1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,902 Thank you. 4 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:38,072 I have one more for you, called "I Want To Live." 5 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:41,142 But first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 6 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,943 who's going to share a few words. 7 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,578 Treya Wilber. 8 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,120 Thank you. 9 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:52,820 Yeah. 10 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,935 Hello. 11 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,904 My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 12 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,007 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 13 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:19,147 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 14 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,816 Five years ago, in August of '83, 15 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,620 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 16 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:30,291 I always used to call it love at first touch. 17 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,903 "Dear Friends, 18 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,807 Remember those lists I used to make... 19 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:51,345 my wish list for the perfect man? 20 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,681 Well, at 36, I certainly didn't think 21 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,818 that man could still happen to me. 22 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,889 Yep, love, I've finally found him. 23 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,925 His name is Ken Wilber. 24 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,660 Maybe you've heard of him. 25 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:10,198 He's revered as "the Einstein of Consciousness." 26 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,600 At the CAL Institute for Psychological Studies 27 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:19,139 was where I first read this Mr. Wilber's work. 28 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,642 I didn't think much of this until a few weeks later 29 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,844 when Frances called to invite me to dinner with Ken 30 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,247 at her and Roger's home. 31 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,849 It needs to be explored and maybe you'll find that answer. 32 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,819 Uh, we're trying to have kids, 33 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,321 but it's not working. 34 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,322 Ken and I just barely had a chance 35 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,123 to say hello when our two friends 36 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,960 began to bring up some problems in their relationship. 37 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,830 -It's important to differentiate, to understand... 38 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,265 Ken was asked to be therapist 39 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,933 for the evening. 40 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,167 But it's like there's something stopping... 41 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,202 But the love is there. 42 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,970 Which was fine, 43 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,839 because it gave me some time to get used to his shaved head. 44 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,715 -So, um, Frances and Roger told me you're like, 45 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,783 the most amazing woman to walk the planet. 46 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:17,057 Please... 47 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:22,963 They say you're amazing too. 48 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,951 Well, good night. 49 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,019 Bye, and good night. 50 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,522 -Hey, look, um... 51 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,890 I know this sounds strange, 52 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:55,028 but when I hugged you in the kitchen, 53 00:04:55,062 --> 00:05:00,133 I felt like... 54 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,805 I never wanted to let you go. 55 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:05,839 -Yeah. - 56 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:11,379 -Yeah, me too... 57 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,981 Good night. -Good night. 58 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,502 -I found her. 59 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:43,210 I've really found her. 60 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,381 I noticed a series of subtle 61 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,116 energy currents running through my body 62 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:53,387 like an earnest series... 63 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,589 The softness of the air... 64 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,924 ...slow energy currents 65 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,493 an energy that lies asleep until aroused by 66 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,895 the right person or event. An energy... 67 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,296 Be touched like that. 68 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,035 Deep caring, like he touched me. 69 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,503 -...the right person. 70 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,338 -Gentleness. 71 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,441 An energy that seemed to radiate from her 72 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,875 in all directions. 73 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,444 Willingness to support. 74 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,379 First through his words and what it showed of him... 75 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:22,015 An energy of vast intelligence 76 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,283 from the right person... 77 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,186 Asking questions. 78 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,857 The depth of his brown eyes, and then an easy melting. 79 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,292 Suffused with beauty. 80 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,897 But mostly an energy that was alive. 81 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:43,504 This woman said life more than anyone I had ever known. 82 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:48,041 Of truth... 83 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,343 and finding it. 84 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,146 And God, she was alive! 85 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,115 The softness. 86 00:06:55,148 --> 00:07:01,021 I trust him more than... as if I already know him. 87 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:15,569 In case I read this in the future, 88 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,639 just to be clear, 89 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:26,179 Treya and I have not slept together. 90 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,481 We simply put our arms around each other, 91 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:31,218 once in the kitchen, and once shortly after. 92 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:35,989 That was the sum total of our involvement. 93 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:39,927 Though I certainly sense there is more to come. 94 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,961 I became obsessed 95 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,663 with the thought of Ken... 96 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,490 I'll take all these. 97 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,260 I-I'm just checking them out for some friends. 98 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,629 -Hm. 99 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,498 So, then I got a job as a dishwasher, 100 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:22,102 earning 350 dollars a month and sending 100 of that 101 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:26,707 to Sam at Shambhala Publications for mail order books. 102 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,678 And I wrote that book. 103 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:35,315 The Spectrum of Consciousness , I loved it. 104 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:40,688 And then five more books in five years. Right? 105 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,322 -Have you been stalking me? 106 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,191 -Yeah. I'm looking for a good dishwasher. 107 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,728 -Yeah. I bus tables too, ya know. 108 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:02,442 -What's something that no one probably knows about you? 109 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:08,115 -I wrote out all of Alan Watts' books by hand. 110 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,284 -All right, that's pretty exhausting. 111 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,521 I don't think anybody needs to know that. 112 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:21,194 -So why are you a psychologist? 113 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,796 -I think growing up, I never had a place 114 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:26,233 to put my thoughts and feelings. 115 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,201 My parents are wonderful. 116 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,205 highly conventional. 117 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,608 -Mm. The old guard? 118 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,645 -They did well in oil and investments. 119 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:41,114 And I think it's just reflective of the social circles 120 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,415 they're in as well. 121 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:49,356 But they love me enormously. 122 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,658 Anyhow, it makes it 123 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,425 so that I can afford to date authors, you know. 124 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,062 Well, that's okay. 125 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,397 You know, I'm a great dishwasher, 126 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,932 and I sell a few books. 127 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,785 Has anything like this ever happened to you? 128 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,553 -No. 129 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:23,824 Nothing like this. 130 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,694 How about you? 131 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:33,333 -Never, not like this. 132 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,403 -Oh, god. 133 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,438 -It's bigger than the two of us, pilgrim. 134 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,444 -So you've only known him a few weeks, Treya! 135 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,880 -And you've never raved about a guy, like ever. 136 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:23,683 -Mm-hm. And you have not dated a boy in over two years. 137 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:29,622 -I know. I know. He's, he's amazing. 138 00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:32,760 He's just so lovable. 139 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:37,697 -So you think you might get, you know, you might? 140 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:38,799 You better. 141 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:43,570 -I think well...yes! We will get married. 142 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,209 -Oh, my god. Finally! 143 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,913 -I haven't heard you say that word 144 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,515 since you were three years old when you used to play dress up. 145 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,794 -Not only do I approve, 146 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,262 I'm a little worried she's getting shortchanged, pal. 147 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,665 -I know. - 148 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:32,652 -So what did you tell Sam about me? 149 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:39,827 -Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam that if she'll have me, 150 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:44,932 that... this is the girl that I'd like to marry. 