WEBVTT FILE

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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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♪

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A day in the life would be...

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It would be very lonely.

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Thoughts were very powerful,

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they would kind of control
everything I could do from...

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It was more than just the food,

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it was who you spoke to,

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it was whether
you walked somewhere

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or whether you got the bus.

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♪

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I would wake up
thinking about food

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and thinking about my body.

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I would look at myself
in the mirror

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and be insanely critical
over how I looked.

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I was so horrible to myself
every single day.

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♪

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And here in the UK,

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I just couldn't see someone
organically loving their body,

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and I was a bit disappointed.

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♪

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What started out as, you know,

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let's just take
better care of ourselves

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really, really quickly
turned into something

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horribly destructive.

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♪

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♪

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♪

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Two more.

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Ah!

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♪

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Every waking moment of my life

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was simply thought around food...
When I was gonna eat,

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how much of it
I was going to eat,

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when I was going to exercise,

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how hard I was going
to exercise.

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That was just the running
conversation in my...

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It was almost like
there was someone else,

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like a demon living in my head

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just being horrible to me 24/7.

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Come on.

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Push!

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I bought into
a pro bodybuilder's diet

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and training plan,

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and I was probably training
seven days a week.

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I reckon I was eating 1,500,
1,600 calories a day

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spread out over seven meals,

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so every meal was like
the portion size

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for a rabbit or a small child.

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I then add some MyProtein
maple syrup flavor drops,

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'cause these make everything
taste super duper nice.

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My gym sessions tended
to consist of two sessions a day

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over six or seven days a week.

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Each session,
I probably had to do

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an hour and a half
of cardio every morning,

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and then an hour
to an hour and a half

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of weights every day.

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I started to lose my mind,
quite literally.

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♪

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I remember standing in front
of chillers in supermarkets

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for what felt like forever
in utter panic.

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"What am I going to eat?

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How many calories
has that got in it?

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How many grams of fat?"

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Just absolute panic.

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And the more malnourished I was,

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the more that panic
was unmanageable.

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Genuinely, it was like
my head was on fire,

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like the whole time.

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Imagine a fire alarm
going off constantly.

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And you know, like, the beeps
that are right in your ear

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and you can hear the ringing
and it's really...

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It's obnoxious
and it's just constant

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and you can't
really think straight?

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♪

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One extreme was this religious
calorie-tracking obsession

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behind what I was doing

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to the point then of overwhelm,

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where I'd think,
"Oh, stuff this,

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I can't do it anymore,"
and then I would binge eat.

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And so on my binges,
I would probably consume

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somewhere between 10,000
and 15,000 calories

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in one sitting,

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and I would always
look forward to that.

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It's celebrated, almost,
in today's day and age

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as a cheat meal.

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Now, my cheat meal,
I would order in

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an extra large Domino's pizza.

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I would eat all of that

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alongside four slices
of garlic bread,

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four cookies, one or two tubs
of Häagen-Dazs

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or Ben and Jerry's ice cream,

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and then one or two bars
of family sized chocolate,

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you know?

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♪

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I had reached
way beyond my goal weight.

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I was underweight,
and I was really small.

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I just... I remember flying home
from my friend's house,

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I'd been to see her
in Newcastle,

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and I bought an entire packet,

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like a family sized
packet of biscuits,

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and I tipped them all
into my hand luggage

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so that I could secretly
eat them on the way home,

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because I knew
that when I went home,

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I would have to get back on it.

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You know, I'd have
to start it again.

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So this was my last supper,
they call it.

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"Oh, well, I've eaten
three biscuits now.

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Last supper, I'll eat everything
in the entire house,

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and then
I'll start again tomorrow,

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I'll get back on it,
I'll be good again tomorrow."

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♪

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You can imagine how horrific
I would feel after doing that,

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but I was punishing
and purging myself

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because I thought, well,
I've broken my diet rules,

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so I might as well
keep breaking them

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and then
I'll start again Monday.

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And that's the cycle
that I found myself in.

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Then it got a little bit darker,
so I would overeat,

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and then try
and make myself sick.

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♪

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And those "last supper" moments

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were becoming more
and more uncontrollable.

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And I remember
standing in the queue

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having landed back home

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and having destroyed
all the evidence

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of everything I've eaten
and just bursting into tears

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and thinking, "There is
something horribly wrong.

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This isn't okay."

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And initially, I was so confused

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because I felt like
I had everything

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that I thought I wanted,

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and I couldn't understand

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why I couldn't
control myself enough

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to keep this gift
that I had gifted myself,

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you know, this end result
that was meant to be utopia.

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♪

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I looked stereotypically perfect
in terms of society's terms,

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you know, what we perceive
to be a perfect body,

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I guess I had obtained it.

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♪

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I developed an eating disorder
in my teens,

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when I was about
15 years old at school.

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It kind of began
as just casual dieting,

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eating a little bit less.

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I lost a little bit of weight,

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and then it became
more and more extreme,

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to the point
where I was diagnosed

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with anorexia nervosa.

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Certain foods
I felt I shouldn't eat

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'cause I wanted to lose weight

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or other people were
kind of demonizing them.

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So at school, we had a canteen,

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and at break time,
everyone would buy a snack.

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And some people would just
have an apple or have nothing,

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and slowly I became more aware

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of foods that were
kind of weight loss foods

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and foods that weren't.

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♪

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Growing up, I definitely
turned to food as an escape.

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So my mom and dad divorced
when I was eight.

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It was very, very, very messy,

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and food was an outlet for me.

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I was taught
the good and bad of food

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but as a child
I never quite saw food as that,

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I just saw it as like...
Almost like a friend

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that I could turn to
and it would make me happy.

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And when I was about 10,
I believe it was,

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my dad took me to a dietician,

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and I just remember
it just being

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a very, very serious
conversation

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of like my weight
and the size I was.

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♪

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As I developed
more and more into the illness,

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it did become about weight,
and it was a very rigid control

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of the number on the scales,

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and that became the focus.

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And my view of exercise
also changed.

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I used to just love
being an outdoors person,

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and then over the years
at school,

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it became more of a routine
that I must do,

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another way of controlling,
kind of, my behavior.

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♪

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So my dad has always been
very fitness conscious.

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He's very into
the good and bad food idea.

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It would simply be
like my dad would monitor,

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so if we'd gone out
the night before,

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we'd had some food,

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like it would be a mixture
of burger and chips one night

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and then maybe something
like a pasta dish the next.

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Like whereas my mom,
it would be what we wanted.

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So we had a bit
of a free-for-all.

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♪

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And I kept getting
progressively more unwell,

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and so eventually,
I was admitted

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to an inpatient unit.

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I've been in twice,
once when I was at school,

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so I missed
my final year of school,

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and I received treatment
for quite a long time,

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about nine months,
but I was still mentally

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in a very bad place.

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And so unfortunately,
I relapsed,

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and this time quite badly.

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I got to a very, very low BMI,

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and a very poor physical
and mental state

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and was admitted
to hospital again.

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And I think that's when I felt
like I hit rock bottom.

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I... I didn't leave the unit
for a very long time.

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♪

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Oh, man.

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Long nails are the enemy

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of progress

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when it comes
to doing eyelashes.

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But I have to be cute.

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My biological mom was
really verbally abusive

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towards me and my body,

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and I think that's when
I started hating who I was.

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She'd always say to me
that my face was beautiful

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and I was really pretty,

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00:11:08.064 --> 00:11:11.164
but it was just a shame
that my body didn't match.

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And hearing that
when you're seven, eight, nine,

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10, 11, 12, 16, 18,

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your mom's voice becomes
your inner voice.

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That's just life, that's...

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You're the product
of your environment.

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♪

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There we go, there's the fringe.

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This is who I recognize.

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Oh.

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00:11:39.326 --> 00:11:42.063
I'm so used to having lashes,

232
00:11:42.098 --> 00:11:45.968
but I'm au naturale today.

233
00:11:46.003 --> 00:11:47.035
Come on.

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When I was a child,
I was molested

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by a biological...
Not foster family...

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Biological family member.

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That was never dealt with,

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00:12:03.350 --> 00:12:05.790
and I was just told
that it was my fault.

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00:12:05.825 --> 00:12:08.518
When I was 13,
I got raped again,

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but I couldn't talk
to anyone about it.

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I didn't really understand
what sex was,

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00:12:13.833 --> 00:12:15.492
let alone rape.

243
00:12:15.527 --> 00:12:19.529
I couldn't even
fight valiantly, you know?

244
00:12:19.564 --> 00:12:20.463
When people go into battle,

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even if they know
they're gonna die,

246
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they still just,
"Ahhh! For Sparta!"

247
00:12:24.503 --> 00:12:27.438
Or whatever,
but I didn't have that at all.

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I felt like everyone
had some kind of armor

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or weaponry on,

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and I was just
a young girl there

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in rag clothes, like sackcloth,

252
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and I just got shot, killed,
assaulted, murdered,

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and I didn't have any control
or any choice over it.

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00:12:44.831 --> 00:12:49.933
And because I didn't fight,
because I couldn't fight,

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00:12:49.968 --> 00:12:51.495
I hated myself for it,

256
00:12:51.530 --> 00:12:54.905
and I detached myself
from my body

257
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for a very, very,
very long time.

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00:12:59.538 --> 00:13:03.815
I binge-ate and over...

259
00:13:03.850 --> 00:13:05.443
I just never heard

260
00:13:05.478 --> 00:13:07.313
about being intuitive
with my own body,

261
00:13:07.348 --> 00:13:08.952
and I didn't
really like my body,

262
00:13:08.987 --> 00:13:11.020
so the prospect of
having to listen to it

263
00:13:11.055 --> 00:13:14.386
or be in it
in order to respond to it

264
00:13:14.421 --> 00:13:16.960
in a way that was
beneficial to me

265
00:13:16.995 --> 00:13:18.995
was wildly alien.

266
00:13:19.030 --> 00:13:20.227
And being a disabled person

267
00:13:20.262 --> 00:13:22.966
just made that
an awful lot harder.

268
00:13:23.001 --> 00:13:24.429
Being in the medical system

269
00:13:24.464 --> 00:13:28.235
and actually not always being
physically capable of eating

270
00:13:28.270 --> 00:13:30.842
and getting my nutrition orally.

271
00:13:30.877 --> 00:13:35.407
♪

272
00:13:38.643 --> 00:13:42.986
- That's all right.
- Yeah, probably fine.

273
00:13:43.021 --> 00:13:44.856
No, I didn't notice immediately.

274
00:13:44.891 --> 00:13:48.585
And I think she...
Hannah had slimmed down,

275
00:13:48.620 --> 00:13:50.961
but actually I remember
thinking she looked...

276
00:13:50.996 --> 00:13:53.491
I mean, she was still...
She wasn't skinny,

277
00:13:53.526 --> 00:13:56.131
but she'd definitely
slimmed down,

278
00:13:56.166 --> 00:13:58.364
and she was always
quite a keen cyclist.

279
00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:00.300
And I remember we went cycling

280
00:14:00.335 --> 00:14:02.368
just before it all
sort of got really bad,

281
00:14:02.403 --> 00:14:04.447
and I just remember thinking
that she looked lovely,

282
00:14:04.471 --> 00:14:07.571
and I didn't think
for one minute

283
00:14:07.606 --> 00:14:10.178
that it was the problem it was.

284
00:14:10.213 --> 00:14:14.578
And I started to realize
that she was losing more weight,

285
00:14:14.613 --> 00:14:15.746
and then I got worried.

286
00:14:15.781 --> 00:14:18.516
And then I think the school
asked us to talk to them.

287
00:14:18.551 --> 00:14:20.419
♪

288
00:14:20.454 --> 00:14:22.134
Certainly, when Hannah
was an adolescent,

289
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:25.193
the therapy was based on
the parents taking control

290
00:14:25.228 --> 00:14:27.096
and actually having a meal plan

291
00:14:27.131 --> 00:14:28.537
and making them stick
to the meal plan

292
00:14:28.561 --> 00:14:31.529
so they ate everything
on the table,

293
00:14:31.564 --> 00:14:33.113
and we could be there
at two in the morning

294
00:14:33.137 --> 00:14:35.665
trying to get a yogurt in,

295
00:14:35.700 --> 00:14:39.174
and that caused a huge conflict.

296
00:14:39.209 --> 00:14:43.343
Ultimately, when the disorder's
so much about control,

297
00:14:43.378 --> 00:14:45.224
if someone's trying
to force you to do something,

298
00:14:45.248 --> 00:14:48.117
they're taking everything
out of your control.

299
00:14:48.152 --> 00:14:51.219
And I think the times
when you tried to force me

300
00:14:51.254 --> 00:14:53.287
were the times
when the eating disorder

301
00:14:53.322 --> 00:14:56.356
fought back harder than ever.

302
00:14:56.391 --> 00:14:59.964
So it's meant to be
early intervention...

303
00:14:59.999 --> 00:15:02.428
Eating disorders
are not about food.

304
00:15:02.463 --> 00:15:03.935
They're never about food.

305
00:15:03.970 --> 00:15:05.343
When something goes wrong
with eating,

306
00:15:05.367 --> 00:15:06.333
then we know that
there's something

307
00:15:06.368 --> 00:15:08.467
really fundamental going wrong.

308
00:15:08.502 --> 00:15:11.602
And that's why treatments
for eating disorders

309
00:15:11.637 --> 00:15:15.474
are long and complex
and intense.

310
00:15:15.509 --> 00:15:17.509
There's a kind of wish sometimes

311
00:15:17.544 --> 00:15:18.410
for it to be about the food

312
00:15:18.445 --> 00:15:20.985
because that would
just be much easier.

313
00:15:22.549 --> 00:15:25.957
- And she said Sydenham Hill.
- Yeah.

314
00:15:32.724 --> 00:15:36.033
I've never, ever,
ever spoken to my dad,

315
00:15:36.068 --> 00:15:38.365
but I know, growing up, my dad...

316
00:15:38.400 --> 00:15:42.369
I believe it was protecting me
from being fat,

317
00:15:42.404 --> 00:15:44.404
because, in that day and age,

318
00:15:44.439 --> 00:15:46.637
and I mean, it's still here now,

319
00:15:46.672 --> 00:15:49.112
but being fat was bad,

320
00:15:49.147 --> 00:15:51.114
and I think he thought
me being bigger

321
00:15:51.149 --> 00:15:54.150
would limit my chances
of having a good life

322
00:15:54.185 --> 00:15:57.285
and succeeding and doing well.

323
00:16:05.361 --> 00:16:07.042
I actually ended up
with an eating disorder,

324
00:16:07.066 --> 00:16:09.759
which lasted
for about six years,

325
00:16:09.794 --> 00:16:13.037
so I suffered terribly
from binge-eating disorder,

326
00:16:13.072 --> 00:16:15.402
and that was closely linked
with body dysmorphia,

327
00:16:15.437 --> 00:16:19.571
so I had in my mind that
I needed to look a certain way.

328
00:16:19.606 --> 00:16:21.111
I was kind of placing
my happiness

329
00:16:21.146 --> 00:16:22.640
in something external,

330
00:16:22.675 --> 00:16:25.478
and it just led to very extreme
food style behaviors,

331
00:16:25.513 --> 00:16:28.679
so having come
from a good relationship

332
00:16:28.714 --> 00:16:30.351
with food growing up,

333
00:16:30.386 --> 00:16:34.091
it soon went south
very, very quickly.

334
00:16:37.690 --> 00:16:42.528
Think of bigorexia
like reverse anorexia.

335
00:16:42.563 --> 00:16:45.564
Instead of people
who really want to be thin

336
00:16:45.599 --> 00:16:48.666
and desperately want
to lose weight,

337
00:16:48.701 --> 00:16:51.636
you have predominantly young men

338
00:16:51.671 --> 00:16:54.045
who want to be more muscular,

339
00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:57.180
and the sort of diet
and training

340
00:16:57.215 --> 00:16:59.215
that they involve
themselves with

341
00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:01.415
are geared toward
becoming more muscular.

342
00:17:04.585 --> 00:17:07.586
Muscle dysmorphia is
not dangerous, per se,

343
00:17:07.621 --> 00:17:10.424
but it is debilitating,
and that's different.

344
00:17:10.459 --> 00:17:12.756
People who have
really high levels of anxiety

345
00:17:12.791 --> 00:17:14.230
are debilitated by it.

346
00:17:14.265 --> 00:17:15.759
Like, it can ruin their life.

347
00:17:15.794 --> 00:17:19.301
And we see a similar thing
with muscle dysmorphia.

348
00:17:22.570 --> 00:17:23.734
Are you an idiot?

349
00:17:23.769 --> 00:17:26.308
What is this?

350
00:17:26.343 --> 00:17:29.278
You'd better do
your dancing again.

351
00:17:29.313 --> 00:17:33.546
I think it is celebrating
a disordered behavior

352
00:17:33.581 --> 00:17:35.647
in relationship with food,

353
00:17:35.682 --> 00:17:39.090
and it's an attempt
to legitimize that behavior

354
00:17:39.125 --> 00:17:41.389
by giving it another name.

355
00:17:41.424 --> 00:17:46.097
But I think if we take
the cheat meal concept out of it

356
00:17:46.132 --> 00:17:47.376
and we look at it
for what it is,

357
00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:51.564
I think it's fairly obvious
that it's a disordered behavior

358
00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:53.434
to engage with with food.

359
00:18:04.348 --> 00:18:08.581
I didn't treat my body
with any amount of love,

360
00:18:08.616 --> 00:18:10.385
I was so detached from it.

361
00:18:10.420 --> 00:18:14.818
Be it the small things,
like... sounds silly,

362
00:18:14.853 --> 00:18:16.787
but as a Black woman,
just cleaning my skin.

363
00:18:16.822 --> 00:18:17.887
I hated it.

364
00:18:17.922 --> 00:18:18.922
I hated the skin.

365
00:18:18.957 --> 00:18:23.761
I hated the skin
that didn't do anything for me.

366
00:18:23.796 --> 00:18:29.833
Or eating unhealthily,

367
00:18:29.868 --> 00:18:32.341
not necessarily binge-eating,

368
00:18:32.376 --> 00:18:33.650
but not eating
throughout the whole day

369
00:18:33.674 --> 00:18:35.608
and then eating
at 11 o'clock at night.

370
00:18:35.643 --> 00:18:37.148
Worst thing you can do,

371
00:18:37.183 --> 00:18:39.513
it's so bad
for your digestive system.

372
00:18:39.548 --> 00:18:43.253
Sexually, no boundaries,
no walls,

373
00:18:43.288 --> 00:18:45.321
no "Hey, stop here,

374
00:18:45.356 --> 00:18:47.422
I actually don't really want
this to happen."

375
00:18:47.457 --> 00:18:49.820
I didn't really care,
so if it does then it does,

376
00:18:49.855 --> 00:18:51.228
if it doesn't, it doesn't.

377
00:18:51.263 --> 00:18:54.693
I... I place no value
on this body,

378
00:18:54.728 --> 00:18:57.201
so do with it what you like.

379
00:18:57.236 --> 00:19:00.534
And it's dangerous.

380
00:19:00.569 --> 00:19:03.273
It's very, very, very reckless.

381
00:19:03.308 --> 00:19:05.770
So I hate what's been done
to this body,

382
00:19:05.805 --> 00:19:08.476
but there's nowhere else
to direct it,

383
00:19:08.511 --> 00:19:09.752
so I'll do
what everyone else does

384
00:19:09.776 --> 00:19:12.282
and direct it at my body, too.

385
00:19:17.718 --> 00:19:24.459
♪

386
00:19:24.494 --> 00:19:27.231
It affected things massively.

387
00:19:27.266 --> 00:19:29.200
You know, I was causing
so much upset

388
00:19:29.235 --> 00:19:30.663
and distress to my mom and dad,

389
00:19:30.698 --> 00:19:34.568
because they were just seeing
like a boy who was in pain,

390
00:19:34.603 --> 00:19:35.877
and that's the only way
I can describe it.

391
00:19:35.901 --> 00:19:37.703
I was in a lot of pain.

392
00:19:40.675 --> 00:19:43.346
I was with a girlfriend
at the time

393
00:19:43.381 --> 00:19:47.350
and caused her a lot of angst
and upset along the way.

394
00:19:47.385 --> 00:19:49.847
♪

395
00:19:49.882 --> 00:19:50.714
People would be like,

396
00:19:50.750 --> 00:19:52.586
"Do you fancy meeting
for a coffee?"

397
00:19:52.621 --> 00:19:55.688
And I'd break out
into a cold sweat.

398
00:19:55.723 --> 00:19:57.723
Family would be like,
"Oh, let's have

399
00:19:57.758 --> 00:19:59.362
a Christmas dinner together,"

400
00:19:59.397 --> 00:20:02.530
and I'd be absolutely terrified.

401
00:20:02.565 --> 00:20:03.993
Like, what are
they gonna make me?

402
00:20:04.028 --> 00:20:06.501
Am I going to be able
to eat anything?

403
00:20:06.536 --> 00:20:08.371
Oh, it was just...

404
00:20:08.406 --> 00:20:12.672
♪

405
00:20:12.707 --> 00:20:14.245
I became a secret eater,

406
00:20:14.280 --> 00:20:17.677
because my mom often
shamed me quite openly

407
00:20:17.712 --> 00:20:19.547
when it came to food.

408
00:20:19.582 --> 00:20:22.550
There would be a comment
about the amount of rice

409
00:20:22.585 --> 00:20:23.784
that I've eaten,

410
00:20:23.820 --> 00:20:26.686
or the fact that there's not
enough salad on the plate,

411
00:20:26.721 --> 00:20:29.590
and it's just like, "Okay.

412
00:20:29.625 --> 00:20:31.262
I will eat air."

413
00:20:32.892 --> 00:20:35.332
Put some sauce on it.

414
00:20:35.367 --> 00:20:36.433
Mm, tasty.

415
00:20:36.468 --> 00:20:38.038
So people might say,
"Yeah, I didn't really see...

416
00:20:38.062 --> 00:20:39.567
Jo didn't really eat that much.

417
00:20:39.602 --> 00:20:40.777
I haven't really seen
Mojo eat."

418
00:20:40.801 --> 00:20:41.700
Yeah, because I don't
want you to,

419
00:20:41.736 --> 00:20:43.868
because in my brain,
I have to eat in silence

420
00:20:43.903 --> 00:20:45.375
or in secret.

