1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:12,208 [bells jingling] 4 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,833 ["Little Saint Nick" by The Beach Boys playing] 5 00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:21,375 ♪ Ooh Merry Christmas Saint Nick ♪ 6 00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:24,666 ♪ Christmas comes this time each year ♪ 7 00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:28,000 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 8 00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:31,375 ♪ Well way up North Where the air gets cold ♪ 9 00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:35,041 ♪ There's a tale about Christmas That you've all been told ♪ 10 00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:35,958 ♪ And a real… ♪ 11 00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:38,916 [woman] It's been said that, according to Greek mythology, 12 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,791 humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, 13 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,583 and a head with two faces. 14 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:49,500 But fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, 15 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,708 condemning humans to spend the rest of their lives 16 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:56,458 searching for their other half, their soul's equal. 17 00:00:57,208 --> 00:01:00,291 ♪ She's candy apple red With a ski for a wheel ♪ 18 00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:03,833 ♪ And when Santa hits the gas Man, just watch her peel ♪ 19 00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:05,708 ♪ It's the little Saint Nick… ♪ 20 00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:07,333 [woman] And if that's true, 21 00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,000 then Zeus is an asshole. 22 00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:11,791 ♪ Little Saint Nick ♪ 23 00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:14,833 ♪ Run run reindeer ♪ 24 00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:17,500 [woman] Sure, dating has never really been easy, 25 00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:20,041 but modern dating online is even harder. 26 00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:24,791 I keep thinking my perfect match has to be out there, just one click away. 27 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:28,541 -Someone kind, and honest, and ideally… -[man] Honey? 28 00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:32,250 [woman] …someone that doesn't already have a wife. Am I right? 29 00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,833 ♪ …with Rudy to lead ♪ 30 00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:35,250 ♪ He's got to wear his goggles… ♪ 31 00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:38,875 [woman] Despite my gut telling me that maybe I should give up altogether, 32 00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:41,916 along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies 33 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,958 and offers to take me on a sunset sail 34 00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:48,250 until he ghosts me. 35 00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,875 But on a positive note, 36 00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:56,333 I've turned my horrible love life into a successful online writing career. 37 00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:59,541 For years, I've been chronicling my disaster dates 38 00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:02,208 under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid." 39 00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:05,208 And people seem to love that I can't find love. 40 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,541 But honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. 41 00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:13,041 How is it that everyone has found the one, and I haven't? 42 00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,458 Either I'm the unluckiest woman in the world, 43 00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:18,250 or my picker is broken. 44 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,000 It's both. 45 00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,916 What's the one common denominator in all of these dates? 46 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:24,833 It's you. 47 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,833 I beg your pardon? 48 00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:29,958 The common denominator is that it's a bunch of LA assholes. 49 00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,416 That's your other problem. You're only looking local. 50 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,958 I had to import Mark from Ohio, for God's sakes. 51 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,750 You gotta think bigger. 52 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:40,083 Jesus, Nat! You only have your dating radius set to five miles. 53 00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,791 You gotta look outside West Hollywood. 54 00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,791 Gas is so expensive. 55 00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:47,875 I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get to Glendale, and that's only one way. 56 00:02:48,416 --> 00:02:51,083 It's cheaper to do cocaine and then run everywhere. 57 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:52,583 -[chuckles] -Okay. Fixed it. 58 00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,166 I'm gonna get a juice. Want something? 59 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:57,833 Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah with an extra shot of wheatgrass. 60 00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,708 -Oh, but no kiwi because I'm-- -I… I know, you're allergic. No kiwi. 61 00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:02,500 Sorry. Habit. 62 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,666 The last time an intern forgot, I almost died. 63 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,875 Natalie, where's my next story? I'm assuming your next date is lined up. 64 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,833 I was thinking for the next one, maybe we'll try something different. Like… 65 00:03:13,916 --> 00:03:16,666 Something a little bit more upbeat? 66 00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,500 Why the hell would you do that? 67 00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,208 So I don't spend another evening 68 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:22,791 with a guy who was featured on an episode of Hoarders. 69 00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:26,375 -It's making me miserable. -Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air] 70 00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:27,791 Everyone's miserable, though. 71 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,875 But that's why Soash Media exists 72 00:03:29,958 --> 00:03:32,416 to either distract people from their own lives, 73 00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:35,833 or to show them that things could be, you know, so, so much worse. 74 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,708 Remember, a disaster for you is a hit for me. Okay? 75 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,625 Got food in your teeth. You might wanna… [clicks tongue] 76 00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:43,666 Get it to me! 77 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,791 [traffic rumbling] 78 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,500 [Natalie grunting] 79 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,000 [grunts] 80 00:03:58,250 --> 00:03:59,916 [sighs deeply] 81 00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:04,375 [phone chimes] 82 00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:06,458 [upbeat instrumental music playing] 83 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,083 [Roy] I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste. 84 00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:16,125 [Rick] Semi-finalist on Dancing with the Stars. 85 00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:19,125 [Vinny] Devoted feminist. Favorite movie: The Noteb-- 86 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,416 [Greg] This could be yours, girl. 87 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,458 Why don't you come over and play with-- 88 00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:26,791 [Josh] Passionate about life and all things outdoors. 89 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,541 When I'm not traveling for work, 90 00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:32,416 you'll find me at home in Lake Placid, New York, planning my next move. 91 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,375 Wow! 92 00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:38,333 [Josh] Looking for a woman who's spontaneous and drama-free. 93 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,833 Ugh. 94 00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,125 [ethereal tinkling] 95 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:52,541 [Natalie] Love Actually? Worst Christmas movie ever! 96 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,291 [Josh] Hey, Natalie. 97 00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:57,375 So how do you really feel about my favorite Christmas movie? 98 00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:01,416 [Natalie] It's a movie about people falling in love based on how they look. 99 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:05,375 [Josh] I like to think it's a story about the triumph of love over reality. 100 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,583 I can work with that. 101 00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:09,958 ["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak playing] 102 00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,125 [Josh] So, what's your favorite Christmas movie? 103 00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:16,041 [Natalie] That's easy. Hands down, Die Hard. 104 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,833 [Josh] You really think Die Hard is a Christmas movie? 105 00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,125 [Natalie] Yippee Ki Yay, I do! 106 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,583 [Josh] Okay. Convince me. 107 00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:27,041 Okay. 108 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,458 [Natalie] Fine. I can give you seven reasons, to be exact. 109 00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:32,416 [Josh] You've studied this in depth. 110 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,750 [Natalie] One, it takes place during a Christmas party. 111 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,708 -[Josh] Doesn't make it a Christmas movie! -[Natalie] I have more evidence. 112 00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:41,166 Two, it snows at the end. Number three, there are presents involved. 113 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:43,875 [Josh] There are presents involved in most movies ever made! 114 00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:47,291 You know what? I'm willing to reconsider this. I might actually-- 115 00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:50,375 ["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak continues] 116 00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:56,583 Holy shit! I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot. 117 00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:59,875 He knows the difference between there and they are, which you'd be surprised by. 118 00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:02,250 He's Asian-American and speaks three languages. 119 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,916 He's a world traveler but hasn't been to any places on the watch list. 120 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,416 -So really there's only one con. -What? 121 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,833 You've never seen him. 122 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,916 Come on. [chuckles] There's six pictures on his profile. 123 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,416 That means nothing. Remember the last guy you met up with in public? 124 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,333 -Yeah. -Yeah. 125 00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,833 He ended up being 20 years older than his photos. 126 00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:22,416 This guy could be old. He could be a waiter from the Last Supper. 127 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,708 -What? -Look at me. Look at me. 128 00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:26,750 You do not trust anybody unless he sends you a photo 129 00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:30,500 holding today's newspaper with the date on it. Okay? Yeah. 130 00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:33,458 Oh yeah, that's what we're gonna do. I'm calling him to get a photo. 131 00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:34,583 -No! No. -Yeah. What? 132 00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:36,166 -I'm… I'm sorry. -[phone ringing] 133 00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:37,208 -I'm a large woman. -No. 134 00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:38,583 -You cannot get this phone. -No. 135 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,875 -Yeah, try me. Oh! Okay, fine! -No. Oh! 136 00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:42,666 [Josh] Sounds like I'm missing a fun party. 137 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:44,833 -[both gasp] -[Josh] Hello? 138 00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,458 -[woman laughing] -[Josh] Hello? 139 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:48,791 -Josh! -[Josh] Hey, Natalie. 140 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,000 -[mouthing] I'm sorry. -Hi! 141 00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,375 -Hey. -[woman] Mm-hmm. 142 00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:55,541 I… I actually didn't mean to call you. I was, um, hiking and… 143 00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,416 -I tripped and accidentally hit "Call." -What the fuck are you saying? 144 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,416 -[Josh] Glad you're still alive. -What? 145 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,833 [Josh] I'm happy to be your emergency contact, 146 00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:07,000 even with the three-hour time difference. 147 00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:09,250 -[whispering] I'm sorry. -Nope. Nope. I'm still alive. 148 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,250 So anyway, I… I better get back to it. 149 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,000 -Sorry to bother you. Bye. -[disconnects] 150 00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:14,416 I'm gonna kill you. 151 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,041 -[laughing] I'm sorry! -[text tone] 152 00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:18,208 What? 153 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,500 -What? -Are you satisfied? 154 00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:21,750 [gasps] Oh! 155 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,916 Yeah, she's satisfied. Oh my God. 156 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,208 -[squeals] -He is so cute! 157 00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:29,458 -[sighs] Oh. -What is… like… what is this? 158 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,125 I mean… 159 00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:34,750 [Josh] …but when you start making toast in the tub, that's when we'll worry. 160 00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,375 [giggling] 161 00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:41,000 You know, when I first saw your profile, I thought you'd just be another guy 162 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,583 who's really hot and has a dick pic on standby. 163 00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:46,291 -Well, what makes you think I'm not? -[text tone] 164 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:47,375 [scoffs] 165 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,083 [text tone] 166 00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,291 -Ah. -Your turn! Tit for tat, Nat. 167 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,375 ["Roll on Babe" by Vetiver playing] 168 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,291 -[laughing] Oh! That's a weird Dick! -[chuckles] 169 00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,791 At least mine's not crooked. 170 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,291 ♪ Roll on babe ♪ 171 00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,291 [Josh] My parents got divorced when I was three, 172 00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,125 but I got a pretty great stepmom now, so… 173 00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,333 [Natalie] My mom passed away last year. You would've loved her. 174 00:08:14,416 --> 00:08:15,625 [chuckles] Everyone did. 175 00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:19,000 ♪ You don't roll no more ♪ 176 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,583 ♪ I dreamt last night ♪ 177 00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:27,208 Honestly, I'm so over eating out. I prefer to just stay in and cook. 178 00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:30,208 -[Josh] Oh! You cook? -Oh yeah. All the time. 179 00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,250 Tonight I'll be assisted in the kitchen 180 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,375 by Chef Boyardee and my good friends Ben and Jerry. 181 00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:37,750 ♪ Roll on babe ♪ 182 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,000 [Natalie] No way. You were chubby as a kid too? 183 00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:42,250 [Josh] I swear to you. 184 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:45,208 Kids in middle school used to ask me which chin I really used. 185 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,166 Ugh, kids can be so cruel. 186 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,250 ♪ …don't roll no more ♪ 187 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,916 [Natalie] You're telling me it's really Tom Cruise flying these planes? 188 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,208 [Josh] That was him driving the car in Days of Thunder, 189 00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,125 him hanging from the ceiling in Mission Impossible-- Oh, drink! 190 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,750 Ugh. I had no idea that this movie was so homoerotic. 191 00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:10,166 [Josh] Yeah, actually I think Maverick and Iceman get married in the sequel. 192 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,625 Ugh. "Bottom Gun"? 193 00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:13,791 I'd watch that. 194 00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:16,208 Ooh! Maverick just disobeyed an order! Chug! 195 00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,333 [Josh] What was your favorite book as a kid? 196 00:09:20,416 --> 00:09:24,125 [Natalie] It was a book of poems called Where The Sidewalk Ends. 197 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:27,708 [Josh] "I cannot go to school today, said little Peggy Ann McKay." 198 00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,750 [Natalie] I can't believe that you know that. 199 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,666 [Josh] Before there was Ferris Bueller, there was Peggy Ann McKay. 200 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,333 You know, 201 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:41,916 my, um, my mom, she used to read that to me when I was little. 202 00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,958 It used to help me sleep, but I honestly can't 203 00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:51,791 think of a single thing that's more comforting than 204 00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,833 being read to. 205 00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,166 [Josh] "This bridge will only take you halfway there 206 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,125 to those mysterious lands you long to see." 207 00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,541 [gentle music playing] 208 00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,625 "Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fairs." 209 00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:12,416 "And moonlit woods where unicorns run free." 210 00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,458 "So, come and walk awhile with me 211 00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,250 and share the twisting trails 212 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,416 and wondrous worlds I've known." 213 00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:25,333 "But this bridge will only take you halfway there." 214 00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:29,666 "The last few steps you will have to walk alone." 