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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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♪ peaceful music playing ♪

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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‐ I think it's fascinating
to be able to go back...

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and have a true...

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chronological blueprint...

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of what it was to grow up
as a teenager in the '90s.

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And part of me believes
that somewhere inside,

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that teenage girl knew that she
was gonna have a story to tell,

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knew that she was gonna go
on an adventure

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and she was gonna document
every fucking second of it,

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so that she could share it someday.

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[videocassette player rattling]

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["Rise" by Eddie Vedder playing]

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<i>♪ Such is the way of the world ♪</i>

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<i>♪ You can never know ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Just where to put</i>
<i>all your faith ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And how will it grow ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Gonna rise up ♪</i>

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<i>‐ ♪ Burning black holes</i>
<i>in dark memories ♪</i>
HOST: <i>And Soleil Moon Frye!</i>

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<i>♪ Gonna rise up ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Turning mistakes into gold ♪</i>

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‐ Tell me about Punky Brewster.

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‐ She has power 'cause,
not like magic or anything,

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but it's power that she can survive
and she's a survivor.

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♪

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[videocassette rattles]

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SOLEIL MOON FRYE:
<i>As a teenager,</i>

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<i>I carried a video camera with me</i>
<i>everywhere I went.</i>

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<i>I kept all of my diaries.</i>

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<i>I kept every one</i>
<i>of my voicemail messages.</i>

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<i>I documented everything, and then</i>
<i>I locked it away for over 20 years.</i>

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<i>I've never looked back at it.</i>

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And so I decided to unlock the vault.

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This is crazy.

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<i>The big question for me was,</i>

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<i>did things really happen</i>
<i>the way I remembered them?</i>

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‐ Let's see
what you've got there!

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SOLEIL:
<i>I look at this like Pandora's box.</i>

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<i>What happens once I unlock it?</i>

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<i>I don't know the answers,</i>
<i>I don't know the ending.</i>

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<i>I am absolutely</i>
<i>discovering it as we go.</i>

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<i>At seven years old,</i>
<i>I was cast as Punky Brewster,</i>

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<i>and it was in that moment that</i>
<i>things changed so much.</i>

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Hello, Mrs. Reagan.
I'm Soleil Moon Frye.

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‐ Are you Punky?
‐ Buzz Aldrin?

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‐ Hi.
‐ Wow!

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SOLEIL: <i>I don't really know where</i>
<i>Punky ended and I began</i>

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<i>'cause we were the same</i>
<i>in so many ways.</i>

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‐ I wanna say we met when you were in
the height of the <i>Punky Brewster</i> show.

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'Cause I went in for an audition.

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But I remember...

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that you popped in and were like, "Hi!"

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And then like went back to the set,
or I don't know.

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And then we went to camp together
at the Cottontail Ranch.

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BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN:
<i>I think the first time I met you,</i>

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<i>it might have been at your birthday party.</i>

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<i>At some hotel.</i>

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Johnny Depp and
C. Thomas Howell and Bubbles,

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Michael Jackson's chimp.

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Literally, there were like 12 kids
in the business,

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<i>so we all knew everyone.</i>

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<i>We all knew each other.</i>

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‐ I was working on a show
called <i>The Outsiders.</i>
You were the first person I met.

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‐ You were somebody
that I looked up to.

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And when I got a chance
to be on your show, I had
such a crush on you already.

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‐ Nice meeting you.

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‐ Hi! Did you miss me?

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‐ Hello, how are you?

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‐ Today's Easter.

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SOLEIL: <i>Never felt like I didn't</i>
<i>have my childhood.</i>

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<i>My brother Meeno was six years older.</i>

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<i>He would constantly pick up</i>
<i>that camera as well.</i>

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Oh, my God, Meeno, you are such a dick.

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<i>My mom was a single mom raising us.</i>

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<i>She had a catering business.</i>

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<i>My father was an actor.</i>

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<i>He, Marlon Brando, Paul Newman,</i>
<i>were very good friends</i>

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<i>and had all been involved</i>
<i>in the civil rights movement.</i>

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You all believe that we
will overcome, don't ya?

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AUDIENCE: Yeah!
‐ So do we.

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WOMAN:
There's Virgil.

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SOLEIL: <i>He wasn't always there</i>
<i>as a parent, but they were friends.</i>

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[woman laughs]

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BRIAN: <i>There was tons of food and</i>
<i>it was really like laidback and fun.</i>

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<i>Everybody mingling and making</i>
<i>a mess and it didn't matter,</i>

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<i>and it was like easygoing and...</i>

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my house was
the complete opposite of that.

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‐ Your house had that feeling
like that it was a safe place

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and that you could hang out there
and... and be yourself.

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‐ It was the most loving environment.

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<i>Your mom was everybody's mom.</i>

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It just felt like it was home
for so many people.

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WOMAN:
<i>It was a group of us,</i>

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<i>and we were all genuinely friends</i>
<i>within our group.</i>

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‐ At that point in life,

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you have like no red flags
to look out for,

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you have no hang‐ups about anything.

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You're just, you're having fun.

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Like, you know, you're not concerned

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with having your heart broken
or any of that.

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<i>You just enjoy everything.</i>

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‐ Say yes to the '90s and no to drugs.
‐ Yeah.

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‐ Hi.
‐ We're chillin' at Sea World.

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‐ Yep.
‐ We're in San Diego.

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‐ Brian's gonna do a rap
about San Diego.

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<i>♪ Yo, we're here in San Diego ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Bruv, take it over ♪</i>

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<i>♪ I can't go on, no ♪</i>

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BRIAN:
I'm like 5'4", 70 pounds.

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‐ <i>Right down here, right down here.</i>
[indistinct]

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BOY: <i>Sounds great, Raff!</i>

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GIRL: <i>What did he say, "Raff"?</i>

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‐ [laughter]
BOY: <i>He said "Rolfe."</i>

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‐ It's the most awkward period
in your life, right,

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is when you're probably 13 to 19,

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<i>and that's when we were</i>
<i>in front of the cameras.</i>

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‐ To be really frank...

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[laughs] I mean, let's get honest, right?

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After <i>Punky,</i> I did a pilot.

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The pilot did not go.

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I was excited to be in school.

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But I started developing.

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And I started developing rapidly.

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<i>Going from a B to a C to a double D,</i>

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<i>to almost spilling into an E,</i>

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<i>and this all happened between</i>
<i>the time that I had finished "Punky"</i>

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<i>till I was 15.</i>

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<i>Everywhere I go, people are like,</i>
<i>"Oh, you're so grown up."</i>

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<i>You know, which was</i>
<i>just another way of being like,</i>

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<i>"Your tits are so big," you know?</i>

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‐ Now, you've gone ahead and grown up.

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‐ I've grown up.
‐ These things happen, right?

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She was cute little Punky Brewster,
now you're cute big Soleil Moon Frye.
‐ Thank you!

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‐ Are you ready for the clue puzzle round?
‐ I'm ready.

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‐ Okay.
SOLEIL: <i>So...</i>

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<i>the roles that I was getting offered</i>
<i>at 13, 14 years old</i>

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<i>are all "tits and ass" roles and I'm 13.</i>

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<i>I went from living this amazing childhood</i>

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<i>to...</i>

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<i>almost being forced into adulthood.</i>

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"As I enter my teen years, I should
feel good, but I actually feel sad.

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"I should feel privileged,
instead I feel deprived.

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"We're all just a bunch
of fucking lost angels

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trying to find our way
to the right track."

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MARK‐PAUL GOSSELAAR:
<i>The rejection that you deal with as a kid,</i>

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<i>I thought it was pretty blunt growing up,</i>

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like the reasons
for why you didn't get it.

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Like, "Eh, they just didn't
like your look."

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Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll go process that.

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SOLEIL:
I think in piecing this together

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and reading my diaries, it was...
it was intense when I was young,

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but as a teenager,
it was a whole other level of...

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‐ Yeah.
‐ ...crazy.

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Because I developed so quickly and...

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and men treated me more like a woman...

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‐ and not a 13‐year‐old.
‐ Sure.

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I remember walking on the stage
of <i>Saved by the Bell,</i>

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and the director's saying, "The minute
you walk through these double doors

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"leading onto the stage,
you're no longer a child anymore,

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you're an adult,
you have to act like an adult."

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And, you know, like,
you don't think much of it.

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You're like, "Okay, sure."

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But we all know what that meant,
is like this is an adult business.

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You know, it's not... I feel...
And that's one of the reasons
I don't want my children in it,

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is because I don't feel
it's a place for children.

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SOLEIL: <i>Any time I would talk to a guy,</i>
<i>he was looking straight at my boobs.</i>

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<i>When I go to camp, people are</i>
<i>calling me "Punky Boobster."</i>

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‐ Mom, take a look at these honkers, man.

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You're not... [laughs]

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‐ You are not... [laughing]
MEENO: Close‐up.

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‐ Ehhhh!

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SOLEIL: <i>So everyone,</i>
<i>from my inner circle of friends</i>

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<i>to going out in the world,</i>
<i>it just became...</i>

175
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<i>it became a punchline, it became a joke.</i>

176
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‐ Very scary.
MEENO: Yeah?

177
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‐ Shaking, yeah.
MEENO: How are you dealing with that?

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‐ Um...

179
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I'm gonna do something that's gonna
make me feel better about myself, so...

180
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‐ It's about 4:30,
five o'clock in the morning.

181
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I'm going in for my operation.

182
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It starts at 7:30.

183
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I'm scared, very scared.

184
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But I'm excited.

185
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MEENO: Hmm, your palatial ride
to the butchery.

186
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‐ Shut up, it's a good thing.

187
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MAN:
This is our supervisor.

188
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SUPERVISOR: Hi, how are you?
‐ Hi. Nice meeting you.

189
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‐ Dad, stop wheeling me in circles.

190
00:10:34.551 --> 00:10:36.011
‐ Wh‐what do you mean?

191
00:10:36.011 --> 00:10:37.971
MOTHER: No, no, Virgil,
don't make her dizzy.

192
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‐ You're so terrible.

193
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‐ They'll come in,
they'll get you all situated.

194
00:10:48.273 --> 00:10:50.317
Get yourself comfortable.

195
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WOMAN: Gentle, Soleil.
Squeeze... gentle.

196
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‐ [indistinct conversation]
‐ I'm so dizzy.

197
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♪ peaceful music playing ♪

198
00:11:04.665 --> 00:11:06.708
I'm in pain.

199
00:11:06.708 --> 00:11:08.210
But I'm okay.

200
00:11:08.210 --> 00:11:09.336
Come here.

201
00:11:10.504 --> 00:11:12.673
But you be careful, okay?
‐ All right.

202
00:11:14.132 --> 00:11:15.592
‐ I love you.
‐ Me too.

203
00:11:16.677 --> 00:11:19.805
‐ Your shirt's all wet.
‐ I know, I just got it out of the washer.

204
00:11:19.805 --> 00:11:21.306
‐ [laughs]
‐ Threw it on.

205
00:11:22.015 --> 00:11:23.684
‐ Hey.
‐ I love you.

206
00:11:23.684 --> 00:11:27.896
Now I'm going to be able to be
this person that I wanted to be

207
00:11:27.896 --> 00:11:29.565
for so fucking long.

208
00:11:29.565 --> 00:11:32.734
I'm going to be able
to have my own identity.

209
00:11:34.236 --> 00:11:37.573
<i>I just made a change that's gonna</i>
<i>affect me for the rest of my life.</i>

210
00:11:37.573 --> 00:11:38.949
<i>And I'm happy.</i>

211
00:11:38.949 --> 00:11:42.077
<i>I'm not gonna be known</i>
<i>as Punky Boobster.</i>

212
00:11:42.077 --> 00:11:46.039
<i>And I'll be able</i>
<i>to run around wild and be free.</i>

213
00:11:46.039 --> 00:11:48.625
I've learned a lot, actually.

214
00:11:49.751 --> 00:11:53.338
Ah... you're transcending
into a new person.

215
00:11:53.338 --> 00:11:54.923
And, um...

216
00:11:55.674 --> 00:11:57.926
I think you should be proud of yourself.

217
00:11:57.926 --> 00:11:59.094
[phone beeps]

218
00:12:14.985 --> 00:12:19.114
♪ rock guitar playing ♪

219
00:12:19.114 --> 00:12:23.368
SOLEIL: <i>It was</i>
<i>this very complicated thing</i>

220
00:12:23.368 --> 00:12:27.414
<i>because I wanted to be</i>
<i>grownup so badly.</i>

221
00:12:28.332 --> 00:12:31.710
<i>But Punky resonated so much with people.</i>

222
00:12:32.669 --> 00:12:35.422
<i>They don't necessarily want</i>
<i>that person to grow up, right?</i>

223
00:12:35.422 --> 00:12:38.091
‐ I hope you stay small 'cause
I love talking with small girls.
‐ Thank you.

224
00:12:38.091 --> 00:12:39.301
‐ Will you come back again?
‐ Yes.

225
00:12:39.301 --> 00:12:40.886
‐ A pleasure meeting you.
Thank you very much.

226
00:12:40.886 --> 00:12:42.596
SALLY JESSY RAPHAEL:
<i>When she was only 7 years old,</i>

227
00:12:42.596 --> 00:12:45.766
<i>she was pulling in</i>
<i>10,000 fan letters a week.</i>

228
00:12:45.766 --> 00:12:50.270
<i>Now actor Soleil Moon Frye is 16 and</i>
<i>speaking out on important teenage issues.</i>

229
00:12:50.270 --> 00:12:53.607
Why did you go public
with the breast reduction story?

230
00:12:53.607 --> 00:12:56.652
‐ Well, uh, I wanted to be able
to talk to young people

231
00:12:56.652 --> 00:13:00.364
and tell them what I went through,
and, um, dealing with insecurities,

232
00:13:00.364 --> 00:13:02.366
as a young teenager.

233
00:13:02.366 --> 00:13:05.077
And confronting my womanhood
was hard enough,

234
00:13:05.077 --> 00:13:08.080
let alone having this deep insecurity,
which was my breasts.

