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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(gentle music)

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Our earliest experiences
being in the womb

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form the template of
who we believe we are,

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about how we see other people,

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and our place in the world.

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When I see human faces, I see beauty,

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I see tremendous suffering

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and enormous potential for transcendence.

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A Greek playwright wrote
that the Gods created us

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human beings so that we
have to suffer into truth.

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Our job as human beings is to learn

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from our suffering and to grow from it.

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We don't have to keep
perpetuating pain for ourselves

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and inflicting suffering onto others.

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In working with so many other people,

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I've learned that working

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through trauma can teach us so much wisdom

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and can reveal the
beauty of our existence,

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that because of trauma,
you had lost sight of.

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(gentle music)

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(rain pattering)

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My name is Gabor Maté and
I'm a retired medical doctor

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and these days I travel the world speaking

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and teaching about child
development, health,

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illness, stress and trauma.

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And speaking about trauma is really part

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of the zeitgeist these days.

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And I'm very passionate
about it for a simple reason:

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because in 30 years or
more of medical practice

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and of addiction medicine,

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what I found was that the common template

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for virtually all
afflictions, mental illness,

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physical disease is in fact trauma.

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And there's a wisdom in trauma

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when we realize that our
traumatic responses and imprints

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are not ourselves and that
we can work them through

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and thus become ourselves.

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(gentle music)

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(people chattering)

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Virtually every week there's a study

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that more and more people are needing

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or seeking help for mental health issues.

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More and more youth are
diagnosed with anxiety,

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many more kids are diagnosed
with the whole plethora

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of childhood conditions, such as ADHD,

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(Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

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Depression is rising,
youth suicide is rising,

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addictions are rising.

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Genuinely, it's an epidemic.

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20% of youth or more are
now diagnosable with anxiety

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according to all the recent studies.

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That's one-fifth.

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And those are all only people

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who are sufficiently
anxious to be diagnosed.

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We're talking about an epidemic.

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- When you grew up in a
circumstance like I grew up,

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you're waiting for
somebody to scream at you,

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you're waiting for something to be thrown,

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you don't know if you're going to eat,

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you don't know if you're
going to be evicted.

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So you're constantly anxious and stressed.

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I used to think this was a rarity

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but when I talked to people,

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a huge number of people have
these traumatic experiences

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as a child that carry,
they carry with them.

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It's like a monkey on your back.

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(disembodied whispering)
(soft music)

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- Trauma is an overwhelming threat

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that you don't how to deal with.

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So trauma is not the bad
things that happen to you,

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but what happens inside you

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as a result of what happens to you.

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(police radio chatter)
(sirens wailing)

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- My father was shot and
killed on December 25th, 1999.

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They found his body in
someone's front yard.

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So essentially I didn't
have anybody to raise me.

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So I was raised in the
juvenile court system.

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I've lived on the streets

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since I was 10-years-old by myself.

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The law didn't scare me.

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I mean, they could have locked me up,

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I mean what's the difference?

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Nobody out here is gonna miss me.

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- My mother, alcoholic. Bad alcoholic.

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My father, sex addiction.

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His sex addiction ruined our whole family.

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Cheating. Caused divorce.

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(man and woman shouting)

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I started heroin at 26.

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That's what really destroyed me.

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It just takes the pain away.

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I tried building my dream so many times.

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I don't really have a dream no more.

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- So trauma fundamentally means
a disconnection from self.

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Why do we get disconnected?

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Because it's too painful to be ourselves.

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That then becomes a lifelong dynamic.

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I no longer know how
to deal with emotions.

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It means that in relationships
when I feel a bit hurt,

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I immediately withdraw
so I don't have to feel

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those emotions that I
don't know what to do with.

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So there's a disconnect.

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It also means that when
I have a gut feelings,

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I don't follow them.

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So I create situations of risk for myself.

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The trauma also affects
how our brains develop.

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Certain key brain circuits
that have to do with

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how we react and respond
and regulate ourselves,

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how we handle stress, how we
interact with other people,

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how much empathy and insight we have,

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how much compassionate we have.

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These functions of the mid-frontal cortex

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are limited and constricted by trauma

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because we now know
that the brain develops

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in interaction with the environment.

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So the brains of traumatized children

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don't look like the brains
of non-traumatized children.

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- [Boy] You can take it, please.

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- [Man] I've had enough of your crap.

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You're gonna start acting like a young man

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instead of a toddler.

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- [Woman] As a matter of fact,

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her ass is on punishment right now

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and she ain't even gonna
go the fuck back outside.

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- [Teenager] What the fuck are you doing?

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Dad, I swear to god.

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- [Boy] No, no, wait.

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- [Man] There's no other way for

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you to learn this.
- Dad.

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Please, stop.

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(gentle music)

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- During your first 18 years of life,

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if a parent or other
adult in the household

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often or very often would swear at you,

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insult you, put you down or humiliate you,

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step inside the circle.

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(inmates chattering)

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If a parent or other
adult in the household

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often pushed, grabbed, slapped

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or threw something at you,
step inside the circle.

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If a parent or other
adult in the household

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often or very often ever hit you so hard

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that you had marks or were
injured, step inside the circle.

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If you often felt that no
one in your family loved you,

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step inside the circle.

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Step inside the circle.

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(tense music)

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I think society got prison wrong

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and they're seeing
what's wrong with people

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instead of what happened to people.

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Our mission at Compassion Prison Project

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is to transform communities and prisons

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with compassionate action.

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An adverse childhood
experience is a terrible event

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that continues to happen to a child.

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And there's no way to know
when it's gonna happen again,

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which puts the kid into
a hypervigilant state.

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I have eight of those
aces, and when I found out

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I have eight adverse childhood experiences

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and that my behavior was a direct result

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of the trauma that I
experienced in childhood,

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it changed my life.

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Men and women in prison, 64% of them

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have six or more of those.

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(wind blowing)

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(car engine roaring)

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(birds chirping)

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(laughing)

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(foot step approaching)

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- Hi. Gabor.

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- Monique.
- Monique?

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Hi, Gabor.

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(laughing)

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I feel like I'm in a throne.

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I wanna talk to you guys about why

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you think you got addicted,

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about what may have
happened to you as a child,

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the way you saw yourself as
being deficient, somehow.

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- I was kidnapped at 16 and sold off.

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So that's a trauma and
that's just something that's

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in my life that you
can't turn around, right?

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- [Gabor] Kidnapped by whom?

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- It was a taxi driver who
took me and a girlfriend

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when we were 16.
- Okay.

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- [Alicia] And held us
for six months in a motel

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and sold off my virginity.

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(tense music)

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car engine roaring)

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- [Gabor] And the police was looking

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for you all that time, and...

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- Well, my mom just thought
that I had run away from home,

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so she didn't look for me.
- She didn't look for you?

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- [Alicia] No.

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- I really need your permission to

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continue or not to continue.
- It's okay.

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I give my permission.

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- The taxi driver knew
exactly who to kidnap.

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(car engine roaring)

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The predator can always tell
who is without proection.

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Anybody hit you as a child?

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- [Alicia] Yes, my father.

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He would spank us and take a belt to us.

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- Do you remember how that felt to you?

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- Like I just remember the pain of it,

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instead of thinking, oh, why?

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Why did I deserve this?

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I just remember the pain and the...

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- [Gabor] And how long did that go on for?

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- Well until I was approximately 16

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and started fighting back.

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- So, 10 or 11 years?
- Yeah.

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- Okay.

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Let's say you're the
mother of the five-year-old

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and this five-year-old
is being hit with a belt,

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and she's in pain.

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She doesn't understand, you know,

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she's just, it just hurts.

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And it hurts emotionally

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because this man who is supposed
to love me is beating me.

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So when you're being hit like that,

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there's only two possibilities.

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My father is a bad person or hates me

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or I'm a bad person.

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So the only protection is to believe that,

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oh, I'm not lovable.

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Let's say you're the mother
of the five-year-old.

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Who would you want that
five-year-old to talk to?

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- [Alicia] Myself.

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- Okay. Who did you talk to?

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- Nobody.

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- That's the trauma.

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In other words, by the time
you were five-years-old,

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you were completely alone.
(child sobbing)

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What I'm suggesting really, Alicia,

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is that your mother was traumatized, too.

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Do you know anything about her childhood?

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- Well, she was abused as a child as well

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from an alcoholic father.

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- See, she learned in her childhood

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not to pay attention to her feelings.

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That's the only way she could survive.

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- [Alicia] Yeah.

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- So the reason she didn't know it

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was not because she didn't love you,

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but because she herself
was shut down inside.

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And that's what I'm saying,

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it's multi-generational

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- Mm-hm.
- Okay?

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- It sucks.
- Yeah.

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You can't pick out who's at fault here.

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It didn't begin with anybody.

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It goes on and on and on from
one generation to the next.

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(gentle music)

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- We were talking about
the effects of slavery

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on our behavior, and
I'll be honest with you,

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I ain't agree with it
when I first heard it.

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But then when he talked
about the discipline

260
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,050
I had a flashback of how
I used to get whipped

261
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:03,968
with a bullwhip.

262
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:05,928
Naked.

263
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,097
I hadn't put the two and two together,

264
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,517
but I realized, that's
how slaves were whipped,

265
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,018
because it was generational trauma

266
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,313
passed on from one
mother to another mother

267
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,858
to another mother and
then passed on to me.

268
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986
I still got marks on my
legs and stuff behind that.

269
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,946
And I just remembered there
was no one I could run to.

270
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,489
No one that would help me.

271
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,575
And she just was telling
me how much she loved me

272
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,035
as she cried and she
beat me with a bullwhip.

273
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:37,001
(soft, tense music)
(soft vocalizing)

274
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,174
(soft music)

275
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,470
- [Woman] He's the best-selling
author of four books

276
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:51,765
published in 12 languages
sold on five continents.

277
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,686
Please welcome Dr. Gabor Maté.

278
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:59,273
(applause)
(cheering)

279
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,191
- I actually wrote my speech out tonight,

280
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,111
which I don't usually do
but maybe of nervousness

281
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:06,572
in front of this group of strong women.

282
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,781
(audience laughing)

283
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,284
The truth is that guys
are afraid of women.

284
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,243
(audience laughing)

285
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,913
I don't know if you
realize that, but that's,

286
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,957
a lot of the stuff that we
do is totally out of fear.

287
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:17,791
Well,

288
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:23,505
When you felt bad as a
kid, who did you speak to?

289
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,343
When the pain is there and
there's no one to share it with,

290
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,304
and the child's got
very limited resources,

291
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,972
to deal with that, and what they do

292
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,099
is they disconnect from themselves.

293
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,769
When you disconnect from yourself,

294
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,395
you no longer have yourself.

295
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,813
You've lost yourself.

296
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,190
When we talk about trauma,

297
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:46,278
we usually think of something
terrible happening to a person

298
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,739
but that's not the only trauma there is.

299
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,282
As the other kind of trauma may not

300
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,494
have to do with terrible
things happening to you.

301
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,995
- Most people look at my childhood

302
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,039
and they're like: damn, you had an awesome

303
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:02,044
childhood, and because I had everything.

304
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:06,548
I come from upper, upper middle
class, you know, in Idaho,

305
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:10,511
and I got everything given to me,

306
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,763
but that was their way of parenting.

307
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,722
They'd give me everything.

308
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,058
So I'd shut up and wouldn't bug them.

309
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,893
They were too busy, they
were always working.

310
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,690
- So children don't get
traumatized because they get hurt.

311
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,400
Children get traumatized because

312
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,485
they're alone with the hurt.

313
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,028
- I'm a lifer inmate.

314
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,447
I'm here on a first degree murder.

315
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,616
I committed my crime
when I was 20-years-old.

316
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:36,704
And I asked myself what events in my life

317
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,789
brought me to the point
where I could think

318
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,749
that it's okay to take a human life?

319
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,752
And it had to deal with a lot of

320
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,130
adverse childhood experiences.

321
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,966
My main one as to why I
started going downhill

322
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,469
was being abandoned by my father.

323
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,387
I looked up to him.

324
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,015
I wanted to be just like my dad.

325
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,975
He was my hero.

326
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,353
When I turned eight or nine-years-old,

327
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,399
he got deported to Mexico,
and that devastated me.

328
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,443
As a kid, my mom used to tell me,

329
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:11,405
Mi hijo, pray to God
that he will come back,

330
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,573
but he never came.

331
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,705
- A baby that you don't
pick up will actually die.

332
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,498
Even if you feed them and you change them

333
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,167
and look after them,

334
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,587
because they get overwhelmed
by their feelings

335
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,422
and they get over stressed.

336
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,427
And so the baby needs the
mother's and the father's brain

337
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:38,807
to regulate her own brain,
to regulate her emotions.

338
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,477
It's not just that you're overwhelmed.

339
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,645
It's also there's nobody
there to hold you.

340
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:47,191
(baby crying)

341
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,736
There's a huge school of
thought in North America

342
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,322
that teaches mothers to
help their babies sleep

343
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,615
by ignoring their crying.

