WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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No! I don't want to!

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Come on! You're on in ten seconds!

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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-Break a leg!
-I can't, Pablo.

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-How do you feel?
-Like shit.

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-Why?
-I'm freaking out!

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But why? It's your second Netflix special.

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-It's all fine!
-I don't want to do it.

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I'm freaking out, bro!

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It's hard! I can't.

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You've been rehearsing
for three months now!

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Nothing will happen. It'll be fine.

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-Focus.
-Yeah.

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Do you remember what you told Bianca
when she started high school?

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-"This is a waste of time!"
-No, the other thing.

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-"Play hooky all the time!"
-No!

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She refused to go in.
You looked her in the eyes and said,

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"Bianca, courage is not
the absence of fear.

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Courage is facing the challenge
by overcoming your fear."

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I didn't say that.

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If I did, I'm a prick
because I don't buy it.

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Just breathe.

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It's too hard.

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They've already paid you.

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We can't back down. We signed a contract.

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Count to three.

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-One…
-One…

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-Two…
-Get in there!

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It's an empty house!

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Son of a bitch.

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All right.

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I could paint you a thousand images
to show what loneliness means to me.

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A little boy in a shopping mall,
completely alone, looking for his parents.

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He's lost, and doesn't know what to do.

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A Bedouin walking through the Sahara,

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surrounded by sand,
and with just the sun for company.

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A sailboat sinking in the high seas.

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So alone.

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A child in that sailboat,
surrounded by sand,

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with the sun for company
and a Bedouin in the cabin.

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But do you want to know
what loneliness is for a comedian?

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This is loneliness.

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An absolutely empty house.

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One of the most important theaters
in Buenos Aires.

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There are 1,300 seats here,
and not one person.

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Not a single one.
We're in a pandemic, after all.

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Just the cameras here.

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Mind you, this special
will have a laugh track.

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Recorded laughter.

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If everything goes to plan,
you will outlaugh the laugh track.

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A laugh track for a lonely comedian
is like homeopathy.

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We don't know if it works,
but it makes me feel good.

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You don't know what it's like to be here.
It's so cold! And so drafty!

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I should be used to it.
I was born in Bahía Blanca.

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A city that is about 437 kilometers
from the capital,

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where we are now.

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Next to the sea.
It's so cold! And so drafty!

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The wind in Bahía Blanca
comes out of nowhere.

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Suddenly, it messes up your plans.

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People of Bahía Blanca
are used to walking at a 45-degree angle

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just so the wind
doesn't knock us on our asses.

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I come from an Italian and Basque family.
Very intense and passionate.

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Just barely middle class.

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Closer to one-quarter class.
Not quite poor, but strapped.

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We spent our summer vacations
in Monte Hermoso.

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Was it because we liked it?
No. It was close. And cheap.

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Off we'd go. My mother, my father,
my brother and I.

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Where? To the beach.
That was it. We'd go to the beach.

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Only the beach.

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No dining out, no corn on the cob,
no ice cream. Nothing!

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Beach vendors could see
how strapped my parents were,

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they didn't even bother
to offer us anything.

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"Popcicles! Chocolate…

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…ice cream!"

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They didn't bother
because it'd be pointless.

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Wasted effort.

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I loved the nights in Monte.

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We'd go to the arcade.

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A corner

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with a wild horde
of kids playing video games,

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and they'd plant me, in the Daytona USA.

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I'd grab the wheel and start the game.

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First corner… Bam! I'd crash.

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"What is this? I turned!"

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I'd start again.

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Same corner. Bam! Crash.

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"Mom! I was spot on!"
Start again. Same corner, crash again.

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"Insert coin."

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I look over to other kids.

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My peers, playing The Whack-A-Mole.

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The mole pops up and you whack it.

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The more moles you whack
within the time limit,

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the more tickets you get.
You take them to the kiosk

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and exchange 2,000 tickets for a lollipop.

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And there I was,
waiting 20 minutes for a mole to pop up.

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"It's broken, Mom."

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"No, Agustín, it's January,
it's not mole season."

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"They're screwing us, Manuel."

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Manuel is my brother.
"They didn't insert coins."

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The Worm Train game
was what gave my parents away.

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The Worm Train game was a fiberglass worm,

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playing a Korean song.

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The kid sits inside,

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the worm wriggles to Korean music,

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and the parents wait.

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Not in our case. I got inside the worm,

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the worm stayed still,
but my parents went like this.

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Of course, they tricked us.

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They were ashamed of being broke.

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We moved every two years.

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The lease expired and we had to move.

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We couldn't renew it,
had to find a new house.

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Sometimes a cheaper one. We made it work.

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My parents were embarrassed.
I don't know why, but they were.

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They didn't want us, my brother and I,
to realize we had moved.

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So what did they do? It was brilliant.

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They decorated the new house
as an exact replica of the previous one.

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"I can tell we moved, Dad.
I can't not notice!"

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"It's too obvious."

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I went over to play with Martin,
my neighbor.

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I rang the doorbell, and out came
a decrepit old man.

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"I can tell, Dad.
Either Martin is Benjamin Button,

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or he's on crack,
because yesterday he was fine."

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After moving so much,
I developed a personality that was…

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chickenshit, scaredy-pants.

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I used to be brave,
wasn't afraid of the dark or monsters.

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But each new house has so many new noises.

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I'd think, "There's something here.
This house is haunted."

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Now I don't like horror movies.

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I don't watch them. Ever.
Out of the question!

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No monster movies either.

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I get scared. I get nightmares.

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Monsters?
Maybe Monsters, Inc., but that's it.

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My girlfriend, Fernanda, suggested,

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"Let's watch The Nun." A new horror movie

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about a satanic nun that kills everyone.

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"No, honey, it's scary."

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"Agustín, come on.
Let's watch it. It's harmless."

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"I don't want to."

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"Let's watch The Nun, make it a date."

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"I don't want to."

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I thought, "I need to grow up.
At least, I'll watch the trailer."

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I look it up, put in on.
It starts like this.

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"In a chapel, a nun…"

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Enough. Pooped my pants.
All the way to my ankles.

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I couldn't even watch the trailer.
I don't like horrors.

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People go on and on about Stranger Things.
"Watch it. There are three seasons…"

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I don't want to, I'm scared.
I get nightmares.

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"Watch it."

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There are ads on the highway,
Stranger Things.

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"Watch it. There is a bald girl
that switches channels with her mind."

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I won't watch Stranger Things.

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They tried so hard that I went,

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"I don't want to miss out.
I have to watch it."

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I couldn't do it alone.
I asked my 12-year-old, Bianca.

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And she said, "It's too scary."

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"Bianca, let's watch it."

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"I'll get nightmares."

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"Honey, grow up, don't be silly.
Let's watch it, it's fine."

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"Dad, it's too scary."

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"I make the rules in this house.
We're watching Stranger Things."

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So I put on Stranger Things. Pressed play.

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One episode. We couldn't watch any more.
In broad daylight, at 5 p.m.

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And that night…

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"It's not real. Demogorgons
are made of latex. It's all fiction,"

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Bianca kept saying to me
until I fell asleep.

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I don't like horror movies.

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I was thinking about my father.

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Boy, is he intense! In everything he does.

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My old man is intense and antsy.

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It's a ticking bomb.
There's no way around it.

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He's insufferable.
Really, he's too intense.

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Intense to the point
when he'd ask a question

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and answer it himself. Unbearable.

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"How are you doing? Good? Looks that way."

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"Yesterday, not so fine. Better today.
Watched your video."

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"How's Bianca? Great, right?"

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"Will you tape the Netflix special?"

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"You must do the horn. People love it."

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"They always ask about Rada's horn!"

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"Is Bianca studying medicine?"

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"No, Dad, Bianca is 14. Give me a break!"

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He won't let me talk. He's too intense.

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He puts on his shoes before his socks.
He's too much!

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When he blows his nose,

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he blows so hard that we've always feared

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he'd have a stroke and be crippled.
He goes…

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His leg even kicks back.
That's how hard he blows!

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He's intense. Too intense.

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When my dad eats ice cream, he goes…

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He gets a brain freeze!
Until Mom comes with a warm towel,

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he won't snap out of it.

194
00:09:00.331 --> 00:09:01.541
My dad is very intense.

195
00:09:02.291 --> 00:09:05.169
There's an anecdote
I usually tell my friends.

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A story that defines Dad.
Should I tell it?

197
00:09:08.005 --> 00:09:09.382
Yeah? No? Should I?

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Yeah, I will. It's short.

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I'm going off script, but it's worth it.

200
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My dad is a ceramicist.
He likes pottery, or whatever.

201
00:09:17.056 --> 00:09:19.850
He's a creative guy.
Always makes stuff with wood too.

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He passed that on to me. The wood stuff.

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A while back,
I visited him in Bahía Blanca.

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I was having mate with Mom,
and Dad called me and said,

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"Come out here, Agustín."

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"Come on, come here, it'll take a minute!"

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I walked out. "What's up?"

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00:09:34.699 --> 00:09:35.992
"Listen. You know what?"

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00:09:36.075 --> 00:09:37.493
"Slow down, I can't…"

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00:09:37.577 --> 00:09:38.661
"Listen to me."

211
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"For a while now,

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I haven't had any ideas
for a pot or a vase."

213
00:09:43.082 --> 00:09:44.584
"You're an artist…"

214
00:09:44.667 --> 00:09:45.668
"I've read somewhere

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that artists usually take something
to stimulate imagination."

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"Do you have anything?"

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"I don't follow."

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"You know what I mean," he said. "Dad?"

219
00:09:56.470 --> 00:09:57.680
"Are you…?"

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"Are you asking me for pot?"

221
00:10:00.516 --> 00:10:02.101
"No! Mom will hear you!"

222
00:10:02.184 --> 00:10:05.313
"Mom smokes, Dad.
She smokes with her friends in Monte."

223
00:10:05.396 --> 00:10:07.356
"Don't ask me for illegal stuff."

224
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:09.066
"I don't have any, I don't use."

225
00:10:09.150 --> 00:10:11.485
"Really, I don't."

226
00:10:11.569 --> 00:10:13.904
"I'm mildly famous.
I have a teenage daughter."

227
00:10:13.988 --> 00:10:15.531
"I have to teach by example."

228
00:10:15.615 --> 00:10:17.533
"I don't have pot, really."

229
00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:23.372
"Luckily for you, I saw Ruter today."

230
00:10:23.456 --> 00:10:26.000
"Do you know Ruter?
He's an old friend of mine."

231
00:10:26.083 --> 00:10:28.919
"He's a farmer, he has a garden,
he likes to explore."

232
00:10:29.003 --> 00:10:32.298
"He makes hybrids,
experiments with grafts. Tomatoes, basil,

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but a little birdie
randomly brought him a Mary Jane seed."

234
00:10:35.468 --> 00:10:37.803
"You wouldn't believe
how much pot he has now!"

235
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"Every strain imaginable!"

236
00:10:39.597 --> 00:10:43.142
"Krippy, Kush, Sherbert,
Runtz, Mimosa, Zkittlez."

237
00:10:43.225 --> 00:10:44.518
"You'll get crazy high."

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00:10:44.602 --> 00:10:46.687
I said, "Dad, he brought me a jar."

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00:10:46.771 --> 00:10:48.230
"Now, please, pace yourself."

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"One puff, and wait for it."

241
00:10:49.815 --> 00:10:52.526
"It's like fishing.
Cast the line, wait for the bite."

242
00:10:52.610 --> 00:10:55.655
"You gotta be careful
because you're very intense."

243
00:10:55.738 --> 00:10:57.823
"No, I'm not…" "Dad, please."

244
00:10:58.824 --> 00:11:01.243
I gave him the jar
and returned to Buenos Aires.

245
00:11:01.327 --> 00:11:04.580
Many months later,
I was in the city of Cordoba,

246
00:11:04.664 --> 00:11:08.167
doing a double show
of a previous set, with the band.

247
00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:10.461
I went to my dressing room
between the shows,

248
00:11:10.878 --> 00:11:12.004
took my phone,

249
00:11:12.088 --> 00:11:16.509
and there were 12 missed calls
from my brother who lives in the USA.

250
00:11:16.592 --> 00:11:18.719
Also, 14 missed calls from my mom.

251
00:11:19.637 --> 00:11:22.848
It was clear to me
that Dad had died a tragic death.

252
00:11:22.932 --> 00:11:25.309
Otherwise, I'd have
missed calls from him too.

253
00:11:25.393 --> 00:11:27.478
I called my brother, thinking,

254
00:11:27.561 --> 00:11:31.273
"Did I say everything I wanted?
Did I really say goodbye?"

255
00:11:31.357 --> 00:11:32.692
"Manuel, what happened?"

256
00:11:32.775 --> 00:11:35.903
"Call Mom, Dad is going nuts."

257
00:11:35.986 --> 00:11:37.905
"What's up, Mom?"

258
00:11:37.988 --> 00:11:41.492
"What did you give your father?
He's high as a kite."

259
00:11:41.575 --> 00:11:42.451
I went like this.

260
00:11:42.535 --> 00:11:46.330
In the background, I could hear him go,
"Legalize marijuana!"

261
00:11:46.414 --> 00:11:48.165
I pictured my dad running around.

262
00:11:48.249 --> 00:11:49.792
I said, "Mom, calm down."

263
00:11:49.875 --> 00:11:52.086
She said, "Agustín, should I call 911?"

264
00:11:52.169 --> 00:11:56.257
"No, Mom, there's a pound of pot there.
We'll all go to jail. Even Bianca."

265
00:11:56.340 --> 00:11:58.008
"Relax, Mom, please."

266
00:11:58.092 --> 00:11:59.093
"What do I do then?"

267
00:11:59.176 --> 00:12:00.928
"Take Dad outside." "He won't go."

268
00:12:01.011 --> 00:12:02.596
"Throw out a cookie. He'll go."