421
00:20:45.410 --> 00:20:47.707
When everyone goes to bed
in my mom's house,

422
00:20:47.742 --> 00:20:49.841
I'd try and like...
I'd go in the kitchen,

423
00:20:49.876 --> 00:20:53.614
I'm so good at sneaking around.

424
00:20:53.649 --> 00:20:56.485
Two o'clock at night
would be when I have my dinner.

425
00:20:56.520 --> 00:20:57.915
I'll have a fake dinner at eight

426
00:20:57.950 --> 00:20:59.532
so that everyone
can see that I'm eating

427
00:20:59.556 --> 00:21:01.358
and not ask me any problems,

428
00:21:01.393 --> 00:21:05.659
but I was so afraid to eat,
I'd just do it in secret.

429
00:21:08.532 --> 00:21:16.532
♪

430
00:21:18.542 --> 00:21:19.739
I didn't want to get better,

431
00:21:19.774 --> 00:21:21.312
so I was fighting the system

432
00:21:21.347 --> 00:21:23.875
when I was receiving
outpatient treatment.

433
00:21:23.910 --> 00:21:25.943
And although
the outpatient treatment

434
00:21:25.978 --> 00:21:29.749
was trying to do its best,
it just didn't...

435
00:21:29.784 --> 00:21:33.654
It didn't get to the crux
of what was really going on.

436
00:21:33.689 --> 00:21:37.427
♪

437
00:21:37.462 --> 00:21:44.764
It has been the hardest thing
ever to deal with,

438
00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:48.097
not just for me,
but for everybody, for Hannah.

439
00:21:48.132 --> 00:21:49.934
And I try to put myself
in her shoes

440
00:21:49.969 --> 00:21:54.444
and think, you know,
when we're struggling,

441
00:21:54.479 --> 00:21:57.612
how does it feel for her
in her head?

442
00:21:57.647 --> 00:21:59.350
And you can never
really do that,

443
00:21:59.385 --> 00:22:02.551
but you can empathize

444
00:22:02.586 --> 00:22:04.553
when you couldn't understand.

445
00:22:04.588 --> 00:22:12.588
♪

446
00:22:21.572 --> 00:22:23.638
I was so under-rested,
unrecovered,

447
00:22:23.673 --> 00:22:25.376
my stress levels
were through the roof,

448
00:22:25.411 --> 00:22:27.807
and it just perpetuated
the binge cycle,

449
00:22:27.842 --> 00:22:28.953
because I would get
to the end of the week,

450
00:22:28.977 --> 00:22:30.854
my body would be like,
"What the hell are you doing?

451
00:22:30.878 --> 00:22:32.416
Put some fuel in!"

452
00:22:32.451 --> 00:22:33.978
And so, for me,
that fuel would be

453
00:22:34.013 --> 00:22:37.652
my big Domino blowout binges.

454
00:22:37.687 --> 00:22:39.951
I had in my mind that,
"I'll just keep going,

455
00:22:39.986 --> 00:22:42.558
'cause once I get through
this bit of unhappiness,

456
00:22:42.593 --> 00:22:44.087
then I'll be happy."

457
00:22:44.122 --> 00:22:46.430
And guess what? I never did.

458
00:22:46.465 --> 00:22:50.159
♪

459
00:22:50.194 --> 00:22:52.964
In the long run,
dieting may actually be

460
00:22:52.999 --> 00:22:55.835
doing the opposite effect
of what it's intended to.

461
00:22:55.870 --> 00:22:57.573
You know,
if you have a beach ball

462
00:22:57.608 --> 00:22:59.905
that's floating
on the surface of the water,

463
00:22:59.940 --> 00:23:02.578
and you go to push it under,
what's gonna happen?

464
00:23:02.613 --> 00:23:04.492
You're gonna be able to
push it down a certain amount,

465
00:23:04.516 --> 00:23:06.142
and then it's gonna
bounce back up.

466
00:23:06.177 --> 00:23:07.715
And each time you do it,

467
00:23:07.750 --> 00:23:09.717
it's gonna fly back up
in the air.

468
00:23:09.752 --> 00:23:12.423
And that's exactly what happens

469
00:23:12.458 --> 00:23:14.755
with our metabolism
when we diet.

470
00:23:14.790 --> 00:23:16.856
We double our efforts
every single time

471
00:23:16.891 --> 00:23:19.023
that the diet fails us.

472
00:23:21.467 --> 00:23:24.633
♪

473
00:23:24.668 --> 00:23:28.032
Diets are really popular
simply because society tells us

474
00:23:28.067 --> 00:23:29.836
that we need to look
a certain way,

475
00:23:29.871 --> 00:23:32.476
that we need to behave
a certain way,

476
00:23:32.511 --> 00:23:35.611
and because that pressure
from society is on all of us,

477
00:23:35.646 --> 00:23:37.679
that naturally
makes diets very popular,

478
00:23:37.714 --> 00:23:39.648
because we see
someone who's thin

479
00:23:39.683 --> 00:23:41.716
and think they're a good person.

480
00:23:41.751 --> 00:23:44.180
Obviously, therefore,
people want to be thin

481
00:23:44.215 --> 00:23:45.720
and will go on diets.

482
00:23:45.755 --> 00:23:47.920
So no, just because
dieting is popular

483
00:23:47.955 --> 00:23:50.527
doesn't mean that
it's risk-free either.

484
00:23:50.562 --> 00:23:55.125
♪

485
00:23:55.160 --> 00:23:58.667
I was quite unaware
of what I was doing.

486
00:23:58.702 --> 00:24:02.671
♪

487
00:24:02.706 --> 00:24:04.068
I had a lot going on at home.

488
00:24:04.103 --> 00:24:06.873
My dad, a couple of years
beforehand,

489
00:24:06.908 --> 00:24:08.941
had been diagnosed
with throat cancer

490
00:24:08.976 --> 00:24:10.547
and had been going
through treatment,

491
00:24:10.582 --> 00:24:12.945
and that had been
really challenging as a family.

492
00:24:12.980 --> 00:24:17.015
I was... I had braces at the time,

493
00:24:17.050 --> 00:24:18.885
I still have ginger hair,
but at the time,

494
00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:20.117
I was very conscious of it.

495
00:24:20.152 --> 00:24:21.558
I was teased
quite a lot at school

496
00:24:21.593 --> 00:24:23.098
for kind of being
a little bit overweight,

497
00:24:23.122 --> 00:24:25.859
so I think my control
over my food

498
00:24:25.894 --> 00:24:28.565
became the thing
I could control in my life.

499
00:24:28.600 --> 00:24:30.666
♪

500
00:24:32.934 --> 00:24:40.775
♪

501
00:24:40.810 --> 00:24:45.813
So for me, I was controlling
something else in my life,

502
00:24:45.848 --> 00:24:46.979
which was food and training,

503
00:24:47.014 --> 00:24:48.684
because I wasn't
actually in control

504
00:24:48.719 --> 00:24:51.214
of some emotional things
that I wasn't dealing with.

505
00:24:51.249 --> 00:24:53.051
I was a very poor communicator,

506
00:24:53.086 --> 00:24:54.888
didn't like confrontation,

507
00:24:54.923 --> 00:24:58.254
and I think the initial feelings

508
00:24:58.289 --> 00:25:01.631
stemmed from me
not feeling okay about myself.

509
00:25:01.666 --> 00:25:04.898
I was made to feel
like I wasn't good enough

510
00:25:04.933 --> 00:25:06.999
by certain people
growing up in my life

511
00:25:07.034 --> 00:25:08.902
that made me feel like that,

512
00:25:08.937 --> 00:25:11.641
and that's where
I then took the control of,

513
00:25:11.676 --> 00:25:14.644
"when I look like this,
then I'll be happy."

514
00:25:14.679 --> 00:25:22.113
♪

515
00:25:22.148 --> 00:25:26.249
♪ Small clan,
we're just a small clan ♪

516
00:25:26.284 --> 00:25:29.692
♪ We don't touch
the small clans ♪

517
00:25:29.727 --> 00:25:32.090
♪ Swindle the small clans ♪

518
00:25:32.125 --> 00:25:35.192
♪ We don't run
the small clans ♪

519
00:25:35.227 --> 00:25:37.931
♪ We're just a small clan ♪

520
00:25:37.966 --> 00:25:39.746
I've always been bullied
because of my weight

521
00:25:39.770 --> 00:25:41.066
and because of my height.

522
00:25:41.101 --> 00:25:42.573
So I've always been the biggest,

523
00:25:42.608 --> 00:25:44.608
I've always been the tallest,

524
00:25:44.643 --> 00:25:46.236
all the way throughout school.

525
00:25:46.271 --> 00:25:49.272
They were always picking on me
just because I was different.

526
00:25:49.307 --> 00:25:52.880
I went into, like,
a stage of being emo,

527
00:25:52.915 --> 00:25:55.212
so it was... you know,
colored hair,

528
00:25:55.247 --> 00:25:57.313
black hair, big swoop in front,

529
00:25:57.348 --> 00:26:00.349
listening to rock music.

530
00:26:00.384 --> 00:26:02.758
I don't know whether
it was my defense barrier

531
00:26:02.793 --> 00:26:07.257
of not really digesting it,
so to speak,

532
00:26:07.292 --> 00:26:09.292
and just letting them carry on.

533
00:26:11.230 --> 00:26:19.230
♪

534
00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:25.110
That's me
at, like, junior school.

535
00:26:25.145 --> 00:26:27.618
That's Sports Day.

536
00:26:27.653 --> 00:26:31.281
My not favorite day of the year,
you can imagine.

537
00:26:34.858 --> 00:26:37.122
By the time I left
secondary school,

538
00:26:37.157 --> 00:26:39.729
I very much was a fat person.

539
00:26:39.764 --> 00:26:43.865
I was very obviously
different to my peers,

540
00:26:43.900 --> 00:26:46.362
but I guess
that feeling of otherness,

541
00:26:46.397 --> 00:26:50.399
that sense of just feeling
different to other people

542
00:26:50.434 --> 00:26:54.271
I think sometimes, in naivety,

543
00:26:54.306 --> 00:26:57.010
it's easy to just
attribute that to your body,

544
00:26:57.045 --> 00:26:58.275
"Oh, well, I was fat.

545
00:26:58.310 --> 00:27:00.112
I was always different
because I was fat,

546
00:27:00.147 --> 00:27:02.015
I was always other
because I was fat,"

547
00:27:02.050 --> 00:27:05.788
and actually
I just felt different.

548
00:27:05.823 --> 00:27:10.760
And I had just met
my then partner, now wife,

549
00:27:10.795 --> 00:27:15.193
and I think I just...
I wanted to transform.

550
00:27:15.228 --> 00:27:18.867
I wanted to be
entirely different

551
00:27:18.902 --> 00:27:21.903
to who I'd been previously.

552
00:27:21.938 --> 00:27:25.335
Can I have a kiss?

553
00:27:25.370 --> 00:27:26.974
Yeah, that'll be nice.

554
00:27:27.009 --> 00:27:30.373
I got my lipstick
on your chin, I'm sorry.

555
00:27:30.408 --> 00:27:35.147
Quite often, eating disorders
and eating issues

556
00:27:35.182 --> 00:27:37.787
provide a kind of
framework of routine

557
00:27:37.822 --> 00:27:40.889
or certainty for us
to hang our anxieties on.

558
00:27:40.924 --> 00:27:44.926
Instead of addressing
what's happening in our lives,

559
00:27:44.961 --> 00:27:48.325
in our worlds, we try
to then go for a quick fix,

560
00:27:48.360 --> 00:27:49.504
which is, "Well,
if I can fix my body,

561
00:27:49.528 --> 00:27:52.901
then maybe that will trigger
all of these other things

562
00:27:52.936 --> 00:27:54.375
to improve in the rest
of my life,"

563
00:27:54.399 --> 00:27:57.136
but it never
really happens that way.

564
00:27:57.171 --> 00:28:05.171
♪

565
00:28:07.181 --> 00:28:09.445
I always told everyone
I was fine, you know?

566
00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:10.446
People would say,
"How are you doing?"

567
00:28:10.481 --> 00:28:11.380
"Oh, I'm fine."

568
00:28:11.416 --> 00:28:14.890
It was an immediate
sort of bat-off remark.

569
00:28:14.925 --> 00:28:17.420
I started to ask myself
a lot more questions

570
00:28:17.455 --> 00:28:19.994
and to really reflect
on what I was doing,

571
00:28:20.029 --> 00:28:21.996
because ultimately
what I was doing

572
00:28:22.031 --> 00:28:23.998
was making me very unhappy.

573
00:28:24.033 --> 00:28:30.939
♪

574
00:28:30.974 --> 00:28:32.842
I went through
a really dark depression

575
00:28:32.877 --> 00:28:35.911
and stopped eating,
which to me was a huge sign

576
00:28:35.946 --> 00:28:39.849
that my emotions had changed
as a comfort eater.

577
00:28:39.884 --> 00:28:43.347
But the fact that
I didn't eat at all,

578
00:28:43.382 --> 00:28:47.384
secret or in public, like,
that's when I said,

579
00:28:47.419 --> 00:28:49.518
"Okay, there's clearly
an issue with me

580
00:28:49.553 --> 00:28:51.289
and my eating habits
and my food,"

581
00:28:51.324 --> 00:28:52.928
but I didn't feel
like my partner

582
00:28:52.963 --> 00:28:55.458
was supportive of that at all.

583
00:28:55.493 --> 00:29:00.232
I feel like my experience of it
was keep me fat,

584
00:29:00.267 --> 00:29:02.399
keep me depressed, keep me down,

585
00:29:02.434 --> 00:29:04.368
and I would never
have stepped on her toes.

586
00:29:04.403 --> 00:29:08.306
That was how I felt
in that relationship.

587
00:29:08.341 --> 00:29:10.847
However, I did go to carnival,

588
00:29:10.882 --> 00:29:15.478
I did Notting Hill Carnival
2016 and '17.

589
00:29:18.021 --> 00:29:19.416
For me, that was a safe space.

590
00:29:19.451 --> 00:29:20.923
I mean, it's out in public,

591
00:29:20.958 --> 00:29:23.156
but it was a safe space
to explore my body

592
00:29:23.191 --> 00:29:24.960
and be free in it
because of the culture,

593
00:29:24.995 --> 00:29:26.456
because of the environment.

594
00:29:26.491 --> 00:29:28.139
It's the only place
where you can be naked

595
00:29:28.163 --> 00:29:29.029
one day of the year

596
00:29:29.064 --> 00:29:31.164
and have no one
say a thing about it.

597
00:29:31.199 --> 00:29:31.998
So the first year,

598
00:29:32.033 --> 00:29:33.342
I was actually
really disappointed

599
00:29:33.366 --> 00:29:35.234
that I wore so much clothes.

600
00:29:35.269 --> 00:29:39.810
I had a black leotard on
and very thin black tights.

601
00:29:39.845 --> 00:29:41.911
I still feel ashamed
that I wore that much.

602
00:29:41.946 --> 00:29:43.187
I think it was
way too much clothing,

603
00:29:43.211 --> 00:29:45.079
I was too covered up.

604
00:29:45.114 --> 00:29:51.217
♪

605
00:29:51.252 --> 00:29:53.351
Okay, guys, what is going on?

606
00:29:53.386 --> 00:29:55.056
Don't be angry, girl,
it's carnival!

607
00:29:55.091 --> 00:29:56.091
What's going on?

608
00:29:56.125 --> 00:29:57.960
Don't be angry, okay?

609
00:29:57.995 --> 00:29:59.896
Listen!

610
00:30:11.041 --> 00:30:13.041
I wasn't born in Britain.

611
00:30:13.076 --> 00:30:17.474
I lived in the Caribbean
from birth to about 17,

612
00:30:17.509 --> 00:30:21.577
and where I'm from,
the thicker you are,

613
00:30:21.612 --> 00:30:23.513
the more celebrated you are.

614
00:30:23.548 --> 00:30:26.989
Men don't have a problem
with your size.

615
00:30:27.024 --> 00:30:32.522
♪

616
00:30:32.557 --> 00:30:35.129
It was very difficult
to transition

617
00:30:35.164 --> 00:30:39.265
from the love I had for myself
as a 17-year-old

618
00:30:39.300 --> 00:30:40.530
coming to the UK.

619
00:30:40.565 --> 00:30:42.873
It was a bit shocking for me

620
00:30:42.908 --> 00:30:46.404
to see that women here
that I met,

621
00:30:46.439 --> 00:30:49.979
most of them, instead of
complimenting themself,

622
00:30:50.014 --> 00:30:53.312
they would always
really talk negatively

623
00:30:53.347 --> 00:30:56.216
about their bodies
and dress in a way

624
00:30:56.251 --> 00:30:59.384
that really cover up their body,

625
00:30:59.419 --> 00:31:01.518
and they don't want
to show their curves,

626
00:31:01.553 --> 00:31:05.588
and they don't want to show
their bodies at all.

627
00:31:05.623 --> 00:31:10.098
♪

628
00:31:10.133 --> 00:31:13.068
Everybody feels
a little bit uncomfortable

629
00:31:13.103 --> 00:31:15.004
with how they look,

630
00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:18.172
but with bigger women,

631
00:31:18.207 --> 00:31:21.241
we're not allowed to feel bad.

632
00:31:21.276 --> 00:31:23.573
We first must feel ashamed,

633
00:31:23.608 --> 00:31:26.411
and every feeling
that we feel about our bodies

634
00:31:26.446 --> 00:31:28.017
grows out of that.

635
00:31:28.052 --> 00:31:30.316
They are setting the tone

636
00:31:30.351 --> 00:31:33.121
for our relationships
with our bodies,

637
00:31:33.156 --> 00:31:35.684
and that alone is unhealthy,

638
00:31:35.719 --> 00:31:37.653
but what else can we do
but be caught up

639
00:31:37.688 --> 00:31:39.160
in the opinion of others

640
00:31:39.195 --> 00:31:43.296
when there are
so many negative opinions?

641
00:31:49.139 --> 00:31:51.073
Like with the trolling I get.

642
00:31:51.108 --> 00:31:54.538
It's like, "How dare you
go travel the world

643
00:31:54.573 --> 00:31:56.177
and be in these amazing places?

644
00:31:56.212 --> 00:31:57.618
Like, how dare you go
and enjoy yourself?

645
00:31:57.642 --> 00:32:01.017
How dare you be in a job
and be more successful than me?

646
00:32:01.052 --> 00:32:03.382
How dare you do
these videos for the BBC?"

647
00:32:09.555 --> 00:32:11.060
How dare you be fat

648
00:32:11.095 --> 00:32:13.689
and be succeeding
in doing these things?

649
00:32:18.465 --> 00:32:20.608
Like, believe me, I have had
to work three times as hard

650
00:32:20.632 --> 00:32:22.500
to work in the fashion industry

651
00:32:22.535 --> 00:32:26.339
and put myself in very,
very uncomfortable situations.

652
00:32:26.374 --> 00:32:28.308
Like, I haven't got it easy.

653
00:32:37.550 --> 00:32:40.551
Hello, kitten!

654
00:32:40.586 --> 00:32:43.092
What's really hard
to get across to people

655
00:32:43.127 --> 00:32:47.459
is that for 10 years,
I lived in a fat body

656
00:32:47.494 --> 00:32:49.197
and I was a wheelchair user,

657
00:32:49.232 --> 00:32:53.432
and it's the microaggressions
that you don't even realize

658
00:32:53.467 --> 00:32:55.566
that are taking place
around you.

659
00:32:55.601 --> 00:32:58.569
It's things like
not being able to access seating

660
00:32:58.604 --> 00:32:59.737
when you're in clinic,

661
00:32:59.772 --> 00:33:02.540
because the seats are so small
you can't sit on them.

662
00:33:02.575 --> 00:33:04.608
It's the really,
really little things

663
00:33:04.643 --> 00:33:07.413
like, "Oh, we haven't got gowns
that are gonna fit you.

664
00:33:07.448 --> 00:33:10.284
We'll get you three and just,
you know, put them around you,"

665
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:12.682
or, "You'll have
to wear men's pajamas,

666
00:33:12.717 --> 00:33:15.619
because we haven't got anything
big enough for you otherwise."

667
00:33:15.654 --> 00:33:18.358
It's those little things,
and they add up.

668
00:33:18.393 --> 00:33:20.723
That's how
microaggressions work.

669
00:33:20.758 --> 00:33:23.396
Just that drip constantly
that you're not good enough,

670
00:33:23.431 --> 00:33:24.694
that your body is irrelevant,

671
00:33:24.729 --> 00:33:26.366
that you're harming yourself.

672
00:33:26.401 --> 00:33:29.270
That, you know,
this is your fault.

673
00:33:29.305 --> 00:33:33.208
♪

674
00:33:33.243 --> 00:33:35.342
Probably the most
traumatic experience

675
00:33:35.377 --> 00:33:37.641
was the time that
I was in intensive care.

676
00:33:37.676 --> 00:33:41.315
I was in respiratory arrest,
so my lungs had failed,

677
00:33:41.350 --> 00:33:43.482
I wasn't able
to breathe for myself.

678
00:33:43.517 --> 00:33:45.352
I was in heart failure.

679
00:33:45.387 --> 00:33:48.487
I had sepsis, which is
an infection of your blood,

680
00:33:48.522 --> 00:33:51.292
and I remember
the nurse looking at me

681
00:33:51.327 --> 00:33:53.822
and saying, "You're doing this
to yourself."

682
00:33:53.857 --> 00:33:56.594
She started talking at me,

683
00:33:56.629 --> 00:33:59.069
because obviously,
I couldn't respond to her,

684
00:33:59.104 --> 00:34:02.567
about how I really needed
to do something about my weight

685
00:34:02.602 --> 00:34:04.272
and that if I wasn't so fat

686
00:34:04.307 --> 00:34:07.473
then my lungs wouldn't
have struggled so much.

687
00:34:07.508 --> 00:34:10.740
♪

688
00:34:10.775 --> 00:34:12.610
We have research
that actually shows

689
00:34:12.645 --> 00:34:15.679
that weight is not necessarily

690
00:34:15.714 --> 00:34:18.253
an accurate indicator of health,

691
00:34:18.288 --> 00:34:20.189
and we can't actually
tell anything

692
00:34:20.224 --> 00:34:24.688
about somebody's health
based on what they look like.