235
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:11.667
SOLEIL:
<i>I was so righteous, in a way,</i>

236
00:13:11.667 --> 00:13:15.295
<i>that I thought, okay,</i>
<i>I have this new body.</i>

237
00:13:15.295 --> 00:13:18.382
<i>People will really see me for who I am,</i>

238
00:13:18.382 --> 00:13:21.385
<i>and I'll be able to be taken</i>
<i>more seriously.</i>

239
00:13:22.344 --> 00:13:23.595
DIRECTOR: Action!

240
00:13:24.012 --> 00:13:26.765
‐ You fuckin' hit her, man.
‐ She came out of fuckin' nowhere.

241
00:13:26.765 --> 00:13:28.809
‐ I saw her fall right here.
‐ Where the fuck is she?

242
00:13:28.809 --> 00:13:30.143
DIRECTOR: And cut!
‐ Where the fuck is she?

243
00:13:31.770 --> 00:13:32.938
Where the fuck is she?

244
00:13:32.938 --> 00:13:35.357
Um, I can't find the sides,
so just tell me what it is?

245
00:13:35.357 --> 00:13:37.192
‐ "You guys, this is serious stuff."

246
00:13:37.192 --> 00:13:38.819
‐ This is serious shit...

247
00:13:38.819 --> 00:13:41.822
Can I just say like half of "shit"
and not say...?

248
00:13:41.822 --> 00:13:43.866
‐ [screaming]
‐ DIRECTOR: All right,
keep going, keep going.

249
00:13:43.866 --> 00:13:47.911
SOLEIL: <i>I felt like if I shouted</i>
<i>at the top of my lungs and I was brave,</i>

250
00:13:47.911 --> 00:13:50.747
<i>that the world would be accepting of that.</i>

251
00:13:50.747 --> 00:13:53.166
‐ Okay, well...
‐ This is really wild.

252
00:13:53.166 --> 00:13:55.377
HOST: Okay, that's, uh...
‐ Hi.

253
00:13:55.377 --> 00:13:56.920
HOST: That's David there.
SOLEIL: How are you?

254
00:13:57.880 --> 00:14:01.758
<i>♪ I'm walkin' the floor over you... ♪</i>

255
00:14:03.677 --> 00:14:06.305
♪

256
00:14:06.305 --> 00:14:08.432
[screaming]

257
00:14:08.432 --> 00:14:10.767
♪

258
00:14:17.024 --> 00:14:19.026
[straining]

259
00:14:19.026 --> 00:14:22.154
‐ So it didn't change the fact

260
00:14:22.154 --> 00:14:25.407
that people still
didn't take me seriously.

261
00:14:28.243 --> 00:14:31.288
<i>I think that's where</i>

262
00:14:31.288 --> 00:14:35.042
<i>I started really questioning myself</i>

263
00:14:35.042 --> 00:14:36.919
<i>and feeling more lost.</i>

264
00:14:37.920 --> 00:14:41.507
‐ You know, at that point, I thought
I was on top of the world,

265
00:14:41.507 --> 00:14:44.301
<i>but the lowest point</i>
<i>was when I did my record.</i>

266
00:14:46.011 --> 00:14:47.387
<i>Hip‐hop was my thing.</i>

267
00:14:47.387 --> 00:14:51.433
<i>I grew up listening to NWA</i>
<i>and, you know, all that, and like...</i>

268
00:14:51.433 --> 00:14:54.102
<i>of course I made a hip‐hop album.</i>

269
00:14:54.102 --> 00:14:55.646
<i>It's... it's what I knew.</i>

270
00:14:55.646 --> 00:14:58.440
<i>I remember people not reviewing it well,</i>

271
00:14:58.440 --> 00:15:03.195
<i>and that was the first like experience</i>
<i>I had with failure at something.</i>

272
00:15:04.071 --> 00:15:08.700
<i>So I remember at that point like going,</i>
<i>"Holy shit, people don't like me,"</i>

273
00:15:08.700 --> 00:15:10.869
<i>and, you know, that's when you</i>
<i>start getting in your head</i>

274
00:15:10.869 --> 00:15:12.996
<i>and you start worrying</i>
<i>about what you're wearing</i>

275
00:15:12.996 --> 00:15:16.208
<i>or how you're walking</i>
<i>or what you're doing or</i>

276
00:15:16.208 --> 00:15:17.584
<i>how you're perceived.</i>

277
00:15:17.584 --> 00:15:21.463
It was the first time
that I was like really aware of...

278
00:15:23.131 --> 00:15:28.220
learning to be who <i>I</i> wanted to be.

279
00:15:32.015 --> 00:15:33.684
‐ I think for me...

280
00:15:34.643 --> 00:15:37.563
picking up the camera
was a way of controlling it.

281
00:15:38.814 --> 00:15:40.941
<i>A way of saying, "Fuck you.</i>

282
00:15:40.941 --> 00:15:43.569
<i>I have my camera</i>
<i>and I'm gonna be an artist."</i>

283
00:15:43.569 --> 00:15:46.321
‐ [rattling]
‐ This is real Hollywood.

284
00:15:47.364 --> 00:15:48.448
‐ What's that?

285
00:15:51.410 --> 00:15:52.536
Is that a video camera?

286
00:15:52.536 --> 00:15:54.830
‐ Not used to seeing
a video camera like that...
SOLEIL: Hi.

287
00:15:54.830 --> 00:15:57.291
Video camera, say hi.
‐ Are you serious?

288
00:15:57.291 --> 00:15:59.168
SOLEIL: Yes.
‐ Let me see the other side.

289
00:15:59.877 --> 00:16:02.337
‐ Turn it this way so I can see, too.

290
00:16:02.337 --> 00:16:03.589
You always film.

291
00:16:04.548 --> 00:16:08.260
Do I look like crap? Like every time
you put me on this camera...

292
00:16:08.260 --> 00:16:10.012
‐ Press the button, back.

293
00:16:10.679 --> 00:16:12.848
Ooh, hash browns.

294
00:16:12.848 --> 00:16:16.602
This is man's ingenuity, right here.

295
00:16:16.602 --> 00:16:20.522
<i>I started just documenting</i>
<i>the world around me,</i>

296
00:16:20.522 --> 00:16:22.566
<i>documenting my friends,</i>

297
00:16:22.566 --> 00:16:24.443
<i>filming our lives.</i>

298
00:16:26.695 --> 00:16:30.949
‐ Cool camera, dude.
Does it have sound and everything?

299
00:16:30.949 --> 00:16:32.743
‐ What's that?
How can you see me in that thing?

300
00:16:33.410 --> 00:16:36.997
MARK‐PAUL: <i>It never was a thing</i>
<i>like, "Okay, Soleil is carrying</i>
<i>a video camera around."</i>

301
00:16:36.997 --> 00:16:40.209
<i>We never thought, "Oh, well,</i>
<i>she's gonna use that in a way</i>

302
00:16:40.209 --> 00:16:42.294
<i>that's gonna come back</i>
<i>and haunt us," you know.</i>

303
00:16:42.294 --> 00:16:43.962
Nowadays you see a flash go off

304
00:16:43.962 --> 00:16:46.340
and it's like this thing
in your stomach that goes,

305
00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:49.801
"What was I doing at the moment
that flash went off that can be
used against me?"

306
00:16:49.801 --> 00:16:52.679
‐ It's probably good that you did that
or we wouldn't have any of that...

307
00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:54.556
we wouldn't have
any of that footage, you know?

308
00:16:54.556 --> 00:16:57.309
SOLEIL: Tell me a little
philosophy in life, baby.

309
00:16:57.309 --> 00:16:59.436
‐ Uh, the philosophy in life's
that you should meet

310
00:16:59.436 --> 00:17:02.189
Soleil Moon Frye in your life
once upon a time.

311
00:17:02.189 --> 00:17:04.149
That's what I believe.

312
00:17:06.568 --> 00:17:09.571
‐ I'm starting to try to only be
dependent upon myself.

313
00:17:10.989 --> 00:17:12.741
Without being dependent
on anyone else.

314
00:17:13.659 --> 00:17:14.701
Know what I'm saying?

315
00:17:15.410 --> 00:17:18.038
This ain't no video interview or shit.

316
00:17:19.456 --> 00:17:21.667
SOLEIL: <i>We weren't concerned</i>
<i>about the Internet.</i>

317
00:17:21.667 --> 00:17:23.460
[women screaming]

318
00:17:23.460 --> 00:17:26.004
<i>It was pre‐Internet exploding, right?</i>

319
00:17:26.004 --> 00:17:27.923
<i>So people's relationship with the camera,</i>

320
00:17:27.923 --> 00:17:30.467
<i>nobody was... was on all the time.</i>

321
00:17:30.467 --> 00:17:32.845
<i>They were just being themselves.</i>

322
00:17:32.845 --> 00:17:34.304
SOLEIL:
So, what's your philosophy?

323
00:17:34.304 --> 00:17:36.807
I mean, what attracts you
to men more than women?

324
00:17:37.307 --> 00:17:41.645
‐ It's... it's something I'm
just born with, a feeling I have.

325
00:17:41.645 --> 00:17:43.772
Does everything have to be
sex with women?

326
00:17:49.528 --> 00:17:52.322
‐ The philosophies of life...

327
00:17:52.322 --> 00:17:54.950
is to have as much fun as possible

328
00:17:54.950 --> 00:17:57.494
without hurting anybody along the way.

329
00:17:58.161 --> 00:18:01.498
‐ You've got so many hours
of boring videotape on there.

330
00:18:06.378 --> 00:18:08.463
‐ Aha! Whoo!

331
00:18:10.841 --> 00:18:12.342
MAN:
Slow down, dude!

332
00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:19.308
[Soleil laughs]

333
00:18:22.019 --> 00:18:23.520
‐ Checking in.

334
00:18:23.520 --> 00:18:25.063
[laughing]

335
00:18:25.981 --> 00:18:27.566
MAN:
Going out to dinner tonight...

336
00:18:27.566 --> 00:18:28.817
SOLEIL: Have fun, guys.

337
00:18:28.817 --> 00:18:30.319
[screeches]

338
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:34.698
‐ History was just kind of chugging along
until the '90s and then it went...

339
00:18:34.698 --> 00:18:35.908
[hissing]

340
00:18:38.118 --> 00:18:41.496
DJ: <i>That was 40 minutes of nonstop K‐Rock,</i>
<i>Jane's Addiction, Erasure,</i>

341
00:18:41.496 --> 00:18:45.334
<i>INXS, English Beat, Primal Scream,</i>
<i>U2, and, uh, sometime real soon,</i>

342
00:18:45.334 --> 00:18:47.044
<i>tickets to the replacement show.</i>

343
00:18:48.712 --> 00:18:52.216
SOLEIL: Should be on our way
to Santa Barbara by now.
JENNY: Should be on our way. Shit.

344
00:18:52.216 --> 00:18:53.675
SOLEIL:
Jenny, what are we gonna do?

345
00:18:53.675 --> 00:18:55.052
‐ He's going to jail.

346
00:18:56.512 --> 00:18:58.680
I just hope he doesn't find my gun.

347
00:19:01.225 --> 00:19:02.267
I'm kidding.

348
00:19:04.228 --> 00:19:05.270
Yeah.

349
00:19:07.648 --> 00:19:09.149
Weapons, artillery?

350
00:19:11.443 --> 00:19:12.569
Drugs?

351
00:19:14.530 --> 00:19:16.657
Got some of those, too.

352
00:19:16.657 --> 00:19:20.577
SOLEIL: <i>We did so many of the things</i>
<i>that teenagers did.</i>

353
00:19:20.577 --> 00:19:22.913
<i>We just happened to be in Hollywood.</i>

354
00:19:23.580 --> 00:19:25.958
‐ I'm really stoned. [laughs]

355
00:19:25.958 --> 00:19:27.709
‐ Whoo!
‐ ♪ hard rock music playing ♪

356
00:19:31.672 --> 00:19:36.218
‐ You don't need drugs to be cool,
and if you have any problem,
please call. L'chaim! To life!

357
00:19:36.218 --> 00:19:37.636
♪ rock music continues ♪

358
00:19:37.636 --> 00:19:39.304
Happy are we!

359
00:19:39.304 --> 00:19:41.640
SOLEIL:
<i>I can sneak out with friends,</i>

360
00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:44.476
<i>tell my mom that I was going out</i>
<i>to hang out with friends,</i>

361
00:19:44.476 --> 00:19:47.020
<i>and I could go to any club and get in.</i>

362
00:19:47.020 --> 00:19:51.108
‐ The first club that we really
started going insane at was Bar One.

363
00:19:51.108 --> 00:19:53.110
Bar One was fucking insane.

364
00:19:55.112 --> 00:19:56.613
‐ Haaa!

365
00:19:56.613 --> 00:19:59.950
<i>You don't have</i>
<i>to take drugs to be cool.</i>
<i>You're cool within yourselves.</i>

366
00:19:59.950 --> 00:20:03.912
<i>Believe in yourself,</i>
<i>believe in what you can do,</i>
<i>and you can make anything happen,</i>

367
00:20:03.912 --> 00:20:05.247
<i>anywhere.</i>

368
00:20:05.247 --> 00:20:08.625
<i>Just say no‐‐ If somebody offers you</i>
<i>something, wants to sell you drugs,</i>

369
00:20:08.625 --> 00:20:10.794
<i>say no, say, hell no!</i>

370
00:20:10.794 --> 00:20:15.883
I used to say, "Just say no to drugs,"
and now I'm just too busy saying yeah!

371
00:20:15.883 --> 00:20:18.135
‐ You are listening to 106.7 K‐Rock.

372
00:20:18.135 --> 00:20:19.720
Next up we got Punky Brewster.

373
00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:24.141
She's gonna discuss candidly her bouts
with alcoholism, heroin abuse,

374
00:20:24.141 --> 00:20:26.435
and teenage prostitution, am I right?

375
00:20:26.435 --> 00:20:28.854
‐ No!
‐ All right, well, take one of them.

376
00:20:28.854 --> 00:20:32.232
FRIEND:
There we go. Oh, yeah!