215 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,250 [Natalie groaning] 216 00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:47,916 Josh? 217 00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,916 -[Josh] Good morning. -[chuckles] 218 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:57,208 [Josh] Oh, I guess I really should have gotten the Verizon Unlimited plan. 219 00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:01,625 [Natalie sighs] 220 00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,583 ["Vagabond" by Wolfmother playing] 221 00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,166 [text tone] 222 00:11:11,916 --> 00:11:16,541 ♪ Oh girl I don't know all the reasons why ♪ 223 00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:20,583 [sighs deeply] 224 00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,916 Natalie. My office, now. 225 00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,958 [man] It's been two weeks. Where's my next Disaster Date story? 226 00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:35,750 Um… Could you just pause for a second? It's a little distracting. 227 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,541 [panting] No. I can't stop. I won't stop. Now, where's my next story? 228 00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:40,791 Here's the thing. 229 00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,375 -I met someone. [exhales] -Mm-hmm. 230 00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:46,833 I think this might be the real deal. 231 00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:50,208 -[man] Oh boy. Here we go. -I'd like to write about that instead. 232 00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,250 I'm not buying it. 233 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,291 Just go out with some Tinder tool and complain about him, please. 234 00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,458 I don't complain. 235 00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,291 Why'd you dump the guy with the guinea pigs? 236 00:11:58,375 --> 00:11:59,458 They freaked me out. 237 00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,083 And the guy who smiled all the time? 238 00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,458 You could never tell if he was actually happy. 239 00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:06,208 How about the guy who kept calling your relationship a collab? 240 00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,708 Do I really need to explain? 241 00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:09,041 [grunts] 242 00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:12,916 [breathing heavily] Natalie, here's the deal, okay? 243 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,375 Your dating life is a disaster. 244 00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:19,875 But you should be thankful because it's why you have a job. 245 00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,125 [weights rattling] 246 00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:23,250 What if I write a piece 247 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,833 about a girl on the verge of completely giving up on love 248 00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:31,083 when she comes to find that the perfect guy might actually exist? 249 00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:32,791 So she risks it all. 250 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,541 Her sanity, her common sense, 251 00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:38,125 her ability to ever be on The Bachelor, 252 00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,583 and it's worth it because they fall in love 253 00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:42,958 just in time for Christmas. 254 00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,666 -[man] Ooh, I like it. -[chuckles] 255 00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,916 I just don't think you're the one to write it. 256 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,750 You gotta leave the serious stuff to the real journalists, like Steve. 257 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,875 Screw Steve. 258 00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:54,208 I did. Hastag don't tell HR. Low-key. 259 00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,166 You know what? 260 00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:59,666 As of this moment right now, my disaster dating days are over. 261 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,083 I'm gonna fly to Lake Placid, New York. 262 00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,666 I'm gonna surprise Josh, and I'm gonna get my happy ending. 263 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,708 I'm sorry. So, you haven't even met this dude yet? 264 00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,291 -Well, not… not in person, but-- -Oh, I take it all back. 265 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,541 No, I take everything back. You should write about this. 266 00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,041 You should fly across the country 267 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,083 and surprise a virtual stranger for the holidays. 268 00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,416 This is gonna be your most epic Disaster Date yet. 269 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,791 Uh-oh. Who's doing the dance? 270 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,000 You're wrong, Lee, and I'm gonna show you. 271 00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:29,416 Because this is going to be the most epic love story 272 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,291 that you have ever read. 273 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,958 Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have bags to pack. 274 00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:37,791 -♪ Keep on, keep moving on ♪ -[exhales] Okay. 275 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:38,875 ♪ You will not be happy… ♪ 276 00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,166 Is this insane? It's kind of insane. 277 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,500 -Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing? -No, no, no, no. 278 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,625 Hey. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again 279 00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,750 and expecting different results. 280 00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,750 You, my friend, are about to fly 3,000 miles 281 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,083 to meet up with a guy who is literally the polar opposite 282 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,791 of anybody you've ever dated before, so-- 283 00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,208 Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is 284 00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,666 this might be the most sane thing you've ever done. 285 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,958 [plane departing] 286 00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:12,166 [truck beeping] 287 00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:14,666 [wind howling] 288 00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,958 -[truck beeping] -Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um… 289 00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,708 -My bags-- -[horn honking] 290 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Ooh. Hi. 291 00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:31,916 -I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive. -[game playing] 292 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,958 Fill out the form to your left and drop it in the after-hours slot when you're done. 293 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,208 [scoffs] Why would I drop it in the after-hours slot? 294 00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,666 You're here. This office is open. 295 00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,708 It's literally hours. 296 00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:48,041 Just fill out the form, and someone will contact you. 297 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:51,916 Okay. 298 00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:55,333 [text tone] 299 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,166 -[exhales deeply] -[text tones] 300 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,500 [Natalie sighs] 301 00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:13,291 Is this a joke? 302 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,875 Oh, the gig economy's no joke. 303 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,833 I'll get a different Uber. Thanks. 304 00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,458 [driver] I'm the only Uber in town. 305 00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,750 Fine. I'll get a Lyft. 306 00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:25,750 [text tone] 307 00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:33,875 [driver] 4.9 stars, and I offer snacks. 308 00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:36,833 Nacho cheese? 309 00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:40,458 Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes. 310 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,958 [driver] You want some papaya? Kiwi? 311 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,500 [Natalie] No kiwi. I would swell up like a blowfish. 312 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,625 -Where am I taking you, again? -420 Holt Street. 313 00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:54,833 The Lin household? 314 00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:55,750 -Mm-hmm. -Nice. 315 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,166 -[radio chatter] -How could you possibly know that? 316 00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,458 Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine, 317 00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:03,875 and given the stuff we used to smoke in his basement after school, 318 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,916 that's not exactly an address you forget. 319 00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,875 Okay. Can you please just turn the radio off? [scoffs] 320 00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,875 -It's a great song and a classic. -["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing] 321 00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:18,125 Yeah. It's been putting the hip in Rohypnol since 1944. 322 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:23,083 [scoffs] What are you talking about? It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet. 323 00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,041 Maybe if you're Bill Cosby. 324 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,583 [Natalie] If you could please change the station? 325 00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:28,708 [driver] You're the boss. 326 00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:34,333 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 327 00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,250 [Natalie] Wow. 328 00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,750 They really love Christmas, huh? 329 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,375 You should see this place at Halloween. 330 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,166 Stephen King is too afraid to trick-or-treat here. 331 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:48,791 Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you give this to Josh 332 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:53,250 and tell him E-Rock says to pass the Dutch? [chuckles] 333 00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,166 -Okay, Snoop. [exhales] -Oh yeah. 334 00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,583 Thank you for the ride. 335 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,375 [door closes] 336 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:05,291 ♪ When friends come to call ♪ 337 00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:11,833 ♪ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪ 338 00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,416 ♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪ 339 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,958 ♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪ 340 00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:20,166 ♪ And Christmases long, long ago ♪ 341 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,791 ♪ Oh, the most wonderful time… ♪ 342 00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,333 -Oh. Hi. -Hi. 343 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,500 [woman] Merry Christmas. Can I help you? 344 00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:31,166 Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer. I'm here to see Josh Lin. 345 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,250 Is he home? 346 00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:36,708 Uh. He's not here right now, but I expect him any minute. 347 00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,583 Uh, why don't you come inside and wait? 348 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,625 Oh. Um. Sure. 349 00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:41,958 Oh my goodness. Um. 350 00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:47,541 I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight. I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom. 351 00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,208 -Nice to meet you. -Hi. You too. 352 00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,208 So, you and Josh are friends? 353 00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,958 Yeah. Yeah. I guess you could say that. [chuckles] 354 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,375 [man] Is that the Mormons again? For the last time, we're not converting! 355 00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:01,333 [yelling] It's not the Mormons, Bob! 356 00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,833 It's a friend of Josh's! 357 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,291 He does that every single, solitary time, even Halloween. 358 00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,958 Every time it rang one year, he was like, "Is that the Mormons?" 359 00:18:09,041 --> 00:18:10,583 Here is Bob. 360 00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,708 This is Josh's Dad. And this is his Grandmother, June. 361 00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:15,500 -Hello, dear! -Hi. Oh. 362 00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,375 [Barb] Okay, that's good. That's good. 363 00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:20,750 -How do you know Josh? -Ah, they're friends, Grandma June. 364 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,583 We're maybe just a little bit more than just friends. 365 00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:28,958 Oh my God. Are you… are you his "G Word"? 366 00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,166 -Geisha? -No. 367 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,875 Oh, you're his girlfriend? 368 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,958 I mean maybe. There's no titles yet. 369 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:39,333 Oh my! This… this is just off the charts. Look at you! 370 00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:42,583 -[Natalie] Thanks. It's a new lip gloss. -Josh has a girlfriend? 371 00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,958 Well, I mean… no… 372 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,583 Do we have something special? Yes. 373 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,208 Did I fly from LA to surprise him for Christmas? 374 00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:54,125 -Mm-hmm. Sure did. Here I am. Am I crazy? -A little. 375 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:57,041 -Uh, yeah, maybe a little. -You are-- This is just so romantic. 376 00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,458 [Natalie] Oh God, I hope so. 377 00:18:58,541 --> 00:19:00,208 [Barb] Oh, Natalie, we are so-- 378 00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,125 [gasps] 379 00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,583 That's him. Josh! 380 00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:05,666 Someone's here to see you! 381 00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:09,166 The UPS guy's not here to see me. Just sign for the package! 382 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,541 It's not UPS! [laughing] 383 00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:12,958 Just come up! 384 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,958 ["(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight" by Cutting Crew playing] 385 00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:20,791 ♪ Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight ♪ 386 00:19:21,916 --> 00:19:25,166 ♪ It must have been something you said ♪ 387 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:30,250 -♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪ -[music distorts, stops] 388 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,208 [Barb, Bob, Grandma] Surprise! 389 00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,916 Natalie? 390 00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,583 [nervously] What are you doing here? 391 00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,750 Surprising you for Christmas! 392 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,541 Uh… 393 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,333 I… 394 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,833 [chuckles nervously] Um… 395 00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,625 Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna… 396 00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:54,125 [footsteps receding] 397 00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,250 -[door opens] -Josh, go help her with her luggage. 398 00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,541 [Josh] Natalie! 399 00:19:57,625 --> 00:19:59,000 Good work, Josh. 400 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,333 No, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. 401 00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:04,708 -Look. I… I can explain! -[breathing heavily] I don't understand. 402 00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:08,875 We talked. [gulps] I made sure-- The… the photo! 403 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,041 It had my name on it. You wrote, "Bye, Natalie!" 404 00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,250 I'm pretty good at Photoshop. 405 00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:18,333 [breathing heavily] Oh my God! 406 00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:20,041 [Josh] Okay, let's take a deep breath. 407 00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:22,041 Not the baby Jesus. Don't. Don't. No, no, no, no. 408 00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,250 What kind of psychopath creates a fake profile 409 00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:27,083 and then starts a fake relationship online? 410 00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,291 [grunts] What kind of psycho 411 00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,208 flies across the country and shows up on somebody's front lawn? 412 00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:35,125 You said, and I quote, "I wish you were here with me for Christmas." 413 00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:38,250 That's just something people say. Like, "Your baby's so cute" 414 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,333 or "My diet starts tomorrow." 415 00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,875 -Everybody knows that. -[groans] 416 00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:44,875 [Josh] Well, apparently not everybody. Mm. 417 00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,958 Are you implying that this is my fault? 418 00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:52,250 -Nobody is blaming anybody, okay? -[Natalie] Oh! 419 00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:56,541 Maybe, maybe I get it, you never dated a Chinese guy before, and you're in shock! 420 00:20:56,625 --> 00:21:01,083 Yes, I have. He was born in Beijing, and he was amazing in bed. 421 00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:04,041 How could you lie to me? I really liked you. 422 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,416 I'm sorry. I… I never meant for it to go this far. Okay? 423 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,833 -Can we… can we go back inside and-- -No, I'm not going inside! 424 00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:12,541 I'm not going anywhere with you. 425 00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:15,458 I never want to see you again. Okay? 426 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,833 [footsteps receding] 427 00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:20,208 -[Josh] You don't know where you're going! -Baby Jesus will take the wheel. 428 00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,458 ["Jingle Bell Rock" playing] 429 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,541 [sighs deeply] 430 00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:27,000 [male patron] Yeah! 431 00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:30,583 ♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock ♪ 432 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:34,041 ♪ Jingle bells swing And jingle bells ring… ♪ 433 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,416 Hey, um, grab me another one of these green apple thingies. 434 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875 I got you. One sec, baby girl. 435 00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:43,750 And so, Sarah asked me, "Would you rather have a better memory or a bigger penis?" 