151 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:48,268 -Of course. 152 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:54,574 I was gonna ask you. 153 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,952 -When I met your daddy, 154 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:09,556 I was so busy with my life, but I knew he was the one. 155 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,393 -It's all I've ever wanted for you. 156 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,530 So I want you to know, honey: I am here for you, 157 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,034 come rain or come shine. Love you. 158 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:26,539 -Mom. 159 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,807 -Go get your man. 160 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,390 -I love you more than life. 161 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,295 I just can't believe it's real. 162 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:55,035 I've known you less than four months. 163 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:59,339 -I've been searching for you for a hundred lifetimes. 164 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:05,312 I've slain a thousand dragons to find you. 165 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,015 I love you to the depths of the ocean, 166 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,417 beyond the height of the mountains, 167 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,419 beyond the heat of the sun... 168 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,388 beyond time... 169 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,492 forever. Forever. 170 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,475 -Let's go get married. 171 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,359 -You know, when I recently opened up 172 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,395 a box of books that Treya sent to me, I thought, 173 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:59,132 "Ah, Treya has discovered my favorite writer." 174 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,834 And then I opened her letter. 175 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,904 "Oh, Treya is marrying my favorite writer." 176 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,909 -Ken, Treya, you're gathered here today 177 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:13,446 being bound not only as lovers, but as souls 178 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,683 to continually bring out the courageous and beautiful 179 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,851 from inside one another. 180 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:23,090 And here, now, like a bridge joining two lands, 181 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:26,559 we witness the joining of these two souls through love, 182 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,696 entering into a dance from this day forward 183 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:33,733 to unite separateness, to pierce time, 184 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:41,041 and to leap together into eternity. 185 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:46,980 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 186 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:52,519 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 187 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,721 -My wife. 188 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:17,910 -Please stand. 189 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,806 -I know, Mom, it's a miracle. 190 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,542 I finish classes, Ken has some final editing, 191 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,579 and then Hawaii. 192 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,646 -Hawaii? 193 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,614 Yes, Hawaii. 194 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,949 So we'll see you at Christmas. 195 00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,786 -All right. Um, you know, honey... 196 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:03,790 I'm...I'm just not crazy about his writing. 197 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,492 I just opened it, 198 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,994 and there was a picture of somebody humping. 199 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,562 -Mom, Mom, I gotta go. 200 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,697 -But as long as you're happy. 201 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,964 -Okay. Bye, Mom. 202 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,067 -All right. Love you. 203 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:19,106 I love you too. 204 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,774 -I guess I said the wrong thing. 205 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,916 Okay. 206 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,286 And now I'm gonna examine the left breast. 207 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,896 Now I'm going to do the right. 208 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:08,188 Do you know you have a lump in your right breast? 209 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,756 -What? 210 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:14,561 -Well, it's fairly large and hard. 211 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,997 But it's not attached to the muscle and moves easily. 212 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,900 My guess is it's nothing to worry about. 213 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,635 Maybe just a cyst. 214 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,771 -What do you think we should do? 215 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,207 -Why don't we wait a month and see if it changes in size. 216 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,709 It could change with your menstrual cycle. 217 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:30,977 Come back and see me in a month. 218 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,011 Okay. 219 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,998 -It's hard, which is bad. 220 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,667 But it's symmetrical and detached, 221 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,870 which is good, so don't worry. 222 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:02,875 Let's get a second opinion. 223 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:07,280 And no, nothing is gonna tear me away from you. 224 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,383 -Nothing. 225 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,652 Good, Mr. Wilber. 226 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,321 I hope not. 227 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,227 I think you're done for tonight. 228 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,228 -Bye-bye, book. 229 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:27,099 -Bye-bye, book. - 230 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,736 -If only I could have everything 231 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:33,873 that's inside of this beautiful mind. 232 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:34,907 -If only I could have everything 233 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:43,115 inside this beautiful heart. 234 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:52,759 -All right, ready? 235 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,061 Mm. 236 00:19:55,094 --> 00:20:01,000 It's probably a fibroadenoma, a benign growth. 237 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:05,672 Should definitely have it removed. 238 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,374 -We--we leave for our honeymoon, 239 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,376 and then we're gone for two weeks over Christmas. 240 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,777 Can it wait? 241 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,944 Yes, I think so. 242 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,980 No danger in waiting three weeks. 243 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:18,117 Though, I want you to see a surgeon for his opinion. 244 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,986 Um, Dr. Peter Richards. 245 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,154 His office is close to Marin General. 246 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,024 Um, you know, let's give him a call in my office. 247 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,959 He might want to fit you in before the trip. 248 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:27,994 Okay? -Okay. 249 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,762 -Oh, Dr. Peter Richards. 250 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,931 He is wonderful. 251 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:38,004 He did my colon operation 15 years ago at M.D. Anderson. 252 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,105 -He's the Chief of Surgery 253 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,140 at Children's Hospital in San Fran now. 254 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,142 He says it's probably nothing but 255 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,111 just to be safe, he wants to take it out. 256 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,746 Anyhow, I gotta go pack. 257 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,482 -So you have your exam tomorrow and then 258 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,250 you're counseling. Is that right? 259 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,920 -Yes. Dr. Richards will remove the lump 260 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,222 the next day before we fly. 261 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,791 -Oh? All right. 262 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,193 And Ken is taking good care of you? 263 00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:02,995 -Of course he is, Mom. 264 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,497 -Well, I just... 265 00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,765 -You just what? 266 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,300 -Oh, nothing, honey. I just, uh-- 267 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,336 -Mom, listen. 268 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,037 I know what you think 269 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,273 and not everyone understands or agrees with his books. 270 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,142 But, you know, he's more than 271 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,878 what's just written in those books, okay? 272 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,947 -All right. 273 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,449 -I love you. I've got to go pack. 274 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,916 -I love you. 275 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,485 -Bye. 276 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,220 -Safe flight. 277 00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:39,098 -Honey, are we gonna do that swim across the bay? 278 00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,134 -Is the Pope Catholic? 279 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:43,302 -Uh huh. 280 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,104 -Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? 281 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,407 Yes. 282 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,175 -Was Jesus a carpenter? 283 00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:53,045 -Does an obnoxious husband think that he's gonna 284 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,516 get me tonight by asking silly questions? 285 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:57,950 -Oh, that's nice. 286 00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,051 -It is nice. 287 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:04,791 -Soft... 288 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,258 So, do you think we're gonna find dolphins 289 00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:08,094 out there in that ocean? 290 00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,328 Mm-hm. 291 00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:11,431 Maybe we can see some whales? 292 00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:13,933 Or sharks. 293 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,135 This little bay right here. No sharks! 294 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,875 So how old were you 295 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:25,011 when you started menstruating? 296 00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,513 Maybe 14. 297 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:29,549 Okay. Have you ever had a child? 