.319 --> 00:12:18.821
- Your face?

275
00:12:18.821 --> 00:12:20.239
- Yeah.

276
00:12:20.239 --> 00:12:21.574
Like warm and prickly.

277
00:12:23.159 --> 00:12:24.326
But if I just stare at the wall

278
00:12:24.326 --> 00:12:26.495
and don't move, it's fine.

279
00:12:29.498 --> 00:12:30.833
But then my neck gets tired.

280
00:12:32.752 --> 00:12:34.587
- I'm so sorry you're
not feeling good, Jess.

281
00:12:34.587 --> 00:12:38.507
- Lynnie, do you have any acids
so I can burn my skin off?

282
00:12:38.507 --> 00:12:40.342
- Go get some ice
out of the freezer.

283
00:12:41.510 --> 00:12:42.344
- Okay.

284
00:12:51.187 --> 00:12:53.105
Lynnie, I don't think
your ice is cold enough.

285
00:12:53.105 --> 00:12:54.190
- Blow on it.

286
00:12:54.190 --> 00:12:55.024
That cools it off.

287
00:12:58.861 --> 00:13:01.280
- Ow! My face hurts when I blow.

288
00:13:03.365 --> 00:13:04.700
- I'm not gonna touch that.

289
00:13:06.202 --> 00:13:08.412
- Why don't you wanna
stick your whole head in?

290
00:13:13.375 --> 00:13:14.210
- Ow.

291
00:13:14.210 --> 00:13:15.544
Oh my God I'm stuck.

292
00:13:15.544 --> 00:13:17.213
I'm stuck, you guys.

293
00:13:18.714 --> 00:13:19.632
I'm stuck, guys!

294
00:13:19.632 --> 00:13:20.466
I'm stuck.

295
00:13:24.470 --> 00:13:25.304
- Hold still.

296
00:13:25.304 --> 00:13:26.889
- [Jessica] Owie, ow!

297
00:13:26.889 --> 00:13:29.558
(water gushing)

298
00:13:30.434 --> 00:13:31.727
- Lynnie, what happens next?

299
00:13:31.727 --> 00:13:33.562
- I have to defend
my dissertation.

300
00:13:33.562 --> 00:13:35.064
- Defend it?

301
00:13:35.064 --> 00:13:37.316
- This panel of professors
rakes me over the coals.

302
00:13:37.316 --> 00:13:39.652
- Speaking of burning
coals, my face is burning.

303
00:13:39.652 --> 00:13:41.737
- The process helps me
scrape away the b.s.

304
00:13:41.737 --> 00:13:44.114
- I wish I could scrape
this freezer off my face.

305
00:13:45.282 --> 00:13:46.075
Ow.

306
00:13:48.577 --> 00:13:49.995
- I'm counting on
them approving it.

307
00:13:49.995 --> 00:13:51.956
If not, my face
is going to be so-

308
00:13:51.956 --> 00:13:53.249
- Oh, don't say it.

309
00:13:53.249 --> 00:13:55.501
- If anyone's face
is red, it's mine.

310
00:13:55.501 --> 00:13:56.418
It burns.

311
00:13:56.418 --> 00:13:58.420
And it's like the sun.

312
00:13:58.420 --> 00:13:59.672
- Let's take our picture.

313
00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:06.762
(slow music begins)

314
00:14:08.973 --> 00:14:10.266
- How long is the timer?

315
00:14:10.266 --> 00:14:11.767
- About two seconds.

316
00:14:15.521 --> 00:14:16.814
(camera beeping)

317
00:14:16.814 --> 00:14:17.940
(camera shutters)

318
00:14:17.940 --> 00:14:19.149
Ow.

319
00:14:19.149 --> 00:14:20.150
- Try again.

320
00:14:23.779 --> 00:14:25.447
(camera beeping)

321
00:14:25.447 --> 00:14:26.448
(camera shutters)

322
00:14:26.448 --> 00:14:28.284
- Oh, nice picture of my butt.

323
00:14:33.038 --> 00:14:33.873
(camera beeping)

324
00:14:33.873 --> 00:14:35.165
(camera shutters)

325
00:14:35.165 --> 00:14:36.125
- I need ice.

326
00:14:36.125 --> 00:14:36.959
- Hold on, hun.

327
00:14:38.836 --> 00:14:41.630
(camera beeping)

328
00:14:47.845 --> 00:14:50.514
(camera whines)

329
00:14:52.349 --> 00:14:54.810
Oh, the camera died.

330
00:14:54.810 --> 00:14:55.644
- [Both] Aw.

331
00:14:55.644 --> 00:14:56.478
- I'm sorry.

332
00:14:57.897 --> 00:15:00.482
Now, Jess, you and Iman's
curse can part company.

333
00:15:00.482 --> 00:15:01.984
- Thank you.

334
00:15:01.984 --> 00:15:03.986
(sighs)

335
00:15:05.362 --> 00:15:07.990
- [Candy] Lynnie,
are you in therapy?

336
00:15:07.990 --> 00:15:09.325
- A therapist does
have to go through

337
00:15:09.325 --> 00:15:11.076
a certain amount of
therapy to get a degree,

338
00:15:11.076 --> 00:15:14.079
but I am resisting.

339
00:15:16.498 --> 00:15:18.417
- [Candy] So are you in therapy?

340
00:15:18.417 --> 00:15:21.337
- [Lynette] Yes, but
that's not helping.

341
00:15:21.337 --> 00:15:23.172
Are you in therapy?

342
00:15:23.172 --> 00:15:24.673
- I was, but she dropped me.

343
00:15:26.675 --> 00:15:29.428
- Candy had actually been in
therapy for about six months

344
00:15:29.428 --> 00:15:30.763
at that point.

345
00:15:30.763 --> 00:15:33.349
A string of disappointing
relationships

346
00:15:33.349 --> 00:15:34.558
had left her feeling

347
00:15:34.558 --> 00:15:36.518
like she was doing
something very wrong.

348
00:15:37.561 --> 00:15:38.395
But was she?

349
00:15:39.563 --> 00:15:42.107
- He hates that I make
more money than him.

350
00:15:42.107 --> 00:15:43.901
- Well, why shouldn't
you make more?

351
00:15:43.901 --> 00:15:45.861
You have a very demanding job:

352
00:15:45.861 --> 00:15:49.073
heavy trays,
rambunctious customers.

353
00:15:49.073 --> 00:15:51.200
- Also he doesn't
think I'm funny.

354
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:52.868
He thinks that I'm a loner,

355
00:15:52.868 --> 00:15:54.203
that my hobbies are weird.

356
00:15:54.203 --> 00:15:56.038
- Uh, which hobbies?

357
00:15:56.038 --> 00:15:57.539
- Well, my cat outreach,

358
00:15:57.539 --> 00:15:58.374
my knitting.

359
00:16:00.250 --> 00:16:01.126
- Well, alright.

360
00:16:02.711 --> 00:16:06.131
It sounds to me
like Larry is um-

361
00:16:06.131 --> 00:16:07.257
- Lowry.

362
00:16:07.257 --> 00:16:08.217
- Lowry?

363
00:16:08.217 --> 00:16:09.051
Really?

364
00:16:09.051 --> 00:16:10.552
Lowry?

365
00:16:10.552 --> 00:16:13.889
Well, it sounds to me like
Lowry cares about image.

366
00:16:13.889 --> 00:16:15.724
- Well, when we were
out to dinner last week,

367
00:16:15.724 --> 00:16:18.310
he seemed to be flirting
with other women constantly.

368
00:16:18.310 --> 00:16:19.561
- [Celeste] Mm.

369
00:16:19.561 --> 00:16:20.771
- He said he was
just being friendly.

370
00:16:20.771 --> 00:16:23.232
- Uhuh. Made you kinda
uncomfortable, right?

371
00:16:23.232 --> 00:16:24.566
- Yes.

372
00:16:24.566 --> 00:16:28.112
He said the time we
had sex was a mistake.

373
00:16:29.822 --> 00:16:31.740
- You had sex only once?

374
00:16:31.740 --> 00:16:32.992
Did you enjoy it?

375
00:16:32.992 --> 00:16:35.411
- I was glad he wanted
to have sex with me.

376
00:16:35.411 --> 00:16:40.416
- All those things that he
said about you are not true.

377
00:16:41.250 --> 00:16:42.418
Okay?

378
00:16:42.418 --> 00:16:43.919
You are funny.

379
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:45.754
And you're not a loner.

380
00:16:47.423 --> 00:16:49.091
- I once invited
Lowry to come with me

381
00:16:49.091 --> 00:16:49.967
to cat socialization.

382
00:16:49.967 --> 00:16:51.844
- Wait, wait, wait.

383
00:16:51.844 --> 00:16:52.803
Cat what?

384
00:16:52.803 --> 00:16:54.304
- A cat socialization.

385
00:16:54.304 --> 00:16:56.682
It's where I go to the shelter
to play with the feral kitty

386
00:16:56.682 --> 00:16:58.600
so they get used to humans.

387
00:16:58.600 --> 00:16:59.435
(chuckles)

388
00:16:59.435 --> 00:17:01.186
- Aren't you priceless?

389
00:17:01.186 --> 00:17:02.980
- And you know
what he said to me?

390
00:17:02.980 --> 00:17:04.273
He said, "What makes you think

391
00:17:04.273 --> 00:17:06.650
I would ever want to do that?"

392
00:17:06.650 --> 00:17:09.194
- Where does this
relationship stand now?

393
00:17:09.194 --> 00:17:12.114
- Well, last night I told him

394
00:17:12.114 --> 00:17:14.283
I don't think he's good for me.

395
00:17:14.283 --> 00:17:16.035
And then I took back
the wall tapestry

396
00:17:16.035 --> 00:17:19.204
that I knitted for
him. That mean?

397
00:17:19.204 --> 00:17:20.706
- No.

398
00:17:20.706 --> 00:17:22.791
- Imagine how a guy like
that might treat a child.

399
00:17:22.791 --> 00:17:25.127
- I shudder to think.

400
00:17:25.127 --> 00:17:26.962
- What do I do now?

401
00:17:26.962 --> 00:17:28.797
I need so much therapy.

402
00:17:28.797 --> 00:17:29.631
- Okay.

403
00:17:31.216 --> 00:17:36.221
Candy, you got yourself out of
a very unhealthy relationship

404
00:17:38.015 --> 00:17:39.683
all by yourself.

405
00:17:39.683 --> 00:17:40.642
My hats off.

406
00:17:42.144 --> 00:17:44.813
I don't think you have to
come back here anymore.

407
00:17:46.148 --> 00:17:46.982
Time's up.

408
00:17:51.028 --> 00:17:52.488
- When was this?

409
00:17:52.488 --> 00:17:54.698
- About six months ago.

410
00:17:54.698 --> 00:17:58.035
Ever since my dating
life has been nothing.

411
00:17:58.035 --> 00:17:59.161
- Nothing?

412
00:17:59.161 --> 00:18:01.205
Guys hit on you constantly.

413
00:18:01.205 --> 00:18:02.831
- No, we all get hit on.

414
00:18:02.831 --> 00:18:05.084
Guys just want to say they
went out with a Curvees girl.

415
00:18:05.084 --> 00:18:07.169
- Guys hit on girls that
they think are pretty.

416
00:18:07.169 --> 00:18:09.004
- For me it's just the uniform.

417
00:18:09.004 --> 00:18:10.839
It's just like when
I was a cheerleader.

418
00:18:10.839 --> 00:18:13.175
- Didn't you go to four
senior proms that year?

419
00:18:13.175 --> 00:18:15.344
- Yeah, because guys just
want to take a cheerleader

420
00:18:15.344 --> 00:18:16.553
to the prom.

421
00:18:16.553 --> 00:18:18.097
It's the uniform.

422
00:18:18.097 --> 00:18:21.517
- If you were ugly, why did
they make you a cheerleader?

423
00:18:21.517 --> 00:18:23.185
- My brother was on
the football team.

424
00:18:23.185 --> 00:18:24.520
- Oh, making you a cheerleader

425
00:18:24.520 --> 00:18:25.854
helped your brother
play football?

426
00:18:25.854 --> 00:18:28.899
- And my mom was vice
president of the PTA.

427
00:18:28.899 --> 00:18:30.526
Nothing to do with me.

428
00:18:30.526 --> 00:18:31.693
(calm music begins)

429
00:18:31.693 --> 00:18:33.195
- The stuff hurts.

430
00:18:33.195 --> 00:18:34.238
- What is it?

431
00:18:34.238 --> 00:18:36.031
- It's your skin goop.

432
00:18:36.031 --> 00:18:37.741
I found it under the sink.

433
00:18:37.741 --> 00:18:39.743
(sighs)

434
00:18:45.040 --> 00:18:47.042
(yelps)

435
00:18:49.545 --> 00:18:50.921
Dog shampoo?

436
00:18:50.921 --> 00:18:51.755
- Jess.

437
00:18:54.883 --> 00:18:55.717
Come here.

438
00:18:57.052 --> 00:18:59.096
(groans)

439
00:19:00.764 --> 00:19:02.558
- Does she need to
go to the hospital?

440
00:19:02.558 --> 00:19:03.392
- Yes!

441
00:19:03.392 --> 00:19:04.226
- No.

442
00:19:07.396 --> 00:19:08.730
- I better go soon.

443
00:19:08.730 --> 00:19:10.274
I have to get up tomorrow.

444
00:19:10.274 --> 00:19:11.817
- Early shift?

445
00:19:11.817 --> 00:19:15.237
- No, I have this
special class just.

446
00:19:17.072 --> 00:19:20.742
Jess, seriously, how did you
not know this was dog shampoo?

447
00:19:20.742 --> 00:19:22.411
- It smelled nice.

448
00:19:22.411 --> 00:19:26.165
- The words, dog shampoo
don't mean anything?

449
00:19:26.165 --> 00:19:28.000
- Or the picture of the dog?

450
00:19:29.459 --> 00:19:31.920
- Look, I just thought it was
a cheapie brand or something.

451
00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:33.797
And besides why do
you have dogs shampoo?

452
00:19:33.797 --> 00:19:34.798
You don't have a dog.

453
00:19:34.798 --> 00:19:36.300
- I sometimes dog-sit.

454
00:19:36.300 --> 00:19:39.428
- I can't remember
annoying details like that.

455
00:19:39.428 --> 00:19:43.348
- So I'm smart, I'm annoying,
I'm Miss Cheapie Brands?

456
00:19:43.348 --> 00:19:46.685
- Hey, you called
yourself the coupon queen.

457
00:19:46.685 --> 00:19:49.521
- At least I do my own shopping.

458
00:19:49.521 --> 00:19:51.440
You are always trying
to get some poor idiot

459
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:52.608
to buy you dinner.

460
00:19:52.608 --> 00:19:54.776
- Okay. Well, let's
call it a night.

461
00:19:54.776 --> 00:19:56.612
- Oh, but it was
just getting good.

462
00:19:56.612 --> 00:19:59.114
- No, it was just getting bad.

463
00:19:59.114 --> 00:20:00.782
I'll call you tomorrow, Lynnie.

464
00:20:00.782 --> 00:20:01.783
- Ow. Alright.

465
00:20:04.995 --> 00:20:06.538
Bye bye, Cheapie.

466
00:20:06.538 --> 00:20:07.456
- Bye, Jessica.

467
00:20:11.793 --> 00:20:15.547
- Sometimes you need therapy
to help sort things out.

468
00:20:15.547 --> 00:20:17.966
And sometimes you
just need a good chat

469
00:20:17.966 --> 00:20:19.468
with a ghost from the past.

470
00:20:20.510 --> 00:20:21.637
A cute ghost.

471
00:20:22.721 --> 00:20:25.390
(phone beeping)

472
00:20:30.687 --> 00:20:33.357
(phone dialing)

473
00:20:34.816 --> 00:20:36.235
- [Keith] Hello.

474
00:20:36.235 --> 00:20:37.653
- Keith.

475
00:20:37.653 --> 00:20:39.321
Hi. It's Lynette.

476
00:20:40.489 --> 00:20:42.366
A voice from the past.

477
00:20:42.366 --> 00:20:43.825
- [Keith] Wow. How are you?

478
00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:46.370
- I just started my doctorate.

479
00:20:46.370 --> 00:20:49.873
So I'm excited. But I'm a mess.

480
00:20:50.832 --> 00:20:52.000
- [Keith] That's great.

481
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:53.168
I'm so proud of you.

482
00:20:55.504 --> 00:20:56.672
- Bobby and I broke up.

483
00:20:57.756 --> 00:21:00.008
- [Keith] How long
were you two together?

484
00:21:00.008 --> 00:21:01.551
- Just over four years.

485
00:21:02.719 --> 00:21:03.679
- [Keith] That's
how long it's been

486
00:21:03.679 --> 00:21:04.596
since you and I saw each other?

487
00:21:04.596 --> 00:21:06.014
- Since you and I last talked.

488
00:21:07.933 --> 00:21:08.767
How's Stella?

489
00:21:08.767 --> 00:21:10.060
- [Keith] Ha, Darla.

490
00:21:11.186 --> 00:21:12.521
- How's Darla?

491
00:21:12.521 --> 00:21:14.064
- [Keith] Darla is now my wife.

492
00:21:15.274 --> 00:21:16.858
- Oh, she's so lucky.

493
00:21:16.858 --> 00:21:18.360
I'll let you get back to that.

494
00:21:18.360 --> 00:21:20.279
- [Keith] She's not here.

495
00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:22.281
- Yeah, but I'm sure your
wife wouldn't want you

496
00:21:22.281 --> 00:21:24.199
to be talking to an ex.

497
00:21:24.199 --> 00:21:25.742
- [Keith] I'm not up to no good.

498
00:21:25.742 --> 00:21:26.868
Uh, are you?

499
00:21:26.868 --> 00:21:28.287
- No.

500
00:21:28.287 --> 00:21:30.872
But you and I-

501
00:21:30.872 --> 00:21:32.874
- [Keith] Why did you
and Bobby break up?

502
00:21:34.710 --> 00:21:35.544
- He cheated.

503
00:21:36.712 --> 00:21:39.715
But I think he was
just sick of me.

504
00:21:39.715 --> 00:21:40.716
- [Keith] That's terrible.

505
00:21:40.716 --> 00:21:42.384
Either way that's terrible.

506
00:21:42.384 --> 00:21:44.219
I'm so sorry, Lynnie.

507
00:21:44.219 --> 00:21:46.930
- He said he just
couldn't talk to me

508
00:21:46.930 --> 00:21:48.598
and he was sick of trying.

509
00:21:51.310 --> 00:21:54.062
Am I really that
hard to talk to?

510
00:21:54.062 --> 00:21:55.981
- [Keith] You were
never hard to talk to.

