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[water rushes]
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[Scott] When you're standing
on top of a rapid,
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everything's theoretical.
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You're imagining every movement.
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Every current.
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Every stroke.
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And you still know full well
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that even though you've done
all of this work
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to prepare for that one moment,
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that it could still all go wrong.
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[chanting]
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When I walked away from kayaking,
initially, it was...
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three months, and I'll be good as new
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and I'll be right back at it.
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It wasn't like I was planning
to walk away from kayaking forever.
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But once I wrapped my head
around the type of surgery
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I was about to have,
there were no guarantees.
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I had dedicated my life to running
the most dangerous rivers in the world.
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But this time, it was different.
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It was at that moment I knew
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I was about to run the scariest rapid
of my life.
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And it was all in my head.
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This is Today with David Bloom.
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[David] Guys, good morning.
Congratulations.
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-[Scott] Thank you.
-[Johnnie] Thanks.
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Scott, I mean, you are, we said,
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a world-class kayaker.
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But even you kind of went,
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"Gulp, I can't believe
that we're gonna do this."
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Why do people call this
the Mount Everest of rivers?
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[man] In the annals of adventure,
this first descent
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will be remembered as one
of the most accomplished expeditions
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of our time.
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Scott, what's next for you?
I mean, you're 30 now.
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So what's the next big adventure?
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Well, for me, there's a place
in western Tibet.
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It's called Mount Kailash.
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And there are four rivers
that come from this one peak.
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And they flow
in the four cardinal directions.
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And that would be completing
the four biggest rivers in the Himalayas.
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You don't recommend this
to any novice kayakers.
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This is something
that's just such a challenge.
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No, this is for somebody
that's completely laser-focused,
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and has made the commitment
to, you know, running big rivers.
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My earliest memory is probably this boat.
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My dad was into drag boats.
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And he would start the thing up,
and it would just shake the whole house.
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My dad was wild back then.
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We didn't live near the mountains.
We didn't live near the ocean.
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We grew up in hot valleys,
San Bernardino, Fresno, Sacramento.
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We're true valley kids.
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The boys, I'm gonna speak
about both of them,
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'cause one goes with the other almost.
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The brothers were very close.
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I believe that healthy children
were active children,
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and meant no doctor bills.
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Early years were fun. Really fun.
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And then, their dad and I got a divorce.
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For many years,
I've kind of regretted that, you know?
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I felt that we should have stuck it out.
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But it wasn't to be, you know.
It wasn't gonna happen.
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[Scott] My mom had just lost her job,
and she had decided to go back to school.
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At that point, we were living
off of student loans.
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And my dad was like a traveling salesman.
He just wasn't in the picture.
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We were living in San Bernardino,
and the neighborhood that we grew up in
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was definitely rough.
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Our home was very safe.
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But you walk out the front door,
and two blocks down,
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it was a completely different world.
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There were street hookers on the corner.
There were drug dealers.
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There were kids carrying weapons
to school.
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[Dustin] At the time,
there was really one way, in our mind,
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to climb the ladder
in getting any sort of respect,
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and that was through being physical,
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and getting into a fight
to prove yourself.
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[Scott] If somebody challenged us,
that was it.
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We would just pull the shirt off
and start throwing blows.
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We were heavily picked on, especially me.
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I was walking home from a friend's house,
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and I got in a fight with a couple kids.
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And one of the kids stabbed me
in the shoulder.
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And, fortunately, I was faster
than both the other kids,
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and I literally just outran them.
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I remember running in the front door
and telling my brother I just got stabbed.
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[Dustin] I remember him and I talking
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about how we were gonna keep it
from my mom.
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And he wanted to make sure
that I wasn't gonna say anything.
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[Scott] And we knew that the more we kept
from our parents,
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the less stress it put on them.
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It was like, "Okay, let's bury this thing.
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Let's not have a conversation
ever again about it."
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There were things that throughout our,
you know, childhood,
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whether it was getting suspended
from school,
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or Scott getting arrested
for stupid stuff,
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it kind of created some negatives
in our character.
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[Mary] We lost the house.
I was out of money.
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One of those, you know?
We were at the end.
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It was time to get Scott and Dustin
out of San Bernardino.
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[Dustin] And so then,
my mom got out of college,
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and we moved to the Sacramento Valley,
to Rocklin/Roseville area.
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And that's when things kind of
mellowed out a little bit.
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[Scott] Our next-door neighbor at the time
was the Stanley family.
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They lived real close
to Mary and the boys.
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And got them into rafting.
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[Dustin] As soon as school got out,
we would head to the river.
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We'd head to the mountains.
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Did things that Scott and I
had never experienced.
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And I think that we saw that
as an opportunity.
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[Scott] Doug, the oldest brother,
was running this rafting guide school.
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And he really presented the idea
that there was something more to life
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than partying, getting in fights,
and doing illegal shit.
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[Mary] Dustin and Scott both went through
their guide school,
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and became river guides.
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And they worked summers doing that.
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That's when I was like,
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"Wow, this is something that is really
singing to my heart."
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[men cheer]
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♪ 'Cause I can't let go ♪
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♪ It's the greatest thrill
I've ever known ♪
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♪ I'm not sure there's somethin' more
There's no tellin' what's in store ♪
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♪ Now I can't let go ♪
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When you're a river guide,
you're responsible for people's lives.
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And that all of a sudden gave my brother
and I both a whole new outlook on life.
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We went from up to no good
to, all of a sudden,
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being in the outdoors
with a huge amount of responsibility.
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[Mary] I really wanted them
to follow their dreams
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and their own path
and do what they wanted to do.
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And I knew they were good
at whatever they did.
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All I could see was him being up
on the riverbank,
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you know, sleeping in a sleeping bag,
and what future was there in that?
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I couldn't see a profession.
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And it wasn't until I went with him
on the Colorado river.
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♪ I'm out the door for somethin' more ♪
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♪ There's no telling what's in store ♪
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♪ Now I can't let go ♪
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I was overwhelmed.
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It was an amazing trip, for me.
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I knew. That's when I knew.
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[Scott] The river enlightened
both my brother and I.
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It channeled an energy that we had in us
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that we were using in a negative way,
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to a positive way.
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And there was nothing else in life
I wanted to do,
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other than travel down a river
at that point. I was sold.
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Hook, line, and sinker.
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When I first was exposed to kayaking,
it was actually through rafting.
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And I remember it being described to me
through a friend of mine.
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And he's like, "This rafting stuff,
it's kind of like driving a bus.
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But kayaking is like driving a sports car.
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You want to be driving the sports car."
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And I was like, "Yes, I do."
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For somebody that knows nothing
about kayaking,
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rapids in a river are essentially
made up of waves, holes,
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rocks, and currents.
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If you don't avoid some of these features,
you can get stuck.
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You can get flipped over in your kayak.
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And if you can't roll the kayak,
that can cause a swim.
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And then, you're at the mercy
of the river.
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Kayaks give you this incredible
opportunity to navigate down a river,
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unlike any other watercraft.
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I got in the kayak,
and I struggled a bunch at first.
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But that was my first real extended period
of time in a kayak.
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And I came off of that,
and I had a decision to make.
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Whether to go to college
or do this river guiding, kayaking thing.
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And I decided to do the latter.
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And that spring,
when I finished up guiding,
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I loaded up my kayak
and drove to Banks, Idaho.
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And then, boom.
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I was paddling North Fork
at the Payette every day.
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The North Fork, at that time,
was the place to be.
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You know, that's when I met
Charlie Munsey.
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At that time,
Charlie was king of the North Fork.
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North Fork at the Payette.
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I got them to put that
on my driver's license,
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and probably made, I don't know,
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700 or 800 descents down the North Fork
at different levels.
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Scott Lindgren showed up in Idaho,
drove up in a Toyota
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that looked like it had
a couple million miles on it.
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Definitely had a little bit of a chip
on his shoulder.
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And he was very motivated to kayak.
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[Scott] Charlie and I
connected immediately.
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[Charlie] It was just
kind of a natural fit.
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I was four or five years older,
and he had some natural ability.
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I always felt really comfortable
having Scott out there with me.
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I knew I had a solid partner,
and I could count on him.
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In the early '90s,
I went over to Nepal once,
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and did nine or ten rivers.
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So I talked Scott into
going over there with me.
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[Scott] And that was all he needed
to say to me.
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I was just like, "Yeah,
I'll save all my money that I make here,
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and we'll go to Asia."
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[Mary] He was barely out of school
when he went to Nepal.
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And that was hard to let him go.
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He's very focused, and it became his life.
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[Scott] That's when I realized that
kayaking wasn't just something
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that happened in California,
and in Idaho and in the U.S.
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It was being practiced all over the world.
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I was still super young, you know.
I'm 20 years old at this time.
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I was a kid.
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[Charlie] We always tried to do the things
that hadn't been done before,
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so that brought an extra element.
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And--
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[Craig] I had heard that there was
this sacred mountain called Kailash.
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[Charlie] Kailash is way out
in western Tibet.
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And for 5,000 plus years,
people had been writing about
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how these four great rivers
of the Himalayas and Karakoram
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drained from its glaciers.
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[Scott] Once we started to learn
about the mythical lore of Kailash,
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the direction for me
became really apparent.
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I'm gonna drop everything in my life.
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I'm just going to go as hard
as I possibly can
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to get myself in the best shape
to run all the four rivers.
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[Charlie] And that was really
the start of the dream.
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[Scott] When I came home
from that first year in Nepal,
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it was that style of expedition kayaking
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that really set the precedent
early on for California.
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That next spring, I bought this cheap,
little Hi8 video camera,
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and that's when I met John
and Willie Kern
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and Chuck for the first time.
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[Willie] It doesn't matter
whether you're a kayaker,
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if your essence started on
or near a river,
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there's kind of this implied humility,
there's a sense of place,
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there's like a camaraderie.
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Back in the day,
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there just weren't
that many people doing it.
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When you saw a kayaker,
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it was an enthusiastic time.
When you ended up at a river
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where there were other kayakers,
you found your family.
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[Johnnie] As soon as we met Scott,
we brought our game,
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00:16:16.725 --> 00:16:18.143 line:5%
he brought his game,
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00:16:18.227 --> 00:16:20.646 line:5%
he's a natural leader,
there's no question.
234
00:16:21.271 --> 00:16:23.857
[Willie] Scott really gave back
to the group with this idea, he's like,
235
00:16:23.941 --> 00:16:27.319
"I'm gonna stick a camera between my legs.
I'm gonna carry this thing downriver."
236
00:16:27.403 --> 00:16:29.363
You know, Johnnie had a still camera,
237
00:16:29.446 --> 00:16:31.615
and Chuck definitely
incited something else.
238
00:16:32.157 --> 00:16:34.660
[Scott] Chuck was the standout.
239
00:16:34.743 --> 00:16:37.830
He absolutely was the driving force
for all of us.
240
00:16:38.455 --> 00:16:41.583
There was nobody better
in the world at that time,
241
00:16:41.917 --> 00:16:44.962
and it kind of felt like we were along
for the ride.
242
00:16:45.045 --> 00:16:47.047
[Scott] You guys can't make him laugh.
243
00:16:47.798 --> 00:16:50.217 line:5%
Kayaking with Willie
and Johnnie, you know.