344
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,620
Nevermind the mother's milk,

345
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,081
the infant just wants to attach,

346
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,958
because the only way the infant
can attach is physically.

347
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,177
When he's not being held, he's
not being attached to them.

348
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,013
When that's done night
after night after night,

349
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,973
that's traumatic. And we're still telling

350
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,183
mothers to do that.

351
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,689
If you actually look
at genuine human needs,

352
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,526
if you connect the gut and
the heart and the soul,

353
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,236
then there's nothing more normal

354
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,780
than a child sleeping
in the arms of a parent.

355
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:45,707
So I've often thought about
the sources of my own issues.

356
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:49,002
An infant two months of age in Hungary,

357
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,589
when the Germans, the Nazis,
marched into the country

358
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,217
and they began to exterminate
the Jewish population.

359
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,302
So that was my first year of life,

360
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,806
with a terrorized mother,
grandparents killed in Auschwitz,

361
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,183
a father away in forced labor,

362
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:08,188
antisemitism, the ever nearing
shadow of annihilation,

363
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,024
and ultimately a
separation from my mother.

364
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,278
I was a little short of one-year-old

365
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,114
when my mother had to
hand me to a stranger

366
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,615
in the ghetto of Budapest

367
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,412
and send me away to some
relatives in hiding,

368
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,165
so we didn't see each other for six weeks,

369
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,250
and she didn't know if
she would live or not.

370
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,460
In her diary she said: "this was

371
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,713
the hardest six weeks of her life."

372
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,801
That was the experience of the first

373
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,220
nearly year and a half of my life.

374
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,472
And sometimes I thought, well, gee,

375
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,600
I must have received a lot
of love at the same time

376
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,227
otherwise I'd be a lot more
crazy than I actually am.

377
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:51,732
For trauma to happen,

378
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,651
you don't need second World
War and you don't need racism,

379
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:55,861
you don't need genocide,

380
00:19:55,861 --> 00:20:00,240
and you don't need the privations of war.

381
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,369
You just need parents who are so alienated

382
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,496
from their own gut
feelings that they will let

383
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,874
their infants cry without picking them up

384
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,418
and that child is desperate
for a relationship.

385
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,419
That's all it takes.

386
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:21,303
(footsteps approaching)

387
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,390
- Well, hi.
- Hi Alison.

388
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,059
- Welcome.
- Hi, Gabor.

389
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,685
- [Alison] Welcome, Gabor.

390
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:29,519
- Wow.

391
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,813
What a view.

392
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:32,814
- Thank you.

393
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:39,696
For me being a drug addict,
the deep down need to escape,

394
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:47,329
I think it's almost into
a more realistic place

395
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:51,500
than the insanity that we see,
the chaos we see around us.

396
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,586
I just wanted that place all the time.

397
00:20:56,713 --> 00:21:00,717
I can really talk for the
37 years I've been recovered

398
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:05,514
and have had slips in
the program, quote, AA.

399
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,515
- [Gabor] And what's the fear?

400
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,183
- Well, the fear is I'll be abandoned.

401
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,935
It's back with the homo sapiens,

402
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,062
I'll be thrown out of the cave.

403
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,189
- What is your fear of being abandoned?

404
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,774
- Well naturally that I'll die

405
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,027
unless I do all of the
stuff for other people.

406
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,989
- [Gabor] When you do all
the stuff for the people,

407
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,198
- [Alison] Mm-hm.

408
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,284
- [Gabor] what are you doing to yourself?

409
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,952
- I'm abandoning me.
- Yeah.

410
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:27,869
- Yeah.
- Okay.

411
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,997
- Yeah.
- So you're actually enacting

412
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,582
your worst fear.
- Mm-hm.

413
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,796
I was the youngest of five,
very ambitious family,

414
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:41,466
very successful, except
everyone's an alcoholic.

415
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:43,927
I go in the bar, they're drinking.

416
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:46,096
(people chattering)

417
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,264
There's no room for me.

418
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,933
It's like, oh, shut up Alison, shut up.

419
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,310
You're wrong. You're wrong.

420
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,854
So my job was to be wrong in the family.

421
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,026
I'll never forget my mother saying to me:

422
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,737
"I just don't understand you!"

423
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,822
And I was six-years-old and I thought,

424
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,326
my god, if you don't
understand me, I'm lost.

425
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,081
- Allow me to give you
another perception of you.

426
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,916
You're the one that more than others

427
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,919
absorbs all the pain and
stress in the family.

428
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:22,883
And then you manifest it and
they can't stand seeing it.

429
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,052
So in exiling you, they're exiling

430
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,179
their own pain and stress.
- Right, right.

431
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:34,478
- As a child, we have
two fundamental needs.

432
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,067
One need that's with us since infancy,

433
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:43,445
and it's absolute and it's
not negotiable is attachment.

434
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,159
And so the other need
then is authenticity.

435
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,497
Authenticity, therefore, is
the connection to ourselves,

436
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:55,832
because without authenticity,

437
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,459
without a connection to our gut feelings,

438
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,920
just how long do you
survive out there in nature?

439
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,092
So authenticity is not some new age,

440
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:07,344
pseudo-spiritual concept.

441
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,805
It's actually a survival necessity.

442
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:16,895
(balloons popping)

443
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,688
(tense music)

444
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:21,108
What happens if in order to survive

445
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:24,277
or to adjust to your environment,

446
00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,488
you have to suppress your gut feelings,

447
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:28,407
you have to suppress your authenticity?

448
00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:30,867
(mirror shatters)

449
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,702
So normal society does not allow anger,

450
00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,790
and the child who's
angry must be separated.

451
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,916
In other words, we have to threaten

452
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:41,253
his attachment to relationships,
on which is life depends

453
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,130
so that he can suppress his emotions.

454
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,632
Well that child, if he
learns the lesson well,

455
00:23:45,632 --> 00:23:47,551
will disconnect from their anger,

456
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,428
and then he's a sitting
duck for depression,

457
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,721
mental illness or for physical illness.

458
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,267
Okay, so kid is angry,
but how about helping him

459
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,727
move through the anger to
learn how to modulate it?

460
00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,647
Not to repress it, but to learn
to become friends with it.

461
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:03,442
We don't want people that are not angry.

462
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,110
We want people to know that anger

463
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,653
doesn't have to be destructive.

464
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,074
What were you pushing down
when you were depressed?

465
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:13,994
- Anger.
- Right.

466
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,579
You were pushing down-
- Rage.

467
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,872
- You were pushing down your anger, right?

468
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:17,706
- [Alison] Yeah.

469
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,543
- [Gabor] Can you see how
why for a six-year-old

470
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,504
it might be a really brilliant
idea to push down the rage?

471
00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:25,338
- Yeah.

472
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:26,173
- Why?

473
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,967
- For survival.

474
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:29,801
- Exactly.

475
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,013
You talked about your many failures.

476
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,599
I just want you to pick one.

477
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:39,352
- The fear if left on my
own, I won't get out of bed.

478
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,147
I've done that before.

479
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,527
- [Gabor] And you regard
that as a failure?

480
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,863
- [Alison] Falling apart I
regard that as a failure.

481
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:50,989
- [Gabor] You regard that as a failure?

482
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:51,823
- [Alison] Right.

483
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:52,782
- Okay.

484
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:54,534
So your failure is that you got depressed

485
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,661
and as you put it, you fell apart.

486
00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:57,537
Is that the failure?

487
00:24:57,537 --> 00:24:59,164
- [Alison] Yeah.

488
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,707
- [Gabor] Just identify the age that you

489
00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,626
first recall being depressed then.

490
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:08,256
- Probably about six or seven.

491
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:09,841
- [Gabor] How old are your kids now?

492
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,386
My oldest daughter is 33,

493
00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:17,224
my son is 30 and my
youngest daughter's 27.

494
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,058
- [Gabor] Okay.

495
00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:21,561
Choose one as a thought
experiment right now,

496
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:23,772
and I want you to imagine
them at age seven.

497
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,690
- Mm-hm.

498
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,359
- Let's say they get depressed.

499
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:33,615
Would you go to them and
say: "You are total failure?"

500
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:35,575
- [Alison] Of course not.

501
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:37,077
- Why not?

502
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:39,162
Notice you're calling yourself a failure?

503
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:44,376
I'm going to say something radical to you.

504
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,210
- Okay.

505
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,212
- The depression was a major success,

506
00:25:48,421 --> 00:25:49,256
not a failure.

507
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:52,467
Okay? Now I know that
sounds ridiculous, but-

508
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:53,885
- No, no. I'm listening.

509
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:56,972
You're telling me that having that pain

510
00:25:56,972 --> 00:26:00,600
showed me deeper inside of myself,

511
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,853
how I was abandoning myself.
- Precisely.

512
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:06,189
So maybe you want to stop
calling it a failure.

513
00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:07,607
- [Alison] Mm-hm.

514
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,570
- [Gabor] You go through
your whole life like that

515
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,447
and see how everything that
you judge about yourself

516
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,491
actually served the purpose at the time.

517
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:17,325
- Yeah.

518
00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:19,536
Yeah.

519
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:22,998
Mm-hm.

520
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,874
- Really, isn't it simple?
- It is simple.

521
00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:31,423
- Gabor Maté, thanks very much
for coming on Under the Skin.

522
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,341
The reason I'm so excited to talk to you,

523
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:35,635
the reason that I believe
you're having such

524
00:26:35,635 --> 00:26:39,264
an important cultural
impact is because of your

525
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:43,435
rare compassion and insight
into the world of addiction.

526
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,520
When it was heroin, I would like have,

527
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,732
I would reflect. Well, after
I'd used and just go, right,

528
00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,400
this isn't for me, this has got to stop.

529
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,193
This is not a sustainable system.

530
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:53,486
- You think you'd never need it anymore

531
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:54,821
'cause you feel complete.
- Mm.

532
00:26:54,821 --> 00:26:57,782
- And then comes the
remorse of what have I done?

533
00:26:57,782 --> 00:26:59,618
And then you say I don't need
to do to this ever again.

534
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:00,452
(Russell laughs)

535
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,745
And then by the time I'm home,

536
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:02,871
I'm running back to the store again

537
00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,665
to get the next thing that I didn't buy.

538
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:08,877
In the life of every person
who's ever been addicted

539
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:11,671
and ever will be addicted,
there's always trauma.

540
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:18,386
An addiction is any behavior

541
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:21,514
that a person finds
relief in the short term

542
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:24,559
and craves but suffers
negative consequences

543
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:26,227
and cannot give it up.

544
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:27,062
There are so many addictions.

545
00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:30,857
Could be drugs, obviously,
alcohol, nicotine.

546
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:33,568
Could also be sex, could be gambling,

547
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:36,404
could be shopping, could be eating,

548
00:27:36,404 --> 00:27:39,199
could be pornography,
could be the internet,

549
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:44,204
could be gaming, could be
work, could be relationships.

550
00:27:44,537 --> 00:27:46,539
That's what an addiction is.

551
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,756
First issue is not why the addiction

552
00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:55,840
but why the pain?

553
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,469
(woman sobbing)

554
00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:04,182
(melancholy music)

555
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:09,771
(water splashing)

556
00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:14,401
In our society there are
two myths around addiction.

557
00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:15,902
The pernicious line is the belief

558
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:18,279
that addiction is a choice
and that the decisions

559
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:19,781
that arise out of addictions

560
00:28:19,781 --> 00:28:23,034
are therefore a matter of
individual culpability.

561
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:25,286
And so therefore addicts for the most part

562
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:26,913
are punished for being addicted.

563
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,833
Now the other belief around addiction,

564
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,293
but still misleading, is that
it's an inherited disease,

565
00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:34,462
it's a biological disorder of the brain.

566
00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,464
That belief is more humane,

567
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:37,924
much more than the choice belief,

568
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,468
because at least if
somebody inherits a disease,

569
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:42,595
they're not to be punished for it

570
00:28:42,595 --> 00:28:44,681
but they are to be provided

571
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,684
with treatment as with any disease.

572
00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:50,895
However, it's also
misleading because it ignores

573
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,689
why people really get addicted,

574
00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:54,983
which has got nothing to do with disease.

575
00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:58,278
It's among the normal
human responses to trauma.

576
00:28:58,278 --> 00:28:59,112
When people are suffering,

577
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:00,780
they want to escape their suffering.

578
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:01,740
That's normal.

579
00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:05,452
(soft music)

580
00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:31,311
- My name is Tuta Ponchiao Chi.

581
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:33,021
I'm 43-years-old.

582
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:36,232
I come from a family of
Thai restaurant owners.

583
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:38,777
I moved away when I was 14.

584
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,653
I was never good enough.

585
00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:43,072
I mean, I think if I had
parents who didn't really care

586
00:29:43,072 --> 00:29:45,992
and was lenient, no, I
don't think I would have

587
00:29:45,992 --> 00:29:49,204
really got right into it
and really got addicted.

588
00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:51,748
I might've just, you know,
tried it once or twice,

589
00:29:51,748 --> 00:29:54,793
but I think the pressure
was on from the upbringing

590
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:57,086
and having to feel like I had to achieve

591
00:29:57,086 --> 00:30:00,256
and be the best of what
I did, an A student.