693
00:34:24.723 --> 00:34:28.461
It's really upsetting to go
to the doctor, for example,

694
00:34:28.496 --> 00:34:30.793
with a general head cold,
let's say,

695
00:34:30.828 --> 00:34:34.500
and leave after
being bombarded for 10 minutes

696
00:34:34.535 --> 00:34:35.875
about how they need
to lose weight

697
00:34:35.899 --> 00:34:37.800
and how they need
to go on a diet,

698
00:34:37.835 --> 00:34:40.605
and, you know,
it's extremely stressful,

699
00:34:40.640 --> 00:34:42.838
and that's what's known
as weight stigma.

700
00:34:42.873 --> 00:34:47.117
♪

701
00:34:47.152 --> 00:34:51.187
The stigma that's attached
to weight, my weight,

702
00:34:51.222 --> 00:34:54.619
is so real, it feels unreal.

703
00:34:54.654 --> 00:35:00.559
I can't be... I'm not allowed
to be sexy because I'm fat.

704
00:35:00.594 --> 00:35:01.493
Even though I'm fat
and you want me

705
00:35:01.529 --> 00:35:02.803
to go to the gym,
when I go to the gym,

706
00:35:02.827 --> 00:35:03.827
you look at me weird.

707
00:35:03.861 --> 00:35:05.828
That's crazy.

708
00:35:05.863 --> 00:35:09.139
I can't be happy and fat
at the same time.

709
00:35:09.174 --> 00:35:11.768
I should wear curtains
all the time,

710
00:35:11.803 --> 00:35:12.869
I should cover myself up.

711
00:35:12.904 --> 00:35:16.707
That's kind of the stigma
that I feel every day.

712
00:35:16.742 --> 00:35:18.841
I need to pee, I'm desperate,

713
00:35:18.876 --> 00:35:21.646
so I might go into a McDonald's.

714
00:35:21.681 --> 00:35:24.451
But I would rather hold my pee

715
00:35:24.486 --> 00:35:27.256
and cause myself internal pain

716
00:35:27.291 --> 00:35:29.456
than face some kind of ridicule
in McDonald's

717
00:35:29.491 --> 00:35:30.657
just 'cause I need to pee.

718
00:35:30.692 --> 00:35:34.197
I'm not here to eat a Big Mac,
burgers, chicken wings,

719
00:35:34.232 --> 00:35:35.506
Filet-O-Fish,
I don't want any of that.

720
00:35:35.530 --> 00:35:37.244
I just want to pee,
but I get really scared

721
00:35:37.268 --> 00:35:40.302
to go inside,
and it's so damaging.

722
00:35:45.738 --> 00:35:48.310
Individuals who experience
weight stigma

723
00:35:48.345 --> 00:35:51.412
and have higher rates of
internalized weight stigma,

724
00:35:51.447 --> 00:35:54.745
they experience more anxiety
and depression,

725
00:35:54.780 --> 00:35:57.880
disordered eating,
body dissatisfaction.

726
00:35:57.915 --> 00:36:01.323
And it's such a problem that
the World Health Organization

727
00:36:01.358 --> 00:36:04.326
has called it
a serious health concern.

728
00:36:08.332 --> 00:36:10.596
Shoreditch High Street Station.

729
00:36:13.304 --> 00:36:16.404
I would argue that
diet culture wouldn't exist

730
00:36:16.439 --> 00:36:17.537
without fat phobia.

731
00:36:17.572 --> 00:36:20.342
If we weren't fearful
of being fat,

732
00:36:20.377 --> 00:36:22.707
the diet industry doesn't
have a leg to stand on.

733
00:36:22.742 --> 00:36:24.280
Why would you want
to lose weight

734
00:36:24.315 --> 00:36:25.545
if there wasn't a problem

735
00:36:25.580 --> 00:36:27.217
with being fat
in the first place?

736
00:36:27.252 --> 00:36:28.911
Or it wouldn't be as profitable

737
00:36:28.946 --> 00:36:31.221
if we didn't subscribe
to that idea

738
00:36:31.256 --> 00:36:32.948
that being fat is bad

739
00:36:32.983 --> 00:36:34.851
and if we had
that fear around it,

740
00:36:34.886 --> 00:36:37.920
and I think it's important
to say that

741
00:36:37.955 --> 00:36:40.989
the diet industry is fueled
by that fear,

742
00:36:41.024 --> 00:36:42.628
and yet it doesn't work.

743
00:36:42.663 --> 00:36:45.268
We know diets
don't work long-term.

744
00:36:48.702 --> 00:36:50.372
I had a really genuine,

745
00:36:50.407 --> 00:36:51.736
"No, no, no, I don't ever want

746
00:36:51.771 --> 00:36:55.003
to have to experience that
ever again,"

747
00:36:55.038 --> 00:36:56.642
and it was a fuel,

748
00:36:56.677 --> 00:36:59.645
it was a fuel
to want to stay small

749
00:36:59.680 --> 00:37:04.287
and keep the privilege
that I was suddenly granted.

750
00:37:04.322 --> 00:37:06.487
I could move around in medicine

751
00:37:06.522 --> 00:37:08.984
without being questioned
in the same way.

752
00:37:09.019 --> 00:37:17.019
♪

753
00:37:17.896 --> 00:37:20.501
What I would say is
it took a very long time

754
00:37:20.536 --> 00:37:22.701
for the GP to take it seriously.

755
00:37:22.736 --> 00:37:25.605
It took the best part of nine,

756
00:37:25.640 --> 00:37:27.277
10 months, something like that,

757
00:37:27.312 --> 00:37:29.378
but I remember
shouting at the GP

758
00:37:29.413 --> 00:37:31.490
saying, you know, "You've just
got to do something."

759
00:37:31.514 --> 00:37:34.042
And she said, "Your daughter
needs to come in on her own."

760
00:37:34.077 --> 00:37:35.176
Well, I thought, come on...

761
00:37:35.212 --> 00:37:36.825
- And that's the problem.
- Completely illogical.

762
00:37:36.849 --> 00:37:37.960
She can't come in on her own.

763
00:37:37.984 --> 00:37:40.752
That's the problem
with the way the system works

764
00:37:40.787 --> 00:37:43.557
is that I may have lost weight,

765
00:37:43.592 --> 00:37:45.988
but I wasn't at a critical BMI

766
00:37:46.023 --> 00:37:50.960
for the GP to take it
seriously enough.

767
00:37:50.995 --> 00:37:56.372
We've had BMI become
the dominant indicator

768
00:37:56.407 --> 00:37:59.067
through which
someone's health is assessed.

769
00:37:59.102 --> 00:38:01.674
BMI was originally designed
as a tool

770
00:38:01.709 --> 00:38:05.579
to broadly be applied
at the population level.

771
00:38:05.614 --> 00:38:08.615
It was never intended
that it would be used

772
00:38:08.650 --> 00:38:11.750
to diagnose an individual.

773
00:38:12.918 --> 00:38:15.358
It really did...

774
00:38:15.393 --> 00:38:17.525
So the longer it took
to get treatment,

775
00:38:17.560 --> 00:38:19.428
the worse
the eating disorder got

776
00:38:19.463 --> 00:38:21.826
and the further
down the slope I fell,

777
00:38:21.861 --> 00:38:24.059
and I think... I obviously
didn't see it at the time.

778
00:38:24.094 --> 00:38:26.699
At the time, I was quite happy
to not go to the GP

779
00:38:26.734 --> 00:38:28.965
and didn't want any help.

780
00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:37.000
♪

781
00:38:37.778 --> 00:38:41.978
♪ All I want is nothing more ♪

782
00:38:42.013 --> 00:38:45.113
♪

783
00:38:45.148 --> 00:38:49.392
♪ To see you knocking
on my door ♪

784
00:38:49.427 --> 00:38:57.427
♪

785
00:38:58.161 --> 00:39:01.899
But when I came from Berlin,

786
00:39:01.934 --> 00:39:03.868
one of the main differences is

787
00:39:03.903 --> 00:39:06.508
there's fast food everywhere,

788
00:39:06.543 --> 00:39:09.643
much more emphasized
than it is in Berlin,

789
00:39:09.678 --> 00:39:12.140
lots of little places,
pizza places.

790
00:39:12.175 --> 00:39:14.450
That's one thing
we don't have in Germany,

791
00:39:14.485 --> 00:39:18.113
or not a lot,
is the traditional pizza,

792
00:39:18.148 --> 00:39:22.425
the thick one that gets you
addicted really quickly.

793
00:39:22.460 --> 00:39:25.461
And also, there's
a couple of restaurants

794
00:39:25.496 --> 00:39:29.531
that are basically takeout only,
which is interesting.

795
00:39:29.566 --> 00:39:30.994
So what I think it is

796
00:39:31.029 --> 00:39:33.634
is that people enjoy
having the food

797
00:39:33.669 --> 00:39:35.163
in the comfort
of their own home,

798
00:39:35.198 --> 00:39:38.936
but they don't want to cook.

799
00:39:38.971 --> 00:39:42.478
But it is certainly something
that struck me as odd.

800
00:39:47.683 --> 00:39:50.453
Here in the UK,
I work in the night shift,

801
00:39:50.488 --> 00:39:53.423
so I come home
around 6:30 in the morning

802
00:39:53.458 --> 00:39:55.656
and I will have had lunch
at midnight,

803
00:39:55.691 --> 00:39:57.493
so usually I'm very hungry,

804
00:39:57.528 --> 00:39:59.088
but I'm also very tired.

805
00:39:59.123 --> 00:40:00.925
So when I have a big meal,

806
00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:02.861
which other people
consider breakfast

807
00:40:02.896 --> 00:40:05.061
for me is dinner,

808
00:40:05.096 --> 00:40:08.801
that will then be
right before I go to bed.

809
00:40:08.836 --> 00:40:13.069
From what I've read
and what we think,

810
00:40:13.104 --> 00:40:14.906
that then goes
straight onto your hips

811
00:40:14.941 --> 00:40:17.645
and is very, very unhealthy.

812
00:40:25.182 --> 00:40:26.081
I have people being like,

813
00:40:26.117 --> 00:40:28.183
"Oh, you need
to stop eating junk food,"

814
00:40:28.218 --> 00:40:31.120
and it was like
a couple of remarks

815
00:40:31.155 --> 00:40:33.056
on videos I've made prior.

816
00:40:38.129 --> 00:40:40.635
Like, you're not paying for me.

817
00:40:40.670 --> 00:40:42.802
Like, if you're taking me out
and you're paying

818
00:40:42.837 --> 00:40:44.133
and I'm ordering a bit too much

819
00:40:44.168 --> 00:40:45.244
and the bill's
getting a bit much,

820
00:40:45.268 --> 00:40:46.367
yeah, say something,

821
00:40:46.403 --> 00:40:51.844
but if it's my hard-earned cash
that I'm spending,

822
00:40:51.879 --> 00:40:53.153
it's got nothing to do with you.

823
00:40:53.177 --> 00:40:56.882
I mean, it's got nothing
to do with you anyway.

824
00:40:56.917 --> 00:41:00.083
When I see an overweight person

825
00:41:00.118 --> 00:41:02.151
eating cake or a burger

826
00:41:02.186 --> 00:41:04.725
or something
considered unhealthy,

827
00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:07.794
immediately
the judgmental part kicks in.

828
00:41:07.829 --> 00:41:09.664
You say, "Oh, they shouldn't
be eating this."

829
00:41:09.699 --> 00:41:11.633
Or, you know,
"Oh, where this is going,

830
00:41:11.668 --> 00:41:13.899
it's going to be
in good company."

831
00:41:13.934 --> 00:41:15.802
But then you also think,

832
00:41:15.837 --> 00:41:17.672
"Is this one burger,
is this one cake

833
00:41:17.707 --> 00:41:18.937
going to make a difference?"

834
00:41:18.972 --> 00:41:21.038
Where they are now,
where they're going,

835
00:41:21.073 --> 00:41:24.107
had they maybe had
a diet behind them,

836
00:41:24.142 --> 00:41:26.142
now they're rewarding themself
with this.

837
00:41:26.177 --> 00:41:33.919
♪

838
00:41:33.954 --> 00:41:35.855
I remember being
in a coffee shop once,

839
00:41:35.890 --> 00:41:38.154
and it was the first time I knew

840
00:41:38.189 --> 00:41:41.058
that I was receiving
thin privilege.

841
00:41:41.093 --> 00:41:44.127
And I was nowhere near
as small as I am now,

842
00:41:44.162 --> 00:41:48.538
but I was just heading into
that really restrictive phase,

843
00:41:48.573 --> 00:41:50.738
and the man behind the till

844
00:41:50.773 --> 00:41:52.971
said, "Do you want any cakes
with your coffee?"

845
00:41:53.006 --> 00:41:55.776
And I was like, "Oh, no,
I don't think we do, thank you."

846
00:41:55.811 --> 00:41:57.646
And he just said,
"You'd be amazed

847
00:41:57.681 --> 00:42:00.946
how many people have
these really sugary drinks

848
00:42:00.981 --> 00:42:03.586
and then massive slices
of cake,"

849
00:42:03.621 --> 00:42:06.655
and I was like, "Oh, um, yeah,

850
00:42:06.690 --> 00:42:08.723
I mean, I guess
if they want cake..."

851
00:42:08.758 --> 00:42:10.626
"Oh, yeah, but you should see
these people.

852
00:42:10.661 --> 00:42:12.232
I mean, I'm not talking
about people like you,

853
00:42:12.256 --> 00:42:14.795
you obviously
look after yourself,

854
00:42:14.830 --> 00:42:16.291
but you should see these..."

855
00:42:16.326 --> 00:42:18.326
And I just thought,
"Oh, my goodness,

856
00:42:18.361 --> 00:42:21.736
probably less
than six months previous,

857
00:42:21.771 --> 00:42:25.707
he would've had me down
as one of those people."

858
00:42:25.742 --> 00:42:28.270
Regardless of whether
I'd eaten the cake or not,

859
00:42:28.305 --> 00:42:31.581
he would've been making
those judgments about me.

860
00:42:34.113 --> 00:42:37.015
Thin privilege is something
I've enjoyed for a long time.

861
00:42:37.050 --> 00:42:40.150
Being tall and slim
gives me immediate authority,

862
00:42:40.185 --> 00:42:43.725
because people have
to physically look up to me,

863
00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:47.861
which lessens the effect
that I need to explain myself.

864
00:42:47.896 --> 00:42:49.896
People don't question what I do.

865
00:42:49.931 --> 00:42:54.329
People trust me,
for some reason.

866
00:42:54.364 --> 00:42:57.134
And people immediately
assume authority

867
00:42:57.169 --> 00:42:58.068
coming from me,

868
00:42:58.104 --> 00:42:59.972
because I literally
speak down to them.

869
00:43:00.007 --> 00:43:02.337
Not because of the way I speak,

870
00:43:02.372 --> 00:43:04.944
just because they're a head
smaller than me.

871
00:43:07.751 --> 00:43:10.114
The thing that I find
really frustrating now

872
00:43:10.149 --> 00:43:12.248
is that people say to me
all the time,

873
00:43:12.283 --> 00:43:14.019
"You look really well."

874
00:43:14.054 --> 00:43:16.351
When I've got my clothes on,
I look like a nondisabled,

875
00:43:16.386 --> 00:43:18.991
cisgendered white woman
who is thin,

876
00:43:19.026 --> 00:43:20.993
and I receive
a lot of privilege,

877
00:43:21.028 --> 00:43:22.896
but actually my body
is very different

878
00:43:22.931 --> 00:43:24.733
to a lot of people's,
and I'm like,

879
00:43:24.768 --> 00:43:27.296
you should physically
have to live in my body,

880
00:43:27.331 --> 00:43:31.036
because I feel ill all the time,

881
00:43:31.071 --> 00:43:33.104
and my blood results
are terrible,

882
00:43:33.139 --> 00:43:34.809
and I'm horribly anemic,

883
00:43:34.844 --> 00:43:37.779
and there's absolutely nothing
I can do about any of it.

884
00:43:37.814 --> 00:43:41.277
And you think I look well
because I've put some makeup on

885
00:43:41.312 --> 00:43:43.147
and because I'm thin?

886
00:43:48.957 --> 00:43:50.121
It's become something

887
00:43:50.156 --> 00:43:52.189
that has become
a bit of an identity.

888
00:43:52.224 --> 00:43:54.961
And so our weight
has become our identity,

889
00:43:54.996 --> 00:43:56.897
and so we're less good
of a person

890
00:43:56.932 --> 00:43:58.360
if we're not thin.

891
00:43:58.395 --> 00:44:00.835
We deserve less,
we have less self-esteem.

892
00:44:00.870 --> 00:44:02.397
All these things
are well-documented

893
00:44:02.432 --> 00:44:05.268
as to the thought processes
that occur

894
00:44:05.303 --> 00:44:08.238
because of this thin ideal.

895
00:44:10.781 --> 00:44:13.914
The next train to arrive
at Platform 2

896
00:44:13.949 --> 00:44:18.688
in two minutes will be
service to all stations...

897
00:44:18.723 --> 00:44:22.890
And again, I'm like,
I'm so scared to go into KFC,

898
00:44:22.925 --> 00:44:24.727
because in my head,
they must be thinking,

899
00:44:24.762 --> 00:44:27.158
"Oh, fatty's here again.

900
00:44:27.193 --> 00:44:29.226
All the chicken wings
are gone, lads."

901
00:44:29.261 --> 00:44:31.360
That's what I feel.

902
00:44:31.395 --> 00:44:34.099
I am now believing
that my body is ugly

903
00:44:34.134 --> 00:44:35.837
and abusing it with food,

904
00:44:35.872 --> 00:44:40.204
so that's where health
should be spoken about.

905
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:41.105
Not, "Oh, you're fat,

906
00:44:41.140 --> 00:44:43.372
you're gonna die
of a heart attack."

907
00:44:43.407 --> 00:44:48.080
How did we get here?

908
00:44:48.115 --> 00:44:49.851
I think a lot of people
think that

909
00:44:49.886 --> 00:44:51.820
anti-fat bias
just has to do with thinking

910
00:44:51.855 --> 00:44:53.965
that fat people aren't pretty
or something like that.

911
00:44:53.989 --> 00:44:54.821
And sure, I mean,

912
00:44:54.857 --> 00:44:56.891
the attractiveness standard
is real,

913
00:44:56.926 --> 00:45:01.126
but anti-fat bias extends
to so many sectors of life:

914
00:45:01.161 --> 00:45:03.865
education, college admissions,

915
00:45:03.900 --> 00:45:06.461
the amount of scholarship funds
that students are given.

916
00:45:06.496 --> 00:45:09.871
In the justice system,
there's research that shows

917
00:45:09.906 --> 00:45:12.434
that jurors are far more likely
to convict somebody

918
00:45:12.469 --> 00:45:15.910
who is of a larger body
than a thin person,

919
00:45:15.945 --> 00:45:18.407
and they're also subject
to harsher sentences

920
00:45:18.442 --> 00:45:20.211
and longer prison times,

921
00:45:20.246 --> 00:45:23.214
which is really wild
when you think about it.

922
00:45:23.249 --> 00:45:24.853
It's much more than just,

923
00:45:24.888 --> 00:45:26.789
"I don't like the way
that person looks."

924
00:45:26.824 --> 00:45:29.759
It really affects
all areas of life.

925
00:45:50.540 --> 00:45:53.145
Growing up, I...

926
00:45:53.180 --> 00:45:55.378
It was always made
very clear to me

927
00:45:55.413 --> 00:45:57.787
that I stood out,

928
00:45:57.822 --> 00:46:01.153
and my weight could
potentially be a problem

929
00:46:01.188 --> 00:46:03.155
getting a boyfriend.

930
00:46:03.190 --> 00:46:06.323
My mom made it very clear
that being overweight,

931
00:46:06.358 --> 00:46:09.194
I was never gonna
get a boyfriend.

932
00:46:09.229 --> 00:46:11.361
I've been crushing on guys
for a long time,

933
00:46:11.396 --> 00:46:13.132
and I never experienced, like,

934
00:46:13.167 --> 00:46:16.399
my boyfriends that I had
in Dominican.

935
00:46:16.434 --> 00:46:17.807
Weight what?

936
00:46:17.842 --> 00:46:19.534
Weight wasn't an issue.

937
00:46:22.110 --> 00:46:27.982
♪

938
00:46:28.017 --> 00:46:31.953
But here... oh, my God,

939
00:46:31.988 --> 00:46:33.482
they do come into
the relationship

940
00:46:33.517 --> 00:46:36.089
like, "Yeah, I love all of you,"

941
00:46:36.124 --> 00:46:39.092
and I'm like, "Yeah,
and that's how it should be,"

942
00:46:39.127 --> 00:46:41.930
but some people genuinely
they can't help it,

943
00:46:41.965 --> 00:46:43.426
that's just their personality.

944
00:46:43.461 --> 00:46:45.065
They've been conditioned
by society,

945
00:46:45.100 --> 00:46:47.969
and they do have subaggressions,

946
00:46:48.004 --> 00:46:51.467
you know, towards fat bodies
and have fat phobia

947
00:46:51.502 --> 00:46:54.602
without actually saying
that they have fat phobia.

948
00:46:54.637 --> 00:46:58.177
And if you get into
a little argument,

949
00:46:58.212 --> 00:47:01.576
guess what, if the argument
probably is about your car,

950
00:47:01.611 --> 00:47:04.315
guess what, it might
come into your weight.

951
00:47:04.350 --> 00:47:06.020
Why? Tell me why.

952
00:47:06.055 --> 00:47:07.055
Tell me why.

953
00:47:09.652 --> 00:47:15.491
I think dating in 2019,

954
00:47:15.526 --> 00:47:17.097
it's shit for everyone.

955
00:47:17.132 --> 00:47:19.033
Like, I'm not even gonna
put it on my weight,

956
00:47:19.068 --> 00:47:20.870
'cause the thing is,
it's not that I don't

957
00:47:20.905 --> 00:47:23.631
get a lot of attention, I do...

958
00:47:23.666 --> 00:47:25.204
I mean, I live in London

959
00:47:25.239 --> 00:47:27.305
where nobody speaks
to one another,

960
00:47:27.340 --> 00:47:29.406
so it's all on the internet.

961
00:47:29.441 --> 00:47:33.080
And the thing is,
you do get guys who are there,

962
00:47:33.115 --> 00:47:36.182
and they wouldn't want
to take you out,

963
00:47:36.217 --> 00:47:39.383
but they wanna come over
for Netflix and chill,

964
00:47:39.418 --> 00:47:42.485
and always come to mine,
and just like,

965
00:47:42.520 --> 00:47:44.553
I watch too many
true crime documentaries

966
00:47:44.588 --> 00:47:47.391
to know that
this is not gonna happen.

