1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:16,016 [***] 4 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:30,631 [audience applauds and cheers] 5 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,902 [John Denver] Thank you. 6 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:38,072 I have one more for you, called "I Want To Live." 7 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:41,142 But first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 8 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,943 who's going to share a few words. 9 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,578 Treya Wilber. 10 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:51,119 [audience applauds and cheers] 11 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,120 [Treya] Thank you. 12 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:52,820 [John Denver] Yeah. 13 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,935 [Treya] Hello. 14 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,904 My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 15 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,007 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 16 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:19,147 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 17 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,816 Five years ago, in August of '83, 18 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,620 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 19 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:30,291 I always used to call it love at first touch. 20 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:40,334 [***] 21 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,903 [Treya] [voice-over] "Dear Friends, 22 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,807 Remember those lists I used to make... 23 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:51,345 my wish list for the perfect man? 24 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,681 Well, at 36, I certainly didn't think 25 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,818 that man could still happen to me. 26 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,889 Yep, love, I've finally found him. 27 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,925 His name is Ken Wilber. 28 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,660 Maybe you've heard of him. 29 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:10,198 He's revered as "the Einstein of Consciousness." 30 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,600 At the CAL Institute for Psychological Studies 31 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:19,139 was where I first read this Mr. Wilber's work. 32 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,642 I didn't think much of this until a few weeks later 33 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,844 when Frances called to invite me to dinner with Ken 34 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,247 at her and Roger's home. 35 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,849 [Ken] It needs to be explored and maybe you'll find that answer. 36 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,819 [Frances] Uh, we're trying to have kids, 37 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,321 but it's not working. 38 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,322 [Treya] [voice-over] Ken and I just barely had a chance 39 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,123 to say hello when our two friends 40 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,960 began to bring up some problems in their relationship. 41 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,830 -It's important to differentiate, to understand... 42 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,265 [Treya] [voice-over] Ken was asked to be therapist 43 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,933 for the evening. 44 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,167 [Frances] But it's like there's something stopping... 45 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,202 [Ken] But the love is there. 46 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,970 [Treya] [voice-over] Which was fine, 47 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,839 because it gave me some time to get used to his shaved head. 48 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:58,812 [laughter] 49 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:05,253 [muted conversation] 50 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:08,188 [***] 51 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,715 -So, um, Frances and Roger told me you're like, 52 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,783 the most amazing woman to walk the planet. 53 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:17,057 -[laughs] Please... 54 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:22,963 They say you're amazing too. 55 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:31,339 [laughs] 56 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,308 [***] 57 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,951 [Treya] Well, good night. 58 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,019 [Ken] Bye, and good night. 59 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,522 -Hey, look, um... 60 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,890 I know this sounds strange, 61 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:55,028 but when I hugged you in the kitchen, 62 00:04:55,062 --> 00:05:00,133 I felt like... 63 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,805 I never wanted to let you go. 64 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:05,839 -Yeah. -[chuckles] 65 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:11,379 -Yeah, me too... 66 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,981 Good night. -Good night. 67 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:17,518 [Treya chuckles] 68 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:26,860 [Treya breathes deeply] 69 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:32,366 [***] 70 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,502 -I found her. 71 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,438 [giggles] 72 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:43,210 I've really found her. 73 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,513 [exhales] 74 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,381 [Ken] [voice-over] I noticed a series of subtle 75 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,116 energy currents running through my body 76 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:53,387 like an earnest series... 77 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,589 [Treya] [voice-over] The softness of the air... 78 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,924 [Ken] [voice-over] ...slow energy currents 79 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,493 an energy that lies asleep until aroused by 80 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,895 the right person or event. An energy... 81 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,296 [Treya] [voice-over] Be touched like that. 82 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,332 [Ken] [voice-over] [indistinct] 83 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,035 [Treya] [voice-over] Deep caring, like he touched me. 84 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,503 -...the right person. 85 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,338 -Gentleness. 86 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,441 [Ken] [voice-over] An energy that seemed to radiate from her 87 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,875 in all directions. 88 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,444 [Treya] [voice-over] Willingness to support. 89 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,379 First through his words and what it showed of him... 90 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:22,015 [Ken] [voice-over] An energy of vast intelligence 91 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,283 from the right person... 92 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,186 [Treya] [voice-over] Asking questions. 93 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,857 The depth of his brown eyes, and then an easy melting. 94 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,292 [Ken] [voice-over] Suffused with beauty. 95 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,897 But mostly an energy that was alive. 96 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:43,504 This woman said life more than anyone I had ever known. 97 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:48,041 [Treya] Of truth... 98 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,343 and finding it. 99 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,146 -[giggles] And God, she was alive! 100 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,115 [Treya] [voice-over] The softness. 101 00:06:55,148 --> 00:07:01,021 I trust him more than... as if I already know him. 102 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:10,498 [sighs] 103 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:15,569 [Ken] [voice-over] In case I read this in the future, 104 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,639 just to be clear, 105 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:26,179 Treya and I have not slept together. 106 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,481 We simply put our arms around each other, 107 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:31,218 once in the kitchen, and once shortly after. 108 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:35,989 That was the sum total of our involvement. 109 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:39,927 Though I certainly sense there is more to come. 110 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,961 [Treya] [voice-over] I became obsessed 111 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,663 with the thought of Ken... 112 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,490 [chuckles] I'll take all these. 113 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,260 I-I'm just checking them out for some friends. 114 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,629 -Hm. 115 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,498 [Ken] So, then I got a job as a dishwasher, 116 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:22,102 earning 350 dollars a month and sending 100 of that 117 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:26,707 to Sam at Shambhala Publications for mail order books. 118 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,678 And I wrote that book. 119 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:35,315 The Spectrum of Consciousness , I loved it. 120 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,584 [inhales deeply] 121 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:40,688 And then five more books in five years. Right? 122 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,322 -Have you been stalking me? 123 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,191 -Yeah. I'm looking for a good dishwasher. 124 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,459 [both chuckle] 125 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,728 -Yeah. I bus tables too, ya know. 126 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:55,703 -Oh, yeah? [chuckles] 127 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,738 [Ken laughs] 128 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:02,442 -What's something that no one probably knows about you? 129 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:08,115 -I wrote out all of Alan Watts' books by hand. 130 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,284 -All right, that's pretty exhausting. 131 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,521 I don't think anybody needs to know that. 132 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:21,194 -So why are you a psychologist? 133 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,796 -I think growing up, I never had a place 134 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:26,233 to put my thoughts and feelings. 135 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,201 My parents are wonderful. 136 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,205 I'd say they're just [inhales] highly conventional. 137 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,608 -Mm. The old guard? 138 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,645 -They did well in oil and investments. 139 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:41,114 And I think it's just reflective of the social circles 140 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,415 they're in as well. 141 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:49,356 [inhales deeply] But they love me enormously. 142 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,658 Anyhow, it makes it 143 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,425 so that I can afford to date authors, you know. 144 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,062 -[chuckles] Well, that's okay. 145 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,397 You know, I'm a great dishwasher, 146 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,932 and I sell a few books. 147 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:14,281 [***] 148 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,785 Has anything like this ever happened to you? 149 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,553 -No. 150 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:23,824 Nothing like this. 151 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,694 How about you? 152 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:33,333 -Never, not like this. 153 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,403 -[glass breaks] -Oh, god. [laughing] 154 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,438 -It's bigger than the two of us, pilgrim. 155 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,473 [Treya laughing] 156 00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,524 [***] 157 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,841 [all laughing] 158 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,444 -So you've only known him a few weeks, Treya! 159 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,880 -And you've never raved about a guy, like ever. 160 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:23,683 -Mm-hm. And you have not dated a boy in over two years. 161 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:29,622 -I know. I know. He's, he's amazing. 162 00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:32,760 He's just so lovable. 163 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:37,697 -So you think you might get, you know, you might? 164 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:38,799 You better. 165 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:43,570 -I think well...yes! We will get married. 166 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,673 [laughing] 167 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,209 -Oh, my god. Finally! 