377
00:20:32.232 --> 00:20:34.568
Oh, yeah, baby.

378
00:20:34.568 --> 00:20:36.820
[laughing]

379
00:20:39.448 --> 00:20:41.950
♪ rock music continues ♪

380
00:20:43.202 --> 00:20:45.204
MAN:
We, uh, we got away with everything.

381
00:20:45.204 --> 00:20:48.498
‐ It got pretty crazy.
It was like our '60s, right?

382
00:20:58.383 --> 00:21:00.928
BOY: You threw up?
‐ Should I just toss it in?

383
00:21:00.928 --> 00:21:03.639
You can't watch me taking
this fucking shit, it's so gross.

384
00:21:06.058 --> 00:21:07.893
You wanna take a hit of this?

385
00:21:18.111 --> 00:21:21.281
‐ I'm so fucked up, it's ridiculous.

386
00:21:23.408 --> 00:21:26.203
‐ Come here, gimme your hand.
Gimme your hand.

387
00:21:26.203 --> 00:21:28.830
‐ I am trippin' hard, Corey.
I love it.

388
00:21:28.830 --> 00:21:32.751
GIRL: I'm gonna just take this thing...
BOY: Where's my lighter?

389
00:21:32.751 --> 00:21:34.920
GIRL: No, it's okay.
BOY: Where's my lighter?

390
00:21:34.920 --> 00:21:37.172
GIRL: Oh, I found another one
with no spots.

391
00:21:38.090 --> 00:21:39.591
‐ I'm in fuckin' ecstasy.

392
00:21:39.591 --> 00:21:41.260
GIRL: Check it out, look at this one.

393
00:21:42.553 --> 00:21:44.513
Look at this one.
‐ Let me see it. Can I have it?

394
00:21:44.513 --> 00:21:45.806
‐ Oh, shit, hold on.

395
00:21:45.806 --> 00:21:48.183
‐ Will you let me have it
for a little while? I'll baby‐sit.

396
00:21:48.183 --> 00:21:50.310
GIRL: It's raining, you guys.
BOY: It's raining.

397
00:21:50.310 --> 00:21:52.479
GIRL: We gotta go.
GIRL 2: Look at the raindrops.

398
00:21:52.479 --> 00:21:54.439
Oh, my God,
look at the raindrops. Wow!

399
00:21:54.439 --> 00:21:56.358
‐ Dude, I'm queasy.

400
00:21:56.358 --> 00:21:57.693
SOLEIL:
Do you feel happy?

401
00:21:57.693 --> 00:22:00.070
All of the sudden, you like
the place that you're in

402
00:22:00.070 --> 00:22:01.738
and the car's nice.

403
00:22:01.738 --> 00:22:03.615
‐ [friend laughing]
‐ I like the car now.

404
00:22:03.615 --> 00:22:05.742
I didn't like the car 'cause
I wasn't friends with the car,

405
00:22:05.742 --> 00:22:08.036
but now I'm friends with the car,
so now it's fine.

406
00:22:08.036 --> 00:22:10.163
I like the raindrops.

407
00:22:11.707 --> 00:22:14.376
♪ singing along with romantic ballad ♪

408
00:22:15.419 --> 00:22:16.920
GIRL:
Seriously, Soleil? Nobody's...

409
00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:18.297
‐ I think I've fallen in love.

410
00:22:18.297 --> 00:22:20.841
I honestly do, and I'm kind of scared.
What do you think about that?

411
00:22:20.841 --> 00:22:22.885
‐ I really don't want anybody
to ever see these tapes,

412
00:22:22.885 --> 00:22:24.303
because I feel like I'm mad!

413
00:22:24.303 --> 00:22:26.388
[laughing]

414
00:22:33.937 --> 00:22:36.398
<i>♪ I can't take this... ♪</i>

415
00:22:36.398 --> 00:22:38.609
‐ Oh, yeah.
‐ [laughing]

416
00:22:40.068 --> 00:22:43.447
HEATHER: <i>I have such a soft spot</i>
<i>in my heart for mushrooms,</i>
<i>I must tell you,</i>

417
00:22:43.447 --> 00:22:44.781
because of that experience.

418
00:22:44.781 --> 00:22:46.867
<i>Our lives were very full.</i>

419
00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:11.808
SOLEIL:
<i>I had a lot of crushes as a kid.</i>

420
00:23:12.768 --> 00:23:15.062
<i>I think I was always trying</i>
<i>to find my true love,</i>

421
00:23:15.062 --> 00:23:17.731
<i>and I wanted to find true love.</i>

422
00:23:17.731 --> 00:23:18.857
[phone beeps]

423
00:23:23.362 --> 00:23:24.613
[phone beeps]

424
00:23:27.157 --> 00:23:28.825
<i>I was the kissing queen.</i>

425
00:23:29.618 --> 00:23:32.496
The funniest is that I was
the last virgin of all my friends.

426
00:23:42.506 --> 00:23:44.132
I was a big talker.

427
00:23:44.883 --> 00:23:48.637
<i>Not having a traditional childhood</i>

428
00:23:48.637 --> 00:23:51.223
<i>or a father that was always around,</i>

429
00:23:51.223 --> 00:23:55.352
I think part of me really wanted
to feel accepted.

430
00:23:57.104 --> 00:23:58.730
<i>I met Danny...</i>

431
00:24:00.232 --> 00:24:02.109
<i>through a friend.</i>

432
00:24:02.109 --> 00:24:04.111
GIRL: Soleil is gonna
win the game right here.

433
00:24:04.111 --> 00:24:05.779
SOLEIL:
<i>He was really my best friend.</i>

434
00:24:05.779 --> 00:24:07.406
‐ [laughing]
‐ Take the little one.

435
00:24:07.406 --> 00:24:09.491
It's her wand. Boing!

436
00:24:09.491 --> 00:24:12.369
SOLEIL:
<i>He saw the creative in me.</i>

437
00:24:12.369 --> 00:24:15.914
<i>And he also accepted me for me.</i>

438
00:24:16.790 --> 00:24:19.543
<i>Those early memories of us</i>

439
00:24:19.543 --> 00:24:24.256
<i>I remember being really, really joyful.</i>

440
00:24:24.256 --> 00:24:26.300
‐ [phone beeps]
DANNY: <i>Soleil, it's Danny.</i>

441
00:24:26.300 --> 00:24:28.969
<i>I hope to see you at nine o'clock, buddy.</i>

442
00:24:30.095 --> 00:24:31.346
[phone beeps]

443
00:24:31.346 --> 00:24:32.639
[crowd cheering]

444
00:24:32.639 --> 00:24:34.641
‐ ♪ hip‐hop playing ♪
<i>‐ ♪ Uh! ♪</i>

445
00:24:36.643 --> 00:24:37.811
<i>♪ Uh! ♪</i>

446
00:24:40.689 --> 00:24:42.649
<i>♪ Uh! Uh!... ♪</i>

447
00:24:42.649 --> 00:24:46.945
SOLEIL: <i>He had this group</i>
<i>that he was in called House of Pain.</i>

448
00:24:46.945 --> 00:24:50.407
<i>And House of Pain came out</i>

449
00:24:50.407 --> 00:24:55.412
<i>and it was the biggest album</i>
<i>at the time.</i>

450
00:24:55.412 --> 00:24:57.998
<i>"Jump Around" was everywhere.</i>

451
00:24:57.998 --> 00:25:00.000
<i>It was the hit song.</i>

452
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.044
<i>Every club you went to,</i>
<i>they were playing "Jump Around."</i>

453
00:25:02.044 --> 00:25:03.128
<i>Everywhere you went.</i>

454
00:25:03.128 --> 00:25:07.716
<i>He was getting to the height of his fame</i>
<i>and there was cars and girls</i>

455
00:25:07.716 --> 00:25:11.345
<i>and Hells Angels</i>
<i>and actors and rappers,</i>

456
00:25:11.345 --> 00:25:13.305
<i>and everybody wanted to be around him.</i>

457
00:25:13.305 --> 00:25:15.641
<i>And he was really the life of the party.</i>

458
00:25:15.641 --> 00:25:20.187
<i>And somehow he wanted me a part of it.</i>

459
00:25:24.441 --> 00:25:26.652
<i>I had my video camera.</i>

460
00:25:27.236 --> 00:25:30.113
<i>And he encouraged me to document it all.</i>

461
00:25:31.448 --> 00:25:33.492
He's like, "Here's our world.

462
00:25:33.492 --> 00:25:36.078
You're an artist.
Go ahead, roll the camera."

463
00:25:36.703 --> 00:25:38.705
♪ acoustic guitar playing ♪

464
00:25:42.918 --> 00:25:46.505
<i>♪ Girl, you're gone ♪</i>

465
00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:50.217
<i>♪ Girl, you're gone ♪</i>

466
00:25:50.884 --> 00:25:53.846
<i>♪ You searched your whole damn life ♪</i>

467
00:25:53.846 --> 00:25:56.014
<i>♪ To be gone ♪</i>

468
00:25:57.891 --> 00:26:01.520
<i>♪ Are you saved ♪</i>

469
00:26:01.520 --> 00:26:04.731
<i>♪ Have you been saved ♪</i>

470
00:26:06.358 --> 00:26:07.651
<i>♪ Every single day... ♪</i>

471
00:26:07.651 --> 00:26:10.612
SOLEIL:
<i>Danny's world was wild</i>

472
00:26:10.612 --> 00:26:13.323
<i>with rock and roll, with hip‐hop.</i>

473
00:26:13.323 --> 00:26:16.076
<i>♪ You knew this day would come... ♪</i>

474
00:26:16.076 --> 00:26:17.995
‐ Soleil.

475
00:26:19.580 --> 00:26:20.956
SOLEIL:
<i>It was confusing.</i>

476
00:26:20.956 --> 00:26:24.334
<i>We would both be dating other people,</i>
<i>but then we'd kiss,</i>

477
00:26:24.334 --> 00:26:26.712
<i>but we were best friends.</i>

478
00:26:27.504 --> 00:26:30.549
<i>And it was like a fucking volcano,</i>

479
00:26:30.549 --> 00:26:33.594
and it was building and building
and building until it erupted.

480
00:26:34.178 --> 00:26:37.806
And then we had to face
the consequences of living on the edge.

481
00:26:49.693 --> 00:26:51.361
SOLEIL:
Tell me a story, Danny.

482
00:26:52.821 --> 00:26:55.157
‐ Damn, do all girls know
that line, or what?

483
00:26:55.157 --> 00:26:57.367
[friends laughing]

484
00:26:57.367 --> 00:26:59.453
‐ I don't know any stories.
I only know bad stories.

485
00:26:59.453 --> 00:27:01.538
No good stories, no...
SOLEIL: Tell me a bad story.

486
00:27:01.538 --> 00:27:02.789
‐ ...romantic stories.

487
00:27:02.789 --> 00:27:05.667
Tell you a story right now,
a story about alcohol.

488
00:27:29.900 --> 00:27:34.029
<i>♪ The sadness in your eyes... ♪</i>

489
00:27:35.864 --> 00:27:37.866
SOLEIL: [whispering]
My happy days.

490
00:27:40.202 --> 00:27:41.495
Especially with Danny.

491
00:27:42.204 --> 00:27:43.247
Oh, God.

492
00:27:44.665 --> 00:27:46.166
If this is what life is like,

493
00:27:46.875 --> 00:27:49.336
I picked the wrong time to be alive.

494
00:27:49.336 --> 00:27:53.757
I think that as he was going down
this darker path

495
00:27:53.757 --> 00:27:57.261
<i>that he knew it was time to...</i>

496
00:27:57.261 --> 00:27:59.763
<i>to pass the torch in a way.</i>

497
00:28:12.067 --> 00:28:14.653
Please. I'm not in a good mood.

498
00:28:14.653 --> 00:28:16.697
GIRL:
Good, this is what I want on tape.

499
00:28:16.697 --> 00:28:18.490
Soleil not smiling for once,

500
00:28:18.490 --> 00:28:20.576
like the whole world thinks
she always is.

501
00:28:21.159 --> 00:28:22.494
[phone beeps]

502
00:28:27.708 --> 00:28:28.959
[phone beeps]

503
00:28:33.922 --> 00:28:35.048
[phone beeps]

504
00:28:38.343 --> 00:28:42.556
‐ I think we all must have felt
lonely in some ways,

505
00:28:42.556 --> 00:28:45.559
or at least some of us more than others.

506
00:28:47.227 --> 00:28:50.564
<i>I know that in retrospect,</i>
<i>and watching these videos.</i>

507
00:28:53.150 --> 00:28:55.444
And watching the videos where...

508
00:28:56.486 --> 00:29:01.325
friends were so obviously
reaching out for help

509
00:29:01.325 --> 00:29:03.911
or listening to the audio tapes

510
00:29:03.911 --> 00:29:06.496
and realizing that...

511
00:29:09.958 --> 00:29:14.338
some of my friends really
needed to be heard...

512
00:29:15.088 --> 00:29:16.798
and to have a friend listen.

513
00:29:18.675 --> 00:29:21.386
I didn't hear it, and I didn't see it.

514
00:29:21.386 --> 00:29:24.264
I only see it in retrospect.

515
00:29:24.264 --> 00:29:26.308
Twenty‐some‐odd years later.

516
00:29:31.396 --> 00:29:33.815
SOLEIL:
So tell me the philosophy of life,

517
00:29:33.815 --> 00:29:35.317
about happiness and all that shit.

518
00:29:35.317 --> 00:29:38.737
‐ I haven't found it, that's why
I'm an unhappy person with myself.

519
00:29:38.737 --> 00:29:40.197
SOLEIL:
You're unhappy?

520
00:29:40.197 --> 00:29:43.700
‐ Yeah, I told my mom
that I was insane today, and, um...

521
00:29:43.700 --> 00:29:45.494
she cried.

522
00:29:45.494 --> 00:29:46.995
But the sad...
‐ You really think you're insane?

523
00:29:46.995 --> 00:29:48.330
‐ Yeah, that's the sad thing.