592
00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:03,343
And so when I moved away,
I really wanted to prove

593
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,678
not just myself but to them that I was

594
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:06,888
more than what they saw.

595
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:09,974
You know, I did apply
to Stanford University.

596
00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:12,143
That was my number one choice.

597
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:14,187
I was disappointed I didn't get in.

598
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:17,106
And San Francisco State
University was my second choice

599
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,943
and while there I did do the same things

600
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:21,903
that I was doing when
I was in high school,

601
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:24,823
playing for the NCWA, singing choir.

602
00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,911
With doing so many things,
pledging sororities

603
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:32,121
and doing, being different club members,

604
00:30:32,121 --> 00:30:35,875
I'm saying I was just trying
to find my way in the world.

605
00:30:35,875 --> 00:30:38,378
And then I started to work
at the nightclubs here.

606
00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:41,339
And so I think that's
when I really evolved

607
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:42,924
because I wanted to do everything.

608
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:44,217
I wanted to go to school,

609
00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:47,470
I wanted to work, but I
needed to do homework as well.

610
00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:49,556
So the pressure was on then.

611
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:52,058
So then it got into heavier drugs,

612
00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:53,643
so I needed the meth to stay up.

613
00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:59,899
- I think our society just
doesn't understand addiction.

614
00:30:59,899 --> 00:31:01,943
Without the addiction,
they felt incomplete,

615
00:31:01,943 --> 00:31:03,778
they felt this huge emptiness inside.

616
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:08,867
It's as if the addiction
was to complete themselves,

617
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:13,872
and to somehow temporarily
cover up the emptiness.

618
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:19,460
Why the finger-pointing, why the judgments

619
00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:22,338
on a particular group of
people who are addicted

620
00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:24,340
who happen to use substances?

621
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:29,429
My first job that I ever had
as a physician in Vancouver

622
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:30,680
after I did my internship was actually

623
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,891
in the downtown east side of Vancouver.

624
00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:34,809
It's North America's most concentrated

625
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,395
and most dramatic area of drug use

626
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,148
where there's more people injecting

627
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:44,277
and ingesting and inhaling
all kinds of substances

628
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:46,779
than anywhere else in the planet.

629
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:49,866
And I go this old, broken down hotel

630
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:52,493
with cracking paint on the walls

631
00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:55,496
and there's strange
people walking in and out,

632
00:31:55,496 --> 00:31:58,166
and I felt totally at home right away.

633
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,710
And after two years, I
shifted my full-time work

634
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,003
to the downtown east side.

635
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:05,465
So I worked there for 12 years.

636
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:11,095
They all had suffered
tremendous torment as children,

637
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,932
which also meant that their
addictions were extreme.

638
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,852
They were quite willing
to sacrifice love, life,

639
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:21,606
relationship, health
just for the next hit.

640
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:24,067
They were that desperate
to escape from reality

641
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:26,361
because reality had been so cruel to them.

642
00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:30,073
We were dealing with people
with severe infections.

643
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,824
They would inject drugs.

644
00:32:31,824 --> 00:32:33,701
That would give them abscesses,

645
00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:36,913
not only in their skin or their muscles,

646
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:39,165
but also in their brains,

647
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:42,585
in their spinal cord, in their joints.

648
00:32:42,585 --> 00:32:44,545
So they have to be hospitalized,

649
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,172
which is the only facility
where you can deliver

650
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,675
IV antibiotics several times a day.

651
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,551
But they were users, so there'd be

652
00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:52,887
always absconding from the hospital

653
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:55,556
and even using the IV
lines to inject through.

654
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,725
So inevitably they would
be kicked out of hospital,

655
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:00,061
which means that their
life-threatening infections

656
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,145
would be untreated.

657
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,315
This is how I met Joey Carter.

658
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:08,236
I think I pushed him
across an intersection once

659
00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:09,612
in his wheelchair, maybe
that's the first time

660
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:10,655
we actually met.

661
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,409
- And you helped me out and
you said, what are you doing?

662
00:33:14,409 --> 00:33:16,119
Enough's enough.

663
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,038
I'm going to admit you to CTC-R,
are you going to go there?

664
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,291
And I was like, well,
what about my addiction?

665
00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,795
And then you said, well,
what are you using?

666
00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:29,007
And I said, well, I've been
using morphine and m-eslon.

667
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:31,551
I said, how many will you give me a day?

668
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,761
You said as many as you
have in your pocket.

669
00:33:40,309 --> 00:33:41,936
- By meeting people where they're at

670
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:44,939
and treating them like human beings

671
00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:46,524
and not trying to change them

672
00:33:47,775 --> 00:33:50,611
actually opens up the possibility

673
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,530
of transformation for them.

674
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,365
And Joey's a plain example.

675
00:33:56,325 --> 00:33:58,327
- 'Cause they had come
in like every four hours

676
00:33:58,327 --> 00:34:00,246
to give me my morphine.
- Yeah.

677
00:34:00,246 --> 00:34:02,749
- And I wasn't needing it.

678
00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,625
I was saving it, right.

679
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:07,754
And I woke up and there is
like morphine all over the bed

680
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,338
and I thought it was in heaven.

681
00:34:09,338 --> 00:34:11,591
(laughing)

682
00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:13,676
- I do recall your poetry,

683
00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:16,888
and you were a very, a very avid writer.

684
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:17,722
- Yeah.

685
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,474
- And you've shared some of that with me.

686
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,187
Is there one that, you know,
that you can recite now?

687
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:25,021
- Yeah.

688
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:26,981
It goes (clears throat)

689
00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:30,985
I misbehave when I crave to
push the venom in my veins.

690
00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:32,987
I lose all control of my inner soul

691
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:35,114
and my demons hold the reins.

692
00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:38,451
I deceive whoever believes,
I twist their open trust.

693
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,661
With nefarious precision
and tunnel vision,

694
00:34:40,661 --> 00:34:42,789
I pursue the venom with lust.

695
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,123
With the desire so strong,

696
00:34:44,123 --> 00:34:46,793
I forget all bonds
hurting the ones I adore,

697
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,045
And even though they love
me, they move on from me

698
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:50,922
to let me fight my war.

699
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,757
Uncontrollable, I'm inconsolable,

700
00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:54,592
slowly I'm dying inside.

701
00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:56,511
A glutton of such, I've used too much,

702
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,096
now there's no life in my eyes.

703
00:34:59,013 --> 00:34:59,847
- Wow.

704
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:03,810
(soft piano music)

705
00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,777
I wanna talk to you guys

706
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,195
about why you think you got addicted?

707
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,697
Like, what did it do for
you in the short term

708
00:35:16,697 --> 00:35:19,117
that you wanted it,
like you appreciated it?

709
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,493
- The one thing that I've learned

710
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:23,412
was gratification through sex.

711
00:35:23,412 --> 00:35:24,997
It would pay my rent,
it would pay my food,

712
00:35:24,997 --> 00:35:27,041
it would pay my clothes.

713
00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:29,127
But it was also feeling loved.

714
00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:31,212
- [Gabor] Feeling loved? Like...

715
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:34,298
- Having that desire for
somebody to care and-

716
00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,300
- And want you.
- Want you.

717
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,302
- I wouldn't be able to
have a sexual relationship

718
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:41,556
if I wasn't using, because
I couldn't feel anything

719
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:43,099
towards the other person.

720
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,308
- It made you feel more alive?

721
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,853
- Yeah. It made me feel more in tune.

722
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,729
- Yeah.
- Yeah, like that's...

723
00:35:48,729 --> 00:35:51,065
And I used it to have feelings.

724
00:35:51,065 --> 00:35:52,150
- I didn't feel pretty,

725
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:53,526
I didn't feel like...

726
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,987
And as soon as I would
do a little bit of drugs,

727
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:58,406
my self-esteem would instantly go up.

728
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:03,411
- I did so much sports and
was on such a strict schedule

729
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:08,166
that when I started to
use in like grade eight,

730
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,294
grade nine, like, I was free.

731
00:36:11,294 --> 00:36:12,336
- So freedom.

732
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,214
Sense of aliveness.

733
00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:16,883
Completion. Self-esteem.

734
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,761
These are all wonderful
things, aren't they?

735
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,930
When they talk about
addiction being a bad choice,

736
00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:23,890
I say no, it isn't.

737
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:26,726
It's actually a solution to a problem.

738
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,107
If we understand that the addiction

739
00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:35,026
is not the primary problem,

740
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:36,944
but really a response to trauma,

741
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,947
then it becomes obvious that
in order to heal addiction,

742
00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:41,407
you have to heal the trauma.

743
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:43,075
But it means that you see the wound

744
00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,410
that's driving that person.

745
00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:50,166
(birds chirping)

746
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:54,879
(melancholy music)

747
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:58,674
Underneath that traumatized persona,

748
00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,927
there's the healthy
individual who has never

749
00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:02,762
found expression in this life

750
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:03,804
because they were never given

751
00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,725
the venue for expression,
never given the relationships,

752
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:09,644
in which they could, their all

753
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,562
authentic humanity could be expressed.

754
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:17,777
(soft music)

755
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:24,700
Are we free? Are we conscious?

756
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:28,329
Are we making a decision
based on full awareness

757
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:32,833
or are we driven by unconscious dynamics

758
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,544
that we've inherited or that we developed

759
00:37:35,544 --> 00:37:38,506
as a response to childhood trauma?

760
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:42,843
Well, insofar as we're not
conscious, we are not free.

761
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:52,603
We have then a social
structure that induces trauma

762
00:37:52,603 --> 00:37:53,854
in a lot of people,

763
00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:56,023
therefore it induces escapist,

764
00:37:56,023 --> 00:37:58,317
addictive behaviors in a lot of people,

765
00:37:58,317 --> 00:38:01,445
and those inner trends line up

766
00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:03,281
with how society looks
like on the outside.

767
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,992
So therefore all this
looks perfectly normal

768
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:07,076
and perfectly natural.

769
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,539
Fundamentally the messages
is that with our minds

770
00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:12,456
we create the world.

771
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:17,461
So if I have a worldview that
the world is a horrible place,

772
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:19,547
then I'm going to live in a world where

773
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:23,259
I have to be aggressive,
suspicious, competitive

774
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,303
and make myself as big as possible

775
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,929
so I don't get eaten up.

776
00:38:26,929 --> 00:38:29,598
So I have to be grandiose and cunning

777
00:38:29,598 --> 00:38:31,058
because that's the world I'm living in.

778
00:38:31,058 --> 00:38:33,394
And these are the people that our society

779
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:38,107
rewards with power.
(dramatic music)

780
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:54,248
- Do you think that the
inability of these individuals

781
00:38:54,248 --> 00:38:56,751
to manifest real change is a demonstration

782
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:59,086
that what we have are deeply entrenched

783
00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:02,506
and traumatized systems
that are predicated

784
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:06,344
on unconscious choices, unconscious drives

785
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:09,263
and that the system cannot and will not

786
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:12,641
alter itself from within
itself, but will sustain itself,

787
00:39:12,641 --> 00:39:17,646
and it's only sort of new,
radical ideas that can alter it?

788
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:19,982
- That's exactly what I'm saying.

789
00:39:19,982 --> 00:39:22,943
Large segments of the economy survive

790
00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:25,613
because people buy things that
give them temporary pleasure

791
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,615
but do them no good
whatsoever in the long-term,

792
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:29,200
in fact are even harmful.

793
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,327
I mean, we're going so far
as to destroy the earth

794
00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:32,578
because of our addiction.

795
00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,585
(tense music)

796
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,517
The disconnect from the body of the earth

797
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,477
really has to do with the
disconnect from our own bodies.

798
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:58,145
The two are together.

799
00:39:58,145 --> 00:39:59,730
And the exploitation of the earth

800
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,857
as if it was something separate from us

801
00:40:01,857 --> 00:40:05,986
has a lot to do with
patriarchal domination.

802
00:40:05,986 --> 00:40:07,446
I mean, we talk about mother earth.

803
00:40:07,446 --> 00:40:09,281
Look what we're doing to mother.

804
00:40:09,281 --> 00:40:10,783
It's a mother hatred almost.

805
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:19,875
It speaks to a blindness and a passivity

806
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:23,295
which itself is a marker of
societal and collective trauma.

807
00:40:28,717 --> 00:40:31,178
Our schools are full of kids
with learning difficulties,

808
00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:33,848
mental health issues
that are trauma-based,

809
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,516
but the average teacher never gets

810
00:40:35,516 --> 00:40:37,268
a single lecture on trauma.

811
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:39,603
They're fundamentally working with

812
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,939
an essential lack of information.

813
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:45,651
I actually barely mentioned
the criminal justice system

814
00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:48,446
has no understanding or even acquaintance

815
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,197
with the concept of trauma.

816
00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:52,324
In fact, they often create policies

817
00:40:52,324 --> 00:40:55,327
that further deepen people's trauma.