168 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,344 [Treya inhales and exhales deeply] 169 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,913 -I haven't heard you say that word 170 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,515 since you were three years old when you used to play dress up. 171 00:11:55,548 --> 00:12:03,423 Remember that? [laughs] 172 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,794 -Not only do I approve, 173 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,262 I'm a little worried she's getting shortchanged, pal. 174 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,665 -I know. -[Sam laughs] 175 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:22,709 [***] 176 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:32,652 -So what did you tell Sam about me? 177 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:39,827 -Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam that if she'll have me, 178 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:44,932 that... this is the girl that I'd like to marry. 179 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:48,268 -Of course. 180 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:54,574 I was gonna ask you. 181 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:59,980 [***] 182 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,616 [Sue laughing] 183 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,952 -When I met your daddy, 184 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:09,556 I was so busy with my life, but I knew he was the one. 185 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,291 [Treya chuckles] 186 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,393 -It's all I've ever wanted for you. 187 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,530 So I want you to know, honey: I am here for you, 188 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,034 come rain or come shine. Love you. 189 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:26,539 -Mom. 190 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,807 -Go get your man. 191 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:32,412 [Treya laughs] 192 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:41,688 [***] 193 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,390 -I love you more than life. 194 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,358 [breathes deeply] 195 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,295 I just can't believe it's real. 196 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:55,035 I've known you less than four months. 197 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:59,339 -I've been searching for you for a hundred lifetimes. 198 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:05,312 I've slain a thousand dragons to find you. 199 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,015 I love you to the depths of the ocean, 200 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,417 beyond the height of the mountains, 201 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,419 beyond the heat of the sun... 202 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,388 beyond time... 203 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,492 forever. Forever. 204 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,672 [Treya breathes deeply] 205 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,475 -Let's go get married. 206 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:45,518 [***] 207 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,359 -You know, when I recently opened up 208 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,395 a box of books that Treya sent to me, I thought, 209 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:59,132 "Ah, Treya has discovered my favorite writer." 210 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,834 And then I opened her letter. 211 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,904 "Oh, Treya is marrying my favorite writer." 212 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,640 [crowd laughs and applauds] 213 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,909 -Ken, Treya, you're gathered here today 214 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:13,446 being bound not only as lovers, but as souls 215 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,683 to continually bring out the courageous and beautiful 216 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,851 from inside one another. 217 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:23,090 And here, now, like a bridge joining two lands, 218 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:26,559 we witness the joining of these two souls through love, 219 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,696 entering into a dance from this day forward 220 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:33,733 to unite separateness, to pierce time, 221 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:41,041 and to leap together into eternity. 222 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:46,980 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 223 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:52,519 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 224 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,721 -My wife. 225 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:58,891 -My husband. [chuckles] 226 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:08,935 [crowd clapping] 227 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:17,910 -Please stand. 228 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,612 [***] 229 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:25,485 [thunder rumbling] 230 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:35,528 [***] 231 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,806 -I know, Mom, it's a miracle. 232 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,542 I finish classes, Ken has some final editing, 233 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,579 and then Hawaii. 234 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,646 -Hawaii? 235 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,614 [Treya] Yes, Hawaii. 236 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:55,915 [Sue chuckles] 237 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,949 [Treya] So we'll see you at Christmas. 238 00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,786 -All right. Um, you know, honey... 239 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:03,790 I'm...I'm just not crazy about his writing. 240 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,492 I just opened it, 241 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,994 and there was a picture of somebody humping. 242 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,562 -Mom, Mom, I gotta go. 243 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,697 -But as long as you're happy. 244 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,964 -Okay. Bye, Mom. 245 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,067 -All right. Love you. 246 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:19,106 [Treya] I love you too. 247 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,774 -I guess I said the wrong thing. 248 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:27,214 [***] 249 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,916 [doctor] Okay. 250 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,286 And now I'm gonna examine the left breast. 251 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,896 [voice-over] Now I'm going to do the right. 252 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:08,188 [doctor] Do you know you have a lump in your right breast? 253 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,756 -What? 254 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:14,561 -Well, it's fairly large and hard. 255 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,997 But it's not attached to the muscle and moves easily. 256 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,900 My guess is it's nothing to worry about. 257 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,635 Maybe just a cyst. 258 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,771 -What do you think we should do? 259 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,207 -Why don't we wait a month and see if it changes in size. 260 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,709 It could change with your menstrual cycle. 261 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:30,977 Come back and see me in a month. 262 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,011 [Treya] Okay. 263 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,998 -It's hard, which is bad. 264 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,667 But it's symmetrical and detached, 265 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,870 which is good, so don't worry. 266 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:02,875 Let's get a second opinion. 267 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:07,280 And no, nothing is gonna tear me away from you. 268 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,383 -Nothing. 269 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,652 Good, Mr. Wilber. 270 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,321 I hope not. 271 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,224 [breathes deeply] 272 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,227 I think you're done for tonight. 273 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,228 -[glass thuds] -Bye-bye, book. 274 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:27,099 -Bye-bye, book. -[Ken chuckles] 275 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,736 -If only I could have everything 276 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:33,873 that's inside of this beautiful mind. 277 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:34,907 -If only I could have everything 278 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:43,115 inside this beautiful heart. 279 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:52,759 -All right, ready? 280 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,061 Mm. 281 00:19:55,094 --> 00:20:01,000 It's probably a fibroadenoma, a benign growth. 282 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:05,672 Should definitely have it removed. 283 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,374 -We--we leave for our honeymoon, 284 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,376 and then we're gone for two weeks over Christmas. 285 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,777 Can it wait? 286 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,944 [doctor] Yes, I think so. 287 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,980 No danger in waiting three weeks. 288 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:18,117 Though, I want you to see a surgeon for his opinion. 289 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,986 Um, Dr. Peter Richards. 290 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,154 His office is close to Marin General. 291 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,024 Um, you know, let's give him a call in my office. 292 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,959 He might want to fit you in before the trip. 293 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:27,994 Okay? -Okay. 294 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,762 -Oh, Dr. Peter Richards. 295 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,931 He is wonderful. 296 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:38,004 He did my colon operation 15 years ago at M.D. Anderson. 297 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,105 -He's the Chief of Surgery 298 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,140 at Children's Hospital in San Fran now. 299 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,142 He says it's probably nothing but 300 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,111 just to be safe, he wants to take it out. 301 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,746 Anyhow, I gotta go pack. 302 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,482 -So you have your exam tomorrow and then 303 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,250 you're counseling. Is that right? 304 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,920 -Yes. Dr. Richards will remove the lump 305 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,222 the next day before we fly. 306 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,791 -Oh? All right. 307 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,193 And Ken is taking good care of you? 308 00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,995 -Of course he is, Mom. 309 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,497 -Well, I just... 310 00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,765 -You just what? 311 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,300 -Oh, nothing, honey. I just, uh-- 312 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,336 -Mom, listen. 313 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,037 I know what you think 314 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,273 and not everyone understands or agrees with his books. 315 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,142 But, you know, he's more than 316 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,878 what's just written in those books, okay? 317 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,947 -All right. 318 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,449 -I love you. I've got to go pack. 319 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,916 -I love you. 320 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,485 -Bye. 321 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,220 -Safe flight. 322 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:35,828 [young Treya laughing] 323 00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:39,098 -Honey, are we gonna do that swim across the bay? 324 00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,134 -Is the Pope Catholic? 325 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:43,302 -Uh huh. 326 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,104 -Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? 327 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,407 -[chuckles] Yes. 328 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,175 -Was Jesus a carpenter? 329 00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:53,045 -Does an obnoxious husband think that he's gonna 330 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,516 get me tonight by asking silly questions? 331 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:57,950 -Oh, that's nice. 332 00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,051 -It is nice. 333 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:04,791 -Soft... 334 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,258 So, do you think we're gonna find dolphins 335 00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:08,094 out there in that ocean? 