524
00:29:48.330 --> 00:29:50.874
I mean, everybody
thinks about suicide, but...

525
00:29:51.750 --> 00:29:54.962
I mean, I've really,
really contemplated it.

526
00:29:56.046 --> 00:29:58.006
Stop the camera, please.

527
00:29:59.299 --> 00:30:02.094
SOLEIL:
<i>And they end up committing suicide.</i>

528
00:30:04.721 --> 00:30:06.849
And I didn't see it back then.

529
00:30:07.432 --> 00:30:09.476
‐ [phone beeps]
<i>‐ Soleil, this is Jonathan.</i>

530
00:30:09.476 --> 00:30:11.436
<i>I don't know if you got</i>
<i>my message last night.</i>

531
00:30:11.436 --> 00:30:13.730
<i>I wanna start off a new page.</i>

532
00:30:13.730 --> 00:30:16.108
<i>Soleil, it's Jonathan.</i>
<i>It's about ten o'clock on Thursday.</i>

533
00:30:16.108 --> 00:30:18.694
<i>You're not home. Where the hell are you?</i>
<i>You know what, you need a pager.</i>

534
00:30:19.695 --> 00:30:23.740
SOLEIL: <i>When I hear Jonathan's</i>
<i>recordings over and over and</i>

535
00:30:23.740 --> 00:30:25.784
<i>the amount of love that was there...</i>

536
00:30:26.201 --> 00:30:30.122
and that he must have been
going through so much pain.

537
00:30:33.208 --> 00:30:34.543
[phone beeps]

538
00:30:34.543 --> 00:30:37.296
JONATHAN:
<i>Rise and shine, sleepy head.</i>

539
00:30:38.755 --> 00:30:41.675
<i>Um, you know, and if I could</i>
<i>come over for the holidays,</i>

540
00:30:41.675 --> 00:30:44.761
<i>it'd be my pleasure,</i>
<i>and I love you, Soleil.</i>

541
00:30:46.221 --> 00:30:49.266
SOLEIL: <i>I found a diary</i>
<i>the other day that...</i>

542
00:30:50.017 --> 00:30:52.811
<i>said that we had spoken</i>
<i>about getting married someday</i>

543
00:30:52.811 --> 00:30:54.188
<i>and having a family.</i>

544
00:30:54.188 --> 00:30:55.564
[phone beeps]

545
00:30:55.564 --> 00:30:57.482
JONATHAN:
<i>I love you, Soleil.</i>

546
00:30:57.482 --> 00:31:00.319
<i>I love her. I've always loved her.</i>

547
00:31:02.654 --> 00:31:04.489
‐ [phone beeps]
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>One.</i>

548
00:31:16.210 --> 00:31:18.378
‐ I don't know, sometimes people...

549
00:31:19.588 --> 00:31:22.883
just are kind of done with this world.

550
00:31:23.300 --> 00:31:26.720
As sad as that sounds,
they just, it's too painful.

551
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:30.265
It's like they've done it and...
and they just don't want to anymore,

552
00:31:30.265 --> 00:31:32.226
which is really sad because...

553
00:31:32.851 --> 00:31:37.689
it gets better and,
you know, life's worth fighting for.

554
00:31:44.947 --> 00:31:47.366
‐ How do you remember so far back?

555
00:31:54.665 --> 00:31:56.583
‐ [phone beeps]
VIRGIL: <i>Sorry you're not there, baby.</i>

556
00:31:56.583 --> 00:31:58.126
<i>This is your daddy.</i>

557
00:31:58.126 --> 00:32:02.297
<i>Stay home because the cops</i>
<i>are out and gangs are out and...</i>

558
00:32:02.297 --> 00:32:05.050
<i>people are burning down</i>
<i>East Los Angeles again.</i>

559
00:32:05.676 --> 00:32:08.178
<i>And for good reason, unfortunately.</i>

560
00:32:12.057 --> 00:32:14.268
SOLEIL: There's gonna be
another one, you guys.

561
00:32:14.268 --> 00:32:17.271
MAN: Well, it obviously was
a fairly large quake.

562
00:32:17.271 --> 00:32:18.772
I would estimate...

563
00:32:18.772 --> 00:32:20.899
[indistinct conversation]

564
00:32:20.899 --> 00:32:22.234
[phone beeping]

565
00:32:22.234 --> 00:32:24.152
DISPATCHER:
<i>Attention, all units and stations.</i>

566
00:32:24.152 --> 00:32:26.113
<i>Attempt to locate 187 suspect</i>

567
00:32:26.113 --> 00:32:29.283
<i>in a white 1993 Ford Bronco.</i>

568
00:32:29.283 --> 00:32:32.286
[indistinct commentary]

569
00:32:40.169 --> 00:32:42.588
‐ This is really the first time...

570
00:32:43.672 --> 00:32:46.633
that I'm trying to just strip away...

571
00:32:47.926 --> 00:32:49.469
the mask...

572
00:32:52.973 --> 00:32:55.517
all of it, and just go, "Here I am."

573
00:32:58.645 --> 00:33:00.981
I drank whatever they gave me.

574
00:33:11.658 --> 00:33:13.202
‐ I don't know what happened.

575
00:33:45.859 --> 00:33:47.736
♪ ethereal music playing ♪

576
00:33:50.948 --> 00:33:53.116
‐ I can't even think right now.

577
00:33:53.659 --> 00:33:56.828
‐ Have to start,
<i>People</i> magazine cover recently.

578
00:33:56.828 --> 00:33:59.164
‐ Big story on you!
‐ [applause]

579
00:33:59.164 --> 00:34:01.792
Let me tell you why I bring that up,
because we've done shows

580
00:34:01.792 --> 00:34:04.127
with kids your age talking about
the peer pressure

581
00:34:04.127 --> 00:34:06.421
and the fact that you were gutsy enough
to come out and say,

582
00:34:06.421 --> 00:34:08.340
"Hey, listen, fight it,
you don't need that."

583
00:34:08.340 --> 00:34:11.009
‐ Right. I'm not all breasts.
I'm also a virgin, everybody.

584
00:34:11.009 --> 00:34:14.596
Yes, I am a virgin, and I am proud of it,
and the reason I talked about it

585
00:34:14.596 --> 00:34:17.391
was because I believe that young people
should have the right to say no.

586
00:34:17.391 --> 00:34:21.061
A lot of young women don't know
that they have the right

587
00:34:21.061 --> 00:34:24.439
to say, "Wait a second, I wanna wait.
Let's go and get tested together."

588
00:34:24.439 --> 00:34:27.276
You know, there's a lot of scary diseases
the young people are confronted with.

589
00:34:27.276 --> 00:34:30.320
And as young women,
I think that we have the right,

590
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:32.698
and also as young men,
to say, "Wait a second, let's wait.

591
00:34:32.698 --> 00:34:35.409
"Let's see, let's make sure we're in love,
let's make sure that, you know,

592
00:34:35.409 --> 00:34:37.202
that we can trust each other."

593
00:34:37.202 --> 00:34:38.912
[phone beeps]

594
00:34:59.766 --> 00:35:01.476
[phone beeps]

595
00:35:05.772 --> 00:35:09.193
SOLEIL: <i>"An incredible childhood,</i>
<i>a single mother,</i>
<i>whom loved us with all her heart.</i>

596
00:35:09.193 --> 00:35:10.986
<i>"A father who, although</i>
<i>he was not always there,</i>

597
00:35:10.986 --> 00:35:13.155
<i>"told me he loved me forever,</i>
<i>and I believed him.</i>

598
00:35:13.155 --> 00:35:16.658
<i>"My brother helped raise me and always</i>
<i>made me feel safe and cared for.</i>

599
00:35:16.658 --> 00:35:18.160
<i>"I grew up playing make‐believe.</i>

600
00:35:18.160 --> 00:35:20.954
<i>"I loved acting</i>
<i>and it was part of my everyday.</i>

601
00:35:20.954 --> 00:35:23.665
<i>"I was still 100% a kid and daughter.</i>

602
00:35:23.665 --> 00:35:25.000
<i>"Laughter filled our house often.</i>

603
00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:26.919
<i>"We were never forced</i>
<i>in front of the camera.</i>

604
00:35:26.919 --> 00:35:29.421
<i>"It was something we wanted to do 1,000%.</i>

605
00:35:29.421 --> 00:35:32.549
<i>"We went to summer camp</i>
<i>and celebrated all holidays.</i>

606
00:35:32.549 --> 00:35:35.093
<i>"Traveled the world</i>
<i>and had wonderful friends.</i>

607
00:35:36.011 --> 00:35:38.305
<i>"I'm an incredibly nostalgic person.</i>

608
00:35:38.305 --> 00:35:42.309
<i>"And I think much of that is due</i>
<i>to the love that existed around.</i>

609
00:35:45.395 --> 00:35:47.898
<i>"I met him somewhere around 17 or 18.</i>

610
00:35:47.898 --> 00:35:50.067
<i>"I was drawn to him immediately.</i>

611
00:35:50.067 --> 00:35:52.402
<i>"He wrangled me with his sweet charm.</i>

612
00:35:52.402 --> 00:35:55.656
"I wanted to give into the sweet
and loving person that he was.

613
00:35:55.656 --> 00:35:57.574
"But there was also another side
that existed,

614
00:35:57.574 --> 00:36:00.118
"who was hard and tough, harsh and cold.

615
00:36:00.118 --> 00:36:04.039
"We were making out and getting close
to me finally letting go of myself.

616
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:08.252
"Almost ready to give my innocence
to this person that I cared about deeply.

617
00:36:08.252 --> 00:36:11.672
"As he laid on top of me,
I realized I was not ready.

618
00:36:11.672 --> 00:36:15.676
"Frustrated, he did not roll over
or get up and leave the room.

619
00:36:15.676 --> 00:36:18.595
"Instead, he chose
to thrust himself in me,

620
00:36:18.595 --> 00:36:20.973
"at which point I tried to push him off.

621
00:36:20.973 --> 00:36:24.434
"He got up and left the room.
I was in shock.

622
00:36:25.435 --> 00:36:27.813
"We had not made love,
we had not had sex.

623
00:36:27.813 --> 00:36:29.147
"It was a thrust.

624
00:36:29.773 --> 00:36:33.485
"But my 17‐year‐old mind
and body was confused.

625
00:36:34.111 --> 00:36:36.488
"What happened next
was something I'll never forget.

626
00:36:36.488 --> 00:36:40.742
"I walked into the next room where he sat,
obviously upset with me, watching TV,

627
00:36:40.742 --> 00:36:43.120
"and without looking me
in the eyes, he said,

628
00:36:43.120 --> 00:36:45.414
"'So how does it feel
not to be a virgin anymore?'

629
00:36:50.627 --> 00:36:53.338
"He asked if I would say he raped me.

630
00:36:54.256 --> 00:36:55.591
"But I wouldn't.

631
00:36:55.591 --> 00:36:58.927
"I was also to blame for my forwardness.

632
00:37:01.763 --> 00:37:04.016
"I do not regret my actions.

633
00:37:05.017 --> 00:37:08.478
"Like I've always believed,
let the pain be my scars.

634
00:37:09.813 --> 00:37:13.233
"And this person has
a million faces that I still love.

635
00:37:16.236 --> 00:37:18.280
<i>"The water is clear and pure.</i>

636
00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:21.575
<i>"If a bug lands in the water,</i>
<i>you don't drink it.</i>

637
00:37:21.575 --> 00:37:23.577
<i>"It's no longer clean.</i>

638
00:37:23.577 --> 00:37:25.829
<i>"You look for another glass of water.</i>

639
00:37:27.581 --> 00:37:30.083
"I glance upon this glass of water
in front of me

640
00:37:30.083 --> 00:37:31.668
"with the bug floating on top,

641
00:37:31.668 --> 00:37:34.129
and I wonder how symbolic
this is to me."

642
00:37:40.177 --> 00:37:41.678
I‐I don't think I ever‐‐

643
00:37:41.678 --> 00:37:44.389
I never really dealt with it
because I never shared it,

644
00:37:44.389 --> 00:37:45.849
so I just locked it away.

645
00:37:45.849 --> 00:37:49.520
I... I locked it away in my vault, and...

646
00:37:50.062 --> 00:37:52.773
and I wrote this happy story

647
00:37:52.773 --> 00:37:56.360
or this story that was
really joyful and...

648
00:37:58.028 --> 00:38:01.698
for me that, that, that
I could wrap my head around.

649
00:38:01.698 --> 00:38:04.409
And that was just
a part of my life that I...

650
00:38:04.409 --> 00:38:08.163
that I put in a vault,
that I never wanted to open up.

651
00:38:09.706 --> 00:38:13.502
<i>And so I wasn't comfortable</i>
<i>talking to my mom or my brother</i>

652
00:38:13.502 --> 00:38:15.087
<i>or my family or my friends.</i>

653
00:38:16.672 --> 00:38:18.590
And I just locked it away my whole life.

654
00:38:20.634 --> 00:38:23.303
<i>And it's only been</i>
<i>through this experience...</i>

655
00:38:24.388 --> 00:38:25.639
<i>that, uh...</i>

656
00:38:26.974 --> 00:38:28.851
that I've even had to face it.

657
00:38:32.062 --> 00:38:35.232
So, it goes to this whole thing
around memory and...

658
00:38:36.316 --> 00:38:38.944
are memories real or

659
00:38:38.944 --> 00:38:42.447
are they the stories that we
wanna tell ourselves, you know?

660
00:38:45.534 --> 00:38:47.494
‐ [phone beeps]
MAN: <i>Hello?</i>

661
00:38:48.078 --> 00:38:49.371
<i>Soleil, are you there?</i>

662
00:38:49.371 --> 00:38:51.665
<i>You're not there, it's Charles calling.</i>

663
00:38:51.665 --> 00:38:52.749
[phone beeps]

664
00:38:53.292 --> 00:38:55.794
‐ "December 18th, 1994.

665
00:38:55.794 --> 00:38:57.796
"I lost my virginity.