511
00:21:59.901 --> 00:22:01.069
- Was I a good lover?

512
00:22:03.572 --> 00:22:07.576
I know I have no right to
ask a married man that but-

513
00:22:07.576 --> 00:22:08.577
- [Keith] Good lover?

514
00:22:10.120 --> 00:22:11.413
- Good kisser.

515
00:22:12.581 --> 00:22:14.124
Good at other stuff.

516
00:22:14.124 --> 00:22:15.083
- [Keith] Yes.

517
00:22:15.083 --> 00:22:16.918
Yes, absolutely.

518
00:22:16.918 --> 00:22:18.503
- Really?

519
00:22:18.503 --> 00:22:20.005
- [Keith] If you weren't

520
00:22:20.005 --> 00:22:22.799
then we wouldn't have been
together more than once.

521
00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:23.675
Don't you agree?

522
00:22:27.637 --> 00:22:28.972
- I guess I would give
you a second chance

523
00:22:28.972 --> 00:22:30.182
with that great smile.

524
00:22:33.435 --> 00:22:36.188
It's just, when
you get cheated on,

525
00:22:37.773 --> 00:22:39.649
you lose all your confidence.

526
00:22:39.649 --> 00:22:42.986
Just feel like you've
lost everything.

527
00:22:42.986 --> 00:22:46.156
- [Keith] You are a
great lover, Lynette.

528
00:22:47.115 --> 00:22:48.325
- Thank you.

529
00:22:48.325 --> 00:22:50.952
- [Keith] I mean,
yeah, I'm married, but-

530
00:22:50.952 --> 00:22:52.788
- No. Don't spoil it.

531
00:22:53.705 --> 00:22:55.123
- [Keith] Okay.

532
00:22:55.123 --> 00:22:57.501
You know, you and Darla
would adore each other.

533
00:22:59.294 --> 00:23:01.129
- That's nice to hear.

534
00:23:01.129 --> 00:23:02.714
- [Keith] Talk to
you later. Bye.

535
00:23:07.844 --> 00:23:10.305
- Jessica's obsession
with looking good

536
00:23:10.305 --> 00:23:13.016
worked in her most of the time.

537
00:23:13.016 --> 00:23:14.476
But a few years earlier,

538
00:23:14.476 --> 00:23:17.396
she applied for a job at a
company with a very silly name

539
00:23:17.396 --> 00:23:19.648
and she spent three
days picking out

540
00:23:19.648 --> 00:23:21.483
the perfect outfit
for the interview.

541
00:23:22.651 --> 00:23:24.152
Oops.

542
00:23:24.152 --> 00:23:27.322
(lively music begins)

543
00:23:29.491 --> 00:23:30.575
- [James] Right through
there. Take a seat.

544
00:23:30.575 --> 00:23:31.660
- Alright. Thank you.

545
00:23:33.995 --> 00:23:35.747
- Uh, my name is Bill Whitmore,

546
00:23:35.747 --> 00:23:37.332
and I'm here for the
interview, please.

547
00:23:37.332 --> 00:23:38.417
- [James] Sign in.

548
00:23:38.417 --> 00:23:39.668
- How long will it be?

549
00:23:39.668 --> 00:23:40.836
- Just go in way.

550
00:23:40.836 --> 00:23:42.337
Take a seat.
They'll call you in.

551
00:23:43.505 --> 00:23:44.339
- Thank you.

552
00:23:46.925 --> 00:23:49.344
(jazz music continues)

553
00:23:49.344 --> 00:23:50.679
- How can I help you?

554
00:23:50.679 --> 00:23:52.180
- Hi, my name is
Jessica Marshall.

555
00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:53.515
I'm here for the interview.

556
00:23:53.515 --> 00:23:54.516
- Sign in please.

557
00:23:59.521 --> 00:24:00.856
You're next.

558
00:24:00.856 --> 00:24:04.276
(lively music continues)

559
00:24:08.029 --> 00:24:10.073
(knocks)

560
00:24:12.534 --> 00:24:13.702
- Thank you, James.

561
00:24:15.537 --> 00:24:17.539
It's a pleasure, Miss Marshall.

562
00:24:17.539 --> 00:24:22.544
- Hello. Um, am I waiting
here for Mr. Reynolds.

563
00:24:23.253 --> 00:24:24.588
- I'm Taylor Reynold.

564
00:24:24.588 --> 00:24:25.422
- Oh.

565
00:24:25.422 --> 00:24:26.548
- Is that a problem?

566
00:24:26.548 --> 00:24:27.924
- No, of course not.

567
00:24:27.924 --> 00:24:30.594
- It looks like you
dressed for a man.

568
00:24:30.594 --> 00:24:31.553
(sighs)

569
00:24:31.553 --> 00:24:32.554
- Um. I-

570
00:24:32.554 --> 00:24:33.889
- You look really good.

571
00:24:35.223 --> 00:24:36.475
- Thank you.

572
00:24:36.475 --> 00:24:38.477
- Do you like working
for men more than women?

573
00:24:38.477 --> 00:24:40.395
- Oh, I like working
more than not working.

574
00:24:40.395 --> 00:24:42.564
- Your cover letter was honest.

575
00:24:42.564 --> 00:24:43.732
That's why I brought you in it.

576
00:24:43.732 --> 00:24:45.734
It certainly wasn't your resume.

577
00:24:46.902 --> 00:24:48.153
- Oh, I see.

578
00:24:49.237 --> 00:24:50.572
I'll show myself out.

579
00:24:50.572 --> 00:24:51.490
- No sit.

580
00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:52.782
You're still in the running.

581
00:24:54.576 --> 00:24:55.911
Do you have siblings?

582
00:24:56.786 --> 00:24:59.080
- Yes. One sister.

583
00:24:59.080 --> 00:25:00.415
Her name is Carolyn.

584
00:25:00.415 --> 00:25:04.294
She's a dancer, singer,
actress, choreographer.

585
00:25:05.587 --> 00:25:06.922
I guess I don't have
to do those, huh?

586
00:25:06.922 --> 00:25:08.924
- Do these things interest you?

587
00:25:08.924 --> 00:25:10.091
- I used to dance.

588
00:25:11.259 --> 00:25:13.762
I fell off the stage
during The Nutcracker.

589
00:25:13.762 --> 00:25:15.805
- Your sister doesn't
fall off stages?

590
00:25:15.805 --> 00:25:17.265
- God no!

591
00:25:17.265 --> 00:25:21.436
She's beautiful and
graceful and funny, smart.

592
00:25:23.438 --> 00:25:26.107
- Can you look this
good every day?

593
00:25:26.107 --> 00:25:27.442
- Of course.

594
00:25:27.442 --> 00:25:30.195
- Can you be cordial
to people you dislike?

595
00:25:30.195 --> 00:25:32.280
- Oh gosh. I've been doing
that since I was like eleven.

596
00:25:32.280 --> 00:25:36.826
- Are you planning to get
married or have a baby soon?

597
00:25:36.826 --> 00:25:37.661
- Ew.

598
00:25:39.037 --> 00:25:40.705
- Are you looking to
rise up through the ranks

599
00:25:40.705 --> 00:25:43.458
or would you be happy
staying in the same position?

600
00:25:43.458 --> 00:25:44.543
- Would I get paid the same?

601
00:25:44.543 --> 00:25:45.961
- Your salary would accrue.

602
00:25:47.295 --> 00:25:48.296
It would get bigger.

603
00:25:49.464 --> 00:25:51.800
- Oh, well then
that would be fine.

604
00:25:51.800 --> 00:25:53.134
- Where's your sister now?

605
00:25:53.134 --> 00:25:55.136
- Oh she lives in New
York with her family.

606
00:25:56.888 --> 00:26:00.350
Is it bad that I don't care
about rising through the ranks?

607
00:26:00.350 --> 00:26:02.811
- The receptionist is
the most important person

608
00:26:02.811 --> 00:26:04.020
at this company.

609
00:26:04.020 --> 00:26:05.814
- I have a really
great phone voice.

610
00:26:05.814 --> 00:26:07.816
- He or she is the first person

611
00:26:07.816 --> 00:26:09.651
our clients come
in contact with.

612
00:26:09.651 --> 00:26:10.652
- I can dress down.

613
00:26:10.652 --> 00:26:13.196
- No, your look is perfect.

614
00:26:16.491 --> 00:26:17.909
Congratulations.

615
00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:19.995
- Really?

616
00:26:21.663 --> 00:26:23.665
Wow. Women never give me jobs.

617
00:26:27.335 --> 00:26:30.422
- Have you had some
wonderful news to share

618
00:26:30.422 --> 00:26:33.842
but one of your pals
ruined your moment?

619
00:26:36.386 --> 00:26:38.346
- [Candy] Hey you
guys, try this quiz.

620
00:26:38.346 --> 00:26:40.348
- [Lynette] It looks
like Femme magazine.

621
00:26:40.348 --> 00:26:42.017
- What's wrong with Femme mag?

622
00:26:42.017 --> 00:26:43.935
- It's devoted to urging women

623
00:26:43.935 --> 00:26:48.523
to make the most of their
assets while there's still time.

624
00:26:48.523 --> 00:26:50.734
Nothing lobotomy wouldn't fix.

625
00:26:54.029 --> 00:26:55.864
You try everything
to make him stay

626
00:26:55.864 --> 00:26:57.907
yet still his eyes wander.

627
00:26:57.907 --> 00:27:01.036
Take this simple quiz to find
out what you're doing wrong.

628
00:27:01.036 --> 00:27:03.913
Because he's obviously
doing nothing wrong.

629
00:27:03.913 --> 00:27:06.541
- I don't think
Femme is that bad.

630
00:27:06.541 --> 00:27:08.918
They have really
great dieting tips.

631
00:27:09.794 --> 00:27:11.880
So what's the first question?

632
00:27:11.880 --> 00:27:15.216
- Your man says he prefers
women with larger breasts.

633
00:27:15.216 --> 00:27:16.801
- Oh, oh.

634
00:27:16.801 --> 00:27:21.056
- Do you, A, remind him
of his own shortcomings?

635
00:27:21.056 --> 00:27:23.224
- B, assume he's not interested.

636
00:27:23.224 --> 00:27:24.392
- That's not a choice.

637
00:27:24.392 --> 00:27:25.894
- B, have the operation.

638
00:27:25.894 --> 00:27:27.729
Or C, switch his glasses

639
00:27:27.729 --> 00:27:30.398
for ones that make things
appear larger than they are.

640
00:27:30.398 --> 00:27:31.733
- What operation?

641
00:27:31.733 --> 00:27:33.109
- Give me.

642
00:27:33.109 --> 00:27:35.070
I can't tell if you're
making this stuff up or not.

643
00:27:36.571 --> 00:27:38.907
Your man complains that
you're the wrong sex.

644
00:27:38.907 --> 00:27:40.825
Do you, A, get him into therapy

645
00:27:40.825 --> 00:27:43.244
to cure his homosexuality?

646
00:27:43.244 --> 00:27:45.664
B, get therapy yourself?

647
00:27:45.664 --> 00:27:48.833
Or, C, have the operation?

648
00:27:48.833 --> 00:27:50.293
- A breast enlargement?

649
00:27:50.293 --> 00:27:52.420
But that would make you
even more the wrong sex.

650
00:27:52.420 --> 00:27:54.923
- Maybe sex is just wrong.

651
00:27:54.923 --> 00:27:56.966
- I dated a gay man
for seven months.

652
00:27:56.966 --> 00:27:58.134
(gasps)

653
00:27:58.134 --> 00:28:00.095
- My God, you didn't
figure it out?

654
00:28:00.095 --> 00:28:01.346
- There were signs.

655
00:28:01.346 --> 00:28:03.598
But he knew all these
cute little restaurants.

656
00:28:03.598 --> 00:28:04.933
- So what happened?

657
00:28:04.933 --> 00:28:06.267
- I gained 10 pounds.

658
00:28:06.267 --> 00:28:08.103
- Did the cute
restaurants give it away?

659
00:28:08.103 --> 00:28:09.771
- It was the fact that
I gained 10 pounds

660
00:28:09.771 --> 00:28:11.940
and he didn't really mind.

661
00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:14.943
- Your man complains that
you're not smart enough.

662
00:28:14.943 --> 00:28:16.820
Do you, A, eat fish,

663
00:28:16.820 --> 00:28:19.447
take night classes and
stand on your head?

664
00:28:19.447 --> 00:28:21.658
B, hire a tutor?

665
00:28:21.658 --> 00:28:24.202
Or, C, secretly
give him a lobotomy?

666
00:28:25.620 --> 00:28:27.497
- How is standing on your
head gonna make you smarter?

667
00:28:27.497 --> 00:28:29.290
- Does it really say
the lobotomy thing?

668
00:28:29.290 --> 00:28:30.959
- I kid you not.

669
00:28:30.959 --> 00:28:33.461
- You talk about
lobotomies a lot.

670
00:28:33.461 --> 00:28:35.296
Did you have one?

671
00:28:35.296 --> 00:28:38.383
- I tried, but they
only got my tonsils.

672
00:28:38.383 --> 00:28:40.135
- Are the tonsils
near the lobotom?

673
00:28:42.387 --> 00:28:43.805
Kidding, sweetie.

674
00:28:44.723 --> 00:28:46.307
(sighs)

675
00:28:46.307 --> 00:28:49.060
- Well, I for one have
to applaud dear Jesse

676
00:28:49.060 --> 00:28:50.979
for such a fabulouso dinner.

677
00:28:50.979 --> 00:28:52.147
- Hear hear.

678
00:28:52.147 --> 00:28:53.314
- Thank you.

679
00:28:53.314 --> 00:28:54.566
Thank you.

680
00:28:54.566 --> 00:28:56.151
- Did you really whip
all this up by herself?

681
00:28:56.151 --> 00:28:58.153
- Me and Marsha Stewart.

682
00:28:58.153 --> 00:29:00.321
- Martha Stewart.
Isn't she great?

683
00:29:00.321 --> 00:29:02.157
- Oh, you used a cookbook?

684
00:29:02.157 --> 00:29:04.659
- No, there's this tape
where she cooks stuff.

685
00:29:04.659 --> 00:29:06.327
- These chicken
wings were to die.

686
00:29:06.327 --> 00:29:08.496
What kind were they?

687
00:29:08.496 --> 00:29:09.998
- Uh.

688
00:29:09.998 --> 00:29:11.750
Muhkayzian Style.

689
00:29:11.750 --> 00:29:13.168
- Curvees is supposed
to have a great wings

690
00:29:13.168 --> 00:29:15.170
but they can't hold
a candle to yours.

691
00:29:16.171 --> 00:29:18.173
- Muhkayzhian style?

692
00:29:18.173 --> 00:29:21.551
- Yeah. It's some
country somewhere.

693
00:29:21.551 --> 00:29:23.845
- Kind of like Malaysia?

694
00:29:23.845 --> 00:29:24.721
- Yes.

695
00:29:24.721 --> 00:29:26.514
Malaysia. They love chicken.

696
00:29:26.514 --> 00:29:28.600
- And what was that
green leafy stuff?

697
00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:29.768
- Uh.

698
00:29:30.602 --> 00:29:31.895
Mold.

699
00:29:31.895 --> 00:29:32.937
- Mold?

700
00:29:32.937 --> 00:29:33.855
Really?

701
00:29:33.855 --> 00:29:35.023
- Kind of tasted like basil.

702
00:29:36.691 --> 00:29:40.695
- You know, Spago uses basil
in their Malaysian wings too.

703
00:29:40.695 --> 00:29:42.363
- Hm.

704
00:29:42.363 --> 00:29:44.032
- Is Spago a
Malaysian restaurant?

705
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:47.744
- You know exactly
what Spago is.

706
00:29:47.744 --> 00:29:49.454
You didn't cook
all this, did you?

707
00:29:50.371 --> 00:29:51.456
- I wanted to.

708
00:29:52.373 --> 00:29:54.250
- That's something.

709
00:29:54.250 --> 00:29:55.543
- What about dessert?

710
00:29:55.543 --> 00:29:56.878
- Oh, dessert might happen.

711
00:29:56.878 --> 00:29:58.129
We'll see.

712
00:29:58.129 --> 00:30:00.215
- Okay. Well I brought
some Devil's Food cake.

713
00:30:00.215 --> 00:30:02.550
You know, just in case.

714
00:30:02.550 --> 00:30:03.551
- Just in case what?

715
00:30:03.551 --> 00:30:05.386
- In case Jess forgot.

716
00:30:05.386 --> 00:30:07.806
- But Devil's Food is
the most important part.

717
00:30:07.806 --> 00:30:08.723
- Can we get back to the quiz?

718
00:30:08.723 --> 00:30:09.599
I think I'm winning.

719
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:10.600
- We're not keeping score.

720
00:30:10.600 --> 00:30:11.893
How could you be winning?

721
00:30:11.893 --> 00:30:13.895
- The stuff you guys are saying.

722
00:30:13.895 --> 00:30:16.064
- Your man wonders how
you look as a blonde.

723
00:30:16.064 --> 00:30:18.900
Do you, A, wonder how
he'd look as a pot roast?

724
00:30:18.900 --> 00:30:20.235
B, dye hair blonde?

725
00:30:20.235 --> 00:30:22.737
C, dye all your hair blonde?

726
00:30:22.737 --> 00:30:24.823
- Oh no, no burns.

727
00:30:24.823 --> 00:30:26.241
- Pot roast takes too long.

728
00:30:26.241 --> 00:30:27.617
Just shoot him.

729
00:30:27.617 --> 00:30:29.744
- See, this is why I'm winning.

730
00:30:29.744 --> 00:30:31.120
- You're not winning.

731
00:30:31.120 --> 00:30:32.163
- You guys aren't even trying.

732
00:30:32.163 --> 00:30:33.790
I always pick the best answers.

733
00:30:33.790 --> 00:30:36.584
- I'm already a blonde
and it's not helping.

734
00:30:36.584 --> 00:30:38.419
- You need a blonde
attitude, honey.

735
00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:40.588
- I don't even know what that is

736
00:30:40.588 --> 00:30:42.674
and already hate it.

737
00:30:42.674 --> 00:30:46.010
- A blonde attitude is when
you don't care as much.

738
00:30:46.010 --> 00:30:48.513
Like, what would you do

739
00:30:48.513 --> 00:30:50.807
if somebody called
you by the wrong name?

740
00:30:50.807 --> 00:30:52.100
- During sex?

741
00:30:52.100 --> 00:30:53.268
- Well, duh.

742
00:30:53.268 --> 00:30:54.811
When else would you
bother with names?

743
00:30:54.811 --> 00:30:56.437
This one time, this clown
completely forgot my name.