298 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,350 -Uh, no. I've never been pregnant. 299 00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:32,952 -Okay. 300 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,455 Has anyone in your family had breast cancer? 301 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,223 -Not that I know of. 302 00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:41,127 -Okay. And has the lump ever hurt? 303 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,362 -No, never. 304 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,364 -Okay. Are you nervous 305 00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:49,035 about the operation, about the local anesthesia? 306 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,137 I mean, if you--if you are, we can give you something. 307 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,972 No, I feel fine. 308 00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,541 Good. And do you eat meat? 309 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,443 Nope. Vegetarian. 310 00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:57,410 Oh, good for you. 311 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:00,046 All right. 312 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:08,648 -Hi. I'd like to see the Wilbers in my office. 313 00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:09,616 Okay. -Good. 314 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:20,693 -I'm sorry. But the tumor is malignant. 315 00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:29,569 -And, um, the detailed results are--? 316 00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,170 -Yeah, let me get that for you. 317 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,578 Can I get a nurse in my office with the Wilber chart, please? 318 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:41,447 -How? It's so unfair. 319 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:48,087 -This is crazy. 320 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,589 Most medical and scientific information 321 00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:52,324 is either inconclusive or negative. 322 00:24:52,358 --> 00:24:54,293 -Okay. I just read a New Age perspective 323 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:57,664 that says illness is a lesson. 324 00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,131 While most alternative information 325 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,367 is unrelenting and positive. 326 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,670 Did you see that Woody Allen quote? 327 00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:05,171 -It looks like everybody who gets treated 328 00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:07,574 by orthodox medicine dies. 329 00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,711 "I don't get angry. I grow tumors instead." 330 00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:14,146 -The one who gets treated with the alternative medicine lives. 331 00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:18,150 -A film with a giant squirting boob 332 00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:20,319 as a character in it. 333 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,588 Condemned to meaning. 334 00:25:23,322 --> 00:25:25,091 -Are we wearing matching outfits? 335 00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:31,664 By curiosity, or whatever design... 336 00:25:39,806 --> 00:25:41,273 -Okay, Mr. Wilber. 337 00:25:43,509 --> 00:25:44,811 I'll make the list. 338 00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:49,348 A period of depression I went through, 339 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:53,319 repressing some emotions, eating too much animal fat. 340 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:58,124 Is it possible that somewhere inside ... worrying ... 341 00:25:58,157 --> 00:26:00,326 part of me doesn't want to live? 342 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,195 Being too self-critical. 343 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,531 I just don't want you to have to worry about me. 344 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,634 Lonely as a child maybe. 345 00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:09,669 People saying it's caused by repressed emotions 346 00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:11,103 don't know what they're talking about. 347 00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:12,538 -Not meeting Ken sooner. 348 00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,777 So, what do you think? 349 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:18,811 -I like the last one. 350 00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:25,685 I don't know what caused it, sweetheart, 351 00:26:25,718 --> 00:26:27,453 and I don't think anybody does. 352 00:26:27,486 --> 00:26:29,221 -Ken, I'm scared. 353 00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:39,531 -As long as you're breathing and crying, 354 00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:41,367 I won't worry about you. 355 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,270 Now, if you stop either one, then I'll worry. 356 00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:55,181 If you want to make any changes, 357 00:26:55,214 --> 00:26:57,784 don't do any of them because you think they caused it. 358 00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:03,589 Do it because you want to do it anyway. 359 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,493 Hm? Look... 360 00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:12,398 let's make it a new beginning. Hm? 361 00:27:14,867 --> 00:27:16,703 -You promise? 362 00:27:25,812 --> 00:27:27,613 -I love you. 363 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,426 -Okay, it's a new procedure. 364 00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:41,861 It was pioneered in Europe. 365 00:27:41,894 --> 00:27:44,663 And I think you'd be a really good candidate for it. 366 00:27:44,697 --> 00:27:47,834 You see, these tumors are the Nazis of the cancer crowd 367 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:49,201 and they're not terribly impressed with 368 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:51,137 wheatgrass or sweet thoughts. 369 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,706 I mean, you got to nuke these bastards. 370 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,341 As a matter of fact, I had a discussion about it 371 00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,476 with your mom and Rad right after I'd read about it. 372 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:01,781 -Babe? 373 00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:04,817 -Um, we've certainly done the research 374 00:28:04,851 --> 00:28:07,186 on the various combinations. 375 00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:08,320 -For sure. 376 00:28:08,354 --> 00:28:11,824 Okay. 377 00:28:11,858 --> 00:28:16,796 Segmental mastectomy, that'll save lymph nodes. 378 00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:18,330 Followed by radiation 379 00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:21,467 and a spectrum of holistic treatments. 380 00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:24,270 I like this. 381 00:28:25,838 --> 00:28:26,672 -Okay. 382 00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:41,921 -Babe, I can't believe this is our honeymoon. 383 00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:47,593 -We'll be there in Hawaii. I'll wear that bikini. 384 00:28:52,264 --> 00:28:53,800 -What are you doing? 385 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,302 -A hospital is a terrible place to be if you're sick. 386 00:28:56,335 --> 00:28:57,636 I mean, there are germs in the hospital 387 00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:59,906 that you can't get anywhere else. 388 00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,408 If the germs don't get you, the food will. 389 00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,944 So, I'm staying. 390 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,347 Besides, this is our honeymoon. 391 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:20,292 -Come in. 392 00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:23,729 -You've got visitors. 393 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,934 -Ooh. So you are rock solid, sweetheart. 394 00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:31,904 Oh. Twenty nodes out, all negative. 395 00:29:31,938 --> 00:29:34,473 -I know. -That is so impressive. 396 00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:38,244 Now, Kent and Kati and I went Christmas shopping near Max's, 397 00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,679 but we didn't find a thing for you. 398 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,414 -Thanks, Mom. 399 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,283 -We are busting you outta here tomorrow. 400 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,751 -I can't wait! 401 00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:47,719 I'm so excited! -Me too. I missed you. 402 00:29:47,753 --> 00:29:48,821 -I missed you. - 403 00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:51,623 -Come home for Christmas. 404 00:29:51,657 --> 00:29:52,791 -We have cookies ready... 405 00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:54,560 -Presents. -Yep. 406 00:29:54,593 --> 00:29:57,629 -Oh, you're gonna get so many presents. 407 00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:59,498 -Oh, my favorite. - Oh. 408 00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:41,000 -Since your tumor was estrogen positive, 409 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:43,835 the--the hormonal shifts with being pregnant 410 00:31:43,869 --> 00:31:48,574 would be like fertilizer for any remaining cells. 411 00:31:48,607 --> 00:31:51,510 I think it's an amazing sign that you're-- 412 00:31:51,543 --> 00:31:54,446 that you're pregnant, Terry. I do. 413 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,416 And if, if you're free of this in two years, 414 00:31:57,449 --> 00:32:01,020 you can get pregnant again. 415 00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:03,089 -So we'll wait. 416 00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:05,757 Hey, we'll do it again. 417 00:32:05,791 --> 00:32:06,925 And you're a healthy girl 418 00:32:06,959 --> 00:32:08,995 and we're gonna start a big fucking family. 419 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:19,038 Thanks, Doc. 420 00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:20,172 Of course. 421 00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:33,119 Sorry I haven't written in so long. 422 00:32:33,152 --> 00:32:36,722 The big news now is that we're moving to Lake Tahoe. 423 00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,627 It all came about because I accidentally got pregnant. 424 00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:45,497 I cried for a week. 425 00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:49,668 It made me realize how much I really want Ken's child. 426 00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,670 Kids love Ken. 427 00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:52,904 He says it's because 428 00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,007 he's the same emotional age as they are. 429 00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,012 We'll be clear in two years though. 430 00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:01,713 Honey, are you ready? 431 00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:05,517 I told the magazine I'd fax your interview today. 432 00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:06,685 When we met, 433 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:10,189 he owned one desk chair, a typewriter ... 434 00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,191 Okay, Mr. Wilber. 435 00:33:12,224 --> 00:33:13,792 ... and 4,000 books. 436 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:15,461 Why don't you start by explaining 437 00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,564 what you mean by the "perennial philosophy"? 438 00:33:18,597 --> 00:33:21,233 Okay, well, the human body, for example, 439 00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:23,802 has 208 bones, one heart and two kidneys, 440 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:26,004 whether it appears in Mozambique or Manhattan, 441 00:33:26,038 --> 00:33:27,806 whether today or a thousand years ago. 442 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,176 These we call "deep structures." 443 00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:35,847 Well, just as the human body universally grows hair, 444 00:33:35,881 --> 00:33:38,684 the human mind universally grows ideas, 445 00:33:38,717 --> 00:33:41,987 and the human spirit universally grows intuitions. 446 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,490 -It's hard to see what many religions, 447 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:48,094 like Buddhism and Christianity, for instance, might agree on. 448 00:33:48,127 --> 00:33:50,496 -Mm. We charge extra for that. 449 00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,665 -Oh, come on. Give me six points. 450 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:58,504 -All right. One, spirit exists. Two, it resides within. 