436 00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,041 Okay. What'd you say? 437 00:21:45,541 --> 00:21:46,541 I don't remember. 438 00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,875 [both men laughing] 439 00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:49,958 Cali Asskicker. 440 00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,125 [man] Cali Asskicker! 441 00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:53,375 [man 2] Cali Asskicker! 442 00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,083 [man 3] Merry Christmas, everybody! 443 00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:58,750 ♪ What a bright time It's the right time ♪ 444 00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,791 [sound muffles] 445 00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:03,625 [ethereal tinkling] 446 00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,708 -[man 2] Get over here! -[man 3] Put 'em up, put 'em up! 447 00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,833 -[bartender] Triple Sec. Rum juice. -Okay. Talk to me. 448 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,916 -[bartender] Orange juice. Kiwi. -Say what? 449 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,333 -[bartender] Great. -You know me. 450 00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:20,125 Come on, Kerry, answer the phone. 451 00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,666 Tell me you are calling me from his bathroom 452 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,166 after the most intense orgasm of your life. 453 00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,458 [inhales] Hard to have an orgasm when you've been catfished! 454 00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:31,916 Shut up. Are you joking? 455 00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:33,708 [exhales deeply] 456 00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:36,750 [Josh] Oh Jesus. 457 00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,166 You're telling me the guy exists, and he's there? 458 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,083 Yup. 459 00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:46,000 [Kerry] That is not a coincidence, bitch. That is a sign from God. 460 00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:47,291 You should totally go for it. 461 00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:50,916 What are you, an LA six, which makes you a Lake Placid ten? 462 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,208 You owe it to yourself 463 00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:54,916 and your 50,000 frequent-flier miles to go for it. 464 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000 Besides, what do you have to lose? Huh? 465 00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,041 The last remaining microscopic shred of my pride and self-respect? 466 00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,750 [Kerry] Long gone, Nat. Besides, think of the story you'll write. 467 00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,458 Oh my God, Lee would be eating his freakin' words. 468 00:23:05,541 --> 00:23:08,000 You know what, you're gonna go, and you're gonna do this, 469 00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:11,333 and I… I want you to make that rugged unicorn notice you, okay? 470 00:23:11,416 --> 00:23:14,416 You got this. Go, go, go, go. I love you. Call me later. 471 00:23:16,458 --> 00:23:17,875 [sighs] 472 00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:21,375 ♪ Jingle around the clock ♪ 473 00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:23,875 ♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet ♪ 474 00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,416 -Here are your drinks, guys. Get involved. -[woman] Thanks. 475 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,333 [Natalie] Sorry, I need these more than you do. 476 00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:29,333 [woman] Hey! 477 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,583 The roof might not be my child… 478 00:23:32,583 --> 00:23:34,958 [gulps] but I'm still gonna raise it. 479 00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:36,375 [crowd cheering] 480 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,083 [coughs, clears throat] 481 00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,041 [singer laughing] Hey! 482 00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208 Where's my drink? Who has my drink? 483 00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:48,125 -[clears throat, coughs] -Okay, what do we got? 484 00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,291 This is Christmas karaoke. 485 00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:52,166 [Natalie] Just play it, please. 486 00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,500 [continues coughing] 487 00:23:55,541 --> 00:23:58,916 Okay, up next, we have Natalie doing 488 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,958 [sighs] her idea of a Christmas song. 489 00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:04,083 Sweet baby Jesus. 490 00:24:04,166 --> 00:24:06,875 ["I Would Do Anything For Love" by Nina Dobrev playing] 491 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:24,500 [Natalie] ♪ And I would do anything For love ♪ 492 00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:28,333 -Yes! Whoo! -[Natalie] ♪ I would do anything ♪ 493 00:24:28,416 --> 00:24:29,833 ♪ For love ♪ 494 00:24:29,916 --> 00:24:32,583 ♪ But I won't do that ♪ 495 00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,500 Huh! 496 00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:38,083 ♪ No I won't do that ♪ 497 00:24:38,166 --> 00:24:39,166 [crowd gasps] 498 00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:45,083 [sputtering] 499 00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:47,458 [man laughing] 500 00:24:47,541 --> 00:24:49,875 ♪ Some days it don't come easy ♪ 501 00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,791 -♪ And some days it don't come hard ♪ -Be respectful. 502 00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,333 -She has a condition. -Um. 503 00:24:54,416 --> 00:24:55,625 ♪ …come at all ♪ 504 00:24:55,708 --> 00:24:59,041 ♪ And these are the days that never end ♪ 505 00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,416 ♪ And some nights you're breathing fire ♪ 506 00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:05,541 ♪ And some nights you're carved in ice ♪ 507 00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:11,958 ♪ Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again ♪ 508 00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,416 -♪ And maybe I'm crazy ♪ -Okay. 509 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,208 -♪ But it's crazy and it's true ♪ -[man] I am a Christian! 510 00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,833 -Oh! Careful. Careful. -Okay. 511 00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:21,000 ♪ I know you can save me ♪ 512 00:25:21,083 --> 00:25:24,166 -♪ No one else can save me know but you ♪ -Mm. 513 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:27,916 ♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪ 514 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,083 ♪ As long as the stars are burning ♪ 515 00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:35,083 [screaming] 516 00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:38,916 Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! 517 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,583 -[door slams shut] -[Josh gasps] 518 00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:42,250 [patron] Whoo. 519 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,333 -Yeah! Very solid. -[crowd cheering] 520 00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:49,333 Here. You left these inside. 521 00:25:49,833 --> 00:25:54,000 [gasping] Shit. There must've been kiwi in those shots. 522 00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:55,541 -What? -[coughing] 523 00:25:55,625 --> 00:25:57,708 [straining] Where is it? Where is it? 524 00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,125 -Wha-- Where's what? -[gasping] 525 00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:03,333 [breathlessly] My EpiPen! 526 00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:06,666 Oh shit! 527 00:26:08,583 --> 00:26:10,583 [light buzzing] 528 00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:13,250 [exhales] 529 00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,416 Oh! Thank God you're not dead. 530 00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:18,708 [Natalie coughs] Where am I? 531 00:26:18,791 --> 00:26:19,958 A hospital. 532 00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:22,750 [dogs barking] 533 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:24,250 [cats meowing] 534 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,791 You took me to a vet? 535 00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500 Well, the real human hospital's 30 minutes away, 536 00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:32,041 and I didn't want to risk it. 537 00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:35,208 But relax, Dr. Foye is the best in town. 538 00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:40,541 [breathing heavily] Hello. I'm Dr. Foye. Wow! You look a lot, uh, a lot better. 539 00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:43,791 Huh? Right? Good thing Josh brought you in when he did, huh? 540 00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:45,250 'Cause you were like… Whoo! 541 00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:47,375 You're gonna be fine. Stay as long as you like. 542 00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,833 Couple biscuits under the tree for you if you like. 543 00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:51,625 -Thank you. -Thanks, Doc. 544 00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:53,083 [door closes] 545 00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:54,291 [groans] 546 00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:58,166 -So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh? -Mm-hmm. 547 00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,666 Did you really think sexy karaoke was going to work? 548 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,541 This is not LA, and Tag is not an LA guy. 549 00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:09,666 Hot girls hit on him here all the time, and they're all the same. 550 00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,500 If you want him to notice you, do something different. 551 00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,333 Oh, he noticed me tonight. 552 00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:18,333 Honestly, your face was so swollen, you looked more like Chucky. 553 00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,250 I doubt he'll recognize you. 554 00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:23,833 -I don't know anything about this guy. -But I do. 555 00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:27,208 Not only were Tag and I best friends until 8th grade, 556 00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:30,333 I have been pretending to be him for the last two weeks. 557 00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,250 So what? 558 00:27:31,333 --> 00:27:35,000 So, I know Tag better than he knows himself. 559 00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:37,125 I can help you get him. 560 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:39,875 Why would you do that? 561 00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:42,583 Well, maybe if I'm helping you with something, 562 00:27:42,666 --> 00:27:44,833 maybe you can do something for me in return. 563 00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:49,375 I am not having sex with you. 564 00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:53,041 No! That's not what I'm saying at all. 565 00:27:53,666 --> 00:27:59,250 I was thinking maybe you can, um, pretend to be my girlfriend until Christmas. 566 00:28:00,250 --> 00:28:01,125 Um. 567 00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:02,708 Why? 568 00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:06,291 Did you see how my parents looked at me tonight 569 00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:08,458 when they thought you were my girlfriend? 570 00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:09,958 Okay, you're crazy. 571 00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:14,333 Being seen with you? That would be a huge win. 572 00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:16,375 I mean, you know, 573 00:28:17,083 --> 00:28:18,208 look at you. 574 00:28:18,291 --> 00:28:20,666 All I'm asking for is a week. 575 00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,708 Then we'll stage a breakup, and you'll be free from me forever. 576 00:28:24,791 --> 00:28:26,000 [text tone] 577 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,166 [sighs deeply] 578 00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:33,041 [cats meowing] 579 00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:36,958 You're gonna set me up with Tag? 580 00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:40,458 Yes! You guys will be in love by New Year's. 581 00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:42,666 Have a baby by next Thanksgiving. 582 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,208 By the way, do you have insurance? They were asking me. 583 00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:47,291 [dogs barking] 584 00:28:48,416 --> 00:28:50,333 Well, welcome to my crib. 585 00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:52,333 This is where the magic happens. 586 00:28:52,958 --> 00:28:57,125 That's just something people say. Not a lot of magic has happened at all. 587 00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:00,250 Uh… but got a mini-fridge with all kinds of soda. 588 00:29:00,333 --> 00:29:03,666 There's laundry, bathroom, foosball table if you want to play. 589 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:08,000 [insincerely] Oh. I love what you've done with the place. 590 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,208 Well, it's still, you know, it's pretty much temporary. 591 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:15,791 My apartment is still under renovation. It sustained a little smoke damage, so… 592 00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,250 -[sighs] -Well, good night. 593 00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:22,750 -Just make yourself comfortable. -[clears throat, chuckles] Uh. No. 594 00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:25,416 You, on the floor. Now. 595 00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:29,833 This is the only Tempur-Pedic in the house, and I have a bad back. 596 00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:34,666 I don't care if this bed is the only thing keeping you from complete paralysis. 597 00:29:34,750 --> 00:29:35,833 We ain't sharing. 598 00:29:35,916 --> 00:29:38,958 -What if we put pillows in the middle? -No. 599 00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:42,666 -Okay. What if we do like head to toe? -Mm. It's always gonna be no. So, yeah. 600 00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:48,333 We should probably address the, uh, catfish in the room. 601 00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:51,041 You do realize that at some point, you were going to have to meet me. 602 00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:56,541 Well, I didn't set out to catfish you. It just kind of happened. 603 00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:57,875 It kind of happened? 604 00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,750 I had my profile up for a year, and guess how many matches I got. 605 00:30:02,625 --> 00:30:03,458 Three. 606 00:30:03,541 --> 00:30:06,333 And one of them was my old English teacher. 607 00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,833 She's 70 now, and she has a pacemaker. 608 00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:11,541 Having sex with her would literally kill her. 609 00:30:12,708 --> 00:30:14,083 So just as an experiment, 610 00:30:14,166 --> 00:30:17,625 I thought I could use a picture of a standard hot guy 611 00:30:17,708 --> 00:30:21,000 and see what would happen. I got 85 matches in five minutes. 612 00:30:21,083 --> 00:30:23,083 So, apparently, there's plenty of girls out there. 613 00:30:23,166 --> 00:30:24,458 They just didn't want to date me. 614 00:30:24,541 --> 00:30:27,541 Are you seriously looking for sympathy right now? 615 00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,208 There are no words for what you did. 616 00:30:30,291 --> 00:30:31,875 -Well, I would-- -No words! 617 00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:35,208 But a deal's a deal. So let's just move on. 618 00:30:46,375 --> 00:30:47,250 Okay. 619 00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:53,583 [Barb] And you had to write the words on your hand. 620 00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:55,583 -[Josh laughing] -He keeps taking his glove off. 621 00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:56,833 His hands are freezing. 622 00:30:56,916 --> 00:30:59,791 I… I… I thought your finger was gonna fall off, Dad, for sure! 623 00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:01,208 -Natalie! -Oh. 624 00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:05,125 Come on in, come on. Join us for breakfast. We just sat down. 625 00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:08,625 Um, I actually should probably go shower. 626 00:31:08,708 --> 00:31:11,250 Oh, I'm sure you look absolutely beautiful. 627 00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:13,666 But full disclosure, I can't see shit. 628 00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:14,708 [all laughing] 629 00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:16,041 Please, sit. 630 00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,916 Wow, this all looks so delicious. 631 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,125 Oh, please, help yourself to anything. 632 00:31:21,208 --> 00:31:22,375 Oh, bacon? 633 00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:24,541 -Oh, she's a vegetarian. -I'm a vegetarian. 634 00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:26,666 But thank you, Mr. Lin. 635 00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,333 So where did you lovebirds rush off to last night? 636 00:31:29,416 --> 00:31:32,208 -Oh, we went to McGregor's for karaoke. -Mm-hmm. 637 00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,583 [Barb] Oh, how was that? 638 00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:35,416 -Oh. -It was, uh… 639 00:31:36,541 --> 00:31:38,458 swell? Right, Natalie? 640 00:31:39,208 --> 00:31:42,291 Well, I want to hear all about how you two met. 641 00:31:42,375 --> 00:31:44,583 Oh, it's just an online dating app. 642 00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:46,166 -Not much to it. -[scoffs] 643 00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,541 Just text, text, send. 644 00:31:47,625 --> 00:31:49,291 Next thing you know, she's right next to me. 645 00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,250 -Here I am. -[Josh, Natalie chuckle] 646 00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:52,958 What nonsense. 647 00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,208 People used to fall in and out of love based solely upon the written word. 648 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,125 The pen is mightier than the penis. 649 00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,875 -[chokes] -Grandma, let's-- We have company. 650 00:32:00,958 --> 00:32:02,916 Let's eat our eggs before they get cold. 651 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,750 So, Natalie, what was it about Josh that first caught your eye? 652 00:32:06,916 --> 00:32:08,250 Gee, I mean, um… 653 00:32:08,958 --> 00:32:10,291 I don't even know where to start. 654 00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:14,125 There was just so many unbelievable things in his profile. 655 00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:19,083 His photos. I took one look at that hair, that unique physique. 656 00:32:19,166 --> 00:32:21,833 Uh, I mean, that jawline. [scoffs] 657 00:32:21,916 --> 00:32:24,375 I thought to myself, "It's too good to be true." 658 00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,416 Oh no, it's true. 659 00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,541 He's gotten more chiseled in the last couple of years. 660 00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:31,166 Oh, but it wasn't just the photos that ensnared me. 661 00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:33,875 His bio. He's passionate about life, 662 00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,708 loves all things outdoors. 663 00:32:35,791 --> 00:32:38,500 -Oh hey. He mentioned the store. -[Josh chuckles] 664 00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:41,708 [sniffs] My father started it 50 years ago. 665 00:32:41,791 --> 00:32:44,375 I run it now, but Josh is one of the salesmen. 666 00:32:44,458 --> 00:32:48,125 -We don't have to talk shop at breakfast. -Oh, but it's so fascinating. 667 00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,500 And all the travel that it must involve. 668 00:32:50,583 --> 00:32:53,083 Well, if you count lunch runs to Applebee's, 669 00:32:53,166 --> 00:32:54,750 then Josh travels every day. 670 00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,583 [Natalie] Applebee's! 671 00:32:59,916 --> 00:33:01,041 Applebee's! 672 00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:02,333 Applebee's. 673 00:33:02,416 --> 00:33:05,500 You know, I've been thinking about joining one of those dating sites. 