336 00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,328 [Ken] Mm-hm. 337 00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:11,431 [Treya] Maybe we can see some whales? 338 00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:13,933 [Ken] Or sharks. 339 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,135 [Treya] This little bay right here. No sharks! 340 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:21,474 [both chuckle] 341 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,875 [Dr. Richards] So how old were you 342 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:25,011 when you started menstruating? 343 00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,513 [Treya] Maybe 14. 344 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:29,549 [Dr. Richards] Okay. Have you ever had a child? 345 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,350 -Uh, no. I've never been pregnant. 346 00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:32,952 -Okay. 347 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,455 Has anyone in your family had breast cancer? 348 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,223 -Not that I know of. 349 00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:41,127 -Okay. And has the lump ever hurt? 350 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,362 -No, never. 351 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,364 -Okay. Are you nervous 352 00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:49,035 about the operation, about the local anesthesia? 353 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,137 I mean, if you--if you are, we can give you something. 354 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,972 [Treya] No, I feel fine. 355 00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,541 [Dr. Richards] Good. And do you eat meat? 356 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,443 [Treya] Nope. Vegetarian. 357 00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:57,410 [Dr. Richards] Oh, good for you. 358 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:00,046 All right. 359 00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:06,018 [Treya chuckles] 360 00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:10,890 [footsteps] 361 00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:21,200 [ocean breeze] 362 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,973 [footsteps] 363 00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:32,411 [***] 364 00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:52,364 [footsteps] 365 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,103 [***] 366 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:08,648 -Hi. I'd like to see the Wilbers in my office. 367 00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:09,616 [Nurse] Okay. -Good. 368 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:20,693 -I'm sorry. But the tumor is malignant. 369 00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:29,569 -And, um, the detailed results are--? 370 00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,170 -Yeah, let me get that for you. 371 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,578 Can I get a nurse in my office with the Wilber chart, please? 372 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:41,447 -How? It's so unfair. 373 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,416 [crying] 374 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:48,087 -This is crazy. 375 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,589 Most medical and scientific information 376 00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:52,324 is either inconclusive or negative. 377 00:24:52,358 --> 00:24:54,293 -Okay. I just read a New Age perspective 378 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:57,664 that says illness is a lesson. 379 00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,131 While most alternative information 380 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,367 is unrelenting and positive. 381 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,670 Did you see that Woody Allen quote? 382 00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:05,171 -It looks like everybody who gets treated 383 00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:07,574 by orthodox medicine dies. 384 00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,711 "I don't get angry. I grow tumors instead." 385 00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:14,146 -The one who gets treated with the alternative medicine lives. 386 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,082 [Ken laughs] 387 00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:18,150 -A film with a giant squirting boob 388 00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:20,319 as a character in it. 389 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,588 Condemned to meaning. 390 00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:23,289 [Ken sighs] 391 00:25:23,322 --> 00:25:25,091 -Are we wearing matching outfits? 392 00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:31,664 By curiosity, or whatever design... 393 00:25:39,806 --> 00:25:41,273 -Okay, Mr. Wilber. 394 00:25:43,509 --> 00:25:44,811 I'll make the list. 395 00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:49,348 A period of depression I went through, 396 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:53,319 repressing some emotions, eating too much animal fat. 397 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:58,124 Is it possible that somewhere inside ... worrying ... 398 00:25:58,157 --> 00:26:00,326 part of me doesn't want to live? 399 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,195 Being too self-critical. 400 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,531 I just don't want you to have to worry about me. 401 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,634 Lonely as a child maybe. 402 00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:09,669 [Ken] People saying it's caused by repressed emotions 403 00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:11,103 don't know what they're talking about. 404 00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:12,538 -Not meeting Ken sooner. 405 00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,777 So, what do you think? 406 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:18,811 -I like the last one. 407 00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:25,685 I don't know what caused it, sweetheart, 408 00:26:25,718 --> 00:26:27,453 and I don't think anybody does. 409 00:26:27,486 --> 00:26:29,221 -Ken, I'm scared. 410 00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:39,531 -As long as you're breathing and crying, 411 00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:41,367 I won't worry about you. 412 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,270 Now, if you stop either one, then I'll worry. 413 00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:55,181 If you want to make any changes, 414 00:26:55,214 --> 00:26:57,784 don't do any of them because you think they caused it. 415 00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:03,589 Do it because you want to do it anyway. 416 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,493 Hm? Look... 417 00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:12,398 let's make it a new beginning. Hm? 418 00:27:14,867 --> 00:27:16,703 -You promise? 419 00:27:21,540 --> 00:27:25,778 [both chuckling] 420 00:27:25,812 --> 00:27:27,613 -I love you. 421 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:32,384 [***] 422 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,426 -Okay, it's a new procedure. 423 00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:41,861 It was pioneered in Europe. 424 00:27:41,894 --> 00:27:44,663 And I think you'd be a really good candidate for it. 425 00:27:44,697 --> 00:27:47,834 You see, these tumors are the Nazis of the cancer crowd 426 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:49,201 and they're not terribly impressed with 427 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:51,137 wheatgrass or sweet thoughts. 428 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,706 I mean, you got to nuke these bastards. 429 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,341 As a matter of fact, I had a discussion about it 430 00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,476 with your mom and Rad right after I'd read about it. 431 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:01,781 -Babe? 432 00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:04,817 -Um, we've certainly done the research 433 00:28:04,851 --> 00:28:07,186 on the various combinations. 434 00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:08,320 -For sure. 435 00:28:08,354 --> 00:28:11,824 [breathes deeply] Okay. 436 00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:16,796 Segmental mastectomy, that'll save lymph nodes. 437 00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:18,330 Followed by radiation 438 00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:21,467 and a spectrum of holistic treatments. 439 00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:24,270 [Dr. Richards] I like this. 440 00:28:25,838 --> 00:28:26,672 -Okay. 441 00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:41,921 -Babe, I can't believe this is our honeymoon. 442 00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:47,593 -We'll be there in Hawaii. I'll wear that bikini. 443 00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:52,231 [chuckles] 444 00:28:52,264 --> 00:28:53,800 -What are you doing? 445 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,302 -A hospital is a terrible place to be if you're sick. 446 00:28:56,335 --> 00:28:57,636 I mean, there are germs in the hospital 447 00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:59,906 that you can't get anywhere else. 448 00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,408 If the germs don't get you, the food will. 449 00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,944 So, I'm staying. 450 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,347 Besides, this is our honeymoon. 451 00:29:17,857 --> 00:29:18,858 [knocking on door] 452 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,292 -Come in. 453 00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:23,729 -You've got visitors. 454 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,934 -Ooh. So you are rock solid, sweetheart. 455 00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:31,904 Oh. Twenty nodes out, all negative. 456 00:29:31,938 --> 00:29:34,473 -I know. -That is so impressive. 457 00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:38,244 Now, Kent and Kati and I went Christmas shopping near Max's, 458 00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,679 but we didn't find a thing for you. 459 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,414 -Thanks, Mom. 460 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,283 -We are busting you outta here tomorrow. 461 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,751 -I can't wait! 462 00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:47,719 I'm so excited! -Me too. I missed you. 463 00:29:47,753 --> 00:29:48,821 -I missed you. -[chuckles] 464 00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:51,623 -Come home for Christmas. 465 00:29:51,657 --> 00:29:52,791 -We have cookies ready... 466 00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:54,560 -Presents. -Yep. [laughs] 467 00:29:54,593 --> 00:29:57,629 -Oh, you're gonna get so many presents. 468 00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:59,498 -Oh, my favorite. -[Sue] Oh. 469 00:30:11,577 --> 00:30:14,847 [all laughing] 470 00:30:19,418 --> 00:30:22,521 [indistinct conversation] 471 00:30:37,403 --> 00:30:40,106 [moans softly] 472 00:31:19,778 --> 00:31:22,681 [***] 473 00:31:33,993 --> 00:31:36,762 [birds chirping] 474 00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:41,000 -Since your tumor was estrogen positive, 475 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:43,835 the--the hormonal shifts with being pregnant 476 00:31:43,869 --> 00:31:48,574 would be like fertilizer for any remaining cells. 477 00:31:48,607 --> 00:31:51,510 I think it's an amazing sign that you're-- 478 00:31:51,543 --> 00:31:54,446 that you're pregnant, Terry. I do. 479 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,416 And if, if you're free of this in two years, 480 00:31:57,449 --> 00:32:01,020 you can get pregnant again. 481 00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:03,089 -So we'll wait. 482 00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:05,757 Hey, we'll do it again. 483 00:32:05,791 --> 00:32:06,925 And you're a healthy girl 484 00:32:06,959 --> 00:32:08,995 and we're gonna start a big fucking family. 485 00:32:09,028 --> 00:32:09,895 [Treya laughs tearily] 486 00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:16,068 [Treya clears throat] 487 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:19,038 [Ken] Thanks, Doc. 488 00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:20,172 [Dr. Richards] Of course. 489 00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:26,878 [***] 490 00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:33,119 [Treya] [voice-over] Sorry I haven't written in so long. 491 00:32:33,152 --> 00:32:36,722 The big news now is that we're moving to Lake Tahoe. 492 00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,627 It all came about because I accidentally got pregnant. 493 00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:45,497 I cried for a week. 494 00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:49,668 It made me realize how much I really want Ken's child. 495 00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,670 Kids love Ken. 496 00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:52,904 He says it's because 497 00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,007 he's the same emotional age as they are. 498 00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,012 We'll be clear in two years though. 499 00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:01,713 Honey, are you ready? 500 00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:05,517 I told the magazine I'd fax your interview today. 501 00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:06,685 [voice-over] When we met, 502 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:10,189 he owned one desk chair, a typewriter ... 503 00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,191 Okay, Mr. Wilber. 504 00:33:12,224 --> 00:33:13,792 [voice-over] ... and 4,000 books. 505 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:15,461 Why don't you start by explaining 506 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,564 what you mean by the "perennial philosophy"? 507 00:33:18,597 --> 00:33:21,233 -[clears throat] Okay, well, the human body, for example, 508 00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:23,802 has 208 bones, one heart and two kidneys, 509 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:26,004 whether it appears in Mozambique or Manhattan, 510 00:33:26,038 --> 00:33:27,806 whether today or a thousand years ago. 511 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,176 These we call "deep structures." 