744
00:30:56.437 --> 00:30:57.522
And I just laughed at him.

745
00:30:57.522 --> 00:30:58.815
- Do you remember his name?

746
00:30:58.815 --> 00:30:59.649
- Of course not.

747
00:30:59.649 --> 00:31:00.817
That's the point.

748
00:31:00.817 --> 00:31:02.026
- You may not care about names,

749
00:31:02.026 --> 00:31:04.529
but you do care about
men an awful lot.

750
00:31:04.529 --> 00:31:05.989
- And so do you.

751
00:31:05.989 --> 00:31:08.116
- I'm trying to get
my life started.

752
00:31:08.116 --> 00:31:10.618
- Yeah. So some handsome
prince will come sweep you

753
00:31:10.618 --> 00:31:13.121
off your feet and say, "How
bad are you, brainy wench?

754
00:31:13.121 --> 00:31:15.123
You want to come and
help me rule my kingdom?"

755
00:31:15.123 --> 00:31:16.374
- Guys, it doesn't matter

756
00:31:16.374 --> 00:31:18.543
which one of you gets
hit on more or whatever.

757
00:31:18.543 --> 00:31:20.628
You're both beautiful.

758
00:31:20.628 --> 00:31:22.630
- Hang on, Candy.

759
00:31:22.630 --> 00:31:24.883
You're the prettiest of all.

760
00:31:24.883 --> 00:31:26.134
- No, I'm not.

761
00:31:26.134 --> 00:31:27.302
- No, she's not.

762
00:31:28.678 --> 00:31:31.806
- I mean, no thank you. I'm not.

763
00:31:31.806 --> 00:31:33.224
Ow.

764
00:31:33.224 --> 00:31:34.809
- No, I'm not...

765
00:31:34.809 --> 00:31:37.145
I didn't mean that
you're not pretty.

766
00:31:37.145 --> 00:31:39.188
- Then what did you mean?

767
00:31:39.188 --> 00:31:42.066
- I just mean she's
not the prettiest.

768
00:31:42.066 --> 00:31:43.651
- And you are?

769
00:31:43.651 --> 00:31:45.653
- I go out way
more than you two.

770
00:31:45.653 --> 00:31:47.488
- Ever work at Curvees.

771
00:31:47.488 --> 00:31:49.240
- Is that an accomplishment?

772
00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:50.658
- It kind of was for me.

773
00:31:50.658 --> 00:31:53.411
- Jess, how good do
you look in tiny shorts

774
00:31:53.411 --> 00:31:54.829
and clingy T-shirts?

775
00:31:54.829 --> 00:31:56.331
- Pretty damn good.

776
00:31:56.331 --> 00:31:57.665
It's just not my style.

777
00:31:59.000 --> 00:32:00.585
- You guys, we're arguing about
which one of us is prettier.

778
00:32:00.585 --> 00:32:02.003
How silly is that?

779
00:32:02.003 --> 00:32:03.421
- Well, beauty is important.

780
00:32:03.421 --> 00:32:04.881
Pretty people make more money.

781
00:32:04.881 --> 00:32:07.425
And my salary
continues to accrue.

782
00:32:07.425 --> 00:32:08.760
- Where do you work?

783
00:32:08.760 --> 00:32:09.886
Grouchy Bird?

784
00:32:09.886 --> 00:32:11.387
- Barking Parrot.

785
00:32:11.387 --> 00:32:13.348
- And what does
Barking Parrot do?

786
00:32:14.682 --> 00:32:15.892
- Development.

787
00:32:15.892 --> 00:32:17.518
- Of what?

788
00:32:17.518 --> 00:32:19.228
- Properties.

789
00:32:19.228 --> 00:32:20.688
- Real estate?

790
00:32:20.688 --> 00:32:22.690
- Some. I think.

791
00:32:22.690 --> 00:32:23.900
- Real estate?

792
00:32:23.900 --> 00:32:25.526
You never mentioned that before.

793
00:32:25.526 --> 00:32:28.279
- I thought your company
did stuff for the movies.

794
00:32:28.279 --> 00:32:29.530
- I know.

795
00:32:29.530 --> 00:32:33.034
We develop literary
properties. I think.

796
00:32:33.034 --> 00:32:35.370
- You write TV shows and stuff?

797
00:32:35.370 --> 00:32:37.205
- No. No we don't write them.

798
00:32:37.205 --> 00:32:39.540
We develop them. I think.

799
00:32:39.540 --> 00:32:42.043
- What exactly do you do?

800
00:32:42.043 --> 00:32:43.628
- Oh, I'm the receptionist.

801
00:32:43.628 --> 00:32:44.879
I send emails.

802
00:32:44.879 --> 00:32:45.880
I make phone calls.

803
00:32:45.880 --> 00:32:46.714
I print stuff.

804
00:32:46.714 --> 00:32:47.715
I'm very busy.

805
00:32:47.715 --> 00:32:49.217
- And what do the emails say?

806
00:32:49.217 --> 00:32:50.718
And the phone calls?

807
00:32:50.718 --> 00:32:51.552
- Development.

808
00:32:53.638 --> 00:32:55.056
Oh no. I know.

809
00:32:55.056 --> 00:32:57.392
I know. We develop film.

810
00:32:57.392 --> 00:32:58.226
- Right.

811
00:32:58.226 --> 00:32:59.143
Movies.

812
00:32:59.143 --> 00:33:00.645
- No, no, no, no.

813
00:33:00.645 --> 00:33:02.939
We actually develop actual
film for the actual movies.

814
00:33:02.939 --> 00:33:05.400
Like, like with
chemicals and stuff.

815
00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:07.276
Oh this is going to help
me do my job better.

816
00:33:07.276 --> 00:33:08.111
- Oh no.

817
00:33:15.660 --> 00:33:17.745
(coughs)

818
00:33:19.747 --> 00:33:22.083
(coughing)

819
00:33:25.253 --> 00:33:26.087
All better.

820
00:33:29.674 --> 00:33:30.591
(vomiting)

821
00:33:30.591 --> 00:33:31.843
- Was it something you ate?

822
00:33:31.843 --> 00:33:32.677
- Ew.

823
00:33:43.604 --> 00:33:45.356
- I'll be fine in a second.

824
00:33:47.608 --> 00:33:50.945
- Okay. Now back to me. I'm
a really good receptionist.

825
00:33:50.945 --> 00:33:52.613
I'm, I'm really good at my job.

826
00:33:52.613 --> 00:33:54.115
I make a lot of money.

827
00:33:54.115 --> 00:33:56.367
And I'm so sick and tired
of people telling me

828
00:33:56.367 --> 00:33:58.536
that I'm too stupid to
move up in the company.

829
00:33:58.536 --> 00:34:00.872
I just don't want to move up.

830
00:34:00.872 --> 00:34:03.291
- Can we focus on
Candy for a bit?

831
00:34:03.291 --> 00:34:04.792
- Oh, yeah.

832
00:34:04.792 --> 00:34:05.626
I can do that.

833
00:34:06.627 --> 00:34:09.130
So, Candy,

834
00:34:11.507 --> 00:34:12.300
your weight-

835
00:34:12.300 --> 00:34:13.301
- Jessica!

836
00:34:13.301 --> 00:34:15.136
- What? It's not about me.

837
00:34:15.136 --> 00:34:16.804
I know this really great diet.

838
00:34:16.804 --> 00:34:18.848
- There is nothing
wrong with her weight.

839
00:34:19.807 --> 00:34:20.975
- There will be.

840
00:34:23.311 --> 00:34:24.645
- Oh my God.

841
00:34:24.645 --> 00:34:25.563
You're pregnant?

842
00:34:26.647 --> 00:34:28.316
- She's not pregnant, silly.

843
00:34:28.316 --> 00:34:30.026
She just has an eating disorder.

844
00:34:30.026 --> 00:34:31.486
I know this really
great therapist.

845
00:34:31.486 --> 00:34:32.987
- No, you guys.

846
00:34:32.987 --> 00:34:34.322
I am pregnant.

847
00:34:36.491 --> 00:34:38.242
- Who's the father?

848
00:34:38.242 --> 00:34:39.160
- The father?

849
00:34:39.160 --> 00:34:41.037
- I mean, usually there is one.

850
00:34:41.037 --> 00:34:41.829
- Give her a break.

851
00:34:41.829 --> 00:34:43.331
She obviously forgot.

852
00:34:43.331 --> 00:34:44.665
- I didn't forget.

853
00:34:44.665 --> 00:34:46.417
- Well have you at
least narrowed it down?

854
00:34:46.417 --> 00:34:47.668
- Ew.

855
00:34:47.668 --> 00:34:49.045
- Is it someone we
know? Is he cute?

856
00:34:49.045 --> 00:34:50.421
- No, you guys.

857
00:34:50.421 --> 00:34:51.339
(gasps)

858
00:34:51.339 --> 00:34:52.381
- Oh my God. He's married.

859
00:34:52.381 --> 00:34:53.216
- No.

860
00:34:54.050 --> 00:34:55.009
- Oh.

861
00:34:55.009 --> 00:34:58.179
Was it R-A-P-E?

862
00:34:58.179 --> 00:34:59.680
- No, I wasn't raped.

863
00:34:59.680 --> 00:35:01.682
You guys, I'm just pregnant.

864
00:35:01.682 --> 00:35:03.017
- Honey, I'm so sorry.

865
00:35:03.017 --> 00:35:04.102
- Sorry?

866
00:35:04.102 --> 00:35:05.686
This cost me a bunch of money.

867
00:35:05.686 --> 00:35:07.438
- And you're still pregnant?

868
00:35:09.190 --> 00:35:10.858
I know this really
great abortionist.

869
00:35:10.858 --> 00:35:12.860
- It's a test tube baby.

870
00:35:12.860 --> 00:35:15.363
- Wait, you got insinuated?

871
00:35:15.363 --> 00:35:16.864
- Inseminated.

872
00:35:16.864 --> 00:35:18.199
- You went to one of
those sperm banks?

873
00:35:18.199 --> 00:35:20.576
Do you know what kind
of perverts go to those?

874
00:35:20.576 --> 00:35:23.538
- Healthy, educated perverts.

875
00:35:23.538 --> 00:35:25.748
I hear some are homo sapiens

876
00:35:25.748 --> 00:35:28.918
and a few practicing
heterosexuals.

877
00:35:28.918 --> 00:35:30.211
- Yuck.

878
00:35:30.211 --> 00:35:32.380
You let one of those
father your baby?

879
00:35:34.924 --> 00:35:36.884
- Picking out the
father of your child

880
00:35:36.884 --> 00:35:39.720
from just a photo
probably sounds crazy.

881
00:35:39.720 --> 00:35:43.307
But nowadays women use phone
apps to find a boyfriend.

882
00:35:43.307 --> 00:35:45.434
Have things really
changed that much?

883
00:35:48.604 --> 00:35:52.400
- Ah yup. Yup. 1000 on
Jim Dandy and the fifth.

884
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:53.943
Thanks, Tony.

885
00:35:53.943 --> 00:35:56.070
Hi. Welcome, Candy.

886
00:35:56.070 --> 00:35:57.572
- Hi.

887
00:35:57.572 --> 00:35:58.447
- Please sit.

888
00:35:58.447 --> 00:36:02.076
So here is the catalog.

889
00:36:02.076 --> 00:36:03.661
- [Candy] Oh, okay.

890
00:36:03.661 --> 00:36:05.121
- Take a look.

891
00:36:05.121 --> 00:36:06.455
See anything you like?

892
00:36:06.455 --> 00:36:08.166
- It's kind of overwhelming.

893
00:36:08.166 --> 00:36:09.500
- Ooh.

894
00:36:09.500 --> 00:36:10.835
Have fun with it.

895
00:36:10.835 --> 00:36:12.253
Like it's Christmas morning.

896
00:36:13.421 --> 00:36:15.423
- Are any of these
guys serial killers?

897
00:36:15.423 --> 00:36:16.674
- No.

898
00:36:16.674 --> 00:36:17.758
No. We keep those
in another binder.

899
00:36:18.759 --> 00:36:20.136
No I'm kidding.

900
00:36:21.512 --> 00:36:24.807
We screen all our clients,
most of our clients.

901
00:36:24.807 --> 00:36:26.350
But you got that in
the, in the pamphlet

902
00:36:26.350 --> 00:36:28.019
that came in the mail.

903
00:36:28.019 --> 00:36:28.936
- I'm just-

904
00:36:29.937 --> 00:36:31.689
- A little nervous?

905
00:36:31.689 --> 00:36:32.523
I understand.

906
00:36:33.774 --> 00:36:35.443
Tell you what? Try this.

907
00:36:35.443 --> 00:36:37.278
I want you to close your eyes.

908
00:36:37.278 --> 00:36:42.283
Okay. Now you're you're in a
dark room and you hear a voice.

909
00:36:44.452 --> 00:36:46.037
- Sweetheart, can we
get another pitcher

910
00:36:46.037 --> 00:36:47.788
and an order of wings.

911
00:36:47.788 --> 00:36:50.666
- No, not a, not a work voice.

912
00:36:50.666 --> 00:36:52.710
This is the voice of your child.

913
00:36:52.710 --> 00:36:54.962
Okay? Try to hear that voice.

914
00:36:55.796 --> 00:36:57.882
Now. Try to see your child.

915
00:36:59.300 --> 00:37:00.468
Can you see your child?

916
00:37:01.844 --> 00:37:02.678
- Mm-hm.

917
00:37:02.678 --> 00:37:03.512
- Okay.

918
00:37:03.512 --> 00:37:04.972
Boy or girl?

919
00:37:04.972 --> 00:37:05.848
- A little girl.

920
00:37:05.848 --> 00:37:07.058
Hi, Beanie.

921
00:37:07.058 --> 00:37:08.851
God, she's beautiful.

922
00:37:08.851 --> 00:37:10.186
- Um, Beanie?

923
00:37:10.186 --> 00:37:12.146
- Oh, that's what I'm
calling her right now.

924
00:37:12.146 --> 00:37:13.397
Beanie Baby.

925
00:37:13.397 --> 00:37:14.482
- Okay.

926
00:37:14.482 --> 00:37:16.192
Well, now open your eyes.

927
00:37:18.361 --> 00:37:19.820
Take a look at the
men in that book

928
00:37:19.820 --> 00:37:22.490
and just choose the one
that reminds you of Beanie.

929
00:37:25.493 --> 00:37:28.329
- Uh. Imagine picking a life
partner out of a catalog.

930
00:37:28.329 --> 00:37:29.830
(laughs)

931
00:37:29.830 --> 00:37:32.166
- Well, that's the good
thing about this process.

932
00:37:32.166 --> 00:37:33.584
You don't have a life partner.

933
00:37:33.584 --> 00:37:35.169
Just their sperm.

934
00:37:35.169 --> 00:37:36.754
They won't break a date

935
00:37:36.754 --> 00:37:39.507
or break your heart or
spend all your money.

936
00:37:39.507 --> 00:37:41.008
(laughs)

937
00:37:41.008 --> 00:37:43.844
It's just going to be you, and
their sperm, and Beanie Bag.

938
00:37:43.844 --> 00:37:45.179
Erm, Beanie.

939
00:37:46.514 --> 00:37:49.850
- Hey, can I get two donors
and mix them up in a test tube?

940
00:37:49.850 --> 00:37:52.603
Kind of like a little sperm
competition for my eggs.

941
00:37:54.021 --> 00:37:55.022
- Erm, why would
you want to do that?

942
00:37:55.022 --> 00:37:57.108
- Hmm, they're just all so cute.

943
00:37:57.108 --> 00:37:58.734
I can't pick.

944
00:37:58.734 --> 00:38:00.236
- Hey.

945
00:38:00.236 --> 00:38:01.070
Sure.

946
00:38:01.070 --> 00:38:02.196
Why not?

947
00:38:02.196 --> 00:38:03.030
I'll tell you what.

948
00:38:03.030 --> 00:38:04.865
This week, for you,

949
00:38:04.865 --> 00:38:07.535
all specimens are
Buy-One-Get-One-Half-Off.

950
00:38:07.535 --> 00:38:10.538
Even throw you a little test
tube baby party if you want.

951
00:38:10.538 --> 00:38:12.540
- Is your work guaranteed?

952
00:38:12.540 --> 00:38:14.041
- If the process doesn't
work the first time,

953
00:38:14.041 --> 00:38:15.710
we just keep trying.

954
00:38:15.710 --> 00:38:17.878
In fact, we can try it today.

955
00:38:18.713 --> 00:38:19.922
- Get pregnant today?

956
00:38:22.717 --> 00:38:24.051
But I'm not dressed for it.

957
00:38:25.553 --> 00:38:26.554
(lively music begins)

958
00:38:26.554 --> 00:38:27.388
(phone rings)

959
00:38:27.388 --> 00:38:28.597
- Uh, excuse me.

960
00:38:29.890 --> 00:38:31.559
Hello? Bundles of Joy Labs.

961
00:38:31.559 --> 00:38:33.811
We deliver so you can too.

962
00:38:33.811 --> 00:38:34.812
Oh, Margaret.

963
00:38:34.812 --> 00:38:35.646
How are you?

964
00:38:35.646 --> 00:38:37.481
How are the twins?

965
00:38:37.481 --> 00:38:38.316
Really?

966
00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:40.234
Barking?

967
00:38:41.569 --> 00:38:43.237
Hold on one second.

968
00:38:43.237 --> 00:38:45.740
Just let me know when you
want to make your baby.

969
00:38:47.074 --> 00:38:48.326
Both of them are barking?

970
00:38:51.746 --> 00:38:55.082
- Okay. Just promise
me one thing.

971
00:38:55.082 --> 00:38:56.584
If you ever find yourself

972
00:38:56.584 --> 00:38:59.086
in a conversation like the
one you're about to hear,

973
00:38:59.086 --> 00:39:00.254
shut it down,

974
00:39:00.254 --> 00:39:03.007
call the police, order a pizza,

975
00:39:03.007 --> 00:39:04.759
or just get the
hell out of there.

976
00:39:07.261 --> 00:39:09.930
- I think having a child
on your own is wonderful.

977
00:39:09.930 --> 00:39:10.806
- You do.

978
00:39:10.806 --> 00:39:11.640
- You do?

979
00:39:11.640 --> 00:39:12.850
- Don't you?

980
00:39:12.850 --> 00:39:15.102
- Just buy a dog.

981
00:39:15.102 --> 00:39:16.354
- When are you due?

982
00:39:16.354 --> 00:39:17.605
- Six months.

983
00:39:17.605 --> 00:39:19.482
- Okay. Well, we;ll have
to throw you a shower.

984
00:39:19.482 --> 00:39:20.775
- No.