674 00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:06,875 My friend Darlene 675 00:33:06,958 --> 00:33:10,333 down at Shimmering Pines, she joined one called Gray Play, 676 00:33:10,416 --> 00:33:13,916 and she has seen more ass than a church pew. 677 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,041 -Okay, June! Seriously. -[Josh] Mom. 678 00:33:16,125 --> 00:33:17,416 [Barb] Let's just… [laughs] 679 00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,500 I could use your expertise in setting up my profile. 680 00:33:20,583 --> 00:33:21,833 -Oh. Um… -Yeah. 681 00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:22,750 -Okay. -Sure. 682 00:33:22,833 --> 00:33:26,166 May I see yours? And can you show me Josh's? 683 00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:29,791 -I didn't bring my phone. It's downstairs. -Maybe later, Grams. 684 00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,750 Yeah. Natalie and I have to head out. 685 00:33:31,833 --> 00:33:35,208 Uh, I'm gonna show her a grand tour of Lake Placid and the store. 686 00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:37,916 -Oh. That's a great idea. Fun. -[Josh] Mm-hmm. Yeah. 687 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,833 -[Barb] Take your toast. -[Bob] Drive carefully. 688 00:33:39,916 --> 00:33:41,000 Oh. Yeah. 689 00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:43,250 -Mmm. So good! -She loves her toast! 690 00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:46,291 ["Counting the Days" by the Crystalairs playing] 691 00:33:47,625 --> 00:33:50,875 ♪ Counting the days Been waiting since last year ♪ 692 00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:53,083 Okay. The first thing you need to know about Tag 693 00:33:53,166 --> 00:33:55,250 is he likes outdoorsy, adventurous women. 694 00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:58,125 Not Instagram models who count carbs. 695 00:33:58,208 --> 00:33:59,416 I don't count carbs. 696 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:00,500 I monitor them. 697 00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:04,041 Sure. Whatever you say. So, uh, what size are you? 698 00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,375 [scoffs] None of your business. Besides, what's wrong with what I'm wearing? 699 00:34:07,458 --> 00:34:09,416 You wanna look relaxed, like you don't care. 700 00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:13,208 So go put these on because Tag is gonna be here any minute. 701 00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:14,125 What? 702 00:34:14,208 --> 00:34:16,833 Yeah, he's got an order come in. I told him to swing by at 11:00. 703 00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,916 -Oh, also, take this. -Uh. [sighs] 704 00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:23,375 Walden? Are you kidding me? Thoreau was an asshole. 705 00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:26,416 Pretend you like it because that's Tag's favorite book. 706 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:30,166 Also! When you're talking to him, throw in some rock climbing lingo. 707 00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:31,625 He loves that shit. 708 00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:33,166 [store patrons chattering] 709 00:34:33,250 --> 00:34:34,375 [sighs] 710 00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:37,708 ♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪ 711 00:34:37,791 --> 00:34:40,500 ♪ It's the best time of the year ♪ 712 00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:41,500 [door chimes] 713 00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:43,791 -[Josh] What's up, Tag? -[Tag] Hey, buddy, how's it going? 714 00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:44,958 [Josh] Hey, man. 715 00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:48,041 -[Bob] Is that Tag? Captain America! -How's it going? 716 00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:50,833 -♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪ -[Bob laughs] 717 00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:55,083 -Ooh! Solid as a rock! -Thank you. It's good to see you, Mr. Lin. 718 00:34:55,166 --> 00:34:58,291 -I hear you got some carabiners for me? -[Bob] Sure do. They're in the back. 719 00:34:59,291 --> 00:35:02,041 -I want you to meet someone today. -[Tag] Oh? Okay. 720 00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:02,958 [Josh] Yeah. 721 00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,708 -[Tag] Nice stuff. Get some new duds in? -[Josh] Always. 722 00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:10,500 Tag, I want you to meet my cousin Natalie. 723 00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:13,875 And Natalie, I want you to meet my old friend Tag. 724 00:35:16,166 --> 00:35:17,375 You two are cousins? 725 00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,875 Yeah. Uh. We… Well-- 726 00:35:20,958 --> 00:35:24,583 From my stepmom's side, so that would technically make us step-cousins. 727 00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:25,500 Oh. 728 00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:29,291 A distinction that only really matters if you're from Alabama. 729 00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:33,541 She's such a joker. 730 00:35:35,416 --> 00:35:36,250 Yeah. 731 00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:38,541 Walden? 732 00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:40,166 Oh. 733 00:35:41,166 --> 00:35:43,666 That's my favorite book. I reread it every year. 734 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,625 -Really? Wow. -[Tag] Yeah. 735 00:35:45,708 --> 00:35:47,708 -No way! -[chuckles] Yeah. 736 00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:49,000 Isn't Thoreau the best? 737 00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:53,458 Well, some people find him a self-obsessed narcissist, 738 00:35:53,541 --> 00:35:56,666 fanatical about self-control, not to mention a total hypocrite, 739 00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:59,750 but personally, I find him so inspiring. 740 00:36:02,083 --> 00:36:04,708 "Rather than love, than money, 741 00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:06,375 than fame, 742 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,250 give me truth." 743 00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:14,791 [sighs] I'm sorry. It gets me every time. 744 00:36:14,875 --> 00:36:15,833 [chuckles] 745 00:36:16,333 --> 00:36:18,458 If anyone gets it, it's me. 746 00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:19,500 God. 747 00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,791 Have we met before? 748 00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:25,666 Because you look so familiar. I… I just can't put my finger on it. 749 00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:28,875 Unlikely. Natalie just flew in from California this morning. 750 00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:29,791 This morning. 751 00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:32,875 I actually teach a survival course in Yosemite every summer. 752 00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,916 Savage! [clears throat] 753 00:36:35,666 --> 00:36:38,375 -I guess you could say that, yeah. -I love Yosemite. 754 00:36:38,458 --> 00:36:43,375 It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar-- like, gnarly climbing there. 755 00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,500 You climb? 756 00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:49,250 Me? [scoffs] Do I climb? I'll climb anything that moves. 757 00:36:51,791 --> 00:36:53,166 I'm an aggro. 758 00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:56,791 -Aggro? -Yeah, like aggressive. Aggro. [growls] 759 00:36:56,875 --> 00:37:00,750 An aggressive climber. I climb all kinds of things like 760 00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:05,791 ladders, um, houses, um, trees, 761 00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:06,958 ladders… 762 00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:10,000 Mostly ladders. [chuckles] 763 00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:10,916 That's cool. 764 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,875 Um, a few of us are climbing at Rock Ventures tomorrow. 765 00:37:13,958 --> 00:37:14,791 Wanna join? 766 00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:16,958 Hell yeah! Let's do it. 767 00:37:17,041 --> 00:37:17,875 -Great. -Mm-hmm. 768 00:37:17,958 --> 00:37:19,625 -10:00 a.m.? -Perfect. 769 00:37:19,708 --> 00:37:22,333 Um. Well, hey, it was nice to meet you, Natalie. 770 00:37:22,416 --> 00:37:24,583 -I'll see you guys at 10:00 a.m. -See you, bro. 771 00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:26,958 Climb you later! [chuckles] 772 00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,250 Savage? 773 00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:31,708 Gnarly? 774 00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,125 Aggro? 775 00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,166 You're the one who told me to look up the lingo! 776 00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,541 Yeah. Real words like "rappel" and "harness." 777 00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,333 You sound like you got Millennial Tourette's! 778 00:37:39,416 --> 00:37:42,166 Well, you know what? We've got bigger problems. 779 00:37:42,250 --> 00:37:46,416 I once broke my toe climbing out of bed. How am I gonna climb a wall? 780 00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:50,125 I can teach you right here. I mean, how bad could you possibly be? 781 00:37:50,625 --> 00:37:51,750 [screaming] 782 00:37:51,833 --> 00:37:54,125 -[Josh] All right. Come down! -[panting] I can't hold on! 783 00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:57,083 -[laughing] Here. Here. Come on. -[Natalie whimpering] 784 00:37:57,166 --> 00:37:59,708 [exhales deeply] Sweet baby Jesus. 785 00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:06,958 The key is to not focus on the wall, but to focus on your first move. 786 00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:08,000 Here, look at this. 787 00:38:08,083 --> 00:38:11,166 And then, your second. Okay? 788 00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,208 Onto your third. 789 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:18,083 See, great things are done by a series of small things brought together. 790 00:38:19,708 --> 00:38:20,833 -[Natalie] Hmm? -Whew. 791 00:38:20,916 --> 00:38:22,666 That's actually very insightful. 792 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:25,875 Van Gogh. Feel free to use it on Tag sometime. 793 00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:27,041 Any questions? 794 00:38:27,125 --> 00:38:28,791 What was he like in high school? 795 00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:30,208 Exactly what you'd expect. 796 00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:34,083 Class president, prom king, star of the football team. 797 00:38:34,666 --> 00:38:36,458 Why did you stop being friends? 798 00:38:36,541 --> 00:38:38,666 [sighs] Because he got popular. 799 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,583 And you? 800 00:38:41,208 --> 00:38:42,083 Didn't. 801 00:38:43,666 --> 00:38:44,750 [door chimes] 802 00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,958 -Go ahead, come on. -[clears throat] 803 00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,708 [exhales] Full disclosure, 804 00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,916 I was kind of a late bloomer too. [grunts] 805 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,791 I find that very hard to believe. 806 00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:00,541 Yeah, well, If it wasn't for Invisalign and Accutane, 807 00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,791 you would not have swiped on me. [grunts] 808 00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:06,458 Well, if it wasn't for Tag's photos, you wouldn't have swiped on me. 809 00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:08,833 [grunts] How am I doing so far? 810 00:39:08,916 --> 00:39:10,666 -You're actually doing great. -Yeah? 811 00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:11,916 -Yeah. -[gasps, screams] 812 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,291 [up-beat pop playing] 813 00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:15,916 -[Natalie] Do you have a hamper? -[Josh] It's over by the closet. 814 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:16,958 [clears throat] 815 00:39:25,416 --> 00:39:27,875 Is this how you boil your victims? 816 00:39:27,958 --> 00:39:31,166 Careful! Careful! Careful! That's a wax warmer for candle-making. 817 00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:32,750 It's very expensive. 818 00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:33,750 Okay. 819 00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,625 Grandma June makes candles? 820 00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,458 Yes, it's one of her hobbies. 821 00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:41,625 Josh Lin? 822 00:39:41,708 --> 00:39:43,333 All right, fine, they're mine. 823 00:39:43,416 --> 00:39:47,125 Guys can do things besides hunt and pay for everything, okay? 824 00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:50,458 Plus, I see this more as a business than a hobby. 825 00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:52,625 -All right. -Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa! 826 00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:54,875 -Let's see what you got. [grunts] -Come on! 827 00:39:54,958 --> 00:39:55,916 [straining] Okay. 828 00:39:58,500 --> 00:39:59,333 Oh. 829 00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:02,458 You see, candles are solely marketed to women. 830 00:40:02,541 --> 00:40:05,000 They all smell like flowers and candy 831 00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:08,833 with names like "Sweet Caresses" or "Shooting Star." 832 00:40:08,916 --> 00:40:11,333 No self-respecting man's gonna buy those, 833 00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:13,958 even if his apartment smells like bong water. 834 00:40:14,041 --> 00:40:18,916 So, I created my own line of masculine candles 835 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,250 that captures the essence of a dude. 836 00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:24,416 Yeah, I don't see "Compulsive Liar," 837 00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:27,208 "Left The Toilet Seat Up," or "Won't Ask For Directions" in here. 838 00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:29,000 Make all the jokes you want, 839 00:40:29,083 --> 00:40:32,375 but 50 percent of the US candle market is underserved. 840 00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:34,250 So, then why don't you serve them? 841 00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:36,041 Because a business costs money. 842 00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:39,250 Then ask your dad for a loan. I feel like he's the target customer. 843 00:40:39,333 --> 00:40:40,625 -Have you met him? -Yeah. 844 00:40:40,708 --> 00:40:42,833 -The old Asian man upstairs? -Oh yeah. 845 00:40:42,916 --> 00:40:46,083 [Josh] He's only interested in sporty, manly things. 846 00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:50,125 Plus, he and my brother would just tease me about it. 847 00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:53,791 -[Natalie] You have a brother? -[man] Prodigal son has returned! 848 00:40:54,291 --> 00:40:56,500 -["Macho Man" playing] -Christmas may now commence! 849 00:40:56,583 --> 00:40:58,666 [sighs] Speak of the devil. 850 00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:02,125 Owen's here! Now it's Christmas! 851 00:41:02,208 --> 00:41:04,125 Is that my baby? 852 00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:07,458 -[Barb] Owen! [laughing] -Mom! Mm! 853 00:41:07,541 --> 00:41:09,541 -[Bob] Hi, Chelsea! -[Barb] Merry Christmas, honey. 854 00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:11,458 Merry Christmas. Look at what I got you. 855 00:41:12,041 --> 00:41:14,750 -[Barb] It's so good to see you! -[Bob] Honey! Wow! 856 00:41:14,833 --> 00:41:16,833 -Wow! Look at you! -[Chelsea] Merry Christmas! 857 00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,791 You've been lifting those weights I bought you. Huh? Yeah! 858 00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:23,291 -You've been so busy with the new house! -Okay. Game face. 859 00:41:23,375 --> 00:41:26,291 [indistinct chattering] 860 00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:27,333 [clears throat] 861 00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:29,958 Hey, Joshy! 862 00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:32,000 -What's going on, bro? -What's up, Owen? 863 00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:34,541 -Merry Christmas, man. [winces] -[Owen laughing] 864 00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,375 -[Josh laughing] -[Bob] Wow! 865 00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,875 Oh, and, uh, who do we have here? 866 00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,125 Oh, this is Natalie. 867 00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:44,708 Oh, is she Grandma's new nurse? 868 00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:48,041 -No. -Ah! She must be in Mom's new book club. 869 00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,916 -No, she is-- -[Owen] Oh shit. Shit. Uh… 870 00:41:51,666 --> 00:41:53,125 Is this another intervention? 871 00:41:53,208 --> 00:41:56,750 No, honey. Natalie is your brother's girlfriend. 872 00:41:58,416 --> 00:41:59,375 [laughs] 873 00:42:01,291 --> 00:42:03,041 Oh, you're… you're… you're serious. 874 00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,083 Really? 875 00:42:04,166 --> 00:42:05,791 -Really. -[Josh] Mm-hmm. 876 00:42:05,875 --> 00:42:10,125 Oh! Well, that is awesome. 877 00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,750 Yeah, we-- You know, we were just saying in the car, right? 878 00:42:13,833 --> 00:42:16,708 -We were just talking about it. -We talked about this for hours. 879 00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,625 -[Chelsea] Yeah. Yeah. -[Owen] How is Joshy still single? 880 00:42:19,708 --> 00:42:21,833 Yeah, I mean, granted, he still lives at home, 881 00:42:21,916 --> 00:42:24,333 and the glasses aren't doing him any favors. 882 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:25,583 No, they're not. 883 00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:28,583 -I am so pumped about this. Aren't you? -I'm so pumped. 884 00:42:28,666 --> 00:42:30,916 Oh, we-- This is a Christmas miracle. 885 00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,791 Thank you so much, Natasha. 886 00:42:34,458 --> 00:42:35,500 [scoffs] 887 00:42:35,583 --> 00:42:39,250 You know what? The pleasure's all mine, Oren. 888 00:42:41,833 --> 00:42:44,750 ["O Christmas Tree" by Stuart Roslyn & Matthew Foundling playing] 889 00:42:44,833 --> 00:42:46,541 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 890 00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:48,166 ♪ O Christmas tree… ♪ 891 00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,166 -[Owen] Yeah, I made this! -[Bob] Yeah. 892 00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,083 [Owen] It's still in good condition. 893 00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,958 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 894 00:42:54,041 --> 00:42:55,416 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 895 00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,750 Speaking of stocks, uh, the market has been crazy this year. 896 00:42:58,833 --> 00:42:59,833 -So crazy. -Yeah. 897 00:42:59,916 --> 00:43:01,750 A lot of guys bet big on China Tire. 898 00:43:01,833 --> 00:43:04,375 They lost everything except their virginity. [laughing] 899 00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,041 [Bob laughing] Hey! 900 00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:09,125 Oh my God. 901 00:43:09,208 --> 00:43:12,833 -[laughing] Look at this. Look at this. -[Barb gasps] Oh, look at my little guy. 902 00:43:12,916 --> 00:43:14,750 -[Owen] Look at junior jumbo Josh. -Oh no. 903 00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:17,000 -We don't have to-- -[Owen] Yes! You remember this one? 904 00:43:17,083 --> 00:43:19,500 That is my favorite ornament of all time. 905 00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,958 God, you were such a cutie, Josh. Look at that rat tail. Do you see that? 906 00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:25,416 He was such a cutie! 907 00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,041 -Those chubby little cheekies! [chuckles] -He was eight. 908 00:43:29,125 --> 00:43:32,958 You know, I'm actually super grateful for my awkward teenage years. 909 00:43:33,041 --> 00:43:35,958 They helped me develop resilience, empathy. 910 00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:38,750 If it wasn't for that, I'd be, [pfft] I don't know, uh, 911 00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:42,291 an insensitive, attention-seeking [inhales deeply] jerk? 912 00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:43,500 [chuckles] 913 00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:46,875 Former chubster, huh? 914 00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,416 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 915 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,041 [Chelsea] Tsk. Aw! 916 00:43:52,416 --> 00:43:53,541 Mm! 917 00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:56,833 -Where does this one go? -Oh! 918 00:43:56,916 --> 00:44:00,250 That one goes on top of the… the tree. 919 00:44:00,333 --> 00:44:01,750 Um. [chuckles] 920 00:44:02,291 --> 00:44:03,458 I put it up every year. 921 00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,833 It's, like, a tradition sort of thing. It's no big deal. 922 00:44:05,916 --> 00:44:09,083 Actually, I was thinking maybe Natalie could put it up this year 923 00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:12,500 since it's her first time here, and she's our guest and all. 924 00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,708 Uh, yeah, well, sure. Sure. 925 00:44:14,791 --> 00:44:15,750 [smacks lips] 926 00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:21,916 -Thanks. -Yeah. 927 00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:25,500 -I think she cut me. -It's okay, baby. I think she did too. 928 00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:27,541 -[Barb] Hold on to her tight, Josh. -Oh, I got her. 929 00:44:27,625 --> 00:44:29,541 -[Bob] Careful. -[Josh] Just right on top there. 