666
00:38:57.796 --> 00:39:00.799
<i>"He was my first.</i>
<i>Who would have known?</i>

667
00:39:00.799 --> 00:39:03.844
It's been the most strange
and incredible day ever."

668
00:39:03.844 --> 00:39:05.929
ALL: Hi!

669
00:39:06.597 --> 00:39:08.140
‐ Soleil Moon Frye.

670
00:39:08.140 --> 00:39:11.310
SOLEIL: <i>I don't truly know how</i>
<i>to explain my feelings.</i>

671
00:39:11.310 --> 00:39:13.562
<i>He's somebody I've had</i>
<i>a crush on for years.</i>

672
00:39:13.562 --> 00:39:16.899
<i>He's a person that intrigues me</i>
<i>and excites me.</i>

673
00:39:16.899 --> 00:39:20.235
MAN: Let's hear it
for Andre Agassi, you guys!

674
00:39:20.235 --> 00:39:21.778
SOLEIL:
<i>"We smoked a cigarette.</i>

675
00:39:21.778 --> 00:39:25.824
<i>He whispered softly as he simply asked</i>
<i>what my fantasies are."</i>

676
00:39:25.824 --> 00:39:28.911
‐ [phone beeps]
CHARLIE SHEEN:
<i>Hey, Soleil, it's, uh, Charles calling.</i>

677
00:39:29.620 --> 00:39:34.416
<i>Uh, it is Wednesday night</i>
<i>at about eleven o'clock,</i>

678
00:39:34.416 --> 00:39:37.211
<i>and, uh, I gotta talk to you.</i>

679
00:39:37.211 --> 00:39:39.379
‐ Are we on right now?

680
00:39:53.644 --> 00:39:55.103
‐ We don't know he's Caucasian.

681
00:40:00.734 --> 00:40:03.028
‐ Soleil, what's with the camera?
What's with the camera?

682
00:40:03.028 --> 00:40:04.404
What's with the whole thing?

683
00:40:04.905 --> 00:40:06.573
JONATHAN SILVERMAN: Come on.
‐ Was it...

684
00:40:06.573 --> 00:40:08.867
Was it Keanu? Billy Baldwin?

685
00:40:08.867 --> 00:40:11.453
‐ The tape is almost at the end,
so you have to end this tape somehow.

686
00:40:11.453 --> 00:40:13.247
‐ The tape's at the end?
‐ It's almost to its end.

687
00:40:13.247 --> 00:40:15.415
‐ You know all about
how these things work, don't you?

688
00:40:18.502 --> 00:40:22.297
‐ I think I was drawn
towards the extremes...

689
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:29.805
because I wanted to feel it all
and I wanted to experience it all and...

690
00:40:29.805 --> 00:40:33.267
<i>but I don't know if it goes back to</i>

691
00:40:33.267 --> 00:40:35.352
my relationship with my father.

692
00:40:35.894 --> 00:40:38.647
My relationship to men,

693
00:40:39.314 --> 00:40:42.109
<i>that need to feel loved.</i>

694
00:40:44.319 --> 00:40:47.531
‐ We had some life lessons to learn, so...

695
00:40:47.531 --> 00:40:50.784
Back then I didn't quite understand

696
00:40:50.784 --> 00:40:53.620
how real it got
at certain moments in time.

697
00:40:54.580 --> 00:40:56.582
Life gets rough.

698
00:40:56.582 --> 00:41:00.043
It was all kind of innocent to begin with.

699
00:41:01.378 --> 00:41:04.840
Then it just started progressive,
as it does,

700
00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:06.717
getting a little more insane

701
00:41:06.717 --> 00:41:10.137
and different drugs started
coming into play.

702
00:41:10.137 --> 00:41:13.223
Acid, mushrooms and... coke.

703
00:41:13.223 --> 00:41:15.809
And then crack.

704
00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:18.562
And to heroin.

705
00:41:18.562 --> 00:41:21.190
But, uh, we smoked it.

706
00:41:21.190 --> 00:41:23.692
I never did anything else
than that, but...

707
00:41:23.692 --> 00:41:24.818
that was enough.

708
00:41:24.818 --> 00:41:25.986
I mean...

709
00:41:26.570 --> 00:41:30.908
I always did this little thing
where I'd do it
and then not do it for a long time,

710
00:41:30.908 --> 00:41:33.952
where I wouldn't get
so super strung out or anything.

711
00:41:33.952 --> 00:41:37.581
Which isn't any excuse, but it...

712
00:41:37.581 --> 00:41:41.460
maybe kept me from dying,
you know what I mean?

713
00:41:42.461 --> 00:41:44.087
It got dark for a while.

714
00:41:44.087 --> 00:41:45.923
Did Paul talk about it at all?

715
00:41:46.882 --> 00:41:50.969
‐ There was a few years
stretch in there where

716
00:41:50.969 --> 00:41:55.098
it seemed like I was losing
a friend every week.

717
00:41:56.433 --> 00:41:59.895
‐ You know, you'd hope
that you'd live to be old and...

718
00:41:59.895 --> 00:42:01.605
I mean, that's probably the fairy tale.

719
00:42:17.996 --> 00:42:20.749
SOLEIL: What do you think of this place?
‐ What do I think of this place?

720
00:42:23.043 --> 00:42:25.295
I have a lot of thoughts on this place.

721
00:42:25.295 --> 00:42:28.173
I've decided that I probably wanna check
something else out for a while.

722
00:42:28.173 --> 00:42:30.676
This place makes me pretty upset.

723
00:42:32.511 --> 00:42:34.429
Yeah? What does it do to you?

724
00:42:40.435 --> 00:42:43.272
SOLEIL: <i>By 18, I was ready</i>
<i>to move out of Hollywood.</i>

725
00:42:44.231 --> 00:42:47.359
<i>I had experienced some pain.</i>

726
00:42:48.443 --> 00:42:51.530
<i>I had lost some of my innocence.</i>

727
00:42:51.530 --> 00:42:53.782
And... and I was ready
to move on, to be honest.

728
00:42:53.782 --> 00:42:55.868
I was ready for
the next stage of my life.

729
00:42:57.578 --> 00:42:59.663
GIRL: Eighteen years old.
Next thing you know...

730
00:43:00.497 --> 00:43:01.832
you're gonna be 40.

731
00:43:01.832 --> 00:43:04.376
‐ [girls laughing]
‐ Turn it off.

732
00:43:04.376 --> 00:43:07.588
‐ You and I, we liked to think about...

733
00:43:08.172 --> 00:43:11.508
"Hmm, that would be amazing,
I wanna try that."

734
00:43:11.508 --> 00:43:13.760
‐ I think I was trying
to find something more.

735
00:43:13.802 --> 00:43:19.641
<i>I wanted to be taken seriously,</i>
<i>by my peers, by my craft.</i>

736
00:43:19.641 --> 00:43:21.810
‐ It was almost like you wanted to...

737
00:43:21.810 --> 00:43:24.980
it's all in,
it's all in the same vein

738
00:43:24.980 --> 00:43:27.733
of like wanting to, um...

739
00:43:27.733 --> 00:43:29.943
capture as much life,
have as much life,

740
00:43:29.943 --> 00:43:32.321
have as many experiences as you can.

741
00:43:32.321 --> 00:43:36.700
‐ And I thought there was no better
place to do it than the Actors Studio

742
00:43:36.700 --> 00:43:38.202
and going to New York City.

743
00:43:38.202 --> 00:43:41.288
‐ [indistinct conversation]
SOLEIL: They invited me...

744
00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:43.123
‐ That's all I gotta say.

745
00:43:45.334 --> 00:43:48.003
SOLEIL: I've got a big crack
across my camera lens.

746
00:43:48.003 --> 00:43:50.172
‐ Did I do that to your lens?
‐ Yeah.

747
00:43:50.172 --> 00:43:53.175
‐ I don't like it. It looks cracked, bro.

748
00:43:53.175 --> 00:43:54.384
FRIEND: Is it?

749
00:43:54.384 --> 00:43:56.053
[dog barking]

750
00:44:20.369 --> 00:44:22.371
♪ acoustic guitar playing ♪

751
00:44:27.793 --> 00:44:30.462
‐ I sure love you, and I'm gonna
miss you, my baby cakes.

752
00:44:30.462 --> 00:44:33.507
That's my baby that's going to college,
and I am so proud of her.

753
00:44:33.507 --> 00:44:34.800
Look at her.

754
00:44:40.973 --> 00:44:43.934
‐ This is my childhood wall,
and now I'm leaving.

755
00:44:47.855 --> 00:44:51.191
Soleil Moon Frye signing off
in her room for one last time.

756
00:44:53.193 --> 00:44:56.196
‐ I will put together
a Mommy Love package for you for college,

757
00:44:56.196 --> 00:45:00.075
but right now I want you to have
one of my most treasured protective pieces

758
00:45:00.075 --> 00:45:01.952
and that's my Buddha bracelet.

759
00:45:05.455 --> 00:45:06.665
‐ Mom.

760
00:45:07.332 --> 00:45:08.834
‐ [camera shutter clicks]
MOTHER: Kisses.

761
00:45:10.377 --> 00:45:11.879
Okay, just shut the door.

762
00:45:11.879 --> 00:45:14.840
R&B SINGER:
<i>♪ Just be my little woman ♪</i>

763
00:45:15.757 --> 00:45:17.759
<i>♪ Just be my lover ♪</i>

764
00:45:18.594 --> 00:45:19.970
<i>♪ Oh ♪</i>

765
00:45:19.970 --> 00:45:22.097
<i>♪ I need me somebody ♪</i>

766
00:45:22.973 --> 00:45:25.517
[indistinct conversation]

767
00:45:28.812 --> 00:45:32.149
MOTHER: We are rushing.
Soleil is rushing to make this flight.

768
00:45:32.149 --> 00:45:33.317
SOLEIL:
We're late.

769
00:45:34.109 --> 00:45:36.737
New York. See, I'm getting ready
to pass through this line.

770
00:45:38.322 --> 00:45:40.365
Excuse me, sir.

771
00:45:40.991 --> 00:45:42.201
Oh, my God.

772
00:45:42.201 --> 00:45:43.827
I'm freaking out.

773
00:45:43.827 --> 00:45:45.162
I'm just so happy right now.

774
00:45:48.999 --> 00:45:52.085
MOTHER: She's getting ready
to go to college.
She wants it on film.

775
00:45:52.085 --> 00:45:55.797
‐ This reminds me of like
the summer camp with my family,

776
00:45:55.797 --> 00:45:58.258
and they drop you at camp,
and you're like, "Okay, bye,"

777
00:45:58.258 --> 00:46:00.177
and you're all sad because
you're gonna say goodbye to them

778
00:46:00.177 --> 00:46:02.888
and you're so young, you know, so it's
like your first time out in the world.

779
00:46:02.888 --> 00:46:04.473
You meet so many new people.

780
00:46:04.473 --> 00:46:08.018
And so this is like it, like,
at a new age, so it's really hard.

781
00:46:08.018 --> 00:46:09.478
Mommy, I love you.

782
00:46:09.478 --> 00:46:11.230
‐ I love you, baby cakes.

783
00:46:11.230 --> 00:46:12.356
Bye, honey.

784
00:46:13.232 --> 00:46:14.775
SOLEIL: Daddy, I love you.

785
00:46:14.775 --> 00:46:18.445
♪ acoustic guitar playing ♪

786
00:46:30.123 --> 00:46:32.167
MAN: <i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>
<i>we welcome you</i>

787
00:46:32.167 --> 00:46:34.711
<i>to New York's</i>
<i>John F. Kennedy International Airport.</i>

788
00:46:34.711 --> 00:46:37.297
SOLEIL:
<i>♪ Start spreading the news ♪</i>

789
00:46:37.297 --> 00:46:38.924
DRIVER:
<i>♪ Spreading the news ♪</i>

790
00:46:38.924 --> 00:46:41.009
SOLEIL:
<i>♪ I'm goin' today ♪</i>

791
00:46:41.009 --> 00:46:43.136
DRIVER:
<i>♪ I'm goin' today ♪</i>

792
00:46:43.136 --> 00:46:48.016
BOTH:
<i>♪ I want to be a part of it ♪</i>

793
00:46:48.016 --> 00:46:50.477
<i>♪ New York, New York ♪</i>

794
00:46:50.477 --> 00:46:52.479
SOLEIL: Don't you love that song?
DRIVER: Yeah.

795
00:46:52.479 --> 00:46:55.607
BOTH:
<i>♪ These little town blues ♪</i>

796
00:46:55.607 --> 00:46:57.484
DRIVER:
<i>♪ In New York ♪</i>

797
00:46:57.484 --> 00:46:59.570
<i>♪ Singing the blues ♪</i>

798
00:47:00.404 --> 00:47:02.739
<i>♪ New York, New York... ♪</i>

799
00:47:03.657 --> 00:47:04.825
SOLEIL: Whoo!

800
00:47:09.872 --> 00:47:13.709
Life in New York has gotten miserable.
Looking for an apartment is hell.

801
00:47:13.709 --> 00:47:15.377
And I'm about to fucking die.

802
00:47:15.377 --> 00:47:16.670
[Soleil speaking indistinctly]

803
00:47:16.670 --> 00:47:18.213
‐ Can you see me?

804
00:47:18.213 --> 00:47:22.426
I'm looking for an apartment to live in.

805
00:47:22.426 --> 00:47:24.720
SOLEIL:
Life was good back in L. A.

806
00:47:24.720 --> 00:47:28.056
‐ This chick Soleil said, "Come on,
you have to go back to New York.

807
00:47:28.056 --> 00:47:30.350
You have to go back to New York,
it'd be so much, so cool."

808
00:47:30.350 --> 00:47:32.853
And so I left my job there...
‐ [Soleil giggles]

809
00:47:32.853 --> 00:47:34.938
‐ ...and I came back here.

810
00:47:40.569 --> 00:47:42.029
SOLEIL:
<i>I felt a sense of freedom.</i>

811
00:47:42.029 --> 00:47:44.239
<i>It was the first time</i>
<i>I was living on my own.</i>

812
00:47:44.239 --> 00:47:47.075
<i>It was outside of this L. A. bubble.</i>

813
00:47:47.826 --> 00:47:49.411
<i>And I felt really free.</i>

814
00:47:49.411 --> 00:47:52.164
It's like eight o'clock in the morning,
I'm getting ready to go to class.