985
00:39:20.775 --> 00:39:22.026
No, people will think
I've been abandoned

986
00:39:22.026 --> 00:39:23.319
and feel sorry for me.

987
00:39:23.319 --> 00:39:24.695
- I feel sorry for.

988
00:39:24.695 --> 00:39:26.697
- No, we can put
on the invitation,

989
00:39:26.697 --> 00:39:29.700
"This baby is actually wanted."

990
00:39:29.700 --> 00:39:32.119
- You know, you deserve a party.

991
00:39:32.119 --> 00:39:33.621
- Thank you, Jess.

992
00:39:33.621 --> 00:39:34.955
- I mean your life
is about to be over.

993
00:39:34.955 --> 00:39:36.999
So might as well laugh
it up while you can.

994
00:39:36.999 --> 00:39:39.627
Forget about having a
penny to spend on yourself.

995
00:39:39.627 --> 00:39:41.128
No free time.

996
00:39:41.128 --> 00:39:42.671
And the only kind of guys
that are going to be into you

997
00:39:42.671 --> 00:39:44.465
are the creepo fetish types.

998
00:39:44.465 --> 00:39:46.509
- You think I haven't
thought of all that stuff?

999
00:39:46.509 --> 00:39:48.552
- Well, are you ready for it?

1000
00:39:48.552 --> 00:39:49.553
- No.

1001
00:39:49.553 --> 00:39:50.388
- Will you be?

1002
00:39:50.388 --> 00:39:52.306
- In six months?

1003
00:39:52.306 --> 00:39:53.557
- Probably not.

1004
00:39:53.557 --> 00:39:55.643
- Then what business
do you have doing it?

1005
00:39:55.643 --> 00:39:57.812
- A baby is not a business.

1006
00:39:57.812 --> 00:40:00.147
- Why don't you just
poke a hole in a condom?

1007
00:40:00.147 --> 00:40:01.565
- Why don't you
just get married?

1008
00:40:01.565 --> 00:40:03.984
- No, no. You two are
not going to make me

1009
00:40:03.984 --> 00:40:05.403
feel bad about this.

1010
00:40:05.403 --> 00:40:08.823
It's a good decision, and I'm
going to have a good baby.

1011
00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:11.242
Did I say that right?

1012
00:40:14.537 --> 00:40:16.414
- I'm going to
squeeze you to pieces.

1013
00:40:17.706 --> 00:40:21.168
(gentle music continues)

1014
00:40:22.002 --> 00:40:24.380
(giggles)

1015
00:40:24.380 --> 00:40:25.589
- I could babysit.

1016
00:40:27.508 --> 00:40:29.093
What?

1017
00:40:29.093 --> 00:40:30.678
- Okay. You keep
her walking around

1018
00:40:30.678 --> 00:40:32.096
while I call 911.

1019
00:40:32.096 --> 00:40:34.348
- Obviously Friday
Saturday and Sunday nights

1020
00:40:34.348 --> 00:40:35.766
are out of the question.

1021
00:40:35.766 --> 00:40:38.352
- Okay, she's coming out of it.

1022
00:40:38.352 --> 00:40:40.604
- I don't hear you
offering to babysit.

1023
00:40:42.398 --> 00:40:44.024
- I could.

1024
00:40:44.024 --> 00:40:45.526
- You two would do that for me?

1025
00:40:47.027 --> 00:40:50.030
- The three of us could raise
a baby better than any couple.

1026
00:40:51.240 --> 00:40:54.201
- I only offered to babysit.

1027
00:40:54.201 --> 00:40:55.536
- No. Think about it.

1028
00:40:56.704 --> 00:41:00.040
Together we make
up the ideal woman.

1029
00:41:01.709 --> 00:41:04.712
Beauty, brains and personality.

1030
00:41:04.712 --> 00:41:08.215
- An ideal woman is only
made up of three things?

1031
00:41:08.215 --> 00:41:09.467
- I get it.

1032
00:41:09.467 --> 00:41:11.135
Each of our strengths
fills in the weakness

1033
00:41:11.135 --> 00:41:14.263
of the other two. Like the
three witches and Macbeth.

1034
00:41:14.263 --> 00:41:16.390
- I don't see foreign films.

1035
00:41:16.390 --> 00:41:17.600
Anyway, what's so
good about a witch?

1036
00:41:17.600 --> 00:41:19.268
They have bad skin
and facial hair.

1037
00:41:19.268 --> 00:41:22.563
- They're strong, smart, in
control their own destiny.

1038
00:41:22.563 --> 00:41:25.900
- Yeah, yeah. Look,
Lynette is the brains,

1039
00:41:25.900 --> 00:41:27.985
you're the personality,

1040
00:41:27.985 --> 00:41:29.278
and I'm the beauty.

1041
00:41:33.908 --> 00:41:36.410
- I'm going to start
cleaning up the dishes now.

1042
00:41:36.410 --> 00:41:38.829
- Don't leave me alone with her.

1043
00:41:40.247 --> 00:41:42.625
- What? It's not like
I'm saying something bad.

1044
00:41:42.625 --> 00:41:43.792
Candy has personality.

1045
00:41:43.792 --> 00:41:45.294
Everybody loves her.

1046
00:41:45.294 --> 00:41:48.255
And you, your school
thing. You're all smart me.

1047
00:41:48.255 --> 00:41:53.260
- Me, I get complimented
a lot, and noticed a lot,

1048
00:41:54.512 --> 00:41:56.180
hit on a lot.

1049
00:41:56.180 --> 00:41:58.432
- Doesn't mean anything.

1050
00:41:58.432 --> 00:42:00.434
- I get laid, okay?

1051
00:42:00.434 --> 00:42:01.602
A lot.

1052
00:42:01.602 --> 00:42:04.021
Whenever I want.
By whoever I want.

1053
00:42:04.021 --> 00:42:07.775
And meanwhile, you study
and Candy knits, I guess.

1054
00:42:07.775 --> 00:42:09.193
- That doesn't mean that you're-

1055
00:42:09.193 --> 00:42:10.861
- Let's change the subject.

1056
00:42:11.820 --> 00:42:12.780
- I'm sorry.

1057
00:42:12.780 --> 00:42:13.614
I don't know what to say.

1058
00:42:13.614 --> 00:42:15.282
I'm so upset right now.

1059
00:42:15.282 --> 00:42:18.202
- You don't really mean
all this, do you, Jess?

1060
00:42:18.202 --> 00:42:19.119
- Sure I do.

1061
00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:20.329
- [Lynette] Oh my God.

1062
00:42:20.329 --> 00:42:21.497
It's like a monkey
playing with dynamite.

1063
00:42:21.497 --> 00:42:22.790
- It's a compliment!

1064
00:42:22.790 --> 00:42:24.458
- What? Saying that
you're prettier than us.

1065
00:42:24.458 --> 00:42:25.668
That's a compliment?

1066
00:42:25.668 --> 00:42:28.796
- No, I'm saying that
you're smarter than us

1067
00:42:28.796 --> 00:42:32.299
and that Candy has more
personality than us.

1068
00:42:32.299 --> 00:42:35.302
- But you don't care about
brains or personality.

1069
00:42:35.302 --> 00:42:36.804
- Oh, obviously I
don't need them.

1070
00:42:36.804 --> 00:42:38.138
But where would you two be?

1071
00:42:42.476 --> 00:42:46.981
Candy, you told us that
you teach stuff at the "Y".

1072
00:42:46.981 --> 00:42:50.192
And there's things on your
wall that you knitted.

1073
00:42:50.192 --> 00:42:52.152
That's insane.

1074
00:42:52.152 --> 00:42:54.697
And now with your
whole baby thing,

1075
00:42:54.697 --> 00:42:57.157
if you want a guy
that wants children,

1076
00:42:57.157 --> 00:42:58.701
you just show him yours.

1077
00:42:59.868 --> 00:43:03.581
And Lynette, you
want a smart guy.

1078
00:43:03.581 --> 00:43:05.583
Where else are you
going to find one

1079
00:43:05.583 --> 00:43:09.003
than at a college
for smart people?

1080
00:43:09.003 --> 00:43:11.171
- Brains aren't everything.

1081
00:43:11.171 --> 00:43:12.673
- If you really thought that

1082
00:43:12.673 --> 00:43:14.508
then why didn't you marry
Billy from the hardware store?

1083
00:43:14.508 --> 00:43:15.426
- Bobby.

1084
00:43:15.426 --> 00:43:17.511
Because I didn't want to.

1085
00:43:17.511 --> 00:43:20.514
- No, because he worked
at a dumb hardware store.

1086
00:43:20.514 --> 00:43:22.683
- No, because he
called himself Bobby.

1087
00:43:22.683 --> 00:43:25.019
- Oh, you thought
it was a cute name.

1088
00:43:25.019 --> 00:43:26.687
(sighs)

1089
00:43:26.687 --> 00:43:28.856
- What kind of man
do you want, Jess?

1090
00:43:28.856 --> 00:43:30.357
- Rich. What else?

1091
00:43:30.357 --> 00:43:33.902
- Then why do you only
date gorgeous men?

1092
00:43:33.902 --> 00:43:35.779
- Oh, the gorgeous are much
more likely to be rich.

1093
00:43:35.779 --> 00:43:37.031
Ask Darwin.

1094
00:43:37.031 --> 00:43:39.199
- I actually heard
that on the news.

1095
00:43:39.199 --> 00:43:41.577
- Also, more of us are famous.

1096
00:43:41.577 --> 00:43:43.245
- Us?

1097
00:43:43.245 --> 00:43:45.372
Us gorgeous people?

1098
00:43:45.372 --> 00:43:46.540
- Okay.

1099
00:43:46.540 --> 00:43:47.708
We.

1100
00:43:47.708 --> 00:43:48.959
We gorgeous people.

1101
00:43:48.959 --> 00:43:50.210
Are you satisfied?

1102
00:43:50.210 --> 00:43:51.962
- Not until you apologize.

1103
00:43:51.962 --> 00:43:53.380
- For what?

1104
00:43:53.380 --> 00:43:54.548
- Saying we're ugly.

1105
00:43:54.548 --> 00:43:55.716
(beeping)

1106
00:43:55.716 --> 00:43:56.925
- Oh my God. What's that?

1107
00:44:00.054 --> 00:44:01.889
- Don't you know?
It's your kitchen.

1108
00:44:04.892 --> 00:44:07.102
- [Lynette] Something
in your oven is on fire!

1109
00:44:07.102 --> 00:44:09.396
- Oh. That? Don't
worry about that.

1110
00:44:13.275 --> 00:44:15.569
(coughing)

1111
00:44:16.904 --> 00:44:17.905
What are you doing?

1112
00:44:19.907 --> 00:44:20.824
- I'm going to go.

1113
00:44:21.742 --> 00:44:22.576
- What's this?

1114
00:44:22.576 --> 00:44:24.244
- Nothing.

1115
00:44:24.244 --> 00:44:25.079
- Jess,

1116
00:44:26.955 --> 00:44:27.831
did you us a-

1117
00:44:27.831 --> 00:44:28.666
- No!

1118
00:44:28.666 --> 00:44:29.917
Are you kidding?

1119
00:44:29.917 --> 00:44:31.418
I don't even know
where that came from.

1120
00:44:31.418 --> 00:44:34.421
- Okay. Well tell Lynnie
I'm sorry but I gotta go.

1121
00:44:34.421 --> 00:44:36.507
Tell her to call me later.

1122
00:44:36.507 --> 00:44:38.676
(beeping)

1123
00:44:48.811 --> 00:44:50.521
(coughing)

1124
00:44:50.521 --> 00:44:51.855
- What did you burn?

1125
00:44:53.357 --> 00:44:54.942
- Nothing. It's nothing.

1126
00:44:55.776 --> 00:44:56.944
Leave it alone.

1127
00:44:56.944 --> 00:44:58.320
Candy left.

1128
00:44:58.320 --> 00:44:59.279
- What did she say?

1129
00:45:00.698 --> 00:45:02.950
- She said that she wanted
to leave before you got back.

1130
00:45:04.368 --> 00:45:05.202
- Oh God.

1131
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:07.287
Should I call her?

1132
00:45:07.287 --> 00:45:10.791
- No. You should
probably leave too.

1133
00:45:10.791 --> 00:45:13.877
(soft music continues)

1134
00:45:13.877 --> 00:45:15.045
- Okay. Fine.

1135
00:45:15.963 --> 00:45:17.464
Good night.

1136
00:45:17.464 --> 00:45:20.718
(soft music continues)

1137
00:45:24.304 --> 00:45:26.140
- Thank you for
ruining everything!

1138
00:45:31.478 --> 00:45:33.647
- Lynette and Candy
stayed busy, of course.

1139
00:45:33.647 --> 00:45:35.149
They lived in an exciting city,

1140
00:45:35.149 --> 00:45:37.484
and they found lots of
new ways to explore it.

1141
00:45:38.569 --> 00:45:41.321
But sometimes is it just
more fun with three?

1142
00:45:42.656 --> 00:45:43.699
I don't know.

1143
00:45:43.699 --> 00:45:46.869
(lively music begins)

1144
00:47:18.252 --> 00:47:19.253
- [Stroman] That's
a terrific title

1145
00:47:19.253 --> 00:47:20.629
for your dissertation, Lynette.

1146
00:47:20.629 --> 00:47:21.463
- [Lynette] Yay.

1147
00:47:22.422 --> 00:47:24.299
- But you were finished.

1148
00:47:24.299 --> 00:47:25.926
What made you
suddenly change it?

1149
00:47:25.926 --> 00:47:27.177
- You said yourself

1150
00:47:27.177 --> 00:47:29.263
that the original title
lacked a point of view.

1151
00:47:29.263 --> 00:47:31.932
- Yeah. You, you went from a

1152
00:47:31.932 --> 00:47:35.435
"Classical Versus Modern
Perceptions of Femininity"

1153
00:47:35.435 --> 00:47:37.688
to "Why Beauty Kills".

1154
00:47:38.939 --> 00:47:40.774
Definitely have a
point of view now.

1155
00:47:40.774 --> 00:47:42.651
- Somethings that
have happened recently

1156
00:47:42.651 --> 00:47:45.445
gave me a new passion
for the topic.

1157
00:47:45.445 --> 00:47:46.780
- Oh, I know.

1158
00:47:47.990 --> 00:47:49.533
- You know what?

1159
00:47:49.533 --> 00:47:51.618
- Oh, I figured something
must have happened.

1160
00:47:51.618 --> 00:47:54.329
You missed your last
three therapy sessions.

1161
00:47:54.329 --> 00:47:55.706
- I know, Dr.
Stroman. I'm so sorry.

1162
00:47:55.706 --> 00:47:58.792
I've just been working
so hard on this.

1163
00:47:58.792 --> 00:48:01.128
- No. It's okay. It paid off.

1164
00:48:01.128 --> 00:48:02.462
It's a good read.

1165
00:48:02.462 --> 00:48:03.297
It's riveting.

1166
00:48:03.297 --> 00:48:04.131
- Really?

1167
00:48:04.131 --> 00:48:05.299
- Mm-hm.

1168
00:48:05.299 --> 00:48:06.675
I didn't think
you had it in you.

1169
00:48:06.675 --> 00:48:08.176
- You didn't?

1170
00:48:08.176 --> 00:48:10.637
- Oh, well maybe that wasn't
the best choice of words. But-

1171
00:48:10.637 --> 00:48:13.390
- No one's ever called my
writing riveting before.

1172
00:48:13.390 --> 00:48:15.183
- You're still
missing one thing.

1173
00:48:15.183 --> 00:48:17.519
- I followed all the
guidelines to the letter-

1174
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:18.896
- You are missing, Lynette.

1175
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:21.899
True.

1176
00:48:21.899 --> 00:48:23.901
There's more of you in this
draft in another drafts,

1177
00:48:23.901 --> 00:48:25.986
but you don't have a
lot of skin in the game.

1178
00:48:27.237 --> 00:48:28.238
- What do you mean?

1179
00:48:30.157 --> 00:48:31.658
- "Why Beauty Kills"? Right?

1180
00:48:34.536 --> 00:48:37.205
"Perceptions of beauty have
varied widely throughout history

1181
00:48:37.205 --> 00:48:39.750
and have served to maintain
a lowered social status

1182
00:48:39.750 --> 00:48:42.836
among certain groups of women
who were blah blah blah blah."

1183
00:48:42.836 --> 00:48:43.879
- But it's all true.

1184
00:48:43.879 --> 00:48:45.005
- Blah blah blah.

1185
00:48:45.005 --> 00:48:45.839
- That's all true!

1186
00:48:45.839 --> 00:48:47.007
- I know that.

1187
00:48:47.007 --> 00:48:48.550
I'm quite certain
that every fact,

1188
00:48:48.550 --> 00:48:50.928
and every figure, and every
graph, and chart, and quote,

1189
00:48:50.928 --> 00:48:53.347
and cross-reference
is beyond reproach.

1190
00:48:53.347 --> 00:48:54.848
- Yes. Thank you.

1191
00:48:54.848 --> 00:48:56.934
- But you need to
do one more thing.

1192
00:48:56.934 --> 00:48:57.768
- Okay.

1193
00:48:58.685 --> 00:48:59.519
What?

1194
00:49:01.021 --> 00:49:02.522
- I haven't the slightest.

1195
00:49:04.441 --> 00:49:07.027
This topic isn't about me.

1196
00:49:08.195 --> 00:49:09.529
Beauty doesn't kill men.

1197
00:49:10.906 --> 00:49:15.369
As a whole, this is not what
resonates in a man's gut.

1198
00:49:15.369 --> 00:49:18.872
- I know. I just wish
you guys understood.

1199
00:49:18.872 --> 00:49:20.958
It's so hard to
make men understand

1200
00:49:20.958 --> 00:49:22.084
what it's like to actually be-

1201
00:49:22.084 --> 00:49:23.293
- [Stroman] Make us understand!

1202
00:49:23.293 --> 00:49:24.753
Show us.

1203
00:49:24.753 --> 00:49:28.048
Do something that scares
you and then write about it.

1204
00:49:28.048 --> 00:49:29.716
- Something that scares me?

1205
00:49:29.716 --> 00:49:31.718
- I don't mean
anything dangerous.

1206
00:49:31.718 --> 00:49:33.220
- So what?

1207
00:49:33.220 --> 00:49:35.806
Like, enter a tacky beauty
pageant or something?

1208
00:49:36.723 --> 00:49:37.766
- Sure. Why not?

1209
00:49:37.766 --> 00:49:39.393
I think that might take too long

1210
00:49:39.393 --> 00:49:41.061
but you're on the right road.

1211
00:49:41.061 --> 00:49:42.729
- A wet T-shirt contest?

1212
00:49:42.729 --> 00:49:45.148
No, I wouldn't win. Nevermind.