269
00:12:02.680 --> 00:12:05.516
"Once he does and starts
running around in circles,

270
00:12:05.599 --> 00:12:07.518
hose him down. And when he comes down,

271
00:12:07.601 --> 00:12:10.730
give him chocolate.
Or a soda. Something with lots of sugar."

272
00:12:10.813 --> 00:12:13.190
"The guys in the band told me that sugar

273
00:12:13.691 --> 00:12:16.569
breaks down tetrahydrocannabinol,
and it'll sober him up."

274
00:12:16.652 --> 00:12:17.486
"See you later."

275
00:12:17.570 --> 00:12:20.781
That's how intense my dad is.
Insufferable. So intense.

276
00:12:20.865 --> 00:12:21.741
One time…

277
00:12:23.576 --> 00:12:25.202
Once we moved to a house

278
00:12:25.286 --> 00:12:27.413
that was smaller than the previous one.

279
00:12:27.496 --> 00:12:30.583
Unbearable. My dad insisted
we needed another room.

280
00:12:30.666 --> 00:12:32.209
"Dad, you'd already seen it."

281
00:12:32.293 --> 00:12:34.211
"We need another room."

282
00:12:34.295 --> 00:12:35.629
"We can't have it."

283
00:12:35.713 --> 00:12:39.049
"Why not? I put up a beam in the lightwell
and poke some holes."

284
00:12:39.133 --> 00:12:40.634
"Tin roofing, a window, a fan,

285
00:12:40.718 --> 00:12:43.304
a computer, some paintings,
and we have a new room."

286
00:12:43.387 --> 00:12:46.265
"Dad, no way you can build
a room in the lightwel."

287
00:12:46.348 --> 00:12:49.059
"Watch me." Two hours later,
he was hammering the wall.

288
00:12:51.312 --> 00:12:54.190
He poked, he installed,
he put up, he roofed.

289
00:12:54.273 --> 00:12:57.943
A new room… within five hours.

290
00:12:58.027 --> 00:13:01.655
Amazing. Electrical wiring,
lights, all perfect.

291
00:13:02.281 --> 00:13:05.367
And Mom, same as usual,

292
00:13:05.451 --> 00:13:09.622
was cheering Dad on
with a cup of mate in her hand, saying,

293
00:13:09.705 --> 00:13:12.374
"Roberto, you're a moron."

294
00:13:12.458 --> 00:13:16.212
"We're moving in the next 18 months!
This is a waste of money!"

295
00:13:17.129 --> 00:13:19.298
The kitchen is smaller

296
00:13:19.381 --> 00:13:20.966
The bathroom is bigger

297
00:13:21.050 --> 00:13:24.637
I can't do anything
Without a good credit score

298
00:13:25.221 --> 00:13:28.098
And all the doormen are called Ramón

299
00:13:28.182 --> 00:13:31.519
Every two years, I sing him this song

300
00:13:32.394 --> 00:13:35.856
Come home for dinner
I'll show my gratitude

301
00:13:35.940 --> 00:13:40.027
It's all still in boxes
I can't find the food

302
00:13:40.611 --> 00:13:43.322
I moved from the first to the sixth floor

303
00:13:43.405 --> 00:13:46.075
I can't find the key
Or I mixed it up again

304
00:13:48.077 --> 00:13:50.704
The security deposit
Is a one month's rent

305
00:13:50.788 --> 00:13:53.707
One, or two, or three for the commission

306
00:13:55.835 --> 00:13:58.754
The guarantee better be from Capital

307
00:13:58.838 --> 00:14:01.423
I can't imagine living here

308
00:14:01.507 --> 00:14:02.967
No, no!

309
00:14:03.050 --> 00:14:06.887
I don't believe in runes

310
00:14:06.971 --> 00:14:10.558
I don't buy into tarot

311
00:14:10.641 --> 00:14:14.270
Ludovica says
That in the Chinese Zodiac

312
00:14:14.353 --> 00:14:18.023
I'm a tenant

313
00:14:18.107 --> 00:14:20.150
The harmonica.

314
00:14:20.234 --> 00:14:22.236
I had a harmonica here. I had one…

315
00:14:22.319 --> 00:14:24.238
There's a box with harmonicas,

316
00:14:24.321 --> 00:14:26.365
a recorder, a VHS…

317
00:14:26.448 --> 00:14:29.201
Did you find…? I labeled it.

318
00:14:29.285 --> 00:14:30.369
Oh, fuck off.

319
00:14:31.537 --> 00:14:34.665
I travel light, like the wind

320
00:14:34.748 --> 00:14:38.502
I don't really have a flat

321
00:14:39.211 --> 00:14:42.506
A ukulele, the bed and the wardrobe

322
00:14:42.590 --> 00:14:45.426
Every two years, I gotta move

323
00:14:46.802 --> 00:14:49.638
I can't stand my neighbor

324
00:14:49.722 --> 00:14:52.850
We don't talk, it's a matter of skin

325
00:14:54.643 --> 00:14:57.354
I hate her shitty little dog

326
00:14:57.438 --> 00:15:00.190
She hates me because I smoke pot

327
00:15:00.274 --> 00:15:01.817
It's my Dad! Not my fault!

328
00:15:01.901 --> 00:15:04.361
I don't believe in runes

329
00:15:04.445 --> 00:15:05.404
No!

330
00:15:05.487 --> 00:15:08.782
I don't buy into tarot

331
00:15:09.325 --> 00:15:13.162
Ludovica says
That in the Chinese Zodiac

332
00:15:13.245 --> 00:15:17.458
I'm a tenant

333
00:15:21.837 --> 00:15:25.507
I like this Broadway ending
with an imaginary hat.

334
00:15:26.133 --> 00:15:28.427
"The thing about moving with toys

335
00:15:28.510 --> 00:15:32.640
is that they have to be small
and portable enough

336
00:15:32.723 --> 00:15:34.016
to fit in a box."

337
00:15:34.642 --> 00:15:36.560
That's what my parents always told me.

338
00:15:36.644 --> 00:15:37.686
I had two toys.

339
00:15:37.770 --> 00:15:39.104
And I was happy with that.

340
00:15:39.772 --> 00:15:43.609
I had a white ninja and a Rambo.

341
00:15:44.193 --> 00:15:46.070
You remember Rambo?

342
00:15:46.153 --> 00:15:48.989
They were great, right? I still have it.

343
00:15:49.490 --> 00:15:51.992
A Rambo with skinny jeans.

344
00:15:52.076 --> 00:15:54.578
Skinny jeans didn't even exist back then,

345
00:15:54.662 --> 00:15:57.748
and Rambo had thick thighs
and a crotch this size.

346
00:15:57.831 --> 00:16:01.919
"What's up with that, Rambo?
You're training too much, Rambo!"

347
00:16:02.002 --> 00:16:05.589
Arms this big, with his bandana,
all sweaty, with long hair.

348
00:16:05.673 --> 00:16:07.049
That Rambo was fine.

349
00:16:07.132 --> 00:16:09.093
He had a knife this long.

350
00:16:09.176 --> 00:16:11.178
It was like another dick, or something.

351
00:16:11.261 --> 00:16:13.889
I'd look at him and think,
"Come here, Rambo."

352
00:16:14.598 --> 00:16:16.767
"I'll kill you, bastard," says the Ninja.

353
00:16:16.850 --> 00:16:18.936
"I'm gonna slaughter you." "Go, go, go!"

354
00:16:25.859 --> 00:16:28.445
Sometimes you'd make them
snog a bit, right?

355
00:16:28.529 --> 00:16:30.072
Your action figures. No?

356
00:16:30.155 --> 00:16:32.449
You didn't flip him over
and give him some?

357
00:16:32.533 --> 00:16:34.702
He was flexible,
could handle all positions.

358
00:16:34.785 --> 00:16:37.121
Some kama… 69? Nobody?

359
00:16:37.204 --> 00:16:38.038
No?

360
00:16:38.122 --> 00:16:39.039
No…

361
00:16:39.581 --> 00:16:42.334
Never, man?
Never shoved a Rambo up your ass?

362
00:16:42.418 --> 00:16:43.836
When you were six or seven?

363
00:16:48.215 --> 00:16:50.384
I did. It was…

364
00:16:51.176 --> 00:16:54.096
It was a self-discovery time
with action figures.

365
00:16:54.179 --> 00:16:56.724
I was kind of obsessed
with action figure sex.

366
00:16:56.807 --> 00:16:59.309
I hid Rambo and took him everywhere.

367
00:16:59.393 --> 00:17:03.814
My cousin across the street, Paula,
had a different socioeconomic status.

368
00:17:03.897 --> 00:17:07.026
She had an awesome expensive dollhouse.

369
00:17:07.109 --> 00:17:08.318
She had 14 dolls.

370
00:17:08.402 --> 00:17:10.904
I took Rambo, went to Paula's to play,

371
00:17:10.988 --> 00:17:12.489
opened the door, threw him in.

372
00:17:12.573 --> 00:17:15.409
"This is gonna get ugly," I thought.

373
00:17:15.492 --> 00:17:17.536
I came back to find Rambo wearing makeup.

374
00:17:17.619 --> 00:17:21.081
"Good, Rambo! So progressive."
And I took him back.

375
00:17:22.708 --> 00:17:27.629
I couldn't care less
about Rambo, the dolls, and the ninja.

376
00:17:27.713 --> 00:17:31.550
I just wanted my parents
to buy me that thing I was dying to have.

377
00:17:31.633 --> 00:17:32.468
I never got it.

378
00:17:33.135 --> 00:17:36.513
It was just a simple toy.
I wanted nothing else.

379
00:17:37.056 --> 00:17:39.266
"I don't want a party,
I'll fast for a week."

380
00:17:39.349 --> 00:17:40.309
You know, I wanted…

381
00:17:42.019 --> 00:17:44.188
I wanted a plastic truck.

382
00:17:44.855 --> 00:17:46.148
An unbreakable one.

383
00:17:47.066 --> 00:17:51.653
I don't know what they were made of.
They were military-grade materials.

384
00:17:52.738 --> 00:17:54.364
An unbreakable truck.

385
00:17:54.448 --> 00:17:57.910
"Mom, buy me the truck.
Dad. I won't ask for anything else."

386
00:17:57.993 --> 00:18:00.621
"Buy me the truck. The truck."

387
00:18:00.704 --> 00:18:05.125
"The truck, truck, truck…"

388
00:18:05.709 --> 00:18:06.794
They never bought it.

389
00:18:06.877 --> 00:18:07.711
Never bought it.

390
00:18:08.629 --> 00:18:11.131
Still, I was very smart
for a six-year-old.

391
00:18:11.215 --> 00:18:12.883
I thought, "I'll get my own

392
00:18:12.966 --> 00:18:16.345
unbreakable plastic truck."

393
00:18:16.428 --> 00:18:19.264
I grabbed pen and paper, and wrote,

394
00:18:19.348 --> 00:18:20.808
"Dear Santa Claus,

395
00:18:20.891 --> 00:18:22.768
I'd love it if this Christmas

396
00:18:22.851 --> 00:18:26.438
you brought me
an unbreakable plastic truck."

397
00:18:27.648 --> 00:18:29.858
"Love, Agustín Aristarán."

398
00:18:29.942 --> 00:18:34.154
"P.S. Don't forget,
we moved three times this year."

399
00:18:34.238 --> 00:18:36.198
"Make sure it's the right house."

400
00:18:36.281 --> 00:18:39.326
"Love you loads, Agustín Aristarán."

401
00:18:39.409 --> 00:18:41.245
I drew a Christmas tree,

402
00:18:41.328 --> 00:18:44.248
a serving of turkey with gravy,
some mulled cider,

403
00:18:44.790 --> 00:18:48.836
and a lot of snow,
like we get every December in Argentina.

404
00:18:50.671 --> 00:18:52.923
And I sent the letter on August 22nd.

405
00:18:53.006 --> 00:18:55.217
I was a little anxious. And I waited.

406
00:18:55.801 --> 00:18:57.886
Waited in the living room

407
00:18:57.970 --> 00:19:01.140
where the Chrismas tree
would normally be put up.

408
00:19:04.935 --> 00:19:06.645
Two days later, Mom says,

409
00:19:06.728 --> 00:19:08.939
"Agustín, your father and I talked,

410
00:19:09.022 --> 00:19:12.943
and we think the unbreakable truck
is a little too expensive

411
00:19:13.026 --> 00:19:14.278
for Santa Claus."

412
00:19:15.320 --> 00:19:16.572
Fucking parents!

413
00:19:18.115 --> 00:19:19.741
"Do you go through my mail now?"

414
00:19:20.367 --> 00:19:21.618
I wrote another letter.

415
00:19:21.702 --> 00:19:22.870
"Dear Santa Claus,

416
00:19:22.953 --> 00:19:25.622
since the confidentiality
of my correspondence

417
00:19:25.706 --> 00:19:27.416
has been breached in this house,

418
00:19:27.499 --> 00:19:30.669
I'm sending this second letter
through other means."

419
00:19:30.752 --> 00:19:33.672
"Remember Mariano Brancamonte,
my schoolmate?"

420
00:19:33.755 --> 00:19:35.883
"The blonde simpleton
that sits behind me?"

421
00:19:35.966 --> 00:19:39.428
"Last year, he did not behave at all."

422
00:19:39.511 --> 00:19:42.931
"You still gave him
an 18-gear mountain bike and a headlight."

423
00:19:43.015 --> 00:19:45.601
"I, on the other hand,
was on my best behavior,

424
00:19:45.684 --> 00:19:48.395
and you gave me
an Incredible Hulk bubble blower."

425
00:19:49.188 --> 00:19:50.647
"I hate you, Santa!"

426
00:19:50.731 --> 00:19:52.816
"I expect that this year, at midnight,

427
00:19:52.900 --> 00:19:56.236
I'll find an unbreakable plastic truck
under the tree,

428
00:19:56.320 --> 00:19:59.281
because otherwise
I'm torching your sled, your reindeer

429
00:19:59.364 --> 00:20:00.908
and all your other crap."

