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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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NETFLIXOV HUMORISTIČNI SPECIJAL
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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PREKRASNA, VELIKA ČUDAKINJA
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Trebala bih odraditi nastup.
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Dame i gospodo,
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Nicole Byer!
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NICOLE BYER: PREKRASNA, VELIKA ČUDAKINJA
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Bok.
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Hvala vam na dolasku.
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Kakva poslastica, kakav san!
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Radujem se što sam ovdje
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u New Yorku!
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U ovom sam gradu započela karijeru.
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U ovom mi je gradu komad pizze pao na pod
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na stranu sa sirom…
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I pojela sam ga!
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U ovom sam gradu jebala taksista,
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a drugi me prstenjačio.
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U redu.
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Znam da je svima dosta pričanja
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o koroni i pandemieji,
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ali pričat ćemo o tome
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jer sam potrošila godinu života.
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Mislim da je tatama bilo teško
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tijekom pandemieje.
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Zovem je „pandemie“, opušteno.
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Da, tatama je bilo teško
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u 2020.
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Teško je biti odsutan
ako nemaš kamo otići.
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U publici je tata kojeg je ovo pogodilo.
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Mislim da su krivo predstavili maske.
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Rekli su, „Nosite masku.
Spasite nekoga drugoga.“
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Ne, mi smo jako sebični.
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Trebali su reći, „Ako si zgodan,
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nosi masku.
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Samo lijepi ljudi nose maske!
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Ako si slatkica,
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nosi masku!“
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Masku nisu htjeli nositi
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najružniji ljudi.
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Ne.
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Govorili su,
„Što je s mojim građanskim slobodama?“
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Tvoje lice je građanski neposluh, u redu?
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Ja sam usred pandemije
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otišla na drive-by sprovod za mačku.
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Ne šalim se.
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Učinila sam to.
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Crni mačak moje prijateljice Marcy,
Bo, tragično je uginuo.
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Naša nam je prijateljica
poslala poruku i rekla,
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„Hej, provozajmo se uz njenu kuću vičući.“
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To smo i učinili.
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Prošli smo uz njenu kuću, 10 km/h,
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„Jako mi je žao!“
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Ona je plakala. Pitala sam se,
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„Jesi li tužna ili se sramiš?“
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Ali ne možete to nekoga pitati.
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Kasnije smo snimale podcast.
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O emisiji 90 Day Fiancé.
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U redu.
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Šestero ljudi zna.
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Vi ostali, počnite pratiti emisiju.
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To je najdivlja emisija na televiziji.
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Snimale smo podcast, zove se 90 Day Bae.
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Na Patreonu je, pet dolara.
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Bile smo na Zoomu.
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Znaju li svi što je Zoom?
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Jesu lis vi na Zoomu?
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Znamo li što je Zoom?
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Koji kurac je Zoom?
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„Zoom“ znači juriti.
Kamo, do mojeg dnevnog boravka?
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Dakle…
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Na Zoomu smo razgovarale o tim luđacima…
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i odjednom se iza nje pojavila
mala crna mačka.
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Pomislila sam,
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„O, ne.
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O, ne. Moram prijateljici reći da će,
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ako se okrene,
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iza sebe vidjeti duha mrtvog mačka
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kako se zabavlja.
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Moram prijateljici reći
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da joj je kuća ukleta.“
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Počela sam plakati, zaista.
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Marcy me pitala, „Koji ti je kurac?“
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Rekla sam, „Marcy,
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ako se okreneš,
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vidjet ćeš duha svojeg mrtvog mačka.“
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Marcy je rekla, „Nicole,
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nabavila sam novu mačku.“
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Trebala mi je to reći.
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Ispričala sam to psihologinji
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i smijala se.
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„Prvo, previše ti plaćam.
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Drugo. Bila je 2020. godina.
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Bilo je azijskih stršljena.
To je mogao biti duh.“
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Ima li ovdje crnaca?
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Da!
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Jedna u prvom redu!
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To! Rosa je sjela za sve nas!
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Nema nas samo u autobusima.
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Mogu li…
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Mogu li te nešto pitati?
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U redu.
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Tijekom prosvjeda Black Lives Matter,
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ne znam za tebe,
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ali meni je svaki bijelac
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kojem sam trepnula, mahnula
ili zamahnula nogom poslao poruku.
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Puno se bijelaca smije.
„Da, poslao sam poruku.“
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Ali
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jesu li tebi slali poruke?
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Jesu. Jesu li pisali,
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„Ako ikako mogu pomoći,
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samo mi reci“?
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Da. Koji kurac, bijelci?
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Koji kurac?
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Ne moram znati
da sam ti jedina prijateljica crnkinja.
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Zadrži to u svojem srcu.
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Ne trebam ništa, živa sam!
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Ali…
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Što sam rekla?
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Jako me uvrijedilo
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što su jedini bijelci
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koji mi se nisu javili
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bijelci koje sam jebala.
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„Slušaj me!
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Jesu li životi crnaca važni
samo dok si u njima?“
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Dajte, bijelci!
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Dajte!
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Spakirajte svoju krivnju
i pošaljite je poštom!
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Sjećate li se
kako smo prije izbora mislili
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da se pošta zatvara?
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Kakva šašava godina!
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Mislili smo,
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„Moramo kupiti markice!“
Za koga? Na Zoomu smo!
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Volim jebati bijelce.
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Jebem ih tako jako
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da njihovi preci plaču.
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Imam još jednu.
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Obožavam jebati bijelce.
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Obožavam.
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Ali moram biti oprezna
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jer volim grubi seks,
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a mogu me zavezati
na ispravan i na krivi način.
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Imam još jednu!
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Obožavam jebati bijelce.
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Obožavam!
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Volim osjećaj privilegije u sebi.
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Šalim se.
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Ne jebem samo bijelce.
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Moja pizda ne vidi boju kožu.
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Ali napaljena sam
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i prošle je godine bilo kritično.
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Bilo je ozbiljno.
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Tražila sam način da se sigurno jebem.
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„Natjerat ću tipove da nose masku.“
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Ne, to nije seksi.
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„Jebat ću nekoga koga poznajem.“
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Pogledala sam popis kita…
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Našla sam jednog tipa.
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Poslala sam poruku tipu s Bumblea.
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Prijatelji smo, javila sam mu se.
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„Hej, zanima li te rupa u zidu?“
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Rekao je „Ne“.
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A onda je napisao, „U vezi sam.
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Želiš li mi biti gost u podcastu?“
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Taj drugi dio
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bolio je više od prvog dijela.
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Znaju li svi što je rupa u zidu?
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Ima sramežljivih.
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Reći ću vam.
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Tradicionalna rupa u zidu,
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klasična.
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To je zid s rupom
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u koju staviš kitu, ti si senator.
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I…
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Na drugoj strani je dečko,
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liči na tebe.
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I
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on je na drugoj strani na koljenima.
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„Fino,
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želučić mi je pun.“
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To je rupa u zidu.
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I…
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Na Googleu sam tražila
rupe u zidu za žene.
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Jer je inače za muškarce.
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Gdje su rupe u zidu za dame?
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00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,585
Ima li ih ovdje u New Yorku?
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Vjerojatno.
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To nije „da“.
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Da, dugo sam to tražila.
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FBI se pita, „Je li ona dobro?“
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Nisam.
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Ne, jako sam napaljena.
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To bi bila dobra reklama.
„Upoznati ste s rupama u zidu,
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sad predstavljamo rupe za žene!“
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Ne mogu ih naći ovdje u SAD-u.
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00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,367
Ali našla sam ih u Njemačkoj!
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Zato idem na odmor!
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U Njemačkoj
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žena leži na stolu
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i zid je prepolovi.
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Njezina pizda je ponuđena svima.
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Pomislila sam,
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„Što ako me nitko ne odabere?
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Što ako ne čujem srkanje?
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00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:59,028
Što ako budem osjećala
samo propuh na ćelavoj pizdi?“
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Nisam spremna za takvo odbijanje.
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00:13:07,747 --> 00:13:09,998
Tijekom pandemieje naučila sam
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i da možete naručiti jednu teglu umaka.
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Ali platit ćete je 20 dolara.
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Zato sam veganka. Hvala.
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Hvala, junakinja sam. To je moj križ.
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Hvala.
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Pripremala sam veganske
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pileće medaljone, znate.
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Veganske medaljone.
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Kako…
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Kako to da je sva veganska hrana glasna
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iako ne treba biti?
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„Piletina!
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Piletina!“
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I…
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Pripremala sam medaljone,
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ja sam veganka.
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Ja sam veganka, u redu?
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Osim jaja.
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Ponekad jedem umake.
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Ponekad rebarca.
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Možda nisam veganka,
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ali važno je
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što se smatram vegankom.
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Dobro.
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00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,472
Ja sam Rachel Dolezal veganizma.
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U redu?
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00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:15,063
Pripremala sam veganske medaljone
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i htjela sam umak.
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Naručila sam umak
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i čekala da ga dostave.
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Ding, dong. Evo ga.