930 00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,583 -I'm gonna help her. -It's okay. Focus on-- 931 00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:34,083 -I got it. Oh, look at that. -[Josh] Perfect! 932 00:44:34,166 --> 00:44:36,041 -It's so crooked. -It's very crooked. 933 00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:37,541 -Here we go. -[Barb] Light her up. 934 00:44:37,625 --> 00:44:39,083 I'll come back and fix it. 935 00:44:39,791 --> 00:44:42,208 -[Josh] Whoo! -[Bob] Merry Christmas! 936 00:44:42,291 --> 00:44:43,458 -[text tone] -Merry Christmas. 937 00:44:43,541 --> 00:44:44,500 [Owen] Great! 938 00:44:45,458 --> 00:44:48,125 [Barb] Everyone did a great job on it this year. 939 00:44:48,208 --> 00:44:49,583 [Owen] Except for the star. 940 00:44:49,666 --> 00:44:51,416 -[Josh] Well, especially Natalie. -[Bob] Yeah. 941 00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:59,541 [Natalie] Owen really likes being the center of attention, huh? 942 00:44:59,625 --> 00:45:03,250 Likes to be? He has to be. He's a Pisces. 943 00:45:04,166 --> 00:45:07,875 The next time he tries to steal the spotlight, steal it back. 944 00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,541 -Easier said than done. -No, I'm serious. Steal it back. 945 00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:16,583 All right. Come on. [exhales] We gotta go. Don't want to be late. 946 00:45:16,666 --> 00:45:18,375 Tag is fanatically punctual. 947 00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:22,291 So, is the, uh, wall that we're climbing like the one we climbed at your store? 948 00:45:22,791 --> 00:45:24,416 -Yeah. Pretty much. -Okay. 949 00:45:29,625 --> 00:45:31,916 Natalie! You coming or what? 950 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,583 Yup. Definitely. Be right there. 951 00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:38,916 -You didn't tell me he was Tom Cruise. -Oh, I thought you were an aggro. 952 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,916 I can't do this. 953 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,583 -Yes, you can. -Get this off me. 954 00:45:41,666 --> 00:45:43,208 -Get this off. -Don't undo that, come on. 955 00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:46,416 -Off! Off! Off! Off! Get this off me. No! -Just stop. Stop. 956 00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,041 Stop. You got this, okay? 957 00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:50,041 Here, look. 958 00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:52,250 Put these in. 959 00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:53,416 What? Why? 960 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,541 It'll help you relax. And it's your favorite song. 961 00:45:57,291 --> 00:45:59,708 It's gonna help me relax. Gonna help me relax. 962 00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,125 Yeah, it's gonna help me rel-- Oh. 963 00:46:02,208 --> 00:46:04,666 ["Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds playing] 964 00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:07,375 Remember, one move at a time. 965 00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:10,583 -What? -One move at a time! 966 00:46:10,666 --> 00:46:14,208 [chuckles] Thanks, Joshy-poo. Not my first climb, though, man. 967 00:46:14,291 --> 00:46:15,625 We know, bro! 968 00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,125 ♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪ 969 00:46:22,208 --> 00:46:24,333 ♪ I'll be alone ♪ 970 00:46:24,416 --> 00:46:26,541 -♪ Dancing, you know it, baby ♪ -Go get him! 971 00:46:27,125 --> 00:46:30,833 ♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪ 972 00:46:30,916 --> 00:46:34,791 -♪ Giving everything inside and out and ♪ -[grunting] 973 00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:40,125 -♪ Don't you forget about me ♪ -[grunting] Oh. 974 00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:43,458 ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪ 975 00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:48,166 -♪ Don't you forget about me… ♪ -[grunting] Okay. 976 00:46:48,250 --> 00:46:50,916 [man] Yeah, snap! [laughing] Hug those jugs! 977 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,666 [Tag] Natalie, kill it! Whoo! 978 00:46:52,750 --> 00:46:54,583 [breathing heavily] 979 00:46:56,958 --> 00:47:03,000 ♪ I say La, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 980 00:47:03,083 --> 00:47:06,791 -♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ -Hah! 981 00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:09,916 -Whoo! -♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 982 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,125 Yes! [breathing heavily] 983 00:47:12,208 --> 00:47:15,708 I thought you guys said this was hard… [gasps] 984 00:47:15,791 --> 00:47:18,000 Not bad. Come on down. 985 00:47:19,083 --> 00:47:21,125 [panicking] Um… 986 00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:22,333 Actually, I think, um… 987 00:47:23,250 --> 00:47:26,250 I'm gonna stay up here and enjoy the view for a little while. 988 00:47:26,333 --> 00:47:27,208 [loud thud] 989 00:47:29,166 --> 00:47:30,083 My turn. 990 00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:31,750 Natalie, what're you doing? 991 00:47:31,833 --> 00:47:33,875 -[man 1] Go get it. -Watch, you might learn something. 992 00:47:33,958 --> 00:47:34,791 [man 1] Okay, Joshy. 993 00:47:34,875 --> 00:47:36,375 -[man 2] Go hard. -[Tag] Get it, Joshy! 994 00:47:36,458 --> 00:47:37,583 [man 1] I see you. 995 00:47:37,666 --> 00:47:38,500 [Josh grunting] 996 00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:42,458 -[Josh grunts] -[Tag] All right, Josh. 997 00:47:43,166 --> 00:47:45,208 [Josh grunting] 998 00:47:45,291 --> 00:47:47,708 Hey. What are you doing? 999 00:47:47,791 --> 00:47:50,625 -The hard part is over. Just rappel down. -Uh-uh. 1000 00:47:50,708 --> 00:47:52,958 You got through the tough part. It's nothing. 1001 00:47:53,041 --> 00:47:56,375 Oh God, this is how I die. I'm gonna die. This is… this is it. This is it for me. 1002 00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:59,458 Okay. Okay. I think I actually know a trick to get you down, 1003 00:47:59,541 --> 00:48:00,583 but you gotta trust me. 1004 00:48:00,666 --> 00:48:02,166 Trust the guy who catfished me? 1005 00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:04,958 No, trust the guy who got you up here in the first place. 1006 00:48:05,041 --> 00:48:08,250 Look, I know you're scared, but you've got this. 1007 00:48:08,333 --> 00:48:09,750 And I've got you. 1008 00:48:10,250 --> 00:48:12,500 Okay? I promise. 1009 00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:14,541 [gentle music playing] 1010 00:48:15,041 --> 00:48:16,000 Come on. 1011 00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:19,416 -Breathe. Breathe. -[breath trembling] 1012 00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,750 That was so awesome. You got all the way up here by yourself. 1013 00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:29,125 -Good. Okay. Stand up. -[breathing heavily] 1014 00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:31,541 Okay, great. 1015 00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:35,375 [gasps] Oh my God. 1016 00:48:35,458 --> 00:48:38,125 It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Don't look backwards. 1017 00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,708 -[breath trembling] -Okay. 1018 00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,125 -I can't do this, Josh. I can't do this. -Yes, you can. 1019 00:48:42,208 --> 00:48:45,458 Slowly walk backwards towards the edge of the wall. 1020 00:48:45,541 --> 00:48:49,458 -What? No. [whimpering] No, Josh. -Yeah. Come on. You're doing great. 1021 00:48:49,541 --> 00:48:51,291 [panicking] I don't like this. 1022 00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,958 -Oh God! -It's okay. It's okay. 1023 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000 -[Natalie whimpers] -Now, close your eyes. 1024 00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:57,791 [breathing heavily] 1025 00:48:57,875 --> 00:48:59,250 [Josh] Take a deep breath. 1026 00:49:01,333 --> 00:49:04,250 -[Natalie exhales deeply] -And release. 1027 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:05,958 [gasps] Oh! 1028 00:49:08,166 --> 00:49:09,750 [breath trembling] 1029 00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:12,583 Whoa! 1030 00:49:12,666 --> 00:49:16,041 Did you just jump? You really stuck the landing. 1031 00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:19,500 -What, that? -[Tag chuckles] 1032 00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:21,708 Yeah, you should see me on a real mountain. 1033 00:49:21,791 --> 00:49:23,416 -[Tag] Well, I'd like that. -Mm. 1034 00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:27,833 If you're not busy tomorrow morning, come meet me at Corbin Glen Park. 1035 00:49:27,916 --> 00:49:30,875 9:00 a.m.? And wear something comfortable. 1036 00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:32,375 It's a date. 1037 00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,291 All right. 1038 00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:40,791 ♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪ 1039 00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:42,666 [Owen] Lin family, let's go! 1040 00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:43,750 ♪ Peace on Earth ♪ 1041 00:49:43,833 --> 00:49:45,541 ♪ And mercy… ♪ 1042 00:49:45,625 --> 00:49:49,000 Owen seems psychotically into this. 1043 00:49:49,583 --> 00:49:51,916 -♪ Pray for your mercy! ♪ -♪ Reconcile ♪ 1044 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:53,791 -♪ Yeah! ♪ -♪ Reconcile ♪ 1045 00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:54,708 ♪ Yeah! ♪ 1046 00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:57,875 -You have no idea. -Proud voices! Loud voices! Come on! 1047 00:49:58,541 --> 00:50:03,208 -♪ Late in time behold him come ♪ -♪ Behold him come ♪ 1048 00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,583 ♪ Offspring of a virgin's womb! ♪ 1049 00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:10,750 ♪ Hark the highest, angels sing ♪ 1050 00:50:10,833 --> 00:50:13,833 ♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪ 1051 00:50:13,916 --> 00:50:15,166 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪ 1052 00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:17,916 -Did he just…? -Yup. 1053 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,500 ♪ Ooh, yeah! ♪ 1054 00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,625 -♪ Christ the everlasting Lord ♪ -You're off-key, Dad. 1055 00:50:21,708 --> 00:50:22,875 ♪ Everlasting Lord! ♪ 1056 00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:24,208 How much is too much? 1057 00:50:24,291 --> 00:50:26,000 ♪ …the herald angels sing ♪ 1058 00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:27,833 Other side, baby. It's your mark. 1059 00:50:27,916 --> 00:50:34,250 ♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, you're the king ♪ 1060 00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:37,166 ♪ …angels sing Hark the herald angels sing ♪ 1061 00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:39,375 [Owen] Quick finish, Grandma, don't mess it up! 1062 00:50:39,458 --> 00:50:42,708 ♪ Glory! Son of God! Oh, Jesus! ♪ 1063 00:50:42,791 --> 00:50:43,916 Jesus! 1064 00:50:45,958 --> 00:50:49,958 [Owen] Back by popular demand. Lin family carolers! 1065 00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:53,125 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Do we have any more requests? 1066 00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:56,250 -"Baby, It's Cold Outside"! -Yes! 1067 00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:59,666 [Bob] I think we can make that happen. Who wants to take the duet? 1068 00:50:59,750 --> 00:51:01,541 [Natalie] Big mystery there, Bob. 1069 00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,500 Natalie and I got this one, Dad. 1070 00:51:06,583 --> 00:51:07,750 [Bob] Huh? 1071 00:51:07,833 --> 00:51:09,541 -Wait, what? -Yup. 1072 00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,875 Uh. [laughing nervously] 1073 00:51:12,958 --> 00:51:16,208 Over my cold, dead, lifeless body. I'm not singing that. 1074 00:51:16,291 --> 00:51:18,541 That is, like, the sexual assault theme song. 1075 00:51:19,083 --> 00:51:21,666 Hey, bro, why don't you let me and Chels take this? 1076 00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:23,583 -Yeah. -[Owen] Don't think she knows the lyrics. 1077 00:51:23,666 --> 00:51:26,291 -I do know them. I just don't-- -She knows the lyrics. 1078 00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:27,416 We're good. 1079 00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:29,583 Josh, I-- [laughing nervously] 1080 00:51:29,666 --> 00:51:31,875 -This is what we're gonna do. -[Natalie] No! 1081 00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:33,291 You just do your part. 1082 00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:37,708 I will change my lyrics so the song doesn't sound so, uh, rape-y. 1083 00:51:38,416 --> 00:51:41,250 -[Owen throwing tantrum] -Fine, let's just get this over with. 1084 00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:43,291 Dad? Hit it. 1085 00:51:44,541 --> 00:51:46,458 ["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing] 1086 00:51:46,541 --> 00:51:48,166 -[Owen grunts] -[Chelsea screams] 1087 00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,250 [Owen] I'm okay. Okay. 1088 00:51:50,958 --> 00:51:52,875 ♪ I really can't stay ♪ 1089 00:51:52,958 --> 00:51:56,125 ♪ No problem there's the door ♪ 1090 00:51:56,208 --> 00:52:00,875 -♪ I've got to go away ♪ -♪ I hear ya, say no more ♪ 1091 00:52:00,958 --> 00:52:05,541 -♪ This evening has been… ♪ -Totally consensual. 1092 00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,708 ♪ …so very nice ♪ 1093 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:12,125 ♪ I hope you get home safe tonight ♪ 1094 00:52:12,208 --> 00:52:17,375 -♪ My mother will start to worry ♪ -♪ Here's my phone, give her a call ♪ 1095 00:52:17,458 --> 00:52:22,250 -♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪ -♪ Adíos, say no more ♪ 1096 00:52:22,333 --> 00:52:25,000 ♪ So really I'd better scurry ♪ 1097 00:52:25,083 --> 00:52:29,958 -♪ I've been saying that for a while ♪ -♪ Well, maybe just a half a drink more ♪ 1098 00:52:30,041 --> 00:52:32,250 ♪ Slow down, that's quite a pour ♪ 1099 00:52:32,333 --> 00:52:36,583 -♪ The neighbors might think ♪ -♪ It's just my old friend Troy ♪ 1100 00:52:36,666 --> 00:52:41,750 -♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪ -♪ It's just lemon LaCroix ♪ 1101 00:52:41,833 --> 00:52:43,958 ♪ I wish I knew how ♪ 1102 00:52:44,041 --> 00:52:47,541 -To take a hint? -♪ To break the spell ♪ 1103 00:52:47,625 --> 00:52:51,375 ♪ Do you know how to spell "farewell"? ♪ 1104 00:52:51,458 --> 00:52:56,333 -♪ I ought to say no, no, no ♪ -♪ I'll call you an Uber, they're close ♪ 1105 00:52:56,416 --> 00:53:01,083 -♪ At least, I'm gonna say that I tried ♪ -♪ I feel like you're not trying at all ♪ 1106 00:53:01,166 --> 00:53:04,666 -♪ I really can't stay ♪ -♪ Well, maybe just go out ♪ 1107 00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:11,750 -♪ 'Cause baby, it's cold outside ♪ -♪ Maybe just go outside ♪ 1108 00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:17,500 [all cheering, clapping] 1109 00:53:19,833 --> 00:53:23,166 -[Bob] Aw! What a duet! Terrific! -[Barb] What a beautiful voice, Natalie! 1110 00:53:23,250 --> 00:53:25,708 -Oh no. No, I don't. -It was wonderful! [laughing] 1111 00:53:25,791 --> 00:53:28,000 Okay, okay. I think… I think we should tell them. 1112 00:53:28,083 --> 00:53:30,666 -It's time to tell them. Let's tell them. -I think it's time. Okay. 1113 00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:33,458 -Can I have your attention? Please? -[Barb] So clever-- 1114 00:53:34,916 --> 00:53:39,500 Uh. You know, we… we were gonna wait to tell everyone the great news, but… 1115 00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:43,500 [chuckles] after hearing all this singing about babies, 1116 00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:46,458 we just got so darn excited, and, uh, 1117 00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:50,750 [inhales] uh, we just couldn't keep it to ourselves anymore. Um… 1118 00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:53,250 Mom? Dad? 1119 00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:57,333 -You're gonna be grandparents. -We're pregnant. 1120 00:53:58,041 --> 00:54:00,250 -[squealing] -Oh wow! 1121 00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,125 Oh, son! 1122 00:54:02,208 --> 00:54:05,791 Oh, come here, come here. Come on, come on, Grandma. 1123 00:54:05,875 --> 00:54:07,875 [indistinct chattering] 1124 00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:14,541 -[Barb] I'm so proud of you. -We gotta come up with some names. 1125 00:54:14,625 --> 00:54:15,625 [Owen] Mom! 1126 00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:17,375 This is gonna be so much fun. 1127 00:54:17,458 --> 00:54:20,416 We're gonna do the bedroom, we're gonna do the nursery room. 1128 00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958 -[indistinct chatter] -[Barb] Oh my-- 1129 00:54:23,041 --> 00:54:25,250 May I have everyone's attention, please? 1130 00:54:25,333 --> 00:54:28,125 May I… may I have everyone's attention, please? 1131 00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:33,041 Owen and Chelsea, I just wanna say congratulations. 1132 00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:39,125 Seeing you guys so happy in love and now pregnant. [chuckles] 1133 00:54:39,208 --> 00:54:41,750 I mean, it's a… it's a dream come true. 1134 00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,875 It's a dream I never dared to have for myself. 1135 00:54:44,958 --> 00:54:47,458 Finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. 1136 00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:50,291 It just didn't really seem to be in the cards… 1137 00:54:52,083 --> 00:54:53,291 until I met Natalie. 1138 00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:54,666 Hmm? 1139 00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:58,375 -[Barb gasps] -[Owen] Oh no. 1140 00:54:58,458 --> 00:54:59,291 [neighbors gasp] 1141 00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:00,541 What are you doing? 1142 00:55:01,583 --> 00:55:02,416 Get up. 1143 00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,625 Natalie. I… I know we haven't known each other for that long-- 1144 00:55:06,708 --> 00:55:08,291 No, we haven't. We really haven't. 1145 00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,833 But you know what they say. When you know, you know. 1146 00:55:12,916 --> 00:55:16,625 [laughing nervously] I'm serious. [straining] This is not funny. 1147 00:55:17,416 --> 00:55:18,250 Natalie Bauer. 1148 00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,833 Stop it. Get up. 1149 00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:21,333 -Will you marry me? -[Barb gasps] 1150 00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:22,541 Stop-- 1151 00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:24,041 He doesn't even have a ring. 1152 00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,833 Yeah, you don't have a ring. 1153 00:55:25,916 --> 00:55:29,333 [whispering] Say yes. Just say yes. Just say it. 1154 00:55:29,916 --> 00:55:30,750 Jesus Christ. 1155 00:55:30,833 --> 00:55:33,666 You can take mine. I don't have to be buried with it. 1156 00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:35,250 Oh, thank you, Grandma. 1157 00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:37,125 You're the best! 1158 00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,458 [chuckles nervously] 1159 00:55:38,541 --> 00:55:39,583 Natalie. 1160 00:55:40,458 --> 00:55:41,375 Will you? 1161 00:55:41,458 --> 00:55:43,625 [whispering] Come on. Everybody's looking at us. 1162 00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,291 -Say yes! -Yes! Yes! 1163 00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,000 [Josh whispering] Everyone's looking. Just say yes. 1164 00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:51,166 We're not getting any younger, dear. 1165 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,583 Yes. 1166 00:55:53,666 --> 00:55:55,041 -[all cheering] -She said yes! 1167 00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:56,625 [Bob] Oh my God! 1168 00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,458 -Oh my God. -[Barb] Oh my goodness! 1169 00:56:01,541 --> 00:56:03,083 Oh, it fits perfect! 1170 00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,541 -[Bob] Oh! -Oh! 1171 00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:09,041 You're making me the happiest boy-- We're the happiest family in town! 1172 00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:11,833 -[Barb] Welcome to the family, Natalie. -[Josh] Oh, thank you, Grandma. 1173 00:56:11,916 --> 00:56:14,291 -Oh! -[Owen] It's crazy! 1174 00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:17,125 [Josh] I'm the happiest man in town. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. 1175 00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:20,291 -[door closes] -Okay. I… I know you're mad, 1176 00:56:20,375 --> 00:56:22,916 but you told me to stand up for myself, and… and it worked! 1177 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,708 I told you to stand up, not get down on one knee! 1178 00:56:25,791 --> 00:56:27,833 This was not part of the plan. 1179 00:56:27,916 --> 00:56:29,875 I'm… I'm sorry. I got carried away in the moment. 1180 00:56:29,958 --> 00:56:32,458 But if you think about it, nothing's changed. 1181 00:56:32,541 --> 00:56:34,166 Nothing's changed? 