1213
00:49:46.566 --> 00:49:48.944
- I'm not going to advise
you to do that, okay?

1214
00:49:48.944 --> 00:49:50.737
- Get my picture taken?

1215
00:49:50.737 --> 00:49:52.322
- Exactly.

1216
00:49:52.322 --> 00:49:53.573
Pose for a photographer.

1217
00:49:54.741 --> 00:49:56.743
You don't have to
spend a lot of money.

1218
00:49:56.743 --> 00:49:58.829
- Actually I know a guy.

1219
00:49:59.913 --> 00:50:03.083
(gentle music begins)

1220
00:50:08.588 --> 00:50:09.673
- You must be Lynette.

1221
00:50:09.673 --> 00:50:13.010
- And you must be stunning.

1222
00:50:13.010 --> 00:50:13.927
- I'm Gianna,

1223
00:50:13.927 --> 00:50:15.178
Ron's assistant.

1224
00:50:15.178 --> 00:50:16.471
I'll be helping you today.

1225
00:50:17.639 --> 00:50:19.599
- Um. I tried to
take a crack at it

1226
00:50:19.599 --> 00:50:20.851
as you can see.

1227
00:50:22.769 --> 00:50:25.439
- Oh, aren't you adventurous?

1228
00:50:25.439 --> 00:50:28.358
- If anyone should be in
front of the camera, it's you.

1229
00:50:29.443 --> 00:50:30.610
- Lindsey!

1230
00:50:30.610 --> 00:50:33.989
(gentle music continues)

1231
00:50:45.792 --> 00:50:47.044
- Lynette!

1232
00:50:47.044 --> 00:50:48.045
So glad you made it.

1233
00:50:49.296 --> 00:50:50.630
What made you change your mind?

1234
00:50:55.177 --> 00:50:56.803
- I still might change it.

1235
00:50:57.888 --> 00:50:59.806
- Whatever you're
most comfortable with.

1236
00:51:00.807 --> 00:51:01.975
- These.

1237
00:51:01.975 --> 00:51:04.019
I'm comfortable with these.

1238
00:51:04.019 --> 00:51:05.729
- Outfits!

1239
00:51:05.729 --> 00:51:06.521
Great.

1240
00:51:09.149 --> 00:51:10.317
Show me what you got.

1241
00:51:10.317 --> 00:51:11.860
- Okay. So I've got brown.

1242
00:51:11.860 --> 00:51:14.154
I've got reddish
brown, brownish red,

1243
00:51:14.154 --> 00:51:15.655
beige, I have brown.

1244
00:51:15.655 --> 00:51:16.990
I have reddish browns. I have-

1245
00:51:16.990 --> 00:51:19.493
- Nah, nah. I don't see
those colors in you.

1246
00:51:19.493 --> 00:51:20.702
- I could be gray.

1247
00:51:20.702 --> 00:51:22.329
You never answered my question.

1248
00:51:22.329 --> 00:51:23.163
- Oh.

1249
00:51:23.163 --> 00:51:23.997
No tattoos.

1250
00:51:23.997 --> 00:51:25.499
I never had the guts.

1251
00:51:25.499 --> 00:51:26.666
- Not that.

1252
00:51:26.666 --> 00:51:28.668
What made you change your mind?

1253
00:51:28.668 --> 00:51:31.171
- About coming here?

1254
00:51:31.171 --> 00:51:33.673
- I asked you, I don't
know how many times.

1255
00:51:33.673 --> 00:51:35.050
And you've always told me no.

1256
00:51:35.050 --> 00:51:37.677
And suddenly here you are.

1257
00:51:37.677 --> 00:51:38.678
- There I am.

1258
00:51:38.678 --> 00:51:40.514
Here I are. Am.

1259
00:51:40.514 --> 00:51:41.348
Yes.

1260
00:51:41.348 --> 00:51:43.100
So blue.

1261
00:51:43.100 --> 00:51:44.392
I like blue.

1262
00:51:44.392 --> 00:51:46.853
- Blue would look
very nice on you.

1263
00:51:46.853 --> 00:51:48.772
- Or off of me.

1264
00:51:48.772 --> 00:51:50.524
- When I first saw you,

1265
00:51:50.524 --> 00:51:53.527
I thought, "I gotta
get this girl on film."

1266
00:51:53.527 --> 00:51:54.277
- Oh.

1267
00:51:55.237 --> 00:51:56.696
- But there's no rush.

1268
00:51:56.696 --> 00:51:58.698
We don't even have to do this.

1269
00:51:58.698 --> 00:51:59.699
- Do what?

1270
00:51:59.699 --> 00:52:00.700
- Go all the way.

1271
00:52:02.119 --> 00:52:05.872
- If you want it, you
can keep your clothes on.

1272
00:52:08.542 --> 00:52:10.418
- What if I don't want?

1273
00:52:11.461 --> 00:52:12.295
- Gi.

1274
00:52:16.216 --> 00:52:17.634
I'm going to load up my gear.

1275
00:52:20.428 --> 00:52:24.724
- So Lynette, let's start
with shades of blue.

1276
00:52:26.226 --> 00:52:28.145
- Load up his gear?

1277
00:52:29.229 --> 00:52:30.564
- Put film in his camera.

1278
00:52:33.400 --> 00:52:34.734
- Or?

1279
00:52:34.734 --> 00:52:37.279
- Put batteries in
his flash units.

1280
00:52:37.279 --> 00:52:38.113
- Or?

1281
00:52:39.239 --> 00:52:40.240
- That's all I got.

1282
00:52:41.741 --> 00:52:42.784
Don't worry.

1283
00:52:42.784 --> 00:52:44.661
He already has a girlfriend.

1284
00:52:44.661 --> 00:52:46.746
- Of course. Of course
he does. Naturally.

1285
00:52:49.249 --> 00:52:50.500
What's her name?

1286
00:52:50.500 --> 00:52:53.336
- Um, Jocelyn, I think.

1287
00:52:55.130 --> 00:52:55.964
- Jessica?

1288
00:52:55.964 --> 00:52:57.174
- Jessica, that's it.

1289
00:52:59.593 --> 00:53:03.847
You know, people usually
pay him for a session.

1290
00:53:04.806 --> 00:53:05.765
- They do?

1291
00:53:05.765 --> 00:53:08.268
- And his fees are insane.

1292
00:53:08.268 --> 00:53:10.520
So if he's paying you-

1293
00:53:10.520 --> 00:53:12.439
- He's out of his mind.

1294
00:53:12.439 --> 00:53:15.025
- It means he thinks
you're spectacular.

1295
00:53:17.944 --> 00:53:19.779
- I was always afraid of blue.

1296
00:53:19.779 --> 00:53:21.114
- Really?

1297
00:53:21.114 --> 00:53:22.616
I think it looks great on you.

1298
00:53:23.825 --> 00:53:27.662
- Do you love her cheekbones?

1299
00:53:27.662 --> 00:53:28.496
- Yes.

1300
00:53:30.373 --> 00:53:33.210
(camera shutters)

1301
00:53:33.210 --> 00:53:35.295
(gentle music continues)

1302
00:53:35.295 --> 00:53:36.463
(camera shutters)

1303
00:53:36.463 --> 00:53:38.798
- So (clears throat)
how's Jessica?

1304
00:53:40.133 --> 00:53:41.384
(camera shutters)

1305
00:53:41.384 --> 00:53:42.469
- She makes me laugh.

1306
00:53:43.553 --> 00:53:44.638
- That's one of her talents.

1307
00:53:44.638 --> 00:53:47.057
(camera shutters)

1308
00:53:47.057 --> 00:53:48.475
- Is it true that one time

1309
00:53:48.475 --> 00:53:50.810
you let her use your
apartment for a date with me?

1310
00:53:51.811 --> 00:53:53.313
- Oh my God.

1311
00:53:53.313 --> 00:53:55.857
You saw my hideous apartment?
And you were still with her?

1312
00:53:55.857 --> 00:54:00.320
- I loved the apartment, but
I knew she didn't live there.

1313
00:54:01.988 --> 00:54:02.822
(camera shutters)

1314
00:54:02.822 --> 00:54:04.324
- What gave it away?

1315
00:54:04.324 --> 00:54:06.326
- She picked up a recorder
and held it like this.

1316
00:54:08.328 --> 00:54:11.248
And she didn't even
know what it was called.

1317
00:54:11.248 --> 00:54:15.418
And then she couldn't identify
anything in her apartment.

1318
00:54:15.418 --> 00:54:17.420
- She's got
different priorities.

1319
00:54:19.172 --> 00:54:23.343
- I heard about the breakup.
You three. I'm sorry.

1320
00:54:23.343 --> 00:54:24.928
- Oh, I hope you don't think

1321
00:54:24.928 --> 00:54:26.513
this is some sort
of revenge thing

1322
00:54:26.513 --> 00:54:28.098
because that's not.
That's not why-

1323
00:54:28.098 --> 00:54:28.932
- [Ron] No.

1324
00:54:28.932 --> 00:54:29.766
- [Lynette] Because-

1325
00:54:29.766 --> 00:54:30.600
- I know.

1326
00:54:32.018 --> 00:54:33.353
I don't even have to tell
her about the session

1327
00:54:33.353 --> 00:54:34.521
if you don't want me to.

1328
00:54:35.355 --> 00:54:38.858
(gentle music continues)

1329
00:54:40.193 --> 00:54:41.569
Oh.

1330
00:54:41.569 --> 00:54:42.404
Stunning.

1331
00:54:43.446 --> 00:54:46.408
(camera shutters)

1332
00:54:46.408 --> 00:54:48.451
(camera shutters)

1333
00:54:48.451 --> 00:54:50.370
- You look phenomenal, Lynette.

1334
00:54:51.871 --> 00:54:53.540
- I call this look
"Noble Regret".

1335
00:54:57.919 --> 00:54:59.796
Let's get down to
business, shall we?

1336
00:55:05.385 --> 00:55:08.221
(camera shutters)

1337
00:55:12.976 --> 00:55:15.645
(phone ringing)

1338
00:55:16.563 --> 00:55:17.480
- Barking Parrot Development,

1339
00:55:17.480 --> 00:55:18.398
this is Jessica speaking.

1340
00:55:18.398 --> 00:55:19.566
How may I direct your call?

1341
00:55:23.653 --> 00:55:25.613
Mr. Carlyle? I have
Mr. Ashton for you.

1342
00:55:31.244 --> 00:55:35.081
(tense music begins)

1343
00:55:35.081 --> 00:55:38.251
(keyboard clicking)

1344
00:55:54.434 --> 00:55:56.853
(phone beeping)

1345
00:55:56.853 --> 00:55:58.938
(phone dialing)

1346
00:55:58.938 --> 00:56:00.648
- [Voicemail] Hi.
If you're mailing-

1347
00:56:01.941 --> 00:56:03.610
- [Answering machine]
No new messages.

1348
00:56:05.028 --> 00:56:06.112
No new messages.

1349
00:56:08.281 --> 00:56:09.616
No new messages.

1350
00:56:11.451 --> 00:56:12.494
No new messages.

1351
00:56:15.205 --> 00:56:17.499
(sighs)

1352
00:56:17.499 --> 00:56:20.502
(soft music begins)

1353
00:56:21.378 --> 00:56:22.796
- Oh my God, she'll love that.

1354
00:56:22.796 --> 00:56:23.713
- Really?

1355
00:56:23.713 --> 00:56:25.131
- No, that's really great.

1356
00:56:25.131 --> 00:56:26.132
- I don't know. I don't think
it's, like, symmetrical.

1357
00:56:26.132 --> 00:56:27.634
- I love what you're doing here.

1358
00:56:27.634 --> 00:56:28.468
- Are you sure?

1359
00:56:28.468 --> 00:56:29.302
- That's beautiful.

1360
00:56:29.302 --> 00:56:30.136
- I feel like.

1361
00:56:30.136 --> 00:56:30.970
- Aw.

1362
00:56:30.970 --> 00:56:34.474
(gentle music continues)

1363
00:56:37.977 --> 00:56:40.647
(phone beeping)

1364
00:56:42.690 --> 00:56:45.235
(phone dialing)

1365
00:56:45.235 --> 00:56:48.488
(answering machine
speaks indistinctly)

1366
00:56:48.488 --> 00:56:50.031
- [Ron] Hey Jess,
just a quick message

1367
00:56:50.031 --> 00:56:52.826
to tell you how happy
you made me last night.

1368
00:56:52.826 --> 00:56:55.161
I can't wait to see you.

1369
00:56:55.161 --> 00:56:55.995
I love you.

1370
00:56:55.995 --> 00:56:59.207
(slow music continues)

1371
00:57:18.351 --> 00:57:21.354
(phone beeping)

1372
00:57:21.354 --> 00:57:22.939
(phone dialing)

1373
00:57:22.939 --> 00:57:24.441
- [Voicemail] Hi.

1374
00:57:24.441 --> 00:57:27.193
- [Answering Machine]
No new messages.

1375
00:57:27.193 --> 00:57:28.528
No new messages.

1376
00:57:29.946 --> 00:57:30.947
No new mess-

1377
00:57:38.037 --> 00:57:39.581
- In spite of all
the new traditions

1378
00:57:39.581 --> 00:57:42.041
that Lynette and Candy
were inventing together,

1379
00:57:42.041 --> 00:57:43.710
they still missed an old one.

1380
00:57:43.710 --> 00:57:45.211
So about six months later

1381
00:57:45.211 --> 00:57:47.797
they revived their
monthly dinner party.

1382
00:57:47.797 --> 00:57:50.383
But with seating only for two.

1383
00:57:50.383 --> 00:57:53.803
(gentle music continues)

1384
00:57:55.472 --> 00:57:58.224
(doorbell rings)

1385
00:58:00.602 --> 00:58:01.603
- Look at you.

1386
00:58:01.603 --> 00:58:02.896
My God.

1387
00:58:04.564 --> 00:58:05.482
- Oh.

1388
00:58:05.482 --> 00:58:06.733
- Oh.

1389
00:58:06.733 --> 00:58:08.443
I'm offering wine
to a pregnant woman.

1390
00:58:08.443 --> 00:58:09.903
I'm so sorry.

1391
00:58:09.903 --> 00:58:12.739
- Oh my gosh. I
love your outfit.

1392
00:58:12.739 --> 00:58:15.074
You PhDs are smart dressers.

1393
00:58:15.074 --> 00:58:16.910
- Oh, dinner smells great.

1394
00:58:16.910 --> 00:58:21.915
- Well cooking for three, uh,
two is much more fun than one.

1395
00:58:23.249 --> 00:58:25.335
- And it's not like you're
cooking a bunch of food to eat

1396
00:58:25.335 --> 00:58:28.004
for lunch all week out of
those Tupperware thingies.

1397
00:58:28.004 --> 00:58:28.922
- I hate that.

1398
00:58:29.797 --> 00:58:30.632
- Do you miss her?

1399
00:58:30.632 --> 00:58:31.633
- Who, Jess?

1400
00:58:31.633 --> 00:58:33.092
Of course not.

1401
00:58:33.092 --> 00:58:36.012
I mean, sure I wonder how she's
doing, but I don't miss her.

1402
00:58:36.012 --> 00:58:37.639
- Yeah.

1403
00:58:37.639 --> 00:58:38.598
- Do you miss her?

1404
00:58:38.598 --> 00:58:39.599
- Me? No.

1405
00:58:40.475 --> 00:58:42.644
Except sometimes.

1406
00:58:42.644 --> 00:58:43.478
- Yeah.

1407
00:58:43.478 --> 00:58:44.812
Sometimes.

1408
00:58:44.812 --> 00:58:45.939
Excuse me a second, hon.

1409
00:58:45.939 --> 00:58:46.773
- Yeah.

1410
00:58:55.949 --> 00:58:58.660
(phone beeping)

1411
00:58:58.660 --> 00:59:00.203
(phone dialing)

1412
00:59:00.203 --> 00:59:01.704
- [Answering Machine]
You have no messages.

1413
00:59:01.704 --> 00:59:03.039
Thank you for your call.

1414
00:59:03.039 --> 00:59:03.873
Goodbye.

1415
00:59:08.044 --> 00:59:09.212
(sighs)

1416
00:59:09.212 --> 00:59:11.172
- So you have
another month still?

1417
00:59:11.172 --> 00:59:12.632
- Two weeks.

1418
00:59:12.632 --> 00:59:14.342
So you guys won't have to
rush me to the hospital guys.

1419
00:59:14.342 --> 00:59:15.718
- Us guys?

1420
00:59:15.718 --> 00:59:18.304
- You. You won't
have to rush me.

1421
00:59:18.304 --> 00:59:20.306
(phone ringing)

1422
00:59:20.306 --> 00:59:21.140
- Oh, I'll get it.

1423
00:59:21.140 --> 00:59:21.975
Something in the oven?

1424
00:59:21.975 --> 00:59:23.059
- Just the chicken.

1425
00:59:23.059 --> 00:59:23.893
- Okay.

1426
00:59:26.020 --> 00:59:26.854
(gentle music begins)

1427
00:59:26.854 --> 00:59:29.649
(phone beeping)

1428
00:59:29.649 --> 00:59:32.318
(phone dialing)

1429
00:59:34.237 --> 00:59:35.697
- [Jessica] Hi. If you're
male and you're cute,

1430
00:59:35.697 --> 00:59:37.991
and you're looking for
Jess, you may be in luck.

1431
00:59:39.325 --> 00:59:41.536
- Oh, were you calling somebody?

1432
00:59:41.536 --> 00:59:42.662
- No.

1433
00:59:42.662 --> 00:59:43.496
Maybe.

1434
00:59:43.496 --> 00:59:44.330
No.

1435
00:59:48.918 --> 00:59:50.670
- Why is there all
this extra food?

1436
00:59:52.839 --> 00:59:54.048
- Don't you sometimes wish

1437
00:59:54.048 --> 00:59:56.009
she would just call
up and apologize?

1438
00:59:57.051 --> 00:59:59.178
(laughs)

1439
01:00:01.097 --> 01:00:03.182
- It's been six months.

1440
01:00:04.350 --> 01:00:05.852
Do you think she misses us?

1441
01:00:07.186 --> 01:00:09.022
- I thought I was the naive one.

1442
01:00:11.566 --> 01:00:14.193
- Did you like
all our sex talks?

1443
01:00:14.193 --> 01:00:15.695
- Jess sure did.

1444
01:00:15.695 --> 01:00:19.073
- Mm. But did we ever talk
about, like, love and marriage?

1445
01:00:19.073 --> 01:00:22.535
- We tried. But it always
turned back to sex.

1446
01:00:22.535 --> 01:00:24.370
- Should we go to a nightclub?