818
00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:57,705
That these institutions
need to be informed

819
00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:01,500
of what trauma is and
how to respond to it.

820
00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,837
- I went between custodies of different

821
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:07,423
states and counties...

822
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:10,801
Since 18.

823
00:41:10,801 --> 00:41:13,596
I struggled with addiction
and they were sending me

824
00:41:13,596 --> 00:41:17,057
to these places to get
the help that you needed.

825
00:41:17,057 --> 00:41:18,893
I had nothing but the
authorities telling me

826
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:21,437
that it was my fault, my fault, my fault,

827
00:41:21,437 --> 00:41:22,646
because you're choosing this, you know

828
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:24,440
and I can't keep choosing it.

829
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,984
And you're supposed to trust
and believe in these people.

830
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:28,903
California industrialized prison.

831
00:41:31,238 --> 00:41:33,115
- Trauma doesn't know of color,

832
00:41:33,115 --> 00:41:35,117
trauma doesn't know of age,

833
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,036
trauma doesn't know a tax bracket,

834
00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:38,579
trauma doesn't know any of these things.

835
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,040
Anybody can be traumatizing anybody.

836
00:41:42,374 --> 00:41:44,376
Symptoms of trauma:

837
00:41:44,376 --> 00:41:46,795
nightmares and night terrors.

838
00:41:46,795 --> 00:41:48,214
- [Man 1] Inability to love.

839
00:41:49,548 --> 00:41:51,342
- Addictive behavior.

840
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:52,801
- [Man 2] Insomnia.

841
00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:53,636
- Depression.

842
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:55,888
- Shame.

843
00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:59,016
- That's not who you are,

844
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,811
but it's a symptom of being traumatized,

845
00:42:03,854 --> 00:42:05,648
and we're here to heal each other.

846
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,027
We heal in community.

847
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:11,445
When I do these circles with anybody,

848
00:42:11,445 --> 00:42:15,115
when they see the extent of
childhood trauma in themselves,

849
00:42:15,115 --> 00:42:19,411
but also in the people
around them, it's a shift.

850
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:23,499
It takes the othering out. It
actually brings a human in.

851
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:27,086
And that, as a society,
is one of the imperatives

852
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,837
that we need to get to.

853
00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:29,964
We gotta start seeing each other

854
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:32,633
for what happened to us and
not what's wrong with us.

855
00:42:34,677 --> 00:42:37,263
(cars honking)

856
00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:42,643
(upbeat, bright music)

857
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:54,113
(soft music)

858
00:42:57,908 --> 00:42:59,827
- My name is Romie Nottage.

859
00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:02,371
I am the senior director of San Francisco

860
00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:05,499
and social innovation for
Downtown Streets Team,

861
00:43:05,499 --> 00:43:08,294
and that is changing the lives of people

862
00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:11,672
who are currently homeless
through the dignity of work.

863
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,551
Labeling people as just drug addicts,

864
00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:17,303
like, it's deeper than that.

865
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:20,681
They probably at a younger
age have been reinforced

866
00:43:20,681 --> 00:43:24,310
that their value is not
as significant as others.

867
00:43:25,144 --> 00:43:29,273
The pain is the root cause of people

868
00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:31,358
trying to feel comfortable in this world.

869
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:35,404
Using street drugs is a method.

870
00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:40,284
It is a behavior to support
something that is uncomfortable.

871
00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:47,916
- I was homeless for about 15 years.

872
00:43:49,001 --> 00:43:51,128
It is a survival of the fittest.

873
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:56,383
I had three kids on the
street while homeless,

874
00:43:56,383 --> 00:43:59,011
walking around, no shoes,
selling drugs, doing drugs,

875
00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:01,013
hoping they would miscarry.

876
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:02,931
All the babies came out with everything.

877
00:44:02,931 --> 00:44:05,851
Meth, crystal, cocaine,
everything you could think of.

878
00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,439
I did utilize those three moments in time

879
00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:14,193
where I had those babies to just rest up

880
00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:16,570
in a nice place and eat a hot meal.

881
00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:20,407
Just basically took a
shower those three times,

882
00:44:20,407 --> 00:44:23,577
'cause while I was homeless,
most of us don't shower.

883
00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:24,995
Maybe once a year, if that.

884
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:30,292
But I was lucky I had the same
foster mom, all three boys.

885
00:44:30,292 --> 00:44:32,795
Albert, Jetson and James are all thriving.

886
00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:34,254
They're very healthy.

887
00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:35,756
I did fight for them. Don't get me wrong.

888
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:36,757
I did try to fight for them,

889
00:44:36,757 --> 00:44:39,468
but I wasn't ready to
give up the drug life.

890
00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:45,474
- It was fall, so it was the rain season.

891
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,644
I just remember that constant worry

892
00:44:48,644 --> 00:44:50,521
about where was I gonna go that night?

893
00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:52,564
Would I find shelter?

894
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:54,066
'Cause there's no where to go, right?

895
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,986
The people that did love
me just said you know what?

896
00:44:57,986 --> 00:45:01,031
We're not going to stand by
anymore while you kill yourself.

897
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:02,324
We can't do it.

898
00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:03,534
It's hurting more.

899
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,203
We're dying a harder death than you are.

900
00:45:07,287 --> 00:45:09,373
And they just scattered from my life.

901
00:45:11,917 --> 00:45:13,377
I was utterly alone.

902
00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:22,219
- I've been in the city on the streets now

903
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,054
for four years.

904
00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:25,764
Went to college on my GI bill.

905
00:45:25,764 --> 00:45:27,891
I was in the army for a total of 11 years,

906
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,352
then I got diagnosed with
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma

907
00:45:30,352 --> 00:45:31,854
and I retired.

908
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,566
My PTSD comes from experiences with

909
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:39,528
trying to beat this monkey
on my back, you know?

910
00:45:39,528 --> 00:45:42,322
I've had a beautiful home and vehicles

911
00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:46,368
and wife and kids and thrown
it all away for drugs.

912
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,207
- So when you pass by someone
homeless on the street,

913
00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:55,002
that is such a painful world to live in,

914
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:57,963
and a very important thing
to do is acknowledge them

915
00:45:57,963 --> 00:46:02,634
and not pretending or literally thinking

916
00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:05,095
that no one's sitting right there.

917
00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:06,513
How are you doing?

918
00:46:06,513 --> 00:46:07,431
Hanging in there?

919
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:10,559
Had a rough sleep last night?

920
00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:12,352
You stay in the TL?
- I do.

921
00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:14,646
- Yeah, cool. How long have you been here?

922
00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:18,066
- I moved here from
Atlanta February the 7th.

923
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:21,320
- The number one thing that people

924
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,781
who are experiencing
homelessness suffer from

925
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:25,365
is feeling looked down on.

926
00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,119
It's like people just passing by them,

927
00:46:29,119 --> 00:46:31,413
not acknowledging their experience.

928
00:46:31,413 --> 00:46:34,958
That forms an identity
that is internalized.

929
00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:38,587
Their sense of self has been attacked.

930
00:46:38,587 --> 00:46:41,548
Their dignity has been
completely reinforced

931
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:45,344
as non-existent every single day.

932
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,764
Humanization of homelessness
is where we need to start

933
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,308
because we're working with people,

934
00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:53,101
we're working with nervous systems,

935
00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:58,065
we are working with deflated
and traumatized senses of self.

936
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:05,280
To be honest, if I lived in that world,

937
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,907
I would want to use, too.

938
00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:08,408
It'd get me out of it.

939
00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:11,537
It'd make me feel not
like that for a minute.

940
00:47:16,542 --> 00:47:17,668
(knocks)
- Hey, Duane, you home?

941
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:20,671
It's Tessa.
(soft music)

942
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,844
Hey, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?

943
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:27,719
- I'm Tessa.

944
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:31,598
I'm a harm reduction specialist
at Abode Housing Services.

945
00:47:31,598 --> 00:47:34,560
I help people move through
the pain of their addiction

946
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,019
and regain dignity.

947
00:47:36,019 --> 00:47:38,689
So, oh my gosh, your place looks amazing.

948
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,817
I took this job because of
the harm reduction approach,

949
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,861
where people get housing.

950
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,445
You don't have an agenda.

951
00:47:45,445 --> 00:47:47,948
You must do this or that
in order to access housing,

952
00:47:47,948 --> 00:47:51,493
you're worthy of housing because
housing should be a right.

953
00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:55,122
When people get housed
after they've been outdoors

954
00:47:55,122 --> 00:47:58,917
for seven, 15, 25 years,
whatever the number is,

955
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:01,962
you're alone.

956
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:07,092
You don't have survival to do,

957
00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:09,177
so this is when I'm starting to see

958
00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:11,763
everybody's pain start surfacing

959
00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:14,391
and people are starting to have, you know,

960
00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:17,603
more challenges and emotional challenges

961
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:19,229
than they did out on the streets.

962
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:24,735
Dr. Gabor Maté, when
I found his teachings,

963
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,154
and specifically The
Realm of the Hungry Ghost

964
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:30,240
kind of changed my outlook in life.

965
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,575
I'm very dear to this work.

966
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:35,329
(rain pattering)

967
00:48:39,666 --> 00:48:43,879
- I'm Gabor's wife and I have
been for close to 50 years.

968
00:48:49,134 --> 00:48:52,763
I met Gabor in October of 1967

969
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:56,308
when I was a first year student at UBC.

970
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,352
I saw in the student
newspaper that they were

971
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:02,856
looking for cartoonists and I draw.

972
00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:06,818
I walked into the small
room and he's sitting there

973
00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:09,321
reading a book and I said (clears throat):

974
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:11,782
"My name's Rae.

975
00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:14,368
I'm supposed to draw you.

976
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:17,371
Would you mind just sitting there?"

977
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:19,247
This is it.

978
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:25,003
I did this before I knew who he was,

979
00:49:25,003 --> 00:49:26,630
before I'd had a conversation.

980
00:49:27,881 --> 00:49:30,050
What a mysterious guy.

981
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:31,593
Dark, you know?

982
00:49:31,593 --> 00:49:32,761
Intense.

983
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,349
He was so interesting to me.

984
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:42,938
- I've always been a rebel.

985
00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:47,025
I mean, in communist
Hungary, in grade six,

986
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:49,403
my teacher wrote in my report card that:

987
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:52,990
you should watch it because
he incites the other students.

988
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:54,366
(chuckles)

989
00:49:54,366 --> 00:49:57,744
But so that tendency to
resist arbitrariness,

990
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:02,082
what I'm being told and
what the official line is.

991
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:03,959
So I'm really not one for group-think,

992
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:07,796
and it really helps me
to see through all kinds

993
00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:11,174
of nonsense that people
accept without questioning.

994
00:50:14,344 --> 00:50:16,763
On a personal level, I'm
also a contradiction.

995
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:21,351
My longing is really a
sense of being excluded

996
00:50:21,351 --> 00:50:24,938
from something, and a
sense of impossibility,

997
00:50:24,938 --> 00:50:27,816
and I very easily go there.

998
00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:29,234
I mean, that is my baseline.

999
00:50:30,944 --> 00:50:33,196
- Very early in my meeting with Gabor,

1000
00:50:33,196 --> 00:50:36,992
I saw clearly the light that he was

1001
00:50:36,992 --> 00:50:38,744
and the dark that he was.

1002
00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:42,956
So I saw brilliance and I saw real,

1003
00:50:42,956 --> 00:50:45,500
I guess trauma is the word I'd use now,

1004
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,002
but I didn't know then.

1005
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:48,045
To me it was dark.

1006
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,964
And of course, by then I knew he was,

1007
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:53,050
directly had been in the Holocaust,

1008
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,887
but it was going to be my job to heal him,

1009
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,263
to bring out that light.

1010
00:51:02,851 --> 00:51:04,853
I really believe that
the purpose of marriage

1011
00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:07,272
is to actually go back
to the original trauma,

1012
00:51:07,272 --> 00:51:10,567
which comes from the family.

1013
00:51:11,818 --> 00:51:14,154
I married a man who was
so much like my father.

1014
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:19,159
- My scientific interest as well

1015
00:51:19,159 --> 00:51:21,286
has been having to deal with my own trauma

1016
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,998
because in my 40s, I was a
very successful physician

1017
00:51:24,998 --> 00:51:28,168
and I was a national columnist
for a Canadian newspaper,

1018
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,087
and I was the head of the
palliative care department

1019
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:31,630
at a major Canadian hospital,

1020
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:35,884
and I was depressed and alienated,
in a difficult marriage,

1021
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:38,053
and my children were scared of me

1022
00:51:38,053 --> 00:51:40,305
and I didn't like being alive.

1023
00:51:42,724 --> 00:51:44,684
- Well, there's just
nothing more frustrating

1024
00:51:44,684 --> 00:51:47,354
to be in a situation, to see him out there

1025
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:51,441
doing this amazing work, just
the healing and the wisdom

1026
00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:54,236
and the support, and then come home

1027
00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:59,241
and be completely exhausted, irritable.

1028
00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:02,202
And then I get the negativity.