1182 00:56:34,250 --> 00:56:35,958 Your grandma gave me her ring 1183 00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:37,541 [shouting] off of her finger! 1184 00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:39,458 Still, we just gotta make it through Christmas. 1185 00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:42,166 When you get back to LA, I just tell them we didn't work out. 1186 00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:45,833 And then I look like the asshole? Your family is gonna be crushed. 1187 00:56:45,916 --> 00:56:48,500 Don't worry. They're very used to me disappointing them. 1188 00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:51,208 What about Tag? I have a date with him tomorrow. 1189 00:56:51,291 --> 00:56:53,375 What if he finds out I'm engaged to my cousin? 1190 00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:56,166 He won't. I promise you that. Okay? 1191 00:56:56,250 --> 00:56:58,916 Everything will be fine. Just trust me. 1192 00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:01,666 Tr… trust you? [scoffs] 1193 00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:04,708 That is literally the one thing that I cannot do! 1194 00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:07,500 [Natalie] I even wore this stupid hat! 1195 00:57:07,583 --> 00:57:10,083 You wanted me to wear a hat. You're like, "It's cute." It's dumb! 1196 00:57:10,166 --> 00:57:12,666 [door opens] Now I'm apparently getting married! [door slams] 1197 00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:15,041 -[sighs deeply] -[Owen] I don't know about this Natalie. 1198 00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:17,875 If she wants to be in our family, I need to know who she is. 1199 00:57:17,958 --> 00:57:18,833 And I've been, 1200 00:57:18,916 --> 00:57:22,000 [chuckles] I've been searching for like an hour and nothing. 1201 00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,458 [clicks tongue] Not being Google-able is the modern equivalent 1202 00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:28,125 of driving a white, windowless van by a playground. 1203 00:57:28,875 --> 00:57:31,416 I went to prom in a white windowless van. 1204 00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:33,166 Huh? 1205 00:57:33,791 --> 00:57:35,625 I think you should just let it go. 1206 00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:39,083 I mean, she's not that bad, and Josh seems really into her. 1207 00:57:39,916 --> 00:57:43,791 Chels, the baby barely has a heartbeat, let alone ears. 1208 00:57:43,875 --> 00:57:46,291 Music prevents stretch marks, Owen. 1209 00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:47,708 [Kerry] Let me get this straight. 1210 00:57:47,791 --> 00:57:51,041 You're dating the real Tag, and you're engaged to the fake Tag? 1211 00:57:51,125 --> 00:57:51,958 Correct. 1212 00:57:52,041 --> 00:57:54,958 My God, honey, you are gonna make a therapist very wealthy one day. 1213 00:57:55,041 --> 00:57:56,666 [Natalie] This isn't funny, Ker! 1214 00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,541 I am so screwed! 1215 00:57:58,625 --> 00:58:01,000 [Kerry] All you have to do is make sure Tag and the Lins 1216 00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,541 don't find out anything before Christmas, and you're golden. 1217 00:58:03,625 --> 00:58:05,416 Just sit back, enjoy it. 1218 00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:06,875 [Natalie] I don't know, Ker. 1219 00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:09,208 I feel like this is gonna blow up in my face. 1220 00:58:09,291 --> 00:58:11,541 [Kerry] Honey, sometimes blow-ups can be a good thing. 1221 00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,666 You might not always get the ending you want, 1222 00:58:13,750 --> 00:58:15,416 but you'll get the ending you need. 1223 00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,666 -Worst case, you get a free diamond ring. -[call waiting beeps] 1224 00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:23,583 Oh. Hey… hey, Nat. Sweetie, I love you, but I gotta go. My sponsor's calling. 1225 00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,500 Bye, sweetie. Love you. 1226 00:58:25,583 --> 00:58:26,416 Hey. 1227 00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:28,458 Kerry? 1228 00:58:30,125 --> 00:58:30,958 [scoffs] 1229 00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:33,708 [shivering] 1230 00:58:34,958 --> 00:58:36,000 [Bob grunts] 1231 00:58:38,291 --> 00:58:39,458 Is everything okay? 1232 00:58:40,125 --> 00:58:44,083 Oh, uh, Natalie, can you please hand me my… my wrench? 1233 00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:45,916 [clicks tongue] Uh, yeah. 1234 00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:47,833 -Here. -[Bob] Thanks. 1235 00:58:48,333 --> 00:58:49,166 No problem. 1236 00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:51,500 [grunts] Got it. 1237 00:58:52,333 --> 00:58:53,333 Whew. 1238 00:58:54,291 --> 00:58:56,208 Damn flue always gets stuck. 1239 00:58:57,041 --> 00:58:57,958 [Bob exhales] 1240 00:58:59,125 --> 00:59:01,625 Oh, would you like to help me with kindling? 1241 00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:03,250 Sure. 1242 00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:05,333 [Bob grunts] 1243 00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:15,291 Just roll it lightly and scrunch. 1244 00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:16,958 [Bob chuckles] 1245 00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:21,041 Yeah, my dad didn't set fires unless there was an insurance claim involved. 1246 00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:23,208 Who's that? 1247 00:59:23,958 --> 00:59:24,875 Oh. 1248 00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,041 Oh, that's my dad. 1249 00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,708 Yeah. He passed a few years ago. 1250 00:59:29,791 --> 00:59:30,916 Oh, I'm… 1251 00:59:31,791 --> 00:59:33,125 -[Bob] Oh. -I'm sorry. 1252 00:59:34,083 --> 00:59:37,333 You know, that man loved two things in this world, 1253 00:59:37,416 --> 00:59:39,708 his family and Christmas. 1254 00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:43,166 He used to climb up on the roof every Christmas Eve and stomp around 1255 00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:45,291 so the boys knew Santa had arrived. 1256 00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,791 -He fell off one year and broke his arm. -[gasps] 1257 00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:52,208 But he told the boys he broke it, protecting their presents from the Grinch. 1258 00:59:52,291 --> 00:59:53,750 [both laugh] 1259 00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:58,166 He sounds like a great guy. 1260 00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:59,125 Yeah. 1261 01:00:00,375 --> 01:00:01,666 Hey, listen, um… 1262 01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,541 I just wanted you to know that 1263 01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:08,000 we're really happy to have you joining the family. 1264 01:00:12,791 --> 01:00:13,791 [exhales deeply] 1265 01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,833 Okay. Well, enough of that. [chuckles] 1266 01:00:17,916 --> 01:00:19,875 Ready to give this bad boy a go? 1267 01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:21,500 Sure. 1268 01:00:21,583 --> 01:00:22,708 [Bob chuckles] 1269 01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:27,625 Oh. Okay. All right. 1270 01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:29,083 [birds squawking] 1271 01:00:29,166 --> 01:00:32,000 [Natalie] This is the most beautiful hike I've ever been on. 1272 01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:33,458 [Tag] I'm glad you like it. 1273 01:00:33,958 --> 01:00:36,875 I used to come here every day with my golden retriever, Chewy. 1274 01:00:36,958 --> 01:00:38,666 He passed away last year, actually. 1275 01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,000 -I miss him every day. -Mm. 1276 01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,166 He would've liked this hike a lot… 1277 01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:44,125 Mm. 1278 01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:46,625 …and you. 1279 01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:54,958 [chuckles] 1280 01:00:55,625 --> 01:00:58,916 This has been nice. I haven't been on a hike date in years. 1281 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,833 Oh, this is not the date. It's just a warm-up. 1282 01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:05,875 -You ever been bobsledding before? -[rumbling] 1283 01:01:07,125 --> 01:01:09,000 I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Josh. 1284 01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:11,333 Okay. You just have to relax. 1285 01:01:11,416 --> 01:01:15,416 Relax? I can't relax. The tension is the only thing holding me together. 1286 01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,041 Put in your AirPods, and put on some music. 1287 01:01:18,125 --> 01:01:20,041 I don't know if I have them. 1288 01:01:22,291 --> 01:01:25,708 Actually, I think I have something even better. 1289 01:01:27,958 --> 01:01:30,958 Oh, um, E-Rock says "pass the dutch." 1290 01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:32,291 E-Rock? 1291 01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,666 When did he get out of jail? 1292 01:01:34,750 --> 01:01:37,458 [Tag whooping] 1293 01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,333 [screaming] Yeah! 1294 01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:43,458 [continues whooping] 1295 01:01:43,541 --> 01:01:46,083 How are you feeling back there, Natalie? 1296 01:01:46,166 --> 01:01:48,291 [Natalie spacey] Flying high back here. 1297 01:01:49,416 --> 01:01:51,416 [Tag whooping] 1298 01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:54,750 [door closes] 1299 01:01:54,833 --> 01:01:57,375 -[footsteps approaching] -[Natalie humming] 1300 01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:00,041 [Natalie sighs happily] 1301 01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:02,250 [scoffs] Glad you're not dead. 1302 01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:05,125 Oh! I've never felt more alive! 1303 01:02:06,625 --> 01:02:09,958 Not only did Tag ask me to dinner tomorrow night, 1304 01:02:10,458 --> 01:02:14,125 but I'm pretty sure I qualified for the winter Olympics in Beijing. [chuckles] 1305 01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:15,750 Oh! 1306 01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,333 [squeals] 1307 01:02:17,416 --> 01:02:18,958 For the first time, 1308 01:02:19,041 --> 01:02:21,791 I met someone who's as perfect in person 1309 01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:25,166 as they are on paper. [chuckles, moans] 1310 01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:28,791 I hate to break it to you, but Tag is actually far from being perfect. 1311 01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:32,458 In first grade, he had a lazy eye and needed to wear an eye patch. 1312 01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:35,125 [scoffs] Why are you being all weird? 1313 01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:38,416 I'm just trying to point out that in some cultures, 1314 01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:41,458 height and facial symmetry are repulsive. 1315 01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:45,708 [smacks lips] It's a good thing I'm not part of those cultures. 1316 01:02:45,791 --> 01:02:47,500 Whatcha doin' over here? 1317 01:02:47,583 --> 01:02:49,541 Just mixing some new scents. 1318 01:02:49,625 --> 01:02:51,166 [sniffing] Mmm. 1319 01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:54,000 Smells like freshly cut grass. 1320 01:02:54,583 --> 01:02:57,458 -Well, that one's called Lawn Mower. -[Natalie] Mm. 1321 01:02:58,125 --> 01:02:59,541 [inhales deeply] 1322 01:03:01,708 --> 01:03:04,208 Mmm. 1323 01:03:04,291 --> 01:03:05,416 Getting a feeling. 1324 01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,833 Bear with me. Um… [sniffs] 1325 01:03:07,916 --> 01:03:12,416 It's like a-- You know those [chuckles] blue-collar mechanics guys 1326 01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:16,083 with the tight shirts, that put in a hard day's work? 1327 01:03:16,166 --> 01:03:17,875 Jiffy Lube is what I'm calling it. 1328 01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:22,208 [smacks lips] You might want to rethink the names, but you did nail the scents. 1329 01:03:22,291 --> 01:03:23,875 Oh, sorry, that's just for me. 1330 01:03:23,958 --> 01:03:27,000 Ooh. Yeah, well, looks like now it's just for me. 1331 01:03:27,083 --> 01:03:28,375 [sniffing] Mmm! 1332 01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:31,125 Eucalyptus. I love eucalyptus. 1333 01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,500 And Old Spice. 1334 01:03:33,583 --> 01:03:37,791 And there's, like, a tiny little tinge of, hmm… gasoline? 1335 01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,208 What is this one? 1336 01:03:40,791 --> 01:03:41,791 Grandpa. 1337 01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:46,625 I started making candles because of him in the first place. 1338 01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:50,125 You know they say a scent can make a memory come alive. 1339 01:03:51,166 --> 01:03:52,333 So I made one of him. 1340 01:03:53,291 --> 01:03:54,208 It's lame, I know. 1341 01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:56,541 No. 1342 01:03:57,583 --> 01:03:58,708 It's not lame. 1343 01:04:00,041 --> 01:04:02,041 [soft piano music playing] 1344 01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,500 It's actually really sweet. 1345 01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:14,583 [Barb] Hey, guys, the movie's about to start! 1346 01:04:14,666 --> 01:04:16,041 [exhales] What movie? 1347 01:04:16,666 --> 01:04:18,791 The greatest Christmas movie of all time. 1348 01:04:20,166 --> 01:04:22,625 ["Silent Night" playing] 1349 01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:24,833 It's carol singers. 1350 01:04:24,916 --> 01:04:27,083 ♪ Holy night ♪ 1351 01:04:29,583 --> 01:04:31,125 [Grandma] I've seen him in something. 1352 01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,333 He's from Game of Thrones. 1353 01:04:35,208 --> 01:04:37,125 No, he's from that zombie show. 1354 01:04:37,208 --> 01:04:38,583 Walking Dead. 1355 01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,750 Ew. I hated that documentary. 1356 01:04:40,833 --> 01:04:42,833 Guys, come on. This is my favorite part. 1357 01:04:42,916 --> 01:04:46,500 ♪ …Mother and Child ♪ 1358 01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:47,666 Oh shoot. 1359 01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,333 -♪ Holy infant so… ♪ -[gasps] Oh! 1360 01:04:51,416 --> 01:04:55,375 Oh, look! It's going to print! Little lovebirds. 1361 01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:58,875 Your engagement announcement. It's gonna be in the Gazette tomorrow. 1362 01:05:00,083 --> 01:05:01,583 ["Blood On My Hands" playing] 1363 01:05:01,666 --> 01:05:05,291 ♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪ 1364 01:05:07,041 --> 01:05:10,416 ♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪ 1365 01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,541 -[dog barking] -[Natalie laughing] 1366 01:05:12,625 --> 01:05:15,958 -♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪ -[car remote beeping] 1367 01:05:16,041 --> 01:05:18,125 ♪ Say you wanna ride, better buckle up ♪ 1368 01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,500 -♪ Yeah, you say you ride or die… ♪ -[Josh] Get in! Get in! 1369 01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:23,541 ♪ Yeah, you really 'bouta lie Pump, pump it up ♪ 1370 01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:24,583 ♪ Cuz we been… ♪ 1371 01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:26,541 You can run, but you can't hide! 1372 01:05:26,625 --> 01:05:27,791 ♪ Say you wanna ride… ♪ 1373 01:05:27,875 --> 01:05:29,875 Oh shit. Stay down. Stay down. 1374 01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,833 ♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪ 1375 01:05:32,916 --> 01:05:35,041 -[panting] He's gone. -Are you sure? 1376 01:05:38,625 --> 01:05:42,083 I'm pretty sure that paperboy is gonna get fired over this. 1377 01:05:42,166 --> 01:05:45,333 -I'll give him a job at the store. -Oh, well, I hope he likes to travel. 1378 01:05:45,416 --> 01:05:47,500 -That's an upgrade, I'd say. -[chuckles] 1379 01:05:47,583 --> 01:05:50,666 [Josh] Okay. This is the last street. I think we got all of it. 1380 01:05:50,750 --> 01:05:52,625 Oh my God. [laughing] 1381 01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,416 I mean, I… I look like a deer in the headlights in this photo. 1382 01:05:55,500 --> 01:05:58,625 -[Josh] No, you don't. [breathing heavily] -Yes, I do. 1383 01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:00,625 It's a pretty decent photo of you, though. 1384 01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,125 Look at that. 1385 01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:04,041 Probably the only one in existence. 1386 01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,083 [scoffs] Come on, Josh. 1387 01:06:06,166 --> 01:06:08,541 I know a lot of girls who'd be very into you. 1388 01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,708 Well, they're definitely not on FlirtAlert. 1389 01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:18,041 Do you still have your original profile photos? 1390 01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,416 -Oh my God, you do. -No. 1391 01:06:21,500 --> 01:06:22,416 Come on, show me. 1392 01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,625 -I deleted the whole thing. -[Natalie] No, you didn't. 1393 01:06:24,708 --> 01:06:25,625 Please? 1394 01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:27,125 -No. No. -I know you. I know you. 1395 01:06:27,208 --> 01:06:29,041 -Okay. Okay. -Show me the photos! 1396 01:06:29,125 --> 01:06:31,291 [Josh exhales, sighs] 1397 01:06:33,958 --> 01:06:35,083 [giggles] 1398 01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,416 Dude. You're holding an ax. You literally look like an ax murderer. 1399 01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:42,916 I was going for, like, a rugged look. 1400 01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:43,833 Okay. 1401 01:06:44,541 --> 01:06:45,375 [Natalie chuckles] 1402 01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:49,458 What? Who doesn't like a bathroom selfie? I looked kind of cut that day. Look. 1403 01:06:49,541 --> 01:06:52,833 No one loves a bathroom selfie! Also, why are you holding a wrench? 1404 01:06:52,916 --> 01:06:56,583 I was fixing the toilet downstairs. Girls like guys who fix things. 1405 01:06:58,166 --> 01:06:59,125 [Natalie snickers] 1406 01:06:59,625 --> 01:07:00,458 [Josh] What? 1407 01:07:00,541 --> 01:07:02,666 Okay, okay. Come here. Come here. 1408 01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:07,250 Let's recap for a second. You're holding a wrench, an ax, and some rope. 1409 01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:09,125 Were you actually trying to find a girlfriend 1410 01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:11,458 or the person who murdered Colonel Mustard in the library? 1411 01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:18,125 No wonder you only got three matches. You were hiding your strengths. 1412 01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:20,666 And what strengths are those? 1413 01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:23,875 Well. [clears throat] 1414 01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:27,875 For one, you have very nice eyes. 1415 01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:31,250 You gotta show those puppies off. 1416 01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:35,875 And those teeth. 1417 01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,250 You have really straight teeth. 1418 01:07:40,250 --> 01:07:42,083 They're freakishly straight. 1419 01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:43,583 Well, five years of braces. 1420 01:07:43,666 --> 01:07:45,875 -So then smile more! -[touching music playing] 1421 01:07:45,958 --> 01:07:47,041 [sighs] 1422 01:07:47,125 --> 01:07:48,875 There you go. [chuckles] 1423 01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:50,500 -[laughing] -There it is. 1424 01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:53,666 I'm kidding. [giggles] 1425 01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:58,541 But more importantly, you're a good guy, Josh. 1426 01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:03,208 Well, I don't know how to show that in a photo. 1427 01:08:04,916 --> 01:08:08,458 Well, for starters, you have to believe that it's true. 1428 01:08:09,458 --> 01:08:10,666 And then, once you do, 1429 01:08:11,541 --> 01:08:12,791 trust me, 1430 01:08:13,666 --> 01:08:14,625 it'll show. 1431 01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:18,333 [touching music continues] 1432 01:08:21,791 --> 01:08:23,875 Promise me that when this is all over, 1433 01:08:25,083 --> 01:08:28,041 you'll put up an honest profile with real photos 1434 01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,333 that show the real you. 1435 01:08:32,625 --> 01:08:33,625 I promise. 1436 01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:40,458 -[knocking on window] -I know you're in there, you mofos. 1437 01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:41,541 I can see the steam! 1438 01:08:41,625 --> 01:08:43,125 Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go! 1439 01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:48,125 Sure you don't want to stay the night? We're making a gingerbread house. 1440 01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:50,166 [Natalie] I told Tag I'd meet him at eight. 1441 01:08:50,750 --> 01:08:51,625 Hmm. 1442 01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:53,541 [Natalie] Okay. So? 1443 01:08:54,916 --> 01:08:55,875 What do you think? 