244
00:16:50.300 --> 00:16:51.802
They're my two best friends too.
245
00:16:51.885 --> 00:16:55.681 line:5%
Kayaking with those guys is,
that's one of the goals right there.
246
00:16:55.764 --> 00:16:58.767
And it automatically
brings the energy level up.
247
00:16:58.851 --> 00:17:01.729
Makes you feel a lot better at the top
of the drop when you look down
248
00:17:01.812 --> 00:17:04.815
and see both of your brothers
down there smiling in the eddy.
249
00:17:05.357 --> 00:17:07.943
For me, my role became like
I'm the guy without a camera.
250
00:17:08.027 --> 00:17:10.487
I'm not thinking about that.
I'm thinking about the group,
251
00:17:10.571 --> 00:17:11.780
and wear safety, and what's going on.
252
00:17:11.864 --> 00:17:15.200
And so we all kind of established
our places on the river.
253
00:17:15.284 --> 00:17:18.078
[Dustin] And we started firing as a team.
254
00:17:25.252 --> 00:17:29.590
[Scott] It was an eclectic group of kids
from all over the world,
255
00:17:29.673 --> 00:17:32.176
and we all were just, for whatever reason,
256
00:17:32.259 --> 00:17:34.178
seeing it all at the same time.
257
00:17:34.261 --> 00:17:35.971
[Willie] There was a base of knowledge,
258
00:17:36.055 --> 00:17:39.850
but there was a lot of room
to expand on that knowledge.
259
00:17:40.476 --> 00:17:45.022
I truly believe that was the turning point
in what was possible in a kayak,
260
00:17:45.105 --> 00:17:48.192
because of the equipment,
and because of my brother's movies.
261
00:17:48.275 --> 00:17:51.236
We'd go back and look
at his little video camera footage,
262
00:17:51.320 --> 00:17:53.739
and like no one's ever documented
stuff like this.
263
00:17:53.822 --> 00:17:56.158
And then, we were like,
"Let's start a production company
264
00:17:56.241 --> 00:17:57.618
and see where it takes us."
265
00:17:58.827 --> 00:18:00.788
And there was just opportunity everywhere.
266
00:18:01.205 --> 00:18:05.501
♪ If I fall back down
You're gonna help me back up again ♪
267
00:18:05.584 --> 00:18:07.503
♪ If I fall back down... ♪
268
00:18:08.462 --> 00:18:11.465
[Scott] And for the first time
in kayaking history, really,
269
00:18:11.548 --> 00:18:17.513
you had a group of people,
their sole focus was to kayak.
270
00:18:17.596 --> 00:18:18.472
That was it.
271
00:18:18.555 --> 00:18:20.474 line:5%
[Todd] I literally remember going,
272
00:18:20.557 --> 00:18:23.519 line:5%
"Well, how can you make money doing that?"
273
00:18:24.561 --> 00:18:27.231
[Knapp] We'd watched some of the other
extreme kayaking films
274
00:18:27.314 --> 00:18:28.857 line:5%
and there wasn't that much out there.
275
00:18:28.941 --> 00:18:30.442 line:5%
There was Southern Fried Creekin'.
276
00:18:39.284 --> 00:18:40.160
Uh...
277
00:18:40.244 --> 00:18:43.205
now, let's see, what would you do
in a situation like this?
278
00:18:43.747 --> 00:18:47.417
That's how you could do that.
You can start making kayaking films.
279
00:18:47.835 --> 00:18:51.296
Their filmmaking started
with Good 2 the Last Drop.
280
00:18:51.380 --> 00:18:52.840
Fucking awesome film.
281
00:18:53.757 --> 00:18:57.553
♪ If I fall back down
You're gonna help me back up again ♪
282
00:18:58.428 --> 00:19:02.558
♪ If I fall back down
You're gonna be my friend ♪
283
00:19:03.392 --> 00:19:06.019
Fuck, that was so good.
Did you guys ever see that?
284
00:19:06.103 --> 00:19:09.439
[Dustin] As cheesy as those
very first movies were,
285
00:19:09.523 --> 00:19:12.651
at the time, they were mind-blowing
to the white-water world.
286
00:19:13.610 --> 00:19:16.572 line:5%
[Scott] And that was the beginning
of Driftwood Productions.
287
00:19:17.281 --> 00:19:21.410
[Dustin] I went from being a river guide
to shooting kayaking for my brother.
288
00:19:21.493 --> 00:19:23.787
He realized the better he got
at using cameras,
289
00:19:24.204 --> 00:19:25.789
and winning things like his Emmy
290
00:19:25.873 --> 00:19:28.000
were avenues for him
to get bigger budgets,
291
00:19:28.083 --> 00:19:30.210
which led to going on bigger trips.
292
00:19:30.294 --> 00:19:33.547
It was exciting to be their mom. [laughs]
293
00:19:34.423 --> 00:19:36.341
They were becoming quite well known.
294
00:19:36.675 --> 00:19:39.386
We were in the right place
at the right time doing the right thing.
295
00:19:40.304 --> 00:19:43.473 line:5%
And kayaking was blowing up.
296
00:19:50.355 --> 00:19:51.773
[Dustin] Come on, Scott.
297
00:19:56.195 --> 00:19:58.030
Woo-hoo!
298
00:19:58.780 --> 00:20:00.324
-Yeah!
-You saw it?
299
00:20:00.407 --> 00:20:01.450
That was sick.
300
00:20:03.577 --> 00:20:05.495
[Willie] That was a really happy time,
you know?
301
00:20:05.579 --> 00:20:07.581
Everything was sort of right in the world.
302
00:20:07.664 --> 00:20:08.790
We had wings.
303
00:20:08.874 --> 00:20:09.708
[men yell]
304
00:20:10.500 --> 00:20:12.211
-[Scott] How was that, dude?
-That was sick.
305
00:20:12.878 --> 00:20:14.922
That's the best ride I've ever done.
What about you, Scotty?
306
00:20:16.632 --> 00:20:18.300 line:5%
[Scott] So where are you going now?
307
00:20:18.800 --> 00:20:22.304 line:5%
I'm gonna drive to Colorado,
go kayak there.
308
00:20:25.140 --> 00:20:26.350
[Dustin] It was that summer,
309
00:20:26.850 --> 00:20:28.810
we hear about the Black Canyon
of the Gunnison.
310
00:20:28.894 --> 00:20:30.437
It's a national monument.
311
00:20:30.520 --> 00:20:34.733
Just this super deep cut
in the Colorado plateau.
312
00:20:34.816 --> 00:20:37.486
[Willie] We decided that we would stay
closer to river level.
313
00:20:37.569 --> 00:20:41.156
We might be able to find a new way
to kind of piece the puzzle together.
314
00:20:41.365 --> 00:20:44.451
As we're coming down it,
there's a lot of water that's disappearing
315
00:20:44.868 --> 00:20:46.745
and you gotta be sure
that you can make a move.
316
00:20:47.955 --> 00:20:50.207
Chuck went to go make the move.
317
00:20:51.833 --> 00:20:55.337
[Dustin] Chuck paddles into this flat,
kind of submerged rock,
318
00:20:55.671 --> 00:20:57.589
and gets pinned fairly quickly,
319
00:20:57.673 --> 00:21:01.218
and he's up to his waist or so,
and he disappears.
320
00:21:01.843 --> 00:21:04.179
Within the span of me looking,
321
00:21:05.264 --> 00:21:07.599
turning to check upstream,
and looking back,
322
00:21:07.933 --> 00:21:11.520
Chuck was overcome by the water,
by the force of the water at his back.
323
00:21:12.729 --> 00:21:18.068
It was just the moment, the momentum,
the whatever it was, you know?
324
00:21:18.360 --> 00:21:19.653
It was that spot.
325
00:21:42.050 --> 00:21:45.470
I would say that the closeness
that existed between Chuck and Scott
326
00:21:45.971 --> 00:21:50.058
is not too dissimilar to the closeness
that existed between me and Chuck.
327
00:21:50.517 --> 00:21:51.601
We were brothers.
328
00:21:52.436 --> 00:21:54.396
And so they grew around that, you know?
329
00:21:54.479 --> 00:21:57.357
They grew around that relationship,
as we all did.
330
00:22:04.281 --> 00:22:08.368
[Scott] That year, that was the seventh
person that had drowned,
331
00:22:09.369 --> 00:22:11.997
and four or five of them
were in our circle.
332
00:22:12.080 --> 00:22:14.333
It just became brutal.
333
00:22:15.542 --> 00:22:17.377
Like, "What the fuck are we doing?"
334
00:22:24.092 --> 00:22:25.218
[Willie] When Chuck died,
335
00:22:25.761 --> 00:22:29.848
that's when things, I think,
really became way more serious for Scott.
336
00:22:31.016 --> 00:22:34.269
It compelled him
to be that much more edgy.
337
00:22:37.522 --> 00:22:41.193
And the emotion
that I got stuck in was anger.
338
00:22:41.568 --> 00:22:42.986
I became super angry.
339
00:22:44.488 --> 00:22:48.575
[Scott] If you showed up out of shape,
or if you were mentally unstable,
340
00:22:48.658 --> 00:22:52.746
or if you showed any sort
of emotional weakness,
341
00:22:52.829 --> 00:22:55.499
you were a threat
to the safety of the trip.
342
00:22:55.832 --> 00:22:58.543
And so you were instantly ostracized.
343
00:22:59.753 --> 00:23:04.508
Instead of coming over and asking, like,
"Hey, man, are you okay?"
344
00:23:05.425 --> 00:23:07.302
We were like, "Harden the fuck up.
345
00:23:07.385 --> 00:23:10.555
If you're falling apart,
you should get your shit and hike out."
346
00:23:13.308 --> 00:23:16.103
It's like standard protocol, isn't it?
It's the reverend.
347
00:23:16.728 --> 00:23:19.606
Reverend, will you take away all my sins?
348
00:23:20.398 --> 00:23:23.068
[Willie] We didn't have a lot
of touchy-feely conversations
349
00:23:23.151 --> 00:23:24.653
about how people were feeling.
350
00:23:24.736 --> 00:23:27.906
We debriefed experiences
in the way that we knew best,
351
00:23:27.989 --> 00:23:32.202
which was bust open a bottle of whiskey
and spend a little time with it,
352
00:23:32.285 --> 00:23:33.662
and reminisce,
353
00:23:33.745 --> 00:23:36.581
but we weren't necessarily
learning a lot about ourselves.
354
00:23:37.666 --> 00:23:40.836 line:5%
He shared with me, in the early years,
355
00:23:40.919 --> 00:23:43.338 line:5%
how, you know, he had it
pretty rough growing up.
356
00:23:43.421 --> 00:23:47.008
You know, I think that all kind of
put a chip on his shoulder
357
00:23:47.092 --> 00:23:50.720
and forced him to kind of find a way
to protect himself.
358
00:23:50.804 --> 00:23:55.934
And the way that he did that was
to be hard, and hard on other people.
359
00:23:57.018 --> 00:24:00.730
I'd lost too many friends,
lost too many friends.
360
00:24:00.814 --> 00:24:03.191
And so it was easy to be a dick about it.
361
00:24:03.525 --> 00:24:07.154
You know? It was just like,
"You're not cut for this. Beat it."