430
00:20:01.491 --> 00:20:02.326
"Dick."

431
00:20:02.910 --> 00:20:05.162
"Love you loads, Agustín Aristarán."

432
00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:08.207
And I sent the letter.

433
00:20:08.707 --> 00:20:12.169
On December 24th,
I woke up a little anxious.

434
00:20:12.252 --> 00:20:14.546
"Mom, where is he? When is Santa coming?"

435
00:20:14.630 --> 00:20:16.423
"It's the 24th, Santa is coming."

436
00:20:16.506 --> 00:20:18.592
"When is he coming? Where's Dad? Where?"

437
00:20:18.675 --> 00:20:20.594
"Outside, having ice cream? Dad!"

438
00:20:20.677 --> 00:20:21.970
"What's happened?"

439
00:20:22.054 --> 00:20:24.389
"Stop eating ice cream, Dad, please!"

440
00:20:24.473 --> 00:20:27.434
"How do we speed things up?
I need Santa to arrive!"

441
00:20:27.517 --> 00:20:29.561
Let's put out peanuts." And we did.

442
00:20:29.645 --> 00:20:30.729
"The cider is warm."

443
00:20:30.812 --> 00:20:32.731
"Put it in the freezer!" "Still warm."

444
00:20:32.814 --> 00:20:35.734
"In the freezer!"
"Still warm!"

445
00:20:35.817 --> 00:20:37.236
"Close the door!" Done.

446
00:20:37.319 --> 00:20:39.529
"Dad, did you buy firecrackers?"

447
00:20:39.613 --> 00:20:41.031
"Yeah, look."

448
00:20:41.114 --> 00:20:44.326
"When's Santa coming?" "Midnight."
"What time is it?" "Midnight."

449
00:20:44.409 --> 00:20:46.828
And there it was.
The gift I've been waiting for.

450
00:20:48.580 --> 00:20:50.832
The unbreakable plastic truck!

451
00:20:51.959 --> 00:20:54.044
I thought it would be bigger.

452
00:20:56.338 --> 00:20:57.214
Could that be it?

453
00:20:58.757 --> 00:20:59.591
That's strange.

454
00:21:00.175 --> 00:21:02.970
Santa's handwriting was the same as Mom's.

455
00:21:10.143 --> 00:21:13.647
I unwrapped that box
like it was a professional stripper.

456
00:21:18.318 --> 00:21:19.444
A magician's box?

457
00:21:25.742 --> 00:21:26.576
"Santa…"

458
00:21:27.536 --> 00:21:29.329
"Are you illiterate or just dumb?"

459
00:21:29.413 --> 00:21:32.291
"I asked for an unbreakable
plastic truck."

460
00:21:34.251 --> 00:21:37.087
"I don't want to be a magician.
I want to drive a truck."

461
00:21:37.170 --> 00:21:38.797
"A dump truck across the world."

462
00:21:40.340 --> 00:21:42.509
MAGIC
SHOW

463
00:21:42.592 --> 00:21:43.844
"Become a magician."

464
00:21:45.137 --> 00:21:47.931
"Instructions.
Disappear an egg in the red cup."

465
00:21:48.515 --> 00:21:50.892
"Take the red cup
and look at the audience."

466
00:21:54.187 --> 00:21:55.188
There's no one here.

467
00:21:56.857 --> 00:21:59.401
"Open the cup, it will contain an egg."

468
00:22:00.027 --> 00:22:02.696
"Remove the egg and show the empty cup."

469
00:22:05.907 --> 00:22:09.661
"Cover the cup, and place the egg
in your right pocket."

470
00:22:12.914 --> 00:22:14.750
"Look at the audience." Still empty.

471
00:22:18.670 --> 00:22:21.506
"Snap your fingers
and say the magic words."

472
00:22:21.590 --> 00:22:23.717
"Abraca…" Screw you, Santa.

473
00:22:23.800 --> 00:22:26.595
"You'll see the egg
disappeared from your pocket

474
00:22:26.678 --> 00:22:28.513
and appeared in the…" No!

475
00:22:35.979 --> 00:22:36.813
No way!

476
00:22:39.149 --> 00:22:40.817
No way!

477
00:22:50.369 --> 00:22:52.079
It appears. It disappears.

478
00:22:52.162 --> 00:22:54.456
It appears. It disappears.

479
00:22:54.539 --> 00:22:56.708
It appears
It disappears

480
00:22:56.792 --> 00:22:58.835
Long mustache
Short mustache

481
00:22:58.919 --> 00:23:01.088
Long mustache
Short mustache

482
00:23:01.171 --> 00:23:03.465
Where's the egg?
Here it is

483
00:23:03.548 --> 00:23:05.509
In the hand
And now it's gone

484
00:23:05.592 --> 00:23:07.844
Where is it?
Here it is

485
00:23:07.928 --> 00:23:10.764
Put it in your hand, toss it
Now it's in your nose

486
00:23:10.847 --> 00:23:12.474
And just like that,

487
00:23:12.557 --> 00:23:14.434
in Bahía Blanca, at six years of age,

488
00:23:14.518 --> 00:23:16.144
a magician was born…

489
00:23:16.228 --> 00:23:18.146
Rada, hey!

490
00:23:21.316 --> 00:23:23.026
That's some magic.

491
00:23:23.110 --> 00:23:24.403
Thanks for the applause.

492
00:23:24.486 --> 00:23:26.738
I can sense the applause.

493
00:23:26.822 --> 00:23:28.657
I was out of control with magic.

494
00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:31.243
Look at the handkerchief go.

495
00:23:31.952 --> 00:23:33.870
This was all planned, baby.

496
00:23:35.247 --> 00:23:36.373
That's some magic.

497
00:23:36.456 --> 00:23:39.126
Whenever a relative came over,
what would Agus do?

498
00:23:39.209 --> 00:23:41.378
He'd perform a marvelous magic show.

499
00:23:41.962 --> 00:23:44.798
And suddenly, all the relatives
stopped coming to visit.

500
00:23:45.465 --> 00:23:47.050
I was obsessed with magic.

501
00:23:47.134 --> 00:23:49.886
Doves, handkerchiefs,
coins, all that stuff.

502
00:23:49.970 --> 00:23:52.973
Cigars that appeared and disappeared.

503
00:23:53.598 --> 00:23:56.893
You could always count on grandma.
My grandma came down for mate.

504
00:23:56.977 --> 00:24:00.230
I told her I had an amazing card trick.

505
00:24:00.313 --> 00:24:02.774
"I've been rehearsing it.
It'll blow your mind!"

506
00:24:02.858 --> 00:24:05.777
"Grandma, look at the cards."
I took them out and shuffled.

507
00:24:05.861 --> 00:24:06.945
I kept on shuffling.

508
00:24:07.571 --> 00:24:08.572
I kept on shuffling.

509
00:24:09.072 --> 00:24:11.366
"Pick any card, it doesn't matter which."

510
00:24:11.450 --> 00:24:14.035
"Pick it, remember it,
put it back. Perfect."

511
00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:15.662
I kept on shuffling.

512
00:24:18.457 --> 00:24:20.083
I shuffled, a card went flying.

513
00:24:20.167 --> 00:24:22.752
Picked it up, tossed behind my back,
grabbed again.

514
00:24:22.836 --> 00:24:24.546
"Grandma, this is your card."

515
00:24:24.629 --> 00:24:27.257
"I don't remember."
For fuck's sake. You old hag.

516
00:24:27.340 --> 00:24:29.593
You couldn't say 7 of Clubs?
Was it so hard?

517
00:24:30.177 --> 00:24:32.512
Or 8 of Diamonds, 4 of Capricorn,
5 of Batman?

518
00:24:32.596 --> 00:24:33.805
All the same, who cares!

519
00:24:37.267 --> 00:24:39.311
I was obsessed with magic. Obsessed!

520
00:24:39.394 --> 00:24:42.314
I was unstoppable.
I was doing magic all day.

521
00:24:42.397 --> 00:24:45.484
I did magic at school,
at a friend's house,

522
00:24:45.567 --> 00:24:47.486
while playing soccer.

523
00:24:47.569 --> 00:24:50.322
As a teenager, I did magic at barbecues.

524
00:24:50.405 --> 00:24:51.406
"You want a burger?"

525
00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:53.533
"No, four of Diamonds!" "Oh, fuck off."

526
00:24:53.617 --> 00:24:56.578
I was obsessed with magic.
Totally obsessed.

527
00:24:57.162 --> 00:25:00.582
Eventually, my friend Gonzalo said to me,

528
00:25:00.665 --> 00:25:02.959
"Rada, all you do these days
is magic, right?"

529
00:25:03.043 --> 00:25:05.378
"Magic! I want a handkerchief.
Here it is!"

530
00:25:05.462 --> 00:25:06.671
A cage, a water heater.

531
00:25:06.755 --> 00:25:08.798
I was out of control with my magic.

532
00:25:08.882 --> 00:25:12.469
"Don't you do anything else?"
"Just magic, magic!"

533
00:25:12.552 --> 00:25:15.931
"Don't you like any girls?
Don't you wanna get laid?"

534
00:25:16.014 --> 00:25:17.390
"You're right."

535
00:25:18.099 --> 00:25:19.601
I hadn't have my first time.

536
00:25:19.684 --> 00:25:22.187
Never got laid before.
You gotta get laid at 17.

537
00:25:22.270 --> 00:25:24.147
It says it right there, in Wikipedia!

538
00:25:24.231 --> 00:25:25.232
"Dad!"

539
00:25:25.315 --> 00:25:26.900
"What? What's up?"

540
00:25:31.863 --> 00:25:34.449
"Dad, listen, I need some advice.
Man to man."

541
00:25:34.533 --> 00:25:37.369
"I'm still a virgin. I need your help."

542
00:25:37.452 --> 00:25:39.246
"I have an urge to get laid."

543
00:25:39.329 --> 00:25:42.624
"What? You still haven't done it, Son?
It's easy. Piece of cake!"

544
00:25:42.707 --> 00:25:45.085
"Talk to a guy or a girl,
whichever you like."

545
00:25:45.168 --> 00:25:47.712
"Have a drink, touch each other…"

546
00:25:47.796 --> 00:25:48.797
"Sorry, Son."

547
00:25:50.090 --> 00:25:51.466
"I'm a brute. Forgive me."

548
00:25:52.133 --> 00:25:56.096
"I thought I was talking to your brother.
You're the younger one. The magician."

549
00:25:56.263 --> 00:25:58.223
"Forget it. Magicians don't get laid."

550
00:26:03.061 --> 00:26:04.729
And Dad was so right.

551
00:26:06.356 --> 00:26:07.649
Magicians don't get laid.

552
00:26:08.567 --> 00:26:11.861
Some would say magicians are always, like…

553
00:26:13.280 --> 00:26:14.114
No.

554
00:26:15.198 --> 00:26:16.575
There's no way.

555
00:26:16.658 --> 00:26:17.909
There are two…

556
00:26:17.993 --> 00:26:21.705
The WHO says, people of two professions
have no chance of having sex.

557
00:26:21.788 --> 00:26:23.123
First is magicians,

558
00:26:23.206 --> 00:26:25.500
because we're morons
that fool around all day.

559
00:26:25.584 --> 00:26:27.669
Second is chess players,

560
00:26:27.752 --> 00:26:30.380
due to their ability to smell like ass.

561
00:26:30.463 --> 00:26:33.300
It's bizarre! We have no chance!

562
00:26:33.383 --> 00:26:34.843
Listen to me.

563
00:26:34.926 --> 00:26:38.263
If I say magician, what is
the first thing that comes to mind?

564
00:26:38.805 --> 00:26:41.891
A Las Vegas magician. All made up.

565
00:26:43.018 --> 00:26:44.644
Styling gel. Hair straight up.

566
00:26:45.604 --> 00:26:47.814
Belt buckle with four aces.

567
00:26:47.897 --> 00:26:49.649
Loads of shiny black clothes.

568
00:26:49.733 --> 00:26:51.651
Two panthers. Fan blowing in the face.

569
00:26:52.861 --> 00:26:53.820
Las Vegas music.

570
00:26:59.659 --> 00:27:02.329
Out of this world.
In comes the girl, his assistant.

571
00:27:02.412 --> 00:27:04.581
Always behind him, never in front of him.

572
00:27:04.664 --> 00:27:05.874
Because they are sexist.

573
00:27:05.957 --> 00:27:08.126
Assholes, idiots, and also sexist.

574
00:27:08.209 --> 00:27:09.961
The girl does a somersault,

575
00:27:10.045 --> 00:27:11.421
gets inside a box this big.

576
00:27:11.504 --> 00:27:12.339
Poor thing!

577
00:27:12.922 --> 00:27:15.175
She is all curled up in there.

578
00:27:15.800 --> 00:27:16.801
He picks up a spear.

579
00:27:18.345 --> 00:27:19.763
He stabs her with the spear.

580
00:27:20.722 --> 00:27:21.598
Picks up another.

581
00:27:23.016 --> 00:27:25.393
He spits on her, shits on her,
sets her on fire.

582
00:27:25.477 --> 00:27:28.396
The girl comes out in a new outfit.
Who gets the applause?

583
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:29.564
The fucking magician.

584
00:27:31.816 --> 00:27:34.277
Come on! No chance of getting laid there.

585
00:27:34.361 --> 00:27:37.572
If you have coffee with a magician,
pay attention.

586
00:27:37.656 --> 00:27:41.201
You're having coffee and asking,
"What do you do?" "I'm a magician."

587
00:27:41.284 --> 00:27:44.245
Please, never go, "No way!"

588
00:27:44.329 --> 00:27:48.041
Because if you go "No way!"
it would trigger

589
00:27:48.124 --> 00:27:51.586
a landslide of bullshit
that he won't be able to control.