1444 01:08:58,208 --> 01:08:59,166 Wow. 1445 01:08:59,250 --> 01:09:02,625 I know. I-- It's the best I could find in your mom's closet. 1446 01:09:02,708 --> 01:09:06,291 But I did have to make a couple of alterations. I hope she doesn't mind. 1447 01:09:06,916 --> 01:09:08,583 No. You look… 1448 01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:12,083 perfect. 1449 01:09:12,166 --> 01:09:13,666 [scoffs] Okay. 1450 01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,250 No need to oversell it. 1451 01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:24,875 -So, where are you guys going tonight? -[smacks lips] Um… Abbott's, I think. 1452 01:09:24,958 --> 01:09:28,208 -You know that's a steakhouse, right? -Yeah. His parents own it. 1453 01:09:28,291 --> 01:09:30,083 Right, and you're vegetarian, 1454 01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:32,250 but Tag's a real meat-and-potatoes type of guy, 1455 01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:34,166 and he likes his girls the same way. 1456 01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,250 Okay, so I'll eat a potato. 1457 01:09:38,625 --> 01:09:41,000 Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat. 1458 01:09:41,666 --> 01:09:44,333 Yeah, don't you think this is going a little too far? 1459 01:09:45,666 --> 01:09:46,541 No. 1460 01:09:46,625 --> 01:09:50,125 Okay. Pretending to like rock climbing or a book, that's one thing. 1461 01:09:50,208 --> 01:09:52,083 But now you're compromising your beliefs. 1462 01:09:52,166 --> 01:09:56,208 Okay, relax. It's not like I'm opening up a slaughterhouse. 1463 01:09:56,291 --> 01:10:01,250 Well, it's meat today, but then what are you going to lie about tomorrow? 1464 01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:04,375 I'm… I'm sorry. [scoffs] Lie? 1465 01:10:05,291 --> 01:10:09,250 Let's not forget the only reason I'm here is because you lied. 1466 01:10:09,333 --> 01:10:11,375 -I lied about a photo. -[Natalie] No. 1467 01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:15,083 You hid behind a photo. You lied about your identity. 1468 01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,000 But it was still me. 1469 01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:20,750 Every conversation we had, every text we exchanged, 1470 01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,208 every laugh we shared. 1471 01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,000 It was me. 1472 01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,041 You liked me. 1473 01:10:26,666 --> 01:10:27,958 And you like me so much, 1474 01:10:28,041 --> 01:10:31,708 you flew across the country to surprise me for Christmas. 1475 01:10:31,791 --> 01:10:33,583 You're right. I liked you. 1476 01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:35,583 But you were a lie. 1477 01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:37,208 A piece of fiction. 1478 01:10:49,166 --> 01:10:50,333 [inhales] 1479 01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:54,833 [soft music playing] 1480 01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:07,750 Good evening. Any questions on the menu? 1481 01:11:07,833 --> 01:11:09,583 I will have the porterhouse. 1482 01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,666 And how would you like that cooked? 1483 01:11:11,750 --> 01:11:15,208 You know me. So rare, a good vet could bring it back to life. 1484 01:11:15,291 --> 01:11:18,000 [laughing uncomfortably] 1485 01:11:18,791 --> 01:11:22,041 [Barb] Josh, I'm sorry that Natalie couldn't be with us tonight. 1486 01:11:22,125 --> 01:11:23,041 Where is she? 1487 01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,000 Uh, Abbott's. 1488 01:11:26,125 --> 01:11:27,500 [Grandma] What's she doing there? 1489 01:11:28,333 --> 01:11:32,833 Uh, she's just… uh… uh… sampling the menu, uh, for the wedding meal. 1490 01:11:32,916 --> 01:11:34,166 [Grandma, Barb] Mm. 1491 01:11:34,250 --> 01:11:36,375 Isn't that something you do together? 1492 01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625 No, it doesn't matter what I like. 1493 01:11:39,708 --> 01:11:42,416 You know, as long as she's happy, I'm happy. 1494 01:11:44,875 --> 01:11:46,875 Ah crap. I'm out of Twizzlers. 1495 01:11:46,958 --> 01:11:49,958 How can I build my beautiful roof without Twizzlers? 1496 01:11:50,041 --> 01:11:51,583 I'm gonna head to the store real quick. 1497 01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:54,958 Uh, and I'll be right back. Anyone need anything? No? No? Okay. 1498 01:11:58,875 --> 01:12:00,916 So, um, what do you think of the place? 1499 01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:03,166 [smacks lips, sighs] It's really something. 1500 01:12:03,791 --> 01:12:06,750 You can see Bambi without actually going to Disney World. 1501 01:12:06,833 --> 01:12:08,375 You know, I shot that one, actually. 1502 01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,916 -Wow. -Yeah. 1503 01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,958 ["Santa Knows Your Secrets" by Night Heart playing] 1504 01:12:14,041 --> 01:12:16,583 ♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪ 1505 01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,333 ♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪ 1506 01:12:24,625 --> 01:12:29,208 [Tag] Okay, so you like pizza, rock climbing, and Thoreau. 1507 01:12:29,291 --> 01:12:30,875 -Mm-hmm. -[Tag] What else do you like? 1508 01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:33,083 [smacks lips] Movies. 1509 01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,708 Specifically, Die Hard. 1510 01:12:34,791 --> 01:12:38,125 It is the greatest Christmas movie of all time. 1511 01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,416 Well, cheers to that. 1512 01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:48,375 [Natalie] I totally love Christmas, 1513 01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,875 but Santa's actually kind of creepy when you think about it. 1514 01:12:50,958 --> 01:12:53,291 He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. 1515 01:12:53,375 --> 01:12:55,958 He always makes you sit on his lap. 1516 01:12:56,041 --> 01:12:57,958 Yep. Totally agree. 1517 01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,958 I mean, that guy is everything that's wrong with Christmas. 1518 01:13:01,041 --> 01:13:02,833 It's pretty much why I don't celebrate it. 1519 01:13:02,916 --> 01:13:05,083 [laughing] 1520 01:13:06,625 --> 01:13:09,458 Oh, you're serious? You don't celebrate Christmas? 1521 01:13:09,541 --> 01:13:10,375 No. 1522 01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:12,125 Stopped three years ago. 1523 01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:16,333 -Why? -Because it's a total scam. 1524 01:13:16,916 --> 01:13:17,875 Okay. 1525 01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:20,041 Really? [softly] Okay. 1526 01:13:20,875 --> 01:13:22,750 [Natalie] Oh, uh, don't pull up to the house. 1527 01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:24,291 -Everyone's sleeping. -[Tag] Okay. 1528 01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:26,958 [Natalie] No offense, but your car is a little loud. 1529 01:13:27,875 --> 01:13:29,000 [Tag scoffs] 1530 01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:30,916 Okay. 1531 01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:33,583 Well, I had a really nice evening. 1532 01:13:34,750 --> 01:13:35,750 I did too. 1533 01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:37,833 Thank you. 1534 01:13:55,333 --> 01:13:57,500 Thank you. Um… 1535 01:13:58,833 --> 01:13:59,666 Good night. 1536 01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:01,666 Good night. 1537 01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:05,500 [door closes] 1538 01:14:06,625 --> 01:14:08,916 [engine revving] 1539 01:14:14,416 --> 01:14:15,500 [sighs] 1540 01:14:17,125 --> 01:14:18,916 [soft guitar strumming] 1541 01:14:39,375 --> 01:14:40,625 [Natalie groaning] 1542 01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:43,250 There's cereal in there. 1543 01:14:48,125 --> 01:14:51,250 Hey, Josh, listen. About what I said last night, I-- 1544 01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:53,125 Look, you don't have to say anything. 1545 01:14:53,208 --> 01:14:54,541 No, I want to. 1546 01:14:55,375 --> 01:14:56,916 -[Grandma] Hey, kids. -I shouldn't have-- 1547 01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:00,166 I need your help. Go get dressed, and meet me at the car. 1548 01:15:00,250 --> 01:15:01,208 Where are we going? 1549 01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:03,041 Shimmering Pines. 1550 01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:07,375 Come on, Grandma. Just ask Mom to help. Okay? She loves that place. 1551 01:15:07,458 --> 01:15:09,708 I don't need your mom. I need you. 1552 01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:10,958 [chattering] 1553 01:15:11,041 --> 01:15:14,500 We're starting now. We're going to start now, everyone. 1554 01:15:14,583 --> 01:15:16,750 We're going to be starting now. 1555 01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,666 Many of you've expressed interest in online dating. 1556 01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:23,208 Well, I've brought you two experts. 1557 01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:28,125 My grandson, Josh, and his fiancée Natalie. 1558 01:15:28,208 --> 01:15:29,458 [woman] Oh. 1559 01:15:29,541 --> 01:15:33,166 They actually met online and now are engaged. 1560 01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:34,250 [group exclaiming] 1561 01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:37,000 [Grandma] So, who better to come and talk to you about 1562 01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:39,333 the dos and don'ts of online dating? 1563 01:15:40,416 --> 01:15:41,916 Any questions? 1564 01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:43,833 How do I make it clear 1565 01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:46,541 that I'm not looking for anything long-term? 1566 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,583 [group] Yeah. 1567 01:15:47,666 --> 01:15:50,000 Um… I… I think that might be implied. 1568 01:15:50,083 --> 01:15:54,208 Do I have to mention my Parkinson's? 1569 01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:57,333 I think being honest is always a good idea. 1570 01:15:57,416 --> 01:16:01,416 -[woman] Oh. -What if I spruce it up just a little bit? 1571 01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,458 Instead of "has Parkinson's," 1572 01:16:04,541 --> 01:16:06,291 I go with, uh, 1573 01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:08,833 "Always on the move." 1574 01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,333 -[group chuckling] -Ooh, that's a good idea! I like that. 1575 01:16:11,416 --> 01:16:14,166 I want to avoid mentioning that I'm in a wheelchair. 1576 01:16:14,250 --> 01:16:17,958 Then just change it. Say, "I enjoy rolling with my homies." 1577 01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:20,083 -Yeah! That's good. -Oh, that sounds really good! 1578 01:16:20,166 --> 01:16:22,583 Guys, I… I think you guys got the wrong idea. 1579 01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:26,875 And will the fact that I live in a nursing home turn off a lot of men? 1580 01:16:26,958 --> 01:16:29,000 -[Josh] Uh. -Not necessarily. 1581 01:16:29,083 --> 01:16:32,041 Just say, "Into the group thing." 1582 01:16:32,125 --> 01:16:33,583 [group exclaiming] 1583 01:16:33,666 --> 01:16:38,583 And then Hank there would prefer staying in over going out. 1584 01:16:38,666 --> 01:16:41,500 [group laughing, chattering] 1585 01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,708 Stop. Stop. [spluttering] Everyone just stop. 1586 01:16:46,791 --> 01:16:48,041 [group quiets] 1587 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,583 [Josh] I… I get it. 1588 01:16:50,666 --> 01:16:53,125 I… I really, really do. 1589 01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:56,125 You wanna put your best foot forward. 1590 01:16:57,208 --> 01:17:01,083 You lived a full, vibrant life, and you're a good person. 1591 01:17:01,666 --> 01:17:04,500 Traveled the world, fought in a war. 1592 01:17:05,083 --> 01:17:07,083 And Gladys, you met Sinatra. 1593 01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,500 I heard about your night at the Flamingo. 1594 01:17:09,583 --> 01:17:10,416 [sighs] 1595 01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:16,833 But then the insecurities creep in, and you start with a slight exaggeration. 1596 01:17:18,041 --> 01:17:20,666 Still you, just a shinier version. 1597 01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,458 But… you like it. 1598 01:17:24,666 --> 01:17:26,833 So you tweak it just a little more 1599 01:17:28,375 --> 01:17:32,291 until the real you, which was probably pretty great to begin with, 1600 01:17:33,291 --> 01:17:35,333 is unrecognizable. 1601 01:17:35,833 --> 01:17:37,333 [somber music playing] 1602 01:17:38,166 --> 01:17:39,250 But here's the thing. 1603 01:17:40,833 --> 01:17:42,500 You're not just fooling yourself. 1604 01:17:43,666 --> 01:17:46,666 There's someone else on the other side of that lie 1605 01:17:47,416 --> 01:17:51,000 falling in love with a version of you that doesn't exist. 1606 01:17:52,875 --> 01:17:54,750 And that's not fair 1607 01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:58,833 because the only way it ends for them is disappointment. 1608 01:17:59,833 --> 01:18:01,458 And the only way it ends for you 1609 01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:03,833 is heartbreak. 1610 01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,833 If I've learned anything, 1611 01:18:09,916 --> 01:18:12,791 it's that love doesn't have to be perfect. 1612 01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,958 It just has to be honest. 1613 01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,625 -Is "curvy" spelled with a Y or an EY? -[man] There's no E. 1614 01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:32,125 [indistinct chattering] 1615 01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,500 I guess I never realized. I was so busy being mad at you 1616 01:18:40,583 --> 01:18:44,333 that I… I never stopped to think about why you actually did it. 1617 01:18:44,416 --> 01:18:45,833 Look. Natalie, 1618 01:18:45,916 --> 01:18:48,458 the… the why doesn't even matter anymore. 1619 01:18:48,541 --> 01:18:51,708 It was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you to lie in the first place. 1620 01:18:51,791 --> 01:18:55,333 And I'm just gonna go to my family and come clean with everything. 1621 01:18:55,416 --> 01:18:58,083 Wait, what? No. No, no, no, no. You can't do that. 1622 01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,541 Josh, this isn't all your fault. I mean… 1623 01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:04,250 Besides, a deal's a deal. We've made it this far. 1624 01:19:04,333 --> 01:19:08,291 It's only two days till Christmas. Let's stage a breakup like we planned. 1625 01:19:08,958 --> 01:19:10,500 Don't worry, I'll sell it. 1626 01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:13,000 I don't know. It… it doesn't feel right. 1627 01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:16,166 Grandma, the car's that way! 1628 01:19:16,791 --> 01:19:18,750 Grandma! That's the wrong way! 1629 01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:20,125 Wait up! 1630 01:19:20,875 --> 01:19:23,083 Grandma, where are you going? 1631 01:19:24,666 --> 01:19:28,416 -[woman whispers] Here they come. -[all] Surprise! 1632 01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,291 [Owen] Hey, guys! 1633 01:19:32,666 --> 01:19:36,916 Oh, we are so excited to have you join the family! 1634 01:19:37,541 --> 01:19:38,458 [exhales] 1635 01:19:39,166 --> 01:19:43,625 Your parents threw us a surprise engagement party? Here? 1636 01:19:43,708 --> 01:19:45,750 Yeah. Not ideal. 1637 01:19:47,333 --> 01:19:48,625 [Bob] Let's party! 1638 01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:52,791 -Hi. -Hey. 1639 01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:54,125 What are you doing here? 1640 01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:57,833 Your aunt asked if we could throw a surprise engagement party for Josh here. 1641 01:19:57,916 --> 01:19:59,875 -I figured it's the least I could do. -Oh. 1642 01:19:59,958 --> 01:20:02,041 Where's the bride-to-be anyway? I haven't met her yet. 1643 01:20:02,125 --> 01:20:03,458 She's doing the rounds. 1644 01:20:03,541 --> 01:20:06,583 -Congratulations, dear. -Thank you. You look hungry. 1645 01:20:06,666 --> 01:20:08,500 Why did he just congratulate you? 1646 01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:11,500 -Oh. You didn't hear? -Uh-uh. 1647 01:20:11,583 --> 01:20:14,541 I was the millionth customer at the Supermart. Hmm. 1648 01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,458 -Huh? -Free non-perishables for life. 1649 01:20:16,541 --> 01:20:17,625 -Wow! -Yeah, lucky me! 1650 01:20:17,708 --> 01:20:20,291 -I know a great charity that-- -Do you know where the coat check is? 1651 01:20:20,375 --> 01:20:22,666 -Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh-huh. -Do you mind taking that for me? 1652 01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:24,958 -Thank you so much. -You… you look great, by the way. 1653 01:20:25,041 --> 01:20:27,250 Thanks. [sighs] 1654 01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,208 Hors d'oeuvres? 1655 01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,750 [Eric] J-Dog! Congrats, my man! 1656 01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:37,000 E-Rock! My mom really did invite everybody in town. Huh? 1657 01:20:37,083 --> 01:20:41,125 Well, actually, I was just dropping off your, uh, your lady's suitcase. 1658 01:20:41,208 --> 01:20:44,250 There's so much nice underwear in there. You're a lucky guy. 1659 01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,666 I gotta say I'm surprised. [clears throat] 1660 01:20:48,750 --> 01:20:49,791 Lee? 1661 01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:53,625 -I didn't think it was gonna work out. -How… how… are you here? 1662 01:20:53,708 --> 01:20:56,208 Duh, first class, honey. I'm not a peasant. 1663 01:20:56,291 --> 01:20:57,500 No, I… I mean, um-- 1664 01:20:57,583 --> 01:21:00,416 Listen, you're not the only one that can stalk people on the internet. 1665 01:21:00,500 --> 01:21:05,000 I found out about this little soirée courtesy of Barb's Facebook page. Hello! 1666 01:21:05,083 --> 01:21:07,500 [breathing heavily] 1667 01:21:08,958 --> 01:21:10,583 Hey, how's it going? 1668 01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:13,208 So, Tag and Lee are here. 1669 01:21:13,291 --> 01:21:16,458 -Lee? Are you dating two guys now? -No, he's my boss. 1670 01:21:16,541 --> 01:21:18,250 What? Why is he here? 1671 01:21:18,333 --> 01:21:19,583 Because God hates me. 1672 01:21:21,583 --> 01:21:23,083 Glenlivet 12, neat. 1673 01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,666 That's a man who knows how to drink. 1674 01:21:26,250 --> 01:21:29,791 Just act natural. We'll figure a way out. We just got to stick together. Okay? 1675 01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:32,750 Hey, babe. I want to introduce you to my parents. 1676 01:21:32,833 --> 01:21:33,833 I'm out. 1677 01:21:33,916 --> 01:21:35,458 What brings you here? 1678 01:21:35,541 --> 01:21:36,875 I'm Natalie's boss. 1679 01:21:38,375 --> 01:21:39,666 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 1680 01:21:40,291 --> 01:21:41,166 Tell me more. 1681 01:21:41,250 --> 01:21:43,416 Mom, Dad, this is Natalie. 1682 01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:44,416 -Hello. -Hi. 1683 01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:46,208 -Hi. -Tag's told us so much about you. 1684 01:21:46,291 --> 01:21:48,666 He never says anything about his girlfriends, so… 1685 01:21:48,750 --> 01:21:49,833 Dad, come on. 1686 01:21:49,916 --> 01:21:52,958 Girlfriend. Wow. It's… it's so, so nice to meet you. 1687 01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:56,166 [breathlessly] I think I'm just gonna go use the ladies' room. 1688 01:21:57,458 --> 01:21:59,291 Hey, not so fast. We need to talk. 1689 01:21:59,375 --> 01:22:02,333 -I'm kind of busy, Owen. -Oh, talking to your lover, Tag? 1690 01:22:02,416 --> 01:22:06,416 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you two here last night looking pretty damn cozy. 1691 01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:08,875 Okay, it's not… it's not what you think. 1692 01:22:08,958 --> 01:22:11,708 Ah, that's funny, because I didn't know what to think 1693 01:22:11,791 --> 01:22:14,083 until I spoke to your boss a few seconds ago, 1694 01:22:14,166 --> 01:22:15,916 and now it all makes sense. 1695 01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:17,458 Okay, look, I… I can explain. 1696 01:22:17,541 --> 01:22:19,041 -So the thing is-- -La-la-la-la… 1697 01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:23,166 I don't want to hear it. I just want you to stop this charade with my brother. 1698 01:22:25,750 --> 01:22:27,333 Two glasses of Veuve, please. 1699 01:22:27,416 --> 01:22:29,916 -Tag, [burps] what's going on, bro? -What's up, E? 1700 01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,291 Can you believe that J-Dog is getting married? 1701 01:22:32,375 --> 01:22:34,666 -Chick's pretty cool too. -I haven't met her yet. 1702 01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:35,958 Well, she's right there. 1703 01:22:36,458 --> 01:22:37,833 Dude, that's his cousin. 1704 01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:41,541 I don't judge. You love who you love. 1705 01:22:41,625 --> 01:22:42,500 No. You know wh-- 1706 01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,541 Why should I believe what comes out of your mouth? 1707 01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:46,916 -Are you serious-- -Hey! Everything okay here? 1708 01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,041 -No! -Yes. 1709 01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:53,083 Natalie, she didn't come to New York for love. She came here for a story. 1710 01:22:53,166 --> 01:22:55,083 She's been playing you since day one, bro. 1711 01:22:55,166 --> 01:22:58,666 She's a writer for a Disaster Date column, and you're not her fiancé. 