512 00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:35,847 Well, just as the human body universally grows hair, 513 00:33:35,881 --> 00:33:38,684 the human mind universally grows ideas, 514 00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:41,987 and the human spirit universally grows intuitions. 515 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,490 -It's hard to see what many religions, 516 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:48,094 like Buddhism and Christianity, for instance, might agree on. 517 00:33:48,127 --> 00:33:50,496 -Mm. We charge extra for that. 518 00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,665 -Oh, come on. Give me six points. 519 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:58,504 -All right. One, spirit exists. Two, it resides within. 520 00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,606 Three, most of us don't realize this 521 00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:03,041 because we're living in an illusory state of separation. 522 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:06,078 Four, there is a path out of this state. 523 00:34:06,112 --> 00:34:09,681 Five, if you follow this path, the result is transcendence, 524 00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:13,752 which, six, marks the end of suffering. 525 00:34:15,654 --> 00:34:16,755 Now take your pants off. 526 00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:18,890 -Mr. Wilber! 527 00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:24,062 Okay, so you're saying that spirit exists within? 528 00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:25,063 -Yes. 529 00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:29,301 And it's found by consistently looking within 530 00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:34,072 until within becomes beyond. 531 00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:35,274 -Within, huh? 532 00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:39,010 [recording clicks] 533 00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,151 Okay, so for the grand prize. 534 00:34:55,661 --> 00:35:01,133 -So by looking at my mind, I eventually transcend the mind? 535 00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:02,268 -Exactly. 536 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,772 [Treya inhales and exhales deeply] 537 00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:08,140 -You wanna get something to eat? 538 00:35:10,075 --> 00:35:13,812 Or I could make spaghetti again. 539 00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:15,647 -[exhales] I'm trying to transcend. 540 00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:20,118 -[laughs] I'm starving. Transcendence can wait. 541 00:35:20,152 --> 00:35:21,687 [Treya laughs] 542 00:35:23,322 --> 00:35:24,990 [phone ringing] 543 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:29,828 [Receptionist] Hello, Dr. Richard's office. 544 00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,697 -Hi. This is Terry Killam Wilber. 545 00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:33,365 Can I please speak to Dr. Richards, please? 546 00:35:33,399 --> 00:35:35,100 [Receptionist] Of course, one second. 547 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,067 [Dr. Richards] Hey, Terry. 548 00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:38,136 It's Dr. Richards. 549 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:41,607 Listen, we got the results of your test back today. 550 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,342 Look, I'm really sorry to say this. 551 00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:46,712 It's--it's an unusual kind of recurrence. 552 00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381 But I don't want you to worry. We can take care of this. 553 00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:50,949 So, when can you come back in? 554 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,150 -Uh, I can be there tomorrow. 555 00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:56,922 Okay. Thank you. 556 00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,694 [voice-over] If it is, it is. 557 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,802 [Dr. Richards] Hello, how are you doing? 558 00:36:10,836 --> 00:36:11,870 -Good. 559 00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:13,038 [Dr. Richards] Comfortable? 560 00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:14,072 -Yeah. 561 00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:15,006 [Dr. Richards] Good. 562 00:36:16,375 --> 00:36:21,146 So, when I remove your right breast today, 563 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,281 Dr. Harvey will be reducing 564 00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:24,750 the size of your left. -Yeah. 565 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:28,820 -See, some of the cells got caught on the drainage tube. 566 00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:31,122 And so when we took that out, they got caught on the skin 567 00:36:31,156 --> 00:36:32,858 and were left behind. 568 00:36:32,891 --> 00:36:35,227 And I promise you, we will get them all today, Terry. 569 00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,161 [Treya] Okay. 570 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,465 -Okay. 571 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,869 There. 572 00:36:43,902 --> 00:36:46,738 All right, so we're gonna have to move your nipple up. 573 00:36:46,772 --> 00:36:48,240 But we can do this without severing the connection 574 00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:49,841 with the milk ducts. 575 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,843 So that way, the breast stays functional 576 00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:54,880 and if you ever decide you want to have a child. 577 00:36:54,913 --> 00:36:59,017 [breathes deeply] 578 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:02,354 -Okay. Eighty-three. All right? 579 00:37:02,388 --> 00:37:04,122 If you don't mind, can you just stand up here? 580 00:37:04,155 --> 00:37:05,757 I'm just gonna-- -[Treya] Uh, yeah. 581 00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:06,825 [Dr. Richards] Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to draw on you 582 00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,193 a little bit. -That's okay. 583 00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:10,061 [knocking on door] 584 00:37:14,333 --> 00:37:15,467 -Hey, come in, come in. -Hi. 585 00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,774 Um, hi, sweetie, is it-- 586 00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:23,875 is this all right? 587 00:37:23,909 --> 00:37:24,976 [Treya] It's fine, Mom. 588 00:37:26,278 --> 00:37:27,913 It's okay, Come, and I'll show you. 589 00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:33,184 -I'll be right back, baby. 590 00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:34,453 [Treya] Okay, sweetheart. 591 00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:39,991 [***] 592 00:37:54,906 --> 00:37:58,276 [creepy music] 593 00:38:09,788 --> 00:38:12,824 [sobs] 594 00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:31,142 [cries] 595 00:38:44,189 --> 00:38:46,425 -I mean, you're like such a stud! 596 00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:48,960 [exhales] Total stud. 597 00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:50,195 -[chuckles] No. -Yes. 598 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,066 -Look, it's been with us a year, 599 00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:57,135 as long as we've been married. 600 00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:04,543 The program's straightforward: diet... megavitamins... 601 00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:06,445 well, of course, [chuckles]... 602 00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:09,280 [together] sexercise! [laughs] 603 00:39:09,314 --> 00:39:11,016 -More sexercise. 604 00:39:11,049 --> 00:39:13,452 [laughs] 605 00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:16,054 I think I was more upset about your boob than you were. 606 00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:19,190 -Yeah, well, it was worth it. 607 00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:20,158 -Yeah. 608 00:39:21,427 --> 00:39:24,295 -The doctors seem unanimous. 609 00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:25,263 -Biggest stud I know. 610 00:39:25,296 --> 00:39:26,832 [both laugh] 611 00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,033 -I love you, Kati. 612 00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:29,334 -I love you. 613 00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:40,045 [phone ringing] 614 00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:49,220 [Ken] [into phone] Hello? 615 00:39:49,254 --> 00:39:50,321 Yes. 616 00:39:55,293 --> 00:39:56,394 Mm-hm. 617 00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:00,331 I see. 618 00:40:05,370 --> 00:40:06,572 Okay, thank you. 619 00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:08,640 [hangs up phone] 620 00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:22,488 -What? 621 00:40:26,525 --> 00:40:32,664 Look, I'm barely stage two, estrogen positive, clean nodes. 622 00:40:35,601 --> 00:40:37,503 -The opinions were divided. 623 00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:43,441 -Just fucking tell me straight, Ken! 624 00:40:43,475 --> 00:40:46,945 [breathes rapidly] 625 00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:49,214 -Recurrence within a year. 626 00:40:49,247 --> 00:40:53,952 Recurrence in a radiated area. Estrogen negative. 627 00:40:53,985 --> 00:40:55,453 Grade four, stage four. 628 00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:15,974 -[crying] No. 629 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:17,408 I don't want it. 630 00:41:17,442 --> 00:41:20,045 Please. No. 631 00:41:21,346 --> 00:41:24,149 [crying] 632 00:41:24,182 --> 00:41:26,985 -Listen, listen. 633 00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:28,687 What does this decision all hinge on? 634 00:41:30,288 --> 00:41:34,025 -Intellect isn't going to save the day now, Ken. 635 00:41:39,397 --> 00:41:40,498 [exhales] 636 00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:47,105 Okay. What? 637 00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:52,644 -The pathology report. Dr. Lagios. 638 00:41:52,678 --> 00:41:54,479 He's the one that's been staring down the microscope 639 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,615 at your cells, and it's his report 640 00:41:56,648 --> 00:41:58,584 that these doctors are trying to interpret. 641 00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:06,157 You want me to call or you? 642 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:13,799 -Doctors listen to men. You call. 643 00:42:20,739 --> 00:42:22,741 [phone dial beeping] 644 00:42:25,243 --> 00:42:26,778 -Dr. Lagios, please. 645 00:42:26,812 --> 00:42:28,714 It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent. 646 00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,689 Dr. Lagios, I know this is unusual, 647 00:42:37,723 --> 00:42:41,126 but Terry and I have some difficult decisions to make, 648 00:42:41,159 --> 00:42:43,428 and I was wondering if I can just talk to you for a minute. 649 00:42:46,698 --> 00:42:48,734 Dr. Lagios, our doctors are divided 650 00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:52,337 as to whether Terry's recurrence was local or metastatic. 651 00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,471 I just want to know 652 00:42:53,504 --> 00:42:55,506 how aggressive the cells look to you. 653 00:42:56,742 --> 00:42:57,743 Please. 654 00:43:08,687 --> 00:43:11,056 Tell me, Dr. Lagios. 655 00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:13,424 If this was your wife, would you recommend chemo? 656 00:43:17,395 --> 00:43:18,396 And the odds? 657 00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:27,839 [sniffles] 658 00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:52,764 -Whfff. 659 00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:59,137 Suicide sounds nice right about now. 660 00:43:59,170 --> 00:44:00,538 [breathes deeply] 661 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,342 -The Reglan's hitting you hard. 662 00:44:04,375 --> 00:44:06,244 You're having a bad histamine reaction. 663 00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:07,879 Just hold on for the Benadryl, okay? 664 00:44:07,913 --> 00:44:09,314 Could you start the Benadryl? 665 00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:12,650 [Treya breathing rapidly] 666 00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:13,752 Hang in there. 667 00:44:13,785 --> 00:44:15,153 We'll be back at the hotel in no time, okay? 668 00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:18,289 [Treya breathing rapidly] 669 00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:26,364 You got this. You got this. 670 00:44:26,397 --> 00:44:29,300 [Treya breathing rapidly] 671 00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,552 -Are you okay? 672 00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:49,254 -Yeah. Keep reading to me. 673 00:44:55,593 --> 00:44:57,863 The witness exercise from No Boundary , would you? 674 00:44:57,896 --> 00:45:01,699 [Treya breathing deeply] 675 00:45:04,870 --> 00:45:09,174 -"I have a body, but I am not my body. 676 00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:11,442 "My body may be tired or excited, 677 00:45:11,476 --> 00:45:14,679 "sick or healthy, anxious or calm, 678 00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:18,683 "but that has nothing to do with my inward I. 679 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:22,420 "I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. 680 00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:24,555 Emotions pass through me." 681 00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:33,431 -[sighs] It really helps, it just doesn't last. 682 00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:36,634 I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. 683 00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:40,371 Suicide sounds sensible. 684 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,672 Oh, god. Hm. 685 00:45:41,706 --> 00:45:42,774 -Nietzche used to say 686 00:45:42,808 --> 00:45:44,342 that the only way he got to sleep at night 687 00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:46,945 was by promising to kill himself in the morning. 688 00:45:46,978 --> 00:45:49,848 [both laughing] 689 00:45:52,417 --> 00:45:54,552 -Okay. Read me more. 690 00:45:57,856 --> 00:46:01,559 The part about the... the witness being immortal. 691 00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:06,397 -Sure. 692 00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,299 [voice-over] "Perhaps you, like most people, 693 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:09,667 "feel that you are 694 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:12,470 "basically the same person you were yesterday. 