967
00:47:54.939 --> 00:47:57.566
We fetishize
this whole snap-back thing

968
00:47:57.601 --> 00:47:59.337
after having a kid,

969
00:47:59.372 --> 00:48:02.571
but most women don't,
and it really, really bugs me.

970
00:48:02.606 --> 00:48:05.607
Again, it's another thing
that I've sort of attached

971
00:48:05.642 --> 00:48:07.048
to having a child.

972
00:48:07.083 --> 00:48:08.214
I'm scared to have a child,

973
00:48:08.249 --> 00:48:11.052
because I'm scared that...

974
00:48:11.087 --> 00:48:12.559
There's not...
I don't know exactly what

975
00:48:12.583 --> 00:48:14.616
I'm gonna snap back to!

976
00:48:14.651 --> 00:48:17.025
Nothing snaps that much anyway,

977
00:48:17.060 --> 00:48:20.292
so how, if I have a child...

978
00:48:20.327 --> 00:48:22.063
Will I still be pretty?

979
00:48:22.098 --> 00:48:25.330
Will I be ugly? I don't know!

980
00:48:29.666 --> 00:48:32.238
I think every time
I look in the mirror,

981
00:48:32.273 --> 00:48:33.679
I'm glad someone else
puts more effort

982
00:48:33.703 --> 00:48:35.373
into looking good than I do.

983
00:48:35.408 --> 00:48:36.485
Coming from
the male perspective,

984
00:48:36.509 --> 00:48:40.213
we consider women to be
the more beautiful gender.

985
00:48:40.248 --> 00:48:42.215
So we appreciate that.

986
00:48:42.250 --> 00:48:45.053
But I would never force a woman

987
00:48:45.088 --> 00:48:48.320
to dress a certain way,
to eat a certain way

988
00:48:48.355 --> 00:48:51.455
to make her look different.

989
00:48:51.490 --> 00:48:55.360
It is something that is
ingrained into our culture

990
00:48:55.395 --> 00:48:58.396
is that women need to look good.

991
00:48:58.431 --> 00:49:02.136
They need to wear makeup,
they need to do their hair.

992
00:49:04.569 --> 00:49:06.041
Do they need to do that?

993
00:49:06.076 --> 00:49:08.208
No, they do not need to do that.

994
00:49:08.243 --> 00:49:11.310
But it is much appreciated.

995
00:49:11.345 --> 00:49:12.652
The woman out there
that's been rated

996
00:49:12.676 --> 00:49:14.412
the ugliest person in the world,

997
00:49:14.447 --> 00:49:18.416
who the fuck told the people
doing the judging and assessing

998
00:49:18.451 --> 00:49:20.451
that they were beautiful
in the first place?

999
00:49:20.486 --> 00:49:22.453
Media!

1000
00:49:22.488 --> 00:49:25.489
That's why we...
We need to defriend

1001
00:49:25.524 --> 00:49:29.592
some of these Caucasian
British men.

1002
00:49:29.627 --> 00:49:31.462
British, to be exact,

1003
00:49:31.497 --> 00:49:35.103
because they started
all the problems.

1004
00:49:40.473 --> 00:49:42.605
Diet culture does
disproportionately affect women

1005
00:49:42.640 --> 00:49:45.377
more than men,
and there is an element

1006
00:49:45.412 --> 00:49:49.183
to diet culture coming
from a patriarchal society

1007
00:49:49.218 --> 00:49:52.219
where women are told
what they should look like.

1008
00:49:52.254 --> 00:49:54.782
And a lot of the time,
that has been from men.

1009
00:49:54.817 --> 00:49:56.619
And so I think
it's very appropriate

1010
00:49:56.654 --> 00:49:59.787
that feminism in general
touches on diet culture

1011
00:49:59.822 --> 00:50:02.229
and definitely has a role
to play in combating it.

1012
00:50:02.264 --> 00:50:04.462
♪

1013
00:50:04.497 --> 00:50:07.498
Evidence shows
that we can go back 30 years

1014
00:50:07.533 --> 00:50:10.699
and women experiencing
body image concern

1015
00:50:10.734 --> 00:50:12.239
is quite common,

1016
00:50:12.274 --> 00:50:13.548
so much so that in the research,

1017
00:50:13.572 --> 00:50:15.110
we talk about it as normative

1018
00:50:15.145 --> 00:50:17.673
and we say
"normative discontent,"

1019
00:50:17.708 --> 00:50:21.545
but I think just because
something is normal or common,

1020
00:50:21.580 --> 00:50:22.746
it doesn't mean it's okay.

1021
00:50:22.781 --> 00:50:26.088
It doesn't mean it's benign
and without consequence.

1022
00:50:26.123 --> 00:50:29.223
And we live in a society
where beauty standards

1023
00:50:29.258 --> 00:50:30.818
are so narrow,
and for most people,

1024
00:50:30.853 --> 00:50:32.622
completely unattainable.

1025
00:50:32.657 --> 00:50:35.757
♪

1026
00:50:35.792 --> 00:50:38.133
Isn't it interesting, though,
how it's always women

1027
00:50:38.168 --> 00:50:40.399
talking about feeling bloated
and not men?

1028
00:50:40.434 --> 00:50:42.467
My top tips
to reduce bloating...

1029
00:50:42.502 --> 00:50:46.603
To help reduce bloating
and reduce your belly bloating,

1030
00:50:46.638 --> 00:50:49.144
it almost immediately
causes bloating...

1031
00:50:49.179 --> 00:50:51.311
Seven tips on how to debloat.

1032
00:50:51.346 --> 00:50:53.214
Bloat's still there!

1033
00:50:53.249 --> 00:50:55.843
- It's poking out.
- Adding our flat tummy teas...

1034
00:50:55.878 --> 00:50:57.581
Hasta la vista, bloating!

1035
00:50:57.616 --> 00:50:58.747
Good luck.

1036
00:50:58.782 --> 00:51:00.815
Men have a different way
of seeing it.

1037
00:51:00.850 --> 00:51:03.455
If men are bloated,
they make fun of it.

1038
00:51:03.490 --> 00:51:05.787
It becomes a party game
for them.

1039
00:51:05.822 --> 00:51:08.526
Whereas, when women are bloated,
they feel embarrassed.

1040
00:51:08.561 --> 00:51:10.462
But, since I cannot think
like a woman,

1041
00:51:10.497 --> 00:51:12.761
that's a very difficult
question to answer.

1042
00:51:12.796 --> 00:51:15.203
Everything that is
marketed towards women

1043
00:51:15.238 --> 00:51:16.435
which is anti-bloating,

1044
00:51:16.470 --> 00:51:17.733
it's really just telling women

1045
00:51:17.768 --> 00:51:19.174
that they should be eating less,

1046
00:51:19.209 --> 00:51:20.252
that they need to be hungry,

1047
00:51:20.276 --> 00:51:22.342
that they need to be starving

1048
00:51:22.377 --> 00:51:25.114
in order to embody
this aesthetic ideal.

1049
00:51:25.149 --> 00:51:26.313
♪

1050
00:51:26.348 --> 00:51:28.282
From a marketing perspective,

1051
00:51:28.317 --> 00:51:30.779
of course they go
with what works,

1052
00:51:30.814 --> 00:51:34.123
what has worked in the past,
what is still working.

1053
00:51:34.158 --> 00:51:35.421
So if you have that market

1054
00:51:35.456 --> 00:51:37.654
and you tap that market
and it works,

1055
00:51:37.689 --> 00:51:39.293
why should you stop?

1056
00:51:39.328 --> 00:51:44.628
♪

1057
00:51:44.663 --> 00:51:48.500
Where does this idea come from
that it's a male conspiracy,

1058
00:51:48.535 --> 00:51:53.208
that it's a male idea
to keep women in their place,

1059
00:51:53.243 --> 00:51:55.573
have them take up less space?

1060
00:51:55.608 --> 00:51:58.510
♪

1061
00:51:58.545 --> 00:51:59.808
Like, really genuinely,

1062
00:51:59.843 --> 00:52:02.415
I think it started
with capitalism.

1063
00:52:02.450 --> 00:52:03.746
I think people recognized

1064
00:52:03.781 --> 00:52:05.649
that there was a way
to make money

1065
00:52:05.684 --> 00:52:07.354
out of people
who didn't feel great

1066
00:52:07.389 --> 00:52:08.817
about themselves.

1067
00:52:08.852 --> 00:52:11.655
It started with
middle class white men

1068
00:52:11.690 --> 00:52:14.625
who recognized that
there was a market

1069
00:52:14.660 --> 00:52:18.365
and a profoundly successful one,

1070
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:21.797
the diet industry
makes billions every year

1071
00:52:21.832 --> 00:52:25.603
on women feeling insignificant

1072
00:52:25.638 --> 00:52:27.242
and like they need
to do something

1073
00:52:27.277 --> 00:52:29.574
in order to make themselves
better.

1074
00:52:29.609 --> 00:52:32.676
♪

1075
00:52:32.711 --> 00:52:37.450
It's easy to blame
some unknown entity

1076
00:52:37.485 --> 00:52:40.387
and put the face
of a white man on it.

1077
00:52:40.422 --> 00:52:42.653
Everyone loves targeting us.

1078
00:52:42.688 --> 00:52:46.657
But there is
no actual proof of that.

1079
00:52:46.692 --> 00:52:50.694
There is no board of white men
sitting on top of the world

1080
00:52:50.729 --> 00:52:53.433
saying, "Oh, we need
to have these things."

1081
00:52:53.468 --> 00:52:56.436
I'm certainly not a part of it,
and I'm not aware of it,

1082
00:52:56.471 --> 00:52:58.834
so I don't know if that is true.

1083
00:52:58.869 --> 00:53:01.573
The issue is that
it runs deeper than that,

1084
00:53:01.608 --> 00:53:03.740
and it's not just something
about specific words,

1085
00:53:03.775 --> 00:53:05.478
it's actions as well.

1086
00:53:05.513 --> 00:53:08.943
And so, when you have a society
that values women's looks

1087
00:53:08.978 --> 00:53:10.681
based on a certain ideal,

1088
00:53:10.716 --> 00:53:13.750
men then start
valuing those looks as well,

1089
00:53:13.785 --> 00:53:18.425
and so women who look that way
get more attention from men.

1090
00:53:18.460 --> 00:53:21.791
I'm not here to say
that it's current men's fault

1091
00:53:21.826 --> 00:53:24.464
that that's going on,
but I think that as men,

1092
00:53:24.499 --> 00:53:27.632
we need to recognize
where it's come from.

1093
00:53:27.667 --> 00:53:32.274
And I don't think
that we have to disregard it

1094
00:53:32.309 --> 00:53:33.704
to kind of protect ourselves,

1095
00:53:33.739 --> 00:53:36.839
and I do see a lot of men,
unfortunately, using the phrase,

1096
00:53:36.874 --> 00:53:37.973
"Well, it's not me,

1097
00:53:38.009 --> 00:53:40.513
so therefore why do I need
to be worried about that?"

1098
00:53:40.548 --> 00:53:42.845
Or, "It's not all men,"
and that's...

1099
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:44.451
I don't think that's helpful.

1100
00:53:49.425 --> 00:53:51.260
I remember that situation

1101
00:53:51.295 --> 00:53:53.526
where, in that
particular relationship,

1102
00:53:53.561 --> 00:53:55.660
they were now concerned
about my health

1103
00:53:55.695 --> 00:53:57.596
after we were dating
for a while,

1104
00:53:57.631 --> 00:54:01.369
because they did something
that I didn't like.

1105
00:54:01.404 --> 00:54:05.274
And one time we were driving
from seeing their stepfather,

1106
00:54:05.309 --> 00:54:06.968
parked outside my house,

1107
00:54:07.003 --> 00:54:10.279
and they commented
on the meal that I had

1108
00:54:10.314 --> 00:54:13.282
throughout the days
like they were supervising me.

1109
00:54:13.317 --> 00:54:15.042
They were my weight watchers.

1110
00:54:18.883 --> 00:54:21.917
And they said,
"Oh, this you had,

1111
00:54:21.952 --> 00:54:24.425
the plantain da-da-da
that you had.

1112
00:54:24.460 --> 00:54:25.526
It was quite sweet,

1113
00:54:25.561 --> 00:54:28.462
and I think you should
really think about what you eat

1114
00:54:28.497 --> 00:54:30.607
because you know, I'm just
concerned about your health."

1115
00:54:30.631 --> 00:54:32.796
I'm like, "You're concerned
about my health?

1116
00:54:32.831 --> 00:54:33.896
Get lost."

1117
00:54:33.931 --> 00:54:36.503
And then I realized
that, obviously,

1118
00:54:36.538 --> 00:54:39.704
someone who's always
concerned about my health

1119
00:54:39.739 --> 00:54:42.443
is not really concerned
about my health.

1120
00:54:42.478 --> 00:54:48.350
♪

1121
00:54:48.385 --> 00:54:50.880
If you had to ask
the general public,

1122
00:54:50.915 --> 00:54:55.489
um, "obesity" or "anorexia,"

1123
00:54:55.524 --> 00:54:58.492
guarantee that most of them
would choose anorexia,

1124
00:54:58.527 --> 00:55:01.330
majority, which is sad.

1125
00:55:01.365 --> 00:55:04.025
It's very heartbreaking
because that is how...

1126
00:55:04.060 --> 00:55:06.533
That's how heavy,
ha, excuse the pun,

1127
00:55:06.568 --> 00:55:09.668
um, the stigma is.

1128
00:55:09.703 --> 00:55:12.066
That is how heavy...

1129
00:55:12.101 --> 00:55:14.409
I make myself laugh.

1130
00:55:14.444 --> 00:55:16.477
That's how... that's
how intense the stigma is,

1131
00:55:16.512 --> 00:55:19.876
and that is a shame
because it should be 50/50,

1132
00:55:19.911 --> 00:55:22.747
because to some degree
both are unhealthy,

1133
00:55:22.782 --> 00:55:24.452
both have health risks.

1134
00:55:28.392 --> 00:55:32.724
I think diet culture
is so present in our society,

1135
00:55:32.759 --> 00:55:34.495
though, that it's hard
to realize,

1136
00:55:34.530 --> 00:55:37.564
like, the fact
that we have calorie labels

1137
00:55:37.599 --> 00:55:39.467
on every single snack bar.

1138
00:55:39.502 --> 00:55:42.503
That in a way is... it's kind of
hindering to diet culture

1139
00:55:42.538 --> 00:55:44.142
because it's telling you
you can have this snack

1140
00:55:44.166 --> 00:55:45.671
because it's
a low-calorie snack,

1141
00:55:45.706 --> 00:55:49.444
or the fact that shops
are selling clothes size

1142
00:55:49.479 --> 00:55:51.006
that are all really quite small

1143
00:55:51.041 --> 00:55:52.843
and don't really cater
for larger bodies.

1144
00:55:52.878 --> 00:55:56.715
That, again, I feel, is
kind of part of diet culture.

1145
00:55:56.750 --> 00:55:57.925
It's something
that, as a society,

1146
00:55:57.949 --> 00:55:59.025
we really need to think about

1147
00:55:59.049 --> 00:56:00.215
because if we're not careful,

1148
00:56:00.250 --> 00:56:04.393
we are just going to end up
promoting disordered eating

1149
00:56:04.428 --> 00:56:06.054
or body dissatisfaction

1150
00:56:06.089 --> 00:56:08.562
because people are gonna feel
more and more unhappy

1151
00:56:08.597 --> 00:56:11.961
if society is making them
feel that way.

1152
00:56:11.996 --> 00:56:19.996
♪

1153
00:56:26.846 --> 00:56:29.176
As soon as I saw the mannequin,

1154
00:56:29.211 --> 00:56:32.179
I just thought
it was like a breakthrough.

1155
00:56:32.214 --> 00:56:35.523
Maybe I was a bit naive
in thinking

1156
00:56:35.558 --> 00:56:38.955
if a brand like Nike,
with the reputation

1157
00:56:38.990 --> 00:56:41.760
and the name they have globally,

1158
00:56:41.795 --> 00:56:45.698
if they invested
and put in a bigger model

1159
00:56:45.733 --> 00:56:49.504
that actually looks like
a fat body,

1160
00:56:49.539 --> 00:56:51.968
to sort of be proud and say,

1161
00:56:52.003 --> 00:56:55.103
"We do plus-size
athletic wear."

1162
00:56:55.138 --> 00:56:58.513
But a small part of me
was like, "Right,

1163
00:56:58.548 --> 00:57:00.174
let's just wait, let's just wait

1164
00:57:00.209 --> 00:57:03.914
because someone is gonna have
something to say about this."

1165
00:57:03.949 --> 00:57:06.213
- Nike slammed for...
- Obese mannequins...

1166
00:57:06.248 --> 00:57:08.182
- are selling women...
- a dangerous lie.

1167
00:57:08.217 --> 00:57:10.987
- Weighty issue.
- Nike snapped.

1168
00:57:11.022 --> 00:57:13.924
- Normalizing obesity...
- with plus-size mannequins...

1169
00:57:13.959 --> 00:57:15.090
in their London store.

1170
00:57:15.125 --> 00:57:16.795
The new mannequin is obese.

1171
00:57:16.830 --> 00:57:18.731
And she is not
readying herself...

1172
00:57:18.766 --> 00:57:20.733
for a run
in her shiny Nike gear.

1173
00:57:20.768 --> 00:57:22.801
She cannot run,
she is more likely...

1174
00:57:22.836 --> 00:57:25.199
prediabetic and on her way
to a hip replacement.

1175
00:57:25.234 --> 00:57:27.003
What terrible cynicism
is this...

1176
00:57:27.038 --> 00:57:29.577
on the part of Nike.

1177
00:57:29.612 --> 00:57:33.240
Everyone's just like,
"Well, I work hard to stay thin,

1178
00:57:33.275 --> 00:57:37.244
and I go to the gym,
and I have self-control,"

1179
00:57:37.279 --> 00:57:40.148
and it's just like,

1180
00:57:40.183 --> 00:57:43.217
one, what makes you think
I don't have self-control,

1181
00:57:43.252 --> 00:57:46.891
and I don't go to the gym,
and I don't work out?

1182
00:57:46.926 --> 00:57:49.597
You think that I sit on my ass
and I eat what I want,

1183
00:57:49.632 --> 00:57:50.664
I don't go to the gym,

1184
00:57:50.699 --> 00:57:52.259
and I don't work as hard as you

1185
00:57:52.294 --> 00:57:55.867
because my body
apparently told you that.

1186
00:58:00.203 --> 00:58:03.908
♪

1187
00:58:03.943 --> 00:58:06.240
The most common theme
in the fitness industry,

1188
00:58:06.275 --> 00:58:10.178
in general, is weight loss.

1189
00:58:10.213 --> 00:58:12.752
We're obsessed by it,
it's literally the only thing

1190
00:58:12.787 --> 00:58:14.116
that people work on.

1191
00:58:14.151 --> 00:58:17.526
So many guys
who hypermasculize themselves

1192
00:58:17.561 --> 00:58:20.694
and all these girls
hypersexualize themselves.

1193
00:58:20.729 --> 00:58:23.796
Everything is about
how we look seemingly

1194
00:58:23.831 --> 00:58:24.697
in today's day and age.

1195
00:58:24.732 --> 00:58:28.295
We've lose the art
of how we feel.

1196
00:58:28.330 --> 00:58:30.836
That seems so far removed
in today's day and age,

1197
00:58:30.871 --> 00:58:32.673
which is a really sad thing.

1198
00:58:32.708 --> 00:58:35.170
♪

1199
00:58:35.205 --> 00:58:38.679
I go to the gym
and I exercise and I enjoy it,

1200
00:58:38.714 --> 00:58:42.045
you know, and I still have
a fat body.

1201
00:58:42.080 --> 00:58:48.282
And until we achieve
this goal of thinness,

1202
00:58:48.317 --> 00:58:50.317
we're not gonna be
treated with respect,

1203
00:58:50.352 --> 00:58:51.923
and we're not gonna be
treated human,

1204
00:58:51.958 --> 00:58:53.892
and we're not gonna be
treated nicely,

1205
00:58:53.927 --> 00:58:55.223
and we're gonna be shamed,

1206
00:58:55.258 --> 00:58:56.807
and we're gonna be told
we're gonna die

1207
00:58:56.831 --> 00:58:58.160
unless we lose weight.

1208
00:58:58.195 --> 00:59:00.866
But you can't put
a fat mannequin.

1209
00:59:00.901 --> 00:59:05.706
You can't simply show
a fat body and promote that

1210
00:59:05.741 --> 00:59:09.039
because then you're promoting
staying fat, and it...

1211
00:59:09.074 --> 00:59:13.813
It is literally
the wildest conversation

1212
00:59:13.848 --> 00:59:17.652
I've ever, ever had
and read up on,

1213
00:59:17.687 --> 00:59:21.249
'cause it was just
the most hypocritical thing.

1214
00:59:21.284 --> 00:59:24.659
♪

1215
00:59:24.694 --> 00:59:25.935
We need to start
asking ourselves

1216
00:59:25.959 --> 00:59:27.103
some really important questions.

1217
00:59:27.127 --> 00:59:30.962
And, so, how do we view people
who are larger in size?

1218
00:59:30.997 --> 00:59:33.030
What are our beliefs
around their lifestyle?

1219
00:59:33.065 --> 00:59:35.164
For example,
what are our beliefs

1220
00:59:35.199 --> 00:59:39.366
about how they are as people
and their character?

1221
00:59:39.401 --> 00:59:41.742
I think, at the moment,
it's still

1222
00:59:41.777 --> 00:59:43.304
a topic of contention for people

1223
00:59:43.339 --> 00:59:45.273
that they're unwilling
to talk about

1224
00:59:45.308 --> 00:59:46.945
because they're afraid

1225
00:59:46.980 --> 00:59:48.353
that when they start
talking about it,

1226
00:59:48.377 --> 00:59:49.959
it's gonna challenge
some of the ideals

1227
00:59:49.983 --> 00:59:51.246
and the beliefs that they have.

1228
00:59:51.281 --> 00:59:52.951
And we don't like our ideals

1229
00:59:52.986 --> 00:59:54.293
and our beliefs
being challenged.

1230
00:59:54.317 --> 00:59:56.185
It's not something we like.