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Otvorila sam vrata
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i vidjela teglu umaka.
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Nije bilo vrećice.
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00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:41,132
Za 20 dolara mogli su mi dati vrećicu
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ili poškakljati klitoris.
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00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:47,095
Zamislite gumb,
„Napojnica ili škakljanje.“
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00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,100
Razmišljala sam o tome
247
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,520
iz perspektive dostavljača.
248
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,563
Radi tijekom pandemije.
249
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,898
„Dostavljam potrepštine.
250
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,943
Radim Božji posao.
251
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:05,072
Jedna tegla umaka?
252
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,077
Ova kuja želi da ugrozim svoj život
253
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,412
za umak?
254
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,623
Ne, neću joj dati vrećicu.
255
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,958
Ne.
256
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:20,378
Susjedi će misliti
da je naručila potrepštine.
257
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,255
Ne!
258
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,548
Prokleta bila!“
259
00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:31,265
Na kraju 2020.
260
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,892
iščašila sam gležanj.
261
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:36,978
Da. Gospod je rekao,
„Dijete moje, jebi se.“
262
00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:45,612
Iščašila sam zglob,
pala sam s vrha stepenica
263
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,700
jer sam se veselila izlasku iz kuće.
264
00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:54,788
Morala sam ići
u bolnicu Glendale Memorial.
265
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:58,375
Ako ste u blizini Los Angelesa,
266
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,377
ne idite onamo.
267
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:03,463
Nisam se lijepo provela.
268
00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:06,342
Ne, bilo je jako loše.
269
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,345
Medicinska sestra
htjela mi je ukrasti gaće.
270
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,638
Doći ćemo do toga. Ali prvo…
271
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,520
Vožnja do bolnice stajala me 700 dolara
272
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,688
s osiguranjem!
273
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,565
Nisu mi ponudili čak ni vodu.
274
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,778
To je bila najgora vožnja Uberom ikad.
275
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:29,698
Bože. U bolnici su mi
276
00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:31,783
nogu poduprli jastukom
277
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,993
iz mojeg dnevnog boravka.
278
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,920
Ljudi su prolazili uz mene, „Target?“
279
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:44,505
Ne, Anthropologie.
280
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:45,922
Ide mi.
281
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:56,642
Sedmorica muškaraca
morala su me iznijeti iz kuće.
282
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,685
„Mogla bih se sramiti
283
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,230
ili sudjelovati u orgiji!“
284
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:04,525
Ali nisam se lijepo provela,
285
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,985
nije bilo orgije.
286
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,112
U bolnici sam pitala,
287
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,573
„Mogu li dobiti lijekove protiv bolova?
288
00:17:11,657 --> 00:17:13,658
Ne osjećam se dobro.“
289
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,368
Medicinski tehničar je rekao „U redu“.
290
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,455
Dao mi je infuziju i pumpicu.
291
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,623
„Njam-njam. Da, živa sam.“
292
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,002
Ali svejedno sam se onesvijestila.
293
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,462
Što je to bilo?
294
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,003
Rekao je da je placebo.
295
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,965
Dao mi je fiziološku otopinu.
296
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,967
„Gospodine, moj gležanj
izgleda kao raskrižje.
297
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,845
Morate mi nešto dati.“
298
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,472
Ne znam znate li ovo,
299
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,017
ali crnim i smeđim ljudima opioide izdaju
300
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,935
rjeđe nego bijelcima.
301
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,897
Zato ima više ovisnika o heroinu bijelaca.
302
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,273
Začudila sam se.
303
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,902
Možda je rasizam ponekad dobar?
304
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:58,870
Crni i smeđi ljudi
izbjegli su ovisnost o opioidima.
305
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:02,457
Vratimo se sestri
koja mi je htjela ukrasti gaće.
306
00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:08,880
Ležala sam u krevetu i rekla,
307
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,632
„Oprostite, moram pišati.“
308
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,635
On je rekao, „Ne, ne možete hodati.“
309
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:21,100
Rekla sam,
„Puno bolesnika ovdje ne može hodati,
310
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,352
kako oni pišaju?“
311
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,730
Odgovorio je, „Idem po Jenny.“
312
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,732
Tko je Jenny?
313
00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:29,442
Tko? Šaptačica pišačima?
314
00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:30,818
Što se događa?
315
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:34,030
Jenny je došla, ovako je zvučala,
316
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,867
„O, ne!
317
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,035
Moraš piškiti.“
318
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,045
Rekla sam, „Da, Jenny,
319
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,088
moram piškiti.“
320
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,342
Objasnila mi je kako uređaj radi.
321
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,468
„Ovo je posuda,
322
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:56,803
a ovo je cijev.
323
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,888
Ovaj mali dio
324
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,682
staviš na pipicu.“
325
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,392
„Pipicu?“
326
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:04,645
Pipicu?
327
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,563
Medicinski izraz je „pizda“.
328
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,983
Što je to? Odrasti.
329
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,068
I
330
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,655
stavila sam to na pipicu.
331
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,155
Jenny je rekla,
332
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,117
„Kreni!“
333
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,038
Počela sam pišati
334
00:19:23,122 --> 00:19:26,250
i sve se skupilo ispod mene.
335
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,460
Pogledala sam Jenny i rekla,
336
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,170
„Mislim da ne radi.“
337
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,048
Jenny je rekla,
338
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:37,093
„O, ne!
339
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,428
Moramo te očistiti!“
340
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:43,517
I onda me Jenny očistila
kao da sam velika beba.
341
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,060
„Moramo očistiti desnu stranu
342
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,353
Očistiti lijevu
343
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,772
Moramo u dubinu
344
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,898
Volim tvoju škinu“
345
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,783
Nije pjevala.
346
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:03,287
Pjevušila je, to je jezivije.
347
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,955
Na kraju je rekla,
348
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,498
„Moramo odnijeti gaćice, mokre su.“
349
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,627
„Jenny, nisu mokre.
350
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:10,668
Skinula sam ih.“
351
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,378
Rekla je, „Uzet ću ih.“
352
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,047
„Molim te, nemoj.“
353
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,673
„Hoću.“ „Ne.“
354
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:18,177
Natezale smo moje jebene gaće
355
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,803
dok nisam rekla,
„Jenny, nisu jebeno mokre!“
356
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,263
A onda je Jenny rekla…
357
00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:24,473
I zatim…
358
00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:39,155
I dalje sam ležala
359
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,325
u jebenom bolničkom krevetu.
360
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,742
Dugo sam bila tamo.
361
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,493
Punih osam sati.
362
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,788
Odradila sam radni dan…
363
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:50,375
Pogledala sam tehničara i rekla,
364
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,793
„Oprostite,
365
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,212
opet moram pišati.“
366
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:57,590
Rekao je, „Idem po Jenny.“
367
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,843
„Idi po Jenny.“
368
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,017
Jenny se vratila i rekla,
369
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,102
„Opet?“
370
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,982
Da, jebeni Teletubby, opet.
371
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:17,818
Ponovile smo isto.
372
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,112
Stavila sam to.
373
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,613
Ali drugi put
374
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:23,075
tehničar nije izašao iz sobe.
375
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,325
Jenny je rekla,
376
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,828
„Kreni!“
377
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,038
Ali tehničar je rekao
378
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,417
da Jenny nije uključila uređaj.
379
00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:42,177
Mislite li da Jenny
380
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,263
ima specifični fetiš?
381
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,442
Upisala je medicinsku školu,
382
00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:58,902
zaposlila se u bolnici
383
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:01,780
i rekla, „Držim fige“.
384
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,073
Čistit ću upišanu crnkinju
385
00:22:04,157 --> 00:22:06,535
i džepove napuniti gaćama.
386
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:18,713
Taj smijeh.
387
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:24,762
Imala sam puno vremena za oporavak
388
00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:26,972
i puno sam gledala televiziju,
389
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:29,057
sve što se nudilo.
390
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:32,060
Gledala sam dokumentarac o Ku Klux Klanu.
391
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,687
Easy Breezy, Beautiful Tuesday.
392
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,900
Gledala sam to
i čovjek na ekranu je rekao,
393
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,527
„Ja sam veliki čarobnjak.“
394
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,112
Koji kurac?
395
00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:44,447
Drugi je rekao,
396
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,115
„Ja sam veliki zmaj.“
397
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,283
Hej,
398
00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:50,078
zvuči kao nešto iz Harryja Pottera.
399
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,665
Odlučila sam to istražiti.
400
00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:55,000
Otišla sam na ulicu.
401
00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:57,585
Pogledala sam Wikipediju i…
402
00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:01,715
Slušajte me.
403
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,883
Mislim da je Harry Potter
404
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:06,928
temeljen na KKK-u.
405
00:23:10,182 --> 00:23:12,767
Pođimo na putovanje!
406
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,900
U KKK-u imaju Velike čarobnjake.
407
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:21,985
Što je Harry?
408
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,903
Veliki čarobnjak.
409
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,780
U KKK-u nose plašteve s kapuljačom.