451 00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,606 Three, most of us don't realize this 452 00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:03,041 because we're living in an illusory state of separation. 453 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:06,078 Four, there is a path out of this state. 454 00:34:06,112 --> 00:34:09,681 Five, if you follow this path, the result is transcendence, 455 00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:13,752 which, six, marks the end of suffering. 456 00:34:15,654 --> 00:34:16,755 Now take your pants off. 457 00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:18,890 -Mr. Wilber! 458 00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:24,062 Okay, so you're saying that spirit exists within? 459 00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:25,063 -Yes. 460 00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:29,301 And it's found by consistently looking within 461 00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:34,072 until within becomes beyond. 462 00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:35,274 -Within, huh? 463 00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,151 Okay, so for the grand prize. 464 00:34:55,661 --> 00:35:01,133 -So by looking at my mind, I eventually transcend the mind? 465 00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:02,268 -Exactly. 466 00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:08,140 -You wanna get something to eat? 467 00:35:10,075 --> 00:35:13,812 Or I could make spaghetti again. 468 00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:15,647 I'm trying to transcend. 469 00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:20,118 I'm starving. Transcendence can wait. 470 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:29,828 Hello, Dr. Richard's office. 471 00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,697 -Hi. This is Terry Killam Wilber. 472 00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:33,365 Can I please speak to Dr. Richards, please? 473 00:35:33,399 --> 00:35:35,100 Of course, one second. 474 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,067 Hey, Terry. 475 00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:38,136 It's Dr. Richards. 476 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:41,607 Listen, we got the results of your test back today. 477 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,342 Look, I'm really sorry to say this. 478 00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:46,712 It's--it's an unusual kind of recurrence. 479 00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381 But I don't want you to worry. We can take care of this. 480 00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:50,949 So, when can you come back in? 481 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,150 -Uh, I can be there tomorrow. 482 00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:56,922 Okay. Thank you. 483 00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,694 If it is, it is. 484 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,802 Hello, how are you doing? 485 00:36:10,836 --> 00:36:11,870 -Good. 486 00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:13,038 Comfortable? 487 00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:14,072 -Yeah. 488 00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:15,006 Good. 489 00:36:16,375 --> 00:36:21,146 So, when I remove your right breast today, 490 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,281 Dr. Harvey will be reducing 491 00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:24,750 the size of your left. -Yeah. 492 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:28,820 -See, some of the cells got caught on the drainage tube. 493 00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:31,122 And so when we took that out, they got caught on the skin 494 00:36:31,156 --> 00:36:32,858 and were left behind. 495 00:36:32,891 --> 00:36:35,227 And I promise you, we will get them all today, Terry. 496 00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,161 Okay. 497 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,465 -Okay. 498 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,869 There. 499 00:36:43,902 --> 00:36:46,738 All right, so we're gonna have to move your nipple up. 500 00:36:46,772 --> 00:36:48,240 But we can do this without severing the connection 501 00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:49,841 with the milk ducts. 502 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,843 So that way, the breast stays functional 503 00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:54,880 and if you ever decide you want to have a child. 504 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:02,354 -Okay. Eighty-three. All right? 505 00:37:02,388 --> 00:37:04,122 If you don't mind, can you just stand up here? 506 00:37:04,155 --> 00:37:05,757 I'm just gonna-- - Uh, yeah. 507 00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:06,825 Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to draw on you 508 00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,193 a little bit. -That's okay. 509 00:37:14,333 --> 00:37:15,467 -Hey, come in, come in. -Hi. 510 00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,774 Um, hi, sweetie, is it-- 511 00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:23,875 is this all right? 512 00:37:23,909 --> 00:37:24,976 It's fine, Mom. 513 00:37:26,278 --> 00:37:27,913 It's okay, Come, and I'll show you. 514 00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:33,184 -I'll be right back, baby. 515 00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:34,453 Okay, sweetheart. 516 00:38:44,189 --> 00:38:46,425 -I mean, you're like such a stud! 517 00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:48,960 Total stud. 518 00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:50,195 No. -Yes. 519 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,066 -Look, it's been with us a year, 520 00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:57,135 as long as we've been married. 521 00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:04,543 The program's straightforward: diet... megavitamins... 522 00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:06,445 ... 523 00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:09,280 sexercise! 524 00:39:09,314 --> 00:39:11,016 -More sexercise. 525 00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:16,054 I think I was more upset about your boob than you were. 526 00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:19,190 -Yeah, well, it was worth it. 527 00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:20,158 -Yeah. 528 00:39:21,427 --> 00:39:24,295 -The doctors seem unanimous. 529 00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:25,263 -Biggest stud I know. 530 00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:28,033 -I love you, Kati. 531 00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:29,334 -I love you. 532 00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:49,220 Hello? 533 00:39:49,254 --> 00:39:50,321 Yes. 534 00:39:55,293 --> 00:39:56,394 Mm-hm. 535 00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:00,331 I see. 536 00:40:05,370 --> 00:40:06,572 Okay, thank you. 537 00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:22,488 -What? 538 00:40:26,525 --> 00:40:32,664 Look, I'm barely stage two, estrogen positive, clean nodes. 539 00:40:35,601 --> 00:40:37,503 -The opinions were divided. 540 00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:43,441 -Just fucking tell me straight, Ken! 541 00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:49,214 -Recurrence within a year. 542 00:40:49,247 --> 00:40:53,952 Recurrence in a radiated area. Estrogen negative. 543 00:40:53,985 --> 00:40:55,453 Grade four, stage four. 544 00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:15,974 No. 545 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:17,408 I don't want it. 546 00:41:17,442 --> 00:41:20,045 Please. No. 547 00:41:24,182 --> 00:41:26,985 -Listen, listen. 548 00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:28,687 What does this decision all hinge on? 549 00:41:30,288 --> 00:41:34,025 -Intellect isn't going to save the day now, Ken. 550 00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:47,105 Okay. What? 551 00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:52,644 -The pathology report. Dr. Lagios. 552 00:41:52,678 --> 00:41:54,479 He's the one that's been staring down the microscope 553 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,615 at your cells, and it's his report 554 00:41:56,648 --> 00:41:58,584 that these doctors are trying to interpret. 555 00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:06,157 You want me to call or you? 556 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:13,799 -Doctors listen to men. You call. 557 00:42:25,243 --> 00:42:26,778 -Dr. Lagios, please. 558 00:42:26,812 --> 00:42:28,714 It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent. 559 00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,689 Dr. Lagios, I know this is unusual, 560 00:42:37,723 --> 00:42:41,126 but Terry and I have some difficult decisions to make, 561 00:42:41,159 --> 00:42:43,428 and I was wondering if I can just talk to you for a minute. 562 00:42:46,698 --> 00:42:48,734 Dr. Lagios, our doctors are divided 563 00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:52,337 as to whether Terry's recurrence was local or metastatic. 564 00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,471 I just want to know 565 00:42:53,504 --> 00:42:55,506 how aggressive the cells look to you. 566 00:42:56,742 --> 00:42:57,743 Please. 567 00:43:08,687 --> 00:43:11,056 Tell me, Dr. Lagios. 568 00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:13,424 If this was your wife, would you recommend chemo? 569 00:43:17,395 --> 00:43:18,396 And the odds? 570 00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:52,764 -Whfff. 571 00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:59,137 Suicide sounds nice right about now. 572 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,342 -The Reglan's hitting you hard. 573 00:44:04,375 --> 00:44:06,244 You're having a bad histamine reaction. 574 00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:07,879 Just hold on for the Benadryl, okay? 575 00:44:07,913 --> 00:44:09,314 Could you start the Benadryl? 576 00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:13,752 Hang in there. 577 00:44:13,785 --> 00:44:15,153 We'll be back at the hotel in no time, okay? 578 00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:26,364 You got this. You got this. 579 00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,552 -Are you okay? 580 00:44:47,585 --> 00:44:49,254 -Yeah. Keep reading to me. 581 00:44:55,593 --> 00:44:57,863 The witness exercise from No Boundary , would you? 582 00:45:04,870 --> 00:45:09,174 -"I have a body, but I am not my body. 583 00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:11,442 "My body may be tired or excited, 584 00:45:11,476 --> 00:45:14,679 "sick or healthy, anxious or calm, 585 00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:18,683 "but that has nothing to do with my inward I. 586 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:22,420 "I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. 587 00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:24,555 Emotions pass through me." 588 00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:33,431 It really helps, it just doesn't last. 589 00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:36,634 I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. 590 00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:40,371 Suicide sounds sensible. 591 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,672 Oh, god. Hm. 592 00:45:41,706 --> 00:45:42,774 -Nietzche used to say 593 00:45:42,808 --> 00:45:44,342 that the only way he got to sleep at night 594 00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:46,945 was by promising to kill himself in the morning. 595 00:45:52,417 --> 00:45:54,552 -Okay. Read me more. 596 00:45:57,856 --> 00:46:01,559 The part about the... the witness being immortal. 597 00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:06,397 -Sure. 598 00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,299 "Perhaps you, like most people, 599 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:09,667 "feel that you are 600 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:12,470 "basically the same person you were yesterday. 601 00:46:12,503 --> 00:46:14,372 "You probably also feel that you are fundamentally 602 00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,708 "the same person you were a year ago. 603 00:46:17,742 --> 00:46:20,812 "Put another way: you never remember a time 604 00:46:20,846 --> 00:46:23,281 "when you weren't you. 605 00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:24,850 "In other words, something in you 606 00:46:24,883 --> 00:46:28,820 "seems to remain untouched by the passage of time. 607 00:46:28,854 --> 00:46:31,990 "Your mind, your body, your feelings, 608 00:46:32,023 --> 00:46:34,960 "all have changed with time. 609 00:46:34,993 --> 00:46:39,397 "But you know that something has not changed. 610 00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,466 Something feels the same." 611 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,776 Chemo is based on a single principle: 612 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:55,746 cancer cells divide and grow twice as fast as healthy cells. 