1231
00:59:56.220 --> 00:59:57.824
It's hard.

1232
00:59:57.859 --> 00:59:59.694
It goes back to
that willingness to be wrong.

1233
00:59:59.729 --> 01:00:01.663
We don't like being wrong.

1234
01:00:01.698 --> 01:00:03.962
And that's okay, that's
kind of normal psychology.

1235
01:00:03.997 --> 01:00:06.767
We like to be right about stuff.

1236
01:00:06.802 --> 01:00:14.802
♪

1237
01:00:16.438 --> 01:00:18.680
Please, can I get the cupcake
with the strawberry,

1238
01:00:18.715 --> 01:00:21.342
- the strawberry one?
- Yes.

1239
01:00:21.377 --> 01:00:24.950
I'm able to analyze
my relationship with food

1240
01:00:24.985 --> 01:00:26.853
and say, "Oh, okay,
well, it's okay

1241
01:00:26.888 --> 01:00:29.691
if you want to eat this,
but why are you eating?

1242
01:00:29.726 --> 01:00:30.967
Why are you being
so excessive?"

1243
01:00:30.991 --> 01:00:32.694
I caught myself.

1244
01:00:32.729 --> 01:00:34.674
I think I'd been stressing
about something on the train.

1245
01:00:34.698 --> 01:00:37.391
I called my friend to speak
to her about the stress,

1246
01:00:37.426 --> 01:00:38.733
and I went to Tesco

1247
01:00:38.768 --> 01:00:40.427
and all I wanted to buy
was snacks.

1248
01:00:40.462 --> 01:00:44.200
So I said, "Oh, okay, so this
is where we just sort of...

1249
01:00:44.235 --> 01:00:46.741
Hmm, what's
really happening here?

1250
01:00:46.776 --> 01:00:50.008
Why do you associate food
with comfort?"

1251
01:00:50.043 --> 01:00:52.010
And that's simply
just because of all the neglect

1252
01:00:52.045 --> 01:00:53.748
I experienced in my childhood.

1253
01:00:53.783 --> 01:00:55.783
So, therefore, Mr. NHS,

1254
01:00:55.818 --> 01:00:58.049
you don't need to talk
to fat people about being fat.

1255
01:00:58.084 --> 01:00:59.380
You need to talk to people

1256
01:00:59.415 --> 01:01:01.250
about their childhood
and their trauma.

1257
01:01:01.285 --> 01:01:05.254
That is the health
that you should focus on.

1258
01:01:13.495 --> 01:01:14.736
♪

1259
01:01:14.771 --> 01:01:16.705
I feel pressure to go to the gym

1260
01:01:16.740 --> 01:01:19.807
just to bulk up, to eat cleaner,

1261
01:01:19.842 --> 01:01:25.175
to shun those evil carbs
and get more protein in.

1262
01:01:25.210 --> 01:01:28.079
It's something... it's being
repeated so often,

1263
01:01:28.114 --> 01:01:30.180
it becomes part of your way
of thinking,

1264
01:01:30.215 --> 01:01:31.895
and you really need
to invest some energy

1265
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:34.184
to get out of this.

1266
01:01:38.388 --> 01:01:39.761
Someone will come to me and say,

1267
01:01:39.796 --> 01:01:41.356
"Oh, I want to look like this,"

1268
01:01:41.391 --> 01:01:43.798
and they'll show me a picture
of a guy in a magazine

1269
01:01:43.833 --> 01:01:45.503
or someone that they've seen
on Instagram,

1270
01:01:45.527 --> 01:01:47.835
and I'll say,
"Why? Why is that?"

1271
01:01:47.870 --> 01:01:50.079
Because that's a big thing,
it's a very powerful question

1272
01:01:50.103 --> 01:01:52.367
to ask a client is the "why."

1273
01:01:52.402 --> 01:01:55.073
Now, for a lot of people
it is just an external source

1274
01:01:55.108 --> 01:01:57.141
of, "Oh, I just want
to look like that."

1275
01:01:57.176 --> 01:01:59.088
Well, then you've really got
to do some more digging

1276
01:01:59.112 --> 01:02:01.849
to find out why that is,
and nine times out of ten,

1277
01:02:01.884 --> 01:02:04.819
it'll be because they have
suffered self-esteem issues

1278
01:02:04.854 --> 01:02:06.513
or body image issues

1279
01:02:06.548 --> 01:02:09.120
or they've grown up
feeling insecure

1280
01:02:09.155 --> 01:02:10.418
compared to X, Y, and Z.

1281
01:02:10.453 --> 01:02:11.793
So, suddenly, they're the things

1282
01:02:11.828 --> 01:02:12.727
you've got to be working on.

1283
01:02:12.763 --> 01:02:14.136
You've got to be
helping them up here.

1284
01:02:14.160 --> 01:02:16.424
No diet will ever fix
that problem.

1285
01:02:21.101 --> 01:02:23.398
Basically, everyone strives
to be in the shape

1286
01:02:23.433 --> 01:02:26.368
of the stage bodybuilder,
which is unrealistic.

1287
01:02:26.403 --> 01:02:28.007
Not even bodybuilders
are in that shape

1288
01:02:28.042 --> 01:02:29.305
all of the time.

1289
01:02:29.340 --> 01:02:32.814
But this is what
we strive to have.

1290
01:02:35.181 --> 01:02:36.279
Make some noise!

1291
01:02:39.449 --> 01:02:41.152
Being a pro bodybuilder
is tough,

1292
01:02:41.187 --> 01:02:44.188
you know, it's not easy.

1293
01:02:44.223 --> 01:02:46.355
Now, that's it, flex it.

1294
01:02:48.898 --> 01:02:51.932
How much chicken fillet
do you eat in a day?

1295
01:02:51.967 --> 01:02:53.560
Uh, about 1.5 kilos.

1296
01:02:53.595 --> 01:02:55.870
- 1.5 kilos?
- Yeah.

1297
01:02:55.905 --> 01:02:59.973
Not having another gram more
of almonds,

1298
01:03:00.008 --> 01:03:03.141
not having another half
a bowl of oatmeal

1299
01:03:03.176 --> 01:03:05.539
when you're hungry, you know?

1300
01:03:05.574 --> 01:03:08.014
Not doing it, and not doing it,

1301
01:03:08.049 --> 01:03:10.918
not doing it
for a period of time.

1302
01:03:10.953 --> 01:03:15.450
We're talking about 10,
11, 12, 13 weeks.

1303
01:03:15.485 --> 01:03:18.090
♪

1304
01:03:18.125 --> 01:03:19.223
Nobody thought about bod...

1305
01:03:19.258 --> 01:03:20.895
They wouldn't even talk to us.

1306
01:03:20.930 --> 01:03:22.292
But after Pumping Iron,

1307
01:03:22.327 --> 01:03:24.998
it really changed
the face of bodybuilding.

1308
01:03:25.033 --> 01:03:27.869
All the world was pumping iron.

1309
01:03:27.904 --> 01:03:30.168
It was great to say
pumping iron.

1310
01:03:30.203 --> 01:03:35.140
I mean, gyms were popping up
all over the United States.

1311
01:03:35.175 --> 01:03:36.944
♪

1312
01:03:36.979 --> 01:03:39.474
We're looking at physique sports

1313
01:03:39.509 --> 01:03:42.477
that, once upon a time,
were confined to

1314
01:03:42.512 --> 01:03:46.481
a fairly small subset of people
that were interested in it.

1315
01:03:46.516 --> 01:03:50.287
And we've seen
this mainstreaming of practices

1316
01:03:50.322 --> 01:03:53.323
involving very restrictive
meal plans,

1317
01:03:53.358 --> 01:03:55.930
counting calories
and macronutrients,

1318
01:03:55.965 --> 01:03:57.899
but more particularly,

1319
01:03:57.934 --> 01:04:00.363
it's the emphasis on looking

1320
01:04:00.398 --> 01:04:03.069
the way that bodybuilders
might look on stage

1321
01:04:03.104 --> 01:04:05.203
at a very low level of body fat.

1322
01:04:05.238 --> 01:04:06.941
For both men and women,

1323
01:04:06.976 --> 01:04:09.075
that has become a cultural norm,

1324
01:04:09.110 --> 01:04:12.474
that has become something
that people portray

1325
01:04:12.509 --> 01:04:15.048
through their social media
every day,

1326
01:04:15.083 --> 01:04:19.019
and it fails to,

1327
01:04:19.054 --> 01:04:21.516
I think, represent
that most people

1328
01:04:21.551 --> 01:04:23.386
get into that type of condition

1329
01:04:23.421 --> 01:04:25.619
once or twice a year for a show.

1330
01:04:25.654 --> 01:04:28.996
What they tend to do, then,
is have two to three days

1331
01:04:29.031 --> 01:04:31.493
of photo shoots
and then simply drip-feed

1332
01:04:31.528 --> 01:04:33.330
those photographs out
onto social media

1333
01:04:33.365 --> 01:04:34.936
for the next year.

1334
01:04:34.971 --> 01:04:36.608
That gives the impression
to ordinary people

1335
01:04:36.632 --> 01:04:39.171
that this particular person
looks like this

1336
01:04:39.206 --> 01:04:42.141
day in and day out.

1337
01:04:42.176 --> 01:04:44.979
♪

1338
01:04:45.014 --> 01:04:46.585
There are a lot of people
in the fitness industry

1339
01:04:46.609 --> 01:04:50.479
who are abusing steroids,
which will give you

1340
01:04:50.514 --> 01:04:53.251
unsustainable results
unless you participate

1341
01:04:53.286 --> 01:04:55.220
in taking them yourself.

1342
01:04:55.255 --> 01:04:57.354
So many people promote something

1343
01:04:57.389 --> 01:04:59.059
that your average Joe and Jane

1344
01:04:59.094 --> 01:05:01.160
will never ever
be able to obtain,

1345
01:05:01.195 --> 01:05:04.064
and that's my biggest problem.

1346
01:05:04.099 --> 01:05:11.500
♪

1347
01:05:11.535 --> 01:05:15.108
I don't think people
always truly appreciate

1348
01:05:15.143 --> 01:05:17.143
the psychological restrictions

1349
01:05:17.178 --> 01:05:19.574
that a lot of us
still place on our lives,

1350
01:05:19.609 --> 01:05:21.543
things like,
"Oh, I must go for a run

1351
01:05:21.578 --> 01:05:23.578
because I've eaten this today,"

1352
01:05:23.613 --> 01:05:25.613
or, "Oh, I've had this
for breakfast,

1353
01:05:25.648 --> 01:05:28.154
so I'm not gonna have this
with my dinner," or...

1354
01:05:28.189 --> 01:05:32.961
There's still a lot of
residual internalized dialogue

1355
01:05:32.996 --> 01:05:35.458
that we've lived with
our entire lives,

1356
01:05:35.493 --> 01:05:37.229
that we heard our mom say,

1357
01:05:37.264 --> 01:05:39.429
that we heard
our grandparents say,

1358
01:05:39.464 --> 01:05:41.431
that our friends
still talk about,

1359
01:05:41.466 --> 01:05:44.236
that's happening in the office
when we're at work.

1360
01:05:44.271 --> 01:05:46.634
So those kinds of
mental restrictions,

1361
01:05:46.669 --> 01:05:51.540
they're an awful lot harder
to get away from.

1362
01:05:51.575 --> 01:05:54.081
♪

1363
01:05:54.116 --> 01:05:57.612
I was really forced to face
what was going on,

1364
01:05:57.647 --> 01:05:58.613
and I think
that's when I realized

1365
01:05:58.648 --> 01:05:59.988
something had to change

1366
01:06:00.023 --> 01:06:02.122
because I couldn't
do this again.

1367
01:06:02.157 --> 01:06:03.354
I'd been in hospital twice,

1368
01:06:03.389 --> 01:06:07.622
and it's a very intense
environment.

1369
01:06:07.657 --> 01:06:09.756
♪

1370
01:06:09.791 --> 01:06:14.068
The start of my recovery journey

1371
01:06:14.103 --> 01:06:16.697
was recognizing
that what I was doing

1372
01:06:16.732 --> 01:06:20.074
wasn't serving me
and was making me so unhappy.

1373
01:06:20.109 --> 01:06:22.769
So, to be in your early twenties

1374
01:06:22.804 --> 01:06:25.178
and to be in a position
where you're considering

1375
01:06:25.213 --> 01:06:26.674
taking your own life

1376
01:06:26.709 --> 01:06:28.511
is a powerful enough reason
to think,

1377
01:06:28.546 --> 01:06:30.348
"Hmm, something
is not quite right.

1378
01:06:30.383 --> 01:06:31.745
I need to do
something about it."

1379
01:06:31.780 --> 01:06:33.747
So that's when I went
and sought help.

1380
01:06:33.782 --> 01:06:35.650
Things like
cognitive behavioral therapy

1381
01:06:35.685 --> 01:06:37.322
worked wonders for me.

1382
01:06:37.357 --> 01:06:41.491
I came across
the power of the mind.

1383
01:06:41.526 --> 01:06:43.394
And, so, going forward now
in my coaching,

1384
01:06:43.429 --> 01:06:47.794
that's how I help people,
because there is no quick fix,

1385
01:06:47.829 --> 01:06:52.502
and there is certainly
no one-fix solution for people.

1386
01:06:52.537 --> 01:06:55.307
♪

1387
01:06:55.342 --> 01:06:57.639
I posted a picture on Instagram.

1388
01:06:57.674 --> 01:07:01.412
I'd been using my account
to document my dieting,

1389
01:07:01.447 --> 01:07:04.316
and when I posted the picture
about bingeing,

1390
01:07:04.351 --> 01:07:06.120
one of my local friends said,

1391
01:07:06.155 --> 01:07:08.815
"Oh, I've been following
this woman

1392
01:07:08.850 --> 01:07:11.158
who talks about anti-diet.

1393
01:07:11.193 --> 01:07:12.588
Maybe you should
check her out."

1394
01:07:12.623 --> 01:07:14.194
And that was it.

1395
01:07:14.229 --> 01:07:16.196
And very quickly, I realized

1396
01:07:16.231 --> 01:07:20.662
that actually my radical
disability rights politics

1397
01:07:20.697 --> 01:07:22.631
are essentially the same thing.

1398
01:07:22.666 --> 01:07:28.175
They translate so easily
into anti-beauty standards

1399
01:07:28.210 --> 01:07:30.606
and anti-diet that I almost felt

1400
01:07:30.641 --> 01:07:33.180
that I can't... a bit embarrassed

1401
01:07:33.215 --> 01:07:34.742
that I'd never sort of
cottoned on

1402
01:07:34.777 --> 01:07:36.579
that it was essentially
the same thing

1403
01:07:36.614 --> 01:07:39.285
and, yet, I was so extreme

1404
01:07:39.320 --> 01:07:41.122
in my radical
disability politics

1405
01:07:41.157 --> 01:07:43.817
but so extremely involved
in diet culture.

1406
01:07:43.852 --> 01:07:47.425
It was almost laughable.

1407
01:07:50.133 --> 01:07:52.166
When my relationship
with my body

1408
01:07:52.201 --> 01:07:54.102
was picking up momentum,

1409
01:07:54.137 --> 01:07:56.731
I started to see
what health meant.

1410
01:07:56.766 --> 01:07:58.568
And this diet culture thing,
I was like,

1411
01:07:58.603 --> 01:08:00.801
"Oh, the two
are actually separate,

1412
01:08:00.836 --> 01:08:02.385
but they've just been
married together

1413
01:08:02.409 --> 01:08:03.804
by people that don't get it.

1414
01:08:03.839 --> 01:08:06.246
Oh, so I really
have to be on this...

1415
01:08:06.281 --> 01:08:08.479
Explore this by myself?

1416
01:08:08.514 --> 01:08:10.745
Huh. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

1417
01:08:10.780 --> 01:08:13.583
So everyone's calling me 'fat'
and calling me 'ugly, '

1418
01:08:13.618 --> 01:08:15.882
but my body is still
faithful to me.

1419
01:08:15.917 --> 01:08:17.620
I've been raped,
it's been beaten,

1420
01:08:17.655 --> 01:08:19.292
I've been spat on,
I've been abused,

1421
01:08:19.327 --> 01:08:22.229
but my body hasn't failed me.

1422
01:08:22.264 --> 01:08:23.659
Ah."

1423
01:08:23.694 --> 01:08:25.331
Mm.

1424
01:08:25.366 --> 01:08:29.698
Really, it's... there's
never a problem inside.

1425
01:08:29.733 --> 01:08:30.765
As far as I'm aware,

1426
01:08:30.800 --> 01:08:32.701
the problem is always external,

1427
01:08:32.736 --> 01:08:34.571
it's always society.

1428
01:08:34.606 --> 01:08:37.706
And that's the same
in terms of all intersection.

1429
01:08:37.741 --> 01:08:42.282
So racism and transphobia,
fatphobia, ableism,

1430
01:08:42.317 --> 01:08:44.185
the problem is always
the outside.

1431
01:08:44.220 --> 01:08:45.912
It's never the person.

1432
01:08:45.947 --> 01:08:47.518
♪

1433
01:08:47.553 --> 01:08:50.587
So, for me, to take a leap
into an industry

1434
01:08:50.622 --> 01:08:54.261
that was notoriously known
for not accepting fat bodies

1435
01:08:54.296 --> 01:08:55.768
and didn't want to be
associated with them

1436
01:08:55.792 --> 01:08:59.827
in any way or form...

1437
01:08:59.862 --> 01:09:01.796
it was, yeah, it was sort of

1438
01:09:01.831 --> 01:09:05.305
proving my parents wrong,
but I'm proving society wrong,

1439
01:09:05.340 --> 01:09:09.276
that, actually, I could work
within that industry.

1440
01:09:09.311 --> 01:09:10.871
♪

1441
01:09:10.906 --> 01:09:15.183
We need to put those efforts
into looking outwards

1442
01:09:15.218 --> 01:09:16.943
and altering the things
that we see

1443
01:09:16.978 --> 01:09:19.187
that are problematic in society

1444
01:09:19.222 --> 01:09:21.354
rather than trying to fix
something in ourselves

1445
01:09:21.389 --> 01:09:23.257
that isn't even broken.

1446
01:09:23.292 --> 01:09:26.953
You are worthy, you are worthy
of better than this.

1447
01:09:26.988 --> 01:09:34.988
♪

1448
01:09:36.866 --> 01:09:39.471
Oh, hello, London.

1449
01:09:39.506 --> 01:09:41.737
Anyone over there
with a pair of binoculars?

1450
01:09:41.772 --> 01:09:46.676
I'm fat, yes,
but I'm not inactive.

1451
01:09:46.711 --> 01:09:50.548
I love to run around
and be silly and joke and laugh,

1452
01:09:50.583 --> 01:09:53.221
and I love to dance!

1453
01:09:53.256 --> 01:09:56.455
Don't... say it to my face...

1454
01:09:56.490 --> 01:10:00.261
Why am I insecure because of
your, your, and your opinions?

1455
01:10:00.296 --> 01:10:01.328
I can't do that.

1456
01:10:01.363 --> 01:10:04.793
♪

1457
01:10:04.828 --> 01:10:07.466
I love soca music,
Caribbean music.

1458
01:10:07.501 --> 01:10:10.436
The bigger the bum, the better.

1459
01:10:10.471 --> 01:10:12.735
Like, I'm not bashing anybody
with small bums,

1460
01:10:12.770 --> 01:10:15.342
but if you, like,
you have a small bum,

1461
01:10:15.377 --> 01:10:18.411
it's a little bit difficult,
you know, to dance.

1462
01:10:18.446 --> 01:10:21.315
Everybody's accepted
in the Caribbean.

1463
01:10:21.350 --> 01:10:23.251
Like body size, nobody's bashed.

1464
01:10:23.286 --> 01:10:25.616
You'd probably be bashed
maybe on your personality

1465
01:10:25.651 --> 01:10:28.685
before someone will talk
about your size.

1466
01:10:36.728 --> 01:10:39.399
I eventually decided
to face up to the fear

1467
01:10:39.434 --> 01:10:40.928
of eating a croissant.

1468
01:10:40.963 --> 01:10:42.930
So it was about
seven or eight years

1469
01:10:42.965 --> 01:10:44.800
since I'd eaten a croissant,

1470
01:10:44.835 --> 01:10:46.604
and it was something
I thought about a lot,

1471
01:10:46.639 --> 01:10:48.540
like I'd see people eat them
and I'd think,

1472
01:10:48.575 --> 01:10:50.454
"Oh, I really want one of them,
but, oh, I can't one.

1473
01:10:50.478 --> 01:10:51.972
They're something
I just don't eat."

1474
01:10:52.007 --> 01:10:55.448
And, then, eventually, I did,
and when I did eat it,

1475
01:10:55.483 --> 01:10:57.747
I have to admit
that it was tough.

1476
01:10:57.782 --> 01:10:59.045
It wasn't just, "Oh, I ate it,"

1477
01:10:59.080 --> 01:11:00.717
and I thought, "That was easy."

1478
01:11:00.752 --> 01:11:02.521
It was actually still
quite challenging

1479
01:11:02.556 --> 01:11:05.392
because it was a fear food,

1480
01:11:05.427 --> 01:11:08.593
and it brought up feelings
of guilt and anxiety and shame

1481
01:11:08.628 --> 01:11:10.001
because I thought
I'd let myself down

1482
01:11:10.025 --> 01:11:13.697
by having something
I'd said was off-limits.

1483
01:11:13.732 --> 01:11:19.703
♪

1484
01:11:19.738 --> 01:11:21.903
It makes people anxious often

1485
01:11:21.938 --> 01:11:24.708
to think about the shame
and the guilt

1486
01:11:24.743 --> 01:11:26.644
that's underneath dieting.

1487
01:11:26.679 --> 01:11:28.580
And, so, when we think
about letting go

1488
01:11:28.615 --> 01:11:32.320
of our food roles, we're also,
on an unconscious level,

1489
01:11:32.355 --> 01:11:35.488
letting go
of our sense of control.

1490
01:11:35.523 --> 01:11:37.721
And, you know, diet culture
tells us, of course,

1491
01:11:37.756 --> 01:11:41.054
we can and we should be able
to control our bodies.

1492
01:11:41.089 --> 01:11:48.831
♪

1493
01:11:48.866 --> 01:11:51.702
Even when she went
to university,

1494
01:11:51.737 --> 01:11:53.836
she wasn't well, really,

1495
01:11:53.871 --> 01:11:57.004
but she just showed
enormous courage.