362
00:24:12.409 --> 00:24:14.578
None of us knew how to cope.
363
00:24:15.996 --> 00:24:21.209
Anytime it became challenging,
I would just run to the river.
364
00:24:23.378 --> 00:24:25.046
[Johnnie] You lose this person, right?
365
00:24:25.130 --> 00:24:27.924
You want to... uh...
366
00:24:29.718 --> 00:24:32.345
You want him back, right?
So you want to find him.
367
00:24:32.429 --> 00:24:34.347
So not paddling wasn't finding him.
368
00:24:34.431 --> 00:24:38.435
The best way to connect with him
was to get back to the river.
369
00:24:39.853 --> 00:24:42.564
[Willie] We had to go fall in love
with kayaking again
370
00:24:42.647 --> 00:24:45.692
and re-inspire what started
in California for all of us,
371
00:24:46.193 --> 00:24:48.778
but overlay it on a much bigger geography.
372
00:24:49.571 --> 00:24:53.241
It also, for Scott's sake,
it really started to set this tone
373
00:24:53.325 --> 00:24:55.160
for that, you know, the four rivers.
374
00:25:04.836 --> 00:25:09.216
And the first time we kind of really
got back on that horse together
375
00:25:09.299 --> 00:25:11.092
was the Upper Karnali.
376
00:25:18.308 --> 00:25:19.851
Are you rolling?
377
00:25:19.935 --> 00:25:23.438
As river runners, Mount Kailash really
holds a very special meaning.
378
00:25:23.897 --> 00:25:27.150
As the Hindu believe,
when it rains on top of Mount Kailash,
379
00:25:27.692 --> 00:25:31.613
it goes underground and circles
seven times around the mountain.
380
00:25:31.863 --> 00:25:35.992
And it comes out in four cardinal
directions through the Locks of Shiva.
381
00:25:36.076 --> 00:25:40.914
In the west flows the Sutlej River.
In the north flows the Indus River.
382
00:25:40.997 --> 00:25:45.877
In the east flows the Tsangpo River.
And in the south flows the Karnali River.
383
00:25:46.628 --> 00:25:49.464
The Karnali River is where
we're gonna start our journey.
384
00:25:50.298 --> 00:25:52.175
[Charlie] Making a pilgrimage
into Kailash,
385
00:25:52.259 --> 00:25:55.804
and then, being able to kayak
the four great rivers that come off it,
386
00:25:55.887 --> 00:26:00.350
in my mind it was kind of like,
as high as you can go in the sport.
387
00:26:01.893 --> 00:26:05.855
Now, we've made our way down the source
of the Karnali river here.
388
00:26:05.939 --> 00:26:09.150
And we're looking at the first descent
of the Upper Karnali gorges.
389
00:26:09.234 --> 00:26:11.569
This is day one of about 20.
390
00:26:14.781 --> 00:26:19.244
[Scott] We drop in and it takes us
seven days to navigate the head waters.
391
00:26:21.496 --> 00:26:24.124
[Johnnie] The first canyon
was totally inescapable,
392
00:26:25.417 --> 00:26:27.335
six to eight-thousand-foot walls.
393
00:26:36.469 --> 00:26:39.889
[Scott] You're in a canyon.
You're in the middle of fucking nowhere.
394
00:26:39.973 --> 00:26:41.891
The only way out is downstream.
395
00:26:42.392 --> 00:26:43.560
You're on your own.
396
00:26:45.186 --> 00:26:46.563 line:5%
[Charlie] What's up, Scott?
397
00:26:49.024 --> 00:26:50.150
[Charlie] You worried?
398
00:26:55.822 --> 00:26:57.699
[Willie] When we got into the heart
of the Karnali,
399
00:26:57.782 --> 00:26:59.534
it was a gut check for everybody.
400
00:27:00.577 --> 00:27:03.163
But probably nobody more acutely
than for Charlie.
401
00:27:03.621 --> 00:27:10.253
He felt it very strongly that we had
potentially taken it a little too far.
402
00:27:12.213 --> 00:27:16.217
This is a... big canyon, I'll tell ya.
403
00:27:16.301 --> 00:27:17.969
[Scott] He was out of his comfort zone.
404
00:27:18.053 --> 00:27:20.305
It started feeling
like I was in a war zone
405
00:27:20.388 --> 00:27:22.807
when I was out there,
and it messes with your mind.
406
00:27:23.224 --> 00:27:27.979
I felt they were stronger paddlers,
and that really broke me down.
407
00:27:28.063 --> 00:27:30.023
It was some really hard stuff.
408
00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:32.776
[Scott] I've witnessed a lot of people.
409
00:27:33.234 --> 00:27:36.363
I've witnessed their moment
when they've walked away.
410
00:27:37.822 --> 00:27:41.451
This doesn't last forever.
You got to have an inner fire.
411
00:27:42.452 --> 00:27:47.791
And the second that it becomes unstable,
it becomes dangerous.
412
00:27:48.625 --> 00:27:51.127
[Willie] And then,
we came out of that gorge.
413
00:27:51.211 --> 00:27:52.379
And the next day,
414
00:27:52.921 --> 00:27:56.424
he decided that he wasn't going
to move downstream with us from there.
415
00:27:56.508 --> 00:28:00.178
And I don't think I realized that
that meant forever.
416
00:28:01.596 --> 00:28:04.182
That was a monumental moment
for Charlie and I,
417
00:28:04.265 --> 00:28:06.476
because that was the last time
I paddled with him.
418
00:28:07.644 --> 00:28:10.438
Charlie understood the history,
like the ancient history.
419
00:28:11.147 --> 00:28:13.608
[Scott] It was Charlie's dream
just as much as my dream
420
00:28:13.691 --> 00:28:14.818
to run all four rivers.
421
00:28:14.901 --> 00:28:16.486
-[indistinct]
-There you go, buddy.
422
00:28:16.569 --> 00:28:19.072
-All right. You guys be safe.
-You, too.
423
00:28:19.155 --> 00:28:20.156
We'll see you back.
424
00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:23.034
[Charlie] I saw myself
as a mentor of Scott's.
425
00:28:23.118 --> 00:28:27.914
And you know, he's got more talent than I,
and gosh, Scott's got a good shot at this.
426
00:28:28.706 --> 00:28:33.002
[Scott] And we were clearly operating
on another level,
427
00:28:33.878 --> 00:28:35.672
and uh, it kind of broke my heart.
428
00:28:37.257 --> 00:28:42.137
We ended up finishing it,
and it was, at that time,
429
00:28:42.220 --> 00:28:45.306
one of the most impactful river trips
I had ever done.
430
00:28:46.307 --> 00:28:49.561
It wasn't too long after that,
I meet Mikey and Allan
431
00:28:49.644 --> 00:28:51.896
for the first descent of the Sutlej.
432
00:28:55.191 --> 00:28:57.318
[Mikey] Scott first told me
about the dream
433
00:28:57.402 --> 00:29:00.864
to run the four rivers from Kailash
while we were on the Sutlej.
434
00:29:02.991 --> 00:29:07.537 line:5%
To compare that with another sport,
I guess it's like climbing four faces
435
00:29:07.620 --> 00:29:10.373 line:5%
on the highest mountain in the world.
436
00:29:10.457 --> 00:29:12.792
[Allan] One of the main features
of the Sutlej
437
00:29:12.876 --> 00:29:17.756 line:5%
is a eight, 900-meter vertical rock wall
and the river down the bottom.
438
00:29:21.301 --> 00:29:24.137
For me, that was the first time
I paddled with Scott.
439
00:29:24.220 --> 00:29:27.474
He might have got a bit frustrated
because maybe we're a bit slow,
440
00:29:27.557 --> 00:29:29.601
and he was used to charging into things.
441
00:29:30.810 --> 00:29:32.979
But by the end of it,
we were all charging.
442
00:29:36.357 --> 00:29:38.902
[Mikey] Sometimes the scale
can be a bit daunting
443
00:29:38.985 --> 00:29:41.404
when you know you have thousands
of meters of gradient.
444
00:29:43.114 --> 00:29:44.532
But just one day at a time.
445
00:29:44.616 --> 00:29:49.537
And that trip I remember well as being one
of the first times the realization hit me
446
00:29:49.621 --> 00:29:52.540
that these rivers that we had been
paddling in the Himalayas,
447
00:29:53.291 --> 00:29:57.170
we're racing against a dam
and the river being destroyed from this.
448
00:29:58.755 --> 00:30:01.382
And now, that section,
one of the coolest, deepest,
449
00:30:01.466 --> 00:30:03.384
best white-water sections, is flooded.
450
00:30:05.261 --> 00:30:06.513
Brilliant white water.
451
00:30:07.639 --> 00:30:09.891
And we've got a big party of people
452
00:30:09.974 --> 00:30:12.602
waiting to celebrate with us here
in Rampur.
453
00:30:14.062 --> 00:30:16.940
[Allan] I think we were really fired up
after the Sutlej,
454
00:30:17.023 --> 00:30:20.401
Mainly because we spent every night
talking about the Tsangpo.
455
00:30:24.572 --> 00:30:27.033
[Scott] The Tsangpo,
logistically speaking,
456
00:30:27.116 --> 00:30:29.702
was on a whole 'nother level.
It was a beast.
457
00:30:30.829 --> 00:30:32.664
And I remember reaching out to Charlie.
458
00:30:32.747 --> 00:30:36.376
I was like, "Hey, I'm making
a full court press for the Tsangpo,
459
00:30:37.168 --> 00:30:38.878
and I want you there."
460
00:30:39.838 --> 00:30:42.841
[Charlie] By then, you know,
I was really into photography,
461
00:30:42.924 --> 00:30:46.427
and I was getting a little older,
and not kayaking as much.
462
00:30:46.511 --> 00:30:50.515
And so it wasn't so important to me
to try to get all four rivers.
463
00:30:50.598 --> 00:30:54.477
But really, my future
was photographing the next generation.
464
00:30:55.311 --> 00:30:58.857
[Scott] For Charlie and I,
we were obsessed with the Tsangpo.
465
00:30:59.607 --> 00:31:02.151
[Charlie] That's really the deepest gorge
in the world.
466
00:31:02.235 --> 00:31:05.113
You've got 25,000-foot Gyala Peri
on one side,
467
00:31:05.196 --> 00:31:08.491
and 25,000-foot Namcha Barwa on the other.
468
00:31:10.076 --> 00:31:12.871
And you drop through this gorge
for 150 miles.
469
00:31:13.454 --> 00:31:19.419
[Scott] It's a 12,000-foot descent
through something that's dropping
470
00:31:19.502 --> 00:31:22.547
off the Tibetan plateau
at an astronomical rate.
471
00:31:23.464 --> 00:31:27.677
At the same time, there was another crew,
the Whitwalker crew.
472
00:31:28.303 --> 00:31:32.140
I basically start to get nervous that
these guys are gonna go bag this thing.
473
00:31:32.724 --> 00:31:34.851
Those guys showed up over there
and put on,
474
00:31:34.934 --> 00:31:39.230
and it wasn't too long after putting on,
Doug Gordon missed a move,
475
00:31:40.148 --> 00:31:43.192
and got pushed into the center
of the river and was never seen again.