590
00:27:52.170 --> 00:27:55.674
"Didn't you know I was a magician?
I can't believe it! Look at this!"

591
00:27:56.257 --> 00:27:58.176
"I got your spoon. It's in my hand."

592
00:27:58.259 --> 00:28:00.762
"Where is it? It's disappeared.
It's gone!"

593
00:28:01.554 --> 00:28:02.764
"Here it is."

594
00:28:03.306 --> 00:28:04.808
"You liked that. I have more!"

595
00:28:04.891 --> 00:28:06.476
"Put it in my hand. It's gone!"

596
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:09.104
"Where is it? Here? Here? Or here?"

597
00:28:09.187 --> 00:28:11.189
"No! Here! In your ear."

598
00:28:11.272 --> 00:28:13.483
"Latte in your ear! How awkward."

599
00:28:13.566 --> 00:28:14.734
But let's imagine…

600
00:28:15.860 --> 00:28:16.736
Imagine…

601
00:28:17.696 --> 00:28:18.905
that you liked him,

602
00:28:19.614 --> 00:28:21.324
or you've had a dry spell,

603
00:28:21.408 --> 00:28:23.827
so you go ahead
and leave with the magician.

604
00:28:24.911 --> 00:28:27.455
Lights dimmed. Soft music.

605
00:28:28.915 --> 00:28:30.500
This will happen. I swear!

606
00:28:31.167 --> 00:28:33.920
"Look, a bunch of condoms,
in a variety of colors."

607
00:28:34.003 --> 00:28:37.090
Shuffle, shuffle.

608
00:28:37.173 --> 00:28:39.551
"Pick whichever condom you want, Grandma…"

609
00:28:39.634 --> 00:28:40.510
"I mean, girl."

610
00:28:40.593 --> 00:28:43.012
"Pick one. Remember it. I'm not looking."

611
00:28:43.096 --> 00:28:45.724
"I'll open it. Do you like dogs?
Here comes the dog."

612
00:28:49.894 --> 00:28:51.896
"Do you prefer a dove? Here you are!"

613
00:28:51.980 --> 00:28:52.814
"A dove."

614
00:28:52.897 --> 00:28:55.775
"Something more complex?
I see you like it."

615
00:28:55.859 --> 00:28:57.277
"I can tell you do."

616
00:28:57.360 --> 00:29:00.071
"This is the most difficult one!
No, wait! Don't go!"

617
00:29:00.155 --> 00:29:01.698
"I need to get laid. Sorry!"

618
00:29:01.781 --> 00:29:04.075
"I won't do more magic!
Please, I'm sorry."

619
00:29:05.285 --> 00:29:08.037
Astronaut, firefighter

620
00:29:08.121 --> 00:29:10.039
YouTuber, sailor

621
00:29:10.123 --> 00:29:14.169
Nobody wants to be a magician

622
00:29:15.211 --> 00:29:17.964
We need surgeons
And lots of engineers

623
00:29:19.507 --> 00:29:23.219
Nobody wants to be a magician

624
00:29:24.429 --> 00:29:28.683
My dad told me
And he knows me

625
00:29:29.309 --> 00:29:32.312
Don't choose to be the magician

626
00:29:32.395 --> 00:29:35.565
Because magicians don't get laid

627
00:29:35.648 --> 00:29:38.026
Magicians don't get laid

628
00:29:38.109 --> 00:29:40.320
Magicians don't get laid

629
00:29:40.403 --> 00:29:43.823
Magicians don't get laid
And never will

630
00:29:47.035 --> 00:29:48.495
Never will

631
00:29:53.541 --> 00:29:56.044
I've got a disease

632
00:29:56.127 --> 00:29:57.962
Worse than measles

633
00:29:58.922 --> 00:30:02.425
A curse that's killing me
And won't pass on

634
00:30:03.051 --> 00:30:06.638
Up here, I might be the greatest

635
00:30:08.097 --> 00:30:10.725
But I will never get laid, no!

636
00:30:10.809 --> 00:30:13.144
Because of magic

637
00:30:31.037 --> 00:30:33.706
Because magicians don't get laid

638
00:30:33.790 --> 00:30:36.125
Magicians don't get laid

639
00:30:36.209 --> 00:30:38.586
Magicians don't get laid

640
00:30:38.670 --> 00:30:41.005
Magicians don't get laid

641
00:30:41.089 --> 00:30:43.383
Magicians don't get laid

642
00:30:43.466 --> 00:30:45.468
Magicians don't get laid

643
00:30:45.552 --> 00:30:48.137
Because magicians don't get laid

644
00:30:48.221 --> 00:30:51.474
Magicians don't get laid and never will

645
00:31:01.067 --> 00:31:01.985
Two things.

646
00:31:02.068 --> 00:31:03.820
One, I missed the light cue.

647
00:31:04.320 --> 00:31:05.154
Three things.

648
00:31:05.238 --> 00:31:08.032
Two, you forgot to open the trap
for me to disappear.

649
00:31:08.116 --> 00:31:09.993
Three, my ball got caught.

650
00:31:11.870 --> 00:31:13.246
I crushed my balls.

651
00:31:13.997 --> 00:31:15.498
For fuck's sake.

652
00:31:20.336 --> 00:31:21.838
I got carried away.

653
00:31:25.300 --> 00:31:28.052
Usually I protect my balls,
since I was a kid.

654
00:31:28.136 --> 00:31:30.597
When I was 17, something happened.

655
00:31:32.932 --> 00:31:34.559
It's like a chill coming down.

656
00:31:36.102 --> 00:31:37.896
It'll pass…

657
00:31:38.855 --> 00:31:42.317
Crushing your balls is dreadful.
No words can describe it.

658
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:43.568
I was 17 years old…

659
00:31:46.029 --> 00:31:47.572
when this happened.

660
00:31:47.655 --> 00:31:49.866
I was gonna take a shower.
Naked. As usual.

661
00:31:51.284 --> 00:31:55.121
I got into the shower, grabbed the soap,
looked down and went, "What's this?"

662
00:31:55.705 --> 00:31:56.831
"How did this happen?"

663
00:31:57.457 --> 00:32:00.919
Listen to this. One of my balls…
One of my testicles

664
00:32:01.002 --> 00:32:02.754
was substantially bigger.

665
00:32:02.837 --> 00:32:03.963
Not hanging lower.

666
00:32:04.047 --> 00:32:07.383
Apparently, in 98% of men
one ball hangs lower than the other.

667
00:32:07.467 --> 00:32:09.719
But in this case, it was way bigger.

668
00:32:09.802 --> 00:32:13.806
Picture a rather large tangerine.
Quite a massive one.

669
00:32:13.890 --> 00:32:15.850
So, one of my balls was the size of it.

670
00:32:15.934 --> 00:32:18.978
Back then, the Internet did not exist.
I couldn't Google it.

671
00:32:19.062 --> 00:32:21.481
"My ball is the size
of a tangerine. Help!"

672
00:32:21.564 --> 00:32:24.233
I went to my dad, "Dad." "What it is?"

673
00:32:26.611 --> 00:32:29.697
"We need to talk about
your ice cream addiction. Enough!"

674
00:32:29.781 --> 00:32:31.449
"Also, one of my balls is huge."

675
00:32:31.532 --> 00:32:34.410
"What do you mean? Are you crazy?
Show me your balls."

676
00:32:34.494 --> 00:32:35.954
I showed him.

677
00:32:36.037 --> 00:32:37.080
My dad went, "Inés!"

678
00:32:37.163 --> 00:32:39.707
"Don't call Mom! This is man stuff!"

679
00:32:39.791 --> 00:32:41.751
"I'm a teenager.
Take me to a ball-ologist."

680
00:32:41.834 --> 00:32:43.419
We go to the ball-ologist.

681
00:32:43.503 --> 00:32:45.254
"What's up, Doc? How are you?"

682
00:32:45.338 --> 00:32:46.881
"What's going on?" he asks.

683
00:32:46.965 --> 00:32:48.716
"Something funny happened."

684
00:32:48.800 --> 00:32:50.510
"I got up, got in the shower,

685
00:32:51.177 --> 00:32:54.013
and realized one testicle
was way bigger than the other."

686
00:32:54.097 --> 00:32:57.225
"Don't worry. Relax. It's normal."

687
00:32:57.308 --> 00:33:01.104
"One testicle always gets swollen
between ages 17 and 18."

688
00:33:01.187 --> 00:33:04.023
"It'll go down over time. It's hormonal."

689
00:33:04.107 --> 00:33:07.777
"You don't get it, Doc.
It's way bigger than the other one."

690
00:33:07.860 --> 00:33:09.362
"Don't underestimate me."

691
00:33:09.445 --> 00:33:11.656
"I look at balls all day.
I know my thing."

692
00:33:11.739 --> 00:33:14.283
"One testicle gets swollen
and then shrinks back."

693
00:33:14.867 --> 00:33:17.078
"It's like a tangerine, Doc." "Excuse me?"

694
00:33:17.787 --> 00:33:18.830
"Like a tangerine."

695
00:33:18.913 --> 00:33:20.123
"Is it orange?" "Kinda."

696
00:33:20.206 --> 00:33:21.374
"Wrinkly?" "Maybe."

697
00:33:21.457 --> 00:33:22.542
"Does it have seeds?"

698
00:33:22.625 --> 00:33:25.503
"I dunno, man. It looks like a tangerine."

699
00:33:25.586 --> 00:33:27.130
"Show me." I did. He went…

700
00:33:27.213 --> 00:33:29.590
"Stay here. Take your clothes off."

701
00:33:29.674 --> 00:33:31.801
He went to get a stool.

702
00:33:31.884 --> 00:33:34.012
The stool all urologists use,

703
00:33:34.095 --> 00:33:37.140
certified by the Urologist College,

704
00:33:38.099 --> 00:33:41.644
sold exclusively at Urologists-R-Us,

705
00:33:41.728 --> 00:33:44.647
on Warnes 743.

706
00:33:45.481 --> 00:33:47.650
In Buenos Aires. Not sure about Mexico.

707
00:33:48.818 --> 00:33:50.611
He said, "Take off your clothes."

708
00:33:50.695 --> 00:33:52.613
I left the socks on. "Socks too."

709
00:33:52.697 --> 00:33:54.449
I took them off. He put gloves on.

710
00:33:55.241 --> 00:33:57.410
He looked at me and said, "Relax, Fabián."

711
00:33:57.493 --> 00:33:58.870
"Doctor, I'm not Fabián."

712
00:33:58.953 --> 00:34:01.873
"No, I'm Fabián. And I know me."

713
00:34:01.956 --> 00:34:02.999
He grabbed my balls.

714
00:34:03.583 --> 00:34:04.459
Oh, no!

715
00:34:06.335 --> 00:34:09.464
He slightly squeezed each testicle.

716
00:34:09.547 --> 00:34:11.674
Of course, I felt it more in one of them.

717
00:34:12.175 --> 00:34:14.427
He said, "Flex a little.

718
00:34:16.512 --> 00:34:17.346
"A little more."

719
00:34:19.515 --> 00:34:20.600
"Just a bit more."

720
00:34:23.102 --> 00:34:24.729
He grabbed a notebook and wrote.

721
00:34:25.229 --> 00:34:28.066
"Testicular swelling.
Patient: Agustín Aristarán."

722
00:34:28.149 --> 00:34:30.401
"Right testicle, 120 bar."

723
00:34:31.069 --> 00:34:34.030
"Left testicle, 177 bar."

724
00:34:35.198 --> 00:34:38.534
He lifted my healthy testicle,
and, without warning, went…

725
00:34:50.171 --> 00:34:52.840
"Testicular oscillation, worrying."

726
00:34:54.175 --> 00:34:57.595
That's when something
very strange happened.

727
00:34:57.678 --> 00:34:58.930
Something very strange!

728
00:34:59.013 --> 00:35:00.848
He took my testicles.

729
00:35:00.932 --> 00:35:03.643
Listen, because it gets weird.

730
00:35:04.602 --> 00:35:06.020
Balls-to-the-wall weird.

731
00:35:06.104 --> 00:35:09.232
He grabbed my balls,
didn't look at them or me,

732
00:35:09.315 --> 00:35:14.320
and he seemed to have connected
to my balls telepathically.

733
00:35:14.403 --> 00:35:17.406
"Is he talking to my balls with his mind?"

734
00:35:17.490 --> 00:35:21.410
Picture it. I'm 17, a minor.
An old guy is holding my balls

735
00:35:21.494 --> 00:35:23.621
and talking to them telepathically.

736
00:35:23.704 --> 00:35:25.414
I was freaking out. I needed help.

737
00:35:25.498 --> 00:35:27.333
I started screaming for my dad.

738
00:35:27.416 --> 00:35:28.918
I didn't understand anything.

739
00:35:29.460 --> 00:35:32.004
And then he started talking to my balls.

740
00:35:32.088 --> 00:35:34.340
"What's up?" "I'm good. You?"

741
00:35:34.423 --> 00:35:35.550
"Good."

742
00:35:37.176 --> 00:35:38.970
I don't speak Balls language.

743
00:35:39.053 --> 00:35:42.473
That's when the guy started, like…

744
00:35:44.684 --> 00:35:45.768
not caressing them,

745
00:35:45.852 --> 00:35:49.564
but moving them around
like they were castanets.

746
00:35:49.647 --> 00:35:50.940
Doing it like this.

747
00:36:06.831 --> 00:36:08.583
Oh, what's wrong?

748
00:36:09.750 --> 00:36:12.545
What's wrong with these balls?

749
00:36:13.504 --> 00:36:15.381
What's wrong with these balls

750
00:36:15.464 --> 00:36:19.135
that look like a tangerine?

751
00:36:20.303 --> 00:36:21.512
Oh, what's wrong?

752
00:36:22.430 --> 00:36:24.807
What's wrong with these balls?