1447
01:00:24.370 --> 01:00:26.539
- I don't actually
enjoy nightclubs.

1448
01:00:26.539 --> 01:00:28.875
And I don't think
Beanie would either.

1449
01:00:29.959 --> 01:00:30.960
(siren wailing)

1450
01:00:30.960 --> 01:00:31.878
- Ooh.

1451
01:00:31.878 --> 01:00:32.712
I think that's mine.

1452
01:00:32.712 --> 01:00:33.796
I'll be right back.

1453
01:00:36.132 --> 01:00:38.551
(siren wailing)

1454
01:00:38.551 --> 01:00:41.721
(gentle music begins)

1455
01:00:46.893 --> 01:00:49.228
(phone beeping)

1456
01:00:49.228 --> 01:00:51.898
(phone dialing)

1457
01:00:53.316 --> 01:00:54.275
- [Jessica] You've reached
the desk of Jessica Marshall

1458
01:00:54.275 --> 01:00:55.818
at Barking Parrot Development.

1459
01:00:55.818 --> 01:00:56.611
I'm either on-

1460
01:01:01.449 --> 01:01:02.950
- You called Jess, didn't you?

1461
01:01:04.827 --> 01:01:05.912
- So did you.

1462
01:01:06.746 --> 01:01:07.580
- No, I didn't.

1463
01:01:19.008 --> 01:01:20.635
- I kind of miss her.

1464
01:01:20.635 --> 01:01:22.929
- After what she said to us?

1465
01:01:22.929 --> 01:01:24.931
- Damn it, Lynnie.
She was right.

1466
01:01:24.931 --> 01:01:27.141
- That she's Miss
Beauty, I'm Miss Brains,

1467
01:01:27.141 --> 01:01:28.935
and you are Miss Personality?

1468
01:01:28.935 --> 01:01:30.353
- She is a beauty.

1469
01:01:30.353 --> 01:01:31.270
- So are you.

1470
01:01:31.270 --> 01:01:32.271
- And so are you.

1471
01:01:32.271 --> 01:01:33.106
- No I'm not.

1472
01:01:33.106 --> 01:01:34.357
- And no I'm not.

1473
01:01:34.357 --> 01:01:35.650
So we agree with
Jess on that point.

1474
01:01:36.776 --> 01:01:38.027
- What?

1475
01:01:38.027 --> 01:01:40.196
- I think that she's
beautiful and I'm not.

1476
01:01:40.196 --> 01:01:42.365
You think that she's
beautiful and you're not.

1477
01:01:42.365 --> 01:01:43.991
And she thinks that
she's beautiful-

1478
01:01:43.991 --> 01:01:45.660
- And we're not.

1479
01:01:45.660 --> 01:01:47.453
- She's not allowed
to think that?

1480
01:01:47.453 --> 01:01:49.288
- She can't just say it.

1481
01:01:49.288 --> 01:01:50.707
- Anyway, three
votes for Jessica,

1482
01:01:50.707 --> 01:01:51.958
one for you and one for me.

1483
01:01:51.958 --> 01:01:53.126
So she's right on that one.

1484
01:01:53.126 --> 01:01:54.127
- [Lynnie] But-

1485
01:01:54.127 --> 01:01:55.795
- Item number two: your brains.

1486
01:01:55.795 --> 01:01:57.296
- We all have brains.

1487
01:01:57.296 --> 01:01:59.132
- But only one of us has a PhD.

1488
01:01:59.132 --> 01:02:00.216
So she's right again.

1489
01:02:00.216 --> 01:02:01.801
- Candy, come on.

1490
01:02:01.801 --> 01:02:03.970
- Sometimes people tell me
I have a nice personality.

1491
01:02:03.970 --> 01:02:05.638
- You have a
wonderful personality.

1492
01:02:05.638 --> 01:02:07.140
- So Jess got all three right.

1493
01:02:07.140 --> 01:02:09.809
And if she didn't, we share
are acting like she did.

1494
01:02:09.809 --> 01:02:11.644
- God, we are.

1495
01:02:11.644 --> 01:02:13.146
- Another thing.

1496
01:02:13.146 --> 01:02:14.647
Did you see what she burned
in her oven that night?

1497
01:02:14.647 --> 01:02:16.357
- No, but it sure stank.

1498
01:02:16.357 --> 01:02:17.900
Like, sickly sweet.

1499
01:02:17.900 --> 01:02:19.902
- Like burned Devil's Food cake.

1500
01:02:19.902 --> 01:02:24.323
She baked us a cake.
Tried to. And failed.

1501
01:02:24.323 --> 01:02:25.491
- That was stupid.

1502
01:02:25.491 --> 01:02:26.743
She doesn't know how to bake.

1503
01:02:26.743 --> 01:02:28.411
- Trying something
new is stupid?

1504
01:02:28.411 --> 01:02:29.662
Really, Lynette?

1505
01:02:29.662 --> 01:02:31.164
- She lied to us
about all that food

1506
01:02:31.164 --> 01:02:33.166
she cooked that night. Remember?

1507
01:02:33.166 --> 01:02:34.709
All the food from
the restaurant.

1508
01:02:34.709 --> 01:02:36.210
She shouldn't have
lied to us like that.

1509
01:02:36.210 --> 01:02:37.503
That really hurts,

1510
01:02:37.503 --> 01:02:38.671
being lied to.

1511
01:02:38.671 --> 01:02:41.007
- Failing can hurt too.

1512
01:02:41.007 --> 01:02:42.842
I want to send her a fax.

1513
01:02:42.842 --> 01:02:43.843
- Wait, are you sure?

1514
01:02:45.386 --> 01:02:48.014
- Dear Jessica.

1515
01:02:48.014 --> 01:02:50.767
- Should we say "Dear Jessica"?

1516
01:02:50.767 --> 01:02:51.851
- Jessica dearest.

1517
01:02:53.853 --> 01:02:54.937
O Jessica.

1518
01:02:54.937 --> 01:02:56.105
- Like a prayer?

1519
01:02:56.105 --> 01:02:57.440
- Like a poem.

1520
01:02:57.440 --> 01:02:59.233
- She'll think we're
praying to her.

1521
01:02:59.233 --> 01:03:00.860
Say Jessica. No "Dear".

1522
01:03:04.363 --> 01:03:05.782
Okay. What do we have so far?

1523
01:03:07.116 --> 01:03:08.743
- Jessica.

1524
01:03:08.743 --> 01:03:12.872
- Jessica, we wish to
speak with you. Comply.

1525
01:03:16.042 --> 01:03:18.085
- How about "We need
to speak with you."?

1526
01:03:18.085 --> 01:03:19.712
- I don't need
anything from her.

1527
01:03:20.755 --> 01:03:22.215
- I'm going to go see her.

1528
01:03:22.215 --> 01:03:23.716
- Are you crazy?

1529
01:03:23.716 --> 01:03:26.219
- This note is inviting her
to come see us, I think.

1530
01:03:26.219 --> 01:03:27.386
- Yes.

1531
01:03:27.386 --> 01:03:29.764
Someday. In a
controlled environment.

1532
01:03:29.764 --> 01:03:30.932
- I'll bring her back here.

1533
01:03:30.932 --> 01:03:32.141
All the control you want.

1534
01:03:32.141 --> 01:03:34.310
- Okay. Just try this.

1535
01:03:34.310 --> 01:03:36.979
"Jessica, please meet with us

1536
01:03:36.979 --> 01:03:39.440
before our lives
continue too far

1537
01:03:39.440 --> 01:03:42.068
down separate and
disparate paths."

1538
01:03:42.068 --> 01:03:44.570
- Don't separate and
disparate mean the same thing?

1539
01:03:44.570 --> 01:03:46.239
- Disparate means dissimilar.

1540
01:03:46.239 --> 01:03:48.825
And separate means not touching.

1541
01:03:48.825 --> 01:03:49.909
- Does Jess know that?

1542
01:03:50.910 --> 01:03:52.328
- She went to college.

1543
01:03:52.328 --> 01:03:53.329
Occasionally.

1544
01:03:53.329 --> 01:03:55.331
(giggling)

1545
01:03:55.331 --> 01:03:56.916
- Should we send it to her work?

1546
01:03:56.916 --> 01:03:58.251
- She has a car fax.

1547
01:04:00.837 --> 01:04:02.839
(sighs)

1548
01:04:06.592 --> 01:04:07.927
- This is good.

1549
01:04:07.927 --> 01:04:09.303
Maybe in a few months
we'll be back together

1550
01:04:09.303 --> 01:04:10.596
having our monthly dinner.

1551
01:04:10.596 --> 01:04:12.181
- Taking our monthly picture.

1552
01:04:12.181 --> 01:04:14.433
- Eating our monthly
Devil's Food cake.

1553
01:04:15.601 --> 01:04:17.603
Jess will make some
thoughtless comment.

1554
01:04:17.603 --> 01:04:19.522
- And we'll be
ready to kill her.

1555
01:04:20.439 --> 01:04:21.274
- Oh my God.

1556
01:04:21.274 --> 01:04:22.108
- Did we get it?

1557
01:04:22.108 --> 01:04:22.984
- A piece is missing.

1558
01:04:22.984 --> 01:04:23.776
- Was there anything on it?

1559
01:04:23.776 --> 01:04:25.152
- Just one word.

1560
01:04:25.152 --> 01:04:25.987
- Which word?

1561
01:04:27.029 --> 01:04:28.698
- Disparate.

1562
01:04:28.698 --> 01:04:29.532
- Uh-oh.

1563
01:04:30.533 --> 01:04:31.492
- Hey, you two!

1564
01:04:32.785 --> 01:04:34.620
I was just in the neighborhood
and I got your fax.

1565
01:04:34.620 --> 01:04:36.122
Isn't that wild?

1566
01:04:36.122 --> 01:04:37.123
What fax?

1567
01:04:37.123 --> 01:04:38.291
- You're so cute.

1568
01:04:38.291 --> 01:04:39.959
The one where you
said you're desperate.

1569
01:04:39.959 --> 01:04:40.793
- Disparate.

1570
01:04:40.793 --> 01:04:41.836
- Exactly.

1571
01:04:41.836 --> 01:04:43.796
- Disparate means different.

1572
01:04:43.796 --> 01:04:45.298
- Oh, I sure hope
you feel different.

1573
01:04:45.298 --> 01:04:47.174
You were so weird
last time I saw you.

1574
01:04:47.174 --> 01:04:48.009
- No.

1575
01:04:48.009 --> 01:04:49.135
Unrelated.

1576
01:04:49.135 --> 01:04:50.511
- But we're friends,

1577
01:04:50.511 --> 01:04:52.388
so we are related like family.

1578
01:04:52.388 --> 01:04:53.806
- Distinct.

1579
01:04:53.806 --> 01:04:54.682
- Oh, our love is so strong

1580
01:04:54.682 --> 01:04:55.892
it will never go distinct.

1581
01:04:55.892 --> 01:04:57.351
- No, it means that-

1582
01:04:57.351 --> 01:04:58.728
- Anyway, none of that matters

1583
01:04:58.728 --> 01:05:01.397
because I totally forgive you.

1584
01:05:01.397 --> 01:05:02.648
- For what?

1585
01:05:02.648 --> 01:05:03.858
- For all the mean
things you said.

1586
01:05:03.858 --> 01:05:05.151
- What?

1587
01:05:05.151 --> 01:05:08.905
- All I remember is we
were having a nice talk

1588
01:05:08.905 --> 01:05:10.865
and suddenly you were furious.

1589
01:05:10.865 --> 01:05:13.075
- You insulted us.

1590
01:05:13.075 --> 01:05:14.577
- Oh, you mean my little comment

1591
01:05:14.577 --> 01:05:16.662
about beauty, brains
and personality?

1592
01:05:16.662 --> 01:05:17.496
- See, Lynette.

1593
01:05:17.496 --> 01:05:18.706
She didn't even mean it.

1594
01:05:18.706 --> 01:05:20.541
- Oh, I meant it, but-

1595
01:05:20.541 --> 01:05:21.834
- We didn't send anything.

1596
01:05:23.336 --> 01:05:24.503
That was a mistake.

1597
01:05:26.881 --> 01:05:28.341
- Desperate.

1598
01:05:28.341 --> 01:05:30.509
So dramatic. Who knows what
you two are capable of?

1599
01:05:30.509 --> 01:05:33.054
- So what were you doing
in the neighborhood, Jess?

1600
01:05:34.013 --> 01:05:36.515
- I was going to
the post office.

1601
01:05:36.515 --> 01:05:38.559
- It closes at 5:00.

1602
01:05:38.559 --> 01:05:40.353
- Well, there's this really
cute little dress shop.

1603
01:05:40.353 --> 01:05:42.104
You know, it's just
around the corner.

1604
01:05:42.104 --> 01:05:43.022
- [Candy] I know the shop.

1605
01:05:43.022 --> 01:05:43.856
- It's closed.

1606
01:05:45.066 --> 01:05:47.193
What were you doing in
Candy's neighborhood?

1607
01:05:47.193 --> 01:05:51.364
- I was headed to...

1608
01:05:53.616 --> 01:05:55.368
(sighs)

1609
01:05:55.368 --> 01:05:56.202
Okay.

1610
01:05:56.202 --> 01:05:57.703
I'm really sorry

1611
01:05:57.703 --> 01:06:00.373
that I said you have a
fabulous personality.

1612
01:06:01.791 --> 01:06:05.962
And I'm really sorry that
I said you're a genius.

1613
01:06:05.962 --> 01:06:09.215
- How about sorry for saying,
"You two aren't beautiful."?

1614
01:06:09.215 --> 01:06:10.883
- I never said that.

1615
01:06:10.883 --> 01:06:12.093
- You said-

1616
01:06:12.093 --> 01:06:14.762
- I said that out
of the three of us,

1617
01:06:14.762 --> 01:06:17.098
I am the most beautiful.

1618
01:06:17.098 --> 01:06:18.766
- And you agree, Lynnie.

1619
01:06:18.766 --> 01:06:20.893
- I agree that Jess is
more beautiful than me

1620
01:06:20.893 --> 01:06:24.271
but I do not agree that she
is more beautiful than Candy.

1621
01:06:24.271 --> 01:06:27.066
- Lynette, if I agree
with you, Jess hates me.

1622
01:06:27.066 --> 01:06:29.235
And Jess, if I agree with
you, Lynette hates me.

1623
01:06:29.235 --> 01:06:30.820
So I'm not gonna say anything.

1624
01:06:30.820 --> 01:06:32.780
- She hurt you just
as bad as she hurt me.

1625
01:06:32.780 --> 01:06:35.741
- Oh. I don't even remember.

1626
01:06:35.741 --> 01:06:37.493
- But you guys, I have proof.

1627
01:06:37.493 --> 01:06:38.786
- Proof that you're beautiful?

1628
01:06:38.786 --> 01:06:39.662
- Yes!

1629
01:06:40.621 --> 01:06:41.831
- I remember now.

1630
01:06:41.831 --> 01:06:42.665
- Mm-hm.

1631
01:06:42.665 --> 01:06:44.417
Okay. I have proof too.

1632
01:06:44.417 --> 01:06:46.085
What does proof prove?

1633
01:06:46.919 --> 01:06:48.254
- What's your proof?

1634
01:06:48.254 --> 01:06:49.296
- Well, look at her.

1635
01:06:50.756 --> 01:06:52.341
- She looks like always.

1636
01:06:52.341 --> 01:06:53.300
Who are you wearing anyway?

1637
01:06:53.300 --> 01:06:54.343
Laura Ashley?

1638
01:06:55.594 --> 01:06:59.265
I, on the other hand, have this.

1639
01:07:00.266 --> 01:07:02.101
- Oh my God, Jess.

1640
01:07:02.101 --> 01:07:03.853
It's a boulder.

1641
01:07:03.853 --> 01:07:04.770
- Is that from Ron?

1642
01:07:05.688 --> 01:07:07.273
- Wait, you know Ron?

1643
01:07:07.273 --> 01:07:08.941
- You and I met
him the same night.

1644
01:07:08.941 --> 01:07:11.110
- He lets you call him Ron?

1645
01:07:11.110 --> 01:07:12.695
Did you sleep with him?

1646
01:07:12.695 --> 01:07:13.821
- No.

1647
01:07:13.821 --> 01:07:15.031
No.

1648
01:07:15.031 --> 01:07:17.616
- Then why does he
let you call him Ron?

1649
01:07:18.784 --> 01:07:21.787
- We talk sometimes
about photography.

1650
01:07:23.456 --> 01:07:24.957
- Wait, who's Ron?

1651
01:07:24.957 --> 01:07:25.958
- Oh, he's my dude.

1652
01:07:25.958 --> 01:07:27.168
My man.

1653
01:07:27.168 --> 01:07:29.045
He's like this rich
and famous photog.

1654
01:07:29.045 --> 01:07:29.879
- Well what did he take?

1655
01:07:29.879 --> 01:07:31.630
Like nature pictures?

1656
01:07:31.630 --> 01:07:33.299
- They're natural all right.

1657
01:07:33.299 --> 01:07:34.633
Very beautiful.

1658
01:07:34.633 --> 01:07:38.971
- Wait, did he take
pictures of you?

1659
01:07:38.971 --> 01:07:40.139
- A couple.

1660
01:07:40.139 --> 01:07:41.849
- How could you afford him?

1661
01:07:41.849 --> 01:07:44.560
- What did you mean by natural?

1662
01:07:44.560 --> 01:07:46.145
- I think you know what I mean.

1663
01:07:47.813 --> 01:07:49.482
- You posed naked?

1664
01:07:51.067 --> 01:07:53.486
- What did he do when
you started tearing
off your clothes?

1665
01:07:53.486 --> 01:07:55.154
- He brought it up at the party

1666
01:07:55.154 --> 01:07:57.490
and I was curious.

1667
01:07:57.490 --> 01:07:58.824
- Curious?

1668
01:07:58.824 --> 01:08:01.327
Like sexy French
coming-of-age movie curious?

1669
01:08:02.495 --> 01:08:04.330
- I thought you don't
watch foreign films.

1670
01:08:04.330 --> 01:08:06.332
- Oh, French isn't
foreign. It's trendy.

1671
01:08:06.332 --> 01:08:07.249
- Why didn't you tell me

1672
01:08:07.249 --> 01:08:08.709
somebody asked you to pose nude?

1673
01:08:08.709 --> 01:08:10.169
- I thought maybe he was drunk.

1674
01:08:10.169 --> 01:08:11.879
And no sex was involved.

1675
01:08:12.838 --> 01:08:14.715
I just wanted to feel sexy.

1676
01:08:15.883 --> 01:08:18.177
I've been celibate
for three years.

1677
01:08:18.177 --> 01:08:21.013
- You told us you
were abstaining.