476
00:31:47.780 --> 00:31:50.199
You know, when that happened,
as tragic as it was,
477
00:31:50.283 --> 00:31:53.953
we kind of, we realized
we needed to take our time.
478
00:31:54.913 --> 00:32:01.669
There was a ton of buildup
and months of staring at satellite maps,
479
00:32:01.753 --> 00:32:03.338
and being terrified.
480
00:32:03.713 --> 00:32:07.175
You layer up this like,
political inaccessibility,
481
00:32:07.258 --> 00:32:10.720
and it becomes bigger than life
really quickly.
482
00:32:16.601 --> 00:32:19.145
[indistinct chatter]
483
00:32:19.228 --> 00:32:21.439
[Scott] And there were so many components,
484
00:32:21.522 --> 00:32:25.902
and I had so many sleepless nights
planning for that expedition.
485
00:32:25.985 --> 00:32:28.988
I mean, I sold my soul
on so many different levels.
486
00:32:33.242 --> 00:32:35.536
For me to pull that thing off,
487
00:32:35.620 --> 00:32:38.623
I had to bring in just the very best
of the best.
488
00:32:39.832 --> 00:32:43.044 line:5%
Today is quite a day in history.
489
00:32:43.127 --> 00:32:46.714 line:5%
Today, Scott Lindgren,
Johnnie Kern, Willie Kern,
490
00:32:47.382 --> 00:32:51.970
Dustin Knapp, Mike Abbott,
Allan Ellard, and Steve Fisher
491
00:32:52.887 --> 00:32:56.099
are gonna run the Yarlung Tsangpo river.
492
00:32:59.852 --> 00:33:04.941
[Scott] It's gonna be pretty full on.
The river, it's definitely big.
493
00:33:18.287 --> 00:33:20.832
[Allan]
[indistinct] out in the backwash, and...
494
00:33:21.374 --> 00:33:24.377
and when I rolled up it was, uh,
it hit him straight back up.
495
00:33:24.460 --> 00:33:26.587
It's turning into a pretty ugly spot.
496
00:33:36.931 --> 00:33:39.058
[Scott] I don't know if Dustin
got that shot or not,
497
00:33:39.142 --> 00:33:40.601
but I just got absolutely hammered.
498
00:33:43.146 --> 00:33:44.188
Went into a hole.
499
00:33:45.023 --> 00:33:46.733
I didn't think I was gonna come out.
500
00:33:48.860 --> 00:33:49.986
Long day.
501
00:33:50.737 --> 00:33:53.823
We're about six miles above Rainbow Falls.
502
00:33:53.906 --> 00:33:58.494
This rapid right here is the entrance
to a major gorge
503
00:33:58.995 --> 00:34:01.497
that was a major problem on our maps.
504
00:34:12.967 --> 00:34:14.677
[Scott] It was the endurance.
505
00:34:16.012 --> 00:34:18.306
It was the long haul.
It was the suffering.
506
00:34:20.892 --> 00:34:22.894
Nothing better than a good suffer fest.
507
00:34:24.437 --> 00:34:27.482
I mean, I don't know,
I was attracted to it. I kind of liked it.
508
00:34:28.524 --> 00:34:30.860
Where I'm sitting is right above
509
00:34:30.943 --> 00:34:34.030
what I believe is one of the more
powerful places on the planet Earth,
510
00:34:34.113 --> 00:34:37.075
Rainbow Falls,
which is a 70-foot waterfall.
511
00:34:37.158 --> 00:34:40.620
And directly below it
is a 110-foot waterfall
512
00:34:40.703 --> 00:34:43.956
that just harnesses the power
of the Himalayas.
513
00:34:47.710 --> 00:34:51.672
And our journey ahead of us now
is taking a different road.
514
00:34:51.756 --> 00:34:54.467
We're having to hike up over a pass
515
00:34:54.550 --> 00:34:57.595
that is still a major obstacle
to this expedition.
516
00:34:58.387 --> 00:35:01.224
That was one of the gnarliest
little sections right there.
517
00:35:01.724 --> 00:35:05.478
One slip and you're 2,000 feet
down to the river.
518
00:35:07.063 --> 00:35:10.525
No one told me we were climbing
Namcha Barwa on the way.
519
00:35:10.608 --> 00:35:14.362
I just hope that all of us
will safely make it off of this thing,
520
00:35:14.445 --> 00:35:18.658
because we've got a descent here
that's gonna be harrowing.
521
00:35:18.741 --> 00:35:22.078
You learn a lot about somebody
and the way they operate pretty quickly
522
00:35:22.161 --> 00:35:25.206
when you sign up for something
that's not necessarily easy.
523
00:35:25.289 --> 00:35:27.375
It's the life under a magnifying glass.
524
00:35:28.668 --> 00:35:32.296
[Scott] We had just walked
over a 12,000-foot pass.
525
00:35:33.506 --> 00:35:38.386
And the porters say, you know,
"If you don't give us twice as much money
526
00:35:38.469 --> 00:35:42.473
as you were gonna pay us,
we are gonna leave you guys up here."
527
00:35:43.057 --> 00:35:47.478
[Scott] And they were threatening
violence.
528
00:35:47.562 --> 00:35:48.396
What's the number?
529
00:35:48.479 --> 00:35:50.273
[Willie] These people are gonna
come steal everything
530
00:35:50.356 --> 00:35:51.607
and hurt us.
531
00:35:51.691 --> 00:35:55.695
[man speaking in local language]
532
00:35:55.778 --> 00:35:58.573
Stop the fucking money talking!
You hear me?
533
00:35:58.656 --> 00:36:03.202
I think Scott had no bandwidth left.
534
00:36:04.579 --> 00:36:10.459
That was the one time
where I saw a part of this rawness,
535
00:36:10.543 --> 00:36:12.336
people might say his edginess.
536
00:36:12.420 --> 00:36:13.421
Fuck!
537
00:36:14.005 --> 00:36:17.300
[speaking in local language]
538
00:36:17.383 --> 00:36:19.802
[Scott] Yeah?
What are you gonna fucking do?
539
00:36:19.886 --> 00:36:21.387
[Dustin] That surprised me.
540
00:36:21.470 --> 00:36:25.516
Is this stress?
Or is there something more going on?
541
00:36:25.600 --> 00:36:27.310
Is there something going on in his head?
542
00:36:27.393 --> 00:36:30.605
-We're already fucked.
-We're not fucked, we're in trouble.
543
00:36:30.688 --> 00:36:32.940
But we're not absolutely fucked.
544
00:36:33.900 --> 00:36:35.860
-Um...
-Right now we have no options
545
00:36:35.943 --> 00:36:37.904
except for to pay them what they want.
546
00:36:38.154 --> 00:36:40.907
Once you start hitting the 25,
30-day range,
547
00:36:40.990 --> 00:36:44.076
everything becomes
a little different dynamic.
548
00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:47.413
[yelling in local language]
549
00:36:50.333 --> 00:36:51.792
It becomes a lot more sensitive.
550
00:36:51.876 --> 00:36:54.212
And I hadn't had a break the entire time.
551
00:36:57.715 --> 00:37:02.970
What happened today was the first time
in my ten years of coming to the Himalayas
552
00:37:03.054 --> 00:37:08.100
where I've been held hostage
and robbed by our 43 porters.
553
00:37:08.893 --> 00:37:12.605
We're off to Payu, which is a good thing.
554
00:37:12.688 --> 00:37:14.815
I think everybody's ready
to get out of here.
555
00:37:15.942 --> 00:37:20.154
We should have failed
a thousand times in there.
556
00:37:20.488 --> 00:37:22.698
I mean, every day
there was something happening
557
00:37:22.782 --> 00:37:25.910
where the livelihood of the expedition
was being threatened.
558
00:37:27.536 --> 00:37:30.206
The fact that we made it,
even to this day,
559
00:37:30.289 --> 00:37:33.751
I look back on it,
and it just blows me away.
560
00:37:36.254 --> 00:37:38.089
When I came home from the Tsangpo,
561
00:37:38.172 --> 00:37:42.593
I was emotionally
and physically so drained.
562
00:37:43.302 --> 00:37:44.929
[David] Guys, good morning.
Congratulations.
563
00:37:45.012 --> 00:37:46.555 line:5%
-[Scott] Thank you.
-[Johnnie] Thanks.
564
00:37:46.639 --> 00:37:49.642
Scott, I mean, you are, we said,
a world-class kayaker.
565
00:37:49.725 --> 00:37:52.019
But even you kind of went, "Gulp."
566
00:37:52.103 --> 00:37:56.607
The Tsangpo experience definitely,
it took a lot out of everybody,
567
00:37:57.066 --> 00:37:59.652
but I would venture to say
it took a lot more out of Scott.
568
00:38:00.486 --> 00:38:02.363
[Johnnie] And it changed everything.
569
00:38:04.282 --> 00:38:07.618
[Scott] This sport, mental focus-wise,
570
00:38:07.702 --> 00:38:12.164
you would hold for days,
and days, and days on end,
571
00:38:12.248 --> 00:38:14.083
and then, when we would get off,
572
00:38:15.126 --> 00:38:18.254
we'd be so exhausted
from holding that space,
573
00:38:18.879 --> 00:38:21.966
the only way we knew how to release it
was to send a bender.
574
00:38:22.967 --> 00:38:28.764
Reentry is one of the hardest parts
about putting yourself in these places.
575
00:38:28.848 --> 00:38:31.600
♪ Another pocket of beer ♪
576
00:38:33.686 --> 00:38:36.397
♪ It's all I ever have ♪
577
00:38:37.273 --> 00:38:41.402
[Johnnie] How do I absorb this
into my life and use it for good
578
00:38:41.485 --> 00:38:44.989
and not just a point where I'm like,
"I wish I was still there?"
579
00:38:46.240 --> 00:38:49.577
[indistinct chatter]
580
00:38:49.660 --> 00:38:52.455
[Scott] And so then, you just find
yourself in this pattern
581
00:38:53.080 --> 00:39:00.046
where you're full throttle,
locked down for days on end,
582
00:39:00.129 --> 00:39:04.091
come out, send a bender,
gear up, right back at it,
583
00:39:04.508 --> 00:39:06.344
and you just repeat the behavior.
584
00:39:07.011 --> 00:39:09.555
And it's a crazy way to live.
585
00:39:12.850 --> 00:39:18.064 line:5%
When you finish some big expedition
that gets a lot of attention,
586
00:39:18.397 --> 00:39:21.859
the very first thing everybody asks you
is what's next?
587
00:39:23.361 --> 00:39:25.071
This is what you wanted to do.
588
00:39:25.154 --> 00:39:27.573
You're 30 now,
so what's the next big adventure?
589
00:39:27.656 --> 00:39:30.618
At that time, I was looking at the Indus.
590
00:39:30.743 --> 00:39:32.536
You know, that was the fourth
and final river.
591
00:39:32.620 --> 00:39:37.124
And I've done now the Sutlej,
the Karnali, and the Tsangpo.
592
00:39:37.208 --> 00:39:38.751
And that leaves the Indus.
593
00:39:38.834 --> 00:39:42.546
And then, Pakistan's completely
off-limits to any sort of tourism.
594
00:39:43.089 --> 00:39:45.633
I felt I just needed
to take some time off,
595
00:39:45.716 --> 00:39:47.802
and breathe a little bit.