1496
01:11:57.039 --> 01:11:59.677
And we didn't want her to go,

1497
01:11:59.712 --> 01:12:03.450
but I could sort of see
that she was starting

1498
01:12:03.485 --> 01:12:07.421
to take the control back herself

1499
01:12:07.456 --> 01:12:08.917
and to deal with it.

1500
01:12:08.952 --> 01:12:13.086
And just learning to step back
and let her do that

1501
01:12:13.121 --> 01:12:15.660
was... was what we did.

1502
01:12:15.695 --> 01:12:17.893
I think it's 'cause...

1503
01:12:17.928 --> 01:12:22.667
I don't know when,
but at some point I realized,

1504
01:12:22.702 --> 01:12:25.769
I realized I wanted to live
and not just survive.

1505
01:12:25.804 --> 01:12:29.740
I'd been just surviving
for so long

1506
01:12:29.775 --> 01:12:32.512
but feeling so awful

1507
01:12:32.547 --> 01:12:34.019
that I actually wanted
to get to a place

1508
01:12:34.043 --> 01:12:35.746
where I was living
and enjoying things

1509
01:12:35.781 --> 01:12:38.452
rather than going
through the motions

1510
01:12:38.487 --> 01:12:41.422
day in and day out.

1511
01:12:41.457 --> 01:12:49.457
♪

1512
01:12:49.597 --> 01:12:53.995
When it comes to diets...
And what's the new one, keto?

1513
01:12:54.030 --> 01:12:56.129
Keto, I think that's the new one

1514
01:12:56.164 --> 01:12:57.900
and people are going crazy
over that.

1515
01:12:57.935 --> 01:12:59.649
I thought I was
gonna jump on it, Googled it,

1516
01:12:59.673 --> 01:13:02.135
I said, "No, that's way
too much effort to me."

1517
01:13:02.170 --> 01:13:04.148
Why can't we just have
a healthy, balanced lifestyle?

1518
01:13:04.172 --> 01:13:06.579
We can't have a healthy,
balanced lifestyle

1519
01:13:06.614 --> 01:13:08.812
because... well, we can,
but it's very difficult

1520
01:13:08.847 --> 01:13:10.649
and it's going to be
very difficult

1521
01:13:10.684 --> 01:13:12.453
because of money.

1522
01:13:12.488 --> 01:13:15.016
Money makes everything
a problem for somebody.

1523
01:13:15.051 --> 01:13:17.458
The rich eat well,
the poor eat shit.

1524
01:13:17.493 --> 01:13:20.593
And as someone who considers
myself as working class...

1525
01:13:20.628 --> 01:13:23.123
I've not yet really reached
celebrity status.

1526
01:13:23.158 --> 01:13:25.532
When I get there,
things might change,

1527
01:13:25.567 --> 01:13:28.436
but until then,
I am definitely living

1528
01:13:28.471 --> 01:13:32.539
below the breadline
and, um, it's hard.

1529
01:13:32.574 --> 01:13:35.971
I feel that I am this way
because of lots of factors,

1530
01:13:36.006 --> 01:13:37.841
but one of the main things

1531
01:13:37.876 --> 01:13:40.173
is that all we ever had
enough money to eat

1532
01:13:40.208 --> 01:13:43.517
was what we could afford
which is Iceland food,

1533
01:13:43.552 --> 01:13:45.486
cheap and cheerful, ASDA,

1534
01:13:45.521 --> 01:13:47.818
microwave meals
because everyone's parents,

1535
01:13:47.853 --> 01:13:50.216
family, guardians, whatever,
are working so hard

1536
01:13:50.251 --> 01:13:53.725
to put money on the table
that they can't cook us

1537
01:13:53.760 --> 01:13:58.059
venison and, uh, shrimp
for dinner.

1538
01:13:58.094 --> 01:14:02.767
♪

1539
01:14:02.802 --> 01:14:04.571
From day one, when we go

1540
01:14:04.606 --> 01:14:08.476
into our nutrition
and public health degrees,

1541
01:14:08.511 --> 01:14:12.040
we are taught
that socioeconomic disparities

1542
01:14:12.075 --> 01:14:14.548
drive health inequality,

1543
01:14:14.583 --> 01:14:17.177
and it's like a given,
it's a fact,

1544
01:14:17.212 --> 01:14:20.246
and then it never gets
touched on ever again

1545
01:14:20.281 --> 01:14:22.853
and we barely talk about it.

1546
01:14:22.888 --> 01:14:30.888
♪

1547
01:14:49.618 --> 01:14:53.719
We have quite a strong body
of research now that shows

1548
01:14:53.754 --> 01:14:57.855
that the primary determinants
of all of these conditions

1549
01:14:57.890 --> 01:14:59.923
is socioeconomic status,

1550
01:14:59.958 --> 01:15:04.290
and it goes simply beyond
baseline income level,

1551
01:15:04.325 --> 01:15:07.634
but, actually, is more
pronounced in societies

1552
01:15:07.669 --> 01:15:10.197
where the wealth gap
between the very rich

1553
01:15:10.232 --> 01:15:14.707
and poorest in society
is the largest.

1554
01:15:14.742 --> 01:15:17.237
And that's why
for health statistics,

1555
01:15:17.272 --> 01:15:19.206
the countries
with the leading issues

1556
01:15:19.241 --> 01:15:21.043
in chronic lifestyle disease

1557
01:15:21.078 --> 01:15:24.211
are the UK, the United States,
and Australia

1558
01:15:24.246 --> 01:15:28.116
because they typically have
the biggest wealth disparity.

1559
01:15:28.151 --> 01:15:29.623
♪

1560
01:15:29.658 --> 01:15:32.758
And so the big rhetoric
either from government

1561
01:15:32.793 --> 01:15:36.762
or from food industry
is that, you know,

1562
01:15:36.797 --> 01:15:40.062
everyone just needs
to eat better.

1563
01:15:40.097 --> 01:15:43.197
But then we look at
the urban environments

1564
01:15:43.232 --> 01:15:45.034
and food deserts, and we see

1565
01:15:45.069 --> 01:15:48.268
that, actually,
all of the fast food chains

1566
01:15:48.303 --> 01:15:50.105
and the quick convenience foods,

1567
01:15:50.140 --> 01:15:52.712
which are kind of lower
in minerals and nutrients

1568
01:15:52.747 --> 01:15:55.275
than kind of whole foods,

1569
01:15:55.310 --> 01:15:57.948
are disproportionately in areas

1570
01:15:57.983 --> 01:16:01.347
of low economic advantage.

1571
01:16:01.382 --> 01:16:03.283
When you add other barriers in,

1572
01:16:03.318 --> 01:16:07.320
like increasing consumption
of energy away from the home,

1573
01:16:07.355 --> 01:16:09.828
lack of food preparation skills,

1574
01:16:09.863 --> 01:16:14.602
time is a huge barrier
for low socioeconomic families

1575
01:16:14.637 --> 01:16:18.100
because, often, there could be
single-parent households,

1576
01:16:18.135 --> 01:16:21.609
two jobs, and we have

1577
01:16:21.644 --> 01:16:24.040
all of these social
and economic barriers

1578
01:16:24.075 --> 01:16:25.712
that we're not talking about,

1579
01:16:25.747 --> 01:16:28.308
and unless we start
talking about those issues,

1580
01:16:28.343 --> 01:16:30.178
we're not going to make
progress.

1581
01:16:37.891 --> 01:16:41.992
Be it jerk chicken
and rice and peas,

1582
01:16:42.027 --> 01:16:43.928
or an Iceland microwave tin

1583
01:16:43.963 --> 01:16:46.799
which was something Mom had
to "psh, psh, psh" together,

1584
01:16:46.834 --> 01:16:49.703
as you're eating that,
you're drooling

1585
01:16:49.738 --> 01:16:51.639
over McDonald's
and Burger King adverts

1586
01:16:51.674 --> 01:16:53.135
and KFC adverts

1587
01:16:53.170 --> 01:16:56.842
and, um, "buy this"
and "just on offer today,

1588
01:16:56.877 --> 01:16:59.746
Birds Eye Chicken Dippers."

1589
01:16:59.781 --> 01:17:03.376
"Get two for 12 pound
Iceland today."

1590
01:17:03.411 --> 01:17:05.818
You want us to be healthy.

1591
01:17:05.853 --> 01:17:09.954
Where's the whole foods
advertisements on TV at 7:00?

1592
01:17:09.989 --> 01:17:12.660
I've not seen any of those.

1593
01:17:12.695 --> 01:17:13.594
You want us to be healthy.

1594
01:17:13.630 --> 01:17:16.389
Why isn't everything
just organic then?

1595
01:17:16.424 --> 01:17:17.995
You... you know?

1596
01:17:18.030 --> 01:17:22.197
Not only is that
evidentially unsustainable,

1597
01:17:22.232 --> 01:17:25.332
I think it's morally
unsustainable now

1598
01:17:25.367 --> 01:17:28.236
to put personal responsibility
on people

1599
01:17:28.271 --> 01:17:30.678
without modifying
the environment in their favor

1600
01:17:30.713 --> 01:17:34.407
that allows them to take
any personal responsibility.

1601
01:17:34.442 --> 01:17:37.916
If we're really serious
about reversing

1602
01:17:37.951 --> 01:17:41.117
or reducing the burden
of chronic lifestyle disease,

1603
01:17:41.152 --> 01:17:43.955
we need to start viewing this
as a political issue,

1604
01:17:43.990 --> 01:17:45.099
and we need to start viewing it

1605
01:17:45.123 --> 01:17:47.761
as the socioeconomic issue
that it is,

1606
01:17:47.796 --> 01:17:51.864
and we need to start looking

1607
01:17:51.899 --> 01:17:54.163
at that very high level
for solutions

1608
01:17:54.198 --> 01:17:56.935
because it's really
the only place

1609
01:17:56.970 --> 01:18:01.104
where hard answers are going
to come to hard questions.

1610
01:18:01.139 --> 01:18:03.975
And the real question
within that is,

1611
01:18:04.010 --> 01:18:08.144
do we have political parties
that are brave enough

1612
01:18:08.179 --> 01:18:11.180
to take that step?

1613
01:18:11.215 --> 01:18:13.281
And that's a question
that I would not be

1614
01:18:13.316 --> 01:18:15.283
particularly confident on

1615
01:18:15.318 --> 01:18:18.990
in certainly the countries
that have embraced

1616
01:18:19.025 --> 01:18:22.290
the neoliberal economic model.

1617
01:18:22.325 --> 01:18:26.393
♪

1618
01:18:26.428 --> 01:18:30.100
What strikes me is the lack
of urgency about this,

1619
01:18:30.135 --> 01:18:32.201
that assimilation
and eradication.

1620
01:18:32.236 --> 01:18:33.840
This is what we're talking about

1621
01:18:33.875 --> 01:18:36.106
when we talk about...
When people are suggesting

1622
01:18:36.141 --> 01:18:38.009
weight correction
as the way forward.

1623
01:18:38.044 --> 01:18:40.407
Health at Every Size
is a concept

1624
01:18:40.442 --> 01:18:43.916
that was coined by Linda Bacon
and Lucy Aphramor,

1625
01:18:43.951 --> 01:18:45.412
and the best way to describe it

1626
01:18:45.447 --> 01:18:48.382
is that it's
a social justice movement

1627
01:18:48.417 --> 01:18:51.891
that's designed to creating
and delivering

1628
01:18:51.926 --> 01:18:55.829
inclusive and accessible care
for everybody.

1629
01:18:55.864 --> 01:18:59.459
So, I focus on body respect
and health gain,

1630
01:18:59.494 --> 01:19:01.868
where health gain
resides in justice.

1631
01:19:01.903 --> 01:19:04.805
If we want health,
we need a fair society,

1632
01:19:04.840 --> 01:19:06.334
we need to talk about trauma,

1633
01:19:06.369 --> 01:19:08.435
we need to be
compassion-centered.

1634
01:19:08.470 --> 01:19:11.141
And so how that translates
to working

1635
01:19:11.176 --> 01:19:14.045
as a Health at Every Size
practitioner, for example,

1636
01:19:14.080 --> 01:19:16.784
is I position my clients
as the experts

1637
01:19:16.819 --> 01:19:19.050
because they're the ones
that know what feels right

1638
01:19:19.085 --> 01:19:21.316
in their body,
they're the ones that know

1639
01:19:21.351 --> 01:19:25.188
what fits with their lives
in terms of healthcare.

1640
01:19:25.223 --> 01:19:27.927
But at the same time,
I'm also teaching them

1641
01:19:27.962 --> 01:19:30.996
that critical awareness
by bringing in research

1642
01:19:31.031 --> 01:19:32.998
and helping them
to really unpack

1643
01:19:33.033 --> 01:19:36.100
those internalized messages
from diet culture.

1644
01:19:36.135 --> 01:19:37.563
Vicious cycle.

1645
01:19:37.598 --> 01:19:40.566
Hundred percent vicious cycle.

1646
01:19:40.601 --> 01:19:43.437
I'm actually
really quite inspired

1647
01:19:43.472 --> 01:19:45.472
by the idea of intuitive eating.

1648
01:19:45.507 --> 01:19:49.949
I think it's something that
you have to be very careful

1649
01:19:49.984 --> 01:19:53.414
to kind of embark on
because it's very easy to say,

1650
01:19:53.449 --> 01:19:55.086
"Well, I'll eat intuitively,"

1651
01:19:55.121 --> 01:19:57.550
but if you're still ruled
by assorted eating thoughts,

1652
01:19:57.585 --> 01:20:00.322
you may just not eat enough
or you may completely cut back

1653
01:20:00.357 --> 01:20:02.269
because you'll think
your body is saying one thing

1654
01:20:02.293 --> 01:20:03.457
when, really, your thoughts

1655
01:20:03.492 --> 01:20:05.525
have control over you, actually.

1656
01:20:05.560 --> 01:20:06.571
The thoughts
are saying something

1657
01:20:06.595 --> 01:20:09.364
and it's not your hunger
you're listening to.

1658
01:20:11.071 --> 01:20:14.039
So, intuitive eating
is a framework

1659
01:20:14.074 --> 01:20:17.944
that is designed to get you
to reconnect with your body,

1660
01:20:17.979 --> 01:20:19.946
and it was developed
by Evelyn Tribole

1661
01:20:19.981 --> 01:20:22.982
and Elyse Resch
in the mid-1990s.

1662
01:20:23.017 --> 01:20:25.182
And the reason why
it's so important right now

1663
01:20:25.217 --> 01:20:27.954
is because it's
a really radical concept

1664
01:20:27.989 --> 01:20:31.122
and a really radical framework
in diet culture,

1665
01:20:31.157 --> 01:20:33.927
where we're constantly
being bombarded with messages

1666
01:20:33.962 --> 01:20:36.193
about what to eat
and how to eat.

1667
01:20:36.228 --> 01:20:39.361
Intuitively eating teaches us
how to strip those back

1668
01:20:39.396 --> 01:20:42.870
and how to regain trust
in our bodies.

1669
01:20:48.339 --> 01:20:52.143
Jubilee Line, the next train
to Wembley Park

1670
01:20:52.178 --> 01:20:57.115
will depart from Platform 14
in one minute.

1671
01:20:57.150 --> 01:20:59.282
I'm just a secret...
I'm a secret eater

1672
01:20:59.317 --> 01:21:03.022
because I was so ashamed
to do it in public.

1673
01:21:03.057 --> 01:21:04.551
I reached a level of confidence

1674
01:21:04.586 --> 01:21:05.992
where I didn't really mind,

1675
01:21:06.027 --> 01:21:07.653
but it seems to have
disappeared again

1676
01:21:07.688 --> 01:21:09.358
and, now, even if I am
really hungry

1677
01:21:09.393 --> 01:21:11.624
and I do just want some chips
from McDonald's,

1678
01:21:11.659 --> 01:21:14.066
I just... I can't, I won't do it.

1679
01:21:14.101 --> 01:21:16.530
I don't want to do it,
I feel bad,

1680
01:21:16.565 --> 01:21:20.633
even though everyone
has chips from, um,

1681
01:21:20.668 --> 01:21:22.206
has chips from McDonald's.

1682
01:21:27.246 --> 01:21:28.674
People always ask,

1683
01:21:28.709 --> 01:21:32.018
"Well, if I improve
my relationship with food,"

1684
01:21:32.053 --> 01:21:33.448
and one of those things
to do that

1685
01:21:33.483 --> 01:21:36.088
is giving yourself
unconditional permission

1686
01:21:36.123 --> 01:21:37.056
to eat all foods,

1687
01:21:37.091 --> 01:21:39.355
where nothing
is officially off the table,

1688
01:21:39.390 --> 01:21:41.324
they go, "well,
I'm just gonna put weight on.

1689
01:21:41.359 --> 01:21:43.029
I'm just gonna keep
gaining weight.

1690
01:21:43.064 --> 01:21:45.427
I did that once, I tried
to give myself permission

1691
01:21:45.462 --> 01:21:47.528
and I just gained weight."

1692
01:21:47.563 --> 01:21:49.101
The difficulty is that

1693
01:21:49.136 --> 01:21:51.136
if you're giving yourself
permission,

1694
01:21:51.171 --> 01:21:54.139
but you still have an end goal
of weight loss,

1695
01:21:54.174 --> 01:21:57.604
then you don't really have
unconditional permission.

1696
01:21:57.639 --> 01:21:59.353
Everything that you do
is still conditional

1697
01:21:59.377 --> 01:22:00.981
on not gaining weight,

1698
01:22:01.016 --> 01:22:03.412
and it brings fear
back into the equation

1699
01:22:03.447 --> 01:22:05.480
because we're afraid
of gaining weight.

1700
01:22:05.515 --> 01:22:08.582
And when we're afraid,
we then restrict

1701
01:22:08.617 --> 01:22:11.453
because restriction
comes from fear.

1702
01:22:20.596 --> 01:22:23.663
We're diverse individuals,
we're complex creatures,

1703
01:22:23.698 --> 01:22:27.337
so we need a wide range
of things to help us cope.

1704
01:22:27.372 --> 01:22:30.637
However, some of the foods
that we use to cope

1705
01:22:30.672 --> 01:22:34.212
with our emotions
are vilified in diet culture.

1706
01:22:34.247 --> 01:22:35.983
I mean, when we're feeling sad
or upset,

1707
01:22:36.018 --> 01:22:39.085
we're not gonna go
for a plate of kale.

1708
01:22:39.120 --> 01:22:40.581
We want to go
for a piece of cake,

1709
01:22:40.616 --> 01:22:42.451
or we want to go for some pasta,

1710
01:22:42.486 --> 01:22:45.388
or we want to go for something
that, generally speaking,

1711
01:22:45.423 --> 01:22:47.225
gets vilified by diet culture

1712
01:22:47.260 --> 01:22:49.722
because it has sugar
or carbohydrates.

1713
01:22:49.757 --> 01:22:51.625
And there's so much
fearmongering

1714
01:22:51.660 --> 01:22:53.759
around those kind of foods,

1715
01:22:53.794 --> 01:22:56.564
that when we then
go to reach for them,

1716
01:22:56.599 --> 01:23:01.008
when we're feeling emotional,
we experience shame and guilt.

1717
01:23:03.078 --> 01:23:04.044
♪

1718
01:23:04.079 --> 01:23:07.608
Also, food is deeply emotional
all by itself.

1719
01:23:07.643 --> 01:23:09.313
You know,
our first relationships

1720
01:23:09.348 --> 01:23:11.777
are mediated through food.

1721
01:23:11.812 --> 01:23:13.779
And so that means
that, quite often,

1722
01:23:13.814 --> 01:23:16.485
food can help us to process

1723
01:23:16.520 --> 01:23:19.752
or go back
to certain comfortable,

1724
01:23:19.787 --> 01:23:22.029
more pleasant points in time.

1725
01:23:22.064 --> 01:23:23.789
So that's not a cause
for condemnation.

1726
01:23:23.824 --> 01:23:26.264
That should be quite
a strong cause for compassion

1727
01:23:26.299 --> 01:23:30.565
and either seeking
or offering support to someone.

1728
01:23:30.600 --> 01:23:37.209
♪

1729
01:23:37.244 --> 01:23:39.640
I think also realizing

1730
01:23:39.675 --> 01:23:43.116
that the experts
might be able to help,

1731
01:23:43.151 --> 01:23:46.185
'cause I lost faith in them
along the way.

1732
01:23:46.220 --> 01:23:47.813
And I think Hannah's had support

1733
01:23:47.848 --> 01:23:51.289
from one particularly
good person in recent years

1734
01:23:51.324 --> 01:23:53.159
who was actually
a family therapist

1735
01:23:53.194 --> 01:23:56.393
who I also did some work with.

1736
01:23:56.428 --> 01:23:59.132
Do you remember, we used to do
all these albums?

1737
01:23:59.167 --> 01:24:03.202
I think she always saw me
as a person,

1738
01:24:03.237 --> 01:24:06.568
not as an illness, and I think
sometimes along the way

1739
01:24:06.603 --> 01:24:09.802
professionals would only see you
as an illness,

1740
01:24:09.837 --> 01:24:12.310
and especially as I got older

1741
01:24:12.345 --> 01:24:14.477
and I was no longer a teenager.

1742
01:24:14.512 --> 01:24:17.381
When I was... I was an adult
or I am an adult,

1743
01:24:17.416 --> 01:24:20.615
it was really hard when
you get treated like a child

1744
01:24:20.650 --> 01:24:23.387
because I could acknowledge
that I was unwell,

1745
01:24:23.422 --> 01:24:27.490
but actually I was still me.

1746
01:24:27.525 --> 01:24:28.788
Your hair.

1747
01:24:28.823 --> 01:24:30.691
Then, we went to Istanbul
afterwards.

1748
01:24:30.726 --> 01:24:33.628
I think that's what we did.

1749
01:24:33.663 --> 01:24:36.862
I wonder if had things
been addressed earlier on

1750
01:24:36.897 --> 01:24:40.338
in the right way,
then the outcome may have been

1751
01:24:40.373 --> 01:24:43.407
quite drastically different
and it wouldn't have taken

1752
01:24:43.442 --> 01:24:45.739
two years of my life
in an inpatient unit

1753
01:24:45.774 --> 01:24:50.249
and a lot, a lot
of challenges, yeah.