410
00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:27,365
Što nose u Hogwartsu?
411
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:28,825
Plašteve s kapuljačom.
412
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,453
U KKK-u imaju Noćnog sokola i Sultana.
413
00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:36,332
To možete znači u Zabranjenoj šumi.
414
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,793
Premisa KKK-a… Premisa?
415
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,588
Što?
416
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:45,550
Cilj KKK-a je…
417
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,142
Žele da bijelci i crnci žive odvojeno.
418
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:56,435
Premisa Harryja Pottera je
419
00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,232
odvajanje čarobnih i nečarobnih ljudi.
420
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:01,900
Dakle…
421
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:04,610
slijedeći moju logiku…
422
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:06,320
Sve odgovara, dobro?
423
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:08,365
Nečarobni ljudi
424
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:09,698
su crnci
425
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:11,743
i zovu ih „Bezjaci“.
426
00:24:11,827 --> 00:24:13,662
Uvreda za njih je „mutnjak“,
427
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:16,413
to je kao riječ na C
u čarobnjačkom svijetu.
428
00:24:16,498 --> 00:24:18,708
U Hogwartsu imaju predmet o Bezjacima.
429
00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:20,460
Što?
430
00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:22,712
To je Mjesec afroameričke povijesti.
431
00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:27,300
Mislim da je JKKKK Rowling…
432
00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:37,727
Sjedila je u kafiću,
433
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,563
odmarala se od mržnje prema trans osobama.
434
00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,523
I…
435
00:24:43,942 --> 00:24:45,360
To je pravi posao.
436
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:47,237
I
437
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,113
služila se internetom,
438
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,323
pomislila je, „KKK.
439
00:24:50,407 --> 00:24:54,327
To je užasno,
440
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:58,748
ali i čarobno!“
441
00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:02,918
Ako razmislite,
Harry je pola Bezjak, pola čarobnjak.
442
00:25:03,002 --> 00:25:04,670
Miješan. Hermione je Bezjak.
443
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,840
Crnkinja. Ron je Čarobnjak, bijelac.
444
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,550
Ako razmislite,
445
00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:10,635
to je priča o miješanom dječaku,
446
00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:12,553
crnoj prijateljici i bijelom prijatelju
447
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:16,265
koji žele svrgnuti
rasni patrijarhat svijeta čarobnjaka!
448
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,938
Netko me treba izjebati.
449
00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:32,448
Putujem više otkad glumimo
450
00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:35,077
da je pandemija gotova.
451
00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:38,037
Nije.
452
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,082
Otišla sam u Pennsylvaniju.
453
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:43,208
Fuj. Ajme!
454
00:25:45,087 --> 00:25:47,880
Kakav pravokutnik smeća.
455
00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:52,385
Od Philadelphije do Sranjesburga,
456
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:54,137
bacite sve to.
457
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,850
Je li netko iz Pennsylvanije?
458
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:00,477
Ne kajem se.
459
00:26:02,270 --> 00:26:06,107
Pobjegli ste. S razlogom niste ondje.
460
00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:10,987
Vozila sam se tim jebenim pravokutnikom
461
00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:13,323
i ostala bez goriva u White Havenu.
462
00:26:13,407 --> 00:26:15,283
Blago meni.
463
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,500
Previše se smijete mojoj nesreći.
464
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,045
Stala sam na benzinskoj stanici.
465
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:29,505
Izašla sam iz auta.
466
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,925
Pokušavala sam platiti karticom. Ne radi.
467
00:26:33,008 --> 00:26:34,218
Koji kurac?
468
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:36,428
Morala sam ući. Ušla sam i rekla,
469
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:38,557
„Jedno gorivo, molim vas.“
470
00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:44,062
Ne znam kako se gorivo naručuje.
471
00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:48,190
Ja sam iz New Jerseyja,
tamo ne smijete sami točiti gorivo.
472
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:51,653
To rade seljaci.
473
00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:56,407
U New Jerseyju
svi smo kraljevi i kraljice vozila.
474
00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:59,202
Spustimo prozor i kažemo…
475
00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:01,412
Napunite ga najjeftinijim.“
476
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,710
„Jedno gorivo, molim vas.“
477
00:27:07,877 --> 00:27:11,965
Unutra su bila dvojica debelih bijelca
s ukupno šest zubiju.
478
00:27:13,592 --> 00:27:16,343
Iz nekog razloga
imali su južnjački naglasak.
479
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,765
Ajme meni,
480
00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:23,518
moram naručiti za van.
481
00:27:30,692 --> 00:27:32,027
Naručila sam gorivo.
482
00:27:32,110 --> 00:27:34,903
Vraćam se do auta
483
00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:36,613
i smotana sam.
484
00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:39,325
Spotaknula sam se i uganula gležanj.
485
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:41,160
Pomislila sam,
486
00:27:41,243 --> 00:27:43,830
„Ovako crnci umiru.“
487
00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:46,040
Počela sam šepati do auta,
488
00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:48,877
okretati se, šepati,
489
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,920
okretati se.
490
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,798
Ali ne bi me ulovili. Bili su predebeli.
491
00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:54,923
Također…
492
00:27:56,675 --> 00:28:00,263
Što su mislili
kad su pogledali kroz prozor?
493
00:28:00,347 --> 00:28:01,765
Jesu li mislili,
494
00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:05,185
„Pogledaj, ona crnkinja pleše Thriller.“
495
00:28:16,153 --> 00:28:19,323
Bila sam i u Appletonu u Wisconsinu.
496
00:28:19,407 --> 00:28:22,743
Kako slatko ime za grad.
497
00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:24,912
Appleton, Wisconsin.
498
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,497
Onda dođete tamo,
499
00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:28,082
„Zeznuli smo te, otpad.“
500
00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:35,757
Neću reći da su svi u publici bili loši,
501
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,260
ali puno se ljudi užasno ponašalo.
502
00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:42,888
Pojeli su previše sira
i zaboravili biti pristojni.
503
00:28:44,140 --> 00:28:47,768
Tijekom nastupa vidjela sam bjelkinju
koja je slavila rođendan.
504
00:28:50,105 --> 00:28:51,773
Već znate.
505
00:28:54,942 --> 00:28:58,153
Gotovo ništa na Zemlji
506
00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,740
nije glasnije i moćnije
507
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:05,287
od bjelkinje koja slavi rođendan.
508
00:29:05,370 --> 00:29:07,413
Mogla bi ukrasti bebu i reći,
509
00:29:07,497 --> 00:29:09,790
„Rođendan mi je!“
510
00:29:17,590 --> 00:29:19,758
Po zakonu je beba njezina.
511
00:29:26,140 --> 00:29:29,310
Bjelkinja na rođendanu koju sam vidjela…
512
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,853
Zovimo je…
513
00:29:30,937 --> 00:29:33,063
Krista,
514
00:29:33,147 --> 00:29:34,648
jer se tako zove.
515
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:38,402
Kako to znam?
516
00:29:38,487 --> 00:29:41,113
Tijekom nastupa je rekla „Ja sam Krista,
517
00:29:41,197 --> 00:29:43,867
slavim rođendan!“
518
00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:50,373
Onda sam joj se malo smijala,
519
00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:53,042
reći ću vam nešto.
520
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:56,337
Kristi se to nije svidjelo.
521
00:29:57,505 --> 00:30:02,343
Ne, Krista je dostigla posljednji oblik,
522
00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:06,305
plačuća bjelkinja koja slavi rođendan.
523
00:30:08,390 --> 00:30:12,437
Plačuća bjelkinja na rođendanu je
kao Pokémon Mewtwo.
524
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,818
Plačuća bjelkinja je
525
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,110
Santova rukavica.
526
00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:23,197
Razumijete li me?
527
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:27,202
Plačuća bjelkinja na rođendanu je
kriptonit zdravom razumu,
528
00:30:27,285 --> 00:30:28,452
da.
529
00:30:28,662 --> 00:30:30,413
U zahodu u baru
530
00:30:30,497 --> 00:30:32,665
jedna je plakala, okružena drugima,
531
00:30:33,082 --> 00:30:35,042
„Pomozite joj, rođendan joj je!“
532
00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:52,893
Mogu li vam nešto reći?
533
00:30:52,977 --> 00:30:56,147
Uživala sam u Kristinom plaču.
534
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:06,073
Je li to moj rođendanski poklon?
535
00:31:06,157 --> 00:31:10,202
Ja uzimam moć i energiju bjelkinja.
536
00:31:10,287 --> 00:31:12,205
Plakala je, a ja…
537
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:22,382
Bila sam kao Bette Midler u Hocusu Pocusu.
538
00:31:27,303 --> 00:31:30,848
Uzimala sam energiju
kako bih dostigla svoj posljednji oblik,
539
00:31:30,932 --> 00:31:34,393
crnkinja koju nije briga što ti plačeš
540
00:31:34,477 --> 00:31:36,062
i što ti je rođendan.
541
00:31:39,273 --> 00:31:42,360
Žao mi je, nije me briga!