815
00:47:52.164 --> 00:47:53.707
It's kind of scary.

816
00:47:53.707 --> 00:47:56.168
♪ light piano playing ♪

817
00:48:04.510 --> 00:48:05.969
How long have we lived here, Matt?

818
00:48:07.304 --> 00:48:08.305
‐ Two weeks.

819
00:48:08.931 --> 00:48:11.266
[indistinct conversation]

820
00:48:11.266 --> 00:48:12.643
SOLEIL:
Hasn't been two weeks.

821
00:48:12.643 --> 00:48:15.437
‐ But if we, if we get a fridge, we want
a place for the garbage can, right?

822
00:48:15.437 --> 00:48:18.524
SOLEIL: So, what'll we live on?
We have, we have one pot.

823
00:48:18.524 --> 00:48:21.902
MATT: Then it's that.
‐ At least we have nothing
to beat each other.

824
00:48:21.902 --> 00:48:24.154
This is life for the struggling artist.

825
00:48:24.154 --> 00:48:27.157
SOLEIL:
<i>I'm living on this futon on the floor.</i>

826
00:48:27.157 --> 00:48:29.535
<i>And it's the best experience of my life.</i>

827
00:48:29.535 --> 00:48:32.454
<i>Immediately I got on stage in New York.</i>

828
00:48:32.454 --> 00:48:35.374
<i>It was terrifying and exciting.</i>

829
00:48:35.374 --> 00:48:37.960
‐ Try to make this your best performance,
just for yourself.

830
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:41.839
SOLEIL: <i>It was me on stage,</i>
<i>completely unveiled.</i>

831
00:48:42.548 --> 00:48:46.009
<i>And I got up on stage and...</i>

832
00:48:46.009 --> 00:48:48.136
I had come into my own.

833
00:48:49.137 --> 00:48:50.222
[phone beeps]

834
00:48:51.431 --> 00:48:53.934
CHARLIE:
<i>Hello? Soleil, are you there?</i>

835
00:48:54.476 --> 00:48:56.562
<i>You're not there.</i>
<i>It's Charles calling.</i>

836
00:48:56.562 --> 00:48:57.771
<i>I'm on the set.</i>

837
00:48:58.647 --> 00:48:59.690
<i>Long time, no talk.</i>

838
00:48:59.690 --> 00:49:04.194
‐ And then, the person I lost
my virginity to,

839
00:49:04.194 --> 00:49:06.530
my Florida experience,
he came back around,

840
00:49:06.530 --> 00:49:08.407
and he was my...

841
00:49:09.032 --> 00:49:10.367
my Mister Big.

842
00:49:10.367 --> 00:49:13.412
<i>Would take me to the Yankee game and...</i>

843
00:49:13.412 --> 00:49:15.080
COMMENTATOR:
<i>Those that are remaining are still...</i>

844
00:49:15.080 --> 00:49:18.375
SOLEIL: <i>"I remember,</i>
<i>I remember going opening day</i>

845
00:49:18.375 --> 00:49:20.085
<i>"and it being springtime,</i>

846
00:49:20.085 --> 00:49:23.046
<i>"and it's snowing in New York</i>
<i>and I was there with him,</i>

847
00:49:23.046 --> 00:49:27.509
"and we cheered and laughed
and we smiled and yelled out
under the ice cold.

848
00:49:27.509 --> 00:49:30.888
<i>"It began snowing</i>
<i>and it was like a surreal dream,</i>

849
00:49:30.888 --> 00:49:33.974
<i>"white snowflakes falling</i>
<i>across beautiful faces</i>

850
00:49:33.974 --> 00:49:35.684
<i>"of the American dream.</i>

851
00:49:35.684 --> 00:49:37.811
<i>"He leaned in and kissed me</i>

852
00:49:37.811 --> 00:49:40.814
"as he played with my hair
and asked what I did to it.

853
00:49:40.814 --> 00:49:42.608
<i>"I told him I left it alone.</i>

854
00:49:42.608 --> 00:49:46.737
"Then he began caressing my face
and asked what I did to it.

855
00:49:46.737 --> 00:49:50.782
"'Did you leave it alone?'
he said sarcastically with a smile.

856
00:49:50.782 --> 00:49:52.492
"And then we held each other.

857
00:49:53.285 --> 00:49:56.246
"He said how much I'd matured
into a beautiful young lady,

858
00:49:56.246 --> 00:49:58.707
and how New York really shows on me."

859
00:49:58.707 --> 00:50:02.878
And it was this realization
that this person that was older than me,

860
00:50:02.878 --> 00:50:04.755
that did care about me,

861
00:50:04.755 --> 00:50:07.799
was seeing... me growing up.

862
00:50:09.801 --> 00:50:12.638
Today I love New York.
I've been everywhere in New York today.

863
00:50:12.638 --> 00:50:14.890
Times Square was awesome. I love it.

864
00:50:14.890 --> 00:50:17.726
Last night I had so much fun,
we just walked and talked.

865
00:50:19.561 --> 00:50:22.981
‐ This is the first time Soleil's doing
laundry in about two months.

866
00:50:22.981 --> 00:50:25.067
SOLEIL: First time I've ever done
laundry on my own.

867
00:50:25.067 --> 00:50:27.653
‐ And I smell because everything
I own right now reeks.

868
00:50:27.653 --> 00:50:29.655
All my socks smell like ass.

869
00:50:29.655 --> 00:50:32.199
‐ Laundry is a really important thing, OK?
‐ Very important.

870
00:50:32.199 --> 00:50:35.035
‐ [laughing] You got a toilet that reeks.

871
00:50:35.035 --> 00:50:37.204
‐ [all laughing]
ANDREW: Can't do it.

872
00:50:37.204 --> 00:50:38.247
‐ Andrew, do it.

873
00:50:38.247 --> 00:50:42.793
‐ What it's like to live with guys.
‐ Get over it. Get over it.

874
00:50:42.793 --> 00:50:45.087
‐ No, it's fucking disgusting.

875
00:50:45.087 --> 00:50:47.214
Do you like what we did
to the apartment, Andrew?

876
00:50:51.593 --> 00:50:55.264
For me as an artist,
I just wanted to drink it all in.

877
00:50:56.640 --> 00:51:01.228
I felt like I was alive when I was
in the rawness of it.

878
00:51:02.020 --> 00:51:04.523
<i>I was fascinated by skate culture.</i>

879
00:51:04.523 --> 00:51:07.526
<i>One night I see this group of kids</i>
<i>jumping into a taxicab</i>

880
00:51:07.526 --> 00:51:12.030
and I run over and it was Justin Pierce.

881
00:51:13.282 --> 00:51:15.659
<i>And he had just done this film</i> Kids.

882
00:51:32.134 --> 00:51:34.678
<i>♪ Heads crack hard</i>
<i>On the pavement, uh‐huh ♪</i>

883
00:51:34.678 --> 00:51:37.681
<i>♪ Don't fall</i>
<i>Can't nobody save ya, uh‐huh... ♪</i>

884
00:51:39.266 --> 00:51:41.852
[indistinct conversation]

885
00:51:41.852 --> 00:51:43.270
♪ rap continues in background ♪

886
00:51:43.270 --> 00:51:45.189
<i>♪ ...so I see through</i>
<i>the smoke and mirrors ♪</i>

887
00:51:45.189 --> 00:51:47.441
<i>♪ And the hocus pocus as well as jokers ♪</i>

888
00:51:47.441 --> 00:51:49.610
<i>♪ I do this here in real focus... ♪</i>

889
00:51:49.610 --> 00:51:51.403
♪ rap continues ♪

890
00:52:06.752 --> 00:52:09.004
<i>♪ ...smirk on my face</i>
<i>'Cause I know they can't stop me... ♪</i>

891
00:52:12.090 --> 00:52:15.636
‐ It was the beginning
of an incredible journey with...

892
00:52:17.596 --> 00:52:19.431
with these skaters that became my family.

893
00:52:20.516 --> 00:52:23.435
‐ Where's my Wheat Thins?
Where's my Wheat Thins?

894
00:52:23.435 --> 00:52:24.978
FRIEND: Wheat Thins?

895
00:52:26.313 --> 00:52:28.065
SOLEIL:
You got shit in your hair.

896
00:52:29.566 --> 00:52:31.735
[indistinct conversation]

897
00:52:31.735 --> 00:52:33.195
‐ New York City.

898
00:52:33.195 --> 00:52:34.696
Skateboarders.

899
00:52:34.696 --> 00:52:37.199
Selassie I, Jah Rastafari.

900
00:52:37.908 --> 00:52:40.410
Who likes Wheat Thins?
Would anyone like one?

901
00:52:40.410 --> 00:52:42.079
We're Punky Brewster crazy.

902
00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:43.121
[skaters laughing]

903
00:52:43.121 --> 00:52:45.082
‐ SKATER: We're on a Punky Brewster craze.
‐ Punky Brewster.

904
00:52:45.082 --> 00:52:46.625
SKATER 2:
That's what it's all about, mon.

905
00:52:46.625 --> 00:52:48.752
SOLEIL:
"Past few days were like a movie.

906
00:52:48.752 --> 00:52:52.881
<i>"The kids showed up and I filmed them</i>
<i>through the peephole of my door.</i>

907
00:52:52.881 --> 00:52:54.424
"I then knew it would be an adventure.

908
00:52:54.424 --> 00:52:57.845
<i>"They piled into my house</i>
<i>with 40s and blunts.</i>

909
00:52:57.845 --> 00:53:00.597
<i>"A wild bunch of skaters,</i>
<i>who in the midst of the struggle,</i>

910
00:53:00.597 --> 00:53:03.392
<i>"find peace in the positive vibe</i>
<i>of Rastafari.</i>

911
00:53:04.351 --> 00:53:07.813
"Leave it to me to fall
for the straggly kid Justin.

912
00:53:07.813 --> 00:53:10.399
<i>"He along with the others</i>
<i>passed out of my apartment.</i>

913
00:53:10.399 --> 00:53:14.278
<i>"I found myself under my red light</i>
<i>kissing this youth</i>

914
00:53:14.278 --> 00:53:16.780
"who told me he would have to
hold onto me for a while.

915
00:53:16.780 --> 00:53:18.824
"He kept asking where I came from.

916
00:53:18.824 --> 00:53:20.993
He was sweet
for the time it was happening."

917
00:53:22.995 --> 00:53:25.664
PETE BICI:
<i>Justin, Justin Pierce introduced us.</i>

918
00:53:26.373 --> 00:53:28.125
SOLEIL:
<i>Press that button in the back, yo.</i>

919
00:53:28.125 --> 00:53:30.586
<i>Press...</i>
GIRL: <i>This button right here?</i>

920
00:53:30.586 --> 00:53:32.337
SOLEIL:
<i>When we're all in the frame, here.</i>

921
00:53:32.337 --> 00:53:34.047
[laughing]

922
00:53:35.007 --> 00:53:36.717
SKATER:
<i>Why you blocking my view?</i>

923
00:53:37.342 --> 00:53:40.554
‐ And this one,
the little like‐‐ from California.

924
00:53:41.430 --> 00:53:43.557
How did you go to Corona, Queens?

925
00:53:43.557 --> 00:53:46.935
‐ <i>Whoaaaa!</i>
‐ [indistinct conversation]

926
00:53:46.935 --> 00:53:49.980
‐ I never really met someone
with a puppy spirit like that.

927
00:53:49.980 --> 00:53:52.274
He was just so like open‐eyed
to everything.

928
00:53:52.274 --> 00:53:55.903
But like looking back, of course,
'cause you're a kid and you're
in New York City in the '90s.

929
00:53:55.903 --> 00:53:58.655
<i>I would have been like</i>
<i>open‐eyed like that, too.</i>

930
00:54:02.034 --> 00:54:04.244
The camera in our face all the time.
It was like...

931
00:54:07.623 --> 00:54:10.709
You used to take that thing
out everywhere, you really did.

932
00:54:10.709 --> 00:54:12.794
Did she tell you it was really on?

933
00:54:12.794 --> 00:54:14.630
Oh, my...

934
00:54:14.630 --> 00:54:17.132
[laughing]

935
00:54:17.132 --> 00:54:19.343
SOLEIL:
You guys weren't just my friends,

936
00:54:19.343 --> 00:54:20.802
you were my family.

937
00:54:21.512 --> 00:54:23.055
‐ Slash bodyguards.

938
00:54:23.514 --> 00:54:25.682
[laughs]

939
00:54:25.682 --> 00:54:28.101
‐ [screeching]
‐ Hey, look, look.

940
00:54:28.894 --> 00:54:31.855
‐ That's how you meet someone
and it just changes your life, you know?

941
00:54:31.855 --> 00:54:33.315
Meet someone, you connect.

942
00:54:33.315 --> 00:54:36.902
And then certain kids just, boom.
They gravitate to each other, you know?

943
00:54:37.945 --> 00:54:39.363
That's what happened, right?

944
00:54:40.572 --> 00:54:41.865
That's what happened.

945
00:54:41.865 --> 00:54:44.451
‐ You got my back!
‐ [crowd chatting, laughing]

946
00:54:47.871 --> 00:54:49.831
SOLEIL: Oh, my God!
‐ [laughing]

947
00:54:49.831 --> 00:54:52.376
‐ [laughter, indistinct chatter]
GIRL: What the fuck?

948
00:54:52.376 --> 00:54:54.670
[laughter]

949
00:54:54.670 --> 00:54:56.797
SOLEIL: What was your
first sexual experience?

950
00:54:57.631 --> 00:54:59.174
‐ Uh...

951
00:54:59.174 --> 00:55:00.676
FRIENDS: Uh...

952
00:55:00.676 --> 00:55:02.803
SKATER: It's the crazy one.

953
00:55:02.803 --> 00:55:04.221
You don't wanna go there.