613 00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,385 The idea is to kill some healthy cells, 614 00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:03,288 but many more bad cells. 615 00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,923 At the end of a successful round, 616 00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:07,893 the tumor is dead and the patient only half-dead. 617 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,830 Ken and I stood in front of the mirror together, 618 00:47:12,864 --> 00:47:15,766 staring at the odd sight of the both of us, 619 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,303 just laughing. 620 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:20,471 Ken's been unbelievably supportive, 621 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:23,942 and that he keeps me laughing has saved my life. 622 00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,377 When I first shaved my head, 623 00:47:26,411 --> 00:47:30,715 he told me I'm the sexiest woman he's ever been with. 624 00:47:30,748 --> 00:47:32,884 And then he told me he likes my head so much this way 625 00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,019 that after it grows back, 626 00:47:34,052 --> 00:47:36,922 he wants me to shave it again. 627 00:47:36,955 --> 00:47:38,556 Linda Conger came up to Tahoe 628 00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,491 to photograph us together. 629 00:47:40,525 --> 00:47:43,461 During the shoot, Ken put on my breast prosthesis 630 00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:45,430 and suggested Linda shoot us nude 631 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:47,632 from the waist up. 632 00:47:47,665 --> 00:47:52,770 My god, the three of us laughed so hard we cried. 633 00:47:52,803 --> 00:47:55,773 That's kinda how it is with cancer, I guess, 634 00:47:55,806 --> 00:47:59,844 cry till you laugh and laugh till you cry. 635 00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:02,580 "The rough parts were losing my period, 636 00:48:02,613 --> 00:48:07,885 "mouth sores, painful bowel, blood sometimes. 637 00:48:07,919 --> 00:48:11,022 "But it's amazing what human beings can endure. 638 00:48:11,056 --> 00:48:12,423 "And Kristen and I hosting the group 639 00:48:12,457 --> 00:48:13,858 "from the Wellness Center... 640 00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:16,527 I was so inspired by the stories." 641 00:48:16,561 --> 00:48:19,430 After that, it started to get tough. 642 00:48:19,464 --> 00:48:21,933 Ken hasn't written in forever. 643 00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:24,469 He's given up his life to care for me, 644 00:48:24,502 --> 00:48:27,939 all day, all night, every day and night. 645 00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,741 Since right when we got married. 646 00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:31,943 " One night, a good friend of mine 647 00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:35,113 "called to ask for some insight about cancer. 648 00:48:35,146 --> 00:48:37,748 "She called for Ken and didn't even ask me. 649 00:48:37,782 --> 00:48:39,684 "I defended, and then it spiraled. 650 00:48:43,154 --> 00:48:44,589 "We've been getting counseling support 651 00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:46,924 "visiting Frances and Roger, 652 00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:50,161 though many days it just seems like it can't work." 653 00:48:54,665 --> 00:48:56,834 God, it'll be almost two years. 654 00:48:58,469 --> 00:49:01,539 With Ken's love, I've managed treatments pretty well. 655 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,409 What caught us from behind 656 00:49:04,442 --> 00:49:08,646 is the emotional and psychological devastation. 657 00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:11,616 And I don't think Ken can endure living only for me 658 00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:13,818 without living for himself. 659 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,456 On top of it all, since moving to Tahoe, 660 00:49:18,489 --> 00:49:21,459 Ken seems to have caught some sort of strange bug 661 00:49:21,492 --> 00:49:22,860 no one can identify. 662 00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:26,664 And on top of that, 663 00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:30,101 I can't seem to help being defensive, even grating, 664 00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:34,105 and Ken's dropped into depression. 665 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,578 Better news soon, but always with love, Treya. 666 00:49:46,517 --> 00:49:47,985 -Hi. 667 00:49:48,019 --> 00:49:49,087 Hi. 668 00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:50,255 -Thank you for coming. 669 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,857 -Such a pleasure to be here. 670 00:49:52,890 --> 00:49:55,460 I-I-I am a huge fan of your work. 671 00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:58,596 I can't tell you how much your books have affected me. 672 00:49:58,629 --> 00:50:00,265 -Great, thanks. Come on in. 673 00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:04,869 So Ken, what are you working on now? 674 00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:06,037 I haven't really 675 00:50:06,071 --> 00:50:07,605 done any extended writing for some time. 676 00:50:10,941 --> 00:50:12,910 Just not coming anymore. 677 00:50:12,943 --> 00:50:13,944 That period is over. 678 00:50:17,248 --> 00:50:18,183 -Wow. 679 00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:22,520 What it must be like to be called 680 00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:25,823 the greatest philosopher of consciousness since Freud, 681 00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,024 and feel it evaporating. 682 00:50:30,995 --> 00:50:33,064 -More fun than a human should be allowed to have. 683 00:52:06,924 --> 00:52:08,959 -The greater the love, the greater the pain. 684 00:52:08,993 --> 00:52:11,095 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 685 00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,631 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 686 00:52:15,700 --> 00:52:17,067 "He has no enemies. 687 00:52:17,101 --> 00:52:19,404 He's just intensely disliked by all his friends." 688 00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:57,875 Flatline 689 00:53:00,778 --> 00:53:01,879 It's check out time. 690 00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:38,115 -Can you do that in the other room, please? 691 00:53:44,255 --> 00:53:46,957 -I like to read the paper here. 692 00:53:46,991 --> 00:53:51,128 It's my favorite place for that. I look forward to it. 693 00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:00,305 -Look, this is my office. 694 00:54:00,338 --> 00:54:03,708 All three other rooms are dedicated to your needs. 695 00:54:03,741 --> 00:54:07,111 Including an office. So, find one. 696 00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:08,178 -No. 697 00:54:19,790 --> 00:54:24,194 -This is the only thing I have left for myself. 698 00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:27,932 It's not a lot to ask. 699 00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,502 -You know, it's really aggravating when you're snide. 700 00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,238 I'm reading here. 701 00:54:40,811 --> 00:54:41,546 -Get out. 702 00:54:44,014 --> 00:54:44,949 -No! 703 00:54:47,151 --> 00:54:48,353 -What the fuck else can I do! 704 00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:49,887 Get out! 705 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:51,356 -Get out yourself! 706 00:54:51,389 --> 00:54:53,391 -You goddamn obnoxious bitch! 707 00:54:53,424 --> 00:54:55,393 -Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you! 708 00:54:55,426 --> 00:54:59,330 Get, get off me! 709 00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:02,032 I don't know what you want! 710 00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:03,100 Fuck you! 711 00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,448 -I'm leaving. 712 00:55:17,482 --> 00:55:19,850 I'm going to San Francisco. 713 00:55:19,884 --> 00:55:22,820 I hate what we're doing. You can come or you can-- 714 00:55:22,853 --> 00:55:23,988 -Leave. 715 00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,425 Ah, just leave. 716 00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,823 Hi, honey, it's Mom. 717 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:03,027 You know what we think of Ken. I don't mean that. 718 00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:05,029 We just don't agree with what he writes. 719 00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,097 That's all. 720 00:56:07,131 --> 00:56:11,101 Any man would be so lucky to have you. 721 00:56:12,937 --> 00:56:14,304 Hi, Terry. It's Vicky. 722 00:56:14,338 --> 00:56:15,573 Pick up if you're there. 723 00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:18,342 So you call me 724 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,579 if you need anything. 725 00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:23,047 I love you. 726 00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:32,890 Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 727 00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:33,991 Pick up if you're there. 728 00:56:34,024 --> 00:56:34,925 You call me 729 00:56:34,959 --> 00:56:37,595 if you need anything. 730 00:56:37,628 --> 00:56:39,329 I love you. 731 00:56:40,998 --> 00:56:41,966 Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 732 00:56:41,999 --> 00:56:43,400 Pick up if you're there. 733 00:56:43,434 --> 00:56:46,370 Ken called. He's in San Francisco. 734 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,473 He's getting help. 735 00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:51,241 I thought you should know. 736 00:56:51,275 --> 00:56:54,344 I want to be supportive. 737 00:56:54,378 --> 00:56:56,981 You deserve each other, Terry. 738 00:56:58,683 --> 00:57:01,018 I know you're listening. 739 00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:01,952 I love you. 740 00:57:08,358 --> 00:57:09,694 -I have to let go... 741 00:57:13,297 --> 00:57:15,132 I have to let go, to hold on. 742 00:57:18,969 --> 00:57:19,670 My husband. 743 00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:31,682 -My wife. 744 00:58:25,703 --> 00:58:28,072 -"Treya..." 745 00:58:28,105 --> 00:58:29,039 My dearest. 746 00:58:29,073 --> 00:58:32,376 -"My dearest, I am sorry." 747 00:58:32,409 --> 00:58:33,310 I'm sorry. 748 00:58:35,245 --> 00:58:37,414 -"I've searched a thousand lifetimes 749 00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:44,421 "to find you, and I can't let you go, I won't. 750 00:58:44,454 --> 00:58:46,290 "Not now, not ever. 751 00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:51,461 "Not in this lifetime, or any other. 752 00:58:51,495 --> 00:58:54,264 "I love you with all of my soul. 753 00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,033 Please come back to me, my love..." 754 00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:58,135 Please, come back to me. 755 00:58:58,168 --> 00:58:59,203 -My soul. 756 00:58:59,236 --> 00:59:00,270 My soul. 757 00:59:03,107 --> 00:59:05,009 -"I'm coming to get you tomorrow." 758 00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:10,047 "You and me. Forever. 759 00:59:11,749 --> 00:59:13,117 It's all I know." 760 00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:17,822 It's all I'm gonna do. 761 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,508 -Hello. 762 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:13,210 Hello, Mr. Wilber. 763 01:00:13,243 --> 01:00:14,311 -Yeah. 764 01:00:14,344 --> 01:00:15,545 My name is Edith Zundel, 765 01:00:15,579 --> 01:00:17,381 from West Germany. 766 01:00:17,414 --> 01:00:20,084 I'm doing a book of interviews with avant-garde psychologists 767 01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:22,319 and I'd really like to interview you. 768 01:00:22,352 --> 01:00:25,222 -I appreciate that, Edith, but I-I don't do interviews. 769 01:00:25,255 --> 01:00:26,657 I'm staying with Frances Vaughan 770 01:00:26,691 --> 01:00:29,526 and Roger Walsh. I've come a long way 771 01:00:29,559 --> 01:00:31,128 and would really like to talk with you. 772 01:00:31,161 --> 01:00:33,130 Please. - 773 01:00:33,163 --> 01:00:34,865 -Here's the thing, Edith. 774 01:00:34,899 --> 01:00:37,534 Most authors end up appearing as teachers 775 01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:40,237 when they do interviews, and it's just not me. 776 01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:42,439 I can appreciate that, Mr. Wilber. 777 01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:45,876 I know you've only given four interviews in 15 years. 778 01:00:45,910 --> 01:00:48,345 Your synthesis of Eastern and Western psychologies 779 01:00:48,378 --> 01:00:50,681 has had a major impact. 780 01:00:50,715 --> 01:00:54,618 It would just be a few questions, as a scholar. 781 01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:57,521 All ten of your books have been hugely popular in Germany. 782 01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,656 I even have copies in Japanese. 783 01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:03,127 -Oh, the two peaceful countries. 784 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,228 Frances and Roger 785 01:01:04,261 --> 01:01:07,932 told me about Terry. I'm very sorry. 