1754
01:24:50.284 --> 01:24:52.251
Yeah, I do question that,
and in fact,

1755
01:24:52.286 --> 01:24:53.527
you sort of beat yourself up
slightly and think,

1756
01:24:53.551 --> 01:24:55.155
"Why didn't I spot it earlier,"

1757
01:24:55.190 --> 01:24:56.200
and all this sort of stuff.

1758
01:24:56.224 --> 01:24:58.455
And, um,

1759
01:24:58.490 --> 01:24:59.863
you kind of have to learn
to live with that

1760
01:24:59.887 --> 01:25:02.129
because you did what you did.

1761
01:25:02.164 --> 01:25:03.164
Okay, great.

1762
01:25:06.630 --> 01:25:09.664
So, tonight,
I'm gonna cook that cake.

1763
01:25:09.699 --> 01:25:10.775
No, actually, I think
I'm gonna do the cookies,

1764
01:25:10.799 --> 01:25:13.305
I'm gonna do the chocolate chip.

1765
01:25:13.340 --> 01:25:21.340
♪

1766
01:25:24.285 --> 01:25:30.289
♪

1767
01:25:30.324 --> 01:25:33.886
So, yesterday, I was invited
down to Sunday Morning Live

1768
01:25:33.921 --> 01:25:36.922
with the BBC to talk about
body positive yoga.

1769
01:25:36.957 --> 01:25:39.628
I'm with a group of women
who refuse to let the opinions

1770
01:25:39.663 --> 01:25:42.334
of others shame them into
worrying about their health.

1771
01:25:42.369 --> 01:25:44.666
And that was wonderful,
we had the yoga class,

1772
01:25:44.701 --> 01:25:46.569
a few stretches,
sun salutations,

1773
01:25:46.604 --> 01:25:48.384
all that good stuff,
breathe, breathe, breathe.

1774
01:25:48.408 --> 01:25:51.244
Now, most people might say,
"What's more important,

1775
01:25:51.279 --> 01:25:53.312
body confidence
or good health?"

1776
01:25:53.347 --> 01:25:54.544
What would you say to that?

1777
01:25:54.579 --> 01:25:56.645
I think the two
have to coincide.

1778
01:25:56.680 --> 01:25:59.318
You have to be... in order
to be confident,

1779
01:25:59.353 --> 01:26:00.517
you need to be healthy.

1780
01:26:00.552 --> 01:26:02.354
In order to be healthy,
you have to have

1781
01:26:02.389 --> 01:26:04.752
some level of confidence
to go and pursue that.

1782
01:26:04.787 --> 01:26:09.757
So, then, they interviewed
a white guy

1783
01:26:09.792 --> 01:26:13.233
about the age of 40,
maybe even hitting 50.

1784
01:26:13.268 --> 01:26:15.928
Now, one man who knows more
about losing weight

1785
01:26:15.963 --> 01:26:17.303
is Chris Zaremba.

1786
01:26:17.338 --> 01:26:18.931
Now, Chris, lovely to meet you.

1787
01:26:18.966 --> 01:26:22.242
At one point, you weighed
18 stone, is that right?

1788
01:26:22.277 --> 01:26:24.640
That's right, when I was 50,
I was 18 stone.

1789
01:26:24.675 --> 01:26:26.455
Right, and we've got
some before and after photos

1790
01:26:26.479 --> 01:26:27.578
that we can have a look at.

1791
01:26:27.614 --> 01:26:29.942
It's pretty amazing
how much weight you've lost.

1792
01:26:29.977 --> 01:26:31.746
He started to speak
on his journey

1793
01:26:31.781 --> 01:26:35.321
of losing weight himself,
um, once being 18 stone,

1794
01:26:35.356 --> 01:26:38.225
which they said like it was,
like,

1795
01:26:38.260 --> 01:26:39.886
"Oh, you used to be a murderer.

1796
01:26:39.921 --> 01:26:41.492
Oh, you used to be 18 stone."

1797
01:26:41.527 --> 01:26:43.560
It was the exact same tone.

1798
01:26:43.595 --> 01:26:46.893
And I'm like, "Bitch,
last time I checked the scale,

1799
01:26:46.928 --> 01:26:51.568
I think I was hitting 20,
so what you trying to say?"

1800
01:26:51.603 --> 01:26:54.736
Being 18 stone,
I was technically obese.

1801
01:26:54.771 --> 01:26:56.276
I had very high blood pressure,

1802
01:26:56.311 --> 01:26:58.377
I had high levels
of lousy cholesterol,

1803
01:26:58.412 --> 01:27:01.875
the LDL cholesterol,
and I was borderline diabetic.

1804
01:27:01.910 --> 01:27:03.745
- Oh, goodness.
- And the GP told me

1805
01:27:03.780 --> 01:27:04.922
that if I didn't change my ways

1806
01:27:04.946 --> 01:27:06.385
and got a little more
into fitness

1807
01:27:06.420 --> 01:27:07.815
and a little away from fatness,

1808
01:27:07.850 --> 01:27:10.455
then it's possible I might
not see my 60th birthday.

1809
01:27:10.490 --> 01:27:12.358
Then he went on to speak
about weight loss

1810
01:27:12.393 --> 01:27:13.821
which he then corrected
and said,

1811
01:27:13.856 --> 01:27:15.493
"Well, actually, fat loss.

1812
01:27:15.528 --> 01:27:17.297
It was losing the fat
that I had to do."

1813
01:27:17.332 --> 01:27:19.629
And, again,
I'm there stretching,

1814
01:27:19.664 --> 01:27:22.764
downward facing dog
or whatever, thinking,

1815
01:27:22.799 --> 01:27:24.964
"If I could just get up
and punch this fool

1816
01:27:24.999 --> 01:27:26.570
in the face, I would."

1817
01:27:26.605 --> 01:27:27.912
But of course, again,
it's the BBC

1818
01:27:27.936 --> 01:27:29.738
and I don't want
to embarrass myself,

1819
01:27:29.773 --> 01:27:31.036
so I had to hold it down.

1820
01:27:31.071 --> 01:27:33.005
But then when I spoke
to the women afterwards,

1821
01:27:33.040 --> 01:27:35.909
it turns out that we all felt
the exact same way,

1822
01:27:35.944 --> 01:27:37.878
we all felt just as disappointed

1823
01:27:37.913 --> 01:27:42.322
in that moment as we all did,
but what can we do?

1824
01:27:42.357 --> 01:27:43.884
We're filming at 8:00 a.m.

1825
01:27:43.919 --> 01:27:46.491
for something to be broadcast
at 11:00.

1826
01:27:46.526 --> 01:27:48.460
What exactly are we gonna do?

1827
01:27:48.495 --> 01:27:51.364
So it's kind of like,
how can we go against this?

1828
01:27:51.399 --> 01:27:54.400
And then I sort of realized,

1829
01:27:54.435 --> 01:27:57.403
"I don't know if we can."

1830
01:27:57.438 --> 01:27:58.800
Here we go.

1831
01:28:01.442 --> 01:28:08.480
♪

1832
01:28:08.515 --> 01:28:10.317
This is The Real Catwalk,

1833
01:28:10.352 --> 01:28:13.749
and you're here to witness
true journeys of self-love,

1834
01:28:13.784 --> 01:28:16.983
the love for others,
acceptance, compassion

1835
01:28:17.018 --> 01:28:18.886
of whoever we are

1836
01:28:18.921 --> 01:28:22.626
in all of our bodies, shapes,
colors, sizes, abilities,

1837
01:28:22.661 --> 01:28:24.463
lived differences,
mental health,

1838
01:28:24.498 --> 01:28:25.761
we're celebrating all of it.

1839
01:28:25.796 --> 01:28:27.092
So, support them.

1840
01:28:27.127 --> 01:28:29.600
Give your applause,
scream, do whatever.

1841
01:28:29.635 --> 01:28:30.799
They'll do a little dance.

1842
01:28:30.834 --> 01:28:32.801
Our positions are here.

1843
01:28:32.836 --> 01:28:34.440
Enjoy the show.

1844
01:28:36.477 --> 01:28:44.477
♪

1845
01:28:47.521 --> 01:28:48.916
Ready?

1846
01:28:48.951 --> 01:28:50.555
Go.

1847
01:28:52.988 --> 01:29:00.988
♪

1848
01:29:23.788 --> 01:29:26.987
We're here for The Real Catwalk
in Trafalgar Square.

1849
01:29:27.022 --> 01:29:29.528
It's all about body positivity.

1850
01:29:29.563 --> 01:29:31.596
It doesn't matter who you are,
what shape you are,

1851
01:29:31.631 --> 01:29:33.796
what size you are,
what disability

1852
01:29:33.831 --> 01:29:37.129
or ability you have,
you are beautiful,

1853
01:29:37.164 --> 01:29:40.803
and I just think
it needs to be out there more.

1854
01:29:43.445 --> 01:29:44.972
♪

1855
01:29:45.007 --> 01:29:47.139
There's just...

1856
01:29:47.174 --> 01:29:49.812
Do you know how many bodies
look like mine?

1857
01:29:49.847 --> 01:29:51.517
I'm really...

1858
01:29:51.552 --> 01:29:54.080
You know, I mean, I am unique,
but not really,

1859
01:29:54.115 --> 01:29:56.819
because there's many women
who are apple-shaped,

1860
01:29:56.854 --> 01:29:58.656
pear-shaped, hourglass-shaped,

1861
01:29:58.691 --> 01:30:02.693
but there's just rolls
and jiggly bits everywhere.

1862
01:30:05.698 --> 01:30:08.061
The Real Catwalk is a flash mob

1863
01:30:08.096 --> 01:30:11.966
guerilla-style fashion show
in the middle of the public

1864
01:30:12.001 --> 01:30:13.836
and where people come
to celebrate themselves

1865
01:30:13.871 --> 01:30:16.938
and each other
in our differences.

1866
01:30:16.973 --> 01:30:18.742
♪

1867
01:30:18.777 --> 01:30:20.106
So it's amazing just to see

1868
01:30:20.141 --> 01:30:23.978
so many different varieties
of body types,

1869
01:30:24.013 --> 01:30:27.047
whether you've got an illness,
a disability,

1870
01:30:27.082 --> 01:30:30.017
whether you're
apparently "not perfect"

1871
01:30:30.052 --> 01:30:31.788
like the media shows.

1872
01:30:31.823 --> 01:30:34.219
It's just amazing to see
everybody happy with themselves

1873
01:30:34.254 --> 01:30:36.991
and supporting each other
as well.

1874
01:30:37.026 --> 01:30:40.192
When I heard there was
a bikini underwear shoot

1875
01:30:40.227 --> 01:30:43.228
in Trafalgar Square,
what better way is there

1876
01:30:43.263 --> 01:30:45.472
to get my point across

1877
01:30:45.507 --> 01:30:47.540
that all these beautiful people,

1878
01:30:47.575 --> 01:30:50.972
every body is different,
and yet they're all gorgeous.

1879
01:30:51.007 --> 01:30:53.106
It doesn't matter your color,
your shape,

1880
01:30:53.141 --> 01:30:55.009
the shape of your body,
your size.

1881
01:30:55.044 --> 01:30:56.978
It doesn't matter
if you have birthmarks,

1882
01:30:57.013 --> 01:30:58.617
if you have scars or not.

1883
01:30:58.652 --> 01:31:01.983
It doesn't matter,
you know, who you are.

1884
01:31:02.018 --> 01:31:05.690
♪

1885
01:31:05.725 --> 01:31:07.263
With me being in a wheelchair
just to prove...

1886
01:31:07.287 --> 01:31:09.694
To show people
that it doesn't matter

1887
01:31:09.729 --> 01:31:11.630
how you look or what difference

1888
01:31:11.665 --> 01:31:12.697
you think you are.

1889
01:31:12.732 --> 01:31:15.260
We're all people.

1890
01:31:15.295 --> 01:31:22.608
♪

1891
01:31:22.643 --> 01:31:25.611
To get everyone out,
everyone set out

1892
01:31:25.646 --> 01:31:28.009
to show off their stuff,
strut their stuff,

1893
01:31:28.044 --> 01:31:30.715
get out there, be loud, be bold.

1894
01:31:30.750 --> 01:31:35.115
♪

1895
01:31:35.150 --> 01:31:37.183
Take your time.

1896
01:31:37.218 --> 01:31:40.560
♪

1897
01:31:40.595 --> 01:31:44.762
Everyone making judgments,
so the best thing you can do

1898
01:31:44.797 --> 01:31:46.665
is deal with it, get over it,

1899
01:31:46.700 --> 01:31:48.260
and break that boundary anyway.

1900
01:31:48.295 --> 01:31:51.065
These days, I wear crop tops
and I don't feel no way.

1901
01:31:51.100 --> 01:31:52.308
When people look at me
on the train,

1902
01:31:52.332 --> 01:31:53.672
I don't get offended.

1903
01:31:53.707 --> 01:31:55.201
To me, it's like, "Look more."

1904
01:31:59.845 --> 01:32:02.076
I'd rather just... I'd just do
a catwalk for everyone,

1905
01:32:02.111 --> 01:32:03.781
"Look at me, look at me."

1906
01:32:03.816 --> 01:32:05.750
I walk with my head held high.

1907
01:32:05.785 --> 01:32:08.247
And if my thighs, my arms,
my back fat is hanging out,

1908
01:32:08.282 --> 01:32:10.051
I don't give a fuck.

1909
01:32:10.086 --> 01:32:13.758
Well, I do, so I try to...
I might just tuck it back in.

1910
01:32:13.793 --> 01:32:16.189
But apart from that,
I couldn't care less

1911
01:32:16.224 --> 01:32:20.699
because you need to see me
and you need to see more of me

1912
01:32:20.734 --> 01:32:21.909
and, preferably, you need to see

1913
01:32:21.933 --> 01:32:23.328
as much of me as possible

1914
01:32:23.363 --> 01:32:25.902
so that you recognize
and acknowledge

1915
01:32:25.937 --> 01:32:27.211
every other woman on this planet

1916
01:32:27.235 --> 01:32:29.037
that looks like me.

1917
01:32:31.679 --> 01:32:38.618
♪

1918
01:32:38.653 --> 01:32:40.983
The anti-diet movement
is getting a lot of traction,

1919
01:32:41.018 --> 01:32:44.723
it's growing, especially
in London and the UK.

1920
01:32:44.758 --> 01:32:49.123
♪

1921
01:33:05.977 --> 01:33:10.078
The Anti Diet Riot Club
is a community and platform

1922
01:33:10.113 --> 01:33:11.190
that tries to bring
people together

1923
01:33:11.214 --> 01:33:15.017
who have experienced
diet cycling, bad body image.

1924
01:33:15.052 --> 01:33:16.381
Maybe they have been in recovery

1925
01:33:16.416 --> 01:33:17.954
for eating disorders

1926
01:33:17.989 --> 01:33:19.791
or they experienced fat shaming.

1927
01:33:19.826 --> 01:33:21.826
And we create a space
for them to come together

1928
01:33:21.861 --> 01:33:24.125
and we learn from each other,
educate each other,

1929
01:33:24.160 --> 01:33:25.640
and inspire each other
to fight back

1930
01:33:25.667 --> 01:33:27.865
against diet culture.

1931
01:33:27.900 --> 01:33:30.263
Five, six, seven, go.

1932
01:33:30.298 --> 01:33:33.266
One, two, three, four...

1933
01:33:33.301 --> 01:33:37.743
♪

1934
01:33:37.778 --> 01:33:39.712
Over the course of a year,

1935
01:33:39.747 --> 01:33:42.209
what you've eaten
over two weeks of Christmas

1936
01:33:42.244 --> 01:33:44.046
really doesn't matter.

1937
01:33:44.081 --> 01:33:46.686
How many of you heard maybe
body positive community today?

1938
01:33:46.721 --> 01:33:48.050
Raise your hand.

1939
01:33:48.085 --> 01:33:49.865
Right, you've heard that
over and over again,

1940
01:33:49.889 --> 01:33:51.350
but how do we create community

1941
01:33:51.385 --> 01:33:53.825
if we don't ever talk
to each other?

1942
01:33:53.860 --> 01:33:56.355
It's not for other people
to make opinions

1943
01:33:56.390 --> 01:33:57.895
on your body.

1944
01:33:57.930 --> 01:33:59.864
You know, if you want
to touch yourself,

1945
01:33:59.899 --> 01:34:00.899
touch yourself.

1946
01:34:00.933 --> 01:34:03.065
Go do it, explore yourself.

1947
01:34:03.100 --> 01:34:05.298
Don't wait for a man to come up

1948
01:34:05.333 --> 01:34:07.674
and give you an orgasm.

1949
01:34:07.709 --> 01:34:09.841
Give yourself an orgasm first.

1950
01:34:09.876 --> 01:34:12.778
And years and years and years
of waiting

1951
01:34:12.813 --> 01:34:15.110
to be the right size,
waiting to be thin,

1952
01:34:15.145 --> 01:34:16.716
and then my life could begin,

1953
01:34:16.751 --> 01:34:18.355
then I could do
all these fabulous things,

1954
01:34:18.379 --> 01:34:21.754
then I could do all the things
I've ever dreamt of.

1955
01:34:21.789 --> 01:34:23.426
And I remember getting
into my thirties,

1956
01:34:23.450 --> 01:34:26.253
and I was like,
"God, is this it?

1957
01:34:26.288 --> 01:34:28.156
Have I got to keep waiting?

1958
01:34:28.191 --> 01:34:30.191
Because it's boring!"

1959
01:34:30.226 --> 01:34:33.359
So if you heard the phrase,
which was the entire room,

1960
01:34:33.394 --> 01:34:36.395
"act like a lady,"
what did that mean

1961
01:34:36.430 --> 01:34:41.202
when someone said that
or maybe you said it?

1962
01:34:41.237 --> 01:34:42.720
What did it mean
when someone said it?

1963
01:34:42.744 --> 01:34:43.974
Yes.

1964
01:34:45.439 --> 01:34:47.439
- Be quiet.
- Be quiet, good.

1965
01:34:47.474 --> 01:34:49.111
What else? Yeah, shout out.

1966
01:34:49.146 --> 01:34:51.476
- Inhibit yourself.
- Inhibit yourself, good.

1967
01:34:51.511 --> 01:34:53.181
- Sit nicely.
- Sit nicely.

1968
01:34:53.216 --> 01:34:55.018
Can you show me
what "sit nicely" looks like?

1969
01:34:57.022 --> 01:34:58.088
Yes.

1970
01:34:58.123 --> 01:35:01.321
And how would you describe
the body size of someone

1971
01:35:01.356 --> 01:35:02.487
that is a lady?

1972
01:35:02.522 --> 01:35:04.159
Small!

1973
01:35:04.194 --> 01:35:05.930
Skinny, small, thin.

1974
01:35:05.965 --> 01:35:08.801
- Slight.
- Slight. Is that British?

1975
01:35:11.069 --> 01:35:12.134
Slight.

1976
01:35:12.169 --> 01:35:14.741
So where does it come from?

1977
01:35:14.776 --> 01:35:16.105
Patriarchy. Where else?

1978
01:35:16.140 --> 01:35:18.140
- Colonialism.
- Okay, I'm coming back to that.

1979
01:35:18.175 --> 01:35:20.241
Yeah, white supremacy.

1980
01:35:20.276 --> 01:35:21.814
Y'all are too smart. What?

1981
01:35:21.849 --> 01:35:23.816
Toxic masculinity.

1982
01:35:23.851 --> 01:35:27.182
Toxic masculinity, good, yeah,
what else?

1983
01:35:27.217 --> 01:35:29.316
White supremacy,
capitalism, yeah.

1984
01:35:29.351 --> 01:35:31.230
People telling us things
that we all need to hear

1985
01:35:31.254 --> 01:35:32.265
and start talking about...

1986
01:35:32.289 --> 01:35:34.222
I feel like it's being
stretched right now,

1987
01:35:34.257 --> 01:35:38.325
because anybody is using
the term "body positivity"

1988
01:35:38.360 --> 01:35:41.933
to describe how they look
nowadays,

1989
01:35:41.968 --> 01:35:43.396
and it's not fair for the women

1990
01:35:43.431 --> 01:35:45.805
who are still being marginalized

1991
01:35:45.840 --> 01:35:48.500
because we're still fighting
to be seen

1992
01:35:48.535 --> 01:35:49.908
in mainstream media.

1993
01:35:52.341 --> 01:36:00.341
♪

1994
01:36:04.320 --> 01:36:07.156
Body positivity
is a political movement

1995
01:36:07.191 --> 01:36:10.423
that tries to celebrate people
with marginalized bodies

1996
01:36:10.458 --> 01:36:12.799
and gives them the space
to express themselves

1997
01:36:12.834 --> 01:36:15.494
and to feel beautiful
and to have their voice heard.

1998
01:36:15.529 --> 01:36:20.169
So, for fat and people
of color and disabled folks,

1999
01:36:20.204 --> 01:36:23.403
that's a really important
origin of body positivity,

2000
01:36:23.438 --> 01:36:25.350
and it's kind of become
a little bit watered down

2001
01:36:25.374 --> 01:36:27.209
in the way that brands
talk about themselves

2002
01:36:27.244 --> 01:36:28.914
as being body positive,
when they still

2003
01:36:28.949 --> 01:36:30.949
only really celebrate
or represent

2004
01:36:30.984 --> 01:36:33.985
quite restrictive type of body.

2005
01:36:45.493 --> 01:36:46.525
One, two, three.

2006
01:36:46.560 --> 01:36:49.297
Yeah!

2007
01:36:49.332 --> 01:36:51.970
In many ways, diet culture
is rebranding itself

2008
01:36:52.005 --> 01:36:54.599
and it's trying to appear
like it is for women,

2009
01:36:54.634 --> 01:36:56.271
such as Weight Watchers becoming

2010
01:36:56.306 --> 01:36:57.844
a new wellness initiative

2011
01:36:57.879 --> 01:37:01.243
or Special K
trying to bolster women

2012
01:37:01.278 --> 01:37:03.146
to energize them with food,

2013
01:37:03.181 --> 01:37:05.951
and it's that sneaky side of it,

2014
01:37:05.986 --> 01:37:08.217
where people think
that they are rebelling

2015
01:37:08.252 --> 01:37:10.087
against diet culture
all the while

2016
01:37:10.122 --> 01:37:13.860
reinforcing that their value
is based on the way they look.