1029
00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:12,796
I have to be me, I have to be authentic.

1030
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,050
My nervous system is so wired

1031
00:52:17,050 --> 00:52:20,220
that if I'm not authentic
to myself, I'm sick.

1032
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:21,429
I have a stomach ache.

1033
00:52:21,429 --> 00:52:22,681
I can't sleep.

1034
00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,224
I'm anxious.

1035
00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,352
And it's usually here. (chuckles)

1036
00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:29,688
It's usually something in this dynamic.

1037
00:52:29,688 --> 00:52:30,689
- Yeah.
- Right?

1038
00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:33,775
- When I would compulsively
shop for compact discs

1039
00:52:33,775 --> 00:52:34,734
and lie about it.

1040
00:52:35,610 --> 00:52:37,195
Rae would get neck aches.

1041
00:52:37,195 --> 00:52:38,864
And after a while she figured
out if I got a neck ache,

1042
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:39,781
this guy is lying to me.

1043
00:52:39,781 --> 00:52:41,074
- He doesn't get away with anything.

1044
00:52:41,074 --> 00:52:41,908
- Yeah.

1045
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:51,209
- How are you, Gabor Maté,
not processing your trauma?

1046
00:52:51,209 --> 00:52:52,043
- How am I not processing it?

1047
00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:53,587
- Yeah, because like,
if you are not doing it,

1048
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:54,963
that's like Steve Jobs going:

1049
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,548
"I couldn't get my phone to work."

1050
00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:59,968
- That's another traumatized
person, by the way,

1051
00:52:59,968 --> 00:53:01,636
whose cancer is everything to do with

1052
00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:03,471
the childhood trauma that he experienced,

1053
00:53:03,471 --> 00:53:06,349
but that's another book and another story.

1054
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,351
- So you sort of are a
bit like in the Matrix,

1055
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:10,770
when Neo sees everything's
made out of numbers,

1056
00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:13,648
you look at people and you see
all their trauma and damage?

1057
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:14,649
- That's what I see.

1058
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:17,652
Until I realized that I was traumatized,

1059
00:53:17,652 --> 00:53:20,447
which really wasn't until
my late 30s and mid-40s,

1060
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,908
and began to realize that it
didn't have to be this way,

1061
00:53:22,908 --> 00:53:23,867
that there were reasons for it,

1062
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:25,660
and I started looking for those reasons.

1063
00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:27,871
So I started waking up
fairly late in life.

1064
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:31,333
I was a driven, workaholic doctor.

1065
00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:33,752
Now why was a driven workaholic doctor?

1066
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:34,961
Because the message I got as an infant

1067
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,171
is that the world didn't want me.

1068
00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,797
Now how do you deal with not being wanted?

1069
00:53:37,797 --> 00:53:39,466
You make yourself needed.

1070
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,675
So if you're traumatized

1071
00:53:40,675 --> 00:53:42,219
and if you don't think you're lovable,

1072
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:43,970
my god, go to medical school.

1073
00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,056
Now they're going to
want you all the time.

1074
00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:47,557
When they're dying,
when they're being born,

1075
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:50,727
every moment in between,
and that's highly addictive,

1076
00:53:50,727 --> 00:53:52,896
because you get the
validation all the time.

1077
00:53:56,274 --> 00:53:57,984
A lot of people that go into medicine

1078
00:53:57,984 --> 00:53:59,736
the last thing they want is
to be open and vulnerable.

1079
00:53:59,736 --> 00:54:01,154
In fact, what they want is the authority

1080
00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:02,948
of the white coat and the stethoscope.

1081
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:05,283
And medical school is very hard on people.

1082
00:54:05,283 --> 00:54:06,534
You might look at it almost

1083
00:54:06,534 --> 00:54:08,662
as a selection process that weeds out

1084
00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,413
the people that are too vulnerable.

1085
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:14,918
The long hours, the deference
to unreasonable authority,

1086
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:19,256
the stress that you are
willing to subject yourself to,

1087
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:22,300
and these are the people that,
like me, become physicians.

1088
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,178
So that selects out
against the vulnerable.

1089
00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:29,182
I went to medical school here at UBC.

1090
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:33,687
At that time, we did not get
a single lecture of trauma.

1091
00:54:33,687 --> 00:54:36,106
We did not even hear the word.

1092
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,858
They still don't hear the
word trauma in medical school.

1093
00:54:44,698 --> 00:54:47,117
So I've looked at the whole
range of human experience

1094
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,869
from birth to death because
I've worked in obstetrics

1095
00:54:49,869 --> 00:54:51,663
and I've worked in palliative care

1096
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,915
and everything else in between.

1097
00:54:53,915 --> 00:54:56,918
The modern medical paradigm in practice

1098
00:54:56,918 --> 00:54:58,753
separates mind from the body

1099
00:54:58,753 --> 00:55:01,006
and it separates the individual
from the environment.

1100
00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:03,133
So when you look at, there's an epidemic

1101
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,634
of asthma right now in North America,

1102
00:55:04,634 --> 00:55:07,095
more and more people, kids
are being diagnosed with it,

1103
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:09,514
it's all about, or largely about,

1104
00:55:09,514 --> 00:55:12,142
the increasing stress in our society.

1105
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,436
So it's a cultural manifestation,

1106
00:55:14,436 --> 00:55:16,980
and this is completely
missing in medical practice.

1107
00:55:18,064 --> 00:55:20,025
If you look at Black Americans,

1108
00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:22,694
Black Americans are more
likely to get prostate cancer

1109
00:55:23,611 --> 00:55:25,113
and more likely to die of it,

1110
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,198
and not because of a lack of medical care.

1111
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:30,994
Maybe there's something
about being a minority

1112
00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:34,164
in this particular culture
that is so highly stressful

1113
00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:36,791
that it deranges the immune system.

1114
00:55:36,791 --> 00:55:41,254
If you look at the asthmatic
Afro-American woman,

1115
00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:46,217
is that asthma a manifestation
of her own pathology?

1116
00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:50,472
Or is it reflecting a social malaise?

1117
00:55:51,514 --> 00:55:54,976
Which means the emotion,
whatever you've experienced,

1118
00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:57,729
probably suppressed rage or shame,

1119
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,606
whatever you experience,

1120
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,567
actually affects the
physiology of your lungs.

1121
00:56:03,651 --> 00:56:05,653
Medicine is very interesting that way.

1122
00:56:05,653 --> 00:56:08,323
If you go to a dermatologist
with an inflamed skin,

1123
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,449
what kind of cream are
they going to give you?

1124
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,992
Anybody know?

1125
00:56:10,992 --> 00:56:12,660
Steroid cream, right.

1126
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:15,705
If you go to a rheumatologist
with an inflamed joint,

1127
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:18,124
what medication are
they going to give you?

1128
00:56:18,124 --> 00:56:20,043
Steroids very often.

1129
00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:23,713
If you go to a lung
specialist with asthma,

1130
00:56:23,713 --> 00:56:25,632
what kind of inhaler are you going to get?

1131
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:26,549
Steroid.

1132
00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:28,009
If you go to a gastroenterologist

1133
00:56:28,009 --> 00:56:29,761
with an inflamed intestines,

1134
00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,554
what kind of medication are you gonna get?

1135
00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:32,347
Steroids.

1136
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,391
Now, what are steroids?

1137
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,017
They're copies of cortisol.

1138
00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:36,893
What is cortisol?

1139
00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:40,063
The stress hormone.

1140
00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:42,399
We're treating everything
with stress hormones.

1141
00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,318
Maybe it should occur to us

1142
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,403
that stress has something to do

1143
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,238
with the onset of these conditions.

1144
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:52,367
The fundamental problem is capitalism,

1145
00:56:52,367 --> 00:56:53,743
or I should say materialism.

1146
00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:56,037
As long as the research
is driven by the profits

1147
00:56:56,037 --> 00:56:57,539
of pharmaceutical companies,

1148
00:56:57,539 --> 00:56:59,666
what's going to drive the
education of physicians

1149
00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:02,544
except the profit motive of
pharmaceutical companies?

1150
00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:03,837
I mean, it's just obvious.

1151
00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:09,467
People have to be seen as automatons,

1152
00:57:09,467 --> 00:57:12,512
as beings without really emotional needs

1153
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:13,763
or spiritual needs.

1154
00:57:14,764 --> 00:57:18,309
As globalization and
globalized materialism

1155
00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,353
spreads throughout the world,

1156
00:57:20,353 --> 00:57:21,813
so there's auto immune disease

1157
00:57:21,813 --> 00:57:23,314
spreading throughout the world

1158
00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:26,151
in societies that hardly
even knew them before.

1159
00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:29,279
Diseases, whether mental or physical,

1160
00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:33,575
are normal responses to
abnormal circumstances,

1161
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:35,201
and what would be considered normal

1162
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,704
in this society is often actually insane.

1163
00:57:39,038 --> 00:57:42,000
In the most health obsessed
humans society ever,

1164
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,793
all is not well.

1165
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:46,713
In the US, the richest society in history,

1166
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:49,174
fully half of the citizens
have a chronic disorder

1167
00:57:49,174 --> 00:57:51,384
such as high blood pressure or diabetes.

1168
00:57:52,594 --> 00:57:55,930
Illness is when part of an organism,

1169
00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:59,100
starts working against the overall benefit

1170
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:00,435
of the organism.

1171
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:02,353
So that say, in an autoimmune disease,

1172
00:58:02,353 --> 00:58:05,398
the immune system attacks
the host organism.

1173
00:58:05,398 --> 00:58:08,985
So a system that was designed
by nature to protect you

1174
00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:10,236
now it turns against you.

1175
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:15,783
Cell division, which is
meant to be coordination

1176
00:58:15,783 --> 00:58:16,910
with the needs of the entire organism,

1177
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,078
gets out of hand and
now you've got cancer.

1178
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:25,335
The search is always to find out

1179
00:58:25,335 --> 00:58:27,378
what's wrong with the individual cell,

1180
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:30,423
or how do you kill the abnormal cells?

1181
00:58:30,423 --> 00:58:33,927
So the treatment is restricted
to the biological plane.

1182
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:37,972
We either cut it out or we
poison it or we burn it.

1183
00:58:37,972 --> 00:58:39,933
That's our approach to treating cancer.

1184
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:45,063
Most chronic illness is a
way of the body saying no

1185
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:47,440
when the person suppress their no's

1186
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,067
in order to fit in.

1187
00:58:49,984 --> 00:58:52,820
I'm saying that when
the illness comes along,

1188
00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:55,490
we can just look upon it
as a nuisance to get rid of

1189
00:58:55,490 --> 00:58:57,283
and an enemy to fight,

1190
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:02,330
or we can say, okay, well, it's here now.

1191
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,331
What's the teaching?

1192
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,626
Which it doesn't mean that
we don't accept treatment

1193
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:10,588
or we don't do our best to heal,

1194
00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:13,007
but that, as part of that healing process,

1195
00:59:13,007 --> 00:59:14,634
we actually ask ourselves

1196
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:18,304
what does this mean about
my life and my relationships

1197
00:59:18,304 --> 00:59:21,015
and particularly about how I treat myself?

1198
00:59:21,015 --> 00:59:22,058
What is the teaching?

1199
00:59:28,064 --> 00:59:29,607
- My name is Tim.

1200
00:59:29,607 --> 00:59:31,818
I'm 51-years-old.

1201
00:59:31,818 --> 00:59:35,280
I was given a diagnosis of prostate cancer

1202
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,031
about a year and a half ago.

1203
00:59:38,324 --> 00:59:42,453
I actually had a full,
radical prostatectomy,

1204
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:44,914
so that means the whole
removal of my prostate

1205
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:47,500
which was no walk in the park.

1206
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:50,503
It's quite a, quite an extensive surgery.

1207
00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:53,673
In October they did a bone scan

1208
00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:56,384
and found that there was multiple areas

1209
00:59:56,384 --> 01:00:00,638
in my spine, ribs and some pelvis

1210
01:00:00,638 --> 01:00:04,642
that the cancer had metastasized to,

1211
01:00:04,642 --> 01:00:07,478
which was devastating to me at the time.

1212
01:00:07,478 --> 01:00:09,606
There was no need for me
to have the operation.

1213
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,441
If someone has prostate cancer

1214
01:00:12,650 --> 01:00:14,986
and they have the prostate removed

1215
01:00:14,986 --> 01:00:16,404
but the cancer is still in their body,

1216
01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:19,324
then the surgery hasn't done any good.

1217
01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:31,753
There was no root cause
analysis of why I got it.

1218
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:36,215
What I soon discovered was
that everything was a band-aid.

1219
01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:41,346
- The average general practitioner

1220
01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:43,848
under the insurance programs

1221
01:00:43,848 --> 01:00:46,809
gets to see a person for 6 minutes

1222
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:49,103
and a psychiatrist gets to
see them for 10 minutes.

1223
01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:50,521
What can you do in 10 minutes?

1224
01:00:50,521 --> 01:00:52,023
You can adjust medications.

1225
01:00:54,150 --> 01:00:55,860
And the average psychiatrist today

1226
01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:57,904
is not trained in psychotherapy.