542
00:31:43,027 --> 00:31:46,488
Da plačem svaki put kad nije po mome,
543
00:31:46,572 --> 00:31:48,532
bila bih hodajući bazen.
544
00:31:48,617 --> 00:31:50,868
Ne smijem smočiti periku, preskupa je.
545
00:31:51,995 --> 00:31:52,995
Besplatna.
546
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,122
Ja…
547
00:31:57,292 --> 00:31:59,252
Pogledala sam puno
548
00:31:59,335 --> 00:32:01,795
videa o ludim Karenicama.
549
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:04,173
Jeste li ih vidjeli?
550
00:32:05,425 --> 00:32:08,427
Bože, stvarno su potpuno lude.
551
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,095
Obožavam ih.
552
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,848
Svaki se put pitam
553
00:32:12,932 --> 00:32:15,893
tko ih čeka kod kuće.
554
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,772
Tko tebe voli?
555
00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:20,898
Zaista.
556
00:32:20,982 --> 00:32:23,233
Tvoje dijete sjedi na kauču,
557
00:32:23,317 --> 00:32:25,277
na Instagramu je…
558
00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:26,903
„Mama?!“
559
00:32:28,155 --> 00:32:30,575
Vratiš se u istoj majici,
560
00:32:30,658 --> 00:32:33,327
„Zločin iz mržnje pa ravno kući?“
561
00:32:41,002 --> 00:32:44,755
Kako razgovaraš s partnericom
kad se tako ponaša?
562
00:32:44,838 --> 00:32:47,800
Čekaš noć prije nego što je ližeš?
563
00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:48,968
Ne, šalim se.
564
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:51,470
Te žene nitko ne liže.
565
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:54,057
Ne!
566
00:32:54,140 --> 00:32:57,893
Inače ne bi vikale u javnosti.
567
00:32:57,977 --> 00:33:02,148
Znam da je ironično što ja vičem na vas.
568
00:33:02,232 --> 00:33:04,275
Treba me više lizati.
569
00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:07,570
Dok sam gledala videe,
570
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:11,198
shvatila sam da postoje tri razine Karen.
571
00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:14,493
Prva razina, ogorčena je. „Da,
572
00:33:14,577 --> 00:33:18,330
rekla sam toj crnkinji
da se vrati u zemlju crnaca.
573
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:19,332
Pa što?“
574
00:33:25,547 --> 00:33:27,048
Druga, malo je bjesnija.
575
00:33:27,132 --> 00:33:28,173
„Da.
576
00:33:28,257 --> 00:33:31,385
Rekla sam toj crnkinji
da se vrati u zemlju crnaca.
577
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,388
Mislim da krade jer joj oko blista.
578
00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:36,598
Ne, ne radim ovdje.
579
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:38,558
Ne, nikad nisam ovdje kupovala.
580
00:33:38,642 --> 00:33:40,143
Jesu li hlače snižene?“
581
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:48,027
Treća razina, to je Najveća Karen.
582
00:33:48,737 --> 00:33:50,613
Naći ćete je u supermarketu.
583
00:33:52,282 --> 00:33:54,658
Baca stvari iz kolica.
584
00:33:54,742 --> 00:33:57,578
„Da, rekla sam toj crnkinji
585
00:33:57,662 --> 00:33:59,497
da se vrati u zemlju crnaca!
586
00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:01,998
Ne jedem grožđice, izgledaju kao crnci!
587
00:34:06,628 --> 00:34:09,632
Ne jedem datulje,
izgledaju kao stari debeli crnci!
588
00:34:10,382 --> 00:34:11,800
Ne jedem perece!
589
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:13,928
Gipki crnci.
590
00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:16,180
Ne jedem medenjake!
591
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:19,308
Izgledaju kao otmjeni goli crnci!
592
00:34:20,017 --> 00:34:21,143
Ako su otmjeni,
593
00:34:21,227 --> 00:34:23,228
zašto su goli?
594
00:34:24,022 --> 00:34:25,105
Vrijeđala sam je!
595
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:26,940
Jako sam je psovala!
596
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:29,735
Ali ne znate da ću se kasnije ispričati
597
00:34:29,818 --> 00:34:31,653
jer mi je pas uginuo!
598
00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:33,447
Prava žrtva sam ja!
599
00:34:33,990 --> 00:34:36,033
Bjelkinja!
600
00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:38,243
Nemam četveronožnog prijatelja!
601
00:34:38,327 --> 00:34:39,912
Napadaju me
602
00:34:39,995 --> 00:34:42,332
jer sam bjelkinja!“
603
00:34:53,968 --> 00:34:56,387
U publici je sigurno jedna takva.
604
00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:01,767
„Govori o meni!“
605
00:35:02,727 --> 00:35:04,728
Poslušaj Kelly Clarkson.
606
00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:07,148
Poželi to, riskiraj i pobjegni.
607
00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:25,917
Umorna sam.
608
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,418
Jako sam umorna.
609
00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:30,963
Neki dan sam brijala pizdu u tušu
610
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:33,883
i umorila sam se.
611
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:37,178
Stala sam.
612
00:35:38,595 --> 00:35:40,388
Kako bih se oraspoložila,
613
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:43,142
rekla sam, „To je posao za dva tuširanja.“
614
00:35:47,438 --> 00:35:49,440
Još nisam gotova.
615
00:35:51,442 --> 00:35:52,943
Umorna sam.
616
00:35:53,027 --> 00:35:55,572
Ispričala sam to u Tacomi
i žena je viknula,
617
00:35:55,655 --> 00:35:57,823
„Posao za tri tuširanja!“
618
00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:05,205
Sad mislim o tome koliku pizdu ima.
619
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:09,918
Ja imam samo dvije usne.
620
00:36:10,002 --> 00:36:11,212
Ja…
621
00:36:16,592 --> 00:36:19,387
Jednom sam jebala
tipa iz publike nakon nastupa.
622
00:36:19,470 --> 00:36:20,847
Hvala.
623
00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:26,310
Bio je Irac iz Irske.
624
00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:28,812
Imao je onaj naglasak.
625
00:36:28,897 --> 00:36:30,690
Kad je svršio, rekao je,
626
00:36:30,773 --> 00:36:32,317
„Znam tko je ukrao zlato.“
627
00:36:36,445 --> 00:36:37,613
Šalim se.
628
00:36:37,697 --> 00:36:40,365
Zapravo je rekao,
629
00:36:40,617 --> 00:36:43,618
„Nisi se šalila
kad si rekla da si polu-obrijana.
630
00:36:51,043 --> 00:36:53,922
U Irskoj bih te zvao
'Nejednaka O'Hoolaghan'.“
631
00:36:56,173 --> 00:36:57,300
Rekla sam,
632
00:36:57,383 --> 00:37:00,427
„Kako u Irskoj
izletite iz vlastite hotelske sobe?“
633
00:37:03,472 --> 00:37:04,890
Umorna sam.
634
00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:09,437
Jako, dosta mi je remakeova filmova.
635
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:10,980
Odličan prijelaz, zar ne?
636
00:37:11,063 --> 00:37:12,732
Znate…
637
00:37:12,815 --> 00:37:15,567
Zašto sve ponovno rade?
Već sam to vidjela.
638
00:37:16,068 --> 00:37:18,570
Za koga je bio novi Kralj lavova?
639
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:25,327
Koje dijete je pogledalo original i reklo,
640
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:29,123
„Imaju lavove, ali…
641
00:37:29,207 --> 00:37:31,917
nisu dovoljno realistični!“
642
00:37:35,838 --> 00:37:36,838
Za koga je to?
643
00:37:36,922 --> 00:37:38,507
Beyoncé je bila Nala.
644
00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:39,883
Tko je na to pristao?
645
00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:43,762
Tko je mislio da je to dobra ideja?
646
00:37:44,388 --> 00:37:47,015
„Simba, hajmo do pojilišta.“
647
00:37:55,232 --> 00:37:57,902
Tko je mislio da je to dobra ideja?
648
00:37:57,985 --> 00:38:01,113
Ako ne znate
kako Beyoncé zvuči dok govori,
649
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,367
kasnije se ušuškajte u krevet.
650
00:38:04,450 --> 00:38:06,368
Pogledajte video i reći ćete,
651
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:08,870
„Hej, to je bila dobra imitacija.“
652
00:38:14,043 --> 00:38:16,795
Želim reći da je Beyoncé presnažna
653
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:19,298
da bude sporedni lik.
654
00:38:19,382 --> 00:38:21,967
Ako radite Kralja lavova s Beyoncé,
655
00:38:22,050 --> 00:38:24,262
neka Beyoncé bude Kralj lavova!
656
00:38:28,390 --> 00:38:30,308
Ali smiješno je. „Simba.“
657
00:38:30,727 --> 00:38:32,268
Također…
658
00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:39,360
Također su snimili
remake filma Što žene vole.
659
00:38:39,443 --> 00:38:40,987
Sjećate li se tog filma?