786 01:01:10,768 --> 01:01:12,870 -Okay, Edith, come on over this afternoon. 787 01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:18,442 Babe! 788 01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:21,145 My period returned. 789 01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,487 Maybe I can have your child after all. 790 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,455 Yes, baby. 791 01:01:32,957 --> 01:01:36,693 -I think Frances and Roger were right. 792 01:01:36,727 --> 01:01:41,832 It doesn't matter what we say as... much as how we say it. 793 01:01:41,866 --> 01:01:48,572 Hm. Yeah. Please... clean the car. 794 01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:52,276 Clean the house, and... see me in the bedroom. 795 01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,577 -You can see more of me 796 01:01:53,610 --> 01:01:55,645 walking away to go garden, mister. 797 01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:12,963 Chris is the only one here 798 01:02:12,997 --> 01:02:15,800 who works like this. But she's vastly popular. 799 01:02:18,869 --> 01:02:21,371 -Bill has an inoperable brain tumor. 800 01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,841 I'm working on containing and shrinking it. 801 01:02:25,810 --> 01:02:27,611 Bill came here on a gurney 802 01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,380 from the hospital last week with two tumors 803 01:02:30,414 --> 01:02:31,648 which Chris shrank. 804 01:02:31,681 --> 01:02:32,883 But one grew back. 805 01:02:36,987 --> 01:02:39,389 I would love to meet Ken later. 806 01:02:39,423 --> 01:02:42,993 Up From Eden was incredible. I'm a fan. 807 01:02:44,728 --> 01:02:47,564 -Okay, Bill. Off you go. 808 01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,968 I feel the cold spot's gone. You're good for today. 809 01:02:51,001 --> 01:02:52,469 Thanks. 810 01:02:52,502 --> 01:02:53,437 -Treya? 811 01:03:02,679 --> 01:03:06,851 Oh. Hm. Cool here. 812 01:03:08,853 --> 01:03:12,256 Make sure you tell me if you feel any really cold spots. 813 01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:14,358 -Cool there. 814 01:03:14,391 --> 01:03:15,960 -There's something going on in the pancreas. 815 01:03:15,993 --> 01:03:19,363 -Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have diabetes. 816 01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,765 -Cancer is caused by a virus... 817 01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:25,369 and that virus may still be here, hiding, 818 01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:28,906 even though medical doctors say it's gone. 819 01:03:28,939 --> 01:03:33,878 What I'm doing now is keeping it from moving. 820 01:03:33,911 --> 01:03:36,413 I had cancer when I was 23. 821 01:03:36,446 --> 01:03:39,683 It led me to all kinds of doctors and healers. 822 01:03:39,716 --> 01:03:42,652 I was arrested once for healing a child with leukemia. 823 01:03:42,686 --> 01:03:45,789 Can you imagine that? Like that's a crime. 824 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:48,358 It is about raising vibrations. 825 01:03:48,392 --> 01:03:52,762 But it's also mathematical and totally teachable. 826 01:03:52,796 --> 01:03:55,832 My dream is to go into a Third World country 827 01:03:55,866 --> 01:03:58,435 and teach others how to heal. 828 01:03:58,468 --> 01:04:00,004 But that's not allowed in the US. 829 01:04:02,406 --> 01:04:03,807 -Hi, there. 830 01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:08,745 -Ken Wilber. It's a pleasure. 831 01:04:08,778 --> 01:04:10,780 -Pleasure. 832 01:04:10,814 --> 01:04:13,583 -Do you want to give it a go? It's perfect timing, 833 01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:16,586 and you'll both know the method for later. 834 01:04:16,620 --> 01:04:17,621 -Sounds great. 835 01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:22,359 We've been looking forward to meeting you, Chris. 836 01:04:28,132 --> 01:04:32,469 Okay. Okay. 837 01:04:32,502 --> 01:04:33,703 Okay. 838 01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,642 I feel no coldness anywhere. 839 01:04:40,077 --> 01:04:41,478 You? 840 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:42,546 -Nope. 841 01:04:46,483 --> 01:04:48,852 -Very interesting. 842 01:04:48,885 --> 01:04:52,689 So, there are ten channels on each side of the brain. 843 01:04:52,722 --> 01:04:54,992 For most people, two or three sides are opened up. 844 01:04:55,025 --> 01:04:56,994 Four at the most. 845 01:04:57,027 --> 01:05:01,731 In my brain, all ten channels on both sides are open to ten. 846 01:05:01,765 --> 01:05:03,667 I mean, this kind of thing doesn't happen 847 01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:06,470 but every 2,000 years. 848 01:05:06,503 --> 01:05:09,539 The last person before me was the Buddha. 849 01:05:09,573 --> 01:05:13,143 But, Ken, you are open on one side of your brain to ten 850 01:05:13,177 --> 01:05:17,514 and the other side is seven. 851 01:05:19,516 --> 01:05:22,552 Holy crap. 852 01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,521 I really think that I can open the seven side 853 01:05:24,554 --> 01:05:27,891 all the way up. All the way. 854 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:32,462 Okay, tell me if you smell anything strange. 855 01:05:32,496 --> 01:05:34,431 Uh, I smell smoke. 856 01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:36,566 -Good. Good. 857 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,602 -Now I smell mildew. 858 01:05:40,637 --> 01:05:43,707 Oh, man. 859 01:05:44,841 --> 01:05:46,443 -Both sides are open up to ten. 860 01:05:48,512 --> 01:05:52,182 I'm blown away. Wow. I mean, so much for the theory 861 01:05:52,216 --> 01:05:55,652 that this only happens to one person every 2,000 years. 862 01:05:55,685 --> 01:05:58,822 I can't believe it. It's amazing. 863 01:05:58,855 --> 01:06:00,624 Now there are two people 864 01:06:00,657 --> 01:06:02,126 right here in this room. 865 01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:03,427 Oh, my god. 866 01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:07,031 It's so crazy. 867 01:06:09,033 --> 01:06:12,036 Cheers to that. 868 01:06:15,572 --> 01:06:17,007 -To Terry's clean bill of health. 869 01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:21,145 Since a removed port-a-cath means 870 01:06:21,178 --> 01:06:26,016 they think the possibility of another occurrence is slim. 871 01:06:26,050 --> 01:06:30,120 Another tequila for everyone. - 872 01:06:30,154 --> 01:06:31,755 -Trey. 873 01:06:31,788 --> 01:06:33,457 -Thank you. 874 01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,458 -Thank you. 875 01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:36,026 -Cheers! - 876 01:06:54,278 --> 01:06:56,780 Happy birthday. 877 01:07:00,617 --> 01:07:01,818 Oh, we love you. 878 01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:04,988 Thank you. 879 01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,926 -Make a wish. You make a wish. 880 01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:24,040 -"Important voice," I think it said. 881 01:07:24,074 --> 01:07:25,742 -I know, it does. -Mm-hm. 882 01:07:44,228 --> 01:07:47,597 Vicky! Uh-huh. 883 01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:49,999 For CSC? 884 01:07:51,635 --> 01:07:54,003 A 25,000-dollar grant! 885 01:07:54,037 --> 01:07:58,708 Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky. Yes. Yes! 886 01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:00,877 Okay, okay. 887 01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:03,613 All right. I'll call you back. 888 01:08:03,647 --> 01:08:06,350 Oh. 889 01:08:22,799 --> 01:08:25,769 Eight hundred pages in a month and a half. 890 01:08:25,802 --> 01:08:26,936 Ken Wilber. 891 01:08:32,976 --> 01:08:34,744 -Must be the new house. 892 01:08:34,778 --> 01:08:36,380 -Yeah, mister... must be. 893 01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:41,151 -She had a bone scan three months ago? 894 01:08:41,185 --> 01:08:44,954 Yeah, it was clear. So just a high-density CAT scan 895 01:08:44,988 --> 01:08:48,192 to see what might be causing the slight waviness in her eye. 896 01:08:48,225 --> 01:08:49,359 -Great. 897 01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:52,862 You can wait down the hall. - All right. 898 01:08:52,896 --> 01:08:55,865 The doctor should be with you shortly. 899 01:09:07,211 --> 01:09:08,111 Mr. Wilber? 900 01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,120 It looks like there are two or three tumors in her brain. 901 01:09:24,428 --> 01:09:25,895 One is very large... 902 01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,803 perhaps three centimeters. 903 01:09:37,441 --> 01:09:39,876 So we just scanned her lungs as well. 904 01:09:44,047 --> 01:09:45,014 -Um. 905 01:09:53,056 --> 01:09:56,693 -She has multiple tumors throughout both lungs... 906 01:10:06,270 --> 01:10:07,704 possibly a dozen altogether. 907 01:10:12,409 --> 01:10:15,078 I'm as shocked by this as you are. 908 01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:16,713 I think the best thing to do 909 01:10:16,746 --> 01:10:22,118 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 910 01:10:22,151 --> 01:10:23,720 I think the best thing to do 911 01:10:23,753 --> 01:10:28,392 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 912 01:10:28,425 --> 01:10:29,793 I want to have all the information 913 01:10:29,826 --> 01:10:31,761 ready for her beforehand. 914 01:10:36,966 --> 01:10:38,101 -Yeah. Right. Of course. 915 01:10:52,015 --> 01:10:54,851 * We rattle a gateless gate 916 01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:03,226 * And push against A weightless weight * 917 01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:12,001 * Looking for A stateless state * 918 01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:14,270 -I don't think it's anything. 919 01:11:14,304 --> 01:11:15,839 I feel clear. 920 01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:17,173 -* Nicola 921 01:11:17,206 --> 01:11:19,108 -It's probably related to blood sugar. 922 01:11:19,142 --> 01:11:22,446 -* Whatever love creates 923 01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:24,314 -We're gonna have a great life together, babe. 924 01:11:24,348 --> 01:11:26,082 You don't have to look so worried. 925 01:11:26,115 --> 01:11:29,453 -Right. No. Of course. Definitely. 926 01:11:29,486 --> 01:11:33,222 -* And all these twins 927 01:11:33,256 --> 01:11:35,325 * With different faces - * With different faces 928 01:11:37,494 --> 01:11:40,464 -* Fallen from the womb - * Fallen from the womb 929 01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:46,202 -* Risen from the tomb - * Risen from the tomb 930 01:11:46,235 --> 01:11:49,138 -* Carried in perfume - * Carried in perfume 931 01:11:51,541 --> 01:11:53,477 -* Nicola - * Nicola 932 01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:14,330 -* All the ones alive today 933 01:12:14,364 --> 01:12:18,835 No. No! No, no, no. 934 01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,438 I don't give a fuck! Damn it, damn it! 935 01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:24,974 -* Are the ones That passed away * 936 01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:28,945 -No! It's not fair! It's not fucking fair! 937 01:12:28,978 --> 01:12:32,081 -* Are the ones on the way 938 01:12:32,115 --> 01:12:36,386 And I could see it written on your face. 939 01:12:36,420 --> 01:12:40,023 -* Nicola -No! Please! 940 01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:54,137 I don't understand. 941 01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,473 I don't understand. 942 01:12:58,642 --> 01:13:01,945 Please. Please. Please. 943 01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:05,048 Please, No, No, No, No 944 01:13:10,353 --> 01:13:13,322 But I want to have your baby. 945 01:13:13,356 --> 01:13:17,060 that's all. 946 01:13:17,093 --> 01:13:19,896 Please, please, please. 947 01:13:23,933 --> 01:13:24,901 No. 948 01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:37,547 However you wanna do it... whatever you want. 949 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:52,929 Janker Klinik. 950 01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,900 -Is that your choice? 951 01:13:56,933 --> 01:14:00,504 Short-term, high-dose. Germany. 952 01:14:00,537 --> 01:14:02,271 -So aggressive people 953 01:14:02,305 --> 01:14:06,242 sometimes have to be put on life support. 954 01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:12,081 But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner, 70 percent remission rate. 955 01:14:18,321 --> 01:14:22,358 I want to go. I want to try this. 956 01:14:46,349 --> 01:14:48,117 -Would you recommend this particular treatment 957 01:14:48,151 --> 01:14:50,286 for your wife? 958 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,589 Never ask a doctor 959 01:14:52,622 --> 01:14:55,625 if he recommends the treatment for his wife. 960 01:14:55,659 --> 01:14:58,562 You don't know how they get along! 961 01:14:58,595 --> 01:15:01,197 No, you best ask, 962 01:15:01,230 --> 01:15:04,534 would he recommend this for his daughter. 963 01:15:06,636 --> 01:15:08,705 -Well, for your daughter? 964 01:15:08,738 --> 01:15:13,543 We do not do long-term treatments, 965 01:15:13,577 --> 01:15:16,312 as is common in America. 966 01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:22,586 Now we-we find that it lowers the quality of life. 967 01:15:22,619 --> 01:15:24,721 We must always remember that-- 968 01:15:24,754 --> 01:15:31,427 that surrounding this tumor is a human being. 