2017
01:37:13.895 --> 01:37:16.456
Businesses can do a lot
to reduce

2018
01:37:16.491 --> 01:37:18.524
some of the toxicity
that they're putting out

2019
01:37:18.559 --> 01:37:20.999
because, obviously,
they have huge influence

2020
01:37:21.034 --> 01:37:23.837
in how people view themselves.

2021
01:37:27.139 --> 01:37:28.435
I miss you guys so much!

2022
01:37:28.470 --> 01:37:31.009
Um, if you want to make
a change in your life,

2023
01:37:31.044 --> 01:37:35.409
you have to be determined
to make that change.

2024
01:37:35.444 --> 01:37:38.082
You can't wait for, like,
New Year's to come around

2025
01:37:38.117 --> 01:37:39.250
because it doesn't work.

2026
01:37:39.285 --> 01:37:42.449
If you want to make a change,
you just got to make it.

2027
01:37:42.484 --> 01:37:45.287
Like a cake!

2028
01:37:45.322 --> 01:37:48.092
Like a cake, like a bloody cake!

2029
01:37:48.127 --> 01:37:49.236
What are you gonna do about it,

2030
01:37:49.260 --> 01:37:50.930
You know what I mean?

2031
01:37:52.461 --> 01:37:55.066
To be body positive
is to be inclusive

2032
01:37:55.101 --> 01:37:57.431
of every... every single body

2033
01:37:57.466 --> 01:38:00.236
because we all struggle
with insecurities. Why?

2034
01:38:00.271 --> 01:38:02.073
Because we're all governed
and controlled

2035
01:38:02.108 --> 01:38:04.570
and taught what to like
by the media,

2036
01:38:04.605 --> 01:38:06.242
which is not our friend.

2037
01:38:06.277 --> 01:38:08.244
Through social media,
we are changing things

2038
01:38:08.279 --> 01:38:11.313
and making it
so much more powerful.

2039
01:38:11.348 --> 01:38:12.413
♪

2040
01:38:12.448 --> 01:38:15.086
Another here!

2041
01:38:15.121 --> 01:38:16.560
I think the whole
non-diet movement

2042
01:38:16.584 --> 01:38:18.188
is really, really growing.

2043
01:38:18.223 --> 01:38:20.025
I think it's going to grow
in popularity

2044
01:38:20.060 --> 01:38:21.653
over the next couple of years.

2045
01:38:21.688 --> 01:38:24.931
I do think there will be
a backlash to that

2046
01:38:24.966 --> 01:38:26.229
by the diet industry

2047
01:38:26.264 --> 01:38:28.099
because it's such
a huge industry

2048
01:38:28.134 --> 01:38:32.565
and because people are still
very attached to this idea

2049
01:38:32.600 --> 01:38:35.337
that being thin is better,

2050
01:38:35.372 --> 01:38:37.108
and there's gonna be a backlash

2051
01:38:37.143 --> 01:38:38.615
in the sense that people
will be so reluctant

2052
01:38:38.639 --> 01:38:41.541
to let that go that
they will double down on that.

2053
01:38:51.322 --> 01:38:53.553
Personally, dream life

2054
01:38:53.588 --> 01:38:57.095
is that bodies
are completely irrelevant,

2055
01:38:57.130 --> 01:38:59.999
that we can just acknowledge
that we all have this thing

2056
01:39:00.034 --> 01:39:05.466
that we're somehow blind to it,
that we just...

2057
01:39:05.501 --> 01:39:07.699
I mean, who we are as people
is all that's relevant.

2058
01:39:07.734 --> 01:39:09.536
That's how it feels to me

2059
01:39:09.571 --> 01:39:12.506
is that who I am as a person
and my actions

2060
01:39:12.541 --> 01:39:14.607
and my authenticity,

2061
01:39:14.642 --> 01:39:17.049
that's what's valuable about me.

2062
01:39:17.084 --> 01:39:20.382
My body is entirely irrelevant.

2063
01:39:30.196 --> 01:39:32.427
Hi!

2064
01:39:32.462 --> 01:39:36.134
- Oh, it's so good to meet you.
- So good to meet you too.

2065
01:39:36.169 --> 01:39:38.268
- Are you excited today?
- I'm so excited.

2066
01:39:38.303 --> 01:39:40.072
I can't wait to get shooting.

2067
01:39:40.107 --> 01:39:43.537
Oh, I'm feeling exposed.

2068
01:39:43.572 --> 01:39:45.242
Nice to meet you
completely naked.

2069
01:39:45.277 --> 01:39:47.475
Yes, you too, great, great body.

2070
01:39:47.510 --> 01:39:49.279
Thanks, babe, and to you.

2071
01:39:49.314 --> 01:39:51.479
Girl, thank you.

2072
01:39:51.514 --> 01:39:53.184
I've been working out, you know,

2073
01:39:53.219 --> 01:39:56.682
eating a couple less muffins.

2074
01:39:56.717 --> 01:39:58.684
It's really important
to think about things

2075
01:39:58.719 --> 01:40:01.654
like race, class, social status

2076
01:40:01.689 --> 01:40:03.128
when we're thinking about bodies

2077
01:40:03.163 --> 01:40:04.096
and understanding bodies

2078
01:40:04.131 --> 01:40:06.428
because we can't get away
from the fact

2079
01:40:06.463 --> 01:40:08.067
that bodies are political,

2080
01:40:08.102 --> 01:40:11.433
how we view bodies in society
are political,

2081
01:40:11.468 --> 01:40:13.699
are socially informed.

2082
01:40:16.209 --> 01:40:21.080
I'm already a bottle deep,
just to be clear.

2083
01:40:21.115 --> 01:40:23.577
I'm only having so much fun
exploring my body

2084
01:40:23.612 --> 01:40:25.810
because I'm doing it
on my own terms.

2085
01:40:25.845 --> 01:40:27.713
I can't listen to my mom
anymore.

2086
01:40:27.748 --> 01:40:29.363
I don't speak to her,
but I can't listen

2087
01:40:29.387 --> 01:40:32.157
to that voice
that is the voice of my mother.

2088
01:40:32.192 --> 01:40:34.291
I can't listen to friends
and other people

2089
01:40:34.326 --> 01:40:36.590
because they have had
different experiences.

2090
01:40:36.625 --> 01:40:40.792
The only person
who I can listen to is me.

2091
01:40:48.835 --> 01:40:54.080
♪

2092
01:40:54.115 --> 01:40:55.708
I have... I'll have weeks

2093
01:40:55.743 --> 01:40:59.415
where I just eat takeout

2094
01:40:59.450 --> 01:41:02.352
and I'm just... I've just got
a hectic week

2095
01:41:02.387 --> 01:41:04.849
and I've just got to grab
something quick.

2096
01:41:04.884 --> 01:41:08.622
But, like, you know, like
we're all "burning calories,"

2097
01:41:08.657 --> 01:41:13.627
like food is fuel,
and if you're moving,

2098
01:41:13.662 --> 01:41:15.563
whatever you're doing,

2099
01:41:15.598 --> 01:41:18.467
you need that fuel
to keep you going.

2100
01:41:18.502 --> 01:41:20.832
Just eat, like...

2101
01:41:20.867 --> 01:41:23.538
♪

2102
01:41:23.573 --> 01:41:25.573
If I feel good, I eat.

2103
01:41:25.608 --> 01:41:28.576
If I don't feel good, I eat.

2104
01:41:28.611 --> 01:41:31.546
Like, it varies, sometimes
I have a very balanced diet,

2105
01:41:31.581 --> 01:41:34.252
sometimes I don't
like everybody else.

2106
01:41:34.287 --> 01:41:39.224
So it all depends on my mood,
how I'm feeling,

2107
01:41:39.259 --> 01:41:40.753
if I'm going hard in the gym,

2108
01:41:40.788 --> 01:41:42.887
if I'm not going hard
in the gym.

2109
01:41:42.922 --> 01:41:46.792
I think in terms
of like emotions I will eat,

2110
01:41:46.827 --> 01:41:50.301
but I do always try
to make a conscious effort

2111
01:41:50.336 --> 01:41:53.898
to mind what I eat,
but I do like a cake.

2112
01:41:53.933 --> 01:41:54.866
I do like cake.

2113
01:41:54.901 --> 01:41:56.505
It's my favorite thing.

2114
01:41:59.411 --> 01:42:02.412
We can find our baseline
or a set point weight

2115
01:42:02.447 --> 01:42:03.908
which, by the way, fluctuates.

2116
01:42:03.943 --> 01:42:07.186
It's not actually a number,
it's a range.

2117
01:42:07.221 --> 01:42:08.847
And we can find that
by re-engaging

2118
01:42:08.882 --> 01:42:12.323
with our body signals,
and there's no way of knowing

2119
01:42:12.358 --> 01:42:15.755
what your set point weight
is until you're there.

2120
01:42:19.365 --> 01:42:21.365
Oi! Oi!

2121
01:42:23.798 --> 01:42:27.272
♪

2122
01:42:27.307 --> 01:42:29.472
One thing I love to measure
as success in my clients

2123
01:42:29.507 --> 01:42:32.178
is how do they feel
mentally and physically?

2124
01:42:32.213 --> 01:42:33.542
What are
their energy levels like

2125
01:42:33.577 --> 01:42:34.774
on a day-to-day basis?

2126
01:42:34.809 --> 01:42:36.611
How well are they sleeping?

2127
01:42:36.646 --> 01:42:39.251
How's their relationship
to their family?

2128
01:42:39.286 --> 01:42:41.616
How's their relationship
with food?

2129
01:42:41.651 --> 01:42:44.817
Those, to me, seem far more
powerful indicators

2130
01:42:44.852 --> 01:42:48.227
of what health is
than ever just being,

2131
01:42:48.262 --> 01:42:50.757
"Oh, look how lean I am,"
or, "Look how, you know,

2132
01:42:50.792 --> 01:42:51.758
you can see my six-pack,

2133
01:42:51.793 --> 01:42:53.364
or, "Look how big my arms are."

2134
01:42:53.399 --> 01:42:55.366
Those things are all
very superficial.

2135
01:42:55.401 --> 01:42:57.500
- In the morning.
- Are you?

2136
01:42:57.535 --> 01:42:58.435
Woo-hoo-hoo!

2137
01:42:58.470 --> 01:43:03.671
♪

2138
01:43:03.706 --> 01:43:06.905
So I would say now my diet
is incredibly varied.

2139
01:43:06.940 --> 01:43:08.940
I have no food rules.

2140
01:43:08.975 --> 01:43:11.448
There are no good foods,
there are no bad foods,

2141
01:43:11.483 --> 01:43:15.287
there are no foods
I can or cannot eat.

2142
01:43:15.322 --> 01:43:18.224
That has been
utterly liberating for me.

2143
01:43:18.259 --> 01:43:20.589
And based on how I feel now,

2144
01:43:20.624 --> 01:43:22.987
that's how I educate my clients

2145
01:43:23.022 --> 01:43:25.660
and educate my followers
on social media platforms

2146
01:43:25.695 --> 01:43:29.433
to apply those same principles.

2147
01:43:29.468 --> 01:43:31.732
Okay.

2148
01:43:35.441 --> 01:43:40.543
♪

2149
01:43:40.578 --> 01:43:43.546
So, some people,
they'll come into treatment

2150
01:43:43.581 --> 01:43:48.386
and they will say,
"Maybe, maybe, you know,

2151
01:43:48.421 --> 01:43:49.882
I just didn't try hard enough,

2152
01:43:49.917 --> 01:43:53.017
and actually, if I put
everything I know together

2153
01:43:53.052 --> 01:43:55.426
and do it one more time,
then it will just be easier,"

2154
01:43:55.461 --> 01:43:58.693
but that, again,
is part of that fear

2155
01:43:58.728 --> 01:44:03.302
of giving up this promise
that we clung to for so long

2156
01:44:03.337 --> 01:44:05.029
about a quick fix
or an easier way out

2157
01:44:05.064 --> 01:44:08.439
than going into the deep,

2158
01:44:08.474 --> 01:44:11.508
messy, painful, emotional stuff.

2159
01:44:11.543 --> 01:44:14.038
And, sometimes, you know,
sometimes people just need

2160
01:44:14.073 --> 01:44:16.414
to be disappointed, you know,

2161
01:44:16.449 --> 01:44:18.449
they need to try
that one last diet

2162
01:44:18.484 --> 01:44:20.011
and see that
it still hasn't worked

2163
01:44:20.046 --> 01:44:22.288
and it still doesn't
change anything

2164
01:44:22.323 --> 01:44:25.390
for them to come back and say,
"Okay, I'm done.

2165
01:44:25.425 --> 01:44:27.018
I'm divorcing diets,

2166
01:44:27.053 --> 01:44:28.657
and I'm ready to start
my new life

2167
01:44:28.692 --> 01:44:31.495
and my new relationship
with myself."

2168
01:44:31.530 --> 01:44:36.027
♪

2169
01:44:36.062 --> 01:44:37.534
I think it's also
really important

2170
01:44:37.569 --> 01:44:39.635
to keep your own
family dynamics going,

2171
01:44:39.670 --> 01:44:43.804
because it's very damaging
to family relationships.

2172
01:44:43.839 --> 01:44:49.073
And I've taken up every course
in town

2173
01:44:49.108 --> 01:44:51.779
and I learned a lot.

2174
01:44:51.814 --> 01:44:54.815
Sometimes you have to learn
the hard way.

2175
01:44:54.850 --> 01:44:58.555
But it's been
a very long journey.

2176
01:44:58.590 --> 01:45:01.393
♪

2177
01:45:01.428 --> 01:45:05.991
But... but now it does feel
so much better, and...

2178
01:45:06.026 --> 01:45:07.894
♪

2179
01:45:07.929 --> 01:45:11.733
I'm incredibly proud of...

2180
01:45:11.768 --> 01:45:15.869
of what Hannah does every day.

2181
01:45:15.904 --> 01:45:20.940
And I kind of know that she'll
get there on her own now.

2182
01:45:20.975 --> 01:45:28.975
♪

2183
01:45:34.153 --> 01:45:36.527
♪

2184
01:45:36.562 --> 01:45:40.025
For me, more than anti-diet,
more than anything else,

2185
01:45:40.060 --> 01:45:44.832
the key to finding
some sense of healing

2186
01:45:44.867 --> 01:45:46.669
has been through compassion,

2187
01:45:46.704 --> 01:45:49.771
non-judgmental compassion
and kindness.

2188
01:45:49.806 --> 01:45:52.675
I mean it's pretty incredible
the extremes

2189
01:45:52.710 --> 01:45:55.711
that my body's been through
and, yet, here it is,

2190
01:45:55.746 --> 01:45:57.647
I'm still surviving.

2191
01:45:57.682 --> 01:46:00.078
So, you know,
I just have to take

2192
01:46:00.113 --> 01:46:01.783
what I can be grateful for,

2193
01:46:01.818 --> 01:46:03.785
acknowledge the days
that are really difficult

2194
01:46:03.820 --> 01:46:06.656
and just, you know,
keep moving on.

2195
01:46:06.691 --> 01:46:09.989
♪

2196
01:46:10.024 --> 01:46:11.661
I think that the fact
that my family

2197
01:46:11.696 --> 01:46:15.126
never gave up hope
that things could be different

2198
01:46:15.161 --> 01:46:17.029
is the reason why I'm here today

2199
01:46:17.064 --> 01:46:21.935
because had they not,
had they not believed in me,

2200
01:46:21.970 --> 01:46:24.069
I wouldn't... I didn't
believe in myself,

2201
01:46:24.104 --> 01:46:25.873
so I needed my family,

2202
01:46:25.908 --> 01:46:28.810
and I had some
really great friends as well

2203
01:46:28.845 --> 01:46:31.483
who always told me
that things could be different

2204
01:46:31.518 --> 01:46:34.013
and that it didn't
have to be that way,

2205
01:46:34.048 --> 01:46:36.422
and I think because of that...

2206
01:46:36.457 --> 01:46:37.687
♪

2207
01:46:37.722 --> 01:46:39.117
I am here now.

2208
01:46:39.152 --> 01:46:43.594
♪

2209
01:46:43.629 --> 01:46:46.465
I started to realize
that even though

2210
01:46:46.500 --> 01:46:48.632
I have been through a lot
and the trauma is deep,

2211
01:46:48.667 --> 01:46:49.897
I don't like pity parties.

2212
01:46:49.932 --> 01:46:51.096
Then, I tried to see, well,

2213
01:46:51.131 --> 01:46:52.867
everyone's been through
some stuff.

2214
01:46:52.902 --> 01:46:54.506
Everyone's got trauma,

2215
01:46:54.541 --> 01:46:56.541
everyone's family lives
haven't been perfect,

2216
01:46:56.576 --> 01:46:58.180
everyone struggles
with their eating habits,

2217
01:46:58.204 --> 01:46:59.940
everyone struggles
with their insecurities

2218
01:46:59.975 --> 01:47:01.711
and their appearance, okay.

2219
01:47:01.746 --> 01:47:04.813
So if I'm getting this healing

2220
01:47:04.848 --> 01:47:07.486
and I feel like I've been
at the bottom of the heap,

2221
01:47:07.521 --> 01:47:10.181
there's no way that everyone
can't get it themselves

2222
01:47:10.216 --> 01:47:13.525
because we have all been
underestimated

2223
01:47:13.560 --> 01:47:16.528
in some way, shape, or form.

2224
01:47:16.563 --> 01:47:18.156
And to be underestimated

2225
01:47:18.191 --> 01:47:20.598
is one of the greatest
vantage points,

2226
01:47:20.633 --> 01:47:22.534
because no one
is looking at you,

2227
01:47:22.569 --> 01:47:26.098
so you take your time,
you observe, and like me,

2228
01:47:26.133 --> 01:47:29.541
you ride in
on a chariot of fire.

2229
01:47:29.576 --> 01:47:31.708
If I can put this body out there

2230
01:47:31.743 --> 01:47:35.206
that has been violated publicly
and in private,

2231
01:47:35.241 --> 01:47:38.011
that I have violated myself
sometimes

2232
01:47:38.046 --> 01:47:40.519
and my self-harm
and the issues that I have,

2233
01:47:40.554 --> 01:47:43.621
if this can reach
any amount of love,

2234
01:47:43.656 --> 01:47:46.624
if this can get on stage
at Glastonbury...

2235
01:47:51.763 --> 01:47:53.499
♪

2236
01:47:53.534 --> 01:47:57.030
If I can, then, yeah,
I will wave this flag,

2237
01:47:57.065 --> 01:47:59.736
scream on the top
of rooftops and shout

2238
01:47:59.771 --> 01:48:01.870
and be that champion
for everyone else,

2239
01:48:01.905 --> 01:48:05.742
because I can't keep
this happiness to myself.

2240
01:48:05.777 --> 01:48:08.613
Nah, that'd be too selfish.

2241
01:48:08.648 --> 01:48:10.648
You get a bag! You get a bag!

2242
01:48:10.683 --> 01:48:13.046
You get... you know,
everyone gets a piece of it.

2243
01:48:15.688 --> 01:48:18.051
♪

2244
01:48:18.086 --> 01:48:20.658
So I'm hoping
that we get to a point

2245
01:48:20.693 --> 01:48:24.123
where this topic
is talked about so frequently

2246
01:48:24.158 --> 01:48:27.258
that it becomes normal
to talk about it and it's okay

2247
01:48:27.293 --> 01:48:30.096
and it becomes normal to say,
"Yeah, I have a problem

2248
01:48:30.131 --> 01:48:32.032
with my relationship with food.

2249
01:48:32.067 --> 01:48:34.606
I would like it to improve."

2250
01:48:34.641 --> 01:48:35.641
♪

2251
01:48:35.675 --> 01:48:37.642
It becomes normal to say,

2252
01:48:37.677 --> 01:48:40.040
"Yeah, I'm afraid of being fat,

2253
01:48:40.075 --> 01:48:42.207
and I'd like to work out
whether that fear

2254
01:48:42.242 --> 01:48:45.012
is coming from a real place."

2255
01:48:45.047 --> 01:48:46.717
We don't all need
to change overnight,

2256
01:48:46.752 --> 01:48:49.247
but we need to be willing
to talk about it.

2257
01:48:49.282 --> 01:48:57.282
♪

2258
01:49:19.719 --> 01:49:22.115
Unsubscribe from...

2259
01:49:22.150 --> 01:49:23.952
From the thin ideal.

2260
01:49:23.987 --> 01:49:26.757
Other people's expectations
of you.

2261
01:49:26.792 --> 01:49:29.925
Unsubscribe from social media.

2262
01:49:29.960 --> 01:49:31.157
♪

2263
01:49:31.192 --> 01:49:32.796
From women's magazines.

2264
01:49:32.831 --> 01:49:34.325
Food guilt.

2265
01:49:34.360 --> 01:49:37.801
Unsubscribe from...

2266
01:49:37.836 --> 01:49:42.069
From the idea
that fat equals unhealthy.

2267
01:49:42.104 --> 01:49:44.236
Conformity.

2268
01:49:44.271 --> 01:49:47.811
Unsubscribe from...

2269
01:49:47.846 --> 01:49:49.142
♪

2270
01:49:49.177 --> 01:49:51.716
Hang on, I'm gonna think
about that for a second.

2271
01:49:51.751 --> 01:49:53.652
Unsubscribe from accounts
on social media

2272
01:49:53.687 --> 01:49:55.984
that you make you feel bad
about yourself.

2273
01:49:56.019 --> 01:49:57.348
Punishing your body.

2274
01:49:57.383 --> 01:50:00.989
Society's standard of beauty.

2275
01:50:01.024 --> 01:50:04.663
From white supremacy
and fatphobia.

2276
01:50:04.698 --> 01:50:06.929
Unsubscribe from the voice
in your head

2277
01:50:06.964 --> 01:50:10.933
that wasn't yours
in the first place.

2278
01:50:10.968 --> 01:50:15.168
How about just unsubscribe
from self-loathing?

2279
01:50:15.203 --> 01:50:17.973
Instagram accounts
that don't back up claims

2280
01:50:18.008 --> 01:50:20.943
with evidence
like the Medical Medium,

2281
01:50:20.978 --> 01:50:23.407
anything that promotes
celery juice,

2282
01:50:23.442 --> 01:50:26.685
and anything that makes you
feel bad in your person

2283
01:50:26.720 --> 01:50:29.919
or body or health status.

2284
01:50:29.954 --> 01:50:34.121
Being pressured by diet culture.

2285
01:50:34.156 --> 01:50:42.156
♪