753
00:36:25.391 --> 00:36:27.518
What's wrong with these balls

754
00:36:27.602 --> 00:36:31.063
That look like a tangerine?

755
00:36:31.147 --> 00:36:33.316
"Graciela, come see this. Take a picture."

756
00:36:33.399 --> 00:36:35.776
"This is a textbook ball."

757
00:36:35.860 --> 00:36:39.280
"This is great for our research.
Take a picture!"

758
00:36:39.363 --> 00:36:44.452
They look like a tangerine

759
00:36:45.953 --> 00:36:47.747
The kiss might have not happened.

760
00:36:49.207 --> 00:36:51.125
I was in shock.

761
00:36:51.667 --> 00:36:54.045
I started getting dressed, and he said,

762
00:36:54.128 --> 00:36:58.132
"Where do you think you're going?"
"What else is there?" "Relax," he said.

763
00:36:59.300 --> 00:37:01.969
"Start running on the spot."
"What?" "You heard me."

764
00:37:02.803 --> 00:37:04.388
"Really?" "Start running."

765
00:37:04.472 --> 00:37:06.849
"Maybe if you dim the lights,
get some whiskey…"

766
00:37:06.933 --> 00:37:08.935
"Start running." And I started running.

767
00:37:09.018 --> 00:37:10.436
"Let me see." "I'm shy."

768
00:37:10.519 --> 00:37:13.314
I was shy.
The guy took pictures and notes.

769
00:37:13.397 --> 00:37:15.483
"Stay in the middle and jump." I jumped.

770
00:37:15.566 --> 00:37:18.527
And as I was jumping,

771
00:37:18.611 --> 00:37:21.572
I was trying not to think
about what was happening,

772
00:37:21.656 --> 00:37:24.325
but I realize that the human body

773
00:37:24.408 --> 00:37:26.661
is a perfect machine designed by aliens.

774
00:37:26.744 --> 00:37:27.578
It can't be.

775
00:37:27.662 --> 00:37:31.374
And I realize the reason
behind what was mentioned before:

776
00:37:31.457 --> 00:37:34.752
that one testicle in men
hangs lower than the other.

777
00:37:36.379 --> 00:37:37.630
Why is that?

778
00:37:39.090 --> 00:37:41.133
They couldn't be the same length.

779
00:37:41.217 --> 00:37:44.220
Picture the Neanderthals.

780
00:37:44.303 --> 00:37:46.931
They had to go hunting,

781
00:37:47.014 --> 00:37:48.641
chasing a panther in the jungle.

782
00:37:48.724 --> 00:37:51.477
They were naked,
clothes hadn't been invented.

783
00:37:51.560 --> 00:37:53.813
The guy was running,
and maybe he had to jump.

784
00:37:53.896 --> 00:37:56.565
If they were the same length,
this would be happening.

785
00:37:56.649 --> 00:37:58.567
They'd slap each other, like clackers.

786
00:37:58.651 --> 00:38:01.779
As one is longer, they don't collide.

787
00:38:01.862 --> 00:38:03.197
The human body is perfect.

788
00:38:04.323 --> 00:38:08.035
I was jumping while imagining
I'm chasing a panther in the forest,

789
00:38:08.119 --> 00:38:10.162
and the guy said, "You need surgery."

790
00:38:10.746 --> 00:38:12.873
"No other options.
Your balls are a wreck."

791
00:38:13.374 --> 00:38:14.959
"Hydrocele, varicocele,

792
00:38:15.042 --> 00:38:18.462
some phimosis,
a bilateral inguinal hernia."

793
00:38:18.546 --> 00:38:19.588
Oh, for fuck's sake…

794
00:38:19.672 --> 00:38:21.966
I had surgery one week after. They did…

795
00:38:22.758 --> 00:38:25.303
what they could, there was a lot going on.

796
00:38:25.386 --> 00:38:27.305
There I was, balls like Tetris blocks,

797
00:38:27.388 --> 00:38:28.639
and I was back to normal.

798
00:38:28.723 --> 00:38:31.600
Before discharging me, he went,
"One more thing, Agustín."

799
00:38:32.435 --> 00:38:36.063
"This takes about six months
to heal internally."

800
00:38:36.147 --> 00:38:40.026
"I need you to not have intercourse for…"

801
00:38:40.109 --> 00:38:42.278
"Ah, you're a magician. Never mind then."

802
00:38:42.862 --> 00:38:45.698
So with that in mind,
me being in post-op and a magician,

803
00:38:45.781 --> 00:38:49.201
I wasn't getting laid,
so I focused on my work as a magician.

804
00:38:49.285 --> 00:38:50.953
I committed to magic.

805
00:38:51.537 --> 00:38:54.915
I did some children's parties.
I earned some money.

806
00:38:54.999 --> 00:38:58.419
One party lead to another,
then a school, a kindergarten.

807
00:38:59.003 --> 00:39:01.797
Then I did a quinceañera, a wedding,

808
00:39:01.881 --> 00:39:04.925
a corporate party.
I was working and making money.

809
00:39:05.009 --> 00:39:09.096
All under the table, no receipts.
I was a minor, so I pocketed everything.

810
00:39:09.180 --> 00:39:10.264
My secret stash.

811
00:39:10.348 --> 00:39:12.183
A friend wanted a go out for a beer?

812
00:39:12.266 --> 00:39:13.267
Rada's treat.

813
00:39:13.351 --> 00:39:17.480
"What else? Some chocolate?
It's on me too."

814
00:39:17.563 --> 00:39:19.690
I built an empire in Bahía Blanca.

815
00:39:19.774 --> 00:39:20.608
I was popular.

816
00:39:20.691 --> 00:39:22.318
We drove out the competition.

817
00:39:22.401 --> 00:39:23.944
My friends beat them up.

818
00:39:24.028 --> 00:39:25.654
"You want some of this?"

819
00:39:25.738 --> 00:39:27.948
We killed their bunnies,
messed up the cards.

820
00:39:28.032 --> 00:39:30.826
"Go get your 7 of Clubs, fucker! Go home!"

821
00:39:30.910 --> 00:39:34.872
I kept on working,
earning some serious money.

822
00:39:34.955 --> 00:39:37.416
Started helping my parents,
moved to Buenos Aires.

823
00:39:37.500 --> 00:39:39.460
It was hard at first, but it picked up.

824
00:39:39.543 --> 00:39:42.922
Parties, kids parties, adult parties.

825
00:39:43.005 --> 00:39:44.882
I was working. Magicians knew me.

826
00:39:44.965 --> 00:39:47.218
I was respected in the world of magic.

827
00:39:47.301 --> 00:39:49.637
"Rada. Yeah, I know him." It was okay.

828
00:39:49.720 --> 00:39:52.765
Chile, Uruguay, Mexico, Colombia,
I started making dollars.

829
00:39:52.848 --> 00:39:54.475
I was raking it in. What?

830
00:39:54.558 --> 00:39:56.102
I had it all here.

831
00:39:56.185 --> 00:39:57.978
"You want dollars? Here you go."

832
00:39:58.813 --> 00:40:00.439
All still under the table.

833
00:40:00.523 --> 00:40:02.274
It was all going great,

834
00:40:02.358 --> 00:40:05.319
I was making good money,
feeling comfortable, but something…

835
00:40:05.945 --> 00:40:07.279
I couldn't…

836
00:40:08.447 --> 00:40:09.615
I didn't feel right.

837
00:40:10.533 --> 00:40:12.201
Something in my chest

838
00:40:13.244 --> 00:40:14.203
went…

839
00:40:17.415 --> 00:40:18.249
"Doctor,

840
00:40:19.125 --> 00:40:19.959
I don't…"

841
00:40:20.459 --> 00:40:22.211
"I don't feel well, Doc."

842
00:40:24.296 --> 00:40:28.634
"Out of the blue, I break into tears.
I just start crying, Doc."

843
00:40:31.720 --> 00:40:33.222
"I don't know what this is."

844
00:40:33.305 --> 00:40:34.890
"I don't know what to call it."

845
00:40:37.268 --> 00:40:39.770
"I don't know if… Sorry, I can't talk."

846
00:40:47.570 --> 00:40:48.904
"Give me a minute, Doc."

847
00:40:49.447 --> 00:40:51.323
"It'll pass."

848
00:40:54.285 --> 00:40:57.246
"I meant, I don't know
if there's a name for this."

849
00:40:59.707 --> 00:41:03.252
"No idea if there's been some research,
but if I walk down the street…"

850
00:41:03.335 --> 00:41:04.712
"Everything is all right."

851
00:41:07.756 --> 00:41:08.924
"My life is all right."

852
00:41:11.343 --> 00:41:13.762
"I follow my dream. My dreams come true."

853
00:41:13.846 --> 00:41:15.931
"I do what I love for a living."

854
00:41:18.767 --> 00:41:21.061
"My life is just as it was depicted

855
00:41:21.145 --> 00:41:23.606
in teenage flicks. It's all right."

856
00:41:27.485 --> 00:41:29.945
"But walk down the street
and see a dog pooping,

857
00:41:30.029 --> 00:41:31.489
and I burst into tears, Doc."

858
00:41:33.616 --> 00:41:34.909
"I'm such a mess."

859
00:41:36.785 --> 00:41:38.078
"I've got work,

860
00:41:38.621 --> 00:41:39.788
I make money,

861
00:41:40.873 --> 00:41:44.627
my peers tell me, 'Good job.'
They cheer me on."

862
00:41:45.961 --> 00:41:48.380
"I can't enjoy it, Doc. Look at me."

863
00:41:52.092 --> 00:41:54.678
"I'm under a lot of pressure.
I need to earn money."

864
00:41:54.762 --> 00:41:57.056
"I got into the rat race…

865
00:41:57.139 --> 00:41:58.766
money, money, money."

866
00:41:58.849 --> 00:42:00.893
"What do you want, a pool, a yacht?"

867
00:42:00.976 --> 00:42:04.146
I could never buy a yacht.
Where would I put it?

868
00:42:04.230 --> 00:42:05.105
Where?

869
00:42:06.732 --> 00:42:08.609
I feel…

870
00:42:08.692 --> 00:42:11.028
Do you know Prince Charles?

871
00:42:11.111 --> 00:42:12.613
Poor thing, have you seen him?

872
00:42:12.696 --> 00:42:15.574
Every time he's on camera,
he's twitching his ear, asking for help.

873
00:42:15.658 --> 00:42:16.825
He's completely lost.

874
00:42:16.909 --> 00:42:19.787
They tell him what to do, how to dress.

875
00:42:19.870 --> 00:42:21.664
All the time.

876
00:42:21.747 --> 00:42:24.625
I feel this voice inside me,
telling me what to do.

877
00:42:24.708 --> 00:42:27.294
They tell him what to do, how to dress.

878
00:42:27.378 --> 00:42:30.714
"Who tells you that, Agustín?
You're being paranoid!"

879
00:42:30.798 --> 00:42:32.383
"My dad, Doc."

880
00:42:32.967 --> 00:42:33.926
Right?

881
00:42:34.510 --> 00:42:36.470
"What do you think, Doc?"

882
00:42:36.554 --> 00:42:41.433
"Do you think that magic box
from Santa was given to me for no reason?"

883
00:42:41.517 --> 00:42:43.852
"They did it so I'd become a magician."

884
00:42:43.936 --> 00:42:45.896
"What does the world need? Magicians."

885
00:42:45.980 --> 00:42:49.108
"Be a magician. Earn money!
It's obvious, Doc."

886
00:42:52.444 --> 00:42:55.155
"Pardon me for saying this, Agustín…

887
00:42:59.618 --> 00:43:00.828
but…

888
00:43:02.288 --> 00:43:05.916
no parents would ever want
their child to be a magician."

889
00:43:11.797 --> 00:43:13.090
"Oh, Doc…"

890
00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:16.927
"You had to throw it in my face!"

891
00:43:17.511 --> 00:43:18.596
"You're right."

892
00:43:20.931 --> 00:43:22.224
"I'm an idiot, Doc."

893
00:43:25.686 --> 00:43:26.854
"Such an idiot."

894
00:43:26.937 --> 00:43:28.522
"I'm a complete idiot, Doc."

895
00:43:28.606 --> 00:43:29.523
"Sorry, I'm…

896
00:43:29.607 --> 00:43:32.026
Write it down. Come on! Write."

897
00:43:32.109 --> 00:43:34.987
"Agustín Aristarán is an idiot.
That's the diagnosis."

898
00:43:35.070 --> 00:43:36.071
"That's it, Doc."

899
00:43:36.155 --> 00:43:39.074
"I don't want that.
What have I done so far?"

900
00:43:39.158 --> 00:43:41.410
"Worked my ass off. And I don't want it."

901
00:43:41.493 --> 00:43:45.164
"I don't want a voice
telling me what to do, like Charles."

902
00:43:45.247 --> 00:43:47.249
"I don't want it, Doc."

903
00:43:47.333 --> 00:43:50.002
"Give me some pills,
because I don't know what to do."

904
00:43:50.586 --> 00:43:54.006
I don't want to be Charles, no

905
00:43:54.506 --> 00:43:57.760
I don't want to be more than you

906
00:43:57.843 --> 00:44:01.388
I don't want to be Charles, no

907
00:44:01.972 --> 00:44:04.683
I want to choose who I am

908
00:44:04.767 --> 00:44:07.770
"Hi, Doc. How are you?
I started taking the pills last week."

909
00:44:07.853 --> 00:44:09.688
"Morning, afternoon and evening."

910
00:44:09.772 --> 00:44:11.065
"Oh, Doc!"

911
00:44:11.148 --> 00:44:14.234
"The morning pill gives me such energy!"

912
00:44:14.318 --> 00:44:15.444
"Oh, Doc!"

913
00:44:15.527 --> 00:44:18.405
"When my phone battery dies,
I can just stand next to it,

914
00:44:18.489 --> 00:44:19.948
and it charges right up."