596
00:39:48.094 --> 00:39:50.805
And that was the thing.
I wasn't getting any time off.
597
00:39:51.931 --> 00:39:56.310
We've done a tour throughout the U.S.
And it's been a success,
598
00:39:56.394 --> 00:39:58.687
and I really hope you guys
enjoy the show tonight.
599
00:39:58.771 --> 00:40:03.067
I was being flown all over the country
to do premiers for the movie,
600
00:40:03.150 --> 00:40:05.653
and I had a television show to deliver.
601
00:40:05.736 --> 00:40:08.489
It was something
that I wasn't really used to.
602
00:40:08.572 --> 00:40:11.992
I didn't know how to handle,
and I let it get the best of me.
603
00:40:14.120 --> 00:40:16.330
Before, everything was about kayaking.
604
00:40:16.414 --> 00:40:21.961
And then, all of a sudden,
now, it was more about the production.
605
00:40:22.503 --> 00:40:25.214
[Willie] It was clearly a transition
for him
606
00:40:25.297 --> 00:40:28.843
to bigger budgets, and now,
you're on the hook for results.
607
00:40:28.926 --> 00:40:31.137
Now, you're on the hook
for accomplishments.
608
00:40:31.220 --> 00:40:34.348
People have a whole different set
of expectations for you.
609
00:40:34.432 --> 00:40:36.809
[Scott] It was more of like,
a full-time job,
610
00:40:36.892 --> 00:40:41.313
and it was more about playing
that sort of corporate role
611
00:40:41.397 --> 00:40:44.817
in working with bigger sponsors,
and more money.
612
00:40:46.402 --> 00:40:50.156
I think that that was a big turning point
for everybody
613
00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:53.701
in terms of hanging out with Scott,
and going on trips with him.
614
00:40:53.784 --> 00:40:57.830
There's a conversation he had with me,
and it's a standout conversation.
615
00:40:57.913 --> 00:41:01.167
He said, "I don't care about high-fiving
down this river.
616
00:41:01.667 --> 00:41:05.629
All I care about is getting my shots
and paying my mortgage."
617
00:41:06.505 --> 00:41:09.800
And I'd never heard that kind of language
from Scott before.
618
00:41:10.301 --> 00:41:12.887
That's the opposite
of what we're trying to do.
619
00:41:12.970 --> 00:41:16.098
We literally are there
to high-five down the river.
620
00:41:17.892 --> 00:41:21.645
[Scott] The next several years,
I started going to Africa.
621
00:41:28.110 --> 00:41:32.031
I probably physically and mentally wasn't
in the best space ever,
622
00:41:32.114 --> 00:41:35.159
but we were headed into Murchison Falls.
623
00:41:39.622 --> 00:41:46.170
As far as river trips are concerned,
one of the scariest things I've ever done.
624
00:41:46.962 --> 00:41:52.301
You have the river right side,
which is the Lord's Resistance Army.
625
00:41:53.177 --> 00:41:56.263
You have insanely huge white water.
626
00:41:56.972 --> 00:42:01.477
You have the highest concentration
of crocs and hippos anywhere in the world.
627
00:42:02.478 --> 00:42:05.397
[Mikey] It's the kind of place
that you've got to take very seriously.
628
00:42:05.481 --> 00:42:07.149
Something goes wrong in the white water,
629
00:42:07.233 --> 00:42:10.819
well, there could be somebody waiting
for you at the bottom of the rapid.
630
00:42:11.570 --> 00:42:15.407
It's the kind of stretch
that I've only done once,
631
00:42:15.699 --> 00:42:17.493
and I don't plan to go back to.
632
00:42:23.415 --> 00:42:27.836 line:5%
On that trip, I could tell
something was up with my brother.
633
00:42:28.629 --> 00:42:33.008
He was feeling weak physically.
634
00:42:34.134 --> 00:42:35.511
He knew he had to bury that fear.
635
00:42:35.594 --> 00:42:40.933
He knew that he couldn't be the guy
that brought the group down.
636
00:42:41.016 --> 00:42:42.476
He knows the rules.
637
00:42:43.602 --> 00:42:47.648
The first thing I noticed was
that his paddling wasn't up to par.
638
00:42:49.984 --> 00:42:54.655
[Scott] What started happening was that
when I would flip over,
639
00:42:55.948 --> 00:42:58.158
I was starting to lose spatial awareness.
640
00:42:59.493 --> 00:43:03.914
I wasn't blacking out,
but like, I didn't know where I was at.
641
00:43:04.373 --> 00:43:06.083
And I was struggling to roll.
642
00:43:07.710 --> 00:43:10.296
And this was the last place in the world
643
00:43:10.379 --> 00:43:14.633
you wanted to be struggling
with a roll upside-down.
644
00:43:15.759 --> 00:43:20.014
The kind of pressure that Scott would put
on people in the group was
645
00:43:20.431 --> 00:43:23.517
if somebody wasn't paddling up to par,
he would tell them,
646
00:43:23.601 --> 00:43:25.019
"You need to sit this one out."
647
00:43:25.102 --> 00:43:27.646
So, on the Murch section
for the first time,
648
00:43:27.730 --> 00:43:31.442
he was the guy that he would have given
the pep talk to.
649
00:43:34.695 --> 00:43:38.949
I came off of that expedition,
I told myself,
650
00:43:39.033 --> 00:43:42.870
"I'm going to take three months off.
I gotta figure out what's going on here."
651
00:43:44.580 --> 00:43:47.625
And I couldn't put my finger on it.
652
00:43:47.708 --> 00:43:49.293
I went to the doctor a few times,
653
00:43:49.376 --> 00:43:53.339
and all my vitals seemed
to be, you know, pretty good.
654
00:43:54.548 --> 00:43:57.343
Maybe that's it, you know,
I'm just getting old, and...
655
00:43:57.968 --> 00:43:59.261
I had a hell of a run.
656
00:44:00.304 --> 00:44:02.056
But I think, intuitively,
657
00:44:02.139 --> 00:44:05.726
I kind of felt like something deeper
was going on at that point.
658
00:44:05.809 --> 00:44:09.146
You can't operate at that level forever.
659
00:44:09.229 --> 00:44:12.441
This is the guarantee, right?
You can try.
660
00:44:13.651 --> 00:44:15.235
[Scott] And the one thing
661
00:44:15.361 --> 00:44:20.741
that I was really hanging onto the most
was the Indus.
662
00:44:21.367 --> 00:44:24.536
It was the hole in my soul.
663
00:44:24.620 --> 00:44:31.251
I mean, I knew that I was letting that go
when I walked away.
664
00:44:32.419 --> 00:44:33.420
And...
665
00:44:36.757 --> 00:44:38.008
I walked away.
666
00:44:40.386 --> 00:44:42.888
[Willie] For Scotty,
to see that transition,
667
00:44:43.347 --> 00:44:46.016
like, professional, to like,
668
00:44:46.100 --> 00:44:48.727
professional, now,
I don't even know if I love what I loved.
669
00:44:48.811 --> 00:44:51.063
Now, I'm out on the river,
and now, I'm not healthy,
670
00:44:51.146 --> 00:44:53.107
and now, I'm not on the river
'cause I'm not healthy.
671
00:44:53.190 --> 00:44:57.486
What a crazy spiral that is,
and can be for somebody.
672
00:44:58.487 --> 00:45:02.616
[Dustin] He was going to the bar.
He was taking everything too far.
673
00:45:03.158 --> 00:45:06.120
[Scott] I used everything.
I was a, "More, please," guy.
674
00:45:06.662 --> 00:45:08.497
Anything that made you feel better.
675
00:45:09.498 --> 00:45:11.417
And then, what ended up happening is
676
00:45:11.500 --> 00:45:18.215
that slowly but surely, one by one,
everyone started to go away.
677
00:45:19.591 --> 00:45:23.804
And that was the fucked-up prison,
678
00:45:24.471 --> 00:45:27.933
because you're just alone.
679
00:45:31.812 --> 00:45:36.817
Three months off the river
turned into eight long years.
680
00:45:44.074 --> 00:45:46.702
I'm at home by myself,
681
00:45:48.745 --> 00:45:50.372
and I start getting a headache.
682
00:45:52.291 --> 00:45:55.794
I just start seeing double.
And I start moving.
683
00:45:58.297 --> 00:46:00.841
And then, I kind of just black out.
684
00:46:03.969 --> 00:46:06.305
I was just laying there,
685
00:46:07.931 --> 00:46:11.685
and woke up,
and my head, it was splitting in two.
686
00:46:12.811 --> 00:46:17.065
Like, something's wrong.
I gotta figure out what's going on here.
687
00:46:19.568 --> 00:46:21.111
I go to the doctor.
688
00:46:21.778 --> 00:46:23.614
I kind of told him what was going on,
689
00:46:23.697 --> 00:46:25.991
and he's like,
"Let's take a picture of your brain."
690
00:46:30.120 --> 00:46:33.040
That was the beginning of it all.
691
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:38.295
Got the call, was at night.
692
00:46:40.756 --> 00:46:41.882
And then, he said,
693
00:46:41.965 --> 00:46:46.845
"It turns out that I have a brain tumor
the size of a small baseball
694
00:46:46.929 --> 00:46:48.430
in the back of my head."
695
00:46:49.473 --> 00:46:51.016
I went to my knees.
696
00:46:53.101 --> 00:46:55.395
Probably one of the worst moments
of my life.
697
00:47:02.152 --> 00:47:03.904
[Dr. Jian] Scott has a pituitary adenoma.
698
00:47:03.987 --> 00:47:07.241
Pituitary tumors are basically found
in a few ways.
699
00:47:07.324 --> 00:47:10.035 line:5%
People have a severe headache,
they show up to the emergency room.
700
00:47:10.118 --> 00:47:11.537 line:5%
They get a scan. And we see it.
701
00:47:11.620 --> 00:47:15.707
The major concern that we have
is vision loss.
702
00:47:15.791 --> 00:47:17.709
The tumors can occasionally bleed.
703
00:47:18.168 --> 00:47:22.005
And when they bleed,
the tumor's not growing quickly,
704
00:47:22.089 --> 00:47:27.678
but the volume is growing quickly
because the bleeding fills up the space
705
00:47:27.761 --> 00:47:30.097
and pushes on the optic nerves right away.
706
00:47:30.180 --> 00:47:34.017
And so when people present
with the worst headache of their life
707
00:47:34.101 --> 00:47:37.980
and sudden vision loss,
that's a medical emergency.
708
00:47:38.063 --> 00:47:41.275
They go to the emergency room
and get operated on
709
00:47:41.358 --> 00:47:43.068
usually within the next 24 hours.
710
00:47:43.944 --> 00:47:47.447
His tumor was of a very large size
pushing on his optic nerves,
711
00:47:47.531 --> 00:47:50.701
and it needed to be dealt with surgically.
712
00:47:50.784 --> 00:47:53.954
I knew that I was looking at
an eight-to-ten-hour brain surgery,
713
00:47:55.080 --> 00:47:57.916
and there were no guarantees.
714
00:47:59.501 --> 00:48:01.837
[Dr. Jian] His wrapped around
his right carotid arteries.
715
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:06.091
That made his surgery more complicated
than the average pituitary surgery.