695 00:46:12,503 --> 00:46:14,372 "You probably also feel that you are fundamentally 696 00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,708 "the same person you were a year ago. 697 00:46:17,742 --> 00:46:20,812 "Put another way: you never remember a time 698 00:46:20,846 --> 00:46:23,281 "when you weren't you. 699 00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:24,850 "In other words, something in you 700 00:46:24,883 --> 00:46:28,820 "seems to remain untouched by the passage of time. 701 00:46:28,854 --> 00:46:31,990 "Your mind, your body, your feelings, 702 00:46:32,023 --> 00:46:34,960 "all have changed with time. 703 00:46:34,993 --> 00:46:39,397 "But you know that something has not changed. 704 00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,466 Something feels the same." 705 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,776 [Treya] [voice-over] Chemo is based on a single principle: 706 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:55,746 cancer cells divide and grow twice as fast as healthy cells. 707 00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,385 The idea is to kill some healthy cells, 708 00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:03,288 but many more bad cells. 709 00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,923 At the end of a successful round, 710 00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:07,893 the tumor is dead and the patient only half-dead. 711 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,830 Ken and I stood in front of the mirror together, 712 00:47:12,864 --> 00:47:15,766 staring at the odd sight of the both of us, 713 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,303 just laughing. 714 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:20,471 Ken's been unbelievably supportive, 715 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:23,942 and that he keeps me laughing has saved my life. 716 00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,377 When I first shaved my head, 717 00:47:26,411 --> 00:47:30,715 he told me I'm the sexiest woman he's ever been with. 718 00:47:30,748 --> 00:47:32,884 And then he told me he likes my head so much this way 719 00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,019 that after it grows back, 720 00:47:34,052 --> 00:47:36,922 he wants me to shave it again. [chuckles] 721 00:47:36,955 --> 00:47:38,556 Linda Conger came up to Tahoe 722 00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,491 to photograph us together. 723 00:47:40,525 --> 00:47:43,461 During the shoot, Ken put on my breast prosthesis 724 00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:45,430 and suggested Linda shoot us nude 725 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:47,632 from the waist up. 726 00:47:47,665 --> 00:47:52,770 My god, the three of us laughed so hard we cried. 727 00:47:52,803 --> 00:47:55,773 That's kinda how it is with cancer, I guess, 728 00:47:55,806 --> 00:47:59,844 cry till you laugh and laugh till you cry. 729 00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:02,580 [Kati] [reading] "The rough parts were losing my period, 730 00:48:02,613 --> 00:48:07,885 "mouth sores, painful bowel, blood sometimes. 731 00:48:07,919 --> 00:48:11,022 "But it's amazing what human beings can endure. 732 00:48:11,056 --> 00:48:12,423 "And Kristen and I hosting the group 733 00:48:12,457 --> 00:48:13,858 "from the Wellness Center... 734 00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:16,527 I was so inspired by the stories." 735 00:48:16,561 --> 00:48:19,430 [Treya] [voice-over] After that, it started to get tough. 736 00:48:19,464 --> 00:48:21,933 Ken hasn't written in forever. 737 00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:24,469 He's given up his life to care for me, 738 00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:27,939 all day, all night, every day and night. 739 00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,741 Since right when we got married. 740 00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:31,943 [Kati] [reading] " One night, a good friend of mine 741 00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:35,113 "called to ask for some insight about cancer. 742 00:48:35,146 --> 00:48:37,748 "She called for Ken and didn't even ask me. 743 00:48:37,782 --> 00:48:39,684 "I defended, and then it spiraled. 744 00:48:43,154 --> 00:48:44,589 "We've been getting counseling support 745 00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:46,924 "visiting Frances and Roger, 746 00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:50,161 though many days it just seems like it can't work." 747 00:48:54,665 --> 00:48:56,834 [Treya] [voice-over] God, it'll be almost two years. 748 00:48:58,469 --> 00:49:01,539 With Ken's love, I've managed treatments pretty well. 749 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,409 What caught us from behind 750 00:49:04,442 --> 00:49:08,646 is the emotional and psychological devastation. 751 00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:11,616 And I don't think Ken can endure living only for me 752 00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:13,818 without living for himself. 753 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,456 On top of it all, since moving to Tahoe, 754 00:49:18,489 --> 00:49:21,459 Ken seems to have caught some sort of strange bug 755 00:49:21,492 --> 00:49:22,860 no one can identify. 756 00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:26,664 And on top of that, 757 00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:30,101 I can't seem to help being defensive, even grating, 758 00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:34,105 and Ken's dropped into depression. 759 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,578 Better news soon, but always with love, Treya. 760 00:49:40,611 --> 00:49:42,047 [knocking on door] 761 00:49:46,517 --> 00:49:47,985 -Hi. 762 00:49:48,019 --> 00:49:49,087 [both] Hi. 763 00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:50,255 -Thank you for coming. 764 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,857 -Such a pleasure to be here. 765 00:49:52,890 --> 00:49:55,460 I-I-I am a huge fan of your work. 766 00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:58,596 I can't tell you how much your books have affected me. 767 00:49:58,629 --> 00:50:00,265 -Great, thanks. Come on in. 768 00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:04,869 [Tim] [voice-over] So Ken, what are you working on now? 769 00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:06,037 [Ken] [voice-over] I haven't really 770 00:50:06,071 --> 00:50:07,605 done any extended writing for some time. 771 00:50:10,941 --> 00:50:12,910 Just not coming anymore. 772 00:50:12,943 --> 00:50:13,944 That period is over. 773 00:50:17,248 --> 00:50:18,183 -Wow. 774 00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:22,520 What it must be like to be called 775 00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:25,823 the greatest philosopher of consciousness since Freud, 776 00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,024 and feel it evaporating. 777 00:50:30,995 --> 00:50:33,064 -More fun than a human should be allowed to have. 778 00:50:57,788 --> 00:50:58,789 [bottles clink] 779 00:52:06,924 --> 00:52:08,959 -The greater the love, the greater the pain. 780 00:52:08,993 --> 00:52:11,095 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 781 00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,631 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 782 00:52:15,700 --> 00:52:17,067 "He has no enemies. 783 00:52:17,101 --> 00:52:19,404 He's just intensely disliked by all his friends." 784 00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:45,763 [cries] 785 00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:57,875 [sniffles] Flatline 786 00:53:00,778 --> 00:53:01,879 It's check out time. 787 00:53:09,754 --> 00:53:11,956 [Ken breathes deeply] 788 00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:14,859 [footsteps] 789 00:53:14,892 --> 00:53:17,795 [newspaper rustling] 790 00:53:19,264 --> 00:53:21,766 [footsteps] 791 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:30,875 [clears throat] 792 00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:38,115 -Can you do that in the other room, please? 793 00:53:44,255 --> 00:53:46,957 -I like to read the paper here. 794 00:53:46,991 --> 00:53:51,128 It's my favorite place for that. I look forward to it. 795 00:53:51,161 --> 00:53:54,064 [newspaper rustling] 796 00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:00,305 -Look, this is my office. 797 00:54:00,338 --> 00:54:03,708 All three other rooms are dedicated to your needs. 798 00:54:03,741 --> 00:54:07,111 Including an office. So, find one. 799 00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:08,178 -No. 800 00:54:12,182 --> 00:54:15,052 [newspaper rustling] 801 00:54:19,790 --> 00:54:24,194 -This is the only thing I have left for myself. 802 00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:27,932 It's not a lot to ask. 803 00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,502 -You know, it's really aggravating when you're snide. 804 00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,238 I'm reading here. 805 00:54:40,811 --> 00:54:41,546 -Get out. 806 00:54:44,014 --> 00:54:44,949 -No! 807 00:54:47,151 --> 00:54:48,353 -What the fuck else can I do! 808 00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:49,887 Get out! 809 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:51,356 -Get out yourself! 810 00:54:51,389 --> 00:54:53,391 -You goddamn obnoxious bitch! 811 00:54:53,424 --> 00:54:55,393 -Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you! 812 00:54:55,426 --> 00:54:59,330 [groans] Get, get off me! 813 00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:02,032 [Ken] I don't know what you want! 814 00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:03,100 [Treya] Fuck you! 815 00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,448 -I'm leaving. 816 00:55:17,482 --> 00:55:19,850 I'm going to San Francisco. 817 00:55:19,884 --> 00:55:22,820 I hate what we're doing. You can come or you can-- 818 00:55:22,853 --> 00:55:23,988 -Leave. 819 00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,425 Ah, just leave. 820 00:55:29,394 --> 00:55:32,563 [somber music] 821 00:55:41,038 --> 00:55:44,208 [sobbing] 822 00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,617 [phone ringing] 823 00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,823 [Sue] [over answering machine] Hi, honey, it's Mom. 824 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:03,027 You know what we think of Ken. I don't mean that. 825 00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:05,029 We just don't agree with what he writes. 826 00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,097 That's all. 827 00:56:07,131 --> 00:56:11,101 Any man would be so lucky to have you. 828 00:56:12,937 --> 00:56:14,304 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicky. 829 00:56:14,338 --> 00:56:15,573 Pick up if you're there. 830 00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:18,342 [Sue] [over answering machine] So you call me 831 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,579 if you need anything. 832 00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:23,047 I love you. 833 00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:24,415 [sighs deeply] 834 00:56:28,453 --> 00:56:30,187 [answering machine picks up] 835 00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:32,890 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 836 00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:33,991 Pick up if you're there. 837 00:56:34,024 --> 00:56:34,925 [Sue] [over answering machine] You call me 838 00:56:34,959 --> 00:56:37,595 if you need anything. 839 00:56:37,628 --> 00:56:39,329 I love you. 840 00:56:39,363 --> 00:56:40,965 [answering machine beeps] 841 00:56:40,998 --> 00:56:41,966 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 842 00:56:41,999 --> 00:56:43,400 Pick up if you're there. 843 00:56:43,434 --> 00:56:46,370 Ken called. He's in San Francisco. 844 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,473 He's getting help. 845 00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:51,241 I thought you should know. 846 00:56:51,275 --> 00:56:54,344 I want to be supportive. 847 00:56:54,378 --> 00:56:56,981 You deserve each other, Terry. 848 00:56:57,014 --> 00:56:58,649 [answering machine beeps] 849 00:56:58,683 --> 00:57:01,018 [Sue] [over answering machine] I know you're listening. 850 00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:01,952 I love you. 851 00:57:08,358 --> 00:57:09,694 -I have to let go... 852 00:57:13,297 --> 00:57:15,132 I have to let go, to hold on. 853 00:57:16,601 --> 00:57:18,936 [sniffles] 854 00:57:18,969 --> 00:57:19,670 My husband. 855 00:57:24,241 --> 00:57:27,044 [somber music] 856 00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:31,682 -My wife. 857 00:57:56,173 --> 00:57:57,542 [exhales] 858 00:58:02,547 --> 00:58:04,348 [envelope ripping] 859 00:58:25,703 --> 00:58:28,072 -"Treya..." 860 00:58:28,105 --> 00:58:29,039 [Ken] [voice-over] My dearest. 861 00:58:29,073 --> 00:58:32,376 -"My dearest, I am sorry." 862 00:58:32,409 --> 00:58:33,310 [Ken] [voice-over] I'm sorry. 863 00:58:35,245 --> 00:58:37,414 -"I've searched a thousand lifetimes 864 00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:44,421 "to find you, and I can't let you go, I won't. 865 00:58:44,454 --> 00:58:46,290 "Not now, not ever. 866 00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:51,461 "Not in this lifetime, or any other. 867 00:58:51,495 --> 00:58:54,264 "I love you with all of my soul. 868 00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,033 Please come back to me, my love..." 869 00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:58,135 [Ken] [voice-over] Please, come back to me. 870 00:58:58,168 --> 00:58:59,203 -My soul. 871 00:58:59,236 --> 00:59:00,270 [Ken] [voice-over] My soul. 872 00:59:03,107 --> 00:59:05,009 -"I'm coming to get you tomorrow." 873 00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:10,047 [sniffles] "You and me. Forever. 874 00:59:11,749 --> 00:59:13,117 It's all I know." 875 00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:17,822 It's all I'm gonna do. 876 00:59:19,323 --> 00:59:22,092 [***] 877 00:59:47,117 --> 00:59:48,218 [sniffles] 878 00:59:59,163 --> 01:00:01,866 [phone ringing] 879 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,508 -Hello. 880 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:13,210 [Edith] Hello, Mr. Wilber. 881 01:00:13,243 --> 01:00:14,311 -Yeah. 882 01:00:14,344 --> 01:00:15,545 [Edith] My name is Edith Zundel, 883 01:00:15,579 --> 01:00:17,381 from West Germany. 884 01:00:17,414 --> 01:00:20,084 I'm doing a book of interviews with avant-garde psychologists 885 01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:22,319 and I'd really like to interview you. 886 01:00:22,352 --> 01:00:25,222 -I appreciate that, Edith, but I-I don't do interviews. 887 01:00:25,255 --> 01:00:26,657 [Edith] I'm staying with Frances Vaughan 888 01:00:26,691 --> 01:00:29,526 and Roger Walsh. I've come a long way 889 01:00:29,559 --> 01:00:31,128 and would really like to talk with you. 890 01:00:31,161 --> 01:00:33,130 Please. -[chuckles] 891 01:00:33,163 --> 01:00:34,865 -Here's the thing, Edith. 892 01:00:34,899 --> 01:00:37,534 Most authors end up appearing as teachers 893 01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:40,237 when they do interviews, and it's just not me. 894 01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:42,439 [Edith] I can appreciate that, Mr. Wilber. 