1227
01:00:57,904 --> 01:00:59,947
They are trained in what's
called biological psychiatry

1228
01:00:59,947 --> 01:01:01,949
which fundamentally means
altering the biology

1229
01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:04,952
of the brain by handing out prescriptions,

1230
01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:07,288
which never get to the
heart of the problem.

1231
01:01:07,288 --> 01:01:10,208
So while I'm not dogmatically
opposed to medications,

1232
01:01:10,208 --> 01:01:12,877
in the contrary, I acknowledge
their value in my own life,

1233
01:01:12,877 --> 01:01:15,338
they are not the answer.

1234
01:01:15,338 --> 01:01:17,006
And at the very best they should be only

1235
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,634
as a stop gap measure until we get

1236
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,052
to work on the real issues.

1237
01:01:23,888 --> 01:01:28,226
Why this disease, why in
this person and why now?

1238
01:01:28,226 --> 01:01:29,727
Unless I answer those questions,

1239
01:01:29,727 --> 01:01:31,354
unless I ask those questions,

1240
01:01:32,188 --> 01:01:33,773
we can't talk about wholeness.

1241
01:01:34,607 --> 01:01:37,068
We can't talk about healing
in the deepest sense.

1242
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:46,536
- I grew up in a family with
a father who was very angry

1243
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:49,497
and never even realized it because for me

1244
01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,666
it was just natural and normal.

1245
01:01:51,666 --> 01:01:54,001
As a kid I didn't know any different,

1246
01:01:54,001 --> 01:01:56,295
and I was very scared.

1247
01:01:57,463 --> 01:02:02,218
Anytime I acted out in
anger, it always backfired,

1248
01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,053
so I could never express that anger.

1249
01:02:07,056 --> 01:02:10,893
So I decided to go more on
a healing journey myself

1250
01:02:10,893 --> 01:02:13,855
and try to find out what could I do myself

1251
01:02:14,939 --> 01:02:17,108
to be able to maybe cure this thing,

1252
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:19,944
or at least live longer, feel better

1253
01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:24,574
and address it at many different levels.

1254
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:26,200
So I turned to ayahuasca

1255
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:30,496
mainly because of the anxiety

1256
01:02:30,496 --> 01:02:34,375
and realizing like what's
a deeper spiritual reason

1257
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:36,711
that I got this diagnosis?

1258
01:02:36,711 --> 01:02:39,756
Why did I get this cancer?

1259
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:42,925
I got more out of ayahuasca in one journey

1260
01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:46,679
than I probably did in five
years of psychoanalysis.

1261
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,349
(birds chirping)

1262
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,440
- What I know about ayahuasca

1263
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,233
in the healing of addiction,

1264
01:02:59,233 --> 01:03:02,195
ayahuasca being an Amazonian brew

1265
01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:04,572
which has got psychedelic qualities.

1266
01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:09,202
It can induce visions
and deep experiences.

1267
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:13,539
(woman singing in foreign language)

1268
01:03:16,459 --> 01:03:19,253
So there was a ceremony here
led by a Peruvian shaman

1269
01:03:19,253 --> 01:03:23,132
and within half an hour of
having ingested the brew,

1270
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:26,511
it felt very much real,
it felt very much like me,

1271
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:30,890
but it was new because I
experienced a state of, um,

1272
01:03:31,974 --> 01:03:35,311
such deep love and gratitude such as

1273
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:37,480
I have not recalled experiencing before.

1274
01:03:38,439 --> 01:03:42,527
And I saw that my own addictive behaviors

1275
01:03:43,444 --> 01:03:46,072
were driven precisely
because I hadn't been able to

1276
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:48,741
experience that kind of love
and that kind of gratitude.

1277
01:03:49,700 --> 01:03:52,119
From that state, there's no need to look

1278
01:03:52,119 --> 01:03:54,789
for anything else outside of yourself.

1279
01:03:54,789 --> 01:03:57,542
And I also learned very shortly

1280
01:03:57,542 --> 01:04:01,128
that the ayahuasca has
the power to teach people

1281
01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:03,005
about their trauma,

1282
01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:05,007
to actually show them
what happened to them.

1283
01:04:05,007 --> 01:04:08,302
All of a sudden, oh yes,
this is what happened.

1284
01:04:08,302 --> 01:04:11,389
This is why I decided
that life is unbearable.

1285
01:04:11,389 --> 01:04:13,683
This is why I decided
that I wasn't lovable.

1286
01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:17,103
This is why I decided that
I had to soothe myself

1287
01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:19,981
from the outside because
there was no peace inside,

1288
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:22,525
and immediately I sat down
and I worked with this.

1289
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,405
And once you start working
with one psychedelic

1290
01:04:27,405 --> 01:04:29,782
then you become aware that
there's a whole world out there

1291
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:31,117
and there's a whole resurgence now

1292
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:35,663
in the healing powers of
psychedelic modalities,

1293
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,623
and so there are other substances.

1294
01:04:41,168 --> 01:04:44,505
The deep therapeutic
potential of psychedelics

1295
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:48,426
resides in the fact that they get

1296
01:04:48,426 --> 01:04:49,844
the conditioned mind out of the way.

1297
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:55,474
So people have access to
two aspects of reality

1298
01:04:55,474 --> 01:04:57,643
that they're usually not in touch with.

1299
01:04:57,643 --> 01:04:59,937
One is the deep trauma and
pain that they're carrying

1300
01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:02,273
that they can actually look at now,

1301
01:05:02,273 --> 01:05:06,485
and in an appropriate,
compassionate, safe context

1302
01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:09,947
they can experience
these troubled emotions

1303
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:13,743
and mind states without having to

1304
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:17,496
be driven into insanity
or having to escape.

1305
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:20,333
If you're going to use psychedelics,

1306
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:22,501
it has to be combined with

1307
01:05:22,501 --> 01:05:25,129
very adept therapy at the same time.

1308
01:05:29,508 --> 01:05:32,094
So in my work with Tim tomorrow,

1309
01:05:32,094 --> 01:05:35,056
we'll be using one of these modalities

1310
01:05:35,056 --> 01:05:38,768
to see if he can be
guided deep into himself

1311
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,353
so that some answers may emerge

1312
01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:43,397
for the existential and life
issues that he's facing.

1313
01:05:45,274 --> 01:05:47,526
(knocking)

1314
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:54,825
Hey, Tim.
- Hi, Gabor.

1315
01:05:54,825 --> 01:05:55,660
- Come on in.

1316
01:05:57,411 --> 01:05:58,955
How are you?
- Good, thank you.

1317
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,623
- You're all set?
- Yeah, I'm all set.

1318
01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:01,540
- Okay, come on in.

1319
01:06:04,877 --> 01:06:07,380
The medication will
take about half an hour

1320
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:08,214
to take effect.

1321
01:06:09,256 --> 01:06:11,300
When you're ready, just ingest it.

1322
01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:16,430
You've been diagnosed
with prostate cancer.

1323
01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:17,264
- [Tim] Correct.

1324
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:18,349
- [Gabor] And stage four
means that it's spread

1325
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:19,684
to elsewhere in the body?

1326
01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:23,187
- Yes, it spread to bone.

1327
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:27,566
Places in my spine, pelvis and ribs.

1328
01:06:28,567 --> 01:06:31,153
- In my view of people that develop cancer

1329
01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:33,823
tend to be nice people
who are more concerned

1330
01:06:33,823 --> 01:06:36,909
with the emotional needs
of others than their own.

1331
01:06:36,909 --> 01:06:39,370
They have a hard time
expressing healthy anger.

1332
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:40,913
And also they have this belief

1333
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:43,290
that they must not disappoint anybody.

1334
01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:46,043
How do you feel when you perceive

1335
01:06:46,043 --> 01:06:49,255
that somebody is not seeing
you, is not listening to you?

1336
01:06:50,256 --> 01:06:54,176
- I felt very sad and probably a bit of

1337
01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,929
a tinge of anger there too, as well.

1338
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:57,763
Yeah.

1339
01:06:57,763 --> 01:06:59,557
- [Gabor] So how about
if we rephrase that?

1340
01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:00,391
(Tim chuckles)

1341
01:07:00,391 --> 01:07:01,809
- Aha, anger.

1342
01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:03,936
Yeah, yeah, I felt anger.

1343
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:05,021
- [Gabor] What do you feel in your body

1344
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:05,855
when you say those things?

1345
01:07:05,855 --> 01:07:06,939
Just check in with your body.

1346
01:07:06,939 --> 01:07:07,898
What's happening there?

1347
01:07:07,898 --> 01:07:10,151
- I feel a little bit energized from it,

1348
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:11,777
just to saying it, yeah.

1349
01:07:11,777 --> 01:07:12,653
Absolutely.

1350
01:07:12,653 --> 01:07:13,904
I feel a little bit more awake.

1351
01:07:13,904 --> 01:07:16,282
- So notice how you
deprive yourself of energy.

1352
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,450
- [Tim] Mm-hm.

1353
01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:19,869
- [Gabor] Okay.

1354
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,956
- That makes me just really sad

1355
01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:25,207
just thinking about that.

1356
01:07:27,001 --> 01:07:30,337
(soft orchestral music)

1357
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:41,474
Man it feels good to feel.

1358
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,101
But underneath that I just...

1359
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:46,896
Feeling this frustration.

1360
01:07:48,022 --> 01:07:50,024
Fuck, it's too much energy that

1361
01:07:50,024 --> 01:07:52,526
I've been holding on to contain that.

1362
01:07:52,526 --> 01:07:53,861
Like I'm pissed off

1363
01:07:53,861 --> 01:07:57,448
that I have to keep fucking
focusing on all this shit,

1364
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,699
working on myself.

1365
01:08:00,451 --> 01:08:02,787
(Tim sighs)

1366
01:08:05,456 --> 01:08:06,665
I'm fucking tired of it.

1367
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:13,214
- So what is the thing that
you need to keep your mind off?

1368
01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:17,635
By trying to figure everything out?

1369
01:08:19,011 --> 01:08:22,556
- This little boy that
just wants to be loved

1370
01:08:23,891 --> 01:08:26,644
and accepted unconditionally...

1371
01:08:28,687 --> 01:08:29,522
He wasn't.

1372
01:08:31,232 --> 01:08:34,819
And so he's had to figure
out how to be accepted

1373
01:08:35,861 --> 01:08:38,114
and loved by others,

1374
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:39,573
and even my internal judge.

1375
01:08:43,410 --> 01:08:46,497
It was rough when I was angry.

1376
01:08:47,706 --> 01:08:51,043
(soft orchestral music)

1377
01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:56,006
- You can stop all this work,

1378
01:08:57,424 --> 01:09:00,094
just actually, just be
here and whatever there is.

1379
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:09,103
See, as long as you don't
allow the fear to be there,

1380
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:11,355
you're going to be always
working to get rid of it.

1381
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,360
That's what the work is all about,

1382
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:17,903
all the work that you're doing.

1383
01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:21,198
And then you're gonna keep working

1384
01:09:21,198 --> 01:09:24,285
to make yourself
acceptable and always nice

1385
01:09:24,285 --> 01:09:26,203
and dutiful and all that.

1386
01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:33,794
Or you could say, okay, the fear is there.

1387
01:09:33,794 --> 01:09:35,004
I'll let it be there.

1388
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:37,089
I'm big enough to...

1389
01:09:37,089 --> 01:09:39,300
There's enough space here for it to,

1390
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:43,345
to be a part of me.

1391
01:09:46,432 --> 01:09:48,934
- It just seems too easy.

1392
01:09:48,934 --> 01:09:51,228
- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot
more complicated than that.

1393
01:09:52,980 --> 01:09:55,900
(soft piano music)

1394
01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:05,576
I developed a method of
therapy or exploration

1395
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:08,537
with people called compassionate inquiry.

1396
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:11,832
The essence of which is the belief that

1397
01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:14,168
the truth is inside all of us,

1398
01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:16,253
we just have to ask the right questions

1399
01:10:16,253 --> 01:10:18,088
to help people arrive at the truth.

1400
01:10:18,088 --> 01:10:20,132
If that clenched jaw could speak,

1401
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:21,258
what would it say now?

1402
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:28,849
- I don't want this anymore.

1403
01:10:29,767 --> 01:10:30,935
- Okay.

1404
01:10:30,935 --> 01:10:33,771
What is the this that you don't want?

1405
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:37,233
- That's what I don't know.

1406
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:40,277
- Look, if you didn't
shut our mouth like this,

1407
01:10:40,277 --> 01:10:41,737
what is it that wants to come out

1408
01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:43,072
that we're not letting out?

1409
01:10:49,954 --> 01:10:50,996
- Rage.

1410
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,707
- Yeah. That is the inquiry.

1411
01:10:53,707 --> 01:10:55,042
How do you feel about that?

1412
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,671
- I think there's a few
feelings associated with that.

1413
01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:03,968
- I'm not buying that one.

1414
01:11:05,094 --> 01:11:06,845
How do you feel towards it?
How do you feel about that?