915
00:44:20.032 --> 00:44:21.116
"So much energy."

916
00:44:21.200 --> 00:44:24.495
"I get up, 75° maximum, 70° minimum."

917
00:44:24.578 --> 00:44:25.537
"Oh, Doc!"

918
00:44:25.621 --> 00:44:28.957
"The birds are singing,
and everything is great."

919
00:44:29.041 --> 00:44:32.628
"Now, when I take the afternoon pill,

920
00:44:32.711 --> 00:44:34.797
I'm doing fine and suddenly…"

921
00:44:57.027 --> 00:44:58.904
"I get a little stuck."

922
00:44:58.987 --> 00:45:01.699
"But when I take the evening pill…"

923
00:45:01.782 --> 00:45:03.659
"Oh, Doc! The evening pill, Doc"

924
00:45:04.243 --> 00:45:07.579
"Oh, Doc, the evening pill, Doc."

925
00:45:07.663 --> 00:45:09.665
"Oh, Doc!"

926
00:45:09.748 --> 00:45:12.835
"The next day I'm like this,

927
00:45:12.918 --> 00:45:14.294
all spaced-out."

928
00:45:14.837 --> 00:45:17.381
"From the corner of my eye, I see Rambo."

929
00:45:17.464 --> 00:45:19.883
"Hey, Rambo. How are you doing?"

930
00:45:21.260 --> 00:45:23.220
"I stroked Rambo, Doc."

931
00:45:25.973 --> 00:45:27.266
"What do you want, baby?"

932
00:45:28.559 --> 00:45:30.853
"Why don't I take that pill every day?"

933
00:45:30.936 --> 00:45:32.896
"I feel great, Doc. Can you tell?"

934
00:45:32.980 --> 00:45:34.314
"I feel great, right?"

935
00:45:36.984 --> 00:45:40.237
I don't want to be Charles, no

936
00:45:40.320 --> 00:45:44.158
I don't want to be more than you

937
00:45:44.241 --> 00:45:47.995
I don't want to be Charles, no

938
00:45:48.078 --> 00:45:50.831
I want to choose who I am

939
00:45:50.914 --> 00:45:54.334
"Doc, the pills balanced me out,
I'm feeling pretty well."

940
00:45:54.418 --> 00:45:56.670
You won't believe
what happened the other day!

941
00:45:56.754 --> 00:45:59.757
I went to the Japanese
dry cleaner near home.

942
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:02.301
I brought my magician suit,
to get it cleaned.

943
00:46:02.384 --> 00:46:05.137
"Did you clean it?
I'll pay you next week."

944
00:46:05.220 --> 00:46:06.930
We're friends. He cleans my suits.

945
00:46:07.014 --> 00:46:09.767
I get to the party.
It turns out, he mixed up the suits!

946
00:46:09.850 --> 00:46:12.561
He gave me another client's suit!
It was solid white.

947
00:46:12.644 --> 00:46:16.231
Pants, jacket, shirt, bow tie, all white.
So embarrassing.

948
00:46:16.315 --> 00:46:18.233
I had to do the show, so I put it on.

949
00:46:18.317 --> 00:46:20.235
Went on stage. They laughed.

950
00:46:20.319 --> 00:46:22.529
"Sorry about this.
White is the new black!"

951
00:46:23.030 --> 00:46:24.948
"I look like a Q-Tip."

952
00:46:25.032 --> 00:46:28.368
I finished the show, all humiliated.
A girl came up and said,

953
00:46:28.452 --> 00:46:31.246
"Hi. Do you have any popsicles,
chocolate or ice cream?"

954
00:46:31.330 --> 00:46:32.247
Woah!

955
00:46:32.331 --> 00:46:34.917
She's my girlfriend now.
We've been dating for ten days.

956
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:35.834
Cool, right?

957
00:46:35.918 --> 00:46:39.671
I don't want to be Charles, no

958
00:46:39.755 --> 00:46:43.425
I don't want to be more than you

959
00:46:43.509 --> 00:46:47.012
I don't want to be Charles, no

960
00:46:47.095 --> 00:46:50.349
I want to choose who I am

961
00:46:50.432 --> 00:46:52.851
I went back to the dry cleaner.

962
00:46:52.935 --> 00:46:54.394
Two weeks later, I went back.

963
00:46:54.478 --> 00:46:57.064
"I don't know if I should
slap you or hug you!"

964
00:46:57.147 --> 00:46:58.690
"You've changed my life, man."

965
00:46:58.774 --> 00:47:00.943
"You gave me the suit.
I met my girlfriend."

966
00:47:01.026 --> 00:47:03.612
"We moved in together three months ago.
We are happy!"

967
00:47:03.695 --> 00:47:05.364
You know what he said?

968
00:47:05.447 --> 00:47:07.741
He said something to me.

969
00:47:07.825 --> 00:47:09.618
Listen. He looked at me and said…

970
00:47:15.958 --> 00:47:17.918
Do you speak Japanese? Neither do I.

971
00:47:18.001 --> 00:47:19.878
But I believe he said this.

972
00:47:19.962 --> 00:47:24.091
"Be careful. If you plant a quince tree,
you may get a lemon tree."

973
00:47:26.134 --> 00:47:27.886
I was speechless.

974
00:47:27.970 --> 00:47:31.890
With the suit, the pills, the Japanese…
"You know what?"

975
00:47:31.974 --> 00:47:35.060
"I consider myself healed.
I'm done with the pills."

976
00:47:35.143 --> 00:47:37.563
"You, Freud and Deleuze
can suck my balls, Doc."

977
00:47:37.646 --> 00:47:39.356
"I won't take anything else. I'm free."

978
00:47:39.439 --> 00:47:41.859
"Nothing's tying me down.
I have a girlfriend."

979
00:47:41.942 --> 00:47:44.987
I don't want to be Charles, no

980
00:47:45.779 --> 00:47:48.490
I don't want to be more than you

981
00:47:49.491 --> 00:47:52.619
I don't want to be Charles, no

982
00:47:53.203 --> 00:47:54.496
I want to choose…

983
00:47:58.876 --> 00:48:00.210
Hi, honey. How are you?

984
00:48:00.294 --> 00:48:03.881
Yeah, I was singing.
I'm happy. I was singing.

985
00:48:03.964 --> 00:48:04.923
What happened?

986
00:48:05.632 --> 00:48:08.719
I told the doctor to fuck off.
Goodbye, pills! I'm healed.

987
00:48:08.802 --> 00:48:09.845
What?

988
00:48:11.054 --> 00:48:11.972
Positive?

989
00:48:17.978 --> 00:48:19.897
Two months? Oh, shit…

990
00:48:20.814 --> 00:48:21.648
Posi…

991
00:48:22.274 --> 00:48:23.400
But positive…

992
00:48:23.483 --> 00:48:25.068
Positive is always good, right?

993
00:48:30.365 --> 00:48:31.450
How did this happen?

994
00:48:32.242 --> 00:48:34.745
Right, I know how it happened.

995
00:48:34.828 --> 00:48:36.371
I remember clearly.

996
00:48:36.914 --> 00:48:37.998
Yes, honey.

997
00:48:38.081 --> 00:48:41.293
No, I was just singing, I didn't expect…

998
00:48:42.461 --> 00:48:45.923
I forgot to set
the Big News reminder for today!

999
00:48:46.590 --> 00:48:47.424
Yeah.

1000
00:48:47.925 --> 00:48:51.178
I'll be there, honey. I'm coming.
I just had to sit down.

1001
00:48:53.138 --> 00:48:54.556
Yeah.

1002
00:48:55.432 --> 00:48:56.808
I'll be right there.

1003
00:48:56.892 --> 00:49:00.103
I'll go back to the doctor,
apologize and get my pills back.

1004
00:49:00.187 --> 00:49:02.564
Just for a couple of months, honey.

1005
00:49:02.648 --> 00:49:03.482
Yeah, yeah…

1006
00:49:04.107 --> 00:49:06.693
Bye. One kiss for you
and one for the belly.

1007
00:49:07.235 --> 00:49:08.445
It's weird, yeah.

1008
00:49:09.321 --> 00:49:10.155
Bye, bye.

1009
00:49:21.375 --> 00:49:22.376
So cold.

1010
00:49:24.044 --> 00:49:25.087
So drafty.

1011
00:49:27.589 --> 00:49:30.258
At 21, I was told,
"You're gonna be a dad!"

1012
00:49:31.426 --> 00:49:33.887
I've always been very pragmatic,
even as a kid.

1013
00:49:33.971 --> 00:49:35.973
The nine months were not that difficult.

1014
00:49:36.056 --> 00:49:38.809
We moved in together
to a one-bedroom apartment.

1015
00:49:40.018 --> 00:49:43.397
In that apartment,
the nine months were simple.

1016
00:49:43.480 --> 00:49:45.357
I was in charge of two things.

1017
00:49:45.440 --> 00:49:49.069
Taking care of the mother of my daughter,
making sure she had everything.

1018
00:49:49.152 --> 00:49:50.570
And the second thing

1019
00:49:50.654 --> 00:49:52.531
was locking myself in the bathroom,

1020
00:49:52.614 --> 00:49:55.325
getting naked and crying,
kneeling next to the toilet,

1021
00:49:55.409 --> 00:49:58.453
while taking some drugs
to ignore the situation,

1022
00:49:58.537 --> 00:50:01.123
because I was afraid.
I was gonna be a dad.

1023
00:50:01.206 --> 00:50:03.166
"I don't want to be Charles."
"Be a dad then."

1024
00:50:03.250 --> 00:50:04.960
"What? Fuck off."

1025
00:50:05.627 --> 00:50:06.670
I was afraid.

1026
00:50:07.379 --> 00:50:08.630
How could I not be?

1027
00:50:09.798 --> 00:50:14.553
But on February 22nd, 2006,
at 2:30 p.m., everything changed.

1028
00:50:14.636 --> 00:50:16.221
I was in the delivery room.

1029
00:50:16.304 --> 00:50:18.724
My daughter's mom
was performing a heavenly task.

1030
00:50:19.641 --> 00:50:21.518
"Honey, I can't believe it."

1031
00:50:21.601 --> 00:50:23.520
And I was cheering her on.

1032
00:50:23.603 --> 00:50:24.980
"We're all gonna die!"

1033
00:50:25.063 --> 00:50:27.149
"I hope we fucking die, honey."

1034
00:50:27.232 --> 00:50:29.776
"I hope a hurricane kills us!"

1035
00:50:29.860 --> 00:50:31.361
"I don't know what to do!"

1036
00:50:31.445 --> 00:50:34.156
Suddenly, the door
in the delivery room opened.

1037
00:50:34.239 --> 00:50:36.116
In came a blinding beam of light.

1038
00:50:36.199 --> 00:50:39.286
Unicorns were riding the beam of light,

1039
00:50:39.369 --> 00:50:41.705
followed by hummingbirds.

1040
00:50:41.788 --> 00:50:46.793
And the unicorns were pooping rose petals
that would spell

1041
00:50:46.877 --> 00:50:49.004
"Happiness," "Joy,"

1042
00:50:49.087 --> 00:50:50.464
"Infinite love."

1043
00:50:51.423 --> 00:50:54.301
My daughter Bianca was born.

1044
00:50:55.135 --> 00:50:57.846
"Oh, my daughter!"

1045
00:50:57.929 --> 00:50:59.765
"We'll be so happy!"

1046
00:51:00.724 --> 00:51:02.476
"Everything you see will be yours."

1047
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:04.436
"A one-bedroom apartment,

1048
00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:07.230
a lot of magic tricks and a ukulele."

1049
00:51:07.314 --> 00:51:09.232
"Oh, my daughter, I love you!"

1050
00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:15.405
Everything immediately changed.

1051
00:51:15.489 --> 00:51:17.616
We moved to a bigger house.

1052
00:51:17.699 --> 00:51:19.785
Bought our first property.

1053
00:51:19.868 --> 00:51:22.329
It was only slightly bigger,
but we were happy.

1054
00:51:22.412 --> 00:51:25.832
Bianca was running around.
We sorted out the house and moved quickly.

1055
00:51:25.916 --> 00:51:28.418
I had good teachers
in the art of quick moving.

1056
00:51:29.002 --> 00:51:31.463
The house was smaller than we had thought.

1057
00:51:31.546 --> 00:51:34.633
We needed another room.
"There's nowhere it can fit, Agustín."

1058
00:51:34.716 --> 00:51:36.927
"Why not? Just knock down a wall and…"

1059
00:51:37.010 --> 00:51:41.640
"Honey, forget about it. It's impossible."
Two hours later, I was hammering the wall…

1060
00:51:42.974 --> 00:51:44.351
On it. "I'm like my dad!"

1061
00:51:44.434 --> 00:51:46.353
"Bring me ice cream!"

1062
00:51:46.937 --> 00:51:48.146
Out of control.

1063
00:51:48.230 --> 00:51:50.440
Five hours later, the room was finished.

1064
00:51:50.941 --> 00:51:54.694
"Honey, I'll hang the picture
I always wanted in my first home."

1065
00:51:54.778 --> 00:51:55.862
"We need to talk."

1066
00:51:55.946 --> 00:51:58.615
"Give me a second.
Put the kettle on for some mate."

1067
00:51:58.698 --> 00:51:59.908
"Let's not. Come on."

1068
00:51:59.991 --> 00:52:01.368
I put up the picture.

1069
00:52:01.451 --> 00:52:03.286
"What is it, honey?"

1070
00:52:03.370 --> 00:52:05.288
"We have to break up."

1071
00:52:09.626 --> 00:52:11.128
"I can take the picture down."

1072
00:52:13.964 --> 00:52:14.923
"What?"

1073
00:52:15.006 --> 00:52:16.424
"We have to break up?"

1074
00:52:22.139 --> 00:52:23.515
"Fine, let's break up."

1075
00:52:23.598 --> 00:52:26.643
"I'll just pack my bags and fuck off."