716
00:48:06.174 --> 00:48:10.137
There are injuries to the carotid artery
when you're operating on them.
717
00:48:11.555 --> 00:48:14.349
Let's just say, if he were to become
completely incapacitated
718
00:48:14.433 --> 00:48:17.936
from the surgery, right?
What kind of a lifestyle is that for him?
719
00:48:20.939 --> 00:48:23.066
But worst-case scenario would be death.
720
00:48:27.446 --> 00:48:30.949
[Scott] I was walking down the hallway
with my family and Johnnie and Willie,
721
00:48:31.033 --> 00:48:33.452
and it was the longest
fucking hallway ever.
722
00:48:34.870 --> 00:48:38.040
We get to the door to where we walk
into the operating room,
723
00:48:38.332 --> 00:48:41.168
and the nurse looks back at me
724
00:48:41.251 --> 00:48:45.005
and was like,
"Okay, this is hugs and kisses, goodbye."
725
00:48:59.353 --> 00:49:03.607
I have a picture of him in the ICU
after the surgery,
726
00:49:03.690 --> 00:49:08.153
and seeing Scott in that way
is also scary.
727
00:49:08.236 --> 00:49:13.033
I don't believe anybody's invincible.
I lost that perspective when Chuck died.
728
00:49:13.116 --> 00:49:16.036
But to see your friend hooked up
to all the machinery,
729
00:49:16.119 --> 00:49:19.665
was an interesting pivot point for us,
like, "Okay, what's next?"
730
00:49:21.208 --> 00:49:23.293
[Dr. Jian] When we removed it,
731
00:49:23.377 --> 00:49:25.295
we took everything off
of his optic nerves,
732
00:49:25.379 --> 00:49:28.757
took everything that filled up
that saddle area.
733
00:49:28.840 --> 00:49:34.596
There was just maybe not even
a peanut's worth size of tumor left.
734
00:49:36.306 --> 00:49:41.311
His has the threat of regrowing
because the stuff to the outside
735
00:49:41.395 --> 00:49:45.857
of the carotid artery was unreachable
without excessive risk.
736
00:49:49.486 --> 00:49:52.906
[Scott] A month goes by,
and my head was clear,
737
00:49:52.989 --> 00:49:54.449
my ears were clear,
738
00:49:54.533 --> 00:49:57.744
things were coming back
that I didn't even know existed
739
00:49:57.828 --> 00:49:59.705
because they'd been gone for so long.
740
00:49:59.996 --> 00:50:04.334
When you physically feel good
it helps your mental stability.
741
00:50:05.085 --> 00:50:09.715
But I wasn't talking to anyone about it.
742
00:50:10.298 --> 00:50:12.092
And I fell right back into pattern.
743
00:50:13.009 --> 00:50:15.637
[Dustin] It's no different than
when he got stabbed as a kid.
744
00:50:15.721 --> 00:50:17.848
It's like stuff that stuff away, hide it.
745
00:50:17.931 --> 00:50:20.517
It was super important to him
that nobody knew.
746
00:50:21.351 --> 00:50:24.438
[Willie] I mean, the easiest way
to not deal with something
747
00:50:24.521 --> 00:50:27.190
is to bottle it up and block it out.
748
00:50:28.567 --> 00:50:31.319
That doesn't really equal out
to dealing with anything, right?
749
00:50:31.403 --> 00:50:33.947
That just relies on your ability
to absorb it.
750
00:50:34.948 --> 00:50:37.492
[Scott] I looked at my tumor
as a weakness.
751
00:50:39.369 --> 00:50:43.832
And I spent my entire life not being weak.
752
00:50:44.833 --> 00:50:47.002
[Willie] Vulnerable is a scary place to be
753
00:50:47.085 --> 00:50:50.547
when you have fought to be secure
your whole life.
754
00:50:51.298 --> 00:50:55.886
The further along I got
in the physical healing part of it,
755
00:50:57.471 --> 00:51:00.432
the more I slid backwards mentally.
756
00:51:02.392 --> 00:51:05.312
[Dr. Jian] The pituitary tumor pushes
on the pituitary gland.
757
00:51:05.395 --> 00:51:10.275
The gland is important in making you feel
how you feel every day.
758
00:51:10.358 --> 00:51:13.820
Those hormones don't rebound that quickly.
Sometimes they don't rebound at all.
759
00:51:14.529 --> 00:51:15.947
So I tell patients,
760
00:51:16.031 --> 00:51:19.242
"Listen, you may feel lethargic,
you may feel depressed."
761
00:51:19.785 --> 00:51:22.454
It takes months for the body
to recalibrate itself.
762
00:51:23.371 --> 00:51:26.875
[Dustin] Scott idling and waiting around
for scans for a year,
763
00:51:26.958 --> 00:51:28.919
and "Oh, you got six more months."
764
00:51:29.294 --> 00:51:31.129
You know, you need to be mellow.
765
00:51:31.213 --> 00:51:34.341
And the way he dealt with it
was not the best thing for his tumor.
766
00:51:35.217 --> 00:51:39.346
It's always hard to say as a friend,
"Is this life bearing down on you?
767
00:51:39.429 --> 00:51:42.557
Is this the long, slow ramp
after your peak adventure?"
768
00:51:43.058 --> 00:51:45.018
How do you even reconcile that?
769
00:51:45.769 --> 00:51:49.689
I just was screaming for help,
and just didn't know how to ask for it.
770
00:51:53.068 --> 00:51:55.403
[siren wailing]
771
00:52:03.745 --> 00:52:05.914
[Dustin] I think the turning point
for Scott, honestly,
772
00:52:05.997 --> 00:52:07.707
and I've never even told him this,
773
00:52:07.791 --> 00:52:11.169
but actually, him hitting rock bottom,
and getting that DUI.
774
00:52:11.253 --> 00:52:13.338
And that morning,
when I went to pick him up
775
00:52:13.421 --> 00:52:15.799
at Sac County Jail,
and we're driving home,
776
00:52:15.882 --> 00:52:18.343
and, you know,
I think things hit him pretty hard.
777
00:52:23.306 --> 00:52:25.100
That DUI saved his life.
778
00:52:33.149 --> 00:52:34.568
[Scott] I've always believed
779
00:52:34.651 --> 00:52:37.696
that the universe brings people
together for a reason.
780
00:52:41.074 --> 00:52:43.201 line:5%
I do remember the first time we met.
781
00:52:44.786 --> 00:52:47.581 line:5%
Scott and I were introduced
by a mutual friend.
782
00:52:47.664 --> 00:52:50.917
We met on a ski hill,
and it was a blind date,
783
00:52:51.001 --> 00:52:53.169
and definitely there was a magnetism.
784
00:52:54.296 --> 00:52:55.839
When I first met Scott,
785
00:52:55.922 --> 00:53:00.760
it was the hard Scott coming out
of healing through his brain tumor.
786
00:53:01.678 --> 00:53:03.430
[Scott] She was intuitive,
787
00:53:03.513 --> 00:53:09.019
and she had this way
of communicating with me.
788
00:53:09.477 --> 00:53:12.314
And I instantly fell in love with her.
789
00:53:15.984 --> 00:53:17.110
[laughs]
790
00:53:18.069 --> 00:53:24.409
To my lovely Patricia, I love you so much.
791
00:53:24.492 --> 00:53:26.077
-[Patricia giggles]
-Mwah.
792
00:53:27.120 --> 00:53:30.498
[Patricia] We had this fierce
and incredible love.
793
00:53:30.582 --> 00:53:35.754
He surrounded me in this bubble
of protection and strength.
794
00:53:35.837 --> 00:53:40.926
It was undeniable that we both
were healing layers upon layers
795
00:53:41.468 --> 00:53:43.345
of history together.
796
00:53:43.762 --> 00:53:46.264
But still, there was an ocean between us.
797
00:53:47.599 --> 00:53:53.647
It was like feeling trapped
in the greatest love of my life
798
00:53:54.189 --> 00:53:57.484
with someone who didn't know how
to allow me in.
799
00:53:59.819 --> 00:54:02.572
I couldn't understand why
I couldn't get closer,
800
00:54:02.656 --> 00:54:06.576
and I believe that mindset
that he needed to have on the river,
801
00:54:06.660 --> 00:54:11.581
also translated into a relationship
of him just being walled off.
802
00:54:12.540 --> 00:54:16.086
If I was having a bad day at home,
or if I called him crying,
803
00:54:16.169 --> 00:54:18.296
it would be like,
"Harden the fuck up, Trish."
804
00:54:20.715 --> 00:54:25.303
She approached me and was like,
805
00:54:25.387 --> 00:54:27.180
"I can't do this anymore.
806
00:54:28.723 --> 00:54:32.936
You're totally emotionally unavailable."
807
00:54:33.687 --> 00:54:36.523
And so for me, it was like,
808
00:54:37.190 --> 00:54:39.985
"We've got to find a different language
for us to communicate.":
809
00:54:40.068 --> 00:54:44.280
And it was at that time
I encouraged him to go
810
00:54:44.364 --> 00:54:49.035
on this therapeutic process
of exploring our negative love patterns
811
00:54:49.119 --> 00:54:53.164
and the way and why's
of how we show up in this world.
812
00:54:53.248 --> 00:54:54.666
Who uses therapy?
813
00:54:54.749 --> 00:55:00.672
I spent the better part of my youth
making fun of that shit.
814
00:55:00.755 --> 00:55:03.508
[Patricia] There was so much
he hadn't dealt with in his childhood.
815
00:55:03.591 --> 00:55:05.844
There was so much that was glaringly clear
816
00:55:05.927 --> 00:55:08.555
that needed to be healed
in his relationships.
817
00:55:09.931 --> 00:55:14.352
5I had started to wrap my head
around the idea of surrendering,
818
00:55:15.020 --> 00:55:18.940
and I, at that point,
819
00:55:19.774 --> 00:55:24.070
listened to what she had to say,
and uh...
820
00:55:26.531 --> 00:55:27.991
I went and got help.
821
00:55:30.285 --> 00:55:35.165
I very slowly started having conversation.
822
00:55:36.708 --> 00:55:38.793
The more I started to talk about it,
823
00:55:39.878 --> 00:55:44.340
the more healing started to happen.
824
00:55:45.800 --> 00:55:50.847
I could feel that vulnerability
was strength, it wasn't weakness.
825
00:55:50.930 --> 00:55:54.851
And vulnerability was the way forward.
826
00:55:54.934 --> 00:55:59.105
[Patricia] You know, he really took
a deep dive into yoga, and meditation,
827
00:55:59.189 --> 00:56:01.900
and reading, and aligning for once,
828
00:56:03.276 --> 00:56:07.864
that he could lead with his heart
and also be a fierce athlete.
829
00:56:09.199 --> 00:56:12.911
[Willie] At some point, he couldn't live
behind that curtain anymore.
830
00:56:13.953 --> 00:56:17.082
He saw the benefit of coming out
from behind that a little bit.
831
00:56:17.707 --> 00:56:19.626
And putting himself forward,
832
00:56:19.709 --> 00:56:22.420
not what he had done
in his life previously,
833
00:56:22.504 --> 00:56:25.715
not his accomplishments, not his,
you know, the feathers in his cap,
834
00:56:25.799 --> 00:56:30.136
but more like, "Who am I right now?