1712 01:22:58,750 --> 01:23:00,166 You are her subject. 1713 01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:02,375 -Don't-- -Wait. What? Nat. 1714 01:23:02,458 --> 01:23:03,625 What is he talking about? 1715 01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:07,666 [Bob] Could I have everyone's attention? 1716 01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:09,000 [sighs] 1717 01:23:09,791 --> 01:23:12,458 I'm not one for speeches, so I'll keep this quick. 1718 01:23:13,083 --> 01:23:13,916 Uh… 1719 01:23:14,416 --> 01:23:15,458 Josh. 1720 01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:19,666 I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye on things, 1721 01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:22,333 but you're a good kid with a big heart, 1722 01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:27,708 and after spending, uh, the last week with your beautiful bride-to-be, 1723 01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,958 I think the whole family agrees that you've picked a winner! 1724 01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:34,083 I couldn't be happier for you, son. 1725 01:23:34,166 --> 01:23:37,958 So let's all raise a glass to future Mr. and Mrs. Lin, 1726 01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,833 -Josh and-- -No! 1727 01:23:43,541 --> 01:23:45,000 Not yet. Um… 1728 01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:46,208 Uh… 1729 01:23:46,833 --> 01:23:50,250 [Natalie] We can't cheers before all the speeches are done. 1730 01:23:50,333 --> 01:23:55,958 I mean, I'd like to add to your beautiful, beautiful speech 1731 01:23:56,041 --> 01:23:59,166 with my own speech. 1732 01:23:59,750 --> 01:24:01,250 A speech sequel, per se, 1733 01:24:02,833 --> 01:24:06,166 about, um, love, and, uh, Josh, 1734 01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,166 and… 1735 01:24:09,166 --> 01:24:10,833 [breathing heavily] 1736 01:24:11,541 --> 01:24:13,250 -[man] And? -[crowd murmuring] 1737 01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:16,375 …dishonesty. 1738 01:24:17,958 --> 01:24:19,458 Because that's what I've been, 1739 01:24:20,416 --> 01:24:21,333 dishonest 1740 01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:25,041 with Josh, and the Lins, 1741 01:24:25,708 --> 01:24:26,875 Tag, 1742 01:24:26,958 --> 01:24:28,125 everyone, really. I-- 1743 01:24:29,083 --> 01:24:29,916 [Natalie sighs] 1744 01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:32,875 [whispers] Here it goes. 1745 01:24:33,375 --> 01:24:35,916 [inhales] Four weeks ago, I met a guy online. 1746 01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:40,916 He was smart, funny, sweet, and he looked like him. 1747 01:24:42,416 --> 01:24:45,458 So, I decided to come here and surprise him for Christmas. 1748 01:24:46,875 --> 01:24:48,958 But when I got here, I realized that the guy 1749 01:24:49,041 --> 01:24:51,708 I was really talking to was him. 1750 01:24:53,416 --> 01:24:54,541 I got catfished, 1751 01:24:55,291 --> 01:24:56,458 and I was furious. 1752 01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:01,208 But Josh told me that he would help get me Tag 1753 01:25:01,291 --> 01:25:04,166 if I pretended to be his girlfriend for the holidays. 1754 01:25:04,250 --> 01:25:05,458 And I honestly just-- 1755 01:25:05,541 --> 01:25:08,625 I… I thought that my perfect match was here, 1756 01:25:08,708 --> 01:25:11,916 so I agreed, and I pretended to be someone that I'm not, but… 1757 01:25:12,750 --> 01:25:15,083 [exhales] I just wanted my happy ending. 1758 01:25:16,875 --> 01:25:17,750 [scoffs] 1759 01:25:18,250 --> 01:25:21,083 [Natalie] But I can't do it anymore. I… I… I can't lie. 1760 01:25:21,166 --> 01:25:22,916 I just can't, I'm sorry. I… 1761 01:25:25,166 --> 01:25:26,583 I'm so sorry. 1762 01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:32,416 Do you even climb? 1763 01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,708 What about Thoreau? 1764 01:25:36,708 --> 01:25:37,750 I hate him. 1765 01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:39,458 Bobsledding? 1766 01:25:40,041 --> 01:25:42,416 I literally had to get stoned to get through it. 1767 01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,333 [chuckles] Yeah. Now, that's my girl. 1768 01:25:46,333 --> 01:25:51,083 [Tag] Okay, so… so you got mad at Josh for catfishing you, 1769 01:25:51,166 --> 01:25:53,625 and then you go and do the exact same thing to me. 1770 01:25:54,208 --> 01:25:55,958 [breath trembling] 1771 01:25:59,791 --> 01:26:01,000 Congratulations. 1772 01:26:05,333 --> 01:26:06,708 And… and by the way, 1773 01:26:07,291 --> 01:26:09,541 Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. 1774 01:26:09,625 --> 01:26:10,958 -[gasps] -[Tag] Yeah. 1775 01:26:12,541 --> 01:26:14,458 [crowd murmuring] 1776 01:26:14,541 --> 01:26:15,416 [door opens] 1777 01:26:17,250 --> 01:26:20,458 Okay, all right, show's over. Nothing to see here, all right? 1778 01:26:20,541 --> 01:26:21,625 Okay? All right? 1779 01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:25,875 All right. Time to go home. Stop looking at my brother. 1780 01:26:26,708 --> 01:26:28,708 ["Read My Mind" by Golda May playing] 1781 01:26:28,791 --> 01:26:33,083 ♪ On the corner of Main Street ♪ 1782 01:26:33,166 --> 01:26:37,291 ♪ Just tryna keep it in line ♪ 1783 01:26:37,958 --> 01:26:42,541 ♪ You say you wanna move on and ♪ 1784 01:26:42,625 --> 01:26:45,208 ♪ You say I'm fallin' behind ♪ 1785 01:26:45,291 --> 01:26:49,041 ♪ Can you read my mind? ♪ 1786 01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:53,125 [sighs] 1787 01:26:54,375 --> 01:26:59,916 ♪ Can you read my mind? ♪ 1788 01:27:06,125 --> 01:27:10,125 ♪ I never really gave up on ♪ 1789 01:27:11,083 --> 01:27:15,041 ♪ Breakin' out of this two-star town ♪ 1790 01:27:15,583 --> 01:27:19,958 ♪ I got the green light I got a little fight ♪ 1791 01:27:20,041 --> 01:27:24,083 [Natalie] A passion whose flame fails to be fanned eventually burns out. 1792 01:27:24,166 --> 01:27:26,833 Don't be afraid to be you. Natalie. 1793 01:27:26,916 --> 01:27:27,833 [door opens] 1794 01:27:27,916 --> 01:27:29,666 [Barb] I was happy with their meat. 1795 01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:33,208 [Bob] That's what they're known for. Good old steak as always. 1796 01:27:33,291 --> 01:27:35,791 [footsteps approaching] 1797 01:27:43,291 --> 01:27:44,333 She's gone. 1798 01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,750 [somber music playing] 1799 01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:51,916 [Barb] Baby. 1800 01:27:52,708 --> 01:27:55,541 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 1801 01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,208 Thank you, Grandma. 1802 01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,875 Chin up, brother bear. 1803 01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,583 [softly] Sorry, Josh. 1804 01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:17,375 [Josh] It's okay. 1805 01:28:25,833 --> 01:28:26,708 [Bob sighs] 1806 01:28:27,791 --> 01:28:31,250 Here's the deal. Things happen for-- 1807 01:28:41,958 --> 01:28:43,083 I'm sorry, son. 1808 01:28:47,666 --> 01:28:48,791 What are all these? 1809 01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,125 Oh, just candles I made. It's… it's nothing. 1810 01:28:55,875 --> 01:28:56,833 You made this? 1811 01:28:57,666 --> 01:28:59,000 You make candles? 1812 01:29:00,125 --> 01:29:02,958 It's… it's no big deal. It's just… it's just a hobby. 1813 01:29:07,250 --> 01:29:10,000 Wow! I don't know how you did it, but… [sniffs] 1814 01:29:11,333 --> 01:29:13,375 this smells exactly like Grandpa. 1815 01:29:13,458 --> 01:29:15,750 It's as if he's here in the room with us. 1816 01:29:18,875 --> 01:29:20,625 I can smell his aftershave. 1817 01:29:23,375 --> 01:29:25,291 The wool of his sweater. [sniffs] 1818 01:29:28,375 --> 01:29:31,250 Wait, there's something else that I just can't place. 1819 01:29:32,000 --> 01:29:33,875 -Eucalyptus? -Bengay. 1820 01:29:33,958 --> 01:29:35,416 [both laughing] 1821 01:29:35,958 --> 01:29:37,083 [inhales] Well. 1822 01:29:37,833 --> 01:29:39,458 That's one hell of a hobby. 1823 01:29:42,375 --> 01:29:46,041 Actually, Dad, it's not just a hobby. 1824 01:29:46,750 --> 01:29:48,458 I… I think it could be a business. 1825 01:29:49,166 --> 01:29:50,083 A big one. 1826 01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:54,333 I know, it's not like helping someone ascend Everest 1827 01:29:54,416 --> 01:29:57,916 or providing scuba gear for the Great Barrier Reef, 1828 01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:01,250 but it's what I want to do with my life. 1829 01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:04,916 Wait. Uh… 1830 01:30:06,208 --> 01:30:08,625 Are you saying you don't want to work at the store anymore? 1831 01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,458 [softly] No, I… I don't. 1832 01:30:11,541 --> 01:30:13,541 I'm… I'm sorry, Dad. 1833 01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:15,875 Oh. [chuckles] 1834 01:30:15,958 --> 01:30:16,958 Thank God. 1835 01:30:17,041 --> 01:30:19,083 [touching music playing] 1836 01:30:19,166 --> 01:30:23,416 I love you, son, but you're terrible at selling sporting goods. [laughing] 1837 01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:24,875 I know! 1838 01:30:26,666 --> 01:30:27,541 So-- 1839 01:30:28,208 --> 01:30:29,750 You're… you're not mad at me? 1840 01:30:29,833 --> 01:30:31,666 Ah, of course not. 1841 01:30:34,583 --> 01:30:36,750 My son wants to make candles, 1842 01:30:38,541 --> 01:30:40,958 so go make candles. 1843 01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:45,666 Yeah. 1844 01:30:45,750 --> 01:30:46,791 [exhales] 1845 01:30:47,791 --> 01:30:48,625 [chuckles] 1846 01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,083 [sighs] 1847 01:31:07,166 --> 01:31:10,458 ♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪ 1848 01:31:10,541 --> 01:31:13,416 ♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪ 1849 01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:16,375 ♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪ 1850 01:31:19,250 --> 01:31:21,791 You won't find my article in the bottom of that glass. 1851 01:31:21,875 --> 01:31:25,083 [coughs] Jesus Christ, Lee. You're everywhere. 1852 01:31:25,166 --> 01:31:26,666 [in Spanish] A beer, please. 1853 01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:27,916 [bartender] No problem. 1854 01:31:28,625 --> 01:31:32,166 [Lee] So, kiddo. That was one hell of an engagement toast. 1855 01:31:32,250 --> 01:31:35,708 Seriously, though, that train wreck was a little too much, even for me. 1856 01:31:36,458 --> 01:31:37,958 -Are you all right? -[exhales] 1857 01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:42,291 Did you see the look on Josh's face? I'm the furthest thing from all right. 1858 01:31:42,375 --> 01:31:45,250 Hmm. When you found out you were getting catfished, 1859 01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,708 why didn't you just leave? 1860 01:31:47,416 --> 01:31:50,208 Because I owed you an article, and I didn't want to get fired. 1861 01:31:50,291 --> 01:31:53,250 I fired you four times. You just keep showing up. 1862 01:31:53,916 --> 01:31:55,458 Why did you really stay? 1863 01:31:57,041 --> 01:31:59,625 I… I… I don't know. 1864 01:31:59,708 --> 01:32:01,750 [Lee] Okay. I mean, I just find it odd 1865 01:32:01,833 --> 01:32:05,041 because you usually run at the first sign of imperfection. 1866 01:32:05,125 --> 01:32:08,291 Josh is imperfect, but yet you decided to stay? 1867 01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:10,833 It doesn't really matter. 1868 01:32:11,833 --> 01:32:13,833 Honey, it's the only thing that matters. 1869 01:32:21,708 --> 01:32:22,708 [sighs] 1870 01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:25,583 I think I'm gonna head back up to my room. 1871 01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:28,708 -This article isn't gonna write itself. -[Lee] Good idea. 1872 01:32:28,791 --> 01:32:31,375 Just because we're girlfriends now doesn't mean I won't fire you. 1873 01:32:31,458 --> 01:32:32,416 [exhales] 1874 01:32:37,166 --> 01:32:39,833 ["Call It Dreaming" by Iron & Wine playing] 1875 01:32:43,041 --> 01:32:43,958 [clears throat] 1876 01:32:45,125 --> 01:32:49,375 [Natalie] Webster's Dictionary defines love as… 1877 01:32:51,083 --> 01:32:56,041 To paraphrase my girl Celine Dion, "My heart, too, will go on." 1878 01:32:56,125 --> 01:33:01,541 ♪ Any rain softly kisses us on the face ♪ 1879 01:33:01,625 --> 01:33:03,875 ♪ Anywhere means we're running ♪ 1880 01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:07,125 ♪ We can sleep and see 'em coming ♪ 1881 01:33:07,208 --> 01:33:08,041 What? 1882 01:33:08,125 --> 01:33:10,833 -♪ Where we drift and call it dreaming ♪ -[growling] 1883 01:33:10,916 --> 01:33:15,250 ♪ We can weep and call it singing ♪ 1884 01:33:16,875 --> 01:33:21,875 ♪ For all the love you've left behind ♪ 1885 01:33:21,958 --> 01:33:23,791 ♪ You can have mine… ♪ 1886 01:33:23,875 --> 01:33:26,875 [Natalie] Half of you love a great Disaster Date story. 1887 01:33:26,958 --> 01:33:29,458 The other half, a storybook romance. 1888 01:33:29,541 --> 01:33:32,916 Now, the first half of you are going to be really, really happy. 1889 01:33:33,458 --> 01:33:35,291 Allow me to explain. 1890 01:33:35,375 --> 01:33:37,291 It all started with a swipe. 1891 01:33:38,666 --> 01:33:40,916 Tag Abbott, he may as well have been Zeus's son… 1892 01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:41,875 Josh Lin… 1893 01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:46,250 His family took me in. I have never felt worse in my entire life. 1894 01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:50,833 So, there you have it, folks. Another disaster for the record books. 1895 01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:55,083 But this time, I realized that in order to find true love, 1896 01:33:55,166 --> 01:33:58,083 I need to be honest about who I am too, 1897 01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:01,083 and maybe that's been the problem all along. I mean-- 1898 01:34:01,166 --> 01:34:04,166 I've been so focused on other people's dishonesty 1899 01:34:04,250 --> 01:34:06,916 that I never really stopped to look at my own. 1900 01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:11,125 And maybe if I did, I'd finally see what's right in front of me, 1901 01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:14,083 and perhaps the ending to my story could be… 1902 01:34:14,833 --> 01:34:15,666 Um… 1903 01:34:23,041 --> 01:34:24,250 [phone chimes] 1904 01:34:38,541 --> 01:34:40,541 [emotional music playing] 1905 01:34:58,291 --> 01:34:59,291 [softly inhales] 1906 01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:07,791 [knocking on door] 1907 01:35:09,708 --> 01:35:11,708 [emotional music continues] 1908 01:35:24,666 --> 01:35:25,541 [Barb] Who is it? 1909 01:35:32,541 --> 01:35:34,125 It's the Mormons. 1910 01:35:34,208 --> 01:35:37,166 [Bob] For the last time, we're not converting! 1911 01:35:39,875 --> 01:35:41,500 ["Curls" by Bibio playing] 1912 01:36:03,791 --> 01:36:08,500 ♪ To see within Is to feel without a light ♪ 1913 01:36:09,750 --> 01:36:14,250 ♪ Who'd have thought That we'd break the things we like? ♪ 1914 01:36:15,708 --> 01:36:20,000 ♪ To find a stone Just to bounce across the pond ♪ 1915 01:36:21,083 --> 01:36:25,875 ♪ Is the path it makes That's a clue to other songs ♪ 1916 01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:31,625 ♪ Her hair, it curls In the depth of the night ♪ 1917 01:36:32,833 --> 01:36:37,500 ♪ The scent recalls Like a photograph with life ♪ 1918 01:36:38,583 --> 01:36:43,333 ♪ Her hair, it curls In the depth of the night ♪ 1919 01:36:44,416 --> 01:36:49,125 ♪ The scent recalls Like a photograph with life ♪ 1920 01:37:02,000 --> 01:37:06,750 ♪ To live without Is to live under a spell ♪ 1921 01:37:08,458 --> 01:37:12,375 ♪ Who'd have thought That we'd turn our home to hell? ♪ 1922 01:37:13,708 --> 01:37:18,625 ♪ To find a bone And to float it down the stream ♪ 1923 01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:20,500 So, what do we do now? 1924 01:37:22,708 --> 01:37:25,208 -Kiss her, you idiot! -[Josh laughs] 1925 01:37:25,291 --> 01:37:29,833 ♪ Her hair curls In the damp of the night ♪ 1926 01:37:31,166 --> 01:37:35,791 ♪ The scent recalls Like a photograph with life ♪ 1927 01:37:37,000 --> 01:37:41,583 ♪ Her woolen coat Under yellow sodium lights ♪ 1928 01:37:42,875 --> 01:37:47,458 ♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪ 1929 01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:52,625 ♪ Her hair, it curls In the damp of the night ♪ 1930 01:37:52,708 --> 01:37:57,625 [Natalie] So, yeah. I thought I'd flown 3,000 miles to see how my story ended. 1931 01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:04,083 And instead, I found out how it begins. 1932 01:38:06,208 --> 01:38:10,750 ♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪ 1933 01:38:15,708 --> 01:38:18,833 -[Bob] Come over. Yeah, yeah. -Okay, this is not mine. This is Josh. 1934 01:38:18,916 --> 01:38:19,750 Owen! Owen! 1935 01:38:19,833 --> 01:38:21,541 [indistinct chattering] 1936 01:38:21,625 --> 01:38:23,833 [Barb] You two, time for presents! 1937 01:38:24,583 --> 01:38:25,666 I gotta warn you, 1938 01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:28,625 my family is pretty intense when it comes to Christmas presents. 1939 01:38:28,708 --> 01:38:29,541 [Natalie scoffs] 1940 01:38:30,458 --> 01:38:32,041 You don't say. 1941 01:38:32,125 --> 01:38:34,291 [Barb] 'Cause that wires kinda goofy. 1942 01:38:35,208 --> 01:38:36,541 Hey, you two. 1943 01:38:36,625 --> 01:38:38,791 Quick question. What's a dick pic? 1944 01:38:38,875 --> 01:38:39,958 -Um… -[Chelsea] Ew! 1945 01:38:40,041 --> 01:38:41,125 [Owen] Grandma, why-- 1946 01:38:41,208 --> 01:38:43,500 -[chuckles] -You want to take this one maybe? 1947 01:38:46,833 --> 01:38:50,541 ♪ Santa's bringing all the toys In the dead of the night ♪ 1948 01:38:52,625 --> 01:38:56,166 ♪ The kids are sleeping And mama's got a bottle of wine ♪ 1949 01:38:58,375 --> 01:39:02,208 ♪ Sleigh bells ringing And Rudolph's running behind ♪ 1950 01:39:03,916 --> 01:39:08,291 ♪ But nothing's stopping Christmas From coming this time ♪ 1951 01:39:09,083 --> 01:39:10,833 -♪ It's a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1952 01:39:10,916 --> 01:39:12,250 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1953 01:39:12,333 --> 01:39:14,541 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1954 01:39:14,625 --> 01:39:16,458 -♪ Make it a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1955 01:39:16,541 --> 01:39:17,833 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1956 01:39:17,916 --> 01:39:20,083 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1957 01:39:20,166 --> 01:39:22,083 -♪ I need a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1958 01:39:22,166 --> 01:39:23,500 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1959 01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:26,375 ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ 1960 01:39:26,458 --> 01:39:30,708 ♪ Man, there's nothing like this Time of the year ♪ 1961 01:39:32,083 --> 01:39:35,416 ♪ All this snow won't keep us From painting the town ♪ 1962 01:39:37,666 --> 01:39:41,208 ♪ Stuck at home for too long It's time to get out ♪ 1963 01:39:43,250 --> 01:39:47,541 ♪ Mistletoe up high It's about to go down ♪ 1964 01:39:48,791 --> 01:39:52,625 ♪ A good ol' year, I think we earned A little fooling around ♪ 1965 01:39:52,708 --> 01:39:53,958 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1966 01:39:54,041 --> 01:39:55,750 -♪ It's a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1967 01:39:55,833 --> 01:39:57,166 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1968 01:39:57,250 --> 01:39:59,416 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1969 01:39:59,500 --> 01:40:01,375 -♪ Make it a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1970 01:40:01,458 --> 01:40:02,750 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1971 01:40:02,833 --> 01:40:05,000 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1972 01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,916 -♪ I need a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1973 01:40:07,000 --> 01:40:08,375 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1974 01:40:08,458 --> 01:40:11,250 ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ 1975 01:40:11,333 --> 01:40:15,833 ♪ No, there's nothing like this Time of the year ♪ 1976 01:40:26,708 --> 01:40:27,708 ♪ One more time ♪ 1977 01:40:27,791 --> 01:40:29,458 -♪ It's a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1978 01:40:29,541 --> 01:40:30,833 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1979 01:40:30,916 --> 01:40:33,416 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1980 01:40:33,500 --> 01:40:35,041 -♪ It's a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1981 01:40:35,125 --> 01:40:36,458 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1982 01:40:36,541 --> 01:40:38,875 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1983 01:40:38,958 --> 01:40:40,625 -♪ It's a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1984 01:40:40,708 --> 01:40:42,083 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1985 01:40:42,166 --> 01:40:44,333 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1986 01:40:44,416 --> 01:40:46,291 -♪ Make it a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1987 01:40:46,375 --> 01:40:47,750 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1988 01:40:47,833 --> 01:40:50,000 -♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Very Merry ♪ 1989 01:40:50,083 --> 01:40:51,875 -♪ I need a very ♪ -♪ Very ♪ 1990 01:40:51,958 --> 01:40:53,333 -♪ Merry ♪ -♪ Merry ♪ 1991 01:40:53,416 --> 01:40:56,166 ♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪ 1992 01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:58,958 ♪ No, there's nothing like it ♪ 1993 01:40:59,041 --> 01:41:01,375 ♪ Nothing so exciting ♪ 1994 01:41:01,875 --> 01:41:06,958 ♪ No, there's nothing like This time of the year ♪ 1995 01:41:09,708 --> 01:41:11,708 [upbeat music playing] 1996 01:42:16,833 --> 01:42:18,833 [folk guitar music playing] 1997 01:43:27,583 --> 01:43:29,583 [holiday music playing] 1998 01:44:42,958 --> 01:44:44,958 [bells jingling]