1076
00:52:26.726 --> 00:52:28.728
"Fine by me. I'll pack my bags now."

1077
00:52:29.354 --> 00:52:31.189
"You want me to? I'll pack my bags."

1078
00:52:31.690 --> 00:52:32.983
"I will, it's fine."

1079
00:52:33.567 --> 00:52:35.026
"Shall I? I'll pack my bags."

1080
00:52:35.610 --> 00:52:37.195
"I'll pack my bags. Going once,

1081
00:52:38.113 --> 00:52:39.072
going twice,

1082
00:52:39.698 --> 00:52:41.449
going, going…"

1083
00:52:41.533 --> 00:52:42.826
And Bianca says, "Gone."

1084
00:52:42.909 --> 00:52:44.703
"No, honey!" I had to move.

1085
00:52:45.453 --> 00:52:47.289
I went back to my apartment.

1086
00:52:47.372 --> 00:52:49.374
It's so cold. So drafty.

1087
00:52:49.457 --> 00:52:50.417
With my little bag.

1088
00:52:50.917 --> 00:52:53.044
I closed the door.
The shot is panning out.

1089
00:52:54.921 --> 00:52:55.964
With my little bag.

1090
00:52:56.715 --> 00:52:59.593
Bianca was one week with me,
and one with her mother.

1091
00:53:01.052 --> 00:53:04.306
The first week was crazy.
So much responsibility.

1092
00:53:04.389 --> 00:53:07.434
I had to feed her every day, bathe her,

1093
00:53:07.517 --> 00:53:11.021
explain to her that life is beautiful,
and the world is shit.

1094
00:53:11.104 --> 00:53:13.899
All of that was on me. Bianca was three.

1095
00:53:13.982 --> 00:53:16.151
What do I do? How do I…? No.

1096
00:53:18.612 --> 00:53:21.781
She couldn't die on me,
or else it would be my fault.

1097
00:53:21.865 --> 00:53:23.241
No! I took care of her.

1098
00:53:24.075 --> 00:53:27.120
It was nice, we played a lot.

1099
00:53:27.204 --> 00:53:28.205
All the time.

1100
00:53:28.288 --> 00:53:30.957
"Here comes Bianca with her tea!
How cute!"

1101
00:53:31.041 --> 00:53:32.500
"She dodges the night table."

1102
00:53:32.584 --> 00:53:34.419
"Gets past the broom, still coming."

1103
00:53:34.502 --> 00:53:36.463
"She made it! Goal!"

1104
00:53:36.546 --> 00:53:40.592
"Thanks, Mom, for making me Argentinian
and coeval with Bianca!!"

1105
00:53:42.636 --> 00:53:44.721
We played around all the time.

1106
00:53:44.804 --> 00:53:47.015
Being a young dad,
or being a dad in general,

1107
00:53:47.098 --> 00:53:50.518
reconnects you with your playful side.

1108
00:53:50.602 --> 00:53:53.647
We wore makeup and wigs. We played a lot!

1109
00:53:53.730 --> 00:53:56.733
We had a great game
that Bianca and I invented.

1110
00:53:56.816 --> 00:53:59.277
I like talking about it,
because some parent

1111
00:53:59.361 --> 00:54:02.113
with a kindergarten-age kids
might watch this and go,

1112
00:54:02.197 --> 00:54:04.407
"We should try playing their game."

1113
00:54:04.491 --> 00:54:06.534
Bianca was four then.

1114
00:54:07.160 --> 00:54:08.036
She was…

1115
00:54:10.330 --> 00:54:12.374
four, that's right. Exactly that.

1116
00:54:13.083 --> 00:54:14.960
The game is very easy. Piece of cake.

1117
00:54:15.043 --> 00:54:17.671
You need two participants,
an adult and a child.

1118
00:54:19.965 --> 00:54:22.133
What's interesting
is you don't bring it up.

1119
00:54:22.217 --> 00:54:23.635
You don't say, "Let's play."

1120
00:54:23.718 --> 00:54:27.264
If I suggested the game,
I felt she couldn't say no.

1121
00:54:27.347 --> 00:54:31.101
But if the game started on its own,
it was more interesting.

1122
00:54:31.184 --> 00:54:32.894
You didn't know when it started.

1123
00:54:32.978 --> 00:54:33.853
It's simple.

1124
00:54:33.937 --> 00:54:37.857
Suddenly, a dark entity
takes over my body.

1125
00:54:38.483 --> 00:54:41.444
The Devil. Satan. Beelzebub.

1126
00:54:42.529 --> 00:54:43.780
"Bianca."

1127
00:54:44.447 --> 00:54:45.824
I fall to the floor.

1128
00:54:46.616 --> 00:54:48.076
Start shaking.

1129
00:54:48.576 --> 00:54:49.577
A satanic attack.

1130
00:54:49.661 --> 00:54:51.204
Only one person in the house

1131
00:54:51.288 --> 00:54:54.791
knows the ritual of exorcising
the Devil out of me. Bianca.

1132
00:54:54.874 --> 00:54:56.668
The four-year-old comes and chants,

1133
00:54:56.751 --> 00:54:58.336
"Begone from my father's body."

1134
00:54:58.420 --> 00:55:01.172
"Begone, Satan and evil archangels.
Begone, Beelzebub!"

1135
00:55:01.673 --> 00:55:04.843
I'd stand up, hug her, she'd comfort me.

1136
00:55:05.635 --> 00:55:07.262
While I go to clean myself up,

1137
00:55:07.345 --> 00:55:10.724
Bianca would do a salt ring on the floor,
and light a black candle

1138
00:55:10.807 --> 00:55:13.518
with an inverted cross
to mark the cursed zone.

1139
00:55:13.601 --> 00:55:15.603
A child's game. I liked it.

1140
00:55:16.104 --> 00:55:19.316
"I find it nurturing,"
I said to Bianca's headmistress.

1141
00:55:19.399 --> 00:55:21.359
She told me to stop doing it.

1142
00:55:21.443 --> 00:55:24.529
But I liked it,
and Bianca was excited about it.

1143
00:55:24.612 --> 00:55:26.197
She enjoyed the game.

1144
00:55:26.823 --> 00:55:30.493
I made her a great exorcism kit
with a nice wooden box.

1145
00:55:31.244 --> 00:55:32.954
I put in some garlic,

1146
00:55:33.038 --> 00:55:34.664
a little stake, a little mallet.

1147
00:55:34.748 --> 00:55:37.167
Some holy water we stole
from a chapel near home.

1148
00:55:38.251 --> 00:55:40.712
Bianca went,
"The priest is with the altar boys!"

1149
00:55:40.795 --> 00:55:43.006
And I snatched a jar of holy water.

1150
00:55:43.089 --> 00:55:45.759
We split it back home.

1151
00:55:47.302 --> 00:55:50.722
A friend said, "You can't steal
holy water from church."

1152
00:55:50.805 --> 00:55:53.892
"But If you steal from a thief,
it's not stealing."

1153
00:55:53.975 --> 00:55:57.854
Damn! Rada's politically
incorrect comment!

1154
00:55:57.937 --> 00:56:00.940
Comedy can be used to express truths too.

1155
00:56:01.524 --> 00:56:02.359
Asshole.

1156
00:56:03.777 --> 00:56:07.405
After I realized stealing holy water
was kinda wrong, or whatever,

1157
00:56:07.489 --> 00:56:09.407
I decided to make it myself.
I looked it up.

1158
00:56:09.491 --> 00:56:12.243
Tutorial on how to bless tap water.

1159
00:56:14.788 --> 00:56:17.749
Same as priests, minus the State salary.

1160
00:56:18.333 --> 00:56:21.753
Rada, not bothered
by social criticism, strikes again.

1161
00:56:23.588 --> 00:56:25.548
I made her a great cross,

1162
00:56:25.632 --> 00:56:28.468
I'm good with wood.
It was a beautiful pink cross.

1163
00:56:28.551 --> 00:56:31.179
I didn't add a Jesus Christ.
I abhorred the image

1164
00:56:31.262 --> 00:56:33.348
of a nailed and bleeding man.

1165
00:56:33.431 --> 00:56:37.227
Instead, I glued on a plastic doll.
Like this.

1166
00:56:38.019 --> 00:56:40.146
Naked, with tears of glitter.

1167
00:56:40.230 --> 00:56:42.273
Like a virgin that cries glitter.

1168
00:56:42.357 --> 00:56:44.359
She was charming, with fantastic hair.

1169
00:56:45.777 --> 00:56:49.239
And I'd written on the doll…

1170
00:56:49.823 --> 00:56:51.616
You know how in movies,

1171
00:56:51.699 --> 00:56:55.036
when something satanic is going on,
they write words in reverse?

1172
00:56:55.120 --> 00:56:58.748
I wrote "Eye," "Reviver," "Kayak"
on her body.

1173
00:56:58.832 --> 00:57:01.918
Bianca wore the cross. She was little.
The cross was this big.

1174
00:57:02.001 --> 00:57:04.754
She was always carrying
her exorcist suitcase.

1175
00:57:04.838 --> 00:57:06.548
"Are you okay, Dad?" "Yes, honey."

1176
00:57:06.631 --> 00:57:07.882
"Just let me know."

1177
00:57:07.966 --> 00:57:10.802
And once in a while
she'd splash me with holy water.

1178
00:57:12.137 --> 00:57:12.971
Poor Bianca.

1179
00:57:13.513 --> 00:57:16.266
She was so excited
that one day I caught her

1180
00:57:16.349 --> 00:57:18.726
taking the exorcism kit to kindergarten.

1181
00:57:18.810 --> 00:57:20.145
"Bianca, what's that for?"

1182
00:57:20.228 --> 00:57:21.896
"What if it happens to Fermín?"

1183
00:57:21.980 --> 00:57:23.648
"No, honey, leave it here."

1184
00:57:23.731 --> 00:57:26.067
"It's just a game. Go now."

1185
00:57:27.735 --> 00:57:28.653
I don't blame her.

1186
00:57:28.736 --> 00:57:30.738
Bianca was so innocent and naive.

1187
00:57:31.781 --> 00:57:33.825
I got carried away too. So stupid!

1188
00:57:34.742 --> 00:57:37.078
I was just fine, working on my computer,

1189
00:57:37.162 --> 00:57:38.621
when the Devil possessed me.

1190
00:57:39.330 --> 00:57:41.791
I started shaking like crazy.

1191
00:57:41.875 --> 00:57:44.836
And Bianca wasn't there. So I was screwed.

1192
00:57:44.919 --> 00:57:47.088
Luckily, the handyman
was fixing the heater.

1193
00:57:47.172 --> 00:57:48.339
"What do I do?"

1194
00:57:48.423 --> 00:57:50.675
"Call Bianca!" I could barely speak.

1195
00:57:51.509 --> 00:57:54.721
He had to go to kindergarten,
get Bianca, sign for her.

1196
00:57:54.804 --> 00:57:56.389
"Who's taking her?" "Handyman."

1197
00:57:56.473 --> 00:57:58.266
"Reason?" "Her dad is possessed."

1198
00:57:58.349 --> 00:58:00.727
"Just take her." They already knew me.

1199
00:58:02.061 --> 00:58:05.607
Bianca arrived and immediately saved me.
Of course, she knew how.

1200
00:58:05.690 --> 00:58:06.691
The handyman didn't.

1201
00:58:09.235 --> 00:58:13.198
I finally realized
the game wasn't all that normal,

1202
00:58:15.116 --> 00:58:19.829
when Bianca wanted to invite Vicky,
her friend from kindergarten.

1203
00:58:19.913 --> 00:58:22.874
They'd have tea, play and watch cartoons.

1204
00:58:23.458 --> 00:58:24.959
I asked her dad, Fabián.

1205
00:58:25.043 --> 00:58:27.378
"Yes, of course. I'll pick her up later."

1206
00:58:27.462 --> 00:58:29.714
"Do the horn! I'm a fan!" "Bye."

1207
00:58:29.797 --> 00:58:31.257
And I went home.

1208
00:58:31.341 --> 00:58:32.425
We were doing great.

1209
00:58:32.509 --> 00:58:35.261
Bianca was drinking her milk
and watching cartoons.

1210
00:58:36.137 --> 00:58:38.306
I decided to behave.

1211
00:58:38.806 --> 00:58:40.433
No Devil today, no.

1212
00:58:41.017 --> 00:58:41.851
No!

1213
00:58:42.352 --> 00:58:43.937
Not today, Vicky's here.

1214
00:58:44.020 --> 00:58:45.688
No Devil. We will frighten her.

1215
00:58:55.323 --> 00:58:57.367
"Bianca." No! Not today.

1216
00:58:57.867 --> 00:58:58.701
"Dad, you okay?"

1217
00:58:58.785 --> 00:59:01.204
"Don't worry, honey.
It won't happen today."

1218
00:59:02.914 --> 00:59:04.374
Suddenly, it got out of hand.

1219
00:59:05.208 --> 00:59:06.042
I fell.

1220
00:59:07.585 --> 00:59:09.546
It was a full-blown exorcist scene!

1221
00:59:09.629 --> 00:59:11.631
Snot, shit in my pants, the whole thing.

1222
00:59:11.714 --> 00:59:13.049
The Devil was very angry.

1223
00:59:13.132 --> 00:59:16.427
Bianca went, "Begone, spirit.
Begone, Satan and evil archangels.

1224
00:59:16.511 --> 00:59:17.845
Begone, Beelzebub!"

1225
00:59:18.346 --> 00:59:19.180
I stood up.

1226
00:59:19.764 --> 00:59:21.683
Bianca hugged me. I was in shock.

1227
00:59:22.559 --> 00:59:24.769
"Dad, you smell like shit." Right, I went.

1228
00:59:26.980 --> 00:59:30.900
I returned from the bathroom.
The Devil left me, but it possessed Vicky.

1229
00:59:30.984 --> 00:59:32.151
Vicky was like this.