What's my truth?"
835
00:56:31.888 --> 00:56:35.100
[Scott] Now, I was not only
physically healing,
836
00:56:35.642 --> 00:56:38.436
but I was mentally
and spiritually healing.
837
00:56:38.937 --> 00:56:42.690
He was wanting to try on kayaking again.
838
00:56:43.441 --> 00:56:46.402
And I don't think I fully understood
839
00:56:46.820 --> 00:56:49.906
or could comprehend the magnitude
of what that meant for him.
840
00:56:51.741 --> 00:56:56.037
[Dustin] The only thing left for him to do
is get back on the horse
841
00:56:56.121 --> 00:56:58.289
and start being the athlete that he was.
842
00:57:00.208 --> 00:57:03.002
[Scott] I just told myself,
"Get out of bed and go.
843
00:57:03.586 --> 00:57:07.924
Don't worry about anything else other than
just put yourself in a space
844
00:57:08.007 --> 00:57:11.052
to go sit in the thing,
force yourself to get in there."
845
00:57:12.095 --> 00:57:14.430
And I slowly start getting back
into kayaking.
846
00:57:15.515 --> 00:57:19.394
And the first month was humbling.
847
00:57:26.943 --> 00:57:28.236
I swam a lot.
848
00:57:29.863 --> 00:57:30.905
[faint scream]
849
00:57:32.115 --> 00:57:33.700
I missed a lot of moves.
850
00:57:49.174 --> 00:57:52.177
I was getting my ass kicked
on a regular basis.
851
00:58:04.564 --> 00:58:07.358
It was literally like starting over
from scratch.
852
00:58:11.070 --> 00:58:14.908
But then, I started to feel better.
853
00:58:19.996 --> 00:58:22.874
It started to become like second nature.
854
00:58:32.842 --> 00:58:36.846
And I was starting to feel that love again
855
00:58:37.514 --> 00:58:40.266
from having the river back in my life.
856
00:58:41.434 --> 00:58:42.727
I was healing.
857
00:58:46.481 --> 00:58:49.317
I knew I had to go back
to the North Fork of the Payette.
858
00:58:49.400 --> 00:58:54.322
It was where it all began,
and it's a place that meant so much to me.
859
00:58:54.989 --> 00:58:57.283
I'm getting in my car
to go up to the North Fork,
860
00:58:57.367 --> 00:59:01.246
and this kid comes out,
and I had met Aniol.
861
00:59:02.330 --> 00:59:03.623
[crowd cheers]
862
00:59:13.216 --> 00:59:16.844
And I knew he was one of the best kayakers
in the world.
863
00:59:21.307 --> 00:59:22.850
He's like, "Hey, you going up
to the river?"
864
00:59:22.934 --> 00:59:24.435
I was like, "Yeah, I'm going up
to the river."
865
00:59:24.519 --> 00:59:27.063
And he was like,
"Cool. Can I catch a ride with you?"
866
00:59:27.146 --> 00:59:29.482
And I was like, "No problem, kid.
Go grab your shit."
867
00:59:30.108 --> 00:59:32.151 line:5%
Back in the day, yeah, he was the idol.
868
00:59:32.235 --> 00:59:34.362 line:5%
You know, he was the person to look up to.
869
00:59:34.445 --> 00:59:36.781
And many stories came
on that one-hour drive.
870
00:59:36.864 --> 00:59:40.952
We talked about how he really wanted
to paddle the four rivers.
871
00:59:41.995 --> 00:59:45.081
[Scott] And he was like,
"What's the fourth river?"
872
00:59:45.623 --> 00:59:49.127
[Aniol] It happened to be that
that year I was going to Pakistan.
873
00:59:49.544 --> 00:59:51.337
[Scott] And he invited me to the Indus.
874
00:59:52.088 --> 00:59:54.882 line:5%
It just sent a bolt of lightning
down my spine.
875
00:59:55.466 --> 00:59:59.345 line:5%
I won't believe it until I'm going,
but yeah, let's do this.
876
01:00:00.805 --> 01:00:02.682
What Aniol did for me,
877
01:00:02.765 --> 01:00:08.146
I would have never done for somebody else
in my situation.
878
01:00:09.188 --> 01:00:14.736
Taking me back in and letting me
relearn something that I had lost.
879
01:00:15.570 --> 01:00:18.406
At the beginning,
he was more like an idol to me.
880
01:00:18.990 --> 01:00:22.410
You know, the great Scott,
the great kayaker, the legend.
881
01:00:22.994 --> 01:00:24.412
As months went by,
882
01:00:24.495 --> 01:00:26.914
he just has become
a really good friend of mine.
883
01:00:28.041 --> 01:00:32.754
[Scott] I had spent the better part
of my kayaking career
884
01:00:32.837 --> 01:00:37.592
ostracizing any form of weakness.
And here I was,
885
01:00:37.967 --> 01:00:39.552
by far the weakest link,
886
01:00:39.886 --> 01:00:44.932
and my friends in the kayaking community
didn't ostracize me.
887
01:01:03.534 --> 01:01:07.163
I've surrendered to the fact
that if I get hurt, it wasn't meant to be.
888
01:01:07.246 --> 01:01:09.957
If I die trying, so be it.
889
01:01:10.291 --> 01:01:15.088
And that's when the work
really started to pay off.
890
01:02:10.435 --> 01:02:14.605
That was insane.
I'm so fucking grateful for you guys.
891
01:02:14.689 --> 01:02:15.815
Holy shit.
892
01:02:21.195 --> 01:02:25.908
I was looking towards a bunch
of 20-something year old kids
893
01:02:25.992 --> 01:02:27.577
to get me back in shape
894
01:02:28.202 --> 01:02:30.705
to go run the Indus.
895
01:02:32.206 --> 01:02:34.917
And I'm set to go in for an MRI.
896
01:02:38.504 --> 01:02:41.340
This is kind of my reality once a year.
897
01:02:41.424 --> 01:02:42.258
Um...
898
01:02:43.176 --> 01:02:44.635
I go get a picture taken
899
01:02:44.719 --> 01:02:48.973
and basically it lets me know
if my tumor's stable or not.
900
01:02:50.933 --> 01:02:55.021
Doctor Jian called me up, and he's like,
901
01:02:55.104 --> 01:02:59.525
"Hey, it's time to do radiation.
Your tumor's growing."
902
01:03:00.485 --> 01:03:04.739
And I remember they explained what it is
that he would need to go through,
903
01:03:04.822 --> 01:03:07.241
radiation,
and different treatment options.
904
01:03:07.909 --> 01:03:12.371
And I remember so distinctly at that time,
Scott was like, "Fuck it."
905
01:03:12.622 --> 01:03:15.500
And so I canceled
all my doctor's appointments.
906
01:03:15.583 --> 01:03:18.836
I didn't want to know.
I didn't fucking care.
907
01:03:18.920 --> 01:03:20.421
The only thing I thought about
908
01:03:20.505 --> 01:03:23.508
was getting myself in a space
to safely go kayak the Indus.
909
01:03:23.591 --> 01:03:24.842
That's all I cared about.
910
01:03:25.468 --> 01:03:31.516
[Patricia] Pakistan became this rift,
I think, in our relationship.
911
01:03:31.766 --> 01:03:36.521
Thank you, thank you, for letting me go.
Oh, my God.
912
01:03:37.647 --> 01:03:39.857
[Patricia] Me or God?
[laughs]
913
01:03:39.941 --> 01:03:43.361
Everything, you, God, my body,
914
01:03:43.903 --> 01:03:48.199
my brain, my tumor, everything.
It's so good.
915
01:03:49.492 --> 01:03:53.830
At that point, he had made it
so crystal clear in his mind
916
01:03:53.913 --> 01:04:00.336
that no one and nothing would come
in the way of him running the Indus.
917
01:04:01.587 --> 01:04:03.047
And I think, for me,
918
01:04:03.548 --> 01:04:08.719
you know, not only did I have a partner
that had a brain tumor,
919
01:04:09.512 --> 01:04:14.642
I then had a partner who was going
to go risk his life in another way.
920
01:04:15.476 --> 01:04:20.022
How do you sit back and wait
for what's going to come of that?
921
01:04:22.817 --> 01:04:25.194
We were faced with this choice point
922
01:04:25.278 --> 01:04:28.614
of do we continue on this path
of our love,
923
01:04:28.698 --> 01:04:32.535
or do we honor our souls
and go our separate ways?
924
01:04:32.618 --> 01:04:36.873
And I think that we made the choice
to honor ourselves.
925
01:04:36.956 --> 01:04:40.626
And for Scott,
it was to go run this river.
926
01:04:45.006 --> 01:04:48.301
[woman] Ladies and gentlemen,
we thank you for flying with us...
927
01:04:52.805 --> 01:04:56.392
[Scott] Where this all goes at the moment
is like the biggest question mark ever.
928
01:05:12.199 --> 01:05:14.702
I'm scared shitless to do radiation,
929
01:05:14.785 --> 01:05:18.497
and I'm scared shitless
to do another surgery.
930
01:05:18.581 --> 01:05:20.833
I'm a fighter, and I'll fight,
931
01:05:20.917 --> 01:05:24.420
but I think, you know, if it gets the best
of me, it gets the best of me.
932
01:05:34.096 --> 01:05:35.806
[Aniol] I think, for me, there's no doubt
933
01:05:35.890 --> 01:05:38.517
that the Indus is the hardest river
I've ever done.
934
01:05:40.269 --> 01:05:44.357
And not only because of the number
of rapids, which is tremendous.
935
01:05:44.440 --> 01:05:46.275
There's over 200 class five rapids.
936
01:05:51.697 --> 01:05:53.866 line:5%
It's the length,
and being there every day,
937
01:05:53.950 --> 01:05:56.577 line:5%
pushing yourself
and being in a gorge locked in.
938
01:06:00.790 --> 01:06:03.376
[Scott] To be here right now is surreal.
939
01:06:03.793 --> 01:06:06.087
With where I'm at,
and how much I've forgotten,
940
01:06:06.170 --> 01:06:08.965
what I've been through,
I just didn't think it was gonna happen.
941
01:06:09.048 --> 01:06:10.591
I had given up on it.
942
01:06:12.635 --> 01:06:17.473
The surgery from my tumor
was the single most humbling thing
943
01:06:17.556 --> 01:06:18.766
that's ever happened to me.
944
01:06:18.849 --> 01:06:23.896
And then, to find out that my tumor
was growing again
945
01:06:24.647 --> 01:06:27.316
was another insanely humbling moment.
946
01:06:29.276 --> 01:06:33.531
Got the next eight to ten days
to put it all together.
947
01:06:34.323 --> 01:06:37.201
Super, super, super blessed,
and super, super grateful.
948
01:06:40.121 --> 01:06:42.873
[Aniol] Well, having Scott here
is really, really great.
949
01:06:42.957 --> 01:06:49.338
It's a culmination of a life's work,
and to be able to share that with him,
950
01:06:49.422 --> 01:06:54.260
with a person that I admire so much,
it's really a very unique experience.
951
01:06:57.263 --> 01:07:01.767
[Mike] I'd never met Scott until yesterday
when we arrived here in Pakistan.