969 01:15:31,460 --> 01:15:35,198 And also-- it also damages the soul. 970 01:15:35,231 --> 01:15:39,135 This is high-dose, short-term. We knock it out. 971 01:15:39,168 --> 01:15:41,771 Your white blood cell count will drop. 972 01:15:41,805 --> 01:15:44,240 And then they will rise again to 1,500. 973 01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:46,309 And then you can leave the hospital at 974 01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:49,545 at 1,800. You can take a trip. 975 01:15:49,579 --> 01:15:54,350 And when it's back up to 2,500, we can begin the next treatment. 976 01:16:03,259 --> 01:16:05,595 It's two Kolsch for five marks. 977 01:16:10,433 --> 01:16:11,835 Dr. Scheef installed it. 978 01:16:13,837 --> 01:16:17,073 He drinks 10 or 15 a day. 979 01:16:17,106 --> 01:16:19,308 -Really. Hmm. 980 01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:23,212 -He says it's the only alcohol that puts more into your system 981 01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:26,215 than it takes out. 982 01:16:26,249 --> 01:16:28,084 -Really? -Hm. 983 01:16:28,117 --> 01:16:29,653 Dr. Scheef told me about your books. 984 01:16:29,686 --> 01:16:31,587 He says you're famous. 985 01:16:31,621 --> 01:16:34,357 -Really? 986 01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:37,226 -You know, he's amazing. 987 01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:41,464 There was a German woman, severe ovarian cancer. 988 01:16:41,497 --> 01:16:44,300 She wanted to go visit her son in LA, 989 01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,202 but she didn't have money nor a visa. 990 01:16:46,235 --> 01:16:48,404 And I heard Scheef, he surprised her with both 991 01:16:48,437 --> 01:16:51,174 for a gift for finishing treatment. 992 01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,309 -Really? 993 01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,377 -Really. 994 01:17:13,396 --> 01:17:14,698 Treya was running the risk 995 01:17:14,731 --> 01:17:18,134 of catching pneumonia, though she went from 103.6 996 01:17:18,167 --> 01:17:20,737 to just under a hundred this morning. 997 01:17:20,770 --> 01:17:22,806 And Dr. Scheef thinks the radiation and sulfamide 998 01:17:22,839 --> 01:17:25,274 are helping. So... 999 01:17:25,308 --> 01:17:27,510 looks like we're starting a specialized chemo treatment 1000 01:17:27,543 --> 01:17:30,279 on Monday. 1001 01:17:30,313 --> 01:17:33,649 Treya, still amazing at every turn. 1002 01:17:41,557 --> 01:17:45,361 -Okay. I think I'm ready for lunch. 1003 01:17:45,394 --> 01:17:47,496 Dear loved ones, 1004 01:17:47,530 --> 01:17:50,433 I can't thank you enough for your letters and calls. 1005 01:17:52,769 --> 01:17:57,440 It feels wonderful, like floating in a caressing ocean. 1006 01:17:57,473 --> 01:17:58,507 And Ken has been the best 1007 01:17:58,541 --> 01:18:01,277 support person. It's unappreciated, 1008 01:18:01,310 --> 01:18:03,880 and yet he's vibrant, with dedication and humor. 1009 01:18:03,913 --> 01:18:05,581 He's half of my soul. 1010 01:18:05,614 --> 01:18:06,883 God, I love this man. 1011 01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:11,855 He holds my hand, makes me laugh, 1012 01:18:11,888 --> 01:18:15,792 runs errands, picks out fresh vegetables. 1013 01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:21,364 Kati was just here for ten days. 1014 01:18:21,397 --> 01:18:22,866 -Wow, she's an amazing listener. 1015 01:18:22,899 --> 01:18:26,302 Mom and Dad have been so supportive. 1016 01:18:26,335 --> 01:18:29,205 And Ken's parents who are so loving, 1017 01:18:29,238 --> 01:18:32,441 my friends in Colorado, at the CSC, 1018 01:18:32,475 --> 01:18:36,712 my Findhorn friends... and my sweet Vicky. 1019 01:18:36,746 --> 01:18:40,750 -And I have complete faith in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef 1020 01:18:40,784 --> 01:18:43,887 who runs the Janker Klinik. 1021 01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,554 The drug he's using, which he developed, 1022 01:18:45,588 --> 01:18:46,956 only just got approved in the US 1023 01:18:46,990 --> 01:18:49,392 because it's so potent. 1024 01:18:49,425 --> 01:18:52,628 I can't say how much easier it is though. 1025 01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:53,963 -I've moved through a lot. 1026 01:18:53,997 --> 01:18:55,698 From intense anger and crying, 1027 01:18:55,731 --> 01:18:59,702 to thoughts of death and fears of what pain may come. 1028 01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:02,571 -Then to thoughts of all those suffering on this planet, 1029 01:19:02,605 --> 01:19:04,808 and then I feel a wave of calmness. 1030 01:19:04,841 --> 01:19:07,243 A feeling of not being alone in it, 1031 01:19:07,276 --> 01:19:09,678 and some sort of greater connection. 1032 01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,817 -I read an article in the New York Times yesterday 1033 01:19:13,850 --> 01:19:16,452 on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy. 1034 01:19:16,485 --> 01:19:19,455 She found that for the survival rate of women 1035 01:19:19,488 --> 01:19:21,825 who had had advanced breast cancer, 1036 01:19:21,858 --> 01:19:25,661 the only psychological factor that seemed to matter 1037 01:19:25,694 --> 01:19:28,497 was sense of joy in life. 1038 01:19:31,434 --> 01:19:36,272 That first noble truth: there is suffering in the world. 1039 01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:37,773 To take part in it 1040 01:19:37,807 --> 01:19:40,509 feels like I'm engaged on a special journey, 1041 01:19:40,543 --> 01:19:43,779 only taken up by those who can handle it. 1042 01:19:43,813 --> 01:19:47,616 I call it passionate equanimity. 1043 01:19:47,650 --> 01:19:52,588 I do all I can, but without attachment to the results. 1044 01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:54,423 Just for the love of it. 1045 01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:55,424 Just for the love of it. 1046 01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:56,792 -The love of life. 1047 01:19:56,826 --> 01:19:57,927 The love of life. 1048 01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:07,036 -Hey, Norbert. Yeah, I'm up in the room. 1049 01:20:07,070 --> 01:20:09,738 Am I missing any action at the front desk? 1050 01:20:09,772 --> 01:20:13,409 No, no, um, maybe just some towels. 1051 01:20:13,442 --> 01:20:15,578 Yeah, she's recovering from the second. 1052 01:20:15,611 --> 01:20:16,712 It's a lung infection, 1053 01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:19,415 so I've had to stay away while her counts are low. 1054 01:20:19,448 --> 01:20:20,649 Mm-hm. 1055 01:20:20,683 --> 01:20:22,051 Yeah, I'm journaling, you know her. 1056 01:20:24,020 --> 01:20:27,756 Yeah, I can't believe it. It's almost four months. 1057 01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:29,658 Listen, uh, I'm going to go out for a while, 1058 01:20:29,692 --> 01:20:34,330 in case she calls. I just, I just need to get some air. 1059 01:20:34,363 --> 01:20:35,664 Yeah, thanks. 1060 01:20:48,777 --> 01:20:49,712 -Ken! 1061 01:20:55,618 --> 01:20:59,755 No more drinking for you. You have to be strong. 1062 01:20:59,788 --> 01:21:00,890 I don't want to be strong, Norbert. 1063 01:21:03,059 --> 01:21:05,461 I want to be weak and spineless for a while. 1064 01:21:06,829 --> 01:21:08,597 Ken. 1065 01:21:08,631 --> 01:21:09,532 -Suits me better. 1066 01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:11,800 Ken. 1067 01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:24,080 Men and women were once whole, 1068 01:21:24,113 --> 01:21:25,714 but were torn in two. 1069 01:21:25,748 --> 01:21:28,384 Men and women were once whole but were torn in two, 1070 01:21:28,417 --> 01:21:31,420 and the pursuit and desire of that whole. 1071 01:21:31,454 --> 01:21:33,856 And the pursuit and desire of that whole is called love. 1072 01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,658 Is called love. 1073 01:24:43,246 --> 01:24:47,616 I think I had a dream. I was looking for you. 1074 01:24:47,650 --> 01:24:50,986 There was a mountain. 1075 01:24:51,019 --> 01:24:54,757 And an ocean. 1076 01:24:54,790 --> 01:24:57,293 And millions of stars. 1077 01:25:01,864 --> 01:25:02,998 Where were you? 1078 01:25:07,002 --> 01:25:09,705 Here. 1079 01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:11,874 And am I ever glad you're here too. 1080 01:25:14,310 --> 01:25:17,213 You always promised you'd find me, you know. 1081 01:25:21,984 --> 01:25:25,221 Maybe we're in each other's dream. 1082 01:25:25,254 --> 01:25:26,389 Is that possible? 1083 01:25:31,260 --> 01:25:32,295 Give me your hand. 1084 01:25:45,107 --> 01:25:47,676 "Sam, I'm only updating you because you said 1085 01:25:47,710 --> 01:25:50,246 "otherwise you wouldn't publish my next book 1086 01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:52,881 in the event I ever write one." 1087 01:25:52,915 --> 01:25:53,949 We've tried all the treatments 1088 01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,051 sane men have come up with. 1089 01:25:56,084 --> 01:25:58,854 None of them have worked, so we've settled on 1090 01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:01,324 the Kelly/Gonzales enzyme program. 1091 01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:04,026 Gonzales runs it now. He says Kelly went bonkers, 1092 01:26:04,059 --> 01:26:07,930 that he's out there talking to little men from other planets. 1093 01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:11,200 Somehow Treya and I found that strangely reassuring. 1094 01:26:11,234 --> 01:26:13,101 The studies are actually amazing. 1095 01:26:13,135 --> 01:26:14,703 The five-year survival rate 1096 01:26:14,737 --> 01:26:16,939 for Treya's general type of metastatic breast cancer 1097 01:26:16,972 --> 01:26:18,974 is exactly zero percent. 1098 01:26:19,007 --> 01:26:20,976 But in Gonzales' study, there are already three 1099 01:26:21,009 --> 01:26:24,747 five-year plus survivors, even one over 17 years. 1100 01:26:24,780 --> 01:26:27,783 So, it's no fly-by-night clinic, 1101 01:26:27,816 --> 01:26:31,654 though we would try those too if we thought it would help. 1102 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:33,222 Gonzales uses blood analysis 1103 01:26:33,256 --> 01:26:36,259 to indicate the extent of tumor activity, 1104 01:26:36,292 --> 01:26:39,262 and before we told him, he nailed all the same facts 1105 01:26:39,295 --> 01:26:42,097 informed of through conventional medicine. 1106 01:26:42,130 --> 01:26:44,667 His test measures tumor activity in the body 1107 01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:48,103 from zero to 50, with 45 being incurable. 1108 01:26:48,136 --> 01:26:51,274 Treya scored a 38. 1109 01:26:51,307 --> 01:26:54,243 The disconcerting thing is that when it's working, 1110 01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:57,446 when tumors are being dissolved, they flare up. 1111 01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,916 So, Gonzales' tests showing that Treya is getting better 1112 01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:02,785 is interpreted by the conventional doctors 1113 01:27:02,818 --> 01:27:06,021 that Treya is dying. 1114 01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:09,725 And Treya, of course, handles this like a champion. 1115 01:27:12,194 --> 01:27:14,263 And Hazel'll be happy to know, if I don't write another book, 1116 01:27:14,297 --> 01:27:16,899 I'll be able to make it as a care person, 1117 01:27:16,932 --> 01:27:18,401 or at least a maid. 1118 01:27:20,336 --> 01:27:24,340 Like a couple of kids, somehow, we're having a ball with it. 1119 01:27:27,776 --> 01:27:29,211 An average CEA, 1120 01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,947 which indicates the amount of active cancer in your body, 1121 01:27:31,980 --> 01:27:33,849 measures zero to five. 1122 01:27:33,882 --> 01:27:36,819 Yours was 7.7 in January. 1123 01:27:36,852 --> 01:27:39,355 After your first treatment in Germany, it was 13, 1124 01:27:39,388 --> 01:27:42,325 then 16.7 when you got home. 1125 01:27:42,358 --> 01:27:45,027 This read is at 21. 1126 01:27:45,060 --> 01:27:49,164 Now, Treya, I'm telling you that what we're seeing here is real. 1127 01:27:49,197 --> 01:27:51,900 I strongly recommend starting an immediate high-dose chemo 1128 01:27:51,934 --> 01:27:53,802 followed by a bone marrow transplant. 1129 01:27:55,170 --> 01:27:57,473 We're gonna talk it over and we'll let you know. 1130 01:27:57,506 --> 01:27:58,407 Okay. 1131 01:28:15,257 --> 01:28:16,892 Dr. Gonzales' office. 1132 01:28:16,925 --> 01:28:19,495 Hi Lisa. It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales. 1133 01:28:19,528 --> 01:28:21,830 Oh hi, Treya, one moment. 1134 01:28:21,864 --> 01:28:22,865 Thank you. 1135 01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:27,470 Hey guys, great news. 1136 01:28:27,503 --> 01:28:30,773 Your score dropped from 38 to 33, 1137 01:28:30,806 --> 01:28:32,475 the biggest drop I've ever seen 1138 01:28:32,508 --> 01:28:34,777 in only one month on the program. 1139 01:28:34,810 --> 01:28:36,879 Now, some of that drop may be due to 1140 01:28:36,912 --> 01:28:38,981 the anti-estrogens you're taking, 1141 01:28:39,014 --> 01:28:42,351 but I think this is definitely gonna work. 1142 01:28:42,385 --> 01:28:43,819 * Nicola 1143 01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:48,223 * Whatever love will make 1144 01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:54,963 * Love erases 1145 01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:59,001 * And all these twins 1146 01:28:59,034 --> 01:29:03,105 * With different faces 1147 01:29:03,138 --> 01:29:07,543 * Fallen from the womb 1148 01:29:07,576 --> 01:29:12,014 * Risen from the tomb 1149 01:29:12,047 --> 01:29:15,017 * Carried in perfume 1150 01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:19,254 * Nicola 1151 01:29:29,565 --> 01:29:31,233 Thank you. 1152 01:29:31,266 --> 01:29:34,369 I have one more for you called "I Want To Live," 1153 01:29:34,403 --> 01:29:37,372 but first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 1154 01:29:37,406 --> 01:29:39,307 who's going to share a few words. 