1415
01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:08,639
I'm a part of you. How
do you feel about that?

1416
01:11:08,639 --> 01:11:10,391
What comes up right now?
- Shame.

1417
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,225
- Thank you.

1418
01:11:12,643 --> 01:11:15,145
What are you ashamed about? Do you know?

1419
01:11:15,145 --> 01:11:17,022
- [Man] That it is a weakness.

1420
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:19,275
- And you must not be weak?

1421
01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:20,109
- Correct.

1422
01:11:21,110 --> 01:11:23,070
- Because if you're weak, then what?

1423
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:27,074
- I won't to be able to
take care of those I love.

1424
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:31,287
- So you locate it and it's
here in the chest area.

1425
01:11:31,287 --> 01:11:33,122
Just put your attention on it right now.

1426
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:35,374
I mean, we're looking at this blockage

1427
01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:37,167
or sense of blockage, okay?

1428
01:11:37,167 --> 01:11:38,752
What does it want to say to you?

1429
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,214
- It's not a word. It's soothing.

1430
01:11:42,214 --> 01:11:43,465
- It's soothing?
- Yeah.

1431
01:11:44,508 --> 01:11:46,802
Desiring.
- That it's wanting soothing?

1432
01:11:46,802 --> 01:11:47,761
- Yeah.

1433
01:11:47,761 --> 01:11:50,222
- If you're in touch with this sense here

1434
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:53,267
that you've just identified,

1435
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:55,728
how familiar is it to you?
- Oh, very.

1436
01:11:55,728 --> 01:11:57,646
- How far does it go back?

1437
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:02,651
- Seven. That's when I lost my mother.

1438
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:04,903
But it was present before that.

1439
01:12:04,903 --> 01:12:05,738
- Okay.

1440
01:12:06,655 --> 01:12:08,532
- So what does it need from you?

1441
01:12:11,368 --> 01:12:12,369
- To be held.

1442
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,412
- To be held?

1443
01:12:13,412 --> 01:12:14,246
- Yeah.

1444
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:15,748
- Like your mother might've held you?

1445
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:16,582
- Yeah.

1446
01:12:17,666 --> 01:12:22,296
- So when it arises,
my advice is don't try

1447
01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:25,174
and figure out how better to do your work

1448
01:12:25,174 --> 01:12:27,968
or how better to be
present or any of that,

1449
01:12:27,968 --> 01:12:30,262
or how will I fulfill my calling?

1450
01:12:30,262 --> 01:12:32,765
Your calling is really clear,

1451
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:35,225
but this part of you guess what?

1452
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:37,353
Needs to be here, heard and seen.

1453
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:40,397
(laughing)

1454
01:12:40,397 --> 01:12:41,482
- [Woman] All righty.

1455
01:12:41,482 --> 01:12:42,566
- Okay?

1456
01:12:42,566 --> 01:12:43,400
Yeah?

1457
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:44,526
- Mm-hm. That makes sense.

1458
01:12:45,444 --> 01:12:46,278
- That's good.

1459
01:12:47,529 --> 01:12:48,697
Any questions?

1460
01:12:49,948 --> 01:12:53,535
- I think I'm just supposed
to feel right now. (laughs)

1461
01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:55,954
- Well, that's good.

1462
01:12:55,954 --> 01:12:57,456
That means you're paying attention.

1463
01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:00,709
He called you something.

1464
01:13:00,709 --> 01:13:01,543
- [Woman] Monster.

1465
01:13:01,543 --> 01:13:02,336
- Oh yeah.

1466
01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:03,170
He called me monster.
- He called you monster?

1467
01:13:03,170 --> 01:13:04,463
- He's called me delusional.

1468
01:13:04,463 --> 01:13:06,673
- How do you feel when
he calls you a monster?

1469
01:13:06,673 --> 01:13:08,717
- I mean, I feel hurt.

1470
01:13:08,717 --> 01:13:10,260
I feel angry.

1471
01:13:10,260 --> 01:13:11,345
- Okay.

1472
01:13:11,345 --> 01:13:15,641
So what if I said to you,
you got beautiful green hair.

1473
01:13:15,641 --> 01:13:16,558
(woman laughs)

1474
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,060
How would you feel about that?

1475
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,855
- I'd laugh, I wouldn't-
- Why would you laugh?

1476
01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:24,983
- 'Cause I knew my hair is not green.

1477
01:13:24,983 --> 01:13:26,276
- Uh huh.

1478
01:13:26,276 --> 01:13:27,903
What if I say you were a monster?

1479
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:35,828
- The feeling of the anxiety was so strong

1480
01:13:36,870 --> 01:13:40,207
that I wanted to end it.

1481
01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,126
- Anything familiar about any of that?

1482
01:13:44,002 --> 01:13:47,131
- Are you trying to go
back to childhood trauma?

1483
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,967
(audience laughs)

1484
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:55,180
- Who, me?
(audience laughs)

1485
01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:58,142
You see that you developed a belief

1486
01:13:58,142 --> 01:14:00,436
that I can't be touched,
nothing can touch me.

1487
01:14:02,604 --> 01:14:06,150
Guess what happens when you get sick?

1488
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:06,984
- Mm-hm.

1489
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:10,112
- [Gabor] That defense is now destroyed.

1490
01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,282
- Pow.

1491
01:14:13,282 --> 01:14:16,118
(audience laughs)

1492
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:18,704
Wow.

1493
01:14:20,038 --> 01:14:22,499
- I ask people to tell
me some recent episode

1494
01:14:22,499 --> 01:14:24,960
when they're upset with
somebody in their lives,

1495
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,587
and something that
they're open to sharing.

1496
01:14:26,587 --> 01:14:28,464
So it doesn't have to be
anything sordid or anything

1497
01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:29,298
but just something, you know,

1498
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:31,383
whether it's your spouse,
partner, the bus driver,

1499
01:14:31,383 --> 01:14:32,676
I don't care.
- Sure.

1500
01:14:32,676 --> 01:14:33,510
- A friend.

1501
01:14:33,510 --> 01:14:35,262
Okay, so what happened?
- You want me to describe it?

1502
01:14:35,262 --> 01:14:36,096
- What happened? Yeah.

1503
01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:39,808
- All right, there were a
number of issues in my home

1504
01:14:39,808 --> 01:14:43,437
and I had hired someone to do
these things while I was gone

1505
01:14:43,437 --> 01:14:45,147
and I came back and
none of them were fixed.

1506
01:14:45,147 --> 01:14:47,691
- Okay. And your emotional reaction was?

1507
01:14:47,691 --> 01:14:48,525
- Anger.

1508
01:14:48,525 --> 01:14:50,444
- Anything else besides anger?

1509
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:54,072
- I was disappointed.

1510
01:14:54,072 --> 01:14:56,241
- [Gabor] Disappointed is sadness.

1511
01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:58,076
- Let's go with that.
- Okay.

1512
01:14:58,076 --> 01:14:59,536
So I'm going to ask you a silly question.

1513
01:14:59,536 --> 01:15:00,913
What were you sad and angry about?

1514
01:15:00,913 --> 01:15:05,459
- Well angry that someone
had made commitments to me

1515
01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:07,711
and not fulfilled those commitments.

1516
01:15:07,711 --> 01:15:09,505
- What does that mean that they didn't

1517
01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,215
fulfill their commitments?

1518
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:16,220
- Uh, it meant that they
didn't care about me.

1519
01:15:17,596 --> 01:15:19,097
They didn't have that...

1520
01:15:19,097 --> 01:15:21,767
They disrespect me.
- So they didn't care

1521
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:22,809
about you and didn't respect you.

1522
01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:25,896
What kind of person doesn't
get cared or respected?

1523
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:26,730
- I don't know.

1524
01:15:26,730 --> 01:15:28,649
Someone who doesn't deserve
to be cared for or respected.

1525
01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:29,608
- Exactly.

1526
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,693
Are there other reasons
why this other person

1527
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:33,820
might not have done the
work that has nothing

1528
01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:37,491
to do with him or her not caring about Tim

1529
01:15:37,491 --> 01:15:38,534
or not respecting him?

1530
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,035
So what other reasons might there be?

1531
01:15:40,035 --> 01:15:42,704
- Uh, he had a flight delay

1532
01:15:42,704 --> 01:15:44,915
and got caught on Puerto
Rico during a hurricane.

1533
01:15:44,915 --> 01:15:46,583
- Yeah, he's got ADHD.

1534
01:15:46,583 --> 01:15:47,417
- Yeah.

1535
01:15:48,293 --> 01:15:49,795
- And he can't follow through,

1536
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:51,880
and any number of possibilities.

1537
01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:52,714
- Yeah.

1538
01:15:52,714 --> 01:15:54,383
- Now, of all the possibilities

1539
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:56,343
that you've just outlined,

1540
01:15:56,343 --> 01:16:00,264
including that they don't
care about you or respect you,

1541
01:16:00,264 --> 01:16:02,099
which is the worst one?

1542
01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:04,685
- The one I immediately defaulted to.

1543
01:16:04,685 --> 01:16:06,478
- So let's notice something.

1544
01:16:06,478 --> 01:16:08,480
A, you, I should say we,

1545
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,815
'cause we're all like this,

1546
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,234
we don't respond to what happens.

1547
01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:14,152
We respond to our
perception of what happens.

1548
01:16:14,152 --> 01:16:15,654
- Right.
- Okay.

1549
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:16,697
That's what the Buddha said.

1550
01:16:16,697 --> 01:16:18,782
It's with our minds we create the world.

1551
01:16:18,782 --> 01:16:21,285
Number two, of all the
possible interpretations,

1552
01:16:21,285 --> 01:16:22,536
we choose the worst one.

1553
01:16:22,536 --> 01:16:24,204
Thirdly, what I just said isn't true.

1554
01:16:24,204 --> 01:16:25,122
We didn't choose it.

1555
01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:27,916
It's not like you went through
all these possibilities

1556
01:16:27,916 --> 01:16:28,875
and you said-
- Was a multiple choice

1557
01:16:28,875 --> 01:16:30,544
and I chose option D.
- Oh no,

1558
01:16:30,544 --> 01:16:32,796
he doesn't care about me
and he doesn't respect me.

1559
01:16:32,796 --> 01:16:33,630
You didn't do that.

1560
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:35,299
Your brain jumped there
automatically, right?

1561
01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:36,216
My question is why?

1562
01:16:37,384 --> 01:16:38,260
First time in your life

1563
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:40,053
that you felt hurt and angry

1564
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,973
when you perceived somebody
didn't care about you

1565
01:16:42,973 --> 01:16:44,057
and didn't respect you?

1566
01:16:44,933 --> 01:16:46,351
- It's not the first time.
- Very good.

1567
01:16:46,351 --> 01:16:49,896
And most people I talk
to, it goes back way back.

1568
01:16:49,896 --> 01:16:50,981
- Yeah. This goes way back.

1569
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:51,815
- Into childhood.

1570
01:16:51,815 --> 01:16:52,858
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.

1571
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:54,985
And that's what trauma is.

1572
01:16:56,069 --> 01:16:58,488
We don't respond to the present moment.

1573
01:16:58,488 --> 01:17:00,073
We respond to the past.

1574
01:17:00,073 --> 01:17:01,867
So who's the one that
doesn't care about you

1575
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:03,035
and who's the one that doesn't think

1576
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:04,953
you're worthy of respect?
- Oh, it'd be me.

1577
01:17:04,953 --> 01:17:05,787
- It would be you.
- Yeah.

1578
01:17:05,787 --> 01:17:06,955
- So that's the learning,

1579
01:17:06,955 --> 01:17:08,874
and that's the beauty of healing

1580
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:11,168
is that when you reframe things

1581
01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:14,338
and you actually see the
source within ourselves,

1582
01:17:14,338 --> 01:17:16,256
all of a sudden that's liberating.

1583
01:17:16,256 --> 01:17:17,758
Because guess what?

1584
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:19,926
If you're feeling that way
because this guy did this

1585
01:17:19,926 --> 01:17:22,596
or didn't do that, that
makes you a victim.

1586
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,513
- Yeah.

1587
01:17:23,513 --> 01:17:26,058
- But if you see that you are the source,

1588
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:27,059
now you're powerful.

1589
01:17:28,810 --> 01:17:31,229
(soft music)

1590
01:17:32,230 --> 01:17:36,777
Can you have a vision of
society that incorporates

1591
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:40,614
the achievements of modern civilization

1592
01:17:40,614 --> 01:17:42,449
while at the same time still honors

1593
01:17:42,449 --> 01:17:44,576
the essence of human nature?

1594
01:17:44,576 --> 01:17:45,744
I think the answer is yes.

1595
01:17:45,744 --> 01:17:47,287
I know the answer is yes,

1596
01:17:47,287 --> 01:17:49,456
not that I expect to
see it in my lifetime.

1597
01:17:50,832 --> 01:17:53,710
We need trauma informed medical care,

1598
01:17:53,710 --> 01:17:56,088
trauma informed education

1599
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:58,674
and trauma informed therapy.