660
00:38:41,862 --> 00:38:43,488
Ako ga se ne sjećate,
661
00:38:43,572 --> 00:38:45,867
glavni glumac je Mel Gibson.
662
00:38:45,950 --> 00:38:47,410
Mogao je čuti što…
663
00:38:47,493 --> 00:38:49,162
U redu. Mogao je…
664
00:38:55,292 --> 00:38:57,335
Navijate za Mela Gibsona?
665
00:38:59,088 --> 00:39:01,090
Jeste li cijeli život u karanteni?
666
00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:12,267
U redu. Što žene vole je
film s Melom Gibsonom.
667
00:39:12,727 --> 00:39:14,687
Mogao je čuti što žene misle
668
00:39:14,770 --> 00:39:17,022
i tako je bio bolji prema njima.
669
00:39:17,105 --> 00:39:18,398
Mel Gibson je rekao,
670
00:39:18,482 --> 00:39:20,025
„To ostaje u filmu.“
671
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:24,405
Jesam ga!
672
00:39:24,488 --> 00:39:26,573
Zatim su…
673
00:39:26,657 --> 00:39:29,202
Snimili su verziju s Taraji P. Henson.
674
00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:31,453
Zove se Što muškarci žele.
675
00:39:31,537 --> 00:39:33,372
Što?
676
00:39:33,455 --> 00:39:35,332
Već znamo…
677
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,377
što muškarci žele.
678
00:39:39,253 --> 00:39:40,963
Kakav je to film? Kakav?
679
00:39:41,297 --> 00:39:43,632
Taraji se šeće, uživa u danu?
680
00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:45,717
Vidi muškarca. Mahne mu,
681
00:39:45,802 --> 00:39:47,762
i on njoj. Onda čuje njegovu misao,
682
00:39:47,845 --> 00:39:48,803
a to je,
683
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:50,597
„Želim da gutaš moju spermu.“
684
00:39:55,770 --> 00:39:57,563
Kakav je to film?
685
00:39:59,273 --> 00:40:01,692
Ona se sat i pol samo boji?
686
00:40:01,775 --> 00:40:03,277
Što je to?
687
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:11,160
Možda se čini da mrzim muškarce.
688
00:40:11,243 --> 00:40:13,162
Hej! Mrzim ih.
689
00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:15,705
Mrzim.
690
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:22,797
Puno vas gospode je smeće.
691
00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:25,842
Ali želim dečka.
692
00:40:27,635 --> 00:40:30,428
Samo želim pušiti kurac,
693
00:40:30,512 --> 00:40:31,930
znate?
694
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:33,265
Ovako…
695
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,435
Zamislite da tako pušim kurac.
696
00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,692
Kao da sviram saksofon.
697
00:40:45,945 --> 00:40:47,403
„Možeš li na koljena?“
698
00:40:47,488 --> 00:40:49,072
Ulovi me.
699
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:52,952
Gore sam, Naslijeđeno zlo.
700
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,382
Početkom godine odlučila sam
701
00:41:07,465 --> 00:41:09,635
napustiti svoju zonu komfora
702
00:41:09,718 --> 00:41:11,428
i isprobati nešto novo…
703
00:41:11,512 --> 00:41:13,013
Analni seks. Ne, šalim se.
704
00:41:13,888 --> 00:41:15,933
Obožavam analni. Daj mi lubrikant.
705
00:41:16,017 --> 00:41:17,142
Ali…
706
00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:22,272
Upisala sam se na tečaj twerkanja.
707
00:41:22,773 --> 00:41:25,692
Tamo sam bila ja i 11 bjelkinja.
708
00:41:27,820 --> 00:41:29,363
Stigla sam ranije,
709
00:41:29,447 --> 00:41:31,948
imam debelo dupe. 22 para oči gledalo me.
710
00:41:32,032 --> 00:41:33,492
„Stigla je.
711
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:42,458
Uzdigla se kako bi nas naučila twerkati.“
712
00:41:43,752 --> 00:41:45,922
Rekla sam vam da sišem moć bjelkinja
713
00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:47,255
i uzimam im energiju.
714
00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:52,720
To! Ovo je za sve vas, Becky i Laura.
715
00:41:52,803 --> 00:41:55,347
Naučit ću vas kako se ovo radi! Hej!
716
00:41:56,307 --> 00:41:58,850
Ali onda je stigla instruktorica. „Ovdje.“
717
00:42:01,062 --> 00:42:03,855
Glazba je počela. Ja nemam ritma.
718
00:42:05,107 --> 00:42:08,235
Užasno je to saznati.
719
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,447
Moja guzica je bila kao cigla.
720
00:42:11,530 --> 00:42:13,782
„Odbijam pomaknuti se.“ Zaista.
721
00:42:15,158 --> 00:42:17,202
Beskorisna je. Kao Zvono slobode.
722
00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:19,203
Veliko je i ima rupu. Gledaju ga,
723
00:42:19,330 --> 00:42:21,165
beskorisno je. Mrzim Pennsylvaniju.
724
00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:31,217
U zvonu je detektor metala.
725
00:42:31,300 --> 00:42:33,510
Tko se raduje zvonu,
726
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:35,095
„Ding, dong!“
727
00:42:44,647 --> 00:42:46,690
Nakon tečaja bila sam jako tužna.
728
00:42:46,773 --> 00:42:49,192
Vraćala sam se do auta. „Jao.
729
00:42:49,693 --> 00:42:51,070
Kvragu.
730
00:42:55,198 --> 00:42:56,575
Ja sam loša crnkinja.“
731
00:42:56,658 --> 00:42:58,077
U redu.
732
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,578
Ne želim da bijelci to zapamte, u redu?
733
00:43:01,830 --> 00:43:03,957
Ja to smijem reći, loša sam crnkinja.
734
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,043
Razmišljala sam o tome
zašto sam loša crnkinja.
735
00:43:07,127 --> 00:43:09,087
Izgledam kao da znam pjevati.
736
00:43:15,677 --> 00:43:17,220
„Ta kuja je puna soula.“
737
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:18,555
Ne, nemam sluha.
738
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:20,057
Ali…
739
00:43:21,017 --> 00:43:22,727
Svaki put kad odem na karaoke,
740
00:43:22,810 --> 00:43:25,062
svi se vesele.
741
00:43:25,145 --> 00:43:26,647
Ja dođem, oni misle,
742
00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:31,443
„Aretha je stigla.
743
00:43:33,487 --> 00:43:36,240
Jennifer Hudson
prije nego što je smršavila.“
744
00:43:37,742 --> 00:43:39,743
Gonite se. To je savršena šala.
745
00:43:46,917 --> 00:43:48,418
Znam da ne znam pjevati.
746
00:43:48,502 --> 00:43:51,172
Malo ih zadirkujem.
„Možda hoću, možda neću.
747
00:43:51,255 --> 00:43:52,882
Možda hoću, ne mogu.
748
00:43:52,965 --> 00:43:54,717
Možda hoću. Ne.“
749
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,885
Onda se napijem. „Ispričavam se.
750
00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:02,223
Učinit ću to.“
751
00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,933
I
752
00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:07,187
popnem se na pozornicu.
Njišem se izvan ritma.
753
00:44:11,567 --> 00:44:13,027
Svi misle da ću se snaći.
754
00:44:13,110 --> 00:44:14,403
Neću.
755
00:44:16,363 --> 00:44:19,073
Onda počnem pjevati. Potrudit ću se.
756
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:21,702
Do you believe in love after love ?
757
00:44:21,785 --> 00:44:23,203
After love
758
00:44:23,287 --> 00:44:24,830
Nije dobro, loše je.
759
00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:26,582
Cher bi me upucala.
760
00:44:26,665 --> 00:44:27,958
Ali…
761
00:44:28,792 --> 00:44:32,378
Pjevala sam tu pjesmu
762
00:44:32,462 --> 00:44:35,007
i kad sam utihnula,
netko je viknuo „Gadno!“
763
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,393
U redu. Još nešto o meni.
764
00:44:46,477 --> 00:44:48,437
Već sam to rekla sto puta,
765
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:49,938
nisam u vezi.
766
00:44:50,022 --> 00:44:52,273
Razmišljala sam.
767
00:44:52,357 --> 00:44:53,733
„Nicole,
768
00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:56,903
kako si bila u vezama duljim od tri spoja?
769
00:44:56,987 --> 00:44:59,030
Kako?“
770
00:44:59,155 --> 00:45:00,198
Razmišljala sam.
771
00:45:00,282 --> 00:45:01,992
Lagala sam im.
772
00:45:03,827 --> 00:45:06,163
Muškarci vole opuštenu djevojku.
773
00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:08,582
Opuštenu djevojku.
774
00:45:08,998 --> 00:45:10,125
Opuštenu.
775
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:12,293
A ja nisam opuštena, ja sam luda.
776
00:45:14,463 --> 00:45:17,382
Naglas tipu govorim normalne stvari
777
00:45:17,465 --> 00:45:20,718
i razmišljam o ludostima. Naglas
778
00:45:20,802 --> 00:45:22,262
govorim…
779
00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:24,263
„Da, baš si duhovit.