954
00:55:04.221 --> 00:55:05.514
SKATER 2: Reversal.

955
00:55:05.514 --> 00:55:08.267
SKATER 1:
We really don't wanna go there.

956
00:55:08.267 --> 00:55:11.186
‐ I remember Harold Hunter
living in your closet.

957
00:55:11.186 --> 00:55:12.521
[laughing]

958
00:55:15.399 --> 00:55:17.192
SKATER:
The Rasta Master.

959
00:55:18.277 --> 00:55:21.613
SOLEIL: Goin' in the house
at four o'clock in the morning.
What's up with you?

960
00:55:24.491 --> 00:55:27.327
What were you doing
waking me up, or what?

961
00:55:29.329 --> 00:55:31.456
‐ I heard you talking to yourself, so...

962
00:55:31.456 --> 00:55:33.041
knocked on your door.

963
00:55:34.710 --> 00:55:35.752
Sorry about that.

964
00:55:41.675 --> 00:55:43.969
‐ PETE: He was special,
he was a special kid, man.

965
00:55:44.636 --> 00:55:46.847
He was so young, so talented.

966
00:55:46.847 --> 00:55:48.432
Handsome.

967
00:55:49.016 --> 00:55:50.017
<i>Tough.</i>

968
00:55:50.809 --> 00:55:53.103
<i>But really harsh family background.</i>

969
00:55:53.103 --> 00:55:54.938
<i>Didn't know who his father was.</i>

970
00:55:55.689 --> 00:55:58.734
<i>And that was his pain, you know?</i>
<i>He never knew who his dad was.</i>

971
00:55:58.734 --> 00:56:01.236
You know.
Everyone's like, "Ah, he's crazy."

972
00:56:01.236 --> 00:56:03.864
People are crazy for reasons, you know?

973
00:56:03.864 --> 00:56:06.491
It's like something happened
to them along the way

974
00:56:06.491 --> 00:56:07.743
to make them who they are.

975
00:56:07.743 --> 00:56:12.164
You don't just be wild
and crazy for no reason.

976
00:56:13.207 --> 00:56:15.042
That's all pain, you know.

977
00:56:16.835 --> 00:56:20.255
It breaks my heart, it really does.
I think about it all the time.

978
00:56:24.843 --> 00:56:28.555
‐ I have so much...

979
00:56:30.641 --> 00:56:33.227
guilt that I didn't know I had.

980
00:56:36.396 --> 00:56:38.774
Until I started watching the tapes back.

981
00:56:38.774 --> 00:56:41.985
Until I started piecing this together.

982
00:56:41.985 --> 00:56:45.948
♪ acoustic guitar playing ♪

983
00:56:54.456 --> 00:56:57.876
How often do we really look
at somebody and say,

984
00:56:57.876 --> 00:57:00.963
"How are you?"
And actually hear them back?

985
00:57:01.547 --> 00:57:04.341
And so that's why this process
has been like

986
00:57:04.341 --> 00:57:06.552
these fucking blinders coming off.

987
00:57:08.095 --> 00:57:11.223
I don't think I've been living
a lie for the last 20 years,

988
00:57:11.223 --> 00:57:13.851
but I certainly haven't been
fucking listening.

989
00:57:15.435 --> 00:57:18.814
So now that they're off,
now that I've opened Pandora's box,

990
00:57:18.814 --> 00:57:20.607
I can't put any of this back.

991
00:57:21.817 --> 00:57:26.405
‐ I feel definitely
closer to you since, uh, since Andrew.

992
00:57:27.656 --> 00:57:31.702
‐ Uh... I'm Andrew.
GIRL: Hi, Andrew.

993
00:57:32.995 --> 00:57:35.205
‐ Yeah, we have
reconnected through Andrew

994
00:57:35.205 --> 00:57:36.665
and I have a hard time...

995
00:57:38.709 --> 00:57:40.043
you know.

996
00:57:41.128 --> 00:57:43.338
<i>He's my only brother,</i>
<i>I loved him so much.</i>

997
00:57:43.338 --> 00:57:45.716
<i>He was a brilliant, beautiful,</i>

998
00:57:45.716 --> 00:57:48.760
<i>uh, quiet, special kid.</i>

999
00:57:49.511 --> 00:57:52.097
SOLEIL:
What's your philosophy on life?

1000
00:57:52.097 --> 00:57:53.891
‐ Life can end at any moment.

1001
00:57:53.891 --> 00:57:56.310
You gotta live it to your fullest
and try new things.

1002
00:57:56.310 --> 00:57:58.729
FRIEND:
That's shit his brother told him to say.

1003
00:57:58.729 --> 00:58:00.647
‐ What? No, it's the truth.

1004
00:58:00.647 --> 00:58:02.733
And, uh... you know...

1005
00:58:04.026 --> 00:58:05.694
do what you can.

1006
00:58:06.445 --> 00:58:08.447
‐ Thanks. Goodbye.
‐ [friend laughs, claps]

1007
00:58:13.118 --> 00:58:15.579
PETE: It doesn't seem
like he can be gone.

1008
00:58:24.338 --> 00:58:26.340
SOLEIL:
<i>Life is beautiful,</i>

1009
00:58:26.340 --> 00:58:29.134
and it's messy and it's...

1010
00:58:30.469 --> 00:58:32.012
it's complicated.

1011
00:58:36.767 --> 00:58:41.730
<i>♪ I'm just a little bit</i>
<i>caught in the middle ♪</i>

1012
00:58:41.730 --> 00:58:45.567
<i>♪ Life is a maze and love is a riddle ♪</i>

1013
00:58:45.567 --> 00:58:49.363
<i>♪ I don't know where to go ♪</i>

1014
00:58:49.363 --> 00:58:51.823
<i>♪ Can't do it alone ♪</i>

1015
00:58:51.823 --> 00:58:53.283
<i>♪ I've tried ♪</i>

1016
00:58:53.909 --> 00:58:55.869
<i>♪ And I don't know ♪</i>

1017
00:58:55.869 --> 00:58:57.663
<i>♪ Why ♪</i>

1018
00:59:00.290 --> 00:59:02.584
SOLEIL:
<i>I reached out to Danny</i>

1019
00:59:02.584 --> 00:59:06.255
<i>and I asked him if I could</i>
<i>come out and talk to him.</i>

1020
00:59:06.255 --> 00:59:10.259
<i>It was this crazy thing when you haven't</i>
<i>seen somebody for over 20 years.</i>

1021
00:59:12.970 --> 00:59:16.932
<i>I didn't know what the response would be.</i>

1022
00:59:17.474 --> 00:59:21.895
You said that someday
you wanted to find serenity.

1023
00:59:21.895 --> 00:59:23.522
DANNY: Did I?
SOLEIL: You did.

1024
00:59:23.522 --> 00:59:25.399
Do you think you found it now?

1025
00:59:25.399 --> 00:59:26.692
DANNY: Uhh...

1026
00:59:27.442 --> 00:59:28.527
More of it,

1027
00:59:28.527 --> 00:59:31.363
but I think it's something you have
to search for on a daily basis.

1028
00:59:31.363 --> 00:59:34.116
I don't think that I just wake up serene.
I think it's...

1029
00:59:34.116 --> 00:59:37.119
‐ You for sure got taller.
I feel much better now.

1030
00:59:37.119 --> 00:59:38.412
[Danny laughs]

1031
00:59:38.412 --> 00:59:41.123
‐ I, uh... I have to work at it.

1032
00:59:41.123 --> 00:59:44.001
I don't know that I'll ever feel
completely serene.

1033
00:59:44.001 --> 00:59:46.420
I don't know that's my‐‐ in my DNA.

1034
00:59:46.420 --> 00:59:49.047
Tulsa is a much more serene place for me.

1035
00:59:50.424 --> 00:59:52.885
But it takes some getting used to as well.

1036
00:59:53.385 --> 00:59:56.889
<i>December, man, like it never, it never</i>
<i>looks like the Zales commercial,</i>

1037
00:59:56.889 --> 01:00:00.475
<i>you know, it's always missing a few things</i>
<i>that I think in my mind's eye</i>

1038
01:00:00.475 --> 01:00:02.978
<i>like my life should have,</i>
<i>and then you guys showed up.</i>

1039
01:00:02.978 --> 01:00:05.147
<i>It's like, ahh, like the star</i>
<i>on the Christmas tree.</i>

1040
01:00:05.147 --> 01:00:07.316
<i>Now it's like, it looks perfect.</i>

1041
01:00:08.609 --> 01:00:10.611
‐ I feel like I'm in some...

1042
01:00:10.611 --> 01:00:13.197
‐ Time warp, I know.
Hold on. [laughs]

1043
01:00:15.240 --> 01:00:18.493
I haven't seen you
in 20‐something years, so it's been...

1044
01:00:18.493 --> 01:00:20.621
it's been forever.

1045
01:00:24.374 --> 01:00:28.879
<i>I had fast cars and I was dead set on like</i>

1046
01:00:28.879 --> 01:00:31.632
<i>wrapping one of those cars</i>
<i>around a telephone pole</i>

1047
01:00:31.632 --> 01:00:34.676
or, you know, blowing my brains out
or doing too many, like...

1048
01:00:34.676 --> 01:00:36.261
<i>We were living on the edge.</i>

1049
01:00:36.970 --> 01:00:39.556
It's mind‐boggling that I'm still here.

1050
01:00:39.556 --> 01:00:42.142
We thought we were fooling everybody,
but we were clearly drug addicts,

1051
01:00:42.142 --> 01:00:43.894
and you didn't wanna see that in me

1052
01:00:43.894 --> 01:00:46.605
and so you got off the train
at the right, at the right station.

1053
01:00:46.605 --> 01:00:49.900
So I'm glad that you didn't
have to see, you know‐‐

1054
01:00:49.900 --> 01:00:51.777
that was just the tip of the iceberg.

1055
01:00:51.777 --> 01:00:52.986
[chuckles]

1056
01:00:52.986 --> 01:00:55.405
SOLEIL:
<i>So much of what I wondered was,</i>

1057
01:00:55.405 --> 01:00:57.658
did things happen the way
I remembered them?

1058
01:00:58.200 --> 01:01:00.494
Was it as real as I remembered it?

1059
01:01:01.245 --> 01:01:02.746
And...

1060
01:01:03.705 --> 01:01:06.834
was it something that we both experienced?

1061
01:01:06.834 --> 01:01:07.876
‐ Yeah, absolutely.

1062
01:01:07.876 --> 01:01:10.295
My love for you, your love for me.

1063
01:01:10.295 --> 01:01:14.258
That time was a special magical time,
and I knew that, you know,

1064
01:01:14.258 --> 01:01:15.801
nothing could diminish that.

1065
01:01:15.801 --> 01:01:18.178
♪ acoustic guitar music playing ♪

1066
01:01:21.765 --> 01:01:26.228
<i>♪ Whoo‐hoo‐hoo... ♪</i>

1067
01:01:50.127 --> 01:01:53.005
<i>♪ We stepped out into the darkness ♪</i>

1068
01:01:54.673 --> 01:01:58.594
<i>♪ A cloud that lasted far too long ♪</i>

1069
01:02:00.429 --> 01:02:02.055
<i>♪ We were lost ♪</i>

1070
01:02:02.055 --> 01:02:04.766
<i>♪ It seemed forever ♪</i>

1071
01:02:05.851 --> 01:02:09.563
<i>♪ Now we're waiting here</i>
<i>To get back home... ♪</i>

1072
01:02:09.563 --> 01:02:14.234
SOLEIL: <i>I never realized I would</i>
<i>be coming of age again as an adult,</i>

1073
01:02:14.234 --> 01:02:17.112
<i>and I think in reliving my youth,</i>

1074
01:02:17.821 --> 01:02:19.615
I'm coming of age all over again.

1075
01:02:19.615 --> 01:02:22.242
♪ guitar music continues ♪

1076
01:02:24.745 --> 01:02:28.957
<i>♪ Whoo‐hoo‐hoo... ♪</i>

1077
01:02:32.711 --> 01:02:36.507
I didn't know what true self‐love was

1078
01:02:37.174 --> 01:02:41.053
until... this process.

1079
01:02:44.598 --> 01:02:46.475
<i>Now that I see it...</i>

1080
01:02:48.352 --> 01:02:50.604
to have not seen it...

1081
01:02:51.647 --> 01:02:55.067
makes you wonder how many other people
are walking around the world

1082
01:02:55.901 --> 01:02:57.152
feeling so unloved.

1083
01:02:57.152 --> 01:02:58.737
♪ guitar music continues ♪

1084
01:03:00.322 --> 01:03:05.202
<i>I look at somebody like Brian</i>
<i>and our friendship and history,</i>

1085
01:03:05.202 --> 01:03:08.330
and I look at the diaries,
and he always showed up.

1086
01:03:08.330 --> 01:03:10.415
Over the last 20 years...

1087
01:03:11.166 --> 01:03:14.294
I had questioned
what those friendships meant.

1088
01:03:14.294 --> 01:03:17.631
I've bumped into you so many times
over the last however many years

1089
01:03:17.631 --> 01:03:20.926
and when I bumped into you,
because we're so preoccupied
with our families,

1090
01:03:20.926 --> 01:03:24.972
I felt like, like does that history
not really exist?

1091
01:03:24.972 --> 01:03:26.265
You know? In a weird way.

1092
01:03:26.265 --> 01:03:27.808
And so, to then...

1093
01:03:28.350 --> 01:03:30.435
I'm like...
‐ It does.

1094
01:03:31.562 --> 01:03:35.649
You know, I see you now,
but I see... us then.

1095
01:03:37.526 --> 01:03:40.404
Being an adult and learning who I was

1096
01:03:40.404 --> 01:03:44.199
and what life was meant to be,
that was with you.

1097
01:03:47.327 --> 01:03:49.121
That won't ever change.

1098
01:03:49.746 --> 01:03:51.415
‐ I can't believe you have this.

1099
01:03:55.377 --> 01:03:57.254
You know, we would just talk

1100
01:03:57.254 --> 01:04:02.384
for two or three hours at night
if we hadn't seen each other that day.