895 01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:45,876 I know you've only given four interviews in 15 years. 896 01:00:45,910 --> 01:00:48,345 Your synthesis of Eastern and Western psychologies 897 01:00:48,378 --> 01:00:50,681 has had a major impact. 898 01:00:50,715 --> 01:00:54,618 It would just be a few questions, as a scholar. 899 01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:57,521 All ten of your books have been hugely popular in Germany. 900 01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,656 I even have copies in Japanese. 901 01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:03,127 -Oh, the two peaceful countries. 902 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,228 [Edith] Frances and Roger 903 01:01:04,261 --> 01:01:07,932 told me about Terry. I'm very sorry. 904 01:01:10,768 --> 01:01:12,870 -Okay, Edith, come on over this afternoon. 905 01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:18,442 [Treya] Babe! [excited fast breaths] 906 01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:21,145 My period returned. 907 01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:22,279 [Ken chuckles] 908 01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,487 Maybe I can have your child after all. 909 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,455 -[whispers] Yes, baby. 910 01:01:32,957 --> 01:01:36,693 -I think Frances and Roger were right. 911 01:01:36,727 --> 01:01:41,832 It doesn't matter what we say as... much as how we say it. 912 01:01:41,866 --> 01:01:48,572 [Ken] Hm. Yeah. Please... clean the car. 913 01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:52,276 Clean the house, and... see me in the bedroom. 914 01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,577 -You can see more of me 915 01:01:53,610 --> 01:01:55,645 walking away to go garden, mister. 916 01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:12,963 -[whispering] Chris is the only one here 917 01:02:12,997 --> 01:02:15,800 who works like this. But she's vastly popular. 918 01:02:18,869 --> 01:02:21,371 -Bill has an inoperable brain tumor. 919 01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,841 I'm working on containing and shrinking it. 920 01:02:25,810 --> 01:02:27,611 -[whispering] Bill came here on a gurney 921 01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,380 from the hospital last week with two tumors 922 01:02:30,414 --> 01:02:31,648 which Chris shrank. 923 01:02:31,681 --> 01:02:32,883 But one grew back. 924 01:02:36,987 --> 01:02:39,389 I would love to meet Ken later. 925 01:02:39,423 --> 01:02:42,993 Up From Eden was incredible. I'm a fan. 926 01:02:44,728 --> 01:02:47,564 -Okay, Bill. Off you go. 927 01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,968 I feel the cold spot's gone. You're good for today. 928 01:02:51,001 --> 01:02:52,469 [Bill] Thanks. 929 01:02:52,502 --> 01:02:53,437 -Treya? 930 01:03:02,679 --> 01:03:06,851 Oh. Hm. Cool here. 931 01:03:08,853 --> 01:03:12,256 Make sure you tell me if you feel any really cold spots. 932 01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:14,358 -Cool there. 933 01:03:14,391 --> 01:03:15,960 -There's something going on in the pancreas. 934 01:03:15,993 --> 01:03:19,363 -Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have diabetes. 935 01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,765 -Cancer is caused by a virus... 936 01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:25,369 and that virus may still be here, hiding, 937 01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:28,906 even though medical doctors say it's gone. 938 01:03:28,939 --> 01:03:33,878 What I'm doing now is keeping it from moving. 939 01:03:33,911 --> 01:03:36,413 I had cancer when I was 23. 940 01:03:36,446 --> 01:03:39,683 It led me to all kinds of doctors and healers. 941 01:03:39,716 --> 01:03:42,652 I was arrested once for healing a child with leukemia. 942 01:03:42,686 --> 01:03:45,789 Can you imagine that? Like that's a crime. 943 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:48,358 It is about raising vibrations. 944 01:03:48,392 --> 01:03:52,762 But it's also mathematical and totally teachable. 945 01:03:52,796 --> 01:03:55,832 My dream is to go into a Third World country 946 01:03:55,866 --> 01:03:58,435 and teach others how to heal. 947 01:03:58,468 --> 01:04:00,004 But that's not allowed in the US. 948 01:04:02,406 --> 01:04:03,807 -Hi, there. 949 01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:08,745 -Ken Wilber. It's a pleasure. 950 01:04:08,778 --> 01:04:10,780 -Pleasure. 951 01:04:10,814 --> 01:04:13,583 -Do you want to give it a go? It's perfect timing, 952 01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:16,586 and you'll both know the method for later. 953 01:04:16,620 --> 01:04:17,621 -Sounds great. 954 01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:22,359 We've been looking forward to meeting you, Chris. 955 01:04:28,132 --> 01:04:32,469 [Chris] Okay. Okay. 956 01:04:32,502 --> 01:04:33,703 [exhales] Okay. 957 01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,642 I feel no coldness anywhere. 958 01:04:40,077 --> 01:04:41,478 You? 959 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:42,546 -Nope. 960 01:04:46,483 --> 01:04:48,852 -Very interesting. 961 01:04:48,885 --> 01:04:52,689 So, there are ten channels on each side of the brain. 962 01:04:52,722 --> 01:04:54,992 For most people, two or three sides are opened up. 963 01:04:55,025 --> 01:04:56,994 Four at the most. 964 01:04:57,027 --> 01:05:01,731 In my brain, all ten channels on both sides are open to ten. 965 01:05:01,765 --> 01:05:03,667 I mean, this kind of thing doesn't happen 966 01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:06,470 but every 2,000 years. 967 01:05:06,503 --> 01:05:09,539 The last person before me was the Buddha. 968 01:05:09,573 --> 01:05:13,143 But, Ken, you are open on one side of your brain to ten 969 01:05:13,177 --> 01:05:17,514 and the other side is seven. 970 01:05:19,516 --> 01:05:22,552 Oh, my goodness. [laughs] Holy crap. 971 01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,521 I really think that I can open the seven side 972 01:05:24,554 --> 01:05:27,891 all the way up. All the way. 973 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:32,462 Okay, tell me if you smell anything strange. 974 01:05:32,496 --> 01:05:34,431 [Ken] Uh, I smell smoke. 975 01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:36,566 -Good. Good. 976 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,602 -Now I smell mildew. 977 01:05:40,637 --> 01:05:43,707 -[exhales] Oh, man. 978 01:05:43,740 --> 01:05:44,808 [Ken chuckles] 979 01:05:44,841 --> 01:05:46,443 -Both sides are open up to ten. 980 01:05:46,476 --> 01:05:48,478 [Ken laughs] 981 01:05:48,512 --> 01:05:52,182 [Chris] I'm blown away. Wow. I mean, so much for the theory 982 01:05:52,216 --> 01:05:55,652 that this only happens to one person every 2,000 years. 983 01:05:55,685 --> 01:05:58,822 I can't believe it. It's amazing. 984 01:05:58,855 --> 01:06:00,624 [chuckles] Now there are two people 985 01:06:00,657 --> 01:06:02,126 right here in this room. 986 01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:03,427 [Ken] Oh, my god. 987 01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:07,031 [Chris] Right? [laughing] It's so crazy. 988 01:06:07,064 --> 01:06:08,999 [Ken and Chris laughing] 989 01:06:09,033 --> 01:06:12,036 [Roger] Cheers to that. 990 01:06:12,069 --> 01:06:13,470 [glasses clinking] 991 01:06:13,503 --> 01:06:15,539 [muted conversation] 992 01:06:15,572 --> 01:06:17,007 -To Terry's clean bill of health. 993 01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:21,145 Since a removed port-a-cath means 994 01:06:21,178 --> 01:06:26,016 they think the possibility of another occurrence is slim. 995 01:06:26,050 --> 01:06:30,120 Another tequila for everyone. -[Treya chuckles] 996 01:06:30,154 --> 01:06:31,755 -Trey. 997 01:06:31,788 --> 01:06:33,457 -Thank you. 998 01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,458 [glasses clinking] -Thank you. 999 01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:36,026 -Cheers! -[glasses clinking] 1000 01:06:54,278 --> 01:06:56,780 [all] Happy birthday. 1001 01:06:56,813 --> 01:06:57,881 [clapping] 1002 01:07:00,617 --> 01:07:01,818 [Sue] Oh, we love you. 1003 01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:04,988 [Treya] Thank you. 1004 01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,926 -Make a wish. You make a wish. 1005 01:07:12,629 --> 01:07:14,798 [Sue] Yeah. [clapping] 1006 01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:24,040 -"Important voice," I think it said. 1007 01:07:24,074 --> 01:07:25,742 -I know, it does. -Mm-hm. 1008 01:07:44,228 --> 01:07:47,597 [Treya] [into phone] Vicky! Uh-huh. 1009 01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:49,999 For CSC? 1010 01:07:51,635 --> 01:07:54,003 A 25,000-dollar grant! 1011 01:07:54,037 --> 01:07:58,708 Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky. Yes. Yes! 1012 01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:00,877 Okay, okay. 1013 01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:02,546 [phone pings] 1014 01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:03,613 All right. I'll call you back. 1015 01:08:03,647 --> 01:08:06,350 Bye. [sighs] Oh. 1016 01:08:22,799 --> 01:08:25,769 Eight hundred pages in a month and a half. 1017 01:08:25,802 --> 01:08:26,936 Ken Wilber. 1018 01:08:32,976 --> 01:08:34,744 -Must be the new house. 1019 01:08:34,778 --> 01:08:36,380 -Yeah, mister... must be. 1020 01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:41,151 -She had a bone scan three months ago? 1021 01:08:41,185 --> 01:08:44,954 [Ken] Yeah, it was clear. So just a high-density CAT scan 1022 01:08:44,988 --> 01:08:48,192 to see what might be causing the slight waviness in her eye. 1023 01:08:48,225 --> 01:08:49,359 -Great. 1024 01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:52,862 You can wait down the hall. -[Ken] All right. 1025 01:08:52,896 --> 01:08:55,865 [nurse] The doctor should be with you shortly. 1026 01:08:55,899 --> 01:08:58,802 [footsteps] 1027 01:09:07,211 --> 01:09:08,111 [doctor] Mr. Wilber? 1028 01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,120 It looks like there are two or three tumors in her brain. 1029 01:09:24,428 --> 01:09:25,895 One is very large... 1030 01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,803 perhaps three centimeters. 1031 01:09:37,441 --> 01:09:39,876 So we just scanned her lungs as well. 1032 01:09:44,047 --> 01:09:45,014 -Um. 1033 01:09:53,056 --> 01:09:56,693 -She has multiple tumors throughout both lungs... 1034 01:10:06,270 --> 01:10:07,704 possibly a dozen altogether. 1035 01:10:12,409 --> 01:10:15,078 I'm as shocked by this as you are. 1036 01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:16,713 I think the best thing to do 1037 01:10:16,746 --> 01:10:22,118 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 1038 01:10:22,151 --> 01:10:23,720 [voice echoing] I think the best thing to do 1039 01:10:23,753 --> 01:10:28,392 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 1040 01:10:28,425 --> 01:10:29,793 I want to have all the information 1041 01:10:29,826 --> 01:10:31,761 ready for her beforehand. 1042 01:10:36,966 --> 01:10:38,101 -Yeah. Right. Of course. 1043 01:10:47,811 --> 01:10:48,745 [book thuds] 1044 01:10:49,913 --> 01:10:51,981 ["Nicola" performed by Stuart Davis] 1045 01:10:52,015 --> 01:10:54,851 * We rattle a gateless gate 1046 01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:03,226 * And push against A weightless weight * 1047 01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:12,001 * Looking for A stateless state * 1048 01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:14,270 -I don't think it's anything. 1049 01:11:14,304 --> 01:11:15,839 I feel clear. 1050 01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:17,173 -* Nicola 1051 01:11:17,206 --> 01:11:19,108 -It's probably related to blood sugar. 1052 01:11:19,142 --> 01:11:22,446 -* Whatever love creates 1053 01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:24,314 -We're gonna have a great life together, babe. 1054 01:11:24,348 --> 01:11:26,082 You don't have to look so worried. 1055 01:11:26,115 --> 01:11:29,453 -Right. No. Of course. Definitely. 1056 01:11:29,486 --> 01:11:33,222 -* And all these twins 1057 01:11:33,256 --> 01:11:35,325 * With different faces - * With different faces 1058 01:11:37,494 --> 01:11:40,464 -* Fallen from the womb - * Fallen from the womb 1059 01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:46,202 -* Risen from the tomb - * Risen from the tomb 1060 01:11:46,235 --> 01:11:49,138 -* Carried in perfume - * Carried in perfume 1061 01:11:51,541 --> 01:11:53,477 -* Nicola - * Nicola 1062 01:11:59,549 --> 01:12:02,452 [Ken coughs and pukes] 1063 01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:14,330 -* All the ones alive today 1064 01:12:14,364 --> 01:12:18,835 [Treya] No. No! No, no, no. 1065 01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,438 I don't give a fuck! Damn it, damn it! 1066 01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:24,974 -* Are the ones That passed away * 1067 01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:28,945 -No! It's not fair! It's not fucking fair! 1068 01:12:28,978 --> 01:12:32,081 -* Are the ones on the way 1069 01:12:32,115 --> 01:12:36,386 [crying] And I could see it written on your face. 1070 01:12:36,420 --> 01:12:40,023 -* Nicola -No! Please! 1071 01:12:40,056 --> 01:12:42,959 No! No! [sobbing] 1072 01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:54,137 I don't understand. 1073 01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,473 I don't understand. 1074 01:12:58,642 --> 01:13:01,945 Please. Please. Please. 1075 01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:05,048 Please, No, No, No, No 1076 01:13:10,353 --> 01:13:13,322 But I want to have your baby. 1077 01:13:13,356 --> 01:13:17,060 Your-- [sniffles] that's all. 1078 01:13:17,093 --> 01:13:19,896 Please, please, please. 1079 01:13:23,933 --> 01:13:24,901 No. 1080 01:13:28,472 --> 01:13:31,374 [cries loudly] 1081 01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:37,547 [Ken] However you wanna do it... whatever you want. 1082 01:13:37,581 --> 01:13:40,383 [Treya breathing rapidly, crying bitterly] 1083 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:52,929 [both] Janker Klinik. 1084 01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,900 -Is that your choice? 1085 01:13:56,933 --> 01:14:00,504 Short-term, high-dose. Germany. 1086 01:14:00,537 --> 01:14:02,271 -So aggressive people 1087 01:14:02,305 --> 01:14:06,242 sometimes have to be put on life support. 1088 01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:12,081 But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner, 70 percent remission rate. 1089 01:14:18,321 --> 01:14:22,358 I want to go. I want to try this. 1090 01:14:22,391 --> 01:14:23,292 [Ken chuckles] 1091 01:14:26,062 --> 01:14:28,965 [gentle piano notes] 1092 01:14:46,349 --> 01:14:48,117 -Would you recommend this particular treatment 1093 01:14:48,151 --> 01:14:50,286 for your wife? 1094 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,589 -[chuckles] Never ask a doctor 1095 01:14:52,622 --> 01:14:55,625 if he recommends the treatment for his wife. 1096 01:14:55,659 --> 01:14:58,562 You don't know how they get along! 