1230
00:59:36.155 --> 00:59:36.990
"Call…"

1231
00:59:37.657 --> 00:59:38.741
"Call my dad."

1232
00:59:40.660 --> 00:59:42.161
"Call my dad."

1233
00:59:42.745 --> 00:59:45.456
"Vicky, it's just a game that we…"
"Call my dad."

1234
00:59:46.249 --> 00:59:47.083
"Dad."

1235
00:59:47.584 --> 00:59:48.585
"Dad."

1236
00:59:49.085 --> 00:59:50.336
"Vicky, it's a game…"

1237
00:59:50.420 --> 00:59:52.088
"Call my dad."

1238
00:59:52.171 --> 00:59:53.673
"Bianca, do something!"

1239
00:59:53.756 --> 00:59:56.926
"Begone, spirit!
Begone, Satan and evil archangels."

1240
00:59:57.010 --> 00:59:59.929
She smacked her with a bay leaf branch.
"No, honey, stop."

1241
01:00:00.555 --> 01:00:01.639
I called her dad.

1242
01:00:01.723 --> 01:00:04.601
"Fabián, come get your daughter,
Something is wrong."

1243
01:00:04.684 --> 01:00:05.643
The guy came over.

1244
01:00:06.144 --> 01:00:09.022
They were a really Christian family.
He came with a Bible.

1245
01:00:09.105 --> 01:00:12.775
He saw Vicky.
"Look, sometimes the Devil gets me."

1246
01:00:12.859 --> 01:00:15.570
"That's why I'm here,"
said Bianca, with the cross.

1247
01:00:15.653 --> 01:00:17.447
"Bianca, go to your room.

1248
01:00:17.530 --> 01:00:19.699
This is grown up stuff.
I'll handle it. Go."

1249
01:00:28.333 --> 01:00:29.208
"I have no idea."

1250
01:00:29.792 --> 01:00:33.421
Lifting Vicky was a two-man job.
She was stiff as a board.

1251
01:00:33.504 --> 01:00:36.174
We had to wedge her onto the back seat.

1252
01:00:36.257 --> 01:00:38.092
Diagonally, as doors wouldn't close.

1253
01:00:38.176 --> 01:00:40.345
I will never erase
that image from my head!

1254
01:00:40.428 --> 01:00:41.262
Poor Vicky.

1255
01:00:41.346 --> 01:00:43.014
She was like this.

1256
01:00:44.599 --> 01:00:47.518
Before leaving, the guy said,
"You're a fucking asshole."

1257
01:00:47.602 --> 01:00:50.063
"Excuse me? Why is that?"
"You're an asshole."

1258
01:00:50.146 --> 01:00:52.565
"Grow up. You've got
doodles on your arms."

1259
01:00:52.649 --> 01:00:56.069
"You fool around all day long!
Have you lost your marbles?"

1260
01:00:56.152 --> 01:00:58.321
"As for my girl, don't worry about her."

1261
01:00:58.404 --> 01:01:00.448
"We're going straight
to the Pentecostal church."

1262
01:01:00.531 --> 01:01:03.368
"We'll dip her in a pool of holy water,
she'll be saved."

1263
01:01:03.451 --> 01:01:04.535
"But your daughter?"

1264
01:01:04.619 --> 01:01:06.746
"All day like this!
What's wrong with you?"

1265
01:01:06.829 --> 01:01:08.081
"She won't come out unscathed."

1266
01:01:08.164 --> 01:01:11.584
"If she wants to be a lawyer,
a dentist, an agronomist, an architect,

1267
01:01:11.668 --> 01:01:13.836
who will be her role model?
Her stupid dad?"

1268
01:01:14.170 --> 01:01:17.924
"What if she does become a lawyer?
'Your Honor, this is the evidence.'"

1269
01:01:18.007 --> 01:01:20.051
"Are you an idiot? You have to grow up."

1270
01:01:20.635 --> 01:01:21.761
"Grow. Up."

1271
01:01:21.844 --> 01:01:22.845
And he left.

1272
01:01:23.638 --> 01:01:24.472
"Me?"

1273
01:01:29.227 --> 01:01:30.228
That was my answer.

1274
01:01:35.274 --> 01:01:38.194
Serendipity

1275
01:01:38.277 --> 01:01:39.153
Hi?

1276
01:01:39.237 --> 01:01:41.656
Honey… Sorry, ex-honey.

1277
01:01:41.739 --> 01:01:42.657
Force of habit.

1278
01:01:43.574 --> 01:01:45.868
He called you? He's such a tattletale.

1279
01:01:46.494 --> 01:01:47.912
We were just playing.

1280
01:01:47.995 --> 01:01:49.497
Just a bit. But I always…

1281
01:01:49.580 --> 01:01:51.999
How could I know she would get like that?

1282
01:01:53.042 --> 01:01:55.044
You're right. I got carried away. Sorry.

1283
01:01:55.962 --> 01:01:57.964
Serendipity

1284
01:01:58.047 --> 01:02:01.718
It's a very fortunate find

1285
01:02:01.801 --> 01:02:04.679
Valuable and unexpected

1286
01:02:04.762 --> 01:02:08.266
That happens all of a sudden

1287
01:02:08.808 --> 01:02:11.394
You're very angry.
Do you miss me? You don't.

1288
01:02:11.477 --> 01:02:15.565
It can also be a man's talent

1289
01:02:15.648 --> 01:02:18.901
To realize he found something important

1290
01:02:18.985 --> 01:02:22.447
That he wasn't looking for

1291
01:02:23.656 --> 01:02:24.824
Do you understand?

1292
01:02:24.907 --> 01:02:28.286
You're trying to explain,
but some things have no explanation.

1293
01:02:28.369 --> 01:02:31.622
Life suggests paths,
and you choose one. Or you don't.

1294
01:02:31.706 --> 01:02:33.958
Excuse my metaphor.

1295
01:02:34.041 --> 01:02:37.545
Sometimes you build a room
in two hours or hang a picture,

1296
01:02:37.628 --> 01:02:40.006
but life foils all your plans.

1297
01:02:40.089 --> 01:02:41.674
It's an image I have.

1298
01:02:42.341 --> 01:02:44.260
Like the Japanese guy, remember him?

1299
01:02:44.343 --> 01:02:46.554
Remember what the dry cleaner said?

1300
01:02:46.637 --> 01:02:48.848
"If you plant a quince,
you may get a lemon."

1301
01:02:48.931 --> 01:02:50.516
You didn't want lemons.

1302
01:02:50.600 --> 01:02:52.602
So what do you do?
Get angry at the lemons?

1303
01:02:52.685 --> 01:02:54.353
No! You make lemonade. That's it.

1304
01:02:54.437 --> 01:02:56.856
When you least expect it
You can find love

1305
01:02:56.939 --> 01:02:59.150
In the bus, next to you
When you don't see it coming

1306
01:02:59.233 --> 01:03:02.069
The paths and shortcuts
Work and yesterday

1307
01:03:02.153 --> 01:03:04.655
Girlfriend, drugs, money
Your past or what you have

1308
01:03:04.739 --> 01:03:07.492
You gotta take it as it is

1309
01:03:07.575 --> 01:03:09.702
You gotta take it or leave it

1310
01:03:09.786 --> 01:03:12.622
When I open a door

1311
01:03:13.414 --> 01:03:15.541
All the rest open too

1312
01:03:15.625 --> 01:03:17.460
But Bianca has fun.

1313
01:03:17.543 --> 01:03:19.212
Serendipity

1314
01:03:19.295 --> 01:03:24.217
Bianca will be whatever she wants to be.
An artist, a lawyer, you name it.

1315
01:03:24.300 --> 01:03:27.136
She'll figure it out, like you and I did…

1316
01:03:28.012 --> 01:03:30.306
Missing your stop

1317
01:03:30.389 --> 01:03:32.850
Getting off far from home

1318
01:03:33.559 --> 01:03:35.770
Maybe your life will change

1319
01:03:35.853 --> 01:03:37.688
In the blink of an eye

1320
01:03:38.397 --> 01:03:40.900
Success and failure

1321
01:03:40.983 --> 01:03:43.402
Fate and the unknown

1322
01:03:43.486 --> 01:03:46.489
Cholesterol and parties

1323
01:03:46.572 --> 01:03:49.200
Patience and desire

1324
01:03:49.283 --> 01:03:52.161
Letting go or holding on

1325
01:03:52.245 --> 01:03:54.372
Is losing or letting them win

1326
01:03:54.455 --> 01:03:57.250
Wanderer, there is no path

1327
01:03:57.333 --> 01:04:00.419
You make it as you go

1328
01:04:00.503 --> 01:04:02.672
Serendipity

1329
01:04:02.755 --> 01:04:05.633
I think you're the best mother
Bianca could have.

1330
01:04:05.716 --> 01:04:07.260
Serendipity

1331
01:04:07.343 --> 01:04:09.345
I have to go. Bye.

1332
01:04:09.428 --> 01:04:10.721
Keep the painting for me.

1333
01:04:11.722 --> 01:04:14.350
Santa Claus, my parents, my brother

1334
01:04:14.433 --> 01:04:16.936
Charles and the egg trick

1335
01:04:17.019 --> 01:04:19.772
I didn't want to be a magician

1336
01:04:19.856 --> 01:04:22.733
Because magicians don't get laid

1337
01:04:22.817 --> 01:04:25.361
Magicians don't get laid

1338
01:04:25.444 --> 01:04:27.989
Magicians don't get laid

1339
01:04:28.072 --> 01:04:31.242
Magicians don't get laid and never will

1340
01:04:31.826 --> 01:04:34.161
My first time was at 19

1341
01:04:34.662 --> 01:04:36.664
Divorce and love

1342
01:04:37.164 --> 01:04:39.333
If there's anything I know

1343
01:04:39.417 --> 01:04:42.169
Is that everything is better

1344
01:04:42.253 --> 01:04:44.839
You gotta take it or leave it

1345
01:04:44.922 --> 01:04:47.550
You gotta know the best hasn't come yet

1346
01:04:47.633 --> 01:04:50.636
Everything gives you something

1347
01:04:50.720 --> 01:04:53.806
Bianca is the cutest

1348
01:04:53.890 --> 01:04:57.602
Bianca!

1349
01:04:57.685 --> 01:05:01.564
You're the best

1350
01:05:03.190 --> 01:05:07.278
Bianca

1351
01:05:07.361 --> 01:05:10.072
It's so great

1352
01:05:12.491 --> 01:05:15.202
To be

1353
01:05:16.621 --> 01:05:18.998
You dad

1354
01:05:22.543 --> 01:05:24.921
We've been told at a very early age

1355
01:05:25.588 --> 01:05:28.007
that life is a straight line.

1356
01:05:28.841 --> 01:05:31.135
That if you do everything right,

1357
01:05:31.218 --> 01:05:32.803
study, work,

1358
01:05:32.887 --> 01:05:35.806
fall in love, get married, have kids,

1359
01:05:36.390 --> 01:05:39.352
you'll get, with no trouble at all,

1360
01:05:39.435 --> 01:05:41.145
from point A to point B.

1361
01:05:42.605 --> 01:05:43.981
A straight line?

1362
01:05:44.065 --> 01:05:44.941
Bullshit.

1363
01:05:45.024 --> 01:05:47.735
To me, life is when you leave
your parents' house.

1364
01:05:47.818 --> 01:05:49.320
When you are madly in love,

1365
01:05:49.403 --> 01:05:52.031
and she gives you the boot.

1366
01:05:53.407 --> 01:05:55.201
When you achieve your dream,

1367
01:05:55.284 --> 01:05:57.745
and realize it's kinda boring.

1368
01:05:57.828 --> 01:05:59.330
When you make money.

1369
01:05:59.413 --> 01:06:00.706
When you're broke.

1370
01:06:01.415 --> 01:06:03.751
When you become a father at 22.

1371
01:06:03.834 --> 01:06:06.128
When the unexpected happens.

1372
01:06:06.212 --> 01:06:08.756
To me, there are two ways to look at it.

1373
01:06:09.674 --> 01:06:13.469
You either get angry, curse, cry,

1374
01:06:13.552 --> 01:06:17.473
lash out at everyone
because life is not what you expected,

1375
01:06:17.556 --> 01:06:19.892
or what they told you it would be like.

1376
01:06:20.643 --> 01:06:21.477
Or…

1377
01:06:22.353 --> 01:06:23.604
you can actually grow up.

1378
01:06:24.146 --> 01:06:27.733
And realize that everything,
the good, the bad, the ugly,

1379
01:06:27.817 --> 01:06:31.237
the beautiful, the marvelous,
the unpredictable,

1380
01:06:32.530 --> 01:06:35.992
is a chance that life gives you every day.

1381
01:06:36.617 --> 01:06:38.619
A chance of walking down a new path.

1382
01:06:40.997 --> 01:06:44.792
Growing up means doing the same things

1383
01:06:44.875 --> 01:06:47.628
No matter what the rest think

1384
01:06:48.921 --> 01:06:52.008
Growing up means doing the same things

1385
01:06:53.050 --> 01:06:55.428
No matter what they think

1386
01:06:55.511 --> 01:06:58.222
No matter what they think

1387
01:06:58.889 --> 01:07:00.141
I bought it.

1388
01:07:01.642 --> 01:07:05.062
An unbreakable plastic truck.

1389
01:07:06.105 --> 01:07:10.192
Serendipity

1390
01:07:11.777 --> 01:07:16.198
Serendipity

1391
01:07:16.282 --> 01:07:19.618
After all, Santa, you were not so wrong.

1392
01:07:51.984 --> 01:07:53.778
One, two…

1393
01:07:53.861 --> 01:07:55.529
One, two, three, go!

1394
01:08:06.749 --> 01:08:08.209
It's an empty house, man.

1395
01:09:21.740 --> 01:09:23.742
Subtitle translation by: Ivan Cukier