952
01:07:01.851 --> 01:07:04.729
I didn't know anything
about his illnesses,
953
01:07:04.812 --> 01:07:07.023
or the troubles he'd had
in the last few years.
954
01:07:07.106 --> 01:07:08.774 line:5%
And he'd kind of been out of the scene
for so long,
955
01:07:08.858 --> 01:07:10.317 line:5%
and that was something
in the back of my head.
956
01:07:10.401 --> 01:07:12.778 line:5%
I was like,
"Man, has this guy still got it?
957
01:07:12.862 --> 01:07:15.448
Is he going to be able
to step forward and run the Indus?"
958
01:07:15.531 --> 01:07:17.408
Because we're not running a chill river.
959
01:07:17.491 --> 01:07:19.744
You know,
the Indus is the top of the game.
960
01:07:21.120 --> 01:07:23.330
[Benny] The fact that,
you know, after this trip,
961
01:07:24.165 --> 01:07:27.251
he's going home to an MRI
to check tumor growth.
962
01:07:27.334 --> 01:07:33.632 line:5%
He might not have the full life expectancy
that, you know, we all hope he would have.
963
01:07:37.553 --> 01:07:40.306
Woo-hoo! Here we go.
964
01:07:48.355 --> 01:07:52.610
[Aniol] I definitely have some
responsibility to guide the crew,
965
01:07:52.818 --> 01:07:55.988
help them out with our lines,
and know where we're going.
966
01:07:58.407 --> 01:08:01.994
I feel pretty confident that I know
the most important parts,
967
01:08:02.078 --> 01:08:05.873
but we are talking about
a couple hundred rapids out there.
968
01:08:05.956 --> 01:08:07.541
Some of the rapids are back-to-back,
969
01:08:07.625 --> 01:08:10.086
so if you were about to swim
on the top rapid,
970
01:08:10.169 --> 01:08:12.088
you would flash into the next one,
971
01:08:12.171 --> 01:08:16.634
and that just gives you a feeling
of never being safe.
972
01:08:17.176 --> 01:08:18.677
You are always on the line.
973
01:08:18.761 --> 01:08:22.056 line:5%
You are always on the edge,
and there's pressure out there.
974
01:08:22.139 --> 01:08:24.558 line:5%
It's not paddling without consequence.
975
01:08:47.957 --> 01:08:50.668
[Scott] Holy shit. Fuck!
976
01:09:12.898 --> 01:09:15.401
Hang on to that one. Grab on. Grab on.
977
01:09:17.319 --> 01:09:18.612
Grab on!
978
01:09:28.998 --> 01:09:32.251
I can't get you over this.
Sorry. Get out, get out.
979
01:09:36.797 --> 01:09:40.759
When Aniol took that swim,
I think all of us realized,
980
01:09:41.969 --> 01:09:45.014
if he could swim, anyone of us could swim.
981
01:09:47.016 --> 01:09:50.269
And that changed the tone
for me, personally.
982
01:09:54.356 --> 01:09:58.235
None of us really have much left in us
to take a big beat down at the moment.
983
01:09:58.319 --> 01:10:03.782
We're ready to get warm
and, uh, get a good night's rest,
984
01:10:03.866 --> 01:10:05.492
and go at it again tomorrow.
985
01:10:08.704 --> 01:10:13.167
I don't feel any pressure to do anything
more than I'm comfortable doing.
986
01:10:13.250 --> 01:10:16.462
And I'm just going to listen to my heart.
987
01:10:16.545 --> 01:10:20.716
And I hope that I end up in one piece
at the bottom of this thing.
988
01:10:22.718 --> 01:10:25.387
I'm not in a space
to be paving roads anymore.
989
01:10:25.638 --> 01:10:31.435
I'm more in a space of being blessed
to be back on the road.
990
01:10:53.040 --> 01:10:55.542
Just feeling super small
in here at the moment.
991
01:11:00.547 --> 01:11:03.968
[indistinct]
992
01:11:08.514 --> 01:11:09.640
Hey!
993
01:11:13.269 --> 01:11:14.186
Fuck!
994
01:11:14.853 --> 01:11:19.733
The rapids are long, they're complex,
and it's just a big puzzle.
995
01:11:19.817 --> 01:11:21.902
We're just slowly putting it together.
996
01:11:24.780 --> 01:11:29.660
There's multiple moves around,
just massive pour over holes
997
01:11:29.743 --> 01:11:32.079
that if you went into you were going
to for surely swim.
998
01:12:30.304 --> 01:12:36.310
With any sport, you have the generations
before you who set a precedent.
999
01:12:36.393 --> 01:12:41.523
Who take something and push it
as far as possible
1000
01:12:42.107 --> 01:12:47.404
until something else comes along
that's younger, that's more creative,
1001
01:12:47.488 --> 01:12:49.281
that's been studying
what you've been doing
1002
01:12:49.365 --> 01:12:51.283
from a very early age.
1003
01:12:53.452 --> 01:12:56.538
And now, I'm paddling
with all of these kids
1004
01:12:56.622 --> 01:13:00.501
that have taken the sport
to such an incredible level.
1005
01:13:00.876 --> 01:13:05.381
You know, I feel like I'm growing,
and I'm learning again.
1006
01:13:06.548 --> 01:13:10.636
Every single person on this expedition
has been unbelievable.
1007
01:13:10.719 --> 01:13:13.722
It was a lot different than it was
when I was their age.
1008
01:13:14.473 --> 01:13:16.392
There was no ego involved.
1009
01:13:17.393 --> 01:13:19.603
Woo! That was fucking awesome!
1010
01:13:20.312 --> 01:13:21.397
[all cheer]
1011
01:13:21.855 --> 01:13:26.443
It's been the most supportive expedition
that I've ever been in.
1012
01:13:30.989 --> 01:13:34.368
To be able to embrace that
and encourage that behavior
1013
01:13:34.451 --> 01:13:38.997
and to be a part of that is an honor
at this point in my life.
1014
01:13:43.752 --> 01:13:49.383
To see Benny,
and to watch Aniol shred that river apart.
1015
01:13:49.842 --> 01:13:52.010 line:5%
I was just blown away. I was awestruck.
1016
01:14:55.782 --> 01:14:57.493
[indistinct]
1017
01:15:02.831 --> 01:15:05.209
I've traveled a lot of places
in the world, and I love them all.
1018
01:15:05.626 --> 01:15:08.754
But this place has something special
for me. It's very unique.
1019
01:15:08.837 --> 01:15:12.799
I feel like at home, and the rivers,
the mountains, the good people,
1020
01:15:12.883 --> 01:15:17.471
it all makes a really good combo
of a good place to come and enjoy
1021
01:15:17.554 --> 01:15:20.641
and discover, because this area
is unlike anything I've seen.
1022
01:15:20.724 --> 01:15:21.850
Cheers, bro.
1023
01:15:21.934 --> 01:15:22.809
Yeah, thanks. Thank you.
1024
01:15:22.893 --> 01:15:24.019
Salud, amigo.
1025
01:15:24.102 --> 01:15:25.604
Damn, that's damn good.
1026
01:15:29.525 --> 01:15:34.655
[Scott] To know that we're about to drop
into is the crux of the run.
1027
01:15:34.738 --> 01:15:39.785
The anticipation is definitely there.
The nerves are a little bit there.
1028
01:15:57.010 --> 01:16:01.306
Just downstream here is a rapid
that I've had a little anticipation for.
1029
01:16:01.390 --> 01:16:04.726
It's called "Need for Speed."
It's so intimidating.
1030
01:16:19.408 --> 01:16:21.577
I tried to control everything in my life.
1031
01:16:23.912 --> 01:16:30.419
And once I realized, with my tumor,
that I had no control over that,
1032
01:16:31.837 --> 01:16:34.506
I just surrendered to the flow of life.
1033
01:16:42.931 --> 01:16:46.768
And I no longer try
to control the outcome to anything.
1034
01:16:48.312 --> 01:16:50.731
I just show up with my heart.
1035
01:16:53.650 --> 01:16:57.112
And it gave me so much freedom.
1036
01:17:40.322 --> 01:17:41.323
Yeah, dude.
1037
01:17:41.990 --> 01:17:43.158
We made it!
1038
01:17:43.241 --> 01:17:44.159
Thanks, buddy.
1039
01:17:44.242 --> 01:17:46.870
[Aniol] The fourth! Awesome, dude!
1040
01:17:46.953 --> 01:17:48.955
-I'm so glad we did it.
-[Scott] Thank you so much.
1041
01:17:54.127 --> 01:17:56.672
[Benny] I could see out of the corner
of my eye, Scott just...
1042
01:17:57.964 --> 01:17:59.716
He had his head down
on the spray deck.
1043
01:17:59.800 --> 01:18:01.843
And I could see how much that meant to him
1044
01:18:01.927 --> 01:18:06.223
to finally knock off this fourth river.
You know, it's been a 20-year journey.
1045
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:07.974
Fuck, yeah.
1046
01:18:13.480 --> 01:18:15.982
[Scott] Never, ever would I have thought
I could have made it.
1047
01:18:51.601 --> 01:18:52.728
Made it.
1048
01:18:53.979 --> 01:18:56.815
[indistinct chatter]
1049
01:18:57.482 --> 01:18:59.317
This is a true story.
1050
01:19:03.697 --> 01:19:07.701
When I finished the Indus,
I had an MRI lined up.
1051
01:19:10.704 --> 01:19:15.041
And I thought for sure it had grown.
For sure.
1052
01:19:17.085 --> 01:19:20.255
It was told, once it starts growing,
it typically doesn't stop.
1053
01:19:22.674 --> 01:19:24.885
And I go in for the MRI,
1054
01:19:25.427 --> 01:19:29.598
anxiously waiting to hear
how much it's grown.
1055
01:19:32.934 --> 01:19:37.063
And I get a call from Doctor Jian,
1056
01:19:38.940 --> 01:19:41.568
"Hey, I just want to let you know
that, um...
1057
01:19:43.445 --> 01:19:45.489
there's been no growth in your tumor."
1058
01:19:48.992 --> 01:19:51.578
I couldn't believe what had just happened.
1059
01:19:52.829 --> 01:19:56.333
It's just unbelievable to me
that kayaking,
1060
01:19:56.416 --> 01:19:59.711
and opening yourself up
to the people around you
1061
01:19:59.795 --> 01:20:03.465
would have ever had an effect
on tumor growth,
1062
01:20:03.548 --> 01:20:05.509
or anything, for that matter.
1063
01:20:07.969 --> 01:20:09.012
Imagine that.
1064
01:20:22.651 --> 01:20:27.948
I ended up with something that, initially,
I looked at as...
1065
01:20:29.241 --> 01:20:32.410
a weakness, and was the thing
that brought me down.
1066
01:20:33.453 --> 01:20:36.373
And now, I look back at it.
1067
01:20:39.125 --> 01:20:41.127
It's like the best thing
that ever happened to me.
1068
01:20:44.047 --> 01:20:45.966
And I'm here to live to tell about it.
1069
01:20:54.182 --> 01:20:56.977
[outro music]
1070
01:25:33.128 --> 01:25:34.838
There's an amazing guy.
1071
01:25:40.760 --> 01:25:42.554
Very, very good.
1072
01:25:44.472 --> 01:25:46.224
Okay. Good.