1678
01:08:21.013 --> 01:08:23.849
- Don't you two ever
wanna feel sexy?

1679
01:08:23.849 --> 01:08:25.684
- Oh, I am sexy.

1680
01:08:25.684 --> 01:08:27.561
- I always feel cutesy.

1681
01:08:27.561 --> 01:08:29.688
Anyways, Lynette, I'm shocked.

1682
01:08:29.688 --> 01:08:31.232
- They're beautiful pictures.

1683
01:08:31.232 --> 01:08:33.859
- You were so critical
of my job at Curvees

1684
01:08:33.859 --> 01:08:36.695
and then you just go and
bare it all for the camera.

1685
01:08:36.695 --> 01:08:37.780
- Yeah!

1686
01:08:37.780 --> 01:08:39.573
- I didn't criticize you.

1687
01:08:39.573 --> 01:08:41.075
- You said I look
good in tiny shorts

1688
01:08:41.075 --> 01:08:42.535
and a clingy a T-shirt.

1689
01:08:42.535 --> 01:08:44.036
- That's criticism?

1690
01:08:44.036 --> 01:08:45.246
- Of course it is.

1691
01:08:45.246 --> 01:08:48.374
Candy, she's hard on me too.

1692
01:08:48.374 --> 01:08:49.375
- Sure it was critical

1693
01:08:49.375 --> 01:08:50.209
coming from.

1694
01:08:51.710 --> 01:08:52.753
- Wanna see them?

1695
01:08:52.753 --> 01:08:53.963
- The pictures?

1696
01:08:53.963 --> 01:08:56.257
- He gave me a whole
set. Wanna see?

1697
01:08:56.257 --> 01:08:57.716
- Absolutely not!

1698
01:08:57.716 --> 01:08:58.884
That's disgusting.

1699
01:08:58.884 --> 01:08:59.718
- Sure.

1700
01:09:08.144 --> 01:09:10.646
- Lynette, I can't believe
you sold out like that.

1701
01:09:11.814 --> 01:09:13.983
- Oh, I love this one
with the red scarf.

1702
01:09:13.983 --> 01:09:15.651
- I went a little wild there.

1703
01:09:17.570 --> 01:09:19.113
- Lynnie, these are gorgeous.

1704
01:09:19.113 --> 01:09:21.824
And the lighting, it's like
straight out of a magazine.

1705
01:09:21.824 --> 01:09:23.617
- Can I have some copies so
I can send them to your mom?

1706
01:09:23.617 --> 01:09:24.910
- She already has a set.

1707
01:09:25.911 --> 01:09:27.580
Look at these stuffed animals.

1708
01:09:27.580 --> 01:09:28.789
- Oh my God.

1709
01:09:28.789 --> 01:09:30.749
- Your dad is going to
have a heart attack.

1710
01:09:30.749 --> 01:09:34.253
- I got asked to pose for the
"Girls of Curvees" calendar.

1711
01:09:34.253 --> 01:09:36.422
But I said no.

1712
01:09:36.422 --> 01:09:38.174
- No, you should have done it.

1713
01:09:38.174 --> 01:09:39.925
- Six months ago you
wouldn't have said that.

1714
01:09:39.925 --> 01:09:41.427
- Yeah!

1715
01:09:41.427 --> 01:09:42.595
- Probably not.

1716
01:09:42.595 --> 01:09:44.597
- What? Now that
you're all Miss Nude

1717
01:09:44.597 --> 01:09:46.849
you're like everyone
take it off.

1718
01:09:46.849 --> 01:09:48.267
- When did you try out?

1719
01:09:48.267 --> 01:09:49.685
- About a month ago.

1720
01:09:49.685 --> 01:09:52.146
I sent them some
pre-pregnancy swimsuit photos

1721
01:09:52.146 --> 01:09:55.649
and they made me an offer
but I turned them down.

1722
01:09:55.649 --> 01:09:56.817
I thought you'd be proud.

1723
01:09:56.817 --> 01:09:59.612
- Wait, you got an offer to pose

1724
01:09:59.612 --> 01:10:01.614
for the "Girls of
Curvees" calendar?

1725
01:10:01.614 --> 01:10:02.948
- Of course she did.

1726
01:10:02.948 --> 01:10:04.283
- But you're pregnant!

1727
01:10:04.283 --> 01:10:05.784
- I won't always be.

1728
01:10:05.784 --> 01:10:06.869
- You look too young.

1729
01:10:06.869 --> 01:10:07.953
- That's a bad thing?

1730
01:10:08.954 --> 01:10:11.040
I am proud of you, honey.

1731
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:13.292
- I can't believe you
both got asked to pose.

1732
01:10:15.628 --> 01:10:18.339
- What girl doesn't like
to have her picture taken?

1733
01:10:18.339 --> 01:10:21.008
It's natural to want
to feel beautiful.

1734
01:10:21.008 --> 01:10:22.301
But Candy was too smart

1735
01:10:22.301 --> 01:10:24.470
to let anyone take
advantage of her.

1736
01:10:28.891 --> 01:10:31.143
(knocking)

1737
01:10:33.145 --> 01:10:34.647
- Miss Waterman?

1738
01:10:34.647 --> 01:10:36.857
- How do you do, Mr. Weems?

1739
01:10:36.857 --> 01:10:38.901
(laughs)

1740
01:10:38.901 --> 01:10:41.987
Oh, I was told the company
was okay with my pregnancy.

1741
01:10:41.987 --> 01:10:43.364
- Uh.

1742
01:10:43.364 --> 01:10:45.157
Yeah. As long as you get
back to that nice trim figure

1743
01:10:45.157 --> 01:10:46.992
we saw in your test photos.

1744
01:10:46.992 --> 01:10:47.826
- Of course.

1745
01:10:51.580 --> 01:10:54.416
- So, have you
signed the agreement?

1746
01:10:54.416 --> 01:10:56.877
- I'm curious about
the word repurposing.

1747
01:10:56.877 --> 01:10:58.837
- Oh, that's just
a technical term.

1748
01:10:58.837 --> 01:11:00.756
Nothing to worry about.

1749
01:11:00.756 --> 01:11:03.592
- This agreement would allow
the company to reuse my photos?

1750
01:11:03.592 --> 01:11:07.012
- Well, yes, but we
almost never do that.

1751
01:11:07.012 --> 01:11:10.224
Our customers prefer
fresh girls each year.

1752
01:11:11.183 --> 01:11:12.685
- I understand you also put out

1753
01:11:12.685 --> 01:11:14.353
Wild Animals magazine, right?

1754
01:11:14.353 --> 01:11:15.521
- Yes.

1755
01:11:15.521 --> 01:11:18.440
- So my photos could
end up in Wild Animals?

1756
01:11:18.440 --> 01:11:21.277
(laughs)

1757
01:11:21.277 --> 01:11:24.530
- Wild Animals fans
prefer nude models.

1758
01:11:24.530 --> 01:11:26.365
- Do you ever retouch photos?

1759
01:11:26.365 --> 01:11:27.574
- Yes, of course.

1760
01:11:27.574 --> 01:11:30.619
If perfection is within
reach, why not read it?

1761
01:11:30.619 --> 01:11:33.747
- So my face could end up
on the body of a naked girl?

1762
01:11:33.747 --> 01:11:37.876
- Yes, but Miss Waterman,
it would be much cheaper

1763
01:11:37.876 --> 01:11:41.547
to hire a nude model than
to retouch it on a computer.

1764
01:11:41.547 --> 01:11:44.049
- Unless the girl the
fans like got popular

1765
01:11:44.049 --> 01:11:46.218
and more expensive than
when she first posts.

1766
01:11:46.218 --> 01:11:47.886
- Mm Hmm.

1767
01:11:47.886 --> 01:11:50.055
That's a little presumptuous.

1768
01:11:50.055 --> 01:11:51.724
- Now, on page two,

1769
01:11:51.724 --> 01:11:54.310
there were a couple of terms
that were a little vague.

1770
01:11:58.230 --> 01:12:00.316
Well, I didn't actually
go through with it.

1771
01:12:00.316 --> 01:12:01.567
- Why didn't you?

1772
01:12:01.567 --> 01:12:04.611
- I read the contract.
Way too exploitive.

1773
01:12:04.611 --> 01:12:08.157
- Yes. You'd be exploited
as a sex object.

1774
01:12:08.157 --> 01:12:10.409
- No, I'd be
exploited as a fool.

1775
01:12:10.409 --> 01:12:12.494
For starters, they'd be
able to use my picture

1776
01:12:12.494 --> 01:12:14.830
over and over again
for a one-time fee.

1777
01:12:14.830 --> 01:12:16.248
- What more do you want?

1778
01:12:16.248 --> 01:12:17.666
- Residuals.

1779
01:12:17.666 --> 01:12:20.336
Additional payments for
repurposing in other media.

1780
01:12:20.336 --> 01:12:22.755
Restrictions on
alterations and retouching.

1781
01:12:22.755 --> 01:12:24.631
Throughout the
universe in perpetuity.

1782
01:12:24.631 --> 01:12:26.008
And 10 free copies.

1783
01:12:27.092 --> 01:12:28.927
- You know all those big words?

1784
01:12:28.927 --> 01:12:31.430
- With that contract
they'd be able to use me

1785
01:12:31.430 --> 01:12:34.183
in a video, on the
internet, even slap my face

1786
01:12:34.183 --> 01:12:36.602
on some other girl's
body for one low fee.

1787
01:12:36.602 --> 01:12:39.980
- Wow. I hardly
read my contract.

1788
01:12:39.980 --> 01:12:42.858
- You're both such hypocrites.

1789
01:12:42.858 --> 01:12:45.027
All your talk about feminism

1790
01:12:45.027 --> 01:12:47.029
and all your crap
you heaped on me

1791
01:12:47.029 --> 01:12:49.531
because I'm supposedly
promiscuous.

1792
01:12:49.531 --> 01:12:52.201
- [Both] You are promiscuous.

1793
01:12:52.201 --> 01:12:54.286
- Both of you would sell
your looks for money.

1794
01:12:54.286 --> 01:12:55.621
- I said no to the calendar.

1795
01:12:55.621 --> 01:12:57.623
- That's because it
didn't pay you enough,

1796
01:12:57.623 --> 01:13:00.000
not because you
thought it was wrong.

1797
01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:01.794
- Not paying enough is wrong.

1798
01:13:03.670 --> 01:13:05.506
But they were so impressed

1799
01:13:05.506 --> 01:13:07.633
with my reasons for
not doing the calendar.

1800
01:13:07.633 --> 01:13:10.344
And they offered me a
job in Curvees corporate

1801
01:13:10.344 --> 01:13:12.638
as a legal secretary.

1802
01:13:12.638 --> 01:13:14.640
- That's fantastic.

1803
01:13:14.640 --> 01:13:15.808
When do you start?

1804
01:13:15.808 --> 01:13:17.476
- A month after this one's born.

1805
01:13:18.477 --> 01:13:20.729
- I used to look up to you guys.

1806
01:13:20.729 --> 01:13:24.316
- Last time we saw
you, you insulted us.

1807
01:13:24.316 --> 01:13:26.235
- It was a compliment.

1808
01:13:26.235 --> 01:13:27.986
- Shouldn't
complements feel good?

1809
01:13:29.154 --> 01:13:30.489
- Don't worry.

1810
01:13:30.489 --> 01:13:33.492
Both of you have been terribly
busy proving me wrong.

1811
01:13:33.492 --> 01:13:36.370
- So now I'm not even
one-third of the perfect woman?

1812
01:13:36.370 --> 01:13:37.996
- No, I didn't mean that-

1813
01:13:37.996 --> 01:13:41.500
- First of all, disparate
means dissimilar.

1814
01:13:41.500 --> 01:13:43.836
If we were desperate, we would
have used the word desperate,

1815
01:13:43.836 --> 01:13:45.879
but we used the word disparate.

1816
01:13:45.879 --> 01:13:47.339
- Candy, she's showing off.

1817
01:13:47.339 --> 01:13:49.842
- Second of all, if we
wanted to invite you tonight,

1818
01:13:49.842 --> 01:13:50.676
we would have.

1819
01:13:50.676 --> 01:13:53.178
We tried to un-invite.

1820
01:13:53.178 --> 01:13:54.888
- You you're making
her feel awful.

1821
01:13:55.848 --> 01:13:57.182
- You were right.

1822
01:13:57.182 --> 01:13:58.517
You're Miss Beauty.

1823
01:13:58.517 --> 01:13:59.852
I'm Miss Brains.

1824
01:13:59.852 --> 01:14:02.354
And she's Miss Personality.

1825
01:14:02.354 --> 01:14:03.772
We spent the last six months

1826
01:14:03.772 --> 01:14:05.858
trying to prove you wrong,
Jess, but we couldn't.

1827
01:14:07.067 --> 01:14:08.694
- I wasn't trying
to prove anything.

1828
01:14:08.694 --> 01:14:09.862
- Oh, come on.

1829
01:14:09.862 --> 01:14:12.072
Being in a calendar? You?

1830
01:14:12.072 --> 01:14:14.867
And posing nude. Me?

1831
01:14:14.867 --> 01:14:16.535
- I thought you enjoyed it.

1832
01:14:16.535 --> 01:14:19.246
- I did, but it's not me.

1833
01:14:19.246 --> 01:14:21.123
You see how I dress.

1834
01:14:21.123 --> 01:14:24.126
I mean, you're
bouncy-perky-creative,

1835
01:14:24.126 --> 01:14:26.211
and you have
scratch-and-sniff wallpaper.

1836
01:14:28.547 --> 01:14:29.965
And now you're
trying to say that

1837
01:14:29.965 --> 01:14:32.259
we don't have brains
or personality either.

1838
01:14:32.259 --> 01:14:33.760
- No, that's-

1839
01:14:33.760 --> 01:14:37.431
- I admitted, Jessica, that
you have more personality

1840
01:14:37.431 --> 01:14:39.057
than the two of us put together

1841
01:14:39.057 --> 01:14:41.894
because only a strong
personality could
upset me this much.

1842
01:14:44.062 --> 01:14:46.565
So you're two-thirds
the perfect woman.

1843
01:14:46.565 --> 01:14:47.941
Satisfied?

1844
01:14:47.941 --> 01:14:49.610
- I was trying to
say that both of you

1845
01:14:49.610 --> 01:14:51.653
are perfect women
all on your own.

1846
01:14:53.071 --> 01:14:56.283
Either of you has all the
beauty, brains and personality

1847
01:14:56.283 --> 01:14:58.076
that anyone could ever want.

1848
01:14:59.411 --> 01:15:00.245
- But what about-

1849
01:15:00.245 --> 01:15:01.413
- Let her finish.

1850
01:15:02.581 --> 01:15:06.585
- Candy, look at you
with, with your contract

1851
01:15:06.585 --> 01:15:08.587
and your fancy smart new job.

1852
01:15:09.671 --> 01:15:12.925
If anyone deserves a
PhD in brains, it's you.

1853
01:15:12.925 --> 01:15:15.135
And they wanted you
in their calendar.

1854
01:15:18.430 --> 01:15:19.264
Lynnie,

1855
01:15:22.267 --> 01:15:24.269
you've got to have an
amazing personality

1856
01:15:24.269 --> 01:15:26.188
to be as interesting as you are.

1857
01:15:27.523 --> 01:15:29.107
It's not just brains either.

1858
01:15:29.107 --> 01:15:30.943
I know because I've
dated some brainy guys

1859
01:15:30.943 --> 01:15:32.444
and they've been really boring.

1860
01:15:34.112 --> 01:15:36.949
And your little camera
tryst with my fiance,

1861
01:15:38.617 --> 01:15:40.536
he obviously thought
you were a beauty.

1862
01:15:41.954 --> 01:15:43.205
- He's crazy about you.

1863
01:15:44.623 --> 01:15:48.001
- Look, I'm a good fuck.

1864
01:15:48.001 --> 01:15:49.628
I know that.

1865
01:15:49.628 --> 01:15:51.547
But when the sex
with me is over,

1866
01:15:51.547 --> 01:15:52.631
what do you have left?

1867
01:15:52.631 --> 01:15:53.507
My personality?

1868
01:15:53.507 --> 01:15:54.633
That's a laugh.

1869
01:15:54.633 --> 01:15:56.635
- You have a
wonderful personality.

1870
01:15:56.635 --> 01:15:58.971
- I have no personality.

1871
01:15:58.971 --> 01:16:00.138
I never say the right thing.

1872
01:16:00.138 --> 01:16:01.848
I never knew the
right thing to say.

1873
01:16:01.848 --> 01:16:04.351
If I walk into a room
and there's no men in it,

1874
01:16:04.351 --> 01:16:05.644
I don't know what to do.

1875
01:16:06.728 --> 01:16:08.146
I have no brains either.

1876
01:16:10.232 --> 01:16:13.151
I work for a company and I
don't even know what we do

1877
01:16:13.151 --> 01:16:15.821
or make or sell or whatever.

1878
01:16:15.821 --> 01:16:17.406
- They hired you
because you're classy

1879
01:16:17.406 --> 01:16:18.991
and you make the
company look good.

1880
01:16:18.991 --> 01:16:20.701
And I agree.

1881
01:16:21.868 --> 01:16:24.329
- Both of you beat
me at looking good.

1882
01:16:25.706 --> 01:16:28.542
The one thing where I
thought I had the advantage.

1883
01:16:28.542 --> 01:16:31.503
- You do have the advantage.

1884
01:16:31.503 --> 01:16:33.005
You're absolutely stunning.

1885
01:16:34.673 --> 01:16:37.009
- Okay. So I'm
one-third a woman.

1886
01:16:37.009 --> 01:16:39.344
- Jess, nobody's
trying to beat you.

1887
01:16:39.344 --> 01:16:41.179
- At least not consciously.

1888
01:16:41.179 --> 01:16:42.598
- You want to be smart.

1889
01:16:42.598 --> 01:16:46.018
You go get a PhD
or read a contract.

1890
01:16:46.893 --> 01:16:47.853
You want to be pretty.

1891
01:16:47.853 --> 01:16:49.688
You get in front of a camera.

1892
01:16:51.523 --> 01:16:54.359
Either of you can be
whatever you choose to be.

1893
01:16:54.359 --> 01:16:55.277
- Then why haven't I-

1894
01:16:55.277 --> 01:16:57.571
- Because you don't want to.

1895
01:16:57.571 --> 01:16:59.531
You don't choose to.

1896
01:16:59.531 --> 01:17:01.742
You could walk into a
party and snap your fingers

1897
01:17:01.742 --> 01:17:04.202
and five guys would
instantly lineup.