780
00:45:24,347 --> 00:45:26,142
Idemo na piće. Tko, ja?
781
00:45:26,225 --> 00:45:27,517
Volim tacose.“
782
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:29,102
A onda…
783
00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:34,148
Onda razmišljam o ludostima.
784
00:45:34,232 --> 00:45:37,027
„Zašto mi ne odgovoriš na poruku
za 30 sekundi?
785
00:45:39,905 --> 00:45:42,323
Hoćeš li me ikada voljeti više nego psa?
786
00:45:44,702 --> 00:45:46,662
Prošla su samo tri mjeseca,
787
00:45:46,745 --> 00:45:49,707
ali ako umreš, idem li na tvoj sprovod?
788
00:45:49,790 --> 00:45:51,583
Hoću li upoznati tvoju majku?“
789
00:45:58,257 --> 00:45:59,550
To nije šala.
790
00:45:59,633 --> 00:46:00,842
To…
791
00:46:01,885 --> 00:46:04,472
To sam rekla prijateljici.
792
00:46:05,138 --> 00:46:07,515
Rekla je, „Kujo, saberi se.“
793
00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:11,102
Promatrala sam parove u divljini.
794
00:46:11,187 --> 00:46:12,813
Mislim da sve znam.
795
00:46:13,647 --> 00:46:15,773
Prevarite ih glumeći da ste opušteni.
796
00:46:16,525 --> 00:46:18,610
Nakon dva mjeseca
797
00:46:18,693 --> 00:46:20,737
možete biti ludi.
798
00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:25,992
Vi se u javnosti svađate
oko suludih stvari.
799
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:29,453
Ja to želim.
800
00:46:31,165 --> 00:46:33,083
Želim biti u dizalu s dečkom
801
00:46:33,167 --> 00:46:34,375
i šest žrtava.
802
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:35,627
I…
803
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,217
Želim ga pogledati, viši je od mene…
804
00:46:41,300 --> 00:46:43,927
Hej, napravimo bebu.
805
00:46:46,180 --> 00:46:48,515
„Nicole, sad nije dobar trenutak.“
806
00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:51,352
Nikad nije dobar trenutak.
807
00:46:52,435 --> 00:46:54,730
Ni ne želim bebu. Želim da ljudi znaju
808
00:46:54,813 --> 00:46:56,357
da ćemo o tome pričati.
809
00:46:59,442 --> 00:47:02,237
Bila sam u supermarketu
pokraj voća i povrća.
810
00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:03,655
Hvala.
811
00:47:03,780 --> 00:47:05,032
I…
812
00:47:06,157 --> 00:47:10,328
Par je kupovao jabuke. Ona ga je pitala,
813
00:47:16,710 --> 00:47:19,838
„Ti si crveni delišes, što sam ja?“
814
00:47:20,380 --> 00:47:23,008
On je rekao, „Ne znam, Granny Smith.“
815
00:47:26,553 --> 00:47:29,013
Kako je ta žena reagirala.
816
00:47:29,598 --> 00:47:31,225
Odgurnula je kolica.
817
00:47:31,308 --> 00:47:33,310
„Granny Smith?“
818
00:47:35,853 --> 00:47:37,438
Onda su se bijesno ševili.
819
00:47:37,730 --> 00:47:39,608
Ja to želim.
820
00:47:41,235 --> 00:47:42,945
Nedavno sam bila u restoranu
821
00:47:43,070 --> 00:47:44,988
i prisluškivala par.
822
00:47:45,072 --> 00:47:46,907
Konobar je došao
823
00:47:47,032 --> 00:47:48,450
i pitao, „Kako je sve?“
824
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:50,035
Ona: „Smiješna priča.
825
00:47:50,868 --> 00:47:54,372
Kad smo dobili hranu,
zamijenila sam svoje jelo njegovim.“
826
00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:57,500
Kuja mu je ukrala hranu.
827
00:47:59,085 --> 00:48:00,545
Postoje pravila.
828
00:48:00,628 --> 00:48:02,130
On je došao u restoran.
829
00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:04,090
Sjeo je, pogledao jelovnik.
830
00:48:04,173 --> 00:48:06,092
„Želim ovo, sviđa mi se.“
831
00:48:06,175 --> 00:48:08,387
Ona je rekla ne. Razumijete li?
832
00:48:08,678 --> 00:48:10,930
Vjerojatno ju je dobro izjebao.
833
00:48:11,013 --> 00:48:12,307
Ja to želim!
834
00:48:15,685 --> 00:48:18,688
Želim se loše ponašati u javnosti,
a u tajnosti
835
00:48:18,772 --> 00:48:21,483
on će me podnositi. Razumijete li?
836
00:48:21,817 --> 00:48:24,778
Želim iscrpljenog muškarca. To želim.
837
00:48:25,403 --> 00:48:26,738
Iscrpljenog muškarca.
838
00:48:26,863 --> 00:48:29,490
Želim ga dovesti na tulum.
„Ovo je moj dečko.“
839
00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,825
A on…
840
00:48:36,707 --> 00:48:38,167
„Volim je.“
841
00:48:40,460 --> 00:48:41,712
Želim iscrpljenog.
842
00:48:41,795 --> 00:48:43,797
Ako je umoran, ne može pobjeći!
843
00:48:44,505 --> 00:48:46,508
Razmišljala sam.
844
00:48:46,592 --> 00:48:48,802
Kako da nađem iscrpljenog muškarca?
845
00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:50,345
Kako?
846
00:48:53,348 --> 00:48:54,473
I sjetila sam se.
847
00:48:54,557 --> 00:48:56,560
Nekoga ću upoznati tradicionalno.
848
00:48:56,643 --> 00:48:59,062
Napuštam aplikacije, upoznat ću ga u baru.
849
00:48:59,478 --> 00:49:01,440
Sjedim u baru
850
00:49:01,523 --> 00:49:02,898
i razgovaram s tipom.
851
00:49:02,983 --> 00:49:05,318
On: „Hej, ja sam Dave.
852
00:49:05,402 --> 00:49:07,403
Jako volim knjige.“
853
00:49:13,077 --> 00:49:15,787
Dobro, Dave,
854
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,747
kakve knjige voliš?
855
00:49:18,082 --> 00:49:20,125
„One pune opisa
856
00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:21,668
koje ti dočaraju prizor.“
857
00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:25,797
Znači knjige?
858
00:49:27,715 --> 00:49:29,802
Ne mogu jebati glupana.
859
00:49:29,885 --> 00:49:33,680
Počela sam flertati s barmenom.
860
00:49:33,763 --> 00:49:36,015
„Hej, ja sam Benny.
861
00:49:36,098 --> 00:49:37,642
Kao 'Bennie and the Jets'.“
862
00:49:39,602 --> 00:49:41,605
Da, čula sam za ime „Benny“.
863
00:49:43,565 --> 00:49:46,025
Ne trebam opis. Znaš li što je knjiga?
864
00:49:46,108 --> 00:49:47,110
Rekao je „Znam“.
865
00:49:47,193 --> 00:49:48,278
Poslužit ćeš.
866
00:49:48,362 --> 00:49:50,155
I…
867
00:49:50,822 --> 00:49:52,907
Prenoćila sam u hotelu iznad bara
868
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:54,868
jer je praktičnost nužna.
869
00:49:54,952 --> 00:49:56,620
I…
870
00:49:57,078 --> 00:49:58,913
On je došao nakon posla,
871
00:49:58,997 --> 00:50:00,707
pokucao je na vrata.
872
00:50:00,832 --> 00:50:02,583
Otvorila sam ih, vidjela ga
873
00:50:02,667 --> 00:50:04,418
s posudom punom piletine.
874
00:50:05,670 --> 00:50:07,338
Ne pohane piletine.
875
00:50:07,422 --> 00:50:10,383
O tome bismo trebali porazgovarati.
876
00:50:11,510 --> 00:50:14,888
„Benny, ne poznajemo se
dovoljno dobro da bi bilo smiješno.“
877
00:50:24,230 --> 00:50:26,357
Posuda piletine sa žara.
878
00:50:26,900 --> 00:50:28,610
Pitala sam, „Benny,
879
00:50:29,027 --> 00:50:31,697
zašto imaš posudu punu piletine?“
880
00:50:31,780 --> 00:50:33,073
Rekao je, „Proteini“.
881
00:50:35,367 --> 00:50:37,410
To je odgovor, znate.
882
00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:41,582
Ali ne odgovor koji sam tražila.
883
00:50:41,665 --> 00:50:43,958
„Benny, piletinu stavi na stol.
884
00:50:44,042 --> 00:50:46,920
Ne na noćni ormarić.“
885
00:50:47,003 --> 00:50:49,422
Ne mogu ga jahati i gledati proteine.
886
00:50:51,925 --> 00:50:53,008
To nisu proteini
887
00:50:53,093 --> 00:50:54,635
koje sam ja htjela.
888
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,057
Zabrijali smo.
889
00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:00,683
Zaslinila sam ga.