1097 01:14:58,595 --> 01:15:01,197 No, you best ask, 1098 01:15:01,230 --> 01:15:04,534 would he recommend this for his daughter. 1099 01:15:06,636 --> 01:15:08,705 -Well, for your daughter? 1100 01:15:08,738 --> 01:15:13,543 -[chuckles] We do not do long-term treatments, 1101 01:15:13,577 --> 01:15:16,312 as is common in America. 1102 01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:22,586 Now we-we find that it lowers the quality of life. 1103 01:15:22,619 --> 01:15:24,721 We must always remember that-- 1104 01:15:24,754 --> 01:15:31,427 that surrounding this tumor is a human being. 1105 01:15:31,460 --> 01:15:35,198 And also-- it also damages the soul. 1106 01:15:35,231 --> 01:15:39,135 This is high-dose, short-term. We knock it out. 1107 01:15:39,168 --> 01:15:41,771 Your white blood cell count will drop. 1108 01:15:41,805 --> 01:15:44,240 And then they will rise again to 1,500. 1109 01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:46,309 And then you can leave the hospital at 1110 01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:49,545 [chuckles] at 1,800. You can take a trip. 1111 01:15:49,579 --> 01:15:54,350 And when it's back up to 2,500, we can begin the next treatment. 1112 01:15:55,619 --> 01:15:58,521 [footsteps] 1113 01:16:00,790 --> 01:16:03,226 [coin clanks] 1114 01:16:03,259 --> 01:16:05,595 [Bob Doty] It's two Kolsch for five marks. 1115 01:16:05,629 --> 01:16:07,631 [beer bottle thuds] 1116 01:16:10,433 --> 01:16:11,835 Dr. Scheef installed it. 1117 01:16:13,837 --> 01:16:17,073 He drinks 10 or 15 a day. 1118 01:16:17,106 --> 01:16:19,308 -Really. Hmm. 1119 01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:23,212 -He says it's the only alcohol that puts more into your system 1120 01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:26,215 than it takes out. 1121 01:16:26,249 --> 01:16:28,084 -Really? -Hm. 1122 01:16:28,117 --> 01:16:29,653 Dr. Scheef told me about your books. 1123 01:16:29,686 --> 01:16:31,587 He says you're famous. 1124 01:16:31,621 --> 01:16:34,357 -Really? 1125 01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:37,226 -You know, he's amazing. 1126 01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:41,464 There was a German woman, severe ovarian cancer. 1127 01:16:41,497 --> 01:16:44,300 She wanted to go visit her son in LA, 1128 01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,202 but she didn't have money nor a visa. 1129 01:16:46,235 --> 01:16:48,404 And I heard Scheef, he surprised her with both 1130 01:16:48,437 --> 01:16:51,174 for a gift for finishing treatment. 1131 01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,309 -Really? 1132 01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,377 -Really. 1133 01:16:58,414 --> 01:17:00,817 [chuckles] 1134 01:17:00,850 --> 01:17:03,119 [Ken chuckles] 1135 01:17:13,396 --> 01:17:14,698 [Ken] [voice-over] Treya was running the risk 1136 01:17:14,731 --> 01:17:18,134 of catching pneumonia, though she went from 103.6 1137 01:17:18,167 --> 01:17:20,737 to just under a hundred this morning. 1138 01:17:20,770 --> 01:17:22,806 And Dr. Scheef thinks the radiation and sulfamide 1139 01:17:22,839 --> 01:17:25,274 are helping. So... 1140 01:17:25,308 --> 01:17:27,510 looks like we're starting a specialized chemo treatment 1141 01:17:27,543 --> 01:17:30,279 on Monday. 1142 01:17:30,313 --> 01:17:33,649 Treya, still amazing at every turn. 1143 01:17:41,557 --> 01:17:45,361 -Okay. I think I'm ready for lunch. 1144 01:17:45,394 --> 01:17:47,496 [Treya] [voice-over] Dear loved ones, 1145 01:17:47,530 --> 01:17:50,433 I can't thank you enough for your letters and calls. 1146 01:17:52,769 --> 01:17:57,440 It feels wonderful, like floating in a caressing ocean. 1147 01:17:57,473 --> 01:17:58,507 [Roger] [voice-over] And Ken has been the best 1148 01:17:58,541 --> 01:18:01,277 support person. It's unappreciated, 1149 01:18:01,310 --> 01:18:03,880 and yet he's vibrant, with dedication and humor. 1150 01:18:03,913 --> 01:18:05,581 He's half of my soul. 1151 01:18:05,614 --> 01:18:06,883 [Treya] [voice-over] God, I love this man. 1152 01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:11,855 He holds my hand, makes me laugh, 1153 01:18:11,888 --> 01:18:15,792 runs errands, picks out fresh vegetables. 1154 01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:21,364 Kati was just here for ten days. 1155 01:18:21,397 --> 01:18:22,866 -Wow, she's an amazing listener. 1156 01:18:22,899 --> 01:18:26,302 [Treya] [voice-over] Mom and Dad have been so supportive. 1157 01:18:26,335 --> 01:18:29,205 And Ken's parents who are so loving, 1158 01:18:29,238 --> 01:18:32,441 my friends in Colorado, at the CSC, 1159 01:18:32,475 --> 01:18:36,712 my Findhorn friends... and my sweet Vicky. 1160 01:18:36,746 --> 01:18:40,750 -And I have complete faith in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef 1161 01:18:40,784 --> 01:18:43,887 who runs the Janker Klinik. 1162 01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,554 The drug he's using, which he developed, 1163 01:18:45,588 --> 01:18:46,956 only just got approved in the US 1164 01:18:46,990 --> 01:18:49,392 because it's so potent. 1165 01:18:49,425 --> 01:18:52,628 I can't say how much easier it is though. 1166 01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:53,963 -I've moved through a lot. 1167 01:18:53,997 --> 01:18:55,698 From intense anger and crying, 1168 01:18:55,731 --> 01:18:59,702 to thoughts of death and fears of what pain may come. 1169 01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,571 -Then to thoughts of all those suffering on this planet, 1170 01:19:02,605 --> 01:19:04,808 and then I feel a wave of calmness. 1171 01:19:04,841 --> 01:19:07,243 A feeling of not being alone in it, 1172 01:19:07,276 --> 01:19:09,678 and some sort of greater connection. 1173 01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,817 -I read an article in the New York Times yesterday 1174 01:19:13,850 --> 01:19:16,452 on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy. 1175 01:19:16,485 --> 01:19:19,455 She found that for the survival rate of women 1176 01:19:19,488 --> 01:19:21,825 who had had advanced breast cancer, 1177 01:19:21,858 --> 01:19:25,661 the only psychological factor that seemed to matter 1178 01:19:25,694 --> 01:19:28,497 was sense of joy in life. 1179 01:19:31,434 --> 01:19:36,272 That first noble truth: there is suffering in the world. 1180 01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:37,773 To take part in it 1181 01:19:37,807 --> 01:19:40,509 feels like I'm engaged on a special journey, 1182 01:19:40,543 --> 01:19:43,779 only taken up by those who can handle it. 1183 01:19:43,813 --> 01:19:47,616 I call it passionate equanimity. 1184 01:19:47,650 --> 01:19:52,588 I do all I can, but without attachment to the results. 1185 01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:54,423 Just for the love of it. 1186 01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:55,424 [Treya] [voice-over] Just for the love of it. 1187 01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:56,792 -The love of life. 1188 01:19:56,826 --> 01:19:57,927 [Treya] [voice-over] The love of life. 1189 01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:07,036 -Hey, Norbert. Yeah, I'm up in the room. 1190 01:20:07,070 --> 01:20:09,738 Am I missing any action at the front desk? 1191 01:20:09,772 --> 01:20:13,409 No, no, um, maybe just some towels. 1192 01:20:13,442 --> 01:20:15,578 Yeah, she's recovering from the second. 1193 01:20:15,611 --> 01:20:16,712 It's a lung infection, 1194 01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:19,415 so I've had to stay away while her counts are low. 1195 01:20:19,448 --> 01:20:20,649 Mm-hm. 1196 01:20:20,683 --> 01:20:22,051 Yeah, I'm journaling, you know her. 1197 01:20:24,020 --> 01:20:27,756 Yeah, I can't believe it. It's almost four months. 1198 01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:29,658 Listen, uh, I'm going to go out for a while, 1199 01:20:29,692 --> 01:20:34,330 in case she calls. I just, I just need to get some air. 1200 01:20:34,363 --> 01:20:35,664 Yeah, thanks. 1201 01:20:48,777 --> 01:20:49,712 -Ken! 1202 01:20:55,618 --> 01:20:59,755 No more drinking for you. You have to be strong. 1203 01:20:59,788 --> 01:21:00,890 [Ken] I don't want to be strong, Norbert. 1204 01:21:03,059 --> 01:21:05,461 I want to be weak and spineless for a while. 1205 01:21:06,829 --> 01:21:08,597 [Norbert] Ken. 1206 01:21:08,631 --> 01:21:09,532 -Suits me better. 1207 01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:11,800 [Norbert] Ken. 1208 01:21:11,834 --> 01:21:13,469 [door pulled shut] 1209 01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:24,080 [Ken] [voice-over] Men and women were once whole, 1210 01:21:24,113 --> 01:21:25,714 but were torn in two. 1211 01:21:25,748 --> 01:21:28,384 Men and women were once whole but were torn in two, 1212 01:21:28,417 --> 01:21:31,420 and the pursuit and desire of that whole. 1213 01:21:31,454 --> 01:21:33,856 And the pursuit and desire of that whole is called love. 1214 01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,658 [echoes] Is called love. 1215 01:22:14,197 --> 01:22:17,100 [sobbing bitterly] 1216 01:22:35,818 --> 01:22:38,687 [song playing in background] 1217 01:24:43,246 --> 01:24:47,616 [Ken] I think I had a dream. I was looking for you. 1218 01:24:47,650 --> 01:24:50,986 There was a mountain. 1219 01:24:51,019 --> 01:24:54,757 And an ocean. 1220 01:24:54,790 --> 01:24:57,293 And millions of stars. 1221 01:25:01,864 --> 01:25:02,998 Where were you? 1222 01:25:07,002 --> 01:25:09,705 [Treya] Here. 1223 01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:11,874 And am I ever glad you're here too. 1224 01:25:14,310 --> 01:25:17,213 You always promised you'd find me, you know. 1225 01:25:21,984 --> 01:25:25,221 [Ken] Maybe we're in each other's dream. 1226 01:25:25,254 --> 01:25:26,389 [whispers] Is that possible? 1227 01:25:31,260 --> 01:25:32,295 [Treya] Give me your hand. 1228 01:25:45,107 --> 01:25:47,676 -[reading] "Sam, I'm only updating you because you said 1229 01:25:47,710 --> 01:25:50,246 "otherwise you wouldn't publish my next book 1230 01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:52,881 in the event I ever write one." 1231 01:25:52,915 --> 01:25:53,949 [Ken] [voice-over] We've tried all the treatments 1232 01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,051 sane men have come up with. 1233 01:25:56,084 --> 01:25:58,854 None of them have worked, so we've settled on 1234 01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:01,324 the Kelly/Gonzales enzyme program. 1235 01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:04,026 Gonzales runs it now. He says Kelly went bonkers, 1236 01:26:04,059 --> 01:26:07,930 that he's out there talking to little men from other planets. 1237 01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:11,200 Somehow Treya and I found that strangely reassuring. 1238 01:26:11,234 --> 01:26:13,101 The studies are actually amazing. 1239 01:26:13,135 --> 01:26:14,703 The five-year survival rate 1240 01:26:14,737 --> 01:26:16,939 for Treya's general type of metastatic breast cancer 1241 01:26:16,972 --> 01:26:18,974 is exactly zero percent. 1242 01:26:19,007 --> 01:26:20,976 But in Gonzales' study, there are already three 1243 01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:24,747 five-year plus survivors, even one over 17 years. 1244 01:26:24,780 --> 01:26:27,783 So, it's no fly-by-night clinic, 1245 01:26:27,816 --> 01:26:31,654 though we would try those too if we thought it would help. 1246 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:33,222 Gonzales uses blood analysis 1247 01:26:33,256 --> 01:26:36,259 to indicate the extent of tumor activity, 1248 01:26:36,292 --> 01:26:39,262 and before we told him, he nailed all the same facts 1249 01:26:39,295 --> 01:26:42,097 informed of through conventional medicine. 1250 01:26:42,130 --> 01:26:44,667 His test measures tumor activity in the body 1251 01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:48,103 from zero to 50, with 45 being incurable. 1252 01:26:48,136 --> 01:26:51,274 Treya scored a 38. 1253 01:26:51,307 --> 01:26:54,243 The disconcerting thing is that when it's working, 1254 01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:57,446 when tumors are being dissolved, they flare up. 1255 01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,916 So, Gonzales' tests showing that Treya is getting better 1256 01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:02,785 is interpreted by the conventional doctors 1257 01:27:02,818 --> 01:27:06,021 that Treya is dying. 1258 01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:09,725 And Treya, of course, handles this like a champion. 1259 01:27:12,194 --> 01:27:14,263 And Hazel'll be happy to know, if I don't write another book, 1260 01:27:14,297 --> 01:27:16,899 I'll be able to make it as a care person, 1261 01:27:16,932 --> 01:27:18,401 or at least a maid. 1262 01:27:20,336 --> 01:27:24,340 Like a couple of kids, somehow, we're having a ball with it. 1263 01:27:27,776 --> 01:27:29,211 [Dr. John] [over phone] An average CEA, 1264 01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,947 which indicates the amount of active cancer in your body, 1265 01:27:31,980 --> 01:27:33,849 measures zero to five. 1266 01:27:33,882 --> 01:27:36,819 Yours was 7.7 in January. 1267 01:27:36,852 --> 01:27:39,355 After your first treatment in Germany, it was 13, 1268 01:27:39,388 --> 01:27:42,325 then 16.7 when you got home. 1269 01:27:42,358 --> 01:27:45,027 This read is at 21. 1270 01:27:45,060 --> 01:27:49,164 Now, Treya, I'm telling you that what we're seeing here is real. 1271 01:27:49,197 --> 01:27:51,900 I strongly recommend starting an immediate high-dose chemo 1272 01:27:51,934 --> 01:27:53,802 followed by a bone marrow transplant. 1273 01:27:53,836 --> 01:27:55,137 [Treya] Thank you. [sighs] 1274 01:27:55,170 --> 01:27:57,473 We're gonna talk it over and we'll let you know. 1275 01:27:57,506 --> 01:27:58,407 [Dr. John] [over phone] Okay. 1276 01:28:02,845 --> 01:28:05,781 [paper rustling] 1277 01:28:07,350 --> 01:28:10,252 [phone dial beeping] 1278 01:28:12,321 --> 01:28:15,223 [phone ringing] 1279 01:28:15,257 --> 01:28:16,892 [Lisa] [over phone] Dr. Gonzales' office. 1280 01:28:16,925 --> 01:28:19,495 [Treya] Hi Lisa. It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales. 1281 01:28:19,528 --> 01:28:21,830 [Lisa] [over phone] Oh hi, Treya, one moment. 1282 01:28:21,864 --> 01:28:22,865 [Treya] Thank you. 1283 01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:27,470 [Dr. Gonzales] [over phone] Hey guys, great news. 1284 01:28:27,503 --> 01:28:30,773 Your score dropped from 38 to 33, 1285 01:28:30,806 --> 01:28:32,475 the biggest drop I've ever seen 1286 01:28:32,508 --> 01:28:34,777 in only one month on the program. 1287 01:28:34,810 --> 01:28:36,879 Now, some of that drop may be due to 1288 01:28:36,912 --> 01:28:38,981 the anti-estrogens you're taking, 1289 01:28:39,014 --> 01:28:42,351 but I think this is definitely gonna work. 1290 01:28:42,385 --> 01:28:43,819 [John Denver] [singing] * Nicola 1291 01:28:43,852 --> 01:28:45,287 [crowd applauds] 1292 01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,223 [John Denver] [singing] * Whatever love will make 1293 01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:54,963 * Love erases 1294 01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:59,001 * And all these twins 1295 01:28:59,034 --> 01:29:03,105 * With different faces 1296 01:29:03,138 --> 01:29:07,543 * Fallen from the womb 1297 01:29:07,576 --> 01:29:12,014 * Risen from the tomb 1298 01:29:12,047 --> 01:29:15,017 * Carried in perfume 1299 01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:19,254 * Nicola 1300 01:29:22,991 --> 01:29:25,894 [crowd applauds] 1301 01:29:29,565 --> 01:29:31,233 [John Denver] Thank you. 1302 01:29:31,266 --> 01:29:34,369 I have one more for you called "I Want To Live," 1303 01:29:34,403 --> 01:29:37,372 but first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 1304 01:29:37,406 --> 01:29:39,307 who's going to share a few words. 