1101
01:04:02.384 --> 01:04:08.140
And even, you know,
fall asleep on the phone, and...

1102
01:04:08.140 --> 01:04:09.474
We were just so close.

1103
01:04:09.474 --> 01:04:13.145
♪ guitar music continues ♪

1104
01:04:13.145 --> 01:04:15.647
‐ I don't think I realized...

1105
01:04:18.650 --> 01:04:22.696
that not only did I love people,
but I was loved.

1106
01:04:23.572 --> 01:04:25.949
HEATHER:
<i>When you share, truly share,</i>

1107
01:04:25.949 --> 01:04:30.454
meaning your pain,
your laughter, your love,

1108
01:04:30.454 --> 01:04:33.874
your fears, your doubt...

1109
01:04:33.874 --> 01:04:35.501
you realize you're not alone.

1110
01:04:37.127 --> 01:04:39.421
Because you share
the same doubts that I share,

1111
01:04:39.421 --> 01:04:41.340
you share the same fears that I share.

1112
01:04:41.340 --> 01:04:45.761
By you sharing this, and by sharing
your experiences and these tapes,

1113
01:04:46.637 --> 01:04:49.765
you're giving all of that
its ultimate purpose,

1114
01:04:49.765 --> 01:04:51.183
which is to be shared.

1115
01:04:51.183 --> 01:04:52.851
It's not supposed to be in a box.

1116
01:04:54.686 --> 01:04:57.022
SOLEIL:
<i>"To you Soleil...</i>

1117
01:04:57.022 --> 01:04:58.774
<i>"Where are you?</i>

1118
01:04:58.774 --> 01:05:03.195
<i>"Are you still true at 16, 17, 18?</i>

1119
01:05:03.195 --> 01:05:05.197
<i>"Even in your late 20s?</i>

1120
01:05:06.615 --> 01:05:08.784
<i>"Have the journeys made you strong?</i>

1121
01:05:09.910 --> 01:05:11.870
<i>"Have you found a place to belong?</i>

1122
01:05:12.579 --> 01:05:15.457
<i>"At this point in time, I am still young,</i>

1123
01:05:15.457 --> 01:05:17.751
<i>"only close to 16.</i>

1124
01:05:17.751 --> 01:05:22.381
<i>"I live often in my dreams,</i>
<i>trying to stay a unique human being.</i>

1125
01:05:23.507 --> 01:05:26.426
"I've learned that one can
never win the game

1126
01:05:26.426 --> 01:05:27.970
"when you play to win.

1127
01:05:27.970 --> 01:05:31.223
"I've truly learned to love
and trust myself

1128
01:05:31.223 --> 01:05:33.559
"and to ultimately believe in infinity.

1129
01:05:35.435 --> 01:05:39.106
<i>"So where am I at this time,</i>
<i>my best friend?</i>

1130
01:05:39.106 --> 01:05:41.066
<i>"What does our destiny hold?</i>

1131
01:05:42.317 --> 01:05:45.404
<i>"Who have we fallen in love with</i>
<i>along the way?</i>

1132
01:05:46.905 --> 01:05:50.242
<i>"Who do I make love with</i>
<i>in the midnight hour?</i>

1133
01:05:51.785 --> 01:05:53.912
<i>"Have I made my life worthy?</i>

1134
01:05:54.705 --> 01:05:59.376
<i>"I have so many questions,</i>
<i>but I shall not know the answers</i>

1135
01:05:59.376 --> 01:06:01.420
<i>"until the time comes.</i>

1136
01:06:01.879 --> 01:06:06.091
<i>"So believe and you will forever be me.</i>

1137
01:06:06.091 --> 01:06:07.426
"Love, Soleil.

1138
01:06:07.426 --> 01:06:09.303
March 1992."

1139
01:06:10.637 --> 01:06:13.557
TEENAGE SOLEIL:
<i>Tonight I think I'll just‐‐</i>
<i>we're going to the movies</i>

1140
01:06:13.557 --> 01:06:16.393
<i>and getting popcorn with my friends</i>

1141
01:06:16.393 --> 01:06:18.979
<i>and not having to be something</i>
<i>that I'm not, you know?</i>

1142
01:06:18.979 --> 01:06:21.899
<i>Growing up is the worst of pains.</i>

1143
01:06:21.899 --> 01:06:23.942
<i>What's gonna happen 20 years from now?</i>

1144
01:06:23.942 --> 01:06:27.821
<i>I don't want people thinking</i>
<i>that I'm some lunatic,</i>

1145
01:06:27.821 --> 01:06:31.575
<i>like the girl that just smokes cigarettes</i>
<i>and stuff like that,</i>

1146
01:06:31.575 --> 01:06:32.993
<i>because that's not true.</i>

1147
01:06:33.744 --> 01:06:35.037
<i>Do I even care?</i>

1148
01:06:35.037 --> 01:06:36.788
<i>It's not worth it, right?</i>

1149
01:06:36.788 --> 01:06:38.957
<i>Am I pretty or am I ugly?</i>

1150
01:06:38.957 --> 01:06:41.543
<i>I think this is gonna be</i>
<i>a life of memories.</i>

1151
01:06:41.543 --> 01:06:46.215
<i>I've gotta get ready to go</i>
<i>and be a fucking teenager.</i>

1152
01:06:46.798 --> 01:06:48.091
<i>Peace out.</i>

1153
01:06:51.553 --> 01:06:53.597
Oh, wait, I have to show you
something that I found.

1154
01:06:53.597 --> 01:06:55.641
‐ Oh, my gosh,
are we gonna see stuff?

1155
01:06:55.641 --> 01:06:58.227
‐ I have diaries, too, that I'm gonna
read you, if that's okay.

1156
01:06:58.227 --> 01:07:00.896
Or at least let you read to yourself.

1157
01:07:00.896 --> 01:07:03.440
The story of my life with this camera.

1158
01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:06.735
[laughing]
‐ Oh, my God.

1159
01:07:06.735 --> 01:07:08.779
‐ There's the rainbow shirt.

1160
01:07:08.779 --> 01:07:11.949
Yeah. I was scared you were gonna
pull up that rainbow jacket.

1161
01:07:11.949 --> 01:07:13.659
Okay, it is what it is.

1162
01:07:13.659 --> 01:07:16.620
‐ There's not many people got the balls
to go out and just, you know,

1163
01:07:16.620 --> 01:07:18.539
say "Fuck the world"
and do what they wanna do,

1164
01:07:18.539 --> 01:07:20.749
and a lot of those people who do...

1165
01:07:21.625 --> 01:07:24.503
don't ever get, you know,
their day in the sun,

1166
01:07:24.503 --> 01:07:26.088
until they're dead or gone.

1167
01:07:26.088 --> 01:07:28.549
And I gotta get mine now
and then, you know?

1168
01:07:28.549 --> 01:07:32.052
‐ Soleil filmed another thing
about me, uh, about two years ago,

1169
01:07:32.052 --> 01:07:35.222
so this is her little document
of my growth.

1170
01:07:35.222 --> 01:07:38.392
I've grown at least three inches,
or four inches, since last...

1171
01:07:38.392 --> 01:07:40.185
FRIEND:
Yeah, you have. You're almost...

1172
01:07:40.185 --> 01:07:42.145
‐ And I'm bigger, too, check it out.

1173
01:07:43.313 --> 01:07:46.650
‐ Oh, my gosh, this is so crazy.

1174
01:07:47.568 --> 01:07:49.486
‐ [laughing]

1175
01:07:49.486 --> 01:07:51.572
Yeah. Wow!

1176
01:07:51.572 --> 01:07:54.157
‐ You're supposed to swivel the thing.

1177
01:07:54.157 --> 01:07:56.285
‐ Look at me trying to direct you.

1178
01:07:56.285 --> 01:07:58.120
‐ When they see a bunch of kids
on a skateboard,

1179
01:07:58.120 --> 01:07:59.830
they think they
gonna start trouble and shit.

1180
01:07:59.830 --> 01:08:01.081
They just bored 'cause they old.

1181
01:08:02.040 --> 01:08:03.750
‐ I went for it in the '90s.

1182
01:08:03.750 --> 01:08:05.502
I mean, I had fake fur coats.

1183
01:08:05.502 --> 01:08:09.089
<i>I mean, I had bleached hair,</i>
<i>I mean, I was a fucking freak.</i>

1184
01:08:09.882 --> 01:08:12.759
So you thought I was a jerk?
SOLEIL: A little bit.

1185
01:08:12.759 --> 01:08:14.970
Tell me our motorcycle story.

1186
01:08:14.970 --> 01:08:17.222
‐ Yeah, so...

1187
01:08:17.222 --> 01:08:20.017
Yeah, I mean, we had stolen
the motorcycle...

1188
01:08:20.017 --> 01:08:21.852
[laughing]

1189
01:08:21.852 --> 01:08:24.521
‐ So...
‐ You look like my daughter.

1190
01:08:24.521 --> 01:08:26.064
Gives me such anxiety.

1191
01:08:26.607 --> 01:08:30.319
‐ The cabbie dude drove right over
my foot, bro.

1192
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:31.820
TEENAGE SOLEIL ON VIDEO:
<i>We're in love.</i>

1193
01:08:31.820 --> 01:08:34.656
<i>We're all in love with different guys.</i>

1194
01:08:34.656 --> 01:08:38.869
<i>And we're gonna tell you</i>
<i>how we feel about each person.</i>

1195
01:08:38.869 --> 01:08:41.330
<i>Okay, I'm in love with Joey Lawrence.</i>

1196
01:08:41.330 --> 01:08:43.999
<i>I'm in love with Mark‐Paul.</i>
<i>I'm in love with all those guys.</i>

1197
01:08:43.999 --> 01:08:46.376
<i>Can't call Balthazar, that's fucking lame.</i>

1198
01:08:47.044 --> 01:08:48.587
<i>I already called him.</i>

1199
01:08:48.587 --> 01:08:50.297
[laughing]

1200
01:08:50.297 --> 01:08:54.259
‐ As a kid, you sort of‐‐
you just really like go through life

1201
01:08:54.259 --> 01:08:57.804
<i>and it doesn't matter,</i>
<i>and that's the beauty of being a kid,</i>

1202
01:08:57.804 --> 01:08:59.389
<i>is that it doesn't matter.</i>

1203
01:08:59.389 --> 01:09:03.560
Like you get to just smile
and have fun and do whatever.

1204
01:09:03.560 --> 01:09:06.188
‐ I wouldn't change the time continuum.

1205
01:09:06.188 --> 01:09:07.898
Like, I wouldn't adjust any‐‐

1206
01:09:07.898 --> 01:09:11.610
all the errors and mistakes
and things I wish I could take back

1207
01:09:11.610 --> 01:09:14.321
brought us to right here, right now.

1208
01:09:14.321 --> 01:09:16.823
To have you here at this time of my life,

1209
01:09:16.823 --> 01:09:20.744
to discuss how our lives
came together in that time,

1210
01:09:20.744 --> 01:09:22.913
everything is perfect.

1211
01:09:22.913 --> 01:09:25.457
SOLEIL: Do you think things happen
the way we remember them?

1212
01:09:26.291 --> 01:09:27.709
‐ I do.

1213
01:09:27.709 --> 01:09:29.002
For sure.

1214
01:09:29.002 --> 01:09:31.505
And then you can,
you have an artistic license.

1215
01:09:31.505 --> 01:09:34.675
You're telling the story,
so if you wanna be the hero...

1216
01:09:35.926 --> 01:09:37.553
go ahead, you know?

1217
01:09:37.553 --> 01:09:39.972
It's your story. [laughs]

1218
01:09:45.853 --> 01:09:47.521
DIRECTOR:
And cut!

1219
01:09:47.521 --> 01:09:49.189
[crowd cheering]

1220
01:09:49.189 --> 01:09:50.941
♪ serene guitar music playing ♪

1221
01:09:53.735 --> 01:09:56.071
‐ Here's to you, here's to me...

1222
01:10:02.411 --> 01:10:06.290
TALKING HEADS:
<i>♪ Well, we know where we're going ♪</i>

1223
01:10:06.290 --> 01:10:10.836
<i>♪ But we don't know where we've been ♪</i>

1224
01:10:10.836 --> 01:10:15.007
<i>♪ And we know what we're knowing ♪</i>

1225
01:10:15.007 --> 01:10:19.678
<i>♪ But we can't say what we've seen ♪</i>

1226
01:10:19.678 --> 01:10:23.974
<i>♪ And we're not little children ♪</i>

1227
01:10:24.766 --> 01:10:28.729
<i>♪ And we know what we want ♪</i>

1228
01:10:28.729 --> 01:10:32.482
<i>♪ And the future is certain ♪</i>

1229
01:10:33.108 --> 01:10:37.696
<i>♪ Give us time to work it out ♪</i>

1230
01:10:41.533 --> 01:10:42.784
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1231
01:10:47.623 --> 01:10:51.460
<i>♪ We're on a road to nowhere ♪</i>

1232
01:10:51.460 --> 01:10:54.671
<i>♪ Come on inside ♪</i>

1233
01:10:56.548 --> 01:11:00.385
<i>♪ Taking that ride to nowhere ♪</i>

1234
01:11:01.220 --> 01:11:03.013
<i>♪ We'll take that ride ♪</i>

1235
01:11:05.140 --> 01:11:08.644
<i>♪ I'm feeling okay this morning ♪</i>

1236
01:11:09.895 --> 01:11:12.022
<i>♪ And you know ♪</i>

1237
01:11:14.024 --> 01:11:18.695
<i>♪ We're on the road to paradise ♪</i>

1238
01:11:18.695 --> 01:11:22.366
<i>♪ Here we go, here we go ♪</i>

1239
01:11:23.659 --> 01:11:27.913
‐ The past, the present, the future,
it all just exists.

1240
01:11:29.498 --> 01:11:31.416
Can you show me how to go back?

1241
01:11:31.416 --> 01:11:32.960
<i>‐ ♪ We're on a ride... ♪</i>

1242
01:11:32.960 --> 01:11:34.670
[static buzzing]