1898
01:17:04.202 --> 01:17:06.580
Three years of celibacy
was your choice

1899
01:17:06.580 --> 01:17:09.124
no matter how much you
bitched and moaned about it.

1900
01:17:10.709 --> 01:17:13.795
And you, you could have
snapped your fingers

1901
01:17:13.795 --> 01:17:17.090
and 10 guys would have lined
up to be that baby's father

1902
01:17:17.090 --> 01:17:21.887
but you're doing it on your
own because you're incredible.

1903
01:17:23.430 --> 01:17:26.058
- How come she got 10
guys and I only got five?

1904
01:17:27.392 --> 01:17:28.894
- Do you even like
hanging out with me?

1905
01:17:28.894 --> 01:17:31.229
Like, do you like
going clubbing?

1906
01:17:31.229 --> 01:17:32.648
- Sure.

1907
01:17:32.648 --> 01:17:35.609
- I love squeezing into a
throbbing mass of sweaty bodies.

1908
01:17:35.609 --> 01:17:38.320
Obscenely bright lights
drilling into my skull.

1909
01:17:38.320 --> 01:17:40.072
Music so loud I can smell it.

1910
01:17:40.072 --> 01:17:42.157
Filthy predators
armed with roofies

1911
01:17:42.157 --> 01:17:43.283
trying to get in my pants.

1912
01:17:43.283 --> 01:17:44.242
- See.

1913
01:17:44.242 --> 01:17:45.077
We love it.

1914
01:17:48.330 --> 01:17:51.124
- I sat in my car for an hour

1915
01:17:51.124 --> 01:17:53.001
hoping that one
of you would call.

1916
01:17:54.419 --> 01:17:56.421
I knew tonight was
our monthly thing.

1917
01:17:56.421 --> 01:17:57.255
- We did call.

1918
01:17:57.255 --> 01:17:58.590
Why didn't you answer?

1919
01:17:59.675 --> 01:18:01.259
- I was afraid I
would get emotional

1920
01:18:01.259 --> 01:18:03.095
and make a fool of myself.

1921
01:18:04.012 --> 01:18:05.097
Too late.

1922
01:18:05.097 --> 01:18:06.431
- Why didn't you call us?

1923
01:18:07.432 --> 01:18:09.351
- I was embarrassed.

1924
01:18:09.351 --> 01:18:12.437
(slow music begins)

1925
01:18:12.437 --> 01:18:13.689
- Should we eat?

1926
01:18:16.024 --> 01:18:17.192
- You guys go ahead.

1927
01:18:17.192 --> 01:18:19.444
I can't imagine
there's enough for me.

1928
01:18:19.444 --> 01:18:20.654
- Oh yes there is.

1929
01:18:21.780 --> 01:18:25.158
- Jess, do you I
really want to become

1930
01:18:25.158 --> 01:18:27.452
Miss Brains or Miss Personality?

1931
01:18:28.495 --> 01:18:29.788
- Of course not.

1932
01:18:29.788 --> 01:18:32.624
But you two make me
feel like I should.

1933
01:18:32.624 --> 01:18:33.959
You're always growing.

1934
01:18:35.794 --> 01:18:38.880
I said what I said
about the three of us

1935
01:18:38.880 --> 01:18:41.967
because it gave me a
place alongside you two.

1936
01:18:41.967 --> 01:18:43.135
Something to be good at.

1937
01:18:44.469 --> 01:18:45.637
Being pretty.

1938
01:18:46.972 --> 01:18:49.057
- You do get this cool
effect with your eyeshadow

1939
01:18:49.057 --> 01:18:50.684
that I'm dying to
have you teach me.

1940
01:18:50.684 --> 01:18:51.977
- You see, that's the problem.

1941
01:18:51.977 --> 01:18:54.146
Soon you're going to be
the eye shadow expert.

1942
01:18:54.980 --> 01:18:56.481
It's six months later

1943
01:18:56.481 --> 01:18:59.025
and both of you are better
at being pretty than me.

1944
01:18:59.025 --> 01:19:02.988
But I'm no smarter and
probably even less likable.

1945
01:19:04.489 --> 01:19:07.492
I'm about to marry a good
man who I don't even deserve.

1946
01:19:08.660 --> 01:19:10.537
He's, like, honest and
keeps his promises.

1947
01:19:10.537 --> 01:19:12.038
Who does it?

1948
01:19:12.038 --> 01:19:15.208
- Lynnie and I couldn't stop
thinking about you all evening.

1949
01:19:15.208 --> 01:19:17.085
- We really missed you, Jess.

1950
01:19:17.085 --> 01:19:20.213
- No, you two deserve
better than me.

1951
01:19:21.173 --> 01:19:23.008
So does Ron.

1952
01:19:23.008 --> 01:19:25.177
- You don't have to grow

1953
01:19:25.177 --> 01:19:26.261
if you don't want to.

1954
01:19:27.679 --> 01:19:29.014
- Really?

1955
01:19:29.014 --> 01:19:30.348
- Of course not.

1956
01:19:31.516 --> 01:19:33.018
- I'm no good at it.

1957
01:19:33.018 --> 01:19:36.521
- Then don't grow, sweetie.
Stay this way forever.

1958
01:19:38.607 --> 01:19:40.108
- I have no bridesmaids.

1959
01:19:41.526 --> 01:19:44.279
- Actually, you've got two.

1960
01:19:44.279 --> 01:19:47.699
(lively music continues)

1961
01:19:50.744 --> 01:19:53.705
- Candy, this place
looks very safe.

1962
01:19:53.705 --> 01:19:55.540
- Yep. Totally baby-proof.

1963
01:19:56.917 --> 01:19:58.960
- I was really rooting for
you to find a dude, you know.

1964
01:19:58.960 --> 01:20:00.545
To help.

1965
01:20:00.545 --> 01:20:01.797
- I was too.

1966
01:20:01.797 --> 01:20:03.715
It seems just like
a really big thing

1967
01:20:03.715 --> 01:20:04.800
to take on by yourself.

1968
01:20:05.717 --> 01:20:06.927
- Are you kidding?

1969
01:20:06.927 --> 01:20:08.762
Beanie and I are going
to have so much fun.

1970
01:20:08.762 --> 01:20:11.389
- What if your kid
doesn't like you?

1971
01:20:11.389 --> 01:20:14.059
- Then she's just going
to have to withstand

1972
01:20:14.059 --> 01:20:16.311
my relentless torrent of love.

1973
01:20:16.311 --> 01:20:17.145
Poor thing.

1974
01:20:18.772 --> 01:20:21.233
- I wish you were my mother.

1975
01:20:21.233 --> 01:20:22.067
Oh!

1976
01:20:24.236 --> 01:20:26.321
I vote for dessert
before dinner.

1977
01:20:26.321 --> 01:20:27.948
Dessert before anything.

1978
01:20:31.243 --> 01:20:33.245
We're out of control.

1979
01:20:33.245 --> 01:20:35.831
- That's the best idea
I've heard all night.

1980
01:20:35.831 --> 01:20:37.415
- Oh, should we take
our monthly photo

1981
01:20:37.415 --> 01:20:38.792
before or after dinner?

1982
01:20:38.792 --> 01:20:41.002
- We'll skinnier before we eat.

1983
01:20:41.002 --> 01:20:42.420
- Actually,

1984
01:20:42.420 --> 01:20:45.507
you guys, I think I'm about
to get a lot skinnier.

1985
01:20:45.507 --> 01:20:47.509
- You invented a new diet?

1986
01:20:47.509 --> 01:20:48.343
Oh my God.

1987
01:20:48.343 --> 01:20:50.262
She invents diets now.

1988
01:20:50.262 --> 01:20:52.430
- Can someone drive
me to the hospital?

1989
01:20:52.430 --> 01:20:53.265
- Now?

1990
01:20:53.265 --> 01:20:54.474
But we're about to eat.

1991
01:20:55.308 --> 01:20:56.351
- Oh my God!

1992
01:20:56.351 --> 01:20:57.811
You're in labor!

1993
01:20:57.811 --> 01:20:58.937
- She's not in labor, silly.

1994
01:20:58.937 --> 01:21:00.605
She's just going to have a baby.

1995
01:21:03.108 --> 01:21:04.442
Oh my God.

1996
01:21:04.442 --> 01:21:05.819
You're going to have a baby.

1997
01:21:07.445 --> 01:21:08.363
- Call St. Joe's Hospital

1998
01:21:08.363 --> 01:21:09.447
and let them know I'm on my way.

1999
01:21:09.447 --> 01:21:10.615
Dr. Julia Ditman.

2000
01:21:10.615 --> 01:21:11.700
- Okay. Okay.

2001
01:21:12.784 --> 01:21:14.286
(laughs)

2002
01:21:14.286 --> 01:21:15.704
- Oh.

2003
01:21:15.704 --> 01:21:16.955
- Hello?

2004
01:21:16.955 --> 01:21:18.707
I need the number for
the, for the hospital.

2005
01:21:20.125 --> 01:21:21.334
I, I don't know.

2006
01:21:21.334 --> 01:21:22.836
The St. One!

2007
01:21:22.836 --> 01:21:24.462
Candy, which city is this?

2008
01:21:24.462 --> 01:21:27.632
- St. Joseph hospital
in Santa Monica.

2009
01:21:27.632 --> 01:21:28.633
- Did you hear that?

2010
01:21:29.801 --> 01:21:31.469
Hello, hospital?

2011
01:21:31.469 --> 01:21:32.971
Hi.

2012
01:21:32.971 --> 01:21:34.890
Okay. My friend is like having
a baby literally right now

2013
01:21:34.890 --> 01:21:36.892
and she's totally freaking out.

2014
01:21:36.892 --> 01:21:39.060
She's afraid she's going
to be a bad mother.

2015
01:21:41.229 --> 01:21:43.315
What kind of a question is that?

2016
01:21:43.315 --> 01:21:45.150
Candy, what's your name?

2017
01:21:45.150 --> 01:21:46.902
- Candace Waterman.

2018
01:21:46.902 --> 01:21:48.153
- Candice Watery.

2019
01:21:48.153 --> 01:21:50.071
I think she's with Dr. Ditz.

2020
01:21:50.071 --> 01:21:51.907
- Are you sure you
don't want an epidural?

2021
01:21:51.907 --> 01:21:53.491
- No, no anesthetics.

2022
01:21:53.491 --> 01:21:56.244
- She doesn't want an
epidermis. Or an appendix

2023
01:21:56.244 --> 01:21:58.163
- Okay. I maybe
should take this call.

2024
01:21:58.163 --> 01:21:59.372
- No, no no.

2025
01:21:59.372 --> 01:22:00.582
Please just let me use
my charm and niceness

2026
01:22:00.582 --> 01:22:02.334
to make this go
good. Just for once.

2027
01:22:03.501 --> 01:22:05.879
- Okay. But just let
her do it, but hurry.

2028
01:22:08.089 --> 01:22:09.507
- Okay. We're going to
be there in 10 minutes.

2029
01:22:09.507 --> 01:22:11.843
And if Candy doesn't
have a fancy room

2030
01:22:11.843 --> 01:22:13.219
I'm kicking asses.

2031
01:22:14.387 --> 01:22:16.556
No, no father. She
was ingratiated.

2032
01:22:16.556 --> 01:22:18.516
- I'm going to get
the hospital bag.

2033
01:22:18.516 --> 01:22:20.435
- I'll get the keys
and start the car.

2034
01:22:20.435 --> 01:22:21.686
But hurry.

2035
01:22:21.686 --> 01:22:23.229
Or I'm going to have
Beanie in the backseat.

2036
01:22:24.856 --> 01:22:27.025
- No, no. I want a room upgrade

2037
01:22:27.025 --> 01:22:28.693
to the nicest one you have.

2038
01:22:28.693 --> 01:22:30.779
Just charge it to
my credit card.

2039
01:22:30.779 --> 01:22:32.781
And fill the room with flowers.

2040
01:22:32.781 --> 01:22:34.032
Fill it.

2041
01:22:34.032 --> 01:22:36.242
And charge that to my card too.

2042
01:22:36.242 --> 01:22:38.536
This is our first and I
want it to be perfect.

2043
01:22:40.705 --> 01:22:44.709
Okay. You guys let's
go make a baby.

2044
01:22:46.378 --> 01:22:47.420
You know what I meant.

2045
01:22:48.964 --> 01:22:50.215
(sighs)

2046
01:22:50.215 --> 01:22:51.383
Aw!

2047
01:22:51.383 --> 01:22:52.217
- Oh, oh.

2048
01:22:53.551 --> 01:22:54.302
- Right.

2049
01:23:01.393 --> 01:23:03.812
- Do you remember when
the three were younger?

2050
01:23:03.812 --> 01:23:05.563
Did you ever wonder what
brought them together

2051
01:23:05.563 --> 01:23:07.065
in the first place?

2052
01:23:07.065 --> 01:23:08.066
I'll give you a hint.

2053
01:23:08.066 --> 01:23:09.818
It tastes really good.

2054
01:23:14.614 --> 01:23:17.075
(bell chimes)

2055
01:23:17.075 --> 01:23:20.286
(slow music continues)

2056
01:23:22.414 --> 01:23:23.581
- Can I have cake?

2057
01:23:23.581 --> 01:23:25.583
- Sure. What kind?

2058
01:23:25.583 --> 01:23:26.418
- Devil Food.

2059
01:23:27.752 --> 01:23:30.338
- Welcome to LA Province
Bakery. What can I get you?

2060
01:23:31.256 --> 01:23:32.090
- Devil Food.

2061
01:23:33.091 --> 01:23:34.426
- We have country veggie puree,

2062
01:23:34.426 --> 01:23:35.802
vegetarian French onion soup,

2063
01:23:35.802 --> 01:23:37.303
Turkey chili Fergil,

2064
01:23:37.303 --> 01:23:38.346
we have stretched (mumbles).

2065
01:23:38.346 --> 01:23:39.472
Just Devil's Food cake?

2066
01:23:42.267 --> 01:23:44.019
- Is Devil Food
your favorite too?

2067
01:23:47.272 --> 01:23:49.357
You don't look like
you like it very much.

2068
01:23:50.692 --> 01:23:51.943
- I love the cake.

2069
01:23:51.943 --> 01:23:54.320
It's just everything
else about today.

2070
01:23:55.155 --> 01:23:57.657
(bell chimes)

2071
01:24:01.286 --> 01:24:05.457
- Welcome to LA Province
Bakery. What can I get you?

2072
01:24:05.457 --> 01:24:07.333
- A slice of Devil's Food. Cake.

2073
01:24:10.295 --> 01:24:11.796
- Is that your favorite too?

2074
01:24:13.798 --> 01:24:14.799
- It's the best.

2075
01:24:15.800 --> 01:24:17.135
- It's her favorite too.

2076
01:24:20.221 --> 01:24:22.515
- [Jessica] Then you
must be very smart.

2077
01:24:22.515 --> 01:24:24.684
- I'm too smart to
be fun, I guess.

2078
01:24:25.894 --> 01:24:26.811
- I'm Lynette.

2079
01:24:26.811 --> 01:24:28.354
- I'm Jessica.

2080
01:24:28.354 --> 01:24:30.690
I'm too pretty to
quit The Nutcracker.

2081
01:24:30.690 --> 01:24:31.900
- I'm Candy.

2082
01:24:31.900 --> 01:24:33.651
But everyone calls me Sunshine.

2083
01:24:34.486 --> 01:24:35.820
I'm too sweet.

2084
01:24:35.820 --> 01:24:37.822
(giggling)

2085
01:24:37.822 --> 01:24:39.824
- Here is Devil
Food cake for you.

2086
01:24:39.824 --> 01:24:42.327
And surprise, more
Devil Food cake.

2087
01:24:42.327 --> 01:24:45.163
Napkin. Please don't make mess.

2088
01:24:45.163 --> 01:24:47.540
This is not school cafeteria.

2089
01:24:51.002 --> 01:24:54.172
- I'm cheering my mom up
because Grammy just died.

2090
01:24:54.172 --> 01:24:56.508
- We don't tell
strangers our business.

2091
01:24:56.508 --> 01:24:58.009
- They aren't strangers, mommy.

2092
01:24:58.843 --> 01:24:59.844
They're my friends.

2093
01:25:04.099 --> 01:25:06.101
- Of course they are, Sunshine.

2094
01:25:06.101 --> 01:25:09.354
(soft music continues)

2095
01:25:12.107 --> 01:25:13.858
- And now, enter me.

2096
01:25:13.858 --> 01:25:16.861
Yes, I'm Maddy. Or Beanie.

2097
01:25:16.861 --> 01:25:18.905
Or the test tube baby.

2098
01:25:18.905 --> 01:25:19.739
Whatever.

2099
01:25:24.369 --> 01:25:25.870
I was born that night,

2100
01:25:25.870 --> 01:25:28.706
thus ending one of the most
painful arguments in history:

2101
01:25:28.706 --> 01:25:30.542
Who is the most beautiful?

2102
01:25:30.542 --> 01:25:32.627
Because once I came along,

2103
01:25:32.627 --> 01:25:35.296
all three of my moms;
well, my mom, Candy,

2104
01:25:35.296 --> 01:25:37.132
and my two aunts,
Jessica and Lynette,

2105
01:25:37.132 --> 01:25:39.092
could suddenly
agree on the answer.

2106
01:25:39.092 --> 01:25:40.635
I am the most beautiful of all.

2107
01:25:41.719 --> 01:25:43.221
I think they're silly.

2108
01:25:43.221 --> 01:25:46.558
And they've been squeezing
me to pieces ever since then.

2109
01:25:46.558 --> 01:25:49.435
The thing is, all four
of us have beauty,

2110
01:25:49.435 --> 01:25:52.897
brains, personality,
and much, much more

2111
01:25:52.897 --> 01:25:56.109
because every person can be
whatever she chooses to be.

2112
01:25:56.109 --> 01:25:56.943
(doorbell rings)

2113
01:25:56.943 --> 01:25:57.902
(knocking)

2114
01:25:57.902 --> 01:25:58.903
- [Woman 1] Hello.

2115
01:25:58.903 --> 01:26:00.905
- [Woman 2] Hey, we're starving.

2116
01:26:00.905 --> 01:26:02.949
- And now if you'll, excuse me.

2117
01:26:02.949 --> 01:26:05.577
I have a dinner party
of my own to host,

2118
01:26:05.577 --> 01:26:06.786
for my two best friends

2119
01:26:06.786 --> 01:26:09.289
- [Woman 1] Open up. I'm
about to drop this cake.

2120
01:26:09.289 --> 01:26:11.583
- Hey, why let a great
tradition go to waste?

2121
01:26:16.504 --> 01:26:19.674
(gentle music begins)

2122
01:28:15.039 --> 01:28:18.209
(lively music begins)