1305 01:29:39,341 --> 01:29:41,109 Treya Wilber. 1306 01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:44,046 [crowd applauds] 1307 01:29:47,516 --> 01:29:48,617 [Treya] Thank you. 1308 01:29:48,651 --> 01:29:49,552 [John Denver] Yeah. 1309 01:30:02,431 --> 01:30:07,035 -Hello. My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1310 01:30:07,069 --> 01:30:10,372 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 1311 01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,075 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1312 01:30:15,210 --> 01:30:19,081 Five years ago, in August of '83, 1313 01:30:19,114 --> 01:30:23,018 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1314 01:30:23,051 --> 01:30:26,455 I always used to call it love at first touch. 1315 01:30:26,489 --> 01:30:28,290 We were married. 1316 01:30:28,323 --> 01:30:30,593 And then, ten days after our wedding, 1317 01:30:30,626 --> 01:30:33,629 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1318 01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:37,700 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1319 01:30:39,602 --> 01:30:43,071 Since then, I've had two recurrences, 1320 01:30:43,105 --> 01:30:45,140 and many types of treatment, 1321 01:30:45,173 --> 01:30:47,442 both conventional and alternative. 1322 01:30:49,177 --> 01:30:51,680 But in January of this year, 1323 01:30:51,714 --> 01:30:55,450 we discovered the cancer had metastasized, 1324 01:30:55,484 --> 01:30:58,521 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1325 01:31:01,023 --> 01:31:03,692 So, when Tommy asked me to speak at this event, 1326 01:31:03,726 --> 01:31:08,363 I thought, well, perhaps I can look at 1327 01:31:08,396 --> 01:31:12,501 what I've done with my life since the diagnosis. 1328 01:31:12,535 --> 01:31:14,402 I co-founded the Cancer Support Community 1329 01:31:14,436 --> 01:31:17,005 in San Francisco. 1330 01:31:17,039 --> 01:31:18,507 I've written as honestly as I can 1331 01:31:18,541 --> 01:31:20,375 about my inner explorations 1332 01:31:20,408 --> 01:31:24,279 in a way that many tell me they've found helpful. 1333 01:31:24,312 --> 01:31:26,414 And I plan to publish a book. 1334 01:31:26,448 --> 01:31:28,751 Maybe my letters to many of you will be in it. 1335 01:31:31,019 --> 01:31:35,591 But then I realized, oh, I'd fallen into a familiar trap. 1336 01:31:35,624 --> 01:31:40,028 I'm equating success with achievement. 1337 01:31:40,062 --> 01:31:45,000 Learning to make friends with perhaps painful death 1338 01:31:45,033 --> 01:31:46,268 has taught me a great deal 1339 01:31:46,301 --> 01:31:50,739 about making friends with myself as I am, 1340 01:31:50,773 --> 01:31:54,710 and a great deal about making friends with life as it is. 1341 01:31:57,379 --> 01:31:59,314 There's an old saying, 1342 01:31:59,347 --> 01:32:03,451 it's popular among people with cancer that goes... 1343 01:32:03,485 --> 01:32:05,588 "Life is terminal." [chuckles] 1344 01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:09,024 I'm lucky because I've been given advanced warning 1345 01:32:09,057 --> 01:32:12,094 and the time to act on that warning. 1346 01:32:12,127 --> 01:32:15,598 [inhales deeply] Because I can no longer ignore death, 1347 01:32:15,631 --> 01:32:18,500 I pay more attention to life. 1348 01:32:18,533 --> 01:32:21,403 [crowd applauds and cheers] 1349 01:32:38,353 --> 01:32:41,256 [***] 1350 01:33:07,182 --> 01:33:09,317 -Yes, it's true that if the enzymes 1351 01:33:09,351 --> 01:33:11,586 Gonzales has you on were breaking the tumors down, 1352 01:33:11,620 --> 01:33:12,721 they would swell, 1353 01:33:12,755 --> 01:33:15,624 and a CAT scan wouldn't differentiate that. 1354 01:33:15,658 --> 01:33:18,360 But you have an average tumor growth rate 1355 01:33:18,393 --> 01:33:21,363 of over 30 percent in a short period of time. 1356 01:33:21,396 --> 01:33:23,699 And because of the growth of the large brain tumor 1357 01:33:23,732 --> 01:33:25,333 and the swelling of the right brain, 1358 01:33:25,367 --> 01:33:26,802 it's pushed the left side of your brain 1359 01:33:26,835 --> 01:33:28,737 just a bit out of place. 1360 01:33:28,771 --> 01:33:31,139 So this is what accounts for some of your symptoms, 1361 01:33:31,173 --> 01:33:35,678 the headaches, the fullness, disorientation. 1362 01:33:35,711 --> 01:33:38,113 -That's why the pain in the back of my eyes 1363 01:33:38,146 --> 01:33:41,283 goes away when I sleep with my head raised. 1364 01:33:41,316 --> 01:33:46,321 -Yes. Now, look. 1365 01:33:46,354 --> 01:33:49,157 I am familiar with Gonzalez's program 1366 01:33:49,191 --> 01:33:50,492 and I don't mean to alarm you, 1367 01:33:50,525 --> 01:33:52,594 but I do want you to hear it straight. 1368 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:54,196 Despite what his radiologist says, 1369 01:33:54,229 --> 01:33:56,164 this is not an inflammatory reaction 1370 01:33:56,198 --> 01:33:57,800 brought on by tumor necrosis. 1371 01:33:57,833 --> 01:34:00,568 -If your understanding of this is accurate, though, 1372 01:34:00,602 --> 01:34:03,538 chemo doesn't offer a solution either, correct? 1373 01:34:07,142 --> 01:34:08,410 -Likely not. 1374 01:34:08,443 --> 01:34:11,313 Though there are other drugs you can try with it. 1375 01:34:11,346 --> 01:34:14,917 -I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of pain. 1376 01:34:18,320 --> 01:34:19,888 -Let me assure you, we can handle that. 1377 01:34:21,623 --> 01:34:23,225 I promise you that won't happen. 1378 01:34:26,228 --> 01:34:28,697 [Treya breathes deeply] 1379 01:34:30,232 --> 01:34:32,768 -Otherwise, you okay? 1380 01:34:34,803 --> 01:34:35,838 -Yes. 1381 01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:42,210 When I die, I'll just dissolve back. 1382 01:34:43,545 --> 01:34:45,247 That's not frightening. 1383 01:34:48,250 --> 01:34:50,385 -You know, I have never had a patient like you. 1384 01:34:52,487 --> 01:34:53,655 May I tell you that? 1385 01:34:59,895 --> 01:35:01,196 -Thank you. 1386 01:35:02,297 --> 01:35:05,333 [thunder rumbling] 1387 01:35:09,738 --> 01:35:12,640 [somber music] 1388 01:35:38,333 --> 01:35:41,236 [thunder rumbling] 1389 01:35:45,540 --> 01:35:46,541 -Hi, babe. 1390 01:35:49,912 --> 01:35:51,246 -Hey, lover. 1391 01:35:53,248 --> 01:35:55,350 I was looking for you in my dream. 1392 01:36:01,756 --> 01:36:03,691 -I was looking for you in this house. 1393 01:36:03,725 --> 01:36:05,027 [Treya chuckles] 1394 01:36:06,361 --> 01:36:07,695 -I was dreaming about you too. 1395 01:36:07,729 --> 01:36:10,632 [thunder rumbling] 1396 01:36:14,870 --> 01:36:17,572 -I can barely feel it, 1397 01:36:17,605 --> 01:36:19,041 but it's cold, huh? 1398 01:36:20,608 --> 01:36:22,777 [Ken] Does this answer that? 1399 01:36:22,811 --> 01:36:25,747 [Treya chuckles] 1400 01:36:25,780 --> 01:36:27,715 -Let's get back to bed. 1401 01:36:31,486 --> 01:36:35,557 [breathing deeply] 1402 01:36:35,590 --> 01:36:37,459 Can you carry me? 1403 01:36:40,462 --> 01:36:41,463 -Of course. 1404 01:36:44,732 --> 01:36:47,635 [thunder rumbling] 1405 01:36:57,645 --> 01:37:01,649 [Ken] [voice-over] "Moreover, much as you may wander, 1406 01:37:01,683 --> 01:37:04,552 "you must return ultimately to the Self, 1407 01:37:12,027 --> 01:37:15,330 "so why not abide in the Self here and now. 1408 01:37:18,033 --> 01:37:20,768 Grace is there all along." 1409 01:37:22,938 --> 01:37:25,874 [***] 1410 01:37:27,642 --> 01:37:28,776 [Treya] I'm going. 1411 01:37:36,919 --> 01:37:38,086 -Okay. 1412 01:37:49,631 --> 01:37:54,669 -Wait. Wait. Sweetheart... 1413 01:37:58,540 --> 01:38:00,642 I want to write something in my journal. 1414 01:38:00,675 --> 01:38:03,545 [breathing rapidly] 1415 01:38:46,654 --> 01:38:47,789 Do you understand? 1416 01:38:50,892 --> 01:38:51,960 -I think so. 1417 01:38:58,766 --> 01:38:59,968 Come on, gorgeous. 1418 01:39:02,504 --> 01:39:04,172 Let me take my girl to our room. 1419 01:39:28,530 --> 01:39:31,199 [Treya breathing deeply] 1420 01:39:42,144 --> 01:39:46,781 -I'm going. I can't believe it. 1421 01:39:48,050 --> 01:39:49,684 I'm going. 1422 01:39:52,854 --> 01:39:59,794 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1423 01:39:59,827 --> 01:40:02,664 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1424 01:40:02,697 --> 01:40:05,600 [breathing deeply] 1425 01:40:10,038 --> 01:40:12,006 But I don't want to leave you. 1426 01:40:12,040 --> 01:40:15,510 [cries] 1427 01:40:15,543 --> 01:40:16,878 I love you so much. 1428 01:40:18,246 --> 01:40:21,683 I can't leave you. 1429 01:40:21,716 --> 01:40:23,585 [crying] I love you so much. 1430 01:40:23,618 --> 01:40:26,054 [crying] 1431 01:40:26,088 --> 01:40:27,789 [Ken] Honey. 1432 01:40:31,559 --> 01:40:33,095 -I love you so much. 1433 01:40:34,629 --> 01:40:40,502 -Honey, if it's time to go, then it's time to go. 1434 01:40:40,535 --> 01:40:44,639 Don't worry, I'll find you. 1435 01:40:45,840 --> 01:40:47,709 I found you before. 1436 01:40:49,043 --> 01:40:52,180 I promise I'll find you again. 1437 01:40:54,782 --> 01:40:56,551 -You promise you'll find me? 1438 01:40:58,586 --> 01:41:00,088 -I promise. 1439 01:41:12,134 --> 01:41:14,035 I promise. 1440 01:41:25,180 --> 01:41:27,282 -Forever and forever? 1441 01:41:27,315 --> 01:41:29,684 -Forever and forever. 1442 01:41:38,226 --> 01:41:39,894 -Then I can go. 1443 01:41:42,297 --> 01:41:44,166 I can't believe it. 1444 01:41:45,267 --> 01:41:46,701 I'm so happy. 1445 01:41:47,802 --> 01:41:50,605 [breathing deeply] 1446 01:41:54,376 --> 01:41:58,646 This has been so much harder than I thought. 1447 01:41:58,680 --> 01:42:01,616 [crying] 1448 01:42:03,218 --> 01:42:06,854 It's been so hard. 1449 01:42:06,888 --> 01:42:09,090 Oh honey, it's been so hard. 1450 01:42:12,260 --> 01:42:16,964 -I know, sweetheart. I know. 1451 01:42:16,998 --> 01:42:19,901 [Treya breathing deeply] 1452 01:42:24,172 --> 01:42:25,840 -You promise you'll be there? 1453 01:42:28,376 --> 01:42:32,980 -I promise you I'll be there. 1454 01:42:38,720 --> 01:42:41,656 [cries] 1455 01:42:53,768 --> 01:42:56,103 -You're the greatest man I've ever known. 1456 01:42:58,840 --> 01:43:00,107 My champion. 1457 01:43:02,710 --> 01:43:04,279 My champion. 1458 01:43:20,795 --> 01:43:22,196 [Ken] [whispers] I'll find you. 1459 01:43:24,866 --> 01:43:27,769 [breathing deeply] 1460 01:43:39,247 --> 01:43:41,849 [sniffles] You're the only... 1461 01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:52,226 I'll find you, honey. [sniffles] 1462 01:43:54,996 --> 01:43:56,864 I will... 1463 01:44:29,030 --> 01:44:31,533 [crying] 1464 01:45:06,233 --> 01:45:09,136 [somber music] 1465 01:45:37,031 --> 01:45:39,967 [***] 1466 01:45:41,869 --> 01:45:42,937 [Treya] [voice-over] You promise? 1467 01:45:46,841 --> 01:45:48,042 [Ken] [voice-over] I promise. 1468 01:46:03,290 --> 01:46:06,193 [***] 1469 01:46:11,032 --> 01:46:13,200 -My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1470 01:46:13,234 --> 01:46:15,336 A lot of you've known me in the past as Terry. 1471 01:46:15,369 --> 01:46:17,138 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1472 01:46:19,574 --> 01:46:22,944 Five years ago this same month, in August of '83, 1473 01:46:22,977 --> 01:46:26,113 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1474 01:46:26,147 --> 01:46:29,216 I always called it love at first touch. 1475 01:46:29,250 --> 01:46:31,953 We were married less than four months later. 1476 01:46:31,986 --> 01:46:33,555 But ten days after our wedding, 1477 01:46:33,588 --> 01:46:37,224 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1478 01:46:37,258 --> 01:46:38,893 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1479 01:46:41,295 --> 01:46:43,230 I've...I've had two local recurrences 1480 01:46:43,264 --> 01:46:44,499 and a number of treatments, 1481 01:46:44,532 --> 01:46:46,300 both conventional and alternative, 1482 01:46:46,333 --> 01:46:48,970 in the intervening years. 1483 01:46:49,003 --> 01:46:50,271 But just this January, 1484 01:46:50,304 --> 01:46:53,007 we discovered that the cancer had metastasized, 1485 01:46:53,040 --> 01:46:55,309 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1486 01:46:56,544 --> 01:46:58,012 The doctors we've consulted have said 1487 01:46:58,045 --> 01:47:01,583 I have two to four years to live. 1488 01:47:01,616 --> 01:47:04,218 Because I could no longer ignore death, 1489 01:47:04,251 --> 01:47:06,020 I pay more attention to life. 1490 01:47:08,355 --> 01:47:10,492 [Ken] [voice-over] In the years after Treya passed, 1491 01:47:10,525 --> 01:47:14,996 I began slowly working my way back into the world. 1492 01:47:15,029 --> 01:47:18,600 I began writing again, starting with Grace and Grit , 1493 01:47:18,633 --> 01:47:22,336 which I had promised her I would write. 1494 01:47:22,369 --> 01:47:25,239 Usually, my books are dedicated to a person 1495 01:47:25,272 --> 01:47:27,609 important in my life. 1496 01:47:27,642 --> 01:47:32,013 But the next ten books I wrote over the next ten years 1497 01:47:32,046 --> 01:47:34,448 had no dedications at all 1498 01:47:34,482 --> 01:47:37,685 because each of them were dedicated to her 1499 01:47:37,719 --> 01:47:42,590 in simple, ongoing gratefulness. 1500 01:47:42,624 --> 01:47:46,260 Those years with Treya are etched into my soul 1501 01:47:46,293 --> 01:47:49,597 and somehow, our love lives on. 1502 01:47:51,499 --> 01:47:54,335 ["Nicola" performed by Stuart Davis] 1503 01:48:10,051 --> 01:48:13,287 * We rattle a gateless gate 1504 01:48:18,459 --> 01:48:22,163 * And push against A weightless weight * 1505 01:48:27,268 --> 01:48:30,504 * Looking for A stateless state * 1506 01:48:34,175 --> 01:48:36,243 * Nicola 1507 01:48:37,612 --> 01:48:40,514 * Whatever love will make 1508 01:48:42,116 --> 01:48:45,452 * Love erases 1509 01:48:47,288 --> 01:48:51,025 * And all these twins 1510 01:48:51,058 --> 01:48:54,095 * With different faces 1511 01:48:55,496 --> 01:48:59,500 * Fallen from the womb 1512 01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:04,171 * Risen from the tomb 1513 01:49:04,205 --> 01:49:07,241 * Carried in perfume 1514 01:49:09,376 --> 01:49:11,378 * Nicola 1515 01:49:14,081 --> 01:49:20,421 * Ooohh 1516 01:49:22,456 --> 01:49:27,662 * Ooohh 1517 01:49:29,196 --> 01:49:32,767 * All the ones alive today 1518 01:49:37,839 --> 01:49:41,542 * Are the ones That passed away * 1519 01:49:46,681 --> 01:49:50,384 * Are the ones Who're on their way * 1520 01:49:53,520 --> 01:49:55,522 * Nicola 1521 01:49:57,091 --> 01:50:00,127 * Whatever love will take 1522 01:50:01,428 --> 01:50:05,299 * Love replaces 1523 01:50:06,567 --> 01:50:10,271 * And all these twins 1524 01:50:10,304 --> 01:50:13,574 * With different faces 1525 01:50:14,776 --> 01:50:19,080 * Fallen from the womb 1526 01:50:19,113 --> 01:50:23,350 * Risen from the tomb 1527 01:50:23,384 --> 01:50:26,888 * Carried in perfume 1528 01:50:28,856 --> 01:50:30,892 * Nicola 1529 01:50:33,460 --> 01:50:40,534 * Ooohh 1530 01:50:42,169 --> 01:50:46,808 * Ooohh 1531 01:51:06,493 --> 01:51:09,396 [music fades out]