1600
01:18:01,134 --> 01:18:05,097
- Everybody that has listened to a talk

1601
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:07,766
or read his book always said to me

1602
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:13,105
I don't feel like I'm
a bad person anymore.

1603
01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,566
I can see their heads higher.

1604
01:18:16,566 --> 01:18:18,485
Yeah, they're still using substances,

1605
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:21,571
but something inside of
them is starting to change.

1606
01:18:21,571 --> 01:18:23,657
That's their shame is kind of dissipating.

1607
01:18:26,201 --> 01:18:30,122
- Without me stumbling
across his work, I tell you,

1608
01:18:30,122 --> 01:18:34,042
I tell you, I would've
been a different person.

1609
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,753
Personal childhood trauma is key

1610
01:18:36,753 --> 01:18:38,213
because once you understand that,

1611
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:40,215
know you were a child
and you didn't have help,

1612
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:42,968
and if it's about love them
why are we locking them up?

1613
01:18:44,386 --> 01:18:47,597
- Underneath that traumatized persona,

1614
01:18:49,349 --> 01:18:51,101
there's the healthy individual

1615
01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:53,353
who has never found
expression in this life.

1616
01:18:53,353 --> 01:18:55,605
If you see that, then
you're trauma informed,

1617
01:18:57,065 --> 01:18:59,651
it's not a question of healing the trauma

1618
01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:03,488
or of ever getting rid of
the memory of what happened,

1619
01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:05,615
but to help that person expand

1620
01:19:05,615 --> 01:19:08,076
so that there's space
for all those emotions.

1621
01:19:09,619 --> 01:19:12,497
- Dr. Maté, he allowed me to feel

1622
01:19:12,497 --> 01:19:15,917
that what I was seeing
was a humanistic crisis.

1623
01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:19,963
It was a human not being identified

1624
01:19:19,963 --> 01:19:22,007
in the light in which they deserve to be.

1625
01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:27,596
We as caretakers in this world

1626
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:31,308
need to see the human in
front of us, not the problem.

1627
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:32,642
We still have each other's numbers.

1628
01:19:32,642 --> 01:19:33,852
You'll call me?
- Yeah, yeah.

1629
01:19:33,852 --> 01:19:34,686
- Okay.
- All right.

1630
01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:35,520
Good to see you, buddy.
- Good to see you.

1631
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,230
I missed you.
- All right.

1632
01:19:37,230 --> 01:19:38,064
- Bye.

1633
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:40,650
How have you been?

1634
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,986
It cannot be a general construct

1635
01:19:42,986 --> 01:19:45,405
of this is how we're dealing
with people who are homeless,

1636
01:19:45,405 --> 01:19:47,240
this is how we're dealing with people

1637
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:48,784
who are are addicted to drugs.

1638
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:51,077
No, this is how we deal with Sarah,

1639
01:19:51,077 --> 01:19:52,662
this is how we deal with Jose.

1640
01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:54,623
This is how we are in relationship

1641
01:19:54,623 --> 01:19:57,709
to each and every person
experiencing trauma

1642
01:19:57,709 --> 01:19:58,919
within their lives.

1643
01:19:58,919 --> 01:20:03,799
That is what has been the
essence to his teaching for me.

1644
01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:05,217
Hi, who's this?

1645
01:20:05,217 --> 01:20:06,051
- Fang.

1646
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:08,261
- [Romie] Hi Fang, how are you doing?

1647
01:20:08,261 --> 01:20:10,180
Fang, are you his little companion?

1648
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:15,894
- When we start the journey
of being compassionate

1649
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:19,064
with ourselves, not only
does it change ourselves,

1650
01:20:19,064 --> 01:20:21,817
it changes our communities
and our society.

1651
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,446
- Today I'm still healing.

1652
01:20:26,446 --> 01:20:28,698
I'm still healing from
my abandonment issues.

1653
01:20:29,574 --> 01:20:31,451
I'm a lifer inmate.

1654
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,037
Being here today, witnessing all you guys'

1655
01:20:34,037 --> 01:20:37,874
traumatic experiences gives me motivation,

1656
01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:39,626
gives me inspiration to continue on

1657
01:20:39,626 --> 01:20:41,169
the path that I'm currently on.

1658
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:47,467
- Every human being has a
true, genuine, authentic self.

1659
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:50,303
And that true, genuine authentic self

1660
01:20:51,304 --> 01:20:52,514
can never be destroyed.

1661
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:56,268
- When people say you have
a second chance in life,

1662
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,144
today I know what that means.

1663
01:20:58,144 --> 01:21:00,188
So I performed for the first time singing,

1664
01:21:00,188 --> 01:21:02,107
after not singing in 20 years.

1665
01:21:02,107 --> 01:21:04,568
So I performed in front
of over 400 people.

1666
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:05,819
That was a dream come true,

1667
01:21:05,819 --> 01:21:08,488
and I was able to reunite with my mother.

1668
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:12,409
When God blessed me with this son,

1669
01:21:12,409 --> 01:21:14,536
my four-year-old boy Douglas,

1670
01:21:14,536 --> 01:21:16,538
I made a promise to
myself and I said, listen,

1671
01:21:16,538 --> 01:21:17,831
I want to be a mom.

1672
01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:19,040
I want to be a good mom.

1673
01:21:20,458 --> 01:21:22,127
The baby's dad is also with me.

1674
01:21:23,253 --> 01:21:24,462
He's my babysitter.

1675
01:21:25,589 --> 01:21:28,091
(laughs)

1676
01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:32,262
- I've been clean for the
last 10 and a half months.

1677
01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:35,348
'Cause you did, you made
a difference in my life.

1678
01:21:35,348 --> 01:21:36,892
- Thank you for being in touch.

1679
01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:45,108
♪ Through the mist and the pain ♪

1680
01:21:45,108 --> 01:21:48,153
♪ I've learned to maintain ♪

1681
01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:52,157
♪ There is no shame ♪

1682
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:55,160
♪ There is no shame ♪

1683
01:21:59,414 --> 01:22:02,250
(clapping)

1684
01:22:02,250 --> 01:22:04,669
(soft music)

1685
01:22:06,129 --> 01:22:11,134
- [Tim] I am happy to say now
that through my own healing,

1686
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:14,888
after being off my medication
now for six months,

1687
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,557
I've gone in remission.

1688
01:22:17,557 --> 01:22:20,894
The cancer is just not, is not growing.

1689
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:23,313
This is the first time in four years

1690
01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:26,316
where this has happened, so
this is absolutely amazing.

1691
01:22:31,196 --> 01:22:34,407
- It's been spiritual work for us both

1692
01:22:34,407 --> 01:22:36,826
and I've grown up in the relationship.

1693
01:22:36,826 --> 01:22:38,203
I've healed in the relationship.

1694
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:40,872
I'm still healing in the relationship.

1695
01:22:40,872 --> 01:22:43,416
To me this is an incredible love story.

1696
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:48,088
It's really inspiring how he's changed.

1697
01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,799
So as we've gotten older,

1698
01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:54,719
somehow we've gotten freer and younger.

1699
01:22:54,719 --> 01:22:56,096
We just get closer and closer.

1700
01:22:56,096 --> 01:22:57,597
It gets better and better.

1701
01:22:59,182 --> 01:23:02,102
(soft piano music)

1702
01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:15,991
(soft orchestral music)

1703
01:23:15,991 --> 01:23:18,785
- It's a dynamic, emergent process

1704
01:23:18,785 --> 01:23:22,205
of confrontation with the truth
that solutions will arise.

1705
01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:29,713
Trauma involves a lifelong pushing down,

1706
01:23:29,713 --> 01:23:32,424
a tremendous expenditure of energy,

1707
01:23:32,424 --> 01:23:35,677
and to not feeling the pain.

1708
01:23:38,346 --> 01:23:42,559
As we heal, that same
energy is liberated for life

1709
01:23:42,559 --> 01:23:43,977
and for being in the present.

1710
01:23:45,603 --> 01:23:48,648
So the energy of trauma can be transformed

1711
01:23:48,648 --> 01:23:50,066
into the energy of life.

1712
01:23:54,487 --> 01:23:56,906
(soft music)

1713
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:01,953
(baby giggles)

1714
01:24:01,953 --> 01:24:04,372
(soft music)

1715
01:24:10,295 --> 01:24:12,922
♪ You can see it in the cars ♪

1716
01:24:12,922 --> 01:24:15,300
♪ It's playing on the radio ♪

1717
01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:17,594
♪ It's written in the stars ♪

1718
01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,096
♪ And living in me ♪

1719
01:24:20,096 --> 01:24:22,599
♪ You can read it in the cards ♪

1720
01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:25,060
♪ And hear it in stereo ♪

1721
01:24:25,060 --> 01:24:27,437
♪ It's a bullet in your heart ♪

1722
01:24:27,437 --> 01:24:31,357
♪ And a trigger in me ♪

1723
01:24:31,357 --> 01:24:33,777
(soft music)

1724
01:24:39,991 --> 01:24:42,368
♪ You can see it in the young ♪

1725
01:24:42,368 --> 01:24:45,205
♪ They saw it on a video ♪

1726
01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:47,290
♪ Loaded like a gun ♪

1727
01:24:47,290 --> 01:24:49,793
♪ It's aiming at me ♪

1728
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,420
♪ Everybody in the run ♪

1729
01:24:52,420 --> 01:24:54,756
♪ Talking on the telephone ♪

1730
01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:57,008
♪ Hurry up and have fun ♪

1731
01:24:57,008 --> 01:25:00,595
♪ 'Cause it's killing me ♪

1732
01:25:00,595 --> 01:25:04,974
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1733
01:25:04,974 --> 01:25:07,185
♪ They will find you ♪

1734
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,355
♪ You'll let them in ♪

1735
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:14,734
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1736
01:25:14,734 --> 01:25:17,070
♪ They will find you ♪

1737
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,323
♪ Under your skin ♪

1738
01:25:20,323 --> 01:25:22,659
♪ The way that it's working ♪

1739
01:25:22,659 --> 01:25:25,078
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1740
01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:27,622
♪ The way things are going ♪

1741
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:30,083
♪ Where are we going ♪

1742
01:25:30,083 --> 01:25:32,502
♪ What does it matter ♪

1743
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:34,963
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1744
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:37,465
♪ When it's all over ♪

1745
01:25:37,465 --> 01:25:42,470
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1746
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:47,642
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

1747
01:25:47,642 --> 01:25:52,522
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

1748
01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:57,443
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

1749
01:25:57,443 --> 01:26:01,447
♪ Ooh ooh ♪

1750
01:26:01,447 --> 01:26:04,284
♪ It's a devil in disguise ♪

1751
01:26:04,284 --> 01:26:06,494
♪ hidden in the media ♪

1752
01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:08,955
♪ It's a hunger in your eyes ♪

1753
01:26:08,955 --> 01:26:11,291
♪ It's feeding on me ♪

1754
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:14,127
♪ Everybody with their lives ♪

1755
01:26:14,127 --> 01:26:16,337
♪ Coming from the satellite ♪

1756
01:26:16,337 --> 01:26:18,715
♪ I'm walking on a wire ♪

1757
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:22,051
♪ They keep following me ♪

1758
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:26,556
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1759
01:26:26,556 --> 01:26:28,766
♪ They will find you ♪

1760
01:26:28,766 --> 01:26:31,978
♪ You'll let them in ♪

1761
01:26:31,978 --> 01:26:36,441
♪ Over and over and over once again ♪

1762
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:38,735
♪ They will bind you ♪

1763
01:26:38,735 --> 01:26:41,863
♪ Under your skin ♪

1764
01:26:41,863 --> 01:26:44,199
♪ But the way that's it working ♪

1765
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,784
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1766
01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:49,370
♪ The way things are going ♪

1767
01:26:49,370 --> 01:26:51,831
♪ Where are we going ♪

1768
01:26:51,831 --> 01:26:54,083
♪ What does it matter ♪

1769
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:56,753
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1770
01:26:56,753 --> 01:26:59,172
♪ When it's all over ♪

1771
01:26:59,172 --> 01:27:01,716
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1772
01:27:01,716 --> 01:27:03,968
♪ The way that it's working ♪

1773
01:27:03,968 --> 01:27:06,554
♪ You know it's not working ♪

1774
01:27:06,554 --> 01:27:09,057
♪ The way things are going ♪

1775
01:27:09,057 --> 01:27:11,601
♪ Where are we going ♪

1776
01:27:11,601 --> 01:27:13,811
♪ What does it matter ♪

1777
01:27:13,811 --> 01:27:16,481
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1778
01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:19,025
♪ When it's all over ♪

1779
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:21,861
♪ Nothing is over ♪

1780
01:27:24,614 --> 01:27:27,575
(soft music)

1781
01:27:27,575 --> 01:27:32,580
♪ What does it matter ♪

1782
01:27:32,580 --> 01:27:35,917
♪ It's mind over matter ♪

1783
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:40,255
(soft music)

1784
01:27:42,590 --> 01:27:45,927
♪ It's mind over matter ♪