1155 01:29:39,341 --> 01:29:41,109 Treya Wilber. 1156 01:29:47,516 --> 01:29:48,617 Thank you. 1157 01:29:48,651 --> 01:29:49,552 Yeah. 1158 01:30:02,431 --> 01:30:07,035 -Hello. My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1159 01:30:07,069 --> 01:30:10,372 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 1160 01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,075 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1161 01:30:15,210 --> 01:30:19,081 Five years ago, in August of '83, 1162 01:30:19,114 --> 01:30:23,018 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1163 01:30:23,051 --> 01:30:26,455 I always used to call it love at first touch. 1164 01:30:26,489 --> 01:30:28,290 We were married. 1165 01:30:28,323 --> 01:30:30,593 And then, ten days after our wedding, 1166 01:30:30,626 --> 01:30:33,629 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1167 01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:37,700 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1168 01:30:39,602 --> 01:30:43,071 Since then, I've had two recurrences, 1169 01:30:43,105 --> 01:30:45,140 and many types of treatment, 1170 01:30:45,173 --> 01:30:47,442 both conventional and alternative. 1171 01:30:49,177 --> 01:30:51,680 But in January of this year, 1172 01:30:51,714 --> 01:30:55,450 we discovered the cancer had metastasized, 1173 01:30:55,484 --> 01:30:58,521 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1174 01:31:01,023 --> 01:31:03,692 So, when Tommy asked me to speak at this event, 1175 01:31:03,726 --> 01:31:08,363 I thought, well, perhaps I can look at 1176 01:31:08,396 --> 01:31:12,501 what I've done with my life since the diagnosis. 1177 01:31:12,535 --> 01:31:14,402 I co-founded the Cancer Support Community 1178 01:31:14,436 --> 01:31:17,005 in San Francisco. 1179 01:31:17,039 --> 01:31:18,507 I've written as honestly as I can 1180 01:31:18,541 --> 01:31:20,375 about my inner explorations 1181 01:31:20,408 --> 01:31:24,279 in a way that many tell me they've found helpful. 1182 01:31:24,312 --> 01:31:26,414 And I plan to publish a book. 1183 01:31:26,448 --> 01:31:28,751 Maybe my letters to many of you will be in it. 1184 01:31:31,019 --> 01:31:35,591 But then I realized, oh, I'd fallen into a familiar trap. 1185 01:31:35,624 --> 01:31:40,028 I'm equating success with achievement. 1186 01:31:40,062 --> 01:31:45,000 Learning to make friends with perhaps painful death 1187 01:31:45,033 --> 01:31:46,268 has taught me a great deal 1188 01:31:46,301 --> 01:31:50,739 about making friends with myself as I am, 1189 01:31:50,773 --> 01:31:54,710 and a great deal about making friends with life as it is. 1190 01:31:57,379 --> 01:31:59,314 There's an old saying, 1191 01:31:59,347 --> 01:32:03,451 it's popular among people with cancer that goes... 1192 01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:09,024 I'm lucky because I've been given advanced warning 1193 01:32:09,057 --> 01:32:12,094 and the time to act on that warning. 1194 01:32:12,127 --> 01:32:15,598 Because I can no longer ignore death, 1195 01:32:15,631 --> 01:32:18,500 I pay more attention to life. 1196 01:33:07,182 --> 01:33:09,317 -Yes, it's true that if the enzymes 1197 01:33:09,351 --> 01:33:11,586 Gonzales has you on were breaking the tumors down, 1198 01:33:11,620 --> 01:33:12,721 they would swell, 1199 01:33:12,755 --> 01:33:15,624 and a CAT scan wouldn't differentiate that. 1200 01:33:15,658 --> 01:33:18,360 But you have an average tumor growth rate 1201 01:33:18,393 --> 01:33:21,363 of over 30 percent in a short period of time. 1202 01:33:21,396 --> 01:33:23,699 And because of the growth of the large brain tumor 1203 01:33:23,732 --> 01:33:25,333 and the swelling of the right brain, 1204 01:33:25,367 --> 01:33:26,802 it's pushed the left side of your brain 1205 01:33:26,835 --> 01:33:28,737 just a bit out of place. 1206 01:33:28,771 --> 01:33:31,139 So this is what accounts for some of your symptoms, 1207 01:33:31,173 --> 01:33:35,678 the headaches, the fullness, disorientation. 1208 01:33:35,711 --> 01:33:38,113 -That's why the pain in the back of my eyes 1209 01:33:38,146 --> 01:33:41,283 goes away when I sleep with my head raised. 1210 01:33:41,316 --> 01:33:46,321 -Yes. Now, look. 1211 01:33:46,354 --> 01:33:49,157 I am familiar with Gonzalez's program 1212 01:33:49,191 --> 01:33:50,492 and I don't mean to alarm you, 1213 01:33:50,525 --> 01:33:52,594 but I do want you to hear it straight. 1214 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:54,196 Despite what his radiologist says, 1215 01:33:54,229 --> 01:33:56,164 this is not an inflammatory reaction 1216 01:33:56,198 --> 01:33:57,800 brought on by tumor necrosis. 1217 01:33:57,833 --> 01:34:00,568 -If your understanding of this is accurate, though, 1218 01:34:00,602 --> 01:34:03,538 chemo doesn't offer a solution either, correct? 1219 01:34:07,142 --> 01:34:08,410 -Likely not. 1220 01:34:08,443 --> 01:34:11,313 Though there are other drugs you can try with it. 1221 01:34:11,346 --> 01:34:14,917 -I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of pain. 1222 01:34:18,320 --> 01:34:19,888 -Let me assure you, we can handle that. 1223 01:34:21,623 --> 01:34:23,225 I promise you that won't happen. 1224 01:34:30,232 --> 01:34:32,768 -Otherwise, you okay? 1225 01:34:34,803 --> 01:34:35,838 -Yes. 1226 01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:42,210 When I die, I'll just dissolve back. 1227 01:34:43,545 --> 01:34:45,247 That's not frightening. 1228 01:34:48,250 --> 01:34:50,385 -You know, I have never had a patient like you. 1229 01:34:52,487 --> 01:34:53,655 May I tell you that? 1230 01:34:59,895 --> 01:35:01,196 -Thank you. 1231 01:35:45,540 --> 01:35:46,541 -Hi, babe. 1232 01:35:49,912 --> 01:35:51,246 -Hey, lover. 1233 01:35:53,248 --> 01:35:55,350 I was looking for you in my dream. 1234 01:36:01,756 --> 01:36:03,691 -I was looking for you in this house. 1235 01:36:06,361 --> 01:36:07,695 -I was dreaming about you too. 1236 01:36:14,870 --> 01:36:17,572 -I can barely feel it, 1237 01:36:17,605 --> 01:36:19,041 but it's cold, huh? 1238 01:36:20,608 --> 01:36:22,777 Does this answer that? 1239 01:36:25,780 --> 01:36:27,715 -Let's get back to bed. 1240 01:36:35,590 --> 01:36:37,459 Can you carry me? 1241 01:36:40,462 --> 01:36:41,463 -Of course. 1242 01:36:57,645 --> 01:37:01,649 "Moreover, much as you may wander, 1243 01:37:01,683 --> 01:37:04,552 "you must return ultimately to the Self, 1244 01:37:12,027 --> 01:37:15,330 "so why not abide in the Self here and now. 1245 01:37:18,033 --> 01:37:20,768 Grace is there all along." 1246 01:37:27,642 --> 01:37:28,776 I'm going. 1247 01:37:36,919 --> 01:37:38,086 -Okay. 1248 01:37:49,631 --> 01:37:54,669 -Wait. Wait. Sweetheart... 1249 01:37:58,540 --> 01:38:00,642 I want to write something in my journal. 1250 01:38:46,654 --> 01:38:47,789 Do you understand? 1251 01:38:50,892 --> 01:38:51,960 -I think so. 1252 01:38:58,766 --> 01:38:59,968 Come on, gorgeous. 1253 01:39:02,504 --> 01:39:04,172 Let me take my girl to our room. 1254 01:39:42,144 --> 01:39:46,781 -I'm going. I can't believe it. 1255 01:39:48,050 --> 01:39:49,684 I'm going. 1256 01:39:52,854 --> 01:39:59,794 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1257 01:39:59,827 --> 01:40:02,664 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1258 01:40:10,038 --> 01:40:12,006 But I don't want to leave you. 1259 01:40:15,543 --> 01:40:16,878 I love you so much. 1260 01:40:18,246 --> 01:40:21,683 I can't leave you. 1261 01:40:21,716 --> 01:40:23,585 I love you so much. 1262 01:40:26,088 --> 01:40:27,789 Honey. 1263 01:40:31,559 --> 01:40:33,095 -I love you so much. 1264 01:40:34,629 --> 01:40:40,502 -Honey, if it's time to go, then it's time to go. 1265 01:40:40,535 --> 01:40:44,639 Don't worry, I'll find you. 1266 01:40:45,840 --> 01:40:47,709 I found you before. 1267 01:40:49,043 --> 01:40:52,180 I promise I'll find you again. 1268 01:40:54,782 --> 01:40:56,551 -You promise you'll find me? 1269 01:40:58,586 --> 01:41:00,088 -I promise. 1270 01:41:12,134 --> 01:41:14,035 I promise. 1271 01:41:25,180 --> 01:41:27,282 -Forever and forever? 1272 01:41:27,315 --> 01:41:29,684 -Forever and forever. 1273 01:41:38,226 --> 01:41:39,894 -Then I can go. 1274 01:41:42,297 --> 01:41:44,166 I can't believe it. 1275 01:41:45,267 --> 01:41:46,701 I'm so happy. 1276 01:41:54,376 --> 01:41:58,646 This has been so much harder than I thought. 1277 01:42:03,218 --> 01:42:06,854 It's been so hard. 1278 01:42:06,888 --> 01:42:09,090 Oh honey, it's been so hard. 1279 01:42:12,260 --> 01:42:16,964 -I know, sweetheart. I know. 1280 01:42:24,172 --> 01:42:25,840 -You promise you'll be there? 1281 01:42:28,376 --> 01:42:32,980 -I promise you I'll be there. 1282 01:42:53,768 --> 01:42:56,103 -You're the greatest man I've ever known. 1283 01:42:58,840 --> 01:43:00,107 My champion. 1284 01:43:02,710 --> 01:43:04,279 My champion. 1285 01:43:20,795 --> 01:43:22,196 I'll find you. 1286 01:43:39,247 --> 01:43:41,849 You're the only... 1287 01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:52,226 I'll find you, honey. 1288 01:43:54,996 --> 01:43:56,864 I will... 1289 01:45:41,869 --> 01:45:42,937 You promise? 1290 01:45:46,841 --> 01:45:48,042 I promise. 1291 01:46:11,032 --> 01:46:13,200 -My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1292 01:46:13,234 --> 01:46:15,336 A lot of you've known me in the past as Terry. 1293 01:46:15,369 --> 01:46:17,138 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1294 01:46:19,574 --> 01:46:22,944 Five years ago this same month, in August of '83, 1295 01:46:22,977 --> 01:46:26,113 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1296 01:46:26,147 --> 01:46:29,216 I always called it love at first touch. 1297 01:46:29,250 --> 01:46:31,953 We were married less than four months later. 1298 01:46:31,986 --> 01:46:33,555 But ten days after our wedding, 1299 01:46:33,588 --> 01:46:37,224 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1300 01:46:37,258 --> 01:46:38,893 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1301 01:46:41,295 --> 01:46:43,230 I've...I've had two local recurrences 1302 01:46:43,264 --> 01:46:44,499 and a number of treatments, 1303 01:46:44,532 --> 01:46:46,300 both conventional and alternative, 1304 01:46:46,333 --> 01:46:48,970 in the intervening years. 1305 01:46:49,003 --> 01:46:50,271 But just this January, 1306 01:46:50,304 --> 01:46:53,007 we discovered that the cancer had metastasized, 1307 01:46:53,040 --> 01:46:55,309 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1308 01:46:56,544 --> 01:46:58,012 The doctors we've consulted have said 1309 01:46:58,045 --> 01:47:01,583 I have two to four years to live. 1310 01:47:01,616 --> 01:47:04,218 Because I could no longer ignore death, 1311 01:47:04,251 --> 01:47:06,020 I pay more attention to life. 1312 01:47:08,355 --> 01:47:10,492 In the years after Treya passed, 1313 01:47:10,525 --> 01:47:14,996 I began slowly working my way back into the world. 1314 01:47:15,029 --> 01:47:18,600 I began writing again, starting with Grace and Grit , 1315 01:47:18,633 --> 01:47:22,336 which I had promised her I would write. 1316 01:47:22,369 --> 01:47:25,239 Usually, my books are dedicated to a person 1317 01:47:25,272 --> 01:47:27,609 important in my life. 1318 01:47:27,642 --> 01:47:32,013 But the next ten books I wrote over the next ten years 1319 01:47:32,046 --> 01:47:34,448 had no dedications at all 1320 01:47:34,482 --> 01:47:37,685 because each of them were dedicated to her 1321 01:47:37,719 --> 01:47:42,590 in simple, ongoing gratefulness. 1322 01:47:42,624 --> 01:47:46,260 Those years with Treya are etched into my soul 1323 01:47:46,293 --> 01:47:49,597 and somehow, our love lives on. 1324 01:48:10,051 --> 01:48:13,287 * We rattle a gateless gate 1325 01:48:18,459 --> 01:48:22,163 * And push against A weightless weight * 1326 01:48:27,268 --> 01:48:30,504 * Looking for A stateless state * 1327 01:48:34,175 --> 01:48:36,243 * Nicola 1328 01:48:37,612 --> 01:48:40,514 * Whatever love will make 1329 01:48:42,116 --> 01:48:45,452 * Love erases 1330 01:48:47,288 --> 01:48:51,025 * And all these twins 1331 01:48:51,058 --> 01:48:54,095 * With different faces 1332 01:48:55,496 --> 01:48:59,500 * Fallen from the womb 1333 01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:04,171 * Risen from the tomb 1334 01:49:04,205 --> 01:49:07,241 * Carried in perfume 1335 01:49:09,376 --> 01:49:11,378 * Nicola 1336 01:49:14,081 --> 01:49:20,421 * Ooohh 1337 01:49:22,456 --> 01:49:27,662 * Ooohh 1338 01:49:29,196 --> 01:49:32,767 * All the ones alive today 1339 01:49:37,839 --> 01:49:41,542 * Are the ones That passed away * 1340 01:49:46,681 --> 01:49:50,384 * Are the ones Who're on their way * 1341 01:49:53,520 --> 01:49:55,522 * Nicola 1342 01:49:57,091 --> 01:50:00,127 * Whatever love will take 1343 01:50:01,428 --> 01:50:05,299 * Love replaces 1344 01:50:06,567 --> 01:50:10,271 * And all these twins 1345 01:50:10,304 --> 01:50:13,574 * With different faces 1346 01:50:14,776 --> 01:50:19,080 * Fallen from the womb 1347 01:50:19,113 --> 01:50:23,350 * Risen from the tomb 1348 01:50:23,384 --> 01:50:26,888 * Carried in perfume 1349 01:50:28,856 --> 01:50:30,892 * Nicola 1350 01:50:33,460 --> 01:50:40,534 * Ooohh 1351 01:50:42,169 --> 01:50:46,808 * Ooohh