890
00:51:00,767 --> 00:51:02,852
Pušila sam mu i…
891
00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:06,482
Napola mu se dignuo.
„Brzo, stavi ga unutra.“
892
00:51:07,273 --> 00:51:09,860
Ako ga stavi, možeš raditi Kegelove vježbe
893
00:51:09,985 --> 00:51:11,318
kako bi ostao budan.
894
00:51:11,528 --> 00:51:14,072
A i osjećaš se kao grabilica.
895
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,877
Kakva glupa šala.
896
00:51:28,962 --> 00:51:31,047
Benny je na meni i ja mu kažem,
897
00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:32,757
„Hej, davi me.“
898
00:51:33,175 --> 00:51:34,968
Odrasla sam i želim svršiti.
899
00:51:35,052 --> 00:51:36,052
I…
900
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,848
Benny je pristao.
901
00:51:40,140 --> 00:51:41,725
I počeo me daviti.
902
00:51:41,808 --> 00:51:44,768
Shvatila sam da nije u meni.
903
00:51:45,562 --> 00:51:49,023
Udarao je svojom
poludignutom kitom o moje bedro.
904
00:51:50,150 --> 00:51:51,777
Pogledala sam ga i rekla,
905
00:51:53,612 --> 00:51:55,113
„Samo me ubijaš.“
906
00:52:09,002 --> 00:52:12,463
Ne znam jeste li ikad vidjeli
lice muškarca koji vas ubija
907
00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:14,842
bez namjere,
908
00:52:14,925 --> 00:52:16,383
smiješno je.
909
00:52:17,927 --> 00:52:19,553
Benny je rekao, „Okreni se.“
910
00:52:19,637 --> 00:52:20,847
Razumijem.
911
00:52:20,930 --> 00:52:22,723
Ni ja ne bih gledala žrtvu.
912
00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:29,147
Benny je iza mene rekao
nešto što nikad neću zaboraviti.
913
00:52:30,065 --> 00:52:31,650
Rekao je, „Ajme.
914
00:52:31,733 --> 00:52:33,360
Izgleda kao mokra tjestenina.“
915
00:52:44,370 --> 00:52:47,332
Sve cure žele to čuti.
916
00:52:49,125 --> 00:52:50,460
Rekla sam, „Znaš što?
917
00:52:50,543 --> 00:52:53,338
Tjestenina je odlična
s piletinom, doviđenja.“
918
00:52:53,547 --> 00:52:54,505
I…
919
00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:03,265
Vratila sam se aplikacijama.
920
00:53:03,348 --> 00:53:05,183
Moram reći
921
00:53:05,267 --> 00:53:07,935
da se vi muškarci loše ponašate.
922
00:53:08,978 --> 00:53:11,313
Ne znam zašto i dalje šaljete slike kite.
923
00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:12,982
Mislila sam da je jasno.
924
00:53:13,065 --> 00:53:14,775
Ne želimo ih.
925
00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:16,653
Šalje li netko ovdje slike?
926
00:53:29,165 --> 00:53:30,833
Mogu li te nešto pitati?
927
00:53:31,250 --> 00:53:32,793
Jesi li homoseksualac?
928
00:53:32,877 --> 00:53:34,128
Što me odalo?
929
00:53:36,255 --> 00:53:39,675
Šalješ ih ljudima koje ih žele, zar ne?
930
00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:41,177
Imaš pristanak.
931
00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:42,428
Zaista?
932
00:53:42,512 --> 00:53:43,888
„Želiš vidjeti kitu?“
933
00:53:43,972 --> 00:53:45,682
Je li to…
934
00:53:45,765 --> 00:53:46,892
Piše im na profilu.
935
00:53:46,975 --> 00:53:48,058
Zaista?
936
00:53:48,142 --> 00:53:50,770
Prihvaćaju li slike ili ne.
937
00:53:51,062 --> 00:53:52,563
Gayevi znaju što rade.
938
00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:55,275
Koji kurac?
939
00:53:55,358 --> 00:53:57,610
Mi to trebamo.
940
00:53:57,693 --> 00:53:59,487
Mene nitko ništa nije pitao.
941
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,238
„Pogledaj moju kitu.
942
00:54:02,532 --> 00:54:04,200
I metlu za usporedbu.“
943
00:54:04,283 --> 00:54:05,952
Koji ku…
944
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,882
Stvarno, ne želim slike kite.
945
00:54:19,967 --> 00:54:21,885
Beskorisne su.
946
00:54:21,968 --> 00:54:25,555
Ne pomažu.
Kao da nekome šaljete upute iz IKEE.
947
00:54:27,223 --> 00:54:29,517
Ako ste vidjeli 4 kite, vidjeli ste sve.
948
00:54:30,602 --> 00:54:32,187
Velika, mala, zakrivljena i ravna.
949
00:54:32,270 --> 00:54:33,522
To je sve, četiri.
950
00:54:34,938 --> 00:54:37,400
U Buffalu u New Yorku
jedna je cura viknula,
951
00:54:37,483 --> 00:54:39,318
„Što je s tankima?“
952
00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:41,738
Kujo, to je tvoje putovanje.
953
00:54:46,117 --> 00:54:48,662
Nikad nisam vidjela tanku kitu.
954
00:54:49,078 --> 00:54:50,413
Zar jebeš olovke?
955
00:54:50,497 --> 00:54:52,665
Što ti je?
956
00:54:52,748 --> 00:54:54,625
Dečko ti se zove „Ticonderoga“?
957
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:56,460
Nikad nisam vidjela…
958
00:54:58,547 --> 00:55:00,048
tanku kitu.
959
00:55:00,632 --> 00:55:02,133
Ako niste razumjeli šalu,
960
00:55:02,217 --> 00:55:04,052
to je bila vrsta olovke.
961
00:55:07,888 --> 00:55:10,725
Postoje četiri: velika, mala,
zakrivljena i ravna.
962
00:55:10,808 --> 00:55:13,310
Postoje varijacije.
963
00:55:16,857 --> 00:55:19,942
Velika i ravna,
velika i zakrivljena, velika i mala.
964
00:55:20,027 --> 00:55:21,527
Kakvo užasno iznenađenje.
965
00:55:22,487 --> 00:55:24,238
Skine hlače i pomisliš,
966
00:55:24,322 --> 00:55:26,365
„Jao, razvalit će me.“
967
00:55:26,448 --> 00:55:28,910
A onda te jebe.
968
00:55:28,993 --> 00:55:30,578
„Mogla sam računati porez.“
969
00:55:33,832 --> 00:55:36,710
Postoje mala i ravna, mala i velika.
970
00:55:36,793 --> 00:55:38,712
Kakvo ugodno iznenađenje.
971
00:55:39,253 --> 00:55:41,505
Skine hlače i pomisliš, „Što god.“
972
00:55:42,090 --> 00:55:43,967
A kasnije zoveš prijateljicu.
973
00:55:44,050 --> 00:55:45,843
„Curo, natukao mi je cerviks.“
974
00:55:47,970 --> 00:55:50,223
Puno vas pita se što je cerviks.
975
00:55:53,893 --> 00:55:56,103
Najgora je mala i zakrivljena.
976
00:55:56,187 --> 00:55:58,565
Fuj! Jao!
977
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,277
Mala i zakrivljena? Fuj!
978
00:56:02,818 --> 00:56:05,155
Kao da jebeš vješalicu, to je za kasnije.
979
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,835
Da, šala o abortusu!
980
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:25,967
Zamaskirana u šalu o kiti!
981
00:56:26,843 --> 00:56:28,928
Znam da se nekima nije svidjela.
982
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:34,183
Donirajte novac
udruzi za planirano roditeljstvo.
983
00:56:42,067 --> 00:56:43,985
Neću završiti sa šalom o abortusu
984
00:56:44,068 --> 00:56:45,695
jer sam ispravno odgojena.
985
00:56:49,698 --> 00:56:51,910
Puno vremena provodim na aerodromima
986
00:56:51,993 --> 00:56:53,118
i u avionima.
987
00:56:53,202 --> 00:56:55,330
Ne želim generalizirati,
988
00:56:55,413 --> 00:56:56,832
ja nisam takva.
989
00:56:56,915 --> 00:56:58,165
Nisam. Ali…
990
00:56:59,792 --> 00:57:02,003
Svi stjuardi su gay.
991
00:57:02,087 --> 00:57:03,588
Svi.
992
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,173
Do posljednjega.
993
00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:08,217
Mogu li dobiti jastuk?
994
00:57:08,300 --> 00:57:09,427
A oni…
995
00:57:25,443 --> 00:57:28,195
Oprostite,
996
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:30,365
vi ste mi odbrusili?
997
00:57:32,117 --> 00:57:35,077
Kad su bili maleni, netko im je rekao,
998
00:57:35,203 --> 00:57:36,578
„Presjajan si za Zemlju,
999
00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:37,913
moraš ići do neba.“
1000
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,305
Na jednom sam letu
nosila ogrlicu s imenom.
1001
00:57:54,388 --> 00:57:57,017
Moje ime, Nicole, samo šest slova,
1002
00:57:57,100 --> 00:57:58,935
ali zauzimaju moja prsa.
1003
00:58:00,228 --> 00:58:02,022
Prijateljica ju je kupila
1004
00:58:02,105 --> 00:58:03,188
i zlatar je pitao,
1005
00:58:03,272 --> 00:58:04,857
„Sigurno želite tako veliku?“
1006
00:58:04,940 --> 00:58:06,358
„Da,
1007
00:58:06,442 --> 00:58:08,068
prijateljica nema ukusa.“
1008
00:58:12,657 --> 00:58:14,575
Nosila sam tu ogrlicu na letu,
1009
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:16,077
stjuard je rekao,
1010
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:17,912
„Vi ste sigurno Nicole.“
1011
00:58:17,995 --> 00:58:19,955
Da, moja ogrlica.
1012
00:58:20,038 --> 00:58:22,458
„Da, ali znam vas i iz Girl Codea,
1013
00:58:22,542 --> 00:58:24,168
mislim da ste duhoviti.“
1014
00:58:24,252 --> 00:58:26,253
Uvijek je lijepo
1015
00:58:26,337 --> 00:58:28,088
kad ti kažu da vole tvoj rad
1016
00:58:28,172 --> 00:58:30,173
i da si duhovita. Često se pitam
1017
00:58:30,258 --> 00:58:33,260
voli li me itko ili misli da sam duhovita.
1018
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:35,347
Na Redditu ne misle.
1019
00:58:38,182 --> 00:58:40,477
Stjuard me pitao, „Želite li piće?“
1020
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:41,518
Da, molim.
1021
00:58:41,602 --> 00:58:43,020
Mogu li dobiti votku?
1022
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:44,897
Rekao je „Može.
1023
00:58:44,980 --> 00:58:47,025
Može, može.“
1024
00:58:47,192 --> 00:58:49,277
Onda je donesi.
1025
00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:56,450
Što je ovo?
1026
00:58:57,118 --> 00:59:00,580
Donio mi je tri bočice votke
1027
00:59:00,663 --> 00:59:01,872
i malo vode.
1028
00:59:01,957 --> 00:59:03,415
Krećemo.
1029
00:59:04,667 --> 00:59:06,460
Popila sam to, vratio se
1030
00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:07,795
i pitao, „Još jedna?“
1031
00:59:07,878 --> 00:59:08,963
Da, molim.
1032
00:59:11,257 --> 00:59:13,677
Donio je još tri i ja sam rekla, „Idemo“.
1033
00:59:17,347 --> 00:59:19,890
Popila sam to, vratio se, „Još jedna?“
1034
00:59:19,973 --> 00:59:22,685
Ne znam reći ne.
1035
00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:28,692
Donio mi je još tri.
1036
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:31,860
Ako ste brojali,
1037
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:35,782
to je devet bočica votke
1038
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:38,158
na noćnom letu od četiri i pol sata.
1039
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:44,915
Svi spavaju,
1040
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:46,960
a ja nikad nisam bila pijanija.
1041
00:59:51,297 --> 00:59:52,965
Sjedila sam i pomislila,
1042
00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:55,133
„Što da se valjam u prolazu?“
1043
00:59:59,763 --> 01:00:03,600
Zamislite da sam se počela valjati.
1044
01:00:04,977 --> 01:00:07,022
Što bi rekli kontroli leta?
1045
01:00:07,105 --> 01:00:09,732
„Moramo sletjeti,
a crna kuja ne želi sjesti.“
1046
01:00:11,275 --> 01:00:12,610
Ali onda,
1047
01:00:12,777 --> 01:00:14,112
znala sam što ću.
1048
01:00:14,195 --> 01:00:16,280
Neću se valjati.
1049
01:00:16,613 --> 01:00:18,825
Gledat ću Povratak u budućnost.
1050
01:00:22,328 --> 01:00:24,413
Gledala sam Povratak u budućnost
1051
01:00:24,497 --> 01:00:26,582
kao da mi je prvi put.
1052
01:00:27,500 --> 01:00:30,210
Udarala sam koljena i smijala se.
1053
01:00:31,878 --> 01:00:33,923
Bila sam blizu ekranu.
1054
01:00:39,928 --> 01:00:41,097
Mislila sam,
1055
01:00:41,180 --> 01:00:43,808
„Marty i Doc
imaju veliku razliku u godinama.
1056
01:00:46,227 --> 01:00:48,270
Je li Lorraine ikada sigurna?“
1057
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,230
I…
1058
01:00:50,313 --> 01:00:53,860
Sletjeli smo u 7 h,
1059
01:00:53,943 --> 01:00:55,820
Shake Shack je otvoren.
1060
01:00:57,613 --> 01:01:00,450
Naglas sam nikome rekla,
1061
01:01:00,783 --> 01:01:02,952
„Isus voli svoje dijete.“
1062
01:01:11,835 --> 01:01:13,253
Bila sam blagoslovljena.
1063
01:01:13,337 --> 01:01:14,630
I…
1064
01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:19,052
Dovukla sam se do šanka i naručila hranu.
1065
01:01:19,135 --> 01:01:20,637
Poslužitelj je rekao,
1066
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,263
„Vi ste sigurno Nicole.“
1067
01:01:22,347 --> 01:01:25,433
Odgovorila sam,
„Znaš tko sam jer sam poznata!“
1068
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:37,237
Poznati ljudi ne moraju to raditi.
1069
01:01:38,947 --> 01:01:41,323
A i vidio je moju ogrlicu.
1070
01:01:42,242 --> 01:01:45,077
Dao mi je hranu za van. Njegova odluka.
1071
01:01:48,247 --> 01:01:51,250
Lutala sam aerodromom s vrećicom hrane.
1072
01:01:51,333 --> 01:01:53,920
„Bože, idem na zahod, moram pišati.“
1073
01:01:54,295 --> 01:01:59,925
Donijela sam hranu u zahod
i počela sam pišati.
1074
01:02:00,008 --> 01:02:01,802
Budimo iskreni, srala sam.
1075
01:02:03,888 --> 01:02:05,515
I dok sam srala,
1076
01:02:05,598 --> 01:02:07,642
hamburger je odlično mirisao.
1077
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:14,107
I počela sam ga jesti.
1078
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:18,068
Nisam u vezi!
1079
01:02:20,613 --> 01:02:22,782
Onda sam shvatila što radim
1080
01:02:22,865 --> 01:02:24,700
i počela plakati.
1081
01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:30,247
Plakala sam, jela hamburger i srala.
1082
01:02:31,873 --> 01:02:33,125
Pomislila sam,
1083
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:36,587
„Znam kako ću se razveseliti,
otpjevat ću nešto.“
1084
01:02:43,427 --> 01:02:47,473
Počela sam pjevati „Negdje iznad duge“.
1085
01:02:49,017 --> 01:02:51,935
Dok sam plakala, jela hamburger i srala.
1086
01:02:53,687 --> 01:02:56,732
Onda sam pogledala dolje
i vidjela dva stopala.
1087
01:03:00,318 --> 01:03:03,155
Umjesto da prestanem sa svime,
1088
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:05,700
ja sam pokucala.
1089
01:03:07,952 --> 01:03:11,497
„Oprostite,
1090
01:03:11,580 --> 01:03:13,790
inače nisam ovakva.“
1091
01:03:20,923 --> 01:03:24,510
Ta žena nije rekla ništa
jer je normalna odrasla osoba.
1092
01:03:31,475 --> 01:03:35,062
Tad sam shvatila da je zahod pun žena.
1093
01:03:37,105 --> 01:03:39,775
Sve su se polako micale.
1094
01:03:40,568 --> 01:03:44,363
„Ne znam koji je vrag iza vrata.
1095
01:03:45,782 --> 01:03:48,952
Ne znam kakvo je to čudovište.
1096
01:03:49,535 --> 01:03:53,205
Gloria, propustit ću let
kako bih vidjela što je to!“
1097
01:03:59,170 --> 01:04:01,547
Gloriji i prijateljicama rekla sam:
1098
01:04:01,630 --> 01:04:03,925
„Hej, dobro sam.“
1099
01:04:07,220 --> 01:04:10,430
Iskreno, prošla godina i pol
bila je poprilično usrana,
1100
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:12,558
ali mislim da će sve biti u redu.
1101
01:04:12,642 --> 01:04:15,227
Hvala vam na dolasku.
1102
01:04:16,312 --> 01:04:17,397
Zaista.
1103
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,648
Hvala vam. Želim vam ugodnu večer.
1104
01:04:32,370 --> 01:04:33,662
{\an8}Moram se jebati
1105
01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:43,672
Ne trebam ništa, živa sam !
1106
01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:13,660
{\an8}Ako mi ne daš, koji kurac ?
1107
01:05:16,747 --> 01:05:18,540
{\an8}Odlično !
1108
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:20,250
{\an8}Prijevod titlova: Iva Jurat